A trip to Ireland being a description of the country, people and manner : as also some select observations on Dublin.
         Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
      
       
         
           1699
        
      
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             A trip to Ireland being a description of the country, people and manner : as also some select observations on Dublin.
             Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
          
           [4], 12 p.
           
             s.n.,
             [London? :
             1699]
          
           
             Reproduction of original in Huntington Library.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           Voyages and travels.
           Ireland -- Description and travel.
           Ireland -- Description and travel -- Early works to 1800.
        
      
    
     
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           A
           Trip
           to
           Ireland
           ,
           BEING
           A
           DESCRIPTION
           OF
           THE
           Country
           ,
           People
           and
           Manners
           :
           As
           also
           some
           Select
           OBSERVATIONS
           ON
           DUBLIN
           .
        
         
           Printed
           in
           the
           Year
           ,
           1699.
           
        
      
       
         
         
         
           The
           Preface
           .
        
         
           SINCE
           Observations
           of
           the
           same
           Nature
           with
           those
           which
           follow
           ,
           have
           prevail'd
           of
           late
           for
           a
           general
           Approbation
           ;
           and
           it
           has
           been
           more
           acceptable
           to
           the
           Reader
           to
           make
           Enquiries
           into
           the
           Imperfections
           of
           the
           People
           which
           have
           given
           Being
           to
           the
           Papers
           under
           his
           Perusal
           ,
           than
           to
           search
           after
           their
           Excellencies
           and
           survey
           their
           Beauties
           ;
           I
           could
           not
           but
           think
           it
           adviseable
           to
           gratify
           his
           Palate
           ,
           and
           consult
           my
           own
           Interest
           ,
           in
           presenting
           him
           with
           the
           following
           Remarks
           .
           And
           as
           two
           other
           Authors
           (
           viz.
           those
           of
           the
           Trips
           to
           Jamaica
           and
           Holland
           )
           have
           giv'n
           him
           the
           sight
           of
           Monsters
           of
           a
           Foreign
           Growth
           ,
           and
           one
           of
           'em
           under
           no
           dependance
           on
           the
           English
           Government
           ;
           so
           I
           have
           now
           remov'd
           the
           Scene
           ,
           and
           brought
           my
           Farce
           to
           be
           acted
           in
           a
           Country
           which
           Dr.
           Molineux
           ,
           a
           late
           Writer
           ,
           would
           insinuate
           to
           be
           independent
           on
           the
           British
           Nation
           ,
           tho'
           reduc'd
           by
           Force
           of
           Arms
           to
           acknowledge
           her
           Conquest
           .
           If
           Teigue
           can
           but
           please
           as
           well
           as
           Myn-Heer
           ,
           the
           Bookseller
           has
           gain'd
           his
           Aim
           ,
           the
           Author
           his
           ,
           and
           the
           Reader
           more
           than
           He
           could
           expect
           ,
           since
           in
           drawing
           the
           Picture
           of
           a
           
             Dutch
             Man
          
           he
           might
           have
           thought
           Nature
           had
           been
           exhausted
           of
           all
           her
           Deformities
           .
           But
           Michael
           Angelo's
           Cardinal
           in
           his
           representation
           of
           the
           Day
           of
           Iudgment
           is
           a
           Beauty
           to
           an
           
             Irish
             Man
          
           ,
           who
           tho'
           he
           does
           not
           look
           with
           the
           same
           Horror
           for
           his
           Crimes
           as
           his
           
             Diabolical
             Eminence
          
           ,
           yet
           takes
           Pains
           to
           merit
           the
           same
           Punishment
           ;
           and
           it
           s
           enough
           to
           send
           one
           in
           Search
           of
           the
           Parish-Register
           to
           know
           the
           Truth
           of
           his
           Nativity
           ,
           if
           one
           of
           the
           meaner
           sort
           of
           this
           People
           happens
           to
           be
           suspected
           of
           Honesty
           .
        
         
           As
           for
           the
           Nobility
           ,
           who
           are
           generally
           sprung
           from
           English
           Parentage
           ,
           here
           are
           those
           who
           are
           renown'd
           for
           their
           Valour
           ,
           admir'd
           for
           their
           Iustice
           ,
           and
           esteem'd
           for
           their
           Wisdom
           ;
           and
           we
           have
           seen
           those
           Things
           perform'd
           by
           the
           present
           Duke
           of
           Ormond
           ,
           and
           the
           Earl
           of
           Arran
           his
           Grace's
           Noble
           Brother
           ,
           which
           have
           been
           the
           admiration
           of
           this
           Age
           ,
           as
           they
           will
           command
           
           the
           Wonder
           of
           the
           Times
           which
           succeed
           .
           But
           Panegyrick
           is
           not
           my
           Business
           ;
           and
           I
           who
           am
           to
           give
           such
           a
           Description
           of
           Ireland
           ,
           as
           should
           make
           my
           Reader
           laugh
           at
           its
           Inhabitants
           ,
           should
           not
           dwell
           on
           two
           such
           Instances
           in
           its
           Commendation
           ,
           unless
           I
           would
           be
           laught
           at
           my self
           .
        
         
           To
           go
           on
           therefore
           with
           my
           Subject
           ,
           and
           persuade
           the
           Buyer
           as
           much
           as
           I
           can
           that
           he
           has
           a
           very
           good
           Bargain
           ,
           and
           enough
           in
           Conscience
           for
           his
           Mony
           ;
           here
           are
           the
           Vices
           of
           all
           Nations
           practis'd
           by
           those
           People
           ,
           who
           have
           not
           Wit
           enough
           to
           know
           but
           what
           they
           are
           solely
           of
           their
           own
           Growth
           ,
           and
           who
           if
           they
           should
           chance
           to
           be
           told
           by
           some
           one
           among
           'em
           that
           can
           read
           ,
           that
           other
           Nations
           are
           guilty
           of
           the
           same
           Sins
           ,
           would
           bite
           their
           Nails
           off
           but
           they
           would
           find
           out
           some
           less
           common
           Road
           to
           Damnation
           .
           In
           short
           ,
           that
           I
           may'nt
           make
           the
           Porch
           too
           big
           for
           the
           House
           ,
           and
           that
           the
           Reader
           may
           not
           expect
           more
           Matter
           than
           I
           can
           afford
           him
           ;
           in
           order
           to
           proportion
           the
           Treatise
           to
           the
           Preface
           ,
           I
           shall
           have
           said
           as
           much
           as
           I
           design
           ,
           if
           I
           tell
           him
           ,
           That
           the
           People
           of
           the
           Kingdom
           I
           give
           him
           the
           Description
           of
           ,
           have
           the
           Cruelty
           of
           a
           
             Spanish
             Inquisitor
          
           ,
           the
           Letchery
           of
           an
           Italian
           ,
           the
           Levity
           of
           a
           
             French
             Man
          
           ,
           the
           Cowardice
           of
           a
           Savoyard
           ,
           the
           Perfidiousness
           of
           a
           
             Scotch
             Man
          
           ,
           the
           Ignorance
           of
           a
           Muscovite
           ,
           the
           rebellious
           Temper
           of
           a
           
             Dutch
             Man
          
           ,
           and
           the
           Pride
           of
           —
           themselves
           ;
           and
           if
           all
           this
           Bundle
           of
           Vice
           won't
           content
           him
           ,
           let
           him
           show
           me
           so
           many
           Virtues
           in
           practice
           among
           'em
           ,
           and
           he
           shan't
           ask
           me
           twice
           to
           be
           satisfied
           .
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
           A
           Trip
           to
           Ireland
           .
        
         
           BEfore
           I
           enter
           into
           the
           Character
           of
           the
           People
           ,
           it
           will
           not
           be
           improper
           to
           acquaint
           my
           Reader
           with
           the
           Motives
           which
           induc'd
           me
           to
           make
           Observations
           upon
           'em
           ,
           since
           I
           who
           am
           about
           to
           give
           him
           an
           account
           of
           others
           ,
           may
           perhaps
           b●
           expected
           to
           give
           some
           account
           of
           my self
           .
           Let
           it
           therefore
           sufficee
           if
           I
           tell
           him
           ,
           the
           same
           Curiosity
           which
           leads
           him
           to
           the
           perusal
           of
           these
           Remarks
           ,
           prevaild
           upon
           me
           to
           make
           'em
           ;
           And
           as
           I
           am
           not
           arrived
           to
           the
           years
           of
           those
           Men
           ,
           who
           think
           no
           Country
           deserving
           of
           their
           Notice
           ,
           but
           that
           in
           which
           they
           were
           born
           ,
           so
           my
           Inclinations
           are
           wholly
           different
           from
           theirs
           .
           In
           short
           ,
           I
           was
           forc'd
           to
           make
           a
           loose
           from
           Old
           England
           ,
           and
           since
           I
           had
           no
           green
           Turf
           of
           my
           own
           to
           tread
           upon
           ,
           in
           it
           ,
           I
           was
           resolv'd
           to
           set
           Sail
           for
           a
           place
           ,
           whither
           few
           ,
           but
           those
           in
           the
           same
           condition
           with
           my self
           ,
           would
           direct
           their
           Course
           .
        
         
           And
           as
           it
           was
           not
           impossible
           but
           I
           might
           recover
           the
           esteem
           of
           my
           Friends
           ,
           which
           I
           had
           unhappily
           lost
           ;
           so
           I
           was
           resolv'd
           against
           my
           coming
           again
           into
           favour
           ,
           to
           furnish
           my self
           with
           some
           Story
           or
           other
           to
           entertain
           their
           Maids
           with
           ,
           like
           other
           young
           Travellers
           ,
           in
           order
           to
           continue
           in
           their
           esteem
           .
           For
           it
           's
           as
           common
           now
           ,
           for
           an
           insinuating
           Servant
           to
           alienate
           a
           Mothers
           affection
           from
           her
           Son
           ,
           or
           a
           Sisters
           from
           her
           Brother
           ,
           as
           it
           is
           for
           'em
           to
           lie
           with
           their
           Masters
           ,
           or
           wear
           their
           Mistresses
           old
           Cloaths
           .
        
         
           Pursuant
           to
           to
           these
           Inclinations
           ,
           I
           pick't
           up
           what
           Money
           I
           could
           ,
           and
           went
           Aboard
           the
           Owners-Love
           ,
           a
           Ship
           in
           the
           River
           which
           was
           bound
           for
           Ireland
           ;
           The
           Commander
           had
           laid
           in
           Vsquebaugh
           and
           Wine
           enough
           ,
           and
           so
           I
           held
           my self
           contented
           :
           and
           what
           added
           to
           my
           satisfaction
           ,
           was
           ,
           that
           I
           did
           not
           want
           for
           Company
           to
           divert
           my self
           with
           ,
           during
           my
           Voyage
           .
           Three
           of
           the
           Directors
           of
           the
           Old
           East-India-Company
           had
           just
           brought
           in
           their
           Goods
           before
           I
           came
           aboard
           ,
           and
           several
           who
           had
           considerable
           Posts
           in
           the
           Office
           of
           Land-Credit
           were
           making
           the
           best
           of
           their
           way
           off
           with
           'em
           ;
           we
           had
           also
           a
           Bawd
           ,
           who
           had
           been
           forc'd
           to
           quit
           her
           Venerable
           Station
           ,
           on
           account
           of
           the
           Act
           against
           Prophanness
           and
           Immorality
           ;
           and
           a
           Poet
           who
           had
           lost
           all
           hopes
           of
           a
           good
           third
           Day
           in
           England
           ,
           since
           Mr.
           
