A04644 ---- Chloridia Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04644 of text S109221 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14762). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Melina Yeh This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04644.xml Chloridia. Rites to Chloris and her nymphs. Personated in a masque, at court. By the Queenes Maiesty and her ladies. At Shroue-tide. 1630. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 11 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844871 STC (2nd ed.) 14762. Greg, II, 452(a). 9719 A04644

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 Chloridia. Rites to Chloris and her nymphs. Personated in a masque, at court. By the Queenes Maiesty and her ladies. At Shroue-tide. 1630. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [20] p. Printed for Thomas Walkley, London : [1631] 1631

Anonymous. By Ben Jonson.

Partly in verse.

The year date on title-page is given according to Lady Day dating.

Signatures: A-B4 C2.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 A04644 shc Chloridia Jonson, Ben Melina Yeh 1631 play masque shc no A04644 S109221 (STC 14762). 2923 0 0 0 0000AThis text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

CHLORIDIA .

RITES TO CHLORIS AND HER NYMPHS .

Personated in a Masque , at Court .

By the Queenes Maiesty And her Ladies .

At Shroue-tide .

1630 .

Vnius tellus ante coloris erat .

LONDON , Printed for Thomas Walkley .

CHLORIDIA .

THe King , and Queenes Maiesty , hauing giuen their command for the Inuention of a new argument , with the whole change of the Scene , wherein her Maiesty , with the like number of her Ladies , purposed a presentation to the King . It was agreed , it should be the celebration of some Rites , done to the Goddesse Chloris , who in a generall counsell of of the Gods , was proclaim'd Goddesse of the flowers , according to that of Ouid , in the Fasti .

Arbitrium tu Dea floris habe .

And was to bee stellified on Earth , by an absolut decree from Iupiter , who would haue the Earth to be adorn'd with starres , as well as the Heauen .

Vpon this hinge , the whole Inuention moou'd .

The ornament , which went about the Scene , was composed of Foliage , or leaues heightned with gold , and enterwouen with all sorts of flowers ; and naked children , playing , and climbing among the branches ; and in the midst , a great garland of flowers , in which was written , CHLORIDIA .

The Curtaine being drawne vp , the Scene is discouer'd , consisting of pleasant hills , planted with young trees , and all the lower bankes adorned with flowers . And from some hollow parts of those hills , Fountaynes come gliding downe , which , in the farre-of Land-shape , seem'd all to be conuerted to a riuer .

Ouer all , a serene skie , with transparent clouds , giuing a great lustre to the whole worke , which did imitate the pleasant Spring .

VVhen the Spectators had enough fed their eyes , with the delights of the Scene , in a part of the ayre , a bright cloud begins to breake forth ; and in it , is sitting a plumpe Boy , in a changeable garment , richly adorn'd , representing the mild Zephyrus . On the other side of the Scene , in a purplish cloud , appeareth the Spring , a beautifull Mayde , her vpper garment greene , vnder it , a white robe wrought with flowers ; A garland on her head .

Here Zephyrus begins his dialogue , calling her forth , and making narration of the Gods decree at large , which shee obeyes , pretending , it is come to Earth already : and there begun to bee executed , by the Kings fauour , who assists with all bounties , that may bee eyther vrg'd , as causes , or reasons of the Spring .

The first Song . ZEPHYRVS . Come forth , come forth , the gentle Spring , And carry the glad newes , I bring , To Earth , our common mother : It is decreed , by all the Gods The Heau'n , of Earth shall haue no odds , But one shall loue another : Their glories they shall mutuall make , Earth looke on Heauen , for Heauens sake ; Their honour's shall bee euen : All emulation cease , and iarres ; Ioue will haue Earth to haue her starres And lights , no lesse then Heauen . SPRING . It is already done , in flowers As fresh and new as are the howres , By warmth of yonder Sunne . But will be multipli'd on vs , If from the breath of ZEPHYRVS Like fauour we haue wonne . ZEPHYRVS . Giue all to him : His is the dew , The heate , the humor , SPRING . � All the true � Beloued of the Spring ! ZEPHYRVS . The Sunne , the Wind , the Verdure ! SPRING . � All , That wisest Nature cause can call Of quick'ning any thing .

At which , Zephyrus passeth away through the ayre , and the Spring descendeth to the Earth : and is receiu'd by the Naiades , or Napeae ; who are the Nymph's , Fountaynes , and Seruants of the season �

The second Song . FOVNTAYNES . Fayre Mayde , but are you come to dwell , And tarry with ys here ? SPRING . Fresh Fountaynes , I am come to tell A tale in yond' soft eare , Whereof the murmure will do well : If you your parts will beare . FOVNTAYNES . Our purlings wayte vpon the Spring . SPRING . Goe vp with me , then : helpe to sing The story to the King .

Here the Spring goes vp , singing the argument to the King ; and the Fountaynes follow with the close .

SPRING . Cupid hath ta'ne offence of late At all the Gods , that of the State , And in their Councell , he was so deserted , Not to be call'd into their Guild But slightly passd by , as a child . FOVNTAYNES . Wherein hee thinkes his honour was peruerted . SPRING . And though his Mother seeke to season , And rectifie his rage with reason , By shewing he liues yet vnder her command , Rebellious he , doth disobey , And she hath forc'd his armes away . FOVNTAYNES . To make him feele the Justice of her hand . SPRING . Whereat the Boy , in fury fell , With all his speed , is gone to hell , There to excite , and stirre vp jealousy , To make a party 'gainst the Gods , And set Heauen , Earth , and Hell at odds . FOVNTAYNES . And rayse a chaos of calamity .

The Song ended , the Nymphs fall into a dance , to their voyces , and instruments , and so returne into the Scene .

THE ANTIMASQVE . First Entry .

A part of the vnder ground opening , out of it enters a Dwarfe-Post from Hell , riding on a Curtall , with clouen feete , and two Lacqueys : These dance , & make the first entry of the Antimasque . Hee alights , and speakes .

POSTILION .

Hold my stirrop , my one Lacquey ; and looke to my Curtall , the other : walke him well , Sirrah , while I expatiate my selfe here in the report of my office ! oh the Furies ! how I am ioyed with the title of it ! Postillion of Hell ! yet no Mercury . But a mere Cacodaemon , sent hether with a packet of newes ! newes ! neuer was Hell so furnished of the commodity of newes ! Loue hath bin lately there , and so entertained by Pluto , and Proserpine , and all the Grandees of the place as , it is there perpetuall Holy-day : and a cessation of torment granted , and proclaimed for euer ! Halfe-famish'd Tantalus is fallen to his fruit , with that appetite , as it threaten's to vndoe the whole company of Costardmungers , and ha's a riuer afore him , running excellent wine lxion is loos'd from his wheele , and turn'd Dancer , does nothing but cut capreols , fetch friskals , and leades Laualtos , with the Lamiae ! Sisyphus ha's left rowling the stone , and is growne a Mr. bowler ; challenges all the prime gamesters , Parsons in hell , and giues them odds : vpon Tityus his brest , that ( for fixe of the nine aeres ) is counted the subtlest bowling-ground in all Tartary . All the Furies are at a game call'd nine pins , or keilles , made of old vsurers bones , and their soules looking on with delight , and betting on the game . Neuer was there such freedome of sport . Danaus daughters haue broke their bottomelesse tubs , and made bonfires of them . All is turn'd triumph there . Had hell gates bin kep't with halfe that strictnesse as the entry here ha's bin to night , Pluto would haue had but a cola Court , & Proserpine a thinne presence , though both haue a vast territory We had such a stirre to get in , I and my Curtall , and my two Lacqueys all ventur'd through the eye of a Spanish needle , we had neuer come in else , & that was by the fauour of one of the guard who was a womans-tayler , and held ope the passage . Cupid by commission hath carried jealousie from Hell , Disdaine , Feare , and Dissimulation , with other Goblins , to trouble the Gods . And I am sent after post , to rayse Tempest , Windes , Lightnings , Thunder , Rayne , and Snow , for some new exployt they haue against the Earth , and the Goddesse Chloris , Queene of the flowers , and Mistris of the Spring . For ioy of which I will returne to my selfe , mount my Bidet , in a dance ; and coruet vpon my Curtall .

The speech ended , the Postillion mounts his Curtall , and with his Lacqueys , danceth forth as hee came in .

2 Entry .

Cupid , Jealousy , Disdaine , Feare , and Dissimulation , dance together .

3 Entry .

The Queenes Dwarfe , richly apparrel'd , as a Prince of Hell , attended by 6 infernall Spirits ; He first danceth alone , and then the Spirits : all expressing their ioy , for Cupids comming among them .

4 Entry .

Here the Scene changeth , into a horrid storme . Out of which enters the Nymph Tempest , with foure Windes . they dance .

5 Entry .

Lightnings , 3 in number , their habits glistering , expressing that effect , in their motion .

6 Entry .

Thunder alone dancing the tunes to a noyse , mixed , and imitating thunder .

7 Entry .

Rayne , presented by 5 persons all swolne , and clouded ouer , their hayre flagging , as if they were wet , and in their hands , balls full of sweete water , which , as they dance , sprinkle all the roome .

8 and last Entry .

Seuen with rugged white heads , and beards , to expresse Snow , with flakes on their garments , mix'd with hayle . These hauing danced , returne into the stormy Scene , whence they came .

Here , by the prouidence of Iuno , the tempest on an instant ceaseth : And the Scene is changed into a delicious place , figuring the bowre of Chloris . Where , in an arbour fayn'd of Gold-smiths worke , the ornament of which was borne vp with Termes of Satyres , beautify'd with Festones , garlands , and all sorts of fragrant flowers . Beyond all this , in the skie a farre of appear'd a Rainebow , In the most eminent place of the Bowre , sate the Goddesse Chloris , accompanied with fourteene Nymphs , their apparrell white , embroydered , with siluer , trim'd at the shoulders with great leaues of greene , embroydered with gold , falling one vnder the other . And of the same worke were their bases , their head-'tires of flowers , mix'd with siluer , and gold , with some sprigs of Aegrets among , and from the top of their dressing , a thinne vayle hanging downe .

All which beheld ,

The Nymphs , Riuers , and Fountaynes with the Spring , sung this reioycing Song .
Song . 3. RIVERS , SPRING , FOVNTAYNES . Run out , all the Flouds , in ioy with your siluer feete ; And hast to meete , the enamour'd Spring ; For whom the warbling Fountaynes sing : The story of the flowers ; preserued by the Howers ; At Iuno's soft command , and Iris showers ; Sent to quench iealousie , and all those powers Of Loues rebellious warre : Whil'st Chloris sits a shining starre To crowne , and grace our iolly song , made long , To the notes , that we bring , to glad the Spring .

Which ended , the Goddesse , and her Nymphs descend the degrees , into the roome , and dance the entry of the grand-masque .

After this , another Song by the same persons , as before .
Song . 4 , RIVERS , FOVNTAYNES . Tell a truth , gay Spring , let vs know What feete they were , that so Impres't the Earth , and made such various flowers to grow ! SPRING . She that led , a Queene was at least , Or a Goddesse , 'boue the rest : And all their graces , in her selfe expres't ! RIVERS , FOVNTAYNES . O' it were a fame , to know her name ! Whether she were the roote ; Or they did take th' impression , from her foote .
The Masquers here dance their second dance .

Which done ,

The farther Prospect of the Scene changeth into ayre , with a low Land-shape , in part couered with clouds : And in that instant , the Heauen opening , Iuno , and Iris are seene , and aboue them many aery spirits , sitting in the cloudes .

Song . 5. IVNO . Now Iuno , and the Ayre shall know The truth of what is done below , From our discolourd bow . Iris , what newes ? IRIS . The ayre is cleare , your bow can tell , Chloris renown'd , Spight fled to Hell ; The busines all is well . And Cupid sues - IVNO . For pardon . Do's hee ? IRIS . Hee sheds teares More then your Birds haue eyes . IVNO The Gods haue eares . Offences , made agaynst the Deities , Are soone forgot - IRIS . If who offends , be wife .

Here , out of the Earth , ariseth a Hill , and on the top of it , a globe , on which Fame is seene standing with her trumpet , in her hand ; and on the Hill , are seated foure Persons , presenting , Poesie , History , Architecture , and Sculpture : who together with the Nymphs , Floods , and Fountaynes , make a full Quire , at which , Fame begins to mount , and moouing her wings , flyeth , singing vp to Heauen :

FAME . Rise golden Fame , and giue thy name a birth CHORVS . From great and generous actions , done on Earth . FAME . The life of Fame is action . CHORVS . Vnderstood That action must be vertuous , great , and good ! FAME . Vertue it selfe by Fame is of 't protected , And dies despised � CHORVS . Where the Fames neglected FAME . Who hath not heard of Chloris , and her bowre Fayre Iris act , employ'd by Iuno's power To guard the Spring , and prosper euery flower , Whom Iealousie and Hell thought to deuoure ? CHORVS . Great actions of 't obscurd by time , may lye , Or enuy � FAME But they last to memory . POESY . Wee that sustaine thee , Learned Poesy HISTORY . And I , her sister , seuere History . ARCHITECTVRE . With Architecture , who will rayse thee high , SCVLPTVRE . And Sculpture , that can keepe thee from to dye . CHORVS . All helpe lift thee to eternity . JVNO . And Iuno , through the ayre , doth make thy way , IRIS . By her serenest Messenger of Day . FAME . Thus Fame ascend's , by all degrees , to Heauen : And leaues a light , here , brighter , then the seuen . CHORVS . Let all applaud the sight . Ayre first , that gaue the bright Reflections , Day or Night ! With these supports of Fame , That keepe aliue her name ! The beauties of the Spring . Fount's , Riuers , euery thing : From the height of all , To the Waters fall - Resound , and sing The honour's of his Chloris , to the King . Chloris , the Queene of Flowers ; The sweetnesse of all Showres ; The ornament of Bowres ; The top of Par-amours !

Fame , being hidden in the clouds , the hill sinkes : and the Heauen closeth .

The Masquers dance with the Lords . The END
The Names of the Masquers as they sate in the Bowre . The Queene . Countesse of Carlile . Countesse of Oxford . Lady Strange . Countesse of Borkeshire . Lady Anne Cauendish . Countesse of Carnaruan . Countesse of Newport . Lady Penelope Egertn . M. Porter . M. Dor . Sauage . La. Howard . M. Eliz Sauage . M. Anne Wepon . M. Sophia Cory .
Machine-generated castlist A04644-spring 9 A04644-chorus 6 A04644-fame 6 A04644-fountain 5 A04644-juno 4 A04644-iris 4 A04644-zephyrus 3 A04644-multiple 3 A04644-history 1 A04644-postilion 1 A04644-architecture 1 A04644-poesy 1 A04644-sculpture 1
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yond'soft Fountaynes , I am come to tell A tale in yond' soft eare , Whereof the murmure will do lealousy to hell , There to excite , and stirre vp jealousy , To make a party 'gainst the Gods , And ariuer whole company of Costardmungers , and ha's a riuer afore him , running excellent wine Iealoufie passage . Cupid by commission hath carried jealousie from Hell , Disdaine , Feare , and Dissimulation gliste ring Lightnings , 3 in number , their habits glistering , expressing that effect , in their wi�h Snow , with flakes on their garments , mix'd with hayle . These hauing danced , returne into O'it O' it were a fame , to know her name ! Whether
A04651 ---- Ben: Ionson's execration against Vulcan· VVith divers epigrams by the same author to severall noble personages in this kingdome. Never published before. Execration against Vulcan Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04651 of text S107918 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14771). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 58 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 29 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A04651 STC 14771 ESTC S107918 99843610 99843610 8354 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04651) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 8354) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 757:11) Ben: Ionson's execration against Vulcan· VVith divers epigrams by the same author to severall noble personages in this kingdome. Never published before. Execration against Vulcan Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Vaughan, Robert, engraver. [54] p., plate : port. Printed by J. O[kes] for Iohn Benson [and A. Crooke], and are to be sold at his shop at St. Dunstans Church-yard in Fleet-streete, London : 1640. In verse. Okes' and Crooke's names from STC. Signatures: A-G⁴ (-A1). The plate is signed: Ro: Vaughan fecit. With a final errata leaf. Imprimatur, A4v, dated 1639. Variant: imprimatur dated 1640. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. eng Epigrams, English. A04651 S107918 (STC 14771). civilwar no Ben: Ionson's execration against Vulcan· VVith divers epigrams by the same author to severall noble personages in this kingdome. Never publi Jonson, Ben 1640 9736 4 0 0 0 0 0 4 B The rate of 4 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. 2002-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-10 Emma (Leeson) Huber Sampled and proofread 2002-10 Emma (Leeson) Huber Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Ben : Ionson's Execration against VVLCAN . VVith divers Epigrams by the same Author to severall Noble Personages in this Kingdome . Never Published before . LONDON : Printed by I. O. for Iohn Benson , and are to be sold at his shop at St. Dunstans Church-yard in Fleet-streete . 1640. To the Right Honourable THOMAS Lord WINDSOR , &c. My LORD : THE assurance the Author of these Poems received of his Worth from your Honour , in his life time , was not rather a marke of his desert , than a perfect demonstration of your Noble love to him : Which consideration , has rais'd my bold desire to assume presumption , to present these to your Honour , in the person of one deceased ; the forme whereof somewhat disperst , yet carry with them the Prerogative of truth to be Mr. Ben : Ionsons ; and will so appeare to all , whose Eyes , and Spirits are rightly plac'd . You are ( my Lord ) a Person who is able to give value and true esteeme to things of themselves no lesse deserving : such were his , strong , and as farre transcendent ordinary imagination , as they are conformable to the sence of such who are of sound judgement : his Strenuous Lines , and sinewey Labours have rais'd such Piramydes to his lasting name , as shall out-last Time . And that these may , without any diminution to the glory of his greater Workes , enjoy the possession of publicke favour , ( by your Honours permission ) I shall be glad by this small Testimony account it a fit opportunity to assure your Honour , my Lord , that I am Your most humble and affectionate Servant , JOHN BENSON . Imprimatur Matth. Clay . Decemb. 14. 1639. Ben : Ionson's Execration against Vulcan . ANd why to me this ; ( thou lame god of fire ) What have I done that mght cal on thine ire ? Or urge thy greedy flames , thus to devoure So many my yeares labours in one houre ! I ne're attempted ought against thy life , Nor made lesse line of Love to thy loose wife : Or in remembrance of thy affront and scorne , With clowns & tradesmen kept thee close in horn : 'T was Iupiter that hurld thee head-long downe , And Mars that gave thee a Lanthorne for a Crowne . Was it because thou wert of old deny'd , By Iove , to have Minerva for thy Bride . That since thou tak'st all envious care and paine , To ruine every issue of her Braine ? Had I wrot Treason there , or Heresie , Impostures , Witchcraft , Charmes , or Blasphemy , I had deserv'd then thy consuming lookes , Perhaps to have beene burned with my books : But on thy Malice tell mee , didst thou spye Any least loose , or scurrill paper lye Conceal'd , or kept there ; that was fit to be , By thy owne vote , a Sacrifice to thee ? Did I there wound the honour of the Crowne ? Or taxe the glory of the Church , or Gowne ? Itch to defame the state , or brand the Times , And my selfe most in leaud selfe-boasting Rimes ? If none of these , why then this fire ? or find A cause before , or leave me one behind . Had I compil'd from Amadis de Gaule Th'Esplandians , Arthurs , Palmerins , and all The learned Library of Don Quixot , And so some goodlier Monster had begot : Or spunne out Riddles , or weav'd fifty Tomes Of Logogriphes , or curious Pallindromes ; Or pump'd for those hard trifles , Anagrams , Or Ecrosticks , or your finer flames Of Egges , and Halberds , Cradles and a Herse , A paire of sizers and a Combe in verse Acrosticks , and Tellesticks , or iumpe names , Thou then hadst had some colour for thy flames , On such my serious follies : But thou'lt say , There were some pieces of as base a Lay , And as false stampe there : parcells of a play Fitter to see the fire-light , than the day : Adulterate Monyes , such as would not goe , Thou shouldst have staid , till publick fame said so . She is the Iudge , thou Executioner : Or if thou needs will trench upon her power , Thou mightst have yet enioy'd thy cruelty , With some more thirst and more variety ! Thou mightst have had me perish piece by piece , To light Tobacco , or save roasted Geese , Singe Capon , or crispe Pigge , dropping their eyes ▪ Condemn'd them to the Ovens with the Pies ; And so have kept me dying a whole age , Not ravish'd all hence in a minuits rage : But that 's the mark whereof thy right doth boast , To sow Consumption every where thou go'st . Had I fore-knowne of this thy least desire , T' have held a triumph , or a feast of fire ; Especially in paper , that that steame Had tickled thy large Nostrills , many a Reame , To redeeme mine I had sent in ; enough Thou shouldst have cried , & all bin proper stuffe . The Talmond and the Alcaron had come With pieces of the Legend : the whole summe Of Errant Knight-hood , with their Dames & Dwarffs , The charmed Boats , and their inchanted Wharfes : The Tristeams , Lancelots , Turpins , and the Peeres , All the mad Rowlands , and sweet Olivers , VVith Merlins Marvailes , and his Caballs Losse , VVith the Chimera of the Rosie Crosse , Their Charmes , their Characters , Hermetticke Rings , Their Iems of Riches , and bright stone that brings Invisibility , and Strength , and Tongues , The art of kindling the true Cole by Lungs . VVith Nicholas Pasquills , meddle with your match , And the strong Lines that doe the times so catch : On Captaine Pamphlets Horse and Foot that salley , Vpon the Exchange still out of Popes head Alley , The weekly Currants , with Pauls Seale , and all The admir'd Discourses of the Prophet Baal , These ( hadst thou pleas'd either to dine or sup ) Had made a meate for Vulcan to lick up . But in my Deske , what was there to excite So ravenous and vast an appetite ? I dare not say a Body , but some parts There were of search and mistery in the Arts : And the old Venusine in Poetry , And lighted by the Staggerite could spy , Was there made English , with a Grammer too , To teach some that , their Nurses could not doe ; The purity of Language ; and ( among The rest ) my iourney into Scotland Sung , With all the adventures : three Books not afraid To speake the Fate of the Sycilian Maid For our owne Ladies : And in story there Of our fift Henry , eight of his nine yeare . In which was Oyle , besides the succours spent , Which Noble Cotton , Carew , Selden sent . And twice twelve years Stor'd-up-Humanity , And humble gleanings in Divinity , After the Fathers ; and those wiser guides , Whom Faction had not drawne to study sides . How in these ruines Vulcan dost thou lurke : All Soot and Embers , odious , as thy worke ? I now beginne to doubt , if ever grace , Or goddesse could be patient at thy face . Thou woe Minerva , or to wit aspire , 'Cause thou canst halt with us in Art and Fire . Sonne of the Winde ; for so thy Mother gone With Lust conceiv'd thee , Father thou hadst none : When thou wert born , & that thou lookst at best : She durst not kisse , but flung thee from her breast . And so did Iove , when neare meant thee his cup : No mar'le the Clowns of Lemnos took thee up . For none but Smiths would have made thee a god , Some Alchimist there may be yet , or odde : Squire of the Squibs against the Pageant day , May to thy Name a Vulcanale say , And for it lose his eyes by Gun-powder , As the other may his braines by Quick-silver : Well fare the wise men yet on the Banks-side , ( Our friends the VVatermen ) they could provide Against thy fury , when to serve their needs , They made a Vulcan on a sheafe of Reeds . VVhom they durst handle in their holy day coats , And safely trust to dresse , not burn their boats : But oh these Reeds , thy meere disdaine of them , Made thee beget that cruell stratagem : ( Which some are pleas'd to stile but thy mad prank ) Against the Globe , the glory of the banke , VVhich though it were the Fort of the whol parish , Fenc'd with a Ditch and forkt out of a Marish : I saw with two poore Chambers taken in , And rais'd ere thought could urge : this might have bin . See the worlds ruines , nothing but the piles . Left , and wit since to covet it with tiles The Brethren they straight nois'd it out for newes , 'T was verily some Relique of the Stewes : And this a sparkle of that fire let loose , That was rak'd up : the Winchestrian Goose Bred on the Banke in time of Popery , When Venus there maintain'd the mistery : But others fell with that conceite by th' eares , T was verily a threatning to the Beares ; And that accursed ground , the Paris Garden : Nay , ( sigh'd a sister ) 't was the Nun Kate Arden Kindled the fire : but then did one returne ; No foole would his owne Harvest spoile , or burn ; If that were so , thou rather wouldst advance The place that was thy wives inheritance . O no , cryed all , Fortune for being a whore , Scapt not his Iustice any iot the more . He burnt that Idoll of the Revells too : Nay let Whit●-hall with Revells have to doe , Though but in Dances ) it shall know thy power , There was a iudgement too shew'd in an houre ; He was right Vulcan still , hee did not spare Troy , though it were so much thy Venus care : Foole wilt thou let that in example come ? Did she not save from thence to build a Rome ? And what hast thou done in these petty spights , More then advanc'd the horses and their Rites , I will not argue thee from them of guilt , For they were burnt but to be better built : 'T is true , that in thy wish they were destroy'd , VVhich thou hast onely vented , not enioy'd . So wouldst th' have run upon the Roles by stealth , And didst invade part of the Common-wealth : In those Records ( which were our Chroniclers gone ) VVould be remembred by sixe Clerkes to one . But say all sixe good men , what answer yee , Lies there no Writ out of the Chancerie Against this Vulcan ? no Iniunction ? No Orders ? no Decree ? though we be gone At Common Law , me thinkes in his dispight , A Court of Equity should doe us right . But to confine him to the Brew-houses , The Glasse-house , Die-fates , and their Furnaces : To live in Sea-coale , and goe out in Smoake , Or least that vapour might the City choake , Confine him to some Brickhills , or some Hill - Foote out in Sussex to an Iron-Mill : Or in small Faggots have him blaze about , Vile Tavernes , and the Drunkards pisse him out : Or in the Bell-mans Lanthorne , like a spye , Waste to a snuffe , and then stinke out and dye . I could invent a sentence yet more worse , But I 'le conclude all in a civill curse : Poxe on your flame-ship ( Vulcan ) if it be To all as fatall as t'hath beene to me ; And to Pauls Steeple , which had beene to us 'Bove all your fire-workes : had not Ephesus , Or Alexandria , which though a Divine Losse yet remaines as unrepaird as mine : Would you had kept your forge at Aetna still , And there made swords , bills , glaves , & arms your fill ; Maintain'd a trade at Bilbo , or elsewhere , Struck in at Millane with the Cutler 's there : Or stai'd where the Fryer and you first met , That from the Devills Ars did Gunnes beget : Or fixt in the Low Countries , where you might On both sides doe your mischiefs with delight : Blow up and ruine , Mine , and Counter-mine , Vse your Petarres , and Granats , all your fine Engines of Murther , and inioy the praise Of massacring Man-kind so many wayes : We aske your absence here , we all love peace , And pray the fruits thereof and the increase , So doth the King , and most of the Kings men , That have good places : therefore once agen Poxe on thee Vulcan ; thy Pandora's Pox , And all the ills that flew out of her Box Light on thee : or if those plagues will not doe , Thy wives pox take thee , and Bess Braughtons too . Ben : Ionson . Upon King CHARLES his Birth-day . THis is King Charles his birth day , speak it the Tower Vnto the Ships , and they from Tire to Tire , Discharging 'bout the Iland in an houre , As loud as Thunder , and as swift as fire . Let Ireland meet it out at Sea halfe way , Repeating all Great Brittaines ioy and more , Adding her owne glad accents to this day , Like eccho playing from another shore . What Drums , or Trumpets , or great Ordnance can , The Poetry of Steeples with the Bells . Three Kingdomes mirth in light and ayery man , Made loftier by the windes all noyses els . At Bone-fires , Squibs , and mirth , with all their shouts , That cry the gladnesse which their hearts would pray If they had leasure , at these lawfull routs , The often comming of this Holy day : And then noyse forth the burthen of their song . Still to have such a Charles , but this Charles long . B. Jonson . To the Queene on her Birth-day . VP publicke ioy , remember The sixeteenth of November Some brave uncommmon way . And though the parish Steeple Be silent to the people , Ring thou it Holy day . What though the thirsty Towre , And Guns there spare to powre Their noyses out in thunder : As fearefull to awake The City , as to shake Their guarded Gates asunder . Yet let the Trumpets sound , And shake both aire and ground With beating of their Drums : Let every Lire be strung , Harpe , Lute , Theorbo sprung With touch of learned thumbs , That when the Quire is full , The harmony may pull The Angels from their Spheares : And each intelligence , May wish it selfe a sence , Whilst it the Ditty heares . Behold the royall Mary , The daughter of great Harry , And sister to iust Lewis , Comes in the pompe and glory Of all her Fathers story , And of her brothers Prowis . She shewes so farre above The feigned Queen of Love ; This Sea-girt ground upon , As here no Venus were But that she reigning here , Had put the Ceston on . See , see our active King , Hath taken twice the Ring Vpon the poynted Lance , VVhilst all the ravish't rout Doe mingle in a shout , Hey for the flower of France . This day the Court doth measure Her ioy in state and pleasure : And with a reverend feare , The revells and the play Make up this Crowned day Her one and twenty yeare . B. Ionson . On the Princes Birth-day . An Epigram . ANd art thou borne , brave Babe , blest be thy birth , That so hath crown'd our hopes , our spring on earth ; The bed of the chaste Lilly and the Rose , What month than May was fitter to disclose This Prince of flowers ? soone shoot thou up , and grow The same that thou art promis'd ; but be slow , And long in changing : let our Nephews see Thee quickly come , the gardens eye to be , And still to stand so : Haste now envious Moone , And interpose thy selfe , care not how soone , And threat the great Eclips two houres but runne , Sol will reshine , if not , Charles hath a Sonne . Non Displicuisse meretur Festinat Caesar , qui placuisse tibi . B. Ionson . Another on the Birth of the Prince . ANother Phoenix , though the first is dead , A second 's flowne from his immortall bed , To make this our Arabia to be The nest of an eternall progeny . Choise Nature fram'd the former but to finde What error might be mended in Man-kinde : Like some industrious workman , which affect Their first endeavours onely to correct : So this the building , that the modell was , The type of all that now is come to passe : That but the shadow , this the substance is , All that was but the prophesie of this : And when it did this after birth fore-runne , 'T was but the morning starre unto this Sunne ; The dawning of this day , when Sol did think We having such a light , that he might wink , And we ne're misse his lustre : nay so soone As Charles was borne , he and the pale-fac'd Moon With envy then did copulate , to try If such a Birth might be produc'd i' th sky . What Heavenly favour made a starre appeare , To bid wise Kings to doe their homage here , And prove him truely Christian ? long remain On Earth , sweet Prince , that when great Charles shal reign In Heaven above , our little Charles may be As great on Earth , because as good as he . B. Ionson . A Paralell of the Prince to the King . SO Peleus when he faire Thetis got , As thou thy Sea-Queene ; so to him she brought A blessed Babe , as thine hath done to thee : His worthiest prov'd of those times , ours may be Of these ; his had a Pallas for his guide , Thy wisedome will as well for ours provide : His Conquered Countries , Cities , Castles , Towers , A worthy foe ; hereafter so may ours . His all his time , but once Patroclus findes , But this of ours a world of faithfull friends : He 's vulnerable in no place but one , And this of ours ( we hope ) be hurt of none . His had his Phoenix , ours no teacher needs , But the example of thy Life and Deeds . His Nestor knew , in Armes his fellow was , But not in yeares , ( too soone runne out his Glasse ) Ours , though not Nestor knew , we trust , shall bee As wise in Armes , as old in yeares as hee . His after Death had Homer his reviver : And ours may better merit to live ever , By Deeds farre-passing : but ( oh sad dispaire ) No hope of Homer , his wit left no heire . B. Jonson . An Elegy on the Lady Jane Paulet , Marchionesse of Winchester . VVhat goodly Ghost besprint with Aprill dew , Halls me so solemnly to yonder Yeugh ? And beckoning wooes me from the fatall tree , To plucke a Garland for her selfe , or me . I doe obey you beauty ; for in death You seeme a faire one ; O that I had breath To give your shade a name ! stay ! stay ! I feele A horror in me , all my blood is steele Stiffe stark ; my ioynts 'gainst one another knock : Whose daughter ? ha ? great Savage of the Rock ! He 's good , as great ! I am almost a stone , And ere I can aske more of her she 's gone ! Alas I am all Marble : write the rest , Thou wouldst have written fame upon my breast , It is a large faire Table , and a true , And the disposure will be somewhat new : When I who would her Poet have become , At least may beare th'inscription to her Tombe : She was the Lady Iane , and Marchionesse Of Winchester , the Heralds can tell this : Earle Rivers grand-child , serve not titles , Fame Sound thou her vertues , give her soule a name . Had I a thousand mouths , as many tongues , And voyce to raise them from my brasen Lungs , I durst not aime at , the Dotes thereof were such , No Nation can expresse how much Their Charact was : I or my trump must breake , But rather I , should I of that part speake , It is too neare of kin to God the soule To be describ'd , Fames fingers are too foule To touch those misteries ; we may admire The heate and splendor , but not handle fire : What she did by great example well , T' inlive posterity , her fame may tell ; And calling truth to witnesse , make it good From the inherint graces in her blood . Else who doth prayle a person by a new , But a feign'd way doth spoyle it of the true : Her sweetnesse , softnesse , her faire courtesie , Her wary guards , her wise simplicity , Were like a ring of vertues 'bout her set , And Piety the center where all met : A reverend state she had , an awfull eye , A darling , yet inviting Maiesty ; VVhat Nature , Fortune , Institution , Fact , Could heape to a perfection , was her act : How did she leave the world , with what contempt ? Iust as she in it liv'd , and so exempt From all affection : when they urg'd the Cure Of her disease , how did her soule assure Her sufferings , as the Body had bin away : And to the torturers her Doctors say , Sticke on your Cupping-glasses , feare not , put Your hottest Causticks to burne , lance , or cut : T is but a body which you can torment , And I into the world , with my soule was sent . Then comforted her Lord , and blest her sonne , Chear'd her faire sisters in her race to runne . VVhich gladnesse temper'd her sad parents teares , Made her friends ioyes to get above their feares . And in her last act taught the standers by , With admiration and applause to dye : Let Angels sing her glories , who did call Her spirit home to her originall , That saw the way was made it , and were sent To carry and conduct the complement 'Twixt death and life : where her mortality Became her birth-day to eternity ! And now through circumfused lights she lookes On Natures secrets there as her owne bookes ; Speakes heavens language , and discourses free To every Order , every Hierarchy . Beholds her Maker , and in him doth see VVhat the beginning of all beauties be , And all beatitudes that thence doth flow , VVhich the Elect of God are sure to know . Goe now her happy parents and be sad , If yee not understand what child you had ; If you dare quarrell heaven , and repent To have paid againe a blessing was but lent , And trusted so as it deposited lay At pleasure to be cald for every day . If you can envy your owne daughters blisse ; And wish her state lesse happy than it is ; If you can cast about your either eye , And see all dead here , or about to dye . The Stars that are the iewells of the night , The day deceasing with the Prince of light The Sun . Great Kings & mightiest kingdoms fal , VVhole nations ; nay , man-kind , the world , & all That ever had beginning to have end ; VVith what iniustice can one soule pretend T' escape this common knowne necessity , VVhen we were all borne we beganne to dye : And but for that brave contention and strife , The Christian hath t' enioy a future life ; He were the wretched'st of the race of men , But as he soares at that , he bruiseth then The Serpents head ; gets above Death and Sinne ▪ And sure of heaven rides triumphing in . B. Jonson . ODE PINDARICK On the the Death of Sir Hen. Morison . BRave Infant of Saguntum cleare , Thy comming forth in that great yeare , When the prodigious Hanibal did Crowne His rage , with razing your immortall Town . Thou looking then about , Ere thou wert halfe got out : Wise Child didst hastily returne , And madst thy Mothers wombe thine Vrne , How sum'd a Circle didst thou leave mankind , Of deepest lore could wee the center find . The Counter-turne . Did wiser Nature draw thee backe , From out the horrour of that sack ? Where shame , faith , honour , and regard of right Lay trampled on the deeds of death and night . Vrg'd , hurried forth , and hurld Vpon th' affrighted world : Sword , fire , famine , with full fury met , And all on utmost ruine set : As could they but lives miseries fore-see , No doubt all Infants would returne like thee . The Stand . For what is Life , if measur'd by the space , Not by the Act ? Or masked man , if valued by his face , Above his Fact ? Here 's one out-liv'd his Peeres , And told forth fourescore yeeres , He vexed time , and busied the whole State , Troubled both foes and friends , But ever to no ends : What did this stirrer but dye late ? How well at twenty had he falne or stood , For three of his fourescore he did no good . The Turne . He entred well by vertuous parts , Got up and thriv'd with honest Arts , He purchas'd friends , and fame , and honors then , And had his Noble Name advanc'd with men . But weary of that flight , He stoop'd in all mens sight To sordid flatteries , acts of strife , And sunke in that dead Sea of life Too deepe : as he did then Deaths waters sup , But that the Corke of Title Boy'd him up . The Counter-turne . Alas but Morison fell young ; He never fell , thou tripst my tongue : He stood a Souldier to the last night end , A perfect Patriot , and a noble friend . But most a vertuous Sonne , All offices were done By him so ample , full , and round , In weight , and measure , number sound , As though his Age imperfect might appeare , His life was of Humanity the Spheare . The Stand . Goe now and tell out dayes , sum'd up with fears , And make them yeares : Produce thy masse of miseries on the Stage , To swell thine Age , Repeate of things a throng , To shew thou hast beene long , Not liv'd : for life doth her great actions spell , By what was done , and wrought In season , and so brought To light : her measures are how well : Each sillib ' answer'd , and was form'd how faire ; These make the lines of life , and that 's her aire . The Turne . It is not growing , like a Tree , In bulke , doth make man better be , Or standing long an Oake , three hundued yeare , To fall a log at last , dry , bald , and seare : A Lilly of a day , Is fairer farre in May , Although it fall and dye at night , It was the plant and flower of light ; In small proportions we iust beauty see , And in short measures life may perfect be . The Counter-turne . Call Noble Lucius then for wine , And let thy looks with gladnesse shine , Accept this Garland , plant it on thy head , And thinke , nay know thy Morison's not dead . He leap'd the present age , Possest with holy rage , To see the bright eternall day , Of which we Priests and Poets say Such truths as wee expect for happy men , And there he lives with memory : and Ben The Stand . Ionson ! who sung this of him e're he went Himselfe to rest , Or taste a part of that full ioy he meant To have exprest , In this bright Asterisme , Where it was friendships schisme , Were not his Lucius long with us to tarry , To separate these twi - Lights , the Dioscuri , And keepe the one halfe from his Harry ; But Fate doth so alternate the designe , VVhilst that in heaven , this light on earth must shine . The Turne . And shine as you exalted are , Two names of friendship , but one starre Of hearts the union : and those not by chance , Made or indentur'd , or leas'd out to advance The profits for a time , No pleasures vaine did chime Of Rimes , or ryots at your feasts , Argues of Drinke , or feign'd protests , But simple Love , of greatnesse and of good , That knits brave minds , and manners more than blood . The Counter-turne . This made you first to know the why You lik'd : then after to apply That likening ; and approach so one to th'other , Till either grew a portion of the other , Each stiled by his end , The coppy of his friend ; You liv'd to be the great sirnames , And titles by which all made claimes Vnto the vertue : nothing perfect done , But as a Cary or a Morison . The Stand . And such a force the faire example had , As they that saw The good , and durst not practise it , were glad That such a Law Was left yet to man-kind , Where they might read , and find Friendship indeed was written not in words : And with the Heart , not Pen , Of two so earely men , VVhose Lines her Rowles were , and records VVho e're the first downe ; bloomed on the Chin , Had sowed these fruits , and got the harvest in . B. Jonson . To Hierome Lord Weston vpon his returne from his Embassy . SVch pleasures as the teeming earth Doth take in easie Natures birth , When she puts forth the life of every thing , And in a dew of sweetest raine , She lyes deliver'd without paine , Of the prime beauty of the yeare and spring . That Rivers in their shores doe runne , The Clouds racke cleare before the Sunne , The rudest winds obey the calmest aire ; Rare plants from every banke doe rise , And every plant the sence surprise , Because the order of the whole is faire . The very verdure of her nest , VVherein she sits so richly drest , As all the wealth of season there were spread , Have shew'd the graces and the houres , Have multiply'd their arts and powers , In making soft her stromaticke bed . Such ioyes , such sweets doth your returne , Bring all your friends , faire Lord , that burne With ioy to heare your modesty relate The businesse of your blooming wit , With all the fruits that follow it , Both to the honour of the King and state . O how will the Court be pleas'd , To see great CHARLES of travell eas'd , When he beholds a graft of his owne hand , Spring up an Olive , fruitfull , faire , To be a shadow of the Aire ; And both a strength and beauty to the Land . B. I. To the right Honourable the L. Treasurer . An Epigram . IF to my mind , great Lord , I had a state , I would present you with some curious Plate Of Norimberg , or Turkie hang your rooms , Not from the Arras , but the Persian Looms . I would ( if price or prayer ) could them get Send in what or Romano , Tintaret , Titian , or Raphaell , Michaell Angelo , Have left in Fame to equall , or out-goe The old Greeke hands , in picture , or in stone , This would I doe , could I thinke VVeston one Catch'd with these Arts , wherein the Iudge is wife , As farre as sence , and onely by his eyes . But you I know , my Lord , and know you can Discerne betweene a Statue , and a man : Can doe the things that Statue doe deserve , And act the businesse which these paint or carve . What you have studied are the Arts of Life , To compose men and manners , stint the strife Of froward Citizens ; make Nations know , What world of Blessings to good Kings they owe ; And mightiest Monarchs feele what large increase Of Fame and Honour you possesse by peace . These I looke up at with a measuring eye , And strike Religion in the standers by . Which , though I cannot , like as an Architect , In glorious Piles and Pyramides erect Vnto your Honour ; I can voyce in song Aloud ; and ( haply ) it may last as long . B. Ionson . To Mr. Ionson upon these Verses . YOur Verses were commended , as 't is true , That they were very good , I meane to you : For they return'd you Ben I have beene told , The seld seene summe of forty pound in gold . These Verses then , being rightly understood , His Lordship , not Ben : Ionson , made them good . I. E. To my Detractor . MY Verses were commended , thou didst say , And they were very good ; yet thou thinkst nay . For thou obiectest , as thou hast beene told , Th'envy'd returne of forty pound in gold . Foole do not rate my rimes , I have found thy vice Is to make cheap the Lord , the Lines the Price : But bark thou on ; I pitty thee poore Cur , That thou shouldst lose thy noise , thy foame , thy stur , To be knowne what thou art , thou blatent beast ; But writing against me , thou thinkst at least I now would write on thee : no wretch , thy name Cannot worke out unto it such a Fame : No man will tarry by thee as he goes To aske thy name , if he have halfe a nose ; But flye thee like the Pest. Walke not the streete Out in the Dog-dayes , least the Killer meet Thy Noddle with his Club ; and dashing forth Thy dirty brains , men see thy want of worth . B. Ionson . To William Earle of New-Castle on the Backing of his Horse . VVHen first , my Lord , I saw you backe your Horse , Provoke his mettle , and command his force To all the uses of the field and race , Me thought I read the ancient Art of Thrace , And saw a Centaure past those tales of Greece ; So seem'd your Horse and You , both of a peece : You shew'd like Perseus upon Pegasus , Or Castor mounted on his Cillarus : Or what we heare our home-borne Legend tell , Of bold Sir Bevis , and his Arundell , And so your seate his beauties did endorse , As I began to wish my selfe a horse . And surely had I but your Stable seene Before , I thinke my wish absolv'd had beene : For never saw I yet the Muses dwell , Nor any of their Houshold halfe so well . So well ! as when I saw the floore and roome , I look'd for Hercules to be the Groome . And cry'd away with the Caesarian Bread , At these immortall Mangers Virgil fed . B. Jonson . To William Earle of New-Castle . An Epigram on his Fencing . THey talke of Fencing , and the use of Armes , The Art of urging , and avoyding harmes ; The Noble Science , and the Mastring skill , Of making iust approaches , how to kill , To hit in Angles , and to clash with time , As all defence , or offence , were a chime . I hate this measur'd : give me metled fire , That trembls i'th'blaze , but then mounts higher , A swift and darling motion , when a paire Of men doe meete like rarified aire : Their weapons darted with that flame and force , As they out-did the lightning in the course : This were a spectacle , a sight to draw Wonder to valour : no , it is a Law Of daring , not to doe a wrong : t is true , Next to dispise it being done to you : To know all heads of danger ; where 't is fit To bend , to breake , provoke , or suffer it : And this my Lord is valour : this is yours , And was your Fathers , and your Ancestors ; Who durst live great , when death appear'd , or bands , And valiant were with , or without , their hands . B. Jonson . To Sir Kenelme Digby . An Epigram . THough happy Muse thou know my Digby wel , Yet take him in these Lines : he doth excell In Honours , Courtesie , and all the parts Court can call hers , or man would call his Arts : He 's prudent , valiant , iust , and temperate , In him all action is beheld in state . And he is built , like some Imperiall roome , For those to dwell in , and be still at home . His breast is a brave Pallace , a broad street , Where all Heroicke ample thoughts doe meet ; Where Nature such a large surveigh hath tane , As others soules , to his , dwell in a lane : Witnesse his birth-day , the eleventh of Iune , And his grat action done at Scanderoone . That day ; which I predestin'd am to sing , For Brittains honour , and to Charles , my King : Goe Muse in , and salute him , say he be Busie , or frowne at first , when he sees thee , He wil chear up his fore-head , think thou bring'st Good Fortune to him in the Note thou sing'st : For he doth love my Verses , and will looke Vpon them , next to Spencers Noble Booke ; And praise them too : O what a Fame 't will bee ? What reputation to my Lines and me , When he doth read them at the Treasurers board , The knowing Weston , and that learned Lord Allowes them ? then what Coppies will be had ? What transcripts made ? how cri'd up , & how glad VVilt thou be Muse , when this shal then befall , Being sent to one , they will be read of all . B. Ionson . His Mistresse Drawne . SItting , and ready to be drawne , What make these Velvets , Silks , and Lawne ? Imbroderies , Feathers , Fringe , and Lace , When every Limbe takes like a face ? Send these suspected helps to aide , Some forme defective , and decai'd : This beauty without falsehood faire , Needs nought to cloath it but the Aire : Yet something to the Painters view , Were fitly interposed , so new He shall ( if he can understand ) Worke by my fancy with his hand . Draw first a Cloud , all save her necke , And out of that make day to breake : Till like her face it doe appeare , And men may thinke all light rose there . Then let the beames of that disperse The Cloud , and shew the Vniverse : But at such distance , as the eye May rather it adore than spye : The Heavens design'd , draw next a Spring , With all that youth , or it may bring : Foure Rivers , branching forth like seas , And Paradise confin'd in these . Last draw the Circle of this Globe , And let there be a starry Robe Of Constillations 'bout her hurl'd , And thou hast painted beauties world . But Painter see you doe not sell A Coppy of this Piece , nor tell VVhose 't is : but if it favour finde , Next sitting wee will draw her minde . B. Jonson . Her Minde . PAynter y' are come , but may be gone , Now I have better thought thereon , This worke I can performe alone , And give you reasons more than one , Not that your Art I doe refuse , But here I may no Colours use ; Besides your hand will never hit To draw the thing that cannot sit . You could make shift to paint an eye , An Eagle towring in the skye , A Sun , a Sea , a Sandlesse pit , And these are like a Minde , not it . No , to expresse this Mind to sence , Would aske a heavens intelligence , Since that nothing can report that flame , But what 's of kinne to whence it came : Sweet mind , then speak your self , and say As you goe on , by what brave way , Our sence you doe with knowledge fill , And yet remaine our wonder still . I call you Muse , now make it true , Hence forth may every line be you , That all may say that see the frame , This is no Picture , but the same : A mind so pure , so perfect fine , As 't is not radiant , but divine , And so disdaining any tire , 'T is got where it can trye the fire . There ( high exalted in the Spheare , As it another Nature were ) It moveth all , and makes a flight , As circular as infinite , Whose Notions when it would expresse In speech , it is with that excesse , Of grace and musick to the eare , As what it spake it planted there . The voyce so sweet , the words so faire , As some soft chime had strok'd the ayre , And though the sound were parted thence , Still left an Eccho in the sence , But that a minde so rapt so high , So swift , so pure should yet apply It selfe to us , and come so nigh Earths grossenesse , there 's the how , and why ? Is it because it sees us dull And stuck in Clay here , it would pull Vs forth by some Coelestiall slight , Vp to her owne sublimed height ? Or hath shee here upon the ground , Some Paradise or Pallace found In all the bounds of Beauty fit For her t' inhabite ? there is it . Thrice happy house that hast receite , For this so softly forme , so straite , So polish'd , perfect , and so even , As it slid moulded out of Heaven . Not swelling like the Ocean proud , But stooping gently as a Cloud , As smooth as Oyle powr'd forth , and calme As showres , and sweet as drops of Balme , Smooth , soft , and sweet , and all a flood , Where it may runne to any good , And where it stayes it there becomes , A nest of odours , spice , and gummes . In action winged as the Wind ▪ In rest like spirits left behind , Vpon a Banke or field of flowres , Begotten by the wind and showers , In the faire mansion let it rest , Yet know with what thou art possest , Thou entertaining in thy breast , But such a minde mak'st God a Guest . B. Ionson . Sir WILLIAM BVRLASE The Painter , to the Poet . TO Paint thy worth , if rightly I did know it , And were but Painter , halfe like thee a Poet , Ben : I would shew it . But in this Art , my unskilfull Pen will tire ; Thou , and thy worth , will still be found farre higher , And I a lyer . Then what a Painter's here ? and what an eater Of great attempts ? whereas his skill 's no greater , And he a Cheater . Then what a Poet 's here , whom by Confession Of all with me , to Paint without digression , There 's no expression . An Epigram to the Queens Health . HAyle MARY , full of grace , it once was said , And by an Angel , to the Blessed Maid , The Mother of our Lord : why may not I , VVithout prophannesse , as a Poet , crie Haile Marry full of Honours , to my Queene , The Mother of our Prince ? when was there seene ( Except the ioy that the first Mary brought , VVhereby the safety of the world was wrought ) So generall a gladnesse to an Isle , To make the hearts of a whole Nation smile , As in this Prince ? let it be lawfull so To compare small with great , as still we owe Our thankes to God : then haile to Mary , spring Of so much health , both to our Land and King . Ben. Ionson . ODE To himselfe . I. COme leave the loathed Stage , And the more loathsome Age , Where pride and impudence in faction knit , Vsurpe the Chaire of wit : Inditing and arraigning every day , Something they call a Play . Let their fastidious vaine Commission of the braine , Runne on , and rage , sweat , censure , and condemn , They were not made for thee , lesse thou for them . II. Say that pour'st 'hem wheat , And they would Akornes eat : T were simple fury , still thy selfe to wast On such as have no taste : To offer them a surfeit of pure bread , VVhose appetites are dead : No give them Graines their fill , Huskes , Draffe to drinke , and swill : If they love Lees , and leave the lusty VVine , Envy them not , their pallat's with the Swine , III. No doubt a mouldy Tale , Like Pericles , and Stale As the Shrives crusts , and nasty as his Fish , Scraps out of every Dish , Throwne forth and rak'd into the common Tub , May keep up the play Club . Broomes sweepings doe as well There , as his Masters meale : For who the relish of these guests will fit , Needs set them but the Almes-basket of wit . IV. And much good do 't yee then , Brave Plush and Velvet men Can feed on Orts ; and safe in your scoene cloaths , Dare quit upon your Oathes The Stagers , and the stage-writes too ; your Peers , Of stuffing your large eares VVith rage of Commicke socks , VVrought upon twenty Blocks ; VVhich if they 're torne , and foule , and patch'd enough , The Gamsters share your gilt , and you their stuffe . V. Leave things so prostitute , And take th' Alcaike Lute ; Or thine owne Horace , or Anacreons Lyre ; VVarme thee by Pindars fire : And though thy Nerves be shrunke , and blood be cold , Ere yeares have made thee old , Strike that disdainfull heat Throughout , to their defeat : As curious fooles , and envious of thy straine , May blushing sweare , no Palsi 's in thy braine . VI . But when they heare thee sing The glories of thy King ; His zeale to God , and his iust awe of men , They may be blood-shaken , then Feele such a flesh-quake to possesse their powers , That no tun'd Harpe like ours , In sound of Peace or VVarres , Shall truely hit the Starres : VVhen they shall read the Acts of Charles his Reigne , And see his Chariot triumph 'bove his VVaine . B J. BEN : JONSON The Poet , to the Painter . VVHy though I seem of a prodigious waste , I am not so voluminous and vast , But there are lines wherewith I might b'embrast . T is true ; as my womb swells , so my back stoops , And the whole part grows round , deform'd & droops , But yet the Tun at Heidleberg had hoops . You were not ty'd by any Painters Law , To square my Circle , ( I confesse ) but draw My Superficies , that was all you saw . Which if in compasse of no Art it came , To be discrib'd by a Monogram , With one great Blot y'had form'd me as I am . But since you curious were to have it bee An Archetipe for all the World to see , You made it a brave piece , but not like me . O had I now your Manner , Maiesty , Might , Your power of handling , shadow , aire , & sprite , How I could draw , and take hold , and delight ! But you are he can Paint , I can but write , A Poet hath no more than blacke and white , Ne knowes he flattering Colours , or false Light . But when of friendship I would draw the face , A letter'd minde , and a large heart would place , To all posterity , I would write Burlase . B. Ionson . Upon my Picture left in Scotland . I Now thinke Love is rather deafe than blind , For else it could not bee That shee VVhom I adore so much , should so slight me , And cast my suit behind . I 'me sure my Language to her was as sweet , And every close did meet , In sentence of as subtle feet , As hath the wisest he , That sits in shadow of Apollo's tree . O but my conscious feares , that flie my thoughts between , Tells me that she hath seene My hundreds of gray haires , Told sixe and forty yeares , Read so much wast , as she could not imbrace My Mountaine belly , and my Rocky face . And all these through her eyes have stopt her eares . B. Jonson . On a Gentlewoman , working by an Houre-Glasse . DOe but consider this small dust , Here running in the Glasse , By Atomes mov'd : VVould you beleeve that it the body was Of one that lov'd ? And in his Mistris flames , playing like a Flye , VVas turned into Cynders by her eye ? Yes ; as in life , so in their deaths unblest : A Lovers ashes never can find rest . B. I. To the Ladies of the Court . An Ode . COme Noble Nymphes , and doe not hide The ioyes for which you so provide ; If not , to mingle with us men VVhat doe you here ? goe home agen : Your dressings doe confesse , By what we see , so curious Arts , Of Pallas , and Arachnes Arts , That you could meane no lesse . VVhy doe you weare the Silke-wormes toyles ? Or glory in the Shell-fish spoyles ? Or strive to shew the graines of Ore , That you have gathered long before , VVhereof to make a stocke , To graft the greene Emrald on , Or any better water'd Stone , Or Ruby of the Rocke ? Why doe you smell of Ambergreece ? Whereof was formed Neptunes Neece , The Queen of Love , unlesse you can , Like Sea-borne Venus , love a man ? Try , put your selves unto 't : Your lookes , your smiles , and thoughts that meet : Ambrosian hands , and silver feet , Doe promise you will do 't . B. J. A Sonnet . THough I am young , and cannot tell Either what Death , or Love is well , Yet I have heard they both beare Darts , And both doe aime at humane hearts . And then againe I have beene told , Love wounds with heat , and death with cold , So that I feare they doe but bring Extreams , to touch and meane one thing . As in a ruine we it call , One thing to be blowne up and fall , Or to our end like way may have By a flash of lightning , or a wave : So Loves inflamed shaft , or band , Will kill as soone as Deaths cold hand : Except Loves fires the vertue have To Mr. Ionson . BEn : the world is much in debt , & though it may Some petty reck'nings to small Poets pay : Pardon if at thy glories Summe they stick , Being too large for their Arithmaticke . If they could prize the genius of a Scene , The learned sweat that makes a language cleane , Or understand the faith of ancient skill , Drawn from the Tragicke , Comoecke , Lyricke , quill : The Greek and Roman denison'd by thee , And both made richer in thy Poetrie . This they may know , & knowing this stil grudge That yet they are not fit of thee to iudge . I prophesie more strength to after time , Whose ioy shall call this Isle the Poets clime , Because 't was thine , and unto thee return The borrowed flames , with which thy Muse shall burn . Then when the stocke of others Fame is spent , Thy Poetry shall keepe its owne old rent . Zouch Tounley . FINIS . COurteous Reader , some litterall faults are escaped , by oversight of the Correcter to the Presse , which I entreat thee to mend with thy Pen as thou espyest them , which are these . PAge 1 : read might for mght , & least for lesse . P. 4. r. Tristrams for Tristeams . P. 5. r. who for when . P. 7. r. houses for horses . P. 16. r. hales for hals . P. 19. l. ult. r. Aromaticke for stromaticke . A04637 ---- B. Ion: his part of King Iames his royall and magnificent entertainement through his honorable cittie of London, Thurseday the 15. of March. 1603 so much as was presented in the first and last of their triumphall arch's. With his speach made to the last presentation, in the Strand, erected by the inhabitants of the Dutchy, and Westminster. Also, a briefe panegyre of his Maiesties first and well auspicated entrance to his high Court of Parliament, on Monday, the 19. of the same moneth. With other additions. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1604 Approx. 78 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 29 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A04637 STC 14756 ESTC S109180 99844829 99844829 9675 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04637) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 9675) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 757:02) B. Ion: his part of King Iames his royall and magnificent entertainement through his honorable cittie of London, Thurseday the 15. of March. 1603 so much as was presented in the first and last of their triumphall arch's. With his speach made to the last presentation, in the Strand, erected by the inhabitants of the Dutchy, and Westminster. Also, a briefe panegyre of his Maiesties first and well auspicated entrance to his high Court of Parliament, on Monday, the 19. of the same moneth. With other additions. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [48]; [2], 13, [1] p. By V[alentine] S[immes and George Eld] for Edward Blount, Printed at London : 1604. B. Jon. = Ben Jonson. Mostly in verse. Printers' names from STC; "Simmes pr[inted]. only 1st A-B; Eld the rest". Signatures: pi² A-E⁴ F² ; A-B⁴. The first leaf is blank. "B.I his panegyre" has divisional title; register is continuous. "A particular entertainment of the Queene and Prince their Highnesse to Althrope" has separate divisional title and register, and is paginated. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng James -- I, -- King of England, 1566-1625. 2002-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-10 Rina Kor Sampled and proofread 2002-10 Rina Kor Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion B. ION : HIS PART OF King Iames his Royall and Magnificent Entertainement through his Honorable Cittie of London , Thurseday the 15. of March. 1603. So much as was presented in the first and last of their Triumphall Arch's . With his speach made to the last Presentation , in the Strand , erected by the inhabitants of the Dutchy , and Westminster . Also , a briefe Panegyre of his Maiesties first and well auspicated entrance to his high Court of Parliament , on Monday , the 19. of the same Moneth . With other Additions . Mart. Quando magis dignos licuit spectare triumphos . Printed at London by V. S. for Edward Blount , 1604. ❧ The Pegme at Fen-church PResented it selfe in a square and flat vpright , like to the side of a Citty : the top therof , aboue the Vent , and Crest , adorn'd with houses , towres , and steeples , set off in prospectiue . Vpon the Battlements in a great capitall Letters was inscribed , LONDINIVM : According to Tacitus : At Suetonius mir● constantia , medios inter hosteis Londinium perrexit , cognomento quiàem Coloniae non insigne , sed copia Negotiatorum , & commeatu maxime celebre . Beneath that , in a lesse and different Character , was written CAMERA REGIA Which Title immediately after the Norman Conquest it beganne to haue ; and by the indulgence of succeeding Princes , hath beene hitherto continued . In the Freeze ouer the gate , it seemeth to speake this verse : PAR DOMVS HAEC COELO , SED MINOR EST DOMINO . Taken out of Martiall , and implying , that though this Cittie ( for the state , and magnificence ) might ( by Hyporbole ) be saide to touch the starres , and reach vp to heauen , yet was it farre Inferior to the Maister thereof , who was his Maiestie ; and in that respect vnworthy to receiue him . The highest person aduaunc'd therein , was MONARCHIA BRITANNICA and fittely : applying to the aboue mentioned Title of the Citty , the Kings Chamber , and therefore heere placed as in the proper seate of the Empire : for , so the glorie and light of our Kingdome M. Camden , speaking of London , saieth , shee is , totius Britanniae Epitome , Britannicíque imperii sedes , Regúmque Angliae Camera , tantum inter ●mneis eminet , quantum ( vt ait ille ) inter viburna Cupressus . Shee was a woman richly attir'd in cloth of golde and tissue ; a rich mantle ; ouer her state twoo Crownes hanging , with pensile shieldes thorow them ; the one lim'd with the particular Coate of England , the other of Scotland : on either side also a Crowne , with the like Scutchions , and peculiar Coats of France , & Ireland . In her hand she holdes a Scepter ; on her head a fillet of gold , inter-wouen with Palme & Lawrel ; her haire bound into foure seuerall points , descending from her Crownes ; & and in her lappe a little Globe , inscrib'd vpon ORBIS BRITANNICVS . And beneath , the word DIVISVS AB ORBE . To shew , that this Empire is a world diuided from the world , and alluding to that of* Clau. — Et nostro diducta Britannia mundo . And Virg. — Et penitus toto diuisos orbe Britannos . The wreathe denotes Victory and Happines . The Scepter & Crowns soueraignty . The Shieldes the precedency of the Countries and their distinctions . At her feete was set THEOSOPHIA , or Diuine wisdome , al in white , a blew mantle seeded with Stars , a crowne of Stars on hir head . Hir garments figur'd Truth , Innocence and Cleerenesse . She was alwayes looking vp ; in her one hand shee sustained a Doue , in the other a Serpent : the last to shew her Subtilty , the first her Simplicity ; alluding to that text of Scripture , Estote ergo prudentes sicut serpentes , & simplices sicut columbae . Her word , PER ME REGES REGNANT . Intimating , how by her , all Kings do gouerne , and that she is the foundation and strength of kingdomes , to which end , she was here placed , vpon a Cube , at the foote of the Monarchie , as her Base and stay . Directly beneath her stoode GENIVS VRBIS . A person attir'd rich , reuerend , and antique : his haire long and white , crowned with a wreathe of Plane tree , which is saide to be Arbor genialis ; his mantle of purple , and buskins of that colour : Hee held in one hand a Goblet , in the other a braunch full of little twigges , to signifie Increase and Indulgence : His word HIS ARMIS . pointing to the two that supported him , whereof the one on the right hand , was BOVLEVTES . Figuring the Councell of the Citty , and was suted in blacke and purple ; a wreathe of* Oake vppon his head ; sustaining for his ensignes , on his left arme a scarlet roabe , and in his right hand the * Fasces , as tokens of Magistracie , with this inscription ; SERVARE CIVES . The other on the left hand . POLEMIVS The warrelike force of the City , in an antique Coate , or Armour , with a Target and Sword ; his helme on , and crowned with Lawrell , implying Strength and Conquest : in his hand he bore the Standard of the Citty , with this word , EXTINGVERE ET HOSTEIS . Expressing by those seuerall Motts , connexed , that with those Armes of Councell and Strength , the Genius was able to extinguish the Kings enemies , and preserue his Citizens , alluding to those verses in Seneca , Extinguere hostem , maxima est virtus Ducis . Servare Cives , maior est patriae , patri . Vnderneath these , in an Aback thrust out before the rest lay TAMESIS . The Riuer , as running along the side of the City ; in a skinne made like flesh , naked , and blew . His mantle of sea-greene or water colour , thinne , and bolne out like a sayle ; Bracelets about his wreasts , of willow and sedge , a crowne of sedge and reede vpon his head , mixt with water-lillies ; alluding to Virgills description of Tiber ; — Deus ipse loci , fluvie Tyberinus amoeno , Populeas inter senior se att●llere frondes Visus . cum tenuis glauco velabat amictu Carbasus . & crineis vmbrosa tegebat Arundo . His beard , and haire long , and ouergrowne . He leanes his arme vpon an earthen pot , out of which , water , with liue Fishes , are seene to runne forth , and play about him . His word , FLVMINA SENSERVNT IPSA . A Hemistich of Ouids : The rest of the verse being , quid esset amor . Affirming , that Riuers themselues , and such inanimate Creatures , haue heeretofore beene made sensible of Passions , and Affections ; and that hee , nowe , no lesse pertooke the ioy of his Maiesties gratefull approach to this Citty , than any of those persons , to whome he pointed , which were the daughters of the Genius , and sixe in number : who , in a spreading ascent , vpon seuerall grices , help to beautifie both the sides . The first , EVPHROSYNE , or Gladnes : was suted in greene , a mantle of diuers colors , embroydred with all varietie of floures : on her head a Gyrland of Myrtle , in her right hand a cristall Cruze filld with wine , in the left a Cup of golde : at her feete a Tymbrell , Harpe , and other Instruments , all ensignes of gladnesse , Natis in vsum laetitiae scyphis , &c. And in another place , Nunc est bibendum , nunc pede libero Pulsanda Tellus , &c. Her word . HAEC AEVI MIHI PRIMA DIES . As if this were the first houre of her life , and the minute wherein she beganne to be ; beholding so long coueted , and look'd for a presence . The second . SEBASIS . or Veneratio , was varied in an ashe colour'd sute , and darke mantle , a vayle ouer her head of ash-colour : her hands crost before her , and her eyes halfe closde : Her word : MIHI SEMPER DEVS . Implying both her office of reuerence , and the dignity of her obiect , who being as God on earth , should neuer be lesse in her thought : The third : PROTHYMIA . or Promptitude , was attir'd in a short tuckt garment of flame-colour , wings at her backe ; her hayre bright , & bound vp with ribands ; her breast open , virago-like ; hir buskins so ribanded : She was crowned with a Chaplet of Trifoly , to expresse readines , and opennesse euery way ; in her right hand shee held a squirrell , as being the creature most full of life and quicknesse : in the left a close round Censor , with the perfume sodainely to be vented forth at the sides . Her word : QVA DATA PORTA . Taken from an other place in Virgill where Eolus at the command of Iuno letts forth the winde ; — ac venti velut agmine facto Qua data p●rta ruunt , & terras turbine perflant . And shew'd that shee was no lesse prepar'd with promptitude , and alacrity , then the windes were , vpon the least Gate that shall be opened to his high commaund . The fourth AGRYPNIA . or Vigilance , in yellow , a sable mantle , seeded with waking eies , and siluer fringe : her Chaplet of Heliotropium , or Turnsole ; in her one hand a Lampe , or Cresset , in her other a Bell. The Lampe signified search and sight , the Bell warning . The Heliotropium care ; and respecting her obiect . Her word SPECVLAMVR IN OMNEIS . Alluding to that of Ouid , where he describes the office of Argus , — Ipse pr●cul mon●is sublime cacumen Occupat , vnde sedens partes speculatur in omneis . and implying the like duety of care and vigilance in her selfe . The fifth AGAPE . Or louing Affection , in Crimson fringed with golde , a mantle of flame-colour , her Chaplet of red and white roses ; in her hand a flaming heart : The flame expressed zeale , the red and white roses , a mixture of Simplicity with Loue : her robes freshnes and feruency . Her word , NON SIC EXCVBIAE . Out of Claudian , in following — Nec circumstantia peila — Quàm tutatur amor . Inferring , that though her Sister before had protested watchfulnes , & circumspection , yet no watch or guard could be so safe to the estate , or person of a Prince , as the loue and naturall affection of his Subiects : which she in the Citties behalfe promised . The sixt , OMOTHYMIA . Or Vnanimity in blew , her roabe blew , and buskins . A Chaplet of blew lillies , shewing one trueth and intirenesse of minde . In her lappe lies a sheafe of arrowes bound together , and she her selfe sittes weauing certaine small siluer twists . Her word , FIRMA CONSENSVS FACIT . Auxilia humilia firma , &c. Intimating , that euen the smallest and weakest aydes , by consent , are made strong : herselfe personating the vnanimity , or consent of Soule , in all inhabitants of the Citty to his seruice . ¶ These are all the personages , or liue figures , whereof onely two were Speakers ( Genius and Tamesis ) the rest were Mutes . Other dumbe complements there were , as the Armes of the Kingdome on the one side , with this Inscription . HIS VIREAS . With these maist thou flourish . On the other side the Armes of the City , with HIS VINCAS . With these maist thou conquer . In the centre , or midst of the Pegme , there was an Aback , or Square , wherein this Elogie was written . Maximus hic Rex est , & lucc serenior ipsa Principe quae talem cernit in vrbe Ducem ; Cuiu● Fortunam superat sic vnica Virtus , Vnus vt is reliquos vincit vtrâque viros . Praeceptis alii populos , multâque fatigant Lege ; sed exemplo nos rapit ille suo . Cuique frui totâ fas est vxore marito , Et sua fas simili pignora nosse pa●ri . Ecce vbi pignoribus circumstipata coruscis It comes , & tanto vix minor ANNA viro. Haud metus est , Regem posthac ne proximus Hares , Neu Successorem non amet ille suum . This , and the whole frame , was couered with a curtaine of silke , painted like a thicke cloude , and at the approach of the K. was instantly to bee drawne . The Allegory being , that those cloudes were gathered vpon the face of the Citty , through their long want of his most wished fight : but now , as at the rising of the Sunne , all mistes were dispersed and fled . When sodainely vpon silence made to the Musikes , a voyce was heard to vtter this verse ; Totus adest oculis , aderat qui mentibus olim , Signifying that hee now was really obiected to their eyes , who before had beene only , but still , present in their mindes . ¶ Thus farre the complementall parte of the first ; wherein was not only labored the expression of State and Magnificence ( as proper to a triumphall Arch ) but the very Site , Fabricke , Strength , Policie , Dignitie and Affections of the Cittie were all laide downe to life : The nature , and propertie of these Deuises being , to present alwaies some one entire body , or figure , consisting of distinct members and eache of those expressing it selfe , in the owne actiue spheare , yet all , with that generall harmony so connexed , and disposed , as no one little parte can be missing to the illustration of the whole : where also is to be noted , that the Symboles vsed , are not , neither ought to be simply Hierogliphickes , Emblemes , or Imprese , but a mixed Character , pertaking somwhat of all , and peculierly apted to these more magnificent Inuentions : wherein the Garments , and Ensignes deliuer the nature of the person , and the Word the present office . Neither was it becomming , or could it stand with the dignity of these shewes ( after the most miserable & desperate shift of the Puppits ) to require a Truch-man , or ( with the ignorant Painter ) one to write . This is a Dog ; or , This is a Hare : but so to be presented , as vpon the view they might without cloude , or obscurity declare themselves to the sharpe and learned : And for the multitude , no doubt but their grounded iudgements gazed , said it was fine , and were satisfied . The speeches of Gratulation . GENIVS . TIme , Fate , and Fortune have at length conspir'd , To giue our Age the day so much desir'd . What all the minutes , houres , weekes , months , and yeares , That hang in file vpon these siluer haires , Could not produce , beneath the a Brittane stroke , The Roman , Saxon , Dane , and Norman a yoke , This point of Time hath done . Now London reare Thy forehead high , and on it striue to weare Thy choisest Gems ; Teach thy steepe Towres to rise Higher with people : Set with sparkling eies Thy spacious windowes ; and in euery streete , Let thronging Ioy , Loue , and Amazement meete . Cleaue all the ayre with show●es , and let the cry Strike through as long , and vniuersally As Thunder ; For , thou now art blist to see That sight , for which thou didst beginne to bee . When b Brutus plough first gaue thee infant boūds , And I , thy GENIVS walk't auspicious rounds In euery c furrow ; Then did I forelooke , And saw this day d mark't white in e Clotho's booke . The seuerall f Circles , both of change and sway , Within this Isle , there also figur'd lay : Of which the greatest , perfectest , and last Was this , whose present happinesse we taste . Why keep you silence Daughters ? What dull peace Is this inhabites you ? Shall Office cease Vpon th' aspect of him , to whom you owe More then you are , or can be ? Shall TIME knowe That Article , wherein your flame stoode still , And not aspir'd ? Now heauen auert an ill Of that blacke looke . Ere pause possesse your breasts I wish you more of plagues : " Zeale when it rests , Leaues to be Zeale . Vp thou tame RIVER , wake ; And from thy liquid limbes this slumber s●ake : Thou drown'st thy selfe in inofficious sleepe ; And these thy sluggish waters seeme to creepe , Rather than flow . Vp , rise , and swell with pride Aboue thy bankes . " Now is not euery Tyde . TAMESIS . TO what vaine end should I contend to show My weaker powres , when Seas of pompe o'reflow The Citties face : and couer all the shore With sands more rich than a Tagus wealthy ore ? When in the flood of Ioy , that comes with him , He drownes the world ; yet makes it liue and swimme , And spring with gladnesse : Not my fishes heere , Though they be dumbe , but doe expresse the cheere Of these bright streames . No lesse may b These , and I Boast our delights , albe't we silent lie . GENIVS . INdeede , true Gladnesse doth not alwayes speake : Ioy bred , and borne but in the tongue , is weake . Yet ( lest the feruor of so pure a flame As this my Citty beares , might loose the name , Without the apt euenting of her heate ) Know greatest IAMES ( and no lesse good , than great . ) In the behalfe of all my vertuous Sonnes , Whereof my a eldest there , thy pompe forerunnes , ( A Man without my flattring , or his Pride , As worthy , as hee 's b blest to be thy guide ) In his graue name , and all his Brethrens right , ( Who thirst to drinke the Nectar of thy sight ) The Councell , Commoners , and Multitude ; ( Glad , that this day so long deny'd , is viewd ) I tender thee the heartiest welcome , yet That euer King had to his c Empires seate : Neuer came man , more long'd for , more desir'd : And being come , more reuerenc'd , lou'd , admir'd : Heare , and record it : In a Prince it is No little vertue , to know who are his . * With like deuotions , doe I stoope t' embrace This springing glory of thy d Godlike race ; His Countries Wonder , Hope , Loue , Ioy and Pride : How well dooth he become the royall side Of this erected , and broade spreading Tree , Vnder whose shade , may Brittane euer be . And from this branch , may thousand branches more Shoote or'e the Maine , and knit with euery shore In ●onds of Marriage , Kinred , and Increase ; And stile this Land , the a Nauill of their peace . This is your Seruants wish , your Citties vow , Which still shall propagate it selfe , with you ; And free from spurres of Hope , that slow mindes moue : He seekes no hire , that owes his life to Loue. And heere she comes that is no lesse a part In this dayes greatnesse , then in my glad heart . Glory of Queenes , and b Glory of your Name , Whose Graces doe as farre out-speake your Fame , As Fame doth silence , when her Trumpet rings You c Daughter , Sister , Wife of seuerall Kings : Besides Alliance , and the stile of Mother , In which one Title you drowne all your other . Instance , be d that faire shoote , is gone before Your eldest Ioy , and top of all your store , With those , whose sight to vs is yet deni'd , But not our zeale to them , or ought beside This Citty can to you : For whose estate Shee hopes you will be still good Aduocate To her best Lord. So , whilst you mortall are , No taste of sower mortalitie once dare Approach your house ; nor Fortune greete your Grace But comming on , and with a forward face . THE OTHER AT TEMPLE BARRE . CArried the frontispice of a Temple , the Wals of which and Gates were Brasse ; the Pillers Siluer , their Capitals and Bases Golde : in the highest point of all was erected a Ianus head , and ouer it written . IANO QVADRIFRONTI SACRVM . Which title of Quadrifrons is said to be giuen him , as he respecteth all Climates , and filles all parts of the world with his Maiestie ; which Martiall would seeme to allude vnto in that Hendicasillable , Et linguâ pariter locutus omni . Others haue thought it by reason of the foure Elements , which brake out of him , being Chaos : for Ouid is not afraide to make Chaos and Ianus the same , in those verses Me Chaos antiqui ( nam sum res prisca ) vocabant : Adspice , &c. ●● PLVTVS . or Wealth , a little boy , bare headed , his locks curled , and spangled with golde , of a fresh aspect , his body almost naked , sauing some rich robe cast ouer him ; in his armes a heape of gold Ingots to expresse riches , whereof he is the God : Beneath her feete lay ENYALIVS . or Mars , Groueling , his armour scattered vpon him in seuerall peeces , and sundrie sortes of weapons broken about him , her word to all was VNA TRIVMPHIS IN NVMERIS POTIOR . pax optima rerum Quas homini nouisse datum est , pax vna Triumphis Innumeris potior . signifieng that peace alone was better , and more to be coueted then innumerable Tryumphes , besides , vpon the right hand of her , but with some little descent , in a Hemicycle was seated ESYCHIA . or Quie● , the first handmaid of peace ; A woman of a graue and venerable aspect , attired in black , vpon her head an artificiall nest , out of which appeared Storkes heads to manifest a sweete repose . Her feete were placed vpon a Cube , to shewe stability , and in her lappe shee held a Perpendicular or leuell , as the ensigne of Euennesse and Rest ; on the top of it sate a Halcion or Kings-fisher . She had lying at her feete TARACHE . or Tumult , in a garment of diuers , but darke coulers , her haire wilde , and disordered , a fowle and troubled face , about her laye staues , swordes , ropes , chaines , hammers , stones , and such like to expresse Turmoile . The word was PERAGIT TRANQVILLA POTESTAS . Claud. Quod violent a nequit : mandat aque fortius vrget Imperiosa quies . To shewe the benefits of a calme and facile power , being able to effect in a state that , which no violence can . On the other , side the second handmaide , was ELEVTHERIA . or Libertie , her dressing white , & som-what antique but loose and free ; her haire flowing downe her backe , and shoulders : In her right hand shee bare a Club , on her left a Hat , the Characters of freedom , and power : At her feete a Catt was placed , the creatrue most affecting , and expressing libertie . She trode on Rauen , as the Augury of ill fortune : & the Soule was REDEVNT SATVRNIA REGNA . Out of Virgil , to shewe that nowe those golden times were returned againe , wherein Peace was with vs so aduannced , Rest receaued , Libertie restored , Safetie assured , and all Blessednesse appearing in euery of these vertues her perticular Triumphe ouer her opposite euill . This is the dumbe argument of the frame , and illustrated with this verse of Virgil , written in the vnder freeze . NVLLA SALVS BELLO PACEM TE POSSIMVS OMNES. The speaking parte was performed , as within the Temple where there was erected an Altar , to which at the approach of the K. appeares the Flamen * MARTIALIS . And to him . GENIVS VRBIS . The Genius we attired before : To the Flamen wee appoint this habit . A long Crimson robe to witnesse his nobility , his typpet and sl●eues white as reflecting on purity in his religion , a rich mantle of gold with a traine to expresse the dignity of his function . Vpon his head a c Hat of delicate wooll , whose top ended in a Cone , and was thence called Apex , according to that of Lucan . lib. 1. Attollensque Apicem gen●roso vertice Flamen . This Apex was couered with a d fine net of yearne which they named Apiculum , & was sustained with a e bowd twigge of Pomgranat tree , it was also in the hot time of Summer to be bound with Ribands , and throwne behinde them as f Scaliger teacheth . In his hand hee bore a golden Censor with perfume , and censing about the Altar ( hauing first kindled his fier on the toppe ) is interrupted by the Genius . GENIVS . STay , what art thou , that in this strange attire , Darst kindle stranger , and vnhallowed fire Vpon this Altar ? FL. Rather what art thou That darst so rudely interrupt my vowe ? My habit speakes my name . GE. A Flamin ? FL. Yes , And a Martialis calld . GE. I so did gesse By my short view , but whence didst thou ascend Hither ? or how ? or to what mistick end ? FL. The noise , and present tumult of this Day , Rowsd me from sleepe , and silence , where I lay Obscur'd from light ; which when I wakt to see , I wondring thought what this great pompe might be . When ( looking in my Kalender ) I found The b Ides of Marche were entred , and I bound With these , to celebrate the Geniall feast Of c ANNA stil'd PERENNA , d MARS his guest ; Who , in this Moneth of his , is yearly call'd To banquet at his Altars ; and in stald ; e A Goddesse with him , since shee filles the Yeare , And f knits the oblique scarfe that girts the spheare . Whilest foure fac't IANVS turnes his g vernall looke Vpon their meeting howers , as if he tooke . High pride and pleasure . GE. Sure thou stil dost dreame , And both thy tongue , and thought rides on the streame Of Phantasy : Behold here Hee nor Shee , Haue any Altar , Fane , or Deity . Stoope ; read but this h inscription : and then veiwe To whome the Place is consecrate . T is trew That this is IANVS Temple , and that nowe He turnes vpon the Yeare his freshest browe ; That this is MARS his moneth ; and these the Ides , Wherein his ANNE was honourd ; Both the Tides , Titles , and Place , wee knowe : But these dead rites Are long since buried , and newe power excites More highe and hartie flames . Loe , there is hee , Who brings with him a i greater ANNE then shee : Whose strong and potent vertues haue k defac'd Sterne MARS his Statues , and vpon them plac'd His , l and the worlds blest blessings : This hath brought Sweete Peace to sit in that bright state she ought Vnbloodie , or vntroubled ; hath forc'd hence All tumults , feares , or other darke portents That might inuade weake mindes ; hath made men see Once more the face of welcome Liberty : And doth ( in all his present actes ) restore That first pure world , made of the better Ore. Now Innocence shall cease to be the spoile Of rauenous Greatnesse , or to steepe the soile Of raised Pesantrie with teares , and bloud ; No more shall rich men ( for their little good ) Suspect to be made guiltie ; or vile Spies Enioye the lust of their so murdring eyes : Men shall put off their Yron mindes , and hearts ; The Time forget his olde malicious artes With this new minute ; and no print remaine Of what was thought the former ages staine . Back FLAMIN , with thy superstitious fumes , And cense not heere ; Thy ignorance presumes Too much , in acting any Ethnick rite In this translated Temple : Heere no wight , To sacrifice , saue my deuotion comes , That brings insteed of those thy m Masculine gummes . My Citties heart ; which shall for euer burne Vpon this Altar , and no Time shall turne The same to ashes : Heere I fixe it fast , Flame bright , flame high , and may it euer last . Whilest I , before the figure of thy Peace , Still tend the fire ; and giue it quick increase With praiers , wishes , vowes ; whereof be these The least , and weakest : that no Age may leese The Memory of this so rich a daye ; But rather , that it henceforth yearely may Begin our Spring and with our spring the prime , And n first accompt of Yeares , of Months , o of Time : And may these Ides as fortunate appeare To thee , as they to p Caesar fatall were . Be all thy Thoughts borne perfect , and thy Hopes In their euents still crownd beyond their scopes . Let not wide Heauen that secret blessing know To giue , which shee on thee will not bestow . Blind Fortune be thy slaue ; and may her store ( The lesse thou seek'st it ) follow thee the more . Much more I would : but see , these brazen Gates Make hast to close , as vrged by thy Fates ; Here ends my Cities office , here it breakes : Yet with my tongue , and this pure heart , she speakes A short farewell ; and lower then thy feete , With feruent thankes , thy royall paines doth greete . Pardon , if my abruptnesse breed disease ; He merits not t' offend , that hastes to please . Ouer the Alter was written this Inscription : D. I. O. M. BRITANNI ARVM . IMP. PACIS . VINDICI . MARTE . MAIORI . P. P. F. S. AVGVSTO . NOVO. GENTIVM . CONIVNCTARVM . NVMINI . TVTELARI . D. A. CONSERVATRICI . ANNAE . IPSAE . PERENNAE . DEABVSQVE . VNIVERSIS . OPTATIORI . SVI FORTVNATISSIMI . THALAMI . SOCIAE . ET CONSORTI . PVLCHERIMAE . AVGVSTISSIMAE . ET H. F. P. FILIO . SVO . NOBILISSIMO . OB. ADVENTVM . AD VRBEM . HANC . SVAM . EXPECTATISSIMVM . GRATISSIMVM . CELEBRATISSIMVM . CVIVS . NON . RADII . SED SOLES . POTIVS . FVNESSIMAM . NVPER . AERIS . INTEMPERIEM . SERENARVNT S. P. Q. L. VOTIS. X. VOTIS. XX. ARDENTISSIMIS . L. M. HANC . ARAM. P. And vpon the Gate being shut , IMP. IACOBVS MAX. CAESAR AVG. P. P. PACE POPVLO BRITANNICO TERRA MARIQVE PARTA IANVM CLVSIT . S. C. THus hath both Court-Towne-and Countrey-Reader , our portion of deuise for the Cittie ; neither are we ashamed to professe it , being assured well of the difference betweene it and Pageantry . If the Mechanick part yet standing , giue it any distaste in the wrye mouthes of the Time , we pardon them ; for their owne ambitious ignorance doth punish them inough . From hence we will turne ouer a new leafe with you , and lead you to the Pegme in the Strand , a worke thought on , begun , and perfected in twelue dayes . THe Inuention was a Raine-bow , the Moone , Sunne , and those seauen Starres , which antiquitie hath stil'd the Pleiades , or Vergiliae , aduanced betweene two Magnificent Pyramid's of 70. foote in height , on which were drawne his Maiesties seuerall pedigrees Eng. and Scot. To which body ( being framd before ) we were to apt our soule . And finding that one of these seauen lights , Electra , is rarely or not at all to be seene , ( as Ouid. lib. 4. Fast. affirmeth . Pleiades incipient humeros releuare paternos : Quae septem dici , sex tamen esse solent . And by and by after , Siue quòd Electra Troiae spectare ruinas Non tulit : aute oculos opposuitque manum . And Festus Auien. Fama vetus septem memor at genitore creatas Longaeuo : sex se rutila inter sider a tantùm Sustollunt , &c. And beneath — cerni sex solas carmine Mynthes Asserit : Electram coelo abscessisse profundo , &c. ) We ventred to follow this authoritie ; and made her the speaker : presenting her hanging in the ayre , in figure of a Comet ; according to Anonymus . Electra non sustinens videre casum pronepotum sugerit ; vnde & illam disso lutis crinibus prop●er luctum ire asserunt , et propter comas quidam Cometen appellant . The speach . Electra . THe long a Laments , I spent for ruin'd Troy , Are dried ; and now mine eyes run teares of Ioy. No more shall men suppose Electra dead , Though from the consort of her sisters fled Vnto the b Arctick circle , here to grace , And guild this day with her c serenest Face ▪ And see , my d daughter Iris hasts to throw Her Rose at wings , in compasse of a bow , About our state , as e signe of my approch● Attracting to her seate from f Mithras coach , A thousand different , and particular hewes , Which shee throughout her body doth diffuse . The Sunne , as loath to part from this halfe spheare , Stands still ; and Phoebe labors to appeare In all as bright ( if not as rich ) as hee : And , for a note of more serenity , My sixe g faire Sisters hether shift their lights ; To do this hower the vtmost of her Rites . Where least the captious , or prophane might doubt , How these cleare heauenly bodyes come about All to be seene at once ; yet neithers light Eclips'd , or shadow'd by the others sight : Let Ignorance know , great King , this Day is thine , And doth admit no Night ; but all do shine As well nocturnall , as diurnall fiers , To adde vnto the flame of our desiers . Which are ( now thou hast closd vp h IANVS gates , And giu'n so generall peace to all estates ) That no offensiue mist , or cloudie staine May mixe with splendor of thy golden raigne ; But , as th' ast free'd thy i Chamber , from the noyse Of Warre and Tumult ; thou wilt powre those ioyes Vpon k this Place , which claimes to be l the Seate Of all thy Kingly race : the Cabinet To all thy Counsels ; and the iudging Chayre To this thy speciall Kingdome . Whose so faire And wholsome Lawes , in euery Court , shall striue By Aequity , and their first Innocence to thriue ; The base and guiltie bribes of guiltier men Shall be throwne back , and Iustice looke , as when She lou'd the earth , and feard not to be sold For that , m which worketh all things to it , Gold. The Dam of other euils , Auarice Shall here lock downe her Iawes , and that rude vice Of ignorant , and pittied Greatnesse , Pride , Decline with shame ; Ambition now shall hide Her face in dust , as dedicate to sleepe , That in great Portalls wont her watch to keepe . All ills shall flie the light : Thy Court be free No lesse from Enuie , then from Flatterie ; All Tumult , Faction , and harsh Discord cease , That might perturbe the musique of thy Peace : The querulous Nature shall no longer finde Roome for his Thoughts : One pure concent of minde Shall flowe in euery brest , and not the Ayre , Sunne , Moone , or Starres shine more serenely faire . This from that lowd , blest Oracle , I sing Who here , and first pronounc'd , thee Brittaines King Long maist thou liue , and see me thus appeare , As omenous n a Comet , from my Spheare , Vnto thy raigne ; as that o did auspicate So lasting glory to Augustus state . The end . B. I. HIS PANEGYRE . On the happie entrance of IAMES our Soueraigne to his first high Session of Parliament in this his Kingdome the 19. of March. 1603. Mart. Licet toto nunc Helicone frui . A PANEGYRE . HEau'n now not striues , alone , our brests to fill With Ioyes : but vrgeth his full fauors still . Againe , the Glory of our Westerne world Vnfolds himselfe : and from his Eies are hoorl'd , ( To day ) a thousand radiant lights , that streame To euery nooke , and angle of his realme . His former raies , did only cleare the skie ; But these his searching beames are cast , to prie Into those darke , and deepe concealed vaults , Where men commit black incest with their faults ; And snore supinely in the stall of Sinne : Where Murder , Rapine , Lust , do sit within Carow●ing humane blood , in iron bowles , And make their Den the slaughter house of soules : From whose foule reeking cauernes first arise Those dampes , that so offend all good mens eies ; And would ( if not dispers'd ) infect the Crowne , And in their vapor her bright Mettall drowne . To this so cleare , and sanctified an end , I saw , when reuerend TH●MIS did descend Vpon his state ; let downe in that rich chaine , That fastneth heauenly power to earthly raigne : Beside her , stoup't on either hand , a Mayd , Faire DICE , and EVNOMIA ; who were said To be her daughters : and but faintly knowne On Earth , till now , they came to grace his throne . Her third , IRENE , help'd to beare his traine ; And in her office vow'd shee would remaine , Till forraine Malice , or vnnaturall spight ( Which Fates auert ) should force her frō her right . With these he pas'd , and with his peoples hearts Breath'd in his way ; and Soules ( their better parts ) Hasting to follow forth in shouts , and cries . Vpon his face all threw their couetous eyes , As on a Wonder ; Some amazed stood , As if they felt , but had not knowne their good : Others would faine haue shew'n it in their words , But , when their speach so poore a helpe affords Vnto their zeales expression ; They are mute : And only with red silence him salute . Some cry from tops of houses , thinking noise The fittest Herald to proclame true ioyes ; Others on ground runnes gazing by his side , All , as vnwearied , as vnsatisfied : And euery Windore greiu'd it could not moue Along with him , and the same trouble proue . They , that had seene , but foure short daies before , His gladding looke , now long'd to see it more . And as of late , when he through London went , The amorous Citty spar'd no ornament , That might her beauties heighten ; but so drest As our Ambitious Dames , when they make feast , And would be courted : so this Towne put on Her brightest tire ; and in it aequall shone , To her great Sist●r : saue that Modesty , Her Place , and Yeares gaue her precedency . The Ioy of either was alike , and full ; No Age , nor Sexe so weake , or strongly dull , That did not beare a part in this concent Of Hearts , and Voices . All the Aire was rent , As with the murmure of a moouing wood ; The ground beneath did seeme a mouing floud Walls , windores , roofes , towers , steeples , al were set With seuerall eyes , that in this obiect met . Old men were glad , their Fates till now did last ; And Infants , that the howers had made such hast To bring them forth : Whilst riper ag'd , and apt To vnderstand the more , the more were rap't . This was the Peoples Loue , with which did striue The Nobles zeale , yet either kept aliue The others flame , as doth the Wike and Waxe That frendly temperd one pure Taper makes . Meane while , the reuerend Themis drawes aside The Kings obeying will , from taking pride In these vaine stirres , and to his mind suggests How he may triumph in his subiects brests , With better pompe . She tells him first , that Kings Are here on earth the most conspicuous Things : That they , by Heauen , are plac'd vpon his throne , To rule like Heauen ; & haue no more , their owne , As they are Men , then Men. That all they doe Though hid at home , abroad is search'd into : And , being once found out , discouer'd lies Vnto as many Enuies , there , as Eyes . That Princes , since they know it is their Fate , Oft-times , to haue the secrets of their state Betraid to Fame , should take more care , and feare In publique Acts what face and forme they beare . She then remembred to his thought , the Place Where he was going ; and the vpward race Of Kings , praeceding him in that high Court ; Their Lawes , their Endes ; the Men she did report : and all so iustly , as his Eare was ioy'd To heare the Truth , from spight , or flattery voyd . She shewd him , who made wise , who honest Acts ; Who both , who neither : all the cunning tracts , And thriuing statutes she could promptly note ; The bloody , base , and barbarous she did quote ; Where Lawes were made to serue the Tyran ' will ; Where sleeping they could saue , and waking kill ; Where Acts gaue Licence to impetuous lust● To bury Churches , in forgo●ten dust , And with their ruines raise the Pandars Bowers : When , publique Iustice borrow'd all her Powers From priuate Chambers ; that could then create Lawes , Iudges , Consellors , yea Prince , and State. All this she told , and more , with bleeding Eyes ; For Right is as compassionate as wise . Nor did he seeme their vices so to loue , As once defend , what THEMIS did reproue . For though by Right , and b●nefite of Times , He ownde their Crowns , he would not so their crimes . He knew that Princes , who had sold their Fame To their voluptuous lustes , had lost their Name ; And that no wretch was more vnblest then he , Whose necessary good t' was now to be An euill King : And so must such be still , Who once haue got the habit to doe ill . One wickednesse another must defend ; For Vice is safe , while she hath Vice to friend . He knew , that those , who would , with loue , command , Must with a tender ( yet a stedfast ) hand Sustayne the raynes , and in the checke forbeare To offer cause of Iniurie , or Feare . That Kings , by their example , more do sway Then by their Power ; and men do more obay When they are lead , then when they are compell'd . In all these knowing Artes our Prince excell'd . And now the Dame had dried her dropping eyne , When , like an April Iris , flew her shine About the streetes , as it would force a spring From out the stones , to gratulate the King. She blest the People , that in shoales did swim To heare her speech ; which still began in him And ceas'd in them . She told them , what a Fate Was gently falne from Heauen vpon this State ; How deare a Father they did now enioy That came to saue , what Discord would destroy : And entring with the power of a King , The Temp'rance of a priuate Man did bring . That wan affections , ere his steps wan ground ; And was not hot , or couetous to be crown'd Before mens hearts had crown'd him . Who ( vnlike Those greater bodies of the sky , that strike The lesser fiers dim ) in his accesse Brighter then all , hath yet made no one lesse ; Though many greater : and the most , the best . Wherein , his Choise was happie with the rest Of his great actions , first to see , and do What all mens wishes did aspire vnto . Hereat , the People could no longer hold Their bursting ioyes ; but through the ayre was rol'd The length'ned showt , as when th' Artillery Of Heauen is discharg'd along the sky : And this Confession flew from euery voyce . Neuer had Land more reason to reioyce . Nor to her blisse , could ought now added bee , Saue , that she might the same perpetuall see : Which when Time , Nature , and the Fates deny'd , With a twice lowder showte aga●ne they cry'd . Yet , let blest Brittaine aske ( without your wrong ) Still to haue such a King , and this King long . Solus Rex , & Poëta non quotannis nascitur . A PARTICVLAR ENTERTAINment of the QVEENE and PRINCE their Highnesse to Althrope , at the Right Honourable the Lord SPENCERS , on Saterday being the 25. of Iune 1603. as they came first into the Kingdome ; being written by the same Author , and not before published . THe Inuention was , to haue a Satyre lodged in a little Spinet , by which her Maiestie , and the Prince were to come , who ( at the report of certaine Cornets that were diuided in seuerall places of the Parke , to signifie her approach ) aduanced his head aboue the toppe of the wood , wondering , and ( with his Pipe in his hand ) began as followeth . SATIRE . HEre ? there ? and euery where ? Some solemnities are neare , That these changes strike mine eare . My Pipe and I a part shall beare . And after a short straine with his Pipe ; againe . Looke , see ; ( beshrew this Tree , ) What may all this wonder be ? Pipe it , who that list for me : I 'le flie out abroade , and see . There hee leaped downe , and gazing the Queene and Prince in the face , went forward . That is Cyparissus face ! And the Dame hath Syrinx grace ! O that Pan were now in Place , Sure they are of heauenly race . Here he ranne into the wood againe , and hid himselfe whilst to the sound of excellent soft Musique that was there conceald in the thicket ; there came tripping vp the lawne , a Beuy of Faeries attending on Mab their Queene , who falling into an artificiall ring , that was there cut in the pathe , began to daunce a round , whilst their Mistresse spake as followeth . FA●RIE . Haile , and welcome worthiest Queene , Ioy had neuer perfect beene , To the Nimphes that haunt this Greene , Had they not this euening seene . Now they Print it on the Ground With their feete in figures round , Markes that will be euer found , To remember this glad stound . The Satyre peeping out of the bush , said . Trust her not you bonny-bell , Shee will forty leasinges tell , I doe know her pranks right well , FA●RIE . Satyre , wee must haue a spell , For your tongue , it runnes to fleete . SATYRE . Not so nimbly as your feete , When about the creame-boules sweete . You , and all your Elues do meete . Here hee came hopping forth , and mixing himselfe with the Faeries skipped in , out , and about their Circle , while the Elues made many offers to catch at him . This is Mab the mistresse-Faerie , That doth nightly rob the Dairie , And can hurt , or helpe the cherning , ( As shee please ) without discerning . ELFE. Pug , you will anone take warning ? Shee , that pinches countrey wenches , If they rub not cleane their benches , And with sharper Nailes remembers , When they rake not vp their Embers : But if so they chaunce to feast her In a shooe she drops a tester . ELFE. Shall we strip the skipping Iester ? This is shee , that empties Cradles , Takes out Children , puts in Ladles : Traines forth Midwiues in their slumber , With a siue the holes to number . And then leads them , from her Borroughs Home through Ponds , and water furrows . ELFE. Shall not all this mocking stir vs ? Shee can start our Franklins daughters , In their sleepe , with shrikes , and laughters , And on sweet Saint Anne's Night , Feed them with a promisd sight , Some of husbands , some of Louers , Which an empty dreame discouers . ELFE. Satyre , vengeance neere you houers , And in hope that you would come here Yester-eue the Lady * Summer , She inuited to a Banpuet : But ( in sooth ) I con you thanke yet , That you could so well deceiue her Of the pride which gan vp-heaue her : And ( by this ) would so haue blowne her , As no wood-god should haue known her . Heere he skipped into the Wood. ELFE. Mistres , this is onely spight : For you would not yester-night Kisse him in the Cock-shoutlight : And came againe , SATIRE . By Pan , and thou hast hit it right . There they layd hould on him , and nipt him , FAERY● Fai●ies , pinch him black and blew , Now you haue him 〈◊〉 him rue : SATIR●● O , hold , Mab : I sue . ELFE. Nay , the Deuill shall haue his due . There hee ran quite awaye and left them in a confusion while the Faery began againe , SATIRE . Pardon Lady this wild straine , Common with the Syluan traine . That do skip about this plaine : Elues , apply your Gyre againe . And whilst some do hop the ring , Some shall play , and some shall sing , Wee le expresse in euery thing , Oranas well-comming . SONG . THis is shee , This is shee , In whose world of Grace Euery Season , Person , Place , That receiue her , happie be , For with no lesse , Then * a Kingdomes happinesse , Doth shee priuate § Lares blesse , And ours aboue the rest : By how m●ch we deserue it least . Long line 〈◊〉 To exceed ( whom shee succeeds ) our late Diana . FAE●Y . Madame , now an end to make , Deigne a simple guift to take : Only for the Faeries sake , Who about you still shall wake . T is done only to supply , His suspected courtesy , Who ( since Thamyra did dye ) Hath not brookt a Ladyes eye , Nor allow'd about his place , Any of the female race . Only we are free to trace All his grounds , as he to chase . For which Bountie to vs lent , Of him vnknowledgde , or vnsent , We prepar'd this * Complement , And as farre from cheape intent , In particular to feede , Any hope that should succede . Or our glory by the deed , As your selfe are from the need . Vtter not ; we you implore , Who did giue it , nor wherefore , And when euer you restore Your selfe to vs , you shall haue more . Highest , happiest Queene farewell , But beware you do not tell . Here the Faeries hopt away in a fantastique daunce , when on a sodaine the Satyre discouered himselfe againe and came ●oorth . SATYRE . Not tell ? Ha , ha , I could smile , At this old , and toothlesse wile . ●●dy , I haue beene no sleeper , Shee belies the noble Keeper . Say , that heere he like the Groues : And pursue no ●●●raine Loues , Is he therefore to be deemed , Rude , or sau●dge ? or esteemed , But a sorry Entertainer , Cause he is no common strainer : After painted Nimphes for sauors , Or that in his Garbe he sauors Little of the nice●y , In the sprucer Courtiery ; As the Ros●●y of kisses , With the oath that neuer misses , This , Beleeue me on the brest , And then telling some mans iest , Thinking to preferre his wit , Equall with his suite by it , I meane his Clothes : No , no , no , Here doth no such humor flow . He can neither bribe a grace , Nor encounter my Lords face With a pliant smile , and flatter , Though this lately were some matter To the making of a Courtier . Now he hopes he shall resort there , Safer , and with more allowance ▪ Since a hand hath gouernance , That hath giuen those Customes chase , And hath brought his owne in place . O that now a wish could bring , The God-like person of a King , Then should euen Enuiefinde , Cause of wonder at the minde Of our Wood-man : But loe where His Kingly Image doth appeare , And is all this while neglected : Pardon ( Lord ) you are respected Deepe as is the Keepers hart , And as deere in euery part . See , for instance where he sends His Sonne , his Heire ; who humbly bends Lowe , as is his Fathers earth , To the wombe that gaue you birth : So he was directed first . Next to you , of whome the thirst Of seeing takes away the vse Of that part , should plead excuse For his boldnesse , which is lesse By his comlie shamfastnesse . Rise vp Sir , I will betray , All I thinke you haue to say ; That your Father giues you here , ( Freely as to him you were ) To the seruice of this Prince : And with you these Instruments Of his wilde and Sy●●an trade , Better not 〈◊〉 had . The Bow was Ph●ebas , and the horne , By Orion often worne : The Dog of Sparta breed , and good , As can ring within a Wood : Thence his name is : you shall trye How he hunteth instantly . But perhaps the Queene your mother , Rather doth affect some other Sport , as coursing : we will proue Which her Highnesse most doth loue . Satyres let the Woods refound , They shall haue their welcome crownd , With abrace of 〈◊〉 to ground . At that , the whole Wood and place re●ounded with the noise of Cornets , Hornes , and other Hunting Musique , and a brace of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 p●t out ; and as fortunately killd , as they were meant to be ; euen in the sight of her Maiesti● . This was the first Nights shew . Where the next day being Sunday , she rested , and on Monday , till after dinuer ; where there was a speach sodainly thought on , to induce a Morrise of the Clownes there about , who most officiouslie presented themselues , but by reason of the throng of the Countrey that came in , their Speaker could not be hard , who was in the person of No-body , to deliuer this following speach and attired in a paire of Breeches which were made to come vp to his neck , with his armes out at his pockets , and a Cap drowning his face . If my outside moue your Laughter , Pray Ioue , my inside be thereafter . Queene , Prince , Duke , Earles , Countesses ; you courtly Pearles : ( And , I hope no mortall sinne , If I put lesse Ladyes in ) Faire saluted bee you all . At this time it doth befall , We are the Huisher to a Morrise , ( A kind of Masque ) whereof good store is In the Countrey here about , But this , the choise of all the rout . Who because that no man sent them , Haue got No-body to present them . These are Things haue no suspicion Of their ill doing : nor Ambition , Of their well : but as the Pipe Shall inspire them , meane to skip . They come to see , and to bee seene , And though they dance afore the Queene , Ther 's none of these doth hope to come by Wealth , to build another Holmby : All those dauncing dayes are done , Men must now haue more then one Grace , to build their fortunes on , Else our soules would sure haue gone , All by this time to our feete . I not deny where Graces meete In a man , that quality Is a gracefull Property ? But when dauncing is his best , ( Beshrew me ) I suspect the rest . But I am No-body , and my Breath ( Soone as it is borne ) hath death . Come on Clownes forsake your dumps , And bestir your Ho●naild stumps , Do your worst , I le vndertake , Not a Ierke you haue shall make Any Lady here in Loue. Perhaps your Foole , or so , may moue Some Ladies woman with a Trick , And vpon it she may pick A paire of reuelling legs or two , Out of you with much a doe . But see the Hobby-horse is forgot . Foole it must bee your lot , To supplie his want with faces And some other Busson graces You know how ; Piper playe , And let no body hence away . There was also another parting speach , which was to haue been presented in the person of a youth , and accompained with diuerse Gentlemens yonger sonnes of the Countrey , but by reason of the Multitudinous presse , was also hindred . And which wee haue here adioyned . ANd will you then Mirror of Queenes depart ? Shall nothing stay you ? not my Masters heart That pants to leese the comfort of your light , And see his Day e●e it be old grow Night ? You are a Goddesse , and your will be done ; Yet this our last hope is , that as the Sunne Cheares obiects far remou'd , as well as neare , So where soe're you shine , you 'le sparkle here . And you deare Lord , on whome my couetous eye Doth feede it selfe but cannot satisfie , O shoote vp fast in spirit , as in yeares ; That when vpon her head proud Europe weares Her stateliest tire , you may appeare thereon The richest Gem without a paragon . Shine bright and fixed as the Artic●● starre : And when flow Time hath made you fit for war , Looke ouer the strict Ocean , and thinke where You may but leade vs forth , that grow vp here Against a day , when our officious swords Shall speake our action better then our words . Till then , all good euent conspire to crowne Your Parents hopes , our zeale , and your renowne . Peace , vsher now your steps , and where you come , Be Enuie still stroke blind , and Flattery dumbe . Thus much ( which was the least of the Entert●i●ement in respect of the reality , abondance , delicacie , and order of all things else ) to doe that seruiceable right , to his noble Friend , which his affection owes , and his Lordships merit may challenge , the Author hath sufferd to come out , and encounter Censure : and not here vnnecessarily adioyned , being performed to the same Queene & Prince ; who were no little part of these more labord and ●riumphall shewes . And to whose greatest part , he knowes the Ho. L. ( had he beene so blest as to haue seene him at his Lodge ) would haue stretcht in obseruance , though he could not in Loue or zeale . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A04637-e220 Annal. lib. 14. Camd. Bri● . 374. Lib. 8. Epig. 36 Brit. 367. De mallij Theodor. cons. Panegyri . Eclog. 1. Matth. 10. 16. Prou. 8. 15. Antiqui Genium omniū gignendarum rerum existimarūt Deum : et vrbib . quam hominib . vel caeteris rebus natū . Lil. Gre. Gy. in Synt. deor . 15. & Rosin . Antiq. Ro. lib. 2. cap. 14. Civica corona fit è fronde querna , quoniam cibus , victusque antiquissimus querceus capisolitus sit . Ros. libr. 10. cap. ●7 . * * ●ascicul● v●●garum , intra quas obligata securis erat , sic , vt ferrum in summo fasce extaret , Ros. lib. 7. cap. 3. vbi notandum est , non debere precipitem , & solutam iram esse magistratus . Mora enim allata , & cunctatio , dum sensim virgae solvuntur , identidem consilium mutauit deplect●ndo . Quando autem vitia quaedam sunt corrigibilia , deplorata alia ; castigant virgae , quod revocari valet , immendabile secures praecidunt . Plut. Prob. Rom. 82. Octa : Act : 2 Aen. lib. 8. Amor. lib. 3. el. 5. Hor. car . ● . ode 27. & Ode . 37 Stat. Syl. 4. Epu . Domit. Virg. Ecl. ● . Aene. 1. Aene. 1. Met. 1. De 4. Cons. Honor. Panegyri Pub. Syr. Mi. Clau. de laud. Stil . lib. 3. a a As being the first , free , and naturall gouernement of this Iland , after it came to ciuilitie . a a In respect they vver all Cōquests & the obedience of the subiect more inforced . b b Rather then the Citie shuld vvant a Founder , vve choose to folovve the receiu'd story of Brute , vvhether fabulous , or true , and not altogether vnvvarrāted in Poetrie : since it is a fauor of Antiquity to fevv cities , to let them knovv their first Authors . Besides , a learned Poet of our time , in a most elegāt vvork of his Con. Tam. & ISIS , celebrating London hath this verse of her : Aemula maternae tollens sua lumina Troiae . Here is also an antient rite alluded to in the building of Citties , vvhich vvas to giue them their boundes vvith a plough , according to Vir. Aen. li. 10. Interea Aeneas vrbem designat Aratro . And Isidore li. 15. cap. 2. Vrbs vocata ab orbe , quod antiquae ciuitates in orbem fiebant ; vel ab vrbe parte ●●ratri , quo muri designabantur , vnde est illud . Optauitque locum regno & concludere sulco . c c Primigenius sulcus dicitur , qui in condenda noua vrbe , taur● & vacca designationis causa imprimitur ; Hitherto respects that of Camd. Brit. 368. speaking of this Cittie , Quicunque autem condiderit , vitali genio , constructam fuisse ipsius fortuna docuit . d d For so all happy dayes vvere . Plin. cap. 40. lib. 7. Nat. Hist. To vvhich Horace alludes , lib. 1. ode . 36. Cressa ne careat pulchra dies nota . And the other Plin. epist. 11. lib. 6. O diem laetum , not and umque mihi candidissimo calculo . With many other in many places . Mart. lib. 8. epi. 45. lib. 9. epi. 53. lib. 10. 38. lib. 11. 37. Stat. lib. 4. Syl. 6. Pers , sat . 2. Catull. epig. 69. &c. e e The Parcae , or Fates , Martianus calls them scribas ac librarias superûm ; vvhereof Clotho is saide to be the eldest , signifying in Latine Euocatio . f f Those before mentioned of the Brittane , Romane , Saxon , &c. and to this Register of the Fates allude those verses of Ouid Met. 15 — Cernes illic molimine vasto . Exaere , & solido rerum tabularia ferro : Quae neque concussum coeli , neque fulminis Iram , Nec metuunt vllas tuta atque aeternaruinas . Inuenies illic incisa adamante peren●● Fata &c. — a a A riuer diuiding Spaine and Portugall , and by the consent of Poets stil'd aurifer . b b Vnderstanding Euphrosyne , Sebasis , 〈◊〉 , &c a a The Lord Maior vvho for his yeere , hath Senior place of the rest , and for the day vvas chief Serieant to the King. b b Aboue the blessing of his present office , the vvord had some particular allusion to his name , vvhich is Benet , and hath ( no doubt ) in time bin the contraction of Benedict . c c The Cittie , vvhich title is toucht before . * * To the Prince . d d An attribute giuen to great persons , fitly aboue other , Humanity , & in frequent vse vvith al the Greek Poets , especially Homer . Iliad . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 — 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . And in the same Booke . — 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . a a As Lactant. calls Parnass● , Vmbilicum terra . To the Queene . b b An emphaticall speach , & vvell re-enforcing her greatnes ; being by this match , more than either hir Brother , Father , &c. c c Daughter to Frederik secōd kind of Denmarke , & Norway , sister to Christierne the fourth novve there raigning , & vvife to Iames our Soueraigne . d d The Prince Henry Frederike . Notes for div A04637-e3750 Bassus apud Macro ▪ lib. 1. Satur. ca. 9. li. 8. Epi. 2. Fast. lib. 1. So Cephisiodotus hath fained him See Paus. in Boeoti . & Phil. in Imag. contrarie to Aristop. Theogn . Lucian and others , that make him blinde and deformed . Si● ▪ Ital ▪ De Malii Theo. cōs . Panegy . Eclog. 4. Aeneid . lib. 11. * * One of the three Flamines that as some think Numa Pōpilius first instituted , ●ut vve ra●her vvith Varr● take him of Romulus institution , vvhereof there vvere onely tvvo , Hee , and Dialis : to vvhom he vvas next in dignity . He vvas alvvaies created out of the Nobilitie , & did performe the rites to Mars , vvho vvas thought the Father of Romulus . c c Scaliger in coniect. in Varr : saith Totus Pileus , vel potiùs velamenta , Flamm●um dicebatur . vnde Flamines dicti . d d To this lookes that other coniecture of Varro . lib. 4. de lingua Latina Flamines , quòd licio in Capite vel●ti erant semper , ac caput cinctum hab●bant filo , Flamines dicti e e Whichin their attire vvas called Stroppus , in their vviues Inarculum . f f Scal. Ibid : in con . Pone enim regerebant apicem , ne grauis esset summis aestatis caloribus . Amentis enim , quae offendices dicebantur sub mentum adductis , religabant ; vt cum vellent , regererent , & pone pen●ere permitterent . a a Of Mars , vvhose rites ( as vvee haue touch● before ) this Flamē did specially celebrate . b b With 〈◊〉 the 15. of March , vvhich vvas the present day of this Triumph ; and on vvhich the great feast of Anna Perenna ( among the Romās ) vvas yearly and vvith such solemnitie remēbred . Oui. Fast. 3. Idibus est Annae festū geniale Perennae , Haud procul a ripis , &c. c c Who this Anna should be ( vvith the Romanes themselues ) hath beene no trifling controuersie . Some haue thought her fabulously the sister of Dido , some a Nimphe of Numicius ; some Io ; some Themis . Others an olde vvoman of Bouillae , that fed the seditious multitude , in Mont● sacr● , vvith Wafers , and fine Cakes , in time of their penurie : so vvhom , aftervvard ( in memory of the benefit ) their peace being made vvith the Nobles , they ordaind this feast . Yet , they that haue thought nearest , haue mist all these , and directly imagined her the Moone . And that she vvas calld Anna , Quia mensibus impleat annū . O●●d . ibid. To vvhich , the vovv that they vsd in her Rites , somvvhat confirmingly alludes ; vvhich vvas . vt Annare , & Perenn●re commodè liceret . Maor . Sat. lib. 1. cap. 1● . d d So Ouid. ibid. Fast. makes Mars speaking to her , Mense meo coleris , iunxi mea tempora tecum . e e Nuper e●at dea facta , &c. ibid. Ouid. f f Where is vnderstood the meeting of the Zodiack in March , the month vvherein she is celebrated . g g That face vvherevvith he beholds the Spring . h h Written vpon the Altar , for vvhich vvee refer you to the Page . D. 3. i i The Queene . to ansvvere vvhich in our inscription vvee spake to the King MARTE MAIORI . k k The Temple of Ianus vve apprehend to be both the house of War , & Peace ; of War , vvhen it is open ; of Peace vvhen it is shut : And that there , each ouer the othe● is interchangeably placd , to the vicissitude of Times . l l Which are Peace , Rest , Liberty , Safetie , &c ▪ and vvere his actiuely , but the vvorlds passiuely . m m Somevvhat a strange Epithite , in our tongue , but proper to the thing ; for they vvere only Mascul●ne Odours , vvhich vvere offerd to the Altars . Vir. Ecl. 8. Verbenasque adole pingueis , et mascula Tura . And Plin. Nat. Hist. lib. 12. cap. 14. speaking of these , hath Quod ex eo rotunditate gutt●● pependit , Masculum vocamus , cum alias non fere mas vocetur , vbi non sit femina : religioni tributum ne sexus alter vsurparetur . Masculum aliqui putant a specie testium dictum . See him also , lib. 34. cap. 11. And A●nob . lib. 7. aduers. Gent. Non si mille ●upōdera masculi Turis ince●das , &c. n n According to Romulu● his institution , vvho made March the first Month and consecrated it to his Father , of vvhome it vvas called Martius : Varr. Fest. in Frag. Martius mensis in●tium anni fuit , et in La●io , & post Romam conditam &c. And Ouid. Fast. 3. A te principium Romano dicimus anno : Primus de patri● nomine mensis erit . Vox ratafit ; &c. See Macro lib. 1. Sat. cap. 12. and Solin . in Poly . hist. cap. 3 Quòd hoc mēse mercedes e●oluerint magistris , quas completus annus deberi fecisset , &c. o o Some , to vvhom vve haue read this , haue takē it for a Tautologie , thinking Time inough express'd before , in Yeares , and Months . For vvhose ignor●nt sakes vve must confesse to haue taken the better part of this trauale in noting , a thing not vsuall , neither affected of vs , but vvhere there is necessitie , as here , to auoide their dull censures : vvhere in Yeares and Months vve alluded to that is obserued in our former note ; but by Time vve vnderstand the present , & that from this instant , we should begin to reckon , and make this the first , of our Time. Which is also to be helpt by Emphasis . p p In vvhich he vva● slaine in the Senate . Notes for div A04637-e6590 Paraph. in Arat Phaen●m . a a Fest. Aui . paraph. Pars ait Idae● def●ētem incendia Troiae , ●t numerosa suae lugētem funerae gentis , Electram tetris moestum dare nubibus orbem . Besides the reference to antiquity , this speach might be vnderstood by Allegorie of the Tovvne here , that had beene so ruined vvith sicknesse , &c. b b Hygi●us . Sed postquā Troia f●it capta , & Progenies cius quae à Dardano fuit euersa , dolore permotam ab his se remouisse , & in circ●●o qui A●cticus dicitur constitisse , &c. c c Electra signifies Serenity it selfe , and is compounded of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 vvhich is the Sunne , and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that signifies serene . She is mentioned to be Anim● sphaerae solis , by Proclus . Com. in Hesiod . d d She is also faind to be the Mother of the R●inbovv . Nascitur enim I●is ex aqua et serenitate , è refractione radiorū scilicet : Arist. in Meteorol . e e Val. Flac. Argonaut . 1. makes the Rainbovv indic●m serenitatis . Emicuit res●rata di●s , coelumque resoluit . Arcus , & in summos redier unt nubila montes . f f A name of the Sunne . Stat. The. lib. 1. torquentem corn●a Mithra● . And Martian . Capel . lib. 3. de nup. Mer. & Phil. Te Serapim Nilus , Memphis vener●tur Osirin ; Dissona sacra Mithran , &c. g g Alcyone , . Celaeno , Taygete , Asterope , Merope , Maia . vvhich are also said to bee the soules of the other sphaeres , as Electra of the S●nne . Proclus . ibi . in com . Alcyone Veneris . Celaeno Saturni . Taygete Lunae . Asterop . Iouis . Merope Martis . Maia Mercurij . h h Alluding backe to that of our Tēple . i i London . k k His Citty of Westminster , in vvhose name , and at vvhose charge , together vvith the Duchie of Lancaster this Arch vvas erected . l l Since here , they not only sate being Crovvnd , but also first receiued their Crovvnes . m m Hor. Car. lib. 4. Ode . 9. Ducentis ad se cun●ta pecuniae . n n For our more authoritie to induce her thus , See Fest. Auien. paraph. in Arat. speaking of Electra , Nonnumquam Oceani tamen istam surgere ab vndis , In conuexa poli , sed sede carere sororum ; Atque os discretum procul edere , detestatam Germanosque , choros sobolis lachrym●re ruin●s , Diffusamque comas c●rni , crinisque soluti Monstrari effigie , &c. o o All Comets vvere not fatall , some vvere fortunatly ominous , as this to vvhich vve allude ; and vvherefore vve haue Plinies testimonie . Nat. Histo. lib. 2. cap. 25. Cometes in vno totius orbis loco colitur in templo Romae , admodum faustus Diuo Augusto iudicatus ab ipso : qui incipiente eo , apparuit ludis quos faciebat Veneri Genetrici , non multo ●ost obitum patris Caesaris , in Collegio ab eo instituto . Namque his verbis id gaudium prodidit . Iisipsis ludorum meorum diebus , sydus crinitum per septem dies in regione Coeli , quae sub septentrionibus est , conspectum . Id oriebatur circa vndecimam horam di●i , clarumque & omnibus terris conspicuum fuit . Eo sydere significari vulgus credidit , Caesaris animam inter Deorum immortalium numina receptam : quo nomine id insigne simulacro capitis eius , quod mox in foro consecrauimus adiectum est . Hec Ill● in publicum , interiore gaudio sibi illum natum , seque in conasci inter pretatus est . Et si verum fatemur , salutare id terris fuit . Notes for div A04637-e9980 * * For shee was expected there on Midsommer day at night , but came not till the day following . Quasi Oriens Anna. * * Bringing with her the Prince , which is the greatest felicitie of Kingdoms . § § For housholds . * * A Iewell was giue● her . Here the Satyre fetcht out of the Wood , the Lord Spécers eldest sonne attirde and appointed like a Huntsman . A46229 ---- A Strange banquet, or, The Devils entertainment by Cook Laurel at the Peak in Devonshire with a true relation of the severall dishes : the tune is, Cook Laurel. 1678 Approx. 5 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 1 1-bit group-IV TIFF page image. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A46229 Wing J1014 ESTC R235695 27164704 ocm 27164704 110027 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A46229) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 110027) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1722:15) A Strange banquet, or, The Devils entertainment by Cook Laurel at the Peak in Devonshire with a true relation of the severall dishes : the tune is, Cook Laurel. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1 sheet ([1] p.) : ill. Printed for F. Coles ..., [London] : [between 1678-1680] Attributed by Wing to Ben Jonson. Place and date of publication suggested by Wing. Reproduction of original in Bodleian Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. 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Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Ballads, English -- 17th century. Broadsides -- England -- London -- 17th century. 2002-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-10 Chris Scherer Sampled and proofread 2002-10 Chris Scherer Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A Strange Banquet ; Or , The Devils Entertainment by Cook Laurel at the Peak in Devonshire , with a true Relation of the several Dishes . The Tune is , Cook Laurel . COok Laurel would have the Devil his guest , And bid him home to Peak to dinner , ●here Friend had never such a feast Prepared at the charye of a sinner . With a hey down down a down down . His ●omack was que●c he came thither coacht , The joggiugs had caused his cruets to rise , To help which he cal'd sor a Puritan Po●rcht , That used to turn up the white of his eyes . With a hey , &c. And so he recovered unto his wish , He sate him down and began to eat : ●… Prom●oter in Plumb 〈◊〉 was the first dish , His own privy Kitchin had no such meat , With a hey , &c. ●et though with this he much was taken Upon a sudden he shifted his trencher , ●s soon as he spied the Bawd and Eaton , By which you may know the Devils a wencher . 〈◊〉 a hey , &c. Sir pickled Taylors sliced and cut , With Semsters and tire-women fit for his pillet With Feathermen and Perfumers put , Some twelve in a charger to make a grand s●et With a hey , &c. A rich fat Usurer 〈◊〉 in his marrow , With him a Lawyers head and gi●n sawce , All which his bell● look like a barrel , As though till then he had never seen sawce . With a hey , &c. Then 〈◊〉 and cookt with pains , Whs brought up a Cloven Serjeants face , The sawce was made of a ●eamans brains That had been beaten out with his Mace. With a hey , &c. Two roasttd Sheriffs came whole to the board , The feast had nothing been without them , Both living and dead were foxed and fur'd , And their chains like saffages hung aboue them With a hey down down a down down . THe next dish was the Mayor of the town , With a pudding of maintainance put in his belly Like a Goose in her feathers in his gown , With a couple of Hinch-boys boyl'd to a jelly . With a hey , &c. Next came the overworn Justice of Peace , With Clerks like gizzards stuck under each arm And warrants like Sippits lay in his own grease Set over a Chaffing-dish to be kept warm . With a hey , &c. A London Cuckold came hot from the spit And when the Carver had broken him open , The Devil chopt his head off at a ●…t , But the horns had almost like to choak him . With a hey , &c. A fair large Pasty of a Midwife hot , And for cold bak'd meat in this story , A reverend painted Lady was brought Long coffin'd in crust till now she`s grown hoary With a hey , &c. The loins of a Letcher then was roasted , With a plumb Harlots head and Garlick , With a Pandors Petti-toes that had 〈◊〉 , Himself for a Captain that never was 〈◊〉 . With a hey , &c. Then boiled and stuck upon a prick , The Gizzard was brought of a holy 〈◊〉 , That bit made the Devil almost so sick , That the Doctor did think he had need of a gli●… With a hey , &c. The Iowl of a Taylor served for a Fish , A Constable 〈◊〉 pissed Uinegar by , Two Aldermen Lobsters laid in a dish , A deputy Tart and a Church-warden Pye. VVith a hey , &c. All which devoured , then for a close He did for a draught of Derby call , He heaved the vessel up to his nose , And tever left till he had drank up all , VVith a hey , &c. Then from the Table he gave a start , Where banquet and wine was not to seek , All which he blew away with a fart , From whence it is cal'd the devils arse a Peak . VVith a hey down down a down down . FINIS . Printed for F. Coles , in Vine-street , on Saffron-hill near H●ton-garden . A04655 ---- Love's Triumph Through Callipolis Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04655 of text S109235 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14776). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Nayoon Ahn This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04655.xml Loues triumph through Callipolis. Performed in a masque at court 1630. By his Maiestie with the lords, and gentlemen assisting. The inuentors. Ben. Ionson. Inigo Iones. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 7 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844885 STC (2nd ed.) 14776. Greg, II, 437(a). 9737 A04655

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. Searching, reading, printing, or downloading EEBO-TCP texts is reserved for the authorized users of these project partner institutions. Permission must be granted for subsequent distribution, in print or electronically, of this text, in whole or in part. Please contact project staff at eebotcp-info@umich.edu for further information or permissions.

 Loues triumph through Callipolis. Performed in a masque at court 1630. By his Maiestie with the lords, and gentlemen assisting. The inuentors. Ben. Ionson. Inigo Iones. Loves triumph through Callipolis Loves triumph through Callipolis. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Jones, Inigo, 1573-1652. [2], 10 p. Printed by I[ohn] N[orton] for Thomas Walkley, and are to be sold at his shop at the signe of the Eagle and Child in Brittains-burse, London : 1630. [i.e. 1631] 1631

Partly in verse.

Printer's name from STC.

The year date is given according to Lady Day dating.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 Masques -- Early works to 1800. A04655 shc Love's Triumph Through Callipolis Jonson, Ben Nayoon Ahn 1631 play masque shc no A04655 S109235 (STC 14776). 2110 0 0 0 50023.7C The rate of 23.7 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

LOVES TRIVMPH THROVGH CALLIPOLIS .

Performed in a Masque at Court 1630 . By his Maiestie with the Lords , and Gentlemen assisting .

The Inuentors . Ben Ionson . Jnigo Iones .

Quando magis dignos licuit spectare triumphos ?

LONDON , Printed by I. N. for Thomas Walkley , and are to be sold at his shop at the signe of the Eagle and Child in Brittains-burse . 1630 .

To make the Spectators vnderstanders .

WHereas all Repraesentations , especially those of this nature in court , publique Spectacles , eyther haue bene , or ought to be the mirrors of mans life , whose ends , for the excellence of their exhibiters ( as being the donatiues , of great Princes , to their people ) ought alwayes to carry a mixture of profit , with them , no lesse then delight ; Wee , the Inuentors , being commanded from the King , to thinke on some thing worthy of his Maiesties putting in act , with a selected company of his Lords , and Gentlemen , called to the assistance : For the honor of his Court , and the dignity of that heroique loue , and regall respect borne by him to his vnmatchable Lady , and Spouse , the Queenes Maiesty , after some debate of cogitation with our selues , resolued on this following argument .

First , that a Person , boni ominis , of a good character , as Euphemus , sent downe from Heauen to Callipolis , which is vnderstood the Citty of Beauty or Goodnes , should come in ; and , finding her Maiesty there enthron'd , declare vnto her , that Loue who was wont to be respected as a speciall Deity in Court , and Tutelar God of the place , had of late receiu'd an aduertisement , that in the suburbes , or skirtes of Callipolis , were crept in certaine Sectaries , or deprau'd Louers , who neyther knew the name , or nature of loue rightly , yet boasted themselues his followers , when they were fitter to be call'd his Furies : their whole life being a continew'd vertigo , or rather a torture on the wheele of Loue , then any motion eyther of order or measure . When sodainely they leape forth below , a Mistresse leading them , and with anticke gesticulation , and action , after the manner of the old Pantomimi , they dance ouer a distracted comoedy of Loue , expressing their confus'd affections , in the Scenicall persons , and habits , of the foure prime European Nations .

A glorious boasting Louer . A whining ballading Louer . An aduenturous Romance Louer . A phantasticke vmbrageous Louer . A bribing corrupt Louer . A froward jealous Louer . A sordid illiberall Louer . A proud skorne-full Louer . An angry quarrelling Louer . A melancholique despairing Louer . An enuious vnquiet Louer . A sensuall brute Louer . All which , in varied , intricate turns , and involu'd mazes , exprest , make the Antimasque : and conclude the exit , in a circle . EVPHEMVS descends singing . Joy , ioy to mortals , the reioycing fires Of gladnes , smile in your dilated hearts ! Whilst Loue presents a world of chast defires , Which may produce a harmony of parts ! Loue is the right affection of the minde , The noble appetite of what is best : Desire of vnion with the thing design'd , But in fruition of it cannot rest . The Father plenty is , the Mother want , Plenty the beauty , which it wanteth , drawes ; Want yeilds it selfe : affording what is scant . So , both affections are the vnion's cause . But , rest not here . For Loue hath larger scopes , New ioyes , new pleasures , of as fresh a date As are his minutes : and , in him no hopes Are pure , but those hee can perpetuate . To you that are by excellence a Queene ! The top of beauty ! but , of such an ayre , As , onely by the minds eye , may bee seene Your enter-wouen lines of good , and fayre ! Vouchsafe to grace Loues triumph here , to night , Through all the streetes of your Callipolis ; Which by the splendor of your rayes made bright The seate , and region of all beauty is . Loue , in perfection , longeth to appeare But prayes , of fauour , he be not call'd on , Till all the suburbes , and the skirts bee cleare Of perturbations , and th' infection gon . Then will he flow forth , like a rich perfume Into your nostrils ! or some sweeter sound Of melting musique , that shall not consume Within the eare , but run the mazes round . Heere the Chorus walke about with their censers . CHORVS . Meane time , wee make lustration of the place , And with our solemne fires , and waters proue T' haue frighted , hence , the weake diseased race Of those were tortur'd on the wheele of loue . 1 The glorious , 2 whining , 3 the aduenturous foole , 4 Phantastique , 5 bribing , and the iealous asse 1 The sordid , 2 scornefull , 3 and the angry mule4 The melancholique , 5 dull , and envious masse , Chorus With all the rest , that in the sensuall schoole Of lust , for their degree of brute may passe . All which are vapor'd hence . No loues , but slaues to sense : Meere cattell , and not men . Sound , sound , and treble all our ioyes agen , Who had the power , and vertue to remooue Such monsters from the labyrinth of loue . The Triumph is first seene a far of , and led in by Amphitrite , the wife of Oceanus , with foure Sea-gods attending her . NEREVS , PROTEVS , GLAVCVS , PALAeMON . It consisteth of fifteene Louers , and as many Cupids , who ranke themselues seauen , and seauen on a side , with each a Cupid before him , with a lighted torch , and the middle person ( which is his Maiesty , ) placed in the center .

1. The prouident .   2. The iudicious . 3. The secret .   4. The valiant . 5. The witty .   6. The iouiall . 7. The secure . 15. The Heroicall , 8. The substantiall . 9. The modest .   10. The candid . 11. The courteous .   12. The elegant . 13. The rationall .   14. The magnificent .

AMPHITRITE . Heere , stay a while : This ! this The Temple of all Beauty is ! Heere , perfect Louers , you must pay First-fruits ; and on these altars lay ( The Ladies breast's ) your ample vowes , Such , as Loue brings , and Beauty best allowes ! Cho. For Loue , without his obiect , soone is gone : Loue must haue answering loue , to looke vpon . AMPHITRITE . To you , best Iudge then , of perfection ! EVPHEMVS . The Queene , of what is wonder , in the place ! AMPHITRITE . Pure obiect , of Heroique Loue , alone ! EVPHEMVS . The center of proportion � ! AMPHITRITE . Sweetenesse . EVPHEMVS . Grace . ? AMPHITRITE , Daigne to receiue all lines of loue in one . EVPHEMVS . And by reflecting of them fill this space . Cho. Till it a circle of those glories proue , Fit to be sought in Beauty , found by Loue . Semi-cho. Where Loue is mutuall , still All things in order moue , Semi-cho. The circle of the will Is the true spheare of Loue . Cho. Aduance , you gentler Cupids , then aduance , And shew your iust perfections in your daunce . The Cupids dance their dance . And the Masquers their entry . Which done , Euclia , or a faire Glory appeares in the heauens , singing an applausiue song , or Poean of the whole , which shee takes occasion to ingeminate in the second Chorus , vpon the sight of a worke of Neptunes , being a hollow rocke , filling part of the Sea-prospect , whereon the Muses sit . EVCLIAS So loue , emergent out of Chaos brought the world to light ! And gently mouing on the waters , wrought all forme to fight ! Loues appetite Did beauty first excite : And left imprinted in the ayre , Those signatures of good , and faire , CHO. Which since haue flow'd , flow'd forth vpon the sense , To wonder first , and then to excellence , By vertue of diuine intelligence ! The ingemination . EVCLIAS And Neptune too Shewes what his waues can doe : To call the Muses all to play , And sing the birth of Venus day , CHO. Which from the Sea flow'd , forth vpon the sense To wonder first , and next to excellence , By vertue of diuine intelligence ! Here follow the Reuels . Which ended , the Scene changeth to a Garden , and the heauens opening , there appeare foure new persons , in forme of a Constellation sitting , or a new Asterism , expecting Venus , whom they call vpon with this song . IVPITER . IVNO . GENIVS . HYMEN . IVP. Hast daughter Venus hast , and come away : IVN. All powers , that gouerne mariage , pray That you will lend your light GEN. Vnto the constellation of this night . HYM. Hymen . IVN. And Iuno . GEN. And the Genius call , IVP. Your father Iupiter , CHO. And all That blesse , or honnor holy nuptiall . VENVS here appeares in a cloud , and pas through the constellation , descendeth to the earth , when presently the cloud vanisheth , and she is seene sitting in a throane . VENVS . Here , here I present ame Both in my girdle , and my flame : Wherein are wouen all the powers The Graces gaue me , or the Howres ( My nources once ) with all the artes Of gayning , and of holding hearts : And these with I descend . But , to your influences , first commend The vow , I goe to take On earth , for perfect loue and beauties sake ! Her song ended , and she rising to goe vp to the Queene , the Throane disappeares : in place of which there shooteth vp a Palme tree with an imperiall crowne on the top , from the roote whereof , Lillies and Roses , twining together and imbracing the stem , flourish through the crowne , which she in the song , with the Chorus describes . Beauty and Loue , whose story is mysteriall , In yonder Palme-tree , and the Crowne imperiall , Doe from the Rose , and Lilly so delicious , Promise a shade , shall euer be propitious To both the Kingdomes . But to Brittaines Genius The snaky rod , and serpents of Cyllenius Bring not more peace , then these , who so united be By Loue , as with it Earth and Heauen delighted be . And who this King , and Queene would well historify , Need onely speake their names : Those them will glorify . MARY , and CHARLES , CHARLES , with his MARY , named are And all the rest of Loues , or Princes famed are . After this they dance their going out , and end .
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A04655-e100110 Porus , and Penia . ��� re hee ��� es vp to ��� State . The prospect of a Sea appeares .

TheMasquersNames. The King . The Marquesse Hammilton . Lord Chamberlaine . Earle of Holland . Earle of Carnaruan . Earle of Newport . Vicount Doncaster . Lord Strange . Sir William Howard . Sir Robert Stanley . Sir William Brooke . ��� Maister Ralegh . ��� ���

Machine-generated castlist A04655-chorus 7 A04655-amphitrite 5 A04655-euphemus 4 A04655-juno 2 A04655-euclias 2 A04655-enius 2 A04655-semi-chorus 2 A04655-jupiter 2 A04655-venus 1 A04655-hymen 1
Textual Notes

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intricateturnes All which , in varied , intricate turns , and involu'd mazes , exprest , make vertueto our ioyes agen , Who had the power , and vertue to remooue Such monsters from the labyrinth their-entry Cupids dance their dance . And the Masquers their entry . Afterisme forme of a Constellation sitting , or a new Asterism , expecting Venus , whom they call vpon pasthrough VENVS here appeares in a cloud , and pas through the constellation , descendeth to g�rdle Here , here I present ame Both in my girdle , and my flame : Wherein are wouen all the M�ister Maister Ralegh .
A04652 ---- The Fortunate Isles and Their Union Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04652 of text S109228 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14772). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Nayoon Ahn This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04652.xml The fortunate isles and their vnion. Celebrated in a masque design'd for the court, on the Twelfth night. 1624. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 14 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844878 STC (2nd ed.) 14772. Greg, II, 411(a). 9727 A04652

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. Searching, reading, printing, or downloading EEBO-TCP texts is reserved for the authorized users of these project partner institutions. Permission must be granted for subsequent distribution, in print or electronically, of this text, in whole or in part. Please contact project staff at eebotcp-info@umich.edu for further information or permissions.

 The fortunate isles and their vnion. Celebrated in a masque design'd for the court, on the Twelfth night. 1624. Fortunate isles and their union Fortunate isles and their union. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [28] p. S.n., [London : 1625] 1625

Anonymous. By Ben Jonson.

Partly in verse.

The year date on title page is given according to Lady Day dating.

Place of publication from STC.

Signatures: A-C4 D2.

The last leaf is blank.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 Masques. A04652 shc The Fortunate Isles and Their Union Jonson, Ben Nayoon Ahn 1625 play masque shc no A04652 S109228 (STC 14772). 4398 3 0 0 0006.82B The rate of 6.82 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

THE FORTVNATE ISLES and THEIR VNION . celebrated in a MASQVE design'd for the Court , on the Twelfth night . 1624 .

Hie choreae , cantus que vigent .
THE FORTVNATE ISLES .

His Matie being sett ,

ENtreth in , running , IOHPHIEL , an aëry spirit , and ( according to the Magi ) the Intelligence of Iupiters sphere : Attired in light silks of seuerall colours , with wings of the same , a bright yellow haire , a chaplet of flowers , blew silke stockings , and pumps , and gloues , with a siluer fan in his hand .

IOHPHIEL . Like a lightning from the skie , or an arrow shot by Loue , Or a Bird of his let fly ; Bee 't a Sparrow , or a Doue : With that winged hast , come I , loosed from the Sphere of Ioue , To wish good-night to your delight .

To him enters a Melancholique Student , in bare and worne cloathes , shrowded vnder an obscure cloake , and the eaues of an old hatt , fetching a deepe sigh , his name , Mr .

MERE-FOOLE . Oh , oh ! IOHPHIEL . In Saturn's name , the Father of my Lord ! What ouer-charged peice of Melancholie Is this , breakes in betweene my wishes thus , With bombing sighes ? MERE-FOOLE . No! no Intelligence ! Not yet ! and all my vowes now nine dayes old ! Blindnes of fate ! Puppies had seene by this time : But I see nothing ! that I should ! or would see ! What meane the Brethren of the Rosie-Crosse So to desert their votary ! IOHPHIEL . O! t is one Hath vow'd himselfe vnto that aërie order , And now is gaping for the flie they promis'd him . I 'll mixe a little with him for my sport . MERE-FOOLE . Haue I both in my lodging , and my diet , My cloaths , and euery other solemne charge Obseru'd 'hem ! made the naked bords my bed ! A fagot for my pillow ! hungred sore ! IOHPHIEL . And thirsted after 'hem ! MERE-FOOLE . To looke gaunt , and leane ! IOHPHIEL . Which will not be . MERE-FOOLE . ( Who 's that ? ) yes , and outwatcht , Yea , and out-walked any Ghost aliue In solitarie circle , worne my bootes , Knees , armes , and elbowes out ! IOHPHIEL . Ran on the score ! MERE-FOOLE . That haue I ( who suggests that ? ) and for more Then I will speake of , to abate this flesh , And haue not gaind the sight ; IOHPHIEL . Nay scarce the sense , MERE-FOOLE . ( Voice , thou art right ) of any thing but a cold Wind in my stomacke . IOHPHIEL . And a kind of whimsie . MERE-FOOLE . Here in my head , that puts me to the staggers , Whether there be that Brotherhood , or no . IOHPHIEL . Beleeue fraile man , they be : And thou shalt see . MERE-FOOLE . What shall I see ? IOHPHIEL . Mee . MERE-FOOLE . Thee ? Where ? IOHPHIEL . Here . If you Be Mr. Mere-Foole . MERE-FOOLE . Sir , our name is Mery-Foole . But by contraction Mere-Foole . IOHPHIEL . Then are you The wight I seeke : and Sr. my name is Iohphiel , Intelligence to the Sphere of Iupiter , An aëry iocular spirit , imploy'd to you From Father OVTIS . MERE-FOOLE . OVTIS ? who is hee ? IOHPHIEL . Know yee not OVTIS ? Then know Nobody : The good old Hermit , that was said to dwell Here in the forest without trees , that built The Castle in the aire , where all the Brethren Rhodostaurotick liue . It flies with wings , And runnes on wheeles : where Iulian de Campis Holds out the brandisht blade . MERE-FOOLE . Is 't possible They thinke on mee ? IOHPHIEL . Rise , be not lost in wonder , But heare mee , and be faithfull . All the Brethren Haue heard your vowes , salute you , and expect you , By mee , this next returne . But the good Father Has bin content to die for you . MERE-FOOLE . For mee ? IOHPHIEL . For you . Last New-years day , which some giue out Because it was his Birth-day , and began The yeare of Iubile , he would rest vpon it , Being his hundred fiue and twentith yeare : But the truth is , hauing obseru'd your Genesis , He would not liue , because he might leaue all He had to you . MERE-FOOLE . What had hee ? IOHPHIEL . Had ? An office , Two , three , or foure . MERE-FOOLE . Where ? IOHPHIEL . In the vpper Region : And that you 'll find . The Farme of the great Customes , Through all the Ports of the Aires Intelligences ; Then Constable of the Castle Rosy-Crosse : Which you must be , and Keeper of the Keyes Of the whole Kaball , with the Seales ; you shall be Principall Secretarie to the Starres ; Know all their signatures , and combinations , The diuine rods , and consecrated roots . What not ? Would you turne trees vp like the wind , To shew your strength ? march ouer heads of armies , Or points of pikes , to shew your lightnesse ? force All doores of arts , with the petarr , of your wit ? Reade at one view all books ? speake all the languages Of seuerall creatures ? master all the learnings Were , are , or shall be ? or , to shew your wealth , Open all treasures , hid by nature , from The rocke of Diamond , to the mine of Sea-coale ? Sir , you shall doe it . MERE-FOOLE . But how ? IOHPHIEL . Why , by his skill , Of which he has left you the inheritance , Here in a pot : this little gally pot , Of tincture , high rose tincture . Ther 's your a Order , You will ha' your Collar sent you , er 't be long . MERE-FOOLE . I lookt Sr. for a halter , I was desperate . IOHPHIEL . Reach forth your hand : MERE-FOOLE . O Sr. a broken sleeue Keepes the arme back as 't is i' the prouerbe . IOHPHIEL . Nay , For that I doe commend you : you must be poore With al your wealth , & learning . Whē you ha' made Your glasses , gardens in the depth of winter , Where you will walke inuisible to Mankinde , Talkt with all birds & beasts in their owne language , When you haue penetrated hills like ayre , Diu'd to the bottome of the Sea , like lead , And riss' againe like corke , walk't in the fire An 't were a Salamander , pass'd through all The winding orbes , like an Intelligence , Vp to the Empyreum , when you haue made The World your gallery , can dispatch a busines In some three minuts , with the Antipodes , And in fiue more , negotiate the Globe ouer ; You must be poore still . MERE-FOOLE . By my place , I know it . IOPHIEL . Where would you wish to be now ? or what to see ? Without the fortunate purse to beare your charges , Or wishing hat ? I will but touch your temples , The corners of your eyes , and tinct the tip , The very tip o' your nose , with this Collyrium And you shall see i' the aire all the Ideas , Spirits , and Atomes , Flies , that buz about This way , and that way , and are rather admirable , Then any way intelligible . MERE-FOOLE . O , come , tinct me , Tinct me : I long , saue this great belly , I long . But shall I onely see ? IOHPHIEL . See , and commaund As they were all your vallets , or your foot-boyes : But first you must declare , ( your Greatnes must , For that is now your stile ) what you would see , Or whom . MERE-FOOLE . Is that my stile ? My Greatnes , then , Would see King Zoroastres . IOHPHIEL . Why you shall : Or any one beside . Thinke whom you please ? Your thousand , Your ten thousand , to a million : All 's one to me , if you could name a myriad . MERE-FOOLE . I haue nam'd him . IOHPHIEL . You'haue reason . MERE-FOOLE . I , I haue reason . Because he 's said to be the Father of coniurers , And a cunning man i' the starres . IOHPHIEL . I , that 's it troubles vs . A little for the present : For , at this time He is confuting a French Almanack , But he will straight haue don , Ha' you but patience ; Or thinke but any other in meane time , Any hard name . MERE-FOOLE . Then , Hermes Trismegistus . IOHPHIEL . O , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Why , you shall see him , A fine hard name . Or him , or whom you will , As I said to you afore . Or what do you thinke Of Howle-glasse , in stead of him ? MERE-FOOLE . No , him I haue a minde to . IOHPHIEL . O' , but Vlen-spiegle Were such a name ! but you shal haue your longing . What lucke is this , he should be busie to ? He is waighing water , but to fill three houreglasses , And marke the day in pen'orths like a cheese , And he has done . T is strange you should name him Of all the rest ! there being Iamblicus , Or Porphyrie , or Proclus , any name That is not busy . MERE-FOOLE . Let me see Pythagoras . IOHPHIEL . Good . MERE-FOOLE . or Plato , IOHPHIEL . Plato , is framing some Idea's , Are now bespoken , at a groat a dozen , Three grosse at least : And , for Pythagoras , He has rashly run himselfe on an imployment , Of keeping Asses from a feild of beanes ; And cannot be stau'd off . MERE-FOOLE . Then , Archimedes . IOHPHIEL . Yes , Archimedes ! MERE-FOOLE . I , or Aesope . IOHPHIEL . Nay , Hold your first man , a good man , Archimedes , And worthy to be seene ; but he is now Inventing a rare Mouse-trap with Owles wings And a Catts-foote , to catch the Mise alone : And Aesop , he is filing a Fox tongue , For a new fable he has made of Court ; But you shall see 'hem all , stay but your time And aske in season ; Things ask'd out of season A man denies himselfe . At such a time As Christmas , when disguising is o' foote , To aske of the inventions , and the men , The witts , and the ingines that moue those Orbes ! Me thinkes , you should enquire now , after Skelton , Or Mr. Scogan . MERE-FOOLE . Scogan ? what was he ? IOHPHIEL . O' a fine gentleman , and a Master of Arts , Of Henry the fourth's times , that made disguises For the Kings sonnes , and writ in ballad-royall Daintily well . MERE-FOOLE . But , wrote he like a Gentleman ? IOHPHIEL . In rime ! fine tinckling rime ! and flowand verse ! With now & then some sense ! & he was paid for 't , Regarded , and rewarded : which few Poets Are now adaies . MERE-FOOLE . And why . IOHPHIEL . 'Cause euery Dabler In rime is thought the same . But you shall see him . Hold vp your nose . MERE-FOOLE . I had rather see a Brathman , Or a Gymnosophist yet . IOHPHIEL . You shall see him , Sir . Is worth them both . And with him Domine Skelton , The worshipfull Poet Laureat to K. Harry And Tytire tu of those times . Aduance quick Scogan , And quicker Skelton , shew your craftie heads , Before this Heyre of arts , this Lord of learning , This Master of all knowledge in reuersion . Enter SKOGAN , and SKELTON in like habits , as they liu'd . SCOGAN . Seemeth wee are call'd of a morall intent If the words , that are spoken , as well now be ment . IOHPHIEL . That Mr. Scogan I dare you ensure . SCOGAN . Then , Sonne , our acquaintance is like to indure . MERE-FOOLE . A pretty game ! like Crambe Mr. Scogan , Giue me thy hand . Thou' art very leane , me thinks . Is 't liuing by thy witts ? SCOGAN . If it had bin that , My worshipfull Sonne , thou hadst ne'r bin so fatt . IOHPHIEL . He tels you true Sr. Here 's a gentleman ( My paire of crafty Clearkes ) of that high caract , As hardly hath the age produc't his like . Who not content with the witt of his owne times , Is curious to know yours , and what hath bin , MERE-FOOLE . Or is , or shall be . IOHPHIEL . Note his Latitude ! SKELTON . O , vir amplissimus ! ( Vt scholis dicimus ) Et gentilissimus ! IOHPHIEL . The question-issimus Is , should he aske a sight now , for his life ; I meane , a person , he would haue restor'd , To memorie of these times , for a Play-fellow , Whether you would present him , with an Hermes , Or , with an Howle-glas ? SKELTON . An Howleglasse To come , to passe On his Fathers Asse ; There neuer was , By day , nor night , A finer sight . With fethers vpright In his horned cap , And crooked shape , Much like an Ape . With Owle on fist , And Glasse at his wrist . SKOGAN . Except the soure Knaues entertain'd for the guards , Of the Kings , & the Queenes that triumph in the cards . IOHPHIEL . I , that were a sight and a halfe , I confesse , To see 'hem come skipping in , all at a messe ! SKELTON . With Elinor Rumming . To make vp the mumming ; That comely Gill , That dwelt on a hill , But she is not grill : Her face all bowsy , Droopie , and drowsie , Scuruy , and lowsie , Comely crinkled , Wondersly wrinkled , Like a rost pigs eare , Bristled with haire . SCOGAN . Or , what do you say to Ruffian Fitz-Ale ? IOHPHIEL . An excellent sight , if he be not too stale . But then , we can mix him with moderne Vapors , The Child of Tobacco , his pipes , and his papers . MERE-FOOLE . You talk'd of Elinor Rumming , I had rather See Ellen of Troy . IOHPHIEL . Her you shall see . But credit mee , That Marie Ambree ( Who march'd so free . To the siege of Gaunt , And death could not daunt , As the Ballad doth vaunt ) Were a brauer wight , And a better sight . SKELTON . Or Westmister Meg , With her long leg , As long as a Crane ; And feet like a plane : With a paire of heeles , As broad as two wheeles ; To driue downe the dew , As she goes to the stew : And turnes home metry , By Lambeth ferry . Or you may haue come In , Thomas Thumbe , In a pudding fatt With Doctor Ratt . IOHPHIEL . I , that ! that ! that ! Wee 'll haue 'em all , To fill the Hall .
The Antimasque followes .

Consisting of these twelue persons , Owleglas , the foure Knaues , two Ruffians Fitzale , and Vapors ; Elnor Rumming , Mary Ambree , Long = Meg of Westminster , Tom Thumbe , and Doctor Ratt .

Which done ,

MERE-FOOLE . What! are they vanish'd ! where is skipping Skelton ? Or morall Scogan ? I doe like their shew And would haue thankt 'hem , being the first grace The Company of the Rosie-Crosse hath done me . IOHPHIEL . The company o' the Rosie-crosse ! you wigion , The company of Players . Go , you are , And wil be stil your selfe , a Mere-foole , In ; And take your pot of hony here , and hogs greace , See , who has guld you , and make one . Great King , Your pardon , if desire to please haue trespass'd . This foole should haue bin sent to Antycira , ( The I le of Ellebore , ) there to haue purg'd , Not hop'd a happie seat within your waters . Heare now the message of the Fates , and Ioue , On whom those Fates depend , to you , as Neptune The great Commander of the Seas , and Iles . That point of Reuolution being come When all the Fortunate Islands should be ioyn'd , MACARIA , one , and thought a Principall , That hetherto hath floted , as vncertaine Where she would fix her blessings , is to night Instructed to adhere to your BRITANNIA : That where the happie spirits liue , hereafter Might be no question made , by the most curious , Since the Macarij come to doe you homage , And ioyne their cradle to your continent .

Here the Scene opens , and the Masquers are discouer'd sitting in their seuerall seiges . The aire opens aboue , and APOLLO with Harmony , and the spirits of Musique sing , the while the Iland moues forward , Proteus sitting below , and hearkning .

Song . Looke forth the Shepheard of the Seas , And of the Ports that keep the keyes , And to your Neptune tell , MACARIA , Prince of all the Isles , Wherein there nothing growes , but smiles , Doth here put in , to dwell . The windes are sweete , and gently blow , But Zephirus , no breath they know , The Father of the flowers : By him the virgin violets liue , And euery plant doth odours giue , As new , as are the howers . CHORVS . Then , thinke it not a common cause , That to it so much wonder drawes , And all the heauens consent , With Harmony to tune their notes , In answer to the publique votes , That for it vp were sent .

By this time , the Iland hauing ioyned it selfe to the shore ; PROTEVS , PORTVNVS , and SARON come forth , and go vp singing to the State , while the Masquers take time to ranke themselues .

Song . PROTEVS . I , now , the heights of Neptunes honors shine , And all the glories of his greater stile Are read , reflected in this happiest I le . PORTVNVS . How both the aire , the soile , the seat combine To speake it blessed ! SARON . These are the true groues , Where ioyes are borne , PROTEVS . Where longings , PORTVNVS . and where loues ! SARON . That liue ! PROTEVS . That last ! PORTVNVS . No intermitted wind Blowes here , but what leaues flowers , or fruit behind CHORVS . T is odour all , that comes ! And euery tree doth giue his gummes . PROTEVS . There is no sicknes , nor no old age knowne To man , nor any greife that he dares owne . There is no hunger there , nor enuy of state . Nor least ambition in the Magistrate . But all are euen-harted , open , free , And what one is , another striues to be . PORTVNVS . Here all the day , they feast , they sport , and spring ; Now dance the Graces Hay , now Venus Ring : To which the old Musitians play , and sing . SARON . There is ARION , tuning his bold Harpe , from flat to sharpe . PORTVNVS . And light Anacreon , He still is one ! PROTEVS . Stesichorus there , too , That Linus , and old Orpheus doth out-doe To wonder . SARON . And Amphion ! he is there . PORTVNVS . Nor is Apollo dainty to appeare In such a quire , although the trees be thick , PROTEVS . He will looke in , and see the aires be quick , And that the times be true . PORTVNVS . Then , chanting , PROTEVS . Then , Vp , with their notes , they raise the Prince of Men . SARON . And sing the present Prophecie that goes Of ioyning the bright LILLIE , and the ROSE . CHORVS . See! all the flowres PROTEVS . That spring the banks along , Do moue their heads vnto that vnder-song . CHORVS . SARON , PORTVNVS , PROTEVS , helpe to bring Our Primrose in , the glorie of the spring ! And tell the Daffadill , against that day , That we prepare new Gyrlands fresh as May . And enterweaue the Myrtle , and the Bay .

This sung , the Island goes back , whilst the vpper Chorus takes it from them , and the Masquers prepare for their figure .

CHORVS . Spring all the Graces of the age , And all the Loues of time ; Bring all the pleasures of the stage , And relishes of rime : Add all the softnesses of Courts , The lookes , the laughters , and the sports . And mingle all their sweets , and salts , That none may say , the Triumph halts .

The Masquers dance their Entry or first dance .

Which done , the first Prospectiue , a Maritime Palace , or the house of Oceanus is discouered to lowd Musique .

The other aboue is no more seene .

IOHPHIEL . Behold the Palace of Oceanus ! Hayle Reuerend structure ! Boast no more to vs Thy being able , all the Gods to feast ; We saw enough : when ALBION was thy guest .

The measures .

After which , the second Prospectiue , a Sea is showne , to the former Musique .

IOHPHIEL . Now turne ; and view the wonders of the deepe , Where Proteus heards , & Neptunes Orkes do keep , Where all is plough'd , yet still the pastures greene New wayes are found , and yet no paths are seene . Here Proteus , Portunus , Saron goe vp to the Ladies with this Song . PROTEVS . Come noble Nymphs , and doe not hide The ioyes , for which you so prouide : SARON . If not to mingle with the Men , What do you here ? Go home agen . PORTVNVS . Your dressings doe confesse , By what wee see , so curious parts Of Pallas , and Arachnes arts , That you could meane no lesse . PROTEVS . Why do you weare the silke-wormes toyles . Or glorie in the shell-fish spoiles ; Or striue to shew the graines of Ore That you haue gather'd on the shore , whereof to make a stocke To graft the greener Emerald on , Or any better water'd stone , SARON . Or Rubie of the rock ? PROTEVS . Why do you smell of Amber-gris , Of which was formed Neptunes Neice , The Queene of Loue : vnlesse you can Like Sea-borne Venus loue a Man ? SARON . Try , put your selues vnto 't . CHORVS . Your lookes , your smiles , and thoughts that meete . Ambrosian hands , and siluer feete , Do promise you will do 't .

The Reuels follow .

Which ended , the Fleete is discouered , while the three Corners play .

IOHPHIEL . T is time , your eyes should be refresht at length With something new , a part of NEPTVNES strength , See , yond' , his Fleete , ready to goe or come , Or fetch the riches of the Ocean home , So to secure him , both in peace , and warres , Till not one ship alone , but all be starres . Then the last Song . PROTEVS . Although we wish the glorie still might last Of such a night , and for the causes past : Yet now , great Lord of waters , and of Iles , Giue Proteus leaue to turne vnto his wiles . PORTVNVS . And , whilst young ALBION doth thy labours ease , Dispatch Portunus to thy Ports , SARON . And Saron to thy Seas : To meet old Nereus , with his fiftie girles , From aged Indus laden home with pearles , And Orient gummes , to burne vnto thy name . CHORVS . And may thy subiects hearts be all one flame . Whilst thou dost keepe the earth in firme estate , And 'mongst the winds , do'st suffer no debate , But both at Sea , and Land , our powers increase , With health , and all the golden gifts of Peace . After which , their last Dance . The END
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A04652-e100070 a He giues him a Rose .
Machine-generated castlist A04652-jophiel 47 A04652-meerefoole 38 A04652-proteus 12 A04652-saron 9 A04652-portunus 9 A04652-chorus 7 A04652-scogan 5 A04652-skelton 4
Textual Notes

The textual notes below aim at making textual corrections readable in their immediate context and facilitating access to the source text. A five-digit number preceded by 'A' or 'B' represents an EEBO-TCP filenumber. A notation like "6-b-2890" means "look for EEBO page image 6 of that text, word 289 on the right side of the double-page image." That reference is followed by the corrupt reading. A black dot stands for an unidentified letter, a black square for an unidentified punctuation mark, a diamond for a missing word, and the ellipsis for a short span of undefined length. The corrected reading is displayed as a keyword in context.

riss'againe the bottome of the Sea , like lead , And riss' againe like corke , walk't in the fire An sist crooked shape , Much like an Ape . With Owle on fist , And Glasse at his wrist .
A04656 ---- Neptune's Triumph for the Return of Albion Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04656 of text S109198 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14779). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Nayoon Ahn Kate Needham This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04656.xml Neptunes triumph for the returne of Albion celebrated in a masque at the court on the Twelfth night 1623. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 9 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844847 STC (2nd ed.) 14779. Greg, II, 407(a). 9693 A04656

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. Searching, reading, printing, or downloading EEBO-TCP texts is reserved for the authorized users of these project partner institutions. Permission must be granted for subsequent distribution, in print or electronically, of this text, in whole or in part. Please contact project staff at eebotcp-info@umich.edu for further information or permissions.

 Neptunes triumph for the returne of Albion celebrated in a masque at the court on the Twelfth night 1623. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [22] p. S.n., [London : 1624] 1624

Anonymous. By Ben Jonson.

Partly in verse.

The year on the title page is given according to Lady Day dating.

Signatures: A-C4 (-C4).

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 Masques. A04656 shc Neptune's Triumph for the Return of Albion Jonson, Ben Nayoon Ahn Kate Needham 1624 play masque shc no A04656 S109198 (STC 14779). 3221 3 0 0 240083.82D The rate of 83.82 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the D category of texts with between 35 and 100 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

NEPTVNES TRIVMPH for the returne of ALBION , celebrated in a Masque at the Court on the Twelfth night 1623 .

Omnis & ad reducem iam litat ara Deunt . Mart. lib. VIII. Epig. XIV .
NEPTVNES TRIVMPH . COOKE . Then , Brother Poet , POET. Brother . COOKE . I haue a suite . POET. What is it ? COOKE . Your deuise . POET. As you came in vpon me , I was then Offring the argument , and this it is . COOKE . Silence . POET. The mightie Neptune , mightie in his styles , And large command of waters , and of Isles , Not , as the Lord and Soueraigne of the Seas , But , Chiefe in the art of riding , late did please To send his Albion forth , the most his owne , Vpon discouery , to themselues best knowne , Through Celtiberia ; and , to assist his course , Gaue him his powerfull e MANAGER of Horse , With diuine Proteus , Father of disguise , To waite vpon them with his counsels wise , In all extremes . His great commands being done , And he desirous to review his Sonne , He doth dispatch a floting I le , from hence , Vnto the Hesperian shores , to waft him thence . Where , what the arts were , vsde to make him stay , And how the Syrens woo'd him , by the way , What Monsters he encountred on the coast , How neare our generall Ioy was to be lost , Is not our subiect now : though all these make The present gladnesse greater , for their sake . But what the triumphs are , the feast , the sport , And proud solemnities of Neptunes Court , Now he is safe , and Fame 's not heard in vaine , But we behold our happie pledge againe . That with him , loyall HIPPIVS is returnd , Who for it , vnder so much envie , burnd With his owne brightnes , till her steru'd snakes saw What Neptune did impose , to him was law . COOKE . But , why not this , till now ? POET. � It was not time , To mixe this Musick with the vulgars chime . Stay , till th' abortiue , and extemporall dinne Of balladry , were vnderstood a sinne , Minerua cry'd : that , what tumultuous verse , Or prose could make , or steale , they might reherse , And euery Songster had sung out his fit ; That all the Countrey , and the Citie-wit , Of bels , and bonfires , and good cheere was spent , And Neptunes Guard had drunk al that they meant ; That all the tales and stories now were old Of the Sea-Monster Archy , or growne cold : The Muses then might venter , vndeterr'd , For they loue , then , to sing , when they are heard . COOKE . I like it well , t is handsome : And I haue Some thing wold fit this . How do you present 'hem ? In a fine Iland , say you ? POET. Yes , a f Delus : Such , as when faire Latena fell in trauaile , Great Neptune made emergent . COOKE . I conceive you . I would haue had your I le brought floting in , now In a braue broth , and of a sprightly greene , Iust to the colour of the Sea ; and then , Some twentie Syrens , singing in the kettel , With an Arion , mounted on the backe Of a growne Conger , but in such a posture , As , all the world should take him for a Dolphin : O , 't would ha' made such musick ! Ha' you nothing , But a bare Island ? POET. Yes , we haue a tree too , Which we do call the Tree of Harmonie , And is the same with g what we read , the Sunne Brought forth in the Indian Musicana first , And thus it growes . The goodly bole , being got To certaine cubits height , from euery side The boughs decline , which taking roote afresh , Spring vp new boles , & those spring new , & newer , Till the whole tree become a Porticus , Or arched Arbour , able to receiue A numerous troupe , such as our Albion , And the Companions of his iourney are . And this they sit in COOKE . Your prime Masquers ? POET. Yes . COOKE . But where 's your Antimasque now , all this while ? I hearken after them . POET. Faith , we haue none . COOKE . None ? POET. None , I assure you , neither do I think them A worthy part of presentation , Being things so heterogene , to all deuise , Meere By-works , and at best Out-landish nothings . COOKE . O , you are all the heauen awrie ! Sir . For blood of Poetry , running in your veines , Make not your selfe so ignorantly simple . Bycause Sir , you shall see I am a Poet , No lesse then Cooke , and that I find you want A speciall service here , an Antimasque , I le fit you with a dish out of the Kitchin , Such , as I thinke , will take the present palates , A metaphoricall dish ! And , do but mark , How a good wit may iump with you . Are you ready , Child ? ( Had there bin Maske , or no Maske , I had made it . ) Child of the boyling house . CHILD . Here , Father . COOKE . Bring forth the pot . It is an Olla Podrida , But I haue persons , to present the meates . POET. Persons ! COOKE . Such as doe relish nothing , but di stato , ( But in another fashion , then you dreame of ) Know all things the wrong way , talk of the affaires , The clouds , the cortines , and the mysteries That are afoot , and , fro� what hands they haue 'hem ( The master of the Elephant , or the Camels ) What correspondences are held ; the Posts That go , & come , and know , almost , their minutes , All but their businesse : Therein , they are fishes . But ha' their garlick , as the Prouerb sayes , They are our Quest of enquiry , after newes . POET. Together with their learned Authors ? CHILD . Yes Sir , And of the Epicoene gender , Hee s , and Shee s : Amphibion Archy is the chiefe . COOKE . Good boy ! The Child is learned too . Note but the Kitchin . Haue you put him , into the pot , for Garlick ? CHILD . One in his coate , shall stinke as strong as he , Sir , And his friend Giblets with him . COOKE . They are two , That giue a part of the seasoning . POET. I conceiue The way of your Gally-mawfrey . COOKE . You will like it , When they come powring out of the pot together . CHILD . O , if the pot had been big enough ! COOKE . What then , Child ? CHILD . I had put in the Elephant , and one Camell , at least , for Biefe . COOKE . But , whom ha' you for Partrich ? CHILD . A brace of Dwarfes , and delicate plump birds ! COOKE . And whom for Mutton , and Kid ? CHILD . A fine lac'd Mutton , Or two ; and either has her frisking Husband : That reades her the Corrantos , euery weeke . Graue Mr Ambler , Newes-master of Poules , Supplies your Capon ; and growne Captaine Buz ( His Emissary ) vnderwrites for Turky , A Gentleman of the Forrest presents Phesant , And a plump Poultrers wife , in Graces street , Playes Hen with egges i' the belly , or a Cony , Choose which you will . COOKE . But , where 's the Bacon , Thom ? CHILD . Hogrel the Butcher , and the Sow his wife , Are both there . COOKE . It is well , go , dish 'hem out . Are they well boyld ? CHILD . Podrida ! POET. What 's that ? rotten ? COOKE . O , that they must be . There 's one maine ingredient We haue forgot , the Artichoke . CHILD . No Sir . I haue a Fruicterer , with a cold red nose , Like a blue fig , performes it . COOKE . The fruit lookes so . Good child , go poure he� out , shew their concoctio� . They must be rotte� boyld , the broth 's the best on 't , And that 's the Dance . The stage here is the Charger . And Brother Poet , though the serious part Be yours , yet , envie not the C� his art . POET. Not I . Nam lusis ipse Triumphus amat .

The Antimaske is daunc'd by the persons describ'd , comming out of the pot .

POET. Well , now , expect the Scene it selfe ; it opens !

The Iland is discovered , the Masquers sitting in their severall sieges . The heavens opening , and Apollo , with Mercury , some Muses , & the Goddesse Harmony , make the musique . the while , the Iland moues forward , Proteus sitting below , and APOLLO sings .

Song . APOLLO . Looke forth , the ( h ) Shephard of the seas , And ( i ) of the Ports , that keep'st the keyes , And to your Neptune tell , His ALBION , Prince of all his Isles , For whome the sea , and land so smiles , Is home returned well . CHORVS . And be it thought no common Cause , That , to it , so much wonder drawes , And all the Hea'uens consent , With HARMONY , to tune their notes , In answer to the publique votes That , for it , vp were sent . It was no envious Stepdames rage , Or Tyrans malice of the age , That did employ him forth . But such a Wisdome , that would proue , By sending him , their hearts , and loue That else might feare his worth .

By this time , the Island hath joynd it selfe with the shore : And Proteus , Portunus , and k Saron ; come forth , and goe vp singing to the State , while the Masquers take time to Land .

Song . PROTHEVS . I ! now the Pompe of Neptunes triumph shines ! And all the glories of his great designes Are read , reflected , in his sonnes returne ! PORTVNVS . How all the eyes , the lookes , the hearts here , burne at his arriuall ! SARON . These are the true fires , Are made of ioyes ! PROTEVS . Of longings ! PORTVNVS . Of desires ! SARON . Of hopes ! PROTEVS . Of feares ! PORTVNVS . Not intermitted blocks . SARON . But pure affections , and from odorous stocks ! CHORVS . T is incense all , that flames ! And these materials scarce haue names ! PROTEVS . My King lookes higher , as he scornd the warres Of winds , and with his trident touchd the starrs . There is no wrinkle , in his brow , or frowne , But , as his cares he would in nectar drowne , And all the ( l ) siluer-footed Nymphs were drest , To wayte vpon him , to the Oceans feast . PORTVNVS . Or , here in rowes vpon the bankes were set , And had their seuerall hayres made into net To catch the youths in , as they come on shore . SARON . How ! Galatea sighing ! O , no more . Banish your feares . PORTVNVS , And Doris dry your teares . Albion is come : PORTEVS . And ( m ) Haliclyon , too , That kept his side , as he was charg'd to do , With wonder . SARON . � And the Syrens haue him not . PORTVNVS . Though they no practise , nor no arts forgot That might haue wonne him , or by charme , or song . PROTEVS . Or laying forth their tresses all along Vpon the glassie waues ; PORTVNVS . Then diuing : PROTEVS . Then , Vp with their heads , as they were mad of men . SARON . And there , the highest-going billowes crowne , Vntill some lusty Sea-god pull'd them downe , CHORVS . See! He is here ! PROTEVS . Great Master of the mayne , Receiue thy deare , and precious pawne againe . CHORVS . SAKON , PORTVNVS , PROTEVS bring him thus , Safe , as thy Subiects wishes gaue him vs : And of thy glorious Triumph let it be No losse a part , that thou their loues doest see , Then , that his sacred hea'd 's return'd to thet .

This sung , the Island goes backe , whilst the vpper Chorus takes it from them , and the Masquers prepare for their figure .

CHORVS . Spring all the Graces of the age , And all the Loues of time ; Bring all the pleasures of the stage , And relishes of rime : Adde all the softnesses of Courts The lockes , the laughters , and the sports . And mingle all their sweets , and salts , That none may say , the Triumph halts .

Here , the Masquers dance their Entry .

Which done , the first prospectiue of a maritime Palace , or the house of Oceanus is discovered , with lowd Musique .

And the other aboue is no more seene .

POET. Behold the Palace of Oceanus ! Hayle Reverend structure ! Boast no more to vs Thy being able , all the Gods to feast ; We haue seene enough : our Albion was thy guest .

Then followes the Maine Dance .

After which the second prospect of the sea , is showne , to the former Musique .

POET. Now turne and view the wonders of the deepe , Where Proteus heards , and Neptunes orkes do keep , Where all is plough'd , yet still the pasture greene The wayes are found , and yet no path is seene ,

There Proteus , Portunus , Saron , goe vp to the Ladies with this Song .

PROTEVS . Come noble Nymphs , and doe not hide The ioyes , for which you so prouide : SARON . If not to mingle with the men , What doe you here ? Go home agen . PORTVNVS . Your dressings doe confesse By what we see so curious parts Of Pallas , and Arachnes arts , That you could meane no lesse . PROTEVS . Why doe you were the Silkewormes toyles ; Or glory in the shellfish spoiles ? Or striue to shew the graines of ore That you haue gatherd on the shore , Whereof to make a stocke To graft the greener Emerald on Or any better-waterd stone ? SARON . Or Ruby of the rocke ? PROTEVS . Why do you smell of Ambergris , Of which was formed Neptunes Neice , The Queene of Loue ; vnlesse you can Like Sea-borne Venus loue a man ? SARON . Try , put your selues vnto 't . CHORVS . Your lookes your smiles , and thoughts that meete , Ambrosian hands , and siluer feete , doe promise you will do 't .

The Reuels follow .

Which ended , the Fleete is discouered , while the three Cornets play .

POET. 'T is time , your eyes should be refresh'd at length Which something new , a part of Neptunes strength See , yond , his fleete , ready to goe , or come , Or fetch the riches of the Ocean home , So to secure him both in peace , and warres , Till not one ship alone , but all be starres .

A shout within followes .

After which the Cooke enters .

COOKE .

I haue another seruice fer you , Brother Poet , a dish of pickled Saylors , fine salt Sea-boyes , shall relish like Anchoues , or Caueare , to draw downe a cup of nectar , in the skirts of a night .

SAYLORS .

Come away boyes , the Towne is ours , hay for Neptune , and our young Master .

POET. He knowes the Compasse and the Card , While Castor sits on the maine yard , And Pollux too , to helpe your sayles ; And bright Leucothoe , fils your sayles : Arion sings , the Dolphins swim , And , all the way , to gaze on him .

The Antimasque of Saylors .

The last Song to the whole Musique , fiue Lutes , three Cornets , and ten voyces .

Song . PROTEVS . Although we wish the Triumph still might last For such a Prince , and his discouery past , Yet now , great Lord of waters , and of Isles , Giue Proteus leaue to turne vnto his wiles : PORTVNVS . And , whilst young Albion doth thy labours ease , Dispatch Portunus to thy ports , SARON . And Saron to thy Seas : To meete old Nereus , with his fiftie girles , From aged Indus laden home with pearls , And orient gummes , to burne vnto thy name . CHORVS . And may thy Subiects hearts be all on flame : Whilst thou dost keepe the earth in firme estate , And , 'mongst the winds , dost suffer no debate . But both at sea , and land , our powers increase , With health , and all the golden gifts of peace .

The last Dance .

The end .
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A04656-e100110 e A NEPT by whi� cald ��� Dame� confe� person ciall ho� the All� as by ��� vid. ��� f Vid. Lucian. in Dialog� & Neptune g Vid. St Geogr. Lib. �teus �maris . �tunus , �rtubus ��� k The ��� nauigat� with St� Aristid . and Pau� Corinth� whence� proner� frequent the Gre� {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , Sarone magis nauticus . Epithete�nt in ��� , and o� giuen �m to ��� Panope , ��� &c. ��� �ari incly��renoumd a. ) Another Neptunes at��tes , and ��� to the ��� person ��� Hippius .
Machine-generated castlist A04656-cook 24 A04656-poet 20 A04656-proteus 11 A04656-child 10 A04656-saron 10 A04656-portunus 9 A04656-chorus 7 A04656-apollo 1 A04656-porteus 1 A04656-sailor 1
Textual Notes

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Lu� Vid. Lucian. in Dialog� & Neptune Neptu� Vid. Lu� in Dialog� & Neptune �oting conceive you . I would haue had your Ile brought floting in , now In a braue broth , and of a sprightly brotn's concoctio� . They must be rotte� boyld , the broth's the best on't , And that's the Dance . The finging Portunus , and Saron ; come forth , and goe vp singing to the State , while the Masquers take time freque� Aristid . and Pau� Corinth� whence� proner� frequent the Gre� Sa� , Sarone magis� nauticus magis� , Sa� magis nauticus ��� , Sa� magis� nauticus �eptunes �ari incly��renoumd a. ) Another Neptunes at��tes , and ��� to the ��� person ��� �ea After which the second prospect of the sea , is showne , to the former Musique . �ayles maine yard , And Pollux too , to helpe your sayles ; And bright Leucothoe , fils your sayles
A04643 ---- The Characters of Two Royal Masques Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04643 of text S109233 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14761). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Martin Mueller This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04643.xml The characters of two royall masques. The one of blacknesse, the other of beautie. personated by the most magnificent of queenes Anne Queene of great Britaine, &c. With her honorable ladyes, 1605. and 1608. at White-hall: and inuented by Ben: Ionson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 19 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844883 STC (2nd ed.) 14761. Greg, I, 269-71(a). 9733 A04643

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 The characters of two royall masques. The one of blacknesse, the other of beautie. personated by the most magnificent of queenes Anne Queene of great Britaine, &c. With her honorable ladyes, 1605. and 1608. at White-hall: and inuented by Ben: Ionson. Queenes masques. Description of the masque. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [56] p. [by G. Eld] for Thomas Thorp, and are to be sold [by L. Lisle] at the signe of the Tigers head in Paules Church-yard, Imprinted at London : [1608] 1608

Printer's and publisher's names and publication date from STC.

Signatures: A-G4.

"The description of the masque" has divisional title page; register is continuous.

Running title reads: The Queenes masques.

"The description of the masque" identified as STC 14770 on UMI microfilm (reel 757, position 10).

