The Devil Is an Ass Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A46228 of text R5735 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing J1011). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Lydia Zoells This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A46228.xml The divell is an asse a comedie acted in the yeare 1616, by His Majesties servants / the author, Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 36 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 12086374 Wing J1011. 53757 A46228

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 The divell is an asse a comedie acted in the yeare 1616, by His Majesties servants / the author, Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [4], 66 p. [s.n.], Imprinted at London : 1641. 1616

Reproduction of original in Yale University Library.

 A46228 shc The Devil Is an Ass Jonson, Ben Madeline Burg Lydia Zoells 1616 play comedy shc no A46228 R5735 (Wing J1011). 37284 9 0 0 9004.83B The rate of 4.83 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

THE DIVELL IS AN ASSE .

A COMEDIE ACTED IN THE YEARE , 1616 . BY HIS MAIESTIES SERVANTS .

The Author BEN : IOHNSON .

HOR. de ART POET. Fucta voluptatis Causa , sint proxima veris.

Imprinted at London , 1641 .

THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY . The great divell . The lesse divell . The vice . A Squire of Norfolk . His wife . The Projector . His Champion . A young Gallant . His friend . A Broaker . The Projectors man . A Gold-smith . His sonne . A Lawyer , and Iustice . His wife . The Lady Projectresse . Her Woman . Her Gentleman usher . A Smith , the Constable . Keeper of Newgate .

The Sceane , LONDON .

The Prologue . THe DIVELL is an ASSE . That is , to day , The name of what you are met for , a new Play , Yet Grandee's , would you were not come to grace Our matter , with allowing us no place . Though you presume SATAN a subtill thing , And may have heard he 's worne in a thumb-ring ; Doe not on these presumptions , force us act , In compasse of a cheese-trencher . This tract Will ne're admit our vice , because of yours . Anone , who , worse then you , the fault endures That your selves make ? when you will thrust and spurne , And knocke us o' the elbowes and bid , turne ; As if , when we had spoke , we must be gone , Or , till we speake , must all runne in , to one ; Like the young adders , at the old ones mouth ? Would we could stand due North ; or had no South , If that offend : or were Muscovy glasse , That you might looke our Scenes through as they passe . We know not how to affect you . If you 'll come To see new Plaies , pray you affoord us roome , And shew this , but the same face you have done Your deare delight the Divell of Edmunton . Or , if , for want of roome , it must mis-carry , 'T will be but Iustice , that your censure tarry , Till you give some . And when six times you ha' seen 't , If this Play doe not like , the Divell is in 't .
THE DIVELL IS AN ASSE .
Act. I. Scene . I. Divell . Pug. Iniquity . HOh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , &c. To earth ? and why to earth , thou foolish Spirit ? What wold'st thou do on earth ? Pug. For that , great Chiefe ! As time shall work , I do but aske my mon'th . Which every petty pui'nee Divell has ; Within that terme , the Court of Hell will heare Something may gaine a longer grant , perhaps . Sat. For what ? the laming a poore Cow , or two ? Entring a Sow , to make her cast her farrow ? Or crossing of a Market-womans Mare , 'Twixt this and Totnam ? these were wont to bee Your maine atchievements , Pug , you have some plot , now , Vpon a tonning of Ale , to stale the yest , Or keepe the churne so , that the butter come not ; Spight o' the houswives cord , or her hot spit ? Or some good Ribibe , about Kentish Towne , Or Hogsden , you would hang now , for a witch , Because shee will not let you play round Robbin : And you 'll goe sowre the Cittisens Creame 'gainst Sunday ? That she may be accus'd for t , and condemn'd By a Middlesex Jury ; to the satisfaction Of their offended friends , the Londoners wives Whose teeth were set on edge with it ? Foolish fiend , Stay i' your place , know your owne strengths , and put not Beyond the spheare of your activity . You are too dull a Divell to be trusted Forth into those parts , Pug , upon any affaire That may concerne our name , on earth . It is not Every ones worke . The state of Hell must care Whome it imployes , in point of reputation , Heere about London . You would make , I thinke An Agent , to be sent , for Lancashire , Proper inough ; or some parts of Northumberland , So yo 'had good instructions , Pug . Pug. O Chiefe ! You doe not know , deare Chiefe , what there is in mee . Prove me but for a fortnight , for a weeke , And lend me but a Vice , to carry with me , To practice there-with any play-fellow , And , you will see , there will come more upon 't , Then you 'll imagine , pretious Chiefe . Sat. What Vice ? What kinde wouldst th'have it of ? Pug. Why , any Fraud ; Or Covetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; Or old Iniquity : I 'll call him hither . ��� What is he , calls upon me , and would seem to lack a Vice ? ��� words be halfe spoken , I am with him in a trice ; ��� there , and every where , as the Cat is with the mice : True vetus iniquitas . Lack'st thou Cards , friend , or Dice ? I will teach thee cheat , Child , to cog , lye , and swagger , And ever and anon , to be drawing forth thy dagger : To sweare by Gogs-nownes , like a lusty Iuventus , In a cloake to thy heele , and a hat like a pent-house . Thy breeches of three fingers , and thy doublet all belly , With a Wench that shall feed thee , with cock-stones and gelly . Pug. Is it not excellent , Chiefe ? how nimble he is ! Ini. Child of hell , this is nothing ! I will fetch thee a leape From the top of Pauls-steeple , to the Standard in Cheape : And lead thee a dance , through the streets without faile , Like a needle of Spaine , with a thred at my taile . We will survay the Suburbs , and make forth our sallyes , Downe Petticoate-lane , and up the Smock-allies , To Shoreditch , Whitechappell , and so to Saint Kathernes . To drinke with the Dutch there , and take forth their patternes : From thence , we will put in at Custome-house key there , And see , how the Factors , and Prentizes play there , False with their Masters ; and gueld many a full packe , To spend it in pies , at the Dagger , and the Wool sacke . Pug. Brave , brave , Iniquity ! will not this doe , Chiefe ? Ini. Nay , boy , I will bring thee to the Bawds , and the Roysters , At Belins-gate , feasting with claret-wine , and oysters , From thence shoot the Bridge , childe , to the Cranes i' the Vintry , And see , there the gimblets , how they make their entry ! Or , if thou hadst rather , to the Strand downe to fall , 'Gainst the Lawyers come dabled from Westminster-hall And marke how they cling , with their clients together , Like Ivie to Oake ; so Velvet to Leather : Ha , boy , I would shew thee . Pug. Rare , rare ! Div. Peace , dotard , And thou more ignorant thing , that so admir'st . Art thou the spirit thou seem'st ? so poore ? to choose This , for a Vice , t' advance the cause of Hell , Now ? as Vice stands this present yeare ? Remember , What number it is . Six hundred and sixteen . Had it but beene five hundred , though some sixty Above ; that 's fifty yeeres agone , and six . ( When every great man had his Vice stand by him , In his long coat , shaking his woodden dagger ) I could consent , that , then this your grave choice Might have done that , with his Lord Chiefe , the which Most of his chamber can doe now . But Pug , As the times are , who is it , will receive you ? What company will you goe to ? or whom mix with ? Where canst thou carry him ? except to Tavernes ? To mount up on a joynt-stoole , with a Iewes-trumpe , To put downe Cokeley , and that must be to Citizens ? He ne're will be admitted , there , where Vennor comes . He may perchance , in taile of a Sheriffes dinner , Skip with a rime o' the Table , from New-nothing , And take his Almaine-leape into a custard , Shall make my Lad Majoresse , and her sisters , Laugh all their hoods over their shoulders . But , This is not that will doe , they are other things That are receiv'd now upon earth , for Vices ; Stranger , and newer : and chang'd every houre . They ride 'hem like their horses off their legges , And here they come to Hell , whole legions of 'hem , Every weeke tyr'd . Wee , still strive to breed , And reare 'hem up new ones ; but they doe not stand , When they come there : they turne 'hem on our hands . And it is fear'd they have a stud o' their owne Will put downe ours . Both our breed , and trade Will suddenly decay , if we prevent not . Unlesse it be a Vice of quality , Or fashion , now , they take none from us . Car-men Are got into the yellow starch , and Chimney-sweepers To their tobacco , and strong-waters , Hum , Meath , and Obarni . Wee must therefore aime At extraordinary subtile ones , now , When we do send to keepe us up in credit . Not old Iniquities . Get you e'ne back , Sir , To making of your rope of sand againe . You are not for the manners , nor the times : They have their Vices , there , most like to Vertues ; You cannot know 'hem , apart , by any difference : They weare the same clothes , eate the same meate , Sleepe i' the selfe-same beds , ride i'those coaches . Or very like , foure horses in a coach , As the best men and women . Tissue gownes , Garters and roses , fourescore pound a paire ; Embrothered stockins , cut-worke smocks , and shirts , More certaine marks of lechery , now , and pride , Then ere they were of true nobility ! But Pug , since you doe burne with such desire To doe the Common-wealth of Hell some service ; I am content , assuming of a body , You goe to earth , and visit men , a day . But you must take a body ready made , Pug , I can create you none , nor shall you forme Your selfe an aery one , but become subject To all impression of the flesh , you take , So farre as humane frailty . So , this morning , There is a handsome Cutpurse hang'd at Tiborne , Whose spirit departed , you may enter his body : For clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman , Or let our tribe of Brokers furnish you . ��� looke , how farre your subtilty can worke Though those organs , with that body , spie Amongst mankind , ( you cannot there want vices , And therefore the lesse need to carry 'hem wi' you ) But as you make your soone at nights relation , And we shall find , it merits from the State , You shall have both trust from us , and imploiment . Pug. Most gracious Chiefe ! Div. Onely , thus more I bind you , To serve the first man that you meete ; and him I 'll shew you , now : Observe him . Yon' is he , You shall see , first after your clothing . Follow him : But once engag'd , there you must stay and fix ; Not shift , untill the midnights cocke doe crow . Pug. Any conditions to be gone . Div. Away , then .
Act. I. Scene II. Fitz-dottrell . I , they doe , now , name Bretnor , as before ; They talk'd of Gresham , and of Doctor Fore-man , Franklin , and Fiske , and Savory ( he was in too ) But ther 's not one of these , that ever could Yet shew a man the Divell , in true sort . They have their christalls , I doe know , and rings , And virgin parchment , and their dead-mens sculls Their ravens wings , their lights , and pentacles , With characters ; I ha' seene all these . But � Would I might see the Divell . I would give A hundred o'these picture , to see him Once out of picture . May I prove a cuckold , ( And that 's the one maine mortall thing I feare ) If I beginne not , now , to thinke , the Painters Have only made him . 'Slight , he would be seene . One time or other else . He would not let An ancient gentleman , of a good house , As most are now in England , the Fitz-dottrel's , Runne wild , and call upon him thus in vaine , As I ha' done this twelue mone'th . If he be not , At all , why , are there Conjurers ? If they be not , Why , are there lawes against 'hem ? The best artists Of Cambridge , Oxford , Middlesex , and London , Essex , and Kent , I have had in pay to raise him ; These fifty weekes , and yet h' appeares not . 'Sdeath , I shall suspect , they , can make circle onely , Shortly , and know but his hard names . They doe say , H 'will meet a man ( of himselfe ) that has a mind to him . If he would so , I have a minde and a halfe for him : He should not be long absent . Pray thee , come I long for thee . An' I were with child by him , And my wife , too ; I could not more . Come , yet , Good Beelezebub . Were he a kind divell , And had humanity in him , he would come , but To save ones longing . I should use him well , I sweare , and with respect ( would he would try me ) Not , as the Conjurers doe , when they ha' rais'd him . Get him in bonds , and send him post , on errands . A thousand miles , it is preposterous , that : And I beleeve , is the true cause he comes not . And he has reason . Who would be engag'd , That might live freely , as he may doe ? I sweare , They are wrong all . The burn't child dreads the fire . They doe not know to entertaine the Divell . I would so welcome him , obserue his diet , Get him his chamber hung with arras , two of 'hem , I' my owne house ; lend him my wives wrought pillowes : And as I am an honest man , I thinke , If he had a minde to her , too ; I should grant him , To make our friend-ship perfect . So I would not To every man . If he but heare me , now ? And should come to me in a brave yong shape , And take me at my word ? ha ! Who is this ?
Act. I. Scene . III . Pug. Fitz-dottrell . SIr , your good pardon , that I thus presume Upon your privacy . I am borne a Gentleman , A younger brother ; but in some disgrace , Now , with my friends : and want some little meanes , To keepe me upright , while things be reconcil'd . Please you , to let my service be of use to you , Sir . Fit. Service ? 'fore hell , my heart was at my mouth , Till I had view'd his shooes well : for , those roses Were bigge inough to hide a cloven foot . No , friend , my number 's full . I have one servant , Who is my all , indeed ; and , from the broome Unto the brush : for , just so farre , I trust him . He is my Ward-robe man , my Cater , Cooke , Butler , and Steward ; lookes unto my horse : And helpes to watch my wife . H' has all the places , That I can thinke on , from the garret downward , E'en to the manger , and the curry-combe . Pug. Sir , I shall put your worship to no charge , More then my meate , and that but very little , I 'll serve you for your love . Fit. Ha ? without wages ? I 'le harken o'th at eare , were I at leasure . But now , I 'm busie . 'Pry'the , friend forbeare mee , And' thou hadst beene a Divell , I should say Somewhat more to thee . Thou dost hinder , now , My meditations . Pug. Sir , I am a Divell . Fit. How ! Pug. A true Divell , Sir . Fit. Nay , now , you ly : Under your favour , friend , for , I 'll not quarrell . I look'd o' your feet , afore , you cannot coozen me , Your shoo 's not cloven , Sir , you are whole hoof'd . Pug. Sir that 's a popular error deceives many : But I am that , I tell you . Fit. What 's your name ? Pug. My name is Divell , Sir . Fit. Sai'st thou true . Pug. Indeed , Sir . Fit. 'Slid ! there 's some omen i'th is ! what countryman ? Pug. Of Derby-shire , Sir , about the Peake . Fit. That Hole Belong'd to your Ancestors ? Pug. Yes , Divells arse , Sir . Fit. I 'll entertaine him for the name sake . Ha ? And turne away my tother man ? and saue Foure pound a yeere by that ? there 's luck and thrift too ! The very Divell may come hereafter , as well . Friend , I receive you : but ( withall ) I acquaint you , Aforehand , if yo'offend mee , I must beat you . It is a kind of exercise , I use . And cannot be without . Pug. Yes , if I doe not Offend , you can , sure . Fit. Faith , Divell , very hardly : I 'll call you by your surname , 'cause I love it .
Act. I. Scene . IIII . Ingine . Wittipol . Manly . Fitzdottrell . Pug. YOnder he walkes , Sir , I 'll goe lift him for you . Wit. To him , good Ingine , raise him up by degrees , Gently , and hold him there too , you can doe it . Shew your selfe now , a Mathematicall broker . Ing. I 'll warrant you for halfe a piece . Wit. 'T is done , Sir . Man. Is 't possible there should be such a man ? Wit. You shall be your owne witnesse , I 'll not labour To tempt you past your faith . Man. And is his wife So very handsome , say you ? Wit. I ha' not seene her , Since I came home from travell : and they say , Shee is not alter'd . Then before I went , I saw her once ; but so , as she hath stucke Still i' my view , no object hath remov'd her . Man. 'T is a faire guest , Friend , beauty : and once lodg'd Deepe in the eyes , she hardly leaves the Inne . How do's he keepe her ? Wit. Very brave . However , Himselfe be sordide , he is sensuall that way . In every dressing , he do's study her . Man. And furnish forth himselfe so from the Brokers ? Wit. Yes , that 's a hyr'd suite , he now has on , To see the Divell is an Asse , to day , in ( This Ingine gets three or foure pound a weeke by him ) He dares not misse a new Play , or a Feast , What rate soever clothes be at ; and thinkes Himselfe still new in other mens old . Man. But stay , Do's he love meat so ? Wit. Faith he do's not hate it . But that 's not it . His belly and his palate Would be compounded with for reason . Mary , A wit he has , of that strange credit with him , 'Gainst all mankinde ; as it doth make him doe Just what it list : it ravishes him forth , Whither it please , to any assembly or place , And would conclude him ruin'd , should he scape One publike meeting , out of the beliefe He has of his owne great , and Catholike strengths , In arguing , and discourse . It takes , I see : H' has got the cloake upon him . Fit. A faire garment , By my faith , Ingine ! Ing. It was never made , Sir , For threescore pound , I assure you : 'T will yeeld thirty . The plush , Sir , cost three pound , ten shillings a yard ! And then the lace , and velvet . Fit. I shall , Ingine , Be look'd at , prettily , in it ! Art thou sure The Play is play'd to day ? Ing. ô here 's the bill , Sir . I , had forgot to gi 't you . Fit. Ha ? the Divell ! I will not loose you , Sirah ! But , Ingine , thinke you , The Gallant is so furious in his folly ? So mad upon the matter , that he 'll part With 's cloake upo' those termes ? Ing. Trust not your Ingine , Breake me to pieces else , as you would doe A rotten Crane , or an old rusty Iacke , That has not one true wheele in him . Doe but talke with him . Fit. I shall doe that , to satisfie you , Ingine , And my selfe too . With your leave , Gentlemen . Which of you is it , is so meere Idolater To my wives beauty , and so very prodigall Unto my patience , that , for the short parlee ? Of one swift houres quarter , with my wife , He will depart with ( let me see ) this cloake here The price of folly ? Sir , are you the man ? Wit. I am that vent'rer , Sir . Fit. Good time ! your name Is Witty-pol ? Wit. The same , Sir . Fit. And 't is told me , Yo'have travell'd lately ? Wit. That I have , Sir . Fit. Truly , Your travells have alter'd your complexion ; But sure your wit stood still . Wit. It may well be , Sir . All heads ha'not like growth . Fit. The good mans gravity , That left you land , your father , never taught you These pleasant matches ? Wit. No , nor can his mirth , With whom I make 'hem , put me off . Fit. You are Resolv'd then ? Wit. Yes , Sir . Fit. Beauty is the Saint , You 'll sacrifice your selfe , into the shirt too ? Wit. So I may still cloth , and keepe warme your wisdome ? Fit. You lade me Sir ! Wit. I know what you will beare , Sir , Fit. Well , to the point . 'T is only , Sir , you say , To speake unto my wife ? Wit. Only , to speake to her . Fit. And in my presence ? Wit. In your very presence . Fit. And in my hearing ? Wit. In your hearing : so , You interrupt us not . Fit. For the short space You doe demand , the fourth part of an houre , I think I shall , with some convenient study , And this good helpe to boot , bring my selfe to 't . Wit. I aske no more . Fit. Please you , walk to'ard my house , Speake what you list ; that times yours : My right I have departed with . But , not beyond , A minute , or a second , looke for . Length , And drawing out , ma'advance much , to these matches . And I except all kissing . Kisses are Silent petitions still with willing Lovers . Wit. Lovers ? How falls that o' your phantsie ? Fit. Sir . I doe know somewhat , I forbid all lip-worke . Wit. I am not eager at forbidden dainties . Who covets unfit thinks , denies him selfe . Fit. You say well , Sir , 'T was prettily said , that same , He do's , indeed . I 'll have no touches , therefore , Nor takings by the armes , nor tender circles Cast 'bout the wast , but all be done at distance . Love is brought up with those soft migniard handlings ; His pulse lies in his palme : and I defend All melting joynts , and fingers , ( that 's my bargaine ) I doe defend 'hem any thing like action . But talke , Sir , what you will . Use all the Tropes And Schemes , that Prince Quintilian can afford you : And much good do your Rhetoriques heart . You are welcome , Sir . Ingine , God b'w'you . Wit. Sir , I must condition To have this Gentleman by , a witnesse . Fit. Well , I am content so he be silent . Man. Yes , Sir . Fit. Come Divell , I 'll make you roome , streight . But I 'll shew you First , to your Mistresse , who 's no common one , You must conceive , that brings gaine to see her . I hope thou 'st brought me good lucke . Pug. I shall do 't . Sir .