           Collier's
           
             Short
             View
             of
             the
          
           English
           Stage
           had
           made
           its
           appearance
           in
           publick
           .
           For
           my
           part
           ,
           I
           thought
           the
           Man
           of
           Metre
           much
           in
           the
           right
           ,
           and
           since
           Hot-Beds
           are
           generally
           made
           out
           of
           Dunghills
           ,
           the
           only
           way
           to
           ripen
           and
           secure
           the
           growth
           of
           his
           Muse
           ,
           was
           to
           transplant
           her
           to
           an
           Isle
           where
           there
           is
           nothing
           else
           .
           In
           short
           ,
           whilest
           the
           three
           Directors
           were
           railing
           against
           Heathcot
           and
           Shepherd
           ,
           and
           the
           No-Landed
           Land-Credit-Men
           were
           cursing
           Dr.
           Chamberlain
           ;
           The
           Poet
           being
           wholy
           taken
           up
           in
           biting
           his
           Nails
           ,
           and
           making
           wry
           Faces
           ,
           as
           taking
           leave
           (
           as
           I
           suppose
           )
           of
           his
           Mistress
           in
           some
           dolefull
           Sonnet
           ,
           or
           meditating
           on
           some
           Invective
           against
           Collier
           who
           had
           made
           him
           step
           aside
           ;
           I
           could
           not
           but
           take
           incitement
           from
           his
           odd
           sort
           of
           Gestures
           ,
           to
           attempt
           something
           in
           Verse
           too
           ;
           and
           since
           I
           had
           learn'd
           something
           by
           playing
           at
           Crambo
           formerly
           with
           my
           Mothers
           Maids
           ,
           and
           could
           Write
           and
           Read
           (
           the
           chief
           Excellencies
           of
           Poets
           now
           a
           days
           )
           I
           e'en
           went
           above-deck
           ,
           and
           took
           my
           leave
           of
           that
           Famous
           City
           ,
           which
           fled
           from
           our
           sight
           ,
           as
           we
           fled
           from
           it
           ,
           by
           Penning
           down
           the
           following
           Lines
           .
        
         
           
           
             I.
             
          
           
             FArewell
             ,
             Thou
             Seat
             of
             Empire
             and
             of
             Fame
             ,
          
           
             Great
             in
             thy
             Power
             ,
             and
             awfull
             in
             thy
             Name
          
           
             Whose
             Turrets
             tho'
             to
             Heav'n
             they
             rise
          
           
             And
             strike
             with
             pain
             the
             Searchers
             eyes
             ,
          
           
             Are
             now
             ,
             just
             now
             ,
             removing
             from
             my
             sight
             ,
          
           
             My
             present
             grief
             ,
             but
             past
             delight
             ,
          
           
             Whom
             I
             ,
             forsaken
             by
             my
             Friends
             must
             leave
             ,
          
           
             And
             leaving
             must
             for
             ever
             grieve
             ,
          
           
             Torn
             from
             the
             Embraces
             of
             a
             Parents
             love
             ,
          
           
             When
             I
             a
             Parents
             kindness
             could
             improve
             .
          
           
             Condemn'd
             to
             be
             an
             Exile
             and
             Forlorn
          
           
             My
             Friends
             contempt
             ,
             and
             my
             Relations
             scorn
             ,
          
           
             As
             I
             from
             all
             my
             hopes
             ,
             and
             Thee
             remove
             .
          
        
         
           
             II.
             
          
           
             But
             tho'
             I
             am
             lost
             to
             Fortune
             ,
             and
             am
             made
          
           
             The
             sport
             of
             Chance
             ,
             and
             slighted
             and
             betray'd
             ;
          
           
             Tho'
             I
             my
             Country
             ,
             and
             my
             Parent
             shun
             ,
          
           
             Yet
             I
             am
             still
             a
             Subject
             and
             a
             Son.
          
           
             And
             still
             I
             'll
             pay
             ,
             and
             still
             I
             'll
             show
          
           
             The
             duties
             which
             I
             owe
             ,
          
           
             Still
             shall
             my
             Country
             and
             my
             Parent
             share
             ,
          
           
             A
             Sons
             and
             Subjects
             Prayer
             ,
          
           
             And
             in
             what
             place
             soever
             Fate
             shall
             please
          
           
             To
             end
             my
             sufferings
             ,
             and
             my
             grief
             ;
          
           
             Whither
             on
             Land
             I
             perish
             ,
             or
             the
             Seas
          
           
             Give
             me
             the
             wish'd
             for
             death
             ,
             and
             sure
             releif
             .
          
        
         
           
             III.
             
          
           
             Hear
             me
             Oh
             Heaven
             !
             and
             Record
             the
             Vow
          
           
             Which
             I
             am
             offering
             now
             ,
          
           
             May
             I
             ne're
             tast
             thy
             Blessings
             ,
             or
             receive
          
           
             Abatement
             of
             those
             Ills
             for
             which
             I
             grieve
          
           
             If
             my
             last
             words
             (
             do
             thou
             but
             grant
             me
             speech
          
           
             To
             ask
             thy
             Mercy
             ,
             and
             thy
             Throne
             beseech
             )
          
           
             Mention
             not
             them
             ,
             and
             for
             their
             welfare
             pour
          
           
             A
             Flood
             of
             tears
             ,
             grant
             Heaven
             a
             grateful
             shower
             ;
          
           
             Since
             She
             who
             gave
             me
             breath
             ,
             should
             have
             my
             Prayers
             ,
          
           
             And
             She
             where
             I
             was
             born
             partake
             of
             all
             my
             Tears
             .
          
        
         
           
             IV.
             
          
           
             And
             ye
             Augusta's
             walls
             which
             now
             contain
          
           
             My
             only
             joy
             ,
             and
             yet
             my
             only
             pain
             ,
          
           
             Preserve
             her
             safe
             whose
             abscence
             now
             I
             mourn
             ,
          
           
             And
             from
             whose
             sight
             I
             down
             the
             stream
             am
             born
             ,
          
           
             Let
             Angels
             guard
             her
             ,
             tho'
             she
             now
             can
             bear
          
           
             A
             Son's
             departure
             and
             without
             a
             tear
             ,
          
           
             And
             if
             she
             once
             shall
             please
             to
             spend
             a
             Thought
          
           
             On
             what
             I
             was
             ,
             and
             what
             I
             only
             sought
             :
          
        
         
           
           
             V.
             
          
           
             Then
             shall
             I
             joy
             for
             being
             thus
             distress'd
             ,
          
           
             And
             bless
             those
             Foes
             who
             would
             not
             have
             me
             bless'd
             :
          
           
             But
             't
             is
             too
             late
             ,
             the
             Winds
             and
             Waves
             are
             joyn'd
          
           
             To
             waft
             me
             from
             her
             Sight
             and
             from
             her
             Mind
             ;
          
           
             Tho'
             She
             ,
             and
             only
             She
             shall
             have
             a
             part
          
           
             In
             mine
             ,
             whose
             Image
             only
             fills
             my
             Heart
             .
          
           
             And
             all
             I
             'll
             ask
             for
             ,
             or
             implore
          
           
             From
             Fortune's
             Bounty
             and
             her
             Store
             ,
          
           
             Is
             ,
             that
             She
             may
             continue
             to
             receive
          
           
             Those
             Blessings
             which
             for
             lost
             I
             grieve
             ;
          
           
             And
             I
             'll
             no
             other
             wish
             ,
             but
             this
             prefer
             ,
          
           
             Losing
             my
             Sorrows
             in
             my
             Ioys
             for
             Her.
             
          
        
         
           These
           were
           the
           hasty
           Thoughts
           I
           committed
           to
           Paper
           ;
           and
           I
           who
           retir'd
           to
           my
           Muse
           to
           divert
           my self
           ,
           found
           that
           instead
           of
           removing
           from
           the
           Ideas
           of
           those
           Troubles
           I
           would
           have
           avoided
           ,
           I
           had
           by
           making
           Application
           to
           Her
           ,
           a
           more
           lively
           Representation
           of
           '
           em
           .
           Wherefore
           I
           return'd
           again
           to
           my
           Company
           ,
           whom
           I
           found
           sitting
           in
           for
           a
           hearty
           Cup
           ,
           the
           only
           Preservative
           against
           Melancholly
           .
           You
           may
           judge
           I
           wanted
           not
           many
           Persuasions
           to
           make
           one
           among
           'em
           ,
           and
           to
           endeavour
           the
           dislodgment
           of
           a
           Guest
           ,
           which
           had
           taken
           up
           free
           Quarters
           ,
           and
           liv'd
           at
           descretion
           ,
           as
           the
           Temper
           I
           was
           then
           in
           had
           .
           Accordingly
           I
           pledg'd
           the
           Bawd
           ,
           who
           I
           must
           tell
           you
           ,
           took
           something
           of
           a
           liking
           to
           me
           ,
           and
           did
           me
           the
           honour
           to
           drink
           to
           me
           so
           heartily
           ,
           and
           I
           over
           my
           left
           Thumb
           ,
           
             Et
             sic
             deinceps
          
           ;
           that
           the
           East-India
           Bankrupts
           had
           quite
           forgot
           that
           another
           Company
           had
           got
           the
           Royal
           Establishment
           ,
           the
           Land-Credit
           Men
           were
           in
           such
           a
           Temper
           ,
           as
           if
           the
           Iron
           Chests
           they
           have
           laid
           in
           at
           their
           Office
           in
           Queen-street
           ,
           were
           full
           of
           those
           Millions
           the
           Undertaker
           propos'd
           to
           have
           in
           'em
           ;
           and
           the
           Virginity
           Broker
           ,
           and
           the
           Haberdasher
           of
           Hexameters
           were
           as
           merry
           ,
           as
           if
           each
           of
           'em
           had
           Acts
           of
           Parliament
           for
           their
           respective
           Employs
           :
           And
           I
           ,
           for
           my
           part
           ,
           with
           my
           illuminated
           Phiz
           ,
           and
           my
           Eyes
           ready
           to
           drop
           out
           of
           my
           Head
           ,
           had
           such
           entertaining
           Conceptions
           ,
           that
           I
           could
           not
           but
           imagine
           my
           Fortunes
           bore
           a
           Proportion
           to
           my
           Countenance
           ,
           and
           had
           never
           been
           under
           any
           such
           thing
           as
           an
           Eclypse
           .
           In
           short
           ,
           not
           to
           be
           tedious
           ,
           we
           did
           not
           spare
           the
           Bottle
           during
           our
           Voyage
           ,
           and
           had
           such
           a
           smooth
           Passage
           over
           St.
           George
           his
           Channel
           ,
           as
           if
           Neptune
           had
           known
           us
           all
           to
           be
           Bankrupts
           ,
           and
           consequently
           not
           worth
           the
           drowning
           ;
           since
           we
           had
           nothing
           to
           feed
           his
           Luxury
           with
           but
           our
           Flesh
           ,
           and
           that
           was
           meat
           hardly
           good
           enough
           for
           the
           Fish.
           But
           since
           the
           Reader
           may
           be
           in
           haste
           to
           know
           something
           of
           the
           Country
           we
           were
           bound
           for
           ,
           I
           shall
           close
           the
           Journal
           at
           Sea
           ,
           by
           telling
           him
           we
           got
           safe
           to
           Dublin
           ;
           where
           ,
           as
           it
           was
           our
           Business
           to
           conceal
           our selves
           ,
           we
           took
           leave
           of
           one
           another
           ,
           and
           went
           to
           our
           respective
           Quarters
           .
           A
           plague
           on
           the
           place
           ;
           a
           Garret
           in
           Grub-street
           is
           one
           story
           high
           to
           it
           ,
           and
           I
           was
           forc'd
           to
           rest
           three
           or
           four
           times
           before
           I
           could
           reach
           my
           Bed
           ,
           which
           was
           nothing
           but
           a
           Quilt
           over
           some
           Rushes
           ;
           and
           this
           the
           Son
           of
           a
           Whore
           my
           Landlord
           would
           have
           Eighteen-pence
           per
           Week
           for
           .
           I
           was
           forced
           to
           submit
           for
           a
           time
           ,
           till
           I
           had
           provided
           all
           things
           for
           Travelling
           ;
           and
           so
           I
           visited
           the
           several
           Counties
           of
           which
           the
           Reader
           may
           take
           the
           following
           Account
           .
        
         
           IRELAND
           (
           at
           present
           the
           
             Land
             of
             Ire
          
           ,
           or
           Heavens
           Wrath
           )
           hath
           little
           in
           it
           ,
           now
           ,
           of
           
             God's
             Blessing
          
           ,
           and
           never
           had
           very
           much
           of
           the
           
             warm
             Sun.
          