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 Masques -- Early works to 1800. A04643 shc The Characters of Two Royal Masques Jonson, Ben Martin Mueller 1605 play masque shc no A04643 S109233 (STC 14761). 9102 30 0 0 390075.81D The rate of 75.81 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the D category of texts with between 35 and 100 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

THE CHARACTERS of Two royall Masques . The one of BLACKNESSE , The other of BEAVTIE . personated By the most magnificent of Queenes ANNE Queene of great Britaine , &c. With her honorable Ladyes , 1605. and 1608. at White hall : and Inuented by BEN : IONSON .

Ouid. — Salue festa dies , meliorque reuertere semper .

Imprinted at London for Thomas Thorp , and are to be sold at the signe of the Tigers head in Paules Church-yard .

THE QVEENES MASQVES . The first , of Blacknesse : personated at the Court , at White-Hall , on the Twelu'th night . 1605 .

THE honor , and splendor of these Spectacles was such in the performance , as could those houres haue lasted , this of mine , now , had beene a most vnprofitable worke : But ( when it is the fate , euen of the greatest , and most absolute births , to need , and borrow a life of posterity ) little had beene done to the study of magnificence in these , if presently with the rage of the people , who ( as a part of greatnesse ) are priuiledged by Custome , to deface their carkasses , the spirits had also perished . In dutie , therefore , to that Maiestie , who gaue them their authoritie , and grace ; and , no lesse then the most royall of predecessors , deserues eminent celebration for these solemnities : I adde this later hand , to redeeme them as well from ignorance , as enuie , two common euils , the one of Censure , the other of Obliuion .

a PLINIE , b SOLINVS , c PTOLOMAEE , and of late LEO d the African , remember vnto vs a riuer in Aethiopia , famous by the name of Niger ; of which the people were called Nigritae , now Negro's : & are the blackest nation of the world . This e riuer taketh spring out of a certain Lake , east-ward ; & after a long race , falleth into the westerne Ocean . Hence ( because it was her Maiesties will , to haue them Black-mores at first ) the inuention was deriued by me , & presented thus .

First , for the Scene , was drawne a Landtschape , consisting of small woods , and here and there a voide place filld with huntings ; which falling , an artificiall Sea was seene to shoote forth , as if it flowed to the land , raised with waues , which seemed to mooue , and in some places the billow to breake , as imitating that orderly disorder , which is common in nature . In front of this Sea were placed sixe f Tritons , in mouing , & sprightly actions , their vpper parts humane , saue that their haires were blew , as pertaking of the Sea-colour : their desinent parts , fishe , mounted aboue their heads , and all varied in disposition . From their backs were borne out certaine light pieces of Taffata , as if carried by the winde , and their Musique made out of wreathed shels . Behinde these , a paire of Sea-Maides , for song , were as conspicuously seated ; betweene which , two great Sea-horses ( as bigge as the life ) put forth themselues ; the one mounting aloft , & writhing his head from the other , which seemed to sinck forwards ; so intended for variation , & that the Figure behind , might come of better : g vpon their backs , OCEANVS & NIGER were aduanced .

OCEANVS , presented in a humane forme , the colour of his flesh , blew ; and shadowed with a robe of Sea-greene ; his head grey , & h horned ; as he is described by the Antients : his beard of the like mixt colour ▪ he was gyrlonded with Alga , or Sea-grasse ; and in his hand a Trident .

NIGER , in forme and colour of an Aethiope ; his haire , and rare beard curled , shadowed with a blew , and bright mantle : his front , neck , and wrists adorned with Pearle , and crowned , with an artificiall wreath of Cane , and Paper-rush .

These induced the Masquers , which were twelue Nymphs , Negro's ; and the daughters of NIGER ; attended by so many of the i OCEANIAE which were their Light-bearers .

The Masquers were placed in a great concaue shell , like mother of Pearle , curiously made to moue on those waters , and rise with the billow ; the top therof was stuck with a cheu'rō of lights , which , indented to the proportion of the shell , strooke a glorious beame vpon them , as they were seated , one aboue another : so that they were all seene , but in an extrauagant order .

On sides of the shell , did swim sixe huge Sea-monsters , varied in their shapes , and dispositions , bearing on their backs the twelue Torch bearers ; who were planted there in seuerall graces ; so as the backs of some were seene ; some in purfle , or side ; others in face ; & all hauing their lights burning out of Whelks , or Murex shels .

The attire of the Masquers was alike , in all , without difference : the colours , Azure , and Siluer ; but returned on the top with a scrole and antique dressing of Feathers , and Iewels interlaced with ropes of Pearle . And , for the front , eare , neck , and wrists , the ornament was of the most choise and orient Pearle ; best setting of from the black .

For the Light bearers , Sea-greene , moued about the skirts with gold and siluer their hayre loose , and flowing , gyrlanded with Sea-grasse , and that stuck with branches of Corall .

These thus presented , the Scene behind , seemed a vast Sea ( and vnited with this that flowed forth ) from the terminaton , or horizon of which ( being the leuell of the State , which was placed in the vpper end of the Hall ) was drawne , by the lines of Prospectiue , the whole worke shooting downewards , from the eye ; which decorum made it more conspicuous , and caught the eye a far of with a wandring beauty . To which was added an obscure and cloudy night-piece , that made the whole set of . So much for the bodily part . Which was of Maister YNIGO IONES his designe , and act .

By this , one of the Tritons , with the two Sea-Maides , began to sing to the others lowd Musique , their voyces being a tenor , and two trebles .

SONG . SOund , sound aloud The welcome of the orient Floud , Into the West ; Fayre , NIGER , k sonne to great OCEANVS , Now honord , thus , With all his beauteous race : 〈◊〉 though but black in face , Yet , are they bright , And full of life , and light . To proue that Beauty best , Which not the colour , but the feature Assures vnto the creature . OCEANVS . BE silent , now the Ceremonies done . And NIGER , say , how comes it , louely Sonne , That thou , the AETHIOPES Riuer , so farre East , Art seene to fall into th' extreamest West Of me , the King of flouds , OCEANVS , And , in mine Empires heart , salute me , thus ? My ceaselesse current , now amazed stands ! To see thy labor , through so many lands , l Mixe thy fresh billow , with my brackishe streame ; And , in thy sweetnesse , stretch thy diademe , To these farre distant , and vn-equall'd skies This squared Circle of coelestiall bodies : NIGER . Diuine OCEANVS , t is not strange at all , That ( since the immortal soules of creatures mortal , Mixe with their bodies , yet reserue for euer A powre of seperation ) I should seuer My fresh streames , from thy brackish ( like things fixed ) Though , with thy powerful saltnes , thus far mixed . " Vertue , though chain'd to earth , will still liue free ; " And Hell it selfe must yeeld to industry . OCEANVS . BVt , what 's the end of thy Herculean labors , Extended to these calme , and blessed shores ? NIGER . TO do a kind , and carefull Fathers part , In satisfiyng euery pensiue heart Of these my Daughters , my most loued birth : Who though they were the k first form'd Dames of earth , And in whose sparckling , and refulgent eyes , The glorious Sunne did still delight to rise ; Though he ( the best Iudge , and most formall Cause Of all Dames beauties ) in their firme hewes , drawes Signes of his feruent'st Loue ; and thereby shewes That , in their black , the perfectst beauty growes ; Since the fix't colour of their curled haire , ( Which is the highest grace of dames most faire ) No cares , no age can change ; or there display The fearefull tincture of abhorred Gray ; Since Death hir selfe ( hir selfe being pale & blew ) Can neuer alter their most faith-full hew ; All which are arguments , to proue , how far Their beauties conquer , in great Beauties warre ; And more , how neere Diuinity they be , That stand from passion , or decay so free . Yet , since the fabulous voyces of some few Poore brain-sicke men , stil'd Poets , here with you , Haue , with such enuy of their graces , sung The painted Beauties , other Empires sprung ; Letting their loose , and winged fictions fly To infect all clymates , yea our purity ; As of one n PHAETON , that fir'd the world And , that , before his heedles flames were hurld About the Globe , the Aethiopes were as faire , As other Dames ; now blacke , with blacke dispaire : And in respect of their complexctions chang'd , Are each where , since , for o luckles creatures rang'd . Which , when my Daughters heard , ( as women are Most iealous of their beauties ) feare , and care Posess'd them whole ; yea , and beleeuing p them , They wept such ceasles teares , into my streame , That it hath , thus far , ouerflow'd his shore To seeke them patience : who haue since , ere more As the Sunne riseth , q chardg'd his burning throne With volleys of reuilings ; cause he shone On their scorch'd cheekes , with such intemperate fires , And other Dames , made Queenes of all desires . To frustrate which strange error , oft , I sought , ( Though most in vaine , against a setled thought As womens are ) till they confirm'd at length By miracle , what I , with so much strength Of argument resisted ; els they fain'd : For in the Lake , where their first spring they gain'd , As they sate , cooling their soft Limmes , one night , Appear'd a Face , all circumfus'd with light ; ( And sure they saw 't , for Aethiopes r neuer dreame ) Wherein they might decipher through the streame , These words . That they a Land must forthwith seeke , Whose termination ( of the Greeke ) Sounds TANIA ; where bright Sol , that heat Their blouds , doth neuer s rise , or set , But in his Iourney passeth by , And leaues that Clymat of the sky , To comfort of a greater Light , Who formes all beauty , with his sight . In search of this , haue we three Princedomes past , That speake out Tania , in their accents last ; Blacke Mauritania , first ; and secondly , Swarth Lusitania ; next , we did descry Rich Aquitania : and , yet , cannot find The place vnto these longing Nymphes design'd . Instruct , and ayde me , great OCEANVS , What Land is this , that now appeares to vs ? OCEANVS . This Land , that lifts into the temperate Ayre His snowy cliffe , is t Albion the fayre ; So call'd of u Neptunes Son , who ruleth here : For whose deare guard , my selfe , ( foure thousand yeare ) Since old Deucalion's daies , haue walk'd the round About his Empire , proud , to see him crown'd Aboue my waues .

At this , the Moone was discouered in the vpper part of the house , triumphant in a Siluer throne , made in figure of a Pyramis . Her garments White , and Siluer , the dressing of her head antique ; & crown'd with a Luminarie , or Sphaere of light : which striking on the clouds , and heightned with Siluer , reflected as naturall clouds do by the splendor of the Moone . The Heauen , about her , was vaulted with blew silke , and set with Starres of Siluer which had in them their seuerall lights burning . The suddaine sight of which , made NIGER to interrupt OCEANVS , with this present passion .

NIGER . — O see , our siluer Starre ! Whose pure , auspicious light greetes vs , thus farre ! Great Aethiopia , Goddesse of our shore , Since , with particular worshippe we adore Thy generall brightnesse , let particular grace Shyne on my zealous Daughters : Shew the place , Which , long , their Longings vrdg'd their eyes to see . Beautifie them , which long haue Deified thee . AETHIOPIA . NIGER , be glad : Resume thy natiue cheare . Thy Daughters labors haue their period here , And so thy errors . I was that bright Face Reflected by the Lake , in which thy Race Read mysticke lines ; ( which skill PITHAGORAS First taught to men , by a reuerberate glasse ) This blessed Isle doth with that TANIA end , Which there they saw inscrib'd , and shall extend Wish'd satisfaction to their best desires . BRITANIA , which the triple world admires , This Isle hath now recouered for her name ; Where raigne those Beauties , that with so much fame The sacred MVSES Sonnes haue honored , And from bright HESPERVS to EOVS spred . With that great name BRITANIA , this blest Isle Hath wonne her ancient dignitie , and stile , A World , diuided from the world : and tri'd The abstract of it , in his generall pride . For were the World , with all his wealth , a Ring , BRITANIA ( whose new name makes all tongues sing ) Might be a Diamant worthy to inchase it , Rul'd by a SVNNE , that to this height doth grace it : Whose Beames shine day , and night , and are of force To blanche an AETHIOPE , and reuiue a Cor's . His light scientiall is , and ( past mere nature ) Can salue the rude defects of euery creature . Call forth thy honor'd Daughters , then ; And let them , 'fore the Brittaine men , Indent the Land , with those pure traces They flow with , in their natiue graces . Inuite them , boldly , to the shore , Their Beauties shal be scorch'd no more : This Sunne is temperate , and refines All things , on which his radiance shines .

Here the Tritons sounded , & they daunced on shore , euery couple ( as they aduanced ) seuerally presenting their Fans : in one of which were inscribed their mixt Names , in the other a mute Hieroglyphick , expressing their mixed quallities . Which manner of Symbole I rather chose , then Imprese , as well for strangenesse , as relishing of antiquity , and more applying to that originall doctrine of sculpture , which the Aegiptians are said , first , to haue brought from the Aethiopians .

  The Names . The Symboles . The Queene . 1 EVPHORIS . 1 A golden Tree , laden with fruict . Co: of Bedford . 1 AGLAIA .   La : Herbert . 2 DIAPHANE . 2 The figure Isocaedron of cristall . Co: of Derby . 2 EVCAMPSE .   La : Riche . 3 OCYTE . 3 A paire of naked feet , in a Riuer . Co: of Suffolke 3 KATHARE .   La : Beuill . 4 NOTIS . 4 The Salamander simple . La : Effingham . 4 PSYCHROTE .   La : El : Howard . 5 GLYCYTE . 5 A clowd full of raine , dropping . La : Sus : Vere . 5 MALACIA .   La : Wroth . 6 BARYTE . 6 An vrne ' spheard with wine . La : Walsingham 6 PERIPHERE .  

The names of the OCEANIAE were . DORIS . PETRAEA . OCYRHOE . CYDIPPE . GLAVCE . TYCHE . BEROE . ACASTE . CLYTIA . IANTHE . LYCORYS . PLEXAVRE .

Their owne single Daunce ended , as they were about to make choice of their Men : One , from the Sea , was heard to call 'hem with this charme , sung by a tenor voyce .

SONG . Come away , come away , We grow iealous of your stay : If you do not stop your eare , We shall haue more cause to feare Syrens of the land , then they To doubt the Syrens of the Sea .

Here they daunc'd with their men , seuerall measures , and corranto's . All which ended , they were againe accited to sea , with a Song of two Trebles , whose cadences were iterated by a double Eccho , from seuerall parts of the Land .

SONG . DAughters of the subtle Flood , Do not let Earth longer intertayne you ; I. Ecch. Let Earth longer intertaine you . 2. Ecch , Longer intertaine you . 'T is to them , inough of good , That you giue this litle hope , to gaine you 1. Ecch. Giue this litle , hope to gaine you . 2. Ecch. Little hope , to gaine you . If they loue , You shall quickly see ; For when to flight you mooue , They 'll follow you , the more you flee 1. Ecch. follow you , the more you flee . 2. Ecch. The more you flee . If not , impute it each to others matter ; They are but Earth , & what you vowd was Water . 1. Ecch : but earth & what you vowd was Water . 2. Ecch : earth & what you vowd was Water . 1. Ecch. And what you vow'd was Water . 2. Ecc : You vow'd was Water . AETHIOPIA . I Nough , bright Nymphes , the night growes old , And we are greiu'd , we can not hold You longer light : But comfort take . Your Father , onely , to the Lake Shall make returne : Your selues with feasts , Must here remaine the Ocean's guests . Nor shall this vayle , the Sunne hath cast Aboue your bloud , more Summers last . For which , you shall obserue these rites . Thirteene times thrise , on thirteene nightes , ( So often as I fill my Sphaere With glorious light , throughout the yeare ) You shall ( when all things els do sleepe Saue your chast thoughts ) with reuerence , steepe Your bodies in that purer brine , And wholsome dew call'd Ros-marine : Then with that soft , and gentler fome , Of which the Ocean , yet , yeelds some , Whereof bright Venus , Beauties Queene , Is sayd to haue begotten beene , You shall your gentler limmes ore-laue , And for your paynes , perfection haue . So that , this night , the yeare gone round , You do againe salute this ground ; And , in the beames of yond' bright Sunne , Your faces dry , and all is done .

At which in a Daunce they returned to the Sea , where they tooke their Shell ; and , with this full Song , went out .

SONG . NOw Dian , with her burning face , Declines apace : By which our Waters know To ebbe , that late did flow . Backe Seas , backe Nymphes ; but , with a forward grace , Keepe , still , your reuerence to the place : And shout with ioy of fauor , you haue wonne , in sight of Albion , Neptunes Sonne .

So ended the first Masque , which ( beside the singular grace of Musicke and Daunces ) had that successe in the nobility of performance ; as nothing needes to the illustration , but the memory by whome it was personated .

THE SECOND MASQVE . Which was of Beauty ; was presented in the same Court , at White-Hall , on the Sunday night , after the twelfth Night . 1608 .

TWo yeares being now past , that her Maiesty had intermitted these delights , and the third almost come ; it was her Highnesse pleasure againe to glorifie the Court , & command that I should thinke on some fit presentment , which should answere the former , still keeping thē the same persons , the Daughters of NIGER , but their beauties varied , according to promise , and their time of absence excus'd , with foure more added to their Number .

To which limitts , when I had apted my inuention , and being to bring newes of them , frō the Sea , I induc'd Boreas , one of the windes , as my fitest Messenger ; presenting him thus .

In a robe of Russet , and White mixt , full , and bagg'd : his haire , and beard rough : and horrid ; his wings gray , and ful of snow , and icycles . His mantle borne from him with wires , & in seueral puffes ; his feet a ending in serpents tayles ; and in his hand a leaueles Branch , laden with icycles .

But before , in midst of the Hall ; to keepe the State of the feast , and season ; I had placed b Ianuary , in a throne of Siluer ; His robe of Ashcoullor long , fringed with Siluer ; a white mantle : His winges white , and his buskins : In his hand a laurell bough , vpon his head an Anademe of laurell , fronted with the signe Aquarius , and the Character . Who as Boreas blusterd forth , discouer'd himselfe .

BOREAS . WHich , among these is Albion , Neptunes Sonne ? IANVARIVS . WHat ignorance dares make that question ? Would any aske , who Mars were , in the wars ? Or , which is Hesperus , among the starres ? Of the bright Planets , which is Sol ? Or can A doubt arise , 'mong creatures , which is man ? Behold , whose eyes do dart Promethean fire Throughout this all ; whose precepts do inspire The rest with duty ; yet commanding , cheare : And are obeyed , more with loue , then feare . BOREAS . WHat Power art thou , that thus informest me ? IANVARIVS . DOst thou not know me ? I , to well , know thee By thy a rude voyce , that doth so hoarcely blow , Thy haire , thy beard , thy wings , ore-hil'd with snow , Thy Serpent feet , to be that rough North-winde , Boreas , that , to my raigne , art still vnkinde . I am the Prince of Months , call'd Ianuary ; Because by me b Ianus the yeare doth vary , Shutting vp warres , proclayming peace , & feasts , Freedome , & triumphes : making Kings his guests . BOREAS . TO thee then , thus , & by thee , to that King , That doth thee present honors , do I bring Present remembrance of twelue Aethiope Dames : Who , guided hither by the Moones bright flames , To see his brighter light , were to the Sea Enioyn'd againe , and ( thence assign'd a day For their returne ) were in the waues to leaue Theyr blacknesse , and true beauty to receaue . IANVARIVS . WHich they receau'd , but broke theyr day : & yet Haue not return'd a looke of grace for it , Shewing a course , and most vnfit neglect . Twise haue I come , in pompe here , to expect Theyr presence ; Twise deluded , haue bene faine With c other rites my Feasts to intertayne : And , now the Third time , turn'd about the yeare Since they were look'd for ; and , yet , are not here . BOREAS . IT was nor Will , nor Sloth , that caus'd theyr stay ; For they were all prepared by theyr day , And , with religion , forward on theyr way : When PROTEVS , d the gray Prophet of the Sea , Met them , and made report , how other foure Of their blacke kind , ( whereof theyr Sire had store ) Faithfull to that great wonder , so late done Vpon theyr Sisters , by bright Albion , Had followed them to seeke BRITANIA forth , And there , to hope like fauor , as like worth . Which Night envy'd , as done e in her despight , And ( mad to see an Aethiope washed white ) Thought to preuent in these ; least men should deeme Her coulor , if thus chang'd , of small esteeme . And so , by mallice , and her magicke , tost The Nymphes at Sea , as they were allmost lost , Till , on an Iland , they by chance arriu'd , That f floted in the mayne ; where , yet , she ' had giu'd sight . Them so , in charmes of darknes , as no might ) Should loose them thence , but theyr chang'd Sisters Whereat the Twelue ( in piety mou'd , & kind ) Streight , put themselues in act , the place to finde ; Which was the Nights sole trust they so will do , That she , with labor , might confound them too . For , euer since , with error hath she held Them wandring in the Ocean , and so quell'd Their hopes beneath their toyle , as ( desperat now Of any least successe vnto their vow ; Nor knowing to returne to expresse the grace , Wherewith they labor to this Prince , and place ) One of them , meeting me at Sea , did pray , That for the loue of my a ORYTHYIA , ( Whose very name did heate my frosty brest , And make me shake my Snow-fill'd wings , & crest ) To beare this sad report I would be wonne , And frame their iust excuse : which here I haue done . IANVARIVS . WOuld thou hadst not begun , vnluckie Winde , That neuer yet blew'st goodnes to mankind ; But with thy bitter , and too piercing breath , Strik'st b horrors through the ayre , as sharp as death .

Here a second Wind came in , VVLTVRNVS , in a blew coulored robe & mantle , pufft as the former , but somewhat sweeter ; his face blacke , and on his c head a red Sunne , shewing he came from the East : his winges of seuerall coullors ; his buskins white , and wrought with Gold .

VVLTVRNVS . ALL horrors vanish , and all name of Death , Bee all things here as calme as is my breath . A gentler Wind , Vulturnus , brings you newes The I le is found , & that the Nymphs now vse Their rest , & ioy . The Nights black charmes are flowne . For , being made vnto their Goddesse knowne , Bright Aethiopia , the Siluer Moone , As she was a Hecate , she brake them soone : And now by vertue of their light , and grace , The glorious Isle , wherein they rest , takes place Of all the earth for Beauty . b There , their Queen Hath raysed them a Throne , that still is seene To turne vnto the motion of the World ; Wherein they sit , and are , like Heauen , whirld About the Earth ; whilst , to them contrary , ( Following those nobler torches of the Sky ) A world of little Loues , and chast Desires , Do light their beauties , with still mouing fires . And who to Heauens consent can better moue , Then those that are so like it , Beauty and Loue ? Hether , as to theyr new Elysium , The spirits of the antique Greekes are come , Poets , and Singers , Linus , Orpheus , all That haue excell'd in c knowledge musicall ; Where , set in Arb●rs made of myrtle , and gold , They liue , againe , these Beautyes to behold . And thence , in flowry mazes walking forth Sing hymnes in celebration of their worth . Whilst , to theyr Songs , two Fountaynes flow , one hight Of lasting Youth , the other chast Delight , That at the closes , from theyr bottomes spring , And strike the Ayre to eccho what they sing . But , why do I describe what all must see ? By this time , nere thy coast , they floating be ; For , so their vertuous Goddesse , the chast Moone , Told them , the Fate of th' Iland should , & soone Would fixe it selfe vnto thy continent , As being the place , by Destiny fore-ment , Where they should slow forth , drest in her attyres : And , that the influence of those holy fires , ( First rapt from hence ) being multiplied vpon The other foure , should make their Beauties one . Which now expect to see , great Neptunes Sonne , And loue the miracle , which thy selfe hast done .

Here , a Curtine was drawne ( in which the Night was painted . ) and the Scene discouer'd . which ( because the former was marine , and these , yet of necessity , to come from the Sea ) I deuisd , should bee an Island , floting on a calme water . In the middst therof was a Seate of state , call'd the Throne of Beautie , erected : diuided into eight Squares , and distinguish'd by so many Ionick pilasters . In these Squares the sixteene Masquers were plac'd by couples : behind them , in the center of the Throne was a tralucent Pillar , shining with seuerall colour'd lights , that reflected on their backs . From the top of which Pillar went seuerall arches to the Pilasters , that sustained the roofe of the Throne , which was likewise adorn'd with lights , and gyrlonds ; And betweene the Pilasters , in front , little Cupids in flying posture , wauing of wreaths , and lights , bore vp the Coronice : ouer which were placed eight Figures , representing the Elements of Beauty ; which aduanced vpon the Ionick , and being females , had the Corinthian order . The first was In a robe of flame colour , a naked brested ; her bright hayre loose flowing : She was drawne in a circle of clowdes , her face , and body breaking through ; and in her hand a branch , with two Roses , a white , and a red . The next to her was In a garment of bright skye-colour , a long tresse , & waued with a vayle of diuers colours , such as the golden skie some-times shewes : vpon her head a cleare , and faire Sunne shining , with rayes of gold striking downe to the feete of the figure . In her hand a b Christall , cut with seuerall angles , and shadow'd with diuerse colours , as causd by refraction . The third In greene ; with a Zone of golde about her Wast , crowned with Myrtle , her haire likewise flowing , but not of so bright a colour : In her hand , a branch of r Myrtle . Her socks of greene , and Gold . The fourth was IN a Vesture of diuerse colours , and all sorts of flowers embroidered thereon . Her socks so fitted . A s Gyrland of flowers in her hand ; her eyes turning vp , and smiling , her haire flowing , and stuck with flowers . The fift IN a garment of Gold , Siluer , and colours weaued : In one hand shee held a t burning Steele , in the other , an Vrne with water . On her head a gyrland of flowers , Corne , Vine-leaues , and Oliue branches , enter-wouen . Her socks , as her garment . The sixth IN a Siluer robe , with a thinne subtle vaile ouer her haire , and it : u Pearle about her neck , and forhead . Her socks wrought with pearle . In her hand shee bore seuerall colour'd x Lillies . The seauenth was IN a dressing of State , the haire bound vp with fillets of gold , the Garments rich , and set with iewells , and gold ; likewise her buskins , and in her hand a y Golden rod . The eight

IN a Vesture of pure Gold , a wreath of Gold vpon her head . About her body the z Zodiack , with the Signes : In her hand a Compasse of gold , drawing a circle .

On the top of all the Throne , ( as being made out of all these ) stood

A Personage , whose dressing had something of al the others , & had her robe painted full of Figures . Her head was compass'd with a crowne of Gold , hauing in it a seauen iewells equally set . In her hand a Lyra , wheron she rested .

This was the Ornament of the Throne . The ascent to which , consisting of sixe steppes , was couered with a b multitude of Cupids ( chosen out of the best , and most ingenuous youth of the Kingdome , noble , and others ) that were the Torch-bearers ; and all armed , with Bowes , Quiuers , Winges , and other Ensignes of Loue . On the sides of the Throne , were curious , and elegant Arbors appointed : & behind , in the back part of the I le , a Groue , of growne trees laden with golden fruict , which other little Cupids plucked , and threw each at other , whilst on the ground c Leuerets pick'd vp the bruised apples , and left them halfe eaten . The Ground-plat of the whole was a subtle indented Maze : And , in the two formost angles , were two Fountaines , that ranne continually , the one d Hebe's , the other e Hedone's : In the Arbors , were plac'd the Musitians , who represented the Shades of the old Poets , & were attir'd in a Priest-like habit of Crimson , and Purple , with Laurell gyrlonds .

The colours of the Masquers were varied ; the one halfe in Orenge-tawny , and Siluer : the other in Sea-greene , and Siluer . The bodies and short skirts of White , and Gold , to both .

The habite , and dressing ( for the fashion ) was most curious , and so exceeding in riches , as the Throne wheron they sat , seem'd to be a Mine of light , stroake frō their iewells , & their garmēts .

This Throne , ( as the whole Iland mou'd forward , on the water , ) had a circular motion of it owne , imitating that which we cal Motum mundi , from the East to the West , or the right to the left side . For so Hom. Ilia M. vnderstāds by {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , Orientalia mundi : by {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , Occidentalia . The steps , wheron the Cupids sate , had a motion contrary , with Analogy , ad motum Planetarum , from the West to the East : both which turned with their seuerall lights . And with these three varied Motions , at once , the whole Scene shot it selfe to the Land .

Aboue which , the Moone was seene in a Siluer Chariot , drawne by Virgins , to ride in the cloudes , and hold them greater light : with the Signe Scorpio , and the Character , plac'd before her .

The order of this Scene was carefully , and ingeniously dispos'd ; and as happily put in act ( for the Motions ) by the Kings Master Carpenter . The Paynters , I must needes say , ( not to belie them ) lent small colour to any , to attribute much of the spirit of these things to their pen'cills . But that must not bee imputed a crime either to the inuention , or designe .

Here the loude Musique ceas'd ; and the Musitians , which were placed in the Arbors , came forth through the Mazes , to the other Land : singing this full Song , iterated in the closes by two Eccho's , rising out of the Fountaines .

SONG . WHen Loue , at first , did mooue From f out of Chaos , brightned So was the world , and lightned , As now ! Ecch. As now ! Ecch. As now ! Yeeld Night , then , to the light , As Blacknesse hath to Beauty ; Which is but the same duety . It was g for Beauty , that the World was made , And where shee raignes , h Loues lights admit no shade . Ecch. Loues lights admit no shade . Ecch. Admit no shade .

Which ended , Vulturnus the Wind , spake to the Riuer Thamesis that lay along betweene the shores , leaning vpon his Vrne ( that flow'd with water , ) and crown'd with flowers ; with a blew cloth of Siluer robe about him : and was personated by Maister THOMAS GILES , who made the Daunces .

VVLTVRNVS . RIse aged Thames , and by the hand Receiue these Nymphes , within the land : And , in those curious Squares , and Rounds , Wherewith thou flow'st betwixt the grounds Of fruictfull Kent , and Essex faire , That lend thee gyrlands for thy haire ; Instruct their siluer feete to tread , Whilst we , againe to sea , are fled .

With which the Windes departed ; and the Riuer receiu'd them into the Land , by couples & foures , their Cupids comming before them .

Their Persons were . The QVEENE . La. ARABELLA . Co. of ARVNDEL . Co. of DERBY . Co. of BEDFORD . Co. of MONTGOMERY . La. ELIZ. GILFORD . La. KAT. PETER . La. ANNE WINTER . La. WINSORE . La. ANNE CLIFFORD . La. MARY NEVILL . La. ELIZ. HATTON . La. ELIZ. GARRARD . La. CHICHESTER . La. WALSINGHAM .

The dauncing forth a most curious Daunce , full of excellent deuice , and change , ended it in the figure of a Diamant , and so , standing still , were by the Musitians , with a second Song ( sung by a loud Tenor ) celebrated .

SONG . SO Beauty on the waters stood , ( When Loue had i seuer'd earth , from flood ! So when he parted ayre , from fire , He did with concord all inspire ! And then a Motion he them taught , That elder then himselfe was thought . Which thought was , yet , k the child of earth , For Loue is elder then his birth .

The Song ended ; they Daunced forth their second Daunce , more subtle , and full of change , then the former ; and so exquisitely performed ; as the Kings Maiestie incited first ( by his owne liking , to that which all others , there present , wish'd ) requir'd them both againe , after some time of dauncing with the Lords . Which time , to giue them respite , was intermitted with Song ; first by a treble voyce , in this manner .

SONG IF all these Cupids , now , were blind As is a their wanton Brother ; Or play should put it in their mind To shoot at one another : What pretty battayle they would make If they their obiects should mistake And each one wound his Mother !

Which was seconded by another treble ; thus .

SONG . IT was no politie of Court , Albee ' the place were charmed , To let in earnest , or in sport , So many Loues in , armed . For say , the Dames should ▪ with their eyes , Vpon the hearts , here , meane surprize ; Were not the men like harmed ?

To which a tenor answerd .

SONG . YEs , were the Loues or false , or straying ; Or Beauties not their beauty waighing : But here , no such deceipt is mix'd , Their flames are pure , their eyes are fix'd : They do not warre , with different darts , But strike a musique of like hearts .

AFter which Songs , they daunc'd Galliards , & coranto's ; and with those excellent Graces , that the Musique , appointed to celebrate them , shew'd it could be silent no longer : but by the first Tenor , admit'd them thus .

SONG . HAd those , that dwell in error foule , And hold b that women haue no soule , But seene these moue ; They would haue , then Sayd , Women were the soules of Men . So they do moue each heart , and eye With the c Worlds soule , true Harmonie .

HEere , they daunc'd a third most elegant , and curious Daunce , and not to be describ'd againe , by any art , but that of their owne footing : which , ending in the figure , that was to produce the fourth , Ianuary from his state saluted them , thus ,

IANVARIVS . YOur grace is great , as is your Beauty , Dames ; Inough my Feasts haue prou'd your thankfull flames . Now vse your Seate : that seate which was , before , Thought stray'ing , vncertayne , floting to each shore , And to whose hauing euery Clime layd clayme , Each Land , and Nation vrged as the ayme Of their ambition , Beauties perfect Throne , Now made peculiar , to this place , alone ; And that , by'impulsion of your destenies , And his attractiue beames , that lights these Skies : Who ( though with th' Ocean compass'd ) neuer wets His hayre therein , nor weares a beame that sets . Long may his light adorne these happy rites As I renew them ; and your gratious sights Enioy that happinesse , eu'en to envy , ' as when Beauty , at large , brake forth , and conquer'd men .

At which they daunc'd theyr last dance , into their Throne againe : and that turning , the Scene clos'd with this full Song .

SONG . STill turne , and imitate the Heauen In motion swift and euen ; And as his Planets goe , Your brighter lights do so : May Youth and Pleasure euer flow . But let your State , the while , Be fixed as the Isle . Cho So all that see your Beauties sphaere Cho May know the Elysian Fields are here . Echo . Th' Elysian feilds are here . Echo . Elysian feilds are here . The end .
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A04643-e100100 a Natu Hist. lib. 5 cap 8. b Poly hist. cap. 40. & 43. c Lib 4. cap. 5 d Descrip. Afric e Some take it to be the same with Nilus , which is by Lucan called Melas , signifying Niger . Howsoeuer , Plinie , in the place aboue noted , hath this : Nigri fluuio cadem natura , quae N●lo , calamum , papyrum , & casdem gigni● an . mantes . See Solin . aboue mentioned . f The forme of these 〈◊〉 , with their trumpets , you may read liuely describd , in Ouid. Met●m . lib. 1. Caeruleū Tritona vocat . &c and in Virgil , A●ne●d lib. 10. Hunc 〈◊〉 immunis 〈◊〉 . & se●●●nt . g Li●ian in PHΓO● . {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} presents Nilus so . Equa fli●●●atili insia●ntem . And Statius Neptune , in The● . h The Antients induc'd Oceanus alwayes with a Buss he●di propter ●●m ventorū , a quibus incitatur , & impellitur : vel quia Tauris 〈◊〉 fremitū emittat , vel quia tanquam Taurus suribundus , in littera seratur . Eurip'd . in Oreste .. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} And R●uers somtimes were so call'd . Looke Virg. de Tib●ri , et Eridan● . Geor. 4. A●n●id . 8. Hor. car . lib. 4. Ode ●4 . and Eurip. in Iore . i The Daughters of Oceanus , & ●ethys . See Hesiod in Theago ▪ Orphe in Hym. and Virgil in Georgie . k All Riuers are sayd to be the sonnes of the Ocean : for , as the Antients thought , out of the vapours , exhaled by the heate of the Sunne , Riuers , and Fountaines were begotten . And both by Orph. in Hymn ▪ and Homer Iliad . {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Oceanus is celebrated tanquam Pater , & origo dijs , & rebus , quia nihil sine humec●atione nascitur , aut puirescit . l There wants not inough , in nature , to authorise this part of our fiction , in seperating Niger , from the Ocean , ( beside the fable of Alph●us , and that , to which Virgil alludes of Arethusa in his 10. Eclog. Sic tibi , cum fluctus subterlabere Sicanos , Doris amara suam non intermisicat vndam ) examples of Nilus , Iordan , and others , whereof see Nican . lib. 1. de flumin . and Plut. in vita Syllae . euen of this our riuer ( as some thinke ) by the name of Melas . k Read Diod. Sicul. lib. 3. It is a coniecture of the old Ethnicks , that they , which dwell vnder the South , were the first begotten of the earth . n Notissima fabula . Ouid. Met. lib. 2. o Alluding to that of Iuuenall , Satir. 5. Et cui per m●diam nolis occurrerenoctem . p The Poets . q A custome of the Aethiopes , notable in Herod and Diod ▪ Sic. See Plinie . Nat. Hist. lib. 5. cap. 8. r Plin. ibid. s Consult with Tacitus . in vita Agric . and the Paneg. ad Constant. t Orpheus in his Argonaut . calls it {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . u Alluding to that rite of stiling Princes , after the name of their Princedomes : so is he still Albion , and Neptunes sonne that gouernes . As also his being deare to Neptune , in being so embrac'd by him . The Aethiopians worshipd the Moone , by that surname . See Stepha . {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . in voce {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} and his reasons . Diod. Sicul Herod . Hesiod . in . Theog
Notes for div A04643-e103270 a So Paus. in Eliacis reports him to haue , as he was carued in ar●● Cips●lli . b See , Iconolog . di Cesare Ripa . a Ouid Metam : lib. 6. neere the end see . — horridas i●â , quae soli●a est ●lli , nimiu●que domestica , vento , &c. b See the offices , and power of Ianus . Ouid. Fast. 1. c Two marriages ; the one of the Earle of Essex . 1606. the other of the Lord Hay . 1607 . d Read his description , with Virg. Geor. 4. Est in Carpathio Neptuni gurgite vates , Caeruleus Proteus . e Because they were before of her complexion . f To giue authority to this part of our fiction . Plinie hath a Chap. 95. of his 2. booke . Nat. Hist. de Insulis fluctuantib●● ▪ & , Card. lib. 1 de rerum varī . et . Cap. vij. reports one , to be in his time knowne , in the Lake of Loumond , in Scotland . to let passe that of Delos . &c. a The daughter of Erectheus , King of Athens , whome Boreas rauish'd a way , into Thrace , as shee was playing with other virgins by the floud Ilissus : or ( as some will ) by the Fountaine Cephisus . b

The violēce of Boreas Ouid excellently describes in the place aboue quoted .

Hác nubila pello , hác freta concutio , nodosaque robora verto , Induroque . niues , et terras grandine pulso .

