E x p l o r a t i o n s i n I n t u i t i o n : 

B r e a k i n g B o u n d a r i e s a n d R e c l a i m i n g V o i c e 

t h r o u g h A / r / t o g r a p h i c P r o c e s s 

M i c h a e l T o t h 
B . M u s . , T h e U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h C o l u m b i a , 1987 

A T H E S I S S U B M I T T E D I N P A R T I A L F U L L F I L L M E N T O F 
T H E R E Q U I R E M E N T S F O R T H E D E G R E E O F 

M A S T E R O F A R T S 

i n 

T H E F A C U L T Y O F G R A D U A T E S T U D I E S 

( M u s i c E d u c a t i o n ) 

T H E U N I V E R S I T Y O F B R I T I S H C O L U M B I A 

J u l y 2007 

© M i c h a e l T o t h , 2007 



Abstract 

For me, the path is now clear—release the deep intuitive feeling first 
and then reflect and respond through intelligence and internal 
aesthetics. 

T h i s t h e s i s o f c r e a t i v e s c h o l a r s h i p is a b o u t p r o c e s s , p e r m i s s i o n , a n d o r i g i n a l 

v o i c e . I h a v e u s e d i n t u i t i v e m u s i c , p o e t r y , a n d n a r r a t i v e t o create a m u l t i - f a c e t e d 

t a p e s t r y t h a t e x p o s e s m y l i f e r o l e s , m y f e e l i n g s , m y v a l u e s , a n d t h e g r a y e r , i n -

b e t w e e n areas o f k n o w i n g , t e a c h i n g , a n d l e a r n i n g . T h i s p r o c e s s o f r e d i s c o v e r y a n d 

r e c l a m a t i o n o f v o i c e h a s b e e n o n e o f a r t i s t i c a l l y g i v i n g m y s e l f p e r m i s s i o n t o b r e a k 

t h r o u g h m y p e r s o n a l m a s k s a n d r o l e s as w e l l as t r a n s c e n d c u l t u r a l p a r a d i g m s t o 

l o c a t e m y s e l f . 

T h e m e t h o d o l o g y o f A / r / t o g r a p h y ( S p r i n g g a y , S . , I r w i n , R . L . , W i l s o n K i n d , S. 

2005) w a s c h o s e n as a p a t h t o m a k e sense o f m u l t i - s t o r i e d a r c h e t y p e s a n d m u l t i -

l a y e r e d a v e n u e s o f a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n . T h i s p r o c e s s i s r e n d e r e d t h r o u g h c o n c e p t s o f 

excess, m e t a p h o r , o p e n i n g s , c o n t i g u i t y , m e t o n y m y , l i v i n g i n q u i r y , a n d 

r e v e r b e r a t i o n s . R e n d e r i n g s e n a b l e a r t i s t s , t e a c h e r s a n d r e s e a r c h e r s t o i n t e r r o g a t e 

t h e i n t e r s t i t i a l spaces b e t w e e n t h i n g s , f o r e x a m p l e i m a g e a n d w o r k , text a n d 

a u d i e n c e , r e s e a r c h i n g , p e d a g o g y a n d a r t m a k i n g ( S p r i n g g a y , S . , I r w i n , R . L . , W i l s o n 

K i n d , S. 2005). 

T h e a r t i s t i c e x p l o r a t i o n s a n d c o n s e q u e n t r e n d e r i n g s o f r e v e l a t i o n a n d 

r e f l e c t i o n o f t h i s o n t o l o g i c a l e x p l o r a t i o n c a n b e l o o s e l y g r o u p e d i n t o s e v e n m a j o r 

t h e m e s : 

P e r s o n a l C o n t e x t a n d C o n t e x t f o r m a t i o n 
H e r o e s 
R e g r e t s 
Issues w i t h t h e p r e v a i l i n g c u l t u r e 
N e w b e g i n n i n g s 



(The importance of) Artistic/Transcendent/Arational spaces 

Reflections and intimate looks into the form and function of educational landscape. 

The writing and music were then analyzed in light of who I am and what I 

know. Results consisted of a number of conceptual strides forward in both my 

artistic vision and my teaching. Overall, a/r/tography enabled me to gain deeper 

autobiographical understandings about issues that have shaped my view of the 

world. From music, poetic and narrative renderings, I learned valuable insights 

about the real me. I discovered a multilayered individual inside who became re-

energized and revitalized about finding my inner voice. From a/r/tographic 

renderings, I analyzed and reflected on what I learned and unlearned. Though 

there were resolutions, there were also new directions as I explored intuition, 

broke boundaries and reclaimed voice. I sculpted and embraced stories behind 

stories about myself. The notion of hero surfaced while regrets brought new 

narratives. Who am I? I am artist, teacher, guitar player, and a/r/tographer. 

m 



Table of Contents 

A b s t r a c t . i i 

T a b l e o f C o n t e n t s i v 

D e m o C D o f P o e t r y , N a r r a t i v e s , S o u n d s c a p e s v i i 

A c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s i x 

I've E m ( b r a c e d ) : A P o e m o f I n t r o d u c t i o n . l 

Section I: Beginnings • • • 2 

T h e F a b l e o f t h e S c u l p t o r ...i 

S t o r i e s b e h i n d t h e S t o r i e s • • • • 4 

T h e M a s t e r s E x p e r i e n c e as L i m i n a l P h e n o m e n o n . 5 

T h e S t o r y o f t h e N a i v e A / r / t o g r a p h e r 7 

A u t o e t h n o g r a p h y i l 

A / r / t o g r a p h y 13 

T h e I n e v i t a b i l i t y o f t h e O n t o l o g i c a l D a n c e . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 

R e f l e c t i o n s i n t h e I n f i n i t e N o w . 18 

T h e P o e t a n d t h e P i p e r .20 

Section II: A/r/tographic Renderings . . . 22 
W h e r e d o I c o m e f r o m / t o ? . 22 

D r i v i n g W i t h N o H a n d s . 22 
T h e F a b l e o f R e g r e t 25 
T h e U n n a t u r a l A c t . 30 
I A m G u i t a r . . . 31 
I A m S t a r t i n g (to L o s e ) 32 
I've ( E m ) b r a c e d 34 

iv 



W h a t d o I e n c o u n t e r ? .35 
M a s t e r F r a m e . 35 
B i g P e o p l e 37 
How O l d ? . . . . . 38 
T h e G o d d e s s o f I n n o v a t i o n • • • • 39 
T h e H u s t l e r 41 
T h e H i - f i 46 
L e s s o n s f r o m t h e P i a n o 50 
S u n d a y at t h e A r t G a l l e r y . 52 

W h a t d o I create? 57 
H i g h W i r e G u i t a r . 57 
O n M u s i c C l a s s after a S l e e p l e s s N i g h t 58 
H o w D o Y o u D e t e r m i n e ? 59 
T h i s D a y i n t h e L i f e . , 61 
A T r i l o g y o f D e v e l o p m e n t a l S t o r i e s . 84 
H e r o e s . 96 

Section III: An Analysis of the Renderings. • • • • • . . •.•.118 

R e f l e c t i o n s o n t h e A / r / t o g r a p h i c P r o c e s s . . . . . . . ' ... 118 

T h e o p e n i n g o f t h e G o l d e n F l o w e r — t h e M i r a g e o f E p i p h a n y . .121 

P e r s o n a l c o n t e x t a n d c o n t e x t u a l f o r m a t i o n . .122 

H e r o e s . . . . .129 

R e g r e t s . 135 

A n g e r / a l i e n a t i o n w i t h t h e p r e v a i l i n g c u l t u r e . 138 

N e w B e g i n n i n g s .140 

( T h e I m p o r t a n c e of) A r t i s t i c / T r a n s c e n d e n t / A r a t i o n a l s p a c e s . .141 

R e f l e c t i o n s a n d I n t i m a t e L o o k s i n t o t h e F o r m a n d F u n c t i o n o f t h e E d u c a t i o n a l 
L a n d s c a p e .144 

T h e I n t u i t i v e P r o c e s s a n d E m p a t h y w i t h o u t E x p e r i e n c e 146 

Section IV: What have I learned/unlearned? 153 

T o B e l i e v e i n M y s e l f a n d t h e V a l u e o f M y O w n U n i q u e A r t i s t i c V o i c e . 153 

T o W o r k o n R e l e a s i n g C o m p a r i s o n s a n d C u l t u r a l N o r m s a n d M e a s u r e m e n t s o f 
V a l u e . 154 



C o n t e x t u a l S h i f t i n g a n d R e - b u i l d i n g . . . . . . . . 155 

T h e S n a k e o f R e g r e t k e e p s a t t a c k i n g . .158 

R e f l e c t i o n s o n t h e E f f e c t o f t h e A / r / t o g r a p h i c E x p e r i e n c e o n m y C l a s s r o o m 

T e a c h i n g • • • 158 

W h e r e t o N o w ? 160 

R e f e r e n c e s 162 

v i 



Demo CD of Poetry, Narratives, and Soundscapes 

T r a c k l 
H o w O l d ? 

T r a c k 2 

D r i v i n g W i t h N o H a n d s 

T r a c k 3 

T h e U n n a t u r a l A c t 

T r a c k 4 

T h e F a b l e o f R e g r e t 

T r a c k 5 
I a m S t a r t i n g (to L o s e ) 
T r a c k 6 
B i g P e o p l e 
T r a c k 7 

O n M u s i c C l a s s A f t e r a S l e e p l e s s N i g h t 

T r a c k 8 

T h e G o d d e s s o f I n n o v a t i o n 

T r a c k 9 

I l o w D o Y o u D e t e r m i n e ? 

T r a c k 10 
T h e M a s t e r F r a m e 
T r a c k 11 
T h e H u s t l e r 
T r a c k 12 
I've E m (braced) 
T r a c k 13 
T h u n d e r s t o r m at t h e P o n d ( I n s t r u m e n t a l N a r r a t i v e ) 
An electric guitar is used to create the rumble of the approaching storm, various birds 
calling in the trees and bushes; frogs croaking quietly; insects buzzing around; the 
sizzle of the rain descending, and finally the melody of lightning bolts and thunder. 



C o l l a b o r a t i v e W o r k : S o u n d s c a p e s f o r t h e P o e t r y o f C a r l L e g g o 

T r a c k 14 
T h e S a m e N o s e 

T r a c k 15 
N o L o c k s 

T r a c k 16 
P i c n i c s 

T r a c k 17 
M y M o t h e r ' s H o u s e 

T r a c k 18 
T h e D i v e r 

T r a c k 19 
O 

T r a c k 20 
L y n c h ' s L a n e 



Acknowledgements 

I w o u l d l i k e t o t h a n k D r . P e t e r G o u z o u a s i s a n d D r . C a r l L e g g o f o r t h e i r i n v a l u a b l e 

s u p p o r t a n d e n c o u r a g e m e n t t h r o u g h t h i s w o n d e r f u l p r o c e s s . P e t e r w a s i n s t r u m e n t a l i n 

c o n v i n c i n g m e t o e m b a r k o n t h i s j o u r n e y a n d C a r l w a s a b e a c o n o f l i g h t , l e a r n i n g , a n d 

c a l m t h r o u g h o u t . I h a v e g r o w n so m u c h t h r o u g h m y w o r k w i t h b o t h o f y o u . T h a n k y o u . 

I w o u l d a l s o l i k e t o t h a n k m y w i f e , R o s e m a r y , a n d m y d a u g h t e r , E m i l y f o r t h e i r 

l o v e a n d s u p p o r t w h i l e I s t r u g g l e d w i t h t h e c h a l l e n g e s o f e a r n i n g a M a s t e r ' s d e g r e e , 

w o r k i n g f u l l t i m e , a n d t r y i n g t o b e a D a d , a n d a h u s b a n d . B o t h o f y o u r e a l i z e d t h a t t h i s 

p r o c e s s w a s a great o p p o r t u n i t y f o r m e . L o v e t o y o u a l w a y s . 

F i n a l l y I w o u l d l i k e t o t h a n k m y m o t h e r , I r e n e f o r h e r l i f e t i m e o f u n c o n d i t i o n a l 

l o v e a n d s u p p o r t , b o t h o f m y s e l f a n d m y b r o t h e r , L e s . I h a v e b e e n a b l e t o t a k e t h e r i s k s 

n e e d e d t o r e a l i z e m y s e l f t h r o u g h y o u r n u r t u r i n g l o v e . 

ix 



I've (Em)braced 

I've ( E m ) b r a c e d 
P r a n k s t e r , C o n M a n , L i a r , L o v e r , 
H u s b a n d , F a t h e r , T ( h ) i n k e r ( e r ) , 

I m p o s t e r , 
P r e p o s t e r o u s 

L y i n g i n j u d g m e n t ! 
Y e t 

S o m e t i m e s N o t o f t h i s W o r l d 
A s m y eyes r o l l b a c k w a r d a n d t h e j a w d r o p s . . . 

M y s t i c s y s t e m i c , p a t h e t i c a n d r e g r e t f u l 
K e e p e r o f c a r t o o n c o n s c i o u s n e s s , 

M y feet b l i s t e r o n t h e h y p e r - h e a t e d a s p h a l t 
O f W e s t e r n r e a l i t y , 

I n e v e r l e a r n 
S t i l l 

M y s t i f i e d b y t h e r a r i f i e d 
M i r a c l e o f h o p e ( l e s s n e s s ) 

F r i g h t e n e d c h i l d a n d o l d m a n I a m 
P e n i s c r o s s e d w i t h p e n a n c e 
S o n o f Z o r r o a n d N o s f e r a t u , 

( A n t i ) . . . C h r i s t , I w i s h I k n e w ! 
S a i n t o r s i n n e r , 

C e r t a i n l y 
F o o l o n t h e h i l l o f t h e A c a d e m y o f 

P o w e r , p o l i t i c s a n d l o s t s o u l s , 
L i m i n a l T r a n s g r e s s o r i n t h e a p o r i a o f 

F o u n d a n d l o s t (again) 
I see 

T h e o a s i s 
O r j u s t a n o t h e r m i r a g e ? . . . 

M e a n w h i l e t h e B u d d h a o f C o m p a s s i o n p o u r s 
R i v e r s o f tears t h r o u g h m e as I l o o k at p i c t u r e s o f 

M y d a u g h t e r 
B e c a u s e 

S o m e t i m e s I k n o w 
T o l o o k a b o v e m y s e l f 



Section I 

Beginnings 

The Fable of the Sculptor 

An autobiometaphoric overview of the type and nature of the struggles and 

successes of my creative life. 

I h a v e a s c u l p t u r e d o w n s t a i r s . It is a w o r k i n p r o g r e s s . I t r y t o v i s i t it e v e r y 

n i g h t f o r a f e w m i n u t e s . T h i s s l e e p i n g g i a n t i s , f o r t h e m o s t p a r t , u n f i n i s h e d , w i t h 

its c h a r a c t e r p a r t i a l l y c o n c e a l e d t o t h e c a u s a l o b s e r v e r . E n t o m b e d w i t h i n a s e a o f 

m a r b l e , it is a p r i s o n e r o f c i r c u m s t a n c e , w a i t i n g t o b e b o r n . I c a n f e e l t h e e n e r g y 

f r o m d e e p w i t h i n t h e r o c k a n d o f t e n I i m a g i n e its m u f f l e d , p l a i n t i v e c a l l f o r 

f r e e d o m , e v e n u p s t a i r s , w h e n I a m e n g a g e d a n d i n t o x i c a t e d b y d o m e s t i c v i g n e t t e s 

w i t h R o s e a n d E m i l y . 

L i k e M i c h e l a n g e l o , a n d i n t h e great t r a d i t i o n o f s c u l p t o r s b e f o r e a n d after 

h i m , I, i n s e r v i c e a n d s e r v i t u d e , s l o w l y c h i p a w a y at t h e s a c r e d r o c k t o release t h e 

p o o r s o u l . M y h a n d s ache f r o m f a t i g u e a n d p r o d u c t i v i t y is h a m p e r e d b y a b r a i n 

f i l l e d w i t h d i s t r a c t i n g l i f e - n o i s e - m y d a i l y e x i s t e n c e , s e e m l y , a n e v e r - e n d i n g 

t u r n s t i l e o f m o r e u n c o m p l e t e d t a s k s a n d o b l i g a t i o n s . Y e t , t h e u r g e n c y t o b r e a t h e 

l i f e i n t o t h e s c u l p t u r e is ever h e i g h t e n i n g w i t h e a c h d a y . 

I c a r v e best t h r o u g h i n t u i t i o n . T h i s p r o c e s s e m e r g e s i n t h e m o r n i n g w h e n 

t h e c h a t t e r o f t h e m o n k e y is l o w . T h e t r i c k is t o start m y c a r v i n g b e f o r e I h a v e a 

c h a n c e t o r e a l l y a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t I a m w o r k i n g . It is i n t h i s m i d d l e s p a c e , b e t w e e n 

sleep a n d w a k e f u l n e s s , t h a t m y h a n d s m o v e a u t o m a t i c a l l y , w i t h o u t w i l l f u l 

i n t e n t i o n . A n d s o , t h e s p i r i t s h o w s i t s e l f w h e n r e a d y . 

2 



A s I w a k e , m y t h o u g h t s a n d a e s t h e t i c j u d g m e n t c o m e i n t o p l a y . T h e y c a n 

h i n d e r t h e p r o c e s s , b u t I h a v e l e a r n e d t o u s e t h e m t o r e f i n e a n d r e d i r e c t t h e p o w e r 

o f t h e i n i t i a l l i n e s . F o r m e , t h e p a t h is n o w c l e a r — release the deep intuitive feeling 

first and then reflect and respond through intelligence and observer aesthetics. 

T h i s p r o c e s s , w h i c h I h a v e d i s c o v e r e d after m a n y y e a r s o f s e a r c h i n g , y i e l d s m y b e s t 

l i n e s . 

I s h o u l d h a v e f i n i s h e d t h e s c u l p t u r e m a n y y e a r s ago, b u t I f a i l e d i n l i s t e n i n g 

t o m y o w n v o i c e . I f a i l e d t o t r u s t m y s e l f . I p u t i n t e l l i g e n c e a n d t h e p a r a d i g m o f 

c u l t u r e b e f o r e m y s o u l . I b e l i e v e d i n h e r o e s f o r f a r t o o l o n g . A n d n o w t h e s n a k e o f 

regret h a s b i t t e n m e . 

L a s t w i n t e r , R o s e a n d E m i l y left f o r a s h o r t h o l i d a y i n t h e c i t y . E v e r y t e r m , 

R o s e a r r a n g e s t h i s so t h a t I m a y d e a l w i t h t h e d e m a n d s o f g r a d u a t e w o r k as w e l l as 

a f u l l - t i m e t e a c h i n g a s s i g n m e n t i n a s e c o n d a r y s c h o o l . T h e s e w e e k e n d s o f i s o l a t i o n 

h a v e b e e n a b l e s s i n g as it h a s a l l o w e d m e t o c o m p l e t e p r o j e c t s w i t h o u t d i s t r a c t i o n . 

T h i s p a r t i c u l a r w e e k e n d , h o w e v e r , m y f o c u s w a s s c a t t e r e d a n d rife w i t h d i s t r a c t i o n . 

I m e d i t a t e d a n d d r a n k m o r e coffee, e m p l o y i n g a l l o f m y h o m e g r o w n t a c t i c s t o f o r c e 

c o n c e n t r a t i o n . N o n e o f these r e m e d i e s s e e m e d t o i m p r o v e t h e s i t u a t i o n . M y 

c o n s c i o u s n e s s r e m a i n e d f i l m y a n d u n f o c u s s e d . T h e r e w a s m o u n t i n g stress a n d a n 

a c i d i c f e e l i n g i n m y s t o m a c h . T h e w e e k e n d h o u r s w e r e v a n i s h i n g q u i c k l y a n d m y 

i n s p i r a t i o n : a n d p r o d u c t i v i t y w e r e so l o w 

A t s o m e p o i n t , I r e a l i z e d w h a t w a s t r o u b l i n g m e . T h e r o c k w a s c r y i n g out. I n q u i e t 

d e s p e r a t i o n , I r a n d o w n s t a i r s , t h i n k i n g t h a t m a y b e a n h o u r ' s w o r k o n t h e s c u l p t u r e 

w o u l d m u f f l e i t s s o u n d s t o a p o i n t b e l o w t h e t h r e s h o l d o f d i s t r a c t i o n . M y c h i s e l a n d 

h a m m e r f l e w o n t h e i r o w n a c c o r d as m y p a n i c k e d h e a d r e v i e w e d t h e g r a d u a t e w o r k 

3 



I'd left u p s t a i r s . W h e n m y m i n d r e t u r n e d t o t h e t a s k at h a n d , I h a d t o d r o p t h e 

t o o l s a n d r u n m y f i n g e r s o v e r t h e f o r e h e a d a n d b r o w o f t h e e m e r g i n g face i n t h e 

r o c k . T h e f a m i l i a r i t y w a s at o n c e s o o t h i n g a n d d e e p l y f r i g h t e n i n g . I n t h e w i n k o f a n 

eye, b e f o r e t h e w o r d s c o u l d f o r m , I r e a l i z e d t h a t t h e p r i s o n e r o f t h e r o c k w a s a 

r e f l e c t i o n o f m y s e l f . 

Stories behind the Stories 

Moving from metaphor to defining my artistic goals, expression, and personal 

needs. 

I m u s t confess t h a t I a m n o t a s c u l p t o r i n a t r a d i t i o n a l s e n s e . T h e l i n e s I c u t 

are n o t c u t f r o m s t o n e , b u t f r o m a h i g h e r set o f v i b r a t i o n s . I a m a s o n i c s c u l p t o r . I 

c a r v e a n d s h a p e l i n e s o f s o n o r i t y as a m e a n s t o r e p r e s e n t w h a t n a r r a t i v e s 

s o m e t i m e s f a i l t o r e v e a l . Y e t , I p r e f e r t o i n i t i a t e t h i s d i s c o u r s e w i t h t h e m e t a p h o r o f 

s c u l p t i n g as a m e a n s t o i n f o r m r e a d e r s o f m y p r o c e s s . T h e c r e a t i o n o f m u s i c d i f f e r s 

f r o m t h e t a c t i l e s e n s u a l i t y a n d t h e v i s u a l i m a g e r y o f t h e art o f s c u l p t i n g . M u s i c 

p r i m a r i l y f u n c t i o n s at a n o n - p h y s i c a l i s t i c l e v e l o f a b s t r a c t i o n , yet, i n m a n y w a y s , 

t h e p r o c e s s e s are a l m o s t p a r a l l e l a n d t h e f i n a l p r o d u c t s c a n b e e q u a l l y as m o v i n g . 

I h a v e t w o areas o f c o n s c i o u s m u s i c a l i n t e r e s t at t h i s t i m e . T h e f i r s t a r e a l i e s 

i n t h e s c u l p t i n g o f s o u n d s c a p e s . T h e s e c o n d i n v o l v e s t h e s c u l p t i n g o f o r i g i n a l 

m u s i c a l i d e a s / m o t i f s f o r s p o n t a n e o u s i m p r o v i s a t i o n . 

S o u n d s c a p e s are v a r i o u s m u s i c a l c o m p o s i t i o n s t h a t s u p p o r t t h e 

a u t o e t h n o g r a p h i c n a r r a t i v e s a n d p o e t i c r e n d e r i n g s t h a t I, a n d o t h e r s , h a v e w r i t t e n . 

B y c o m p o s i n g these o r i g i n a l s o n i c b a c k d r o p s , I h o p e t o s e d u c e l i s t e n e r s i n t o a 

d e e p e r i n t i m a c y as t h e i r h e a r t s a n d m i n d s d a n c e w i t h t h e n a r r a t i v e s . 

4 



T h e s e c o n d a r e a o f i n t e r e s t , t h e c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n o f i d e a s f o r i m p r o v i s a t i o n 

a n d t h e a b i l i t y t o r e n d e r these l i n e s , h a s b e e n a l i f e l o n g c h a l l e n g e t h a t I h a v e 

e m b r a c e d . A s I l i s t e n t o m y s e l f p l a y t h e g u i t a r , I h e a r a s o n i c a u t o e t h n o g r a p h i c 

w e a v i n g o f a l l o f m y past i n t e r e s t s , v a l u e s a n d n e w areas o f i n t e r e s t . A n d , as i n t h e 

f a b l e o f t h e s c u l p t o r , a p a r t o f m e h a s b e e n c r y i n g o u t f o r y e a r s t o m u s i c a l l y r e n d e r 

a r e p r e s e n t a t i o n o f t h e r e a l m e . B u t who is the real me? 

The Master's Experience as Liminal Phenomenon 

Creating the hook—connecting my artistic expression with my academic 

experience. 

T h r o u g h a series o f u n a n t i c i p a t e d e v e n t s , m y g r a d u a t e w o r k i n C u r r i c u l u m 

S t u d i e s at U B C h a s b e c o m e t h e v e h i c l e t h r o u g h w h i c h I m o v e f o r w a r d o n t h i s 

q u e s t i o n o f who is the real me? I n d e e d , t h e M a s t e r ' s p r o g r a m h a s b e c o m e a l e n s 

t h a t h a s f o c u s e d m y p e r s o n a l , p r o f e s s i o n a l , a n d a r t i s t i c u n f o l d i n g . P a r a d o x i c a l l y , 

t h i s " l e n s " o f t h e M a s t e r ' s p r o g r a m f u n c t i o n e d i n l i m i n a l r h y t h m s t o u n f o c u s m y 

p r e s e n t n o t i o n s o f s e l f a n d w h a t I k n o w , t h u s a l l o w i n g f o r a m o r e e x p a n d e d , 

s t r o n g e r , a n d m o r e a u t h e n t i c n o t i o n o f s e l l T h e o n l i n e e n c y c l o p e d i a , Wikipedia 

n o t e s , " t h e l i m i n a l state is c h a r a c t e r i z e d b y a m b i g u i t y , o p e n n e s s , a n d 

i n d e t e r m i n a c y . O n e ' s sense o f i d e n t i t y d i s s o l v e s t o s o m e e x t e n t , b r i n g i n g a b o u t 

d i s o r i e n t a t i o n . L i m i n a l i t y is a p e r i o d o f t r a n s i t i o n , d u r i n g w h i c h y o u r n o r m a l l i m i t s 

t o t h o u g h t , s e l f - u n d e r s t a n d i n g , a n d b e h a v i o r are r e l a x e d , o p e n i n g t h e w a y t o 

s o m e t h i n g n e w " ( W i k i p e d i a , 2005). F o r m e , " o p e n i n g t o s o m e t h i n g n e w " h a s 

a l l o w e d a r e p a t r i a t i o n o f m y core essence as w e l l as a r e n e w e d t r u s t i n t h e c r e a t i v e 

p r o c e s s . T h i s p r o c e s s o f r e d i s c o v e r y a n d r e c l a m a t i o n o f v o i c e h a s b e e n o n e o f 



a r t i s t i c a l l y b r e a k i n g t h r o u g h m y p e r s o n a l m a s k s a n d r o l e s . I h a v e u s e d i n t u i t i v e 

m u s i c , p o e t r y a n d n a r r a t i v e t o create a m u l t i - f a c e t e d t a p e s t r y t h a t e x p o s e s m y l i f e 

r o l e s , m y f e e l i n g s , m y v a l u e s , a n d t h e g r a y e r , i n - b e t w e e n areas o f k n o w i n g , 

t e a c h i n g , a n d l e a r n i n g t h a t p u s h m y r i s k t a k i n g t o t h e r e a l p a r a m e t e r s o f w h o I a m 

a n d w h a t I t e a c h . 

T h e t e r m i n t u i t i v e is u s e d t o c o n v e y t h e n o t i o n t h a t these p i e c e s w e r e n o t 

r e n d e r e d i n i t i a l l y as p a r t o f c o n s c i o u s c o n c e p t u a l i z i n g . T h e y f l o w e d f r o m m e i n a 

n a t u r a l a n d u n s e l f c o n s c i o u s m a n n e r . T h u s , t h e y are m o r e l i k e a r t i f a c t s o f a l i f e 

w h i c h c a n i n f o r m t h r o u g h a / r / t o g r a p h i c m e t h o d o l o g y . 

A r t i s t - p e d a g o g u e B a r b a r a B i c k e l (2004) h a s d i r e c t l y a d d r e s s e d t h e i s s u e s 

s u r r o u n d i n g a r t i s t i c / i n t u i t i v e k n o w i n g . R e f e r e n c i n g t h e r e s e a r c h of, a m o n g o t h e r s , 

M i c h e l l e L e b a r o n , H e n r y G i o u x , J e a n G e b s e r , a n d K e n B e i t t e l , B i c k e l s u p p o r t s t h e 

n o t i o n o f a r a t i o n a l k n o w l e d g e ( B i c k e l , 2004). A r a t i o n a l k n o w l e d g e is a t h i r d a n d 

separate p o s i t i o n f r o m t h e c o n v e n t i o n a l d i a l e c t i c i s m o f r a t i o n a l a n d i r r a t i o n a l 

t h o u g h t . B i c k e l d e s c r i b e s a r a t i o n a l p o s i t i o n i n g as " a f o r m o f k n o w i n g t h a t i n c l u d e s 

t h e b o d y , t h e e m o t i o n s , t h e s e n s e s , i n t u i t i o n , i m a g i n a t i o n , c r e a t i o n m a k i n g , t h e 

m y s t i c a l , s p i r i t u a l a n d t h e r e l a t i o n a l " ( B i c k e l , 2005, p. 5). T h i s c o n c e p t u a l site o f 

l e a r n i n g " c a n b e f o u n d i n t h e p r a c t i c e s o f art, m e d i t a t i o n , p s y c h o a n a l y s i s , t h e b o d y , 

( a n d ) t h e s e n s e s " ( B i c k e l , 2005, p. 5). 

I n d e e d , B i c k e l ' s d i s c o u r s e o n t h i s t h i r d w a y o f k n o w l e d g e a c q u i s i t i o n 

reverberates i n c o m p l e t e h a r m o n y w i t h t h e p r o c e s s e s t h a t I h a v e s t u m b l e d u p o n 

a n d n u r t u r e d o v e r t h e y e a r s . B i c k e l m a i n t a i n s t h a t t h r o u g h a r a t i o n a l o r i n t u i t i v e 

a r t i s t i c p r o c e s s , o n e m a y f i n d t h e space n e e d e d t o a l l o w a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n , self-

a c t u a l i z a t i o n a n d s e l f - r e a l i z a t i o n t o m a n i f e s t . 

6 



A s a r e s e a r c h e r , I c o n c u r w i t h t h i s f i n d i n g a n d a d d t h a t a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n 

a n d s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n are i n s e p a r a b l e p a r t n e r s i n t h e p r o c e s s o f a r t s - b a s e d 

r e s e a r c h . T h e p r o c e s s o f a r t s - b a s e d r e s e a r c h i n e v i t a b l y starts a n d e n d s w i t h t h e 

p a t h o f s e l f - r e a l i z a t i o n a n d s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n . A r t is b o t h t h e p r o d u c t a n d p r o c e s s 

o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f o n e s e l f a n d t h e w o r l d at l a r g e . T h a t b e i n g s a i d , d i s c o u r s e s 

s u r r o u n d i n g a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n a n d s p e c i f i c a l l y s e l f - a c t u a l i z a t i o n , w e r e p r o b a b l y 

t h e l a s t c o n c e p t s t h a t I w o u l d h a v e a n t i c i p a t e d e n g a g i n g i n w h e n I e n r o l l e d f o r 

g r a d u a t e s t u d i e s . 

The Story of the Naive A/r/tographer 

Through storying, I explore the process of finding and interfacing a research 

methodology with my unfolding vision of research. 

O r i g i n a l l y , I e n t e r e d t h e M a s t e r ' s p r o g r a m at U B C t o t r a i n m y m i n d t o t h i n k 

m o r e e l e g a n t l y i n s c i e n t i f i c w a y s . I h a d s p e n t m y l i f e c h e r i s h i n g a r t i s t i c a v e n u e s o f 

e x p r e s s i o n — a l t h o u g h I h a d n o t b e e n a l t o g e t h e r h a p p y w i t h t h e r e s u l t s — a n d n o w I 

felt t h a t I n e e d e d t o b a l a n c e m y s e l f w i t h t h e c h a l l e n g e s o f l o g i c a l , s e q u e n t i a l 

t h i n k i n g . M y f i r s t g r a d u a t e c o u r s e e m b o d i e d a s u r v e y o f r e s e a r c h m e t h o d o l o g i e s . 

T h e p r o s p e c t o f u s i n g q u a n t i t a t i v e m e t h o d o l o g i e s a p p e a l e d t o m y y e a r n i n g f o r a 

v e r i f i a b l e a n d r i g o r o u s m o d u s o p e r a n d i w i t h w h i c h t o a p p r o a c h s o m e o f m y 

r e s e a r c h i n t e r e s t s . 

A s m y t i m e at U B C p a s s e d , h o w e v e r , I s l o w l y s t a r t e d t o r e c o g n i z e t h e 

s t r e n g t h o f q u a l i t a t i v e m e t h o d s o f i n q u i r y f o r s o c i a l s c i e n c e r e s e a r c h . T h e c o u r s e s 

t h a t I t o o k c o n s i s t e n t l y r e i n f o r c e d t h e n o t i o n t h a t h u m a n b e i n g s a n d t h e i r r e s u l t i n g 

7 



l e a r n i n g a n d t e a c h i n g a c t i v i t i e s are f r a u g h t w i t h c o m p l e x i t y a n d i n c o n s i s t e n c y . W e 

a l l h o u s e so m a n y d i f f e r e n t d r e a m s a n d n e e d s a n d f e a r s a n d v i e w t h e w o r l d f r o m 

c o m p l e t e l y u n i q u e v a n t a g e p o i n t s , b a s e d o n o u r e x p e r i e n c e s , c u l t u r e , s p i r i t u a l i t y , 

a n d g e n e t i c s . T h i s p e r s o n a l h e r i t a g e o f u n i q u e , c o m p l e x c o n t e x t s m a n i f e s t s i t s e l f i n 

o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g s a n d i n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h t h e w o r l d . A s I b e g a n t o reflect o n m y 

o w n p e r s o n a l c o n t e x t u a l p o s i t i o n i n g as a r e s e a r c h e r , I b e g a n t o c o n s i d e r h o w t h i s 

w o u l d p l a y u p o n a n d c o u l d b e i n t e g r a t e d i n m y r e s e a r c h . I y e a r n e d t o e x a m i n e 

b o t h m y e x p e r i e n c e s as a t e a c h e r o f 20 y e a r s a n d t h e n a t u r e a n d i n t e r p l a y o f m y 

o w n f r a m e o f v i e w i n g . 

M y f i r s t o p p o r t u n i t y t o reflect o n m y e x p e r i e n c e s a r o s e i n D r . C a r l L e g g o ' s 

class o n N a r r a t i v e I n q u i r y . D r . L e g g o , t h r o u g h y e a r s o f t e a c h i n g , w r i t i n g , a n d 

r e f l e c t i o n , h a s c r e a t e d a c l a s s r o o m e n v i r o n m e n t t h a t p u r p o s e f u l l y a d d r e s s e s a n d 

rectifies t h e s o m e t i m e s c o l d , c o m p e t i t i v e a n d s o m e t i m e s n o n - r e f l e c t i v e n a t u r e o f 

t h e g r a d u a t e c o u r s e e x p e r i e n c e . I n s h o r t , h e creates a w e l c o m i n g , s t r e s s - r e d u c e d 

e n v i r o n m e n t t h a t p r o m o t e s c o m f o r t , h e a l t h , a n d r i s k - t a k i n g f r o m h i s s t u d e n t s . 

W i t h i n t h i s c o n t e x t , D r , L e g g o " i n v i t e s " s t u d e n t s t o w r i t e i n a n d t h r o u g h a v a r i e t y 

o f l i t e r a r y g e n r e s . I n t h i s u n i q u e a n d safe s i t u a t i o n , s t u d e n t w r i t i n g s b l o s s o m l i k e 

s p r i n g f l o w e r s . A n d , as D r . L e g g o g e n e r a l l y a l l o w s u s t o w r i t e o n a n y subjects close 

t o o u r h e a r t s , m o s t s t u d e n t s d i g i n t o t h e m s e l v e s a n d a d d r e s s t h e i r o w n p r e s s i n g 

i s s u e s . 

W i t h i n t h i s c o n t e x t , I a l l o w e d m y s e l f t o w r i t e p o e t r y a n d s h o r t s t o r i e s . A s I 

e n t e r e d t h e p r o c e s s , I f o u n d t h a t t h e s a m e t h e m e s e m e r g e d : e d u c a t i o n a l t o p i c s , 

m u s i c a n d m u s i c - r e l a t e d t o p i c s , r e s e a r c h i s s u e s , a n d a u t o b i o g r a p h i c m a t e r i a l . 

8 



As I grew in the inherent safety of this experience, I continued to grow in the 

intimacy of my work and the level of risk-taking. In a Jungian-like maneuver, I 

opted to carve a series of clay figurines as a three-dimensional answer to Dr. 

Leggo's class request for posters that displayed some of our writing/learning. I 

entitled the clay figure presentation: "Life archetypes and the understanding that 

you teach whom you are." A deeper part of me was clearly rising to the conscious 

surface. 

The three dimensional poster erupted from my unconscious to demonstrate 

core archetypal roles or facets of my personality that contributed to the framing of 

my teaching experience. An upper level of figures represents my masks as 

musician, meditator, reflective family man, and teacher. This top level was 

mounted on a platter that could spin around a lower, outer circle of life 

situations/contexts, thereby symbolizing the multiplicity and "spilling over" of 

experience. That said, I was hoping to process and visually represent, albeit 

primitively, the notion that my professional life as a teacher is not separate from 

the rest of my life--that, in varying degrees, I teach who I am. Indeed, "teaching is 

performative knowing in meaningful relationships with listeners" (Irwin, 2004, p. 

31). And, if I teach who I am, it behooves me, as a dedicated educator, to know 

myself. My subconscious, intuitive agenda in this course seemed to be an inquiry 

aimed at this goal. 

At the end of term, we were required to submit portfolios. As I organized 

and prepared my portfolio, I decided to support my poetic offerings with music. 

Indeed, I sensed that coupling narrative with music could create a powerful 

psychological tool for self-reflection and discovery. As a musician, it seemed a 

9 



n a t u r a l e x t e n s i o n t o s u p p o r t a n d i n t e n s i f y t h e m o o d s a n d s p a c e s t h a t t h e p o e t r y 

c r e a t e d w i t h w h a t I c a l l e d s o u n d s c a p e s — m u s i c a l v i s t a s t h a t w e r e s p e c i f i c a l l y 

w r i t t e n t o i n f o r m t h e l i s t e n e r o f s u b t l e t i e s t h a t I s t r u g g l e d t o c o n v e y t h r o u g h 

p o e t r y . 

T h r o u g h t h i s i n t e r a c t i v e s y m b i o s i s o f s o u n d a n d w r i t t e n w o r d , I h a d a 

p o w e r f u l c o m p o s i t e art f o r m i n w h i c h e a c h f o r m e n h a n c e d a n d i n f o r m e d t h e o t h e r . 

M o v i n g i n t o w r i t i n g p o e t r y a n d p r o s e a l l o w e d m e access t o a n art f o r m t h a t is 

p o t e n t i a l l y l e s s a b s t r a c t t h a n i n s t r u m e n t a l m u s i c . T h i s c o u p l i n g o f w o r d s a n d 

m u s i c f r e e d m e t o p r o c e s s , f o c u s , a n d a r t i c u l a t e s p e c i f i c i s s u e s t h r o u g h n a r r a t i v e , 

w h i l e s i m u l t a n e o u s l y e n a b l i n g m e t o m u s i c a l l y p o r t r a y t h e e s s e n t i a l m o o d s a n d 

f e e l i n g s t h a t i m b u e d t h e i s s u e s . 

U n l i k e w r i t i n g l y r i c s , w h i c h o f t e n get i n t o areas o f c o m p r o m i s e w i t h t h e 

m u s i c , t h e n a r r a t i v e f o r m s e n a b l e d m e t o say w h a t n e e d e d t o b e s a i d . A n d , u n l i k e 

t h e beat p o e t s o f t h e 1 9 5 0 ' s , w h o r a p p e d t h e i r p o e t r y w h i l e j a z z m u s i c i a n s 

g e n e r a t e d c o o l , i n t e l l e c t u a l s o n i c b a c k g r o u n d s , t h i s m u s i c w i t h its c o m p o s i t i o n a l 

a p p r o a c h , s e e m e d m o r e effective a n d s p e c i f i c at s u p p o r t i n g t h e i d e a s t a b l e d b y t h e 

w r i t i n g . 

D r . P e t e r G o u z o u a s i s , C h a i r o f M u s i c E d u c a t i o n i n C u r r i c u l u m S t u d i e s h a d 

o c c a s i o n a l l y v i s i t e d D r . L e g g o ' s c o u r s e o n N a r r a t i v e I n q u i r y . A f t e r s e e i n g m y 

a r c h e t y p e p r o j e c t a n d h e a r i n g s o m e o f m y s o u n d s c a p e s , h e r e c o g n i z e d t h a t I w a s 

u n w i t t i n g l y d e v e l o p i n g a h o m e s p u n m e t h o d o l o g y t h a t p a r a l l e l e d t h e t h e o r i z i n g o f a 

n e w a r t s - b a s e d m e t h o d o l o g y n a m e d a / r / t o g r a p h y . H i s u n q u a l i f i e d s u p p o r t o f m y 

r i s k - t a k i n g a d v e n t u r e s i n t o t h i s c o m p o s i t e a r t i s t i c f o r m , c o m b i n e d w i t h h i s f r i e n d l y 

10 



n u d g i n g t o h a v e m e f u r t h e r i n v e s t i g a t e t h e q u e s t i o n s t h a t w e r e g e n e r a t e d t h r o u g h 

t h e p r o j e c t o f t h e a r c h e t y p e s , c o n v i n c e d m e t o c o n t i n u e t h i s l i n e o f i n q u i r y . 

I n d e e d , as D r . G o u z o u a s i s d e s c r i b e d a n d d e t a i l e d a / r / t o g r a p h y at o u r 

w e e k l y m e e t i n g s after c l a s s , I felt as i f I w a s a n a i v e a / r / t o g r a p h e r w h o h a d 

s t u m b l e d u p o n a p r o c e s s t h a t p a r a l l e l e d t h e f o r m a l w o r k a n d t h e o r i z i n g t h a t h a d 

b e e n g o i n g o n i n a / r / t o g r a p h y . A / r / t o g f a p h y , as it w a s b e i n g t h e o r i z e d (by R i t a 

I r w i n , K i t G r a u e r , C a r l L e g g o a n d P e t e r G o u z o u a s i s ) , s e e m e d l i k e a n a t u r a l 

m e t h o d o l o g i c a l fit f o r m y r e s e a r c h as it a d d r e s s e d t h e gap i n m y a n a l y s i s i n l i g h t o f 

w h o I a m a n d w h a t I k n o w . . It b e g a n t o u n f o l d w h o I w a s . 

A / r / t o g r a p h y e m b r a c e s n u m e r o u s n a r r a t i v e t e c h n i q u e s , i n c l u d i n g 

a u t o e t h n o g r a p h y , a u t o b i o g r a p h y , p o e t r y , a n d c r e a t i v e n o n - f i c t i o n w h i c h it 

c o m b i n e s w i t h o t h e r a r t i s t i c g e n r e s . I n i t i a l l y , I l o o k e d at t h e m e t h o d o l o g y o f 

a u t o e t h n o g r a p h y as a m e a n s t o e x p r e s s b u r g e o n i n g n a r r a t i v e a s p e c t s o f m y 

r e s e a r c h . 

Autoethnography 

A Partial Solution 

T h e a u t o e t h n o g r a p h i c m o v e m e n t e m b r a c e s a n u m b e r o f v a l u e s t h a t 

r e s o n a t e w i t h m y c o n c e r n o f t h e r e t r i e v a l , r e a s s e s s m e n t , a n d f o r m a l i z i n g o f 

k n o w l e d g e . T h i s m o d e r n m e t h o d o l o g y , l i k e m a n y s o c i a l s c i e n c e s t h a t h a v e b e e n 

t h e o r i z e d t h r o u g h t h e tenets o f p o s t - m o d e r n i s m , o p e n l y a d m i t s t h a t p u r e 

o b j e c t i v i t y (i.e., k n o w l e d g e w i t h o u t c o n t e x t u a l f r a m i n g ) is n o t t r u l y p o s s i b l e . 

F u r t h e r , a u t o e t h n o g r a p h y e m b r a c e s t h e n o t i o n t h a t r e s e a r c h e r s c a n p a r t i c i p a t e 

a n d t u r n t h e p r o c e s s o f e t h n o g r a p h i c i n q u i r y i n w a r d o n t h e m s e l v e s . 

11 



A u t o e t h n o g r a p h y is a n a t u r a l , p o s t - m o d e r n i s t e x t e n s i o n o f its e t h n o g r a p h i c 

r o o t s . I n i t i a l l y , e t h n o g r a p h e r s , as f r a m e d w i t h i n q u a n t i t a t i v e r e s e a r c h 

m e t h o d o l o g i e s , r e p r e s e n t e d t h e m s e l v e s as " i n v i s i b l e " o b s e r v e r s w h o d i l i g e n t l y a n d 

s y s t e m a t i c a l l y o b s e r v e d a n d r e c o r d e d s o c i a l l i f e a n d i n t e r a c t i o n . T h r o u g h a s e r i e s 

o f m u l t i - l a y e r e d e v e n t s , n o t t h e least o f w h i c h b e i n g t h e r i s e o f p o s t - m o d e r n i s t 

t h i n k i n g a n d q u a l i t a t i v e r e s e a r c h , e t h n o g r a p h e r s b e g a n t o q u e s t i o n t h e m o d e r n i s t 

a s s u m p t i o n s o f o b j e c t i v i t y . 

T h i s w a v e o f t h e o r i z i n g s p a r k e d t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f a h o s t o f a l t e r n a t i v e 

m e t h o d o l o g i e s that a t t e m p t e d t o a d d r e s s t h e p r o b l e m s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h o b j e c t i v i t y . 

A s a r e s u l t , a t t e m p t s at o b j e c t i v i t y i n t h e s o c i a l s c i e n c e s b e c a m e t e m p e r e d b y t h e 

n o t i o n s o f r e f l e x i v i t y a n d s o c i a l c o n s t r u c t i o n s o f r e a l i t y ( G a i t a n , 2000). E v e r -

b u r g e o n i n g n u m b e r s o f t h e a c a d e m i c c o m m u n i t y a r g u e d t h a t t h e o b s e r v e r ' s s p e c i a l 

v a n t a g e p o i n t w i t h i n r e s e a r c h o f f e r e d a u n i q u e access p o i n t t o p r e v i o u s l y 

u n t a p p e d k n o w l e d g e t h a t w a s i n f o r m e d b y t h e o b s e r v e r ' s p a r t i c i p a t i o n a n d 

e x p e r i e n c e s w i t h a n d w i t h i n t h e a r e a / p e o p l e t h a t w e r e b e i n g r e s e a r c h e d . T h e 

p r o x i m i t y a n d t h e i n t e r a c t i o n s o f t h e o b s e r v e r w i t h t h e o b s e r v e d b e c a m e v a l u e d 

a n d n e c e s s a r y a v e n u e s f o r t h e r e s e a r c h e r t o e x p l o r e . A s G a i t a n , (2000) states, " N o t 

o n l y does c l o s e n e s s n o t h a v e t o r e s u l t i n ' b i a s ' (an e x p r e s s i o n d e r i v e d f r o m t h e 

b e l i e f t h a t subject a n d object n e e d t o b e k e p t s e p a r a t e ) , b u t it m a y foster a 

p r i v i l e g e d p o i n t o f v i e w (an ' i n s i d e r ' s ' p e r s p e c t i v e ) t h a t c a n b e o f f e r e d t o t h e r e a d e r 

so t h a t d e e p e r u n d e r s t a n d i n g i n c o n v e y e d . " ( 2000, p. 1.) 

T h e w o r k o f E l l i s (1998) h a s t a k e n t h e l e v e l o f i n t i m a c y a n d r e f l e x i v i t y t o a 
n e w l e v e l as she 
seeks t o d e v e l o p a n e t h n o g r a p h y that i n c l u d e s r e s e a r c h e r s ' v u l n e r a b l e 

selves, e m o t i o n s , b o d i e s , a n d s p i r i t s ; p r o d u c e s evocative s t o r i e s t h a t create 
t h e effect o f r e a l i t y ; celebrates c o n c r e t e e x p e r i e n c e a n d i n t i m a t e d e t a i l ; 

12 



e x a m i n e s h o w h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e is e n d o w e d w i t h m e a n i n g ; is c o n c e r n e d 
w i t h m o r a l , e t h i c a l , a n d p o l i t i c a l c o n s e q u e n c e s ; e n c o u r a g e s c o m p a s s i o n a n d 
e m p a t h y ; h e l p s u s k n o w h o w t o l i v e a n d c o p e ; . . . . i n s h o r t , t o e x t e n d 
e t h n o g r a p h y t o i n c l u d e the h e a r t , t h e a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l , a n d t h e a r t i s t i c text 
( 1 9 9 8 , p. 6 6 9 . ) 

A l t h o u g h t h e c o n c e p t u a l tenets o f a u t o e t h n o g r a p h y a p p e a l e d t o m e , I 

n e e d e d a m e t h o d o l o g y t h a t c o u l d i n c o r p o r a t e a n d v a l u e a n i n t e r d i s c i p l i n a r y a r t i s t i c 

v e n t u r e as I w a n t e d t o use a n a u t o e t h n o g r a p h i c n a r r a t i v e style w i t h m u s i c . T h u s , I 

c o n c l u d e d t h a t a u t o e t h n o g r a p h y w a s a p a r t i a l s o l u t i o n as it o f f e r e d t h e i n t i m a c y 

a n d c a n d o r t h a t I n e e d e d , b u t w i t h a c o n t i n u e d s e a r c h f o r a m e t h o d o l o g y t h a t 

w o u l d u s e m u l t i - t i e r e d a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n t o i n f o r m . 

A/r/tography 

A path to make sense of multi-storied archetypes and multi-layered avenues of 

artistic expression 

T h e b r o a d e r m e t h o d o l o g y o f a / r / t o g r a p h y s e e m e d a w i s e r c h o i c e t o f r a m e 

a n d f o c u s m y r e s e a r c h , as it is l i v i n g i n q u i r y t h a t celebrates m a n y f o r m s a n d 

c o l l a g e s o f a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n as a m e a n s o f e p i s t e m o l o g i c a l p r o c e s s ( I r w i n 2005). 

F u r t h e r m o r e , a / r / t o g r a p h y i s a p r o c e s s / m e t h o d o l o g y t h a t a d d r e s s e s t h e u n i q u e 

n e e d s o f a r t i s t s w h o are a l s o r e s e a r c h e r s , as w e l l as b e i n g t e a c h e r s — (hence t h e 

s t y l i z e d a / r / t i n t h e n a m e a / r / t o g r a p h y ) . A l t h o u g h a / r / t o g r a p h y w a s o r i g i n a l l y 

i n t e n d e d t o assist v i s u a l artists i n a u t h e n t i c a t i n g t h e i r art as p a r t o f t h e i r r e s e a r c h , 

i t s m e t h o d o l o g i c a l p r o c e s s is b e i n g u s e d f o r a n e v e r - e x p a n d i n g l i s t o f d i v e r s e a r t 

f o r m s , i n c l u d i n g l i t e r a r y , m u s i c a l , a n d p e r f o r m a t i v e arts. 

13 



A / r / t o g r a p h e r s refer t o s i x e s s e n t i a l c o n c e p t s t h r o u g h w h i c h t h e 

a / r / t o g r a p h i c m e t h o d o l o g y is f r a m e d a n d e x p r e s s e d o r r e n d e r e d . T h e s e s i x 

e s s e n t i a l r e n d e r i n g s o r " a c t i v e m e t h o d o l o g i c a l a g e n t s " ( I r w i n 2005) i n c l u d e 

t h e c o n c e p t s o f c o n t i g u i t y , l i v i n g i n q u i r y , o p e n i n g s , m e t a p h o r / m e t o n y m y , 
r e v e r b e r a t i o n s a n d e x c e s s " w h i c h c a n b e " e n a c t e d a n d p r e s e n t e d / p e r f o r m e d 
w h e n a r e l a t i o n a l a e s t h e t i c i n q u i r y a p p r o a c h is e n v i s i o n e d as e m b o d i e d 
u n d e r s t a n d i n g s a n d e x c h a n g e s b e t w e e n a r t a n d text, a n d b e t w e e n a n d 
a m o n g t h e b r o a d l y c o n c e i v e d i d e n t i t i e s o f a r t i s t / r e s e a r c h e r / t e a c h e r . 
( S p r i n g g a y , S . , I r w i n , R . L . , W i l s o n K i n d , S . 2005.) 

T h u s , t h e a / r / t o g r a p h i c i n q u i r y is d e f i n e d b y i t s p o s i t i o n i n g o f t h e t e x t i n t h e 

r e s e a r c h . F o r a / r / t o g r a p h e r s , t h e s u p p o r t i n g text is n o t s e p a r a t e f r o m t h e art. I r w i n 

d e f i n e d t h e c o n c e p t o f c o n t i g u i t y as t h e act o f d o u b l i n g a r t a n d g r a p h y . 

" V i s u a l / p e r f o r m a t i v e a n d t e x t u a l p r o c e s s e s a n d p r o d u c t s ar e n o t s e p a r a t e a n d 

d i s t i n c t b u t are i n c o n t i g u o u s i n t e r a c t i o n w h i c h d i s r u p t t a k e n f o r g r a n t e d 

c a t e g o r i z a t i o n s o f k n o w l e d g e p r o d u c t i o n " ( I r w i n , 2005). A r t i s t i c r e n d e r i n g s w o r k 

w i t h a n d t h r o u g h text i n a d y n a m i c , i n t e g r a t e d , p r o c e s s i o n a l d a n c e o f r e v e l a t i o n 

a n d r e f l e c t i o n . A / r / t o g r a p h e r s are f a s c i n a t e d w i t h i n t e r s t i t i a l s p a c e s t h a t i n c l u d e 

areas t h a t exist at t h e b o u n d a r i e s o f t h e i r v a r i o u s r o l e s as a r t i s t s , r e s e a r c h e r s , a n d 

t e a c h e r s , t h e i r p e d a g o g i e s a n d t h e i r a u d i e n c e s ( S p r i n g g a y , S . , I r w i n , R . L . , W i l s o n 

K i n d , S. 2005). T h e n o t i o n o f b o u n d a r i e s , t h e b l u r r i n g o f b o u n d a r i e s a n d t h e 

s h i f t i n g o f b o u n d a r i e s is a n a r e a o f i n t e n s e s c r u t i n y . S p r i n g g a y ' s (2004) r e s e a r c h 

h a s l e d h e r t o d e f i n e t h e s e v a r i o u s b o u n d e d r o l e s / i d e n t i t i e s as " f r a g m e n t s , (that 

are) l e a k y , abject, s h i f t i n g , a n d u n s t a b l e " ( S p r i n g g a y i n I r w i n , de C o s s o n , 2004, p. 

60). F o r S p r i n g g a y , "it is n o t a b l u r r i n g o f b o u n d a r i e s t h a t I b r i n g t o m y a r t -

m a k i n g , r e s e a r c h , a n d t e a c h i n g , b u t r a t h e r a b o u n d a r y s h i f t , o n e t h a t is s i t u a t e d i n 

14 



t h e seam, w h e r e m u l t i p l e i m a g e s , i d e n t i t i e s , a n d w a y s o f k n o w i n g c o l l i d e a n d are i n 

t e n s i o n w i t h e a c h o t h e r " (2004, p.60). 

T h e f o c u s o n t h e r o l e s a n d t h e i n t e r p l a y b e t w e e n t h e s e r o l e s w e i g h s h e a v i l y 

o n t h e d i r e c t i o n ( s ) o f t h e e n d e a v o r . S p r i n g g a y (2004) b e l i e v e s t h a t t h i s f o c u s " . . . 

b e c o m e s a n o n t o l o g i c a l c o m p l e x i t y w h e r e t h e q u e s t i o n s a s k e d are o n e s o f b e i n g : 

W h o d o y o u t h i n k y o u are? H o w d o y o u k n o w ? H o w d o w e p e r f o r m i n r e l a t i o n t o 

t h e s e s h i f t i n g b o u n d a r i e s ? " (p. 61). 

The Inevitability of the Ontological Dance 

The first step in any original, mature, artistic endeavor is to know yourself 

S p r i n g g a y ' s f u n d a m e n t a l o n t o l o g i c a l l y b o r n q u e s t i o n s rest at t h e c o r e o f a n y 

e n d e a v o r i n t o t h e arts o r t h r o u g h a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s . S i m p l y p u t , as artists a n d 

h u m a n s , w e m u s t k n o w o u r s e l v e s i n o r d e r t o k n o w . V e x i n g q u e s t i o n s s u r r o u n d t h e 

i s s u e o f h o w w e i n f o r m o u r s e l v e s o f o u r s e l v e s . O f t e n , t h i s p r o c e s s o f s e l f - r e a l i z a t i o n 

m a n i f e s t s t h r o u g h a c o m p l e x u n / r a y e l i n g o f r e a l i z a t i o n s , e p i p h a n i e s a n d regrets. 

O u r o w n i m m a t u r i t i e s a n d s e l f - d e c e p t i o n s as w e l l as e x t e r n a l f o r c e s , act as 

g o v e r n o r s t o t h e rate at w h i c h w e u n f o l d . D e Cosson(2003) r e m i n d s o f t h e t h e 

P i n a r a n d G r u m e t q u o t a t i o n : " W e m u s t l a y i n w a i t i n g f o r o u r s e l v e s . T h r o u g h o u t 

o u r l i v e s . A b a n d o n i n g t h e p r e t e n s e t h a t w e k n o w " ( P i n a r & G r u m e t , 1976, p. v i i i ) . 

T h e r e c a n b e , h o w e v e r , n u a n c e s t o t h e p r e r e q u i s i t e s a n d c o n d i t i o n s that m u s t b e 

e x a m i n e d b e f o r e w e , as a / r / t o g r a p h e r s p r o c e e d i n a c o n s c i o u s effort at a n s w e r i n g 

o r u n f o l d i n g these o n t o l o g i c a l m y s t e r i e s . 

15 



F o r o n e , w e m u s t see o r i n t u i t i v e l y sense t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f i n t r o s p e c t i o n . If 

n o v a l u e o r sense o f g a i n is p e r c e i v e d , it is u n l i k e l y t h e r e w i l l b e a n y g e n u i n e 

p r o g r e s s . 

A n d e v e n i f w e sense t h e r e l e v a n c e o f these s o r t s o f q u e s t i o n s / r i d d l e s , w e 

m u s t h a v e t h e c o u r a g e t o k n o w . W h a t w i l l h a p p e n i f w e are u n c o m f o r t a b l e o r 

d i s g r a c e d w i t h w h a t w e f i n d ? W h a t i f t h e t r u t h f u l n e s s o f o u r u n f o l d i n g r i p s at t h e 

v e r y f a b r i c o f w h o w e t h o u g h t w e w e r e ? It is h a r d t o t u r n b a c k . C a r o l y n E l l i s ( 1 9 9 9 ) 

w r i t e s t h a t r e v e l a t o r y e x p l o r a t i o n 

generates a l o t o f fears a n d s e l f - d o u b t s a n d e m o t i o n a l p a i n . J u s t w h e n y o u 
t h i n k y o u c a n ' t s t a n d t h e p a i n a n y m o r e , w e l l t h a t ' s w h e n t h e r e a l w o r k h a s 
o n l y b e g u n . T h e n t h e r e ' s t h e v u l n e r a b i l i t y o f r e v e a l i n g y o u r s e l f , n o t b e i n g 
a b l e t o t a k e b a c k w h a t y o u ' v e w r i t t e n o f h a v i n g a n y c o n t r o l o v e r h o w r e a d e r s 
i n t e r p r e t it. It's h a r d n o t t o feel y o u r l i f e is b e i n g c r i t i q u e d as w e l l as y o u r 
w o r k . It c a n be h u m i l i a t i n g ( p . 6 7 1 ) . 

W i t h a l l o f these p o t e n t i a l p i t f a l l s , w e , as a / r / t o g r a p h e r s , m u s t b e l i e v e t h a t 

t h e u n f o l d i n g o f o u r t r u e selves is i n d e e d t h e c o r r e c t p a t h o r at l e a s t t h e p r o c e s s 

w i l l e v e n t u a l l y m o v e t o w a r d s o m e b a l a n c e o r n e w k n o w l e d g e . 

A l s o , w e m u s t b e l i e v e w e are w o r t h y e n o u g h t o r i s k l e a r n i n g t h e t r u t h . A s 

w e l l as s e n s i n g v a l u e a n d h a v i n g t h e c o u r a g e t o h o n e s t l y p r o c e e d , w e m u s t v a l u e 

o u r s e l v e s . T h a t i s , w e m u s t b e l i e v e , f o r w h a t e v e r r e a s o n s , t h a t o u r s t o r i e s , b e l i e f s , 

a c c u m u l a t e d e x p e r i e n c e s , a n d acts o f a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n , w a r r a n t t h e p u b l i c act o f 

u n r a v e l i n g a n d e x p o s u r e . 

A s w e l l as t h e s e h u r d l e s , t h e e n o r m i t y o f t h e t a s k c a n b e d a u n t i n g : T h e r e are 

m a n y aspects o f " s e l f t o k n o w . T h e r e are t h e deep c h a s m s t h a t c a n o n l y b e m i n e d 

t h r o u g h a r t i s t i c p r o c e s s b u t t h e r e a r e , o f c o u r s e , o t h e r " s e l v e s " w i t h i n o u r 

16 



m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a l p e r s o n a l i t i e s . I n fact, m y c l a y f i g u r i n e a r c h e t y p e s w e r e a n 

u n c o n s c i o u s o u t p o u r i n g o f the v e r y i s s u e o f o u r m a n y s i d e s / w a y s / v a l u e s o f b e i n g . 