Act. I. Scene . V. Wittipol . Manly . INgine , you hope o' your halfe piece ? 'T is there , Sir . Be gone . Friend Manly , who 's within here ? fixed ? Man. I am directly in a fit of wonder what 'll be the issue of this conference ! Wit. For that , ne'r vex your selfe , till the event . How like yo'him ? Man. I would faine see more of him . Wit. What thinke you of this ? Man. I am past degrees of thinking . Old Africk , and the new America , With all their fruite of Monsters cannot shew So just a prodigie . Wit. Could you have beleev'd , Without your sight , a minde so sordide inward , Should be so specious , and laid forth abroad , To all the shew , that ever shop , or ware was ? Man. I beleeve any thing now , though I confesse His Vices are the most extremities I ever knew in nature . But , why loves he The Divell so ? Wit. O Sir ! for hidden treasure , He hopes to finde : and has propos'd himselfe So infinite a Masse as to recover , He cares not what he parts with , of the present , To his men of Art , who are the race , may coine him . Promise gold-mountaines , and the covetous Are still most prodigall . Man. But ha' you faith , That he will hold his bargaine ? Wit. O deare , Sir ! He will not off on 't . Feare him not . I know him . One basenesse still accompanies another . See! he is heere already , and his wife too . Man. A wondrous handsome creature , as I live !
Act. I. Scene . VI. Fitz-dottrell . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Wittipol . Manly . COme wife , this is the Gentleman . Nay , blush not . Mrs. Fit. Why what doe you meane Sir ? ha' you your reason ? Fit. Wife , I do not know , that I have lent it forth To any one at least without a pawne , wife : Or that I'have eate or drunke the thing , of late , That should corrupt it . Wherefore gentle wife , Obey , it is thy vertue : hold no acts Of disputation . Mrs. Fit. Are you not enough The talke , of feasts , and meetings , but you 'll still Make argument for fresh ? Fit. Why , carefull wedlocke , If I have a longing to have one tale more Goe of me , what is that to thee , deare heart ? Why shouldst thou envie my delight ? or crosse it ? By being solicitous , when it not concernes thee ? Mis. Fit. Yes I have share in this . The scorne will fall As bitterly on me , where both are laught at . Fit. Laught at , sweet bird ? is that the scruple ? Come , come , Thou art a Niaise . Which of your great houses , ( I will not meane at home , here , but abroad ) Your families in France , wife , send not forth Something , within the seven yeere , may be laught at ? I doe not say seven moneths , nor seven weekes , Nor seven daies , nor houres : but seven yeere wife . I give 'hem time . Once within seven yeere , I thinke they may doe something may be laught at . In France , I keepe me there , still . Wherfore , wife , Let them that list , laugh still , rather then weepe For mee ; Heere is a cloake cost fifty pound , wife , Which I can fell for thirty , when I ha' seene All London in 't , and London has seene me . To day , I goe to the Black-friers Play-house , Sit i' the view , salute all my acquaintance , Rise up betweene the Acts , let fall my cloake , Publish a handsome man , and a rich suite ( As that 's a speciall end , why we goe thither , All that pretend , to stand for 't o' the Stage ) The Ladies aske who 's that ? ( For , they do come To see us , Love , as we doe to see them ) Now , I shall lose all this , for the false feare Of being laught at ? Yes , wusse . Let 'hem laugh , wife , Let me have such another cloake to morrow . And let 'hem laugh againe , wife , and againe , And then grow fat with laughing and then fatter , All my young Gallants , let 'hem bring their friends too : Shall I forbid 'hem ? No let heaven forbid 'hem : Or wit , if 't have any charge on 'hem . Come , thy eare , wife , Is all I 'll borrow of thee . Set your watch , Sir , Thou , only art to heare , not speake a word , Dove , To ought he saies . That I do gi' you in precept , No lesse then councell , on your wive-hood , wife , Not though he flatter you , or make court , or Love , ( As you must loke for these ) or say , he raile ; What ere his arts bee , wife , I will have thee Delude 'hem with a trick , thy obstinate silence ; I know advantages ; and I love to hit These pragmaticke young men , at their owne weapons . Is your watch ready ? Here my saile beares , for you : Tack toward him , sweet Pinnace , wher 's your watch ? Wit. I 'll set it , Sir , with yours . Mis. Fit. I must obey . Man. Her modesty seemes to suffer with her beauty , And so , as if his folly were away , It were worth pitty . Fit. Now , th' art right , beginne , Sir . But first , let me repeat the contract , briefely . I am , Sir , to injoy this cloake , I stand in , Freely , and as your gift ; upon condition You may as freely , speake here to my spouse , Your quarter of an houre alwaies keeping The measur'd distance of your yard , or more , From my said Spouse : and in my sight and hearing . This is your covenant ? Wit. Yes , but you 'll allow For this time spent , now ? Fit. Set 'hem so much backe . Wit. I thinke , I shall not need it . Fit. Well , begin , Sir , There is your bound , Sir . Not beyond that rush . Wit. If you interrupt me , Sir , I shall discloake you . The time I have purchast , Lady , is but short ; And , therefore , if I imploy it thriftily , I hope I stand the neerer to my pardon . I am not here , to tell you , you are faire , Or lovely , or how well you dresse you , Lady , I 'll save my selfe that eloquence of your glasse , Which can speake these things better to you then I , And 't is a knowledge , wherein fooles may be As wise as a Court Parliament . Nor come I , With any prejudice , or doubt , that you Should , to the notice of your owne worth , neede Least revelation . Shee 's a simple woman , Know's not her good : ( who ever knowes her ill ) And at all caracts . That you are the wife , To so much blasted flesh , as scarce hath soule , In stead of salt , to keepe it sweet ; I thinke , Will aske no witnesses , to prove . The cold Sheetes that you lie in , with the watching candle , That sees , how dull to any thaw of beauty , Pieces , and quarters , halfe , and whole nights , sometimes , The Divell-given Elfine Squire , your husband , Doth leave you , quitting heere his proper circle , For a much-worse i' the walks of Lincolnes Inne , Under the Elmes , t' expect the feind in vane , there Will confesse for you . Fit. I did looke for this geere . Wit. And what a daughter of darknesse , he do's make you , Lock'd up from all society , or object ; Your eye not let to looke upon a face , Under a Conjurers ( or some mould for one , Hollow , and leane like his ) but , by great meanes , As I now make ; your owne too sensible sufferings , Without the extraordinary aydes , Of spells , or spirits , may assure you , Lady . For my part , I protest 'gainst all such practice , I work by no false arts , medicines , or charmes To be said forward and backward . Fit. No , I except : Wit. Sir , I shall ease you . Fit. Mum . Wit. Nor have I ends , Lady , Upon you , more then this : to tell you how Love Beauties good Angell , he that waits upon her At all occasions , and no lesse then Fortune , Helps th' adventurous , in me makes that proffer , Which never faire one was so fond , to lose ; Who could but reach a hand out to her freedome . On the first sight I lov'd you : since which time , Though I have travell'd , I have beene in travell More for this second blessing of your eies Which now I'have purchas'd , then for all aimes else . Thinke of it , Lady , be your mind as active , As is your beauty : view your object well . Examine both my fashion , and my yeeres Things , that are like , are soone familiar : And Nature joyes , still in equality . Let not the signe o' the husband fright you , Lady . But ere your spring be gone , injoy it . Flowers , Though faire , are oft but of one morning . Think , All beauty doth not last untill the Autumne . You grow old , while I tell you this . And such , As cannot use the present , are not wise , If Love and Fortune will take care of us , Why should our will be wanting ? This is all . Wha doe you answer , Lady ? Fit. Now , the sport comes . Let him still waite , waite , waite : while the watch goes , And the time runs . Wife ! Wit. How ! not any word ? Nay , then , I taste a tricke in 't . Worthy Lady , I cannot be so false to mine owne thoughts Of your presumed goodnesse , to conceive This as your rudenesse , which I see 's impos'd . Yet , since your cautelous Iaylor , here stands by you , And yo' are deni'd the liberty o' the house ; Let me take warrant , Lady , from your silence , ( Which ever is interpreted consent ) To make your answer for you : which shall be To as good purpose , as I can imagine , And what I thinke you 'ld speak . Fit. No , no , no , no . Wit. I shall resume , Sir . Man. Sir , what doe you meane ? Wit. One interruption more , Sir , and you goe Into your hose and doublet , nothing saves you . And therefore harken . This is for your wife . Man. You must play faire , Sir . Wit. Stand for me , good friend . Troth , Sir , t is more then true , that you have uttred Of my unequall , and so sordide match heere , With all the circumstances of my bondage . I have a husband , and a two-legg'd one , But such a moon-ling , as no wit of man Or roses can redeeme from being an Asse . H 'is growne too much , the story of mens mouthes To scape his lading : should I mak 't my study , And lay all waies , yea , call mankind to helpe , To take his burden off , why , this one act Of his , to let his wife out to be courted , And , at a price , proclaimes his asinine nature So lowd , as I am weary of my title to him . But Sir , you seeme a Gentleman of vertue , No lesse then blood ; and one that every way Lookes as hee were of too good quality , To intrap a credulous woman , or betray her Since you have paid thus deare , Sir , for a visit , And made such venter , on your wit , and charge Meerely to see me , or at most to speake to me , I were too stupid ; or ( what 's worse ) ingrate Not to returne your venter . Thinke , but how , I may with safety doe it ; I shall trust My love and honour to you , and presume , You 'll ever husband both , against this husband ; Who , if we chance to change his liberall eares , To other ensignes , and with labour make A new beast of him , as he shall deserve , Cannot complaine , he is unkindly dealth with . This day he is to goe to a new play , Sir , From whence no feare , no , nor authority , Scarsely the Kings command , Sir , will restraine him , Now you have fitted him with a Stage-garment , For the meere names sake , were there nothing else , And many more such journeies , he will make . Which , if they now , or , any time heereafter , Offer us opportunity , you heare , Sir , who 'll be as glad , and forward to imbrace , Meete , and enjoy it chearefully as you . I humbly thanke you , Lady . Fit. Keepe your ground Sir . Wit. Will you be lightned ? Fit. Mum . Wit. And but I am , By the sad contract , thus to take my leave of you At this so envious distance , I had taught Our lips ere this , to seale the happy mixture Made of our soules . But we must both , now , yeeld To the necessity . Doe not thinke yet , Lady , But I can kisse , and touch , and laugh , and whisper , And doe those crowning court-ships too , for which Day , and the publike have allow'd no name But , now , my bargaine binds me . 'T were rude injury , T' importune more , or urge a noble nature , To what of it's owne bounty it is prone to : Else , I should speake � But , Lady , I love so well , As I will hope , you 'll do so to . I have done , Sir . Fit. Well , then , I ha' won ? Wit. Sir , And I may win , too . Fit. O yes ! no doubt on 't . I 'll take carefull order , That shee shall hang forth ensignes at the window , To tell you when I am absent . Or I 'll keepe Three or foure foote-men , ready still of purpose , To runne and fetch you at her longings , Sir . I 'll goe bespeake me straight a guilt caroch , For her and you to take the aire in : yes , Into Hide-parke , and thence into Black-Friers , Visit the painters , where you may see pictures , And note the properest limbs , and how to make 'hem . Or what doe you say unto a middling Gossip ? To bring you aye together , at her lodging ? Under pretext of teaching o' my wife Some rare receit of drawing almond milke ? ha ? It shall bee a part of my care . Good Sir , God b'w'you . I ha' kept the contract , and the cloak is mine owne . Wit. Why , much good do 't you Sir ; it may fall out , That you ha' bought it deare , though I ha' not sould it . Fit. A pretty riddle ! Fare you well , good Sir . Wife , your face this way , looke on me : and thinke Yo'have had a wicked dreame , wife , and forget it . Man. This is the strangest motion I ere saw . Fit. Now , wife , sits this faire cloake the worse upon me , For my great sufferings , or your little patience ? ha ? They laugh , you thinke ? Mis. Fit. Why Sir , and you might see 't . What thought , they have of you , may be soone collected By the young Gentlmans speach . Fit. Young Gentleman ? Death ! you are in love with him , are you ? could he not Be nam'd the Gentleman , without the young ? Up to your Cabbin againe . Mis. Fit. My cage , yo'were best To call it ? Fit. Yes , sing there . You 'ld faine be making Blanck Manger with it at your mothers ! I know you . Goe get you up . How now ! what say you , Divell ?
Act. I. Scene . VII. Pug. Fitz. dottrell . Ingine . HEere is one Ingine , Sir , desires to speake with you . Fit. I thought he brought some newes , of a broker ! well , Let him come in , good Divell : fetch him else O , my fine Ingine ! what 's th' affaire ? more cheats ? Ing. No Sir , the Wit , the Braine , the great Projector , I told you of , is newly come to towne . Fit. Where , Ingine ? Ing. I ha' brought him � ( H 'is without ) Ere he pull'd off his boots , Sir , but so follow'd , For businesse : Fit. But what is a Projector ? I would conceive . Ing. Why , one Sir , that projects Waies to enrich men , or to make 'hem great , But suites , by marriages , by undertaking : According as he sees they humour it . Fit. Can he not conjure at all ? Ing. I thinke he can , Sir . ( To tell you true ) but , you doe know , of late , The State hath tane such note of 'hem , and compell'd 'hem , To enter such great bonds , they dare not practice . Fit. 'T is true , and I lie fallow for 't , the while ! Ing. O , Sir ! you 'll grow the richer for the rest . Fit. I hope I shall : but Ingine , you do talke Somewhat too much , o' my courses . My Cloake-customer Could tell me strange particulars . Ing. By my meanes ? Fit. How should he have 'hem else ? Ing. You doe not know , Sir , What he has : and by what arts ! A monied man , Sir , And is as great with your Almanack-Men , as you are ! Fit. That Gallant ? Ing. You make the other waite too long , here : And he is extreme punctuall . Fit. Is he a gallant ? Ing. Sir you shall see : He 'is in his riding suit , As he comes now from Court . But heere him speake : Minister matter to him , and then tell me .
Act. II. Scene . I. Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . Traines . Pug. SIr , money 's a whore , a bawd , a drudge ; Fit to runne out on errands : Let her goe . Via pecunia ! when she 's runne and gone , And fled and dead ; then will I fetch her , againe , With Aqua-vitae , out of an old Hogs-head ! While there are lees of wine , or dregs of beere , I 'll never want her ! Coine her out of cobwebs , Dust , but I 'll have her ! Raise wooll upon egge-shells , Sir , and make grasse grow out o'marro-bones . To make her come . ( Commend me to your Mistresse , Say , let the thousand pound but be had ready , And it is done ) I would but see the creature ( Of flesh , and blood ) the man , the Prince , indeed , That could imploy so many millions As I would helpe him to . Fit. How , talks he ? millions ? Mer. ( I 'll give you an account of this to morrow . ) Yes , I will take no lesse , and doe it too ; If they were Myriades : and without the Divell , By direct meanes , it shall be good in law . Ing. Sir . Mer. Tell Mr. Wood-cock , I 'll not faile to meet him Upon th' Exchange at night . Pray him to have The writings there , and wee 'll dispatch it : Sir , You are a Gentleman of a good presence , A handsome man ( I have considered you ) As a fit stocke to graft honours upon : I have a Project to make you a Duke , now . That you must be one , within so many moneths , And I set down , out of true reason of state , You sha' not avoid it . But you must harken , then . Ing. Harken ? why Sir , doe you doubt his eares ? Alas ! You doe not know Master Fitz-dottrel . Fit. He do's not know me indeed . I thank you , Ingine , For rectifying him . Mer. Good ! Why , Ingine , then I 'll tell you . ( I see you ha' credit , here , And , that you can keepe counsell , I 'll not question . ) He shall but be an undertaker with me , In a most feasible bus'nesse . It shall cost him Nothing . Ing. Good , Sir . Mer. Except he please , but 's count'nance ; ( That I will have ) t' appeare in 't , to great men , For which I 'll make him one . He shall not draw A string of 's purse . I 'll drive his pattent for him . We 'll take in Cit'zens , Commoners , and Aldermen , To beare the charge , and blow 'hem off againe , Like so many dead flies , when 't is carried . The thing is for recovery of drown'd Land , Whereof the Crown 's to have a moiety , If it be owner ; Else , the Crowne and Owners To share that moiety : and the recoverers T' enjoy the tother moiety , for their charge . Ing. Throughout England ? Mer. Yes , which will arise To eighteene millions , seven the first yeere : I have computed all , and made my survay Unto an acre , I 'll beginne at the Pan , Not , at the skirts : as some ha' done , and lost , All that they wrought , their timber-worke , their trench , Their bankes all borne away , or else fill'd up By the next winter . Tut , they never went The way . I 'll have it all . Ing. A Gallant tract Of land it is ! Mer. 'T will yeeld a pound an acre . We must let cheape , ever , at first . But Sir , This lookes too large for you , I see . Come hither , We 'll have a lesse . Here 's a plaine fellow , you see him , Has his black bag of papers , there , in Buckram , Wi'not be sould for th' Earldome of Pancridge : Draw , Gi' me out one , by chance . Project ; foure dogs skins ? Twelve thousand pound ! the very worst , at first . Fit. Pray you let 's see 't Sir . Mer. 'T is a toy , a trifle ! Fit. Trifle ! 12. thousand pound for dogs-skins ? Mer. Yes , But , by way of dressing , you must know , Sir , And med'cining the leather , to a height Of improv'd ware , like your Borachio Of Spaine , Sir . I can fetch nine thousand for 't � Ing. Of the Kings glover ? Mer. Yes , how heard you that ? Ing. Sir , I doe know you can . Mer. Within this houre And reserve halfe my secret . Pluck another ; See if thou hast a happier hand : I thought so . The very next worse to it ! Bottle-ale . Yet , this is two and twenty thousand ! Pr'y thee Pull out another , two or three . Fit. Good , stay , friend , By bottle-ale , two and twenty thousand pound ? Mer. Yes , Sir , it 's cast to penny-hal'penny-farthing , O' the back-side , there you may see it , read , I will not bate a Harrington o' the summe . I 'll winne it i' my water , and my malt , My furnaces , and hanging o' my coppers , The tonning , and subtilty o' my yest ; And , then the earth of my bottles , which I dig , Turne up , and steepe , and worke , and neale , my selfe , To a degree of Proc'lane . You will wonder , At my proportions , what I will put up In seven yeeres ! for so long time , I aske For my invention . I will save in corke , In my mere stop'ling , 'bove three thousand pound , Within that terme : by googing of 'hem out Just to the size of my bottles , and not flieing . There 's infinite losse i'th at . What hast thou there ? O'making wine of raisins : this is in hand , now , Ing. Is not that strange , Sir , to make wine of raisins ? Mer. Yes , and as true wine , as th' wines of France , Or Spaine , or Italy , Looke of what grape My raisin is , that wine I 'll render perfect , As of the muscatell grape , I 'll render muscatell ; Of Canary , his ; the Claret , his ; So of all kinds : and bate you of the prices , Of wine , throughout the kingdome , halfe in halfe . Ing. But , how , Sir , if you raise the other commodity , Raisins ? Mer. Why , then I 'll make it out of black-berries : And it shall doe the same . 'T is but more art , And the charge lesse . Take out another . Fit. No , good Sir . Save you the trouble , I 'll not looke , nor heare Of any , but your first , there ; the Drown'd-land : If 't will doe , as you say . Mer. Sir , there 's not place , To gi' you demonstration of these things . They are a little to subtle . But , I could shew you Such a necessity in 't , as you must be But what you please : against the receiv'd heresie , That England beares no Dukes . Keepe you the land , Sir , The greatnesse of th' estate shall throw 't upon you . If you like better turning it to money , What may not you , Sir , purchase with that wealth ? Say , you should part with two o' your millions , To be the thing you would , who would not do 't ? As I protest , I will , out of my divident , Lay , for some pretty principality , In Italy , from the Church : Now , you perhaps , Fancy the smoake of England , rather ? But � Ha' you no private roome , Sir , to draw to , T' enlarge our selves more upon . Fit. O yes , Divell ! Mer. These , Sir , are bus'nesses , aske to be carried With caution � and in cloud . Fit. I apprehend , They doe so , Sir , Divell , which way is your Mistresse ? Pug. Above , Sir , in her chamber . Fit. O that 's well . Then this way good , Sir . Mer. I shall follow you ; Traines , Gi' me the bag , and goe you presently , Commend my service to my Lady Tail-bush . Tell her I am come from Court this morning ; say , I'have got our bus'nesse mov'd , and well : Intreat her , That she give you the foure-score Angels , and see 'hem Dispos'd of to my Councel , Sir Poul Eitherside . Sometime , to day , I 'll waite upon her Ladiship , With the relation . Ing. Sir , of what dispatch , He is ! Do you mark ? Mer. Ingine , when did you see My cousin Ever-ill ? keepes he still your quarter ? I' the Bermudas ? Ing. Yes , Sir , he was writing This morning , very hard . Mer. Be not you knowne to him , That I am come to Towne : I have effected A businesse for him , but I would have it take him , Before he thinks for 't . Ing. It is past ? Mer. Not yet . 'T is well o' the way . Ing. O Sir ! your worship takes Infinite paines . Mer. I love Friends , to be active : A sluggish nature puts off man , and kinde . Ing. And such a blessing followes it . Mer. I thanke My fate . Pray you let 's be private , Sir ? Fit. In , here . Mer. Where none may interrupt us . Fit. You heare , Divell , Lock the street-doores fast , and let no one in ( Except they be this Gentlemans followers ) To trouble me . Doe you marke ? Yo'have hard and seene Something , to day ; and , by it , you may gather Your Mistresse is a fruite , that 's worth the stealing And therefore worth the watching . Be you sure , now , Yo'have all your eies about you ; and let in No lace-woman ; nor bawd , that brings French-masques , And cut-works . See you ? Nor old croanes , with wafers , To convey letters . Nor no youths , disguis'd Like country-wives , with creame , and marrow-puddings . Much knavery may be vented in a pudding , Much baudy intelligence : They' are shrewd ciphers . Nor turne the key to any neighbours need ; Be 't but to kindle fire , or begg a little , Put it out , rather : all out , to an ashe , That they may see no smoke . Or water , spill it : Knock o' the empty tubs , that by the sound , They may be forbid entry . Say , we are robb'd , If any come to borrow a spoone , or so . I wi'not have good fortune , or gods blessing Let in , while I am busie . Pug. I 'll take care , Sir , They sha'not trouble you , if they would . Fit. Well doe so .
