THE NEW YORK
PUBLIC LIBRARY
ASTOR, LENOX
TILPEN FOUNDATION*



The Near Astronomer.


THS N'T'/ vor*
PUBLIC LIBRARY
A8T0R. LENOX
TU-OfcN FOUNOATlONa






Billy Bounce,
BY
W . W . DENSLOW
AND
DUDLEY A.BRAGDON
PICTURES BY
DENSLOW
V

G.W.Dill1ngham Co
Publishers NewYork


THE NEW YORK
PUBLIC LIBRARY
741583
ASTOR, LENOX AND
TILDEN FOUNDA I IONS
R 1916 L

Copyright 1906 by W.W. Denslow
All rigMs reserved.
Issued September, 1906.


"Pete' and "Poi\sieM



Barker.
CHAPTER PAGB
I. DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE, THE
POLISHED VILLAIN
9
II.
A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
22
III.
BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO .
34
IV.
ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION
47
V.
PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
63
VI.
BLIND MAN'S BUFF ....
77
VII.
THE WISHING BOTTLE
88
VIII.
GAMMON AND SPINACH .
97
IX.
IN SILLY LAND
110
X.
SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL .
124
XI.
IN DERBY TOWN
138
XII.
O'FUDGE
XIII.
BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS .
167


List of Chapters 5
CHAPTER PAGE
XIV. KING CALCIUM AND STERRY
181
XV.
BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
195
XVI.
IN SPOOKVILLE .
210
XVII.
IN THE VOLCANO OF VOCIFEROUS .
221
XVIII.
THE ELUSIVE BRIDGE
236
XIX.
IN THE DARK, NEVER WAS
247
XX.
THE WINDOW OF FEAR .
257
XXI.
IN THE QUEEN BEE PALACE .
267

Co/. SoUmncholly.


Full Page
Illustrations
"Why it is, a large fried egg,"
said Billy, excitedly.—
Page 47. . Frontispiece.
PAGE
"I can't tell you where Bogie Man lives, it's against
the rules." . . . . . . .14
"Now" said Mr. Gas, "be careful not to sit on the
ceiling." . . . . . . .17
"Come, now, don't give me any of your tomato sauce." . 39
Billy never wanted for plenty to eat. .... 64
"He-he-ho-ho, oh! what a joke," cried the Scally Wags. 82
"That's my black cat-o-nine tails" said the old woman. 90
The Night Mare and the Dream Food Sprites. . . 101
"Get off, you re sinking us," cried Billy. . . .734
He saw flying to meet him several shaggy bears. . . 141
"Tdiking about me, were you?" said Boreas, arriving
in a swirl of snow. . . . . . 172


Full Page Illustrations 7
PAGE
"Me feyther" cried she, in a tragic voice, "the light,
the light." 187
"Come up to the house and spend an unpleasant evening." 117
Billy shot a blast of hot air from his pump full in Bum-
bus's face. ....... 263
"Allow me to present Bogie Man." .... 271
■^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |^
Bitty and the Ace of Spades.


f
Preface

3

OUR PURPOSE.—Fun for
the "children between the ages
of one and one hundred."
AND INCIDENTALLY—
the elimination of deceit and
Drone.
gore in the telling: two elements that enter, we
think, too vitally into the construction of most
fairy tales.
AS TO THE MORAL.—That is not obtrusive.
But if we can suggest to the children that fear alone
can harm them through life's journey; and to silly
nurses and thoughtless parents that the serious use of
ghost stories, Bogie Men and Bugbears of all kinds
for the sheer purpose of frightening or making a
child mind is positively wicked; we will admit that
the tale has a moral.


CHAPTER I.
DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE, THE
POLISHED VILLAIN.
NICKEL PLATE, the polished Villain, sat in
his office in the North South corner of the first
straight turning to the left of the Castle in
Plotville.
"Gadzooks," exclaimed he with a heavy frown,
"likewise Pish Tush! Methinks I grow rusty—it is
indeed a sad world when a real villain is reduced
to chewing his moustache and biting his lips
instead of feasting on the fat of the land."
So saying he rose from his chair, smote himself
heavily on the chest, carefully twirled his long
black moustache and paced dejectedly up and
down and across the room.
"I wonder," he began, when ting-a-ling-a-ling
the telephone rang.
"Hello," said he. "Yes, this is Nickel Plate—


10
BILLY BOUNCE
Oh! good morning, Mr. Bogie Man—Sh-h-h—
Don't speak so loudly. Some one may see you.
—No—Bumbus has not returned with Honey
Girl—I'm sorry, sir, but I expect him every
minute. I'll let you know as soon as I can.
Ohl yes, he is to substitute Glucose for Honey
Girl and return here for further villainous orders.
Ohl a—excuse me, but can you help me with a
little loan of—hello—hello—pshaw he's rung off.
Central—ting-a-ling-a-ling—Central, won't you
give me Bogie Man again, please—what! he's
left orders not to connect us again—well I—
good-bye."
"Now then what am I to do? I have just
one nickel to my name and I can't spend that.
If Bumbus has failed I don't know what we
shall do. A fine state of affairs for a man with
an ossified conscience and a good digestion—
ha-a-a, what is that?"
"Buzz-z-z," came a sound through the open
window.
"Is that Bumbus?" called Nickel Plate in a
loud whisper.
"I be," answered Bumbus, climbing over the
sill and darting to a chair.


DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE
ii
"Why didn't you come in by the door?—you
know how paneful a window is to me."
"When is a cow?" said Bumbus, perching
himself on the back of his chair and fanning
himself with his foot.
"Sometimes, I think—" began Nickel Plate,
angrily.
M Wrong answer; besides it's not strictly true,"
said Bumbus, turning his large eyes here and
there as he viewed his master.
"A truce to foolishness," said Nickel Plate,
"what news—but wait—" and taking two wads
of cotton out of his pocket he stuffed them in
two cracks in the wall—"walls have ears—we
will stop them up—proceed."
"Honey Girl has disappeared," whispered
Bumbus.
"Gone! and her golden comb?"
"She has taken it with her."
"Gone," growled Nickel Plate—"but wait, I
am not angry enough for a real villain"; light-
ing a match he quickly swallowed it. "Ha, ha!
now I am indeed a fire eater. Gadzooks, var-
let! and how did she escape us?"
Bumbus hung his head. "Alas, sir, with much


12
BILLY BOUNCE
care did I carry Glucose to the Palace of the
Queen Bee to substitute her for Honey Girl—
dressed to look exactly like her, even to a gold-
plated comb. I had bribed Drone, the sentry,
to admit us in the dead of night. Creeping
softly through the corridors of the Castle, with
Glucose in my arms, I came to the door of
Honey Girl. I opened the door and crept quietly
into the room; all was still. I reached the dainty
couch and found—"
"Yes," said Nickel Plate excitedly.
"I found it empty; Honey Girl had fled."
"Sweet Honey Girl! alas, have we lost you?
also which is more important, the reward for the
abduction—but revenge, revenge!" hissed Nickel
Plate.
"What did you do with Glucose?"
"Glucose has gone back to her work in the
factory," said Bumbus, "but will come back to us
whenever we wish."
"Enough," said Nickel Plate, "Bogie Man
must know of this at once. I will telephone
him—but no, he has stopped the connection.
Will you take the message?"
"Sir, you forget."


DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE
13
"Too true, I need you here: a messenger."
So saying Nickel Plate rang the messenger call
and sat down to write the note of explanation to
Bogie Man.
"Rat-a-tat-tat" came a knock on the door.
"Come in," said Nickel Plate in a deep bass
voice, the one he kept for strangers.
The door popped open and in ran—yes, he
really ran—a messenger boy. And such a
messenger boy, such bright, quick eyes, such a
clean face and hands, not even a high water line
on his neck and wrists, such twinkling feet and
such a well brushed uniform! Why you would
hardly believe he was a messenger boy if you
saw him, he was such an active little fellow.
"Did you ring, sir?" said Billy Bounce.
"Sh-h-h, not so loud," whispered Nickel Plate
mysteriously—the whisper he kept for strangers.
"Yes, I rang."
"Very well, sir, I am here."
"Ah-h," hummed Bumbus. "Are you here,
are you there, do you really truly know it?
Have a care, have a care."
"Excuse me, sir," said Billy bewildered, "I
don't think I understand you."


BILLY BOUNCE
"Neither do I," said Bumbus. "Nobody does.
I'm a mystery."
"Mr. who?" said Billy.
"Mr. Bumbus of course."
"Oh! I thought you said Mr. E."
"Don't be silly, boy," interrupted Nickel Plate.
"Bumbus, be quiet."
"I be," said Bumbus.
"Can you read?" whispered Nickel Plate.
"Yes, sir."
"That's good. Then perhaps you know where
Bogie Man lives."
"No, sir, but if you'll tell me I can find his
house," said Billy, hoping it wasn't the real
Bogie Man he meant.
"That would be telling," said Nickel Plate.
"But, sir, I don't know where to find
him."
"Did you ever see such a lazy boy?" hummed
Bumbus. "Lazy bones, lazy bones, climb up
a tree and shake down some doughnuts and
peanuts to me."
"But really," said Nickel Plate frowning,
"really you know / can't tell you where Bogie
Man lives; it's against the rules."



"I can't tell you wbere Bogie Man lives, it's against the rules."—Page 14.


THE NEW YORK \
PUBLICLIBRAR';
ASTOR. LENOX
TILP N FOUNDA-iins


DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE
"Then, sir," said Billy, his head in a whirl,
"I don't see how I can deliver your mes-
sage."
"That's your lookout. You're a messenger
boy, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir."
"And your duty is to carry messages wher-
ever they are sent?"
"Yes, sir, but—"
"There, I can't argue with you any more.
You will have to take the message—good
day," said Nickel Plate handing Billy the
note.
"But, sir—"
Bumbus jumped off his chair and slowly
revolved around Billy, humming—
"Little boy, Billy boy, do as you're told.
Refusal is rudeness: I surely shall scold.
Here's your hat, there's the door,
Run while you may,
I have the great pleasure to
Wish you good-day."
As he sang this, Bumbus circled closer and
closer to Billy until finally he touched him,


16
BILLY BOUNCE
digging him in the ribs and giving him gentle
pushes toward the door. Suddenly Billy found
himself outside of the room with the door
slammed in his face.
"Well," said Billy staring at the note in his
hand, "I'm glad I'm out of that room anyway."
Then looking up at the door he read painted
in bold, black letters on the glass "Nickel
Plate, Polished Villain. Short and long orders
in all kinds of villainy promptly executed.
Abductions a specialty." And lower down in
smaller letters, "I. B. Bumbus, Assistant Villain,
office hours between 3 o'clock."
"What am I to do with this note? It is
addressed to Bogie Man, In-The-Dark, Never
Was. If I don't deliver the message I'll be
discharged, and if I do deliver it—but how can
I—oh pshaw! I know, I'm asleep—ouch!" for
he had given himself a sharp nip in the calf of
his leg to wake himself.
But there was the note still in his hand, and
there in front of him stood the building he had
just left.
"I'm awake, that's certain, and — I beg your
pardon, sir—" for he had bumped into a little



"Now," saiii Mr. Gas, "be careful not to sit on the ceiling."—Page 17.


:
MEW Y.
IPb^IC LIBRARY
ASTOR. LENOX
TILDtN FOUN0ATION8


DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE
17
old gentleman who was hurrying in the oppo-
site direction.
"It's Mr. Gas, the balloon maker," cried Billy,
joyfully; "perhaps you can help me; it's a good
thing I ran into you."
"Humph!" said Mr. Gas, with his hands on
his stomach, "it's not a very good thing for me
that you ran into me, but I'm glad to see you."
"I am sorry, Mr. Gas, but I'm really in very
serious trouble," said Billy, with a sigh.
Mr. Gas smiled. "I might have known you
didn't know the way to Bogie Man's house."
"Why," said Billy, in surprise, "how did you
know—"
"Gift horses can't be choosers, which means,
don't ask any questions," said Mr. Gas, pinching
Billy's ear; "but come along to my house, and
I'll help you."
"Now," said Mr. Gas, when they had entered
the shop where he made all the toy balloons for
all the little boys and girls in all the world, "be
careful not to sit on the ceiling, because if you
do you'll burst some of my balloons."
Billy laughed. "Sit on the ceiling; why, how
could I?"


18 BILLY BOUNCE
"Wait and see," said Mr. Gas; "nothing is
impossible to your Fairy Godfather."
"Are you my Fairy Godfather?" asked Billy,
opening his eyes very, very wide.
"On Sundays and week days I am; the rest
of the time I'm not."
"But what other days are there?" said
Billy.
"Strong days of course. I thought you knew
Geography," said Mr. Gas huffily.
"Yes, sir, I suppose so," said Billy afraid
to ask any more questions.
"Now then, put on this suit," said the
balloon maker, producing what looked like a
big rubber bag.
"Yes, sir, but—"
"Of course it's wrong side out. How can
I get the right side inside unless the wrong
side is outside of the inside of the outside of
the inside of your outside clothes. Anybody
who can count his chickens before they are
hatched ought to know that."
Billy gasped and proceeded to pull the suit
on over his messenger boy's uniform.
"Stand on your head."


DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE
19
Billy knew how to do this. He had practiced
it often enough against fences when he should
have been delivering messages.
Taking one of Billy's trouser legs in each
hand, Mr. Gas gave a quick jerk and Billy
found himself standing on his feet with the
rubber suit inside of his uniform.
"There," said Mr. Gas, "that's done—the
next thing is to blow you up."
"Oh! Mr. Gas, please don't do that," said
Billy, thinking of gunpowder and things.
"With a hot air pump—stand quiet," chug-
chug-ff-chug-ff-squee-e went the pump and there
stood Billy like a great round butter ball. His
uniform fitted as close and snug on the rubber
suit as the skin on an onion. For that was
a peculiar property of the rubber suit; any
clothes, loose, tight or otherwise were bound to
fit over it.
"Thank you sir," said Billy looking down
and trying to see his foot, "but—"
"Here's the hot air pump; put it in your
pocket.—Now—be careful, don't jump or you'll
bump your head. You're ready now to hunt
Bogie Man."


20
BILLY BOUNCE
"How am I to get there?"
"Jump there of course," replied Mr. Gas.
"When you get outside the door all you have
to do is to jump into the air; that will carry
you out of town. Then keep on jumping till
you get there. That's simple, isn't it?"
"But can't you tell me in which direction to
jump?" asked Billy.
"Jump up, of course; if you jump down you'll
dent the sidewalk."
"But shall I jump North or East or South or
West, sir?"
"Exactly; just follow those directions and
you will be sure to arrive; but wait, before
you start I'll give you Barker, my little
dog."
"What kind of a dog is he?" asked Billy.
"A full-blooded, yellow cur. He won the
Booby prize at the last dog show."
"Thank you, sir; but won't you keep him for
me until I get back?"
"Don't jump to conclusions, Billy, it strains
the suit; Barker will help you when you want
shade or shelter by night or day."
"Isn't he rather a small dog for me to get


DARK PLOT OF NICKEL PLATE
under?" asked Billy, looking at the tiny animal
Mr. Gas held out to him.
Mr. Gas stamped his foot. "More questions
—listen: when night or rain comes on, drop to
the ground, dig a little hole, hold Barker's nose
over it and pinch his tail to make him bark.
Shovel in the dirt, and of course you will have
planted his bark. Well, you know what is
planted must grow, so up will come the bark
and the boughs, and you can shelter yourself
all night beneath the singing tree."
Billy took the dog and started out of the door.
"Thank you; is that all, sir?"
"Of course not," said Mr. Gas.
"Yes, sir."
"Good-bye."
"Good-bye?" asked Billy, in surprise, "I
thought you said—"
"Yes, that's it; we had to say good-bye be-
fore it could be all."
"Oh! good-bye," said Billy, and going outside
took a great big jump up into the air.


CHAPTER II.
A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE.
UP, up, up, went Billy when he took his
leap into the air.
Way above the house tops, past the city,
over green fields, hills and valleys, crossing
brooks and rivers that looked like little threads
of silver so far below were they, until he thought
he never would alight.
Finally things began to get larger and larger
and larger on the earth, and he knew he was
floating gently down, down, down. It was just
like going down from the twenty-first story
in a very slow, very comfortable elevator.
Plump, and Billy was on the ground. Before
him stood a city. This seemed strange, for he
knew he hadn't seen it until his feet touched
Mother Earth.


A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
23
"Excuse me, sir," said Billy, to a tall, thin,
rusty coated man who was looking intently at
the heavens through a long hollow tube open
at both ends.
"Oh! you're here, are you?" said the man,
lowering the tube and looking at Billy. "I've
been waiting for you to come down."
"Yes, sir," said Billy; "excuse me, but what
city is this?"
"Shamville. So you are a meteor."
"No, sir, I'm a messenger," said Billy.
"Pardon me, but you are a meteor, by right
of discovery, and I ought to know, for I'm a
near Astronomer."
"A near what?"
"Not a near what, but a near Astronomer;
with my near telescope I have nearly discovered
hundreds of nearly new stars," said the man,
looking very, very wise.
"Oh! I see," said Billy, smiling. "Well sir,
you may be a near astronomer, but in this case
you are not near right."
"Well, you're a near meteor and that will do
well enough in Shamville."
By this time they had entered the city.


BILLY BOUNCE
"Who is that long haired, greasy gentleman
writing on his cuff?" asked Billy.
"You must meet him. He is our village
near poet," answered the star-gazer, impressively.
"Allow me, Mr. Never Print, to introduce my
latest discovery, Billy Bounce, a near meteor."
Mr. Never Print stopped writing, and after
rolling his eyes and carefully disarranging his
hair, said: "How beautiful a thing is a fried
oyster! Have you read my latest near book?"
"No, sir," said Billy.
"Ah! such is near fame," said the poet, unty-
ing his cravat. "Art is long, but a toothless
dog does not bite."

"The near meaning,
you mean; like all
great near poets, my
meaning is hidden.
Perhaps you will un-
derstand this better:
The little flower, like
a beefsteak, reminds
"Sir," said Billy, "I
didn't quite catch
your meaning?"
The Near Poet.


A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
us that a gentle answer comes home to roost."
Billy was so bewildered by this that he leaned
against a wall, or rather, he leaned on what
looked like a wall. As the near astronomer
helped him to his feet he said:
"Be careful of the near walls. They're just
painted canvas, you know, and are not meant
to lean against."
"Thank you," said Billy; "is there anything
here that is not an imitation?"
"Oh, no!" answered the astronomer, "this is
Shamville; but I assure you we're all just as
good as the original."
"Well, I must be off" said Billy, "I must
deliver this note to Bogie Man."
"To whom?"
"To Bogie Man. Can you tell me how to
get there?"
"Oh, my goodness! Oh, my gracious! What
have I done, what have I done?" cried the
astronomer, beating himself over the head with
his near telescope.
"I don't know sir, I'm sure," said Billy;
"from what I've seen I shouldn't think you had
ever done anything."


26
BILLY BOUNCE
"Hear him! hear him!" screamed the
astronomer, then calling to the people on the
streets: "Come near-artist, come near-actor,
come near everybody, we have in our midst
one who would expose us to the people who
really do things."
With fearful cries the entire population made
one dash for Billy, who, forgetting that all he
had to do was to jump, tried to run. In his
big suit he found this almost impossible and
soon he was surrounded by an excited mob.
"Roast him at the steak," cried the butcher,
still holding in his hands the papier mache
chicken he had been selling when the call
came.
"Splendid," said, the near poet.
"Boil him in oil," suggested the near artist.
"What is it, forgery?" asked the blacksmith.
"Put him in a cell," said the merchant.
Billy saw that he was in a tight place and
must act quickly. No one had as yet taken
hold of him, they were all too excited to think
of that; but he knew a near policeman was
even then trying to edge through the crowd
and something must be done. Just then the


A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
near astronomer put out a hand to seize Billy's
collar—quick as a wink Billy reached up and
pushed the star gazer's plug hat right down
over his eyes.
"You can't see stars this time at any rate,"
said Billy, and then was surprised to find
himself rising, rising, rising off of the ground.
In hitting he had jumped up to reach the
star gazer's hat and of course up he went.
"Good-bye," called Billy, to the astonished
crowd, "I had forgotten that you couldn't do
any more than nearly catch me or I should
not have been frightened."
And the last Billy ever saw of Shamville
was a great sea of big round eyes and wide
open mouths.
"I wonder whether this is the beginning or
the end of my adventures," said Billy to
himself. "I hope it is the last because I really
want to deliver this note to Bogie Man as
soon as I can. They will think it strange at
the office if I'm gone longer than a week
delivering one message."
"My goodness, can that be a cyclone?"
For just ahead of him Billy saw a great cloud


28
BILLY BOUNCE
from which came a hum-m-m - - Buzz-z-z-z.
"Why, it's a swarm of bees and they are
carrying something. I do hope they won't
sting me."
By this time Billy had met them and of
course, as he couldn't steer himself in the air,
the bees had to get out of the way.
"Hum-m," said a big
old fat bee, clearing his
throat, "what sort of a
beetle are you?"
"I'm—I'm a boy," said
Billy, very, very
politely, because
he saw that the
soldier bees had fixed
sting bayonets.
"I've never heard of a
beetle boy—stop a minute, I
want to look at you."
"I'm sorry, sir," said Billy,
"but I can't."
"We'll soon fix that," shouted
the old bee general. "Ho! guard, seize him."
And in a twinkling Billy found himself in

General Merchandise.