           It
           seems
           in
           the
           Opinion
           of
           some
           ,
           to
           be
           part
           of
           the
           refuse
           of
           the
           Earth
           at
           the
           Creation
           ,
           and
           that
           when
           the
           rest
           of
           Europe
           was
           compleated
           and
           polished
           ,
           some
           of
           the
           scrapings
           and
           rubbish
           was
           cast
           out
           at
           this
           back-door
           ,
           which
           being
           half
           dried
           by
           the
           squinting
           Beams
           of
           Sol
           ,
           was
           in
           some
           measure
           dough-baked
           ,
           into
           an
           Island
           ,
           of
           what
           worth
           and
           quality
           shall
           be
           hereafter
           described
           .
        
         
           If
           Europe
           be
           compared
           to
           a
           piece
           of
           fine
           Cloath
           ,
           this
           must
           needs
           be
           some
           of
           the
           List
           ,
           or
           Fagg-end
           :
           If
           to
           a
           stately
           Palace
           ,
           this
           is
           the
           Postern
           :
           If
           to
           a
           humane
           Figure
           ,
           where
           ever
           we
           place
           the
           Head
           ,
           this
           will
           surely
           hold
           more
           proportion
           
           and
           similitude
           with
           the
           Tail
           ,
           as
           will
           appear
           upon
           farther
           Consideration
           .
        
         
           Some
           formerly
           have
           thought
           fit
           to
           call
           it
           the
           Watering-Pot
           of
           the
           Planets
           ;
           and
           the
           French
           have
           named
           it
           ,
           
             Le
             Pot●
             de
             Chambre
             du
             Diable
             ,
          
           i.
           e.
           
             the
             Devil's
             Piss-pot
          
           ,
           seldom
           dry
           ,
           but
           often
           running
           over
           ,
           the
           Rains
           falling
           down
           so
           frequently
           ,
           as
           if
           the
           Heavens
           were
           a
           wounded
           Eye
           ,
           perpetually
           weeping
           over
           it
           it
           ,
           or
           the
           Clouds
           dropping
           Spunges
           ,
        
         
           So
           fast
           it
           Rains
           ,
           and
           so
           profusely
           pours
        
         
           Heav'ns
           Liquid-Wrath
           in
           Elemental
           Show'rs
           ,
        
         
           That
           ev'n
           an
           Irish
           Doctor
           must
           disown
        
         
           The
           Clouds
           Distemper
           there
           to
           be
           the
           Stone
           ;
        
         
           But
           rather
           with
           the
           common
           Emp'ricks
           hold
           ,
        
         
           Since
           they
           so
           drop
           at
           Nose
           ,
           it
           is
           a
           Cold.
           
        
         
           And
           then
           for
           the
           often
           Gusts
           of
           Wind
           ,
           it
           may
           well
           be
           reck'ned
           ,
           as
           
             Nature's
             Bellows
          
           ;
           but
           for
           this
           ,
           they
           may
           perhaps
           have
           reason
           to
           thank
           the
           Bantamites
           ,
           who
           sowing
           so
           much
           Pepper
           yearly
           in
           the
           East-Indies
           in
           the
           Bowels
           of
           our
           Grandmother
           Earth
           ,
           it
           must
           needs
           cause
           her
           to
           break
           Wind
           backwards
           in
           these
           Western
           Parts
           ,
           where
           she
           eases
           her self
           of
           the
           Collick
           :
           What
           Advantage
           they
           reap
           by
           it
           I
           know
           not
           ,
           but
           the
           old
           Proverb
           says
           ,
           
             It
             's
             an
             ill
             Wind
             blows
             no
             one
             any
             Good.
             
          
        
         
           Says
           one
           ,
           It
           is
           a
           Frippery
           for
           Bankrupts
           ,
           or
           the
           Grand
           Hospital
           for
           such
           as
           are
           troubled
           with
           a
           Consumption
           in
           their
           Estate
           and
           Credit
           .
           But
           whatever
           it
           were
           formerly
           ,
           there
           is
           small
           hopes
           now
           that
           Strangers
           should
           be
           there
           cured
           of
           such
           desperate
           Diseases
           ,
           since
           the
           whole
           Country
           may
           well
           pass
           for
           a
           Map
           of
           general
           Misery
           and
           Poverty
           ,
           the
           Natives
           and
           Inhabitants
           being
           most
           of
           them
           the
           lively
           Portraitures
           of
           the
           Prodigal
           Lad
           in
           his
           most
           Swinish
           Condition
           ;
           so
           that
           it
           were
           no
           less
           difficult
           now
           to
           get
           into
           an
           Estate
           there
           (
           unless
           by
           the
           Conquering
           Sword
           )
           then
           to
           get
           out
           of
           their
           deepest
           Bogs
           ,
           when
           one
           is
           sinking
           ,
           and
           can
           neither
           help
           ones
           self
           out
           ,
           nor
           persuade
           Teague
           to
           assist
           ,
           unless
           St.
           Patrick
           does
           prompt
           him
           in
           a
           most
           special
           manner
           .
        
         
           Yet
           is
           the
           Soil
           in
           many
           Parts
           fat
           ,
           and
           liking
           ,
           (
           as
           Dunghils
           are
           )
           and
           were
           it
           well
           husbanded
           ,
           would
           yield
           a
           plentiful
           Encrease
           ;
           but
           what
           through
           Laziness
           ,
           and
           want
           of
           Industry
           ,
           (
           I
           speak
           of
           the
           meer
           Irish
           ,
           to
           whom
           the
           whole
           Character
           relates
           )
           and
           their
           innate
           Pride
           ,
           and
           Self-conceitedness
           ,
           which
           make
           them
           disdain
           to
           be
           taught
           by
           Foreigners
           ,
           they
           do
           so
           little
           Improve
           their
           Lands
           ,
           that
           unless
           it
           be
           themselves
           ,
           nothing
           to
           an
           ingenious
           Eye
           can
           be
           a
           sadder
           Spectacle
           .
        
         
           Inclosures
           are
           very
           rare
           amongst
           them
           ,
           and
           those
           no
           better
           fenced
           than
           an
           old
           Midwife's
           toothless
           Gums
           ,
           or
           those
           Parts
           of
           Northamptonshire
           ,
           where
           the
           Hedges
           were
           grubbed
           up
           by
           the
           Rebellious
           rout
           of
           the
           Commoners
           .
        
         
           Much
           of
           their
           Land
           is
           reserved
           for
           Grazing
           and
           Pasturage
           ;
           and
           there
           ,
           indeed
           ,
           the
           Grass
           being
           very
           sweet
           ,
           and
           holding
           a
           constant
           verdure
           ,
           it
           is
           in
           many
           Places
           so
           indented
           with
           
             Purling
             Brooks
          
           and
           Streams
           ,
           that
           their
           Meadows
           look
           like
           a
           new
           green
           Carpet
           border'd
           or
           fring'd
           with
           the
           purest
           Silver
           :
           Yet
           Hay
           is
           a
           Rarity
           amongst
           them
           ,
           and
           would
           cost
           them
           more
           Pains
           than
           they
           can
           well
           afford
           ,
           towards
           the
           making
           of
           it
           ;
           therefore
           they
           seldom
           or
           never
           trouble
           their
           Heads
           or
           Hands
           about
           it
           .
           And
           then
           for
           their
           Arable
           Ground
           ,
           it
           lies
           most
           commonly
           as
           much
           neglected
           and
           unmanured
           as
           the
           sandy
           Desarts
           of
           Arabia
           ,
           or
           a
           ranting
           Young
           
           Gallant
           's
           Old
           Bed-rid
           Spouse
           .
           And
           ,
           not
           to
           particularize
           every
           Circumstance
           ,
           their
           National
           Custom
           of
           Ploughing
           ,
           by
           tying
           their
           wooden
           Harness
           to
           the
           Horse's-Tail
           ,
           and
           that
           other
           senseless
           Improvidence
           of
           burning
           their
           Oates
           to
           save
           the
           Labour
           of
           Thrashing
           ,
           are
           two
           such
           very
           remarkable
           Proofs
           of
           their
           Husbandry
           ,
           that
           it
           would
           be
           needless
           to
           describe
           it
           further
           :
           So
           that
           whatever
           the
           Country
           be
           ,
           they
           are
           a
           
             wild
             Herd
             of
             brute
             Animals
          
           inhabiting
           ,
           but
           not
           improving
           it
           .
        
         
           This
           Sloath
           and
           Carelessness
           is
           judged
           to
           be
           one
           Reason
           why
           all
           sorts
           of
           Grain-Fruits
           are
           of
           a
           less
           and
           more
           degenerate
           growth
           ,
           than
           in
           other
           well
           Cultivated
           and
           Improved
           Countries
           (
           which
           is
           also
           noted
           in
           most
           of
           their
           Vegetables
           and
           
             Animals
             ,
             Women
          
           and
           Grey-hounds
           only
           excepted
           )
           the
           Corn
           seldom
           shoots
           up
           to
           that
           aspiring
           height
           upon
           its
           Spindle
           ,
           as
           may
           be
           seen
           elsewhere
           ,
           nor
           does
           it
           attain
           so
           full
           and
           weighty
           an
           Ear
           as
           to
           make
           it
           bend
           down
           to
           kiss
           its
           
             Mothers
             Bosom
          
           ;
           but
           grows
           
           so
           dwarfish
           ,
           thin
           ,
           and
           full
           of
           Weeds
           ,
           that
           it
           resembles
           the
           Field
           in
           the
           Parable
           ,
           which
           the
           Evil
           One
           sowed
           with
           Tares
           .
        
         
           Their
           Dwellings
           or
           Cabans
           ,
           I
           should
           more
           exactly
           describe
           if
           I
           durst
           have
           adventured
           oftner
           into
           them
           ;
           or
           could
           have
           staid
           long
           enough
           to
           have
           Survey'd
           them
           at
           my
           being
           there
           ;
           which
           I
           did
           once
           Essay
           ,
           but
           found
           it
           as
           hazardous
           almost
           ,
           as
           Orpheus
           his
           descent
           into
           Hell
           ,
           where
           there
           might
           be
           indeed
           a
           greater
           Fire
           ,
           but
           not
           more
           Smoak
           ,
           which
           thick
           Cloud
           in
           the
           midst
           of
           the
           Room
           did
           so
           
             blind
             me
          
           ,
           and
           conceal
           the
           House
           ,
           that
           I
           could
           scarce
           remember
           any
           thing
           ,
           but
           my
           sore
           Eyes
           ,
           when
           I
           came
           out
           again
           :
           Should
           they
           be
           as
           much
           troubled
           with
           that
           other
           
             noisom
             Disease
          
           of
           
             Scolding
             Wives
          
           ,
           as
           they
           are
           with
           
             Smoaky
             Houses
          
           ,
           they
           might
           well
           upon
           each
           Door
           write
           ,
           
             Lord
             have
             Mercy
             upon
             us
          
           ,
           for
           certainly
           there
           cannot
           be
           a
           greater
           Pla●ge
           .
        
         
           As
           for
           the
           outward
           Structure
           ,
           an
           
             English
             Cow
             house
          
           hath
           more
           Architecture
           far
           ;
           nay
           ,
           my
           
             Lord
             Mayor's
             Dog-kennel
          
           is
           a
           Palace
           compared
           to
           them
           :
           and
           for
           sweetness
           ,
           I
           have
           heard
           many
           affirm
           ,
           that
           the
           soulest
           Corner
           about
           the
           Bear-garden
           is
           Musk
           and
           Amber
           to
           their
           
             sweetest
             Rooms
          
           .
        