Act. II. Scene . II. Pug. Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . I Have no singular service of this , now ? Nor no superlative Master ? I shall wish To be in hell againe , at leasure ? Bring , A Vice from thence ? That had bin such a subtilty , As to bring broad-clothes hither : or transport Fresh Oranges into Spaine . I finde it , now ; My Chiefe was i' the right . Can any fiend Boast of a better Vice , then heere by nature , And art , th' are owners of ? Hell ne'r owne me , But I am taken ! the fine tract of it Pulls me along ! To heare men such professors Growne in our subtlest Sciences ! My first Act , now , Shall be , to make this Master of mine cuckold : The primitive worke of darkenesse , I will practise ! I will deserve so well of my faire Mistresse , By my discoveries , first ; my counsells after ; And keeping counsell , after that : as who , So ever , is one , I 'll be another , sure , I 'll ha' my share . Most delicate damn'd flesh ! She will be ! O! that I could stay time , now , Midnight will come too fast upon me , I feare , To cut my pleasure � Mis. Fit. Looke at the back-doore , One knocks , see who it is . Pug. Dainty she Divell ! Mis. Fit. I cannot get this venter of the cloake , Out of my fancie ; nor the Gentlemans way , He tooke , which though 't were strange , yet 't was handsome , And had a grace withall , beyond the newnesse . Sure he will thinke me that dull stupid creature , He said , and may conclude it ; if I finde not Some thought to thanke th' attempt . He did presume , By all the carriage of it , on my braine , For answer ; and will sweare 't is very barren , If it can yeeld him no returne . Who is it ? Pug. Mistresse , it is , but first , let me assure The excellence , of Mistresses , I am , Although my Masters man , My Mistresse slave , The servant of her secrets , and sweet turnes , And know , what fitly will conduce to either . Mis. Fit. What 's this ? I pray you come to your selfe and thinke What your part is : to make an answer . Tell , Who is it at the doore ? Pug. The Gentleman , Mistresse , Who was at the cloake-charge to speake with you , This morning , who expects onely to take Some small command'ments from you , what you please , Worthy your forme , he saies , and gentlest manners . Mis. Fit. O! you 'll anon prove his hir'd man , I feare , What has he giv'n you , for this message ? Sir , Bid him put off his hopes of straw , and leave To spread his nets , in view , thus . Though they take Master Fitz-dottrel , I am no such foule , Nor faire one , tell him , will be had with stalking . And wish him to for-beare his acting to me , At the Gentlemans chamber-window in Lincolnes-Inne there , That opens to my gallery : else , I sweare T' acquaint my husband with his folly , and leave him To the just rage of his offended jealousie . Or if your Masters sense be not so quicke To right me , tell him , I shall finde a friend That will repaire me . Say , I will be quiet In mine owne house ? Pray you , in those words give it him . Pug. This is some foole turn'd ! Mis. Fit. If he be the Master , Now , of that state and wit , which I allow him ; Sure , he will understand me : I durst not Be more direct . For this officious fellow , My husbands new groome , is a spie upon me , I finde already . Yet , if he but tell him This in my words , he cannot but conceive Himselfe both apprehended , and requited . I would not have him thinke he met a statue : Or spoke to one , not there , though I were silent . How now ? ha' you tould him ? Pug. Yes . Mis. Fit. And what saies he ? Pug. Saies he ? That which my selfe would say to you , if I durst . That you are proude , sweet Mistresse ! and with-all , A little ignorant , to entertaine The good that 's proffer'd ; and ( by your beauties leave ) Not all so wise , as some true politique wife Would be : who having match'd with such a Nupson ( I speake it with my Masters peace ) whose face Hath left t' accuse him , now , for 't doth confesse him , What you can make him ; will yet ( out of scruple , And a spic'd conscience ) defraud the poore Gentleman , At least delay him in the thing he longs for , And makes it his whole study , how to compasse , Onely a title . Could but he write Cuckold , He had his ends . For , looke you � Mis. Fit. This can be None but my husbands wit . Pug. My pretious Mistresse . Mis. Fit. It creaks his Ingine : The groome never durst Be , else , so saucy � Pug. If it were not clearely , His worshipfull ambition ; and the top of it ; The very forked top too : why should he Keepe you , thus mur'd up in a back-roome , Mistresse , Allow you ne'r a casement to the streete , Feare of engendring by the eyes , with gallants , Forbid you paper , pen and inke , like Rats-bane . Search your halfe pint of muscatell , lest a letter Be suncke i' the pot : and hold your new-laid egge Against the fire � least any charme be writ there ? Will you make benefit of truth , deare Mistresse , If I doe tell it you : I do 't not often ? I am set over you , imploy'd , indeed , To watch your steps , your lookes , your very breathings , And to report them to him . Now , if you Will be a true , right , delicate sweet Mistresse , Why , we will make a cokes of this Wise Master , We will , my Mistresse , an absolute fine Cokes , And mock , to aire , all the deepe diligences Of such a solemne , and effectuall Asse , An Asse to so good purpose , as we 'll use him . I will contrive it so , that you shall goe To Plaies , to Masques , to Meetings , and to Feasts . For , why is all this Rigging , and fine Tackle , Mistresse , If you neate handsome vessells , of good saile , Put not forth ever , and anon , with your nets Abroad into the world . It is your fishing . There you shall chuse your friends , your servants , Lady , Your squires of honour ; I 'll convey your letters , Fetch answers , doe you all the offices , That can belong to your bloud , and beauty . And , For the variety , at my times , although I am not in due symmetrie , the man Of that proportion ; or in rule Of physicke , of the just complexion ; Or of that truth of Piccardell , in clothes , To boast a soveraignty o're Ladies : yet I know , to doe my turnes , sweet Mistresse . Come , kisse � Mis. Fit. How now ! Pug. Deare delicate Mistresse , I am your slave , Your little worme , that loves you : your fine Monkie ; Your Dogge , your Iack , your Pug , that longs to be Stil'd , o' your pleasures . Mis. Fit. Heare you all this ? Sir , Pray you , Come from your standing , doe , a little , spare Your selfe , Sir , from your watch , t' applaud your Squire , That so well followes your instructions !
Act. II. Scene . III . Fitz-dottrell . Mis. Fitz-dottrell . Pug. HOw now , sweetheart ? what 's the matter ? Mis. Fit. Good ! You are a stranger to the plot ! you set not Your saucy Divell , here , to tempt your wife , With all the insolent uncivill language , Or action , he could vent ? Fit. Did you so , Divell ? Mis. Fit. Not you ? you were not planted i' your hole to heare him , Upo'the stayres ? or here , behinde the hangings ? I doe not know your qualities ? he durst doe it , And you not give directions ? Fit. You shall see , wife , Whether he durst , or no : and what it was I did direct . Pug. Sweet Mistresse , are you mad ? Fit. You most meere Rogue ! you open manifest Villaine ! You Fiend apparant you ! you declar'd Hel-hound ! Pug. Good Sir . Fit. Good Knave , good Rascall , and good Traitor . Now , I doe finde you parcel-Divell , indeed . Upo' the point of trust ? I' your first charge ? The very day o' your probation ? To tempt your Mistresse ? You doe see , good wedlocke , How I directed him , Mis. Fit. Why , where Sir , were you ? Fit. Nay , there is one blow more , for exercise : I told you , I should doe it . Pug. Would you had done , Sir . Fit. O wife , the rarest man ! yet there 's another To put you in mind o' the last . Such a brave man , wife ! Within , he has his projects , and do's vent 'hem , The gallantest ! where you tentiginous ? ha ? Would you be acting of the Incubus ? Did her silkes rustling move you ? Pug. Gentle Sir . Fit. Out of my sight . If thy name were not Divell , Thou should'st not stay a minute with me . In , Goe , yet stay : yet goe too . I am resolv'd , What I will doe : and you shall know 't afore-hand . Soone as the Gentleman is gone , doe you heare ? I 'll helpe your lisping . Wife , such a man , wife ! He has such plots ! He will make me a Duke ! No lesse , by heaven ! six Mares , to your coach , wife ! That 's your proportion ! And your coach-man bald ! Because he shall be bare , inough , Doe not you laugh , We are looking for a place , and all , i' the map What to be of . Have faith , be not an Infidell . You know I am not easie to be gull'd . I sweare , when I have my millions , else , I 'll make Another Dutchesse ; if you ha' not faith . Mis. Fit. You 'll ha' too much , I feare , in these false spirits , Fit. Spirits ? O , no such thing ! wife ! wit , meere wit ! This man defies the Divell , and all his works ! He dos't by Ingine , and devises , he ! He has his winged ploughes , that goe with sailes , Will plough you forty acres , at once ! and mills , Will spout you water , ten miles off ! All Crowland Is ours , wife ; and the fens , from us , in Norfolke , To the utmost bound of Lincoln-shire ! we have view'd it . And measur'd it within all ; by the scale ! The richest tract of land , Love , i' the kingdome ! There will be made seventeene , or eighteene millions ; Or more , as 't may be handled ! wherefore , thinke , Sweet heart , if th' hast a fancy to one place , More then another , to be Dutchesse of ; Now , name it : I will ha 't , what ere it cost , ( If 't will be had for mony ) either here , Or'n France , or Italy . Mis. Fit. You ha' strange phantasies !
Act. II. Scene . IV. Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . WHere are you , Sir ? Fit. I see thou hast no talent This way , wife . Up to thy gallery ; doe , Chuck , Leave us to talke of it , who understand it . Mer. I thinke we ha' found a place to fit you , now , Sir . Gloc'ster . Fit. O , no , I 'll none ! Mer. Why , Sir ? Fit. T is fatall . Mer. That you say right in . Spenser , I thinke , the younger , Had his last honour thence . But , he was but Earle . Fit. I know not that , Sir . But Thomas of Woodstocke , I 'm sure , was Duke , and he was made away , At Calice ; as Duke Humphrey was at Bury : And Richard the third , you know what end he came too . Mer. By m'faith you are cunning i' the Chronicle , Sir . Fit. No , I confesse I ha 't from the Play-bookes , And thinke they' are more authentique . Ing. That 's sure , Sir . Mer. What say you ( to this then ) Fit. No a noble house . Pretends to that . I will doe no man wrong . Mer. Then take one proposition more , and here it As past exception . Fit. What 's that ? Mer. To be Duke of those lands , you shall recover : take Your title , thence , Sir , Duke of the Drown'd-lands , Or Drown'd-land . Fit. Ha ? that last has a good sound ! I like it well . The Duke of Dround-'land ? Ing. Yes ; It goes like Green-land , Sir , if you marke it . Mer. I , And drawing thus your honour from the worke , You make the reputation of that , greater ; And stay 't the longer i' your name . Fit. 'T is true . Droun'd-lands will live in Droun'd-land ! Mer. Yes , when you Ha' no foote left ; as that must bee , Sir , one day . And , though it tarry in your heyres , some forty , Fifty descents , the longer liver , at last , yet , Must thrust 'hem out on 't : if no quirk in law , Or odde Vice o'ther owne not do 't first . We see those changes , daily : the faire lands , That were the Clyents , are the Lawyers , now : And those rich Mannors , there , of good man Tailors , Had once more wood upon 'hem then the yard , By which th'were measur'd out for the last purchase . Nature hath these vicissitudes . Shee makes No man a state of perpetuity , Sir . Fit. Yo' are i' the right . Let 's in then , and conclude . I my sight , againe ? I 'll talke with you , anon .
Act. II. Scene . V. Pug. SUre he will geld me , if I stay : or worse , Pluck out my tongue , one o' the two . This Foole , There is no trusting of him : and to quit him , Were a contempt against my Chiefe , past pardon . It was a shrewd disheartning this at first ! Who would ha' thought a woman so well harness'd , Or rather well-caparison'd , indeed , That weares such petticoates , and lace to her smoks , Broad seaming laces ( as I see 'hem hang there ) And garters which are lost , if she can shew 'hem , Could ha' done this ? Hell ! why is shee so brave ? It cannot be to please Duke Dottrel , sure , Nor the dull pictures , in her gallery , Nor her owne deare reflection , in her glasse ; Yet that may be : I have knowne many of 'hem , Beginne their pleasure , but none end it , there : ( That I consider , as I goe a long with it ) They may , for want of better company , Or that they thinke the better , spend an houre ; Two , three , or foure , discoursing with their shaddow : But sure they have a farther speculation . No woman drest with so much care , and study , Doth dresse her selfe in vaine . I 'll vexe this probleme , A little more , before I leave it , sure .
Act. II. Scene . VI. Wittipol . Manly . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Pug. THis was a fortune , happy aboue thought , That this should prove thy chamber ; which I fear'd Would be my greatest trouble ! this must be The very window , and that the roome . Man. It is . I now remember , I have often seen there A woman but I never mark'd her much . Wit. Where was your soule , friend ? Man. Faith , but now , and then , Awake unto those objects . Wit. You pretend so . Let me not live , if I am not in love More with her wit , for this direction , now , Then with her forme , though I ha' prais'd that prettily , Since I saw her , and you , to day . Read those . They 'll goe unto the aire you love so well . Try 'hem unto the note , may be the musique Will call her sooner ; light , shee 's here ! Sing quickly . Mis. Fit. Either he understood him not : or else , The fellow was not faithfull in delivery , Of what I bad . And , I am justly pay'd , That might have made my profit of his service , But , by mis-taking , have drawne on his envy , And done the worse defeate upon my selfe . How ! Musique ? then he may be there : and is sure . Pug. O! Is it so ? Is there the enter-view ? Have I drawne to you , at last , my cunning Lady ? The Divell is an Asse ! fool'd off ! and beaten ! Nay , made an instrument ! and could not sent it ! Well , since yo'have showne the malice of a woman , No lesse then her true wit , and learning , Mistresse , I 'll try , if little Pug have the malignity To recompence it , and so save his danger . 'T is not the paine , but the discredite of it , The Divell should not keepe a body intire . Wit. Away , fall backe , shee comes . Man. I 'll leave you , Sir , The Master of my chamber . I have businesse . Wit. Mis. ! Mis. Fit. You make me paint , Sir . Wit. The' are faire colours , Lady , and naturall ! I did receive Some commands from you lately , gentle Lady , But so perplex'd , and wrap'd in the delivery , As I may feare t' have mis-interpreted : But must make sute still , to be neere your grace . Mis. Fit. Who is there with you , Sir ? Wit. None , but my selfe . It falls out , Lady , to be a deare friends lodging . Wherein there 's some conspiracy of fortune With your poore servants blest affections . Mis. Fit. Who was it sung ? Wi. He , Lady , but he 's gone , Upon my intreaty of him , seeing you Approach the window . Neither need you doubt him , If he were here . He is too much a gentleman . Mis. Fit. Sir if you judge me by this simple action And by the outward habite , and complexion Of easinesse , it hath , to your designe ; You may with Justice , say , I am a woman : And a strange woman . But when you shall please , To bring but that concurrence of my fortune , To memory , which to day your selfe did urge : It may beget some favor like excuse , Though none like reason . Wit. No , my tune-full Mistresse ? Then , surely , Love hath none ; nor Beauty any ; Nor Nature violenced , in both these : With all whose gentle tongues you speake , at once . I thought I had inough remov'd , already , That scruple from your brest , and left yo'all reason ; When , through my mornings perspective I shewd you A man so above excuse , as he is the cause , Why any thing is to be done upon him : And nothing call'd an injury , mis-plac'd . I rather now had hope , to shew you how Love By his accesses , growes more naturall : And , what was done , this morning , with such force Was but devis'd to serve the present , then . That since love hath the honour to approach These sister-swelling brests ; and touch this soft , And rosie hand ; he hath the skill to draw Their Nectar forth , with kissing ; and could make More wanton salts , from this brave promontory , Downe to this valley , then the nimble Roe ; Could play the hopping Sparrow , 'bout these nets ; And sporting Squirell in these crisped groves ; Bury himselfe in every Silke-wormes kell , Is here unravel'd ; runne into the snare , Which every haire is , is cast into a curle , To catch a Cupid flying : Bath himselfe In milke , and roses , here , and dry him , there ; Warme his cold hands , to play with this smooth , round , And well torn'd chin , as with the Billyard ball ; Rowle on these lips , the banks of love , and there At once both plant , and gather kisses . Lady , Shall I , with what I have made to day here , call All sense to wonder , and all faith to signe The misteries revealed in your forme ? And will Love pardon me the blasphemy I utter'd , when I said , a glasse could speake This beauty , or that fooles had power to judge it ? Doe but looke , on her eies ! They doe light � All that Love's world comprizeth ! Doe but looke on her haire ! it is bright , As Love's starre , when it riseth ! Doe but marke , her fore-head smoother , Then words that sooth her ! And from her arched browes , such grace Sheds it selfe through the face ; As alone , there triumphs to the life , All the gaine , all the good , of the elements strife ! Have you seene but a bright Lilly grow , Before rude hands have touch'd it ? Have you mark'd but the fall of Snow , Before the soyle hath smutch'd it ? Have you felt the wooll o' the Bever ? Or Swans downe , ever ? Or , have smelt o' the bud o' the Brier ? Or the Nard i' the fire ? Or , have tasted the bag o' the Bee ? O , so white ! O , so soft ! O , so sweet is shee .
Act. II. Scene . VII. Fitz-dottrell . Wittipol . Pug. IS shee so , Sir ? and , I will keepe her so . If I know how , or can : that wit of man Will doe 't , I 'll goe no farther . At this window ' She shall no more be buz'd at . Take your leave on 't . If you be sweet meates , wedlock , or sweet flesh , All 's one : I doe not love this hum about you . A fly-blowne wife is not so proper , In : For you , Sir , looke to heare from me .. Wit. So , I doe , Sir . Fit. No , but in other tearmes . There 's no man offers This to my wife , but paies for 't , Wit. That have I , Sir . Fit. Nay , then , I tell you , you are . Wit. What am I , Sir ? Fit. Why , that I 'll thinke on , when I ha' cut your throat . Wit. Goe , you are an Asse . Fit. I am resolv'd on 't , Sir . Wit. I thinke you are . Fit. To call you to a reckoning . Wit. Away , you brokers blocke , you property . Fit. S'light , if you strike me , I 'll strike your Mistresse , Wit. O! I could shoote my eyes at him , for that , now ; Or leave my teeth in him , were they cuckolds bane , Inough to kill him . What prodigious , Blinde , and most wicked change of fortune 's this ? I ha' no aire of patience : all my vaines Swell , and my sinewes start at iniquity of it . I shall breake , breake . Pug. This for the malice of it , And my revenge may passe ! But , now , my conscience Tells mee , I have profited the cause of Hell But little , in the breaking-off their loves . Which , if some other act of mine repaire not , I shall heare ill of my accompt . Fit. O , Bird ! Could you doe this ? 'gainst me ? and at this time , now ? When I was so imploy'd , wholly for you , Drown'd i' my care ( more , then the land , I sweare , I'have hope to win ) to make you peere-lesse ? studying , For footmen for you , fine pac'd huishers , pages , To serve you o' the knee ; with what Knights wife , To beare your traine , and sit with your foure women In councell , and receive intelligences , From forraine parts , to dresse you at all pieces ! Y'have ( a'most ) turn'd my good affection , to you ; Sowr'd my sweet thoughts ; all my pure purposes : I could now finde ( i' my very heart ) to make Another , Lady Dutchesse ; and depose you . Well , goe your waies in . Divell , you have redeem'd all . I doe forgive you . And I 'll doe you good .