A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
29
the grasp of the bees. Now of course as soon
as Billy stopped moving forward he had to
drop to earth, so down, down, down he went,
with the excited bee soldiers clinging to him
and flapping their wings in a vain endeavor
to keep him and themselves up in the air.
And almost on top of them dropped the fussy
old Bee General.
"Now see what you've done, Beetle Boy,"
said he. "What do you mean by interfering
with the Queen's Own Yellow Jackets on the
public fly-ways?"
Before Billy could answer a sweet girlish
voice said:
"What is the matter, General Merchandise?"
"We've caught a fly-wayman or something
equally wicked, Princess Honey Girl," said the
General, gravely saluting.
"Indeed Miss," said Billy, kneeling (as well
as he could in his suit) before the beautiful,
golden haired maiden, who had stepped out
of her Palanquin and stood looking at him,
"indeed Miss, I'm not any of the things this bee
gentleman calls me—I'm just a messenger boy."
"There now, what did I tell you?" shouted


30
BILLY BOUNCE
the General. "Just a minute ago he said he
was a Beetle Boy. Ho, guard—oh! that's so,
you've already ho—d."
"I beg your pardon, sir, but you were the
one that said I was a Beetle Boy."
"Don't contradict," said General Merchandise.
Why didn't you tell me you weren't, then?"
"That would be contradicting, sir," said Billy,
laughing in spite of his fears.
"General," said the Princess, "let me speak."
"If you will promise not to talk," said the
General, bowing.
"First then, soldiers, take your hands off Mr.
Messenger Boy."
"Billy Bounce is my name, Princess," mur-
mured Billy.
"Ha," growled the General, half to himself,
"another name, eh!"
"Silence, General; I can't forget that my Aunt
Queen Bee—"
"She's not an ant, she's a bee," said the
General, sulkily.
"Silence, sir; you forget yourself. I say that
I cannot forget that my Aunt Queen Bee, whose
heir I am, bestowed the title of General Mer-


A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
31
chandise upon you, because she set such store
by you, but I cannot stand these interruptions."
"Pardon, your highness," said the General,
humbly.
"Granted. Now, Billy Bounce, what have you
to say for yourself?"
"Nothing, Princess," answered Billy, "except
that I am carrying a message from Nickel Plate
to Bogie Man and—"
"My bitter enemy," cried the Princess.
"Hum-m-m-m-m, I told you so," shouted the
General. "Ho, guards, seize him!"
Billy found himself again seized, and very
roughly this time; indeed, had it not been for
the toughness of his rubber suit he would have
surely been stung. But, nothing daunted, he
said:
"Your enemies, Princess Honey Girl; then
they are mine."
"What do you mean?" asked she, blushing.
"I mean," said Billy, earnestly, "that if I were
not a messenger boy, who has to do his duty
under any circumstances, and had I known that
these were your enemies, I should not have car-
ried their message."


32
BILLY BOUNCE
"Then why do you?" said the General.
"Give me the message and you shall be free."
"No," said Billy, "I cannot do that; I have
undertaken to carry it, and my honor demands
that I do so while I live."
"You are right," said the General; "then the
best way out of the difficulty is to kill you."
"No," said the Princess, "that shall not be
done."
"Thank you, Princess," whispered Billy, "you
shall not regret it. Let me do my duty—let
me carry the message. Then, when it is de-
livered, I shall be free to fight for you; indeed,
when I am once in Bogie Man's Castle I shall
be in the very best position to help you."
"Good," said the Princess.
"Good," said the General.
"Good," said all the soldiers.
"But why are Nickel Plate, Bumbus and
Bogie Man your enemies?" asked Billy.
"Because they want to carry me far away
from the Bee Palace and make me work in the
factory," answered the Princess, sadly, "putting
the wicked Glucose, who looks almost exactly
like me, in my place in the castle."


A JUMP TO SHAMVILLE
33
"But why?" said Billy.
"I am Crown Princess, and if they can do
away with me and substitute Glucose for me
they will be in control of the Castle and the
Bee Government and can make a corner in
honey."
"Villains!" cried Billy, "but between us we
will foil them."
"You will help me?" said the Princess, look-
ing earnestly at him.
"I will, I promise you. But now I must be
on my way."
"Good-bye, Billy Bounce; don't forget me,"
said the Princess.
"I will see you soon. Good-bye, Honey Girl,"
and, with a farewell wave to the Princess, the
General, and all the soldier bees, Billy jumped
up and away in further search of Bogie Man.


CHAPTER III.
BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO.
BILLY had floated a long, long time through
the sweet, soft air: indeed he was gently
settling down to earth again, when he discovered
that the jolly old red faced sun was rolling
off to his bed in the far west.
"Well," said he to himself, "if Father Sun
is going to turn in for the night, and I see
him putting on his white cloud night cap, I
expect it's about time for me to do the same."
"Bow-wow," came a faint bark from under
his coat.
"Why, it's Barker," said Billy, reaching in
and patting a warm little head. "I'd almost
forgotten you, old doggie, and I thank you for
reminding me of the Singing Tree."
In a twinkling Billy was on the ground and
digging a hole in the soft earth.


BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO
35
"I hate to pinch your tail, old fellow," said
Billy, "but it's really necessary you know," and
holding Barker's nose over the hole he gave his
tail a gentle tweak.
"Bow-wow-wow."
Quickly Billy shovelled in the earth, and lo
and behold, quicker than I can tell you about
it, there stood the Singing Tree, bowing and
smiling.
Just as Billy was going to wish the tree a
polite good evening, he saw Barker scampering
after a little beam of sunlight that had crept
in through the branches of the tree. "Barker,
come here," called Billy, but he was too late.
"Snap—gulp," and Barker had swallowed the
sunlight.
"I hope it won't make you sick, doggie," said
Billy, looking at him anxiously.
But Barker wrinkled his nose at him in such
a happy dog smile and wagged his stubby
little tail so contentedly that Billy decided he
was used to the diet and turned to the Singing
Tree.
"Good evening," said Billy, "I hope you
are well."


36
BILLY BOUNCE
"Mi ?-so-so," sang the tree, "pause and rest
at my bass."
"Excuse me, sir, but what is your name?"
said Billy; "you see I'd like to know how to
address you."
"C. Octavious Minor," sang the tree. "But
it's time you slept. I'll look sharp for accidental
intruders and pitch into them with my staff if
they bother us; good night."
Then he began to sing softly:
When the clucking cows have gone to roost
And the milk hens all are fed,
When the sheep have sung their young to wake
And the bats have gone to bed,
When the sun has risen in the west
And the golden moon has sunk,
When the gentle watch dog's wound and set
And the day owl's in his bunk,
It's time for wakeful boys to sleep
Despite the hooting lark,
For yesterday will soon be here
And work begins with dark."
And when the tree got to this point in his
song he stopped. For Billy was sound asleep
with Barker snuggled up in his arms, while
from his half-opened lips came a contented snore.


BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO 37
Billy was awakened in the morning by the
singing tree tickling him gently on the nose
with one of its branches.
"Up—up," it sang.
Barker thinking it was calling "up pup"
jumped up, and ran madly around the tree for
his morning's exercise. And then suddenly
there was no tree. Barker didn't notice this at
first, and circled around where the tree had been
three times more before he discovered that it
was gone.
Have you ever seen a dog look surprised
and hurt and just a little bit ashamed? Well,
that's the way Barker looked when Billy picked
him up and stowed him away again in his jacket.
"Well, I must be off," said Billy to himself.
"Don't hurry," said a voice at his elbow.
Billy was so startled that he stepped back,
caught his foot in a vine, and rolled over and
over on the ground. There, where a minute
before had been nothing at all, stood a great
red Tomato leaning on its vine.
"It's—it's a fine morning, sir," said Billy.
"A vine morning you mean," said the To-
mato sourly.


38
BILLY BOUNCE
"I beg your pardon?" said Billy, because he
hadn't quite understood the Tomato.
"Granted for just this once. But don't do it
again."
"What?"
"Anything — great tin cans! how I hate
boys."
"I'm sorry, sir," said Billy.
"No, you're not," grumbled the Tomato;
"you say you are, but you're not; boys are
never sorry."
"Why don't you like boys, sir? I'm sure"
—and then he stopped. He was on the point
of saying "boys like tomatoes" when he re-
membered that this might sound a little per-
sonal and thought better of it.
The Tomato did not notice this, however,
and said, wiping a dew tear from his eye,
"A boy threw my favourite sister at a cat
last week and I have never been able to
abide boys since; and, come to think of it,
you look like that boy."
"Oh! no, sir, it wasn't I," said Billy,
frightened. "I—I've only just come."
"Well, maybe not; goodness knows, though,



"Come, now, don't give me any of your tomato sauce."—Page 39.


: / YORK
LIBRAR
ASTOR. LENOX
.DEN FOUNDATION*


BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO
39
you're ugly enough. Where are you going?"
"I'm taking a message to Bogie Man, sir;
and—and I really must go at once. Good
bye."
"Oh! hoi so you're the boy Bumbus warned
me about last night. I guess you'll have to
stay here," said the Tomato threateningly.
This made Billy angry. "I guess not," he
said, and gave a great jump into the air.
"Not so fast, Mr. Rubber Ball, not so fast,"
said the Tomato in Billy's ear. And though
Billy was many, many feet away from the
ground, Tomato's vines had grown right up
to him, while one of his tendrils had wound
itself about his feet.
Not only that but hundreds of other tomatoes,
not quite so large as the first one it is true,
but large enough to frighten Billy, were shak-
ing their heads at him threateningly.
But Billy plucked up his courage and said in
a voice that was a wee bit shaky, "Come, now,
don't give me any of your tomato sauce; if
you're not careful I'll squash you."
"Even then I'd be some pumpkins," shouted
the Tomato, nearly bursting with rage, "and as


40
BILLY BOUNCE
everybody knows a well red tomato is not a
greeny, I certainly should be able to catsup with
a small boy."
"You ought to go on the stage," said Billy,
trying to smile; "you really are very funny."
This seemed to mollify the Tomato. "Some
of my family have gone on as soupers. What
would you suggest for me, comedy or tragedy?"
"Comedy, by all means," answered Billy, set-
tling himself more comfortably on a large leaf,
because, of course, having stopped moving, he
would have fallen had he had nothing to sup-
port him.
"I can recite," said the Tomato. "Don't you
want to hear me?"
"I'd be delighted, only, you know, I'm late,
and—"
"You will be the late lamented if you don't
sit tight, my boy," said the Tomato, sourly.
"Listen."
tomato's recitation.
"There lived a wicked Wenket once,
Who kept a castle keep,
And when he wasn't wide awake
You'd find him fast asleep.


BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO
41
He ate his food with knife and fork,
And I am loath to state,
. He wore a shoe upon each foot,
A hat upon his pate.
Of course it's hard to give belief
So sinful one could be;
But oft he wore a collar too,
Betwixt just you and me.
And think of this—I blush with shame
To tell this awful truth—
He wore a coat and vest and pants—
How horribly uncouth!!!
But wickedness will get its due,
As sure as corn is corn.
He went to bed one stormy night
And got up in the morn.
Now little boys and little girls,
This tale a moral bears:
Don't strike the baby with an axe
Or throw the cat down stairs."
"Good," said Billy, "it really must be very
funny indeed when it is well done," and pop
he had jumped on Tomato's head, given a
quick spring, and had sailed off before Tomato
realized what he was up to.
"I'm glad Tomato recited; he was so out
of breath when he finished that he couldn't


42
BILLY BOUNCE
grow after me," said Billy to himself when he
saw that he was safe from pursuit.
"I wonder what Honey Girl is doing to-
day." And I fear that he was still thinking so
hard about Honey Girl that he forgot to notice
when he next dropped to the ground. Anyway,
he was standing deep in thought when something
tapped him on the shoulder.
"Salute!" said a stern voice. Looking up
Billy saw that he was surrounded by hun-
dreds of grim-faced soldiers, dressed in uniforms
of the very deepest indigo, and all wearing blue
glasses. And such a thin, sad, hollow-cheeked,
hollow-eyed officer as had tapped him on the
shoulder! Billy could tell he was an officer
because of the gun metal sword he carried and
the epaulettes of crepe that he wore.
"Salute," said the officer again in a deep,
sepulcheral tone.
"Yes, sir," said Billy, cracking his heels
together and putting his hand up to his cap
as he had seen soldiers do.
"That's not the proper salute. Take out your
handkerchief and wipe your right eye," said the
officer. "That's the proper salute for the Blues."


BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO
43
Billy did as he was told with a sinking
heart. Everything seemed so changed by the
Regiment of Blues. The sun had gone under
a cloud, the wind whistled dismally, a frog
croaked in a nearby pond, and all together
Billy came near to wanting to use his hand-
kerchief in earnest.
"So you think you are going to see Bogie
Man."
"Yes, sir, I am."
"You're not, as sure as my name is Colonel
Solemncholly."
"Excuse me, but I am," said
Billy staunchly.
"I knew it, I knew
it," said the Colonel,
sadly. "He is too fat to
give up easily—good-
ness, how I hate fat
people—they laugh."
"Don't you ever laugh, sir?"
"I'd be court martialed if I
did."
"But aren't you Command-
asked Billy. Privalf /; ;r
er?


44
BILLY BOUNCE
"Yes, of the Blues, but you know we're
the away-from-home guard of Bogie Man, and
he is our real Commander."
"Oh! I see. Then you can tell me how to
get to Never Was."
"Indeed not. We were sent out to stop
you, and that reminds me—Corporal Punish-
ment and Private Tear, seize this boy."
"Snap," went the whip in Corporal Punish-
ment's hand, "Crack," it struck Private Tear
on the shoulder, and snuffing and wiping his
eyes, Private Tear stepped out of the ranks.
"Seize him and throw him in the Dumps,"
cried Colonel Solemncholly.
As the Colonel spoke the drums gave a
long dismal roll and the band struck up a
funeral march.
Corporal Punishment's whip was circling
in the air preparatory to coming down on
Billy's head, and Private Tear was getting
ready to put his handkerchief over his eyes
when Billy laughed. It wasn't because he
felt like laughing at all, but because Barker
in snuggling closer to him had tickled him
in the ribs.


BILLY IS CAPTURED BY TOMATO 45
"Look out, he's armed!" cried Colonel Sol-
emncholly, Corporal Punishment and Private
Tear in one breath.
This gave Billy an idea, and he burst out
into a loud laugh.
"Throw a wet blanket over him," commanded
the Colonel. "Regiment, carry arms!"
At that the soldiers drew out their pocket-
handkerchiefs, held them to their eyes, reversed
their guns, and advanced boldly on Billy, while
the band played the tune the old cow died on.
Billy continued to force his laugh, trying hard
to think of some way out of his difficulty. He
didn't like the idea of the wet blanket, and he
couldn't jump or run because Corporal Punish-
ment's whip was wound around his neck.
"Double quick!" cried the Colonel. "Catch
him before the sun comes out."
Barker stirred uneasily in Billy's pocket.
"Saved!" cried Billy. "It's worth trying."
And quickly taking Barker out of his pocket,
he held him by his hind legs and gently
thumped his little stomach.
"Plump," and out fell the bar of sunlight he
had swallowed the night before. When it struck


#5
BILLY BOUNCE
the ground it burst into a million dancing, spar-
kling bits of golden sunshine, and presto! the
Blues had disappeared, lock, stock and barrel.
And there stood Billy, in a glow of sunlight
on the beautiful green grass, listening to the
sweet notes of forest birds in the trees nearby.
"Now I know how to get rid of the Blues,"
sang Billy to himself, as he leapt into the air,
"a good hearty laugh and a bit of sunshine will
always disperse them."


48
BILLY BOUNCE
a-tremble still, and all because Bogie Man sent
an airless message to the Blue Hen's Chicken
that I was to get up before breakfast and do
sentry duty."
"What for?" asked Billy.
"To stop one Billy Bounce, alias Rubber
Ball Boy, and take him prisoner to the town
of Eggs-Aggeration. He's a very dangerous
person."
"Why, I'm "and then Billy stopped.
"Of course you are; I knew that as soon as
I saw you," said White Wings, complacently.
'What did you know?"
"That you're"
"What am I?"
"I don't know, but you said you were," said
White Wings. "But wait a minute, I have a
lineless picture of this Billy Bounce some place
about me."
"You needn't trouble," said Billy. "I'm Billy
Bounce."
"Yes, I know," answered White Wings, un-
blushingly, "it's impossible to deceive me."
"Well !" was all Billy could say, so disgusted
was he with the barefaced fib.


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION 49
"And here we are," said the Egg, as they
dropped gently on the sidewalk in the town
of Eggs-Aggeration. And such a grotesque
town as it was. Not a straight street or house
in it. The walls, a little distance away, went
up and up so high that Billy could just barely
see the roofs of the houses; but when he was
standing next them he could almost reach
their tops by standing on tiptoe. The streets
looked miles long, but he knew he could almost
come to their end in three steps and a jump.
"What an exaggeration," said Billy to him-
self; "why, of course, that's the reason they
call it Eggs-Aggeration."
"Here's Billy Bounce,"
called White Wings, and out
of their doors and windows
trooped the inhabitants.
First came the Blue
Hen's Chicken, and after her
rolled eggs of all kinds
and descriptions.
"My goodness," said
White Wings, "what a time
I had with him, to be sure. Blue Hen's chicken.


BILLY BOUNCE
It was only after a fierce hand-to-egg struggle
that I succeeded in capturing him."
"Why!" exclaimed Billy in surprise. "I"
"Is he very strong?" interrupted the Blue
Hen's Chicken.
"Strong," said White Wings, "Strong" I
should say he was; much stronger than our
oldest inhabitant."
"What are you going to do with me?"
asked Billy, too disgusted to deny the story.
"Wait and see," chuckled the Chicken, "wait
—wait—wait—wait—and see—bad luck—bad
luck—bad luck."
"Serve him right for being a greedy boy,"
said Turkey Egg, angrily. "I know him, he's
a bad lot—always eating, just gobble, gobble,
gobble, all day long."
"That's not true," said Billy, "you know
you don't know me."
"Never saw you in my life before," whis-
pered Turkey Egg, "but don't mention that,
if I want to get my witness fee I've got to
say something, haven't I?"
"But you may be swearing my life away,"
said Billy.


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION S1
"I never swear, but I'm sure you want to
get away, don't you?"
"Yes, of course."
"Well, you want to take your life with you,
don't you?"
"Yes."
"There you are, then; if your life is taken
away it won't be here, and if it is not here you
won't be here, and if you are not here you will
be away," and Turkey Egg laughed heartily at
his joke.
"You are the most heartless egg I ever
knew," said Billy, in despair.
"Sh-h-h-h-h! now you've hit the truth," said
Turkey Egg, confidentially;" years ago, when
they thought I was going to turn out bad, they
blew my heart out."
"Isn't he handsome," simpered little Miss
Easter Egg, coloring up.
Billy pretended not to hear this, but it did
his heart good to know that he had one friend
in the city.
In the meantime Blue Hen's Chicken and the
Official Candler, who was called Egg Judge, had
been discussing what should be done with Billy.



aggeration," said Billy;
"why, I can't live that long."
"Of course not," answered the Official Candler;
"and if you're not alive, what difference will it
make whether it's a thousand years or ten
thousand?"
"Come, come! We're wasting time," fussed the
Blue Hen's Chicken. "To the Packing House
jail with him."
"I'll stick to him," cried Al Bumen, the police-
man, shaking his egg-beater at Billy fiercely;
"come along now! There's no use trying to resist,
for I have you egg-sactly where I want you."


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION S3
And Billy, seeing that it was indeed useless to
try to escape as things then were, went sulkily off,
with Al Bumen's moist hand in his collar.
"Please take your sticky fingers off of my
neck," said he; "I won't try to run."
"You promise?" asked Al Bumen.
"I do, cross my heart and hope to die," said
Billy eagerly.
"Well, I don't believe you, I can't believe
any body in Eggs-Aggeration."
Poor Billy hung his head in shame as he was
led along the street like a common criminal.
He tried two or three times to pull away, but Al
Bumen's arm would stretch out like a rubber
band and then "snap," Billy would bounce back
like a return ball.
"There, now, what did I tell you," said Al
Bumen, "that's the second time that you have
tried to escape and you said you wouldn't."
"But you wouldn't take my word."
"Of course not, I have no use for your
word, I have plenty of my own. And anyway,
how could you keep your word if you gave
it to me."
My, my, my, what a day it was for the


54
BILLY BOUNCE
inhabitants of Eggs-Aggeration. They had seen
Eggs beaten, and taken up by the Police, but
never a boy. The Scramble Egg children
tumbled along at Billy's side, shouting and
rolling over and over in their glee. Mothers
brought their little cradled Egg babies out
to see him pass—even poor "Addle," the
village egg idiot, made faces at him; only
Billy felt sorry for him because he could see
that he was cracked. But when some of the
bad little street boys threw stones at him,
even Al Bumen was angry—indeed, they
barely missed his head two or three times.
"Stop it," he cried, "I know you every
one, you are the Strictly boys."
"How do you know them?" asked Billy,
for they looked like any other eggs to him.
"Do you think I can't recognize a fresh
egg when I see him—oh! I know them—
their mother thinks because they have had their
names in the grocer's window that they can't
turn out bad, but I've known some terrible
ones in that family."
Billy felt almost relieved when they reached
the jail. "In with you," said Al Bumen.


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION 55
"By the way, have you ever had the Chicken
Pox r
"No, sir," said Billy.
"Well, you must be vaccinated at once; I
wouldn't have you catch it and break out
now that you are safely here."
"I warn you I shall try to," said Billy, in a
temper.
"I give you leave to try, but it's useless to try
to leave—you can thank your lucky stars you
weren't put in the incubator instead of in here."
"The incubator?" asked Billy.
"Yes—the Orphan Asylum—it's a terribly hot
place; an egg that goes in there never comes out
the same," said Al Bumen, gravely.
"Oh, I know," said Billy; "it changes them
into chicks."
"Yes—it's capital punishment; they either
come out entirely bad or with fowl natures. It's
enough to make one chicken-hearted to think
of it."
Billy was shown into his cell and the door was
locked. "Why—who are you?" said he, in sur-
prise. For when his eyes got used to the dark-
ness he discovered that he had a cell mate.


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION
"Nest Egg—the laundryman?"
"No, I've never heard of him; what has he
done?"
"He was arrested for impersonating an egg,"
said Boiled Egg, "and it served him right, because
he never could be served any other way, you
know."
"Why?" asked Billy.
"Well, in the first place, he came here from
China, and I tell you we Union eggs are all down
on Chinese labor. What chance has an honest,
hard-working egg
against that sort of a
fellow. I say, crack his
head open, that's the
only thing that should
be done to him."
"Goodness! That ice
makes it damp in here;
I believe I'm taking
cold — catch — choo —
catch—choo," and Billy
sneezed twice.
"Gehsundheit!"
Gebsundhiie said a voice in his ear.