c According to that of Vir. Denuntiat igneus Eu●●● . a She is call'd {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , by Eurip. in Helena . which is Lucifera , to which name we here presently allude . b For the more full and cleare vnderstanding of that which followes , haue recourse to the succeeding pages ; where the Scene presents it selfe . c So Terence . and the Antients calld Poesy , Artem musicam . a The Rose is call'd , elegantly , by Achil. Tat. lib. 2. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , the splendour of Plants , and is euery where taken for the Hieropglyphick of Splendour . b As this of Serenity . , applying to the Opticks reason of the Raine-bowe ▪ and the Mythologists making her the Daughter of Electra . r So Hor. lib. 1. Od. 4. makes it the ensigne of the Spring . Nunc decet ●ut viridi nitidum caput impedire myrto , aut sl●re , terrae quem ferunt solutae . &c. s They are euery where the tokens of gladnesse , at al feasts , sports . t The signe of temperature , as also her girlond mixed of the foure Seasons . u Pearles , with the auntients , were the speciall Hieroglyphicks of louelinesse , in quibus nitor tantùm & leuor expetebantur . x So was the Lilly , of which the most delicate Citty of the Persians was called Susae : signifiyng that kind of flower , in their tongue . y The signe , of honor , & dignity . z Both that , & the Compasse are known ensignes of perfection . a She is so describ'd in Iconolog . di Cesare Ripa , his reason of 7. iewells , in the crowne , alludes to Pythagoras his comment , with Mac. lib. 2. Som. Sci. of the seauen Planets and their Spheares . b The inducing of many Cupids wnts not defence , with the best and most receiu'd of the Antients , besides Prop. Stati . Claud. Sido : Apoll especially Phil. in Icon. Amor . whome I haue particularly followed , in this description . c They were the notes of Louelinesse and sacred to Venus . See Phil. in that place , mentiond . d Of youth . e Of pleasure . f So is he faind by Orpheus , to haue appear'd first of all the Gods : awakend by Clotho , and is therefore call'd Phanes , both by him , & Lactantius . g An agreeing opinion , both with Diuines and Philosophers , that the great Artificer in loue with his own Idaea , did , therefore , frame the world . h Alluding to his name of Himerus , and his signification in the name , which is Desiderium posta spectum : and more then Eros , which is only Cupido , ex aspectu amare . i As , in the Creation , he is sayd , by the Antients , to haue done . k That is , borne since the world , and , out of those duller apprehensions that did not thinke he was before . a I make these different from him , which they faine caecum cupidinē , or petulantem . as I expresse beneath in the third song . these being chast Loues , that attend a more diuine beauty , then that of Loues commune parent . b There hath beene such a prophane Paradoxe published . c The Platonicks opinion . See also Mac. lib. 1. and 2. Som. Scip. For what Countrey is it thinks not her owne beauty fayrest , yet ?
Machine-generated castlist A04643-januarius 5 A04643-boreas 4 A04643-niger 3 A04643-oceanus 3 A04643-aethiopia 2 A04643-vulturnus 2
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l●b Tritona vocat . &c and in Virgil , A●ne●d lib. . 10. Hunc 〈◊〉 imm●n●s 〈◊〉 . & se●●●nt impellit●r propter ●●m ventorū , a quibus incitatur , & impellitur : vel quia Tauris 〈◊〉 fremitū emittat , Plut▪ whereof see Nican . lib. 1. de flumin . and Plut. in vita Syllae . euen of this our riuer Hi●roglyphick Plants , and is euery where taken for the Hieropglyphick of Splendour . Myt●o●●gists Opticks reason of the Raine-bowe ▪ and the Mythologists making her the Daughter of Electra . P●arles Pearles , with the auntients , were the speciall C●ranto's which Songs , they daunc'd Galliards , & coranto's ; and with those excellent Graces , that
A00958 ---- The bloody brother A tragedy. By B.J.F. Fletcher, John, 1579-1625. 1639 Approx. 165 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 38 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A00958 STC 11064 ESTC S102322 99838111 99838111 2470 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A00958) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 2470) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 800:06) The bloody brother A tragedy. By B.J.F. Fletcher, John, 1579-1625. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Massinger, Philip, 1583-1640. [78] p. Printed by R. Bishop, for Thomas Allott, and Iohn Crook, and are to be sold in Pauls Churchyard, at the signe of the Greyhound, London : 1639. B.J.F. = John Fletcher. The attribution to Fletcher is not certain. Probably by him and Ben Jonson, revised by Philip Massinger. Most subsequent editions are entitled "Rollo Duke of Normandy". Signatures: A⁴ (-A1.4) B-G⁴ g1 (=A4) ² G-I⁴. First quire G and g1 are an interpolation to supply missing text. A1 is blank, but was probably intended to be removed when A4 was moved to g1; not included in pagination above. Reproduction of the original in Dyce Library, Victoria and Albert Museum. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2000-00 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2001-11 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-02 TCP Staff (Oxford) Sampled and proofread 2002-02 TCP Staff (Oxford) Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-03 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE BLOODY BROTHER . A Tragedy . By B. I. F. LONDON , Printed by R. Bishop , for Thomas Allott , and Iohn Crook , and are to be sold in Pauls Churchyard , at the signe of the Greyhound 1639. The drinking Song , to the second Act. Drink to day and drowne all sorrow , You shall perhaps not doe it to morrow . Best while you have it use your breath , There is no drinking after death . Wine works the heart up , wakes the wi● , There is no cure gainst age but it . It helps the head-ach , cough and tissick , And is for all diseases Physick . Then let us swill boyes for our health , Who drinks well , loves the common wealth . And he that will to bed goe sober , Falls with the leafe still in October . Finis . THE BLOODY BROTHER . Act I. Scene I. Enter Gisbert and Baldwin . THe brothers then are mett ? Gis. They are , sir. Bald. 'T is thought , they may be reconcil'd . Gis. T is rather wish't , for such , whose reason doth direct their thoughts without selfe flattery● dare not hope it , Baldwin . The fires of Love , which the dead Duke beleev'd His equall care of both would have united , Ambition hath divided : and there are Too many on both parts , that know they cannot Or rise to wealth or honour , their maine ends , Unlesse the tempest of the Princes fury Make troubled seas , and those seas yeeld fit billowes In their bad arts to give way to a calme , Which yeilding rest and good , prove their ruine , And in the shipwrack of their hopes and fortunes , The Dukedome might be sav'd , had it but ten That stood affected to the generall good , With that confirm'd zeale which brave Aubrey does . Gis. Hee is indeed the perfect character Of a good man , and so his actions speak him . Bald. But did you observe the many doubts , and c●ution● The brothers stood upon before they mett ? Gis. I did ; and yet , that ever brother should Stand on more nice termes , than sworn enemies After a warre proclaim'd , would with a stranger Wrong the reporters credit ; they saluted At distance ; and so strong was the suspition Each had of other , that before they durst Embrace , they were by sev'rall servants searcht , As doubting conceal'd weapons , antidotes Tane openly by both , fearing the roome Appoynted for the enter-view was poyson'd , The chaires , and cushions , with like care survay'd ; And in a word in every circumstance So jealous on both parts , that it is more Than to be fear'd , Concord can never joyne Minds so divided . Bald. Yet our best endeavours Should not bee wanting , Gisbert . Gis. Neither shall they . Ent. Grandpree and Verdon But what are these ? Bald. They are without my knowledge ; But by their Manners , and Behaviours , They should expresse themselves . Grand . Since wee serve Rol●o The Elder brother , we●le be Rollians , Who will maintaine us , l●ds , as brave as Romans ; You stand for him ? Ver. I doe . Gra●d . Why , then observe How much the businesse , your so long'd for businesse , By men that are nam'd from their swords concernes you . Lechery , our common freind , so long kept under , With whips , and beating fatall hemps , shall rise , And bawdery , in a French-hood plead , before her Virginity shall be catted . Ver. Excellent ! Grand . And Hell but grant , the quarrell that 's between The Princes may continue , and the businesse That 's of the sword , t' outlast three suits in Law , And we will make Atturnies lansprisadoes , And our brave gown-men practisers of back-sword ; The pewter of all Serjeants maces shall Be melted , and turn'd into common flaggons , In which it shall be lawfull to carouse To their most lowsie fortunes . Bald. Here 's a Statesman . Grand . A creditor shall not● dare , but by petition , To make demand of any dept ; and that Only once every leap-yeere , in which , if The debtor may be won for a French crowne To pay a Saulz , hee shall be registred His benefactor . Ver. The Chancellor heares you . Grand . Feare not , I now dare speak as loud as hee , And will be heard , and have all I speak , Law ; Have you no eyes ? there is a reverence due , From children of the Gown , to men of Action : How 's this ? Grand . Even so ; the times , the times are chang'd All businesse is not now preferrd in parchment , Nor shall a grant passe that wants this broad seale ; This seale d' ye see ? your gravity once layd My head and heeles together in the dungeon , For cracking a scall'd officers crowne , for which A time is come for vengeance , and expect it ; For know , you have not full three houres to live . Gis. Yes , somewhat longer . Gran. To what end ? Gis. To hang you ; think on that Ruffian . Gran. For you , schoolemaster , You have a pretty daughter ; let me see , Neere three a clock , ( by which time I much feare , I shall be●yrd with kil●ing some five hundred ) Provide a bath , and her to entertaine me , And that shall be your ransome . Bald. Impudent Rascall . Enter to them Trevi●e and Duprete . Gis. More of the crew . Gran. What are you ? Rollians ? Tre. No ; this for Rollo , and all such as serve him ; We stand for Otto . Gran. You seeme men of fashion , And therefore I 'le deale fairely , you shall have The honour this day to be chronicled The first men kild by Grandpree ; you see this sword● A pretty foolish toy , my valour's servant , And I may boldly say a gentleman , It having made when it was Charlemaignes , Three thousand knights ; this sir , shall cut your throat , And doe you all faire service else . Tre. I kisse your hands for the good offer ; here 's another too , the servant of your servant● shall be proud to be scour'd in your sweet gutts ; till when pray you command me . Gran. Your Idolater , ●ir . Exeunt : manent Gisb. & Bald. Gis. That e're such should hold the names of men , Or Justice be held cruelty , when it labours To pluck such weeds up ! Bald. Yet they are protected , and by the great ones . Gis. Not the good ones , Baldwin . Enter to them Aubrey . Aub. Is this a time to be spent thus by such As are the principall ministers of the State ? When they that are the h●ads , have filld the Court With factions , a weake woman only left To s●ay their bloody hands ? can her weake armes Alone divert the dangers ready now ●o fall upon the Common-wealth , and bury The honours of it , leaving not the name Of what it was . Oh Gisbert , the faire trialls And frequent proofs which our late master made , Both of your love and faith , gave him assurance , To chuse you at his death a Guardian ; nay , A father to his sons ; and that great trust How ill doe you discharge ? I must be plaine , That , at the best , y' are a sad looker on Of those bad practices you should prevent● And where 's the use of your Philosophy In this so needfull a time ? be not secure ; For , Baldwin , be assur'd , since that the Princes When they were young , and apt for any forme , Were given to your instruction , and grave ordering ; 'T will be expected that they should be good , Or their bad manners will b' imputed yours . Bald. 'T was not in one , my Lord , to alter nature , Gis. Nor can my counsells work on them that will ●o . Vouchsafe me hearing . Aub. Doe these answers sort , Or with your place , or persons , or your yeeres ; Can Gi●bert being the pillar of the Lawes , See them trod under foot , or forc'd to serve The Princes unjust ends ; and with a frowne Be silenc'd from exclaiming on th' abuse ; Or Baldwin only weep the desp'rate madnesse Of his seduced pupills ? see their minds , Which with good artes he labour'd to build up Examples of succeeding Times , o'returnd By undermining parasites ; no one precept Leading to any Arte , or great , or good , But is forc'd from their memory , in whose roome Black councells are receiv'd , and their retirements , And secret conference producing only Dev'lish designes , a man would shame to father ; But I talk when I should doe , and chide others For that I now offend in : See 't confirm'd , Now doe , or never speak more . Gis. We are yours . Enter Rollo , Latorch , Trevile , Grandpree , Otto , Verdon , and Duprete . Rol. You shall know whom I am . Ot. I doe , my equall . Rol. Thy Prince● give way , — were we alone , I 'de force thee , In thy best blood , to write thy selfe my subject , And glad I would receive it . Aub. Sir. Gis. Deare Lord. Ot. Thy subject ? Rol. Yes , nor shall tame patience hold me A minute longer , only halfe my selfe ; My birth gave me this Dukedome , and my sword Shall change it to the common grave of all That tread upon her bosome , ere I part with A peece of earth , or title that is mine . Ot. It needs not , and I would scorne to receive , Though offerd , what I want not : therefore know From me , though not deliver'd in great words , Eyes red with rage , poore pride , and threatned action : Our father at his death , then , when no accent , Wer 't thou a son , could fall from him in vaine , Made us Coheires● our part of Land and Honours Of equall waight ; and to see this confirm'd , The oaths of these are yet upon record , Who though they should forsake me , and call downe The plagues of perjury on their sinfull heads , I would not leave my selfe . Tre. Nor will we see the Will of the dead Duke infring'd . Lat. Nor I the elder rob'd of what 's his right . Grand . Nor you ? Let me take place , I say , I will not see 't ; My sword is sharpest . Aub. Peace you tinder-boxes , That only carry matter to make a flame Which will consume you . Rol. You are troublesome , To Baldwi● ● This is no time for arguments , my Title Needs not your schoole-defences , but my sword , With which the Gordian of your Sophistry Being cut , shall shew th' Imposture . For your laws , To Gisbert . It is in me to change them when I please , I being above them ; Gisbert would you have me protect them● Let them now stretch their extreamest rigour , And seize upon that traytour ; and your tongue Make him appeare first dangerous , then odious ; And after , under the pretence of safety , For the sick State , the Lands and Peoples quiet , Cut off his head : and I 'le give up my sword , And fight with them at a more certain weapon To kill , and with authoritie . Gis. Sir , I grant the Laws are usefull weapons , but found ou● T' assure the Innocent , not to oppresse . Rol. Then you conclude him Innocent ? Gis. The Power your father gave him , must not prove a Crime , Aub. Nor should you so receive it . Bald. To which purpose , All that dare challenge any part in goodnesse , Will become suppliants to you . Rol. They have none That dare move me in this ; hence , I defie you , Be of his party , bring it to your lawes , And thou thy double heart , thou popular foole , Your morall rules of Justice and her ballance ; I stand on mine owne guard . Ot. Which thy injustice Will make thy enemies ; by the memory Of him , whose better part now suffers for thee , Whose reverend ashes with an impious hand Thou throw'st out to contempt , in thy repining At his so Just decree ; thou art unworthy Of what his last Will , not thy merits , gave thee , That art so swoln● within , with all those mischiefes That e're made up a Tyrant , that thy brest , The prison of thy purposes , cannot hold them , But that they break forth , and in thy ow●e words Discover , what a monster they must serve That shall acknowledge thee . Rol. Thou shalt not live to be so happy . Aub. Nor your miseries begin in murther , Duty , allegeance , and all respects of what you are , forsake me : Doe you stare on ? is this a Theater ? Or shall these kill themselves , like to mad fencers , To make you sport ? keep them asunder , or By heaven I 'le charge on all . Grand . Keep the peace . I am for you , my lord , and if you 'le have mee , I 'le act the Constables part . Aub. Live I to see this ? Will you doe that your enemies dare not wish , And cherish in your selves those furies , which Hell would cast out ? Doe , I am ready● kill mee , And these , that would fall willing sacrifices To any power that would re●tore your reason , And make you men againe , which now you are not● Rol. These are your bucklers boy . Ot. My hinderances ; And were I not confirm'd , my Justice in The taking of thy life , could not weigh downe The wrong , in shedding the least drop of blood Of these whose goodnesse only now protects thee , Thou should'st feele I in act would prove my selfe What thou in words do'st labour to appeare . Rol. Heare this , and talke againe ? I 'le break through all● But I will reach thy heart . Ot. 'T is bettes guarded . Enter Sophia . Soph. Make way , or I will force it , who are those● My sonnes ? my shames ; turne all your swords on mee , And make this wretched body but one wound , So this unnaturall quarrell find a grave In the unhappy wombe that brought you forth : Dare you remember that you had a mother , Or look on these gray haires , made so with teares , For both your goods , and not with age ; an● yet Stand doubtfull to obey her ? from mee you had Life , nerves , and faculties , to use these weapons ; And dare you raise them against her , to whom You owe the meanes of being what you are ? Ot. All peace is meant to you . Soph. Why is this warre , then ? As if your armes could be advanc'd , and I Not set upon the rack ? your blood is mine , Your dangers mine , your goodnesse I should share in● I must be branded with those impious markes You stamp on your own foreheads and on mine , If you goe on thus : for my good name therefore , Though all respects of honour in your selves , Bee in your fury choackt , throw down your swords ; Your duty should beswifter than my tongue ; And joyne your hands while they be innocent ; You have heate of blood , and youth apt to Ambition , To plead an easie pardon for what 's past : But all the ills beyond this houre committed , From gods or men must hope for no excuse , Gis. Can you heare this unmov'd , No syllable of this so pious charme , but should have powe● To frustrate all the juggling deceits , With which the divell blinds you . Ot. I begin to melt , I know not how . Rol. Mother , I 'le leave you ; And sir , be thankfull for the time you live , Till wee meeet next ( which shall bee soon and sudden ) To her perswasion for you . Soph. O yet , stay , And rather than part thus , vouchsafe mee hearing As enemies ; how is my soule divided ? My love to both , is equall , as my wishes ; But are return'd by neither ; my griev'd heart , Hold yer a little longer , and then break . I kneele to both , and will speak so , but this Takes from mee th' authority of a mothers power ; And therefore , like my selfe , Otto , to thee , ( And yet observe , son , how thy mothers teares Outstrip her forward words , to make way for 'em . ) Thou art the yonger , Otto , yet be now The first example of obedience to mee , And grow the elder in my love . Ot. The meanes to be so happy ? Soph. This ; yeeld up thy sword , And let thy piety give thy mother strength To take that from thee which no enemies force Could e're dispoyle thee of : why do'st thou tremble , And with a fearefull eye fixt on thy brother , Observ'st his ready sword , as bent against thee ? I am thy armour , and will be pierc'd through , Ten thousand times , before I will give way To any perill may arrive at thee ; And therefore feare not . Ot. 'T is not for my selfe , But for you , mother ; you are now ingag'd In more that lies in your unquestion'd vertue ; For , since you have disarm'd me of defence , Should I fall now , though by his hand , the world May say it was your practise . Soph. All worlds perish , Before my piety turne treasons parent , Take it againe , and stand upon your guard , And while your brother is , continue arm'd ; And yet , this feare is needlesse , for I know , My Rollo , though hee dares as much as man , So tender of his yet untainted valour , So noble , that he dares doe nothing basely . You doubt him ; he feares you ; I doubt and feare Both ; for others safety , and not mine owne . Know yet , my sons , when of necessity You must deceive , or be deceiv'd ; 't is better To suffer treason , than to act the traytor ; And in a war like this , in which the glory Is his that 's overcome : consider then What 't is for which you strive : is it the dukedome ? Or the command of these so ready subjects ? Desire of wealth ? or whatsoever else Fires your ambition ? This still desp'rate madnesse , To kill the people which you would be lords of ; With fire , and sword , to lay that countrey waste Whose rule you seeke for : to consume the treasures , Which are the sinewes of your government , In cherishing the factions that destroy it : Far , far be this from you : make it not questiond Whether you have intrest in that dukedome , Whose ruine both contend for . Ot. I desire but to enjoy my owne , which I will keep . Rol. And rather than posterity shall have cause To say I ruin'd all , devide the dukedome , I will accept the moytie . Ot. I embrace it . Soph. Devide mee first , or teare mee limbe by limbe , And let them finde as many severall graves As there are villages in Normandy : And 't is lesse sinne than thus to weaken it . To heare it mentiond doth already make mee Envie my dead lord , and almost blaspheme Those powers that heard my prayer for fruitfullnesse , And did not with my first birth close my wombe : To mee alone my second blessing proves My first of misery , for if that heaven Which gave mee Rollo , there had stayd his bounty , And Otto , my deare Otto , ne're had been , Or being , had not been so worth my love , The streame of my affection had runne constant Iu one faire current , all my hopes had been Layd up in one ; and fruitfull Normandy In this division had not lost her gloryes : For as t is now , t is a faire diamond , Which being preserv'd intire , exceeds all value , But cut in peeces ( though these peeces are Set in fine gold by the best work-mans cunning ) Parts with all estimation : So this Dukedome , As 't is yet whole , the neighbouring Kings may covet , But cannot compasse ; which divided , will Become the spoile of every barbarous foe That will invade it . Gis. How this works in both ! Bal. Prince Rollos eyes have lost their fire . Gis. And anger , that but now wholly possessed Good Otto , hath given place to pitie . Aub. End not thus Madam , but perfect what 's so well begun . Soph. I see in both , faire signes of reconcilement , Make ●hem sure proofes they are so : the Fates offer To your free choyce , either to live Examples Of pietie , or wickednesse : if the later Blinds so your understanding , that you cannot Pierce through her painted out-side , and discover That she is all deformity within , Boldly transcend all presidents of mischiefe , And let the last , and the worst end of tyrannies , The murther of a mother , but begin The staine of blood you after are to heighten : But if that vertue , and her sure rewards , Can win you to accept her for your guide , To lead you up to heaven , and there fix you The fairest Starres in the bright Spheare of Honour ; Make me the parent of an hundred sonnes , All brought into the world with joy , not sorrow , And every one a father to his countrey , In being now made mother of your concord . Rol. Such , and so good , loud fame for ever speake you . Bal. I , now they meet like Brothers . The Brothers cast away their swords and embrace . Gis. My hearts joy flows through my eyes . Aub. May never womans tongue Hereafter be accus'd , for this ones Goodnesse . Ot. If we contend , from this houre , it shall be How to orecome in brotherly affection . Rol. Otto is Rollo now , and Rollo , Otto , Or as they have one mind , rather one name : From this attonement let our lives begin , Be all the rest forgotten . Aub. Spoke like Rollo . Soph. And to the honour of this reconcilement , Wee all this night will at a publick Feast With choice wines drowne our late feares , and with musick Welcome our comforts . Bald. Sure and certaine ones . Exeunt . Manent Grandpree , Verdon , Trevile , and Duprete . Gran. Did ever such a hopefull businesse end t●us ? Ver. T is fatall to us all , and yet you Grandpree , Have the least cause to feare . Gran. Why ; what 's my hope ? Ver. The certainty that you have to be hang'd● You know the Chancellours promise . Gran. Plague upon you . Ver. What think you of a Bath and a Lords daughter To entertaine you ? Gran. Those desires are off . Frayle thoughts , all friends , no Rollians now , nor Ottoes● The sev'rall court●sies of our swords and servants Deferre to after consequence ; let 's make use Of this nights freedome , a short Parlament to us , In which it will be lawfull to walk freely . Nay , to our drink we shall have meat too , that 's No usuall businesse to the men o'th'sword . Drink deep with me to night , we shall to morrow Or whip , or hang the merryer . Tre. Lead the way then . Exeunt . Act II. Scene I. Enter La●orch and Rollo . VVHy should this trouble you ? Rol. It does , and must doe till I find ease . Lat. Consider then , and quickly ; And like a wise man , take the current with you , Which once turn'd head , will sinke you ; blest occasion Offers her selfe in thousand safeties to you ; Time standing still to point you out your purpose , And resolution ( the true child of Vertue ) Readie to execute : what dull cold weaknesse Has crept into your bosome , whose meere thoughts Like tempests , plowing up the sayling Forrests , Even with their swing were wont to shake downe hazards . What is 't , your mothers teares ? Rol. Pry thee be patient . Lat. Her hands held up ? her prayers , or her curses ? Oh power of paper dropt through by a woman ! Take heed the ●ouldiers see it not ; 't is miserable , In Rollo below miserable ; take heed your friends , The sinewes of your cause , the strength you stirre by , Take heed , I say , they find it not : take heed Your owne repentance ( like a passing-bell ) Too late , and too loud , tell the world y' are perisht : What noble spirit , eager of advancement , Whose imployment is his plough ; what sword whose sharpnesse Waits but the arme to weild it ; or what hope , After the world has blowne abroad this weaknesse , Will move againe , or make a wish for Rollo ? Rol. Are we not friends againe by each oath ratified , Our tongues the Heralds to our hearts ? Lat. Poore hearts then . Rol. Our worthier friends . Lat. No friends sir , to your hono●r ; Friends to your fall : where is your understanding , The noble vessell that your full soule sayld in , Ribb'd round with honours ; where is that ? 't is ruind , The tempest of a womans sighs has sunk it . Friendship , take heed sir , is a smiling harlot That when shee kisses , kills , a soderd friendship Peec'd out with promises ; O painted ruine ! Rol. Latorch , he is my brother . Lat. The more doubted ; For hatred hatcht at home is a tame Tiger , May fawne and sport but never leaves his nature ; The jarres of brothers , two such mighty ones , Is like a small stone throwne into a river , The breach scarce heard , but view the beaten current , And you shall see a thousand angry rings Rise in his face , still swelling and still growing ; So jarres circling distrusts , distrusts breed dangers , And dangers death , the greatest extreme shadow , Till nothing bound 'hem but the shoare their graves ; There is no manly wisedome , nor no safety In leaning to this league , this peec'd patch friendship ; This reard up reconcilement on a billow , Which as it tumbles , totters downe your fortune ; I st not your owne you reach at ? Law and Nature Ushering the way before you ; is not hee Borne and bequeathd your subject ? Rol. Ha. Lat. What foole would give a storme leave to disturb his peace● When he may shut the casement ? can that man Has woon so much upon your pity , And drawne so high , that like an ominous Comet , He darkens all your light ; can this toucht Lyon ( Though now he licks and locks up his fell pawes , Craftily huming , like a catt to cozen you ) But when ambition whetts him , and time fitts him , Leape to his prey , and seizd once , suck your heart out ? Doe you make it conscience ? Rol. Conscience Latorch , what 's that ? Lat. A feare they tye up fooles in , Natures coward , Pauling the blood , and chilling the full spirit With apprehension of meere clouds and shadowes . Rol. I know no conscience , nor I feare no shadowes . Lat. Or if you did ; if there were conscience , If the free soule could suffer such a curbe To the fiery mind , such puddles to put it out ; Must it needs like a rank Vine , run up rudely , And twine about the top of all our happinesse Honour and rule , and there sit shaking of us ? Rol. It shall not , nor it must not ; I am satisfied , And once more am my selfe againe : My mothers teares and womanish cold prayers , Farewell , I have forgot you ; if there be conscience , Let it not come betwixt a crowne and me , Which is my hope of blisse , and I beleeve it : Otto , our friendship thus I blow to ayre , A buble for a boy to play withall ; And all the vowes my weaknesse made , like this , Like this poore heartlesse rush , I rend in peeces : Lat. Now you goe right , sir , now your eyes are open . Rol. My fathers last petition 's dead as he is , And all the promises I closd his eyes with , In the same grave I bury . Lat. Now y' are a man , sir. Rol. Otto , thou shewst my winding sheet before me , Which ere I put it on , like heavens blest fire In my descent I le make it blush in blood ; A Crowne , A Crowne , Oh sacred Rule , now fire mee ; Nor shall the pitty of thy youth , false brother , Although a thousand Virgins kneele before mee , And every droping eye a court of mercy , The same blood with me , nor the reverence Due to my mothers blest womb that bred us , Redeeme thee from my doubts : thou art a wolfe here , Fed with my feares , and I must cut thee from me : A Crowne , A Crowne ; Oh sacred Rule , now fire me : No safety else . Lat. But be not too much stird , Sir , nor to high In your execution : swallowing waters Run deep and silent , till they are satisfied , And smile in thousand Curles , to guild their craft ; Let your sword sleep , and let my two edgd witt work This happy feast , the full joy of your friendships Shall be his last . Rol. How my Latorch ? Lat. Why thus , sir ; I le presently go dive into the Officers That minister at Table● gold and goodnesse , With promise upon promise , and time necessary , I le poure into them . Rol. Canst thou doe it neatly ? Lat. Let me alone , and such a bait it shall be , Shall take off all suspicion . Rol. Goe , and prosper . Lat. Walk in then , and your smoothest face put on sir. Exeunt . Act II. Scene II. Enter the Master Cook , Butler , Pantler , Yeoman of the Cellar , with a Iack of Beere and a Dish . Coo. A Hot day , a hot day , vengeance hot day boyes● Give me some drink , this fire 's a plaguy fretter● Body of me , I 'm dry still ; give me the Iack boy ; This woodden Skiffe holds nothing . Pant. And faith master , what brave new meats ? for here will be old eating . Coo. Old and young , boy , let 'em all eat , I have it ; I have ballasse for their bellies , if they eate a gods name , Let them have ten tire of teeth a peice , I care not ; But. But what new rare munition ? Coo. Pish , a thousand ; I le make you piggs speake French at table , and a fat swan Come sayling out of England with a challenge ; I le make you a dish of calves-feet dance the Canaries , And a consort of cramm'd capons fiddle to 'hem ; A calves head speak an Oracle , and a dozen of Larks Rise from the dish , and sing all supper time ; T is nothing boyes : I have framed a fortification Out of Rye paste , which is impregnable , And against that , for two long houres together , Two dozen of marrow-bones shall play continually : For fish , I le make you a standing lake of white broth , And pikes come ploughing up the plums before them ; Arion , like a Dolphin , playing Lachrymae , And brave king Herring with his oyle and onyon Crownd with a Limon pill , his way prepard With his strong Guard of Pilchers . Pant. I marry master . Coo. All these are nothing : I le make you a stubble Goose Turne o' th' toe thrice , doe a crosse point presently , And sit downe agen , and cry come eat me : These are for mirth . Now sir , for matter of mourning , I le bring you in the Lady Loyne of Veale , With the long love she bore the Prince of Orenge . All. Thou boy , thou . Coo. I have a trick for thee too , And a rare trick , and I have done it for thee . Yeo. What 's that good master ? Coo. 'T is a sacrifice . A full Vine bending , like an Arch , and under The blowne god Bacchus , sitting on a Hogshead , His Altar Beere : before that , a plumpe Vintner Kneeling , and offring incense to his deitie , Which shall be only this , red Sprats and Pilchers . But. This when the Table 's drawne , to draw the Wine on . Coo. Thou hast it right , and then comes thy Song , Butler . Pant. This will be admirable . Yeo. Oh sir , most admirable . Coo. If you le have the pasty speak , 't is in my power , I have fire enough to work it ; come , stand close , And now rehearse the Song , We may be perfect , The drinking Song , and say I were the Brothers . They sing . Well have you borne your selves ; a red Deare Pye , Boyes , And that no leane one , I bequeath your vertues ; What friends hast thou to day ? no citizens ? Pant. Yes father , the old Crew . Coo. By the masse true wenches : Sirra , set by a chine of Beefe , and a hot Pasty , And let the Joll of Sturgeon be corrected : And doe you marke sir , stalke me to a Pheasant , And see if you can shoot her in the Sellar . Pant. God a mercy Lad , send me thy roaring bottles , And with such Nectar I will see 'em filld● That all thou speak'st shall be pure Helicon . Enter Latorche . Monsieur Latorche ? what newes with him ? Save you . Lat. Save you Master , save you gentlemen , You are casting for this preparation ; This joyfull supper for the royall Brothers : I 'm glad I have met you fitly , for to your charge My bountifull brave Butler , I must deliver A Bevie of young Lasses , that must looke on This nights solemnity , and see the two Dukes , Or I shall lose my credit ; you have Stowage ? But. For such freight I le find roome , and be your servant . Coo. Bring them , they shal not starve here I le send 'em victuals Shall work you a good turne , though 't be tend a yes hence , sir. Lat. God-a-mercy noble Master . Coo. Nay , I le do 't . Yeo. And wine they shal not want , let 'em drink like Ducks . Lat. What misery it is that minds so royall , And such most honest bounties , as yours are , Should be confind thus to uncertainties . But. I , were the State once setled , then we had places . Yeo. Then we could shew our selves , and help our friends , sir. Coo. I , then there were some savour in 't , where now We live between two stooles , every houre ready To tumble on our noses ; and for ought we know yet , For all this Supper , ready to fa●t the next day . Lat. I would faine speak unto you out of pitie , Out of the love I beare you , out of honesty , For your owne goods ; nay , for the generall blessing . Coo. And we would as faine heare you , pray goe forward . Lat Dare you but think to make your selves up certainties Your places , and your credits ten times doubled , The Princes favour , Rollos . But. A sweet Gentleman . Yeo. I , and as bountious , if he had his right too . Coo. By the masse , a Royall gentleman , indeed Boyes , He`de make the chinmeyes smoake . Lat. He would do`t friends , And you too , if he had his right , true Courtiers ; What could you want then ? dare you ? Coo. Pray you be short sir. Lat. And this my soule upon 't , I dare assure you , If you but dare your parts . Coo. Dare not mee Monsieur : For I that feare nor fire , nor water , sir , Dare doe enough , a man would think . Yeo. Beleev 't , sir , But make this good upon us you have promis'd , You shall not find us flinchers . Lat. Then I le be sudden . Pant. What may this mean ? and whither would he drive us ? Lat. And first , for what you must doe , because all danger Shall be apparantly ty'd up and mussell'd , The matter seeming mighty : there 's your pardons . Pant. Pardons ? I' st come to that , gods defend us . Lat. And here 's five hundred Crownes in bountious earnest , And now behold the matter . But. What are these , sir ? Yeo. And of what nature ? to what use ? Lat. I imagine . Coo. Will they kill Rats ? they eat my pyes abominably● Or work upon a woman cold as Christmas : I have an old Jade sticks upon my fingers , May I taste them ? Lat. Is your will made ? And have you said your prayers ? for they le pay you : And now to come up to you , for your knowledge , And for the good you never shall repent you If you be wisemen now . Coo. Wise as you will , sir. Lat. These must be put then into the severall meats Young Otto loves , by you into his wine , sir , Into his bread by you , Into his linnen . Now if you desire , you have found the meanes To make you , and if you dare not , you have Found your ruine ; resolve me ere you goe . But. You le keepe your faith with us . Lat. May I no more see light else Coo. Why t is done then ? But. T is done . Pant. T is done which shall be undone . Lat. About it then , farewell , y' are all of one mind . Coo. All ? All : All : All. Lat , Why then all happie . Exit . But. What did wee promise him ? Yeo. Doe you aske that now ? But. I would be glad to know what ' t is . Pan. I le tell you . It is to be all villanes , knaves , and traytors . Coo. Fine wholsome titles . Pan. But if you dare , goe forward . Co● . Wee may be hang'd , drawne , and quarter'd . Pan. Very true , sir. Coo. What a goodly swing I shall give the gallowes ? yet I think too , this may be done , and yet wee may be rewarded , not with a rope , but with a royall master : and yet wee may be hang'd too . Yeo. Say it were done ; who is it done for ? is it not for Rollo ? And for his right ? Coo. And yet we may be hang'd too . But. Or say he take it , say wee be discover'd ? Is not the fame man bound to still protect us ? Are we not his ? But. Sure , he will never fayle us . Coo. If he doe , friends , we shall finde that will hold us ; And yet me thinks , this prologue to our purpose , These crownes should promise more : t is easily done , As easie as a man would roast an egge , If that be all ; for look you , gentlemen , Here stand my broths , my finger slips a little , Downe drops a dose , I stir him with my ladle , And there 's a dish for a Duke : ●lla Podrid● . Here stands a bak'd meat , he wan●● a little seasoning , A foolish mistake ; my Spice-box , gentlemen , And put in some of this , the matter ● ended ; Dredge you a dish of plovers , there 's the Art on 't . Yeo. Or as I fill my wine . Coo. T is very true , sir. Bl●ssing it with your hand , thus quick and neatly first , t is past And done once , t is as easie For him to thank us for it , and reward us . Pan. But t is a● damnd sinne . Coo. O , never feare that . The fire 's my play-fellow , and now I am resolvd , boyes . But. Why then , have with you . Yeo. The same for mee . Pan. For mee too . Coo. And now no more our worships , but our lordships . Pan. Not this yeere , on my knowledge , I le unlord you . Exeunt . Act II. Scene III. Enter Servant , and Sewer . PErfume the roome round , and prepare the table , Gentlemen officers , wait in your places . Sew . Make roome there , Roome for the Dukes meate . Gentlemen , be bare there , Cleere all the entrance : Guard , put by those gapers , And gentlemen-ushers , see the gallery cleere , The Dukes are comming on . Hoboys a banquet . Enter Sophia , between Rollo and Otto , Aubrey , Latorche , Gisbert , Baldwin , Attendants , Hamond , Matilda , Edith . Ser. T is certainly informd . Ot● Reward the fellow , and looke you mainly to it . Ser. My life for yours , sir. Soph. Now am I straight● my lords , and young agen , My long since blasted hopes shoot out in blossomes , The fruits of everlasting love appearing ; Oh! my blest boyes , the honour of my yeares , Of all my cares , the bounteous faire rewarders . Oh! let me thus imbrace you , thus for ever Within a mothers love lock up your friendships : And my sweet sons , once more with mutuall twinings , As one chast bed begot you , make one body : Blessings from heaven in thousand showres fall on you : Aub. Oh! womans goodnesse never to be equall'd , May rhe most sinfull creatures of thy sex But kneeling at thy monument , rise saints . Soph. Sit downe my worthy sons ; my lords . your places . I , now mee thinks ( the table 's nobly furnish ; Now the meat nourishes ; the wine gives spirit ; And all the roome stuck with a generall pleasure , Shewes like the peacefull bowes of happinesse . Aub. Long may it last , and from a heart fill'd with it , Full as my cup : I give it round , my lords . Bald. And may that stubborn heart be drunk with sorrow Refuses it ; men dying now , should take it ; Shake off their miseries , and sleep in peace . Rol. You are sad , my noble brother . Ot. No , indeed , sir. Roph. No sadnesse my son this day . Rol. Pray you eate . Something is here you have lov'd ; taste of this dish It will prepare your stomack . Ot. Thank you brother : I am not now dispos'd to eate . Rol. Or that . You put us out of heart man , come , these bak't meats Were ever your best dyet . Ot. None , I thank you . Soph. Are you well , noble childe ? Ot. Yes , gratious mother . Rol. Give him a cup of wine , then , pledge the health , drink it to mee , I le give it to my mother . Soph. Doe , my best ehilde . Ot. I must not , my best mother , Indeed I dare not : for of late , my body Has been much weakned by excesse of dyet ; The promise of a feaver hanging on mee . And even now ready , if not by abstinence Rol. And will you keep it in this generall freedome ; A little health preferrd before our friendship . Ot. I pray you excuse mee , sir. Rol. Excuse your selfe sir , Come t is your feare , and not your favour brother , And you have done me a most worthy kindnesse My Royall mother , and you noble Lords ; Here , for it now concernes me to speake boldly ; What faith can be expected from his vowes , From his dissembling smiles , what fruite of friendship From all his dull embraces , what blest issue , When he shall brand me here for base suspition , He takes me for a poysoner . Sop. Gods defend it sonne . Rol. For a foule knave , a villaine , and so feares me . Ot. I could say something too . Sop. You must not so sir , Without your great forgetfulnesse of vertue ; This is your brother , and your honour'd brother . Rol. If he please so . ●●p . One noble father , with as noble thoughts , ●●got your mindes and bodies : one care rockt you● ●nd one truth to you both was ever sacred ; Now fye my Otto , whither flyes your goodnesse , Because the right hand has the power of cutting , Shall the left presently cry out t is maymed ? They are one my childe , one power , and one performance , And joyn'd together thus , one love , one body . Aub. I doe beseech your grace , take to your thoughts More certaine counsellors than doubts or feares , They strangle nature , and disperse themselves ( If once beleev'd ) into such fogges and errours That the bright truth her selfe can never se●er : Your brother is a royall gentleman Full of himselfe , honour , and honesty , And take heede sir , how nature bent to goodnesse , ( So streight a Cedar to himselfe ) uprightnesse Be wrested from his true use , prove not dangerous Rol. Nay my good brother knownes I am too patient . Lat. Why should your Grace thinke him a poysoner Has hē no more respect to piety ! And but he has by oath ty'de up his fury Who durst but thinke that thought . Aub. Away thou firebrand . Lat. If men of his sort , of his power , and place The eldest sonne in honour to this Dukedome . Bald. For shame containe thy tongue , thy poysonous tongue That with her burning venome will infect all , And once more blow a wilde fire through the dukedome . Gis. Latorche , if thou be'st honest , or a man , Containe thy selfe . Aub. Goe too , no more , by heaven You le finde y'have playd the foole else , not a word more . Sop. Prithee sweete sonne . Rol. Let him alone sweete mother , and my Lords To make you understand how much I honour This sacred peace , and next my innocence And to avoyd all further difference Discourse may draw on to a way of danger I quit my place , and take my leave for this night , Wishing a generall joy may dwell among you . Aub. Shall we waite on your grace ? Rol. I dare not breake you , Latorche . Exit . Rollo and Latorch● . Ot. Oh mother that your tendernesse had eyes , Discerning eyes , what would this man appeare then , The tale of Synon when he tooke upon him To ruine Troy ; with what a cloud of cunning He hid his heart , nothing appearing outwards , But came like innocence , and dropping pitty , Sighes that would sinke a Navie , and had tales Able to take the eares of Saints , beleefe too , And what did all these ? blew the fire to Illium , Hi● crafty art ( but more refin'd by study ) My brother has put on : oh I could tell you But for the reverence I beare to nature , Things that would make your honest blood runne backward . Sop. You dare tell me ? Ot. Yes , in your private closet Where I will presently attend you ; rise I am a little troubled , but 't will off . Sop. Is this the joy I look'd for ? Ot. All will mend , Be not disturb'd deare mother , I le not faile you . Exit . Sop. and Otto . Bald. I doe not like this . Aub. That is still in our powers , But how to make it so that we may like it . Bald. Beyond us ever ; Latorche me thought was bu●ie , That fellow , if not lookt to narrowly will doe a suddaine mischiefe . Aub. Hell looke to him , For if there may be a devill above all , yet that rogue will make him ; keepe you up this night , And so will I , for much I feare a danger . Bald. I will , and in my watches use my prayers . Exeunt . Act. 3. Scaene . I. Enter Sophia , Otto , Matillda , Edith . Ot. You wonder Madam , that for all the shewes My brother Rollo makes of hearty love And free possession of the Dukedome twixt us ; I notwithstanding should stand still suspiscious , As if beneath those veyles , he did convey Intents and practises of hate , and treason ? Sop. It breeds indeed my wonder . Ot. Which makes mine , Since it is so safe and broad a beaten way , Beneath the name of friendship to betray . Sop. Though in remote and further of affections , These falsehoods are so common , yet in him They cannot so force nature ; Ot. The more neere The bands of truth bind , the more oft they sever , Be●ng better cloakes to cover falshood over . Sop. It cannot be , that fruites the tree so blasting Can grow in nature ; take heede gentle sonne Least some subbornd suggester of these treasons , Beleiv'd in him by you , provok'd the rather His tender envies , to such foule atempts ; Or that your too much love to rule alone Breed not in him this Iealous pas●ion ; Th●re is not any ill we might not beare Were not our good held at a price too deare ? Ot. So apt is treachery to be excused , That innocence is still aloud abused , The fate of vertue even her friends perverts , To plead for vice oft times against their hearts , Heavens blessing is her curse , which she must beare That she may never love . Sop. Alas , my sonne , nor fate , nor heaven it selfe , Can or would wrest my whole care of your good To any least securenesse in your ill : What I urge issues from my curious feare ; Least you should make your meanes to scape your snare , Doubt of sincerenesse is the onely meane Not to insence it , but corrupt it cleane . Ot. I rest as farre from wrong of sincerenesse , As he flyes from the practice , trust me Madam , I know by their confessions , he subborn'd , What I should eate , drinke , touch , or onely have scented , This evening feast was poysoned , but I feare This open violence more , that treacherous oddes Which he in his insa●iate thirst of rule Is like to excute . Sop. Beleeve it Sonne● If still his stomacke be so foule to feede On such grosse objects , and that thirst to rule The state alone be yet unquench'd in him , Poysons and such close treasons aske more time Than can suffice his fiery spirits hast : And were there in him such desire to hide So false a practise , there would likewise rest Conscience and feare in him'of open force , And therefore close nor open you need feare . Mat. Good Madam , stand not so inclin'd to trust What proves his tendrest thoughts to doubt it just , Who knowes not the unbounded flood and sea , In which my brother Rolloes appetites Alter and rage with every puffe and breath , His swelling blood exhales , and therefore heare , What gives my temperate bro●her cause to use His readiest circumspection , and consult For remedy against all his wicked purposes ; If he arme , arme , if he strew mines of treason , Meete him with countermines , it is justice st●ll ( For goodnesse sake ) t' encounter ill with ill . Sop. Avert from us such jnstice , equall heaven , And all such cause of justice . Ot. Past all doubt ( For all the sacred priviledge of night ) This is no time for us to sleepe or rest in ; Who knowes not all things holy are prevented With ends of all impietie , all but Lust , gaine , ambition . Enter Rollo armed , and Latorche . Rol. Perish all the world Ere I but loose one foote of possible Empire , Be slights and colour us'd by slaves and wretches I am exempt by birth from both these curbes , And since above them in all justice , since I sit above in power , where power is given , Is all the right suppos'd of earth and heaven . Lat. Prove both sir , see the traytor . Ot. He comes armed , see Mother , now your c●nfidence . Sop. What rage affects this monster ? Roll. Give me way or perish . Sop. Make thy way viper , if thou thus affect it . Ot. This is a treason like thee . Roll. Let her goe . Sop. Embrace me , weare me as thy shield , my sonne ; And through my breast let his rude weapon runne , To thy lives innoscence . Ot. Play not two parts , Treacher and coward both ; but yeeld a sword , And let thy arming thee be oddes enough Against my naked bosome . Roll. Loose his hold . Mat. Forbeare base murtherer . Roll. Forsake our mother . Sop. Mother , dost thou name me , and put'st off nature thus ? Roll. Forsake her traytour . Or by the spouse of nature through hers , This leads unto thy heart . Ot. Hold. Sop. Hold me still . Ot. For twenty hearts and lives I will not hazard One drop of blood in yours . Sop. Oh thou art lost then . Ot. Protect my innocence , heaven . Sop. Call out murther . Mat. Be murthered all , but save him . Ed. Murther , murther● Roll. Cannot I reach you yet . Ot. No fiend . Roll. Latorche , rescue , I 'me downe . Lat. Vp then , your sword cooles sir , Ply it i' th' flame , and worke your ends out . Roll. Ha , have at you there sir. Enter Aubrey . Aub. Author of prodigies , what sightes are these ? Ot. Oh give me a weapon , Aubrey . Sop. Oh part 'em , part 'em . Aub. For heavens sake no more . Ot. No more resist his fury , no rage can Adde to his mischiefe done . Dyes . Sop. Take spirit my Otto , Heaven will not see thee dye thus . Mat. He is dead , and nothing lives but death of every goodnesse . Sop. Oh he hath slaine his brother , curse him heaven . Roll. Curse and be cursed , it is the fruite of cursing● Latorche , take off here , bring too , of that blood To colour ore my shirt , then rayse the Court And give it out how he atempted us In our bed naked , shall the name of brother Forbid us to inlarge our state and powers ? Or place affects of blood above our reason ? That tells us all things good against another , Are good in the same line against a brother . Exit . Enter Gisbert , Balldwin . Gis. What affaires informe these out-cries ? Aub. See and grieve . Gi● . Prince Otto slaine I Ball. Oh execrable slaughter I What hand hath author'd it ? Aub. Your Schollers , Baldwin . Bald. Vnjustly urg'd , Lord Aubrey , as if I , For being his Schoolemaster , must owne this doctrine , You are his Counsellours , did you advise him To this foule parracide ? Gis. If rule affect this licence , who would live To worse , than dye in force of his obedience ? Bald. Heavens cold and lingring spirit to punish sinne , And humane blood so fiery to commit it , One so outgoes the other , it will never Be turn'd to fit obedience . Aub. Burst it then With his full swing given , where it brookes no bound , Complaints of it are vaine ; and all that rests To be our refuge ( since our powers are strengthlesse ) Is to conforme our wills to suffer freely , What with our murmurs we can never master ; Ladyes , be pleased with what heavens pleasure suffers , Erect your princely countenances and spirits , And to redresse the mischiefes now resistlesse , Sooth it in shew , rather than curse or crosse it ; Which all amends , and vow to it your best , But till you may performe it , let it rest . Gis. Those temporizings are too dull and servile , To breath the free ayre of a manly soule , Which shall in me expire in execrations , Before , for any life I sooth a m●rtherer . Bald. Poure lives before him , till his owne be dry Of all lives services and humaine comforts : None left that lookes at heaven is halfe so base To doe those blacke and hellish actions grace . Enter Rollo , Lat. Ham , and guard . Rol. Haste Latorche And raise the Cittie as the Court is raised Proclaiming the abhor'd conspiracy In plot against my life . Lat. I haste my Lord. Exit . Roll. You there that mourne upon the justly slaine , Arise and leave it if you love your lives , And heare from me what ( kept by you ) may save you . Mat. What will the Butcher doe ? I will not stirre . Roll. Stirre , and unforc't stirre , or stirre never more : Command her , you grave Beldame , that know better My deadly resolutions , since I drew them From the infective fountaine of your owne , Or if you have forgot , this fiery prompter Shall fixe the fresh impression on your heart . Sop. Rise daughter , serve his will in what we may Least what we may not he enforce the rather , Is this all you command us ? Rol. This addition onely admitted , that when I endeavour To quit me of this slaughter you persume not To crosse me with a syllable for your soules ; Murmure , nor thinke against it , but weigh well , It will not helpe your ill , but helpe to more , And that my hand wrought thus farre to my will , Wi●l checke at nothing till his circle fill . Mat. Fill it , so I consent not , but who soothes it Consents , and who consents to tyrannie , does it . Rol. False traytresse die then with him . Aub. Are you mad , to offer at more blood , and make your self More horrid to your people ? I le proclaime , It is not as your instrument will publish . Rol. Doe , and take that along with you — so nimble , Resigne my sword , and dare not for thy soule To offer what thou insolently threatnest ; One word , proclaiming crosse to what Latorch Hath in Commission● and intends to publish . Aub. Well sir , not for your threats , but for your good , Since more hurt to you would more hurt your countrey , And that you must make vertue of the neede That now compells you , I le consent as farre As silence argues to your will proclaimed : And since no more sonnes of your Princely father Survives to rule but you , and that I wish You should rule like your father , with the love And zeale of all your subjects ; this foule slaughter That now you have committed made ashamed With that faire blessing , that in place of plagues , Heaven●ies our me●●ing disposition , which Take here your sword , which now use like a Prince , And no more like a Tyrant . Rol. This sounds well , live and be gracious with us . Gis. and Bal. Oh Lord Aubrey . Mat. He flatters thus ? Sop. He temporizes fitly . Rol. Wonder invades me● doe you two thinke much , That he thus wisely , and with neede consents To what I author for your Countries good ? You being my Tutor , you my Chancellour . Gis. Your Chancellour , is not not your Flatterer ●ir . Bal. Nor , Is it your Tutors part to shield such doctrine ? Rol. Sir , first know you● In praise of your pure Oratorie that raise you . That when the people , who I know by this Are raised out of their rests , and hastening hithe● To witnesse what is done here , are arrived With●●● Latorch , that you extemp●r● Shall fashion an Oration to acquit And justifie this forced fact of mine ; Or for the proud refusall lose your head . Gis. I fashion an Oration to acquit you ? Sir , know you then , that t is a thing lesse easie To excuse a parracide than to commit it . Rol. I doe not wish you sir , to excuse me , But to accuse my brother , as the cause Of his owne slaughter by attempting mine . Gis. Not for the world , I should powre blood on blood● It were another murther to accuse Him that fell innocent . Rol. Away with him , hence , haile him streight to executio● Aub. Farre fly such rigour your amendfull hand . Rol. He perishes with him that speakes for him● ●uard doe thy office on him , on your lives-paine . Gis. Tyrant , t will has●e thy owne death . Rol. Let it wing it , Ne threatens me ; Villaines t●●re him piece , meale 〈◊〉 . Guard. Avant sir. Ham. Force him hence . Rol. Dispatch him Captaine , And bring me instant word he i● dispatched . And how his re●●ike takes it . Ham. I le not faile sir. Rol. Captaine , besides remember this in chiefe ; That being executed you denie To all his friends the rits of funerall , And cast his carkase out to dogges and ●oules . Ham. T is done my Lord. Rol. Vpon your life not faile . Bal. What impious daring is there here of heaven ? Rol. Sir now prepare your selfe against the people , Make here their entry to discharge the Oration , He hath denied my will. Bal. For feare of death ? ha , ha , ha , Rol. Is death rediculous with you ? Workes misery of age this , or thy judgement● Bal. Iudgement false tyrant . Rol. You le make no Oration then ? Bal. Not to excuse , but aggravate thy murther if thou wilt ; which I will so enforce , I le make thee wreake it ( With hate of what thou win'st by 't ) on thy selfe , With such another justly merited murther . Rol. I le answer you anon . Enter Lat●rch . Lat. The citizens are hasting sir in heapēs , all full resolv'd By my perswasions of your brothers Treason● : Rol. Honest Latorch . Enter H●●ond . Ha. See sir , here 's Gisberts head . Rol. Good speed ; wast with a sword ? Ha. An axe fir . Rol. An axe , t was vildely done , I would have had My owne fine Headsman done it with a sword : Goe , take this dotard here , and take his head Off with a sword . Ha. Your School●master● Rol. Even he . Bal. For teaching thee no better ; t is the best Of all thy damned justices ; away Captaine , I le follow . Ed. Oh stay there Duke , and in the midst of all thy blood and fury , Heare a poore maides petitions , here a daughter , The onely daughter of a wretched father● Oh stay your haste as you shall neede this mercy . Rol. Away with this fond woman . Ed. You most heare me , If there be any spake of pity● in you , If sweete humanity and mercy rule you ; I doe confesse you are a Prince , your anger As great as you , your execution greater . Rol. Away with him . Ed. Oh Captaine , by thy manhood By her soft soule that beare thee , I doe confesse sir , Your doome of justice on your foes most righteous ; Good noble Prince looke on the●● Rol. Take her from me . Ed. A curse upon his life that hinders me ; May fathers blessing never fall upon him , May heaven never heare his prayers : I beseech you , Oh sir , these few teares beseech you ; these chast hands wooe you Th●● never yet were heav'd but to things holy , Things like your selfe , you are a God above us ; Be as a God then , full of saving mercy ; Mercy , oh mercy , for his sake mercy ; That when your stout heart weapes shall give you pitty ; Here I must grow . Ral. By heaven I le strike thee woman . Ed. Most willingly , let all thy anger seeke me , All the most studyed torments , so this good man , This old man , and this innocent escape thee . Rol. Carry him away , I say . Ed. Now blessing on thee , oh sweet pitty , I see it in thy eyes . I charge you souldiers Even by the Princes power , release my father ; The Prince is mercifull , why doe you hold him ? He is old , why doe you hurt him ? speake , oh speake sir ; Speake , as you are a man ; a mans life hangs sir , A friends life , and a foster life upon you : T is but a word , but mercy , quickly spoke sir ; Oh speake Prince , speake . Rol. Will no man here obey me ? Have I no rule yet ? as I live he dies That does not execute my will , and suddenly . Bal. All that thou canst doe , takes but one short houre from me . Rol. Hew off her hands . Ham. Lady hold off . Ed. No hew'm , Hew off my innocent hands as he commands you , Exit Guard , Count Bald. They 'le hang the faster on for deaths convulsion ; Thou seede of rockes , will nothing move thee then : Are all my teares lost ? all my righteous prayers Drown'd in thy drunken wrath ? I stand thus then Thus boldly , bloody Tyrant , And to thy face in heavens high name defie thee ; And may sweet mercy when thy soule sighes for it , When under thy blacke mischi●●es thy flesh trembles , When neither strength , nor youth , nor friends , nor gold Can stay one houre , when thy most wretched conscience Wak'd from her dreame of death like fire shall melt thee , When all thy mothers teares , thy brothers wounds , Thy peoples feares and curses , and my losse , My aged fathers losse shall stand before thee . Rol. Save him I say , runne , save him , save her father Flie and redeeme his head . Exit Latorch . Ed. May then that pitty , That comfort thou expect'st from heaven , that mercy Be lock't up from thee , fly thee , howling find thee , Despaire , oh my sweete father , stormes of terrors , Blood till thou burst againe . Rol. Oh faire sweet anger . Enter Latorch and Hamond with a 〈◊〉 . Lat. I am two late sir , t was dispatch'd before● And his head is heare . Rol. And my heart there ; goe bury him . Give him faire rites of funerall , decent honour● . Ed. Wilt thou not take me monster ? heighest heaven Give him a punishment fit for his mischiefe . Lat. I feare thy prayer is heard , and he rewarded● Lady have patience , t was unhappy speed ; Blame not the Duke , t was not his fault , but fates , He sent , you know to stay it , and commanded In care of you , the heavie object hence Soone as it came ? have better thoughts of him . Enter Citizens . Cit. 1. Where 's this young Traytor ? Lat. Noble citizens● here ; Any here the wounds he gave your soveraigne Lord. Cit. 1. This Prince of force must be Belov'd of heaven , whom heaven hath thus preserv'd . Cit. 2. And if he be belov'd of heaven , you know , He must be just , and all his actions so . Rol. Concluded like an Oracle , oh how great A grace of heaven is a wise ●●●●zen ? For heaven t is makes them wise , as 't makes me just , As it preserves me , as I now survive By his strong hand to keepe you all alive ; Your wives , your children , goods and lands kept yours , That had beene else preyes to his tyranous power , That would have prey'd on me , in bed a●saulted me In sacred time of peace ; my mother here , My sister , this just Lord , and all had felt The curtian gulph of this conspiracie , Of which my Tutor and my Chancellour , Two of the gravest and most counted honest In all my Dukedome ) were the monstrous head● ; Oh trust no honest men for their sakes ever My politique Citizens , but those that breathe The names of Cut-throats , usurers an Tyrants ; Oh those beleeve 〈◊〉 , for the ●oule mouth'd world Can give no better termes to ●imple goodnesse : Even m● it dares blaspheme , and thinkes me tyrannou● For saving my owne life , sought by my brother : Yet those that sought his life before by poyson ( Though my owne servants , hoping to please me ) I le lead to death for t , which your eyes shall see . Cit. 1. Why , what a Prince is here ? Cit. 2. How just ? Cit. 3. How gentle ? Rol. Well , now my dearest subjects ; or much rather My nerves , my spirits , or my vitall blood ; Turne to your needfull rest , and setled peace , Fixe in this roote of steele , from whence it sprung In heavens great helpe and blessing : but ere sleepe Bind in his sweet oblivion your dull senses , The name and verme of heavens King ; advance For yours , in ●hiefe for my deliverance . Cit. Heaven and his King save our most pious soveraigne . Exit Citizens . Rol. Thankes my good people : mother and kind sister , And you my noble kinsmen , thinges borne thus , Shall make you all command what ever I Enjoy in this my absolute Empery , Take in the body of my princely brother ; For whose death , since his fate no other way , Would give my eldest birth his supreme right ; We 'le mourne the cruell influence it beares , And wash his sepulcher with kindly teares . Aub. If this game end thus , heavens will rule the se● . What we have yeelded to , we could not let . Exit ●●nes , Praet●r , Latorch , and Edith Lat. Good Lady rise , and raise your spirits withall , More high than they are humbled ; you have cause , As much as ever honour'd happiest Lady ; And when your eares are freer to take in Your most amendfull and unmatched fortunes , I le make you drowne a hundred helpelesse deathes In sea of one life powr'd into your bosome ; With which shall flow into your armes , the ri●hes , The pleasures , honours , and the rule● o● P●in●●● ; Which though death stop your ea●es , me thinks should ope'm Assay to forget death . Ed. Oh slaughter'd father . Lat. Taste of what cannot be redress'd , and blesse The fate that yet you curse so ; sin●e for that You spake so movingly , and your sweet eyes With so much grace fill'd , that you set on fire The Dukes affection , whom you now may rule As he rules all his Dukedome , is 't not sweet ? Does it not shine away your sorrowes clouds● Sweet Lady , take wi●e heart , and heare , and tell me● Ed. I heare no word you speake . Lat. Prepare to heare then , And be not barr'd up from your selfe , nor adde To your ill fortune with your farre worse judgement● Make me your servant to attend with all joyes Your sad estate , till they both blesse and speake it : See how they 'le bow to you , make me waite , command m● To watch out every minute , for the stay Your modest sorrow fancies , raise your graces , And doe my hopes the honour of your motion , To all the offered heights that now attend you : Oh how your touches ravish ? how the Duke Is slaine already with your flames embrac'd ? I will both serve and vi●ite you , and often . Ed. I am not fit sir. Lat. Time will make you Lady . Exeunt . Act III. Scene II. Enter the Guard , 3 or 4 boyes , then the Shreriffe , Cooke , Yeoman of the Cellar , Butler , Pantler to execution . Guard 1. COme bring in these fellows , on , away with them . Guard 2. Make roome before there , roome for the prisoners● Boy 1. Let 's run before boyes , we shall have no places else● Boy 2. Are these the youths ? Cook These are the youths you look for , And , pray my honest friends , be not so hasty , There will be nothing done till we come , I assure you . Boy 3. Here 's a wise hanging , are there no more ? But. Doe you heare sir ? you may come in for your share if you please . Coo. My friend , if you be unprovided of a hanging , You look like a good fellow , I can afford you A reasonable peny-worth . Boy 2. Afore , afore boyes , here 's enough to make us sport . Yeo. Pox take you , Doe you call this sport ? are these your recreations ? Must we be hang'd to make you mirth ? Coo. Doe you heare sir ? You custard pate , we go to 't for high treason , An honourable fault : thy foolish father Was hang'd for stealing sheepe . Boyes Away , away boyes . Coo. Doe you see how that sneaking rogue lookes now ? You , chip , Pantler , you peaching rogue , that provided us these necklaces : you poore rogue , you costive rogue you . Pant. Pray , pray , fellowes . Coo. Pray for thy crusty soule ? where 's your reward now , Goodman Manchet , for your fine discovery ? I doe beseech you sir , where are your dollars ? Draw with your fellowes , and be hang'd . Yeo. He must now . For now he shall be hang'd first , that 's his comfort , A place too good for thee , thou meale mouth'd rascall . Coo. Hang handsomely for shame , come leave your praying You peaking knave , and die like a good courtier ; Die honestly , and like a man ; no preaching , With I beseech you take example by me , I liv'd a lewd man , good people ; pox on t : Die me as if thou hadst din'd , say grace , and God be with you , Guard. Come , will you forward ? Cook. Good Mr Sheriffe , your leave to , this hasty work Was nere done well : give us so much time as but to sing Our owne Ballads , for wee le trust no man , Nor no tune but our owne ; t was done in Ale too , And therefore cannot be refus'd in justice . Your penny pot Poets are such pelting theeves , They ever hang men twice ; we have it here sir , And so much every merchant of our voyage , He le make a sweet returne else of his credit . Yeo. One fit of our owne mirth and then we are for you . Gu●r . Make haste then , dispatch . Yeo. There 's day enough , sir. Coo. Come boyes , sing cheerfully , we shall nere sing yonger● We have chosen a loud tune too , because it should like well . The Song Come , Fortune 's a whore , I care not who tell her , Would offer to strangle a page of the Cellar , That should by his oath , to any mans thinking , And place , have had a defence for his drinking ; But thus she does still , when she pleases to palter , In stead of his wages , she gives him a halter . Three merry boyes , and three merry boyes , and three merry boyes are we , As ever did sing in a hempen string , under the gallow-tree . 2 But I that was so lusty , And ever kept my bottles , That neither they were musty , And seldome lesse than pottles , For me to be thus stopt now , With hemp in stead of cork sir , And from the gallows lopt now , Shewes that there is a fork sir , In death , and this the token , Man may be two wayes killed , Or like the bottle , broken , Or like the wine , be spilled . Three merry boyes , &c 3 Oh yet but look on the master Cook , the glory of the kitchin , In sowing whose fate at so lofty a rate , no Taylor ere had stitching● For though he makes the man , the Cooke yet makes the dishes ; The which no Taylor can , wherein I have my wishes , That I who at so many a feast have pleasde so many tasters , Should now my selfe come to be drest , a dish for you my masters● Three merry boyes , &c. Coo. There 's a few coppies for you ; now farewell friends : And good Mr Sheriffe , let me not be printed With a brasse pot on my head . But. March faire , march faire , afore good Captain Pantler . 4 Pant. Oh man or beast , or you at least , That weare or brow or antler , Prick up your eares , unto the teares Of me poore Paul the Pantler , That thus am clipt because I chipt The cursed crust of Treason With loyall knife : Oh dolefull strife , To hang thus without reason . Act IV. Scene I. Enter Aubrey and Latorch . LAtorch , I have wayted here to speak with you , And you must hearken : Set not forth your legs Of haste , nor put yonr face of businesse on ; An honester affaire than this I urge too , You will not easily think on ; and t will be Reward to entertaine it : T is your fortune To have our Masters ●are above the rest Of us that follow him , but that no man envies : For I have well con●●dered , truth sometimes May be conveyd in by the same conduits That falshood is : These courses that he takes , Cannot but end in ruine ; Empire got By blood and violence , must so be held ; And how unsafe that is , he first will prove , That toyling still to remove enemies , Makes him selfe more ; it is not now a Brother A faithfull Councellour of estate or two , That are his danger , they are far dispatch'd It is a multitude that begin to feare , And think what began there , must end in them , For all the fine Oration that was made 'em ; And they are not an easie monster quelld . Princes may pick their suffering Nobles out ; And one by one employ 'em to the block ; but when they once grow formidable to their clownes , and coblers , ware then , guard themselves ; if thou durst tell him this , Lotorche , the service would not discredit the good name you hold with men , besides the profit to your master , and the publick . Lat. I conceive not so , sir. They are ayrie feares ; and why should I object them unto his fancy ? Wound what is yet ●ound ? your counsailes colour no● , With reason of state , where all that 's necessary still is just ? The actions of the prince , while they succeed , Should be made good , and glorified ; not questiond , Men doe but shew their ill affections , that — Aub. What ? speak out . Lat. Doe murmure against their masters . Aub. Is this to mee ? Lat. It is to whosoever mislikes of the Dukes courses Aub. I , i st so ? at your stateward , sir ? Lat. I 'me sworne to heare nothing may prejudice the prince . Aub. Why doe you ? or have you , ha ? Lat , I cannot tel , mens hearts shew in their words sometims . Aub. I everthought thee Knave of the chamber , art thou the spy too ? Lat. A watchman for the state , and one that 's known Sir , to be rightly affected . Aub. Baud of the state ; No lesse than of thy masters lusts . I now See nothing can redeem thee ; doest thou mention Affection , or a heart that ne're hadst any ? Know'st not to love or hate , but by the state , As thy prince does`t before thee ? that dost never Weare thy owne face , but putt'st on his , and gather'st● Baits for his ●ares : liv'st wholly at his beck , And e're thou dar'st utter a thought 's thine owne , Must expect his ; crep'st forth and wad'st into him As if thou wert to passe a foord , there proving Yet if thy tongue may stop on safely , or no : Then bring'st his vertue asleep , and stayst the wheele Both of his reason , and judgement , that they move no● . Whit'st over all his vices ; and at last Dost draw a cloud of words before his eyes , Till hee can neither see thee , nor himselfe ? Wretch ; I dare give him honest counsailes , I ; And love him while I tell him truth : old Aubrey Dares goe the straightest way , which still`s the shortest , Walke on the thornes thou scatter'st , Parasite , And tread 'em into nothing : and if thou Then lett'st a look fall , of the least dislike , I le rip thy crown up with my sword at height , And pluck thy skin over thy face : in sight Of him thou flatter'st ; unto thee I speak it , Slave , against whom all lawes , should now conspire , And every creature that hath sense , be armd , As 'gainst the common enimy of mankind ; That sleepst within thy masters eare , and whisp'erst T is better for him to be feard , than lovd : Bidst him trust no mans freindship , spare no blood , That may secure him ; t is no cruelty That hath a spatious end ; for soverainty Break all the lawes of kind ; if it succeed An honest , noble , and prayse-worthy deed ; While hee that takes thy poysons in , shall feele Their virulent workings in a poynt of time , When no repentance can bring ayd , but all His spirits shall melt , with what his conscience burnd And dying in flatterers armes , shall fall unmournd . There 's matter for you now . Lat. My lord , this makes not , for loving of my master . Aub. Loving ? no. They hate ill Princes most that make them so . Enter Rollo , Hamand , Allan , Guard. Rol. I le heare no more . Ham. Alas , t is for my brorher . I beseech your highnesse . Rol , How , a brother ? had not I one my selfe ? did title Move mee when it was fit that hee should dye ? away . All. Brother , loose no word more , leave my good cause T`upbraid the tyrant , I `me glad , ●`me falne , Now in those times that willd some great example T' assure men wee can die for honesty . Rol. Sir , you are brave ; pray that you hold your neck As bravely forth anon unto your headsman . All. Would hee would strike as bravely , and thou by . Rollo , t' would make thee quake to see mee die . Aub. What 's his offence ? Ham. For giving Gisbert buriall ; who was sometimes his master , All. Yes : lord Aubery . My gratitude , and humanity , are my crimes . Rol. Why beare you him not hence ? Aub. My lord ( stay souldiers ) I doe beseech your highnesse , doe not loose Such men for so slight causes . This is one Has still been faithfull to you , a tryde soule In all your fathers battailes ; I have seene him Bestride a friend , against a score of foes , And looke , he looks as hee would kill his hundred For you , sir , were you in some danger . All. Till hee killd his brother , his chancellor , then his Master , to which he can adde nought to equall Nero , But killing of his mother . Aub. Peace , brave foole ; Thou valiant asse , here is his brother too , sir , A captaine of your guard , hath servd you long , With the most noble witnesse of his truth Markd in his face , and every part about him , That turnes not from an enemy . But view him , Oh doe not grieve him sir , if you doe meane That hee shall hold his place : it is not safe To tempt such spirits , and let them weare their swords , You 'le make your guards your terrours by these Acts And throw more hearts of from you then you hold : And I must tell you sir , ( with my old freedome And my old faith to boot ) you have not livd so But that your state will need such men , such hands Of which here 's one , shall in an houre of tryall Doe you more certaine service with a stroak , Than the whole bundle of your flatterers With all the unsavory unction of their tongues● Rol. Peace , talker . Aub , One that loves you yet , my lord . And would not see you pull on your owne ruines● Mercy becomes a Prince , and guards him best , Awe and affrights are never tyes of Love ; And when men begin to feare the Prince , they hate him . Rol. Am I the Prince , or you ? Aub. My Lord I hope I have not utterd ought should urge that question . Rol. Then practise your obedience , see him dead . Aub. My Lord , Rol. I le heare no more . Aub. I 'me sorry then ; there 's no small despaire , sir , of their safety , whose eares are blockt up against truth ; come Captain . Ham. I thank you , sir. Aub. For what ? for seeing thy brother dye a man , and honest ? Live thou so Captaine , I will I assure thee , Although I die for 't too : come — Exeunt all but Rollo & Lator Rol. Now Latorche , what doe you think ? Lat. That Aubreys speech and manners sound somewhat of the boldest Rol. T is his custome . Lat. It may be so , and yet be worth a feare . Rol. If we thought so , it should be worth his life , and quickly too . Lat. I dare not , sir , be author Of what I would be , t is so dangerous ; But with your highnesse favour and your licence . Rol. He talks , t is true ; he is licenc'd : leave him , We now are Duke alone , Latorche , securd ; Nothing left standing to obscure our prospect , We look right forth , beside , and round about us , And see it ours with pleasure : only one Wish'd joy there wants , to make us to possesse it , And that is Edith , Edith , shee that got me In bloud and teares , in such an opposite minute , As had I not once set all the flames And shaft of Love shot in me ( his whole armory ) I should have thought him as farre off as death . Lat. My Lord , expect a while , your happinesse Is neerer than you think it , yet her griefes Are greene and fresh ; your vigilant Latorche Hath not been idle : I have leave already To visite her , and send to her● Rol. My life . Lat. And if I find not out as speedie wayes And proper instruments to work and bring her To your fruition ; that she be not watch'd Tame to your Highnesse wish , say you have no servant Is capable of such a trust about you , Or worthy to be secretary of your pleasure . Rol. Oh my Latorche , what shall I render thee For all thy travailes , care and love ? Lat. Sir , one suit , which I will ever importune , till you grant me● Rol. About your Mathematitians ? Lat. Yes to have The Scheme of your nativity judg'd by them , I hav 't already erected ; Oh my Lord , You doe not know the labour of my feares , My doubts for you are such as cannot hope Any security , but from the Starres ; Who , being rightly ask'd , can tell man more Than all power else , there being no power beyond them● Rol. All thy petitions still are care of us , Aske for thy selfe . Lat. What more can concerne me , than this ? Rol. Well , rise true honest man , and goe then , Wee 'le study our selves a meanes how to reward thee . Lat. Your grace is now inspir'd ; now , now your Highnesse Begins to live , from this houre count your joyes : But , Sir , I must have warrants , with blanks figurd , To put in names , such as I like . Rol. You shall . Lat. They dare not else offer , Sir , at your figure● Oh I shall bring you wonders ; ther 's a Frier Rusee , an admirable man , another A gentleman , and then Lafiske , The mirrour of his time ; 't was he that sett it● But there 's one Norbret , ( him I never saw ) Has made a mirrour , a meere Looking-glasse , In shew you`ld think 't no other ; the forme ovall , As I am given to understand by letter , Which renders you such shapes , and those so differing , And some that will be question'd and give answers ; Then has he sett it in a frame , that wrought Unto the revolutions of the Starres , And so compact by due proportions Unto their harmony , doth move alone A true automaton ; thus Dedalus Statues , Or Vulcans Tooles — Rol. Dost thou beleeve this ? Lat. Sir ? why , what should stay my faith , or turn my sense ? He has been about it above twentie yeares , Three sevens , the powerfull , and the perfect numbers ; And Art and Time , Sir , can produce such things . What doe I reade there of Hiarbas banquet ? The great Gymnosophist , that had his Butlers And carvers of pure gold waiting at table ? The images of Mercury , too , that spoke ? The wooden dore that flew ? a snake of brasse That hist ? and birds of silver that did sing ? All those new done by the Mathematicks , Without which there`s no science , nor no truth . Rol. You are in your spheare , Latorch : and rather Than I le contend w 'yee for it , I le beleeve it . Y'have won upon me that I wish to see My fate before me now , what ere it bee . Lat. And I le endeavour , you shall know with speed , For which I should have one of trust goe with mee , If you please , Hamond , that I may by him Send you my first dispatches ; after I Shall bring you more , and as they come still more , Rol. Take your way , Choose your owne meanes , and be it prosperous to us . Exeunt . ACT. IV. SCAE. II. Enter Ru●ee , de Bube , la Fiske , Norbert , Pippeau . Rus. Come , beare up Sirs , we shall have better dayes , My Almanack tels me . Bub. What is that ? your rumpe ? Rus. It never itch'd in vaine yet , slide la Fiske Throw off thy ●luggish face , I cannot abide To see thee tooke like a poore Jade i' th' pound , That saw no meat these three dayes . Fiske . Slight , to me It seemes thirteene dayes since I saw any . Rus. How ? Fis . I can't remember that I ever saw Or meat or money , you may talke of both To open a mans stomack or his purse , But feed 'em still with ayre . Bub. Fryar , I feare You do not say your Office well a dayes . Nor. Pox , he feedes With leachery , and lives upon th' exchange Of his two Eggs and Puddings with the market women . Rus. And what do you Sir , with the Advocats wife , Whom you perswade , upon your Doctorall bed , To take the Mathematicall trance so often ? Fis . Come , we are starke naught all , bad 's the bost of us , Foure of the seven deadly spots we are ; Besides our Lechery , we are envious , And most , most gluttonous when we have it thus , Most covetous now we want it ; then our Boy He is a fift spot , sloth and he undoes us . Bub. 'T is true , the child was wont to be industrious , And now and then sent to a Merchants wife Sicke of the husband , or a swearing Butler That mist of his Bowles , a crying Maid Had lost a silver spoon ; the Curry come Somtims was wanting ; there was somthing gotten● But now — Pip. What now ? Did not I yester-morning Bring you in a Cardecu there from the Pesant , Whosse 〈◊〉 I had driven aside , and hid , that you Might conjure for him ? and then last night , Six Souz from the Cooks wife , you shar'd among you To set a figure for the 〈◊〉 I stole , It is not at home yet ; these things , my Masters , In a hard time , they would be thought on , you Talke of your lands and Castles in the ayre , Of your twelve houses there : but it is I That bring you in your rents for 'em , 't is Pippe●● That is your bird-call . Nor. Faith he does w●ll , And cuts through the Elements for us , I must needs say In a fine dextrous line . Fis . But not as he did At first , then he would sayle with any wind Int ' every Creek and Corner . Pip. I was light then , New built and rigg'd when I came to you , Gentlemen , But now with often and far ventring for you Here be leakes Spr●●● and whole Plancks wanting see you ; If you 'le new sheat● me●●●●ine , yet I am for you To any bog or sleights , where ere you 'le send me , For as , 〈◊〉 whe●● can this ragged Bark Put in for any service ; lesse it be O' th Isle of Rogues , and there turne Pyrate for you . Nor. Faith he sayes reason , Fryer , you must leave Your neat crispe Gla●●et● and fall to your Syder A while ; and you la Fiske , your larded Capons , And Turkeys for a time● and take a good Cleane Tripe in your way ; de Bube too must content him with wholesome two Souz'd pe●itoes , no more Crown ordinaries , till we have cloath'd our Infant . Bub. So you 'le keep Your own good motions , Doctor , your deare selfe . Fis . Yes , for we all do know the Latitude Of your Concupiscence . Rus. Here about your belly . Bub. You 'le picke a bottle open or a whimsey , As soon as the best of us . Fis . And dip your wrists bands , ( For Cuffs y'have none ) as comely in the sauce the Bell rings . As any Courtyer — harke , the Bell , who is there Rus. Good luck I do conjure thee ; Boy look out . Pip. They are Gallants , Courtiers , one of 'em is Exit and enter again . To Nor●ret . Of the Dukes bed-chamber . Rus. Latorche , down , On with your gown , there 's a new suite arriv'd , Did I not tell you , Sons of hunger ? Crownes , Crowns are comming toward you , wine & wenches You shall have once again , and Fidlers : Into your studyes close ; each lay his eare To his doore , and as you heare me to prepare you So come , and put me on that visard only . Enter Latorche , Hamond . Lat. You 'le not be far hence Captain , when the Businesse is done you shall receive present dispatch . H●m . I le walke Sir , in the Cloyster . Exit . Rus. Monsieur Latorche ; my sonne The Stars are happy still that guide you hither . Lat. I 'me glad to heare their Secretary say so , My learned Father Russ● , where 's la Fiske , Monsieur de Bube , how do they ? Rus. At their studyes , They are the Secretaries of the Stars , Sir , Still at their books , they will not be pull'd off , They stick like cupping glasses ; if ever men Spoke with the tongue of destiny , 't is they . Lat. For loves sake let 's salute em . Rus. Boy , go see , Tell them who 's here , say , that their friends do challenge Some portion of their time , this is our minutes ; Pray'em they 'le spare it : they are the Sun and Moon Of knowledge ; pitty two such noble lights Should live obscur'd here in an University , Whose beames were fit , to illumine any Court Of Christendome● Enter la Fiske , de Bube and Pippeau . Lat. The Duke will shortly know ' em . Fis . Well , look upon the Astrolabe ; you 'le find it Foure Almucanturies at least . Bub. It is so . Rus. Still , of their learned stuffe , they care for nothing , But how to know , as negligent of their bodies In dyet , or else , especially in their cloths , As if they had no change . Pip. They have so little As well may free them from the name of shifters . Fis . Monsieur Latorche ? Lat. How is it , learned Gentlemen , with both your vertues ? Bub. A most happy houre , when we see you , sir. Lat. When you heare me then It will be happier ; the Duke greets you both Thus , and though you may touch no money , Father , Yet you may take it . Rus. 'T is his highnesse bounty , But yet to me , and these that have put off The world , superfluous . Fis . We have heard of late of his highnesse good successe . Bub. And gratulate it . Lat. Indeed he hath scap'd a strange Conspiracy , Thanks to his Stars ; which Stars be prayes by me , You would again consul● , and make a Judgement On what you lately erected for my love . Rus. Oh , Sir , we dare not . Fis . For our lives . Bub. It is the Princes Scheame . Lat. T' incounter with that feare , Here 's to assure you , his Signet , write your names , And be secured all three . Bub. We must intreat some time , sir , Lat. I must then intreat it , be as present as you can . Fis . Have you the Scheame here ? Lat. Yes . Rus. I would you had sir another Warrant . Dat. What would that do ? Rus. Marry we have a Doctor sir , that in this businesse Would not performe the second part . Lat , Not him that you writ to me of ? Rus. The very same . Lat. I should have made it , sir , my suite to see him , Here is a Warrant Father , I conceiv'd That he had solely applyed himselfe to Magick . Rus. And to their studies too sir , in this field , He was initiated , but we shall hardly Draw him from his chaire . Lat. Tell him he ●hall have gold . Fis . Oh , such a sillable would make him to forsweare Ever to breath in your sight . Lat. How then ? Fis . Sir , he if you do please to give him any thing , Must have 't convey'd under a paper . Rus. Or left behind some book in his study . Bub. Or in some old wall . Fis . Where his Familiars may tell him of it , and that pleases him , Sir. Bub. Or else I le go and assay him . Lat. Take gold with you . Rus. That will not be amisse ; give it the Boy , Sir , He knowes his holes , and how to baite his Spirits . Pip. We must lay in severall places , Sir. Rus. That 's true , that if one come not the other may hit . Lat. Well , go then , is he so learned , Gentlemen . Fis . The very top of our profession ; mouth of the fates , Pray Heaven his Spirits be in a good humor to take . They 'le fling the gold about the house else . Bub. I , and beat the Fryer if he go not well Furnisht with holy-water . Fis . Sir , you must observe him . Bub. Not crosse him in a word , for then he 's gone . Fis . If he doe come , which is hazard , yet Masse he 's here , this is speed . Enter Norbert , Russe , Pippeau . Nor. Where is our Scheme , Let 's see , dispatch , nay fumbling now , who 's this ? Rus. Chiefe Gentleman of the Dukes Chamber , Doctor . Nor. Oh , let him be , good even to him , he 's a Courtyer , I le spare his Complement , tell him , what 's here ? The geniture Nocturnall , Longitude At forty nine and ten minutes ? How are the Cardines ? Fis . Libra in twenty foure forty foure minutes , And Capricorne . Nor. I see in , see the Planets , Where , how are they dispos'd ? the Sun and Mercury , Mars with the Dragons tayle in the third house , And pars Fortune in the Imo Coeli , Then Jupiter in the twelve , the Cacodemon . Bub. And Venus in the second Inferna Porta . Nor. I see it , peace , then Saturne in the Fifth , Luna i' th Seventh , and much of Scorpio , Then Mars his Gaudium , rising in th`ascendent , And joyn'd with Libra too , the house of Venus , And Iuniu Coeli , Mars his exaltation In the seventh house , Aries being his naturall house And where he is now seated , and all these shew him To be the Almuter . Rus. Yes , he 's Lord of the Geniture , Whether you examine in by Ptolomeys way , Or Messethales , Lael , or Alkindus . Fi● . No other Planet hath so many dignities Either by himselfe● or in regard of the Cuspes . Nor. Why hold your tongue then if you know it ; Venus The Lady of the Horoscope , being Libra The other part , Mars rules : So that the geniture , Being Nocturnall , Luna is the highest , None else being in sufficient dignity , She being in Aries in the Seventh house , Where Sol exalted , ' is the Alchoroden . Bub. Yes , for you see he hath his Termine In the degrees where she is , and enjoyes By that , six dignities . Fis . Which are cleerly more Than any else that view her in the Scheame . Nor. Why I saw this , and could have told you too . That he beholds her with a Trine aspect Here out of Sagitary , almost partly , And how that Mars out of the selfesame house , ( But another Signe ) here by a Platique aspect Lookes at the Hilege , with a Quartile ruling The house where the Sun is ; all this could I Have told you , but that you 'le outrun me , & more , That this same Quartile aspect to the Lady of life , Here in the seventh , promises some danger , Cauda Draconis being so neere Mars , And Caput Algell in the house of Death . Lat. How Sir ? I pray you cleare that . Nor. What is the question first ? Rus. Of the Dukes life , what dangers threaten him ? Nor. Apparent , & those suddaine , when the Hyley Or Alchorodon by direction come To a Quartile opposition of the place Where Mars is in the Geniture ( which is now At hand ) or else oppose to Mars himself ; expect it . Lat. But they may be prevented . Nor. Wisdome only That rules the Stars , may do it ; for Mars being Lord of the Geniture in Capricorne , Is , if you marke it , now a Sextile here , With Venus Lady of the Horoscope . So she being in her Exilium , which is Scorpio , And Mars his Gaudium , is ore rul'd by him , And cleare debilitated five degrees Beneath her ordinary power , so That , at the most she can but mittigate . Lat. You cannot name the persons bring this danger ? Nor. No , that the Stars tell us not , they name no man , That is a worke , sir , of another place . Rus. Tell him whom you suspect , and hee 'le guesse shrewdly . Lat. Sir , we do feare one Aubrey ; if 't were he I should be glad ; for we should soon prevent him . Fis . I know him , the Dukes kinsman , a tall man ? Lay hold of 't Norbret . Nor. Let me pause a little , Is he not neare of kin unto the Duke ? Lat. Yes reverend Sir. Lat. Fart for your reverence , keep it till then ; and somewhat high of statutre ? Lat. He is so . Nor. How old is he ? Fis . About seven and fifty . Nor. His head and beard inclining to be grey . Lat. Right , Sir. Fis . And fat ? Nor. He is somewhat corpulent , is he not ? Lat. You speak the man , sir. Nor. Well , look to him , farewell . Exit Norb. Lat. Oh , it is Aubrey ; gentlemen , I pray you , Let me receive this under all your hands . Rus. Why , he will shew you him in his Magick glasse If you intreate him , and but gratifie A Spirit or two more . Lat. He shall eat gold If he will have it , so shall you all ; ther 's that Amongst you first , let me have this to send The Duke in the meane time ; and then what sights You please to shew ; I le have you so rewarded As never Artists wete , you shall to Court Along with me , and there wait your fortunes . Bub. We have a pretty part of 't in our pockets ; Boy we will all be new , you shall along to . Exeunt . ACT. IIII. SCAE. III. Enter Sophia , Matilda , Edith . Mat. Good Madam heare the suit that Edith urges● With such submisse beseeches ; nor remaine So strictly bound to sorrow for your sonne , That nothing else , though never so befitting , Obtaines your eares , o●●●servation . Sop. What would she say ? I heare . Edith . My suit is , Madam , That you would please to thinke aswell of Justice Due to your sonnes revenge , as of more wrong added To both your selves for it , in only grieving . Th' undaunted power of Princes , should not be Confin'd in deedlesse cold calamity ; Anger , the Twinne of sorrow , in your wrongs Should not be smother'd , when his right of birth Claimes th' ayre as well , and force of comming forth . Sop. Sorrow is due already , Anger never Should be conceived but where it may be borne In some fact fit t' employ his active flame , That else consumes who beares it , and abides Like a false starre that quenches as it glides . Ed. I have such means t' employ it as your wish Can thinke no better , easier , or securer ; And such as but th' honors I intend To your partakings ; I alone could end : But your parts in all dues to crying blood For vengeance in the shedder , are much greater● And therefore should worke your hands to his slaughter , For your consent to which , t' were infinite wrong To your severe and most partiall Justice , To move you to forget so false a sonne , As with a mothers duty made you curse him . Mat. Edith , he is forgot , for any son Borne of my mother , or to me a brother . For should we still performe our rights to him We should partake his wrongs , and as foule be In blood and damned paricide as he . And therefore tell the happy meanes that heaven Puts in thy hand , for all our long'd for freedome From so abhorr'd and impious a monster . Sop. Tell what she will , I 'le lend nor hand nor eare To whatsoever heaven puts in her power . Exit Sophia . Mat. How strange she is to what she chiefly wishes ? Sweet Edith be not any thought the more Discourag'd in thy purpose , but assured Her heart and prayers are thine ; and that we two Shall be enough to all we wish to doe . Ed. Madam , my selfe alone , I make no doubt Shall be afforded power enough from heaven To end the murtherer : all I wish of you , Is but some richer ornaments and Jewels Than I am able to provide my selfe , To helpe out the defects of my poore beauty ; That yet hath been enough , as now it is , To make his fancy mad with my desire ? But you know , Madam , women never can , Be too faire to torment an amorous man ; And this mans torments I would heighten still , Till at their highest he be fit to kill . Mat. Thou shalt have all my Jewels and my mothers , And thou shalt paint too , that his bloods desire May make him perish in a painted fire ; Hast thou been with him yet ? Ed. Beene with him ? no ; I set that houre backe to haste more his longing● But I have promis'd to his instruments , The admittance of a visit at our house , Where yet I would receive him with all lustre My sorrow would give leave to , to remove Suspition of my purpose . Mat. Thou shalt have All I can adde , sweet wench , in Jewels , tyres● I 'le be my selfe thy dresser , nor may I Serve my owne love with a contracted husband More sweetly , nor more amply than maist thou Thy forward will with his bewitch'd affections : Affects thou any personall ayde of mine My noblest Edith ? Ed. Naught but your kinde prayers For full effect and speed of my affaire . Mat. They are thine , my Edith , as for me , my own ; For thou well know'st , if blood shed of the best Should coole and be forgotten , who would feare To shed blood still ? or where ( alas ) were then The endlesse love we owe to worthy men ? Ed. Love of the worthiest ever blesse your highnesse . Exeunt . ACT. V. SCAE. I. Enter Rollo with a glasse , Aubrey , and servants . Rol. I never studied my glasse till now , It is exceeding well ; now leave me ; cozen , How takes your eye the object ? Aub. I have learn'd So much sir of the Courtier , as to say Your person do's become your habit ; But being called unto it by a noble warre , Would grace an armour better . Rol. You are still For that great Art of which you are the master ; Yet , I must tell you , that to the encounters We oft attempt , arm'd only thus , we bring As troubled blood , feares mixt with flattring hopes , The danger in the service to as great As when we are to charge quite through and through The body of an Army . Aub. I 'le not argue How you may ranke the dangers , but will die in 't , The ends which they arrive at , are as distant In every circumstance , as farre as honor Is from shame and repentance . Rol. You are sower ? Aub I would speake my free thoughts , yet not appeare so ; Nor am I so ambitious of the title Of one that dares talke any thing that was Against the torrent of his owne opinion , That I affect to speake ought may offend you : And therefore gracious Sir , ●e pleased to thinke My manners or discretion have inform'd me That I was borne , in all good ends , to serve you ; And not to checke at what concernes me not : I looke not with sore eyes on your rich out-side , Nor wracke my thoughts to find out to what purpose 'T is now employ'd ; I wish it may be good , And that , I hope , offends not for a subject Towards his Prince in things indifferent ; To use the austerenesse of a Censuring Cato Is arrogance , not freedome . Rol. I commend This temper in you , and will cherish it , Ent. Hamond with leters . They come from Rome , Latorch imployed you ? Ham. True Sir. Rol. I must not now be troubled with a thought Of any new designe ; good Aubrey reade 'em , And as they shall direct you , use my power , Or to reply or execute , Aub. I will sir. Rol. And Captaine , bring a squadron of our guard To th' house that late was Baldwins , and there wait me . Ham. I shall . Rol. Some two houres hence . Ham. With my best care . Rol. Inspire me Love , and be thy diety Or scorn'd or fear'd , as now thou favour●st me . Exit Rollo . Ham. My stay to do my duty , may be wrongs Your Lordships privacy . Aub. Captaine , your love Is ever welcome ; I intreat your patience While I peruse these . Ham. I attend your pleasure . Aub. How 's this , a plot on me ? Ham. What is contain'd In th'letters that I brought , that thus transports him ? Aub. To be wrought on by Rogues , and have my head Brought to the axe by knaves that cheate for bread ? The Creatures of a parasite , a slave ; I finde you heare Latorch , not wonder at it ; But that this honest Captaine should be made His instrument , afflicts me ; I 'le make triall Whether his will or weaknesse made him doe it . Captaine you saw the Duke when he commanded I should do what these letters did direct me , And I presume you thinke I 'le not neglect For feare or favour , to remove all dangers How neere soever that man can be to me From whom they should have birth . Ham. It is confirm'd . Aub. Nor would you Captaine , I believe , refuse , Or for respect of thankefulnesse , or hopes , To use your sword with fullest confidence Where he shall bid you strike . Ham. I never have done . Aub. Nor will I thinke . Ham. I hope it is not question'd . Aub. The means to have it so , is now propos'd you● Draw , so , 't is well , and next cut off my head . Ham. What meanes your Lordship ? Aub. 'T is sir the Dukes pleasure : My innocence hath made me dangerous , And I must be remov'd , and you the man Must act his will. Ham. I 'le be a traytor first , before I serve it thus . Aub. It must be done , And that you may not doubt it , there 's your warran● But as you read , remember Hamond , that I never wrong'd one of your brave profession ; And , though it bee not manly , I must grieve That man of whose love I was most ambitious Could find no object of his hate but me ? Ham. It is no time to talke now , honor'd Sir , Be pleas'd to heare thy servant , I am wrong'd , And cannot , being now to serve the Duke , Stay to expresse the manner how ; but if I doe not suddenly give you strong proofes , Your life is dearer to me than my owne , May I live base , and dye so : Sir your pardon . Exit Hamond . Aub. I am both waies ruin'd , both waies mark't for slaughter On every side , about , behinde , before me , My certaine fate is fix't : were I a knave now , I could avoid this : had my actions But meere relations to their owne ends , I could s●ape now : Oh honesty ! thou elder child of vertue , Thou seed of heaven , why to acquire thy goodnesse Should malice and distrust sticke thornes before us , And make us swim unto thee , hung with hazards ? But heaven is got by suffering , not disputing● Say he knew this before hand , where am I then ? Or say he do's not know it , where 's my Loyalty ? I know his nature , troubled as the Sea , And as the Sea devouring when he 's vex'd , And I know Princes are their own expounders . Am I afraid of death ? of dying nobly ? Of d●ing in mine innocence uprightly ? Have I met death in all his formes , and feares , Now on the points of swords , now pitch'd on lances ? In fires , and stormes of arrows , battels , breaches , And shall I now shrink frō him , when he courts me Smiling and full of Sanctity ? I 'le meet him ; My loyall hand and heart shall give this to him , And though it beare beyond what Poets feigne A punishment , duery shall meet that paine ; And my most constant heart to do him good , Shall check at neither pale affright , nor bloud . Enter Messenger . Messen. The Dutchesse presently would crave your presence , Aubrey . I come ; and Aubrey now resolve to keep Thy honor living , though thy body sleep . Exit . ACT. V. SCAE. II. Enter Edith , a Boy , and a Banquet set out . Edith . Now for a Fathers murther , and thy ruine , All chastity shall suffer if he raigne ; Thou blessed soule , look down , and steele thy daughter , Look on the sacrifice she comes to send thee , And through the bloudy cloud behold my piety , Take from my cold heart feare , from my sex pitty , And as I wipe theses teares off , shed for thee , So all remembrance may I loose of mercy ; Give me a womans anger bent to bloud , The wildnesse of the winds to drown his prayers , Storme like may my destruction fall upon him , My rage like roving billowes as they rise , Powr'd on his soule to sinke it , give me flattery , ( For yet my constant soule neer knew dissembling . Flattery the food o●●ooles , that I may , rocke him And lull him in the Downe of his desires ; That in the height of all his hopes and wishes , His heaven forgot , and all his lusts upon him , My hand , like thunder from a could , may seize him . I heare him come , go boy , and entertaine him . Enter Rollo . Song . Take , Oh take those lips away that so swetly were forsworne , And those eyes , like breake of day , lights that doe misleade the Morne , But my kisses being againe , Seales of love , though seal'd in vaine . Hide , Oh hide those hils of Snow , which thy frozen blossome beares , On whose tops the Pincks that grow are of those that April weares . But first set my poore heart free , bound in those Ioy chaines by thee . Rol. What bright star , taking beauties forme upon her , In all the happy lustre of heavens glory , Ha's drop'd downe from the Skye to comfort me ? Wonder of Nature , let it not prophane thee My rude hand touch thy beauty , nor this kisse ; The gentle sacrifice of love and service Be offer'd to the honor of thy sweetnesse Edith . My gracious Lord , no diety dwells here , Nor nothing of that vertue , but obedience , The servant to your will affects no flattery . Rollo . Can it be flattery to sweare those eyes Are loves eternall lamps he fires all hearts with ? That tongue the smart string to his bow ? those sighes The deadly shafts he sends into our soules ? Oh , looke upon me with thy spring of beauty . Ed. Your grace is full of game . Rollo . By heaven , my Edith , Thy mother fed on Roses when she bred thee . Ed. And thine on brambles that have prick'd her heart out . Rollo . The sweetnesse of the Arabian winde still blowing Upon the treasures of perfumes and spices , In all their pride and pleasures call thee Mistris . Ed. Wil 't please you sit sir ? Rol. So you please sit by me . Faire gentle maid , there is no speaking to thee , The excellency that appeares upon thee Tyes up my tongue : pray speake to me . Ed. Of what sir ? Rol. Of any thing , any thing is excellent● Will you take my directions ? speake of love then ; Speake of thy faire selfe Edith ; and while thou speak'st , Let me , thus languishing , give up my selfe wen●h . Ed. H 'as a strange cunning tongue , why doe you sigh sir ? How masterly he turnes himselfe to catch me ? Rol. The way to Paradise , my gentle maide , Is hard and crooked , scarce Repentance finding , With all her holy helpes , the dore to enter . Give me thy hand , what dost thou feele ? Ed. Your teares sir. You weepe extreamly ; strengthen me now justice , Why are these sorrowes sir ? Rol. Thou't never love me If I should tell thee , yet there 's no way left Ever to purchase this blest Paradise , But swimming thither in these teares . Ed. I stagger . Rol. Are they not drops of blood ? Ed. No. Rol. Th' are for blood then For guiltlesse blood , and they must drop , my Edith , They must thus drop , ●ll I have drown'd my mischiefes . Ed. If this be true , I have no strength to touch him . Rol. I prethee looke upon me , turne not from me ; Alas I doe confesse I 'me made of mischiefe , Begot with all mans miseries upon me ; But see my sorrowes , made , and doe not thou , Whose only sweetest sacrifice is softnesse , Whose true condition , tendernesse of nature . Ed. My anger melts , Oh , I shall lose my justice . Rol. Do not thou learne to kill with cruelty , As I have done to murther with thy eyes , ( Those blessed eyes ) as I have done with malice , When thou hast wounded me to death with scorne , ( As I deserve it Lady ) for my true love , When thou hast loaden me with earth for ever , Take heed my sorrowes , and the stings I suffer ; Take heed my nightly dreames of death and horrour Persue thee not : no time shall tell thy griefes then , Nor shall an houre of joy adde to thy beauties . Looke not upon one as I kill'd thy father , As I was smear'd in blood , do not thou hate me , But thus in whitenesse of my wash't repentance , In my hearts teares and truth of love to Edith , In my faire life hereafter . Ed. He will foole me . Rol. Oh with thine angell eyes behold and close me , Of heaven we call for mercy and obtaine it ; To Justice for our right on earth and have it ; Of thee I beg for love , save me , and give it . Ed. Now heaven thy helpe , or I am gone for ever , His tongue ha's turn'd me into melting pity . Enter Hamond and Guard. Ham. Keepe the doores safe , and upon paine of death Let no man enter till I give the word . Guard. We shall sir. Exeunt . Ham. Here he is in all his pleasure ; I have my wish Rol. How now ? why dost thou stare so ? Ed. A helpe , I hope . Rol. What dost thou here ? who sent thee ? Ham. My brother , and the base malicious Office Thou mad'st me doe to Aubrey , pray . Rol. Pray ? Ham. Pray ; pray if thou canst pray , I shall kill thy soule else , Pray suddenly . Rol. Thou can'st not be so trayterous . Ham. It is a Justice ; stay Lady ; For I perceive your end ; a womans hand Must not rob me of vengeance . Ed. 'T is my glory . Ham. 'T is mine , stay , and share with me ; by the gods , Rollo , There is no way to save thy life . Rol. No ? Ham. No , it is so monstrous , no repentance cures it . Rol. Why then thou shalt kill her first , and what this blood Will cast upon thy cursed head . Ham. Poore Guard sir. Ed. Spare not brave Captaine . Rol. Feare , or the divell ha's thee . Ham. Such feare sir as you gave your honor'd mother , When your most vertuous brother , sheild like , held her ; Such I 'le give you , put her away . Rol. I will not , I will not die so tamely . Ham. Murtherous villaine , wilt thou draw seas of blood upon thee . Ed. Feare not , kill him good Captaine , any way dispatch Him , my body 's honor'd with that sword that through me , Sends his blacke soule to hell : Oh , but for one hand . Ham. Shake him off bravely . Ed. He 's too strong , strike him . Ham. Oh , am I with you Sir ? now keepe you from him , What ha●s he got a knife . Ed. Looke to him Captaine , for now he will be mischievous . Ham. Do you smile Sir ? Do's it so tickle you ? have at you once more . Ed. Oh bravely thrust ; take heed he come not in Sir ; To him againe , you give him too much r●spite . Rol. Yet will you save my life , and I 'le forgive thee . And give the all● all honors , all advancements , Call thee my friend . Ed. Strike , strike , and heare him not , His tongue will tempt a Saint . Rol. Oh , for my soules sake . Ed. Save nothing of him . Ham. Now for your farewell , Are you so warry ? take you that . Rol. Thou , that too ; Oh thou hast kil'd me basely , basely , basely . Dyes . Ed. The just reward of murther falls upon thee . How doe you Sir ? ha's he not hurt you ? Ham. No , I feele not any thing . Aub. I charge you let us passe . within . Guard. You cannot yet sir. Aub. I 'le make way then . Guar. We are sworne to our Captaine , and till he give the word . Enter Sophia , Matilda , Aubrey , Lords and attendants . Ham. Now let them in there . Sop. Oh , here he lies , Sorrow on sorrow seekes me , Oh , in his blood he lyes , Aub. Had you spoke sooner This might have beene prevented ; Take the Dutchesse , And leade her off , this is no sight for her eyes Mat. Oh , bravely done wench . Ed. There stands the noble doer . Mat. My honor ever seeke thee for thy justice , Oh 't was a deed of high and brave adventure , A justice even for h●●●en ●o envy at , Farewell my sorrowes , and my teares take truee , My 〈…〉 Oh bloody Brother , Till this houre never beauteous ; till thy life , Like a full sacrifice for all thy mis●●●efes , Flow'd fro 〈…〉 ri●ers , never righteous : Oh how my eyes 〈…〉 wish then joyes how ? My longing heart even leaping out for lightnesse , But dye thy black sins with thee . I forgive thee . Aub. Who did this deed ? Ham. I , and I 'le answer it . Dies . Edi. He faints , oh that same cursed knife has kil'd him . Aub. How ? Ed. He snatch'd it from my hand , for whom I bore it , And as they grapell'd . Aub. Justice is ever equall , Had it not been on him , th'adst dy'd too honest . Did you know of his death ? Ed. Yes , and rejoyce in 't . Aub. I 'me sory for your youth then ; though the strictnesse Of Law shall not fall on you , that of life Must presently , go to a Cloyster , carry her , And there for ever lead your life in penitence . Ed. Best Father to my soule , I give you thankes , sir , And now my faire revenges have their ends , My vowes shall be my kin , my prayers my friends . Exit . Enter Latorche , and Iuglers . Lat. Stay there , I 'le step in and prepare the Duke , Nor. We shall have brave rewards ? Fis . That is without question . Lat. By this time wher 's my huffing friend Lord Aubrey ? Where 's that good Gentleman ? oh , I could laugh now , And burst my selfe with meere imagination ; A wise man , and a valiant man , a just man ; To suffer himselfe be juggl'd out of the world , By a number of poor Gipseys ? farewell Swash-buckler , For I know thy mouth is cold enough by this time ; A hundred of ye I can shave as neatly , And nere draw bloud in shew : now shall my honor , My power and vertue walke alone : my pleasure Observ'd by all , all knees bend to my worship , All sutes to me as Saint of all their fortunes , Prefer'd and crowded too , what full place of credit , And what place now ? your Lordship ? no , 't is common , But that I 'le thinke to morrow on , now for my businesse . Aub. Whose there ? Lat. Dead , my Master dead ? Aubrey alive too ? Guard. Litorche , Sir. Aub. Seize his body . Lat. My Master dead ? Aub. And you within this halfe houre ; Prepare your selfe good devill , you must to it , Millions of gold shall not redeeme thy mischiefe , Behold the Justice of thy practice , villaine ; The masse of murthers thou hast drawn upon us : Behold thy doctrine ; you look now for reward , sir , To be advanc'd , I 'em sure , for all your labours ? And you shall have it , make his gallows higher By ten foot at the least , and then advance him . Lat. Mercy , mercy . Aub. 'T is too late foole , Such as you ment for mee , away with him . He is led out . What gaping knaves are these , bring 'em in fellows , Now , what are you ? Nor. Mathematitians if it please your Lordship . Aub. And you drew a figure ? Fis . We have drawn many . Aub. For the Duke , I meane ; sir Latorches knaves you are . Nor. We know the Gentleman . Aub. What did he promise you ? Nor. We are paid already . Aub. But I will see you better paid , go whip them . Nor. We do beseech your Lordship , we were hyr'd . Aub. I know you were , and you shall have your hyre ; Whip 'em extremely , whip that Doctor there , Till he record himselfe a Rogue . Nor. I am one , Sir. Aub. Whip him for being one , and when th' are whip't , Lead 'em to the gallows to see their patron hang'd ; Away with them . They are lead out . Nor. Ah , good my Lord. Aub. Now to mine own right , Gentlemen . Lord 1. You have the next indeed , we all confesse it , And here stand ready to invest you with it . Lord 2. Which to make stronger to you , and the surer , Then bloud or mischiefes dare infringe againe , Behold this Lady , Sir , this noble Lady , Full of the bloud as you are , of that neerenesse , How blessed would it be ? Aub. I apprehend you , and so the faire Matilda dare a●cept Me her ever constant servant . Mat. In all purenesse , In all humility of heart and services , To the most noble Aubrey , I submit me . Aub. Then this is our first tye , now to our businesse . Lord 1. We are ready all to put the honor on you , Sir. Aub. These sad rights must be done first , take up the bodyes , This , as he was a Prince , so Princely funerall Shall waite upon him : on this honest Captaine , The decency of armes ; a teare for him too . So , sadly on , and as we view his blood , May his Example in our Rule raise good . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A00958-e110 Hee o●fers his sword at Otto . the fa●●ion joyning , Aubrey between severs t●e brothers . A04639 ---- A pleasant comedy, called: The case is alterd As it hath beene sundry times acted by the children of the Black-friers. Written by Ben. Ionson. Case is alterd Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1609 Approx. 174 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 37 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A04639 STC 14758 ESTC S109185 99844834 99844834 9680 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04639) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 9680) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1277:12) A pleasant comedy, called: The case is alterd As it hath beene sundry times acted by the children of the Black-friers. Written by Ben. Ionson. Case is alterd Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [74] p. Printed [by Nicholas Okes] for Bartholomew Sutton, and William Barrenger, and are to be sold at the great north-doore of Saint Paules Church, London : 1609. The "r" in "sundry" is turned. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: A-I⁴ K² (-K2). A reissue, with cancel title page, of the edition with title "Ben: Ionson, his case is alterd". Variant: title page omits author statement. Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2002-09 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-10 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-11 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2002-11 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A Pleasant Comedy , CALLED : The Case is Alterd . As it hath beene sundry times acted by the children of the Black-friers . LONDON , Printed for Bartholomew Sutton , and William Barrenger , and are to be sold at the great North-doore of Saint Paules Church . 1609. A pleasant Comedy called , the Case is Alterd . Actus primi , Scaena prima . Sound ? after a flourish : Iuniper a Cobler is discouered , sitting at worke in his shoppe and singing . Iuniper , Onion , Antony Baladino . YOV wofull wights giue eare a while , And marke the tenor of my stile , Enter Onion in hast . Which shall such trembling hearts vnfold As seldome hath to fore bene told . Such chances rare and dolefull newes Oni. fellow Iuniper Peace a Gods name . As may attempt your wits to muse . Oni. Gods so , heere man. A pox a God on you . And cause such trickling teares to passe , Except your hearts be flint or brasse : Oni. Iuniper , Iuniper . To heare the newes which I shall tell , That in Castella once befell . Sbloud , where didst thou learne to corrupt a man in the midst of a verse , ha ? Onion . Gods lid man , seruice is ready to go vp man , you must slip on your coate and come in , we lacke waiters pittyfully . Iunip. A pittifull hearing , for now must I of a merry Cobler become mourning creature . Exit Onion . Onion . Well you le come . Iunip. Presto . Go to , a word to the wise , away , ●●ie ? vanish : Lye there the weedes that I disdaine to weare . Anto. God saue you Maister Iuniper . Iuni. What Signior Antonio Balladino , welcome sweet I●gle ▪ Anto. And how do you sir ? Iuni. Faith you see , put to my shifts here as poore retainers be oftentimes , sirrah Antony ther 's one of my fellowes mightely enamored of thee , and I faith you slaue , now your come I 'le bring you together , i'ts Peter Onion , the groome of the hal , do you know him . Anto. No not yet , I assure you . Iuni. O he is one as right of thy humour as may be , a plaine simple Rascal , a true dunce , marry he hath bene a notable vilaine in his time : he is in loue , sirrah , with awench , & I haue preferd thee to him , thou shalt make him some prety Paradox or some Aligory , how does my coate sit ? well . Anto. I very well . Enter Onion . Oni. Na Gods so , fellow Iuniper , come away . Iun. Art thou there mad slaue , I come with a powder ? Sirrah fellow Onion . I must haue you peruse this Gentleman well , and doe him good offices of respect and kindnesse , as instance shall be giuen . Anto. Nay good maister Onion what do you meane , I pray you sir you are to respectu● in good faith . Onion . I would not you should thinke so sir , for though I haue no learning , yet I honour a scholer in any ground of the earth sir , Shall I request your name sir ? Anto. My name is Antonio Balladino . Oni. Balladino ▪ you are not Pageant Poet to the City of Millaine sir , are you . Anto. I supply the place sir : when aworse cannot be had sir. Oni. I crie you mercy sir , I loue you the better for that sir , by Iesu you must pardon me , I knew you not , but I l'd pray to be better acquainted with you sir ▪ I haue seene of your works . Anto. I am at your seruice good Maister Onion , but concerning this maiden that you loue sir ? what is she , Onion . O did my fellow Iuniper tell you ▪ marry sir , she is as one may say , but a poore mans child indeede , and for mine owne part I am no Gentleman borne I must confesse , but my mind to me a kingdome is truly . Anto. Truly a very good saying . Onion . T' is somewhat stale , but that 's no matter . Anto. O t' is the better , such things euer are like bread , which the staler it is , the more holesome . Onion . This is but a hungry comparison in my iudgement . Anto. Why , I 'le tell you , M. Onion , I do vse as much stale stuffe , though I say it my selfe , as any man does in that kind I am sure . Did you see the last Pageant , I set forth ? Onion . No faith sir , but there goes a huge report on 't . Anto. Why , you shal be one of my Maecen-asses , I 'le giue you one of the bookes , O you 'le like it admirably . Oni. Nay that 's certaine , I 'le get my fellow Iuniper to read it . Anto. Reade it sir , I 'le reade it to you . Onion . Tut then I shall not chuse but like it . Anto. Why looke you sir , I write so plaine , and keepe that old Decorum , that you must of necessitie like it ; mary you shall haue some now ( as for example , in plaies ) that will haue euery day new trickes , and write you nothing but humours : indeede this pleases the Gentlemen : but the common sort they care not for 't , they know not what to make on 't , they looke for good matter , they , and are not edified with such toyes . Onion . You are in the right , I 'le not giue a halfepeny to see a thousand on 'hem . I was at one the last Tearme , but & euer I see a more roguish thing , I am a peece of cheese , & no onion , nothing but kings & princes in it , the foole came not out a iot . Anto. True sir , they would haue me make such plaies , but as I tell hem , and they 'le giue me twenty pound a play , I 'le not raise my vaine . Onion . No , it were a vaine thing and you should sir. Anto. Tut giue me the penny , giue me the peny , I care not for the Gentlemen I , lerme haue a good ground , no matter for the pen , the plot shall carry it . Onion . Indeed that 's right , you are in print already for the best plotter . Anto. I , I might as well ha bene put in for a dumb shew too . Oni. I marry sir , I marle you were not , stand aside sir a while : Enter an armd Sewer : some halfe dozen in mourning coates following and passe by with seruice : Enter Valentine . Onion . How now friend , what are you there ? be vncouered , Would you speake with any man here ? Valen. I , or else I must ha' returnd you no answer . Oni. Friend , you are somewhat to peremptory , let 's craue your absence : nay neuer scorne it , I am a little your better in this place . Valen. I do acknowledge it . Onion . Do you acknowledge it ? nay then you shall go forth , I le teach you how shall acknowledge it another time ; go to , void , I must haue the hall purg'd , no setting vp of a rest here , packe , begone . Valen. I pray you sir is not your name Onion ? Oni. Your friend as you may vse him , and M. Onion , say on . Valen. M. Onion with a murraine , come come put off this Lyons hide , your eares haue discouered you , why Peter ! do not I know you Peter ? Onion . Gods so , Valentine ! Valen. O can you take knowledge of me now sir ? Oni. Good Lord , sirra , how thou art altred with thy trauell ? Valen. Nothing so much as thou art with thine office , but sirra , Onion is the Count Ferneze at home ? Exit Anthony . Oni. I Bully , he is aboue ; and the Lord Paulo Ferneze , his son , and Maddam Aurelia , & maddam Phanixella , his daughters , But O Valentine ? Valen. How now man , how dost thou ? Oni. Faith sad , heauy , as a man of my coate ought to be . Valen. Why man , thou wert merry inough euen now . Oni. True , but thou knowest All creatures here soiorning , vpon this wretched earth , Sometimes haue a fit of mourning , as well as a fit of mirth . O Valentine , mine old Lady is dead , man. Valen. Dead ! Oni. I faith . Valen. When dyed she ? Onion . Mary , to morrow shall be three months , she was seene going to heauen they say , about some fiue weekes agone ! how now ? trickling teares , ha ? Valen. Faith thou hast made me weepe with this newes . Onion . Why I haue done but the parte of an Onion , you must pardon me . Scaene . 2. Enter the sewer , passe by with seruice againe , the seruingmen take knowledge of Valentine as they goe . Iuniper salutes him . Iuni. What Valentine ? fellow Onion , take my dish I prithee you rogue sirrah , tell me , how thou dost , sweet I●gle . Valen. Faith , Iuniper , the better to see thee thus frolicke . Iuni. Nay , slid I am no changling , I am Iuniper still . Exit Oni. I keepe the pristmate ha , you mad Hierogliphick , when shal we swagger . Valen. Hierogliphick , what meanest thou by that . Iuni. Meane ? Gods so , i st not a good word man ? what ? stand vpon meaning with your freinds . Puh , Absconde . Valen. Why , but stay , stay , how long has this sprightly humor haunted thee ? Iuni. Foe humour , a foolish naturall gift we haue in the Aequinoctiall . Valen. Naturall , slid it may be supernaturall , this ? Iuni. Valentine , I prithee ruminate thy selfe welcome . What fortuna de la Guerra . Valen. O how pittifully are these words forc't . As though they were pumpt out on 's belly . Iuni. Sirrah Ingle , I thinke thou hast seene all the strange countries in Christendome since thou wen●st ? Valen. I haue seene some Iuniper . Iuni. You haue seene Constantinople ? Valen. I , that I haue . Iuni. And Ierusalem , and the Indies , and Goodwine sands , and the tower of Babylon , and Venice and all . Valen. I all ; no marle and he haue a nimble tong , if he practise to vault thus from one side of the world to another . Iuni. O it 's a most heauenly thing to trauel , & see countries , especially at sea , and a man had a pattent not to be sicke . Valen. O sea sicke lest , and full of the scuru●e . Scaene 3. Enter Iuniper , Antonio , Sebastian , Martino , Vincentio , Balthasar and Christopher● . Seba. Valentine ? welcome I faith how dost sirra ? Mart. How do you good Valentine . Vincen. Troth , Valentine , I am glad to see you . Balth. Welcome sweet rogue . Sebast. Before God he neuer lookt better in his life . Balth. And how i st man ? what , Alla Coragi● . Valen. Neuer better gentlemen I faith . Iuni. S'will here comes the steward . Christ. Why how now fellowes all here ? and nobody to waight aboue now they are ready to rise ? looke vp one or two Signior Francesco Colomia's man how doo's your good maister . Exeunt Iuniper , Martino , Vincentio . Valen. In health sir he will be here anon . Christo. Is he come home , then ? Valen. I sir he is not past sixe miles hence , he sent me before to learne if Count Ferneze were here and returne him word . Christo. Yes , my Lord is here ; and you may tel your maister he shal come very happily to take his leaue of Lord Paulo Ferneze : who is now instantly to depart with other noble gentlemen , vpon speciall seruice . Valen. I will tell him sir. Christo. I pray you doe , fellowes make him drinke . Valen. Sirs , what seruice i st they are imployed in ? Sebast. Why against the French they meane to haue a fling at Millaine againe they say . Valen. Who leades our forces , can you tell ? Sebast. Marry that do's Signior Maximilian ? he is aboue , now . Valen. Who , Maximilian of Vicenza ? Balt. I he ? do you know him ? Valen. Know him ? O yes he 's an excellent braue soldier . Balt. I so they say , but one of the most vaine glorious men in Europe . Valen. He is indeed , marry exceeding valient . Sebast. And that is rare . Balt. What. Sebast. Why to see a vaineglorious man valient . Valen. Well he is so I assure you . Enter Iuniper . Iuni. What no further yet , come on you precious rascall , sir Valentine , I le giue you a health I faith ; for the heauen● you mad Capriceio , hold hooke and line . Scaene 4. Enter Lord Paulo Ferneze , his boy following him . Pau. Boy . Boy . My Lord. Pau. Sirrah go vp to Signior Angelio , And pray him ( if he can ) deuise some meanes , To leaue my father , and come speake with me . Boy I will my Lord. Pau. Well heauen , be auspicious in the euent ▪ For I do this against my Genius , And yet my thoughts cannot propose a reason , Why I should feare , or faint thus in my hopes , Of one so much endeered to my loue . Some sparke it is , kindled within the soule : Whose light yet breaks not to the outward sence , That propagates this tymerous suspect ; His actions ne●er carried any face Of change , or weaknes ▪ then I iniury him ? In being thus cold conceited of his faith , O here he comes . Enter Angelo . Ang. How now sweet Lord , what 's the matter ? Pau. Good faith his presence makes me halfe ashamd . Of my straid thoughts . Boy . Bestow your selfe . Exit Boy . Where is my father , Signior Angelio . Ang. Marry in the galery , where your Lordship left him . Pau. That 's well . Then Angelio I will be briefe . Since time forbids the vse of circumstance , How well you are receiued in my affection , Let it appeare by this one instance , onely That now I will deliuer to your trust , The deerest secrets , treasurd in my bosome , Deare Angelio . You are ●ot euery man , 〈◊〉 , whome my election hath design'd , 〈…〉 obiect of my soule : 〈…〉 my desert , Or supple your tri'd temper , with soft phrases ; True frendship lothes such oyly complement : But from th' aboundance of that loue , that flowes Through all my spirits , is my speech enforc'd . Ang. Before your Lordship do proceed too far , Let me be bould to intimate thus much ; That what so ere your wisedome hath t' expose , Be it the waightiest and most rich affaire , That euer was included in your breast , My faith shall poise it , if not — Pau. O no more , Those words haue rapt me with their sweet effects , So freely breath'd , and so responsible , To that which I endeuoured to extract , Arguing a happy mixture of our soules . Ange. Why were there no such sympathy sweete Lord ? Yet the impressure of those ample fauours , I haue deriu'd from your vnmatched spirit , Would bind my faith to all obseruances . Pau. How ! fauours Angello , ô speake not of them , They are meere paintings , and import no merit , Lookes my loue well ? thereon my hopes are plac't : Faith , that is bought with fauours , cannot last . Enters Boy . Boy . My Lord. Pau. How now ? Boy . You are sought for all about the house , within , The Count your father cals for you . Pau. God , what crosse euents do meet my purposes ? Now will he violently fret and grieue That I am absent . Boy , say I come presently : Exit Boy . Sweet Angello , I cannot now insist Vpon particulars , I must serue the time The maine of all this is ▪ I am in loue . Ange. Why starts your Lordship ? Pau. I thought I heard my father comming hitherward , list ▪ ha ? Ange. I heare not any thing , it was but your imagination sure . Pau. No. Ange. No , I assure your Lordship . Pau. I would worke safely . Ange. Why , has he no knowledge of it then ? Pau. O no , no creature yet pertakes it but your selfe In a third person , and beleeue me friend , The world containes not now another spirit . To whom I would reueile it . Harke , harke , Seruants . Signior Paulo . within . Lord Ferneze . within . Ange. A pox vpon those brazen throated slaues , What are they mad , trow ? Pau. Alas , blame not them , Their seruices are ( clock-like ) to be set , Backward and forward , at their Lords command , You know my father's wayward , and his humour Must not receiue a check , for then all obiects , Feede both his griefe and his impatience , And those affections in him , are like powder , Apt to enflame with euery little sparke , And blow vp reason , therefore Angelo , peace . within . Count. Why this is rare , is he not in the garden ? within . Crist. I know not my Lord. within . Count. See , call him ? Pau. He is comming this way , let 's withdraw a little . Exeunt . within . Seruants . Signior Paulo , Lord Ferneze , Lord Paulo . Scaene 5. Enter Count Ferneze , Maximilian , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Sebast. Balthasar . Count. WHere should he be , trow ? did you looke in the armory ? Sebast. No my Lord. Count. No , why there ? ô who would keepe such drones ? Exeunt Sebast. and Baltha . How now , ha ye found him ? Enter Martin● . Mart. No my Lord. Count. No my Lord , I shall haue shortly all my family Speake nought , but no my Lord , where is Christophero , Enter Chrristophero . Looke how he stands , your sleepy knaue , Exit Martin● . What is he not in the Garden ? Christo. No my good Lord. Count. Your good Lord , ô how this smels of fennell . Enter Sebast. Baltha . You haue bene in the garden it appeares , well , well . Balth. We cannot find him my Lord. Sebast. He is not in the armory . Count. He is not , he is no where , is he ? Maxi. Count Ferneze ▪ Count. Signior . Maxi. Preserue your patience honorable Count. Count. Patience ? a Saint would loose his patience to be crost , As I am with a sort of motly braines , See see , how like a nest of Rookes they stand , Enter Onion . Gaping on one another now Diligence , what news bring you ? Oni. An t please your honour . Count. Tut , tut , leaue pleasing of my honour Diligence , you double with we , come . Oni. How : does he find fault with Please his Honour . Swounds it has begun a seruingmans speech , euer since I belongd to the blew order : I know not how it may shew , now I am in blacke , but — Count. What 's that , you mutter sir ? will you proceed ? Oni. An t like your good Lordship . Count. Yet more , Gods precious . Oni. What , do not this like him neither ? Count. What say you sir knaue ? Oni. Mary I say your Lordship were best to set me to schoole againe , to learne how to deliuer a message . Count. What do you take exceptions at me then . Oni. Exception ? I take no exceptions , but by Gods so your humours — Count. Go to you are a Raskall , hold your tongue . Oni. Your Lordships poore seruant , I. Count. Tempt not my patience . Oni. Why I hope I am no spirit , am I ? Maxi. My Lord , command your Steward to correct the slaue . Oni. Correct him , S'bloud come you and correct him and you haue a minde to it , correct him , that 's a good iest I faith , the Steward and you both , come and correct him . Count. Nay see , away with him , pull his cloth ouer his eares . Oni. Cloth ? tell me of your cloth , here 's your cloth , nay and I mourne a minute longer , I am the rottenest Onion that euer spake with a tongue . They thrust him out . Maxi. What call your hind's count Ferneze ? Count. His name is Onion Signior , Maxi. I thought him some such sawcy companion . Count. Signior Maximillian . Maxi. Sweet Lord. Count. Let me intreat you , you would not regard Any contempt flowing from such a spirit , So rude , so barbarous . Maxi. Most noble Count vnder your fauour — Coun. Why I le tell you Signior , Hee le bandy with me word for word , nay more , Put me to silence , strike me perfect dumb ; And so amaze me , that oftentimes I know not , Whether to check or cherish his presumption : Therefore good Signior . Maxi. Sweet Lord satisfie your selfe , I am not now to learn how to manage my affections , I haue obseru'd , and know the difference betweene a base wretch and a true man , I can distinguish them , the property of the wretch is , he would hurt and cannot , of the man , he can hurt , and will not . Coun. Go to , my merry daughter , ô these lookes , Agree well with your habit , do they not ? Enter Iuniper . Iunip. Tut , let me alone . By your fauour , this is the Gentleman I thinke , Sir you appeare to be an honorable Gentleman , I vnderstand , and could wish ( for mine owne part ) that things were conden't otherwise then they are : but ( the world knowes ) a foolish fellow , somewhat procliue , and hasty , he did it in a preiudicate humour ; mary now vpon better computation , he wanes ; he melts ; his poore eyes are in a cold sweat . Right noble Signior , you can haue but compunction , I loue the man , tender your compassion . Maxi. Doth any man here vnderstand this fellow ? Iunip. O God sir , I may say frustra to the comprehension of your intellection . Maxi. Before the Lord , he speakes all riddle , I thinke . I must haue a comment ere I can conceiue him . Count. Why he sues to haue his fellow Onion pardon'd , And you must grant it Signior . Maxi. O withall my soule my Lord , is that his motion ? Iunip. I sir , and we shall retort these kinde fauours with all allacrity of spirit , we can sir , as may be most expedient , as well for the quality as the cause , till when in spight of this complement : I rest a poore Cobler , seruant to my honorable Lord here , your friend and Iuniper . Exit . Maxi. How Iuniper ? Count. I Signior . Maxi. He is a sweete youth , his tongue has a happy turne when he sleepes . Enter Paulo Ferneze , Francisco , Colomea , Angelo , Valentine . Count. I for then it rests , O Sir your welcome , Why God be thanked you are found at last : Signior Coloma truly you are welcome , I am glad to see you sir so well returned . Fran. I gladly thanke your honour , yet indeed I am sory for such cause of heauinesse , As hath possest your Lordship in my absence . Count. O Francisco ' you knew her what she was ! Fran. She was a wise and honorable Lady . Count. I was she not ! well weepe not she is gone , Passons duld eye can make two grieues of one , Whom death marke out , vertue , nor bluod can saue , Princes , as beggers , all must feed the graue . Max. Are your horse ready Lord Paulo , Pau. I signior the stay for vs at the gate . Max. Well t is good . Ladies I will take my leaue of you , Be your fortunes as your selues ? faire . Come let vs to horse , Count Ferneza I beare a spirit full of thanks for all your honorable courtesies . Count : Sir I could wish the number and value of them more in respect of your deseruings . But Signior Maximillian . I pay you a word in priuate . Aur. I Faith brother you are fitted for a generall yonder , Beshrow my heart ( If I had Fortnnatus hat here ) and I would not wish my selfe a man and go with you , only t' enioy his presence . Pau. Why do you loue him so well sist●r . Aur. No by my troth , but I haue such an odde prety apprehension of his humour me thinks : that I am 〈◊〉 tickled with the conceite of it . O he is a fine man. Ang. And me thinks another may be as fine as he . Aur. O Angel●● , do you thinke I do vrge any comparison against you ? no , I am not so ill bred , as to be a deprauer of your worthines : beleeue me , if I had not some hope of your abiding with vs , I should neuer desire to go out of black whilst I liued ● but learne to speake i' the nose , and turne puritan presently . Ang. I thanke you Lady : I know you can flout . A●r. Come doe you take it so ? I faith you wrong me . Fran. I , but Maddame , Thus to disclaime in all the effects of pleasure , May make your sadnesse seeme to much affected , And then the proper grace of it is lost . Phoenix Indeed sir , if I did put on this sadnesse Onely abroad , and in Society , And were in priuate merry ; and quick humor'd ; Then might it seeme affected and abhord : But as my lookes appeare , such is my spirit , Drown'd vp with confluence of griefe , and melancholy ▪ That like to riuers run through all my vaines , Quenching the pride and feruour of my bloud . Max. My honorable Lord ? no more : There is the honour of my bloud ingag'd , For your sonnes safety . Count. Signior , blame me not , For tending his security so much . He is mine onely sonne , and that word onely . Hath with his strong , and reprecussiue sound , ●troke my heart cold , and giuen it a deepe wound . Max. Why but stay , I beseech you , had your Lordship euer any more sonnes then this . Count. Why haue not you knowen it Maximilian ? Max. Let my Sword faile me then . Count. I had one other yonger borne then this , By twise so many how ers as would fill The circle of a yeare , his name Camillo , Whome in that blacke , and fearfull night I lost , ( T is now a nineteene yeares agone at least , And yet the memory of it fits as fresh Within my braine as t were but yesterday ) It was that night wherein the great Chamont , The generall for France surprised Vicenza , Methinks the horrour of that clamorous shout His souldiers gaue when they attaind the wall , Yet tingles in mine eare , me thinkes I see With what amazed lookes , distracted thoughts , And minds confus'd , we , that were citizens , Confronted one another : euery street Was fild with bitter selfe tormenting cries , And happy was that foote , that first could presse , The flowry champaigne , bordering on Verona . Heere I ( imploy'd about my deare wiues safety ) Whose soule is now in peace ) lost my Camillo . Who sure was murdered by the barbarous Souldiers , Or else I should haue heard — my heart is great . Sorrow is faint ? and passion makes me sweat . Max Grieue not sweet Count : comfort your spirts , you haue a sonne a noble gentleman , he stands in the face of honour : For his safety let that be no question . I am maister of my fortune , and he shall share with me . Farewell my honorable Lord. Ladies once more adiew , for your selfe maddam you are a most rare creature , I tell you so , be not proud of it , I loue you : come Lord Paulo to horse . Pau. Adiew good Signior Francesco : farewell sister . Sound a tucke● , and as they passe euery one seuerally depart , Maximilian , Paulo Ferneze and Angelo remaine Ang. How shall we rid him hence . Pau. Why well inough ? swe●e Sig●ior Maximilian , I haue some small occasion to stay : If it may please you but take horse afore Ile ouer take you , ere your troopes be rang'd . Max. Your motion hath tast wel : Lord Ferneze I go . Exit Max. Pau. Now if my loue faire Rachel , were so happy , But to looke forth . See fortune doth me grace . Enter Rachel . Before I can demaund ? how now loue . Where is your father ? Rach. Gone abroad my Lord : Pau. That 's well . Rach. I but I feare hee le presently returne , Are you now going my most honored Lord ? Pau. I my sweet Rachel . Ang. Before God , she is a sweet wench . Pau. Rachel I hope I shall not need to vrge , The sacred purity of our effects , As if it hung in triall or suspence : Since in our hearts , and by our mutuall vowes , It is confirmed and seald in ●ight of heauen . Nay doe not weepe , why starte you ? feare not , Loue. Your father cannot be return'd so soone , I prithee doe not looke so heauily , Thou shalt want nothing . Rach. No is your presence nothing ? I shall want that , and wanting that , want all : For that is all to me . Pau. Content thee sweet , I haue Made choise here of a constant friend This gentleman ? one , whose zealous loue I doe repose more , then on all the world , Thy beauteous selfe excepted : and to him , Haue I committed my deere care of thee , As to my genius , or my other soule , Receiue him gentle loue , and what deffects My absence proues , his presence shall supply . The time is enuious of our longer stay . Farewell deere Rachel . Rach : Most deere Lord , adew , Heauen and honour crowne your deeds , and you . Exit Rachel . Pau. Faith tell me Angelio how dost thou like her ? Ang. Troth well my Lord , but shall I speake my mind . Pau. I prithee doe . Ang. She is deriud too meanely to be wife To such a noble person , in my iudgement . Pau. Nay then thy iudgement is to meane , I see ▪ Didst thou neare read in difference of good , T is more to shine in vertue then in bloud . Enter Iaques . Ang. Come you are so sententious my Lord. Pau. Here comes her father . How dost thou good Iaques ? Ang. God saue thee Iaques . Iaq. What should this meane ? Rachel open the dore . Exit Iaques . Ang. Sbloud how the poore slaue lookes , as though He had bene haunted by the spirit Lar , Or seene the ghost of some great Satrapas In an vnsauory sheet . Pau. I muse he spake not , belike he was amazd Comming so suddenly and vnprepard ? Well le ts go . Exeunt . Actus secundi Scaena prima . Enter Iaques solus . SO now inough my heart , beat now no more ▪ At least for this afright , what a could sweat Flow'd on my browes , and ouer all my bosome ! Had I not reason ? to behold my dore Beset with vnthrifts , and my selfe abroad ? Why Iaques ? was their nothing in the house Worth a continuall eye , a vigelent thought , Whose head should neuer nod , nor eyes once wincke ? Looke on my coate , my thoughts worne quite thred bare , That time could neuer couer with a nappe , And by it learne , neuer with nappes of sleepe , To smother your conceipts of that you keepe . But yet , I maruell , why these gallant youths Spoke me so faire , and I esteemd a beggar ? The end of flattery , is gaine , or lechery : If they seeke gaine of me , they thinke me rich , But that they do not : for their other obiect : T is in my handsome daughter , if it be . And by your leaue , her handsomnesse may tell them My beggery counterfeits , and , that her neatnesse , Flowes from some store of wealth , that breakes my coffers , With this same engine , loue to mine owne breed . But this is answered : Beggers will keepe fine , Their daughters , being faire , though themselues 〈◊〉 Well then , it is for her , I , t' is sure for her , And I make her so briske for some of them , That I might liue alone once with my gold . O t' is a sweet companion ▪ kind and true ▪ A man may trust it when his father cheats him , Brother , or friend , or wife , ô wondrous pelfe , , ,That which makes all men false , is true it selfe . But now this maid , is but suppos'd my daughter : For I being Steward to a Lord of France , Of great estate , and wealth , called Lord Chammount , He gone into the warres , I stole his treasure , ( But heare not , any thing ) I stole his treasure , And this his daughter , being but two yeares old , Because it lou'd me so , that it would leaue The nurse her selfe , to come into mine armes , And had I left it , it would sure haue dyed . Now herein I was kinde , and had a conscience ; And since her Lady mother that did dye In child-bed of her , loued me passing well , It may be nature fashiond this affection , Both in the child and her : but hee s ill bred , That ransackes tombes , and doth deface the dead . I 'le therefore say no more : suppose the rest , Here haue I chang'd my forme , my name and hers . And liue obsurely , to enioy more safe Enter Rachel . My deerest treasure . But I must abroad , Rachel ▪ Rach. VVhat is your pleasure sir ? Iaq. Rachel I must abroad . Lock thy selfe in , but yet take out the key , That whosoeuer peepes in at the key-hole , May yet imagine there is none at home . Rach. I will sir. Iaq. But harke thee Rachel : say a theefe should come , And misse the key , he would resoule indeede None were at home , and so breake in the rather : Ope the doo●● Rachel , set it open daughter ; But sit in it thy selfe : and tal●e alowd , As if there were some more in house with thee : Put out the fire , kill the chimnies hart , That it may breath no more then a dead man , The more we spare my child , the more we gaine . Exeu●● . Scaene 2. Enter Christopher● , I●●iper and Onion . CHrist. What sayes my fellow Onion ? come on . Oni. All of a house sir , but no fellowes , you are my Lords Steward , but I pray you what thinke you of loue , sir ? Christ. Of loue Onion ? Why it 's a very honourable humor . Oni. Nay if it be but worshipfull I care not . Iunip. Go to , it 's honorable , chocke not at the conceit of the Gentleman . Oni. But in truth sir , you shall do well to think well of loue : For it thinkes well of you , in me , I assure you . Chris. G●●mercy fellow Onion : I do 〈◊〉 well , thou are in loue , art thou ? Oni. Partly sir , b●● I am asham'd to say wholy . Chris. Well , I will further●● in thee to any honest woman , or maiden , the 〈…〉 . I●nip . Why now you co●e n●●re him sir , he doth vaile , He doth remuner●●e , he doth ●haw● he 〈◊〉 the kindnesse Of an honest imperfection in your worship . Chris. But who is it thou louest fellow Onion ? Oni. Mary a poore 〈◊〉 daughter , but none of the honestest , I hope . Chris. Why , wouldst thou not haue her honest ? Oni. O no , for then I am sure she would not haue me ▪ T is Rachel de Pri● . Chris. Why , she hath the name of a very vertuo●● mayden . Iunip. So shee is sir , but the fellow talkes in quiddi●s , he . Chris. What wouldst thou haue me do in the matter ? Oni. Do nothing sir , I pray you , but speake for me . Chris. In what maner ? Oni. My fellow Iuniper can tell you sir. Iunip. Why as thus sir. Your worship may commend him for a fellow fit for consanguinity , and that he shaketh with desire of procreation , or so . Chris. That were not so good , me thinkes . Iunip. No sir , why so sir ? what if you should say to her , correborate thy selfe sweete soule , let me distinguish thy pappes with my fingers , diuine Mumps , prety Pastorella ? lookest thou so sweet and bounteous ? comfort my friend 〈◊〉 Chris. Well I perceiue you wish , I should say something m●y do him grace , and further hi● desires , and that be 〈◊〉 I will. Oni. I thanke you sir , God saue your life , I pray God sir. Iunip. Your worship 〈…〉 good to liue long 〈◊〉 contaminate me no seruice ▪ Chris. Command thou wouldest say , no good Iuniper . Iunip. Health and wealth sir. Exeunt Onion and Iuniper . Chris. This wench wil I solicite for my selfe , Making my Lord and maister priuy to it ; And if he second me with his consent , I will proceede , as hauing long ere this , Thought her a worthy choyce to make my wife . Exit . Scaene 3. Enter Aurelia , Phoenixella . AVre. Roome for a case of matrons-coloured blacke , How motherly my mothers death hath made vs ? I would I had some girles now to bring vp ; O I could make a wench so vertuous , She should say grace to euery bit of meate , And gape no wider then a wafers thicknesse : And she should malle French cur●i●● , so most low , That euery touch should turne her ouer backward . Phoeni. Sister , these words become not your attire , Nor your estate : our vertuous mothers death Should print more deepe effects of sorrow in vs , Then may be worne out in so little time . Aure. Sister , faith you take too much Tobacco , It makes you blacke within , as y' are without . What true-stich sister ? both your sides alike ? Be of a sleighter worke : for of my word , You shall be sold as deere or rather deerer ? Will you be bound to customes and to rites ? Shed profitable 〈◊〉 , weepe for aduantage ▪ Or else , do all things , as you are enclynd , Hate when your stomacke serues ( saith the Physitian ) Not at eleu●● 〈◊〉 sixe . So if your humour Be now 〈◊〉 with this heauinesse . Giue me the reines and spare not , as I do , In this my pleasurable appetite , It is Pracisianisme to alter that ▪ With austere iudgement , that is giuen by nature . I wept you saw too , when my mother dyed : For then I found it easier to do so , And fitter with my moode , then not to weepe . But now t is otherwise , another time Perhaps I shall haue such deepe thoughts of her , That I shall weepe a fresh , some tweluemonth hence , And I will weepe , if I be so disposd , And put on blacke , as grimly then , as now ; Let the minde go still with the bodies stature , Iudgement is ●●t for Iudges , giue me nature . Scaene . 4. Enter Aurelia , Ph●nixella , Francisco , Angelo . FRan . See Signior Angelo here are the Ladies , Go you and comfort one , I le to the other . Ange. Therefore I come sir , I 'le to the eldest . God saue you Ladies , these sad moodes of yours , That make you choose these solitary walkes , Are hurtfull for your beauties . Aure. If we had them . Ange. Come , that condition might be for your hearts , When you protest faith , since we cannot see them . But this same heart of beauty , your sweet face Is in mine eye still . Aure. O you cut my heart with your sharpe eye . Ange. Nay Lady that 's not so , your heart 's to hard . Aure. My beautie● hart ? Ange. O no. I meane that regent of affection , Maddam , That tramples on al loue with such contempt ●n this faire breast . Aur. No more , your drift is sauour'd , I had rather seeme hard hearted Ang. Then hard fauour'd , Is that your meaning , Lady ? Aur. Go too sir. Your wits are fresh I know , they need no spur . Ang. And therefore you wil ride them . Aur. Say I doe . They will not tire I hope ? Ang. No not with you , hark you sweet Lady . Fran. T is much pitty Maddam . You should haue any reason to retaine This signe of griefe , much lesse the thing difignde . Phoe. Griefes are more fit for Ladies then their pleasures . Fran. That is for such as follow nought but pleasures . But you that temper them so wel with vertues , Vsing your griefes so it would prooue them pleasures . And you would seeme in cause of griefes & pleasures equally pleasant . Phoe. Sir so I do now . It is the excesse of either that I striue So much to shun in all my proou'd endeauours , Although perhaps vnto a generall eye , I may appeare most wedded to my griefes , Yet doth my mind forsake no tast of pleasure , I meane that happy pleasure of the soule , Deuine and sacred contemplation Of that eternall , and most glorious blisse , Proposed as the crowne vnto our soules . Fran. I will be silent , yet that I may serue But as a Decade in the art of memory To put you stil in mind of your owne vertues When your too serious thoughts make you too sad ) Accept me for your seruant honored Lady . Ph●●● . Those cerimonies are too comon signior Francis , For your vncommon grauitie , and iudgement , And fits them onely , that are nought but cerimony . Ang. Come , I will not sue , stally to be your seruant , But a new tearme , will you be my refuge ? Aur. Your refuge ▪ why sir. Ange. That I might fly to you , when all else faile me . Aur. And you be good at flying , be my Plouer . Ang. Nay take away the P. Aur. Tut , then you cannot fly : Ang. I le warrant you . I le borrow Cupids wings . Aur. Masse then I feare me you le do strange things : I pray you blame me not , if I suspect you , Your owne confession simply doth detect you , Nay and you be so great in Cupids bookes , T' will make me Iealous . you can with your lookes ( I warrant you ) enflame a womans heart , And at your pleasure take loues golden dart , And wound the brest of any vertous maide . Would I were hence : good Faith I am affraid , You can constraine one ere they be aware , To run mad for your loue ? Ang. O this is rate . Scaene 6. Aurelio , Phoenixella , Francisco , Angelo , Count. COunt . Close with my daughters gentlemen ? wel done , T is like your selues : nay lusty Angelo , Let not my presence make you bauke your sport , I will not breake a minute of discourse Twixt you and one of your faire Mistresses . Ang. One of my mistresses ? why thinks your Lordship I haue so many Count. Many ? no Angelo . I do not thinke th' ast many , some fourteene I here thou hast , euen of our worthiest dames , Of any note , in Millaine . Ang. Nay good my Lord fourteene : it is not so . Count. by 'th the Masse that i st , here are their names to shew Fourteene , or fifteene t'one . Good Angelo . You need not be ashamd of any of them , They are gallants all . Ang. Sbloud you are such a Lord. Count. Nay stay sweet Angelo , I am disposed Exit Ang : A little to be pleasant past my coustome , He 's gone ? he 's gone , I haue disgrast him shrewdly , Daughters take heede of him , he 's a wild youth , Looke what he sayes to you beleeue him not , He will sweare loue to euery one he sees . Francisco , giue them councell , good Francisco , I dare trust thee with both , but him with neither . Fran. Your Lordship yet may trust both them with him . Exunt . Scaene 7. Count. Christopher , Count. Well goe your waies away , how now Christopher , What newes with you ? Christ. I haue an humble suit to your good Lordship . Count. A suit Christopher ? what suit I prithee ? Christ. I would craue pardon at your Lordships hands , If it seeme vaine or simple in your sight . Count. I le pardon all simplicity , Christopher , What is thy suit ? Christ. Perhaps being now so old a batcheler , I shall seeme halfe vnwise , to bend my selfe In strict affection to a poore yong maide . Count. What ? is it touching loue Christopher ? Art thou dispost to marry , why t is well . Christo. I , bu● your Lordship may imagine now That I being steward of your honours house . If I be maried once , will more regard The maintenance of my wife and of my charge , Then the due discharge of my place and office : Count. No , no , Christopher , I know thee honest . Christo. Good faith my Lord , your honour may suspect it ▪ but — Count. Then I should wrong thee , thou hast euer been Honest and true , and will be still I knowe . Chris. I but this marriage alters many men : And you may feare , it will do me my Lord , But ere it do so ? I will vndergoe Ten thousand seuerall deaths . Count. I know it man. Who wouldst thou haue I prithee ? Chris. Rachel de prie , If your good Lordship , graunt me your consent . Count. Rachel de prie ? what the poore beggers daughter ? Shee s a right handsome maide , how poore soeuer , And thou hast my consent , with all my hart . Chris. I humbly thanke your honour . I le now aske her father . Exit . Count. Do so Christofero thou shalt do well . T is strange ( she being so poore ) he should affect her , But this is more strange that my selfe should loue her . I spide her , lately , at her fathers doore , And if I did not see in her sweet face Gentry and noblenesse , nere trust me more : But this perswasion , fancie wrought in me , That fancie being created with her lookes , For where loue is he thinke his ba●est obiect Gentle and noble : I am farre in loue , And shall be forc'd to wrong my honest steward , For I must sat , and seeke her for my selfe ; How much my duetie to my late dead wife , And my owne deere renowne so er● it swaies , I le to her father straight . Loue hates delays . Exit . Scaene 8. Enter Onion , Iuniper , Valentine , Sebastian , Balthasar , Martino . Onion . Come on Isaith , le ts to some exercise or other my hearts : Fetch the hilts fellow Iuniper , wilt thou play : Exit Martino . Iun. I cannot resolue you ? t is as I am fitted with the ingenuity , quantity , or quality of the cudgell . Valen. How dost thou bastinado the poore cudgell with tearmes ? Iuni. O Ingle , I haue the phrases man , and the Anagrams and the Epitaphs , fitting the mistery of the noble science . Oni. I le be hangd & he were not misbegotten of some fencer . Sebast. Sirrah Valentine , you can resolue me now , haue they their maisters of defence in other countries as we haue here in Italy ? Valen. O Lord , I , especially they in Vtopia , there they performe their prizes and chalenges , with as great cerimony as the Italian or any nation else . Balt Indeed ? how is the manner of it ( for gods loue ) good Valentine ? Iuni. Ingle ? I prithee make recourse vnto vs , wee are thy friends and familiars : sweet Ingle . Valen. Why thus sir. Oni. God a mercy good Valentine , nay go on . Iuni. Silentium bonus socius Onionus , good fellow Onion be not so ingenious , and turbulent : so sir ? and how ? how sweete Ingle ? Valen. Marry , first they are brought to the publicke Theater : Iuni. What ? ha ? they Theater there Valen. Theaters ? I and plaies to : both tragidy and comedy & set foorth with as much state as can be imagined ? Iuni. By Gods so ; a man is nobody , till he has trauelled . Sebast. And how are their plaies ? as ours are ? extemporall ? Valen. O no ? all premeditated things , and some of them very good I faith , my maister vsed to visite them often when he was there . Balth. Why how are they in a place where any man may see them ? Valen. I , in the common Theaters , I tell you . But the sport is at a new play to obserue the sway and variety of oppinion that passeth it . A man shall haue such a confus'd mixture of iudgement , powr'd out in the throng there , as ridiculous , as laughter it selfe : one saies he likes not the writing , another likes not the plot , another not the playing . And sometimes a fellow that comes not there past once in fiue yeare at a Parliament time or so , will be as deepe myr'd in censuring as the best , and sweare by Gods foote he would neuer stirre his foote to see a hundred such as that is . Oni. I must trauell to see these things , I shall nere think well of my selfe else . Iunip. Fellow Onion , I le beare thy charges and thou wilt but pilgrimize it along with me , to the land of Vtopia . Sebast. Why but me thinkes such rookes as these should be asham'd to iudge . Valen. Not a whit ? the rankest stinkard of them all , will take vpon him as peremptory , as if he had writ himselfe in artibus magister . Sebast. And do they stand to a popular censure for any thing they present . Valen. I euer , euer , and the people generally are very acceptiue and apt to applaud any meritable worke , but there are two sorts of persons that most commonly are infectious to a whole auditory . Balth. What be they ? Iunip. I come le ts know them . Oni. It were good they were noted . Valen. Marry ? one is the rude barbarous crue a people that haue no braines , and yet grounded iudgements , these will hisse any thing that mounts aboue their grounded capacities . But the other are worth the obseruation , I faith . Omnes . What be they ? what be they ? Valen. Faith a few Caprichious gallants . Iunip. Caprichious ? stay , that word 's for me . Valen. And they haue taken such a habit of dislike in all things , that they will approue nothing , be it neuer so conceited or elaborate , but sit disperst , making faces , and spitting , wagging their vpright eares and cry filthy , filthy . Simply vttering their owne condition , and vsing their wryed countenances in stead of a vice , to turne the good aspects of all that shall sit neere them , from what they behold . Enter Martino with cudgels . Oni. O that 's well sayd , lay them downe , come sirs . Who plaies , fellow Iuniper , Sebastian , Balthasar : Some body take them vp , come . Iunip. Ingle Valentine ? Valen. Not I sir , I professe it not . Iunip. Sebastian . Sebast. Balthasar . Balth. Who ? I ? Oni. Come , but one bout , I le giue hem thee , I faith . Balth. Why , here 's Martino . Oni. Foe he , alas he cannot play a whit , man. Iunip. That 's all one : no more could you in stata quo prius , Martino , play with him , euery man has his beginning and conduction . Mart. Will you not hurt me fellow Onion ? Oni. Hurt thee , no ? and I do , put me among pot-hearbs , And chop me to peeces , come on ? Iunip. By your fauor sweet bullies giue them roome , back , so , Martino , do not looke so thin vpon the matter . Oni. Ha , well plaid , fall ouer to my legge now ? so ▪ to your guard againe , excellent , to my head now , make home your blow : spare not me , make it home , good , good againe . Sebast. Why how now Peter ? Valen. Gods so , Onion has caught a bruise . Iunip. Couragio ? be not caprichio●s ? what ? Oni. Caprichio●s ? not I , I scorn to be caprichious for a scrach , Martino must haue another bout , come . Val. Seb. Balth. No , no , play no more , play no more . Oni. Foe , t is nothing , a philip , a deuise , fellow Iuniper prithee get me a Plantan , I had rather play with one that had skil by halfe . Mart. By my troth , fellow Onion , t was against my will. Oni. Nay that 's not so , t was against my head , But come , wee le ha one bout more . Iunip. Not a bout , not a stroke . Omnes . No more , no more . Iunip. Why I le giue you demonstration , how it came , Thou openest the dagger to falsifie ouer with the back sword frick , and he interrupted , before he could fall to the close . Oni. No , no , I know best how it was better thē any man here , I felt his play presently : for looke you , I gathered vpon him thus , thus do you see ? for the double locke , and tooke it single on the head . Valen. He sayes very true , he tooke it single on the head . Sebast. Come le ts go . Enter Martino with a cob-web . Mar. Here fellow Onion , here 's a cob-web . Oni. How ? a cob-web Martino , I will haue another bout with you ? S'wounds do you first breake my head , and then giue me a plaister in scorne ? come to it , I will haue a bout . Mar● . God's my witnesse . Oni. Tut ! your witnesse cannot serue . Iunip. S'bloud ? why what , thou art not lunatike , art thou ? and thou bee'st auoide Mephostophiles . Say the signe should be in Aries now : as it may be for all vs , where were your life ? Answere me that ? Sebast. Hee sayes well , Onion . Valen. I indeed doo's he . Iunip. Come , come , you are a foolish Naturalist , go , get a white a of an egge , and a little flax , and close the breach of the head , it is the most conducible thing that can be . Marti●● , do not insinuate vpon your good fortune , but play an honest part and beare away the bucklers . Exeunt . Act. 3. Scaene 1. Enter Angelo solus . ANge. My yong and simple friend , Paulo Ferneze , Bound me with mighty solemne coniurations , To be true to him , in his loue , to Rachel , And to solicite his remembrance still , In his enforced absence , much , I faith . True to my friend in cases of affection ? In womens cases ? what a iest it is ? How silly he is , that imagines it ! He is an asse that will keepe promise stricktly In any thing that checkes his priuate pleasure ; Chiefly in loue . S'bloud am not I a man ? Haue I not eyes that are as free to looke ? And bloud to be enflam'd as well as his ? And when it is so , shall I not pursue Mine owne loues longings , but preferre my friends ? I t is a good foole , do so , hang me then , Because I swore , alas , who doo's not know , That louers periuries are ridiculous ? Haue at thee Rachel : I le go court her sure : For now I know her father is abroad . Enter Iaques . S'bloud see , he is here , ô what damn'd lucke is this ? This labour 's lost , I must by no meanes see him . tan , dery , dery , Exit . Scaene 2. Iaques , Christophere . IAq. Mischiefe and hell , what is this man a spirit , Haunts he my houses ghost ? still at my doore ? He has beene at my doore , he has beene in , In my deere doore : pray God my gold be safe . Enter Christophere . Gods pitty , here 's another . Rachel , h● Rachel . Chris. God saue you honest father . Iaq. Rachel , Gods light , come to me , Rachel , Rachel ! Exit . Chris. Now in Gods name what ayles he ? this is strange ! He loues his daughter so , I le lay my life , That hee 's afraid , hauing beene now abroad , I come to seeke her loue vnlawfully . Enter Iaques . Iaq. T is safe , t is safe , they haue not rob'd my treasure . Chris. Let it not seeme offensiue to you sir. Iaq. Sir , Gods my life , sir , sir , call me sir. Chris. Good father here me . Iaq. You are most welcome sir , I meant almost ; and would your worship speake ? Would you abase your selfe to speake to me ? Chris. T is no abasing father : my intent Is to do further honour to you sir Then onely speake : which is to be your sonne . Iaq. My gold is in his nostrels , he has smelt it , Breake breast , breake heart , fall on the earth my entrailes , With this same bursting admiration ! He knowes my gold , he knowes of all my treasure , How do you know sir ? whereby do you guesse ? Chris. At what sir ? what i st you meane ▪ Iaq. I aske , an 't please your Gentle worship , how you know ? I meane , how I should make your worship know That I haue nothing — To giue with my poore daughter ? I haue nothing : The very aire , bounteous to euery man , Is scant to me , sir. Chris. I do thinke good father , you are but poore , Iaq. He thinkes so , harke , but thinke so : He thinkes not so , he knowes of all my treasure . Exit . Chris. Poore man he is so ouerioyed to heare His daughter may be past his hopes bestowed , That betwixt feare and hope ( if I meane simply ) He is thus passionate . Enter Iaques . Iaq. Yet all is safe within , is none without ? No body breake my walles ? Chris. What say you father , shall I haue your daughter ? Iaq. I haue no dowry to bestow vpon her . Chris. I do expect none , father . Iaq. That is well . Then I beseech your worship make no question Of that you wish , t is too much fauour to me . Chris. I le leaue him now to giue his passions breath , Which being setled , I will fetch his daughter : I shall but moue too much , to speake now to him . Exit Christopher● . Iaq. So , hee 's gone , would all were dead and gone , That I might liue with my deere gold alone . Scaene 3. Iaques , Count. COunt . Here is the poore old man. Iaq. Out of my soule another , comes he hither ? Count. Be not dismaid old man , I come to cheere you . Iaq. To me by heauen , Turne ribs to brasse , turne voice into a trumpet , To rattle out the battels of my thoughts . One comes to hold me talke , while th' other robbes me . Exit . Count. He has forgot me sure : what should this meane ? He feares authority , and my want of wife Will take his daughter from him to defame her : He that hath naught on earth but one poore daughter , May take this extasie of care to keepe her . Enter Iaques . Iaq. And yet t is safe : they meane not to vse force , But fawning comming . I shall easly know By his next question , if he thinke me rich , Whom see I ? my good Lord ? Count. Stand vp good father , I call thee not father for thy age ; But that I gladly wish to be thy sonne , In honoured marriage with thy beauteous daughter . Iaq. O , so , so , so , so , so , this is for gold , Now it is sure , this is my daughters neatnesse , Makes them beleeue me rich . No , my good Lord , I le tell you all ; how my poore haplesse daughter Got that attire she weares from top to toe . Count. Why father , this is nothing . Iaq. O yes , good my Lord. Count. Indeed it is not . Iaq. Nay sweet Lord pardon me ! do not dissemble , Heare your poore beads-man speake ; t is requisite That I ( so huge a beggar ) make account Of things that passe my calling : she was borne T' enioy nothing vnderneath the sonne : But that , if she had more then other beggars She should be enuied : I will tell you then How she had all she weares , her warme shooes ( God wot ) A kind maide gaue her , seeing her go barefoot In a cold frosty morning ; God requite her ; Her homely stockings Count. Father , I le heare no more , thou mou'st too much With thy too curious answere for thy daughter , That doth deserue a thousand times as much , I le be thy Sonne in law , and she shall weare Th' attire of Countesses . Iaq. O good my Lord , Mock not the poore , remembers not your Lordship , That pouerty is the precious gift of God. As well as riches , tread vpon me , rather Then mocke my poorenes . Count. Rise I say : When I mocke poorenes , then heauens make me poore . Enter N●●tius . Scaene 7. Nuncio , Count. NVn. See here 's the Count Ferneze , I will tell him The haplesse accident of his braue sonne , That hee may seeke the sooner to redeeme him , Exit Iaques : God saue your Lordship . Count. You are right welcome sir. Nun. I would I brought such newes as might deserue it . Count. What , bring you me ill newes ? Nun. T is ill my Lord , Yet such as vsuall chance of warre affoords , And for which all men are prepar'd that vse it , And those that vse it not , but in their friends , Or in their children . Count. Ill newes of my sonne ? My deere and onely sonne , I le lay my soule , Ay me accurs'd , thought of his death doth wound me , And the report of it will kill me quite . Nun. T is not so ill my Lord. Count. How then ? Nun. Hee 's taken prisoner , and that 's all . Count. That 's enough , enough , I set my thoughts on loue , on seruile loue , Forget my vertuous wife , feele not the dangers , The bands and wounds of mine owne flesh and bloud , And therein am a mad man : therein plagu'd , With the most iust affliction vnder heauen . Is Maximilian taken prisoner to ? Nun. My good my Lord , he is return'd with prisoners . Count. I st possible , can Maximilian ? Returne , and view my face without my sonne , For whom he swore such care as for himselfe ? Nun. My Lord no care can change the euents of war. Count. O! in what tempests do my fortunes saile , Still wrackt with winds more foule and contrary , Then any northen guest , or Southerne flawe ? That euer yet inforc't the sea to gape , And swallow the poore Marchants traffique vp ? First in Vicenza , lost I my first sonne ; Next here in Millaine my most deere lou'd Lady : And now my Paulo , prisoner to the French , Which last being printed with my other griefes , Doth make so huge a volume , that my brest Cannot containe them . But this is my loue● I must make loue to Rachel , heauen hath throwne , This vengeance on me most deseruedly : Were it for nought but wronging of my steward . Nun. My Lord since onely mony may redresse The worst of this misfortune , be not griued , Prepare his ransome and your noble sonne Shall greete your cheered eyes , with the more honour . Count. I will prepare his ransome : gratious heauen Grant his imprisonment may be his worst , Honored and souldier like imprisonment , And that he be not manacled and made A drudge to his proude foe . And here I vow , Neuer to dreame of seeme-les amorous toyes , Nor aime at other ioy on earth , But the fruition of my onely sonne . Exunt Scaene 5. Enter Iaques with his gold and a scuttle full of horse-dung . Iaq , He 's gone : I knew it ; this is our hot louer , I will beleeue them ! I● they may come in Like simple woers , and be arrant theeues , And I not know them ! t is not to be told , What seruile villanies , men will do for gold , O it began to haue a huge strong smell , Which lying so long together in a place ; I le giue it vent , it shall ha shift inough , And if the diuell , that enuies all goodnesse , Haue told them of my gold , and where I kept it , I le set his burning nose once more a worke , To smell where I remou'd it , here it is : I le hide and couer it with this horse-dung : Who will suppose that such a precious ne● Is crownd with such a dunghill excrement ? In my deere life , sleepe sweetly my deere child . " Scarce lawfully begotten , but yet gotten , " And that 's enough . Rot all hands that come neere thee Except mine owne . Burne out all eyes that see thee , Except mine owne . All thoughts of thee be poyson To their enamor'd harts , except mine owne , I le take no leaue , sweet Prince great Emperour , But see thee euery minute , King of Kings , I le not be rude to thee , and turne my backe , In going from thee , but go backward out : With my face toward thee , with humble curtesies , None is within . None ouerlookes my wall . To haue gold , and to haue it safe , is all . Exit . Actus 3. Scaene 1. Enter Maximilian , with souldiers Chamount , Camilla , Ferneze , Pacue . Max. Lord Chamount and your valient friend there ▪ I cannot say welcome to Millaine : your thoughts and that word are not musicall , but I can say you are come to Millaine . Pac. Mort d●ew . Cha. Gar soone . Max. Gentlemen ( I would cal an Emperour so ) you are now my prisoners , I am sorry , marry this , spit in the face of your fortunes , for your vsage shall be honorable . Cam. Wee know it signior Maximilian , The fame of al your actions sounds nought else , But perfect honour from her swelling cheeks . Max. It shall do so still I assure you , and I will giue you reason , there is in this last action ( you know ) a noble gentleman of our party , & a right valient ; semblably prisoner to your general , as your honor'd selfe 's to me , for whose safety , this tongue hath giuen warrant to his honorable father , the Count Ferneze . You conceiue me . Cam. I signior . Max. Well ? then I must tell you your ransomes be to redeeme him , what thinke you ? your answer . Cam. Marry with my Lords leaue here I say signior , This free & ample offer you haue made , Agrees well with your honour , but not ours : For I thinke not but Chamount is aswell borne As is Ferneze , then if I mistake not , He scornes to haue his worth so vnderprised , That it should neede an adiunct , in exchange , Of any equall fortune . Noble Signior ? I am a souldier , and I loue Chamount , Ere I would bruse his estimation , With the least ruine of mine owne respect , In this vild kind , these legs should rot with irons , This body pine in prison , till the flesh Dropt from my bones in flakes , like withered leaues , In heart of Autumne , from a stubborne Oke . Maxi. Mounsieur Gasper ( I take it so is your name ) misprise me not , I wil trample on the hart , on the soule of him that shall say , I will wrong you : what I purpose , you cannot now know ; but you shall know , and doubt not to your contentment . Lord Chamount , I will leaue you , whilest I go in and present my selfe to the honorable Count , till my regression so please you , your noble feete may measure this priuate , pleasant and most princely walke , Souldiers regard them and respect them . Pac. O Ver bon : excellenta gull , he tak'a my Lord Chamount for Mounsieur Gaspra , & Mounsieur Gaspra for my Lord Chamont , ô dis be braue for make a me laugh'a , ha , ha , ha , ô my heart tickla . Cam. I but your Lordship knowes not what hard fate Might haue pursued vs , therefore howsoere The changing of our names was necessary And we must now be carefull to maintaine This error strongly , which our owne deuise , Hath thrust into their ignorant conceits , For should we ( on the taste of this good fortune ) Appeare our selues , t' would both create in them A kinde of iealousie , and perchaunce inuert Those honourable courses they intend . Cha. True my deere Gasper : but this hangby here , Will ( at one time or other ) on my soule Discouer vs : A secret in his mouth Is like a wild bird put into a cage , Whose doore no sooner opens , but t is out . But sirra , if I may but know Thou vtterst it Pac. Vtteri● ? vat Mounsieur ? Cha. That he is Gasper , and I true Chamount . Pac. O pardone ●●y , fore my tongue shall put out de secreta , Shall breede de ●an●ra in my mouth . Count. Speake not so loud Pacus . Pac. Foe , you shall not heare foole , for all your long eare , Reguard Mounsieur : you be de Chamont , Chamont be Gaspra . Enter Count Ferneze , Maximilian , Francesco , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Finio . Cha. Peace , here comes Maximilian . Cam. O belike that 's the Count Ferneze , that old man. Cha. Are those his daughters , trow ? Cam. I sure , I thinke they are . Cha. Fore God the taller is a gallant Lady . Cam. So are they both beleeue me . Max. True my honorable Lord , that Chamont was the father of this man. Count. O that may be , for when I lost my sonne , This was but yong it seemes . Fran. Faith had Camillo liued , He had beene much about his yeares , my Lord. Count. He had indeed , well , speake no more of him . Max. Signior perceiue you the errour ? t was no good office in vs to stretch the remembrance of so deere a losse . Count Ferneze , let sommer sit in your eye , looke cheerefully sweete Count , will you do me the honour to confine this noble spirit within the circle of your armes ? Count. Honor'd Chamont reach me your valiant hand , I could haue wisht some happier accident ▪ Had made the way vnto this mutuall knowledge , Which either of vs now must take of other , But sure it is the pleasure of our fates , That we should thus be wrack't on Fortunes wheele , Let vs prepare with steeled patience To tread on torment , and with mindes confirm'd Welcome the worst of enuy . Max. Noble Lord , t is thus . I haue here ( in mine honour ) set this gentleman free , without ransome , he is now himselfe , his valour hath deseru'd it , in the eye of my iudgement . Mounsieur Gasper you are deere to me : fortuna non mutuat genus . But to the maine , if it may square with your Lordships liking , and his loue , I could desire that he were now instantly imployed to your noble Generall in the exchange of Ferneze for your selfe , it is the businesse that requires the tender hand of a friend . Count. I , and it would be with more speed effected , If he would vndertake it . Max. True my Lord. Mounsieur Gasper , how stand you affected to this motion ? Cha. My duty must attend his Lordships will. Max. What sayes the Lord Chamont ? Cam. My will doth then apprroue what these haue vrg'd . Max. Why there is good harmony , good musicke in this ▪ Mounsieur Gasper , you shall protract no time , onely I will giue you a bowle of rich wine to the health of your Generall , another to the successe of your iourney , and a third to the loue of my sword . Passe . Exeunt all but Aurelia and Phoenixella . Aure. Why how now sister in a motley muse ? Go to , ther 's somewhat in the wind , I see . Faith this browne study suites not with your blacke , Your habit and your thoughts are of two colours . Phoen. Good faith me thinkes that this young Lord Chamont fauours my mother , sister , does he not ? Aure. A mothelry conceite , ô blind excuse , Blinder then loue himselfe . Well sister , well . Cupid hath tane his stand in both your eyes , The case is alterd . Phoen. And what of that ? Aure. Nay nothing but a Saint . Another Bridget , one that for a face Would put downe Vesta , in whose lookes doth swim , The very sweetest creame of modesty . You to turne tippet ? fie , fie , will you giue A packing penny to Virginity . I thought youl 'd dwell so long in Cypres I le , You 'd worship Maddam Venus at the length ; But come , the strongest fall , and why not you ? Nay , do not frowne . Phoen. Go , go , you foole . Adiew . Exit . Aure. Well I may iest , or so : but Cupid knowes My taking is as bad , or worse then hers . O Mounsieur Gasper ? if thou be●'st a man , Be not affraid to court me , do but speake , Challenge thy right and weare it : for I sweare Till thou arriud'st , nere came affection here . Exit . Enter Pacus , Finio . Fin. Come on my sweet finicall Pacus , the very prime Of Pages , here 's an excellent place for vs to practise in , No body sees vs here , come le ts to it . Enter Onion . Pac. Contenta● Reguarde , vou le Preimer . Oni. Sirra Finio ? Pac. Mort dei● le pesant . Oni. Didst thou see Valentine ? Finio . Valentine ? no. Oni. No ? Fini. No. Sirrah Onion , whither goest ? Oni. O I am vext , he th●e would trust any of these lying trauellers . Finio . I prithee stay good Onion . Pac. Mounsieur Onion , veneca , come hidera , Ie vou prey . By gar me ha see two , tree , foure hundra towsand of your Cousan hang , Lend me your hand , shall prey for know you bettra . Oni. I thanke you good signior Parla vou ? O that I were in an other world , in the Ingies , or some where , that I might haue roome to laugh . Pac. A we fort boon : stand ? you be deere now , me come , Boon iout Mounsieur . Vnder the arme . Fin. God morrow good signior . Pac By gar , be mush glad for see you . Fin I returne you most kind thanks sir. Oni. How ? how ? Sbloud this is rare ? Pac. Nay , shall make you say rare by and by , Reguard Mounsieur Finio , The shoulder Fin. Signior Pache. Pac. Dieu vou gard Mounsieur . Fin. God saue you sweet signior . Pac. Mounsieur Onion ? is not for t boon . Oni. Beane ? quoth he , would I were in debt of a pottle of beanes I could do as much . Fin. Welcome signior , what 's next ? Pac. O here , Void de grand admiration , as should meet perchance Mounsieur Finio . Fin. Mounsieur Pacus ▪ Pac. Iesu ? by Gar who thinke wee shall meete here ? Fin. By this hand I am not a little proud of it , sir Oni : This trick is onely for the the chamber , it cannot be cleanly done abroad . Pac. Well what say you for dis den ? Mounsieur . Fin. Nay pray , sir. Pac. Par ma foy vou bein encounters ? Fin What doe you meane sir , let your gloue alone . Pac. Comen , se porte la sante . Fin. Faith exceeding well sir. Pac , Trot , be mush ioy for heire . Fin. And how i st with you sweet signior Pache. Pac. Fat comme vou voyer . Oni. Yong gentlemen ? spirits of bloud , if euer you le tast of a sweet peece of mutton , do Onion a good turne now . Pac. Que que , parla Mounseir , what i st . Oni. Faith teach me one of these tricks . Pac. O me shall doe presently , stand you deere , you signior deere , my selfe is here : so sort bein , now I parle to Mounseir Onion , Onion pratla to you , you speaka to me , so , and as you parle chang the bonet , Mounseir Onion . Oni. Mounseiur Finio . Fin. Mounseur Pacue . Pac. Pray b● couera . Oni. Nay I beseech you sir. Fin. What do you meane . Pac. Pardon moy , shall be so , Oni. O God sir. Fin. Not I in good faith sir. Pac. By gar you must . Oni : It shall be yours . Fin. Nay then you wrong me , Oni. Well and euer I come to be great ▪ Pac. You be big enough for de Onion already , Oni. I meane a great man. Fin. Then thou 'dst be a monster . Oni. Well God knowes not what fortune may doe , commaund me , vse me from the soule to the crowne , and the crowne to the soule : meaning not onely from the crowne of the head , and the sole of the foot , but also the foote of the mind and the crownes of the purse , I cannot stay now yong gentlemen but — time was , time is , and time shall be . Exeunt . Enter Chamount , Camillo . Cha. Sweet Iasper I am sorry we must part , But strong necessity enforceth it . Let not the time seeme long vnto my friend , Till my returne for by our loue I sweare ( The sacred spheare wherein our soules are knit ) I will endeauour to effect this busines With all industrious care and happy speed , Cam. My Lord these circumstances would come well , To one lesse capable of your desert Then I : in whom your mirrit is confirmed With such authenticall and grounded proues . Cha. Well I will vse no more . Gasper adiew . Cam. Farewell my honored Lord. Cha. Commend me to the Lady , my good Gasper : Cam. I had remembred that had not you vrgd it . Cha. Once more adiew sweet Gasper . Cam. My good Lord. Exit Camillo . Cha. Thy vertues are more precious then thy name , Kind gentleman I would not sell thy loue , For all earthly obiects that mine eyes , Haue euer tasted , sure thou art nobly borne , How euer fortune hath obscurd thy birth : For natiue honour sparkles in thine eyes , How may I blesse the time wherein Ch●mont My honored father did surprise vicenza , Where this my friend ( knowen by no name ) was found , Being then a child and scarce of power to speake , To whom my father gaue this name of Gasper , And as his owne respected him to death , Since when wee two haue shard our mutuall fortunes , With equall spirits , and but deathes rude hand , No violence shall dissolue this sacred band . Exit . Enter Iuniper in his shop singing : to him Onion . Oni. Fellow Iuniper , no more of thy songs and sonets , sweet Iuniper , no more of thy hymnes and madrigals , thou sing'st , but I sigh . Iuni. What 's the matter Peter ha ? what in an Academy still , still in sable , and costly black array ? ha ? Oni. Prithee rise mount , mount sweet Iuniper , for I goe downe the wind , and yet I puffe : for I am vext . Iuni. Ha Bully ? vext ? what intoxicate ? is thy braine in a quintescence ? an Idea ? a metamorphosis ? an Apology ? ha rogue ? come this loue feeds vpon thee , I see by thy cheekes , and drinkes healthes of vermilion , teares I see by thine eyes . Oni. I confesse Cupids carouse , he plaies super negulum with my liquor of life Iuni. Tut , thou art a goose to be Cupids gull , go to , no more of this contemplations , & calculations , mourne not , for Rachels thine owne Oni. For that let the higher powers worke : but sweet Iuniper , I am not sad for her , and yet for her in a second person , or if not so , yet in a third . Iuni. How second person ? away , away , in the crotchets already Longitude and Latitude ? what second ? what person ? ha ? Oni. Iuniper , I le bewray my selfe before thee , for thy company is sweet vnto me , but I must entreat thy helping hand in the case . Iuni. Tut ? no more of this surquedry ; I am thine owne ? ad vngem vpsie freeze : pell mell , come , what case ? what case ? Oni. For the case it may be any mans case , aswell as mine , Rachel I meane , but I le medle with her anon , in the meane time , Valentine is the man hath wrongd me . Iuni. How ? my Ingle wrong thee , i st possible ? Oni. Your Ingle , hang him infidell , well and if I be not reuengd one him let Peter Onion ( by the infernall Gods ) be turned to a leeke or a scalion , I spake to him for a ditty for this handkerchier . Iuni. Why , has he not done it ? Oni. Done it , not a verse by this hand . Iuni. O in diebus illis , O preposterous , wel come be blith , the best inditer of thē al is somtimes dul , fellow Onion , pardon mine Ingle : he is a man , has impefections and declinations , as other men haue , his masse somtimes cannot caruet nor prognisticat and come of , as it should , no matter , I le hammer our a paraphrase for thee my selfe . Oni. No sweet Iuniper , no danger doth breed delay , loue makes me chollericke , I can b●●re no longer . Iuni. Not beare ? what my mad Meridian slaue ? not beare ? what ? Oni. Cupids burden : t is to heauy ▪ to tollerable , and as for the handkerchire and the posie : I will not trouble thee : but if thou wilt goe with me into her fathers bookside , old Iaques backside , and speake for me to Rachel , I wil not being ratitude , the old man is abroad and all . Iuni. Art thou sure on 't . Oni. As sure as an obligation . Iuni. Le ts away then , come we spend time in a vaine circumference , trade I cashire thee til to morrow , fellow Onion for thy sake I finish this workiday . Oni. God a mercy ▪ and for thy sake I le at any time make a holiday . Exunt . Enter Angelio , Rachel . Ang. Nay I prithee Rachel , I come to comfort thee ▪ Be not so sad . Rach. O signior Angelo , No comfort but his presence can remoue , This sadnesse from my heart . Ang. Nay then y' are fond , And want that strength of iudgement and election , That should be attendent on your yeares and forme , Will you , because your Lord is taken prisoner , Blubber and weepe and keepe a peeuish stirre , As though you would turne turtle with the newes , Come , come , be wise . Sblood say your Lord should die : And you goe marre your face as you begin , What would you doe trow ? who would care for you ; But this it is , when nature will bestow Her gifts on such as know not how to vse them , You shall haue some that had they but one quarter Of your faire beauty ? they would make it shew A little otherwise then you do this , Or they would see the painter twice an hower , And I commend them I , that can vse art , With such iudiciall practise . Rach. You talke iedly , If this be your best comfort keepe it still , My sences cannot feede on such sower cates . Ang. And why sweet heart . Rach. Nay leaue good signior . Ang. Come I haue sweeter vyands yet in store . Enter Onion and Iuniper . Iuni. I in any case mistres Rachel . Ang. Rachel ? Rach. Gods pitty signior Angelo , I here my father , away for Gods sake . Ang : S'bloud , I am betwixt , I thinke , this is twice now , I haue been serued thus . Exit Rach. Pray God he meet him not . Exit Rechel . Oni. O braue ? she 's yonder , O terrible shee 's gone . Iuni. Yea ? so nimble in your Dilemma's , and your Hiperbole's Hay my loue ? O my loue , at the first sight : By the masse . Oni. O how she skudded , O sweet scud , how she tripped , O delicate trip and goe . Iuni. Come thou art enamored with the influence of her profundity , but sirrah harke a little . Oni. O rare , what ? what ? passing Ifaith , what i st ? what i st ? Iuni. What wilt thou say now , if Rachel stand now , and play hity tity through the keyhole , to behold the equipage of thy person : Oni : O sweet equipage , try good Iuniper , tickle her , talke , talke , O? rare Iuni. Mistris Rachel ( watch then if her father come ) Rachel ? Madona ? Rachel ? No. Oni. Say I am here , Onion or Peter or so . Iuni. No , I le knock , wee le not stand vpon Horizons , and tricks , but fall roundly to the matter . Oni. Well said sweet Iuniper : Horizons ? hang hem ? knock , knock . Rach. Whose there ? father . Iuni. Father no ? and yet a father , if you please to be a mother . Oni. Well said Iuniper , to her againe , a smack or two more of the mother Iuni. Do you here ? sweet soule , sweet radamant ? sweet mathauell one word Melpomine ? are you at leasure . Rach. At leasure ? what to do ▪ Iuni. To doe what , to doe nothing , but to be liable to the extasie of true loues exigent , or so , you smell my meaning . Oni. Smell , filthy , fellow Iuniper filthy ? smell ? O most odious . Iuni. How filthy . Oni. Filthy , by this finger ? smell ? smell a rat , smel a pudding , away these tricks are for truls , a plaine wench loues plaine dealing , I le vpon my selfe , smel to march paine wench . Iuni. With all my heart , I le be legitimate and silent as anapple-squire , I le see nothing , and say nothing . Oni. Sweet hart , sweet hart ? Iuni. And bag pudding , ha , ha , ha ? Iaq. What Rachel my girle what Rachel ; Within Oni. Gods lid ▪ Iaq. What Rachel , Within Rach. Here I am Within Oni What rakehell cals Rachel : O treason to my loue . Iuni. It s her father on my life , how shall wee entrench and edifie our selues from him ? Oni. O conni-catching Cupid . Enter Iaques . Iaq. How in my back side ? where ? what come they for ? Onion gets vp into a tree . Where are they ? Rachel ? theeues , theeues ? Stay villaine slaue : Rachel ? vntye my dog . Nay theife thou canst not scape . I●ni . I pray you sir. Oni A pitifull Onion , that thou hadst a rope . Iaq. Why Rachel : when I say : let loose my dog ? garlique my mastiue , let him loose I say . Iuni. For Gods sake here me speake , keepe vp your cur . Oni. I feare not garlique , hee le not bite Onion his kinsman , pray God he come out , and then thei le not smell me . Iaq. well then deliuer , come deliuer slaue ? Iuni. What should I deliuer ? Iaq. O thou wouldst haue me tell thee ? wouldst thou shew me thy hands , what hast thou in thy hands ? Iuni. Here be my hands . Iaq. Stay are not thy fingers ends begrimd with durt , no thou hast wipt them . Iuni. Wipt them ? Iaq. I thou villaine ? thou art a subtile knaue , put off thy shewes , come I will see them , giue me a knife here Rachel , I le rip the soles . Oni. No matter he 's a cobler , he can mend them . Iuni. What are you mad ? are you detestable , would you make an Anatomy of me , thinke you I am not true Ortographie ? Iaq. Ortographie , Anatomy ? Iuni. For Gods sake be not so inuiolable ▪ I am no ambuscado , what predicament call you this , why do you intimate so much . Iaq. I can feele nothing . Oni. Bi r Lady but Onion feeles something . Iaq. Soft sir , you are not yet gon , shake your legs , come , and your armes , be briefe , stay let me see these drums , these kilderkins , these bombard slops , what is it crams hem so . Iuni. Nothing but haire . Iaq. That 's true , I had almost forgot this rug , this hedg hogs nest , this haymowe , this beares skin , this heath , this firsbush . Iuni. O let me goe , you teare my haire , you reluolue my braines and vnderstanding . Iaq. Heart , thou art somewhat eas'd ? halfe of my feare Hath tane his leaue of my , the other halfe Still keepes possession in dispight of hope , Vntill these amorous eyes , court my faire gold : Deare I come to thee : friend , why art not gone ? Auoid my soules vexation , Sathan hence ? Why doest thou stare on me , why doest thou stay ? Why por ▪ st thou on the ground with theeuish eyes ? What see'st thou there , thou curre ? what gap'st thou at ? Hence from my house , Rachel , send garlick forth . Iunip. I am gone sir , I am gone , for Gods sake stay . Exit Iuniper . Iaq. Pack● , and thanke God thou scap'st so well away . Oni. If I scape this tree , destinies , I defie you . Iaq. I cannot see by any Characters Writ on this earth , that any fellon foote Hath tane acquaintance of this hallowed ground . None sees me : knees do ho●age to your Lord. T is safe , t is safe , it lyes and sleepes so soundly , T would do one good to looke on 't . If this blisse Be giuen to any man th●t hath much gold , Iustly to say t is safe , I say t is safe . O what a heauenly round these two words dance Within me and without me : First I thinke hem , And then I speake hem , then I watch their sound , And drinke it greedily with both r●ine eares , Then thinke , then speake , then drinke their sound againe , And racket round about this bodies court . These two sweet words : t is safe : stay I will feed My other sences ; ô how sweet it smels Oni. I mar'le he smels n●t Onion , being so neere it . Iaq. Downe to thy graue againe , thou beauteous Ghost , Ange●s men say , are spirits : Spirits be Inuisible , bright angels are you so ? Be you inuisible to euery eye . Saue onely these : Sleepe , I le not breake your rest , Though you breake mine : Deare Saints adiew , adiew : My feete part from you , but my soul● dwels with you . Exit . Oni. Is he gone ? ô Fortune my friend , & not fortune my foe , I come downe to embrace thee , and kisse thy great toe . Enter Iuniper . Iunip. Fellow Onion ? Peter . Oni. Fellow Iuniper . What 's the old panurgo gone ? departed , cosmografied , ha ? Oni. O I , and harke Sirrah . Shall I tell him ? no. Iunip. Nay , be briefe and declare , stand not vpon conodrums now , thou knowest what contagious speeches I haue sufferd for thy sake and he should come againe and inuent me here . Oni. He saies true , it was for my sake , I will tell him . Sirra Iuniper ? and yet I will not . Iunip. What sayest thou sweete Onion ? Oni. And thou hadst smelt the sent of me when I was in the tree , thou wouldest not haue said so : but Sirra , The case is alterd with me , my heart has giuen loue a box of the eare , made him kicke vp the heeles I faith . Iunip. Sayest thou me so , mad Greeke ? how haps it ? how chances it . Oni. I cannot hold it , Iuniper , haue an eye , looke , haue an eye to the doore , the old prouerb 's true , I see : gold is but mucke . Nay Gods so Iuniper to the doore , an eye to the maine chance , here you slaue , haue an eye . Iunip. O inexorable ! ô infallible ! ô infricate deuine , and superficiall fortune . Oni. Nay , it will be sufficient anon , here , looke heere . Iunip. O insolent good lucke ! How didst thou produce th' intelligence of the gold mynerals . Oni. I le tell you that anon , heere , make shift , conuey , cramme . I le teach you how you shall call for garlike againe I faith . Iunip. S'bloud what shall we do with all this ? we shall nere bring it to a consumption . Oni. Consumption ? why wee le bee most sumptuously attir'd , man. Iunip. By this gold , I will haue three or foure most stigmaticall suites presently . Oni. I le go in my foot-cloth , I le turne Gentleman : Iunip. So will I. Oni. But what badge shall we giue , what cullison ? Iunip. As for that lets vse the infidelity and commiseration of some harrot of armes , he shall giue vs a gudgeon . Oni. A gudgeon ? a scutheon thou wouldst say , man. Iunip. A scuicheon or a gudgeon , all is one . Oni. Well , our armes be good inough , le ts looke to our legges . Iunip. Content , wee le be iogging . Oni. Rachel ? we retire : garlike God boy ye . Iunip. Farewell sweete Iaques . Oni. Farewell sweete Rachel , sweet dogge adiew . Exeunt . Enter Maximilian , Count Ferneze , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Pache. Max. Nay but sweet Count. Count. Away , I le heare no more , Neuer was man so palpably abusd , My sonne so basely marted ; and my selfe Am made the subiect of your mirth and scorne . Max. Count Ferneze you tread to hard vpon my patience , Do not persist I aduise your Lordship . Count. I will persist , and vnto thee I speake . Thou Maximilian thou hast iniur'd me . Max. Before the Lord : Aur. Sweet signior . Phoe. O my father . Max. Lady let your father thank your beauty . Pac. By gar●e shall be hang for tell● di● sam● , Metella madamoyselle , she tell her fadera . Count. The true Ch●mou●t se● free , and one left here Of no descent , clad barely in his name . Sirrah boy come hither , and be sure , you speake the simple truth : Pac. O pardon●●●oy mounsieur . Count Come leaue your pardons , and directly say . What villaine is the same that hath vsurpt , The honor'd name and person of Cha●ount : Pac. O Mounsieur , no point villaine ▪ braue Che●●lier , Mounsieur Gasper . Count. Mo●usieur Gasper , on what occasion did they change their names , what was their policy , or their pre●e●● . Pac. Me canno tell , par ma foy Mounsieur . Max. My honorable Lord. Count. Tut tut , be silent . Max. Silent ? Count Fern●ze , I tell thee if A●●●ath the great Turke were here I would speake , and he should here me : Count. So will not I. Max. By my fathers hand , but thou shalt Count , I say till this instant , I was neuer toucht in my reputation : here me you shall knowe that you haue wrongd me , and I wil make you acknowledge it , if I cannot my sword shall . Count. By heauen I will not , I will stop mine eares , My sences loath the Sauiour of thy breath . T is poyson to me , I say I will not heare . What shall I know , t is you haue iniurd me , What will you make ? make me acknowledge it . Fetch forth that Gasper , that lewd counterfeit . Enter seruing with Camillo . I le make him to your face approue your wrongs . Come on false substance , shadow to Chamont : Had you none else to worke vpon but me , Was I your fittest proiect ? well confesse , What you intended by this secret plot . And by whose policy it was contriu'd , Speake truth , and be intreated courteously , But double with me , and resolue to proue The extremest rigor that I can inflict . Cam. My honor'd Lord , heare me with patience , Nor hope of fauour , nor the feare of torment , Shall sway my tongue , from vttring of a truth . Count. T is well , proceed then . Cam. The morne before this battell did begin . Wherein my Lord Chamount and I were tane , We vow'd one mutuall fortune , good or bad , That day should be imbraced of vs both , And vrging that might worst succeede our vow , We there concluded to exchange our names . Count. Then Maximilian tooke you for Chamount . Cam. True noble Lord. Count. T is false , ignoble wretch , T was but a complot to betray my sonne . Max. Count , thou lyest in thy bosome , Count : Count : Lye ? Cam. Nay I beseech you honor'd gentlemen , Let not the vntimely ruine of your loue , Follow these sleight occurents ; be assured Chamounts returne will heale these wounds againe , And breake the points of your too piercing thoughts . Count. Returne ? I when ? when will Chamount returne ? Hee le come to fetch you , will he ? I t is like , Youl 'd haue me thinke so , that 's your policy . No , no , yong gallant , your deuice is stale ▪ You cannot feed me with so vaine a hope . Cam. My Lord , I feede you not with a vaine hope , I know assuredly he will returne , And bring your noble sonne along with him . Max. I , I dare pawne my soule he will returne . Count. O impudent dirision ? open scorne ? Intollerable wrong ? is 't not inough ? That you haue plaid vpon me all this while ; But still to mocke me , still to iest at me ? Fellowes , away with him , thou ill-bred slaue , That sets no difference twixt a noble spirit , And thy owne slauish humour , do not thinke But I le take worthy vengeance on thee , wretch ? Cam. Alas , these threats are idle , like the wind , And breed no terror in a guiltlesse mind . Count. Nay , thou shalt want no torture , so resolue , bring him away . Cam. Welcome the worst , I suffer for a friend , Your tortures will , my loue shall neuer end . Exeunt . Manent Maximillian , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Pacue . Phoen. Alas poore gentleman , my fathers rage Is too extreame , too sterne and violent ! O that I knew with all my strongest powers , How to remoue it from thy patient breast , But that I cannot , yet my willing heart , Shall minister in spight of tyranny To thy misfortune , something there is in him , That doth enforce this strange affection , With more then common rapture in my breast : For being but Gasper , he is still as deare To me , as when he did Chamount appeare . Exit Phoenixella . Aure. But in good sadnesse Signior , do you thinke Chamount will returne ? Max. Do I see your face , Lady ? Aure. I sure , If loue haue not blinded you . Max. That is a question , but I will assure you no , I can see , and yet loue is in mine eye : well , the Count your father simply hath dishonor'd me : and this steele shall engraue it on his burgonet . Aure. Nay , sweet Signior . Max. Lady , I do preferre my reputation to my life , But you shall rule me , come le ts march . Exit Maximillian . Aure. I le follow Signior , ô sweet Queene of loue ! Soueraigne of all my thoughts , and thou faire fortune , Who ( more to honour my affections ) Hast thus translated Gasper to Chamount . Let both your flames now burne in one bright speare ▪ And giue true light to my aspiring hopes , Hasten Chamounts returne , let him affect me , Though father , friends , and all the world reiect me . Exit . Enter Angelo , Christopher . Ange. Sigh for a woman , would I fould mine armes , Raue in my sleepe , talke idly being awake , Pine and looke pale , make loue-walkes in the night , To steale cold comfort from a day-starres eyes . Kit , thou art a foole , wilt thou be wise ? then lad Renounce this boy-gods nice idolatry , Stand not on complement , and wooing trickes , Thou louest old Iaques daughter , doest thou ? Chris. Loue her ? Ange. Come , come , I know 't , be rul'd and shee s thine owne , Thou't say her father Iaques , the old begger , Hath pawnd his word to thee , that none bu● thou , Shalt be his sonne in law . Chris. He has . Ange. He has ? wilt thou beleeue him , and be made a kooke , To waite on such an antique wethercocke ; Why he is more inconstant then the sea , His thoughts , Cameleon-like , change euery minute : No Kit , worke soundly , steale the wench away , Wed her , and bed her , and when that is done , Then say to Iaques , shall I be your sonne ? But come to our deuise , where is this gold ? Chris. Heere Signior Angelo . Ange. Bestow it , bid thy hands shed golden drops , Let these bald french crownes be vncouered , In open sight , to do obey sance To Iaques staring eyes when he steps forth , The needy beggar will be glad of gold . So , now keepe thou aloose , and as he treades This guilded path , stretch out his ambling hopes , With scattring more & more , & as thou go'st , cry Iaques , Iaques Chris. Tush , let me alone . Ang. First I le play the ghost , I le cal him out , Kit keep aloo●e . Chris. But Signior Angelo . Where wil your selfe and Rachel stay for me , after the iest is ended ? Ange. Masse , that 's true , at the old Priory behinde S. Foyes. Chris. Agreed , no better place , I le meete you there . Ange. Do good foole , do , but I le not meet you there . Now to this geere , Iaques , Iaques , what Iaques ? within Iaq. Who cals ? whose there ? Ange. Iaques . within Iaq. Who cals ? Ange. Steward , he comes , he comes Iaques . Enter Iaques . Iaq. What voice is this ? no body here , was I not cald ? I was . And one cride Iaques with a hollow voyce , I was deceiu'd , no I was not deceiu'd , See see , it was an Angell cald me forth , Gold , gold , man-making gold , another starre , Drop they from heauen , no , no , my house I hope Is haunted with a Fairy . My deere Lar , My houshold God , My Fairy on my knees . Christ. Iaques . Exit Christopher● . Iaq. My Lar doth call me , ô sweet voyce . Musicall as the spheares , see , see , more gold . within Chris. Iaques . Enter Rachel . Iaq. What Rachel , Rachel , lock my doore , looke to my house . within Chris. Iaques . Iaq. Shut fast my doore , a golden crowne , Iaques shall be a king . Exit . Ange. To a fooles paradice that path will bring Thee and thy houshold ●ar . Rach. What means my father , I wonder what strange humor . Ange. Come sweete soule , leaue wondring , start not , t was I laid this plot to get thy father forth . Rach. O Angelo . Ange. O me no oo's , but heare , my Lord your loue , Paulo Ferneze is returnd from warre , Lingers at Pont Valeria , and from thence By post at midnight last , I was coniur'd To man you thither , stand not on replies , A horse is sadled for you , will you go , And I am for you , if you will stay , why so . Rach. O Angelo , each minute is a day till my Ferneze come , come wee le away sir. Ange. Sweet soule I guesse thy meaning by thy lookes , At pont Valerio thou thy loue shalt see , But not Ferneze , Steward fare you well . You wait for Rachel to , when can you tell ? Exeunt , Enter Iaq. Iaq. O in what golden circle haue I dan'st ? Millaine these od'rous and enfloured fields Are none of thine , no here 's Elizium , Heere blessed ghosts do walke , this is the Court And glorious palace where the God of gold Shines like the sonne , of sparkling maiesty ; O faire fethered , my red-brested birds , Come flye with me , I le bring you to a quie● , Whose consort being sweetned with your sound : The musique will be fuller , and each hower Enter Christ. These eares shall banquet with your harmony ô , ô , ô , Chris. At the old priorie , behind Saint Foyes , That was the place of our appointment sure : I hope he will not make me loose my gold , And mock me to , perhaps they are within : I le knock . Iaq. O God , the case is alterd . Christ. Rachel ? Angelo ? Signior Angelo ? Iaq. Angels ? I where ? mine Angels ? wher 's my gold ? Why Rachel ? O thou theeuish Canibal , Thou eatest my flesh in stealing of my gold . Chris. What gold ? Iaq. What gold ? Rachel call help , come forth , I le rip thine entrailes , but I le haue my gold : Rachel why comes thou not ? I am vndone , Ay me she speakes not , thou hast slaine my child . Exit Chris. What is the man possest trow ? this is strange , Rachel I see is gone with Angelo : Well I le once againe vnto the priory , And see if I can meete them . Exit Christopher , Iaq. T is too true , Enter Iaques ▪ Th' ast made away my child , how hast my golds O what Hienna cald me out of dores , The theife is gone : my gold 's gone , Rachels gone , Al 's gone ? saue I that spend my cries in vaine , But I le hence too , and di● or end th●s paine . Exit . Enter Iuniper , Onion , F●nto , Valentine . Iuni. Swonds , let me goe , hay catso , catch him aliue , I call , I call , boy . I come , I come sweet heart . Oni. Page hold my rapier , while I hold my freind here . Valen. O heer 's a sweet metamorphosis , a cupple of buzzards turn'd to a paire of peacocks . Iuni. Signior Onion , lend me thy boy to vnhang my rapier : On. Signior Iuniper for once or so , but troth is , you must inueigle , as I haue done , my Lords page here a poor folower of mine . Iuni. Hel ho , ●our page then sha'not be super intendent vpon me ? he shall not be addicted ? he shall not be incident ? ●e shall not be incident ? he shall not be incident , shall he ? Fin. O sweet signior Iuniper . He foynes Iuni. Sbloud stand away princocks ? do not aggrauate my ioy . Valen. Nay good Maister . Onion . Oni. Nay and he haue the heart to draw my bloud , let him come . Iuni. I le slice you Onion , I le slice you ? Oni. I le cleaue you Iuniper . Valen. Why hold , hold , ●ough ? what do you meane ? Iuni. Let him come Ingle , stand by boy , his allebaster blad cannot feare me . Fin. Why heare you sweet signior , let not there be any contētion , betweene my Maister & you , about me , if you want a page sir , I can helpe you to a proper stripling . Iuni. Canst thou ? what parentage ? what ancestry ? what genealogy is he ? Fin. A french boy sir. Iuni. Has he his French linguist ? has he ? Fin. I , sir. Iuni. Then transport him : her 's a crusado for thee . Oni. You will not , imbecell my seruant with your beneuolence will you , hold boy their 's a portmantu for thee . Fin. Lord sir. On. Do take it boy , it s three pounds ten shill. a portmantu . Fin. I thanke your Lordship . Exit Finio . Iuni. Sirrah Ningle : thou art a traueller , and I honour thee . I prithee discourse ? cherish thy muse ? discourse ? Valen. Of what sir ? Iuni. Of what thou wilt . Sbloud ? hang sorrow ? Oni. Prithy Valentine a●loile me one thing . Valen. T is pitty to soile you sir , your new apparell . On. Masse thou saist true , aparel makes a man forget himself . Iun. Begin , find your tongue Ningle . Val. Now will gull these ganders rarely : Gentlemen hauing in my peregrinatiō through Mesopotamia . Iun. Speake legibly , this gam 's gone , without the great mercy of God , Here 's a fine tragedy indeed . Ther 's a Keisars royall . By Gods lid , nor King nor Keisar shall ? Enter Finio , Pacue , Balt. Martino . Balt. Where ? where ? Finio , where be they : Iun. Go to , I le be with you anon . Oni. O her 's the page signior Iuniper . Iun. What sayth monsier Onion , boy . Fin : What say you sir. Iuni. Tread out boy . Fin. Take vp , you meane sir. Iun. Tread out I say , so , I thanke you , is this the boy . Pac. Aue mounsieur . Iuni. Who gaue you that name ? Pac. Giue me do name , vat name : Oni. He thought your name had been , we yong gentlemen , you must do more then his legges can do for him , beare with him sir. Iuni. Sirrah giue me instance of your carriage ? you le serue my turne , will you ? Pac. What ? turne vpon the toe . Fin. O signior no. Iuni. Page will you follow me , I le giue you good exhibition . Pac. By gar , shal not alone follow you , but shal leade you to . Oni. Plaguie boy , he sooths his humour ? these french villaines ha pockie wits . Iuni. Here ? disarme me ? take my semitary . Valen. O rare , this would be a rare man , and he had a little trauell , Balthasar , Martino , put off your shooes , and bid him coble them . Iuni. Freinds , friends , but pardon me for fellows , no more in occupation , no more in corporation , t is so pardon me , the case is alterd , this is law , but I le stand to nothing . Pac. Fat so me ●inke . Iuni. Well then God saue the dukes Maiesty , is this any harme now ? speake , is this any harme now . Oni. No nor good neither , Sbloud ? Iuni. Do you laugh at me ? do you laugh at me ? do you laugh at me ? Valen. I sir , we do . Iunip. You do indeed ? Valen. I indeed sir. Iuni. T is sufficient , Page carry my purse , dog me ? Exit . Oni. Gentlemen leaue him not , you see in what case he is , he is not in aduersity , his purse is full of money , leaue him not ? Enter Angelo with Rachel . Exeunt A●g . Nay gentle Rachel ? Rach. Away ? forbeare ? vngentle Angelo , Touch not my body , with those impious hands , That like hot Iron● seare my trembling heart , And make it hisse , at your disloyalty . Enter Chamount Was this your drift ? to vse Fernezes name ? Paulo Fernez● . Was he your fittest stale , ô wild dishonor ! Pau. Stay noble 〈◊〉 ▪ Ange. Sbloud how like a puppet do you talke now ▪ Dishonor ? what dishonor ? come , come , foole , Nay then I see y' are peeuish , S'heart dishonor ? To haue you a topriest and marry you , And put you in an honorable state . Rach. To marry me ô heauen , can it be ? That men should liue with such vnfeeling soules , Without or touch or conscience of religion , Or that their warping appetites should spoile Those honor'd formes , that the true seale of friendship Had set vpon their faces . Ange. Do you heare ? what needs all this ? say , will you ●●ue me , or no ? Rach. I l'e haue you gone , and leaue me , if you would . Ange. Leaue you ? I was accurst to bring you hither , And make so faire an offer to a foole . A pox vpon you , why should you be coy , What good thing haue you in you to be proud of ? Are y'any other then a beggars daughter ? Because you haue beauty . O Gods light a blast . Pau. I Angelo . Ange. You scornefull baggage , I lou'd thee not so much , but now I hate thee . Rach. Vpon my knees , you heauenly powers , I thanke you ▪ That thus haue tam'd his wild affections . Ange. This will not do , I must to her againe , Rachel , ô tha●●hou sawst my heart , or didst behold , The place from whence that scalding sigh euented . Rachel , by Iesu I loue thee as my soule , Rachel , sweet Rachel . Rach. What againe returnd vnto this violent passion ▪ Ange. Do but heare me , by heauen I loue you Rachel . Rach. Pray forbeare , ô that my Lord Fer●●●● were but here . Ange. Sbloud and he were , what would he do . Pau. This would he do base villaine . Rach. My deere Lord , Pau. Thou monster , euen the soule of trechery ! O what disho●●rd title of reproch , May my tongue spit in thy deserued fa●e ▪ Me thin●es my very presence should inuert , The st●●●●d organs of those traytrous eyes , To take into thy heart , and pierce it through : Turn'st thou them on the ground ? wretch , dig a graue , With their sharp points , to hide th' abhorred head ; Sweet loue , thy wrongs haue beene too violent Since my departure from thee , I perceiue : But now true comfort shall againe appeare , And like an armed angell guard thee safe From all th' assaults of couered villany . Come Mounsieur , let 's go , & leaue this wretch to his despaire . Ange. My noble Fer●eze . 〈◊〉 . What canst thou speake to me , and not thy tongue , Forc't with the torment of thy guilty soule Breake that infected circle of thy mouth , Like the rude clapper of a crazed bell . I , that in thy bosome lodg'd my soule , With all her traine of secrets , thinking them To be as safe , and richly entertained , As in a Princes court , or tower of strength , And thou to proue a traitor to my trust , And basely to expose it , ô this world ! Ange. My honorable Lord. Pau. The very owle , whō other birds do state & wonder at , Shall hoot at thee , and snakes in euery bush Shall deafe thine eares with their — Cha. Nay good my Lord , giue end vnto your passions . Ange. You shall see , I will redeeme your lost opinion . Rach. My Lord beleeue him . Cha. Come , be satisfied , sweet Lord you know our haste , Let vs to horse , the time for my engaged returne is past ; Be friends againe , take him along with you . Pau. Come signior Angelo , hereafter proue more true . Exeunt . Enter Count Ferneze , Maximillian , Francesco . Count. T●● Maximillian , for your honor'd selfe , I am perswaded , but no words shall turne The edge of purposd vengeance on that wretch , Come , bring him forth to execution . Enter Camillo bound , with seruants I le hang him for my sonne , he shall not scape , Had he an hundred liues : Tell me vile slaue , Thinkest thou I loue my sonne ? is he my flesh ? Is he my bloud , my life ? and shall all these be torturd for thy sake , and not reueng'd ? trusse vp the villaine . Max. My Lord , there is no law to confirme this action . T is dishonorable . Count. Dishonorable ? Maximillian ? It is dishonorable in Chamount , the day of his prefixt returne is past , and he shall pay for t . Cam. My Lord , my Lord , Vse your extreamest vengeance , I le be glad To suffer ten times more , for such a friend . Count. O resolute and peremptory wretch ! Fran. My honored Lord , let vs intreat a word . Count. I le heare no more , I say he shall not liue , My selfe will do it . Stay , what forme is this Stands betwixt him and me , and holds my hand . What miracle is this ? t is my owne fancy , Carues this impression in me , my soft nature , That euer hath retaind such foolish pitty , Of the most abiect creatures misery , That it abhorres it , what a child am I To haue a child ? Ay me , my son , my son . Enter Christopher● . Chris. O my deere loue , what is become of thee ? What vniust absence layest thou on my brest , Like waights of lead , when swords are at my backe , That run me through with thy vnkind flight , My gentle disposition waxeth wild , I shall run frantike , ô my loue , my loue . Enter Iaques . Iaq. My gold , my gold , my life , my soule , my heauen , What is become of thee ? see , I le impart My miserable losse to my good Lord , Let me haue search my Lord , my gold is gone . Count. My sonne , Christophero , thinkst it possible , I euer shall behold his face againe . Chris. O father wher 's my loue , were you so carelesse To let an vnthrist steale away your child . Iaq. I know your Lordship may find out my gold , For Gods sake pitty me , iustice , sweet Lord. Count Now they haue yong Ch●●●unt ? Christophero ? Surely they neuer will restore my sonne . Chris. Who would haue thought you could haue beene so carelesse to loose your onely daughter . Iaq. Who would thinke , That looking to my gold with such hares eyes , That euer open , I euen when thy sleepe , I thus should loose my gold , my noble Lord , what saies your Lordship ? Count. O my sonne , my sonne . Chris. My deerest Rachel ? Iaq. My most hony gold . Count. Heare me Christophero . Chris. Nay heare me Iaques . Iaq. Heare me most honor'd Lord. Max. What rule is here ? Count. O God that we should let Chamount escape . Enter Aurelia , Phoenixella . Chris. I and that Rachel , such a vertuous mayd , should be thus stolne away . Iaq. And that my gold , being so hid in earth , should bee found out . Max. O confusion of languages , & yet no tower of Babel ! Fran. Ladies , beshrew me , if you come not fit to make a iangling consort , will you laugh to see three constant passions . Max. Stand by , I will vrge them , sweet Count , will you be comforted . Count. It cannot be but he is handled the most cruelly , That euer any noble prisoner was . Max. Steward , go cheere my 〈◊〉 ▪ Chris. Well , if Rachel tooke her flight willingly ? Max. Sirrah , speake you touching your daughters flight ? Iaq. O that I could so soone forget to know the thiefe againe , that had my gold , my gold . Max. Is not this pure ? Count. O thou base wretch , I le drag thee through the streets ▪ Enter Balthasar , and whispers with him . And as a monster , make thee wondred at , how now . Phoen. Sweet Gentleman ? how too vnworthily Art thou thus 〈◊〉 , braue Maximillian , Pitty the poore youth and appease my father , Count. How , my sonne returnd ? O Maximillian , Francisco , daughters ? bid him enter here . Enter Chamount , Fern●ze , Rachel , Angelo . Dost thou not mocke me ? O my deere Paulo welcome . Max. My Lord Ch 〈◊〉 ? Cha. My Gasper . Chris. Rachel . Iaq. My gold Rachel ? my gold ? Count Some body bid the begger cease his noise . Chris. O signior Angelo , would you deceiue Your honest friend , th●●●●●ply trusted you ? Well Rachel : I am glad tho' art here againe . Ang. I faith she is not for you steward . Iaq. I beseech you m●ddam vrge your father . Phoe. I will anon ? good Iaques be content . A●r. Now God a mercy fortune , and sweet Venus , Let Cupid do his part , and all is well . Phoe. Me thinks my heart 's in heauen with this comfort . Cha. Is this the true Italian courtesie . Ferneze were you torturd thus in France ? by my soules safety . Count ▪ My most noble Lord ? I do beseech your Lordship . Cha. Honored Count , wrong not your age with flexure of a knee , I do impute it to those cares and griefes , That did torment you in your absent sonne : Count O worthy gentlemen , I am ashamd That my extreame affection to my sonne , Should giue my honour so vncur'd a maine , But my first sonne , being in Vicenza lost . Cha. How in Vicenza ? lost you a sonne there ? About what time my Lord ? Count. O the same night , wherein your noble father tooke the towne . Cha. How long 's that since my Lord ? can you remember . Count. T is now well nie vpon the twentith yeare . Cha. And how old was he then ? Count. I cannot tel , betweene the 〈◊〉 of three and foure , I take it . Cha. Had he no speciall no●e in his attire , Or otherwise , that you can call to mind . Count I cannot well remember his attire , But I haue often heard his mother say : He had about his necke a tablet , Giuen to him by the Emperour Sigismund . His Godfather , with this inscription , Vnder the figure of a siluer Globe : Eu mi●imo , mundus . Cha. How did you call your sonne my Lord ? Count Camillo Lord Chamount . Cha. Then no more my Gasper ? but Camillo , Take notice of your father , gentlemen : Stand not amazd ? here is a tablet , With that inscription found about his necke That night , and in Vicenza by my father , ( Who being ignorant , what name he had ) Christned him Gasper , nor did I reueale , This secret till this hower to any man. Count. O happy reuelation ? ô blest hower ? ô my Camillo . Phoe. O strange my brother . Fran. Maximilian ? behold how the aboundance of his ioy Drownds him in teares of gladnesse . Count. O my boy ? forgiue thy fathers late austerity : Max. My Lord ? I deliuered as much before , but your honour would not be perswaded , I will hereafter giue more obseruance to my visions ? I drempt of this . Iaq. I can be still no longer , my good Lord , Do a poore man some grace mongst all your ioyes . Count. Why what 's the matter Iaques . Iaq. I am robd , I am vndone my Lord , robd and vndone : A heape of thirty thousand golden crownes , Stolne from me in one minute , and I feare : By her confedracy , that cals me father , But she 's none of mine , therefore sweet Lord : Let her be tortured to confesse the ●ru●h . Max. More wonders yet . Count. How I 〈…〉 not Rachel then thy daughter . Iaq. No , I dis 〈…〉 in her , I spit at her , She is a harlot , and her customers , Your sonne this gallant , and your steward ●ere , Haue all been partners with her in my spoile ? no lesse then thirty thousand . Count. Iaques , Iaques , this is impossiole , how shouldst thou come ? to the possession of so huge a heape : Being alwaies a knowen begger . Iaq. Out alas , I haue betraid my selfe with my owne tongue , The case is alterd . Count. One stay him there . Max. What meanes he to depart , Count Ferneze , vpon my soule this begger , this begger is a counterlait : vrge him ? didst thou loose gold ? Iaq. O no I lost no gold . Max. Said I not true . Count. How'didst thou first loose thirty thousand crowns , And now no gold ? was Rachel first thy child : And is shee now no daughter , sirra Iaques , You know how farre onr Millaine lawes extend , for punishment of liars , Iaq : I my Lord ? what shall I doe ? I haue no starting hols ? Mounsieur Chamount stand you my honored Lord. Cha. For what old man ? Iaq. Ill gotten goods neuer thriue , I plaid the thiefe , and now am robd my selfe : I am not as I seeme , Iaques de prie , Nor was I borne a begger as I am : But sometime steward to your noble father . Cha. What Melun that robd my fathers treasure , stole my ●ister ? Iaq. I , I , that treasure is lost , but Isabell your beautious sister here seruiues in Rachel : and therefore on my kne● ? Max Stay Iaques stay ? the case still alters ? Count. Fai●e Rachel sister to the Lord Chamount . Ang. Steward your cake is dow , as well as mine . Pau. I see that honours flames cannot be hid , No more then lightening in the blackest cloud . Max. Then sirra t is true ? you haue lost this gold , Iaq. I worthy signior , thirty thousand crownes . Count. Masse who was it told me , that a couple of my men , were become gallants of late . Fran. Marry 〈◊〉 I my Lord ? my man told me ? Enter Onion and Iuniper . Max. How now what pagent is this , Iuni. Come signior Onion , le ts not be ashamd to appeare , Keepe state ? looke not ambiguous now ? Oni ▪ Not I while I am in this sute . I●●i . Lordings , equiualence to you all . Oni We thought good , to be so good , as see you gentlemen Max. What ? mounsieur Onion ? Oni. How dost thou good captaine . Count. What are my hinds turnd gentlemen . Oni. Hinds sir ? Sbloud and that word will beare action , it shall cost vs a thousand pound a peece , but wee le be reuenged . Iuni. Wilt thou sell thy Lordship Count ? Count. What ? peasants purchase Lordships ? Iuni. Is that any Nouels sir. Max. O transmutation of elements , it is certified you had pages : Iuni. I sir , but it is knowen they proued ridiculus , they did pilfer , they did purloine , they did procrastinate our purses , for the which wasting of our stocke , we haue put thē to the stocks . Count. And thither shall you two presently , These be the villaines , that stole Iaques gold , Away with them , and set them with their men . Max. Onion you will now bee peeld . Fran : The case is alterd now Oni. Good my Lord , good my Lord : Iuni. Away scoundrell ? dost thou feare a little elocution ? Shall we be confiscate now ? shal we droope now ? Shall we be now in helogabolus : Oni. Peace , peace , leaue thy gabling ? Count. Away , away with them ; what 's this they prate , Exeunt with Iuniper and Onion . Keepe the knaues sure , strickt inquisition Shall presently be made for Iaques gold , To be disposd at pleasure of Chamount . Cha. She is 〈…〉 Lord Paul● , if your father Giue his consent . Ang. How now Christofero ? The case is alterd . Chris. With you , as well as me , I am content sir. Count. With all my heart ? and in exchange of her , ( If with your faire acceptance it may stand ) I tender my Aurelia to your loue . Cha. I take her from your Lordship , with all thanks , And blesse the hower wherein I was made prisoner : For the fruition of this present fortune , So full of happy and vnlookt for ioyes . Melun , I pardon thee , and for the treasure , Recouer it , and hold it as thine owne : It is enough for me to see my sister : Liue in the circle of Fer●●zes armes , My friend , the sonne of such a noble father , And my vnworthy selfe rapt aboue all , By being the Lord to so diuine a dame . Max. Well , I will now sweare the case is alterd . Lady fare you well , I will subdue my aff●ctions , Maddam ( as for you ) you are a profest virgin , and I will be silent , my honorable Lord Fern●ze ▪ it shall become you at this time not be frugall , but bounteous , and open handed , your fortune hath been so to you Lord Ch●●ount . You are now no stranger , you must be welcome , you haue a faire amiable and splendius Lady : but signior Paulo , signior Camillo , I know you valiant ? be louing : Lady I must be better knowne to you , signiors for you , I passe you not : though I let you passe ; for in truth I passe not of you , louers to your nuptials , Lordings to your dances . March faire al , for a faire March , is worth a kings ransome . — Exeunt The end . A04640 ---- Catiline his conspiracy· VVritten by Ben: Ionson Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1611 Approx. 233 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 56 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Catiline, ca. 108-62 B.C. -- Drama. 2002-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-10 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-11 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2002-11 Judith Siefring Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion CATILINE his CONSPIRACY . VVritten by BEN : IONSON . — His non Plebecula gaudet . Verum Equitis quoque , iam migrauit ab aure voluptas , Omnis , ad incertos ●culos , & gaudia vana . LONDON , Printed for Walter Burre . 1611. TO THE GREAT EXAMPLE OF HONOR , AND VERTVE , THE MOST NOBLE WILLIAM EARLE OF PENBROOKE , &c. MY LORD , IN so thicke , and darke an ignorance , as now almost couers the Age , I craue leaue to stand neare your light : and , by that , to be read . Posterity may pay your benefit the honor , and thanks ; when it shall know , that you dare , in these Iig-giuen times , to countenance a legitimate Poëme . I must call it so , against all noise of opinion : from whose crude , and ay●y reports , I appeale , to that great and singular faculty of Iudgment in your Lordship , able to vindicate truth from error . It is the first ( of this race ) that euer I dedicated to any Person , and had I not thought it the best , it should haue beene taught a lesse ambition . Now , it appr●cheth your censure chearefully , and with the same assurance , that Innocency would appeare before a Magistrate . Your Lo. most faithfull Honorer . Ben. Ionson . TO THE READER IN ORDINARIE . THE Muses forbid , that I sho●ld restrayne you● medling , whom I see alread●e busie with the Title , 〈◊〉 ouer the leaues : It is your owne . I departed with my right , when I let it first abroad . And , now , so secure an Interpreter I am of my chance , that neither praise , nor dispraise from you can affect mee . Though you commend the two first Actes , with the people , because they are the worst ; and dislike the Oration of Cicero , in regard you read some pieces of it , at School● , and vnderstand them not yet ; I shall finde the way to forgiue you . Be any thing you will be , at your owne charge . Would I had deseru'd but halfe so well of it in translation , as that ought to deserue of you in iudgment , if you haue any . I know you will pretend ( whosoeuer you are ) to haue that , and more . But all pretences are not iust claymes . The commendation of good things may fall within a many , their approbation but in a few ▪ for the most commend out of affection , selfe tickling , an easinesse , or imitation : but men iudge only out of knowledge . That is the trying faculty . And , to those workes that will beare a Iudge , nothing is more dangerous then a foolish prayse . You will say I shall not haue yours , therfore ; but rather the contrary , all vexation of Censure . If I were not aboue such molestations now , I had great cause to thinke vnworthily of my studies , or they had so of mee . But I leaue you to your exercise . Beginne . To the Reader extraordinary . YOu I would vnderstand to be the better Man , though P●aces in Court go otherwise : to you I submit my selfe , and worke . Farewell . BEN : IONSON . To my ●riend Mr. Ben : Ionson , vpon his Catiline . IF thou had'st itch'd after the wild applause Of common people , and had'st made thy Lawes . In writing , such , as catch'd at present voyce , I should commend the thing , but not thy choyse . But thou hast squar'd thy rules , by what is good ; And art , three Ages yet , from vnderstood : And ( I dare say ) in it , there lies much Wit Lost , till thy Readers can grow vp to it . VVhich they can nere outgrow , to find it ill , But must fall backe againe , or like it still . Franc : Beaumont . To his worthy friend Mr. Ben. Ionson . HE , that dares wrong this Play , it should appeare Dares vtter more , then other men dare heare , That haue their wits about 'hem : yet such men , Deare friend , must see your Booke , and reade ; and then , Out of their learned ignorance , c●ie ill , And lay you by , calling for mad Pasquill , Or Greene's deare Groatsworth , or Tom Coryate , The new Lexicon , with the errant Pate ; And picke away , from all these seuera●l ends , And durtie ones , to make their as-wise friends Beleeeue they are transslaters . Of this , pitty , There is a great plague hanging o're the Citty : Vnlesse she purge her iudgement presently . But , O thou happy man , that must not die As these things shall : leauing no more behind But a thin memory ( like a passing wind ) That blowes , and is forgotten , ere they are cold . Thy labours shall out liue thee ; and , like gold Stampt for continuance , shall be currant , where There is a Sunne , a People , or a Yeare . Iohn Fletcher . To his worthy beloued friend Mr. BEN. IONSON . HAD the great thoughts of Catiline bene good , The memory of his name , streame of his bloud , His plots past into acts , ( which would haue turn'd His Infamy to Fame , though Rome had burn'd ) Had not begot him equall grace with men , As this , that he is writ by such a Pen : VVhose inspirations , if great Rome had had , Her good things had bene better'd , and her bad Vndone ; the first for ioy , the last for feare , That such a Muse should spread them , to our Yeare . But woe to vs then : for thy laureat brow If Rome enioy'd had , we had wanted now . But , in this Age , where Iigs and Dances moue , How few there are , that this pure worke approue ! Yet , better then I rayle at , thou canst scorne Censures , that die , ere they be throughly borne . Each Subiect thou , still thee each Subiect rayses . And whosoeuer thy Booke , himselfe disprayses : Nat. Field . The names of the Actors . SYLLA'S GHOST . CATILINE . LENTVLVS . CETHEGVS . CVRIVS . AVTRONIVS . VARGVNTEIVS . LONGINVS . LECCA . FVLVIVS . BESTIA . GABINIVS . STATILIVS . CEPARIVS . CORNELIVS . VOLTVRTIVS . AVRELIA . FVLVIA . SEMPRONIA : GALLA . CLCERO . ANTONIVS . CATO . CATVLVS . CRASSVS . CA●SAR . QV. CICERO . SYLLANVS . FLACCVS . POMTINIVS . SANGA . SENATORS . ALLOBROGES . PETREIVS . SOLDIERS . PORTER . LICTORS . SERVANTS . PAGES . CHORVS . CATILINE . ACT. j. SYLLA'S Ghost . DO'st thou not feele me , Rome ? Not yet ? Is night So heauy on thee , and my weight so light ? Can Sylla's Ghost arise within thy walles , Lesse threatning , then an earth-quake , the quicke falles Of thee , and thine ? shake not the frighted heads Of thy steepe towers ? or shrinke to their first beds ? Or , as their ruine the large Tyber fils , Make that swell vp , and drowne thy seuen proud hils ? What sleepe is this doth seize thee , so like death , And is not it ? Wake , feele her , in my breath . Behold , I come , sent from the Stygian Sound , As a dire Vapor , that had cleft the ground , T' ingender with the night , and blast the day ; Or like a Pestilence , that should display Infection through the world : which , thus , I doe . Pluto be at thy councels ; and into Thy darker bosome enter Sylla's spirit : All , that was mine , and bad , thy brest inherit . Alas , how weake is that , for Catiline ! Did I but say ( vaine voice ) all that was mine ? All , that the Gracchi , Cinna , Marius would ; What now , had I a body againe , I could , Comming from hell ; what Fiendes would wish should be ; And Hannibal could not haue wish'd to see : Thinke thou , and practise . Let the long-hid seedes Of treason , in thee , now shoote forth in deedes , Ranker then horror ; and thy former facts Not fall in mention , but to vrge new acts : Conscience of them prouoke thee on to more . Be still thy Inc●sts , Murders , Rapes before Thy sense ; thy forcing first a Vestall Nunne ; Thy parricide , late , on thine owne naturall Sonne , After his Mo●her , to make empty way For thy last wicked Nuptials ; worse , then they , That fame that act of thy incestuous life , Which got thee , at once , a Daughter , and a Wife . I leaue the slaughters , that thou didst for me , Of Senators ; for which , I hid for thee Thy murder of thy Brother , ( being so brib'd ) And writ him in the list of my proscrib'd After thy fact , to saue thy little shame : Thy incest , with thy Sister , I not name . These are too light . Fate will haue thee pursue Deedes , after which no Mischiefe can be new ; The ruine of thy Countrey : Thou wert built For such a worke , and borne for no lesse guilt : What though defeated once th' hast beene , and knowne , Tempt it againe ; That is thy act , or none . What all the seuerall Ills , that visite earth , ( Brought forth by night , with a sinister birth ) Plagues , Famine , Fire could not reach vnto , The Sword , nor Surfets ; let thy fury doe : Make all past , present , future ill thine owne ; And conquer all example , in thy one . Nor let thy thought finde any vacant time To hate an old , but still a fresher crime Drowne the remembrance ; Let not mischiefe cease , But , while it is in punishing , encrease . Conscience , and care die in thee ; And be free Not Heau'n it selfe from thy impiety : Let Night grow blacker with thy plots ; and Day , At shewing but thy head forth , start away From this halfe - Spheare : and leaue Romes blinded walls T' embrace lusts , hatreds , slaughters , funerals , And not recouer sight , till their owne flames Doe light them to their ruines . All the names Of thy Confederates , too , be no lesse great In hell , then here ; That , when we would repeate Our strengths in Muster , we may name you all , And Furies , vpon you , for Furies , call . Whilst , what you doe , doth strike them into feares , Or make them grieue , and wish your mischiefe theirs . CATILINE . IT is decree'd . Nor shall thy Fate , ô Rome , Resist my vow . Though Hils were set on Hils , And Seas met Seas , to guarde thee ; I would through : I , plough vp rockes , steepe as the Alpes , in dust ; And laue the Tyrrhene waters , into cloudes ; But I would reach thy head , thy head , proud Citty : The ills , that I haue done , cannot be safe But by attempting greater ; and I feele A spirit , within me , chides my sluggish handes . And sayes , they haue beene innocent too long . Was I a Man , bred great , as Rome her selfe ? One , form'd for all her honors , all her glories ? Equall to all her titles ? That could stand Close vp , with Atlas ; and sustaine her name As strong , as he doth Heau'n ? And , was I , Of all her brood , mark'd out for the repulse By her no voice , when I stood Candidate , To be Commander in the Ponticke warre ? I will , hereafter , call her Stepdame , euer . If shee can loose her nature , I can loose My piety ; and in her stony entrailes Digge me a seate : where , I will liue , againe , The labour of her wombe , and be a burden Weightier then all the Prodigies , and Monsters , That shee hath teem'd with , since shee first knew Mars . CATILINE , AVRELIA . WHo 's there ? AVR. T is I. CAT. Aurelia ? AVR. Yes . AVR. Appeare , And breake , like day , my beauty , to this circle : Vpbraid thy Phoebus , that he is so long In mounting to that point , which should giue thee Thy pr●per splendour . Wherefore frownes my sweet ? Haue I too long bene absent from these lips , This cheeke , these eyes ? what is my trepas●e ? speake . AVR. It seemes , you know , that can accuse your selfe . CAT. I will redeeme it . AVR. Still , you say so . When ? CAT. When Orestilla by her bearing well These my retirements , and stolne times for thought Shall giue their effects leaue to call her Queene Or all the world , in place of humbled Rome . AVR. You court me , now . CAT. As I would alwaies , Loue , By 〈◊〉 Ambrosiacke kis●e , and this of Nectar , Wouldst thou but heare as gladly , as I speake . Could my Aurelia thinke , I meant her lesse ; When , wooing her , I first remou'd a Wife , And then a Sonne , to make my bed , and house Spatious , and sir t' embrace her ? These were deeds Not t' haue begunne with , but to end with more , And great●r : " He that , building , stayes at one " Floore , or the second , hath erected none . 'T was how to raise thee , I was meditating ; To make some act of mine answere thy loue : That loue , that , when my state was now quite sunke , Came with thy wealth , and weighd it vp againe , And made my ' emergent Fortune once more looke Aboue the maine ; which , now , shall hit the starres , And sticke my Orestilla , there , amongst 'hem , If any tempest can but make the billow , And any billow can but lift her greatnesse . But , I must pray my loue , she will put on Like habites with my selfe . I haue to doe With many men , and many natures . Some , That must be blowne , and sooth'd ; as Lentulus , Whom I haue heau'd , with magnifying his bloud , And a vaine dreame , out of the Sybill's bookes , That a third man , of that great family Whereof he is descended , the Cornelij , Should be a King in Rome : which I haue hir'd The flatt'ring Augures to interpret him , Cinna , and Sylla dead . Then , bold Cethegus , Whose valour I haue turn'd into his poyson , And prais'd so into daring , as he would Goe on vpon the Gods , kis●e lightning , wrest The engine from the Cyclop's , and giue fire At face of a full cloud , and stand his ire , When I would bid him moue . Others there are Whom enuie to the state drawes , and pu●s on , For contumelies receiu'd , ( and such are sure ones ) As Curius , and the fore-nam'd Lentulus , Both which haue beene degraded , in the Senate , And must haue their disgraces , still , new rub'd , To make 'hem smart , and labour of reuenge . Others , whom meere ambition fires , and dole Of Prouinces abroade , which they haue faind To their crude hopes , and I as amply promis'd : The●e , Lecca ▪ Vargunteius , Bestia , Autronius , Some , whom their wants oppresse , as th' idle Captaines Of Sylla's troopes ; and diuers Roman Knights ( The profuse wasters of their patrimonies ) So threatned with debts , as they will , now , Runne any desperate fortune , for a change . These , for a time , we must r●lieue , Aurelia , And make our house their saue-gard . Like , for those , That feare the law , or stand within her gripe , For any act past , or to come . Such will From their owne crimes , be factious , as from ours . Some more there be flight Ayrelings , will be wonne , With dogs , and horses ; or , perhaps , a whore ; Which must be had : And , if they venter liues , For vs ▪ Aurelia , we must hazard honors A little . Get thee store , and change of women , As I haue boyes ; and giue 'hem time , and place , And all conniuence : Be thy selfe , too , courtly ; And entertaine , and feast , sit vp , and reuell ; Call all the great , the fayre , and spirited Dames Of Rome about thee , and beginne a fashion Of freedome , & community . Some will thanke thee , Though the sowre Senate frowne , whose heads must ake In feare , and feeling too . We must not spare Or cost , or modestie . It can but shew Like one of Iuno's , or of Ioue's disguises In eyther thee , or mee ; and will as soone , When things succeed , be throwne by , or let fall ; As is a vaile put of , a visor chang'd , Or the Scene shifted , in our Theaters . Who 's that ? It is the voyce of Lentulus . AVR. Or of Cethegus . CAT. In , my faire Aurelia , And thinke vpon these artes : They must not see , How farre you are trusted with these priuacies ; Though , by their shoulders , necks , & heads you rise . LENTVLVS . CETHEGVS . CATILINE . IT is , mee thinkes , a Morning , full of Fate . It riseth slowly , as her sollen carre Had all the weights of sleepe , and death hung at it . She is not rosy-fingerd , but swolne blacke . Her face is like a water , turnd to bloud , And her sicke head is bound about with clouds , As if she threatned night , ere noone of day . It does not looke , as it would haue a Hayle Or Health , wish'd in it , as on other Mornes . CET. Why , all the fitter , Lentulus : Our comming Is not for salutation , we haue businesse . CAT. Said nobly , braue Cethegus . Where 's Autronius ? CET. Is he not come ? CAT. Not here . CET. Nor Vargunteius ? CAT. Neither . CET. A fire in their beds , and bosomes , That so will serue their sloth , rather then vertue . They are no Romanes , and at such high neede As now . LEN. Both they , Longinus , Lecca , Curius , Fuluius , Gabinius , gaue me word , last night , By Lucius Bestia , they would all be here , And early . CET. Yes . As you , had I not call'd you . Come , we all sleepe , and are meere Dormice ; Flies , A little lesse then dead : More dulnesse hangs On vs , then on the Morne . W' are spirit-bound , In ribs of ice ; our whole blouds are one stone ; And Honour cannot thaw vs ; nor our wants , Though they burne , hot as feuers , to our states . CAT. I muse they would be tardy , at an houre Of so great purpose . CET. If the Gods had call'd Them , to a purpose , they would iust haue come With the same Tortoyse speed , that are thus slo● To such an action , which the Gods will enuie . As asking no lesse meanes , then all their powers Conioyn'd , t' effect . I would haue seene Rome burn't , By this time ; and her ashes in an Vrne : The Kingdome of the Senate , rent asunder ; And the degenerate , talking Gowne , runne frighted , Out of the ayre of Italy . CAT. Spirit of men ! Thou , heart of our great enterprise ! how much I lou● these voyces in thee ! CET. O the daies Of Sylla's sway , when the free sword tooke leaue To act all that it would ! CAT. And was familiar With entrailes , as our Augures ! CET. Sonnes kild Fathers , Brothers their Brothers . CAT. And had price and praise . All hate had licence giuen it ; all rage raynes . CET. Slaughter bestrid the streets , and stretch'd himselfe To seeme more huge ; whilst to his stayned thighes The gore he drew flow'd vp : and carried downe Whole heapes of limmes , and bodies , through his arch . No Age was spar'd , no Sexe . CAT. Nay , no Degree . CET. Not Infants , in the po●ch of life were free . The Sicke , the Old , that could but hope a day Longer , by natures bounty , not let stay . Virgins , and Widdowes , Matrons , prognant Wiues , All dyed . CAT. 'T was crime enough , that they had liues . To strike but only those , that could doe hurt , Was dull , and poore . Some fel● to make the number As some the prey . CET. The rugged Charon fainted , A●d ask'd a nau●e , rather then a boate , To ferry ouer the sad world that came : The mawes , a●d dennes of beasts could not receiue The bodies , that those soules were frighted from ; A●d e'en t●e graues were fild with men yet liuing , Whose flight , and feare had mix'd them , with the dead . CAT. And this shall be againe , and more , and more , Now Lentulus , the third Cornelius , Is to stand vp in Rome . LEN. Nay , vrge not that Is so vncertaine . CAT. How ! LEN. I meane , not clear'd . And , therefore , not to be reflected on . CAT. The Sybill's leaues vncertaine ? or the Comments Of our graue , deepe , diuining men no● cleare ? LEN. All Prophecies , you know , suffer the torture . CAT. But this , already , hath confess'd without . And so beene weigh'd , examin'd , and compar'd , As 't were malicious ignorance in him , Wou●d ●aint in the beliefe . LEN. Doe you beleeue it ? CAT. Doe I loue Lentulus ? or pray to see it ? LEN. The Augures all are constant , I am meant . CAT. They had lost their science else . LEN. They count from Cinna . CAT. And Sylla nex● , and so make you the third ; All that can say the Sunne is ris'n , must thinke it . LEN. Men marke me more , of late , as I come forth . CAT. Why , what can they doe lesse ? Cinna , and Sylla Are set , and gone : And we must turne our eyes On him that is , and shines . Noble Cethegus , But view him with me , here : He lookes , already , As if he shooke a Scepter , o're the Senate , And the aw'd purple dropt their roddes , and axes . The Statues melt againe ; and houshold Gods In grones confesse the trauaile of the City ; The very walles sweate blood before the change ; And stones start out to ruine , ere it comes . CET. But he , and we , and all are idle still . LEN. I am your creature , Sergius : And what ere The great Cornelian Name shall winne to be , It is not Augury , nor the Sybils Bookes , But Catiline that makes it . CAT. I am shadow To honor'd Lentulus , and Cethegus here , Who are the heires of Mars . CET. By Mars himselfe , Catiline is more my parent : For whose vertue Earth cannot make a shadow great inough , Though Enuie should come too . O , there they' are . Now we shall talke more , though we yet doe nothing . AVTRONIVS , VARGVNTEIVS , LONGINVS , CVRIVS , LECCA , BESTIA , FVLVIVS , GABINIVS , &c. HAile Lucius Catiline . VAR. Haile noble Sergius . LON. Haile Publius Lentulus . CVR. Haile the third Cornelius . LEC. Caius Cethegus haile . CET. Haile sloth , and words , In steed of Men , and Spirits . CAT. Nay , deare Caius ; CET , Are your eyes yet vn●eel'd ? Dare they looke day In the dull face ? CAT. Hee 's zealous , for the'affaire ; And blames your tardy comming , Gentlemen . CET. Vnlesse , we had sold our selues to sleepe , and ease , And would be our slaues slaues . CAT. Pray you forbeare . CET. The North is not so starke , and cold . CAT. Cethegus . BES. We shall redeeme all , if your fire will let vs. CAT. You are too full of lightning , noble Caius . Boy , see all doores be shut , that none approch vs , On this part of the house . Go you , and bid The Priest , he kill the slaue I mark'd last night ; And bring me of his bloud , when I shall call him : Till then , waite all without . VAR. How is 't , Autronius ! AVT. Longinus ? LON. Curius ? CVR. Lecca ? VAR. Feele you nothing ? LON. A strange , vnwonted horror doth inuade me , I know not what it is ! LEC. The day goes backe , Or else my senses ! CVR. As at Atreus feast ! FVL. Darknesse growes more & more ! LEN. The Vest all flame , I think , be out . GAB. What groane was that ? CET. Our phant'sies . Strike fire , out of our selues , and force a day . AVT. Againe it sounds ! BES. As all the Citie gaue it ! CET. We feare what our selues faine . VAR. What light is this ? CVR. Look forth . Len. It still grows greater . LEC. From whēce comes it ? LON. A Bloody arme it is , that holds a pine Lighted , aboue the Capitoll : And , now , It waues vnto vs. CAT. Braue , and omenous ! Our enterprise is seal'd . CET. In spight of darknesse , That would discountenance it . Looke no more ; We loose time , and our selues : To what we came for , Speake Lucius , we attend you . CAT. Noblest Romanes , If you were lesse , or , that your faith , and vertue Did not hold good that title , with your bloud , I should not , now , vnprofitably spend My selfe in words , or catch at emptie hopes , By ayrie waies , for solide certainties . But since in many , and the greatest dangers , I still haue knowne you no lesse true , then valiant , And that I tast , in you , the same affections , To will , or nill , to thinke things good , or bad , Alike with me : ( which argues your firme friendship ) I dare the boldlier , with you , set on foote , Or leade , vnto this great , and goodliest action . What I haue thought of it afore , you all Haue heard apart ; I then express'd my zeale Vnto the glory ; Now , the neede enflames me● : When I fore-thinke the hard conditions , Our states must vndergoe , except , in time , We do redeeme our selues to liberty , And breake the yron yoake , forg'd for our necks . For , what lesse can we call it ? when we see The common-wealth engross'd so by a few , The Giants of the state , that do , by turnes , Enioy her , and defile her . All the Earth , Her Kings , and Tetrarchs , are their tributaries ; People , and Nations pay them hourely stipends : The riches of the world flowes to their coffers , And not , to Romes . While ( but those few ) the rest , How euer great we are , honest , and valiant , Are hearded with the vulgar ; and so kept , As we were onely bred , to consume corne , Or weare out wooll , to drinke the Cities water : Vngrac'd , without authoritie , or marke , Trembling beneath their rods , to whom , ( if all Were well in Rome ) we should come forth bright axes . All Places , Honors , Offices are theirs ; Or where they will conferre 'hem : They leaue vs The dangers , the repulses , iudgements , wants ; Which how long will you beare most valiant spirits ? Were we not better to fall , once , with vertue , Then draw a wretched , and dishonor'd breath To loose with shame , when these mens pride will laugh ? I call the faith of Gods , and Men to question ; The power is in our hands ; our bodies able ; Our mindes as strong ; O' th' contrary , in them , All things growne aged , with their wealth , and yeares . There wants , but onely to beginne the businesse , The issue is certaine . CET. LON. On , Let vs go on . CVR. BES. Go on , braue Sergius . CAT. It doth strike my soule , ( And , who can scape the stroke , that hath a soule , Or , but the smallest ayre of Man within him ? ) To see them swell with treasure ; which they poure Out i' their riots , eating , drinking , building , I , i' the sea : planing of Hilles with Valleyes ; And raysing Vallies aboue Hilles , whilst wee Haue not , to giue our Bodies Necessaries . They ha' their change of Houses , Manors , Lordships ; We scarce a fire , or poore houshold Lar. They buy rare Atticke statues , Tyrian hangings , Ephesian pictures , and Corinthian plate , Attalicke garments , and , now new-found , Gemmes Since Pompey went for Asia ; which they purchase At price of Prouinces . The Riuer Phasis Cannot affourd 'hem Fowle ; nor Lucrine Lake Oysters enow : Circei , too , is search'd To please the witty Gluttonie of a meale . Their ancient Habitations they neglect , And set vp new ; Then , if the Echo like not In such a roome , they plucke downe those ; build newer , Alter them too ; and , by all franticke waies , Vexe their wild wealth , as they molest the people , From whom they force it ; Yet , they cannot tame , Or ouercome their riches : Not , by making , Bathes , Orchards , Fish-pooles , letting in of seas , Here ; and , then there , forcing 'hem out againe , With mountaynous heapes ; for which the Earth hath lost Most of her ribbes , as entrayles , being now Wounded no lesse for Marble , then for gold . We , all this while , like calme , benum'd Spectators , Sit , till our seates do cracke ; and doe not heare The thundring ruines , whilst , at home , our wants , Abroad , our debts do vrge vs , our states daily Bending to bad , our hopes to worse : And , what Is left , but to be crush'd ? Wake , wake braue Friends , And meete the liberty you oft haue wish'd for . Behold , renowne , riches , and glory court you . Fortune holds out these to you , as rewards . Me thinkes ( though I were dumbe ) th' affaire it selfe The opportunity , your needes , and dangers , With the braue spoile the warre brings , should inuite you . Vse me your Generall , or Souldier : Neither , My Minde , nor Body shall be wanting to you . And , being Consul , I not doubt t' effect , All that you wish : If Trust not flatter me , And you had , rather , still be slaues , then free . CET. Free , free . LON. T is freedome . CVR. Freedome we all stand for . CAT. Why , these are noble voices . Nothing wants then , But that we take a solemne Sacrament , To strengthen our designe . CET. And so to act it . Differring hurts , where powers are most prepar'd . AVT. Yet , ere we enter into open act , ( With fauour ) 't were no losse , if 't might be enquir'd What the Condition of these Armes would be ? VAR. I , and the meanes , to carry vs through . CAT. How , Friendes ! Thinke you , that I would bid you , graspe the winde ? Or call you to th' embracing of a cloude ? Put your knowne valures on so deare a businesse , And haue no other second then the Danger , Nor other Gyrlond then the losse ? Become Your owne assurances . And , for the meanes , Consider , first , the starke security The common wealth is in , now ; the whole Senate Sleepy , and dreaming no such violent blow ; Their forces all abroade ; of which the greatest , That might annoy vs most , is fardest off , In Asia , vnder Pompey : Those , neare hand , Commanded , by our friendes ; one Army ' in Spaine , By Cneus Piso ; th' other in Mauritania , By Nucerin●s ; both which I haue firme , And fast vnto our Plot. My selfe , then , standing Now to be Consul ; with my hop'd Colleague Caius Antonius , one , no lesse engag'd By his wants then we : And whom I'haue power to melt , And cast in any mould . Beside , some others That will not yet be nam'd , ( both sure , and Great ones ) Who , when the time comes , shall declare themselues , Strong , for our party ; so , that no resistance In nature can be thought . For our reward , then ; First , all our Debts are paid ; Dangers of Law , Actions , Decrees , Iudgments against vs quitted ; The rich Men , as in Sylla's times , proscrib'd , And Publication made of all their goods ; That House is yours ; That Land is his ; Those Waters , Orchards , and wa●kes a third's : He' has that Honor , And he that Office. Such a Prouince fals To Vargunleius : This to ' Autronius : That To bold Cethegus : Rome to Lentulus : You share the World , her Magistracies , Priest-hoods , Wealth , and Felicity amongst you , Friendes ; And Catiline your seruant . Would you , Curius , Reuenge the Contumelie stucke vpon you , In being remoued from the Senate ? Now , Now , is your time . VVould Publius Lentulus Strike , for the like disgrace ? Now , is his time . VVould stout Longinus walke the streets of Rome , Facing the Praetor ? Now , has he a time To spurne , and treade the Fasces , into dirt Made of the Vsurers , and the Lictors braines . Is there a Beauty , here in Rome , you loue ? An Enemie you would kill ? What Head 's not yours ? VVhose Wife , which Boy , whose Daughter , of what race , That th'Husband , or glad Parents shall not bring you , And boasting of the office ? Only , spare Your selues , and you haue all the earth beside , A field , to exercise your longings in . I see you rais'd , and reade your forward mindes High , i' your faces . Bring the wine , and blood You haue prepar'd there . LON. How ! CAT. I haue kill'd a slaue , And of his blood caus'd to be mixt with wine . Fill euery man his bowle . There cannot be A fitter drinke , to make this Sanction in . Here , I beginne the Sacrament to all . O , for a clap of thunder now , as loud , As to be heard through-out the Vniuerse , To tell the world the fact , and to applaude it . Be firme , my hand ; not shed a drop : but poure Fiercenes●e into me , with it ; and fell thirst Of more , and more : Till Rome be left as blood-lesse , As euer her feares made her , or the sword . And , when I leaue to wish this to thee , Stepdame Or stop , to effect it , with my powers fainting ; So may my blood be drawne , and so drunke vp As is this slaues . LON. And so be mine . LEN. And mine . AVT. And mine . VAR. And mine . CET. C●owne me my bowle yet fuller . Here , I doe drinke this , as I would doe Cato's , Or the new fellow Cicero's : with that vow Which Catiline hath giuen . CVR. So doe I. LEC. And I. BES. And I. FVL. And I. GAB. And all of vs. CAT. Why , now 's the businesse safe , & each man strengthned . Sirah , what aile you ? PAG. Nothing . BES. Somewhat modest . CAT. Slaue , I will strike your soule out , with my foote , Let me but finde you againe with such a face : You Whelpe . BES. Nay Lucius . CAT. Are you coying it , When I command you to be free , and generall To all ? BES. You 'll be obseru'd . CAT. Arise , and shew But any least auersion i' your looke To him that bourdes you next , and your throate opens . Noble Confederates , thus farre is perfect . Only your suffrages I will expect , At the assembly for the choosing Consuls , And all the voices you can make by friendes To my election . Then let me worke out Your fortunes , and mine owne . Meane while , all rest Seal'd vp , and silent , as when rigid frosts Haue bound vp Brookes , and Riuers , forc'd wild beasts Vnto their caues , and birds into the woods , Clownes to their houses , and the Countrey sleepes ; That , when the sodaine thaw comes , we may breake Vpon 'hem like a deluge , bearing downe Halfe Rome before vs , and inuade the rest VVith cries , and noise able to wake the Vrnes Of those are dead , and make their ashes f●are . " The horrors , that doe strike the world , should come " Loud , and vnlook'd for ; Till they strike , be dumbe . CET. Oraculous Sergius . LEN. God-like Catiline . CHORVS . CAn nothing great , and at the height Remaine so long ? but it 's owne weight VVill ruine it ? Or , is 't blinde Chance , That still desires new States t' aduance , And quit the old ? Else , why must Rome Be by it selfe ; now , ouercome ? Hath shee not foes inow of those , VVhom shee hath made such , and enclose Her round about ? Or , are they none , Except shee first become her owne ? O wretchednesse of greatest States , To be obnoxious to these Fates : That cannot keepe , what they doe gaine ; And what they raise so ill sustaine . Rome , now , is Mistresse of the whole VVorld , Sea , and Land , to either Pole ; And euen that Fortune will destroy The power that made it . Shee doth ioy So 〈…〉 plenty , wealth , and ease , As , now , th' excesse is her disease . Shee builds in gold ; And , to the Starres : As , if shee threatned Heau'n with warres ; And seekes for Hell , in quarries deepe , Giuing the fiends , that there doe keepe , A hope of day . Her Women weare The spoiles of Nations , in an eare , Chang'd for the treasure of a shell ; And , in their loose attires , doe swell More light then sailes , when all windes play : Yet , are the men more loose then they , More kemb'd , and bath'd , and rub'd , and trim'd , More sleek'd , more soft , and slacker limm'd ; As prostitute : so much , that kinde May seeke it selfe there , and not finde . They eate on beds of silke , and gold ; At yuorie tables ; or , wood sold Dearer then it : and , leauing plate , Doe drinke in stone of higher rate . They hunt all grounds ; and draw all seas ; Foule euery brooke , and bush ; to please Their wanton tasts : and , in request Haue new , and rare things ; not the best . Hence comes that wild , and vast expence , That hath enforc'd Romes vertue , thence , Which simple pouerty first made ; And , now , ambition doth inuade Her state , with eating auarice , Riot , and euery other vice . Decrees are bought , and Lawes are sold , Honours , and Offices for gold ; The peoples voices : And the free Tongues , in the Senate , bribed bee . Such ruine of her manners Rome Doth suffer now , as shee 's become ( Without the Gods it soone gaine-say ) Both her owne spoiler , and owne pray . So , Asia , ' art thou cru'lly euen . With vs , for all the blowes thee giuen ; When we , whose vertue conquer'd thee , Thus , by thy vices , ruin'd bee . ACT. ij . FVLVIA , GALLA , SERVANT . THose Romes doe smell extremely ; Bring my glasse , And table hither , Galla. GAL. Madame . FVL. Looke VVithin , i' my blew Cabinet , for the pearle I 'had sent me last , and bring it . GAL. That from Clodius ? FVL. From Caius Caesar. You' are for Clodius , still . Or Curius . Sirha , if Quintus Curius come , I am not in fit moode ; I keepe my Chamber : Giue warning so , without . GAL. Is this it ? Madame . FVL. Yes , helpe to hang it in mine eare . GAL. Beleeue me , It is a rich one , Madame . FVL. I hope so : It should not be worne there else . Make an end , And binde my haire vp . GAL. As 't was yesterday ? FVL. No , nor the t'other day . When knew you me Appeare , two dayes together , in one dressing ? GAL. Will you ha 't i' the globe , or spire ? FVL. How thou wilt ; Any way , so thou wilt doe it , good Impertinence . Thy company , if I slept not very well A nights , would make me , an errant foole , with questions . GAL. Alas Madam . FVL. Nay gentle halfe o' the Dialogue , cease . GAL. I doe it , indeede , but for your exercise , As your Phisitian bids me . FVL. How ! Do's he bid you To anger me for exercise ? GAL. Not to anger you , But stirre your blood a little : There 's difference Betweene luke-warme , and boyling , Madame . FVL. Ioue ! Shee meanes to cooke me , I thinke ? Pray you , ha' done . GAL. I meane to dresse you , Madame . FVL. O my Iuno , Be friend to me ! Offring at wit , too ? Why , Galla ! Where hast thou been ? GAL. Why , Madame ? FVL. What hast thou done VVith thy poore innocent selfe ? GAL. Wherfore , sweet Madam ? FVL. Thus to come forth , so sodainly , a wit-worme ? GAL. It pleases you to flout one . I did dreame Of Ladie Sempronia . FVL. O , the wonder is out . That did infect thee ? VVell , and how ? GAL. Me thought , Shee did discourse the best . FVL. That euer thou heard'st ? GAL. Yes . FVL. I' thy sleepe ? Of what was her discourse ? GAL. O' the Republicke , Madame , and the State , And how shee was in debt , and where shee meant To raise fresh summes : Shee 's a great States-woman . FVL. Thou dreamp'tst all this ? GAL. No , but you know she is Madame , And both a Mistresse of the Latine tongue , And of the Greeke . FVL. I , but I neuer dreampt it , Galla , As thou hast done , and therefore you must pardon me . GAL. Indeede , you mocke me , Madame . FVL. Indeede , no. Forth with your learned Ladie : Shee has a wit , too ? GAL. A very masculine one . FVL. A shee - Criticke , Galla ? And can compose , in verse , and make quicke iests , Modest , or otherwise ? GAL. Yes Madame . FVL. She can sing , too ? And play on Instruments ? GAL. Of all kindes , they say . FVL. And doth dance rarely ? GAL. Excellent . So well , As a bald Senator made a iest , and said , 'T was better , then an honest woman neede . GVL. Tut , shee may beare that . Few wise womens honesties VVill doe their courtship hurt . GAL. Shee 's liberall too , Madam . FVL. VVhat of her money , or her hono●r , pray thee ? GAL. Of both , you know not which shee doth spare least . FVL. A comely commendation . GAL. Troth , t is pitty Shee is in yeares . FVL. VVhy Galla ? GA● . For it is . FVL. O , is that all ? I thought thou ' hadst had a reason . GAL. VVhy so I haue . Shee has beene a fine Ladie , And , yet , shee dresses herselfe , ( except you Madame ) One o' the best in Rome : and paints , and hides Her decayes very well . FVL. They say , it is Rather a visor , then a face shee weares . GAL. They wrong her verily Madame , shee do's sleeke With crums of bread , and milke , and lies a nights In as neate gloues . But shee is faine of late To seeke , more then shee 's sought to ( the same is ) And so spends that way . FVL. Thou knowst all . But Galla , VVhat say you to Catilines Ladie , Orestilla ? There is the Gallant . GAL. Shee do's well . Shee has Very good sutes , and very rich : but , then , Shee cannot put 'hem on . Shee knowes not , how To weare a garment . You shall haue her all Iewels , and gold sometimes , so that her selfe Appeares the least part of her selfe . No' in troth , As I liue , Madame , you put 'hem all downe With your meere strength of iudgement ; and doe draw , too , The world of Rome to follow you : you attire Your selfe so diuersly , and with that spirit , Still to the noblest humors . They could make Loue to your dresse , although your face were away , they say . FVL. And body too , and ha' the better match on 't ? Say they not so too , Galla ? Now ! What newes Trauailes your count'nance with ? SER. If 't please you , Mada● The Ladie Sempronia is lighted at the gate ; GAL. Castor , my dreame , my dreame . SER. And comes to see yo● GAL. For Venus sake , good Madame see her . FVL. Peac● The foole is wild , I thinke . GAL. And heare her talke , Sweet Madame , of State-matters , and the Senate . SEMPRONIA , FVLVIA , GALLA . FVluia , good wench , how dost thou ? FVL. Well , Sempronia ▪ Whither are you thus early addrest ? SEM. To see Aurelia Orestilla . Shee sent for me . I came to call thee , with mee ; wilt thou goe ? FVL. I cannot now , in troth , I haue some letters To write , and send away . SEM. Alas , I pitty thee . I ha'bene writing all this night , ( and am So very weary ) vnto all the Tribes , And Centuries , for their voyces , to helpe Catiline , In his election . We shall make him Consul I hope , amongst vs. Crassus , I , and Caesar Will carry it for him . FVL. Do's he stand for 't ? SEM. H 'is the chiefe Candidate . FVL. Who stands beside ? Giue me some wine , and poulder for my teeth . SEM. Here 's a good pearle in troth . FVL. A prettie one . SEM. A very orient one . There are Competitors , Caius Antonius , Publius Galbe , Lucius Cassius Longinus , Quintus Cornificiu● , Caius Licinius , and that talker , Cicero . But Catiline , and Antonius will be chosen . For foure of the other , Lincinius , Longinus , Galba , and Cornificius will giue way . And Cicero they will not choose . FVL. No ? Why ▪ SEM. It will be cross'd , by the Nobility . GAL. How she do's vnderstand the common busines ! SEM. Nor , were it fit . He is but a new fellow , An In-mate here in Rome ( as Catiline calls him ) And , the Patricians should doe very ill , To let the Consul-ship be so defil'd As 't would be , if he obtain'd it ? A meere vpstarr , That has no pedigree , no house , no coate , No ensignes of a family ? FVL. He ' has vertue . SEM. Hang vertue , where there is no blood : 't is vice And , in him , fawcinesse . Why should he presume To be more learned , or more eloquent , Then the Nobility ? or boast any quality Worthie a Noble man , himselfe not noble ? FVL. 'T was vertue onely , at first , made all men noble . SEM. I yeeld you , it might , at first , in Romes poore age ; When both her Kings , and Consuls held the plough , Or garden'd well ▪ But , now , we ha' no need , To digge , or loose our sweat for 't . We haue wealth , Fortune and ease , and then their stocke , to spend on , Of Name , for Vertue , which will beare vs out 'Gainst all new commers : and can neuer faile vs , While the succession stayes . And , we must glorifie , A Mushrome ? one of yesterday ? a fine speaker ? 'Cause he has suck'd at Athens ? and aduance him , To our owne losse ? No Fuluia . There are they Can speake Greeke too , if need were . Caesar and I Haue sate vpon him ; so hath Grassus , too ; And others . We haue all decreed his rest , For rising farder . GAL. Excellent rare Lady ! FVL. Sempronia , you are beholden to my woman , here ▪ She do's admire you . SEM. O good Galla , how dost thou ? GAL. The better , for your learned Ladiship . SEM. Is this grey poulder , a good Dentifrice ? FVL. You see I vse it . SEM. I haue one is whiter . FVL. It may be so . SEM. Yet this smels well . GAL. And clenses Very well , Madam , and resists the crudities . SEM. Fuluia , I pray thee , who comes to thee , now ? Which of our great Patricians ? FVL. Faith , I keepe No Catalogue of ' hem . Sometimes I haue one , Sometimes another , as the toy takes their blouds . SEM. Thou hast them all . Faith , when was Quintus Curius , Thy speciall seruant , here ? FVL. My speciall seruant ? SEM. Yes , thy Idolater , I call him . FVL. He may be yours , If you do like him . SEM. How ! FVL. He comes , not , here , I haue forbid him , hence . SEM. Venus forbid ! FVL. Why ? SEM. Your so constant Louer . FVL. So much the rather . I would haue change . So would you too , I am sure . And now , you may haue him . SEM. Hee 's fresh yet , Fuluia : Beware , how you do tempt mee . FVL. Faith , for mee , He ' is somewhat too fresh , indeed . The salt is gone , That gaue him season . His good gifts are done . He do's not yeeld the crop that he was wont . And , for the act , I can haue secret fellowes , With backs worth ten of him , and shall pl●●se mee ( Now that the Land is fled ) a myriade better . SEM. And those one may command . FVL. T is true , These Lordings , Your noble Faunes , they are so imperious , saucy , Rude , and as boystrous as Centaures ; leaping A Ladie , at first sight . SEM. And must be borne Both with , and out , they thinke . FVL. Tut , I le obferue None of 'hem all : nor humor 'hem a iot Longer , then they come laden in the hand , And say , here 's tone , for th' tother . SEM. Do's Caesar giue well ? FVV. They ●hall all giue , and pay well , that come here If they will haue it ; and that iewels , pearle , Plate , or round summes , to buy these . I 'am not taken With a Cob-Swan , or a high-mounting Bull , As foolish Leda , and Europa were , But the bright gold , with Danae . For such price , I would endure , a rough , harsh Iupiter , Or ten such thundring Gamsters , and refraine To laugh at 'hem , till they are gone , with my much suffring . SEM. Th' art a most happy wench , that thus canst make Vse of they youth , and freshnesse , in the season : And hast it to make vse of . FVL. ( Which is the happinesse . ) SEM. I am , now , faine to giue to them , and keepe Musique , and a continuall Table , to inuite 'hem ; FVL. Yes , and they studie your kitchin , more then you : SEM. Eate my selfe out with vsury , and my Lord , too , And all my officers , and friends beside , To procure moneyes , for the needfull charge I must be at , to haue 'hem : And , yet , scarce Can I atchieue 'hem , so . FVL. Why , that 's because You affect yong faces onely , and smooth chinnes , Sempronia . If youl 'd loue beards , and bristles , ( One with another , as others doe ) or wrinkles — Who 's that ? Looke Galla. GAL. T is the partie , Madame . FVL. What party ? Has he no name ? GAL. T is Quintus Curius . FVL. Did I not bid 'hem , say , I kept may chamber ? GAL. Why , so they do . SEM. I le leaue you , Fuluia . FVL. Nay , good Sempronia , stay . SEM. In faith , I will not . FVL. By Iuno , I would not see him . SEM. I le not hinder you . GAL. You know , he will not be kept out , Madam . SEM. No , Nor shall not , carefull Galla , by my meanes . FVL. As I doe liue , Sempronia . SEM. What needs this ? FVL. Go , say , I am asleepe , and ill at ease . SEM. By Castor , no ; I 'le tell him , you are awake ; And very well . Stay Galla. Farewell Fuluia : I know my manners . Why doe you labour , thus , With action , against purpose ? Quintus Curius , She is , yfaith , here , and in disposition : FVL. Spight , with your courtesie . How shall I be tortur'd ! CVRIVS , FVLVIA , GALLA . WHere are you , fayre one , ●hat conceale your selfe ; And keepe your beauty , within lockes , and barres , here , Like a fooles treasure ? FVL. True , she was a foole , When , first she shew'd it to a theefe . CVR. How prety Solennesse ! So harsh , and short ? FVL. The fooles Artillery , sir. CVR. Then , make my gowne off , for the'encounter . FVL. Stay sir. I am not in the moode . CVR. I le put you into 't . FVL. Best , put your selfe , i' your case againe , and keepe Your furious appetite warme , against you haue place for 't . CVR. What! do you coy it ? FVL. No sir. I 'am not proud . CVR. I would you were . You thinke , this state becomes you ? By Hercules , it do's not . Looke i' your glasse , now , And see , how sciruely that countenance shewes ; You would be loth to owne it . FVL. I shall not change it . CVR. Faith , but you must ; and slacke this bended brow ; And shoote lesse scorne : There is a Fortune comming Towards you , Daintie , that will take thee , thus , And set thee aloft , to tread vpon the head Of her owne statue here in Rome . FVL. I wonder , Who let this Promiser in ! Did you , good Diligence ? Giue him his bribe , againe . Or if you had none , Pray you demand him , why he is so ventrous , To presse , thus , to my chamber , being for bidden Both , by my selfe , and seruants ? CVR. How ! This 's handsome ! And somewhat a new straine ! FVL. 'T is not strain'd , Sir. 'T is very naturall . CVR. I haue knowne it otherwise , Betweene the parties , though . FVL. For your fore-knowledge , Thanke that , which made it . It will not be so , Hereafter , I assure you . CVR. No , my Mistresse ? FVL. No though you bring the same materials . CVR. Heare me , You ouer act when you should vnderdoe . A little call your selfe againe , and thinke . If you doe this to practise on me ' or finde At what forc'd distance you can hold your seruant ; That ' it be an artificiall tricke , to enflame , And fire me more , fearing my loue may neede it , As , heretofore , you ha' done ; why , proceede . FVL. As I ha' done heretofore ? CVR. Yes , when you 'ld faine Your husbands iealousie , your seruants watches , Speake softly , and runne often to the dore , Or to the windore , forme strange feares that were not ; As if the pleasure were lesse accomptable , That were secure . FVL. You are an impudent fellow . CVR. And , when you might better haue done it , at the gate , To take me in at the casement . FVL. I take you in ? CVR. Yes , you my Lady . And , then , being abed with you , To haue your well taught wayter , here , come running , And cry , her Lord , and hide me without cause , Crush'd in a chest , or thrust vp in a chimney . When he , tame , Crow , was winking at his Farme ; Or , had he beene here , and present , would haue kept Both eyes , and beake seal'd vp , for sixe sesterces . FVL. You haue a slanderous , beastly , vnwash'd tongue , I' your rude mouth , and sauouring your selfe , Vn-manner'd Lord. CVR. How now ! FVL. It is your title , Sir. Who ( since you ha' lost your owne good name , and know not What to loose more ) care not , whose honor you wound , Or fame ' you poyson with it . You should goe , And vent your selfe , i' the region , where you liue , Among the Suburbe-Brothels , Baudes , and Brokers , Whither your broken fortunes haue design'd you . CVR. Nay , then I must stop your furie , I see ; and plucke The tragicke visor off . Come , Ladie Cypris , Know your owne vertues , quickly . I le not be Put to the woing of you thus , afresh , At euery turne , for all the Venus in you . Yeeld , and be pliant ; or by Pollux — How now ? Will Lais turne a Lucrece ? FVL. No , but by Castor , Hold off your Rauishers hands , I pierce your heart , else . I le not be put to kill my selfe , as shee did For you , sweet Tarquine . What ? doe you fall off ? Nay , it becomes you graciously . Put not vp . You 'll sooner draw your weapon on me , I thinke it , Then on the Senate , who haue cast you forth Disgracefully , to be the common tale Of the whole Citty ; base , infamous Man : For , were you other , you would there imploy Your desperate dagger . CVR. Fuluia , you doe know The strengths you haue vpon me ; Doe not vse Your power too like a Tyran : I can beare , Almost vntill you breake me . FVL. I doe know , Sir , So do's the Senate , too , know , you can beare . CVR. By all the Gods , that Senate will smart deepe For your vpbraidings . I should be right sorry To haue the meanes so to be veng'd on you , ( At least , the will ) as I shall shortly on them . But , goe you on still : Fare you well , deare Ladie ; You could not still be faire'vnlesse you were proud . You will repent these moodes , and ere 't be long , too . I shall ha' you come about , againe . FVL. Doe you thinke so ? CVR. Yes , and I know so . FVL. By what Augury ? CVR. By the faire Entrailes of the Matrons chests , Gold , Pearle , and Iewels , here in Rome , which Fuluia , Will then ( but late ) say that shee might haue shar'd . And , grieuing , misse . FVL. Tut , all your promis'd Mountaines , And Seas , I am so stalely acquainted with — . CVR. But , when you see the vniuersall floud Runne by your coffers ; that my Lords , the Senators , Are sold for slaues , their Wiues for bond-women , Their Houses , and fine Gardens giuen away , And all their goods , vnder the Speare , at out-cry , And you haue none of this ; but are still Fuluia , Or perhaps lesse , while you are thinking of it : You will aduise then , Coynesse , with your cushion , And looke o' your fingers ; say , how you were wish'd ; And so , he left , you . FVL. Call him againe , Galla : This is not vsuall , something hangs on this That I must winne out of him . CVR. How now , melt you ? FVL. Come , you will laugh , now , at my easinesse ? But , 't is no miracle ; Doues , they say , will bill , After their pecking , and their murmuring . CVR. Yes , And then 't is kindly . I would haue my Loue Angry , sometimes , to sweeten off the rest Of her behauiour . FVL. You doe see , I study How I may please you , then . But you thinke , Curius T is couetise hath wrought me ; If you loue me Change that vnkinde conceipt . CVR. By my lou'd soule , I loue thee , like to it ; and 't is my study , More then mine owne reuenge , to make thee happy . FVL. And'tis that iust reuenge doth make me happy To heare you prosequute : and which , indeede , Hath wonne me , to you , more , then all the hope Of what can else be promis'd . I loue valour Better , then any Ladie loues her face , Or dressing : then my selfe do's . Let me grow Still , where I doe embrace . But what good meanes Ha' you t' effect it ? Shall I know your proiect ? CVR. Thou shalt , if thou 'lt be gracious . FVL. As I can be . CVR. And wilt thou kisse me , then ? FVL. As close as shels Of Cockles meet . CVR. And print 'hem deep ? FVL. Quite through Our subtle lips . CVR. And often ? FVL. I will sow ' hem . Faster then you can reape . What is your plot ? CVR. Why , now my Fuluia lookes , like her bright name , And is her selfe . FVL. Nay , answere me , your plot : I pray thee tell me , Quintus . CVR. I , these sounds Become a Mistresse . Here is harmony . When you are harsh , I see , the way to bend you Is not with violence , but seruice . Cruell , A Lady is a fire , gentle , a light . FVL. Will you not tell me , what I aske you ? CVR. All , That I can thinke , sweet Loue , or my breast holds , I le poure into thee . FVL. What is your designe , then ? CVR. I le tell thee ; Catiline shall now be Consull : But , you will heare more , shortly . FVL. Nay , deare Loue. CVR. I le speake it , in thine armes ; Let vs goe in . Rome will be sack'd , her wealth will be our prize ; By publique ruine , priuate spirits must rise . CHORVS . GReat Father Mars , and greater Ioue , By whose high auspice , Rome hath stood So long ; and , first , was built in blood Of your great Nephew , that then stroue Not with his brother , but your Rites : Be present to her now , as then , And let not proud , and factious Men Against your willes oppose their mights . Our Consuls , now , are to be made ; O , put it in the publique voice To make a free , and worthy choice ; Excluding such as would inuade The Common wealth . Let whom we name Haue wisedome , foresight , fortitude , Be more with faith , then face endu'd , And study conscience , aboue ●ame . Such , as not seeke to get the start In State , by power , parts , or bribes , Ambition's baudes ; but moue the Tribes By Vertue , modesty , desart . Such , as to iustice will adhaere , What euer great one it offend , And from the' embraced truth not bend For enuie , hatred , gifts , or feare . That , by their deedes , will make it knowne , Whose dignity they doe sustaine ; And life , state , glory , all they gaine , Count the Republiques , not their owne . Such the old Bruti , Decij were , The Cipi , Curtij , who did giue Themselues for Rome : And would not liue , As men , good , only for a yeare . Such were the great Camilli , too ; The Fabij , Seipio's ; that still thought No worke , at price inough , was bought , That for their Countrey they could doe . And , to her honor , so did knit ; As all their acts were vnderstood The sinewes of the Publique good : And they themselues , o●e soule , with it . These men were truely Magistrates ; These neither practis'd force , nor formes ; Nor did they leaue the helme , in stormes : And such they are make happy States . ACT. iij. CICERO , CATO , CATVLVS , ANTONIVS , CRASSVS , CAESAR , CHORVS , LICTORS . GReat Honors are great burdens : But , on whom They' are cast with enuy , he doth beare two loades . His cares must still be double to his ioyes , In any Dignity ; where , if he erre He findes no pardon : and , for doing well A most small praise , and that wrung out , by force . I speake this , Romanes , knowing what the weight Of the high charge , you ' haue trusted to me , is . Not , that thereby I would with art decline The good , or greatnesse of your benefit ; For , I ascribe it to your singular grace And vow , to owe it to no title else , Except the Gods , that Cicero'is your Consul . I haue no vrnes ; no dustie moniments ; No broken images of ancestors , Wanting an eare , or nose ; no forged tables Of long descents , to boast false honors from ; Or be my vndertakers to your trust . But a new Man ( as I am stil'd in Rome ) Whom you haue dignified ; and more , in whom Yo'haue cut a way , and left it ope for vertue Hereafter , to that place , which our Great men Held shut vp , with all rampires , for themselues . Nor haue but few of them , in time bene made Your Consuls so ; New men , before mee , none : At my first suite ; In my iust yeare ; Preferd To all competitors ; and some the noblest . CRA. Now the vaine swels . CAES. Vp glory . CIC. And to haue Your lowde consents , from your owne vtter'd voyces ; Not silent bookes : nor from the meaner tribes , But first , and last , the vniuersall concourse . This is my ioy , my gladnesse . But my care , My industrie , and vigilance now must worke , That still your counsell of me be approu'd ; Both , by your selues , and those , to whom you haue , With grudge , prefer'd mee : Two things I must labour , That neither they vpbraid , nor you repent you . For euery lapse of mine will , now , be call'd Your error ; if I make such : But , my hope is , So to beare through , and out , the Consulship , As spight shall ne're wound you , though it may mee . And , for my selfe , I haue prepar'd this strength , To do so well ; as , if there happen ill Vnto me , it shall make the Gods to blush , And be their crime , not mine , that I am enui'd ; CAES. O confidence ! more new , then is the Man ! CIC. I know well , in what termes I doe receiue The Common wealth , how vexed , how perplex'd : In which , there 's not that mischiefe , or ill fate , That good men feare not , wicked men expect not . I know , beside , some turbulent practises Alreadie on foote , and rumors of moe dangers , CRA. Or you will make them , if there be none . CIC. Last , I know , 't was this , which made the enuy , and pride Of the Great Romane bloud bate , and giue way To my election . CAT. Marcus Tullius , true ; Our neede made thee our Consull , and thy vertue . CAES. Cato , you will vndoe him , with your praise . CAT. Caesar will hurt himselfe , with his owne enuie . CHO. The voyce of Cato is the voyce of Rome . CAT. The voyce of Rome is the consent of Heauen ; And that hath plac'd thee , Cicero , at the helme , Where thou must render , now , thy selfe a Man , And Master of thy art . Each pettie hand Can steere a ship becalm'd ; but he that will Gouerne , and carry her to her ends , must know His tides , his currents ; how to shift his sayles ; What she will be are in foule , what in faire weathers ; Where her springs are , her leaks ; & how to stop 'hem ; What sands , what shelues , what rocks to threatē her ; The forces , and the natures of all winds , Gusts , stormes , & tempests ; when her keele ploughs hell And decke knocks heauen : then , to manage her Becomes the name , and office of a Pilot. CIC. Which I 'le performe , with all the diligence , And fortitude I haue ; not for my yeare , But for my life ; except my life be lesse , And that my yeare conclude it : If it must , Your will , lou'd Gods. This heart shall yet employ A day , an houre is left me , so , for Rome . As it shall spring a life , out of my death , To shine , for euer glorious in my facts : " The vicious count their yeares , vertuous their acts . CHO. Most noble Consul ! Let vs wait him home . CAES. Most popular Consul he is growne , me thinkes . CRA. How the rout cling to him ! CAES. And Cato leads ' hem ! CRA. You , his colleague , Antonius , are not look't on . ANT. Not I , nor do I care . CAES , He enioyes rest , And ease , the while : Let th' others spirit toyle , And wake it out , that was inspir'd for turmoyle . CATV. If all reports be true , yet , Caius Caesar , The time hath neede of such a watch , and spirit : CAES. Reports ? Do you beleeue 'hem Catulus , Why , he do's make , and breed 'hem for the people ; T' endeare his seruice to ' hem . Do you not tast An art , that is so common ? Popular men , They must create strange Monsters , and then quell 'hem ; To make their artes seeeme something . Would you haue Such an Herculean Actor in the Scene , And not his Hydra ? They must sweat no lesse To fit their properties , then t' expresse their parts . CRA. " Treasons , and guiltie men are made in States " Too oft , to dignifie the Magistrates . CATV. " Those States be wretched , that are forc'd to buy " Their Rulers fame , with their owne infamy . CRA. We therefore , should prouide that ours do not . CAES. That will Antonius make his care . ANT. I shall . CAES. And watch the watcher . CATV. Here comes Catiline . How do's he brooke his late repulse ? CAES. I know not . But hardly sure . CAT. Longinus , too , did stand ? CAES. At first : But he gaue way vnto his friend . CATV. Who 's that come ? Lentulus ? CAES. Yes , He is againe Taken into the Senate . ANT. And made Praetor . CAT. I know 't . He had my suffrage , next the Consuls ; CAES. True , you were there , Prince of the Senate , then . CATILINE , ANTONIVS , CATVLVS , CAESAR . CRASSVS , LONGINVS , LENTVLVS . HAyle noblest Romanes . The most worthy Consul , I gratulate your Honor. ANT. I could wish It had beene happier , by your fellowship , Most noble Sergius , had it pleas'd the people . CATI. It did not please the Gods ; who'instruct the people . And their vnquestion'd pleasures must be seru'd . They know what 's fitter for vs , then our selues ; And 't were impiety , to thinke against them . CATV. You beare it rightly , Lucius ; and , it glads , mee , To find your thoughts so euen . CATI. I shall still Studie to make them such to Rome , and Heauen . I would withdraw with you , a little , Iulius . CAES. I le come home to you : Crassus would not ha' you To speake to him , 'fore Quintus Catulus . CATI. I apprehend you . No , when they shall iudge Honors conuenient for me , I shall haue 'hem , With a full hand : I know it . In meane time , They are no lesse part of the Common-wealth , That doe obey , then those , that doe command . CATV. O , let me kisse your forehead , Lucius . How are you wrongd ! CATI. By whom ? CATV. Publicke report . That giues you out , to stomacke your repulse ; And brooke it deadly . CAT● . Sir : she brookes not me . Belieue me rather , and your selfe , now , of mee ; It is a kinde of slaunder , to trust rumour . CATV. I know it . And I could be angrie with it . CATI. So may not I. Where it concernes himselfe , Who 's angry at a slander , makes it true . CATV. Most noble Sergius ! This your temper melts me . CRA. Will you do office to the Consul , Quintus ? CAES. That Cato , and the Rout haue done the other ? CATV. I waite , when he will goe . Be still your selfe . He wants no state , or honors , that hath vertue , CATI. Did I appeare so tame , as this man thinks mee ? Look'd I so poore , so dead ? So like that nothing , Which he calls vertuous ? O my breast , breake quickly ; And shew my friends my in-parts , least they thinke I haue betraid ' hem . LON. Where 's Gabinius ? LEN. Gone . LON. And Vargunteius ? LEN. Slipt away ; all shrunke : Now that he mist the Consul-ship . CATI. I am The scorne of bond-men ; who are next to beasts . What can I worse pronounce my selfe , that 's fitter ? The Owle of Rome , whom Boyes , and Girles will hout ; That were I set vp , for that woodden God , That keepes our gardens , could not fright the crowes , Or the least Bird from muting on my head . LON. T is strange how he should misse it . LEN. Is 't not stranger , The vpstart Cicero should carry it so , By all consents , from men so much his Masters ? LON. T is true . CATI. To what a shadow , am I melted ! LON. Antonius wan it but by some few voyces . CATI. Strooke through , like ayre , and feele it not . My wounds Close faster , then they 're made . LEN. The whole designe , And enterprise is lost by 't . All handes quit it , Vpon his fayle . CATI. I grow mad at my patience . It is a Visor that hath poyson'd mee . Would it had burnt me vp , and I died inward : My heart first turn'd to ashes . LON. Here 's Cethegus yet . CATILINE , CETHEGVS , LENTVLVS , LONGINVS , CATO . REpulse vpon repulse ? An In-mate , Consul ? That I could reach the axell , where the pinnes are , Which bolt this frame ; that I might pull 'hem out , And plucke all into Chaos , with my selfe . CET. What , are we wishing now ? CATI. Yes , my Cethegus . Who would not fall with all the world about him ? CET. Not I , that would stand on it , when it falles ; And force new Nature out , to make another . These wishings taste of woman , not of Romane . Let vs seeke other armes . CATI. What should we do ? CET. Do , & not wish ; something , that wishes take not : So sodaine , as the Gods should not preuent , Nor scarce haue time , to feare . CATI. O noble Caius ! CET. It likes me better , that you are not Consul . I would not goe through open dores , but breake 'hem ; Swim to my ends , through bloud ; or build a bridge Of carcasses ; make on , vpon the heads Of men , strooke downe , like piles ; to reach the liues Of those remaine , and stand : Then is 't a pray , When Danger stoppes , and Ruine makes the way . CATI. How thou dost vtter me , braue soule , that may not , At all times , shew such as I am ; but bend Vnto occasion ? Lentulus , this man , If all our fire were out , would fetch downe new , Out of the hand of Ioue ; and riuet him To Caucasus , should he but frowne : and let His owne gaunt Eagle flie at him , to tire . LEN. Peace , here comes Cato . CAT. Let him come , and heare . I will no more dissemble . Quit vs all ; I , and my lou'd Cethegus here , alone Will vndertake this Giants warre , and cary it . LEN. What needs this , Lucius ? LON. Sergius be more wary . CATI. Now , Marcus Cato , our new Consuls spie , What is your sowre austerity sent t' explore . CATO . Nothing in thee , licentious Catiline : Halters , and racks cannot expresse from thee More , then thy deeds . T is onely iudgement waits thee . CATI. Whose ? Cato's ? shall he iudge me ? CAT. No , the Gods ▪ " VVho , euer , follow those , they go not with : And Senate ; who , with fire , must purge sicke Rome Of noysome Citizens , whereof thou art one . Be gone , or else let mee . T is bane to draw The same ayre with thee . CET. Strike him . LEN. Hold good Caius ; CET , Fearst thou not , Cato ? CATO . Rash Cethegus , no. T were wrong with Rome , when Catiline and thou Do threat , if Cato feard . CATI. The fire you speake of If any flame of it approach my fortunes , I le quench it , not with water , but with ruine . CATO . You heare this , Romanes . CATI. Beare it to the Consul . CET. I would haue sent away his soule , before him . You are too heauie , Lentulus , and remis●e ; It is for you we labour , and the Kingdome Promis'd you by the Sibyll's . CATI. Which his Praetorship , And some small flattery of the Senate more , Will make him to forget . LEN. You wrong me , Lucius . LON. He wil not need these spurres . CET. The action needs ' hem . " These things , when they proceed not , they goe backward . LEN. Let vs consult then . CET , Let vs , first , take armes . They that denie vs iust things , now , will giue All that we aske ; if once they see our swords . CAT. Our obiects must be sought with wounds , not words . CICERO , FVLVIA . IS there a Heauen ? and Gods ? and can it be They should so slowly heare , so slowly see ? Hath Ioue no thunder ? or is Ioue become Stupide as thou art ? ô neare-wretched Rome , When both thy Senate , and thy Gods doe sleepe , And neither thine , not their owne States doe keepe ! What will awake thee , Heauen ? what can excite Thine anger , if this practise be too light ? His former drifts partake of former times , But this last plot was only Catilines . O , that it were his last . But he , before Hath safely done so much , hee 'll still dare more . Ambition , like a torrent , nere lookes backe ; And is a swelling , and the last affection A high minde can put off : being both a Rebell Vnto the soule , and reason , and enforceth All lawes , all conscience , treades vpon religion , And offereth violence to Natures selfe . But here , is that transcends it . A blacke purpose To confound Nature : and to ruine that , Which neuer Age , nor Mankinde can repaire . Sit downe , good Lady ; Cicero is lost In this your fable : for , to thinke it true Tempteth my reason . It so farre exceedes All insolent fictions of the tragicke Scene . The Commonwealth , yet panting , vnderneath The stripes , and wounds of a late ciuill warre , Gasping for life , and scarce restor'd to hope ; To seeke t' oppresse her , with new cruelty , And vtterly extinguish her long name , With so prodigious , and vnheard-of fiercenesse ▪ What sinke of Monsters , wretches of lost minds , Mad after change , and desp'rate in their states , Wearied , and gall'd with their necessities , ( For all this I allow them ) durst haue thought it ? Would not the barbarous deeds haue beene beleeu'd , Of Marius , and Sylla , by our Children , Without , this fact had rise forth greater , for them ? All , that they did , was piety , to this . They , yet , but murdred Kinsfolke , Brothers , Parents , Rauish'd the Virgins , and , perhaps , some Matrons ; They left the Citty standing , and the Temples : The Gods , and Maiesty of Rome were safe yet . These purpose to fire it , to dispoile them , ( Beyond the other euils , ) and lay wast The farre-triumphed world : For , vnto whom Rome is too little , what can be inough ? FVL. T is true , my Lord , I had the same discourse . CIC. And , then , to take a horride Sacrament In humane blood , for execution Of this their dire designe ; which might be call'd The height of wickednesse : but that , that was higher , For which they did it . FVL. I assure your Lordship , The extreme horror of it almost turn'd me To aire , when first I heard it ; I was all A vapor , when 't was told me ; And I long'd To vent it any where ; 'T was such a secret , I thought , it would haue burnt me vp . CIC. Good Fuluia , Feare not your act ; and lesse repent you of it . FVL. I doe not , my good Lord. I know to whom I haue vtter'd it . CIC. You haue discharg'd it , safely . Should Rome , for whom you haue done the happy seruice , Turne most ingrate ; yet were your vertue paid In conscience of the fact : so much good deedes Reward themselues . FVL. My Lord , I did it not To any other ayme , but for it selfe . To no ambition . CIC. You haue learn'd the difference Of doing office to the publike weale , And priuate friendship , and haue shewne it , Lady . Be still your selfe . I haue sent for Quintus Curius , And ( for your vertuous sake ) i● I can winne him , Yet , to the common wealth ; He shall be safe too . FVL I le vndertake , my Lord , he will be wonne . CIC. Pray you , ioyne with me , then : And helpe to worke him . CICERO , LICTOR , FVLVIA , CVRIVS . HOw now ? Is he come ? LIC. He 'is here , my Lord. CIC. Goe presently , Pray my Colleague Antonius , I may speake with him , About some present businesse of the State ; And ( as you goe ) call on my brother Quintus , And pray him , with the Tribunes to come to me . Bid Curius enter . Ful●ia , you will aide me ? FVL. It is my duty . CIC. O , my noble Lord ! I haue to chide you , yfaith . Giue me your hand . Nay , be not troubled ; 't shall be gently , Curius . You looke vpon this Lady ? What ? Doe you ghesse My businesse , yet ? Come , If you frowne , I thunder : Therefore , put on your better lookes , and thoughts . There 's nought but faire , and good intended to you ▪ And I would make those your complexion . Would you , of whom the Senate had that hope , As , on my knowledge , it was in their purpose , Next sitting , to restore you : as they ha' done The stupide , and vngratefull Lentulus ; ( Excuse me , that I name you thus , together , For , yet , you are not such ) would you , I say , A person both of Blood and Honor , stock't In a long race of vertuous Ancestors , Embarke your selfe for such a hellish action , With Parricides , and Traitors , men turn'd Furies , Out of the wast , and ruine of their fortunes ; ( For 't is despaire , that is the mother of madnesse ) Such as want ( that , which all Conspirators , But they , haue first ) meere colour for their mischiefe ? O , I must blush with you . Come , you shall not labour To extenuate your guilt , but quit it cleane ; " Bad men excuse their faults , good men will leaue ' hem . " He acts the third crime , that defends the first . Here is a Lady , that hath got the start , I● piety , of vs all ; and , for whose vertue , I could almost turne Louer , againe : but that Terentia would be i●alous . What an honor Hath shee atchieued to her selfe ! What voices , Titles , and loud applauses will pursue her , Through euery street ! What windores will be fill'd , To shoote eyes at her ! What enuy , and griefe in Matrons , They are not shee ! when this her act shall seeme Worthier a Chariot , then if Pompey came , VVith Asia chain'd ! All this is while shee liues . But dead , her very name will be a Statue , Not wrought for time , but rooted in the minds Of all posterity ; when Brasse , and Marble , I , and the Capitol it selfe is dust . FVL. Your Honor thinks too highly of me . CIC. No : I cannot thinke inough . And I would haue Him emulate you . 'T is no shame , to follow The better precedent . Shee shewes you , Curius , VVhat claime your Countrey laies to you ; and what duty You owe to it : Be not afraid , to breake VVith Murderers , and Traytors , for the sauing A life , so neare , and necessary to you , As is your Countries . Thinke but on her right . " No Child can be too naturall to his Parent . Shee is our common Mother , and doth challenge The prime part of vs ; Doe not stop , but giue it : " He , that is void of feare , may soone be iust , " And no Religion binds men to be Traitors . FVL. My Lord , he vnderstands it ; and will follow Your sauing counsell . But his shame , yet , stayes him . I know , that he is comming . CVR. Doe you know it ? FVL. Yes , let me speake with you . CVR. O you are● . FVL. What a● I ? CVR. Speake not so loud . FVL. I am , what you should be , Come , doe you thinke , I 'ld walke in any plot , Where Madame Sempronia should take place of me , And Fuluia come i' the rere , or on the by ? That I would be her second , in a businesse , Though it might vantage me all the Sunne sees ? It was a seely phant'sie of yours . Apply Your selfe to me , and the Consul , and be wife ; Follow the fortune I ha' put you into : You may be some thing this way , and with safety . CIC. Nay , I must tolerate no whisperings , Lady . FVL. Sir , you may heare . I tell him , in the way , Wherein he was , how hazardous his course was . CIC. How hazardous ? how certaine to all ruine . Did he , or doe , yet , any of them imagine The Gods would sleepe , to such a Stygian practise , Against that Commonwealth , which they haue founded With so much labour , and like care haue kept , Now neare seuen hundred yeares ? It is a madnesse , Wherewith Heauen blinds 'hem , when it would confound 'hem , That they should thinke it . Come , my Curius , I see your nature's right ; you shall no more Be mention'd with them : I will call you mine , And trouble this good shame , no farder . Stand Firme for your Countrey ; and become a man Honor'd , and lou'd . It were a noble life , To be found dead , embracing her . Know you , What thanks , what titles , what rewards the Senate Will heape vpon you , certaine , for your seruice ? Let not a desperate action more engage you , Then safety should ; and wicked friendship force VVhat honesty , and vertue cannot worke . FVL. He tels you right , sweete friend : 'T is sauing counsaile . CVR. Most noble Consul , I am yours , and ●ers ; I meane my Countries : you ' haue form'd me new . Inspiring me , wi●h what I should be , truely . And I intreate , my faith may not seeme cheaper For springing out of penitence . CIC. Good Curius , It shall be dearer rather , and because I l'd make it such , heare how I trust you more . Keepe still your former face ; and mixe againe With th●se lost spirits . Runne all their mazes with'hem ; For such are treasons . Finde their windings out , And subtle turnings , watch their snaky waies , Through brakes , and hedges , into woods of darkenesse , VVhere they are faine to creepe vpon their breasts In pathes nere trod by Men , but Wolues , and Panthers . ●earne , beside Catiline , Lentulus , and those , VVhose names I haue , what new ones they draw in ; VVho else are likely ; what those Great ones are , They doe not name ; what waies they meane to take ; And whither their hopes point ; to warre : or ruine , By some surprize . Explore all their intents , And what you finde may profit the Republique , Acquaint me with it , either , by your selfe , Or this your vertuous friend , on whom I lay The care of vrging you ; I le see , that Rome Shall proue a thankefull , and a bounteous Mother : Be secret as the night . CVR. And constant Sir. CIC. I doe not doubt it . Though the time cut off All vowes . " The dignity of truth is lost , VVith much protesting ▪ Who is there ! This way , Least you be seene , and met . And when you come , Be this your token ; to this fellow . Light ' hem . O Rome , in what a sicknesse art thou fall'n ! How dangerous , and deadly ! when thy head Is drown'd in sleepe , and all thy body feu'ry ! No noise , n● pulling , no vexation wakes thee , Thy Lethargie is such : or if , by chance , Thou heau'st thy eye-lids vp , thou dost forget Sooner , then thou wert told , thy proper danger . I did vnreuerendly , to blame the Gods , VVho wake for thee , though thou snore to thy selfe . Is it not strange , thou should'st be so diseas'd , And so secure ? But more , that the first symptomes Of such a malady , should not rise out From any worthy member , but a base And common strumpet , worthlesse to be nam'd A haire , or part of thee ? Thinke , thinke , hereafter , What thy needes were , when thou must vse such meanes : And lay it to thy breast , how much the Gods Vpbraid thy foule neglect of them ; by making So vile a thing , the Author of thy safety . They could haue wrought by nobler waies : haue strooke Thy foes with forked lightning ; or ramm'd thunder ; Throwne hilles vpon 'hem , in the act ; haue sent Death , like a dampe , to all their families ; Or caus'd their consciences to burst ' hem . But , VVhen they will shew thee what thou art , and make A scornefull difference 'twixt their power , and thee , They helpe thee by such aides , as Geese , and Harlots . How now ? What answere ? Is he come ? LIC. Your Brother , VVill streight be here ; and your Colleague Antonius Said , coldly , he would follow me . CIC. I , that Troubles me somewhat , and is worth my feare ; He is a man , 'gainst whom I must prouide , That ( as hee 'll doe no good ) he doe no harme ; He , though he be not of the plot , will like it , And wish it should proceede ; for , vnto men , Prest with their wants , all change is euer welcome . I must with offices , and patience winne him ; Make him , by art , that which he is not borne , A friend vnto the publique ; and bestow The Prouince on him ; which is by the Senate Decreed to me : That benefit will bind him . T is well , if some men will doe well , for price ; " So few are vertuous , when the reward 's away : Nor must I be vnmindfull of my priuate ; For which I haue call'd my Brother , and the Tribunes , My Kins-folke , and my Clients to be neare me ; " He that stands vp 'gainst Traitors , and their ends , " Shall neede a double guard , of law , and friends : " Especially , in such an enuious State , " That sooner will accuse the Magistrate , " Then the Delinquent ; and will rather grieue " The Treason is not acted , then beleeue . CAESAR , CATILINE . THe night growes on ; and you are for your meeting : I le therefore end in few . Be resolute , And put your enterprise in act : The more " Actions of depth , and danger are consider'd , " The lesse assuredly they are perform'd . And thence it hapneth , that the brauest plots ( Not executed straight ) haue beene discouer'd . Say , you are constant , or another , a third , Or more ; there may be yet one wretched spirit , With whom the feare of punishment shall worke ' Boue all the thoughts of honor , and reuenge . You are not , now , to thinke what 's best to doe , As in beginnings ; but , what must be done , Being thus entred : and slip no aduantage That may secure you . Let 'hem call it mischiefe ; " When it is past , and prosper'd , 't will be vertue . " Th' are petty crimes are punish'd , great rewarded . Nor must you thinke of perill ; since , " Attempts , Begunne with danger , still doe end with glory : " And , when neede spurres , despaire will be call'd wisdome . Lesse ought the care of men , or fame to fright you ; " For they , that winne , do seldome receiue shame " Of victory : how ere it be atchiu'd ; And vengeance , least . For who , besieg'd with wants , Would stop at death , or any thing beyond it ? Come , there was neuer any great thing thing , yet , Aspired , but by violence , or fraud : And he that stickes ( for folly of a conscience ) To reach it — . CAT. Is a good religious foole . CAES. A superstitious slaue , and will die beast . Good night . You know what Crassus thinks , and I , By this : Prepare you wings , as large as sayles , To cut through ayre , and leaue no print behind you . A Serpent , ere he comes to be a Dragon , Do's eate a Bat : and so must you a Consul , That watches . What you doe , doe quickly Sergius . You shall not stir for mee . CAT. Excuse me , lights there . CAES. By no meanes . CAT. Stay then . All good thoughts to Caesar. And like to Crassus . CAES. Mind but your friends counsels . CATILINE , AVRELIA , LECCA . OR , I will beare no mind . How now , Aurelia ? Are your confederates come ? the Ladies ? AVR. Yes . CAT. And is Simpronia there ? AVR. She is . CAT. That 's well . She ha's a sulphurous spirit , and will take Light at a sparke . Breake with them , gentle loue , About the drawing as many of their Husbands , Into the plot , as can : If not , to rid ' hem . That 'll be the easier practise , vnto some , Who haue bene tir'd with 'hem long . Sollicite Their aydes , for money ; and their Seruants helpe , In firing of the Citie , at the time Shall be design'd . Promise 'hem States , and Empires , And men , for Louers , made of better clay , Then euer the old Potter Titan knew . Who 's that ? O , Porcius Lecca ! are they met ? LEC. They are all , here . CAT. Loue , you haue your instructions : I le trust you with the stuffe you haue to worke on . You 'll forme it ? Porcius , fetch the siluer Eagle I ga' you in charge . And pray 'hem , they will enter . CATILINE , CETHEGVS , CVRIVS , LENTVLVS , VARGVNTEIVS , LONGINVS , GABINIVS , CEPARIVS , AVTRONIVS . & C. O Friends , your faces glad mee . This will be Our last , I hope , of consultation . CAT. So , it had need . CVR. We loose occasion , daily . CAT. I , and our meanes : whereof one woundes me most , That was the fairest . Piso is dead , in Spaine . CET. As we are , here . LON. And , as it is thought , by enuy Of Pompey's followers . LEN. He too 's comming backe , Now , out of Asia . CAT. Therefore , what we ' intend We must be swift in . Take your seates , and heare . I haue , alreadie , sent Septimius Into the Picene territorie ; and Iulius , To rayse force , for vs , in Apulia : Manlius at Fesulae is ( by this time ) vp , With the old needie troopes , that follow'd Sylla ; And all do but expect , when we will giue The blow at home . Behold this siluer Eagle , Was Marius standard , in the Cimbrian warre , Fatall to Rome ; and , as our Augures tell mee , Shall still be so : For which one omenous cause , I● haue kept it safe , and done it sacred rites , As to a Godhead ; in a Chappell built Of purpose to it . Pledge then all your hands , To follow it , with vowes of death , and ruine , Strooke silently , and home . So waters speake When they runne deepest . Now 's the time , this yeare , The twenti'th , from the firing of the Capitol , As fatall too , to Rome , by all predictions ; And , in wh●ch , honor'd Lentulus must rise A King , if he pursue it . CVR. If he doe not , He is not worthy the great destiny . LEN. It is too great for mee , but what the Gods , And their great loues decree me , I must not Seeme carelesse of . CAT. No nor we enuious . We haue enough beside , all Gallia , Belgia , Greece ▪ Spayne , and Africke . CVR. ●and Asia too , Now Pompey is returning . CAT. Noblest Romanes , Me thinkes our lookes , are not so quicke and high , As they were wont . CVR. No ? whose is not ? CAT. We haue No anger in our eyes ▪ no storme , no lightning : Our hate is spent , and fum'd away in vapor , Before our hands be'at worke . I can accuse Not any one , but all of slacknesse . CET. Yes , And be your selfe such , while you do it . CAT. Ha ? T is sharply answerd , Caius , CET. Truly , truly . LEN. Come , let vs each one know his part to doe , And then be accus'd . Leaue these vntimely quarrels . CVR. I would there were more Romes then one , to ruine . CET. More Romes ? More Worlds . CVR. Nay then mo●e Gods , & Natures ▪ If they tooke part . LEN. When shall the time be , first ? CAT. I thinke the Saturnals . CET. 'T will be too long . CAT. They are not now farre off , 't is not a month . CET. A weeke , a day , an houre is too farre off , Now , were the fittest time . CAT. We ha' not laid All things so safe , and readie . CET. While we' are laying , We shall all lie ; and grow to earth . Would I Were nothing ●n it , if not now . These things They should be done , e're thought . CAT. Nay , now your re●son Forsakes you , Caius . Thinke , but what commodity That time will minister ; the Cities custome Of being , then , i● mirth , and feast . LEN. Loos'd whole In pleasure and securitie . AVL. Each house Resolu'd in freedome . CVR. Euery slaue a master . LON. And they too no meane aides . CVR. Made from their hope Of liberty . LEN. Or hate vnto their Lords . VAR. T is sure , there cannot be a time found out More apt , and naturall . LEN. Nay , good Cethegus , Why do your passions , now , disturbe our hopes ? CET. Why do your hopes delude your certainties ? CAT. You must lend him his way . Thinke , for the order , And processe of it . LON. Yes . LEN. I like not fire : 'T will too much wast my Citie . CAT. Were it embers ▪ There will be wealth enough , rak't out of them , To spring a new : It must be fire , or nothing . LON. What else should fright , or terrefie ' hem ? VAR. True. In that confusion , must be the chiefe slaughter . CVR. Then we shall kill 'hem brauest . CEP. And in heapes . AVT. Strew Sacrifices . CVR. Make the Earth an Altar . LON , And Rome the fire . LEC. 'T will be a noble night . VAR. And worth all Sylla's daies . CVR. When Husbands , Wiues , Grandfires , and Nephewes , Seruants , and their Lords , Virgins , and Priests , the Infant , and the Nurse Go all to hell , together , in a fleete . CAT. I would haue you , Longinus , and Statilius , To take the charge o' the firing , which must be , At a signe giuen with a trumpet , done In twelue chiefe places of the Citie , at once . The flaxe , and sulphure , are alreadie laid In , at Cethegus house . So are the weapons . Gabinius , you , with other force , shall stop The pipes , and conduits : And kill those that come For water . CVR. What shall I do ? CAT. All will haue Employment , feare not : Ply the execution . CVR. For that , trust me , and Cethegus . CAT. I will be At hand , with the army , to meete those that scape . And Lentulus , begirt you Pompey's house , To seise his sonnes aliue : for they are they Must make our peace with him . All else cut off , As Tarqu● did the Poppey heads ; or mowers A field of thistles ; or else , vp , as ploughes Do barren lands ; and strike together flints , And clods ; th' ungratefull Senate , and the People : Till no rage , gone before , or comming after May weigh with yours , though Horror leapt her selfe Into the scale : but , in your violent acts , The fall of torrents , and the noyse of tempests , The boyling of Charybdis , the Seas wildnesse ▪ The eating force of flames , and wings of winds , Be all outwrought , by your transcendent furies . It had bene done , ere this , had I bene Consul ; We'had had no stop , n● let . LEN. How find you Antonius ? CAT. The'other ha's wonne him lost , that Cicero Was borne to be my opposition , And stands in all our waies . CVR. Remoue him first . C●T . May that , yet , be done sooner ? CAT. Would it were done . CVR. VAR. I 'll doe 't . CET. It is my prouince ; none vsurpe it . LEN. What are your meanes ? CET. Enquire not . He shall die . Shall , was too slowly said . He 'is dying . That Is , yet , too slow . He 'is dead . CAT. Braue , only Romane , Whose soule might be the worlds soule , were that dying ; Refuse not , yet , the aydes of these your friends : LEN. Here 's Vargunteius holds good quarter with him . CAT. And vnder the pretext of clientele And visitation , with the morning Hayle , Will be admitted . CET. What is that to mee ? VAR. Yes , we may kill him in his bed , and safely . CET. Safe is your way , then ; take it . Mine's mine owne . CAT. Follow him , Vargunteius , and perswade , The morning is the fittest time . LON. The night Will turne all into tumult . LEN. And perhaps Misse of him too . CAT. Intreat , and coniure him . In all our names . LEN. By all our vowes , and friendships . SEMPRONIA , AVRELIA , F●LVIA , to them . WHat ! is our Councell broke vp first ? AVR. You say , VVomen are greatest talkers . SEM. VVe ha' done ; And are now fit for action . LON. VVhich is passion . There 's your best actiuity , Lady . SEM. How Kno●es your wise fatnesse that ? LON. Your Mothers daughter Did teach me , Madame . CET. Come Sempronia , leaue him : He is a Giber . And our present businesse Is of more serious consequence . Aurelia Tells me , you ' haue done most masculinely within , And plaid the Orator . SEM. But we must hasten To our designe as well , and execute : Not hang still , in the feuer of an accident . CAT. You say well , Lady . SEM. I do like our plot Exceeding well , t is sure ; and we shall leaue Little to fortune , in it . CAT. Your banquet stayes . Aurelia take her in . VVhere 's Ful●ia ? SEM. O the two Louers are coupling . CVR. In good faith , She 's very ill , with sitting vp . SEM. Youl 'd haue her Laugh , and lie downe . FVL. No , faith , Sempronia , I am not well ; I 'le take my leaue , it drawes Toward the morning . Curius shall stay with you . Madam , I pray you pardon me , my health I must respect . AVR. Farewell , good Fuluia . CVR. Make hast , and bid him get his guards about him . For Vargunteius , and Cornelius Haue vndertane it , should Cethegus misse : Their reason , that they thinke his open rash●esse VVill suffer easier discouerie , Then their attempt ; so vailed vnder friendship . I le bring you to your Coach. Tell him , beside , Of Caesars comming forth , here . CAT. My sweete Madam , VVill you be gone ? FVL. I am , my Lord , in truth , In some indisposition . CAT. I do wish You had all your health , sweet Lady . Lentulus , You 'll doe her seruice . LEN. To her coach , and duty . CATILINE . WHat ministers men must , for practise , vse ! The rash , th' ambitious , needy , desperate , Foolish , and wretched , eu'n the dregs of Mankinde , To whores , and women ! Still , it must be so . Each haue their proper place ; and , in their roomes . They are the best . Groomes fittest kindle fires ▪ Slaues carry burdens , Butchers are for slaughters , Apothecaries , Butlers , Cookes for poysons ; As these for me : Dull , stupide Lentulus , My stale , with whom I stalke ; the rash Cethegus , My executioner ; and ●at Longinus , Statilius , Curius , Ceparius , Cimber . My laborers , pioners , and incendiaries ; With these domesticke traitors , bosome theeues , VVhom custome hath call'd Wiues ; the readiest helpes , To strangle head-strong Husbands ; rob the easie ; And lend the moneyes , on returnes of lust . Shall Catiline not doe , now , with these aides , So sought , so sorted , something shall be call'd Their labor , but his profit ? and make Caesar Repent his ventring counsels , to a spirit , So much his Lord in mischiefe ? when all these ▪ Shall , like the Brethren sprung of Dragons teeth ▪ Ruine each other ; and he fall amongst 'hem : VVith Crassus , Pompey , or who else appeares , But like , or neare a great one . May my braine Resolue to water , and my bloud turne phlegme , My hands , drop off , vnworthy of my sword , And that b' inspired , of it selfe , to rip My breast , for my lost entrailes ; when I leaue A soule , that will not serue . And who will , are The same with slaues ; such clay I dare not feare . The cruelty , I meane to act , I wish Should be call'd mine , and tary in my name ; Whil'st after Ages do toyle out themselues In thinking for the like , but do it lesse : And , were the power of all the fiends let loose , With Fate to boote , it should be , still , example . When , what the Gaule , or Moore could not effect , Nor aemulous Carthage , with their length of spight , Shall be the worke of one , and that my night . CICERO , FVLVIA , QVINTVS . I Thanke your vigilance . VVhere 's my brother , Quintus ? Call all my seruants vp . Tell noble Curius , And say it to your selfe , you are my Sau●●s ; But that 's too little for you , you are Rome's : VVhat could I then , hope lesse ? O brother ! now , The engines I told you of , are working ; The machine ' gin's to moue . VVhere are your weapons ? Arme all my houshold presently . And charge The Porter , he let no man in , till day . QVI. Not Clients , and your friends ? CIC. They weare those names , That come to murther me . Yet send for Cato , And Quintus Catulus ; those I dare trust ; And Flaccus , and Pomtinius , the Praetors , By the backe way . QVI. Take care , good brother Marcus , Your feares be not form'd greater , then they should ; And make your friends g●ieue , while your enemies laugh . CIC. T is brothers counsell , and worth thankes , But doe As I intreat you . I prouide , not feare . VVas Caesar there , say you ? FVL. Curius sayes , he met him , Comming from thence . CIC. O , so . And , had you a counsell Of Ladies too ? VVho was your Speaker , Madam ? FVL. She that would be , had there bene fortie more ; Sempronia , who had both her Greeke , and Figures ; And , euer and anone , would aske vs , if The witty Consul could haue mended that ? Or Orator Cicero could haue said it better ? CIC. Shee 's my gentle enemy . Would Cethegus Had no more danger in him . But , my guards Are you , great powers ; and th' vnbated strengths Of a firme conscience , which shall arme each step Tane for the State ; and teach me slacke no pace For feare of malice . How now , Brother ? QVI. Cato ▪ And Qu●●tus Catulus were comming to you , And Crassus with ' hem . I haue let 'hem in , By th' garden . CIC. What would Cr●ssus haue ? QVI. I heare Some whispering 'bout the gate ; and making doubt , Whither it be not yet too early , or no ? But I doe thinke , they are your friendes , and Clients , Are fearefull to disturbe you . CIC. You will change To ' another thought , anone . Ha' you giu'n the Porter The charge , I will'd you ? QVI. Yes . CIC. Withdraw , and hearken . VARGVNTEIVS , CORNELIVS , PORTER , CICERO , CATO , CATVLVS , CRASSVS . THe dore 's not open , yet . COR. You ' were best to knocke . VAR. Let them stand close , then : And , when we are in , Rush after vs. COR. But where 's Cethegus ? VAR. He Has left it , since he might not do 't his way . POR. Who 's there ? VAR. A friend , or more . POR. I may not let Any man in , till day . VAR. No ? why ? COR. Thy reason ? POR. I am commanded so . VAR. By whom ? COR. I hope We are not discouer'd . VAR. Yes , by reuelation . Pray thee good slaue , who has commanded thee ? POR. He that may best , the Consull . VAR. We are his friends . POR. All 's one . COR. Best giue your name . VAR. Dost thou heare , fellow ? I haue some instant businesse with the Consull . My name is Vargunteius . CIC. True , he knowes it ; And for what friendly office you are sent . Cornelius , too , is there ? VAR. We are betraid . CIC. And desperate Cethegus , is he not ? VAR. Speake you , he knowes my voice . CIC. What say you to 't ? COR. You are deceau'd Sir. CIC. No , 't is you are so ▪ Poore , misled men . Your states are yet worth pitty , If you would heare , and change your sauage minds . Leaue to be mad ; forsake your purposes Of Treason , Rapine , Murder , Fire , and Horror : The common wealth hath eyes , that wake as sharply Ouer her life , as yours doe for her ruine . Be not deceiu'd , to thinke her lenity Will be perpetuall ; or , if Men be wanting , The Gods will be , to such a calling cause . Consider your attempts , and while there 's time , Repent you of ' hem . It doth make me tremble There should those spirits yet breath , that when they cannot Liue honestly , would rather perish basely . CATO . You talke to much to 'hem , Marcus , They' are lost . Goe forth , and apprehend ' hem . CATV. If you proue This practise ; what should let the Common-wealth To take due vengeance ? VAR. Let vs shift , away . The darkenesse hath conceal'd vs , yet : Wee 'll say Some haue abus'd our names . COR. Denie it all . CATO . Quintus , what guards ha' you ? Call the Tribunes aide ▪ And raise the City . Consul , you are too mild , " The foulenesse of some facts takes thence all mercy : Report it to the Senate . Heare : The Gods Grow angry with your patience . " T is their care , " And must be yours , that guilty men escape not . " As crimes doe grow , Iustice should rouse it selfe . CHORVS . WHat is it , Heauens , you prepare VVith so much swiftnesse , and so sodaine rising ? There are no Sonnes of earth , that dare , Againe , rebellion : or the Gods surprising ? The World doth shake , and Nature feares , Yet is the tumult , ●nd the horror greater VVithin our minds , then in our eares , So much Romes faults ( now growne her Fate ) doe threat her . The Priests , and People runne about , Each Order , Age , and Sexe amaz'd at other ; And , at the ports , all thronging out , As if their safety were to quit their Mother : Yet finde they the same dangers there , From which they make such hast to be preserued ; For guilty States doe euer beare The plagues about them , which they haue deserued . And , till those plagues doe get aboue The mountaine of our faults , and there doe sit ; VVe see 'hem not . Thus , still we loue The'euill we doe , vntill we suffer it . But , most , ambition , that neare vice To vertue , hath the fate of Rome prouoked ; And made , that now Rome's selfe no price , To free her from the death , wherewith she 's yoked . That restlesse Ill , that still doth build Vpon successe ; and endes not in aspiring : But there beginnes . And nere is fill'd , Whil● ought remaines that seemes but worth desiring . VVhere in the Thought , vnlike the Eye , To which things farre , seeme smaller then they are , Deemes all contentment plac'd on high : And thinks there 's nothing great , but what is farre . O , that in time , Rome did not cast Her errors vp , this fortune to preuent ; T' haue seene her crimes'ere they were past : And felt her faults , before her punishment . Act. iii● . ALLOBROGES . CAn these men feare ? who are not only ours , But the worlds masters ? Then I see , the Gods Vpbraid our suffrings , or would humble them ; By sending these affrights , while we are here : That we might laugh at their ridiculous feare , Whose names , we trembled at , beyond the Alpes . Of all that passe , I doe not see a face Worthy a man , that dares looke vp , and stand One thunder out ; but downeward all , like beasts , Running away from euery flash is made . The falling world could not deserue such basenesse . Are we emploid here , by our miseries , Like superstitious fooles ( or rather slaues ) To plaine our griefes , wrongs , and oppressions , To a meere clothed Senate , whom our folly Hath made , and still intends to keepe our Tyrannes ? It is our base petitionary breath That blowes 'hem to this greatnesse ; which this pricke Would soone let out , if we were bold , and wretched . When they haue taken all we haue ; our goods , Crop , lands , and houses , they will leaue vs this : A weapon , and an arme will still be found , Though naked left , and lower then the ground . CATO , CATVLVS , CICERO . DOe ; vrge thine anger , still ; good Heauen , and iust . Tell guilty men , what powers are aboue them . In such a confidence of wickednesse , 'T was time , they should know something fit to feare . CATV. I neuer saw a morne more full of horror . CATO . To Catiline , and his : But , to iust men , Though Heauen should speake , with all his wrath at once , That , with his breath , the hinges of the world Did cracke ; we should stand vpright , and vnfear'd . CIC. Why , so we doe , good Cato . Who be these ? CATV. Ambassadours , from the Allobroges , I take 'hem , by their habits . ALL. I , these men Seeme of another race ; Let 's sue to these There 's hope of iustice , with their fortitude . CIC. Friends of the Senate , and of Rome , to day VVe pray you to forbeare vs : on the morrow VVhat sute you haue , let vs , by Fabius Sanga , ( VVhose Patronage your State doth vse ) but know it , And , on the Consull's word , you shall receiue Dispatch , or else an answere , worth your patience . ALL. VVe could not hope for more , most worthy Consul . This Magistrate hath strooke an awe into me , And , by his sweetnesse , wonne a more reguard Vnto his place , then all the boistrous moodes That ignorant Greatnesse practiseth , to fill The large , vnfit authority it weares . How easie is a noble spirit discern'd From harsh , and sulphurous matter , that flies out In contumelies , makes a noise , and stinkes . May we finde good , and great men , that know how To stoupe to wants , and meete necessities , And will not turne from any equall suites . " Such men , they doe not succour more the cause , " They vndertake , with fauor , and successe ; " Then , by it , their owne i●dgments they doe raise , " In turning iust mens needes , into their praise . THE SENATE . PRAE. Roome for the Consuls . Fathers ▪ take your places . Here , in the house of Iupiter , the STAYER , By edict from the Consull , Marcus Tullius , You' are met , a frequent Senate . Heare him speake . CIC. Which may be happy , and auspicious still To Rome , and hers . Hono●'d and Conscript Fathers , If I were silent , and that all the dangers Threatning the State , and you , were yet so hid In night , or darkenesse , thicker in their breasts , That are the blacke contriuers ; so , that no Be●me of the light could pierce 'hem : Yet the voice Of Heau'n , this morning , hath spoke loud inough , T' instruct you with a feeling of the horror ; And wake you from a sleepe , as dead , as death . I haue , of late , spoke often in this Senate , Touching this argument , but still haue wanted Either your eares , or ●aith : so ' incredible Their plots haue seem'd , or I so vaine , to make These things for mine owne glory , and false greatnesse , As hath beene giuen out . But be it so : When they breake forth , and shall declare themselues , By their too foule effects , then , then , the enuy Of my iust cares will finde another name . For me , I am but one : And this poore life , So lately aim'd at , not an houre yet since , They cannot with more eagernesse pursue , Th●n I with gladnesse would lay downe , and loose , To buy Romes peace , if that would purchase it . But when I see , they 'ld make it but the step To more , and greater ; vnto yours , Romes , all : I would with those preserue it , or then fall . CA●S . I , I , let you alone , cunning Artificer ! See , how his gorget peeres aboue his gowne ; To tell the people , in what danger he was . It was absu●dly done of Vargunteius , To name himselfe , before he was got in . CRA. It matters not , so they denie it all : And can but carry the lie constantly . Will Catiline be here ? CAES. I' haue sent for him . CRA. And ha' you bid him to be confident ? CAES. To that his owne necessi●y will prompt him . CRA. Seeme to beleeue nothing at all , that Cicero Relates vs. CAES. It will mad him . CRA. O , and h●●pe The other party . Who is that ? His Brother ? What new intelligence ha's he brought him now ? CAES. Some cautions from his Wife , how to behaue him . CIC. Place some of them without , and some bring in . Thanke their kinde loues . It is a comfort yet , That all depart not from their Countries cause . CAES. How now , what 〈◊〉 this M●●ter ? Consul , A●tonius ? ANT. I doe not know , aske my Colleague , hee 'll tell you . There is some reason in state , that I must yeeld to ; And I haue promis'd him : Indeede he has bought it , With g●●ing me the Prouince . CIC. I professe , It grieues me ▪ Fathers , that I am compell'd To draw these armes , and aides for your defence ; And , more , against a Citizen of Rome , Borne here amongst you , a Patrician , A man , I must confesse , of no meane house , Nor no small vertue , if he had employ'd Those excellent gifts of Fortune , and of Nature , Vnto the good , not ruine of the State. But being bred in 's fathers needy fortunes , B●ought vp in 's ●isters prostitution , Confirm'd in ciuill slaughter , entring first The Common-wealth , with murder of the gentry ; Since , both by study , and custome , conuersant W●th all lice●tio●snesse : what could be hop'd In such a field of riot , but a course Extreme pernicious ? Though , I must protest , I found his mischiefs , sooner , with mine eyes , Then with my thought ; and with these hands of mine Before they touch'd , at my suspicion . CAES. VVhat are his mischiefs , Consul ? you declame Against his manners , and corrupt your owne ; " No wise man should , for hate of guilty men , " Loose his owne innocence . CIC. The noble Caesar Speakes Godlike truth . But , when he heares , I can Conuince him , by his manners , of his mischiefs , He might be silent : And not cast away His sentences in vaine , where they scarse looke . Toward his subiect . CAT. Here he comes himselfe . If he be wo thy any good mans voice , That good man sit downe , by him : Cato will not . CATV. If Cato leaue him . I 'le not keepe aside . CATI. VVhat face is this , the Senate here puts on , Against me , Fathers ! Giue my modesty Leaue , to demand the cause of so much strangenesse . CAES. It is reported here , you are the head To a strange faction , Lucius . CIC. I , and will Be prou'd against him . CAT. Let it be . Why , Consul , If in the Common-wealth , there be two bodies , One leane , weake , rotten , and that hath a head ; The other strong , and healthfull , but hath none : If I doe giue it one , doe I offend ? Restore your selues , vnto your temper , Fathers ; And , without perturbation , heare me speake : Remember who I am , and of what place , VVhat petty fellow this is , that opposes ; One , that hath exercis'd his eloquence , S●ill to the bane of the Nobility : A boasting , insolent tongue-man . CATO . Peace leud Traitor , Or wash thy mouth . He is an honest man And loues his Countrey ; would thou didst so , too . CATI. Cato , you are too zealous for him . CATO . No , Thou art too impudent . CATV. Catiline be silent . CATI. Nay then , I easily feare , my iust defence VVill come too late , to so much preiudice . CAES. Will he ●it downe ? CATI. Yet , let the world forsake me , My innocence must not . CATO . Thou innocent ? So are the Furies . CIC. Yes , and Ate , too . Do'st thou not blush , pernicious Catiline ? Or , hath the palenesse of thy guilt drunke vp Thy blood , and drawne thy vaines , as drie of that , As is thy heart of truth , thy breast of vertue ? Whither at length wilt thou abuse our patience ? Still shall thy fury mocke vs ? To what licence Dares thy vnbridled boldnesse runne it selfe ? Doe all the nightly guards , kept on the Palace , The Cities watches , with the Peoples feares , The concourse of all Good men , this so strong And fortified seate here of the Senate , The pr●sent lookes vpon thee , strike thee nothing ? Do'st thou not feele thy Councels all laid open ? And see thy wild Conspiracy bound in VVith each mans knowledge ? which of all this Order Canst thou thinke ignorant ( if they 'll but vtter Their conscience to the right ) of what thou didst Last night , what on the former , where thou we●t , Whom thou didst call together , what your plots were ? O Age , and Manners ! This the Consul fees , The Senate vnderstands , yet this man liues ▪ Liues ? I , and comes here into Councell with vs ; Partakes the publique cares : and with his eye Markes , and points out each man of vs to slaughter . And we , good men , doe satisfie the State , If we can shunne but this mans sword , and madnesse . There was that vertue , once , in Rome , when good men Would , with more sharpe coërcion , haue restrain'd A wicked Citizen , then the deadliest Foe . We haue that law still , Catiline , for thee ; An a●t as graue , as sh●rpe : The State 's not wanting ▪ Nor the authority of this Senate ; wee , Wee , that are Consuls , onely fayle our selues . This twentie daies , the edge of that decree We haue let d●ll , and rust ; kept it shut vp , As in a sheath , which drawne should take thy head . Yet still thou li●'st : and li●'st not to lay by Thy wicked confidence , but to confirme it . I could desire , Fathers , to be found Still mercifull , to seeme in these maine perils , Grasping the state , a man remisse , and slacke ; But then , I should condemne my selfe of sloth , And trechery . Their Campe 's in Italy , Pitch'd in the iawes , here , of He●ruria ; Their numbers daily increasing , and their Generall Within our walles : nay in our Councell , plotting Howerly some fatall misch●efe to the Publique . If , Catiline , I should commaund thee , now , Here , to be taken , kill'd ; I make iust doubt , Whether all good men wo●ld not thinke it done Rather too late , then any man too cruell . CATO . Except he were of the same meale , and batch . CIC. But that , which ought to haue bene done long since ▪ I will , and ( for good reason ) yet forbeare . Then will I take thee , when no man is found So lost , so wicked , nay so like thy selfe , But shall professe , 't is done of neede , and right . While there is one , that dares befend thee , liue ; Thou shalt haue leaue ; but so , as now thou liu'st : Watch'd at a hand , besieged , and opprest From working least commotion to the State. I haue those eyes , and eares , shall still keepe guard , And sp●all on thee , as they haue euer done , And thou not feele it . What , th●n , canst thou hope ? If neither N●ght can , with her darknesse , hide Thy wicked meeti●gs ; not a priuate House Can , in her walles , containe the guiltie whispers Of thy conspiracy : If all breake out , All be discouered , change thy minde at last , And loose thy thoughts of ruine , flame , and slaughter . Remember , how I told , here , to the Senate , That such a day , thy Lictor , Caius Manlius , Would be in armes . Was I deceiued , Catiline , Or in the fact , or in the time ? the hower ? I told too , in this Senate , that thy purpose Was , on the fifth , the Kalends of Nouember , T' haue slaughterd this whole Order : which my caution Made many leaue the Citie . Canft thou here Denie , but this thy blacke designe was hindred , That very day , by mee , thy selfe clos'd in Within my strengths , so that thou could'st not moue Against a publique reed ? when thou wert heard To say , vpon the parting of the rest , Thou would'st content thee , with the murder of vs , That did remaine . Had'st thou not hope , beside , By a surprize , by night , to take Praeneste ? Where when thou cam'st , did'st thou not finde the place Made good against thee , with my aides , my watches ? My Garrisons fortified it . Thou dost nothing , Sergius , Thou canst endeuour nothing , nay not thinke , But I both see , and heare it ; and am with thee , By , and before , about , and in thee , too . Call but to minde thy last nights businesse . Come , I le vse no circumstance : at Lecca's house , The shop , and mint of your conspiracie , Among your Sword-men , where so many associates Both of thy mischiefe , and thy madnesse , met . Dar'st thou denie this ? wherefore art thou silent ? Speake , and this shall conuince thee : Here they are , I see 'hem , in this Senate , that were with thee . O you immortall Gods ! in what clime are wee ? What region do we liue in ? in what ayre ? VVhat Common-wealth , or State is this we haue ? Here , here , amongst vs , our owne number , Fathers , In this most holy Councell of the world , They are , that seeke the spoyle of me , of you , Of ours , of all ; what I can name 's too narrow : Follow the Sunne , and find not their ambition . These I behold , being Consull ; Nay , I aske Their counsels of the State , as from good Patriots : Whom it were fit the axe should hew in pieces , I not so much as wound , yet , with my voyce . Thou wast , last night , with Lecca , Catiline , Your shares ▪ of Italy , you there diuided ; Appointed who , and whither , each should goe ; What men should stay behind , in Rome , were chosen ; Your offices set downe ; the parts mark'd out , And places of the Citie , for the fire ; Thy selfe ( thou ' affirmd'st ) wa●t readie to depart , Onely , a little let there was , that stay'd thee , That I yet liu'd : Vpon the word , stept forth Three of thy crew , to rid thee of that care ; Two vndertooke this morning , before day , To kill me in my bed . All this I knew , Your conuent scarce dismiss'd , arm'd all my seruants , Call'd both my brother , and friends , shut out your clients , You sent to visite mee ; whose names I told To some there , of good place , before they came . CATO . Yes , I , and Quintus Catulus can affirme it . CAES. Hee 's lost , and gone . His spirits haue forsooke him . CIC. If this be so , why , Catiline , dost thou stay ? Goe , where thou meanst : The Ports are open ; forth . The Campe abroad wants thee , their Chiefe , too long . Lead with thee all thy troupes out . Purge the Citie . Draw drie that noysome , and pernicious sinke , Which left , behind thee , would infect the world . Thou wilt free me of all my feares , at once , To see a wall betweene vs. Dost thou stop To do that now , commanded ; which before , Of thine owne choise , thou' rt prone to ? Goe . The Consul Bids thee , an enemy , to depart the Citie . Whither , thou 'lt aske ? to exile ? I not bid Thee that . But aske my counsell , I perswade it . VVhat is there , here , in Rome , that can delight thee ? Where not a soule , without thine owne foule knot , But feares , and hates thee . What domesticke note Of priuate filthinesse , but is burnt in Into thy life ? What close , and secret shame , But is growne one , with thy knowne infamy ? What lust was euer absent from thine eyes ? What lewd fact from thy hands ? what wickednesse From thy whole body ? where 's that youth drawne in VVithin thy nets , or catch'd vp with thy baytes , Before whose rage , thou hast not borne a sword , And to whose lusts thou hast not ' held a torch ? Thy latter Nuptials I let passe in silence ; VVhere sinnes incredible , on sinnes , were heapt : Which I not name , lest , in a ciuill State , So monstrous facts should eyther appeare to bee , Or not to be reueng'd . Thy Fortunes , too , I glance not at , which hang but till next Ides . I come to that , which is more knowne , more publick ; The life , and safety of vs all , by thee Threatned , and sought . Stood'st thou not in the field , VVhen Lepidus , and Tullus were our Consuls , Vpon the day of choyse , arm'd , and with forces , To take their liues , and our chiefe Citizens ; When , not thy feare , nor consciēce chang'd thy mind , But the meere fortune of the Common-wealth VVithstood thy actiue malice ? Speake but right . How often hast thou made attempt on mee ? How many of thy assaults haue I declin'd VVith shifting but my bodie , ( as wee 'ld say ) VVrested thy dagger from thy hand , how o●t ? Ho● often ●a●h i● falne , or slip't by chance ? Yet can ●hy ●ide not want it : which , how vow'd , Or with what rites , 't is ●acred of thee , I know not , That still thou mak'st it a necessitie , To fixe it in the bodie of a Consul . But let me loose this way , and speake to thee , Not as one mou'd with hatred , which I ought , But pitty , of which none is owing thee . CAT. No more then vnto Tantalus , or Tityus . CIC. Thou cam'st , ere while , into this Senate . Who Of such a frequency , so many friends , And kindred thou hast here , saluted thee ? VVere not the seates made bare , vpon thy entrance ? R●ss ' not the Consular men ? and left their places , So soone as th●u sat'st downe ? and fled thy side , Like to a plague , or ruine ; knowing , how oft They had bene , by thee , mark'd out ●or the Shambles ? How dost thou beare this ? Surely , if my Slaues At home fear'd me , with halfe th' affright , and horror , That , ●ere , thy fellow Citizens do thee , I should soone quit my house , and thinke it need too . Yet thou dar'st ●ary heere ? Go forth , at last ; Condemne thy selfe to flight , and solitude . Discharge the Common-wealth , of her deepe feare . Goe ; into ba●ishment , if thou wait'st the word . Why do'st thou looke ? They all consent vnto it . Do'st thou expect th' authority of their voyces , VVhose silent willes condemne thee ? While they sit , They approue it ; while they suffer it , they decree it ; And while they ' are silent to it , they proclaime it . Proue thou there honest , I●e endure the enuie . But there 's no thought , thou should'st be euer hee , VVhom eyther shame should call from filthinesse , Terror from danger , or discourse from fury . Goe ; I intreat thee : yet , why do I so ? VVhen I alreadie know , they' are sent afore , That tarry for thee'in armes , and do expect thee On the Aurelian way . I know the day Set downe ▪ twixt thee , and Manlius ; vnto whom The siluer Eagle too is sent , before : VVhich I do hope shall proue , to thee as banefull , As thou conceiu'●t it to the Common-wealth . But , may this wise , and sacred Senate say , VVhat mean'st thou Marcus Tull●s ? If thou know'st That Catiline be look'd for , to be Chiefe Of an intestine warre ; that ●e'is the Author Of such a wickednesse ; the Ca●ler out Of men of marke in mischief● , to an action Of so much horror ; Prince of such a treason ; VVhy do'st thou send him forth ? why let him scape ? This is to giue him liberty , and power : Rather , thou should'st lay hold vpon him , send him To deseru'd death , and a iust punishment . To these so holy voyces , thus I answere . If I did thinke it timely , Conscript Fathers , To punish him with death , I would not giue The Fencer vse of one short hower , to breath ; But when there are in this graue Order , some , VVho , with soft censures , still doe nource his hopes ; Some , that with not beleeuing , haue confirm'd His designes more , and whose authoritie The weaker , as the worst men , too , haue follow●d : I would now send him , where they all shou●d see Cleare , as the light , his heart shine ; where no man Could be so wickedly , or fondly stupide , But should cry o●t he saw , touch'd , felt , and grasp 't it . Then , when he hath runne out himselfe ; led forth His desp'rate partie with him ; blowne together Aids of all kinds , both shipwrack●d minds & fortunes : Not onely the growne euill , that now is sprung , And sprouted forth , would be pluck'd vp , & weeded ; But the stocke , roote , and seed of all the mischiefes , Choking the Common-wealth . Where , should we take Of such a swarme of traytors , onely him , Our cares , and feares might seeme a while relieu'd , But the maine perill would bide still enclos'd Deepe , in the veines , and bowels of the State. As humane bodies , laboring with feuers , VVhile they are tost with heate , if they do take Cold water , seeme for that short space much eas'd , But afterward , are ten times more afflicted . VVherefore , I say , let all this wicked crew Depart , diuide themselues from good men , gather Their forces to one head ; as I said oft , Let 'hem be seuer'd from vs with a wall ; Let 'hem leaue off attempts , vpon the Consul , In his owne house ; to circle in the Praetor ; To girt the Court with weapons ; to prepare Fire , and balles , swords , torches , sulphure , brands : In short , let it be writ in each mans forehead What thoughts he beares the Publike . I here promise , Fathers Conscript , to you , and to my selfe , That diligence in vs Consulls , for my honour'd Colleague , abroad , and for my selfe , at home ; So great authority in you ; so much Vertue , in these , the Gentlemen of Rome ; VVhom I could scarce restraine to day , in zeale , From seeking out the Parricide , to slaughter ; So much consent in all good men , and minds , As , on the going out of this one Catiline ▪ All shall be cleare , made plaine , oppress'd , reueng'd . And , with this omen , go , pernicious plague , Out of the Citie , to the wish'd destruction Of thee , and those , that , to the ruine of her , Haue tane that bloudy , and blacke sacrament . Thou Iupiter , whom we do call the STAYER Both of this Citie , and this Empire , wilt ( With the same auspice thou didst raise it first ) Driue from thy Altars , and all other Temples , And Buildings of this City ; from our Walles ; Liues , states , and fortunes of our Citizens ; This fiend , this fury , with his complices . And all the' offence of good men ( these knowne traitors Vnto their country , theeues of Italie , Ioyn'd in so damn'd a league of mischiefe ) thou Wilt with perpetuall plagues , aliue , and dead , Punish for Rome , and saue her innocent head . CATI. If an Oration , or high language , Fathers , Could make me guilty , here is one , hath done it : H' has stroue to aemulate this mornings thunder , With his prodigious rhetoricke . But I hope , This Senate is more graue , then to giue credit Rashly to all he vomits , 'gainst a man Of your owne Order , a Patrician ; And one , whose ancestors haue more deseru'd Of Rome , then this mans eloquence could vtter , Turn'd the best way , as still , it is the worst . CATO . His eloquence hath more deseru'd to day , Speaking thy ill , then all thy ancestors Did , in their good : And that the State will finde , Which he hath sau'd . CATI. How he ? were I that enemy , That he would make me : I l'd not wish the State More wretched , then to neede his preseruation . What doe you make him , Cato , such a Hercules ? An Atlas ? A poore petty In - mate . CATO . Traitor . CATI. He saue the State ? A Burgesse● sonne of Arpinum . The Gods would rather twenty Romes should perish , Then haue that contumely stucke vpon 'hem , That he should share with them , in the preseruing A shed , or signe-post . CATO . Peace , thou prodigie . CATI. They would be runne themselues , againe , and lost In the first , rude , and indigested heape ; Ere such a wretched name , as Cicero , Should sound with theirs . CATV. Away , thou impudent head . CATI. Doe you all backe him ? are you silent too ? Well , I will leaue you Fathers ; I will goe . But — my fine dainty speaker . — CIC. What now Fury ? Wilt thou assault me here ? CHO. Helpe , aide the Consul . CATI. See Fathers , laugh you not ? who threatned him ? In vaine thou do'st conceiue , ambitious Orator , Hope of so braue a death , as by this hand . CATO . Out , of the Court , with the pernicious traytor . CATI. There is no title , that this flattering Senate , Nor honor , the base multitude can giue thee , Shall make thee worthy Catilines anger . CATO . Stop , Stop that portentous mouth . CATI. Or , when it shall , I le looke thee dead . CATO . Will none restraine the Monster ? CATV. Parricide . QVI. Butcher , Traytor , leaue the Senate . CATI. I' am gone , to banishment , to please you Fathers . Thrust head-long forth ? CATO . Stil , dost thou murmure , Monster ? CATI. Since , I am thus put out , and made a. — CIC. What ? CATV. Not guiltier then thou art . CATI. I will not burne Without my funerall pile . CATO . What sayes the Fiend ? CATI. I will haue matter , timber . CATO . Sing out Scrich-owle . CATI. It shall be in● CATV. Speake thy imperfect thoughts . CATI. The common fire , rather then mine owne . For fall I will with all , ere fall alone . CRA. H 'is lost , there is no hope of him . CAES. Vnlesse He presently take armes ; and giue a blow , Before the Consuls forces can be leuie'd . CIC. VVhat is your pleasure , Fathers , shall be done ? CATV. See , that the Common-wealth receiue no losse . CATO . Commit the care thereof vnto the Consuls . CRA. T is time . CAES. And need . CIC. Thanks to this frequent Senate . But what decree they , vnto Curius , And Fuluia ? CATV. What the Consul shall thinke meete . CIC. T●ey m●st receiue reward , though 't be not knowne ; 〈◊〉 when a State need●s ministers , they ha' none . CATO . Yet , Marcus Tullius , doe not I beleeue , Bu● Crassus , and this Caesar here ring hollow . CIC. And would appeare so , if that we durst proue ' hem . CATO . VVhy dare we not ? What honest act is that , The Roman Senate should not dare , and doe ? CIC. Not an vnprofitable , dangerous act , To stirre too many Serpents vp at once . Caesar , and Crassus , if they be ill men , Are mighty ones ; and , we must so prouide , That , while we take one head , from this foule Hydra , There spring not twenty more . CATO . I' proue your Counsell . CIC. They shall be watch'd , and look'd too . Till they doe Declare themselues , I will not put 'hem out By any question . There they stand . I le make My selfe no enemies , nor the State , no traitors . CATILINE , LENTVLVS , CETHEGVS , CVRIVS , GABINIVS , LONGINVS , STATILIVS . FAlse to our selues ? All our designes discouer'd To this State-Cat ? CET. I , had I had my way , He ' had mew'd in flames , at home , not i' the Senate : I' had sing'd his furres , by this time . CAT. Well , there 's , now , No time of calling backe , or standing still . Friends , be your selues ; keepe the same Roman hearts , And ready minds , you ' had yesternight : Prepare To execute , what we resolu'd . And let not Labor , or danger , or discouery fright you . I le to the army : you ( the while ) mature Things , here , at home . Draw to you any aides , That you thinke fit , of men of all conditions , Or any fortunes , that may helpe a warre . I le bleede a life , or winne an Empire for you . VVithin these few dayes , looke to see my ensignes , Here , at the walles : Be you but firme within . Meane time , to draw an enuy on the Consull , And giue a lesse suspicion of our course , Let it be giuen out , here in the Citty , That I am gone , an innocent man , to exile , Into Massilia , willing to giue way To fortune , and the times ; being vnable To stand so great a faction , without troubling The Common-wealth : whose peace I rather seeke , Then all the glory of contention , Or the support of mine owne innocence . Farewell the noble Lentulus , Longinus , Curius , the rest ; and thou , my better Genius , The braue Cethegus : when we meete againe , Wee 'll sacrifice to Liberty . CET. And Reuenge . That we may praise our hands once . LEN. O you Fates , Giue Fortune now her eyes , to see with whom Shee goes along , that shee may nere forsake him . CVR. He needs not her , nor them . Goe but on , Sergius . " A valiant man is his owne Fate , and Fortune . LON. The Fate , and Fortune of vs all goe with him . GAB. STA. And euer guard him . CAT. I am all your Creature . LEN. Now friends , 't is left with vs. I haue already Dealt , by Vmbrenus , with the Allobroges , Here resiant in Rome ; whose State , I heare , Is discontent with the great vsuries , They are oppress'd with : and haue made complaints Diuers , vnto the Senate , but all vaine . These men , I'haue thought , both for their owne oppressions , As also that , by nature , they' are a people Warlike , and fierce , still watching after change , And now , in present hatred with our State , The fittest , and the ●asiest to be drawne To our society , and to aide the warre . The rather , for their seate : being next bordrers On Italie : and that they ' abound with horse , Of which one want our Campe doth only labor . And I haue found 'hem comming . They will meete Soone at Sempronia's house , where I would pray you All to be present , to confirme 'hem more . The sight of such spirits hurt not , nor the store . GAB. I will not faile . STA. Nor I. CVR. Nor I. CET. Would I Had some what by my selfe , apart , to doe . I ha' no genius to these many counsels . Let me kill all the Senate , for my share , I le do it at next sitting . LEN. Worthy Caius , Your presence will adde much . CET. I shall marre more . CICERO . SANGA . ALLOBROGES . THe State 's beholden to you , Fabius Sanga , For this great care : And those Allobroges Are more then wretched , if they lend a listning To such perswasion . SAN. They , most worthy Consul , As men employ'd here , from a grieued State , Groaning beneath a multitude of wrongs , And being ●old , there was small hope of ease To be expected , to their euils , from hence , Were willing , at the first to giue an eare To any thing , that sounded liberty : But since , on better thoughts , and my vrg'd reasons , They ' are come about , and wonne , to the true side . The fortune of the Common-wealth hath conquer'd . CIC. What is that same Vmbrenus , was the Agent ? SAN. One that hath had negotiation In Gallia oft , and knowne vnto their State. CIC. Are the' Ambassadours come with you ? SAN. Yes . CIC. VVell , bring 'hem in , if they be firme , and honest , Neuer had men the meanes so to deserue Of Rome , as they . A happy , wish'd occasion , And thrust into my hands , for the discouery , And manifest conuiction of these traytors . Be thank'd ; ô Iupiter . My worthy Lords , Confederates of the Senate , you are welcome . I vnderstand by Quintus Fabius Sanga , Your carefull Patron here , you haue beene lately Sollicited against the Common-wealth , By one Vmbrenus ( take a seate , I pray you ) From Publius Lentulus , to be associates In their intended warre . I could aduise , That men , whose fortunes are yet flourishing , And are Romes friends , would not , without a cause , Become her enemies ; and mixe themselues And their estates , ●ith the lost hopes of Catiline , O● Lentulus , whose meere despaire doth arme 'hem : That were to hazard certainties , for ayre , And vndergoe all danger , for a voyce . Beleeue me , friends : " ● oud tumu●ts are not laid " With halfe the easinesse ▪ that they are rais'd . " All may beginne a warre , but few can end it . The Senate haue decreed , that my Colleague Shall leade their army , agains● Catiline , And haue declar'd both him , and Manlius traitors . Metellus Celer hath already giuen Part of their troopes defeate . Honors are promis'd To all , will quit'hem ; and rewards propos'd Euen to slaues , that can detect their courses . Here , in the City , I haue by the Praetors , And Tribunes , plac'd my guards , and watches so , That not a foote can treade , a breath can whisper , But I haue knowledge . And be sure , the Senate , And People of Rome , of their accustom'd greatnesse , Will sharply , and seuerely vindicate , Not only any fact , but any practise Or purpose , 'gainst the State. Therefore , my Lords , Consult of your owne waies , and thinke which hand Is best to take . You , now , are present ●uters For some redresse of wrongs ; I le vndertake Not only that sh●ll be as●ur'd you , but What grace or priuiledge else , Senate , or People Can cast vpon you , worthy such a seruice , As you haue now the way , and meanes , to doe 'hem ; If but your willes consent , with my designes . ALL. We couet nothing more , most worthy Consul . And how so ere we haue beene tempted lately , To a defection , that not makes vs guilty : We are not yet so wretched in our fortunes , Nor in our willes so lost , as to abandon A friendship , prodigally , of that price , As is the Senate , and the People of Romes , For hopes , that doe praecipitate themselues . CIC. You then are wise , and honest . Doe but this , then : When shall you speake with Lentulus , and the rest ? ALL. We are to meete anone , at Brutus house . CIC. Who ? D●cius Brutus ? He is not in Rome . SAN. O , but his wife Sempronia . CIC. You instruct me , Shee is a Chiefe . Well , faile not you to meete 'hem ▪ And to expresse the best affection You can put on , to all that they intend . Like it , applaud it , giue the Common-wealth And Senate , lost to ' hem . Promise any aides By armes , or counsell . What they can desire I would haue you preuent . Only , say this , You ' haue had dispatch , in priuate , by the Consull Of your affaires , and for the many feares The State 's now in , you are will'd by him , this euening , To depart Rome : which you , by all sought meanes , Will doe , of reason to decline suspicion . Now , for the more authority of the businesse They ' haue trusted to you , and to giue it credit With your owne State , at home , you would desire Their letters to your Senate , and your People , Which shewne , you durst engage both life , and honor , The rest should euery way answere their hopes . Those had , pretend sodaine departure you , And , as you giue me notice , at what Port You will goe out , I le ha' you intercepted , And all the letters taken with you : So As you shall be redeem'd in all opinions , And they conuicted of their manifest treason . " Ill deedes are well turn'd backe , vpon their Authors : " And 'gainst an Iniurer , the reuenge is iust . This must be done , now . ALL. Chearfully , and firmely . VVe ' are they , would rather hast to vndertake it , Then stay , to say so . CIC. VVith that confidence , goe : Make your selues happy , while you make Rome so . By Sanga , let me haue notice from you . ALL. Yes . SEMPRONIA , LENTVLVS , CETHEGVS , GABINIVS , STATILIVS , LONGINVS , VOLTVRTIVS , ALLOBROGES . WHen come these Creatures , the Ambassad●rs ? I would faine see ' hem . Are they any Schollers ? LEN. I thinke not , Madame . SEM. Ha' they no Greeke ? LEN. No surely . SEM. Fie , what doe I here , wayting on 'hem then ? If they be nothing but meere States-men . LEN. Yes , Your Ladyship shall obserue their grauity , And their reseruednesse , their many cautions , Fitting their persons . SEM. I doe wonder much , That States , and Common-wealths employ not women , To be Ambassadors , sometimes : we should ▪ Doe as good publike seruice , and could make As honorable Spies ( for so Thucidides Calls all Ambassadors . ) Are they come , Cethegus ? CET. Doe you aske me ? Am I your scout , or baud ? LEN. O Caius , it is no such businesse . CET. No ? VVhat do's a woman at it then ? SEM. Good Sir , There are of vs can be as exquisite Traytors , As ere a male-Conspirator of you all . CET. I , at smock-treason , Matron , I beleeue you ; And if I were your husband ; But when I Trust to your cobweb-bosomes any other Let me there die a Flie ; and feast you , Spider . LEN. You are too sowre , and harsh Cethegus . CET. You Are kinde , and courtly . I l'd be torne in pieces , VVith wilde Hippolytus , nay proue the death , Euery limbe ouer , ere I 'ld trust a woman , With wind , could I retaine it . SEM. Sir. They 'll be trusted With as good secrets , yet , as you haue any , And carry 'hem too , as close , and as conceald , As you shall for your heart . CET. I le not contend with you Eyther in tongue , or cariage , good Calipso : LON. Th' Ambas●adors are come . CET. Thanks to thee Mercury , That so hast rescu'd mee . LEN. How now , Volturtius ? VOL. They doe desire some speech with you , in priuate . LEN , O! t is about the prophecie , belike , And promise of the Sibylls ; GAB. it may bee . SEM. Shunne they , to treat with mee , too ? GAB. No , good Lady , You may partake : I haue told 'hem , who you are . SEM. I should be loath to be left out , and here too . CET. Can these , or such , be any aydes , to vs ? Looke they , as they were built to shake the world , Or be a moment to our enterprise ? A thousand , such as they are , could not make One Atome of our soules . They should be men VVorth Heauens feare , that looking vp , but thus , VVould make Ioue stand vpon his guard , and draw Himselfe within his Thonder ; which , amaz'd , He should discharge in vaine , and they vnhurt . Or , if they were , like Capaneus , at Thebes , They should hang dead , vpon the highest spires , And aske the second charge , to be throwne downe . VVhy , Lentulus , talke you so long ? This time Had bene enough , t' haue scatter'd all the Starres , T' haue quench'd the Sunne , and Moone , and made the World Despaire of day , or any light , but ours . LEN. How doe you like this spirit ? In such men , Mankind doth liue . They are such soules , as these , That moue the world . SEN. I , though he beare me hard , I , yet , must do him right . He is a spirit . Of the right Martian breed . ALL. He is a Mars . VVould we had time to liue here , and admire him . LEN. Well , I doe see you would preuent the Consul . And I commend your care : It was but reason , To aske our Letters , and we had prepar'd them . Goe in , and we will take an oath , and ●eale ' hem . You shall haue Letters , too , to Catiline , To visite him i' the way , and to confirme The association . This our friend , Volturtius , Shall goe along with you . Tell our great Generall , That we are readie here ; that Lucius Bestia The Tribune , is prouided of a speach , To lay the enuie of the warre on Cicero ; That all but long for his approach , and person : And then , you are made Freemen , as our selues . CICERO . FLACCVS . POMTINIVS . SANGA . I Cannot feare the warre but to succeede well , Both for the honor of the cause , and worth Of him that doth commaund . For my Colleague , Being so ill affected with the goute , Will not be able to be there in person ; And then Petreius , his Lieutenant , must Of neede take charge o' the army : who is much The better souldier , hauing bene a Tribune , Prefect , Lieutenant , Praetor in the warre , These thirtie yeares , so conuersant i' the army , As he knowes all the souldiers , by their names . FLA. They 'll fight then , brauely , with him . POM. I , and hee Will lead 'hem on , as brauely . CIC. They'haue a foe Will aske their braueries , whose necessities Will arme him like a fury . But , how euer , I 'le trust it to the mannage , and the fortune Of good Petreius , who 's a worthy Patriot . Metellus Celer , with three Legions , too , Will stop their course , for Gallia . How now , Fabius ? SAN. The trayne hath taken . You must instantly Dispose your guards vpon the Miluian bridge : For , by that way , they meane to come . CIC. Then , thither Pomtinius , and Flaccus , I must pray you To lead that force you haue ; and seise them all : Let not a person scape . Th' Ambassadours Will yeeld themselues . If there be any tumult I le send you ayde . I , in meane time will call Lentulus to me , Gabinius , and Cethegus , Statilius , Ceparius , and all these By seuerall messengers : who no doubt will come , Without sense , or suspicion . " Prodigall men " Feele not their owne stocke wasting . When I haue 'hem , I le place those guards , vpon 'hem , that they start not , SAN. But what 'll you doe with Sempronia ? CIC. " A State " Should not take knowledge eyther of Fooles , or Women . I do not know whether my ioy or care Ought to be greater ; that I haue discouer'd So foule a treason : or must vndergoe The enuie of so many great mens fate . But , happen what there can , I will be iust , My fortune may forsake me , not my vertue : That shall goe with me , and before me , still , And glad me , doing well , though I heare ill . PRAETORS , ALLOBROGES , VOLTVRTIVS . FLA. Stand , who goes there ? ALL. We are th' Allobroges , And friends of Rome . POM. If you be so , then yeeld Your selues vnto the Praetors , who in name Of the whole Senate , and the people of Rome , Yet , till you cleare you selues , charge you of practise Against the State. VOL. Die friends , and be not taken . FLA. What voyce is that ? Downe with 'hem all . ALL. We yeeld . POM. VVhat 's he stands out ? Kill him there . VOL. Hold , hold , hold . I yeeld vpon conditions . FLA. We giue none To traytors , strike him downe . VOL. My name 's Volturtius : I know Pomtinius . POM. But he knowes not you , While you stand out vpon these trayterous termes . VOL. I 'le yeeld vpon the safety of my life . POM. If it be forfeyted , we cannot saue it . VOL. Promise to doe your best . I 'am not so guilty , As many others , I can name ; and will : If you will grant me fauour . POM. All we can Is to deliuer you to the Consul . Take him , And thanke the Gods , that thus haue saued Rome . CHORVS . NOw , do our eares , before our eyes , Like men in mistes , Discouer , who 'ld the State surprise , And who resists ? And , as these clouds doe yeeld to light , Now , do we see , Our thoughts of things , how they did fight , Which seem'd t' agree ? Of what strange pieces are we made , Who nothing know ; But , as new Ayres our eares inuade , Still censure so ? That now do hope , and now doe feare , And now enuie ; And then doe hate , and then loue deare , But know not , why : Or , if we doe , it is so late , As our best moode , Though true , is then thought out of date , And empty of good . How haue we chang'd , and come about In euery doome , Since wicked Catiline went out , And quitted Rome ? One while , we thought him innocent ; And , then , w' accus'd The Consul , for his malice spent ; And power abus'd . Since , that we heare , he is in Armes , We thinke not so : Yet charge the Consul , with our harmes , That let him goe . So , in our censure of the State , VVe still do wander ; And make the carefull Magistrate The marke of slaunder . VVhat age is this , where honest men ▪ Plac'd at the helme , A Sea of some foule mouth , or pen , Shall ouerwhelme ? And call their diligence , deceipt ; Their vertue , vice ; Their watchfulnesse , but lying in waite ▪ And bloud , the price . O , let vs plucke this euill ●eede Out of our spirits ; And giue , to euery noble deede , The name it merits . Least we seeme falne ( if this endures ) Into those times , To loue disease : and brooke the cures Worse , then the crimes . Act. V. PETREIVS . THE ARMY . IT is my fortune , and my glory , Souldiers , This day , to lead you on ; the worthy Consul Kept from the honor of it , by disease : And I am proud , to haue so braue a cause To exercise your armes in . We not , now , Fight for how long , how broad , how great , and large Th'extent , and bounds o' th' people of Rome shall bee ; But to retaine what our great Ancestors , With all their labours , counsels , arts , and actions , For vs , were purchasing so many yeares . The quarrell is not , now , of fame , of tribute , Or of wrongs , done vnto Confederates , For which , the Army of the people of Rome VVas wont to moue : but for your owne Republique , For the rais'd Temples of th' immortall Gods , For all your Fortunes , Altars , and your Fires , For the deere soules of your lou'd Wiues , and Children , Your Parents tombes , your Rites , Lawes , Liberty , And , briefly , for the safety of the World : Against such men , as onely by their crimes Are knowne ; thrust out by riot , want , or rashnesse . One sort , Sylla's old troopes , left here in Fesulae , Who sodainly made rich , in those dire times , Are since , by their vnbounded , vast expence , Growne needie , aud poore , and haue but left t' expect , From Catiline , new Billes , and new Proscriptions . These men ( they say ) are valiant ; yet , I thinke 'hem Not worth your pause : For either their old vertue Is , in their sloth , and pleasures lost ; or , if It tarry with 'hem , so ill match to yours , As they are short in number , or in cause . The second sort are of those ( Citty-beasts , Rather then Citizens ) who whilst they reach After our fortunes , haue let flie their owne ; These , whelm'd in wine , swell'd vp with meates , and weakned With hourely whoredomes , neuer left the side Of Catiline , in Rome ; nor , here , are loos'd From his embraces : Such , as ( trust me ) neuer In riding , or in vsing well their armes , Watching , or other militarie labor , Did exercise their youth ; but learn'd to loue , Drinke , dance , and sing , make feasts , and be fine gamsters . And these will wish more hurt to ' you , then they bring you . The rest are a mixt kinde , all sorts of furies ▪ Adulterers , Dicers , Fencers , Outlawes , Theeues , The Murderers of their Parents , all the sinke , And plague of Italie , met in one torrent , To take , to day , from vs the punishment , Due to their mischiefs , for so many yeares . And who , in such a cause , and 'gainst such fiends , Would not now wish himselfe all arme , and weapon ? To cut such poysons from the earth , and let Their blood out , to be drawne away in cloudes , And pour'd , on some inhabitable place , Where the hot Sunne , and Slime breedes nought but Monsters ? Chiefly , when this sure ioy shall crowne our side , That the least man , that falles vpon our party This day ( as some must giue their happy names To fate , and that eternall memory Of the best death , writ with it , for their Countrey ) Shall walke at pleasure , in the tents of rest ; And see farre off , beneath him , all their host Tormented after life : and Catiline , there , VValking a wretched , and lesse Ghost , then he . I le vrge no more : Moue forward , with your Eagles , And trust the Senates , and Romes cause to Heauen . ARM. To thee , great Father Mars , and greater Ioue . CAESAR , CRASSVS . I Euer look'd for this of Lentulus , When Catiline was gone . CRA. I gaue 'hem lost , Many dayes since . CAES. But , wherefore did you beare Their letter to the Consul , that they sent you , To warne you from the City ? CRA. Did I know Whether he made it ? It might come from him , For ought I could assure me : if they meant , I should be safe , among so many , they might Haue come , as well as writ . CAES. There is no losse In being secure . I haue , of late , too , ply'd him , Thicke , with intelligences , but they ' haue beene Of things he knew before . CRA. A little serues To keepe a man vpright , on these State-bridges , Although the passage were more dangerous . Let vs now take the standing part . CAES. We must , And be as zealous ●or't , as Cato . Yet I would faine helpe these wretched men . CRA. You cannot ▪ Who would saue them , that haue betraid themselues ? CICERO , QVINTVS , CATO . I Will not be wrought to it , Brother Quintus . There 's no mans priuate enmity shall make Me violate the dignity of another . If there were proofe 'gainst Caesar , or who euer , To speake him guilty , I would so declare him . But Quintus Catulus , and Piso both , Shall know , the Consul will not , for their grudge , Haue any man accus'd , or named falsly . QVI. Not falsly , but if any circumstance , By the Allobroges , or from Volturtius , Would carry it . CIC. That shall not be sought by me ▪ If it reueale it selfe , I would not spare You , Brother , if it pointed at you , trust me . CATO . Good Marcus Tullius ( which is more , then great ) Thou had'st thy education , with the Gods. CIC. Send Lentulus , forth , and bring away the rest . This office , I am sorry , Sir , to doe you . THE SENATE . WHat may be happy still , and fortunate , To Rome , and to this Senate : Please you , Fathers , To breake these letters , and to view them round . If that be not found in them , which I feare , I , yet , intreate , at such a time , as this , My diligence be not contemn'd . Ha' you brought The weapons hither , from Cethegus house ? PRAE. They are without . CIC. Be ready , with Volturtins ▪ To bring him , when the Senate calls ; And see None of the rest , conferre together . Fathers , What doe you reade ? Is it yet worth your care , If not your feare , what you finde practis'd there ? CAES. It hath a face of horror . CRA. I 'am amaz'd . CATO . Looke there . SYL. Gods ! Can such men draw common aire ? CIC. Although the greatnesse of the mischiefe , Fathers , Hath often made my faith small , in this Senate , Yet , since my casting Catiline out ( for now I doe not feare the enuy of the word , Vnlesse the deede be rather to be fear'd , That he went hence aliue ; when those I meant Should follow him , did not ) I haue spent both daies , And nights , in watching , what their fury ' and rage Was bent on , that so staid , against my thought : And that I might but take 'hem in that light , Where , when you met their treason , with your eyes , Your minds , at length , would thinke for your owne safety . And , now , 't is done . There are their hands , and seales . Their persons , too , are safe , thankes to the Gods. Bring in Volturtius , and the' Allobroges . These be the men , were trusted with their letters . VOL. Fathers , beleeue me , I knew nothing : I Was trauailing for Gallia , and am sorry . — CIC. Quake not Volturtius , speake the truth , and hope Well of this Senate , on the Consuls word . VOL. Then , I knew all . But truely ' I was drawne in But tother day . CAES. Say , what thou know'st , and feare not . Thou hast the Senates faith , and Consuls word , To fortifie thee . VOL. I was sent with letters — And had a message too — from Lentulus — To Catiline — that he should vse all aides — Seruants , or others — and come with his army , Assoone , vnto the Citty as he could — For they were ready , and but staid for him — To intercept those , that should flee the fire — These Men , the Allobroges , did heare it too . ALL. Yes Fathers , and they tooke an oath , to vs. Besides their letters , that we should be free ; And vrg'd vs , for some present aide of horse . CIC. Nay , here be other testimonies , Fathers , Cethegus Armoury . CRA. What , not all these ? CIC. Here 's not the hundred part . Call in the Fencer , That we may know the armes to all these weapons . Come , my braue Sword-player , to what actiue vse , Was all this steele prouided ? CET. Had you ask'd In Syllas dayes , it had beene to cut throtes ; But , now , it was to looke on , only : I lou'd To see good blades , and feele their edge , and points . To put a helme vpon a blocke , and cleaue it , And , now and then , to stabbe an armour through . CIC. Know you that paper ? That will stabbe you through . Is it your hand ? Hold , saue the peeces . Traytor , Hath thy guilt wak'd thy fury ? CET. I did write , I know not what ; nor care not : That Foole Lentulus Did dictate ▪ and I tother Foole , did ●igne it . CIC. Bring in Statilius : Do's he know his hand too ? And Lentulus . Reach him that letter . STA. I Confesse it all . CIC. Know you that seale yet , Publius ? LEN. Yes , it is mine . CIC. Whose image is that , on it ? LEN. My Grandfathers . CIC. What , that renowm'd good man , That did so only ' embrace his Countrey ' , and lou'd His fellow Citizens ! Was not his picture , Though mute , of power to call thee from a fact , So foule . — LEN. As what , impetuous Cicero ? CIC. As thou art , for I doe not know what 's fouler . Looke vpon these . Doe not these faces argue Thy guilt , and impudence ? LEN. VVhat are these to me ? I know 'hem not . ALL. No Publius ? we were with you , At Brutus house . VOL. Last night . LEN. What did you there ? VVho sent for you ? ALL. Your selfe did . We had letters From you , Cethegus , this Statilius here , Gabinius Cimber , all , but from Longinus , VVho would not write , because he was to come Shortly , in person , after vs ( he said ) To take the charge o' the horse , which we should leuy . CIC. And he is fled , to Catiline , I heare . LEN. Spies ? spies ? ALL. You told vs too , o' the Sibylls bookes ▪ And how you were to be a King , this yeare , The twentieth , from the burning of the Capitol . That three Cornelij were to raigne , in Rome , Of which you were the last : and prais'd Cethegus , And the great spirits , were with you , in the action . CET. These are your honorable Ambassadors , My Soueraigne Lord. CAT. Peace , that too bold Cethegus . ALL. Besides Gabinius , your Agent , nam'd Autronius , Seruius Sulla , Vargunteius , And diuers others . VOL. I had letters from you , To Catiline , and a message , which I' haue told Vnto the Senate , truly , word for word : For which , I hope , they will be gracious to mee . I was drawne in , by that same wicked Cimber , And thought no hurt at all . CIC. Volturtius , peace . VVhere is thy visor , or thy voyce , now , Lentulus ? Art thou confounded ? Wherefore speak'st thou not ? Is all so cleare , so plaine , so manifest , That both thy eloquence , and impudence , And thy ill nature , too , haue left thee , at once ? Take him aside . There 's yet one more . Gabinius , The Enginer of all . Shew him that paper , If he do know it ? GAB. I know nothing . CIC. No ? GAB. No. Nor I will not know . CAT. Impudent head ? Sticke it into his throate ; were I the Consul , I l'd make thee eate the mischiefe , thou haft vented . GAB. Is there a Law for 't , Cato ? CAT. Dost thou aske After a Law , that would'st haue broke all lawes , Of Nature , Manhood , Conscience , and Religion . GAB. Yes , I may aske for 't . CAT. No , pernicious Cimber , " Th' inquiring after good , do's not belong " Vnto a wicked person . GAB. I , but Cato Do's nothing , but by law . CRA. Take him aside . There 's proofe enough , though he confesse not . GAB. Stay I will confesse . All 's true , your spies haue told you . Make much of 'hem . CET. Yes , and reward 'hem well , For feare you get no more such , See , they do not Die in a ditch , and stinke , now you ha' done with 'hem ; Or beg , o' the bridges , here in Rome , whose Arches Their actiue industrie hath sau'd . CIC. Se● , Fathers , VVhat mindes , and spirits these are , that , being conuicted Of such a treason , and by such a cloud Of witnesses , dare yet retaine their boldnesse ? What would their rage haue done , if they had conquerd ? I thought , when I had thrust out Catiline , Neither the State , nor I , should neede t' haue fear'd Lentulus sleepe here , or Longinus fat , Or this Cethegus rashnesse ; It was he , I only watch'd , while he was in our walles , As one , that had the braine , the hand , the heart . Bnt now , we finde the contrary . Where was there A People grieu'd , or a State discontent , Able to make , or helpe a warre 'gainst Rome , But these , th' Allobroges , and those they found ? Whom had not the iust Gods beene pleas'd to make More friends vnto our safety , then their owne , As it then seem'd , neglecting these mens offers , Where had we beene ? or where the Common-wealth ? When their great Chiefe had beene call'd home ; This man , Their absolute King , ( whose noble Grandfather , Arm'd in pursute of the seditious Gracchus , Tooke a braue wound , for deare defence of that , Which he would spoile ) had gather'd all his aides Of Ruffins , Slaues , and other Slaughter-men ; Giuen vs vp for murder , to Cethegus ; The' other ranke of Citizens , to Gabinius ; The Citty , to be fir●d by Cassius ; And Italie , nay the world , to be laid wast By cursed Catiline , and his complices . Lay but the thought of it , before you , Fathers , Thinke but with me you saw this glorious Citty , The Light of all the earth , Tower of all Nations , Sodainly falling in one flame . Imagine , You view'd your Countrey buried with the heapes Of slaughter'd Citizens , that had no graue ; This Lentulus here , raigning , ( as he dreamp't ) And those his purple Senate ; Catiline come With his fierce army ; and the cries of Matrons , The flight of Children , and the rape of Virgins , Shriekes of the liuing , with the dying grones On euery side t' inuade your sense ; vntill The blood of Rome , were mixed with her ashes . This was the Spectacle these fiends intended To please their malice . CET. I , and it would Haue bene a braue one , Consul . But your part Had not then bene so long , as now it is : I should haue quite defeated your Oration ; And slit that fine rhetoricall pipe of yours , I' the first Scene . CAT. Insolent Monster ! CIC. Fathers , Is it your pleasures , they shall be committed Vnto some safe , but a free custodie , Vntill the Senate can determine farder ? SEN. It pleaseth well . CIC. Then , Marcus Crassus , Take you charge of Gabinius : send him home Vnto your house . You Caesar , of Statilius . Cethegus shall be sent to Cornificius ; And Lentulus , to Publius Lentulus Spinther , Who now is Aedile . CAT. It were best , the Praetors Caried 'hem to their houses , and deliuered ' hem . CIC. Let it be so . Take 'hem from hence . CAES. But , first , Let Lentulus put off his Praetorship . LEN. I doe resigne it here vnto the Senate . CAES. So , now , there 's no offence done to ●●ligion . CAT. Caesar , 't was piously , and timely vrg'd . CIC. What do you decree to th' Allobroges ? That were the lights to this discouery ? CRA. A free grant from the State , of all their suites . CAES. And a reward , out of the publicke treasure . CAT. I , and the title of honest men , to crowne 'hem ▪ CIC. What to Volturtius ? CAES. Life , and fauor's well . VOL. I aske no more . CAT. Yes , yes , some money , thou need'st it . 