M y c a t e g o r i z i n g o f these w a y s o f b e i n g i s , f r o m o n e p e r s p e c t i v e , v e r y 

a r t i f i c i a l . B u t w h a t i n t r i g u e d m e w a s t h e w a y s i n w h i c h t h e a r c h e t y p e s o v e r l a p p e d 

a n d i n f o r m e d t h e a c t i o n s o f t h e o t h e r s . G o u z o u a s i s (2007) a d d r e s s e s t h e f o l l o w i n g 

q u e s t i o n : 

T h u s , o n e m a y c o n s i d e r that t h e s y n t h e t i c , s p l i t b i n a r i e s o f t e a c h e r - a r t i s t , 
t e a c h e r - r e s e a r c h e r , r e s e a r c h e r - a r t i s t d i s s o l v e i n t o a r e l a t i o n a l , i n c l u s i v e 
p e r s p e c t i v e o f a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e a r t i s t / r e s e a r c h e r / t e a c h e r , 
m e t a p h o r i c a l l y d e f i n e d b y t h e E s c h e r i n k s k e t c h , " D r a w i n g H a n d s . " T h u s , 
e a c h aspect o f a r t i s t / r e s e a r c h e r / t e a c h e r s i m u l t a n e o u s l y n u r t u r e s t h e o t h e r -
c r e a t i n g a n d b e i n g c r e a t e d i n a n o n g o i n g p r o c e s s o f l i v i n g i n q u i r y 
(p. 226). 

T h u s , t h e s h i f t i n g a n d b l u r r i n g o f b o u n d a r i e s a n d t h e c o n t i n u o u s c i r c u l a r 

l o o p o f p e r s o n a l r e f l e c t i o n , r e a l i z a t i o n , a n d r e v i s i o n i n a p u b l i c f o r u m are c r i t i c a l 

e l e m e n t s t o t h i s a r t i s t i c m e t h o d o l o g i c a l p r o c e s s . B u t as I a l l u d e d t o e a r l i e r , t h e 

n u a n c e s o f t h i s p r o c e s s generate f o r m e a n o t h e r c o n n o t a t i o n o f t h e n o t i o n o f 

b o u n d a r i e s . W h e n I a m l o o k i n g at b o u n d a r i e s , I a m n o t o n l y l o o k i n g at b o u n d a r i e s 

t h a t l i e w i t h - i n m y o w n m u l t i - l a y e r e d p e r s o n a , b u t I h a v e h a d t o l o o k at m y o w n 

c o n c e p t u a l f r a m i n g . T h e l i m i t s o r b o u n d a r i e s o f m y p e r s o n a l i t y n e e d e d t o b e 

b r o k e n i n o r d e r t o generate a n o r i g i n a l a r t i s t i c m i n d s e t - o n e i n w h i c h t h e t e n a c i o u s 

g r i p o f c u l t u r a l n o r m s a n d v a l u e s c o u l d b e r e v i e w e d , a n d , p o t e n t i a l l y a b a n d o n e d . 

17 



Reflections in the Infinite Now 

Increasing the Frequency ofArational Transcendence Through Ritual 

T h e n o t i o n o f l i v i n g i n q u i r y is a c r i t i c a l p r e m i s e i n t h e m e t h o d o l o g y o f 

a / r / t o g r a p h y . A / r / t o g r a p h y i s , b y its v e r y n a t u r e , a h o l i s t i c e n d e a v o r t h a t 

s y n t h e s i z e s n o t o n l y t h e m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a l l i v e s o f a r t i s t s w h o are r e s e a r c h e r s a n d 

t e a c h e r s b u t it creates a m a r r i a g e b e t w e e n a r t i s t i c p r a x i s a n d t h e o r i z i n g . T h i s 

p r o c e s s o f l i v i n g i n q u i r y is o f t e n c a t a l y z e d b y t h e n o t i o n o f r i t u a l i z e d p r a c t i c e . 

A / r / t o g r a p h e r B a r b a r a B i c k e l h a s l i n k e d t h e c o n c e p t o f a r a t i o n a l i s m w i t h 

a / r / t o g r a p h i c r i t u a l . S h e a r g u e s t h a t t h e c o n t e x t o f a r a t i o n a l i s m c a n b e m a n i f e s t e d 

t h r o u g h t h e u s e o f r i t u a l . "Ritual e s s e n t i a l l y i n c l u d e s a n a r a t i o n a l s a c r e d p r a c t i c e o f 

t r a n s - e g o i c r e s p e c t / a w a r e n e s s / o p e n n e s s t o t h e c r e a t i v e i n t e r a c t i o n o f p h y s i c a l , 

e m o t i o n a l , i n t e l l e c t u a l a n d s p i r i t u a l r e a l i t i e s , w i t h i n n a t u r e , c u l t u r e a n d self, f o r 

t h e p u r p o s e o f t r a n s f o r m a t i o n " ( B i c k e l , 2 0 0 5 , p 7 ) . L i k e B i c k e l , I v a l u e r i t u a l i z e d 

v i s i t a t i o n s t o t h e site o f t h e a r a t i o n a l t o a l l o w t h e u n k n o w n t o s u r f a c e t h r o u g h m e 

a n d t h r o u g h m y art m a k i n g . 

P l a y i n g g u i t a r h a s a l w a y s b e e n a t r a n s c e n d e n t p r o c e s s f o r m e — a n e n t r a n c e 

p o i n t t o t h e site o f t h e a r a t i o n a l . B u t w h e n I s t a r t e d t h e p r a c t i c e o f m e d i t a t i o n i n 

1 9 7 9 , 1 w a s s u r p r i s e d a n d d e l i g h t e d t o f i n d t h a t it t o o k m e t o t h e s a m e a r a t i o n a l 

space as m y g u i t a r . P r i o r t o t h i s , I h a d b e e n q u i t e d e p e n d e n t o h t h e g u i t a r t o e n t e r 

t h i s z o n e o f c r e a t i v i t y t h a t i s b o t h i n v i g o r a t i n g a n d g r o u n d i n g . M y m e d i t a t i v e 

p r a c t i c e , w h i c h is c o n n e c t e d t o t h e V e d i c t r a d i t i o n s o f I n d i a , i s s t e e p e d i n h i s t o r y 

a n d t r a d i t i o n a n d i s , b y d e f i n i t i o n , r i t u a l i s t i c . S o o n after l e a r n i n g t o m e d i t a t e , I t i e d 

18 



it i n t o m y m u s i c . I d e v e l o p e d a r i t u a l o f a l w a y s m e d i t a t i n g b e f o r e p r a c t i c i n g a n d 

e s p e c i a l l y b e f o r e a m u s i c a l p e r f o r m a n c e . 

It is e x t r e m e l y d i f f i c u l t t o i d e n t i f y w h a t t h i s r i t u a l g i v e s m e a n d m y a r t i s t i c 

e n d e a v o r s , b u t at t h e least, it p r o d u c e s a c l e a r s p a c e i n m y m i n d so t h a t it b e c o m e s 

u n e n c u m b e r e d b y t h e n o i s y i n t e r n a l c o n v e r s a t i o n s t h a t rage t h r o u g h a l l o f u s . I 

q u e s t i o n w h e t h e r t h e a r a t i o n a l p r o c e s s n e e d s t o b e , o r e v e n c a n b e , e x p l a i n e d . It 

m a y n o t b e p o s s i b l e t o s a t i s f a c t o r i l y t h e o r i z e t h e a r a t i o n a l p r o c e s s t h r o u g h t h e 

d u a l i s t i c l e n s o f w e s t e r n a c a d e m i c t h o u g h t . P r y e r (2002), B a i (2001) a n d S y n o t t 

(1993) h a v e a r g u e d t h a t t h e c u l t i v a t i o n o f W e s t e r n t h o u g h t a n d l o g o s h a s g e n e r a t e d 

a s k e w e d , d i s e m b o d i e d , a n d f r a c t a l sense o f k n o w l e d g e a n d k n o w l e d g e a c q u i s i t i o n . 

B a i (2001) refers t o a l o s s o f g r o u n d i n g o f i d e a s t o o u r senses t o a p o i n t o f " s e m i -

c o n s c i o u s n e s s o r e v e n u n c o n s c i o u s n e s s " (p. 89). 

I n m y e x p e r i e n c e , a r t i s t i c e n d e a v o r i s s o s a t i s f y i n g b e c a u s e it m e n d s t h i s 

t y r a n n y o f a r t i f i c i a l c o n t e x t s o f c o p i n g . A r t i s t i c e n d e a v o r i s h e a l i n g a n d self-

r e v e l a t o r y . M y o w n r e c e n t e x p l o r a t i o n s a n d r e n d e r i n g s o f r e v e l a t i o n a n d r e f l e c t i o n 

c a n b e l o o s e l y g r o u p e d b y t h e f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n s : 

W h e r e d o I c o m e f r o m ? 

W h a t d o I e n c o u n t e r ? 

W h a t d o I create ( i n t h e c l a s s r o o m , t h e a c a d e m y , a n d f o r m y s e l f ? ) 

T h e s e q u e s t i o n s b e c a m e a p p a r e n t after I h a d s p e n t m a n y h o u r s r e t u r n i n g t o 

i n t u i t i v e , a r a t i o n a l s p a c e s , i n a n a t t e m p t t o r e c l a i m m y o w n , a u t h e n t i c v o i c e 

t h r o u g h r i t u a l i z e d a r t i s t i c e n d e a v o r a n d a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s e s . 

S e c t i o n II o f t h i s p a p e r c h r o n i c l e s t h e r e c l a m a t i o n o f v o i c e t h r o u g h a r t i s t i c 

r e n d e r i n g s . 

19 



The Poet and the Piper 

T h e p r o c e s s o f r e c l a i m i n g m y v o i c e w a s a i d e d b y a f o r m a l c o l l a b o r a t i v e 

a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o j e c t w i t h D r . C a r l L e g g o . U p o n h e a r i n g s o m e o f m y a / r / t o g r a p h i c 

r e n d e r i n g s o f a m a l g a m s o f p o e t r y a n d m u s i c , C a r l i n q u i r e d i f I w o u l d b e i n t e r e s t e d 

i n c o m p o s i n g s o m e m u s i c f o r h i s p o e t r y . I m m e d i a t e l y , I j u m p e d at t h e o p p o r t u n i t y 

t o w o r k w i t h t h i s i n t e r n a t i o n a l l y r e n o w n e d p o e t a n d s c h o l a r o f l a n g u a g e a n d 

l i t e r a c y . 

H a v i n g a g r e e d t o t h e p r o j e c t , I w a s i n i t i a l l y o v e r w h e l m e d w i t h c o n f l i c t i n g 

e m o t i o n s o f h a p p i n e s s a n d a n x i e t y . C l e a r l y , it w a s a great h o n o u r t o h a v e a c h a n c e 

t o w r i t e m u s i c f o r t h i s p o e t . I h a d t h o r o u g h l y e n j o y e d a n d h a d b e e n m o v e d b y a l l o f 

C a r l ' s p o e t i c p e r f o r m a n c e s t h r o u g h o u t h i s classes. I a d m i r e d b o t h t h e p o e t r y a n d 

C a r l ' s w o n d e r f u l d e l i v e r y o f h i s w o r k s . I n these e p i s o d e s o f p e r f o r m a n c e p o e t r y , 

C a r l c o u l d l i f t t h e w o r d s off t h e page a n d b r e a t h e a n e w d y n a m i c o f e n e r g y a n d 

m e a n i n g i n t o t h e w o r k s . C a r l m a d e t h e p o e t r y v i b r a t e w i t h l i f e a n d p o i g n a n c y . 

A n d s o , I w a s e x c i t e d at t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f a d d i n g a n o t h e r d i m e n s i o n t o t h e 

p r e s e n t a t i o n o f h i s p o e m s . I w a s , h o w e v e r , a n x i o u s a b o u t h o w C a r l w o u l d react t o 

m y a r t i s t i c r e s p o n s e t o h i s p o e t r y . W h a t i f I d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d w h a t h e w a s s a y i n g ? 

W h a t i f m y m u s i c e m p h a s i z e d o r t o o k t h e p o e t r y o n a n i n a p p r o p r i a t e t a n g e n t ? A n d 

so i n e n t e r i n g i n t o t h i s c o l l a b o r a t i o n , I e s t a b l i s h e d a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g w i t h C a r l t h a t 

h e w a s u n d e r n o o b l i g a t i o n t o e m b r a c e a n y o f m y m u s i c a l o f f e r i n g s . 

A s it t u r n e d o u t , C a r l h a d a b s o l u t e f a i t h i n m y a b i l i t y . H e n e v e r t r i e d t o 

e x p l a i n t h e p o i n t ( s ) o f h i s p o e t r y . H e d i d n o t r e a l l y h i n t at a n y d i r e c t i o n t h a t I 

20 



s h o u l d t a k e w i t h t h e m u s i c . H e d i d , h o w e v e r , a n s w e r s o m e q u e s t i o n s t h a t I h a d 

a b o u t t h e m , b u t h e e s s e n t i a l l y let t h e p o e m s a n d h i s d e l i v e r y e x p l a i n t h e m s e l v e s t o 

m e . 

A n d s o , o u r p r o c e s s w a s e x t r e m e l y s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d . C a r l m a d e a f e w v i s i t s t o 

m y h o m e s t u d i o a n d s i m p l y p e r f o r m e d t h e p o e m s . I r e c o r d e d a c o u p l e t a k e s u n t i l 

C a r l felt h a p p y w i t h h i s p e r f o r m a n c e . F r o m t h e p r o c e s s , I r e a l i z e d C a r l h a d c e r t a i n 

r h y t h m s i m p l i e d i n s o m e o f h i s v a r i o u s p o e m s . T o a s s i s t i n m y p a r t , C a r l a g r e e d t o 

h a v e a m e t r o n o m e c l i c k i n g s o f t l y i n h i s h e a d p h o n e s . It w a s m y h o p e t h a t t h e 

c l i c k i n g w o u l d s u p p o r t h i s o w n i n t e r n a l r h y t h m s a n d t h e r e b y h e l p w i t h t h e f l o w o f 

t h e m u s i c . 

W e e n d e d u p r e c o r d i n g s e v e n p o e m s . A f t e r n u m e r o u s l i s t e n i n g s t o C a r l ' s 

p e r f o r m a n c e s , I f o l l o w e d m y i n t u i t i v e p r o c e s s t o generate s o u n d s a p p r o p r i a t e t o 

m y u n d e r s t a n d i n g . T h e i n i t i a l i d e a s w e n t q u i c k l y b u t r e c o r d i n g t h e s e i d e a s w a s 

m o r e l a b o r - i n t e n s i v e as I t r a c k e d m y s e l f a g a i n a n d a g a i n t o create s o m e o f t h e 

m u s i c a l m o n t a g e s . It t o o k a b o u t 1 5 0 o d d h o u r s o v e r a t h r e e - w e e k p e r i o d i n A u g u s t 

2 0 0 5 . 

T o m y j o y a n d relief, C a r l s e e m e d d e l i g h t e d w i t h t h e r e s u l t s . B o t h C a r l a n d 

h i s w i f e , L a n a , felt t h a t I h a d s u c c e s s f u l l y c a p t u r e d t h e s p i r i t o f h i s p o e t r y . T h e s e 

r e n d e r i n g s are i n c l u d e d o n t h e C D w i t h t h e w o r k i n g t i t l e T h e P o e t a n d t h e P i p e r . 

21 



S e c t i o n II 

A/r/tographic Renderings 

l . Where do I come from/to? 

Driving with No Hands 

Preamble: 
Driving with no hands is about the time When You Are Young and on the 

Path. It is a time when you don't know a lot about life, but you know when it feels 
right. Recently I had a marvelous experience that once again reminded me of the 
feelings that I had so long ago. This unconscious and unsolicited reflection turned 
out to be a gift, as the return to the "past I" in all its sensory glory helped me 
reclaim an important part of my personal story that I had dismissed as a sort of 
mistake/regret. 

D r i v i n g w i t h N o H a n d s 

Y o u c o u l d n e v e r t e l l 
F r o m t h e s e o l d m i s m a t c h e d c l o t h e s , 

W o r n o u t s n e a k e r s , t i r e d D o c k e r s t h a t 
T h e r e h a d e v e r b e e n t h e p r e s e n c e o f c o o l 

Y o u w o u l d p r o b a b l y n e v e r t h i n k t h a t 
T h e m e a n d e r i n g r i v e r s o f m y f a c i a l l i n e s 
F o r m e d n o t f r o m stress b u t r a t h e r f r o m 

Y e a r s o f g r i n n i n g f r o m ear t o ear 
A n d m y l a r g e t e m p l e v e i n g r e w f o r t h 
T o s u p p o r t t h e h y p e r - b l o o d f l o w t h a t 

A c c o m p a n i e s o n l y t h e p u r e s t o f p l e a s u r e s , 
T h e p l e a s u r e t h a t t e l l s y o u , " Y o u are o n t h e p a t h " 

I t e l l y o u o f t h i s b e c a u s e o f 
A c h a n g e i n t h e w i n d t h a t ( s o m e h o w ) 

C a t a l y z e d a b r e a t h - t a k i n g f l a s h 
W h e r e m y past p u s h e d f o r w a r d t o d a n c e 

W i t h t h e e t e r n a l n o w 

F o r as I d r o v e h o m e t o d a y , 
D e e p i n t h e g r i d a n d l o c k o f 9 t o 5 

E a t i n g t h e f u m e s a n d c u r s i n g b u f f o o n s 
In a p a n i c t o get off t h e t a r 

F o r d o m e s t i c abyss i n m y l i t t l e h o u s e i n t h e s u b 

22 



W i t h its 7 0 ' s b i g e n g i n e t i m e w a r p a n d 
N e i g h b o r s w h o are w h i t e - r i g h t o f A r n o l d , 
I w a s a m a z e d t o see t h e s u n b u r s t t h r o u g h 

T h e h e a v e n s a n d b l e s s a l l t h e p r i s o n e r s 
O f t h e c o m m u t e 

And for some reason on this special day 
T h e s u n c o n n e c t e d w i t h m e so s t r o n g l y 

T h a t I l o n g e d t o p u l l o u t a c h a i n s a w 
A n d c u t off t h e e n t i r e r o o f o f m y o l d h o u n d d o g c a r 

A n d , l i k e B r o t h e r J a k e , w h e n h e s a w t h e L i g h t , 
I too wanted to jump cartwheels 
And drive again with no hands 

F o r it gave m e a f e e l i n g t h a t I h a d f o r g o t t e n -
A f e e l i n g so s p e c i a l , so s a c r e d , s o l i f e a f f i r m i n g 

T h a t I w a n t e d t o w e e p at h o w 
E m p t y 

I 
H a d 

B e c o m e . . . 

Y o u see... 

T h e r e w a s a t i m e , 
S o l o n g ago n o w 

W h e n I t o o k a s t a n d , 
C a r v e d o u t a p l a c e , 

A n d freeze d r i e d 
T h e g r i n d i n g m e r c i l e s s p e d a n t i c i s m 

O f t h e o r d i n a r y 
F o r a c h a n c e t o f o l l o w m y h e a r t 

A n d feel 
S o a l i v e , 
S o r e a l 

I n t h i s d r a m a o f " p a s t I" 
A s a y o u n g , n a i v e a n d u n e d u c a t e d m a n , 

W i t h n o l o c u s o f s u p p o r t , 
S t a r t e d a h e r o ' s j o u r n e y 
W h i t t l i n g o u t a strategy 

A n d p u s h i n g m y w i l l p o w e r i n t o o v e r d r i v e 
T o s o l v e t h e r i d d l e s 

A n d b e c o m e t h e p l a y e r I d r e a m e d o f 
W h e n , as a l i t t l e b o y , I w o u l d p r e t e n d 

H o u r u p o n h o u r t h a t I c o u l d g u i t a r 
A n d m u s i c m a k e w i t h t h e best o f t h e m 



W o r k i n g ever s o h a r d 
I e v e n t u a l l y c r a c k e d t h e c o d e s 

A n d b u i l t u p m y h a n d s 
Shaping and molding the sound 

O f t h e g u i t a r so t h a t it w o u l d 
o u t s u s t a i n i n g stories o f m y deepest secrets 

W i t h t h e t o n e s a n d r i c h n e s s 
O f a f i n e o l d v i o l i n 

S o I c o u l d j o i n a b a n d 
A n d c a t c h t h e r o a d , p l a y i n g 

E n d l e s s s t r e a m s o f r o c k a n d r o l l 

A n d t h e l a d s I p l a y e d w i t h 
Formed special bonds 

T h a t w e r e f o r g e d t o g e t h e r 
F r o m e n d l e s s a d v e n t u r e s 

O n t h i s r o a d 
A n d l i k e r e b e l gangs 

W e h a d o u r c o l o r s a n d o u r 
A t t i t u d e a n d w o r d s t h a t m e a n t 

O n l y s o m e t h i n g t o u s 
F o r it w a s a t i g h t t e a m c i r c l e 

O f t r u s t a n d s u r v i v a l 
A n d p r i d e i n o u r s t r e n g t h 

A n d w e w e r e a f o r c e 
T o b e r e c k o n e d w i t h 

L i k e B l a c k b e a r d a n d C a p t a i n K i d d 
A n d a l l t h e i r s c u r v y m a t e s 

W e w o u l d s t o r m i n t o p r a i r i e t o w n s 
A n d p u l l u p t o t h e d o c k s 

W i t h a l l g u n s f i r i n g 
A n d w e ' d r o c k a n d r o c k 

' T i l w e r a i s e d t h e r o o f 
J u s t t o p r o v e w e c o u l d 

A n d after s i x d a y s a n d n i g h t s 
W e ' d p u l l u p a n c h o r 

F o r t h e next p o r t o f l i g h t s . . . 

This carried on for years 
A n d f o r m e t h e t h r i l l n e v e r e n d e d 
A n d t h o u g h t h e r e m a y h a v e b e e n 

B e t t e r p l a y e r s t h a n I 
C e r t a i n l y t h e r e w a s n o o n e 

W h o c o u l d s u r p a s s m y p a s s i o n 
F o r t h e s p o r t as n i g h t after n i g h t 

I t o t a l l y let go 



A n d every s i n g l e s h o w w a s 
A t o n c e a c o m p l e t e r e v e l a t i o n 

A n d c a t h a r s i s o f m y s o u l 

T e n y e a r s l a t e r 
W h e n t h e a d v e n t u r e 

C a m e t o its e n d 
A n d I b e c a m e " n o r m a l " a g a i n , 

It t o o k m e y e a r s t o c o m e off 
T h e a d r e n a l i n e - i t w a s l i k e h e r o i n 

A n d f o r l i f e t i m e s after 
I w a l k e d t h e streets 

L i k e a p r i s o n e r 
O f t h e s e t t i n g s u n 

C r a v i n g t h e r u s h a n d t h e release 
A n d t h e r e c o g n i t i o n 

A n d n e v e r s e e m i n g t o s c o r e 
E n o u g h t o a p p e a s e m y m i n d . . . 

A n d it n e v e r r e c o n c i l e d 
It j u s t f a d e d i n t i m e 

W i t h t h e a v a l a n c h e o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y 
T h a t f o l l o w s f i t t i n g i n t o s o c i e t y 

U n t i l t h i s m o m e n t w h e n 
I n t h e b l i n k o f a n d eye 
I w a s t a k e n r i g h t b a c k 

T o t h e t i m e w h e n I c o u l d f l y 
A n d d r i v e w i t h n o h a n d s . 

The Fable of Regret 

It came in through the open window 
A t that t i m e o f e a r l y m o r n i n g r e n e w a l 

W h e n t h e a i r f e a t h e r i n g y o u r n o s t r i l s 
A n d w h i s p e r i n g w a r m l y c a l l s 

F o r m o r e e n g a g e m e n t . 
Y e t y o u i g n o r e it a n d r o l l b a c k 

T o Neverland a l t h o u g h 
It w i l l n o t b e t h e s a m e 
E v e n t h o u g h t h e s u n 

S t i l l sleeps u n d e r s i l e n t w a t c h 
O f t h e r o u n d , o b s e r v i n g m o o n . 



And lunar beams twinkle the sheen 
O n t h e r e p t i l e ' s u n d u l a t i n g b a c k 

As 
It 
Silently 

Slips 
Down 

From the open frame 
And pulses across the cool tiles 

I n s e a r c h o f t h e p o s t s t o y o u r b e d , 
Its u n b l i n k i n g eyes a n d s p l i t t o n g u e 

R a d a r t h e d e s t i n a t i o n w i t h c l e a r i n t e n t i o n 

A n d s o m e p a r t o f y o u k n e w 
T h i s w a s c o m i n g . 

S u b t l e a l a r m s w e r e s o u n d i n g 
B y y o u o w n p r i m a l / a n i m a l b e i n g 

A s a n i n e x p l i c a b l e f e e l i n g 
O f c o n c e r n . 

Y e t w i t h a b s o l u t e a u t h o r i t y , 
T h e "I" i n " Y o u " 

H a s b e e n t r y i n g t o s u p p r e s s 
T h e k n o w l e d g e o f it t h e r e , 

A l t h o u g h y o u are p a i n f u l l y a w a r e 
T h a t y o u w i l l b e c a l l e d 

T o p a y t h e p i p e r 
F o r t h i s c o n s c i o u s s e l f - d e l u s i o n 

T h a t e v e n t u a l l y w i l l c o l l a p s e 
I n t o a l a b y r i n t h o f d i s / e a s e 

A n d d e s p a i r 

T h e c o l d scales b r u s h 
A g a i n s t t h e soft h a i r 

O n t h e b a c k o f y o u r n e c k 
A s t h e c r e a t u r e r e a d i e s t o b i n d 

S t i r r i n g y o u r a d r e n a l i n e j u s t i n t i m e 
F o r a t w i s t a n d p a n i c d o d g e 

T h a t y o u ' v e s p e n t a l i f e t i m e r e h e a r s i n g 
A n d s i t t i n g s t r a i g h t u p , f u l l y e n g a g e d , 

Y o u r j o l t e d w a k e f u l n e s s h a s a s p l i t s e c o n d 
T o r e a l i z e t h e size o f t h e s n a k e 

B e f o r e it s p e a k s : 
"I've c o m e t o c o l l e c t 
A n d t a k e f r o m y o u 

A l l t h a t is d u e 
F o r it is m y d u t y 



T o w r a p a r o u n d 
A n d suffocate y o u 

W i t h y o u r o w n t o x i n s 
F r o m m i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g s . 

Y e s , I h a v e g r o w n l a r g e a n d fat 
F e a s t i n g o n p l e n t i f u l n u m b e r s o f 
P r o f o u n d regrets t h a t , l i k e r a t s , 

H a v e b e e n e n t e r i n g t h e h o l e s 
I n y o u r s o u l t h a t o p e n 
A s , i n y o u r m i n d ' s eye, 

Y o u reflect 
O n y o u r l i f e a n d h o w 
V e r y c r i t i c a l c h o i c e s 

A t c r i t i c a l t i m e s 
H a s p a v e d a r o a d 
T h a t is n o t l i n e d 

W i t h g o l d 

Y e s , I h a v e o b s e r v e d t h a t 
A s y o u h a v e g r o w n o l d e r 

A n d d e e p e r i n t h e seat 
O f y o u r t r u e self 

Y o u h a v e a l s o c o g n i z e d 
T h a t y o u r d e m i s e is 
R a c i n g t o c a t c h y o u 
A n d y o u r o w n s t o r y 

Is b e i n g e t c h e d i n s t o n e 
F o r t i m e e t e r n a l 

A n d y o u are fast l o s i n g 
C o n t r o l o f y o u r d e s t i n y 

A n d e s p e c i a l l y a n y r e s o l u t i o n 
O f y o u r m e s s y s t o r i e s 

O f u n r e a l i z e d g l o r y 

Y e s , I a m t h e S n a k e o f R e g r e t 
W h o l i v e s a n d t h r i v e s 

O n y o u r f r u s t r a t i o n 
W i t h t h e f i n i t e aspect 

O f y o u r s h o r t v i s i t a t i o n 
Into this earthly vessel 

A n d w i t h y o u r m i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g s 
O f t h e v e r y n a t u r e 

O f h u m a n l e a r n i n g ' s . 



F o r y o u I h a v e 
A little compassion 

( A s t h a t is t h e f a s h i o n ) as 
Y o u r "I" c o u l d 

H a v e s c a r c e l y k n o w n 
T h a t , l i k e a w o r k e r 

I n t h e f i e l d , 
Y o u ' v e s o w n 

A d e a d l y y e a r n i n g 
F o r a p a s t r e v e r s i n g 

I n o u t c o m e . 
A n d t h e d e e p e r t h e regret, 

T h e l a r g e r J g r o w 
A n d b e f o r e y o u k n o w 
I w i l l t i g h t e n m y g r i p 

U n t i l y o u r are u n c o n s c i o u s 
A n d c o n s u m e d b y it." 

A n d t h e s n a k e ' s w o r d s 
R a n g t r u e l i k e t h e d e a f e n i n g b e l l s 

F r o m h e l l ' s hottest c o r n e r s 
R i n g i n g d i s o r i e n t a t i o n 

A c r o s s t h e u n i v e r s e 
O f m y e x p e r i e n c e . 

H o w c o u l d I t u r n t h i s a r o u n d ? 
W a s t h e r e s o m e t h i n g so p r o f o u n d 

T h a t m y t h i n k i n g h a d m i s s e d 
T h a t w o u l d t u r n a l l o f t h i s 

A r o u n d i n m y f a v o u r ? 

"I a m a f r a i d , ' d e a r ' s n a k e 
T h a t t h e r e h a s b e e n 

A c l e a r m i s t a k e 
I n i d e n t i f y i n g 
F o r it is n o t T 

W h o m y o u seek 
F o r t h e T i n m e 

H a s l o n g a b a n d o n e d 
R e g r e t s r o l e h a v i n g 

B o a r d e d u p t h e h o l e s 
W h e n I c a m e t o see 

T h a t regret, i n s t e a d o f 
H a r m i n g m e , 

Is t h e w a y 
T o m e a s u r e h o w m u c h 
I h a v e g r o w n o v e r t h i s 

T a n g l e d a n d t h o r n y p a t h 



T h a t w e a l l are e n s l a v e d 
T o e n d u r e t h r o u g h o u r t e n u r e 

O n t h i s e a r t h . 

A n d so w i t h a l l t h i s regret 
C e r t a i n l y y o u c a n see t h a t 

T h a t T i n m y 
O w n s p e c i a l w a y , 

H a s m o v e d f o r w a r d 
A n d e n c o u n t e r e d i n f i n i t e l y 
N e w d a y s o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g 

A n d t h a t w h a t , as a b o y , 
I h a d o r i g i n a l l y s o u g h t t o p u r s u e 

H a s l i t t l e t o d o w i t h w h o m 
I am now. 

R e g r e t t h e n , f o r m e , 
Is a n a f f i r m a t i o n 
A n d a m e a s u r e 

T h a t i n d e e d , 
I h a v e s u c c e e d e d 

I n m o v i n g m y s e l f f o r w a r d 
A n d t r u l y g r o w n 

T h r o u g h t h e y e a r s . 
A n d s o , r a t h e r t h a n fear, 

I c h o o s e t o feast o n regret 
A s t h e o n l y t r u e test 

O f m y g r o w t h as a h u m a n . " 

T h e S n a k e d i d h e s i t a t e 
A n d i n t h a t s e c o n d o f r e f l e c t i o n 

A n d h i s b r e a k i n i n t e n t i o n 
I d r e w t h i s n e w b l a d e 

T h a t t h r o u g h s h e e r w i l l 
M y "I" h a d f a b r i c a t e d a n d 

S w i n g i n g m y s w o r d 
I n m y e n e m y ' s d i r e c t i o n 

I s e v e r e d t h e h e a d 
A n d f r o m m y b e d 
I d r a g g e d t h e b o d y 

A n d l i t a f i r e 
T o c o o k t h e s n a k e 

A n d d i d m u s i c m a k e 
F e e l i n g h i g h e r 

T h a n I h a d i n y e a r s . 



The Unnatural Act 

Preamble: 
A poem about T.V. immersion in the 6o's 

tt The Unnatural Act 

N o o n e k n e w : 
It s e e m e d l i k e a B o n a n z a i f 

Y o u l o v e d L u c y l i k e J e a n i e l i k e S a m a n t h a 
W i t h E m m a a n d 86 (just t h e f l i p o f a s w i t c h ) 

A t t h e J u n c t i o n o f G r e e n A c r e s I could never resist. 

I l o v e d t h e i r p e r f e c t i o n , t h e i r u l t r a m y t h i c f e m i n i n e 
L o o k s w i t h d o e eyes a n d c h e e k b o n e s 

C h i s e l e d o u t o f g r a n i t e a n d s m i l e s 
T h a t w o u l d t a k e y o u m i l e s t o a d i s t a n t p l a n e t o f s i r e n -
What possible chance did I have, but, again, 

T o b e a m a n , a P a l a d i n , 
R e a l R i f l e m a n w a n t e d D e a d o r A l i v e , 

A C h u c k o r a Steve, C l i n t o r G a r y 
T a l l n e s s a n d s i l e n c e b r i m m i n g w i t h v i o l e n c e a n d f u r y 

T o o m u c h t o o s o o n t o d e f i n e t h e A m e r i c a n M a l e 
O n t h e b l a c k a n d w h i t e pages o f h i g h n o o n . 

O r o u t o f t h e W e s t a n d i n t o a j u n g l e 
O r L o s t i n S p a c e o r t h e c o u r t s o r t h e f u m b l e 

O f f a m i l y l i f e , j u s t L e a v e It T o B e a v e r 
C a p t a i n s K i r k a n d K a n g a r o o , C r u n c h , H o o k a n d C l e a v e r . 

W i t h r a b b i t s a n d m i c e a n d w o o d p e c k e r s t o o t h a t 
H a d g r o w n u p i n t h e B r o n x , r i g h t n e x t t o t h e z o o . . . 

H o w m u c h d i d I l a u g h ? H o w m u c h d o I h a t e 
H o w d e e p these m y t h s d i d s i n k a n d f o r m u l a t e 

M y b r a i n a n d assist i n t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f b l a c k a n d w h i t e r e d u c t i o n i s m 
T h a t d r o v e m e a n d a y o u n g n a t i o n o f o v e r s t i m u l a t e d r o m a n t i c s t o 

R e b e l at t h e a n t i c s o f a w o r l d t h a t w e r e a l l y d i d n ' t k n o w , 
T u n e o u t a n d o n w i t h t h e s h o w ! 



I Am Guitar 

G u i t a r is n o t a p a s s i n g p h a s e o r p h r a s e 
O r a n a r t / i n s t r u m e n t t h a t I d a b b l e w i t h 

It is so b e y o n d t h a t , it t r a n s c e n d s a n y t h i n g 
T h a t I c a n a d e q u a t e l y d e s c r i b e except t o say, 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y 

It r e a l l y d o e s n ' t m a t t e r i f I a m g o o d o r b a d , 
O r i f y o u l i k e it o r n o t 

A l t h o u g h b o t h n o t i o n s 
H a u n t e d m e f o r f a r t o o l o n g . 

T h e g u i t a r h a s s o o t h e d m e , c h a l l e n g e d m e , 
D e l i g h t e d m e a n d g r o u n d e d m e 

T h r o u g h o u t a l l t h e m a n y c h a l l e n g e s 
T h a t I h a v e e n d u r e d i n t h i s s o m e t i m e s 

L u m p y , s a d c l o w n 
P l a n e o f e x i s t e n c e . 

It h a s s u p p o r t e d m e t h r o u g h v a r i o u s j o b s , 
B o r i n g r o u t i n e s , m i n d - d e a d e n i n g s i t u a t i o n s , 

O v e r - w o r k , a n d n e g a t i v e p e o p l e . 

It h a s l i s t e n e d t o m e t a l k t h r o u g h 
T h e a c c e l e r a t i o n o f 

E v e r - c h a n g i n g e x p e r i e n c e s , 
R e l e n t l e s s c h a l l e n g e s , 

T h e c o m i n g a n d g o i n g o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s , 
A n d o f b a l a n c e w i t h i n m y s e l f 

S o m e h o w it h a s a l w a y s h e l p e d k e e p m e i n c h e c k , 
T h e m a g n i t u d e o f its e x p e r i e n c e , 

Its p o t e n t i a l a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l a n d e m o t i o n a l p a l e t t e h a v i n g n o w 
U n d e r p i n n e d m y w h o l e p o i n t o f v i e w , 

M y e n t i r e v a l u e s y s t e m . 

A n d so t h e l i n e s b e t w e e n " g u i t a r " a n d "I" h a v e b l u r r e d 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y , 

It w i l l n o t go away... 

If I h a d e n o u g h r i c h e s t o s t o p w o r k , 
I'd p l a y g u i t a r , m e d i t a t e , a n d b e w i t h m y f a m i l y / f r i e n d s 



T h a t is m y b o t t o m l i n e , 

B u t r i c h o r p o o r , I w i l l p l a y 
( N o w j u s t ) a l i t t l e e a c h d a y 

A n d i f t h e a r c h e t y p e o f t r a g e d y 
R o l l s o v e r m e a n d 

D e c i m a t e s a l l t h a t I h a v e w o r k e d 
S o h a r d f o r a n d 

D e s t r o y s m y f a m i l y , 
M y c o r e , 

A n d b r i n g s m e t o m y k n e e s , b l i n d a n d c r i p p l e d 
I n a p a t h e t i c h e a p o f c r u s h e d h u m a n i t y 

I w i l l c r a w l o n h a n d s a n d k n e e s 
T o f i n d m y g u i t a r t o c r y t h r o u g h 

A n d t h o u g h it w i l l n o t offer s o l u t i o n , 
It w i l l give s o m e s o l a c e a n d s e l f - r e f l e c t i o n b e c a u s e 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y 

It w i l l n o t go a w a y 
U n t i l I d o 

I A m Starting (to Lose) 

Preamble: 
I tend to go through experiences much later than most people that I know. 

For example, I didn't start teaching until I was 36 years old. I had my first child 
at the age of 45. I took my first Master's course at the age of 50. And now at the 
age of 52, well past mid-life, I seem to be having a bit of a mid-life crisis. 
Actually, it's more like a mid-life ripple, but the waters are agitated, nonetheless. 
This poem addresses the fact that something deep is changing for me. 

I A m Starting (to Lose) 

I am starting (to lose) 
M y l i f e n o w 

J u s t as t h e p i e c e s 
W e r e s t a r t i n g t o c o n n e c t . 

J u s t as t h e m o a n o f p r i m o r d i a l r e a l i z a t i o n o f b e i n g is 
R u n n i n g a l l t h e w a y u p t h r o u g h m y v e i n s , 

T h r o u g h m y h e a d , h e a r t , a n d m i n d . 

J am starting to lose 
J u s t w h y I d i d a l l t h o s e t h i n g s ; 

32 



W h y i n y o u t h I r a i l e d a n d c l a m o r e d so p a s s i o n a t e l y 
F o r f r e e d o m s t h a t w e r e a l r e a d y s a i d t o b e a n d 

W h y I c o v e t e d a n d c o n s p i r e d , a d o r n e d a n d d i s p l a y e d a n d 
D a n c e d t o a m u s i c t h a t s o m e t i m e s o n l y e x i s t e d i n m y h e a d . 

/ am starting to lose 
A l l m y h e r o e s 

A s a t i d e o f d e m o c r a t i z a t i o n r o l l s i n 
A n d l e v e l s t h e p l a y i n g f i e l d 
I n t o a l i q u i d f l o w i n g m a s s 

W a s h i n g m e c l e a n a n d 
F r e e i n g m e f r o m t h e v i c t i m i z a t i o n o f 

N e e d s t o p r o v e a n d 
N e e d s t o b e a c c e p t e d . . . 

As I experience this natural wilt 
I s t a n d n a k e d a n d n o t c a r i n g 

D i s i n t e r e s t e d a n d d i s c o n n e c t e d , yet 
P a s s i o n a t e l y i n v o l v e d . . . 

H o w c a n t h i s b e ? 
C h a n g e is i n t h e air... 

J am becoming 
T h e f o o l o n t h e h i l l 

T h e i n v i s i b l e o n e , t h e c r a z y m a n , 
T a l k i n g t o h i m s e l f 

R e v e l i n g i n h i s o w n j o k e s 
Y e t , at t h e s a m e t i m e , I a m h e a r i n g 

N e w s y m p h o n i e s o f l i v i n g 
A n d c o n c e r t o s i n t h e o n c e c a c o p h o n o u s t u m b l e 

O f c o n f u s i o n 
A n d I a m p r e p a r i n g 

T o b e myself... 

And I will savour 
E a c h m o m e n t l i k e a s u m p t u o u s m e a l s e r v e d 

T o a s t a r v i n g m a n 
A n d I w i l l b i t e l i f e t o t h e b o n e , 

T h e j u i c e r u n n i n g d o w n m y face 
A n d a l l t h e t i m e a c k n o w l e d g i n g 
T h a t I a m as b a d as I a m g o o d 

A s I a m g o o d at b e i n g b a d 
And I will shed this skin of illusion 

A n d p u n c h t h r o u g h t h i s c o c o o n 
O n l y t o f i n d m y t r u e s e l f 

S t a r i n g b a c k at m e . 



I've (Em)braced 

Preamble: 
This poem, written after my courses, and at a moment of 

honesty/epiphany, is a comprehensive reflection on all the Jam/have been and as 
such represents a poetic equivalent of an abstract of this Thesis 

I've (Em)braced 

I've ( E m ) b r a c e d 
P r a n k s t e r , C o n M a n , L i a r , L o v e r , 
H u s b a n d , F a t h e r , T f h ) i n k e r ( e r ) , 

I m p o s t e r , 
P r e p o s t e r o u s 

L y i n g i n j u d g m e n t ! 
Y e t 

S o m e t i m e s N o t o f t h i s W o r l d 
A s m y eyes r o l l b a c k w a r d a n d t h e j a w d r o p s . . . 

M y s t i c s y s t e m i c , p a t h e t i c a n d r e g r e t f u l 
K e e p e r o f c a r t o o n c o n s c i o u s n e s s , 

M y feet b l i s t e r o n t h e h y p e r - h e a t e d a s p h a l t 
O f W e s t e r n r e a l i t y , 

I n e v e r l e a r n 
S t i l l 

M y s t i f i e d b y t h e r a r i f i e d 
M i r a c l e o f h o p e ( l e s s n e s s ) 

F r i g h t e n e d c h i l d a n d o l d m a n I a m 
P e n i s c r o s s e d w i t h p e n a n c e 
S o n o f Z o r r o a n d N o s f e r a t u , 

( A n t i ) . . . C h a r l i e t , I w i s h I k n e w ! 
S a i n t o r s i n n e r , 

C e r t a i n l y 
F o o l o n t h e h i l l o f t h e A c a d e m y o f 

P o w e r , p o l i t i c s a n d l o s t s o u l s , 
L i m i n a l T r a n s g r e s s o r i n t h e a p o r i a o f 

F o u n d a n d l o s t (again) 
I see 

T h e o a s i s o r j u s t a n o t h e r m i r a g e ? . . . 

M e a n w h i l e t h e B u d d h a o f C o m p a s s i o n p o u r s 
R i v e r s o f tears t h r o u g h m e as I l o o k at p i c t u r e s o f 

M y d a u g h t e r 
b e c a u s e 

S o m e t i m e s I k n o w 
T o l o o k a b o v e m y s e l f 

34 



What do I encounter: 

The Master Frame 

Preamble: 
I find it fascinating that our childhood learning, expectations and 

value structures can either intensify or invalidate our life experience 
in later years. This notion is examined in a poem that, on the literal level, talks 

. about me building aplayhouse with my daughter, Emily. 

The Master Frame 

E m i l y , 
W h o is s i x , 

Is h a r d at w o r k 
H e l p i n g m e b u i l d 

T h e f r a m e o f h e r p l a y h o u s e 
A n d b e i n g v e r y k e e n , yet a l l t h e s a m e 

L a c k i n g r e a l e x p e r i e n c e , w e f o l l o w t h e p l a n s 
V e r y s l o w l y a n d c a r e f u l l y , c h e c k i n g t h e l a y o f t h e l a n d 

S h e passes m e t h e w o o d a n d t h e s i d i n g 
A n d w i t h t h e greatest p a i n s , h o l d s t h e b e a m s s t e a d y f o r 

T h e M a s t e r F r a m e as I m e a s u r e a n d p e n c i l a n d 
P o u n d t h e n a i l s i n t o t h e w a l l b o a r d s as w e l l as 
I n t o the s t o r y b o a r d o f h e r m y t h f o r w e t a l k 

I n c e s s a n t l y a n d w o r k c o - o p e r a t i v e l y t o r a i s e a s t r u c t u r e a n d 
A c o h e s i v e e n v i r o n m e n t n o t o n l y out o f 

W o o d a n d p a p e r a n d n a i l s b u t o f d r e a m s a n d s c h e m e s a n d 
V a l u e s t h a t o f t e n p r e v a i l i n m y o w n M a s t e r F r a m e 

F o r t h e o r i g i n a l M a s t e r F r a m e t h a t I b u i l t so l o n g ago 
H a s s e r v e d m e w e l l as a r o o m w i t h a v i e w w h e r e 

I've w i t n e s s e d b o t h n i r v a n a a n d h e l l i s h t i m e s , 
A l t h o u g h its d e s i g n h a s b e e n m o d i f i e d t o r e - a l i g n f o r 

S i t u a t i o n s t h a t c o m e a l o n g a n d b l o c k t h e s u n a n d 
B a r m e f r o m g l e a n i n g t h e m o s t o u t o f e a c h a n d e v e r y d a y 



Y o u see, 
M y o w n 

M a s t e r F r a m e 
Is s t i l l a w o r k i n p r o g r e s s 

A n e x q u i s i t e g a m e o f strategy f o r 
K e e p i n g d r y t h r o u g h a l l t y p e s o f i n c l e m e n t w e a t h e r 

A n d n o w t h e t i m e i s r i g h t t o t a k e t h e s t r o n g e s t b e a m s , 
T h o s e t h a t h a v e p r o v e n t h e m s e l v e s a g a i n a n d a g a i n , a n d s h o w t h e m 

T o E m i l y f o r c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f h e r o w n M a s t e r F r a m e 

A n d so 
T h i s n e w r i s i n g s t r u c t u r e l o o k s r i g h t f o r E m i l y 

W i t h great s t r e n g t h a n d d e s i g n so t h a t s h e c a n n o t o u t g r o w it 
B u t c a n d e c o r a t e a n d e x p o s e it t o t h e s c r u t i n y o f h e r f r i e n d s 

A n d i n t i m e she t o o w i l l r e v i e w a n d reflect a n d m o d i f y 
T h i s s t r u c t u r a T s y s t e m i n o r d e r t o k e e p dry... 

I h e a r d a b o u t a w o m a n w h o g r e w u p i n a h o u s e o f r i c h e s f r a m e d w i t h b e l i e f s 
O f s u p e r i o r i t y o n l y t o f i n d t h a t a t u r n o f events p u s h e d h e r i n t o a l i f e o f 

C o n s t a n t s t r u g g l e i n s i d e a n e w d r e a m w i t h a m a n o f m o d e s t m e a n s 
A n d t h e r e s h e r a i s e d a f a m i l y b u t w a s n e v e r a b l e t o r e t u r n 

T o h e r o r i g i n a l H o m e F r a m e w i t h its A f f l u e n c e a n d 
C o n n e c t i o n s a n d as a r e s u l t s h e d i v o r c e d h e r s e l f 

F r o m h e r v e r y o w n l i f e f o r s h e s a w h e r l i f e 
A s a f a i l u r e as she c o u l d n o t r e - c o n c e i v e 

H e r M a s t e r F r a m e t o a c c o m m o d a t e 
A d i f f e r e n t c o n t e x t a n d 

S o she i n v a l i d a t e d 
Everything... 

A n d n o w as I l o o k w i t h w o n d e r a n d a w e 
A t t h e m i r a c l e o f o u r s i x - y e a r - o l d d a u g h t e r 

I s h u t t e r at t h e t h o u g h t t h a t w e m a y b e b u i l d i n g 
A s a n c t u a r y t h a t c o u l d s o m e t i m e i n t h e f u t u r e 

T u r n i n t o a c e l l i f w e f a i l t o c o n s t r u c t a tale 
T h a t is w i d e e n o u g h t o a l l o w h e r t o g r o w 

Y e t s t r o n g e n o u g h t o p r o t e c t h e r f r o m t h e e l e m e n t s 
A s she seeks t o f i n d h e r p l a c e a n d peace i n t h i s w o r l d . 



Big People 

Preamble: 
I love the layers of meaning that are found within language. As a kid I used 

to love to listen to Mae West or later, John Lennon, as they playfully set up word 
traps constructed out the foibles of the audience's own pre-conceptions and 
experience. 

Big People 

T h e b i g p e o p l e I k n o w 
C o m e i n a l l s h a p e a n d size 
F r o m ecto t o m e z z o w i t h 

T i n y w a i s t s o r m a s s i v e t h i g h s 
R e d , w h i t e a n d b l u e , 

B l a c k , y e l l o w a n d m e l l o w 
F u l l o f f i r e a n d w i r e 

A n d o f t e n t i m e s h i g h e r t h a n y o u o r I 
W i t h b o t h feet o n t h e g r o u n d 
A s t h e y j u m p o u t o f b o u n d s . . . * • • '. 

B i g p e o p l e eat p i z z a , g u a c a m o l e a n d r i c e 
O r strict p r o t e i n d i e t s f r o m m o r n i n g t i l l n i g h t 

P r e - f a b n u t r i e n t s f r o m t r a n s - f a t d i n e r s 
O r n a t u r a l f r e s h s l i c e s o f o r g a n i c t y p e s 

B i g p e o p l e d r i n k s c o t c h , b e e r , w a t e r a n d P e p s i 
E a r l G r e y , w i t h m i l k o r glasses o f s h e r r y 

A n d a l l m a n n e r o f l i q u i d c o l d a n d h o t 
B u t s o m e t i m e s n o t 

B i g p e o p l e l i v e i n s p a c i o u s r e f i n e m e n t 
O r a p a r t m e n t l o f t s o r c l u t t e r e d h o m e s 

S o m e t i m e s a l l a l o n e i n 
B a r s a n d a b a n d o n e d c a r s w h i l e 

O t h e r s l i v e i n t h e i r h e a d s 
W i t h n o b e d o f s i g n i f i c a n c e 

A n d n o w a y t o get h o m e 

B i g p e o p l e o f t e n r u n 
T h r o u g h t h e c r a c k s f o r t h e b o r d e r s a n d 

S t a y u p a l l n i g h t t o seize t h e d a y b e c a u s e 
B i g p e o p l e h a v e great v i s i o n 

E v e n i f t h e y leave t h e i r glasses at h o m e 
F o r t h e y p e e r t h r o u g h a l e n s 

T h a t h a s b e e n g r o u n d a n d p o l i s h e d 

3 7 



B y y e a r s o f e p i s o d i c n a r r a t i v e s 
A n d r e f l e c t i v e c a l l s a n d r e s p o n s e s 

T h a t t u r n s o u t w a r d i n 
A n d i n so o u t 

B i g p e o p l e k n o w y o u a n d m e 
B e t t e r t h a n m o s t , h a v i n g c l i m b e d 

T h e m o u n t a i n s t o r e p l y t o t h e h o s t 
O f u n e n d i n g q u e s t i o n s t h a t f i l l t h e m u p 

T h e y p u s h f o r a n s w e r s a n d 
H a v i n g a n s w e r e d t h e p u s h 

T h e y l i v e i n 3 - D o p p o r t u n i t y 
T o t h e p o i n t o f f i l l i n g t h i s p o e m 

W i t h t h e p r e s e n t , f u t u r e a n d past a t o n e d 

B i g p e o p l e c a n n o t b e b o t t l e d o r 
L a b e l e d , c a t e g o r i z e d o r d e n i e d 

D i s m i s s e d , r e - m i f f e d o r q u a l i f i e d 
E x c e p t b y t h o s e w h o m i s s t h e b o a t 

A s it leaves f o r a d v e n t u r e i s l a n d s r e m o t e 

O h h o w I l o v e b i g p e o p l e ! 

HowOld? 

H e r e ' s a l i t t l e n o t i o n 
T o reflect o n o v e r y o u r 

A f t e r n o o n t e a , o n t h a t r a i n y d a y 
W h e n t h e r o a r o f t h e f i r e p l a c e a n d 

T h e d a n c e o f t h e f l a m e s p u l l s y o u i n . 

F o r as I w a l k e d m y d o g o n s u c h a d a y 
C r a z y w i t h r a i n , I c a m e a c r o s s 
A m o s t s e n i o r g e n t l e m a n w h o , 

W h e n s e e i n g m e , b r o k e i n t o a fit o f 
D e e p r e s o u n d i n g l a u g h t e r a n d s a i d , 

A s w e b o t h s h a r e d a d r o w n e d m o m e n t i n t h i s p a t h e t i c state, 
" T h i s is r i d i c u l o u s w e a t h e r ! " 

T o w h i c h 
H e l a u g h e d e v e n h a r d e r , eyes s p a r k l i n g , 
A n d as h e p a s s e d , I w o n d e r e d t o m y s e l f 

H o w o l d are y o u w h e n y o u l a u g h ? 

B u t r e a l l y , 
H o w o l d are y o u w h e n 

38 



Y o u l a u g h so d e e p l y t h a t y o u r 
W h o l e b o d y lets go 

A n d y o u r eyes d i a m o n d s h i n e 
A n d t h e l i n e s o f y o u r face t u r n u p w a r d 

A n d h o w o l d are y o u 
W h e n y o u n i b b l e t h a t c h o c o l a t e a n d s i p t h e w i n e 

A n d y o u f i n a l l y g r o k w h a t 
T h e m u s i c h a s b e e n s a y i n g a l l a l o n g 

A s it w a s h e s y o u c l e a n 
W i t h t i d a l f o r c e w a v e s o f 
E m o t i o n s a n d e p i p h a n y . 

H o w o l d are y o u 
W h e n y o u l o s e a l l t i m e at 
T h e s u n s e t o n t h e b e a c h 

W i t h t h e b u r s t i n g s i l e n c e b e i n g 
S p i l l e d b y t h e l a p o f t h e w a t e r s 

O n t h e l o g s ? 

H o w o l d are y o u w h e n y o u f i n a l l y c o m e 
A n d t e l l y o u r l o v e r t h e t r u t h 

W h a t e v e r it is t o y o u 
O r w h e n y o u r u n u n t i l 

Y o u ' r e u n d o n e a n d y o u 
B r e a k t h r o u g h y o u r b a r r i e r s t o ecstasy? 

W e u n l o c k t h e f o u n t a i n o f y o u t h 
T h r o u g h o u r c h o i c e o f f r a m e s t o v i e w 

A l l m a n n e r o f l i v i n g , b o t h past a n d n e w . 

The Goddess of Innovation 

Preamble: 
Oh, if only Pcould make my muse visit more often. What fun I could have! 

The Goddess of Innovation 
I a m m a k i n g a n i n v i t a t i o n t o 
T h e g o d d e s s o f i n n o v a t i o n t o 

Stop by for tea 
A l i t t l e m o r e o f t e n 

39 



O f c o u r s e she is v e r y b u s y 
W i t h h e r o w n v a r i o u s a c t i v i t i e s 

A n d I k n o w s o m e h o w b y s a y i n g 
I'm n e e d y , I'm b e i n g a l i t t l e g r e e d y 

F o r t h e m i r a c u l o u s i n s p i r a t i o n 
S h e is o f f e r i n g 

A n d i f she does a r r i v e 
It's u s u a l l y a s u r p r i s e a n d 

I d o n ' t a l w a y s sense h e r p r e s e n c e 
J u s t t h a t c o l o r s s e e m b r i g h t 
A n d t h e f l o w is t o t a l l y r i g h t 

A n d n e w i d e a s p o p f o r t h f r o m m y essence 

A n d as w e d r i n k o u r t e a 
A l l m a n n e r o f a r t i s t r y 

Is i n t u r n affected. 
W h y w e m u s e a b o u t art, 

W r i t i n g , m u s i c a n d d a n c e 
A n d l i f e i t s e l f as a c a n v a s 
W a i t i n g t o b e p e r f e c t e d 

A n d as I r e l a x , I k n o w she is r i g h t 
I j u s t get i n m y o w n w a y 

F o r t h e t r i c k is t o o p e n t h e d o o r 
A n d a l l o w h e r t o e x p l o r e w i t h o u t 
B l o c k i n g o r c o n t r o l l i n g h e r stay 

A n d that's e a s i e r s a i d t h a n d o n e 
F o r t h e m i n d ' s r a s c a l m o n k e y f o r o n e 
Is a l w a y s t a l k i n g a n d t a k i n g c o n t r o l 

B u t t h e g o d d e s s n e e d s p l e n t y o f r o o m 
T o create s u c h a t u n e 

T h a t ' s o r i g i n a l a n d f u l l o f s o u l 

A n d t h e m o n k e y w i l l p r e t e n d t o 
B e asleep i n o r d e r t o s n e a k a p e e k 

A t t h e a w e - i n s p i r i n g b e a u t y o f t h e g o d d e s s 
B u t she c a n sense h i m t h r o u g h h i s p r o c e s s 

A n d she w i l l fade a w a y g l o w i n g 
F o r t r y i n g t o c o n t a i n h e r i n l o g i c ' s b o u n d s 

Is as h o p e l e s s as p u l l i n g vegetables o u t o f t h e g r o u n d 
T o see h o w w e l l t h e y ' r e g r o w i n g 

B u t I a m a l w a y s t h a n k f u l f o r 
A n y v i s i t a t i o n , n o m a t t e r h o w s h o r t 



A n d every d a y I d o r a i n d a n c e s 
A s a n i n v o c a t i o n t o a b o r t 

A n y d r o u g h t t h a t m a y o c c u r 
F r o m b e i n g f a r t o o b u s y 
T o r e a l i z e a l l t h e e n e r g y 

A n d b o u n d l e s s f e r t i l e c r e a t i v i t y t h a t 
C o m e s f r o m a q u i e t t e a 

W i t h t h e g o d d e s s 

T h e H u s t l e r (a.k.a.), And What Would You Do? 

Preamble: 
This light-hearted narrative deals with the serious issues of teaching ethics 

and power structures within an educational organization 

" C o m e i n , M i c h a e l . " 

A s I e n t e r e d , I w a s s u r p r i s e d t o f i n d B i l l s t a n d i n g u p - a w a y f r o m h i s d e s k . M y 

h e a r t b e a t d o u b l e d . I a l w a y s f o u n d it h a r d e r t o t a l k t o m y p r i n c i p a l w h e n h e w a s 

s t a n d i n g , f o r h i s e n o r m o u s l y t a l l f r a m e a n d sheer p h y s i c a l i t y a l w a y s i n f o r m e d t h e 

o u t c o m e o f o u r c o n v e r s a t i o n s . I n d e e d , I o f t e n felt p a t r o n i z e d i n t h e s i l e n c e b e f o r e 

t h e w o r d s , l i k e a l i t t l e b o y a s k i n g h i s d a d d y f o r a f a v o r . B u t h e r e w a s a m a n w h o 

w i l l f u l l y p l a y e d h i s p h y s i c a l c u r r e n c y t o t h e e x t a n t t h a t I w o u l d b u y i n . S o I b r a c e d 

m y s e l f a n d l o o k e d i n t o t h e h i g h n o o n eyes o f t h i s s u r l y J o h n W a y n e . 

A n d as I l o o k e d , I r e f l e c t e d o n t h e fact t h a t B i l l , a l t h o u g h h e w a s w e l l i n t o h i s 

fifty's, w a s s t i l l a k e e n r u g b y p l a y e r , b a r f l y , c h a u v i n i s t , a n d s t i c k m a n w h o s e w o u l d -

b e r o l e as a c o w b o y o f t h e n e w f r o n t i e r s p i l l e d o v e r l i k e a glass o f h o m e - b r e w e d 

w h i s k e y i n t o h i s p r o f e s s i o n a l l i f e . A n d o f t h a t l i f e , B i l l h a d m o v e d q u i c k l y f r o m 

b e i n g a P . E . t e a c h e r t o a n a d m i n i s t r a t o r a n d , u l t i m a t e l y t o a n a s s i s t a n t 

s u p e r i n t e n d e n t . B u t d u e t o t h e r e c e n t a n d severe c u t b a c k s i n t h e d i s t r i c t , h e w a s 

b u m p e d as h i s j o b w a s c o l l a p s e d . A n d s o , l i k e a s l e e p i n g g r i z z l y t h a t h a d b e e n 

41 



disturbed, Bill grumpily accepted the demotion of a principalship at our school. It 

was either that or face the cold winter of a job search. 

Today, as I entered his office/den, I was in crisis. Roger, the head of the P.E. 

department was emboldened by Bill's appointment to our school and thrust a new 

offensive against me in our long war about evening gym privileges. Earlier that 

morning, in a small committee meeting that was dealing with the timetable, he 

hissed that basketball games and practices had been booked for all of December 

and that there would be no room on any evening for a Christmas concert. I was too 

shocked to say "But it's only September-can't you alter the schedule and give me 

one night?" In reality, the power and finality of Roger's tone and trump collapsed 

any chance of negotiation. I turned to John, our Vice Principal and whispered, 

"This is crazy. We have to have a Christmas concert!" Ron acquiesced silently with 

his "I'm not getting involved" look and shrugged his shoulders. 