58
BILLY BOUNCE
"Did you speak, Mr. Boiled Egg?" asked
Billy, surprised.
"No; please be quiet and let me sleep," said
Boiled Egg, sleepily.
"Gehsundheit!"
And this time Billy turned his head and saw a
little snuff-colored fellow sitting on his shoulder,
with the funniest little face he had ever seen. His
eyes were puckered up, his nose wrinkled and his
mouth open, so that he looked for all the world
as if he were going to sneeze any minute. In his
coat pocket he carried a very life-like stuffed
rabbit.
"Who are you?" asked Billy.
"Gehsundheit!"
"And what is that?"
"A Cherman Count—and amateur presti-
indigestion-tater, or magician — you haf called
me—alreatty am I here."
"I didn't call you."
"Ogscuse me, but did you not schneeze?"
"Yes," said Billy.
"So—vas I right—ven you schneeze den does
it call me. See, here are my orders from Mr.
Gas." And, taking a paper out of Gehsundheit s


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION
59
hand, Billy read " Gehsundheit, Draughty Castle,
Germany; when Billy Bounce sneezes he needs
your assistance—go to him at once. Signed by
Mr. Gas."
"What luck," whispered Billy excitedly.
"What luck—indeed I do need you."
"It is most well, I am here. Vat was your
vish?"
"I want to get out," said Billy.
"Can you crawl through a keyhole?" asked
Gehsundheit.
"Of course not—if I could I shouldn't need
your help," said Billy, disdainfully.
"No; dat iss too bad, I can. Can you
disappear?"
"Certainly not."
"Too bad—too bad. Let me think. Ah! I
haf it, turn yourself into a fly," said Gehsundheit
eagerly.
"But I can't. Can you?"
"No, but it would be so useful if you
could. I am afraid times haf changed. Ven I
vas a boy peeples could do so much magic.
To-day it iss not so. I—I only am de greatest
magician in vorld."


6o
BILLY BOUNCE
"But I thought you were here to help me,"
said Billy.
"I am, but if you will not follow my
directions how can I ?" said Gehsundheit, crossly.
"Then can you do nothing for me?"
"Sure can I—would you lend me your cap?"
"Yes," said Billy, handing him his cap and
wondering what he was going to do with it.
Gehsundheit carefully took the rabbit out
of his pocket and laying the cap over it made
several passes with his hands. "Presto—chesto—
besto—change!" and lifting up the cap and
the rabbit with both hands made a quick turn
and pulled the rabbit out of the cap.
"It iss wonderful, iss it not ?" said Gehsundheit.
"See I haf taken a rabbit from your cap."
"Is that all you can do for me," asked
Billy in disgust.
"It's all the tricks I haf yet learned, but
yes, I can lend you a pocket handkerchief."
"What good will that do?" asked Billy.
"Vy, if you haf caught cold you will need
it," said Gehsundheit, pulling out a little hand-
kerchief.
"Oh, go away and let me alone," said


ADVENTURES IN EGGS-AGGERATION 61
Billy, thoroughly angry. "Much use you are."
And presto—Gehsundheit was gone.
"He's a nice one—gracious, but I'm hungry,"
and Billy hammered on the cell door.
"Do be still," said Boiled Egg. "Can't you
see I'm trying to sleep?"
"But I'm hungry," said Billy.
"Hungry," exclaimed Boiled Egg, turning pale
—" why, why, you don't mean to say you eat?"
"Indeed I do. I haven't had my breakfast
yet, and I want some eggs."
"Help, help, help !" yelled the Egg, crouching
down in a corner and pulling the cake of ice
cot in front of him; "he wants to eat me. Help,
help, help, help! he wants eggs."
"If you're not quiet I will eat you, sure
enough," said Billy, angrily.
"He says he will eat me. Help, help, help!"
Rattle! went the key in the door; bang! it
opened wide, and in ran Al Bumen and Yolk,
the jailer.
"What's the matter here?" asked Al Bumen,
in a fierce voice.
"I'm hungry, and I want some eggs for break-
fast," said Billy, sullenly.


62
BILLY BOUNCE
Out went Al Bumen, in a jiffy, and after him
tumbled Yolk, leaving the door wide open and
the keys behind them.
"This is my chance," cried Billy, and out he
dashed after them. Far off, down the street,
Billy saw Yolk and Al Bumen running as fast
as their legs would carry them.
"Billy Bounce wants eggs to eat! Billy
Bounce wants eggs to eat! Look out, every-
one, he's loose! Help, help, help!" In a min-
ute the town was in an uproar; mothers seized
their children, and, carrying them inside, locked
the doors and barricaded the windows.
Gray haired old eggs hobbled as fast as their
legs would carry them to places of safety.
Strong egg men fainted and were dragged
indoors. In a minute Billy was the only
living soul on the street.
"Now is my time," cried he. "Good-bye,
eggs, some day I shall come back and eat you
all up," and laughing heartily he jumped high
into the air and sailed far, far away.


CHAPTER V.
PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
BILLY sat under the Singing Tree. "Time
for supper, isn't it, Mr. Tree?" he said; "I'm
as hungry as a wolf."
Immediately the tree commenced to sing,
"Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold, pease
porridge in the pot nine days old," and with a
rustle of leaves it handed down three kinds of
porridge. Billy chose some of the hot pease
porridge and found it very good.
Then it sang, "Little fishey in the brook, papa
caught it with a hook, mamma fried it in a pan
and Billy ate it like a man," at the same time
handing him a sizzling hot fish on a clean white
platter. The fish was done to a turn and it's no
wonder Billy left nothing but the bones.
Next came "Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's
man! so I will, master, as fast as I can; pat it and


64
BILLY BOUNCE
prick it and mark it with B; put in the oven for
Billy and me."
"There," said Billy, when that was finished, "I
feel as though I'd had almost enough; but a
little pie would"
And sure enough, the tree sang "Little Jack
Horner sat in a corner, eating a Xmas pie;
he put in his thumb and he took out a plum and
said what a good boy am I!"
Of course, one plum was gone,, because Jack
Horner had taken that, but there were plenty
more left, and Billy ate to his heart's content.
So it was every night, and Billy never wanted
for plenty to eat.
But this night he had had such a hearty meal
that I fear it made him a bit restless in his sleep.
At any rate, some time in the middle of the night
he was awakened by a voice calling "Umbe-
rufen," and a tiny hand thumping him on the chest.
"Was-smatter?" asked Billy sleepily.
"Umberufen," said the voice.
"Oh!" said Billy, sitting up suddenly and
upsetting a little old man with wooden pajamas
and a nut-cracker face. "Who's Umberufen?"
"I am, and you called me out of a sound



Billy never wanted for plenty to eat.—Page 64.


THE NEW YOi K
PUBLIC LIBRARY
A8TOR. LENOX
TILDtN FOONBAT|ONi>_


PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
65
sleep. I do think you mortals are the most
inconsiderate people I ever met," said Umber-
ufen angrily. "Now dflTih
singing tree, "you're still touching wood. Now
tell me you didn't call me."
"What has my touching wood to do with
you?" asked Billy.
"It calls me to you, worse luck—what a
dull fat boy you are, to be sure," said
Umberufen scornfully.
"How was I to know? I've not made any
arrangement with you, I'm sure."
what do you want?
Tell me quickly, be-
cause I want to get back
to my sawdust bed."
"You did—there's no
use trying to deceive
me. I distinctly felt it
when you touched
wood—why," pointing at
Billy's hand which rested
on the trunk of the
"I didn't call you—
I've been asleep myself.;'


66
BILLY BOUNCE
"Well, if you didn't, your Fairy Godfather
did, and got me dirt cheap at that—ten cents a
day and traveling expenses. But speak up, what
do you want?"
"I want to go to sleep," said Billy crossly.
"But you were asleep," replied Umberufen.
"Yes, I was."
"Then if you were asleep, why did you call
me to tell me you wanted to go to sleep?"
"It was an accident," said Billy. "I didn't
want you, don't want you, and if you can't
do anything but scold a fellow because you
came when you weren't wanted, I don't ever
want to see you again. Good-night." And
Billy turned over in a huff and closed his
eyes.
"But I can't go until I do something for
you—those are my orders," said Umberufen
sulkily. "You called me here and you've got
to abide by the consequences."
"I don't care what you do. Well, then,
stand on your head," said Billy.
"Zip "—and there stood little old Umberufen
on his head. "Why didn't you say so sooner?"
said he as he regained his feet. "I'd have been


PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
67
home by this time—good-night," and he was
gone.
When Billy woke in the morning he felt
just a bit sleepy and cross, but after he and
Barker had had a game of romps he felt
better, and tucking the dog under his arm he
jumped off into space singing gaily.
"My gracious, what a big sea shore this is!"
exclaimed Billy, when he drifted down to earth
again; "and how hot the sun is, but where is
the water?"
And Billy stood wiping the perspiration from
his brow, while Barker squirmed out of his arms
and stood in Billy's shadow with his tongue
lolling out.
"It seems to me the singing tree can help us
here," said Billy.
Barker undoubtedly understood him, and
thought it a splendid plan, for quick as a flash
his little fore paws had dug a hole in the soft
sand. He barked into it, kicked the sand in
again with his hind legs, and he and Billy were
soon sitting in the grateful shade of the tree.
"Ah-h,"said Billy, "this is what I call comfort."
"Comfort," said a voice on the other side
1


68
BILLY BOUNCE
of the tree, "much you know about comfort."
The voice was followed by the saddest-looking
mortal that Billy had ever beheld. A regular
sugar-loaf head — large at the jaws and
small at the top,
scrawny neck, slop-
ing shoulders, and
skinny legs. And
such a face—weep-
ing beady eyes, a
Jong sharp nose
n d thin lips
turned down at the
corners.
"Who are you?"
asked Billy sharply.
"And what do you
mean by coming
up so suddenly?"
"I'm a hermit,
and this is my
fast day, so I couldn't come slowly," said the
man sadly.
"What is a fast day?" asked Billy.
"A day when you don't eat."

rbe Hermit.


PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
6g
"Oh!" said Billy, "I thought you meant a .
day when time flies."
"No," said the man, wrapping his legs around
and around each other, "no; if that were the
case every day would be a fast day, because it's
always fly time in this desert."
"You seem unhappy. Cheer up!"
"I can't cheer up. How is a fellow to cheer
when he can't speak above a whisper?"
"I mean laugh," said Billy.
"Laugh," said the man wearily, "what's that?"
"Don't you know what a laugh is ?" cried Billy,
in surprise. "Why, this is a laugh: ha-ha-ha!"
"I don't see any sense in that," said the Her-
mit; "that's just a noise."
"Of course it's a noise. Come, now, I'll tell
you a joke: When is a door not a door?" Of
course it was very, very old, but so was the
Hermit, and Billy wanted to start with the sim-
plest joke he could think of.
"Quite impossible."
"No; when it's a-jar. Isn't that a good one?"
said Billy. "Ha-ha-ha!"
"Oh, my! oh, me! what a terrible thing!" cried
the man, bursting into tears. "Suppose all the


70
BILLY BOUNCE
doors should be changed into jars, what would
the poor people do?"
"But don't you see, that's the joke," said Billy;
"a-jar means partly open."
"Yes, but if it were still a door how could
it be a jar? It's got to be one or the other."
"Oh, pshaw!" said Billy, in disgust; "can't
you see it's a joke. I think it's very funny."
"Oh! is that funny?" asked the Hermit.
"Of course."
"Then that's the reason it doesn't make me
laugh. When I was a boy I broke my humerus
and had to have my funny bone extracted, so I
can't see anything funny."
"Poor fellow!" said Billy sympathetically.
"What town is that over there?"
"Mirage town," said the Hermit; "but you
can't reach it unless you fly."
"Why not?"
"It's built in the sky."
"In the sky? Is it on the road to Bogie
Man's house?"
"Are you seeking Bogie Man? Oh, me! oh,
my! Don't tell me you are seeking him."
"But I am," said Billy; "why not?"


PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
71
"Because I've got to hold you if you are,
and I'm so tired," said the Hermit, slowly
reaching out his arms.
"Good-by," cried Billy, giving a jump and
bounding out of his reach.
"Oh! please come back and tell me another
joke, I haven't had a good cry for a week," called
the Hermit, holding out his arms.
"Too late," Billy called back—" But when is a
door not a door? when it's ajar."
"Thank you," sobbed the Hermit, and the last
Billy saw or heard of him he was murmuring,
"When is a door a jar," and weeping bitterly.
In a twinkling Billy stood at the gates of Mir-
age Town. Far beneath him he could see the
burning hot desert, while through the gates he
could see cool, airy houses, beautiful streets
shaded by great trees and far beyond soft, green
meadows and sparkling brooks.
"My goodness, but I'm thirsty," said Billy to
himself. "I wish the gate keeper would hurry
and let me in," and again and again he knocked,
but seemingly with no result.
Finally when his throat was parched and his
tongue dry with thirst, he could stand it no longer.


72
BILLY BOUNCE
He put his shoulder to the gates — open they
swung, and Billy fell inside on his face. "Why, it
was just like pushing clouds away," he exclaimed.
"But I'm in the sun here; I must cross to the
other side."
So across the street he ran.
"Why this is strange, I was sure this was the
shady side," he said in surprise. For when he
got there the sun if anything was hotter than ever
and the side he had left was cool, shady and
inviting.
Billy shut his eyes. "I'm afraid this is sun-
stroke," he said," anyway I'll try again," and back
he ran as hard as he could go. But when he got
across it was the same thing as before.
"Come in and rest," called a voice from a house
at his side; "you look hot and tired—come in
and rest your face and hands."
"Thank you, I will," said Billy, gratefully, not
noticing that the voice was just a wee bit derisive.
"This way," called the voice; "turn the knob
and walk in—if you can."
"Oh! I can," said Billy, walking toward the
door of the house he thought he heard the voice
coming from.


PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
73
"Not that way—I'm across the street," called
the voice.
"Oh!" said Billy, politely, starting across
again, "I beg your pardon—I thought"
"Think again," said the voice; "are you com-
ing in or not? I'm not over here, I'm over there."
"Where?"
"Back where you're coming from."
"I thought you said—" began Billy.
"It doesn't make any difference what I said,
I didn't say it," answered the voice.
Billy began to lose his temper.
"Are you making fun of me—who are you
anyway?"
"I'm Nothing Divided By Two."
"Why, that's nothing," said Billy.
"Wrong," answered the voice.
"Why?"
"Don't ask so many questions—are you com-
ing in or not?"
"I think not," said Billy, " I can't spare the
time."
"I suppose you think you'll have to get right
on to Bogie Man's House."
"Yes."
*


74
BILLY BOUNCE
"But you're not—you'll never get away from
Mirage Town."
"Why not?" asked Billy,
"Because there is no such place."
"But I'm here."
"That's the trouble—you are in a town that
doesn't exist, so of course, you are not in any
place. And, if you'll tell me how you can leave
a place where you're not I'll"
"I'll show you," said Billy angrily, " I'll jump
out," and he tried to jump.
"No use," said the voice laughing, "there's
nothing under your feet—and you can't jump
from nothing."
"Well, I'll get a drink of water from that
brook and then you'll see," said Billy, "I'll go
out by the gate I entered."
"Ha! ha! ha!" laughed the voice, "try and
see."
Nothing daunted, however, Billy ran toward
the brook—" Can't catch me—can't catch me,"
called the brook, "running boys can't catch
running brooks."
"Indeed I will," and sure enough after a
long hard run Billy reached the brook. "Now,"


PEASE PORRIDGE HOT
75
said he exultingly, "now I've got you." Dip-
ping his cap deep into the water he eagerly
lifted it to his lips and found it—empty, while
far off down the road ran the brook.
Billy came very near crying, he was so
hot and thirsty and disappointed. But he swal-
lowed the lump in his throat (which, being
salty, made him thirstier than ever) and turned
back again.
"The gates are all that's left," he said, bravely,
"and I'll catch them, I'm sure." But it wasn't to
be, for the farther and the harder he ran, the
farther off the gates were. And finally he sank
down, entirely out of breath.
"No water, no shade, no trees—why the Sing-
ing Tree, of course," he cried, delightedly. Out
jumped Barker, scratch, scratch, scratch, bow-
wow-wow, and, "Bing!" the topmost branches of
the Singing Tree popped up and almost struck
Billy in the face.
"Hello!" cried Billy, "where are your roots?
I don't see anything but branches."
"Two miles below, where they ought to grow,"
sang the tree. "Come, hold on tight, you'll be
all right."


76
BILLY BOUNCE
And Billy seized the branch that held itself out
to him.
"Hold on there, I want to speak to you," called
the voice that had teased him so.
"I'll hold on," called Billy, "but I'll soon be
out of your hearing."
Down grew the tree; shorter and shorter it
grew, and sure enough, in a minute Billy was on
solid ground and Mirage Town had disappeared
from view.


CHAPTER VI.
BLIND MAN'S BUFF.
BILLY made an early start the next morning
so that he could get away from the desert before
the sun rose to its full height. And indeed the
pink had just begun to appear in the East when
he looked below him and saw once more trees
and grass and streams of water.
"Thank goodness, I am clear of the burning
desert at last," he said to himself—"Ugh!!
though, here I am falling, and I know I'll be
drenched passing through that cloud."
"Plump—squash," and he was in the cloud,
"there—it wasn't so bad after all. Why there's
Honey Girl's Palanquin." Sure enough he had
alighted within a few feet of Honey Girl, General
Merchandise and the Bee Soldiers all sound asleep.
"Who—o,who—o—who—o goes there?" cried
a large owl, perched on the limb of a tree above
the sleepers' heads,


BLIND MAN'S BUFF
79
"that's my own idea, you've read of soldiers
before a battle sleeping on their arms, haven't
"Yes."
"Well, every night our soldiers take off their
arms and sleep on them; of course, it was a little
uncomfortable at first, but it's very military."
"Yes, I suppose so," said Billy, dubiously, "but
who is that—a—gentleman up in the tree?"
"You mean the owl?"
"Yes-s, I thought he looked like an owl."
"That's our sentry—he does it very cheap by
the night, because he says he has to stay awake
anyway, and he might as well stay awake here
and get paid for it," answered the General.
"How is Princess Honey Girl?"
"Well—very well, in fact, but a little nervous;
you see Bumbus and the Scally Wags are on our
trail and she feels uneasy."
"Bumbus!" cried Billy.
"Yes—he is a renegade bee you know, and it
makes him very bitter against the Princess. You
haven't seen anything of them lately, have you?"
"No, I have not. But who are the Scally
Wags?"


8o BILLY BOUNCE
"Oh! they're terrible
fellows. I can't tell you
what they look like for
I've never seen them,
but many a time I've
read of their doings in
'The Morning Bee.'"
"Good morning,
Billy Bounce," said
The Bu Bugler. Honey Girl, opening
the curtains of her
Palanquin. "General, isn't it time to sound the
reveille?"
"Exactly, we must get our soldiers up bee-
times," said the General, saluting. "Bugler."
Up jumped a little bee, saluted, plucked a trumpet
flower and gave the reveille.
"I can't get 'em up,
I can't get 'em up,
I can't get 'em up in the morning,
The Corporal's worse than the Private,
The Sergeant's worse than the Corporal,
The Lieutenant's worse than the Sergeant,
And the Captain's worse than them all."
And in a second the whole camp was buz-
zing with soldiers.


BLIND MAN'S BUFF
81
"There—how's that?" said the General proudly.
"Splendid," said Billy—then turning to the
Princess, "I have thought of you many, many
times since I last saw you, Princess Honey Girl."
"And I have thought of you, Billy Bounce:
perhaps some day when this cruel war is over
you can visit my Aunt and myself in the Bee
Palace," said the Princess.
"Perhaps," said Billy, "and I don't believe
that time is far distant, for when I once find
Bogie Man I shall"
"Buzz-z-z- There they are—There they are,"
called a voice—and looking up and away to
the East Billy saw Bumbus and several objects
that he knew at once for Scally Wags.
"Princess, you must leave at once," he cried.
"Right again," said the General. "We can
outfly them—Company, 'Tenshun !!!—fix stings
—carry Palanquin—forward—fly!" and up and
off went the whole company, the Princess wav-
ing good-bye to Billy.
Indeed he was so intent on watching her and
waving to her that when he did come to him-
self and realized that it was time he got away,
it was too late.


THE KEW J


BLIND MAN'S BUFF 83
■
"Then why don't you answer? Come, speak
up," cried Bumbus in a temper.
"I thought you said to be quiet, that you
wanted to think," said Billy, looking very, very
innocent.
"You'll pay for this," said Bumbus.
"What, the thought?" asked Billy. "You
shouldn't sell it if it is the only one you have,
you'll probably need it some time."
"Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r, buz-z-z-z-z," was all that Bumbus
could answer, he was so angry.
"Leave him to me," said the head Scally Wag.
"I'll joke him to death."
"Do your worst," said Bumbus, regaining his
breath.
"No, I'll do my best. Here's a conundrum,
little fat boy—but you mustn't answer it correctly."
"Why not?" said Billy.
"Oh! that's against the rules of the game; no
wag, not even a Scally Wag expects his conun-
drums to be answered correctly."
"Why do you ask me then?"
"So that I can laugh at you for not knowing
the answer."
"But that's nonsense," persisted Billy.


84
BILLY BOUNCE
"Of course it is—we Scally Wags are all
nonsense."
"Well, go ahead."
"What time will it be this time last week?"
"You mustn't say will it be, but was it."
"Have you ever heard this conundrum be-
fore?"
"No," said Billy.
"Well, you see I have—it's my conundrum
and I guess / know what I ought to say."
"Then it will be the same time that it is
now," answered Billy.
"Wrong—wrong again," said the head Scally
Wag. "It will be a week earlier."
"Ha-ha-ho-ho-he-he, oh! what a joke," cried
the Scally Wags again, tweaking, pinching and
punching Billy.
"If you do that again I'll pitch into you,"
cried Billy angrily.
"There, that will do," interrupted Bumbus;
then hummed,
"Boys delight to bark and bite,
It is their nature to,
But every cat has many lives
And thereby hangs a tale."