'T will keepe thee honest : Want made thee a knaue . SYL. Let Flaccus , and Pomtinius , the Praetors , Haue publicke thankes , and Quintus Fabius Sanga , For their good seruice . CRA. They deserue it all . CAT. But what do we decree vnto the Consul , Whose vertue , counsell , watchfulnesse , and wisedome , Hath free'd the Common-wealth , and without tumult , Slaughter , or bloud , or scarce raysing a force , Rescu'd vs all out of the iawes of Fate ? CRA. We owe our Liues vnto him , and our Fortunes . CAES. Our Wiues , our Children , Parents , and our Gods. SYL. VVe all are saued , by his fortitude . CAT. The Common-wealth owes him a ciuicke gyrland . Hee is the onely Father of his Countrey . CAES. Let there be publike prayer , to all the Gods , Made in that name , for him . CRA. And in these words . For that he hath , by his vigilance , preseru'd Rome from the flame , the Senate from the sword , And all her Citizens from massacre . CIC. How are my labours more then paid , graue Fathers , In these great titles , and decreed honors ! Such , as to mee , first , of the ciuill robe , Of any man , since Rome was Rome , haue hap'ned ; And from this frequent Senate : which more glads mee , That I now see , you ' haue sense of your owne safety . If those good daies come no lesse gratefull to vs , Wherein we are preseru'd from some great danger , Then those , wherein w' are borne , and brought , to light , Because the gladnesse of our safety is certaine , But the condition of our birth not so ; And that we are sau'd with pleasure , but are borne Without the sense of ioy : why should not , then , This day , to vs , and all posteritie Of ours , be had in equall fame , and honor , VVith that , when Romulus first reard these walles , VVhen so much more is saued , then he built ? CAES. It ought . CRA. Let it be added to our Fasti. CIC. VVhat tumult 's that ? FLA. Here 's one Tarquinius taken , Going to Catiline ; and sayes he was sent By Marcus Crassus : whom he names , to be Guilty of the conspiracy . CIC. Some lying varlet . Take him away , to prison . CRA. Bring him in , And let me see him . CIC. He is not worth it , Crassus . Keepe him vp close , and hungry , till he tell , By whose pernicious counsell , he durst slander So great , and good a Citizen . CRA. By yours I feare , 't will proue . SYL. Some o' the Traytors , sure , To giue their action the more credit , bid him Name you , or any man. CIC. I know my selfe , By all the tracts , and courses of this businesse , Crassus is noble , iust , and loues his Countrey . FLA. Here is a Libell too , accus●ng Caesar , From Lucius Vectius , and confirm'd by Curius . CIC. Away with all , throw'it out o' the Court. CAES. A tricke on me , too ? CIC. It is some mens malice . I said to Curius , I did not beleeue him . CAES. Was not that Curius your spie , that had Reward decreed vnto him , the last Senate , With Fuluia , vpon your priuate motion ? CIC. Yes . CAES. But he has not that reward , yet ? CIC. No. Let not this trouble you , Caesar , none beleeues it . CAES. It shall not , if that he haue no reward . But if he haue , sure I shall thinke my selfe Very vntimely , and vnsafely h●●est , Where such , as he is , may haue pay t' accuse me . CIC. You shall haue no wrong done you , noble Caesar , But all contentment . CAES. Consul , I am silent . CATILINE . THE ARMIE . I Neuer yet knew , Souldiers , that , in fight , VVords added vertue vnto valiant men ; Or , that a Generals oration made An Army fall , or stand : But how much prowesse Habituall , or naturall each mans breast VVas owner of , so much in act it shew'd . " VVhom neither glory ' or danger can excite " T is vaine t' attempt with speech : For the minds feare " Keepes all braue sounds from entring at that eare . I , yet , would warne you some few things , my Friends , And giue you reason of my present counsailes . You know , no lesse then I , what state , what point Our affair●● stand in ; And you all haue heard , VVhat a calamitous misery the sloth , And sleepinesse of Lentulus , hath pluck'd Both on himselfe , and vs : How , whilst our aides There , in the Citty look'd for , are defeated , Our entrance into Gallia , too , is stopt . Two Armies waite vs : One from Rome , the other From the Gaule-Prouinces . And , where we are , ( Although I most desire it ) the great want Of corne , and victuall , forbids longer stay . So that , of neede , we must remoue , but whither The sword must both direct , and cut the passage . I only , therefore , wish you , when you strike , To haue your valours , and your soules , about you ; And thinke , you carry in your laboring hands The things , you seeke , glory , and liberty , Your Countrey , which you want now , with the Fates , That are to be instructed , by our swords . If we can giue the blow , all will be safe to'vs . We shall not want prouision , nor supplies . The Colonies , and free Townes will lie open . Where , if we yeeld to feare , expect no place , Nor friend , to shelter those , whom their owne Fortune , And ill vs'd Armes haue left without protection . You might haue liu'd in seruitude , or exile , Or safe at Rome , depending on the great ones ; But that you thought those thinges vnfit for men . And , in that thought , you then were valiant . For no man euer yet chang'd peace for warre , But he , that meant to conquer . Hold that purpose . There 's more necessity , you should be such , In fighting for your selues , then they for others . " Hee 's base , that trusts his feete , whose hands are arm'd . Me thinks , I see Death , and the Furies , waiting What we will doe ; and all the Heauen ' at leysure For the great Spectacle . Draw , then , your swords : And , if our desteny enuy our vertue The honor of the day , yet let vs care To fell our selues , at such a price , as may Vndoe the world to buy vs : and make Fate , While shee tempts ours , feare her owne estate . THE SENATE . SEN. What meanes this hasty calling of the Senate ? SEN. We shall know straight . Waite , till the Consul speakes . POM. Fathers Conscript , bethinke you of your safeties , And what to doe , with these Conspirators ; Some of their Clients , their Free'd men , and Slaues ' Ginne to make head : There is one of Lentulus Bauds Runnes vp and downe the shops , through euery street , With money to corrupt , the poore artificers , And needy tradesmen , to their aide . Cethegus Hath sent , too , to his seruants ; who are many , Chosen , and exercis'd in bold attemptings , That forthwith they should arme themselues , and proue His rescue : All will be in instant vproare , If you preuent it not , with present counsailes . We haue done what we can , to meete the fury , And will doe more . Be you good to your selues . CIC. What is your pleasure , Fathers , shall be done ? Syllanus , you are Consul next design'd . Your sentence , of these men . SYL. 'T is short , and this . Since they haue sought to blot the name of Rome , Out of the world ; and raze this glorious Empire With her owne hands , and armes , turn'd on her selfe : I thinke it fit they die . And , could my breath Now execute 'hem , they should not enioy An article of time , or eye of light , Longer , to poyson this our common aire . SEN. I thinke so too . SEN. And I. SEN. And I. SEN. And I. CIC. Your sentence , Caius Caesar. CAES. Conscript Fathers , In great affaires , and doubtfull , it behooues Men , that are ask'd their sentence , to be free From either hate , or loue , anger , or pitty : For , where the least of these doe hinder , there The minde not easily discernes the truth . I speake this to you , in the name of Rome , For whom you stand ; and to the present cause : That this foule fact of Lentulus , and the rest , Weigh not more with you , then your dignity ; And you be more indulgent to your passion , Then to your honor . If there could be found A paine , or punishment , equall to their crimes , I would deuise , and helpe : But if the greatnesse Of what they ha' done , exceede all mans inuention , I thinke it fit , to stay , where our lawes doe . Poore petty States may alter , vpon humor , Where , if they ' offend with anger , few doe know it , Because they are obscure ; their Fame , and Fortune Is equall , and the same : But they , that are Head of the world , and liue in that seene height , All Mankinde knowes their actions . So we see The greater fortune hath the lesser licence . They must nor fauor , hate , and least be angry : For what with others is call'd anger , there , Is cruelty , and pride . I know Syllanus , VVho spoke before me , a iust , valiant Man , A louer of the State , and one that would not , In such a businesse , vse or grace , or hatred ; I know , too , well his manners , and his modesty : Nor doe I thinke his sentence cruell ( for 'Gainst such delinquents , what can be too bloody ? ) But that it is abhorring from our state ; Since to a Citizen of Rome , offending , Our Lawes giue exile , and not death . Why then Decrees he that ? 'T were vaine to thinke , for feare ; When , by the diligence of so worthy a Consul , All is made safe , and certaine . Is 't for punishment ? Why Death 's the end of euils , and a rest , Rather then torment : It dissolues all griefes . And beyond that , is neither care , nor ioy . You heare , my sentence would not haue 'hem die . How then ? set free , and increase Catilines Armie ? So will they , being but banish'd . No , graue Fathers , I iudge 'hem , first , to haue their states confiscate , Then , that their persons remaine prisoners I' the free townes , farre off from Rome , and seuerd ' : Where they might neither haue relation , Hereafter , to the Senate , or the People . Or , if they had , those townes , then to be mulcted . As enemies to the State , that had their guard . SEN. T is good , and honourable , Caesar , hath vtterd . CIC. Fathers , I see your faces , and your eyes All bent on mee , to note of these two censures Which I encline to . Eyther of them are graue , And answering the dignitie of the speakers , The greatnesse of th' affaire , and both seuere . One vrgeth death : And he may well remember This State hath punish'd wicked Citizens so . The other bonds : and those perpetuall , which He thinkes found out for the more singular plague . Decree which you shall please . You haue a Consul Not readier to obey , then to defend What euer you shall act , for the Republique ; And meete with willing shoulders any burden , Or any fortune , with an euen face , Though it were death : which to a valiant man Can neuer happen foule , nor to a Consul Be immature , or to a wise man wretched . SYL. Fathers , I spake , but as I thought : the needes O' th' Common-wealth required . CAT. Excuse it not . CIC. Cato , speake you your sentence . CAT. This it is . You here dispute , on kinds of punishment , And stand consulting , what you should decree 'Gainst those , of whom , you rather should beware . This mischiefe is not like those common facts , Which , when they are done , the lawes may prosequute . But this , if you prouide not , ere it happen , When it is happen'd , will not waite your iudgment . Good Caius Caesar , here , hath very well , And subtilly discours'd of life , and death , As if he thought those things , a prety fable , That are deliuer'd vs of Hell , and Furies , Or of the diuers way , that ill men goe From good , to filthy , darke , and ougly places . And therefore he would haue these liue ; and long too ; But farre from Rome , and in the small free Townes , Lest , here , they might haue rescue : As if Men , Fit for such acts , were only in the City , And not throughout all Italie ? or that boldnesse Could not doe more , where it found least resistance ? T is a vaine Counsaile , if he thinke them dangerous . Which , if he doe not , but that he alone In so great feare of all men , stand vnfrighted , He giu●s me cause , and you , more to feare him . I am plaine , Fathers . Here you looke about , One at another , doubting what to doe : VVith faces , as you trusted to the Gods , That still haue sau'd you ; and they can do 't : But They are not wishings , or base womanish prayers Can draw their aides : but vigilance , counsell , action : VVhich they will be ashamed to forsake ▪ T is sloth they hate , and cowardise . Here you haue The Traytors in your houses , yet you stand Fearing what to doe with 'hem ; Let 'hem loose , And send 'hem hence with armes too ; that your Mercy May turne your misery , as soone as 't can . O , but , they , are great men , and haue offended But through ambition . We would spare their honor : I , if themselues had spar'd it , or their fame , Or modestie , or eyther God , or Man : Then I would spare ' hem . But , as things now stand , Fathers , to spare these men , were to commit A greater wickednesse , then you would reuenge . If there had bene but time , and place for you , To haue repair'd this fault , you should haue made it ; It should haue bene your punishment , to'haue felt Your tardie error : But necessity , Now , bids me say let 'hem not liue an hower , If you meane Rome should liue a day . I haue done . SEN. Cato hath spoken like an Oracle , CRA. Let it be so decreed . SEN. We all were fearefull . SYL. And had bene base , had not his vertue rais'd vs. SEN. Go forth , most worthy Consul , wee 'll assist you . CAES. I 'am not yet changd in my sentence , Fathers . CAT. No matter . What be those ? SER. Letters , for Caesar. CAT. From whom ? let 'hem be read , in open Senate ; Fathers , they come from the Conspirators . I craue to haue 'hem read , for the Republique . CAES. Cato , reade you it . T is a Loue-letter , From your deare sister , to me : though you hate me . Do not discouer it . CAT. Hold thee dronkard . Consul . Goe forth , and confidently . CAES. You 'll repent This rashnesse , Cicero . PRAE. Caesar shall repent it . CIC. Hold friends . PRAE. Hee 's scarce a friend vnto the Publicke . CIC. No violence . Caesar be safe . Leade on : Where are the publicke Executioners ? Bid 'hem waite on vs. On to Spinthers house . Bring Lentulus forth . Here , you , the sad reuengers Of capitall crimes , against the Publicke , take This man vnto your iustice : strangle him . LEN. Thou dost well , Consul . T was a cast at dice In Fortunes hand , not long since , that thy selfe Should'st haue heard these , or other words as fatall . CIC. Leade on to Quintus Cornificius house ; Bring forth Cethegus . Take him to the due Death , that he hath deseru'd : and let it bee Said , He was once . CET. A beast , or , what is worse , A slaue , Cethegus . Let that be the name For all that 's base hereafter : That would let This worme pronounce on him : and not haue trampled His bodie into — Ha! Art thou not mou'd ? CIC. " Iustice is neuer angrie : Take him hence . CET. O the whore Fortune ! and her bauds the Fates ! That put these trickes on men , which knew the way To death by ' a sword . Strangle me , I may sleepe : I shall grow angrie with the Gods , else . CIC. Leade To Caius Caesars , for Statilius . Bring him , and rude Gabinius , out . Here , take 'hem To your cold hands , and let 'hem feele death from you : GAB. I thanke you , you do me a pleasure . STA. And me too . CAT. So , Marcus Tullius , thou maist now stand vp , And call it happie Rome , thou being Consul . Great Parent of thy Countrie , goe , and let The Old men of the Citie , ere they die , Kisse thee ; the Matrons dwell about thy necke ; The Youths , and Maids lay vp , 'gainst they are old What kind of man thou wert , to tell their Nephewes , When , such a yeare , they reade , within our Fasti , Thy Consulship . Who 's this ? Petreius ? CIC. Welcome , VVelcome renowned Souldier . What 's the newes ? This face can bring no ill with 't , vnto Rome . How do's the worthy Consull , my Colleague ? PET. As well as victory can make him , Sir. He greetes the Fathers , and to me hath trusted The sad relation of the Ciuill strife , For , in such warre , the conquest still is blacke . CIC. Shall we withdraw into the House of Concord ? CAT. No , happy Consul , here ; let all eares take The benefit of this tale . If he had voice , To spreade vnto the Poles , and strike it through The Center , to the Antipodes ; It would aske it . PET. The streights , and needes of Catiline being such , As he must fight , with one of the two Armies , That then had neare enclos'd him ; It pleas'd Fate , To make vs th' object of his desperate choise , VVherein the danger almost paiz'd the honor : And as he riss ' , the day grew blacke with him ; And Fate descended nearer to the earth , As if shee meant to hide the name of things Vnde● her wings , and make the world her quarry . At this we rous'd , least one small minutes stay Had left it to be ' enquir'd , what Rome was . And ( as we ought ) arm'd in the confidence Of our great cause , in forme of battaile , stood . Whilst Catiline came on , not with the face Of any man , but of a publique ruine : His Count'nance was a ciuill warre it selfe . And all his host had standing in their lookes The palenesse of the death , that was to come . Yet cryed they out like Vultures , and vrg'd on ▪ As if they would praecipitate our fates . Nor staid we longer for 'hem ; But himselfe Strooke the first stroke : And , with it , fled a life . Which cut , it seem'd a narrow necke of land Had broke betweene two mighty Seas ; and either Flow'd into other ; for so did the slaughter : And whirl'd about , as when two violent Tides Meete , and not yeeld . The Furies stood , on hilles Circling the place , and trembled to see men Doe more , then they : whilst Piety left the field , Grieu'd for that side , that , in so bad a cause , They knew not , what a crime their valour was . The Sunne stood still , and was , behinde the cloud The battaile made , seene sweating , to driue vp His frighted Horse , whom still the noise droue backward . And now had fierce Enyo , like a flame , Consum'd all it could reach , and then it selfe ; Had not the Fortune of the Common-wealth Come Pallas-like , to euery Roman thought . Which Catiline seeing , and that now his Troopes . Couer'd that earth , they ' had fought on , with their trunkes , Ambitious of great fame , to crowne his ill , Collected all his fury , and ranne in ( Arm'd with a glory , high as his despaire ) Into our battaile , like a Lybian Lion , Vpon his hunters , scornefull of our weapons , Carelesse of wounds , plucking downe liues about him , Till he had circled in himselfe with death : Then fell he too , t' embrace it where it lay . And as , in that rebellion 'gainst the Gods , Minerua holding forth Medusa's head , One of the Gyant Brethren felt himselfe Grow marble at the killing sight , and now , Almost made stone , beganne t' inquire , what flint , What rocke it was , that crept through all his limmes , And , ere he could thinke more , was that he fear'd ; So Catiline , at the ●ight of Rome in vs , Became his Tombe : yet did his looke retaine Some of his fiercenesse , and his hands still mou'd , As if he labor'd , yet , to graspe the State , VVith those rebellious parts . CAT. A braue bad death . Had this beene honest now , and for his Countrey , As 't was against it , who had ere fallen greater ? CIC. Honor'd Petreius , Rome , not I must thanke you . How modestly has he spoken of himselfe ! CAT. He did the more . CIC. Thanks to the'immortall Gods , Romans , I now am paid for all my labors , My watchings , and my dangers . Here conclude Your praises , triumphes , honors , and rewards Decreed to me : only the memory Of this glad day , if I may know it liue VVithin your thoughts , shall much affect my conscience , VVhich I must alwaies study before fame . " Though both be good , the latter yet is worst , " And euer is ill got , without the first . The end . A04653 ---- The fountaine of selfe-loue. Or Cynthias reuels As it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Black-Friers by the Children of her Maiesties Chappell. Written by Ben: Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1601 Approx. 194 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 47 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A04653 STC 14773 ESTC S109229 99844879 99844879 9728 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04653) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 9728) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 757:13) The fountaine of selfe-loue. Or Cynthias reuels As it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Black-Friers by the Children of her Maiesties Chappell. Written by Ben: Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [92] p. [By R. Read] for Walter Burre, and are to be solde at his shop in Paules Church-yard, at the signe of the Flower de-Luce and Crowne, Imprinted at London : 1601. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: A-L⁴ M² . Running title reads: Cynthias reuells. Variant: with added dedication leaf to (1) William Camden or (2) Lucy, Countess of Bedford. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2002-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-10 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-11 Emma (Leeson) Huber Sampled and proofread 2002-11 Emma (Leeson) Huber Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE FOVNTAINE OF SELFE-LOVE . Or CYNTHIAS REVELS . As it hath beene sundry times priuately acted in the Black-Friers by the Children of her Maiesties Chappell . Written by BEN : IOHNSON . Quod non dant Proceres , dabit Histrio . Haud tamen inuideas vati , quem pulpita pascunt . Imprinted at London for Walter Burre , and are to be solde at his shop in Paules Church-yard , at the signe of the Flower de-Luce and Crowne . 1601. The number and names of the Actors . 1. Cynthia . 2. Mercury . 3. Cupid . 4. Hesperus . 5. Echo . 6. Criticus ▪ 7. Arete . 8. Amorphus . 9. Phantaste . 10. Asotus . 11. Argurion . 12. Hedon . 13. Philautia . 14. Anaides . 15. Moria . 16. Prosaites . 17. Cos. 18. Morus . 19. Gelaia . 20. Phronesis . 21. Thauma . 22. Tim E. Mutes . AD LECTOREM . Nasutum volo , nolo polyposum . Praeludium . Enter three of the Children . 1. PRay you away ; why Children ? Gods so ▪ what doe yo● meane ? 2. Mary that you shall not speake the Prologue Sir. 3. Why ? do you hope to speake it ? 2. I , & I thinke I haue most right to it ; I am sure I studied it first . 3. That 's all one , if the Author thinke I can speake it better . 1. I plead possession of the Cloake : Gentles , your suffrages for Gods sake . Why Children , are you not ashamd ? come in there . Within . 3. 'Slid , I le play nothing i' the Play : vnlesse I speake it . 1. Why ? will you stand to most voyces of the Gentlemen ? let that decide it . 3. O no Sir Gallant ; you presume to haue the start of vs there , and that makes you offer so bountifully . 1. No , would I were whipt , if I had any such thought ; trye it by Lots eyther . 2. Faith , I dare tempt my Fortune in a greater venter then this . 3. Well said resolute Iack : I am Content too ; so we draw first . make the Cuts . 1. But will you not snatch my Cloake while I am stooping ? 3. No , we scorn● trechery . 2. Which Cut shall speake it ? 3. The shortest . 1. Agreed : Draw. — The shortest is come to the shortest . Fortune was not altogether blind in this : Now Children , I hope I shall go forward without your E●uy . 2. A spight of all mischeiuous lucke : I was once plucking at the other . 3. Stay Iack : 'Slid I le do somewhat now afore I goe in , though it be nothing but to reue●ge my selfe of the Author ; since I speake not his Prologue . I le goe tell all the Argument of his Play aforehand , and so stale his Inuention to the Auditory before it come foorth . 1. O do not so . At the breaches in this speech following , the other two Boyes interrupt him . 2. By no meanes . 3. First the Title of his Play is CYNTHIAS Reuels , as any man ( that hath hope to be sau'd by his Booke ) can witnesse ; the Scene , GARGAPHIA : which I do vehemently suspect for some Fustian Countrey ; but let that vanish . Here is the Court of Cynthia ; whither he brings Cupid ( trauailing on foote ) resolu'd to turne Page : By the way Cupid meetes with Mercury , ( as that 's a thing to be noted ▪ take any of our Play-bookes without a Cupid , or a Mercury in it , and burne it for an Heretique in Poetry ) — Pray thee let me alone : Mercurie , he , ( in the nature of a Coniurer ) rayses vp Echo : who weepes ouer her L●ue , or Daffodill Narcissus , a little ; sings ; cursses the Spring wherein the pretty foolish Gentleman melted himselfe away : and ther 's an end of her — Now , I am to enforme you , that Cupid , and Mercury do both become Pages : Cupid attends on Philautia , ●r Selfe-loue , a Court● Lady : Mercury followes Hedon the voluptuous Courtier ; one that rankes himselfe euen with Anaides , or the impudent Gallant , ( and , that 's my part : ) a Fellow that keepes * Laughter the daughter of * Folly ( a wenche in Boyes attire ) to wayte ●n him — These , in the Court , meete with Amorphus , or the Deformed , a Trauailer that hath drunke of the Fountaine , and there tels the wonders of the Water ; they presently d●spatch away their Pages with Bottles to fetch of it , and themselues goe to visit the Ladyes : But I should haue tolde you — Looke , these Emets put me out here : that with this Amorphus , there comes along a Citizenss heire , Asotus , or the Prodigall , who ( in Imitation ●f the Traueller , that hath the * Whetstone , following him ▪ ) entertaines the * Begger , to be his Attendant . — Now the Nymphes , who are Mistresses , to these Gallants , are Philautia , Selfe-loue ; Phantaste , A light Wittinesse ; Argurion , Money ; and their Guardian , Mother Moria ; or Mistresse Folly. — 2 Pray thee no more . 3. There Cupid strikes Money in loue with the Prodigall ; makes her doate vpon him , giue him Iewels , Bracelets , Carkanets , &c. all which ( he most ingeniously ) departs withall , to be made knowne to the other Ladyes , and Gallants ; and in the heate of this , encreases his traine with the * Foole to follow him , as well as the Begger — By this time your Begger begins to waite close , who is return'd with the rest of his fellow Bottle-men — There they all drinke saue Argurion , who is f●lne into a sodaine Apoplexy — 1. Stop his mouth . 3. And then there 's a retir'd * Scholler there , you would not wish a thing to be better contemn'd of a Society of Gallants , then it is : and he applyes his ser●ice ( good Gentleman ) to the Lady Arete , or Virtue , a poore Nymph of Cynthias traine , that 's scarce able to buy her selfe a Gowne , you shall see her play in a Blacke Roabe anone : A Creature , that ( I assure you ) is no lesse scorn'd , then himselfe . Where am I now ? at a stand ? 2. Come , leaue at last yet . 3. O , the Night is come , ( 't was somwhat darke , me thought ) and Cynthia intends to come foorth : That helpes it a little yet . All the Courtiers must prouide for Reuels ; they conclude vpon a Masque , the deuise of which , is — what will you rauish me ? that each of these Vices , beeing to appeare before Cynthia , would seeme other then indeed they are : and therefore assume the most neighbouring Virtues as their masquing Habites — I 'ld crye a Rape but that you are Children . 2. Come , wee le haue no more of this Anticipation ; to giue them the Inuentory of their Cates aforehand , were the discipline of a Tauerne , and n●t ●itting this Presence . 1. Tut , this was but to shew vs the happinesse of his Memory ▪ I thought at first hee would haue playde the Ignorant Critique with euery thing along as hee had gone ; I expected some such Deuise . 3. O you shall see me do that rarely ; lend me thy Cloake . 1. Soft Sir , you 'le speake my Prologue in it ? 3. No , would I might neuer stirre then . 2. Lend it him , lend it him : 1. Well , you haue sworne ? .3 I haue . Now Sir ; suppose I am one of your Gentile Auditors , that am come in ( hauing paide my money at the Doore with much adoe ) and here I take my place , an● sit downe : I haue my three sorts of Tabacco , in my Pocket , my Light by me ; and thus I Begin . By Gods so , I wonder that any man is so madde , to come to see these raskally Tits play here — They doe act like so many Wrens or Pismires — not the fifth part of a good Face amongst them all — And then their Musique is abhominable — able to stretch a mans E●res worse , then ten — Pillories , and their Ditties — most lamentable things , like the pittifull Fellowes that make them — Poets . By Gods lid , and 't were not for Tabacco — I thinke — the very stench of 'hem would poyson me , I should not dare to come in at their Gates — A man were better visit fifteene Iayles — or a dozen or two of Hospitals — then once aduenture to come neare them . How is 't ? well ? 1. Excellent ; giue me my Cloake . 3. Stay ; you shall see me do another now : but a more sober , or better-gather'd Gallant ; that is ( as it may be thought ) some Friend , or well-wisher to the House : And here I Enter . 1. What ? vpon the Stage too ? 2. Yes : and I step foorth like one of the Children , and ask● you ; Would you haue Stoole Sir ? 3. A Stoole Boy ? 2. I Sir , if you 'le giue me sixe Pence , I 'le fetch you one . .3 For what I pray thee ? what shall I doe with it ? 2. O God Sir ! will you betraye your Ignorance so much ? why , throne your selfe in state on the Stage , as other Gentlemen vse Sir. 3. Away Wag : what wouldst thou make an Implement of me ? Slid the Boy takes me for a peice of Prospectiue ( I holde my life ) or some silke Curtine , come to hang the Stage here : Sir Crack● I am none of your fresh Pictures , that vse to beautifie the decay'd dead Arras , in a publique Theater . 2. T is a signe Sir , you put not that Confidence in your good Clothes , and your better Face , that a Gentleman should do Sir. But I pray you Sir , let me be a Sutor to you , that you will quit our Stage then , and take a Place , the Play is instantly to begin . 3. Most willingly my good wag : but I would speake with your Author , where 's he ? 2. Not this way , I assure you Sir , we are not so officiously befriended by him , as to haue his Presence in the Tiring-house , to prompt vs aloud , stampe at the Booke-holder , sweare for our Properties , curs●e the poore Tire-man , rayle the Musique ●ut of tune , and sweat for euery veniall trespasse we commit , as some Author would , if he had such ●ine Ingles as we : well , 't is but our hard Fortune . 3. Nay Crack be not dishartned . 2. Not I Sir : but if you please to conferre with our Author by Attorney , you may Sir : our proper selfe here stands for him . 3. Tro●h , I haue no such serious affayre to negotiate with him ; but what may very safely be turn'd vpon thy trust : It is in the generall behalfe of this fayre Society here , that I am to speake ; at least the more iudicious part of it : which seemes much distasted with the immodest and obsce●e writing of many , in their Playes . Besides , they could wish , your Poets would leaue to be Promooters of other mens Iests ; and to way-lay all the stale Apophthegmes , or old Bookes , they can heare of ( in Print or otherwise ) to farce their Scenes withall : That they would not so penuriously gleane wit , from euery Landresse , or Hackney-man ; or deriue their best grace ( with seruile Imitation ) from Cōmon Stages , or Obseruation of the Company , they conuerse with ; as if their Inuention liu'd wholy vpon another mans Trencher . Againe ; that feeding their friends with nothing of their owne , but what they haue twise , or thrise Cook'd ) they should not wantonly giue out , how soone they had drest it ; nor how many Coaches came to cary away the broken-meate , besides Hobby-horses and Foote● cloth Nags . 2. So Sir , this is all the Reformation you seeke ? 3. It is : do not you thinke it necessary to be practisd , my little wag ? 2. Yes ; where there is any such ill●habited Custome receiu'd . 3. O , I had almost forgot it too : they say , the Vmbrae , or Ghosts of some three or foure Playes , departed a dozen yeares since , haue been se●ne walking on your Stage here ; Take heed Boy , if your House be haunted with such Hob-goblins ▪ 't will fright away all your Spectators quickly . 2. Good Sir. But what will you say now , if a Poet ( vntoucht with any breath of this disease ) finde Gods Tokens vpon you , that are of the Auditory ? As some one Ciuet - Wit among you , that knowes no other Learning , then the price of Satten and Veluets ; nor other Perfection , then the wearing of a Neate Sute ; & yet will censure as desperately as the most profest Critique in the house : presuming , his Cloathes should beare him out in 't . Another ( whome it hath pleas'd Nature to furnish with more Beard , then Brayne ) prunes his Mustaccio ; lispes ; and ( with some score of affected Oathes ) sweares downe all that sit about him ; That the olde Hieronimo , ( as it was first acted ) was the onely best , and Iudiciously-pend Play , of Europe . A thirde great-bellied Iugler talkes of twenty yeares since , and when Monsieur was here ; and would enforce all Witte to be of that fashion , because his Doublet is still so . A fourth mis-calles all by the name of Fustian , that his grounded Capacity cannot aspire too . A fifth only shakes his Bottle Head , and out of his Corky Braine , squeezeth out a pittifull-learned Face , and is silent . 3. By my Faith , Iack , you haue put me downe : I would I knew how to get off with any indifferent Grace : Here take your Cloake , and promise some satisfaction in your Prologue , or ( I le be sworne ) we haue ward all . Exit . 2. Tut feare not Sall : this will neuer distaste a true Sence . Be not ●ut , and good inough : I would thou hadst some Sugar Candyed , to Sweeten thy Mouth . Exit . Prologus . IF gratious silence , sweete Attention , Quick sight , and quicker apprehension , ( The lights of iudgmēts throne ) shine any wher ; Our doubtful author hopes , this is their Sphaere And therefore opens he himselfe to those , To other weaker Beames , his labors close ; As loathe to prostitute their virgin straine , To euery vulgar , and adulterate braine . In this alone , his Muse her sweetnesse hath , She shuns the print of any beaten path ; And prooues new wayes to come to learned eares : Pied ignorance she neither loues . nor feares . Nor hunts she after popular applause , Or fomy praise , that drops from common Iawes ; The garland that she weares , their hands must twine , Who can both censure , vnderstand , define What Merrit is : Then cast those piercing rayes , Round as a crowne , insteed of honor'd Bayes , About his Poesie ; which ( he knowes ) affoords , Words aboue Action : matter , aboue wordes . Exit . Actus Primus , Scena prima . Cupid . Mercurie . WHo goes there ? Mer. T is I , blinde Archer . Cup. Who ? Mercurie ? Mer. I. Cup. Farewell . Mer. Stay Cupid . Cup. Not in your company Hermes , except your hands were riueted at your backe . Mer. Why so my little Rouer ? Cup. Because I know , you ha' not a finger , but is as long as my quiuer , ( cousin Mercurie , ) when you please to extend it . Mer. Whence deriue you this speach Boy ? Cup. O! t is your best policie to be Ignorant : you did neuer steale Mars his sworde out of the sheath ; you ? nor Neptunes Trident ; nor Apolloes Bowe ; no , not you ? Alasse your palmes ( Iupiter knowes ) they are as tender as the foote of a foundred Nag , or a Ladies face new Mercuried ; they le touch nothing . Mer. Go to ( Infant ) you le be daring still . Cup. Daring ? O Ianus , what a word is there ? why my light fether-heeld Cousse , what are you , any more then my vncle Ioues Pandar , a Lackey that runs on errands for him , and can whisper a light message to a loose wenche with some round volubility , waite at a table with a Trencher , and warble vpon a Crowde a little ; One that sweepes the Gods drinking roome euery morning , and sets the Cushions in order againe which they threw one at anothers head ouernight ? Heere 's the Catalogue of all your Imploiments now . O no , I erre : you haue the Marshalling of all the Ghostes too , that passe the Stigian ferry ; and I suspect you for a share with the olde Sculler there , if the truth were knowne ; but let that scape : one other peculiar vertue you possesse ▪ in lifting or Lieger-du-maine ( which few of the house of Heauen haue else besides ) I must confesse ; But ( me thinks ) that should not make you set such an extream distance twixt your selfe and others , that we should be said too ouer-dare in speaking to your nimble Deity : So Hercules might challenge a priority of vs both , because he can throw the Barre farther ▪ or lift more Ioyndstooles at the armes end then we . If this might carry it ; then we ( who haue made the whole body of Diuinity tremble at the twange of our Bowe , and inforste Saturnius himselfe to lay● by his curld front , Thunder , and three forkd-fiers , and put on a Masking sute , too light for a reueller of eighteene to be seene in — Mercu. How now my dancing Braggart in Decimo sexto ? charme your skipping toung , or I le — Cup. What ? vse the vertue of your Snakie Tipstaffe there vpon vs ? Mer. No Boy , but the stretcht vigor of mine arme about your eares ; you haue forgot since I tooke your heeles vp into ayre , ( on the very hower I was borne ) in sight of all the benche of Deities , when the siluer roofe of the Olympian Pallace rung againe with the applause of the fact . Cup. O no , I remember it freshly , and by a particular instance ; for my mother Venus ( at the same time ) but stoupt to imbrace you , and ( to speake by Metaphore ) you borrowed a Girdle of hers , as you did Ioues Scepter ( while he was laughing ) and would haue doone his thunder too , but that , t was too hote for your itching fingers . Mer. T is well sir. Cup. I heard you but lookt in at Vulcans Forge the other day , and intreated a paire of his newe Tongs along with you for company : T is ioy on you ( I faith ) that you will keepe your hook'd tallons in practise with any thing . Slight , now you are on earth , we shall haue you filche Spoones and Candlesticks rather then faile : pray Ioue the perfum'd Courtiers keepe their Casting-bottles , Pick-toothes , and Shittle-cockes from you , or our more ordinary Gallants their Tabaco-boxes , for I am strangely iealous of your nayles . Mer. Nere trust me Cupid , but you are turnd a most acut● gallant of late , the edge of my wit is cleere taken off with the fine and subtile stroake of your thin-ground toung , you fight with too poinant a phrase , for me to deale with . Cup. O Hermes , your craft cannot make me confident , I know my owne steele to be almost spent , and therefore intreate my peace with you in time : you are too cunning for me to incounter at length , and I thinke it my safest warde to close . Mer. Well for once , I le suffer you to come within me wag , but vse not these straines too often , thei●e stretch my patience . Whether might you marche now ? Cup. Faith ( to recouer thy good thoughts ) I le discouer my whole proiect . The Huntresse and queene of these groues , Diana ( in regarde of some black and ●nuious slaunders howerly breathd against her for her deuine iustice on Acteon as shee pretēds ) hath here in the vale of Gargaphy proclaimd a solemne reuels , which she will grace with the full and royall expence of one of her cleerest moones : In which time it shall be lawfull for all sorts of ingenuous persons , to visit● her pallace , to court her Nimphes , to exerci●e all varietie of generous and noble pastimes , as well to intimate how farre she treads such malitious imputations beneath her , as also to shew how cleere her beauties are from the least wrinckle of Austerity , they may be chardgd with . Mer. But what is all this to Cupid ? Cup. Here do I meane to put off the title of a God , and take the habite of a Page , in which disguise ( during the Interim of these reuels ) I will get to follow some one of Dianas maides , where ( if my bowe holde , and my shafts flye but with halfe the willingnesse and ayme they are directed ) I doubt not but I shall really redeeme the minutes I haue lost by their so long and ouer-nice proscription of my Deity , from their court . Mer. Pursue it ( druine Cupid ) it will be rare . Cup. But will Hermes second me . Mer. I am now to put in act an especiall designement from ●y father Ioue , but that performd , I am for any fresh action that offers it selfe . Exit . Cup. Well then we part . Mer. Farewell good wag , Now to my charge , Eccho , faire Eccho speake , T is Mercurie that calles thee ; ●orrowfull Nimphe : Salute me with thy repercussi●e voyce , That I may know what cauerne of the earth , Containes thy ayery spirit : how , or where , I may direct my speech , that thou maist heare , SCENA . 2. Echo , Mercury . Echo . Here. Mer. So nigh . Echo . I. Mer. Know ( gentle soule ) then , I am sent from Iou● , Who ( pittying the sad burthen of thy woes , Still growing on thee , in thy want of wordes ▪ To vent thy passion for Narcissus death ) Commaunds that now ( after three thousand yeares , Which haue bin excercisde in Iunoes spight , ) Thou take a corporall figure and ascend , Enricht with vocall , and articulate power , Make haste sad Nymph : thrise doth my winged rod , Strike th ' obsequious earth to giue thee way , Arise , and speake thy sorrowes , Eccho rise , Heere , by this Fountaine where thy loue did pine , Whose memory liues fresh to vulgar fame , Sh●in'd in this yellow flower , that beares his name Ech. His name reuiues and lifts me vp from earth . Ascendit O which way shall I first conuert my selfe ? Or in what moode shall I assay to speake , That ( in a moment ) I may be deliuered , Of the prodigions griefe I go with all ? Se● , see , the morning fount whose spring weepes yet , Th' vntimely fate of that too-beauteous boy , That Trophaee of selfe loue , and spoile of nature , Who ( now transformd into this drooping flower ) Hangs the repentant head , back , from the streame ; As if it wish'd : Would I had neuer lookt , In such a flattering mirror . O Narcissus , Thou that wast once ( and yet art ) my Narcissus , Had Eccho but beene priuate with thy thoughtes , She would haue dropt away her selfe in teares , Till she had all turn'd water ; that in her , ( As in a truer glasse ) thou mighst haue gaz'd , And seene thy beauties by more kinde reflection : But Selfe loue neuer yet could looke on trueth , but with blear'd beames ; Slieke flatterie and she : Are twin-borne sisters , and so mixe their eyes , As if you seuer one , the other dies . Why did the Gods giue thee a heauenly forme , And earthy thoughtes to make thee proude of it ? Why do I aske ? t is now the knowne disease That beautie hath , to beare to deepe a sence , Of her owne selfe-conceiued excellence . O hadst thou knowne the worth of heauens rich guift , Thou would'st haue turn'd it to a truer vse , And not ( with leane and couetous ignorance ) Pin'd in continuall eying that bright Gem , The glance whereof to others had bine more , Then to thy famisht minde the wide worldes store ; " So wretched is it to be meerely ritch : Witnes thy youths deare sweetes , here spent vntasted ; Like a faire Taper , with his owne flame wasted . Mer. Eccho be briefe , Saturnia is abroad ; And if she heare , shee le storme at Ioues high will : Eccho . I will ( kinde Mercury ) be briefe as time , Vouchsafe me I may do him these last Rites , But kis●e his flower , and sing some mourning straine : Ouer his watry hearse . Mer. Thou dost obtaine , I were no sonne to loue shoulde I denie thee ; Beginne , and ( more to grace thy cunning voyce ) The humourous ayre shall mixe her solemne tunes , With thy sad wordes : strike Musique from the spheares , And with your golden raptures swell our eares . Cant. SLow , Slow Fresh fount , keepe time with my salt teares ; yet flower , yet , o faintly gentle springs ; List to the heauy part the Musique beares , " Woe weepes out her diuision when she sings ▪ Droope hearbes , and flowers , fall griefe in showers ; " Our beauties are not ours : O I could still ( Like melting snow vpon some craggy hill , ) drop , drop , drop , drop , Since Natures pride , is now awither'd Daffadill . Mer. Now ha' you done ? Eccho . Done presently ( good Hermes ) bide a little ; Suffer my thirsty eye to gaze a while , But eene to tast the place , and I am vanisht : Mer. Forgoe thy vse and libertie of tongue , And thou maist dwell on earth , and sport thee there ; Eccho . Here young Action ●ell , pursu'd , and torne By Cynthi●s wrath ( more egar then his houndes ; ) And here , ( ay me the place is fatall ) see , The weeping Niobe , translated hether From P●rygian mountaines : and by Phaebe rear'd As the proude Trophaee of her sharpe reuenge . Mer. Nay but here ▪ Ech. But here , oh here , the Fountaine of selfe loue : In which Latona , and her carelesse Nimphes , ( Regardles of my sorrowes ) bath themselues , In hourely pleasures . Mer. Stint thy babling tongue ; Fond Echo , thou prophanst the grace is done thee : So idle worldlings ( meerely made of voyce : ) Censure the powers aboue them . Come away , Ioue calls thee hence , and his will brookes no stay . Ech. O stay : I haue but one poore thought to clothe , In ayery garments and then ( faith ) I go : Henceforth , thou treacherous , and murthering spring , Be euer cald the Fountaine of selfe loue : And with thy water let this curse remaine , ( As an inseperate plague ) that who but tastes , A droppe thereof , may ( with the instant touch ) Grow dotingly enamour'd on themselues . Now Hermes I haue finish'd . Mer. Then thy speach , Must here forsake thee Echo , and thy voyce : ( As it was wount ) rebound but the last wordes , Fare well . Echo . Well . Exit . Now Cupid I am for you , and your mirth , To make me light before I leaue the earth . SCENA . 3. Amorphus . Echo . Mercury . Amo. Deare sparke of beauty make not so fast away : Echo . Away . Mer. Stay let me obserue this portent yet . Amo. I am neither your Minotaure , nor your Centaure , nor your Satyre , nor your Hyaena , nor your Babion , but your meere traueler , beleeue me : Echo . Leaue me . Mer. I gest it should be some trauelling Motion pursu'de Eccho so . Amo. Know you from whom you flye ? or whence ? Echo . Hence . Exit . Amo. This is somewhat aboue strange : a Nimphe of her feature and ●ineament to be so preposterously rude ; well ; I will but coole my selfe at yon' Spring and follow her . Mer. Nay then I am familiar with the issue ; I le leaue you too . Exit . Amo. I am a Rhinoceros , if I had thought a creature of her Symmetry would haue dard so improportionable and abrupte a digression . Liberall and deuine Founte , suffer my prophan● hand to take of thy bounties . By the puritie of my taste , heere is most Ambrosiack water ; I will sup of it againe . By thy fauor sweete Founte . See , the water ( a more running , subtile , and humorous Nimphe then shee ) permits me to touche , and handle her : what should I inferre ? If my behauiours had beene of a cheape , or customary garbe ; my Accent , or phrase , vulgar ; my Garmēts trite ; my Countenance illiterate ; or vnpractizd in the encounter of a beautifull and braue-attirde Peice , then I might ( with some change of coullor ) haue suspected my faculties : but ( knowing my selfe an Essence so sublimated , and refin'de by Trauaile ; of so studied , and well exercisde a gesture ; so alone in fashion , able to make the face of any States-man liuing , and to speake the meere extraction of language ; One that hath now made the sixth returne vpon venter ; and was your first that euer enricht his countrey with the true laws of the Duello ; whose Optiques haue drunke the spirit of beauty , in some eight score and eighteene Princes Courts , where I haue resided , and bin there fortunate in the Amours of three hundred , fortie , and fiue Ladies ( all nobly discended ) whose names I haue in Catalogue : to conclude ; in all so happy , as euen Admiration her selfe dooth seeme to fasten her kisses vpon me : Certes I do neither see , nor feele , nor taste , nor fauor , the least steame , or fume of a reason , that should inuite this foolish fastidious Nymph so peeuishly to abandon me : well let the memory of her fleete into Ayre ; my thoughts and I am for this other Element , water . SCENA . 4. Criticus . Asotus . Amorphus . Crit. What ? the well-dieted Amorphus become a Water-drinker ? I see he meanes not to write verses then . Asot. No Criticus ? why ? Crit. Quia nulla placere diu ▪ nec viuere carmina possunt , quae scribuntur aquae po●oribus . Amor. What say you to your Helicon ? Crit. O , the Muses , well ! that 's euer excepted . Amor. Sir , your Muses haue no such water I assure you ; your Nectar , or the Iuice of your Nepenthe is nothing to it ; t is aboue your Metheglin , beleeue it . Asot. Metheglin ! what 's that Sir ? may I be so Audacious to demaund ? Amo. A kinde of Greeke Wine I haue met with Sir in my Trauailes : it is the same that Demosthenes vsually drunke , in the composure of all his exquisite and Mellifluous Orations . Crit. That 's to be argued , ( Amorphus ) if wee may credit Lucian , who in his ( Enicomium Demosthenis ) affirmes , he neuer drunke but water in any of his Compositions . Amo. Lucian is absurde , he knew nothing : I will beleeue my owne Trauels , before all the Lucians of Europe ; he doth feed you with fictions , and leasings . Crit. Indeed ( I thinke ) next a Traueller he do's prettily well . Amo. I assure you it was Wine , I haue tasted it , and from the hand of an Italian Antiquary , who deriues it authentically from the Duke of Ferrara's Bottles . How name you the Gentleman you are in ranke with there , Sir ? Crit. T is Asotus , sonne to the late deceased Philargyrus the Cittizen . Amorphus . Was his Father of any eminent place , or meanes ? Crit. He was to haue bin Praetor next yeare . Amo. Ha! A pretty formall young Gallant ( in good soothe ) pitty , hee is not more gentilely propagated . Heark● you Criticus : you may say to him what I am , if you please ; though I affect not popularity , yet I would be lothe to stand out to any , whome you shall voutchsafe to call friend . Crit. Sir , I feare I may doe wrong to your sufficiencies in the reporting them , by forgetting or misplacing some one ; your selfe can best enforme him of your selfe Sir , except you had some Catalogue or Inuentory of your faculties readye drawne , which you would request me to shew him for you , and him to take notice of . Amo. This Criti●us is sower : I will thinke Sir. Crit. Doe so Sir. O heauen , that any thing ( in the likenesse of man ) should suffer these rackt extremities , for the vttring of his Sophisticate good parts . Asot. Criticus , I haue a sute to you ; but you must not denie me : pray you make this Gentleman and I friends . Crit. Friends ! Why ? is there any difference betweene you ? Asotus . No : I meane acquaintance , to knowe one another . Crit. O now I apprehend you ; your phrase was without me before . Asot. In good faith hee 's a most excellent rare man I warrant him . Crit. Slight , they are mutually enamor'd by this time . Asot. Will you sweete Criticus ? Crit. Yes , yes . Asot. Nay , but when ? you le deferre it now , and forget it ? Crit. Why , i st a thing of such present necessity , that it requires so violent a dispatch ? Asot. No , but ( would I might neuer stir ) hee 's a most rauishing man ; good Criticus you shall endeare me to you , in good faith law . Crit. Well your longing shal be satisfied Sir. Asot. And withall , you may tell him what my father was , and how well he left me , and that I am his heire . Crit. Leaue it to me , I le forget none of your deare graces I warrant you . Asot , Nay I know you can better marshall these affaires then I can . — O Gods I l'e giue all the world ( if I had it ) for aboundance of such acquaintance . Crit. What ridiculous circumstance might I deuise now , to bestow this reciprocall brace of Cockscombes , one vpon another ? Amor. Since I troad on this side the Alpes , I was not so frozen in my inuention ; let me see : to accost him with some choise remnant of Spanish , or Italian ? that would indifferently expresse my languages now , mary then , if he should fall out to be Ignorant , it were both hard , and harshe . How else ? step into some discourse of S●ate , and so make my induction ? that were aboue him too ; and out of his element I feare Faine to haue seen him in Venice ? or Padua ? or some face neare his in simillitude ? t is too pointed , and open ▪ No ; it must be a more queint , & collaterall deuise : As — stay ; to frame some encomiastique speach vpon this our Metropolis , or the wise Magistrates thereof , in which pollitique number , t is ods but his father fild vp a rome ? descend into a perticuler admiration of their Iustice ; for the due measuring of Coales , burning of Cans , and such like ? As also their religion , in pulling downe a superstitious Crosse , and aduancing a Venus ; or Priapus , in place of it ? ha ? t will do well . Or to talke of some Hospitall , whose walls record his father a BENEFACTOR ? or of so many Buckets bestowd on his parish church in his life time , with his name at length ( for want of armes ) trickt vpon them ; Any of these ? or to praise the cleanesse of the streete wherein he dwelt , or the prouident painting of his posts against he should haue beene Pretor , or ( leauing his parent ) come to some speciall ornament about him selfe , as his Rapier , or some other of his accoutrements ? I haue it : Thankes gra●ious Minerua . Asot. Would I had but once spoke to him , and then — Amor. T is a most curious and neatly-wrought band this same , as I haue seene Sir. Asot. O God Sir. Amor. You forgiue the humor of mine eye in obseruing it ? Asot. O Lord Sir , there needs no such Apology I assure you . Crit. I am anticipated : they le make a solemne deede of guift of themselues you shall see . Amor Your Rose too do's most grace-fully in troath . Asot. T is the most gentile and receiu'd Weare now Sir. Amor. Beleeue me Sir ( I speake it not to humour you ) I haue not seene a young gentleman ( generally ) put on his cloathes with more iudgement . Asot. O , t is your pleasure to say so , Sir. Amor. No , as I am vertuous ( being altogether vntrauel'd ) it strikes me into wonder . Asot. I do purpose to trauell ( Sir ) at Spring : Amor. I thinke I shall affect you sir , this last speach of yours hath begun to make you deare to me . Asot. O God Sir , I would there were anything in me Sir , that might appeare worthy the least worthines of your woorth Sir , I protest Sir , I should endeuour to shew it Sir , with more then common regarde Sir. Crit. O here 's rare Motley , Sir. Amor. Both your desert , and your endeuors are plentifull , suspect them not : but your sweete disposition to trauaile ( I assure you ) hath made you another My-selfe in mine eye , and strooke me enamour'd on your beauties . Asot. I would I were the fairest Lady of Fraunce for your sake Sir , and yet I would trauaile too . Amor ▪ O you should digresse from your selfe els : for ( beleeue it ) your Trauaile is your onely thing that rectifies , or ( as the Italian sayes ) virendi pronto all' Attioni , makes you fit for Action . Asot. I thinke it be great charge though Sir. Amor. Charge ? why t is nothing for a gentleman that goes priuate , as your selfe , or so ; my Intelligence shall quitt my charge at all times : Good faith this Hat hath possest mine eye exceedingly ; t is so prettie , and fantastique ; what ? i st a Beauer . Asot. I Sir. I le assure you t is a Beauer , it cost me six crownes but this morning . Amor. A very prettie fashion ( beleeue me ) and a most nouel kinde of trimme : your Button is conceipted too . Asot. Sir , it is all at your seruice . Amor. O pardon me . Asot. I beseech you Sir , if you please to weare it you shall do me a most infinite grace . Crit. Slight , will he be praisde out of his cloathes ? Asot. By heauen Sir , I do not offer it you after the Italian manner ; I would you should conceiue so of me . Amor. Sir , I shall feare to appeare rude in denying your curte●ies , especially being inuited by so proper a distinction ; may I pray your name Sir. Asot. My name is Asotus Sir. Amor. I take your loue ( gentle Asotus ) but let me winne you to receiue this in exchange . — Crit. ' Hart , thei le change dublets anone . Amor. And ( from this time ) esteeme your selfe in the first ranke of those few whom I professe to loue ; what make you in company of this scholle● here ? I will bring you knowne to gallants as Anaides , Hedon the courtier , and others , whose societie shall render you grac'de , and respected ; this is atriuiall fellow , too meane , too coarse for you to conuerse with . Asot. Slid , this is not worth a crowne , and minecost me six but this morning . Crit. I lookt when he would repent him , he ha's beg●nne to be sad a good while . Amor. Sir , shall I say to you for that Hat ? be not so sad , be not so sad ; t is a Relique I could not so easily haue departed with , but as the Hierogliphick of my affection ; you shall alter it to what forme you please , it will take any block ; I haue varied it my selfe to the three thousandth time , and not so few : It hath these vertues beside ; your head shall not ak● vnder it ; nor your braine leaue you , without licence ; It will preserue your comple●ion to eternitie ; for no beame of the Sunne ( should you weare it vnder Zona Torrida ) hath force to approch it by two ells . T is proofe against thunder , and enchantment : and was giuen me by a great man ( in Russia ) as an especially-priz'd present ; and constantly affirm'd to be the hat that acompanied the politique Vlisses , in his tedious , and ten yeares Trauailes . Asot. By Ioue I will not depart withall , whosoeuer woulde giue me a Million . SCENA . 5. Cos. Prosaites . Criticus . Amorphus . Asotus . Cos. Saue you sweete bloods : do's any of you want a creature , or a dependant ? Crit. Be-shrow me a fine blunt slaue . Amor. A page of good timber ; it will now be my grace to entertaine him first , though I casheere him againe in priuate : how art thou call'd ? Cos. Cos Sir , Cos. Crit. Cos ? How happely hath Fortune furnisht him with a Whetstone ? Amor. I do entertaine you Cos : conceale your quality till we be priuate ; if your parts be worthy of me , I wil countenance you ; if not , catechize you ; Gentles shall we go ? Asot. Stay Sir ; I le but entertaine this other fellow , and then — I haue a great humour to tast of this water too , but I le come againe alone for that marke the place ; what 's your name , youth ? Pros. Prosaites ? Sir. Asot. Prosaites ? A very fine name Criticus ? i st not ? Crit. Yes , and a very ancient Sir , the Begger ; Exeunt . Asot. Follow me good Prosaites : Le ts talke . Crit. He will ranke euen with you ( ere 't be long ) If you hold on your course : O vanity , How are thy painted beauties doated on , By light , and empty Ideots ? how pursu'de With open , and extended appetite ? How they do sweate , and run themselues from breath , Raisd on their toes , to catch thy ayery formes , Still turning giddy , till they reele like drunkards , That buy the merry madnesse of one hower , With the long irksomnesse of following time ? O how dispisde , and base a thing is Man , If he not striue t' erect his groueling thoughts Aboue the straine of flesh . ' But how more cheap● When , euen his best and vnderstanding part , ( The crowne , and strength of all his faculties ) Floates like a dead drown'd body , on the streame Of vulgar humor , mixt with commonst dregs ? I suffer for their guilt now , and my Soule ( Like one that lookes on ill affected eyes ) Is hurt with meere Intention on their follies : Why will I view them then ? my Sence might aske me : Or i st a Rarity , or some new Obiect , That straines my strict obseruance to this point ? O would it were , therein I could afforde My Spirit should draw a little neere to theirs , To gaze on nouelties : so Vice were one . Tut , she is stale , ranke , foule , and were it not That those ( that wooe her ) greete her with lockt eyes ( In spight of all the Impostures , paintings , drugs , Which her bawde Custome daubes her cheekes withall ) She would betray her loath'd and leprous face , And fright th' enamor'd dotards from themselues : But such is the peruersnesse of our nature , That if we once but fancy leuity , ( How antique and ridiculous so ere It sute with vs ) yet will our muffled thought Choose rather not to see it , then auoyde it : And if we can but banish our owne sence , We ac●e ou● Mimick tricks with that free licence , That lust , that pleasure , that security , As if we practiz'd in a Past-boord case , And no one saw the Motion , but the Motion . Well , check thy passion , least it grow too lowde : ●While fooles are pittied , they wax fat , and prowde . Exit . Finis Actus Primi . ACTVS SECVNDVS . SCENA . 1. Cupid . Mercury . Cup. Why this was most vnexpectedly followed ( my deuine delicate Mercury ) by the Beard of Ioue , thou art a pretious Deity . Mer. Nay Cupid leaue to speake improperly ; since we are turn'd cracks , le ts study to be like cracks : practise their language , and behauiours , and not with a dead Imitation . Acte freely , carelesly , and capricciously , as if our veines ranne with Quick-siluer , and not vtter a phrase , but what shall come foorth steept in the very brine of conceipt , and sparkle like salt in fire . Cup. That 's not euery ones happinesse ( Hermes ) though you can presume vpon the ●asinesse and dexterity of your wit , you shall giue me leaue to be a little Iealous of mine ; and not desperately to hazard it after your capring humor . Mer. Nay then Cupid , I thinke we must haue you hoodwinckt againe , for you are growne too prouident , since your eyes were at liberty . Cup. Not so ( Mercury ) I am still blinde Cupid to thee : Mer. And what to the Lady Nimph you serue ? Cup. Troath Page , Boy , and Sirha : these are all my titles . Mer. Then thou hast not altered thy name with thy disguise . ' Cup. O No , that had bin Supererogation , you shall neuer heare your Courtier call but by one of these three . Mer. Faith then both our Fortunes are the same . Cup. Why ? what parcell of man hast thou lighted on for a Maister ? Mer. Such a one ( as before I begin to decipher him ) I dare not affirme him to be any thing else then a Courtier . So much he is , during this open time of Reuels , & would be longer , but that his meanes are to leaue him shortly after : his name is Hedon , a gallant wholy consecrated to his pleasures . — Cup. Hedon ? he vses much to my Ladies chamber , I thinke . Mer. How is she cal'd , and then I can shew thee ? Cup. Madame Philautia . Mer. O I , he affects her very particulerly indeed . These are his graces . he doth ( besides me ) keepe a Barbar , and a Monkey : He has a ri●ch wrought Waste-coate to intertaine his vis●tants in , with a Cap almost sutable : His Curtaines and Bedding are thought to be his owne ; his bathing Tub is not suspected . He loues to haue a F●ncer , a Pedant , and a Musitian seene in his lodging a mornings . Cup. And not a Poet ? Mer. Fye no : himselfe is a Rimer , and that 's a thought better than a Po●t : he is not lightly within to his Mercer , no , though he come when he takes Phisique , which is commonly after his play . He beates a Tayler very well , but a Stocking-seller admirably ; and so consequently any one he owes money too , that dares not resist him . He neuer makes generall inuitement , but against the publishing of a new Sute , mary then , you shall haue more drawne to his lodging , then come to the launching of some three ships ; especially if he be fur●ishd with supplies for the retiring of his olde Ward-robe from pawne ; if not , he do's hire a stock of Apparell , and some forty or fiftie pound in Gould for that forenoone to shew : Hee 's thought a very necessary Perfume for the Presence , and for that onely cause welcome thither : six Millaners shops affoorde you not the like sent . He courts Ladies with how many great Horse he hath rid that morning , or how o●t he has done the whole , or the halfe Pommado in a seuen-night before ; and sometime ve●ters so far vpon the vertue of his Pomander , that he dares tell 'hem , how many shirts he has sweat at Tennis that weeke ▪ but wiselye conceales so many dozen of Balls he is on the score . Here he comes that is all this . SCENA . 2. Hedon . Anaides . Gelaia . Cupid . Mercurie . Hedon . Boy . Mercu. Sir. Hedon . Are any of the Ladies in the Presence ? Mer. None yet Sir. Hedon . Giue me some Gold , More . Ana. Is that thy Boy Hedon ? Hedo. I , what thinkst thou of him ? Ana. Shart , I l'd gelde him ; I warrant he has the Philosophers stone . Hed. Well said my good Melancholy diuell : Sirah , I haue deuisde one or two of the pretiest Oathes ( this morning in my bed ) as euer thou heardst , to protest withall in the Presence . Ana. Pray thee lets heere'hem . Hed. Soft thou lt vse'hem afore me . Ana. No ( damne me then ) I haue more oathes then I know how to vtter , by this ayre . Hed. Faith'one is ; By the tip of your ●are , Sweete Lady , Is 't not pretty , and Gentile ? Ana. Yes for the person 't is applyed to , a Lady . It should be light , and — Hed. Nay the other is better , exceeds it much : The Inuention is farder fet too ; By the while valley that lyes betweene the Alpine hills of your bosome , I protest — &c. Ana. Well , you traueld for that Hedon . Mer. I , in a Map , where his eyes were but blind guides to his vnderstanding it seemes . Hed. And then I haue a Salutatiō wil nick all ; by this Caper : ho● Ana. How is that ? Hed. You know I cal Madā Philautia , my Honor , & she cals me her Ambitiō . Now ( when I meet her in the Presence anon ) I wil come to her , and say , Sweete Honor , I haue hitherto con●ented my Sence with the Lillies of your hand ; but now I will taste the Roses of your lip ; and ( withall ) kisse her : to which she cannot but blushingly answeare : Nay now you are too Ambitious , And then do I reply ; I cannot be too Ambitious of Honour , sweete Lady . Wilt not be good ? ha ? ha ? Ana. O Assure your ●oule . Hed. By heauen I thinke 't will be excellent , and a very politique atchiuement of a kisse . Ana. I haue thought vpon one for Moria of a suddaine too if it take . Hed. What i st , my deare mischiefe ? Ana. Mary , I will come to her , ( and she alwayes weares a Muffe if you be remembred ) and I will tell her : Madame your whole selfe cannot but be perfectly wise : for your hands haue witte enough to keepe themselues warme . Hed. Now ( before Ioue ) admirable : looke , thy Page takes it too , by Phoebus , my sweete facetious Rascall , I could eate Water-gruell with thee a month , for this Iest , O my deare Rogue . Ana. O ( by Hercules ) 't is your onely dish , aboue all your Potatos , or Oyster-pyes in the world . Hed. I haue ruminated vpon a most rare Wish too , and the Prophecy to it , but I le haue some friend to be the Prophet ; As thus : I do wish my selfe one of my Mistris Ciopino's . Another demaunds : Why would he be one of his Mistris Ciopinos ? A third answeres , Because he would make her higher . A fourth shall say , That will make her proud . And a fifth shall conclude : Then do I prophesie , Pride will haue a fall : and he shall giue it her . Ana. I le be your Prophet ▪ By gods so , it will be most exquisite , th●● art a fine Inuentious Rogue , Sirah . Hed. Nay and I haue Posies for Rings too , and Riddles , that they dreame not of . Ana. Tut thei le do that , when they come to sleep on thē time enough ; but were thy deuises neuer in the Presence yet Hedon ? Hed. O no , I disdaine that . Ana. T were good we went afore then , & brought th● acquainted with the roome where they shall act , least the strangenes of it put them out of countenance , when they should come forth . Exeunt . Cup. Is that a Courtier too . Mer. Troth no ; he has two essentiall parts of the Courtier , Pride and Ignorance ( I meane of such a Courtier , who is ( indeed ) but the Za●i to an exact Courtier ) mary , the rest come somwhat after the Ordinary Gallant . T is Impudence it selfe Anaides ; one , that speakes all that comes in his cheekes , & wil blush no more then a Sackbut . He lightly occupies the Iesters roome at the table , & keeps laughter , Gelai● ( a wench in pages atire ) following him in place of a Squire , whom he ( now & thē ) tickles with some strange ridiculous stuffe , vttered ( as his land came to him ) by chance : He will censure or discourse of any thing , but as absurdly as you would wishe : His fashion is not to take knowledge of him that is beneath him in cloathes ; He neuer drinkes below the Salt : He do's naturally admire his wit , that weares Gold-lace , or Tissue ; Stabs any man that speakes more contemptibly of the Scholler then he . He is a great proficient in all the illiberall Sciences , as Cheating , Drinking , Swaggering , Whoring , and such like ; neuer kneeles , but to pledge Health's nor praies , but for a Pipe of pudding Tabaco . He will blaspheame in his shirt ; The oaths which he vomits at one supper , would maintain a Towne of garrison in good swearing a twelue-moneth : One other genuine quality he has , which crownes all these ; and that is this ; to a Friend in want , he will not depart with the weight of a soldard Groat , least the world might censure him prodigall , or report him a Gull : Mary , to his Cocatrice or Punquetto ; halfe a dozen Taffata gownes or Sattin Kirtles , in a paire or two of moneth 's , why they are nothing . Cup. I commend him he is one of my clients . SCENA . 3. Amorphus , Asotus ; Cos ; Prosaites , Cupid , Mercurie . Amor. Come Sir. You are now within reguarde of the Presence , And see , the priuacie of this roome , how sweetly it offers it offers it selfe to our retir'd intendments , Page , cast a vigilant , and enquiring eye about , that we be not rudely surpris'd , by the aproch of some ruder-stranger . Cos. I warrant you Sir. I le tell you when the Woolfe enters feare nothing . Mer. O what a masse of benefit shall we possesse , in being the inuisible Spectators of this strange shew now to be acted ? Amor Plant your selfe there Sir : And obserue me . You shall now , as well be the Ocular as the Eare-witnesse , how clearely I can refell that Paradox , or rather Pseudodoxe of those , which holde the face to be the Index of the minde , which ( I assure you ) is not so , in any Politique creature ; for Instance , I wil now giue you the particuler , and distinct face of euery your most noted Species of persons ; As your Marchant , your Schol●er , your Soldier , your Lawyer , Courtier , &c. And each of these so truly , as you would sweare ( but that your eye sees the variation of the lineament ) it were my most proper , and Genuine aspect : 〈…〉 for your Marchants , or Citty face ; T is thus : a dull 〈…〉 face ; still looking in a direct line , forward : There is no 〈…〉 matter in this face . Then haue you your Students , or Ac●demique face , which is here , an honest , simple , and Methodicall face ; But somewhat more spread then the former . The third is your Soldiers face : A menacing , and astounding face , that lookes broade , and bigge : the grace of this face consists much in a Beard . The Anti face to this , is your Lawyers face ; a contracted , subtile , and Intricate face : full of quirkes , and turnings ; A Labyrinthaean face , now angularly , now circularly , euery way aspected . Next is your Statists face , a serious , solempne , and supercilious face , ful of formall , and square grauity ▪ the eye ( for the most part ) arteficially and deeply shadow'd , there is great iudgment requir'd in the making of this face . But now to come to your face of faces ; or Courtiers face : t is of three sorts : ( according to our subdiuision of a Courtier ; Elementary , Practique , and Theorique : your Courtier Theorique , is he that hath arriu'd to his fardest , and doth now know the Court rather by speculation , then practise ; & this is his face : A fastidious , and oblique face ; that lookes , as it went with a Vice , and were screw'd thus . Your Courtier Practique is he that is yet in his Path , his Course , his Way , & hath not toucht the Puntillio or point of hopes ; this face is here : A most promising , open , smooth , and ouerflowing face , that seemes as it would runne , and powre it selfe into you ; your Courtier Elementary is one but newly entered , or as it were in the Alphabet Vt-re-mi-fa-sol-la , of Courtship : Note well this face , for it is this you must practise . Asot. I le practise 'hem all , if you please Sir. Amor. I ; here after you may : and it will not be altogether an vngratfull study . For let your soule be assur'd of this ( in any Ranke or profession whatsoeuer ) the most generall , or Maior part of Opiniō , goes with the face , & ( simply ) respects nothing else . Therefore : if that can be made , exactly , curiously , exquisitely , thoroughly , It is enough : But ( for the present ) you shall only apply your selfe to this face of the Elementary Courtier , A light , reuelling , & protesting face , now blushing , now smiling which you may helpe much with a wanton wagging of your head , thus ; ( a feather will teach you ) or with kissing your finger that hath the Ruby , or playing with some string of your band ▪ which is a most quaint kinde of Melancholy besides . Where is your Page ? call for your Casting Bottle , and place your Mirror in your Hat , as I tolde you ; so . Come , looke not pale , obserue me : set your face , and enter , Amor. O for some excellent Painter , to haue ta'●e the copye of all these faces . Aso. Prosaites . Amor. Fie , I premonisht you of that ; In the Court , Boy , or Sirha . Cos. Maister Lupus in — O 't is Prosaites . Asot. Sirha , prepare me my Casting-bottle , I thinke I must be enforst to purchase me another Page , you see how at hand Cos waites heere . Exeunt . Mor. So will he too in time . Cup. What 's he Mercury ? Mer. A notable Finch . One that hath newly entertain'd the Beggar to follow him , but cannot get him to wait neer inough . T is Asotus the heire of Philargirus : but first I le giue you the others Caracter , which may make his the clearer ? He that is with him is Amorphus , A Traueller , One so made out of the mixture and shreds of formes , that himselfe is truely deformed : Hee walkes most commonlye with a Cloue or Picktoothe in his mouth , Hee 's the very Minte of Compl●ment ; All his behauiours are printed , his face is another volume of Essayes ; and his beard an Aristarchus . He speakes all creame , skimd , & more affected then a dozen of waiting women ; Hee 's his owne promooter in euery place : The wife of the Ordinary giues him his diet to maintaine her table in discourse , which ( indeed ) is a meere Tiranny ouer her other guests : for he will vsurp all the talke : Ten Cunstables are not so tedious . He is no great shifter ; once a yeare his Apparell is ready to reuolt ; He doth vse much to arbitrate quarrells , and fights himselfe exceeding well ( out at a window . ) He will lie cheaper then any Begger , and lowder then most Clockes ; for which he is right properly accommodated to the W●etstone his page . The other gallant is his Zani , & doth most of these tricks after him ; sweats to imitate him in euery thing ( to a haire ) except a Beard , which is not yet extant : he doth learne to eat Anchoues , & Caueare because he loues 'hem , speakes as he speakes ; lookes , walkes , goes so in Cloathes and fashion , is in al , as he were moulded of him . Marry ( before they met ) he had other very pretty sufficiencies , which yet he retaines some light Impression of : As frequenting a dauncing schoole , and grieuously torturing strangers , with inquisitiō after his grace in his Galliard ; He buyes a fresh acquaintance at any rate ; his Eye , and his Raiment confer much together as he goes in the street ; He treads nicely , like a fellow that walkes vpon ropes , especially the first Sunday of his Silk-stockings , and when he is most neate and new , you shal stripp him with commendations . Cup. Here comes another . Mer. I , but one of another straine Cupid : This fellow weighs somewhat . Criticus passeth by . Cup. His name Hermes ? Mer. Criticus . A creature of a most perfect and diuine temper ; One , in whom the Humors & Elements are peaceably met , without aemulation of Precedencie : he is neither too fantastickly Melancholy ; too slowly Plegmatick , too lightly Sanguine , or too rashly Cholerick , but m al , so composd and order'd ; as it is cleare , Nature was about some full worke , she did more then make a man when she made him ; His discourse is like his behauiour , vncommon , but not vnpleasing ; he is prodigall of neither : He striues rather to be ( that which men call ) Iudicious , then to be thought so ; and is so truely learned that he affects not to shew it : He wil thinke , & speak his thought , both freely ; but as distant frō deprauing any other mans Merrit , as proclaming his owne : For his valor , t is such , that he dares as little to offer an Iniury , as receiue one . In sum , he hath a most Ingenious and sweet spirit , a sharp and season'd wit , a streight iudgement . and a strong minde ; constant and vnshaken : Fortune could neuer breake him , or make him lesse , he counts it his pleasure to despise pleasures , and is more delighted with good deedes then Goods , It is a competencie to him that he can be vertuous . He doth neither couet , nor feare ; he hath too much reason to do either : and that commends all things to him . Cup. Not better then Mercury commends him . Mer. O Cupid , 't is beyond my deity to giue him his due praises ; I could leaue my Place in heauen , to liue among Mortals , so I were sure to bee no other then he . Cup. Slight , I beleeue he is your Minion ; you seeme to be so rauisht with him . Mer. Hee 's one , I would not haue awry thought darted against willingly . Cup. No , but a straight shaft in his bosome , I le promise him , if I am Cithereas sonne . Mer. Shall we go Cupid ? Cup. Stay and see the Ladies now ; thei le come presently . I le helpe to paint them . Mer. What lay Couller vpon Couler ▪ that affoordes but an ill blazon . Argurion passeth by . Cup. Here comes Mettall to helpe it , the Lady Arg●rion . Mer. Money , money . Cup. The same : A Nimph of a most wandering and giddy disposition , humourous as the Ayre , she 'le run from Gallant to Gallant ( as they sit at Primero in the Presence ) most strangely , and seldome stayes with any ; She spreades as she goes : To day you shall haue her looke as cleare and fresh as the morning and to morrow as Melancholy as midnight . She takes speciall pleasure in a close , obscure lodging , and for that cause visits the Cittie so often , where shee has many secret and true-concealing fauorites . When she comes abroad shee 's more loose and scattering then dust , and will fly from place to place , as she were rapt with a whirle-winde . Your young Student ( for the most part ) she affects not , onely salutes him ▪ and away : A Poet or a Philosopher she is hardly brought to take any notice of , no , though he be some part of an Alchimist . She loues a Player , well ; and a Lawyer infinitly : but your Foole aboue all . She can do much in the Court for the obtaining of any sute whatsoeuer , no doore but flies open to her ; her presence is aboue a Charme : The woorst in her is want of keeping s●ate , and to much descending into inferior and base offices , Shee 's for any course Imployment you wil put vpon her , as to be your Procurer or Pandar . Mercu. Peace Cupid ; heere comes more worke for you , another Caracter or two . SCENA . 4. Phantaste , Moria , Philautia , Mercury , Cupid . Pha. Stay sweete Philautia ; I le but change my fann , and go presently . Mor. Now ( in very good serious ) Ladies , I will haue this order reuerst , the Presence must be better maintained from you ; A quarter past eleuen , & n'ere a Nimph in Prospectiue ; beshrew my hand , there must be a reform'd Discipline . Is that your new Ruffe sweet Lady Bird ? by my truth 't is most Intricately rare . Mer. Good Ioue , what reuerend gentlewoman in yeares might this be ? Cup. This Madam Moria , Guardian of the Nimphs : One that is not now to be perswaded of her Wit , she will thinke herselfe wise against all the Iudgements that come . A Lady made all of voyce , & Ayre , talkes any thing of any thing : She is like one of your Ignorant Po●tasters of the time ; who whe● the haue got acquainted with a strange worde , neuer rest t●ll they haue wronge it in , though it loosen the who●e fabrick of their Sence . Mer. That was pretty and sharply noted Cupid . Cup. She will tell you Philosophy was a fine Reueller , when she was young and a Gallant , and that then ( though she say it ) she was thought to be the Dame-Dido , and Hallen of the Court ; As also , what a sweete Dogge she had this time foure yeere , and how it was call'd Fortune , and that ( if the fates had not cut his thred ) he had beene a Dogge to haue giuen entertainement to any Gallant in this kingdome . Mer. O I pray thee no more , I am full of her . Cupid . Yes ( I must needes tell you ) She composes a Sackpos●et well ; and would court a young Page sweetly , but that her breath is against it . Mer. Now her breath ( or some thing more strong ) protect me from her ; th' other , th' other , Cupid . Cup O , that 's my Lady and Mistris Madam Philautia : She admires not herselfe for any one particularity , but for all ; She is faire , and she knowes it ; She has a pretty light wit too , and she knowes it ; Shee can daunce , and she knowes that too ; play at Shittle-cock , and that too : No quality she has , but she shall take a very particuler knowledge of , and most Lady-like commend it to you ; you shall haue her at any time read you the History of her selfe , and very subtilly runne ouer another Ladies sufficiences to come to her owne . She has a good superficiall iudgement in Painting ; and would seeme to haue so in Poetry . A most compleate Lady in the opinion of some three beside herselfe . Phi. Faith , how lik'd you my quipp to Hedon , about the garter ? wa st not wittie ? Mor. Exceeding witty and Integrate : you did so Aggrauate the Iest withall . Phi. And did I not daunce moouingly last night ? Mor. Moouingly ; out of measure ( in troth ) Sweete Lady . Mor. A happy commendation , to daunce , out of measure . Mor. Saue onely you wanted the swimi the turne ; O! when I was atfourteene — Phi. Nay that 's mine owne from any Nimph i' the Court ) I am sure on 't ) therefore you mistake me in that Guardian ; both the swimme , and the trip , are properly mine ; euery body will affirme it , that has any iudgement in dauncing : I assure you . Pha , Come now Philautia I am for you , shall we goe ? Phi. I good Phantaste ; What ? ha' you chang'd your headtire ? Pha. Yes faith ; th' other was so neare the common , it had no extraordinary grace ; besides , I had worne it almost a● day in good troath . Phi. I le be sworne , this is most excellent for the deuise , and rare . T is after the Italian print we look'd on tother night . Pha. T is so : by this fanne , I cannot abide any thing that sauors the poore ouer-worne cut , that has any kindred with it ; I must haue variety , ● ▪ this mixing in fashion I hate it woorse , then to burne Iuniper in my Chamber I protest . Phi. And yet we cannot haue a new peculiar Court-tyre , but these Retainers will haue it ; these Suburbe sunday-waiters , these Courtiers for High daies , I know not what I should call ' hem . — Pha. O I , they doo most pitifully Imitate ; but I haue a tire a comming ( I faith ) shall — Mor. In good certaine , Madame , it makes you looke most heauenly ; but ( lay your hand on your hart ) you neuer skind a new beauty more prosperously in your life , nor more supernaturally ; looke good Lady , sweet Lady looke . Phi. T is very cleere , and well beleeue me . But if you had seene mine yeasterday when t was young , you would haue — who 's your Doctor Phantaste ? Pha. Nay that 's counsell Philautia , you shall pardon me : yet ( I le assure you ) hee 's the most dainty , sweet , absolute rare man , of the whole Colledge . O! his very lookes , his discourse , his behauiour , all he doo's is Phisick I protest . Phi. For heauens sake his name ; good , deare , Phantaste — Pha. No , no , no , no , no , no , ( beleeue me ) not for a Million of heauens : I will not make him cheape . Fie — Exeunt . Phi. There is a Nymph too of a most curious and elaborate straine , light , all motion , an Vbiquitary , she is euery where , Phantaste — Mer. Her very name speakes her ; let her passe . But are these ( Cupid ) the starres of Cynthias Court ? doe these Nymphs attend vpon Di●na ? Cup. They are in her Court ( Mercury ) but not as Starres ; these neuer come in the presence of Cynthia : the Nimphes that make her traine , are the diuine Arete , Timae , Phronesis , Thauma , and others of that high sort . These are priuately brought in by Moria in this licencious time , against her knowledge ; and ( like so many Meteors ) will vanish when shee appeares . SCENA . 5. Prosaites . Gelaia . Cos. Mercury . Cupid . Pro. Cant. COme follow me my Wagges , and say as I say . There 's no ritches but in Ragges ; hey day , hey day ; You that professe this art . Come away ; come away : And helpe to beare a part . Hey day ; hey day . Beare-wards , & Blackingmē . Corne-cutters , and Carmen . Sellers of mar-king stones . Gatherer's vp o● Marow-bones Pedlers , and Puppit-players . Sow-gelders , and Sooth-saiers . Gipsies and ●aylers , Rat-catchers ▪ and Raylers , Beadles , and Ballad-singers . Fidlers , and Fadingers . Thomalins , and Tinkers . Scauengers , and Skinkers . There goes the Hare away . Hey day , Hey day . Bawds and blinde Doctors . Paritors , and spittle Proctors . Chymists , and Cuttlebungs . Hookers , and Horne-thums . With all cast commaunders . turnd Post-knights , or Pādars . Iuglers , and Iesters . ●eggar● rime . Borrowers of Testers . And all the troope of trash That're allied to the lash , Come , and Ioyne with your ●ags Shake vp your muscle-bags . For Beggary beares the sway , Then singe cast care away , Hey day , hey day . Mer. What ? those that were our fellow Pages but now , so soone prefer'd to be Yeomen of the Bottles ? the mistery , the mistery , good wagges ? Cup. Some dyet drinke , they haue the guard of . Pro. No Sir , we are going in quest of a strange Fountaine , lately found out . Cup. By whome ? Cos. My Maister o● the great discouerer , Amorphus . Mer. Thou ha●● well intitled him Cos , for he will discouer all he knowes . Gelaia . I and a little more too , when the spirit is vpon him . Pro●● . O the good trauelling Gentleman yonder , ha's causd such a drought 〈◊〉 the Presence , wi●h reporting the wonders of this new water ; that all the Ladies , and Gallants ●●e languishing vpon the Rushes , like so many pounded Ca●tle 〈◊〉 the midste of 〈◊〉 , sighing one to another , and gasping , as if each of them expected a Cock from the Fountaine , to be brought into his mouth● and ( without we returne quickly ) they are all ( as a youth would say ) no better then a few Trowts cast a shore , or a dish of Eeles in a Sand-bag . Mer. Wel then , you were best dispatch & haue a care of them , Come Cupid , thou and I le goe peruse this drye wonder . Finis Actus Secundi . ACTVS TERTIVS . SCENA . 1. Amorphus . Asotus . Amor. Sir , let not this discountenance , or dis-gallant you a whit , you must not sinke vnder the first disaster ; It is with your young Grammattical Courtier , as with your Neophyte-Player , a thing vsuall to be daunted at the first presence , or enter-view : you saw , there was Hedon & Anaides , ( far more practisd gallants then your selfe ) who were both out , to comfort you : It is no disgrace , no more , then for your aduenturous Reueller to fall by some in-auspicious chance in his Galliard , or ●or some subtill Politician to vndertake the Bastinado , that the State might thinke worthely of him , and respect him as a man well beaten to the world . What ? hath your Tayler prouided the property ( we spake of ) at your Chamber , or no ? Aso. I thinke he has . Amor. Nay ▪ ( I intreate you ) be not so flat , and melancholique , erect your minde : you shall redeeme this with the Courtship I will teach you against afternoone : Where eate you to day ? Asot. Where you please Sir , any where I. Amor. Come let vs go and taste some light dinner , A dish of she 'd Caueare , or so , and after you shall practise an hower at your lodging , some fewe formes that I haue remembred ; If you had but ( so f●rre ) gathered your spirits to you , as to haue taken vp a Rushe ( when you were out ) and wagd it , thus ; or clensde your tee●h with it , or but turn'de aside , and fa●●de some businesse to whisper with your Page , till you had recouer'd your selfe , or but found some slight staine in your stocking , or any other pretty Inuention ( so it had beene suddaine , ) you might haue come off with a most cleare and Courtly grace . Asot. A poyson of all , I thinke I was forespoake , I. Amor. No , I do partly ayme at the cause ( which was omenous indeed ) for as you enter at the doore , there is oppos'de to you the frame of a Wolfe in the Hangings , which ( your eye taking sodainely ) gaue a false Alarme to the heart ; and that was it call'd your blood out of your face , and so disordred the whole ranke of your spirits : I beseech you labour to forget it . Exeunt . SCENA . 2. Hedon . Anaides . Hed. Heart , was there euer so prosperous an Inuention thus vnluckely peruerted , and spoyld , by a whoore-sonne Book-worme , a Candle-waster ? Ana. Nay , be not impatient , Hedon . Hed. Slight , I would faine know his name . Ana. Hang him poore Grogran Rascall , pr'y thee thinke not of him : I le send for him to my lodging , and ha' him blanketted when thou wilt , man. Hed. By gods so ; I would thou couldst . Looke , here he coms . Laugh at him , laugh at him . Ha , ha , ha . Criticus passeth by . Ana. Fough , he smels all Lamp-oyle , with studying by Candle-light . Hedon . How confidently hee went by vs ; and carelesly ! neuer moou'd ! nor stird at any thing ! Did you obserue him ? Ana. I a poxe on him , let him goe , D●rmouse : hee is in a dreame now ; He has no other time , to sleepe but thus when he walkes abroade , to take the ayre . H●d . Gods pretious , this afflicts me more then all the rest , that we should so particulerly direct our Hate , and Contempt against him ; and he to carry it thus without wound or passion ! t is insufferable . Anai. 'Slid , ( my deare Enuy ) if , thou but saist the word now , I le vndoe him eternally for thee . Hedon . How sweete Anaides ? Anai. Marry halfe a score of vs get him in ( one night ) and make him pawne his wit for a supper . Hed. Away , thou hast such vnseasonable Iests . By this heauen I wonder at nothing more then our Gentlemen Vshers ; that will suffer a piece of Serge , or Perpetuana , to come into the Presence : me thinkes , they , should ( out of their Expe●ience ) better distinguish the silken disposition of a Courtier , then to let such terrible course Rags mixe with 'hem , able to fret any smooth or gentile Society to the threds , with their rubbing Deuises . Ana. Damne me , if I should aduenture on his company once more , without a sute of Buffe , to defend my wit : he do's nothing but stabbe the slaue : how mischeiuously he crost thy deuise of the Prophesie there ? And Moria she comes without her Muffe too ; and there my inuention was lost . Hed. Well , I am resolu'd , what I le do . Ana. What , my good spirituous Sparke ? Hed. Marry , speake all the venome I can of him ; and poyson his reputation in euery place where I come . Ana. 'Fore god most Courtly . Hed. And if I chance to be present where any question is made of his sufficiencies , or of any thing he hath done priuate or publique ; I le censure it slightly , and ridiculously — Ana. At any hand beware of that , so you may draw your owne iudgement , insuspect ; No , I le instruct thee what thou shalt doe , and by a safer meanes : approue any thing thou hear●st of his , to the receiud opinion of it ; but if it be extraordinary , giue it from him to some other , whome thou more particulerly affectst , that 's the waye to plague him , and hee shall neuer come to defend himselfe : Sblood , I le giue out all he do● is dictated from other men : and sweare it too ( if thou 'lt ha' me ) and that I know the time , and place , where he stoale it : though my soule be guilty of no such thing ; and that I thinke out of my hart , he hates such barren shi●ts ; yet to doe thee a pleasure and him a disgrace , I le damne my selfe , or do any thing . Hed. Gramercies my deare Deuill : wee le put it seriouslie in practise , I faith . Exeunt . SCENA . 3. Criticus . Crit. Do good Detraction , do : and I the while Shall shake thy spight off with a carelesse smile . Poore pitteous Gallants , what leane idle sleights Their thoughts suggest to flatter their steru'd Hopes ! As if I knew not how to entertaine These Straw-deuises ; but of fo●ce must yeeld To the weake stroake of their calumnious tongues . Why should I care what euery Dor doth buzze ▪ In credulous eares ? it is a Crowne to me , That the best iudgements can report me wrong'd ; Them Liars ; and their slanders impudent . Perhaps ( vpon the rumor of their speeches ) Some grieued friend will whisper , Criticus , Men speake ill of thee : So they be ill men , If they spake worse , t were better : For of such To be disprais'd , is the most perfect praise . What can his Censure hurt me , whom the world Hath censur'd vile before me ? If good Chre●tus , Euthus , or Phronimus , had spoake the words , They would haue moou'd me ; & I should haue cal'd My thoughts and Actions to a strict accompt Vpon the hearing : But when I remember T is Hedon and Anaides : Alasse , then , I thinke but what they are , and am not stir'd : The one , a light voluptuous Reueller , The other a strange arrogating Puffe , Both impudent , and ignorant enough ; That talke ( as they are wont ) not as I merit ; Traduce by Custome , as most Dogs do barke , Do nothing out of iudgment , but disease ; Speake ill , because they neuer could speake well : And who 'ld be angry with this race of Creatures ? What wise Phisitian haue we euer seene Moou'd with a frantique man ? the same affects That he doth beare to his sicke Patient , Should a right minde carry to such as these : And I do count it a most rare Reuenge , That I can thus ( with such a sweet neglect ) Pluck from them all the pleasure of their Mallice . For that 's the marke of all their enginous drifts , To wound my Patience ( how soe're they seeme To ayme at other obiects ) which if mist , Their Enuy 's like an Arrow shot vpright , That in the fall endangers their owne heads . SCENA . 4. Arete . Criticus . Aret. What Criticus ? where haue you spent the day ▪ You haue not visited your iealous friends ? Crit. Where I haue seene ( most honor'd Arete , ) The strangest Pageant , fashion'd like a Court , ( At least I dreamp't I saw it ) so di●●us'd , So painted , pyed , and full of Raine-bow straines ; As neuer yet ( eyther by Time , or Place ) Was made the foode to my distasted Sence : Nor can my weake imperfect Memory Now render halfe the formes vnto my tongue , That were conuolu'd within this thrifty Roome . Here , stalkes me by , a proud , and spangled Sir , That lookes three handfuls higher then his fore-top ; Sauors himselfe alone , is only kind And louing to himselfe : One that will speake More darke and doubtfull then sixe oracles ; Salutes a friend , as if he had a stitch , Is his owne Chronicle , and scarce can eate For registring himselfe ; is waited on , By Mimiques , Iesters , Pandars , Parasites , And other such like Prodigies of men . He past ; there comes some subtill Proteus : One Can ●hange , and vary with all formes he sees ; Be any thing but honest ; serues the time ; Houers betwixt two factions , and explores The drifts of both ; which ( with crosse face ) he beares To the deuided heads , and is receiu'd With mutuall grace of eyther : One that dares Do deeds worthy the Hurdle , or the Wheele , To be thought some body ; and is ( in sooth ) Such as the Satyrist points truly foorth , Criminibus debent hortos , praetoria , mensas : Aret. You tell vs wonders Criticus . Crit. Tut , this is nothing . There stands a Neophyte , glazing of his face , Against his Idoll enters ; and repeats , ( Like an vnperfect Prologue , at third Musique ) His part of speeches , and confederate Iests In passion to himselfe ; Another sweares His Scene of Courtship ouer , and then seemes As he would kisse away his hand in kindnesse ; A third , is most in Action ; swims , and frisks , Playes with his mistresse paps , salutes her pomps ; Will spend his Patrimonie for a Garter , Or the least fether in he● bounteous Fanne : A fourth , he onely comes in for a Mute , Diuides the Act with a dumbe shew , and Exit , Then must the Ladies laugh : streight comes their Scene ; A sixth times worse Confusion then the Rest. Where you shall heare one talke of this mans Eye ; Another of his Lip , a third , his Nose ; A fourth commend his Leg , a ●ifth his Foote , A sixth his Hand , and euery one a lim ; That you would thinke the poore distorted Gallant Must there expire : Then fall they in discourse Of Tires , and Fashions ; how they must take place : Where they may kisse ; and whom : when to sit down ; And with what grace to rise : if they salute , What curtesie they must vse ; such Cob-web stuffe , As would enforce the commonst sence abhorre Th' Arachnean workers . Aret. Patience Criticus . This knot of Spiders will be soone dissolu'd , And all their webbes swept out of Cynthias Court , When once her glorious Deity appeares , And but presents it selfe in her full light : Till when , goe in : and spend your howers with vs Your honor'd friends Timae , and Phronesis , In contemplation of our Goddesse name : Thinke on some sweet , and choyse Inuention now , ( Worthy her serious , and illustrous Eyes ) That from the merit of it we may take Desier'd occasion to prefer your worth , And make your seruice knowne to Cynthia : It is the pride of Arete to grace Her studious louers ; and ( in scorne of Time , Enuy , and Ignorance ) to lift their state Aboue a vulgar height . True Happinesse Consists not in the multitude of friends , But in the worth , and choyse ; Nor would I haue Vertue , a popular Reguard pursew ; Let them be good that loue me , though but few . Crit. I kisse thy hands , diuinest Arete , And vowe my selfe to thee , and Cynthia . Exeunt . SCENA . 5. Amorphus . Asotus . Amo. A little more forward ; So Sir. Now goe in , dis-cloake your selfe , and come forth . Taylor ; bestow thy absence vpon vs ; and be not prodigall of this secret , but to a deare Customer . T is wel enter'd Sir. Stay you come on too fast ; your Pace is too impetuous . Imagine this to be the Pallace of your Pleasure , or Place where your Lady is pleas'd to be seene : First you present your selfe thus ; and spying her you fall off , and walke some two turnes ; in which time it is to be suppos'd your Passion hath sufficiently whited your Face ? then ( stifling a sigh or two , and closing your lippes ) with a trembling boldnesse , and bolde terror ; you aduance your selfe forward . Try thus much I pray you . Asot. Yes Sir , ( pray god I can light on it ) Here I come in you say : and present my selfe ? Amor. Good. Asot. And then I spy her , and walke off ? Amor. Very good . Asot. Now sir I stif●le , and aduance forward ? Amor. Trembling . Asot. Yes Sir , trembling . I shal do it better when I come to it . And what must I speake now ? Amor. Mary you shall say ; Deare Beauty , or sweete Honor , or by what other title you please to remember her ) me thinkes you are Melancholy . This is if she be alone now and discompanied . Asot. Well Sir , I le enter againe ; her title shall be My deare Lindabrides . Amor. Lindabrides ? Asot. I Sir , the Emperour Alicandro's Daughter , and the Prince M●ridians sister ( in the Knight of the Sunne ) she should haue been married to him , but that the Princesse Clari●iana — Amor. O you betray your reading . Asot. Nay sir , I haue read History : I am a little Humanitian . Interrupt me no● , good Sir. My deare Lindabrides , My deare Lindabrides , My deare Lindabrides , me thinkes you are Melancholy . Amor. I , and take her by the Rosie-fingerd hand . Asot. Must I so ? O : My deare Lindabrides , me thinkes you are Melancholie . Amor. Or thus Sir. All variety of diuine pleasures , choyse sports , sweete Musique , rich Fare , braue Attires , soft Beds , & silken thoughts , attend this deare Beauty . Asot. Beleeue me that 's prerty : All varietie of diuino pleasures , choyse sports , sweet Musique , rich Fare , braue Attires , soft Beds , and silken thoughts , attend this deare Beauty . Amor. And then , offring to kisse her hand , if she shall coyly recoyle , and signifie your repulse ; you are to re-enforce your selfe with , More then most faire Lady ; let not the Rigor of your iust disdaine thus coursly censure of your seruants zeale : and ( with-all ) protest her , To be the onely , and absolute vn-paraeleld Creature , you do adore , aud admire , and respect , and reuerence , in this Court , Corner of the world , or Kingdome . Asot. This is hard by my faith : I le begin it all againe . Amor. Do so , and I will Act it for your Lady . Asot. Will you vouchsafe sir ? All varietie of diuine pleasures , choise Sports , sweete Musique , rich Fare , brau● Attire , soft Beds , and silken thoughts , attend this deare Beauty . Amor. So Sir , pray you a way . Asot. More then most faire Lady , let not the Rigor of your iust disdaine , thus coursly censure of your s●ruants zeale . I protest you are the only and absolute vn-aparailed — Amo. Vn-paraleld . Asot. Vn-paraleld Creature , I do adore , and admire , and respect , and reuerence , in this Court , Corner of the world , or kingdome . Amor. This is if shee abide you : But now ; put case shee should be Passant when you enter , as thus : you are to frame your Gate ther'after , and call vpon her : Lady , Nimph , Sweete Refuge , Starre of our Court : Then if shee be Guardant , here : you are to come on , and ( ●aterally disposing your selfe , ) sweare by her blushing and well coulored cheeke : the bright dye of her hayre , her Iuorie teeth , or some such white and Innocent oath , to induce you . If Reguardant ; then , maintein your station , Briske , and Irpe , shew the supple motion of your plyant body : but ( in chiefe ) of your knee , and hand , which cannot but arride her proude Humor exceedingly . Asot. I conceiue you sir , I shall performe all these things in good time , I doubt not , they do so hit me . Amo. Well Sir , I am your Lady ; make vse of any of these beginnings , or some other out of your owne inuention : and prooue how you can holde vp , and follow it . Say , Say. Asot. Yes Sir : my deare Lindabrides . Amo. No , you affect that Lindabrides too much : And ( let me tell you ) it is not so Courtly . Your Pedant should prouide you some parcels of French , or some pretty Commodity of Italian to commence with , if you would be exotick , and exquisite . Asot. Yes Sir , he was at my lodging t'other morning , I gau● him a Doublet . Amo. Double your beneuolence , and giue him the Hose too ; cloathe you his body , hee will helpe to apparaile your minde . But now , see what your proper Genius can performe alone , without adiection of any other Minerua . Asot. I comprehend you sir. Amo. I do stand you Sir : fall backe to your first place . Good ; passing well : Very properly pursewd . Asot. Beautifull , ambiguous , and sufficient Lady . What are you all alone . Amo. We would be Sir , if you would leaue vs. Asot. I am at your beauties appointment : bright Angell ; but — Amo. What but ? Asot. No harme , more then most faire feature . Amo. Th●t touch relished well . Asot. But I protest . Amo. And why should you protest ? Asot. For good will ( deare esteem'd Madam ) and I hope your Ladiship will so conceiue of it : If euer you haue seene great TAMBERLAINE . Amor. O that Blanke was excellent : if you could pick out more of these Play-particles , and ( as occasion shall salute you ) embroyder or damaske your discourse with them ( perswade your soule ) it would iudiciouslye commend you : Come , this was a well-dischar'gd and auspicious Bout : prooue the second . Asot. Lady , I cannot swagger it in Black and Yellow . Amo. Why if you can Reuell it in White Sir , 't is sufficient . Asot. Say you so Sweete Lady ? Lan , tede de , de , dant , dant , dant , dante , &c. No ( in good faith ) Madame , whoseuer tould your Ladyship so , abus'd you ; but I would be glad to meete your Ladiship in a measure . Amor. Me Sir ? beelike you measure me by your selfe then ? Asot. Would I might Fayre Feature . Amor. And what were you the better , if you might ? Asot. The better it please you to aske , Fayre Lady . Amo. Why this was rauishing , and most acutely continew'd ; Well , spend not your humor too much , you haue now competently exercised your Conceipt : This ( once or twise a day ( wil render you an accomplisht , elaborate , and well leueled Gentleman ; conuay in your Courting-stock , wee will ( in the heate of this ) goe visite the Nymphs Chamber . Finis Actus tertij . ACTVS QVARTVS . SCENA . 1. Phantaste . Philautia . Argurion . Moria . Cupid . Phan. I would this water would arriue once our trauayling friend so commended to vs. Arg. So would I , for he has left all vs in trauaile , with expectation of it . Pha. Pray Ioue , I neuer rise from this Couch , if euer I thirsted more for a thing , in my whole time of being a Courtier . Phi. Nor I , I le be sworne ; the very mention of it sets my lippes in a worse heate , then if he had sprinkled them with Mercury . Reach me the glasse Sirah . Cup. Heere Lady . Mor. They do not peele sweete charge ? do they ? Phi. Yes a little Guardian . Mor. O 't is a imminent good signe . Euer when my lippes do so , I am sure to haue some delicious good drinke or other approaching . Arg. Mary & this may be good for vs Ladies : for ( it seemes ) t is far-fet by their stay . Moria . My pallat for yours ( deare Honor ) it shall prooue most elegant I warrant you : O , I do fancie this geare that 's long a comming , with an vnmeasurable strayne . Pha. Pray thee sit downe Philautia , that Rebatu beecoms thee singularly . Phi. I st not queynt ? Pha. Yes faith : me thinkes thy seru●nt Hedon is nothing so obsequious to thee , as he was wont to be ; I know not how , Hee 's growne out of his Garbe a-late , hee 's warp't ▪ Mor. In truenesse , and so me thinkes too , he 's much conuerted . Phi. Tut ; let him bee what he will , 't is an Animal● I dreame not of . This tire ( me thinkes ) makes me looke very Ingenuously , quick , and spirited : I should be some Laura , or some Delia me thinkes . Mor. As I am wise ( faire honors ) that title she gaue him , to be her Ambition , spoild him : Before , he was the most propitious , and obseruant young Nouice . — Pha , No , no ; you are the whole heauen awry Guardian , t is the swaggering tilt-horse Anaides drawes with him there , has beene the diuerter of him . Phi. For Cupids sake speake no more of him ; would I might neuer dare to looke in a Mirror againe , if I respect ere a Marmaset of them all , otherwise , then I would a Fether , or my Shittle-cock , to make sport with , now and then . Pha. Come sit downe ; troath ( and you be good Beauties ) lets run ouer 'hem all now : Which is the properst man amongst them ? I say the Trauailer , Amorphus . Phi. O fie on him : he lookes like a Dutch Trumpetter i' the battell of Lepanto , in the gallery yonder ; and speakes to the tune of a country Lady , that comes euer i' the rere ward , or traine of a Fashion . Mor. I should haue iudgement , in a feature sweet Beauties . Pha. A body would thinke so , at these yeares . Mor. And I prefer another now , farre before him , A million at least . Pha. Who might that be Guardian ? Mor. Mary ( faire Charge ) Anaides . Pha. Anaides ? you talk't of a tune Philautia , there 's one speakes in a Key : like the opening of some Iustices gate , or a Post-Boyes horne , as if his voyce fear'd an Arrest for some ill words it should giue , and were loath to come forth . Phi. I , and he has a very imperfect face . Pha. Like a squeez'd Orenge , sower , sower . Phi. His Hand 's too great to ; by at least a strawes breadth . Pha. Nay he has a woorse fault then that too . Phi. A long heele ? Pha ▪ That were a fault in a Lady rather then him : No , they say he puts of the Calues of his legges with his Stockings euery night . Phi. Out vpon him : turne to another of the Pictures for Gods sake . What saies Argurion ? whom do's she commend afore the rest ? Cupid . I hope I haue instructed her sufficiently for an answere . Mor. Troth I made the motion to her Lady-ship for one to day i' the Presence , but it appear'd shee was other wayes furnisht before ; She would none . Pha. Who was that Argurion ? Mor. Mary the little , poore , plaine Gentlemā i' the black there . Pha. Who ? Criticus ? Arg. I , I , he ; A fellow that no body so much as lookt vpon , or regarded , and she would haue had me done him particuler grace . Pha. That was a true trick of your selfe Moria , to perswade Argurion affect the scholler . Arg. Tut ; but she shal be no chooser for me . In good faith I like the Citizens sonne there Asotus , mee thinkes , none of them all come neare him . Pha. Not Hedon ? Arg. Hedon , in troth no. Hedon's a pretty slight Courtier ▪ and he weares his clothes well , and sometimes in fashion ; marry his face is but indifferent , and he has no such excellent body . No ; th' other is a most delicate youth , a sweete face , a streight body , a well proportion'd legge , and foote , a white hand , a tender voyce . Phi. How now Argurion ? Pha. O you should haue let her alone , she was bestowing a Coppy of him vpon vs. Phi. Why she doates more palpably vpon him , then ere his Father did vpon her . Pha. Beleeue me , the young gentleman deserues it ; if she could doate more t' were not amisse : He is an exceeding proper youth , and would haue made a most neate Barber-surgeon , if he had beene put to it in time . Phi. Say you so ? me thinkes ▪ he lookes like a Taylor already . Pha. I , that had said on one of his Customers suites . Arg. Wel Ladyes , Iest on : the best of you both would be glad of such a seruant . Mor. I , I le be sworne would they : Go to Beauties , make much of Time , and Place , and Occasion , and Opportunity , and Fauorites , and things that belong to them ; for I le ensure you , they will all relinquish ; they cannot endure aboue another yeere ; I know it out of future experience , and therefore take exhibition , and warning : I was once a Reueller my selfe , and though I speake it ( as mine owne Trumpet ) I was then esteemd — Phi. The very Marchpane of the Court I warrant ? Pha. And all the Gallants came about you like flies , did they not ? Mor. Go to ; they did somewhat , that 's no matter now . Here comes Hedon . SCENA . 2. Hedon . Anaides . Mercury . Phantaste . Philautia . Moria . Argurion . Cupid . Hed. Saue you sweete and cleare beauties : By the spirit that mooues in me , you are almost pleasingly bestow'd Ladies . Only , I can take it for no good Omen , to finde mine Honor so deiected . Phi. You need not feare Sir , I did of purpose humble my selfe against your comming , to decline the pride of my Ambition . Hed. Fayre Honor , Ambition dares not stoope ; but if it be your sweet pleasure , I shall loose that Title ; I will ( as I am Hedon ) apply my selfe to your bounties . Phi. That were the next way to distitle my selfe of Honor : O no , rather be still Ambitious I pray you . Hed. I will be any thing that you please , whilst it pleaseth you to be your selfe Lady . Sweete Phantaste , Deare Moria , most beautifull Argurion . — Anai. Farewell Hedon . Hed. Anaides , Stay : wether go you ? Anai. 'Slight , what should I do here ? and you engrose ●hem all for your owne vse , 't is time for me to seeke out . Hed. I engrose ' hem ? Away mischiefe , this is one of your extrauagant Iests now , because I began to salute 'hem by their names — Anai. Faith you might haue spar'de vs Madame Prudence the Guardian there , though you had more couetously aymde at the rest . Hed. ' Shart , take 'hem all man ; what speake you to me of ayming or Couetous ? Anai. I , say you so ? nay then , haue at 'hem : Ladies , heer 's one hath distinguish'd you by your names already ; It shall onely become me , to aske ; How you doe ? Hed. Gods so , was this the disseigne you trauel'd with ? Pha. Who answers the Brazen head ? it spoke to some body ? Anai. Lady Wisedome , do you Interprete for these puppets ? Mor. In truth , and sadnesse ( Honors ) you are in great offence for this ; goe too , the Gentleman ( I le vndertake with him ) is a man of faire liuing , and able to maintaine a Lady in her two Coaches a day , besides Pages , Munkeys , and Parachitos , with s●tch attendants as she shall thinke meete for her turne ; and therefore there is more respect requirable , how soeuer you seeme to conniue : Hearke you Sir , let me discourse a sillable with you . I am to say to you , these Ladyes are not of that close , and open behauiour , as happily you may suspend ; their Cariadge is well knowne to be such as it should be , both gentle and extraordinary . M●r. O here comes the other Payre . SCENA . 3. Amorphus . Asotus . Hedon . Anaides . Mercurie . Cupid . Phantaste . Philautia . Argurion . Moria . Amor. That was your Fathers Loue , the Nymph Argurion . I would haue you direct all your Courtship thither , if you could but endeare your selfe to her affection , you were eternally engallanted . Asot. In truth Sir ? pray Phoebus I prooue fauorsome in her fayre eyes . Amor. All diuine mixture , and encrease of beauty , to this bright B●uy of Ladyes ; and to the male - Courtiers Complement , and Courtesie . Hed. In the behalfe of the Males , I gratefie you Amorphus . Phan. And I of the Females . Amor. Succinctly spoken : I doe vale to both your thanks , and kisse them ; but primarily to yours , Most ingenious , acute , and polite Lady . Phi. Gods my life , how he do's all to be qualifie her ! Ingenious , Acute , and Polite ? as if there were not others in place , as Ingenious , Acute , and Polite , as she . Hed. Yes , but you must know Lady , he cannot speake out of a Dictionary method . Phan. Sit downe sweete Amorphus . When will this water come thinke you ? Amor. It cannot now be long fayre Lady . Cup. Now obserue Mercury . Asot. How most Ambiguous beauty ? Loue you ? that I will by this Hand-kercher . Mer. 'Slid he drawes his oathes out of his pocket . Arg. But will you be constant ? Asotus . Constant Madame ? I will not say for Constantnesse , but by this Pursse ( which I would bee loath to sweare by , vnlesse 't were embroyder'd ) I protest ( more then most fayre Lady ) you are the onely , absolute and vn-paraleld Creature , I do adore , and admire , and respect , and reuerence in this Court , Corner of the world , or Kingdome , Me thinkes you are Melancholy . Arg. Do's your heart speake all this ? Asot. Say you ? Mer. O he is groaping for another oath . Asot. Now by this Watch ( I marle how forward the day is ) I do vnfaignedly vowe my selfe ( 'Slight 't is deeper then I tooke it , past fiue ) your's entirely addicted , Madame . Arg. I require no more dearest Asotus , hence-forth let me call you mine ; and in remembrance of me , voutchsafe to weare this Chaine , and this Diamond . Asot. O god sweete Lady . Cup. There are new oathes for him : what ? dooth Hermes taste no Alteration in all this ? M●r. Yes , thou hast strooke Argurion enamour'd on Asotus methinkes ? Cup. Alasse no ; I am no body , I : I can do nothing in this disguise . M●rcu . But thou hast not wounded any of the rest , Cupid ? Cup. Not yet : it is enough that I haue begunne so prosperously . Arg. Tut , these are nothing to the Gems I will howerly bestow vpo● thee : be but faithfull and kinde to me , and I will lade thee with my richest bounties : beholde here my Bracelets from mine Armes . Asot. Not so good Lady , By this Diamond . Arg. Take 'hem ; weare 'hem : my Iewels , Chaine of Pearle , Pendants , all I haue . Asot. Nay then , by this Pearle You make me a Wanton . Cup. Shall not she answere for this , to mainteine him thus in swearing ? Mer. O , no , there is away to weane him from this : the Gentleman may be reclaim'd . Cup. I , if you had the ayring of his apparell Cosse , I thinke . Asot. Louing ? 't were pitty I should be liuing else , beleeue me . Saue you Sir. Saue you sweete Lady , Saue you Mounsieur Anaides ; Saue you deare Madame . Ana. Doo'st thou knowe him that saluted thee , Hedon ? Hedon . No , some idle Fungoso I warrant you . Ana. ' Sbloud , I neuer saw him till this morning , and he salutes me as familiarly , as if we had knowne together , since the first yeare of the siege of Troy. Amor. A most right-handed , and auspicious encounter . Confine your selfe to your fortunes . Phi. For gods sake le ts haue some Ri●dles or Purposes ; hough . Pha. No faith , your Prophecies are best , the 'tother are stale . Phi. Prophecies ? wee cannot all ●it in at them ; we shall make a confusion : no ; what calde you that we had in the forenoone ? Pha. Substantiues , and Adiectiues . I st not Hedon ? Phi. I that , who begins ? Pha. I haue thought ; speake your Adiectiues Sirs ? Phi. But doe not you change then . Pha. Not I , Who sayes ? Mor. Odoriferous . Phi. Popular . Arg. Humble . Anai. White-liuer'd . Hedon . Barbarous . Amor. Pythagoricall . Hedon . Yours Signior . Asot. What must I doe Sir ? Amor. Giue foorth your Adiectiue with the rest ; as Prosperous , Good , Faire , Sweete , Well . Hed. Any thing that hath not bin spoken . Asot. Yes Sir : Well-spoken shall be mine . Pha. What ? ha you all doone . Omnes . I. Pha. Then the Substantiue is Breeches . Why Odoriferous Breeches Guardian ? Mor. Odoriferous , because Odoriferous : that which containes most variety of sauor , and smell , we say is most Odoriferous : now Breeches I presume are incident to that variety , and therefore , Odoriferous Breeches . Pha. Well , we must take it howsoeuer , who 's next . Philautia . Phi. Popular . Pha. Why Popular Breeches ? Phi. Mary that is , when they are not content to be generally noted in Court ; but will presse footth on common Stages , and Brokers stalls , to the publique view of the world . Pha. Good : why Humble Breeches ? Argurien . Arg. Humble , because they vse to be sat vpon ; besides if you tye 'hem not vp , their propertie is to fall downe about your heeles . Mer. Shee has worne the Breeches it seemes which haue done so . Phan. But why White-liuerd ? Anai. Why ? ' Sharte are not their linings white ? besides , when they come in swaggering company , and will pocket vp any thing ; may they not properly bee said to bee White-liuerd ? Phan. O yes , wee cannot deny it . And why Barbarous , Hedon ? Hedon . Barbarous , because commonly when you haue worn● your Breeches sufficiently , you giue them to your Barbar . Amor. That 's good : but now Pythagoricall ? Pha. I , Amorphus . Why Pythagoricall Breeches ? Amor. O most kindly of all , 't is a conceit of that Fortune ; I am bould to hug my braine for . Phan. How i st , E●quisite Amorphus ? Amor. O I am rapt with it , 't is so fit , so proper , so happy . Phi. Nay doe not rack vs thus ? Amor. I neuer truly relisht my selfe before . Giue me your eares . Breeches Pythagoricall , by reason of their transmigration into seuerall shapes . Moria . Most rare in sweete troth . Mary this young Gentleman , for his Well-spoken — Phan. I , why Well-spoken Breeches ? Asot. Well-spoken : mary well-spoken , because whatsoeuer they speake is well taken , and whatsoeuer is well taken , is well-spoken . Moria . Excellent : beleeue me . Asot. Not so Ladyes neither . Hedon . But why Breeches now ? Phan. Breeches quasi Beare-riches ; when a gallant beares all his Ritches in his Breeches . Phi. In good faith these vnhappy Pages , would be whipt for staying thus . Moria . Beshrew my hand , and my hart else . Amor. I do wonder at their protraction . Anai. Pray God my whore haue not discouer'd her selfe to the raskally Boyes , and that be the cause of their stay . Asot. I must sute my selfe with another Page ; this idle Prosaites will neuer be brought to waite well ▪ Mor. Sir I haue a kinseman I could willingly wish to your seruice , if you would deigne to accept of him . Asot. And I shal be glad ( most sweet Lady ) to imbrace him ; where is he ? Mor. I can fetch him Sir , but I would be loath to make you turne away your other Page . Asot. You shall not most sufficient Lady , I will keepe both : pray you le ts go see him . Exeunt . Arg. Whether goes my Loue ? Asot. I le returne presently ; I go but to see a Page with this Lady . Anaid. As sure as Fate 't is so ; shee ha's opened all : A poxe of all Cocatrices . Damne mee if shee haue playde loose with me , I le cut her throate within a hayres bredth , so it may be heald againe . Exit . Mercu. What is he Iealous of his Hermaphrodite ? Cup. O I , this will be excellent sporte . Phi. Phantaste , Argurion , what ? you are sodainly stroake me thinkes ; for Gods will le ts ha' some Musique till they come . Ambition reach the Lyra I pray you . Hedon . Any thing to which my Honor shall direct me . Phi. Come Amorphus ; cheare vp Phantaste . Amor. It shall be my pride faire Lady to attempt all that is in my power . But heere is an Instrument that ( alone ) is able to infuse soule in the most melancholique , and dull disposde Creature vpon earth ; O! let me kisse thy faire knees : Beauteous ●ares attend it . Hedon . Will you haue the Kisse Honor. Phi. I good Ambition . Ode . O That Ioy so soone should wast ! or so sweet a blisse as a Kisse , Might not for euer last ! So sugred , so melting , so soft , so delicious , The dew that lyes on Roses , When the Morne her selfe discloses , is not so pretious : O , rather then I would it smother , Were I to taste such another ; It should be my wishing That I might dye kissing . Hedon . I made this Ditty and the Note to it vpon a kisse that my Honor gaue me ; how like you it Sir. Amor. A pretty Ayre ; in generall I like it well . But in particuler , your long die-Note did arride me most , but it was somwhat too long : I can shew one , almost of the same nature , but much before it , and not so long ; in a Composition of mine owne : I thinke I haue both the Note , and Ditty about me . Hed. Pray you Sir see . Amor. Yes there is the Note ; and all the parts if I mis-thinke not . I will reade the Ditty to your Beauties here , but first I am to make you familiar with the occasion , which presents it selfe thus . Vpon a time , going to take my leaue of the Emperour , and kisse his great handes ; there being then present , the Kings of Fraunce , and Arragon , the Dukes of Sauoy , Florence , Orleance , Bourbon , Brunswick , the Lantgrau● , Count Palatine , all which had seuerally feasted me ; besides infinite more of inferiour persons , as Earles , and others : it was my chance ( the Emperour detain'd by some other affayre ) to waite him the fifth part of an houre , or much nere it ▪ In which time ( retiring my selfe into a Bay-window ) I encountred the Lady Annabel neice to the Empresse , and ●ister to the king of Arragon ; who ( hauing neuer before ey de me , but onely heard the common report of my Vertue , Learning , and Trauaile ) fell into that extremity of passion , for my loue , that she there immediatly sounded : Phisitians were sent for ; she had to her chamber ; so to her bed ; where ( languishing some few daies ) after many times calling vpon me , with my name in her mouth , she expirde . As that ( I must needes say ) is the onely fault of my Fortune , that as it hath euer bin my hap to be sew'd to by all Ladies , and Beauties where I haue come ; so , I neuer yet soiourn'd , or rested in that place , or part of the world , where some great and admirable faire Creature died not for my loue . Mer. O the sweete power of trauaile , are you guilty of this Cupid ? Cup. No Mercury ; and that his page ( Cos ) knowes , and he were here present to be sworne . Phi. But how doth this draw on the Ditty Sir. Mor. O she is to quick with him ; he hath not deuis'd that yet . Amor. Marry some houre beefore shee departed , she bequeath'd to me this Glou● ; which the Emperour himselfe tooke care to send after me , in sixe Coaches , couer'd all with black-veluet , attended by the state of his Empire ; all which he freely gaue me , and I reciprocally ( out of the same bounty ) gaue it to the Lords that brought it : onely reseruing , and respecting , the gift of the deceasde Lady , vpon which I compos'd this Ode , and set it to my most affected Instrument the Lyra. Ode . THou more then most sweete Gloue , Vnto my more sweete Loue ; Suffer me to store , with kisses This empty lodging , th●t now misses The pure Rosie hand that ware thee , Whiter then the Kid that bare thee : Thou art soft , but that was softer ; Cupids selfe hath kist it ofter , Then ere he did his mothers Doues , Supposing her the Queene of Loues That was thy Mistris Best of Gloues . Mer. Blasphemy , Blasphemy Cupid . Cup. I , I le reuenge it time inough ; Hermes . Phi. Good Amorphus , let 's here it sung . Amor. I care not to do that , since it pleaseth Philautia to request it . Hed. Heere Sir. Amor. Nay play it I pray you , you do well , you do well : how like you it Sir ? He sings . Hed. Very well in troath . Amor. But very well ? O you are a meere Mammo●hrept in iudgement then : why do you not obserue how excellently the Ditty is affected in euery place ? that I do not marry a word of short quantity , to a long Note ▪ nor an ascending Sillable to a discending Tone . Besides vpon the worde Best there , you see how I do enter with an odde Minnum , and driue it thorough the Briefe , which no intelligent Musitian ( I know ) but will affirme to bee very rare , extraordinary , and pleasing . Mer. And yet not fit to lament the death of a Lady for all this . Cup. Tut heere be they will swallow any thing . Phantast . Pray you let mee haue a coppy of it Amorphus . Phi. And me too , in troath I like it exceedingly . Amor. I haue denyed it to Princes , neuerthelesse to you ( the true Female Twinnes of Perfection ) I am wonne to depart withall . Hed. I hope I shall haue my Honors coppy . Pha. You are Ambitious in that Hedon . Enter Anaides . Amor. How now Anaides ? what is it hath coniur'd vp this distemperature in the circle of your face ? Anai. ' Sblod what haue you to do ? A pox of God o' your filthy trauailing Beard ; hold your tongue . Hed. Nay , dost heare mischiefe ? Anai. Away Musk-cat . Amor. I say to thee : Thou art rude , impudent , course , impolisht ; a Frapler , and base . Hed. Heart of my father , what a strange alteration has halfe a yeeres haunting of Ordinaries wrought in this fellow ? that came with a Tuff-taffata Ierkin to Towne but th' other day , and now hee is turn'd Hercules , hee wants but a Club. Anai. Sir , I will garter my hose with your guttes ; and that shall be all . Exit . Mercur. 'Slid what rare fire workes bee heere ? flash , flash . Pha. What 's the matter Hedon ? can you tell ? Hed. Nothing but that he lacks mony , & thinkes weel● lend him some to be friends . Enter Asot. Mor. Morus . Asot. Come sweete Lady ▪ in good truth I le haue it , you shall not deny me ; Morus perswade your Aunt I may haue her picture , by any meanes . Morus . Yes Sir : good Aunt now , let him haue it ; he will vse me the better , if you loue me , do good Aunt . Moria . Well , tell him he shall haue it . Morus . Maister , you shall haue it , she saies ; Asot. Shall I ? thanke her good Page . Cup. What has he entertaind the Foole ? Mer. I , hee le waite close you shall see , though the Begg●r hang off . Morus . Aunt my maister thankes you . Moria . Call him hether . Morus . Yes : maister . Moria . Yes in very truth , and gaue me this Pursse , and he ha's promis'd me a most fine Dog ; which he will haue drawne with my Picture , and desires most vehemently to be knowne to your Ladyshipps . Pha. Call him hether , 't is good groping such a Gull. Moria . Maister Asotus . Maister Asotus . Asot. For Gods sake , let me go : you see , I am call'd to the Ladies . Argu. Wilt thou forsake me then ? Asotus , Gods so , what would you haue mee doe ? Moria . Come hither maister Asotus ; I do ensure your Ladyships , he is a Gentleman of a very worthy desart ; and of a most ●ounti●ull nature . You must shew and insinuate your selfe responsible , and equiualent now to my commendment . Good Honors grace him . Asot. I protest ( more then most faire Ladyes ) I doe wish all variety of diuine ple●sure , choyse sport , sweete Musique , ritch Fare , braue A●●yres , soft Beds , and silken Thoughts , attend these fayre Beauties . Will it please your Ladyship to weare this Chaine of Pearle , and this Diamond for my sake . Arg. O. Asot. And you Madam this Iewell , and Pendants . Arg. O. Phan. We know not how to deserue these bounties out of so slight merrit , Asotus . Phi. No in faith , but the'rs my Gloue for a fauor . Phan. And soone after the Reuels I will bestowe a Garter on you . Asot. O Lord Ladyes , it is more grace then euer I could haue hop'd , but that it pleaseth your Ladyships to extend ; I protest it is enough that you but take knowledge of my — if your Ladiships want embroydered Gownes , Tyres of any Fashion , Rebatus , Iewels , or Carkanets , any thing what soeuer ; if you vouchsafe to accept . Cup. And for it they will helpe you to Shoo-tyes , and deuises . Asot. I cannot vtter my selfe ( Deare Beauties ) but ; you can conceiue — Arg. O. Phan. Sir we will acknowledge your seruice doubt not ; henceforth you shall be no more Asotus to vs , but our Golde-Finch , and we your Cages . Hedon . O God Madams , how shall I deserue this ? if I were but made acquainted with Hedon now ; I le trye : pray you away . Mer. How he prayes Money to go away from him . Asot. Amorphus , a word with you : heere 's a Watch I would bestowe vpon you , pray you make mee knowne to that Gallant . Amor. That I will Sir. Mounsieur Hedon I must intreate you to exchange knowledge with this Gentleman . Hed. 'T is a thing ( next to the water we expect ) I thirste after Sir. Good Mounsieur Asotus . Asot. Good Mounsieur Hedon , I would be glad to bee lou'd of men of your Ranke , and spirit , I protest . Please you to accept this payre of Bracelets Sir , they are not worth the bestowing . Mer. O Hercules ; how the Gentleman purchases ? this must needes bring Argurion to a consumption . Hed. Sir , I shall neuer stand in the merit of such Bounty . I feare . Asot. O Lord Sir ; your acquaintance shall be sufficient . And if at any time you neede my Bill or my Bond. Arg. O , O. Argurion swones . Amor. Helpe the Lady there . Moria . Gods deare , Argurion . Madam , how do you ? Arg. Sicke . Phan. Haue her foorth and giue her ayre . Asot. I come againe streight Ladyes . Mer. Well , I doubt all the Phisique he ha's , will scarce recouer her ; shee 's too farre spent . Exeunt Asotus , Morus , Argurion . SCENA . 4. Anaides . Gelaia . Cos. Prosaites . Philautia . Phantaste . Moria . Amorphus ▪ Hedon . Phi. O heer 's the Water come : fetche Glasses Page . Gelaia . Heart of my body heere 's a coyle indeed with your ●ealous humors . Nothing but Whore , and Bitch , and all the villanous swaggering names you can thinke on ? 'Slid take your Bottle , and put it in your guttes ●or me , I le see you poxt ere I follow you any longer ? Anai. Nay good Punke , sweete Rascall ; damne me if I am Iealous now . Gelaia . That 's true indeed , pray le ts goe . Moria . What 's the matter there ? Gelaia . Slight he has me vpon Intergatories , ( nay my Mother shall know how you vse me ) where I haue beene ? and why I should stay so long ? and how i st possible ? and with-all calles me at his pleasure ; I knowe not how many Cocatrices , and things . Moria . In truth and sadnesse , these are no good Epithites Anaides : to bestow vpon any Gentlewoman ; and ( I le ensure you ) if I had knowne you would haue dealt thus with my Daughter , she should neuer haue fancied you so deeply , as she has doone . Goe too . Anai. Why doe you he●re Mother Moria . Heart . Moria . Nay I pray you Sir doe not sweare . Anai. Sweare ? why ? Sblood I haue sworne afore now I hope . Both you and your daughter mistake me ; I haue not honor'd Arete that is helde the worthyest Lady in the Court ( next to Cynthia ) with halfe that obseruance and respect , as I haue doone her in priuate , howsoeuer outwardly I haue caried my selfe carelesse and negligent . Come you are a foolish Punke , and know not when you are well employde . Kisse me . Come on . Do it I say . Moria . Nay , indeed I must confesse she is apt too misprision . But I must haue you leaue it Minion . Enter Asotus . Amor. How now Asotus ? how do's the Lady ? Asot. Fayth ill . I haue left my Page with her at her lodging . Hed. O heer 's the rarest Water that euer was tasted ; fill him some . Prosai. What ? has my Maister a new Page ? Mer. Yes a kinsman of the Lady Morias : you must waite better now , or you are casheer'd Prosaites . Anai. Come Gallants ; you must pardon my foolish humor , when I am angry , that any thing crosses me , I grow impatient streight . Here I drinke to you . Phi O that we had fiue or sixe Bottles more of this liquor . Pha. Now I commend your iudgement Amorphus : who 's that knockes ? looke Page . Moria . O most delicious , a little of this would make Argurion well . Pha. O no giue her no colde drinke by any meanes . Anai. Sblood , this water is the spirit of Wine , I le be hangd ●lse . Cup. Heere 's the Lady Arete Madam . SCENA . 5. Arete . Phantaste . Philautia . Moria . Anaides . Gelaia . Cos. Prosaites . Amorphus . Asotus . Hedon . Mercury . Cupid . Arete . What at your Beuer Gallants ? Moria . Wilt please your Lady-shipp drinke , t is of the new fountaine water . Arete . Not I , Moria ; I thanke you : Gallants you must prouide for some solemne Reuels to night , Cynthia is minded to come foorth , and grace your sports with her presence ; therefore I could wish there were some thing extraordinary to entertaine her . Amo. What say you to a Masque ? Hed. Nothing better , if the Inuention or Proiect were new and rare . Arete . Why , I le send for Criticus , and haue his aduise ; you will be ready in your indeuours ; Pha. Yes ▪ but will not your Lady-ship stay ? Arete . Not now Phantaste . Exit . Phi. Let her go , I pray you ; good Lady Sobriety , I am glad we are rid of her . Pha. What a set Face the gentlewoman has , as she were still going to a Sacrifice ? Phi. O shee is the extraction of a dozen of Puritans , for a looke . Moria Of all Nimphs ' i●he Court I cannot away with her : 't is the coursest thing — Phi. I wounder how Cynthia can affect her so aboue the rest ! Heere be they are euery way as faire as she , and a thought , fayrer , I trow . Pha. I , and as ingenious , and conceipted as she . Moria . I and as politique as she , for all she sets such a Forehead on 't . Phi. Would I were dead if I would change to bee Cynthia . Pha. Or I. Moria . Or I. Amor. And there 's her Minion Criticus ; why his aduise more then Amorphus ? haue I not Inuention , afore him ? Learning , to better that Inuention , aboue him ? and Trauaile . — Anai. Death , what talke you of his Learning ? he vnderstands no more then a schoole-Boy ; I haue put him downe my selfe a thousand times ( by this Ayre ) and yet I neuer talkt with him but twise in my life ; you neuer saw his like : I could neuer get him to argue with me , but once , and then because I could not construe a peece of Horace at first sighte , he went awaye and laught at mee . By Gods will , I scorne him , as I do the sodden Nimph that was heere euen now ; his mistris Arete : And I loue my selfe for nothing else . Hed. I wonder the Fellow d●e's not hang himselfe , being thus scorn'd , and contemn'd of vs that are held the most accomplisht Society of Gallants ! Mer. By your selues none else . Hed. I protest , if I had no Musique in me , no Courtship ; that I were not a Reueller and could daunce , or had not those excellent qualities that giue a man Life , and Perfection , but a meere poore Scholler as he is , I thinke I should make some desperate way with my selfe ; whereas now ( would I might neuer breath more ) if I do know that Creature in this kingdome , with whome I would change . Cup. This is excellent : well I must alter this soone . Mer. Looke you do Cupid . Asot. O I shall tickle it soone ; I did neuer appeare till then . Slid I am the ne●tliest-made Gallant i' the company , & haue the best presence ; and my dauncing — I know what the Vsher saide to me the last time I was at the schoole ; would I might leade Philautia in the measure , and 'tweere gods will. I am most worthy , I am sure . Enter Morus . Morus . Maister I can tell you newes , the Lady kist me yonder , and plaid with me ; and sayes she lou'd you once , as well as she do's me , but that you cast her of . Asot. Peace my most esteemed Page . Morus . Yes . Amor. Gallants , thinke vpon your Time , and take it by the forehead ; Anaides , we must mixe this gentleman with you in acquaintance . Mounsieur Asotus . Anai. I am easily intreated to grace any of your friends , Amorphus . Asot. Sir , and his friends shall likewise grace you Sir. Nay I begin to know my selfe now . Amor. O , you must continue your Bounties . Asot. Must I ? why I le giue him this Ruby on my finger . Hed. Come Ladies ; but stay we shall want one to Lady it in our Masque in place of Argurion . Anai. Why my page shall do it , Gelaia . H●d . Troth and he'●e do it well , it shal be so . Exeunt . Asot. Do you heere Sir , I do hartely wish your acquaintance , and I partly know my selfe worthy of it ; please you Sir , to accept this poore Ruby in a Ring Sir. The Poe●ie is of my owne deuise ▪ Let this blush for me Sir. Anai. So it must for me , too . For I am not asham'd to take it . Exit . Morus . Sweete man , by my troath maister I loue you ; will you loue me to ? for my Aunts sake ? I le waite well you shall see , I le still be heere . Would I might neuer stirre , but you are in gay clothes . As●t . As for that Morus , thou shalt see more here after , in the meane time , by this Ay●e , or by this Fether , I le do as much for thee as any Ga●lant shall do for his Page whatsoeuer , in this Court , corner of the world , or Kingdome . Exeunt . Mercury . I wounder this gentleman should affect to keepe a ●oole , mee thinkes he makes sport enough with him selfe . Cup. Well Prosaites tweere good you did waite closer . Pro. I , I le looke to it ; 't is time . Cos. Wee are like to haue sumptuous Reuells to night Sirs . Mer. We must needes when all the choisest Singularities of the Court are vp in Pantofles , nere a one of them , but is able to make a whole shew of it sel●e . Hed. Sirah a Torch , a torch . Hedon within . Mercury . O what a call is there ? I will haue a Canz●net made with nothing in it but 〈◊〉 ; and the Burthen shal be . I come . Exeunt Omnes . SCENA . 6. Arete . Criticus . Crit. — . A masque , bright Aret●● Why tweere a labour more for Hercules . Better , and sooner durst I vndertake : To make the different seasons of the Yeere , The Windes , or Elements to sympathize ; Then their vnmeasurable vanity Daunce truely in a measure : They agree ? What though all Concord's borne of Contraries ? So many Follies will confusion prooue ▪ And like a sort of iarring Instruments , All out of tune ; because ( indeed ) we see There is not that Analogy twixt Discords , As betweene things but meerely opposite . Aret. There is your error ; for as H●●mes wande Charmes the disorders , of tumultuous Ghosts , And as the strife of Chaos then did cease , When better light then Natures did arriue ; So , what could neuer in it selfe agree , Forgetteth the eccentrick property , And at her sight turnes foorthwith regular , Whose scepter guides the flowing Ocean : And though it did not , yet the most of them ( Being eyther Courtiers , or not wholy rude ) Respect of Maiesty , the Place , and Pres●nce , Will ke●pe them within Ring ; especially When they are not presented as themselues , But masqu'd like others : for ( in troth ) not so T' incorporate them , could be nothing else Then like a State vngouern'd , without lawes ; or A body made of nothing but diseases ; The one , through impotencie poore , and wretched ; The other for the Anarchy absurd . Crit. But Lady , for the Reuellers themselues ; It would be better ( in my poore conceipt , ) That others were imploy'd ; for such as are Vnfit to be in Cynthias Court , can seeme No les●e vnfit to be in Cynthias sports . Aret. That is not done ( my Criticus ) without Particular knowledge of the Goddesse minde ; Who ( holding true intelligence , what Follyes Had crept into her Pallace ) she resolu'd , Of sports , and Triumphs ; vnder that pretext , To haue them muster in their Pompe and Fulnesse : That so she might more strictly , and to roote , Effect the Reformation she intends . Crit. I now conceiue her heauenly drift in all ; And will apply my spirits to serue thy will : O thou , the very power by which I am ; And but for which , it were in vaine to be ; Chiefe next Diana , Virgin , heauenly fayre ▪ Admired Arete , ( of them admir'd Whose soules are not enkindled by the sence ) Disdeigne not my chast fire , but feed the flame Deuoted truely to thy gracious name . Arete . Leaue to suspect vs : Criticus shall finde As we are now most deare , wee le prooue most kinde . Aret● With●● . Arete . Harke , I am cald . Exit . Crit. I follow instantly , Phoebus Apollo : if with ancient Rites , And due Deuotions , I haue euer hung Elaborate Paeans on thy golden Shrine , Or sung thy Triumphs in a lofty straine ; Fit for a Theater of Gods to heare : ) And thou the other sonne of mighty Io●● Cyllenian Mercury ( sweete Maias ioye ) If in the busie tumults of the minde , My path thou euer hast illumined : For which , thine Altars I haue oft per●um'de , And deckt thy Statue with discoulored flowers : Now thriue Inuention in this glorious Court , That not of bounty only , but of right , Cynthia may grace , and giue it life by sight . Exit . Finis Actus quarti . ACTVS QVINTVS . SCENA . 1. Hesperus . Cynthia . Arete . TymE . Phronesis . Thauma . Hymnus . Hesp. QVeene and Huntresse , chaste , and fayre , Now the Sunne is layde to sleepe , Seated , in thy siluer Chayre , State in wonted maner keepe : Hesperus intreats thy light , Goddesse excellently bright . Earth , let not thy enuious shade Dare it selfe to interpose ; Cynthias shining Or be was made Heauen to cleare , when day did close : Blesse vs then with wished sight , Goddesse excellently bright . Lay thy Bowe of Pearle apart . And thy Christ all-shining Quiuer ; Giue vnto the flying Hart , Space to breath , how short soeuer . Thou , that makst a day of night , Goddesse excellently Bright . Exit . C●nt● . When hath Diana , like an enuious wretch ▪ That glitters onely to his soothed selfe , Denying to the world the precious v●e Of hoorded wealth , with-held her friendly ayde ? Mon'thly we spend our still-repaired shine , And not forbid our Virgin-waxen torch , To burne , and blaze while nutriment doth last : That once consum'd , out of Ioues treasury Anew we take , and stick it in our Spheare To giue the mutinous kinde of wanting men , Their lookt for light . Yet what is their desert ? " Bounty is wrongd , interpreted as due ; " Mortalls can chalenge not a Ray but right , " Yet do exspect the whole of Cynthias light : But if that Deities with-drew their guifts , For humane Follies , what should men deserue But Death and Darknesse ? It behoo●es the high , For their owne sakes to do things worthely . Arete . Most true , most sacred goddesse ; for the Heauens Receiue no good of all the good they do : Nor Ioue , nor you , nor other heauenly Power , Are fed with Fumes , which do from Incense rise , Or Sacrifices reeking in their gore : Yet for the care which you of mortalls haue , ( Whose proper Good it is , that they be so ; ) You well are pleas'd with Odours redolent : But ignorant is all the Race of men , Which still complaines , not knowing why , or when , Cyn. Else noble Arete , they would notblame , And taxe for or vniust , or for as proud Thy Cynthia , in the things which are indeed The greatest glories in our starry crowne : Such is our Chastity , which safely scornes , Not Loue ( for who more feruently doth loue Immortall Honor , and diuine Renowne ? ) But giddy Cupid , Venus frantick sonne . Yet Arete , if by this vayled light We but discouer'd ( what we not discerne ) Any the least of imputations , stand Ready to sprinkle our vnspotted fame , With note of lightnesse , from these Reuels neare : Not , for the Empire of the Vniuerse Should Night or Court , this whatsoeuer shine Or grace of ours , vnhappely enioy . " Place , and Occ●sion are two priuy Thieues ; " And from poore innocent Ladies , often steale " ( The best of things ) an honourable Name : " To stay with Follyes , or where Faults may be , " Infers a Crime , although the party free . Aret. How Cynthianly ( that is how worthely And like her selfe ) the matchlesse Cynthia speakes ! Infinite Iealousies , infinite Reguards , Do watch about the true virginity : But Phoebe liues from all not onely fault , But as from thought , so from suspicion free , " Thy Presence broad-seales our delights for pure , " What 's done in Cynthias sight , is done secure . Cynt. That then so answer'd ( Dearest Arete ) What th' Argument , or of what sort , our Sports Are like to be this night ; I not demaund . Nothing which Duty , and desire to please Beares written in the for●head , comes amiss● ; But vnto whose Inuention , must we owe , The complement of this nights furniture ? Aret. Excellent Goddesse , to mans , whose worth , ( Without Hyperbole , ) I thus may praise ; One ( at least ) studious , of deseruing well : And ( to speake truth ) indeed deseruing well , " Potentiall merit stands for actuall , " Where only Opportunity dooth want , " Not Will , nor Power : both which in him abound . One whom the Muses , and Minerua loue ; For whom should they more loue then Criticus , Whom Phoebus ( though not Fortune ) holdeth deare ? And ( which conuinceth excellence in him ▪ ) A principall admirer of your selfe : Euen ▪ through th'vngentle iniuries of Fate , And difficulties , which do vertue choake , Thus much of him appeares . What other things Of farther note , do lye vnborne in him , Them I do leaue for cherishment to shew . And for a Goddesse graciously to iudge . Cynt. We haue already iudg'd him Arete : Nor are we ignorant , how noble mindes Suffer too much through those indignities , Which Times , and vicious Persons cast on them : Our selfe haue euer vowed to esteeme ( As Vertue , for it selfe ) so Fortune , base ; Who first in Worth , the same be first in Place . Nor farther notice ( Arete ) we craue Then thine approualls soueraigne warranty : Let , be thy care , to make vs knowne to him ; " Cynthia shall brighten what the World made dim ▪ SCENA . 2. THE FIRST MASQVE . Cupid like Anteros . Ante. Cleare Pearle of Heauen , and not to be farther ambitious in titles ) Cynthia . The fame of this illustrious night , among others hath also drawne these foure faire Virgins from the Pallace of their Queene Perfection ( a word , which makes no sufficient difference , twixt hers , and thine ) to visit thy Imperiall Court : for she their Soueraigne Lady , not finding where to dwel among men , before her teturne to heauen : aduised them wholy to consecrate themselues to thy Coelestiall seruice , as in whose cleare Spirit ( the proper Element , and Sphare of vertues ) they should behould not her alone , ( their euer honor'd Mistresse ) but themselues ) more truely themselues ) to liue enthronised . Her selfe would haue commended them vnt● thy fauour more particularly , but that she knowes no commendation is more auailable with thee then that of proper vertue : Neuerthelesse , she wilde them to present this Christall Mound , a note of Monarchy , and Symbole of Perfection , to thy more worthy Deity ; which as heere by me they most humbly do , so amongst the Rarities thereof , that is the chiefe , to shew whatsoeuer the world hath excellent , howsoeuer remote and various . But your irradiate iudgement will soone discouer the secrets of this little Christall world . Themselues ( to appeare the more plainly ) because they know nothing more odious then false pretexts : haue chosen to expresse their seuerall qualities thus in seuerall coulors . 1 The first in Citron coullour is naturall Affection , which giuen vs to procure our good , is sometime called Storge , and as euery one is neerest to himselfe , so this Hand-maid of Reason , allowable Selfe-loue , as it is without harme , so are none without it : Her place in the Court of Perfection was to quicken mindes in the pursute of Honor. Her deuice is a Perpendicular Leuell vpon a ▪ Cube or Square . The word , SE SVO MODVLO : alluding to that true measure of ones selfe , which as euery one ought to make , so is it most conspicuous in thy diuine example . 2 The second in Greene is Aglaia , delectable and pleasant Conuersation , whose property it is to mooue a kindly delight , and sometime not without laughter : Her office to entertaine assemblies , and keepe societies together with fayre familliarity . Her deuice within a Ring of clouds , a Heart with shine about it , the worde , CVRARVM NVBILA PELLO . An Allegory of Cynthias light , which no lesse cleares the Skie , then her ●ayre M●rthe the heart . 3 The third , in discoul●ur'd Mantle spangled all ouer , is Euphantaste , a well conceited Wittinesse , and imployde in honouring the Courte with the ritches of her pure Inuention . Her deuice vpon a Petasus , or Mer●nriall Hat , a Crescent . The worde ; SIC LAVS INGENII : Inferring that the praise and glory of wit , doth euer increase , as dooth thy growing Moone . 4 The fourth in White is Apheleia , a Nymph as pure and s●●ple as the Soule , or as an abrase Table , and is therefore called Symplicity ; without foulds , without pleights , without coullour , without counterfeit : and ( to speake plainely ) Plainenesse it selfe . Her deuice is no Deuice . The word vnder her siluer Shield : OMNIS ABEST FVCVS , alluding to thy spotlesse selfe , who art as farre from Impurity , as from Mortality . My selfe ( Coelestiall Goddesse ) more fit for the Court of Cynthia , then the Arbors of Cythere , am call'd Anteros , or Loues enemy ; the more welcome therefore to thy Court , and the fitter to conduct this Quaternio , who as they are thy professed Votaries , and for that cause aduersaries to Loue , yet thee ( Perpetuall Virgin ) they both loue , and vow to loue eternally . SCENA . 3. Cynthia . Arete . Criticus . Cynthia . Not without wounder , nor with out delight , Mine eyes haue veiwd in Contemplations depth , This worke of wit , diuine , and excellent : What Shape ? what Substance ? or what vnknowne Power In virgins habit crown'd with Lawrell leaues And Oliue branches wouen in betweene , On Sea-girt Rocke like to a Goddesse shin●s ? O front ! O face ! O all celestiall sure And more then mortall ! Arete , behould Another Cynthia , and another Queene , Whose glory ( like a lasting Plenilun● ) Seems ignorant of what it is to wane . Not vnder heauen an Obiect could be found More fit to please ; let Criticus approach , Bounty forbids to paull our thankes with stay , Or to deferre our fauour after view : " The time of Grace is , when the Cause is new . Arete . Lo heere the man ( coelestiall Delia ) Who ( like a Circle bounded in it selfe , ) Containes asmuch , as Man in fulnesse may . Lo here the man ; who , not of vsuall earth , But of that nobler , and more precious mould Which Phoebus selfe doth temper , is compos'd ; And , who ( though all were wanting to reward , Yet , to himselfe he would not wanting be : Thy Fauors gaine is his Ambitions most , And labours best ; who ( humble in his height ) Stands fixed silent in thy glorious sight . Cynthia . With no lesse pleasure , then we haue beheld , This pretious Christall , worke of rarest wit , Our eye doth reade thee , now , our Criticus ; Whom Learning , Vertue , and our Fauour last , Exempteth from the gloomy Multitude . " With common eye the Supreme should not see . Hence forth be ours , the more thy selfe to be . Crit. Heauens purest light , whose Orbe may be eclips'd , But not thy Praise ; ( diuinest Cynthia ) How much too narrow for so high a grace , Thy ( saue therein ) vnworthy Criticus : Doth finde himselfe ? for euer shine thy Fame ; Thine Honours euer , as thy Beauties do ; In me they must , my darke worldes chiefest Lights ; By whose propitious beames my powres are rais'd To hope some part of those most lofty points , Which blessed Arete hath pleas'd to name As markes , which my'ndeuors steps should bend : Mine , as begunne at thee , in thee must end . SCENA . 4. THE SECOND MASQVE . Mercury as a Page . Mer. Sister of Phoebus to whose bright Orbe we owe , that we not complaine of his Absence ; These foure Brethren ( for they are Brethrē and sonnes of Eutaxia , a Lady knowne , and highly belou'd of your resplendent Deity ) not able to be absent , when Cynthia held a solempnity , officiously insinuate themselues into thy presence : For as there are foure Cardinall vertues , vpon which the whole Frame of the Cour● dooth mooue , so are these the foure Cardinall properties without which the Body of Complement mooueth not . With those foure siluer Iauelins ( which they beare in their hands ) they support in Princes Courts the state of the Presence , as by office they are obliged ; which though heere they may seeme superfluous , yet for Honors sake they thus presume to visite thee , hauing also bin imployde in the Pallace of Queene Perfection . And though to them , that would make themselues gratious to a Goddesse , Sacrifices were fitter then Presents or Impresses , yet they both hope thy fauor , and ( in place of eyther ) vse seuerall Symboles containing the titles of thy imperiall Dignity . 1 The hit hermost in the changeable blew , and greene Roabe , is the commendably-fashionate Gallant Eucosmos ; whose Courtly Ha●it is the grace of the Presence , and delight of the surueying eye : whom Ladies vnderstand by the names of Neate , & Elegant . His Symbol is DIVAE VIRGINI , in which he would expresse thy Deities principall glory , which hath euer bin Virginity . 2 The second in the ritch Acoutrement , and Roabe of Purple empaled with Gold , is Eupathes ; who intertaines his minde with an harmlesse , but not incurious variety : All the Obiects of his sences are Sumptuous , himselfe a Gallant , that without excesse can make vse of superfluities : goe ritchly in Imbroyders , Iewels , ( and what not ? ) without Vanity ; and fare delicately without Gluttony : and therefore ( not without cause ) is vniuersally thought to be of fine humor . His Symbole is DIVAE OPTIMAE . An attribute to expresse thy Goodnesse in which thou so resemblest loue thy father . 3. The third in the blush-collourd Sute is Eutolmos , as duly respecting others , as neuer neglecting himselfe ; commonly knowne by the title of Good Audacitie , to Courts and courtly assemblies , a guest most acceptable . His Simbole is DIVAE VIRAGINI , To expresse thy hardy Courage , in chase of Sauage beasts which harbor in Woods , and Wildernesse . 4. The fourth in Watchet-Tinsell , is the kinde , and truly Benefique Eucolos . Who imparteth not without respect , but yet without difficulty : and hath the happinesse to make euery kindnesse seeme double , by the timely , and freely bestowing thereof , he is the chiefe of them who ( by the vulgar ) are said to be of Good Nature . His Symbole is DIVAE MAXIMAE . An Adiunct to signifie thy greatnesse , which in heauen , earth , and hell is formidable . SCENA . 5. THE MASQVES Ioyne . Cupid , Mercury . Cup. Is not that Amorphus the Traueller ? Mer. As though it were not ? do you not see how his legges are in trauaile with a Measure ? Cup. Hedon , thy maister is next . Mer. What will Cupid turne Nomenclator , and cry them ? Cup. No faith , but I haue a Comedy toward , that would not be lost for a kingdome . Mer. In good time , for Cupid will prooue the Comedy . Cup. Mercury , I am studying how to match them . Mer. How too mismatch them , were harder . Cup. It is the Nymphes must do it , I shall sport my selfe with their passions aboue measure . Mer. Those Nymphes would be tam'd a little indeed , but I feare thou hast not Arrowes for the purpose . Cup. O yes , here be of all sorts , Flightes , Rouers , and Butshafts . But I can wound with a Brandish , and neuer draw Bow for the matter . Mer. I cannot but beleeue it my inuisible Archer , and yet me thinkes you are tedious . Cup : It behoues me to be somewhat circumspect Mercury , for if Cynthia here the twange of my Bow , sneele go neare to whip me with the string ; therefore to preuent that , I thus discharge a Brandish vpon — it makes no matter which of the couples : Phantaste , and Amorphus at you . Mer. Will the shaking of a shaft , strike'hem into such a Feuer of Affection ? Cup. As well as the winke of an Eye : but I pray thee hinder me not with thy prattle . Mer. Ioue forbid I hinder thee . Marry all that I feare is Cynthias presence , which with the could of her Chaste●y , casteth such an Antiperistasis about the place , that no heate of thine will tarry with the Patient . Cup. It wiltarry the rather , for the Antiperistasis wil keep it in . Mer. I long to see the experiment . Cup. Why their marrow boyles already , or they are all turnd Eunuchs . Mer. Nay and 't be so , I le giue ouerspeaking , & be a Spectator onely . They daunce the 1. Strains . Amor. Cynthia ( by my bright soule ) is a right exquisite , and spendidious Lady ; yet Amorphus I thinke hath seene more fashions , I am sure more Countries ; but whether I haue or no : what need we gaze on Cynthia , that haue our selfe to admire ? Phan. O excellent Cynthia ; yet if Phantaste sat where shee do's , and had such a tyre on her head ( for attire can do much ) I say no more ; but Goddesses are Goddesses , and Phantaste is as she is . I would the R●u●ls were done once , I might goe to my Schoole of Glasse againe , and learne to do my selfe right after all this Ruffling . Mer. How now Cupid ? heer 's a wonderfull change with your Brandish ? do you not heare , how they doate ? Cup. What Prodigie is this ? no Word of Loue ? no Mention ? no Motion ? Mer. Not a word my little H●ll-fire , not a worde . Cup. Are my Darts enchanted ? is their vigor gone ? is their vertue — Mer. What ? Cupid turn'd iealous of himselfe ? ha , ha , ha . Cup. Laughes Mercury ? Mer. Is Cupid angry ? Cup. Hath he not cause , when his purpose is so deluded ? Mer. A rare Comedy , it shall be intitled ; Cupids . Cup. Doe not scorne vs Hermes . Mer. Chollar and Cupid are two fiery things ; I scorne 'hem not . But I see that come to passe which I presag'd in the beginning . Cup. You cannot tell : perhaps the Phisicke will not worke so soone vpon some , as vpon others . It may be the Rest are not so resty . Mer. Ex vngue , you know the olde Adage ; as these , so are the remainder . Cup. I le trye : this is the same Shafte with which I wounded Argurion . Mer. I , but let me saue you a labour Cupid : there were certaine Bottles of Water fetcht , and drunke off , ( since that time , ) by these Gallants . Cup. Ioue strike me into earth : The Fountaine of Selfe-loue ? Mer. Nay faint not Cupid . Cup. I remembred it not . Mer. Faith it was omenous to take the name of Anteros vpō you , you know not what Charme or Inchantment lyes in the worde : you saw I durst not venter vpon any Deuise in our presentment : but was content to be no other then a simple Page . Your Arrowes properties ( to keepe deco●um ) Cupid , are suted ( it should seeme ) to the nature of him you personate . Cup. Indignity not to be borne . M●r. Nay rather an attempt to haue bin forborne . Cup. How might I reuenge my selfe on this insulting Mercury ? ther 's Criticus his Minnion : he has not tasted of this water ? it shall be so . They daunce the 2. straine . Is Criticus turn'd Dotard on himselfe too ? Mer. That followes not , because the venome of your sha●ts cannot pierce him . Cup. As though there were one Antidote for these , & another for him ? Mer. As though there were not ? or as if one Effect might not arise of diuerse causes ? what say you to Cynthia , Arete , Phronesis Tim E , and others there ? Cup. They are diuine . M●r. And Criticus aspires to be so . Cup. But that shall not serue him . M●r. T is like to do prettily well at this time . But Cupid is growne too couetous , that will not spare one of a Multitude . Cup. One is more then a Multitude . Mer. Aretes fauour makes any one shot proofe against thee Cupid . They daunce the 3. straine . I pray thee light Hony-Bee , remember thou art not now in Adonis garden , but in Cynthias presence , where thornes 〈◊〉 garrison about the Roses . Soft Cynthia speakes . Cynthia . Ladyes and gallants , To giue a timely period to our sports , Let vs conclude them , with declining night ; Our Empire is but of the darker halfe : And if you iudge it any recompence ▪ For your faire paines , t' haue earnd Di●●as thanks ; Diana grants them : and bestowes their crowne To gratefie your acceptable Zeale . For you are they , that not ( as some haue done ) Do censure vs , as too seuere , and sower , But as ( more rightly ) Gratious to the Good ; Although we not deny , vnto the Proud , Or the Prophane , perhaps indeed austere : For so Actaeon by presuming farre , Did ( to our griefe ) incurre a fatall doome ; And so , swolne Niob● ( comparing more Then he presum'd ) was trophaeed into stone . But are we therefore iudged too extreame ? Seemes it no Crime to ●●●er sacred Bowers , And hallowed Places with impure aspect Most lewdly to pollute ? Seemes it no crime , To braue a Deity ? let Mortalls learne To make Religion of offending Heauen ; And not at all to censure powers diuine : To Men , this Argument should stand for firme , " A Goddesse did it ; therefore it was good : " We are not cruell , nor delight in blood . But what haue serious Repetitions To do with Reuels , and the sports of Court ? We not intend to sowre your late delights With harsh expostulation ; Let suffice That we take notice , and can take reuenge Of these calumnious , and lewd Blasphemies ; For we are no lesse Cynthia , then we were , Nor is our Power ( but as our Selfe ) the same : Though we haue now put on no tyre of shine But mortall eyes vndazled may endure . " Yeares , are beneath the Sphears ; and Time makes weake , " Things vnder Heauen ; not Powers which gouerne Heauen : And though our Selfe be in our selfe , secure , Yet let not mortalls challenge to themselues Immunity from thence ; Loe this is all : " Honor hath store of spleene , but wanteth Gall. Once more , we cast the slumber of our thankes On your tane toyle , which here let take an end : And that we not mistake your seuerall worths ▪ Nor you our Fauour ; from your selues remooue , What makes you not your selues ; those clouds of Masque : " Particular paines , particular thankes do aske . They Vnmasque . — Are we contemn'd ? Is there so little awe of our Disdeigne , That any ( vnder trust of their disguise ) Should mixe themselues with others of the Court ? And ( without forhead ) bouldly presse so farre ▪ As farther none ? 〈◊〉 apt is Lenity To be abusd ? Seu●rity to be loath'd ? And yet , how much more dooth the s●eming Face Of neighbor Vertues , and their borrowed Names , Adde of lewd Bouldnesse to loose Vanities ? Who would ha●n● thought that Philautia durst , Or haue vsurped noble Storge's name ? Or with that theft haue ventred on our eyes ? Who would haue thought that all of them should hope , So much of our conniuence , as to come To grace themselues , with Titles not their owne ? Insteed of Medicines haue we Maladies ? And such Impostumes , as Phantaste is , Grow in our Pallace ? we must lance these sores , Or all will putrifie : Nor are these all , For we suspect a farder fraud then this ; Take off our vaile , that shadows may depart , And shapes appeare , beloued Arete . So. Another Face of things presents it selfe Then did of late : what ? Featherd Cupid masqu'd ? And masqu'd like to Anteros ? but , more strange ! Deare Mercury our Brother , like a Page , To countenance the ambush of the Boy ? Nor endeth our discouery as yet ; Gelaia like a Nymph , that but ere while ( In male attire , ) did serue Anaides ? Cupid came hether to finde sport and Game , Who , heeretofore hath beene too conuersant Among our traine ; but neuer felt Reuenge : And Mercury bare Cupid company : Cupid , we must confesse this Time of mirth ( Proclaimd by vs ) gaue Opportunity , To thy attempts , although no Priuiledge ; Tempt vs no farther , we cannot endure Thy presence longer : Vanish , Hence , Away . Exit Cupid . You Mercury , we must intreate to stay , And heare what we determine of the rest ; For in this Plot , you haue the deepest hand : But ( for we meane not a Censorian tasque And yet to lance these vlcers growne so ripe ) Deare Arete , and Criticus , to you Wee giue the charge ; Impose what paines you please : Th'incurable cut of , the rest reforme ; Remembring euer what we first decreed , Since Reuels were proclaimd , Let now none bleede . Arete . How well Diana can distinguish Times ? And sort her Censures ? keeping to her selfe The doome of Gods , leauing the rest to vs ? Come , cite them Criticus and then proceede . Crit. First Philautia ( for she was the first ) Then light Gelaia , in Aglaias name , Thirdly Phantaste , and Moria next , Mayne follies all , and of the Female crue ; Amorphus , or Eucosmos counterfet , Voluptuous Hedon ta'ne for Eupathes , Brazen Anaides , and Asotus last , With his too Pages Morus , and Prosaites ; And thou the Trauailers Euill , Cos , approach , Impostors all , and male Deformities . Arete . Nay forward , for I delegate my power , And will , that at thy mercy they do stand Whom they so oft , so plainely scornd before : " T is vertue which they want , and wanting it , " Honour no garment to their backes can fit . Now Criticus , vse your Discretion . Crit. Adored Cynthia , and bright Arete ; Another might seeme fitter for this tasque Then Criticus , but that you iudge not so : For I ( not to appeare vindicatiue , Or mindfull of Contempts , which I contemn'd As done of Impotence ) must be remisse ; Who as I was the Author in some sort , To worke their knowledge into Cynthias sight , So should be much seuerer to reuenge The indignity , hence issuing to her Name : But ther 's not one of these , who are vnpaind , Or by themselues vnpunished ; for Vice Is like a fury to the vitious minde , And turnes Delight it selfe to Punishment . But we must forward to define their Doome ; You are Offenders , that must be confest . Do you confesse it ? Omnes . We doe . Crit. And that you merit sharpe Correction ? Omnes . We doe . Crit. Then we ( reseruing vnto Delias grace , Her farther pleasure , and to Arete What Delia graunteth ) thus do sentence you . That from this place ( for Penance knowne of all , Since you haue drunke so deeply of Selfe-loue ) You ( two and two ) singing a Palinode , March to your seuerall homes by Nio●es stone , And offer vp two teares a piece thereon ; That it may change the name , as you must change , And of a stone be called Weeping Crosse : Because it standeth crosse of Cynthias way , One of whose names is sacred TRIVIA . And after penance thus perform'd , you passe In like set order ; not as Midas did To wash his Golde off into Tagus streame ; But to the Well of Knowledge , Helicon , Where , purged of your present Maladies , ( Which are nor few , nor s●ender ) you become Such as you faine would seeme ; and then returne Offring your seruice to great Cynthia . This is your Sentence , if the Goddesse please To ratefie it with her high Consent : " The scope of wise Mirth vnto fruit is bent . Cyn. We do approoue thy Censure Criticu● ▪ Which Mercury , thy true propitious friend , ( A D●ity , next Ioue , belou'd of vs , ) Will vndertake to see exactly done . And for this seruice of Discouery Perform'd by thee , in honor of our name , We vow to guerdon it with such due grace , As shall become our Bountie , and thy Place . " Princes that would their People should do well , " Must at themselues begin , as at the heads ; " For men by their example patterne out " Their Imitations , and reguard of Lawes : " A vertuous Court , a world to vertue drawes . Exeunt , Cynthia , Arete , &c. Palinodia . Amo. From Spanish shrugs , French faces , Smirks , Irps , and all affected Humors . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Phan. From secret friends , sweet Seruants , Loues , Doues , and such Phantastique Humors . Chorus . ●ood Mercury defend vs. Amor. From stabbing of Armes , Flap-dragons , Healths , Whiffes , and all such swaggering Humors . Chorus . Good Mercurie defend vs. Phan. From wauing of Fannes , coy Glaunces , Glicks , Cringes , and all such simpring Humors . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Amo. From making loue by Attourney , courting of Pupp●ts , and paying for new acquaintance . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Phan. From perfum'd Dogs , Monkeys , Sparrowes , Dildos , and Parachitos . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Amo. From wearing Bracelets of Hayre , Shoo-tyes , Gloues , Garters , and Rings with Poesies . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Phan. From Pargetting , Painting , Slieking , Glazing , and Renewing old riueld Faces . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Amo. From Squiring to Tilt-yards , Play-Houses , Pageants , and all such Publique places . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Phan. From entertaining one Gallant to gull another , and making Fooles of eyther . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. Amo. From Belying Ladyes fauors , Noble-mens countenance , coyning counterfet Imployments , vain-glorious taking to them other mens Seruices , and all selfe-louing Humors . Chorus . Good Mercury defend vs. CANT . NOw each one dry his weeping Eyes , and to the Well of Knowledge hast ; Where purged of your Maladies , we may of sweeter waters taste : And with refined voice report , The Grace of Cynthia , and her Court. Finis Actus quinti & vltimi . Epilogus ▪ GEntles , be 't knowne to you , since I went in I am turn'd Rimer ; and do thus beginne : The Author ( iealous , how your sence doth take His trauayles ) hath enioyned me to make Some short , and Ceremonious Epilogue ; But if I yet know what , I am a Rogue : He ties me to such Lawes , as quite distract My thoughts ; and would a Yeare of time exact . I neither must be Faint , Remisse , nor Sory , Sower , Serious , Confident , nor Peremptory : But betwixt these . Le ts see ? to lay the blame Vpon the Childrens Action , that were lame . To craue your Fauours with a begging knee , Were to distrust the Writers faculty ; To promise better at the next we bring , Prorogues disgrace , commends not any thing . Stifly to stand on this , and proudly approoue The Play , might taxe the Maker of Selfe-loue . I le onely speake , what I haue heard him say ; By God 't is good , and if you lik't , you may , FINIS . Ecce rubet quidam , pallet , stupet , oscitat , odit . Hoc volo : nunc nobis carmina nostra placent . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A04653-e460 * Gelaia . * Moria . * Co● . * Prosaites * Morus . * Criticus . A04647 ---- Euery man in his humor As it hath beene sundry times publickly acted by the right Honorable the Lord Chamberlaine his seruants. Written by Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1601 Approx. 191 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 45 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A04647 STC 14766 ESTC S109361 99845011 99845011 9881 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04647) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 9881) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 425:02) Euery man in his humor As it hath beene sundry times publickly acted by the right Honorable the Lord Chamberlaine his seruants. Written by Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [88] p. [By S. Stafford] for Walter Burre, and are to be sould at his shoppe in Paules Church-yarde, Imprinted at London : 1601. Partly in verse. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: [A]² B-L⁴ M² . Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2002-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-10 Rina Kor Sampled and proofread 2002-12 Aptara Rekeyed and resubmitted 2003-01 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2003-01 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion EVERY MAN IN his Humor . As it hath beene sundry times publickly acted by the right Honorable the Lord Chamberlaine his seruants . Written by BEN. IOHNSON . Quod non dant proceres , dabit Histrio . Hand tamen inuidias vati , quem pulpita pascunt . Imprinted at London for Walter Burre , and are to be sould at his shoppe in Paules Church-yarde . 1601. The number and names of the Actors . Lorenzo senior . Prospero . Thorello . Stephano . Doctor Clement . Bobadilla . Musco . Cob. Giulliano . Lorenzo iunior . Biancha . Hesperida . Peto . Matheo . Pizo. Tib. EVERY MAN in his Humor . ACTVS PRIMVS , SCENA PRIMA . Enter Lorenzo di Pazzi Senior , Musco . NOw trust me , here 's a goodly day toward . Musco , call vp my sonne Lorenzo : bid him rise : tell him , I haue some businesse to imploy him in . Mus. I will , sir , presently . Lore . se. But heare you , sirrah ; If he be at study , disturbe him not . Mus. Very good , sir. Exit Musco . Lore . se. How happy would I estimate my selfe , Could I ( by any meane ) retyre my sonne , From one vayne course of study he affects ? He is a scholler ( if a man may trust The lib'rall voyce of double-toung'd report ) Of deare account , in all our Academies . Yet this position must not breede in me A fast opinion , that he cannot erre . My selfe was once a student , and indeede Fed with the selfe-same humor he is now , Dreaming on nought but idle Poetrie : But since , Experience hath awakt my sprit's , Enter Stephano . And reason taught them , how to comprehend The soueraigne vse of study . What , cousin Stephano ? What newes with you , that you are here so earely ? Steph. Nothing : but ●ene come to see how you doe , vncle . Lore . se. That 's kindly done , you are welcome , cousin . Steph. I , I know that sir , I would not haue come else : how doeth my cousin , vncle ? Lore . se. Oh well , well , goe in and see ; I doubt hee 's scarce stirring yet . Steph. Vncle , afore I goe in , can you tell me , and he haue ●'re a booke of the sciences of hawking and hun●ing ? I would fayne borrow it . Lor. Why I hope you will not a hawking now , will you ? Step. No wusse ; but I le practise against next yeare : I haue bought me a hawke , and bels and all ; I lacke nothing but a booke to keepe it by . Lor. Oh most ridiculous . Step. Nay looke you now , you are angrie vncle , why you know , and a man haue not skill in hawking and hunting now a daies , I le not giue a rush for him ; hee is for no gentlemans company , and ( by Gods will ) I scorne it I , so I doe , to bee a consort for euerie hum-drum ; hang them scroiles , ther 's nothing in them in the world , what doe you talke on it ? a gentleman must shew himselfe like a gentleman , vncle I pray you be not angrie , I know what I haue to do I trow , I am no nouice . Lor. Go to , you are a prodigal , and selfe-wild foole , Nay neuer looke at me , it 's I that speake , Take 't as you will , I le not flatter you . What ? haue you not meanes inow to wast That which your friends haue left you , but you must Go cast away your money on a Buzzard , And know not how to keepe it when you haue done ? Oh it 's braue , this will make you a gentleman , Well Cosen well , I see you are e'ene past hope Of all reclaime ; I so , now you are told on it , you looke another way . Step. What would you haue me do trow ? Lor. What would I haue you do ? mary Learne to be wise , and practise how to thriue , That I would haue you do , and not to spend Your crownes on euerie one that humors you : I would not haue you to intrude your selfe In euerie gentlemans societie , Till their affections or your owne desert , Do worthily inuite you to the place . For he that 's so respectlesse in his course , Oft sels his reputation vile and cheape . Let not your cariage , and behauiour taste Of affectation , lest while you pretend To make a blaze of gentrie to the world A little puffe of scorne extinguish it , And you be left like an vnsauorie snuffe , Whose propertie is onely to offend . Cosen , lay by such superficiall formes , And entertaine a perfect reall substance , Stand not so much on your gentility , Enter a ser●ingman . But moderate your expences ( now at first ) As you may keepe the same proportion still . Beare a low saile : soft who 's this comes here . Ser. Gentlemen , God saue you . Step. Welcome good friend , we doe not stand much vpon our gentilitie ; yet I can assure you mine vncle is a man of a thousand pounde land a yeare ; hee hath but one sonne in the world ; I am his next heire , as simple as I stand here , if my cosen die : I haue a faire liuing of mine owne too beside . Ser. In good time sir. Step. In good time sir ? you do not flout , do you ? Ser. Not I sir. Step. And you should , here be them can perceiue it , and that quickly too : Go too , and they can giue it againe soundly , and need be . Ser. Why sir let this satisfie you . Good faith I had no such intent . Step. By God , and I thought you had sir , I would talke with you . Ser. So you may sir , and at your pleasure . Step. And so I would sir , and you were out of mine vncle● ground , I can tell you . Lor. Why how now cosen , will this nere be left ? Step. Horson base fellow , by Gods lid , and 't were not for shame , I would . Lor. se. What would you do ? you peremptorie Asse , And yow le not be quiet , get you hence . You see , the gentleman contaynes himselfe In modest limits , giuing no reply To your vnseason'd rude comparatiues ; Yet yow le demeane your selfe , without respect Eyther of duty , or humanity . Goe get you in : fore God I am asham'd Exit Steph. Thou hast a kinsmans interest in me . Ser. I pray you , sir , is this Pazzi house ? Lor. se. Yes mary is it , sir. Ser. I should enquire for a gentleman here , one Signior Lorenzo di Pazzi ; doe you know any such , sir , I pray you ? Lore se. Yes , sir : or else I should forget my selfe ▪ Ser. I crye you mercy , sir , I was requested by a gentleman of Florence ( hauing some occasion to ride this way ) to deliuer you this letter . Lor. se. To me , sir ? What doe you mean● ? I pray you remember your curt'sy . To his deare and most elected friend , Signior Lorenzo di Pazzi . What might the gentlemans name be , sir , that sent it ? Nay , pray you be couer'd . Ser. Signior Prospero . Lore . se Signior Prospero ? A young gentleman of the family of Strozzi , is he not ? Ser. I , sir , the same : Signior Thorello , the rich Florentine merchant married his sister . Enter Musco . Lore . se. You say very true . Musco . Mus. Sir. Lore . se. Make this Gentleman drinke , here . I pray you goe in , sir , and 't please you . Exeunt . Now ( without doubt ) this letter 's to my sonne . Well : all is one : I le be so bold as reade it , Be it but for the styles sake , and the phrase ; Both which ( I doe presume ) are excellent , And greatly varied from the vulgar forme , If Prospero's inuention gaue them life . How now ? what stuffe is here ? Sirha Lorenzo , I muse we cannot see thee at Florence : S'blood , I doubt , Apollo hath got thee to be his Ingle , that thou commest not abroad , to v●s●t thine old friends : well , take heede of him ; hee may doe somewhat for his houshold seruants , or so ; But for his Retayners , I am sure , I haue knowne some of them , that haue followed him , three , foure , fiue yeere together , scorning the world with their bare heeles , & at length bene g●ad for a shift , ( though no cleane shift ) to lye a whole winter , in halfe a sheete , cursing Charles wayne , and the rest ●f the starres intolerably . But ( quis contra diuos ? ) well ; Sirha , sweete villayne , come and see me ; but spend one minute in my compa●y , and 't is inough : I thinke I haue a world of good le●ts for thee ▪ oh sirha , I can shew thee two of the most perfect , rare , & absolute true Gulls , that euer thou saw'st , if thou wil● come . S'blood , inuent some famous ●●morable lye , or other , to flap thy father in the mouth withall : thou hast bene father of a thousand , in thy dayes , 〈◊〉 could'st be no Poet else : any sciruy roguish excuse will serue ; say thou com●st but to fetch wooll for thine Inke-borne . And then too , thy Father will say thy wits are a wooll-gathering . But it 's no matter ; the worse , the better . Any thing is good inough for the old man. Sirha , how 〈◊〉 thy Father should see this now ? what would he think● of me ? Well , ( howeuer I write to thee ) ● reuerence him in my soule , for the generall good all Florence deliuers of him . Lorenzo , I coniure thee ( by what , let me see ) by the depth of our loue , by all the strange sights we haue seene in our dayes , ( I or nights eyther ) to come to me to Florence this day . Go to , you shall come , and let your Muses goe spinne for once . If thou wilt not , s'hart , what 's your gods name ? Apollo ? I ; Apollo If this melancholy rogue ( Lorenzo here ) doe not come , graunt , that he doe turne Foole presently , and neuer hereafter , be able to make a good Iest , or a blanke verse , but liue in more penurie of wit and Inuention , then eyther the Hall-Beadle , or Poet Nuntius . Well , ●t is the strangest letter that euer I read . Is this the man , my sonne ( so oft ) hath prays'd To be the happiest , and most pretious wit That euer was familiar with Art ? Now ( by our Ladies blessed sonne ) I sweare , I rather thinke him most infortunate , In the possession of such holy giftes , Being the master of so loose a spirit . Why what vnhallowed ruffian would haue writ , With so prophane a pen , vnto his friend ? The modest paper eene lookes pale for griefe To feele her virgin-cheeke defilde and staind With such a blacke and criminall inscription . Well , I had thought my son could not haue straied , So farre from iudgement , as to mart himselfe Thus cheapely , ( in the open trade of scorne ) To geering follie , and fantastique 〈◊〉 But now I see opinion is a foole , And hath abusde my sences . Musco . Enter Musco . Mus. Sir. Lor. se. What is the fellow gone that brought this letter ? Mus. Yes sir , a prettie while since . Lor. se. And wher 's Lorenz● ? Mus. In his chamber sir. Lor. se. He spake not with the fellow , did he ? Mus. No sir , he saw him not . Lor. se. Then Musco take this letter , and deliuer it vnto Lorenzo : but sirra , ( on your life ) take you no knowledge I haue open'd it . Mus. O Lord sir , that were a iest in deed . Exit Mus. Lor. se. I am resolu'd I will not crosse his iourney . Nor will I practise any violent meane , To stay the hot and lustie course of youth . For youth restraind straight growes impatient , And ( in condition ) like an eager dogge , Who ( ne're so little from his game withheld ) Turnes head and leapes vp at his masters throat . Therefore I le studie ( by some milder drift ) To call my sonne vnto a happier shrift . Exit . SCENA SECVNDA . Enter Lorenzo iunior , with Musco . Mus. Yes sir , ( on my word ) he opend it , & read the contents ▪ Lor. iu. It scarse contents me that he did so . But Musco didst thou obserue his countenance in the reading of it , whether hee were angrie or pleasde ? Mus. Why sir I saw him not reade it . Le. iu. No ? how knowest thou then that he opend it ? Mus. Marry sir because he charg'd mee ( on my life ) to tell no body that he opend it , which ( vnlesse he had done ) he wold neuer feare to haue it reueald . Lo. iu. That 's true : well Musco hie thee in againe , Least thy protracted absence do lend light , Enter Stephan . To darke suspition : Musco be assurde I le not forget this thy respectiue loue . Step. Oh Musco , didst thou not see a fellow here in a whatsha-callum doublet ; he brought mine vncle a letter euen now ? Mus. Yes sir , what of him ? Step. Where is he , canst thou tell ? Mus. Why he is gone . Step. Gone ? which way ? when went he ? how long since ? Mus. It s almost halfe an houre ago since he rid hence . Step. Horson Scanderbag rogue , oh that I had a horse ; by Gods lidde I 'de fetch him backe againe , with heaue and ho. Mus. Why you may haue my masters bay gelding , and you will. Step. But I haue no boots , that 's the spite on it . Mus. Then it s no boot to follow him . Let him go and hang sir. Step. I by my troth ; Musco , I pray thee help to trusse me a li●tle ; nothing angers mee , but I haue waited such a while for him all vnlac'd and vntrust yonder , and now to see hee is gone the other way . Mus. Nay I pray you stand still sir. Step. I will , I will : oh how it vexes me . Mus. Tut , neuer vexe your selfe with the thought of such a ba●e fellow as he . Step. Nay to see , he stood vpon poynts with me too . Mus. Like inough so ; that was , because he saw you had so fewe at your hose . Step. What ? Hast thou done ? God a mercy , good Musco . Mus. I marle , sir , you weare such ill-fauourd course stockings , hauing so good a legge as you haue . Step. Fo , the stockings be good inough for this time of the yeere ; but I le haue a payre of silke , e're it be long : I thinke , my legge would shewe well in a silke hose . Mus. I afore God would it rarely well . Step. In sadnesse I thinke it would : I haue a reasonable good legge . Mus. You haue an excellent good legge , sir : I pray you pardon me , I haue a little haste in , sir. Step. A thousand thankes , good Musco . Exit . What , I hope he laughs not at me ; and he doe — Lo. iun. Here is a style indeed , for a mans sences to leape ouer , e're they come at it : why , it is able to breake the shinnes of any old mans patience in the world . My father reade this with patience ? Then will I be made an Eunuch , and learne to sing Ballads . I doe not deny , but my father may haue as much patience as any other man ; for hee vses to take phisicke , and oft taking phisicke , makes a man a very patient creature . But , Signior Prospero , had your swaggering Epistle here , arriued in my fathers hands , at such an houre of his patience , ( I meane , when hee had tane phisicke ) it is to bee doubted , whether I should haue read sweete villaynt here . But , what ? My wise cousin ; Nay then , I le furnish our feast with one Gull more toward a messe ; hee writes to mee of two , and here 's one , that 's three , Ifayth . Oh for a fourth : now , Fortune , or neuer Fortune . Step. Oh , now I see who he laught at : hee laught at some body in that letter . By this good light , and he had laught at me , I would haue told mine vncle . Lo. iun. Cousin Stephano : good morrow , good cousin , how fare you ? Step. The better for your asking , I will assure you . I haue beene all about to seeke you ; since I came I saw mine vncle ; & ifaith how haue you done this great while ? Good Lord , by my troth I am glad you are well cousin . Lor. ●u . And I am as glad of your comming , I protest to you , for I am sent for by a priuate gentleman , my most speciall deare friend , to come to him to Florence this morning , and you shall go with me cousin , if it please you , not els , I will enioyne you no further then stands with your owne consent , and the condition of a friend . Step. Why cousin you shall command me and 't were twise so farre as Florence to do you good ; what doe you thinke I will not go with you ? I protest . Lo. iu. Nay , nay , you shall not protest . Step. By God , but I will sir , by your leaue I le protest more to my friend then I le speake of at this time . Lo. iu. You speake very well sir. Step. Nay not so neither , but I speake to serue my turne . Lo. iu. Your turne ? why cousin , a gentleman of so faire sort as you are , of so true cariage , so speciall good parts ; of so deare and choice estimation ; one whose lowest condition beares the stampe of a great spirit ; nay more , a man so grac'd , guilded , or rather ( to vse a more fit Metaph●r ) tinfoyld by nature , ( not that you haue a leaden constitution , couze , although perhaps a little inclining to that temper , & so the more apt to melt with pittie , when you fall into the fire of rage ) but for your lustre onely , which reflects as bright to the world as an old Ale-wiues pewter againe a good time ; and will you now ( with nice modestie ) hide such reall ornaments as these , and shadow their glorie as a Millaners wife doth her wrought stomacher , with a smoakie lawne or a blacke cipresse ? Come , come , for shame doe not wrong the qualitie of your desert in so poore a kind : but let the Idea of what you are , be portraied in your aspect , that men may reade in your lookes ; Here within this place is to be seene , the most admirable rare & accomplisht worke of nature ; Cousin what think you of this ? Step. Marry I do thinke of it , and I will be more melancholie , and gentlemanlike then I haue beene , I doe ensure you . Lo. iu. Why this is well : now if I can but hold vp this humor in him , as it is begun , Ca●so for Florence , match him & she can ; Come cousin . Step. I le follow you . Le. iu. Follow me ? you must go before . Step. Must I ? nay then I pray you shew me good cousin . Exeunt . SCENA TERTIA. Enter Signior Matheo , to him Cob. Mat. I thinke this be the house : what howgh ? Cob. Who 's there ? oh Signior Matheo . God giue you good morrow sir. Mat. What ? Cob ? how doest thou good Cob ? doest thou inhabite here Cob ? Cob. I sir , I and my lineage haue kept a poore house in our daies . Mat. Thy lineage monsieur Cob ? what lineage , what lineage ? Cob. Why sir , an ancient lineage , and a princely : mine ancetri● came from a kings loynes , no worse man ; and yet no man neither , but Herring the king of fish , one of the monarches of the world I assure you . I doe fetch my pedegree and name from the first redde herring that was eaten in Adam , & Eues kitchin : his Cob was my great , great , mighty great grandfather . Mat. Why mightie ? why mightie ? Cob. Oh it s a mightie while agoe sir , and it was a mightie great Cob. Mat. How knowest thou that ? Cob. How know I ? why his ghost comes to me euery night . Mat. Oh vnsauorie iest : the ghost of a herring Cob. Cob. I , why not the ghost of a herring Cob , as well as the ghost of Rashero Baccono , they were both broild on the coales : you are a scholler , vpsolue me that now . Mat. Oh rude ignorance . Cob canst thou shew me , of a gētleman , one Signior Bobadilla , where his lodging is ? Cob. Oh my guest sir , you meane ? Mat. Thy guest , alas ? ha , ha . Cob. Why do you laugh sir ? do you not meane signior Bobadilla ? Mat. Cob I pray thee aduise thy selfe well : do not wrong the gentleman , and thy selfe too . I dare be sworne hee scornes thy house hee . He lodge in such a base obscure place as thy house ? Tut , I know his disposition so well , he would not lie in thy bed if ●hould'st giue it him . Cob. I will not giue it him . Masse I thought ( somewhat was in it ) we could not get him to bed all night . Well sir , though he lie not on my bed , he lies on my bench , and 't please you to go vp sir , you shall find him with two cushions vnder his head , and his cloake wrapt about him , as though he had neither won nor lost , and yet I warrant hee ne're cast better in his life then hee hath done to night . Mat. Why was he drunke ? Cob. Drunk sir ? you heare not me say so ; perhaps he swallow'd a tauerne token , or some such deuise sir ; I haue nothing to doe withal : I deale with water and not with wine . Giue me my tankard there , ho. God be with you sir , it s sixe a clocke : I should haue caried two turnes by this , what ho ? my stopple come . Mat. Lie in a waterbearers house , a gentleman of his note ? well I le tell him my mind . Exit . Cob. What Tib , shew this gentleman vp to Signior Bobadilla : oh and my house were the Brazen head now , faith it would eene crie moe fooles yet : you should haue some now , would take him to be a gentleman at the least ; alas God helpe the simple , his father 's an honest man , a good fishmonger , and so forth : and now doth he creep and wriggle into acquaintance with all the braue gallants about the towne , such as my guest is , ( oh my guest is a fine man ) and they ●lout him inuinciblie . He vseth euery day to a Marchāts house ( where I serue water ) one M. Thorellos ; and here 's the iest , he is in loue with my masters sister , and cals her mistres : and there he sits a whole afternoone sometimes , reading of these same abhominable , vile , ( a poxe on them , I cannot abide them ) rascally verses , Poetrie , poetrie , and speaking of E●terludes , t' will make a man burst to heare him : and the wenches , they doe so geere and ti●e at him ; well , should they do as much to me , I ld forsweare them all , by the life of Pharoah , there 's an oath : how many waterbearers shall you heare sweare such an oath ? oh I haue a guest ( he teacheth me ) he doth sweare the best of any man christned : By Phoebus , By the life of Pharaoh , By the body of me , As I am gentleman , and a soldier : such daintie oathes ; & withall he doth take this same filthie roaguish Tabacco the finest , and cleanliest ; it wold do a man good to see the fume come forth at his nostrils : well , he owes me fortie shillings ( my wife lent him out of her purse ; by sixpence a time ) besides his lodging ; I would I had it : I shall haue it he saith next Action ▪ Helter skelter , hang sorrow , care will kill a cat , vptailes all , and a poxe on the hangman . Exit . Bobadilla discouers himselfe : on a bench ; to him Tib. Bob. Hostesse , hostesse . Tib. What say you sir ? Bob. A cup of your small beere sweet hostesse . Tib. Sir , ther 's a gentleman below would speake with you . Bob. A gentleman , ( Gods so ) I am not within . Tib. My husband told him you were sir. Bob. What ha plague ? what meant he ? Mat. Signior Bobadilla . Matheo within . Bob. Who 's there ? ( take away the bason good hostesse ) come vp sir. Tib. He would desire you to come vp sir ; you come into a cleanly house here . Mat. God saue you sir , God saue you . Enter Matheo . Bob. Signior Matheo , is 't you sir ? please you sit downe . Mat. I thanke you good Signior , you may see , I am somewhat audacious . Bob. Not so Signior , I was requested to supper yesternight ▪ by a sort of gallants where you were wisht for , and drunke to I assure you . Mat. Vouchsafe me by whom good Signior . Bob. Marrie by Signior Prosper● , and others , why hostesse , a stoole here for this gentleman . Mat. No haste sir , it is very well . Bob. Bodie of me , it was so late ere we parted last night , I can scarse open mine eyes yet ; I was but new risen as you came : how passes the day abroad sir ? you can tell . Mat. Faith some halfe houre to seuen : now trust me you haue an exceeding fine lodging here , very neat , and priuate . Bob. I sir , sit downe I pray you : Signior Matheo ( in any case ) possesse no gentlemen of your acquaintance with notice of my lodging . Mat. Who I sir ? no. Bob. Not that I neede to care who know it , but in regard I would not be so popular and generall , as some be . Mat. True Signior , I conceiue you . Bob. For do you see sir , by the hart of my selfe ( except it be to some peculiar and choice spirits , to whom I am extraordinarily ingag'd , as your selfe , or so ) I would not extend thus farre . Mat. O Lord sir I resolue so . Bob. What new booke haue you there ? what ? Go by Hier●●imo . Mat. I , did you euer see it acted ? is 't not well pend ? Bob. Well pend : I would faine see all the Poets of our time pen such another play as that was ; they I prate and swagger , and keepe a stirre of a●te and deuises , when ( by Gods so ) they are the most shallow pittifull fellowes that liue vpon the face of the earth againe . Mat. Indeede , here are a number of fine speeches in this booke : Oh eyes , no eyes but fountaines fraught with teares ; there 's a conceit : Fountaines fraught with teares . Oh life , no life , but liuely forme of death : is 't not excellent ? Oh world , no world , but masse of publique wrongs ; O Gods mee : confusde and fild with murther and misdeeds . Is 't not simply the best that euer you heard ? Ha , how do you like it ? Bob. T is good . Mat. To thee the purest obiect to my senc● , The most refined essence heauen couers , Send I these lines , wherein I do commence The happie state of true deseruing louers . If they proue rough , vnpolish't , harsh and rude , Haste made that waste ; thus mildly I conclude . Bob. Nay proceed , proceed , where 's this ? where 's this ? Mat. This sir , a toy of mine owne in my nonage : but when will you come and see my studie ? good faith I can shew you some verie good thinges I haue done of late : that boote becomes your legge passing well sir , me thinks . Bob. So , so , it 's a fashion gentlemen vse . Mat. Masse sir , and now you speake of the fashion , Signior Prosperos elder brother and I are fallen out exceedingly : this other day I hapned to enter into some discourse of a hanger , which I assure you , both for fashion & workmanship was most beautifull and gentlemanlike ; yet hee condemned it for the most pide and ridiculous that euer he saw . Bob. Signior Giuliano , was it not ? the elder brother ? Mat. I sir , he . Bob. Hang him Rooke he ? why he has no more iudgement then a malt horse . By S. George , I hold him the most peremptorie absurd clowne ( one a them ) in Christendome : I protest to you ( as I am a gentleman and a soldier ) I ne're talk't with the like of him : he ha's not so much as a good word in his bellie , all iron , iron , a good commoditie for a smith to make hobnailes on . Mat. I , and he thinkes to carrie it away with his manhood still where he comes : he brags he will giue mee the bastinado , as I heare . Bob. How , the bastinado ? how came he by that word trow ? Mat. Nay indeed he said cudgill me ; I tearmd it so for the more grace . Bob. That may bee , for I was sure it was none of his word : but when , when said he so ? Mat. Faith yesterday they say , a young gallant a friend of mine told me so . Bob. By the life of Pharaoh , and 't were my case nowe , I should send him a challenge presently : the bastinado ? come hither , you shall challenge him ; I le shew you a tricke or two , you shall kill him at pleasure , the first stockado if you will , by this ayre . Mat. Indeed you haue absolute knowledge in the mistery , I haue heard sir. Bob. Of whom ? of whom I pray ? Mat. Faith I haue heard it spoken of diuers , that you haue verie rare skill sir. Bob. By heauen , no , not I , no skill in the earth : some small science , know my time , distance , or so , I haue profest it more for noblemen and gentlemens vse , then mine owne practise I assure you . Hostesse , lend vs another bedstaffe here quickly : looke you sir , exalt not your point aboue this state at any hand , and let your poyneard maintaine your defence thus : giue it the gentleman . So sir , come on , oh twine your bodie more about , that you may come to a more sweet comely gentleman-like guard ; so indifferent . Hollow your bodie more sir , thus : now stand fast on your left leg , note your distance , keep your due proportion of time : oh you disorder your point most vilely . Mat. How is the bearing of it now sir ? Bob. Oh out of measure ill , a well experienced man would passe vpon you at pleasure . Mat. How meane you passe vpon me ? Bob. Why thus sir ? make a thrust at me ; come in vpon my time ; controll your point , and make a full carriere at the bodie : the best practis'd gentlemen of the time terme it the passado , a most desperate thrust , beleeue it . Mat. Well , come sir. Bob. Why you do not manage your weapons with that facilitie and grace that you should doe , I haue no spirit to play with you , your dearth of iudgement makes you seeme tedious . Mat. But one ve●y sir. Bob. Fie veney , most grosse denomination , as euer I heard : oh the stockado while you liue Signior , note that . Come put on your cloake , and wee le go to some priuate place where you are acquainted , some tauerne or so , & wee le se●d for one of these fencers , where he shall breath you at my direction , and then I le teach you that tricke , you shall kill him with it at the first if you please : why I le learne you by the true iudgement of the eye , hand and foot , to controll any mans point in the world ; Should your aduersary confront you with a pistoll , t' were nothing , you should ( by the same rule ) controll the bullet , most certaine by Phoebus : vnles it were haile-shot : what mony haue you about you sir ? Mat. Faith I haue not past two shillings , or so . Bob. T is somewhat with the least , but come , when we haue done , wee le call vp Signior Prospero ; perhaps we shal meet with Coridon his brother there . Exeunt ▪ SCENA QVARTA . Enter Thor●llo , Giuliano , Piso. Tho. Piso , come hither : there lies a note within vpon my deske ; here take my key : it 's no matter neither , where 's the boy ? Piso. Within sir , in the warehouse . Thor. Let him tell ouer that Spanish gold , and weigh it , and do you see the deliuerie of those wares to Signior Bentiuol● : I le be there my selfe at the receipt of the money anon . Piso. Verie good sir. Exit Piso. Tho. Brother , did you see that same fellow there ? Giu. I , what of him ? Tho. He is e'ene the honestest faithfull seruant , that is this day in Florence ; ( I speake a proud word now ) and one that I durst trust my life into his hands , I haue so strong opinion of his loue , if need were . Giu. God send me neuer such need : but you said you had somewhat to tell me , what is 't ? Tho. Faith brother , I am loath to vtter it , As fearing to abuse your patience , But that I know your iudgement more direct , Able to sway the nearest of affection . Giu. Come , come , what needs this circumstance ? Tho. I will not say what honor I ascribe Vnto your friendship , nor in what deare state I hold your loue ; let my continued zeale , The constant and religious regard , That I haue euer caried to your name , My cariage with your sister , all contest , How much I stand affected to your house . Giu. You are too tedious , come to the matter , come to the matter . Tho. Then ( without further ceremony ) thus . My brother Prospero ( I know not how ) Of late is much declin'd from what he was , And greatly alterd in his disposition . When he came first to lodge here in my house , Ne're trust me , if I was not proud of him : Me thought he bare himselfe with such obseruance , So true election and so faire a forme : And ( what was chiefe ) it shewd not borrowed in him , But all he did became him as his owne , And seemd as perfect , proper , and innate , Vnto the mind , as collor to the blood , But now ▪ his course is so irregular , So loose affected , and depriu'd of grace . And he himselfe withall so farre falne off From his first place , that scarse no note remaines , To tell mens iudgements where he lately stood ; Hee 's growne a stranger to all due respect , Forgetfull of his friends , and not content To stale himselfe in all societies , He makes my house as common as a Mart , A Theater , a publike receptacle For giddie humor , and diseased riot , And there , ( as in a Tauerne , or a stewes , ) He , and his wilde associates , spend their houres , In repetition of lasciuious ●e●ts , Sweare , leape , and dance , and reuell night by night , Controll my seruants : a●d indeed what not ? Giu. Faith I know not what I should say to him : so God saue mee , I am eene at my wits end , I haue tolde him inough , one would thinke , if that would serue : well , he knowes what to trust to for me : let him spend , and spend , and domineere till his hart ake : & he get a peny more of me , I le giue him this ●are . Tho. Nay good Brother haue patience . Giu. S'blood , he mads me , I could eate my very flesh for anger : I marle you will not tell him of it , how he disquiets your house ▪ Tho. O there are diūers reasons to disswade me , But would your selfe vouchsafe to trauaile in it , ( Though but with plaine , and easie circumstance , ) It would , both come much better to his sence , And sauor lesse of griefe and discontent . You are his elder brother , and that title Confirmes and warrants your authoritie : Which ( seconded by your aspect ) will breed A kinde of duty in him , and regard . Whereas , if I should intimate the least , It would but adde contempt , to his neglect , Heape worse on ill , reare a huge pile of hate , That in the building , would come tottring downe , And in her ●uines , bury all our loue . Nay more then this brother ; ( if I should speake ) He would be ready in the heate of passion , To fill the eares of his familiars , With oft reporting to them , what disgrace And grosse disparagement , I had propos'd him . And then would they straight back him , in opinion , Make some loose comment vpon euery word , And out of their distracted phantasies ; Contriue some slander , that should dwell with me . And what would that be thinke you ? mary this , They would giue out , ( because my wife is fayre , My selfe but lately married , and my sist●r Heere soiourning a virgin in my house ) That I were iealous : nay , as sure as death , Thus they would say : and how that I had wrongd My brother purposely , thereby to finde An apt pretext to banish them my house . Giu. Masse perhaps so . Tho. Brother they would beleeue it : so should I ( Like one of these penurious quack-slaluers , ) But trie experiments vpon my selfe , Open the gates vnto mine owne disgrace , Lend bare-ribd enuie , oportunitie . To stab my reputation , and good name . Enter Boba . and Matheo . Mat. I will speake to him . Bob. Speake to him ? away , by the life of Pharoah you shall not , you shall not do him that grace : the time of daye to you Gentleman : is Signior Prospero stirring ? Giu. How then ? what should he doe ? Bob. Signior Thorello , is he within sir ? Tho. He came not to his lodging to night sir , I assure you . Giu. Why do you heare ? you . Bob. This gentleman hath satisfied me , I le talke to no Scauenger . Giu. How Scauenger ? stay sir stay . Exeunt . Tho. Nay Brother Giuliano . Giu. S'blood stand you away , and you loue me . Tho. You shall not follow him now I pray you , Good faith you shall not . Giu. Ha ? Scauenger ? well goe to , I say little , but , by this good day ( God forgiue me I should sweare ) if I put it vp so , say I am the rankest — that euer pist . S'blood and I swallowe this , I le neere drawe my sworde in the sight of man againe while I liue ; I le ●it in a Barne with Madge-owlet first , Scauenger ? ' Hart and I le goe neere to fill that hug● timbrell slop of yours with somewhat and I haue good lucke , your Garagantua breech cannot carry it away so . Tho. Oh do not fret your selfe thus , neuer thinke o●'t . Giu. These are my brothers consorts these , these are his Cumrades , his walking mates , hee s a gallant , a Caueliero too , right hangman cut , God let me not liue , and I could not finde in my hart to swinge the whole ne●t of them , one after another , and begin with him first , I am grieu'd it should be said he is my brother , and take these courses , well he shall heare on 't , and that tightly too , and I liue Ifaith . Tho. But brother , let your apprehension ( then ) Runne in an easie current , not transported With heady rashnes , or deuouring choller , And rather carry a perswading spirit , Whose powers will pearce more gently ; and allure , Th' imperfect thoughts you labour to reclaime , To a more sodaine and resolu'd assent . Giu. I , I , let me alone for that I warrant you . Bell ring● . Tho. How now ? oh the bell rings to breakefast . Brother Giuliano , I pray you go in and beare my wife company : I le but giue order to my seruants for the dispatche of some busines and come to you presently . Exit Guil. Enter Cob. What Cob ? our maides will haue you by the back ( Ifaith ) For comming so late this morning . Cob. Perhaps so sir , take heede some body haue not the● ▪ by the belly for walking so late in the euening . Exit . Tho. Now ( in good faith ) my minde is somewhat easd , Though not repo●d in that securitie , As I could wish ; well , I must be content , How e're I set a face on 't to the world , Would I had lost this ●inger at a vente , So Prospero had ne're lodg'd in my house , Why 't cannot be , where there is such resort Of wanton gallants , and young reuellers , That any woman should be honest long . I' st like , that factious beauty will preserue The soueraigne state of chastitie vnscard , When such strong motiues muster , and make head Against her single peace ? no , no : beware When mutuall pleasure swayes the appetite , And spirits of one kinde and qualitie , Do meete to parlee in the pride of blood . Well ( to be plaine ) if I but thought , the time Had answer'd their affections : all the world Should not perswade me , but I were a cuckold : Mary I hope they haue not got that start . For opportunity hath balkt them yet , And shall do still , while I haue eyes and eares To attend the imposition of my hart , My presence shall be as an Iron Barre , Twixt the conspiring motions of desire , Yea euery looke or glaunce mine eye obiects , Shall checke occasion , as one doth his slaue , When he forgets the limits of prescription . Enter Bia●cha , with Hesperida . Bia. Sister Hesperida , I pray you fetch downe the Rose water aboue in the closet : Sweete hart will you come in to breakfast . Exit Hesperida . Tho. And she haue ouer-heard me now ? Bia. I pray thee ( good Musse ) we stay for you . Tho. By Christ I would not for a thousand crownes . Bia. VVhat ayle you sweete hart , are you not well , speake good Musse . Tho. Troth my head akes extreamely on a suddaine . Bia. Oh Iesu ! Tho. How now ? what ? Bia. Good Lord how it burnes ? Musse keepe you warme , good truth it is this new disease , there 's a number are troubled withall : for Gods sake sweete heart , come in out of the ayre . Tho. How simple , and how subtill are her answeres ? A new disease , and many troubled with it . Why true , she heard me all the world to nothing . Bia. I pray thee good sweet heart come in ; the ayre will do you harme in troth . Tho. I le come to you presently , it will away I hope . Bia. Pray God it do . Exit . Tho. A new disease ? I know not , new or old . But it may well be call'd poore mortals Plague ; For like a pestilence it doth infect The houses of the braine : first it begins Solely to worke vpon the fantasie , Filling her seat with such pestiferous aire , As soone corrupts the iudgement , and from thence , Sends like contagion to the memorie , Still each of other catching the infection , Which as a searching vapor spreads it selfe Confusedly through euery sensiue part , Till not a thought or motion in the mind Be free from the blacke poison of suspect . Ah , but what error is it to know this , And want the free election of the soule In such extreames ? well , I will once more striue , ( Euen in despight of hell ) my selfe to be , And shake this feauer off that thus shakes me . Exit . ACTVS SECVNDVS , SCENA PRIMA . Enter Musco disguised like a soldier . Musco . S'blood , I cannot chuse but laugh to see my selfe translated thus , from a poore creature to a creator ; for now must I create an intolerable sort of lies , or else my profession looses his grace , and yet the lie to a man of my coat , is as ominous as the 〈◊〉 oh sir , it holds for good policie to haue that outwardly in vilest estimation , that inwardly is most deare to vs : So much for my borrowed shape . Well , the troth is , my maister intends to follow his sonne drie-foot to Florence , this morning : now I knowing of this conspiracie , and the rather to insinuate with my young master , ( ●or so must wee that are blew waiters , or men of seruice doe , or else perhaps wee may weare motley at the yeares end , and who weares motley you know : ) I haue got me afore in this disguise , determining here to lie in ambuscado , & intercept him in the midway : If I can but get his cloake , his purse , his hat , nay any thing so I can stay his iourney , Rex Regum , I am made for euer ifaith : well , now must I practise to get the true garbe of one of these Launce-knights : my arme here , and my : Gods so , young master and his cousin . Enter Lo. iu. and Step. Lo. iu. So sir , and how then ? Step. Gods foot , I haue lost my purse , I thinke . Lo. iu. How ? lost your purse ? where ? when had you it ? Step. I cannot tell , stay . Mus. S'lid I am afeard they will know me , would I could get by them . Lo. iu. What ? haue you it ? Step. No , I thinke I was bewitcht , I. Lo. iu. Nay do not weep , a poxe on it , hang it let it go . Step. Oh it 's here , nay and it had beene lost , I had not car'd but for a ●et ring Marina ●ent me . Lo. iu. A iet ring ? oh the poesie , the poesie ? Step. Fine ifaith : Though fancie sleepe , my loue is deepe : meaning that though I did not fancie her , yet shee loued mee dearely . Lo. iu. Most excellent . Step. And then I sent her another , and my poesie was ; The deeper the sweeter , I le be iudg'd by Saint Peter . Lo. iu. How , by S. Peter ? I do not conceiue that . Step. Marrie , S. Peter to make vp the meeter . Lo. iu. Well , you are beholding to that Saint ▪ 〈◊〉 help't you at your need ; thanke him , thanke him . Mus. I will venture , come what will : Gentlemen , please you chaunge a few crownes for a verie excellent good blade here ; I am a poore gentleman , a soldier , one that ( in the better state of my fortunes ) scornd so meane a refuge , but now it s the humour of necessitie to haue it so : you seeme to be gentlemen well affected to martiall men , els I should rather die with silence , then liue with shame : how e're , vouchsafe to remember it is my want speakes , not my selfe : this condition agrees not with my spirit . Lo. iu. Where hast thou seru'd ? Mus. May it please you Signior , in all the prouinces of Bohemia , Hungaria , Dalmatia , Poland , where not ? I haue beene a poore seruitor by sea and land , any time this xiiij . yeares , and follow'd the fortunes of the best Commaunders in Christendome . I was twise shot at the taking of Aleppo , once at the reliefe of Vienna ; I haue beene at America in the galleyes thrise ▪ where I was most dangerously shot in the head , through both the thighes , and yet being thus maim'd I am voide of maintenance , nothing left me but my scarres , the noted markes of my resolution . Step. How will you sell this Rapier friend ? Mus. Faith Signior , I referre it to your owne iudgement ; you are a gentleman , giue me what you please . Step. True , I am a gentleman , I know that ; but what though , I pray you say , what would you aske ? Mus. I assure you the blade may become the side of the best prince in Europe . Lo. iu. I , with a veluet scabberd . Step. Nay and 't be mine it shall haue a veluet scabberd , that is flat , ●'de not weare it as'tis and you would giue me an angell . Mus. At your pleasure Signior , nay it 's a most pure Toledo . Step. I had rather it were a Spaniard : but tell me , what shal I giue you for it ? and it had a siluer hilt — Lo. iu. Come , come , you shall not buy it ; holde there 's a shilling friend , take thy Rapier . Step. Why but I will buy it now , because you say so : what shall I go without a rapier ? Lo. iu. You may buy one in the citie . Step. Tut , I le buy this , so I will ; tell me your lowest price . Lo. iu. You shall not I say . Step. By Gods lid , but I will , though I giue more then 't is worth . Lo. iu. Come away , you are a foole . Step. Friend , I le haue it for that word : follow me . Mus. At your seruice Signior . Exeunt . SCENA SECVNDA . Enter Lorenzo senior . Lore . My labouring spirit being late opprest With my sonnes follie , can embrace no rest , Till it hath plotted by aduise and skill , How to reduce him from affected will To reasons manage ; which while I intend , My troubled soule beginnes to apprehend A farther secret , and to meditate Vpon the difference of mans estate : Where is deciphered to true iudgements eye A deep , conceald , and precious misterie . Yet can I not but worthily admire At natures art : who ( when she did inspire This heat of life ) plac'd Reason ( as a king ) Here in the head , to haue the marshalling Of our affections : and with soueraigntie To sway the state of our weake empe●ie , But as in diuers commonwealthes we see , The forme of gouernment to disagree : Euen so in man who searcheth soone shal find As much or more varietie of mind . Some mens affections like a fullen wife , Is with her husband reason still at strife . Others ( like proud Arch-traitors that rebell Against their soueraigne ) practise to expell Their liege Lord Reason , and not shame to tread Vpon his holy and annointed head . But as that land or nation best doth thriue , Which to smooth-fronted peace is most procliue , So doth that mind , whose faire affections rang'd By reasons rules , stand constant and vnchang'd , Els , if the power of reason be not such , Why do we attribute to him so much ? Or why are we obsequious to his law , If he want spirit our affects to awe ? Oh no , I argue weakly , he is strong , Enter Musco . Albeit my sonne haue done him too much wrong . Mus. My master : nay faith haue at you : I am flesht now I haue sped so well : Gentleman , I beseech you respect the estate of a poor soldier ; I am asham'd of this base course of life ( God's my comfort ) but extremitie prouokes me to 't , what remedie ? Loren. I haue not for you now . Mus. By the faith I beare vnto God , gentleman , it is no o●●dinarie custome , but onely to preserue manhood . I protest to you , a man I haue bin , a man I may be , by your sweet bountie . Lor. I pray thee good friend be satisfied . Mus. Good Signior : by Iesu you may do the part of a kind gentleman , in lending a poore soldier the price of two cans of beere , a matter of small value , the King of heauen shall pay you , and I shall rest thankfull : sweet Signior . Loren. Nay and you be so importunate — Mus. Oh Lord sir , need wil haue his course : I was not made to this vile vse ; well , the edge of the enemie could not haue abated me so much : it 's hard when a man hath serued in his Princes cause and be thus . Signior , let me deriue a small peece of siluer from you , it shall not be giuen in the course of time , by this good ground , I was faine to pawne my rapier last night for a poore supper , I am a Pagan els : sweet Signior . Loren. Beleeue me I am rapte with admiration , To thinke a man of thy exterior presence , Should ( in the constitution of the mind ) Be so degenerate , infirme , and base . Art thou a man ? and sham'st thou not to beg ? To practise such a seruile kinde of life ? Why were thy education ne're so meane , Hauing thy limbes : a thousand fairer courses Offer themselues to thy election . Nay there the warres might still supply thy wants , Or seruice of some vertuous Gentleman , Or honest labour ; nay what can I name , But would become thee better then to beg ? But men of your condition feede on sloth , As doth the Scara●e on the dung she breeds in , Not caring how the temper of your spirits Is eaten with the rust of idlenesse . Now afore God , what e're he be , that should Releeue a person of thy qualitie , While you insist in this loose desperate course , I would esteeme the sinne not th●ne but his . Mus. Faith signior , I would gladly finde some other course if so ▪ Loren. I , you 'ld gladly finde it , but you will not seeke it . Mus. Alas●e sir , where should a man seeke ? in the warres , there 's no assent by desart in these dayes , but : and for seruice would it were as soone purchast as wisht for ( Gods my comfort ) I know what I would say . Loren. What 's thy name . Mus. Please you : Portensi● . Loren. Portensio ? Say that a man should entertaine thee now , Would thou be honest , humble , iust and true . Mus. Signior : by the place and honor of a souldier . Loren. Nay , nay , I like not these affected othes ; Speake plainly man : what thinkst thou of my words ? Mus. Nothing signior , but wish my fortunes were as happy as my seruice should be honest . Loren. Well follow me , I le prooue thee , if thy deedes Will cary a proportion to thy words . Exit Lor. M●s. Yes sir straight , I le but g●rter m●●ose ; oh that my bellie were hoopt now , for I am readie to burst with laughing . S●lid , was there euer seene a foxe in yeares to betray himselfe thus ? now shall I be possest of all his determinations , and consequently and my young master well hee is resolu'd to proue my honestie : faith and I am resolued to proue his patience : oh I shall abuse him intollerablie : this small peece of seruice will bring him cleane out of loue with the soldier for euer . It 's no matter , let the world thinke me a bad counterfeit , if I cannot giue him the slip at an instant : why this is better then to haue staid his iourney by halfe , well I le follow him ; oh how I long to be imployed . Exit . SCENA TERTIA. Enter Prospero , Bobadilla , and Mathe● . Mat. Yes faith sir , we were at your lodging to seeke you too . Pros. Oh I came not there to night . Bob. Your brother deliuered vs as much . Pros. Who Giuliano ? Bob. Ciuliano ▪ Signior Prospero , I know not in what kinde you value me , but let me tell you this : as sure as God I do hold it so much out of mine honor & reputation , if I should but cast the least regard vpon such a dunghill of flesh ; I protest to you ( as I haue a soule to bee saued ) I ne're saw any gentlemanlike part in him : and there were no more men liuing vpon the face of the earth , I should not fancie him by Phoebus . Mat. Troth nor I , he is of a rusticall cut , I know not how : he doth not carrie himselfe like a gentleman . Pros. Oh Signior Matheo , that 's a grace peculiar but to a few ; quos aequus amauit Iupiter . Mat. I vnderstand you sir. Enter Lorenzo iunior , and Step. Pros. No question you do sir : Lorenzo ; now on my soule welcome ; how doest thou sweet raskall ? my Genius ? S'blood I shal loue Apollo , & the m●d Thespian girles the better while I ●ue for this ; my deare villaine , now I see there 's some spirit in thee : Sirra these be they two I writ to thee of , nay what a drowsie humor is this now ? why doest thou not speake ? Lo. Iu. Oh you are a fine gallant , you sent me a rare letter . Pros. Why was 't not rare ? Lo. Iu. Yes I le be sworne I was ne're guiltie of reading the like , match it in all Pli●ies familiar Epistles , and I le haue my iudgement burnd in the ●are for a rogue , make much of thy vaine , for it is inimitable . But I marle what Camell it was , that had the cariage of it ? for doubtlesse he was no ordinarie beast that brought it . Pros. Why ? Lo. Iu. Why sayest thou ? why doest thou thinke that any reasonable creature , especially in the morning , ( the sober time of the day too ) would haue taine my father for me ? Pros. S'blood you iest I hope ? Lo. Iu. Indeed the best vse we can turne it too , is to make a iest on 't now : but I le assure you , my father had the prouing of your copy , some howre before I saw it . Pros. What a dull slaue was this ? But sirrah what sayd he to it yfaith ? Lo. Iu. Nay I know not what he said . But I haue a shrewd gesse what he thought . Pro. What ? what ? Lo. Iu. Mary that thou are a damn'd dissolute villaine , And I some graine or two better , in keeping thee company . Pros. Tut that thought is like the Moone in the last quarter , t will change shortly : but sirrha , I pray thee be acquainted with my two Zanies heere , thou wilt take exceeding pleasure in them if thou hearst them once , but what strange peece of silence is this ? the signe of the dumbe man ? Lo. Iu. Oh sir a ki●sman of mine , one that may make our Musique the fuller and he please , he hath his humor sir. Pros. Oh what i st ? what i st ? Lo. Iu. Nay : I le neyther do thy iudgement , nor his folly that wrong , as to prepare thy apprehension : I le leaue him to the mercy of the time , if you can take him : so . Pros. Well signior Bobadilla : signior Matheo : I pray you know this Gentleman here , he is a friend of mine , & one that will wel deserue your affection , I know not your name signior , but I shal be glad of any good occasion , to be more familiar with you . Step. My name is signior Stephano , sir , I am this Gentlemans cousin , sir his father is mine vnckle ; sir , I am somewhat melancholie , but you shall commaund me sir , in whatsoeuer is incident to a Gentleman . Bob. Signior , I must tell you this , I am no generall man , embrace it as a most high fauour , for ( by the host of Egypt ) but that I conceiue you , to be a Gentleman of some parts , I loue few words : you haue wit : imagine . Step. I truely sir , I am mightily giuen to melancholy . Mat. Oh Lord sir , it 's your only best humor sir , your true melancholy , breedes your perfect fine wit sir : I am melancholie my selfe diuers times sir , and then do I no more but take your pen and paper presently , and write you your halfe score or your dozen of sonnets at a sitting . Lo. iu. Masse then he vtters them by the grosse . Step. Truely sir and I loue such things out of measure . Lo. iu. I faith , as well as in measure . Mat. Why I pray you signior , make vse of my studie , it 's at your seruice . Step. I thanke you sir , I shal be bolde I warrant you , haue you a close stoole there ? Mat. Faith sir , I haue some papers there , toyes of mine owne doing at idle houres , that you 'le say there 's some sparkes of wit in them , when you shall see them . Prosp. Would they were kindled once , and a good fire made , I might see selfe loue burnd for her heresie . Step. Cousin , is it well ? am I melancholie inough ? Lo. iu. Oh I , excellent . Prosp. Signior Bobadilla ? why muse you so ? Lo. iu. He is melancholy too . Bob. Faith sir , I was thinking of a most honorable piece of seruice was perform'd to morow ; being S Marks day : shal be some tē years . Lo. iu. In what place was that seruice , I pray you sir ? Bob. Why at the beleagring of Ghibell●tto , where , in lesse then two houres , seuen hundred resolute gentlemen , as any were in Europe , lost their liues vpon the b●each : I le tell you gentlemen , it was the first , but the best leaug●● that euer I beheld with these eyes , except the taking in of 〈◊〉 last yeer by the Genowayes , but that ( of all other ) was the most fatall & dangerous exploit , that euer I was rang'd in , since I first bore armes before the fa●e of the enemy , as I am a gentleman and a souldier . Step. So , I had as liefe as an angell I could sweare as well as that gentleman . Lo. iu. Then you were a seruitor at both it seemes . Bob. Oh Lord sir : by Phaeton I was the first man that entred the breach , and had I not effected it with resolution , I had bene slaine if I had had a million of liues . Lo. iu. Indeed sir ? Step. Nay & you heard him discourse you would say so : how like you him ? Bob. I assure you ( vpon my saluation ) 't is true , and your selfe shall confesse . Prosp. You must bring him to the racke first . Bob. Obserue me iudicially sweet signior : they had planted me a demy culuering , iust in the mouth of the breach ; now sir ( as we were to ascend ) their master gunner ( a man of no meane skill and courage , you must thinke ) confronts me with his Linstock ready to giue fire ; I spying his intendement , discharg'd my Petrinell in his bosome , and with this instrument my poore Rapier , ran violently vpon the Moores that guarded the ordinance , and put them pell-mell to the sword . Pros. To the sword ? to the Rapier signior . Lo. iu. Oh it was a good figure obseru'd sir : but did you all this signior without hurting your blade . Bob. Without any impeach on the earth : you shall perceiue sir , it is the most fortunate weapon , that euer rid on a poore gentlemans thigh : shall I tell you sir , you talke of Mor● glay , Excaliber , Durindana , or so : tut , I lend no credit to that is reported of them , I know the vertue of mine owne , and therefore I dare the boldlier maintaine it . Step. I marle whether it be a Toledo or no ? Bob. A most perfect Toledo , I assure you signior . Step. I haue a countriman of his here . Mas. Pray you let 's see 〈◊〉 : yes faith it is . Bob. This a Toledo ▪ pis●● . Step. Why do you pish signior ? Bob. A Fleming by Phoebus , I le buy them for a guilder a pece● and I le haue a thousand of them . Lo. iu. How say you cousin , I told you thus much . Pros. VVhere bought you it sig●ior ? Step. Of a scuruy rogue Souldier , a pox of God on him , he swore it was a Toledo . Bob. A prouant Rapier , no better . Mat. Masse I thinke it be indeed . Lo. iu. Tut now it 's too late to looke on it , put it vp , put it vp . Step. VVell I will not put it vp , but by Gods foote , and ere I meete him — Pros. Oh it is past remedie now sir , you must haue patience . Step. Horson conny-catching Raskall ; oh I could eate the very hilts for anger . Lo. iu. A signe you haue a good Ostrich stomack Cousin . Step. A stomack ? would I had him here , you should see and I had a stomacke . Pros. It 's better as 't is : come gentlemen shall we goe ? Enter Musce . Lo. iu. A miracle cousin , looke here , looke here . Step. Oh , Gods lid , by your leaue , do you know me sir. Mus. I sir , I know you by sigh● . Step. You sold me a Rapier , did you not ? Mus. Yes marry did I sir. Step. You said it was a Toled● ha ? Mus. True I did so . Step. But it is none . Mus. No sir , I confesse it , it is none . Step. Gentlemen beare witnesse , he has con●est it . By Gods lid , and you had not confest it — Lo. iu. Oh cousin , forbeare , forbeare . Step. Nay I haue done cousin . Pros. Why you haue done like a Gentleman , he ha's confest it , what would you more ? Lo. iu. Sirra how doost thou like him . Pros. Oh it s a pretious good foole , make much on him : I can compare him to nothing more happely , then a Barbers virginals ; for euery one may play vpon him . Mus. Gentleman , shall I intreat a word with you ? Lo. iu. With all my heart sir , you haue not another Toledo to sell , haue yee ? Mus. You are pleasant , your name is signior Lorenzo as I take it . Lo. iu. You are in the right : S'bloud he meanes to catechize me I thinke . Mus. No sir , I leaue that to the Curate , I am none of that coate . Lo. iu. And yet of as bare a coate ; well , say sir. Mus. Faith signior , I am but seruant to God Mars extraordinarie , and indeed ( this brasse varnish being washt off , and three or foure other tricks sublated ) I appeare yours in reuersion , after the decease of your good father , Musco . Lo. iu. Musco , s'bloud what winde hath blowne thee hither in this shape . Mus. Your Easterly winde sir , the same that blew your father hither . Lo. iu. My father ? Mus. Nay neuer start , it 's true , he is come to towne of purpose to seeke you . Lo. iu. Sirra Prospero : what shall we do sirra , my father is come to the city . Pros. Thy father : where is he ? Mus. At a Gentlemans house yonder by Saint A●thonies ▪ where he but stayes my returne ; and then — Pros. Who 's this ? Musco ? Mus. The same sir. Pros. Why how comst thou trans-muted thus ? Mus. Faith a deuise , a deuise , nay for the loue of God , stand not here Gentlemen , house your selues and I le tell you all . Lo. iu. But art thou sure he will stay thy returne ? Mus. Do I liue sir ? what a question is that ? Pros. Well wee 'le prorogue his expectation a little : Musc● thou ●halt go with vs : Come on Gentlemen : nay I pray thee ( good raskall ) droope not , s'hart and our wits be so gowty , that one old plodding braine can out-strip vs all , Lord I beseech thee , may they lie and starue in some miserable spittle , where they may neuer see the face of any true spirit againe , but bee perpetually haunted with some church-yard Hobgoblin in s●cul● secul●rum . Mus. Amen , Amen . Exeunt . ACTVS TERTIVS . SCENA PRIMA . Enter Thor●llo , and Piso. Pis. He will expect you sir within this halfe houre . Tho. Why what 's a clocke ? Pis. New striken ten . Tho. Hath he the money ready , can you tell ? Pis. Yes sir , Baptista brought it yesternight . Tho. Oh that 's well : fetch me my cloake . Exit Piso. Stay , let me see ; an hower to goe and come , I that will be the least : and then 't will be An houre , before I can dispatch with him ; Or very neare : well , I will say two houres ; Two houres ? ha ? things neuer drempt of yet May be contriu'd , I and effected too , In two houres absence : well I will not go . Two houres ; no flee●ing opportunity I will not giue your trecherie that scope . Who will not iudge him worthy to be robd , That sets his doores wide open to a theefe , And shewes the felon , where his treasure lyes ▪ Againe , what earthy spirit but will attempt To taste the fruite of beauties golden tree , When leaden sleepe seales vp the dragons eyes ? Oh beauty is a Proiect of some power , Chiefely when oportunitie attends her : She will infuse true motion in a stone , Put glowing fire in an Icie soule , Stuffe peasants bosoms with proud Caesars spleene , Powre rich deuice into an empty braine : Bring youth to follies gate : there traine him in , And after all , extenuate his sinne . Well , I will not go , I am resolu'd for that . Goe cary it againe , yet stay : yet do too , I will deferre it till some other time . Enter Piso. Piso. Sir , signior Platano wil meet you there with the bo●d . Tho. That 's true : by Iesu I had cleane forgot it . I must goe , what 's a clocke ? Pis. Past ten sir. Tho. ' Hart , then will Prospero presently be here too , With one or other of his loose consorts . I am a Iew , if I know what to say , What course to take , or which way to resolue . My braine ( me thinkes ) is like an hower-glasse , And my imaginations like the sands , Runne dribling foorth to fill the mouth of time , Still chaung'd with turning in the ventricle . What were I best to doe ? it shal be so . Nay I dare build vpon his secrecie ? Piso. Piso. Sir. Tho. Yet now I haue bethought me to , I wil not . Is Cob within ? Pis. I thinke he be sir. Tho. But hee 'le prate too , there 's no talke of him . No , there were no course vpon the earth to this , If I durst trust him ; tut I were secure , But there 's the question now , if he should prooue , Rimarum plenus , then , s'blood I were Rook● . The state that he hath stood in till this present ▪ Doth promise no such change ▪ what should I feare then ? Well , come what will , I le tempt my fortune once . Piso , thou mayest deceiue mee , but I thinke thou louest mee Piso. Piso. Sir , if a seruants zeale and humble duetie may bee term'd loue , you are possest of it . Tho. I haue a matter to impart to thee , but thou must be secret , Piso. Pis. Sir for that — Tho. Nay heare me man ; thinke I esteeme thee well , To let thee in thus to my priuate thoughts ; Piso , it is a thing , sits neerer to my crest , Then thou art ware of : if thou shouldst reueale it — Pis. Reueale it sir ? Tho. Nay , I do not think thou wouldst , but if thou shouldst : Pis. Sir , then I were a villaine : Disclaime in me for euer if I do . Tho. He will not sweare : he has some meaning su●e , Else ( being vrg'd so much ) how should he choose , But lend an oath to all this protestation ? He is no puritane , that I am certaine of . What should I thinke of it ? vrge him againe , And in some other forme : I will do so . Well Piso , thou hast sworne not to disclose ; I you did sweare ▪ Pis. Not yet sir , but I will , so please you . Tho. Nay I dare take thy word . But if thou wilt sweare ; do as you thinke good , I am resolu'd without such circumstance . Pis. By my soules safetie sir I here protest , My tongue shall ne're take knowledge of a word Deliuer'd me in compasse of your trust . Tho. Enough , enough , these ceremonies need not , I know thy faith to be as firme as brasse . Piso come hither : nay we must be close In managing these actions : So it is , ( Now he ha's sworne I dare the safelier speake ; ) I haue of late by diuers obseruations — But , whether his oath be lawfull yea , or no , ha● I will aske counsel ere I do proceed : Piso , it will be now too long to stay , Wee 'le spie some fitter time soone , or to morrow . Pis. At your pleasure sir. Tho. I pray you search the bookes gainst I returne For the receipts twixt me and Platan● . Pis. I will sir. Tho. And heare you : if my brother Prospero Chance to bring hither any gentlemen Ere I come backe : let one straight bring me word . Pis. Very well sir. Tho. Forget it not , nor be not you out of the way . Pis. I will not sir. Tho. Or whether he come or no , if any other , Stranger or els ? faile not to send me word . Pis. Yes sir. Tho. Haue care I pray you and remember it . Pis. I warrant you sir. Tho. But Piso , this is not the secret I told thee of . Pis. No sir , I suppose so . Tho. Nay beleeue me it is not . Pis. I do beleeue you sir. Tho. By heauen it is not , that 's enough . Marrie , I would not thou shouldst vtter it to any creature liuing . Yet I care not . Well , I must hence : Piso conceiue thus much , No ordinarie person could haue drawne So deepe a secret from me ; I meane not this , But that I haue to tell thee : this is nothing , this . Piso , remember , silence , buried here : No greater hell then to be slaue to feare . Exit Tho. Piso. Piso , remember , silence , buried here : Whence should this flow of passion ( trow ) take head ? ha ? Faith I le dreame no longer of this running humor . For feare I sinke , the violence of the streame Alreadie hath transported me so farre , That I can feele no ground at all : but soft , Enter Cob. Oh it 's our water bearer : somewhat ha's crost him now . Cob. Fasting dayes : what tell you me of your fasting dayes ▪ would they were all on a light fire for mee : they say the world shall be consum'd with fire and brimstone in the latter day : but I would we had these ember weekes , and these villanous fridaies burnt in the meane time , and then — Pis. Why ●ow now C●b , what moues thee to this choller ? ha ? Cob. Coller fir● swounds I scorn● your coller , I sir am no colliers horse sir , neuer ride me with your coller , and you doe , I le shew you a iades tricke . Pis. Oh you 'le slip your head out of the coller : why Cob you mistake me . Cob. Nay I haue my rewme , and I be angrie as well as another , sir. Pis. Thy rewme ; thy humor man , thou mistakest . Cob. Humor ? macke , I thinke it bee so indeed : what is this humor ? it's some rare ●hing I warrant . Piso. Marrie I le tell thee what it is ( as t is generally receiued in these daies ) it is a monster bred in a man by selfe loue , and affectation , and fed by folly . Cob. How ? must be 〈◊〉 Pis. Oh I ▪ humor is nothing if it ●e not ●ed , why , didst thou 〈◊〉 heare of that ? it's a common phrase , Feed my 〈◊〉 . Cob. I le none on it : humor , auaunt , I know you not , be gon . Let who will make hungry meales for you , it shall not bee I : Feed you quoth 〈◊〉 blood I haue much adoe to feed my self , especially on these 〈…〉 daies ●oo , and 't had beene any other day but a fasting day ▪ 〈…〉 on them all for mee : by this light one might haue done God good seruice and haue drown'd them 〈◊〉 in the floud two or three hundred thousand year●● ago , oh I do stomacke them hugely : I haue a mawe now , and 't were for 〈◊〉 Be●isses horse . Pis. Nay , but I pray thee Cob , what makes thee so out of loue with fasting daies ? Cob. Marrie that , that will make any man out of loue with them , I thinke : their bad conditions and you wil needs know : First , they are of a Flemmish breed I am sure on 't , for they raūe vp more butter then all the daies of the weeke beside : next , they stinke of fish miserably : Thirdly , they 'le keep a man deuoutly hungry all day , & at night send him supperlesse to bed . Pis. Indeed these are faults Cob. Cob. Nay and this were all , 't were something , but they are the onely knowne enemies to my generation . A fasting day no sooner comes , but my lineage goes to racke , poore Cobbes they smoake for it , they melt in passion , and your maides too know this , and yet would haue me turne Hannibal , and eat my owne fish & blood : my princely couze , feare nothing ; I haue not the heart to deuoure you , and I might bee made as rich as Golias : oh that I had roome for my teares , I could weep salt water enough now to preserue the liues of ten thousand of my kin : but I may curse none but these filthy Almanacks ; for and 't were not for them , these daies of persecution would ne're bee knowne . I le be hang'd and some Fishmongers sonne doe not make on'them , and puts in more fasting daies then hee should doe , because he would vtter his fathers dried stockfish . Pis. S'oule peace , thou 'lt be beaten like a stockfish else : here is Signior Math●● . Now must I looke out for a messenger to my Master . Exeunt Cob & Piso. Enter Matheo , Prosper● , Lo. iunior , Bobadilla , Stephan● , Musco . SCENA SECVNDA . Pros. Beshrew me , but it was an absolute good iest , and exceedingly well caried . Lo. iu. I and our ignorance maintained it as well , did it not ? Pros. Yes faith , but was 't possible thou should'st not know him ? Lo. iu. Fore God not I , and I might haue beene ioind patten with one of the nine worthies for knowing him . S'blood man , he had so writhe● himselfe into the habit of one of your poore Dispar●i●'s here , your decaied , ruinous , worme-eaten gentlem●n of the round : such as haue vowed to sit on the skirts of the city , let your Prouost & his half dozen of halberders do what they can ; and haue translated begging out of the olde hackney pace , to a fine easy amble , and made it runne as smooth of the toung , as a shoue-groat shilling , into the likenes of one of these leane Pirgo's , had hee moulded himselfe so perfectly , obseruing euerie tricke of their action , as varying the accent : swearing with an Emphasis . Indeed all with so speciall and exquisite a grace , that ( hadst thou seene him ) thou wouldst haue sworne he might haue beene the Tamberlaine , or the Agamemnon on the rout . Pros. Why Musco : who would haue thought thou hadst beene such a gallant ? Lo. i● . I cannot tell , but ( vnles a man had iuggled begging all his life time , and beene a weauer of phrases from his infancie , for the apparrelling of it ) I thinke the world cannot produce his Riuall . Pros. Where got'st thou this coat I marl'e . Mus. Faith sir , I had it of one of the deuils neere kinsmen , a Broker . Pros. That cannot be , if the prouerbe hold , a craftie knaue needs no broker . Mus. True sir , but I need a broker , Ergo no crafty knaue . Pros. Well pu● off , well put off . Lo. i● . Tut , he h●'s more of these shifts . Mus. And yet where I haue one , the broker ha's ten sir. Enter Piso. Piso. Francisco : Martino : ne're a one to bee found now , what a spite 's this ? Pros. How now Piso ? is my brother within ? Pis. No sir , my master went forth e'ene now : but Signio● Gi●l●ano is within . Cob , what Cob : is he gone too ? Pros. Whither went thy master ? Pis● canst thou tell ? Piso. I know not , to Doctor Cle●●n●s , I thinke sir. Cob. Exit Pis● . Lo. iu. Doctor Clement , what 's he ? I haue heard much speech of him . Pros. Why , doest thou not know him ? he is the Go●●alioner● of the state here , an ex●ellent rare ciuilian , and a great scholler , but the onely mad merry olde fellow in Europe : I shewed him you the other day . Lo. iu. Oh I remember him now ; Good faith , and he hath a very strange presence me thinkes , it shewes as if he stoode out of the ranke from other men . I haue heard many of his iests in Padua : they say he will commit a man for taking the wall of his horse . Pros. I or wearing his cloake of one shoulder , or any thing indeede , if it come in the way of his humor . Pis. Gasper , Martin● , Cob : S'hart , where should they be trow ? Enter Piso. Bob. Signior Thorello's man , I pray thee vouchsafe vs the lighting of this match . Pis. A pox on your match , no time but now to vouchsafe ? Francisco , Cob. Exit . Bob. Body of me : here 's the remainder of seuen pound , since yesterday was seuen night . It 's your right Trinidad● : did you neuer take any , signior ? Step. No truly sir ? but I 'le learne to take it now , since you commend it so . Bob. Signior beleeue me , ( vpon my relation ) for what I tel you , the world shall not improue . I haue been in the Indies ( where this herbe growes ) where neither my selfe , nor a dozen Gentlemen more ( of my knowledge ) haue receiued the taste of any other nutriment , in the world , for the space of one and twentie weekes , but Tabacco onely . Therefore it cannot be but 't is most diuine . Further , take it in the nature , in the true kinde so , it makes an Antidote , that ( had you taken the most de●dly poysonous simple in all Florence , it should expell it , and clarifie you , with as much ease , as I speak . And for your greene wound , your Bals●●um , and your — are all meere gull●ries , and trash to it , especially your Trinidado : your 〈◊〉 is good too : I could say what I know of the vertue of it , for the exposing of rewmes , raw humors , crudities , obstructions , with a thousand of this kind ; but I professe my selfe no quacke-saluer : only thus much : by H●rcul●s I doe holde it , and will affirme it ( before any Prince in Europe ) to be the most soueraigne , and pretious herbe , that euer the earth tendred to the vse of man. Lo. iu. Oh this speech would haue done rare in a potheca●ies mouth . Pis. I ▪ close by Saint A●thonies : Doctor Clements . Enter Piso and Cob. Cob. Oh , Oh. Bob. Where 's the match I gaue thee ? Pis. S'blood would his match , and he , and pipe , and all were at Sancto Domingo . Exit . Cob. By gods dey●es : I marle what pleasure of felicitie they haue in taking this rogish Tabacco : it 's good for nothing but to choake a man , and fill him full of smoake , and imbers : there were foure died out of one house last weeke with taking of it , and two more the bell went for yester-night , one of them ( they say ) will ne're scape it , he voyded a bushell of ●oote yester-day , vpward and downeward . By the stockes ; and there were no wiser men then I , I 'ld haue it present death , man or woman , that should but deale with a Tabacco pipe ; why , it will sti●le them all in the'nd as many as vse it ; it 's little better then rats bane . Enter Piso. All. Oh good signior ; hold , hold . Bob. You base cullion , you . Pis. Sir , here 's your match ; come , thou must needes be talking too . Cob. Nay he wil not meddle with his match I warrant you : well it shall be a deere beating , and I liue . Bob. Doe you prate ? Lo. iu. Nay good signior , will you regard the humor of a foole ? away knaue . Pros. Piso get him away . Exit Piso , and Cob. Bob. A horson filthy slaue , a turd , an excrement . Body of Cesar , but that I scorne to let forth so meane a spirit , I 'ld haue stab'd him to the earth . Pros. Mary God forbid sir. Bob. By this faire heauen I would haue done it . Step. Oh he sweares admirably : ( by this faire heauen : ) Body of Cesar : I shall neuer doe it , sure ( vpon my saluation ) no I haue not the right grace . Mat. Signior will you any ? By this ayre the most diuine Tabacco as euer I drunke . Lo. iu. I thanke you sir. Step. Oh this Gentleman doth it rarely too , but nothing like the other . By this ayre , as I am a Gentleman : by Phoebus . Exit Bob. and Mat. Mus. Master glaunce , glaunce : Signior Prospero . Step. As I haue a soule to be saued , I doe protest ; Pros. That you are a foole . Lo. iu. Cousin will you any Tabacco ? Step. I sir : vpon my saluation . Lo. iu. How now cousin ? Step. I protest , as I am a Gentleman , but no souldier indeede . Pros. No signior , as I remember you seru'd on a great horse , last generall muster . Step. I sir that 's true : cousin may I sweare as I am a souldier , by that ? Lo. iu. Oh yes , that you may . Step. Then as I am a Gentleman , and a souldier , it is diuine Tabacco . Pros. But soft , where 's signior Matheo ? gone ? Mus. No sir , they went in here . Pros. Oh let 's follow them : signior Matheo is gone to salute his mistresse , sirra now thou shalt heare some of his verses , for he neuer comes hither without some shreds of poetrie : Come signior Stephano , Musco . Step. Musco ? where ? is this Musco ? Lo. iu. I , but peace cousin , no words of it at any hand . Step. Not I by this faire heauen , as I haue a soule to be saued , by Phoebus . Pros. Oh rare ! your cousins discourse is simply suted , all in oathes . Lo. iu. I , he lacks nothing but a little light stuffe , to draw them out withall , and he were rarely fitted to the time . Exeunt . ACTVS TERTIVS , SCENA TERTIA. E●ter Thorell● with Cob. Tho. Ha , how many are there , sayest thou ? Cob. Marry sir , your brother , Signior Prosp●r● . Tho. Tut , beside him : what strangers are there man ? Cob. Strangers ? let me see , one , two ; masse I know not well there 's so many . Tho. How ? so many ? Cob. I , there 's some fiue or sixe of them at the most . Tho. A swarme , a swarme , Spight of the Deuill , how they sting my heart ! How long hast thou beene comming hither Cob ? Cob. But a little while sir. Tho. Didst thou come running ? Cob. No sir. Tho. Tut , then I am familiar with thy haste . Ban● to my fortunes : what meant I to marrie ? I that before was rankt in such content , My mind attir'd in smoothe silken peace , Being free master of mine owne free thoughts , And now become a slaue ? what , neuer sigh , Be of good cheare m●n : for thou art a cuckold , 'T is done , 't is done : nay when such flowing store , Plentie it selfe fals in my wiues lappe , The Cor●u-copi● will be mine I know . But Cob , What entertainment had they ? I am sure My sister and my wife would bid them welcome , ha ? Cob. Like ynough : yet I heard not a word of welcome . Tho. No , their lips were seal'd with kisses , and the voice Drown'd in a flood of ioy at their arriuall , Had lost her motion , state and facultie . Cob , which of them was 't that first kist my wife ? ( My sister I should say ) my wife , alas , I feare not her : ha ? who was it sayst thou ? Cob. By my troth sir , will you haue the truth of it ? Tho. Oh I good Cob : I pray thee . Cob. God's my iudge , I saw no body to be kist , vnlesse they would haue kist the post , in the middle of the warehouse ; for there I left them all , at their Tabacco with a poxe . Tho. How ? were they not gone in then e're thou cam'st ? Cob. Oh no sir. Tho. Spite of the Deuill , what do I stay here then ? Cob , follow me . Exit . Tho. Cob. Nay , soft and faire , I haue egges on the spit ; I cannot go yet sir : now am I for some diuers reasons hammering , hammering reuenge : oh for three or foure gallons of vineger , to sharpen my wits : Reuenge , vineger reuenge , russet reuenge ; nay , and hee had not lyne in my house , t' would neuer haue greeu'd me ; but being my guest , one that I le bee sworne , my wife ha's lent him her smocke off her backe , while his owne shirt ha beene at washing : pawnd her neckerchers for cleane bands for him : sold almost all my platters to buy him Tabacco ; and yet to see an ingratitude wretch : strike his host ; well I hope to raise vp an host of furies for 't : here comes M. Doctor . Enter Doctor Clement , Lorenzo sen ▪ Peto . Clem. What 's Signior Thorello gone ? Pet. I sir. Clem. Hart of me , what made him l●aue vs so abruptly How now sirra ; what make you here ? what wold you haue , ha ? Cob. And 't please your worship , I am a poore neighbour of your worships . Clem. A neighbour of mine , knaue ? Cob. I sir , at the signe of the water-tankerd , hard by the greene lattice : I haue p●ide scot and lott● there any time this eighteene yeares . Cl●m . What , at the greene lattice ? Cob. No sir : to the parish : mary I haue seldome scap't scot ▪ free at the lattice . Clem. So : but what busines hath my neighbour ? Cob. And 't like your worship , I am come to craue the peace of your worship . Clem. Of me , knaue ? peace of me , knaue ? did I e're hurt thee ? did I euer threaten thee ? or wrong thee ? ha ? Cob. No god's my comfort , I meane your worships warrant , for one that hath wrong'd me sir : his armes are at too much libertie , I would faine haue them bound to a treatie of peace , and I could by any meanes compasse it . Loren. Why , doest thou goe in danger of thy life for him ? Cob. No sir ; but I goe in danger of my death euery hour● by his meanes ; and I die within a twelue-moneth and a day , I may sweare , by the lawes of the land , that he kil'd me . Clem. How ? how knaue ? sweare he kil'd thee ? what pretext ? what colour hast thou for that ? Cob. Mary sir : both blacke and blew , colour ynough , I warrant you I haue it here to shew your worship . Clem. What is he , that gaue you this sirra ? Cob. A Gentleman in the citie sir. Clem. A Gentleman ? what call you him ? Cob. Signior Bobadilla . Clem. Good : But wherefore did he beate you sirra ? how began the quarrel twixt you ? ha : speake truly knaue , I aduise you . Cob. Marry sir , because I spake against their vagrant Tabacco , as I came by them : for nothing else . Clem. Ha , you speake against Tabacco ? Peto , his name . Pet. What 's your name 〈◊〉 ? Cob. Oliuer C●b , sir set Oli●er Cob , sir. Clem. Tell Oli●er Cob he shall goe to the iayle . Pet. 〈◊〉 Cob , master Doctor sayes you shall go to the iayle . Cob. Oh I beseech your worship for gods loue , deare master Doctor . Clem. Nay gods pretious : and such drunken knaues as you are come to dispute of Tabacco once ; I haue done : away with him . Cob. Oh good master Doctor , sweete Gentleman . Lore . Sweete Oliuer , would I could doe thee any good ; master Doctor let me intreat sir. Clem. What ? a tankard-bearer , a thread-bare rascall , a begger , a slaue that neuer drunke out of better thē pispot mettle in his life , and he to depraue , and abuse the vertue of an herbe , so generally receyu'd in the courts of princes , the chambers of nobles , the bowers of sweete Ladies , the cabbins of souldiers : Peto away with him , by gods passion , I say , goe too . Cob. Deare master Doctor . Loren. Alasse poore Oliuer . Clem. Peto : I : and make him a warrant , he shall not goe , I but feare the knaue . Cob. O diuine Doctor , thankes noble Doctor , most dainty Doctor , delicious Doctor . Exeunt Peto with Cob. Clem. Signior Lorenzo : Gods pitty man , Be merry , be merry , leaue these dumpes . Loren. Troth would I could sir : but enforced mirth ( In my weake iudgement ) h'as no happy birth . The minde , being once a prisoner vnto cares , The more it dreames on ioy , the worse it fares . A smyling looke is to a heauie soule , As a guilt bias , to a leaden bowle , Which ( in it selfe ) appeares most vile , being spent . To no true vse ; but onely for ostent . Clem. Nay but good Signior : heare me a word , heare me a word , your cares are nothing ; they are like my cap , soone put on , and as soone put off . What ? your sonne is old inough , to gouerne himselfe ; let him runne his course , it 's the onely way to make him a stay'd man : if he were an vnthrift , a ruffian , a drunkard or a licentious liuer , then you had reason : you had reason to take care : but being none of these , Gods passion , and I had twise so many cares , as you haue , I 'ld drowne them all in a cup of sacke : come , come , I muse your parcell of a souldier returnes not all this while . Ex●●●t . SCENA QVARTA . Enter Gi●lian● , with Bia●cha . Giul. Well sister , I tell you true : and you 'le finde it so in the ende . Bia. Alasse brother , what would you haue me to doe ? I cannot helpe it ; you see , my brother Pr●spero he brings them in here , they are his friends . Giu. His friends ? his friends ? s'blood they do nothing but haunt him vp and downe like a sorte of vnlucky Sprites , and tempt him to all maner of villany , that can be thought of ; well , by this light , a little thing would make me play the deuill with some of them ; and 't were not more for your husbands sake , then any thing else , I 'ld make the house too hot for them ; they should say and sweare , Hell were broken loose , e're they went : But by gods bread , 't is no bodies fault but yours : for and you had done as you might haue done , they should haue beene damn'd e're they should haue come in , e're a one of them . Bia. God's my life ; did you euer heare the like ? what a strange man is this ? could I keepe out all them thinke you ? I should put my selfe against halfe a dozen men ? should I ? Good faith you 'ld mad the patient'st body in the world , to heare you talke so , without any sense or reason . Enter Matheo with Hesperida , ●●badilla , Stephan● , L●re●zo i● , Pr●sp●r● , M●sco . Hesp. Seruant ( in troth ) you are too prodigall of your wit● treasure ; thus to powre it foorth vpon so meane a subiect , as my worth ? Mat. You say well , you say well . Gi● . Hoyday , heare is stuffe . L● . i● . Oh now stand close : pray God she can get him to read it . Pr●s . Tut , feare not : I warrant thee , he will do it of himselfe with much impudencie . H●s . Seruant , what is th●t same I pray you ? M●t. Mary an El●gi● , an Elegi● , an oddetoy . Gui. I to mocke an Ape with all , Oh I●su . Bi● . Sister , I pray you le ts heare it . Mat. Mistresse I le re●de it if you please . Hes. I pray you doe seruant . G●i . Oh heare 's no foppery . Sblood it freates me to the galle to thinke on it . Exit . Pros. Oh I , it is his condition ▪ peace : we are farely ridd● of him . Mat. Fayth I did it in an h●mor : I know not how it is , b●t please you come neare signior : this gentleman hath i●dgement , he knowes how to cens●re of a ▪ — I pray you ●ir ▪ you can iudge . Step. Not I sir : as I haue a soule to b● saued , as I 〈…〉 . Lo. iu. Nay it s well ; so long as he doth ●ot forsw●●●● himselfe . Bob , Signior you abuse the excell●ncie of your mistress● , and her fayre sister . Fye while you liue ●uoyd this prolixity . Mat. I shall sir : well , Incip●r● dulce . L● . iu. How , Inciper● dulce ? a sweete thing to be a Foole indeede . Pr●s . What , do you take Incipe●● in that sence ? Lo. i● . You do not you ? Sblood this was your villanie to gull him with a mott● . Pros. Oh the Benchers phrase : Pau●a ver●● , 〈…〉 . Mat. Rare creature let me speake without offence , Would God ●y rude woo●ds ●ad the influence : To rule thy thoughts , as 〈◊〉 f●yr● lookes do mine , Then shouldst thou be his prisoner , who is thine . L● . iu. S'hart , this is in Hero and Leander ? Pros. Oh I : peace , we shall haue more of this . Mat. Be not vnkinde and fayre mish●●en st●ffe ▪ Is of beh●●●●ur boysterous and rough : How like you that signior , 〈◊〉 he shakes his head like a bo●tle , to feele and there be any brayne in it . Mat. But obserue the Catastroph● now , And I in dutie will exceede all other . As you in bewtie do excell lo●●s ●●ther . Lo iu. W●ll 〈◊〉 haue him free of the brok●●s , for he vtters nothing but stolne remnant● . Pros. Nay good Critique forbeare . Lo. iu. A pox on him , hang him ●ilching rogue , s●eale from the deade ? its vvorse then sacriledge . Pros. Sister vvh●t haue you heare ? 〈◊〉 I pray you le ts see . Bia. Do you let them go so lightly sister . Hes. ●es ●ayth when they come lightly . Bia. I but if your seruant should heare you , he vvould take it heauely . Hes. No matter he is able to beare . Bia. So are Asses . H●s . so is hee . Pros. Signior Matheo , vvho made these verses ? they are excellent good . Mat. Oh God sir , it s your pleasure to say so sir. Fayth I mad● them 〈◊〉 this morning . Pros. How ex●empo●e ? Mat. I vvould I might be damnd els : aske signior Bo●adill● . He sawe me vvrite them , 〈◊〉 the : ( pox● on it ) the Miter yonder . Mus. Well , and the Pope knew hee curst the Miter it vvere enough to haue him excommunicated ●ll the Ta●erns in the towne . Step. Cosen how do you like this gen●lem●ns vers●● . Lo. iu. Oh admirable , the best that 〈◊〉 I heard . Step. By this fayr●●eauens , they are admirable , The best that euer I heard . Enter Giuliano . Giu. I am vext I can hold neuer a bone o● me s●ill , Sblood I think they meane to build a Tabernacle ●eare , vvell ? Pros. Sister you haue a simple seruant heare , that crownes your bewtie vvith such Encomions and Deuises , you may see what it is to be the mistresse of a vv●t , that can make your perfections so transeparent , that euery bleare eye may looke thorough them , and see him drowned ouer head and eares , in the deepe vvell of desire . Sister Biancha I meruaile you get you not a seruant that can ●ime and do ●rickes too . Giu. Oh monster ? ●mpudence it selfe ; trickes ? Bi● . Trickes , brother ? what trickes ? Hes. Nay , speake I pray you , vvhat trick●s ? Bia. I , neuer spare any body heare : but say , vvhat trickes ? Hes. Passion of my heart ? do trickes ? Pros. Sblood heare 's a trick● vied , and reuied : why you monkies you ? vvhat a cat●er waling do you keepe ? has he not giuen you rymes , and verses , and trickes . Giu. Oh see the Diuell ? Pros. N●y , you lampe of virginitie , that take it in snuffe so : come and cherish this tame poetical ●ury in your seruant , you le be begd else shortly for a concealement : go to , rewarde his muse , you cannot giue him lesse then a shilling in conscience ▪ for the booke he had it out of cost him a te●ton at the least , how now gallants , L●renzo , s●●gnior Bobadill● ? vvhat all sonnes of scilence ? no spirite . Giu. Come you might practise your Ruff●an trickes somewhere else , and not heare I wisse : this is no Tauerne , nor no place for such exploites . Pros. Shart how now . Giu. Nay boy , neuer looke askaunce at me for the matter ; I le tell you o● it by Gods bread ? I , and you and your compan●ons mend your selues when I haue done . Pros. My companions . Gui. I your companions ●ir , so I say ? Sblood I am not affrayed of you nor them ne●ther , you must haue your Poets , & your caueleeres , & your fooles follow you vp and downe the citie , and heare they must come to dominee●e and swagger ? sirha , you Ballad singer , and Sl●ps your fellow there , get you out ; get you out : or ( by the will of God ) I le cut of your eares , goe to . Pros. Sblood stay , le ts see what he dare do : cut of his eares you are an asse , touch any man heare , and by the Lord I le run my rapier to the hilts in thee . Gui. Yea , that would I fayne see , boy . Bia. Oh 〈◊〉 Piso , Math●● murder . Hes. Helpe , helpe , Piso. Lo. iu. Gentlemen , Prospero , forbeare I pray you . B●b . Well sirrah , you Hollofernus : by my hand I will pinck thy flesh full of holes with my rapier for this , I will by this good heauen : nay let him come , let him come , gentlemen by the body of S. George I le not kill him . Piso. Hold , hold forbeare : Gui. You whorson bragging coystryll . Enter Thorello . Tho. Why , how now ? what 's the matter ? what stirre is heare , Whence springs this quarrell , P●●o where is he ? Put vp your weapons , and put of this rage . My wife and sister they are cause of this , What , Pizo ? where is this kna●e . Pizo. Heare sir. Pros. Come , le ts goe : this is one of my brothers auncient humors this ? Steph. I am glad no body was hurt by this auncient humor . Exit Prospero , L●renzoi● . Musco , St●ph●●● , B●●adillo , Matheo , Tho. Why how now brother , who enforst this braule . Gui. A sorte of lewd rakehelles , that care neither for God nor the Diuell , And they must come heare to read Ballads and Rogery ' and Trash , I le marre the knot of them ere I sleepe perhaps : especially signior Pit●agorus , he that 's al manner of shapes : and Songs and sonne●s , his fellow there . Hes. Brother indeede you are to violent , To sudden in your courses , and you know My brother Prosperus temper will not beare Any reproofe , chiefely in such a presence , Where euery slight disgrace he should receiue , Would wound him in opinion and respect . Gu. Respect ? what talke you of respect mongst such As had neyther sparke of manhood nor good manners , By God I am ashamed to heare you● respect ? Exit . Hes. Yes there was one a ciuil● gentleman , And very worthely demeand himselfe . Tho. Oh that was some loue of yours , sister . H●s . A loue of mine ? infayth I would he were No others loue but mine . Bia. Indeede he seemd to be a gentleman of an exceeding fayre disposition , and of very excellent good 〈◊〉 . Exit He●p●●●d● , Bi●●cha . Tho. Her loue , by Iesu : my wises minion , Fayre disposition ? excellent good partes ? S'hart , these phr●ses are intollerable , Good partes ? how should she know his partes ? well ▪ well ▪ It is too playne , ●oo cleare : Piz● ▪ come hether . What are they gone ? Pi. I sir they went in . Tho. Are any of the gallants within ? Pi. No ●ir they are all gone . Tho. Art thou sure o● it ? Pi. I sir I can assure you . Tho. Pizo what gentleman was that they prays'd so ? Pizo. One they call him signior Lorenzo , a fayre young gentleman sir. Tho. I , I thought so : my minde gaue me as much : Sblood I le be hangd if they h●●e not hid him in the house , Some where , I le goe s●arch , Piz● go with me , Be true to me and thou shalt finde me bo●ntifull . Exe●●t . SCENA QVINTA . Enter CoB , to him Tib. Cob. What Tib , Tib , I say . Tib. How now , wh●t cuckold is that knock●● so hard ? Oh husband i st you , what 's the n●wes ? C●b . Nay you h●ue stonnd me I fayth ? you hue giuen me a knocke on the forehead , will sticke by me : cuckold ? Swoundes cuckolde ? Tib. Away you foole did I know it vvas you that knockt , Come , come , you may call me 〈◊〉 bad vvhen you list . Cob. May I ? swoundes Tib you are a whore : Tib. S'hart you lie in your throte . Cob. How the lye ? and in my throte too ? do you long to be stabd , ha ? Tib. Why you are no souldier ? C●b . Masse that 's true , vvhen vvas Bobadilla heare ? that Rog●e , th●● 〈◊〉 , that fencing ▪ B●rgullian ? I le tickle him I faith . Ti● . Why vvhat 's the matter ? Cob. Oh he hath basted me rarely , sumptiously : but I haue it heare vvill s●use him , oh the doctor , the honestest old Troian in all Italy , I do honour the very ●lea of his dog : a plague on him he 〈◊〉 me once in a villanous filthy feare : marry it vanisht away 〈…〉 smook● of To●●cco : but I vvas smookt soundly first , I thanke the Diuell , and his good Angell my guest : vvell vvife : or Tib ( vvhich you vvill ) get you in , and locke the doore I charge you , let no body into you : not Bobbadilla himselfe ; nor the di●ell in his likenesse ; you are a vvoman ; you haue flesh and blood enough in you ; therefore be not tempted ; keepe the doore shut vpon all cummers . Tib. I vv●rrant you there shall no body enter heare vvithout my consent . C●● . Nor with your consent sweete Tib and so I leaue you . Tib. It s more then you know , vvhether you leaue me so . Cob. How ? Tib. Why sweete . Cob. Tut 〈…〉 soure , thou art a flower , Keepe close thy doore , I aske no more . Exeunt . SCENA SEXTA . Enter Lorenzoiu . Pr●spero , Stephano , Musco . Lo● . iu. Well Musco performe this businesse happily , And thou makest a conquest of my loue foreuer , Pros. I fayth now let thy spirites put on their best habit , B●t at any hand remember thy message to my brother . For there 's no other meanes to start him ? M●s. I wa●rant you sir , ●●are nothing I haue a nimble soule that hath wakt all my imaginatiue forces by this time , and put then ▪ in true motion : vvhat you haue poss●st me withall ? ●le discharge it amply sir. Make no question . Exit M●sc● . Pros. That 's vvell sayd Musco : fayth sirha how dost thou , aproue my vvit in this deuise ? L● . iu. Troth vvell , howsoeuer ? but excellent if it take . Pros. Take man : vvhy it cannot chuse ▪ but take ▪ if the circumstances miscarry not , but tell me zealo●sly : dost tho● affect my sister Hesperida as thou pretendest ? Lo. iu. Prospero by Iesu. Pros. Come do not pro●est I beleeue thee : I fayth she is ● virgine of good ●rnament , and much modestie , vn esse I conc●iud very w●rthely o● her , thou shouldest not haue her . Lo. iu. Nay I thinke it a question whether I shall ha●● her for all that . Pros. Sblood thou shal haue her , by this light thou shal● ? Lo. iu. Nay do not sweare . Pros. By S. Marke thou shalt haue her : I le go fetch her presently , poynt but where to meete , and by this hand I le bring her ? Lo. iu ▪ Hold , hold , what all pollicie dead ? no preuention of mischiefes stirring . Pros. Why , by what shall I sweare by ? thou shalt haue her by my soule . Lo. iu. I pray the haue patience I am satisfied : Prosp●ro omit no off●red occasion , that may make my desires compleate I beseech thee . Pros. I warrant thee . Exeunt . ACTVS QVAR●VS , SCENA PRIMA . Enter Lorenzo senior , Peto , ●●●ting M●sco . Peto . Was your man a souldier sir. Lo. I a knaue I tooke him vp begging vpon the way , This morning as I was cumming to the citie , Oh? h●are he is ; come on , you make fayre speede : Why ? whereon Gods name haue you beene so long ? Mus. Mary ( Gods my co●●ort ) where I thought I should haue had little comfort of your worships seruice : Lo. How so ? Mus. Oh God sir ? your cumming to the citie , & your entertaynement of men , and your sending me to watch ; indeede , all the circumstances are as open to ●our sonne as to your selfe . Lo. How should that be ? vnlesse that villaine M●s●o Haue told him of the letter , and discouered All that I strictly chargd him to conceale ? t is soe . Mus. I fayth you haue hit it : t is so indeede . Lo. But how should he know thee to be my man. Mus. Nay , ●ir , I cannot tell ; vnlesse it were by the blacke arte ? is not your sonne a scholler sir ? Lo. Yes ; but I hope his soule is not allied To such a diuelish practise : if it were , I had iust cause to weepe my part in him , And curse the time of his creation . But where didst thou finde them Po●t●nsio ? Mus. N●y sir , rather you should aske where the found me ? for I le be sworne I was going along in the streete , thinking nothing , whe● ( of a suddayne ) one calles , Sig●ior Lorenzo● man : another , he cries souldier : and thus halfe a dosen of them , till they had go ▪ me within doores , where I no sooner came ▪ but out flies their rapiers and all bent agaynst my brest , they swore some two or three hundreth oathes , and all to tell me I was but a dead man , if I did not confesse where you were , and how I was imployed , and about what , which when they could not get out of me : ( as Gods my iudge , they should haue kild me first ) they lockt me vp into a roome in the toppe of a house , where by great miracle ( hauing a light hart ) I slidde downe by a bottome of packthread into the streete , and so scapt : but ma●ster , thus much I can assure you , for I heard it while I 〈◊〉 lockt vp : there were a great many merchants and rich citizens wiues with them at a banquet , and your sonne Signior Lorenzo ▪ has poynted one of them to meete anone at one Cobs house , a waterbearers ? that dwelles by the wall : now there you shall be sure to take him : for fayle he will not . L● . Nor will I fayle to breake this match , I doubt not ; Well : go thou along with maister doctors man , And stay there for me ? at one C●bs house sayst thou . Exit . Mus. I sir , there you shall haue him : when can you tell ? much wench , or much sonne : sblood when he has stayd there three or foure houres , trauelling with the expectation of somewhat ; and at the length be deliuered of nothing : oh the sport that I should thē take to look on him if I durst but now I meane to appeare no more afore him in this shape : I haue another tricke to act yet ? oh that I were so happy , as to light vpon an ounce now of this doctors clarke : God saue you 〈◊〉 , Peto . I thanke you good sir. Mus. I haue made you stay somewhat long sir. Peto . Not a w●it sir , I pray you what sir do you meane : you haue beene lately in the warres sir it seemes . Mus. I Marry haue I sir. Peto . Troth sir , I would be glad to bestow a pot●le of wine of you if it please you to accept it . Mus. Oh Lord sir. Peto . But to heare the manner of you seruises , and your deuises in the warres , they say they be very strange , and not like those a man reades in the Romane histories . Mus. Oh God no sir , why at any time when it please you , I shall be ready to descourse to you what I know : and more to somewhat . Peto . No better time then now sir , wee le goe to the Meer●m●ide there we shall haue a cuppe of neate wine , I pray you sir let me request you . Mus. I le follow you sir , he is mine owne I fayth . Exeunt . E●ter Babadillo , Lorenzo iu , Matheo , Step●ano . Mat Signi●r did you euer see the like cloune of him , where we vvere to day● : signior Prosperos brother ? I thinke the vvh●le ●arth cannot shew his like by Iesu. L● . We vvere now speaking of him , signior Bobadill● telles me he is fallen foule of you two . Mat. Oh I sir , he threatned me with the bastinado . Bo. I but I think I taught you atrick this morning for that . You shall kill him without a●l question : if you be so minded ▪ Mat. Indeede it is a most excellent tricke . Bo. Oh you do not giue spirit enough to your motion , you are too dull , too tardie : oh it must be done like lightning , hay ? Mat. Oh rare . Bob. Tut t is nothing and 't be not done in a — Lo. iu. Signior did you neuer play with any of our mais●ers here . Mat. Oh good sir. B●b . Nay for a more instance of their preposterous humor , there came three or ●oure of them to me , at a ge●tlemans house , where it was my chance to bee resident at that time , to intre●te my presence at their schole● , and withall so much importund me , that ( I protest to you as I am a gentleman ) I was ashamd of their rude demeanor out of all measure : vvell , I tolde them that to come to a publique schoole they should pardon me , it was opposite to my humor but if so they vvould attend me at my lodging , I protested to do them what right or fauour I could , as I vvas a gentleman ▪ &c. Lo. ●u . So sir , then you tried th●ir skill . Bob. Alasse soone tried : you shall heare sir , ●ithin two or three dayes after , they came , and by Iesu go●● signior beleeue me , I grac't them●exceedingly , shewd them some ●wo or three trick●s of preuention , hath got them sinc● admirable credit , they cannot denie this ; and yet now they 〈…〉 , and why ? because I am excellent , and for no other 〈…〉 earth . Lo. iu. This is strange and vile as 〈◊〉 I h●ard . Bob. I will tell you sir vpon my first comming to the ci●ie , they assaulted me some three , foure , fiue , six , of them together as I haue walkt alone , in diuers places of the citie ; as vpon ●he exchange , at my lodging ▪ and at my ordinarie : where I haue driuen them afore me the whole length of a streete , in the open view of all our gallan●s , pittying to hurt them beleeue me ; yet all this lenety will not depresse their spleane : they will be doing with the Pismier , ray●i●g a hi●l , a man may spurne abroade with his foote at pleasure : by my soule I could haue sla●ne them all , but I delight not in murder : I am loth to ●ea●e any other but a bastinado for them , and yet I ho●ld it good pollicie not to goe disarmd , for though I be skilfull , ● may be suppressd with multitudes . Lo. iu ▪ I by Iesu may you sir and ( in my conceite ) our whol● nation should sustayne the losse by it , if it were so . ●ob . Alasse no : what 's a peculier man , to a nation ? not seene . Lo iu. I but your skill sir. Bob. Indeede ●hat might be some losse , but who respects it ? I will tel you Signior ( in priuate ) I am a gentleman , and liue here obscure , and to my selfe : but were I known to the Duke ( obserue me ) I would vndertake ( vpon my heade and life ) for the p●blique benefit of the state , not onely to spare the intire liues of his subiects ingenerall , but to saue the one halfe : nay there partes of his y●erely charges , in houlding warres generally agaynst all his enemies ? and how will I do it thinke you ? Lo ▪ iu. Nay I know not , nor can I conceiue . Bo. Marry thus , I would select 19 more to my selfe , throughout the land , gentlemē the● should be of good spirit ; strong & able constitutiō , I would chuse thē by an instinct , a trick that I haue : & I would teach these 19. the special tricks , as your P●nt● , ●our Reuerso , your Stoccato , your Imbroccato , your Pass●do , your Montaunto , till they could all play very neare or altogether as well as my selfe ▪ this done ; say the enemie were forty thousand strong : we twenty wold come into the field the tenth of March , or ther abouts ; & would challendge twenty of the enemie ? they could not in there honor refuse the combat : wel , we would kil them : challenge twentie more , kill then ; twentie more , kill then ; twentie more , kill them too ; and thus would we kill euery man , his twentie a day , that 's twentie score ; twentie score , that 's two hundreth ; two hundreth a day , fiue dayes a thousand : fortie thousand ; fortie times fiue , fiue times fortie , two hundreth dayes killes them all , by computation , and this will I venture my life to performe : prouided there be no treason practised vpon vs. Lo. iu. Why are you so sure of your hand at all times ? Bob. Tut , neuer mistrust vpon my soule . Lo. iu. Masse I would not stand in signior G●uliano state , then ; And you meete him , for the wealth of Florence . Bob. Why signior , by Iesu if hee were heare now : I would not draw my w●apon on him , let this gentleman doe his mind but I wil bastin●do him ( by heauen ) & euer I meete him . Mat. Fayth and I le haue a fling 〈◊〉 him . Enter Giuliano and goes o●t agayne . Lo. iu. Looke yo●der he goes I thinke . Gui. Sblood vvhat lucke haue I , I cannot meete vvith thes● br●gging rascalls ▪ Bo● . It● not h● : is it ? Lo. iu. Yes fayth it is he ? Mat. I le be hangd then if that vvere he . Lo. iu. Befor● God it vvas he : you make me sweare . Step. Vpon my saluation it vvas h●● . Bob. Well had I thought it had beene he : he could not haue gone so , but I cannot be induc'd to beleeue it vvas he yet . Enter Giulliano . Giu. Oh gallant haue I found you ? draw to your tooles , draw , or by Gods vvill I le thresh you . Bob. Signior heare me ? Gui. Draw your vveapons then : Bob. Signior , I n●uer thought it till now : body of S. George , I haue a vvarrant of the peace serued on me euen now , as I came along by a vvaterbearer , this gentleman saw it , signior Mat●●● . Gi● . The peace ▪ Sblood , you vvill not draw ? Math●o runnes away . He b●ates him and disarm●s him . Lo. iu. Hold signior hold , vnder thy fauour forbeare . Giu. Prate agayne as you like this you vvhoreson cowardly rascall , you le controule the poynt you ? your consort hee is gone ? had he stayd he had shard vvith yow infayth . Exit Giulliano . Bob. Well gentlemen beare vvitnesse I vvas bound to the peace , by Iesu. Lo. iu. Why and though you vvere sir , the lawe alowes you to defend your selfe ; that 's but a poore excuse . Bob. I cannot t●ll ; I neuer sus●●yned the like disgrace ( by heauen ) sure I vvas strooke vvith a Plannet then , for I had no power to touch my vve●pon . Exit . Lo. iu. I like inough I haue heard of many that haue beene beaten vnder a plannet ; goe get you to the Surgions , sblood and these be your tricks , your passados , & your Mountauntos ilenone of them : oh God that this age should bring foorth s●ch creat●res ? come cosen . Step. Masse I le haue this cloke . Lo. ●u . Gods vvill : it s Giullianos . Step. Nay but t is mine now , another might haue tan● it vp aswell as I , I le vv●●●e it so I vvill . Lo. iu. How and he see it , hee le ●h●llen●e it ass●ur● your selfe . Step. I but he shall not haue it ▪ I le s●y I bo●ght it . Lo. iu. Aduise you cosen , ta●e heede he giue not you as much . Exe●●t . Enter Thorello , Pr●spero ▪ Bianch● Hesperida . Tho. Now trust me Pr●s●●ro you were much to blame , T' incense your brother and disturbe the peace , Of my poor● house , for there be s●ntinelles , That ●uery minute vvatch to giue alarames , Of ciuill vvarre , vvithout adiection , Of your assistance and occasion . Pros. No harme done brother I vvarrant you : since there is no harme done , anger costs a man nothing : and a tall man is neuer his owne man til he be angry , to keep his valure in obscuritie : is to keepe himselfe as it were in a cloke-bag : vvhat 's a musition vnlesse he play ? what 's a tall man vnlesse he fight ? for indeede all this my brother stands vpon absolutely , and that made me fall in vvith him so resolutely . Bia. I but vvhat harme might haue come of it ? Pros. Might ? so might the good warme cloathes your husband vveares be poysond for any thing he knowes , or the vvholesome vvine he drunke euen now at the table . Tho. Now God forbid : O me ? now I remember , My vvife drunke to me last ; and changd the cuppe , And bad me vvare this cursed sute to day , See , if God suffer murder vndiscouered ? I feele me ill ; giue me some Mithredate , Some Mithredate and oyle ; good sister fetch me , O , I am sicke at hart : I burne , I burne ; If you will saue my life goe fetch it mee . Pr●s . Oh strange humor my very breath hath poysond him . Hes. Good brother be content , what do you meane , The strength of these extreame conceites will kill you ? Bi● . Be●hrew your hart blood , brother Prospero , For putting such a toy into his head . Pros. Is a fit similie , a toy ? will he be poysond with a similie ▪ Broth●● Thor●ll● , what a strange and vaine imagination is this ? For shame be wiser , of my soule there 's no such matter . T●o . Am I not sicke ? how am I then not poysond ? Am I not poysond ? how am I then so sicke ? Bia. If you be sicke , your owne thoughts make you sicke . Pr●s . His iealoucie is the poyson he hath taken . Enter Musco like the doctors man. Mus. Signior Thorello my m●●ster doctor Cleme●t salutes you , and de●ires to speake with you , with all speede possible . Tho. No time but now ? well , I le waite vpon his worship , Pizo , Cob , I le seeke them out , and set them sentinell●● till I returne . Pizo , Cob , Pizo. Exit . Pros. Musco , this is rare , but how gotst thou this apparrel of the doctors man. Mus. Marry sir. My youth would needes bestow the wine of me to heare some martiall discourse ; where I so marsha●d him , that I made him monstrous drunke , & because too much heate vvas the cause of his distemper , I stript him starke naked as he lay along a sleepe , and borrowed his sewt to deliuer this counterfeit message in , leauing a rustie armoure , and an olde browne bill to watch him ; till my returne : which shall be when I haue paund his apparrell , and spent the moni● perhappes . Pros. Well thou art a madde knaue Musco , his absence will be a good subiect for more mirth : I pray the returne to thy young maister Lorenzo , and will him to meete me and Hesperida at the Friery presently : for here tell him the house is so sturde with iealousie , that there is no roome for loue to stand vpright in : but I le vse such meanes she shall come thether , and that I thinke will meete best with his desires : Hye thee good Musco . Mus. I goe sir. Exit . Enter Thorello to him Pizo ▪ Tho. Ho Pizo , Cob , where are these villaines troe ? Oh , art thou there ? Pizo harke thee here : Marke what I say to thee , I must goe foorth ; Be carefull of thy promise , keepe good watch , Note euery gallant and obserue him well , That enters in my absence to thy mistrisse ; If she would shew him roomes , the ieast is stale , Follow them Pizo or els hang on him , And let him not go after , marke their lookes ? Note if she offer but to see his band , Or any other amorous toy about him , But prayse his legge , or foote , or if she say , The day is hotte , and bid him feele her hand , How hot it is , oh that 's a monstrous thing : Note me all this , sweete Pizo ; marke their sighes , And if they do but vvisper breake them off , I le beare thee out in it : vvilt thou do this ? Wilt thou be true sweete Pizo ? Pi. Most true sir. Tho. Thankes gentle Pizo : vvhere is Cob ? now : Cob ? Exit Thorello Bia. Hee s euer calling for Cob , I vvonder how hee imployes Cob soe . Pros. Indeede sister to aske how he imployes Cob , is a necessary question for you that are his vvife , and a thing not very easie for you to be satisfied in : but this I le assure you Cobs wife is an excellent baud indeede : and oftentimes your husband hauntes her house , marry to vvhat end I cannot altogether accuse him , imagine you vvhat you thinke conuenient : but I haue knowne fayre hides haue foule hartes eare now , I can tell you . Bia. Neuer sayd you truer then that brother ? Pizo fetch your cloke , and goe vvith me , I le after him presently : I vvould to Christ I could take there I fayth . Exeunt Pizo and Biancha . Pros. So let them goe : this may make sport anone , now my fay●e sister Hesperida : ah that you knew how happy a ting it vv●re to be fayre and bewtifull ? Hes. That toucheth not me brother . Pros. That 's true : that 's euen the fault of it , for indeede bewtie stands a woman in no stead , vnles it procure her touching : but sister vvhether it touch you or noe , it touches your bewties , and I am sure they will abide the touch , and they doe not a plague of al ceruse say I , and it touches me to inpart , though not in thee . Well , there 's a deare and respected friend of mine sister , stands very strongly affected towardes you , and hath vowed to inflame vvhole bonefires of zeale in his hart , in honor of your perfections , I haue already engaged my promise to bring you where you shal heare him conferme much more then I am able to lay downe for him : Signior Lorenzo is the man : vvhat say you sister shall I intreate so much fauour of you for my friend , is too direct and attend you to his meeting ? vpon my soule he loues you extreamely , approue it sweete Hesperida vvill you ? Hes. Hayth I had very little confidence in mine owne costancie if I durst not meete a man : but brother Prospero this motion of your sauours of an olde knight aduenturers seruant , me thinkes . Pros. What 's that sister . Hes. Marry of the squire . Pros. No matter Hesperida if it did , I vvould ve such an one for my friend , but say , will you goe ? Hes. Brother I will , and blesse my happy starres . Enter Clement and Thorello . Clem. Why vvhat villanie is this ? my man gone on a false message , and runne away vvhen he has done , vvhy vvhat trick is there in it trow ? 1.2.3.4 . and 5. Tho. How : is my wife gone foorth , vvhere is she sister ? Hes. Shee s gone abrode vvith Pizo. Tho. Abrode vvith Pizo ? oh that villaine dors me . He hath discouered all vnto my vvife , Beast that I vvas to trust him : vvhither vvent she ? Hes. I know not sir. Pros. I le tell you brother vvhither I suspect shee s gone . Tho. Whither for gods sake ? Pros. To Cobs house I beleeue : but keepe my counsayle . Tho. I vvill , I vvill , to Cobs house ? doth she haunt Cobs , Shee s gone a purpose now to cuckold me , With that lewd rascall , vvho to vvinne her fauour , Hath told her all . Clem. But did you mistresse see my man bring him a message . Pros. That vve did maister doctor . Clem. And vvhither vvent the knaue ? Pros. To the Tauerne I thinke sir. C●●m . What did Thorello giue him any thing to spend for the message he brought him ? if he did I should commend my mans vvit exceedingly if he vvould make himselfe drunke , vvith the ioy of it , farewell Lady , keepe good rule you two : I beseech you now : by Gods marry my man makes mee laugh . Exit . Pros. What a madde Doctor is this ? come sister le ts away . Exeunt . Enter Matheo and Bobadillo . Mat. I vvonder signior vvhat they vvill say of my going away : ha ? Bob. Why , what should they say ? but as of a discreet gentleman . Quick , wary , respectfull of natures , Fayre liniamentes , and that 's all . Mat. Why so , but what can they say of your beating ? Bob ▪ A rude part , a touch with soft wood , a kinde of grosse batterie vsed , layd on strongly : borne most paciently , and that 's all . Mat. I but would any man haue offered it in Venice ? Bob. T●ut I assure you no : you shall haue there your Nobilis , your Gentelezza , come in brauely vpon your reuerse , stand you close , stand you ferme , stand you fayre , saue your retricato with his left legge , come to the assaulto with the right , thrust with braue steele , defie your base wood . But wherefore do I awake this remembrance ? I was bewitcht by Iesu : but I will be reuengd . Mat. Do you heare i st not best to get a warrant and haue him arested , and brought before doctor Clement . Bob. It were not amisse would we had it . Enter Musco . Mat. Why here comes his man , le ts speake to him . Bob. Agreed , do you speake . Mat. God saue you sir. Mus. With all my hart sir ? Mat. Sir there is one Giulliano hath abusd this gentleman and me , and we determine to make our amendes by law , now if you would do vs the fauour to procure vs a warrant for his arest of your maister , you shall be well considered I assure , I fayth sir. Mus. Sir you know my seruice is my liuing , such fauours 〈◊〉 these gotten of my maister is his onely preferment , and therefore you must consider me , as I may make benefit of my place . Mat. How is that ? Mus. Fayth sir , the thing is extraordinarie , and the gentleman may be o● great accompt : ye● be what he will , if you will lay me downe fiue crownes in my hand , you shall haue it , othe●wise no● . M●t. H●w shall we do signio● ? you haue no monie . Bob ▪ N●t a cr●s●e by Iesu. M●t. N●r I 〈◊〉 God but two pence : left of my tw● shi●l●ngs in the mo●n●ng for vvine and 〈◊〉 let 's giue him som● p●●ne . B●b . P●wn● ? we haue none to the value of his demaunde . Mat. Oh Lo●d , ●an , ●le ●awne this iewell in my ●are , and you may pawne your silke sto●kins , and pull vp your bootes , they will neare be mi●t . Bob. Well and there be no remedie : I le step aside and put them of . Ma● . Doe you heare sir , we haue no store of monie at this time , but you shall haue good pawnes , looke you sir , this Iewell , and this gentlemans silke stockins , because we would haue it di●patcht ere we went to our chambers . Mus. I am content sir , I will get you the warrant presently what 's his name say ●ou ( Giulliano . ) Ma● . I , I , Giulliano . Mus. What manner of man is he ? Mat. A tall bigge man sir , he goes in a cloake most commonly of silke rus●et : layd about with russet lace . Mus. Ti● very good sir. Mat. Here sir , here 's my iewell ? Bob. And heare are stockins . Mus. Well gentlemen I le procure this vvaarrant presently ▪ and appoynt you a varlet of the citie to s●rue it , if you le be vpon the Realto anone , the varlet shall meete you there . Mat. Very good sir I vvish no better . Exeunt Bobadilla and Matheo . Mus. This is rar● , now vvill I goe pawne this cloake of the doctors m●ns at the brokers for a varlets sute , and be the varlet my selfe , and get eyther more pawnes , or more money of Giulliano for my arrest . Exit . ACTVS QVINTVS . SCENA PRIMA . Enter Lorenzo seni●r . Lo. se. Oh heare it is , I am glad I haue found it now , Ho ? vvho is vvithin hear● ? Enter Tib. Tib. I am within sir , what 's your pleasure ? Lo. se. To know vvho is vvithin besides your selfe . Tib. Why sir , you are no constable I hope ? Lo. se. O feare you the constable ? then I doubt not ▪ You haue some guests within deserue that feare , I le fetch him straight . Tib. A Gods name sir. Lo. se. Go to , tell me is not the young Lorenzo here ? Tib. Young Lorenzo , I saw none such sir , of mine honestie . Lo. se. Go to , your honestie flies too lightly from you : There 's no way but fetch the constable . Tib. The constable , the man is mad I think . Claps t● the d●●re . Enter Pizo , and Biancha ▪ Pizo. Ho , vvho keepes house here ? Lo. se. Oh , this is the female copese●mate of my sonne . Now shall I meete him straight . Bia. Knocke Pizo pray thee . Pi. Ho good vvife . Tib. Why vvhat 's the matter vvith you . Enter Tib. Bia. Why vvoman , grieues it you to ope your door● ? Belike you get something to keepe it shut . Tib. What meane these questions pray 〈◊〉 Bia. So strange you make it ? is not Thorello my tryed husband here . Lo. se. Her husband ? Tib. I hope he needes not to be tryed here . Bia. No dame : he hoth it not ●or neede but pleasure . Tib. Neyther for neede nor pleasure is he here . Lo. se. This is but a deuise to balke me vvith al ; Soft , whoe 's this ? Enter Thorello . Bia. Oh sir , haue I fore-stald your honest market ? Found your close walkes ? you stand amazd now , do you ? I fayth ( I am glad ) I haue smokt you yet at las● ; What 's your iewell trow ? In : come le ts see her ; Fetch foorth your huswife , dame ; if she be fayrer In any honest iudgement then my selfe , I le be content vvith it : but she is chaunge , She feedes you fat ; she soothes your appetite , And you are well : your vvife an honest vvoman , Is meate twise sod to you sir ; A you trecher . Lo. se. She cannot counterfeit this palpably . Tho. Out on thee more then strumpets impudencie , Stealst thou thus to thy hauntes ? and haue I taken , Thy baud , and thee , and thy companion ? This hoary headed letcher , this olde goate Close at your villanie , and wouldst thou scuse it , With this stale harlots iest , accusing me ? O ould incontinent , dost thou not shame , When all thy powers inchastitie is spent , To haue a minde so hot ? and to entise And feede the intisements of a lustfull woman ? Bia. Out I defie thee I , desembling wretch : Tho. Defie me strumpet ? aske thy paunder here ▪ Can he denie it ? or that wicked elder . Lo. sen. Why heare you signior ? Tho. Tut , tut , neuer speake , Thy guiltie conscience will discouer thee : Lo. se. What l●nacie is this that haunts this man ? Enter Giulliano . Giu. Oh sister did you see my cloake ? Bia. Not I , I see none . Giu. Gods life I haue lost it then , saw you Hesperida ? Tho. Hesperida ? is she not at home Giu. No she is gone abroade , and no body can tell me of it at home . Exit . Th● . Oh he●uen , ? abroade ? what light ? a harlot too ? Why ? why ? harke you , hath she ? hath she not a brother ? A brothers house to keepe ? to looke vn●o ? But she must fling abroade , my wife hath spoyld her , She takes right after her , she does , she does , Well you goody b●u● and — Enter Cob. That make your husband such a hoddy dod● ; And you young apple squire , and olde cuckold m●ker , I le haue you euery one before the Doctor , Nay you shall answere it I chardge you goe . Lo. se M●rry with ●ll my h●rt , I le goe ●●●lingly : how haue I vvrongd my selfe in co●ming here . Bi. G● with thee ? I le go with thee to thy sh●me ▪ I warrant thee . Cob. W●y vvhat 's the matter ? vvhat 's here to doe ? Tho. What Cob art thou here ? oh I am abusd , And in thy house , vvas neuer man so vvrongd . Cob. Slid in my house ? vvho vvrongd you in my house ? Tho. Marry young lu●t in olde , and olde in young here , Thy wife 's their baud , here haue I taken them . Cob. Doe you here ? did I not charge you keepe your do●es shut here , and do you let them lieopen for all cōmers , do you scratch . Lo. se. Friend ha●e patience if she haue done wrong in this let her answere it afore the M●gistrate . Cob. I , come , you sha●l goe afore the Do●t●r . Tib. Nay , I will go , I le see and you may be aloud to beate your poore wife thus at euery cucko●dly knaues pleasure , the Diuell and the Pox t●ke you all for me : vvhy doe you not goe now . Th● . A bitter queane , come wee le haue you tamd . Exeunt Enter Musco alone . Mus. Well of all my disguises yet now am I most like my selfe beeing in this va●lets suit , a man of my presen● profession neuer counterfeites till he lay holde vpon a debtor , and sayes he rests him , for then he bringes him to al manner of vnrest ; A kinde of little kings vve are , bearing the diminitiue of a mace made like a young Hartechocke that alwayes car●ies Pepper and salte in it selfe , well I know not what danger I vnder go by this exploi●e , pray God I come vvell of . Enter Bobadilla and Matheo . Mat. See I thinke yonder is the varlet . Bob. Le ts go inquest of him . Mat. God saue you friend , are not you here by the appoyntment of doctor Clemants man. Mus. Yes and please you sir , he told me two gentlemen had wild him to procure an arest vpon one signior Giulliano by a vvarrant from his maister , vvhich I haue about me . Mat. It is honestly done of you both , and see where hee coms you must arest , vppon him for Gods sake before hee beware . Enter S●ephano . Bob. Beare backe Matheo ? Mus. Signior Giulliano ▪ I arest you sir in the Dukes name . Step. Signior Giulli●●o ? am I signior Giulliano ? I am one signior Stephano I tell you , and you do not vvell by Gods slid to arest me , I tell you truely ; I am not in your maisters bookes , I would you should vvell know I : and a plague of God on you for making me afrayd thus . Mus. Why , how are you deceiued gentlemen ? Bob. He weares such a cloake , and that deceiued vs , But see here a coms , officer , this is he . Enter Giulliano . Giu. Why how now signior gull : are you a turnd flincher of late ▪ come deliuer my cloake . Step. Your cloake sir ? I bought it euen now in the market . Mus Sign●or Giulliano I must arest you sir ▪ Giu. Arrest me sir , at whose suite ? Mus. At these two gentlemens . Giu. I obey thee varlet ; but for these villianes — Mus. Keepe the peace I charge you sir , in the Dukes name Sir. Giu. What 's the matter varlet ? Mus. You must goe before maister doctor Clement sir , to answere what these gentlemen will obiect agaynst you , harke you sir , I will vse you kindely . Mat. Wee le be euen with you sir , come signior Bobadilla ▪ wee le goe before and prepare the doctor : varlet looke to hi● . E●eunt Bobadilla and Matheo . Bob. The varlet is a tall man by Iesu. Giu. Away you rascalles , Signior I shall haue my cloake . St●p . Your cloake : I say once agayne I bought it , and I le keepe it . Giu. You will keepe ●t ? St●p . I , that I will. Giu. Verlet stay , here 's thy fee arrest him . Mus. Signior Step●ano I arrest you . Step. Arrest me ? there take your cloake : I le none of it . Giu. Nay that shal● not serue your turne , varlet , bring him away , I le go● with thee now to the doctors , and carry him along . Step. Why is not here your cloake ? what would you haue ? Giu. I care not for th●t . Mus. I pray yo● sir. Giu. Neuer talke of it ; I will haue him answere it . Mus. Well sir then I le leaue you , I le take this gentlemans woorde for his appearance , as I haue done yours . Giu. Tut I le haue no woordes taken , bring him along to answere it . Mus. Good sir I pitie the gentlemans case , here 's your monie agayne . Giu. Gods br●ad , tell not me of my monie , bring him away I say . Mus. I warrant you , he will goe with you of himselfe . Giu. Yet more adoe ? Mus. I haue made a fayre mashe of it . Step. Must I goe ? Exeunt . Enter doctor Clement , Thorello , Lorenzo , se. Bianc●a , Pizo , Tib , a seruant or two of the Doctors . Clem. Nay but stay , stay giue me leaue ; my chayre sirha ? you signior Lorenzo say you vvent thether to meete your sonne . Lo. se. I sir. Clem. But vvho directed you thether ? Lo. se. That did my man sir ? Clem. Where is hee ? Lo. se. Nay I know not now , I left him vvith your clarke , And appoynted him to stay here for me . Clem. About vvhat time vvas this ? Lo. s● ▪ Marry betweene one and two as I take it . Clem. So , what time came my man with the message to you Signior Thorello ? Tho. After two sir. Clem. Very good , but Lady how that you were at Cobs : ha ? Bia. And please you sir , I le tell you : my brother Pr●sper● tolde me that Cobs house vvas a suspected place . Clem. So it appeares me thinkes ; but on , Bia. And that my husband vsed thether dayly ; Clem. No matter , so he vse himselfe vvell . Bia. True sir , but you know vvhat growes by such haunts oftentimes . Clem. I , ranke fruites of a iealous brayne Lady : but did you finde your husband there in that case , as you suspected . Tho. I found her there sir. Clem. Did you so ? that alters the case ; who ga●e you knowledge of your wi●es beeing there ▪ Tho. Marry that did my brother Prospero . Clem. How Prospero , first tell her , then tell you after ? vvhere is Prospero . Th● . Gone vvith my sister sir , I know not vvhither . Clem. Why this is a meare tricke , a deuise ; you are gulled in this most grosly : alasse poore vvench vvert thou beaten for this , how now ●irha vvhat 's the matter ? Enter one of the Do. men . Ser. Sir there 's a gentleman in the court vvithout desires to speake vvith your vvorship . Clem. A gentleman ? vvhat 's he ? Ser. A Souldier , sir , he sayeth ▪ Clem. A Souldier ? fetch me my armour , my sworde , quickly a souldier speake vvith me , vvhy vvhen knaues , — come on , come on , hold my cap there , so ; giue me my gorget , my sword stand by ● vvill end your matters anone ; let the souldier enter , now sir vvhat haue you to say to me ? E●ter Bobadillo and Matheo . Bob. By your vvorships fauour . Clem. Nay keepe out sir , I know not your pretence , you send me vvord ●ir you are a souldier , vvhy sir you shall bee answered here , here be them haue beene amongst sould●●rs . Sir your pleasure . Bob. Fayth sir so it is : this gentleman and my selfe haue beene most violently vvronged by one signior Giullian● : a gallant of the citie here and for my owne part I protest , beeing a man in no sorte giuen to this filthy humor of quarreling , he hath asaulted me in the vvay of my peace : dispoyld me of mine honor , disarmd me of my vveapons , a●d beaten me in the open streetes : vvhen I not so much as once offered to resist him . Clem. Oh Gods precious is this the souldier ? here take my armour quickly , t will make him swoone I feare ; he is not fit to looke on 't , that vvill put vp a blow . E●ter Seruant . Mat. An dt pleas● your worship he 〈◊〉 bound to the peace . Clem. Why , and he were sir , his hands ▪ were not bound , were they ? Ser. There is one of the varlets of the citie , has b●ought two gentlemen here vpon arest sir. Clem. Bid him come in , set by the picture : now sir , what ? signior Giulliano ? i st you that are arested at ●ignior freshwaters suit here . Enter M●s. with Gin. & Stephano . Giu. I fayth maister Doctor , and here 's another brought at my suite . Clem. What are yo sir. S●ep . A gentleman sir● oh vncle ? Clem. Vncle ? vvho , Lore●zo ? L● . se. I Sir. Step. Gods my vvitnesse my vn●●e , I am vvrongd here monstrously , he chargeth me vvith stealing of his cloake , & vvould I might neuer stir , if I did not finde it in the street by chance . Giu. Oh did you finde it now ? you saide you bought it 〈◊〉 vvhile ? Step. And you sayd I stole it , nay now my vnckle is here I care not . Clem. Well let this breath a while ; you that haue cause t● complaine there , stand foorth ; had you a vvarrant for thi● arrest . Bob. I an dt please your vvorship . Clem. Nay do not speake in passion so , vvhere had you it ? Bob. Of your clarke sir. Clem. That 's vvell and my clarke can make vvarrants , and my hand not at them ; vvhere is the vvarrant ? varlet ha●● you it ? Mus. No sir your vvorshippes man bid me doe it ; for these gentlemen and he vvould be my discharge . Clem. Why signior Giullian● , are you such a nouice to be arrested and neuer see the vvarrant ? Giu. Why sir , he did not arrest me . C●e● . No ? how then ? Giu. Marry sir he came to me and sayd he must arrest me , 〈◊〉 he vvould vse me kindely , and so foorth . Clem. Oh Gods pittie , vvas it so sir , he must arrest you : gi●e me my long sworde there : helpe me of ; so , come on sir varlet , I must cut of your legges si●ha ; nay stand vp I le vse you kindly ; I mu●● cut of your legges I say . Mus. Oh good sir I beseech you , nay good maister doctor , Oh ▪ good sir. Clem. I must do it● there is no remedie ; I must cut of you● legges sirha . I must cut of your eares , you rascall I must do it ; I must cut of your nose , I must cut of your head . Mus. Oh for God sake good Maister Doctor . Clem. Well rise how doest thou now ? doest thou feele thy s●lfe well ? hast thou no harme ? Mus. No I thanke God sir and your good worshippe . Clem. Why so I sayd I must cut of thy legges , and I must ●ut of thy armes , and I must cut of thy head : but I did not do it : so you sayd you must arrest this gentleman , but you did not arrest him you knaue , you sl●ue , you rogue , do you say you must arrest sirha : away with him to the iayle , I le teach yo● a ●r●●ke for your must . Mus. Goo● M. Doctor I beseech you be good to me . Clem. Marry a God : away with him I say . Mus. Nay sblood before I goe to prison , I le put on my olde brasen face , and disclaime in my vocation ▪ I le discouer that 's flat , and I be committed , it shall be for the committing of more 〈◊〉 then this , hang 〈…〉 I loos● the least graine of my fam● . Clem● Why ? vvhen knaue ? by Gods marry , I le clappe thee by the heel●s 〈◊〉 . Mus. Hold , hold I pray you . Clem. What the 〈◊〉 ? stay there . Mus. Fayth sir afore I goe to this house of bondage , I haue a case to vnfolde to your worshippe : which ( that it may appeare more playne vnto your worshippes view ) I do thus first of all vncase , & appeare in mine owne proper nature , seruant to this gentleman : and known● by the name of Musco . Lo. se. Ha ? Musco . Step. Oh vncle , Musco has beene with my cosen and I all this day . Clem. Did not I tell you there was some deuise . Mus. Nay good M. Doctor since I ha●e layd my selfe thus open to your worship : now stand strong for me , till the progresse of my tale be ended , and then if my vvit do not deserue your countenance : Slight throw it on a dogge , and let me goe hang my selfe . Cle. Body of me a merry knaue , giue me a boule of Sack , signior Lorenzo , I bespeak your patience in perticuler , marry your eares ingenerall , here knaue , Doctor Clement drinkes to thee . Mus. ● pledge M. Doctor and 't were a sea to the bottome . C●e . Fill his boule for that , fil his boule : so , now speak freely . Mus. Indeede this is it will make a man speake freely . But to the poynt , know then that I Musc● ( beeing somewhat more t●usted of my maister then reason required a●d knowing his intent to Fl●rence ) did assume the habit of a poore souldier in wants , and minding by some meanes to intercept his iorney in the mid way , tw●xt the grandg and the city , I encountred him , where begging of him in the most accomplisht and true garbe ( as they tearme it ) contrarie to al expectation , he reclaimed me from that bad course of life ; entertayned me into 〈◊〉 se●●ice , imployed me in his business possest me with his secrets , which I no sooner had receiued ▪ but ( seeking my young maister , and finding him at this gentlemans house ) I reuealed all mos●amply : this done , by the d●uise of signior Pros●ero , and him together , I returnd ( ●s the Rauen did to the Arke ) to mine olde maist●r againe , told him he should finde his sonne in what maner he knows , at one Cobs house , where indeede he neuer ment to come , now my maister lie to maintayne the iest , went thether , and ieft me with your vvorships clarke : vvho being of a most fine supple disposition ( as most of your clarkes are ) proffers me the wine , which I h●d the grace to accept very easily , and to the tauerne we went : there after much ceremonie , I made him drunke in kindenesse , stript him to his shurt , and leauing him in that coole vayne , departed , frolicke , courtier like , hauing obtayned a suit : which suit fitting me exceedingly well , I put on , and vsurping your m●ns phrase & action , caried a message to Signior Thorello in your name : vvhich message vvas meerely deuised but to procure his absence , while signior Prospero might make a conueiance of Hesperida to my maister . Cl●m . Stay , fill me the boule agayne , here ; t were pittie of his life vvould not cherish such a spirite : I drinke to thee , fill him wine , why now do you perceiue the tricke of it . Th● . I , I , percei●e vvell vve vvere all ab●sed ▪ L● . se. Well vvhat remedie ? Cle● . Where is Lorenz● , and Prospero canst thou tell ? M●s. I sir , they are at supper 〈◊〉 the M●●r●maid , where I left your man. Clem. Sirha goe vvar●e them ●●ther presently before me : and if the hower of your fellowe● resurrection become bring him to . But forwarde , forwarde , vvhen thou hadst beene at Thorre●●●s . Exit 〈◊〉 . M●s. M●rry sir ( comming along the streete ) these two g●●tlemen meet me , ●nd very strongly supposing me to be yo●● vvorship● scribe , 〈◊〉 me to pro●ure th●m a vvarr●●t , for the arrest of signior 〈◊〉 , I promist them vpon some paire ●f silke stockins or a iewell , or so , to do it , and to get a varlet of the citie to serue it , vvhich varlet I appoynted should meete them vpon the Realto 〈◊〉 such an houre , th●y no sooner gone , b●t I in a meere hope of more g●ine by signior Gi●lli●n● , went to one of S●●ans old Ingles ● broker , & there pa●nd your man● liuerie , for a varlets suite , vvhich here vvith my selfe , I offer vnto your vvorships consideration . Cle● . Well giue me thy hand : Proh . superi ing●nium 〈◊〉 quis n●scit Ho●erum . Il●i●s 〈◊〉 si l●tuisset op●● ? I admire thee I honor thee , and if thy maister , or ●ny man here be angry with thee , I shall suspect his wit while I know him for it , do● you heare Signior Thorell● , Signior Lorenz● , and the rest of my good friendes , I pray you let me haue peace when they come , I h●●e sent for the two gallants and Hesperida , Gods marry I musi haue yo● friendes , how now ? what noyseis there ? Enter s●ru●nt , then Peto . Ser. Sir it is Pet● is come hom● . Cle. Peto bring him hether , bring him hether , what how now signior drunckard , in armes against me , ha ? your reason your reason for this . Pe. I beseech your worship to pardon me . Cle● . Well , sirha tell him I do pardon him . Pe. Truly sir I did happen into bad companie by chance and they cast me in a sleepe and stript me of all my cloathes . Cl●m . Tut this is not to the purpose touching your armour , what might your armour signifie . Pe. Marry 〈◊〉 hung in the roome where they stript me , and I borrowed it of on of the drawers , now in the euening to come home in , because I was loth to come through the street in my shurt . Ent●r Lorenzo i●nior , Prospero , Hespe●ida . Clem. Well disarme him , but it s no matter let him stand by , who be these ? oh young gal●ants ; welcome , welcome , and you Lady , nay neuer scatter such amazed lookes amongst vs , Qui nil potest sperare desperet nihil . Pros. Faith M. Doctor that 's euen I , my hopes are smal , and my dispaire shal be as little . Brother , sister , brother what cloudy , cloudy ? and will 〈◊〉 sunshine on these lookes appeare , well since there is such a tempest towarde , I le be the porpuis , I le daunce : wench be of good cheare , thou hast a cloake for the rayne yet , where is he ? S'hart how now , the picture of the prodigal , go to I le haue the calfe drest for you at my charges . Le. se. Well sonne L●renzo , this dayes worke of yours hath much deceiued my hopes , troubled my peace , and stretcht my patience further then became ●he spirite of dutie . Cle. Nay Gods pitie signior Lorenzo you shal vrge it no more come since you are here , I le haue the disposing o● all , but first signior Giulliano at my request take your cloake agayn● . G●u . Well sir I am content . Cle. Stay now let me see , oh signior Snow●liuer I had almost forgotten him , and your Genius there , what doth he suffer for a good conscience to ? doth he beare his crosse with patience . Mu. Nay they haue scarse one c●os between thē both to beare . Clem. Why doest thou know him , what is he ? what is he ? Mus. Marry search his pocket sir , and the●e shew you he is an Author Sir. Cle. Dic mihi musa virum : are you an Author sir , giue me leaue a little , come on sir , I le make verses with you now in honor of the Gods , and the Goddesses for what you dare extempore ; and now I beginne . Mount the my P●legon muse , and testifie , How Saturne sitting in an Ebon cloud , Disro●d his podex , white as iuorie , And through the welkin thundred all aloud . there 's for you sir. Pros. Oh he writes not in that height of stile . Clem. No : wee le come a steppe or two lower then . From Catadupa and the bankes of Nile , Where onely breedes your monstrous Crocodile : Now are● we purposd for to fetch our stile . Pros. Oh too farre fetcht for him still maister Doctor : C●em . I , say you so , le ts intreat a sight of his vaine then ? Pros. Signior , maister Doctor desires to see a sight of your vaine , nay you must not denie him . Cle. What ; al this verse , body of me he carries a whole realme ; a common wealth of paper in his hose , le ts see some of his sub●ects . Vnto the boundlesse ocean of thy bewtie , R●nnes this poore riuer , chargd with streames of zeale , Returning thee the tribute of my dutie : Which here my youth , my plaints , my loue reue●le . Good ? is this your owne inuention ▪ Mat. No sir ▪ I translated that o●t of a booke , called Delia. C. Oh but I wold see some of your owne , some of your owne . Mat. Sir ; here 's the beginning of a sonnet I made to my mistresse . Cle● . That that : who ? to Madd●●a Hesperida is she your mistresse . Pros. It pleaseth him to call her so , sir. Clem. In Sommer time when Phaebus golden rayes . You translated this too ? did you not ? Pros. No this is inuention ; he found it in a ballad . Mat. Fayth sir ▪ I had most of the conceite of it 〈◊〉 of a ballad i●deede . Clem. Conceite , fetch me a couple of torches , sirha , I may see the conceite : quickly ? its very darke ? Giu. Call you this poetry ? Lo. iu. Poetry ? nay then call blasphemie , religion ; Call Diuels , Angels ; and Sinne , pietie : Let all things be preposterously transchangd . Le● se. Why how now sonne ? what ? are you startled now ? Hath the brize prickt you ? ha ? go to ; you see , How abiectly your Poetry is ranckt , in generall opinion . Le. iu. Opinion , O God let grosse opiniō sinck & be damnd As deepe as Barathrum , If it may stand with your most wisht content , I can refell opinion and approue , The state of poe●ie , such as it is , Blessed , aeternall , and most true deuine : Indeede if you will locke on Po●●ie , As she appeares in many , poore and lame , Patcht vp in remnants ●nd olde worne ragges , Halfe starud for want of her peculi●r foode : Sacred inuention , then I must conferme , Both your conceite and censure of her merrite , But view her in her glorious ornaments , Attired in the maiestie of arte , Set high in spirite vvith the precious taste , Of sweete philosophie , and vvhich is most , Crownd vvith the rich traditions of a soule , That hates to haue her dignitie prophand , With any relish of an earthly thought : Oh them how proud a presence doth she beare . Then is she like her selfe fit to be seene , Of none but graue and consecrated eyes : Nor is it any blemish to her fame . That such leane ▪ ignorant , and blasted wits , Such brainlesse guls , should vtter their stolne wares With such aplauses in our vulgar eares : Or that their slubberd lines haue currant passe , From the fat iudgements of the multitude , But that this barren and infected age , Should set no difference twixt these empty spirits , And a true Poet : then which reuerend name , Nothing can more adorne humanitie . Enter with torches . Clem. I Lorenzo , but election is now gouernd altogether by the influence of humor , which insteed of those holy flames that should direct and light the soule to eternitie , hurles foorth nothing bu● smooke and congested vapours , that stifle her vp , & berea●e her of al sight & motion . But she must haue store of Ell●bor● , giuen her to purge these grosse obstructions : oh that 's well sayd , giue me thy torch , come lay this stuffe together . So , giue fire ? there , see , see , how our Poets glory shines brighter , and brighter , still , still it incr●●seth , oh now it s at the highest , and now it declines as fast : you may see gallants , Sic transit gloria mundi . Well now my two Signior out sides , stand foorth , and l●nd me your large 〈◊〉 , to ● sentence , to a sentence : first you signior shall this night to the cage , and so shall you sir , from thence to morrow mor●ing , you signior shall be carried to the market crosse , and be there bound : and so shall yo● sir , in a large motlie coate , with ● rodde at yo●r girdle ; and you in an olde suite of sa●kcloth , ●●d the ashes of your papers ( saue the ashes sirha ) shall mourne all day , and at night both together sing some ballad of repentance very pitteously , which you shall make to the t●●e of Wh● list t● lead● and a souldiers life , Sirha bil man , imbrace you this torch , and light the gentlemen to their lodgings , and because we tender their safetie , you shall watch them to night , you are prouided for the purpose ▪ away and looke to your charge with an open eye sirha . Bob. Well I am ar●d in soule agaynst the worst of fortune . Mat. Fayth so should I be , and I had slept on it . Pe. I am armd too , but I am not like to sleepe on it . Mus. Oh how this pleaseth me . Exeunt . C●em . Now Signior Th●●ello , Giulliano , Prospero , Bi●ncha . Step. And not me sir. Clem. Yes and you sir : I had lost a sheepe and he h●d no● bleated , I must haue you all friends : but first a worde wit● you young gallant , and you Lady . Giu. Wel brother Prospero by this good light that shines here I am loth to kindle fresh coles , but and you had come in my walke within these two houres I had giuen you that you should not haue clawne of agayne in hast , by Iesus I had done it , I am the arrenst rogue that euer bre●thd else , but now beshrew my hart if I beare you any malice in the earth . Pros. Fayth I did it but to hould vp a iest : and helpe my sister to a husband , but brother Thor●llo , and sister , you haue a spice of the yealous yet both of you , ( in your hose I meane , ) come do not dwell vpon your anger so much , le ts all be smoth fore headed once agayne . Tho. He playes vpon my fore head , brother Giulliano , I pray you tell me one thing I shall aske you : is my foreheade any thing rougher then it was wont to be . Giu. Rougher ? your forehead is smoth enough man. Tho. Why should he then say ? be smoth foreheaded , Vnlesse he iested at the smothnesse of it ? And that may be ; for horne is very smoth ; So are my browes ▪ by Iesu , smoth as horne ? Bia. Brother had he no haunt thether in good fayth ? Pros. No vpon my soule . Bia. Nay then sweet hart : nay I pray the be not angry , good faith I le neuer suspect thee ●ny more , nay kisse me sweet musse . Tho. Tell me Bi●●cha , do not you play the woman with me . Bia. What 's that sweete hart . Tho. Dissemble ? Bia. Dissemble ? Tho. Nay doe not turne away : but say I fayth was it not a match appoynted twixt this old gentleman and you ? Bia. A match . Tho. Nay if it were not , I do not care : do not weepe I pray thee sweete Biancha , nay so now ? by Iesus I am not iealous , but resolued I haue the faythfulst wife in Italie . For this I finde where iealousie is fed , Hornes in the mind● , are worse then on the head . See what a droue of hornes flie in the ayre , Wingd with my cle●●sed , and my credulous breath : Watch them suspicious eyes , watch where they fall , See see , on heades that thinke they haue none at all . Oh what a ple●●uous world of this will come , When ayre raynes hornes , all men besure of some . Clem. Why that 's well , come then : what say you are all agreed ? doth none●stand out . Pr●s . None but this gentleman : to whom in my owne person I owe all dutie and affection : but most seriously intreate pardon , for whatsoeuer hath past in these occurrants , that might be contrarie to his most desired content . Lo. Fayth sir it is a vertue that persues , Any ●aue rude and vncomposed spirites , To make a fayre construction and indeede Not to stand of , when such respectiue meanes , Inuite a generall content in all . Clem. Well then I coniure you all here to put of all discontentment , first you Signior L●renz● your cares ; you , and you , your iealosie : you your anger , and you your wit sir : and for a peace offering , here 's one willing to be sacrifised vppon this aulter : say d● you approue my motion ? Pros. We doe I le be mouth for all . Clem. VVhy then I wish them all ioy , and now to make our euening happinesse more full : this night you shall be all my guestes : where wee le inioy the very spirite of mirth , and carouse to the health of this Heroick spirite , whom to honor the more I do inuest in my owne robes , desiring you two Giulliano , and Pr●spero , to be his supporters , the trayne to follow , my selfe will leade● , vsherd by my page here with this honorabl● verse . Claudite iam riuos pueri sat pr●ta biberunt . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A04647-e300 Pul●so ▪ a red Herri●● They all draw , enter Piso and some mor● of the house to part them , the w●●en make a great crie . The ●ffer t● figh● againe and are parted . Cob beates his wife . A04654 ---- Hymenaei Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04654 of text S109230 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14774). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Melina Yeh Hannah Bredar This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04654.xml Hymenaei: or The solemnities of masque, and barriers magnificently performed on the eleventh, and twelfth nights, from Christmas; at court: to the auspicious celebrating of the marriage-vnion, betweene Robert, Earle of Essex, and the Lady Frances, second daughter to the most noble Earle of Suffolke. By Ben: Ionson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 24 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844880 STC (2nd ed.) 14774. Greg, I, 237(a). 9729 A04654