Now, with my visit to Bill, I was escalating the issue. As I walked up to his 

door, I mentally reviewed the points I wanted to make to Bill. I started with a story 

about the long tradition of Christmas concerts at our school. But before I had 

completed the first sentence, Bill waved a big paw to cut me off and another to shoo 

me out, angrily barking that he was going to have to make a decision and that was 

that! 

That was that? Obviously, John had mentioned the issue to him-which was 

fine as far as I was concerned. But I wanted a chance to be heard. I Wanted to pitch 

the importance of the concert. Did he, as principal, not have to at least give me a 

little say in this matter? 

42 



I w a s o n p i n s a n d n e e d l e s f o r t w o d a y s . T h e n , t h e d e c i s i o n c a m e d o w n . I 

w o u l d get m y c o n c e r t o n its a n n u a l d a t e . O d d l y , I w a s t o l d o f t h i s n o t b y t h e 

a d m i n i s t r a t i o n t e a m , b u t b y a n u t r a s w e e t R o g e r , w h o c l o s e d b y q u i p p i n g , " N o h a r d 

f e e l i n g s , e h ? " E v e n t h o u g h I h a d " w o n " t h i s b a t t l e , I felt d r a i n e d a n d a n g r y . W h a t 

c o u l d I d o t o r e m e d y t h i s s i t u a t i o n ? 

A n d t h e n it d a w n e d o n m e . It w a s b r i l l i a n t i n i t s s i m p l i c i t y a n d it gave m e a 

n e w energy. D a w n i n g m y v i r t u a l b o o t s a n d s p u r s , I " r o d e " i n t o B i l l ' s office w i t h a n 

A c h i l l e s ' h u n c h a n d a d o u b l e - b a r r e l e d a t t i t u d e E a s t w o o d f o r I k n e w t h a t B i l l w a s a 

b i g f a n o f c o u n t r y a n d w e s t e r n m u s i c . 

" B i l l , I k n o w t h i s m a y s e e m w i l d , b u t I n o t i c e d h o w r i c h y o u r v o i c e i s . W h a t 

d o t h i n k a b o u t y o u a n d m e p e r f o r m i n g a s o n g t o g e t h e r ? I t h i n k it w o u l d b e so great 

t o h a v e y o u s i n g a s o n g i n t h e C h r i s t m a s c o n c e r t . W e c o u l d d o a c o u n t r y s o n g . I n 

fact, I c o u l d p r o b a b l y p u t a w h o l e b a n d t o g e t h e r t o b a c k y o u u p . T h i n k a b o u t h o w 

p o s i t i v e l y t h e k i d s w o u l d react at s e e i n g t h e i r p r i n c i p a l s i n g i n g w i t h a b a n d ? " 

" W e l l , M i c h a e l , I've a l w a y s l o v e d J o h n n y C a s h , " h e e x p l a i n e d . I h a d h i m . 

" B i l l , t h a t ' s a great i d e a ! W i l l i a m , i n t h e s c i e n c e d e p a r t m e n t is a g o o d d r u m m e r a n d 

J o h n w a n t s t o p l a y b a s s . I'll p u l l i n m y b r o t h e r so that w e c a n h a v e b l a z i n g 

t e l e c a s t e r s , a n d , o h y e s , C h a r l i e i n d r a m a c a n p l a y s o m e great h o n k y - t o n k p i a n o . 

F e v e r i s h l y , I w o r k e d t o a s s e m b l e t h e m e m b e r s o f t h e b a n d . W e h a d a 

r e h e a r s a l o r t w o t o l o c k i n t o " F o l s o m P r i s o n B l u e s " a n d t h e n i n v i t e d B i l l t o a t t e n d . 

F o r t u n a t e l y , B i l l s a n g i n t u n e (sort of) a n d , m o r e i m p o r t a n t l y s a n g i n t i m e . I h a d 

f o o l i s h l y a s s u m e d t h a t h e c o u l d cut t h e g i g . I m a d e a m e n t a l n o t e t o t r i c k f u t u r e 

a d m i n i s t r a t o r - s i n g e r s i n t o a n i n f o r m a l a s s e s s m e n t b e f o r e c o m m i t t i n g t o a p r o j e c t 

a n d I t h a n k e d t h e g o d s f o r t h i s c u r r e n t r o u n d o f grace. 

43 



O n t h e n i g h t o f t h e C h r i s t m a s c o n c e r t , B i l l w a s e x t r e m e l y n e r v o u s . I s e n s e d 

t h a t h e w o u l d b a c k out. 

" B i l l , w h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e o u t f i r s t as S a n t a , a n d t h r o w o u t s o m e c a n d y w h i l e 

t h e b a c k - u p b a n d p l a y s s o m e t h i n g f u n . T h e n , after a f e w " H o - H o ' s " y o u c a n c o m e 

u p t o t h e m i c a n d s i n g y o u r s o n g . T h e k i d s w i l l l o v e it. A f t e r t h e c o n c e r t I Can l e a k 

o u t t h a t S a n t a w a s p l a y e d b y y o u ! " 

( D e s p e r a t e l y , I w a s t r y i n g t o f i g u r e o u t a w a y t o i n c r e a s e B i l l ' s c o m f o r t as I 

k n e w t h a t t h e S a n t a s u i t a n d b e a r d w o u l d p u l l d o w n t h e i n t e n s i t y o f t h e 

p e r f o r m a n c e ) . B i l l felt b e t t e r . 

B i l l ' s m o m e n t c a m e at t h e h a l f w a y m a r k o f t h e s e c o n d set. T h e t e a c h e r b a n d 

f i r e d u p a n i n s t r u m e n t a l v e r s i o n o f " F o l s o m , " c o m p l e t e w i t h s c o r c h i n g s o l o s . S a n t a 

B i l l b u r s t i n t h r o u g h a c u r t a i n l i k e a B r a h m a b u l l at a r o d e o . H e r a n i n t o t h e 

b l e a c h e r s a n d t o s s e d h i s c a n d y c a n e s t o t h e s c r e a m i n g k i d s a n d c a m e c r a s h i n g b a c k 

t o s i n g h i s s o n g . 

T h e n , it h a p p e n e d s o m e w h e r e i n t h e s e c o n d v e r s e . B i l l l o s t h i m s e l f t o t h e 

f u n o f p e r f o r m a n c e . H e s t a r t e d d i g g i n g i n - b l o s s o m i n g r i g h t b e f o r e o u r eyes. T h e 

c r o w d , w h o h a d p r e t t y w e l l f i g u r e d o u t w h o S a n t a w a s , w e n t w i l d w i t h a p p r o v a l . 

B i l l , r e v e l i n g i n t h i s n e w f o u n d p o w e r , b e g a n t o i m p r o v i s e a n d t o l d m e t o t a k e 

a n o t h e r s o l o . W e r o c k e d t h e h o u s e d o w n a n d t h e n h e " r o d e " o u t o f t o w n . 

B i l l h a d a n e p i p h a n y t h a t n i g h t . I n d e e d , t h r o u g h a c r a z y t u r n o f e v e n t s , t h i s 

o l d d o g h a d l e a r n e d a n e w t r i c k - t h e p o w e r a n d j o y o f p e r f o r m i n g . T h e b a n d w a s 

a l s o h a p p y w i t h t h e success o f t h e s h o w . C o n s e q u e n t l y , w e k e p t t h e b a n d t o g e t h e r 

a n d m a d e c a m e o s at m a n y o t h e r c o n c e r t s . W e e v e n w r o t e B i l l a c a m e o i n o u r 

m u s i c a l . T h e k i d s at s c h o o l l o v e d it, b u t m o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , B i l l a b s o l u t e l y l o v e d 

44 



p e r f o r m i n g a n d q u i c k l y r e a l i z e d great v a l u e i n t h e a r t s . I t h i n k t h a t it u l t i m a t e l y 

o v e r t o o k h i s l o n g - t i m e l o v e o f s p o r t s . 

M y f r i e n d , M i c h e l l e , w a s a d i s t r i c t l e v e l a d m i n i s t r a t o r at t h e t i m e . M i c h e l l e 

is a w o n d e r f u l s i n g e r a n d k e y b o a r d i s t a n d h a s a soft s p o t f o r t h e p l i g h t o f m u s i c 

t e a c h e r s a n d f r a g i l e m u s i c p r o g r a m s . B u t she w a s a p p a l l e d at m y a c t i o n s . 

"It w a s e t h i c a l l y w r o n g t o m a n i p u l a t e B i l l a n d t h e s c h o o l l i k e t h a t , " s h e 

c o m p l a i n e d . I felt u n e a s y at t h e s u g g e s t i o n o f c o m p r o m i s e d i n t e g r i t y . I e x p l a i n e d t o 

h e r t h a t t h e s c h o o l d i s t r i c t ' s ( g o v e r n m e n t i n d u c e d ) f i n a n c i a l h a r d s h i p s p o l i t i c i z e d 

a l l a c t i o n s . C o n t i n u i n g t h r e a t s t o m y p r o g r a m h a d f o r c e d m e t o c o n s i d e r t h e s e 

m a n i p u l a t i v e a c t i o n s . 

B u t I felt u n e a s y at t h e s u g g e s t i o n o f c o m p r o m i s e d i n t e g r i t y . I d i d n ' t l i k e 

d o i n g t h e m b u t felt t h a t I h a d l i t t l e c h o i c e . I n d e e d , I d i d t h e m t o p r e s e r v e m y 

p r o g r a m , f o r I b e l i e v e d t h e n a n d n o w t h a t t h e s t u d y o f m u s i c is o f great v a l u e t o s o 

m a n y c h i l d r e n a n d o n e n i g h t ' s u s e o f t h e g y m w a s r e a s o n a b l e r e q u e s t . 

W a s I w r o n g i n m y a c t i o n s ? I k n o w t h a t B i l l c o n t i n u e d t o s i n g , a f t e r h e 

r e t i r e d , a n d h e a l s o t o o k l e s s o n s t o l e a r n t h e h a r m o n i c a . P e r h a p s , i n t h e e n d , B i l l 

w a s j u s t a n o t h e r s t u d e n t o f m i n e w h o g r e w , a l o n g w i t h m y s t u d e n t s , t h r o u g h t h e 

p o w e r o f p e r f o r m i n g . C e r t a i n l y , h e l e a r n e d w h a t I w a n t a l l m y s t u d e n t s t o l e a r n , 

w h i c h is a l i f e l o n g l o v e a n d a p p r e c i a t i o n o f m u s i c . 

I n t h e e n d , I'm n o t s u r e i f t h e p r e s s u r e o f s u r v i v a l j u s t i f i e d m y r e s p o n s e . I 

u s e d t h e s a m e t a c t i c f o r o t h e r p r i n c i p a l s after B i l l , t h o u g h I a m n o t p r e s e n t l y d o i n g 

t h i s . T h i s i s s u e m a k e s m e reflect o n t h e w o r d s o f t h e A m e r i c a n " p h i l o s o p h e r , " 

T h e o d o r G e i s e l , w h o a l s o e x a m i n e d t h e i s s u e s df a u t h o r i t y a n d i n t e g r i t y : 

45 



T h e n o u r m o t h e r c a m e i n 
A n d s h e s a i d t o u s t w o , 

" D i d y o u h a v e a n y f u n ? 
T e l l m e . W h a t d i d y o u d o ? " 

A n d S a l l y a n d I d i d n o t k n o w 
W h a t t o say. 

S h o u l d w e t e l l h e r 
T h e t h i n g s t h a t w e n t o n t h e r e t h a t d a y ? 

S h o u l d w e t e l l h e r a b o u t i t ? 
N o w , w h a t S H O U L D w e d o ? 

W e l l . . . 
W h a t w o u l d Y O U d o 

If y o u r m o t h e r a s k e d y o u ? 

( S e u s s , 1 9 5 7 , p. 6 0 ) 

The Hi-fi 

M y f i r s t e x p o s u r e t o m u s i c h a p p e n e d w h e n I w a s f o u r y e a r s o l d . M y f a m i l y 

h a d j u s t m o v e d t o M o n t r e a l after m a n y y e a r s o n t h e p r a i r i e s . M y D a d w o r k e d f o r 

t h e F i r e s t o n e R u b b e r & T i r e C o m p a n y . I n t h o s e d a y s , F i r e s t o n e t i r e s t o r e s h a d a 

r e t a i l a n n e x t h a t d a b b l e d w i t h m a n y v a r i o u s h o u s e h o l d p r o d u c t s - a c o n c e p t t h a t 

h a s b e e n e x p a n d e d a n d s u c c e s s f u l l y u t i l i z e d i n C a n a d a b y t h e C a n a d i a n T i r e 

C o r p o r a t i o n . O n e c o u l d f i n d b i g i t e m s , l i k e f r e e z e r s , w a s h e r s a n d d r y e r s as w e l l as 

s m a l l h o u s e w a r e i t e m s l i k e t o a s t e r s a n d e n t e r t a i n m e n t p r o d u c t s l i k e r a d i o s a n d 

r e c o r d p l a y e r s . T h e r e w a s e v e n a s m a l l t o y s e c t i o n . 

M y D a d , as m a n a g e r o f t h i s s t o r e , w a s a b l e t o b u y i t e m s at a s p e c i a l e m p l o y e e 

d i s c o u n t rate. O n e d a y , h e a r r i v e d h o m e w i t h s o m e h e l p t o l o a d i n a n e n o r m o u s 

crate. W h a t c o u l d i t b e ? W e a l r e a d y h a d a T V . A s it t u r n s o u t , h e h a d p u r c h a s e d 

w h a t I r e c a l l as t h e m o s t a d v a n c e d r e c o r d p l a y e r m o n e y c o u l d b u y . 

46 



It w a s a h u g e , c o m m a n d i n g p i e c e o f f u r n i t u r e a n d a t h i n g o f e n o r m o u s b e a u t y . 

T h e m a s s i v e r e c t a n g u l a r c a b i n e t w a s m a d e o f a s t u n n i n g l i g h t e x o t i c w o o d t h a t h a d 

b e e n s a n d e d , v a r n i s h e d a n d p o l i s h e d t o a c c e n t u a t e t h e m u l t i - c o l o r e d g r a i n . M y 

f o u r - y e a r - o l d b r a i n w o u l d s i n k d e e p i n t o t h e t h r e e - d i m e n s i o n a l h i l l s a n d v a l l e y s o f 

t h i s w o o d . 

T h e e n t i r e f r o n t o f t h e c a b i n e t w a s s t r e w n w i t h a w o n d r o u s m u l t i - c o l o r e d 

s p e a k e r g r i l l c l o t h t h a t h a d g o l d e n t h r e a d s t h a t t i e d t o g e t h e r w i t h t h e g r a i n 

p a t t e r n s . I n t h e l a t e a f t e r n o o n , w h e n t h e s u n w a s j u s t b e g i n n i n g t o p o u r i n t o o u r 

l i v i n g r o o m w i n d o w , I w o u l d b e a b l e t o " l o o k t h r o u g h " t h i s g r i l l c l o t h at a c i r c l e a n d 

a r e c t a n g l e t h a t w e r e n o r m a l l y h i d d e n b y t h e c o l o u r s i n t h e c l o t h . T h e c i r c l e w a s 

w h e r e t h e e n o r m o u s s p e a k e r w a s a t t a c h e d . T h e r e c t a n g l e b e s i d e it w a s a l a r g e p o r t 

t o a l l o w b a s s f r e q u e n c i e s t o e m i t - c l e a r l y a r e v o l u t i o n a r y i d e a f o r 1 9 5 7 . . 

T h e t o p o f t h e r e c o r d p l a y e r o p e n e d u p t o r e v e a l its secrets. I h a d t o s t a n d o n 

m y t i p t o e s t o l o o k i n s i d e . T o t h e left w a s t h e a c t u a l t u r n t a b l e . B e i n g s u c h a n 

a d v a n c e d m o d e l , it h a d f o u r s p e e d s e t t i n g s . A l o n g w i t h t h e p o p u l a r 33 - r p m f o r 

l o n g - p l a y i n g r e c o r d s a n d 4 5 - r p m f o r s i n g l e s , it w o u l d a l s o p l a y at 7 8 - r p m f o r o l d e r 

d i s c s . A n d , it e v e n h a d a 1 6 - r p m s e t t i n g . I n e v e r s a w a r e c o r d f o r t h a t s p e e d . I o f t e n 

w o n d e r e d i f it w a s j u s t t h e r e f o r t h e f u t u r e w h e n d i s c s m i g h t d o u b l e t h e i r l o n g - p l a y 

a b i l i t y . 

M y f a t h e r e x p l a i n e d t h a t t h e h o o k e d d e v i c e t h a t h o v e r e d above t h e p l a t t e r 

w a s a f e a t u r e t h a t a l l o w e d the l i s t e n e r t o s t a c k m a n y r e c o r d s so t h a t t h e t u r n t a b l e 

c o u l d a u t o m a t i c a l l y " d r o p " a n d p l a y a n e w d i s c w h e n t h e f o r m e r d i s c f i n i s h e d . 

M i r a c l e o f m i r a c l e s , o u r n e w r e c o r d p l a y e r e n t e r t a i n e d u s f o r h o u r s at a t i m e . 

47 



O n t h e r i g h t h a n d s i d e w a s t h e c o n t r o l p a n e l f o r t h e a m p l i f i e r . A d e c a l o n t h e 

i n s i d e r e a d " H i - f i " w h i c h m y f a t h e r e x p l a i n e d m e a n t " h i g h f i d e l i t y s o u n d . I w o u l d 

p u t m y h a n d s o n t h i s a r e a t o feel t h e w a r m t h f r o m t h e v a c u u m t u b e s t h a t a m p l i f i e d 

a n d s h a p e d t h e t o n e . 

N o w , as a n a s i d e , I m u s t t e l l y o u t h a t m y m o t h e r c o m e s f r o m t h e v i l l a g e o f 

M o o r s i d e , j u s t o u t s i d e o f O l d h a m , w h i c h i s , i n t u r n , j u s t a f e w m i l e s f r o m 

M a n c h e s t e r E n g l a n d . H e r tastes a n d h e r life c o n t i n u e t o b e o n e o f p o l i t e 

c o n s e r v a t i s m a n d c a r i n g w i t h h e r m o t t o b e i n g " e v e r y t h i n g i n m o d e r a t i o n . " 

M y f a t h e r , h o w e v e r , i s H u n g a r i a n . H i s f a m i l y i m m i g r a t e d t o t h e C a n a d i a n 

p r a i r i e s i n t h e late 1920's after h i s f a t h e r d e c i d e d t h a t t h e p o l i t i c s o f t h e i r 

h o m e l a n d w a s c h a n g i n g . R e g i n a p r o v i d e d a s c r u f f y , t o u g h existence i n t h e 1930's, 

w h a t w i t h t h e g h e t t o i z e d l i v i n g o f s c o r e s o f e a s t e r n E u r o p e a n f a m i l i e s s t r u g g l i n g t o 

s u r v i v e t h e c r a s h o f t h e e c o n o m y as w e l l as t h e b l i s t e r i n g h o t , d r o u g h t r i d d e n 

s u m m e r s a n d d e e p - f r e e z e w i n t e r s . 

U n c l e F r a n k t a u g h t m y d a d t h e r u d i m e n t s a n d r e p e r t o i r e o f v i o l i n p l a y i n g . 

T h e y o u n g b o y w a s a l s o e n r o l l e d i n a m a n d o l i n o r c h e s t r a , w h e r e , f o r 50 cents a 

m o n t h , y o u w e r e l o a n e d a m a n d o l i n a n d r e c e i v e d a w e e k l y l e s s o n a l o n g w i t h 

r e h e a r s a l s o f t h e l a r g e e n s e m b l e . A l l t h r o u g h h i g h s c h o o l , m y D a d a n d h i s b a n d 

p l a y e d m a n y styles o f p o p u l a r a n d e t h n i c m u s i c f o r a l l t y p e s o f c o m m u n i t y 

c e l e b r a t i o n s , w e d d i n g s , a n d d a n c e s . C a n a d a ' s e n t r y i n t o W o r l d W a r II, h o w e v e r , 

t o o k h i m f a r a w a y f r o m h i s v i o l i n . A f t h e w a r ' s e n d h e r e t u r n e d a c h a n g e d m a n w h o 

h a d m a r r i e d a n d b r o u g h t h i s E n g l i s h b r i d e b a c k t o C a n a d a . A f t e r h i s r e t u r n , h e d i d 

n o t p i c k u p t h e v i o l i n f o r f o r t y y e a r s . 

48 



N o w , w i t h t h e p u r c h a s e o f t h e H i - f i , m y D a d h a d a n o p p o r t u n i t y t o r e - v i s i t t o 

m u s i c o f h i s y o u t h . O n m a n y a n e v e n i n g , w h e n h e a r r i v e d h o m e f r o m w o r k , m y 

D a d w o u l d l o a d u p o u r m a g n i f i c e n t n e w r e c o r d p l a y e r w i t h w o n d e r f u l r e c o r d i n g s o f 

t h e m u s i c o f E a s t e r n E u r o p e . A s w e l l as p l a y i n g t h e w i l d g y p s y m u s i c o f H u n g a r y , 

h e w o u l d p l a y R u s s i a n gypsy, R o m a n i a n g y p s y a n d J e w i s h f o l k m u s i c . 

I w i l l n e v e r forget t h e h u g e , i n c r e d i b l e s o u n d t h a t o u r n e w H i - f i c o u l d 

generate. It w a s s i m p l y o v e r w h e l m i n g . N o t h i n g h a d e v e r s o u n d e d so g o o d , so l o u d 

a n d s o t h u n d e r o u s . Its t o n a l p o s s i b i l i t i e s s e e m e d e n d l e s s . D a d w o u l d s i m p l y c r a n k 

u p t h e b a s s a n d it w a s as i f t h e b a s s p l a y e r h i m s e l f h a d j u s t e n t e r e d t h e r o o m ! 

It w a s t h i s h u g e s o u n d , c o m b i n e d w i t h D a d ' s c h o i c e o f p l a y i n g g y p s y m u s i c , 

t h a t m a d e m e l o s e t o t a l c o n t r o l . T h e p a s s i o n a t e v i o l i n p l a y i n g f l o o d e d t h e r o o m 

w i t h h e a v y e m o t i o n . It s e e m e d t h a t e v e r y s o n g s t a r t e d w i t h a s l o w , h e a r t -

w r e n c h i n g o p e n i n g . T h i s w a s f o l l o w e d b y a g e n t l e a c c o m p a n i m e n t o f m o d e r a t e 

t e m p o . T h e n , t h e b a n d w o u l d s u d d e n l y start t o a c c e l e r a t e , p l a y i n g faster a n d f a s t e r 

u n t i l t h e m e l o d y a n d t h e b a n d w o u l d p e a k at t h e c l i m a x a n d c r a s h t o a m o s t 

s t i r r i n g a n d e x u b e r a n t e n d i n g . S o r r o w , r e v o l u t i o n , a n d t r i u m p h a n t r e s o l u t i o n — t h e 

h e r o i c E u r o p e a n w a y ! 

M y e m o t i o n s a n d b o d y w e r e k i d n a p p e d a n d f o r c e d t o r i d e t h i s s o n i c r o l l e r 

coaster. It w a s as i f t h e m u s i c c o u l d s o m e h o w c h a r g e u p m y w h o l e s y s t e m . P e r h a p s 

w e c o u l d b l a m e it o n m y g e n e t i c s , b u t , f o r w h a t e v e r r e a s o n , t h i s m u s i c f o u n d its 

w a y t o t h e v e r y core o f m y b e i n g . It j u s t a b o u t d r o v e m e c r a z y . I w o u l d s l o w l y s w a y 

t o t h e m o u r n f u l o p e n i n g t h e m e , (there is a l w a y s s o r r o w i n a n y g y p s y p i e c e o f 

m e r i t ) , a n d t h e n , u n c o n t r o l l a b l y , I w o u l d h a v e t o d a n c e as t h e t e m p o a c c e l e r a t e d . I 

w a s t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o a m a r i o n e t t e a n d t h e m u s i c w a s t h e m a s t e r p u p p e t e e r . A s t h e 

4 9 



b a n d w o u l d r o c k e t t o a " P r e s t o " t e m p o I w o u l d b e f o r c e d t o r u n , n o n - s t o p , i n 

c i r c l e s t h r o u g h t h e r o o m s o f t h e h o u s e . T h i s c r a z y p u p p e t d a n c e w o u l d c o n t i n u e 

u n t i l t h e t r i u m p h a n t f i n i s h h a d m e c o l l a p s i n g i n t o a c h a i r , b r e a t h l e s s a n d s w e a t i n g 

p r o f u s e l y . 

T h i s e x p l o s i v e release o f k i n e t i c p a s s i o n w a s c o n s i s t e n t l y d r a w n f r o m m e b y 

t h e H i - f i w i t h its gypsy m u s i c . O t h e r t y p e s o f m u s i c n e v e r t o o k a h o l d o f m e i n t h e 

s a m e w a y , u n t i l t h e B e a t l e s b r o k e , m a n y y e a r s l a t e r . 

T h e H i - f i s t a y e d w i t h t h e f a m i l y f o r 30 y e a r s , f a i t h f u l l y s p i n n i n g its m u s i c a l 

s p e l l s u n t i l m y a g i n g p a r e n t s d o w n s i z e d t o a n a p a r t m e n t . A l t h o u g h it h a d l o n g 

b e c o m e o b s o l e t e w i t h t h e i n t r o d u c t i o n a n d r e f i n e m e n t o f stereo s o u n d , n e i t h e r m y 

b r o t h e r , n o r m y s e l f w a n t e d t o let go o f t h e m a g i c m a c h i n e . W h e n it w a s t i m e t o 

j u n k t h e m a c h i n e , I r e m o v e d t h e t o p f r o m its h i n g e s a n d u s e d it t o b u i l d a b a f f l e f o r 

m y a m p l i f i e r . I n t h i s w a y I l i k e t o t h i n k t h a t I h a v e a l i t t l e b i t o f t h e m a g i c w i t h m e . 

C u r i o u s l y , m y p a r e n t s n e v e r , ever b r e a t h e d a w o r d t o m e a b o u t t h i s 

e x o r c i s m o f f e e l i n g s a n d a d r e n a l , w h i c h c o n t i n u e d , u n a b a t e d f o r y e a r s . I, i n t u r n , 

n e v e r t o l d t h e m o f h o w i n v o l u n t a r y t h e p r o c e s s w a s . I o f t e n w o n d e r i f m y b e c o m i n g 

a p r o f e s s i o n a l m u s i c i a n a n d a m u s i c t e a c h e r m a y b e i n p a r t d u e t o t h e s t r o n g s o n i c 

v o o d o o t h a t t h e H i - f i cast W i t h e v e r y n u a n c e o f t h e g y p s y ' s b o w . 

Lessons from the Piano 

It h a s b e e n six w e e k s n o w , s i n c e E m i l y s t a r t e d G r a d e 1 a n d g r o u p p i a n o 

l e s s o n s . R o s e m a r y , m y w i f e , u s u a l l y m e e t s E m i l y after s c h o o l . W h a t w i t h f u l l t i m e 

t e a c h i n g a n d m y c o u r s e at U B C , I c a n o n l y p i c k - u p m y d a u g h t e r o n W e d n e s d a y s . 

O n t h e s e n i g h t s , h e r m o m u s u a l l y stays late at w o r k a n d t h e n a t t e n d s a w o r k o u t o r 

50 



d a n c e c l a s s , so it h a s c o m e to p a s s t h a t W e d n e s d a y s p r o v i d e a s p e c i a l t i m e t o g e t h e r 

f o r E m i l y a n d I. 

E m i l y h a s s p e l l i n g a n d p i a n o h o m e w o r k a l m o s t e v e r y n i g h t . I n o r d e r t o 

p r o v i d e a b r e a k i n t h e r o u t i n e a n d t o h a v e m o r e f u n i n t h e l e a r n i n g , I ask E m i l y 

t e a c h m e w h a t she h a s l e a r n e d o n t h e p i a n o . T h i s t w i s t p r o v i d e s E m i l y a n 

o p p o r t u n i t y t o v e r b a l i z e h e r l e a r n i n g a n d c r i t i c a l l y o b s e r v e m y r e a c t i o n a n d 

u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f it. It a l s o a l l o w s h e r a c h a n c e t o e x p e r i e n c e t h e p o w e r o f t e l l i n g 

s o m e o n e w h a t t o d o , t h e r e b y b r e a k i n g t h e m o n o t o n y o f f o l l o w i n g r u l e s - s o m e t h i n g 

t h a t m y 6 y e a r o l d h a s t o d o m o s t o f t h e d a y . 

S o f a r , I've b e e n a b l e t o k e e p u p w i t h t h e c u r r i c u l u m p r o v i d e d t h r o u g h t h e 

l e s s o n s . E m i l y h a s p r o v e d t o b e a g o o d t e a c h e r , w i t h a k e e n eye f o r t e c h n i q u e . 

" K e e p a l l y o u r l i n g e r s o n t h e k e y s — e v e n y o u r t h u m b ! " S h e catches m e w h e n I 

s l a c k . S h e t e a c h e s m e a b o u t F i r e m a n F r e d a n d t h e D i n o s a u r D e n . W e t a k e t u r n s 

p l a y i n g F a n d D o n t h e p i a n o . A t t h e e n d o f t h e l e s s o n w e close u p o u r b o o k s . O u r 

n e x t a c t i v i t y w i l l b e a s p e l l i n g r e v i e w o f t h e w o r d s o n t h e F r i d a y d i c t a t i o n . 

" W h a t does t h i s s p e l l ? " E m i l y h a s n o t i c e d t h e p i a n o m a k e r ' s n a m e o n t h e 

i n s t r u m e n t . "It says B a l d w i n . B a l d w i n is t h e n a m e o f t h e c o m p a n y t h a t m a d e t h i s 

p i a n o . Y o u c o u l d t h i n k o f t h i s n a m e as a c o m p o u n d w o r d m a d e o f t w o s m a l l e r 

w o r d s - b a l d a n d w i n , " I a n s w e r . E m i l y beats m e u p s t a i r s t o t h e k i t c h e n t a b l e w h e r e 

w e p r a c t i c e o u r F r e n c h s p e l l i n g . I l i n g e r b e h i n d , c l e a n i n g u p . 

E m i l y h a s j u s t s t a r t e d t o c o m p o s e a n d w r i t e s h o r t s e n t e n c e s . S h e w i l l d o 

t h i s f o r f u n a n d t o get a v e r b a l s t r o k e f r o m h e r p r o u d f a t h e r . T o n i g h t she n e a t l y 

p r i n t s o u t a t h r e e - w o r d s e n t e n c e f o r m y p r a i s e a n d d e l i g h t . It e v e n i n c l u d e d a n e w 

w o r d . " H e r e , D a d . " I t o o k the p a p e r f r o m h e r h a n d t o r e a d t h e w o r d s " D a d is B a l d . " 

51 



" T h a n k y o u so m u c h , " I s a i d , t r y i n g t o k e e p m y face i n a n e u t r a l state o f r e a c t i o n . 

" W e c e r t a i n l y h a d i n t e r e s t i n g l e s s o n f r o m t h e p i a n o t o n i g h t . " 

E m i l y s m i l e d , 

Sunday at the Art Gallery 

It's S u n d a y a n d o u r l i t t l e h o u s e is f i l l e d w i t h t h e s o u n d s o f y o u n g v o i c e s . 

E m i l y h a s h a d h e r f r i e n d , T a m a r a , stay f o r a " s l e e p - o v e r . " T a m a r a is t a l l f o r h e r 

s e v e n y e a r s . H e r f a i r s k i n a n d f r e c k l e s c o m p l i m e n t h e r l o n g , soft, c o r n s i l k h a i r . A 

p l a c i d d e m e a n o r b e l i e s t h e e n e r g e t i c r a s c a l u n d e r n e a t h . T a m a r a n e v e r s p o k e f o r 

t h e f i r s t t w o y e a r s o f h e r l i f e - s h e j u s t o b s e r v e d . B u t n o w t h e r e is n o s t o p p i n g h e r , i n 

e i t h e r E n g l i s h o r F r e n c h . E m i l y w o u l d l o v e it i f T a m a r a w e r e h e r s i s t e r . 

T h e g i r l s h a d s t a y e d u p late l a s t n i g h t i n g i d d y r e v e l r y . R o s e a n d I h a d 

h o p e d t h a t t h e y w o u l d s l e e p i n . N o t a c h a n c e ! B y 6:40, t h e y w e r e a l r e a d y d e e p l y at 

w o r k i n t h e i r p l a y . I a d m i r e h o w c h i l d r e n c a n get t o c l o s e t o e a c h o t h e r i n s u c h a 

s h o r t t i m e . M y m o m w o u l d d e s c r i b e t h e m as b e i n g " t h i c k as t h i e v e s " f o r it is as i f 

t h e i r l i v e s d e p e n d o n t h e i r m u t u a l t r u s t t o p u l l o f t h e i r f a n t a s y c o n s t r u c t s a n d 

c o n s p i r a c i e s o f l i t t l e g i r l a n a r c h y . 

I t h i n k a b o u t h o w l o n g it t a k e s m e t o f o r m f r i e n d s h i p s n o w . M i d d l e - a g e d 

p e o p l e a r e , i n g e n e r a l , so c a u t i o u s a n d set. It t a k e s a n i n v e s t m e n t o f t i m e t o p e e l o f f 

t h e l a y e r s o f p r o t e c t i o n t o get t o t h e i r h e a r t s , w h e r e a s t h e g i r l s i m m e d i a t e l y 

c o n n e c t . A n d the e x t e n d e d t i m e o f t h i s v i s i t h a s a l l o w e d t h e i r g a m e p l a y i n g t o 

s p r e a d f r o m t h e d o w n s t a i r s p l a y r o o m t o E m i l y ' s b e d r o o m a n d n o w t o t h e u p s t a i r s 

l i v i n g r o o m . In fact, i n d o o r tents h a v e b e e n f o i s t e d n e x t t o m y f a v o r i t e c h a i r . 

52 



L u c y , o u r l i t t l e d o g , searches f o r a b i t o f s o f a t o c u r l u p o n . It h a s b e e n 

c o n v e r t e d t o a t r e n d y a p a r t m e n t loft f o r a g r o u p o f s t u f f e d t e d d y b e a r s t h a t are 

w e a r i n g s u n g l a s s e s . T h e t e m p t a t i o n f o r L u c y is u n b e a r a b l e . S m a l l t o y s , l i k e t h e 

P o l l y p o c k e t c o l l e c t i o n are w i t h i n r e a c h . L u c y l o v e s t o g n a w t h e feet o f f t h e s e l i t t l e 

d o l l s — t o t h e abject h o r r o r o f E m i l y , w h o s e i m a g i n a t i o n h a s b r e a t h e d l i f e i n t o these 

s t y l i z e d p o l y m e r s . 

T h e s m e l l o f F r e n c h toast a n d coffee p u l l a l l o f u s i n t o t h e k i t c h e n . It is 

m a n g o s e a s o n i n l a n d s f a r a w a y a n d R o s e h a s b o u g h t a Case f o r s i x d o l l a r s . W e 

feast o n m a n g o a n d s t r a w b e r r i e s b e f o r e t h e n e w l y f o u n d r e c i p e f o r F r e n c h t o a s t . 

R o s e is t r y i n g t o e m u l a t e a r e c i p e t h a t T a m a r a ' s m o m m a k e s f o r h e r . T a m a r a a s k s 

f o r m o r e . 

A f t e r b r e a k f a s t , w e a n n o u n c e o u r i n t e n t i o n s t o v i s i t t h e art g a l l e r y w i t h t h e 

t w o g i r l s . T h e g i r l s c o u n t e r w i t h t h e i r d i s a p p o i n t m e n t t h a t t h e i r g a m e w i l l h a v e t o 

s t o p . ( A t t h i s p o i n t , t h e g i r l s are r e a d y t o p l a y t h e g a m e f o r e v e r a n d f o r T a m a r a t o 

p e r m a n e n t l y m o v e i n t o f a c i l i t a t e t h i s . ) T h e y p l e a d f o r t h e g a m e t o c o n t i n u e . W e 

c o u n t e r b y e x p l a i n i n g t h e s p e c i a l f e a t u r e s o f w h a t t h e A r t G a l l e r y m a r k e t e r s 

d e s c r i b e as " F a m i l y S u n d a y , " a o n c e a m o n t h event w h e r e t h e g a l l e r y b e c o m e s a 

" h a n d s - o n " e x p e r i e n c e f o r its y o u n g e r v i s i t o r s . A n d b e s i d e s , w e e x p l a i n , t h e A r t 

G a l l e r y is o n t h e w a y b a c k to T a m a r a ' s h o m e a n d h e r p a r e n t s are h o p i n g t o see h e r 

a g a i n . 

O n c e t h e g i r l s g r o k t h e r e a l i t y t h a t t h e v i s i t h a s a n e n d i n g , w e a l l w o r k at t h e 

t e d i o u s p r o c e s s o f c l e a n i n g u p a n d g e t t i n g i n t o t h e c a r . T h e c a r r i d e is n o n - d e s c r i p t 

as w e t r a v e l t o t h e m u s i c a l m u s i n g s o f C h a r l o t t e D i a m o n d 

53 



W e f i n d t h e p a r k a d e l o c a t e d u n d e r t h e o l d E a t o n ' s b u i l d i n g . T h e b r i g h t 

s u n s h i n e f a i l s t o o v e r c o m e t h e c o l d c h i l l o f a F e b r u a r y d a y i n V a n c o u v e r . 

F o r t u n a t e l y , t h e o l d l a w c o u r t s b u i l d i n g , w h i c h n o w h o u s e s t h e art g a l l e r y is o n l y a 

f e w s h o r t steps away. 

T h e a r t g a l l e r y is w a r m a n d i n v i t i n g a n d t o t a l l y p r e p a r e d f o r u s . T h e f i r s t 

f l o o r h a s a s p e c i a l s h o w o n p h o t o g r a p h y . T h e o l d p h o t o s h a v e b e e n f r a m e d a n d 

h u n g l i k e p i c t u r e s . 

S o m e p h o t o s are so o l d a n d f r a g i l e t h a t t h e y ar e c o v e r e d w i t h a l i g h t -

b l o c k i n g f a b r i c t h a t y o u lift f o r v i e w i n g . It is a w i n d o w t o t h e p a s t - C S A a p p r o v e d 

t i m e - t r a v e l . O n e p a r t o f t h e e x h i b i t s h o w e d a series o f 1 9 t h c e n t u r y p h o t o s o f a 

m o o s e h u n t . A s w e l o o k e d c l o s e r , w e r e a l i z e d t h a t a l l t h e p i c t u r e s i n t h i s s e r i e s w r ere 

s t a g e d . L i k e a m o v i e set, these e a r l y p h o t o g r a p h e r s h a d c r e a t e d p h o n y b a c k d r o p s 

t o create t h e i l l u s i o n o f b e i n g o u t i n t h e w i l d s o f C a n a d a . T h e s e c o n t r o l l e d 

s i t u a t i o n s a l l o w e d t h e p h o t o g r a p h e r s t o u s e t h e i r b u l k y a n d s l o w c a m e r a s w i t h o u t 

t h e w o r r y i n g a b o u t c h a n g e s i n l i g h t i n g o r w e a t h e r . A p p a r e n t l y , t h i s series a n d 

o t h e r s l i k e it w e r e u s e d i n B r i t i s h m a g a z i n e s t o i n f o r m B r i t i s h r e a d e r s o f l i f e i n t h e 

c o l o n i e s . 

A n art g a l l e r y v o l u n t e e r q u i e t l y w a l k s u p . S h e a s k s , " W o u l d t h e g i r l s l i k e t o 

m a k e o n e ? " T h e g a l l e r y h a s c r e a t e d a l i t t l e a r e a w h e r e e a c h c h i l d c a n c o n s t r u c t a 

s m a l l m o d e l o f a p h o t o s h o o t . T h e c h i l d p i c k s a m i n i a t u r e b a c k d r o p a n d f i g u r i n e s 

f o r t h e t i n y scene. E a c h scene is d e c o r a t e d w i t h t i n y trees a n d t o o l s . It r e m i n d s m e 

o f t h e scenes t h a t I u s e d t o c o n s t r u c t as a b o y w i t h G r a n t E m m s ' m i n i a t u r e r a i l w a y . 

T h e g i r l s w o r k f u r i o u s l y at t h e i r c o m p o s i t i o n s . It h a s t o b e j u s t r i g h t , f o r o n c e it is 

c o n s t r u c t e d , o n e P o l a r o i d s n a p s h o t w i l l b e t a k e n as a s o u v e n i r . 

54 



T h i s l e a r n i n g / p l a y a l l o w s t h e g i r l s t o e x p e r i e n c e w h a t w e n t i n t o these 

p i c t u r e s w h i l e R o s e a n d I t a k e t u r n s v i e w i n g h u n d r e d s o f m a g n i f i c e n t p i c t u r e s . I 

l o v e t h e s t o r i e s t h a t t h e p i c t u r e s t e l l . T h e r e are s o m e w o n d e r f u l p o r t r a i t s o f v a r i o u s 

c h a r a c t e r s f r o m t h e C a n a d i a n past. G r e a t p o r t r a i t p h o t o s s e e m t o s p i l l o v e r w i t h 

t h e a t t i t u d e a n d v a l u e s o f t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s . T h e r e v e l a t o r y n a t u r e o f t h e s e p h o t o s 

r e m i n d s m e o f w h e n , as a y o u n g m a n I w e n t t o t a k e a p i c t u r e o f a f a r m l a b o r e r i n 

M o r o c c o . H e s t o p p e d m e b e f o r e I c o u l d s n a p a n d t o l d m e t h a t h e d i d n o t w i s h t o 

l o s e h i s s o u l t o t h e c a m e r a . N o w , m a n y y e a r s l a t e r , I c o n c u r w i t h h i m . If a 

p h o t o g r a p h e r h a s t h e t a l e n t t o w a i t u n t i l t h e r i g h t m o m e n t , it d o e s s e e m p o s s i b l e t o 

c a p t u r e m o r e t h a n t h e r e f l e c t i o n o f l i g h t o f a n i n d i v i d u a l . I l o v e t h e " t r u t h " t h a t I 

f i n d l o o k i n g i n t o t h e eyes o f ' " u n m a s k e d " s u b j e c t s . 

I n a n o t h e r r o o m o f p h o t o s , l a m i n t r i g u e d a n d d e l i g h t e d t o t r a v e l b a c k t o 

A m e r i c a i n t h e 1 9 4 0 ' s a n d I n d i a i n t h e late 1 9 t h c e n t u r y . T h e p i c t u r e s o f west coast 

F i r s t N a t i o n s p e o p l e s f r o m t h e t u r n o f t h e 2 0 t h c e n t u r y m a k e m e r u n b a c k t o R o s e 

t o t e l l h e r a b o u t s o m e p o r t r a i t s o f n a t i v e w o m e n . B u t t h e r e is n o t i m e t o s h o w h e r . 

E m i l y a n d T a m a r a h a v e b o t h c o m p l e t e d t h e i r m i n i a t u r e p h o t o sets a n d a n art 

g a l l e r y v o l u n t e e r is t a k i n g a P o l a r o i d o f e a c h C r e a t i o n . E a c h g i r l w a t c h e s t h e m a g i c 

o f t h e i n s t a n t p h o t o as it c h a n g e s f r o m a r e d d i s h h a z e t o a c r y s t a l c l e a r p i c t u r e i n a 

f e w m i n u t e s . W i l l s o m e o n e l o o k at these p i c t u r e s w i t h C u r i o s i t y s o m e t i m e i n t h e 

f u t u r e ? 

L o o k i n g f o r m o r e a d v e n t u r e , t h e f o u r o f u s e n d u p o n t h e t o p f l o o r o f t h e 

g a l l e r y . T h i s f l o o r i s d e v o t e d t o t h e w o r k o f E m i l y C a r r . I a m s o p l e a s e d b e c a u s e I 

r e a l l y h a v e n e v e r t a k e n a g o o d l o o k at h e r w o r k . S o o f t e n , w e m i s s s o m e o f t h e 

f i n e s t w o r k a v a i l a b l e , j u s t b e c a u s e it is l o c a l . I n a w o r l d o f i n t e n s e m a r k e t i n g , s o m e 

55 



o f u s h a v e d e v e l o p e d b l i n d e r s a n d f i l t e r s t o w o r k s t h a t are n o t p r o m o t e d i n c e r t a i n 

w a y s . 

A s w e a r r i v e b y e s c a l a t o r at t h e t o p f l o o r , w e are g r e e t e d w i t h a n o v e r s i z e d 

p i c t u r e o f t h e a r t i s t i n h e r l a t e r y e a r s . E m i l y C a r r p r o j e c t s t h e essence o f a s h a m a n 

o r a B u d d h i s t p r i e s t . H e r eyes are d e e p a n d i n d e p e n d e n t a n d s h i n n i n g w i t h e n e r g y 

f r o m b o t h t h e p r e s e n t a n d t h e i n f i n i t e . A s w e e n t e r t h e p r e s e n t a t i o n a r e a , t h e s e 

w o r d s are w r i t t e n o n t h e w a l l : "...enter i n t o t h e l i f e o f t r e e s , k n o w y o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p 

a n d u n d e r s t a n d t h e i r l a n g u a g e , u n s p o k e n , u n w r i t t e n t a l k " ( C a r r , 1966, p. 30). 

S e e i n g h e r w o r k , y o u k n o w t h a t E m i l y C a r r d i d i n d e e d b e c o m e p r o f o u n d l y at 

o n e w i t h t h e f o r e s t . I w a s p u l l e d i n t o t h e trees a n d t h e c a n o p i e s o f g r e e n . It m a k e s 

m e reflect o n P e t e r E l b o w ' s " t h e o r y o f v o i c e " i n l i t e r a r y w r i t i n g ( E l b o w 1998). 

E l b o w b e l i e v e s t h a t a w r i t e r m u s t b e t o t a l l y " i n " a n d " o f a n y e x p e r i e n c e i n o r d e r t o 

w r i t e p o w e r f u l l y a n d c o n v i n c i n g l y a b o u t it. I f i n d m o r e w r i t i n g o n t h e w a l l . " P e o p l e 

s a i d , " E x p l a i n t h e p i c t u r e s . " B u t h o w c a n o n e e x p l a i n s p i r i t ? " ( C a r r , 1966, p. 179) 

W h i l e these w o r d s t h r o w m e i n t o yet a d e e p e r l e v e l , I see t h a t R o s e h a s o u r E m i l y 

a n d T a m a r a w o r k i n g h a r d i n t h e h a n d s - o n a r e a . T h e i r c h a l l e n g e is f i r s t t o f i n d , 

w i t h i n t h e E m i l y C a r r w o r k s , a l a n d s c a p e w i t h s w i r l i n g s k i e s ; t h e n a scene w h e r e 

trees t h a t create a p a t h a n d f i n a l l y t o d i s c o v e r close u p a n d f a r a w a y v i e w s . T h e n 

t h e y are a s k e d t o s k e t c h a f a v o r i t e C a r r l a n d s c a p e . T h i s s k e t c h is m o r p h e d i n t o a 

p a s t e l d r a w i n g t h a t t h e g a l l e r y l a m i n a t e s . E m i l y a n d T a m a r a n o w h a v e t h e r e o w n 

d i n n e r p l a c e m a t s , a l a C a r r . 

W e are n o w r u n n i n g o u t o f t i m e . T h r o u g h t h e p e d a g o g i c a l w i s d o m o f t h e art 

g a l l e r y , T a m a r a a n d E m i l y h a v e b e e n i n t r o d u c e d t o t h e w o r l d o f p h o t o g r a p h i c art 

a n d t h e s u b l i m e a r t i s t r y o f E m i l y C a r r . R o s e a n d I are b o t h e n e r g i z e d a n d i n s p i r e d . 

56 



I n t h e c a r a g a i n , t h e l i t t l e g i r l s m u n c h q u i e t l y o n g o o d i e s f o r t h e p i c n i c t h a t 

w e r a n o u t o f t i m e f o r . W e d r o p T a m a r a off a n d say g o o d b y e . B o t h g i r l s c r y a b i t . It 

is h a r d t o b r e a k t h e b o n d — t w o v o i c e s as o n e . W e a t t e m p t t o m a k e E m i l y feel b e t t e r 

b y r e m i n d i n g h e r t h a t she w i l l b e s e e i n g T a m a r a i n t w o w e e k s f o r a t r i p t o t h e 

b a l l e t . T h e r e is n o c o n s o l i n g h e r w i t h l o g i c . I reflect t h a t E m i l y a l w a y s w r e s t l e s w i t h 

t r a n s i t i o n s f r o m o n e a c t i v i t y t o a n o t h e r . It s e e m s t h a t w e are a l w a y s i n t e r r u p t i n g 

h e r . I feel c o m p a s s i o n f o r h e r . It is s u c h a t o u g h l e s s o n . I t h i n k a b o u t o u r f r i e n d s i n 

A b b o t s f o r d a n d t h e i r n e w b a n n e r t h a t is m o u n t e d o n a d o o r i n t h e i r h o u s e . It 

s i m p l y a n d p r o f o u n d l y r e a d s : " L e a r n t o l i v e ; l e a r n t o l o v e ; l e a r n t o let g o . " 

3. What do I create? 

High Wire Guitar 

P u t t i n g y o u r f o o t o u t y o u feel t h e w i r e 
B e f o r e y o u w a l k o n w a t e r 

A n d t h o u g h y o u are v e r y h i g h 
I n t h e s t r a t o s p h e r e , t h e r e is n o 

N e t a n d c e r t a i n l y n o t u r n i n g b a c k , 
O n l y t u r n i n g i n w a r d as y o u 

C o m p l e t e l y r e l a x , O h m M a n i P a d m e H u m , 
A n d u n c o n s c i o u s l y a l i g n a n d p o i s e 

Y o u r m i n d , b o d y a n d s o u l 
I n a b s o l u t e c o n c e n t r a t i o n 
T o let o u t y o u r v o i c e f r o m 

T h e deepest p i t o f y o u r s p i r i t 
A s o n l y t h e w a y y o u c a n 

W h i l e t h e rest o f t h e u n i v e r s e 
L o o k s o v e r y o u r s h o u l d e r s 

A n d f l o a t s y o u u p i n a 
S e a o f t e a r d r o p s f r o m 

T h e B u d d h a o f c o m p a s s i o n 

A n d i n t h e b l i s t e r i n g w h i r l i n g o f t h e s p h e r e s 
Y o u t u n e i n t o its t a u t n e s s , 

57 



Its f r e q u e n c y a n d t h i c k n e s s 
U n t i l t h e r e is n o s e p a r a t i o n 

T h r o u g h s t o r m a n d s t i l l 
You are... 

Y o u r e x t e n s i o n a n d 
If a l l m a n n e r o f t h i n g s h a v e 

L o c k e d t h e m s e l v e s i n t o 
T h e m o s t s a c r e d p a t t e r n 

W h e n t h e s u n m a k e s l o v e t o t h e m o o n 
A n d t h e t i d e s r o l l b a c k w a r d t o r e v e a l 

A n c i e n t s h i p w r e c k s a n d c i t i e s 
O f so l o n g ago, yet y o u k n o w 

A n d t h e h o w l o f t h e w o l f 
B e c o m e s a n a r i a o f u n s p e a k a b l e b e a u t y . . . 

T h e n y o u are r e a d y 

On Music Class after a Sleepless Night 

Preamble: 
Teaching beginners' band is a daunting task, even at the best of times. I find 

that it requires enormous amounts of patience and fast thinking to make it a 
success. 
In 1998, after a decade of successful teaching, I now encountered a new set of 
challenges to my career with the arrival of a baby girl. Emily provided us with 
immeasurable happiness and fulfillment. Emily was not able, however, to sleep 
through the night. She would call out loudly to us for food or attention. Friends 
told us to be happy about this, knowing that the frequent calls probably meant 
that Emily had a very active brain. Now I know that many Dads can sleep 
through this kind of sound, but I found that every time Emily called out, my 
adrenal glands would fire and my heart would race, leaving me totally awake. 

After 10 months of this, both Rose and I were wrecks. It started to affect my 
work. My patience dwindled, as did my energy levels. In this state of exhaustion, I 
found that the first five minutes of class, when the children are warming up, to be 
the most challenging. Here is a light-hearted poem on the subject of losing your 
mind before the class has even started. 

On Music Class after a Sleepless Night 

L a z y s o u n d s , c r a z y s o u n d s , 
D e e p f r o m a b e d o f m o r n i n g s i l e n c e 

T h e y b l o o m 
In a l l shapes a n d s i z e s , 

S o u n d s o f b r a s s , s o u n d s e l e c t r i c , s o u n d s p a t h e t i c 
F r o m o l d reeds a n d m o l d y r e e d s a n d 

58 



M i s - r e a d s o f m u s i c w i t h 
C a s e s b a n g i n g a n d m u s i c s t a n d s c l a n g i n g 
A n d y o u n g v o i c e s l a u g h i n g a n d a l l o f t h i s 

S p e a k i n g t o m e t h r o u g h a l l m a n n e r o f t o n g u e u n t i l . . . 

T h e g r o w l i n g , h o w l i n g , c r a s h i n g , a n d c l a s h i n g 
O f these f r a g m e n t s o f f r e q u e n c y a n d e m o t i o n 

I n t h i s l u m p y s o n i c m a s s h i t s 
Its c r i t i c a l p o i n t o f n o r e t u r n a n d m o r p h s 
I n t o o n e h i d e o u s m u l t i - t e n d r i l l e d e n t i t y 

T h a t c o n t i n u e s t o e x p a n d a n d 
F e e d o f f b l a c k h o l e recesses u n t i l 

It s u d d e n l y l a s h e s o u t at m e , 
K n o c k i n g m e senseless w i t h 

U n b e a r a b l e d i s s o n a n c e a n d d e c i b e l s 
T h a t m o v e s t o d e s t a b i l i z e m y v e r y f r a m e 

O f c a l m a n d d e t a c h e d p r o f e s s i o n a l i s m (?) 

I s c r a m b l e t o p a d m y e a r s a n d 
G r a b m y b a t o n w h i l e I 

C a l l f o r t h e F o r c e a n d t h e G o d s o f R e a s o n . 
W a l k i n g o u t o f m y office 

I t a p t w i c e o n t h e m u s i c s t a n d , r a i s i n g m y h a n d w h i l e 
P r a y i n g t h a t t h e a l i e n i n m y r o o m 

W i l l h e a r m y c a l l a n d sense m y i n t e n t i o n a n d 
W i l l f a i l t o detect m y b l u f f 

A n d t h a t m y s h e e r m a g n i t u d e o f c o n v i c t i o n 
W i l l d i s s i p a t e t h i s e n t i t y b a c k t o 

A b e d o f s i l e n c e s o t h a t t h e seeds o f 
F o c u s , c o h e s i o n , g r a c e , a n d b e a u t y 

M a y t a k e r o o t a n d o n c e a g a i n 
R e t u r n u s t o a g a r d e n o f s y m p h o n y . 

How Do You Determine? 

Preamble: 
This poem stems from a meeting with a UBC music professor with whom 

I was having lunch. I recall asking him about a Master's program. All his 
responses indicated that I had asked an "illegitimate" question-one that I should 
already know the answer to. As I reflect on this incident, I know that I learned a 
lot. I leaimed that I would never want to speak like this to a student. On the back 
of my door in my office is written "Act Neutral on the Obvious!" This is to remind 
me that, regardless of what I think of any question posed to me, I will endeavor to 
respond in a caring, supportive, and professional manner. After all, it took me 15 
years to return to UBC. 

59 



How Do You Determine? 

H o w d o y o u d e t e r m i n e 
I n y o u r p o s i t i o n o f p o w e r 
If the question put to you 
Is w o r t h y o f a n a n s w e r ? 

T h a t is t o say, 
A s s u m i n g t h a t t h e q u e s t i o n e r is 

C o m i n g f r o m a space o f c l e a n i n t e n t i o n , 
H o w d o y o u d i f f e r e n t i a t e b e t w e e n t h e i n s i g h t f u l a n d 

T h e p l o d d i n g 
H o w d o y o u (dare) d o . . . i t ? 

Is t h e r e s o m e s p e c i a l h i e r a r c h y , 
A M a s l o w ' s l i s t t o w a r d s a p e a k e x p e r i e n c e q u e s t i o n 

T h a t a l l o w s a v a l u e t o b e a t t a c h e d as a n i m m e d i a t e p r e c u r s o r t o t h e a n s w e r ? 

H o w o f t e n d o y o u h e a r t h e p h r a s e " G r e a t Q u e s t i o n " ? 
H o w is t h a t so? 

A r e q u e s t i o n s great t h a t h a v e n o a n s w e r ? 
O r a re t h e y s i m p l y great as segues i n a p e r f o r m a n c e ? 

L e t m e n o w a s k : 
H a v e y o u b e e n b e r e t e d after a s k i n g s o m e t h i n g 

T h a t s e e m e d t o t a l l y r e a s o n a b l e t o a s k ? 

I h a v e . 

" W e l l , obviously, y o u w o u l d d o t h i s , " 
H e b e l l o w e d , h i s t o n e a n d b o d y E n g l i s h 

D r i p p i n g w i t h d i s m i s s i v e s c o r n . 

A=B; B=C; therefore, A=C 

Isn't it i n t r i g u i n g h o w t h e w o r d 
" O b v i o u s l y " cues the questioner 

T h a t t h e q u e s t i o n is d u m b a n d t h e r e f o r e , 
T h e q u e s t i o n e r m u s t "obviously" b e d u m b . 

A n d o f c o u r s e , t h i s p o o r l y c o n s t r u c t e d q u e s t i o n 
A n d its c r u s h i n g r e s p o n s e l e a d s m e t o 

M a n y m o r e s i l l y q u e s t i o n s a b o u t t h e r e s p o n d e r , l i k e : 
W h e r e i n h i s e x p e r i e n c e d i d h e a d a p t t h i s r e s p o n s e ? 

60 



L e a r n e d o r i n v e n t e d , I a s k ? 
D i d h i s m o t h e r o r f a t h e r treat h i m l i k e t h i s ? 

O r i s it a w a y f o r h i m 
T o f e n d off h i s c o n c e r n s a b o u t 

H i s o w n i n s e c u r i t i e s i n g e n e r a l , 
O r p e r h a p s t o v e n t h i s o w n s p e c i f i c a n g e r 

T h a t w a s g e n e r a t e d 
F r o m a l l o w i n g h i m s e l f t o b e i n a p o s i t i o n 

W h e r e h e h a d t o d a n c e w i t h f o o l s s u c h as m e ? 

C e r t a i n l y , I felt s t u p i d f o r a s k i n g b e c a u s e 
I h a d f o o l i s h l y a s s u m e d . . . 

T h a t h e w a s w i s e r t h a n t h a t . 

This Day in the Life 

Preamble: 
One of my continuing goals in this course is to learn how to address 

educational issues through a relaxed, yet informative narrative style that honors 
the importance of context in understanding of human issues. "This Day in the 
Life" reveals of a lot of my own values and philosophy on the art and science of 
teaching. The reflections and ruminations are strung together through the 
"scaffolding" of a typical day. The introduction gives the reader a general feeling 
of the start of a typical day. The middle of the narrative can be thought of as a 
reflection of past challenges of the profession. The final portion of the narrative 
moves into a reflection on the process of mentoring. 

It's t h e g r e e n - l a b e l e d k e y t h a t o p e n s t h i s d o o r . I h a d t o r e s o r t t o c o l o u r 

c o d i n g as every a r e a h a s its o w n key. A s I e n t e r t h e p i t c h - b l a c k r o o m , I t u n e i n t o i t s 

c h a r a c t e r . It feels a i r y , a m b i e n t a n d a l i t t l e c o o l t h i s m o r n i n g i n p a r t i c u l a r . I a m 

a l w a y s s t r u c k b y its eerie m a g n i t u d e . 

I n t h e i n t e n s e b l a c k n e s s , I edge t o w a r d t h e f i r s t s t e p . T h e r e are 21 steps 

d o w n w a r d s i n t o t h i s c h a s m . O n c e I f i n d t h e f i r s t s t e p , I c o n f i d e n t l y d e s c e n d i n t o 

t h e p i t c h , l i s t e n i n g t o t h e r o o m e c h o b a c k m y soft steps as i f it w e r e g e n t l y 

c o m p l a i n i n g a b o u t b e i n g s t i r r e d so e a r l y i n t h e m o r n i n g . 

61 



M o s t o f these m o r n i n g s i n t h e w i n t e r , I s l e e p w a l k d o w n t h e s t a i r s a n d 

t h r o u g h t h i s c a v e r n o u s b l a c k h o l e as I a l w a y s h a v e f o r t h e l a s t 19 y e a r s . It is j u s t 

a n o t h e r r o u t i n e t h a t m y s u b c o n s c i o u s l e a d s m e t h r o u g h . I e v e n o n c e t o o k E m i l y 

t h r o u g h t h i s r o u t e . S h e w a s n o t i m p r e s s e d . 

B u t o n t h e o d d m o r n i n g , w h e n I a m w i t h m y s e l f , I m a r v e l at m y o w n 

f e a r l e s s n e s s / f o o l i s h n e s s at s h u f f l i n g b l i n d l y d o w n t h e s e b a n n i s t e r l e s s , o p e n s t a i r s , 

w h o s e p a i n t e d c o n c r e t e is e q u a l l y as u n f o r g i v i n g t o a f a l l as t h e i n v i s i b l e h a r d w o o d 

b l e a c h e r s t h a t n e i g h b o r t h e s t a i r s . 

I s t i l l h a v e t o c o u n t t h e steps t h o u g h , as t h e d r o p f r o m t h e 2 1 s t step t o t h e 

f l o o r is a l m o s t t w i c e t h e s i z e - s o m e t h i n g t h a t w e w o u l d n a t u r a l l y a d j u s t t o w h e n w e 

h a v e s i g h t r e f e r e n c e s . 