BLIND MAN'S BUFF
85
"But that doesn't rhyme," said Billy.
"Of course not — why should it?" asked
Bumbus.
"Wasn't it meant for a poem?"
"Certainly not; it was meant for the truth."
"But it's not the truth."
"I didn't say it was the truth," said Bumbus.
"You just said it was meant for the truth,"
said Billy.
"Yes, meant for the truth—it was just an imi-
tation, so there's no more truth than poetry in it."
"It's my turn now," said the Head Scally
Wag. "We couldn't joke him to death, so lets
tickle him into little bits."
"Oh, don't!" cried Billy; "I'm ticklish."
"So much the better," said Bumbus. "But if
you will give up the note we'll let you go."
"I can't do that," said Billy decidedly, "I've
got to carry that to Bogie Man."
"Come on," cried the Scally Wags, and they
swarmed over Billy digging their fingers in the
spots where he should have been ticklish. But
of course they didn't know that he had on his
air suit, and the more they tickled the more
serious Billy looked.


86
BILLY BOUNCE
"No use," said the head Scally Wag, sinking
down on the ground exhausted. "We would
need a sledge-hammer to tickle that boy."
"Give him laughing gas," suggested Bumbus.
"Just the thing," cried the Scally Wags.
"Wait a minute," said Billy, "just let me
have one little game before you .give me the
gas."
"As a last request?" asked Bumbus.
"Yes."
"Well what is it? speak quickly, for time is
short and life is long you know."
"I want to play a game of blind man's buff,"
said Billy.
"That sounds reasonable," said Bumbus.
"How do you play it?"
"First you must all tie your handkerchiefs over
your eyes."
"Ha—ha—he—he—ho—ho—. Oh! what a
joke," cried the Scally Wags, "we all carry pocket
handkerchiefs."
"And then?" said Bumbus.
"Then," said Billy, "you all try to catch me."
"Is that all ?" asked Bumbus.
"Yes."


BLIND MAN'S BUFF
"What fun—ha—ha—he—he—ho—ho," said
the Scally Wags, "what a game to be sure."
Billy had some difficulty tying the handkerchiefs
around the Scally Wags' heads on account of
their enormous ears, but finally they were all
blindfolded. Bumbus was tied up in a jiffy.
"Go," cried Billy, at the same time leaping into
the air, and Bumbus and the Scally Wags all
made a rush for the spot where he had stood.
"I've got him—I've got him," cried all the
Scally Wags, hanging on to Bumbus. "I've got
him," cried Bumbus, catching hold of a Scally
Wag. And Billy laughed aloud to see them
scrambling and pushing and jostling one another
in their efforts to catch him.
Even when he was just a moving black speck
on the horizon Bumbus and the Scally Wags
were still struggling.


CHAPTER VII.
THE WISHING BOTTLE.
"I CAN'T understand why Bumbus wanted to
take that note away from me," Billy said to him-
self as he floated along. "First he and Nickel
Plate employed me to carry it and now he tries to
hinder me. Why of course—I know—he is
aware that Princess Honey Girl has told me her
story and fears that when once I do find Bogie
Man I will vanquish him—so I shall, too. I won-
der what the future will bring."
"Won't you have your fortune told sir?" and
Billy looked up to see sailing along at his side a
very old, very withered woman sitting on a broom.
"Why it's a witch," said Billy.
"I'm not a which, I'm a Was," said the old
woman.
"Oh! I beg your pardon, ma'am," said Billy,
"I saw that you were riding a broom."


go BILLY BOUNCE
the deck of cards that I tell ladies' fortunes with
—shall I try it over again?"
"No, I think not," said Billy, "I must be
going."
"Purr-r-r-r-r, Purr-r-r-r," and a great black,
hump-backed cat with glaring green eyes and
nine long black tails rubbed against his leg.
"Oh!" he cried, "what a large cat."
"Yes," said the old woman, "that's my black
cat-o-nine tails. I'm very proud of him, he's the
unluckiest cat of the entire thirteen in Supersti-
tionburg."
"Unlucky?"
"Yes, the cats always sit thirteen at table for
bad luck. As there never is more than enough
for twelve and as he always gets his share he
brings bad luck to one of the cats every meal.
Isn't that nice?"
"But isn't that hard on the extra cat?"
"Oh! no they don't mind at all—it's so good
for the digestion."
"Won't you have a cup of poison before you
go?"
"Poison?" said Billy, edging toward the
door.





92
BILLY BOUNCE
"I mean as you are a Was—can't you
help me?"
"I can lend you my invisible cloak," said
the old woman, going to a closet and taking
nothing out of it. "Here it is," handing
Billy nothing at all very carefully.
"But where is it?" asked Billy.
"I just gave it to you."
"I don't see it."
"Of course not—it's invisible."
"Then if I put it on will it make me
invisible ? ".
"Certainly not—it's the cloak that's invisible."
"Have you anything else?" asked Billy.
"Yes, I have the wishing bottle."
"Shall I be able to see that?"
"Oh! yes — here it is."
"Why that's hair dye, it says on the
label."
"Sh-h— don't speak so loud — that's all it
is, but you see it turns the hair so black that
it almost makes it invisible. It's the best
I can do for you. But don't tell anyone—it
would ruin my reputation as a cuperess."
"A cuperess?" asked Billy.


THE WISHING BOTTLE
93
"Yes, I cast charms."
"What kind?"
"All kinds but watch charms."
"I thought that was a sorceress."
"I used to be, but it's rude to drink poison
out of a saucer now, and so I am a cuperess."
"Thank you very much for the wishing
bottle," said Billy. "I don't know that I shall
need it, but I'll take it anyway."
"Bad luck to you," called the old woman. "By
the way where are you going now?"
"To Bogie Man's House," answered Billy.
"What have I done—what have I done—I'll
have to stop him—if I only hadn't been a Was
I might have guessed this was the boy," said
the old woman, wringing her hands.
But Billy didn't hear this; he was busy ex-
amining the left hind foot of a rabbit displayed
in a shop window.
"My cats," cried she, "I'll send them after
him," and opening an inner door she called:
"Stingaree, Stangaree,
Whollop and Whim,
Mizzle and Muzzle,
Luckety, Limb,


94
BILLY BOUNCE
Niddle and Noddle
And Puzzlecat too,
Roly and Poly,
I need all of you."
As each name was called, out ran a great
black hump-backed cat-o'-nine-tails, and by
the time she was done the thirteen of them
were standing in front of her, their 117 tails
swishing back and forth with a noise like a
hurricane. "Run and catch that boy for me,"
said she, pointing to Billy. And off they
scampered.
"What a wind is coming up," said Billy to
himself when he heard the cats behind him.
"Meow-w-w—"
And turning round he saw the great cats
bounding after him.
"They're after me—I'm sure," he said to
himself, "but I can jump."
Alas for Billy, he was standing under a
ladder when he spoke, and when he jumped
"bump" he hit his head on the topmost rung.
Quick as a flash he reached out his hand
and caught the ladder—and there he hung,
dangling in mid air with thirteen great cats


THE WISHING BOTTLE
95
meowing and spitting and yowling on the
ground just out of reach of his feet.
"This won't do—they will climb the ladder in
a moment. The wishing bottle: maybe I can
blind them with the dye." Holding on tight with
one hand, he fished the bottle out of his pocket.
"If I only had something to turn them into white
cats," he said, staring at the bottle, "maybe they
would become harmless."
And just at that minute a thought struck him so
hard that it almost knocked loose his hold on the
ladder.
"This is black dye," said he; "perhaps if I
reverse the label, it will become white dye. I'll
try it anyway."
And quick as thought he had loosened the
label and turned it upside down. Certain it is
that the contents of the bottle changed to a snow-
white on the instant.
Out came the cork. "Blub—blub—gog—gur-
gle, splash," and the cats were drenched with the
liquid. "Pouf," and where Billy had seen thir-
teen black cats appeared thirteen snow-white
ones.
The cats looked at one another in astonishment


96.
BILLY BOUNCE
for a moment, and then forgetting all about Billy,
began to flog one another with their nine tails.
"White ca-a-a-a-at—meow—flog him out of
town," and off they went flogging each other mer-
cilessly, each one thinking that he was the only
black cat in the whole town and determined to
beat the strangers out of Superstitionberg.
"There's some good in hair dye after all,"
laughed Billy, and dropping to the ground, he
stepped from under the ladder, leaped into the
air, and bade farewell to Superstitionberg for
ever and ever.


CHAPTER VIII.
GAMMON AND SPINACH.
BILLY didn't know how long he had been
sleeping when he was awakened by a loud
galloping.
"Who in the world can be riding through the
forest so fast and furiously at this time of the
night?" he exclaimed to himself. "I hope it's no
one after me. I want to go to sleep."
"Thunder—col-lop—col-lop—col-lop," came
the hoof beats nearer and nearer, "clop—clop,
clop—clap—clap," and the gallop had changed
into a trot. Nearer and yet nearer came the
sound.
"It's coming here sure enough. I must get up
and meet him, whoever he is," but when Billy tried
to move he found himself bound hand and foot.
"Well, this is a fine how-de-do," he said, after
vain attempts to release himself.


BILLY BOUNCE
"How-de-do," said a little voice in his ear.
"Who are you ?" asked Billy, in surprise.
"I'd really like to tell you, but if I did,
you'd know, you know." So saying, a little
figure jumped up on Billy's chest and sat there
with his face all screwed up as if he were
making fun.
"Who are you laughing at?" asked Billy.
"Oh! what a good spring board you make,"
said the little man, jumping up and down on
Billy's chest. And the rubber suit did make a
fine jumping place for him.
*' I asked you a question," said Billy, indig-
nantly.
"That's not my fault."
"Aren't you going to answer me?"
"Give it up; try me with another," said the
little man.
"Another what? " asked Billy.
"Another question of course, and if I can't
answer that you owe me two forfeits—by the way
how many does that make?"
"What?"
"Two forfeits—does it make eight feet or four
fore feet?"



The Night Mare and the Dream Food Sprites.—Page 101.


THE NEW YORK
HELIC LIBRARY


GAMMON AND SPINACH
IOI
said the Night Mare. "I'll put him to the
rack, never fear."
"Then tie yourself to the Singing Tree while
the rest of us are playing."
"I don't want to be tied," said the Night
Mare sulkily.
"Now do as you're told," said Gammon.
"Suppose you should run away from yourself
and leave yourself behind, how would you ever
get home?"
"Well, if I must I must," said the Mare,
wiping an oil tear from her eye.
"Come on everyone," called Gammon.
"But wait a minute," said Billy. "Who are
you? You look like good things to eat."
"Who are we? We're bad things to eat,"
and joining hands in a circle about Billy they
began to dance and sing.
THE SONG OF THE DREAM FOOD SPRITES.
Cream food, scream food,
We are the things for dream food;
Moan food and groan food,
Any of us alone would
Fill the tummy of one small boy,
And give him dreams — oh! joy, oh! joy.


102
BILLY BOUNCE
Puddings and pies and cakes and jam,
Turkey and fish and meat and ham,
Candy and carrots and plums and lamb,
Boys will eat and stuff and cram.
We are the things,
We are the things,
The things that dreams are made of.
And as they sang "Fill the tummy of one
small boy," they dropped hands, formed a
long line, and one by one leaped on to Billy's
stomach, bounded into the air, turned a double
somersault and landed, laughing and shouting,
on the ground on the other side, for all the
world like acrobats in the circus.
"Please let me try," said Night Mare. "I
promise not to run away."
"Oh! no, no, no," cried Billy. "Night Mare
will kill me."
"That's a good idea," said Gammon; " shall
we?"
"Not yet," answered Spinach; "I want to have
some more fun before that happens."
"So do we all," cried the others.
"Oh! pshaw," said Night Mare, "you never
let me have any fun — I don't know why
I brought you here."


GAMMON AND SPINACH
103
"Why we brought you, you mean," said
Gammon. "If it wasn't for us you'd stay in
your stall all night."
"Excuse me—I forgot," said Night Mare
humbly.
"Well, don't be ungrateful, that's all," said
Spinach severely. "Some people never know
when they're badly off."
Gammon had perched himself again on
Billy's chest.
"Why don't you get up and go to Bogie
Man?" he laughed, trying to poke his fingers in
Billy's eye.
"I can't, I'm tied," said Billy.
"Time and tide wait for no man," said Gam-
mon; "of course you're not time but you're tied."
"I don't see why everybody tries to keep me
from seeing Bogie Man," said Billy.
"Because you want to see him," said Gammon.
"That's no reason," said Billy.
"Certainly not—there's no reason about any
of us, most of all Bogie Man. You know the
old proverb says—
'He that will not when he may
Will live to fight another day.'


104
BILLY BOUNCE
I suppose you would say there was no reason
to that."
"I certainly should," said Billy.
"And there you are wrong," answered Gam-
mon; "there is a reason for all things, only some
things have lost their reason."
"Now you've contradicted yourself," said Billy;
"you just said that there was no reason about
any of you."
"I have a perfect right to contradict myself
—it's only rude to contradict other people."
"But which is correct?"
"Both."
"How can they both be correct?"
"I don't know, but they are—but my, my,
we're wasting time—we've got to dispose of you
before morning."
"Why before morning?" asked Billy. "I'm in
no hurry."
"You never are," said Gammon. "Night
Mare, are you ready for your ride?"
"Yes, I will have to start now if I am to
have any kind of a canter before the cock
crows."
"Good!" whispered Billy to himself. "I wonder


GAMMON AND SPINACH
if I can still crow. It's worth trying, anyway—
Cock-a-doodle-do!" And snap, the Night Mare,
had broken her hitching-strap and was off in a
jiffy with Gammon and Spinach and all the
other dream sprites running pell-mell after her
as fast as they could go.
Billy shook himself; sat up, to prove that he
was no longer tied down; lay back, rolled over,
and in a minute was sound asleep.
When Billy woke up the next morning he
felt stiff and sore from being tied down so long
by Gammon, and very heavy about the eyes
from his lack of sleep.
"I don't feel very hungry this morning,
Singing Tree," he said; "I think I'll save my
appetite for to-night. May I have some
eggs?"
No sooner said than done—
"Higglepy, Piggleby,
My black hen,
She lays eggs
For gentlemen:
Sometimes nine
And sometimes ten,
Higglepy, Piggleby,
My black hen!"


BILLY BOUNCE
"Perhaps not at the time—but I thought of it
afterwards and said—so I haf saved his life.
Now can you say I did not?"
"I think I'd rather not say," said Billy.
"As you vish—but here," and Gehsundheit
struck an attitude and pointed to his heart,
"here I haf de satisfaction of knowing dat I am
a brave hero and a great magician."
"Well, if you're pleased," said Billy, "that's
something."
"You are right," said Gehsundheit, bowing
low; "to be pleased vit oneself iss enough. But
I accept your apology."
"What apology?"
"When you said Gehsundheit, you are a brave
hero. Mr. Gas shall know how pleased you are
with me."
Billy looked hard at Gehsundheit to see if he
was joking, but he looked so seriously well
pleased with himself that Billy did not have the
heart to argue further.
"And what do you want now?" said Geh-
sundheit.
"Nothing," said Billy.
"You shall haf it at once," said Gehsund-


GAMMON AND SPINACH
log
heit. "It iss a hard task you ask of me, but
you shall haf it."
"But I said nothing," said Billy.
"Exactly—but fear not "and spinning
around on one toe, waving his arms above his
head and ending by kissing his fingers, Geh-
sundheit rolled up his sleeves and said, "You
vill notice dat I haf no cuffs to deceive you
—and yet de hand is quicker as de eye—
mumbo, Jumbo, zip, boom, rah—it iss here."
And reaching out he caught a handful of air,
gravely handed it to Billy and disappeared.


CHAPTER IX.
IN SILLY LAND.
It was afternoon, and Billy was resting in
the shade of the Singing Tree while Barker
played about at his side. He was laughing
softly to himself over his experience with
Gehsundheit that morning. "He's a funny
little fellow — calls himself a hero. Hal hal
ha!"
"Woof, woof, woof!" said Barker, and Billy
looked up just in time to see him rush madly
at a man and try to bury his teeth in his leg.
I say try, because if there was ever a surprised
dog in all the world that dog was Barker.
Billy could hear his teeth grit and scrape on
the man's leg, but he made no more impres-
sion on it than if it had been made of stone;
and that's not strange, because it was stone.
Barker opened his jaws, ran back a few feet,



The Aztec Fragments: His Terics and Her Terics.
and he and his sister burst into gales of
laughter.
"Sometimes, when he's hungry," said Billy,
knowing that they were making fun of him;
"but he's not very fond of stone legs."
"He-he! that's funny. He ought to eat stone;
it would give him grit."
"I don't see anything funny about that."
"Neither do I, but it is silly, isn't it?" said
the man, and he and his sister giggled harder
than ever.
"Well, of all the Sillies I ever saw," said
Billy in disgust.


IN SILLY LAND
113
"Sill^ is as silly does, in Silly Land," said
the Fragment; and again he and Her Terics
laughed until Billy thought their stone sides
would crack.
"Look out," said he, "you'll burst."
"We've already bursted," said His Terics.
"Where?"
"We've bursted into laughter of course. He-
he-my-my, but isn't that a good joke?"
"You enjoy your own jokes, don't you?"
said Billy, trying to be sarcastic.
"So would you if you could make them—I
was just cut out for a joker—he-he-he."
"/ should say that you were just plain
foolish," said Billy. "Why do you laugh so at
nothing?"
"Because we've just brains enough to be
silly, and of course we have to laugh at every-
thing whether its anything or nothing—isn't
that so, Her?"
"Yes," said the girl. "He-he-he."
"For goodness' sake stop giggling," said Billy;,
"you set my teeth on edge."
"He-he-ho-ho, that's good," cried His Terics,
"but suppose they weren't on edge and lay flat


»4
BILLY BOUNCE
in your mouth, you would have to lie on your
side to chew. He-he-he."
"Stop it," said Billy, "I'm so nervous now I
could jump out of my skin."
"Oh, do" laughed both of them, "please do;
that would be awfully funny!"
"He-he-he! Yes," said His Terics, "then
you would be beside yourself, wouldn't you?"
"Well, I can't waste time with you any longer,
I'm going."
"You think you're going but you're not—
he-he-he," said His Terics.
"I'll show you."
"Oh! no—he-he-he oh! no, but you'll not,
you know—he-he-he," said both of them, sud-
denly throwing their arms around his neck.
Billy fought and squirmed and kicked, but
of course as the Fragments were stone they
easily held him down, nor could he make
any impression on them with his heels or
fists.
"Oh! don't go—please don't go," said His
Terics; "I really shouldn't go if I were you—
he-he-he."
"That's all right," panted Billy, "you've got


IN SILLY LAND
US
me now, but remember that he who laughs
last laughs best."
"I know that," said His Terics, "because I
laughed last and it was the best I've had in
a long time."
"Let me go," said Billy, "I've a message to
deliver to Bogie Man."
"That's the reason we're here," said His
Terics, "but we will take the message—he-he-
he, oh! Yes, we will take the message."
"I have to deliver it myself—and besides I
don't believe you'd take it to him anyway."
"Of course not—we'd take it, but just out
of your pocket—he-he-he-he! ho-ho!"
"Oh! here comes the Gillies," cried Her
Terics. "Now we will have some fun."
Billy looked in the direction in which she
pointed and saw three very, very stupid look-
ing fellows slouching toward them.
When the Gillies got up to where Billy and
the Fragments stood, they stopped, and without
looking up one of them said:
"Do you know where His Terics and Her
Terics are?"
"Here we are," cried His Terics, "at least


u6
BILLY BOUNCE
we think we're here, if we're not won't you go
find us and then come back and tell us
where we're to be found—he-he-he."
"Why, so you are," cried the first speaker.
"I didn't think to look."
"Who are these people?" asked Billy.
"Gillies," explained His Terics—"Big Gillie,
Silly Gillie, and Dottie Gillie."
"You don't happen to know whether or
no the moon is made of green cheese, do you,
boy?" asked Big Gillie.
"Of course it's not," said Billy.
"Thank you—you're sure I suppose."
"Certainly."
"My, my, my, the poor man in the moon—
I wonder what he eats," and Big Gillie began
to weep.
"There is no man in the moon," said Billy.
"No man in the moon!" cried all the
Gillies and all the Aztecs in one breath.
"No."
"Wicked boy," said His Terics. "We were
warned by Nickel Plate that you didn't believe
in your Mother Goose, but we didn't think it
would be this bad."


IN1 SILLY LAND
"7
"What is the harm if I don't believe in such
things?" asked Billy.
"Why if all the children in the world stopped
believing in wicked giants, and Bogie Man,
and witches and bad things generally, they
would have to go to work and earn an honest
living," said His Terics.
"What do they do now?"
"They all have more business than they can
attend to frightening children. It's very easy
work, and most amusing to make little children
shiver and shake and cry, especially when we
all know that there never was one of the
wicked ones that could really hurt anyone that
is not afraid. But my, my! I'm divulging
state secrets — that's what comes of trying
to be serious," and His Terics grinned
sadly.
"What shall we do with the boy?" asked
Silly Gillie.
"Tie his feet together and make him run
himself to death," suggested Dottie Gillie.
"How could I run if my feet were tied?"
asked Billy.
"I don't know," said Dottie, "that's why I


n8 BILLY BOUNCE
suggested it—there is nothing like finding out
for certain."
"I know," said Her Terics, "make him laugh
at your jokes, brother; that will be an awful pun-
ishment—he-he-he."
"Or yours," said His Terics ; "that would be
worse. No, we will tie him out here for a year and
let him think things over; then if he promises to
go straight home we will let him go."
"But I'd starve," said Billy.
"Don't be obstinate," said Silly Gillie, "or
we'll make it two years."
"Hand me the rope," said His Terics.
"Which one of us has it?" said the Big
Gillie; "have you, brother, or you?"
"I don't know, have we?" said the other two.
"I don't know, I'm sure," said the big one,
"maybe I have it." At that each one began to
search in the others' pockets for the rope.
"Not in your pockets, you Gillies," said Her
Terics. "He-he-he, how funny!" said His Ter-
ics, "not in your pockets."
"Well, it might have been, you never can
tell," said Big Gillie. "I don't believe any of
us has it; hold this," handing his coil of rope to


IN SILLY LAND
his brother, "while I hunt in my hat." The
other Gillies took the rope and stood looking
at their brother while he took his hat off his
head and tore the lining out.
"There—you two are holding it," said His
Terics, almost beside himself. "You, Big Gillie,
just handed it to your brother."
"So you did—what a coincidence!" said they.
"Why of course," said Big Gillie, "how
foolish of you! I knew all the time that /
didn't have it."
"Now tie him tight," said His Terics.
"We'll do that," answered Big Gillie, and in
a jiffy they had tied, not Billy at all, but His
Terics and Her Terics, though they still held
Billy.
"Oh! you Gillies," cried His Terics, "can't
you see you've tied up the wrong persons?"
"How strange!" said the Gillies, letting go
of Billy in their surprise.
"Now is my chance," thought Billy, and
stepped away to get room for his jump.
"Safe," he had just said to himself, when he
found himself caught by his collar.
"Not yet, my fine fellow," said a voice. "Ha-


120
BILLY BOUNCE
ha, so it is you," said Nickel Plate, tapping his
boots with the limber cane he carried.
"Nickel Plate," cried Billy.
"Nickel Plate," cried the Aztec Fragments
and the Gillies.
"Foiled—foiled again," he hissed between his
teeth; "then you recognize me—tell—a—me—
do you?"
"Of course," said Billy.
"He recognizes me in spite of my disguise—
strange—strange," said Nickel Plate.
"Oh! are you disguised?" asked Billy.
"Sh-h-h, not so loud. Yes, completely dis-
guised—even an utter stranger would not know
me—I have changed my mind."
"Wonderful!" said Big Gillie; "if we had not
seen your face and figure we should never have
known you."
"Ha-ha, you see?" said Nickel Plate, shaking
Billy.
"Yes sir," said Billy.
"He-he-he," laughed Her Terics, "how
funny!"
"Isn't it silly?" said His Terics.
"What?" asked the others.