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 Hymenaei: or The solemnities of masque, and barriers magnificently performed on the eleventh, and twelfth nights, from Christmas; at court: to the auspicious celebrating of the marriage-vnion, betweene Robert, Earle of Essex, and the Lady Frances, second daughter to the most noble Earle of Suffolke. By Ben: Ionson. Hymenaei Solemnities of masque, and barriers. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [44] p. Printed by Valentine Sims for Thomas Thorp, At London : 1606. 1606

Partly in verse.

Signatures: A-E4 F2.

The first leaf is blank.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 Masques -- Early works to 1800. A04654 shc Hymenaei Jonson, Ben Melina Yeh Hannah Bredar 1606 play masque shc no A04654 S109230 (STC 14774). 12524 48 0 0 00038.33D The rate of 38.33 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the D category of texts with between 35 and 100 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

HYMENAEI : OR The Solemnities of Masque , and Barriers ,

Magnificently performed on the eleventh , and twelfth Nights , from Christmas ;

At Court :

To the auspicious celebrating of the Marriage-vnion , betweene Robert , Earle of Essex , and the Lady Frances , second Daughter to the most noble Earle of Suffolke .

By BEN : IONSON .

Iam veniet Virgo , iam dicetur Hymenaeus .

AT LONDON Printed by Valentine Sims for Thomas Thorp . 1606 .

HYMENAEI .

IT is a noble and iust advantage , that the things subjected to Vnderstanding have of those which are objected to Sense , that the one sorte are but momentarie , and meerely taking ; the other impressing , and lasting : Else the Glory of all these Solemnities had perish'd like a Blaze , and gone out , in the Beholders eyes . So short-liv'd are the Bodies of all Thinges , in comparison of their Soules . And , though Bodies oft-times have the ill lucke to be sensually preferr'd , they find afterwards , the good fortune ( when Soules live ) to be vtterly forgotten . This it is hath made the most royall Princes , and greatest Persons , ( who are commonly the Personaters of these Actions ) not onely studious of Riches , and Magnificence in the outward Celebration , or Shew ; ( which rightly becomes them ) but curious after the most high , and hearty Inventions , to furnish the inward parts : ( and those grounded vpon Antiquitie , and solide Learnings ) which , though their Voyce be taught to sound to present Occasions , their Sense , or dooth , or should alwayes lay holde on more remov'd Mysteries . And , howsoever some may squeamishly cry out , that all Endevor of Learning , and Sharpnesse in these transitory Devises especially , where it steppes beyond their little , or ( let me not wrong 'hem ) no Braine at all is superfluous ; I am contented , these fastidious Stomachs should leave my full Tables , and enioy at home , their cleane empty Trenchers , fittest for such airy Tasts : where perhaps a few Italian Herbs , pick'd vp , & made into a Sallade , may find sweeter acceptance , than al , the most norishing , and sound Meates of the world .