O n c e o n t h e f l o o r , I leave t h e e n o r m o u s u n l i t g y m t o r e t u r n t o i t s e a r l y 

m o r n i n g s l e e p . S o o n it w i l l b e t e e m i n g w i t h a n a r m y o f b a s k e t b a l l J o n e s a n d i t s a i r 

w i l l b e d i s p l a c e d w i t h v o l l e y s o f r u b b e r b a l l s t h a t are a i m e d at i t s b a s k e t s . I exist b y 

a s i d e d o o r , a n d a m o n c e a g a i n o u t s i d e . 

A f t e r a f e w steps, I e n t e r a n o t h e r s m a l l e r , d a r k e d i f i c e . T h i s r o o m , m y 

c l a s s r o o m , h a s a f e w n o r t h e r n f a c i n g w i n d o w s t h a t a l l o w i n t h e p r e - d a w n s k y s o 

n a v i g a t i n g it is m u c h easier. W i t h o u t t u r n i n g o n t h e l i g h t s I u n l o c k m y office, t a k e 

off m y coat a n d s h o e s a n d p r o p u p m y p o s t u r e o n t h e s m a l l s o f a b y m y d e s k . O m 

M a n i P a d m e H u m . 

T h i s office is a t i n y w i n d o w e d r o o m o n t h e s o u t h e a s t c o r n e r o f t h e m u s i c 

p o r t a b l e . T h e p r e - d a w n l i g h t is so p o o r , t h a t I c a n h a r d l y d i s c e r n t h e c o n t e n t s o f 

t h e m a n y f r a m e d p h o t o s t h a t f e s t o o n t h e f o u r w a l l s . P i c t u r e s o f m y R o s e a n d E m i l y 

h a n g n e x t t o p i c t u r e s o f m y g u i t a r c o l l e c t i o n a n d p i c t u r e s o f f o r m e r s t u d e n t s , b a n d 

62 



t r i p s a n d m u s i c a l p r o d u c t i o n s . T h e y a l l f e e d t h e r o o m e n e r g y a n d a t t i t u d e . E a c h 

o n e t e l l s a s t o r y i n m y l i f e . O f c o u r s e , t h e r e i s t h e o b l i g a t o r y c o m p u t e r o n m y l a r g e 

o a k d e s k . N e x t t o it are p i l e s o f m i s c e l l a n e o u s p a p e r s t o b e r e a d a n d t e n d e d t o . It i s 

m e s s y . I n m y n i n e t e e n y e a r s as a m u s i c t e a c h e r , I h a v e n e v e r h a d e v e n o n e d a y 

w h e r e I left t h e b u i l d i n g f e e l i n g t h a t I h a d a n s w e r e d a l l t h e v a r i o u s m a i l a n d w a s 

f u l l y p r e p p e d f o r t h e n e x t d a y . A f t e r so m a n y h o u r s , I j u s t l e a v e . I h a t e t h i s l e v e l o f 

m e d i o c r i t y , b u t I a m m o r e f e a r f u l o f l o s i n g m y l i f e t o t h i s j o b . 

I k n o w t h a t t e a c h i n g i s o n e o f t h e greatest a n d m o s t i m p o r t a n t j o b s o n e 

c o u l d d o . B u t t h r o u g h t h e l e n s o f a m o r e c y n i c a l c o n t e x t , I've w a t c h e d c a r e e r 

t e a c h e r s p o u r t h e i r s o u l i n t o t h i s l e a r n i n g c o m m u n i t y , o n l y t o f i n d t h e m s e l v e s as 

s t r a n g e r s t o t h e b u i l d i n g a n d its i n h a b i t a n t s w i t h i n a v e r y f e w y e a r s o f r e t i r e m e n t . 

T h e s y s t e m g o b b l e s t h e m u p , s q u e e z i n g o u t t h e j u i c e s o f t h e i r i n s p i r a t i o n a n d 

c o m p a s s i o n a n d t h e n s p i t s t h e m o u t a n d t u r n s a w a y . H a v i n g g i v e n t o o m u c h t o 

t h e i r j o b s , t h e s e p e o p l e h a v e n o t s t r u c t u r e d a l i f e o u t s i d e t h e s e h a l l s o f l e a r n i n g . 

T h e y u s u a l l y l e a v e u n d e r s t r a i n e d c i r c u m s t a n c e s a n d t h e y f u n c t i o n l i k e t h e u n d e a d 

o f t h e s y s t e m . T h e i r t i m e h a d c o m e b u t t h e y resist t h e c a l l . T h e y s e e m c o n d e m n e d 

t o a t w i l i g h t z o n e o f m e m o r i e s o f t e a c h i n g p a s t a n d u n c o m f o r t a b l e v i s i t s b a c k t o 

t h e s c h o o l . 

O f c o u r s e , t h e r e are m a n y t e a c h e r s w h o h a v e c o m p l e t e l y r e w a r d i n g c a r e e r s 

a n d m o v e o n t o t h e next a d v e n t u r e w i t h grace a n d ease a n d h u m o u r . B u t it i s t h e 

o d d f e w t h a t leave k i c k i n g a n d s c r e a m i n g t h a t h a u n t m y p s y c h e . 

O n a g o o d d a y , t h e 5 0 - k i l o m e t e r d r i v e t o w o r k takes a b o u t 5 0 m i n u t e s . It's a 

h a r d d r i v e a n d o f t e n I a m w i t n e s s t o a l o t o f i m p a t i e n c e a n d f r u s t r a t i o n as 

63 



t h o u s a n d s o f cars o n m y r o u t e squeeze t h r o u g h a b r i d g e a n d a t i n y c o r r i d o r t o 

m o v e t o w o r k . 

I p u r p o s e f u l l y a r r i v e at w o r k b e f o r e 7:30 a m . T h i s gives m e t i m e t o u n w i n d 

f r o m t h e c o m m u t e p r i o r t o o p e n i n g t h e r o o m at 8:00 am. I n t h e d a r k n e s s , I sit o n 

m y office c o u c h a n d m e d i t a t e . T r a n s c e n d e n t a l M e d i t a t i o n , o r T M , is t h e s t y l e t h a t I 

p r a c t i s e . F o r a l m o s t 20 y e a r s , I f a i t h f u l l y m e d i t a t e d t w i c e a d a y . W h e n E m i l y w a s 

b o r n i n 1998,1 h a d t o p u t m y m e d i t a t i n g o n h o l d . I n 2003,1 w a s a b l e t o s q u e e z e i n 

o n e m e d i t a t i o n a d a y a n d I've b e e n p r e t t y w e l l s t u c k at t h a t a m o u n t . 

I h a v e a l w a y s r e c e i v e d t r e m e n d o u s b e n e f i t f r o m t h i s E a s t e r n d i s c i p l i n e . I n 

fact, I w a s s h o c k e d at h o w m u c h T M h a d i n c r e a s e d m y w e l l - b e i n g , m y c r e a t i v i t y 

a n d m y a b i l i t y t o c o n c e n t r a t e . I n fact, s o o n after I s t a r t e d m e d i t a t i n g , I b e c a m e 

e v a n g e l i s t i c a n d t o l d a l l m y f r i e n d s t h a t t h e y h a d t o t r y it. T o m y c h a g r i n , n o n e o f 

m y f r i e n d s f o u n d m u c h v a l u e i n t h e p r a c t i c e a n d a l l s t o p p e d . 

I d o n ' t k n o w w h y I get so m u c h o u t o f T M b u t after t h e f a i l u r e o f m y f r i e n d s , 

I h a r d l y e v e r t e l l p e o p l e a b o u t it. I j u s t d o . A f t e r 20 m i n u t e s o f t h e p r a c t i s e , I've left 

t h e d r i v e t o t a l l y b e h i n d . 

B e t w e e n 8:00 a n d 8:30,1 t u r n o n t h e l i g h t s , u n l o c k t h e d o o r s a n d b r e w 

s o m e s t r o n g coffee. S t u d e n t s are i n v i t e d t o c o m e i n f o r e x t r a h e l p at t h i s t i m e . 

E x t r a h e l p s e s s i o n s a re s p e c i a l f o r t h e " p r o f e s s i o n a l " m e as t h e y are a t i m e w h e n I 

c a n r e a l l y d i g i n a n d w o r k o n e o n o n e w i t h o u t t h e p r e s s u r e o f t h e class d y n a m i c s . It 

is a t i m e w h e r e I c a n r e a l l y s u p p o r t a n d m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e . It is a l s o a t i m e w h e n I 

c a n i n c r e a s e m y r a p p o r t a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a s t u d e n t . 

T o d a y , M a r k , a g ra d e 7 b e g i n n e r f r o m a n e a r b y f e e d e r s c h o o l , h a s b o o k e d i n 

f o r t h e h e l p s e s s i o n . It is n o t t h e f i r s t s e s s i o n . W e h a v e b e e n m e e t i n g q u i t e 

6 4 



r e g u l a r l y as M a r k is r e a l l y s t r u g g l i n g . I h a v e l e a r n e d t h r o u g h t h e y e a r s t h a t 

c h i l d r e n o f t h e s a m e age c a n w i l d l y v a r y i n t h e i r d e v e l o p m e n t . M a r k i s 12 y e a r s o l d , 

b u t r e a l l y h e ' s j u s t a l i t t l e b o y , w h o is t r y i n g h a r d t o stay a l i t t l e b o y . I n h i s r e g u l a r 

class h e is a l m o s t a l w a y s off-task s o c i a l i z i n g , m a k i n g f u n n y faces a n d p r e t e n d i n g t o 

p l a y h i s b a s s g u i t a r . N o w h e is s e r i o u s l y b e h i n d t h e rest o f t h e c l a s s . 

H e h a s r e l u c t a n t l y a g r e e d t o accept s o m e h e l p . H i s m o t h e r b r o u g h t h i m t o 

t h e f i r s t s e s s i o n . H e w a s n o t h a p p y . I w a t c h e d t h e d y n a m i c b e t w e e n t h e m o t h e r 

a n d t h e c h i l d . I s e n s e d t h a t t h e c h i l d is v e r y p o w e r f u l w i t h i n t h a t d y n a m i c . 

T o d a y is h i s f o u r t h v i s i t . W h e n I d o get h i m f o c u s e d , I f i n d t h a t h e c a n l e a r n 

t h e m a t e r i a l as w e l l as a n y o n e . W e m a k e s o m e p r o g r e s s a n d h e leaves h a p p y . I 

w o r r y a b o u t n e x t y e a r . H o w w i l l h e h a n d l e t h e r i g o r s o f h i g h s c h o o l l i f e ? 

W h e n I h e l p these s t u d e n t s , I a b a n d o n a n y e x p e c t a t i o n s o n h o w t h e l e a r n i n g 

s h o u l d p r o g r e s s . F o r e x a m p l e , I w i l l c o n t i n u e t o s l o w d o w n m y rate o f t e a c h i n g , 

e v e n t o p a i n f u l l y s l o w l e v e l s a n d s m a l l steps i f it is r e q u i r e d . I w i l l e n d l e s s l y r e p e a t 

p r o c e s s e s a n d r e - f r a m e t h e m u n t i l t h e c o n c e p t o r t e c h n i q u e is a b s o r b e d . T h e 

s t u d e n t ' s o w n a b i l i t y a n d needs d e t e r m i n e t h e rate o f l e a r n i n g a n d t h e a m o u n t o f 

l e a r n i n g . N o j u d g m e n t is p a s s e d o n t h e s t u d e n t . I t r y t o b e c a l m , easy a n d u p b e a t . 

A n y " o n e o n o n e " w o r k w i t h a s t u d e n t a l w a y s c h a n g e s t h e d y n a m i c s o f o u r 

r e l a t i o n s h i p . It i n v a r i a b l y i m p r o v e s it. O n m a n y l e v e l s , m y e a r l y m o r n i n g h e l p 

s e s s i o n is t h e m o s t f r u i t f u l t i m e o f t h e d a y . 

A t 8:25, t h e w a r n i n g b e l l s o u n d s . I q u i c k l y r u n t o t h e w a s h r o o m , as t h e 

coffee w o n ' t let m e c a r r y o n u n t i l 9:47. W e h a v e o n e h o u r a n d s e v e n t e e n m i n u t e 

classes. T o m e , t h i s l e n g t h o f class is t o o m u c h f o r grade 8 a n d 9 s t u d e n t s . M y 

6 5 



f r u s t r a t i o n w i t h t h i s i s s u e gives m e cause t o reflect o n s o m e o f t h e i n t e r n a l 

p r o c e s s e s o f t h e t e a c h i n g p r o f e s s i o n . 

T h e i n t e r s e c t i o n o f p o l i t i c s w i t h t h e e d u c a t i o n o f c h i l d r e n w a s s o m e t h i n g 

t h a t I w a s n o t p r e p a r e d f o r as a n o v i c e t e a c h e r . T h e e d u c a t i o n a l s l o g a n o f o u r 

p r o v i n c i a l g o v e r n m e n t : " S t u d e n t s c o m e f i r s t , " e v o k e s m i x e d r e s p o n s e s w i t h i n m e . 

O n e o f t h e e d u c a t i o n a l t r u i s m s t h a t I h a v e d e v e l o p e d is t h a t scarcity evokes 

political activity. W h e n I e n t e r e d t h e p r o f e s s i o n i n t h e late 1 9 8 0 ' s , I f o u n d t h a t t h e 

v a r i o u s d e p a r t m e n t s i n t h e s c h o o l w e r e b r o k e n i n t o s e p a r a t e c a m p s a n d e a c h 

a g g r e s s i v e l y s o u g h t f a v o r w i t h t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n i n o r d e r t o g a r n e r m o n i e s t o r u n 

t h e i r u n d e r - f u n d e d p r o g r a m s . W i t h t h i s i n c r e a s e d p o l i t i c i s m , I n o t i c e d a 

p r o p o r t i o n a t e decrease i n e t h i c a l a c t i o n . 

T h e t i m e t a b l e i s s u e w a s d r i v e n p r i m a r i l y b y t h r o u g h t h e n e e d s o f t h e s c i e n c e 

d e p a r t m e n t . W e h a d b e e n r u n n i n g 5 / 5 5 - m i n u t e b l o c k s a d a y . T h e s c h o o l at t h i s 

t i m e w a s n u m b e r 1 i n t h e p r o v i n c e as d e t e r m i n e d b y t h e c o n s e r v a t i v e t h i n k - t a n k — 

t h e " F r a s e r I n s t i t u t e r e p o r t . " O n e w o u l d h a v e t o d e t e r m i n e t h a t , b y t h e m e a s u r e o f 

t h e F r a s e r I n s t i t u t e , w e w e r e d o i n g w e l l as a s c h o o l . T h e L a b t e a c h e r s w a n t e d m o r e 

t i m e t o c l e a n u p after l a b s . T h e i r d e p a r t m e n t h e a d h a d t h e e a r o f a l o t o f p e o p l e 

a n d s u c c e s s f u l l y s p e a r h e a d e d t h e c o m m i t t e e f o r c h a n g e . I a m s u r e it h a s b e e n g o o d 

f o r t h e l a b s e s s i o n s , b u t I feel t h a t t h e r e s u l t h a s b e e n d e v a s t a t i n g f o r the 13 a n d 14 

y e a r o l d s at o u r s c h o o l . M y sense is t h a t it is j u s t t o o l o n g f o r t h e g r a d e 8 ' s a n d 9 ' s 

t o sit a n d f o c u s . Children need to move. A t least, i n t h e o l d s y s t e m , t h e k i d s r o s e u p 

a n d m o v e d t o t h e i r n e x t class every 5 5 m i n u t e s . F u r t h e r m o r e , these l o n g classes 

h a v e m o v e d l u n c h t i m e s t o 1 2 . 5 3 ! T h i s m a k e s t h i r d b l o c k classes u n f o c u s s e d a n d 

u n r u l y , as p e o p l e are m u c h t o o h u n g r y t o b e p r o d u c t i v e . 

66 



B e s i d e s p e e r p o l i t i c s , I h a v e e n c o u n t e r e d a n d w o r k e d t h r o u g h 

a d m i n i s t r a t i v e p o l i t i c s a n d s c h o o l b o a r d p o l i t i c s . I n m y f i r s t y e a r s o f t e a c h i n g , I 

a c t i v e l y e n g a g e d i n r a p p o r t b u i l d i n g a c t i v i t i e s w i t h m y a d m i n i s t r a t o r s . I s o o n 

l e a r n e d t h a t m a n y a d m i n i s t r a t o r s h a d c o m e f r o m P E b a c k g r o u n d s . I f e a r e d t h a t i n 

a f i n a n c i a l s q u e e z e , a d m i n i s t r a t o r s m i g h t c u t p r o g r a m s t h a t t h e y w e r e u n f a m i l i a r 

w i t h . I n o r d e r t o i n c r e a s e t h e i r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e v a l u e o f t h e a r t s , I w o u l d f o r m 

a f t e r - s c h o o l r o c k b a n d s w i t h t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n . T h e p r i n c i p a l a n d v i c e - p r i n c i p a l s 

w o u l d s i n g o r p l a y w i t h m e . I n e v i t a b l y , w e w o u l d p e r f o r m f o r l a u g h s at s c h o o l 

d i s t r i c t f u n c t i o n s . I f o u n d t h i s strategy t o b e v e r y effective i n r a i s i n g t h e p e r c e i v e d 

v a l u e o f t h e arts. 

R i c k M y e r s , o n e o f m y s p o n s o r t e a c h e r s w h e n I w a s a s t u d e n t t e a c h e r , 

a l w a y s s a i d t h a t i f y o u w a n t t o get access t o p o w e r ( m o n e y ) , b e f r i e n d t h e P A C . R i c k 

c l e a r l y u n d e r s t o o d t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e p a r e n t s a n d t h e p r i n c i p a l s . I h a v e 

n o t a s k e d f o r m u c h f r o m o u r P A C , b u t w h e n I d i d , I l e a r n e d t h e w i s d o m i n R i c k ' s 

s t a t e m e n t . 

I n fact, a w o m a n o n t h e P A C n o t i c e d t h a t I h a d n o t b e e n a s k i n g f o r a n y 

m o n e y . M y r a t o l d m e t h a t it w a s t i m e f o r m y d e p a r t m e n t t o get s o m e f i n a n c i a l 

s u p p o r t . S h e a s k e d w h a t I h a d d r e a m t a b o u t h a v i n g i n m y b a n d r o o m . I t o l d h e r 

t h a t I w o u l d l o v e t o get a s m a l l r e c o r d i n g s t u d i o , as I b e l i e v e d t h a t m a k i n g a 

r e c o r d i n g o f t h e s t u d e n t s w o u l d generate m u c h l e a r n i n g f o r m y classes. W i t h i n t w o 

m o n t h s , I h a d a f u l l y e q u i p p e d 16 D i g i t a l r e c o r d i n g s y s t e m , c o m p l e t e w i t h 

m i c r o p h o n e s , cables a n d p r o c e s s i n g e q u i p m e n t . T h e P A C h a d p u t a m a j o r p o r t i o n 

o f t h e i r f u n d - r a i s i n g m o n e y i n t o t h e project. 

67 



T h i s w a s a n i n c r e d i b l e w i n f o r t h e m u s i c d e p a r t m e n t , b u t I f o u n d t h e n e x t 

p a r t o f t h e s t o r y m u c h m o r e c u r i o u s . I n e e d e d a s m a l l s o u n d b o o t h t o h o u s e t h e 

n e w r e c o r d i n g s y s t e m . M y P A C f r i e n d t o l d m e t h a t S u p e r i n t e n d e n t w o u l d h a v e 

F a c i l i t i e s c o n s t r u c t t h e b o o t h . I w a r n e d h e r t h a t it m i g h t b e d i f f i c u l t f o r m e t o get 

t h e b o a r d t o f i n a n c e t h i s . M y r a , h o w e v e r , d i d n o t see t h i s as a p r o b l e m . S h e s i m p l y 

w e n t t o t h e b o a r d office a n d t o l d t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t t o b u i l t it, as t h e P A C h a d 

a l r e a d y i n v e s t e d so m u c h m o n e y i n t h e p u r c h a s e o f t h e e q u i p m e n t . 

P e r i o d i c a l l y , M y r a w o u l d p h o n e m e t o ask h o w t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n w a s g o i n g . 

If it w e r e n o t u p t o h e r s a t i s f a c t i o n , s h e w o u l d m a r c h d o w n t o t h e b o a r d office a n d 

give t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t a h a r d t i m e . A s t h e p r o c e s s w a s n e a r i n g a n e n d , I got 

a n o t h e r c a l l f r o m M y r a . "Is it f i n i s h e d y e t ? " s h e i n q u i r e d . " T h e y t e l l m e it w i l l b e 

c o m p l e t e b y T h u r s d a y , " I r e p l i e d . "I'll b e d o w n t o see it t h e n , " s h e q u i p p e d . 

W h e n T h u r s d a y a r r i v e d , t h e r o o m w a s n o t q u i t e f i n i s h e d b u t , t o m y 

t h i n k i n g , c l o s e e n o u g h . " W e l l , " s a i d M y r a , after r e c e i v i n g t h e r o y a l t o u r , "I m u s t b e 

g o i n g n o w t o t a k e t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t t h i s a p p l e p i e t h a t I c o o k e d f o r h e r . " " W h a t i f 

t h e p r o j e c t h a d n o t b e e n f i n i s h e d ? " I s h y l y a s k e d . " I n t h a t c a s e , I w a s g o i n g t o 

" N o r t h S h o r e N e w s " t o h a v e it p r i n t e d t h a t t h e S e a V i e w P A C h a d s p e n t $ 1 0 , 0 0 0 o n 

e q u i p m e n t t h a t w a s n o t b e i n g u s e d o n a c c o u n t o f t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t . " I k n e w t h a t 

M y r a w a s t e l l i n g t h e t r u t h . T h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t c o u l d b e d i f f i c u l t at t i m e s , b u t 

M y r a u n d e r s t o o d h e r a v e r s i o n f o r b a d p r e s s . . In s o m e w a y s , t h e s u p e r i n t e n d e n t 

d i d n ' t s t a n d a c h a n c e . 

N e i t h e r d i d t h e t e a c h e r s w h e n t h e y w h e n t h e y t r i e d t o d e f e n d t h e i r 

i n t e r e s t s w i t h t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t . I n a b u d g e t s a v i n g m o v e , t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t 

c a n c e l l e d t h e p o s i t i o n o f d e p a r t m e n t h e a d . T h i s p o s i t i o n w a s n o t p r o t e c t e d i n o u r 

68 



c o n t r a c t at t h e t i m e . S o , t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t p u l l e d b a c k t h e m o n e y f o r t h e 

p o s i t i o n , a l t h o u g h she f u l l y e x p e c t e d t h e d e p a r t m e n t h e a d s t o c o n t i n u e t h e i r 

d u t i e s , a l b e i t f o r free. 

T h i s p o s i t i o n w a s n o t a h i g h l y p a i d o n e . T e a c h e r s , w h o w e r e i n s e r v i c e as 

d e p a r t m e n t h e a d s , r e c e i v e d a f e w t h o u s a n d d o l l a r s a y e a r i n e x c h a n g e f o r a l o t o f 

m e e t i n g s a n d w o r k . M y staff, h o w e v e r , w a s v e r y o f f e n d e d b y t h i s s w i f t a n d 

u n e x p e c t e d a c t i o n . A s a r e a c t i o n , t h e staff v o t e d t o n o t a t t e n d t h e s u m m e r p r o - d a y 

m o r n i n g i n late A u g u s t - t h e o n e w h e r e t h e y h a d t o l i s t e n t o t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t ' s 

a n n u a l r e p o r t . T h e r e s u l t o f t h i s a c t i o n w a s t h a t S e a V i e w w e n t t h r o u g h m a n y y e a r s 

o f n o m o n i e s f o r s c h o o l r e n o v a t i o n o r u p d a t i n g . 

I n s t e a d , it s e e m e d t o t h e staff at Sea V i e w t h a t t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t t o o k a l l 

t h e m o n i e s f o r u p g r a d i n g a n d r e p a i r a n d p o u r e d it i n t o n e i g h b o u r i n g C l o v e r B l u f f s 

H i g h . T h i s s c h o o l h a d a c c e p t e d t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t ' s c u t i n d e p a r t m e n t h e a d p a y . 

T h e r e h a d b e e n n o o v e r t a c t i o n . W a s C l o v e r B l u f f s d e e m e d t h e g o o d e m p l o y e e s a n d 

t h e g o o d s c h o o l , as t h e S e a V i e w t e a c h e r s s u s p e c t e d ? 

I w a s r e m i n d e d o f t h i s r e a l o r i m a g i n e d d i s p a r i t y o n e d a y , w h e n I s a w m y 

f r i e n d , J o h n , a r r i v i n g w i t h a c l o c k f o r t h e s c h o o l . " A r e y o u b r i n g i n g u s a n e w 

c l o c k ? " I a s k e d , n o t r e a l l y Caring f o r a n a n s w e r , b u t r a t h e r w a n t i n g t o c o n n e c t w i t h 

J o h n . " O h , t h i s i s n ' t a n e w c l o c k , it's f r o m C l o v e r B l u f f s H i g h . " D o e s n ' t C l o v e r 

B l u f f s n e e d i t ? " I i n q u i r e d . " O h n o , these a n a l o g c l o c k s h a v e b e e n j u n k e d b y C l o v e r 

B l u f f s . T h e y o n l y use d i g i t a l c l o c k s . " W e w e r e g e t t i n g C l o v e r B l u f f s ' t h r o w - a w a y s . 

O n a m u c h l a r g e r s c a l e , o u r s c h o o l h a s n o t h e a t r e . T h i s is d e s p i t e a s t r o n g 

p e r f o r m i n g arts t r a d i t i o n . A b o u t 5 y e a r s ago, a w o n d e r f u l w o m a n n a m e d F a y 

B i l l i n g s w a n t e d t o b u i l d , as a l e g a c y , a d u a l - u s e c o m m u n i t y / s c h o o l t h e a t r e . T h a t i s , 

69 



b o t h t h e c o m m u n i t y a n d t h e s c h o o l w o u l d s h a r e t h e f a c i l i t y . T h e s c h o o l w o u l d 

p r o v i d e t h e l a n d at a s c h o o l site a n d F a y B i l l i n g s w o u l d d o n a t e $5.5 m i l l i o n d o l l a r s 

t o c o n s t r u c t t h e f a c i l i t y . 

O u r s c h o o l n a t u r a l l y l o b b i e d f o r t h e t h e a t r e . N o w I w i l l n o t p r e t e n d t o 

k n o w w h a t h a p p e n e d i n t h e b a c k r o o m n e g o t i a t i o n s , b u t I k n o w t h a t C l o v e r B l u f f s 

H i g h w a s c h o s e n b y t h e S u p e r i n t e n d e n t as t h e site f o r t h e t h e a t r e , e v e n t h o u g h it 

h a d a f u l l y f u n c t i o n i n g a n d great s o u n d i n g t h e a t r e a l r e a d y . I'll n e v e r forget t h e 

f e e l i n g I h a d as I w a t c h e d t h e m d e m o l i s h t h i s t h e a t r e i n o r d e r t o b u i l d a n e w o n e 

w h e n S e a V i e w h a d n o p e r f o r m a n c e v e n u e t o d i s p l a y t h e t a l e n t s o f t h e i r k i d s . W e 

c o u l d h a v e h a d t w o theatres i n s t e a d o f o n e . I n a f i n a l i r o n i c t w i s t , S e a V i e w w a s 

g i v e n t h e o l d seats f r o m t h e t h e a t r e t h a t w a s b e e n d e m o l i s h e d i n o r d e r t o c o n v e r t 

t h e d r a m a r o o m i n t o a s m a l l t h e a t r e . 

C l e a r i n g m y m i n d o f t h e p a s t , I f o c u s o n t h e t a s k s at h a n d . M y f i r s t class o f 

t h e d a y , w h i c h starts at 8:30am is o n e o f m y f a v o r i t e classes. It is m y R & B ( R h y t h m 

a n d B l u e s ) B a n d C l a s s . I l o v e t h i s class f o r a n u m b e r o f r e a s o n s , b u t m a i n l y f o r t h e 

fact t h a t it teaches t h e s t u d e n t s h o w t o p l a y b y ear. E a c h s t u d e n t receives a C D o f 

R & B m a t e r i a l at t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e y e a r . T h e g o a l is f o r t h e b a n d t o f i g u r e o u t 

w h a t t o p l a y o f f t h e C D a n d t h e n t o go o u t a n d p e r f o r m t h e m a t e r i a l . B e s i d e s 

p r o v i d i n g e a r t r a i n i n g , t h i s c o u r s e offers o t h e r b e n e f i t s : it i n t r o d u c e s t h e m t o A f r o -

A m e r i c a n s o u l m u s i c o f the 1960's a n d 1970's; it d e v e l o p s t e a m m e n t a l i t y ; it 

t e a c h e s t h e g r o u p i n d e p e n d e n c e a n d r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , c o l l e c t i v e d e c i s i o n m a k i n g , 

h i g h e r p e r f o r m a n c e s t a n d a r d s , a n d it d e v e l o p s l e a d e r s h i p q u a l i t i e s i n s t u d e n t s . 

T h i s c o u r s e w a s d e v e l o p e d b y m y s e l f t o f o s t e r l e a r n i n g t h a t w a s n o t b e i n g 

a d d r e s s e d t o m y s a t i s f a c t i o n t h r o u g h t r a d i t i o n a l c o n c e r t b a n d p r o g r a m s . O n e o f 

7 0 



t h e t h i n g s t h a t I h a v e l e a r n e d is t h a t children are "able." B y t h a t I m e a n t h a t i f y o u 

o p e n t h e d o o r s o f e x p e c t a t i o n t o greater l e a r n i n g , c h i l d r e n w i l l o f t e n r i s e t o m e e t 

t h e c h a l l e n g e . 

O n e o f t h e g r a t i f y i n g b y - p r o d u c t s o f t h i s c o u r s e is t h e c o l l e c t i v e m a t u r i t y o f 

t h e b a n d : If, b y c h a n c e , t h e office n e e d s t o s p e a k w i t h m e a n d I a r r i v e late t o c l a s s , 

t h e class w i l l h a v e s t a r t e d w i t h o u t m e . W h a t a f u l f i l l i n g m o m e n t t h i s i s . 

T h i s b a n d , a l o n g w i t h m y a f t e r - s c h o o l j a z z e n s e m b l e s , is c l e a r l y o n e o f t h e 

h i g h l i g h t s o f m y t e a c h i n g e x p e r i e n c e . I t is a l o n g j o u r n e y o f t e c h n i c a l a n d a e s t h e t i c 

g r o w t h f r o m t h e G r a d e 7 b e g i n n e r s ' b a n d t o these e n s e m b l e s . T h e c o m m u n i t y h a s 

t h o r o u g h l y e m b r a c e d t h e R & B b a n d . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e b a n d i s f r e q u e n t l y a s k e d t o 

p l a y f o r a s s o r t e d f u n c t i o n s a n d c e l e b r a t i o n s o u t s i d e o f s c h o o l . 

K e r r y S t a l l i n g , m y s t u d e n t t e a c h e r , is t e a c h i n g t h e s e c o n d b l o c k o f t h e d a y . 

H e is 2 6 y e a r s o l d a n d j u s t s t a r t i n g o n h i s j o u r n e y . K e r r y is t h e 8 t h s t u d e n t t e a c h e r 

t h a t I've s p o n s o r e d . H e is a " n a t u r a l " at t h i s g a m e , w i t h s u p e r i o r k n o w l e d g e o f 

w i n d i n s t r u m e n t s a n d a n i r r e p r e s s i b l e e n e r g y a n d p o s i t i v e p e r s o n a l i t y . 

W h e n t h e y s h o w p r o m i s e , s t u d e n t t e a c h e r s c a n b e w o n d e r f u l a i d e s i n g e t t i n g 

m e a l i t t l e m o r e i n o r d e r . S t u d e n t t e a c h e r s a l w a y s p r o v i d e a n e x c e l l e n t m i r r o r f o r 

m y s e l f . T h e y m a k e m e u n c o m f o r t a b l y a w a r e o f t h e areas t h a t I n e e d t o w o r k o n . 

S t u d e n t t e a c h e r s a l s o e v e n t u a l l y p r o v i d e m e w i t h v a l u a b l e c a t c h - u p t i m e w i t h m y 

w o r k . A n d it is r e a l l y a j o y t o d i s c u s s p e d a g o g y a n d strategy w i t h t h e m . 

K e r r y h a s c h o s e n t o t e a c h stage b a n d d u r i n g h i s f i r s t w e e k . H i s c o n f i d e n c e 

a n d l o v e o f t h e m a t e r i a l is o b v i o u s t o t h e c l a s s . T h e y l i s t e n a n d c o - o p e r a t e . T h e 

class i s , i n g e n e r a l , a s u c c e s s . A f t e r w a r d s , I t a l k w i t h K e r r y a b o u t p a c i n g a n d 

m o m e n t u m t o k e e p u p t h e f u n a n d get t h r o u g h a l l t h e l e a r n i n g o b j e c t i v e s . H e 

71 



l i s t e n s c a r e f u l l y . F i n a l l y , I e x p l a i n t h a t a l l t h e c l a s s e s , r e g a r d l e s s o f h o w n i c e t h e y 

are at t h e b e g i n n i n g , w i l l test h i m t o d e t e r m i n e h i s b o u n d a r i e s . I t e l l h i m t o a v o i d 

t a k i n g it p e r s o n a l l y a n d that it is j u s t a n a t u r a l n e e d f o r s t u d e n t s t o d i s c o v e r l i m i t s . 

T w o w e e k s l a t e r , K e r r y t e l l s m e t h a t h e r e a l i z e s t h a t c l a s s r o o m t e a c h i n g is 

m u c h m o r e a p s y c h o l o g i c a l " g a m e " t h a n h e t h o u g h t a n d t h a t h i s m u s i c a l 

k n o w l e d g e is n o t t h a t i m p o r t a n t . I t e l l h i m t h a t b o t h p s y c h o l o g i c a l a n d m u s i c a l 

k n o w l e d g e are b o t h i m p o r t a n t a n d t h a t h e b r i n g s a l o t t o offer t h e k i d s . S e c r e t l y , I 

a m v e r y h e a r t e n e d b y h i s e p i p h a n y so t h a t w e c a n m o v e a n d d i s c u s s p s y c h o l o g i c a l 

i s s u e s a n d strategies. 

Getting into the Water 

Week One 

I c a n feel y o u t h i n k i n g 
T h a t I'm j u s t a n o t h e r o l d f o o l 

A n d that I c a n n o t m a t c h 
Y o u r k n o w l e d g e b a s e 
A n d y o u r y o u t h f u l age 

A n d y o u r p a s s i o n f o r y o u r a r t 
A n d y o u r h u m o u r a n d y o u r e a r r i n g 

T h i s g i g w i l l b e easy, y o u a s s u m e 
M u s i c h a s b e e n y o u r l i f e ; y o u r c a l l i n g 

S o it s h o u l d b e n o t h i n g at a l l 
T o get t h e k i d s t o f a l l i n 

A n d t o w h i s p e r t h e i r w h i m 
T h a t y o u , l i k e h i m , w o u l d b e 

T h e i r t e a c h e r o f c h o i c e 

B u t t h o u g h y o u b r i s t l e w i t h c o n f i d e n c e 
A n d t h o u g h I w h i s t l e at y o u r t e c h n i q u e 

Y o u d o n o t yet u n d e r s t a n d t h a t 
S t i l l w a t e r s r u n d e e p 

A n d t e a c h i n g is m u c h m o r e 
C o m p l e x t h a n f i r s t a p p e a r s 

A n d j u s t as a v i r t u o s o m u s i c i a n 

72 



C a n s e d u c e y o u i n t o b e l i e v i n g 
T h a t s o m e t h i n g i n c r e d i b l y h a r d 

Is a c t u a l l y easy, 
D o n ' t b e f o o l e d b y t h a t a p p a r i t i o n 

F o r y o u are l i k e a s w a n t h a t h a s 
N e v e r s e e n w a t e r 

A n d n e v e r f l o w n s o u t h 
F o r t h e w i n t e r 

A n d t h o u g h 
Y o u m a y b e g e n e t i c a l l y p r e - d i s p o s e d 

N o t h i n g w i l l r e p l a c e g e t t i n g w e t 
A n d i n t o t h e w a t e r 

Week Two 

W h a t h a p p e n e d ? 
D i d n ' t I e x p l a i n ? 
W a t c h c a r e f u l l y 

N o w w h o is t o b l a m e ? 
T h a t t h e t i m i n g i s off 

A n d y o u ' r e n o t f o l l o w i n g 
Y o u r v e r y o w n p l a n 
A n d t h e c h i l d r e n are 

R e - d i r e c t i n g y o u r objectives 
A n d y o u are p l a y e d i n t o t h e i r h a n d 

A n d get y o u r h e a d u p ! 
D o n ' t y o u see? 

W h a t h a s t r a n s p i r e d i n t h e class 
A s y o u w a x e d p o e t i c a b o u t y o u r p a s t ? 

Y o u m u s t l e a d , b u t n o t t o o s l o w l y 
O r t h e class w i l l t o t a l l y 

P u l l y o u d o w n , n o t h i n g p e r s o n a l , 
T h e y ' l l d o it at a n y r e h e a r s a l 

T o a n y c o n d u c t o r 
T h a t f a i l s t o k e e p m o v i n g 
F o r these k i n e t i c b e i n g s 
C a n h a r d l y k e e p s t i l l so 

Y o u b e t t e r b e o n t o p o f y o u r g a m e 
A n d u s e y o u r s m a r t s a n d w i l l 

A n d g u i d e t h e t r a i n b e f o r e it d e r a i l s 



Week Three 

W h a t is t h i s t h a t y o u ' v e f o u n d ? 
W e m a y h a v e c o m m o n g r o u n d 

A f t e r a l l 
A s y o u n o t i c e h o w e a s i l y 

I step i n a n d steer y o u a w a y 
F r o m a d i s a s t r o u s f a l l 

A n d n o w y o u are s t a r t i n g t o see 
T e a c h i n g r e q u i r e s subject k n o w l e d g e 

B u t j u s t as m u c h it n e e d s strategy 
A n d i n t u i t i o n a n d s u b t l e t y 

T o f l y a n d i n s p i r e r e s p e c t f u l l y 

A n d n o w I sense 
A c h a n g e i n t h e g a m e 

Y o u ' r e w a t c h i n g a n d t a l k i n g 
A n d g l e a n i n g m y i d e a s 

A n d I t o o 
A m o p e n t o y o u 

F o r y o u h a v e m u c h 
T o t e a c h m e as w e l l 

S o let u s w o r k as o n e 
T h e o l d a n d t h e y o u n g 
A n d t a p o u t t h i s t i m e 

F o r a l l its w o r t h 
T o p l a y i n o n e o f 

T h e greatest s h o w s o h e a r t h 

T h e t h i r d b l o c k o f t h e d a y is m y b a n d class o f 43 g r a d e 8's. I h a v e s c h e d u l e d 

a test f o r t h i s b l o c k . I'm i n i t i a l l y i n t e r r u p t e d b y a v i s i t f r o m a p e r s o n f r o m f a c i l i t i e s . 

T h e c h i l d r e n set u p t h e i r i n s t r u m e n t s a n d f u r i o u s l y p r a c t i s e t h e test p i e c e w h i l e I 

s a y h e l l o t o C r a i g . I've k n o w n C r a i g f o r a n u m b e r o f y e a r s . C r a i g is a s m i l i n g , 

m i d d l e - a g e d t r a d e s m a n w h o is o f t e n a s s i g n e d r e p a i r a n d r e s t o r a t i o n j o b s at o u r 

s c h o o l . D u e t o c u t b a c k s , h e u s u a l l y d e l i v e r s m a i l a n d p a r c e l s f o r t h e s c h o o l d i s t r i c t , 

b u t t o d a y h e is b u s y m e a s u r i n g o u r w i n d o w s i n t h e m u s i c p o r t a b l e . H e w i l l b r i n g t o 

c l o s u r e a subject o f stress f o r m e . T w o y e a r s ago, o n e o f t h e n a r r o w m u s i c p o r t a b l e 

74 



w i n d o w s w a s b r o k e n b y t h i e v e s w h o p r o c e e d e d t o steal a n u m b e r o f i n s t r u m e n t s . 

A l t h o u g h f a c i l i t i e s i n s t a l l e d a m o t i o n s e n s o r t o c a p t u r e a n d d e t e r f u t u r e b r e a k - i n s , 

I a s k e d f o r s o m e s u b t l e w h i t e b a r s t o b e p l a c e d a c r o s s t h e w i n d o w s i n s u c h a w a y as 

t o b l o c k e n t r y . T h i s m e a s u r e is b e i n g i m p l e m e n t e d j u s t at t h e r i g h t t i m e as I h a v e 

h e a r d t h a t m u s i c r o o m s i n S u r r e y a n d B u r n a b y h a v e b e e n r o b b e d . 

A f t e r a n s w e r i n g C r a i g ' s d e s i g n q u e s t i o n s , I m o v e q u i c k l y t o start t h e c l a s s . I 

a m t h w a r t e d a g a i n as h a l f a d o z e n G r a d e 8 s t u d e n t s r u n u p t o m e . T h e y are a l l 

f i l l e d w i t h r e a s o n s w h y t h e y s h o u l d n ' t b e t e s t e d t o d a y . S o m e s e e m l e g i t i m a t e a n d 

h a v e b r o u g h t n o t e s f r o m h o m e . O t h e r s are l a c k i n g t h e d o c u m e n t a t i o n a n d ar e 

b e g g i n g f o r s p e c i a l t r e a t m e n t . T h i s is r e a l l y h a r d f o r m e . T o r e d u c e t h i s k i n d o f 

n e g o t i a t i o n , I p e r e n n i a l l y r e v i e w a h a n d - o u t e n t i t l e d " T e s t s a n d T e s t P r o t o c o l . " 

T h i s is t o m a k e a f l a w e d p r o c e s s as f a i r as p o s s i b l e . 

Tests and Test Protocol 

1. F I V E T O S E V E N D A Y S N O T I C E O F A T E S T W I L L B E G I V E N . 

2. T E S T S W I L L O N L Y B E O N M A T E R I A L S T U D I E D I N C L A S S . 

3. T E S T S A R E O U T O F 25 M A R K S A N D A R E B A S E D O N T H E P L A Y I N G O F 
C O R R E C T : 

N O T E S , 
R H Y T H M , 
A R T I C U L A T I O N , 
D Y N A M I C S , 
A N D T O N E , T U N I N G , P O S T U R E , A N D A P R O J E C T I O N O F T H E U N D E R L Y I N G 
E M O T I O N A L M E S S A G E I N T H E P I E C E , ( I E - T H E " S P I R I T " O F T H E P I E C E ) . 

4. I F Y O U W A N T H E L P O R A N O P I N I O N O N H O W Y O U W O U L D B E G R A D E D , 
P L E A S E A R R A N G E A M E E T I N G W I T H M R . T . N O L A T E R T H A N 4 8 H O U R S 
P R I O R T O T H E T E S T . M R . T . W O U L D B E H A P P Y T O A S S I S T Y O U ! 

5. Y O U M A Y H A V E T W O " T R Y S " I N A R O W A T T H E M A T E R I A L . 

75 



6. I F Y O U A R E S I C K , Y O U M U S T P R E S E N T A H A N D W R I T T E N N O T E F R O M 
Y O U R P A R E N T / G U A R D I A N . T H I S N O T E M U S T I N C L U D E A S I G N A T U R E A N D 
A P H O N E N U M B E R . M R . T W I L L P H O N E H O M E ! 

7. I F , F O R S O M E R E A S O N , Y O U A R E P R E S E N T , B U T A R E U N P R E P A R E D T O 
P L A Y T H E T E S T , ( E G - F O R G O T I N S T R U M E N T , F O R G O T M U S I C , F O R G O T 
R E E D S , C O R D S , E T C . O R A R E S U D D E N L Y F E E L I N G P O O R L Y ) , Y O U W I L L 
L O S E 5 M A R K S F O R E A C H C O N S E C U T I V E D A Y T H A T Y O U D O N O T P L A Y T H E 
T E S T . 

8. T H O S E I N D I V I D U A L S W H O " S K I P " T H E C L A S S O N T H E D A Y O F T H E T E S T , 
W I L L , I N A C C O R D A N C E W I T H S C H O O L P O L I C Y , R E C E I V E A N A U T O M A T I C 
" o " O N T H E Q U I Z . 

B E R E A D Y T O P L A Y O N T H E A S S I G N E D T E S T D A Y . P L E A S E D O N O T A S K F O R 
A T I M E E X T E N S I O N , O R A R E T E S T . I T ' S N O T F A I R T O T H E O T H E R S . 

R E M E M B E R - A N Y O N E W H O P R A C T I S E S 30 M I N U T E S A N I G H T , 5 D A Y S A 
W E E K W I L L H A V E L I T T L E T R O U B L E M A I N T A I N I N G A F I R S T C L A S S M A R K 
I N T H I S C O U R S E . 

G O O D L U C K ! M R . T . 

A s I r e v i e w t h i s l i s t , I a m s t r u c k at t h e n u m b e r o f i s s u e s a d d r e s s e d as w e l l as 

t h e g e n e r a l c o m p l e x i t y o f t h i s f o r m . It is r e a l l y t h e a n t i t h e s i s o f m y t e a c h i n g s t y l e . 

I n m y h a n d o u t s , I s t r i v e f o r c l a r i t y a n d s i m p l i c i t y . H e r e , I h a v e f a i l e d . I n fact, I a m 

r e m i n d e d o f a n e p i s o d e e n c a p s u l a t e d b y G a r y L a r s o n i n t h e " F a r S i d e " c a r t o o n s . I n 

t h i s p a r t i c u l a r c a r t o o n , a n o l d , e x p e r i e n c e d e l e m e n t a r y s c h o o l t e a c h e r h a s w r i t t e n 

o n t h e b o a r d a l i s t o f d o ' s a n d d o n ' t s - m u c h l i k e t h i s o n e . I n t h e c a r t o o n , t h e l i s t is 

e n d l e s s a n d a b s o l u t e l y r i d i c u l o u s i n d e t a i l . It is a n e x t r e m e l y f u n n y a n d a b s u r d 

c a r t o o n w h o s e p o t e n c y is d e r i v e d f r o m s o m e c o n n e c t i o n t o t h e t r u t h . O v e r t h e 

y e a r s o f t e a c h i n g , t h e o l d t e a c h e r h a s h e a r d j u s t a b o u t every excuse a n d w i t n e s s e d 

j u s t a b o u t every p o s s i b l e s l i p i n b e h a v i o r . T h e r i d i c u l o u s l i s t is h e r a t t e m p t at class 

c o n t r o l . 

76 



M y h a n d o u t h a s t h e sense o f a l e g a l d o c u m e n t . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , I h a v e f o u n d 

t h a t at every test, the G r a d e 8's h a v e a r a s h o f s i c k n e s s ( a l t h o u g h t h e y are w e l l 

e n o u g h t o a t t e n d s c h o o l ) a n d a n e p i d e m i c o f f o r g e t f u l n e s s . W h a t is e v e n m o r e 

f r u s t r a t i n g is t h a t t h e s t u d e n t s w i l l a g g r e s s i v e l y a r g u e f o r t h e i r " r i g h t " t o n o t b e 

t e s t e d . S o , i n o r d e r t o p r o t e c t m y s e l f f r o m b e i n g a c c u s e d o f b e i n g u n f a i r , I h a v e 

c o n s t r u c t e d t h i s p r o t o c o l . T h i s c l a r i f i e s t h e " r u l e s " a r o u n d t e s t i n g . I n e v e r s p r i n g 

tests o n t h e m . I e n c o u r a g e s t u d e n t s t o see m e t o p r e p f o r t h e tests. I t a l k a b o u t 

w h a t I a m m a r k i n g o n i n great d e t a i l w i t h v o l u n t e e r s p l a y i n g a m o c k test. C h i l d r e n 

c a n b e e x c u s e d f r o m tests, b u t a n o t e m u s t a c c o m p a n y it. F i n a l l y , I u s e a n 

a u d i o t a p e t o r e c o r d t h e test d a y s so t h a t I c a n e x p l a i n i n d e t a i l t o u p s e t s t u d e n t s 

a n d p a r e n t s t h e areas o f c o m p e t e n c e a n d t h e areas t h a t n e e d m o r e w o r k . 

H a v i n g s a i d a l l t h i s , m o s t o f t h e s t u d e n t s receive f i r s t class m a r k s i n m y 

b a n d c l a s s e s . B y g r a d e 9, m o s t s t u d e n t s c a n guess w i t h i n h a l f a m a r k , w h a t a n y 

s t u d e n t p e r f o r m a n c e w i l l b e w o r t h . 

I u s e t h i s s y s t e m f o r e v e r y c l a s s , w i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n o f t h e R & B c l a s s . I n t h i s 

s e n i o r c l a s s , I a l l o w t h e c h i l d r e n t o c o n t r i b u t e t o t h e f i n a l g r a d e t h r o u g h p e e r -

e v a l u a t i o n . P e e r s d e t e r m i n e t w o m a r k s - a n effort m a r k a n d a s k i l l s o r r e s u l t - b a s e d 

m a r k f o r every s t u d e n t i n t h e c l a s s . I d o t h e s a m e f o r e a c h s t u d e n t . T h e p e e r -

assessed m a r k s are a v e r a g e d o u t so I e n d u p w i t h a class p e r s p e c t i v e o f e a c h 

s t u d e n t ' s effort a n d a r e s u l t s m a r k . T h e s e t w o m a r k s are a d d e d t o g e t h e r w i t h m y 

a s s e s s m e n t o f e a c h s t u d e n t ' s effort a n d r e s u l t s m a r k . T h e average o f t h e s e f o u r 

m a r k s gives m e a f i n a l m a r k f o r t h e i r r e p o r t c a r d s . I n u s i n g t h i s s y s t e m , I 

a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t it w e i g h s h e a v i l y o n effort. B u t I w a n t t h e s t u d e n t s t o t a k e t h e 

r i s k s n e e d e d t o m e e t t h e c h a l l e n g e s o f t h e c o u r s e a n d c o n s e q u e n t l y g r o w as 

77 



m u s i c i a n s . L e a r n i n g t o p l a y b y ear is a v e r y u n n e r v i n g p r o s p e c t f o r m a n y s t u d e n t s . 

I b e l i e v e as a m u s i c e d u c a t o r t h a t children must move from being "paper" 

dependent to becoming explorers of sound who are open to other systems of 

learning music. T h i s i s h o w m u s i c o r i g i n a l l y a n d o r g a n i c a l l y c a m e t o b e a n d s t i l l i s 

t h e m o d u s o p e r a n d i f o r a l o t o f t h e w o r l d . 

T h e class e n d s a n d it is l u n c h t i m e . I c o l l e c t m y l u n c h f r o m m y office a n d 

start t o m a k e m y w a y t o t h e staff r o o m . A s I o p e n m y d o o r t o l e a v e m y office, m y 

eye c a t c h e s s o m e o f m y o w n g r a f f i t i . T h e c h i l d r e n c a n ' t see it, b u t I c a n ' t m i s s it 

w h e n e v e r I l e a v e m y office. A t t h e t o p o f t h e d o o r , s c r a w l e d i n b l a c k m a r k e r i s 

"Learning should be fun!" T h i s s i m p l e p h r a s e e l o q u e n t l y d e s c r i b e s t h e p i v o t a l 

c o n c e p t o f m y t e a c h i n g p h i l o s o p h y . I b e l i e v e t h a t c h i l d r e n l e a r n faster a n d r e t a i n 

m o r e w h e n t h e r e is j o y a n d p a s s i o n a t t a c h e d t o t h e l e s s o n - r e g a r d l e s s o f t h e 

c o n t e n t . I m p l i c i t i n t h a t s t a t e m e n t i s t h a t t h e r e i s a n u n d e r l y i n g r h y t h m a n d 

m o m e n t u m t o a n y g o o d t e a c h i n g . I b e l i e v e t h a t e v e n s o m e o f t h e d r i e s t t o p i c s c a n 

b e r e - f o r m a t t e d t o b e d e l i v e r e d i n m o r e m e a n i n g f u l w a y s t o c h i l d r e n . 

A s m y eyes s c a n d o w n w a r d o n t h e d o o r , t h e n e x t s c r a w l c o m e s i n t o v i e w . It 

r e a d s : "Act neutral on the obvious."This c r y p t i c message i s w r i t t e n t o h e l p m e k e e p 

p r o f e s s i o n a l at p o i n t s w h e n I c o u l d l o s e it. O n e o f t h e w a y s I c a n l o s e m y 

p r o f e s s i o n a l edge i s b y a s s u m i n g e x p e c t a t i o n s o f b e h a v i o r s t h a t I h a v e n o t 

a d d r e s s e d i n class. S o m e t i m e s i n t h e past I w o u l d f i n d m y s e l f s u r p r i s e d at acts o f 

t o t a l l y i n a p p r o p r i a t e b e h a v i o r o r t h e l a c k o f t h e m o s t f u n d a m e n t a l s o c i a l s k i l l s o f 

c e r t a i n s t u d e n t s . I w o u l d f i n d m y s e l f w a n t i n g t o r e s p o n d t o these o b v i o u s l y 

i n a p p r o p r i a t e a c t i o n s b y s a y i n g , " Y o u s h o u l d k n o w better...." N o w , i n t h e 2 1 s t 

C e n t u r y , w i t h a d i v e r s e m u l t i - c u l t u r a l c l i e n t e l e t h a t o f t e n c o m e f r o m c o m p r o m i s e d 

78 



f a m i l y s i t u a t i o n s , I t e n d t o act i n a v e r y n e u t r a l m a n n e r t o e v e n t h e m o s t 

o u t l a n d i s h acts o f i n a p p r o p r i a t e n e s s a n d c a l m l y e x p l a i n o u r s c h o o l ' s e x p e c t a t i o n s — 

h e n c e , " A c t n e u t r a l o n t h e o b v i o u s . " 

A s I a m l e a v i n g m y office, t w o s t u d e n t s e n t e r t o ask a q u e s t i o n . A s t h e y 

l e a v e , t h e y s p o t o l d p r o m o p h o t o s o f t h e b a n d s t h a t I p l a y e d w i t h i n m y 

p r o f e s s i o n a l d a y s . T h e y l a u g h c r a z i l y w h e n t h e y f i n d m e w i t h l o n g h a i r a n d r o c k 

attire. T h e e x p e r i e n c e o f p r o f e s s i o n a l p l a y i n g h a s b e e n a n i n v a l u a b l e t o o l i n m y 

a r s e n a l o f t e a c h i n g strategies. 

M y e n t i r e m u s i c a l c a r e e r h a s b e e n a h y b r i d affair. A l t h o u g h I h e a r d a l o t o f 

m u s i c at o u r h o u s e w h e n I w a s g r o w i n g u p , I w a s n o t m o t i v a t e d t o l e a r n m u s i c 

u n t i l t h e B e a t l e s h i t t h e a i r w a v e s . T h i s l e d t o a 2 0 - y e a r j o u r n e y i n t o r o c k , b l u e s , 

R & B a n d p o p m u s i c . W h e n I c a m e o u t o f p r o f e s s i o n a l p l a y i n g t o a t t e n d U B C ' s 

s c h o o l o f m u s i c , I e n d e d u p w i t h a degree i n c l a s s i c a l m u s i c . A s I w a s u n f a m i l i a r 

w i t h t h i s g e n r e , I m a j o r e d i n m u s i e o l o g y s o t h a t I c o u l d g a i n a w i d e h i s t o r i c a l 

p e r s p e c t i v e . N o w I a m v e r y t a k e n w i t h j a z z m u s i c a n d I a m s t u d y i n g it at h o m e . I 

h a v e t a k e n these v a r i o u s genres a n d m o l d e d a t h r e e - w a y s y s t e m f o r m y t e a c h i n g . I 

t e a c h c l a s s i c a l m u s i c , j a z z a n d R & B . A n d s o , after t h e j u n i o r y e a r s o f g e n e r i c s k i l l 

b u i l d i n g , grade 1 0 s t u d e n t s a u d i t i o n f o r t h e o r c h e s t r a c l a s s , t h e v a r i o u s j a z z 

e n s e m b l e s o r t h e R & B c l a s s . 

M y s t u d e n t t e a c h e r a n d I h e a d u p t o t h e c a f e t e r i a . W e h a v e a b o u t 2 5 

m i n u t e s t o eat b e f o r e w e m u s t d r i v e t o o u r f i r s t feeder s c h o o l . I t r e m e n d o u s l y e n j o y 

m y p r e c i o u s t i m e w i t h t h e staff u p s t a i r s . It is " a d u l t " t i m e i n a d a y s a t u r a t e d w i t h 

y o u n g s t e r s . T h e r e is a w o n d e r f u l a r r a y o f c h a r a c t e r s at t h e t a b l e . K r i s t y is t h e 

l i b r a r i a n a n d R o b e r t teaches E n g l i s h . H a r r y u s e d t o b e a n e d i t o r a n d b o o k 

79 



p u b l i s h e r i n a n o t h e r l i f e . D o u g is w o r k i n g p a r t - t i m e as a c h e m i s t r y t e a c h e r so t h a t 

h e c a n c o m p l e t e h i s m a s t e r s ' degree at R o y a l R h o d e s . R i g h t n o w , I l i k e t o sit n e x t 

t o B r i a n , o u r d r a m a t e a c h e r . H e a n d I are g o i n g t h r o u g h a t e a c h i n g r i t e o f p a s s a g e -

t h e " h i g h s c h o o l m u s i c a l " a n d w e n e e d t o b e c l o s e f o r o u r o w n p r e s e r v a t i o n . 

A t t e m p t i n g t o m o u n t a p r o f e s s i o n a l B r o a d w a y m u s i c a l t h a t w a s n o t 

d e s i g n e d i n a n y w a y f o r h i g h s c h o o l o r a m a t e u r a c t o r s , m u s i c i a n s , o r t e c h n i c i a n s is 

p o t e n t i a l l y a n e x t r e m e l y s t r e s s f u l s i t u a t i o n . It is f i n a n c i a l l y s t r e s s f u l a n d 

p e d a g o g i c a l l y s t r e s s f u l . I n fact, o n e c o u l d l a u n c h a n a r g u m e n t t h a t it is a v e r y 

u n s o u n d a c t i v i t y f o r a n y m u s i c s t u d e n t t o a t t e m p t . 

S o m e s c h o o l s , h o w e v e r , h a v e l o n g - s t a n d i n g t r a d i t i o n s o f h i g h s c h o o l 

m u s i c a l s . M y s c h o o l h a s b e e n p r o d u c i n g t h e m s i n c e it o p e n e d i n t h e e a r l y 1 9 6 0 ' s . 

W h e n I s t a r t e d i n 1 9 8 8 , w e p r o d u c e d f o u r m u s i c a l s i n f o u r y e a r s . A f t e r t h a t , I 

s u c c e s s f u l l y a r g u e d t o h a v e a m u s i c a l e v e r y o t h e r y e a r a n d a b a n d t r i p o n t h e off 

y e a r s . A l t h o u g h t h e m u s i c a l s are a great e x p e r i e n c e f o r t h o s e o n stage^ it is a l o t o f 

u n r e w a r d i n g w o r k f o r t h e p i t m u s i c i a n s . S t u d e n t s s p e n d u n t o l d h o u r s s t r u g g l i n g 

w i t h p a r t s t h a t r e q u i r e e x a c t i n g a n d e x p e r t r e a d i n g s k i l l s . O f t e n , t h e b r a s s p a r t s 

r e q u i r e p l a y e r s w i t h e x c e e d i n g l y h i g h r a n g e . A r i d a n i r r i t a t i n g f e a t u r e f o r a m a t e u r s 

is t h e c o n s t a n t t r a n s p o s i t i o n s o f s o n g s i n t o v e r y d i f f i c u l t k e y s i g n a t u r e s . T h e m u s i c 

is l e a s e d t o u s o n a m o n t h - t o - m o n t h b a s i s . It is e x p e n s i v e t o lease a n d so w e w i l l 

h a v e h a d access t o t h e m u s i c f o r a b o u t 3 m o n t h s , p r i o r t o s h o w t i m e . 

A t least i n t h e o r i g i n a l s h o w s , t h e m u s i c i a n s w e r e w e l l p a i d f o r t h e i r efforts. 

M a n y N e w Y o r k p r o s s p e n t t h e i r careers i n t h e c a v e r n o u s h o l e s o f t h e B r o a d w a y 

t h e a t r e s . I n l i e u o f m o n e y , B r i a n a n d I h a v e c r e a t e d o t h e r " w i n s " f o r t h e m u s i c 

s t u d e n t s . W e p u t t h e m u p o n stage. W i t h t h i s a p p r o a c h , f r i e n d s a n d p a r e n t s c a n 

80 



see t h e b a n d s t u d e n t s . T h e m u s i c i a n s are a l s o f e a t u r e d w i t h i n d i v i d u a l p i c t u r e s a n d 

w r i t e - u p s i n t h e p r o g r a m m e . T h r o u g h these m e a n s , t h e s t u d e n t m u s i c i a n s f e e l 

m u c h m o r e i n c l u d e d i n t h e p r o d u c t i o n . 