Act. III. Scene . VIII. Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . Traines . WHy ha' you these excursions ? where ha' you beene , Sir ? Fit. Where I ha' beene vex'd a little , with a toy ! Mer. O Sir ! no toies must trouble your grave head , Now it is growing to be great . You must Be above all those things . Fit. Nay , nay , so I will . Mer. Now you are to'ard the Lord , you must put off The man , Sir . Ing. He saies true . Mer. You must doe nothing As you ha' done it heretofore ; not know , Or salute any man . Ing. That was your bed-fellow , The other moneth . Mer. The other moneth ? the weeke . Thou dost not know the priviledges , Ingine , Follow that Title ; nor how swift : To day , When he has put on his Lords face once , then � Fit. Sir , for these things I shall doe well enough , There is no feare of me . But then , my wife is Such an untoward thing ! shee 'll never learne How to comport with it ! I am out of all Conceipt , on her behalfe . Mer. Best have her taught , Sir . Fit. Where ? Are there any Schooles for Ladies ? Is there An Academy for women ? I doe know , For men there was : I learn'd in it , my selfe , To make my legges , and doe my postures . Ing. Sir . Doe you remember the conceipt you had � O' the Spanish gowne , at home ? Mer. Ha! I doe thanke thee , With all my heart , deare Ingine . Sir , there is A certaine Lady , here about the Towne , An English widdow , who hath lately travell'd , But shee 's call'd the Spaniard ; cause she came Latest from thence : keeps the Spanish habit . Such a rare woman ! all our women heere , That are of spirit , and fashion flocke , unto her , As to their President ; their Law ; their Canon ; More then they ever did , to Oracle-Foreman . Such rare receipts she has , Sir , for the face ; Such oyles ; such tinctures ; such pomatumn's ; Such perfumes ; med'cines ; quintessences , &c. And such a mistresse of behavior ; She knowes , from the Dukes daughter , to the Doxey , What is their due just : and no more ! Fit. O , Sir ! You please me i'th is , more then mine owne greatnesse . Where is she ? Let us have her . Mer. by your patience , We must use meanes ; cast how to be acquainted � Fit. Good Sir , about it . Mer. We must think how , first , Fit. O! I do not love to tarry for a thing , When I have a mind to 't . You doe not know me . If you doe offer it . Mer. Your wife must send Some pretty token to her , with a complement , And pray to be receiv'd in her graces , All the great Ladies do 't , Fit. She shall , she shall , What were it best to be ? Mer. Some little toy , I would not have it any great matter , Sir : A Diamant ring , of forty or fifty pound , Would doe it handsomely : and be a gift Fit for your wife to send , and her to take . Fit. I 'll goe , and tell my wife on 't , streight . Mer. Why this Is well ! the clothes we'have now : But where 's this Lady ? If we could get a witty boy , now , Ingine ; That were an excellent cracke . I could instruct him , To the true height . For any thing takes this dottrel . Ing. Why , Sir your best will be one o' the players ! Mer. No , there 's no trusting them . They 'll talke on 't , And tell their Poets . Ing. What if they doe ? the jest Will brooke the Stage . But there be some of 'hem Are very honest Lads . There 's Dicke Robinson A very pretty fellow , and comes often To a Gentlemans chamber , a friends of mine . We had The merriest supper of it there , one night , The Gentlemans Land-lady invited him To'a Gossips feast , Now , he Sir brought Dick Robinson , Drest like a Lawyers wife , amongst 'hem all ; ( I lent him cloathes ) but , to see him behave it ; And lay the law ; and carve ; and drinke unto 'hem ; And then talke baudy : and send frolicks ! o ! It would have burst your bottons , or not left you A seame . Mer. They say hee 's an ingenious youth ! Ing. O Sir ! and dresses himselfe , the best ! beyond Forty o' your very Ladies ! did you ne'r see him ? Mer. No , I doe seldome see those toyes . But thinke you , That we may have him ? Ing. Sir , the young Gentleman I tell you of , can command him . Shall I attempt it ? Mer. Yes doe it . Fit. S'light , I cannot get my wife To part with a ring , on any termes : and yet , The sollen Monkey has two . Mer. It were 'gainst reason , That you should urge it ; Sir , send to a Gold-smith , Let not her lose by 't . Fit. How do's she lose by 't ? Is 't not for her ? Mer. Make it your owne bounty , It will ha' the better successe ; what is a matter Of fifty pound to you , Sir . Fit. I have but a hundred Pieces , to shew here ; that I would not breake � Mer. You shall ha' credit , Sir . I 'll send a ticket Unto my Gold-smith . Heere , my man comes too , To carry it fitly . How , now , Traines ? What birds ? Tra. Your Cousin Ever-ill met me , and has beat me , Because I would not tell him where you were : I thinke he has dogd me to the house too . Fit. Well � You shall goe out at the back-doore , then , Traines . You must get Guilt-head hither , by some meanes : Tra. 'T is impossible ! Fit. Tell him we have venison , I 'll g 'him a piece , and send his wife a Phesant . Tra. A Forrest moves not till that forty pound , Yo 'had of him , last , be pai'd . He keepes more stirre , For that same petty some , then for your bond Of sixe ; and Statute of eight hundred ! Fit. Tell him Wee 'll hedge in that . Cry up Fitz-dottrell to him , Double his price : Make him a man of mettall . Tra. That will not need , his bond is currant inough .
Act. III. Scene . I. Guilt-head . Plutarchus . ALl this is to make you a Gentleman : I 'll have you learne , Sonne . Wherefore have I plac'd you With Sir . Pould Either-side , but to have so much Law To keepe your owne ? Besides , he is a Iustice , Here i' the Towne ; and dwelling , Sonne , with him , You shall learne that in a yeere , shall be worth twenty Of having stay'd you at Oxford , or at Cambridge , Or sending you to the Innes of Court , or France . I am call'd for now in haste , by Master Meere-craft To trust Master Fitz-dottrell , a good man : I'have inquir'd him , eighteene hundred a yeere , ( His name is currant ) for a diamant ring Of forty , shall not be worth thirty ( that 's gain'd ) And this is to make you a Gentleman ! Plu. O , but good father , you trust too much ! Gui. Boy , boy , We live , by finding fooles out , to be trusted . Our shop-bookes are our pastures , our corn-grounds , We lay 'hem op'n , for them to come into : And when we have 'hem there , we drive 'hem up In t'one of our two Pounds , the Compters , streight , And this is to make you a Gentleman ! We Citizens never trust , but we doe coozen : For , if our debters pay , we coozen them ; And if they do not , then we coozen our selves . But that 's a hazard every one must runne , That hopes to make his Sonne a Gentleman ! Plu. I doe not wish to be one , truly , Father . In a descent , or two , we come to be Just 'itheir state , fit to be coozend , like 'hem . And I had rather ha' tarried i' your trade : For , since the Gentry scorne the Citty so much , Me thinks we should in time , holding together , And matching in our owne tribes , as they say , Have got an Act of Common Councell , for it , That we might coozen them out of rerum natura . Gui. I , if we had an Act first to forbid The marrying of our wealthy heires unto 'hem : And daughters , with such lavish portions , That confounds all . Plu. And makes a Mungril breed , Father . And when they have your money then they laugh at you : Or kick you downe the staires . I cannot abide 'hem . I would faine have 'hem coozen'd , but not trusted .
Act. III. Scene . II. Meere-craft . Guilt-head . Fitz-dottrell . Plutarchus . O , Is he come ! I knew he would not faile me . Welcome , good Guilt-head , I must ha' you doe A noble Gentleman , a courtesie , here : In a mere toy ( some pretty Ring , or Jewell ) Of fifty , or threescore pound ( Make it a hundred , And hedge in the last forty , that I owe you , And your owne price for the Ring ) He 's a good man , Sir , And you may hap ' see him a great one ! He , Is likely to bestow hundreds , and thousands , Wi' you ; if you can humour him . A great Prince He will be shortly . What doe you say ? Gui. In truth , Sir I cannot . 'T has beene a long vacation with us . Fit. Of what , I pray thee ? of wit ? or honesty ? Those are your Citizens long vacations . Plu. Good Father do not trust 'hem . Mer. Nay , Thom. Guilt-head . He will not buy a courtesie and begge it : He 'll rather pay , then pray . If you doe for him , You must doe cheerefully . His credit , Sir , Is not yet prostitute ! Who 's this ? thy sonne ? A pretty youth , what 's his name ? Plu. Plutarchus , Sir . Mer. Plutarchus ! How came that about ? Gui. That yeere Sir , That I begot him , I bought Plutarch's lives , And fell s' in love with the booke , as I call'd my sonne By' his name ; In hope he should be like him : And write the lives of our great men ! Mer. I' the City ? And you doe breed him , there ? Gui. His mind , Sir , lies Much to that way . Mer. Why , then , he is i' the right way . Gui. But , now , I had rather get him him a good wife , And plant him i' the country ; there to use The blessing I shall leave him . Mer. Out upont 't ! And lose the laudable meanes , thou hast at home , here , T' advance , and make him a young Alderman ? Buy him a Captaines place , for shame ; and let him Into the world , early , and with his plume , And Scarfes , march through Cheapside , or along Cornehill , And by the vertue ' of those , draw downe a wife There from a windo' , worth ten thousand pound ! Get him the posture booke , and 's leaden men , To set upon a table , 'gainst his Mistresse Chance to come by , that he may draw her in , And shew her Finsbury battells . Gui. I have plac'd him With Justice Etherside , to get so much law � Mer. As thou hast conscience ! Come , come , thou dost wrong Pretty Plutarchus , who had not his name , For nothing : but was borne to traine the youth Of London , in the millitary truth � That way his Genius lies . My Cousin Everill !
Act. III. Scene . III . Ever-ill . Plutarchus . Guilt-head . Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . O , Are you heere , Sir ? 'pray you let us whisper . Plu. Father , deare Father , trust him if you love me . Guil. Why , I doe meane it , boy ; but , what I doe , Must not come easily from me : Wee must deale With Courtiers , boy , as Courtiers deale with us . If I have a Businesse there , with any of them , Why , I must waite , I 'am sure on 't , Son : and though My Lord dispatch me , yet his worshipfull man � Will keepe me for his sport , a moneth , or two , To shew me with my fellow Cittizens . I must make his traine long , and full , one quarter ; And helpe the spectacle of his greatnesse . There , Nothing is done at once , but injuries , boy : And they come head-long ! all their good turnes move not , Or very slowly . Plu. Yet sweet father , trust him . Gui. Well , I will thinke .. Ev. Come , you must do 't , Sir . I 'am undone else , and your Lady Tail-bush Has sent for me to dinner , and my cloaths Are all at pawne . I had sent out this morning , Before I heard you were come to towne , some twenty Of my Epistles , and no one returne � Mer. Why , I ha' told you o'th is . This comes of wearing Scarlet , gold lace , and cut-works ! your fine gartring ! With your blowne roses , Cousin ! and your eating Phesant , and Godwit . here in London ! haunting The Globes , and Mermaides ! and wedging in with Lords , Still at the table ! and affecting lechery , In velvet ! where could you ha' contented your selfe With cheese , salt-butter , and a pickled hering , I' the Low-countries ; there worne cloth , and fustian ! Beene satisfied with a leape o' your Host's daughter , In garrison , a wench of a stoter ! or , Your Sutlers wife , i' the leaguer , of two blanks ! You never , then , had runne upon this flat , To write your letters missive , and send out Your privy seales , that thus have frighted off All your acquaintance ; that they shun you at distance , Worse , then you do the Bailies ! Eve. Pox upon you . I come not to you for counsell , I lack money . Mer. You doe not thinke , what you owe me already ? Eve. I ? They owe you that meane to pay you . I 'll be sworne , I never meant it . Come , you will project , I shall undoe your practice , for this moneth ��� You know me . Mer. I yo' are a right sweet nature ! Eve. Well , that 's all one ! Mer. You 'll leave this Empire , one day ? You will not ever have this tribute payd , Your scepter o' the sword ? Eve. Tye up your wit , Doe , and provoke me not � Mer. Will you , Sir , helpe , To what I shall provoke another for you ? Eve. I cannot tell ; try me : I thinke I am not So utterly , of an ore un-to-be-melted , But I can doe my selfe good , on occasions . Mer. Strike in then , for your part . Mr. Fitz-dottrel If I transgresse in point of manners , afford me Your best construction ; I must beg my freedome From your affaires , this day . Fit. How , Sir . Mer. It is In succor of this Gentlemans occasions , My kins-man � Fit. You 'll not doe me that affront , Sir . Mer. I am sorry you should so interpret it , But , Sir , it stands upon his being invested , In a new , office , he has stood for , long : Master of the Dependances ! A place Of my projection too , Sir , and hath met Much opposition ; but the State , now see 's That great necessity of it , as after all Their writing , and their speaking , against Divells , They have erected it . His booke is drawne � For , since , there will be differences , daily , 'Twixt Gentlemen ; and that the roaring manner Is growne offensive ; that those few , we call The civill men o' the sword , abhorre the vapours ; They shall refer now , hither , for their processe ; And such as trespasse 'gainst the rule of Court , Are to be fin'd � Fit. In troth , a pretty place ! Mer. A kinde of arbitrary Court 't will be , Sir . Fit. I shall have matter for it , I beleeve , Ere it be long : I had a distast . Mer. But now , Sir , My learned councell , they must have a feeling , They 'll part , Sir , with no bookes , without the hand gout Be oyld , and I must furnish . If 't be money , To me streight . I am Mine , Mint and Exchequer , To supply all . What is 't ? a hundred pound ? Eve. No th' Harpey , now stands on a hundred pieces . Mer. Why , he must have 'hem , if he will . To morrow , Sir , Will equally serve your occasion's , � And therefore , let me obtaine , that you will yeeld To timing a poore Gentlemans distresses , In termes of hazard . � Fit. By no meanes ! Mer. I must Get him him this money , and will . � Fit. Sir , I protest , I 'd rather stand engag'd for it my selfe : Then you should leave me . Mer. O good Sir , doe you thinke So coursely of our manners , that we would , For any need of ours , be prest to take it : Though you be pleas'd to offer it . Fit. Why by heaven , I meane it ! Mer. I can never beleeve lesse . But we , Sir , must preserve our dignity , As you doe publish yours . By your faire leave , Sir . Fit. As I am a Gentleman , if you doe offer To leave me now , or if you doe refuse me , I will not thinke you love me . Mer. Sir , I honour you . And with just reason , for these noble notes , Of the nobility , you pretend too ! But , Sir � I would know , why ? a motive ( he a stranger ) You should doe this ? ( Eve. You 'll mar all with your finenesse ) Fit. Why , that 's all one , if 't were , Sir , but my fancy . But I have a Businesse , that perhaps I 'd have Brought to his office . Mer. O , Sir ! I have done , then ; If he can be made profitable , to you . Fit. Yes , and it shall be one of my ambitions To have it the first Businesse ? May I not ? Eve. So you doe meane to make 't , a perfect Businesse . Fit. Nay I 'll doe that assure you : shew me once . Mer Sir , ��� concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse , For his own honour ! Eve. I , and th' reputation To of my place . Fit. Why , why , doe I take this course , else ? ��� not altogether , an Asse , good Gentlemen , Wherefore should I consult you ? doe you thinke ? To make a song on 't ? How 's your manner ? tell us . Mer. Doe , satisfie him : give him the whole course . Eve. First , by request , or otherwise you offer Your Businesse to the Court : wherein you crave : The judgement of the Master and the Assistants . Fit. Well , that 's done , now , what doe you upon it ? Eve. We streight Sir , haue recourse to the spring-head ; Visit the ground ; and so disclose the nature : If it will carry , or no . If we doe finde , By your proportions it is like to prove A sullen , and blacke Bus'nesse That it be Incorrigible ; and out of , treaty ; then , We file it , a Dependance ! Fit. So 't is fil'd . What followes ? I doe love the order of these things . Eve. We then advise the party , if he be A man of meanes and havings � that forth-with , He settle his estate : if not , at least That he pretend it . For , by that , the world Takes notice , thatt inow is a Dependance . And this we call , Sir , Publication . Fit. Very sufficient ! After Publication , now ? Eve Then we grant out our Processe , which is divers ; Either by Chartell , Sir , or ore-tenus , Wherein the Challenger , and Challengee Or ( with your Spaniard ) your Provocador , And Provocado , have their severall courses � Fit. I have enough on 't ! for an hundred pieces ? Yes , for two hundred , under-write me doe . Your man will take my bond ? Mer. That he will , sure , But , these same Citizens , they are such sharks ! There 's an old debt of forty , I ga'my word For one is runne away , into the Bermudas , And he will hooke in that , or he wi'not doe . Fit. Why let him . That and the ring , and a hundred pieces , Will all but make two hundred ? Mer. No , no more , Sir . What ready Arithmetique you have ? do you heare ? A pretty mornings worke for you , this ? Do it , You shall ha' twenty pound on 't . Gui. Twenty pieces ? ( Plu. Good Father , do 't ) Mer. You will hooke still ? well , Shew us your ring . You could not ha' done this , now With gentlenesse , at first , we might ha' thank'd you ? But groane , and ha' your courtesies come from you Like a hard stoole , and stinke ? A man may draw Your teeth out easier , then your money ? Come , Were little Guilt-head heere , no better a nature , I should ne'r love him , that could pull his lips off , now ! Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman ? Plu. Yes , Sir . Mer. And went to the Court at Christmas , and St. Georges-tide ? And lent the Lords-men , chaines ? Plu. Of gold , and pearle , Sir . Mer. I knew , thou must take , after some body ! Thou could'st not be else . This was no shop-looke I 'll ha'thee Captaine Guilt-head , and march up , And take in Pimlico , and kill the bush , At every taverne ! Thou shalt have a wife , If smocks will mount , boy . How now ? you ha' there now Some Bristo-stone , or Cornish counterfet You 'ld put upon us . Guil. No , Sir , I assure you : Looke on his luster ! he will speake himselfe ! I 'le gi' you leave to put him i' the Mill , H 'is no great , large stone , but a true Paragon , H' has all his corners , view him well . Mer. H 'is yellow . Gui. Vpo'my faith , Sir , o' the right black-water , And very deepe ! H 'is set without a foyle , too . Here 's one o' the yellow water , I 'll sell cheape . Mer. And what doe you valew this at ? thirty pound ? Gui. No , Sir , he cost me forty , ere he was set . Mer. Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks : You' are growne the better Fathers of 'hem o'late , Well , where 't must goe , t will be judg'd , and therefore , Looke you't be right . You shall have fifty pound for 't . Not a deneer more ! And because you would Have things dispatch'd , Sir , I 'll goe presently , Inquire out this Lady , If you thinke good Sir . Having an hundred pieces ready , you may Part with those , now , to serve my kinsmans turnes , That he may wait upon you , anon , the freer ; And take 'hem when you ha' seal'd , againe , of Guilt-head . Fit. I care not if I doe ! Mer. And dispatch all , Together , Fit. Th' are just : a hundred pieces ! I' ha' told 'hem over , twice a day , these two months . Mer. Well , goe and seale then , Sir , make your returne As speedy as you can . Eve. Come gi' me . Mer. Soft Sir . Eve. Marry , and faire too , then . I 'll no delaying , Sir . Mer. But you will heare ? Eve. Yes , when I have my divident . Mer. There 's forty pieces for you . Eve. What is this for ? Mer. Your halfe . You know that Guilt-head must ha' twenty . Eve. And what 's your ring there ? shall I ha' none o'th at ? Mer. O , that 's to be given to a Lady ! Eve. Is 't so ? Mer. By that good light , it is . Eve. Come , gi' me Ten pieces more then . Mer. Why ? Eve. For Guilt , head ? Sir , Doe you thinke , I 'll 'low him any such share . Mer. You must . Eve. Must I ? Doe you your musts , Sir , I 'll doe mine , You wi'not part with the whole , Sir ? Will you ? Goe too . Gi' me ten pieces ! Mer. By what law doe you this ? Eve. E'n Lyon-law , Sir , I must roare else . Mer. Good ! Eve. Yo'have heard , how th' Asse made his divisions wisely ? Mer. And I am he , I thanke you . Eve. Much good doe you , Sir . Mer. I shall be rid o'th is tyranny , one day ? Eve. Not , While you doe eate , and lie about the towne here ; And coozen i' your bullions and I stand Your name of credit , and compound your businesse ; Adjourne beatings every terme ; and make New parties for your projects . I have now A pretty tasque of it , to hold you in Wi'your Lady Taile-bush : but the toy will be , How we shall both come off ? Mer. Leave your doubting , And doe your portion , what 's assign'd you : I Never fail'd yet . Eve. With reference to your aides ? You 'll still be unthankfull . Where shall I meete you anon ? You ha' some feate to be done alone , now , I see ; You wish me gone , well , I will finde you out , And bring you after to the audit . Mer. S'light ! There 's Ingines share too , I had forgot ! This raigne Is too-too unsuportable ! I must Quit my selfe of this vassalege ! Ingine ! welcome .