         
           The
           Walls
           are
           made
           of
           meer
           Mud
           ,
           mixed
           with
           a
           little
           wet
           Straw
           ,
           the
           Covering
           is
           Thatch
           ;
           the
           Floor
           Earth
           ;
           which
           ,
           by
           reason
           of
           the
           constant
           Rains
           ,
           is
           generally
           so
           damp
           ,
           that
           they
           may
           be
           said
           to
           live
           over
           a
           Bog
           ;
           and
           the
           Thatch
           so
           ill
           thrashed
           ,
           that
           (
           by
           the
           sprouting
           of
           the
           left
           Corn
           ,
           which
           often
           springs
           up
           green
           )
           it
           may
           be
           added
           ,
           they
           live
           under
           a
           Meadow
           ;
           or
           (
           as
           a
           Person
           of
           Honour
           said
           of
           the
           like
           place
           ,
           to
           which
           he
           most
           aptly
           compared
           the
           
             Long
             ,
             long
             Parliament
          
           )
           they
           have
           green
           Ears
           over
           their
           Heads
           ,
           and
           a
           false
           Ground
           under
           their
           Feet
           .
        
         
           The
           Beds
           are
           upon
           such
           a
           firm
           Foundation
           ,
           that
           nothing
           but
           an
           Earthquake
           can
           move
           them
           ;
           Instead
           of
           Feathers
           or
           Flocks
           ,
           they
           use
           Rushes
           or
           Straw
           ,
           which
           serves
           them
           without
           changing
           ,
           till
           cast
           Horse-litter
           is
           a
           fragrant
           Nosegay
           to
           it
           ,
           and
           
           Iacob's
           sweet
           Lodging
           on
           the
           
             fresh
             Grass
          
           ,
           compared
           to
           it
           ,
           is
           like
           the
           Pleasure
           of
           the
           Marriage-Bed
           .
        
         
           Sheets
           they
           never
           provide
           ,
           and
           to
           tell
           the
           
             naked
             Truth
          
           ,
           unless
           they
           can
           purchase
           a
           poor
           Cadow
           ,
           which
           is
           not
           often
           ,
           they
           ligg
           together
           like
           Adam
           and
           Eve
           before
           the
           Fall
           ,
           not
           a
           Rag
           to
           cover
           them
           ,
           but
           themselves
           :
           Which
           may
           be
           one
           reason
           why
           they
           so
           multiply
           ;
           for
           being
           necessitated
           to
           keep
           together
           for
           warmth
           ,
           they
           ingender
           as
           thick
           as
           Fly-blows
           ,
           each
           little
           Hutt
           being
           as
           full
           of
           Children
           ,
           as
           a
           Conney-Burrough
           in
           a
           well
           stock'd
           Warren
           is
           of
           Rabbits
           .
        
         
           They
           seldom
           have
           any
           Partitions
           or
           several
           Rooms
           ,
           but
           sleep
           in
           common
           with
           their
           Swine
           and
           Poultrey
           :
           and
           for
           second
           or
           third
           Story
           you
           may
           look
           long
           enough
           e're
           you
           find
           any
           .
           Windows
           would
           discover
           their
           Poverty
           and
           Sluttery
           too
           much
           ,
           and
           a
           Chimney
           is
           reckoned
           as
           superfluous
           as
           a
           Steeple
           at
           a
           new
           sangled
           Conventicle
           :
           The
           Door
           which
           perhaps
           is
           as
           irregular
           and
           multiform
           as
           a
           new
           made
           breach
           in
           a
           Wall
           ,
           serving
           both
           to
           let
           in
           the
           Light
           ,
           and
           let
           out
           the
           Smoak
           ;
           so
           that
           you
           may
           guess
           their
           Abodes
           are
           pleasant
           and
           airy
           as
           a
           Dungeon
           ,
           and
           unless
           they
           be
           compared
           to
           one
           another
           ,
           each
           of
           them
           may
           very
           properly
           be
           called
           None-such
           .
        
         
           Their
           Women
           generally
           are
           very
           little
           beholding
           to
           Nature
           for
           their
           Beauty
           ,
           and
           less
           to
           Art
           :
           one
           may
           safely
           Swear
           they
           use
           no
           Painting
           ,
           or
           such
           like
           auxiliary
           aids
           of
           Fucuses
           ,
           being
           so
           averse
           to
           that
           kind
           of
           Curiosity
           ,
           (
           tho'
           they
           have
           as
           much
           need
           thereof
           as
           any
           I
           ever
           yet
           beheld
           )
           that
           one
           would
           think
           they
           never
           had
           their
           faces
           wash'd
           but
           at
           their
           Baptism
           .
           To
           whom
           the
           perpetual
           Smoak
           within
           Doors
           ,
           and
           want
           of
           a
           Bon-grace
           without
           ,
           does
           add
           such
           a
           tincture
           of
           Complexion
           ,
           that
           a
           Ploughman's
           Sun-burnt
           hand
           ,
           or
           a
           Seaman's
           weather-beaten
           face
           ,
           is
           Snow
           and
           Cream
           to
           it
           :
           So
           that
           one
           need
           not
           fear
           much
           temptation
           ,
           they
           being
           ,
           indeed
           ,
           meer
           Scare-Crows
           ,
           and
           their
           Phisiognomies
           such
           a
           defence
           ,
           such
           a
           spell
           for
           their
           Plackets
           ,
           such
           a
           refrigeratory
           '
           against
           the
           flames
           of
           Lust
           ,
           that
           in
           the
           Day-light
           they
           are
           secure
           from
           any
           violent
           attempt
           upon
           their
           Chastity
           ,
           though
           in
           the
           Night
           they
           may
           pass
           Muster
           ,
           and
           the
           push
           of
           Pike
           ,
           when
           Ioan
           is
           as
           good
           as
           my
           Lady
           .
        
         
           Their
           Bodies
           are
           of
           a
           tolerable
           proportion
           ,
           and
           to
           be
           born
           withal
           ,
           but
           then
           are
           they
           mounted
           on
           such
           mishapen
           Trussels
           or
           Supporters
           ,
           that
           whenever
           any
           Man
           desires
           to
           try
           the
           Pleasure
           of
           their
           Embraces
           ,
           he
           will
           be
           sure
           (
           as
           a
           witty
           Gentleman
           observed
           )
           to
           lay
           their
           
             Legs
             aside
          
           .
           Their
           Breasts
           are
           excepted
           against
           by
           some
           ,
           for
           being
           of
           the
           same
           size
           with
           their
           Buttocks
           :
           and
           their
           Hands
           are
           so
           tann'd
           leather'd
           ,
           that
           Gloves
           were
           but
           thrown
           away
           upon
           them
           .
        
         
         
           Amorous
           they
           are
           as
           Doves
           ,
           but
           not
           altogether
           so
           chast
           as
           Turtles
           ,
           desiring
           as
           much
           to
           be
           billing
           ,
           and
           very
           frequently
           bringing
           forth
           Twins
           ,
           as
           the
           others
           hatch
           young
           ones
           by
           Pairs
           .
           There
           needs
           no
           great
           Ceremony
           or
           Courtship
           ,
           for
           if
           they
           yield
           not
           at
           first
           Summons
           upon
           Composition
           ,
           a
           slight
           attack
           wins
           the
           Fortress
           ,
           and
           one
           may
           soon
           enter
           .
           These
           old
           Texts
           being
           Orthodox
           amongst
           them
           ,
           
             Touch
             and
             take
             ,
             Laugh
             and
             lye
             down
             ,
             Vp
             and
             ride
             ,
          
           and
           so
           to
           the
           end
           of
           the
           Chapter
           .
        
         
           On
           a
           design
           of
           Marriage
           they
           are
           not
           scrupulous
           or
           cautious
           ,
           and
           so
           far
           from
           selling
           a
           Pig
           in
           a
           Poke
           ,
           that
           it
           is
           not
           unusual
           for
           the
           Man
           to
           mount
           the
           Beast
           ,
           before
           he
           binds
           the
           Bargain
           ;
           so
           that
           't
           is
           no
           strange
           thing
           amongst
           them
           ,
           to
           make
           a
           Maid
           a
           
             Whore
             first
          
           ,
           and
           then
           to
           make
           that
           Whore
           his
           Wife
           afterwards
           ;
           like
           a
           Sloven
           that
           first
           makes
           a
           Close-stool
           of
           his
           own
           Hat
           ,
           and
           then
           claps
           it
           upon
           his
           own
           Head.
           Thus
           rather
           than
           want
           Horns
           ,
           they
           will
           have
           some
           of
           their
           own
           graffing
           ,
           antidating
           themselves
           Cuckolds
           ;
           and
           having
           taught
           their
           Wives
           this
           Lesson
           so
           early
           ,
           who
           can
           wonder
           if
           they
           practise
           it
           afterwards
           ;
           a
           
             new
             Cask
          
           still
           retains
           a
           touch
           of
           its
           first
           Seasoning
           ,
           and
           when
           once
           such
           young
           Colts
           find
           the
           Gap
           of
           Liberty
           set
           open
           ,
           they
           will
           frisk
           out
           of
           the
           Bounds
           of
           all
           Modesty
           ,
           and
           never
           leave
           running
           till
           they
           have
           brought
           their
           Husbands
           to
           Cuckolds-Point
           .
        
         
           The
           Men
           are
           notorious
           Thieves
           ,
           and
           very
           Skilful
           at
           
             Leger
             de
             main
          
           ,
           for
           which
           Trade
           ,
           both
           Nature
           and
           Fortune
           seem
           to
           have
           fitted
           them
           ;
           For
           as
           they
           are
           miserably
           Poor
           ,
           so
           they
           are
           more
           Impudent
           than
           a
           Court-Page
           ,
           or
           an
           Italian
           Curtezan
           ,
           and
           have
           made
           it
           a
           common
           Practice
           to
           enter
           into
           any
           House
           without
           the
           Civility
           of
           craving
           leave
           ,
           or
           knocking
           at
           the
           Door
           ;
           and
           being
           once
           in
           ,
           they
           have
           no
           creaking
           Shoes
           to
           betray
           them
           ,
           but
           either
           they
           wear
           Broags
           ,
           a
           kind
           of
           thin
           Pumps
           ,
           or
           else
           make
           so
           bold
           with
           Nature
           as
           to
           use
           their
           
             bare
             feet
          
           :
           If
           they
           spy
           any
           portable
           Prize
           ,
           their
           Hands
           are
           like
           Lime-twigs
           ,
           and
           the
           Prey
           shall
           hardly
           escape
           them
           ;
           nor
           are
           they
           ever
           unprovided
           of
           a
           Cloak
           or
           Mantle
           (
           large
           as
           a
           
             Iesuite's
             Conscience
          
           )
           to
           spread
           over
           their
           Knavery
           ;
           And
           lastly
           ,
           for
           Agility
           and
           swiftness
           of
           retreat
           ,
           they
           may
           compare
           with
           Mercury
           himself
           ,
           being
           ever
           in
           a
           running
           Posture
           ,
           and
           always
           setting
           the
           best
           foot
           foremost
           .
        
         
           Surely
           ,
           of
           all
           People
           they
           are
           the
           least
           troubled
           with
           Corns
           upon
           their
           Toes
           ,
           they
           walk
           so
           soundly
           ;
           but
           amongst
           a
           thousand
           of
           their
           Hands
           ,
           I
           do
           not
           think
           one
           Finger
           could
           be
           pickt
           out
           that
           were
           not
           tainted
           with
           an
           Itch
           after
           unlawful
           Gain
           ,
           or
           infected
           with
           a
           Felony
           ,
           for
           so
           much
           sweetness
           do
           they
           fancy
           in
           the
           relish
           of
           Stolen-Goods
           ,
           that
           they
           have
           little
           gusto
           for
           any
           other
           .
        