T h i s y e a r , w e are p r o d u c i n g " S o u t h P a c i f i c " O n e o f m y strategies f o r 

i m p r o v i n g t h e b a n d ' s p e r f o r m a n c e a n d h e l p i n g t h e d a n c e r s a n d s i n g e r s is t o r e c o r d 

t h e i n s t r u m e n t a l p a r t s o f t h e m u s i c as s o o n as t h e b a n d c a n get t h r o u g h it. I j u s t 

f i n i s h e d r e c o r d i n g t h e b a n d . N o w t h e s i n g e r s w i l l h a v e " b e d " t r a c k s t o s i n g a n d 

p r a c t i s e w i t h a n d t h e d a n c e r s w i l l b e a b l e t o a d j u s t t o t h e b a n d t e m p o s a n d 

i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f t h e m u s i c . T h e m u s i c i a n s a n d I w i l l c r i t i c a l l y r e v i e w t h e r e c o r d i n g 

a n d w o r k t o f i x p r o b l e m s . If t i m e p e r m i t s , w e w i l l d o a s e c o n d r u n o f r e c o r d i n g . 

P r i o r t o t h a t , o n S p r i n g B r e a k , I w i l l r e c o r d t h e s i n g e r s so t h a t t h e y m a y h a v e a 

g o o d m i r r o r o f t h e i r p e r f o r m a n c e t o a n a l y z e 

I r e h e a r s e t h e m u s i c a l o r c h e s t r a u n t i l it h a s a c t u a l l y t r a n s c e n d s w h a t w e 

t h o u g h t w e c o u l d a c h i e v e . O n t h e l a s t w e e k o f r e h e a r s a l s , I m a k e s u r e t h a t e v e r y o n e 

h a s t h e s p e a k i n g cues f o r s t a r t i n g e a c h m u s i c a l p a r t w r i t t e n i n t h e i r m u s i c . T h e n I 

ask a b a n d m e m b e r ( u s u a l l y t h e d r u m m e r ) , t o c o u n t i n t h e c u e s . W i t h t h e 

d r u m m e r s t a r t i n g e a c h n u m b e r , I h a v e l i t e r a l l y h a n d e d o v e r t h e m u s i c a l t o t h e 

s t u d e n t s . N o w t h e r e is n o rteed f o r a c o n d u c t o r . I f i n d t h a t t h i s f i n a l step h a s s o m e 

r i s k s , b u t b y p u l l i n g t h e t e a c h e r out o f t h e e q u a t i o n , t h e m a t u r i t y o f t h e b a n d 

m e m b e r s b l o o m s l i k e t u l i p s o n a s p r i n g day. 

S e n i o r s t u d e n t s c r a v e a c h a n c e t o l e a d b y t h e m s e l v e s . A n d s u c c e s s f u l r i s k 

t a k i n g i n l e a d e r s h i p at t h i s age, I b e l i e v e , c a n b e a l i f e - a l t e r i n g e x p e r i e n c e . I j u s t 

stack t h e d e c k a b i t , as I t r a i n t h e o r c h e s t r a so t h o r o u g h l y , t h a t t h e y a u t o m a t i c a l l y 

p l a y e v e r y t h i n g w i t h m y exact i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f t h e m u s i c . S t i l l , t h e r i s k s a n d 

81 



r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s t o c o m e i n c o r r e c t l y a n d o n t i m e are s t i l l r e a l . A n d a l t h o u g h I a m i n 

t h e t h e a t r e , I a m n o t w i t h i n easy f o r a n y c r i s i s as I a m u s u a l l y m i x i n g t h e b a n d o n 

t h e s o u n d b o a r d at t h e f r o n t o f t h e h a l l . 

O u r l a s t p r o d u c t i o n step w i l l b e k n i t t i n g t h e m u s i c i a n s , a c t o r s , d a n c e r s , 

s i n g e r s a n d t e c h n i c i a n s i n t o o n e p r e s e n t a b l e p r o d u c t . T h i s is c a l l e d " r u n n i n g t h e 

m u s i c a l . " W h e n y o u r u n a m u s i c a l , c e r t a i n e n e r g y a n d r h y t h m e m a n a t e s f r o m t h e 

a m a l g a m o f t h e v a r i o u s p a r t s . T h i s f l o w a n d f o c u s w i l l m a k e o r d e s t r o y a m u s i c a l . 

D r o p s i n p a c i n g a n d e m o t i o n j u s t create a n o t h e r " b a d " s c h o o l m u s i c a l t h a t 

e v e r y b o d y p o l i t e l y suffers t h r o u g h . G r e a t f l o w a n d e n e r g y c a n t a k e t h e m u s i c a l 

b e y o n d t h e e x p e c t a t i o n s o f a n y h i g h s c h o o l p r o d u c t i o n . 

A n d so B r i a n a n d I e n d u p t a l k i n g a b o u t d e t a i l s o f t h e m u s i c a l b e f o r e K e r r y 

a n d I h u r r y t o t h e c a r t o get t o o u r feeder s c h o o l . T o d a y , w e t e a c h t h e a f t e r n o o n 

b l o c k at E c o l e P a u l J o n e s . T h i s is o n e o f t h r e e f e e d e r s c h o o l s t h a t I s e r v i c e i n t h e 

a f t e r n o o n b l o c k . W h e n I i n i t i a l l y s t a r t e d w o r k i n g t h i s j o b , S e a V i e w , 1 w a s a g r a d e 

7-12 s c h o o l . U n l i k e m a n y o t h e r d i s t r i c t s , t h e r e w a s n o w i l l t o s u p p o r t b a n d 

p r o g r a m s at a n e l e m e n t a r y l e v e l . S o , b e g i n n i n g b a n d w a s t a u g h t at G r a d e 7 i n S e a 

V i e w , A p p r o x i m a t e l y 6 years ago, t h e d i s t r i c t r e m o v e d t h e g r a d e 7's f r o m t h e h i g h 

s c h o o l a n d p u t t h e m b a c k i n t o t h e e l e m e n t a r y s c h o o l s . I w a s v e r y c o n c e r n e d a b o u t 

t h e f u t u r e o f t h e m u s i c p r o g r a m at S e a V i e w . I b e l i e v e t h a t s t u d e n t s n e e d t o start 

l e a r n i n g a m u s i c a l i n s t r u m e n t b e f o r e p u b e r t y . C o n s e q u e n t l y , I h a v e b e e n d r i v i n g t o 

t h e f e e d e r s c h o o l s ever s i n c e t h i s c h a n g e . It is t i r i n g b e i n g i t i n e r a n t after a l l t h e s e 

y e a r s , b u t I h a v e l e a r n e d , i n m y d i s t r i c t , t h a t i f I d o n ' t l o o k after a n d l o b b y f o r m y 

p r o g r a m , it w i l l q u i c k l y d i s a p p e a r . 

82 



T h e b e g i n n e r b a n d classes are t h e m o s t c h a l l e n g i n g p a r t o f t h e d a y . T h e y 

d e m a n d e n e r g y , o r g a n i z a t i o n a n d i n f i n i t e p a t i e n c e . I m u s t c o n t r o l t h e c l a s s , b u t at 

t h e s a m e t i m e o p t i m i z e t h e f u n so t h a t t h e c h i l d r e n w i l l sense v a l u e i n l e a r n i n g a n 

i n s t r u m e n t a n d c h o o s e t o c a r r y o n t o s t u d y it at h i g h s c h o o l . M y classes are v e r y 

h i g h p a c e d . I n J a n u a r y , I start t e a c h i n g t h e m r o c k a n d r o l l c l a s s i c s f r o m t h e ' 5 0 ' s . 

T h e k i d s l o v e s o n g s l i k e " L a B a m b a , " " T e q u i l a " a n d " T h e L o c o m o t i o n . " If I c a n get 

t h e k i d s t o " r o c k " I u s u a l l y c a n expect a g o o d n u m b e r t o c o n t i n u e i n G r a d e 8 at S e a 

V i e w . 

A t 3 : 0 0 o ' c l o c k I h a v e a b o u t 15 m i n u t e s d o w n t i m e b e f o r e I start m y after-

s c h o o l j a z z i m p r o v i s a t i o n e n s e m b l e s . I h a v e a j u n i o r a n d a s e n i o r e n s e m b l e . I r u n 

these after s c h o o l b a n d s as e n r i c h e d p r o g r a m s f o r g i f t e d l e a r n e r s . M y a p p r o a c h t o 

m a x i m i z i n g t h e l e a r n i n g success o f m y p r o g r a m is as f o l l o w s : 

1. T h e b u l k o f t h e s t u d e n t s l e a r n i n t h e c l a s s r o o m s e t t i n g . I pace m y y e a r l y 
o u t c o m e s o n t h e l e a r n i n g r h y t h m s o f e a c h class so t h a t t h e b u l k o f t h e s t u d e n t s 
s u c c e e d t o a c h i e v e m y d e f i n e d o u t c o m e s . 

2. C h i l d r e n w h o c a n n o t m e e t t h e r h y t h m o f t h e c l a s s l e a r n i n g are i n v i t e d f o r 
c o n t i n u e d b e f o r e - s c h o o l p r i v a t e h e l p f r o m m e . 

3 . S t u d e n t s w h o c l e a r l y n e e d c h a l l e n g e b e y o n d t h e c l a s s r o o m are i n v i t e d t o 
m e e t t h e c h a l l e n g e o f l e a r n i n g j a z z i m p r o v i s a t i o n i n a n e x t r a - c u r r i c u l a r s e t t i n g 
w i t h o t h e r g i f t e d s t u d e n t s . 

A n d s o , t h r o u g h these b e f o r e a n d after s c h o o l s e s s i o n s , I feel t h a t I've m a d e 

s o m e i m p r o v e m e n t o n t h e b u l k l e a r n i n g f o r m u l a o f p u b l i c e d u c a t i o n . A l t h o u g h I 

d o n ' t get p a i d f o r these s e r v i c e s , I sleep b e t t e r at n i g h t k n o w i n g t h a t t h e r e i s 

o p p o r t u n i t y f o r m y s t u d e n t s t o e i t h e r c a t c h u p o r b e c h a l l e n g e d t h r o u g h m u s i c 

p r o g r a m . 

83 



T h e j u n i o r a n d s e n i o r a f t e r - s c h o o l j a z z e n s e m b l e s are t r e m e n d o u s l y 

r e w a r d i n g f o r m e . I l o v e t e a c h i n g at a n " a d v a n c e d " l e v e l . T h e s e s t u d e n t s r e c e i v e 

college l e v e l t h e o r y . It i s r e a l l y n i c e t o b e t e a c h i n g a n d p l a y i n g w i t h o u t t h e i s s u e s o f 

d i s c i p l i n e . T h e s e n i o r j a z z e n s e m b l e w i t h its h a r d b o p a n d " K i n d o f B l u e " r e p e r t o i r e 

h a s b e c o m e a f a v o r i t e i n o u r d i s t r i c t f o r r e c e p t i o n s a n d g a t h e r i n g s t h a t r e q u i r e 

m u s i c t h a t creates a p l e a s a n t a m b i e n c e . 

T h e s e e n s e m b l e s t a k e u p m y a f t e r - s c h o o l t i m e f o r t w o d a y s a w e e k . O n o t h e r 

d a y s , after s c h o o l , I a t t e n d M a s t e r ' s c l a s s e s , r e h e a r s e f o r t h i s y e a r ' s m u s i c a l , o r 

w o r k o n o u r y e a r l y b a n d t r i p . 

T h i s e n d s t h e day. M y h e a d s w i m s f r o m m u l t i - t a s k i n g . T h e s u n i s s e t t i n g 

a n d I'm o f f f o r t h e f i n a l l e g o f m y w o r k d a y , t h e 5 0 - k i l o m e t e r b a t t l e h o m e . 

S o o n I'll b e : 

D e e p i n t h e g r i d a n d l o c k o f 9 t o 5 
E a t i n g t h e f u m e s a n d c u r s i n g b u f f o o n s 

I n a p a n i c t o get o f f t h e t a r 
F o r d o m e s t i c abyss i n m y l i t t l e h o u s e i n t h e s u b 

W i t h its 7 0 ' s b i g e n g i n e t i m e w a r p a n d 
N e i g h b o r s w h o are w h i t e - r i g h t o f A r n o l d . . . 

. . . a n d I w i l l start t h e n e x t p a r t o f m y d a y - t h e o n e w i t h m y f a m i l y . I l e a v e m y 

w o r k at w o r k u n t i l I r e t u r n o n c e a g a i n i n t h e p r e - d a w n h o u r s t o d e s c e n d t h e l o n g 

g y m b l e a c h e r s t a i r s a n d start a n o t h e r d a y . 

A Trilogy of Developmental Stories 

The Story of "The Blues Brothers—a Musical" 

C h a r l i e P h i l l i p s a n d I h a d p l a y e d t o g e t h e r i n a l o t o f b a n d s w h e n w e w e r e 

m u c h y o u n g e r . N o w , as p r o f e s s i o n a l e d u c a t o r s , w e w e r e o n c e a g a i n w o r k i n g as a 

t e a m . T h i s t i m e it w a s i n t h e r o l e s o f m u s i c t e a c h e r a n d d r a m a t e a c h e r . 

84 



I h a d a l r e a d y b e e n t e a c h i n g m u s i c at Sea V i e w f o r f i v e y e a r s p r i o r t o C h a r l i e 

b e c o m i n g t h e d r a m a t e a c h e r . D u r i n g t h i s t e n u r e , I h a d e s t a b l i s h e d m y s e l f i n m y 

r o l e a n d m y p e r s o n a l p r i o r i t i e s , i n t e r e s t s a n d p a s s i o n s w e r e s t a r t i n g t o s u r f a c e i n 

t h e p r o g r a m . 

O n e t r a d i t i o n t h a t I h a d t o d e a l w i t h w a s a c o m m u n i t y e x p e c t a t i o n f o r a 

m u s i c a l . I w a s n o t v e r y k e e n o n m u s i c a l s , b u t as a n e w t e a c h e r , I w a s q u i t e 

c o n c e r n e d w i t h l o c a l p o l i t i c s a n d p o l i c i e s . C o n s e q u e n t l y , I h a d , i n p a r t n e r s h i p w i t h 

t h e p r e v i o u s d r a m a t e a c h e r s , p r o d u c e d " F i d d l e r o n t h e R o o f , " " T h e S o u n d o f 

M u s i c , " " G r e a s e " a n d " B y e - b y e B i r d i e . " 

W i t h C h a r l i e t a k i n g o n t h e p o s i t i o n o f d r a m a t e a c h e r , I k n e w t h a t I w o u l d 

h a v e t o b e c o m e i n v e n t i v e i n m y a p p r o a c h t o t h e m u s i c a l . C h a r l i e w a s a m o d e r n 

v i s i o n a r y w h o p o s s e s s e d O l y m p i a n e n e r g y a n d d e d i c a t i o n t o h i s j o b . I k n e w t h a t h e 

h a d n o t i m e f o r " o l d " B r o a d w a y m u s i c a l s t h a t t e n d e d t o r e p r e s e n t v a l u e s a n d 

s e n t i m e n t s o f t h e past. I a l s o k n e w t h a t C h a r l i e w a s c r a z y a b o u t R h y t h m a n d B l u e s -

u r b a n A f r o - A m e r i c a n s o u l m u s i c f r o m t h e 1 9 6 0 ' s - so m u c h s o , t h a t I h a d c o n n e c t e d 

h i m w i t h a " B l u e s B r o t h e r s " t r i b u t e b a n d . C h a r l i e l o v e d t o p e r f o r m o n h i s 

H a m m o n d B3 o r g a n w i t h a b a n d t h a t p a r o d i e d t h e c o m e d i e s t o r y o f t h e m o v i e t h a t 

s t a r e d J o h n B e l o u s h i a n d D a n A c k r o y d . 

" H o w a b o u t c r e a t i n g " T h e B l u e s B r o t h e r s — a _ M u s i c a l , " I s u g g e s t e d , p u t t i n g 

i n t o m y v o i c e a p o s i t i v e s p i n . " W e c o u l d w r i t e o u r o w n s c r i p t o v e r a b a c k g r o u n d o f 

f a m o u s R & B s o n g s . W h y , y o u c o u l d e v e n p l a y t h e B3 i n t h e m u s i c a l ! " T h e c r e a t i v e 

p o t e n t i a l o f t h i s s i t u a t i o n w a s w a y t o o great f o r a c h a m p i o n e d u c a t o r l i k e C h a r l i e t o 

p a s s o n . 

85 



"I w a n t t o a d d J o h n P e p p a r d t o t h e t e a m , " h e s a i d . J o h n w a s a y o u n g S o c i a l 

S t u d i e s t e a c h e r at t h e s c h o o l . J o h n l o v e d C h a r l i e ' s e n e r g y a n d v i s i o n a n d t r i e d t o 

m o d e l h i s style after C h a r l i e . " J o h n h a s b e e n t a k i n g c o u r s e s o n h o w t o w r i t e s c r e e n 

p l a y s f o r T e l e v i s i o n , " C h a r l i e c o n t i n u e d . "I w i l l w o r k w i t h h i m o n t h e s c r i p t . I w i l l 

a l s o b e t h e p r o d u c e r a n d set d e s i g n e r . M i c h a e l , y o u , o f c o u r s e , w i l l b e t h e m u s i c 

d i r e c t o r . " 

C r e a t i n g t h e m u s i c a l w o u l d b e c h a l l e n g i n g . U s u a l l y t h e s o n g w r i t e r s a n d 

l y r i c i s t s c o m p o s e s o n g s t h a t are g e n e r a t e d f r o m a l i b r e t t o o r text. T h e p u r p o s e s o f 

t h e s o n g s are m a n y . F o r e x a m p l e , t h e s o n g s c a n d e s c r i b e w h a t h a s p a s s e d i n t h e 

a c t i o n o r w h a t e m o t i o n s t h e s i n g e r o r t h e g r o u p is e x p e r i e n c i n g . S o n g s c a n a l s o 

m o v e t h e p l o t f o r w a r d b y d e t a i l i n g w h a t w i l l h a p p e n next. W e h a d a u n i q u e 

s i t u a t i o n i n t h a t t h e s o n g s a n d t h e i r l y r i c s t o r i e s w e r e a l r e a d y c o m p o s e d . 

F u r t h e r m o r e , t h e r e w a s n o i n t e n t i o n a l t h e m a t i c l i n k a g e b e t w e e n t h e s e R & B h i t s . 

O u r f i r s t step w a s t o c o m p i l e a n u m b e r o f o u t s t a n d i n g R & B h i t s . I d u g 

t h o u g h m y C D ' s a n d c o n s t r u c t e d a n a n t h o l o g y t h a t i n c l u d e d a r t i s t s l i k e W i l s o n 

P i c k e t t , S a m a n d D a v e , A r e t h a F r a n k l i n , J a m e s B r o w n , S m o k e y R o b i n s o n , T h e 

F o u r T o p s , t o n a m e a f e w . J o h n t o o k t h i s c o l l e c t i o n a n d n o t a t e d t h e t h e m e s o f t h e 

l y r i c s f o r e a c h s o n g . T h e n , b y l u c k a n d c r e a t i v i t y , h e w a s a b l e t o see a p o t e n t i a l 

" c o h e r e n c e " i n a n u m b e r o f t h e s o n g s . T o h i s c r e d i t , J o h n , w i t h C h a r l i e ' s s u p p o r t , 

c o n s t r u c t e d a f i n e l i b r e t t o . T h e s t o r y e n d e d u p b e i n g s t r o n g i n itself, w i t h n o 

c o n n e c t i o n , except i n n a m e t o t h e o r i g i n a l " B l u e s B r o t h e r s " m o v i e s c r i p t . 

O n c e J o h n h a d n a r r o w e d d o w n t h e l i s t t o t h o s e s o n g s t h a t w o u l d b e i n t h e 

m u s i c a l , it w a s m y j o b t o t r a n s c r i b e a l l t h e p a r t s o f a l l t h e s o n g s a n d t h e n t e a c h 

t h e m t o m y stage b a n d . T h i s r e p r e s e n t e d a l o t o f w o r k . F o r t u n a t e l y , I h a d a s t u d e n t 

86 



t e a c h e r . I r e c a l l c o u n t l e s s h o u r s i n m y s c h o o l office t r a n s c r i b i n g . I u s e d 

h e a d p h o n e s as I f o u g h t t o b l o c k o u t t h e s o u n d s o f t h e classes w h i l e t h e s t u d e n t 

t e a c h e r t a u g h t . T h e p a r t s w e r e a l l h a n d w r i t t e n . 

A s I f i n i s h e d e a c h s o n g , I w o u l d t h e n p r o c e e d t o t e a c h t h e m t o m y s e n i o r 

stage b a n d c l a s s . T h e class s e e m e d v e r y i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e m a t e r i a l a n d it w a s a n 

easy fit f o r t h e i n s t r u m e n t a t i o n as m o s t R & B r e c o r d s u s e h o r n s as w e l l as g u i t a r , 

d r u m s , b a s s a n d k e y b o a r d s . 

W e h a d s o m e r e a l " f i n d s " i n o u r c a s t i n g . A l t h o u g h w e t h o u g h t w e k n e w a l l 

t h e a c t o r / s i n g e r s i n t h e s c h o o l , w e w e r e d e l i g h t e d t o d i s c o v e r a y o u n g l e a d i n g m a n , 

J a m e s O l e n . J a m e s w a s a f o o t b a l l p l a y e r , w h o h a d n o t w o r k e d w i t h t h e f i n e a r t s 

d e p a r t m e n t . T h e r e w e r e t h r e e c o m p o n e n t s t o t h e c a s t i n g c a l l s . T h e f i r s t c o m p o n e n t 

w a s a d r a m a t i c r e a d i n g . T h e s e c o n d c o m p o n e n t w a s a d a n c e n u m b e r . F i n a l l y , t h e 

s t u d e n t h a d t o s i n g a s o n g . W e w e r e s h o c k e d t o d i s c o v e r t h a t J a m e s s o u n d e d 

e x a c t l y l i k e t h e y o u n g m a l e s i n g e r w h o s t a r e d i n t h e R & B m o v i e " T h e 

C o m m i t m e n t s . " W e p a i r e d u p J a m e s w i t h a n o t h e r s t r o n g s i n g e r , L u k e G o o d a l l . T h e 

t w o m a d e a m a g i c a l t e a m . O t h e r c h a r a c t e r s q u i c k l y f e l l i n t o p l a c e . T h e d r a m a w a s 

s t a r t i n g t o t a k e s h a p e . 

A n o t h e r h u r d l e t o j u m p w a s t h a t o f s e c u r i n g a t h e a t r e . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , o u r 

s c h o o l d i d n o t h a v e a p r o p e r t h e a t r e . W e h a d a l a r g e g y m t h a t h a d a stage at o n e 

e n d . C h a r l i e w a s n o t h a p p y w i t h t h i s v e n u e . E v e r s i n c e h e s t a r t e d t e a c h i n g , C h a r l i e 

h a s a l w a y s t r i e d t o e n v i s i o n b i g g e r a n d m o r e e x c i t i n g l e a r n i n g e x p e r i e n c e s f o r 

c h i l d r e n . S o it d i d n o t c o m e as a s u r p r i s e t o l e a r n t h a t h e h a d t a l k e d t h e o w n e r o f 

t h e P a r k R o y a l c i n e m a s i n t o l o a n i n g u s o n e o f h i s t h r e e c i n e m a s t o r e h e a r s e a n d 

f o i s t t h e p r o d u c t i o n . 



N o w w e h a d a s c r i p t , m u s i c , cast o f a c t o r s , a n d a p e r f o r m a n c e v e n u e . W e set 

u p a n i n t e n s i v e p r a c t i c e s c h e d u l e t o k n i t t o g e t h e r t h e i n d i v i d u a l w o r k o f t h e a c t o r s , 

d a n c e r s , a n d b a n d . P u t t i n g a s h o w t o g e t h e r so t h a t it h a s a n e n e r g y a n d a p u l s e o f 

its o w n is a c h a l l e n g i n g p r o p o s i t i o n . It is h a r d e n o u g h t o d e v e l o p t h e s t u d e n t s t o a 

q u a l i t y l e v e l e i t h e r i n s i n g i n g , d a n c i n g , a c t i n g , o r p l a y i n g , b u t it is a d a u n t i n g t a s k 

t o p u t t h e i n d i v i d u a l p a r t s t o g e t h e r i n s u c h a w a y t h a t t h e o v e r a l l s u m o f e n e r g y 

s u r p a s s e s t h e t o t a l o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l p a r t s . 

W i t h t h i s s h o w , o u r l e v e l o f success s h o c k e d a l l o f u s . T h e m u s i c a l d i d 

l a u n c h a n d d e v e l o p a n energy o f its o w n . B u t t h e r e w a s a n o t h e r f a c t o r f o r s u c c e s s 

t h a t w e u n d e r e s t i m a t e d . W e h a d n ' t r e a l l y c a l c u l a t e d t h e u n i v e r s a l a p p e a l o f R & B 

m u s i c . W e d i s c o v e r e d b o t h t h e p a r e n t s a n d t h e s t u d e n t s l o v e d t h i s m u s i c . N o t o n l y 

d i d w e h a v e a s o l d - o u t r u n at t h e P a r k R o y a l c i n e m a , b u t , a l s o , w e e n d e d u p t a k i n g 

t h e p r o d u c t i o n d o w n t o w n a n d h a v i n g a s u c c e s s f u l r u n at t h e V o g u e T h e a t r e . 

T h e t r e m e n d o u s success o f t h i s e x p e r i e n c e s p u r r e d t h e t e a c h i n g t e a m t o 

b e g i n a r u n o f o r i g i n a l m u s i c a l s w h e r e i n t h e m u s i c as w e l l as t h e l i b r e t t o s w a s 

c o n c e i v e d b y t h e t e a m . M y w o r k m o v e d t o i n c l u d e c o m p o s i t i o n as w e l l as b a n d 

d i r e c t i n g . B u t greatest i m p a c t o n m y p r o g r a m a n d m y c a r e e r c a m e f r o m a v i s i o n o f 

c r e a t i n g a class d e v o t e d t o a c u r r i c u l u m o f R & B m u s i c . 

The Story of the Creation of the Rhythm and Blues Class 

A f t e r a s u m m e r o f r e f l e c t i o n o n t h e success o f " T h e B l u e s B r o t h e r s - A 

M u s i c a l , " I d e c i d e d t h a t I w a n t e d t o s w i t c h t h e f o c u s o f m y s e n i o r stage b a n d c l a s s . 

I h a d b e e n q u i t e f r u s t r a t e d w i t h t h e s t a n d a r d fare o f h i g h s c h o o l b a n d m u s i c . I felt 

88 



t h a t it w a s s t a i d a n d t i r e d a n d h o p e l e s s l y o u t o f date. I d e c i d e d t h a t I w a n t e d t o 

t e a c h a class a b o u t R & B m u s i c . 

T o u n d e r s t a n d t h e r e a s o n i n g b e h i n d t h i s u n d e r t a k i n g b e y o n d t h e o b v i o u s 

success o f t h e m u s i c a l , I m u s t r e v e a l s o m e m o r e o f m y v a l u e s a n d r e f l e c t i o n s as a 

m u s i c i a n , e d u c a t o r a n d h u m a n . T h e f o l l o w i n g is a n e x c e r p t f r o m a n e s s a y o f m i n e 

t h a t w a s w r i t t e n as p a r t o f a n a s s i g n m e n t f o r a c o u r s e o n A c t i o n R e s e a r c h . 

The making of music has always held a very special place in my life. It 
has provided continuous challenge and rewards. Moreover, it has been a place of 
sanctuary and self-expression. From an early age, music making has consistently 
grounded and revitalized my spirit. In fact, it has been a world unto itself-a world 
of never ending joy, adventure, and learning. It has given me a platform to 
launch my priorities, my values and my point of view. It has allowed me a level of 
self-determination that would be hard to obtain in the real world. It is because of 
this rich, fulfilling, and multi-faceted experience that I determined I would spread 
this joy to others-I would become a teacher. 

Teaching my beloved subject in the public high school system was, 
initially, afar cry from my previous experience with music. In my naivety, I had 
not considered the non-musical issues, such as class control, dealing with parents, 
principals and school-based politics in general. Fortunately, over the years, I 
have developed strategies and learned skills that have helped me overcome these 
impediments. In fact, my program has become quite successful. One area, 
however, where I have only experienced limited success is in adjusting to the 
limitations of the curriculum-a curriculum that for the most part, tends to support 
the music from a past colonial culture. 

The band music curriculum in North American public schools has been 
dominated by the concert band genre and its associated repertoire. This is an old 
genre with roots in the British military tradition. The genre includes marches, 
anthems and a generous borrowing of repertoire from the classical and jazz 
idioms. Today's band teachers have virtually all grown up under the auspices of 
this system. Their values and formative notions of pedagogy have been 
influenced by this system. Consequently, band programs in North America have 
been structured to deliver and maintain this style of music. So pervasive is this 
genre, one finds that high school jazz bands, who actually play a more modern 
and indigenous style and repertoire, are reduced in importance and viewed in 
schools as an add-on or adjunct to the concert band experience. Junior and senior 
concert bands are considered the pre-eminent bands in many schools. The concert 
band approach, though it is thorough, sequential and grounded in a good 
technical pedagogy, might benefit from a revitalization of the curriculum by some 
of the advances, both musically and technologically, of today's world. 

The main area of contention seems to be the repertoire itself. In my 
experience, concert band repertoire does not connect with young performers. It 
does not move them emotionally and, in general, the students do not connect with 
the underlying messages or the pulse of this music. This detachment seems quite 

8 9 



reasonable if one accepts the notion that music is one of the great purveyors and 
representatives of culture. 

Concert band music, for the most part does not reflect the culture of today. 
Few people, if any, in today's society listen to concert band music. One cannot find 
a "concert band" section in most CD stores. Students never enter my classroom 
listening to concert band music. I suggest that, for the most part, music teachers 
are teaching a historical form that is detached from the world, as we know it now. 
It comes as no surprise then that students are not reaping the wonderful rewards 
of playing music-the rewards that have consistently nourished and sustained my 
interest and drove me to teaching in the first place. 

T h e c r e a t i o n o f a n R & B c o u r s e i n i t i a l l y s e e m e d t o b e a s o l u t i o n t o m y i s s u e s 

w i t h t h e c u r r i c u l u m as it w a s b e i n g t a u g h t i n m o s t h i g h s c h o o l s i n B r i t i s h 

C o l u m b i a . I h a d l e a r n e d t h r o u g h t h e m u s i c a l t h a t t h e c h i l d r e n l o v e d R & B m u s i c . 

A l t h o u g h it is s t i l l n o t c o m p l e t e l y a c u r r e n t g e n r e , it is m u c h c l o s e r t o t o d a y ' s m u s i c 

t h a n a n y c o n c e r t o r stage b a n d r e p e r t o i r e c o u l d h o p e t o b e a n d it uses b r a s s , s o t h a t 

it c a n b e o p e n t o l o t s o f m y s t u d e n t s . 

W h e n I d e c i d e d t o i m p l e m e n t t h i s i d e a , I ' k n e w t h a t it w a s c r i t i c a l t h a t I 

e n l i s t s o m e o f t h e great s i n g e r s f r o m t h e m u s i c a l . W i t h o u t t h e i r l e v e l o f t a l e n t , I d i d 

n o t t h i n k t h a t I c o u l d l a u n c h a n y k i n d o f p r o g r a m t h a t c o u l d p u b l i c l y p e r f o r m . A s 

fate w o u l d h a v e it, J a m e s O l e n , o n e o f t h e t w o stars o f o u r s h o w , h a d a s p a r e b l o c k 

t h a t c o i n c i d e d w i t h t h e f l e d g l i n g R & B c l a s s . F u r t h e r m o r e , t w o m o r e f e m a l e s i n g e r s 

f r o m t h e m u s i c a l w e r e also a b l e t o a l t e r t h e i r t i m e t a b l e s t o a l l o w t h e m t o j o i n . T h e 

class c o u l d f l y ! 

I w a n t e d t h i s class t o p a r r o t a l o t o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e s a n d m e m o r i e s t h a t I h a d 

as a p r o f e s s i o n a l m u s i c i a n . W h e n I p l a y e d w i t h b a n d s i n V a n c o u v e r n i g h t c l u b s , f o r 

e x a m p l e , w e c o u l d n o t w a i t f o r t h e m u s i c o f t h e c u r r e n t r o c k a n d p o p h i t s t o b e 

p r i n t e d . I n s t e a d , w e l e a r n e d a l l t h e m a t e r i a l b y ear. If w e h a d t r o u b l e , w e w o u l d 

h e l p e a c h o t h e r . A l s o , t h e s h o w h a d t o b e t i g h t a n d p r o f e s s i o n a l , as t h e r e w a s m u c h 

9 0 



c o m p e t i t i o n f o r t h e g i g s . A s is o f t e n t h e c a s e , t h e r e w e r e m a n y m o r e b a n d s i n t h e 

a r e a t h a n t h e r e w a s w o r k . O f c o u r s e , w e h a d t o l o o k g o o d as w e l l as s o u n d g o o d . 

A l t h o u g h n o t h i n g w a s r e a l l y c h o r e o g r a p h e d , w e s t i l l m o v e d o n stage a n d r o c k e d 

h a r d . W e h a d t o c o n n e c t w i t h t h e a u d i e n c e a n d t a k e t h e m o n a m u s i c a l a d v e n t u r e 

every n i g h t . S o n g l i s t s w e r e c a r e f u l l y c o n s t r u c t e d a n d t h e r e w e r e n o d e l a y s b e t w e e n 

s o n g s , o r w e w o u l d l o s e t h e d a n c e r s a n d t h e a t m o s p h e r e t h a t w e w e r e t r y i n g t o 

create. F i n a l l y , t h e r e w a s a s p e c i a l b o n d t h a t f o r m e d b e t w e e n t h e b a n d m e m b e r s . 

A l l o f u s w a n t e d t o s u r v i v e a n d s u c c e e d i n t h e b u s i n e s s . 

I r u n t h e class w i t h m u c h o f t h e a t t i t u d e a n d t e c h n i q u e s t h a t w e r e e m p l o y e d 

d u r i n g m y p r o f e s s i o n a l t e n u r e . T h e c o u r s e is a c c e s s e d t h r o u g h a u d i t i o n s . It is 

d o m i n a t e d b y G r a d e n a n d Gradei2 m u s i c s t u d e n t s , m o s t o f w h o h a v e w o r k e d 

w i t h m e s i n c e G r a d e 7 b e g i n n e r b a n d a n d h a v e g r o w n t h r o u g h t h e h i e r a r c h y o f 

l e a r n i n g i n t h e S e a V i e w m u s i c p r o g r a m . 

A t t h e f i r s t class o f e a c h s c h o o l y e a r , e a c h s t u d e n t receives a C D o f 

a p p r o x i m a t e l y 22 s o n g s . O n e o f t h e o u t c o m e s o f t h e c o u r s e is f o r e a c h s t u d e n t t o 

l e a r n t h e i r p a r t f o r e a c h o f t h e s o n g s . W e g e n e r a l l y t r y t o t a c k l e a n e w s o n g every 

class o r t w o . S t u d e n t s i n i t i a l l y w o r k o n t h e a s s i g n e d s o n g at h o m e , a n d p r o d u c e a 

s h o r t set o f n o t e s d e s c r i b i n g w h a t t h e y w e r e a b l e t o t r a n s c r i b e . I c o l l e c t t h e s e n o t e s . 

T h e y r e p r e s e n t t h e effort m a d e b y e a c h s t u d e n t t o d e v e l o p t h e i r e a r s . T h e effort is 

a c k n o w l e d g e d - n o t w h e t h e r t h e notes are r i g h t o r w r o n g . W e t h e n l o o k at t h e s o n g 

c o l l e c t i v e l y , i n class. P e o p l e b r e a k u p i n t e a m s t o d i s c u s s t h e i r r e s u l t s a n d c o m e t o 

a c o n s e n s u s o n h o w t h e s o n g w i l l b e p l a y e d . T h e s o n g is t h e n r e h e a r s e d . V o c a l s are 

a d d e d ; h a r m o n i e s a n d d a n c e m o v e s are c o n s t r u c t e d . W h e n t h e s o n g j e l l s , it is 

a d d e d t o a r o t a t i n g p l a y l i s t o f s o n g s t h a t t h e s t u d e n t s p l a y e a c h c l a s s . . 

91 



T h e c o r r e c t a t t i t u d e is e m p h a s i z e d . S t u d e n t s m u s t b e p u n c t u a l a n d r e a d y t o 

w o r k i n a m a t u r e a n d s e r i o u s m a n n e r . O f t e n t h e r e w i l l b e " d o w n t i m e " w h e r e o n e 

s e c t i o n o f t h e b a n d h a s t o fix a p r o b l e m . T h e rest o f t h e b a n d m u s t act m a t u r e l y 

a n d n o t j a m o r d i s r u p t t h e f e w w h o n e e d h e l p . 

T h e t o u g h e s t p a r t o f t h e m u s i c i s t o p l a y it w i t h e n o u g h c o n c e n t r a t i o n a n d 

f e e l i n g . D u e t o t h e d e c e p t i v e l y s i m p l y f o r m a n d s t r u c t u r e o f t h e m u s i c , s t u d e n t s 

i n i t i a l l y get l u l l e d i n t o b e l i e v i n g t h a t t h e m u s i c is v e r y easy. T h i s r e s u l t s i n a b r e a k 

i n c o n c e n t r a t i o n a n d a d r o p o f t h e " g r o o v e " a n d f e e l i n g o f t h e s o n g . B e g i n n i n g R & B 

p l a y e r s d o n o t a l w a y s r e c o g n i z e t h a t t h e f e e l i n g o f t h e s o n g is n o t r i g h t . I w o r k h a r d 

t o s u p p o r t t h e m t o r e a l i z e w h e n t h e y h a v e l o s t t h e " g r o o v e . " 

B a n d m e m b e r s are a c t i v e l y e n c o u r a g e d t o get t o k n o w a n d , p e r h a p s , 

b e f r i e n d o t h e r b a n d m e m b e r s . T h e a m o u n t o f i n t e r n a l c o h e s i o n s e e m s t o d i r e c t l y 

i m p r o v e t h e l e v e l o f p e r f o r m a n c e . T o s u p p o r t t h i s n o t i o n , t h e b a n d o f t e n h a s 

d i n n e r s t o g e t h e r after gigs a n d g e n e r a l l y t a k e s a b a n d t r i p e a c h y e a r . S t u d e n t s m u s t 

b e r e a d y t o p a r t i c i p a t e i n these e x t r a - c u r r i c u l a r a c t i v i t i e s . 

M y r o l e is o n e o f f a c i l i t a t o r . I h a v e n o d e s i r e t o p o l i c e t h e b a n d ' s b e h a v i o r , as 

d o i n g so w o u l d t h r o w t h e class i n t o a t r a d i t i o n a l f r a m e a n d t h e o b j e c t i v e s o f 

d e v e l o p i n g l e a d e r s h i p , m a t u r i t y , a n d c r e a t i v e p r o b l e m s o l v i n g c o u l d b e p l a c e d i n 

j e o p a r d y . T o s u p p o r t t h e n o t i o n o f t e a c h e r as f a c i l i t a t o r a n d t e c h n i c a l a i d , e a c h 

s t u d e n t a l o n g w i t h t h e i r p a r e n t s s i g n a c o n t r a c t o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d 

c o m m i t m e n t . T h i s c o n t r a c t is as f o l l o w s : 

R &B EXPECTATIONS 

THE R&B BAND ISA VERY SPECIAL CLASS AT SEA VIEW. THE REWARDS 
DERIVED FROM THIS CLASS ARE NOT OFTEN AVAILABLE IN A REGULAR HIGH 

92 



SCHOOL COURSE. STUDENTS WILL NEED TO DEMONSTRATE MATURITY. 
ENTHUSIASM. AND A STRONG COMMITMENT TO THE BAND AND IT'S GOALS AND 
REPERTOIRE IN ORDER FOR THE CLASS TO BE SUCCESSFUL. 

THIS WILL BE DISPLAYED IN THE FOLLOWING MANNER: 

1. STUDENTS WILL WORK HARD AT THEIR SONG PARTS AT HOME. 
2. STUDENTS WILL HAVE A SONG PREPARED (IN WRITING) FOR EACH CLASS. 
3 . STUDENTS WILL PLAY THE SONGS BY MEMORY. 
4 . STUDENTS WILL MAKE THEMSELVES AVAILABLE FOR THE VARIOUS EXTRACURRICULAR 

PERFORMANCES. 
5. STUDENTS WILL TAKE EACH CLASS SERIOUSLY 
6. STUDENTS WILL BE PUNCTUAL AND SET UP QUICKLY. 
7. ONCE CLASS HAS STARTED/STUDENTS WILL ONLY PLAY AND FOCUS ON THIS YEAR'S 

REPETOIRE OF MUSIC. 
8.STUDENTS WILL ALWAYS PLAY THE MUSIC WITH AS MUCH ENERGY, SPIRIT, AND "SOUL" AS 

POSSIBLE. 
9.STUDENTS WILL BEFRIEND AND RESPECT OTHER BAND MEMBERS TO CREATE A COHESIVE 

"TEAM" ENVIRONMENT. 
1 0 . STUDENTS WILL ASSIST EACH OTHER IN THE LEARNING OF NEW SONGS. 
I, ,HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THE 10 EXPECTATIONS FOR THE R & B 
CLASS, AND AM PREPARED TO DO MY BEST TO FOLLOW THESE RULES. I KNOW THAT THIS 
COURSE REQUIRES CONSISTENT MATURITY AND FOCUS ON MY PART. I REALIZE THAT 
FORCING MR. T. TO CONSTANTLY POLICE MY BEHAVIOURS IS COUNTER- PRODUCTIVE TO 
THE CLASS AND THAT FAILURE TO MEET THESE EXPECTATIONS MAY RESULT IN A LOSS OF 
THE RIGHT TO ATTEND AND BE IN THE CLASS. 

SIGNATURE OF STUDENT. 

SIGNATURE OF PARENT AFTER READING THE EXPECTATIONS 

A s e c o n d e d u c a t i o n a l c h a l l e n g e f o r t h e R & B c l a s s i s t h e m u s i c a l t h a t w e 

p r o d u c e e v e r y s e c o n d y e a r . O n t h e s e y e a r s , w e p u s h h a r d t o get t h r o u g h o u r b a s i c 

r e p e r t o i r e i n 

o r d e r t o m a k e r o o m f o r i n - c l a s s r e h e a r s a l s o f t h e m u s i c f o r t h e p r o d u c t i o n . 

T h i s " h a r d " r e a d i n g p r o v i d e s a b a l a n c e t o a l l t h e " e a r " w o r k o f t h e f a l l t e r m . 

P e r f o r m i n g f o r t w o w e e k s i n t h e m u s i c a l is a v e r y r e w a r d i n g e x p e r i e n c e , b o t h 

m u s i c a l l y a n d s o c i a l l y f o r t h e s t u d e n t s . 

93 



T h i s e d u c a t i o n a l project is a l o c a l s u c c e s s . W e s e e m t o p r o v i d e t h e u l t i m a t e 

" c r o s s o v e r " m u s i c f o r m a n y e v e n t s . P a r e n t s are e s p e c i a l l y w e l c o m i n g t o t h i s g e n r e . 

I k n o w t h a t t h e R & B b a n d h a s b e e n p i c k e d o v e r o t h e r s c h o o l b a n d s f o r events 

s i m p l y b e c a u s e t h e m u s i c is e n e r g e t i c , d a n c e a b l e a n d f u n . A s a r e s u l t , w e u s u a l l y 

p l a y f o r l a r g e c r o w d s at b o t h N o r t h a n d W e s t V a n c o u v e r C a n a d a D a y c e l e b r a t i o n s . 

P r i v a t e b u s i n e s s e s , w h e n t h e y ar e h a v i n g a c e l e b r a t i o n , w i l l o f t e n p a y u s t o 

p e r f o r m . T h e m u s i c f e s t i v a l at K e r e m e o s , A . K . A . " M u s i c u n d e r t h e K . " h a s a s k e d u s 

t o b e p a r t o f t h e e n t e r t a i n m e n t p a c k a g e f o r t h e f e s t i v a l - a f e s t i v a l t h a t w e u s e t o 

a t t e n d as i n t h e r o l e o f s t u d e n t s . 

B e s i d e s t h e a p p r e c i a t i o n f o r R & B m u s i c a n d t h e l e g a c y o f g o o d R & B p l a y e r s 

a n d s i n g e r s t h a t t h e p r o g r a m h a s t u r n e d o u t , t h e r e as w e l l exits a n a l u m n i b a n d , 

k n o w n as t h e R & B C o n s p i r a c y . T h i s b a n d p e r f o r m s at v a r i o u s p r o f e s s i o n a l R & B 

c l u b s i n V a n c o u v e r . 

T h e o n l y a r e a o f s k e p t i c i s m s e e m s t o e m a n a t e f r o m s o m e t r a d i t i o n a l c o n c e r t 

b a n d t e a c h e r s w h o , f o r a m y r i a d o f r e a s o n s , q u e s t i o n t h e v a l i d i t y o f t h i s p r o g r a m . 

The Story of the R&B Conspiracy 

It h a d b e e n a y e a r s i n c e m y f i r s t g r o u p o f R & B class s i n g e r s h a d g r a d u a t e d 

f r o m S e a V i e w . M o s t o f t h e s t u d e n t s w e r e a t t e n d i n g v a r i o u s l o c a l p o s t - s e c o n d a r y 

i n s t i t u t i o n s . T w o s t u d e n t s , S h e i l a I r v i n g a n d C y n t h i a S w a n s b u r g h e a c h 

i n d e p e n d e n t l y v i s i t e d t h e f o l l o w i n g y e a r . B o t h g i r l s b e m o a n e d t h e fact t h a t , u p o n 

g r a d u a t i o n f r o m Sea V i e w S e c o n d a r y , t h e y h a d l o s t t h e i r a v e n u e o f m u s i c a l 

e x p r e s s i o n . T h e Sea V i e w R & B B a n d C l a s s h a d b e e n a n i m p o r t a n t a n d v a l u e d 

94 



e x p e r i e n c e , b u t n e i t h e r h a d b e e n a b l e t o f o r m o r c o n n e c t w i t h a b a n d s i n c e t h e y 

h a d g r a d u a t e d . 

I s t a r t e d r e f l e c t i n g a b o u t t h i s i s s u e a n d t h e fact t h a t I w a s n ' t p l a y i n g e i t h e r . 

I n fact, it h a d b e e n a d i f f i c u l t t r a n s i t i o n f r o m p l a y i n g s i x n i g h t s a w e e k t o a f u l l -

t i m e t e a c h i n g j o b w h e r e i n y o u r h a r d w o r k w a s n o t o f t e n n o t i c e d . I h a d b e e n u s e t o 

a l o t o f r e c o g n i t i o n a n d status. N o w , as a t e a c h e r , I m a d e m o r e m o n e y a n d h a d 

m o r e s e c u r i t y , b u t I h a d t o g e n e r a l l y p a t m y s e l f o n t h e b a c k f o r m y effort a n d 

r e s u l t s . 

M y o l d f r i e n d a n d m e n t o r , C h a r l i e P h i l l i p s , w a s r e a l l y m i s s i n g p l a y i n g t o o . 

S o t o m e e t these v a r i o u s n e e d s , I p u l l e d s e v e n p e o p l e t o g e t h e r . T h r e e f o r m e r S e a 

V i e w s i n g e r s w o u l d f r o n t t h e b a n d : S h e i l a I r v i n g , C y n t h i a S w a n s b u r g h a n d D o n n a 

L e e . T h e d r u m m e r ' s c h a i r e v e n t u a l l y f e l l a n o t h e r S e a V i e w a l u m n i — C a s e y W h i t e . 

C h a r l i e p l a y e d H a m m o n d B 3 o r g a n a n d I p l a y e d g u i t a r . T h e g r o u p a d d e d o n l y o n e 

n o n - S e a V i e w p e r s o n — P e t e r B o y c h u k o n b a s s g u i t a r . 

It w a s a n o d d m a t c h i n g o f t w e n t y - y e a r o l d s w i t h f o r t y y e a r o l d s , b u t it 

w o r k e d . T h e " k i d s " b r o u g h t i n e n e r g y a n d i m a g e a n d t h e " o l d g u y s " b r o u g h t i n 

s t a b i l i t y a n d d e p t h o f m u s i c a l e x p e r i e n c e . U s u a l l y a n age gap o f t w e n t y y e a r s 

p r e c l u d e s t h e success o f a g r o u p , b u t b e c a u s e w e h a d b e e n t h e i r t e a c h e r s , w e h a d 

a l r e a d y e s t a b l i s h e d a g o o d r a p p o r t . 

T h e b a n d s t a r t e d o u t s l o w l y , p l a y i n g free gigs a n d events f o r t h e W e s t 

V a n c o u v e r c o m m u n i t y a n d s c h o o l d i s t r i c t . A s o u r p r o f e s s i o n a l i s m s t a r t e d t o 

e m e r g e , w e a b l e t o start p l a y i n g t h e l o c a l p r o f e s s i o n a l R & B a n d b l u e s r o o m s i n 

V a n c o u v e r . 

9 5 



P r e s e n t l y , t h e b a n d p l a y s o n c e o r t w i c e a m o n t h at t h e B a c k s t a g e L o u n g e 

( A r t s C l u b T h e a t r e ) , the F a i r v i e w p u b , o r o n o c c a s i o n at t h e Y a l e . It i s h a r d t o 

b e l i e v e t h a t w e h a v e b e e n t o g e t h e r f o r a l m o s t n i n e y e a r s . W e h a v e c l e a r l y g r o w n 

i n t o a q u a l i t y l o c a l act t h a t h a s a f o l l o w i n g . 

A s a t e a c h e r , I feel v e r y p r o u d o f t h i s p r o f e s s i o n a l u n i t . I see t h e y o u n g 

p e o p l e i n m y b a n d c o m p l e t i n g m y e d u c a t i o n a l v i s i o n — t h a t m u s i c c o u l d b e a 

r e w a r d i n g h o b b y t h a t it c o u l d b e s u c c e s s f u l l y i n t e g r a t e d i n t o t h e f r a m e w o r k o f 

t h e i r b u s y p r o f e s s i o n a l l i v e s . 

Heroes 

Preamble: 
Heroes is a collection of narratives, poems, and reflections on the 

pervasive issue of heros and hero journeys. 

F u r t h e r m o r e , w e h a v e n o t e v e n t o r i s k t h e a d v e n t u r e a l o n e , f o r t h e h e r o e s o f 
a l l t i m e h a v e g o n e b e f o r e u s . T h e l a b y r i n t h is t h o r o u g h l y k n o w n . W e h a v e 
o n l y t o f o l l o w t h e t h r e a d o f t h e h e r o p a t h , a n d w h e r e w e h a d t h o u g h t t o f i n d 
a n a b o m i n a t i o n , w e s h a l l f i n d a g o d . A n d w h e r e w e t h o u g h t t o s l a y a n o t h e r , 
w e s h a l l s l a y o u r s e l v e s . W h e r e w e h a d t h o u g h t t o t r a v e l o u t w a r d , w e w i l l 
c o m e t o t h e c e n t e r o f o u r o w n e x i s t e n c e . A n d w h e r e w e h a d t h o u g h t t o b e 
a l o n e , w e w i l l b e w i t h a l l t h e w o r l d ( C a m p b e l l , 1 9 8 8 , p . 1 2 3 . ) 

H e r o e s : w h o are t h e y ? I n t h e f i r s t d e c a d e o f t h e 2 1 s t C e n t u r y , t h e w o r d 

" h e r o " is b e c o m i n g a n o v e r u s e d w o r d . It is o n t h e edge o f j o i n i n g a h o s t o f o t h e r 

w o r d s t h a t , i n o u r w o r l d o f i n c e s s a n t s p i n a n d h y p e r b o l e , are l o s i n g t h e i r o r i g i n a l 

m e a n i n g a n d f o r c e . C o n s t a n t m e d i a use o f w o r d s s u c h as " a w e s o m e , " " l e g e n d a r y , " 

" v i s i o n a r y , " " m y t h i c , " o r " t r a d i t i o n , " t o n a m e a f e w , h a v e h a d t h e i r v a l u e i n c u l t u r a l 

c u r r e n c y m a d e a l m o s t m e a n i n g l e s s . I n p a r t , t h e y h a v e b e e n d r a i n e d o f t h e i r 

p o t e n c y b y t h e i r u s e t o d e s c r i b e t h i n g s t h a t t h e y are not. 

96 



D e s p i t e t h i s , t h e p h e n o m e n o n o f " h e r o " is s t i l l r e a l a n d p o w e r f u l . T o s o m e 

extent, t h e n o t i o n o f h e r o h a s a n d w i l l a l w a y s h a v e . a n i m p o r t a n t r o l e i n t h e h u m a n 

d r a m a . W h o q u a l i f i e s as a h e r o ? I n t h e above q u o t a t i o n , J o s e p h C a m p b e l l w a s 

i n t r i g u e d w i t h t h e h e r o w i t h i n e a c h p e r s o n . H e w a s a l s o i n t r i g u e d w i t h e x t e r i o r 

h e r o e s t h a t h a v e a c t e d as m o d e l s f o r g e n e r a t i o n s o f c u l t u r e s t h r o u g h o u t t h e w o r l d . 

H i s e x t e r i o r w o r k f o c u s e d o n m y t h s a n d l e g e n d s . 

O f t e n , i n m y f o r m a t i v e y e a r s , I l o o k e d o u t s i d e o f m y s e l f f o r h e r o i c i n s p i r a t i o n . 

I s o u g h t o u t a n d m o d e l e d m y s e l f after o t h e r s , w h o m a n i f e s t e d a d e e p r e s o n a n c e 

w i t h m y o w n core v a l u e s a n d d r e a m s . T h e r e f o r e , m y a p p r o a c h t o t h i s p i e c e is 

f r a m e d b y t h e f o l l o w i n g d e f i n i t i o n : H e r o e s are p e o p l e w h o i n s p i r e m e t o r e a c h 

d e e p e r , t o f l y h i g h e r , m o v e t o a m o r e v i s i o n a r y state a n d , s u b s e q u e n t l y , l i v e a r i c h e r 

l i f e . I n s h o r t , m y h e r o e s are p e o p l e w h o h a v e c a t a l y z e d a shift o f m y t h o u g h t s a n d 

v a l u e s . T h e y are p e o p l e w h o h a v e u l t i m a t e l y c h a n g e d m y p a t h . W i t h i n t h i s c o n t e x t , 

I a m i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n s f o r r e f l e c t i o n : 

• W h o are o r h a v e b e e n t h e h e r o e s i n m y l i f e ? 

• W h y d o I see t h e m as h e r o e s ? 

• H o w d i d t h e y r e s o n a t e w i t h m e 

• H o w d o t h e y l i v e t h r o u g h m e ? 

• H o w d o t h e y i m p a c t o n m y t e a c h i n g ? 

• A m I m y yet m y o w n h e r o ? 

• W h a t is t h e r o l e o f p r e s e n t d a y h e r o e s f o r m e ? 

A s a h u m a n w h o h a s b e e n o b s e s s e d w i t h t h e b e a u t y a n d p o t e n t i a l o f m u s i c 

a n d g u i t a r p l a y i n g , I h a v e h a d m a n y h e r o e s . O n e m a y argue t h a t t h r o u g h t h e 

97 



c u l t u r e o f h e r o a n d m y t h , t h e t r a d i t i o n o f g u i t a r is k e p t a l i v e a n d p a s s e d o n t h r o u g h 

s u c c e s s i v e g e n e r a t i o n s o f y o u n g s t e r s . O n e n e e d o n l y p e r u s e t h e m a g a z i n e r a c k s t o 

f i n d m a g a z i n e s d e v o t e d t o i c o n s o f b o t h m u s i c a n d g u i t a r p l a y i n g . T h e n o t i o n t h a t 

m u s i c i a n s w h o p l a y g u i t a r c o u l d b e s o m e h o w b i g g e r t h a n life—that t h e y c o u l d 

k n o w t h i n g s a n d h a v e i n s i g h t s a n d w i s d o m t h a t w e h a v e yet t o f i n d — i s j u s t 

a c c e p t e d as p a r t o f t h e g u i t a r / m u s i c c u l t u r e . 

I sense t h a t t h i s i l l u s i o n s t e m s f r o m t h e i n h e r e n t s p i r i t u a l p o t e n c y o f t h e 

m u s i c itself, f o r t h e p o w e r o f m u s i c o n s o m e o f u s is i m m e n s e . M u s i c c a n i n s p i r e , 

g r o u n d a n d b a l a n c e u s . It c a n s u p p o r t h e a l i n g a n d r e f l e c t i o n . It c a n l e a d t o n e w 

a v e n u e s o f d i r e c t i o n . T h e r e f o r e is s e e m s n a t u r a l t o d r a w s p i r i t u a l a s s u m p t i o n s 

a b o u t it. I a t t e m p t t o express s o m e o f these n o t i o n s i n t h e f o l l o w i n g p o e m , e n t i t l e d 

Magician/Musician. 

Magician/Musician 

Preamble: 
Sometimes, but not often, I have witnessed a musical performance that is 

so breath -taking and deep and transcendental in nature, that I start wondering 
where the line lies that separates musicians from magicians and shamans. It is at 
times like these, the artist/hero says exactly what needs to be said at a level that 
profoundly resonates my core. These events, although they are very infrequent, 
are so overwhelming that, like an opiate, I immediately crave more. The other 
issue that enters my mind is the possibility that in fact there is no magic at all and 
that I've been duped by slight of hand into believing that there is more than meets 
the eye. Certainly in my life story(s), I always seem to be craving a deeper 
understanding than seems possible. The following poem follows a vivid memory 
of one of the first Vancouver concert performances of the jazz/fusion 
guitarist/magician Mike Stern. Stern was a member of the Michael Brecker band 
at the time. The performance was at the Commodore Ballroom in the late 1980's. 

M a g i c i a n / M u s i c i a n 

It w a s i n t h e a i r 
A s s o o n as t h e y c o u n t e d o u t 

98 



A n d f r e e d t h e f i r s t s o u n d s 
Y o u k n e w , b u t c o u l d n ' t e x p l a i n 

T h e f e e l i n g 
T h a t w r a p p e d a r o u n d y o u l i k e 

A w a r m b l a n k e t a n d c o n v i n c e d y o u 
T h a t t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n b e t w e e n t h e i n s t r u m e n t s 

W o u l d s p i n a m a r v e l o u s s t o r y 
F i l l e d w i t h p a s s i o n , i n t r i g u e , 

C a r i n g a n d h u m o u r w i t h 
E a c h s o l o i s t b r i n g i n g 

H i s s p e c i a l t w i s t t o t h e e p i c 
B y t a k i n g h i s o w n p o e t r y 

A n d w e a v i n g it i n t o t h e s o n i c f a b r i c 
O f t h e w h o l e 

W h i c h t h r o u g h t o n a l a l c h e m y 
W o u l d c o n v e r t s i m p l e s o u n d s 

I n t o a n a r r a t i v e so i n t e n s e 
A n d b u r s t i n g w i t h r e s o n a n c e 

T h a t t h e s t o r y w o u l d 
A c t u a l l y g r i n d t o a p l a c e 

S o d e e p , yet c l e a n s i n g 
That the audience would 

B e left i n s i l e n c e at t h e e n d a n d 
F o r c e d a g a i n t o w r e s t l e w i t h 

E n o r m o u s q u e s t i o n s o f p u r p o s e 

O n e o f t h e p l a y e r s 
H a d s p e c i a l gifts, 

A n o r i g i n a l a n d s t u n n i n g 
C o m b i n a t i o n o f y e a r s o f t e c h n i q u e 
W i t h s e r i o u s r e a d i n g a n d c r i t i q u e 

O f a u t h o r s o f m u s i c p a s t 
A n d t h i s m e l d e d w i t h f r a m e s 

O f h e r o i c v i s i o n a n d t e n a c i t y t h a t 
R i p p e d f o r t h f r o m h i s b e i n g as 

A t o r r e n t i a l o u t p o u r i n g 
T h a t s t a r t e d s l o w l y , 

C r e e p i n g i n t h e b a c k p o r c h 
A n d e d g i n g ever so c l o s e l y 

A n d h e c a p t u r e d t h e s m e l l 
O f t h e r a i n j u s t b e f o r e t h e b r e a k 

A n d h e m a d e m e s h i v e r 
I n a n t i c i p a t i o n o f t h e f i r s t 

T e n u o u s d r o p s a n d 
I w a s s u r e t h a t I c o u l d 

See t h e t h u n d e r g r a y a n d 



B l a c k c l o u d s c i r c l i n g a b o v e 
H i s h e a d as t h e i n t e n s i t y 

O f h i s p l a y i n g h e r a l d e d a n 
E x p l o s i o n o f t o r r e n t a n d c u r r e n t 

A n d t h e a u d i e n c e s c r e a m e d 
F r o m t h e r e s o n a n c e o f t h i s tale 

O f e p i c r o m a n t i c i s m 
A n d j u s t w h e n w e t h o u g h t 

T h a t t h e j o u r n e y w a s c o m p l e t e 
T h e s o l o i s t t o o k u s 

T o a n e w l e v e l o f f r e s h t e r r a i n a n d 
T o n e w w o r l d s o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g 

A n d t h e a u d i e n c e e x p l o d e d 
A n d rose t o t h e i r feet as t h e y 
A s t h e y s t r a i n e d t o see h i m 

P u s h h i s h e a d a b o v e t h e t h u n d e r c l o u d s 
T o t h e d e a f e n i n g s i l e n c e a b o v e t h e w h i t e n o i s e 

W h e r e h e w a s h e d u s c l e a n 
A n d g r a c e d u s w i t h a c h a n c e 

T o t r y a g a i n . 