Act. III. Scene . IV. Meer-craft . Wittipol . Ingine . HOw goes the cry ? Ing Excellent well ! Mer. Wil 't do ? Where 's Robinson ? Ing. Here is the Gentleman , Sir . Will undertake t'himselfe . I have acquainted him . Mer. Why did you so ? Ing. Why , Robinson would ha' told him , You know . And he 's a pleasant wit ! will hurt Nothing you purpose . Then , he 'is of opinion , That Robinson might have audacity , She being such a gallant . Now , he has beene , In Spaine , and knowes the fashions there , and can Discourse ; and being but mirth ( he saies ) leave much , To his care : Mer. But he is too tall ! Ing. For that , He has the bravest device ! ( you 'll love him for 't ) To say , he weares Cioppines : and they doe so In Spaine . And Robinson 's as tall , as he . Mer. Is he so ? Ing. Every jot . Mer. Nay , I had rather To trust a Gentleman with it , o' the two . Ing. Pray you goe to him , then , Sir , and salute him . Mer. Sir , my friend Ingine has acquainted you With a strange businesse , here . Wit. A merry one , Sir . The Duke of Droun'd land , and his Dutchesse ? Mer. Yes , Sir . Now , that the Conjurers ha' laid him by , I ha' made bold to borrow him a while ; Wit. With purpose , yet , to put him out I hope To his best use ? Mer. Yes , Sir . Wit. For that small part , That I am trusted with , put off your care : I would not lose to doe it , for the mirth , Will follow of it ; and well I have a fancy . Mer. Sir , that will make it well . Wit. You will report it so . Where must I have my dressing ? Ing. At my house , Sir . Mer. You shall have caution , Sir , for what he yeelds , To six pence . Wit. You shall pardon me . I will share , Sir , I' your sports , only : nothing i' your purchase . But you must furnish me with complements , To th' manner of Spaine ; my coach , my guarda duenn'as ; Mer. Ingine 's your Pro'vedor . But , Sir , I must ( Now I'have entred trust wi' you , thus farre ) Secure still i' your quality , acquaint you With somewhat , beyond this . The place design'd To be the Scene , for this our merry matter , Because it must have countenance of women , To draw discourse , and offer it , is hereby , At the Lady Taile-bushes . Wit. I know her , Sir , And her Gentleman huisher . Mer. Mr. Ambler ? Wit. Yes , Sir . Mer. Sir , it shall be no shame to me , to confesse To you that we poore Gentlemen , that want acres , Must for our needs , turne fooles up , and plough Ladies Sometimes , to try what glebe they are : and this Is no unfruitfull piece . She and I now , Are on a project for the fact , and venting Of a new kinde of fucus ( paint for Ladies ) To serve the kingdome : wherein she her selfe Hath travell'd , specially by way of service Vnto her sexe , and hopes to get the Monopoly , As the reward of her invention . Wit. What is her end , in this ? Ev. Merely ambition , Sir , to grow great , and court it with the secret : Though she pretend some other . For she 's dealing , Already , upon caution for the shares , And Mr. Ambler , is he nam'd Examiner For the ingredients ; and the Register Of what is vented ; and shall keepe the Office . Now , if she breake with you , of this ( as I Must make the leading thred to your acquaintance , That how experience gotten i' your being Abroad , will helpe our businesse ) thinke of some Pretty additions , but to keepe her floting : It may be , she will offer you a part , Any strange names of � Wit. Sir , I have my instructions . Is it not high time to be making ready ? Mer. Yes , Sir , Ing. The foole 's in sight , Dottrel . Mer. Away then .
Act. III. Scene . V. Mere-craft , Fitz-dottrell , Pug. REturn'd so soone ? Fit. Yes , here 's the ring : I ha' seal'd . But there 's not so much gold in all the row , he saies � Till 't come fro' the Mint . 'T is tane up for the gamsters . Mer. There 's a shop-shift ! plague on 'hem . Fit. He do's sweare it . Mer. He 'll sweare , and forsweare too , it is his trade , You should not have left him . Fit. S'lid , I can goe backe , And beat him , yet . Mer. No , now let him alone . Fit. I was so earnest , after the maine Businesse , To have this ring , gone . Mer. True , and 't is time . I have learn'd , Sir , sin'you went , her Ladiship eats With the Lady Tail-bush , here , hard by . Fit. I' the lane here ? Mer. Yes , if yo 'had a servant , now of presence , Well cloth'd , and of an aëry voluble tongue , Neither too bigge , or little for his mouth , That could deliver your wives complement ; To send along withall . Fit. I have one Sir , A very handsome , gentleman-like-fellow , That I doe meane to make my Dutchesse Vsher � I entertain'd him , but this morning , too : I 'll call him to you . The worst of him , is his name ! Mer. She 'll take no note of that , but of his message . Fit. Divell ! How like you him , Sir . Pace , go a little . Let 's see you move . Mer. He 'll serve , Sir , give it him : And let him goe along with me , I 'll helpe To present him , and it . Fit. Looke , you doe sirah , Discharge this well , as you expect your place . Do' you heare , goe on , come off with all your honours . I would faine see him , do it . Mer. Trust him , with it ; Fit. Remember kissing of your hand , and answering With the French-time , in flexure of your body . I could not so instruct him � and for his words � Mer I 'll put them in his mouth . Fit. O , but I have 'hem O' the very Academies ! Mer. Sir , you 'll have use for 'hem , Anon , your selfe , I warrant you : after dinner , When you are call'd . Fit. S'light , that 'll be just play-time . It cannot be , I must not lose the play ! Mer. Sir , but you must , if she appoint to sit . And , she 's president . Fit. S'lid , it is the Divell ! Mer. And 't were his Damme too , you must now apply Your selfe , Sir , to this , wholly ; or lose all . Fit. If I could but see a piece � Mer. Sir . Never think on 't . Fit. Come but to one act , and I did not care � But to be seene to rise , and goe away , To vex the Players , and to punish their Poet � Keepe him in awe ! Mer. But say , that he be on t , Wi'not be aw'd ! but laugh at you . How then ? Fit. Then he shall pay for'h is dinner himselfe . Mer. Perhaps , He would do that twice , rather then thanke you . Come , get the Diuell out of your head , my Lord , ( I 'll call you so in private still ) and take Your Lord-ship i' your minde . You were , sweet Lord , In talke to bringe a Businesse to the Office . Fit. Yes . Mer. Why should not you , Sir , carry it o' your selfe , Before the Office be up ? and shew the world , You had no need of any mans direction ; In point , Sir , of sufficiency . I speake Against a kinsman , but as one that tenders Your graces good . Fit. I thanke you ; to proceed � Mer. To Publications : ha' your Deed drawne presently . And leave a blancke to put in your Feoffees One , two , or more , as you see cause � Fit. I thanke you Heartily , I doe thanke you . Not a word more , I pray you , as you love me . Let me alone . That I could not thinke o'th is , as well as he ? O , I could beate my infinite blocke-head � ! Mer. Come , we must this way . Pug. How far is 't . Mer. Hard by here Over the way . Now , to atchieve this ring , From this same fellow , that is to assure it ; Before he give it . Though my Spanish Lady , Be a young Gentleman of meanes , and scorne To share as he doth say , I doe not know How such a toy may tempt his Ladyship : And therefore , I thinke best , it be assur'd . Pug. Sir , be the Ladies brave , we goe unto ? Mer. O , yes . Pug. And shall I see 'hem , and speake to 'hem ? Mer. What else ? ha' you your false beard about you ? Traines . Tra. Yes . Mer. And is this one of your double Cloakes ? Tra. The best of 'hem . Mer. Be ready then . Sweet Pitfall !
Act. III. Scene . VI. Mere-craft , Pitfall , Pug , Traines . COme , I must busse � Pit. Away . Mer. I 'll set thee up againe ; Never feare that : canst thou get ne'r a bird ? No Thrushes hungry ? Stay till cold weather come , I 'll helpe thee to an Ousell , or a Field-fare . Who 's within with Madame ? Pit. I 'll tell you straight . Mer. Please you stay here a while Sir , I 'll goe in . Pug. I doe so long to have a little venery , While I am in this body ! I would taste Of every sinne , a little , if it might be After the manner of man ! Sweet heart ! Pit. What would you , Sir ? Pug. Nothing but fall in , to you , be your Blacke-bird , My pretty pit ( as the Gentleman said ) your Throstle : Lye tame , and taken with you ; here'i 's gold ! To buy you so much new stuffes from the shop , As I may take the old up � Tra. You must send , Sir , The Gentleman the ring . Pug. There 't is . Nay looke , Will you be foolish , Pit . Pit. This is strange rudenesse . Pug Deare Pit . Pit. I 'll call , I sweare . Mer. Where are you , Sir ? Is your ring ready ? Goe with me . Pug. I sent it you . Mer. Me ? When ? by whom ? Pug. A fellow here , e'en now , Came for it i' your name . Mer. I sent none , sure . My meaning ever was , you should deliver it , Your selfe : So was your Masters charge , you know . What fellow was it , doe you know him ? Pug. Here , But now , he had it . Mer. Saw you any ? Traines ? Tra. Not I . Pug. The gentleman saw him . Mer. Enquire . Pug. I was so earnest upon her , I mark'd not ! My divellish Chiefe has put me here in flesh , To shame me ! This dull body I am in , I perceive nothing with ! I offer at nothing , That will succeed ! Tra. Sir , she saw none , she saies . Pug. Satan himselfe , has tane a shape t' abuse me . It could not be else ! Mer. This is above strange ? That you should be so retchlesse . what 'll you do Sir ? How will you answer this , when you are question'd ? Pug. Run from my flesh , if I could : put off mankind ! This 's such a scorne ! and will be a new exercise , For my Arch-Duke ! Woe to the severall cudgells , Must suffer , on this backe ! Can you no suckers ? Sir ? Mer. Alas ! use of it is so present . Pug. I aske , Sir , credit for another , but till to morrow ? Mer. There is not so much time , Sir . But how ever , The Lady is a noble Lady , and will ( To save a Gentleman from check ) be intreated To say , she ha's receiv'd it . Pug. Do you thinke so ? Will she be won ? Mer. No doubt , to such an office , It will be a Lady's bravery , and her pride . Pug. And not be knowne on 't after , unto him ? Mer. That were a treachery ! Upon my word . Be confident . Returne unto your master , My Lady President sits this after-noone , Ha's tane the ring , commends her services Vnto your Lady-Dutchesse . You may say She 's a civell Lady , and do's give her All her respects , already : Bad you tell her She lives , but to receive her wish'd commandements , And have the honour here to kisse her hands : For which shee 'll stay this houre yet . Hasten you Your Prince , away . Pug. And Sir , you will take care Th' excuse be perfect ? Mer. You confesse your feares . Too much . Pug. The shame is more , I 'll quit you of either .
Act. VI. Scene . I. Taile � bush . Mere-craft , Manly . A pox upo ' referring to Commissioners , I 'had rather heare that it were past the seales : Your Courtiers move so Snaile-like i' your Businesse . Would I had not begun wi' you . Mer. Wee must move , Madame , in order , by degrees : not jump . Tai. Why , there was Sr. Iohn Monie-man could jump A Businesse quickely . Mer. True he had great friends , But because some , sweet Madame , can leape ditches , We must not all shunne to goe over bridges , The harder parts , I make account are done : Now 't is referr'd . You are infinitely bound Vnto the Ladies , they ha' so cri'd it up ! Tay. Doe they like it then ? Mer. They ha' sent the Spanish Lady To gratulate with you � Tay. I must send 'hem thankes And some remembrances . Mer. That you must , and visit 'hem . Where 's Ambler ? Tay. Lost to day , we cannot heare of him . Mer. Not madame ? Tay. No in good faith . They say he lay not At home to night , And here has fallen a Businesse Betweene your Cousin and Master Manly , has Vnquieted us all . Mer. So I heare , madame . Pray you how was it ? Tay. Troth , it but appeares Ill o' your Kinsmans part . You may have heard , That Manly is a sutor to me , I doubt not : Mer. I guess'd it , madame . Tay. And it seemes he trusted Your Cousin to let fall some faire reports Of him unto me . Mer. Which he did ! Tay. So farre From it , as he came in and tooke him rayling Against him . Mer. How ! And what said Manly to him ? Tay. Enough , I doe assure you : and with that scorne Of him , and the injury , as I doe wonder How Everill bore it ! But that guilt undoe's Many mens valors . Mer. Here comes Manly . Man . madame , I 'll take my leave � Tay. You sha'not goe , i'faith . I 'll ha' you stay and see this Spanish miracle , Of our English Lady . Man. Let me pray your Ladiship , Lay your commands on me some other time . Tay. Now , I protest : and I will have all piec'd , And friends againe . Man. It will be but ill soldered ! Tay. You are too much affected with it . Man. I cannot Madame , but thinke on 't for th' injustice . Tay. Sir , His Kinsman here is sorry . Not I Madame , I am no kin to him , we but call Cousins , And if we were , I have no relation Vnto his crimes . Man. You are not urged with 'hem . I can accuse Sir , none but mine owne judgement , For though it were his crime so to betray me : I am sure 't was more mine owne , at all to trust him . But he therein did use but his old manners , And favor strongly what he was before . Tay. Come , he will change ! Man. Faith , I must never thinke it . Nor were it reason in me to expect That for my sake , he should put off a nature He suck'd in with his milke . It may be Madame , Deceiving trust is all he has to trust to : If so , I shall be loath that any hope Of mine should bate him of his meanes . Tay. Yo' are sharpe Sir . This act may make him honest ! Man. If he were To be made honest , by an act of Parliament , I should not alter , i' my faith of him . Tay. Either-side ! Welcome , deare Either-side ! how hast thou done , good wench ? Thou hast beene a stranger ! I ha'not seene thee , this weeke .
Act. IIII. Scene . II. Either-side . To them EVer your servant , madame . Tay. Where hast'hou beene ? I did so long to see thee . Eit. Visiting , and so tir'd ! I protest , madame , 't is a monstrous trouble ! Tay. And so it is . I sweare I must to morrow , Begin my visits ( would they were over ) at Court . It tortures me , to thinke on 'hem . Eit. I doe heare You ha' cause , madame , your sute goes on . Tay. Who told thee ? Eit. One , that can tell : Mr. Either-side . Tay. O , thy husband ! Yes faith , their 's life in 't , now : It is referr'd . If we once see it under the seales , wench , then , Have with 'hem for the great Carroch , sixe horses , And the two Coach-men , with my Ambler , bare , And my three women : we will live , i'faith , The examples o' the towne , and governe it . I 'll leade the fashion still . Eit. You doe that , now , Sweet madame . Tay. O , but then , I 'll every day Bring up some new device . Thou and I , Either-side , Will first be in it , I will give it thee ; And they shall follow us . Thou shalt , I sweare , Weare every moneth a new gowne , out of it . Eit. Thanke you good madame . Tay. Pray thee call mee Taile-bush As I thee , Either-side ; I not love this , madame . Eit. Then I protest to you Taile bush , I am glad Your Businesse so succeeds . Tay. Thanke thee , good Either-side . Eit. But Mr. Either-side tells me , that he likes Your other Businesse better . Tay. Which ? Eit. O , the Toothpicks . Tay. I never heard on 't . Eit. Aske Mr. Mere-craft . Mer. Madame ? H 'is one , in a word , I 'll trust his malice , With any mans credit , I would have abus'd ! Man. Sir , if you thinke you doe please me , in this , You are deceiv'd ! Mer. No , but because my Lady , Nam'd him my kinsman , I would satisfie you , What I thinke of him : and pray you , upon it To judge mee ! Man. So I doe : that ill mens friendship , Is as unfaithfull , as themselves . Tay. Doe you heare ? Ha' you a Businesse about Tooth-picks ? Mer. Yes , madame . Did I ne'r tel lt you ? I ment to have offer'd it Your Lady-ship , on the perfecting the pattent . Tay. How is 't ! Mer. For serving the whole state with Tooth picks ; ( Somewhat in intricate Businesse to discourse ) but � I shew , how much the Subject is abus'd , First in that one commodity ? then what diseases , And putrefactions in the gummes are bred , By those are made ' of ' adultrate , and false wood ? My plot , for reformation of these , followes . To have all Tooth-picks , brought unto an office , There seal'd ; and such as counterfait 'hem , mulcted . And last , for venting 'hem to have a booke Printed , to teach their use , which every childe Shall have throughout the kingdome , that can read , And learne to picke his teeth by . Which beginning Early to practice , with some other rules , Of never sleeping with the mouth open , chawing Some graines of mastick , will preserve the breath Pure , and so free from taint � ha' what is 't ? sai'st thou ? Tay. Good faith , it sounds a very prety Bus'nesse ! Eit. So Mr. Either-side saies , madame . Mer. The Lady is come . Tay. Is she ? Good , waite upon her in . My Ambler Was never so ill absent . Either-side , How doe I looke to day ? Am I not drest , Spruntly ? Fit. Yes , verily , madame . Tay. Pox o' madame , Will you not leave that ? Eit. Yes good Tail-bush . Tay. So ? Sounds not that better ? What vile Fucus is this , Thou hast got on ? Eit. 'T is Pearle . Tay. Pearle ? oister-shells : As I breath , Either-side , I know 't . Here comes ( They say ) a wonder , sirrah , has beene in Spaine ! Wil teach us all ! shee 's sent to me , from Court . To gratulate with me ! Pr'y thee , let 's observe her , What faults she has , that wee may laugh at 'hem , When she is gone . Eit. That we will heartily , Tail bush . Tay. O , me ! the very Infanta of the Giants !
Act. IV. Scene . III . Mere-craft . Wittipol . to them MER. Here is a noble Lady , madame , come , From your great friends , at Court , to see your Ladi-ship : And have the honour of your acquaintance . Tay. Sir . She do's us honour . Wit. Pray you , say to her Ladiship , It is the manner of Spaine , to imbrace onely , Never to kisse . She will excuse the custome ! Tay. Your use of it is law . Please you , sweete madame , To take a seate . Wit. Yes , madame , I'have had The favour , through a world of faire report To know your vertues , madame , ; and in that Name have deserv'd the happinesse of presenting My service to your Ladiship ! Tay. Your love , madame , I must not owne it else . Wit. Both are due madame , To your great undertakings . Tay. Great ? In troth , madame , They are my friends , that thinke 'hem any thing : If I can doe my sexe ( by 'hem ) any service , I'have my ends , madame . Wit. And they are noble ones , That make a multitude beholden , madame : The common-wealth of Ladies , must acknowledge from you . Eit. Except some envious , madame . Wit. Yo' are right in that , madame , Of which race , I encountred some but lately . Who ( 't seemes ) have studied reasons to discredit Your businesse . Tay. How sweet madames ? Wit. Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause � Most ruinous things , madame , That have put off all hope of being recover'd To a degree of handsomenesse . Tay. But their reasons , madame ? I would faine heare . Wit. Some madame , I remember . They say , that painting quite destroyes the face � Eit. O , that 's an old one , madame . Wit. There are new ones , too . Corrupts the breath ; hath left so little sweetnesse In kissing , as 't is now us'd , but for fashion : And shortly will be taken for a punishment . Decaies the fore-teeth , that should guard the tongue ; And suffers that runne riot everlasting ! And ( which is worse ) some Ladies when they meete Cannot be merry , and laugh , but they doo spit In one anothers faces ! Man. I should know This voice , and face too : Wit. Then they say , 't is dangerous To all the falne , yet well dispos'd Mad-dames , That are industrious , and desire to earne Their living with their sweate ! For any distemper Of heate , and motion , may displace the colours ; And if the paint once runne about their faces , Twenty to one , they will appeare so ill-favour'd , Their servants run away , too , and leave the pleasure Imperfect , and the reckoning als' unpaid . Eit. Pox , these are Poets reasons . Tay. Some old Lady That keeps a Poet , has devis'd these scandals . Eit. Faith we must have the Poets banish'd , madame , As Master Either-side saies . Mer. Master Fitz-dottrell ? And his wife : where ? madame , the Duke of Droun'd-land , That will be shortly . Wit. Is this my Lord ? Mer. The same .