IN SILLy LAND
121
"I just happened to think of a joke about a
mind."
"What is it?" asked Nickel Plate, "and look
sharp because we're wasting time."
"Never mind — he-he-he," and Her Terics
threw back her head and laughed aloud.
"Enough," thundered Nickel Plate — "boy,
where are those papers?"
"What papers, sir," asked Billy.
"The note, base varlet—the note, or by me
halidom"
"The note for Bogie Man?" interrupted Billy.
"Yes, but why in the world did you interrupt
me?" said Nickel Plate, pettishly. "I've been
studying that speech for a week, and now
you've put it out of my head."
"Where did he put it? I'll find it," said Big
Gillie, looking on the ground.
"He-he-he," laughed the Aztecs.
"I'm sorry, sir," began Billy.
"It's all very well to say you're sorry, but I
know you're glad you're sorry. The note, give
it to me."
"I can't, sir," said Billy.
"You dare to refuse?"


BILLY BOUNCE
"I'm sorry, sir"
"Don't use that word again; give me the
note," said Nickel Plate.
"I can't, sir, it is addressed to Bogie Man,
and I must carry it to him."
"Ah! but I have learned that in delivering
it you would betray us. I must have it back.
Besides it is not needed, Honey Girl is in me
power, ha-ha!"
Billy's heart sank way, way down into his
boots.
"You have captured Honey Girl?" he asked
in a trembling voice.
"Yes, even now she languishes in a donjon
cell, ha-ha. To-morrow she goes to work in
the factory, while Glucose takes her place in the
Queen Bee Palace."
"You villain," cried Billy.
"Thank you, thank you most kindly, me boy,
not only a villain, but a polished villain."
"She won't stay there long after I have seen
Bogie Man."
Nickel Plate snapped his fingers in Billy's
face. "That for you, I do not fear your
threats, I have you in me power now."


IN SILLY LAND
123
"That for you," cried all the Aztecs and the
Gillies, snapping their fingers and treading on
Billy's toes, just to show that they didn't
fear him.
"The note—the note, or I shall strike you to
the gr-r-ound," cried Nickel Plate, and raising
his cane he stepped back to strike. But it was
a fatal step, for he stumbled over Big Gillie and
fell flat on his back. In falling he let go of
Billy's collar, and you may be sure Billy didn't
waste any time in jumping up and away.
"Catch him," cried Nickel Plate.
"Certainly," cried the Gillies, stumbling over
each other.
"Certainly," cried His Terics and Her Terics,
stumbling over the Gillies and falling plump
onto Nickel Plate. And you can well imagine
that it was not a very light fall.
"Ugh!" groaned Nickel Plate.
"How funny. He-he-he," laughed the Frag-
ments, rolling over and over on Nickel Plate.
"'Rah! 'rah! rah!" cried Billy, and floated
away.


CHAPTER X.
SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL.
NOW, although Billy felt very happy indeed
to have escaped Nickel Plate, the Aztec Frag-
ments, and the Gillies, he was very much
worried about Honey Girl. And as he floated
along through the air he pictured her weeping
in her lonely cell.
"I wonder if Nickel Plate told me the truth,"
he said to himself, "and if he did, what hap-
pened to good old General Merchandise and
the Bee Soldiers. I wish I knew."
"Hello!" called a voice in his ear. He
looked around but could see no one. "That's
strange," he said.
"Hello!! Is that Billy Bounce?"
"Yes. Who are you and where are you?"
said Billy, in amaze.
"I am Mr. Gas and I'm at home," said the voice.


SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL
"Then where am I?" said Billy, thinking he
had suddenly lost his mind.
"You're wherever you are," said Mr. Gas's
voice. "I'm talking to you over the wireless
telephone—less telephone."
"Oh!" said Billy, "how wonderful!"
"You wanted to find out about Princess
Honey Girl, I believe."
"Yes, sir."
"Don't worry about her, she is perfectly safe
—I have my eye on her as well as on you.
How are you getting along?"
"Very well, thank you—but I suppose I'm
still a long way off from Bogie Man's house?"
"You are nearer than you were when you
were not so near as you are now, so keep
afloat and you will get there all right."
"Thank you," said Billy; "I'll try."
"Well, good-bye—I thought I would ease
your mind a bit—the suit can't carry you and
a heavy heart very fast nor far, you know."
"Thank you," said Billy, "good-bye."
"Now I feel lighter hearted," he said, and sure
enough instead of falling (which he had just
begun to do) he rose several feet in the air.


SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL
137
"I suppose so," said Billy thoughtfully; "but
then, you see, I've never had to do it for a
living."
"Then don't ever take it up. I've been at
it all my life, and I'm very tired; why, I've
almost forgotten how to climb trees. What's
your name?"
"Billy Bounce."
"So you're Billy Bounce. I'm Ne'er Do
Eel," and though he smiled, the eel looked
very, very sly.
"How do you do?" said Billy politely.
"I don't do; that's the reason I'm called
Ne'er Do Eel."
"Oh!" said Billy, "then how don't you do?"
"Pretty badly, I don't thank you. But come,
you must hear me sing; this song was discom-
posed by the whistling Buoy, set to music by
Sand Bars, and dedicated to me," and balanc-
ing himself on a large wave, the eel began to
sing in a sad voice.
THE SONG OF THE NE'ER DO EEL.
The Ne'er Do Eel raised his dreamy eye
And said, with a ponderous, weary sigh,


128
BILLY BOUNCE
I'd really, yes, really try to try,
But I'm tired to-day—let's go and lie
In the cool sweet shade of an apple pie,
And think of the which and what and why.
Oh! why is the whatness of which and when;
If then were now what would be then?
Because and but—oh! what's the use.
"To-morrow will do," is my excuse.
"How's that?" said Ne'er Do Eel when he
had finished.
"Very pretty," said Billy, "but is it—is it
very sensible?"
"I really don't know—nobody ever under-
stands it, so of course it must be very fine."
"I suppose so," said Billy, wondering if
Ne'er Do Eel was quite in his right mind.
"Come in, the water's fine," called a funny,
bristly little fellow popping his head up beside
Ne'er Do Eel.
"No, thank you," said Billy, not wishing to join
company with such a prickly looking individual.
"Aw! come on—see, it's only so deep," and
he held up one hand.
"You're treading water," said Billy.
"How did you guess it?" asked the Sea
Urchin.


SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL
139
"I can see your feet."
"So can I see your feet, but you're not
treading water."
"That has nothing to do with it," said Billy.
"Just what I'm trying to prove to you," said
the Urchin. "Are you coming in, or shall I
have to come out and get you?"
"Neither," said Billy, jumping up very, very
hard, because he knew it would take a long
leap to carry him over the sea. "Good-bye."
"I suppose they are harmless," said Billy to
himself, "but I'm glad enough to be away from
them—that eel looks like a slippery old fellow
and the Urchin has a bad face."
Up, up, up he went, floated forward quite a
distance, stopped just a second, and then began
to fall.
"I believe I am going to make it," he began,
and then looked beneath him. Alas! poor Billy,
the shore was yet far distant, and he knew that
he was bound to fall into the sea.
How he did kick and wave his arms I He
even tried to swim through the air, but, though
this helped him a little, it didn't carry him far
enough forward to reach the shore.


13°
BILLY BOUNCE
"Thank goodness I have on my rubber suit;
I can't sink anyway," said he. And splash he
hit the water, where he bobbed up and down
like a cork.
But his troubles were not yet over, for he
was horrified to see Ne'er Do Eel and the Sea
Urchin swimming along at his side.
"So you decided to drop in on us after all,"
said the Urchin.
"Have you chosen a life on the bouncing
wave as a profession?" asked Ne'er Do Eel,
"in spite of my warning that you would do well
to bid farewell to well-faring if you chose sea-
faring?"
"Yelp, yelp!" said Barker, climbing up onto
Billy's shoulder, where he stood shivering mis-
erably.
"What's that thing?" asked the Sea Urchin.
'My dog," said Billy.
"Don't tell me that's a dog fish," said Ne'er
Do Eel, "because I'll never believe you."
"You don't have to," answered Billy, "be-
cause he is not a dog fish, he's a dog."
"Oh, you mean a fish dog! You're sure he's
not a bird dog—a flying fish dog, you know?"


SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL 131
"No, just a plain dog."
"He's plain enough, goodness knows—but a
dog—humph!"
'Who ever heard of a dog without fins?"
said the urchin; "why, it's ridiculous."
"I expect there are lots of things you never
heard of." It made Billy angry to have his
word doubted, especially when there was Barker
to prove them true.
"Ridiculous," said Ne'er Do Eel. "How can
we help seeing everything in the sea? He who
sees seas sees everything in season."
Billy didn't think this worth answering, so he
redoubled his efforts to reach the shore. My!
how he did make the water boil, dashing spray
way over his head, and making poor Barker
blink with the water he dashed into his eyes.
"With a little practice you might learn to
swim," said the Urchin, "but you make lots of
fuss in the water."
"So would you on dry land," panted Billy.
"But we wouldn't be so silly as to go on
dry land," said the eel.
"I suppose that's as much as to say that it's
silly of me to come into the sea."


132
BILLY BOUNCE
"Take it or leave it—if the white cap fits you
don't put it on," said the Urchin, turning a
somersault in the water.
"Where are you going?" asked Ne'er Do
Eel.
"Yes, you seem in a great hurry," said the
Urchin.
"I'm going ashore as fast as I can," said
Billy.
"That's your first guess—try another," said
the eel, sticking his face up into Billy's.
"I don't guess it, I know it," answered Billy,
striving to keep his courage up.
"No, is the right answer," said the Sea
Urchin.
"Why shouldn't I go ashore?"
"Just because," replied the Eel, "oh! gracious
what a sad world it is—here's a boy that thinks
he knows."
"But how are you going to prevent it?"
said Billy. "I'm not afraid of you."
"We will prevent it this way," said Ne'er
Do Eel, winding his tail around Billy's legs.
"And this way," said the Sea Urchin, pricking
a hole in Billy's suit with one of his bristles.


SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL
135
"I don't know. Who is your friend with a
face like a hair-brush?"
"That's Sea Urchin, and he is trying to drown
me.
"You must not do that, you know," said
Umberufen, "it's very wrong." Then turning to
Billy he whispered, "Leave him to me; I'll give
him a good talking to."
"That's all you can do," said Billy desper-
ately—"talk, talk, talk! I don't want words, I
want help."
"Come down, come down. Oh! why be so
obstinate?" cried the Eel, lashing the water.
"Gentlemen," said Umberufen, sticking one
hand in the breast of his coat and bowing very
low—almost too low, for just at that moment
the plank twisted and he came very near going
overboard—"gentlemen, you are doing very,
very wrong."
"Bravo!" cried the Sea Urchin, "thank you
for the compliment."
"Stop it and get away," cried Billy.
"Ingrate," cried Umberufen, "can't you see
that already I have won their hearts—did you
not hear the applause?"


136
BILLY BOUNCE
"Of course I did," said Billy, "but it's only
because they want to keep you here so that
they can pull me down. But if you really
want to help me, for goodness' sake pump me
up and stop the leak in my suit."
"I wish I could," said Umberufen; "but I
am not a mechanic, I am a thinker."
"You're a nuisance "but just at that
minute Billy's feet touched bottom. Looking
up he found that in the excitement of the
events he had drifted within a few feet of
shore. Splash, dash, curl bingl and a wave
had carried him well ashore. Ne'er Do Eel
let go his hold when he saw the case was
hopeless, and he and sea Urchin bobbed about
on the waves, shaking their fists and gnashing
their teeth in despair at having lost him.
"Ugh!" cried Umberufen, "I told you I'd
get wet helping you," and there stood the mis-
erable little man soaked through and through.
"I warned you," said Billy.
"I—I—I kn-n-ow you-u-u d-d-did," said
Umberufen, his teeth chattering, "but I stood
to my post like a man—that's what comes of
being brave and brainy. Good-bye. I'm


SEA URCHIN AND NE'ER DO EEL
137
going home to change my clothes," and away
he went.
"Good-bye, Ne'er Do Eel and Sea Urchin,"
called Billy, running up the beach. "Death
on the bounding wave isn't as easy as you
thought, is it?"


CHAPTER XL
IN DERBY TOWN.
POOR Billy was in despair over his punctured
suit. It is a good thing he had no mirror to
see how like a broken toy balloon he looked,
or he would have felt even worse. He tried
pumping it up with his hot air pump, but it was
no use—sizz-z, the air came right out of the
hole. "If I had just thought to bring some
bicycle tire tape," he said, examining the punc-
ture carefully, "or if I had some gum."
When he said this Barker ran up to him,
and laying his head in his lap, looked up at
him knowingly. "What is it, old doggie—do you
feel sorry too? I'm sure I don't know what is
to become of us; we shall have to walk now.
Of course we still have the Singing Tree. That's
so, the tree—do you suppose you could bark
up any other kind of tree? A gum tree—



IN DERBY TOWN 139
1
but how?" Barker nodded his head and
wagged his tail, as much as to say, "Of course
I can; just try me."
"I have it!" cried Billy, and tearing in two
pieces the pocket-handkerchief that Gehsund-
heit had given him, he carefully wrapped and
tied one half of it over Barker's lower set of
teeth, and the other half over his upper set.
It was a tedious operation, but finally Barker
stood before him with his teeth all hidden and
nothing but his gums exposed. Barker didn't
mind, indeed he seemed to know just what
Billy was about, and capered and danced with
glee.
• "Now we will see what a gum bark will
grow into," said Billy, quickly digging a hole.
Over to it ran Barker and stood holding his
nose down—pinch. "Wow—wow," went the
dog, a muffled bark, for all the world like a
toothless old man trying to talk. In a jiffy
the dirt was shoveled in and up sprang—a
gum tree. Yes, there instead of the Singing
Tree stood a gum tree, its branches laden
with "Yucatan," and "Pepsin," and "Tutti
Frutti."


140 BILLY BOUNCE
"Hurrah!" cried Billy, shaking down package
after package of gum. And popping a great
piece into his rrouth he chewed away for dear
life. Quickly he spread the soft, sticky mass
over a piece of cloth snipped from the lining
of his jacket anc pressed the whole thing over
the puncture. It stuck as close and as tight as
wall-paper, and Billy knew that he was indeed
repaired.
"Chug-ff—chug-ff—chug-ff—squee-ee!" went
the hot air pump, and there stood Billy as
round and fat as ever with never a leak in his
suit.
"Thank you, Barker, old boy," said Billy,
patting Barker's head and taking the handker-
chief out of his mouth.
"And now we must be off." So saying he
tucked the Dog under his arm and jumped up
and away.
Far, far away they sailed. The gum seemed
to have given the suit new life—and why
shouldn't magic gum improve a magic suit?
It seemed to Billy that this jump was by far
the longest he had ever taken.
Indeed, he felt so very happy that he com-



He saw flying to meet bim several shaggy bears. —Page 141.


THE NEW YORK
.UBLIC LIBRARY


BILLY BOUNCE
seen many dancing bears, but I've never until
now laid my eyes on flying ones."
"We're Bugbears, if that's what you want to
know," said the bear in a surly voice.
"Thank you," said Billy, smiling in hopes
that by being very, very polite and pleasant
himself he could improve their temper.
"Save your thanks, they are not wanted."
"My goodness, you're as cross as"
"A bear," interrupted the Big Bear, "exactly,
and I'm proud of it. What's the good of being
polite—tell the truth, I say, no matter whom
it hurts."
"I'm sure that the truth is always best," said Billy.
"It's not," said the bear; "never tell it if it
doesn't hurt. Under those circumstances, I say,
tell a bear faced lie."
"You haven't a very sweet disposition, have
you?"
"No, thank goodness, I haven't—what would
a Bug Bear do with a sweet disposition unless
he could eat it?"
"I don't know," said Billy.
"Of course you don't—nobody ever said you
did—boys don't know anything."


IN DERBY TOWN
143
"Here we are," cried the Little Bug Bear. And
sure enough, they were standing in the strangest
of strange looking towns. Every house and
every building was covered with an enormous
derby hat, while the windows and doors were
so arranged that at a little distance they looked
like the eyes and nose and mouth of a face.
"Where are we?" asked Billy, looking about
him in surprise.
"Derby Town—where else do you think?"
said Big Bug Bear.
"I didn't know," said Billy.
"For goodness' sake, say something original,"
said the bear crossly. "What an idiot you
are, to be sure!"
Billy ignored this remark. He had had some
experience with cross people in his messenger
service—people who were cross for no earthly
reason but that he was a little boy—and he
had always found it better to say as little as
possible when they bullied him. Nevertheless
it made him very, very uncomfortable, and of
course the more uncomfortable he got the
more blunders he made.
"Can't you stand up — you're all feet, I


146
BILLY BOUNCE
"For once in your life you are correct—
little credit to you, though."
"But why?"
"Why what?"
"Why don't you want me to find him?"
"He's our cousin for one thing, and for
another thing, it's our business to keep people
from doing anything they want to."
"And you expect to keep me from it," asked
Billy.
"Indeed we do," said Big Bug Bear.
"How?"
"You'll find out soon enough. Now stop
your talking."
Billy shut his lips tight and walked along
with a sinking heart.
"Isn't he a sulky brat?" said Little Bug Bear,
"pouting along and not saying a word."
"But you told me to stop talking," said Billy.
"Don't be impertinent," said Big Bug Bear,
shaking him. "If you can't speak politely to
your elders you needn't speak at all."
My, my, how Billy did hate the Bug Bears for
that! Pinching and beating, anything he had
been through could not have hurt him worse


IN DERBY TOWN
147
than this treatment. The Bug Bears seemed
to know it, for they bullied him back and forth,
and forth and back until he thought he would
go crazy.
"Here we are at last," said Big Bug Bear,
stopping in front of a prison-like Derby House.
"Yes, and if this boy hadn't lagged so on the
way, we'd have been here an hour ago," said
another Bug Bear crossly. "Get in with you."
And giving Billy a push through the door, he
and the rest followed close after.
Indoors they were greeted by another Bug
Bear. Greeted is hardly the word, because that
seems to mean some kind of a smile or a
pleasant hand shake. As it was, the Bug Bear
got up sulkily from a corner where he had
been lying and grunted by way of "how do
you do."
"We've got Billy Bounce," said Big Bug Bear.
"Huh! at last — it took you long enough,
goodness knows," said the first speaker surlily.
"We didn't come here to talk," said Big Bug
Bear angrily. "Get to work."
"What are you going to do to me—kill me?"
asked Billy.


BILLY BOUNCE
"No—not if you do what you're told," said
Little Bug Bear.
"Worse than that," said Big Bug Bear.
"We're going to operate on your eyes," said
the owner of the place.
"Blind me?" cried Billy. "Oh! don't blind
me."
"Wait and see," growled Big Bug Bear.
"Oh! but I'd rather you killed me than put
my eyes out—how could I see to get around?"
"You'll be able to see to get around," said
Little Bug Bear, "but you won't be able to see
Bogie Man."
"But I must—I have a message for him.
Oh! good Mr. Bug Bear, oh! kind Mr. Bug
Bear, don't do that."
"Tell him what it is, Photographer, and stop
his noise," said Big Bug Bear, giving Billy a
shake, "and listen quietly, Billy Bounce, or I'll
give you a beating."
"I'm going to take a picture," said the
Photographer Bug Bear.
"My picture?" asked Billy relieved.
"Your picture—your picture," growled the
Photographer, "do you think I have nothing


IN DERBY TOWN
reaching out suddenly he caught hold of the
Photographer's paw—"and your claws are rub-
ber—hurrah!! hurrah!! I don't fear you now."
The Bug Bears were all so startled that they
did not make a move and before they knew it
Billy had pulled out his air-pump and was
beating them all about the head—all but Little
Bug Bear, who scuttled out of the door at the
first move Billy made.
"Oh! ohl oh! ouch! ouch! ouch!" cried the
Bug Bears, running about and trying to get to
the door, "let us go—let us go." And in a
minute Billy was all alone.
"So that's all Bug Bears amount to," he said;
"they will never frighten me again."
And walking leisurely out of the door he
jumped up and away from Derby Town and
the Bug Bears forever.


CHAPTER
XII.
o'fudge

THE next time Billy
alighted he examined
his suit with great care,
for fear his adventures
with the Bug Bears had
strained the patch over <n>e Herald.
the puncture, but to his
great delight he found that it held as tightly
as ever.
As it happened, he had stopped on a dusty
highway just outside the gates of a city.
We will call it a city because Billy later
learned that its inhabitants did so, but to
Billy's gaze it seemed but a collection of the
poorest huts.