         
           It
           is
           an
           usual
           Saying
           ,
           That
           
             a
             good
             Face
             needs
             no
             Band
             ,
             and
             a
             bad
             one
             deserves
             none
          
           ;
           which
           may
           be
           a
           reason
           why
           these
           are
           so
           ill
           accoutred
           and
           negligent
           in
           their
           Apparel
           ;
           tho'
           if
           the
           extreme
           Poverty
           of
           the
           generality
           be
           consider'd
           (
           which
           yet
           proceeds
           from
           their
           own
           sloath
           ,
           their
           Condition
           being
           much
           like
           
           Iob's
           upon
           the
           Dunghil
           )
           we
           shall
           find
           more
           cause
           to
           pity
           ,
           than
           wonder
           at
           them
           .
           Once
           a
           Year
           ,
           perhaps
           ,
           their
           Stock
           may
           swell
           to
           the
           purchase
           of
           a
           frieze
           Garment
           of
           a
           
             brace
             of
             Two-pences
             the
             bundle
          
           ;
           higher
           it
           can
           hardly
           reach
           ,
           whatever
           their
           Ambition
           prompt
           them
           to
           :
           a
           coarse
           out-side
           ,
           indeed
           ,
           yet
           most
           think
           it
           suteable
           enough
           to
           the
           lining
           within
           ,
           for
           a
           
             Loam
             Wall
          
           deserves
           but
           a
           mean
           Hanging
           .
        
         
           The
           Females
           have
           a
           Head
           Attire
           ,
           which
           they
           call
           Kerchers
           :
           among
           the
           better
           Sort
           it
           is
           made
           of
           Linnen
           ,
           but
           seldom
           so
           white
           as
           a
           Dutch-man's
           Sail
           :
           whilst
           the
           common
           Trull's
           cannot
           possibly
           be
           any
           thing
           ,
           but
           an
           old
           Rag
           turned
           out
           of
           other
           Service
           ,
           or
           the
           flappet
           of
           a
           Month-worn
           Smock
           reprieved
           from
           the
           Wash-bowl
           ;
           and
           yet
           ,
           as
           one
           said
           of
           the
           like
           Sluttery
           ,
           the
           poor
           remnant
           looks
           as
           briskly
           as
           if
           it
           were
           promised
           for
           the
           next
           whole
           quarter
           to
           escape
           many
           a
           scowring
           .
        
         
           Flesh-bags
           they
           may
           ,
           some
           of
           them
           ,
           have
           for
           the
           Day
           ,
           but
           at
           Night
           they
           ever
           uncase
           themselves
           and
           ligg
           in
           the
           woollen
           ,
           if
           their
           Wits
           can
           gather
           enough
           to
           cover
           them
           ,
           otherwise
           they
           nustle
           together
           in
           Litter
           with
           the
           Sow
           and
           Pigs
           ,
           being
           all
           of
           a
           Family
           :
           But
           their
           Smocks
           cannot
           properly
           be
           called
           Changes
           ,
           for
           they
           seldom
           allow
           themselves
           more
           than
           one
           ,
           till
           that
           be
           worn
           out
           ,
           which
           is
           used
           till
           it
           be
           fit
           to
           be
           torn
           off
           their
           Backs
           for
           touch
           to
           light
           Tobacco
           as
           they
           sit
           in
           the
           Fields
           ,
           as
           I
           have
           seen
           them
           do
           .
           Thus
           the
           Smock
           is
           at
           last
           turned
           into
           Smoak
           ,
           having
           first
           struck
           fire
           in
           the
           
             Devil's
             Tinder-box
          
           the
           
             Tobacco
             Pipe
          
           ,
           which
           one
           wittily
           compares
           to
           the
           Passion
           of
           Love
           ,
           thus
           :
        
         
           So
           fares
           it
           with
           an
           Amorous
           Desire
           ;
        
         
           The
           more
           't
           is
           kiss'd
           ,
           the
           more
           't
           is
           set
           on
           fire
           .
        
         
         
           Their
           Petticoats
           ,
           if
           any
           ,
           are
           of
           as
           many
           several
           Colours
           as
           a
           Tailor's
           fundamental
           Cushion
           ;
           to
           which
           the
           Wastcoat
           is
           the
           fittest
           match
           that
           can
           be
           ,
           and
           cross
           their
           Shoulders
           a
           Linnen
           shroud
           of
           the
           same
           hue
           of
           a
           Winding
           sheet
           after
           some
           Years
           burial
           .
           Shoes
           are
           above
           their
           Price
           ,
           neither
           are
           Broags
           a
           Purchase
           for
           every
           one
           ;
           No
           ,
           they
           stand
           more
           upon
           their
           Feet
           than
           so
           ,
           and
           for
           Stockings
           they
           have
           a
           very
           cheap
           and
           durable
           Mode
           ,
           one
           Pair
           lasting
           their
           whole
           Pilgrimage
           ,
           and
           those
           no
           other
           than
           
             Nature's
             knitting
          
           ,
           which
           sit
           close
           ,
           and
           so
           tight
           ,
           it
           saves
           the
           labour
           of
           Gart'ring
           ;
           having
           no
           great
           fault
           ,
           but
           their
           too
           much
           Calf
           .
        
         
           Complements
           are
           as
           seldom
           used
           among
           them
           ,
           as
           the
           
             Common
             Prayers
          
           among
           the
           Non-Cons
           ;
           you
           might
           as
           soon
           teach
           an
           Elephant
           to
           cut
           a
           Caper
           ,
           as
           bring
           one
           of
           them
           to
           make
           a
           handsome
           Leg
           :
           Such
           Block-heads
           have
           they
           ,
           that
           't
           is
           a
           trouble
           to
           them
           to
           pull
           off
           their
           Hats
           ;
           which
           done
           ,
           shall
           be
           seconded
           with
           a
           Speech
           containing
           less
           sense
           and
           reason
           than
           that
           of
           
           Balaam's
           Ass
           ;
           and
           to
           be
           sure
           must
           either
           be
           usher'd
           in
           ,
           or
           out
           ,
           with
           a
           
             By
             Chreesht
          
           and
           St.
           Patrick
           ,
           or
           an
           Elegant-Curse
           ,
           or
           two
           :
           But
           for
           this
           Nonsense
           perhaps
           their
           Nurses
           are
           to
           be
           condemn'd
           ,
           who
           (
           especially
           in
           Vlster
           )
           when
           they
           suckle
           their
           young
           Babes
           ,
           if
           they
           chance
           to
           have
           a
           Cold
           in
           their
           Heads
           ,
           seldom
           or
           never
           wipe
           their
           Noses
           ,
           but
           suck
           them
           with
           their
           Mouths
           so
           hard
           ,
           that
           ,
           as
           one
           observed
           ,
           't
           is
           very
           probable
           that
           they
           suck
           out
           all
           their
           Brains
           ,
           and
           leave
           them
           for
           ever
           after
           empty
           Skull'd
           .
           
             I
             wonder
          
           ,
           said
           one
           ,
           to
           an
           Irishman
           ,
           
             that
             being
             Thirty
             Years
             of
             Age
             ,
             and
             having
             travel'd
             through
             the
             best
             Part
             of
             the
             World
             ,
             you
             should
             be
             so
             great
             a
             Fool
             still
             .
             That
             's
             no
             wonder
             ,
          
           replies
           another
           ;
           
             but
             the
             greater
             wonder
             is
             ,
             that
             there
             should
             be
             a
             whole
             Kingdom
             of
             such
             Fools
             .
          
        
         
           Shirts
           are
           no
           less
           out
           of
           date
           among
           the
           Teagues
           than
           Surplices
           among
           the
           Dissenters
           ;
           so
           that
           one
           may
           guess
           what
           poor
           shift
           they
           make
           to
           keep
           their
           Bodies
           sweet
           :
           and
           may
           not
           this
           be
           one
           reason
           why
           they
           so
           much
           dread
           to
           hear
           one
           break
           wind
           at
           the
           Postern
           ?
           The
           intolerable
           fustiness
           that
           must
           needs
           lye
           lurking
           in
           their
           unlined
           Breeches
           ,
           adding
           a
           stench
           beyond
           the
           
             Devil's
             Pomander
          
           :
           Otherwise
           they
           do
           not
           appear
           so
           over-nice
           and
           curious
           ,
           nor
           would
           they
           contradict
           the
           Proverb
           ,
           That
           
             Every
             Man's
             Tayl
             smells
             sweet
             in
             his
             own
             Nose
             :
          
           Neither
           would
           they
           let
           fly
           so
           often
           above-board
           ,
           for
           they
           will
           belch
           as
           loud
           as
           Pot-guns
           ,
           and
           as
           often
           as
           a
           Lover
           in
           absence
           breathes
           his
           amorous
           Sighs
           :
           But
           add
           to
           the
           rest
           the
           straitness
           of
           their
           Breeches
           ,
           called
           Trowsers
           ,
           which
           sit
           as
           close
           as
           a
           Jealous
           Wife
           to
           her
           Husband's
           Tayl
           ,
           and
           you
           need
           not
           wonder
           at
           their
           backward
           Modesty
           .
        
         
           Some
           count
           them
           naturally
           hospitable
           ,
           but
           if
           they
           are
           so
           ,
           it
           is
           after
           such
           an
           ill-favour'd
           manner
           ,
           that
           't
           is
           like
           the
           giving
           an
           Alms
           in
           a
           
             nasty
             Clout
          
           ,
           which
           Necessity
           may
           make
           welcome
           ,
           but
           the
           greatest
           Charity
           cannot
           account
           Decent
           .
        
         
           Bonny-Clabber
           and
           Mulahaan
           ,
           alias
           
             Sower
             Milk
          
           ,
           and
           Choak-Cheese
           ,
           with
           a
           Dish
           of
           Potatoes
           boiled
           ,
           is
           their
           general
           Entertainment
           ,
           to
           which
           add
           an
           
             Oat
             cake
          
           ,
           and
           it
           compleats
           their
           
             Bill
             of
             Fare
          
           ,
           unless
           they
           intend
           to
           shew
           their
           excessive
           Prodigality
           ,
           and
           tempt
           your
           Appetite
           with
           a
           Dozen
           of
           Eggs
           extraordinary
           ,
           which
           many
           times
           ,
           instead
           of
           being
           new-laid
           ,
           prove
           like
           over-ridden
           Wenches
           ,
           either
           rotten
           ,
           or
           else
           having
           a
           young
           Chick
           in
           the
           belly
           of
           '
           em
           .
           After
           this
           ,
           comes
           Tobacco
           ;
           which
           you
           must
           either
           take
           in
           Smoak
           ,
           or
           Snuff
           ,
           if
           you
           will
           be
           good
           Company
           ,
           while
           they
           sit
           Chewing
           it
           with
           as
           much
           eagerness
           and
           desire
           ,
           as
           the
           longing
           great-bellied
           Woman
           did
           bite
           at
           the
           fat
           Man's
           Breech
           .
           And
           for
           a
           close
           to
           all
           this
           Treat
           (
           
             a
             la
             Grandezza
          
           )
           the
           Mistress
           shall
           produce
           her
           Moornaun
           of
           
             Sower
             Milk
          
           ,
           and
           having
           stript
           up
           her
           sleeve
           to
           the
           Shoulder
           ,
           she
           thrusts
           up
           to
           the
           Arm-pits
           ,
           and
           stirring
           the
           Curds
           at
           the
           bottom
           with
           her
           Hands
           ,
           she
           then
           presents
           you
           with
           the
           Liquor
           ,
           and
           if
           you
           like
           it
           ,
           you
           may
           fill
           your
           Belly
           with
           her
           Kindness
           till
           you
           are
           satisfied
           .
        
         
           I
           have
           heard
           it
           affirmed
           also
           ,
           by
           knowing
           Persons
           in
           this
           Country
           ,
           that
           in
           some
           Parts
           of
           it
           ,
           they
           have
           a
           way
           of
           making
           a
           Soupe
           ,
           beyond
           all
           the
           
             French
             Pottages
          
           in
           Vogue
           ;
           the
           way
           is
           thus
           ,
           A
           Dame
           of
           the
           better
           sort
           ,
           having
           had
           the
           good
           Fortune
           to
           boil
           a
           piece
           of
           very
           fat
           Pork
           ,
           till
           a
           great
           part
           of
           it
           is
           run
           into
           an
           Oil
           swimming
           on
           the
           top
           ,
           she
           strips
           of
           her
           Smock
           ,
           dips
           it
           therein
           till
           it
           has
           soaked
           up
           all
           the
           Grease
           ;
           then
           puts
           it
           on
           her
           Body
           ,
           and
           so
           wears
           it
           some
           days
           to
           smoothen
           her
           Skin
           ,
           and
           supple
           her
           Ioints
           ;
           now
           if
           afterwards
           there
           be
           occasion
           ,
           and
           no
           store
           of
           other
           Provision
           about
           the
           Cabban
           ,
           off
           comes
           this
           anointed
           Garment
           again
           ,
           which
           being
           boiled
           in
           clear
           Water
           ,
           and
           a
           little
           Oatmeal
           ,
           and
           a
           small
           Faggot
           of
           Herbs
           ;
           the
           melted
           Fat
           ,
           and
           those
           other
           Ingredients
           will
           be
           converted
           into
           a
           most
           savoury
           Mess
           of
           
             Irish-Smock
             broath
          
           ,
           and
           then
           't
           is
           done
           in
           a
           Dish
           .
        