Act. IV. Scene . IV. Fitz-dottrell . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Pug. to them . YOur servant , madame ! Wit. How now ? Friend ? offended , That I have found your haunt here ? Man. No but wondring At your strange fashion'd venture , hither . Wit. It is To shew you what they are , you so pursue . Man. I thinke 't will prove a med'cine against marriage ; To know their manners . Wit. Stay , and profit then . Mer. The Lady , madame , whose Prince has brought her here , To be instructed . Wit. Please you sit with us Lady . Mer. That 's Lady-President . Fit. A goodly woman ! I cannot see the ring , though . Mer. Sir , she has it . Tay. But madame , these are very feeble reasons ! Wit. So I urg'd madame , that the new complexion , Now to come forth , in name o' your Ladishipes fucus , Had no ingredient � Tay. But I durst eate , I assure you . Wit. So doe they in Spaine . Tay. Sweet madame be so liberall , To give us some o' your Spanish Fucuses ! Wit. They are infinite madame . Tay. So I heare they have Water of Gourdes , of Radish , the white Beanes , Flowers of Glasse , of Thistles , Rose-marine . Raw Honey , Mustard-seed , and bread dough-bak'd , The crums o'bread , Goates milke , and whites of Egges , Campheere and Lilly-rootes , the fat of Swannes , Marrow of Veale , white Pidgeons , and pine-kernells , The seed of Nettles , perse'line , and hares gall . Limons , thine skind � Eit. How , her Ladiship has studied All excellent things ! Wit. But ordinary madame , No , the true rarities are th'Alvagada , And Argentata of Queene Isabella ! Tay. I , what are their ingredients , gentle madame ? Wit. Your Allum Scagliola , or Polidipedra ; And Zuccarino ; Turpentine of Abezzo , Wash'd in nine waters : Soda di gotta ; Grosia di serpe ; Porcelleto marino ; Oyles of Lentisco ; Zucchi Mugia ; make The admirable Vernish for the face , Gives the right luster ; but two drops rub'd on With a piece of scarlet , makes a Lady of sixty Looke at sixteene . But above all , the water Of the white Hen , of the Lady Estifanias ! Tay. O I , that same good madame , I have heard of : How is it done ? Wit. madame , you take your Hen , Plume it , and skin it , cleanse it o' the inwards : Then chop it , bones and all : adde to foure ounces Of Carrnuacins , Pipitas , Sope of Cyprus , Make the decoction , straine it . Then distill it , And keepe it in your galley-pot well glidder'd : Three droppes preserves from wrinkles , warts , spots , moles , blemish , or Sun-burnings , and keepes the skin In decimo sexto , ever bright , and smooth , As any looking-glasse ; and indeed is call'd The Virgins milke for the face , Oglioreale ; A Ceruse , neither cold or heat will hurt ; And mixt with oyle of myrrhe , and the red Gilli-flower Call'd Cataputia ; and flowers of Rovistico ; Makes the best muta , or die of the whole world . Tay. Deare madame , will you let us be familiar ? Wit. Your Ladiships servant . Mer. How doe you like her . Fit. Admirable ! But , yet , I cannot see the ring . Pug. Sir . Mer. I must Deliver it , or marre all . This foole 's so jealous . Madame � Sir , weare this ring , and pray you take knowledge , 'T was sent you by his wife . And give her thanks , Doe not you dwindle , Sir , beare up . Pug. I thanke you , Sir . Tay. But for the manner of Spaine ! Sweet , madame , let us Be bold , now we are in : Are all Ladies , There , i' the fashion ? Wit. None but Grandee's , madame . O' the clasp'd traine , which may be worne at length , too , Or thus , upon my arme . Tay. And doe they weare Cioppino's all ? Wit. If they be drest in punto , madame . Eit. Guilt as those are ? madame ? Wit. Of Goldsmiths work , madame ; And set with diamants : and their Spanish pumps Of perfum'd leather . Tay. I should thinke it hard To goe in 'hem , madame . Wit. At the first , it is , madame . Tai. Do you never fall in 'hem ? Wit. Never . Eit. I sweare , I should Six times an houre . Wit. But you have men at hand , still , To helpe you , if you fall ? Eit. Onely one , madame , The Guardo duennas , such alittle old man , As this . Eit. Alas ! he can doe nothing ! this ! Wit. I 'll tell you , madame , I saw i' the Court of Spaine once , A Lady fall i' the Kings sight , along . And there she lay , flat spred , as an Vmbrella , Her hoope here crack'd ; no man durst reach a hand To helpe her , till the Guarda duenn as came , Who is the person one l'allowed to touch A Lady there : and he but by this finger . Eit. Ha'they no servants , madame , there ? nor friends ? Wit. An Escudero , or so madame , that waits Vpon 'hem in another Coach , at distance , And when they walke , or dance , holds by a hand-kercher , Never presumes to touch 'hem . Eit. This 's scurvy ! And a forc'd gravity ! I doe not like it . I like our owne much better . Tay. 'T is more French , And Courtly ours . Eit. And tasts more liberty . We may have our doozen of visiters , at once , Make love t' us . Tay. And before our husbands ? Eit. Husband ? As I am honest , Tayle-bush I doe thinke If no body should love me , but my poore husband , I should e'n hang my selfe . Tay. Fortune forbid , wench : So faire a necke should have so foule a neck-lace , Eit. 'T is true , as I am handsome ! Wit. I receiv'd , Lady , A token from you , which I would not be Rude to refuse , being your first remembrance . ( Fit. O , I am satisfied now ! Mer. Do you see it , Sir . ) Wit. But since you come , to know me , neerer , Lady , I 'll begge the honour , you will weare it for me , It must be so . Mist. Fit. Surely I have heard this tongue . Mer. What doe you meane Sir ? Wit. Would you ha' me mercenary ? We 'll recompence it anon , in somwhat else . Fit. I doe not love to be gull'd , though in a toy . Wife , doe you heare ? yo' are come in the schoole , wife , Where you may learne , I doe perceive it , any thing ! How to be fine , or faire , or great , or proud , Or what you will , indeed , wife ; here 't is taught . And I am glad on 't , that you may not say , Another day , when honours come upon you , You wanted meanes . I ha' done my parts : beene , To day at fifty pound charge , first , for a ring , To get you entred . Then let my new Play , To wait upon you , here , to see 't confirm'd . That I may say , both to mine owne eyes , and eares , Senses , you are my witnesse , sha' hath injoy'd All helpes that could be had for love or money � Mrs. Fit. To make a foole of her . Fit. Wife , that 's your malice , The wickednesse o' your nature to interpret Your husbands kindnesse thus . But I 'll not leave ; Still to doe good for your deprav'd affections : Intend it . Bend this stubborne will ; be great . Tay. Good Madame , whom do they use in messages ? Wit. They commonly use their slaves Madam . Tai. And do's your Ladiship . Thinke that so good , Madame ? Wit. No indeed Madame ; I , Therein preferre the fashion of England farre , Of your young delicate Page , or discreet Vsher . Fit. And I goe with your Ladiship in opinion , Directly for your Gentleman-usher , There 's not a finer Officer goes on ground . Wit. If he be made and broken to his place once . Fit. Nay so I presuppose him . Wit. And they are fitter Managers too Sir , but I would have 'hem call'd Our Escudero's . Fit. Good . Wit. Say I should send To your Ladiship , who ( I presume ) has gather'd All the deare secrets to know how to make Pastillos of the Dutchesse of Braganza , Coquettas , Almoiavana's , Mantecada's , Alcoreas , Mustaccioli ; or say it were The Peladore of Isabella , or balls Against the itch , or aqua nanfa , or oyle Of Iessamine for gloves , of the Marquesse Muja ; Or for the head and haire : why , these are offices . Fit. Fit for a gentleman , not a slave . They onely Might aske for your pivety , Spanish-cole , To burne and sweeten a roome : but the Arcana Of Ladies Cabinets � Fit. Should be else-where trusted . Yo' are much about the truth . Sweet honoured Ladies , Let me fall in wi' you . I ha' my female wit , As well as my male . And I doe know what sutes A Lady of spirit , or a woman of fashion ! Wit. And you would have your wife such . Fit. Yes , madame , aërie , Light ; not to plaine dishonesty , I meane : But , somewhat o'th is side . Wit. I take you , Sir . H' has reason Ladies . I 'll not give this rush For any Lady , that cannot be honest Within a thred . Tay. Yes , madame , and yet venter As far for th' other , in her Fame � Wit. As can be ; Coach it to Pimlico ; dance the Saraband , Heare , and talke baudy ; laugh as loud , as a larum ; Squeake , spring , do any thing . Eit. In young company , madame . Tay. Or afore gallants . If they be brave , or Lords , A woman is ingag'd . Eit. I say so , Ladies , It is civility to deny us nothing . Pug. You talke of a Vniversity ! why , Hell is A Grammer-schoole to this ! Eit. But then , Shee must not lose a looke on stuffes , or cloth , madame . Tay. Nor no course fellow . Wit. She must be guided , madame By the clothes he weares , and company he is in ; Whom to salute , how farre � Fit. I ha' told her this . And how that baudery too , upo'the point , Is ( in it selfe ) as civell a discourse � Wit. As any other affaire of flesh , what ever . Fit. But shee will ne'r be capable , she is not So much as comming , madame ; I know not how Shee loses all her opportunities With hoping to be forc'd . I'have entertain'd A gentleman , a younger brother , here , Whom I would faine breed up , her Escudero , Against some expectation's that I have , And she 'll not countenance him . Wit. What 's his name ? Fit. Divell , o'Darby-shire . Eit. Blesse us from him ! Tay. Divell ? Call him De-vile , sweet madame . Mis Fit. What you please , Ladies . Tay. De-vile 's a prettier name ! Eit. And sounds , me thinks , As it came in with the Conquerour � Man. Over smocks ! What things they are ? That nature should be at leasure Ever to make 'hem ! my woing is at an end . Wit. What can he do ? Eit. Le ts heare him . Tay. Can he manage ? Fit. Please you to try him , Ladies . Stand forth , Divell . Pug. Was all this but the preface to my torment ? Fit. Come , let their Ladiship see your honours . Eit. O , He makes a wicked leg . Tay. As ever I saw ! Wit. Fit for a Divell . Tay. Good madame , call him De-vile . Wit. De-vile , what property is there most required I' your conceit , now , in the Escudero ? Fit. Why do you not speake ? Pug. A setled discreet pause , madame . Wit. I thinke , a barren head , Sir , Mountaine-like , To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers � Fit. I , for his Valley is beneath the waste , madame , And to be fruitfull there , it is sufficient . Dulnesse upon you ! Could not you hit this ? Pug. Good Sir � Wit. He then had had no barren head . You daw him too much , in troth , Sir . Fit. I must walke With the French sticke , like an old vierger , for you . Pug. O , Chiefe , call me to Hell againe , and free me . Fit. Do you murmur now ? Pug. Not I , Sir . Wit. What do you take Mr. Divele , the height of your imployment , In the true perfect Escudero ? Fit. When ? What doe you answer ? Pug. To be able , madame , First to enquire , then report the working , Of any Ladies physicke , in sweete phrase , Wit. Yes , that 's an act of elegance , and importance . But what above ? Fit. O , that I had a goad for him . Pug. To finde out a good Corne-cutter . Tay. Out on him ! Eit. Most barbarous ! Fit. Why did you doe this , now ? Of purpose to discredite me ? you damn'd Divell . Pug. Sure , if I be not yet , I shall be . All My daies in Hell , were holy-daies to this ! Tay. 'T is labour lost , madame ? Eit. H 'is a dull fellow Of no capacity ! Tay. Of no discourse ! O , if my Ambler had beene here ! Eit. I , madame ; You talke of a man , where is there such another ? Wit. Mr. Devile , put case , one of my Ladies , heere , Had a fine brach : and would imploy you forth To treate 'bout a convenient match for her . What would you observe ? Pug. The color , and the size , madame . Wit. And nothing else ? Fit. The Moon , you calfe , the Moone ! Wit. I , and the Signe . Tay. Yes , and receits for pronenesse . Wit. Then when the Puppies came , what would you doe ? Pug. Get their nativities cast ! Wit. This 's well . What more ? Pug. Consult the Almanack-man which would be least ? Which cleaneliest ? Wit. And which silentest ? This 's well , madame ? Wit. And while she were with puppy ? Pug. Walke her out , And aire her every morning ! Wit. Very good ! And be industrious to kill her fleas ? Pug. Yes ! Wit. He will make a pretty proficient . Pug. Who , Comming from Hell , could look for such Catechising ? The Divell is an Asse . I doe acknowledge it . Fit. The top of woman ! All her sex in abstract ! I love her , to each syllable , falls from her . Tay. Good madame give me leave to goe aside with him ! And try him a little ! Wit. Do , and I 'll with-draw , madame , With this faire Lady : read to her the while . Tay. Come , Sir . Pug. Deare Chiefe , relieve me , or I perish . Wit. Lady , we 'll follow . You are not jealous Sir ? Fit. O , madame ! you shall see . Stay wife , behold , I give her up heere , absolvtely , to you , She is your owne . Doe with her what yo will ! Melt , cast , and forme her as you shall thinke good ! Set any stamp on ! I 'll receive her from you As a new thing , by your owne standard ! Wit. Well , Sir !
Act. IV. Scene . III . Mere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Pit-fall Ever-ill . Plutarchus . BUt what ha' you done i' your Dependance , since ? Fit. O , it goes on , I met your Cousin , the Master � Mer. You did not acquaint him , Sir ? Fit. Faith , but I did , Sir . And upon better thought , not without reason ! He being chiefe Officer , might ha' taine it ill , else , As a Contempt against his Place , and that In time Sir , ha' drawne on another Dependance . No , I did finde him in good termes , and ready To doe me any service . Mer. So he said to you ? But Sir , you doe not know him . Fit. Why , I presum'd Because this bus'nesse of my wives , requir'd me , I could not ha' done better : And he told Me , that he would goe presently to your Councell , A Knight , here , i' the Lane � Mer. Yes , Iustice Either-side . Fit. And get the Feoffment drawne , with a letter of Atturney . For livery and seisen ! Mer. That I knowe's the course . But , Sir , you meane not to make him Feoffee ? Fit. Nay , that I 'll pause on ! Mer. How now little Pit-fall ? Pit. Your Cousin Mr. Ever-ill , would come in � But he would know if Master Manly were here . Mer. No , tell him , if he were , I ha' made his peace ! Hee 's one , Sir , has no state , and a man knowes not , How such a trust may tempt him . Fit: I conceive you . Eve. Sir , this same deed is done here . Mer. Pretty Plutarchus ? Art thou come with it ? and has Sir Paul view'd it ? Plu. His hand is to the draught . Mer. Will you step in , Sir , And reade it ? Fit. Yes . Eve. I pray you a word wi' you , Sir Paul Either-side will'd me give you caution Whom you did make Feoffee : for 't is the trust O' your whole State : and though my Cousin heere Be a worthy Gentleman , yet his valour has At the tall board bin question'd ; and we hold Any man so impeach'd of doubtfull honesty ! I will not justifie this ; but give it you To make your profit of it : if you utter it , I can forswere it ! Fit. I beleeve you , and thanke you , Sir .
Act. IV. Scene . VI. Wittipol . Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Manly . Mere-craft . BE not afraid , sweet Lady : yo' are trusted To love , not violence here ; I am no ravisher , But one , whome you , by your faire trust againe , May of a servant make a most true friend . Mis. Fit. And such a one I need , but not this way : Sir , I confesse me to you , the meere manner Of your attempting me , this morning tooke mee , And I did hold m' invention , and my manners , Were both engag'd , to give it a requitall ; But not unto your ends : my hope was then , ( Though interrupted , ere it could be utter'd ) That whom I found the Master of such language , That braine and spirit , for such an enterprise , Could not but if those succours were demanded To a right use , employ them vertuously ! And make that profit of his noble parts , Which they would yeeld . Sir , you have now the ground , To exercise them in : I am a woman , That cannot speake more wretchednesse of my selfe , Then you can read ; march'd to a masse of folly ; That every day makes haste to his owne ruine ; The wealthy portion , that I brought him , spent ; And ( through my friends neglect ) no joynture made me . My fortunes standing in this precipice , 'T is Counsell that I want , and honest aides : And in this name , I need you , for a friend ! Never in any other ; for his ill , Must not make me , Sir , worse . Man. O friend ! forsake not The brave occasion , vertue offers you , To keepe you innocent : I have fear'd for both ; And watch'd you to prevent the ill I fear'd . But since the weaker side hath so assur'd me , Let not the stronger fall by his owne vice , Or be the lesse a friend , cause vertue needs him . Wit. Vertue shall never aske my succours twice ; Most friend , most man ; your Counsells are commands : Lady , I can love goodnesse in you , more Then I did Beauty ; and doe here intitle Your vertue to the power , upon a life You shall engage in any faithfull service , Even to forfeit . Mer. Madame : Do you heare , Sir , We have another leg-strain'd , for this Dottrel . He'ha's a quarrell to carry , and ha's caus'd A deed of Feoffment , of his whole estate To be drawne yonder ; ha'st within : And you , Only , he meanes to make Feoffee . H 'is falne So desperatly enamour'd on you , and talkes Most like a mad-man : you did never heare A Phrentick , so in love with his owne favour ! Now , you doe know , 't is of no validity In your name , as you stand ; Therefore advise him To put in me . ( h 'is come here : ) You shall share Sir .
Act. IV. Scene . VII. Wittipoll . Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Manly . Meere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ever-ill . Plutarchus . FIT. Madame , I have a sute to you ; and a fore-hand , I doe bespeake you ; you must not deny me , I will be graunted . Wit. Sir , I must know it , though . Fit. No Lady ; you must not know it : yet , you must too . For the trust of it , and the fame indeed , Which else were lost me . I would use your name , But in a Feoffment : make my whole estate Over unto you : a trifle a thing of nothing , Some eighteene hundred . Wit. Alas ! I understand not Those things Sir . I am a woman , and most loath , To embarque my selfe � Fit. You will not slight me , madame ? Wit. Nor you 'll not quarrell me ? Fit. No , sweet madame , I have Already a dependance ; for which cause I doe this : let me put you in , deare madame , I may be fairely kill'd . Wit. You have your friends , Sir , About you here , for choice . Eve. She tells you right , Sir . Fit. Death , if she doe , what doe I care for that ? Say , I would have her tell me wrong . Wit. Why , Sir , If for the trust , you 'll let me have the honor To name you one . Fit. Nay , you doe me honor , madame : Who is 't ? Wit. This Gentleman . Fit. O , no , sweet madame , H 'is friend to him , with whom I ha' the dependance . Wit. O , might he be ? Fit. One Wittipol : do you know him ? Wit. Alas Sir , he , a toy : This Gentleman A friend to him , no more then I am Sir ! Fit. But will your Ladiship undertake that , madame ? Wit. Yes , and what else , for him , you will engage me . Fit. What is his name ? Wit. His name is Eustace Manly . Fit. Whence do's he write himselfe ? Wit. Of Middle-sex , Esquire . Fit. Say nothing , madame . Clerke , come hether , Write Eustace Manly , Squire o' Middle-sex . Mer. What ha' you done , Sir ? Wit. Nam'd a gentleman , That I 'll be answerable for , to you , Sir . Had I nam'd you , it might ha' beene suspected : This way , 't is safe . Fit. Come Gentlemen , your hands , For witnes . Man. What is this ? Eve. You ha' made Election Of a most worthy Gentleman ! Man. Would one of worth Had spoke it : whence it comes , it is Rather a shame to me , then a praise . Eve. Sir , I will give you any Satisfaction . Man. Be silent then : " falshood commends not truth . Plu. You do deliver this , Sir , as your deed , To th' use of Mr. Manly ? Fit. Yes : and Sir � When did you see yong Wittipol ? I am ready , For processe now ; Sir , this is Publication . He shall heare from me , he would needs be courting My Wife , Sir . Man. Yes : So witnesseth his Cloake there . Fit. Nay good Sir , � Madame , you did undertake � What. What ? Fit. That he was not Wittipols friend . Wit. I heare Sir , no confession of it . Fit. O she knows not ; Now I remember , madame ! This young Wittipol , Would ha' debauch'd my wife , and made me Cuckold , Through a casement ; he did fly her home To mine owne window : but I thinke I sou't him , And ravish'd her away , out of his pownces . I ha' sworne to ha' him by the eares : I fear The toy , wi' not do me right . Wit. No ? that were pitty ! What right doe you aske , Sir ? Here he is will do 't you ? Fit. Ha ? Wittipol ? Wit. I Sir , no more Lady now , Nor Spaniard ! Man. No indeed , 't is Wittipol . Fit. Am I the thing I feard'd ? Wit. A Cuckold ? No Sir , But you were late in possibility , I 'll tell you so much . Man. But your wife 's too vertuous ! Wit. Wee 'll see her Sir , at home , and leave you here , To be made Duke o'Shore-ditch with a project . Fit. Theeves , ravishers . Wit. Crie but another note , Sir , I 'll marre the tune , o' your pipe ! Fit. Gi' me my deed , then . Wit. Neither : that shall be kept for your wives goood , Who will know , better how to use it . Fit. Ha' To feast with my land ? Wit. Sir , be you quiet , Or I shall gag you , ere I goe , consult You Master of dependances ; how to make this A second businesse , you have time Sir . Fit. Oh! What will the ghost of my wise Grandfather , My learned Father , with my worshipfull Mother Thinke of me now , that left me in this world In state to be their Heire ? that am become A Cuckold , and an Asse , and my wives Ward ; Likely to lose my land ; ha' my throat cut : All , by her practice ! Mer. Sir , we are all abus'd ! Fit. And be so still ! Who hinders you , I pray you , Let me alone , I would injoy my selfe , And be the Duke o' Dround'd-Land , you ha' made me . Mer. Sir , we must play an after-game o' this Fit. But I am not in case to be a Gam-ster : I tell you once againe � Mer. You must be rul'd And take some counsell . Fit. Sir , I doe hate counsell , As I doe hate my wife , my wicked wife ! Mer. But we may thinke how to recover all : If you will act . Fit. I will not think ; nor act ; Nor yet recover ; do not talke to me ? I 'll runne out o' my witts , rather then heare ; I will be what I am , Fabian Fitz dottrel , Though all the world say nay to 't . Mer. Let 's follow him .