BILLY BOUNCE
raiment—true, a trifle faded—but rich—he that
rides alone."
"Do you mean the one on the blind mare?"
"True, the mare is blind, but
that is her misfortune not her
fault—she comes of fine stock.
Yes, that is our great and noble
Comic Paper Irish King
O'Fudge."
"A Comic Paper Irish
King," said Billy.
"Is he Irish?"
"No," said the
Horn Man," not really
Irish, he's the kind of
Irish they have in
Comic Papers."
Billy was bewil-
dered — he looked

O'Fudge, the Comic Paper Irish King.


BILLY BOUNCE
"That's Lese Majesty," whispered the Herald
to Billy.
"Oh! is that his name ?"—then turning to the
King he bowed low and said, "I beg your
pardon, Your Lazy Majesty."
"Treason!" cried the company of men, spur-
ring their horses into a rapid walk. "He called
his Majesty lazy."
"I thought that was his name," said Billy.
"Mr. Herald here told me it was."
"I didn't," cried the Herald in consternation.
"Silence," said the King, riding up. "I will
hear this case, and bye, if it is true that you
hov miscalled me, it's to de lowest dongin
wid yez!"
"Indeed your Serene, Contented, Happy,
Highness, Majesty O'Fudge," said Billy, giving
him all the titles he could remember and a
few extra by way of good measure. "I meant
no disrespect."
"Hold," interrupted the King; "before we go
further we must call out the gyard to gyard
this bye—General Swash Buckler, do your dooty,
no matter how pleasant it may be."
"Ay! Ayl also I salute your Majesty," said


O'FUDGE
a fierce looking old man, saluting and riding a
few paces to the rear. Then saluting the air,
he gravely said:
"Colonel Swash Buckler—you have heard the
orders, execute them." Then turning his horse
around, he saluted the spot where he had just
been sitting. "Very good, General, I will do so
at once." Again turning his horse, he saluted
the air, saying, "Captain Swash Buckler, you
have heard the orders—execute them." Again
he turned his horse and saluted the spot where
he had just been sitting, saying, "Very good,
Colonel, I will do so at once." This time he
looked down at the ground and said, "Lieu-
tenant Swash Buckler, you have heard the
orders—execute them." Then climbing down to
the ground he saluted the saddle, "Very good,
Captain, I will do so at once." He quickly
turned on his heel and called, "Sergeant Swash
Buckler, you have heard the orders—execute
them," and saluting he said respectfully, "Very
good, Lieutenant, I will do so at once." Then
in a hoarse commanding voice he called," Private
Swash Buckler, you have heard the orders—
execute them." This time he saluted cringingly.


■ 58
BILLY BOUNCE
"Very good, Sergeant, I will do so at once,"
and marched solemnly to Billy's side, halted
and saluted, "It is done."
"How's that for quick work, me bye, and
what do ye think of me ar-rmy?" said King
O'Fudge proudly.
"Oh! is that your army—your entire army?"
asked Billy, who had watched the proceedings
with surprise and amusement.
"It is," said the King. "Sometimes it's me
sitting ar-my, but now it's me standing ar-m-y.
There has never yet been mutiny or insub-
ordination — it stands as wan man by its
King. It can move rapidly and without much
noise, and above all things it is most econom-
ical to maintain."
"I'm sure it's very fine, sir—I mean Your
Majesty," said Billy.
"And now, bye, why did ye call me, the
Irish King O'Fudge, a Lazy Majesty?"
"I meant nothing wrong, sir, but when I
said, your Honor, Mr. Herald here whispered
to me that's Lese Majesty."
"So that's the way the wind blows—Her-
ald, explain."


O'FUDGE
The Herald bent one knee, "Your High-
ness, I but explained to the fat boy that he
had committed Lese Majesty, which means
that he had insulted you—it's Latin."
"It's Latin, is it?" cried the King. "Latin,
you say? How dare you talk Latin before me
when Brogue is the court language? I fine
you a month's pay."
"But, your Majesty's pardon, I have received
no pay for two years."
"Sure," said the King, "and your salary is
$3.75 a month."
"Yes, sire," said the Herald, smiling, because
he thought the King was going to give him
all his back pay. "Yes, sire, forgive me for
reminding you."
"You are forgiven," said the King, "and
now, Gyard, search him and take from his
pockets $375."
"But your Majesty," began the Herald.
"Enough, I can't remit the fine, and if you
have the money you must pay it."
In a jiffy Private Swash Buckler had fished
$3.75 in nickels and dimes from the Herald's
pockets and handed it to the King.


BILLY BOUNCE
"And now me vartuous subjects, give three
cheers for your noble and generous king, and
we will enter the City."
"Hurrah! hurrah!" cried the people—even
the Herald gave three feeble toots on his
horn.
"Good-bye," said Billy, hoping that by this
gentle hint they would understand that he
did not desire their company any further.
Indeed he felt uneasy about the few coppers
in his own pockets in the presence of such
a free handed King.
"Not so fast, me young friend," said the
King; "you must come with us."
"Truly, your Majesty, I haven't the time,"
said Billy.
"I didn't ask you for the time," said the
King, "so whether you have it or haven't it
you'll have to take it—forward!"
And Billy found himself in the grasp of
Private Swash Buckler, and being led in the
direction of the City.
They hadn't far to go, and in spite of their
naturally slow progress with such sorry steeds,
Billy soon found himself within the gates.


O'FUDGE
161
And oh! what a place. Dirty, miry streets,
pigs every place, tumbledown, leaky roofed
houses and ragged people. And the palace
—well, Billy would never in the world have
known it for a palace if the King hadn't told
him it was. It was simply a larger, dirtier,
more tumbledown house than any of the
others, with more and fatter pigs in the
front yard.
"Bring in the prisoner, Gyard," said the
King, dismounting and picking his way up
the tottering steps.
"Prisoner," cried Billy, "what have I done
to be made a prisoner?"
"I don't know yet," said the King, "but I
will find something. We haven't had a pris-
oner for years, and now that I've got one
I'm not going to let him go again for such
a simple reason as his having done nothing
wrong—am I right, ladies and gentlemen?"
"Always right—never left," cried the retinue,
who were now entering the palace.
"I thought you would agree with me," said
the King, "but sometimes I'm left—it's a poor
ruler that doesn't work both ways—come in."


162
BILLY BOUNCE
Billy was hustled into the palace, which he
found hung with torn and faded tapestry.
The floor had not been swept or scrubbed
for years, and there did not seem to be a
solid four legged chair in the room with the
exception perhaps of the throne, which was
built entirely of Irish potatoes.
"And now," said the King, putting his
crown rakishly on one side of his head, "now
I'm prepared to open court. First, has any
one here any petitions—in writing?"
When he said this an old man hobbled
up, and kneeling with many crackings of joints
before the King, laid a paper at his feet.
"What is it?" asked the King.
"A request, sire, that my daughter"
"Refused," said O'Fudge. "Who's next,
please—leave the papers."
"But, sire"
"I positively must refuse, but I thank you
for the petition; me crown is a bit too large
for comfort," and folding the paper into a strip
he placed it in his crown, which he put on
with much satisfaction.
"So that's over with—bring the bye before me."


O'FUDGE
163
"He is here, sire," said Private Swash
Buckler, leading Billy before the throne.
"Kneel, boy."
"What's your name?" said the King.
"Billy Bounce," said Billy.
And what a shout and roar went up from
the company—even the King jumped to his
feet in his excitement and threw his crown
into the air.
"Billy Bounce!" they cried, "Billy Bounce
—we've caught Billy Bounce!"
"What a good day's work!" cried the King
—"$3-75 bom the Herald and $5.99 from
Bumbus for catching Billy Bounce."
"But, your Majesty—" began Billy.
"Don't talk to me," interrupted the King,
"unless you can offer #6.00 to be set free."
"Alas! I haven't that much," said Billy.
"Too bad—too bad," said O'Fudge; "and
now I suppose I'll have to off with your
head."
"Oh! sir—please, please don't!" cried Billy,
struggling with Swash Buckler.
"Don't lose your head," said the King,
"because I want to have it chopped off."


O'FUDGE
"I don't want to keep him here, or he will
eat me out of house and home—I know what
boys are."
"Let me go, your Majesty!" cried Billy
hopefully.
"And lose $5.99—twice the national debt—
oh! no. Has anyone else any suggestions to
make?"
"Let me cast his horoscope again, sire—
maybe the stars will show us a way out,"
said the Astrologer.
"Good," said O'Fudge, "begin at once."
"By daylight?"
"Why, of course, you can see better by day
—do not argue but away."
And off the Astrologer trotted, shaking his
head in perplexity.
Billy felt Barker stirring uneasily in his
pocket, and in order to shift his position took
him out into his arms.
As soon as O'Fudge saw him he said: "Ho!
a dog—this changes things. Astrologer, include
the Dog star in your calculations."
Billy had been idly scraping his foot on the
dirty floor, so that he really had made a little


i68
BILLY BOUNCE
he found it much too large for Baby Bunting.
However that may be, Billy jumped into it in
a jiffy and found that it fitted him to perfec-
tion. And what a fine time Barker had with
it! He crouched low, and then with yelps
of delight jumped up and down on Billy's
legs. He was playing that he had sighted a
great big rabbit, and Billy joined in by run-
ning around the tree and back and forth with
Barker in hot pursuit. Finally Billy stowed
him away warmly inside and doggy went
sound asleep, very, very much contented. Then
with a leap Billy was off.
Billy had not been away from the earth
very long when a snowflake lit on his nose
—then another and another, until they came
down so thick and fast that he could not see
a foot ahead of him, which wasn't strange, for
his feet were under him.
"My, my," he said, laughing, "Mother Goose
must be picking a whole flock of geese to-
day—gracious, I'm glad dear old Singing Tree
gave me this nice suit; it's as warm as toast
and keeps out the snow better than a whole
store full of umbrellas and mackintoshes."


BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS 169
And the snow fell thicker and faster, while
it grew colder and colder, but Billy didn't
mind that for he was nice and warm. Then
the snow suddenly stopped, and looking
beneath him Billy saw a great white field of
snow with here and there mountains of ice
and occasional patches of blue, cold-looking
water. And there by the water's edge sat a
white bear: indeed he seemed almost to be
sitting in the water, so close to the edge
was he, his face turned toward the land. As
soon as Billy struck the ground, which he
did within a few feet of the bear, he
recognized him as an old, old friend, Fuzzy
White.
"Why, hello Fuzzy White, what are you doing
here?"
"Fishing," said Fuzzy, "don't talk, please,
I've just had a nibble."
"Where's your line," asked Billy in surprise,
for he couldn't see any line or pole, and cer-
tainly Fuzzy was not faced the right way for
fishing so far as Billy could see.
"Sh! h-," said Fuzzy, raising a paw in warn-
ing, "there I've got him," and turning around


BILLY BOUNCE
quickly he showed a can of sardines clinging
tightly to his button of a tail.
"Is that your line?" asked Billy.
"Certainly, line, bait, and pole—it gets cold
sometimes hanging one's tail in the water for
an hour or two, but one must eat."
"But that's a can of sardines," said Billy.
"Yes, and I hope they are the best French,
with pure olive oil. This isn't a good season
for the fine sardine cans to bite; though the
big Maine Mustard variety are very easy to
catch—ah-h-h, these are the good ones." And
Fuzzy with great eagerness opened the can
with his claw and gulped down the contents.
"Do you really catch canned sardines?"
"Of course—I can't bear raw fish, I suppose
that's from living in civilization so long. I
find that a little lemon juice on my tail
makes the canned varieties bite splendidly."
"How wonderful," murmured Billy.
"Well, well, Billy Bounce, what have you
been doing with yourself since I saw you last?
How you've grown.
"I've been pretty well, I thank you—what
are you doing now?"


BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS 171
"Nothing much," said Fuzzy sadly. "I came
up here to go in the ice business, but I found
that old Boreas was the ice man and had a
corner on the market, so I'm just looking about
for something to turn up. What are you doing?"
"I'm carrying a message to Bogie Man,"
said Billy.
"You're nearly there then," said Fuzzy, point-
ing out over the ice fields, "it's just beyond
Aurora Borealis and back again ten thousand
miles."
"Back again ten thousand miles—isn't that
pretty far?"
"Not very, they are imaginary miles, much
shorter than the regular kind."
"Who is that whistling?" interrupted Billy.
"That's old Boreas—he must have just made
a good deal in ice and is whistling over it—
by the way, he's a good friend to Bogie Man
and Nickel Plate."
"Then he's no friend of mine."
"I shouldn't fear him," said Fuzzy, "he's a
fearful blow-hard, and though he's certainly
cold blooded, he makes more noise than any-
thing else."


172 BILLY BOUNCE
"Talking about me, were you?" said Boreas,
arriving in a swirl of snow and clicking the ice
tongs he held in his hand.
"We—we merely mentioned your name," said
Billy, trying to turn his back on him. But that
was useless, for old Boreas faced him which-
ever way he turned.
"You can't escape me that way," and he
threw a handful of snow in Billy's face.
"Stop itl" cried Billy, "it's no joke to treat
a fellow this way."
"Of course it is," said Boreas, jumping over
Billy's head.
"Is what?" asked Billy.
"Snow joke, of course—I feel frisky this
morning and I must have my joke."
"You're always frisky," said Fuzzy White
sulkily.
"Who wouldn't be—I just exchanged my old
bicycle for an icicle this morning and it works
like a charm," said Boreas.
"I suppose you travel rather fast," said Billy,
hoping to keep his mind off of Nickel Plate
and Bogie Man.
"Fast," answered Boreas, puffing his chest way


THE NEW YORK
PUBLIC LIBRARY


BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS
173
out, "fast—why, while you are jumping three
miles, I will have run a hundred."
"That's blowing," murmured Fuzzy White.
"Then you recognize me?" said Billy.
"Of course I do—South Wind blew in here
one day and warned me that you were coming."
"Let's change the subject," said Fuzzy White
nervously.
"Yes," said Billy eagerly, "you, you whistle
very well, Mr. Boreas."
"I pride myself on my whistling," said Boreas,
lifting up a block of ice with his tongs and throw-
ing it over his shoulder. "But to return to yourself,
Billy Bounce—you will have to go back home."
"I'd like to oblige you," said Billy sturdily,
"but I can't."
"Oh I you can't, can't you—we'll see about
that," and Boreas ran actively around Billy,
cuffing him in the face and over the ears—
it seemed a thousand places all at once,
whistling dismally all the time.
"Look out for his teeth," shouted Fuzzy
White. "If you once get in the teeth of the
wind, he will bite your nose and ears and
fingers and toes off."


>74
BILLY BOUNCE
"Now, do you think better of it?" said
Boreas, coming to a sudden stop. "That was
only half trying—next time I'll catch you in
my ice tongs and carry you home."
"You can't frighten me," said Billy, patting
Fuzzy White on the head. He didn't know
quite why, but the feel of something that was
friendly seemed to keep his courage up.
"Go it, old boy," whispered Fuzzy encourag-
ingly.
"WOw-ow-ow! Oh-h-h-h-h!" howled Boreas,
"you say I can't frighten you — why, I've
frightened little boys and girls all my life.
Every winter I howl and whistle my way
around the world, and the way I make the
branches creak and the windows rattle through
the long, dark nights is a caution. Why, even
Bogie Man says that next to him I'm the
greatest frightener in the world."
"I don't care, I'm not afraid of you," said
Billy. Which, I fear, was not quite the exact
truth, for he didn't feel very easy when he
looked at Boreas' long, sparkling white teeth
and his tousled gray head and beard.
"Nor am I, even though you have got a


BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS 17S
corner on the ice market," said Fuzzy White,
"for really you know you are an ice man."
This made Boreas furious, he stormed and
howled and spluttered and beat Billy wildly on
^he chest, caught hold of him even and spun
him round and round on the ice, but he
couldn't knock him down nor lift him off his
feet so long as Billy did not try to jump.
"You'll get out of breath if you keep that
up much longer," said Billy, plucking up cour-
age when he saw that Boreas could not really
do him much damage. But it was a fatal
speech, for with one loud yell Boreas leaped at
Billy's face and tried to fasten his tongs in his
nose.
It was a trying moment for Billy, he felt his
nose turn pale with fright, and when Boreas'
tongs touched it, it grew absolutely numb.
, Indeed, he had given his poor nose up for lost,
and it would surely have been if Fuzzy White
had not scooped up a paw full of snow and
clapped it on Billy's nose just as Boreas began
to clamp the tongs.
"Ou! wow-ow-o-ow!" screamed Boreas,
jumping back, "owl owl I can't bite through


176
BILLY BOUNCE
snow," and he turned somersault after somer-
sault on the ice in his fury.
"Thank you, Fuzzy," cried Billy, as he felt
the blood return to his nose, "you have saved
me, old fellow."
"That's nothing, I know his tricks better
than you do."
Billy anxiously felt his nose with his fingers
and found it all there and quite right.
"But I'll get you yet, Billy Bounce," howled
Boreas, "and when I do I'll nip you hard."
"You're not so very fast or dangerous after
all," said Billy laughing.
"Look out for him," whispered Fuzzy, "he
has other tricks."
And sure enough, along raced Boreas, this
time close to the ground, and before Billy knew
it, he had caught him by the legs and was sliding
him along the ice, right toward the cold water.
But Billy knew a trick worth two of that, and
suddenly threw himself backwards.
"Plump—" he had fallen back, right on top
of Boreas. "Ugh!" cried Boreas and lay still
for a moment with the breath quite knocked
out of him.


BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS
177
"Good for Billy," cried Fuzzy White. "You
got him that time."
"So it seems," said Billy laughing.
"Wait until I get you up in the air," grunted
Boreas, "I'll show you something then."
"You have been trying pretty hard all morn-
ing," answered Billy, "but you haven't shown
me much yet."
My, my, my, how furious this made Boreas.
He raged and tore around and above Billy and
Fuzzy White, but they lay close to the ground,
and though he gave them some pretty hard
kicks, he could not budge them.
"If he keeps this up, he will tire himself
out," laughed Fuzzy to Billy. "He's getting
to be a pretty old man for such violent ex-
ercise, and the first thing he knows his wind
will give out."
"I'd like to stand up though," said Billy,
"I'm afrild I'll catch cold."
"Catch cold—" cried Boreas, stopping sud-
denly, "catch cold—why you couldn't catch
anything."
"That's all you know about it," said Billy.
"I'll tell you what I'll do," panted Boreas,


BILLY BOUNCE
"I'll give you a start of a hundred ice floes
and beat you down to that iceberg two miles
away."
"Done," cried Billy, winking at Fuzzy—"but
I'll be generous—I'll give you the start."
"What shall we bet," asked Boreas.
"I don't bet," said Billy.
"Well, we will do this—if I catch you, you
must give up searching for Bogie Man—if I
don't, you may continue your journey." And
Boreas chuckled to himself, for he intended
putting Squall, one of his children, in Billy's
way so that he couldn't jump any distance at
all.
"Come here, Squall," he whispered softly.
"Screech—I am here," cried Squall, gaily set-
tling down at his father's side.
"When that boy jumps, blow him in just
the opposite direction than that in which I am
going."
"Yes, sir, the opposite direction you say?"
answered Squall.
"Yes!" Then calling to Billy he said, "Are
you ready?"
Now Billy had heard just enough to know


BILLY PLAYS A TRICK ON BOREAS 179
that Boreas was planning some trickery, so he
decided quickly how to fool him.
"All ready," answered Billy, whispering "Good-
bye" to Fuzzy White.
"Then go," cried Boreas and was off.
"Go," cried Billy, turning his back on Boreas
and jumping in exactly the opposite direction
and away toward Aurora Borealis.
Now Squall did not know any more than
his father had told him, so of course he got
right back of Billy and pushed him faster than
ever away from his father, making him fairly
hum through the air.
You can imagine how surprised Boreas was
when he reached the Iceberg and turning
around to see how far he had beaten Billy,
found that he was sailing way, way off away
from him, with Squall pushing him along with
all his might and main. He was furious.
"Come back, come back," he called to Squall,
and the boy turned back obediently to meet
his father.
"He has not escaped me yet," cried Boreas,
jumping after Billy—and it is very doubtful
indeed if he would have escaped had Squall


CHAPTER XIV.
KING CALCIUM AND STERRY OPTICAN.
WHAT a dazzling sight was the town of
Aurora Borealis when it broke on Billy's vision!
Sparkling blue, red, and golden houses cut out
of solid icebergs. Even the poorest huts shone
with all the colors of the rainbow in the wav-
ering, flickering light that rose and fell on
them.
When Billy alighted in the streets he stood
amazed at the beauty surrounding him, but
when he saw the magnificent ice palace that
stood directly in front of him, he had eyes for
nothing else.
Higher than the highest office building he
had ever seen in the City, wider than the
longest block he had ever walked, and more
brilliant in its changing colors than any kalei-
doscope he had ever looked into.


I&J
BILLY BOUNCE
"Phew!" he said, with a great sigh of enjoy-
ment, "that is a beauty, sure enough."
"Not bad, is it?" said a voice at his elbow.
Looking around Billy saw a funny little chap
with sharp, bright eyes—a short, pinched blue
little nose, and long, tapering fingers. In one
hand he carried an artist's maulstick and in
the other a palette and brushes.
"It is beautiful," said Billy, "can you tell
me what place it is?"
"The Ice Palace—I built it."
"Are you a contractor?" asked Billy.
"No, I'm an expander."
"A what?"
"An expander—frost expands—I'm Jack Frost:
Architect, Artist and Ice Bridge Builder."
"You must enjoy the work."
"Yes, I'm fond of water colors—I suppose
you've seen some of my pictures window-framed
and hung in your own house?"
"Yes, sir—you must be a lightning sketch
artist."
"Never have been out when it lightened—
I'm afraid of thunder."
"I didn't mean that—" began Billy.