         
         
           But
           let
           me
           not
           forget
           their
           Butter
           ,
           made
           up
           with
           so
           much
           Filth
           and
           Hair
           ,
           it
           looks
           like
           the
           Lime
           we
           prepare
           to
           Plaister
           our
           Walls
           withal
           ,
           which
           being
           beaten
           up
           into
           as
           rude
           a
           shape
           as
           a
           Spanish
           Piece
           of
           Eight
           ,
           if
           eaten
           without
           Sindging
           ,
           or
           not
           melted
           and
           strained
           ,
           you
           shall
           run
           as
           great
           hazard
           ,
           as
           one
           that
           would
           swallow
           the
           Burr
           of
           an
           over-grown
           Artichoke
           without
           Butter
           ,
           or
           a
           pickled
           Rope
           without
           Sauce
           :
           Hence
           one
           may
           easily
           guess
           the
           difference
           betwixt
           this
           and
           the
           Dutch
           Butter-box
           ,
           the
           one
           cutting
           like
           Spanish
           Marmalad
           ,
           the
           other
           like
           untried
           Kitchin-stuff
           ,
           and
           having
           as
           rank
           an
           odour
           as
           a
           Carriers
           Summer
           trotters
           .
           If
           they
           had
           the
           Wit
           to
           put
           the
           Hair
           in
           one
           Dish
           ,
           and
           the
           Butter
           in
           another
           apart
           ,
           it
           might
           be
           in
           a
           Man's
           Choice
           to
           take
           or
           leave
           as
           he
           pleased
           ;
           but
           they
           are
           so
           order'd
           ,
           you
           must
           eat
           both
           at
           once
           .
        
         
           And
           that
           their
           Bread
           may
           be
           suitable
           to
           their
           Butter
           ,
           and
           so
           stick
           the
           closer
           together
           ,
           the
           Women
           grind
           their
           Corn
           on
           a
           Stone
           placed
           betwixt
           their
           naked
           Thighs
           upon
           the
           Ground
           (
           in
           the
           very
           same
           posture
           as
           they
           Churn
           their
           Cream
           )
           .
           Their
           Mills
           having
           this
           Advantage
           over
           others
           ,
           that
           they
           are
           equally
           supplied
           both
           with
           Wind
           and
           Water
           at
           the
           same
           instant
           .
        
         
           Drinking
           is
           not
           so
           much
           their
           Vice
           ,
           as
           some
           of
           their
           Neighbouring
           Nations
           ,
           unless
           their
           so
           excessive
           Smoaking
           be
           reckoned
           in
           ,
           to
           which
           both
           the
           Men
           and
           Women
           are
           so
           generally
           addicted
           ;
           yea
           ,
           the
           very
           Children
           too
           ,
           that
           an
           Infant
           of
           their
           breeding
           ,
           shall
           take
           more
           delight
           in
           handling
           a
           Tobacco-Pipe
           than
           a
           Rattle
           ,
           and
           will
           sooner
           learn
           to
           make
           use
           of
           it
           ,
           than
           another
           shall
           of
           its
           Sucking-bottle
           .
           Surely
           ,
           this
           Indian
           Weed
           is
           a
           very
           Witch
           ,
           and
           they
           have
           this
           resemblance
           ,
           that
           both
           of
           them
           are
           very
           nasty
           and
           ugly
           .
        
         
           It
           is
           an
           Irish
           Observation
           (
           
             and
             a
             notable
             one
             too
          
           )
           that
           whenever
           two
           Armies
           meet
           in
           Battle
           ,
           the
           one
           must
           run
           ,
           for
           both
           cannot
           conquer
           ,
           and
           since
           one
           must
           give
           way
           ,
           why
           not
           at
           the
           beginning
           before
           much
           Bloodshed
           ,
           rather
           than
           after
           too
           many
           lives
           are
           lost
           ;
           and
           since
           one
           of
           them
           must
           ,
           or
           generally
           does
           run
           ,
           who
           fitter
           to
           run
           than
           they
           whom
           Nature
           has
           provided
           with
           better
           Legs
           to
           run
           ,
           than
           Hands
           or
           Hearts
           to
           sight
           ;
           therefore
           they
           do
           commonly
           run
           ,
           and
           run
           betimes
           ,
           lest
           some
           Wound
           in
           their
           Legs
           should
           hinder
           their
           nimble
           Retreat
           :
           This
           made
           an
           old
           experienc'd
           Officer
           (
           who
           knew
           the
           way
           of
           the
           Reasoning
           of
           these
           Brutes
           )
           cause
           some
           Regiments
           of
           Dragoons
           to
           march
           on
           foot
           up
           towards
           their
           more
           numerous
           Army
           ,
           with
           Boots
           on
           ,
           whom
           when
           the
           Irish
           beheld
           ,
           they
           straight-way
           concluded
           that
           those
           English
           Men
           being
           booted
           ,
           would
           not
           ,
           or
           could
           not
           run
           ;
           and
           since
           one
           Party
           must
           go
           off
           at
           last
           ,
           it
           must
           needs
           be
           themselves
           ,
           and
           therefore
           they
           discreetly
           ran
           all
           away
           immediately
           .
        
         
           A
           Stiff-necked
           Generation
           they
           cannot
           be
           called
           ,
           they
           lay
           them
           down
           so
           readily
           to
           every
           Yoke
           ,
           as
           if
           they
           were
           born
           to
           Servitude
           ,
           and
           so
           we
           find
           them
           inclined
           to
           have
           been
           indifferently
           under
           their
           own
           Country-men
           ,
           or
           under
           their
           old
           Friends
           the
           Spaniards
           in
           former
           Times
           ,
           and
           their
           new
           Friends
           the
           French
           lately
           ,
           if
           the
           English
           had
           not
           prevented
           it
           .
           Therefore
           are
           they
           the
           less
           to
           be
           pitied
           ,
           because
           by
           them
           there
           is
           no
           greater
           Liberty
           expected
           ,
           or
           much
           desired
           and
           struggled
           for
           by
           them
           .
        
         
           Their
           Language
           seems
           to
           be
           very
           ancient
           indeed
           ,
           being
           almost
           worn
           quite
           out
           of
           Date
           ,
           scarce
           known
           in
           any
           other
           Country
           ,
           and
           not
           generally
           used
           in
           their
           own
           :
           To
           a
           Foreigner
           it
           sounds
           so
           unpleasant
           ,
           that
           it
           rather
           grates
           than
           tickles
           the
           Ear
           ,
           and
           seems
           fitter
           to
           conjure
           than
           converse
           in
           .
           Withal
           ,
           they
           use
           such
           a
           whining
           tone
           ,
           and
           speak
           so
           precipitately
           ,
           that
           considering
           their
           Garb
           and
           Posture
           ,
           you
           would
           think
           they
           had
           been
           newly
           stript
           of
           their
           little
           All
           ;
           and
           were
           now
           hastily
           and
           earnestly
           craving
           your
           Relief
           and
           Charity
           ,
           for
           a
           fresh
           Supply
           .
        
         
           Nor
           are
           they
           more
           Grave
           or
           Demure
           in
           their
           Pace
           ;
           but
           frisk
           it
           about
           the
           Streets
           so
           Post-horse
           like
           ,
           as
           if
           a
           Bailiff
           pursued
           them
           ,
           or
           some
           fiercer
           Devil
           drove
           them
           .
        
         
           Yet
           at
           their
           Work
           they
           are
           on
           the
           other
           hand
           ,
           so
           slow
           and
           deliberate
           (
           Digging
           ,
           Ploughing
           ,
           Thrashing
           ,
           &c.
           with
           their
           Cloaks
           upon
           their
           Backs
           ,
           and
           wasting
           so
           much
           of
           their
           time
           in
           Smoaking
           and
           Prating
           )
           that
           it
           is
           usual
           to
           hire
           Four
           of
           these
           Lubbers
           to
           dispatch
           the
           same
           daily
           Proportion
           of
           Work
           ,
           as
           is
           performed
           by
           one
           Industrious
           English-hind
           ;
           which
           would
           be
           very
           chargeable
           ,
           did
           they
           not
           humbly
           submit
           to
           accept
           of
           much
           lesser
           Wages
           ,
           which
           they
           take
           good
           care
           not
           to
           over-earn
           ,
           lest
           they
           should
           surfeit
           themselves
           ,
           or
           wear
           out
           their
           precious
           Limbs
           too
           
           soon
           ;
           and
           either
           want
           more
           Business
           ,
           or
           the
           Strength
           to
           go
           thorow
           with
           it
           next
           day
           .
        
         
           Some
           Historians
           do
           speak
           them
           to
           be
           very
           tender
           and
           careful
           of
           their
           Young
           ones
           ;
           but
           wherein
           that
           tenderness
           consists
           ,
           is
           not
           readily
           to
           be
           found
           out
           .
           For
           their
           Food
           is
           not
           in
           the
           least
           degree
           better
           than
           they
           allow
           their
           Pigs
           ,
           Bonny-rowre
           for
           the
           Summer
           ,
           and
           Potato-roots
           in
           the
           Winter
           are
           their
           choicest
           Dainties
           :
           And
           then
           for
           their
           Cloathing
           ,
           it
           is
           yet
           courser
           ;
           of
           a
           whole
           Child
           the
           third
           part
           is
           scarce
           cover'd
           with
           Woollen
           ;
           nor
           so
           much
           Linnen
           to
           be
           seen
           among
           a
           whole
           Tribe
           ,
           as
           would
           make
           a
           Quaker's
           falling-band
           ,
           or
           furnish
           an
           ordinary
           Box
           with
           Tinder
           ,
           they
           being
           for
           the
           most
           part
           as
           naked
           as
           a
           young
           Ladies
           Neck
           in
           Dog-days
           ,
           or
           the
           Bird
           in
           the
           Fable
           ,
           stript
           of
           its
           borrowed
           Plumes
           ;
           so
           that
           unless
           their
           Apish
           hugging
           them
           in
           their
           Arms
           ,
           or
           carrying
           them
           on
           their
           Backs
           can
           make
           it
           out
           ,
           I
           cannot
           .
        
         
           But
           however
           careless
           they
           be
           of
           the
           Living
           ,
           they
           are
           mightily
           concerned
           for
           the
           Dead
           ,
           having
           a
           Custom
           ,
           (
           which
           sure
           they
           borrowed
           from
           the
           Egyptians
           )
           of
           howling
           when
           they
           carry
           any
           one
           to
           Burial
           ,
           and
           screaming
           over
           the
           Graves
           ,
           not
           like
           other
           Christians
           ,
           but
           like
           People
           without
           Hope
           ;
           and
           sooner
           than
           this
           shall
           be
           omitted
           ,
           they
           do
           hire
           a
           whole
           Herd
           of
           these
           Crocadiles
           to
           accompany
           the
           Corps
           ,
           who
           with
           their
           counterfeit
           Tears
           and
           Sighs
           ,
           and
           confused
           Clamour
           and
           Noise
           ,
           do
           seem
           heartily
           to
           bemoan
           the
           departed
           Friend
           ,
           though
           all
           this
           is
           with
           no
           more
           concern
           and
           reality
           ,
           than
           an
           Actor
           on
           the
           Stage
           for
           the
           frighted
           Death
           of
           his
           Dearest
           in
           a
           Tragedy
           .
        