For these Mens palates , let not mee answere , O Muses . It is not my fault , if I fill them out Nectar , and they runne to Metheglin . Vaticana bibant , si delectentur .

All the curtesie I can doe them , is to cry , againe ; Praetereant , si quid non facit ad stomachum .

As I wil , from the thought of them , to my better Subject .

ON the Night of the Masques ( which were two , One of Men , the Other of Women ) the Scene being drawne , there was first discovered an Altar ; vpon which was inscribed , in Letters of Gold .

a I. oni . imae . imae . VNIONI SACR .

To this Altar entred five Pages , attir'd in white , bearing a five Tapers of Virgine Waxe ; Behinde them , One representing a Bridegroome : His b haire short , and bound with party-coloured ribbands , and gold twist : His Garments purple , and white .

On the other hand , entred HYMEN ( the God of Marriage ) in a saffron-coloured Robe , his vnder-Vestures white , his Sockes yellow , a yellow Veile of silke on his left arme , his Head crowned with Roses , and c Marioram , in his right hand a Torch of d Pine tree .

After him e a Youth , attired in white , bearing another Light , of white Thorne ; vnder his arme , a litle wicker-Flasket , shut : Behind him two Others , in white , the one bearing a Distaffe , the other a Spindle . Betwixt these a Personated Bride , supported , her haire flowing , and loose , sprinckled with grey ; on her head a Gyrland of Roses , like a Turret ; her Garments white : and , on her back , a Weathers Fleece hanging downe : Her Zone , or Girdle about her waste of white wooll , fastned with the Herculean Knot .

In the middst went the a Auspices ; after them , two that sung , in severall colored silks . Of which , One bore the Water , the Other the Fire : Last of all the b Musitians , diversly attired , all crowned with Roses ; and , with this Song beganne .

BId all profane away ; None here may stay To view our Mysteries , But , who themselues have beene , Or will , in Time , be seene The selfe-same Sacrifice . For VNION , Mistris of these Rites , Will be observ'd with Eyes , As simple as her Nights . Chorus . Flie then , all profane , away , Flie farre off , as hath the Day ; Night her Cortine doth display , And this is HYMENS Holiday .

The Song being ended , HYMEN presented him selfe formost ; and , after some signe of Admiration , beganne to speake .

HYMEN . VVHat more than vsuall Light ( Throughout the Place extended ) Makes IVNO'S Fane so bright ! Is there some greater Deitie descended ? Orraigne , on earth , those Powers So rich , as with their beames Grace VNION more than our's ; And bound her Influence , in their happier streames ? T is so : This same is he , The King , and Priest of Peace ! And that his Empresse , she , That sits so crowned with her owne increase ! O you , whose better Blisses , Have proov'd the strict embrace Of VNION , with chaste kisses , And seene it flowe so in your happy Race ; That know , how well it bindes The fighting Seedes of Things , Winnes Natures , Sexes , Mindes , And ev'ry discord in true Musique brings : Sit now propitious Aydes , To Rites , so duely priz'd ; And view two Noble Maydes , Of different Sexe , to VNION sacrifiz'd . In honour of that blest Estate , Which all Good Mindes should celebrate .

Here out of a Microcosme , or Globe ( figuring Man ) with a kind of contentious Musique , issued forth the first Masque , of eight Men , whose Names in order , as they were then Marshalled , by Couples , I have Heraldry enough to set downe . 1 L. WILLOVGHBY . 2 LO . WALDEN . 3 Sir IAMES HAY. 4 Ear . of MONGOMERY . Sir THOMAS HOVVARD . Sir THOMAS SOMERSET . Ear . of ARVNDELL . Sir IOHN ASHLY .

These represented the foure a Humors , & foure Affections , all gloriously attired , distinguisht only , by their severall Ensignes , and Colours ; And , dauncing out on the Stage , in their returne , at the end of their Daunce , drew all their swordes , offered to encompasse the Altar , and disturbe the Ceremonies . at which HYMEN troubled , spake ,

HYMEN . SAve , save the Virgins ; Keepe your hallow'd Lights Vntouch'd : And with their flame defend our Rites . The foure vntempred Humors are broke out : And , with their wild Affections , goe about To ravish all Religion . If there be A Power , like REASON , left in that huge Bodie , Or little World of Man , from whence these came , Looke forth , and with thy bright and a numerous flame Instruct their Darkenesse , make them know , and see , In wronging these , they have rebell'd gainst thee .

Hereat , REASON seated in the top of the Globe ( as in the braine , or highest parte of Man ) figur'd in a venerable Personage , her haire white , and trayling to her waste , crowned with Lights , her Garments blew , and semined with Starres , girded vnto her with a white Bend , fill'd with Arithmeticall Figures , in one hand bearing a Lampe , in the other a bright Sword , descended , and spake .

REASON . FOrbeare your rude attempt ; what Ignorance Could yeelde you so profane , as to advance One thought in Act , against these Mysteries ? Are VNION'S a Orgies of so slender price ? She that makes Soules , with Bodies , mixe in Love , Contracts the World in one , and therein IOVE ; Is b Spring , and End of all Things yet , most strange ! Her selfe nor suffers Spring , nor End , nor Change . No wonder , they were you , that were so bold ; For none but Humors and Affections would Have dar'd so rash a venture . You will say It was your Zeale , that gave your powers the sway ; And vrge the masqued , and disguisd pretence Of saving Bloud , and succ'ring Innocence ? So want of Knowledge , still , begetteth iarres , When humorous Earthlings will controle the Starres . Informe your selves , with safer Reverence , To these mysterious Rites , whose mysticke sense REASON ( which all things but it selfe ) confounds ) Shall cleare vnto you , from th' authentique grounds .

At this , the Humors & Affections sheathed their swordes , and retir'd amazed to the sides of the Stage , while HYMEN began to ranke the Persons , and order the Ceremonies : And REASON proceeded to speake .

REASON . THe Paire , which doe each other side , Though ( yet ) some space doth them divide , This happy Night must both make one Blest Sacrifice , to VNION . Nor is this Altar but a Signe Of one more soft , and more divine The a Geniall Bed , where HYMEN keepes The solemne Orgies , voyd of sleepes : And wildest CVPID , waking , hovers With adoration 'twixt the Lovers . The Tead of white , and blooming Thorne , In token of increase is borne : As b also , with the omenous Light , To fright all Malice from the Night . Like are the c Fire , and Water set ; That , ev'n as Moysture , mixt with Heate , Helpes every Naturall Birth , to life ; So , for their Race , ioyne Man , and Wife . The d blushing Veyle shewes shamefastnesse Th' ingenuous Virgin should professe At meeting with the Man : Her Haire That e flowes so liberall , and so faire , Is shed with grey , to intimate She entreth to a Matrons state . For which those f Vtensills are borne . And , that shee should not Labour scorne , Her selfe a g Snowie Fleece doth weare , And these her h Rocke and Spindle beare , To shew , that Nothing , which is good , Gives checke vnto the highest blood . The i Zone of wooll about her waste , Which , in contrary Circles cast , Doth meete in one k strong knot , that bindes , Tells you , so should all Married Mindes . And lastly , these five Waxen Lights Imply Perfection in the Rites ; For a Five the speciall Number is , Whence halow'd VNION claymes her blisse . As being all the Summe , that growes From the vnited strengths , of those Which b Male , and Female Numbers wee Do stile , and are First Two , and Three . Which , ioyned thus , you cannot sever In aequall partes , but One will ever Remaine as common ; so we see The binding-force of Vnitie : For which alone , the peace-full Gods In Number , alwayes , love the oddes ; And even partes as much despise , Since out of them all Discords rise .

Here , the vpper part of the Scene , which was all of Cloudes , and made artificially to swell , and ride like the Racke , beganne to open ; and , the Ayre clearing , in the toppe thereof was discovered c IVNO , sitting in a Throne , supported by two beautifull d Peacockes , her attire rich , and like a e Queene , a f white Diademe on her head , from whence descended a Veyle , and that bound with a a Fascia of severall color'd silkes , set with all sorts of Iewelles , and raisd in the top with b Lillies , and Roses ; In her right hand she held a Scepter , in the other a Timbrell , at her golden feete the c Hide of a Lion was placed : Round about her sate the Spirites of the ayre , in severall colours , making Musique , Above her the Region of Fire , with a continuall Motion , was seene to whirle circularly , and IVPITER standing in the Toppe ( figuring the Heaven ) brandishing his Thunder : Beneath her the Raine-bowe , IRIS , and , on the two sides eight Ladies , attired richly , and alike in the most celestiall colours , who represented her Powers , as she is the d Governesse of Marriage , and made the second Masque . All which , vpon the discoverie , REASON made narration of .

REASON . ANd see , where IVNO , whose great Name Is VNIO , in the Anagram , Displayes her glistering State , and Chaire , As she enlightned all the Ayre ! Harke how the charming Tunes doe beate In sacred Concords bout her seate ! And loe ! to grace what these intend , Eight of her Noblest Powers descend , Which are a enstil'd her Faculties , That governe nuptiall Mysteries ; And weare those Masques before their faces , Lest , dazling Mortalls with their graces As they approach them , all Mankind Should be , like CVPID , stroken blinde . These ORDER waytes for , on the ground , To keepe , that you should not confound Their measur'd steppes , which onely move About th' harmonious sphaere of LOVE .

The names of the eight Ladies , as they were after orderd ( to the most conspicuous shew ) in their Daunces , by the rule of their statures ; were the Co. of MONGOMERY . Mi. CI. SACKVILE . La. DOR. HASTINGS . Co. of BEDFORD . La. KNOLLES . La. BERKLEY . La. BLANCH SOMERSET . Co. of RVTLAND .

Their Descent was made in two great Cloudes , that put forth themselves severally , and ( with one measure of time ) were seene to stoupe , & fall gently downe vpon the Earth . The maner of their Habites , came after some Statues of IVNO , no lesse airie , than glorious . The dressings of their Heades , rare ; so likewise of their Feete : and all full of splendor , soveraignety , and riches . Whilst they were descending , this Song was sung at the Altar .

THese , these are they , Whom Humor and Affection must obey ; Who come to decke the geniall Bower , And bring , with them , the gratefull Hower That crownes such Meetings , and excites The married Paire to fresh Delights : As Courtings , Kissings , Coyings , Oths , & Vowes , Soft Whisperings , Embracements , all the Ioyes , And melting Toyes , That chaster LOVE allowes . CHO. Hast , hast , for HESPERVS his head down bowes .

The Song ended , they daunced forth in Paires , and each Paire with a varied and noble grace ; to a rare and full Musique of twelve Lutes : led on by ORDER , the Servant of REASON , who was , there , rather a Person of Ceremony , than Vse . His vnder-Garment was blew , his vpper white , and painted full of Arithmeticall , and Geometricall Figures ; his Hayre , and Beard long , a Starre on his forehead , and in his hand a Geometricall Staffe : To whom , after the Daunce , REASON spake .

REASON . COnvey them , ORDER , to their places , And ranke them so , in severall traces , As they may set their mixed Powers Vnto the Musique of the Howers ; And THESE , by ioyning with them , know In better temper how to flow : Whilst I ( from their abstracted Names ) Report the vertues of the Dames . First a CVRIS comes to decke the Brides faire Tresse . Care of the oyntments b VNXIA doth professe . c IVGA , her office to make One of Twaine : d GAMELIA sees that they should so remaine . Faire e ITERDVCA leades the Bride her way ; And DOMIDVCA home her steppes doth stay : a CINXIA the Maid , quit of her Zone defends ; b TELIA ( for HYMEN ) perfects all , and ends .

By this time , the Ladies were payred with the Men , and the whole Sixteene rank'd foorth , in order , to daunce : & were with this Song provok'd .

SONG . NOw , now beginne to set Your spirits in active heate ; And , since your Hands are met , Instruct your nimble Feete , In motions swift , and meete , The happy ground to beate : Chorus . Whilst all this Roofe doth ring , And ech discording String , With every varied Voyce , In VNION doth reioyce .

Here , they daunced forth a most neate and curious Measure , full of Subtelty and Device ; which was so excellently performed , as it seemed to take away that Spirite from the Invention , which the Invention gave to it : and left it doubtfull , whether the Formes flow'd more perfectly from the Authors braine , or their feete . The Straines were all notably different , some of them formed into Letters , very signifying to the Name of the Bridgroome , and ended in manner of a Chaine , linking hands : To which , this was spoken .

REASON . SVch was a the Golden Chaine let down from Heaven ; And not those Linkes more even , Then these : so sweetly temper'd , so combin'd By VNION , and refin'd . Here no Contention , Envie , Griefe , Deceipt , Feare , Iealousie have weight ; But all is Peace , and Love , and Faith , and Blisse : What Harmony like this ? The Gall , behinde the Altar quite is throwne ; This Sacrifice hath none . Now no Affections rage , nor Humors swell ; But all composed dwell . O IVNO , HYMEN , HYMEN , IVNO ! who Can merit with you two ? Without your presence , VENVS can doe nought , Save what with shame is bought : No Father can himselfe a Parent show , Nor any House with prosp'rous Issue grow . O then ! What Deities will dare With HYMEN , or with IVNO to compare ?

The speach being ended , they dissolv'd : and all tooke forth other Persons , ( Men , and Women , ) to daunce other Measures , Galliards , and Corranto's ; the whilst this Song importun'd them to a fit Remembrance of the Time .

Thinke , yet , how Night doth wast , How much of Time is past , What more then winged hast Your selves would take , If you were but to tast The ioy , the Night doth cast ( O might it ever last ) On this bright Virgin , and her happy Make .

Their Daunces yet lasting , they were the second time importun'd , by Speach .

REASON . See , see ! the bright a Idalian Starre , That lighteth Lovers to their Warre , Complaines , that you her influence loose ; While thus the Night-sports you abuse . HYMEN . THe longing Bridegroome , b in the Porch , Shewes you againe , the bated Torch ; And thrice hath IVNO c mixt her Ayre With Fire , to sommon your repaire . REASON . SEe , now she cleane withdrawes her Light ; And ( as you should ) gives place to Night : That spreades her broad , and blackest wing Vpon the world , and comes to bring A d thousand severall-colour'd Loves , Some like Sparrowes , some like Doves , That hop about the Nuptiall-Roome , And flutt'ring there ( against you come ) Warme the chaste Bowre , which e CYPRIA strowes , With many a Lilly , many a Rose . HYMEN . HAste therefore , haste , and call , Away : The gentle Night is prest to pay The vsurie of long Delights , She owes to these protracted Rites .

At this ( the whole Scene being drawne againe , and all cover'd with Cloudes , as a Night , ) they left off their entermixed Daunces , and return'd to their first Places ; where , as they were but begining to move , this Song , the third time , vrg'd them .

O Know to end , as to beginne : A Minutes losse , in Love , is sinne . These Humors will the Night out weare In their owne Pastimes here ; You doe our Rites much wrong , In seeking to Prolong These outward Pleasures : The Night hath other Treasures Then these ( though long concea'ld ) Ere day , to be reveal'd . Then , know to end , as to beginne ; A Minutes losse , in Love , is sinne .

Here they daunc'd their last Daunces , full of excellent delight and change , and , in their latter straine , fell into a faire Orbe , or Circle ; REASON standing in the midst , and speaking .

REASON . HEre stay , and let your Sports be crown'd : The perfect'st Figure is the Round . Nor fell you in it by adventer , When REASON was your Guide , and Center . This , this that beauteous a Ceston is of Lovers many-coulor'd Blisse . Come HYMEN , make an inner Ring , And let the Sacrificers sing ; Cheare vp the faint , and trembling Bride , That quakes to touch hir Bridegroom's side : Tell her , what IVNO is to IOVE , The same shall she be to her Love ; His Wife : which we doe rather measure b A Name of Dignity , then Pleasure . Vp Youths , hold vp your Lights in ayre , And shake abroad c their flaming haire . Now move vnited , and , in Gate , As you ( in paires ) doe front the State , With gratefull Honors , thanke his Grace That hath so glorified the Place : And as , in Circle , you depart Link'd hand in hand ; So , heart in heart , May all those Bodies still remaine Whom he , ( with so much sacred paine ) No lesse hath bound within his Realmes Then they are with the OCEANS streames . Long may his VNION find increase As hee , to ours , hath deign'd his peace .

With this , to a soft straine of Musique , they pac'd once about , in their Ring , every Payre making their Honors , as they came before the State : and then dissolving , went downe in Couples , led on by HYMEN , the Bride , and Auspices following , as to the Nuptiall Bowre . After them , the Musitians with this Song , of which , then , onely one Staffe was sung ; but because I made it both in Forme , and Matter to aemulate that kinde of Poeme , which was call'd a Epithalamium , and ( by the Auntients ) vs'd to be song , when the Bride was led into her Chamber , I have here set it down whole : and doe hartily forgive their ignorance whom it chanceth not to please . Hoping , that Nemo doctus me iubeat Thalassionem verbis dicere non Thalassionis .

GLad Time is at his point arriv'd , For which Loves hopes were so long-liv'd . Lead HYMEN , lead away ; And let no Obiect stay , Nor Banquets , ( but sweete kisses ) The Turtles from their Blisses . b T is CVPID calls to arme ; And this his last Alarme . Shrinke not , soft VIRGIN , you will love , Anone , what you so feare to prove . This is no killing Warre , To which you pressed are ; But faire and gentle strife Which Lovers call their Life . T is CVPID cries to Arme ; And this his last Alarme . Helpe Youths , and Virgins , helpe to sing The Prize , which HYMEN here doth bring , And did so lately a rap From forth the Mothers lap , To place her by that side Where she must long abide . On HYMEN , HYMEN call , This Night is HYMEN's all . See , HESPERVS is yet in view ! What Starre can so deserve of you ? Whose light doth still adorne Your Bride , that ere the Morne , Shall farre more perfect bee , And rise as bright as Hee ; When b ( like to him ) her Name Is chang'd , but not her Flame . Hast , tender Lady , and adventer ; The covetous House would have you enter , That it might wealthy bee , And you , her c Mistresse see : Hast your owne good to meete ; Aud a lift your golden feete Above the Threshold , high , With prosperous Augury . Now , Youths , let goe your pretty armes ; The Place within chant's other charmes . Whole showers of Roses flow ; And Violets seeme to grow , Strew'd in the Chamber there , As VENVS Meade it were . On HYMEN , HYMEN call , This Night is HYMEN's all . Good Matrons , that so well are knowne To aged Husbands of your owne , Place you our Bride to night ; And b snatch away the Light : That c she not hide it dead Beneath her Spouse's Bed ; Nor d he reserve the same To helpe the funerall Flame . So , now you may admit him in ; The Act he covets , is no Sinne , But chast , and holy Love , Which HYMEN doth approve : Without whose hallowing Fires All Aymes are base Desires . On HYMEN , HYMEN call , This Night is HYMEN's all . Now , free from Vulgar Spight , or Noyse , May you enioy your mutuall ioyes ; Now , You no Feare controules , But Lippes may mingle Soules ; And soft Embraces binde , To each , the others Minde : Which may no Power vntie , Till One , or both must die . And , looke , before you yeeld to slumber , That your Delights be drawne past number ; " Ioyes , got with strife , increase . Affect no sleepy peace ; But keepe the Brides faire eyes Awake , with her owne Cries , Which are but Mayden-feares : And Kisses drie such teares . Then , Coyne them , twixt your Lippes so sweete , And let not Cockles closer meete ; Nor may your Murmuring Loves Be drown'd by a CYPRIS Doves : Let Ivie not so bind As when your Armes are twin'd : That you may Both , e're Day , Rise perfect every way . And , IVNO , whose great Powers protect The Marriage-Bed , with good effect The Labour of this Night Blesse thou , for future Light ; And , Thou , thy happy charge , Glad b GENIVS , enlarge : That they may Both , e're Day , Rise perfect every way . And a VENVS , Thou , with timely seede ( Which may their after-Comforts breede ) Informe the gentle Wombe ; Nor , let it prove a Tombe : But , e're ten Moones be wasted , The Birth , by CYNTHIA hasted . So may they Both , e're Day , Rise perfect everie Way . And , when the Babe to light is showne , Let it be , like each Parent , knowne ; Much of the Fathers Face , More of the Mothers Grace : And eyther Grand-Sires Spirit , And Fame let it inherit . That Men may blesse th' Embraces , That ioyned two such Races . Cease Youths , and Virgins , you have done ; Shut fast the Dore : And , as They soone To their Perfection hast , So may their ardors last . So eithers strength out-live All losse that Age can give : And , though full Yeares be tolde , Their Formes growe slowly olde .

HItherto extended the first Nights Solemnitie , whose Grace in the Exequution left not where to adde vnto it , with wishing : I meane , ( nor doe I court them ) in those , that sustain'd the Nobler parts . Such was the exquisit Performance , as ( beside the Pompe , Splendour , or what wee may call Apparrelling of such Presentments ) that alone ( had all else beene absent ) was of power to surprize with Delight , and steale away the Spectators from themselves . Nor was there wanting whatsoever might give to the Furniture , or Complement : eyther in riches , or strangenesse of the Habites , delicacie of Daunces , Magnificence of the Scene , or divine Rapture of Musique . Onely the Envie was , that it lasted not still , or ( now it is past ) cannot by Imagination , much lesse Description , be recover'd to a part of that Spirit , it had in the gliding by .

Yet , that I may not vtterly defraud the Reader of his Hope , I am drawne to give it those briefe touches , which may leave behind some shadow of what it was : And first of the Attires .

That , of the Lords , had parte of it ( for the fashion ) taken from the Antique Greeke Statue ; mixed with some Moderne Additions : which made it both gracefull , and strange . On their Heades they wore Persick Crowns , that were with Scroles of Gold-plate turn'd outward ; and wreath'd about with a Carnation and Silver Net-lawne : The one End of which hung carelesly on the left shoulder , the other was trick'd vp before in severall degrees of fouldes , betweene the Plates , and set with rich Iewelles , and great Pearle . Their Bodies were of Carnation cloth of silver , richly wrought , and cut to expresse the Naked , in maner of the Greeke Thorax ; girt vnder the Breasts , with a broade Belt of Cloth of Golde , imbrodered , and fastned before with Iewells : Their Labells were of White Cloth of silver , lac'd , and wrought curiously betweene , sutable to the vpper halfe of their Sleeves ; whose nether partes , with their Bases , were of Watchet Cloth of Silver , chev'rond all over with Lace . Their Mantills were of severall colour'd silkes , distinguishing their Qualities , as they were coupled in payres ; The first , Skie colour ; The second , Pearle colour ; The third , Flame colour ; The fourth , Tawnie ; And these cut in leaves , which were subtilly tack'd vp , and imbrodered with Oo's , and between every ranke of Leaves , a broad silver Lace . They were fastned on the right shoulder , and fell Compasse downe the backe in gratious folds , and were againe tied with a round Knot , to the fastning of their Swords . Vpon their legges they wore Silver Greaves , answering in worke to their Labells ; and these were their Accoutrements .

The Ladies Attire was wholy new , for the Invention , and full of Glory ; as having in it the most true impression of a Celestiall Figure : The vpper part of White Cloth of Silver , wrought with IVNOES Birdes and Fruicts ; A loose vnder garment , full-gather'd , of Carnation , strip't with Silver , and parted with a Golden Zone ; Beneath that , an other flowing Garment , of Watchet Cloth of Silver , lac'd with Gold : Through all which , though they were round , and swelling , there yet appear'd some touch of their delicate Lineaments , preserving the sweetenesse of Proportion , and expressing it selfe beyond expression . The Attire of their Heads , did answer , if not exceede ; their Hayre being carelesly ( but yet with more art , then if more affected ) bound vnder the circle of a rare , and rich Coronet , adorn'd with all variety , and choyce of Iewells ; from the top of which , flow'd a trasparent Veile downe to the ground ; whose verge , returning vp , was fastned to eyther side in most sprightly Manner . Their shooes were Azure , and Gold , set with Rubies , and Diamonds ; so were all their Garments : and euery part abounding in Ornament .

No lesse to be admir'd , for the Grace , and Greatnesse , was the whole Machine of the Spectacle , from whence they came : the first part of which was a {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , or Globe , filld with Countreys , and those guilded ; where the Sea was exprest , heightned with siluer waues . This stoode , or rather hung , ( for no Axell was seene to support it ) and turning softly , discoverd the first Masque , ( as we have before , but too runningly declar'd ) which was of the Men , sitting in faire Composition , within a Mine of severall Mettalls : To which , the Lights were so plac'd , as noe one was seene ; but seemed , as if onely REASON , with the splendor of her Crowne , illumin'd the whole Grot .

On the sides of this ( which began the other part ) were placed two great Statues , fayn'd of Gold , one of Atlas , the other of Hercules , in varied postures , bearing vp the Cloudes , which were of Releue , embossed , and tralucent , as Naturalls : To these , a Cortine of painted Cloudes ioyned , which reach'd to the vpmost Roofe of the Hall ; and sodainely opening , reveal'd the three Regions of Ayre : In the highest of which , sate IVNO , in a glorious Throne of Gold , circled with Comets , and fiery Meteors , engendred in that hot and dry Region ; her Feete reaching to the lowest , where was made a Rainebow , and within it , Musitians seated , figuring Ayry Spirits , their habits various , and resembling the seuerall colours , caused in that part of the Ayre by reflexion . The midst was all of darke and condensed Cloudes , as being the proper Place where Rayne , Hayle , and other watry Meteors are made ; out of which two concave Clouds , from the rest , thrust forth themselves ( in nature of those Nimbi , wherein , by Homer , Virgill , &c. the Gods are fain'd to descend ) and these carried the eight Ladies , over the heads of the two a Termes ; who ( as the Ingine mov'd ) seem'd also to bow themselves ( by vertue of their shadowes ) and discharge their shoulders of their glorious burden : when , having set them on the Earth , both they , and the Cloudes gather'd themselves vp againe , with some rapture of the Beholders .

But that , which ( as above in place , so in the beuty ) was most taking in the Spectacle , was the Spheare of Fire ; in the top of all , encompassing the Ayre , and imitated with such art , and industry , as the Spectators might discerne the Motion ( all the time the Shewes lasted ) without any Moover : and , that so swift , as no Eye could distinguish any Colour of the Light , but might forme to it selfe five hundred severall hewes , out of the tralucent Body of the Ayre , obiected betwixt it , and them .

And this was crown'd with a statue of IVPITER , the Thunderer .

The Designe , and Act of all which , together with the Device of their Habits , belongs properly to the Merit , and Reputation of Maister YNYGO IONES ; whom I take modest occasion , in this fit place , to remember , lest his owne worth might accuse mee of an ignorant neglect from my silence .

And here , that no mans Deservings complain of iniustice ( though I should have done it timelier , I acknowledge ) I doe for honours sake , and the pledge of our Friendship , name Ma. ALPHONSO FERABOSCO , a Man , planted by himselfe , in that divine Spheare ; & mastring all the spirits of Musique : To whose iudiciall Care , and as absolute Performance , were committed all those Difficulties both of Song , and otherwise . Wherein , what his Merit made to the Soule of our Invention , would aske to be exprest in Tunes , no lesse ravishing then his . Vertuous friend , take well this abrupt testimonie , and thinke whose it is : It cannot be Flatterie , in me , who never did it to Great ones ; and lesse then Love , and Truth it is not , where it is done out of Knowledge .

The Daunces were both made , and taught by Maister THOMAS GILES ; and cannot bee more approv'd , then they did themselves : Nor doe I want the will , but the skill to commend such Subtilties ; of which the Spheare , wherein they were acted , is best able to iudge .

What was my part , the Faults here , as well as the Vertues must speake . Mutare dominum nec potest Liber notus .

ON the next Night , whose Solemnitie was of Barriers , ( all mention of the former , being vtterly remo'vd , and taken away ) there appeared , at the lower end of the Hall , a Mist made of delicate perfumes ; out of which ( a Battaile being sounded vnder the Stage ) did seeme to breake foorth two Ladies , the one representing TRVTH , the other OPINION : but both so alike attired , as they could by no Note , be distinguish'd . The colour of their Garments were blew , their Socks White ; They were crowned with wreathes of Palme , and in their hands , each of them sustain'd a Palm-bough . These , after the Mist was vanished , began to examine each other curiously with their eyes , and approching the State , the one expostulated the other in this manner .

TRVTH . WHo art thou , thus that imitat'st my Grace , In Steppes , in Habite , and resembled Face ? OPINION . Grave a Time , and Industry my Parents are ; My Name is TRVTH , who through these sounds of War ( Which figure the wise Mindes discursive fight ) In Mists by Nature wrapt , salute the Light . TRVTH . I am that TRVTH , thou some illusive Spright ; Whome to my likenesse , the blacke Sorceresse Night Hath of these drie , and empty fumes created . OPINION . Best Herald of thine owne Birth , well related : Put me and mine to proofe of wordes , and facts , In any Question this faire Houre exacts . TRVTH . I challenge thee , and fit this Time of Love , With this Position , which TRVTH comes to prove ; That the most honor'd state of Man and Wife , Doth farre exceede th' insociate Virgin-Life . OPINION . I take the adverse part ; and she that best Defends her side , be TRVTH by all confest . TRVTH . It is confirm'd . With what an equall brow To TRVTH , a OPINION' 's confident ! and how , Like TRVTH , her Habite shewes to sensuall Eies ! But whosoe're thou be , in this disguise , Cleare TRVTH , anone , shall strippe thee to the heart ; And shew how mere Phantasticall thou arte . Know then , the first Production of Things , Required Two ; from meere One nothing springs : Without that knot , the Theame thou gloriest in , ( Th' vnprofitable Virgin ) had not bin . The Golden Tree of Marriage began In Paradise , and bore the fruict of Man ; On whose sweete branches Angells sate , and sung , And from whose firme roote all Societie sprung . LOVE ( whose strong Vertue wrapt Heav'ns soule in Earth , And made a Woman glory in his Birth In Marriage , opens his inflamed Breast ; And , lest in him Nature should stifled rest , His geniall fire about the world he dartes ; Which Lippes with Lippes combines , and Hearts with Hearts . Marriage LOVES Obiect is ; at whose bright eies He lights his Torches , and call's them his Skies . For her , he wings his shoulders ; and doth flie To her white bosome , as his Sanctuary : In which no lustfull Finger can profane him , Nor anie Earth , with blacke Eclipses wane him . She makes him smile in sorrowes , and doth stand Twixt him , and all wants , with her silver hand . In her soft Lockes , his tender Feete are tied ; And in his Fetters he takes worthy pride . And as Geometricians have approv'd That Lines , and Superficies are not mov'd By their owne forces , but doe follow still . Their Bodies motions ; so the selfe-lov'd Will Of Man , or Woman should not rule in them , But each with other weare the Anademe . Mirrors , thogh deckt with Diamants , are noght worth , If the like Formes of Things they set not forth ; So Men , or Women are worth Nothing , neyther , If eithers Eyes and Hearts present not either . OPINION . Vntouch'd Virginity , Laugh out ; to see Freedome in Fetters plac'd , and vrg'd 'gainst thee . What Griefes lie groaning on the Nuptiall Bed ? What dull Satietie ? In what sheetes of Lead Tumble , and tosse the restlesse Married Paire , Each , oft , offended with the Others aire ? From whence springs all-devouring Avarice , But from the Cares , which out of Wedlocke rise ? And , where there is in Lifes best-tempred Fires And End , set in it selfe to all desires , A setled Quiet , Freedome never checkt , How farre are Maried Lives from this effect ? a EVRIPVS , that beares Shippes , in all their pride , Gainst roughest Windes , with violence of his Tide , And ebbes , and flowes , seven times in every day , Toyles not more turbulent , or fierce then they . And the� , what Rules Husbands praescribe their Wives ! In their Eyes Circles , they must bound their Lives . The Moone , when farthest from the Sunne she shines , Is most refulgent ; nearest , most declines : But your poore Wives farre off must never rome , But wast their Beauties , neare their Lords , at home : And when their Lords range out , at home must hide ( Like to beg'd Monopolies ) all their Pride . When their Lords list to feede a serious Fit They must be serious ; when to shew their Wit In Iests , and Laughter , they must laugh , and iest ; When they wake , wake ; and when they rest , must rest . And to their Wives Men give such narrow scopes , As if they meant to make them walke on Ropes : No Tumblers bide more perill of their Necks In all their Tricks ; Then Wives in Husbands Checks . Where Virgins , in their sweete , and peacefull State Have all things perfect ; spinne their owne free Fate ; Depend on no prowd Second ; are their owne Center , and Circle ; Now , and alwaies One . To whose Example , we doe still heare nam'd One God , one Nature , and but one World fram'd , One Sunne , one Moone , one Element of Fire , So , of the Rest ; One King , that doth inspire Soule , to all Bodies , in this royall Spheare : TRVTH . And where is Mariage more declar'd , then there ? Is there a Band more strict , then that doth tie The Soule , and Body in such vnity ? Subiects to Soveraignes ? doth one Mind display In th'ones Obedience , and the others Sway ? Beleeve it , Mariage suffers no compare , When both Estates are valew'd , as they are . The Virgin were a strange , and stubborne Thing , Would longer stay a Virgin , then to bring Her selfe fit vse , and profit in a Make . OPINION . How she doth erre ! and the whole Heav'n mistake ! Looke how a Flower , that close in Closes growes , Hid from rude Cattell , bruised with no Ploughes , Which th' Ayre doth stroke , Sun strengthen , Showers It many Youths , & many Maids desire ; ( shoot higher , The same , when cropt by cruell hand is wither'd , No Youths at all , No Maydens have desir'd : So a Virgin , while vntouch'd she doth remaine , Is deare to hers ; but when with Bodyes stayne Her chaster Flower is lost , she leaves to appeare Or sweete to Yong Men , or to Maydens deare . That Conquest then may crowne me in this Warre , Virgins , O Virgins fly from HYMEN farre . TRVTH . Virgins , O Virgins , to sweete HYMEN yeeld , For as a lone Vine , in a naked Field , Never extols her branches , never beares Ripe Grapes , but with a headlong heavinesse weares Her tender bodie , and her highest sproote Is quickly levell'd with hir fading roote ; By whom no Husband-men , no Youths wil dwell ; But if , by fortune , she be married well To th Elme , her Husband , many Husband-men , And many Youths inhabite by her , then : So whilst a Virgin doth , vntouch't , abide All vnmanur'd , she growes old , with hir pride ; But when to equall Wedlocke , in fit Time , Her Fortune , and Endeuor lets her clime Deare to her Loue , and Parents , she is held . Virgins , O Virgins , to sweete HYMEN yeeld . OPINION . These are but words ; hast thou a Knight will trie ( By stroke of Armes ) the simple Veritie ? TRVTH . To that high proofe I would haue dared thee . I le strait fetch Champions for the Brides and Mee . OPINION . The like will I do for Virginitie .

HEre , they both descended the Hall , where at the lower end , a March being sounded with Drums and Phifes , there entred ( led foorth by the Earle of Notingham , who was Lord high Constable for that night , and the Earle of Worc'ster , Earle Marshall ) sixteene Knights , Armed , with Pikes , and Swords ; their Plumes , and Colours , Carnation and White , all richly accoutred , and making their Honors to the State , as they march'd by in Paires , were all rank'd on one side of the Hall . They plac'd , Sixteene others alike accoutred for Riches , and Armes , onely that their Colours were varied to Watchet , and White ; were by the same Earles led vp , and passing in like manner , by the State , plac'd on the opposite side . Whose Names ( as they were given to me , both in Order , and Orthographie ) were these . TRVTH . Duke of LENNOX . Lo. EFFINGHAM . Lo. WALDEN , Lo. MOVNTEAGLE . Sir THO. SOMERSET . Sir CHAR HOVVARD . Sir IOHN GRAY . Sir THO MOVNSON . Sir IOHN LEIGH . Sir ROB. MAVNSELL . Sir EDVV . HOVVARD . Sir HEN GOODYERE . Sir ROGER DALISON . Sir FRAN HOVVARD . Sir LEVV . MAVNSELL . Mr. GVNTERET . OPINION . Earle of SVSSEX . Lo. WILLOVGHBY . Lo � GERRARD . Sir . ROB. CAREY . Sir OL. CRVMVVEL . Sir WIL. HERBERT . Sir ROB. DREVVRY . Sir WI. WOODHOVSE . Sir CAREY REYNOLDS . Sir RIC. HOVGHTON . Sir WIL. CONSTABLE . Sir THO. GERRARD , Sir ROB. KYLLEGREVV . Sir THO BADGER . Sir THO. DVTTON . Mr. DIG BIE.

By this time , the Barre being brought vppe , TRVTH proceeded .

TRVTH . Now ioyne ; and if his varied Triall faile , To make my Truth in Wedlocks praise prevaile , I will retire , and in more power appeare ; To cease this strife , and make our Question cleare . Whereat OPINION insulting , followed her with this speach . OPINION . I , Doe : it were not safe thou shouldst abide : This speakes thy Name , with shame to quit thy side .

Heere the Champions on both sides addresst themselves for fight , first Single ; after Three to Three : and performed it with that alacritie , and vigor , as if MARS himselfe had beene to triumph before VENVS , & invented a new Musique . When , on a sodaine , ( the last Six having scarcely ended ) a striking Light seem'd to fil all the Hall , and out of it an Angell or Messenger of Glorie appearing .

ANGEL . PRinces , attend a tale of height , and wonder . TRVTH is descended in a second Thunder , And now will greete you , with ludiciall state , To grace the Nuptiall part in this debate ; And end with reconciled hands these warres . Vpon her head she weares a Crowne of Starres , Through which her orient Hayre waves to her wast , By which beleeving Mortalls hold her fast , And in those golden Chordes are carried even Till with her breath she blowes them vp to Heaven . She weares a Roabe enchas'd with Eagles Eyes , To signifie her sight in Mysteries ; Vpon each shoulder sits a milke white Dove , And at her feete doe witty Serpents move : Her spacious Armes doe reach from East to West , And you may see her Heart shine through her breast . Her right hand holds a Sunne with burning Rayes , Her left a curious bunch of golden Kayes , With which Heav'n Gates she locketh , and displayes . A Cristall Mirror hangeth at her brest , By which mens Consciences are search'd , and drest : On her Coach wheeles Hypocrisie lies rackt ; And squint-eyd Slander , with Vaine-Glory backt Her bright Eyes burne to dust : in which shines Fate . An Angel vshers hir triumphant Gate , Whilst with her fingers Fannes of Starres she twists , And with them beates backe Error , clad in mists . Eternall Vnity behind her shines That Fire , and Water , Earth , and Ayre combines . Her voyce is like a Trumpet lowd , and shrill , Which bids all sounds in Earth , and Heav'n be still . And see ! descended from her Chariot now , In this related Pompe she visits you . TRVTH . Honor to all , that Honor Nuptialls . To whose faire Lot , in iustice , now it falls , That this my Counterfeit be here disclos'd , Who , for Virginity hath her selfe oppos'd . Nor , though my Brightnesse doe vndoe her Charmes , Let these her Knights thinke , that their equall Armes Are wrong'd therein ; " For Valure wins applause " That dares , but to maintaine the weaker Cause . And Princes , see , t is meere OPINION , That in TRVTH' 's forced Robe , for TRVTH hath gone ! Her gaudy Colours , peec'd , with many Folds , Shew what vncertainties she ever holds : Vanish Adult'rate TRVTH , and never dare With prowd Maydes prayse , to prease where Nuptialls are . And Champions , since you see the Truth I held , To Sacred HYMEN , reconciled , yeeld : Nor , ( so to yeeld , ) thinke it the least Despight " It is a Conquest to submit to Right . This Royall Iudge of our Contention Will prop , I know , what I have vnder gone ; To whose right Sacred Highnesse I resigne Low , at his feete , this Starry Crowne of mine , To shew his Rule , and Iudgement is diuine ; These Doves to him I consecrate withall , To note his Innocence , without spot , or gall ; These Serpents , for his Wisedome ; and these Rayes , To shew his piercing Splendor ; These bright Keyes , Designing Power to ope the ported Skies , And speake their Glories to his Subjects Eyes . Lastly , this Heart , with which all Hearts be true : And TRVTH in him make Treason ever rue .

With This , they were led forth , hand in hand , reconciled , as in Triumph : and thus the Solemnities ended .