BILLY BOUNCE
was born, and I sometimes feel so young and
helpless without a mother to spank me."
Billy thought this rather silly, but did not
like to say so, for Jack Frost seemed to take
it all very seriously.
"Now that's over," said Jack suddenly. Look-
ing up in Billy's face and smiling, "I just
wanted to show you that I was a man of
sentiment. Suppose we go into the Ice Palace
and have a little light refreshment."
"That would be nice," said Billy.
"A little ice-cream, for instance."
"That sounds cold."
"It tastes colder," said Jack Frost, putting his
arm through Billy's. "Come along, and if that's
not enough you can have a glass of ice-water."
"Ugh!" how the thought of the cold things
made Billy shiver, and how like a cake of ice
Jack Frost's arm was!
"I—I thank you very much," he faltered,
"but if you'd just as soon"
"Sooner," said Jack Frost; "what is it?"
"I don't think I care for anything to eat."
"Oh! but you must have something to cool
you up; you'll take your death of warmness if


186
BILLY BOUNCE
but an old man seated at the window behind
a great reflector and two boiler-like things,
such as they have at the theatre to throw
a bright light on the stage. The machine
was buzzing and sizzing away, and the old man
was turning the light this way and that out
over the streets and houses. And whichever
way it turned a thousand flames of golden
light shone in the heavens and made the
houses sparkle and sparkle again with brilliant
colors. Billy knew then where the Northern
Lights came from.
"Where's the King?" whispered Billy.
"That's he," answered Jack, pointing to the
old man. "The Lord High Master of the
Lime Lights is sick in bed with a warm in
his head, and the King is attending to things
himself;" then aloud, "Hello, King!"
"Good midnight," answered the King, with-
out turning around.
"I want you to meet my friend," said Jack
Frost.
"Where do you want me to meet him?"
asked the King; " don't make it very far away, be-
cause I can't trust the machine to anyone else."



Me/eyther," cried she, in a tragic voice, "the light, the
tight,"— Page 187.


THE NEW YORK
PUBLIC LIBRARY!
*<!T01. Lt NOX
TILO N FOUNDATIONS


KING CALCIUM AND STERRY OPTICAN 187
"He is here," said Jack.
"Oh! well then, I'll meet him half way," and
jumping quickly up, the King ran to Billy,
shook his hand, murmured, "How de do,"
and trotted back to his machine.
"Glad to know you, King," said Billy.
"You don't know me," replied the King. "I
don't even know myself; so how could a fat boy,
who has just shaken my hand, expect to know
me?"
"I don't know," said Billy.
"That's better. Where is my daughter, Jack?"
"I don't know, Your Calciumness," answered
Jack Frost. But even as he spoke a tall, hand-
some young woman with raven-black hair and
large blue eyes came slowly into the room.
"Me feyther," cried she, in a tragic voice,
"the light, the light." And immediately the King
turned a small calcium light directly on her.
Bowing and kissing her hand, she turned to
Billy.
"Whither goest thou, fair sir, and whence
comest thou? Answer, I prithee."
"Ma'am?" was all Billy could say in his
amazement.


188
BILLY BOUNCE
"She means where are you going and where
did you come from," whispered Jack in Billy's
ear.
"Why couldn't she say so, then?" grumbled
Billy.
"Goest thou henceford or thenceford, fair sir?
Fain would I know—or wilt thou tarry awhile
and let me pour into thine ear—"
Billy put his hands over his ears and stepped
back in a hurry. "Please don't pour anything
into my ears."
"She means she wants to talk to you," whis-
pered Jack again; "that's stage talk."
"Ay, such is indeed the truth," said Sterry
Optican, moving forward, followed closely by
the light.
This time Billy stood his ground and she
took his hand in hers, saying sadly—
"Would thou wert not so fat, fair sir, else
could I learn, ay! gladly learn to love you—
but hold, villain—unhand me!" and she flung
Billy's hand away from her and burst into sobs.
"Jack Frost," said Billy wildly, "for goodness
sake pinch me — I don't know whether I'm
asleep or crazy."


igo
BILLY BOUNCE
means should go on the stage. Father, you
may turn off the light now; I'm through."
"Thank goodness," murmured Billy to him-
self.
"What did you say?" whispered Jack Frost.
"I was talking to myself," said Billy.
"That's a waste of time; though I suppose
you're more interested in your conversation than
any one else."
"That's sarcastic."
"No, it's true," said Jack. "Don't you think
I'm clever?"
"You're what I would call a sharp Frost,"
said Billy laughing.
"Stop talking for a minute," interrupted
King Calcium.
"I'm not talking," said Sterry Optican; "I'm
thinking, and it's much harder to think than to
talk."
"It is for some people," said Jack. "Now as
for me"
"Be silent," cried the King; "Nickel Plate is
trying to signal me."
"Nickel Plate!" exclaimed Billy rising to his
feet.


KING CALCIUM AND STERRY OPTICAN lgi
"Yes," said the King, "do you know him?"
"I've met him," said Billy; "but excuse me,
good day"
"Night, you mean; it won't be day for six
months," interrupted Jack Frost.
"Good night, then; I really must be going."
"Not until you've carved your initials on the
North Pole," said Sterry Optican. "It's my
autograph album, you know, and I have the
names and initials of many famous people on
it. Why, even my own is there."
"Thank you very much," said Billy, ner-
vously, "but I really can't spare the time."
"That's all you know about the North Pole,"
said Jack. "You could stay there a year and
not be spending a minute."
"What do you mean ?" asked Billy in surprise.
"Just what I say, this time—how are days,
hours, minutes and seconds measured? Answer
me that."
"By the length of time it takes a given
point to completely revolve about the earth's
axis," answered Billy, not quite sure that this
was the exact definition, but thinking it was
near enough.


192
BILLY BOUNCE
"Right," said Jack; "and so, if you are on
the axis, the North Pole, that is, you can't
revolve around it, can you?"
"No," said Billy.
"And if you can't revolve around it you
can't measure time, can you?"
"No."
"And if you can't measure time, then there is
no time: so you see you can't waste time or
spend time when you're on the North Pole. I
hope you understand that."
"Yes sir," answered Billy dubiously.
"Then come along and cut your initials in
the pole."
"Please do," pleaded Sterry.
And Billy was just about to yield—indeed,
he had taken two steps toward the door when
King Calcium suddenly exclaimed:
"Hold! Jack, lock the doors; Billy Bounce,
you are discovered."
"Whatl Billy Bounce in our mongst?"
cried Jack, blowing on the doors and freezing
them tight shut.
"Not the real Billy," cried Sterry, walking
over to a sofa and preparing to faint.


KING CALCIUM AND STERRY OPTICAN 193
"Yes," cried the King, "it is indeed he—
Nickel Plate has just wigwagged me that he
is in this room."
"I am undone!" screamed Sterry, throwing
herself carefully onto the sofa.
"Seize him, Jack!" cried the King.
"Seize him yourself," said Jack, dancing away
out of Billy's reach; "remember I'm a nervous
child."
"I will," cried the King, tottering over to
Billy and laying his hand on his collar. "Jack,
call the ice guard."
"Ice guard, ahoy!" shouted Jack.
"Lemme go," cried Billy, "or I'll"
"No you won't," panted the King, clinging
desperately to Billy.
"You'll see," said Billy, and began to drag
the King over to the window where the cal-
cium was burning brightly.
"Kelp me, help me, Jack!" called the King,
trying to sit down on the floor. But Billy
kept him from doing so, and finally reached
the window. Quick as a flash he turned the
entire Northern Light right into the room, and
with a sizzle, splash—puff the ice doors went


194
BILLY BOUNCE
up in steam. The next moment he found the
lever that controlled the lamp, and zip the light
was out.
My, my, my but how dark it got—darker
than a thousand nights—blacker than a million
hats. The King let go of Billy's collar and
commenced wildly to grope for the machine.
"Now to escape," cried Billy. "Barker, lead
me out by scent," and quickly he pulled Barker
out of his pocket, tied a string to his collar
and turned him loose.
Barker gave one little yelp, and then darted
for the doorway with Billy hot after him. Out
they ran into the open air, and picking Barker
up in his arms, up jumped Billy away from
Aurora Borealis.


CHAPTER XV.
BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE.
TO say that Billy was glad to see real
sunshine and feel its warmth again, hardly
expresses his joy, when, on emerging from
Aurora Borealis, he floated into a warmer
climate.
And the next time his feet touched earth
it did not take him long to take off his
rabbit skin and give it back to the Singing
Tree. And then how he and Barker rolled
on the soft green grass, breathed in the sweet,
flower-scented air, and basked in the sunlight!
"You saved my life, old boy," said Billy,
patting Barker's head. And Barker wagged
his little tail and cocked his head on one
side, as much as to say: "I'm glad, and I
would do it again if I had the opportunity,
Billy Bounce."


BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
197
And he was still soothing and patting Barker
when his feet crashed through a jungle of blades
and stalks, and he found himself in an enormous
corn field. He looked about him, and saw dimly
ahead through the corn a factory building; at
least he took it for this, for he could hear the
distant hum of machinery and the churn-churn-
churn of an engine.
"Now I wonder where I am," said Billy,
beginning to walk toward the factory.
"Stop — or you are a dead man — or boy,"
said a voice at his side.
Turning, Billy found
the barrel of a cap
pistol. But not being
particularly interested
in what he saw there,
he looked further and
discovered the face of
its owner. On his head
was a very, very large
wig of raveled rope,
and attached to his
chin by large elastic
bands that ran over
himself looking down

Snauiksnate, tbe Boy Detecative.


198
BILLY BOUNCE
his ears was a heavily matted blue beard.
Following the beard to its end, Billy's eyes
traveled on down to a large tin star.
"Who are you?" asked Billy in surprise.
"Snawksnaw, the famous boy detecative,"
cried the boy, pulling off beard and wig with
one sweep of his hand, and folding his arms
dramatically.
"What do you detect?" asked Billy.
"Hist!" said the boy, again putting on the
wig and beard, and pointing the cap pistol at
him. "Hist! I detect crime, but move not or
I will be-low your be-rains out."
"Is that a disguise?" asked Billy, pointing
to the boy detective's hair and beard.
"It is, and a perfect one. Who would ever
guess that Snawksnaw, the famous boy detec-
ative, and this bearded ruffian were one and
the same person? This is my favorite trans-
form."
"But why did you get a blue beard?"
"Ah-ha! that is the completest part of the
disguise; for though they might guess that I
would raise a black beard or a yellow one
or a red one, who would think that I could


BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
199
raise a blue one?" Then scowling terribly, he
hissed, "Are you one of them?"
"One of whom?" asked Billy.
"One of the party of desperate men that
inhabit yon fair but foul factory?"
"Of course not; I've just arrived."
"Ah-h, then perhaps you, too, are a detec-
ative on the same trail; but I warn you
Snawksnaw will have no partner to share the
glory of this capture. I have run them to
earth, and mean to take them single handed."
"What have they done?" asked Billy.
"I know not. That I will find out when I
have bound and gagged them."
"Then you don't know them?"
"Yes," and Snawksnaw seeing no immediate
use for his pistol carefully put it in his hip
pocket after examining the cap to see that it
was still in place. "Nothing like being sure of
one's firearms," he said, "for should me trusty
32 miss fire at a critical moment I should be
in a dangerous position."
"Who are they?"
"Nickel Plate, the Polished villain."
"What!" cried Billy, "Nickel Plate?"


200
BILLY BOUNCE
"Yes, and Bumbus."
"Bumbus?"
"Yes, and Drone."
"Drone? I don't know him."
"He's a cowardly ruffian, the tool of Nickel
Plate."
"A sort of Nickel Plated tool," said Billy,
laughing.
"I suppose so," said Snawksnaw seriously,
missing the joke. "And worst of all their fair
but false accomplice Glucose, possessing a
beautiful face to look upon, but with the crafty,
crawling, venomous wiles of the serpent."
"I've heard of Glucose," said Billy; "she is
the one they tried to put in Honey Girl's place
at the Bee Palace."
"Ah-ha!" cried Snawksnaw, "a case of ab-
duction—but I will foil them—it shall be my
greatest shadow. I must perfect my dis-
guise in such a serious case," and taking off
his coat he turned it inside out and struggled
into it. "Now I defy them."
"You're not going to the factory, are you?"
asked Billy.
"I don't know—if I just knew what old


BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
-201
Sneuth, the detective, would do under the
circumstances I could decide."
"Huh! I shouldn't wait for that," said a
voice. Looking up, Billy and Snawksnaw
saw Bumbus leaning against a cornstalk, wear-
ing a very self-satisfied but wicked grin.
"So it's my old friend Billy Bounce," con-
tinued he.
"Bumbus!" was all Billy could say.
"I be," said Bumbus; "who's your friend?"
"Snawksnaw, the famous boy detecative,"
shouted that youth, drawing his cap pistol.
"But I shall sell my life dearly," and he
snapped the cap at Bumbus. How it did make
Bumbus jump, but instead of falling dead in
his tracks as they do in dime novels, he
seized Billy's collar with one hand and reached
for the boy detective's collar with the other.
"Missed!" cried Snawksnaw, throwing his
pistol to the ground; "ten thousand furies. I
don't know what old Sneuth would do now,
but I know what I'm going to do," and
he ran off as fast as his legs would carry
him.
"Good riddance," said Bumbus, laughing,


202
BILLY BOUNCE
"which proves beyond a doubt that the wicked
flourish like a green bay rum tree."
"How is that?" asked Billy.
"Meaning that no matter how close the
shave, green bay rum can face it."
"I suppose you are going to take me pris-
oner to the factory," said Billy, wishing to
have the worst over as soon as possible.
"My, my, but you are a good guesser,"
then calling loudly, "Nickel Plate, Drone—
here is Billy Bounce."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" laughed Nickel Plate, strid-
ing through the corn. "So Billy Bounce is
once more in our power, eh! This time he
shall not escape us."
"Yaw-haw," yawned a sleepy-looking Bee,
coming slowly out of the factory.
"Come, wake up, Drone!" cried Bumbus.
"Aw-ri," yawned Drone.
Here Billy thought he saw an opportunity
to run, and giving a sharp twist he broke
from Bumbus and started away to get room to
jump. But alas for his hopes! the cornstalks
suddenly intertwined their tops all about and
over him and he found himself again a prisoner.


BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
"How impolite!" laughed Bumbus, "how
very impolite of you to think of going away
without saying good-by!"
"To the factory with him," said Nickel Plate
in a loud voice. And Billy was pulled and
hauled through the cornfield up to the factory
which bore the sign "Nickel Plate, Bumbus
and Glucose." Inside past the grinding machin-
ery and the great vats of boiling syrup and
finally thrust into a little room marked "Office."
"Honey Girl!" he cried, catching sight of a
young girl seated at the typewriter.
"Billy Bounce!" she cried, starting to her feet
with a peculiar smile; but the sound of her
voice and something about her eyes told him
that it was not Honey Girl at all, but Glucose,
that stood before him.
"I, I beg your pardon," he stammered; "I
thought you were the Princess."
"Well?" she said questioningly.
"But I see now I was mistaken; you are
Glucose."
"Beware, Billy Bounce, how you anger a
woman — hereafter address me as Honey Girl,
or take the consequences." So saying, Glucose


204
BILLY BOUNCE
closed down her desk and hurriedly left the
room.
"I suppose I've made another enemy—but I
don't care; she's proved now that she is not
Honey Girl, and this knowledge may prove use-
ful some day." Billy was seated in a chair near
the door when suddenly through the keyhole
and above the hum of machinery came the
sound of voices.
"We must get the note from him and
prevent his seeing Bogie Man," said the voice
of Bumbus.
"Yes," said Nickel Plate, "but I fear that so
long as he lives he will be in our way."
"Throw him in the grinder," suggested Drone.
"Or boil him in a syrup vat," added Bumbus.
"Too sweet a death," said Nickel Plate. "Of
one thing I am certain—he must die."
Then their voices died away, showing that
they had moved off.
"I suppose it's all up with me," said Billy,
looking about him for some means of escape.
"Oh! how I wish I had Mr. Gas here—I'll try
Umberufen: perhaps he can carry the message."
You can imagine that it did not take him


BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
long to touch wood, and "Zip!" Umberufen
stood before him.
"Well, so you need me again, do you?"
"Yes, sir," said Billy.
"The last time you treated me very badly."
"I'm very sorry."
"Humph! that won't pay for a ruined suit of
clothes—everything I had on warped dreadfully.
But I suppose I shall have to forgive you—
what is it?"
"I want you to carry a message to Mr. Gas."
"Out of my district," said Umberufen curtly.
"But you often go to Mr. Gas," said Billy;
"this is a matter of life and death."
"I can't go to him unless he touches wood."
"But you are supposed to do what I ask
you to."
"Anything here yes, but I'm not an errand
boy," answered Umberufen indifferently.
"Have you no heart?" exclaimed Billy.
"Certainly, but Mr. Gas didn't hire that—he
just arranged for my brains and ability."
"Then whatever he pays you he's got a bad
bargain," said Billy angrily. "You may go."
"There you go, showing your temper again


206
BILLY BOUNCE
—goodness, I wouldn't have your disposition
for anything — good-by," and Umberufen dis-
appeared.
"I wish I could sneeze—perhaps Gehsundheit
would take the message—I'll try," but do what
he would Billy could not make himself sneeze.
He tickled his nose with a straw, snuffed up
dust, did everything he could think of but not
a sneeze would come. At last he gave up in
despair. "I'll imitate a sneeze," cried he—"ca-
choo!" It did not sound very much like a
sneeze, but sure enough a shadowy form of
Gehsundheit appeared before him.
"Gehsundheit," came from the figure but it
sounded far, far away like an echo.
"At last," cried Billy. "Oh! Gehsundheit, I
need your help."
"So, iss it?" he whispered.
"Yes, I want you to carry a message to Mr.
Gas."
"Alas! it cannot be did."
"Why not?"
"Because I am not here."
"Not here—where are you?"
"At home in my castle."


BILLY BOUNCE
"Wake up, Drone, and help," said Bumbus.
"Oh!" said Drone, "I just dreamed that I
was asleep."
"That's one dream that came true," said
Bumbus; "now out with him." Bumbus pulled
and Drone pushed, and although the latter
went to sleep three or four times before they
got out of the room, Billy finally found himself
in the main factory where Nickel Plate was
directing some workmen in taking the lid off
of a vat.
"Ah, ha!" said Nickel Plate when he saw
Billy. "Now, boy, I will give you a last chance
—promise that you will give up all search
for Bogie Man and return the note to me and
we will free you, otherwise"
"It will be a case of boil instead of freeze,"
interrupted Bumbus.
"Then boil!" cried Billy. "I must do my duty
while I live."
"In with himl" cried Nickel Plate.
"In with him!" cried Bumbus.
"Yah-haw!" yawned Drone.
And with that they lifted Billy up and were
about to drop him into the vat, when through


BILLY MEETS GLUCOSE
the open skylight and down in their midst
dropped Mr. Gas. He was seated in his big
arm-chair which was carried along by hundreds
of toy balloons of all colors.
"Hold!" he cried.
But instead of holding they were all so sur-
prised that they let go of Billy and he fell
to the floor, just missing the vat by a few
inches. Luckily he lit on his feet, and, of
course, as this was just the same as a jump, he
bounded up again and out through the skylight,
followed by Mr. Gas.


CHAPTER XVI
IN SPOOKVILLE
WHEN they had gotten well away from the
factory, Billy recovered his wits sufficiently to
thank Mr. Gas warmly for his assistance.
"You are welcome, Billy Bounce—it was lots
of fun for me and I needed an outing any-
way."
"But how did you know about my need?"
said Billy. "I tried to send Umberufen and
Gehsundheit, but could get neither of them
to go."
"The wireless telephoneless telephone brought
me your wish. I came very near answering, but
you didn't hold the wireless wire, and I thought
it would be more exciting to save you at the
last minute, the way they always do in books."
"I'm afraid—" began Billy.
"Don't do it," interrupted Mr. Gas.


IN SPOOKVILLE
211
"What?"
"Be afraid."
"But I meant to say I was afraid—" he
began again.
"You did say it—you didn't just mean to say
it," said Mr. Gas severely.
"Well, what I meant was that I didn't think
Gehsundheit and Umberufen have been of much
use to me."
"That's better — never use the word afraid,
because there's nothing in the world to be afraid
of if you do your best."
"I'll remember that, sir," answered Billy.
"About Gehsundheit and Umberufen — they
are not very useful, it's true, but the two old
fellows have been out of work for so long
that I hire them out of charity."
"I suppose they mean well."
"Oh! yes; but be careful of well meaners
unless they are good doers — that's what
counts."
"Yes, sir," said Billy. .
"And now good-by—keep your teeth clean
and don't eat any dirt."
"Of course not, I never do eat dirt."


BILLY BOUNCE
"I know you don't, but it is my rule to give
advice that can be easily followed — that's the
way I keep my friends. Good-by."
"Good-by, and thank you," called Billy, and
in less than half a jiffy Mr. Gas and his toy
balloons were only a speck on the horizon.
When Billy again reached the earth it was
night. He had just taken Barker out of his
pocket and was going to dig a hole for the
Singing Tree, when he saw that he was in
a great shadowy city.
"That's strange," he said, looking about him.
"I was sure that I was in the middle of a
green meadow when I first came down and
here I am in a city."
And yet when he looked again he found
that he could see clear through the houses.
This made him just a wee bit nervous.
"Ah! here comes some one with a lantern;
I'll ask him about it." And sure enough there
came bobbing and dancing up the street a
ball of light. "He's an awfully unsteady walker,
whoever he is," said Billy. For one minute the
light would be way urr in the air and the
next minute almost touching the ground—then


IN SPOOKVILLE
«3
it would be on one side of the walk and
again on the other. On it came until it was
within a few inches of his nose and then he
saw that no one was carrying it.
Gracious! what a start it gave him — for a
moment only and then he was off after it in
hot pursuit. But the faster Billy walked the
faster the light went—when he ran it ran—
and suddenly "puff!" it disappeared.
"Huh! I don't like that a little bit," and he
stopped and looked around him.
The moon cast a pale and sickly light, and
the gaunt trees waved and creaked sadly in
the moaning breeze, throwing long, claw-like
shadows on the ground. Then a sad-voiced
bird piped out from the forest, "Whip-poor-
will — whip-poor-will — whip-poor-will-o'-the-
wisp."
"That's what it was, of course," said Billy,
sturdily sticking his fists into his pockets—" a
will-o'-the-wisp." And back he trudged whis-
tling as hard as he could whistle. Because
whistling does keep a fellow's courage up on
a lonely walk, doesn't it?
It certainly cheered Billy a great deal, so that


BILLY BOUNCE
been telling you silly tales—come, we're old
friends, let's shake hands."
"Can — can you shake hands?" said Billy,
putting his own behind him.
"Certainly. Of course I can't shake your hand,
but I can shake my own," and with that the
Ghost held two long white arms in front of him,
joined the ends (one really couldn't call them
hands) and waved them up and down.
Much relieved, Billy clasped his own two
hands and feebly shook them — and my, how
cold and clammy they feltl
"Well, good-by, I must be going," said Billy
nervously.
"Don't go yet—let's talk over old times. And
by the way, you don't happen to know a quiet
family, keeping two servants, no children pre-
ferred, who wants to hire a respectable ghost.
Thoroughly tame—will eat out of the hand—
terms reasonable and references exchanged.
Guaranteed to give satisfaction or money re-
turned. If desired can take the shape of an old
ancestor. Guarding buried treasure extra." And
the Ghost rattled this off as if he had learned
it by heart.