Growing up under the Glow 

M y f i r s t e n c o u n t e r w i t h " h e r o e s " w a s n o t t h r o u g h m u s i c . I n s t e a d t h e y c a m e 

t h r o u g h t w o s o u r c e s , t h e T . V . a n d c o m i c b o o k s . I w a s l o o k i n g f o r a m a l e m e n t o r 

t h r o u g h w h o m I c o u l d m o l d m y s e l f . M y f a t h e r , a l a s , w a s n o t t h i s p e r s o n , a l t h o u g h I 

w o u l d h a v e l o v e d f o r h i m t o b e . W h e n I w a s g r o w i n g u p , m y f a t h e r w a s c o n s u m e d 

w i t h d i s c o v e r i n g h i s o w n p o t e n t i a l a n d r e a l i z i n g h i s o w n m y t h . I w a s j u s t v i e w e d as 

s o m e t h i n g h e c r e a t e d t o please a n d o c c u p y m y m o m . A s m y f a t h e r h a d l i t t l e 

i n t e r e s t i n m e , h e r a r e l y i n t e r - a c t e d w i t h m e f o r a n y k i n d o f p l a y o r l e a r n i n g . 

W h a t I d o r e m e m b e r is t h a t every n i g h t , w h e n I w a s g r o w i n g u p , m y f a t h e r 

w a t c h e d T . V . F r o m t h e m o m e n t D a d a r r i v e d at h o m e u n t i l b e d t i m e , t h e t u b e s h o n e 

f o r t h , d e l i v e r i n g its messages t o b o t h h i m a n d t h e h o u s e h o l d . I w o u l d sit b y h i m i n 

100 



silence and watch and absorb a world-view and set of ethics generated by the 

entertainment industry. 

I witnessed an unending parade of heroes and goddesses from all periods of 

history. I summate this experience in "The Unnatural Act," a poem that I wrote in 

August, 2004.1 think that no one in the early 1960's really understood the impact 

that such an immersive T.V. experience would have on children. It seemed to be 

accepted as another technological miracle. (I personally am still saddened by our 

culture's acceptance of the programming of our children. In the video, Super-Size 

Me, the author states that children are exposed to approximately 10,000 messages 

of consumerism per year. These messages tell children what is good, bad, and cool 

and what they need to buy.) 

The Unnatural Act 
(A poem about T.V. in the 60's) 

No one knew: 
It seemed like a Bonanza if 

You loved Lucy like Jeanie like Samantha 
With Emma and 86 (just the flip of a switch) 

At the Junction of Green Acres J could never resist. 

I loved their perfection, their ultra mythic feminine 
Looks with doe eyes and cheek bones 

Chiseled out of granite and smiles 
That would take you miles to a distant planet of siren-
What possible chance did I have, but, again, 

To be a man, a Paladin, 
Real Rifleman wanted Dead or Alive, 

A Chuck or a Steve, Clint or Gary 
Tallness and silence brimming with violence and fury 

Much too soon to define the American Male 
On the black and white pages of high noon. 

Or out of the West and into a jungle 

101 



O r L o s t i n S p a c e o r t h e c o u r t s o r t h e f u m b l e 
O f f a m i l y l i f e , j u s t L e a v e It T o B e a v e r 

C a p t a i n s K i r k a n d K a n g a r o o , C r u n c h , H o o k a n d C l e a v e r . 
W i t h r a b b i t s a n d m i c e a n d w o o d p e c k e r s t o o t h a t 
H a d g r o w n u p i n t h e B r o n x , r i g h t n e x t t o t h e z o o . 

H o w m u c h d i d I l a u g h ? H o w m u c h d i d I h a t e 
H o w d e e p these m y t h s d i d s i n k a n d f o r m u l a t e 

M y b r a i n a n d assist i n t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f b l a c k a n d w h i t e r e d u c t i o n 
T h a t d r o v e m e a n d a y o u n g n a t i o n o f o v e r s t i m u l a t e d r o m a n t i c s t o 

R e b e l at t h e a n t i c s o f a w o r l d t h a t w e r e a l l y d i d n ' t k n o w , 
T u n e o u t a n d o n w i t h t h e s h o w ! 

I l o v e d these T . V . s h o w s as a b o y . T h e c o w b o y / w e s t e r n s a n d D i s n e y 

r e v i s i o n i s t h i s t o r i c a l d r a m a s s u c h as Davy Crockett s p u r r e d a l l t h e b o y s t o b e c o m e 

y o u n g c o w b o y s . I h a d a n a r s e n a l o f v a r i o u s t o y g u n s a n d r i f l e s t o f i g h t t h e b a d g u y s . 

T h e y w e r e t h e o n e s w h o w e r e s c u r r i l y d r e s s e d , u n s h a v e d , a n d m e a n . T h e i r 

s i d e k i c k s w e r e o f t e n cast as o v e r w e i g h t , b a l d i n g , d i m - w i t s w i t h f u n n y v o i c e s . I a l s o 

h a d a t o y b o x f i l l e d w i t h h a t s o f every s t y l e . I h a d t o h a v e t h e r i g h t h a t i n o r d e r t o 

l a u n c h i n t o these i m a g i n a r y r o l e s . 

O f c o u r s e , I h a d t o b e t h e h e r o i n t h e b l a c k a n d w h i t e m o r a l i t y p l a y s o f m y 

i m a g i n a t i o n . T h e b a d g u y s a l w a y s w e n t d o w n a n d I, as s y m b o l o f t h e g o o d , s t r o n g , 

c l e a n , a n d h a n d s o m e , a l w a y s w o n . T h e b o t t o m l i n e p l o t o f g o o d o v e r e v i l w a s 

p l a y e d o u t w i t h s l i g h t v a r i a t i o n s f o r y e a r s . 

B u t w h a t h a p p e n s if, after a l l t h i s i n d o c t r i n a t i o n a n d p r a c t i c e , y o u d o n ' t 

m e a s u r e u p as a h e r o ? W h a t i f y o u ' r e n o t h a n d s o m e a n d y o u h a v e n o cleft i n y o u r 

M o u n t i e j a w . W h a t i f y o u are s h o r t e r t h a n six feet? W h a t i f y o u h a v e b r i g h t r e d 

h a i r ? W h a t i f ( p e r i s h t h e t h o u g h t ) y o u are n o t a t o u g h f i g h t e r b u t r a t h e r a s e n s i t i v e 

d r e a m e r ? 

102 



Another source of angst for me was the indoctrination of American 

standards of female beauty. The objectification of women and valuing women for 

what they looked like as opposed to who they were as people was a terrible lesson 

to be taught. For years I dated women with high cheekbones and thin waistlines. I 

felt trapped by these standards of beauty that were planted so deeply into my 

psyche. The power of the T.V. heroes faded, however, when the "British Invasion" 

hit the radio airwaves in early 1 9 6 4 . 

The Heroes of the Sound Waves 

I had a long distance bonding with many of the music icons of the 1 9 6 0 ' s . 

This new source for external heroes and mentors commenced with the North 

American break through of the Beatles in the early months of 1 9 6 4 . The Beatles 

introduced anew vitality to the entire world of pop.And with this vitality came a 

new relevance for young people. We all grew up with the Beatles as they 

themselves grew and moved from the simplicity of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" to 

the sophistication of "A Day in The Life." I recall eagerly anticipating each of the 

later Beatles' albums so my friends and I could listen to the lyrics. These cryptic 

messages constantly exposed me to concepts that were experientially way beyond 

my reach. 

The Lyric Heroes-Bob Dylan and John Lennon 

Post-modernism meets the sonic landscape. Other artists as well as the 

Beatles became intensely personal and reflective and relevant. It appealed to the 

young who were wrestling with narrow stereotypical life opportunities and values 

103 



that had been generated from the needs for security and stability by the previous 

generation-one who had survived the great depression and W o r l d W a r II. Pop 

music went from Pat Boone to Bob Dylan i n the b l i n k of an eye. M a n y lyricists 

joined the new wave, moving away from cliches and naivety to profound essays on 

values, change, the need for refection, a sense of place and personal growth. 

Dylan's lyrics i n Like a Rolling Stone (Wissolik, R . D . , M c G r a t h , S., 

Colaianne, A . J . , 1 9 9 4 ) touched some of these subjects. M y sense is that this song is 

about a woman who was raised i n wealth and enjoyed this distinction. H e r wealth 

provided her with great enjoyment, but seemed to shield her from growing up and 

into the w o r l d . W h e n she tumbles into a new context, she is forced to re-evaluate 

and work w i t h the very people that she looked down upon. It represents an 

incredible change from the "boy meets g i r l " simplicity of only a few years earlier. 

After detailing the young woman's fall from both grace and innocence, Dylan 

essentially asks what w i l l happen next and how w i l l one deal w i t h it. This level of 

"reality" i n song lyrics—one that captured the grayness and complexity of l i f e -

captured the imaginations of all who heard it. 

Other artists reflected on spirituality and alternate philosophies. J o h n 

Lennon, of the Beatles, was one of the best examples of pop artists who wrote on 

such issues. 

J o h n wrote about the Tibetan Book of the Dead i n the song, Tomorrow Never 

Knows. H i s lyrics center on the acceptance of the natural end of our life journey. 

J o h n works hard to re-frame our t h i n k i n g to complement the process as "love is all 

and love is everyone" (Womack, K . , Davis, T . F : [Eds.], 2006.) These lyrics, unlike 

104 



t h e street w i s d o m o f B o b D y l a n , t o o k y o u n g e r p e o p l e t o e s o t e r i c a d v e n t u r e s i n 

E a s t e r n m e t a p h y s i c a l p h i l o s o p h y . 

I n t h e s t r e a m - o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s f l o w o f "I A m t h e W a l r u s , " L e n n o n b l e n d e d 

E a s t e r n s p i r i t u a l l e a r n i n g a n d d r u g - b a s e d h a l l u c i n a t i o n s / r e a l i z a t i o n s w i t h a 

D y l a n e s q u e c r i t i q u e o n E n g l i s h s o c i e t y a n d s e x u a l n o r m s . L y r i c a l l i n e s l i k e "I a m 

h e as y o u are h e r as y o u are m e a n d w e are a l l t o g e t h e r " are j u x t a p o s e d w i t h 

" C o r p o r a t i o n tee s h i r t , s t u p i d b l o o d y T u e s d a y m a n " a n d r e f e r e n c e s t o " L u c y i n t h e 

s k y , " o r L S D ( W o m a c k , K., D a v i s , T . F . [ E d s . ] , 2006.) T h e l y r i c s are as b o l d as t h e 

s t r e a m o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s style. B y t h e late '6o's, L e n n o n h a d a r r i v e d at a s p e c i a l 

a r t i s t i c p l a c e , w h e r e i n h e c o u l d v o i c e a n y o f h i s t h o u g h t s i n a n y l i t e r a r y s t y l e , a n d 

t h e w h o l e w o r l d w o u l d l i s t e n a n d t r y t o m a k e m e a n i n g f r o m it. 

Jimi Hendrix and the Guitar Heroes 

A l o n g w i t h l y r i c s , t h e m u s i c a l s o r e f l e c t e d t h e h u g e c h a n g e s a n d g r o w t h t h a t 

a c c o m p a n i e s a n y m a j o r s o c i e t a l p a r a d i g m b r e a k t h r o u g h . I n t h i s c o n t e x t t h e r e w a s 

n o t h i n g i n s t r u m e n t a l l y t h a t b e t t e r d e m o n s t r a t e d t h e c h a n g e o f v a l u e s t h a n t h e 

g u i t a r p l a y i n g . U s i n g a n e w a m a l g a m t h a t c h a n n e l e d t h e p a s s i o n a n d v o c a b u l a r y o f 

t h e b l u e s t h r o u g h t h e f i l t e r o f p o p a e s t h e t i c , t h e g u i t a r p l a y e r s b e c a m e t h e h i g h 

" p r i e s t s " o f r o c k . 

T h e b l u e s h a s a l w a y s b e e n a n a n t i - r e l i g i o n i n t h e S o u t h e r n States. It w a s 

g e n e r a l l y v i e w e d as t h e " d e v i l ' s m u s i c , " p r o b a b l y b e c a u s e it t o o k as m a n y c o n v e r t s 

as t h e t r a d i t i o n a l C h r i s t i a n r e l i g i o n s . J i m i H e n d r i x , f r o m Seattle ( v i a N e w Y o r k a n d 

L o n d o n ) a n d a n u m b e r o f E n g l i s h g u i t a r i s t s s u c h as E r i c C l a p t o n , J e f f B e c k , a n d 

105 



J i m m y P a g e , a b s o r b e d A m e r i c a n b l u e s a n d f u s e d it i n t o a h i g h - p o w e r e d a v a n t -

g a r d e style t h a t e n t h r a l l e d m i l l i o n s o f t e e n a g e r s . 

I w a s o n e o f t h o s e teenagers. A l t h o u g h I w a s n o t t h e r e w h e n a l l t h e y o u n g 

T o r o n t o n i a n s w o r e t h e i n f a m o u s " C l a p t o n is G o d " b u t t o n s , I d i d f u l l y u n d e r s t a n d 

t h e m e s s a g e , as t h e r e i s a u n i q u e p h e n o m e n o n t h a t o c c u r s w h e n b l u e s i n f u s e d 

s o l o s are p l a y e d w i t h excessive p a s s i o n . It s e e m s t h a t t h e r e is a b r e a k i n g p o i n t 

w h e r e t h e p a s s i o n p u s h e s t h r o u g h t h e d o o r s o f n o r m a l c y t o a l a n d o f t h e l o t u s . T h a t 

is t o say, t h r o u g h t h e i n t e n s i t y , a s p i r i t u a l edge arises a n d t h e m u s i c starts t o s o u n d 

l i k e a h y m n . 

A l l p a t h s e v e n t u a l l y l e a d t o G o d ? I h a v e o f t e n w o n d e r e d i f t h e m u s i c o f t h e 

' 6 o's o f f e r e d a p a t h t o f i l l t h e v o i d t h a t w a s b e i n g g e n e r a t e d b y t h e f a i l u r e o f t h e 

c h u r c h at t h e t i m e . C l e a r l y , I w a s o n e o f t h e n e w c o n v e r t s . 

I n t h e w i n t e r o f 67-68, m y h e r o e s , E r i c C l a p t o n a n d J i m i H e n d r i x , p l a y e d i n 

m y h o m e t o w n . T h i s w a s t h e f i r s t t i m e t h a t I h a d a c t u a l l y seen h e r o e s o f m i n e i n 

f l e s h a n d b l o o d . T h e e x p e r i e n c e c h a n g e d m y d i r e c t i o n o f g u i t a r p l a y i n g a n d m y l i f e 

f o r e v e r . I s t a r t e d t h e l o n g j o u r n e y o f t r y i n g t o p l a y i m p r o v i s e d g u i t a r l i n e s t h a t 

w o u l d generate t h e t r a n s c e n d e n t a l m o o d s o f m y h e r o e s . T h e w o r k o f h o n i n g t h i s 

s k i l l c o n t i n u e s t o d a y a n d h a s i n s p i r e d t h e f o l l o w i n g p o e m . 

High Wire Guitar 

Preamble: 
Taking improvised solos is one of the scariest and most thrilling things 

that I know. From my context, it is an act of vulnerability, truthfulness and, 
ultimately, heroism. And it is very similar to walking a tightrope. How does one 
prepare? The obvious answer is to practice, but there is much more to it. With one 
slip you can crash and the whole edifice of emotion, intellect, soul, and aesthetic 
tumbles down. But when you make it.... 

106 



High Wire Guitar 

P u t t i n g y o u r f o o t o u t y o u feel t h e w i r e 
B e f o r e y o u w a l k o n w a t e r 

A n d t h o u g h y o u are v e r y h i g h 
I n t h e s t r a t o s p h e r e , t h e r e is n o 

N e t a n d c e r t a i n l y n o t u r n i n g b a c k , 
O n l y t u r n i n g i n w a r d as y o u 

C o m p l e t e l y r e l a x , O h m M a n i P a d m e H u m , 
A n d u n c o n s c i o u s l y a l i g n a n d p o i s e 

Y o u r m i n d , b o d y a n d s o u l 
I n a b s o l u t e c o n c e n t r a t i o n 
T o let o u t y o u r v o i c e f r o m 

T h e deepest p i t o f y o u r s p i r i t 
A s o n l y t h e w a y y o u c a n 

W h i l e t h e rest o f t h e u n i v e r s e 
L o o k s o v e r y o u r s h o u l d e r s 

A n d f l o a t s y o u u p i n a 
S e a o f t e a r d r o p s f r o m 

T h e B u d d h a o f c o m p a s s i o n 

A n d i n t h e b l i s t e r i n g w h i r l i n g o f t h e s p h e r e s 
Y o u t u n e i n t o its t a u t n e s s , 

Its f r e q u e n c y a n d t h i c k n e s s 
U n t i l t h e r e is n o s e p a r a t i o n 

T h r o u g h s t o r m a r i d s t i l l 
You are 

Y o u r e x t e n s i o n a n d 
If a l l m a n n e r o f t h i n g s h a v e 

L o c k e d t h e m s e l v e s i n t o 
T h e m o s t s a c r e d p a t t e r n 

W h e n t h e s u n m a k e s l o v e t o t h e m o o n 
A n d t h e t i d e s r o l l b a c k w a r d t o r e v e a l 

A n c i e n t s h i p w r e c k s a n d cities 
O f so l o n g ago, yet y o u k n o w 

A n d t h e h o w l o f t h e w o l f 
B e c o m e s a n a r i a o f u n s p e a k a b l e b e a u t y . . . 

T h e n y o u are r e a d y 



Working with Heroes in Real Time 

A reflexive narrative on Charlie Phillips, a man in motion, and a true archetype of 

energy, commitment and vision 

M y f i r s t a t t e m p t s t o p u b l i c l y l i v e a n d t e l l m y s t o r y c a m e t h r o u g h t h e 

p e r f o r m a n c e o f m u s i c . I p l a y e d i n f u l l t i m e b a n d s f r o m 1 9 7 3 u n t i l 1 9 8 4 . It w a s 

s i m p l e a n d n a t u r a l m u s i c , w i t h t h e biggest t h r i l l b e i n g t h e i m p r o v i s a t i o n o f s o l o s i n 

t h e s p i r i t o f m y i d o l s . I h a d n e v e r b e e n h a p p i e r . 

It w a s t h r o u g h m y m u s i c t h a t I m e t a n d w o r k e d w i t h a m a n w h o 

p r o f o u n d l y i n s p i r e d a n d c h a n g e d m e . C h a r l i e P h i l l i p s w a s t h e s o n o f a n E n g l i s h 

f a m i l y t h a t l i v e d a n d w o r k e d i n O w e n S o u n d , O n t a r i o . T h e f a m i l y o w n e d a n d 

o p e r a t e d m o v i e t h e a t r e s a r o u n d t h e O w e n S o u n d r e g i o n . C h a r l i e ' s f a t h e r w a s t h e 

p r o j e c t i o n i s t . C h a r l i e s a w every m o v i e t h a t c a m e t h r o u g h t o w n a n d e v e n h a d t h e 

l u x u r y o f p r i v a t e s c r e e n i n g s o f t h e c a r t o o n s . C h a r l i e g r e w u p i n a c o n t e x t t h a t h a r d 

w o r k w a s t h e n o r m . 

I r e m e m b e r C h a r l i e t e l l i n g m e t h a t h i s w h o l e f a m i l y , i n c l u d i n g h i s 

g r a n d p a r e n t s w o u l d g a t h e r r e g u l a r l y at h i s D a d ' s m o v i e h o u s e . A s s o o n as t h e 

p a t r o n s f r o m F r i d a y ' s f i n a l s h o w left t h e t h e a t r e , t h e e n t i r e f a m i l y w o u l d r u s h i n 

a n d u n s c r e w a n d r e m o v e a l l t h e seats i n t h e t h e a t r e . W h i l e f a m i l y m e m b e r s c a r r i e d 

o u t t h e last seats, o t h e r f a m i l y m e m b e r s w o u l d w a s h a n d t h e n r e p a i n t t h e e n t i r e 

f l o o r . T h i s is n o t a n easy o r f u n j o b . T h e p o p a n d p o p c o r n a n d o l d g u m s t i c k 

t e n a c i o u s l y t o t h e f l o o r . B u t as p a i n t w i l l n o t a d h e r e t o a d i r t y s u r f a c e it w a s a 

n e c e s s a r y t a s k . I n t h e e a r l y m o r n i n g , as t h e p a i n t d r i e d , t h e seats w e r e b r o u g h t 

b a c k i n a n d r e m o u n t e d i n the t h e a t r e . T h e t h e a t r e w o u l d b e c o m p l e t e l y c l e a n a n d 

r e a d y t o f u n c t i o n i n t i m e f o r t h e S a t u r d a y m a t i n e e . N o f a m i l y m e m b e r s l e p t at a l l . 

108 



They simply worked into the next day and kept going. Furthermore, no one 

complained. This is but one example to demonstrate boyhood experience that 

helped Charlie to develop a heroic frame of l i v i n g . 

I met Charlie when I was an immature 19 year-old who was trying to put 

together a rock band. M y friend and bass player, W i l l Bronson, suggested that we 

audition a H a m m o n d B-3 organ player who managed the bicycle shop where W i l l 

worked. W h e n I met Charlie, who was 2 5 years old, the mythic proportions of the 

man's skills, life experiences, energy and work ethic overwhelmed me. Here was a 

man who was l i v i n g a life-not just dreaming about it, asT was. 

Charlie was a university student at this time. H e had left Owen Sound to 

attend S i m o n Fraser University. P r i o r to that, he had been on the Canadian 

National S k i Team. A s well as this achievement, Charlie had developed a passion 

for aircraft and flying, and had earned his private flying license. But n o w the focus 

was on academics. 

In true " P h i l l i p s " style, his approach to higher education was completely 

over the top. The year I met Charlie, he was studying at two schools at.-the same-

time. He was enrolled at U B C for a teaching certificate and he was finishing his 

Masters degree i n community development at the University of Western 

Washington. He also taught a remedial reading class at S F U . H e worked on the 

weekends as manager of the "Peddler" shops. W h e n he decided to j o i n us, he was 

maintaining a primary relationship. A s a student, he d i d not have a lot of money 

and so he rode his bike everywhere (including up the S F U h i l l once a week). 

One of his secrets to his ability t o work so much was that his hard driving 

psyche was connected with a fantastic metabolism that allowed h i m to r u n at full 

109 



e n e r g y w i t h o n l y f o u r h o u r s o f s l e e p a n i g h t . H e c l a i m e d t h a t t h i s a b i l i t y w a s l i n k e d 

t o h i s w o r k i n g class B r i t i s h h e r i t a g e . I h a d n e v e r m e t a n y o n e , B r i t i s h o r o t h e r w i s e , 

l i k e h i m . 

B e s i d e s h i s i m p r e s s i v e p h y s i c a l gifts, C h a r l i e ' s c h a r a c t e r v a l u e s w e r e c l e a r l y 

d e f i n e d a n d o p e r a t i o n a l . W h e n C h a r l i e m a d e a p r o m i s e t o y o u , it w a s a l w a y s k e p t . 

H e w a s a l w a y s o n t i m e a n d a l w a y s c h e e r f u l a n d f o c u s e d . C o m m i t m e n t w a s a n 

i m p o r t a n t n o t i o n f o r C h a r l i e . A l l P h i l l i p s p r o j e c t s w e r e s e e n t o t h e i r c o m p l e t i o n . 

C h a r l i e d e s p i s e d t h e t h o u g h t o f q u i t t i n g . 

C h a r l i e ' s style w i t h p e o p l e w a s h i g h l y c h a r i s m a t i c . E v e r y o n e w a n t e d t o w o r k 

w i t h P h i l l i p s . C h a r l i e h a d t h o r o u g h l y s t u d i e d t h e w o r k s o f D a l e C a r n e g i e . T h i s 

p r o g r a m gave h i m t h e i n t e r p e r s o n a l s k i l l s t o m a k e e v e r y o n e feel b o t h c o m f o r t a b l e 

a n d s p e c i a l . M o r e o v e r , it p r o v i d e d t h e t o o l s f o r C h a r l i e t o p o s i t i o n h i m s e l f as a n 

i n c r e d i b l e m o t i v a t o r - s o m e t h i n g t h a t w o u l d serve h i m w e l l as a t e a c h e r . 

O n e o f t h e m o s t i n s p i r i n g aspects o f C h a r l i e w a s h i s c r e a t i v e s i d e . H e 

c o n s t a n t l y t h o u g h t out o f t h e b o x . A s a s e n i o r G e o g r a p h y t e a c h e r , C h a r l i e t o o k h i s 

class u p g l a c i e r s . H e u s e d h i s o w n s m a l l p l a n e a n d p e r s o n a l l y f l e w e a c h s t u d e n t 

o v e r t h e N o r t h S h o r e M o u n t a i n s w h i l e p o i n t i n g o u t t h e f e a t u r e s . H e c o n n e c t e d 

w i t h every s i n g l e s t u d e n t . H e m a d e t h e c h i l d r e n b e l i e v e i n t h e m s e l v e s b y h e l p i n g 

t h e m r e a l i z e t h a t t h e y w e r e a b l e a n d c r e a t i v e b e i n g s . T h r o u g h e x a m p l e , C h a r l i e l e d 

t h e m t o t r y h a r d e r , d i g d e e p e r a n d p u l l m o r e o u t o f t h e m s e l v e s . C o n s e q u e n t l y , 

s t u d e n t s o u t c o m e s s o a r e d u p w a r d s as d i d t h e i r a p p r e c i a t i o n f o r P h i l l i p s . . 

B e i n g a r o u n d a t i t a n l i k e t h i s f o r c e d m e t o r e - t h i n k a l o t o f m y b e h a v i o r s a n d 

v a l u e s . I c o u l d n ' t h e l p b u t reflect o n m y o w n issues o f i n d e c i s i v e n e s s , 

p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n , a n d ineffective c o m m u n i c a t i o n s k i l l s . A n d I c o u l d n ' t h e l p b u t 

110 



n o t i c e h o w s m a l l m y w o r l d w a s c o m p a r e d t o C h a r l i e ' s w o r l d . A l t h o u g h I k n e w t h a t 

I c o u l d n e v e r k e e p u p w i t h C h a r l i e , I d e t e r m i n e d t o i n c o r p o r a t e as m u c h o f h i s style 

as p o s s i b l e . 

Brian Fuller, an archetype of intellectual inquiry 

B r i a n F u l l e r w a s t h e n e x t r e a l - t i m e h e r o t o i n s p i r e m e i n p r o f o u n d a n d 

e n d u r i n g w a y s . B y m y late 2 0 ' s , I h a d s u c c e e d e d i n i n t e g r a t i n g i n t o t h e " A " r o o m 

r o c k m u s i c c o m m u n i t y . T h e " A " r o o m s i n V a n c o u v e r w e r e t h e b e s t p l a c e s t o p l a y . 

T h e y w e r e p o p u l a r h a n g o u t s t h a t p a i d t h e b e s t m o n e y f o r r o c k c o v e r a c t s . 

A l t h o u g h I h a d n o t b e e n w i t h a r e c o r d i n g act, I s t i l l felt g o o d a b o u t b e i n g a w o r k i n g 

p r o f e s s i o n a l . I w a s s u r v i v i n g q u i t e w e l l a n d t h e m u s i c i n d u s t r y is a v e r y t o u g h 

i n d u s t r y t o b e i n . It is v e r y c o m p e t i t i v e a n d h a s a l o w e t h i c a l t h r e s h o l d . I h a d 

r e a c h e d t h i s l e v e l o f p r o - l e v e l c o m m e r c i a l r o c k t h r o u g h a l o t o f h a r d w o r k . I k n e w 

t h a t I h a d t o k e e p l e a r n i n g i f I w i s h e d t o p l a y f o r t h e rest o f m y l i f e . I d e c i d e d t o 

s t u d y s o m e n e w styles t o i n c r e a s e m y v e r s a t i l i t y a n d t e c h n i q u e . 

I c a n n o t r e c a l l h o w I got B r i a n ' s t e l e p h o n e n u m b e r . B r i a n is w h a t is k n o w n 

i n t h e t r a d e as a " l e g i t - p l a y e r . " H i s w o r k c o n s i s t e d o f f r e e - l a n c e u n i o n j o b s , p r i v a t e 

t e a c h i n g a n d w o r k i n g at t h e n e w V a n c o u v e r C o m m u n i t y C o l l e g e m u s i c 

d e p a r t m e n t . B r i a n ' s greatest s t r e n g t h s a p p e a r e d t o b e h i s s t r o n g s i g h t - r e a d i n g 

a b i l i t y , h i s s t y l i s t i c v e r s a t i l i t y , h i s i n n a t e m u s i c a l t a l e n t , a n d a f i r s t rate i n t e l l e c t . H e 

w a s r e c o g n i z e d as a s e r i o u s a n d gifted c l a s s i c a l p l a y e r , a l t h o u g h a l o t o f h i s 

c o m m e r c i a l w o r k r e q u i r e d h i m t o p l a y v a r i o u s e l e c t r i c styles. 

I l l 



W h e n B r i a n a g r e e d t o give m e l e s s o n s , I r e q u e s t e d a l e n g t h o f 2 h o u r s . T h e 

f i r s t h o u r w o u l d b e d e v o t e d t o c l a s s i c a l s t u d i e s a n d t h e o t h e r h o u r t o j a z z . I w a s n o t 

v e r s e d i n e i t h e r style, b u t I felt t h a t I s h o u l d b e . 

M y e a r l i e s t r e c o l l e c t i o n o f B r i a n i s t h a t o f a s m i l i n g e c t o m o r p h i c m a n w i t h 

l a r g e g l a s s e s — a q u i e t , b a l a n c e d a n d r e f l e c t i v e m a n w h o m I g u e s s e d t o b e a b o u t t e n 

y e a r s o l d e r t h a n m y s e l f . B r i a n , h i s w i f e , B a r b , a n d h i s t w o y o u n g c h i l d r e n , l i v e d i n a 

b e a u t i f u l s e c t i o n o f V a n c o u v e r t h a t w a s p o s i t i o n e d j u s t S o u t h o f C i t y H a l l . I n t h e 

late 1970's t h e r e w e r e a n u m b e r o f a r t i s t s w h o l i v e d i n t h i s m a t u r e r e s i d e n t i a l a r e a 

t h a t w a s n o t e d f o r its quiet streets a n d l a r g e d e c i d u o u s trees t h a t w o u l d r a i n s t o r m s 

o f c o l o r e d l e a v e s i n t h e f a l l . 

B r i a n w a s t h e t h i r d s o n i n a l a r g e f a m i l y o f b o y s w h o g r e w i n t h e a c a d e m i c 

s e t t i n g o f B e r k e l e y C a l i f o r n i a . H i s f a t h e r , D r . J o h n A . F u l l e r , w a s a w e l l - k n o w n 

s o c i o l o g i s t i n t h e f a c u l t y at t h e U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a , B e r k e l e y 

B r i a n a t t e n d e d B e r k e l e y a n d r e c e i v e d a B A i n c o m p a r a t i v e l i t e r a t u r e . H i s 

areas o f s p e c i a l t y w e r e G r e e k a n d E n g l i s h l i t e r a t u r e . A t t h e s a m e t i m e , h e h a d a 

l o v e o f m u s i c a n d h a d d e v e l o p e d a h i g h l e v e l o f s k i l l o n c l a s s i c a l a n d t h e n l a t e r o n 

j a z z g u i t a r . 

M e e t i n g B r i a n w a s a n o p p o r t u n i t y t o e x c h a n g e i d e a s w i t h s o m e o n e w h o 

g r e w i n a v e r y d i f f e r e n t c o n t e x t . T o g r o w u p u n d e r t h e s h a d o w o f B e r k e l e y at a t i m e 

w h e n a l l t y p e s o f n e w i n t e l l e c t u a l p a r a d i g m s w e r e b e i n g c o n s t r u c t e d i s a r a r e 

o p p o r t u n i t y . A n d , o f c o u r s e , t h e s u m m e r o f l o v e w a s 1967 a n d t h e c e n t e r o f t h e n e w 

u n i v e r s e w a s n e i g h b o r i n g S a n F r a n c i s c o . B r i a n p a r t i c i p a t e d i n t h e n e w m u s i c scene 

o f t h a t t i m e . 

112 



U n l i k e B r i a n ' s b a c k g r o u n d , m y b l u e - c o l l a r u p b r i n g i n g h a d a b s o l u t e l y n o ties 

t o A c a d e m e o r a great c i t y l i k e S a n F r a n c i s c o . M y f a t h e r w a s a s m a r t , c r e a t i v e a n d 

r u t h l e s s s u r v i v o r i n t h e w o r l d o f b u s i n e s s . M y m o t h e r w a s h o u s e w i f e . N e i t h e r h a d 

ever g o n e t o u n i v e r s i t y . I h a d a b o u t a y e a r ' s w o r t h o f u n d e r g r a d a r t s c o u r s e s t h a t I 

h a d c o l l e c t e d . B u t m y i n i t i a l d r e a m s o f h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n e n d e d w h e n t h e U B C 

m u s i c d e p a r t m e n t i n f o r m e d m e t h a t t h e y c o u l d n o t accept m e f o r g u i t a r s t u d i e s as 

t h e y d i d n o t c o n s i d e r c l a s s i c a l g u i t a r a s e r i o u s i n s t r u m e n t — a p e r p l e x i n g n o t i o n , as 

A n d r e s S e g o v i a , t h e i n t e r n a t i o n a l s t a r o f c l a s s i c a l g u i t a r , w a s a l r e a d y a n o l d m a n b y 

t h i s t i m e . C o n s e q u e n t l y , w h e n I m e t B r i a n , I w a s e x t r e m e l y u n e d u c a t e d , n a i v e 

f e l l o w w h o w a s l e a d i n g a v e r y n a r r o w l i f e . 

I l o v e d m y l e s s o n s w i t h B r i a n . A l t h o u g h , h e f o c u s e d o n m u s i c , I l e a r n e d 

e q u a l l y as m u c h a b o u t l i f e f r o m w a t c h i n g h i m a n d a s k i n g h i m q u e s t i o n s . T h a t is t o 

say, t h e m u s i c l e s s o n s a c t e d as a n e n t r y p o i n t t o see a b i g g e r w o r l d — o n e t h a t k n e w 

l i t t l e of. W h a t I d i d n o t r e a l i z e at t h e t i m e w a s t h a t t h e l e a r n i n g o f o t h e r styles o f 

m u s i c n e c e s s i t a t e d t h e l e a r n i n g o f n e w c u l t u r e s a n d t h e i r v a l u e s , as m u s i c i s , i n 

g e n e r a l t e r m s , o n e o f t h e m a i n v o i c e s o f c u l t u r e . (I l e a r n e d l a t e r t h a t o n e u s u a l l y 

n e e d e d t o e m b r a c e c e r t a i n v a l u e s o f a c u l t u r e i f o n e w i s h e s t o c r e d i b l y d i a l o g u e its 

m u s i c . ) 

B r i a n , t h r o u g h h i s c o n n e c t i o n a n d h e r i t a g e t o t h e great h i s t o r y o f W e s t e r n 

t h o u g h t a n d v a l u e s , t a u g h t m e t h e i m p o r t a n c e a n d r o l e o f t h e i n t e l l e c t i n m u s i c 

t h a t l e d t o , a m o n g o t h e r t h i n g s , a n a p p r o a c h o f i n t e l l e c t u a l s e n s i t i v i t y a n d s u b t l e t y 

t h a t I h a d p r e v i o u s l y b e e n u n a w a r e of. I n fact, t h r o u g h m y " g y p s y m e e t s r o c k a n d 

b l u e s " c o n t e x t , I h a d n e v e r r e a l l y r e f l e c t e d o n t h e i n t e l l e c t u a l a p p r o a c h t o m u s i c . 

T o t h i s p o i n t , m y m u s i c v a l u e d a n d a c c e n t e d t h e v o i c e o f e m o t i o n / h e a r t a n d s p i r i t . 

113 



T o u s e a v i s u a l art a n a l o g y , I w a s p a i n t i n g s o n i c l a n d s c a p e s w i t h a l l t h e p r i m a r y 

c o l o r s - m a g n i f i c e n t r e d s , y e l l o w s a n d b l u e s . T h r o u g h B r i a n , I l e a r n e d a b o u t g r a y s , 

p u r p l e s a n d s h a d e s b e t w e e n t h e o b v i o u s . 

In o u r c o n v e r s a t i o n s , I l e a r n e d t h a t t h e w o r l d w a s a l o t m o r e c o m p l e x t h a n I 

w a s a c k n o w l e d g i n g . F o r e x a m p l e , as o u r c o n v e r s a t i o n s e v o l v e d , I b e c a m e a w a r e o f 

m y t e n d e n c y t o g e n e r a l i z e . B r i a n , h o w e v e r , w a s i n c r e d i b l y r e t i c e n t a b o u t m a k i n g 

s w e e p i n g s t a t e m e n t s a b o u t a n y subject. I l e a r n e d t h a t i s s u e s h a v e m a n y s i d e s a n d 

o n e m u s t c a r e f u l l y c o n s i d e r t h i s b e f o r e d r a w i n g a n y c o n c l u s i o n s . B r i a n a l s o m a d e 

m e c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h t h e n o t i o n that n o t e v e r y t h i n g c a n b e o r n e e d s t o b e 

e x p l a i n e d . 

I o w e m y p o s t - s e c o n d a r y e d u c a t i o n t o B r i a n ' s p r o d d i n g . I k n o w t h a t I w a s 

i n u n d a t i n g B r i a n w i t h a l l m a n n e r o f m u s i c a l q u e s t i o n s . H e felt t h a t I s h o u l d 

c o n s i d e r a t t e n d i n g V a n c o u v e r C o m m u n i t y C o l l e g e m u s i c s c h o o l as h e e x p l a i n e d 

t h a t h e d i d n o t feel it w a s p o s s i b l e t o a n s w e r a l l m y q u e s t i o n s i n t h e s h o r t t i m e 

a f f o r d e d b y p r i v a t e l e s s o n s . B r i a n w a s t h e g u i t a r t e a c h e r at t h e s c h o o l a n d , as s u c h , 

m y l e s s o n s w o u l d c o n t i n u e , b u t I c o u l d a t t e n d c o u r s e s i n t h e o r y , h i s t o r y , a n d ear 

t r a i n i n g . I f o l l o w e d h i s r e c o m m e n d a t i o n a n d w a l k e d i n t o t h e w o r l d o f h i g h e r 

l e a r n i n g a n d e v e n t u a l l y i n t o t e a c h i n g . 

The Impact of my Heroes on my Teaching 

A s I h a v e l e a r n e d so m u c h a b o u t t e a c h i n g f r o m so m a n y p e o p l e , I f i n d it 

h a r d t o l i m i t t h e d i s c u s s i o n t o j u s t t h e i n f l u e n c e o f C h a r l i e a n d B r i a n . W i t h o u t 

h a v i n g m e t B r i a n , h o w e v e r , I r e a l i z e t h a t I p r o b a b l y w o u l d n o t h a v e b e c o m e a 

t e a c h e r , as I w o u l d n o t have t h e e d u c a t i o n a l c r e d e n t i a l s t h a t I n o w p o s s e s s . B r i a n 

114 



i n s p i r e d m e a n d s u p p o r t e d m y e n d e a v o r s t o g a i n a degree t h r o u g h a d u a l t r a c k 

s c h o o l . I e n d e d u p e m e r g i n g as a b a n d i n s t r u c t o r t h a t felt e q u a l l y c o m f o r t a b l e 

t e a c h i n g c l a s s i c a l , j a z z , o r p o p m u s i c . T h i s s t r e n g t h o f d i v e r s i t y h a s f o r m e d t h e 

b u i l d i n g b l o c k s o f m y p r o g r a m at S e a V i e w w h e r e i n s t u d e n t s h a v e t h e c h o i c e t o 

f o l l o w a c l a s s i c a l , j a z z o r R & B p a t h . 

B r i a n a l s o n u r t u r e d t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f m y o w n a b i l i t i e s o n m y g u i t a r . I 

s t u d i e d c l a s s i c a l g u i t a r a n d f l o u r i s h e d i n t h e j a z z i d i o m . T h i s h a s a l l o w e d m e t o 

i n s p i r e m y s t u d e n t s t h r o u g h m y o w n p l a y i n g . I sense t h a t t h e c h i l d r e n k n o w t h a t I 

a m a " r e a l p l a y e r " as w e l l as a t e a c h e r a n d t h i s gives m e a l o t o f c r e d i b i l i t y . 

C r e d i b i l i t y t r a n s l a t e s i n t o respect a n d respect t h a t is e a r n e d is a k e y i n g r e d i e n t t o 

s u c c e s s f u l t e a c h i n g . 

I a m s u r e t h a t it is i n p a r t t h r o u g h B r i a n ' s e x a m p l e t h a t I h a v e m o v i n g i n t o 

g r a d u a t e w o r k . A n u m b e r o f y e a r s ago, B r i a n r e t u r n e d t o s c h o o l a n d e a r n e d h i s 

P h D . H e n o w teaches at U B C i n t h e c l a s s i c s d e p a r t m e n t . It s e e m e d t o b e a n a t u r a l 

e v o l u t i o n . I p h o n e d h i m w h e n I e n r o l l e d . H e w a s v e r y h a p p y f o r m e . 

C h a r l i e w a s a h i g h s c h o o l t e a c h e r f o r 2 7 y e a r s . H e w a s a n o u t s t a n d i n g 

e x a m p l e f o r m e . H e e v e n c o n v i n c e d t h e W e s t V a n c o u v e r s c h o o l b o a r d t o t a k e a 

c h a n c e o n m e as a m u s i c t e a c h e r at S e a V i e w s e c o n d a r y w h e r e h e w a s t e a c h i n g . 

W h e n h e m o v e d o u t o f g e o g r a p h y a n d s t a r t e d t e a c h i n g d r a m a , w e c o - w r o t e a n d 

p r o d u c e d f o u r o r i g i n a l m u s i c a l s f o r t h e s c h o o l . (See " T h e B l u e s B r o t h e r s - a 

M u s i c a l . " ) I t r i e d a n d s t i l l c o n t i n u e t o t r y t o i n c o r p o r a t e h i s l e v e l o f C o m m i t m e n t , 

v i s i o n , a n d e n e r g y t o m y p e d a g o g y . A n d l i k e h i m , I w o r k h a r d t o m a k e t h e c h i l d r e n 

feel s p e c i a l a n d e m p o w e r e d . 

115 



On Becoming (My Own Hero?) 

C h a r l i e a n d B r i a n r e p r e s e n t e d t w o o f m y biggest m e n t o r s . B u t , l i k e every 

o t h e r h u m a n , I a m c o n s t a n t l y b e i n g e x p o s e d t o n e w i d e a s a n d w a y s o f b e i n g a n d I 

s t i l l a b s o r b a n d i n c o r p o r a t e i d e a s a n d b e h a v i o r s t h a t c o u l d p o t e n t i a l l y w o r k f o r m e . 

C o m i n g b a c k t o s c h o o l is a s s i s t i n g t h i s p r o c e s s . I h a v e m e t a n d b e e n c h a l l e n g e d b y 

a w o n d e r f u l c o m p l e m e n t o f p r o f e s s o r s a n d s t u d e n t s . I t h r i v e o n t h i s . B u t as a n 

a d u l t m a l e w i t h a f a m i l y , e d u c a t i o n , a n d s e v e n t e e n y e a r s o f t e a c h i n g e x p e r i e n c e , I 

r e s p o n d d i f f e r e n t l y t h a n I d i d as a y o u n g m a n . 

I k n o w t h a t these real t i m e h e r o e s p r o v i d e d m e w i t h l e a r n i n g t h a t I w a s 

n o t a b l e t o g l e a m f r o m m y f a t h e r o r m y h o m e . I s o m e t i m e s v i e w t h e s e r e a l t i m e 

h e r o e s as s u r r o g a t e f a t h e r s . T h e r e r e a c h e d a p o i n t , h o w e v e r , w h e n I r e a l i z e d t h a t I 

h a d t o b e c o m e m y o w n m a n . I h a d b e e n v e r y o p e n t o these m e n , b u t it w a s t i m e f o r 

m e t o b e c o m e m y o w n h e r o . It w o u l d r e q u i r e t w o i m p o r t a n t p s y c h o l o g i c a l s t e p s : 

f i r s t , I w o u l d h a v e t o l e a r n t o l i s t e n a n d t r u s t m y o w n h e a r t a n d s e n s e s . S e c o n d l y , I 

n e e d e d t o p a r t i c i p a t e m o r e a c t i v e l y i n t h e r e a l w o r l d . 

A n d so I c o n s c i o u s l y d e c i d e d t o start s t a n d i n g o n m y o w n a n d d e v e l o p i n g 

m y o w n sense o f self. T o a n extent, I h a v e i n t e g r a t e d a n d g r o w n - u p . A l t h o u g h I 

d o n ' t see m y s e l f as a " H e r o , " p e r se, I l i s t e n t o m y o w n v o i c e a n d c o n s t a n t l y w o r k 

o n b e i n g t r u e t o w h o e v e r I a m at a n y g i v e n t i m e . 

I p e r c e i v e m y M a s t e r ' s p r o g r a m as a n i m p o r t a n t t r a n s f o r m a t i o n a l act. I h a v e 

a l i f e g o a l a n d c o m m i t m e n t t o u n f o l d m y p o t e n t i a l p h y s i c a l l y , e m o t i o n a l l y , 

m e n t a l l y , a r t i s t i c a l l y , a n d s p i r i t u a l l y . B y d e v e l o p i n g m y s e l f t h r o u g h t h e c h a l l e n g e s 

o f a g r a d u a t e d e g r e e , I a m s t r i k i n g o u t o n o n e o f t h e l a s t n e g l e c t e d f r o n t i e r s . I l o v e 

116 



it. I w i l l s a v o u r it. I w i l l b i t e t h e e x p e r i e n c e t o t h e b o n e . I n d o i n g s o , I w i l l release 

t h e h e r o i n m e . 

P e o p l e say t h a t w h a t w e ' r e a l l s e e k i n g i s a m e a n i n g f o r l i f e . I d o n ' t t h i n k t h i s 
is w h a t w e ' r e r e a l l y s e e k i n g . I t h i n k t h a t w h a t w e ' r e s e e k i n g i s a n e x p e r i e n c e 
o f b e i n g a l i v e , so t h a t o u r l i f e e x p e r i e n c e s o n t h e p u r e l y p h y s i c a l p l a n e w i l l 
h a v e r e s o n a n c e s w i t h i n o u r o w n i n n e r m o s t b e i n g a n d r e a l i t y , s o t h a t w e 
a c t u a l l y feel t h e r a p t u r e o f b e i n g a l i v e ( C a m p b e l l , 1988, p.5.) 

117 



Section III 

An Analysis of the Renderings 

Reflections on the A/r/tographic Process 

A l t h o u g h it e v o l v e d o r g a n i c a l l y , t h e p r o c e s s i n w r i t i n g m y t h e s i s s u r p r i s e d 

m e i n i t s c o n s i s t e n t , r i t u a l i z e d a p p r o a c h . T h e p o e t r y a n d n a r r a t i v e s a l w a y s c a m e 

o u t first. I n p a r t , t h i s w a s a c o n s c i o u s d e c i s i o n t o free t h e p o e t r y f r o m t h e a r t i s t i c 

s h a c k l e s t h a t are i m p o s e d o n s o n g l y r i c s . H a v i n g w r i t t e n n u m e r o u s s o n g s o v e r t h e 

y e a r s , I w a s c o n c e r n e d t h a t p o e t r y w o u l d b e s u b j u g a t e d t o t h e l i m i t s o f t h e m u s i c a l 

p h r a s e s . I a l s o f e a r e d t h a t I m i g h t w o r r y m o r e a b o u t i s s u e s o f r h y m e a n d s u c h , 

r a t h e r t h a n d i g i n a n d w r i t e m y best p o e t r y . I n s h o r t , I w a n t e d p o e t i c c o n t e n t t o 

t r i u m p h o v e r i s s u e s o f f o r m . 

A l t h o u g h c o l l e a g u e s i n t h e l a n g u a g e arts m a y d i s a g r e e , I f i n d t h e c r e a t i o n o f 

m u s i c t o b e m o r e s u p p l e a n d a d a p t a b l e t h a n p o e t r y . F r o m m y p e r s p e c t i v e , t h e 

p o e t r y d i d n o t i n h i b i t t h e m u s i c as m u c h as it a c t e d as a catalyst f o r s o n i c 

e x p r e s s i o n . M u s i c a l e x p r e s s i o n — u n l i k e p o e t r y , a h i g h l y c o n c e n t r a t e d a n d , 

t h e r e f o r e , f r a g i l e art f o r m — s e e m s t o b e a b l e t o effortlessly w r a p a r o u n d a v a r i e t y o f 

p o e t i c f o r m s a n d i n t e n s i f y t h e p o e t i c c o n t e n t i n s u b l i m e w a y s . 

I n t e r m s o f r i t u a l i z e d p r o c e s s , I w r o t e a l l t h e p o e t r y i n o u r h o m e s t u d y 

s p a c e . P r i o r t o w r i t i n g t h e p o e t r y , I w o u l d a t t e m p t t o r e a c h t h e site o f t h e a r a t i o n a l 

t h r o u g h m e d i t a t i o n . A t best, t h e m e d i t a t i v e p r o c e s s w o u l d t h r o w m e i n t o a state o f 

p r o f o u n d c l a r i t y o r , at w o r s e , c a l m d o w n s o m e o f t h e n o i s y c h a t t e r i n m y b r a i n . 

O n e m a y refer t o t h e p o e m , The Goddess of Innovation, f o r m e t a p h o r i c i n s i g h t s 

i n t o t h a t p r o c e s s . T h i s p l a c e o f p r o f o u n d s i l e n c e / i n t u i t i v e k n o w i n g w o u l d u s u a l l y 

118 



p r e d i c a t e t h e e m e r g e n c e o f a t o p i c o r a l i n e o r a h o o k i n t o a p o e m . A t t h a t p o i n t , I 

w o u l d t r y / n o t t r y t o u n w r i t e / w r i t e a p o e m b y a l l o w i n g as m a n y i d e a s as p o s s i b l e t o 

s u r f a c e b e f o r e m y a n a l y t i c a l b r a i n b e c a m e a c t i v a t e d . M y r a t i o n a l i n t e l l i g e n c e w o u l d 

b e v e r y i m p o r t a n t f o r t h e f i n e - t u n i n g after t h e s o u l o f t h e p o e m w a s r e l e a s e d . T o 

q u o t e m y s e l f f r o m t h e Fable of the Sculptor,"... t h e p a t h is n o w c l e a r - r e l e a s e t h e 

deep i n t u i t i v e f e e l i n g f i r s t a n d t h e n reflect a n d r e s p o n d t h r o u g h i n t e l l i g e n c e a n d 

o b s e r v e r a e s t h e t i c s . " 

F o r m e , t h e r e w a s a n e e d f o r a r a t i o n a l a n d r a t i o n a l c r e a t i v i t y t o e m e r g e f r o m 

t h i s p r o c e s s . M y efforts w e r e d i r e c t e d at t a p p i n g i n t o t h e i n t u i t i v e / a r a t i o n a l s p a c e 

f i r s t , i n o r d e r t o release d e e p e r i s s u e s a n d a l l o f t h e i r r e q u i s i t e p a s s i o n a n d f e e l i n g s . 

M y r a t i o n a l m i n d t h e n r e v i e w e d , f o c u s e d , a n d c l a r i f i e d t h e s e d i r e c t e d f e e l i n g s . 

T h e r a t i o n a l r e v i e w a n d e d i t i n g p r o c e s s w o u l d c a r r y o n f o r a p e r i o d o f t i m e . 

C o m i n g b a c k t o a p o e m at a l a t e r date o f t e n a l l o w e d m e t o see t h e p o e m f r o m a n e w 

p e r s p e c t i v e . T h e r e w o u l d r e a c h a p o i n t , h o w e v e r , w h e r e t h e p o e m w a s f a i r l y 

f i n i s h e d . T h a t s a i d , I d o n ' t t h i n k it ever e n d s , b u t I w o u l d t h e n start t o c o m p o s e t h e 

m u s i c . 

C o m p o s i n g m u s i c is a p r o c e s s t h a t I l o v e . F i n d i n g t h e " r i g h t " n o t e s t o 

e x p r e s s m y f e e l i n g s h a s c o n s i s t e n t l y b e e n a f u l f i l l i n g p r o c e s s . I h a d a m a k e s h i f t 

s t u d i o i n a d o w n s t a i r s r o o m o f o u r h o u s e w h e r e I h a d access t o m y g u i t a r s , 

k e y b o a r d s , a n d a Gs/Pro T o o l s s y s t e m t o f a c i l i t a t e t h e c o m p o s i t i o n a n d r e c o r d i n g 

o f t h e m u s i c . 

T h e c o m p o s i t i o n a l p r o c e s s p a r a l l e l s t h e w r i t i n g p r o c e s s i n t h a t I w o u l d 

u s u a l l y m e d i t a t e , r e a d t h e p o e m , a n d t h e n a l l o w t h e m u s i c t o r i s e u p t h r o u g h t h e 

a r a t i o n a l . O n e o f t h e f i r s t d e t e r m i n a n t s o r u n c o n s c i o u s d e c i s i o n s I w o u l d m a k e w a s 

1 1 9 



t o a d d r e s s t h e m o o d a n d p i c k a n a p p r o p r i a t e t e m p o . O f t e n , I w o u l d n o t b e a w a r e o f 

t h i s s t e p , h a v i n g a l r e a d y m a d e it at s o m e i n t u i t i v e l e v e l . I n s t e a d , m u s i c w o u l d c o m e 

o u t o f m y f i n g e r s a n d heart. W h e n t h e p r o c e s s is g o i n g w e l l , it feels l i k e t h e f i n g e r s 

are p l a y i n g t h e m s e l v e s — i n d e e d , I feel m o r e l i k e a n o b s e r v e r t h a n a w i l l f u l c r e a t o r . 

A s w i t h t h e w r i t i n g p r o c e s s , m y r a t i o n a l m i n d w o u l d b e u s e d t o reflect u p o n , 

c l a r i f y , a n d f o c u s t h e m u s i c i d e a s , o n c e t h e i n i t i a l i n t u i t i v e i m p u l s e h a d b e e n 

e x p r e s s e d . T h e c h a n g e f r o m a r a t i o n a l / i n t u i t i v e p r o c e s s t o r a t i o n a l / c o n t e x t u a l 

c e n t e r e d t h i n k i n g p r o c e s s is best t h o u g h t o f t h r o u g h t h e a n a l o g o u s m o d e l o f a 

c o n t i n u u m , w i t h these t w o p r o c e s s e s at e i t h e r e n d . It is c e r t a i n l y n o t a n " e i t h e r / o r " 

p r o p o s i t i o n . A t a n y g i v e n t i m e , I sense t h a t I a m l o c a t e d i n a d r i f t b e t w e e n these 

t w o e x t r e m e s . 

M y m u s i c a l e x p r e s s i o n w a s a l s o subject t o n u m e r o u s r e v i e w s a n d e d i t s . A s 

I w a s t h e o n l y p l a y e r i n v o l v e d , I h a d t o l a y e r o n i n s t r u m e n t a l a n d v o c a l t r a c k s o n e 

at a t i m e . A g a i n , e a c h t r a c k r e q u i r e d b o t h i n s p i r a t i o n a n d r e f l e c t i o n . 

I n g e n e r a l , m y r e c o r d i n g o f s p o k e n p e r f o r m a n c e s o f p o e t r y a n d s t o r i e s w a s a 

d i f f i c u l t p r o c e s s . P r o f e s s o r L e g g o ' s p u b l i c r e a d i n g s o f h i s p o e t r y h a v e b e e n a 

c o n s t a n t s o u r c e o f i n s p i r a t i o n . P o e t s e m b r a c e t h e n o t i o n o f p e r f o r m a n c e p o e t r y as 

a m e a n s t o f u r t h e r release m e a n i n g f r o m p o e t r y . I f o u n d , t o m y d i s m a y , t h a t I h a v e 

n e i t h e r t h e r e q u i s i t e s k i l l set, n o r t h e t i m b r e o f v o i c e t o d e l i v e r m y p o e t r y t o t h e 

l e v e l o f s a t i s f a c t i o n t h a t I r e a l i z e f r o m m y m u s i c a l p e r f o r m a n c e s . I w a s t e m p t e d t o 

ask s o m e o n e else t o p e r f o r m a r e a d i n g o f m y p o e t r y , b u t I k n o w t h a t it is m y p o e t r y 

a n d t h a t I m u s t l e a r n t o p r e s e n t it. 

120 



The Opening of the Golden Flower— the Mirage of Epiphany 

E a s t e r n m e t a p h y s i c s refers t o t h e n o t i o n o f o p e n i n g t h e g o l d e n f l o w e r . T h i s 

c o n c e p t is a m e t a p h o r f o r yet a n o t h e r m e t a p h o r a b o u t t h e a w a k e n i n g o f t h e t h i r d 

eye o r t h e a w a k e n i n g o f e n l i g h t e n m e n t i n oneself. T h e a d v e n t u r e o f a w a k e n i n g 

t h r o u g h t h e j o u r n e y o f m y m a s t e r ' s degree h a s b e e n i n v i g o r a t i n g yet d i s c o u r a g i n g , 

e x p a n s i v e yet e m b a r r a s s i n g , f u l f i l l i n g yet e m p t y w i t h u n a n s w e r e d q u e s t i o n s . 

P e r h a p s , q u e s t i o n s n e v e r r e a l l y c h a n g e . P e r h a p s , it is j u s t t h e s h i f t i n p e r c e p t u a l 

a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l c o n t e x t t h a t creates a m i r a g e o f e p i p h a n y . I n a h o u s e o f p e r c e p t u a l 

m i r r o r s , I h a v e m o v e d f o r w a r d , b a c k w a r d , o r s t a y e d i n t h e s a m e p l a c e . A r g u m e n t s 

c a n b e m a d e f o r a n y o f these p o s i t i o n s . 

A n u m b e r o f r e c u r r i n g t h e m e s h a v e s u r f a c e d i n m y a r a t i o n a l w r i t i n g s . T h e s e t h e m e s 

w e r e c h o s e n f o r t h e i r f r e q u e n c y w i t h i n v a r i o u s w r i t i n g s a n d w e r e d u e t o t h e e m o t i o n a l 

w e i g h t t h e y c a r r y f o r m e . T h e c o n t e n t o f t h e t h e m e s r a n g e w i d e l y as a r t i f i c i a l l i n e s b l u r 

b e t w e e n m y r o l e s as a r t i s t , t e a c h e r , r e s e a r c h e r . I h a v e s e l e c t e d s e v e n m a j o r t h e m e s t o 

reflect u p o n . 

P e r s o n a l c o n t e x t a n d c o n t e x t f o r m a t i o n 

• H e r o e s ( c r e a t i o n , d e m i s e , a n d p r o b l e m s w i t h ) a n d a s p i r a t i o n s 

• R e g r e t s 

• A n g e r w i t h t h e p r e v a i l i n g c u l t u r e 

• N e w b e g i n n i n g s 

• T h e i m p o r t a n c e o f A r t i s t i c / T r a n s c e n d e n t / A r a t i o n a l spaces 

• R e f l e c t i o n s a n d i n t i m a t e l o o k s i n t o t h e f o r m a n d f u n c t i o n o f e d u c a t i o n a l 

l a n d s c a p e 

121 



Personal context and contextual formation 

A s e e m i n g l y d i s p r o p o r t i o n a t e a m o u n t o f m y w r i t i n g s e e m s l i n k e d t o a n 

a w a r e n e s s o f p e r s o n a l c o n t e x t , its c r e a t i o n , a n d r a m i f i c a t i o n s (i.e., The Master 

Frame, The Unnatural Act, The Hi-fi, I am Guitar, I am Starting (to Lose), I've 

(Em)braced, a n d The Story of Finding My Path). B y p e r s o n a l c o n t e x t , I refer t o a 

n o t i o n o f w h o I t h i n k I a m a n d t h e v a l u e s , b e l i e f s , e t h i c s , a n d p r i o r i t i e s — c o n s c i o u s 

o r o t h e r w i s e — t h a t I h o l d w i t h i n m e t h a t d i r e c t h o w I i n t e r p r e t p h e n o m e n a i n m y 

l i f e . 

T h e t o p i c o f p e r s o n a l c o n t e x t a n d c r e a t i o n o f a f r a m e o r l e n s o f r e f e r e n c e is 

d i r e c t l y a d d r e s s e d i n The Master Frame. T h e a r r i v a l o f o u r d a u g h t e r , E m i l y , gave 

m e great cause t o reflect u p o n m y i m p a c t o n t h e f o r m a t i o n o f h e r v a l u e s a n d 

b e l i e f s . A n d l i k e m a n y f i r s t t i m e f a t h e r s , I w a n t t o d o a g o o d j o b , b u t it is s o m e t h i n g 

n e w t o m e . 

A n d b e i n g v e r y k e e n , yet a l l t h e s a m e 
L a c k i n g r e a l e x p e r i e n c e , w e f o l l o w t h e p l a n s 

V e r y s l o w l y a n d c a r e f u l l y , c h e c k i n g t h e l a y o f t h e l a n d 

I a m v e r y c o n s c i o u s t h a t h e r c o l l e c t i o n a n d r e - c o l l e c t i o n o f o u r a c t i v i t i e s w i l l 

s h a p e h e r . A n d I a m a l s o a w a r e o f t h e t e x t u a l s u b - p l o t I c a n r u n d u r i n g t h e s e 

a c t i v i t i e s w h e r e I c a n d i s c u s s i s s u e s o f i m p o r t a n c e . 