Vivite concordes , & nostrum discite munus .
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A04654-e100120 a Mystically implying , that both It , the Place , and all the succeeding Ceremonies vvere sacred to Marriage , or VNION ; over vvhich IVNO vvas praesident : to vvhom there vvas the like Altar erected , at Rome , as she vvas called IVGA IVNO , in the Street , vvhich thence , vvas named lugarius . See Fest. and , at vvhich Altar , the Rite vvas to ioyne the maried Paire vvith bands of silke , in signe of future Concord . a Those vvere the Quinque Cerei , vvhich Plutarch in his Quaest. Roman . mentions to be vsed in Nuptialls . b The dressing of the Bridegroome ( vvith the Antients ) vvas chiefly noted in that , quód tonderetur . lu . Sat. 6. lámque à Tonsore magistro Pecteris . And Lucan . li. 2. VVhere he makes Cato negligent of the Ceremonies in Marriage , sayth , Ille nec horrificam sancto dimovit abore Caesariem . c See hovv he is called out , by Catullus in Nupt. Iul. & Manl. Cinge tempora floribus Suave olentis amaraci &c. d For so I preserve the Reading , there , in Catull . Pineam quate taedam , rather than to change it Spineam ; and mooved by the authoritie of Virg. in Ciri , vvhere he sayes , Pronuba nec castos incendet Pinus amores : and Ovid. Fast. lib 2 . Expectet puros pinea taeda dies . Though I deny not , there vvas also Spineataeda , vvhich Plinie calles Nuptiarum facibus auspicatissimam . Nat. Hist. lib. 16. cap 18. and vvhereof Sextus Pompeius Fest. hath left so particular testimonie . For vvhich , see the follovving Note . e This ( by the Antients ) vvas called Camillus , quasi Minister ( for so that signified in the Hetruria� tong ) and vvas one of the three , vvhich by Sex. Pompei . vvere said to be Patrimi & Matrimi , Pueri praetestati tres , qui nubentem deducunt : Vnus , qui facem praefert ex spinâ albâ , Duo qui tenent nubentem . To vvhich conferre that of Varr. lib. 6. de lingua Lat. Dicitur in nuptijs Camillus , qui Cumerum fert : as also that of Fest. lib. 3. Cumeram vocabant Antiqui vas quoddam , quod opertum in Nuptijs ferebant , in quo erant nubentis vtensilia , quod & Camillum dicebant : eò quod sacrorum Ministrum {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} appellabant . a Auspices vver those that ha�d fasted the maried Couple ; that vvished the� good lucke ; that took care for the Dowry : and heard the� professe that they came together , for the Cause of Children . Iuven. Sat 10. Veniet cum signatoribus Auspex . And Lucan . lib. 2. Iungunturtaciti , contentique Auspice Bruto . They vvere also stilld Pronubi , Proxenetae , Paranymphi . b The Custome of Musike at Nuptials , is cleare in all Antiquitie . Ter. Adel. Act. 5. Verum hoc mihi mora est , Tibicina , & Hymenaeum qui cantent . And Claud. in Epithal. Ducant pervigiles carmina Tibiae &c. a That they vvere personated in men , hath ( already ) come vnder some Gramatical exception . But there is more than Gramar to release it . For , besides that Humores and Affectus are both Masculine in Genere , not one of the Specialls , but in some Language is knovvne by a Masculine vvord : Againe , vvhen their Influences are common to both Sexes , and more generally impetuous in the Male , I see not , vvhy they should not , so , be more properly presented . And , for the Allegory , though here it be very cleare , and such as might vvell escape a Candle , yet because there are some , must complain of Darknes , that have but thick Eies , I am contented to hold them this Light First , as in Naturall Bodies , so likevvise in Mindes , there is no disease , or distemperature , but is caused either by som abounding Humor , or perverse Affection ; After the same maner , in Politike Bodies ( vvhere Order , Ceremony , State , Reverence , Devotion , are Parts of the Mind ) by the diffrence , or praedominant Wil of vvhat vve ( Metaphorically ) call Humors , and Affections , all things are troubled and confusd . These , therefore , were Tropically brought in , before Marriage , as disturbers of that Mysticall Body , and the Rites , vvhich vvere Soule vnto it ; that aftervvards , in Marriage , being dutifully tempted by hir Power , they might more fully celebrate the happines of such as live in that svveet Vnion , to the harmonious Lavvs of Nature , and Reason . a Alluding to that opinion of Pythagoras ; vvho held all Reason , all Knowledge , all Discourse of the Soule to be mere Number . See Plut. de Plac. Phil. a {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , vvith the Greekes value the same , that Ceremoniae vvith the Latines ; and imply all sorts of Rites : howsoeuer ( abusively ) they have beene made particular to Bacchus . See Serv. to that of Vir. Aeneid . 4. qualis commotis excita sacris Thyas . b Mac. in som. Scipion. lib. 1. a Properly that , vvhich vvas made ready for the nevv-married Bride , and vvas calld Genialis , à Generandis liberis . Ser. in 6 Aeneid . b See Ovid. Fast. lib. 6. Sic fatus , spinam , quâ tristes pellere pesset A foribus noxas , haec erat alba , dedit . c Plutarch . in Quaest. Rom. And Var. lib. 4 de ling. Lat. d Pun . Nat. Hist. li. 21. ca. 8 e Pomp. Fest. Briss Hotto . de Rit . Nup . f Var lib. 6. de ling. Lat. and Fest. in Frag. g Fest. ibid. h Plutarch . in Quaest. Rom. & in Romul i Plin. Nat. Hist. li. 8. ca. 48 k That vvas Nodus Herculeanus , vvhich the Husband , at night , vntied in signe of good fortune , that hee might be happie in propagation of Issue , as Hercules vvas , vvho left seventie Children . See Fest. in voc . Cingul. a Plutarch . in Quaest. Rom. b See Mart. Capel . lib. 6. de Nupt. Phil. & Mer. in numero Pentade . c With the Greekes ; IVNO vvas interpreted to be the Ayre it selfe . And so Macr. de som. Scipio . li. 1. c. 17. calls her . Mar. Cap. surnames her Aeria , of reigning there . d They vvere sacred to IVNO , in respect of their colors , and temper so like the Aire . Ovid. de Arte Amand. Laudatas ostendit aves Iunonia pennas And Met. li. 2. Habili Saturnia curru Ingreditur liquidum pavonibus aethera pictis . e Shee was call'd Regina IVNO vvith the Latines , because she vvas Soror & Coniux IOVIS , Deorum & hominum Regis . f Reade Apul. describing her , in his 10 , of the Asse . a After the manner of the antique Bend ; the varied colors implying the severall mutations of the Ayre , as Shovvres , Devves , Serenitie , Force of vvinds , clouds Tempest , Snovv , Hayle , Lightning , Thunder , all vvhich had their noises signified in hir Timbrell : the faculty of causing these being ascribed to her , by Virg. Aeneid . lib. 4. vvhere he makes her say , His ego nigrantem commista grandine nimbum Desuper infundam , & tonitru Coelum omne ciebo . b Lillies vvere sacred to IVNO , as being made vvhite vvith her milke , that fell vpon the earth , vvhen IOVE tooke HERCVLES avvay , vvhome by stealth he had layd to her Breast : the Rose vvas also call'd Iunonia . c So vvas she figur'd at Argos , as a Stepmother insulting on the spoyles of her two Privigni , BACCHVS , and HERCVLES . d See Virg. Aeneid . lib. 4. IVNONI ante omnes cui vinela iugalia curae : and in another place , Dant signum prima & Tellus , & Pronuba IVNO : And Ovid. in Phill . Epist. IVNONEM-que terris quae praesidet alma Maritis . a They vvere all eight call'd by particular Surnames of IVNO , ascribed to her for some peculiar propertie in Marriage , as somvvhere after is more fitly declared . a This Surname IVNO receiv'd of the Sabines ; from them , the Romanes gave it her : of the Speare , vvhich ( in the Sabine tongue ) vvas called Curis , and vvas that , vvhich they nam'd Hasta Caelibaris , vvhich had stuck in the Body of a slaine Svvord-player , and vvherewith the Brides Head vvas drest . vvhereof Fest. in Voce Celibar . gives these reasons , Vt quemadmodumilla coniuncta fuerit cum corpore Gladiatoris , sic ipsa cum Viro sit ; vel quia Matronae IVNONIS Curitis in tutelâ sit , quae ita appellabatur à ferenda hasta : vel quod fortes viros genitur as ominetur ; vel quod nuptiali iure imperio viri subijcitur Nubens , quià Hasta summa armorum , & imperij est , &c. To most of vvhich Plutarch in his Quaest. Rom . consents , but addes a better in Romul That vvhen they divided the Brides haire vvith the poynt of the Speare , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , it noted their first Nuptialles ( with the Sabines ) were contracted by force , and as with Enemies . Hovvsoever , that it was a Custome with them , this of Ovid. Fast. lib. 2. confirmes . Comat Virgineas hasta recurva comas . b For the Surname of VNXIA , vve have Mart. Capel . his Testimony , De Nupt. Phil. & Mercu . libr. 2. quod vnctionibus praeest : As also Servius , libro quarto Aeneid . vvhere they both report it a Fashion vvith the Romanes , that before the nevv-married Brides entred the houses of their Husbandes , they adorned the Postes of the Gates vvith vvoollen Tavvdries , or Fillets , and annoynted them vvith Oyles , or the fatte of Wolves , and Bores ; being superstitiously possest , that such Oyntments had the vertue of expelling Evilles from the Family : and thence vvere they called Vxores , quasi Vnxores . c Shee vvas named IVGA , propter Iugum , ( as Servius sayes ) for the yoke vvhich vvas imposd , in Matrimony , on those that vvere married , or ( vvith Sex. Pomp Fest. ) quòd Iuges sunt eiusdem iugi Pares , vnde & Coniuges . or in respect of the Altar ( to vvhich I have declar'd before ) sacred to IVNO , in Vico Iugario . d As shee vvas GAMELIA , in sacrificing to her , they tooke avvay the Gall , and threvv it behinde the Altar ; intimating , that ( after Marriage ) there shoulde be knovvne , no Bitternesse , nor Hatred betvveene the ioyned Couple , vvhich might divide , or seperate them : See Plutarch . Connub. Prae. This Rite I have somevvhere follovving touch'd at . e The Title of ITERDVCA shee had amongst them , quòd ad sponsi aedes , sponsas comitabatur ; or vvas a Protectresse of their journey , Mart. Capel . De Nupt. Philolog . & Mercur. libro secundo . The like of DOMIDVCA , quòd ad optatas domus duceret . Mart. ibid. a CINXIA , the same Author gives vnto her , as the Defendresse of Maydes , vvhen they had put off their Girdle , in the Bridall Chamber ; To vvhich , Festus . Cinxiae Iunonis nomen sanctum habebatur in Nuptijs , quod initio Coniugij solutio erat Cinguli , quo nova Nupta erat cincta . And Arnobius , a man most learned in their Ceremonies , lib. 3. advers . Gent. saith , Vnctionibus superest Vnxia . Cinguloruus Cinxia replicationi . b TELIA signifies Perfecta , or , as some translate it , Perfectrix ; vvith Iul. Pol. libr. 3. Onomast . {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} valevves IVNO Praeses Nuptiarum vvho saith , the Attribute descends of {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , vvhich ( vvith the Antients ) signified Marriage , and thence , vvere they called {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , that entred into that estate . Servius interprets it the same vvith GAMELIA , Aeneid . 4. ad verb. Et Iunone secundâ : But it implies much more , as including the faculty to mature , and perfect ; See the Greeke Scholiaste on Pind. Nem. in Hym. ad Thyaeum Vliae filium Argi. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} : that is , Nuptialls are therefore calld {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} because they effect Perfection of Life , and doe note that Maturity vvhich should be in Matrimony . For before Nuptialles , shee is called IVNO {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} that is , Virgo ; after Nuptialls , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , vvhich is adulta , or Perfecta . a Mentioned by HOMER , Ilia ��� . vvhich many have interpreted diversely : all Allegorically ; Pla. in Thaeteto , vnderstands it to be the Sunne , vvhich vvhile he circles the vvorlde in his course , all thinges are safe , and preserved : Others vary it . Macrob , ( to vvhose interpretation , I am specially affected in my Allusion ) considers it thus : in Som. Scip. libr. 1. cap. 14. Ergo cùm ex summo Deo mens , ex mente anima sit ; anima vero & condat , & vita compleat omnia quae sequuntur , cunctaque hic vnus fulgor illuminet , & in vniversis appareat , vt in multis speculis , per ordinem positis , vultus vnus ; Cumque omnia continuis successionibus se sequantur , degenerantia per ordinem ad imum meandi : invenietur pressius intuenti à summo Deo vsque ad vltimam rerum faecem vna mutuis se vinculis religans , & nusquam interrupta connexio . Et haec est Hemeri Catena aurea , quam pendere de coelo in terras Deum iussisse commemorat . To vvhich strengh and evennesse of connexion , I have not absurdly likened this vniting of Humors , and Affections , by the sacred Powers of Mariage . a Stella Veneris , or VENVS , vvhich vvhen it goes before the Sunne , is call'd Phosphorus , or Lucifer ; vvhen it follovves , Hesperus , or Noctifer ( as Cat. translates it . ) See Cic. 2. de Natu. Deor. Mar. Cap. de Nup. Phi. & Mer. libr. 8. The nature of this starre Pythagoras first found out ; and the present office Claud. expresseth in Fescen . Attollens thalamis Idalium iubar dilectus Veneri nascitur Hesperus . b It vvas a Custome for the Man to stand there , expecting the approach of his Bride . See Hotto . de Rit . Nupt. c Alluding to that of Virg. Aeneid . 4. Prima & Tellus , & Pronuba IVNO Dant signum : fulsere ignes , & conscius aether Connubij , &c. d Stat. in Epit. Fulcra , torosque deae , tenerum premit agmen Amorum . And Claud. in Epith. Pennati passim pueri , quo quemque vocavit vmbra , iacent . Both vvhich , prove the Antients faind many Cupids . Reade also Prop. Ele. 29. libr. 2. e VENVS is so induced by Stat. Claud. and others , to celebrate Nuptialls . a VENVS Girdle , mentioned by Homer . Il. ��� . vvhich vvas fain'd to be variously vvrought vvith the Needle , and in it vvoven Love , Desire , Sweetnesse , Soft Parlee , Gracefulnesse , Perswasions , & all the Powers of VENVS . b See the vvords of Aelius verus . in Spartian . c So Cat. in Nup. Iul. & Manlij hath it . Viden' , vt faces splendid as quatiunt comas ? and by and by after , aureas quatium comas . a It had the name à Thalamo , dictum est autem , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} cubiculum Nuptiale primo suo significatu , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , quod est simul genialem vitam agere . Scal. in Poet . b This Poeme had for the most part Versum intercalarem . or Carmen Amoebaeum ; yet that not alvvaies one , but oftentimes varied , and sometimes neglected in the same Song , as in ours you shall finde observed . a The Bride vvas alvvaies fain'd , to be ravish'd ex Gremio Matris ; or ( if she vvere vvanting ) exproximâ Nccessitudine . because that had succeeded vvell to Romulus , vvho , by force gat Wives for him , and his , from the Sabines . See Fest. and that of Catul. Qui rapis teneram ad virum virgine . b When he is Phosphorus , yet the same Star , as I have noted before . c At the entrance of the Bride , the Custome vvas to give her the Keyes , to signifie that she vvas absolute Mistresse of the Place , and the vvhole Disposition of the Familie at her Care , Fest. a This vvas also an other Rite ; that she might not touch the Threshold as she entred , but vvas lifted over it . Servius saith , because it vvas sacred to VESTA . Plut. in . Quaest. Rom. remembers divers causes . But that , vvhich I take to come nearest the truth , vvas only the avoyding of Sorcerous Drugs , vs'd by Witches to be buri'd vnder that Place , to the destroying of Mariage - Amitie , or the Povver of Generation . See Alexand. in Genialibu. and Christ . Landus vpon Gatul . b For this looke Fist. in Voc. Rapi . c quo vtroque mors propanqua alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. d quo vtroque mors propinquae alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. a A frequent Surname of VENVS , not of the Place , as CYPRIA ; but quòd parere faciat , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} Theop. Phurnut . and the Grammarians vpon Homer , See them . b Deus Naturae , sive gignendi . And is the same in the Male , as IVNO in the Female . Hence Genialis Lectus , qui nuptijs sternitur , in honorem Genij . Fesi . Genius meus , quia me genuit . a She hath this faculty given her , by all the Antients See Hom. Iliad . θ . Lucret. in prim . Vir. in 2. Georg &c. a Atlas , and Hercules , the Figures mentioned before . a Truth is fain'd to be the Daughter SATVRNE ; vvho indeede , vvith the Auntients vvas no other than TIME , and so his name alludes , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . Plut. in Quaest To vvhich conferre the Greeke Adage , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . a Hippocrat. in a certaine Epistle to Philopoem . describeth her , Mulierem , quae non mala videatur , sed audacior aspectu & concitatior . To vvhich , Caesare Ripa in his Iconolog . alludeth , in these vvordes , Faccia , ne bella , ne dispiaceuole , &c. a A narrow Sea , betweene Aulis , a Port of Boeotia , and the Isle Euboea . See Pom. Mela. lib. 2.
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Cer�i Those vvere the Quinque Cerei , vvhich Plutarch in his Quaest. Roman . Nup ti�lls his Quaest. Roman . mentions to be vsed in Nuptialls . Caesar�em Ille nec horrificam sancto dimovit abore Caesariem . P�eam preserve the Reading , there , in Catull . Pineam quate taedam , rather than to change it � incendet Pinus amores : and Ovid. Fast. lib 2 . Expectet puros pinea taeda dies . Though praete�tati vvere said to be Patrimi & Matrimi , Pueri praetestati tres , qui nubentem deducunt : Vnus , qui qu� quoddam , quod opertum in Nuptijs ferebant , in quo erant nubentis vtensilia , quod & Camillum dicebant��� erant nubentis vtensilia , quod & Camillum dicebant: eò quod sacrorum Ministrum appell�bant appellabant . P�ranymphi vvere also stilld Pronubi , Proxenetae , Paranymphi . Hym�n�um 5. Verum hoc mihi mora est , Tibicina , & Hymenaeum qui cantent . And Claud. in Epithal . Ducant m�n That they vvere personated in men , hath ( already ) come vnder some Gramatical �ath That they vvere personated in men , hath ( already ) come vnder some Gramatical exception �ut ) come vnder some Gramatical exception . But there is more than Gramar to release it Spe���lls both Masculine in Genere , not one of the Specialls , but in some Language is knovvne by a Masculine I����ences a Masculine vvord : Againe , vvhen their Influences are common to both Sexes , and more generally L��h� thick Eies , I am contented to hold them this Light First , as in Naturall Bodies , so likevvise Poli��ke perverse Affection ; After the same maner , in Politike Bodies ( vvhere Order , Ceremony , State Revere��e Bodies ( vvhere Order , Ceremony , State , Reverence , Devotion , are Parts of the Mind ) by Meta�horically diffrence , or praedominant Wil of vvhat vve ( Metaphorically ) call Humors , and Affections , all things ther��ore things are troubled and confusd . These , therefore , were Tropically brought in , before Marriage Rit�s disturbers of that Mysticall Body , and the Rites , vvhich vvere Soule vnto it ; that aftervvards dut��ully ; that aftervvards , in Marriage , being dutifully tempted by hir Power , they might more fully temp�ed aftervvards , in Marriage , being dutifully tempted by hir Power , they might more fully celebrate hal�ow'd SAve , save the Virgins ; Keepe your hallow'd Lights Vntouch'd : And with their flame Kn�wledge of Pythagoras ; vvho held all Reason , all Knowledge , all Discourse of the Soule to be mere Star�es Lights , her Garments blew , and semined with Starres , girded vnto her with a white Bend , fill'd Bacc�us abusively ) they have beene made particular to Bacchus . See Serv. to that of Vir. Aeneid . 4. Aene�d particular to Bacchus . See Serv. to that of Vir. Aeneid . 4. qualis commotis excita sacris Thyas hut Sacrifice , to VNION . Nor is this Altar but a Signe Of one more soft , and more divine � Genialis , à Generandis liberis . Ser. in 6 . Aeneid . foribu� fatus , spinam , quâ tristes pellere pesset A foribus noxas , �aec erat alba , dedit . �aec tristes pellere pesset A foribus noxas , haec erat alba , dedit . �rat tristes pellere pesset A foribus noxas , �aec erat alba , dedit . dedi� pesset A foribus noxas , �aec erat alba , dedit . P��n Pun . Nat. Hist. li. 21. ca. 8 Br�ss Pomp. Fest. Briss Hotto . de Rit . Nup . sortune Husband , at night , vntied in signe of good fortune , that hee might be happie in propagation M�r See Mart. Capel . lib. 6. de Nupt. Phil. & Mer. in numero Pentade . �n Mart. Capel . lib. 6. de Nupt. Phil. & M�r in numero Pentade . Scip�o the Ayre it selfe . And so Macr. de som. Scipio . li. 1. c. 17. calls her . Mar. Cap. surnames Sor�r IVNO vvith the Latines , because she vvas Soror & Coniux IOVIS , Deorum & hominum Regis D�orum , because she vvas Soror & Coniux IOVIS , Deorum & hominum Regis . h�minum she vvas Soror & Coniux IOVIS , Deorum & hominum Regis . �aculty their noises signified in hir Timbrell : the faculty of causing these being ascribed to her , cal�'d had layd to her Breast : the Rose vvas also call'd Iunonia . Stepmo�her So vvas she figur'd at Argos , as a Stepmother insulting on the spoyles of her two Privigni vin�la Virg. Aeneid . lib. 4. IVNONI ante omnes cui vinela iugalia curae : and in another place , Dant �ugalia Aeneid . lib. 4. IVNONI ante omnes cui vinela iugalia curae : and in another place , Dant signum IVNONEM�que Pronuba IVNO : And Ovid. in Phill . Epist. IVNONEM-que terris quae praesidet alma Maritis . �his This Surname IVNO receiv'd of the Sabines ; from Sab�nes This Surname IVNO receiv'd of the Sabines ; from them , the Romanes gave it her : co�uncta gives these reasons , Vt quemadmodumilla coniuncta fuerit cum corpore Gladiatoris , sic ipsa app�llabatur IVNONIS Curitis in tutelâ sit , quae ita appellabatur à ferenda hasta : vel quod fortes viros qu�d quae ita appellabatur à ferenda hasta : vel quod fortes viros genitur as ominetur ; vel quod vir�s appellabatur à ferenda hasta : vel quod fortes viros genitur as ominetur ; vel quod nuptiali v�l vel quod fortes viros genitur as ominetur ; vel quod nuptiali iure imperio viri subijcitur qu�d quod fortes viros genitur as ominetur ; vel quod nuptiali iure imperio viri subijcitur Nubens R�m To most of vvhich Plutarch in his Quaest. Rom . consents , but addes a better in Romul Merc� Capel . his Testimony , De Nupt. Phil. & Mercu . libr. 2. quod vnctionibus praeest : As qu�d Testimony , De Nupt. Phil. & Mercu . libr. 2. quod vnctionibus praeest : As also Servius , Fille�s of the Gates vvith vvoollen Tavvdries , or Fillets , and annoynted them vvith Oyles , or the Matri��ony sayes ) for the yoke vvhich vvas imposd , in Matrimony , on those that vvere married , or ( vvith ��usdem ( vvith Sex. Pomp Fest. ) quòd Iuges sunt eiusdem iugi Pares , vnde & Coniuges . or in respect Plu�arch vvhich might divide , or seperate them : See Plutarch . Connub . Prae. This Rite I have somevvhere ��� The like of DOMIDVCA , quòd ad optatas domus duceret . Mart. ibid. duc�r�t like of DOMIDVCA , quòd ad optatas domus duceret . Mart. ibid. Vnxi� advers . Gent. saith , Vnctionibus superest Vnxia . Cinguloruus Cinxia replicationi . Praes�s valevves IVNO Praeses Nuptiarum vvho saith , the Attribute descends sai h valevves IVNO Praeses Nuptiarum vvho saith , the Attribute descends of Perf�ction because they effect Perfection of Life , and doe note that Maturity vvhich Perf�cta , vvhich is adulta , or Perfecta . rei�yce , With every varied Voyce , In VNION doth reioyce . Bridgroom� Letters , very signifying to the Name of the Bridgroome , and ended in manner of a Chaine , linking ver� summo Deo mens , ex mente anima sit ; anima vero & condat , & vita compleat omnia quae sequuntur �er vniversis appareat , vt in multis speculis , per ordinem positis , vultus vnus ; Cumque omnia succession��us positis , vultus vnus ; Cumque omnia continuis successionibus se sequantur , degenerantia per ordinem vn� à summo Deo vsque ad vltimam rerum faecem vna mutuis se vinculis religans , & nusquam ius�isse aurea , quam pendere de coelo in terras Deum iussisse commemorat . To vvhich strengh and evennesse evennesle iussisse commemorat . To vvhich strengh and evennesse of connexion , I have not absurdly likened SSee See , see ! the bright Idalian Starre , That �esperus Phosphorus , or Lucifer ; vvhen it follovves , Hesperus , or Noctifer ( as Cat. translates it . Natu�Deor as Cat. translates it . ) See Cic. 2. de Natu.. . Deor. Mar. Cap. de Nup. Phi. & Mer. Pythag�ras Mer. libr. 8. The nature of this starre Pythagoras first found out ; and the present office Att�llens present office Claud. expresseth in Fescen . Attollens thalamis Idalium iubar dilectus Veneri nascitur Pr�nuba of Virg. Aeneid . 4. Prima & Tellus , & Pronuba IVNO Dant signum : fulsere ignes , & conscius Fu�cra Stat. in Epit. Fulcra , torosque deae , tenerum premit agmen Amorum torosq�e Stat. in Epit. Fulcra , torosque deae , tenerum premit agmen Amorum . And �eae Stat. in Epit. Fulcra , torosque deae , tenerum premit agmen Amorum . And Claud. P�nnati premit agmen Amorum . And Claud. in Epith . Pennati passim pueri , quo quemque vocavit vmbra �ocavit Epith . Pennati passim pueri , quo quemque vocavit vmbra , iacent . Both vvhich , prove the �mbra Pennati passim pueri , quo quemque vocavit vmbra , iacent . Both vvhich , prove the Antients E�� Antients faind many Cupids . Reade also Prop. Ele . 29. libr. 2. Il� VENVS Girdle , mentioned by Homer . Il. . ��� . vvhich vvas fain'd to be variously quatiun� quatiunt comas ? and by and by after , aureas quatium comas . Nupti�ll Bride , and Auspices following , as to the Nuptiall Bowre . After them , the Musitians with �st It had the name à Thalamo , dictum est autem , ��biculum cubiculum Nuptiale primo suo significatu , v�tam , quod est simul genialem vitam agere . Scal. in Poet . Gremi� vvas alvvaies fain'd , to be ravish'd ex Gremio Matris ; or ( if she vvere vvanting ) exproximâ ga� succeeded vvell to Romulus , vvho , by force gat Wives for him , and his , from the Sabines Sa�ines force gat Wives for him , and his , from the Sabines . See Fest. and that of Catul. Qui rapis Qu�rapis the Sabines . See Fest. and that of Catul. Qui rapis teneram ad virum virgine . virgin� that of Catul. Qui rapis teneram ad virum virgine . cove�ous . Hast , tender Lady , and adventer ; The covetous House would have you enter , That it might alt erius quo vtroque mors propanqua alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. vl�rius quo vtroque mors propanqua alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. prop��qua quo vtroque mors propinquae alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. alt erius quo vtroque mors prop��qua alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. vl�rius quo vtroque mors prop��qua alterius vltrius captari putatur Fest. ibid. N�w HYMEN call , This Night is HYMEN's all . Now , free from Vulgar Spight , or Noyse , May A��ect ; " Ioyes , got with strife , increase . Affect no sleepy peace ; But keepe the Brides faire �aciat of the Place , as CYPRIA ; but quòd parere faciat , D��s Deus Naturae , sive gignendi . And is the same �ive Deus Naturae , sive gignendi . And is the same in the Male , Fes� qui nuptijs sternitur , in honorem Genij . Fesi . Genius meus , quia me genuit . � her , by all the Antients See Hom. Iliad . θ . Lucret. in prim . Vir. in 2. Georg &c. �xprest Countreys , and those guilded ; where the Sea was exprest , heightned with siluer waues . This stoode onel� as noe one was seene ; but seemed , as if onely REASON , with the splendor of her Crowne the� Atlas , and Hercules , the Figures mentioned before . V�rtuous in Tunes , no lesse ravishing then his . Vertuous friend , take well this abrupt testimonie Qu��� . Plut. in Quaest . To vvhich conferre the Greeke Adage , Hippocrat Hippocrat. . in a certaine Epistle to Philopoem . describeth Eu�oea Aulis , a Port of Boeotia , and the Isle Euboea . See Pom. Mela. lib. 2. Loo�e doth erre ! and the whole Heav'n mistake ! Looke how a Flower , that close in Closes growes vutouch'd Maydens have desir'd : So a Virgin , while vntouch'd she doth remaine , Is deare to hers ; but h�r Fortune , and Endeuor lets her clime Deare to her Loue , and Parents , she is held . Virgins MOV��EAGLE Lo. MOVNTEAGLE . SOME�SET Sir THO. SOMERSET . GVNTE��T Mr. GVNTERET . WILLOV��BY Lo. WILLOVGHBY . � Lo � GERRARD . G�RRARD Lo � GERRARD . CAR�Y Sir . ROB. CAREY . DR�VVRY Sir ROB. DREVVRY . CONSTA�L� Sir WIL. CONSTABLE . ��� seem'd to fil all the Hall , and out of it an Angell or Messenger of Glorie appearing ori�nt weares a Crowne of Starres , Through which her orient Hayre waves to her wast , By which beleeving �ustice Honor Nuptialls . To whose faire Lot , in iustice , now it falls , That this my Counterfeit maint aine Valure wins applause " That dares , but to maintaine the weaker Cause . And Princes , see vncer tainties Colours , peec'd , with many Folds , Shew what vncertainties she ever holds : Vanish Adult'rate TRVTH ye�ld HYMEN , reconciled , yeeld : Nor , ( so to yeeld , ) thinke it the least Despight " It is Iresigne vnder gone ; To whose right Sacred Highnesse I resigne Low , at his feete , this Starry � gall ; These Serpents , for his Wisedome ; and these Rayes , To shew his piercing Splendor Glori�s to ope the ported Skies , And speake their Glories to his Subjects Eyes . Lastly , this Heart
A04636 ---- The alchemist. VVritten by Ben. Ionson Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1612 Approx. 258 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 50 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A04636 STC 14755 ESTC S109357 99845007 99845007 9877 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04636) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 9877) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 757:01) The alchemist. VVritten by Ben. Ionson Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [96] p. Printed by Thomas Snodham, for Walter Burre, and are to be sold by Iohn Stepneth, at the west-end of Paules, London : 1612. In verse. Signatures: A-M⁴. Reproduction of the original the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2002-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-12 Jennifer Kietzman Sampled and proofread 2002-12 Jennifer Kietzman Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE ALCHEMIST . VVritten by BEN. IONSON . — Neque , me vt miretur turba , laboro : Contentus paucis lectoribus . LONDON , Printed by Thomas Snodham , for Walter Burre , and are to be sold by Iohn Stepneth , at the West-end of Paules . 1612. To the Lady , most aequall with vertue , and her Blood : The Grace , and Glory of women . MARY LA : WROTH . Madame , IN the Age of Sacrifices , the truth of Religion was not in the greatnes , and fat of the Offrings , but in the deuotion , and zeale of the Sacrificers : Else , what could a handful of Gummes haue done in the sight of a Hecatombe ? Or how , yet , might a gratefull minde be furnish'd against the iniquitie of Fortune ; except , when she fail'd it , it had power to impart it selfe ? A way found out , to ouercome euen those , whom Fortune hath enabled to returne most , since they , yet leaue themseluesmore . In this assurance am I planted ; and stand with those affections at this Altar , as shall no more auoide the light and witnesse , then they doe the conscience of your vertue . If what● offer beare an acceptable odour , & hold the first strength : It is your valew , thatremembers , where , when , and to whom it was kindled . Otherwise , in these times , there comes rarely forth that thing , so full of authoritie , o● example , but by daylinesse and custome , growes lesse , and looses . But this , safe in your iudgement ( which is a SIDNEYS ) is forbidden to speake more ; least it talke , or looke like one of the ambitious Faces of the time : who , the more they paint , are the lesse themselues . Your La : true honorer . Ben. Ionson . TO THE READER . IF thou beest more , thou art an Vnderstander , and then Itrust thee . If thou art one that tak'st vp , and but a Pretender , beware at what hands thou receiu'st thy commoditie ; for thou wert neuer more fair in theway to be co●ned ( then in this Age , in Poetry , especially in Playes : wherein , now , the Concupiscence of ●ges , and Daunces so raigneth , as to runne away from Nature , and be afraid of her , is the onely point of art that tickles the Spectators . But how out of purpose , and place , doe I name Art ? when the Professors are growne so obstinate contemners of it , and presumers on their owne Naturalls , as they are deriders of all diligence that way , and , by simple mocking at the termes , when they vnderstand not the things , thinke to get of wittily with their Ignorance . Nay , they are esteem'd the more learned , and sufficient for this , by the Multitude , through their excellent vice of iudgement . For they commend Writers , as they doe Fencers , or Wrastlers ; who if they come in robustuously , and put for it with a great deale of violence , are receiu'd for the brauer fellowes : when many times their owne rudenesse is the cause of their disgrace , and a little touch of their Aduersary giues all that boisterous force the foyle , I deny not , but that these men , who alwaies seeke to doe more then inough , may some time happen on some thing that is good , and great ; but very seldome : And when it comes it doth not recompen● the rest of their ill . It sticks out perhaps , and is more eminent , because all is sordide , and vile about it : as lights are more discern'd in a thick darknesse , then a faint shadow . I speake not this , out of a hope to doe good on any man , against his will ; for I know , if it were put to the question of theirs , and mine , the worse would finde more suffrages : because the most fauour common errors . But I giue thee this warning , that there is a great difference betweene those , that ( to gain the opinion of Copie ) vtter all they can , how cuer vnfitly ; and those that vse election , and a meane . For it is onely the disease of the vnskilfull , to thinke rude things greater then polish'd : or scatter'd more numerous then compos'd . To my friend , Mr. Ben : Ionson . vpon his Alchemist . A Master , read in flatteries great skill , Could not passe truth , though he would force his will , By praising this too much , to get more praise In his Art , then you out of yours doe raise . Nor can full truth be vttered of your worth , Vnlesse you your owne praises doe set forth : None else can write so skilfully , to shew Your praise : Ages shall pay , yet still must owe. All I dare say , is , you haue written well , In what exceeding height , I dare not tell . George Lucy . The Persons of the Comoedie . SVBTLE . The Alchemist . FACE . The House-keeper . DOL : Common . Their Colleague . DAPPER . A Clearke . DRVGGER . A Tabacco-man . LOVE-Wit . Master of the House . EPICVRE MAMMON . A Knight . SVRLY . A Gamster . TRIBVLATION . A Pastorof Amstredam . ANANIAS . A Deacon there . KASTRIL . The Angry Boy . Da : PLIANT . His sister : A Widdow . Neighbours . Officers . Mutes . THE ARGVMENT . T he Sicknesse hot , A Master quit , for feare , H is House in Towne : and left one Seruant there . E ase him corrupted , and gaue meanes to know A Cheater , and his Punque ; who now brought low , L eauing their narrow practise , were become C os'ners at large : and , onely wanting some H ouse to set vp , with him they here contract , E ach for a share , and all begin to act . M uch company they draw , and much abuse I n casting Figures , telling Fortunes , Newes , S elling of Flyes , flat Bawdry , with the Stone : T ill It , and They , and All in fume are gone . THE PROLOGVE . FOrtune , that fauours Fooles , these two short howers We wish away ; both for your sakes , and ours , Iudging Spectators : and desire in place , To th' Author iustice , to our selues but grase . Our Scene is LONDON , 'cause we would make knowne . No Countries mirth is better then our owne . No Clime breedes better matter , for your Whore , Baud , Squire , Impostor , many Persons more , Whose manners , now call'd Humors , feede the Stage : And which haue still beene Subiect , to the rage Or spleene of Comick writers . Though this Pen Did neuer ayme to grieue , but better Men ; How e'er the Age , he liues in , doth endure The vices that she breedes , aboue their cure . But , when the wholsome remedies are sweet , And , in their working , Game , and Profit meete , He hopes to finde no spirit so much diseas'd , But will , with such fayre Correctiues , be pleas'd . For here , he doth not feare , who can apply . If there be any , that will sit so nigh Vnto the streame , to looke what it doth runne , They shall finde things , they 'ld thinke , or wish , were done ; They are so naturall follies : But so showne , As euen the Doers may see , and yet not owne . THE ALCHEMIST . ACT. 1. SCENE . 1. FACE . SVBTLE . DOL Common . BEleeu 't I will. SVB. Thy worst . I fart at thee . DOL. Ha'you your wits ? Why Gentlemen ! for loue — FAC. Sirah , I 'll strip you — SVB. What to do ? licke figs Out at my — FAC. Rogue , Rogue , out of all your sleights . DOL. Nay , look ye ! Soueraigne , General , are you Madmen ? SVB. O , let the wild sheepe loose . I le gumme your silkes With good strong water , an'you come . DOL. Will you haue The neighbours heare you ? Will you betray all ? Hearke , I heare some body . FAC. Srah. SVB. I shall marre All that the Taylor has made , if you approach . FAC. You most notorious whelpe , you insolent slaue , Dare you doe this ? SVB. Yes faith , yes faith . FAC. Why ! who Am I , my Mungrill ? Who am I ? SVB. I 'll tell you , Since you know not your selfe . FAC. Speake lower , Rogue . SVB. Yes . You were once ( time 's not long past ) the good , Honest , plaine , liuerie-three-pound-Thrum ; that kept Your Maisters worships house , here , in the Friers , For the vacations . FAC. Will you be so loud ? SVB. Since , by my meanes , translated Suburb-Captaine . FAC. By your meanes , Doctor Dog ? SVB. Within mans memory , All this , I speake of . FAC. Why , I pray you , haue I Beene countenanc'd by you ? or you , by me ? Doe but collect , Sr. where I met you first . SVB. I doe not heare well . FAC. Not of this , I thinke it . But I shall put you in minde , Sr. at Pie-Corner , Taking your meale of steeme in , from Cookes stalls Where , like the Father of Hunger , you did walke Pi●eously costiue with your pinch'd horne-nose , And your complexion , of the Roman● wash , Stuck full of blacke , and melancholique wormes , Like poulder cornes , shot , at th' Artillery-yard . SVB. I wish , you could aduance your voice , a little . FAC. When you went pinn'd vp , in the seuerall ragges , Yo 'had rak'd , and pick'd from dungh●s , before day , Your feete in mouldy s●ppers , for your kibes , A felt of rugg , and a thin thredden cloake , That scarce would couer your no-buttockes . SVB. So Sr. FAC. When all your Alchemye , and your Algebra , Your Mineralls , Vegetalls , and Animalls , Your Coniuring , Cosning , and your dosen of Trades Could not relieue your corps , with so much linnen Would make you tinder , but to see a fire ; I ga'you count'nance , credit for your Coales , Your Stilles , your Glasses , your Materialls , Built you a Fornace , drew you Customers , Aduanc'd all your blacke Arts ; lent you , beside . A house to practise in . SVB. Your Masters house ? FAC. Where you haue studied the more thriuing skill Of Bawdry , since . SVB. Yes , in your Masters house . You , and the Rats , here , kept possession . Make it not strange . I know , you were one , could keepe The Buttry-hatch still lock'd , and saue the chippings , Sell the dole-beere to Aqua-v●tae men , The which , together with your Christmasse vailes , At Post , and Paire , your letting out of Counters , Made you a pretty stocke some twenty markes , And gaue you credit , to conuerse with cobwebs , Here , since your Mistresse death hath broke vp house . FAC. You might talke softlier , Raskall . SVB. No , you Scarabe , I 'll thunder you , in peeces . I will teach you How to beware , to tempt a Fury ' againe That carries tempest in his hand , and voyce . FAC. The Place has made you valiant . SVB. No , your Clothes . Thou Vermine haue I tane thee , out of dung , So poore , so wretched , when no liuing thing Would keepe thee company , but a Spider , or worse ? Raysd thee from broomes , and dust , and watring pots ? Sublsm'd thee , and exal●ed thee , and fix'd thee I' the third region , the high state of grace ? Wrought thee to spirit , to quintessence , with paines Would twise haue wonne me the Philosophers worke ? Put thee in words , and fashion ? made thee fit For more then ordinary fellowships ? Giu'n thee thy othes , thy quarrelling dimensions ? Thy rules , to cheate at horse-race , cock-pit , cardes , Dice , or what euer gallant tincture , else ? Made thee a Second , in mine owne great Art ? And haue I this for thanke ? Doe'you rebell ? Doe you flye out , i' the proiection ? Would you be gone now ? DOL. Gentlemen , what meane you ? Will you marre all ? SVB. Slaue , thou hadst had no Name , DOL. Will you vndoe your selues , with ciuill warre ? SVB. Neuer beene knowne , past Equi Clibanum , The heate of horse-dung , vnder ground , in cellars , Or an Ale-house , darker then deafe Iohn's : bene lost To all mankinde , but Laundresses , and Tapsters , Had not I beene . DOL. Do' you know who heares you , Soueraigne ? FAC. Srah — DOL. Nay Generall , I thought you were ciuill . FAC. I shall turne desperate , if you grow thus loud . SVB. And hang thy selfe , I care not . FAC. Hang thee , Colliar , And all thy pots , and pans , in picture I will , Since thou hast mou'd me . DOL. ô , this'll ore-throw all . FAC. Write thee vp Baud , in Paules ; haue all thy trickes Of cosning with a hollow cole , dust , scrapings , Searching for things lost , with a siue , and sheeres , Erecting figures , in your rowes of Houses , And taking in of shadowes , with a glasse , Told in red letters : And a face , cut for thee , Worse then Gamaliel Ratsey's , DOL. Are you sound ? Ha'you your senses , Masters ? FAC. I will haue A Booke , but barely reckoning thy Impostures , Shall prou● a true Phil●phers stone , to Printers . SVB. Away you Trencher-Raskall . FAC. Out you Dog-leach , The vomit of all prisons — DOL. Will you be Your owne destructions , Gentlemen ? FAC. Still spew'd out For lying too heauy o' the basket . SVB. Cheater . FAC. Bawd. SVB. Cowherd . FAC. Coniurer . SVB. Cutpurse . FAC. Witch . DOL. O me . We are ruin'd lost . Ha'you no more regard To your reputations ? Where 's your iudgement ? Slight , Haue yet , some care of me , o' your Republique . FAC. Away this Brach. I 'll bring thee , Rogue , within The Statute of Sorcerie , tricesimo tertio Of Harry the eight : I and ( perhaps ) thy neck Within a noose , for laundring gold , and barbing . DOL. You 'll bring your head within a cocks-combe , will you ? And you Sr , with your Menstrue , gather it vp . S'death you abhominable payre of Stinkards Leaue off your barking , and grow one againe , Or , by the light that shines , I 'll cut your throates . I 'll not be made a prey vnto the Marshall , For nere a snarling Dog-bolt o' you both . Ha'you together cossen'd all this while , And all the world , and shall it now be said Yo'haue made most courteous shift , to cossen your selues ? You will accuse him ? You will bring him in Within the Statute ? Who shall take your word , A whoresonne , vpstart , Apocryphall Captayne , Whom not a Puritane , in Black-Friers , will trust So much , as for a fether ? And you , too , Will giue the cause , forsooth ? You will insult , And clayme a primacie , in the diuisions ? You must be chiefe ? as if you , onely , had The poulder to proiect with ? and the worke Were not begunne out of aequalitie ? The venter tripartite ? All things in common ? Without prioritie ? S'death , you perpetuall Curres , Fall to your couples , againe , and cossen kindly , And heartily , and louingly , as you should , And loose not the beginning of a Terme , Or , by this hand , I shall grow factious too And , take my part , and quit you . FAC. T is his fault , He euer murmures , and obiects his paines , And sayes , the weight of all lies vpon him . SVB. Why so it do's . DAL . How does it ? Doe not we Sustaine our parts ? SVB. Yes , but they are not aequall . DOL. Why , if your part exceede to day , I hope Ours may , to morrow , match it . SVB. I , they may . DOL. May , murmuring Mastiffe , I , and do . Gods will ! Helpe me to thrattell him . SVB. Dorothee , Mistresse Dorothee , O'ds precious , I 'll doe any thing . What doe you meane ? DOL. Because o' your Fermentation , and Cibation ? SVB. Not I , by heauen . DOL. Your Sol & Luna : help me . SVB. Would I were hang'd then . I 'll conforme my selfe . DOL. VVill you Sr. doe so then , and quickly . Sweare . SVB. What should I sweare ? DOL. To leaue your faction Sr. And labour , kindly , in the commune worke . SVB. Let me not breath , if I meant ought , beside . I onely vs'd those speeches , as a spurre To him . DOL. I hope we need ●o spurres Sr. Doewe ? FAC. Slid , proue to day , who shall sharke best . SVB. Agreed . DOL. Yes , and worke close , and friendly SVB. Slight the knot Shall grow the stronger , for this breach , with me . DOL. Why so , my good Babounes ! Shall we goe make A sort of sober , sc●ruy , praecise Neighbours , ( That scarse haue smil'd twise , sin'the King came in ) A feast of laughter , at our follies ? Raskalls , Would runne themselues from breath , to see me ride , Or you t' haue but a Hole , to thrust your heads in , For which you should pay Eare-rent : No , Agree . And may Don Prouost ride a feasting , long , In his old veluet ierken , and staynd scarfes , ( My noble Soueraigne , and worthy Generall ) Ere we contribute a new cruell garter To his most worsted worship . SVB. Royall Dol ! Spoken like Claridiana , and thy selfe . FAC. For which at supper , thou shalt sit in triumph , And not be stil'd ` Do● common , but Do● proper , Dol singular : the longest cut , at night . Shall draw thee for his Dol particular . SVB. Who 's that ? one rings . To the windo ' Dol. Pray heau'n , The Master doe not troublevs , this quarter . FAC. O , feare not him . While there dies one , a weeke , O' the plague , hee 's safe , from thinking , toward London . Beside , hee 's busie at his hop-yardes , now , I had a letter from him . If he doe , Hee 'll send such word , for ayring o' the house As you shall haue sufficient time , to quit it . Though we breake vp a fortnight , 't is no matter . SVB. Who is it , Dol ? DOL. A fine yong Quodling . FAC. O My Lawyers Clearke , I lighted on , last night , In Hol'bourne , at the Dagger . He would haue ( I told you of him ) a Familiar , To rifle with● at horses , and winne cuppes . DOL. O , let him in . SVB. Stay. Who shall doo 't ? FAC. Get you Your robes on . I will meete him , as going out . DOL. And what shall I do ? FAC. Not be seene , away . Seeme you very reseru'd . SVB. Inough . FAC. God be w'you , Sr. I pray you , let him know that I was here . His name is Dapper . I would gladly haue stayd , But — ACT. 1. SCENE . 2. DAPPER . FACE . SV●TLE . CAptaine , I am here FAC. Who 's that ? Hee 's come , I think , Doctor . Good faith , Sr , I was going away . DAP. In truth , I am very sory , Captayne . FAC. But I thought Sure , I should meet you . DAP. I am very glad . I 'had a sciruy 〈◊〉 , or two , to make , And I had lent my watch last night , to one That dines● to day , at the Shrieffs : and so was robd Of my passe-time Is this the Cunning-man ? FAC. This is his worship . DAP. Is he a Doctor ? FAC. Yes . DAP. And ha'you broke with him , Captaine ? FAC. I. DAP. And how FAC. Faith , he doe's make the matter , Sr. so dainty , I know not what to say . DAP. Not so , good Captaine . FAC. Would I were fayrely rid on 't , beleeue me . DAP. Nay , now you grieue me Sr. Why should you wish so ? I dare assure you , I 'll not be vngratefull . FAC. I cannot thinke you will , Sr. But the Lawe Is such a thing — And then he sayes , Reade's matter Falling so lately . DAP. Reade ? He was an Ass● , And dealt Sr with a Foole. FAC. It was a Clearke , Sr. DAP. A Clearke ? FAC. Nay , heare me , Sr. you know the Law Better , I thinke DAP. I should Sr. and the danger . You know I shew'd the Statu●e to you ? FAC. You did so . DAP. And will I tell , then ? By this 〈◊〉 of flesh , Would it might neuer wright good 〈◊〉 hand , more , If I discouer . What doe you thinke of me , That I am a Chiau●e ? FAC. What 's that ? DAP. The Turke was , here . As one would say , Doe you thinke I am a Turke ? FAC. I 'll tell the Doctor so . DAP. Doe , good sweet Captaine . FAC. Come , noble Doctor , ' pray thee , let 's preuaile , This is the Gentleman , and he is no Chiause . SVB. Captaine , I haue return'd you all my answere . I would doe much Sr. for your loue — But this I neither may , nor can . FAC. Tut , doe not say so . You deale , now , with a noble fellow , Doctor , One that will thanke you , richly , and h 'is no Chiause : Let that Sr. moue you . SVB. Pray you , forbeare . FAC. He has Foure Angels , here . SVB. You doe me wrong good Sr. FAC. Doctor , wherein ? To tempt you with these spirits ? SVB. To tempt my art , and loue , Sir , to my perill . Fore heau'n , I scarse can thinke you are my friend , That so would draw me to apparant danger . FAC. I draw you ? A horse draw you , and a halter , You , and your Flies together . DAP. Nay , good Captaine . FAC. That know no difference of men . SVB. Good words Sr. FAC. Good deeds , Sr. Doctor Dogges-mouth . Slight I bring you No cheating Clim-o'the-Cloughs , or Claribels . That looke as bigge as fine , and fifty , and flush , And spit out secrets , like hot Custard DAP. Captayne . FAC. Nor any melancholike vnder-Scribe , Shall tell the Vicar : but , a speciall Gentle , That is the Heire to forty markes , a yeare , Consorts with the small Poets of the time , Is the sole hope of his old Grand-Mother , That knowes the Law , and writes you sixe fayre Hands , Is a fine Clearke , and has his Ciphring perfect , Will take his oth , o' the Greeke Testament , If need be , in his pocket : and can court His Mistresse , out of Ouid. DAP. Nay , deare Captayne . FAC. Did you not tell me , so ? DAP. Yes , but I 'ld ha'you Vse Mr. Doctor , with some more respect . FAC. Hang him proud Stagg , with his broad veluet head . But , for your sake , I 'ld choake ere I would change An article of breath , with such a Puck-fist . Come let 's be gone . SVB. Pray you , le'me speake with you . DAP. His worship calls you , Captayne . FAC. I am sorry , I e're imbarqu'd my selfe , in such a busines . DAP. Nay good Sr. He did call you . FAC. Will he take , then ? SVB. First , heare me — FAC. Not a syllable , ' lesse you take . SVB. Pray ye ' Sr. FAC. Vpon no termes , but an Assumpsit . SVB. Your Humor must be law . FAC. Why now Sr. talke . Now , I dare heare you with mine honour . Speake . So may this Gentleman too SVB. Why Sr. FAC. No whispring , SVB. 'Fore Heau'n , you doe not apprehend the losse You doe your selfe , in this . FAC. Wherein ? For what ? SVB. Mary , to be so'importunate for one , That , when he has it , will vndoe you all : He 'll winne vp all the money i' the Towne . FAC. How ! SVB. Yes . And blow vp Gamster , after Gamster , As they doe crackers , in a Puppit-play . If I doe giue him a Familiar , Giue you him all you play for ; neuer set him : For he will haue it . FAC. Y' are mistaken , Doctor . Why , he do's aske one but for Cuppes , and Horses , A rifling Fly : none o' your great Familiars . DAP. Yes , Captayne , I would haue it , for all games . SVB. I told you so . FAC. 'Slight , that 's a new businesse ! I vnderstood you , a tame Bird , to flye Twise in a Terme , or so ; on Friday nights , When you had left the Office : for a Nagg , Of forty , or fifty shillings . DAP. I 't is true , Sir , But I doe thinke , now , I shall leaue the Lawe , And therefore . FAC. Why this changes quite the case ! Do' you thinke , that I dare moue him ? DAP. If you please , Sir , All 's one to him , I see . FAC. What ? for that money ? I cannot with my Conscience . Nor should you Make the request , me thinkes . DAP. No , Sir , I meane To adde consideration . FAC. VVhy , then , Sir , I 'll try . Say , that it were for all games , Doctor ? SVB. I say , then , not a mouth shall eate for him At any Ordinary , but o' the Score , That is a gaming mouth , conceiue me . FAC. Indeed ! SVB. He 'll draw you all the treasure of the realme , If it be set him . FAC. Speake you this from art ? SVB. I , Sir , and reason too ; the ground of art . H 'is o' the onely best complexion The Queene of Fairie loues . FAC. VVhat ! is he SVB. Peace . He 'll ouer-heare you . Sir , should she but see him — FAC. VVhat ? SVB. Do not you tell him . FAC. VVill he win at cardes too ? SVB. The Spirits of dead Holland , liuing Isaac , You 'ld sweare , were in him : such a vigorous luck As cannot be resisted . Slight he 'll put Sixe o' your Gallants , to a cloake , indeed . FAC. A strange successe , that some man shall be borne too ! SVB. Hee heares you , man. DAP. Sir , I le not be ingratefull . FAC. Faith , I haue a confidence in his good nature : You heare , he sayes , he will not be ingratefull . SVB. VVhy , as you please , my venture followes yours . FAC. Troth , doe it Doctor . Thinke him trusty , and make him . Hee may make vs both happy in an hower : Winne some fiue thousand pound , and send vs two on 't . DAP. Beleeue it , and I will , Sir. FAC. And you shall , Sir. You haue heard all ? DAP. No , what was 't ? Nothing , I Sir. FAC. Nothing ? DAP. A little , Sir. FAC. Well , a rare Starre Raign'd , at your birth . DAP. At mine Sir ? No. FAC. The Doctor Sweares that you are — SVB. Nay Captayn , Yo 'll tell all , now . FAC. Allied to the Queene of Faerie . DAP. Who ? that I am ? Beleeue it , no such matter . FAC. Yes , and that Yo'were borne with a Caule o' your head . DAP. Who sayes so ? FAC. Come . You know it well inough , though you dissemble it . DAP. I fac , I doe not . You are mistaken . FAC. How ! Sweare by your fac ? and in a thing , so knowne Vnto the Doctor ? How shall we , Sir , trust you I' the other matter ? Can we euer thinke , When you haue wonne fiue , or sixe thousand pound , Yo 'll send vs shares in 't , by this rate ? DAP. By Gad , Sir , I 'll winne ten thousand pound , and send you halfe . I fac is no othe . SVB. No , no , he did but iest . FAC. Goe too . Goe , thanke the Doctor . He is your friend . To take it so . DAP. I thanke his VVorship . FAC. So ? Another Angell . DAP. Must I ? FAC. Must you ? Slight , VVhat else is Thankes ? Will you be triuiall ? Doctor . VVhen must he come , for his Familiar ? DAP. Shall I not ha' it with me ? SVB. O , good Sir , There must a world of ceremonies passe , You must be bath'd , and fumigated , first ; Besides , the Queene of Faerie do's not rise , Till it be noone . FAC. Not , if she daunc'd , to night . SVB. And she must blesse it . FAC. Did you neuer see Her royall Grace , yet ? DAP. Whom ? FAC. Your Aunt of Faerie ? SVB. Not , since she kist him , in the cradle , Captayne , I can resolue you that . FAC. VVell , see her Grace , What ere it cost you , for a thing that I know . It will be somewhat hard to compasse : But , How euer , see her . You are made , beleeue it , If you can see her . Her Grace is a lone woman , And very rich , and if she take a phant'sye , She will doe strange things . See her , at any hand . 'Slid , she may hap to leaue you all she has : It is the Doctors feare . DAP. How will 't be done , then ? FAC. Let me alone take you no thought . Doe you But say to me . Captayne , I 'll see her Grace . DAP. Captain , I 'll see her Grace . FAC. Inough . SVB. Who 's there ? Anone . ( Conduct him forth , by the back way ) Sir , against one a Clock , prepare your selfe . Till when you must be fasting ; onely , take Three drops of vinegar , in , at your nose ; Two at your mouth ; and one , at eyther eare ; Then , bath your fingers endes ; and , wash your eyes ; To sharpen your fiue Senses ; and , cry Hum , Thrise ; and then Buz , as often ; and then , Come . FAC. Can you remember this ? DAP. I warrant you . FAC. Well , then , away . 'T is , but your bestowing Some twenty nobles , 'mong her Graces Seruants ; And , put on a cleane shirt : You doe not know What grace her Grace may doe you in cleane linnen . ACT. 1. SCENE . 3. SVBTLE . DRVGGER . FACE . COme in . Good wiues , I pray you forbeare me , now . Troth I can doe you no good , till afternoone . What is your name , say you , Abel Drugger ? DRV. Yes , Sir. SVB. A seller of Tobacco ? DRV. Yes , Sir. SVB. ' Vmh. Free of the Grocers ? DRV. I , and 't please you . SVB. Well . Your busines , Abel ? DRV. This , and 't please your worship , I 'am a yong beginner , and am building Of a new shop , and 't like your worship ; iust , At corner of a street : ( Here 's the plot on 't . ) And I would know , by art , Sir , of your Worship , Which way I should make my dore , by Necromantie . And , where my Shelues . And , which should be for Boxes , And , which for Potts , I would be glad to thriue , Sir. And , I was wish'd to your Worship , by a Gentleman , One Captaine Face , that say's you know mens Planets , And their good Angels , and their bad . SVB. I doe If I doe see'hem . FAC. VVhat ! my honest Abel ? Thou art well met , here . DRV. Troth , Sir , I was speaking , Iust , as your VVorship came here , of your VVorship . I pray you , speake for me to Mr. Doctor . FAC. He shall doe any thing . Doctor , doe you heare ? This is my friend , Abel , an honest fellow , He lets me haue good Tobacco , and he do's not Sophisticate it , with Sack-lees , or Oyle , Nor washes it in Muscadell , and Graines , Nor buries it , in grauell , vnder ground , Wrap'd vp in greasie leather , or piss'd cloutes : But keepes it in fine Lilly-pots , that open'd , Smell like conserue of Roses , or French Beanes . He has his Maple block , his siluer tongs , Winchester pipes , and fire of Iuniper . A neate , spruce-honest-fellow , and no Goldmith . SVB. H 'is a fortunate fellow , that I am sure on . FAC. Already , Sir , ha'you found it ? Lo'thee Abel ! SVB. And , in right way to'ward riches . FAC. Sir. SVB. This Summer . He will be of the Clothing of his company . And , next spring , call'd to the Scarlet . Spend what he can . FAC. What , and so little beard ? SVB. Sir , you must thinke , He may haue a receipt , to make hayre come . But he 'll be wise , preserue his youth , and fine for 't : His fortune lookes for him , another way . FAC. 'Slid , Doctor , how canst thou know this so soone ? I 'am amus'd , at that ! SVB. By a rule , Captayne , In Metaposcopie , which I doe worke by , A certaine Starre i' the forehead , which you see not . Your Chest-nut , or your Oliue-colourd face Do's neuer fayle : and your long Eare doth promise . I knew 't , by certaine spotts too , in his teeth , And on the nayle of his Mercurial finger . FAC. Which finger's that ? SVB. His little finger , Looke . Yo'were borne vpon a Wensday . DRV. Yes , indeed , Sir. SVB. The Thumbe , in Chiromantie , we giue Venus ; The Fore-finger to Ioue ; the Midst , to Saturne ; The Ring to Sol , the Least , to Mercurie : Who was the Lord , Sir , of his Horoscope , His House of life being Libra . Which foreshew'd , He should be a Marchant , and should trade with Ballance . FAC. VVhy , this is strange ! Is 't not , honest Nab ? SVB. There is a Ship now , comming from Ormu's , That shall yeeld him , such a Commoditie Of Drugs . This is the West , and this the South ? DRV. Yes , Sir. SVB. And those are your two sides ? DRV. I , Sir. SVB. Make me your Dore , then , South ; your broad side , West : And , on the East-side of your shop , aloft , Write Mathlaj , Tarmiel , and Baraborat ; Vpon the North-part , Rael , Velel , Thiel , They are the names of those Mercurian spirits , That doe fright flyes from boxes . DRV. Yes , Sir , SVB. And Beneath your threshold , bury me a Loade-stone To draw in Gallants , that weare spurres : The rest , They 'll seeme to follow . FAC. That 's a secret , Nab. SVB. And , on your stall , a Puppet , with a vice , And a Court-fucus , to call Citie-Dames . You shall deale much , with Mineralls . DRV. Sir , I haue , At home , already — SVB. I , I know , you'haue Arsnike , Vitriol , Sal Tartre , Argaile , Alkaly , Cinoper . I know all . This fellow , Captayne , Will come , in time , to be a great Distiller , And giue a say ( I will not say directly , But very fayre ) at the Philosophers stone . FAC. Why , how now Abel ! Is this true ? DRV. Good Captayne , What must I giue ? FAC. Nay , I le not counsell thee . Thou hearst , what wealth , he sayes , spend what thou canst , Th' art like to come too . DRV. I would gi 'him a Crowne . FAC. A Crowne ? And toward such a fortune ? Hart , Thou shalt rather gi 'him thy shop . No Gold about thee ? DRV. Yes , I haue a Portague , I ha'kept this halfe yeare . FAC. Out on thee , Nab , 'Slight , there was such an offer , ' Shalt keepe't no longer , I 'll gi' it him for thee ? Doctor , Nab prayes your Worship , to drinke this , and sweares He will appeare more gratefull , as your skill Do's raise him in the world . DRV. I would intreat Another fauor of his Worship . FAC. What is 't , Nab ? DRV. But , to looke ouer , Sir , my Almanack , And crosse out my Ill-dayes , that I may neither Bargaine , nor trust vpon them . FAC. That he shall , Nab. Leaue it , it shall be done , 'gainst afternoone . SVB. And a direction for his shelues . FAC. Now , Nab ? Art thou well pleas'd , Nab ? DRV. Thank , Sir , both your Worships . FAC. Away . Why , now , you smoaky persecuter of Nature , Now , doe you see , that something 's to be done , Beside your Beech-coale , and your Cor'siue waters , Your Crosse-lets , Crucibles , and Cucurbites ? You must haue stuffe , brought home to you , to worke on ? And , yet , you thinke , I am at no expense . In searching out these vaines , then following 'hem , Then trying'hem out . 'Fore God , my intelligence Costs me more money , then my share oft comes too , In these rare workes . SVB. You' are pleasant , Sir. How now ? ACT. 1. SCENE . 4. FACE . DOL. SVBTLE . VVHat say's , my dainty Dolkin ? DOL. Yonder Fish-wife Will not away . And there 's your Giantesse , The Baud of Lambeth . SVB. Hart , I cannot speake with'hem . DOL. Not , afore night , I haue told'hem , in a voice , Thorough the Trunke , like one of your Familiars . But I haue spied Sir Epicure Mammon . SVB. Where ? DOL. Comming along , at far end of the lane , Slow of his feete , but earnest of his tongue , To one , that 's with him . SVB. Face , Goe you , and shift , Dol , you must presently make ready , too . DOL. Why , what 's the matter ? SVB. O , I did looke for him With the sunnes rising . ' Meruaile , he could sleepe . This is the day , I am to perfect for him The Magisterium , our great worke , the Stone ; And yeeld it , made , into his hands : Of which , He has , this month , talk'd , as he were possess'd on 't , And , now , hee 's dealing peeces on 't , away . Me thinkes , I see him , entring Ordinaries , Dispensing for the poxe ; and Plaguy-houses , Reaching his dose ; Walking More-fields for Lepers ; And offring Citizens Wiues Pomander Bracelets , As his preseruatiue , made of the Elixir ; Searching the Spittle , to make old Baudes yong ; And the High waies , for Beggars , to make rich . I see no end of his labours . He will make Nature asham'd , of her long sleepe , when Art , Who 's but a Step-dame , shall doe more , then shee , In her best loue to Man-kinde , euer could . If his Dreame last , Hee 'l turne the Age , to Gold. ACT. 2. SCENE . 1. MAMON . SVRLY . COme on , Sir. Now , you set your foote , on Shore In Nouo Orbe ; Here 's the rich Pern : And there within , Sir , are the golden Mines Great Salomon's Op● . He was sayling to 't Three yeares , but we haue reach'd it in ten Months . This is the day , wherein , to all my friends , I will pronounce the happy word , Be rich . This day , you shall be Specta●ssimi . You shall no more deale with the hollow Die , Or the fraile Card. No more be at charge of keeping The Liuery-punke , for my yong Heyre , that must Seale , at all howers , in his shirt . No more If he deny , ha 'him beaten to 't , as he is That brings him the commoditie . No more Shall thirst of satten , or the couetous hunger Of veluet entrayles , for a rude spun cloake , To be displayd at Madam Augusta's , make The sonnes of Sword , and Hazard fall before The golden Calfe , and on their knees , whole nights , Commit I dolatry with Wine , and Trumpets Or goe a feasting , after Drum and Ensigne . No more of this . You shall start vp yong Vice-roies , And haue your Punques , and Punquettees , my Surly . And vnto thee , I speake it first , Berich . Where is my Subtle , there ? Within Hough ? Sir. WITHIN Hee 'll come to you , by and by . MAM. That 's his Fire-drake , His Lungs , his Zephyrus , he that puffes his coales , Till he firke Nature , vp , in her owne center . You are not faithfull , Sir. This night , I 'll change All , that is mettall , in my house , to gold . And , early in the morning , will I send To all the Plumbers , and the Peuterers , And buy their Tinne , and Lead vp : and to Lothbury . For all the copper . SVR. What , and turne that too ? MAM. Yes , and I 'll purchase Deuonshire , and Cornwaile , And make them perfect Indies . You admire now ? SVR. No faith . MAM. But when you see th' effects of the great medicine ! Of which one part proiected on a hundred Of Mercurie , or Venus , or the Moone , Shall turne it , to as many of the Sunne ; Nay , to a thousand , so ad infinitum : You will beleeue me . SVR. Yes , when I see 't , I will. But , if my eyes doe cossen me so ( and I Giuing'hem no occasion ) sure , I 'll haue A Whore , shall pisse'hem out next day . MAM. Ha! Why ? Doe you thinke , I fable with you ? I assure you , He that has once the Flower of the Sunne , The perfect Ruby , which we call Elixir , Not onely can doe that , but by it's vertue , Can confer honour , loue , respect , long life , Giue safty , valure : yea , and victory , To whom he will. In eight , and twenty dayes , I 'll make an Old man , of fourescore , a Childe . SVR. No doubt hee'is that already . MAM. Nay , I meane , Restore his yeares , renew him , like an Eagle , To the fifth age ; make him get Sonnes , and Daughters , Yong Giants ; as our Philosophers haue done ( The antient Patriarkes afore the flood ) But taking , once a weeke , on a kniues point , The quantitie of a grayne of Mustard , of it : Become stout Marsses , and beget yong Cupids . SVR. The decay'd Vestall's of Pickt-hatch would thanke you , That keepe the fire a-liue , there . MAM. 'T is the secret Of Nature , naturiz'd 'gainst all infections , Cures all diseases , comming of all causes , A month's griefe , in a day ; a yeares , in twelue : And , of what age so euer , in a month . Past all the doses , of your drugging Doctors . I 'll vndertake , withall , to fright the Plague Out o' the kingdome , in three months . SVR. And I 'll Be bound , the Players shall sing your pra●ses , then , Without their Poets . MAM. Sir , I 'll doo 't . Meane time , I 'll giue away so much , vnto my man , Shall serue th' whole Citie , with preseruatiue , Weekely , each house his dose , and at the rate — SVR. As he that built the Water-worke , dos with water , MAM. You are incredulous . SVR. Faith , I haue a humor , I would not willingly be gull'd . Your Stone Cannot transmute me MAM. Pertinax , Surly , Will you beleeue Antiquitie ? Recordes ? I 'll shew you a Booke , where Moses , and his Sister , And Salomon haue written , of the Art ; I , and a Treatise penn'd by Adam . SVR. How ! MAM. O' the Philosophers stone , and in high Dutch. SVR. Did Adam write , Sir , in high Dutch ? MAM. He did : Which proues it was the Primitiue tongue . SVR. What Paper ? MAM. On Cedar board . SVR. O that , indeed ( they say ) Will last 'gainst wormes . MAM. 'T is like your Irish wood 'Gainst Cobwebs . I haue a peece of Iasons fleece , too , Which was no other , then a Booke of Alchemie , Writ in large sheepe-skin , a good fat Ram-Vellam . Such was Pythagora's thigh , Pandora's tub ; And , all that fable of Medeas charmes , The manner of our worke : The Bulls , our Fornace , Still breathing fire ; our Argent-viue , the Dragon : The Dragons teeth , Mercurie sublimate , That keepes the whitenesse , hardnesse and the biting ; And they are gather'd , into Iason's helme , ( Th' Alembeke ) and then sow'd in Mars his field , And , thence , sublim'd so often , till they are fix'd . Both this , th' Hesperian Garden , Cadmus story , Ioue's shower , the boone of Midas , Argus eyes , Boccace his Demogorgon , thousands more , All abstract Riddles of our Stone . How now ? ACT. 2. SCENE . 2. MAMMON . FACE . SVRLY . DOe we succeed ? Is our day come ? and hold's it ? FAC. The euening will set red vpon you , Sir , You haue colour for it , crimson , the red Ferment Has done his office . Three howers hence , prepare you To see proiection . MAM. Pertinax , my Surly , Againe , I say to thee , aloud : Be rich . This day , thou shalt haue Ingots : and , tomorrow , Giue Lords th' affront . Is it , my Zephyrus , right ? Blushes the Bolts-head ? FAC Like a Wench with Child , Sir , That were , but now , discouer'd to her Master . MAM. Excellent witty Lungs . My onely care is , Where to get stuffe , inough now , to proiect on This towne will not halfe serue me . FAC. No Sir ? Take The couering of o'Churches . MAM. That 's true FAC. Yes . Let 'hem stand bare , as doe their Auditorie , Or cap 'hem , new , with Shingles . MAM. No , good Thatch . Thatch will lie light , vpo'the rafters Lungs . Lungs , I will manumit thee , from the Fornace ; I will restore thee thy complexion , Puffe , Lost in the embers ; and repayre this brayne , Hurt with the fume o' the Mettalls . FAC. I haue blowne , Sir , Hard for your Worship ; throwne by many a Coale , When t' was not Beech ; weigh'd those I put in , iust , To keepe your heate , still euen ; These bleard eyes Haue wak'd , to reade your seuerall colours , Sir , Of the pale C●ron , the greene Lion , the Crow , The Peacocks tayle , the plumed Swan . MAM. And , lastly , Thou hast descried the Flower , the Sanguis Agni ? FAC. Yes Sir MAM. Where 's Master ? FAC. At 's prayers , Sir , hee , Good man , he 's doing his deuotions , For the successe . MAM. Lungs , I will set a period , To all thy labours : Thou shalt be , the Master Of my Seraglia . FAC. Good , Sir. MAM. But doe you heare ? I 'll geld you ' Lungs . FAC. Yes , Sir. MAM. For I doe meane To haue a list of Wiues , and Concubines , Aequall with Salomon ; who had the Stone Alike , with me : and I will make me , a back With the Elixir , that shall be as tough As Hercules , to encounter fifty a night . Th' art sure , thou sawst it blood ? FAC. Both bloud , & spirit , Sir. MAM. I will haue all my beds , blowne vp ; not stuft : Downe is too hard . And then , mine Oual Roome , Fill'd with such pictures , as Tiberius tooke From Elephantis : and dull Aretine But coldly imitated . Then , my Glasses , Cut in more subtill angles , to disperse , And multiply the figures , as I walke Naked betweene my Succubae . My mistes I 'le haue of perfume , vapor'd'bout the roome , To loose our selues in ; and my bathes , like pittes To fall into : from whence , we will come forth , And roule vs dry in Gossamour , and Roses . Is it ariu'd at Ruby ? Where I spie A wealthy Cittizen , or rich Lawyer , Haue a sublim'd pure Wife , vnto that fellow I 'll send a thousand pound , to be my Cuckold . FAC. And I shall carry it . MAM. No , I 'll ha' no baudes , But Fathers , and Mothers . And my flatterers , Shall be the best , and grauest of Diuines , That I can get for money . My mere fooles , Eloquent Burgesses , and then my Poets The same that writ so subtly of the Fart , Whom I will entertaine , still , for that Subiect . The few , that would giue out themselues , to be Court , and Towne-Stallions , and , each where , belye Ladies , who'are knowne most innocent , for them ; Those will I begge , to ma●e me Eunuchs of● And they shall fanne me , with ten Estrich Tayles A piece , made in a plume , to gather winde . We will be braue , Puffe , now we ha' the Med'cine . My Meate , shall all come in , in Indian shells , Dishes of Agat , set in Gold , and studded With Emeralds , Saphires , Hjacinths , and Rubies . The tongues of Carpes , Dormise , and Camels heeles , Boyl'd i' the spirit of Sol , and dissolu'd Pearle , ( Apicius diet , 'gainst the Epilepsie ) And I will eate these broaths , with spoones of Amber , Headed with Diamant , and Carbuncle . My foote-Boy shall eate Phesants , caluerd Salmons , Knots , Godwits , Lamprey's : I my selfe will haue The beards of Barbels , seru'd , in stead of sallades ; Oyld Mushromes ; and the swelling vnctuous papps Of a fat pregnant Sow , newly cut off , Drest with an exquisite , and poynant sauce ; For which , I le say vnto my Cooke , There 's gold , Goe forth , and be a Knight . FAC. Sir , I 'll goe looke A little , how it heightens . MAM. Doe . My Shirts I 'll haue of Taffata-sarsnet , soft , and light As Cobwebs ; and for all my other rayment It shall be such , as might prouoke the Persian : Were he to teach the world riot , a new . My Gloues of Fishes , and Birds-skinnes , perfum'd With Gummes of Paradise , and Easterne ayre — SVR. And do' you thinke to haue the Stone , with this ? MAM. No , I doe thinke , t' haue all this , with the Stone . SVR. Why , I haue heard , he must be Homo frugi , A pious , holy , and religious man , One free from mortall sinne , a very Virgin. MAM. That makes it , Sir , he is so . But I buy it . My venter brings it me . He , honest wretch , A notable , superstitious , good soule , Has worne his knees bare , and his slippers bald , With prayer , and fasting for it : And Sir , let him Do' it alone , for me , still . Here he comes , Not a prophane word , afore him : 'T is poyson . ACT. 2. SCENE . 3. MAMMON . SVBTLE . SVRLY . FACE . GGod marrow , Father . SVB. Gentle Sonne , good morrow , And , to your friend , there . What is he , is with you ? MAM. An Heretique , that I did bring along , In hope , Sir , to conuert him . SVB. Sonne , I doubt Yo' are couetous , that thus you meete your time I' the iust point : preuent your day , at morning . This argues something , worthy of a feare Of importune , and arnall appetite . Take heed , you doe not cause the blessing leaue you , With your vngouern'd hast . I should be sorry , To see my labours , now , eene ●t perfection , Got by long watching , and large patience , Not prosper , where my Loue , and Zeale hath plac'd'hem . Which ( heauen I call to witnesse , with your selfe , To whom , I haue pour'd my thoughts ) in all my endes , Haue look'd no way , but vnto publique good , To pious vses , and deare Charitie No growne a prodigie with men . Wherein If you , my Sonne , should , now , praeuaricate , And , to your owne particular lusts , employ So great , and catholique a blisse ; Be sure , A curse will follow , yea , and ouertake Your subtle , and most secret wayes . MAM. I know , Sir , You shall not need to feare me . I but come , To ha'you confute this Gentleman . SVB. Who is , Indeed , Sir , somewhat caustiue of beleefe Toward your Stone . Would not be gull'd . SVB. Well , Sonne , All that I can conuince him in , is this , The Worke is done : Bright Sol is in his robe . We haue a med'cine of the triple Soule , The glorified spirit . Thankes be to heauen , And make vs worthy of it . Vlen spiegle . FAC. Anone Sir. SVB. Looke well to the Register , And let your heate , still , lessen by degrees To the Aludels . FAC. Yes Sir. SVB. Did you looke O' the Bolts-head yet ? FAC. Which on D. Sir ? SVB. I. What 's the complexion ? FAC. Whitish . SVB. Infuse vinegar , To draw his vola●le substance , and his tincture : And let the water in Glasse E. be feltred , And put into the Gripes egge . Lute him , well ; And leaue him clos'd in Balneo . FAC. I will , Sir. SVR. What a braue language here is ? next to Canting ? SVB. I'haue another worke ; you neuer saw , Sonne , That , three dayes since , past the Philoso●hers wheele , In the lent heate of Athanor ; and 's become Sulphur o'nature . MAM. But 't is for mee ? SVB. What need you ? You haue inough , in that is , perfect . MAM. O , but — SVB. Why this is Couetise ! MAM. No , I assure you , I shall employ it all , in pious vses , Founding of Colleges , and Grammar Schooles , Marrying yong Virgins , building Hospitals , And now , and then a Church . SVB. How now . FAC. Sir please you Shall I not change the feltre ? SVB. Mary , yes . And bring me the complexion of Glasse B. MAM. Ha'you another ? SVB. Yes Sonne , were I assur'd Your piety were firme , we would not want The meanes to glorifie it . But I hope the best : I meane to tinct C. in sand-heate , tomorrow , And giue him imbibition . MAM. Of white oyle ? SVB. No Sir ofred . F. is come ouer the helme too , I thanke my Maker , in S. Maries bath , And shewes Lac Virginis . Blessed be heauen . I sent you of his faeces there , calc●'d . Out of that calx , I'ha'wonne the salt of Mercurie . MAM. By pouring on your rectefied water ? SVB. Yes , and reuerberating in Athanor . How now ? What colour sayes it ? FAC. The Ground black , Sir. MAM. That 's your Crowes head . SVR. Your Cockscomb's , is●t not ? SVB. No , 'T is not perfect , would it were the Crow . That worke wants something . SVR. O , I look'd for this . The hay is a pitching . SVB. Are you sure , you loos'd'hem I' their owne menstrue ? FAC. Yes , Sir , and then married'hem , And put 'hem in a Bolts-head , nipp'd to digestion , According as you bad me ; when I set The liquor of Mars to circulation , In the same heate . SVB. The processe , then , was right . FAC. Yes , by the token , Sir , the Retort brake , And what was sau'd , was put into the Pellicane , And sign'd with Hermes seale . SVB. I thinke'twas so . We should haue a new Amalgama . SVR. O , this Ferret Is ranke as any Pole-cat . SVB. But I care not . Let him e'ene dy ; wee haue enough , beside , In Embrion . H. ha's his white shirt on ? FAC. Yes , Sir , Hee 's ripe for inceration ; He stands warme , In his ash-fire . I would not , you should let Any dye now , if I might councell Sir , For lucks-sake to the rest . It is not good . MAM. He sayes right . SVR. I , are you bolted ? FAC. Nay , I know 't Sir , I'haue seene th' ill fortune . What is some three Ounces Of fresh materials ? MAM. Is 't no more ? FAC. No more , Sir , Of Gold , t' amalgame , with some sixe of Mercuri● MAM. Away , here 's Money . What will serue . FAC. Aske him , Sir. MAM. How much ? SVB. Giue him nine pound , you may gi 'him ten . SVR. Yes twenty , and be cossend , Doe . MAM. There ' t is . SVB. This needs not . But that you will haue it , so , To see conclusions of all . For two Of our inferiour workes , are at fixation . A third is in Ascension . Goe your wayes , Ha'you set the Oyle of Luna in Kemia ? FAC. Yes , Sir. SVB. And the Philosophers vinegar ? FAC. I. SVR. We shal haue a sallad . MAM. When do you make proiection ? SVB. Sonne , be not hasty , I exalt our Med'cine , By hanging him in Balneo Vaporoso ; And giuing him solution ; then congeale him , And then dissolue him ; then againe congeale him ; For looke , how oft I iterate the worke , So many times , I adde vnto his vertue . As , if at first , one Ounce conuert a hundred , After his second loose , he 'll turne a thousand ; His third solution , ten : his fourth a hundred . After his fifth , a thousand thousand Ounces Of any imperfect mettall , into pure Siluer , or Gold , in all examinations , As good , as any of the naturall Mine . Get you your stuffe here , against afternoone , Your Brasse , your Pewter , and your Andirons . MAM. Not those of iron ? SVB. Yes . You may bring them , too . We 'll change all mettall's . SVR. I beleeue you , in that . MAM. Then I may send my Spitts ? SVB. Yes , and your Racks . SVR. And Dripping-pannes , and Pot-hangers , and Hookes ? Shall he not ? SVB. If ●e please . SVR. To be an Asse . SVB. How Sir ! MAM. This Gent'man , you must beare withall . I told you , he had no faith . SVR. And little hope , Sir , But , much lesse charitie , should I gull my selfe . SVB. Why what haue you obseru'd , Sir , in our Art , Seemes so impossible ? SVR. But your whole worke , no more . That , you should hatch gold in a Fornace , Sir , As they doe egges in Egypt . SVB. Sir , doe you Beleeue that egges are hatch'd so ? SVr. If I should ? SVB. Why , I thinke that the greater Miracle . No Egge , but differs from a Chicken , more , Then Mettalls in themselues . SVR. That cannot be . The Egg 's ordain'd by Nature , to that end : And is a Chicken , in Potentia . SVB. The same we say of Lead , and other Mettalls , Which would be Gold , if they had time . MAM. And that Our Art doth furder . SVB. I , for 't were absurd To thinke that Nature , in the earth , bred Gold Perfect i' the instant . Something went before . There must be remote Matter . SVR. I , what is that ? SVB. Mary , we say . MAM. I , now it heates , stand Father . Pound him to Dust. SVB. It is , of the one part , A humide exhalation , which we call Materia liquida , or the V●ctuous Water ; On th' other part , a certaine crasse , and viscous Portion of earth ; both which , concorporate , Doe make the elementary matter of Gold : Which is not , yet , propria materia , But commune to all Mettalls , and all Stones . For , where it is forsaken of that moysture , And hath more drynesse , it becomes a Stone ; Where it retaines more of the humid fatnesse , It turnes to Sulphur , or to Quick-siluer : Who are the Parents of all other Mettals . Nor can this remote Matter , sodainly , Progresse so from extreme , vnto extreme , As to grow Gold , and leape ore all the meanes . Nature doth , first , beget th' imperfect ; then Proceedes shee to the perfect . Of that ayrye , And oyly water , Mercury is engendred ; Sulphure o' the fat , and earthy part ; the one ( Which is the last ) supplying the place of Male , The other of the Female , in all Mettalls . Some doe beleeue Hermaphrodeitie , That both doe act , and suffer . But these two Make the rest ductile , malleable , extensiue . And , euen in Gold , they are ; for we doe finde Seedes of them , by our fire , and Gold in them : And can produce the species of each mettall More perfect thence , then Nature doth in earth . Beside , who doth not see , in dayly practise , Art can beget Bees , Hornets , Beetles , Waspes , Out of the Carcasses , and dung of Creatures ; Yea , Scorpions , of an herbe , being ritely plac'd . And these are liuing Creatures , far more perfect , And excellent , then Mettall . MAM. Well said , Father ! Nay , if he take you in hand , Sir , with an argument , Hee 'll bray you in a Morter . SVR. Pray you , Sir , stay . Rather , then I 'll be bray'd , Sir , I 'll beleeue , That Alchemie is a pretty kinde of Game , Somewhat like Tricks o' the Cards , to cheat a man , With charming . SVB. Sir ? SVR. What else are all your Term● , Whereon no one o' your Writers grees with other ? Of your Elixir , your Lac virginis , Your Stone , your Med'cine , and your Chrysosperme , Your Sal , your Sulphur , and your Mercurie , Your Oyle of height , your Tree of life , your Blood , Your Marchesite , your Tutie , your Magnesia , Your Toade , your Crow , your Dragon , and your Panthar , Your Sunne , your Moone , your Firmament , your Adrop , Your Lato , Azoch , Zernich , Chibrit , Heautarit , And then your Red man , and your white 〈◊〉 ; With all your Broathes , your M●nstrues , and Materialls , Of Pisse , and Egge-shells , Womens termes , Mans blood , Hayre o' the head , burnt Cloutes , Chalke , Merds , and Clay , Poulder of bones , scalings of Iron , glasse . And worlds of other strange Ingredients , Would burst a man to name . SVB. And all these , nam'd , Intending but one thing : which art our Writers Vs'd to obscure their Art. MAM. Sir , so I told him . Because the simple I diot should not learne it , And make it vulgar . SVB. Was not all the knowledge Of the Aegyptians writ in mystick Symboles ? Speake not the Scriptures oft in Parables ? Are not the choysest Fables of the Poets , That were the Fountaines , and first Springs of Wisedome , Wrapt in perplexed Allegories ? MAM. I vrg'd that . And clear'd to him , that Sisiphus was damn'd To roule the ceaslesse stone , onely , because He would haue made ours common . Who is this ? SVB. God's precious — What doe you meane ? Goe in , good Lady ; Let me entreat you . Where 's this Varlet ? FAC. Sir ? DOL is seene . SVB. You very knaue . Doe you vse mee , thus ? FAC. Wherein Sir ? SVB. Goe in , and see , you traytor . Goe . MAM. who is it , Sir ? SVB. Nothing Sir. Nothing . MAM. What is the matter ? Good Sir ! I haue not seene you thus distemp'red . Who is 't ? SVB. All Artes haue still had , Sir , their aduersaries , But ours the most ignorant . What now ? FAC. 'T was not my fault , Sir , she would speake with you . SVB. Would she Sir ? Follow me . MAM. stay Lungs . FAC. I dare not Sir. FAC. Stay man , what is she ? FAC. A Lords Sister , Sir. MAM. How ! Pray thee stay ? FAC. She 's mad Sir , & sent hether — ( He 'll be mad too . MAM. I warrant thee . ) Why sent hether ? FAC. Sir , to be cur'd . SVB. Why Raskall ! FAC. Loe you . Here Sir. MAM. Fore-God , a Bra●●●ante , a braue piece ! SVR. Hart , this is a baudy-House . I 'll be burnt else . MAM. O , by this light , no. Doe not wrong him . H 'is Too scrupulous , that way : It is his vice . No , h 'is a rare Phisition , doe him right . An excellent Paracelsian ! and has done Strange cures with minerall phisick . He deales all With spirits , he , He will not heare a Word Of Galen , or his tedious Recipee's . How now , Lungs ! FAC. Softly , Sir , speake softly . I meant To ha' told your Worship all . This must not heare , MAM. No , he will not be gull'd ; let him alone . FAC. Y' are very right . Sir , she is a most rare schollar : And is gone mad , with studying Broughtons workes . If you but name a word , touching the Hebrew , She falls into her fit , and will discourse So learnedly of Genealogies , As you would runne mad , too , to heare her , Sir , MAM. How might one doe t' haue conference with her , Lungs ? FAC. O , diuers haue runne mad vpon the Conference . I doe not know , Sir : I am sent in hast , To fetch a Viale . SVR. Be not gull'd , Sir Mammon . MAM. Wherein ? 'Pray ye , be patient SVR. Yes , as you are . And trust confederate Knaues , and Baudes , and Whores . MAM. You are too foule , beleeue it . Come here , Zephyrus . One word . FAC. I dare not , in good faith . MAM. Stay , Knaue . FAC. H 'is extreme angry , that you saw her , Sir. MAM. Drinke that . What is she , when she 's out of her fit ? FAC. O the most affablest Creature , Sir ! so mery ! So pleasant ! she 'll mount you vp , like quick-siluer , Ouer the helme ; and circulate , like oyle ; A very Vegetall : discourse of State , Of Mathematiques , Ba●dry , any thing — MAM. Is she no way accessible ? no meanes , No trick , to giue a man a tast of her — W●t ? or so ? FAC. I 'll come to you againe , Sir. MAM. S●rly , I did not thinke , one o' your breeding Would traduce personages of worth . SVR. Sir Epic●re , Your friend to vse . Yet , still , loth to be gull'd . I doe not like your Phil●sophicall baudes . Their Stone is lechery inough , to pay for , Without this bayte MAM. ' Hart you abuse your selfe . I know the Lady , and her friends , and meanes , The originall of this disaster . Her Brother H 'as told me all . SVR. And yet , you ne're saw her Till now ? MAM. O yes , but I forgot . I haue ( beleeue it ) One o' the treacherou'st memories , I doe thinke , Of all mankinde . SVB. What call you her Brother ? MAM. My Lord — He wi'not haue his name knowne , now I thinke on 't . SVR. A very trecherous memory . MAM. O' my faith — SVR. Tut if you ha' it not about you passe it , Till we meete next . MAM. Nay , by this hand , 't is true . He 's one I honour , and my noble friend , And I respect his House . SVR. Hart ! Can it be , That a graue Sir , a rich , that has no need , A wise Sir , too , at other times should thus With his owne oathes , and arguments , make hard meanes To gull himselfe ? And , this be your Elixir , Your Lapis M●neralis , and your Lunarie , Giue me your honest trick , yet , at Primero , Or Gleeke ; and take your Lutum sapientis , Your Menstruum simplex : I 'll haue Gold , before you , And , with lesse danger of the Quick-siluer ; Or the hot Sulphur . FAC. Here 's one from Captaine Face , Sir , Desires you meete him i' the Temple-Church , Some halfe houre hence , and vpon earnest busines . Sir , if you please to quit vs , now ; and come , Againe , within two howers : You shall haue My Master busie examining o' the workes , And I will steale you in , vnto the party , 〈◊〉 That you may see her Conuerse . Sir , Shall I say , You 'll meete the Captaines Worship ? SVR. Sir , I will. But , by Attorney , and to a second purpose . Now , I am sure , it is a Bawdy-house ; I 'll sweare it , were the Marshall here , to thankeme . The naming this Commander , doth confirme it . Don Face ! Why , h 'is the most autentique dealer I'these Commodities ! The Superintendent To all the queinter Traffiquers , in towne . He is their Visiter , and do's appoint Who lies with whom ; and at what hower ; what price ; Which gowne ; and in what smock ; what fall ; what tire . Him will I proue , by a third person , to finde The subtilties of this darke Labyrinth : Which , if I doe discouer , deare , Sir Mammon , You 'll giue your poore Friend leaue , though no Philosopher , To laugh : for you that are , 't is thought , shall weepe . FAC. Sir. He do's pray , you 'll not forget . SVR. I will not , Sir. Sir Epicure , I shall leaue you . MAM. I follow you , streight . FAC. But doe so , good Sir , to auoide suspicion . This Gent'man has a par'lous head . MAM. But wilt thou Be constant to thy promise ? FAC. As my life , Sir. 〈◊〉 And wilt thou insinuate what I am ? and praise me ? And say I am a Noble fellow ? FAC. O what else , Sir ? And , that you 'll make her royall , with the Stone , An Empresse ; and your selfe King of Bantam . MAM. Wilt thou doe this ? FAC. Will I Sir ? MAM. Lungs , my Lungs , I loue thee . FAC. Send your stuffe Sir , that my Master May busie himselfe , about proiection . MAM. Th' hast witch'd me , Rogue : Take , Goe . FAC. Your Iack and all Sir. MAM. Thou art a Villaine — I will send my Iack ; And the weights too . Slaue , I could bite thine ●are . Away , thou dost not care for me . FAC. Not I Sir ? MAM. Come , I was borne to make thee , my good Weasell ; Set thee on a bench : and , ha'thee twirle a Chaine With the best Lords Vermine , of 'hem all . FAC. Away Sir. MAM. A Count , nay a Count-Palatine — FAC. Good Sir , goe . MAM. Shall not aduance thee , better ; no , nor faster . ACT. 2. SCENE . 4. SVBTLE . FACE . DOL. HAs he bitt ? Has he bit ? FAC. And swallow'd too , my Subtle . I ha' giu'n him line , and now he playes , I faith . SVB. And shall we twitch him ? FAC. Thorough both the gills . A Wench is a rare bay● , with which a Man No sooner 's taken , but he straight firkes mad . SVB. Dol , my Lord Whachums Sister , you must now Beare your selfe statelich . DOL. O , let me alone . I 'll not forget my race , I warrant you . I 'll keepe my distance , laugh , and talke aloud ; Haue all the trickes of a proud sciruy Lady : And be as rude ' as her woman . FAC. Well said , sanguine . SVB. But will he send his And●rons ? FAC. His Iack too ; And 's iron Shooing-horne . I ha'spoke to him . Well , I must not loose my wary Gamster , yonder . SVB. O Monsieur Caution , that will not be gull'd ? FAC. I , if I can strike a fine hooke into him , now , The Temple-church , there I haue cast mine angle . Well , pray for me . I 'll about it . SVB. What , more G●dgeons ! Dol , scout , scout ; stay Face , you must goe to the dore . 'Pray God , it be my Anabaptist . Who is 't Dol ? DOL. I know him not . He lookes like a Gold-end man. SVB. Gods so ! 't is he , he said he would send . What call you him ? The sanctified Elder , that should deale For Mammons , Iack , and Andirons ! Let him in . Stay , help me of , first , with my gowne . Away Ma-dame , to your withdrawing Chamber . Now , In a new tune , new gesture , but old language . This fellow is sent , from one negotiates with me About the stone , too ; for the holy Brethren Of Amstredam ; the exil'd Saints : that hope To raise their discipline , by it . I must vse him In some strange fashion , now , to make him admire me . ACT. 2. SCENE . 5. SVBTLE . FACE . ANANIAS . VVHere is my Drudge ? FAC. Sir. SVB. Take away the Recipient , And rectifie your Menstrue , from the Phlegma . Then poure it , ' o the Sol , in the Cucurbite , And let 'hem macerate , together . FAC. Yes , Sir. And saue the ground ? SVB. No. Terra damnata Must not haue entrance , in the worke . Who are you ? ANA. A faithfull Brother , if it please you . SVB. What 's that ? A Lullianist ? a Ripley ? Filius artis ? Can you sublime , and dulcefie , calcine ? Know you the sapor pontick ? sapor stipstick ? Or , what is Homogene , or Heterogene ? ANA. I vnderstand no Heathen language , truely . SVB. Heathen , you Knipper-doling ? Is Arssacra , Or Chrysopoeia , or Spagirica , Or the Pamphysick , or Panarchick knowledge , A Heathen language ? ANA. Heathen Greeke , I take it . SVB. How ? Heathen Greeke ? ANA. All 's Heathen , but the Hebrew . SVB. S'rah , my Varlet , stand you forth , and speake to him Like a Philosopher : Answere , ●'the language . Name the vexations , and the Martyrizations Of Mettalls , in the Worke. FAC. Sir , Putrefaction , Solution , Ablution , Sublimation , Cohobation , Calcination , Ceration , and Fixation . SVB. This is Heathen Greeke , to you , now ? And when comes Viuification ? FAC. After Mortification . SVB. What 's Cohobation ? FAC. 'T is the powring on Your Aqua R●gis , and then drawing him off , To the trine circle of the seuen spheares . SVB. What 's the proper passion of Mettalls ? FAC. Malleation . SVB. What 's your Vltimum supplicium auri ? FAC. Antimonium . SVB. This 's Heathen Greek , to you ? And , what 's your Mercury ? FAC. A very Fugitiue , he will be gone , Sir. SVB. How know you him ? FAC. By his viscositie , His oleositie , and his suscitabilitie . SVB. How do you sublime him ? FAC. With the calce of Egge-shels , White Marble , Talck . SVB. Your Magisterium , now ? What 's that ? FAC. Shifting , Sir , your elements , Dry into cold , cold into moyst , moist in - To hot , hot into dry . SVB. This 's Heathen Greeke to you , still ? Your L●pis Philosophicus ? FAC. 'T is a Stone , and not A Stone , a spirit , a soule , and a body ; Which , if you doe dissolue , it is dissolu'd , If you coagulate , it is coagulated , If you make it to flye , it flyeth . SVB. Inough . This 's Heathen Greeke , to you ? What are you Sir. ANA. Please you , a Seruant of the exilde Brethren , That deale with Widdowes , and with Orphanes goods ; And make a iust account , vnto the Saints : A Deacon . SVB. O , you are sent from Mr. Wholsome , Your Teacher ? ANA. From Tribulation Wholsome , Our very zealous Pastor . SVB. Good. I haue Some Orphanes goods to come here . ANA. Of what kind , Sir ? SVR. Peuter , and Brasse , Andirons , and Kitchin ware , Mettalls , that we must vse our med'cine on : Wherein the Brethren may haue a penn'orth . For ready money . ANA. Were the Orphanes Parents Sincere professors ? SVB. Why doe you aske ? ANA. Because We then are to deale iustly , and giue ( in truth ) Their vtmost valew . SVB. 'Slid , you 'ld cossen , else , And , if their Parents were not of the Faithfull ? I will not trust you , now I thinke on 't , Till I ha' talk'd with your Pastor . Ha' you brought money To buy more Coales ? ANA. No surely . SVB. No ? How so ? ANA. The Brethren bid me ●ay vnto you , Sir. Surely , they will not venter any more , Till they may see proiection . SVB. How ! ANA. Yo' haue had , For the Instruments , as bricks , and ●ome , and glasses , Already thirty pound ; and , for Materialls , They say , some ninety more : And , they haue heard , since , That one , at Hiedelberg , made it , of an Egge And a small paper of Pinne-dust . SVB. What 's your name ? ANA My name is Ananias . SVB. Out , the Varlet That cossend the Apostles ! Hence , away , Flee Mischiefe ; had your holy Consistory No name to send me , of another sound ; Then wicked Ananias ? Send your Elders , Hither , to make atonement for you , quickly , And gi' me satisfaction ; or out goes The fire : and downe th' Alembekes , and the Fornace . Piger Henricus , or what not . Thou wretch , Both Sericon , and Bufo , shall belost , Tell ' hem . All hope of rooting out the Bishops , Or th' Antichristian Hierarchie shall perish , If they stay threescore minutes . The Aqueitie , Terreity , and Sulphureitie Shall runne together againe , and all be annull'd Thou wicked Ananias . This willfetch 'hem , And make 'hem hast towards their gulling more . A man must deale like a rough Nurse , and fright Those , that are froward , to an appetite . ACT. 2. SCENE . 6. FACE . SVBTLE . DRVGGER . H 'is busie with his spirits , but we 'll vpon him . SVB. How now ! What Mates ? What Baiards ha' we here ? FAC. I told you he would be furious . Sir , Here 's Nab , Has brought yo' another peece of Gold , to looke on : ( Wee must appease him . Giue it me ) and prayes you You would deuise ( what is it Nab ? ) DRV. A signe , Sir. FAC. I , a good lucky one , a thriuing Signe , Doctor . SVB. I was deuising now . FAC. 'Slight , doe not say so , He will repent he ga' you any more . What say you to his Constellation , Doctor ? The Ballance ? SVB. No , that way is stale , and Common . A Townes . Man , borne in Taurus , giues the Bull ; Or the Bulls-head : In Aries , the Ram. A poore deuise . No. I will haue his Name Form'd in some mystick character ; whose radij , Striking the senses of the passers by , Shall , by a virtuall influence , breed affections , That may result vpon the party ownes it : As thus . FAC. Nab. SVB. He first shal haue a Bell , That 's Abell ; And , by it , standing one , whose name is Dee , In a rugg Gowne ; There 's D. and R●g , that 's Drug : And , right anenst him , a Dog snarling Er ; There 's Drugger , Abel Drugger . That 's his signe . And here 's now Mystery , and Hieroglyphick . Abell , thou art made . DRV. Sir , I doe thanke his Worship . FAC. Sixe o' thy legges more , will not doe it , Nab. He has brought you a pipe of Tobacco , Doctor . DRV. Yes , Sir. I haue another thing , I would impart — FAC. Out with it Nab. DRV. Sir , there is lodg'd hard by me A rich yong Widdow . FAC. Good ! a Bona roba ? DRV. But nineteene , at the most . FAC. Very good , Abel . DRV. Mary sh 'is not in fashion , yet ; she weares A hood : but 't stands a cop . FAC. No matter Abel . DRV. And , I doe , now and then giue her a fucus , FAC. What dost thou deale , Nab ? SVB. I did tell you , Captaine . DRV. And physick too sometime , Sir , for which she trusts me With all her minde . Shee 's come vp here , of purpose To learne the fashion . FAC. Good , His match too ! on Nab. DRV. And she do's strangely long to know her fortune . FAC. Gods lid , Nab ! Send her to the Doctor , hether . DRV. Yes , I haue spoke to her of his Worship , already : But shee 's afrayd , it will be blowne abroad And hurt her Marriage . FAC. Hurt it ? 'T is the way To heale it , if'twere hurt ; to make it more Follow'd and sought : Nab , thou shalt tell her this . Shee 'll be more knowne , more talk'd of , and your Widowes Are ne'er of any price till they be famous ; Their Honour is their multitude of Sutors . Send her , it may be thy good fortune . What ? Thou dost not know . DRV. No , Sir , shee 'll neuer mary Vnder a Knight . Her brother has made a Vow . FAC. What , and dost thou despayre , my little Nab , Knowing , what the Doctor has set downe for thee , And seeing so many , o' the Citie , dub'd ? One Glasse o' thy water , with a Madame I know Will haue it done Nab. What 's her brother ? a Knight ? DRV. No , Sir , A Gentleman , newly , warme in ' his land , Sir , Scarse cold in his one and twenty ; that do's gouerne His Sister , here : and is a Man himselfe Of some three thousand a yeere , and is come vp To learne to quarrell , and to liue by his wittes , And will goe downe againe , and dye i' the Countrey . FAC. How ! to quarrell ? DRV. Yes , Sir , to carry Quarrells , As Gallants doe , and manage 'hem , by line . FAC. 'Slid Nab. The Doctor is the onely man In Christendome for him . He has made a Table , With Mathematicall demonstrations , Touching the Art of Quarrells . He will giue him An Instrument to quarrell by . Goe , bring 'hem , both ; Him , and his Sister . And , for thee , with her The Doctor happ'ly may perswade . Goe to . ' Shalt giue his Worship , a new Damaske suite Vpon the premisses . SVB. O good Captaine . FAC. He shall , He is the honestest fellow , Doctor . Say not , No offers , bring the Damaske , and the Parties . DRV. I 'll try my power , Sir. FAC. And thy will too , Nab. SVB. 'T is good Tobacco this ! What is 't an ounce ? FAC. Hee 'll send you a pound , Doctor . SVB. O , no : FAC. Hee will do 't . It is the gooddest soule . Abell about it . ( Thou shalt know more anone . Away , be gone . ) A miserable Rogue , and liues with Cheese , And has the wormes . That was the cause indeed Why he came now . He dealt with me , in priuate , To get a med'cine for ' hem . SVB. And shall , Sir. This workes . FAC. A wife , a wife , for one on' vs , my deare Subtle : Wee 'll eene draw lots , and he , that fayles , shall haue The more in goods , the other has in tayle . SVB. Rather the lesse . For she may be so light She may want graynes . FAC. I , or be such a burden , A man would scarse endure her , for the whole . SVB. Faith , best let 's see her first , and then determine . FAC. Content . But Doll must ha' no breath on 't . SVB. Mum. Away , you to your Surly yonder , Catch him . FAC. 'Pray God I ha'not stayd too long . SVB. I feare it . ACT. 3. SCENE . 1. TRIBVLATION . ANANIAS . THese Chastisements are common to the Saints , And such rebukes th' Elect must beare , with patience ; They are the exercises of the Spirit , And sent to tempt our fraylties . ANA. In pure zeale , I doe not like the man : He is a Heathen . And speakes the language of Canaan , truely . TRI. I thinke him a prophane person , indeed . ANA. He beares The visible marke of the beast , in his forehead . And for his Stone , it is a worke of darknesse , And , with Philosophie , blinds the eyes of man. TRI. Good Brother , we must bend vnto all meanes , That may giue furtherance , to the holy cause . ANA. Which his cannot : The sanctified cause Should haue a sanctified course . TRI. Not alwaies necessary . The Children of perdition are , oft times , Made instruments euen of the greatest workes . Beside , we should giue somewhat to mans nature , The place he liues in , still about the Fire , And fume of Mettalls , that intoxicate The brayne of Man , and make him prone to passion . Where haue you greater Atheists , then your Cookes ? Or more prophane , or cholerick then your Glasse-men ? More Antichristian then your Bell-founders ? What makes the Diuell so diuelish , I would aske you , Sathan , our common enemy , but his being Perpetually about the fire , and boyling Br●stone , and Arsnike ? We must giue , I say , Vnto the motiues , and the stirrers vp Of humors in the blood . It may be so . When as the Worke is done , the Stone is made , This heate of his may turne into a zeale , And stand vp for the beauteous discipline , Against the menstruous cloth , and ragg of Rome . We must awayt his calling , and the comming Of the good Spirit . You did fault , t' vpbraid him With the Brethrens blessing of Heidelberg , waighing What neede we haue , to hasten on the Worke , For the restoring of the silenc'd Saints , Which ne'er will be , but by the Philosophers Stone . And , so a learned Elder , one of Scotland , Assur'd me ; Aurum potabile being The onely med'cine , for the ciuill Magistr●te , T' incline him to a feeling of the cause : And must be dayly vs'd , in the disease . ANA. I haue not aedified more , truely , by man ; Not , since the beautifull light , first , shone on mee : And I am sad my zeale hath so offended . TRI. Let vs call on him , then . ANA. The motion 's good . And of the Spirit ; I will knock first : Peace be within . ACT. 3. SCENE . 2. SVBTLE . TRIBVLATION . ANANIAS . O Are you come ? 'T was time . Your threescore minutes Were at the last thred , you see , And , downe had gone Furnus acediae , Turris circulatorius , Lembeke , Bolts-head , Retort , and Pellicane Had all beene cinders . Wicked Ananias ! Art thou return'd ? Nay then it goes downe , yet . TRI. Sir , be appeased , Hee is come to humble Himselfe in Spirit , and to aske your patience , If too much zeale hath carried him , aside , From the due path . SVB. Why , this doth qualefie . TRI. The Brethren had no purpose , verely , To giue you the least greeuance : but are ready To lend their willing hands , to any proiect The Spirit , and you direct . SVB. This qualefies more . TRI. And , for the Orphanes goods , let them be valew'd , Or what is needfull , else , to the holy Worke , It shall be numbred : Here , by me , the Saints Throw downe their purse before you . SVB. This qualifies , most . Why , thus it should be , now you vnderstand . Haue I discours●d so vnto you , of our Stone ? And , of the good that it shall bring your cause ? Shew'd you ( beside the mayne of hiring forces Abroad , drawing the Hollanders , your friends , From the' Indies , to serue you , with all their Fleete ) That euen the med'cinall vse shall make you a faction , And party in the Realme . As , put the case , That some great Man , in stat● , he haue the Gout , Why you but send three droppes of your Elixir , You help him straight : There you haue made a Friend . Another has the Palsey , or the Dropsie , He takes of your incombustible stuffe , Hee 's yong againe : There you haue made a Friend . A Lady , that is past the feate of body , Though not of minde , and hath her face decay'd Beyond all cure of painting ; you restore With the Oyle of Tal●k : There you haue made a Friend . And all her friends . A Lord , that is a Leper , A Knight , that has the bone-ache , or a Squire That hath both these , you make 'hem smooth , and sound , With a bare fricace of your med'cine : Still , You increase your Friends . TRI. I , 't is very praegnant . SVB. And , then , the turning of this Lawyers pewter To plate , at Christ-masse . ANA. Christ-tide , I pray you . SVB. Yet , Ananias ? ANA. I haue done . SVB. Or changing His parcell guilt , to massy Gold. You cannot But raise you Friends . With all , to be of power To pay an armie , in the field ; to buy The King of France , out of his Realmes ; or Spaine , Out of his Indies : What can you not doe , Against Lords Spirituall , or Temporall , That shall oppone you ? TRI. Verely , 't is true . We may be temporall Lords , our selues , I take it . SVB. You may be any thing , and leaue of to make Long-winded exercises : or suck vp , Your ha , and hum , in a tune . I not deny , But such as are not graced , in a State , May , for their endes , be aduerse in Religion , And get a tune , to call the flocke together : For ( to say sooth ) a tune do's much , with women , And other phlegmatick people , It is your Bell. ANA. Bells are prophane , a tune may be religious . SVB. No warning with you ? Then , farewell my patience . 'Slight , it shall downe : I will not be thus tortur'd . TRI. I pray you , Sir. SVB. All shall perish . I haue spoke it . TRI. Let me finde grace , Sir , in your eyes ; The man He stands corrected : neither did his zeale ( But as your selfe ) allow a tune , some-where . Which , now , being to'ard the Stone , we shall not need . SVB. No , nor your holy vizard , to winne Widdowes To giue you Legacies ; or make zealous Wiues To rob their Husbands , for the common cause ; Nor take the start of Bandes , broke but one day , And say , they were forfeited , by prouidence . Nor shall you neede , ore night , to eate huge meales , To celebrate your next dayes fast the better : The whilst the Brethren , and the Sisters , humbled , Abate the stiffenesse of the flesh ; Nor cast Before your hungry hearers , scrupulous bones , As whether a Christian may hawke , or hunt ; Or whether , Matrons , of the holy Assembly , May lay their haire out , or weare doublets , Or haue that Idol Starch , about their linnen . ANA. It is indeed an Idoll TRI. Minde him not , Sir. I doe command thee , Spirit ( of zeale , but trouble ) To peace within him . Pray you Sir , goe on . SVB. Nor shall you need to libell 'gainst the Prelates , And shorten so your eares , against the hearing Of the next wire-drawne Grace . Nor , of necessitie , Rayle against playes , to please the Alderman , Whose dayly Custard you deuoure Nor lie With zealous rage , till you are hoarse . Not one Of these so singular artes . Nor call your selues , By names of Tribulation , Persecution , Restraint , Long-Patience , and such like , affected By the whole Family , or Wood of you , Onely for glory , and to catch the eare Of the Disciple . TRI. Truely , Sir , they are Wayes , that the Godly Brethren haue inuented , For propagation of the holy cause , As very notable meanes ; and whereby , also , Themselues grow soone , and profitably famous . SVB. O , but the Stone , all 's idle to'it ! nothing ! The art of Angels , Natures miracle , The diuine secret , that doth flye in clouds , From East to West : and whose Tradition Is not from men but spirits . ANA. I hate Traditions . I doe not trust ' hem . TRI. Peace . ANA. They are Popish , all . I will not peace . I will not — TRI. Ananias . ANA. Please the prophane , to greeue the godly . I may not . SVB. Well , Ananias , thou shalt ouercome . TRI. It is an ignorant zeale , that haunts him , Sir. But truely , else , a very faithfull Brother ; A Botcher : and a man , by reuelation , That hath a competent knowledge of the Truth . SVB. Has he a competent summe , there , i' the bagg , To buy the goods , within ? I am made Guardian , And must , for Charitie , and Conscience sake , Now , see the most be made , for my poore Orphane . Though I desire the Brethren , too , good Gayners . There , they are , within . When you haue view'd , & bought 'hem , And tane the Inuentory of what they are , They' are ready for ●roiection ; there 's no more To doe ; Cast on the med'cine : So much Siluer As there is Tinne there , so much Gold as Brasse , I 'll gi' it you in , by waight . TRI. But how long time , Sir , must the Saints expect , yet ? SVB. Let me see , How 's the Moone , now ? Eight , nine , ten dayes hence He will be Siluer potate ; then , three dayes , Before he citronise : some fifteene dayes , The Magisterium will be perfected . ANA. About the second day , of the third weeke , In the ninth Month ? SVB. Yes my good Ananias . TRI. What will the Orphanes goods arise to , thinke you ? SVB. Some hundred Markes ; as much as fill'd three Carres , Vnladed now : you shall make sixe millions of ' hem . But I must ha'more coales laid in . TRI. How ! SVB. Another load , And then we ha' finish'd . We must now encrease Our fire to Ignis ardens , we are past Fimus equinus , B●lnei , Cineris , And all those lenter heates . If the holy Purse Should , with this draught , fall low , and that the Saint● Doe need a present summe ; I haue trick To melt the Pewter , you shall buy now , instantly , And , with a tincture , make you as good ` Dutch Dollers , As any are in Holland TRI. Can you so ? SVB. I , and shall bide the third examination . ANA. It will be ioyfull tidings to the Brethren . SVB. But you must cary it , secret TRI. I , but stay This act of coyning , is it lawfull ? ANA. Lawfull ? We know no Magistrate Or , if we did , This 's forraine coyne . SVB. It is no coyning , Sir. It is but casting , TRI. Ha ? you distinguish well . Casting of money may be lawfull . ANA. 'T is , Sir. TRI. Truely , I take it so . SVB. There is no scruple Sir , to be made of it ; beleeue Ananias . This case of conscience he is studied in . TRI. I 'll make a question of it , to the Brethren . ANA. The Brethren shall approue it lawfull , doubt not . Where shall 't be done ? SVB. For that wee 'l talke , anone . There 's some to speake with me . Goe in , I pray you , And viewe the parcels . That 's the Inuentory . I 'll come to you straight . Who is it ? Face ? Appeare . ACT. 3. SCENE . 3. SVBTLE . FACE . DOL. HOw now ? Good prise ? FAC. Good poxe . Yon'd costiue Cheater Neuer came on . SVB. How then ? FAC. Iha ' walkd the round , Till now , and no such thing . SVB. And ha' you quit him ? FAC. Quit him ? and Hell would quit him too , he were happy . 'Slight would you haue me stalke like a Mill-Iade , All day , for one , that will not yeeld vs Graynes ? I know him of old . SVB. O , but to ha' gull'd him , Had beene a maystry . FAC. Let him goe , black Boy , And turne thee , that some fresh newes may possesse thee . A noble Count , a Don of Spaine ( my deare Delicious compeere , and my party-baud ) Who is come hether , priuate , for his Conscience , And brought munition with him , sixe great slopps , Bigger then three Dutch Hoighs , beside round trunkes , Furnish'd with Pistolets , and Peeces of eight , Will straight be here , my Rogue , to haue thy Bath That is the colour , and to make his battry Vpon our Dol , our Castle , our Cinque-Port , Our Douer Pire , our what thou wilt . Where is shee ? She must prepare perfumes , delicate linnen , The bath in chiefe , a banquet , and her wit , For she must feele his Epididimis . Where is the Doxie ? SVB. I 'll send her to thee : And but dispatch my brace of little Iohn Leydens , And come againe my selfe . FAC. Are they within then ? SVB. Numbring the summe . FAC. How much ? SVB. A hundred markes , boy , FAC. Why this 's a lucky day . Ten pounds of Mammon ? Three o' my Clearke . A Portague o' my Grocer . This o' the Brethren , beside Reuersions , And States , to come i' the Widdow , and my Count. My share , to day , will not be bought for forty — DOL. What ? FAC. Pounds , dainty Dorothee , art thou so neare ? DOL. Yes , say Lo : Generall , how fares ōur Campe ? FAC. As , with the few , that had entrench'd themselues Safe , by their discipline , against a world , Dol : And laugh'd , within those trenches , and grew fat With thinking on the booties , Dol , brought in Dayly , by their small parties . This deare hower , A doughty Don is taken , with my Doll ; And thou maist make his ransome , what thou wilt , My Dousabell : He shall be brought here , fetter'd With thy fayre lookes , before he see 's thee , and throwne In a Downe-bed , as darke as any Dungeon ; Where thou shalt keepe him waking , with thy Drum ; Thy Drum , my Dol ; thy Drum ; till he be tame As the poore Black-birds were i' the great frost , Or Bees are with a bason : and so hiue him I' the Swan-skin Couerlid , and cambrick Sheetes , Till he worke Honey , and Waxe , my little Gods-guift . DOL. What is he , Generall . FAC. An Adalantado , A Grande , Girle Was not my Dapper here , yet ? DOL. No. FAC. Nor my Drugger ? DOL. Neither . FAC. A poxe on 'hem , They are so long a furnishing . Such Stinkards Would not be seene , vpon these festiuall dayes . How now ! ha'you done ? SVB. Done. They are gone . The summe Is here in Banque , my Face . I would , we knew Another chapman , now , would buy 'hem outright . FAC. 'Slid , Nab shall doo 't , against he ha' the Widdow , To furnish houshould . SVB. Excellent well thought on , Pray God , he come . FAC. I pray , he keepe away Till our new businesse be o're-past . SVB. But , Face , How cam'st thou , by this secret Don ? A Spirit Brought me th' intelligence , in a paper , here , As I was coniuring , yonder , in my Circle For Surly : I ha' my Flies abroad . Your Bath Is famous Subtle , by my meanes . Sweet Doll , You must goe tune your Virginall , no loosing O' the least time . And , doe you heare ? good action . Firke like a Flounder , kisse like a Scallop , close ; And tickle him with thy Mother-tongue . His great Verdugo-ship has not a iot of language : So much the easier to be cossin'd , my Dolly . He will come here , in a hir'd Coach , obscure , And our owne Coachman , whom I haue sent , as Guide , No creature else . Who 's that ? SVB. It i'not he ? FAC. O no , not yet this hower . SVB. Who is 't ? DOL. Dapper , Your Clearke . FAC. Gods will , then , Queene of Faerie , On with your tire ; and , Doctor , with your robes . Lett 's vs dispatch him , for Gods sake . SVB. 'T will be long . FAC. I warrant you , take but the QQ s I giue you , It shall be briefe inough , 'Slight , here are more . Abel , and I thinke , the angry Boy , the Heyre , That fame would quarrell . SVB. And the Widdow ? FAC. No , Not that I see . Away . O Sir , you are welcome . ACT. 3. SCENE . 4. FACE . DAPPER . DRVGGER . KASTRIL . THe Doctor is within , a mouing for you ; I haue had the most adoe to winne him to it ; He sweares , you 'll be the Dearling o' the Dice : He neuer heard her Highnes doate , till now . Your Aunt has gi●'n you the most gracious words , That can be thought on . DAP. Shall I see her Grace ? FAC. See her , and kisse her too . What ? honest Nab ! Ha'st brought the Damaske ? Nab. No Sir , here 's Tobacco . FAC. 'T is Well done . Thou 'lt bring the Damasketoo ? DRV. Yes , here 's the Gentleman , Captaine , Mr. Kastrill , I haue brought to see the Doctor . FAC. Where 's the Widdow ? DRV. Sir , as he likes , his Sister ( he sayes ) shall come . FAC. O , is it so ? Good time . Is your name Kastrill , Sir ? KAS. I , and the best o' the Kastrills , I 'lld be sory else , By fifteene hundred , a yeare Where is this Doctor ? My mad Tobacco-Boy , here , tells me of one , That can doe things . Has he any skill ? FAC. Wherein , Sir ? KAS. To cary a business , manage a Quarrell , fayrely , Vpon fit termes . FAC. It seemes Sir , yo' are but yong About the towne , that can make that a question . KAS. Sir , not so yong , but I haue heard some speech Of the angry Boyes , and seene'hem take Tobacco ; And in his shop : and I can take it too . And I would faine be one of 'hem , and goe downe And practise i' the countrey . FAC. Sir , for the Duello , The Doctor , I assure you , shall informe you , To the least shadow of a hayre : and shew you , An Instrument he has , of his owne making , Wherewith , no sooner shall you make report Of any Quarrell , but he will take the Height on 't , Most instantly ; and tell in what Degree , Of saf'ty it lies in , or mortalitie . And , how it may be borne , whether in a right line , Or a halfe-circle ; or may , else , be cast Into an angle blunt , if not acute : All this he will demonstrate . And then , Rules , To giue , and take the Lie , by . KAS. How ? to take it ? FAC. Yes , in oblique , hee 'll shew you ; or in circle : But neuer in diameter . The whole Towne Study his Theoremes , and dispute them , ordinarily . At the eating Academies . KAS. But , dos he teach Liuing , by the Witts , too ? FAC. Any thing , what euer . You cannot thinke that subtilty , but he reades it . He made me a Captaine ; I was a starke Pimpe , Iusto'your standing , 'fore I met with him : It i'not two months since . I 'll tell you his method . First , Hee will enter you , at some Ordinarie . KAS. No , I 'll not come there . You shall pardon me . FAC. For why , Sir ? KAS. There 's gaming there , and tricks . FAC. Why , would you be A Gallant , and not game ? KAS. I , 't will spend a man. FAC. Spend you ? It will repayre you , when you are spent . How doe they liue by their wits , there , that haue vented Sixe times your fortunes ? KAS. What , three thousand a yeare ? FAC. I , forty thousand . KAS. Are there such ? FAC. I Sir. And Gallants , yet . Here 's a yong Gentleman , Is borne to nothing , forty markes a yeare , Which I count nothing . H 'is to be initiated , And haue a Flye o' the Doctor . He will winne you By vnresistable luck , within this fortnight , Inough to buy a Baronry . They will set him Vpmost , at the Groome-Porters , all the Christmasse . And , for the whole yeare through , at euery place , Where there is play , present him with the Chayre , The best attendance , the best drinke , sometimes Two glasses of Canarie , and pay nothing ; The purest linnen , and the sharpest knife , The Partrich next his trencher : and , somewhere , The dainty bed , in priuate , with the Dainty . You shall ha'your Ordinaries bid for him , As Play-houses for a ` Poet● ; and the Master Pray him , aloud , to name what Dish he affects , Which must be butterd Shrimpes : and those , that drinke To no mouth else , will drinke to his , as being The goodly President-Mouth of all the boord . KAS. Doe you not gull one ? FAC. God's my life ! Doe you thinke it ? You shall haue a cast Commander , can but get In credit with a Glouer , or a Spurrier , For some two payre , of eythers ware , afore-hand , Will , by most swift posts , dealing with him , Arriue at competent meanes , to keepe himselfe , His Punke , and naked Boy , in excellent fashion . And be admir'd for 't . KAS. Will the Doctor teach this ? FAC. He will doe more , Sir , when your Land is gone , ( As men of Spirit hate to keepe earth long ) In a Vacation , when small money is stirring , And Ordinaries suspended till the Tearme , Hee 'll shew a Perspectiue , where on one side You shall behold the faces , and the persons Of all sufficient yong Heyres , in towne , Whose bonds are currant for commoditie ; On th' other side , the Merchants formes , and others , That , without help of any second Broker , ( Who would expect a share ) will trust such parcells : In the third square , the very streete , and signe Where the Commoditie dwels , and do's but wait To be deliuer'd , be it Pepper , Sope , Hopps , or Tobacco , Ote-meale , Woad , or Cheeses . All which you may so handle , to enioy , To your owne vse , and neuer stand oblig'd . KAS. I faith ! Is he such a fellow ? FAC. Why , Nab here knowes him . And then for making matches , for rich Widdowes , Yong Gentlewomen , Heyres , the fortunat'st Man ! Hee 's sent too farre , and neare , all ouer England To haue his counsell , and to know their Fortunes . KAS. Gods will , my Suster shall see him . FAC. I 'll tell you , Sir , What he did tell me of Nab. It 's a strange thing , ( By the way you must eate no Cheese , Nab , it breedes Melancholy : And that same Melancholy breedes wormes ) but passe it , He told me honest Nab , here , was ne'er at Tauerne , But once in 's life . DRV. Truth , and no more I was not . FAC. And , then he was so sick — DRV. Could he tell you that , too ? FAC. How should I know it ? DRV. In troth wee had beene a shooting , And had a peece of fat Ram-Mutton , to supper , That lay so heauy o' my stomack — FAC. And he has no head To beare any Wine ; for , what with the noyse o' the Fiddlers , And care of his shop , for he dares keepe no Seruants — DRV. My head did so ake — FAC. As he was faine to be brought home , The Doctor told me . And then a good Old Woman — DRV. ( Yes faith she dwels in Seacoale-lane ) did cure me , With sodden Ale , and Pellitorie o' the Wall ; Cost me but two pence . I had another sicknesse , Was worse then that . FAC. I , that was with the griefe Thou took st for b●ing seast at eighteene pence , For the water-worke DRV. In truth , and it was like T' haue cost me almost my life . FAC Thy hayre went off ? DRV. Yes , Sir , t was done for spight FAC. Nay , so sayes the Doctor . KAS. Pray thee Tobacco-Boy , Goe fetch my Suster , I 'll see this learned Boy , before I goe : And so shall ●he . FAC. Sir , he is bu●e now : But , if you haue a Sister to fetch 〈◊〉 , Perhaps , your owne paines may command her sooner ; And he , by that time , will be free . 〈◊〉 . I goe , Sir. FAC. Drugger , shee 's thine ; the Damas●e . Subtle , and I Must wrastle for her . Come on , Mr. Dapper . You see , how I turne Clients , here , away , To giue your cause dispatch . Ha'you perform'd The ceremonies were inioyn'd you ? DAP. Yes , o' the Vinegar , And the cleane shirt . FAC. 'T is well : that shirt may doe you More Worship then you thinke . Your Aunt 's a fire But that she will not shew it , t' haue a sight on you . Ha' you prouided for her Graces Seruants ? DAP. Yes here are six-score Edward shillings . FAC Good. DAP. And an old Harry's Soueraigne . FAC. Very good . DAP. And three Iames shillings , and an Elizabeth groat , Iust twenty nobles . FAC. O , you are too iust . I would you had had the other Noble in Mari●s . DAP. I haue some Philip and Maries . FAC I those same Are best of all . Where are they ? Hearke , the Doctor . ACT. 3. SCENE . 5. SVBTLE . FACE . DAPPER . DOL. IS yet her Graces Cossen come ? FAC. He is come . SVB. And is he fasting ? FAC. Yes . SVB. And hath cry'd Hum ? FAC. Thrise , you must answere . DAP. Thrise . SVB. And as oft Buz ? FAC. If you haue , say . DAP. I haue . SVB. Then , to her Cuz , Hoping , that he hath vinegard his senses , As he was bid , the Faery Queene dispenses , By me , this Robe , the Peticoate of Fortune ; Which that he straight put on , she doth importune . And though to Fortune neere be her Peticoate , Yet , nearer is her Smock , the Queene doth note : And , therefore , euen of that a piece she hath sent , Which , being a Child , to wrap him in , was rent ; And prayes him , for a scarfe , he now will weare it ( With as much loue , as then her Grace did teare it ) About his eyes to shew , he is fortunate . And , trusting vnto her to make his State , Hee 'll throw away all worldly pelfe , about him ; Which that hee will performe , she doth not doubt him . FAC. She need not doubt him , Sir Alasse , he has nothing , But what he will part withall , as willingly , Vpon her Graces word ( Throw away your purse ) As she would aske it , ( hand-kerchiefes , and all ) She cannot bid that thing , but hee 'll obay . If you haue a Ring , about you , cast it off , Or a siluer seale , at your wrist , her Grace will send Her Faeries here to search you , therefore deale Directly with her Highnesse . If they finde That you conceale a mite , you are vndone . DAP. Truely ther 's all FAC. All what ? DAP. My money , truly . FAC. Keepe nothing , that is transitorie , about you , Bid 〈◊〉 play musique . Looke , the 〈◊〉 are come To pinch you , if you tell not truth . Aduise you . DAP. O , I haue a paper with a Spur-riall in 't . FAC. Ti , ti , They knew 't , they say . SVB. Ti , ti , ti , ti , he has more yet . FAC. Ti , ti ti ti . I' the tother pocket ? SVB. Titi , titi , titi , titi . They must pinch him , or he will neuer confesse , they say . DAP. O , o. FAC. Nay , pray you hold . Hee is her Graces Nephew . Ti ti ti ? What care you ? Good faith , you shall care . Deale plainely , Sir , and shame the Faeries . Shew You are an Innocent . DAP. By this good light , I ha'nothing , SVB. Ti ti , ti ti to ta . He dos aequiuocate , she sayes : Ti , ti do ti , ti ti do , ti da. And sweares by the light , when he is blinded . DAP. By this good darke , I ha' nothing but a halfe-Crowne Of Gold , about my wrist , that my Loue gaue me ; And a leaden Heart I wore , sin' she forsooke me . FAC. I thought , 't was something . And , would you incurre Your Aunts displeasure for these trifles ? Come I had rather you had throwne away twenty halfe-crownes . You may weare your leaden Heart still . How now ? SVB. What newes , Dol ? DOL. Yonder 's your Knight , Sir Mammon . FAC. Gods lid , We neuer thought of him , till now . Where is hee ? DOL. Here , hard by . H 'is at the doore . SVB. And , you are not ready , now ? Dol , get his suite . He must not be sent back . FAC. O by no meanes . What shall we doe with this same Puffin , here , Now hee 's o' the Spit ? SVB. Why lay him backe a while , With some deuise , Ti , ti ti , ti ti ti . Would her Grace speake with me ? I come . Help Dol. FAC. Who 's there ? Sir Epicure ; My Master 's i' the way . Please you to walke Three or foure turnes , but till his back be turn'd , And I am for you . Quickly , Dol. SVB. Her Grace Commends her kindly to you , Mr. Dapper . DAP. I long to see her Grace . SVB. She , now , is set At Dinner , in her bed ; and she has sent you , From her owne priuate trencher , a dead Mouse , And a piece of Ginger-bread , to be mery withall , And stay your stomacke , least you faint with fasting . Yet , if you could hold out , till she saw you , she sayes , It would be better for you . FAC. Sir , He shall Hold out , and 't were this two howers , for her Highnes ; I can assure you that . We will not loose All we ha' done . SVB. He must nor see , nor speake To any body , till then . FAC. For that , we 'll put Sir , A stay in ' is mouth . SVB. Of what ? FAC. Of Ginger-bread . Make you it fit . He that hath pleas'd her Grace , Thus farre , shall not now crinckle , for a little . Gape Sir , and let him fit you . SVB. Where shall we now Bestow him ? DOL. I' the Priuy . SVB. Come along , Sir I now must shew you Fortunes priuy lodgings . FAC. Are they perfum'd ? and his bath ready ? SVB. All. Onely the Fumigation's somewhat strong . FAC. Sir Epicure , , I am yours , Sir , by and by . ACT. 4. SCENE . 1. FACE . MAMMON . DOL. O Sir , yo' are come i' the onely , finest time — MAM. Where 's Master ? FAC. Now preparing for proiection , Sir. Your stuffe will b' all chang'd shortly . MAM. Into Gold ? FAC. To Gold , and Siluer , Sir. MAM. Siluer I care not for . FAC. Yes , Sir , a little to giue Beggars . MAM. Where 's the Lady ? FAC. At hand , here . I ha' told her such braue things , on you , Touching your bounty & your noble Spirit MAM. Hast thou ? FAC. As she is almost in her fit to see you . But , good Sir , no Diuinitie i' your conference For feare of putting her in rage . MAM. I warrant thee . FAC. Sixe men will not hold her downe . And , then If the Old man should heare , or see you . MAM. Feare not . FAC. The very House , Sir , would runne madd . You know it How scrupulous he is , and violent , 'Gainst the least act of sinne . Physick , or Mathematiques , Poetry , State , or Baudry ( as I told you ) She will endure and neuer startle ; But No word of Controuer●ie . MAM. I am school'd , good Lungs . FAC. And you must praise her House , remember that , And her Nob● MAM. Let me , aloue : No He●ld , no nor A●tiquarie , Lu●gs , Shall doe it better . Goe FAC. Why this is yet A kinde of 〈◊〉 , to haue Dol●ommon for a great Lady . MAM. Now , Epicure , Heighten thy selfe , talke to her , all in Gold ; Rayne her as many showers as Ioue did dropps Vnto his 〈◊〉 , : Shew the God a Mis●r , Compa'rd with Mammon , What ? the Stone will do 't . She shall feele Gold , tast Gold , heare Gold , sleepe Gold : Nay , we will concumbere Gold. I will be puissant , And mighty in my talke to her . Here she comes . FAC. To him , Dol , suckle him . This is the noble Knight , I told your Ladiship . MAM. Madame , with your pardon , I kisse your vesture . DOL Sir , I were vnciuill If I would suffer that , my lip to you Sir. MAM. I hope , my Lord your Brother be in health , Lady ? DOL. My Lord , my Brother is , though I no Lady , Sir. FAC. Well said my Guiny - 〈◊〉 MAM. Right noble Madam — FAC. O , we shall haue most fierce Idolatry ! MAM. 'T is your Pr●rogatiue . DOL. Rather your Courtesie . MAM. Were there nought else t' inlarge your vertues , to me , These answeres speake your breeding , and your blood . DOL. Blood wee boast none , Sir , a poore Baron's Daughter . MAM. Poore , and gat you ? Prophane not , had your Father Slept all the happy remnant of his life After that act , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 but there still , and panted , H 'had done inough to make himselfe , his issue , And his posteritie noble DOL. Sir , although We may besaid to 〈◊〉 the guilt , and trappings , The 〈◊〉 of 〈◊〉 ; yet we stri●e to keepe . The ●eedes , and the 〈◊〉 . MAM. I doe see The old 〈◊〉 , Vertue , was not lost , Nor the Drug , Money , vs'd to make your compound . There is a strange Nobilitie , i' your eye ; This lip , that chinne . Me thinkes you doe resemble One o' the Austr●ack Princes . FAC. Very like , Her Father was an Irish Coster-monger . MAM. The house of Valois , iust , had such a Nose ; And such a Fore-head , yet , the Medic● Of Floren● boast . DOL. Troth , and I haue beene lik'ned To all these Princ●s . FAC. I 'll be sworne , I heard it . MAM. I know not , how ; It is not any one , Butee'n the very choise of all their features . FAC. I 'll in , and laugh . MAM A certaine touch , or ayre , That 〈◊〉 a diu●itie , beyond An earthly beauty . DOL. O , you play the Courtier . MAM Good Lady gi'me leaue . DOL. In faith , I may not , To mock me , Sir. MAM. To burne i'th is sweet flame : The Phoe●x neuer knew a nobler death . DOL. Nay , now you court , the Courtier , and destroy What you would build . This Art Sir , i' your words Calls your whole faith in question MAM. By my soule . — DOL. Na● Othes are made o' the same ayre , Sir. MAM. Nature Neuer bestow'd vpon mortalitie , A more vnblam'd , a more harmonious feature : She play'd the Step-dame in all faces , else . Sweet Madame , le' me be particular . DOL. Particular , Sir ? I pray you know your distance . MAM. In no ill sense , sweet Lady , but to aske How your fayre Graces passe the howers ? I see Yo' are lodg'd , here , i' the house of a rare man , An excellent Artist ; But , what 's that to you ? DOL. Yes , Sir. I study here the M●thematiques , And distillation . MAM. O , I cry your pardon . H 'is a Diuine Instructer , can extract The soules of all things , by his art , call all The vertues , and the miracles of the Sunne , Into a temperate fornace : teach dull Nature What her owne forces are . A man , the Emp'rour Has courted , aboue Kelley : sent his medalls , And chaines , t' invite him . DOL. I , and for his Physick , Sir. MAM. Aboue the art of Aesculapius , That drew the enuy of the Thunderer . I know all this , and more . DOL. Troth , I am taken , Sir , Whole , with these studies , that contemplate Nature : MAM. It is a noble Humor . But , this forme Was not entended to so darke a vse . Had you beene crooked , foule , of some course mould , A Cloyster , had done well : but , such a feature That might stand vp the Glory of a Kingdome To liue recluse ? is a mere solaecisme , Though in a Nunnery . It must not be . I muse , my Lord your Brother will permit it : You should spend halfe my Land first , were I hee . Dos not this Diamant better , on my finger , Then i' the quarry ? DOL. Yes . MAM. Why you are like it . You were created , Lady , for light . Heare , You shall weare it ; take it , the first pledge Of what I speake : to binde you , to beleeue me . DOL. In chaines of Adamant ? MAM. Yes , the strongest bands : And take a secret , too . Here , by your side , Doth stand , this hower , the happiest man , of Europe . DOL. You are contented , Sir ? MAM. Nay , in true being : The enuy of Princes , and the feare of States . DOL. Say you so , Sir Epicure ? MAM. Yes , and thou shalt proue it , Daughter of Honor. I haue cast mine eye Vpon thy forme , and I will reare this beauty . Aboue all Stiles . DOL. You meane no treason , Sir ? MAM. No , I will take away that iealousie . I am the Lord , of the Philosophers Stone , And thou the Lady . DOL. How Sir , ha' you that ? MAM. I am the Master of the Maistry . This day , the good Old wretch , here , o' the house Has made it for vs. Now , hee 's at proiection . Thinke therefore , thy first wish , now ; Let me heare it : And it shall raine into thy lap , no shower , But floods of Gold , whole cataracts , a deluge , To get a Nation on thee . DOL. You are pleas'd , Sir , To worke on the ambition of our sexe . MAM. I 'am pleas'd , the Glory of her sexe should know , This nooke , here , of the Friers , is no climate For her , to liue obscurely in , to learne Physick and Surgery , for the Constables wife Of some odde Hundred in Essex ; but come forth , And tast the ayre of Palaces , eate , drinke The toyles of Empricks , and their boasted practise : Tincture of Pearle , and Corall , Gold , and Amber ; Be seene at Feasts , and Triumphs ; haue it ask'd , What Miracle she is ? set all the Eyes Of Court a fire , like a burning Glasse , And worke 'hem into cinders ; when the iewels Of twenty States adorne thee ; and the light Strikes out the Starres ; that , when thy name is mention'd , Queenes may looke pale : and , we , but shewing our loue , Nero's Poppaea may be lost in story . Thus will we haue it . DOL. I could well consent , Sir. But , in a Monarchy , how will this be ? The Prince will soone take notice , and both seize You , and your Stone , it being a wealth vnfit For any priuate subiect MAM. If he knew it . DOL. Your selfe do boast it , Sir. MAM. To thee , my Life . DOL. O , but beware , Sir. You may come to end The remnant of your dayes , in a loth'd prison , By speaking of it . MAM. 'T is no idle feare . Wee 'll therefore goe with all , my Girle , and liue In a free State , where wee will eate our Mullets , Sous'd in high-countrey Wines , sup Phesants egges , And haue our Cockles , boyld in Siluer shells , Our Shrimpes to swim again as when they liu'd , In a rare butter , made of Dolphins milke , Whose creame do's looke like Opalls : And , with these Delicate meates , set our selues high for pleasure ; And take vs downe againe ; and then renew Our youth , and strength , with drinking the Elixir : And so enioy a perpetuitie Of life , and lust . And thou shalt ha' thy Wardrobe , Richer then Natures , still , to change thy selfe , And vary oftner , for thy pride , then shee : Or Act , her wise , and almost-aequall seruant . FAC. Sir , you are too loud . I heare you , euery word , Into the Laboratory : some fitter place , The Garden , or great Chamber aboue . How like you her ? MAM. Excellent , Lungs . There 's for thee . FAC. But , doe you heare ? Good Sir beware , no mention of the Rabbines . MAM. We thinke not on ' hem . FAC. O , it is well , Sir. Subtle — ACT. 4. SCENE . 2. FACE . SVBTLE . KASTRIL . DAME PLIANT . DOst thou not laugh ? SVB. Yes . Are they gone ? FAC. All 's cleare . SVB. The Widdow is come . FAC. And your quarrelling Disciple ? SVB. I. FAC. I must to my Captaine-ship againe , then . SVB. Stay , Bring 'hem in , first . FAC. So I meant . What is she ? A Bony-Bell ? ? SVB. I know not . FAC. We 'll draw lotts , You 'll stand to that ? SVB. What else ? FAC. O , for a suite , To fall now , like a Curtine : Flap . SVB. To th' dore , man. FAC. You 'll ha' the first kisse , 'cause I am not ready . SVB. Yes , and perhaps hit you through both the nostrills . FAC. Who would you speake with ? KAS. Where 's the Captaine ? FAC. Gone , Sir , About some busines . KAS. Gone ? FAC. Hee 'l returne straight . But Mr. Doctor , his Lieutenant , is here . SVB. Come nere , my Worshipfull Boy , my Terr● Fili , That is , my Boy of Land ; Make thy approches : Welcome , I know thy lusts , and thy desires , And I will serue , and satisfie ' hem . Beginne . Charge me from thence , or thence , or in this line ; Here is my Center : Ground thy Quarrell . KAS. You lie . SVB. How , Child of wrath , and anger ! The loud lie ? For what , my so daine Boy ? KAS. Nay , that looke you too ; I am afore-hand . SVB. O , this 's no true Grammar , And as ill Logick . You must render causes , Child , Your first , and second Intentions , know your Canons , And your Diuisions , Moodes , Degrees , and Differences , Your Praedicaments , Substance , and Accident , Series externe , and interne , with their causes Efficient , 〈◊〉 , formall , finall , And ha' your el●ments perfect . KAS. What is this The angry tongue he talkes in ? SVB. That false praecept , Of being aforehand , has deceiu'd a number ; And made 'hem enter Quarrells , oftentimes , Before they were aware : and afterward . Against their w●lls . KAS. How must I doe then , Sir ? SVB. I cry this Lady mercy . She should , first , Haue been saluted . I doe call you Lady , Because you are to be one , ere 't be long , My soft , and buxome Widdow . KAS. Is she , i-faith ? SVB. Yes , or my art is an egregio is liar . KAS. How know you ? SVB. By inspection , on her forehead ; An● subtiltie of her lip , which must be tasted Often , to make a ●udgement 'Slight , she melts Like a Myrobalane ! Here is , yet , a line In 〈◊〉 frontis , tels me , he is no Knight . PLI. What is he then , Sir ? SVB. Let me see your Hand . O , your Linea F●rtunae makes it plaine ; And 〈◊〉 , here , in Monte veneris : But , most of all , I●ctura annularis . He is a Souldier , or a Man of Art , Lady : But shall haue some great honour , shortly . PLI. Brother , He 's a rare man , beleeue me . KAS. Hold your peace . Here comes the tother rare man. ' Saue you Captayne . FAC Good Mr. Kastril . Is this your Sister ? KAS. I Sir. Please you to kusse her , and be proud to know her ? FAC. I shall be proud to know you , Lady . PLI. Brother , He calls me Lady , too . KAS. I , peace . I , heard it . FAC The Count is come . SVB. Where is he ? FAC. At the dore . SVB. Why , you must entertaine him . FAC. What●ll you doe With these the while ? SVB. Why haue 'hem vp , and shew'hem Some Fustian Booke , or the Darke Glasse . FAC. 'Fore God , She is a delicate Dab chick ! I must haue her . SVB. Must , you ? I , if your fortune will , you must . Come Sir , the Captaine will come to vs presently . I 'll ha'you to my Chamber of Demonstrations , Where I 'll shew you both the Grammar , and Logick , And 〈◊〉 of Quarrelling , my whole method , Drawne out in Tables , and my Instrument , That hath the seuerall Sca●e vpon 't , shall make you Able to quarrell , at a strawes breadth , by Moone-light . And , Lady , I 'll haue you looke in a Glasse , Some halfe an hower , but to cleare your eye-sight , Against you see your Fortune , which is greater , Then I may iudge vpon the sodaine , trust mee . ACT. 4. SCENE . 3. FACE . SVBTLE . SVRLY . VVHere are you , Doctor ? SVB. I 'll come to you presently . FAC. I will ha' this same Widdow , now I ha' seene her , On any composition . SVB. . What doe you say ? FAC. Ha' you dispos'd of them ? SVB. I ha' sent 'hem vp . FAC Subtle , in troth . I needs must haue this Widdow . SVB. Is that the matter ? FAC. Nay , but heare me . SVB. Goe to If you rebell once , Dol shall know it all . Therefore , be quiet , and obey your chance . FAC. Nay , thou a●t so violent now . Do but conceiue , Thou art old , and canst not serue — SVB. Who , cannot I ? 'Sblood , I will serue her with thee , for a — FAC. Nay , But vnderstand : I 'll giue you composition . SVB. I will not treat with thee : what , sell my Fortune ? 'T is better then my Birth-right . Doe not murmure . Winne her , and carry her . If you grumble , Dol Knowes it directly . FAC. Well Sir , I am silent . Will you goe help , to fetch in Don , in state ? SVB. I follow you Sir , we must keepe Face in awe , Or he will ouer-looke vs like a Tyranne . Braine of a Taylor ! Who comes here ? Don Ion● SVR. Sennores , beso las manos , à vuestras mercedes . SVB. Would you had stoup'd a little , and kist our an●s . FAC. Peace Subtle . SVB. Stab me ; I shall neuer hold , man. He lookes in that deepe Ruffe , like a Head in a platter , Seru'd in by a short Cloke vpon two tressils . FAC. Or , what doe you say to a Collar of Brawne , cut downe Beneath the Souse , and wriggled with a knife ? SVB. ' Slud , he do's looke too fat to be a Spaniard . FAC. Perhaps some Fleming , or some Hollander got him In D'alua's time : Count Egmonts Bastard . SVB. Don , Your sciruy , yellow Madril face is welcome . SVR. Gratia. SVB. He speakes , out of a Fortification . 'Pray God , He ha' no squibs in those deepe sets . SVR. Por dios , Sennores , muy linda Casa ! SVB. What sayes he ? FAC. Praises the house , I thinke , I know no more But 's action . SVB. Yes , the Casa , My precious Diego , will proue fayre inough , To cossen you in . Doe you marke ? you shall Be cossened , Diego . FAC. Cossened , doe you see ? My worthy Donzel , Cossened . SVR. Ent●endo . SVB. Do you intend it ? So doe we deare Don. Haue you brought Pistolets ? or Portagues ? My solemne D●n ? Dost thou feele any ? FAC. Full. SVB. You shall be emptied , Don ; pumped , and drawne , Dry , as they say . FAC. Milked , in troth , sweet Don. SVB. See all the Monsters ; the great Lion of all , Don. SVR. Con licencia , se puede ver à esta Sennorà ? SVB. What talkes he now ? FAC. O' the Sennora . SVB. O , Don , That is the Lionesse , which you shall see Also● my Don. FAC. 'Slid , Subtle , how shall we doe ? SVB. For what ? FAC. Why , Dol's employ'd , you know . SVB. That 's true . 'Fore heau'n I know not : He must stay , that 's all . FAC. Stay ? That he must not , by no meanes . SVB. No , Why ? FAC. Vnlesse you 'll marre all . 'Slight , Hee'li suspect it . And then he will not pay , not halfe so well . This is a trauell'd Punque-Master , and do's know All the delayes : a notable hot Raskall , And lookes , already , Rampant . SVB. S'death , and Mammon Must not be troubled . FAC. Mamm●n , in no case ! SVB. What shall we do then ? FAC Thinke : you must be sodaine . SVR. Entiendo , que la Sennora es tan her mosa , q● 〈◊〉 tan à ver la , como la bien 〈◊〉 de mi vida , FAC. Mi vida ? 'Slid , Sub●le , he puts me in mind o' the Widdow . What dost thou say to draw her 〈◊〉 Ha ? And tell her , it is her Fortune . All our venter Now lies vpon 't . It is but one man more . Which on 's chance to haue her . And beside , There is no Maiden head , to be fear'd , or lost . What dost thou thinke on 't , 〈◊〉 ? SVB. Who I ? Why — FAC. The Credit of our house 〈◊〉 is engag'd . SVB. You made me an offer for my share e're while . What wilt thou g● 〈◊〉 ? FAC. O , by that light , I le not buy now . You know your doome to me . E'en take your lot , obey your chance , Sir ; winne her , And weare her , out for me . SVB. ' Slight . I 'll not work her then . FAC. It is the common cause , therefore bethinke you . Dol else must know it , as you said . SVB. I care not . SVR. 〈◊〉 , p●r que se tàrdatànta ? SVB. Faith , I am not fit , I am old . FAC. That 's now no reason , Sir. SVR. Puede , ser , de haz●r burla de miamor . FAC. You heare the Don , too ? By this ayre , I call , And loose the hinges . ●ol . SVB. A plague of Hell — FAC. Will you then doe ? SVB. Yo' are a terrible Rogue , I le thinke of this : will you , Sir , call the Widdow ? FAC. Yes And ●le take her ●oo , with all her faults , Now , I doe thinke on 't better . SVB. With all my heart , Sir. Am I discharg'd o' the lot . FAC. As you please . SVB. Hands . FAC. Remember , now , that , vpon any change , You neuer claime her . SVB. Much good ioy , and health to'you Sir. Marry a Whore ? Fate , let me wed a Witch , first . SVR. Por estas 〈◊〉 barbas . SVB. He sweares by his beard . Dispatch , and call the Brother too . SVR. Tiengo dùd● , Sennores , Que no me hágan algunatraycion . SVB. How , Issue on ? Yes , praesto Sennor . Please you Entratha the 〈◊〉 , worthy Don ; Where if it please the F●tes , in your B●thada , You shall be ●ok'd , and strok'd , and tub'd , and rub'd , And scrub'd , and fub'd , deare Don , before you goe . You shall in faith , my sciruie Babion Don ; Be curried , claw'd , and flaw'd , and taw'd , indeed . I will the heartilier goe about it now , And make the Widdow a Punke , so much the sooner , To be reueng'd on this impetuous Face : The quickly doing of it is the grace . ACT. 4. SCENE . 4. FACE . KASTRIL . Da : PLIANT . SVBTLE . SVRLY . COme Lady : I knew , the Doctor would not leaue , Till he had found the very nick of her fortune . KAS. To be a Countesse say you ? FAC. A Spanish Countesse , Sir. PLI. Why ? is that better then an English Countesse ? FAC. Better ? 'Slight , make you that a question , Lady ? KAS. Nay , she is a foole , Captaine , you must pardon her . FAC. Aske from your Courtier , to your Innes of Court-man , To your mere Millaner ; They will tell you all Your Spanish Iennet is the best Horse . Your Spanish Stoupe is the best Garbe . Your Spanish Beard Is the best Cut. Your Spanish Ruff●s are the best Weare . Your Span 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the best Daunce . Your Spanish 〈◊〉 in a Gloue The best Perfume . And , for your Spanish Pike , And Spanish Blade , let your poore Captaine speake . Here comes the Doctor . SVB. My most honor'd Lady , For so I am now to stile you , hauing found By this my scheme , you are to vndergoe An honourable fortune , very shortly . What will you say now , if some — FAC. I ha ' told her all , Sir. And her right worshipfull Brother , here , that she shall be A Countesse : doe not delay 'hem Sir. A Spanish Countesse . SVB. Still , my scarse Worshipfull Captaine , you can keepe No secret . Well , since he has told you , Madam , Doe you forgiue him , and I doe KAS. She shall doe that , Sir. I 'le looke to 't , 't is my charge SVB. Well then . Nought rests But that she fit her Loue , now , to her fortune . PLI. Truely , I shall neuer brooke a 〈◊〉 . SVB. No ? PLI Neuer , sin eighty e●t could I abide'hem . And that was some three yeare afore I was borne in truth . SVB. Come , you must loue him , or be miserable : Choose , which you will. FAC. By this good rush , perswade her , She will cry Straw-berrie else , within this twelue-month . SVB. Nay , Shads , and Mackr●ll , which is worse . FAC. Indeed , Sir ? KAS. Gods lid . you shall loue him , or I le kick you . PLI. Why ? I le doe as you will ha' me , Brother . KAS. Doe , Or by this hand I 'll maull you . FAC. Nay good Sir. Be not so fierce . SVB. No my enraged Child , She will be rul'd . What when she comes to tast The pleasures of a Countesse , to be courted — FAC. And kist , and ruffled — SVB. I , behind the hangings . FAC. And then come forth in pompe — SVB. And know her State — FAC. Of keeping all th' Idolaters o' the Chamber Barer to her , then at their prayers — SVB. Is seru'd Vpon the knee — FAC. And has her Pages , Huishers . Footmen , & Coaches — SVB. Her six Mares — FAC. Nay eight — SVB. To hurry her through London , to th' Exchange , Bet'lem , the China-Houses — FAC. Yes , and haue The Citizens gape at her , and praise her Tires , And My-Lords Goose turd bands , that rides with her . KAS. Most braue ! By this hand , you are not my Suster , If you refuse . PLI. I will not refuse , Brother . SVR. Que es èsto Se●ores , que non seve●ga ? Esta tardanza me mata ! FAC. It is the Count come . The Doctor knew he would be here , by his Art. SVB. En Gallanta Madama , Don ! Gallantissima ! SVR. Por todos los dioses , la mas acabada Hermosùra , que he visto en mivìda ! FAC. Is 't not a gallant language that they speake ? KAS. An admirable language ! Is 't not French ? FAC. No Spanish , Sir. KAS. It goes like Law-French , And that , they say , is the Court-liest language . FAC. List Sir. SVR. El Solha perdido su lumbre , con el Resplandor , que tràe esta dama. Valga me dio● ! FAC. He ' admires your Sister . KAS. Must not she make curtsy ? SVB. ' Ods will , she must goe to him , Man ; and kisse him : It is the Spanish fashion , for the women To make first court . FAC. 'T is true he tels you , Sir : His Art knowes all . SVR. Por que no se acùde ? KAS. He speakes to her , I thinke ? FAC. That he do's Sir. SVR. Por el amor de dios , que es esto , que se tàrda ? KAS. Nay , see : she will notvnderstand him . Gull. Noddy . PLI. What say you Brother ? KAS. Asse , my Suster , Goe kusse him , as the Cunning man would ha' you . I 'll thrust a pinne i' your buttocks else . FAC. O , no Sir. SVR. Sennora mia , mi persona muy indignaesta Alle gar àtànta Hermosura . FAC. Dos he not vse her brauely ? KAS. Brauely , i-faith ! FAC. Nay he will vse her better . KAS. Doe you thinke so ? SVR. Sennora , si sera seruida , entremus . KAS. Where do's he carry her ? FAC. Into the Garden , Sir , Take you no thought , I must interpret for her . SVB. Giue Dol the word . Come my fierce Child . Aduance , Wee 'll to our quarrelling Lesson againe . KAS. Agreed . I loue a Spanish Boy , with all my heart . SVB. Nay , and by this meanes , Sir , You shall be Brother To a great Count. KAS. I , I knew that , at first . This match will aduance the House of the Kastrils . SVB. 'Pray God your Sister proue but pliant . KAS. Why , Her name is so , by her other Husband . SVB. How ! KAS. The Widdow Pliant . Knew you not that ? SVB. No faith Sir. Yet by erection of her Figure , I gest it . Come , let 's goe practise . KAS. Yes , but doe you thinke , Doctor . I e'er shall quarrell well ? SVB. I warrant you . ACT. 4. SCENE . 5. DOL. MAMMON . FACE . SVBTLE . FOr after Alexanders death — MAM. Good Lady — DOL. That Perdiccas and Antigonus were slaine , The two that stood , Seleuc ' , and Ptolomee — MAM. Madame . DOL. Made vp the two legs , and the fourth Beast . That was Gog-North , and Egypt-South : which after Was call'd Gog Iron-leg , and South Iron-leg — MAM. Lady — DOL. And then Gog-horned . So was Aegypt , too ; Then Aegypt Clay-leg , and Gog Clay-leg — MAM. Sweet Madame . DOL. And last Gog-Dust , and Aegypt-Dust : which fall In the last linke of the fourth Chaine . And these Be Starres in Story , which none see , or looke at — MAM. What shall I doe ? DOL. For , as he sayes , except We call the Rabbines , and the Heathen Greekes — MAM. Deare Lady . DOL. To come from Salem , & from Athens , And teach the people of great Britaine — FAC. What 's the matter , Sir ? DOL. To speake the tongue of Eber , and Iauan — MAM. O , Sh 'is in her fit . DOL. We shall know nothing — FAC. Death , Sir , We are vndone . DOL. Where , then , a learned Linguist Shall see the antient vs'd communion Of Vowels , and Consonants — FAC. My Master will heare ! DOL. A Wisedome , which Pythagoras held most high — MAM. Sweet honorable Lady . DOL. To comprise All sounds of voices , in few markes of Letters — FAC. Nay you must neuer hope to lay her now . DOL. And so we may arriue by Talmud skill , And profane Greeke , to raise the building vp Of Helens house , against the Ismaelite , King of Thogarma , and his Habergions Brimstony , blew , and firy ; and the force Of King Abaddon , & the Beast of Cittim : Which Rabbi Dauid Kimchi , Onkelos , And Aben-Ezra doe interpret Rome . FAC. How did you put her into 't ? MAM. Alasse Of a fift Monarchy I would erect , Which the Philosophers stone ( ●y chance ) And Falls on the other foure straight . FAC. Out of 〈◊〉 I told you so . 'Slid stop her mouth . MAM Is 't FAC. She 'll neuer leaue else . If the old man hea VVe are but foeces , Ashes . SVB. VVhat 's to doe FAC. O , we are lost . Now she heares him , she 〈◊〉 MAM. Where shall I hide me ? SVB. How ! What sight is here ? Close deedes of Darknesse , and that shunne the light ! Bring him againe . Who is he ? What , my Sonne ? O , I haue liu'd too long . MAM. Nay good , deare Father , There was no'vnchast purpose . SVB. Not , and flee me , When I come in ? MAM. That was my Error . SVB. Error ? Guilt , guilt , my Sonne . Giue it the right Name . No maruaile , If I found check in our great Worke within , When such affayres as these were managing . MAM. Why , haue you so ? SVB. It has gone back this halfe houre : And all the rest of our lesse Workes stand still . Where is the Instrument of wickednesse , My lewd false Drudge ? MAM. Nay good Sir blame not him . Beleeue me , 't was against his Will , or Knowledge . I saw her by chance . SVB. Will you commit more sinne , T' excuse a Varlet ? MAM. By my hope , 't is true Sir. SVB Nay , then I wonder lesse , if you , for whom The blessing was prepar'd , would so tempt heauen : And loose your fortunes . MAM. Why Sir ? SVB. This will hinder The Worke , a Month at least . MAM. Why , if it doe , What remedie ? but thinke it not , good Father : Our purposes were honest . SVB. As they were , So the reward will proue . How now ! Aye me . God , and all Saints be good to vs. What 's that ? FAC. O Sir , we are defeated : all the Workes Are flowne in fumo . Euery Glasse is burst . Fornace , and all rent downe : as if a Bolt Of thunder had beene dri●en through the house . Retorts , Receiuers , Pellicanes , Bolt-heads , All strooke in shiuers . Help good Sir. Alasse , Coldnesse , and Death inuades him . Nay , Sir Mammon , Do the fayre offices of a man. You stand , As you were readier to depart , then he . Who 's there ? My Lord her Brother is come . MAM. Ha , Lungs ? FAC. His Coach is at the dore . Auoid his sight , For hee 's as furious , as his Sister is mad . MAM. Alasse ! FAC. My braine is quite vndone with the fume , Sir , I ne'er must hope to be mine owne man againe . MAM. Is all lost , Lungs ? Will nothing be preseru'd , Of all our cost ? FAC. Faith , very little , Sir. A peck of coales , or so , which is cold comfort , Sir. MAM. O my voluptuous minde ! I am iustly punish'd . FAC. And so am I , Sir. MAM. Cast from all my hopes — FAC. Nay , certainties Sir. MAM. By mine owne base affections . SVB. O the curst fruits of vice , and lust ! MAM. Good Father , It was my sinne . Forgiue it . SVB. Hangs my roofe Ouer vs still , and will not fall , O Iustice , Vpon vs , for this wicked man ! FAC. Nay , looke , Sir , You grieue him , now , with staying in his sight : Good Sir , the Noble man will come too , and take you , And that may breed a Tragedy . MAM. I 'll goe . FAC. I , and repent at home , Sir. It may be , For some good penance , you may ha' it , yet A hundred pound to the Boxe at Bet'lem . MAM. Yes . FAC. For the restoring such as ha' their wits . MAM. I 'll do 't . FAC. I le send one to you to receiue it . MAM. Doe . Is no Proiection left ? FAC. All flowne , or stinkes , Sir. MAM. Wil naught be sau'd , that 's good for med'cine , thinkst tho● ? FAC. I cannot tell Sir. There will be , perhaps , Something , about the scraping of the Shardes , Will cure the Itch , though not your itch of minde , Sir. It shall be sau'd for you , and sent home . Good Sir , This way , for feare the Lord should meet you . SVB. Face . FAC. I. SVB. Is he gone ? FAC. Yes , and as heauily As all the Gold he hop'd for , were in his bloud . Let vs be light , though . SVB. I , as Balls , and bound And hit our heads against the roofe for ioy . There 's so much of our care now cast away . FAC. Now to our Don. SVB. Yes , your yong Widdow , by this time Is made a Countesse , Face : Sh' has beene in trauaile Of a yong Heyre for you . FAC. Good , Sir. SVB. Off with your case , And greet her kindly , as a Bridegroome should . After these common hazards . FAC. Very well , Sir. Will you goe fetch Don Diego off the while ? SVB. And fetch him ouer too , if you 'll be pleas'd Sir : Would Dol were , in her place , to pick his pockets now . FAC. Why you can do it as well , if you would set to 't . I pray you proue your vertue . SVB. For your sake , Sir. ACT. 4. SCENE . 6. SVRLY . Da : PLIANT . SVBTLE . FACE . LAdy , you see into what hands , you are falne ; Mongst what a Nest of villaines ! and how neare Your honor was t' haue catch'd a certaine clap ( Through your credulitie ) had I but beene So punctually forward , as Place . Time , And other circumstance would ha' made a man. For yo' are a handsome woman : would yo' were wise , too . I am a Gentleman , come here disguis'd , Onely to finde the Knaueries of this Citadell , And where I might haue wrong'd your honor , and haue not , I claime some interest in your loue . You are , They say , a Widdow , rich : and I am a Bateheler , Worth naught . Your fortunes may make me a man , As mine ha' preseru'd you a woman . Thinke vpon it , And whether , I haue deseru'd you , or no. PLI. I will , Sir. SVR. And for these Houshold-Rogues , let me alone . To treat with them . SVB. How doth my noble Diego ? And my deare Madame , Countesse ? Hath the Count Beene courteous , Lady ? liberall ? and open ? Donzell , me thinkes you looke melancholike , After your Coitum , and scuruy ! True-ly , I doe not like the dulnesse of your eye : It hath a heauy cast , 't is vpsee Dutch , And say's you are a lumpish Whore-master . Be lighter , I will make your pockets so . SVR. Will you , Don Baud , and Pick-purse ? How now ? Reele you ? Stand vp Sir , you shall finde since I am so heauy , I 'll gi' you aequall weight . SVB. Help , Murder . SVR. No Sir. There 's no such thing intended . A good Cart , And a cleane Whip shall ease you of that feare . I am the Spanish Don , that should be cossened , Doe you see ? cossened . Where 's your Captaine Face ? That parcell-Broker , and whole-Baud , all Raskall . FAC. How , Surly ! SVR. O , make your approach , good Captaine . I'haue found , from whence your Copper Rings , and Spoones Come now , wherewith you cheate abroad in Tauernes . 'T was here , you learn'd t' annoint your boote with Brimstone , Then rub mens Gold on 't , for a kinde of touch , And say 't was naught , when you had chang'd the colour , That you might ha 't for nothing . And this Doctor , Your sooty , smoaky-bearded Compeere , He Will close you so much Gold , in a Bolts-head , And , on a turne , conuay ( i' the stead ) another With sublim'd Mercury , that shall burst i'●he heate , And flye out all in fumo . Then weepes Mammon . Then swounes his Worship . Or he is the Faustus , That casteth figures , and can coniure , cures Plague , Piles , and Poxe , by the Ephemerides , And holds intelligence , with all the Baudes , And Midwiues of three Shires . While you send in — Captaine , ( what is he gone ? ) Dam'sells with child , Wiues , that are barren , or , the waiting-Maide With the Greene-sicknesse . Nay Sir , you must tarry Though he be scap't ; and answere , by the eares , Sir. ACT. 4. SCENE . 7. FACE . KASTRIL . SVRLY , SVBTLE . DRVGGER . ANANIAS . Da : PLIANT . DOL. VVHy , now 's the time , if euer you will quarrell Well ( as they say ) and be a true-borne Child . The Doctor , and your Sister both are abus'd . KAS. Where is he ? Which is he ? He is a Slaue What ere he is , and the Sonne of a Whore. Are you The Man , Sir , I would know ? SVR. I should be loth , Sir , To confesse so much . KAS. Then you lie , i' your throte . SVR. How ? FAC. A very errant Rogue , Sir , and a Cheater , Employd here , by another Coniurer , That dos not loue the Doctor , and would crosse him If he knew how — SVR. Sir you are abus'd . KAS. You lie , And 't is no matter . FAC. Well said , Sir. He is The impudent'st Raskall — SVR. You are indeed . Will you heare me , Sir ? FAC. By no meanes . Bid him be gone . KAS. Be gone Sir , quickly . SVR. This 's strange ! Lady , doe you informe your Brother . FAC. There is not such a Foyst , in all the towne , The Doctor had him , presently : And findes , yet , The Spanish Count will come , here . Beare vp , Subtle . SVB. Yes Sir , he must appeare , within this hower . FAC. And yet this Rogue , would come , in a disguise , By the temptation of another Spirit , To trouble our Art , though he could not hurt it . KAS. I , I know — Away , you talke like a foolish Mauther . SVR. Sir , all is truth , she says . FAC. Doe not beleeue him , Sir : He is the lying'st Swabber . Come your wayes , Sir. SVR. You are valiant out of Company . KAS. Yes , how then Sir ? FAC. Nay , here 's an honest fellow too , that knowes him , And all his tricks . Make good what I say , Abel , This Cheater would ha' cossen'd thee o' the Widdow . He owes this honest Drugger , here , seuen pound , He has had on him , in two-peny'orths of Tabacco . DRV. Yes Sir. And he hath damn'd himselfe three termes , to pay me . FAC. And what do's he owe for Lotium ? DRV. Thirty shillings , Sir : And for six Syringes . SVR. Hydra of villany ! FAC. Nay , Sir you must quarrell him out o' the house . KAS. I will. Sir , if you get not out o' doores , you lie , And you are a Pimpe . SVR. Why this is madnesse , Sir , Not valure in you : I must laugh at this . KAS. It is my humor : you are a Pimpe , and a Trig , And an Amadis de Gaule , or a Don Quixote . DRV. Or a Knight o' the curious coxcombe . Doe you see ? ANA. Peace to the Houshold . KAS. I le keepe peace , for no man. ANA. Casting of Dollers is concluded lawfull . KAS. Is he the Constable ? SVB. Peace Ananias . FAC. No , Sir. KAS. Then you are an Otter , and a Shad , a Whit , A very Tim. SVR. You 'll heare me Sir ? KAS. I will not . ANA. What is the Motiue . SVB. Zeale , in the yong Gentleman , Against his Spanish slops . ANA. They are profane , Leud , superstitious , and idolatrous Breeches . SVR. New Raskals ! KAS. Will you be gone , Sir ? ANA. Auoid Sathan , Thou art not of the light . That Ruffe of pride , About thy neck , betrayes thee : ' and is the same With that , which the vncleane Birds , in seuenty-seuen , Were seene to pranke it with , on diuers coasts . Thou look'st like Antichrist , in that leud hat . SVR. I must giue way . KAS. Be gone Sir. SVR. But I le take A course with you — ANA. Depart , proud Spanish Fiend . SVR. Captaine , and Doctor . ANA. Child of perdition . KAS. Hence Sir. Did I not quarrell brauely ? FAC. Yes indeed Sir. KAS. Nay and I giue my minde to 't , I shall do 't , FAC. O you must follow Sir , and threaten him tame . Hee 'll turne againe else . KAS. I 'll re-turne him , then . FAC. Drugger , this Rogue preuented vs , for thee : We ' had determin'd , that thou shouldst ha' come , In a Spanish sute , and ha' carried her so ; and he A Brokerly slaue , goes , puts it on himselfe . Hast brought the Damask ? DRV. Yes Sir. FAC. Thou must borrow , A Spanish suite . Hast thou no credit with the Players ? DRV. Yes Sir , did you neuer see me play the Poole ? FAC. I know not Nab. Thou shalt , if I can help it . Hieronimo's old Cloke , Ruffe , and Hat will serue : I le tell thee more , when thou bringst ' hem . ANA. Sir , I know The Spaniard hates the Brethren , and hath Spies Vpon their Actions : And that this was one I make no scruple . But the holy Synode Haue beene in prayer , and meditation , for it . And 't is reueald no lesse , to them , then mee , That casting of Money is most lawfull . SVB. True. But here , I cannot doe it ; if the House Should chance to be suspected , all would out . And we be lock'd vp , in the Tower , for euer , To make Gold there : ( for th' state ) neuer come out . And , then , are you defeated . ANA. I will tell This to the Elders , and the weaker Brethren , That the whole Company of the Separation May ioyne in humble prayer againe , ( SVB. And fasting . ) ANA. Yea , for some fitter place . The Peace of minde Rest with these walles . SVB. Thankes , courteous Ananias . FAC. What did he come for ? SVB. About casting Dollers , Presently , out of hand . And so , I told him , A Spanish Minister came here to spie Against the Faithfull — FAC. I conceiue . Come Subtle , Thou art so downe vpon the least disaster ! How wouldst tho' ha' done , if I had not helpt thee out ? SVB. I thanke thee Face , for the Angry Boy , i. faith . FAC. Who would ha'lookt , it should ha' beene that Raskall ? Surly ? He had dy'd his beard , and all . Well , Sir , Here 's Damask come , to make you a suite . SVB , Where 's Drugger ? FAC. He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habite , I le be the Count , now . SVB. But where 's the Widdow ? FAC. Within , with my Lords Sister : Madame Dol Is entertaining her . SVB. By your fauour , Face , Now she is honest , I will stand againe . FAC. You will not offer it ? SVB. Why ? FAC. Stand to your word , Or — Here comes Dol. She knows — SVB. Yo' are tyrannous still . FAC. Strict for my right . How now , Dol ? Hast'told her , The Spanish Count will come ? DOL. Yes , but another is come , You little look'd for . FAC. Who 's that ? DOL. Your Master : The Master of the House . SVB. How Dol ? FAC. She lies . This is some trick . Come leaue your Quiblins , Dorothee . DOL. Looke out , and see . SVB. Art thou in earnest ? DOL. 'Slight Forty o' the Neighbours are about him , talking . FAC. 'T is he , by this good day . DOL. 'T will proueill day , For some on vs. FAC. We are vndone , and taken . DOL. Lost , I am afraid . SVB. You said he would not come , While there dyed one a Weeke , within the Liberties . FAC. No : 't was within the Walls . SVB. Was 't so ? Cry ' you mercy : I thought the Liberties . What shall we doe now , Face ? FAC. Be silent , not a word , if he call , or knock . I 'll into mine old shape againe , and meet him , Of Ieremie , the Butler . I' the meane time , Doe you two pack vp all the goods , and purchase , That we can carry i' the two trunkes . I 'll keepe him Off for to day , if I cannot longer : And then At night , I le ship you both away to Ratcliffe , Where wee 'll meet to morrow , and then wee 'll share . Let Mammon's Brasse , and Peuter keep the Cellar : Wee 'll haue another time for that . But , Dol , 'Pray thee goe heate a little water , quickly , Subtle must shaue me . All my Captaines beard Must off , to make me appeare smooth Ieremy . You 'll do 't ? SVB. Yes I le shaue you , as well as I can . FAC. And not cut my throte , but trim me ? SVB. You shall see , Sir. ACT. 5. SCENE . 1. LOVE-WIT . NEIGHBOVRS . HAs there beene such resort , say you ? NEI. 1. Daily , Sir. NEI. 2. And nightly , too . NEI. 3. I , some as braue as Lords . NEI. 4. Ladies , & Gentlewomen . NEI. 5. Citizens Wiues . NEI. 1. And Knights . NEI. 6. In Coaches . NEI. 2. Yes and Oyster-women . NEI. 1. Beside other Gallants . NEI. 3. Saylors Wiues . NEI. 4. Tabacco-men . NEI. 5. Another Pimlico . LOV. What should my Knaue aduance , To draw this company ? He hung out no Banners Of a strang● Calfe , with fiue legs , to be seene ? Or a huge Lobstar , with six clawes ? NEI. 6. No Sir. NEI. 3. We had gone in , then , Sir. LOV. He has no guift Of Teaching i' the nose , that ere I knew of ! You saw no Bils set vp , that promis'd cure Of Agues , or the Tooth-ach ? NEI. 2. No such thing , Sir. LOV. Nor heard a Drum strooke , for Babouns , or Puppets ? NEI. 5 Neither Sir. LOV. What deuise should he bring forth now ? I loue a teeming wit , as I loue my nourishment . 'Pray God he ha' not kept such open house , That he hath sold my hangings , and my bedding : I left him nothing else . If he haue eate 'hem , A plague o' the Moath , say I. Sure he has got Some baudy Pictures , to call all this Ging ; The Frier , and the Nun ; or the new M●tion Of the Knights Courser , couering the Parsons Mare ; The Boy of six yeare old , with the great thing : O●'t may be , he has the fleas that runne at ●ilt , Vpon a Table , or some Dog to Daunce ? When saw you him ? N●I . 1. Who Sir , Ieremie ? NEI. 2. Ieremie Butler ? We saw him not , this mont'h . LOV. How ! NEI. 4. Not these fiue weekes , Sir. NEI. These six weekes , at the least . LOV. Yo' amaze me , Neighbours . NEI. 5. Sure , if your Worship know not where he is , Hee 's flipt away . NEI. 6. Pray God , he be not made away . LOV. Ha ? It 's no time to question , then . NEI. 6. About Some three weekes since , I heard a dolefull cry , As I sate vp , a mending my wiues stockings . LOV. This 's strange ! that none will answere ! Didst thou heare A cry , saist thou ? NEI. 6. Yes Sir , like vnto a Man That had beene strangled an hower , and could not speake . NEI. 2. I heard it too , iust this day three weekes , at two a clock Next morning . LOV. These be miracles , or you make 'hem so ! A man an hower strangled , and could not speake , And both you heard him cry ? NEI. 3. Yes , downward , Sir. LOV. Thou art a wise fellow . Giue me thy hand , I pray thee . What trade art thou , on ? NEI. 3. A Smith , and 't please your Worship . LOV. A Smith ? Then , lend me thy help , to get this dore open . NEI. 3. That I will presently , Sir , but fetch my tooles — NEI. 1. Sir. Best to knock againe afore you breake it . ACT. .5 SCENE . 2. LOVE-Wit . FACE . NEIGHBOVRS . I Will. FAC. What meane you Sir ? NEI. 1.2.4 . O , Here 's 〈◊〉 FAC. Good Sir , Come from the dore . Lov. Why ? what 's the matter ? FAC. Yet farder , you are to neare , yet . LOV. I' the name of wonder , What meanes the fellow ? FAC. The House , Sir , has beene visited . LOV. What ? with the Plague ? stand thou thē farder . FAC. No , Sir. I had it not . LOV. Who had it then ? I left None else , but thee , i' the house . FAC. Yes , Sir. My Fellow , The Cat , that kept the Buttry , had it on her A weeke , before I spied it : But I got her Conuay'd away , i' the night . And so I shut The house vp for a Month - LOV. How ! FAC. Purposing thē , Sir. T' haue burnt Rose-vinegar , Triackle , and Tarre , And , ha' made it sweet , that you should ne'er ha'knowne it : Because I knew the Newes would but afflict you , Sir. LOV. Breath lesse , and farder off . Why this is stranger ! The Neighbors tell me all , here , that the Dores Haue still been open . FAC. How Sir ? LOV. Gallants , Men , and Women , And of all sorts , tag-rag , beene seene to flock here In threaues , these ten weekes , as to a second Hogs-den , In dayes of Pimlico , and Eye-bright . FAC. Sir. Their wisedomes will not say so . LOV. To day , they speake Of Coaches , and Gallants ; one in a French-hood , Went in , they tell me : and another was seene In a Veluet Gowne , at the windore . Diuerse more Passe in and out . Fac. They did passe through the dores then , Or walls , I assure their Eyesights , and their Spectacles ; For here , Sir , are the keyes ; and here haue beene , In this my pocket , now , abou● twenty dayes . And for before , I kept the Fort alone , there . But that 't is yet not deepe i' the afternoone , I should beleeue my Neighbours had seene double Through the Black-pot , and made these apparitions : For , on my faith to your Worship , for these three weekes And vpwards , the dore has not beene open'd . LOV. Strange ! NEI. 1. Good faith , I thinke I saw a Coach ! NEI. 2. And I too , I 'lld ha' beene sworne ! LOV. Doe you but thinke it now ? And but one Coach ? NEI. 4. We cannot tell , Sir. leremy Is a very honest fellow . FAC. Did you see me at all ? NEI. 1. No. That we are sure on . NEI. 2. I 'll be sworne o'th at . LOV. Fine Rogues , to haue your testimonies built on ! NEI. 3. Is Ieremy come ? MEI. 1. O yes , you may leaue your tooles , We were deceiu'd he saies . NEI. 2. He has had the keyes , And the dore has bin shut these three weeks . NEI. 3. Like enough . LOV. Peace , and get hence , you Changelings . FAC. Surly come ! And Mammon made acquainted ? They 'll tell all . ( How shall I beate them off ? What shall I doe ? ) Nothing 's more wretched , then a guilty conscience . ACT. 5. SCENE . 3. SVRLY . MAMMON . LOVE-Wit . FACE . NEIGHBOVRS . KASTRIL . ANA. TRIBVLATION . DAPPER . SVBTLE . NO Sir , He was a great Phisitian . This , It was no Baudy-house : But a meere Chancell . You knew the Lord , and his Sister . MAM. Nay good Surly — SVR. The happy word , Be rich — MAM. Play not the Tyranne — SVR. Should be to day pronounc'd , to all your friends . And where be your Andirons now ? And your Brasse Pots ? That should ha' beene Golden Flaggons , and great Wedges ? MAM. Let me but breath . What! They ha'shut their dores , Me thinkes . SVR. I , now , 't is Holyday with them . MAM. Rogues , Coseners , Impostors , Baudes . FAC. What meane you , Sir ? MAM. To enter if we can . FAC. Another mans house ? Here is the Owner , Sir. Turne you to him , And speake your businesse . MAM. Are you , Sir , the Owner ? LOV. Yes , Sir. MAM. And are those Knaues , within , your Cheaters ? LOV. What Knaues ? What Cheaters ? MAM. Subtle , & his Lungs . FAC. The Gentleman is distracted , Sir. No Lungs Nor Lights ha' beene seene here these three weekes , Sir , Within these dores , vpon my word . SVR. Your word , Groome arrogant ? FAC. Yes Sir , I am the House-keeper , And know the keyes ha' not beene out o' my hands . SVR. This 's a new Face ! FAC. You doe mistake the house , Sir. What signe was 't at ? SVR. You Raskall . This is one O' the Confederacie . Come let 's get Officers ! And force the dore . LOV. 'Pray you stay , Gentlemen . SVR. No , Sir , wee 'll come with warrant . MAM I , and then , We shall ha'your dores open . LOV. What meanes this ? FAC. I cannot tell Sir. NEI. 1. These are two o' the Gallants , That we doe thinke we saw . FAC. Two o' the Fooles ? You talke as idly as they . Good faith , Sir , I thinke the Moone has cras'd 'hem all . ( O me , The angry Boy come too ? Hee 'll make a noyse And nere away till he haue betrayed vs all . ) KAS. What Rogues , Baudes , Slaues , you 'il open the dore anone . Punque , Cocatrice , my Suster . By this light I 'll fetch the Marshall to you . You are a Whore , To keepe your Castle . FAC. Who would you speake with , Sir ? KAS. The baudy Doctor , and the Cosening Captaine , And Pus my Suster . LOV. This is something , sure ! FAC. Vpon my trust , the dores were neuer open , Sir. KAS. I haue heard all their tricks , told me twice ouer , By the fat Knight , and the leane Gentleman . LOV. Here comes another . FAC. Ananias too ? And his Pastor ? TRI. The dores are shut against vs. ANA. Come forth , you Seed of Vipers , Sonnes of Belial , Your wickednesse is broke forth : Abhomination Is in the House . KAS. My Suster 's there . ANA. The place , It is become a Cage of vncleane birds . KAS. I , I will fetch the Scauenger , and the Cunstable . TRI. You shall doe well . ANA. Wee 'll ioyne , to weede them out . KAS. You will not come then ? Punque , Deuise , my Suster ? ANA. Call her not Sister . She is a Harlot , verily . KAS. I 'll raise the street . LOV. Good Gentlemen , a word . ANA. Sathan , auoide , and hinder not our zeale . LOV. The world 's turn'd Bet'lem . FAC. These are all broke loose , Out of S. Katherines , where they vse to keepe , The better sort of Mad-folkes . NEI. 1. All these Persons We saw goe in , and out here . NEI. 2. Yes , indeed Sir. NEI. 3. These were the Parties . FAC. Peace , you Drunkards . Sir , I wonder at it ! Please you , to giue me leaue To touch the dore , I 'll try and the Lock be chang'd . LOV. It mazes me ! FAC. Good faith , Sir , I beleeue , There 's no such thing . 'T is all Deceptio visus . Would I could get him away . DAP. Mr. Captaine . Mr. Doctor . LOV. Who 's that ? FAC. ( Our Clearke within , that I forgot ) I know not , Sir. DAP. For Gods sake , when will her Grace be at leasure ? FAC. Ha! Illusions , some spirit o' the ayre : ( His gag is melted , And now he sets out the throte . ) DAP. I am almost stifled — ( FAC. Would you were altogether . ) LOV. 'T is i' the house . Ha! List. FAC. Beleeue it Sir , i' the ayre . LOV. Peace , you — DAP. Mine Aunts Grace dos not vse me well . SVB. You Foole , Peace , you 'll marre all . FAC. Or you will else , you Rogue . LOV. O , is it so ? Then you conuerse with spirits . Come Sir. No more o' your tricks , good leremy , The truth , the shortest way . FAC. Dismisse this rabble , Sir. What shall I doe ? I am catch'd . LOV. Good Neighbours , I thanke you all . You may depart . Come Sir , You know that I am an indulgent Master : And therefore conceale nothing . What 's your med'cine , To draw so many seuerall sorts of wild-foule ? FAC. Sir , you were wont to affect mirth , and wit. But here 's no place to talke on 't i' the street . Giue me but leaue , to make the best of my fortune , And onely pardon me th' abuse of your House . It 's all I begge . I 'll help you to a Widdow , In recompence , that you shall gi'me thankes for , Will make you seauen yeeres yonger , and a rich one . 'T is but your putting on a Spanish Cloake , I haue her within . You neede not feare the House , It was not visited . LOV. But by me , who came Sooner then you expected . FAC. It is true , Sir. Pray you forgiue me . LOV. Well : Let 's see your Widdow . ACT. 5. SCENE . 4. SVBTLE . DAPPER . FACE . DOL. HOw ! ha' you eaten your gag ? DAP. Yes faith , it crumbled Away i' my mouth . SVB. You ha' spoil'd all then . DAP. No , I hope my Aunt of Faery will forgiue me . SVB. Your Aunt 's a gracious Lady , but intruth You were to blame . DAP. The fume did ouercome me , And I did do 't to stay my stomack . 'Pray you So satisfie her Grace . Here comes the Captaine . FAC. How now ! Is his mouth downe ? SVB. I , he has spoken ! FAC. ( A poxe , I heard him , and you too . ) Hee 's vndone , then . I haue beene faine to say , the House is haunted With Spirits , to keepe Churle back . SVB. And hast thou done it ? FAC. Sure , for this night . SVB. Why then triumph , and sing Of Face so famous , the precious King Of present wits . FAC. Did you not heare the coyle , About the dore ? SVB. Yes , and I dwindled with it . FAC. Shew him his Aunt , and let him be dispatch'd : I 'll send her to you . SVB. Well Sir , your Aunt her Grace , Will giue you audience presently , on my sute , And the Captaines word , that you did not eate your gag , In any contempt of her Highnesse . DAP. Not I , in troth , Sir. SVB. Here she is come . Downe o' your knees , and wriggle : She has a stately presence . Good. Yet nearer , And bid God saue her . DAP. Madame . SVB. And your Aunt . DAP. And my most Gracious Aunt , God saue your Grace . DOL. Nephew , we thought to haue been angry , with you ; But that sweet face of yours , hath turn'd the tide , And made it flow with Ioy , that eb'd of Loue. Arise , and touch our veluet Gowne . SVB. The Skirts , And kisse'hem . So. DOL. Let me now stroke that head . Much , Nephew , shalt thou winne ; much shalt thou spend ; Much shalt thou giue away , much shalt thou Lend . SVB. I , much indeede . Why doe you not thanke her Grace ? DAP. I cannot speake , for Ioy. SVB. See , the kinde wretch ! Your Graces kins-man right . DOL. Giue me the Bird. Here is your Flye in a Purse , about your neck , Cosen , Weare it , and feede it , about this day seu ' night , On your right wrist . SVB. Open a veyne , with a Pinne , And let it suck but once a weeke . Till then , You must not looke on 't . DOL. No. And Kinsman , Beare your selfe worthy of the blood you come on . SVB. Her Grace would ha' you eate no more Wool-sack pies , Nor Dagger Frumenty . DOL. Nor breake his fast , In Heauen , and Hell. SVB. Shee 's with you euery where . Nor play with Coster-mongers at Mum-chance , Tray-trip , God make you rich ( when as your Aunt has done it : ) but keepe The Gallant'st company , and the best Games . DAP. Yes , Sir. SVB. Gleeke and Primero ; and what you get be true to vs. DAP. By this hand , I will. SVB. You may bring 's a Thousand pound , Before to morrow night , ( if but three Thousand Be stirring ) if you will. DAP. I sweare , I will then . SVB. Your Fly will learne you all Games . FAC. Ha'you done there ? SVB. Your Grace will command him no more duties ? DOL. No : But come , and see me often . I may chance To leaue him three or foure hundred Chests of Treasure , And some fiue thousand Acres of Faerie Land : If he Game well , and comely , with good Gamsters . SVB. There 's a kinde Aunt ! Kisse her departing part . But you must sell your forty marke a yeare , now . DAP. I , Sir , I meane . SVB. Or gi 't away . A poxe on 't . FAC. I le gi 't mine Aunt . I le goe and fetch the writings . SVB. 'T is well , away . FAC. Where 's Subtle ? SVB. Here. What newes ? FAC. Drugger is at the dore , goe take his suite , And bid him fetch a Parson presently . Say he shall marry the Widdow . Thou shalt spend A hundred pound by the seruice . Now , Queene Dol , Ha' you pack'd vp all ? DOL. Yes . FAC. And how doe you like The Lady Plyant ? DOL. A good dull Innocent . SVB. Here 's your Hieronimo's cloake , and hat . FAC. Giue me ' hem . SVB. And the Ruffe too ? FAC. Yes , I 'll come to you presently . SVB. Now , he is gone about his proiect , Dol , I told you of , for the Widdow . DOL. 'T is direct Against our Articles . SVB. Well , wee 'll fit him , Wench . Hast thou gull'd her of her Iewels , or her Bracelets ? DOL. No , but I will do 't . SVB. Soone at night , my D●lly , When we are shipt , and all our goods aboord , East-ward for Ratcliffe , we will turne our course To Brainford , Westward , if thou saist the word , And take our leaues of this ore-weening Raskall , This peremptory Face . DOL. Content . I 'am weary of him , SVB. Thou'hast cause , when the Slaue will runne a wiuing , Dol , Against the instrument , that was drawne betweene vs. DOL. I 'll pluck his Bird as bare as I can . SVB. Yes , tell her , She must by any meanes , addresse some present To th'Cunning man , make him amends for wronging His Art with her suspition , send a Ring , Or chaine of Pearle , she will be tortur'd else Extreamely in her sleepe , say , and ha' strange things Come to her , wilt thou ? DOL. Yes . SVB. My fine Flitter-mouse , My Bird o' the night ; wee 'll tickle it at the Pigeons , When we haue all , and may vnlock the Trunks , And say , this 's mine , and thine , and thine , and mine — FAC. What now , a billing ? SVB. Yes , a little exalted In the good passage of our Stock-affaires . FAC. Drugger has brought his Parson , take him in , Subtle , And send him back againe , to wash his face . SVB. I will : and shaue himselfe ? FAC. If you can get him . DOL. You are hote vpon it Face , what ere it is . FAC. A trick , that Dol shall spend ten pound a month by . Is he gone ? SVB. The Chaplaine waites you i' the hall , Sir. FAC. I 'll goe bestow him . DOL. Hee 'll now marry her , instantly . SVB. He cannot yet , he is not ready . Deare Dol , Cosen her of all thou canst . To deceiue him Is no deceipt , but Iustice ; that would breake Such an inextricable tye as ours was . DOL. Let me alone to fit him . FAC. Come my Venturers . You ha' pack'd vp all ? Where be the Trunkes ? Bring forth . SVB. Here. FAC. Let 's see ' hem . Where 's the Money ? SVB. Here , In this . FAC. Mammons tenne pound : Eight score before . The Brethrens mony , this . Druggers and Dappers . What Paper 's that ? DOL. The Iewell of the waiting Maides , That stole it from her Lady , to know certaine — FAC. If she should haue precedence of her Mistresse ? DOL. Yes . FAC. What boxe is that ? SVB. The Fish-wiues rings , I thinke . And th'Alewiues single mony . Is 't not Dol ? DOL. Yes ; and the whistle , that the Saylors wife Brought you , to know , and her Husband were with Ward . FAC. Wee 'll wet it to morrow : and our Siluer-beakers , And Tauerne cups . Where be the French Peticoats , And Girdles , and Hangers ? SVB. Here , i' the Trunke , And the Bolts of Lawne . FAC. Is Druggers Damaske , there ? And the Tobacco ? SVB. Yes . FAC. Giue me the Keyes . DOL. Why you the Keyes ? SVB. No matter , Dol , because We shall not open 'hem , before he comes . FAC. 'T is true , you shall not open them , indeed , Nor haue 'hem forth . Doe you see ? Not forth , Dol. DOL. No ? FAC. No my Smock-rampant . The right is , my Master Knowes all , has pardon'd me , and he will keepe ' hem . Doctor 't is true ( you looke ) for all your Figures . I sent for him , indeed . Wherefore good Partners , Both He and She , be satisfied . For here Determines the Indenture tripartite Twixt Subtle , Dol , and Face . All I can doe Is to helpe you ouer the wall , o' the backside ; Or lend you a sheet , to saue your Veluet Gowne , Doll . Here will be Officers presently ; bethinke you , Of some course sodainly to scape the Dock , For thether you 'll come else . Harke you , Thunder . SVB. You are a precious fiend ! OFF. Open the dore . FAC. Dol , I am sorry for thee i-faith . But hearst thou ? It shall goe hard , but I will place thee somewhere : Thou shalt ha'my Letter to Mrs Amo. DOL. Hang you — FAC. Or Madame Imperiall . DOL. Poxe vpon you , Rogue , Would I had but time to beate thee . FAC. Subtle , Let 's know where you set vp next ; I 'll send you A Customer , now and then , for old acquaintance : What new course ha' you ? SVB. Rogue , I 'll hang my selfe That I may walke a greater diuell , then thou , And haunt thee i' the Flock-bed , and the Buttery . ACT. 5. SCENE . 5. LOVE-Wit . OFFICERS . MAMMON . SVRLY . FACE . KASTRIL . ANANIAS . T●IBVLATION . DRVGGER . Da : PLIANT . VVHat do you meane my Masters ? MAM. Open your Dore , Cheaters , Baudes , Coniurers . OFF. Or wee 'll breake it open . LOV. What warrant haue you ? OFF. Warrant inough , Sir , doubt not , If you 'll not open it . LOV. Is there an Officer , there ? OFF. Yes , two , or three for failing . LOV. Haue but patience , And I will open it straight . FAC. Sir , Ha' you done ? Is it a Marriage ? perfect ? LOV. Yes , my Braine ? FAC. Off with your Ruffe , and Cloake then , be your selfe , Sir. SVR. Down with the dore . KAS. 'Slight , ding it open . LOV. Hold. Hold Gentlemen , what meanes this violence ? MAM. Where is this Colliar ? SVR. And my Captaine Face ? MAM. These day-Owl●s . SVR. That are Birding in mens purses . MAM. Madame Suppository . KAS. Doxey , my Suster . ANA. Locusts Of the foule pit TRI. Profane as Bel , and the Dragon . ANA. Worsethen the Grasse-hoppers , or the Lice of Aegypt . LOV. Good Gentlemen , heare me . Are you Officers , And cannot stay this violence ? OFF. Keepe the peace . LOV. Gentlemen , what is the matter ? Whom doe you seeke ? MAM. The Chymicall Cousoner . SVR. And the Captaine Pandar . KAS. The Nun my Suster . MAM. Madame Rabbi . ANA. Scorpions , And Caterpillers . LOV. Fewer at once , I pray you . OFF. One after another , Gentlemen , I charge you , By vertue of my staffe — ANA. They are the vessels Of shame , and of dishonour . LOV. Goodzeale , lye still , A little while . TRI. Peace , Deacon Ananias . LOV. The House is mine here , and the dores are open : If there be any such persons , as you seeke for , Vse your authoritie , search on o' Gods name . I am but newly come to towne , and finding This tumult 'bout my dore ( to tell you true ) It somewhat mazd me ; till my Man , here , ( fearing My more displeasure ) told me had done Somewhat an insolent part , let out my house ( Belike , presuming on my knowne auersion From any ayre o' the towne , while there was Sicknesse ) To a Doctor , and a Captaine , who , what they are , Or where they be , he knowes not . MAM. Are they gone ? LOV. You may goe in , and search , Sir. Here , I finde The empty Walls , worse then I left 'hem , smoak'd , A few crack'd pots , and Glasses , and a Fornace , The Seeling fill'd with To●sies of the Candle : And Madame , with a Dildo , writ o' the walles . Onely one Gentlewoman , I met here , That is within , that said she was a Widdow — KAS. I that 's my Suster . I 'll goe thumpe her . Where is she ? LOV. And should ha' married a Spanish Count , buthe , When he came to 't , neglected her so grossely , That I , a Widdower , am gone through with her . SVR. How ! Haue I lost her then ? LOV. Were you the Don , Sir ? Good faith , now , she do's blame yo' extreamely , and sayes You swore , and told her , you had tane the paines , To dye your beard , and vmbre o'er your face , Borrowed a Sute , and Ruffe , all for her Loue ; And then did nothing What an ouer sight , And want of putting forward , Sir , was this ! Well fare an old Hargubuzier , yet , Could prime his poulder , and giue fire , and hit , All in a twinckling . MAM. The whole Nest are fledde ! LOV. What sort of Birds were they ? MAM. A kinde of Choughes , Or theeuish Dawes , Sir , that haue pickt my purse Of Eight-score , and ten Pounds , within these fiue weekes , Beside my first Materials ; and my Goods , That lye i' the Cellar : which I am glad , they haue left , I may haue home yet . LOV. Thinke you so Sir ? MAM. I. LOV. By order of Law , Sir , but not otherwise . MAM. Not mine owne stuffe ? LOV. Sir , I can take no knowledge , That they are yours , but by publique meanes . If you can bring certificate , that you were gull'd of 'hem , Or any formall Writ , out of a Court , That you did cosen your selfe ; I will not hold them . MAM. I 'll rather loose'hem . LOV. That you shall not , Sir , By me , in troth . Vpon these termesthey ' are yours . What should they ha' beene , Sir , turn'd into Gold all ? MAM. No. I cannot tell . It may be they should . What then ? LOV. What a great losse in hope haue ●ou sustain'd ? MAM. Not I , the Common wealth has . FAC. I , he would ha'built The Citie new ; and made a Ditch about it Of Siluer , should haue runne with Creame from Hogsden : That , euery Sunday in More-fields , the Younkers , And Tits , and Tom-boyes should haue fed on gratis . MAM. I will goe mount a Turnep-cart , and preach The end o' the world within these two months . Surly , What! in a Dreame ? SVR. Must I needes cheat my selfe , With that same foolish vice of Honesty ! Come let vs goe , and hearken out the Rogues . That Face I 'll marke for mine , if ere I meete him . FAC. If I can heare of him , Sir , I 'll bring you word , Vnto your lodging : for in troth , they were strangers To me , I thought 'hem honest , as my selfe , Sir. TRI. 'T is well , the Saints shall not loose all yet . Goe , And get some Carts — LOV. For what , my zealous Friends ? ANA. To beare away the portion of the Righteous , Out of this denne of Theeues . LOV. What is that portion ? ANA. The goods , sometimes the Orphanes , that the Brethren Bought with their Siluer pence . LOV. What , those i' the Cellar , The Knight , Sir Mammon claimes ? ANA. I doe defie The wicked Mammon , so doe all the Brethren , Thou prophane Man. I aske thee , with what conscience Thou canst aduance that Nemrod , against vs , That haue the seale ? Were not the Shillings numbred , That made the Pounds ? were not the Pounds told out , Vpon the second day of the fourth weeke , In the eight month , vpon the table dormant , The yeare , of the last patience of the Saints , Sixe hundred and tenne . LOV. Mine earnest vehement Botcher , And Deacon also , I cannot dispute with you , But , if you get you not away the sooner , I shall confute you , with a Cudgell . ANA. Sir. TRI. Be patient Ananias . ANA. I am strong , And will stand vp , well girt , against an Host , That threaten Gad in exile . LOV. I shall send you To Amstredam , to your Cellar . ANA. I will pray there Against thy House : May Dogges defile thy walles , And Waspes and Hornets breed beneath thy roofe , This seat of falsehood , and this caue of cos'nage . LOV. Another too ? DRV. Not I Sir , I am no Brother . LOV. Away you Harry Nicholas , doe you talke ? FAC. No this was Abel Drugger . Good Sir , goe . And satisfie him ; tell him , all is done : He stay'd too long a washing of his face . The Doctor , he shall heare of him at Westchester : And of the Captaine , tell him at Yarmouth , or Some good Port-towne else , lying for a winde . If you can get off the Angry Child now , Sir — KAS. Come on , you Yew , you haue match'd most sweetly , ha' you not ? Did not I say , I would neuer ha' you tupt But by a dub'd Boy , to make you a Lady-Tom ? 'Slight , you are a Mammet ! O , I could touse you , now . Death , mun ' you marry with a poxe ? LOV. You lye , Boy ; As sound as you : and I am afore-handwith you . KAS. Anone ? LOV. Come , will you quarrell ? I will feize you , sirrah . Why doe you not buckle to your tooles ? KAS. Gods light ! This is a fine Old Boy , as ere I saw ! LOV. What doe you change your coppy now ? Proceede , Here stands my Doue : stoope at her , if you dare . KAS. 'Slight I must loue him : I cannot choose i-faith , And I should be hang'd for 't . Suster , I protest I honour thee , for this match . LOV. O doe you so , Sir. KAS. Yes , and thou canst take Tobacco , and drinke , Old Boy , I 'll giue her fiue hundred pound more , to her Marriage , Then her owne State. LOV. Fill a pipe-full , Ieremie . FAC. Yes , but goe in , and take it , Sir. LOV. We will. I will be rul'd by thee in any thing , Ieremy . KAS. 'Slight , thou art not Hide-bound , thou art a Iouy Boy ! Come let 's in pray thee , and take our W●ffes . LOV. Whiffe in with your Sister , brother Boy . That Master That had receiu'd such happinesse by a Seruant , In such a Widdow , and with so much wealth , Were very vngratefull , if he would not be A little indulgent to that Seruants wit , And help his fortune , though with some small straine Of his owne candor . Therefore Gentlemen , And kinde Spectators , if I hau out stript An old mans grauitie , or strict canon , thinke What a yong Wife , and a good Brayne may doe : Stretch Ages truth sometimes , and crack it too . Speake for thy selfe , Knaue . FAC. So I wil Sir. Gentlemen , My Part a little fell in this last Scene , Yet 't was decorum . And though I am cleane Got off , from Subtle , Surly , Mammon , Dol , Hot Ananias , Dapper , Drugger , all With whom I traded ; yet I put my selfe On you , that are my Country : And this Pelfe , Which I haue got , if you doe quit me , rests To feast you often , and in●ite new ghests . The end . A47409 ---- Poems, elegies, paradoxes, and sonets Selections. 1664 King, Henry, 1592-1669. 1664 Approx. 207 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 100 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A47409 Wing K502 ESTC R22779 12304537 ocm 12304537 59204 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. 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LONDON , Printed for Henry Herringman , and are to be sold at the Anchor in the lower-walk in the New Exchange . 1664. THE PUBLISHERS TO THE AUTHOR . Sir , IT is the common fashion to make some address to the Readers , but we are bold to direct ours to you , who will look on this publication with Anger which others must welcom into the world with Joy. The Lord Verulam comparing ingenious Authors to those who had Orchards ill neighboured , advised them to publish their own labours , lest others might steal the fruit : Had you followed his example , or liked the advice , we had not thus trespassed against your consent , or been forced to an Apology , which cannot but ●mply a fault committed . The best we can say for our selves is , that if we have injured you it is meerly in your own defence , preventing the present attempts of others , who to their theft would ( by their false copies of these Poems ) have added violence , and some way have wounded your reputation . Having been long engaged on better contemplations , you may perhaps look down on these Iuvenilia ( most of them the issues of your youthful Muse ) with some disdain ; and yet the Courteous Reader may tell you with thanks , that they are , not to be despised , being far from Abortive , nor to be disowned , because they are both Modest and Legitimate . And thus if we have offered you a view of your yonnger face , our hope is yo● will behold it with an unwrinkled brow , though we have presented the Mirrour against your will We confess our design hath been set forward by friends that honour you , who le●t the ill publishing might disfigure these things from whence you never expected addition to your credit ( sundry times endeavoured and by them defeated ) furnished us with some papers which they thought Authentick ; we may not turn their favour into an accusation , and therefore give no intimation of their names , but wholly take the blame of this hasty and immethodical impression upon our selves , being persons at a distance , who are fitter to bear it then those who are neerer related . In hope of your pardon we remain . Your most devoted servants , Rich : Marriot . Hen : Herringman . POEMS . SONNET . The Double Rock . SInce thou hast view'd some Gorgon , and art grown A solid stone : To bring again to softness thy hard heart Is past my art . Ice may relent to water in a thaw ; But stone made flesh Loves Chymistry ne're saw . Therefore by thinking on thy hardness , I Will petrify ; And so within our double Quarryes Wombe , Dig our Loves Tombe . Thus strangely will our difference agree ; And , with our selves , amaze the world , to see How both Revenge and Sympathy consent To make two Rocks each others Monument . The Vow-Breaker . VVHen first the Magick of thine ey , Usurpt upon my liberty , Triumphing , in my hearts spoyl , thou Didst lock up thine in such a vow ; When I prove false , may the bright day Be govern'd by the Moons ●pale ray ! ( As I too well remember ) This Thou said'st , and seald'st it with a kiss . O Heavens ! and could so soon that Ty Relent in slack Apostacy ? Could all thy Oaths , and morgag'd trust , Vanish ▪ like letters form'd in dust Which the next wind scatters . Take heed , Take heed Revolter ; know this deed Hath wrong'd the world , which will fare worse By thy Example then thy Curse . Hide that false Brow in mists . Thy shame Ne're see light more , but the dimme flame Of funeral Lamps . Thus sit and moane , And learn to keep thy guilt at home . Give it no vent ; for if agen Thy Love or Vowes betray more men , At length ( I fear ) thy perjur'd breath Will blow out day , and waken Death . Vpon a Table-Book presented to a Lady . VVHen your fair hand receives this little book You must not there for prose or verses look . Those empty regions which within you see , May by your self planted and peopled be : And though we scarce allow your sex to prove Writers ( unless the Argument be Love ) ; Yet without crime or envy you have roome Here , both the Scribe and Author to become . To the same Lady upon Mrs Burtons M●lancholy . IF in this Glass of Humours you do find The Passions or diseases of your mind , Here without pain , you safely may endure , Though not to suffer , yet to read your cure . But if you nothing meet you can apply , Then ere you need , you have a remedy . And I do wish you never may have cause To be adjudg'd by these fantastick Laws ; But that this books example may be known , By others Melancholy , not your own . The Farewell . Splendidis longùm valedico nugis FArewell fond Love , under whose childish whip , I have serv'd out a weary Prentiship ; Thou that hast made me thy scorn'd property , To dote on Rocks , but yielding Loves to fly : Go bane of my dear quiet and content , Now practise on some other Patient . Farewell false Hope that fann'd my warm desire Till it had rais'd a wild unruly fire , Which nor sighs cool , nor tears extinguish can , Although my eyes out-flow'd the Ocean : Forth of my thoughts for ever , Thing of Air , Begun in errour , finish't in despair . Farewell vain World , upon whose restless stage Twixt Love and Hope I have foold out my age ; Henceforth ere sue to thee for my redress , I le wooe the wind , or court the wilderness ; And buried from the dayes discovery , Study a slow yet certain way to dy . My woful Monument shall be a Cell , The murmur of the purling brook my knell ; My lasting Epitaph the Rock shall grone : Thus when sad Lovers ask the weeping stone , What wretched thing does in that Center lie ? The hollow Eccho will reply , 't was I. A Black-moor Maid wooing a fair Boy : sent to the Author by Mr. Hen. Rainolds . STay lovely Boy , why fly'st thou mee That languish in these flames for thee ? I 'm black 't is true : why so is Night , And Love doth in dark Shades delight . The whole World , do but close thine eye , Will seem to thee as black as I ; Or op't , and see what a black shade Is by thine own fair body made , That follows thee where e're thou go ; ( O who allow'd would not do so ? ) Let me for ever dwell so nigh , And thou shalt need no other shade than I. Mr. Hen. Rainolds . The Boyes answer to the Blackmoor . BLack Maid , complain not that I fly , When Fate commands Antipathy : Prodigious might that union prove , Where Night and Day together move , And the conjunction of our lips Not kisses make , but an Eclipse ; In which the mixed black and white Portends more terrour than delight . Yet if my shadow thou wilt be , Enjoy thy dearest wish : But see Thou take my shadowes property , That hastes away when I come nigh : Else stay till death hath blinded mee , And then I will bequeath my self to thee . To a Friend upon Overbury's wife given to her . I Know no fitter subject for your view Then this , a meditation ripe for you , As you for it . Which when you read you 'l see What kind of wife your self will one day bee : Which happy day be neer you , and may this Remain with you as earnest of my wish ; When you so far love any , that you dare Venture your whole affection on his care , May he for whom you change your Virgin-life Prove good to you , and perfect as this Wife . Vpon the same . Madam , who understands you well would swear , That you the Life , and this your Copie were . To A. R. upon the same . NOt that I would instruct or tutor you What is a Wifes behest , or Husbands due , Give I this Widdow-Wife . Your early date Of knowledge makes such Precepts slow and late . This book is but your glass , where you shall see What your self are , what other Wives should bee . An Epitaph on Niobe turned to Stone . THis Pile thou seest built out of Flesh , not Stone , Contains no shroud within , nor mouldring bone : This bloodless Trunk is destitute of Tombe Which may the Soul-fled Mansion enwombe . This seeming Sepulchre ( to tell the troth ) Is neither Tomb nor Body , and yet both . Vpon a Braid of Hair in a Heart sent by Mrs. E. H. IN this small Character is sent My Loves eternal Monument . Whil'st we shall live , know , this chain'd Heart Is our affections counter-part . And if we never meet , think I Bequeath'd it as my Legacy . SONNET . TEll me no more how fair she is , I have no minde to hear The story of that distant bliss I never shall come near : By sad experience I have found That her perfection is my wound . And tell me not how fond I am To tempt a daring Fate , From whence no triumph ever came , But to repent too late : There is some hope ere long I may In silence d●te my self away . I ask no pity ( Love ) from thee , Nor will thy justice blame , So that thou wilt not envy mee The glory of my flame : Which crowns my heart when ere it dyes , In that it falls her sacrifice . SONNET . VVEre thy heart soft as thou art faire , Thou wer 't a wonder past compare : But frozen Love and fierce disdain By their extremes thy graces stain . Cold coyness quenches the still fires Which glow in Lovers warm desires ; And scorn , like the quick Lightnings blaze , Darts death against affections gaze . O Heavens , what prodigy is this When Love in Beauty buried is ! Or that dead pity thus should be Tomb'd in a living cruelty . SONNET . GO thou that vainly do'st mine eyes invite To taste the softer comforts of the night , And bid'st me cool the feaver of my brain , In those sweet balmy dewes which slumber pain ; Enjoy thine own peace in untroubled sleep , Whil'st my sad thoughts eternal vigils keep . O could'st thou for a time change breasts with me , Thou in that broken Glass shouldst plainly see , A heart which wastes in the slow smothring fire Blown by despair , and fed by false desire , Can onely reap such sleeps as Sea-men have , When fierce winds rock them on the foaming wave . SONNET . To Patience . DOwn stormy passions , down ; no more Let your rude waves invade the shore Where blushing reason sits and hides Her from the fu●y of your tides . Fit onely 't is where you bear sway That Fools or Franticks do obey ; Since judgment , if it not resists , Will lose it self in your blind mists . Fall easie Patience , fall like rest Whose soft spells charm a troubled breast : And where those Rebels you espy , O in your silken cordage tie Their malice up ! so shall I raise Altars to thank your power , and praise The soveraign vertue of your Balm , Which cures a Tempest by a Calm . Silence . A SONNET . PEace my hearts blab , be ever dumb , Sorrowes speak loud without a tongue : And my perplexed thoughts forbear To breath your selves in any ear : T is scarce a true or manly grief Which gaddes abroad to find rel●ef . Was ever stomack that lackt meat Nourisht by what another eat ? Can I bestow it , or will woe Forsake me when I bid it goe ? Then I le believe a wounded breast May heal by shrift , and purchase rest . But if imparting it I do Not ease my self , but trouble two , 'T is better I alone possess My treasure of unhappiness : Engrossing that which is my own No longer then it is unknown . If silence be a kind of death , He kindles grief who gives it breath ; But let it rak't in embers lye , On thine own hearth 't will quickly dye ; And spight of fate , that very wombe Which carries it , shall prove its tombe . Loves Harvest . FOnd Lunatick forbear , why do'st thou sue For thy affections pay e're it is due ? Loves fruits are legal use ; and therefore may Be onely taken on the marriage day . Who for this interest too early call , By that exaction lose the Principall . Then gather not those immature delights , Untill their riper Autumn thee invites . He that abortive Corn cuts off his ground , No Husband but a Ravisher is found : So those that reap their love before they wed , Do in effect but Cuckold their own Bed. The Forlorn Hope . HOw long vain Hope do'st thou my joys suspend ? Say ! must my expectation know no end ! Thou wast more kind unto the wandring Greek Who did ten years his Wife and Country seek : Ten lazy Winters in my glass are run , Yet my thoughts travail seems but new begun . Smooth Quick-sand which the easy World beguiles , Thou shalt not bury me in thy false smiles . They that in hunting shadowes pleasure take May benefit of thy illusion make . Since thou hast banisht me from my content I here pronounce thy finall banishment . Farewell thou dream of nothing ! thou meer voice ▪ Get thee to fooles that can feed fat with noise : Bid wretches markt for death look for reprieve , Or men broke on the wheel perswade to live . Henceforth my comfort and best Hope shall be , By scorning Hope , nere to rely on thee . The Retreat . PUrsue no more ( my thoughts ! ) that false unkind , You may assoon imprison the North-wind ; Or catch the Lightning as it leaps ; or reach The leading billow first ran down the breach ; Or undertake the ●lying clouds to track In the same path they yesterday did rack . Then , like a Torch turn'd downward , let the same Desire which nourisht it , put out your flame . Loe thus I doe d●vorce thee from my brest , False to thy vow , and traitour to my rest ! Henceforth thy tears shall be ( though thou repent ) Like pardons after execution sent . Nor shalt thou ever my loves story read , But as some Epitaph of what is dead . So may my hope on future blessings dwell , As 't is my firm resolve and last farewell . SONNET . TEll me you stars that our affections move , Why made ye me that cruell one to love ? Why burnes my heart her scorned sacrifice , Whose breast is hard as Chrystall , cold as Ice ? God of Desire ! if all thy Votaries Thou thus repay , succession will grow wise ; No sighs for incense at thy Shrine shall smoke , Thy Rites will be despis'd , thy Altars broke . O! or give her my flame to melt that snow Which yet unthaw'd does on her bosome grow ; Or make me ice , and with her chrystall chaines Binde up all love within my frozen veines : SONNET . I Prethee turn that face away Whose splendour but benights my day . Sad eyes like mine , and wounded hearts Shun the bright rayes which beauty da●ts . Unwelcome is the Sun that pries Into those shades where sorrow lies . Go shine on happy things . To me That blessing is a miserie : Whom thy fierce Sun not warmes , but burnes , Like that the ●ooty Indian turnes . I le serve the night , and there confin'd Wish thee less fair , or else more kind . SONNET . DRy those fair , those chrystal eyes Which like growing fountains rise To drown their banks . Griefs ●ullen brooks Would better flow in furrow'd looks ▪ Thy lovely face was never meant To be the shoar of discontent . Then clear those watrish starres again Which else portend a lasting rain ; Lest the clouds which settle there Prolong my Winter all the Year : And the example others make In love with sorrow for thy sake . SONNET . VVHen I entreat , either thou wilt not hear , Or else my suit arriving at thy ●ar Cools and dies there . A strange ext●emitie To freeze i th' Sun , and in the shade to frie. Whil'st all my blasted hopes decline so soon , T is Evening with me , though at high Noon . For pity to thy self , if not to me Think time will ravish , what I lose , from the● . If my scorcht heart wither through thy delay , Thy beauty withers too . And swift decay Arrests thy Youth . So thou whil'st I am slighted Wilt be too soon with age or sorrow nighted . To a Lady who sent me a copy of verses at my going to bed . LAdy your art or wit could nere devise To shame me more then in this nights surprise . Why I am quite unready , and my eye Now winking like my candle , doth deny To guide my hand , if it had ought to write ; Nor can I make my drowsie sense indite Which by your verses musick ( as a spell Sent from the Sybellean Oracle ) Is charm'd and bound in wonder and delight , Faster then all the leaden chains of night . What pity is it then you should so ill Employ the bounty of your flowing quill , As to expend on him your bedward thought , Who can acknowledge that large love in nought But this lean wish ; that fate soon send you those Who may requite your rhimes with midnight prose ▪ Mean time , may all delights and pleasing Theam ▪ Like Masquers revell in your Maiden dreams , Whil'st dull to write , and to do more unmee● , I , as the night invites me , fall asleep . The Pink. FAir one , you did on me bestow Comparisons too sweet to ow ; And but I found them sent from you I durst not think they could be true . But 't is your uncontrolled power Goddess-like to produce a flower , And by your breath , without more ●eed , Make that a Pink which was a Weed . Because I would be loth to miss So sweet a Metamorphosis , Upon what stalk soere I grow Disdain not you sometimes to blow And che●ish by your Virgin eye What in your frown would droop and die : So shall my thankful leaf repay Persumed wishes every day : And o're your fortune breathe a spell Which may his obligation tell , Who though he nought but she can give Must ever your ( Sweet ) creature live . To his Friends of Christ-Church upon the mislike of the Marriage of the Arts acted at Woodstock . BUt is it true , the Court mislik't the Play , That Christ-Church and the Arts have lost the day ; That Ignoramus should so far excell , Their Hobby-horse from ours hath born the Bell ? T●oth you are justly serv'd , that would present Ought unto them , but shallow merriment ; Or to your Marriage-table did admit Guests that are stronger far in smell then wit. Had some quaint Bawdry larded ev'ry Sc●ne , Some fawning Sycophant , or courted queane ; Had there appear'd some sharp cross-garter'd man Whom their loud laugh might nick-name Puritan , Cas'd up in factious breeches and small ruffe , That hates the surplis , and defies the cuffe : Then sure they would have given applause to crown That which their ignorance did now cry down . Let me advise , when next you do bestow Your pains on men that do but little know , You do no Chorus nor a Comment lack , Which may expound and construe ev'ry Act : That it be short and ●light ; for if 't be good T is long , and neither lik't nor understood . Know t is Court fashion still to discommend All that which they want brain to comprehend . The Surrender . MY once dear Love ; hapless that I no more Must call thee so : the rich affections store That fed our hopes , lies now exhaust and spent , Like summes of treasure unto Bankrupts lent . We that did nothing study but the way To love each other , with which thoughts the day Rose with delight to us , and with them set , Must learn the hateful Art how to forget . We that did nothing wish that Heav'n could give Beyond our selves , nor did desire to live Beyond that wish , all these now ▪ cancell must As if not writ in faith , but words and dust . Yet witness those cleer vowes which Lovers make , Witness the chast desires that never brake Into unruly heats ; witness that brest Which in thy bosom anchor'd his whole rest , T is no default in us , I dare acquite Thy Maiden faith , thy purpose fair and white As thy pure self . Cross Planets did envie Us to each other , and Heaven did untie Faster then vowes could binde . O that the Starres , When Lovers meet , should stand oppos'd in warres ! Since then some higher Destinies command , Let us not strive nor labour to withstand What is past help . The longest date of grief Can never yield a hope of our relief ; And though we waste our selves in moist laments , Tears may drown us but not our discontents . Fold back our arms , take home our fruitless loves , That must new fortunes trie , like Turtle Doves Dislodged from their haunts . We must in tears Unwind a love knit up in many years . In this last kiss I here surrender thee Back to thy self , so thou again art free . Thou in another , sad as that , resend The truest heart that Lover ere did lend . Now turn from each . So fare our sever'd hearts As the divorc't soul from her body parts . The Legacy . MY dearest Love ! when thou and I must part , And th' icy hand of death shall seize that heart Which is all thine ; within some spacious will I le leave no blanks for Legacies to fill : T is my ambition to die one of those Who but himself hath nothing to dispose . And since that is already thine , what need , I to re-give it by some newer deed ▪ Yet take it once again . Free circumstance Does oft the value of mean things advance : Who thus repeats what he bequeath'd before , Proclaims his bounty rich●r then his store . But let me not upon my love bestow W●at is not worth the giving . I do ow Somwhat to dust : my bodies pamper'd care Hungry corruption and the wo●m will share . That mouldring relick which in earth must lie Would prove a gift of horrour to thine eie . With this cast ragge of my mortalitie Let all my faults and errours buried be . And as my ●ear-cloth rots , so may kind fate Those worst acts of my life incinerate . He shall in story fill a glorious room Whose ashes and whose sins sleep in one Tomb. If now to my cold hearse thou deign to bring Some melting sighs as thy last offering , My peacefull exequies are crown'd . Nor shall I ask more honour at my Funerall . Thou wilt more richly balm me with thy tears Then all the Nard fragrant Arabia bears . And as the Paphian Queen by her gri●fs show'r Brought up her dead Loves Spirit in a flow'r : So by those precious drops rain'd from thine ●ies , Out of my dust , O may some ●ertue rise ! And like thy better Genius thee attend , Till thou in my dark Period shalt end . Lastly , my constant truth let me commend To him thou choo●est next to be thy friend . For ( witness all things good ) I would not have Thy Youth and Beauty married to my grave , 'T would shew thou didst repent the style of wife Should'st thou relap●e into a single life . They with preposterous grief the world delude Who mourn for their lost Mates in solitude ; Since Widdowhood more strongly doth enforce The much lamented lot of their divorce . Themselves then of their losses guilty are Who may , yet will not suffer a repaire . Those were Barbarian wives that did invent Weeping to death at th'Husband● Monument But in more civil Rites She doth approve Her first , who ventures on a second Love ▪ For else it may be thought , if She refrain , She sped so ill Shee durst not trie again . Up then my Love , and choose some worthier one Who may supply my room when I am gone ; So will the stock of our affection thrive No less in death , then were I still alive . And in my urne I shall rejoyce , that I Am both Testatour thus and Legacie . The short Wooing . LIke an Oblation set before a Shrine , Fair One ! I offer up this heart of mine . Whether the Saint accept my Gift or no , I le neither fear not doubt before I know . For he whose faint distrust prevents reply , Doth his own suits denial prophecy . Your will the sentence is ; Who free as Fate Can bid my love proceed , or else retreat . And from short views that ve●di●●t is decreed Which seldom doth one audience exceed . Love asks no dull probation , but like light Conveyes his nimble influence at first sight . I need not therefore importune or press ; This were t'extort unwilling happiness : And much against affection might I sin : To tire and weary what I seek to win . Towns which by lingring siege enforced be Oft make both sides repent the victorie . Be Mistriss of your self : and let me thrive Or suffer by your own prerogative . Yet stay , since you are Judge , who in one breath Bear uncontrolled power of Life and Death , Remember ( Sweet ) pity doth best become Those lips which must pronounce a Suitors doome . If I find that , my spark of chast desire Shall kindle into Hymens holy fire : Else like sad flowers will these verses prove , To stick the Coffin of rejected Love. St. Valentines day . NOw that each fe●ther'd Chorister doth sing The glad approches of the welcome Spring : Now Phoebus darts forth his more early beam , And dips it later in the cur●ed stream , I should to custome prove a retrograde Did I still dote upon my sullen shade . Oft have the seasons finisht and begun ; Dayes into Months , those into years have run , Since my cross Starres and inauspicious fate Doom'd me to linger here without my Mate : Whose loss ere since befrosting my desire , Left me an Altar without Gift or Fire . I therefore could have wisht for your own sake That Fortune had design'd a nobler stake For you to draw , then one whose fading day Like to a dedicated Taper lay Within a Tomb , and long burnt out in vain , Since nothing there saw better by the flame . Yet since you like your Chance , I must not try To marre it through my incapacity . I here make title to it , and proclaime How much you honour me to wen● my name ; Who can no form of gratitude devise , But offer up my self your sacrifice . Ha●l then my worthy Lot ! and may each Morn Successive springs of joy to you be born : May your content ne're wane , untill my heart Grown Bankrupt , wants good wishes to impart . Henceforth I need not make the dust my Shrine , Nor search the Grave for my lost Valentine . To his unconstant Friend . BUt say thou very woman , why to me This fit of weakness and inconstancie ? What forfeit have I made of word or vow , That I am rack't on thy displeasure now ? If I have done a fault I do not shame To cite it from thy lips , give it a name : I ask the banes , stand forth , and tell me why We should not in our wonted loves comply ? Did thy cloy'd appetite urge thee to trie If any other man could love as I ? I see friends are like clothes , lad up whil'st new , But after wearing cast , though nere so true . Or did thy fierce ambition long to make Some Lover turn a martyr for thy sake ? Thinking thy beauty had deserv'd no name Unless some one do perish in that flame : Upon whose loving dust this sentence lies , Here 's one was murther'd by his Mistriss eyes . Or was 't because my love to thee was such , I could not choose but blab it ? swear how much I was thy slave , and doting let thee know , I better could my self then thee forgo . Hearken ye men that ere shall love like me , I le give you counsel gratis : if you be Possest of what you like , let your fair friend Lodge in your bosom , but no secrets send To seek their lodging in a female brest ; For so much is abated of your rest . The Steed that comes to understand his strength Growes wild , and casts his manager at length : And that tame Lover who unlocks his heart Unto his Mistriss , teaches her an art To plague himself ; shews her the secret way How She may tyrannize another day . And now my fair unkindness , thus to thee ; Mark how wise Passion and I agree : Hear and be sorry for 't . I will not die To expiate thy crime of levitie : I walk ( not cross-arm'd neither ) eat , and live , Yea live to pity thy neglect , not grieve That thou art from thy faith and promise gone , Nor envy him who by my loss hath won . Thou shalt perceive thy changing Moon-like fit● Have not infected me , or turn'd my wits To Lunacie . I do not mean to weep When I should eat , o● sigh when I should sleep ; I will not fall upon my pointed quill , Bleed ink and Poems , or invention spill To contrive Ballads , or weave Elegies For Nurses wearing when the infant cries . Nor like th'enamour'd Tristrams of the time , Despair in prose , and hang my self in rhime . Nor thither run upon my verses feet , Where I shall none but fools or mad-men meet , Who mid'st the silent shades , and Myrtle walks , Pule and do penance for their Mistress faults . I 'm none of those poetick male-contents Born to make paper dear with my laments : Or wild Orlando that will rail and vex , And for thy sake fall out with all the ●ex . No , I will love again , and seek a prize That shall redeem me from thy poor despise . I le court my fortune now in such a shape That will no faint die , nor starv'd colour take . Thus launch I off with triumph from thy shore , To which my last farewell ; for never more Will I touch there . I put to Sea again Blown with the churlish wind of thy disdain . Nor will I stop this course till I have found A Coast that yields safe harbour , and firm ground . Smile ye Love - 〈◊〉 ; wing'd with desir● I fly , To make my wishes full discovery : Nor doubt I but for one that proves like you , I shall find ●en as fair , and yet more true . Madam Gabrina , Or the Ill-favourd Choice . Con mala Muger el remedio Mucha Tierra por el medio . I Have oft wondred why thou didst elect Thy Mistress of a stuff none could affect , That wore his eyes in the right place . A thing Made up , when Natures powers lay slumbering . One , where all pregnant imperfections met To make her sexes scandal : Teeth of jet , Hair dy'd in Orpment , from whose fretful hew Canidia her highest Witch-crafts drew . A lip most thin and pale , but such a mouth Which like the Poles is stretched North and South . A face so colour'd , and of such a form , As might defiance bid unto a storm : And the complexion of her sallow hide Like a wrack't body washt up by the Tyde : Eyes small : a nose so to her vizard glew'd As if 't would take a Planets altitude . Last for her breath , 't is somewhat like the smell That does in Ember weeks on Fish street dwell ; Or as a man should fasting scent the Rose Which in the savoury Bear-garden growes . If a Fox cures the Paralyticall , Had'●t thou ●en Palsies , she 'd out-stink them all . But I have found thy plot : sure thou did'st trie To put thy self past hope of jealousie : And whil'st unlearned fools the senses please , Thou cu●'st thy appetite by a disease ; As many use to kill an itch withall , Quicksilver or some biting Minerall . Dote upon handsome things each common man With little study and less labour can ; But to make love to a Deformity , Onely commends thy great ability , Who from hard-favour'd objects draw'st content , As Estriches from iron nutriment . Well take her , and like mounted George , in bed Boldly atchieve thy Dragons Maiden-head : Where ( though scarce sleep ) thou mayst rest confident None dares beguile thee of thy punishment : The sin were not more foul he should commit , Then is that She with whom he acted it . Yet take this comfort : when old age shall raze , Or sickness ruine many a good face , Thy choice cannot impair ; no cunning curse Can mend that night-peece , that is , make her worse . The Defence . Piensan los Enamorados Que tienen los otros , los oios quebranta dos . VVHy slightest thou what I approve ? Thou art no Peer to try my love , Nor canst discern where her form lyes , Unless thou saw'st her with my eyes . Say she were foul and blacker than The Night , or Sun-burnt African , If lik't by me , t is I alone Can make a beauty where was none ; For rated in my fancie , she Is so as she appears to me . But t is not feature , or a face , That does my free election grace , Nor is my liking onely led By a well temperd white and red ; Could I enamou●'d grow on those , The Lilly and the blushing Rose United in one stalk might be As dear unto my thoughts as she , But I look farther , and do find A richer beauty in her mind ; Where something is so lasting fair , As time or age cannot impair . Had'st thou a perspective so cleere , Thou could'st behold my object there ; When thou her vertues should'st espy , Theyl'd force thee to confess that I Had cause to like her , and learn thence To love by judgment not by sence . To One demanding why Wine sparkles . SO Diamonds sparkle , and thy Mistriss eyes ; When t is not Fire but light in either flyes . Beauty not thaw'd by lustful flames will show Like a fair mountain of unmelted snow : Nor can the tasted vine more danger bring Then water taken from the chrystall Spring , Whose end is to refresh and cool that heat Which unallayd becomes foul vices seat : Unless thy boyling veins , mad with desire Of drink , convert the liquor into fire . For then thou quaf●'st down feavers , thy full bowles Carouse the burning draughts of Portia's coles . If it do leap and sparkle in the cup , T will sink thy cares , and help invention up . There never yet was Muse or Poet known Not dipt or drenched in this Helicon . But Tom ! take heed thou use it with such care As Witches deal with their Familiar . For if thy vertues circle not confine And guard thee from the Furies rais'd by wine , 'T is ten to one this dancing spirit may A Devil prove to bear thy wits away ; And make thy glowing nose a Map of Hell Where Bacchus purple fumes like Meteors dwell . Now think not these sage moralls thee invite To prove Carthusian or strict Rechabite ; Let fooles be mad , wise people may be free , Though not to license turn their libertie . He that drinks wine for health , not for excess , Nor drownes his temper in a drunkenness , Shall feel no more the grapes unruly fate , Then if he took some chilling Opiate . By occasion of the Young Prince his happy birth . AT this glad Triumph , when most Poets use Their quill , I did not bridle up my Muse For sloth or less devotion . I am one That can well keep my Holy-dayes at home ; That can the blessings of my King and State Better in pray'r then poems gratulate ; And in their fortunes bear a loyal part , Though I no bone-fires light but in my heart . Truth is , when I receiv'd the first report Of a new Starre risen and seen at Court ; Though I felt joy enough to give a tongue Unto a mute , yet duty strook me dumb : And thus surpriz'd by rumour , at first sight I held it some allegiance not to write . For howere Children , unto those that look Their pedigree in God's , not the Church book , Fair pledges are of that eternitie Which Christians possess not till they die ; Yet they appear view'd in that perspective Through which we look on men long since alive , Like succours in a Camp , sent to make good Their place that last upon the watches stood . So that in age , or fate , each following birth Doth set the Parent so much neerer earth : And by this Grammar we our heirs may call The smiling Preface to our funerall . This sadded my soft sense , to think that he Who now makes Lawes , should by a bold decree Be summon'd hence to make another room , And change his Royal Palace for a tomb . For none ere truly lov'd the present light , But griev'd to see it rivall'd by the night : And if 't be sin to wish that light extinct , Sorrow may make it treason but to think 't . I know each male-content or giddy man , In his religion with the Persian , Adores the rising Sun ; and his false view Best likes not what is best , but what is new . O that we could these gangrenes so prevent ( For our own blessing and their punishment ) That all such might , who for wild changes thirst , Rack't on a hopeless expectation , burst , To see us fetter time , and by his stay To a consistence fix the flying day ; And in a Solstice by our prayers made , Rescue our Sun from death or envies shade . But here we dally with fate , and in this Stern Destiny mocks and controules our wish ; Informing us , if fathers should remain For ever ●●te , children were born in vain ; And we in vain were Christians , should we In this world dream of perpetuitie . Decay is natures Kalendar ; nor can It hurt the King to think he i● a 〈◊〉 Nor grieve , but comfort him , to hear us say That his own children must his Scepter sway . Why slack ● then to contribute a vote Large as the Kingdoms joy , f●ee as my thought ? Long live the Prince , and in that title bear The world long witness that the King is here : May he grow up till all that good he reach Which we can wish , or his Great Father teach : Let him shine long a mark to Land and May● , Like ▪ that bright Spark plac't neerest to Charles Wayn , And like him lead successions golden Teame , Which may possess the Brittish Diademe . But in the mean space , let his Royal Sire , Who warmes our hopes with true Prom●thean fire , So long his course in time and glory run , Till he estate his vertue on his son . So in his Fathers dayes this happy One Shall crowned be , yet not usurp the Throne ; And Charles reign still , since thus himself will be Heir to himself through all Posteritie . Vpon the Kings happy return from Scotland . SO breaks the day when the returning Sun Hath newly through his Winter Tropick run , As You ( Great Sir ! ) in this regress come forth From the remoter Climate of the North. To tell You now what cares , what fears we past , What Clouds of sorrow did the land ore-cast , Were lost , but unto such as have been there Where the absented Sun benights the year : Or have those Countreys traveld which nere feel The warmth and vertue of his flaming wheel . How happy yet were we ! that when you went , You left within your Kingdomes firmament A Partner-L●ght , whose lustre may despise The nightly glimm'ring Tapers of the skies , Your peerless Queen ; and at each hand a Starre Whose hopeful beams from You enkindled are . Though ( to say truth ) the light which they could bring Serv'd but to lengthen out our evening . Heavens greater lamps illumine it ; each spark Adds onely this , to make the sky less dark . Nay She who is the glory of her sex Did sadly droop for lack of Your reflex : Oft did She her fair brow in loneness shrowd , And dimly shone , like Venus in a cloud . Now are those gloomy mists dry'd up by You , As the Worlds eye scatters the Ev'ning dew : And You bring home that blessing to the land Which absence made us rightly understand . Here may You henceforth stay ! there need no charms To hold You , but the circle of her arms , Whose fruitful love yields You a rich increase , Seales of Your joy , and of the kingdomes peace . O may those precious pledges fixe You here , And You grow old within that chrystall Sphere ! Pardon this bold detention . Else our love Will meerly an officious trouble prove . Each busie minute tells us as it flies , That there are better objects for your eyes . To them let us leave you , whil'st we go pray , Ra●s●ng this triumph to a Holy-day . And may that soul the Churches blessing want ; May his content be short , his comforts scant , Whose Bosom-Altar does no incense burn , In thankful sacrifice for your return . To the Queen at Oxford . GReat Lady ! That thus quite against our use , We speak your welcome by an English Muse , And in a vulgar tongue our zeales contrive , Is to confess your large prerogative , Who have the pow'rful freedom to dispense With our strict Rules , or Customes difference . T is sit when such a Star deigns to appeare And shine within the Academick Sp●eare , That ev'ry Colledge grac't by your resort , Should onely speak the language of your Court ; As if Apollo's learned Quire , but You No other Queen of the Ascendent knew . Let those that list invoke the Delphian name , To light their verse , and quench their doting flame ; In Helicon it were High Treason now , Did any to a feign'd Minerva bow ; When You are present , whose chaft vertues stain The vaunted glories of her Maiden brain . I would not flatter . May that dyet feed Deform'd and vicious soules : they onely need Such physick , who grown sick of their decayes , Are onely cur'd with surfers of false praise ; Like those , who fall'n from Youth or Beauties grace , Lay colours on which more bely the face . Be You still what You are ; a glorious Theme For Truth to crown . So when that Diademe Which circles Your fair brow drops off , and time Shall lift You to that pitch our prayers climbe ; Posterity will pla● a nobler wreath , To crown Your fame and memory in death . This is sad truth and plain , which I might fear Would scarce prove welcome to a Princes ear ; And hardly may you think that Writer wise Who preaches there where he should poetize ; Yet where so rich a bank of goodness is , Triumphs and Feasts admit such thoughts as this ; Nor will your vertue from her Client turn , Although he bring his tribute in an urn . Enough of this : who knowes not when to end Needs must by ●edious diligence offend . 'T is not a Poets office to advance The precious value of allegiance . And least of all the rest do I affect To word my duty in this dialect . My service lies a better way , whose tone Is spirited by full devotion . Thus whil'st I mention You , Your Royal Mate ▪ And Those which your blest line perpetuate , I shall such votes of happiness reherse , Whose softest accents will out-tongue my verse . A salutation of his Majesties Ship the Soveraign . MOve on thou floating Trophee built to fame ! And bid her trump spread thy Majestick name ; That the blew Tritons , and those petty Gods Which sport themselves upon the dancing floods , May bow as to their N●ptune , when they feel The awful pressure of thy potent keel . Great wonder of the time ! whose form unites , In one aspect two warring opposites , Delight and horrour ; and in them portends Diff'ring events both to thy foes and friends● To these thy radiant b●ow , Peaces bright Sh●ine , Doth like that golden Constellation shine , Which guides the Sea man with auspicious beams , Safe and unshipwrackt through the troubled streams . But , as a blazing Meteor , to those It doth ostents of blood and death disclose . For thy rich Decks lighten like Heavens fires , To usher forth the thunder of thy Tires . O never may cross wind , or swelling wave Conspire to make the treach'rous sands thy grave : Nor envious rocks in their white foamy laugh Rejoyce to wear thy losses Epitaph . But may the smoothest , most successful gales Distend thy sheet , and wing thy flying sailes : That all designes which must on thee embark , May be securely plac't as in the Ark. May'st thou , where ere thy streamers shall display , Enforce the bold disputers to obey : That they whose pens are sharper then their swords , May yield in fact what they deny'd in words . Thus when th' amazed world our Seas shall see Shut from Usurpers , to their own Lord free , Thou may'st returning from the conquer'd Main , With thine own Triumphs be crown'd Soveraign . AN EPITAPH On his most honoured Friend Richard Earl of Dorset . LEt no profane ignoble foot tread neer This hallow'd peece of earth , Dorset lies here ▪ A small sad relique of a noble spirit , Free as the air , and ample as his merit ; Whose least perfection was large , and great Enough to make a common man compleat . A soul re●in'd and cull'd from many men , That reconcil'd the sword unto the pen , Using both well . No proud forgetting Lord , But mindful of mean names and of his word . One that did love for honour , not for ends , And had the noblest way of making friends By loving first . One that did know the Court , Yet understood it better by report Then practice , for he nothing took from thence But the kings favour for his recompence . One for religion , or his countreys good That valu'd not his Fortune nor his blood . One high in fair opinion , rich in praise ; And full of all we could have wisht , but dayes . He that is warn'd of this , and shall forbear To vent a sigh for him , or lend a tear ; May he live long and scorn'd , unpiti'd fall , And want a mourner at his funerall . The Exequy . ACcept thou Shrine of my dead Saint , Insteed of Dirges this complaint ; And for sweet flowres to crown thy hearse , Receive a strew of weeping verse From thy griev'd friend , whom thou might'st see Quite melted into tears for thee . Dear loss ! since thy untimely fate My task hath been to meditate On thee , on thee : thou art the book , The library whereon I look Though almost blind . For thee ( lov'd clay ) I languish out not live the day , Using no other exercise But what I practise with mine eyes : By which wet glasses I find out How lazily time creeps about To one that mourns : this , onely this My exercise and bus'ness is : So I compute the weary houres With sighs dissolved into showres . Nor wonder if my time go thus Backward and most preposterous ; Thou hast benighted me , thy set This Eve of blackness did bege● , Who was 't my day , ( though overcast Before thou had'st thy Noon-tide past ) And I remember must in tears , Thou scarce had'st seen so many years As Day tells houres . By thy cleer Sun My love and fortune first did run ; But thou wilt never more appear Folded within my Hemisphear , Since both thy light and motion Like a fled Star is fall'n and gon , And twixt me and my soules dear wish The earth now interposed is , Which such a strange eclipse doth make As ne're was read in Almanake . I could allow thee for a time To darken me and my fad Clime , Were it a month , a year , or ten , I would thy exile live till then ; And all that space my mirth adjourn , So thou wouldst promise to return ; And putting off thy ashy shrowd At length disperse this sorrows cloud . But woe is me ! the longest da●e Too narrow is to calculate These empty hopes : never shall I Be so much blest as to descry A glimpse of thee , till that day come Which shall the ●arth to cinders doome , And a fierce Feaver must calcine The body of this world like thine , ( My Little World ! ) that fit of fire Once off , our bodies shall aspire To our soules bliss : then we shall rise , And view our selves with cleerer eyes In that calm Region , where no night Can hide us from each others sight . Mean time , thou hast her earth : much good May my harm do thee . Since it stood With Heavens will I might not call Her longer mine , I give thee all My short-liv'd right and interest In her , whom living I lov'd best ▪ With a most free and bounteous grief , I give thee what I could not keep . Be kind to her , and prethee look Thou write into thy Dooms-day book Each parcell of this Rarity Which in thy Casket shrin'd doth ly : See that thou make thy reck'ning streight , And yield her back again by weight ; For thou must audit on thy trust Each graine and atome of this du●t , As thou wilt answer Him that lent , Not gave thee my dear Monument . So close the ground , and 'bout her shade Black curtains draw , my Bride is laid . Sleep on my Love in thy cold bed Never to be disquieted ! My last good night ! Thou wilt not wake Till I thy fate shall overtake : Till age , or grief , or sickness must Marry my body to that dust It so much loves ; and fill the room My heart keeps empty in thy Tomb. Stay for me there ; I will not faile To meet thee in that hallow Vale. And think not much of my delay ; I am already on the way , And follow thee with all the speed : Desire can make , or sorrows breed . Each minute is a short degree , And ev'ry houre a step towards thee . A● night when I betake to rest , Next morn I rise neerer my We●t Of life , almost by eight houres saile , Then when sleep breath'd his drowsie gale . Thus from the Sun my Bottom stears , And my dayes Compass downward bears : Nor labour I to stemme the tide Through which to Thee I swiftly glide . 'T is true , with shame and grief I yield , Thou like the Vann first took'st the field , And gotten hast the victory In thus adventuring to dy Before me , whose more years might crave A just precedence in the grave . But heark ! My Pulse like a soft Drum Beats my approch , tells Thee I come ; And slow howere my marches be , I shall at last sit down by Thee . The thought of this bids me go on , And wait my dissolution With hope and comfort . Dear ( forgive The crime ) I am content to live Divided , with but half a heart , Till we shall meet and never part . The Anniverse . AN ELEGY . SO soon grown old ! hast thou been six years dead ? Poor earth , once by my Love inhabited ! And must I live to calculate the time To which thy blooming youth could never climbe , But fell in the ascent ! yet have not I Studi'd enough thy losses history . How happy were mankind if Death's strict lawes Consum'd our lamentations like the cause ! Or that our grief turning to dust might end With the dissolved body of a friend ! But sacred Heaven ! O how just thou art In stamping deaths impression on that heart Which through thy favours would grow insolent , Were it not physick't by sharp discontent . If then it stand resolv'd in thy decree That still I must doom'd to a Desart be Sprung out of my lone thoughts , which know no path But what my own misfortune beaten hath : If thou wilt bind me living to a coarse , And I must slowly waste ; I then of force Stoop to thy great appointment , and obey That will which nought avail me to gainsay . For whil'st in sorrowes Maze I wander on , I do but follow lifes vocation . Sure we were made to grieve : at our first birth With cries we took possession of the earth ; And though the lucky man reputed be Fortunes adopted son , yet onely he Is Natures true born child , who summes his years ( Like me ) with no Arithmetick but tears . On two Children dying of one Disease , and buried in one Grave . BRought forth in sorrow , and bred up in care , Two tender Children here entombed are : One Place , one Sire , one Womb their being gave , They had one mortal sickness , and one grave . And though they cannot number many years In their Account , yet with their Patents tears This comfort mingles ; Though their dayes were few They scarcely sinne , but never sorrow knew : So that they well might boast , they carry'd hence What riper ages lose , their innocence . You pretty losses , that revive the fate Which in your mother death did antedate , O let my high-swol'n grief distill on you The saddest drops of a Parentall dew : You ask no other dower then what my eyes Lay out on your untimely exequies : When once I have discharg'd that mournfull skore , Heav'n hath decreed you ne're shall cost me more , Since you release and quit my borrow'd trust , By taking this inheritance of dust . A Letter . I Ne'r was drest in Forms ; nor can I bend My pen to flatter any , nor commend , Unless desert or honour do present Unto my verse a worthy argument . You are my friend , and in that word to me Stand blazon'd in your noblest Heraldry ; That style presents you full , and does relate The bounty of your love , and my own fate , Both which conspir'd to make me yours . A choice Which needs must in the giddy peoples voice , That onely judge the outside , and like apes Play with our names , and comment on our shapes , Appear too light : but it lies you upon To justifie the disproportion . Truth be my record , I durst not presume To seek to you , 't was you that did assume Me to your bosom . Wherein you subdu'd One that can serve you , though ne're could intrude Upon great titles ; nor knows how t' invade Acquaintance : Like such as are onely paid With great mens smiles ; if that the passant Lord Let fall a forc't salute , or but afford The Nod Regardant . It was test enough For me , you ne're did find such servile stuff Couch't in my temper ; I can freely say , I do not love you in that common way For which Great Ones are lov'd in this false time ▪ I have no wish to gain , nor will to climbe ; I cannot pawn my freedom , nor out-live My liberty for all that you can give . And sure you may retain good cheap such friends , Who not your fortune make , but you , their ends . I speak not this to vaunt in my own story , All these additions are unto your glory ; Who counter to the world , use to elect , Not to take up on trust what you affect . Indeed 't is seldom seen that such as you Adopt a friend , or for acquaintance sue ; Yet you did this vouchsafe , you did descend Below your self to raise an humble friend , And ●ix him in your love : where I will stand The constant subject of your free command . Had I no ayerie thoughts sure you would teach Me higher then my own dull sphere to reach : And by reflex instruct me to appear Something ( though course and plain ) fit for your wear . Know , best of friends , however wild report May justly say I am unapt to sort With your opinion or society , ( Which truth would shame me did I it deny ) There 's something in me sayes , I dare make good , When honour calls me , all I want in blood . Put off your Giant titles , then I can Stand in your judgements blank an equal man. Though Hills advanced are above the Plain , They are but higher earth , nor must disdain Alliance with the Vale : we see a spade Can level them , and make a Mount a Glade . Howere we differ in the Heralds book , He that mankindes extraction shall look In Natures Rolles , must grant we all agree , In our best parts , immortal pedigree : You must by that perspective onely view My service , else 't will nere shew worthy you . You see I court you bluntly like a friend Not like a Mistress ; my Muse is not penn'd For smooth and oylie flights : And I ●ndent To use more honesty then complement . But I have done ; in lieu of all you give Receive his thankful tribute who must live Your vow'd observer , and devotes a heart Which will in death seal the bold counterpart . An Acknowledgment . MY best of friends ! what needs a chain to tie One by your merit bound a Votarie ? Think you I have some plot upon my peace , I would this bondage change for a release ? Since 't was my fate your prisoner to be , Heav'n knows I nothing fear but libertie . Yet you do well that study to prevent , After so rich a stock of favour spent On one so worthless , left my memory Should let so dear an obligation dy Without Record . This made my precious Friend Her Token , as an Antidote to send Against forgetful poysons . That as they Who Vespers late , and early Mat●ins say Upon their Beads , so on this linked skore In golden numbers I might reckon o●e Your vertues and my debt , which does surmount The trivial laws of Popular account : For that within this emblematick knot Your beauteous mind , and my own fate is wrote . The sparkling constellation which combines The Lock , is your dear self , whose worth outshines Most of your sex : so solid and so clear You like a perfect Diamond appear ; Casting from your example fuller light Then those dimme sparks which glaze the brow of night , And gladding all your friends , as doth the ray Of that East-starre which wakes the cheerful day . But the black Map of death and discontent Behind that Adamantine firmament , That luckless figure which like Calvary Stands strew'd and coppy'd out in skuls , is I ▪ Whose life your absence clouds , and makes my tim● Move blindfold in the dark ecliptick line . Then wonder not if my removed Sun So low within the Western Tropick run ; My eyes no day in this Horizon see , Since where You are not all is night to one . Lastly , the anchor which enfastned lies Upon a pair of deaths , sadly applies That Monument of Rest which harbour must Our Ship-wrackt fortunes in a road of dust . So then how late soere my joyless life Be tired out in this affections strife : Though my tempestuous fancie like the skie Travail with stormes , and through my watry eie Sorrows high-going waves spring many a leak ; Though sighs blow loud til my hearts cordagebrea● Though Faith , and all my wishes prove untrue , Yet Death shall fix and anchor Me with You. 'T is some poor comfort that this mortal scope Will Period , though never Crown my Hope . The Acquittance . NOt knowing who should my Acquittance take , I know as little what discharge to mak● . The favour is so great , that it out-goes All forms of thankfulness I can propose . Those grateful levies which my pen would raise , Are stricken dumb , or bury'd in amaz● . Therefore , as once in Athens there was shown An Altar built unto the God unknown , My ignorant devotions must by guess This blind return of gratitude address , Till You vouchsafe to shew me where and how I may to this revealed Goddess bow . The Forfeiture . MY Dearest , To let you or the world know What Debt of service I do truly ow To your unpattern'd self , were to require A language onely form'd in the desire Of him that writes . It is the common fate , Of greatest duties to evaporate In silent meaning , as we often see Fires by their too much fuel smother'd be : Small Obligations may find vent and speak , When greater the unable debtor break , And such are mine to you , whose favours store , Hath made me poorer then I was before ; For I want words and language to declare How strict my Bond or large your bounties are . Since nothing in my desp'rate fortune found , Can payment make , nor yet the summe compound ▪ You must lose all , or else of force accept The body of a Bankrupt for your debt . Then Love , your Bond to Execution sue , And take my self , as forfeited to you . The Departure . AN ELEGY . VVEre I to leave no more then a good friend , Or but to hear the summons to my end , ( Which I have long'd for ) I could then with ease Attire my grief in words , and so appease That passion in my bosom , which outgrowes The language of strict verse or largest prose . But here I am quite lost ; writing to you All that I pen or think , is forc't and new . My faculties run cross , and prove as weak T' indite this melancholly task , as speak : Indeed all words are vain ● vell might I spare This rendring of my tortur'd thoughts in ayre , Or sighing paper . My infectious grief Strikes inward , and affords me no relief . But still a deeper wound , to lose a sight More lov'd then health , and dearer then the light . But all of us were not at the same time Brought forth , nor are we billited in one clime . Nature hath pitch't mankind at several rates , Making our places diverse as our fates . Unto that universal law I bow , Though with unwilling knee ; and do allow Her cruell justice , which dispos'd us so That we must counter to our wishes go . 'T was part of mans first curse , which order'd w●ll We should not alway with our likings dwell . 'T is onely the Triumphant Church where we Shall in unsever'd Neighbourhood agree . Go then best soul , and where You must appear Restore the Day to that dull Hemisphear . Nere may the hapless Night You leave behind Darken the comforts of Your purer mind . May all the blessings Wi●●es can invent Enrich your dayes , and crown them with co●tent , And though You travel down into the West , May Your lifes Sun stand fixed in the East , Far from the weeping set ; nor may my car Take in that killing whisper , You once were . Thus kiss I your fair hands , taking my leave As Prisoners at the Bar their doom receive . All joyes go with You : let sweet peace attend You on the way , and wait Your journeys end . But let Your discontents , and sowrer fate Remain with me , born off in my Retrait . Might all your crosses in that sheet of lead Which folds my heavy heart lie buried : 'T is the last service I would do You , and the best My wishes ever meant , or tongue profest . Once more I take my leave . And once for all , Our parting shews so like a funerall , It strikes my soul , which hath most right to be Chief Mourner at this sad solemnitie . And think not , Dearest , 'cause this parting knell Is rung in verses , that at Your farewell I onely mourn in Poetry and Ink : No , my Pens melancholy Plommets sink So low , they dive where th' hid affections sit , Blotting that Paper where my mirth was writ . Believ 't that sorrow truest is which lies Deep in the breast , not floating in the eies : And he with saddest circumstance doth part , Who seals his farewell with a bleeding heart . PARADOX . That it is best for a Young Maid to marry an Old Man. FAir one , why cannot you an old man love ? He may as useful , and more constant prove . Experience shews you that maturer years Are a security against those fears Youth will expose you to ; whose wild desire As it is hot , so 't is as rash as fire . Mark how the blaze extinct in ashes lies , Leaving no brand nor embers when it dies Which might the flame renew : thus soon consumes Youths wandring hea● , and vanishes in fumes . When ages riper love unapt to stray Though loose and giddy change of objects , may In your warm bosom like a cynder lie , 〈◊〉 and kindled by your sparkling eie . T is not 〈◊〉 , there are extremes in both Which may the fancie move to like or loath : 〈◊〉 of the two you better shall endure To marry with the Cramp then Calenture . Who would in wisdom choose the Torrid Zone Therein to settle a Plantation ? Merchants can tell you , those hot Climes were made But at the longest for a three years trade : And though the Indies cast the sweeter smell , Yet health and plenty do more Northward dwell ▪ For where the raging Sun-beams burn the earth , Her scorched mantle withers into dearth ; Yet when that drought becomes the Harvests cur●e , Snow doth the tender Corn most kindly nurse : Why now then wooe you not some snowy head To take you in meer pitty to his bed ? I doubt the harder task were to perswade Him to love you : for if what I have said In Virgins as in Vegetals holds true , Hee 'l prove the better Nurse to cherish you . Some men we know renown'd for wisdom grown By old records and antique Medalls shown ; Why ought not women then be held mo●t wise Who can produce living antiquities ? Besides if care of that main happiness Your sex triumphs in , doth your thoughts possess , I mean your beauty from decay to keep ; No wash nor mask is like an old mans sleep . Young wives need never to be Sun-burnt fear , Who their old husbands for Umbrellaes wear : How russet looks an Orchard on the hill To one that 's water'd by some neighb'ring Drill ? Are not the floated Medowes ever seen To flouri●h soonest , and hold longest green ? You may be sure no moist'ning lacks that Bride , Who lies with Winter thawing by her side . She should be fruitful too as fields that joyne Unto the melting waste of Appenine . Whil'st the cold morning-drops bedew the Rose , It doth nor leaf , nor smell , nor colour lose ; Then doubt no● Sweet ! Age hath supplies of wet To keep You like that flowr in water set . Dripping Catarrhs and Fontinells are things Will make You th●nk You grew betwixt two Springs . And should You not think so , You scarce allow The force or Merit of Your Marriage-Vow ; Where Maids a new Creed learn , & must from thence Believe against their own or others sence . Else Love will nothing differ from neglect , Which turns not to a vertue each defect . I le say no more but this ; you women make Your Childrens reck'ning by the Almanake . I like it well , so you contented are , To choose their Fathers by that Kalendar . Turn then old Erra Pater , and there see According to lifes posture and degree , What age or what complexion is most fit To make an English Maid happy by it ; And You shall find , if You will choose a man , Set justly for Your own Meridian , Though You perhaps let One and Twenty woo , Your elevation is for Fifty Two. PARADOX . That Fruition destroyes Love. LOve is our Reasons Paradox , which still Against the judgment doth maintain the Will : And governs by such arbitrary laws , It onely makes the Act our Likings cause : We have no brave revenge , but to forgo Our full desires , and starve the Tyrant so . They whom the rising blood tempts not to taste , Preserve a stock of Love can never waste ; When easie people who their wish enjoy , Like Prodigalls at once their wealth destroy . Adam till now had stayd in Paradise Had his desires been bounded by his eyes . When he did more then look , that made th' offence , And forfeited his state of innocence . Fruition therefore is the bane t' undoe Both our affection and the subject too . 'T is Love into worse language to translate , And make it into Lust degenerate : 'T is to De-throne , and thrust it from the heart , To seat it grossely in the sensual part . Seek for the Starre that 's shot upon the ground , And nought but a dimme gelly there is found . Thus foul and dark our female starres appear , If fall'n or loosned once from Vertues Sphear . Glow-worms shine onely look't on , and let ly , But handled crawl into deformity : So beauty is no longer fair and bright , Then whil'st unstained by the appetite ; And then it withers like a blasted flowre Some poys'nous worm or spider hath crept ore . Pigmaleon's dotage on the carved stone , Shews Amorists their strong illusion . Whil'st he to gaze and court it was content , He serv'd as Priest at beauties Monument : But when by looser fires t'embraces led , It prov'd a cold hard Statue in his bed . Irregular affects , like mad mens dreams Presented by false lights and broken beams , So long content us , as no neer address Shews the weak sense our painted happiness . But when those pleasing shaddowes us forsake , Or of the substance we a trial make , Like him , deluded by the fancies mock , We ship-wrack 'gainst an Alabaster rock . What though thy Mistress far from Marble be ? Her softness will transform and harden thee . Lust is a Snake , and Guilt the Gorgons head , Which Conscience turns to Stone , & Joyes to Lead . Turtles themselves will blush , if put to name The Act , whereby they quench their am'rous flame . Who then that 's wise or vertuous , would not feare To catch at pleasures which forbidden were , When those which we count lawful , cannot be Requir'd without some loss of modestie ? Ev'n in the Marriage-Bed , where soft delights Are customary and authoriz'd Rites ; What are those tributes to the wanton sense , But toleration of Incontinence ? For properly you cannot call that Love Which does not from the Soul , but Humour move . Thus they who worship't Pan or Is●s Shrine , By the fair Front judg'd all within Divine : Though entring , found 't was but a Goat or Cow To which before their ignorance did bow . Such Temples and such Goddesses are these Which foolish Lovers and admirers please : Who if they chance within the Shrine to pri● , Find that a beast they thought a Deity . Nor makes it onely our opinion less Of what we lik't before , and now possess ; But robbs the Fuel , and corrupts the Spice Which sweetens and inflames Loves sacrifice ▪ After Fruition once , what is Desire But ashes kept warm by a dying fire ? This is ( if any ) the Philosophers Stone , Which still miscarries at Projection . For when the Heat ad Octo intermits , It poorly takes us like Third Ague fits ; Or must on Embers as dull Druggs infuse , Which we for Med'cine not for Pleasure use . Since Lovers joyes then leave so sick a taste , And soon as relish'd by the Sense are past ; They are but Riddles sure , lost if possest , And therefore onely in Reversion best . For bate them Expectation and Delay , You take the most delightful Scenes away . These two such rule within the fancie keep , As banquets apprehended in our sleep ; After which pleasing trance next morn we wake Empty and angry at the nights mistake . Give me long Dreams and Visions of content , Rather then pleasures in a minute spent . And since I know before , the shedding Rose In that same instant doth her sweetness lose , Upon the Virgin-stock still let her dwell For me , to feast my longings with her smell . Those are but counterfeits of joy at best , Which languish soon as brought unto the test . Nor can I hold it worth his pains who tries To Inne that Harvest which by reaping dies . Resolve me now what spirit hath delight , If by full feed you kill the appetite ? That stomack healthy'st is , that nere was cloy'd , Why not that Love the best then , nere enjoy'd ? Since nat'rally the blood , when tam'd or sated , Will cool so fast it leaves the object hated . Pleasures like wonders quickly lose their price When Reason or Experience makes us wise . To close my argument then . I dare say ( And without Paradox ) as well we may Enjoy our Love and yet preserve Desire , As warm our hands by putting out the fire . The Change Il sabio mude conseio : Il loco persevera . WE lov'd as friends now twenty years and more : Is 't time or reason think you to give o're ? When though two prentiships set Jacob free , I have not held my Rachel dear at three . Yet will I not your levitie accuse ; Continuance sometimes is the worse abuse . In judgment I might rather hold it strange , If like the fleeting world , you did not change : Be it your wisdom therefore to retract , When perseverance oft is follies act . In pity I can think , that what you do Hath Justice in 't , and some Religion too ; For of all vertues Morall or Divine , We know but Love none must in Heaven shine : Well did you the presumption then foresee Of counterfeiting immortalitie : Since had you kept our loves too long alive , We might invade Heavens prerogative ; Or in our progress , like the Jews , comprise The Legend of an earthly Paradise . Live happy and more prosperous in the next , You have discharg'd your old friend by the Text. Farewel fair Shadow of a female faith , And let this be our friendships Epitaph : Affection shares the frailty of our fate , When ( like our selves ) 't is old and out of date : 'T is just all humane Loves their period have , When friends are frail and dropping to the grave ! To my Sister Anne King , who chid me in verse for being angry . DEar Nan , I would not have thy counsel lost , Though I last night had twice so much been crost ; Well is a Passion to the Market brought , When such a treasure of advice is bought With so much dross . And could'st thou me assure , Each vice of mine should meet with such a cure , I would sin oft , and on my guilty brow Wear every misperfection that I ow , Open and visible ; I should not hide But bring my faults abroad : to hear thee chide In such a Note , and with a Quill so sage , It Passion tunes , and calm●s a Tempests rage . Well I am charm'd , and promise to redress What , without shrift , my follies doe confess Against my self : wherefore let me intreat , When I fly out in that distemper'd heat Which frets me into fasts , thou wilt reprove That froward spleen in Poetry and Love : So though I lose my reason in such fits , Thou l't rime me back again into my wits . AN ELEGY Vpon the immature loss of the most vertuous Lady Anne Rich. I Envy not thy mortal triumphs , Death , ( Thou enemy to Vertue as to Breath ) Nor do I wonder much , nor yet complain The weekly numbers by thy arrow flain . The whole world is thy Factory , and we Like traffick driven and retail'd by Thee : And where the springs of life fill up so fast , Some of the waters needs must run to waste . It is confest , yet must our griefs dispute That which thine own conclusion doth refute Ere we begin . Hearken ! for if thy ear Be to thy throat proportion'd , thou canst hear . Is there no order in the work of Fate ? Nor rule , but blindly to antici●pate Our growing seasons ? or think'st thou 't is just , To sprinkle our fresh blossomes with thy dust , Till by abortive funerals , thou bring That to an Autumn Nature meant a Spring ? Is 't not enough for thee that wither'd age Lies the unpiti'd subject of thy rage ; But like an ugly Amorist , thy crest Must be with spoyles of Youth and Beauty drest ? In other Camps , those which fare down to day March first to morrow , and they longest stay Who last came to the service : But in thine , Onely confusion stands for discipline . We fall in such promiscuous heaps , none can Put any diff'rence 'twixt thy Rear or Van ; Since oft the youngest lead thy Files . For this The grieved world here thy accuser is , And I a Plaintiff , 'mongst those many ones Who wet this Ladies Urn with zealous moanes ; As if her ashes quick'ning into years Might be again embody'd by our tears But all in vain ; the moisture we bestow Shall make assoon her curled Marble grow , As render heat , or motion to that blood , Which through her veins branch't like an azure flood , Whose now still Current in the grave is lost , Lock't up , and fetter'd by eternal frost . Desist from hence , doting Astrology ! To search for hidden wonders in the sky ; Or from the concourse of malignant starres Foretel diseases gen'ral as our warres : What barren droughts , forerunners of lean dear● ▪ Threaten to starve the plenty of the earth : What horrid forms of darkness must affright The sickly world , hast'ning to that long night Where it must end . If there no Portents 〈◊〉 , No black eclipses for the Kalendar , Our times sad Annals will remembred be Ith'loss of bright Northumberland and Thee : Two Starres of Court , who in one fatal year By most untimely set dropt from their Sphear . Shee in the winter took her flight , and soon As her perfections : reach't the point of Noon , Wrapt in a cloud , contracted her wisht stay Unto the measure of a short-liv'd day . But Thou in Summer , like an early Rose By Deaths cold hand nipp'd as Thou didst disclose , Took'st a long day to run that narrow stage , Which in two gasping minutes summ'd thy age . And , as the fading Rose , when the leaves shed Lies in its native sweetness buried , Thou in thy vertues bedded and inherst Sleep'st with those odours thy pure fame disperst . Where till that Rising Morn thou must remain , In which thy wither'd flowres shall spring again . And greater beauties thy wak't body vest Then were at thy departure here possest . So with full eyes we close thy vault . Content ( With what thy loss bequeaths us ) to lament , And make that use of thy griev'd funerall , As of a Chryst●ll broken in the fall ; Whose pitti'd fractures gather'd up , and set , May smaller Mirrours for Thy Sex beget ; There let them view themselves , untill they see The end of all their glories shew'n in Thee . Whil'st in the truth of this sad tribute , I Thus strive to Canonize thy Memory . AN ELEGY Vpon Mrs. Kirk unfortunately drowned in Thames . FOr all the Ship-wracks , and the liquid graves Lost men have gain'd within the furrow'd waves , The Sea hath fin'd and for our wrongs paid use , When its wrought foam a Venus did produce . But what repair wilt thou unhappy Thames Afford our losse ? thy dull unactive streames Can no new beauty raise , nor yet restore H●r who by thee was ravisht from our shore : Whose death hath stain'd the glory of thy flood , And mixt the guilty Channel with her blood . O Neptune ! was thy favour onely writ In that loose Element where thou dost sit ? That after all this time thou should'st repent Thy fairest blessing to the Continent ? Say , what could urge this Fate ? is Thetis dead , Or Amphitrite from thy wet armes fled ? Was 't thou so poor in Nymphs , that thy moist love Must be maintain'd with pensions from above ? If none of these , but that whil'st thou did'st sleep Upon thy sandy pillow in the deep , This mischief stole upon us : may our grief Waken thy just revenge on that slie thief , Who in thy fluid Empire without leave , And unsuspected , durst her life bereave . Henceforth invert thy order , and provide In gentlest floods a Pilot for our guide . Let rugged Seas be lov'd , but the Brooks smile Shunn'd like the courtship of a Crocodile ; And where the Current doth most smoothly pass , Think for her sake that stream deaths Looking-glass , To shew us our destruction is most neer , When pleasure hath begot least sense of fear . Else break thy forked Scepter 'gainst some Rock , If thou endure a flatt'ring calm to mock Thy far-fam'd pow'r , and violate that law Which keeps the angry Ocean in aw . Thy Trident will grow useless , which doth still Wild tempests , if thou let tame rivers kill . Mean time we ow thee nothing . Our first debt Lies cancell'd in thy watry Cabinet . We have for Her thou sent'st us from the Main , Return'd a Venus back to thee again . AN ELEGY Vpon the death of Mr. Edward Holt. VVHether thy Fathers , or diseases rage , More mortal p●ov'd to thy unhappy age , Our sorrow needs not question ; since the first Is known for length and sharpness much the worst . Thy Feaver yet was kind ; which the ninth day Fo● thy misfortunes made an easie way . When th' other barbarous and Hectick fit , In nineteen winters did not intermit . I therefore vainly now not ask thee why Thou didst so soon in thy Youths mid-way dy : But in my sence the greater wonder make Thy long oppressed heart no sooner brake , Of force must the neglected blossom fall When the tough root becomes unnaturall , And to his branches doth that sap deny , Which them with life and verdure should supply . For Parents shame , let it forgotten be , And may the sad example die with thee . It is not now thy grieved friends intent To render thee dull Pities argument . Thou hast a bolder title unto fame , And at Edge-Hill thou didst make good the claime ; When in thy Royal Masters Cause and Warre Thy ventur'd life brought off a noble skarre . Nor did thy faithful services desist Till death untimely strook thee from the List. Though in that prouder vault then , which doth tomb Thy ancestors , thy body find not room , Thine own deserts have purchas'd thee a place , Which more renowned is then all thy race ; For in this earth thou dost enn●bled ly With marks of Valour and of Loyalty . To my dead friend Ben : Iohnson . I See that wreath which doth the wearer arm 'Gainst the quick strokes of thunder , is no charm To keep off deaths pale dart . For , Iohnson then Thou hadst been number'd still with living men . Times sithe had fear'd thy Lawrel to invade , Nor thee this subject of our sorrow made . Amongst those many votaries who come To offer up their Garlands at thy Tombe ; Whil'st some more lofty pens in their bright verse ( Like glorious Tapers flaming on thy herse ) Shall light the dull and thankless world to see , How great a maim it suffers wanting thee ; Let not thy learned shadow scorn , that I Pay meaner Rites unto thy memory ; And since I nought can adde , but in desire Restore some sparks which leapt from thine own fire . What ends soever others quills invite , I can p●otest , it was no itch to write , Nor any vain ambition to be read , But meerly Love and Justice to the dead Which rais'd my fameless Muse ; and caus'd her bring These drops , as tribute thrown into that spring , To whose most rich and fruitful head we ow The purest streams of language which can flow . For 't is but truth , thou taught'st the ruder age To speake by Grammar , and reform'dst the Stage : Thy Comick Sock induc'd such purged sence , A Lucrece might have heard without offence . Amongst those soaring wits that did dilate Our English , and advance it to the rate And value it now holds , thy self was one Helpt lift it up to such proportion . That thus refin'd and roab'd , it shall not spare With the full Greek or Latine to compare . For what tongue ever durst , but ours , translate Great Tully's Eloquence , or Homers State ? Both which in their unblemisht lustre shine , From Chapmans pen , and from thy Catiline . All I would ask for thee , in recompence Of thy successful toyl and times expence , Is onely this poor Boon : that those who can Perhaps read French , or talk Italian , Or do the lofty Spaniard affect ; To shew their skill in Forrein Dialect , Prove not themselves so unnaturally wise , They therefore should their Mother-tongue despise . ( As if her Poets both for style and wit Not equall'd , or not pass'd their hest that writ ) Untill by studying Iohnson they have known The height and strength and plenty of their own . Thus in what low earth or neglected room Soere thou sleep'st , thy book shall be thy tomb . Thou wilt go down a happy Coarse , bestrew'd With thine own Flowres ; and feel thy self renew'd , Whil'st thy immortal never-with'ring Bayes Shall yearly flourish in thy Readers praise . And when more spreading Titles are forgot , Or spight of all their Lead and Sear-cloth rot , Thou wrapt and Shrin'd in thine own sheets , wilt ly A Relick fam'd by all Posterity . AN ELEGY Vpon Prince Henry's death . KEep station Nature , and rest Heaven sure On thy supporters shoulders , lest past cure , Thou dasht in ru●ne fall by a griefs weight Will make thy basis shrink , and lay thy height Low as the Center Heark ! and feel it read Through the astonisht Kingdom , Henry's dead . It is enough ; who seeks to aggravate One strain beyond this , prove more sharp his fate Then sad our doom ▪ The world dares not survive To parallel this woes superlative . O killing Rhetorick of Death ! two words Breathe stronger terrours then Plague , Fire , or Swords Ere conquer'd . This were Epitaph and Verse Worthy to be pre●ixt in Natures herse , Or Earths sad dissolution ; whose fall Will be less grievous though more generall : For all the woe ruine ere buried , Sounds in these fatal accents , Henry's dead . Cease then unable Poetry , thy phrase Is weak and dull to strike us with amaze Worthy thy vaster subject . Let none dare To coppy this sad hap , but with despair Hanging at his quills point . For not a stream Of Ink can write much less improve this Theam . Invention highest wrought by grief or wit Must sink with him , and on his Tomb-stone split . Who , like the dying Sun , tells us the light And glory of our Day set in his Night . AN ELEGY Vpon S. W. R. I Will not weep , for 't were as great a sin To shed a tear for thee , as to have bin ▪ An Actor in thy death . Thy life and age Was but a various Scene on fortunes Stage , With whom thou tugg'st & strov'st ev'n out of breath In thy long toil : nere master'd till thy death ; And then despight of trains and cruell wit , Thou did'st at once subdue malice and it . I dare not then so blast thy memory As say I do lament or pity thee . Were I to choose a subject to bestow My pity on , he should be one as low In spirit as desert . That durst not dy But rather were content by slavery To purchase life : or I would pity those Thy most industrious and friendly foes : Who when they thought to makethee scandals story Lent thee a swifter flight to Heav'n and glory . That thought by cutting off some wither'd dayes , ( Which thou could'st spare them ) to eclipse thy praise ; Yet gave it brighter foil , made thy ag'd fame Appear more white and fair , then foul their shame : And did promote an Execution Which ( but for them ) Nature and Age had done . Such worthless things as these were onely born To live on Pities almes ( too mean for scorn . ) Thou dy'dst an envious wonder , whose high fate The world must still admire , scarce imitate . AN ELEGY Vpon the L. Bishop of London Iohn King. SAd Relick of a blessed Soul ! whose trust We sealed up in this religious dust . O do not thy low Exequies suspect As the cheap arguments of our neglect . 'T was a commanded duty that thy grave As little pride as thou thy self should have . Therefore thy covering is an humble stone , And but a word * for thy inscription . When those that in the same earth neighbour thee , Have each his Chronicle and Pedigree : They have their waving pennons and their flagges , ( Of Matches and Alliance formal bragges . ) VVhen thou ( although from Ancestors thou came Old as the Heptarchy , great as thy Name ) Sleep'st there inshrin'd in thy admired parts , And hast no Heraldry but thy deserts . Yet let not Them their prouder Marbles boast , For They rest with less honour , though more cost . Go , search the world , and with your Mattox wound The groaning bosom of the patient ground : Digge from the hidden veins of her dark womb All that is rare and precious for a tomb : Yet when much treasure , and more time is spent You must grant Hi● the nobler Monument . Whose Faith stands ore Him for a Hearse , and hath The Resurrection for His Epitaph . Vpon the death of my ever desired friend Doctor Donne Dean of Pauls . TO have liv'd eminent in a degreee Beyond our lofty'st flights , that is like thee ; Or t' have had too much merit is not safe ; For such excesses find no Epitaph . At common graves we have Poetick eyes Can melt themselves in easie Elegies ; Each quill can drop his tributary verse , And pin it with the Hatchments , to the Herse : But at thine , Poem or inscription ( Rich Soul of wit and language : ) we have none ; Indeed a silence does that Tomb besit Where is no Herald left to blazon it . Widdow'd invention justly doth forbear To come abroad knowing thou art not here , Late her great Patron ; whose prerogative Maintain'd and cloth'd her so , as none alive Must now presume to keep her at thy rate , Though he the Indies for her dowre estate ; Or else that awful fire , which once did burn In thy clear brain , now fall'n into thy Urn. Lives there to fright rude Empericks from thenc● ; Which might profane thee by their ignorance : Who ever writes of thee , and in a style Unworthy such a Theme , does but revile Thy precious dust , and wake a learned spirit Which may revenge his rapes upon thy merit . For all a low-pitcht fancie can devise , Will prove at best but hallow'd injuries . Thou , like the dying Swan , didst lately sing Thy mournful Dirge in audience of the King ; When pale looks , and faint accents of thy breath , Presented so to life that piece of death , That it was fear'd and prophesi'd by all Thou thither cam'st to preach thy Funerall . O! hadst thou in an Elegiack knell Rung out unto the world thine own farewell ; And in thy high victorious numbers beat The solemn measure of thy griev'd retreat : Thou might'st the Poets service now have mist , As well as then thou didst prevent the Priest : And never to the world beholden be , So much as for an Epitaph for thee . I do not like the office . Nor is 't fit Thou , who didst lend our age such summes of wit , Should'st now reborrow from her Bankrupt Mine That Ore to bury thee , which once was thine . Rather still leave us in thy debt ; and know ( Exalted Soul ! ) More glory 't is to ow Unto thy Herse what we can never pay , Then with embased coin those Rites defray . Commit we then Thee to Thy Self : nor blame Our drooping loves , which thus to thine own fame Leave Thee Executour : since but thy own No pen could do Thee Justice , nor Bayes crown Thy vast desert ; save that we nothing can Depute to be thy ashes Guardian . So Jewellers no Art or Metal trust To form the Diamond , but the Diamonds dust . AN ELEGY Vpon the most victorious King of Sweden Gustavus Adolphus . LIke a cold fatal sweat which ushers death My thoughts hang on me , & my lab'ring breath Stopt up with sighs , my fancie big with woes , Feels two twinn'd mountains struggle in her throws , Of boundless sorrow one , ●other of sin ; For less let no one rate it to begin Where honour ends . In Great Gustavus flame That style burnt out , and wasted to a name , Does barely live with us . As when the stuff That fed it ●ailes , the Taper turns to snuff . With this poor snuff , this ayerie shadow , we Of Fame and Honour must contented be ; Since from the vain grasp of our wishes fled Their glorious substance is , now He is dead . Speak it again , and louder , louder yet ; Else whil'st we hear the sound we shall forget What it delivers . Let hoarse rumor cry Till she so many ecchoes multiply , Those may like num'rous witnesses confute Our unbelieving soules , that would dispute And doubt this truth for ever . This one way Is left our incredulity to sway ; To waken our deaf sense , and make our ears As open and dilated as our fears ; That we may feel the blow , and feeling grieve , At what we would not feign , but must believe . And in that horrid faith behold the world From her proud height of expectation hurl'd , Stooping with him , as if she strove to have No lower Center now then Swedens grave . O could not all thy purchas'd victories Like to thy Fame thy Flesh immortalize ? Were not thy vertue nor thy valour charmes To guard thy body from those outward harmes Which could not reach thy soul ? could not thy spirit Lend somewhat which thy frailty might inherit From thy diviner part , that Death nor Hate Nor envy's bullets ere could penetrate ? Could not thy early Trophies in stern fight Torn from the Dane , the Pole , the Moscovite ? Which were thy triumphs seeds , as pledges sown , That when thy honours harvest was ripe grown , With full-summ'd wing thou Falcon-like wouldst fly And cuff the Eagle in the German sky : Forcing his iron beak and feathers feel They were not proof 'gainst thy victorious steel . Could not all these protect thee ? or prevaile To fright that Coward Death , who oft grew pale To look thee and thy battails in the face ? Alas they could not : Destiny gives place To none ; nor is it seen that Princes lives Can saved be by their prerogatives . No more was thine ; who clos'd in thy cold lead , Dost from thy self a mournful lecture read Of Mans short-dated glory : learn you Kings , You are like him but penetrable things ; Though you from Demi-Gods derive your birth , You are at best but honourable earth : And howere sifted from that cour●er bran Which does compound and knead the common man , Nothing 's immortal or from earth refin'd About you , but your Office and your Mind . Here then break your false Glasses , which present You greater then your Maker ever meant : Make truth your Mirrour now , since you find all That flatter you confuted by his fall . Yet since it was decreed thy lifes bright Sun Must be eclips'd ere thy fuil course was run , Be proud thou didst in thy black Obsequies With greater glory set then others rise . For in thy death , as life , thou heldest one Most just and regular proportion . Look how the Circles drawn by Compass meet Indivisibly joyned head to feet , And by continued points which them unite Grow at once Circular and Infinite : So did thy Fate and honour now contend To match thy brave beginning with thy end . Therefore thou hadst instead of Passing bells The Drums and Cannons thunder for thy knells ; And in the Field thou did'st triumphing dy , Closing thy eye-lids with a victory : That so by thousands who there lost their breath King-like thou might'st be waited on in death . Liv'd Plutarch now , and would of Caesar tell , He could make none but Thee his parallel ; Whose tide of glory swelling to the brim Needs borrow no addition from Him. When did great Julius in any Clime Atchieve so much and in so small a time ? Or if he did , yet shalt Thou in that land Single for him and unexampled stand . When ore the Germans first his Eagle towr'd What saw the Legions which on them he pour'd ? But massie bodies , made their swords to try Subjects not for his fight * , but slavery . In that so vast expanded peece of ground ( Now Swedens Theater and Tomb ) he found Nothing worth Caesars valour , or his fear , No conqu'ring Army , nor a Tilley there , Whose strength nor wiles , nor practice in the warre Might the fierce Torrent of thy triumphs barre , But that thy winged sword twice made him yield , Both from his trenches beat , and from the field . Besides the R●mane thought he had done much Did he the bank of Rhenus onely touch . But though his march was bounded by the Rhine Not Oder nor the Danube Thee confine ; And but thy frailty did thy fame prevent , Thou hadst thy conquests strecht to such extent , Thou might'st Vienna reach , and after span From Mulda to the Baltick Ocean . But death hath spann'd thee : nor must we divine What heir thou leav'st to finish thy design , Or who shall thee succeed as Champion For liberty and for religion . Thy task is done ; as in a Watch the spring Wound to the height , relaxes with the string : So thy steel nerves of conquest , from their steep Ascent declin'd , lie slackt in thy last sleep . Rest then triumphant soul ! for ever rest ! And , like the Phoenix in her spicy nest , Embalm'd with thine own merit , upward fly , Born in a cloud of perfume to the sky . Whil'st , as in deathless Urnes , each noble mind Treasures thy ashes which are left behind . And if perhaps no Cassiopeian spark ( Which in the North did thy first rising mark ) Shine ore thy Herse : the breath of our just praise Shall to the Firmament thy vertues raise ; Then fix , and kindle them into a Starre , Whose influence may crown thy glorious warre . — O Famâ ingens ingentior armis Rex Gustave , quibus Coelo te laudibus aequem ? Virgil. Aeneid . lib. 2. To my Noble and Iudicious Friend Sir Henry Blount upon his Voyage . SIR , I must ever own my self to be Possest with humane curiositie Of seeing all that might the sense invite By those two baits of profit and delight : And since I had the wit to understand The terms of Native or of forreign land ; I have had strong and oft desires to tread Some of those voyages which I have read . Yet still so fruitless have my wishes p●ov'd , That from my Countreys smoke I never mov'd : Nor ever had the fortune ( though design'd ) To satisfie the wandrings of my mind . Therefore at last I did with some content , Beguile my self in time , which others spent ; Whose art to Provinces small lines allots , And represents large Kingdomes but in spots . Thus by Ortelius and Mercators aid Through most of the discover'd world I strai'd . I could with ease double the Southern Cape , And in my passage Affricks wonders take : Then with a speed proportion'd to the Scale Northward again , as high as Zemla sayl . Oft hath the travel of my eye outrun ( Though I sat still ) the journey of the Sun : Yet made an end , ere his declining beams Did nightly quench themselves in Thetis streams . Oft have I gone through Aegypt in a day , Not hinder'd by the droughts of Lybia ; In which , for lack of water tides of sand By a dry deluge overflow the land . There I the Pyramids and Cairo see , Still famous for the warres of Tomombee , And its own greatness ; whose immured fence Takes fourty miles in the circumference . Then without guide , or stronger Caravan Which might secure the wild Arabian , Back through the scorched Desarts pass , to seek Once the worlds Lord , now the beslaved Greek , Made by a Turkish yoak and fortunes hate In language as in mind , degenerate . And here all wrapt in pity and amaze I stand , whil'st I upon the Sultan gaze ; To think how he with pride and rapine fir'd So vast a Territory hath acquir'd ; And by what daring steps he did become The Asian fear , and scourge of Christendome : How he archiev'd , and kept , and by what arts He did concenter those divided parts ; And how he holds that monstrous bulk in aw , By setled rules of tyrannie , not Law : So Rivers large and rapid streams began , Swelling from drops into an Ocean . Sure who ere shall the just extraction bring Of this Gigantick power from the spring ; Must there confess a higher Ordinance Did it for terrour to the earth advance . For mark how 'mongst a lawless straggling crew Made up of Arab , Saracen , and Iew , The worlds disturber , faithless Mahomet Did by Impostures an opinion get : O're whom he first usurps as Prince , and than As Prophet does obtrude his Alcoran . Next , how fierce Ottoman his claim made good From that unblest Religion , by blood ; Whil'st he the Eastern Kingdomes did deface , To make their ruine his proud Empires base . Then like a Comet blazing in the skies , How Death-portending Amurath did rise , When he his horned Crescents did display Upon the fatal Plains of Servia ; And farther still his sanguin tresses spread , Till Croya Life and Conquests limited . Lastly , how Mahomet thence styl'd the Great , Made Constantines his own Imperial Seat ; After that he in one victorious bond Two Empires graspt , of Greece and Trabezond . This , and much more then this , I gladly read , Where my relators it had storyed ; Besides that Peoples Manners and their Rites , Their warlike discipline and order'd fights ; Their desp'rate valour , hardned by the sence Of unavoided Fate and Providence : Their habit , and their houses , who confer Less cost on them then on their Sepulchre : Their frequent washings , and the several Bath Each Meschit to it self annexed hath : What honour they unto the Musty give , What to the Soveraign under whom they live : What quarter Christians have ; how just and free To inoffensive Travellers they be : Though I confess , like stomacks fed with news , I took them in for wonder , nor for use , Till your experienc'd and authentick pen Taught me to know the places and the men ; And made all those suspected truths become Undoubted now , and cleer as Axiom . Sir , for this work more then my thanks is due ; I am at once inform'd and cur'd by you . So that , were I assur'd I should live o're My periods of time run out before ; Nere needed my erratick wish transport Me from my Native lists to that resort , Where many at outlandish Marts unlade Ingenuous manners , and do onely trade For vices and the language . By your eyes I here have made my full discoveries ; And all your Countreys so exactly seen , As in the voyage I had sharer been . By this you make me so ; and the whole land Your debtour : which can onely understand How much she owes you , when her sons shall try The solid depths of your rare history , Which looks above our gadders trivial reach , The Common Place of travellers , who teach But Table-talk ; and seldomly aspire Beyond the Countres Dyet or Attire ; Whereas your piercing judgement does relate The Policy and Manage of each State. And since she must here without envy grant That you have further journey'd the Levant Then any noble spirit by her bred Hath in your way as yet adventured ; I cannot less in justice from her look , Then that she henceforth Canonize your book A Rule to all her travellers , and you The brave example ; from whose equal view Each knowing Reader may himself direct , How he may go abroad to some effect , And not for form : what distance and what trust In those remo●er parts observe he must : How he with jealous people may converse , Yet take no hurt himself by that commerce . So when he shall imbark'd in dangers be , Which wit and wary caution not foresee ; If he partake your valour and your brain , He may perhaps come safely off again , As you have done ; though not so richly fraught As this return hath to our Staple brought . I know your modesty shuns vulgar praise , And I have none to bring : but onely raise This monument of Honour and of Love , Which your long known deserts so far improve , They leave me doubtfull in what style to end , Whether more your admirer or your friend . To my honoured Friend Mr. George Sandys . IT is , Sir , a confest intrusion here That I before your labours do appear , Which no loud Herald need , that may proclaim Or seek acceptance , but the Authors fame . Much less that should this happy work commend , Whose subject is its licence , and doth send It to the world to be receiv'd and read , Far as the glorious beams of truth are spread . Nor let it be imagin'd that I look Onely with Customes eye upon your book ; Or in this service that 't was my intent T'exclude your person from your argument : I shall profess much of the love I ow , Doth from the root of our extraction grow ; To which though I can little contribute , Yet with a naturall joy I must impute To our Tribes honou● , what by you is done Worthy the title of a Prelates son . And scarcely have two brothers farther borne A Fathers name , or with more value worne Their own , then two of you ; whose pens and feet Have made the distant Points of Heav'n to meet ; He by exact discoveries of the * West , Your self by painful travels in the East . Some more like you might pow'rfully confute Th'opposers of Priests marriage by the fruit . And ( since t is known for all their streight vow'd life , They like the sex in any style but wise ) Cause them to change their Cloyster for that State Which keeps men chaste by vowes legitimate : Nor shame to father their relations , Or under Nephews names disguise their sons . This Child of yours born without spurious blot , And fairly Midwiv'd as it was begot , Doth so much of the Parents goodness wear , You may be proud to own it for your Heir . Whose choice acquits you from the common sin Of such , who finish worse then they begin : You mend upon your self , and your last strain Does of your first the start in judgment gain ; Since what in curious travel was begun , You here conclude in a devotion . Where in delightful raptures we desc●y As in a Map , Sions Chorography Laid out in so direct and smooth a line , Men need not go about through Palestine : Who seek Christ here will the streight Rode prefer , As neerer much then by the Sepulchre . For not a limb growes here , but is a path ; Which in Gods City the blest Center hath : And doth so sweetly on each passion strike , The most fantastick taste will somewhat like . To the unquiet soul Ioh still from hence Pleads in th' example of his patience . The mo●tify'd may hear the wise King preach , When his repentance made him fit to teach . Nor shall the singing Sisters be content To chant at home the Act of Parliament , Turn'd out of reason into rhime by one Free of his trade , though not of Helicon , Who did in his Poetick zeal contend Others edition by a worse to mend . Here are choice Hymnes and Carolls for the glad , With melancholy Dirges for the sad : And David ( as he could his skill transfer ) Speaks like himself by an interpreter . Your Muse rekindled hath the Prophets fire , And tun'd the strings of his neglected Lyre ; Making the Note and Ditty so agree , They now become a perfect harmonie . I must confess , I have long wisht to see The Psalmes reduc'd to this conformity : Grieving the songs of Sion should be sung In phrase not diff'ring from a barbatous tongue . As if , by custome warranted , we may Sing that to God we would be loth to say . Far be it from my purpose to upbraid Their honest meaning , who first offer made That book in Meeter to compile , which you Have mended in the form , and built anew : And it was well , considering the time , Which hardly could distinguish verse and rhime . But now the language , like the Church , hath won More lustre since the Reformation ; None can condemn the wish or labour spent Good matter in good words to represent . Yet in this jealous age some such there be , So without cause afraid of novelty , They would not ( were it in their pow'r to choose ) An old ill practise for a better lose . Men who a rustick plainnesse so affect , They think God served best by their neglect . Holding the cause would be profan'd by it , Were they at charge of learning or of wit. And therefore bluntly ( what comes next ) they bring Course and unstudy'd stuffs for offering ; Which like th' old Tabernacles cov'ring are , Made up of Badgers skins , and of Goats haire . But these are Paradoxes they mu●t use Their sloth and bolder ignorance t' excuse . Who would not laugh at one will naked go , 'Cause in old hangings truth is pictur'd so ? Though plainness be reputed honours note , They mantles use to beautify the coat ; So that a curious ( unaffected ) dress Addes much unto the bodies comeliness : And wheresoere the subjects best , the sence Is better'd by the speakers eloquence . But , Sir , to you I shall no trophee raise From other mens detraction or dispraise : That Jewel never had inherent worth , Which askt such foils as these to set it forth . If any quarrel your attempt or style , Forgive them ; their own folly they revile . Since , 'gainst themselves , their factious envy shall Allow this work of yours Canonicall . Nor may you fear the Poets common ●ot , Read , and commended , and then quite forgot : The brazen Mines and Marble Rocks shall wast , When your foundation will unshaken last . 'T is fames best pay , that you your labours see By their immortal subject crowned be . For nere was writer in oblivion hid Who firm'd his name on such a Pyramid . The Woes of Esay . VVOe to the worldly men whose covetous Ambition labours to joyn house to house , Lay field to field , till their inclosures edge The Plain , girdling a countrey with one hedge : That leave no place unbought , no piece of earth Which they will not ingross , making a dearth Of all inhabitants , untill they stand Unneighbour'd as unblest within their land . This sin cryes in Gods ear , who hath decreed The ground they sow shall not return the seed . They that unpeopled countreys to create Themselves sole Lords , made many desolate To build up their own house , shall find at last Ruine and fearful desolation cast Upon themselves . Their Mansion shall become A Desart , and their Palace prove a tombe . Their vines shall barren be , their land yield tares ; Their house shall have no dwellers , they no heires . Woe unto those that with the morning Sun Rise to drink wine , and sit till he have run His weary course ; not ceasing untill night Have quencht their understanding with the light : Whose raging thirst , like fire , will not be tam'● , The more they poure the more they are inflam'd . Woe unto them that onely mighty are To wage with wine ; in which unhappy war They who the glory of the day have won , Must yield them foil'd and vanquisht by the tu● . Men that live thus , as if they liv'd in jest , Fooling their time with Musick and a feast ; That did exile all sounds from their soft ear But of the harp , must this sad discord hear Compos'd in threats . The feet which measures tread Shall in captivity be fettered : Famine shall scourge them for their vast excess ; And Hell revenge their monstrous drunkenness ; Which hath enlarg'd it self to swallow such , Whose throats nere knew enough , though still too much Woe unto those that countenance a sin , Siding with vice that it may credit win . By their unhallow'd vote : that do benight The truth with errour , putting dark for light , And light for dark ; that call an evil good , And would by vice have vertue understood : That with their frown can sowre an honest cause , Or sweeten any bad by their applause . That justify the wicked for reward ; And void of morall goodness or regard , Plot with detraction to traduce the fame Of him whose merit hath enroll'd his name Among the just . Therefore Gods vengeful ire Glows on his people , and becomes a fire Whose greedy and exalted flame shall burn , Till they like straw or chaffe to nothing turn . Because they have rebell'd against the right , To God and Law perversly opposite , As Plants which Sun nor showres did ever bless , So shall their root convert to rottenness ; And their successions bud , in which they trust , Shall ( like Gomorrahs fruit ) moulder to dust . Woe unto those that drunk with self-conceit , Value their own designs at such a rate Which humane wisdome cannot reach ; that sit Enthron'd , as sole Monopolists of wit : That out-look reason , and suppose the eye Of Nature blind to their discovery , Whil'st they a title make to understand What ever secret's bosom'd in the land . But God shall imp their pride , and let them see They are but fools in a sublime degree : He shall bring down and humble those proud eyes , In which false glasses onely they lookt wise : That all the world may laugh , and learn by it , There is no folly to pretended wi● . Woe unto those that draw iniquity With cords , and by a vain security Lengthen the sinful trace , till their own chain Of many links form'd by laborious pain , Do pull them into Hell ; that as with lines And Cart-ropes drag on their unwilling crimes : Who , rather then they will commit no sin , Tempt all occasions to let it in . As if there were no God , who must exact The strict account for ●'ry vicious fact ; Nor judgement after death . If any be , Let him make speed ( say they ) that we may see . Why is his work retarded by delay ? Why doth himself thus linger on the way ? If there be any judge , or future doome , Let It and Him with speed together come . Unhappy men , that challenge and defie The coming of that dreadful Majestie ! Better by much for you , he did reverse His purpos'd sentence on the Universe ; Or that the creeping minutes might adjourn Those flames in which you with the earth must burn ; That times revolting hand could lag the year , And so put back his day which is too near . Behold his sign 's advanc'd like colours fly , To tell the world that his approch is nigh ; And in a furious march , he 's coming on Swift as the raging inundation , To scowre the sinful world ; 'gainst which is bent Artillery that never can be spent : Bowes strung with vengeance , and flame-feather'd dar●s Headed with death , to wound transgressing hearts His Chariot wheeles wrapt in the whirlewinds gyre ' His horses hoov'd with flint , and shod with fire : In which amaze where ere they fix their eye , Or on the melting earth , or up on high To seek Heavens shrunk lights , nothing shall appear But night and horrour in their Hemisphere : Nor shall th' affrighted sence more objects know Then darkned skies above , and Hell below . An Essay on Death and a Prison . A Prison is in all things like a grave , Where we no better priviledges have Then dead men , nor so good . The soul once fled Lives freer now , then when she was cloystered In walls of flesh ; and though she organs want To act her swift designs , yet all will grant Her faculties more clear , now separate , Then if the same conjunction , which of late Did marry her to earth , had stood in force , Uncapable of death , or of divorce : But an imprison'd mind , though living , dies , And at one time feels two captivities ; A narrow dungeon which her body holds , But narrower body which her self enfolds . Whil'st I in prison ly , nothing is free , Nothing enlarg'd but thought and miserie ; Though e'ry chink be stopt , the doors close barr'd , Despight of walls and locks , through e'ry ward These have their issues forth ; may take the aire , Though not for health , but onely to compare How wretched those men are who freedom want , By such as never suffer'd a restraint . In which unquiet travel could I find Ought that might settle my distemper'd mind , Or of some comfort make discovery It were a voyage well imploy'd : but I , Like our raw travellers that cross the seas To fetch home fashions or some worse disease , Instead of quiet a new torture bring Home t' afflict me , malice and murmuring . What is 't I envy not ? no dog nor fly But my desires prefer , and wish were I ; For they are free , or if they were like me , They had no sense to know calamitie . But in the grave no sparks of envy live , No hot comparisons that causes give Of quarrel , or that our affections move Any condition , save their own , to love . There are no objects there but shade●s and night , And yet that darkness better then the light . There lives a silent harmony , no jar Or discord can that swee● soft consort mar . The graves deaf ear is clos'd against all noise Save that which rocks must hear , the angels voice : Whose trump shall wake the world , and raise up men Who in earths bosom slept , bed-rid till then . What man then would , who on deaths pillow slumbers , Be re-inspir'd with life , though golden numbers Of bliss were pour'd into his breast ; though he Were sure in change to gain a Monarchie ? A Monarchs glorious state compar'd with his , Less safe , less free , less firm , less quiet is . For nere was any Prince advanc't so high That he was out of reach of misery : Never did story yet a law report To banish fate or sorrow from his Court ; Where ere he moves by land , or through the Main , These go along sworn members of his train . But he whom the kind earth hath entertain'd , Hath in her womb a sanctuary gain'd , Whose charter and protection arm him so , That he is priviledg'd from future woe . The Coffin's a safe harbour , where he rides Land-bound , below cross windes , or churlish tides . For grief , sprung up with life , was mans half-brother Fed by the taste , brought forth by sin , the mother . And since the first seduction of the wife , God did decree to grief a lease for life ; Which Patent in full force continue must , Till man that disobey'd revert to dust . So that lifes sorrows ratifi'd by God Cannot expire , or find their period , Untill the soul and body disunite , And by two diff'rent wayes from each take flight , But they dissolved once our woes disband , Th' assurance cancell'd by one fatall hand ; Soon as the passing bell proclaims me dead , My sorrows sink with me , lye buried In the same heap of dust , the self-same Urn Doth them and me alike to nothing turn . If then of these I might election make Whether I would refuse , and whether take , Rather then like a sullen Anchorite I would live cas'd in stone , and learn to write A Prisoners story , which might steal some tears From the sad eyes of him that reads or hears ; Give me a peaceful death , and let me meet My freedom seal'd up in my winding sheet . Death is the pledge of rest , and with one bayl Two Prisons quits , the Body and the Jayl . The Labyrinth . LIfe is a crooked Labyrinth , and we Are daily lost in that Obliquity . 'T is a perplexed circle , in whose round Nothing but sorrows and new sins abound . How is the faint impression of each good Drown'd in the vicious Channel of our blood ? Whose Ebbes and tides by their vicissitude Both our great Maker and our selves delude . O wherefore is the most discerning eye U●●pt to make its own discovery ? Why is the clearest and best judging mind In her own ills prevention dark and blind ? Dull to advise , to act precipitate , We scarce think what to do but when too late . Or if we think , that fluid thought , like seed Rots there to propagate some fouler deed . Still we repent and sin , sin and repent ; We thaw and freeze , we harden and relent . Those fires which cool'd to day the morrows heat Rekindles . Thus frail nature does repeat What she unlearnt , and still by learning on Perfects her lesson of confusion . Sick soul ! what cure shall I for thee devise , Whose leprous state corrupts all remedies ? What medicine or what cordial can be got For thee , who poyson'st thy best antidot ? Repentance is thy bane , since thou by it Onely reviv'st the fault thou didst commit . Nor griev'st thou for the past , but art in pain For fear thou mayst not act it o're again . So that thy tears , like water spilt on lime , Serve not to quench , but to advance the crime . My blessed Saviour ! unto thee I flie For help against this homebred tyrannie . Thou canst true sorrows in my soul imprint , And draw contrition from a breast of flint . Thou canst reverse this labyrinth of sin My wild affects and actions wander in . O guide my faith ! and by thy graces clew Teach me to hunt that kingdom at the view Where true joyes reign , which like their day shall last ; Those never clouded , nor that overcast . Being waked out of my sleep by a snuff of Candle which offended me , I thus thought . PErhaps 't was but conceit . Erroneous sence ! Thou art thine own distemper and offence . Imagine then , that sick unwholsom steam Was thy corruption breath'd into a dream . Nor is it strange , when we in charnells dwe●● , That all our thoughts of earth and frailty smell . Man is a Candle , whose unhappy light Burns in the day , and smothers in the night . And as you see the dying taper waste , By such degrees does he to darkness haste . Here is the diff'rence : When our bodies lamps Blinded by age , or choakt with mortall damps , Now faint and dim and s●ckly 'gin to wink , And in their hollow sockets lowly sink ; When all our vital fires ceasing to burn , Leave nought but snuff and ashes in our Urn : God will restore those fallen lights again , And kindle them to an Eternal flame . Sic Vita . LIke to the falling of a Starre ; Or as the flights of Eagles are ; Or like the fresh springs gawdy hew ; Or silver drops of morning dew ; Or like a wind that chafes the-flood ; Or bubbles which on water stood ; Even such is man , whose borrow'd light Is streight call'd in , and paid to night . The wind blowes out ; the Bubble dies ; The Spring entomb'd in Autumn lies ; The Dew dries up ; the Starre is shot ; The Flight is past ; and Man forgot . My Midnight Meditation . ILL busi'd man ! why should'st thou take such care To lengthen out thy lifes short Kalendar ? When e'ry spectacle thou lookst upon Presents and acts thy execution . Each drooping season and each flower doth cry , Fool ! as I fade and wither , thou must dy . The beating of thy pulse ( when thou art well ) Is just the tolling of thy Passing Bell : Night is thy Hearse , whose sable Canopie Covers alike dec●ased day and thee . And all those weeping dewes which nightly fall , Are but the tears shed for thy funerall . A Penitential Hymne . HEarken O God unto a Wretches cryes Who low dejected at thy footstool lies . Let not the clamour of my heinous sin Drown my requests , which strive to enter in At those bright gates , which alwaies open stand To such as beg remission at thy hand . Too well I know , if thou in rigour deal I can nor pardon ask , nor yet appeal : To my hoarse voice , heaven will no audience grant , But deaf as brass , and hard as adamant Beat back my words ; therefore I bring to thee A gracious Advocate to plead for me . What though my leprous soul no Iordan can Recure , nor flouds of the lav'd Ocean Make clean ? yet from my Saviours bleeding side Two large and medicinable rivers glide . Lord , wash me where those streams of life abound , And new Bethesdaes flow from ev'ry wound . If I this precious Lather may obtain , I shall not then despair for any stain ; I need no Gileads balm , nor oyl , nor shall I for the purifying Hyssop call : My spots will vanish in His purple flood , And Crimson there turn white , though washt with blood , See Lord ! with broken heart and bended knee , How I address my humble suit to Thee ; O give that suit admittance to thy ears Which floats to thee not in my words but tears : And let my sinful soul this mercy crave Before I fall into the silent grave . AN ELEGY Occasioned by sickness . VVEll did the Prophet ask , Lord what is man ? Implying by the question none can But God resolve the doubt , much less define What Elements this child of dust combine . Man is a stranger to himself , and knowes Nothing so naturally as his woes . He loves to travel countreys , and confer The sides of Heavens vast Diameter : Delights to sit in Nile or Boetis lap , Before he hath sayl'd over his own Map ; By which means he returnes , his travel spent , Less knowing of himself then when he went. Who knowledge hunt kept under forrein locks , May bring home wit to hold a Paradox , Yet be fools still . Therefore might I advise , I would inform the soul before the eyes : Make man into his proper Opticks look , And so become the student and the book With his conception , his first leaf , begin ; What is he there but complicated sin ? When ripe● time , and the approaching birth Ranks him among the creatures of the earth , His wailing mother sends him forth to greet The light , wrapt in a bloudy winding sheet ; As if he came into the world to crave No place to dwell in , but bespeak a grave . Thus like a red and tempest-boading morn His dawning is : for being newly born He hayles th' ensuing storm with shrieks and cryes , And fines for his admission with wet eyes : How should that Plant whose leaf is bath'd in tea●s Bear but a bitter fruit in elder years ? Just such is this , and his maturer age Teems with event more sad then the presage . For view him higher , when his childhoods span Is raised up to Youths Meridian ; When he goes proudly laden with the fruit Which health , or strength , or beauty contribute ; Yet as the mounted Canon batters down The Towres and goodly structures of a town : So one short sickness will his force defeat , And his frail Cittadell to rubbish beat . How does a dropsie melt him to a floud , Making each vein run water more then bloud ? A Chollick wracks him like a Northern gust , And raging feavers crumble him to dust . In which unhappy state he is made worse By his diseases then his makers curse . God said in toyl and sweat he should earn bread , And without labour not be nourished : Here , though like ropes of falling dew , his sweat Hangs on his lab'ring brow , he cannot eat . Thus are his sins scourg'd in opposed themes , And luxuries reveng'd by their extremes . He who in health could never be content With Rarities fetcht from each Element , Is now much more afflicted to delight His tasteless Palate , and lost appetite . Besides though God ordain'd , that with the light Man should begin his work , yet he made night For his repose , in which the weary sense Repaires it self by rests soft recompence . But now his watchful nights , and troubled dayes Confused heaps of fear and fancy raise . His chamber seems a loose and trembling mine ; His Pillow quilted with a Porcupine : Pa●● makes his downy Couch sharp thornes appear , And ev'ry feather prick him like a spear . Thus when all forms of death about him keep , He copies death in any form but sleep . Poor walking-clay ! hast thou a mind to know To what unblest beginnings thou dost ow Thy wretched self ▪ fall sick a while , and than Thou wilt conceive the pedigree of Man. Learn shalt thou from thine own Anatomie , That earth his mother , wormes his sisters be . That he 's a short-liv'd vapour upward wrought ▪ And by corruption unto nothing brought . A stagg'ring Meteor by cross Planets beat , Which often ●ecles and falles before his set : A tree which withers faster then it growes ; A torch puff't out by ev'●y wind that blowes ; A web of fourty weekes spun forth in pain , And in a moment ravell'd out again . This is the Model of frail man : Then say That his duration's onely for a day : And in that day more fits of changes pass , Then Atomes run in the turn'd Hower-glass . So that th' incessant cares which life invade Might for strong truth their heresie perswade , Who did maintain that humane soules are sent Into the body for their punishment : At least with that Greek Sage still make us cry , * Not to be born , or being born to dy . But Faith steers up to a more glorious scope , Which sweetens our sharp passage ; and firm hope Anchors our torne Barks on a blessed shore , Beyond the Dead sea we here ferry o're . To this , Death is our Pilot , and disease The Agent which solicites our release . Though crosses then poure on my restless head , Or lingring sickness nail me to my bed : Let this my Thoughts eternall comfort bee , That my clos'd eyes a better light shall see . And when by fortunes or by natures stroke My bodies earthen Pitcher must be broke , My Soul , like Gid●ons lamp , from her crackt urn Shall Deaths black night to endlesse lustre turn . The Dirge . VVHat is th'Existence of Mans life ? But open war , or slumber'd strife . Where sickness to his sense presents The combat of the Elements : And never feels a perfect Peace Till deaths cold hand signs his release . It is a storm where the hot blood Out-vies in rage the boyling flood ; And each loud Passion of the mind Is like a furious gust of wind , Which beats his Bark with many a Wave Till he casts Anchor in the Grave . It is a flower which buds and growes , And withers as the leaves disclose ; Whose spring and fall faint seasons keep , Like fits of waking before sleep : Then shrinks into that fatal mold Where its first being was enroll'd . It is a dream , whose seeming truth Is moraliz'd in age and youth : Where all the comforts he can share As wandring as his fa●cies a●e ; Till in a mist of dark decay The dreamer vanis● qui●e away . It is a Diall , which points out The Sun-set a● it moves about : And shadowes out in lines of night The subtile stages of times flight , Till all obscuring earth hath laid The body in perpetual shade . It is a weary enterlude Which doth short joyes , long woes include . The World the Stage , the Prologue tears , The Acts vain hope , and vary'd fears : The Scene shuts up with loss of breath , And leaves 〈◊〉 Epilogue but Death . AN ELEGY Occasioned by the losse of the most incomparable Lady Stanhope , daughter to the Earl of Northumberland . LIghtned by that dimme Torch our sorrow bears We sadly trace thy Coffin with our tears ; And though the Ceremonious Rites are past Since thy fair body into earth was east ; Though all thy Ha●chments into ragges are torne , Thy Funerall Robes and Ornaments outworn ; We still thy mourners without Shew or Art , With solemn Blacks hung round about our heart , Thus constantly the Obsequie● renew Which to thy precious ●●mory are due . Yet think not that we rudely would invade The dark recess of thine untroubled shade , Or give disturbance to that happy peace Which thou enjoy'st at full since thy release ; Much less in fullen murmurs do complain Of His decree who too● thee back again , And did e're Fame had spread thy vertues light , Eclipse and fold thee up in endless night . This like an act of envy not of grief Might doubt thy bliss , and shake our own belief , Whose studi'd wishes no proportion bear With joyes which crown thee now in glories sphere . Know then blest Soul ! we for our selves not thee Seal our woes dictate by this Elegie : Wherein our tears united in one streame Shall to succeeding times convey this theme , Worth all mens pity who discern how rare Such early growths of fame and goodness are . Of these part must thy sexes loss bewail Maim'd in her noblest Patterns through thy fail ; For 't would require a double term of life To match thee as a daughter or a wife : Both which Northumberlands dear loss improve And make his sorrow equal to his love . The rest fall for our selves , who cast behind Cannot yet reach the Peace which thou dost find ; But slowly follow thee in that dull stage Which most untimely poasted hence thy age . Thus like religious Pilgrims who designe A short salute to their beloved Shrine , Most sad and humble Votaries we come To offer up our sighs upon thy Tomb , And wet thy Marble with our dropping eyes Which till the spring which feedstheir current drie● Resolve each falling night and rising day This mournfull homage at thy Grave to pay . FINIS . ERRATA . PAge 2. The Pink never wrote by the Author of these Poems . Pag. 22. lin . 8. for she read alr . Pag. 100. lin . 3. for Mattox read Mattocks . AN ELEGY Upon my Best Friend L. K. C. SHould we our Sorrows in this Method range , Oft as Misfortune doth their Subjects change , And to the sev'ral Losses which befall , Pay diff'rent Rites at ev'ry Funeral ; ●ike narrow Springs drain'd by dispersed Streams , We must want Tears to wail such various Themes , ●nd prove defective in Deaths mournfull Laws , Not having Words proportion'd to each Cause . In your Dear loss my much afflicted Sense , Discerns this Truth by sad experience , Who never Look'd my Verses should survive , As wet Records , That you are not Alive ; And less desir'd to make that Promise due , Which pass'd from Me in jest , when urg'd by You. How close and slily doth our Frailty work ! How undiscover'd in the Body lurk ! That Those who this Day did salute you well , Before the Next were frighted by your Knell . O wherefore since we must in Order rise , Should we not Fall in equal Obsequies ? But bear th' A●s●ults of an uneven Fate , Like Feavers which their Hour anticipate ; Had this R●le constant been , my long wish'd End Might render you a Mourner for your Friend : As He for yo● , wh●s● most deplor'd s●rprise Im●rints your Death on all my Faculties ; That hardly my 〈◊〉 Phant'sie or D●sco●rse , This final D●ty from the Pen inforce : Such Influence hath your Eclipsed Light , It doth my Reason like my Self benight . Let me , with Luckless Gamesters , then think best ( After I have Set up and Lost my Rest , ) Grow'n desp'rate through mischance , to Venture last My whole remaining Stock upon a Cast , And ●linging from me my now Loathed Pen , Resolve for your Sake nev'r to Write agen : For whilst Successive days their Light renew , I must no Subject hope to Equal you , In whose Heroick Brest as in their Sphear , All Graces of your Sex concentred were . Thus take I my long Farewell of that Art , Fit only glorious Actions to impart ; That Art wherewith our Crosses we beguile , And make them in Harmonious numbers smile : Since you are gone , This holds no further use , Whose Virtue and Desert inspir'd my Muse. O may She in your Ashes Buried be , Whilst I my Self become the Elegie . And as it is observ'd when Princes Dye , In honour of that sad Solemnity , The now unoffic'd Servants crack their Staves , And throw them down into their Masters Graves : So this last O●fice of my broken Verse , I solemnly resign upon your Hearse ; And my Brains moisture , all that is unspent , Shall melt to nothing at the Monument . Thus in moist Weather when the Marble weeps , You 'l think it only his Tears reck'ni●g keeps , Who doth for ever to his Thoughts beq●eath The Legacy of your lamented Death . On the Earl of Essex . ESsex twice made unhappy by a Wife , Yet Marry'd worse unto the Peoples strife : He who by two Divorces did untie His Bond of Wedlock and of Loyalty : Who was by Easiness of Nature bred , To lead that Tumult which first Him misled ; Yet had some glimm'ring Sparks of Virtue lent To see ( though late ) his Errour , and Repent : Essex lies here , like an inverted Flame , Hid in the Ruins of his House and Name ; And as He , frailties sad Example , lies , Warns the Survivours in his Exequies . He shews what wretched bubbles Great Men are , Through their Ambition grown too Popular : For they Built up , from weak Opinion , stand On Bases false as Water , loose as Sand ; Essex in differing Successes try'd The fury and the falshood of each Side ; Now with applauses Deisy'd , and then Thrown down with spightfull infamy agen : Tells them , what Arts soever them support , Their Life is meerly Time and Fortunes sport , And that no Bladders blown by Common breath , Shall bear them up amidst the Waves of Death : Tells them no Monstrous Birth , with Pow'r endu'd By that more Monstrous Beast the Multitude ; No State - Coloss ( though Tall as that bestrid The Rhodian Harbour where their Navy rid ) Can hold that ill-porportion'd Greatness still , Beyond his Greater , most Resistless will , Whose dreadfull Sentence written on the Wall Did sign the Temple Robbing * Tyrants fall ; But Spight of their vast Priviledge , which strives T' exceed the Size of ten Prerogatives ; Spight of their Endless Parliament , or Grants , ( In Order to those Votes and Covenants , When , without Sense of their black Perjury They Swear with Essex they would Live and Dye ) With their Dead General ere long they must Contracted be into a Span of Dust. An Elegy on Sir Charls Lucas , and Sir George Lisle . IN measures solemn as the groans that fall From the hoarse Trumpet at some Funerall ; With trayling Elegy and mournfull Verse I wait upon two Pearless So●ldiers Hearse : Though , I acknowledge must , my sorrowes dress Ill matched to the cause it should Express ; Nor can I , at my best Inventions cost , Sum up the Treasure which in them we lost : Had they with other Worthies of the Age , Who late upon the Kingdomes bloody Stage , For God , the King , and Laws , their Valour try'd , Through Warrs stern chance in heat of Battel Dy'd , We then might save much of our griefs expence Reputing it not duty , but offence . They need no tears nor howling Exequy , Who in a glorious undertaking Dye ; Since all that in the bed of honour fell Live their own Monument and Chronicle . But these , whom horrid danger did not reach , The wide-mouth'd Cannon , nor the wider Breach , These , whom till cruel want and coward fate Penn'd up like famish'd Lions in a Grate , Were for their daring Sallies so much fear'd Th' Assailants fled them like a frighted Heard ; Resolving now no more to fight , but lurk Trench'd in their Line or earth'd within a Work. Where not like Souldiers they , but Watchmen , creep , Arm'd for no other office but to sleep : They , whose bold charge whole Armies did amaze , Rendring them saint and heartless at the Gaze , To see Resolve and * Naked Valour charmes Of higher Proof than all their massy Armes : They whose bright swords ruffled the proudest Troop ( As fowl unto the towring Falcon stoop ) Yet no advantage made of their Success Which to the conquer'd spake them merciless ; ( For they , when e'r 't was begg'd did safety give , And oft unasked bid the vanquish'd live ; ) Ev'n these , not more undaunted in the Field Than mild and Gentle unto such as yield , Were , after all the shocks of battails stood , ( Let me not name it ) murther'd in cold blood . Such poor revenge did the enraged Greek Against ( till then ) victorious Hector seek , Triumphing o'r that Body bownd and dead From whom in Life the Pow'rs of Argos fled . Yet might Achillis borrow some excuse To colour , though not warrant the abuse : His dearest * Friend in the fierce combate foyl'd Was by the Trojans hand of Life despoyl'd ; From whence unr●ly grief grown wild with rage Beyond the bownds of Honour did engage . But these , confirm'd in their unmanly hate , By Counsels cruel yet deliberate , Did from the Stock of bleeding honour hew Two of the noblest Branches ever grew ; And ( which our grief and Pitty must improve ) When brought within their reach with shews of Love : For by a Treaty they entangled are , And Rendring up to Mercy is the Snare ; Whence we have learn'd when e'r their Saint-Ships Treat , Then ends are mortall , and the means a Cheat ; In which the World may read their black intent , Drawn out at large in this sad President . Who ( though fair promis'd ) might no Mercy have , But such as once the faithless * Bashaw gave , When to his trust deluded Bragadine Himse●f and Famogasta did resign . Whose envy'd Valour thus to bonds betray'd Was soon the mark of barb'rous slaughter made : So gallant Shipps which rocks and storms had past , Though with torn Sails and spending of their Mast , When newly brought within the sight of Land , Have been suckt up by some devouring Sand You wretched Agents for a Kingdoms fall , Who yet your selves the Modell'd Army call ; Who carry on and fashion your Design By Syllaes , Syllaes red proscriptions Line , ( Romes Comet once , as You are Ours ) for shame Henceforth no more usurp the Souldiers Name : Let not that Title in fair Battails gain'd Be by such abject things as You profan'd ; For what have you atchiev'd , the world may guess You are those Men of Might which you profess . Where ever durst You strike , if you met foes Whose Valour did your odds in men oppose ? Turn o're the Annalls of your vaunted Fights Which made you late the Peoples Favourites ; Begin your course at Naseby , and from thence Draw out Your Marches full circumference , ●ridgwater , Bristol , Dartmouth , with the rest Of Your well-plotted renders in the West ; Then to the angry North Your compass bend Untill Your spent careere in Scotland end , ( This is the perfect Scale of our mishap Which measures out your conquest by the Mapp ) And tell me he that can , What have you won , Which long before Your progress was not done ? What Castle was besieg'd , what Port , what Town , You were not sure to carry ' ere sat down ? There needed no Granadoes , no Petard , To force the passage , or disperse the Guard. No , Your good Masters sent a Golden Ramm To batter down the gates against You came . Those blest Reformers who procur'd the * Swead His armed Forces into Denmark lead , 'Mongst them to kindle a sharp warr for hire , Who in mear pitty meant to quench our fire , Could where they pleased with the King 's own coyn , Divert His Aids and Strengths at home purloyn . Upon Sea Voyages I sometimes find Men trade with Lapland Witches for a Wind , And by those p●rchas'd Gales , quick as their thought , To the desired Port are safely brought . We need not here on skillfull Hopkins call The States allow'd Witch-finder General . For ( though Rebellion wants no Cad nor El●e , But is a perfect Witchcra●t of it self ) We could with little help of art reveal Those learn'd Magitians with whom You deal : We all Your Juggles both for Time and Place From Darby-house to Westmiaster can Trace , The Circle where the factious Jangle meet To Trample Law and Gospel under feet ; In which , like Bells Rung backward , they proclaim The Kingdom by their Wild-fire set on flame , And , quite Perverting their First Rules , invent What mischief may be done by Parliament : We know Your holy Flamens , and can tell What Spirits Vote within the Oracle ; Have found the spells and Incantations too , By whose assistance You such Wonders do . For divers Years the credit of Your warrs Hath been kept up by these Familiars , Who that they may their providence express Both find you Pay and purchase Your Success : No wonder then You must the Garland wear , Who never fought but with a Silver Spear . We grant the Warrs unhappy consequence With all the num'rous Plagues which grow from thence , Murthers and Rapes , threats of Disease and Dearth , From You as for the proper Spring take birth : You may for Laws enact the Publick Wrongs , With all fowl Violence to them belongs ; May bawl aloud the Peoples Right and Pow'r Till by Your Sword You both of them Devour , ( For this brave Liberty by You up-cry'd Is to all others but Your-selves deny'd , ) May with seditious fires the Land embroyl , And in pretence to quench them take the Spoyl : You may Religion to Your lust sabdue , For these are actions only Worthy You : Yet when your Projects , crownd with wish'd event , Have made You Masters of the ill You meant , You never must the Souldiers glory share , Since all your Trophies Executions are : Not thinking your Successes understood , Unless Recorded and Scor'd up in Blood. In which , to Gull the People , you pretend , That * Military Justice was Your end ; As if we still were Blind , not knowing this To all your other Virtues suited is ; Who only Act by your great Grandsires Law , The B●tcher Cade , Wat Tyler , and Iack Straw , Whose Principle was Murther , and their Sport To cut off those they fear'd might do them hurt : Nay , in your Actions we compleated find , What by those Levellers was but design'd , For now Committees , and your Arm'd supplies , Cant●● the Land in * petty Tyrannies , And for one King of Commons in each Shire , Four hundred Commons rule as Tyrants here . Had you not meant the Copies of each Deed , Should their Originals in ill exceed , You would not practice sure the Turkish Art , To Ship your taken Pris'ners for a Mart , Least if with Freedome they at Home remain , They should ( which is your Terrour ) Fight again . A thing long since by Zealous Rigby mov'd , And by the Faction like himself approv'd ; Though you uncounsell'd can such Outrage try , Scarce sampled from the basest Enemy . Naseby of Old , and late St. * Fagans Fare , Of these inhumane Truckings witness are ; At which the Captiv'd Welch in Couples led , Were Marketted , like Cattel , by the Head. Let it no more in History be told , That Turks their Christian Slaves for Aspers sold ; When we the Saints selling their Brethren see , Who had a Call ( they say ) to set them free ; And are at last by Right of Conquest grown , To claim our Land of Canaan for their own . Though luckless Colchester in this out-vies , ●giers or Tunis shamefull Merchandise ; Where the Starv'd Souldier ( as th' agreement was ) Might not be suffer'd to their Dwelling pass , Till , led about by some insulting Band , They first were shew'd in Triumph through the Land : 〈◊〉 which for lack of Dyet , or of Strength 〈◊〉 any Fainted through the Marches length , Void of the Breasts of Men , * this Murth'rous Crew All those they could drive on no further , Slew ; What Bloody Riddle 's this ? They mercy give , Yet those who should enjoy it , must not Live. Indeed we cannot less from s●ch expect , Who for this Work of Ruine are Elect : This Scum drawn from the worst , who never knew The Fr●its which from Ingenuous Breeding grew ; But take such low Commanders on their Lists , As did revolted Ieroboam Priests : That 't is our Fate , I fear , to be undone Like Aegypt once with Vermin over-run . If in the Rabble some be more refin'd By fair Extractions of their birth or mind , Ev'n these corrupted are by s●ch allays , That no Impression of their Vertue stays ▪ As Gold embased by some mingled Dross Both in it's Worth and Nature s●ffers Loss . Else had that Sense of Honour still Surviv'd Which Fairfax from his Ancestors deriv'd , He ne'r had shew'd Himself , for hate or fear , So much degen'r●us from renowned Ver● ( The Title and Alliance of whose Son His Acts of Valour had in Holland won ) , As to give up by his rash dooming Breath This precious Pair of Lives to timeless death ; Whom no brave Enemy but would esteem , And , though with hazard of his own , redeem ▪ For 't is not vainly by the world f●rmis'd This Blood to private Spleens was sacrifis'd . Half of the guilt stands chardgd on Whaleys score , By Lis●e affronted on his guards before ; For which his spight by other hands was shew'n , Who never durst dispute it with his own . ●wice guilty coward ! first by Vote , then Eye , Spectator of the shamefull Tragedy . But Lucas elder cause of quarrell Knew , From whence his Critical Misfortune grew ▪ Since he from Berkley Castle with such scorn Bold Ra●sboro●gh's first Summons did return , Telling him Lo●dly at the Parley 's Beat , With Rogues and Rebells He disdain'd to Treat ; Some from this hot contest the world perswade His sleeping vengeance on that ground was laid : If so , for ever blurr'd with Envies brand , His Honour gain'd by Sea , was lost at Land : Nor could he an impending Judgment shun Who did to this with so much fervour run , When late himself , to quit that Bloody stain , Was , midst his Armed Guards , from Pomsret slain . But all in vain we here expostulate What took them hence , private or publick hate : Knowledge of acted VVoes small comforts add , VVhen no repair proportion'd can be had : And such are ours , which to the Kingdomes eyes Sadly present ensuing miseries , Fore-telling in These Two some greater ill From Those who now a Pattent have to Kill . Two , whose dear loss leaves us no recompence , Nor them attonement , which in weight or Sense VVith These shall never into Ballance come Though all the Army fell their Hecatomb . Here leave them then ; and be 't our last relief To give their merit Value in our grief . VVhose blood however yet neglected must Without revenge or Rites mingle with Dust ; Not any falling drop shall ever dry Till to a Weeping Spring it multiply , Bath'd in whose tears their blasted Laurell shall Grow green , and with fresh Garlands Crown their fall . From this black region then of Death and Night Great Spirits take your everlasting flight : And as your Valours mounting fires combine , May they a brighter Constellation shine Than Gemini , or than the Brother-Starrs Castor and Pollux fortunate to warrs . That all fair Souldiers by Your sparkling light May find the way to Conquer when they Fight , And by those Paterns which from you they take Direct their course though Honours Zodiak : But upon Traitors frown with dire Aspect , Which may their perjuries and guilt reflect ; Unto the Curse of whose Nativity , Prodigious as the Caput Algol be , VVh●se pale and ghastly Tresses still portend Their own despair or Hangman for their end , And that succeeding ages may keep safe Your Lov'd remembrance in some Epitaph , Upon the rains of your glorious Youth Inscribed be this Monumentall Truth : Here ly the Valiant Lucas and brave Lysle , VVith Amasa betray'd in Ioabs smile : In whom revenge of Honour taking place His great Corrivall's stabb'd in the Embrace , And as it was the Hebrew Captains stain That he two Greater than himself had Slain , Shedding the Blood of Warr in time of Peace , VVhen Love pretended was , and Arms did cease , May the fowl Murtherers expect a fate Like Ioabs , Blood with Blood to expiate : VVhich quick as Lightning , and as Thunder sure , Preventions wisest arts nor shun , nor cure . O may it fall on their perfidious head ! That when , with Ioab to the Altar fled , Themselves the Sword and reach of vengence ●lee No Temple may their Sanctuary be . Last , that nor frailty nor devouring time May ever lose impressions of the Crime , Let loyal Colch●s●●r ( who too late try'd To Check , when highest wrought , the Rebels Pride , Holding them long , and doubtfull at the bay , VVhilest we by looking on gave all away ) Be only Nam'd : which like a Columne bail● Shall both enhearse this blood ●n-nobly spilt , And live , till all her Towres in rubbish lye The Mon●ments of their base Cruelty . An Elegy upon the most Incomparable King Charls the First . CAll for amazed thoughts , a wo●nded sen●● And bleeding Hearts at , our Intelligence . Call for that Trump of Death the Mandrak●● 〈◊〉 VVhich kills the Hearer● : This besits alone O●r Story which thro●gh times vast Calendar , Must stand without Example or Repair . VVhat spouts of melting Clo●ds , what endl●ss Sp●ing●● Powr'd in the Oceans lap for Offering● , Shall feed the hungry Torrent of our grief Too mighty for expression or belief ? Though all those moistures which the brain attracts Ran from eyes like g●shing Cataracts , Or our sad accents could out-tongue the Cryes VVhich did from mournful Hadad●●mmon ri●e , Since that remembrance of Iosiah slain In our King's m●rther is reviv'd again . O pardon me that but from Holy VVrit Our loss allowes no Parallel to it : Nor call it bold presumption that I dare Cha●ls with the best of Iadah's Kings compare : The vertues of whose life did I prefer The Text acquits me for no Flatterer . For he like David perfect in his Trust , VVas never stayn'd like Him , with Blood or Lust. One who with Solomon in Judgment try'd , VVas quick to comprehend , VVise to decide , ( That even his Judges stood amaz'd to hear A more tra●s●●ndent Mover in their Sphear ) Though more Religious : for when doting Love A while made Solom●n Apostate prove , Charls nev'r endur'd the Truth which he profest , To be unfixt by bosome interest . Bold as Iehosapha● , yet forc'd to Fight , And for his own , no unconcerned Right . Should I recount His constant time of Pray'r , Each rising Morn and Ev'ning Regular , You 'ld say his practice preach'd , They ought not Ea , VVho by devotion first not earn'd their Meat : Thus Hez●kiah He exceeds in Zeal , Though not ( like him ) So facile to reveal The Tr●asures of God● Ho●se , or His own Heart , To be supplanted by some 〈◊〉 art . And that he might in same with Ioash share VVhen he the ruin'd Temple did repair , His c●st on Pauls late ragged Fabrick spent Must ( if no other ) be His Monument . From this S●rvey the Kingdom may conclude His Merits , and her L●sses Magnitude : Nor think he flatters or blasphemes , who tells That Charls exceeds Iudea's Parallels , In whom all Ver●ues we concentred see VVhich 'mongst the best of them divided be . O weak built Glories ! which those Tempests feel To force you from your firm●st bases reel , VVhat from the stroaks of Chance shall you secure , VVhen Rocks of Innocence are so unsure ? VVhen the VVorld's only mirrour slaughter'd lies , Envies and Treasons bleeding sacrifize ; As if His stock of Goodness could become No 〈◊〉 , but that of Ma●ty●dom . See now ye cursed Mountebanks of State , VVho have Eight years for Reformations sate ; You who dire Alva's Counsels did transfer , To Act his Scenes on England's Theater ; You who did pawn your Selves in Publick Faith To slave the Kingdom by your Pride and VVrath ; Call the whole VVorld to witness now , how just , How well you are responsive to your trust , How to your King the promise you perform , VVith Fasts , and Sermons , and long Prayers sworn , That you intended Peace and Truth to bring To make your Charls Europes most Glorious King. Did you for this Li●t up your Hands on high , To Kill the King , and pluck down Monarchy ? These are the Fruits by your wild Faction sown , VVhich not Imputed are , but Born your own : For though you wisely seem to wash your Hands , The Guilt on every Vote and Order stands ; So that convinc'd , from all you did before , Justice must lay the Murther at your Door . Mark if the Body does not Bleed anew , In any Circumstance approach'd by You , From whose each motion we might plain desery The black Oftents of this late Tragedy . For when the King through Storms in Scotland bred , To his Great Co●ncel for his shelter fled , VVhen in that meeting every Error gain'd Redresses sooner granted , than Complain'd : Not all th●se ●rank Conc●ssions or Amends Did 〈◊〉 the then too Powerfull Faction's ends : No Acts of Grace at present would Content , Nor Promise of 〈…〉 , Till by a f●rmal ●●w the King had past This Session should at Y●ur pl●●sure last . So having got the 〈◊〉 , and that 't was ●nown No power could diss●lve Yo● b●t Your own , Your grac●less Junto m●●e s●ch use of this , As once was pract●s'd by Semiram●s ; VVho str●ving by a subtile S●te to prove The largeness of her H●●band Tr●st and Love , Did from the much ab●sed King obtain That for Three d●y●s She might sole Empress r●ign ; Before which time expir'd , the bloody VVi●e D●priv'd her Lo●d both of his Crown and Life . There needs no Comment when your deeds apply The Demonstration of her Treachery . VVhich to effect , by Absolon's foul w●le You of the Peopl●s He●rt your Prince beguile ; Urging what Eases they might reap by it Did you their Iudges●it ●it . How did you fawn upon , and Court the Ro●t , VVho●e Clamour c●ry'd your whole Plot about ? How did you thank Seditious men that came To bring Petitions which your selves did frame ▪ And lest they wanted Hands to set them on , You lead the way by throwing the first stone . For in that Libel after Midnight born , VVherewith your Faction labour'd till the Morn , That Famous Lye , you a Re●o●stra●ce name ; VVere not Reproaches your malic●o●s aim ? VVas not the King's dishonour your intent , By Slanders to traduce his Government ? All which your spightfull Cunning did contrive ; Men must rec●ive through your false Perspective ▪ In which the smallest Spots improved were , And every Mote a Mo●ntain did appear ▪ Thus 〈◊〉 by th' ungratef●ll Senate found His Life ass●ulted through his Honour 's VVound . And now to make Him hopeless to resist , You g●ide His Sword by Vote , which as you li●t Must , Strike or Spare ( for so you did enforce His Hand against His Reason to divorce Brave Str●fford's Life , ) then wring it quite away By yo●r us●rping each Militia : Then seize His Magazines , of which possest You turn the VVeapons 'gainst their M●ster's Breast This done , th' unkennell'd crew of Lawless men Led down by 〈◊〉 , Penni●g●o● , and Ven , Did with confused noise the Court invade ; Then all Dissenters in Both Houses Bay'd . At which the King amaz'd is forc'd to flye , The whilst your Mouth 's laid on mantain the Cry. The Royal Game dislodg'd and under Chase , Your hot Pursute dogs Him from place to place : Not S●ul with greater fury or disdain Did flying David from Ieshimon's plain Unto the barren Wilderness pursue , Than Cours'd and Hunted is the King by you . The Mountain Partridge or the Chased Roe Might now for Emblemes of His Fortune go , And since all other May-games of the Town ( Save those your selves should make ) were Voted down , The Clam'rous Pulpit Hollaes in resort , Inviting men to your King-catching Sport. VVhere as the Foyl grows cold you mend the Scent By crying Privilege of Parliament , VVhose fair Preten●ions the first sparkles are , VVhich by your breath blown up enflame the VVar , And Ireland ( bleeding by design ) the Stale VVherewith for Men and Money you prevail . Yet doubting that Imposture co●ld not last , VVhen all the Kingdoms Mines of Treasure waste , You now tear down Religion's sacred Hedge To carry on the VVork by Sacriledge ; ●eputing it Rebellions fittest Pay ●o take both God's and Caesar's dues away . The tenor of which execrable Vote ●our over-active Zelots so promote , ●hat neither Tomb nor Temple could escape , ●●r Dead nor Living , your Licentious Rape . ●tatues and Grave-stones o'r men buried ●ob'd of their Brass , the * Coffi●s of their Led ; ●ot the Seventh Henry's gilt and curious Skr●en , ●or those which 'mongst our Rarities were seen , The * Chests wherein the Saxon Monarchs lay , ●●t m●st be basely sould or thrown away . May in succeeding times forgotten be Those bold Examples of Impiety , VVhich were the Ages wonder and discourse , ●o● have Their greatest ills improv'd by worse . No more be mention'd Dionysius Theft , VVho of their Gold the Heathen Shrines bereft ; For who with Yours His Robberies confer , Must him repute a petty Pil●erer . Nor Iulian's Scoff , who when he view'd the State O● A●●ioch's Church , the Ornaments and Plate , Cry'd , Meaner Vessels would serve turn , or None Might well become the birth of Mary's Son : Nor how that spightfull Atheist did in scorn Pisse on God's Table ▪ which so o●t had born The Hallow'd Elements , his death present : Nor he that ●ould it with his Excrement , Then turn'd the Cloth unto that act of shame , VVhich without trembling Christians should not name ▪ Nor Iohn of Leyd●n , who the pillag'd Q●ires Employ'd in Munster for his own attires ; His pranks by Hazle●●g exceeded be , A wre●ch more wicked and as mad as he , Who once in triumph led his S●mpter Mo●l Proudly b●d●●ked with the Altar's spoyl . Nor at Bizantium's●ack ●ack how Mahom●t In St. Sophia's Church his Horses set . Nor how Belshazzar at his dr●nken Feasts Carows'd in holy Vessels to his Guests : Nor he that did the Books and Anthems 〈◊〉 , Which in the daily Stations used were . These were poor Ess●yes of imperfect Crimes , Fit for beginners in ●nlearned times , Siz'd onely for that dull Meridian Which knew no J●suit nor Puritan , ( Before whose fa●●● Birth were no such things As Doctrines to Depose and Murther Kings . ) But since Your prudent care Enacted well , That there should be no King in Israel , England must write such Annals of Your reign Which all Records of elder mischiefs st●in . Churches unbuilt by order , others burn'd ; ●hilst Pauls and Li●col● are to Stables turn'd ; ●●d at God's Table you might Horses see 〈◊〉 ( those more Beasts ) their Riders manger'd be , ●●me Kitchins and some Slaughter-houses made , 〈◊〉 - boards and Cloths for Dressers laid : ●me turn'd to loathsome Goals , so by you brought ●nto the Curse of Baal's House : , a Draught . ●he Commo● Prayers with the Bibles torn , ●he Co●ps in An●●ck Moorish Dances worn , ●●d sometimes , for the wearers greater mock , ●he Surplice is converted to a Frock . ●●me bringing Dogs the Sacrament revile , ●●me with Copronimus the 〈◊〉 de●ile . ● God! canst Thou these prophanations like ? ● not , why is thy Thunder slow to strike ●he cursed Authors ? who dare think that Thou 〈◊〉 , when not punish them , their acts allow . 〈◊〉 which outragious Crimes , though your pr●tence ●●ould fasten on the Souldiers insolence , ●e must believe , that what by them was done ●●me licens'd ●orth by your probation , 〈◊〉 , as your selves with Athaliah's Brood 〈◊〉 strong contention for precedence stood , 〈◊〉 robb'd Two Royal Cha●els of their Plate , ●hich Kings and Queens to God did dedicate ; Then by a Vote more sordid than the Stealth , Melt down and Coyn it for the Common-wealth ; That is , give 't up to the devouring jaws Of your great Idol Bell , new styl'd The Cause ▪ And though this Monster you did well devise To seed by Plunder , Taxes , Loans , Excise ; ( All which Provisions You the People tell Sc●rce serve to diet Your Pa●tagru●l . ) We no Strew'd Ashes need to trace the Cheat , Who pl●inly see what Mouthes the Messes eat . Brave R●●ormation ! and a through one too , Which to enrich Your selves must All undo . Pray tell us ( those that can ) What fruits have grown ▪ From all Your Seeds in Blood and Treasure sown ? What would you mend ? when Your Projected State ▪ Doth from the Best in Form degenerate ? Or why should You ( of All ) attempt the Cure , Whose Facts not Gospel's Test nor Laws endure ? But like unwholsome Exhalations met From Your Conjunction onely Plagues beget , And in Your Circle , as Imposthumes ●ill Which by their venome the whole Body kill ; For never had You Pow'r but to Destroy , Nor Will , but where You Conquer'd to Enjoy ▪ This was your Master-prize , who did intend To make both Church and Kingdom 's prey Your End ▪ 'Gainst which the King ( plac'd in the Gap ) did strive By His ( till then unquestion'd ) Negative , Which finding You lack'd Reason to perswade , Your Arguments are into Weapons made ; So to compell him by main force to yield , You had a Formed Army in the Field Before his Reared Standard could invite Ten men upon his Righteous Cause to ●igh● : Yet ere those raised Forces did advance , Your malice struck him dead by Ordinance , When your Commissions the whole Kingdom swept With Blood and Slaughter , Not the King Except . Now hardned in Revolt , You next proceed By Pacts to strenghten each Rebellious Deed , New Oaths , and Vows , and Covenants advance , All contradicting your Allegiance , Whose Sacred knot you plainly did unty , When you with Essex swore to Live and Dye . These were your Calves in Bethel and in Dan , Which Ieroboam's Treason stablish can , Who by strange Pacts and Altars did seduce The People to their Laws and King's abuse ; All which but serve like Shibboleth to try Those who pronounc'd not your conspiracy ; That when your other Trains defective are , Forc'd Oaths might bring Refusers to the Snare . And lest those men your Co●nsels did pervert , Might when your Fraud was seen the Cause desert , A fierce Decree is through the Kingdom sent , Which made it Death for any to Repent . What strange Dilemmaes doth Rebellion make ? 'T is mortal to D●ny , 〈◊〉 to Partake : S●me 〈◊〉 who would not aid your Traiterous Act. 〈…〉 are Hang'd if they Retract . 〈…〉 who their Contracts have unsworn . 〈…〉 Devils are in pieces torn . 〈◊〉 still the rageing Tempest higher gro●● ▪ 〈…〉 the Kings Resolvings throw● 〈…〉 every where appears , 〈…〉 multiply our fears ▪ Whilst blind Ambition by successes fed 〈◊〉 You beyond the bound of Subjects led , Who tasting once the sweet of Regal Sway ▪ Resolving now no longer to obey ▪ For Presbiterian pride contests as high As doth the Popedom for Supremacy . Needs must you with unskilfull Phaeto● Aspire to guid the Chariot of the Sun , Though your ill-govern'd height with lightning be Thrown headlong from his burning Ax●●-tree . You will no more Petition or Debate , But your desire in P●opositions state , VVhich by such Rules and Ties the King confine , They in effect are Summons to Resign . Therefore your VVar is manag'd with such sleight , 'T was seen you more prevail'd by Purse than Might ; And those you could not purchase to your will , You Brib'd with Sums of Money to sit still . The King by this time hopeless here of Peace , Or to procure His wasted Peoples ease , VVhich He in frequent Messages had try'd , By you as oft as Shamelesly deny'd ; VVearied by faithless Friends and restless Foes , To certain hazard doth His Life Expose : VVhen through your Quarters in a mean disguise He to His Country-men for succour flies , VVho met a brave occasion then to save Their Native King from His untimely Grave : Had he from them such fair Reception gain'd , VVherewith ev'n Achish David entertain'd . But Faith to Him or Hospitable Laws In your Con●ederate Union were no Clause , VVhich back to you their Rendred Master sends To tell how He was us'd among his Friends . Far be it from my thoughts by this black Line To measure all within that VVarlike Clime ; The still admir'd Montross some Numbers lead In his brave steps of Loyalty to tread . I only Tax a furious Party there , VVho with our Native Pests Enleagued were . Then 't was you follow'd Him with Hue and Cry , Made Midnight Searches in Each Liberty , Voting it Death to all without Reprieve , VVho should their Master Harbour or Relieve . Ev'n in pure pity of both Nations Fame , I wish that Act in Story had no Name . VVhen all your mutual Stipulations are Converted at Newcastle to a Fair , VVhere ( like His Lord ) the King the Mart is made , Bought with Your Money , and by Them Betraid ; For both are Guilty , They that did Contract , And You that did the fatal Bargain Act. VVhich who by equal Reason shall peruse , Must yet conclude , They had the best Excuse : For doubtless They ( Good men ) had never Sold , But that you tempted Them with English Gold ; And 't is no wonder if with such a Sum Our Brethrens frailty might be overcome . VVhat though hereafter it may prove their Lot To be compared with Iscariot ? Yet will the VVorld perceive which was most wise , And who the Nobler Traitor by the Price ; For though 't is true Both did Themselves undo , They made the better Bargain of the Two , VVhich all may reckon who can difference Two hundred thousand Pounds from Thirty Pence . However something is in Justice due , VVhich may be spoken in defence of You ; For in your Masters Purchase you gave more , Than all your Iewish Kindred paid before . And had you wisely us'd what then you bought , Your Act might be a Loyal Ransome thought , To free from Bonds your Captive Soveraign , Restoring Him to his lost Crown again . But You had other Plots , your busie hate Ply'd all advantage on His fallen State , And shew'd Yo● did not come to bring Him Bayl , But to remove Him to a stricter Gaol , To Holmby first , whence taken from His Bed , He by an Army was in Triumph led ; Till on pretence of safety Cromwel's wile Had juggl'd Him into the Fatal Isle , VVhere Hammond for his Jaylor is decreed , And Murderous Rols as Lieger-Hangman fee'd , VVho in one fatal Knot Two Counsels tye , He must by Poison or by Pistol Dye . Here now deny'd all Comforts due to Life , His Friends , His Children , and His Peerless VVife ; From Carisbrook He oft but vainly sends , And though first Wrong'd , seeks to make you Amends ; For this He 〈◊〉 , and by his r●stless Pen Import●nes Yo●r deaf E●rs to Treat agen , VV●ilst th● 〈◊〉 Faction scorning to go less , Return th●s● 〈◊〉 Votes of Non Ad●ress , VVhich 〈◊〉 were by th' Armies thundring To 〈…〉 ag●inst the King. Y●t wh●n 〈◊〉 r●mov'd , and the clear Light Drawn f●●m 〈…〉 Reasons , gave You sight O● 〈◊〉 own 〈◊〉 , had not Their Intents Re●ard●d b●en by s●m● cr●ss Accidents ; VVhich 〈◊〉 a while with f●rtunate 〈◊〉 Ch●c●'d 〈◊〉 div●r●●d Their swoln Ins●l●nce : When the whole Kingdom f●r a Treaty cry'● , 〈…〉 Tha● 〈…〉 Votes , and God once m●r● Your 〈…〉 Kingdome did restore ? Rem●mb●r how 〈…〉 Treat●r● 〈◊〉 , Not to 〈◊〉 P●ac● , but to pro●ong D●b●te ; How Yo● that precious time at first d●l●y'd , And what ill ●se of Your advantage made , As if from Yo●r 〈◊〉 H●nds God had decreed Nothin● 〈◊〉 War and Mischi●f should succ●ed F●r wh●n by ●●sy Gra●●s the Kings Assent Did your Desir●● in greater things prevent , Wh●n 〈…〉 yield ●●ster than You intreat , And m●r● th●n Mod●sty dares well repeat ; Yet not content with this , witho●t all sense Or of His Hono●● or His Conscien●e , Still you prest on , till you too late descry'd , 'T was now less safe to stay than be deny'd . For like a Flood broke loose the Armed Rout , Then Shut Him clos●r up , And Shut You out , Who by just Veng●ance are since Worried By those Hand-wol●es Yo● for His Ruine bred . Thus like Two smoaking Fireb●ands , You and They Have in this Smother choak'd the Kingdom 's Day : And a● you rais'd Them first , m●st shave the Guilt , With all the Blood in those Distraction● spilt . For though with 〈◊〉 Foxes backward turn'd , ( When he Philistia's fruitfull Harv●st burn'd ) The f●ce of yo●r Opinion , stands averse , All yor Co●cl●sions b●t one Fire disperse ; And ●very Line which carries your Designs , In th● s●m● Centre of Conf●sion joyns . Tho●gh then the I●d●pendants end the Work , 'T is known they took the●r Platform from the Kirk ; Though Pil●te Br●dsh●w with his pack of Jews , God'● High Vice-g●r●nt at the Bar accuse ; They but r●viv'd the Evid●nce and Charge , Yo●r poys ' no●s D●cl●rat●ons laid at large ; Though they Condemn'd or made his Life their Spoil , Yo● were the S●tters forc'd him to the Toil : For you whose fatal hand the Warrant writ , The Prisoner did for Execution fit ; And if their Ax invade the Regal Throat , Remember you first Murther'd Him by Vote . Thus they receive your Tennis at the bound , Take off that Head which you had first Un-crown'd ; Which shews the Texture of our M●schiefs Clew , If Ravell'd to the Top , begins in You , Who have for ever st●in'd the brave Intents And Credit of our English P●●li●ments : And in this One caus'd grea●●r ●lls , and more , Than all of theirs did Good that went b●fore . Yet have You kept your word against Your will , Your King is Great indeed and Glorious still , And You have made Him so . We must impute That Lustre which His Sufferings contribute To your preposterous Wisdoms , who have done All your good Deeds by Contradiction : For as to work His Peace you rais'd this Strif● , And often Shot at Him to Save His Life ; As you took from Him to Encrease His wealth , And kept Him Pris'ner to secure His Health ; So in revenge of your dissembled Spight , In this last Wrong you did Him greatest Right , And ( cross to all You meant ) by Plucking down Li●ted Him up to His Eternal Crown . With this Encircled in that radiant Sphear , Where thy black Murtherers must ne'r appear ; Thou from th'enthroned Martyrs Blood-stain'd Line , Dost in thy Virtues bright Example shine . And when thy Darted Beam from the moist Sky Nightly salutes thy grieving Peoples Eye , Thou like some Warning Light rais'd by our fears , Shalt both provoke and still supply our Tears , Till the Great Prop●et wak'd from his long Sleep , Again bids Sion for Iosiah weep : That all Successions by a firm Decree May teach their Children to Lament for Thee . Beyond these Mournfull Rites there is no Art Or Cost can Thee preserve . Thy better Part Lives in despight of Death , and will endu●e Kept safe in thy Unpattern'd Portraicture : Which though in Paper drawn by thine own Hand , Shall longer than Corinthian-Marble stand , Or Iron Sculptures : There thy matchless Pen Speaks Thee the Best of Kings as Best of Men : Be this Thy Epitaph ; for This alone Deserves to carry Thy Inscription . And 't is but modest Truth : ( so may I thrive As not to pl●ase the Best of thine Alive , Or flatter my Dead Master , here would I Pay my last Duty in a Glorious Lye ) In that Admired Piece the World may read Thy Virtues and Misfortunes Storied ; Which bear such curious Mixture , Men must doubt Whether Thou Wiser wert or more Devout . There live Blest Relick of a Saint-like mind , With Honours endless , as Thy Peace , Enshrin'd ; Whilst we , divided by that Bloo●y Cloud , Whose purple Mists Thy Murther'd Body shroud , Here stay behind at gaze : Apt for Thy sake Unr●ly murm●rs now 'gainst Heav'n to make , Which binds us to Live well , yet gives no Fence To Guard her dearest Sons from Violence . But He whose Trump proclaims , Revenge is mine , Bids us our Sorrow by our Hope confine , And reconcile our Reason to our Faith , Which in thy Ruine such Conclusions hath ; It dares Conclude , God does not keep His Word If Zimri dye in Peace that slew his Lord. From my sad Retirement March 11. 1648. CAROLUS STUART REX ANGLIAE SECURE COESUS VITA CESSIT TRICESSIMO IANUARII . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A47409-e240 * Resurgam . * Magis triumphati ●●uam ●victi . Tacit. de nor . Ger. * Sr. Edwin Sandys survay of religion in the West . Ioh. Eccl●siastes ●he Act of ●arliament ●or publick 〈…〉 on the ●●fth of No●emb . set to tune by ● . Dod a tradesman of London , at the end of his Psalmes , which stole ●om the Press Anno Domini 1620. Hymns Lamentat . Psalmes . * Non nasci , aut quàm citissimè mori . Notes for div A47409-e34710 * Belshazar , Dan. 5. * Sir George Lisle at Newbury charged in his Shirt and Routed them . * Patroclus . * Famagosta defended most Valiantly by Signior Bragadino in the time of Selymus 2d. was upon Honourable terms surrendred to Mustapha the Bashaw , who observing no Conditions , at his Tent Murthered the Principal Commanders , invited thither under shew of Love , and slayed Bragadine Alive . * The Swedes hired Anno , 164. to invade the King of Denmark , provided to assist his Nephew the King of England . * See the Letter sent to Edward Earl of Manchester , Speaker of the House of Peers pro tempore , from T. Fairfax , Dated August 29. 1648. at Hieth . * Wat-Tyler and his co●plices design was to take away the King and chief Men , and to erect petty Tyrannies to themselves in every Shire . And already one Littistar● a Dyar had taken upon him in Norfolk the Name of King of Commons , and Robert Westbor● . in Sastolk , Rich. 2. Anno 1381. Speed. * A● St. Fagans in Glamorganshire near Cardiff , The Welsh unarmed were taken in very great Numbers , and Sold for twelve pence a piece to certain Merchants , who bought them for Slaves to their Plantation . * Grimes now a Captain , formerly a Tinker at St. Albans , with his own hand Killed four of the Prisoners , being not able for Faintaess to go on with the rest , of which number Lieutenant Woodward was o●e : Lik●wise at Thame , and at Whateley , some others were Kill'd . 1 Kings 2. 32. vers ▪ 〈…〉 Call'd the Councel of Troubles . The form of taking the Covenant , June 1643. 〈…〉 lib. ● . Remonstrance of the State of the Kingdom , Dec. 15. 1641. Ord. Feb. 29. Voted March 15. The Nivy seiz'd Mar. 28. 1642. The London Tumults . Jan. 10. 1641. * At Basing-Chapel Sold Dec. 29. 1643. * At Winchester . Lactant. ● l. 2. c. 4. Iulian. Praefectus Aegypti . Theodoret. l. 3. c. 11. ibid. G●nguin . l. 6. The Carpet belonging to the Comm●●io● Table of Winchester Cathedral , Dec. 18. 1642. Adrian Emp. At Winchcomb in Glocestersh●re . Whitehall , Windsor . Feb. 3. 1643. E. of Essex Army , Aug. 1. 1642. The Standard at Notingham , Aug. 25. 1642. June 27. 1643. Declaration and Resolution of Parl. Aug. 15. 1642. History of English and Scotish Presbytery , p. 3●0 The 19 Propos. April 27. 1646. May 5. 1646. This Order publish'd by beat of Drum , May 4. 1646. Jan. 3. 1647. Jan. 9. 1647. C●●chester Si●ge . Jun● 30. 1648. Tre●ty V●ted , July●8 ●8 . 1648. A04638 ---- The Case Is Altered Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04638 of text S121512 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14757). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Hannah Bredar This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04638.xml Ben Ionson, his Case is alterd. As it hath beene sundry times acted by the children of the Blacke-friers. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 36 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2011 December (TCP phase 2) 99856692 STC (2nd ed.) 14757. Greg, I, 281. 22306 A04638