         
           One
           Privilege
           ,
           indeed
           ,
           they
           have
           to
           boast
           of
           above
           most
           other
           Countries
           ;
           which
           is
           ,
           that
           they
           are
           free
           from
           Venomous
           Creatures
           (
           as
           England
           is
           from
           Ravenous
           )
           which
           we
           may
           believe
           to
           be
           a
           Natural
           Antipathy
           ,
           like
           that
           of
           the
           Islands
           Cyprus
           and
           Guernzey
           ;
           Tho'
           they
           will
           needs
           attribute
           it
           to
           their
           Miracle-monger
           St.
           Patrick
           ,
           who
           (
           as
           their
           Tradition
           goes
           )
           did
           one
           day
           summon
           them
           all
           together
           on
           the
           tod
           of
           an
           high
           and
           large
           Hill
           ,
           called
           
             Cruich
             Phadrick
          
           ,
           or
           St.
           
           Patrick's
           Mount
           ;
           where
           having
           by
           irrisistible
           Conjuration
           assembled
           them
           ,
           he
           ,
           by
           his
           powerful
           Invocation
           called
           for
           Fire
           from
           Heaven
           ,
           which
           came
           down
           ,
           and
           consumed
           them
           :
           To
           which
           part
           of
           the
           Legend
           ,
           some
           have
           added
           ,
           That
           the
           great
           Croud
           of
           Irish
           Witnesses
           whom
           the
           good
           Saint
           had
           brought
           with
           him
           to
           see
           this
           Fear
           ,
           and
           bear
           Testimony
           of
           it
           ,
           finding
           he
           had
           so
           good
           interest
           and
           familiarity
           with
           God
           Almighty
           to
           obtain
           what
           he
           but
           asked
           for
           ,
           desired
           him
           forthwith
           to
           make
           a
           second
           Petition
           ,
           That
           Heaven
           would
           send
           down
           a
           plentiful
           Shower
           of
           Gold
           and
           Silver
           to
           Cure
           them
           of
           their
           Poverty
           ,
           and
           make
           them
           as
           Opulent
           as
           the
           richest
           Nations
           :
           But
           he
           angerly
           replied
           ,
           That
           God
           would
           work
           no
           Miracles
           to
           gratifie
           their
           Coveteousness
           ;
           That
           he
           had
           already
           given
           them
           a
           large
           Country
           ,
           which
           they
           were
           to
           Cultivate
           and
           Improve
           ,
           and
           that
           their
           honest
           Labour
           would
           bring
           them
           in
           a
           sufficient
           Stock
           of
           Wealth
           ,
           &c.
           and
           therefore
           if
           they
           were
           not
           enough
           satisfied
           with
           this
           great
           Blessing
           so
           freely
           conferred
           ,
           but
           continued
           to
           murmur
           ,
           and
           tempt
           God
           too
           far
           ,
           perhaps
           he
           might
           for
           their
           Unthankfulness
           and
           sordid
           Desires
           ,
           turn
           it
           into
           a
           Curse
           again
           ,
           to
           their
           perpetual
           Punishment
           .
           But
           they
           still
           importuning
           him
           ,
           he
           at
           last
           made
           a
           second
           Essay
           ,
           not
           Petitioning
           for
           Gold
           or
           Silver
           ,
           but
           that
           God
           would
           send
           down
           what
           he
           knew
           to
           be
           fittest
           for
           that
           Generation
           .
           Which
           Word
           he
           no
           sooner
           had
           pronounced
           ,
           but
           there
           arose
           a
           great
           and
           furious
           Whirlwind
           ,
           which
           blew
           and
           dispersed
           the
           Ashes
           of
           those
           Poisonous
           Creatures
           over
           all
           the
           whole
           Country
           ;
           and
           the
           same
           being
           forthwith
           converted
           all
           into
           Lice
           ,
           they
           have
           for
           ever
           since
           continued
           a
           most
           Nasty
           and
           Lowzy
           Generation
           ,
           and
           could
           never
           find
           a
           Cure
           ,
           or
           remove
           this
           Epidemical
           ,
           Egyptian
           Bosom-plague
           ,
           so
           close
           it
           yet
           sticks
           to
           them
           .
        
         
           A
           most
           excellent
           Country
           it
           is
           for
           a
           young
           Traveller
           to
           be
           first
           seasoned
           in
           ,
           for
           let
           him
           but
           once
           taste
           of
           their
           Entertainment
           and
           Usage
           ,
           and
           I
           dare
           undertake
           he
           shall
           love
           all
           the
           rest
           of
           the
           World
           much
           better
           ever
           after
           (
           except
           Scotland
           .
           )
        
         
           A
           certain
           Portion
           of
           the
           County
           of
           Galloway
           is
           very
           well
           worth
           Observation
           ;
           for
           in
           a
           Considerable
           extent
           thereof
           ,
           Nature
           affords
           'em
           neither
           Water
           enough
           to
           Drown
           'em
           ,
           Wood
           enough
           to
           Hang
           'em
           ,
           nor
           Earth
           enough
           to
           Bury
           'em
           ;
           yet
           't
           is
           very
           well
           Inhabited
           :
           Now
           what
           sort
           of
           Creatures
           ,
           unless
           a
           Race
           of
           
           Spanish
           Gennets
           ,
           that
           are
           said
           to
           engender
           by
           the
           Wind
           ,
           or
           a
           brood
           of
           Cameleons
           that
           seed
           upon
           Air
           ,
           can
           subsist
           where
           three
           of
           the
           most
           necessary
           Elements
           are
           so
           scarce
           ,
           I
           leave
           Oedipus
           to
           judge
           .
        
         
           It
           is
           reported
           of
           the
           Germans
           ,
           and
           some
           other
           War-like
           People
           ,
           that
           when
           they
           come
           within
           sight
           and
           hearing
           of
           the
           Enemy
           ,
           being
           drawn
           up
           in
           Battalia
           ,
           and
           almost
           ready
           to
           Engage
           ,
           they
           draw
           out
           their
           broad
           Sword
           ,
           and
           each
           with
           a
           Whet-stone
           ,
           they
           carry
           for
           that
           purpose
           ,
           falls
           to
           work
           to
           set
           a
           keen
           Edge
           on
           his
           Weapon
           ,
           with
           so
           much
           eagerness
           and
           noise
           ,
           that
           it
           begets
           no
           little
           terrour
           in
           the
           listening
           Foe
           ,
           and
           Proclaims
           with
           what
           undaunted
           Resolution
           they
           prepare
           to
           Assault
           them
           .
           Whereas
           the
           Teagues
           do
           only
           gaze
           about
           to
           see
           what
           Wood
           or
           Bog
           lies
           nearest
           ,
           and
           can
           best
           shelter
           or
           favour
           them
           in
           their
           Retreat
           ,
           or
           ,
           perhaps
           by
           greazing
           their
           Broags
           ,
           or
           anointing
           their
           Joints
           ,
           make
           ready
           for
           a
           more
           speedy
           Flight
           ;
           then
           throwing
           down
           their
           Arms
           ,
           and
           trusting
           solely
           to
           their
           Legs
           ,
           dare
           not
           so
           much
           as
           once
           look
           back
           ,
           but
           leave
           the
           Devil
           to
           take
           the
           hindmost
           .
        
         
           Ask
           many
           of
           them
           ,
           What
           was
           the
           Name
           of
           the
           blessed
           Virgin
           Mary
           ,
           and
           't
           is
           ten
           to
           one
           ,
           but
           they
           'll
           answer
           ,
           it
           was
           Iane
           ,
           or
           Susan
           ,
           and
           that
           St.
           Patrick
           was
           her
           Godfather
           ;
           and
           to
           any
           the
           like
           Questions
           ,
           they
           will
           furnish
           you
           with
           the
           like
           Answer
           ,
           &c.
           
           So
           that
           if
           
             Ignorance
             be
             the
             true
             Mother
             of
             Devotion
             ,
          
           the
           City
           of
           Rome
           it self
           cannot
           produce
           such
           devout
           Catholicks
           as
           these
           Teagues
           ;
           and
           therefore
           it
           's
           pitty
           but
           they
           should
           be
           transplanted
           into
           the
           Territories
           of
           the
           Holy
           Church
           ,
           as
           being
           the
           most
           submissive
           Members
           thereof
           .
        
         
           But
           here
           is
           enough
           of
           the
           midling
           sort
           of
           People
           ;
           I
           shall
           therefore
           proceed
           to
           give
           him
           the
           Prospect
           of
           a
           Place
           in
           which
           he
           has
           all
           the
           Reason
           in
           the
           World
           to
           expect
           a
           more
           agreeable
           Sight
           ,
           tho'
           perhaps
           he
           may
           find
           the
           resemblance
           of
           what
           he
           has
           already
           seen
           in
           it
           .
        
         
           
             Of
             DVBLIN
             .
          
           
             WE
             have
             hitherto
             treated
             of
             the
             middle
             sort
             of
             People
             ,
             and
             those
             who
             are
             to
             be
             found
             in
             the
             several
             Country
             Towns
             and
             Villages
             ;
             but
             we
             are
             now
             come
             to
             a
             City
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             cheif
             of
             the
             several
             Provinces
             ,
             and
             the
             Capital
             in
             respect
             of
             the
             several
             Courts
             of
             Judicature
             which
             are
             held
             here
             ,
             and
             where
             the
             supream
             Court
             of
             the
             whole
             Kingdom
             ,
             (
             viz.
             )
             the
             high
             Court
             of
             Parliament
             is
             now
             assembled
             ;
             but
             which
             notwithstanding
             the
             great
             Concourse
             of
             Nobility
             who
             now
             keep
             their
             Residence
             here
             ,
             bears
             a
             proportion
             in
             its
             Inhabitants
             ,
             to
             the
             People
             whose
             Manners
             in
             the
             foregoing
             Papers
             ,
             we
             have
             submitted
             to
             the
             censure
             of
             the
             publick
             .
          
           
             Dublin
             is
             a
             City
             situated
             on
             an
             arm
             of
             the
             Sea
             ,
             and
             might
             be
             made
             very
             strong
             ,
             did
             those
             who
             are
             in
             the
             supream
             Power
             there
             think
             it
             advisable
             to
             make
             it
             so
             ;
             it
             gives
             name
             to
             an
             Arch-Bishoprick
             ,
             and
             is
             the
             place
             where
             the
             Deputies
             ,
             or
             Lords-justices
             of
             Ireland
             hold
             their
             Court
             :
             At
             present
             their
             Excellencies
             the
             Lord
             Marquiss
             of
             Winchester
             ,
             and
             the
             Earl
             of
             Gallaway
             have
             that
             Character
             ,
             and
             if
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             this
             City
             had
             any
             disposition
             to
             Industry
             or
             Vertue
             ,
             they
             might
             find
             such
             Encouragement
             from
             these
             Two
             noble
             Lords
             ,
             as
             might
             sufficiently
             endear
             it
             to
             their
             Practice
             .
             But
             they
             are
             People
             not
             to
             be
             persuaded
             by
             Example
             or
             Precept
             ,
             and
             if
             any
             of
             'em
             are
             so
             lucky
             as
             to
             tread
             in
             the
             Paths
             of
             Goodness
             ,
             you
             may
             conclude
             it
             wholy
             owing
             to
             themselves
             ,
             for
             they
             are
             all
             too
             proud
             to
             follow
             one
             anothers
             directions
             .
          
           
             By
             this
             one
             might
             imagine
             they
             were
             excellent
             at
             Inventions
             ,
             and
             might
             be
             very
             serviceable
             to
             the
             Publick
             by
             ingenious
             Acquirments
             ;
             but
             that
             Man
             is
             mistaken
             if
             he
             expects
             any
             such
             matter
             from
             'em
             ,
             and
             for
             several
             Years
             we
             have
             had
             but
             Two
             or
             Three
             Experiments
             from
             their
             whole
             Royal
             Society
             ,
             and
             those
             so
             far
             from
             being
             New
             ,
             that
             they
             had
             not
             been
             Printed
             but
             as
             a
             Compliment
             to
             Dr.
             Molineux
             ;
             who
             perhaps
             without
             some
             such
             notice
             taken
             of
             him
             ,
             would
             have
             made
             no
             more
             Observations
             than
             the
             rest
             of
             his
             Brethren
             .
          