S h e passes m e t h e w o o d a n d t h e s i d i n g 
A n d w i t h the greatest p a i n s , h o l d s t h e b e a m s steady f o r 

T h e M a s t e r F r a m e as I m e a s u r e a n d p e n c i l a n d 
P o u n d t h e n a i l s i n t o t h e w a l l b o a r d s as w e l l as 
I n t o t h e s t o r y b o a r d o f h e r m y t h f o r w e t a l k 

I n c e s s a n t l y a n d w o r k c o - o p e r a t i v e l y t o r a i s e a s t r u c t u r e a n d 
A c o h e s i v e e n v i r o n m e n t n o t o n l y o u t o f 

W o o d a n d p a p e r a n d n a i l s b u t o f d r e a m s a n d s c h e m e s a n d 

122 



V a l u e s t h a t o f t e n p r e v a i l i n m y o w n M a s t e r F r a m e 

M y p r e o c c u p a t i o n w i t h h o w o n e l o o k s a n d a g e n d i z e s o r c o l o u r s p h e n o m e n a 

b e c o m e s s t i r r e d w h e n I a m w i t h E m i l y b e c a u s e it m a k e s m e t h i n k a b o u t h o w l i t t l e 

m y f a t h e r w a s i n v o l v e d i n m y l i f e . I n d e e d , t h i s a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s h a s m a d e m e 

r e a l i z e t h a t I s t i l l c a r r y f r u s t r a t i o n d u e t o t h e l a c k o f p a r t i c i p a t i o n f r o m m y f a t h e r 

w i t h m y d e v e l o p m e n t . 

I n m a n y w a y s , t h e T V w a s m y f i r s t s u r r o g a t e f a t h e r a n d p u r v e y o r o f m y t h , 

r i t u a l , t r a d i t i o n , a n d v a l u e s . I f i n d it s t u n n i n g l y i r o n i c t h a t I w a s b e i n g s h a p e d b y 

t h e v a l u e s a n d a g e n d a o f c o r p o r a t e U n i t e d States o f A m e r i c a w h i l e m y r e a l D a d sat 

a n d w a t c h e d b e s i d e m e i n a n e a r - c o m a t o s e state o f n o n - r e a c t i o n . L a t e r , as a n a d u l t 

I w o u l d h a v e t o d e a l w i t h a l l t h i s c o m m e r c i a l p r o g r a m m i n g o f m y taste a n d 

p r i o r i t i e s . It s e e m e d h a r m l e s s at t h e t i m e , b u t u l t i m a t e l y t h e act o f d a i l y T V v i e w i n g 

r o o t e d w i t h i n m e a c o r e set o f b e l i e f s a n d a p p r o a c h t o l i f e t h a t I h a v e h a d t o s p e n d 

y e a r s w r e s t l i n g o u t o f m y c o n s c i o u s n e s s . 

H o w m u c h d i d I l a u g h ? H o w m u c h d o I h a t e 
H o w d e e p these m y t h s d i d s i n k a n d f o r m u l a t e 

M y b r a i n a n d assist i n t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f b l a c k a n d w h i t e r e d u c t i o n i s m 
T h a t d r o v e m e a n d a y o u n g n a t i o n o f o v e r s t i m u l a t e d r o m a n t i c s t o 

R e b e l at t h e a n t i c s o f a w o r l d t h a t w e r e a l l y d i d n ' t k n o w , 
T u n e o u t a n d o n w i t h t h e s h o w ! 

( f r o m The Unnatural Act) 

U n k n o w i n g l y , m y f a t h e r a l l o w e d t e l e v i s i o n t o d e v e l o p a s i g n i f i c a n t p a r t o f 

m y n a s c e n t c o n t e x t u a l f r a m e . H e a l s o p u r c h a s e d , f o r h i s e n t e r t a i n m e n t , a 

w o n d e r f u l h i - f i d e l i t y r e c o r d p l a y e r . B u t h i s m u s i c o f c h o i c e , t h e w i l d E a s t e r n 

1 2 3 



E u r o p e a n g y p s y a n d o t h e r e t h n i c m u s i c f o r m s , h o o k e d m e o n t h e t r e m e n d o u s 

m a g i c a l effect t h a t m u s i c c a n h a v e o n m e . 

M y e m o t i o n s a n d b o d y w e r e k i d n a p p e d a n d f o r c e d t o r i d e t h i s s o n i c r o l l e r 
coaster. It w a s as i f t h e m u s i c c o u l d s o m e h o w c h a r g e u p m y w h o l e s y s t e m . 
P e r h a p s w e c o u l d b l a m e it o n m y g e n e t i c s , b u t , f o r w h a t e v e r r e a s o n , t h i s 
m u s i c f o u n d its w a y t o t h e v e r y c o r e o f m y b e i n g . It j u s t a b o u t d r o v e m e 
c r a z y . I w o u l d s l o w l y s w a y t o t h e m o u r n f u l o p e n i n g t h e m e , (there is a l w a y s 
s o r r o w i n a n y g y p s y p i e c e o f m e r i t ) , a n d t h e n , u n c o n t r o l l a b l y , I w o u l d h a v e 
t o d a n c e as t h e t e m p o a c c e l e r a t e d . I w a s t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o a m a r i o n e t t e a n d 
t h e m u s i c w a s t h e m a s t e r p u p p e t e e r . A s t h e b a n d w o u l d r o c k e t t o a " P r e s t o " 
t e m p o I w o u l d b e f o r c e d t o r u n , n o n - s t o p , i n c i r c l e s t h r o u g h t h e r o o m s o f 
t h e h o u s e . T h i s c r a z y p u p p e t d a n c e w o u l d c o n t i n u e u n t i l t h e t r i u m p h a n t 
f i n i s h h a d m e c o l l a p s i n g i n t o a c h a i r , b r e a t h l e s s a n d s w e a t i n g p r o f u s e l y , 

( f r o m The Hi-Fi) 

I am Guitar is a p o e m c o n c e r n e d w i t h t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f m u s i c a l self-

e x p r e s s i o n at t h e o t h e r e n d o f m y l i f e c o n t i n u u m . It c o m e s o u t o f a d e f e n s i v e 

p o s t u r e a b o u t m y n e e d / w a n t t o h a v e s o m e d a i l y p r a c t i c e t i m e , h e n c e , t h e 

m a n t r a - l i k e r e f r a i n t h a t k e e p s b u i l d i n g : 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y 

A n d . . 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y , 

It w i l l n o t go away... 

A n d f i n a l l y . . . 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y 

It w i l l n o t go a w a y 
U n t i l I d o 

T h e p e r s o n a l b e n e f i t s are h u g e . 

124 



T h e g u i t a r h a s s o o t h e d m e , c h a l l e n g e d m e , 
D e l i g h t e d m e a n d g r o u n d e d m e 

T h r o u g h o u t a l l t h e m a n y c h a l l e n g e s 
T h a t I h a v e e n d u r e d i n t h i s s o m e t i m e s 

L u m p y , s a d c l o w n 
P l a n e o f e x i s t e n c e . 

It h a s s u p p o r t e d m e t h r o u g h v a r i o u s j o b s , 
B o r i n g r o u t i n e s , m i n d - d e a d e n i n g s i t u a t i o n s , 

O v e r - w o r k , a n d n e g a t i v e p e o p l e . 

It h a s l i s t e n e d t o m e t a l k t h r o u g h 
T h e a c c e l e r a t i o n o f 

E v e r - c h a n g i n g e x p e r i e n c e s , 
R e l e n t l e s s c h a l l e n g e s , 

T h e c o m i n g a n d g o i n g o f r e l a t i o n s h i p s , 
A n d o f b a l a n c e w i t h i n m y s e l f 

S o m e h o w it h a s a l w a y s h e l p e d k e e p m e i n c h e c k , 
T h e m a g n i t u d e o f its e x p e r i e n c e , 

Its p o t e n t i a l a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l a n d e m o t i o n a l palette h a v i n g n o w 
U n d e r p i n n e d m y w h o l e p o i n t o f v i e w , 

M y e n t i r e v a l u e s y s t e m . 
A n d so t h e l i n e s b e t w e e n " g u i t a r " a n d "I" h a v e b l u r r e d 

T h e p o e m closes w i t h t h e n o t i o n o f r e - c o m m i t m e n t . 

A n d i f t h e a r c h e t y p e o f t r a g e d y 
R o l l s o v e r m e a n d 

D e c i m a t e s a l l t h a t I h a v e w o r k e d 
S o h a r d f o r a n d 

D e s t r o y s m y f a m i l y , 
M y c o r e , 

A n d b r i n g s m e t o m y k n e e s , b l i n d a n d c r i p p l e d 
I n a p a t h e t i c h e a p o f c r u s h e d h u m a n i t y 

I w i l l c r a w l o n h a n d s a n d k n e e s 
T o f i n d m y g u i t a r t o c r y t h r o u g h 

A n d t h o u g h it w i l l n o t offer s o l u t i o n , 
It w i l l give s o m e s o l a c e a n d s e l f - r e f l e c t i o n b e c a u s e 

I a m g u i t a r 
It w i l l n o t go a w a y 

It w i l l n o t go a w a y 

125 



U n t i l I d o 

T h u s t h i s p o e m e n a b l e s m e t o r e v e a l a n d e v a l u a t e t h e i m p a c t o f g u i t a r i n m y 

l i f e w i t h t h e h o p e s o f c o n f e r r i n g t h a t a l l b o u n d a r i e s b e t w e e n m y s e l f a n d t h e 

i n s t r u m e n t h a v e v a p o r i z e d — w e h a v e e n t a n g l e d t o t h e p o i n t o f o n e n e s s . 

Iam Starting (to Lose) w a s w r i t t e n a r o u n d t h e m i d - p o i n t o f m y M a s t e r ' s 

j o u r n e y . W i t h i n t h e p o e m are t h e seeds o f c h a n g e a n d p o t e n t i a l t r a n s f o r m a t i o n a n d 

t h e c o n s c i o u s r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t these c h a n g e s w e r e i m m i n e n t . It is i n t e n d e d t h a t t h e 

t i t l e b e r e a d t w i c e , as i n J am Starting, a n d I am Starting to Lose i n o r d e r t o 

c o n v e y c l o s u r e as w e l l as n e w b e g i n n i n g s . 

I start b y q u e s t i o n i n g w h y I d i d t h i n g s i n t h e p a s t a n d i n t h i s s e n s e , c a n b e 

c o n s i d e r e d a p r e c u r s o r t o t h e p o e m s o f regret (i.e., The Fable of Regret a n d 

Driving with no Hands). 

I am starting to lose 
J u s t w h y I d i d a l l t h o s e t h i n g s ; 

W h y i n y o u t h I r a i l e d a n d c l a m o r e d so p a s s i o n a t e l y 
F o r f r e e d o m s t h a t w e r e a l r e a d y s a i d t o b e a n d 

W h y I c o v e t e d a n d c o n s p i r e d , a d o r n e d a n d d i s p l a y e d a n d 
D a n c e d t o a m u s i c t h a t s o m e t i m e s o n l y e x i s t e d i n m y h e a d . 

I a l s o e x a m i n e t h e n e e d t o m o v e a w a y f r o m m y h e r o e s a n d m o v e i n t o a state o f 

a c c e p t i n g m y s e l f . 

J am starting to lose 
A l l m y h e r o e s 

A s a t i d e o f d e m o c r a t i z a t i o n r o l l s i n 
A n d l e v e l s t h e p l a y i n g f i e l d 
Into a l i q u i d f l o w i n g m a s s 

W a s h i n g m e c l e a n a n d 
F r e e i n g m e f r o m t h e v i c t i m i z a t i o n o f 

N e e d s t o p r o v e a n d 

126 



N e e d s t o b e a c c e p t e d . . 

A n d as a r e s u l t o f t h i s n a t u r a l l e t t i n g - g o , I f i n d m y s e l f m o v i n g i n t o a n e w state o f 
b e c o m i n g . 

I s t a n d n a k e d a n d n o t c a r i n g 
D i s i n t e r e s t e d a n d d i s c o n n e c t e d , y e t 

P a s s i o n a t e l y i n v o l v e d . . . 
H o w c a n t h i s b e ? 

C h a n g e is i n t h e air... 

I am becoming 
T h e f o o l o n t h e h i l l 

T h e i n v i s i b l e o n e , t h e c r a z y m a n , 
T a l k i n g t o h i m s e l f - • . ' 

R e v e l i n g i n h i s o w n j o k e s 
Y e t , at t h e s a m e t i m e , I a m h e a r i n g 

N e w s y m p h o n i e s o f l i v i n g 
A n d c o n c e r t o s i n t h e o n c e c a c o p h o n o u s t u m b l e 

O f c o n f u s i o n 
A n d I a m p r e p a r i n g 

T o b e myself... 

I've (Em)braced is b o t h m y o p e n i n g a n d c l o s i n g p i e c e , a n d i s , e s s e n t i a l l y , a n 

a r t i s t i c a b s t r a c t o f t h e r e s e a r c h i n t h i s t h e s i s . It c a n b e v i e w e d as a t i g h t l y 

c o m p r e s s e d p e r s o n a l i n v e n t o r y set o f c o n t e x t u a l s h i f t s — a p a r a d o x i c a l a n d d i f f i c u l t 

a s s e s s m e n t o f a l l t h e r o l e s a n d a t t i t u d e s a n d t h e m a t i c o b s e s s i o n s t h a t I h a v e 

a s s u m e d a n d c o n s u m e d . It is b o t h c o n f e s s i o n a l a n d c a t h a r t i c i n is n a t u r e . It is o n e 

o f t h e latest p o e m s t h a t I h a v e w r i t t e n a n d its s i g n i f i c a n c e l a y s i n i t s h o n e s t y a n d 

c o m p r e h e n s i v e n a t u r e . F o r so m a n y y e a r s , I h a v e w r a p p e d m y s e l f i n t h e b e l i e f t h a t 

I e s s e n t i a l l y a " g o o d " m a n , a n d p e r h a p s I a m , b u t t h r o u g h t h i s p o e m I a m 

a t t e m p t i n g t o e m b r a c e , o r at least a c k n o w l e d g e a l l o f m y s e l f , b o t h g o o d a n d b a d . 

T h e f i r s t v e r s e l i s t s a series o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l m a s k s t h a t I've w o r n . T h e t e r m 

(Em)braced i m p l i e s t h a t I l o v e d s o m e o f these r o l e s a n d h o w , i n r e t r o s p e c t , I've 

h a d t o b r a c e m y s e l f i n o r d e r t o a d m i t t o o t h e r r o l e s . T h e m a s k s t w i s t t h e m s e l v e s 

1 2 7 



i n t o s e l f - c r i t i c i z i n g a n d j u d g i n g m y s o m e t i m e s a n n o y i n g p r o p e n s i t y t o j u d g e o t h e r s 

as w e l l as m y s e l f . 

I've ( E m ) b r a c e d 
P r a n k s t e r , C o n M a n , L i a r , L o v e r , 
H u s b a n d , F a t h e r , T ( h ) i n k e r ( e r ) , 

I m p o s t e r , 
P r e p o s t e r o u s 

L y i n g i n j u d g m e n t ! 

T h e p o e m a l s o c o n t a i n s a t h e m a t i c o v e r v i e w o f a l l t h e w o r k t h a t h a s 

s u r f a c e d i n t h e l a s t c o u p l e y e a r s , d u r i n g m y r e t u r n t o u n i v e r s i t y . I n t h e s e c o n d 

v e r s e , I t o u c h o n t h r e e r e c u r r i n g t h e m e s : t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e a r a t i o n a l , m y 

p e r s o n a l s t r u g g l e s w i t h W e s t e r n c u l t u r e , c o l o n i a l i s m , a n d t h e n o t i o n o f regret. 

Y e t 
S o m e t i m e s N o t o f t h i s W o r l d 

A s m y eyes r o l l b a c k w a r d a n d t h e j a w d r o p s . . . 
M y s t i c s y s t e m i c , p a t h e t i c a n d r e g r e t f u l 

K e e p e r o f c a r t o o n c o n s c i o u s n e s s , 
M y feet b l i s t e r o n t h e h y p e r - h e a t e d a s p h a l t 

O f W e s t e r n r e a l i t y , 
I n e v e r l e a r n 

S t i l l 
M y s t i f i e d b y t h e r a r i f i e d 

M i r a c l e o f h o p e ( l e s s n e s s ) 

T h e t h i r d p a r t o f t h e p o e m sets u p a s e r i e s o f d i a l e c t i c a l b i n a r i e s t o 

d e m o n s t r a t e t h e w i d t h , b r e a d t h , d e p t h a n d p a r a d o x i c a l m u l t i - d i m e n s i o n a l i t y o f m y 

c h a r a c t e r . 

F r i g h t e n e d c h i l d a n d o l d m a n I a m 
P e n i s c r o s s e d w i t h p e n a n c e 
S o n o f Z o r r o a n d N o s f e r a t u , 

128 



( A n t i ) . . . C h r i s t , I w i s h I k n e w ! 

T h e f o u r t h p a r t o f t h e p o e m c r i t i c a l l y r e v i e w s t h e t h e m e o f m y r o l e as a 

r e s e a r c h e r a n d e d u c a t o r a n d t h e m i r a g e o f k n o w l e d g e / e p i p h a n y . 

S a i n t o r s i n n e r , 
C e r t a i n l y 

F o o l o n t h e h i l l o f t h e A c a d e m y o f 
P o w e r , p o l i t i c s a n d l o s t s o u l s , 

L i m i n a l T r a n s g r e s s o r i n t h e a p o r i a o f 
F o u n d a n d l o s t (again) 

I see 
T h e o a s i s o r j u s t a n o t h e r m i r a g e ? . . . 

T h e p o e m closes o n a n u p b e a t n o t e t h a t s o m e t i m e s I c a n t r a n s c e n d m y o w n 

m u d d l e a n d w o r k i n s e r v i c e f o r o t h e r s . 

M e a n w h i l e t h e B u d d h a o f C o m p a s s i o n p o u r s 
R i v e r s o f t e a r s t h r o u g h m e as I l o o k at p i c t u r e s o f 

M y d a u g h t e r 
B e c a u s e 

S o m e t i m e s I k n o w 
T o l o o k a b o v e m y s e l f 

Heroes 

A n o t h e r p r e v a l e n t t h e m e i n m y w r i t i n g h a s b e e n t h e c o n c e p t o f h e r o e s — 

t h e i r c r e a t i o n , t h e i r d e m i s e , a n d t h e p r o b l e m s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h t h e c u l t o f 

p e r s o n a l i t y . T h e c r e a t i o n a n d e u l o g i z i n g o f b o t h g e n d e r s o f h e r o e s c a n b e f o u n d i n 

t h e p o e m , The Unnatural Act. 

A s a c h i l d , i m m e r s e d i n a m i l i e u o f b l a c k a n d w h i t e r e d u c t i o n i s m , a l l s c r e e n 

starlets b e c a m e g o d d e s s e s o r a r c h e t y p e s o f b e a u t y a n d c h a r i s m a . 

129 



I l o v e d t h e i r p e r f e c t i o n , t h e i r u l t r a m y t h i c f e m i n i n e 
L o o k s w i t h d o e eyes a n d c h e e k b o n e s 

C h i s e l e d o u t o f g r a n i t e a n d s m i l e s 
T h a t w o u l d t a k e y o u m i l e s t o a d i s t a n t p l a n e t o f s i r e n -

What possible chance did I have... 

I s a w t h e m a l e i m a g e s as d i r e c t e x a m p l e s o f p e r f e c t i o n — i n d e e d , w h a t I 

n e e d e d t o g r o w t o b e c o m e . 

T o b e a m a n , a P a l a d i n , 
R e a l R i f l e m a n w a n t e d D e a d o r A l i v e , 

A C h u c k o r a S t e v e , C l i n t o r G a r y 
T a l l n e s s a n d s i l e n c e b r i m m i n g w i t h v i o l e n c e a n d f u r y 

M u c h t o o s o o n t o d e f i n e t h e A m e r i c a n M a l e 
O n t h e b l a c k a n d w h i t e pages o f h i g h n o o n . 

M o s t o f m y l i f e I h a v e t e n d e d t o e m b r a c e v a r i o u s h e r o i c f i g u r e s . E v e n w h e n I 

r e t u r n e d t o s c h o o l f o r m y g r a d u a t e w o r k , I e m b r a c e d a n e w t y p e o f h e r o — t h e 

a c a d e m i c h e r o . T h e p o e m Big People w a s w r i t t e n after I h a d b e e n i n v i t e d t o a t t e n d 

a m e e t i n g w i t h t h e a / r / t o g r a p h y g r o u p . I w a s v e r y i m p r e s s e d w i t h t h e p o w e r a n d 

i n t e n s i t y o f t h e i n t e l l e c t u a l e n e r g y t h a t s u r f a c e d at t h i s m e e t i n g . T h i s p o e m d i r e c t l y 

t a l k s a b o u t t h e s e n e w m e n t o r s , a l b e i t i n a p l a y f u l s e t t i n g , t h a t m a k e s u s e o f t h e 

l a y e r s o f m e a n i n g a n d d o u b l e e n t e n d r e s t h a t p o e t i c a l l y exist w i t h i n l a n g u a g e . 

B i g p e o p l e o f t e n r u n 
T h r o u g h t h e c r a c k s f o r t h e b o r d e r s a n d 

S t a y u p a l l n i g h t t o seize t h e d a y b e c a u s e 
B i g p e o p l e h a v e great v i s i o n 

E v e n i f t h e y leave t h e i r glasses at h o m e 
F o r t h e y p e e r t h r o u g h a l e n s 

T h a t h a s b e e n g r o u n d a n d p o l i s h e d 
B y y e a r s o f e p i s o d i c n a r r a t i v e s 

A n d r e f l e c t i v e c a l l s a n d r e s p o n s e s 

T h a t t u r n s o u t w a r d i n 
A n d i n so o u t 

1 3 0 



A s t o t h e d i v e r s i t y o f t h e p r o f e s s o r s at t h e a / r / t o g r a p h y m e a n i n g , I w r i t e : 

B i g p e o p l e c a n n o t b e b o t t l e d o r 
L a b e l e d , c a t e g o r i z e d o r d e n i e d 

D i s m i s s e d , r e - m i f f e d o r q u a l i f i e d 
E x c e p t b y t h o s e w h o m i s s t h e b o a t 

A s it leaves f o r a d v e n t u r e i s l a n d s r e m o t e 

O h h o w I l o v e b i g p e o p l e ! 

A l t h o u g h m y f i r s t h e r o e s w e r e T V s c r e e n a c t o r s a n d m y p r e s e n t h e r o e s are 

m o r e l i k e l y t o b e f o u n d w i t h i n t h e a c a d e m y , b y far, m y m u s i c a l h e r o - g u i t a r i s t s h a v e 

m a d e t h e m o s t s i g n i f i c a n t i m p r e s s i o n t o date. 

A p a r t o f m e h a s a l w a y s w a n t e d t o b e l i e f i n m a g i c a n d I h a v e a l w a y s 

s a v o u r e d t h e i n - d w e l l i n g o f t h e s p i r i t . I n t h e r e a l m o f m u s i c , I h a v e n e v e r b e e n a b l e 

t o c l e a r l y d i f f e r e n t i a t e b e t w e e n a f e w b r e a t h - t a k i n g , t r a n s c e n d e n t a l m u s i c a l 

p e r f o r m a n c e s t h a t I h a v e w i t n e s s e d a n d t h e n o t i o n o f m a g i c . A n d , as I h a v e t r o u b l e 

s e p a r a t i n g m a g i c f r o m s p i r i t , these h i g h l y i n f r e q u e n t a r t i s t i c p e r f o r m a n c e s 

r e s o n a t e at s u c h a s u b l i m e l e v e l , t h a t i t s effect o n m e is t h e p r o d u c t i o n o f a n a l t e r e d 

e x p e r i e n c e . 

A l l p a t h s l e a d t o G o d b u t s o m e p a t h s are a l i t t l e q u i c k e r . I n t h e s i x t i e s , a l o t 

o f m u s i c c a m e o u t o f t h e b l u e s . It w a s m o r p h e d i n t o a n e w h y b r i d f o r m w h e n i t ' s 

b a s i c f o r m a n d v o c a b u l a r y w a s m u s i c a l l y m e l d e d w i t h h i g h - p o w e r e d r o c k a n d r o l l 

a n d o v e r - t h e - t o p e m o t i o n s . W h e n J i m i H e n d r i x p o u r e d h i s h e a r t o u t t h r o u g h t h i s 

c o n t e x t , t h e r e s u l t w a s m u s i c / m a g i c t h a t t o u c h e d s a c r e d p l a c e s a n d t o o k a u d i e n c e s 

t o t r a n s c e n d e n t a l h e i g h t s . 

131 



T o s o m e e x t a n t , t h i s p s y c h e d e l i c s a c r a m e n t h a s b e e n l o s t as p o p u l a r c u l t u r e 

h a s m o v e d o n t o o t h e r t o p i c s l i k e p o w e r , m a t e r i a l a c q u i s i t i o n , a n d so o n . A n d , w i t h 

a g i n g , m y o w n c o n t e x t h a s c h a n g e d . I'm n o t as e a s i l y i m p r e s s e d as I w a s w h e n I 

w a s y o u n g e r as I a m m u c h b e t t e r at d i s c e r n i n g b e t w e e n a s l i g h t o f h a n d a n d 

p r o f o u n d e x p e r i e n c e . 

I n Magician/Musician, I t a l k a b o u t t h e r e a l t h i n g . I m e n t i o n t h a t e v e n t h e 

m o o d a n d f e e l i n g w a s different. S o m e t i m e s , o n e c a n sense a s p e c i a l e v e n i n g . 

It w a s i n t h e a i r 
A s s o o n as t h e y c o u n t e d o u t 
A n d f r e e d t h e f i r s t s o u n d s 

Y o u k n e w , b u t c o u l d n ' t e x p l a i n 
T h e f e e l i n g 

T h a t w r a p p e d a r o u n d y o u l i k e 
A w a r m b l a n k e t a n d c o n v i n c e d y o u 

T h a t t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n b e t w e e n t h e i n s t r u m e n t s 
W o u l d s p i n a m a r v e l o u s s t o r y 
F i l l e d w i t h p a s s i o n , i n t r i g u e , 

C a r i n g a n d h u m o u r 

E a c h p l a y e r w o u l d c o n t r i b u t e t o t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n o f t h i s a u r a l e d i f i c e o f t h e g o d s : 

w i t h 
E a c h s o l o i s t b r i n g i n g 

H i s s p e c i a l t w i s t t o t h e e p i c 
B y t a k i n g h i s o w n p o e t r y 

A n d w e a v i n g it i n t o t h e s o n i c f a b r i c 
O f t h e w h o l e 

W h i c h t h r o u g h t o n a l a l c h e m y 
W o u l d c o n v e r t s i m p l e s o u n d s 

I n t o a n a r r a t i v e so i n t e n s e 
A n d b u r s t i n g w i t h r e s o n a n c e 

T h a t t h e s t o r y w o u l d 
A c t u a l l y g r i n d t o a p l a c e 

S o d e e p , yet c l e a n s i n g 
That the audience would 

B e left i n s i l e n c e at t h e e n d a n d 
F o r c e d a g a i n t o w r e s t l e w i t h 

E n o r m o u s q u e s t i o n s d f p u r p o s e 

132 



B u t o n e p l a y e r rose a b o v e t h e o t h e r s t o t a k e t h e a u d i e n c e o v e r t h e edge. 

O n e o f t h e p l a y e r s 
H a d s p e c i a l gifts, 

A n o r i g i n a l a n d s t u n n i n g 
C o m b i n a t i o n o f y e a r s o f t e c h n i q u e 
W i t h s e r i o u s r e a d i n g a n d c r i t i q u e 

O f a u t h o r s o f m u s i c past 
A n d t h i s m e l d e d w i t h f r a m e s 

O f h e r o i c v i s i o n a n d t e n a c i t y t h a t 
R i p p e d f o r t h f r o m h i s b e i n g as 

A t o r r e n t i a l o u t p o u r i n g 
T h a t s t a r t e d s l o w l y , 

C r e e p i n g i n t h e b a c k p o r c h 
A n d e d g i n g ever so c l o s e l y 

A n d h e c a p t u r e d t h e s m e l l 
O f t h e r a i n j u s t b e f o r e t h e b r e a k 

A n d h e m a d e m e s h i v e r 
I n a n t i c i p a t i o n o f t h e f i r s t 

T e n u o u s d r o p s a n d 
I w a s s u r e t h a t I c o u l d 

See t h e t h u n d e r g r a y a n d 
B l a c k c l o u d s c i r c l i n g a b o v e 

H i s h e a d as t h e i n t e n s i t y 
O f h i s p l a y i n g h e r a l d e d a n 

E x p l o s i o n o f t o r r e n t a n d c u r r e n t 

A n d I w a s n o t a l o n e i n r e c o g n i z i n g t h i s m o m e n t . 

A n d t h e a u d i e n c e s c r e a m e d 
F r o m t h e r e s o n a n c e o f t h i s tale 

O f e p i c r o m a n t i c i s m 
A n d j u s t w h e n w e t h o u g h t 

T h a t t h e j o u r n e y w a s c o m p l e t e 
T h e s o l o i s t t o o k u s 

T o a n e w l e v e l o f f r e s h t e r r a i n a n d 
T o n e w w o r l d s o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g 

A n d t h e a u d i e n c e e x p l o d e d 
A n d rose t o t h e i r feet as t h e y 

133 



A s t h e y s t r a i n e d t o see h i m 
P u s h h i s h e a d a b o v e t h e t h u n d e r c l o u d s 

T o t h e d e a f e n i n g s i l e n c e a b o v e t h e w h i t e n o i s e 
W h e r e h e w a s h e d u s c l e a n 

A n d g r a c e d u s w i t h a c h a n c e 
T o t r y a g a i n . 

N a t u r a l l y , as a m u s i c i a n , I a m a w o u l d - b e - m a g i c i a n as I a s p i r e t o p l a y at a 

l e v e l t h a t s u p p o r t s a n a u d i e n c e t o t r a n s c e n d o u r s e e m i n g l y p h y s i c a l r e a l i t y . W h i l e 

Magician/Musician is a p o e m f r o m t h e a u d i e n c e ' s v i e w p o i n t , High Wire Guitar is 

a v i e w f r o m t h e o t h e r s i d e — t h e f e e l i n g s a n d p r o c e s s t h a t a m u s i c i a n m i g h t t a k e t o 

m o v e t o t h e n e x t l e v e l . 

It starts w i t h a m u s i c i a n t a k i n g a n i m p r o v i s e d s o l o . T h e d i f f i c u l t y , p o i s e , a n d 

a t t i t u d e n e e d e d t o i m p r o v i s e d r a w s a n a n a l o g y t o w a l k i n g a t i g h t r o p e . 

P u t t i n g y o u r f o o t o u t y o u feel t h e w i r e 
B e f o r e y o u w a l k o n w a t e r 

A n d t h o u g h y o u are v e r y h i g h 
I n t h e s t r a t o s p h e r e , t h e r e is n o 

N e t a n d c e r t a i n l y n o t u r n i n g b a c k , 
O n l y t u r n i n g i n w a r d as y o u 

C o m p l e t e l y r e l a x , O h m M a n i P a d m e H u m , 
A n d u n c o n s c i o u s l y a l i g n a n d p o i s e 

Y o u r m i n d , b o d y a n d s o u l 
I n a b s o l u t e c o n c e n t r a t i o n 
T o let o u t y o u r v o i c e f r o m 

T h e deepest p i t o f y o u r s p i r i t 
A s o n l y t h e w a y y o u c a n 

W h i l e t h e rest o f t h e u n i v e r s e 
L o o k s o v e r y o u r s h o u l d e r s 

A n d f l o a t s y o u u p i n a 
S e a o f t e a r d r o p s f r o m 

T h e B u d d h a o f c o m p a s s i o n 

I n a great s o l o t h e r e is a l w a y s a l o s s o f self i n t o t h e t o t a l c o n c e n t r a t i o n o f t h e n o w . 

A n d i n t h e b l i s t e r i n g w h i r l i n g o f t h e s p h e r e s 

134 



Y o u t u n e i n t o its t a u t n e s s , 
Its f r e q u e n c y a n d t h i c k n e s s 
U n t i l t h e r e is n o s e p a r a t i o n 

T h r o u g h s t o r m a n d s t i l l 
You are 

Y o u r e x t e n s i o n 

O c o u r s e , t h e r e c a n b e e x t e r n a l o r u n c o n s c i o u s f a c t o r s t h a t c a n l i m i t Or a l l o w 

t h e s u c c e s s f u l c r o s s i n g i n t o t h e i n f i n i t e n o w . 

If a l l m a n n e r o f t h i n g s h a v e 
L o c k e d t h e m s e l v e s i n t o 
T h e m o s t s a c r e d p a t t e r n 

W h e n t h e s u n m a k e s l o v e t o t h e m o o n 
A n d t h e t i d e s r o l l b a c k w a r d t o r e v e a l 

A n c i e n t s h i p w r e c k s a n d c i t i e s 
O f so l o n g a g o , yet y o u k n o w 

A n d t h e h o w l o f t h e w o l f 
B e c o m e s a n a r i a o f u n s p e a k a b l e b e a u t y . . . 

T h e n y o u are r e a d y 

Regrets 

A r i s i n g t h e m e i n m y l a t e r y e a r s h a s b e e n t h e r e g u l a r l y o c c u r r i n g i s s u e o f 

regret. A s is t h e n a t u r e w i t h regrets, these regrets f r e q u e n t l y c e n t e r o n c h o i c e s t h a t 

I m a d e y e a r s ago t h a t a re n o w i m p a c t i n g o r r e s t r i c t i n g m y p r e s e n t set o f o p t i o n s . 

T h e y c e r t a i n l y s e e m t o f a l l out o f a m i n d set t h a t f o r y e a r s e m b r a c e d o v e r t h e r o i s m 

a n d r o m a n t i c i s m . T h e p a s s i n g o f m y f a t h e r i n A u g u s t o f 2 0 0 5 i n t e n s i f i e d t h i s t y p e 

o f t h i n k i n g . H i s d e a t h c l e a r l y d e l i n e a t e d t h e passage o f t i m e a n d r e m i n d e d m e o f 

m y l i m i t e d t i m e i n t h i s m a t e r i a l r e a l i t y . I n t h e p o e m The Fable of Regret, I t r y t o 

s u b v e r t t h a t t y p e o f t h i n k i n g t o e n a b l e m e t o m o v e o n a n d l i v e i n t h e p r e s e n t . T h e 

m e t a p h o r o f a s n a k e , a c o l d - b l o o d e d r e p t i l e w i t h a f o r k e d - t o n g u e , a d d r e s s e s m e i n 

t h i s f a b l e . 

135 



Y e s , I h a v e o b s e r v e d t h a t 
A s y o u h a v e g r o w n o l d e r 

A n d d e e p e r i n t h e seat 
O f y o u r t r u e s e l f 

Y o u h a v e a l s o c o g n i z e d 
T h a t y o u r d e m i s e is 
R a c i n g t o c a t c h y o u 
A n d y o u r o w n s t o r y 

Is b e i n g e t c h e d i n s t o n e 
F o r t i m e e t e r n a l 

A n d y o u are fast l o s i n g 
C o n t r o l o f y o u r d e s t i n y 

A n d e s p e c i a l l y a n y r e s o l u t i o n 
O f y o u r m e s s y s t o r i e s 

O f u n r e a l i z e d g l o r y 

I a m t h e S n a k e o f R e g r e t 
W h o l i v e s a n d t h r i v e s 

O n y o u r f r u s t r a t i o n 
W i t h t h e f i n i t e aspect 

O f y o u r s h o r t v i s i t a t i o n 
Into this earthly vessel 

A n d w i t h y o u r m i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g s 
O f t h e v e r y n a t u r e 

O f h u m a n l e a r n i n g ' s . 

I b a t t l e t h e s n a k e t h r o u g h e m b r a c i n g regret as a m e a s u r e m e n t o f m y p r o g r e s s 

i n t h i s a d v e n t u r o u s l i f e . I e x p l a i n it t h u s : 

R e g r e t t h e n , f o r m e , 
Is a n a f f i r m a t i o n 
A n d a m e a s u r e 

T h a t i n d e e d , 
I h a v e s u c c e e d e d 

I n m o v i n g m y s e l f f o r w a r d 
A n d t r u l y g r o w n 

T h r o u g h t h e y e a r s . 
A n d s o , r a t h e r t h a n fear, 

I c h o o s e t o feast o n regret 
A s t h e o n l y t r u e test 

O f m y g r o w t h as a h u m a n . 

136 



Driving with No Hands was w r i t t e n after a r e a l a n d v i v i d l y i n t e n s e 

e x p e r i e n c e — a f l a s h b a c k o f f e e l i n g s f r o m m y y o u t h t h a t I e n c o u n t e r e d o n e d a y as I 

d r o v e t h e l o n g c o m m u t e f r o m w o r k t o h o m e . 

And for some reason on this special day 
T h e s u n c o n n e c t e d w i t h m e so s t r o n g l y 

T h a t I l o n g e d t o p u l l o u t a c h a i n s a w 
A n d cut off t h e e n t i r e r o o f o f m y o l d h o u n d d o g c a r 

A n d , l i k e B r o t h e r J a k e , w h e n h e s a w t h e L i g h t , 
J too wanted to jump cartwheels 
And drive again with no hands 

F o r it gave m e a f e e l i n g t h a t I h a d f o r g o t t e n -
A f e e l i n g so s p e c i a l , so s a c r e d , so l i f e a f f i r m i n g 

T h a t I w a n t e d t o w e e p at h o w 
E m p t y 
I 

H a d 
B e c o m e . . . 

Driving with No Hands is a c e l e b r a t i o n o f l i f e , y o u t h , a n d n a i v e h o n e s t y . It is a 

c o m m e n t a r y o n h o w , t o s o m e extent w e a l l get d e r a i l e d a n d d a n c e w i t h regret as w e 

age w i t h i n t h e p a r a d i g m o f society. 

T e n y e a r s l a t e r 
W h e n t h e a d v e n t u r e 

C a m e t o its e n d 
A n d I b e c a m e " n o r m a l " a g a i n , 

It t o o k m e years t o c o m e off 
T h e a d r e n a l i n e - i t w a s l i k e h e r o i n 

A n d f o r l i f e t i m e s after 
I w a l k e d t h e streets 

L i k e a p r i s o n e r 
O f t h e s e t t i n g s u n 

C r a v i n g t h e r u s h a n d t h e release 
A n d t h e r e c o g n i t i o n 

A n d n e v e r s e e m i n g t o s c o r e 
E n o u g h t o a p p e a s e m y m i n d . . . 

137 



A n d it n e v e r r e c o n c i l e d 
It j u s t f a d e d i n t i m e 

W i t h t h e a v a l a n c h e o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y 
T h a t f o l l o w s f i t t i n g i n t o s o c i e t y 

U n t i l t h i s m o m e n t w h e n 
I n t h e b l i n k o f a n d eye 
I w a s t a k e n r i g h t b a c k 

T o t h e t i m e w h e n I c o u l d f l y 
A n d d r i v e w i t h n o h a n d s . 

Anger/alienation with the prevailing culture 

Driving with No Hands t o u c h e s o n m y a n g e r a n d a l i e n a t i o n w i t h t h e 

p r e v a i l i n g c u l t u r e . I n t h i s p o e m , I refer t o t h e m i n d - n u m b i n g e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e 

e v e n i n g c o m m u t e h o m e . I r o n i c a l l y , o u r h o m e is s i t u a t e d i n a s u b u r b a n 

n e i g h b o r h o o d t h a t is c o m p o s e d o f p e o p l e w i t h w h o s e v a l u e s I h a v e n o 

c o m m o n a l i t y . It is a p s e u d o - s a n c t u a r y , as m y f a m i l y l i v e s t h e r e , b u t w e s t r u g g l e 

w i t h a n y sense o f i n t e g r a t i n g w i t h t h e c o m m u n i t y . 

F o r as I d r o v e h o m e t o d a y , 
D e e p i n t h e g r i d a n d l o c k o f 9 t o 5 

E a t i n g t h e f u m e s a n d c u r s i n g b u f f o o n s 
I n a p a n i c t o get o f f t h e t a r 

F o r d o m e s t i c abyss i n m y l i t t l e h o u s e i n t h e s u b 
W i t h its 70's b i g e n g i n e t i m e w a r p a n d 

N e i g h b o r s w h o are w h i t e - r i g h t o f A r n o l d , 
I w a s a m a z e d t o see t h e s u n b u r s t t h r o u g h 

T h e h e a v e n s a n d b l e s s a l l t h e p r i s o n e r s 
O f t h e c o m m u t e 

A l t h o u g h t h e r e is a c l e a r d i s t a i n f o r m y p r e s e n t l i f e i n t h i s p o e m , m y o w n 

sense o f a l i e n a t i o n a n d p e r s o n a l r e j e c t i o n c e r t a i n l y h a u n t e d m e d u r i n g t h e f i r s t h a l f 

o f m y l i f e . It s e e m s d i r e c t l y t i e d t o a s e a r c h f o r p u r p o s e a n d m e a n i n g a n d 

u l t i m a t e l y t o t h e r e v e l a t i o n o f d r e a m s a n d v a l u e s t h r o u g h a r t i s t i c s e l f - e x p r e s s i o n . I 

h a v e o f t e n w o n d e r e d w h y I b e l i e v e d t h a t l i f e s h o u l d offer m o r e . R e c i p r o c a l l y , I 

138 



w o n d e r e d w h y I s h o u l d offer s o m e t h i n g s p e c i a l b a c k t o l i f e t h r o u g h s o m e h e r o i c 

a c c o m p l i s h m e n t . A n d s o , a l a c k o f a c c e p t a n c e o f l i f e , as it is i n t h i s t i m e a n d p l a c e , 

a n d a l a c k o f a c c e p t i n g m y o w n n o r m a l i t y h a s b e e n a n o n g o i n g i s s u e . I r e m i n d 

m y s e l f o f t h e w o m a n I d e p i c t e d i n t h e Master Frame. 

I h e a r d a b o u t a w o m a n w h o g r e w u p i n a h o u s e o f r i c h e s f r a m e d w i t h b e l i e f s 
O f s u p e r i o r i t y o n l y t o f i n d t h a t a t u r n o f events p u s h e d h e r i n t o a l i f e o f 

C o n s t a n t s t r u g g l e i n s i d e a n e w d r e a m w i t h a m a n o f m o d e s t m e a n s 
A n d t h e r e she r a i s e d a f a m i l y b u t w a s n e v e r a b l e f o r e t u r n 

T o h e r o r i g i n a l H o m e F r a m e w i t h its A f f l u e n c e a n d 
C o n n e c t i o n s a n d as a r e s u l t s h e d i v o r c e d h e r s e l f 

F r o m h e r v e r y o w n l i f e f o r s h e s a w h e r l i f e 
A s a f a i l u r e as s h e c o u l d n o t r e - c o n c e i v e 

H e r M a s t e r F r a m e t o a c c o m m o d a t e 
A d i f f e r e n t c o n t e x t a n d 

S o she i n v a l i d a t e d 
Everything... 

P e r h a p s m y " h o u s e o f r i c h e s f r a m e d w i t h b e l i e f s o f s u p e r i o r i t y , " w a s t h e 

m e t a p h o r i c c o n t e x t o f t e l e v i s i o n w h i c h r e p l a c e d t h e v a c u u m o f late 'so's s u b u r b a n 

l i f e w i t h s t o r i e s o f a d v e n t u r e a n d h e r o i c a c c o m p l i s h m e n t . P e r h a p s m y n e e d f o r a 

s p e c i a l l i f e is a s y m p t o m o f t h e d a m a g e i n c u r r e d b y w a t c h i n g t o o m u c h t e l e v i s i o n 

at a v e r y i m p r e s s i o n a b l e age. A l l t h o s e c o w b o y s h o w s o f t h e late 50's c u t d e e p l y 

i n t o m y p s y c h e . 

T o b e a m a n , a P a l a d i n , 
R e a l R i f l e m a n w a n t e d D e a d o r A l i v e , 

A C h u c k o r a Steve, C l i n t o r G a r y 
T a l l n e s s a n d s i l e n c e b r i m m i n g w i t h v i o l e n c e a n d f u r y 

M u c h t o o s o o n t o d e f i n e t h e A m e r i c a n M a l e 
O n t h e b l a c k a n d w h i t e pages o f h i g h n o o n . 

A m I, as a g u i t a r i s t , a m e t a p h o r i c g u n s l i n g e r ? D o I seek a d v e n t u r e s a n d 

p e r f o r m a n c e c h a l l e n g e s o n t h e m u s i c a l f r o n t i e r ? 

139 



I n t h e last t e n y e a r s , I h a v e w o r k e d h a r d at i n t e g r a t i n g m y s e l f w i t h t h e 

v a r i o u s c o m m u n i t i e s t h r o u g h w h i c h I c o m e i n c o n t a c t . I h a v e e n j o y e d s o m e s u c c e s s 

i n c o n n e c t i n g w i t h m y p e e r s , t h e t e a c h i n g staff at w o r k . T w e n t y - o d d y e a r s ago, as a 

n e w t e a c h e r , I h a d t r o u b l e r e l a t i n g t o o t h e r t e a c h e r s . I h a d b e c o m e a t e a c h e r at 

s u c h a late age (36), a n d I c a r r i e d s u c h a u n i q u e p e r s o n a l a g e n d a f r o m y e a r s o f 

n o n - t e a c h i n g a d v e n t u r e s . C o n s e q u e n t l y , I felt d i f f e r e n t a n d i n d e e d , I w a s v e r y 

d i f f e r e n t f r o m m o s t o f m y c o l l e a g u e s at t h a t t i m e . O n e c l e a r t u r n i n g p o i n t t h a t 

a s s i s t e d i n m y i n t e g r a t i n g i n t o t h e t e a c h i n g c o m m u n i t y a n d t h e w o r l d at l a r g e h a s 

b e e n t h e a r r i v a l o f o u r d a u g h t e r , E m i l y , i n M a y o f 1 9 9 8 . 

New Beginnings 

T h e n o t i o n o f n e w b e g i n n i n g s is o n l y t o u c h e d u p o n i n t h i s s e r i e s o f p o e m s . 

T h e s e p o e m s s y m b o l i z e t h e a c t u a l p r o c e s s o f m o v i n g t o a p o s i t i o n o f a c c e p t a n c e 

a n d c o u r a g e t o r e c l a i m m y o w n , a u t h e n t i c v o i c e . A s I w r o t e t h r o u g h these p o e m s 

a n d as I w r o t e m u s i c t o e n h a n c e t h e m , m y v o i c e s t a r t e d t o r e - m a n i f e s t itself. B u t 

t h i s w o r k a n d t h i s d o c u m e n t are m o r e c l e a r l y a b o u t t h e p r o c e s s as o p p o s e d t o t h e 

r e s u l t s . I h i n t at t h e f u t u r e a n d w h a t I a m t o b e c o m e i n t h e p o e m , / am Starting 

(To Lose). 

I am becoming 
T h e f o o l o n t h e h i l l 

T h e i n v i s i b l e o n e , t h e c r a z y m a n , 
T a l k i n g t o h i m s e l f 

R e v e l i n g i n h i s o w n j o k e s 
Y e t , at t h e s a m e t i m e , I a m h e a r i n g 

N e w s y m p h o n i e s o f l i v i n g 
A n d c o n c e r t o s i n t h e o n c e c a c o p h o n o u s t u m b l e 

O f c o n f u s i o n 
A n d I a m p r e p a r i n g 

T o b e myself... 

140 



(The Importance of) Artistic/Transcendent/Arational spaces 

M y c o n d u i t t o m y s e l f a n d t o n e w b e g i n n i n g s h a s a l w a y s b e e n t h r o u g h 

A r t i s t i c / T r a n s c e n d e n t / A r a t i o n a l s p a c e s . O n e o f m y f i r s t p o e m s , How Old? a l l u d e s 

t o t h e t i m e l e s s q u a l i t y o f t h i s site o f k n o w l e d g e . S u d d e n , u n e x p e c t e d t r a n s c e n d e n c e 

c a n b e v e r y d r a m a t i c . B y u n e x p e c t e d , I d o n o t m e a n t h e t y p e o f a c t i o n s o r r i t u a l s , 

l i k e m e d i t a t i o n , t h a t are s p e c i f i c a l l y p r a c t i c e d f o r t h i s e x p e r i e n c e . I a m t a l k i n g 

a b o u t t i m e s w h e n w e are a l l j u s t l i v i n g o u r l i v e s a n d w e m o m e n t a r i l y step o u t o f 

o u r s e l v e s . F o r e x a m p l e , I have sat o n a b e a c h at s u n s e t a n d t h e s h e e r b e a u t y o f t h e 

e x p e r i e n c e h a s c a t a p u l t e d m e i n t o a r a p t u r e t h a t m a d e m e feel t h a t t i m e h a d 

c o m p l e t e l y s t o p p e d , o r t h a t I w a s i n a c o n t e x t b e y o n d t i m e . T h i s p o e m i s p r o p e l l e d 

b y a s e r i e s o f q u e s t i o n s t h a t l e a d t o e v e r - i n c r e a s i n g l y o b v i o u s c o n n e c t i o n s t o t h e 

site o f a r a t i o n a l i t y — m o m e n t s i n e v e r y d a y l i f e t h a t m a y go as u n r e c o g n i z e d as t i m e s 

w h e n w e d i p o u r toes i n t h e i n f i n i t e w a t e r s o f t h e t r a n s c e n d e n t . 

C o m m e n c i n g w i t h t h e i n n o c u o u s , yet s t r a n g e q u e s t i o n o f h o w o l d are y o u 

w h e n y o u l a u g h , t h e p o e m asks t h e s a m e q u e s t i o n a b o u t o t h e r c o m m o n 

e x p e r i e n c e s l i k e t h e c o n s u m p t i o n o f f o o d a n d d r i n k , as w e l l as m u s i c a n d n a t u r e , 

a n d t h e i n t i m a c y o f l o v e a n d i n t e g r i t y . T h e g o a l is t o m a k e p e o p l e s e n s i t i v e t o these 

s p e c i a l m o m e n t s i n t h e i r o w n w a y as t r a n s c e n d e n c e is a l w a y s j u s t a step a w a y . 

W e u n l o c k t h e f o u n t a i n o f y o u t h 
T h r o u g h o u r c h o i c e o f f r a m e s t o v i e w 

A l l m a n n e r o f l i v i n g , b o t h past a n d n e w . 

141 



I n The Goddess of Innovation, I p e r s o n i f y a n d d e i f y a n d t h e n h o p e t o e v o k e t h e 

t r a n s c e n d e n t state o f a r a t i o n a l i t y . 

A n d i f she d o e s a r r i v e 
It's u s u a l l y a s u r p r i s e a n d 

I d o n ' t a l w a y s sense h e r p r e s e n c e 
J u s t t h a t c o l o r s s e e m b r i g h t 
A n d t h e f l o w is t o t a l l y r i g h t 

A n d n e w i d e a s p o p f o r t h f r o m m y e s s e n c e 

F r o m years o f w o r k i n g w i t h i n t h e site o f t h e a r a t i o n a l , I k n o w t h a t t h e p e r s o n a l 

c o n t e x t u a l f r a m e n e e d e d t o e n t e r t h e site c a n b e c h a l l e n g i n g t o s u s t a i n . 

A n d as I r e l a x , I k n o w she is r i g h t 
I j u s t get i n m y o w n w a y 

F o r t h e t r i c k is t o o p e n t h e d o o r 
A n d a l l o w her t o e x p l o r e w i t h o u t 
B l o c k i n g o r c o n t r o l l i n g h e r stay 

A n d t h a t ' s e a s i e r s a i d t h a n d o n e 
F o r t h e m i n d ' s r a s c a l m o n k e y f o r o n e 
Is a l w a y s t a l k i n g a n d t a k i n g c o n t r o l 

B u t t h e g o d d e s s n e e d s p l e n t y o f r o o m 
T o create s u c h a t u n e 

T h a t ' s o r i g i n a l a n d f u l l o f s o u l 

A n d t h e m o n k e y w i l l p r e t e n d t o 
B e a s l e e p i n o r d e r t o s n e a k a p e e k 

A t t h e a w e - i n s p i r i n g b e a u t y o f t h e g o d d e s s 
B u t she c a n sense h i m t h r o u g h h i s p r o c e s s 

A n d she w i l l fade a w a y g l o w i n g 

A n o t h e r p o e m t h a t d e a l s w i t h t h i s z o n e o f i n n o v a t i o n is t h e p o e m e n t i t l e d 

High Wire Guitar. T h e c i r c u s m e t a p h o r d r a w s i n a l l t y p e s o f s e c o n d a r y 

a s s o c i a t i o n s w i t h d a n g e r a n d d a r i n g a n d h i g h d r a m a . B u t t h i s p o e m is a l s o f i l l e d 

w i t h m i x e d i m a g e r y o f s p i r i t u a l i s m . I n i t i a l l y , I refer t o g u i t a r p l a y i n g as w a l k i n g o n 

w a t e r . I refer t o t h e m a n t r a Om Mani Padme Hum t o e v o k e t h e n o t i o n o f c o m p l e t e 

142 



c o n c e n t r a t i o n , t h e B u d d h a o f C o m p a s s i o n , a n d t h e w h i r l i n g o f t h e s p h e r e s . T h e 

p i n n a c l e , o r g o l d e n m e a n , a r r i v e s w i t h t h e t w o w o r d s , " Y o u a r e . " 

You are 
Y o u r e x t e n s i o n a n d 

If a l l m a n n e r o f t h i n g s h a v e 
L o c k e d t h e m s e l v e s i n t o 
T h e m o s t s a c r e d p a t t e r n 

W h e n t h e s u n m a k e s l o v e t o t h e m o o n 
A n d t h e t i d e s r o l l b a c k w a r d t o r e v e a l 

A n c i e n t s h i p w r e c k s a n d cities 
O f so l o n g ago, yet y o u k n o w 

A n d t h e h o w l o f t h e w o l f 
B e c o m e s a n a r i a o f u n s p e a k a b l e b e a u t y . . . 

T h e n y o u are r e a d y 

F r o m these w o r d s I c o n s t r u c t a t r i u m v i r a t e o f a s s o c i a t i o n s t h a t l i n k s g u i t a r 

s o l o i n g w i t h t h e c i r c u s as w e l l as w i t h d e e p s p i r i t u a l i s m . I n s o d o i n g , I h o p e t o 

s i m u l a t e s o m e o f m y p s y c h o l o g i c a l e x p e r i e n c e s o f c r e a t i n g m u s i c o n stage f o r t h e 

r e a d e r . W i t h t h e d e c l i n e o f t h e i n f l u e n c e o f t h e c h u r c h i n t h e 1 9 6 0 ' s , m a n y y o u n g 

p e o p l e t u r n e d t o a n i n f o r m a l s p i r i t u a l i t y a n d i d o l a t r y t h r o u g h t h e p o p i c o n s . 

P e o p l e w o u l d c a r e f u l l y l i s t e n t o l y r i c s as i f t h e r e w e r e m o d e r n s c r i p t u r e s . G u i t a r 

w i z a r d s l i k e E r i c C l a p t o n a n d J i m i H e n d r i x b e c a m e t h e h i g h p r i e s t s o f t h e 

m o v e m e n t . T h e r e i n , e x t e n d e d b l u e s b a s e d s o l o s g u i d e d u s t o n e w l e v e l s o f 

t r a n s c e n d e n c e . A n d s o , t h i s p o e m s t e m s f r o m that a t t i t u d e , w h e r e t h e a c t i o n s o f 

t h e i m p r o v i s e r m o d e l a s a c r e d r i t u a l w h e r e i n t h e p a s s i o n a n d t h e l i f e f o r c e o f t h e 

p l a y e r t u r n t h e s o l o i n t o a h y m n o f t r a n s c e n d e n c e . 

143 



Reflections and Intimate Looks into the Form and Function 
of the Educational Landscape 

T h e r e are a n u m b e r o f p o e m s a n d n a r r a t i v e s t h a t w e r e c o m p o s e d d u r i n g m y 

g r a d u a t e w o r k t h a t a d d r e s s e d u c a t i o n a l i s s u e s . T h e s e i n c l u d e t h e f o l l o w i n g p o e m s : 

On Music Class after a Sleepless Night, a n d How Do You Determine, as w e l l as t h e 

n a r r a t i v e s , The Hustler, a n d This Day in a Life. 

On Music Class after a Sleepless Night i n v i t e s t h e r e a d e r t o i m a g i n e s o m e o f 

t h e f e e l i n g a n d a t m o s p h e r e o f a m o d e r n j u n i o r h i g h m u s i c class w i t h t h e a d d i t i o n a l 

b o n u s o f s e e i n g it f r o m t h e t e a c h e r ' s p e r s p e c t i v e . M a n y p e o p l e h a v e t a k e n b a n d 

classes w h e n t h e y w e r e i n s c h o o l , b u t f e w k n o w w h a t t h e e x p e r i e n c e is l i k e o n t h e 

Other s i d e o f t h e b a t o n . I i n c o r p o r a t e d r e a l s o u n d s f r o m o n e o f m y j u n i o r c o n c e r t 

b a n d s t o i n t e n s i f y a n d v a l i d a t e t h e m o o d o f t h e o p e n i n g l i n e s . 

L a z y s o u n d s , c r a z y s o u n d s , 
D e e p f r o m a b e d o f m o r n i n g s i l e n c e 

T h e y b l o o m 
I n a l l s h a p e s a n d sizes 

S o u n d s o f b r a s s , s o u n d s e l e c t r i c , s o u n d s p a t h e t i c 
F r o m o l d reeds a n d m o l d y reeds a n d 

M i s r e a d s o f m u s i c w i t h 
C a s e s b a n g i n g a n d m u s i c s t a n d s c l a n g i n g 

I t a l k a b o u t h o w t h e m u s i c g r o w s i n i n t e n s i t y u n t i l t h e r e is a p o i n t w h e r e t h e 

o v e r l a p p i n g o f s o u n d is so f r e q u e n t t h a t t h e s o u n d s c o n g e a l o n e e n o r m o u s s t o r m 

t h a t s e e m s t o h a v e g a i n e d a l i f e o f its o w n . 

T h e g r o w l i n g , h o w l i n g , c r a s h i n g , a n d c l a s h i n g 
O f these f r a g m e n t s o f f r e q u e n c y a n d e m o t i o n 

I n t h i s l u m p y s o n i c m a s s h i t s 
Its c r i t i c a l p o i n t o f n o r e t u r n a n d m o r p h s 
I n t o o n e h i d e o u s m u l t i - t e n d r i l l e d e n t i t y 

T h a t c o n t i n u e s t o e x p a n d a n d 

144 



F e e d o f f b l a c k h o l e recesses 
A n d s u d d e n l y l a s h e s o u t at m e , 

K n o c k i n g m e senseless w i t h 
U n b e a r a b l e d i s s o n a n c e a n d d e c i b e l s 

T h a t m o v e s t o d e s t a b i l i z e m y v e r y f r a m e 
O f c a l m a n d d e t a c h e d p r o f e s s i o n a l i s m (?) 

T r y i n g t o start a class r e q u i r e s p u l l i n g t h e c h i l d r e n o u t o f t h e i r o w n 

e x p l o r a t i o n s a n d b a c k t o s i l e n c e . T h i s is c a n b e a c h a l l e n g e . S o m e b a n d t e a c h e r s 

r e s o r t t o a m i l i t a r y - l i k e a t m o s p h e r e w h e r e c h i l d r e n f e a r t h e i r t e a c h e r e n o u g h t o 

q u i c k l y s h u t d o w n w h e n a s k e d . I a s p i r e t o h a v e , h o w e v e r , a c a l m e r s t y l e , w h e r e i n I 

foster a m o r e r e l a x e d e n v i r o n m e n t — o n e t h a t c a n s o m e t i m e s l e a d t o e x p l o r a t i o n o r 

t o o m u c h s o c i a l i z i n g . S o i n m y c l a s s r o o m , b r i n g i n g t h e c h i l d r e n b a c k t o m y m u s i c 

a g e n d a c a n b e c h a l l e n g i n g . 

I s c r a m b l e t o p a d m y ears a n d 
G r a b m y b a t o n w h i l e I 

C a l l f o r t h e F o r c e a n d t h e G o d s o f R e a s o n . 
W a l k i n g o u t o f m y office 

I t a p t w i c e o n t h e m u s i c s t a n d , r a i s i n g m y h a n d w h i l e 
P r a y i n g t h a t t h e a l i e n i n m y r o o m 

W i l l h e a r m y c a l l a n d sense m y i n t e n t i o n a n d 
W i l l f a i l t o detect m y b l u f f 

A n d t h a t m y s h e e r m a g n i t u d e o f c o n v i c t i o n 
W i l l d i s s i p a t e t h i s e n t i t y b a c k t o 

A b e d o f s i l e n c e so t h a t t h e seeds o f 
F o c u s , c o h e s i o n , g r a c e , a n d b e a u t y 

M a y t a k e r o o t a n d o n c e a g a i n 
R e t u r n u s t o a g a r d e n o f s y m p h o n y . 

T h e n a r r a t i v e s The Hustler a n d This Day In a Life d i g m u c h d e e p e r i n t o t h e 

p o l i t i c s a n d i s s u e s t h a t I h a v e d e a l t w i t h i n m y t e n u r e as a m u s i c t e a c h e r . T h e l i g h t 

t o n e p e r m e a t i n g t h e m u s i c a l s o u n d s c a p e o f The Hustler softens t h e h a r s h e r 

r e a l i t i e s o f p o l i t i c s a n d p o w e r i n t h e p u b l i c s y s t e m . T h e d o m i n a n t q u e s t i o n t h a t is 

p o s e d is w h e t h e r I a c t e d w i t h i n t e g r i t y w h e n I m a n i p u l a t e d m y p r i n c i p a l i n t o 

145 



v a l u i n g t h e m u s i c p r o g r a m . I n r e f l e c t i o n , I p r o b a b l y w o u l d d o t h e s a m e t h i n g i f t h e 

s i t u a t i o n c a l l e d f o r it b u t after w r i t i n g t h i s p i e c e , I b e l i e v e t h a t I w o u l d a p p r o a c h 

t h e i s s u e m o r e c a r e f u l l y a n d s l o w l y . 