Act. V. Scene . I. Ambler . Pitfall , Mere-craft , BUt ha's my Lady mist me ? Pit. Beyond telling ! Here has been that infinity of strangers ! And then she would ha 'had you , to ha' sampled you With , one within , that they are now a teaching ; And do's pretend to your ranck . Amb. Good fellow Pit-fall Tel Mr. Meer-craft , I intreat a word with him . This most unlucky accident will goe neare To be the losse o' my place ; I am in doubt ! Mer. With me ? what say you Mr. Ambler ? Amb. Sir , I would beseech your worship stand betwene Me , and my Ladies displeasure , for my absence . Mer. O , is this all ? I warrant you . Amb. I would tell you Sir But how it happnened . Mer. Briefe , good Mr. Ambler , Put your selfe to your rack : for I have a tasque Of more importance . Amb. Sir you 'll laugh at me ! But ( so is Truth ) a verie friend of mine , Finding by conference with me , that I liv'd Too chast for my complexion ( and indeed Too honest for my place , Sir ) did advise me If I did love my selfe ( as that I do , I must confesse ) Mer. Spare your Parenthesis , Amb. To gi' my body a little evacuation � Mer. Well , and you went to a whore ? Amb. No , Sir . I durst not ( For feare it might arive at some body's eare , It should not ) trust my selfe to a common house ; But got the Gentlewoman to goe with me , And carry her bedding to a Conduit-head , Hard by the place toward Tiburne , which they call My L. Majors Banqueting-house . Now , Sir , This morning Was Execution ; and I ne'e dream't on 't , Till I heard the noise o' the people , and the horses ; And neither I , nor the poore Gentlewoman Durst stirre , till all was done and past : so that I' the Interim , we fell a sleepe againe . Mer. Nay , if you fall , from your gallop , I am gone Sir . Amb. But when I wak'd , to put on my cloathes , a sute , I made new for the action , it was gone , And all my mony , with my purse , and seales , My hard-wax , and my table-books , my studies , And a fine new devise , I had to carry My pen , and inke , my civet , and my tooth-picks , All under one . But , that which greiv'd me , was The Gentlewomans shoes ( with a paire of roses , And garters , I had given her for the businesse ) So as that made us stay , till it was darke . For I was faine to lend her mine , and walke In a rug , by her , bare foot , to Saint Giles'es . Mer. A kind of Irish penance ! Is this all , Sir ? Amb. To satisfie my Lady . Mer. I will promise you , Sir . Amb. I ha' told the true Disaster . Mer. I cannot stay wi' you Sir , to condole ; but gratulate your returne . Amb. An honest gentleman , but he 's never at leisure To be himselfe : He ha's such tides of businesse .
Act. V. Scene . II. Pug. Ambler . O , Call me home againe , deare Chiefe , and put me To yoaking foxes , milking of Hee-goates , Pounding of water in a morter , laving The sea dry with a nut-shell , gathering all The leaves are falne this Autumne , drawing farts Out of dead bodies , making ropes of sand , Catching the windes together in a net , Mustring of ants , and numbring atomes ; all That hell , and you thought exquisite torments , rather Then stay me here , a thought more : I would sooner Keepe fleas within a circle , and be accomptant A thousand yeere , which of 'hem and how far Out leap'd the other , then endure a minute Such as I have within . There is no hell To a Lady of fashion . All your tortures there Are pastimes to it . 'T would be a refreshing For me , to be i' the fire againe , from hence . Amb. This is my suite , and those the shoes and roses ! Pug. Th'have such impertinent vexations , A generall Councell o' divels could not hit � Ha! This is he I tooke a sleepe with his Wench , And borrowed his cloathes . What might I doe to balke him ? Amb. Do you heare , Sir ? Pug. Answer but not to th' purpose . Amb. What is your name , I pray you Sir . Pug. Is 't so late Sir ? Amb. I aske not o' the time , but of your name , Sir . Pug. I thanke you , Sir . Yes it dos hold Sir , certaine . Amb. Hold , Sir ? What holds ? I must both hold , and talke to you About these clothes . Pug. A very pritty lace ! But the Taylor cossend me . Amb. No , I am cossend By you ! robb'd . Pug. Why , when you please Sir , I am For three peny Gleeke , your man . Amb. Pox o' your gleeke , And three pence . Give me an answere . Pug. Sir , My master is the best at it . Amb. Your master ! Who is your Master . Pug. Let it be friday night . Amb. What should be then ? Pug. Your best songs Tom o' Bet'lem Amb. I thinke , you are he . Do's he mocke me trow , from purpose ? Or doe not I speake to him , what I meane ? Good Sir your name . Pug. Only a couple a'Cocks Sir , If we can get a Widgin , 't is in season . Amb. He hopes to make one o'these Scipticks o' me ( I thinke I name 'him right ) and do's not flie me . I wonder at that ! 't is a strange confidence ! I 'll proove another way , to draw his answer .
Act. V. Scene . III . Mere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Everill . Pug. IT is the easiest thing Sir , to be done . As plaine , as fizzling : roule but wi'your eies , And foame at th' mouth . A little castle-soape Will do 't , to rub your lips : And then a nutshell , With toe , and touch-wood in it to spit fire , Did you ner'e read , Sir , little Darrels tricks , With the boy o' Burton , and the 7 in Lancashire , Summers at Nottingham ? All these do teach it . And wee 'll give out , Sir , that your wife ha's bewitch'd you : Eve. And practised with those two , as Sorcerers . Mer. And ga' you potions , by which means you were Not Compos mentis , when you made your feoffment . There 's no recovery o' your estate , but this : This , Sir , will sting . Eve. And move in a court of equity . Mer. For it is more then manifest , that this was A plot o' your wives , to get your land . Fit. I thinke it . Eve. Sir it appeares . Mer. Nay and my cossen has knowne These gallants in these shapes . Eve. T' have done strange things , Sir . One as the Lady , the other as the Squire . Mer. How , a mans honesty may be fool'd ! I thought him A very Lady . Fit. So do I : renounce me else . Mer. But this way , Sir you 'll be reveng'd at height . Eve. Upon 'hem all . Mer. Yes faith , and since your Wife Has runne the way of woman thus , e'en give her � Fit. Lost by this hand , to me ; dead to all ioyes Of her deare Dottrell , I shall never pitty her : That could , pitty her selfe . Mer. Princly resolv'd Sir , And like your selfe still , in Potentiâ .
Act. V. Scene . IV. Mere-craft , &c. to them . Gvilt-head . Sledge . Plutarchus . Serjants . GVilt-head what newes ? Fit. O Sir , my hundred peices : Let me ha 'them yet . Gui. Yes Sir , officers Arrest him . Fit. Me ? Ser. I arrest you . Sle. Keepe the peace , I charge you gentlemen . Fit. Arrest me ? Why ? Gui. For better security , Sir . My sonne Plutarchus Assures me , y' are not worth a groat . Plu. Pardon me , Father , I said his worship had no foot of Land left : And that I 'll justifie , for I writ the deed . Fit. Ha' you these tricks i' the citty ? Gui. Yes , and more . Arrest this gallant too , here , at my sute . Sle. I , and at mine . He owes me for his lodging Two yeere and a quarter . Mer. Why M. Guilt-head , Land-Lord , Thou art not mad , though th' art Constable Puft up with the pride of the place ? Doe you heare , Sirs . Have I deserv'd this from you two ? for all My paines at Court , to get you each a patent . Gui. For what ? Mer. Upo' my project o' the forkes . Sle. Forkes ? what be they ? Mer. The laudable use of forkes , Brought into custome here , as they are in Italy , To th' sparing o'Napkins . That , that should have made Your bellowes goe at the forge , as his at the furnace . I ha' procured it , ha' the Signet for it , Dealt with the Linnen-drapers , on my private , By cause , I fear'd , they were the likeliest ever To stirre against , to crosse it : for 't will be A mighty saver of Linnen through the Kingdome ( As that is one o' my grounds , and so spare washing ) Now , on you two , had I laid all the profits . Guilt-head to have the making of all those Of gould and silver , for the better personages ; And you of those of Steele for the common sort . And both by Pattent , I had brought you your seales in . But now you have prevented me , and I thanke you . Sle. Sir , I will baile you , at my owne ap-perill . Mer. Nay choose . Plu. Do you so too , good Father . Gui. I like the fashin o' the project , well , The forkes ! It may be a lucky one ! and is not Intricate , as one would say , but fit for Plaine heads , as ours , to deale in . Do you heare . Officers , we discharge you . Mer. Why this shewes A little good nature in you , I confesse , But doe not tempt your friends thus . Little Guilt-head , Advise your fire , great Guilt-head from these courses : And , here , to trouble a great man in reversion , For a matter o'fifty on a false Alarme , Away , it shewes not well . Let him get the pieces And bring 'hem . Yo 'll heare more else . Plu. Father .
Act. V. Scene . V. Ambler . To them . O Master Sledge , are you here ? I ha' been to seeke you . You are the Constable , they say . Here 's one That I do charge with Felony , for the suite He weares , Sir . Mer. Who ? M. Fitz-dottrels man ? Ware what you do , M. Ambler . Amb. Sir , these clothes I 'll sweare , are mine : and the shooes the gentlewomans I told you of : and ha 'him afore a Iustice , I will . Pug. My master , Sir , will passe his word for me . Amb. O , can you speake to purpose now ? Fit. Not I , If you be such a one Sir , I will leave you To your God-fathers in Law . Let twelve men worke . Pug. Do you heare Sir , pray , in private . Fit. Well , what say you ? Briefe , for I have no time to loose . Pug. Truth is , Sir , I am the very Divell , and had leave To take this body , I am in , to serve you : Which was a Cutpurses , and hang'd this Morning . And it is likewise true , I stole this suite To cloth me with . But Sir let me not goe To prison for it . I have hitherto Lost time , done nothing ; showne , indeed , no part . O' my Divels nature . Now , I will so helpe Your malice , 'gainst these parties : so advance The businesse , that you have in hand of witchcraft , And your possession , as my selfe were in you . Teach you such tricks , to make your belly swell , And your eyes turne , to foame , to stare , to gnash Your teeth together , and to beat your selfe , Laugh loud , and faine six voices � Fit. Out you Rogue ! You most infernall counterfeit wretch ! Avant ! Do you thinke to gull me with your AEsops Fables ? Here take him to you , I ha' no part in him . Pug. Sir . Fit. Away , I do disclaime , I will not heare you . Mer. What said he to you , Sir ? Fit. Like a lying raskall Told me he was the Divell . Mer. How ! a good jest ! Fit. And that he would teach me , such fine divels tricks For our new resolution . Eve. O'pox on him , 'T was excellent wisely done , Sir , not to trust him . Mer. Why , if he were the Divell , we sha'not need him , If you 'll be rul'd . Goe throw your selfe on a bed , Sir , And faine you ill . Wee 'll not be seen wi' you , Till after , that you have a fit : and all Confirm'd within . Keepe you with the two Ladies And perswade them . I 'll to Iustice Either-side , And possesse him with all . Traines shall seeke out Ingine , And they to fill the towne with 't , every cable It is to be veer'd . We must imploy out all Our emissaries now ; Sir , I will send you Bladders and Bellowes . Sir , be confident , 'T is no hard thing t' outdoe the Divell in : A Boy o'thirteen yeere old made him an Asse But t'toher day . Fit. Well , I 'll beginne to practice , And scape the imputation of being Cuckold , By mine owne act . Mer. Yo' are right . Eve. Come , you ha' put Your selfe to a simple coile here , and your freinds , By dealing with new Agents , in new plots . Mer. No more o'th at , sweet cousin . Eve. What had you To doe with this same Wittipol , for a Lady ? Mer. Question not that : 't is done . Eve. You had some straine 'Bove E-la ? Mer. I had indeed . Eve. And , now , you crack for t . Mer. Do not upbraid me . Eve. Come , you must be told on 't ; You are so covetous , still , to imbrace More then you can , that you loose all . Mer. 'T is right . What would you more , then Guilty ? Now , your succours .
Act. V. Scene . VI. Shakles . Pug. Iniquity . Divell . HEre you are lodg'd , Sir , you must send your garnish , If you 'll be privat . Pug. There it is , Sir , leave me . To New-Gate , brought ? How is the name of Divell Discredited in me ! What a lost fiend Shall I be , on returne ? My Chiefe will roare In triumph , now , that I have beene on earth , A day , and done no noted thing , but brought That body back here , was hang'd out this morning . Well! would it once were midnight , that I knew My utmost . I thinke Time be drunke , and sleepes : He is so still , and moves not ! I do glory Now i' my torment . Neither can I expect it , I have it with my fact . Ini. Child of hell , be thou merry : Put a looke on , as round , boy , and red as a cherry . Cast care at thy posternes ; and firke in thy fetters , They are ornaments , Baby , have graced thy betters : Looke upon me , and hearken . Our Chiefe doth salute thee , And least the could yron should chance to confuse thee , H' hath sent thee , grant-paroll by me to stay longer A moneth here on earth , against cold Child , or honger Pug. How ? longer here a moneth ? Ini. Yes , boy , till the Session , That so thou maiest have a triumphall egression . Pug. In a cart , to be hang'd . Ini. No , Child , in a Carte , The charriot of Triumph , which most of them are . And in the meane time , to be greazy , and bouzy , And nasty , and filthy , and ragged and louzy , With dam'n me , renounce me , and all the fine phrases ; That bring , unto Tiborne , the plentifull gazes . Pug. He is a Divell ! and may be our Chiefe ! The great superior Divell ! for his malice : Arch-divel ! I acknowledge him . He knew What I would suffer , when he tie'd me up thus In a rogues body : and he has ( I thanke him ) His tirannous pleasure on me , to confine me To the unlucky carcasse of a Cutpurse Wherin I could do nothing . Div. Impudent fiend , Stop thy lewd mouth . Doest thou not shame and tremble To lay thine owne dull damn'd defects upon An innocent case , there ? Why thou heavy slave ! The spirit , that did possesse that flesh before Put more true life , in a finger , and a thumbe . Then thou in the whole Masse . Yet thou rebell'st And murmurst ? What one proffer hast thou made , Wicked inough , this day , that might be call'd Worthy thine owne , much lesse the name that sent thee ? First , thou did'st helpe thy selfe into a beating Promptly , and with 't endangerdd'st too thy tongue : A Divell , and could not keepe a body intire One day ! That , for our credit . And to vindicate it , Hinderd'st ( for ought thou know'st ) a deed of darknesse : Which was an act of that egregious folly , As no one , to'ard the Divell , could ha' thought on . This for your acting ! but for suffering ! why Thou hast beene cheated on , with a false beard , And a turn'd cloake . Faith would your predecessour The Cutpurse , thinke you , ha' been so ? Out upon thee , The hurt th' hast don , to let men know their strength , And that they are able to out-doe a divel Put in a body , will for ever be A scarre upon our Name ! whom hast thou dealt with , Woman or man , this day , but have out-gone thee Some way , and most have prov'd the better fiends ? Yet , you would be imploy'd ? Yes , hell shall make you Provinciall o' the heaters ! or Baud-ledger , For this side o' the towne ! No doubt you 'll render A rare account of things . Bane o' your itch , And scratching for imployment . I 'll ha' brimstone To allay it sure , and fire to singe your nailes off , But , that I would not such a damn'd dishonor Sticke on our state , as that the divell were hang'd ; And could not save a body , that he tooke From Tiborne , but it must come thither againe : You should e'en ride . But up away with him � Ini. Mount , dearling of darknesse , my shoulders are broad : He that caries the fiend , is sure of his loade . The Divell was wont to carry away the evill ; But , now , the Evill out-carries the Divell .
Act. V. Scene . VII. Shackles . keeper . O mee ! Kee. 1. What 's this ? 2. A peece of Iustice Hall Is broken downe . 3. Fough ! what a steeme of brimstone Is here ? 4. The prisoner 's dead , came in but now ! Sha. Ha ? where ? 4. Look here . Kee. S'lid I should know his countenance ! It is Gil-Cut-purse , was hang'd out , this morning ! Sha. 'T is he ! 2. The Divell , sure , has a hand in this ! 3. What shall we doe ? Sha. Carry the newes of it Unto the Sherifes . 1. And to the Iustices . 4. This strange ! 3. And savours of the Divell , strongly ! 2. I' ha' the sulphure of Hell-coale i' my nose . 1. Fough . Sha. Carry him in . 1. Away . 2. How ranke it is !