           
             But
             tho'
             they
             are
             not
             over
             successful
             in
             the
             search
             after
             Knowledg
             for
             the
             publick
             Good
             ,
             there
             is
             no
             Body
             like
             'em
             in
             things
             which
             is
             against
             it
             ,
             and
             they
             have
             
             Twenty
             ways
             at
             least
             for
             the
             breach
             of
             one
             Commandment
             ,
             when
             their
             whole
             study
             will
             not
             furnish
             'em
             with
             one
             to
             keep
             it
             .
          
           
             Their
             Buildings
             partake
             much
             of
             the
             Constitution
             of
             their
             Owners
             ,
             vast
             Foundations
             like
             their
             Legs
             ,
             at
             the
             bottom
             ,
             but
             built
             so
             very
             high
             ,
             that
             he
             is
             a
             rich
             Man
             who
             can
             furnish
             one
             Story
             ,
             whilst
             the
             upper
             Rooms
             bear
             proportion
             to
             his
             upper
             part
             ,
             and
             are
             as
             destitute
             of
             Furniture
             as
             his
             Skull
             .
          
           
             The
             two
             principal
             Churches
             are
             St.
             Patricks
             ,
             and
             Christ-Church
             ,
             Edifices
             tolerable
             enough
             ,
             did
             not
             the
             Man
             in
             the
             Pulpit
             disgrace
             'em
             ;
             and
             unless
             Dr.
             King
             or
             some
             eminent
             Bishop
             transplanted
             from
             England
             Preaches
             there
             ,
             you
             may
             as
             soon
             expect
             an
             ingenious
             Discourse
             from
             Dr.
             Meriton
             at
             St.
             Martins
             in
             the
             Afternoon
             ,
             or
             a
             piece
             of
             Oratory
             from
             the
             Mendicant
             Divine
             ,
             who
             holds
             forth
             upon
             the
             rails
             in
             Moor-Feilds
             ,
             as
             a
             sentence
             worth
             observation
             ,
             from
             any
             Man
             of
             God
             among
             'em
             all
             .
          
           
             To
             say
             the
             Lord's-Prayer
             ,
             and
             ten
             Commandments
             ,
             is
             a
             sufficient
             Plea
             for
             Holy
             Orders
             ;
             and
             that
             Bishop's
             Chaplain
             who
             shall
             offer
             any
             Text
             in
             Greek
             to
             be
             constru'd
             by
             the
             
               would
               be
               a
               Deacon
            
             ,
             or
             examin
             him
             as
             to
             the
             sense
             of
             the
             Fathers
             about
             Original
             Sin
             ,
             shall
             be
             look'd
             upon
             as
             one
             not
             capable
             of
             performing
             the
             Office
             of
             a
             Priest
             himself
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             but
             one
             Colledge
             here
             ,
             bat
             yet
             it
             bears
             the
             Title
             of
             an
             University
             ,
             like
             a
             certain
             Peer
             in
             the
             same
             Kingdom
             ,
             who
             has
             the
             sonorous
             Title
             of
             an
             
               Earl
               of
            
             *
             
               ten
               Worlds
            
             ,
             when
             his
             Lordship
             has
             scarce
             a
             Foot
             of
             Land.
             And
             I
             think
             it
             well
             enough
             deserves
             the
             Name
             of
             University
             ,
             if
             Vniversal
             Ignorance
             ,
             Pride
             and
             Poverty
             ,
             which
             has
             taken
             Lodgings
             here
             ,
             may
             deserve
             that
             name
             .
          
           
             The
             Founder
             who
             endow'd
             it
             ,
             knew
             well
             enough
             the
             Dispositions
             of
             those
             who
             should
             be
             his
             Tenants
             ,
             and
             therefore
             provided
             well
             enough
             for
             their
             Bellies
             ,
             tho'
             none
             but
             the
             Provost
             has
             any
             Provision
             for
             their
             Backs
             ;
             but
             for
             Books
             he
             gave
             'em
             none
             ,
             well
             knowing
             the
             little
             use
             they
             would
             make
             of
             'em
             ,
             tho'
             the
             Irish
             Parliament
             is
             contriving
             Ways
             and
             Means
             for
             a
             Library
             for
             'em
             ,
             which
             some
             think
             will
             be
             built
             much
             about
             the
             time
             ,
             as
             the
             Students
             who
             are
             design'd
             to
             make
             use
             of
             it
             ,
             shall
             arrive
             to
             the
             knowledge
             requisite
             for
             such
             Studies
             ,
             and
             that
             is
             never
             .
          
           
             As
             for
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             this
             place
             in
             general
             ,
             we
             will
             rank
             'em
             under
             2
             degrees
             ,
             viz.
             Lords
             and
             Commons
             .
          
           
             The
             First
             are
             Spiritual
             and
             Temporal
             .
             For
             the
             Spiritual
             ,
             out
             of
             the
             Veneration
             I
             have
             for
             the
             Holy
             Office
             they
             bear
             ,
             I
             shall
             say
             little
             further
             ,
             than
             that
             they
             may
             be
             very
             knowing
             Gentlemen
             ,
             tho'
             I
             could
             not
             edifie
             by
             'em
             ;
             and
             tho'
             I
             never
             amongst
             the
             whole
             set
             of
             'em
             could
             find
             the
             Learning
             of
             a
             City
             Lecturer
             ;
             yet
             they
             may
             be
             Men
             of
             singular
             Parts
             ,
             and
             their
             Devotion
             may
             have
             brought
             'em
             so
             near
             Heaven
             ,
             that
             for
             all
             that
             I
             know
             ,
             their
             Heads
             may
             be
             lost
             in
             the
             Clouds
             .
          
           
             For
             the
             Nobility
             ,
             the
             greatest
             Part
             of
             'em
             may
             be
             compared
             to
             their
             own
             Mountains
             ,
             who
             are
             so
             very
             high
             that
             they
             seem
             to
             wear
             the
             Stars
             for
             a
             Coronet
             ,
             but
             yet
             are
             indeed
             no
             better
             dighted
             ,
             then
             with
             a
             dirty
             Bog
             on
             the
             top
             ,
             more
             deep
             and
             dangerous
             then
             the
             lowest
             Road
             in
             the
             Vallies
             .
          
           
             Their
             Estates
             for
             the
             generality
             are
             not
             greater
             than
             an
             ordinary
             English
             Gentlemans
             ,
             yet
             their
             Pride
             so
             excessively
             great
             ,
             that
             Disdain
             is
             written
             on
             their
             Brows
             ,
             where
             you
             may
             read
             ,
             
               I
               am
               too
               good
               for
               thee
               .
            
          
           
             For
             their
             Commonality
             ,
             Writing
             is
             a
             rarity
             among
             'em
             ,
             and
             Reading
             would
             be
             utterly
             laid
             aside
             ,
             were
             it
             not
             of
             great
             and
             important
             Consequence
             ,
             when
             they
             are
             allow'd
             the
             Benefit
             of
             their
             Clergy
             in
             their
             Neck-Verse
             ,
             and
             often-times
             poor
             Culprit
             goes
             to
             Pot
             ,
             because
             Mr.
             Ordinary
             and
             He
             can't
             agree
             which
             reads
             truest
             .
          
           
             But
             I
             have
             forgot
             the
             Right
             Honourable
             his
             Lordship
             ,
             therefore
             I
             must
             tell
             you
             this
             pitiful
             City
             has
             its
             Lord
             Mayor
             too
             ,
             who
             is
             at
             present
             much
             such
             another
             as
             that
             pious
             Gentleman
             who
             preceded
             Sir
             
               Francis
               Child
            
             in
             London
             ,
             was
             ;
             and
             tho'
             one
             would
             think
             that
             the
             better
             sort
             of
             Irish-mens
             Poverty
             might
             entitle
             'em
             to
             beg
             ,
             this
             venerable
             Magistrate
             will
             not
             permit
             the
             worser
             .
          
           
           
             To
             conclude
             ,
             this
             is
             a
             City
             powerful
             in
             its
             Privileges
             ,
             but
             weak
             in
             its
             Exchequer
             ,
             empty
             in
             its
             Churches
             ,
             but
             full
             in
             its
             Prisons
             ;
             has
             very
             few
             Fortifications
             for
             its
             Security
             ,
             yet
             has
             Cowards
             for
             its
             Inhabitants
             ;
             the
             Nobility
             which
             live
             in
             it
             have
             Titles
             beyond
             their
             Estates
             ,
             the
             Clergy
             Benefices
             beyond
             their
             Deserts
             ,
             the
             Merchants
             great
             Houses
             beyond
             their
             Trade
             ;
             and
             every
             House-keeper
             in
             it
             Promises
             beyond
             Performance
             .
             If
             this
             ben't
             enough
             to
             make
             me
             wish
             my self
             in
             England
             again
             ,
             I
             am
             sufficient
             Proof
             for
             any
             Place
             whatsoever
             ;
             and
             so
             much
             for
             the
             Kingdom
             of
             Ireland
             ,
             which
             I
             shall
             describe
             no
             otherwise
             than
             it
             deserves
             ,
             if
             I
             shall
             say
             it
             is
             ,
          
           
             A
             Land
             which
             does
             no
             Pois'nous
             Beast
             afford
             ,
          
           
             But
             in
             its
             Natives
             ,
             with
             all
             Poisons
             stor'd
             :
          
           
             Where
             Vice
             is
             fruitful
             and
             Sedition
             shoots
          
           
             And
             shews
             its
             Head
             ,
             from
             fix'd
             and
             lasting
             Roots
             ;
          
           
             Which
             often
             tempts
             the
             British
             Sword
             ,
             and
             dares
          
           
             The
             Fate
             of
             Caesar
             ,
             who
             as
             often
             spares
             .
          
           
             False
             to
             her
             Promise
             ,
             Insolent
             ,
             and
             Base
             ,
          
           
             Her
             Friends
             Dishonour
             ,
             and
             her
             Own
             Disgrace
             ;
          
           
             Ready
             for
             Change
             ,
             tho'
             not
             in
             Changes
             long
             ,
          
           
             Forsaking
             what
             is
             Right
             ,
             embracing
             what
             is
             Wrong
             .
          
           
             Conquer'd
             in
             Fight
             ,
             Vnconquer'd
             in
             her
             Pride
             ,
          
           
             Rescu'd
             ,
             tho'
             never
             of
             the
             
             Rescuer's
             Side
             .
          
           
             But
             if
             Example
             may
             prevail
             ,
             and
             gain
          
           
             Repute
             ,
             within
             a
             Land
             so
             False
             and
             Vain
             ;
          
           
             If
             Goodness
             may
             persuade
             ,
             or
             Virtue
             Win
          
           
             A
             People
             drown'd
             in
             Vice
             ,
             and
             lost
             in
             Sin
             ;
          
           
             Ev'n
             she
             ,
             has
             those
             who
             o're
             her
             Sons
             Preside
             ,
          
           
             Whose
             Lives
             can
             Teach
             her
             ,
             and
             whose
             Precepts
             Guide
             ;
          
           
             Instructive
             in
             their
             Actions
             ,
             as
             their
             Laws
             ,
          
           
             Iust
             to
             the
             People
             ,
             and
             their
             Master's
             Cause
             .
          
           
             And
             Winchester
             may
             yet
             retrieve
             her
             Name
             ,
          
           
             Tho'
             lost
             to
             Honour
             ,
             and
             unknown
             to
             Fame
             ;
          
           
             Whilst
             She
             may
             practice
             what
             her
             Lord
             has
             done
             ,
          
           
             And
             follow
             
             England's
             Virtues
             ,
             in
             her
             Son.
             
          
        
         
           FINIS
           .
        
         
      
    
     
       
         Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
         
           Notes for div A63248-e300
           
             *
             Desmond
             .