This Day in a Life c h r o n i c l e s a f i c t i t i o u s d a y i n m y p r o f e s s i o n a l l i f e . A d a y at 

s c h o o l serves as a s c a f f o l d t o f o i s t a p l e t h o r a o f i s s u e s a n d p o i n t s o f v i e w I h a v e 

a b o u t m y j o b a n d p r o f e s s i o n . It is a / r / t o g r a p h i c b y d e f a u l t as it i n t e r w e a v e s m y 

r o l e s as a r t i s t , t e a c h e r a n d r e s e a r c h e r . I n r e v i e w i n g t h i s n a r r a t i v e I t h i n k t h a t it 

serves t h e p u r p o s e o f p r i m i n g r e a d e r s t o t h e t y p i c a l a g e n d a a n d d e m a n d s p l a c e d o n 

m u s i c t e a c h e r s . It r a i s e s q u e s t i o n s a b o u t e t h i c s , a n d t h e p u r p o s e o f t e a c h i n g as w e l l 

as i n v i t i n g t h o u g h t o n h o w m u s i c classes s h o u l d b e s t r u c t u r e d a n d h o w s t u d e n t 

n e e d s c o u l d b e m e t . It a l s o acts as a s p r i n g b o a r d f o r m a n y o t h e r t o p i c s . 

The Intuitive Process and Empathy without Experience 

Reflections on the collaborative process of the Poet and the Piper. 

H o w is it t h a t o n e is a b l e t o s u c c e s s f u l l y c o n s t r u c t m u s i c t o e i t h e r a p o e m , 

n a r r a t i v e , o r l i b r e t t o t h a t c o n t a i n s subjects a n d f e e l i n g s t h a t are f o r e i g n t o t h e 

c o m p o s e r ? O r , t o r e p h r a s e , w h a t m e c h a n i s m s are o p e r a t i n g w h e n a w r i t e r / p o e t 

feels t h a t c o l l a b o r a t i o n w i t h a c o m p o s e r s t r o n g l y c o n v e y s t h e e x p e r i e n t i a l essence 

o f t h e text e v e n t h o u g h t h e c o m p o s e r h a s n e v e r b e e n t h r o u g h a n y o f t h e p o e t ' s 

e x p e r i e n c e s o t h e r t h a n r e a d i n g o r h e a r i n g t h e text? C e r t a i n l y , it is a n 

a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t o f t h e s t r e n g t h o f t h e n a r r a t i v e t o c o n v e y t h e i n t e n t i o n a n d 

affective a t m o s p h e r e o f t h e subject at h a n d . H a v i n g s a i d t h a t , w h e n I reflect o n t h e 

l i f e o f C a r l L e g g o , I m u s t c e r t a i n l y a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t I c o m e f r o m a n o t h e r w o r l d o f 

e x p e r i e n c e . R e g r e t t a b l y , I h a v e n e v e r b e e n east o f Q u e b e c C i t y . I h a v e n e v e r 

146 



b r e a t h e d t h e salt a i r o f t h e east c o a s t — n e v e r m e t its w o n d e r f u l , c o l o u r f u l 

i n h a b i t a n t s . Y e t , t h e r e w a s s o m e i n e x p l i c a b l e l i n k i n g b e t w e e n C a r l a n d m y s e l f . 

C a r l , a n d h i s w i f e L a n a , w e r e b o t h v e r y p l e a s e d w i t h o u r a / r / t o g r a p h i c 

c o l l a b o r a t i o n . L a n a felt t h a t I r e a l l y u n d e r s t o o d t h e m o o d s , i d e a s a n d f e e l i n g s C a r l 

t r i e d t o c o n v e y . T h e f o l l o w i n g d i s c o u r s e is a r e f l e c t i o n o n t h e e v e n t , i n h o p e s o f 

g l e a n i n g s o m e i n s i g h t i n t o t h e q u e s t i o n o f i n t u i t i v e e m p a t h e t i c c o n n e c t i o n s a n d 

r e n d e r i n g s a l b e i t w i t h o u t r e a l t i m e e x p e r i e n c e . 

T h e s e v e n p o e m s t h a t C a r l s h a r e d w i t h m e w e r e t r e a t e d i n d i v i d u a l l y . N o 

c o n s c i o u s l i n k i n g t h r o u g h m o t i f o r style w a s u s e d . H a v i n g s a i d t h a t , a n u m b e r o f 

p o e m s w e r e f r o m a p e r i o d w h e n C a r l w a s r e f l e c t i n g o n h i s east coast c h i l d h o o d 

e x p e r i e n c e s i n N e w f o u n d l a n d , C a n a d a . M a n y o f these a r t i s t i c r e f l e c t i o n s , w i t h t h e 

e x c e p t i o n o f L y n c h ' s L a n e , s e e m e d t o c a l l f o r a c a s u a l style o f w r i t i n g . T h e S a m e 

N o s e c a l l e d t o m e f o r a f o l k - l i k e a c c o m p a n i m e n t i n a t w o - p a r t s t r u c t u r e . C a r l t o l d 

m e t h a t h i s d a d l i k e d c o u n t r y m u s i c . I t h i n k o f S c o t t i s h j i g s a n d reels as b e i n g p a r t 

o f t h e east coast s u b c o n s c i o u s m u s i c a l / c u l t u r a l m o s a i c . S o , I d e c i d e d t o s p i n a n 

east coast reel w i t h a t w i s t o f c o u n t r y . I s t a r t e d w i t h a h o o k f o r a c o u s t i c g u i t a r . 

F r o m t h e r e , it is c o n t i n u o u s l y r e p e a t e d w i t h v a r i o u s i n s t r u m e n t s j o i n i n g i n t o 

e x p a n d , c o u n t r i f y , a n d v a r i a t e t h e s p i r i t o f t h e h o o k . T h e S k i p p e r ( A . K . A . , C a r l ' s 

father) h a s c l e a r l y d e f i n e d v i e w s o n a n y n u m b e r o f t o p i c s , b u t o n e v i e w t h a t s t a n d s 

o u t is h i s d i s t a i n f o r s n o b s . W h e n C a r l refers t o o t h e r t o p i c s o f r a n t , t h e m u s i c 

m o v e s i n t o a m i n o r s e t t i n g . A f t e r eight b a r s , it r e t u r n s t o t h e h a p p y , d a n c e a b l e f i r s t 

t h e m e i n a n A / B / A s t r u c t u r e . T h e w h o l e p i e c e , b e i n g i n p a r t , a m i r r o r o f C a r l ' s 

f a t h e r , a s s u m e s a s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d q u a l i t y — o n e t h a t is d e c o r a t e d w i t h t h e m u s i c a l 

e q u i v a l e n t s o f b l u e - c o l l a r c u l t u r e a n d v a l u e s . 

147 



I n r e t r o s p e c t , it w o u l d h a v e h e l p e d t o h a v e m e t S k i p p e r b e f o r e w r i t i n g t h i s 

p i e c e . W r i t i n g m u s i c f o r p o e m s t h a t a d d r e s s i n n e r f e e l i n g s o r a b s t r a c t i d e a s a l l o w s 

f o r m o r e f r e e d o m t h a n w r i t i n g m u s i c f o r a p e r s o n t h a t is s t i l l a l i v e . I b e l i e v e t h a t 

t h e l a t t e r d e m a n d s a c c u r a c y — m u c h l i k e t h e a c c u r a c y s o u g h t b y a h i s t o r i a n . 

P e r h a p s , i n p a r t d u e t o t h i s , I feel t h e least s a t i s f i e d w i t h t h i s p i e c e 

No Locks v i v i d l y t a k e s o n e b a c k t o t h e h o u s e w h e r e C a r l g r e w u p . U s u a l l y , 

C a r l r e a d s t h i s p o e m w i t h a l o t o f f r e n e t i c e n e r g y . T h i s h o u s e w a s a v e r y b u s y p l a c e . 

I t r i e d t o c a p t u r e s o m e o f t h e e n e r g y a n d d r a m a . M y f i r s t step w a s t o create a 

m o v i n g , t u m b l i n g d r u m p a t t e r n t h a t l o c k s i n w i t h a f u r i o u s l y f r a n t i c b a s s p a r t . If 

y o u l i s t e n , y o u w i l l h e a r t h e s o u n d o f C a r l ' s m o t h e r s w e e p i n g w i t h a b r o o m w h i c h 

b e c a m e a m e t a p h o r i c a l c l e a r i n g o f t h e h o u s e f o r t h e n e x t a c t i v i t y i n t h e i r t h r e e - r i n g 

c i r c u s o f d o m e s t i c i t y . 

A t r a d i t i o n a l j a z z g u i t a r is u s e d t o f u r t h e r h i g h l i g h t t h e s w i r l i n g e n e r g y . I 

p u r p o s e f u l l y c r e a t e d a v e r y a b r u p t e n d i n g t o c o n t r a s t w i t h t h e s i l e n c e f o l l o w i n g t h e 

t r a c k . I w a n t e d t h e l i s t e n e r t o feel a b i t o f r e l i e f w h e n it w a s o v e r . 

O v e r a l l , I felt f a i r l y p l e a s e d w i t h t h i s s o u n d s c a p e as it s e e m e d t o s u p p o r t 

C a r l ' s f e v e r i s h r e a d i n g o f t h e p o e m . T h i s p i e c e f u r t h e r c o n v i n c e d m e o f t h e v a l u e o f 

h e a r i n g p o e t s r e a d t h e i r o w n w r i t i n g s . I n d e e d , t h e act o f p e r f o r m a n c e p o e t r y s e e m s 

i n i t s e l f a m u l t i - l a y e r e d a n d e s s e n t i a l l y a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s . T e x t is c o m b i n e d 

w i t h o r a t o r y . S o s t r o n g is t h i s a l c h e m y t h a t I f o u n d m y s e l f s e l d o m r e f e r r i n g t o a 

h a r d c o p y o f C a r l ' s p o e m s . W h e n I w a n t e d t o e x p e r i e n c e h i s p o e t r y , m y r e c o r d i n g s 

o f C a r l w e r e f a r m o r e s a t i a t i n g t h a n t h e o n e - d i m e n s i o n a l f o r m o n p a p e r . C a r l ' s 

r e a d i n g s m o v e i n r e a l t i m e . H i s s u b c o n s c i o u s u s e o f m e t e r , p h r a s i n g , d y n a m i c s , 

t e n u t o , a c c e l e r a n d o , r i t a r d a n d o a n d a r t i c u l a t i o n u n f o l d l i k e a s y m p h o n i c d r a m a . 

148 



L i s t e n i n g t o t h e s e m u s i c a l e l e m e n t s o f C a r l ' s p e r f o r m a n c e i n t u r n s h a p e d t h e 

m u s i c a l " n e s t " t h a t I c o n s t r u c t e d f o r t h e p o e m . K n o w i n g t h e w a y t h a t C a r l w r i t e s , I 

w o u l d a r g u e t h a t h i s p o e t r y i n p a r t i c u l a r s h o u l d b e h e a r d ( t h r o u g h p e r f o r m a n c e ) , 

r a t h e r t h a n b e i n g r e a d . If I h a d i n i t i a l l y e x p e r i e n c e d t h i s p o e m t h r o u g h m y o w n 

r e a d i n g o f it, I d o u b t t h a t I w o u l d h a v e a u t o m a t i c a l l y i n t e r p r e t e d t h e p o e m w i t h 

s u c h v i g o r . 

Picnics c a l l e d f o r a b r o a d e r , i n t r o s p e c t i v e , a n d m o r e m e l a n c h o l y a p p r o a c h . 

O u r a w a r e n e s s o f l i m i t e d t i m e o n e a r t h i s a r g u a b l y a m o s t d i f f i c u l t t o p i c . W i t h t h i s 

p o e m , I felt t h a t C a r l ' s u n i q u e f r a m i n g w a s p o i g n a n t a n d c o m p e l l i n g . I w a n t e d t h i s 

p i e c e t o h a v e a n i n s t r u m e n t a l o p e n i n g t h a t p r e p a r e d t h e l i s t e n e r f o r t h e 

m e l a n c h o l y a n d c o m p l e x m o o d t h e p o e m g e n e r a t e d . I u s e d a j a z z - l i k e g e n r e 

i n s t e a d o f a p u r e c l a s s i c a l p i e c e b e c a u s e C a r l l i g h t e n s u p t h e p o e m t o w a r d t h e e n d . 

I p l a c e d a n i n s t r u m e n t a l s o l o i n t h e c e n t e r o f t h e p o e m f o r r e a s o n s t h a t w e r e t w o 

f o l d . F i r s t , t o r e i n f o r c e t h e m o o d a n d m o v e m e n t o f t h e p o e m . S e c o n d , t o a l l o w t h e 

l i s t e n e r t o reflect o n t h e w o r d s s p o k e n t h u s far. L i k e t h e p o e m , t h e m u s i c h a s a n 

i n e v i t a b l e s w i n g t o it a n d e v e n t u a l l y w i n d s d o w n l i k e a c l o c k . 

C a r l a n d I a r e b o t h c l o s e t o t h e s a m e age a n d t h o u g h h e w a s c l e a r l y c o g n i z a n t 

a n d c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h e f i n a l i t y o f t h e e a r t h l y h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e at a n e a r l y age, I, 

as a 5 2 - y e a r - o l d m a n , e m p a t h i z e d o n a l e v e l t h a t p r e v i o u s l y w o u l d n o t b e p o s s i b l e 

f o r m e . 

My Mother's House d e m o n s t r a t e s a p e r n i c i o u s t h e m e i n C a r l ' s p o e t r y : t h e 

c o l l i d i n g o f c o n t e x t u a l f r a m e s a n d past r e c o l l e c t i o n s w i t h n e w c o n t e x t u a l 

a w a r e n e s s o f t h e p r e s e n t . T h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d f e e l i n g s o f c h i l d h o o d e x p e r i e n c e s 

c a n c h a n g e so d r a m a t i c a l l y as w e go t h r o u g h o u r l i v e s , g a i n i n g n e w e x p e r i e n c e s , 

149 



n e w u n d e r s t a n d i n g s , a n d , p e r h a p s , n e w l e v e l s o f e m p a t h y a n d c o m p a s s i o n f o r 

o t h e r s as w e l l as o u r s e l v e s . W i t h t h i s p r o c e s s , I see C a r l L e g g o , t h e p o e t , as 

m e t a p h o r i c a l l y s i t t i n g i n t h e m i d d l e o f a r o o m o f m i r r o r s t h a t reflect b a c k d i f f e r i n g 

a n g l e s o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g . P h y s i c i s t s t h e o r i z e t h a t , i f o n e c o u l d accelerate fast 

e n o u g h , o n e c o u l d b e n d b a c k t h r o u g h t i m e a n d r e t u r n t o t h e p a s t . I n t h i s p o e m , 

C a r l r e t u r n s t o h i s m o t h e r ' s h o m e a n d d i s c o v e r s t h a t it is v e r i t a b l y u n c h a n g e d s i n c e 

C a r l g r e w u p i n it. C a r l e x a m i n e s it as a t i m e - t r a v e l e r m i g h t , w h e r e i n h i s p a s t 

a r c h e t y p i c a l m e m o r i e s o f h i s h o m e p a r a d o x i c a l l y c o n f i r m a n d c o l l i d e w i t h h i s 

c u r r e n t a d u l t e x p e r i e n c e s o f t h e h o u s e . T h e p a s t l o o k s t h e s a m e , yet d i f f e r e n t , as it 

is m i r r o r e d t h r o u g h t h e n e w l e n s o f a m a t u r e m a n , p o e t , a c a d e m i c , f a t h e r , h u s b a n d 

a n d w o r l d t r a v e l e r . I n t h i s r o o m o f m i r r o r s , t h e past l o o k s n e w , t h e p a s t l o o k s o l d , 

t h e past i n f o r m s t h e p r e s e n t , a n d t h e p r e s e n t i n f o r m s t h e past. 

T o a c c o m p a n y t h i s m i x o f f e e l i n g s , I w r o t e a s o u n d s c a p e t h a t is v e r y c i r c u l a r , 

o n e t h a t j u s t k e e p s g o i n g , n o t u n l i k e t h e r e f l e c t i o n s i n a r o o m o f m i r r o r s . It a l s o 

r e m i n d s m e o f t h e l o n g c a r r i d e s t h a t I t o o k as a b o y e a c h s u m m e r t o t h e s a m e 

p l a c e . M u s i c a l events h a p p e n i n t h i s p i e c e j u s t l i k e t h e c o m i n g a n d g o i n g o f s c e n e r y 

a l o n g t h e w a y . W e W o u l d n e v e r s t o p — C a r r i e ' s ( C a r l ' s m o t h e r ' s ) p l a c e n e v e r 

c h a n g e s — a n d so t h e r e is a b e n i g n , o b s e r v a t i o n a l f e e l i n g t o t h e w h o l e event. W h a t 

c h a n g e s is r e a l l y i n t e r n a l . A n d so t h e s o u n d s c a p e s l o w i n g v a n i s h e s , its f o l k s y style 

e m p h a s i z i n g t h e c o n t e n t s o f t h e h o u s e a n d its o w n e r . 

The Diver is a p o w e r f u l piece o f p o e t r y . E v e r y t i m e I h e a r it, C a r l ' s w r i t i n g 

f o r c e s m e t o e x p e r i e n c e a c o m p l e t e v i s i o n o f t h e s t o r y i n m y m i n d ' s eye. I n t h e 

b e g i n n i n g , I w a n t e d t o create a c a l m , w a t e r y f e e l i n g -the f e e l i n g t h a t o n e h a s w h e n 

y o u are s w i m m i n g u n d e r t h e w a t e r a n d r i s i n g u p t o t h e s u r f a c e f o r a i r . T h e n 

150 



i n t u i t i v e l y , I d e c i d e d t h a t t h i s p o e m w i t h its d r a m a t i c s t o r y , s t o p s , s t a r t s , a n d 

t r u n c a t i o n o f p r e s e n t w i t h p a s t , r e q u i r e d a l o o s e r , a n d m o r e f l e x i b l e m u s i c a l 

s u p p o r t . U s i n g d r u m s o r s t r i c t t i m e j u s t d i d n o t s e e m a p p r o p r i a t e . A s i n g l e g u i t a r 

s e e m e d t h e best c h o i c e . A s I l i s t e n e d t o t h e p o e m , I s i m p l y i m p r o v i s e d m u s i c a l 

m o o d s a n d t e m p o s . O u t o f t h e s e v e n p o e m s , t h i s p i e c e s e e m e d t o r e l y t h e m o s t o n 

i m m e d i a t e i n t u i t i v e r e s p o n s e s . T h e r e w a s l i t t l e r e v i s i o n - o n l y t h e o v e r d u b o f w i n d 

c h i m e s at a f e w c h o s e n s p o t s . I n d e e d , d u e t o s p o n t a n e o u s c r e a t i o n , I d o n ' t 

r e c o g n i z e m y p l a y i n g at c e r t a i n p o i n t s . I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t I p l a y e d a n d I c o u l d n ' t 

d u p l i c a t e it a c c u r a t e l y w i t h o u t t r a n s c r i b i n g p a r t s o f it. I c o n t i n u e t o e n j o y t h e p o e m 

a n d t h e s o u n d s c a p e a n d o f t e n t h i n k a b o u t y o u t h , d a r i n g a n d f o o l i s h n e s s , a n d t h e i r 

n e e d f o r acts o f f u n d a m e n t a l i s t r e d u c t i o n i s m i n h e r o i s m . 

T h e p o e m e n t i t l e d O w a s a j o y t o w o r k w i t h . A l t h o u g h C a r l s p o k e v e r y l i t t l e 

a b o u t w h a t h e h e a r d m u s i c a l l y f o r these s o u n d s c a p e s , I d o r e c a l l h i m m e n t i o n i n g 

t h e i d e a o f s u r f m u s i c . B u t w h e n I s t a r t e d w o r k i n g o n t h e p i e c e , h i s a l l u d i n g t o a 

b r o n c o b u s t e r p u s h e d m e i n t o m o r p h i n g t h e s u r f m u s i c i n t o a h o m o g e n e o u s b l e n d 

o f s u r f a n d c o u n t r y m u s i c w h i c h w a s a s o r t o f L o n e S t a r S u r f . T h e n , I p u l l e d o u t m y 

telecaster g u i t a r a n d m y s l i d e a n d t r i e d t o m u s i c a l l y e m u l a t e t h e r i d e w i t h its s l o p e 

a n d b u m p s a n d e v e n t u a l c r a s h . T h i s s o u n d s c a p e is v e r y l i g h t - h e a r t e d a n d w o r k s 

w e l l f o r m e i n t h e c o n t e x t o f t h e six o t h e r p o e m s . I d o n o t k n o w h o w c o m f o r t a b l e I 

w o u l d b e i f it w e r e p l a y e d o u t o f t h e c o n t e x t o f t h e C D . 

T h e r e a d i n g ofLynch's Lane w a s a p a r t i c u l a r l y p o w e r f u l e x p e r i e n c e f o r m e . 

C a r l h a s a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y gift o f r e c a l l i n g t h e past a n d p u t t i n g t h e r e a d e r i n t o t h e 

centre o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e . T h i s is a c h i e v e d i n p a r t t h r o u g h h i s a b i l i t y t o t u n e i n t o 

s m a l l d e t a i l s w h i c h f o r m o s t o f u s , are l o n g f o r g o t t e n . T h e taste o f t h e f i r s t p o p s i c l e 

151 



i n s u m m e r , t h e p i n k f l e s h o f f r i e d t r o u t d r a w s o u r a t t e n t i o n t o t h e t h i n g s t h a t s t o o d 

o u t w h e n w e w e r e y o u n g a n d t h e w o r l d w a s n e w . T h e p o e m is o n c e b o t h o r d i n a r y 

a n d s u b l i m e l y e x t r a - o r d i n a r y . 

D u r i n g t h e A u g u s t ( 2 0 0 5 ) t h a t I w r o t e t h e m u s i c f o r C a r l ' s p o e m s , I w a s l o s t 

i n m y o w n w o r l d o f r e c o l l e c t i o n . M y f a t h e r w a s v e r y s i c k w i t h l u n g c a n c e r . I n d e e d , 

h e w o u l d d i e j u s t a w e e k after t h e c o m p l e t i o n o f m y c o l l a b o r a t i o n w i t h C a r l . A s I 

w r o t e t h e m u s i c f o r Lynch's Lane, C a r l ' s o p e n i n g a n d c l o s i n g l i n e s t h a t s i g n i f y b o t h 

t h e p e r m a n e n c e a n d i m p o r t a n c e o f c h i l d h o o d m e m o r i e s r e v e r b e r a t e d w i t h t h e 

i n t e n s i f y i n g p r o s p e c t t h a t m y r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h m y f a t h e r w o u l d s o o n c o l l a p s e i n t o 

a s e r i e s o f s p e c i a l m e m o r i e s . A s s u c h , I w a s u n a b l e t o w o r k o n C a r l ' s p o e m w i t h o u t 

t h i n k i n g o f m y D a d a n d h i s i m m a n e n t p a s s i n g i n t o t h i s f i e l d o f m e m o r i e s . T h e 

s a n c t i t y o f t h e s e t h o u g h t s a n d C a r l ' s m e m o r i e s f o r c e d m e t o w r i t e m u s i c f r o m t h e 

p i a n o . I a m n o t a p i a n i s t , a n d s o I w a s f o r c e d t o l o o p t o g e t h e r s m a l l p h r a s e s . T h e 

t h e m e t h a t e n t e r s at t h e e n d o f t h e p o e m is a m o t i f i c r e p r e s e n t a t i o n o f t h e s p i r i t o f 

m y f a t h e r as w e l l as t h e s p i r i t o f a l l t h e i m p o r t a n t m e m o r i e s o f g r o w i n g u p . I w o u l d 

l i k e t o h a v e o r c h e s t r a t e d t h i s s e c t i o n as I e n v i s i o n e d a c e l l o p l a y i n g o r at least 

d o u b l i n g t h i s t h e m e . J u s t b e f o r e t h e p i e c e e n d s , t h e t h e m e d i s s o l v e s i n t o a p e a c e f u l 

c o n s o n a n c e - m e t a p h o r i c a l l y e c h o i n g t h e e n d o f m y f a t h e r ' s t r o u b l e s w i t h t h e f i n a l 

passage. 

152 



Section IV 

What have I learned/unlearned? 

To Believe in Myself and Value of My Unique Artistic Voice 

T h r o u g h t h i s j o u r n e y o f g r a d s t u d i e s , I h a v e b e e n l e d m y s e l f t o r e s u r r e c t m y 

o w n v o i c e . T h a t i s , h o w e v e r , p r e c i p i t a t e d o n a n u m b e r o f o t h e r f a c t o r s , t h e l e a s t o f 

w h i c h b e i n g t h a t I b e l i e v e i n m y s e l f a n d i n m y o w n i n t r i n s i c v a l u e as a h u m a n . 

A s I w a s g r o w i n g u p , h e r o e s a n d h e r o i c artists s e e m e d t o b e v e r y s e l f - a s s u r e d a n d 

g e n e r a l l y r i g h t a b o u t m a n y i s s u e s . T e l e v i s i o n h e r o e s w e r e a l w a y s b l a c k a n d w h i t e r i g h t . 

L a t e r , m y m u s i c a l h e r o e s s e e m e d t o b e v e r y c o n f i d e n t . E v e n as a y o u n g , u n k n o w n 

m u s i c i a n a r r i v i n g i n N e w Y o r k , B o b D y l a n ( 2 0 0 4 ) w a s v e r y c o n f i d e n t a b o u t h i m s e l f : 

"...I h a d a h e i g h t e n e d sense o f a w a r e n e s s , w a s set i n m y w a y s , i m p r a c t i c a l a n d a 
v i s i o n a r y t o b o o t . M y m i n d w a s s t r o n g l i k e a t r a p a n d I d i d n ' t n e e d a n y g u a r a n t e e 
o f v a l i d i t y . " (p. 9 ) . 

S o m e h o w , a l o n g t h e w a y , as a s m a l l b o y , I m i x e d u p t h e n o t i o n o f h e r o w i t h b e i n g 

a n a d u l t . I n fact, I felt t h a t i n o r d e r t o b e g r o w n u p , y o u h a d t o b e a h e r o o n s o m e l e v e l . 

W h e n I r e f l e c t e d o n m y s e l f , a n d c o m p a r e d m y s e l f a g a i n s t these h e r o e s , I a l w a y s 

felt I h a d a l o n g w a y t o go. T h e w o r l d w a s a m y s t e r i o u s a n d c o m p l e x p l a c e . M y T V 

h e r o e s a n d e v e n m y D a d s e e m e d v e r y c l e a r a n d c o n t r o l l e d , d e c i s i v e a n d r e s o l u t e . T V 

h e r o e s u n d e r s t o o d t h e w o r l d a n d a l w a y s m a d e t h e r i g h t c h o i c e s . A s I t h o u g h t a b o u t 

m y s e l f , I c o u l d see h o w u n d e v e l o p e d I w a s ; I c o u l d see t h a t I d i d n ' t k n o w a l o t a b o u t t h e 

w o r l d , m u c h less l e a d i n a n y w a y . A s I a l w a y s felt u n s u r e , I t e n d e d t o m o v e c a u t i o u s l y 

t h r o u g h l i f e . I f a i l e d as a b o y t o a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t w h e n I l o o k e d at m y s e l f , I j u d g e d m y 

i d e n t i t y a n d b e h a v i o r s f r o m a p o s i t i o n o f p r i v i l e g e , i n t h e sense t h a t I c o u l d c l e a r l y see 

a l l m y f a i l i n g s a n d a l l m y e x p e r i e n t i a l i n a d e q u a c i e s . W i t h o u t t h e c r i t i c a l a b i l i t y t o see 

153 



t h a t m y h e r o e s s u f f e r e d f r o m t h e i r o w n set o f f a i l i n g s , I felt g e n e r a l l y i n f e r i o r . T h r o u g h 

t h i s p r o c e s s , I u n k n o w i n g l y c o n s t r u c t e d p s y c h o l o g i c a l b l o c k s a g a i n s t m y o w n s u c c e s s . I 

h a d f a i l e d t o r e a l i z e t h a t h e r o e s , as I p e r c e i v e d t h e m , d o n o t e x i s t - humans exist, a n d 

s o m e h u m a n s act i n h e r o i c w a y s . T h e h u m a n c o n d i t i o n is o n e o f f a l l i b i l i t y a n d l e a r n i n g 

a n d k n o w l e d g e a c q u i s i t i o n o f t e n o c c u r s t h r o u g h a n d i n s p i t e o f m i s t a k e s . Y e t s o m e h o w , 

I c o n v i n c e d m y s e l f t h a t b u r d e n e d w i t h m y o w n f a l l i b i l i t y , I h a d less o f v a l u e t o 

c o n t r i b u t e t h a n o t h e r s . 

T h i s m a y , i n p a r t , h a v e a l s o b e e n a r e s u l t o f m y a d o l e s c e n t i n a b i l i t y t o c o n n e c t 

w i t h m y c u l t u r e . S o m a n y aspects o f m y c u l t u r e d i d n o t a p p e a l t o m e . T h e b l u e - c o l l a r 

c u l t u r e o f t h e ' 5 0 ' s s e e m e d n a r r o w a n d j u d g m e n t a l a n d t r y i n g t o fit i n s e e m e d t o k i l l m y 

l i f e f o r c e . A s I m o v e d i n t o a d o l e s c e n c e , t h e s u b u r b a n l i f e s t y l e t h a t w a s e m b r a c e d b y so 

m a n y C a n a d i a n s , s e e m e d l i k e a n i m p o s s i b l y s m a l l r e p o s i t o r y f o r m y restless n a t u r e . B u t 

m y M o m a n d D a d d i d s e e m t o fit i n , as d i d so m a n y o t h e r s , t o t h e p o i n t t h a t I felt 

o b l i g e d t o a s s u m e t h a t t h e p r o b l e m l a y w i t h i n m e . T h i s c a t a p u l t e d m e i n t o a d e c a d e s 

l o n g j o u r n e y t o c h a n g e m y s e l f i n o r d e r t o fit i n . 

To Work on Releasing Comparisons and Cultural Norms and 
Measurements of Value 

W h y I c o u l d n o t b e l i e v e t h a t I c o u l d b e right—that t h e c u l t u r e c o u l d b e 

p r o b l e m a t i c , i f n o t l e t h a l f o r s o m e o f its m e m b e r s — s t i l l e l u d e s m e . I n fact, as I 

g r e w u p , it w a s o b v i o u s t h a t s o m e o f m y n e w m u s i c a l h e r o e s s u f f e r e d b a d l y a n d 

w e n t g e n e r a l l y u n r e c o g n i z e d f o r t h e i r c o n t r i b u t i o n s . S a x o p h o n i s t C h a r l i e P a r k e r 

a n d g u i t a r i s t L e n n y B r e a u b o t h l e d a r t i s t i c l i v e s o f a m a z i n g o r i g i n a l i t y a n d a r t i s t i c 

a c h i e v e m e n t yet b o t h s t r u g g l e d t o s u r v i v e a n d b o t h r e c e i v e d l i t t l e r e c o g n i t i o n 

154 



r e l a t i v e t o t h e m a g n i t u d e o f t h e i r a r t i s t i c g e n i u s . I d o n o t k n o w h o w m u c h t h i s l a c k 

o f r e c o g n i t i o n b o t h e r e d P a r k e r o r B r e a u , b u t I a m s u r e t h a t , at l e a s t f i n a n c i a l l y , it 

m u s t h a v e b e e n a v e r y f r u s t r a t i n g e x p e r i e n c e . T h e s e great artists u n c o v e r e d n e w 

a r t i s t i c f r o n t i e r s t h r o u g h t h e i r d e d i c a t i o n a n d o b s e s s i o n w i t h t h e i r art f o r m a n d n o t 

t h r o u g h a n a t t e m p t t o b e c o m e f a m o u s o r f o r f i n a n c i a l g a i n . It s e e m s t h a t a 

p e r s o n a l c o n t e x t o f a r t i s t i c a c h i e v e m e n t b a s e d o n t h e r e s u l t s o f t h e r e c o g n i t i o n o f 

t h e c u l t u r e , r e p r e s e n t s a d a n g e r o u s m i n d - s e t . O n e m u s t f o l l o w o n e ' s v o i c e f o r i t s 

o w n i n t r i n s i c a n d s p i r i t u a l r e w a r d s . If o n e is r e c o g n i z e d p u b l i c l y , s o be it, b u t t h a t 

c a n n o t b e t h e d r i v i n g f o r c e o f a n y a r t i s t i c e n d e a v o r s . L e o n a r d C o h e n d i s m i s s e s t h e 

r e l e v a n c e o f t h e c u l t u r e ' s f a i l u r e t o r e c o g n i z e L e n n y B r e a u ' s g e n i u s . I n t h e E m i l y 

H u g h e s ' f i l m , The Genius of Lenny Breau, ( 1 9 9 9 ) , C o h e n states t h a t B r e a u w a s 

" b u r n i n g i n t h e f u r n a c e o f c r e a t i o n , " a n d t h a t a l o n e w a s n o u r i s h i n g . H e c o n t i n u e d 

b y s a y i n g t h a t f o r s o m e p e o p l e t h i s n o u r i s h m e n t is e n o u g h a n d t h a t f o r o t h e r s , "it 

d o e s n ' t m e a n a t h i n g " ( H u g h e s , 1 9 9 9 ) . 

Contextual Shifting and Re-building: Letting go of heroes: To be my 
own hero/no one is a hero/everyone is a hero 

A s I w i t n e s s e d t h i s p e r s o n a l p s y c h o d r a m a u n f o l d , a n d I b e c a m e m o r e 

i n f o r m e d as t o m y o w n i n t r i n s i c w o r t h , I f o u n d m y s e l f m o v i n g a w a y f r o m t h e 

c o n c e p t o f h e r o e s . I n e v e r y d a y a c t i v i t i e s , I n o t e d t h a t I w a s n o t r e a d i n g a b o u t t h e m 

as m u c h o r g i v i n g t h e m as m u c h t h o u g h t . L i v i n g i n t h i s n e w l y " r e n o v a t e d " 

c o n c e p t u a l s p a c e , I s e e m e d t o h a v e l i t t l e e n e r g y f o r t h e p r o c e s s o f m y t h o l o g i z i n g 

o t h e r s . I felt r e a d y t o m o v e o n w a r d t o n e w , o r i g i n a l a d v e n t u r e s i n o r d e r u n f o l d as I 

s h o u l d . 

155 



B u t t h e c o n c e p t o f h e r o k e p t h a u n t i n g m y p s y c h e . A n d s o , as I i n f o r m e d 

m y s e l f o f m y s e l f t h r o u g h w r i t i n g , p e r f o r m i n g m u s i c , t e a c h i n g , a n d a / r / t o g r a p h i c 

p r o c e s s , I d e c i d e d t h a t p e r h a p s t h e a n s w e r f o r m e l a y i n m e b e c o m i n g m y o w n 

h e r o . 

T h i s n o t i o n Was v e r y h e l p f u l at s h i f t i n g m y c o n t e x t a w a y f r o m z e a l o u s 

a d m i r a t i o n o f t h e l i v e s o f o t h e r s t o a p o s i t i o n o f o r i g i n a l t h i n k i n g . I n d e e d , t h e i d e a 

t h a t I w o u l d b e c o m e m y o w n h e r o w o r k e d l i k e a c o m m e r c i a l s l o g a n - s o m e t h i n g fast 

a n d easy t h a t I c o u l d g l e a n o n t o i n o r d e r t o p r e v e n t t h e n e w w a y s o f t h i n k i n g f r o m 

s l i p p i n g a w a y . A n d t h i s c a t c h - p h r a s e d i d i n d e e d i n i t i a l l y h e l p m e h o l d o n t o t h e 

n e w w a y s o f s e e i n g m y s e l f . 

U p o n d e e p e r r e f l e c t i o n , I t h i n k t h a t t h e w h o l e n o t i o n o f h e r o i s m is so l i n k e d 

w i t h r e c o g n i t i o n t h a t it b e c o m e s i n a p p r o p r i a t e as a c o n c e p t u a l a i d f o r a r t i s t s . A f t e r 

a l l , is t h e n o t i o n o f h e r o i s m n o t r e a l l y p a r t o f t h e s c a f f o l d i n g o f o u r c u l t u r e ? O n e 

c o u l d e n t e r a r g u m e n t s that a h e r o m a y n o t e v e n exist u n t i l t h e s o c i e t y at l a r g e 

r e c o g n i z e s o n e . T h u s , I f i n d t h a t t h e c o n c e p t o f h e r o i s m is m i r e d i n t h e n o t i o n o f 

r e c o g n i t i o n . A n d I h a v e l e a r n e d t h a t t h i s h o o k o f r e c o g n i t i o n is a v e r y d a n g e r o u s 

o n e f o r m e t o e n t e r t a i n . W h e n e m b r a c i n g t h e n o t i o n o f h e r o i s m , I i n t e r n a l l y 

v a l i d a t e t h e n o t i o n o f r e c o g n i t i o n , I f i n d t h a t I t a k e m y s e l f w o r t h a n d h a n d it o v e r 

t o t h e c u l t u r e . T h u s , m y o r i g i n a l t h i n k i n g b e c o m e s s u b v e r t e d w i t h a n a g e n d a , 

h o w e v e r s u b t l e , t h a t I create a n d e x p r e s s m y s e l f , b a s e d o n w h a t m y c u l t u r e 

a p p r o v e s . A n d s o , t h e a v o i d a n c e o f s e e k i n g r e c o g n i t i o n is a n i m p o r t a n t i d e a t o 

m a i n t a i n i f I w i s h t o k e e p o n m y a r t i s t i c p a t h . H o w e v e r , t h i s i d e a o f k e e p i n g t h e 

d e s i r e f o r r e c o g n i t i o n at a d i s t a n c e is v e r y d i f f i c u l t t o i m p l e m e n t b e c a u s e I a m 

b o m b a r d e d w i t h t h e c u l t u r e c o n s t a n t l y a n d t o a great degree I a m a p r o d u c t o f t h i s 

1 5 6 



c u l t u r e . I n e e d t o f u n c t i o n w i t h a Z e n - l i k e d e t a c h m e n t , w h e r e i n I o b s e r v e a n d 

evaluate i n c o m i n g s t i m u l i , b u t k e e p t h e l o c u s o f c o n t r o l w i t h i n m y s e l f . 

I h a v e c l a r i f i e d a n d d e v e l o p e d n e w w a y s o f t h i n k i n g a n d f e e l i n g , I f i n d 

m y s e l f m o v e t o w a r d a b a n d o n i n g t h e h e r o i c n o t i o n . Y e t , I s t r u g g l e w i t h t h i s i d e a as 

w e l l . H e r o i s m , t h o u g h it is h o o k e d w i t h r e c o g n i t i o n , is a l s o c o n n e c t e d w i t h o t h e r 

p o s i t i v e n o t i o n s , s u c h as n o t i o n s o f h o p e a n d a l t r u i s m , a n d t h e n o t i o n o f r e a c h i n g 

past n o r m a l b e h a v i o r s a n d c u l t u r a l p a t t e r n s t o create n e w p a r a d i g m s o f b e h a v i o r . 

C o n s e q u e n t l y , at t h i s j u n c t u r e o f m y t h i n k i n g / w r i t i n g , I a m c o n c e p t u a l i z i n g 

t h a t " e v e r y o n e is a h e r o . " A g a i n , I a m u s i n g a n a r g u a b l y false g e n e r a l i z a t i o n , b u t it 

s e e m s t o feel m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e t h a n t h e n o t i o n t h a t t h e r e are n o h e r o e s . P e r h a p s 

t h i s is i n t e r m e d i a r y step t h a t w i l l e v e n t u a l l y l e a d m e t o t h e n o t i o n t h a t t h e r e are n o 

h e r o e s . B u t f o r n o w , a r t o g r a p h y h a s t r a n s f o r m e d m e i n t o t h e n o t i o n t h a t " e v e r y o n e 

is a h e r o . " T h i s c o n t e x t c e r t a i n l y a l l o w s m e t o t a p i n t o h e r o i c e n e r g y a n d p a s s i o n 

f o r f u t u r e a r t i s t i c e x p r e s s i o n . It a l s o s u p p o r t s m y t e a c h i n g as t h i s c o n c e p t u a l f r a m e 

s h i n e s a p o s i t i v e l i g h t a n d p o t e n t i a l o n a l l h u m a n s . 

I w i l l c a u t i o u s l y c o n t i n u e m y m e d i t a t i o n o n t h e r o l e o f h e r o w h i c h i s a r o l e 

f r a u g h t w i t h p i t f a l l s a n d e q u a l l y a b u n d a n t w i t h e n o r m o u s t r a n s f o r m a t i v e p o w e r s . 

C a m p b e l l ( 1 9 8 8 ) states, " T h e i m a g e s o f m y t h are r e f l e c t i o n s o f t h e s p i r i t u a l 

p o t e n t i a l i t i e s o f every o n e o f u s . T h r o u g h c o n t e m p l a t i n g t h e s e , w e e v o k e t h e i r 

p o w e r s i n o u r o w n l i v e s " (p. 2 0 7 ) . 

T o r e - c l a i m m y v o i c e a l s o m e a n s t h a t I n e e d t o v a l i d a t e m y o w n p r o c e s s a n d 

r i t u a l s . T h i s f o r m e is l e s s o f a p r o b l e m t h a n r e a l l y a c c e p t i n g w h a t I f i n d w i t h i n 

m y s e l f . C e r t a i n l y t h r o u g h m y c o u r s e w o r k o n n a r r a t i v e i n q u i r y , I h a v e o n c e a g a i n 

w a l k e d t h e p a t h o f a r a t i o n a l k n o w l e d g e . A / r / t o g r a p h i c m e t h o d o l o g y h a s s h o w n m e 

157 



t h a t i n t u i t i o n a n d i n s p i r a t i o n , f o l l o w e d b y r e v i e w t h r o u g h l o g i c a n d r e f l e c t i o n , is 

t r u l y m y m o d u s o p e r a n d i . W h a t I n e e d t o d o is a t t e n d t o t h e m u s e m o r e o f t e n a n d 

a v o i d c o g n i t i v e t r a p s t h a t sabotage m y u n f o l d i n g 

The Snake of Regret Keeps Attacking 

R e - c l a i m i n g m y o r i g i n a l v o i c e h a s i n v o l v e d m u c h p e r s o n a l a n d p r o f e s s i o n a l 

g r o w t h . It is m y i n t e n t t o c o n t i n u e t o u s e a / r / t o g r a p h i c f o r m s t o r e c l a i m m y v o i c e 

i n o r d e r t o a v o i d t h e p i t f a l l s o f e x p e r i e n c i n g regret. A s a n a / r / t o g r a p h e r , I h a v e 

l e a r n e d t h a t m y o w n a u t h e n t i c v o i c e c a n h i g h l i g h t a n d i n f o r m m y f u t u r e . 

It s e e m s so easy t o w r i t e a d e c l a r a t i o n o f i n t e n t i o n l i k e t h e l a s t p a r a g r a p h , 

b u t it is h a r d e r t o e n a c t . W h e n I a m h a v i n g a b a d d a y , it i s v e r y easy, e v e n after a l l 

t h i s w o r k , t o f a l l i n t o a n o f t - r e p e a t e d cycle o f regret t h a t h a s b e e n w i t h m e s i n c e I 

t u r n e d 5 0 . 1 f e e l , h o w e v e r , t h a t I h a v e m o v e d f a r e n o u g h f o r w a r d t h r o u g h t h i s 

p r o c e s s t o s t y m i e f u t u r e cycles. 

Reflections on the Effect of the A/r/tographic Experience on my 
Classroom Teaching 

W h e n e v e r a p e r s o n a d d s a n e x p e r i e n c e o f l e a r n i n g t h a t e n c o m p a s s e s t h e 

m a g n i t u d e o f a m a s t e r ' s degree, t h e r e m u s t s u r e l y b e r a m i f i c a t i o n s t h r o u g h o u t m a n y 

l e v e l s o f t h e i r l i v e s . C h a n g e s a n d g r o w t h b e c o m e f u r t h e r e n h a n c e d w h e n t h e p u r p o s e o f 

t h e r e s e a r c h t a k e s o n a n i n t r o s p e c t i v e a n d a u t o b i o g r a p h i c e l e m e n t . P e r s o n a l l y , I h a v e 

a l w a y s felt t h a t I h a v e m o v e d f o r w a r d f o l l o w i n g a n a c a d e m i c e x p e r i e n c e . B u t t h i s 

a c a d e m i c e x p e r i e n c e feels l i k e t h e biggest step yet i n m y o w n p e r s o n a l d e v e l o p m e n t . I 

sense t h a t m y t h i n k i n g is m o r e l u c i d a n d f u n c t i o n s at d e e p e r l e v e l s o f s o p h i s t i c a t i o n . 

158 



F r o m m y c o u r s e s , I h a v e g a i n e d m o r e c l a r i t y o n t h e c o m p l e x i t y o f l i f e a n d h o w p e o p l e d o 

see t h i n g s d i f f e r e n t l y . T h i s is f o r c i n g m e t o b e m o r e a c c e p t i n g o f o t h e r s as w e l l as m y s e l f . 

T h e r a m i f i c a t i o n s o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e h a v e affected m y d a i l y c l a s s r o o m a s s i g n m e n t . 

T h e r e is a n o v e r a l l f e e l i n g o f i n v i g o r a t i o n t h a t I b r i n g t o t h e c l a s s r o o m . M y d e e p e n i n g 

e m p a t h y w i t h t h e v a r i a n c e o f h u m a n c o n d i t i o n i n c r e a s e s m y a b i l i t y t o k e e p c a l m a n d 

w o r k t h r o u g h i s s u e s w i t h s t u d e n t s . A s I b e c o m e m o r e c o n n e c t e d a n d c l e a r t h r o u g h t h e 

a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s , I b r i n g m o r e p a s s i o n a b o u t m u s i c a n d a r t t o m y j o b . A n d I h a v e 

a l w a y s f o u n d t h a t p a s s i o n , t o s o m e extent, r u b s off o n s t u d e n t s . I n d e e d , s t u d e n t s o f t e n 

w i l l o p e n u p a n d w i d e n t h e i r o w n e x p e r i e n c e , i f a n i n s t r u c t o r is m o t i v a t e d a b o u t t h e 

subject m a t t e r . I n d e e d , I sense t h a t c l a s s r o o m e n v i r o n m e n t a n d s t u d e n t i n t e r e s t a n d 

a c h i e v e m e n t c a n b e s o m e w h a t v i e w e d as a m i r r o r o f t h e p a s s i o n , s u b j e c t s k i l l s , 

i n t e r p e r s o n a l s k i l l s , a n d t h e o v e r a l l e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e t e a c h e r . U l t i m a t e l y , as I l e a r n a n d 

g r o w , m y success as a t e a c h e r w i l l m o v e t o d e e p e r l e v e l s o f g r o w t h . 

I n l i g h t o f m y g r o w t h as a / r / t o g r a p h e r , I p l a n t o create a n e w s c h o o l c o u r s e t h a t w i l l 

i n s p i r e s o n g w r i t e r s , c o m p o s e r s , a n d i m p r o v i s e r s . T h e p u r p o s e o f t h i s c o u r s e w i l l b e t o 

e n c o u r a g e a n d d o c u m e n t s t u d e n t c r e a t i v i t y . T h e w o r k i n g c o u r s e t i t l e w i l l b e " s o n g - w r i t i n g 

a n d t e c h n o l o g y . " U s i n g C a r l L e g g o ' s N a r r a t i v e I n q u i r y class as a m o d e l , I w i s h t o create a 

safe a n d i n s p i r i n g e n v i r o n m e n t f o r s t u d e n t s t o w r i t e / c o m p o s e a n d s h a r e t h e i r c r e a t i o n s 

w i t h t h e o t h e r s i n c l a s s . A s w e l l , t h e s t u d e n t s w o u l d l e a r n a b o u t t h e r e c o r d i n g p r o c e s s a n d 

d e v e l o p t h e r e q u i s i t e s k i l l s t o m a k e t h e i r o w n r e c o r d i n g s . C l a s s r o o m t o p i c s m a y i n c l u d e 

d i s c o u r s e o n t h e a r t i s t i c p r o c e s s , t h e n a t u r e a n d f u n c t i o n o f p o e t r y , as w e l l as t a l k s o n 

c o m p o s i t i o n a n d m o r e t e c h n i c a l l e c t u r e o n t h e o p e r a t i o n o f t h e r e c o r d i n g e q u i p m e n t . 

W h e n w e r e a c h a degree o f safety a n d c o m f o r t , w e w i l l s h a r e a n d c e l e b r a t e o u r i n d i v i d u a l 

a r t i s t i c c r e a t i o n s . I e n v i s i o n a C D / D V D o f s t u d e n t s u b m i s s i o n s at t h e e n d o f t h e y e a r t o 

159 



celebrate t h e i r l e a r n i n g . I n a s e n s e , I see t h i s c o u r s e as a n e x t e n s i o n o f m y r e s e a r c h as 

s t u d e n t s b e c o m e e n g a g e d i n t h e a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s . 

Where to Now? 

I a m r e v e l i n g i n a n t i c i p a t i o n o f f i n i s h i n g t h i s p h a s e o f r e f l e c t i o n so t h a t I 

m a y r e t u r n w i t h r e n e w e d v i t a l i t y t o n e w m u s i c a l , p o e t i c , a n d a / r / t o g r a p h i c 

o u t p o u r i n g s . A s t o m y o n - g o i n g d e v e l o p m e n t as a j a z z g u i t a r i s t , I a m f l u s h w i t h 

o r i g i n a l i d e a s t o t h e p o i n t that I b a c k l o g g e d i n m y a b s o r b i n g these m o t i f s i n t o m y 

i n v e n t o r y o f i m p r o v i s a t i o n a l m o t i f s . I a m w i s h i n g t o c o m p o s e a C D o f o r i g i n a l j a z z 

i n s p i r e d m u s i c . It w i l l b e t h e f i r s t s a m p l e r o f m y w o r k i n m a n y y e a r s . 

I h o p e t o c o n t i n u e w r i t i n g p o e t r y as t h i s is o n e o f t h e greatest p e r s o n a l 

b e n e f i t s t h a t I d e r i v e d f r o m t h e M a s t e r ' s e x p e r i e n c e . I n e v e r w r o t e p o e t r y p r i o r t o 

m y r e t u r n t o s c h o o l . N o w , I a m t a k e n b y a b r a n d n e w art f o r m t h a t i s r i c h i n 

p o t e n t i a l f o r l e a r n i n g . 

I m u s t c o n t i n u e t o b e v i g i l a n t o f m y p s y c h o l o g i c a l c y c l e s i f I w i s h t o k e e p 

t h i s a r t i s t i c t h r u s t g o i n g . F a l l i n g i n t o a v o r t e x o f regret creates i n e r t i a . I m u s t 

c a r e f u l l y m o n i t o r m y t h i n k i n g p a t t e r n s a n d c o m p i l e a m o r e c o m p r e h e n s i v e l i s t o f 

p s y c h o - t r i g g e r s a n d c o g n i t i v e e r r o r s t h a t p r o m o t e m y d e s c e n t i n t o i n a c t i v i t y o r 

u n o r i g i n a l i t y . 

F i n a l l y , I m u s t c o n t i n u e t o deflate a n d r e s o l v e m y i s s u e s w i t h m y D a d , w h o 

p a s s e d a w a y i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h i s project. W h e n I f i n d m y s e l f m i r e d i n f r u s t r a t i o n 

a b o u t o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p , I m u s t r e m i n d m y s e l f o f w h a t I k n o w t o b e t r u e : t h a t m y 

D a d l o v e d m e a n d w a s v e r y p r o u d o f a l l m y a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s . P e r h a p s , w r i t i n g 

s o m e m u s i c , p o e t r y , a n d n a r r a t i v e m i g h t h e l p r e s o l v e t h i s t e n s i o n . 

160 



I a m s t a r t i n g a n e w . Ideas s u r f a c e t h a t are t o t a l l y o r i g i n a l as I h a v e 

r e c l a i m e d m y o w n v o i c e . I m u s t c o n t i n u e t o l e a r n a b o u t m y s e l f a n d s t r i v e t o engage 

i n t h e a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s i n o r d e r e m b r a c e m y o w n u n i q u e n e s s as a h u m a n f o r 

it is c l e a r t h a t a / r / t o g r a p h y e n a b l e s m e t o g a i n d e e p e r u n d e r s t a n d i n g s a b o u t 

i s s u e s t h a t h a v e s h a p e d m y v i e w o f t h e w o r l d . I n d e e d , f r o m m y r e s e a r c h , I h a v e 

g a i n e d i n v a l u a b l e i n s i g h t s a b o u t t h e r e a l m e . F r o m a l l m y m u s i c , p o e t i c a n d 

n a r r a t i v e r e n d e r i n g s i n a / r / t o g r a p h i c f o r m s , I h a v e d i s c o v e r e d a d e e p e r 

m u l t i l a y e r e d i n d i v i d u a l i n s i d e w h o b e c a m e r e e n e r g i z e d a n d r e v i t a l i z e d a b o u t 

f i n d i n g a n d r e l e a s i n g a n a u t h e n t i c i n n e r v o i c e . I r e s o l v e d i s s u e s a n d f o u n d n e w 

q u e s t i o n s a b o u t m y s e l f . I e x p l o r e d i n t u i t i o n , a n d b r o k e b o u n d a r i e s . I h a v e 

s c u l p t e d a n d e m b r a c e d s t o r i e s b e h i n d t h e s t o r i e s a b o u t m y s e l f . H e r o e s s u r f a c e 

w h i l e regrets b r i n g n e w n a r r a t i v e s . W h o a m I? I a m a r t i s t , t e a c h e r , g u i t a r p l a y e r , 

a n d a / r / t o g r a p h e r . T h u s , t h r o u g h a / r / t o g r a p h i c p r o c e s s , I a m t r u l y s t a r t i n g a n e w . 

161 



References 

B a i , H . (2001). B e y o n d t h e e d u c a t e d m i n d : T o w a r d s a p e d a g o g y o f 

m i n d f u l n e s s . I n B . H o c k i n g , J . H a s k e l l & W . L i n d s ( E d s . ) , Unfolding bodymind: 

Exploring possibility through education ( p p . 86-99). B u r l i n g t o n , V T : F o u n d a t i o n 

f o r E d u c a t i o n a l R e n e w a l . 

B i c k e l , B. (2004). From Artist toA/r/tpgrapher: An Autoethnographic 

Ritual Inquiry into Writing on the Body. M a s t e r ' s T h e s i s , U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h 

C o l u m b i a . 

h t t p : / / m e m b e r s . s h a w . c a / r a d i c a l t r u s t i / i n d e x . h t m l 

B i c k e l , B. (2005). Embracing the Arational Through Art, Ritual and the 

Body. P a p e r P r e s e n t e d at t h e 3 r d I n t e r n a t i o n a l C o n f e r e n c e o n I m a g i n a t i o n a n d 

E d u c a t i o n , S i m o n F r a s e r U n i v e r s i t y , B C , J u l y 13-16, 2005. 

C a m p b e l l , J . (1988). The Power of Myth. W . M o y e r s a n d S . F l o w e r s ( E d s . ) . 

N e w Y o r k : D o u b l e d a y . 

C a r r , E . (1966). Hundreds and thousands: The journals of Emily Carr. 

T o r o n t o , O N : C l a r k e , I r w i n & C o . 

C o l e , A . L . , N e i l s e n , L., K n o w l e s , J . G . L U c i a n i , T . C . (2004). Provoked by art: 

Theorizing arts-informed research. H a l i f a x , N o v a S c o t i a : B a c k a l o n g B o o k s 

D e C o s s o n , (2003). (Re) searching sculpted A/r/tography: (Re) learning 

subverted-knowing through aparetic praxis. P h . D . T h e s i s , U n i v e r s i t y o f B r i t i s h 

C o l u m b i a , h t t p : / / m i . c u s t . e d u c . u b c . c a : 1 6 0 8 0 / A r t o g r a p h y / d a t a / p h d / d e C o s s o n . p d f 

D y l a n , B o b . (2004). Chronicles. N e w Y o r k , N Y : S i m o n & S c h u s t e r 

E l b o w , P. (1981,1998). Writing with Power. N e w Y o r k : O x f o r d U n i v e r s i t y 

P r e s s . 

162 

http://members.shaw.ca/radicaltrusti/index.html
http://mi.cust.educ.ubc.ca


E l l i s , C . (1999). H e a r t f u l A u t o e t h n o g r a p h y . Qualitative Health Research, 9 

(5), 670-683. 

G a i t a n , A . (2000). E x p l o r i n g A l t e r n a t i v e F o r m s o f W r i t i n g E t h n o g r a p h y . 

Forum: Qualitative Social Research. 1 (3) R e t r i e v e d F e b r u a r y 18, 2006, f r o m 

h t t p : / / w w w . q u a l i t a t i v e - r e s e a r c h . n e t / f q s - t e x t e / 3 - o o / 3 - o o r e v i e w - g a i t a n - e . h t m 

G o u z o u a s i s , P. ( i n p r e s s , 2007). T o c c a t a o n a s s e s s m e n t , v a l i d i t y , a n d 

i n t e r p r e t a t i o n . B e i n g witha/r/t/ography. E d s . I r w i n , R., L e g g o , C , S p r i n g g a y , S . , 

& G o u z o u a s i s , P . R o t t e r d a m : S e n s e P u b l i s h e r s . 22 page m s . 

G o u z o u a s i s , P . (2006). A / r / t / o g r a p h y i n m u s i c r e s e a r c h : A r e u n i f i c a t i o n o f 

m u s i c i a n , r e s e a r c h e r , a n d t e a c h e r . Arts and Learning Journal,'22.(1), 23-42. 

G o u z o u a s i s , P. & L e e , K. V . (2002). D o y o u h e a r w h a t I h e a r ? M u s i c i a n s 

c o m p o s i n g t h e t r u t h . Teacher Education Quarterly. 29 (4), 125-141. 

H u g h e s , E . ( P r o d u c e r / W r i t e r ) . (1999). The Genius of Lenny Breau. [ M o t i o n 

P i c t u r e ] . T h e S l e e p i n g G i a n t P r o d u c t i o n s L t d . a n d B u f f a l o G a l s P i c t u r e s , L t d . 

I r w i n , R . L . , de C o s s o n , A . ( E d s . ) (2004). A/r/tography: Rendering self 

through arts-based living inquiry. V a n c o u v e r , B C : P a c i f i c E d u c a t i o n a l P r e s s . 

I r w i n , R. L. (2005). A/r/tography, [ R e n d e r i n g s s e c t i o n ] . R e t r i e v e d J u l y 12, 

2006, f r o m h t t p : / / m i . c u s t . e d u c . u b c . c a : i 6 o 8 o / A r t o ' g r a p h y / # 

L e e , K. (2004). Riffs of change: musicians becoming music educators. 

O t t a w a , O N : N a t i o n a l L i b r a r y o f C a n a d a . P h . D . T h e s i s 

L e g g o , C . (1994). Growing Up Perpendicular on the Side of a Hill. St. 

J o h n ' s , N e w f o u n d l a n d : K i l l i c k P r e s s . 

163 

http://www.qualitative-research.net/fqs-texte/3-oo/3-ooreview-gaitan-e.htm
http://mi.cust.educ.ubc.ca:i6o8o/Arto'graphy/%23


Leggo, C. ( 1 9 9 9 ) . View from My Mother's House. St. John's, 

Newfoundland: 

K i l l i c k Press. 

Leggo, C. ( 2 0 0 6 ) . Come-By-Chance. St. John's, Newfoundland: Breakwater 

Books L t d . 

L i m i n a l i t y . (n.d.) Wikipedia.org. ( 2 0 0 5 ) . Retrieved J u l y 15 2 0 0 7 from 

http://encycIopedia.thefreedictionaiy.com/Liminalit\ ? 

Neilsen, L . , Cole, A . , & Knowles, J . G . (Eds.) ( 2 0 0 1 ) . The art of writing 

inquiry. Halifax, Nova Scotia: Backalong Books. 

Pinar, W . , & Grumet, M . ( 1 9 7 6 ) . Toward a poor curriculum. Dubuque, IA: 

K e n d a l l / H u n t . 

Pryer, A . C. ( 2 0 0 2 ) . Mediations on/in Non/Dualistic Pedagogy. P h . D . 

Dissertation, University of B r i t i s h Columbia. Retrieved October 2 1 , 2 0 0 6 , from 

http://mi.cust.educ.ubc.ca: 1 6 0 8 0 / A r t o g r a p h y / p h d . p h p 

Seuss, D r . ( 1 9 5 7 ) . The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss (pseud.). Boston: 

Houghton M i f f l i n . 

Sparkes, A . C. ( 2 0 0 2 ) . Telling tales in sport and physical activity: A 

qualitative journey. Champaign, II: H u m a n Kinetics. 

Springgay, S., Irwin, R . L . , W i l s o n K i n d , S. ( 2 0 0 5 ) . A / r / t o g r a p h y as L i v i n g 

Inquiry through A r t and Text. Qualitative Inquiry, 11(6), 8 9 7 - 9 1 2 . 

Synott, A . ( 1 9 9 3 ) . The body social: Symbolism, self and society. L o n d o n : 

Routledge. 

164 

http://Wikipedia.org
http://encycIopedia.thefreedictionaiy.com/Liminalit/
http://mi.cust.educ.ubc.ca


Wissolik, R.D., McGrath, S., & Colaianne, A . J . ( 1 9 9 4 ) . Bob Dylan's words: a 

critical dictionary and commentary. Greensburg, PA: Eadmer Press. 

Womack, K. & Davis, T.F. (Eds.). (2006). Reading the Beatles: Cultural studies, 

literary criticism, and the Fab Four. Albany, NY: State University of New York 

Press. 

165