'Come up to the house and spend an unpleasant evening.''1—Page 21


Sbucubr^


IN SPOOKVILLE
"No," said Billy, "I really do not — in fact,
I'm sure I don't."
"Now that's too bad—but perhaps you would
hire me—I'll make it cheap for old acquaintance'
sake," said the Ghost wistfully.
"No," said Billy quickly, "I don't think I
care to be haunted."
"If the price is all that stands in the way I'll
work for my keep just to keep in practice."
"No," said Billy, "I'm—," he was going to
say "afraid," but remembered Mr. Gas's advice
and said, "I'm sure I don't need you."
"Well, I suppose if you won't, you won't—
but anyway come up to the house and spend
an unpleasant evening. I'd like you to meet
the wife and children—my wife is a little high-
spirited — the ghost of a lighthouse-keeper's
daughter, but she will thaw out after a while,
and I'm sure she can fix up a nice little supper
for us."
"I really have not time," said Billy, backing
off.
"Not if I tell you that we have some cold
fear pie and a roast of imagination, a neat little
salad of blood-curdling screams topped off


IN SPOOKVILLE
that surrounded him he was worse frightened
than ever. Some of them breathed fire and
steam while their eyes glowed like red-hot
coals. Others had old, crafty and wicked faces
with huge snaggle teeth. Some looked like
fierce and bloodthirsty pirates—all sorts and
conditions of ghosts were there, and all seem-
ingly intent on tearing Billy limb from limb.
"See him tremble!" called one old Pirate.
"Ah! this reminds me of old times on the
Spanish Main—make him walk the plank!"
"Scream into his ear until he is deaf ("cried
a Banshee.
"Put a ball and chain on him and throw
him in a cell!" suggested the ghost of a convict.
"He's the boy who discovered Shamville—
he will tell on all of us if we let him live!"
said a crafty-looking old merchant.
"Make him eat his own head!" cried a head-
less horseman.
"Get away!" cried Billy; "you are a host of
delusions! I don't believe in ghosts anyway,
and I'm not afraid of you," for he had just
remembered what Mr. Gas said about being
afraid. He took a step forward, and in doing


222
BILLY BOUNCE
"Half past eight—time we were off!" said
Billy, looking at his Waterbury. And so off
they flew into space.
"I doubt if I can float over that high moun-
tain," he said presently. "What a queer-looking
thing it is, too." And no wonder it was queer
looking, for it was the Volcano of Vociferous
with just a little thin white vapor rising from
its crater. "Oh, me! oh, my! I'm falling right
into the hole," he cried, "I wonder if I will
fetch up in China?" And sure enough, when
he got right over the crater he began to fall,
fall, fall, through the opening and way down
towards the centre of the earth. And just about
the time he had given up hopes of ever landing in
any place, he hit plump on a floor of lava. Right
in front of him was a door bearing this sign:
"The Coal Man. Best Anthracite and Soft Coal.
New Gold and Silver bought and sold. Nickel-
plating a specialty. For admission to works apply
at Office. Walk in." Turning the handle Billy
walked in.
"Well, said a smutty-faced old man who
was bustling about the office and whom Billy
rightly took for the Coal Man.


IN THE VOLCANO OF VOCIFEROUS 223

"How do you do?"
said Billy.
"Tired, very tired,"
answered the Coal Man.
"Worked to death. I
have a rush order for an
eruption of Vociferous
and it's keeping my
alchemist and myself
busy day and night,
while the coal stokers
and furnace tenders threaten to strike for lower
wages."
"That's too bad," said Billy sympathetically.
"Not a bit of it. I like the work. I suppose
you want to go through the works."
"If it's not too much trouble."
"I don't know whether you will find it too
The Coal Man.


224
BILLY BOUNCE
much trouble or not; you will have to decide
that for yourself."
"I mean for you."
"It can't be for me, because I'm not going.
What's your name?"
"Billy Bounce."
"Billy Bounce? Glad to know you, Billy.
I've heard a great deal of you from a customer
of mine"
"A customer! Who is he?"
"Nickel Plate the Polished Villain. He comes
down here every once in a while to be plated."
"Nickel Plate!" cried Billy in alarm. "Why,
he is my enemy."
"I know it," said the Coal Man; "but don't
mind that; he's his own best friend."
"But if that's the case, aren't you going to
harm me?"
"Certainly not. You can't do me any harm
by telling the truth about my work. You will
find that your only enemies are the people
who know you will expose them as imitations."
"I hadn't thought of that before," said Billy,
greatly relieved.
"Of course you hadn't. They wouldn't either


226
BILLY BOUNCE
"Sir," said Billy, "I understood the last part
of your sentence, but I don't think I heard the
first part very well."
"A little sulphur—now I wonder if I'd better
put any safety-matches in it this time—what
do you think, boy?" And he looked at Billy
as if he were a thousand miles off.
"I don't know, sir."
"Then why do you presume to offer advice?
So you don't think safety-matches a safe thing
to put in it? Neither do I."
"But I said I didn't know," said Billy.
"True, you did; I had forgotten. If that's
the case, I'd better use sulphur-matches."
"Are you the Alchemist?"
"Let's see, am I? I've really forgotten. Ace
of Spades," calling to the blackest stoker of
them all, "come here."
"Yes, sir," said Ace, running up to them.
"Well, what do you want?" asked the old
man, looking at Ace in surprise.
"You called me, sir," said Ace.
"Did I—what for? Do you know?"
"No, sir," said Ace.
"Excuse me," said Billy, "but I think it


BILLY BOUNCE
here to think for them, I don't know what would
become of the business."
"Excuse me "began Billy.
"Certainly," interrupted the Alchemist, absent-
mindedly putting some gun-cotton in his ears.
"I was going to say—did you say you were
making a sample eruption?"
"Did you speak to me? I seem to have
heard you speak."
"Yes, sir."
"I can't hear a word you say—I'm afraid
I'm growing deaf. Now what did I do with
that gun-cotton I had a moment ago?" and
the Alchemist looked for it in every place but in
his ears. But Billy, by making motions, showed
him where it was, and he pulled it out in great
surprise. "You shouldn't do that," said he
severely, "it's a very dangerous thing."
"But I didn't," said Billy; "you did it your-
self."
"Tut-tut—why should I put gun-cotton in
my own ears? I never listen to evil reports."
Billy was just about to make further denial
when the Coal Man put his head through the
door and beckoned to him. "Nickel Plate is


CHAPTER XVIII.
THE ELUSIVE BRIDGE.
"I MUST be very near the end of my jour-
ney," said Billy the morning after he ruined
Nickel Plate's new coat. "I have been on the
air road a long time, and certainly I have had
some queer adventures. What shall I say to
Bogie Man when I do see him, I wonder"
but here he lit on the ground and looked around
him. About half a block behind him he saw a
most peculiar looking bridge — a bridge that
seemed to be floating in the air and yet came
very near to touching the ground at each end.
But what' interested him was the dark and
dismal looking city on the other side of the
bridge.
"Why, that's strange. The bridge and the
city are behind me, so I must have passed over
them; yet I don't remember seeing them at all."


BILLY BOUNCE
looked around him in the greatest dog sur-
prise, caught sight of the city over his shoulder,
and turned again. Then he began to get
excited, and before Billy could stop him was
spinning round and round like a kitten after
its tail. And he spun and spun and he spun,
Billy all the time trying to make head or tail
of him, until he got so dizzy that he fell over
on his side. "Good old dog," cried Billy, pick-
ing him up and putting him in his pocket.
"You have proved that I'm not the only one
who can't get the bridge in front of him. But
I have made up my mind to get to that city if
it takes the rest of my life, for it looks to me
like Never Was where Bogie Man lives." And
with that he commenced to walk backwards-
And he walked and walked and walked, but
not an inch nearer to the bridge did he get.
"I wonder if I could jump backwards. I'll
try it." And back he jumped. Up he went and
back he flew. It wasn't a very comfortable
feeling, either, not to know just where he was
going, and he certainly hoped he wouldn't
bump into any buildings when he did reach
the city. But he closed his eyes and waited,


THE ELUSIVE BRIDGE
239
until at last his feet touched earth. Then he
opened his eyes and looked around him, ex-
pecting to find himself in the middle of the
city. Not a bit of it. There he was in the
same spot he had started from, with the bridge
and the city just over his shoulder.
"Well, I'll be gum swizzled!" he exclaimed
in surprise.
"I shouldn't," said an important looking man
in a black uniform and a little round cap bearing
the words "Toll Gate Keeper." "You might
be gummed, you know, like an envelope,
but it wouldn't do to be swizzled."
"What is swizzled?" asked Billy.
"How should I know? But you
should, for you said you would be."
"It was just an expression with me."
"Oh! you meant to say
you would be expressed.
What are the express rates on boys?"
"No, I didn't mean that; what I
meant to say is that what I meant
to say was—oh! pshaw! I don't know
what I'm talking about."
"Of course you don't, and as I The Toil Gate


242
BILLY BOUNCE
"I don't know and I don't care. I didn't
send you there—all I know is that the only
way to Never Was is over the bridge that
people cross before they get to it."
"Then all I can see is that I shall have to
cross the bridge," said Billy.
"I've told you that you've already crossed
it."
"Stop a minute," cried Billy, putting his
fingers in his ears, "my head is in a whirl."
"How can I stop a minute? I'd have to
catch it first, and don't you know that time
flies?"
"I mean wait for a minute."
"Which minute do you want me to wait for?"
"Oh, stop it, stop it!—don't stop anything—
I mean don't wait for anything—if you say
another word I'll go crazy."
And poor bewildered Billy sat down on the
ground and buried his face in his hands.
"There, I feel better," said he, finally, raising
his head. "Who are you, please?"
"I'm the Toll Gate Keeper, also The Man
That People Borrow Trouble From."
"Oh!" said Billy.


THE ELUSIVE BRIDGE
245
"Just half past ten," said the Toll Man,
pulling out his sun dial.
"I wonder what's happened to my watch?
I must turn it back," and pressing the spring
Billy turned the hands back to ten thirty. Just
at that moment he happened to catch sight
of the bridge over his shoulder, and, strange
to say, it was almost in touching distance.
"Hurrah!" he cried, delightedly, "here's the
bridge right here—now I'm sure to catch it,"
and he ran backwards as hard as he could,
but without getting an inch nearer to it.
"How did it get here, anyway?" he asked.
"I don't know," said the Bridge Keeper.
"I noticed it coming up while you were set-
ting your watch back."
"That's it—that's it," cried Billy. "Don't you
know, you said that what has once been done
can't be undone unless time turns back."
"What has that got to do with it?"
"Can't you see when I turned time back, up
came the bridge? Now I am going to turn it
back more and get to the other side."
"Don't risk it, don't risk it," cried the
Toll Gate Keeper, in great excitement. "If


246
BILLY BOUNCE
you should happen to be lost between two
hours, you might never catch up with time
again."
But Billy did not heed the warning, for he
knew he could turn his watch ahead again
and make up for any lost time that way.
So back went the hands of the watch and,
"Spang!" Billy stood in the dark and dismal
streets of Never Was.
Far, far off in front of him (this time) was
the bridge, and on the other side, waving his
arms in despair, stood the Toll Gate Keeper.


IN THE DARK, NEVER WAS
"That won't help you any, for I won't read
it even if you don't ask me." And in high
dudgeon Mumbledy Peg started to stump off
down the street.
"Hold on," called Billy, running after him.
"I have nothing to hold on to, but don't
worry, I won't fall."
"Can't you give a sensible answer to any-
thing?"
"No. I used to do that and people said I
had so much common sense I couldn't be
very bright. When I began talking nonsense
they said it was so foolish it must be very
clever, and thus I gained a great reputation
for being witty."
"Well, just for once, won't you try to talk
common sense?" said Billy. "How can I get
to Bogie Man's house?"
"There is just one way and that is to walk.
We have no street cars here."
"I mean in what direction shall I go?"
"It makes no difference to me which way
you go—see here, Billy Bounce, I know you,"
said Mumbledy Peg, severely.
"You know me?" asked Billy, in surprise.


BILLY BOUNCE
"Yes, I do, and I'm not going to help you
find Bogie Man's house."
"Oh! you're not," said Billy. "Well, suppose
I find it anyway."
"You can't, no one ever finds Bogie Man
unless he doesn't want to find him."
"We will see about that," said Billy, angrily,
"and when I do find him and deliver the
note, I'm going to tell him just what I think
of him."
"He doesn't care what you think of him.
Thoughts never hurt any one but their thinkers."
"That is too deep for me," said Billy.
"There it is," said Mumbledy Peg in disgust,
"when I do say something sensible, you don't
understand me."
"Then you won't help me to find Bogie
Man?"
"Not an inch, and I will say further that
if all our leading citizens had not left for
Mars in search of work, you wouldn't be
alive in this town for three minutes."
"I'm not trying to harm you," said Billy.
"We won't discuss the matter further. Good
night," and Mumbledy Peg drove himself right


IN THE DARK, NEVER WAS
into the ground and disappeared, leaving Billy
alone in the dark street.
"I can't get him back unless I pull him out
with my teeth, I suppose," said Billy, "and
I'm not going to try that. Now, what am I to
do without a guide? It is fearfully dark and
lonely, and I seem to be as far from seeing
Bogie Man as ever. I wonder what street
this is?"
He tried to see the sign on the lamp post.
Of course the lamp was not lit, for they never
are in Never Was until daylight.
But he couldn't possibly make it out, so he
fumbled about in his pockets until he found a
match. He lighted this, and by its feeble flame
read the sign "The Road-to-Bed."
"The Road-to-Bed," he repeated to himself,
"that's a strange name for a street. I wonder
if Bogie Man lives anywhere near. Why, of
course, he must live in this street, because he
is nearly always seen on the road to bed."
Now Billy did not exactly mean that Bogie
Man was seen, because, although many little
boys and little girls have thought they saw
Bogie Man, have thought they heard him


THE WINDOW OF FEAR
less, nameless, dreadful yellow splotch on the
wall. And over it Billy read these words,
"The Window of Fear—look not lest ye see
terror."
"This must be Bogie Man's house," said
Billy. "I—I am sure it is rude to look in
at windows, and besides that, ugh! what a
hideous window—I'll try the front door."
At last he found a wide, low, grinning
door, and he had just mustered up the cour-
age to ring the bell, whose handle was the
tail of a snake, when the door opened sud-
denly and out flew a thin, gaunt, pink flannel
cat with shoe-button eyes and a long, blue
worsted tail. Billy tried to seize this oppor-
tunity and enter; but slam went the door in
his face, and off down the road went the
cat. And at the same moment two large
flat things, with waving streamer-like arms,
lifted themselves up in front of him and tried
to knock his candle out of his hand. Billy
stepped back just in time to save it and
stood staring at the quivering forms. "What
are those things, I wonder?" he exclaimed.
"Layovers to catch meddlers," said one of


2<W
BILLY BOUNCE
them. "Hands off," said the other, and then
they lay down again on the door-mat.
"Then perhaps you can tell me if this is
Bogie Man's house," he said.
"It is—now go away," said one.
"This door is only to go out by—it never
opens to let any one in," said the other.
Billy thought a minute, and then, hoping
he could surprise them into telling him some
way of getting in, said, "Then how is that
cat ever to get in again?"
"It never will," said the first Layover;
"that is Scaredy Cat, and she will never
come back."
"What was she running away from?" asked
Billy.
"Her tail."
"Her tail?"
"Yes—it is a frightful yarn. Now, go
away; I'm through talking."
Billy tried to secure an answer to several
more questions, but never a word could he
get out of them.
"I suppose I shall have to look through
the Window of Fear after all," he said, with


THE WINDOW OF FEAR
261
just the faintest shiver. And throwing back
his shoulders, he made for the window. He
had to hoist himself up onto the sill to look
in, and when he had gotten up, he sat with
his back to the window and his eyes closed,
until he could catch his breath and muster
up his courage to peep in. Then he slowly
turned his head. It is a good thing he had
a tight hold on the broad sill, for the sight
that met his gaze, froze his blood and almost
knocked him off his balance.
There stood Bogie Man in the middle of
the room juggling his own hideous head with
one hand and a great ball of burning sulphur
with the other. Billy saw now what made
the blue and yellow light. It was the sul-
phur, which flashed and sizzled as it went
through the air, emitting a million angry sparks
and tongues of fire when it struck Bogie
Man's hand. And Bogie Man's body—ugh!
—as tall as a church-steeple, as large around
as a house; as full of knots as an old oak-
tree, yet as black and eerie and unformlike
as a flying shadow. The hair on the head
was long and green, his eyes like two sparks



Billy shot a blast of hot air from his pump full in Bumius's face.—Page 263.


264
BILLY BOUNCE
Billy leaned heavily against the window and
worked the hot-air pump desperately. Time
and time again the Imps, Sprites and Crimson
Devil's Horses renewed the attack.
"On, on!" cried Nickel Plate from a safe
place in the rear.
"Buzz-z-z, buzz-z-z! Pluck his eyes out!"
cried Bumbus, striking at Billy with his three-
edged sword.
"Put him to sleep forever!" cried Drone,
waking up in the midst of the combat.
But Billy never said a word. He was hold-
ing his breath for the final onslaught, which he
felt was now being arranged, so he only gritted
his teeth and pumped hot air into and through
the frantic enemy. Down went Bumbus again
from a blast in the ear. Puff! puff! and away
and away sailed an imp never to return again.
"Rally!" cried Nickel Plate.
For a moment there was a lull, and Billy
knew the time had come when he must beat or
be beaten. "I'm not afraid," he panted to him-
self, and then with a rush and a wild shriek the
enemy hurled itself forward in a solid mass.
On they came, yelling terribly, their eyes spit-


CHAPTER XXI.
IN THE QUEEN BEE PALACE.
ON, on and on went Billy, rushing through
the air with a speed he had never before
experienced: the result of the tremendous leap
he had taken in leaving In-The-Dark, Never
Was.
Bogie Man squirmed and struggled, scratched
and bit and kicked, threatening Billy with the
most horrible punishment if he did not release
him. But Billy only held on the tighter and
answered never a word. For now he knew
what a harmless imitation he really was un-
less seen through the Window of Fear.
Then down, down, down he dropped right
into the middle of a great, sweet field of red
clover from which arose the continuous hum-
m-m-m-m buzz-z-z of thousands of honey-
gathering bees.


IN THE QUEEN BEE PALACE
271
each step to make walking a springy, elastic
pleasure, was carpeted down the centre with
a strip of soft, hand-woven yellow rosebud
leaves, and this carpet led to the throne which
was carved from one enormous block of
amber.
But when Billy's gaze had travelled this far
he had eyes for nothing else. In his sight the
lights faded to mere sparks, the golden walls
lost their richness, the throne became but a
high-backed wooden chair, for seated there
before him was Honey Girl, so radiant, so daz-
zlingly beautiful that mere gold and jewelry
were as nothing compared with her.
"Honey Girl!" he cried.
"Billy Bounce!" exclaimed she, and her
voice was as full of gladness as Billy's.
"You on the throne?"
"Yes, my aunt the Queen Bee felt that she
was growing old, and to protect me further
from Nickel Plate and Bogie Man abdicated
and made me Queen."
"You need not have feared them," said Billy.
"Allow me to present Bogie Man."
"That, Bogie Man?" said the Princess, or


278
BILLY BOUNCE
"Exactly," said Billy. "There is no room in
this world for Drones. General, let some of
your soldiers give him a shave, a bath, a
square meal, some respectable clothes, and put
him to work."
And Drone was led away feebly protesting,
but encouraged already by the promise of
something to eat.
"And Glucose," cried Honey Girl, "I shall
take care of, ladies," bowing to her court
ladies who surrounded the throne. "Glucose
will be my understudy. When I feel sick and
tired and headachy she will attend court for
me, and that she may never again enter into
a conspiracy to rob me of my throne, she shall
always wear her label, but under her dress."
Glucose fell on her knees at Honey Girl's
feet and covered her hands with kisses.
"Let me be always your servant, dear Queen,
and I will prove that there is some good in
Glucose after all."
Every one was much affected by her repent-
ance, and was convinced that thereafter she
would lead a good and useful life. Which I
am glad to say she did.


IN THE QUEEN BEE PALACE 279
"And now, Billy Bounce, for your reward,"
said Honey Girl.
"I ask no reward," said Billy earnestly,
"except that some day when I am grown up
and General Manager of the Messenger Service
you will marry me."
Honey Girl blushed and hung her head at
this unexpected reply, and then smiling at
Billy said, "Maybe."
"Hurrah! Maybe is will be in Beeland,"
cried everybody, and Mr. Gas shook Billy
warmly by the hand and whispered, "That's
what comes of keeping your courage up."
Is it looking too far ahead to say that one
day Honey Girl and Billy did marry, and of
course lived happily all the rest of their days,
while Barker with the aid of the soldiers
guarded the Palace, and every night barked
up the Singing Tree, which with its beauti-
ful music gave much pleasure and delight to
Billy and the Princess?
Well, it's true anyway, so we will say so.
THE END