Act. V. Scene . VIII. Sir Poule . Meere-craft . Ever-ill . Traines . Pitfall . Fitz-dottrell . to them . Wittipoll . Manly . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . to them Guilt-head . Sledge . to them . Shackles . THis was the notablest Conspiracy , That ere I heard of . Mer. Sir , they had giv'n him potions , That did enamour him on the counterfeit Lady � Eve .. Iust to the time o'delivery o' the deed � Mer. And then the witchcraft ' gan t' appeare , for straight He fell into his fit . Eve. Of rage at first , Sir , Which since has so increased . Tay. Good Sir Poule , see him , And punish the impostors . Pou. Therefore I come , madame . Eit. Let M. Eitherside alone , madame . Pou. Do you heare ? Call in the Constable , I will have him by : H 'is the Kings Officer ! and some Cittizens , Of creadit ! I 'll discharge my conscience clearly . Mer. Yes , Sir , and send for his wife . Eve. And the two Sorcerers , By any meanes ! Tay. I thought one a true Lady , I should be sworne . So did you , Either-side ? Eit. Yes , by that light , would I might ne'r stir else , Tailbush . Tay. And the other a civill Gentleman . Eve. But , madam , You know what I tould your Ladiship . Tay. I now see it : I was providing of a banquet for 'hem After I had done instructing o' the fellow De-vile , the Gentlemans man . Mer. Who 's found a thiefe , madam . And to have rob'd your Usher , Master Ambler This morning . Tay. How ? Mer. I le tell you more , anon . Fit. Gi' me some garlicke , garlicke , garlicke , garlicke . Mer. Harke the poore Gentleman , how he is tormented ! Fit. My wife is a whore , I 'll kisse her no more : and why ? Ma'st not thou be a Cuckold as well as I ? Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , &c. Pou. That is the Divell speakes , and laughes in him . Mer. Do you think so Sir . Pou. I discharge my conscience . Fit. And is not the Divell good company ? Yes , wis . Eve. How he changes , Sir , his voice ! Fit. And a Cuckold is Where ere hee put his head , with a Wanion , If his hornes be forth , the Divells companion ! Looke , looke , looke , else . Mer. How he fomes ! Eve. And swells ! Tay. O , me ! what 's that there , rises in his belly ! Eit. A strange thing ! hold it downe : Tra. Pit. We cannot , madame . Pou. 'T is too apparent this ! Fit. Wittipol , Wittipol . Wit. How now , what play ha' we here . Man. What fine new , matters ? Wit. The Cockscombe , and the Coverlet . Mer. O strange impudence ! That these should come to face their sinne ! Eve. And out-face Iustice , they are the parties , Sir . Pou. Say nothing . Mer. Did you marke , Sir , upon their comming in , How he call'd Wittipol . Eve. And never saw 'hem . Pou. I warrant you did I , let 'hem play a while . Fit. Buz , buz , buz , buz . Tay Lasse poore Gentleman ! How he is tortur'd ! Mis. Fit Fie , Master Fitz-dottrel ! What doe yo meane to counterfait thus ? Fit. O , ô , Shee comes with a needle , and thrusts it in , She pulls out that , and shee puts in a pinne , And now , and now , I doe not know how , nor where , But shee pricks mee heere , and shee pricks me there : ôh , ôh , Pou. Woman forbeare . Wit. What , Sir ? Pou. A practice foule For one so faire : Wit. Hath this , then , credit with you ? Man. Do you believe in 't ? Pou. Gentlemen , I 'll discharge My conscience : 'T is a cleare conspiracy ! A darke and divellish practice ! I detest it ! Wit. The Iustice sure will prove to be the merrier ! Man. This is most strange , Sir . Pou. Come not to confront Authority with insolence : I tell you , I doe detest it . Here comes the Kings Constable , And with him a right worshipfull Commoner ; My good friend , Master Guilt-head ! I am glad I can before such witnesses , professe My conscience , and my detestation of it . Horrible ! most unaturall ! Abominable ! Eve. You doe not rumble enough . Mer. Wallow , gnash : Tay. O , how he is vexed ! Pou. 'T is too manifest . Eve. Give him more sope to foame with , now lie still . Mer. And act a little . Tay. What do's he now , Sir . Pou. Shew The taking of Tobacco , with which the Divell Is so delighted . Fit. Hum ! Pov. And calls for Hum . You takers of Waters and Tobacco , Marke this . Fit. Yellow , yellow , yellow , yellow , &c. Pou. That 's Starch ! the Divells Idoll of that colour . He ratifies it , clapping of his hands . The proofes are pregnant . Gui. How the Divel can act ! Pou. He is the Master of Players ? Master Guilt-head , And Poets , too ! you heard him talke in rime ! I had forgot to observe it to you , ere while ! Tay. See , he spits fire . Pou. O no , he plaies at Figgum , The Divell is the Author of wicked Figgum � Man. Why speake you not unto him ? Wit. If I had All innocence of man to be indanger'd And he could save , or ruine it : I 'ld not breath A syllable in request , to such a fellow , I 'd rather fall . Fit. ô they whisper , they whisper , whisper , &c. We shall have more , of Divells a score , To come to dinner , in me the sinner . Eyt. Alas , poore Gentleman ! Pou. Put 'hem asunder . Keepe 'hem one from the other . Man. Are you phrenticke , Sir , Or what grave dotage moves you , to take part With so much villany ? we are not afraid Either of law , or tryall ; let us be Examin'd what our ends were , what the meanes , To worke by ; and possibility of those meanes . Doe not conclude against us , ere you heare us . Pou. I will not heare you , yet I will conclude Out of the circumstances . Man. Will you so , Sir ? Pou. Yes they are palpable : Man. Not as your folly : Pou. I will discharge my conscience , and doe all To the Meridian of Iustice . Gui. You doe well , Sir : Fit. Provide me to eate , three or foure dishes o'good meat , I 'll feast them , and their traines , a Iustice head and braines Shall be the first . Pou. The Divell loves not Iustice , There you may see . Fit. A spare-rib o' my wife , And a whores purt'nance ! a Guilt-head whole . Pou. Be not you troubled , Sir , the Divell speakes it . Fit. Yes , wis , Knight , shite , Poule , Ioule , owle , foule , troule , boule . Pou. Crambe , another of the Divell's games ! Mer. Speake , Sir , some Greeke , if you can . Is not the Iustice A solemne gamester ? Eve. Peace . Fit. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . Pou. Hee curses In Greeke , I thinke . Eve. Your Spanish , that I taught you . Fit. Qu brémosel ojo de burlas . Eve. How ? your rest � Let 's breake his necke in jest , the Divell saies , Fit. Di gratia , Signòr mio se baúete denári fataméne parte . Mer. What , would the Divell borrow money ? Fit. Ouy , Ouy , Monsiur , ùn pàuure Diable ! Diablet in ! Pou. It is the Divell , by his severall languages . Sha. Where 's Sir Paule Either-side ? Pou. Here , what 's the matter ? Sha. O! such an accident falne out at Newgate , Sir : A great piece of the prison is rent downe ! The Divell has beene there , Sir , in the body � Of the young Cut-purse , was hang'd out this morning , But in new clothes , Sir , every one of us know him . These things were found in his pocket . Amb. Those are mine , Sir . Sha. I thinke he was committed on your charge , Sir . For a new felony Amb. Yes . Sha. Hee 's gone , Sir , now , And left us the dead body . But with all , Sir , Such an infernall stinke , and steeme behind , You cannot see St. Pulchars Steeple , yet . They smell 't as far as Ware , as the winde lies , By this time , sure . Fit. Is this upon your credit , friend ? Sha. Sir , you may see , and satisfie your selfe . Fit. Nay , then , 't is time to leave off counterfeiting . Sir I am not bewitch'd , nor have a Divell � No more then you . I doe defie him , I , And did abuse you . These two Gentlemen Put me upon it . ( I have faith against him ) They taught me all my trickes . I will tell truth , And shame the Fiend . See , here , Sir are my bellowes , And my falle belly , and my Mouse , and all That should ha' come forth ? Man. Sir , are not you asham'd Now of your solemne , serious vanity ? Pou. I will make honourable amends to truth . Fit. And so will I . But these are Coozners , still ; And ha' my land , as plotters , with my wife : Who , though she be not a witch , is worse , a whore . Man. Sir , you belie her . She is chast , and vertuous , and we are honest . I doe know no glory A man should hope , by venting his owne follies , But you 'll still be an Asse , in spite of providence . please you goe in , Sir , and here truths , then judge 'hem : and make amends for your late rashnesse ; when , You shall but here the paines and care was taken , To save this foole from ruine ( his Grace of Droun'd land ) Fit. My land is droun'd indeed � Pou. Peace . Man. And how much is modest and too worthy wife hath suffer'd By misconstruction , from him , you will blush , First for your owne beliefe , more for his actions ! His land is his : and never , by my friend , Or by my selfe , meant to another use , But for her succours , who hath equall right . If any other had worse counsells in 't , ( I know I speake to those can apprehend me ) Let 'hem repent 'hem , and be not detected . It is not manly to take joy , or pride In humane errours ( we doe all ill things , They doe 'hem worst that love 'hem , and dwell there , Till the plague comes ) The few that have the seeds Of goodnesse left , will sooner make their way To a true life , by shame , then punishment .
The END
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A46228-e100840 He shewes Fitz-dottrel to him , comming forth . He expresses a longing to see the Divell . Hee lookes and survays's his feet ; over and over . He viewes his feet againe . Ingine hath won Fitz-dottrel , to say on the cloake . He gives him the Play-bill . He turnes to Wittipol . Hee shrugs himselfe up in the cloak . Wittipol knocks his friend o' the brest . A Niaise is a young Hawke , tane crying out of the nest . He disposes his wife to his place , and sets his watch . He repeats his contract againe . Wittipol beginnes . He offers to discloake him . Shee stands mute . He sets Mr. Manly his friend in her place . And speakes for her . He turnes his wife about . To a waiter . To another . He pluckes out the 2. Bottle-ale . Hee drawes out an other Raisines . She sends Divell out � Divell returnes . He goes out . She thinkes � her husband watches . Her husband goes out , and enters presently with a cudgell upon him . After a pause . He strikes him againe � and againe . Divell goes out . He whispers him of a place . Hee spies Divell . He gives him a paper , wherein is the copy of a Song . Manly sings , Pug enters perceives it . This Scene is acted at two windo's , as out of two contiguous buildings . Hee growes more familiar in his Court-ship . Plaies with her paps , kisseth her hands , &c. Her husband appeares at her back . Hee speakes out of his wives window . He strikes his wife . The Divell speakes below . Fitz-dottrel enters with his wife as come down . Ingine whispers Merecraft , Merecraft turnes to Fitz-dottrel . Fitz-dottrel goes out . Enters again . Traines enters . Mere-craft tells him of his faults . He repines , and threatens him . They joynes Meere-craft pretends businesse . Meere-craft describes the office of Dependancy . He offers to be gone . He whispers Fitz-dottrel aside . And then Guilt-head . He pulls Plutarchus by the lips . He turns to old Guilt-head . Now to Fitz-dottrel . He turnes 'hem out together . And Everill and he fall to share . He excepts at his stature . He shewes him his Pug. Gives him instructions . He longs to see the play . Because it is the Divell . He puts him in mind of his quarrell . He is angry with himselfe . He thinkes how to coozen the bearer of the ring . Questions his man . Offers to kisse . She runs in , in haste : he followes . Pug leaps at Pitfall's comming in . Traine's in his false cloak brings a false message , & gets the ring . Mere craft followes presently , and askes for it . Ent. Train's as himselfe againe . The Divell confesseth himselfe coozen'd . Meere-craft accuseth him of negligence . He asketh aide . Merecraft promiseth faintly , yet comforts him . The Divell is doubtfull . He flatters her . Manly offers to be gone . Meer-craft denies him . She spies the Lady Either-side . Meere-craft hath whisper'd with the while . The Project for Tooth-picks . Trains his man whispers him . She lookes in her glasse . Wittipol enters . Wittipol is drest like a Spanish Lady . Excuses him selfe for not kissing . Manly begins to know him . Wittipol whispers with Manly . He presents Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . He is jealous about his ring , and Mere-craft delivers it . Wittipol gives it Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Mere-craft murmures . He is satisfied , now he sees it . He upbraids her with his Bill of costs . He enters himselfe with the Ladies . The Divell admires him . He shews his Pug. Manly goes out with indignation . They begin their Catechisme . He strikes him . The Divell praies . Fitz-dottrel admires Wittipol . The Divell praies againe . He gives his wife to him , taking him to be a Lady . Mere-craft whispers against him . Everil whispers against Mere-craft . Manly , conceal'd this while , shews himselfe . Meere-craft taks Wittipol aside , & moves a project for himselfe . He hopes to be the man . She designes Manly . Everil applaudes it . Fitz-dottrel is suspicious of Manly still . Wittipol discovers himselfe . He would have his deed again . Wittipol baffles him , and goes out . Pitfall goes out . Meere-craft seemes full of business Ambler this too with extraordinary speed He stags Ambler comes in , & survaies him . He answers quite from the purpose . For Scepticks . They repair their old plot . Fitz dottrel askes for his money . Meaning Mere-raft . The Project of forks . Sledge is brought about . And Guilt-head comes . Fitz-dottrel disclaimes him . And sends him away . Mere-craft gives the instructions to him and the rest . Pug is brought to New-gate . Enter Iniquity the Vice . The great Divell enters , and upbraids him with all his daies work . Iniquity takes him on his back . A great noise is heard in Newgate , and the Keepers come out affrighted . The Iustice comes out wondring and the rest informing him . He beginnes his fit . The Iustice interpret all Wittipol , and Manly and Mistr- Fitz-dottrel enter . His wife goes to him They whisper him . And give sope to act with . Sir Poule interprets Figgum a Iuglers game . Enter the Keeper of New-gate Fitx . dottrel leaves counterfaiting .
The Epilogue . THus , the Projector , here , is over-throwne . But I have now a Project of mine owne , If it may passe : that no man would invite The Poet from us , to sup forth to night , If the play please . If it displeasant be , We doe presume , that no man will : nor we :
Machine-generated castlist A46228-fitzdottrell 245 A46228-meerecraft 232 A46228-wittipol 155 A46228-pug 91 A46228-tailbush 80 A46228-everill 57 A46228-manly 48 A46228-ingine 44 A46228-eitherside 41 A46228-mrs_fitzdottrel 30 A46228-poule 29 A46228-ambler 26 A46228-guilt_head 20 A46228-plutarchus 15 A46228-trains 9 A46228-shackles 9 A46228-pitfall 7 A46228-iniquity 6 A46228-sledge 4 A46228-devil 4 A46228-keeper_2 4 A46228-keeper_1 4 A46228-unassigned 4 A46228-keeper_4 3 A46228-keeper_3 2 A46228-satan 2 A46228-servant 1 A46228-keeper 1 keeper_3 1 A46228-multiple 1
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�lbowes will thrust and spurne , And knocke us o'the elbowes and bid , turne ; As if , when we had spoke ha'seen't Till you give some . And when six times you ha' seen't , If this Play doe not like , the Chiefe� For that , great Chiefe! ! As time shall work , I do but aske my Tot�am of a Market-womans Mare , 'Twixt this and Totnam ? these were wont to bee Your maine atchievements ��� Why , any Fraud ; Or Covetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; ��� Iniquity ��� Fraud ; ��� Covetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; Or old Iniquity : I'll call him hither . ��� thy heele , and a hat like a pent-house . Thy breeches of three fingers , and thy doublet H�m Chimney-sweepers To their tobacco , and strong-waters , Hum , Meath , and Obarni . Wee must therefore ��� spirit departed , you may enter his body : For clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman ��� clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman , Or let our tribe of Brokers furnish you . ��� cloak� Ingine hath won Fitz-dottrel , to say on the cloake. . . giv� He gives him the Play-bill . upo'those the matter , that he'll part With's cloake upo' those termes ? And'tis And 'tis told me , Yo'have travell'd lately th� For the short space You doe demand , the fourth convenien� of an houre , I think I shall , with some convenient study , And this good helpe to boot , bring Cast'bout takings by the armes , nor tender circles Cast 'bout the wast , but all be done at distance ve� For that , ne'r vex your selfe , till the event . How like yo'him �ew degrees of thinking . Old Africk , and the new America , With all their fruite of Monsters � Pancridge : Draw , Gi'me out one , by chance . Project ; foure dogs skins ? Twelve thousand thinke� She thinkes � her husband watches . � richest tract of land , Love , i'the kingdome ! There will be made seventeene , or eighteene Gr�en-land Yes ; It goes like Green-land , Sir , if you marke it . were'gainst It were 'gainst reason , That you should urge it ; Sir , Ev�rill truth � That way his Genius lies . My Cousin Everill ! � Why , I must waite , I'am sure on't , Son : and though My Lord dispatch me , yet his �ells Mere-craft tells him of his faults . joyne� They joynes pou�d Exchequer , To supply all . What is't ? a hundred pound ? ��� , and it shall be one of my ambitions To have it the first Businesse ? May I not ? ��� Mer Sir� Sir� � ��� concernes , the first be a perfect � Sir , ��� concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse ��� concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse , For his own honour ! ow��onour the first be a perfect Businesse , ��� his own honour ! ��� I , and th'reputation To of my place . � that's done , now , what doe you upon it ? � grant out our Processe , which is divers ; Either by Chartell , Sir , or ore-tenus � You will hooke still ? well , Shew us your ring . You could not ha'done ha'thank'd now With gentlenesse , at first , we might ha' thank'd you � But groane , and ha'your courtesies � gentlenesse , at first , we might ha' thank'd you ? But groane , and ha'your courtesies come � him , that could pull his lips off , now ! Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman ? tu�ns He turns to old Guilt-head . Equivocks Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks � You'are growne the better Fathers of'hem � Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks : You'are growne the better Fathers of'hem fity therefore , Looke you't be right . You shall have fifty pound for't . Not a deneer more ! And because dencer You shall have fifty pound for't . Not a deneer more ! And because you would Have things � S'light ! There's Ingines share too , I had forgot ! This raigne Is too-too unsuportable Cioppin�s you'll love him for't ) To say , he weares Cioppines : and they doe so In Spaine . And Robinson's � I know her , Sir , And her Gentleman huisher . � What is her end , in this ? ��� Ev. . D�ttrel The foole's in sight , Dottrel . � But say , that he be ont , Wi'not be aw'd ! but laugh at you . How then ? Di�ell , rather then thanke you . Come , get the Diuell out of your head , my Lord , ( I'll call �enders speake Against a kinsman , but as one that tenders Your graces good . Fe�ffees presently . And leave a blancke to put in your Feoffees One , two , or more , as you see cause � comfor�� Merecraft promiseth faintly , yet comforts him . _APox A pox upo ' referring to Commissioners , I'had � must move , Madame , in order , by degrees : not jump . M�mis-man Why , there was Sr. Iohn Monie-man could jump A Businesse quickely . su�or part . You may have heard , That Manly is a sutor to me , I doubt not : �'faith You sha'not goe , i'faith . I'll ha' you stay and see this Spanish �avor therein did use but his old manners , And favor strongly what he was before . stranger� thou done , good wench ? Thou hast beene a stranger! ! I ha'not seene thee , this weeke . Ambl�r horses , And the two Coach-men , with my Ambler , bare , And my three women : we will live ha'what the breath Pure , and so free from taint � ha' what is't ? sai'st thou ? W�'not Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause � Most ruinous things p�use Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause � Most ruinous things , madame , That have Man�ly Wittipol whispers with Manly . Pol�dipedra Your Allum Scagliola , or Polidipedra ; And Zuccarino ; Turpentine of Abezzo , �lemish preserves from wrinkles , warts , spots , moles , blemish , or Sun-burnings , and keepes the skin � flowers of Rovistico ; Makes the best muta , or die of the whole world . fool�'s I must Deliver it , or marre all . This foole's so jealous . Madame � Sir , weare this ring � Ha'they no servants , madame , there ? nor friends ? � To get you entred . Then let my new Play , To wait upon you , here , to see't confirm'd Conqueronr sounds , me thinks , As it came in with the Conquerour � amires Fitz-dottrel admires Wittipol . sttamp forme her as you shall thinke good ! Set any stamp on ! I'll receive her from you As a new Meere�craft Meere-craft taks Wittipol aside , & moves a project meves Meere-craft taks Wittipol aside , & moves a project for himselfe . Fitz-doftrell Wittipoll . Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Manly . Meere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . designe She designes � Manly . Ny heare from me , he would needs be courting My Wife , Sir . S�r me , he would needs be courting My Wife , Sir . tell�ng Beyond telling ! Here has been that infinity of strangers indoubt goe neare To be the losse o'my place ; I am in doubt ! fu��� Meere-craft seemes full of business busine�� Meere-craft seemes full of business wit� Ambler this too with extraordinary speed spe�� Ambler this too with extraordinary speed H� He stags �mbler Ambler comes in , & survaies ��� . �omes Ambler comes in , & survaies ��� . ���vaies Ambler comes in , & survaies ��� . ��� Ambler comes in , & survaies him . dd So do I : renounce me else . �orks The Project of forks . We�'ll your selfe on a bed , Sir , And faine you ill . Wee'll not be seen wi'you , Till after , that you t'out doe . Sir , be confident , 'Tis no hard thing t'outdoe the Divell in : A Boy o'thirteen yeere old simpe Come , you ha'put Your selfe to a simple coile here , and your freinds , By dealing � Child of hell , be thou merry : Put a looke on , as round , boy , and red � ornaments , Baby , have graced thy betters : Looke upon me , and hearken . Our Chiefe � better fiends ? Yet , you would be imploy'd ? Yes , hell shall make you Provinciall o'the gan't'appeare And then the witchcraft ' gan t'appeare , for straight He fell into his Iustic� The Iustice interpret all ou�-face And out-face Iustice , they are the parties , Sir . F�e Gentleman ! How he is tortur'd ! Mis. Fit Fie , Master Fitz-dottrel ! What doe yo meane hi� His wife goes to him beloeve Do you believe in't ? � My conscience : 'Tis a cleare conspiracy ! A darke and divellish practice ! I detest �umble You doe not rumble enough . Merid�an discharge my conscience , and doe all To the Meridian of Iustice . �nd belie her . She is chast , and vertuous , and we are honest . I doe know no glory A man � , and we are honest . I doe know no glory A man should hope , by venting his owne follies �ut should hope , by venting his owne follies , But you'll still be an Asse , in spite of providence ��ase still be an Asse , in spite of providence . please you goe in , Sir , and here truths , then �o� make amends for your late rashnesse ; when , You shall but here the paines and care was taken �o but here the paines and care was taken , To save this foole from ruine ( his Grace of � modest and too worthy wife hath suffer'd By misconstruction , from him , you will blush ��st misconstruction , from him , you will blush , First for your owne beliefe , more for his actions ��� your owne beliefe , more for his actions ! His land is his : and never , by my friend , ��� land is his : and never , by my friend , Or by my selfe , meant to another use , ��� ��� ��� by my selfe , meant to another use , But for her succours , who hath equall right