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 Ben Ionson, his Case is alterd. As it hath beene sundry times acted by the children of the Blacke-friers. Case is alterd Case is alterd. Pleasant comedy called, The case is alterd. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [74] p. Printed [by Nicholas Okes] for Bartholomew Sutton, dwelling in Paules Church-yard neere the great north doore of Paules Church, At London : 1609. 1597

Printer's name from STC.

Running title reads: A pleasant comedy, called The case is alterd.

Signatures: A-I4 K2 (-K2).

Imperfect; all after I3 lacking.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 A04638 shc The Case Is Altered Jonson, Ben Madeline Burg Hannah Bredar 1597 play comedy shc no A04638 S121512 (STC 14757). 24202 0 0 0 002247.91F The rate of 247.91 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

BEN : IONSON , HIS CASE IS ALTERD .

As it hath beene sundry times Acted by the Children of Blacke-friers .

AT LONDON Printed for Bartholomew Sutton , dwelling in Paules Church-yard neere the great north doore of S. Paules Church . 1609 .

A pleasant Comedy called , the Case is Alterd .
Actus primi ,
Scaena prima . Sound ? after a flourish : Iuniper a Cobler is discouered , sitting at worke in his shoppe and singing . Iuniper , Onion , Antony Baladino . YOV wofull wights giue eare a while , And marke the tenor of my stile , Enter Onion in hast . Which shall such trembling hearts vnfold As seldome hath to fore bene told . Such chances rare and dolefull newes Oni. fellow Iuniper Peace a Gods name . As may attempt your wits to muse . Oni. Gods so , heere man . A pox a God on you . And cause such trickling teares to passe , Except your hearts be flint or brasse : Oni. Iuniper , Iuniper . To heare the newes which I shall tell , That in Castella once befell . Sbloud , where didst thou learne to corrupt a man in the midst of a verse , ha ? Onion .

Gods lid man , seruice is ready to go vp man , you must slip on your coate and come in , we lacke waiters pittyfully .

Iunip.

A pittifull hearing , for now must I of a merry Cobler become mourning creature .

Exit Onion . Onion .

Well you le come .

Iunip.

Presto . Go to , a word to the wise , away , flie ? vanish : Lye there the weedes that I disdaine to weare .

Anto.

God saue you Maister Iuniper .

Iuni.

What Signior Antonio Balladino , welcome sweet Ingle ,

Anto.

And how do you sir ?

Iuni.

Faith you see , put to my shifts here as poore retainers be oftentimes , sirrah Antony ther 's one of my fellowes mightely enamored of thee , and I faith you slaue , now your come I 'le bring you together , i'ts Peter Onion , the groome of the hal , do you know him .

Anto.

No not yet , I assure you .

Iuni.

O he is one as right of thy humour as may be , a plaine simple Rascal , a true dunce , marry he hath bene a notable vilaine in his time : he is in loue , sirrah , with a wench , & I haue preferd thee to him , thou shalt make him some prety Paradox or some Aligory , how does my coate sit ? well .

Anto.

I very well .

Enter Onion . Oni.

Na Gods so , fellow Iuniper , come away .

Iun.

Art thou there mad slaue , I come with a powder ? . Sirrah fellow Onion . I must haue you peruse this Gentleman well , and doe him good offices of respect and kindnesse , as instance shall be giuen .

Anto.

Nay good maister Onion what do you meane , I pray you sir you are to respectue in good faith .

Onion

I would not you should thinke so sir , for though I haue no learning , yet I honour a scholer in any ground of the earth sir ,

Shall I request your name sir ?

Anto.

My name is Antonio Balladino .

Oni,

Balladino ? you are not Pageant Poet to the City of Millaine sir , are you .

Anto.

I supply the place sir : when a worse cannot be had sir .

Oni.

I crie you mercy sir , I loue you the better for that sir , by Iesu you must pardon me , I knew you not , but I l'd pray to be better acquainted with you sir , I haue seene of your works .

Anto.

I am at your seruice good Maister Onion , but concerning this maiden that you loue sir ? what is she ,

Onion .

O did my fellow Iuniper tell you ? marry sir , she is as one may say , but a poore mans child indeede , and for mine owne part I am no Gentleman borne I must confesse , but my mind to me a kingdome is truly .

Anto.

Truly a very good saying .

Onion .

T' is somewhat stale , but that 's no matter .

Anto.

O t' is the better , such things euer are like bread , which the staler it is , the more holesome .

Onion .

This is but a hungry comparison in my iudgement .

Anto.

Why , I 'le tell you , M. Onion , I do vse as much stale stuffe , though I say it my selfe , as any man does in that kind I am sure . Did you see the last Pageant , I set forth ?

Onion .

No faith sir , but there goes a huge report on 't .

Anto.

Why , you shal be one of my Maecen-asses , I 'le giue you one of the bookes , O you 'le like it admirably .

Oni.

Nay that 's certaine , I 'le get my fellow Iuniper to read it .

Anto.

Reade it sir , I 'le reade it to you .

Onion .

Tut then I shall not chuse but like it .

Anto.

Why looke you sir , I write so plaine , and keepe that old Decorum , that you must of necessitie like it ; mary you shall haue some now ( as for example , in plaies ) that will haue euery day new trickes , and write you nothing but humours : indeede this pleases the Gentlemen : but the common sort they care not for 't , they know not what to make on 't , they looke for good matter , they , and are not edified with such toyes .

Onion .

You are in the right , I 'le not giue a halfepeny to see a thousand on 'hem . I was at one the last Tearme , but & euer I see a more roguish thing , I am a peece of cheese , & no onion , nothing but kings & princes in it , the foole came not out a lot .

Anto.

True sir , they would haue me make such plaies , but as I tell hem , and they 'le giue me twenty pound a play , I 'le not raise my vaine .

Onion .

No , it were a vaine thing , and you should sir .

Anto.

Tut giue me the penny , giue me the peny , I care not for the Gentlemen I , let me haue a good ground , no matter for the pen the plot shall carry it .

Onion .

Indeed that 's right , you are in print already for the best plotter .

Anto.

I , I might as well ha bene put in for a dumb shew too .

Ont.

I marry sir , I marle you were not , stand aside sir a while :

Enter an armd Sewer : some halfe dozen in mourning coates following and passe by with seruice . Enter Valentine . Onion

How now friend , what are you there ? be vncouered , Would you speake with any man here ?

Valen,

I , or else I must ha' returnd you no answer .

Oni.

Friend , you are somewhat to peremptory , let 's craue your absence : nay neuer scorne it , I am a little your better in this place .

Valen.

I do acknowledge it .

Onion .

Do you acknowledge it ? nay then you shall go forth , I le teach you how shall acknowledge it another time ; go to , void , I must haue the hall purg'd , no setting vp of a rest here , packe , begone .

Valen.

I pray you sir is not your name Onion ?

Oni.

Your friend as you may vse him , and M. Onion , say on .

Valen.

M. Onion with a murraine , come come put off this Lyons hide , your eares haue discouered you , why Peter ! do not I know you Peter ?

Onion .

Gods so , Valentine !

Valen.

O can you take knowledge of me now sir ?

Oni.

Good Lord , sirra , how thou art altred with thy trauell ?

Valen.

Nothing so much as thou art with thine office , but sirra , Onion is the Count Ferneze at home ?

Exit Anthony . Oni.

I Bully , he is aboue ; and the Lord Paulo Ferneze , his son , and Maddam Aurelia , & maddam Phaenixella , his daughters , But O Valentine ?

Valen.

How now man , how dost thou ?

Oni.

Faith sad , heauy , as a man of my coate ought to be .

Valen.

Why man , thou wert merry inough euen now .

Oni. True , but thou knowest All creatures here soiorning , vpon this wretched earth , Sometimes haue a fit of mourning , as well as a fit of mirth . O Valentine , mine old Lady is dead , man . Valen.

Dead !

Oni.

I faith .

Valen.

When dyed she ?

Onion .

Mary , to morrow shall be three months , she was seene going to heauen they say , about some fiue weekes agone ! how now ? trickling teares , ha ?

Valen.

Faith thou hast made me weepe with this newes .

Onion .

Faith thou hast made me weepe with this newes .

Onion .

Why I haue done but the parte of an Onion , you must pardon me .

Scaene . 2. Enter the sewer , passe by with seruice againe , the seruing-men take knowledge of Valentine as they goe . Iuniper salutes him . Iuni.

What Valentine ? fellow Onion , take my dish I prithee you rogue sirrah , tell me , how thou dost , sweet Ingle .

Valen.

Faith , Iuniper , the better to see thee thus frolicke .

Iuni.

Nay , slid I am no changling , I am Iuniper still . Exit Oni. I keepe the pristmate ha , you mad Hierogliphick , when shal we swagger .

Valen.

Hierogliphick , what meanest thou by that .

Iuni.

Meane ? Gods so , i st not a good word man ? what ? stand vpon meaning with your freinds . Puh , Absconde .

Valen.

Why , but stay , stay , how long has this sprightly humor haunted thee ?

Iuni.

Foe humour , a foolish naturall gift we haue in the Aequinoctiall .

Valen.

Naturall , slid it may be supernaturall , this ?

Iuni.

Valentine , I prithee ruminate thy selfe welcome . What fortuna de la Guerra .

Valen. O how pittifully are these words forc't . As though they were pumpt out on 's belly . Iuni.

Sirrah Ingle , I thinke thou hast seene all the strange countries in Christendome since thou wentst ?

Valen.

I haue seene some Iuniper .

Iuni.

You haue seene Constantinople ?

Valen.

I , that I haue .

Iuni.

And Ierusalem , and the Indies , and Goodwine sands , and the tower of Babylon , and Venice and all .

Valen.

I all ; no marle and he haue a nimble tong , if he practise to vault thus from one side of the world to another .

Iuni.

O it 's a most heauenly thing to trauel , & see countries , especially at sea , and a man had a pattent not to be sicke .

Valen.

O sea sicke lest , and full of the scuruie .

Scaene 3. Enter Iuniper , Antonio , Sebastian , Martino , Vincentio , Balthasar and Christophero . Seba.

Valentine ? welcome I faith how dost sirra ?

Mart.

How do you good Valentine .

Vincen.

Troth , Valentine , I am glad to see you .

Balth.

Welcome sweet rogue .

Sebast.

Before God he neuer lookt better in his life .

Balth.

And how i st man ? what , Alla Coragio .

Valen.

Neuer better gentlemen I faith .

Iuni.

S'will here comes the steward .

Christ .

Why how now fellowes all here ? and nobody to waight aboue now they are ready to rise ? looke vp one or two Signior Francesco Colomia's man how doo's your good maister .

Exeunt Iuniper , Martino , Vincentio . Valen.

In health sir he will be here anon .

Christo.

Is he come home , then ?

Valen.

I sir he is not past sixe miles hence , he sent me before to learne if Count Ferneze were here and returne him word .

Christo.

Yes , my Lord is here ; and you may tel your maister he shal come very happily to take his leaue of Lord Paulo Ferneze : who is now instantly to depart with other noble gentlemen , vpon speciall seruice .

Valen.

I will tell him sir .

Christo.

I pray you doe , fellowes make him drinke .

Valen.

Sirs , what seruice i st they are imployed in ?

Sebast.

Why against the French they meane to haue a fling at Millaine againe they say .

Valen.

Who leades our forces , can you tell ?

Sebast.

Marry that do's Signior Maximilian ? he is aboue , now .

Valen.

Who , Maximilian of Vicenza ?

Balt.

I he ? do you know him ?

Valen.

Know him ? O yes he 's an excellent braue soldier .

Balt.

I so they say , but one of the most vaine glorious men in Europe .

Valen.

He is indeed , marry exceeding valient .

Sebast.

And that is rare .

Balt.

What .

Sebast.

Why to see a vaineglorious man valient .

Valen.

Well he is so I assure you .

Enter Iuniper . Iuni.

What no further yet , come on you precious rascall , sir Valentine , I le giue you a health I faith , for the heauens you mad Capriceio , hold hooke and line .

Scaene 4. Enter Lord Paulo Ferneze , his boy following him . Pau.

Boy .

Boy .

My Lord .

Pau. Sirrah go vp to Signior Angelio , And pray him ( if he can ) deuise some meanes , To leaue my father , and come speake with me . Boy

I will my Lord .

Pau. Well heauen , be auspicious in the euent ; For I do this against my Genius , And yet my thoughts cannot propose a reason . Why I should feare , or faint thus in my hopes , Of one so much endeered to my loue . Some sparke it is , kindled within the soule : Whose light yet breaks not to the outward sence , That propagates this tymerous suspect ; His actions neuer carried any face Of change , or weaknes : then I iniury him ? In being thus cold conceited of his faith , O here he comes . Enter Angels . Ang.

How now sweet Lord , what 's the matter ?

Pau. Good faith his presence makes me halfe ashamd . Of my straid thoughts . Boy . Bestow your selfe . Exit Boy . Where is my father , Signior Angelio . Ang.

Marry in the galery , where your Lordship left him .

Pau. That 's well . Then Angelio I will be briefe . Since time forbids the vse of circumstance , How well you are receiued in my affection , Let it appeare by this one instance , onely That now I will deliuer to your trust , The deerest secrets , treasurd in my bosome , Deare Angelio . You are not euery man , But one , whome my election hath design'd , As the true proper obiect of my soule : I vrge not this t' insinuate my desert , Or supple your tri'd temper , with soft phrases ; True frendship lothes such oyly complement : But from th' aboundance of that loue , that flowes Through all my spirits , is my speech enforc'd . Ang. Before your Lordship do proceed too far , Let me be bould to intimate thus much ; That what so ere your wisedome hath t' expose , Be it the waightiest and most rich affaire , That euer was included in your breast , My faith shall poise it , if not � Pau. O no more , Those words haue rapt me with their sweet effects , So freely breath'd , and so responsible , To that which I endeuoured to extract , Arguing a happy mixture of our soules . Ange. Why were there no such sympathy sweete Lord ? Yet the impressure of those ample fauours , I haue deriu'd from your vnmatched spirit , Would bind my faith to all obseruances . Pau. How ! fauours Angello , ô speake not of them , They are meere paintings , and import no merit , Lookes my loue well ? thereon my hopes are plac't : Faith , that is bought with fauours , cannot last . Enters Boy . Boy .

My Lord .

Pau.

How now ?

Boy . You are sought for all about the house , within , The Count your father cals for you . Pau. God , what crosse euents do meet my purposes ? Now will he violently fret and grieue That I am absent . Boy , say I come presently : Exit Boy . Sweet Angello , I cannot now insist Vpon particulars , I must serue the time The maine of all this is , I am in loue . Ange.

Why starts your Lordship ?

Pau.

I thought I heard my father comming hither ward , list , ha ?

Ange.

I heare not any thing , it was but your imagination sure .

Pau.

No ?

Ange.

No , I assure your Lordship .

Pau.

I would worke safely .

Ange.

Why , has he no knowledge of it then ?

Pau. O no , no creature yet pertakes it but your selfe In a third person , and beleeue me friend , The world containes not now another spirit , To whom I would reueile it . Harke , harke , Seruants . Signior Paulo . Lord Ferneze . within . Ange. A pox vpon those brazen throated slaues , What are they mad , trow ? Pau. Alas , blame not them , Their seruices are ( clock-like ) to beset , Backward and forward , at their Lords command , You know my father's wayward , and his humour Must not receiue a check , for then all obiects , Feede both his griefe and his impatience , And those affections in him , are like powder , Apt to enflame with euery little sparke , And blow vp reason , therefore Angelo , peace . within . Count .

Why this is rare , is he not in the garden ?

Crist.

I know not my Lord .

Count .

See , call him ?

Pau.

He is comming this way , let 's withdraw a little .

Exeunt . within . Seruants . Signior Paulo , Lord Ferneze , Lord Paulo .
Scaene 5. Enter Count Ferneze , Maximilian , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Sebast . Balthasar . Count .

VVHere should he be , trow ? did you looke in the armory ?

Sebast.

No my Lord .

Count .

No , why there ? ô who would keepe such drones ? Exeunt Sebast . and Baltha . How now , ha ye found him ?

Enter Martino . Mart.

No my Lord .

Count . No my Lord , I shall haue shortly all my family Speake nought , but no my Lord , where is Christophero , Enter Christophero . Looke how he stands , you sleep y knaue , Exit Martino . What is he not in the Garden ? Christo.

No my good Lord .

Count .

Your good Lord , ô how this smels of fennell . Enter Sebast Baltha . You haue bene in the garden it appeares , well , well .

Balth.

We cannot find him my Lord .

Sebast.

He is not in the armory .

Count .

He is not , he is no where , is he ?

Maxi.

Count Ferneze .

Count .

Signior .

Maxi.

Preserue your patience honorable Count .

Count . Patience ? a Saint would loose his patience to be crost , As I am with a sort of motly braines , See see , how like a nest of Rookes they stand , Enter Onion . Gaping on one another ! now Diligence , what news bring you ? Oni.

An t please your honour .

Count .

Tut , tut , leaue pleasing of my honour Diligence , you double with we , come .

Oni.

How : does he find fault with Please his Honour . S'wounds it has begun a seruing mans speech , euer since I belongd to the blew order : I know not how it may shew , now I am in blacke , but �

Count .

What 's that , you mutter sir ? will you proceed ?

Oni.

An t like your good Lordship .

Count .

Yet more ; Gods precious .

Oni.

What , do not this like him neither ?

Count .

What say you sir knaue ?

Oni.

Mary I say your Lordship were best to set me to schoole againe , to learne how to deliuer a message .

Count .

What do you take exceptions at me then .

Oni.

Exception ? I take no exceptions , but by Gods so your humours �

Count .

Go to you are a Raskall , hold your tongue .

Oni.

Your Lordships poore seruant , I .

Count .

Tempt not my patience .

Oni.

Why I hope I am no spirit , am I ?

Maxi.

My Lord , command your Steward to correct the slaue .

Oni.

Correct him , S'bloud come you and correct him and you haue a minde to it , correct him , that 's a good iest I faith , the Steward and you both , come and correct him .

Count .

Nay see , away with him , pull his cloth ouer his eares .

Oni.

Cloth ? tell me of your cloth , here 's your cloth , nay and I mourne a minute longer , I am the rottenest Onion that euer spake with a tongue .

They thrust him out . Maxi.

What call your hind's count Ferneze ?

Count .

His name is Onion Signior ,

Maxi.

I thought him some such sawcy companion .

Count .

Signior Maximillian .

Maxi.

Sweet Lord .

Count . Let me intreat you , you would not regard Any contempt flowing from such a spirit , So rude , so barbarous . Maxi.

Most noble Count vnder your fauour �

Coun. Why I le tell you Signior , Hee le bandy with me word for word , nay more , Put me to silence , strike me perfect dumb ; And so amaze me , that oftentimes I know not , Whether to check or cherish his presumption : Therefore good Signior . Maxi.

Sweet Lord satisfie your selfe , I am not now to learn how to manage my affections , I haue obseru'd , and know the difference betweene a base wretch and a true man , I can distinguish them , the property of the wretch is , he would hurt and cannot , of the man , he can hurt , and will not .

Coun. Go to , my merry daughter , ô these lookes , Agree well with your habit , do they not ? Enter Iuniper . Iunip.

Tut , let me alone . By your fauour , this is the Gentleman I thinke , Sir you appeare to be an honorable Gentleman , I vnderstand , and could wish ( for mine owne part ) that things were conden't otherwise then they are : but ( the world knowes ) a foolish fellow , somewhat procliue , and hasty , he did it in a preiudicate humour ; mary now vpon better computation , he wanes ; he melts ; his poore eyes are in a cold sweat . Right noble Signior , you can haue but compunction , I loue the man , tender your compassion .

Maxi.

Doth any man here vnderstand this fellow ?

Iunip.

O God sir , I may say frustra to the comprehension of your intellection .

Maxi. Before the Lord , he speakes all riddle , I thinke . I must haue a comment ere I can conceiue him . Count . Why he sues to haue his fellow Onion pardon'd , And you must grant it Signior . Maxi.

O with all my soule my Lord , is that his motion ?

Iunip.

I sir , and we shall retort these kinde fauours with all allacrity of spirit , we can sir , as may be most expedient , as well for the quality as the cause , till when in spight of this complement : I rest a poore Cobler , seruant to my honorable Lord here , your friend and Iuniper .

Exit . Maxi.

How Iuniper ?

Count .

I Signior .

Maxi.

He is a sweete youth , his tongue has a happy turne when he sleepes .

Enter Paulo Ferneze , Francisco , Colomea , Angelo , Valentine . Count . I for then it rests , O Sir your welcome , Why God be thanked you are found at last . Signior Coloma truly you are welcome , I am glad to see you sir so well returned . Fran. I gladly thanke your honour , yet indeed I am sory for such cause of heauinesse , As hath possest your Lordship in my absence . Count .

O Francisco you knew her what she was !

Fran.

She was a wise and honorable Lady .

Count . I was she not ! well weepe not she is gone , Passons duld eye can make two grieues of one , Whom death marke out , vertue , nor bluod can saue , Princes , as beggers , all must feed the graue . Max.

Are your horse ready Lord Paulo ,

Pau.

I signior the stay for vs at the gate .

Max. Well t is good . Ladies I will take my leaue of you , Be your fortunes as your selues ? faire . Come let vs to horse , Count Ferneze I beare a spirit full of thanks for all your honorable courtesies . Count .

Sir I could wish the number and value of them more in respect of your deseruings . But Signior Maximillian . I pay you a word in priuate .

Aur.

I Faith brother you are fitted for a generall yonder , Beshrow my heart ( If I had Fortunatus hat here ) and I would not wish my selfe a man and go with you , only t' enioy his presence .

Pau.

Why do you loue him so well sister .

Aur.

No by my troth , but I haue such an odde prety apprehension of his humour me thinks : that I am eene tickled with the conceite of it .

O he is a fine man .

Ang

And me thinks another may be as fine as he .

Aur.

O Angelio , do you thinke I do vrge any comparison against you ? no , I am not so ill bred , as to be a deprauer of your worthines : beleeue me , if I had not some hope of your abiding with vs , I should neuer desire to go out of black whilst I liued : but learne to speake i' the nose , and turne puritan presently .

Ang.

I thanke you Lady : I know you can flout .

Aur.

Come doe you take it so ? I faith you wrong me .

Fran. I , but Maddame , Thus to disclaime in all the effects of pleasure , May make your sadnesse seeme to much affected , And then the proper grace of it is lost . Phoenix Indeed sir , if I did put on this sadnesse Onely abroad , and in Society , And were in priuate merry ; and quick humor'd ; Then might it seeme affected and abhord : But as my lookes appeare , such is my spirit , Drown'd vp with confluence of griefe , and melancholy , That like to riuers run through all my vaines , Quenching the pride and feruour of my bloud . Max. My honorable Lord ? no more . There is the honour of my bloud ingag'd , For your sonnes safety . Count . Signior , blame me not , For tending his security so much , He is mine onely sonne , and that word onely , Hath with his strong , and reprecussiue sound , Stroke my heart cold , and giuen it a deepe wound . Max.

Why but stay , I beseech you , had your Lordship euer any more sonnes then this .

Count .

Why haue not you knowen it Maximilian ?

Max.

Let my Sword faile me then .

Count . I had one other yonger borne then this , By twise so many howers as would fill The circle of a yeare , his name Camillo , Whome in that blacke , and fearfull night I lost , ( T is now a nineteene yeares agone at least , And yet the memory of it fits as fresh Within my braine as t were but yesterday ) It was that night wherein the great Chamont , The generall for France surprised Vicenza , Me thinks the horrour of that clamorous shout His souldiers gaue when they attaind the wall , Yet tingles in mine eare , me thinkes I see With what amazed lookes , distracted thoughts , And minds confus'd , we , that were citizens , Confronted one another : euery street Was fild with bitter selfe tormenting cries , And happy was that foote , that first could presse , The flowry champaigne , bordering on Verona Heere I ( imploy'd about my deare wiues safety ) Whose soule is now in peace ) lost my Camillo . Who sure was murdered by the barbarous Souldiers , Or else I should haue heard � my heart is great . Sorrow is faint ? and passion makes me sweat . Max

Grieue not sweet Count : comfort your spirts , you haue a sonne a noble gentleman , he stands in the face of honour : For his safety let that be no question . I am maister of my fortune , and he shall share with me . Farewell my honorable Lord . Ladies once more adiew , for your selfe maddam you are a most rare creature , I tell you so , be not proud of it , I loue you : come Lord Paulo to horse .

Pau.

Adiew good Signior Francesco : farewell sister .

Sound a tucket , and as they passe euery one seuerally depart , Maximilian , Paulo Ferneze and Angelo remaine Ang.

How shall we rid him hence .

Pau. Why well inough ? sweet Signior Maximilian . I haue some small occasion to stay : If it may please you but take horse afore I le ouer take you , ere your troopes be ranged . Max.

Your motion hath tast wel : Lord Ferneze I go

Exit Max. Pau. Now if my loue faire Rachel , were so happy , But to looke forth . See fortune doth me grace . Enter Rachel . Before I can demaund ? how now loue . Where is your father ? Rach.

Gone abroad my Lord :

Pau:

That 's well ,

Rach. I but I feare hee le presently returne , Are you now going my most honored Lord ? Pau.

I my sweet Rachel .

Ang.

Before God , she is a sweet wench .

Pau. Rachel I hope I shall not need to vrge , The sacred purity of our effects , As if it hung in triall or suspence : Since in our hearts , and by our mutuall vowes , It is confirmd and seald in sight of heauen . Nay doe not weepe , why starte you ? feare not , Loue . Your father cannot be returned so soone , I prithee doe not looke so heauily Thou shalt want nothing Rach. No is your presence nothing , I shall want that , and wanting that , want all For that is all to me . Pau. Content thee sweet I haue Made choise here of a constant friend This gentleman ? one , whose zealous loue I doe repose more , then on all the world , Thy beauteous selfe excepted : and to him , Haue I committed my deere care of thee , As to my genius , or my other soule . Receiue hi gentle loue and what deffects , My absence proues , his presence shall supply . The time is enuious of our longer stay . Farewell deere Rachel . Rach: Most deere Lord , adew , Heauen and honour crowne your deeds , and you , Exit Rachel . Pau.

Faith tell me Angelio how dost thou like her ?

Ang.

Troth well my Lord , but shall I speake my mind .

Pan.

I prithee doe .

Ang. She is deriud too meanely to be wife To such a noble person , in my iudgement . Pau. Nay then thy iudgement is to meene , I see : Didst thou neare read in difference of good T is more to shine in vertue then in bloud . Enter Iaques . Ang.

Come you are so sententious my Lord .

Pau.

Here comes her father . How dost thou good Iaques ?

Ang.

God saue thee Iaques .

Iaq.

What should this meane ? Rachel open the dore .

Exit Iaques . Ang. Sbloud how the poore slaue lookes , as though He had bene haunted by the spirit Lar , Or seene the ghost of some great Satrapas . In an vnsauory sheet . Pru. I muse he spake no , belike he was amazd Comming so suddenly and vnprepard ? Well le ts go : Exeunt .
Actus secundi
Scaena prima . Enter Iaques solus . SO now inough my heart , beat now no more ; At least for this afright , what a could sweat , Flow'd on my browes , and ouer all my bosome ! Had I not reason ? to behold my dore Beset with vnthrifts , and my selfe abroad ? Why Iaques ? was their nothing in the house Worth a continuall eye , a vigelent thought , Whose head should neuer nod , nor eyes once wincke ? Looke on my coate ; my thoughts ; worne quite thred bare , That time could neuer couer with a nappe , And by it learne , neuer with nappes of sleepe , To smother your conceipts of that you keepe . But yet , I maruell , why these gallant youths Spoke me so faire , and I esteemd a beggar ? The end of flattery , is gaine , or lechery : If they seeke gaine of me , they thinke me rich , But that they do not : for their other obiect : T is in my handsome daughter , if it be . And by your leaue , her handsomnesse may tell them My beggery counterfeits , and , that her neatnesse , Flowes from some store of wealth , that breakes my coffers , With this same engine , loue to mine owne breed . But this is answered : Beggers will keepe fine , Their daughters , being faire , though themselues pine . Well then , it is for her , I , t' is sure for her , And I make her so briske for some of them , That I might liue alone once with my gold . O t' is a sweet companion ! kind and true , A man may trust it when his father cheats him ; Brother , or friend , or wife , ô wondrous pelfe , " That which makes all men false , is true it selfe . But now this maid , is but suppos'd my daughter : For I being Steward to a Lord of France , Of great estate , and wealth , called Lord Chammount , He gone into the warres , I stole his treasure , ( But heare not , any thing ) I stole his treasure , And this his daughter , being but two yeares old , Because it lou'd me so , that it would leaue The nurse her selfe , to come into mine armes , And had I left it , it would sure haue dyed . Now herein I was kinde , and had a conscience ; And since her Lady mother that did dye In child-bed of her , loued me passing well , It may be nature fashiond this affection , Both in the child and her : but hee s ill bred , That ransackes tombes , and doth deface the dead . I 'le therefore say no more : suppose the rest , Here haue I chang'd my forme , my name and hers . And liue obsurely , to enioy more safe Enter Rachel . My deerest treasure . But I must abroad , Rachel . Rach.

VVhat is your pleasure sir ?

Iaq. Rachel I must abroad . Lock thy selfe in , but yet take out the key , That whosoeuer peepes in at the key-hole , May yet imagine there is none at home . Rach.

I will sir .

Iaq. But harke thee Rachel : say a theefe should come , And misse the key , he would resoule indeede None were at home , and so breake in the rather : Ope the doore Rachel , set it open daughter ; But sit in it thy selfe : and talke alowd , As if there were some more in house with thee : Put out the fire , kill the chimnies hart , That it may breath no more then a dead man , The more we spare my child , the more we gaine . Exeunt .
Scaene 2. Enter Christophero , Iuniper and Onion . CHrist.

What sayes my fellow Onion ? come on .

Oni.

All of a house sir , but no fellowes , you are my Lords Steward , but I pray you what thinke you of loue , sir ?

Christ .

Of loue Onion ? Why it 's a very honourable humor .

Oni.

Nay if it be but worshipfull I care not .

Iunip.

Go to , it 's honorable , checke not at the conceit of the Gentleman .

Oni. But in truth sir , you shall do well to think well of loue : For it thinkes well of you , in me , I assure you . Chris.

Gramercy fellow Onion : I do thinke well , thou art in loue , art thou ?

Oni.

Partly sir , but I am asham'd to say wholy .

Chris.

Well , I will further it in thee to any honest woman , or maiden , the best I can .

Iunip. Why now you come neere him sir , he doth vaile , He doth remunerate , he doth chaw the cud in the kindnesse Of an honest imperfection to your worship . Chris

But who is it thou louest fellow Onion ?

Oni.

Mary a poore mans daughter , but none of the honestest , I hope .

Chris.

Why , wouldst thou not haue her honest ?

Oni.

O no , for then I am sure she would not haue me . T' is Rachel de Prie .

Chris.

Why , she hath the name of a very vertuous mayden .

Iunip.

So shee is sir , but the fellow talkes in quiddits , he .

Chris.

What wouldst thou haue me do in the matter ?

Oni.

Do nothing sir , I pray you , but speake for me .

Chris.

In what maner ?

Oni.

My fellow Iuniper can tell you sir .

Iunip.

Why as thus sir . Your worship may commend him for a fellow fit for consanguinity , and that he shaketh with defire of procreation , or so .

Chris.

That were not so good , me thinkes .

Iunip.

No sir , why so sir ? what if you should say to her , correborate thy selfe sweete soule , let me distinguish thy pappes with my fingers , diuine Mumps , prety Pastorella ? lookest thou so sweet and bounteous ? comfort my friend here .

Chris.

Well I perceiue you wish , I should say something may do him grace , and further his desires , and that be sure I will .

Oni.

I thanke you sir , God saue your life , I pray God sir .

Iunip.

Your worship is too good to liue long : you le contaminate me no seruice .

Chris.

Command thou wouldest say , no good Iuniper .

Iunip.

Health and wealth sir .

Exeunt Onion and Iuniper . Chris. This wench will solicite for my selfe , Making my Lord and maister priuy to it ; And if he second me with his consent , I will proceede , as hauing long ere this , Though her a worthy choyce to make my wife . Exit .
Scaene 3. Enter Aurelia , Phoenixella . AVre. Roome for a case of matrons coloured blacke , How motherly my mothers death hath made vs ? I would I had some girles now to bring vp ; O I could make a wench so vertuous , She should say grace to euery bit of meate , And gape no wider then a wafers thicknesse : And she should make French cursies , so most low , That euery touch should turne her ouer backward . Phoeni. Sister , these words become not your attire , Nor your estate : our vertuous mothers death Should print more deepe effects of sorrow in vs , Then may be worne out in so little time . Aure. Sister , faith you take too much Tobacco , It makes you blacke within , as y' are without . What true-stich sister ? both your sides alike ? Be of a sleighter worke : for of my word , You shall be sold as deere or rather deerer ? Will you be bound to customes and to rites ? Shed profitable teares , weepe for aduantage ; Or else , do all things , as you are enclynd . Hate when your stomacke serues ( saith the Physitian ) Not at eleuen and sixe . So if your humour Be now affected with this heauinesse . Giue me the reines and spare not , as I do , In this my pleasurable appetite , It is Praecisianisme to alter that With austere iudgement , that is giuen by nature . I wept you saw too , when my mother dyed : For then I found it easier to do so , And fitter with my moode , then not to weepe . But now t is otherwise , another time Perhaps I shall haue such deepe thoughts of her , That I shall weepe a fresh , some twelue month hence , And I will weepe , if I be so dispos'd , And put on blacke , as grimly then , as now ; Let the minde go still with the bodies stature , Iudgement is fit for Iudges , giue me nature .
Scaene . 4. Enter Aurelia , Phaenixella , Francisco , Augelo . Fran. See Signior Angelo here are the Ladies , Go you and comfort one , I le to the other . Ange. Therefore I come sir , I 'le to the eldest . God saue you Ladies , these sad moodes of yours , That make you choose these solitary walkes , Are hurtfull for your beauties . Aure.

If we had them .

Ange. Come , that condition might be for your hearts , When you protest faith , since we cannot see them . But this same heart of beauty , your sweet face Is in mine eye still . Aure.

O you cut my heart with your sharpe eye .

Ange.

Nay Lady that 's not so , your heart 's to hard .

Aure.

My beauties hart ?

Ange. O no . I meane that regent of affection , Maddam , That tramples on al loue with such contempt in this faire breast . Aur. No more , your drift is sauour'd , I had rather seeme hard hearted Ang. Then hard fauour'd , Is that your meaning , Lady ? Aur. Go too sir . Your wits are fresh I know , they need no spur , Ang.

And therefore you wil ride them .

Aur. Say I doe . They will not tire I hope ? Ang.

No not with you , hark you sweet Lady .

Fran. T is much pitty Maddam . You should haue any reason to retaine This signe of griefe , much lesse the thing disignde . Phoe. Griefes are more fit for Ladies then their pleasures . Fran. That is for such as follow nought but pleasures . But you that temper them so wel with vertues , Vsing your griefes so it would prooue them pleasures . And you would seeme in cause of griefes & pleasures equally pleasant . Phoe Sir so I do now . It is the excesse of either that I striue So much to shun in all my proou'd endeauours , Although perhaps vnto a generall eye , I may appeare most wedded to my griefes , Yet doth my mind forsake no tast of pleasure , I meane that happy pleasure of the soule , Deuine and sacred contemplation Of that eternall , and most glorious blisse . Proposed as the crowne vnto our soules . Fran. I will be silent , yet that I may serue But as a Decade in the art of memory To put you stil in mind of your owne vertues When your too serious thoughts make you too sad ) Accept me for your seruant honored Lady . Phoen. Those cerimonies are too comon signior Francis , For your vncommon grauitie , and iudgement , And fits them onely , that are nought but cerimony . Ang. Come , I will not sue , stally to be your seruant , But a new tearme , will you be my refuge ? Aur.

Your refuge , why sir .

Ange.

That I might fly to you , when all else faile me .

Aur.

And you be good at flying , be my Plouer .

Ang.

Nay take away the P.

Aur.

Tut , then you cannot fly .

Ang.

I le warrant you . I le borrow Cupids wings .

Aur. Masse then I feare me you le do strange things : I pray you blame me not , if I suspect you , Your owne confession simply doth detect you , Nay and you be so great in Cupids bookes , T' will make me Iealous . you can with your lookes ( I warrant you ) enflame a womans heart , And at your pleasure take loues golden dart , And wound the brest of any vertous maide . Would I were hence : good Faith I am affraid , You can constraine one ere they be aware , To run mad for your loue ? Ang.

O this is rate .

Scaene 6. Aurelio , Phoenixella , Francisco , Angelo , Count . COunt . Close with my daughters gentlemen ? wel done , T is like your selues : nay lusty Angelo , Let not my presence make you bauke your sport , I will not breake a minute of discourse Twixt you and one of your faire Mistresses . Ang.

One of my mistresses ? why thinks your Lordship I haue so many

Count . Many ? no Angelo . I do not thinke th' ast many , some fourteene I here thou hast , euen of our worthiest dames , Of any note , in Millaine : Ang.

Nay good my Lord fourteene : it is not so .

Count . by 'th the Masse that i st , here are their names to shew Fourteene , or fifteene t'one . Good Angelo . You need not be ashamd of any of them , They are gallants all . Ang.

Sbloud you are such a Lord .

Count . Nay stay sweet Angelo , I am disposed Exit Ang : A little to be pleasant past my coustome , He 's gone ? he 's gone , I haue disgrast him shrewdly , Daughters take heede of him , he 's a wild youth , Looke what he sayes to you beleeue him not , He will sweare loue to euery one he sees . Francisco , giue them councell , good Francisco , I dare trust thee with both , but him with neither . Fran.

Your Lordship yet may trust both them with him .

Exunt .
Scaene 7. Count . Christopher , Count . Well goe your waies away ; how now Christopher , What newes with you ? Christ .

I haue an humble suit to your good Lordship .

Count .

A suit Christopher ? what suit I prithee ?

Christ . I would craue pardon at your Lordships hands , If it seeme vaine or simple in your sight . Count . I le pardon all simplicity , Christopher , What is thy suit ? Christ . Perhaps being now so old a batcheler , I shall seeme halfe vnwise , to bend my selfe In strict affection to a poore yong maide . Count . What ? is it touching loue Christopher ? Art thou dispost to marry , why t is well . Christo. I , but your Lordship may imagine now That I being steward of your honours house . If I be maried once , will more regard The maintenance of my wife and of my charge , Then the due discharge of my place and office . Count .

No , no , Christopher , I know thee honest .

Christo.

Good faith my Lord , your honour may suspect it � but �

Count . Then I should wrong thee , thou hast euer been Honest and true , and will be still I knowe . Chris. I but this marriage alters many men : And you may feare , it will do me my Lord , But ere it do so ? I will vndergoe Ten thousand seuerall deaths . Count . I know it man . Who wouldst thou haue I prithee ? Chris. Rachel de prie , If your good Lordship , graunt me your consent . Count . Rachel de prie ? what the poore beggers daughter ? Shee s a right handsome maide , how poore soeuer , And thou hast my consent , with all my hart . Chris.

I humbly thanke your honour . I le now aske her father .

Exit . Count . Do so Christofero thou shalt do well . T is strange ( she being so poore ) he should affect her , But this is more strange that my selfe should loue her . I spide her , lately , at her fathers doore , And if I did not see in her sweet face Gentry and noblenesse , nere trust me more : But this perswasion , fancie wrought in me , That fancie being created with her lookes , For where loue is he thinke his basest obiect Gentle and noble : I am farre in loue , And shall be forc'd to wrong my honest steward , For I must sue , and seeke her for my selfe ; How much my duetie to my late dead wife , And my owne deere renowne so ere it swaies , He to her father straight . Loue hates delays . Exit .
Scaene 8. Enter Onion , Iuniper , Valentine , Sebastian , Balthasar , Martino . Onion .

Come on Ifaith , le ts to some exercise or other my hearts : Fetch the hilts fellow Iuniper , wilt thou play :

Exit Martino . Iun.

I cannot resolue you ? t is as I am fitted with the ingenuity , quantity , or quality of the cudgell .

Valen.

How dost thou bastinado the poore cudgell with tearmes ?

Iuni.

O Ingle , I haue the phrases man , and the Anagrams and the Epitaphs , fitting the mistery of the noble science .

Oni.

I le be hangd & he were not misbegotten of some fencer .

Sebast.

Sirrah Valentine , you can resolue me now , haue they their maisters of defence in other countries as we haue here in Italy ?

Valen.

O Lord , I , especially they in Vtopia , there they performe their prizes and chalenges , with as great cerimony as the Italian or any nation else .

Balt

Indeed ? how is the manner of it ( for gods loue ) good Valentine ?

Iuni.

Ingle ? I prithee make recourse vnto vs , wee are thy friends and familiars : sweet Ingle .

Valen.

Why thus sir .

Oni.

God a mercy good Valentine , nay go on .

Iuni.

Silentium bonus socius Onionus , good fellow Onion be not so ingenious , and turbulent : so fir ? and how ? how sweete Ingle ?

Valen.

Marry , first they are brought to the publicke Theater :

Iuni.

What ? ha ? they Theater there

Valen.

Theaters ? I and plaies to : both tragidy and comedy & set foorth with as much state as can be imagined ?

Iuni.

By Gods so ; a man is nobody , till he has trauelled .

Sebast.

And how are their plaies ? as ours are ? extemporall ?

Valen.

O no ? all premeditated things , and some of them very good I faith , my maister vsed to visite them often when he was there .

Balth.

Why how are they in a place where any man may see them ?

Valen.

I , in the common Theaters , I tell you . But the sport is at a new play to obserue the sway and variety of oppinion that passeth it . A man shall haue such a confus'd mixture of iudgement , powr'd out in the throng there , as ridiculous , as laughter it selfe : one saies he likes not the writing , another likes not the plot , another not the playing . And sometimes a fellow that comes not there past once in fiue yeare at a Parliament time or so , will be as deepe myr'd in censuring as the best , and sweare by Gods foote he would neuer stirre his foote to see a hundred such as that is .

Oni.

I must trauell to see these things , I shall nere think well of my selfe else .

Iunip.

Fellow Onion , I le beare thy charges and thou wilt but pilgrimize it along with me , to the land of Vtopia .

Sebast.

Why but me thinkes such rookes as these should be asham'd to iudge .

Valen.

Not a whit ? the rankest stinkard of them all , will take vpon him as peremptory , as if he had writ himselfe in artibus magister .

Sebast.

And do they stand to a popular censure for any thing they present .

Valen.

I euer , euer , and the people generally are very acceptiue and apt to applaud any meritable worke , but there are two sorts of persons that most commonly are infectious to a whole auditory .

Balth.

What be they ?

Iunip.

I come le ts know them .

Oni.

It were good they were noted .

Valen.

Marry ? one is the rude barbarous crue , a people that haue no braines , and yet grounded iudgements , these will hisse any thing that mounts aboue their grounded capacities . But the other are worth the obseruation , I faith .

Omnes .

What be they ? what be they ?

Valen.

Faith a few Caprichious gallants .

Iunip.

Caprichious ? stay , that word 's for me .

Valen.

And they haue taken such a habit of dislike in all things , that they will approue nothing , be it neuer so conceited or elaborate , but sit disperst , making faces , and spitting , wagging their vpright eares and cry filthy , filthy . Simply vttering their owne condition , and vsing their wryed countenances in stead of a vice , to turne the good aspects of all that shall sit neere them , from what they behold .

Enter Martino with cudgels . Oni. O that 's well sayd , lay them downe , come sirs . Who plaies , fellow Iuniper , Sebastian , Balthasar : Some body take them vp , come . Iunip.

Ingle Valentine ?

Valen.

Not I sir , I professe it not .

Iunip.

Sebastian .

Sebast.

Balthasar .

Balth.

Who ? I ?

Oni.

Come , but one bout , I le giue hem thee , I faith .

Balth.

Why , here 's Martino .

Oni.

Foe he , alas he cannot play a whit , man .

Iunip.

That 's all one : no more could you in stata quo prius , Martino , play with him , euery man has his beginning and conduction .

Mart.

Will you not hurt me fellow Onion ?

Oni.

Hurt thee , no ? and I do , put me among pot-hearbs , And chop me to peeces , come on ?

Iunip.

By your fauor sweet bullies giue them roome , back , so , Martino , do not looke so thin vpon the matter .

Oni.

Ha , well plaid , fall ouer to my legge now ? so , to your guard againe , excellent , to my head now , make home your blow : spare not me , make it home , good , good a gaine .

Sebast.

Why how now Peter ?

Valen.

Gods so , Onion has caught a bruise .

Iunip.

Couragio ? be not caprichious ? what ?

Oni.

Caprichious ? not I , I scorn to be caprichious for a scrach , Martino must haue another bout , come .

Val. Seb. Balth.

No , no , play no more , play no more .

Oni.

Foe , t is nothing a philip , a deuise , fellow Iuniper prithee get me a Plantan , I had rather play with one that had skil by halfe .

Mart.

By my troth , fellow Onion , t was against my will .

Oni. Nay that 's not so , t was against my head , But come , wee le ha one bout more . Iunip.

Not a bout , not a stroke .

Omnes .

No more , no more .

Iunip.

Why I le giue you demonstration , how it came , Thou openest the dagger to falsifie ouer with the back sword frick , and he interrupted , before he could fall to the close .

Oni.

No , no , I know best how it was better the� any man here , I felt his play presently : for looke you , I gathered vpon him thus , thus do you see ? for the double locke , and tooke it single on the head .

Valen.

He sayes very true , he tooke it single on the head .

Sebast.

Come le ts go .

Enter Martino with a cob-web . Mar.

Here fellow Onion , here 's a cob-web .

Oni.

How ? a cob-web Martino , I will haue another bout with you ? S'wounds do you first breake my head , and then giue me a plaister in scorne ? come to it , I will haue a bout .

Mart.

God's my witnesse .

Oni.

Tut ! your witnesse cannot serue .

Iunip.

S'bloud ? why what , thou art not lunatike , art thou ? and thou bee'st auoide Mephostophiles . Say the signe shoud be in Aries now : as it may be for all vs , where were your life ? Answere me that ?

Sebast.

Hee sayes well , Onion .

Valen.

I indeed doo's he .

Iunip.

Come , come , you are a foolish Naturalist , go , get a white a of an egge , and a little flax , and close the breach of the head , it is the most conducible thing that can be . Martino , do not insinuate vpon your good fortune , but play an honest part and beare away the bucklers .

Exeunt .
Act. 3.
Scaene 1. Enter Angelo solus . ANge. My yong and simple friend , Paulo Ferneze , Bound me with mighty solemne coniurations , To be true to him , in his loue , to Rachel , And to solicite his remembrance still , In his enforced absence , much , I faith . True to my friend in cases of affection ? In womens cases ? what a iest it is ? How silly he is , that imagines it ! He is an asse that will keepe promise stricktly In any thing that checkes his priuate pleasure ; Chiefly in loue . S'bloud am not I a man ? Haue I not eyes that are as free to looke ? And bloud to be enflam'd as well as his ? And when it is so , shall I not pursue Mine owne loues longings , but preferre my friends ? I t is a good foole , do so , hang me then , Because I swore , alas , who doo's not know , That louers periuries are ridiculous ? Haue at thee Rachel : I le go court her sure : For now I know her father is abroad . Enter Iaques . S'bloud see , he is here , ô what damn'd lucke is this ? This labour 's lost , I must by no meanes see him . tau , dery , dery , Exit .
Scaene 2. Iaques , Christophero . IAq. Mischiefe and hell , what is this man a spirit , Haunts he my houses ghost ? still at my doore ? He has beene at my doore , he has beene in , In my deere doore : pray God my gold be safe . Enter Christophero . Gods pitty , here 's another . Rachel , ho Rachel . Chris.

God saue you honest father .

Iaq.

Rachel , Gods light , come to me , Rachel , Rachel !

Exit . Chris. Now in Gods name what ayles he ? this is strange ! He loues his daughter so , I le lay my life , That hee 's afraid , hauing beene now abroad , I come to seeke her loue vnlawfully . Enter Iaques . Iaq.

T is safe , t is safe , they haue not rob'd my treasure .

Chris.

Let it not seeme offensiue to you sir .

Iaq.

Sir , God 's my life , sir , sir , call me sir .

Chris.

Good father here me .

Iaq. You are most welcome sir , I meant almost ; and would your worship speake ? Would you abase your selfe to speake to me ? Chris. T is no abasing father : my intent Is to do further honour to you sir Then onely speake : which is to be your sonne . Iaq. My gold is in his nostrels , he has smelt it , Breake breast , breake heart , fall on the earth my entrailes , With this same bursting admiration ! He knowes my gold , he knowes of all my treasure , How do you know sir ? whereby do you guesse ? Chris.

At what sir ? what i st you meane ?

Iaq. I aske , an 't please your Gentle worship , how you know ? I meane , how I should make your worship know That I haue nothing � To giue with my poore daughter ? I haue nothing : The very aire , bounteous to euery man , Is scant to me , sir . Chris.

I do thinke good father , you are but poore ,

Iaq. He thinkes so , harke , but thinke so : He thinkes not so , he knowes of all my treasure . Exit . Chris. Poore man he is so ouerioyed to heare His daughter may be past his hopes bestowed , That betwixt feare and hope ( if I meane simply ) He is thus passionate . Enter Iaques . Iaq. Yet all is safe within , is none without ? No body breake my walles ? Chris.

What say you father , shall I haue your daughter ?

Iaq.

I haue no dowry to bestow vpon her .

Chris.

I do expect none , father .

Iaq. That is well , Then I beseech your worship make no question Of that you wish , t is too much fauour to me . Chris. I le leaue him now to giue his passions breath , Which being setled , I will fetch his daughter : I shall but moue too much , to speake now to him . Exit Christophero . Iaq. So , hee 's gone , would all were dead and gone , That I might liue with my deere gold alone .
Scaene 3. Iaques , Count . Count .

Here is the poore old man .

Iaq.

Out of my soule another , comes he hither ?

Count .

Be not dismaid old man , I come to cheere you .

Iaq. To me by heauen , Turne ribs to brasse , turne voice into a trumpet , To rattle out the battels of my thoughts , One comes to hold me talke , while th' other robbes me . Exit . Count . He has forgot me sure : what should this meane ? He feares authority , and my want of wife Will take his daughter from him to defame her : He that hath naught on earth but one poore daughter , May take this extasie of care to keepe her . Enter Iaques . Iaq. And yet t is safe : they meane not to vse force , But fawning comming . I shall easly know By his next question , if he thinke me rich , Whom see I ? my good Lord ? Count . Stand vp good father , I call thee not father for thy age , But that I gladly wish to be thy sonne , In honoured marriage with thy beauteous daughter . Iaq. O , so , so , so , so , so , this is for gold , Now it is sure , this is my daughters neatnesse , Makes them beleeue me rich . No , my good Lord , I le tell you all ; how my poore haplesse daughter Got that attire she weares from top to toe . Count .

Why father , this is nothing .

Iaq.

O yes , good my Lord .

Count .

Indeed it is not .

Iaq. Nay sweet Lord pardon me ? do not dissemble , Heare your poore beads-man speake ; t is requisite That I ( so huge a beggar ) make account Of things that passe my calling : she was borne T' enioy nothing vnderneath the sonne : But that , if she had more then other beggars She should be enuied : I will tell you then How she had all she weares , her warme shooes ( God wot ) A kind maide gaue her , seeing her go barefoot In a cold frosty morning ; God requite her ; Her homely stockings Count . Father , I le heare no more , thou mou'st too much With thy too curious answere for thy daughter , That doth deserue a thousand times as much , I le be thy Sonne in law , and she shall weare Th' attire of Countesses . Iaq. O good my Lord , Mock not the poore , remembers not your Lordship , That pouerty is the precious gift of God . As well as riches , tread vpon me , rather Then mocke my poorenes . Count . Rise I say : When I mocke poorenes , then heauens make me poore . Enter Nuntius .
Scaene 7. Nuncio , Count . NVn. See here 's the Count Ferneze , I will tell him The haplesse accident of his braue sonne , That hee may seeke the sooner to redeeme him , Exit Iaques . God saue your Lordship . Count .

You are right welcome sir .

Nun.

I would I brought such newes as might deserue it .

Count .

What , bring you me ill newes ?

Nun. T is ill my Lord , Yet such as vsuall chance of warre affoords , And for which all men are prepar'd that vse it , And those that vse it not , but in their friends , Or in their children . Count . Ill newes of my sonne ? My deere and onely sonne , I le lay my soule , Ay me accurs'd , thought of his death doth wound me , And the report of it will kill me quite . Nun.

T is not so ill my Lord .

Count .

How then ?

Nun. Hee 's taken prisoner , and that 's all . Count . That 's enough , enough , I set my thoughts on loue , on seruile loue , Forget my vertuous wife , feele not the dangers , The bands and wounds of mine owne flesh and bloud , And therein am a mad man : therein plagu'd , With the most iust affliction vnder heauen . Is Maximilian taken prisoner to ? Nun.

My good my Lord , he is return'd with prisoners .

Count . I st possible , can Maximilian ? Returne , and view my face without my sonne , For whom he swore such care as for himselfe ? Nun.

My Lord no care can change the euents of war .

Count . O! in what tempests do my fortunes saile , Still wrackt with winds more foule and contrary , Then any northen guest , or Southerne flawe ? That euer yet inforc't the sea to gape , And swallow the poore Marchants traffique vp ? First in Vicenza , lost I my first sonne ; Next here in Millaine my most deere lou'd Lady : And now my Paulo , prisoner to the French , Which last being printed with my other griefes , Doth make so huge a volume , that my brest Cannot containe them . But this is my loue : I must make loue to Rachel , heauen hath throwne , This vengeance on me most deseruedly : Were it for nought but wronging of my steward . Nun. My Lord since onely mony may redresse The worst of this misfortune , be not griued , Prepare his ransome and your noble sonne Shall greete your cheered eyes , with the more honour . Count . I will prepare his ransome : gratious heauen Grant his imprisonment may be his worst , Honored and souldier-like imprisonment , And that he be not manacled and made A drudge to his proude foe . And here I vow , Neuer to dreame of seeme-les amorous toyes , Nor aime at other ioy on earth , But the fruition of my onely sonne . Exunt
Scaene 5. Enter Iaques with his gold and a scuttle full of horse-dung . Iaq, He 's gone : I knew it ; this is our hot louer , I will beleeue them ! I ! they may come in Like simple woers , and be arrant theeues , And I not know them ! t is not to be told , What seruile villanies , men will do for gold , O it began to haue a huge strong smell , Which lying so long together in a place ; I le giue it vent , it shall ha shift inough , And if the diuell , that enuies all goodnesse , Haue told them of my gold , and where I kept it , I le set his burning nose once more a worke , To smell where I remou'd it , here it is : I le hide and couer it with this horse-dung : Who will suppose that such a precious nest Is crownd with such a dunghill excrement ? In my deere life , sleepe sweetly my deere child . " Scarce lawfully begotten , but yet gotten , " And that 's enough . Rot all hands that come neere thee Except mine owne . Burne out all eyes that see thee , Except mine owne . All thoughts of thee be poyson To their enamor'd harts , except mine owne , I le take no leaue , sweet Prince great Emperour , But see thee euery minute , King of Kings , I le not be rude to thee , and turne my backe , In going from thee , but go backward out : With my face toward thee , with humble curtesies , None is within . None ouerlookes my wall . To haue gold , and to haue it safe , is all . Exit .
Actus 3.
Scaene 1. Enter Maximilian , with souldiers Chamount , Camilla , Ferneze , Pacue . Max.

Lord Chamount and your valient friend there , I cannot say welcome to Millaine : your thoughts and that word are not musicall , but I can say you are come to Millaine .

Pac.

Mort diew .

Cha.

Gar soone .

Max.

Gentlemen ( I would cal an Emperour so ) you are now my prisoners , I am sorry , marry this , spit in the face of your fortunes , for your vsage shall be honorable .

Cam. Wee know it signior Maximilian , The fame of al your actions sounds nought else , But perfect honour from her swelling cheeks . Max.

It shall do so still I assure you , and I will giue you reason , there is in this last action ( you know ) a noble gentleman of our party , & a right valient ; semblably prisoner to your general , as your honor'd selfe 's to me , for whose safety , this tongue hath giuen warrant to his honorable father , the Count Ferneze . You conceiue me .

Cam.

I signior .

Max.

Well ? then I must tell you your ransomes be to redeeme him , what thinke you ? your answer .

Cam. Marry with my Lords leaue here I say signior , This free & ample offer you haue made , Agrees well with your honour , but not ours : For I thinke not but Chamount is aswell borne As is Ferneze , then if I mistake not , He scornes to haue his worth so vnderprised , That it should neede an adiunct , in exchange , Of any equall fortune , Noble Signior ? I am a souldier , and I loue Chamount , Ere I would bruse his estimation , With the least ruine of mine owne respect , In this vild kind , these legs should rot with irons , This body pine in prison , till the flesh Dropt from my bones in flakes , like withered leaues , In heart of Autumne , from a stubborne Oke . Maxi.

Mounsieur Gasper ( I take it so is your name ) misprise me not , I wil trample on the hart , on the soule of him that shall say , I will wrong you : what I purpose , you cannot now know ; but you shall know , and doubt not to your contentment . Lord Chamount , I will leaue you , whilest I go in and present my selfe to the honorable Count , till my regression so please you , your noble feete may measure this priuate , pleasant and most princely walke , Souldiers regard them and respect them .

Pac.

O Ver bon : excellenta gull , he tak'a my Lord Chamount for Mounsieur Gaspra , & Mounsieur Gaspra for my Lord Chamont , ô dis be braue for make a me laugh'a , ha , ha , ha , ô my heart tickla .

Cam. I but your Lordship knowes not what hard fate Might haue pursued vs , therefore howsoere The changing of our names was necessary And we must now be carefull to maintaine This error strongly , which our owne deuise , Hath thrust into their ignorant conceits , For should we ( on the taste of this good fortune ) Appeare our selues , t' would both create in them A kinde of iealousie , and perchaunce inuert Those honourable courses they intend . Cha. True my deere Gasper : but this hang by here , Will ( at one time or other ) on my soule Discouer vs : A secret in his mouth Is like a wild bird put into a cage , Whose doore no sooner opens , but t is out . But sirra , if I may but know Thou vtterst it Pac.

Vtteria ? vat Mounsieur ?

Cha.

That he is Gasper , and I true Chamont .

Pac. O pardone moy , fore my tongue shall put out de secreta , Shall breede de cankra in my mouth . Count .

Speake not so loud Pacue .

Pac.

Foe , you shall not heare foole , for all your long eare , Reguard Mounsieur : you be de Chamont , Chamont be Gaspra .

Enter Count Ferueze , Maximilian , Francesco , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Finio . Cha.

Peace , here comes Maximilian .

Cam.

O belike that 's the Count Ferneze , that old man .

Cha.

Are those his daughters , trow ?

Cam.

I sure , I thinke they are .

Cha.

Fore God the taller is a gallant Lady .

Cam.

So are they both beleeue me .

Max.

True my honorable Lord , that Chamont was the father of this man .

Count . O that may be , for when I lost my sonne , This was but yong it seemes . Fran. Faith had Camillo liued , He had beene much about his yeares , my Lord . Count .

He had indeed , well , speake no more of him .

Max.

Signior perceiue you the errour ? t was no good office in vs to stretch the remembrance of so deere a losse . Count Ferneze , let sommer sit in your eye , looke cheerefully sweete Count , will you do me the honour to confine this noble spirit within the circle of your armes ?

Count . Honor'd Chamont reach me your valiant hand , I could haue wisht some happier accident Had made the way vnto this mutuall knowledge , Which either of vs now must take of other , But sure it is the pleasure of our fates , That we should thus be wrack't on Fortunes wheele , Let vs prepare with steeled patience To tread on torment , and with mindes confirm'd Welcome the worst of enuy . Max.

Noble Lord , t is thus . I haue here ( in mine honour ) set this gentleman free , without ransome , he is now himselfe , his valour hath deseru'd it , in the eye of my iudgement . Mounsieur Gasper you are deere to me : fortuna non mutuat genus . But to the maine , if it may square with your Lordships liking , and his loue , I could desire that he were now instantly imployed to your noble Generall in the exchange of Ferneze for your selfe , it is the businesse that requires the tender hand of a friend .

Count . I , and it would be with more speed effected , If he would vndertake it . Max.

True my Lord . Mounsieur Gasper , how stand you affected to this motion ?

Cha.

My duty must attend his Lordships will .

Max.

What sayes the Lord Chamont ?

Cam.

My will doth then apprroue what these haue vrg'd .

Max.

Why there is good harmony , good musicke in thise Mounsieur Gasper , you shall protract no time , onely I will giue you a bowle of rich wine to the health of your Generall , another to the successe of your iourney , and a third to the loue of my sword . Passe .

Exeunt all but Aurelia and Phoenixella . Anre. Why how now sister in a motley muse ? Go to , ther 's somewhat in the wind , I see . Faith this browne study suites not with your blacke , Your habit and your thoughts are of two colours . Phoen.

Good faith me thinkes that this young Lord Chamont fauours my mother , sister , does he not ?

Aure. A motherly conceite , ô blind excuse , Blinder then loue himselfe . Well sister , well . Cupid hath tane his stand in both your eyes , The case is alterd . Phoen.

And what of that ?

Aure. Nay nothing but a Saint . Another Bridget , one that for a face Would put downe Vesta , in whose lookes doth swim , The very sweetest creame of modesty . You to turne tippet ? fie , fie , will you giue A packing penny to Virginity . I thought youl 'd dwell so long in Cypres I le , You 'd worship Maddam Venus at the length ; But come , the strongest fall , and why not you ? Nay , do not frowne . Phoen.

Go . go , you foole . Adiew .

Aure. Well I may iest , or so : but Cupid knowes My taking is as bad , or worse then hers . O Mounsieur Gasper ? if thou bee'st a man , Be not affraid to court me , do but speake , Challenge thy right and weare it : for I sweare Till thou arriud'st , nere came affection here . Exit . Enter Pacue , Finio . Fin . Come on my sweet finicall Pacue , the very prime Of Pages , here 's an excellent place for vs to practise in , No body fees vs here , come le ts to it . Enter Onion . Pac.

Contenta : Reguarde , vou le Preimer .

Oni.

Sirra Finio ?

Pac.

Mort deiu le pesant .

Oni.

Didst thou see Valentine ?

Finio .

Valentine ? no .

Oni.

No ?

Fini.

No . Sirrah Onion , whither goest ?

Oni.

O I am vext , he that would trust any of these lying trauellers .

Finio .

I prithee stay good Onion .

Pac.

Mounsieur Onion , vene ca , come hidera , Ie vou prey . By gar me ha see two , tree , foure hundra towsand of your Cousan hang . Lend me your hand , shall prey for know you bettra .

Oni.

I thanke you good signior Parla vou ? O that I were in an other world , in the Ingies , or some where , that I might haue roome to laugh .

Pac.

A we fort boon : stand ? you be deere now , me come , Boon iour Mounsieur .

Vnder the arme . Fin .

God morrow good signior .

Pac

By gar , be mush glad for see you .

Fin

I returne you most kind thanks sir .

Oni.

How ? how ? Sbloud this is rare ?

Pac.

Nay , shall make you say rare by and by , Reguard Mounsieur Finio ,

The shoulder Fin .

Signior Pache.

Pac.

Dieu vou gard Mounsieur .

Fin .

God saue you sweet signior

Pac.

Mounsieur Onion ? is not fort boon .

Oni.

Beane ? quoth he , would I were in debt of a pottle of beanes I could do as much .

Fin .

Welcome signior , what 's next ?

Pac.

O here , Void de grand admiration , as should meet perchance Mounsieur Finio ,

Fin.

Mounsieur Pacue

Pac.

Iesu ? by Gar who thinke wee shall meete here ?

Fin .

By this hand I am not a little proud of it , sir

Oni.

This trick is onely for the the chamber , it cannot be cleanly done abroad ,

Pac.

Well what say you for dis den ? Mounsieur :

Fin.

Nay pray , sir .

Pac.

Par ma foy vou bein encounters ?

Fin

What doe you meane sir , let your gloue alone .

Pac.

Comen , se porte la sante .

Fin .

Faith exceeding well sir .

Pac ,

Trot , be mush ioy for heire .

Fin .

And how i st with you sweet signior Pache.

Pac.

Fat comme vou voyer .

Oni.

Yong gentlemen ? spirits of bloud , if euer you le tast of a sweet peece of mutton , do Onion a good turne now .

Pac.

Que que , parla Mounseir , what i st .

Oni.

Faith teach me one of these tricks .

Pac.

O me shall doe presently , stand you deere , you signior deere , my selfe is here : so fort bein , now I parle to Mounseir Onion , Onion pratla to you , you speaka to me , so , and as you parle chang the bonet , Mounseir Onion .

Oni.

Mounseiur Finio .

Fin .

Mounseur Pacue .

Pac.

Pray be couera .

Oni.

Nay I beseech you sir .

Fin .

What do you meane .

Pac.

Pardon moy , shall be so ,

Oni

O God sir .

Fin .

Not I in good faith sir .

Pac.

By gar you must .

Oni:

It shall be yours .

Fin .

Nay then you wrong me ,

Oni.

Well and euer I come to be great .

Pac.

You be big enough for de Onion already ,

Oni.

I meane a great man .

Fin .

Then thou 'dst be a monster .

Oni.

Well God knowes not what fortune may doe , commaund me , vse me from the soule to the crowne , and the crowne to the soule : meaning not onely from the crowne of the head , and the sole of the foot , but also the foote of the mind and the crownes of the purse , I cannot stay now yong gentlemen but � time was , time is , and time shall be .

Exeunt . Enter Chamount , Camillo . Cha. Sweet Iasper I am sorry we must part , But strong necessity enforceth it . Let not the time seeme long vnto my friend , Till my returne for by our loue I sweare ( The sacred spheare wherein our soules are knit ) I will endeauour to effect this busines With all industrious care and happy speed . Cam. My Lord these circumstances would come well , To one lesse capable of your desert Then I : in whom your mirrit is confirmed With such authenticall and grounded proues . Cha.

Well I will vse no more . Gasper adiew .

Cam.

Farewell my honored Lord .

Cha.

Commend me to the Lady , my good Gasper .

Cam.

I had remembred that had not you vrgd it .

Cha.

Once more adiew sweet Gasper .

Cam.

My good Lord .

Exit Camillo , Cha. Thy vertues are more precious then thy name , Kind gentleman I would not sell thy loue , For all the earthly obiects that mine eyes , Haue euer tasted , sure thou art nobly borne , How euer fortune hath obscurd thy birth : For natiue honour sparkles in thine eyes , How may I blesse the time wherein Chamont My honored father did surprise vicenza , Where this my friend ( knowen by no name ) was found , Being then a child and scarce of power to speake , To whom my father gaue this name of Gasper , And as his owne respected him to death , Since when wee two haue shard our mutuall fortunes , With equall spirits , and but deathes rude hand , No violence shall dissolue this sacred band . Exit . Enter Iuniper in his shop singing : to him Onion . Oni.

Fellow Iuniper , no more of thy songs and sonets , sweet Iuniper , no more of thy hymnes and madrigals , thou sing'st , but I sigh .

Iuni

What 's the matter Peter ha ? what in an Academy still , still in sable , and costly black array ? ha ?

Oni.

Prithee rise mount , mount sweet Iuniper , for I goe downe the wind , and yet I puffe : for I am vext .

Iuni.

Ha Bully ? vext ? what intoxicate ? is thy braine in a quintescence ? an Idea ? a metamorphosis ? an Apology ? ha rogue ? come this loue feeds vpon thee , I see by thy cheekes , and drinkes healthes of vermilion , teares I see by thine eyes .

Oni.

I confesse Cupids carouse , he plaies super negulum with my liquor of life

Iuni.

Tut , thou art a goose to be Cupids gull , go to , no more of this contemplations , & calculations , mourne not , for Rachels thine owne

Oni.

For that let the higher powers worke : but sweet Iuniper , I am not sad for her , and yet for her in a second person , or if not so yet in a third .

Iuni.

How second person ? away , away , in the crotchets already Longitude and Latitude ? what second ? what person ? ha ?

Oni.

Iuniper , I le bewray my selfe before thee , for thy company is sweet vnto me , but I must entreat thy helping hand in the case .

Iuni.

Tut ? no more of this surquedry ; I am thine owne ? ad vngem vpsie freeze : pell mell , come , what case ? what case ?

Oni.

For the case it may be any mans case , aswell as mine , Rachel I meane , but I le medle with her anon , in the meane time , Valentine is the man hath wrongd me .

Iuni.

How my Ingle wrong thee , i st possible ?

Oni.

Your Ingle , hang him infidell , well and if I be not reuengd one him let Peter Onion ( by the infernall Gods ) be turned to al eeke or a scalion , I spake to him for a ditty for this handkerchier .

Iuni.

Why , has he not done it ?

Oni.

Done it , not a verse by this hand .

Iuni.

O in dichus illis , O preposterous , wel come be blith , the best iudge of the is somtimes dul , fellow Onion pardon mine Iugle : he is a man , has imperfections and declinations , as other men haue , his masse somtimes cannot carnet nor prognisticat and come of , as it should , no matter , I le hammer our a paraphrase for thee my selfe .

Oni.

No sweet Iuniper , no danger doth breed delay , loue makes me chollericke I can beare no longer .

Iuni.

Not beare ? what my mad Meridian slaue ? not be are ? what ?

Oni.

Cupids burden : t is to heauy , to tollerable , and as for the handkerchire and the posie : I will not trouble thee : but if thou wilt goe with me into her fathers backside , old Iaques backside , and speake for me to Rachel , I wil not being ratitude , the old man is abroad and all .

Iuni.

Art thou sure on 't .

Oni.

As sure as an obligation .

Iuni.

Le ts away then , come we spend time in a vaine circumference , trade I cashire thee til to morrow , fellow Onion for thy sake I finish this workiday .

Oni.

God a mercy , and for thy sake I le at any time make a holiday .

Exunt . Enter Angelio , Rachel . Ang.

Nay I prithee Rachel , I come to comfort thee , Be not so sad .

Rach. O signior Angelo , No comfort but his presence can remoue , This sadnesse from my heart . Ang. Nay then y' are fond , And want that strength of iudgement and election , That should be attendent on your yeares and forme , Will you , because your Lord is taken prisoner , Blubber and weepe and keepe a peeuish stirre , As though you would turne turtle with the newes , Come , come , be wise . Sblood say your Lord should die : And you goe marre your face as you begin , What would you doe trow ? who would care for you ; But this it is , when nature will bestow Her gifts on such as know not how to vse them , You shall haue some that had they but one quarter Of your faire beauty ? they would make it shew A little otherwise then you do this , Or they would see the painter twice an hower , And I commend them I , that can vse art , With such iudiciall practise . Rach. You talke iedly , If this be your best comfort keepe it still , My sences cannot feede on such sower cates . Ang.

And why sweet heart .

Rach.

Nay leaue good signior .

Ang.

Come I haue sweeter vyands yet in store .

Enter Onion and Iuniper . Iuni.

I in any case mistres Rachel .

Ang.

Rachel ?

Rach.

Gods pitty signior Angelo , I here my father , away for Gods sake .

Ang:

S'bloud , I am betwixt , I thinke , this is twice now , I haue been serued thus .

Exit Rach.

Pray God he meet him not .

Exit Rechel . Oni.

O braue ? she 's yonder , O terrible shee 's gone .

Iuni.

Yea ? so nimble in your Dilemma's , and your Hiperbole's Hay my loue ? O my loue , at the first sight : By the masse .

Oni.

O how she skudded , O sweet scud , how she tripped , O delicate trip and goe .

Iuni.

Come thou art enamored with the influence of her profundity , but sirrah harke a little .

Oni.

O rare , what ? what ? passing Ifaith , what i st ? what i st ?

Iuni.

What wilt thou say now , if Rachel stand now , and play hity tity through the key hole , to behold the equipage of thy person :

Oni.

O sweet equipage , try good Iuniper , tickle her , talke , talke , O ? rare

Iuni.

Mistris Rachel ( watch then if her father come ) Rachel ? Madona ? Rachel ? No .

Oni.

Say I am here , Onion or Peter or so .

Iuni.

No , I le knock , wee le not stand vpon Horizons , and tricks , but fall roundly to the matter .

Oni.

Well said sweet Iuniper : Horizons ? hang hem ? knock , knock .

Rach.

Whos 's there ? father .

Iuni.

Father no ? and yet a father , if you please to be a mother .

Oni.

Well said Iuniper , to her againe , a smack or two more of the mother

Iuni.

Do you here ? sweet soule , sweet radamant ? sweet mathauell one word Melpomine ? are you at leasure .

Rach.

At leasure ? what to doe ?

Iuni.

To doe what , to doe nothing , but to be liable to the extasie of true loues exigent , or so , you smell my meaning .

Oni.

Smell , filthy , fellow Iuniper filthy ? smell ? O most odious .

Iuni.

How filthy .

Oni.

Filthy , by this finger ? smell ? smell a rat , smel a pudding , away these tricks are for truls , a plaine wench loues plaine dealing , I le vpon my selfe , smel to march paine wench .

Iuni.

With all my heart , I le be legitimate and silent as an apple-squire , I le see nothing , and say nothing .

Oni.

Sweet hart , sweet hart ?

Iuni.

And bag pudding , ha , ha , ha ?

Iaq.

What Rachel my girle what Rachel ;

Within Oni.

Gods lid ?

Iaq.

What Rachel ,

Within Rach.

Here I am

Within Oni

What rakehell cals Rachel : O treason to my loue .

Iuni.

It s her father on my life , how shall wee entrench and edifie our selues from him ?

Oni.

O conni-catching Cupid .

Enter Iaques . Iaq. How in my back side ? where ? what come they for ? Onion gets vp into a tree . Where are they ? Rachel ? theeues , theeues ? Stay villaine slaue : Rachel ? vntye my dog . Nay theife thou canst not scape . Iuni.

I pray you sir .

Oni.

A pitifull Onion , that thou hadst a rope .

Iaq.

Why Rachel : when I say : let loose my dog ? garlique my mastiue , let him loose I say .

Iuni.

For Gods sake here me speake , keepe vp your cur .

Oni.

I feare not garlique , hee le not bite Onion his kinsman pray God he come out , and then thei le not smell me .

Iaq.

well then deliuer , come deliuer slaue ?

Iuni.

What should I deliuer ?

Iaq.

O thou wouldst haue me tell thee ? wouldst thou shew me thy hands , what hast thou in thy hands ?

Iuni.

Here be my hands .

Iaq.

Stay are not thy fingers ends begrimd with durt , no thou hast wipt them .

Iuni.

Wipt them ?

Iaq.

I thou villaine ? thou art a subtile knaue , put off thy shewes , come I will see them , giue me a knife here Rachel , I le rip the soles .

Oni.

No matter he 's a cobler , he can mend them .

Iuni.

What are you mad ? are you detestable , would you make an Anatomy of me , thinke you I am not true Ortographie ?

Iaq.

Ortographie , Anatomy ?

Iuni.

For Gods sake be not so inuiolable , I am no ambuscado , what predicament call you this , why do you intimate so much .

Iaq.

I can feele nothing .

Oni.

Bi r Lady but Onion feeles something .

Iaq.

Soft sir , you are not yet gon , shake your legs , come , and your armes , be briefe , stay let me see these drums , these kilderkins , these bombard slops , what is it crams hem so .

Iuni.

Nothing but haire .

Iaq.

That 's true , I had almost forgot this rug , this hedghogs nest , this hay mowe , this beares skin , this heath , this firsbush .

Iuni.

O let me goe , you teare my haire , you reluolue my braines and vnderstanding .

Iaq. Heart , thou art somewhat eas'd ? halfe of my feare Hath tane his leaue of my , the other halfe Still keepes possession in dispight of hope , Vntill these amorous eyes , court my faire gold : Deare I come to thee : friend , why art not gone ? Auoid my soules vexation , Sathan hence ? Why doest thou stare on me , why doest thou stay ? Why por'st thou on the ground with theeuish eyes ? What see'st thou there , thou curre ? what gap'st thou at ? Hence from my house , Rachel , send garlick forth . Iunip.

I am gone sir , I am gone , for Gods sake stay .

Exit Iuniper . Iaq.

Pack , and thanke God thou scap'st so well away .

Oni.

If I scape this tree , destinies , I defie you .

Iaq. I cannot see by any Characters Writ on this earth , that any fellon foote Hath tane acquaintance of this hallowed ground . None sees me : knees do homage to your Lord . T is safe , t is safe , it lyes and sleepes so soundly , T would do one good to looke on 't . If this blisse Be giuen to any man that hath much gold , Iustly to say t is safe , I say t is safe . O what a heauenly round these two words dance Within me and without me : First I thinke hem , And then I speake hem , then I watch their sound , And drinke it greedily with both mine eares , Then thinke , then speake , then drinke their sound againe , And racket round about this bodies court . These two sweet words : t is safe : stay I will feed My other sences , ô how sweet it smels Oni.

I mar'le he smels not Onion , being so neere it .

Iaq. Downe to thy graue againe , thou beauteous Ghost , Angels men say , are spirits : Spirits be Inuisible , bright angels are you so ? Be you inuisible to euery eye . Saue onely these : Sleepe , I le not breake your rest , Though you breake mine : Deare Saints adiew , adiew : My feete part from you , but my soule dwels with you . Exit . Oni. Is he gone ? ô Fortune my friend , & not fortune my foe , I come downe to embrace thee , and kisse thy great toe . Enter Iuniper . Iunip.

Fellow Onion ? Peter .

Oni.

Fellow Iuniper . What 's the old panurgo gone ? departed , cosmografied , ha ?

Oni.

O I , and harke Sirrah . Shall I tell him ? no .

Iunip.

Nay , be briefe and declare , stand not vpon conodrums now , thou knowest what contagious speeches I haue sufferd for thy sake and he should come againe and inuent me here .

Oni. He saies true , it was for my sake , I will tell him . Sirra Iuniper ? and yet I will not . Iunip.

What sayest thou sweete Onion ?

Oni.

And thou hadst smelt the sent of me when I was in the tree , thou wouldest not haue said so : but Sirra , The case is alterd with me , my heart has giuen loue a box of the eare , made him kicke vp the heeles I faith .

Iunip.

Sayest thou me so , wad Greeke ? how haps it ? how chances it .

Oni.

I cannot hold it , Iuniper , haue an eye , looke , haue an eye to the doore , the old prouerb 's true , I see : gold is but mucke . Nay Gods so Iuniper to the doore , an eye to the maine chance , here you slaue , haue an eye .

Iunip.

O inexorable ! ô infallible ! ô infricate deuine , and superficiall fortune .

Oni.

Nay , it will be sufficient anon , here , looke heere .

Iunip.

O insolent good lucke ! How didst thou produce th' intelligence of the gold' mynerals .

Oni. I le tell you that anon , heere , make shift , conuey , cramme . I le teach you how you shall call for garlike againe I faith . Iunip.

S'bloud what shall we do with all this ? we shall nere bring it to a consumption .

Oni.

Consumption ? why wee le bee most sumptuously attir'd , man .

Iunip.

By this gold , I will haue three or foure most stigmaticall suites presently .

Oni.

I le go in my foot-cloth , I le turne Gentleman .

Iunip.

So will I .

Oni.

But what badge shall we giue , what cullison ?

Iunip.

As for that le ts vse the infidelity and commiseration of some harrot of armes , he shall giue vs a gudgeon .

Oni.

A gudgeon ? a scutheon thou wouldst say , man .

Iunip.

A scutcheon or a gudgeon , all is one .

Oni.

Well , our armes be good inough , le ts looke to our legges .

Iunip.

Content , wee le be iogging .

Oni.

Rachel ? we retire : garlike God boy ye .

Iunip.

Farewell sweete Iaques .

Oni.

Farewell sweete Rachel , sweet dogge adiew .

Exeunt . Enter Maximilian , Count Ferneze , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Pache. Max.

Nay but sweet Count .

Count . Away , I le heare no more , Neuer was man so palpably abusd , My sonne so basely marted ; and my selfe Am made the subiect of your mirth and scorne . Max. Count Ferneze you tread to hard vpon my patience , Do not persist I aduise your Lordship . Count . I will persist , and vnto thee I speake . Thou , Maximilian thou hast iniur'd me . Max.

Before the Lord :

Aur.

Sweet signior .

Phoe

O my father .

Mvx.

Lady let your father thank your beauty .

Pac. By gar me shall be hang for tella dis same , Metella madamoyselle , she tell her sadera . Count . The true Chamount set free , and one left here Of no descent , clad barely in his name . Sirrah boy come hither , and be sure , you speake the simple truth : Pac.

O pardone moy mounsieur ,

Count Come leaue your pardons , and directly say . What villaine is the same that hath vsurpt , The honor'd name and person of Chamount : Pac

O Mounsieur , no point villaine , braue Cheualier , Mounsieur Gasper .

Count .

Mounsieur Gasper , on what occasion did they change their names , what was their policy , or their pretext .

Pac.

Me canno tell , par ma foy Mounsieur .

Max.

My honorable Lord .

Count .

Tut tut , be silent .

Max. Silent ? Count Ferneze , I tell thee if Amurath the great Turke were here I would speake , and he should here me . Count .

So will not I .

Max.

By my fathers hand , but thou shalt Count , I say till this instant , I was neuer toucht in my reputation : here me you shall knowe that you haue wrongd me , and I will make you acknowledge it , if I cannot my sword shall .

Count . By heauen I will not , I will stop mine eares , My sences loath the Sauiour of thy breath . T is poyson to me , I say I will not heare . What shall I know , t is you haue iniurd me , What will you make ? make me acknowledge it . Fetch forth that Gasper , that lewd counterfeit . Enter seruing with Camillo . I le make him to your face approue your wrongs . Come on false substance , shadow to Chamont : Had you none else to worke vpon but me , Was I your fittest proiect ? well confesse , What you intended by this secret plot . And by whose policy it was contriu'd , Speake truth , and be intreated courteously , But double with me , and resolue to proue The extremest rigor that I can inflict . Cam. My honor'd Lord , heare me with patience , Nor hope of fauour , not the feare of torment , Shall sway my tongue , from vttring of a truth . Count .

T is well , proceed then .

Cam. The morne before this battell did begin , Wherein my Lord Chamount and I were tane , We vow'd one mutuall fortune , good or bad , That day should be imbraced of vs both , And vrging that might worst succeede our vow , We there concluded to exchange our names . Count .

Then Maximilian tooke you for Chamount .

Cam.

True noble Lord .

Count . T is false , ignoble wretch , T was but a complot to betray my sonne . Max. Count , thou lyest in thy bosome , Count : Count .

Lye ?

Cam. Nay I beseech you honor'd gentlemen , Let not the vntimely ruine of your loue , Follow these sleight occurents ; be assured Chamounts returne will heale these wounds againe , And breake the points of your too piercing thoughts . Count . Returne ? I when ? when will Chamount returne ? Hee le come to fetch you , will he ? I t is like , Youl 'd haue me thinke so , that 's your policy . No , no , yong gallant , your deuice is stale , You cannot feed me with so vaine a hope . Cam. My Lord , I feede you not with a vaine hope , I know assuredly he will returne , And bring your noble sonne along with him . Max.

I , I dare pawne my soule he will returne .

Count . O impudent dirision ? open scorne ? Intollerable wrong ? is 't not inough ? That you haue plaid vpon me all this while ; But still to mocke me , still to iest at me ? Fellowes , away with him , thou ill-bred slaue , That sets no difference twixt a noble spirit , And thy owne slauish humour , do not thinke But I le take worthy vengeance on thee , wretch ? Cam. Alas , these threats are idle , like the wind , And breed no terror in a guiltlesse mind . Count .

Nay , thou shalt want no torture , so resolue , bring him away .

Cam. Welcome the worst , I suffer for a friend , Your tortures will , my loue shall neuer end . Exeunt . Manent Maximillian , Aurelia , Phoenixella , Pacue . Phoen. Alas poore gentleman , my fathers rage Is too extreame , too sterne and violent O that I knew with all my strongest powers , How to remoue it from thy patient breast , But that I cannot , yet my willing heart , Shall minister in spight of tyranny To thy misfortune , something there is in him , That doth enforce this strange affection , With more then common rapture in my breast : For being but Gasper , he is still as deare To me , as when he did Chamount appeare . Exit Phoenixella . Aure.

But in good sadnesse Signior , do you thinke Chamount will returne ?

Max.

Do I see your face , Lady ?

Aure.

I sure , if loue haue not blinded you .

Max.

That is a question , but I will assure you no , I can see , and yet loue is in mine eye : well , the Count your father simply hath dishonor'd me : and this steele shall engraue it on his burgonet .

Aure.

Nay , sweet Signior .

Max. Lady , I do preferre my reputation to my life , But you shall rule me , come le ts march . Exit Maximillian . Aure. I le follow Signior , ô sweet Queene of loue ! Soueraigne of all my thoughts , and thou faire fortune , Who ( more to honour my affections ) Hast thus translated Gasper to Chamount . Let both your flames now burne in one bright speare ; And giue true light to my aspiring hopes , Hasten Chamounts returne , let him affect me , Though father , friends , and all the world reiect me . Exit . Enter Angelo , Christopher . Ange. Sigh for a woman , would I fould mine armes , Raue in my sleepe , talke idly being awake , Pine and looke pale , make loue-walkes in the night , To steale cold comfort from a day-starres eyes . Kit , thou art a foole , wilt thou be wise ? then lad Renounce this boy-gods nice idolatry , Stand not on complement , and wooing trickes , Thou louest old Iaques daughter , doest thou ? Chris.

Loue her ?

Ange. Come , come , I know 't , be rul'd and shee s thine owne , Thou't say her father Iaques , the old begger , Hath pawnd his word to thee , that none but thou , Shalt be his sonne in law . Chris.

He has .

Ange. He has ? wilt thou beleeue him , and be made a kooke , To waite on such an antique wether cocke ; Why he is more inconstant then the sea , His thoughts , Cameleon-like , change euery minute : No Kit , worke soundly , steale the wench away , Wed her , and bed her , and when that is done , Then say to Iaques , shall I be your sonne ? But come to our deuise , where is this gold ? Chris.

Heere Signior Angelo .

Ange. Bestow it , bid thy hands shed golden drops , Let these bald french crownes be vncouered , In open sight , to do obeysance To Iaques staring eyes when he steps forth , The needy beggar will be glad of gold . So , now keepe thou aloose , and as he treades This guilded path , stretch out his ambling hopes , With scattring more & more , & as thou go'st , cry Iaques , Iaques Chris.

Tust , let me alone .

Ang.

First I le play the ghost , I le cal him out , Kit keep aloofe .

Chris.

But Signior Angelo . Where wil your selfe and Rachel stay for me , after the iest is ended ?

Ange.

Masse , that 's true , at the old Priory behinde S. Foyes .

Chris.

Agreed , no better place , I le meete you there .

Ange. Do good foole , do , but I le not meet you there . Now to this geere , Iaques , Iaques , what Iaques ? within Iaq.

Who cals ? whos 's there ?

Ange.

Iaques .

within Iaq.

Who cals ?

Ange.

Steward , he comes , he comes Iaques .

Enter Iaques . Iaq. What voice is this ? no body here , was I not cald ? I was . And one cride Iaques with a hollow voyce , I was deceiu'd , no I was not deceiu'd , See see , it was an Angell cald me forth , Gold , gold , man-making gold , another starre , Drop they from heauen , no , no , my house I hope Is haunted with a Fairy . My deere Lar , My houshold God , My Fairy on my knees . Christ .

Iaques .

Exit Christopher . Iaq. My Lar doth call me , ô sweet voyce . Musicall as the spheares , see , see , more gold . within Chris.

Iaques .

Enter Rachel . Iaq.

What Rachel , Rachel , lock my doore , looke to my house .

within Chris.

Iaques .

Iaq.

Shut fast my doore , a golden crowne , Iaques shall be a king .

Exit . Ange. To a fooles paradice that path will bring Thee and thy houshold Lar . Rach.

What means my father , I wonder what strange humor .

Ange.

Come sweete soule , leaue wondring , start not , t was I laid this plot to get thy father forth .

Rach.

O Angelo .

Ange. O me no oo's , but heare , my Lord your loue , Paulo Ferneze is returnd from warre , Lingers at Pont Valeria , and from thence By post at midnight last , I was coniur'd To man you thither , stand not on replies , A horse is sadled for you , will you go , And I am for you , if you will stay , why so . Rach.

O Angelo , each minute is a day till my Ferneze come , come wee le away sir .

Ange. Sweet soule I guesse thy meaning by thy lookes , At pont Valerio thou thy loue shalt see , But not Ferneze , Steward fare you well . You wait for Rachel to , when can you tell ? Exeunt . Enter Iaq. Iaq. O in what golden circle haue I dan'st ? Millaine these od'rous and enfloured fields Are none of thine , no here 's Elizium , Heere blessed ghosts do walke , this is the Court And glorious palace where the God of gold Shines like the sonne , of sparkling maiesty ; O faire fethered , my red-brested birds , Come flye with me , I le bring you to a quier , Whose consort being sweetned with your sound : The musique will be fuller , and each hower These eares shall banquet with your harmony ô , ô , ô , Enter Christ . Chris. At the old priorie , behind Saint Foyes , That was the place of our appointment sure : I hope he will not make me loose my gold , And mock me to , perhaps they are within : I le knock . Iaq.

O God , the case is alterd .

Christ .

Rachel ?

Angelo ?

Signior Angelo ?

Iaq. Angels ? I where ? mine Angels ? wher 's my gold ? Why Rachel ? O thou theeuish Canibal , Thou eatest my flesh in stealing of my gold . Chris.

What gold ?

Iaq. What gold ? Rachel call help , come forth , I le rip thine entrailes , but I le haue my gold : Rachel why comes thou not ? I am vndone , Ay me she speakes not , thou hast slaine my child . Exit Chris. What is the man possest trow ? this is strange , Rachel I see is gone with Angelo : Well I le once againe vnto the priory , And see if I can meete them . Exit Christopher , Iaq. T is too true , Enter Iaques Th' ast made away my child , how hast my gold : O what Hienna cald me out of dores , The theife is gone : my gold 's gone , Rachels gone , Al 's gone ? saue I that spend my cries in vaine , But I le hence too , and die or end this paine . Exit . Enter Iuniper , Onion , Finio , Valentine . Iuni. Swonds , let me goe , hay catso , catch him aliue , I call , I call , boy , I come , I come sweet heart . Oni.

Page hold my rapier , while I hold my freind here .

Valen.

O heer 's a sweet metamorphosis , a cupple of buzzards turn'd to a paire of peacocks .

Iuni.

Signior Onion , lend me thy boy to vnhang my rapier . On Signior Iuniper for once or so , but troth is , you must inueigle , as I haue done , my Lords page here a poor folower of mine .

Iuni.

Hei ho , your page then sha'not be super intendent vpon me ? he shall not be addicted ? he shall not be incident ? he shall not be incident ? he shall not be incident , shall he ?

Fin . O sweet signior Iuniper . He foynes Iuni Sbloud stand away princocks ? do not aggrauate my ioy . Valen.

Nay good Maister . Onion .

Oni.

Nay and he haue the heart to draw my bloud , let him come .

Iuni.

I le slice you Onion , I le slice you ?

Oni.

I le cleaue you Iuniper .

Valen.

Why hold , hold , hough ? what do you meane ?

Iuni.

Let him come Ingle , stand by boy , his allebaster blad cannot feare me .

Fin .

Why heare you sweet signior , let not there be any conte�tion , betweene my Maister & you , about me , if you want a page sir , I can helpe you to a proper stripling .

Iuni.

Canst thou ? what parentage ? what ancestry ? what genealogy is he ?

Fin .

A french boy sir .

Iuni.

Has he his French linguist ? has he ?

Fin .

I , sir .

Iuni.

Then transport him : her 's a crusado for thee .

Oni.

You will not , imbecell my seruant with your beneuolence will you , hold boy their 's a portmantu for thee .

Fin .

Lord sir .

On.

Do take it boy , it s three pounds ten shill. a portmantu .

Fin .

I thanke your Lordship .

Exit Finio . Iuni. Sirrah Ningle : thou art a traueller , and I honour thee . I prithee discourse ? cherish thy muse ? discourse ? Valen.

Of what sir ?

Iuni.

Of what thou wilt . Sbloud ? hang sorrow ?

Oni.

Prithy Valentine assoile me one thing .

Valen.

T is pitty to soile you sir , your new apparell .

On.

Masse thou saist true , aparel makes a man forget himself .

Iun.

Begin , find your tongue Ningle .

Val. Now will gull these ganders rarely : Gentlemen hauing in my peregrinatio� through Mesopotamia . Iun. Speake legibly , this gam 's gone , without the great mercy of God , Here 's a fine tragedy indeed . Ther 's a Keisars royall . By Gods lid , nor King nor Keisar shall ? Enter Finio , Pacue , Balt . Martino . Balt.

Where ? where ? Finio , where be they .

Iun.

Go to , I le be with you anon .

Oni.

O her 's the page signior Iuniper :

Iun.

What sayth monsier Onion , boy .

Fin .

What say you sir .

Iuni.

Tread out boy .

Fin .

Take vp , you meane sir .

Iun.

Tread out I say , so , I thanke you , is this the boy .

Pac.

Aue mounsieur .

Iuni.

Who gaue you that name .

Pac.

Giue me de name , vat name :

Oni.

He thought your name had been , we yong gentlemen , you must do more then his legges can do for him , beare with him sir .

Iuni.

Sirrah giue me instance of your carriage ? you le serue my turne , will you ?

Pac.

What ? turne vpon the toe .

Fin .

O signior no .

Iuni.

Page will you follow me , I le giue you good exhibition .

Pac.

By gar , shal not alone follow you , but shal leade you to .

Oni.

Plaguie boy , he sooths his humour ? these french villaines ha pockie wits .

Iuni.

Here ? disarme me ? take my semitary .

Valen.

O rare , this would be a rare man , and he had a little trauell , Balthasar , Martino , put off your shooes , and bid him coble them .

Iuni.

Freinds , friends , but pardon me for fellows , no more in occupation , no more in corporation , t is so pardon me , the case is alterd , this is law , but I le stand to nothing .

Pac.

Fat so me tinke .

Iuni.

Well then God saue the dukes Maiesty , is this any harme now ? speake , is this any harme now .

Oni.

No nor good neither , Sbloud ?

Iuni.

Do you laugh at me ? do you laugh at me ? do you laugh at me ?

Valen.

I sir , we do .

Iunip.

You do indeed ?

Valen.

I indeed sir .

Iuni.

T is sufficient , Page carry my purse , dog me ?

Exit . Oni.

Gentlemen leaue him not , you see in what case he is , he is not in aduersity , his purse is full of money , leaue him not ?

Enter Angelo with Rachel . Exeunt Ang.

Nay gentle Rachel ?

Rach. Away ? forbeare ? vngentle Angelo , Touch not my body , with those impious hands , That like hot Irons seare my trembling heart , And make it hisse , at your disloyalty . Enter Chamount Paulo Ferneze . Was this your drift ? to vse Fernezes name ? Was he your fittest stale , ô wild dishonor ! Pau.

Stay noble sir ?

Ange. Sbloud how like a puppet do you talke now ? Dishonor ? what dishonor ? come , come , foole , Nay then I see y' are peeuish , S'heart dishonor ? To haue you to a priest and marry you , And put you in an honorable state . Rach. To marry me ? ô heauen , can it be ? That men should liue with such vnfeeling soules , Without or touch or conscience of religion , Or that their warping appetites should spoile Those honor'd formes , that the true seale of friendship Had set vpon their faces . Ange.

Do you heare ? what needs all this ? say , will you haue me , or no ?

Rach.

I l'e haue you gone , and leaue me , if you would .

Ange. Leaue you ? I was accurst to bring you hither , And make so faire an offer to a foole . A pox vpon you , why should you be coy , What good thing haue you in you to be proud of ? Are y'any other then a beggars daughter ? Because you haue beauty . O Gods light a blast . Pau.

I Angelo .

Ange.

You scornefull baggage , I lou'd thee not so much , but now I hate thee .

Rach. Vpon my knees , you heauenly powers , I thanke you , That thus haue tam'd his wild affections . Ange. This will not do , I must to her againe , Rachel , ô that thou sawst my heart , or didst behold , The place from whence that scalding sigh euented . Rachel , by Iesu I loue thee as my soule , Rachel , sweet Rachel . Rach.

What againe returnd vnto this violent passion .

Ange.

Do but heare me , by heauen I loue you Rachel .

Rach.

Pray forbeare , ô that my Lord Ferneze were but here .

Ange.

Sbloud and he were , what would he do .

Pau.

This would he do base villaine .

Rach.

My deere Lord ,

Pau. Thou monster , euen the soule of trechery ! O what dishonord title of reproch , May my tongue spit in thy deserued face ? Me thinkes my very presence should inuert , The steeled organs of those traytrous eyes , To take into thy heart , and pierce it through : Turn'st thou them on the ground ? wretch , dig a graue , With their sharp points , to hide th' abhorred head ; Sweet loue , thy wrongs haue beene too violent Since my departure from thee , I perceiue : But now true comfort shall againe appeare , And like an armed angell guard thee safe From all th' assaults of couered villany . Come Mounsieur , let 's go , & leaue this wretch to his despaire . Ange.

My noble Ferneze .

Pau. What canst thou speake to me , and not thy tongue , Forc't with the torment of thy guilty soule Breake that infected circle of thy mouth , Like the rude clapper of a crazed bell . I , that in thy bosome lodg'd my soule , With all her traine of secrets , thinking them To be as safe , and richly entertained , As in a Princes court , or tower of strength , And thou to proue a traitor to my trust , And basely to expose it , ô this world ! Ange.

My honorable Lord .

Pau. The very owle , who� other birds do stare & wonder at , Shall hoot at thee , and snakes in euery bush Shall deafe thine eares with their � Cha.

Nay good my Lord , giue end vnto your passions .

Ange.

You shall see , I will redeeme your lost opinion .

Rach.

My Lord beleeue him .

Cha. Come , be satisfied , sweet Lord you know our haste , Let vs to horse , the time for my engaged returne is past ; Be friends againe , take him along with you . Pau.

Come signior Angelo , hereafter proue more true .

Exeunt . Enter Count Ferneze , Maximillian , Francesco . Count . Tut Maximillian , for your honor'd selfe , I am perswaded , but no words shall turne The edge of purposd vengeance on that wretch , Come , bring him forth to execution . Enter Camillo bound , with seruants I le hang him for my sonne , he shall not scape , Had he an hundred liues : Tell me vile slaue , Thinkest thou I loue my sonne ? is he my flesh ? Is he my bloud , my life ? and shall all these be torturd for thy sake , and not reueng'd ? trusse vp the villaine . Max. My Lord , there is no law to confirme this action . T is dishonorable . Count . Dishonorable ? Maximilian ? It is dishonorable in Chamount , the day of his prefixt returne is past , and he shall pay for t . Cam. My Lord , my Lord , Vse your extreamest vengeance , I le be glad To suffer ten times more , for such a friend . Count .

O resolute and peremptory wretch !

Fran.

My honored Lord , let vs intreat a word .

Count . I le heare no more , I say he shall not liue , My selfe will do it . Stay , what forme is this Stands betwixt him and me , and holds my hand . What miracle is this ? t is my owne fancy , Carues this impression in me , my soft nature , That euer hath retaind such foolish pitty , Of the most abiect creatures misery , That it abhorres it , what a child am I To haue a child ? Ay me , my son , my son . Enter Christophero . Chris. O my deere loue , what is become of thee ? What vniust absence layest thou on my brest , Like waights of lead , when swords are at my backe , That run me through with thy vnkind flight , My gentle disposition waxeth wild , I shall run frantike , ô my loue , my loue . Enter Iaques . Iaq. My gold , my gold , my life , my soule , my heauen , What is become of thee ? see , I le impart My miserable losse to my good Lord , Let me haue search my Lord , my gold is gone . Count . My sonne , Christophero , thinkst it possible , I euer shall behold his face againe . Chris. O father wher 's my loue , were you so carelesse To let an vnthrift steale away your child . Iaq. I know your Lordship may find out my gold , For Gods sake pitty me , iustice , sweet Lord . Count . Now they haue yong Chamount ? Christophero ? Surely they neuer will restore my sonne . Chris.

Who would haue thought you could haue beene so carelesse to loose your onely daughter .

Iaq. Who would thinke , That looking to my gold with such hares eyes , That euer open , I euen when thy sleepe , I thus should loose my gold , my noble Lord , what saies your Lordship ? Count .

O my sonne , my sonne .

Chris.

My deerest Rachel ?

Iaq.

My most hony gold .

Count .

Heare me Christophero .

Chris.

Nay heare me Iaques .

Iaq.

Heare me most honor'd Lord .

Max.

What rule is here ?

Count .

O God that we should let Chamount escape .

Enter Aurelia , Phoenixella . Chris.

I and that Rachel , such a vertuous mayd , should be thus stolne away .

Iaq.

And that my gold , being so hid in earth , should bee found out .

Max.

O confusion of languages , & yet no tower of Babel !

Fran.

Ladies , beshrew me , if you come not fit to make a iangling consort , will you laugh to see three constant passions .

Max.

Stand by , I will vrge them , sweet Count , will you be comforted .

Count . It cannot be but he is handled the most cruelly , That euer any noble prisoner was . Max.

Steward , go cheere my Lord :

Chris.

Well , if Rachel tooke her flight willingly ?

Max.

Sirrah , speake you touching your daughters flight ?

Iaq.

O that I could so soone forget to know the thiefe againe , that had my gold , my gold .

Max.

Is not this pure ?

Count . O thou base wretch , I le drag thee through the streets . Enter Balthasar , and whispers with him . And as a monster , make thee wondred at , how now . Phoen. Sweet Gentleman ? how too vnworthily Art thou thus tortured , braue Maximillian , Pitty the poore youth and appease my father , Count . How , my sonne returnd ? O Maximillian , Francisco , daughters ? bid him enter here . Enter Chamount , Ferneze , Rachel , Angelo . Dost thou not mocke me ? O my deere Paulo welcome . Max.

My Lord Chamount ?

Cha.

My Gasper .

Chris.

Rachel .

Iaq.

My gold Rachel ? my gold ?

Count

Some body bid the begger cease his noise .

Chris. O signior Angelo , would you deceiue Your honest friend , that simply trusted you ? Well Rachel : I am glad tho' art here againe . Ang.

I faith she is not for you steward .

Iaq.

I beseech you maddam vrge your father .

Phoe.

I will anon ? good Iaques be content .

Aur. Now God a mercy fortune , and sweet Venus , Let Cupid do his part , and all is well . Phoe.

Me thinks my heart 's in heauen with this comfort .

Cha. Is this the true Italian courtesie . Ferneze were you torturd thus in France ? by my soules safety . Count :

My most noble Lord ? I do beseech your Lordship .

Cha. Honored Count , wrong not your age with flexure of a knee , I do impute it to those cares and griefes , That did torment you in your absent sonne . Count . O worthy gentlemen , I am shamd That my extreame affection to my sonne , Should giue my honour so vncur'd a maine , But my first sonne , being in Vicenza lost . Cha. How in Vicenza ? lost you a sonne there ? About what time my Lord ? Count .

O the same night , wherein your noble father tooke the towne .

Cha.

How long 's that since my Lord ? can you remember .

Count .

T is now well nie vpon the twentith yeare .

Cha.

And how old was he then ?

Count .

I cannot tel , betweene the yeares of three and soure , I take it .

Cha. Had he no speciall note in his attire , Or otherwise , that you can call to mind . Count I cannot well remember his attire , But I haue often heard his mother say : He had about his necke a tablet , Giuen to him by the Emperour Sigismund . His Godfather , with this inscription , Vnder the figure of a siluer Globe : En minimo , mundus . Cha.

How did you call your sonne my Lord ?

Count

Camillo Lord Chamount .

Cha. Then no more my Gasper ? but Camillo , Take notice of your father , gentlemen : Stand not amazd ? here is a tablet , With that inscription ? found about his necke That night , and in Vicenza by my father , ( Who being ignorant , what name he had ) Christned him Gasper , nor did I reueale , This secret till this hower to any man . Count .

O happy reuelation ? ô blest hower ? ô my Camillo .

Phoe.

O strange my brother .

Fran.

Maximilion ? behold how the aboundance of his ioy Drownds him in teares of gladnesse .

Count .

O my boy ? forgiue thy fathers late austerity :

Max.

My Lord ? I deliuered as much before , but your honour would not be perswaded , I will heareafter giue more obseruance to my visions ? I drempt of this .

Iaq. I can be still no longer , my good Lord , Do a poore man some grace mongst all your ioyes . Count .

Why what 's the matter Iaques .

Iaq. I am robd , I am vndone my Lord , robd and vndone : A heape of thirty thousand golden crownes , Stolne from me in one minute , and I feare : By her confedracy , that cals me father , But she 's none of mine , therefore sweet Lord : Let her be tortured to confesse the truth . Max.

More wonders yet .

Count .

How Iaques is not Rachel then thy daughter .

Iaq.

No , I disclaime in her , I spit at her ,

Machine-generated castlist A04638-onion 139 A04638-juniper 117 A04638-count 104 A04638-angelo 67 A04638-jaques 62 A04638-christophero 60 A04638-valentine 55 A04638-maximilian 52 A04638-paulo 36 A04638-pacue 35 A04638-finio 29 A04638-rachel 25 A04638-aurelia 25 A04638-chamont 23 A04638-camillo 20 A04638-antonio 17 A04638-sebastian 16 A04638-phoenixella 14 A04638-francisco 12 A04638-balthazar 11 A04638-nuntius 8 A04638-martino 6 A04638-boy 4 A04638-omnes 2 A04638-multiple 2 A04638-vincentio 1 A04638-balladino 1 A04638-maxmilian 1
Textual Notes

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anotable Rascal , a true dunce , marry he hath bene a notable vilaine in his time : he is in loue awench his time : he is in loue , sirrah , with a wench , & I haue preferd thee to him , thou � Pageant Poet to the City of Millaine sir , are you . aworse I supply the place sir : when a worse cannot be had sir . Valentiue What Valentine ? fellow Onion , take my dish I prithee ��� I all ; no ��� and he haue a nimble tong , if he practise ��� I all ; ��� marle and he haue a nimble tong , if he practise Chrristophero Enter Christophero . Rsceiue thee , As to my genius , or my other soule . Receiue hi gentle loue and what deffects , My absence Faiah Faith tell me Angelio how dost thou like her ? se� Nay then thy iudgement is to meene , I see: : Didst thou neare read in difference of hauuted poore slaue lookes , as though He had bene haunted by the spirit Lar , Or seene the ghost of Spoke me yet , I maruell , why these gallant youths Spoke me so faire , and I esteemd a beggar ? The wil� This wench will solicite for my selfe , Making my Lord and atrire Sister , these words become not your attire , Nor your estate : our vertuous mothers �n That tramples on al loue with such contempt in this faire breast . � faith my Lord , your honour may suspect it � but � Valeniine is the manner of it ( for gods loue ) good Valentine ? notrob'd Tis safe , tis safe , they haue not rob'd my treasure . feeme Let it not seeme offensiue to you sir . Vieenza the poore Marchants traffique vp ? First in Vicenza , lost I my first sonne ; Next here in Millaine � Cannot containe them . But this is my loue : I must make loue to Rachel , heauen hath ascuttle Enter Iaques with his gold and a scuttle full of horse-dung . ne�t horse-dung : Who will suppose that such a precious nest Is crownd with such a dunghill excrement Chamoun� bon : excellenta gull , he tak'a my Lord Chamount for Mounsieur Gaspra , & Mounsieur Gaspra mothelry A motherly conceite , ô blind excuse , Blinder then Oniou Enter Onion . Theshoulder The shoulder �f , and yet for her in a second person , or if not so yet in a third . ��lentine medle with her anon , in the meane time , Valentine is the man hath wrongd me . �est O preposterous , wel come be blith , the best iudge of the is somtimes dul , fellow Onion iud�� preposterous , wel come be blith , the best iudge of the is somtimes dul , fellow Onion pardon in pefections Onion pardon mine Iugle : he is a man , has imperfections and declinations , as other men haue , his paral�rase it should , no matter , Ile hammer our a paraphrase for thee my selfe . ��� No sweet Iuniper , no danger doth breed delay , loue makes me chollericke �cashire spend time in a vaine circumference , trade I cashire thee til to morrow , fellow Onion for thy fini�� til to morrow , fellow Onion for thy sake I finish this workiday . anapple-squire my heart , Ile be legitimate and silent as an apple-squire , Ile see nothing , and say � Gods lid ? Fnter Enter Maximilian , Count Ferneze , Aurelia , Phoenixella abuld heare no more , Neuer was man so palpably abusd , My sonne so basely marted ; and my selfe madamoy selle shall be hang for tella dis same , Metella madamoyselle , she tell her sadera . � Count , thou lyest in thy bosome , Count : a spiring bright speare ; And giue true light to my aspiring hopes , Hasten Chamounts returne man � making was an Angell cald me forth , Gold , gold , man-making gold , another starre , Drop they Christopher� Exit Christopher. . . po�t soule I guesse thy meaning by thy lookes , At pont Valerio thou thy loue shalt see , But not ��� hot Irons seare my trembling heart , And make it hisse , at your disloyalty . Wa� Was ��� your drift ? to vse Fernezes name ? ��� Wa� this your drift ? to vse Fernezes name ? {gap-unknown} � Stay noble sir ? a topriest peeuish , S'heart dishonor ? To haue you to a priest and marry you , And put you in a topriest peeuish , S'heart dishonor ? To haue you to a priest and marry you , And put you in an honorable sarisfied Come , be satisfied , sweet Lord you know our haste , Let vs withseruants Enter Camillo bound , with seruants Max imillian Dishonorable ? Maximilian ? It is dishonorable in Chamount , the day � Is not this pure ? minnte thousand golden crownes , Stolne from me in one minute , and I feare : By her confedracy , that
A00959 ---- The Bloody Brother (Rollo, Duke of Normandy) Fletcher, John; Massinger, Philip This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A00959 of text S102320 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 11065). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Melina Yeh Hannah Bredar This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A00959.xml The tragœdy of Rollo Duke of Normandy. Acted by His Majesties Servants. Written by John Fletcher Gent. Fletcher, John, 1579-1625. 38 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99838109 STC (2nd ed.) 11065. Greg, II, 565(b). Madan, I, p. 220. 2468 A00959

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 The tragœdy of Rollo Duke of Normandy. Acted by His Majesties Servants. Written by John Fletcher Gent. Bloody brother Bloody brother. Rollo Duke of Normandy. Fletcher, John, 1579-1625. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Massinger, Philip, 1583-1640. [2], 73, [1] p. Printed by Leonard Lichfield printer to the University, Oxford : Anno 1640. 1617

The attribution to Fletcher is not certain. Probably by him and Ben Jonson, revised by Philip Massinger.

Another version of "The bloody brother".

The title page is partly in the same setting as Fletcher's "Rule a wife and have a wife", 1640.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 A00959 shc The Bloody Brother (Rollo, Duke of Normandy) Fletcher, John; Massinger, Philip Melina Yeh Hannah Bredar 1617 play tragedy shc no A00959 S102320 (STC 11065). 24651 0 0 0 0000AThis text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

The Tragoedy of ROLLO DUKE of Normandy .

ACTED BY HIS Majesties Servants .

Written by JOHN FLETCHER Gent.

OXFORD , Printed by LEONARD LICHFIELD Printer to the Vniversity . ANNO 1640 .

The Names of the Actors . Sonnes to the deceased Duke of Normandy . Sonnes to the deceased Duke of Normandy . Kinsman to Rollo . Two Counsellors of State . Two Counsellors of State . Favorite to Rollo . Captaine of the Guard . His brother . Servants to Rollo . Servants to Rollo . Servants to Otto . Servants to Otto . Cittizens . Guard . Servants . Boyes . Cooke . Butler . Pantler . Yeoman of the Cellar . Cheaters . Cheaters . Cheaters . Cheaters . Cheaters . The old Dutchesse . Her daughter . Daughter to Baldwin .
THE TRAGOEDY OF ROLLO Duke of NORMANDY .
ACTUS 1. SCENA 1. Enter Gisbert and Baldwin . Baldw. THe brothers then are met ? Gisb. They are . Baldw. T is thought they may be reconcil'd . Gisb. T is rather wish'd . For such whose reason doe direct their thoughts Without selfe flattery , dare not hope it Baldwin , The fires of love which the dead Duke believed His equall care of both would have united , Ambition hath divided ; and there are Too many on both parts that know they cannot Or rise to wealth or honour , their maine ends , Vnlesse the tempest of the Princes fury Make troubled Seas , and those Seas yeeld fit Billowes To heave them up , and these are too well practis'd In their bad arts to give way to a calme , Which yeelding rest to good men proves their ruine . Bald. And in the shipwrack of their hopes and fortunes The Dukedome might be sav'd , had it but ten That stood affected to the generall good , With that confirm'd zeale which brave Aubrey does . Gisb. He is indeed the perfect character of a good man , And so his actions speak him . Bald. And did you observe the many doubts & cautions the brothers stood upon before they met ? Gisb. I did , and yet that ever brothers should Stand on more nice termes then sworne enemies After a war proclaimd would with a stranger , Wrong the reporters credit ; they saluted At distance , and so strong was the suspicion Each had of other , that before they durst Embrace , they were by severall servants searcht , As doubting conceal'd weapons ; antidotes Tane openly by both , fearing the roome Appointed for the enterview was poysoned ; The chaires and cushions with like care survai'd , And in a word , in every circumstance So jealous on both parts , that it is more Then to be fear'd , concord can never joyne Mindes so divided . Baldw. Yet our best endeavours Should not be wanting Gisbert . Gisb. Neither shall they , Enter Granpree and Verdon . But what are these ? Baldw. They are without my knowledge , But by their manners and behaviours They should expresse themselves .
SCENA 2. Gisbert , Baldwin , Granpree , Verdon . Gran. Since we serve Rollo The eldest Brother , wee l be Rollians , Who will maintaine us as brave as Romans You stand for him ? Verd. I doe . Gran. Why then observe , How much the businesse , the so long'd for businesse , By men that are nam'd from their swords concernes you : Lechery , our common friend , so long kept under With whips and beating fatall hemp shall rise ; And baudry in a French-hood shall plead before her Where it shall be concluded , after twelve Virginity shall be carted . Verd. Excellent ! Gran. And Hell but grant the quarrell that 's betweene The Princes may continue , and the businesse That 's of the sword , t' outlast three sutes in law . And we will make Atturneys lans prizadoes , And our brave Gown-men practisers of back-sword , The pewter of all Serjeants Maces shall be melted And turn'd into common Flaggons , In which it shall be lawfull to carrouse To their most lowsey fortunes . Baldw. Here 's a statesman ! Gran. A Creditor shall not dare but by petition To make demand of any debt , and that Only once every leap yeare , in which if The debtor may be won for a French Crown To pay a souse , he shall be registred His benefactor . Verd. The Chancellour heares you . Gran. Feare not , I now dare speak as lowd as he , And will be heard and have all that I speak law . Have you no eyes ? there 's a reverence due From children of the gowne to men of action . Gisb. How 's this ? Gran. Ev'n so , the times , the times are chang'd , All businesse is not now prefer'd in parchment , Nor shall a grant passe which wants this broad seale , This seale , doe you see ? your gravity once laid My head and heeles together in the dungeon For cracking a scald officers crowne , for which A time is come for vengeance and expect it , For know you have not full three houres to live . Gisb. Yes somewhat longer . Gran. To what end ? Gisb. To hang you , think on that Ruffion . Gran. For you Schoolemaster , you have a pretty daughter ; let me see , Neere three a clock , by which time I much feare I shall be tir'd with killing some five hundred , Provide a bath , and her to entertaine me . And that shall be your ransome . Baldw. Impudent raskall !
SCENA 3. Enter to them Trevile , and Duprete . Gisb. More of the crue . Gran. What are you Rollians ? Trevile . No : this for Rollo and all such as serve him : We stand for Otto . Gran. You seeme men of fashion , And therefore I le deale fairely , you shall have The honour this day to be chronicled The first men kill'd by Granpree ; you see this sword , A prettie foolish toy , my valours servant , And I may boldly say a Gentleman , It having made when it was Charlemaines Three thousand Knights ; this Sir shall cut your throat , And doe you all faire service else . Tre. I kisse your hands for the good offer , here 's another The servant of your servant , which shall be proud To be scowr'd in your sweet guts , till when , Pray you command me . Exeunt omnes praeter Gisbert & Baldwin . Gran. Your Idolater Sir . Gish. That ever such Should hold the names of men ! Or justice be held cruelty , when it labours To pluck such roots up . Baldw. Yet they are protected , and by the great ones . Gisb. Not the good ones Baldwin .
SCENA . 4. Aubrey , Gilbert , Baldwin . Aub, Is this a time to be spent thus by such That are the principall ministers of the State ? When they that are the heads have fill'd the Court With factions , a weake woman only left To stay their bloudy hands ? can her weake arme Alone divert the dangers ready now To fall upon the Common-wealth , and bury The honours of it , leaving not the name Of what it was ? O Gisbert the faire tryalls And frequent proofes which our late Maister made Both of your love and faith , gave him assurance To choose you at his death to be a Guardian , nay A Father of his Sonnes , and that great trust How ill doe you discharge ? I must be plaine That at the best y' are a sad looker on Of those bad practises you should prevent . And where 's the use of your Philosophy In this so needfull time ? be not secure , For Baldwin be assur'd since that the Princes When they were young and apt for any forme , Were given to your instruction and grave ordering , 'T will be expected that they should be good , Or their bad manners will be imputed yours . Bald. 'T was not in me my Lord to alter nature . Gisb. Nor can my Counsells work on thē that will not Vouchsafe me hearing . Aub. Doe these answers sort Or with your place or persons ? or your years ? Can Gisbert being the piller of the Lawes See them trod under foot , or forc't to serve The Princes unjust ends , and with a frowne Be silenc'd from exclaiming on the abuse , Or Baldwin only weepe the desperate madnesse Of his seduced Pupills ? See those minds Which with good arts he labour'd to build up , Examples of succeeding times oreturn'd By undermineing Parasites ; no one precept Leading to any act , or great or good But is forc'd from their memory , in whose roome Black Counsailes are receiv'd and their retirements And secret conference , produceing only Divelish designes , a man would shame to father . But I talke when I should doe , and chide others For that I now offend in .
SCENA 5. Rollo , Latorch , Trevile , Granpree , Otto , Verdon , Duprete , Gisbert , Baldwin , Aubrey . Gisb. See 't confirm'd : Now doe or never speak more , We are yours . Rollo : You shall know who I am . Otto : I doe , my equall . Rol. Thy Prince , give way , were we alone I de force thee In thy best bloud to write thy selfe my subject , And glad I would receive it . Aub. Sir . Gisb. Deare Lord . Otto . Thy subject ? Rol. Yes , nor shall tame patience hold mee A minute longer , only halfe my selfe , My birth gave me this Dukedome , and my sword Shall change it to the common grave of all That tread upon her bosome , ere I part with A peece of Earth , or title that is mine . Otto . I need it not , and would scorne to receive Though offer'd what I want not , therefore know From me though not deliver'd in great words , Eies red with rage , poore pride , and threatning action ; Our father at his death , then when no accent Wer 't then a sonne could fall from him in vaine , Made us co-heires , our part of land and honours Of equall waight , and to see this confirm'd The oath of these is yet upon record , Who though they should forsake me , and call downe The plagues of perjury on their sinfull heads , I would not leave my selfe . Treu. Nor will we see the will of the dead Duke infring'd . Lator. Nor I The elder rob'd of what 's his right . Granp. Nor you ? Let me take place I say I will not see it , My sword is sharpest . Aub. Peace you tinder-boxes , That only carry matter to make a flame , Which will consume you . Roll. You are troublesome , to Baldwin , This is no time for Arguments , my title Needs not your schoole defences , but my sword With which the Gordian of your Sophistry Being cut , shall shew the Imposture for your lawe . to Gis. It is in me to change them as I please , I being above them ( Gisbert ) Would you have me protect them ? Let them then now stretch their extreamest rigour , And seize upon that Traitor , and your tongue Make him appeare first dangerous and then odious , And after under the pretence of safety For the sick State , the Lands and Peoples quiet , Cut off his head , and I le give up my sword , And fight with them at a more certaine weapon To kill , aud with authority . Gisb. Sir I graunt , The Lawes are usefull weapons , but found out To assure innocence not to oppresse . Roll. Then you conclude him innocent ? Gisb. The power your father gave him , must not prove a crime . Aub. Nor should you so receive it . Bald. To which purpose , All that dare challenge any part in goodnesse Will become Suppliants to you . Roll. Such have none , That dare move mee in this , hence , I defy you Be of his party , bring it to your lawes , And thou thy double heart , thou popular foole : Your morrall rules of justice , and her ballance . I stand on my owne Guard . Otto . Which thy injustice Will make thy enimies ; by the memory Of him whose better part now suffers for thee , Whose reverend ashes with an impious hand , Thou throwst out to contempt , in thy repineing At his so just decree ; thou art unworthy Of what his last will , not thy merit gave thee , That art so swolne within , with all those mischiefes That ere made up a Tyrant , that thy brest The prison of thy purposes , cannot hold them But that they break forth , and in thy owne words Discover , what a monster they must serve , That shall acknowledge thee . Rol. Thou shalt not live Offers his sword at Otto , the faction joyneing Aubrey between severs the Brothers . To be so happy . Aub. Nor your misery Begin in murder ; duty , allegeance , And all respect of what you are forsake mee . Doe you stare on s ? is this a theater ? Or shall these kill themselves , like to manfencers , To make you sport ? keepe them asunder , or By Heaven I le charge on all . Gran. Keepe the peace , I am for you my Lord , and if you 'l have mee I le act the Constables part . Aub. Live I to see this ! Will you doe that your Enimies dare not wish , And cherish in your selves those furies which Hell would cast out ? doe , I am ready , kill me , And these that would fall willing sacrifices To any power that would restore your reason And make you men againe , which now you are not . Rol. These are your bucklers boy , Otto . My hinderances , And were I not confirm'd , my justice in The taking of thy life , could not waigh downe The wrong , in shedding the least drop of blood Of these , whose goodnesse only now protects thee . Thou should'st feele , I in act would prove my selfe What thou in words dost labour to appeare . Rol. Heare this and talke againe , I le break through all But I will reach thy heart . Otto . T is better guarded .
SCaeNA . 6. Sophia , Rollo , Otto and the rest . Soph. Make way or I will force it , who are these My sonnes , my shames ; turne all your swords on mee , And make this wretched body but one wound , So this unnaturall quarrell finde a grave In the unhappy wombe that brought you forth . Dare you remember that you had a Mother , Or looke on these gray haires , made so with teares For both your goods , and not with age , and yet Stand doubtfull to obay hers ? from me you had Life , nerves and faculties to use those weapons , And dare you raise them against her , to whome You owe the meanes of being what you are ? Otto . All peace is meant to you . Soph. Why is this warre then ? As if your armes could be advanc'd , and I Not set upon the wracks , your blood is mine Your danger 's mine , your goodnesse I should share in , And must be branded with those impious markes You stamp on your owne foreheads , and on mine If you goe on thus : for my good name therefore Though all respects of honour in your selves Are in your fury choakt , throw downe your swords . Your duty should be swifter then my tongue , And joyne your hands while they are innocent , You have heat of blood and youth apt to ambition To plead an easy pardon for what 's past ; But all the ills beyond this houre committed , From Gods or men must hope for no excuse . Gisb. Can you heare this unmov'd ? Aub. No Syllable Of this so pious charme , but should have power To frustrate all the juggling deceipts With which the Divell blindes you . Otto . I begin to melt , I know not how . Rol. Mother , I le leave you , And Sir , be thankfull for the time you live Till wee meet next , ( which shall be soone and suddaine ) To her perswasion for you Soph. O yet stay , And rather then part thus , vouchsafe me hearing As enimies , how is my soule divided ! My love to both is equall as my wishes , But are return'd by neither , my griev'd heart Hold yet a litle longer , and then break : I kneele to both , and will speak so , but this Takes the authority of a Mothers power , And therefore like my selfe , Otto to thee , And yet observe sonne , how thy Mothers teares Out strip her forward words to make way for 'em , Thou art the younger Otto , yet be now The first example of obedience to me , And grow the elder in my love . Otto . The meanes to be so happy ? Soph. This , yeeld up thy sword , And let thy pietie give thy mother strength To take that from thee , which no enimies force Could ere dispoile thee of why dost thou tremble ? And with a fearefull eye fixt on thy brother , Observ'st his ready sword as bent against thee ? I am thy armour and will be pierc't through Ten thousand times before I will give way To any perill may arrive at thee , And therefore feare not . Otto . T is not for my selfe But for you Mother ; you are now engag'd In more then lies in your unquestion'd vertue . For since you have disarm'd me of defence , Should I fall now , though by his hand , the world May say it was your practise . Soph. All worlds perish Before my pietie turnes treasons parent . Take it againe , and stand upon your guard , And while your brother is , continue arm'd . And yet this feare is needlesse , for I knowe My Rollo , though he dares as much as man , So tender of his yet untainted valour , So noble , that he dares doe nothing basely . You doubt him , he feares you , I doubt and feare Both , for others safety not my owne . Know yet my sonnes when of necessity You must deceive or be deceiv'd , 't is better To suffer treason then to act the traytor ; And in a war like this , in which the glory Is his that 's overcome . consider then What t is for which you strive , is it the Dukedome , Or the command of these so ready subjects ? Desire of wealth , or whatsoere else Fires your ambition ? 't is still desperate madnesse , To kill the people which you would be Lords of , With fire and sword to lay that countrey wast , Whose rule you seek for , to consume the treasures Which are the sinewes of your government , In cherishing the factions that destroy it . Far , far be this from you , make it not question'd , Whither you can have interest in that Dukedome , Whose ruine both contend for . Otto . I desire But to enjoy my owne which I will keep . Rollo . And rather then posteritie shall have cause To say I ruin'd all , divide the Dukedome , I will accept the moietie . Otto . I embrace it . Soph. Divide me first or teare me limb by limb , And let them , find as many severall graves As there are Villages in Normandy , And 't is lesse sinne , then so to weaken it . To heare it mention'd doth already make me Envy my dead Lord , and almost blaspheme Those powers which heard my prayers for fruitfulnesse , And did not with my first birth close my wombe . To me alone , my second blessing proves my first , My first of misery , for if heaven That gave me Rollo , there had staid his bounty , And Otto my deere Otto nere had been , Or being , had not been so worth my love , The streame of my affection had run constant In one faire current , all my hopes had been Laid up in one , and fruitfull Normandy In this division had not lost her glories . For as 't is now 't is a faire dyamond Which being preserv'd intire exceeds all value , But cut in peeces , ( though these peeces are Set in fine gold by the best workmans cunning ) Parts with all estimation : so this Dukedome As t is yet whole , the neighbouring Kings may covet But cannot compasse , which divided will Become the spoile of every barbarous foe That will invade it . Gisb. How this workes in both ! Baldw. Prince Rolloes eyes have lost their fire . Gisb. And anger , that but ev'n now wholly possessed Good Otto , hath given place to pitty . Aub. End not thus Madam , But perfect what 's so well begun . Soph. I see in both faire signes of reconcilement Make them sure proofes they are so : the fates offer To your free choice , either to live examples Of piety or wickednesse , if the latter Blinds so your understanding that you cannot Pierce through her painted outside , and discover That she is all deformitie within , Boldly transcend all presidents of mischiefe , And let the last and the worst act of tyrannies , The murther of a Mother but begin The Scene of bloud ; you after are to heighten ; But if that vertue and her sure rewards Can win you to accept her for your guide , To lead you up to heaven and there fix you The fairest starre in the bright sphere of honour , Make me the parent of a hundred sonnes All brought into the world with joy not sorrow , And every one a Father to his countrey In being now made mother of your concord . Rollo . Such and so good loud fame for ever speak you . Bald. I , now they meet like brothers . The brothers throw down their swords and embrace . Gisb. My hearts joy Flowes through my eyes . Aub. May never womans tongue Hereafter be accus'd , for this ones goodnesse . Otto . If we contend , from this houre it shall be How to orecome in brotherly affection . Rollo . Otto is Rollo now , and Rollo Otto , Or as they have one minde , rather one name , From this attonement let our lives begin , Be all the rest forgotten . Aub. Spoke like Rollo . Soph. And to the honour of this reconcilement We all this night will at a publique feast With choice wines drowne our late feares , And with Musick welcome our comforts . Baldw. Sure and certaine ones . Soph. Supported thus I am secure o sonnes , This is your Mothers triumph . Exeunt omnes praet . Granpre , Verdon , Trevile , Duprete Rollo . You deserve it . Gran. Did ever such a hop'd for businesse end thus ? Verd. T is fatall to us all , and yet you Granpree Have the least cause to feare , Gran. Why , what 's my hope ? Verd. The certainty that you have to be hang'd ; You know the Chancellours promise . Gran. Plague upon you . Verd. What think you of a bath , and a Lords daughter To entertaine you ? Gran. Those desires are of fraile thoughts : All friends , no Rollions now , nor Ottoes , The severall curtesies of our swords and servants Deferr till apter consequence : let 's make use Of this nights freedome , a short Parliament to us , In which it will be lawfull to walk freely , Nay to our drink we shall have meat too , and that 's No usuall businesse to the men 'o th sword . Drink deep with me tonight , we shall to morrow Or whip or hang the merrier . Trev. Lead the way then . Exeunt . Enter Latorch and Rollo . Lator. Why should this trouble you ? Rollo . It does and must doe , Till I finde ease . Lator. Consider then and quickly , And like a wise man take the current with you Which once turn'd head will sink you . Blest occasion offers it selfe in thousand safeties to you , Time standing still to point you out your purpose , And resolution ( the true child of vertue ) Ready to execute : what dull cold weaknesse Has crept into your bosome , whose meere thoughts Like tempests ploughing up the soyling Forrests Ev'n with their swing were wont to shake down hazards . What i st your mothers teares ? Rollo . Prethee be patient . Lator. Her hands held up , her prayers , or her curses ? O Power of prayer dropt through by a woman . Take heed the Souldiers see it not , 't is miserable In Rollo , below miserable , take heed your friends The sinewes of your cause , the strength you stir by , Take heed I say , they finde it not ; take heed Your own repentance ( like a passing bell ) Too late and too lowd tell the world you are perish'd . What noble spirit eager of advancement , Whose imployment is his plough , what sword whose sharpnesse Waits but the arme to weild it , or what hope After the world has blowne abroad this weaknesse Will move againe , or make a wish for Rollo ? Rollo . Are we not friends againe , by each oath ratified Our tongues the Heralds of our hearts ? Lat. Poore hearts then . Rollo . Our worthier friends . Lat. No friends Sir to your honour , Friends to your fall , where is your understanding The noble vessell that your full soule sail'd in , Rib'd round with honours , where is that ? t is ruin'd , The tempest of a womans sighes hath sunk it . Friendship , take heed Sir , is a smiling harlot That when she kisses , kisses a soder'd friendship Peec'd out with promises ; ô painted ruine ! Rollo Latorch , he is my brother . Lat. The more doubted , For hatred hatch'd at home is a tame Tiger , May fawne and sport , but never leave his nature . The jarres of brothers , two such mighty ones , Are like a small stone throwne into a river , The breath scarce heard , but view the beaten current And you shall see a thousand angry rings Rise in his face , still swelling and still growing ; So jarres circling in distrusts , distrusts pull down dangers , And dangers death , the greatest extreame shadow Till nothing bound them but the Showers , their graves . There is no manly wisdome nor no safety In leaning to this league , this peece patcht friendship , This rear'd up reconcilement on a billow Which as he tumbles totters down your fortune . I st not your own you reach at ? law and nature Vshring the way before you , is not he borne and Bequeath'd your subject ? Rollo . Ha ? Lat. What foole would give a storme leave to disturb him When he may shut the casement ? can that man Has woon so much upon you by your pitty , And drawne so high , that like an ominous Comet He darkens all your light , can this couch'd Lyon ( Though now he licks and locks up his fell pawes Craftily humming like a Cat to cozen you ) But ambition whets him and time fits him , Leap to his prey , and seiz'd once , suck your heart out ? Doe you make it conscience ? Rollo . Conscience Latorch ? what 's that ? Lat. A teare they tye up fooles in : natures coward , Tasting the bloud and chilling the full spirits With apprehension of meere cloudes and shadowes . Rollo . I know no conscience , nor I feare no shadowes . Lat. Or if you did , if there were conscience , If the free soule could suffer The fiery minde , such puddle to put it out , Must it needs like a rank vine run up rudely , And twine about the top of all our happinesse Honour and rule , and there sit shaking of us ? Rollo . It shall not nor it must not : I am satisfied , And once more am my selfe againe . My mothers teares and womanish cold prayers Farewell , I have forgot yee . If there be conscience , Let it not come betwixt a Crowne and me , Which is my hope of blisse , and I believe it Otto , our friendship thus I blowe to ayre A bubble for a boy to play withall , And all the vowes my weaknesse made like this , Like this poore heartlesse rush , I rend a peeces . Lat. Now you goe right Sir , now your eyes are open . Rollo . My Fathers last petition 's dead , as he is , And all the promises I clos'd his eyes with , In the same grave I bury . Lat. Now you are a man Sir . Rollo , Otto thou shewst my winding sheet before me , Which ere I put it on , like heavens blest fire In my descent I le make it blush in bloud . A crowne , a crowne , ô sacred rule now fire me , Nor shall the pitty of thy youth false brother , Although a thousand Virgins kneele before me , And every dropping eye a Court of mercy , The same bloud with me , nor the reverence Due to my Mothers blessed wombe , that bred us Redeem thee from my doubts : thou art a woolfe here Fed with my feares , and I must cut thee from me , A crowne , a crowne , ô sacred rule now fire me , No safety else . Lat , But be not too much stirr'd Sir , Nor too high in your execution ; swallowing waters Run deep and silent till they are satisfied , And smile in thousand curles , to guild their craft , Let your sword sleep , and let my two-edg'd wit work . This happy feast , the full joy of your friendship shall be his last . Rollo . How my Latorch ? Lan. Why thus Sir . I le presently goe dive into the Officers That minister at Table , gold and goodnesse With promise upon promise , and time necessary I le poure into 'em . Rollo . Canst thou doe it neatly ? Lat. Let me alone and such a bait it shall be Shall take off all suspition . Rollo . Goe and prosper . Lat. Walk in then and your smoothest face put on Sir . Exeunt .
SCOENA 2 , Enter the Mr Cook , Butler , Pantler , Yeoman of the Cellar , with a Iack of beere and a dish . Cooke . A hot day , a hot day , vengeance hot boyes , Give me some drink ; this fire 's a plaguy fretter . Body a me I am dry still , give me the Iack boy , This wooden skiffe holds nothing . Pant. And faith master , What brave new meats , for here will be old eating ? Cook . Old and young boy , let em all eat , I have it , I have ballasse for their bellies , if they eat , a Gods name Let em have ten tire of teeth a peece , I care not . Butl. But what new rare munition ? Cook . Peuh a thousand , I le make yee Pigs speak French at table , and a fat Swan Come sculing out of England with a challenge . I le make yee a dish of Calves feet dance the Canaries , And a consort of cram'd Capons fiddle to em . A Calves head speak an Oracle , and a dozen of Larkes Rise from the dish , and sing all supper time ; T is nothing boyes , I have fram'd a fortification , Out of Rye past , which is impregnable , And against that for two long houres together , Two dozen of maribones shall play continually . For Fish I le make ye a standing lake of White-broth , And Pikes come ploughing up the plumbes before 'em Arion on a Dolphin playing Lachrimae , And brave King Herring with his oyle and onyon Crownd with a leomon pill , his way prepar'd with his strong guard of pilchers . Pant I marry maister . Cook . All these are nothing , I le make ye a stubble goose Turne o th toe thrice , doe a crosse point presently And then sit downe againe , and cry , come eate mee . These are for mirth , now Sir , for matter of mourning I le bring ye in the lady loyne of Veale With the long love she bore the Prince of Orenge . Omn. Thou boy , thou ! Cook . I have a trick for thee too , And a rare trick , and I have done it for thee . Yeo. Sel. What 's that good master ? Cook . T is a sacrifice , a full vine bending like an Arch , And under the blowne god Bacchus sitting on a hogs-head his altar heere , before that a plump Vintner , Kneeling and offering incense to his Deity , Which shall be only this , red spratts and pilchers . But. This when the Tables drawne , to draw the wine in . Cook . Thou hast it right , And then comes thy Song butler . Pant. This will be admirable . Yeo. Sel. O Sir , most admirable . Cook . If you 'l have the paste speak , 't is in my power I have fire enough to worke it , come stand close , And now rehearse the Song it may be perfect , The drinking song , and say I were the Brothers . The Song . Drinke to day and drowne all sorrow , You shall perhaps not doe it to morrow . Best while you have it use your breath , There is no drinking after death . Wine works the heart up , wakes the wit , There is no cure gainst age but it . It helps the head-ach , cough and tissick , And is for all diseases Physick . Then let us swill boyes for our health , Who drinkes well loves the common wealth . And he that will to bed goe sober , Falls with the leafe still in October . Finis . Well have you borne your selves , a red-deere pye boies , And that no leane one , I bequeath your vertues . What friends hast thou to day , no Cittizens ? Pant. Yes father the old Crew . Cook . By the Masse true , wenches Sirrha , set by a choine of beefe and a hot pastie And let the jole of Sturgion be corrected , And doe you marke sir , stalke me to a Pheasant And see and yee can shoote her into the Seller . Pant. Godamercy dad , Send me thy roaring bottles , And with such Nectar I will see 'em fill'd , That all thou speak'st shall be pure Helicon . Mounsieur Latorch , what newes within ? Enter Lator . Lator. Save ye , Save ye maister , save ye Gentlemen , You are casting for this preparation , This joyfull supper for the royall brothers : I 'me glad I have met yee fitly , for to your charge My bountifull brave Butler , I must deliver A beavy of young lasses , that must looke on This daies solemnity , and see the two Dukes Or I shall loose my credit , you have stowage . Butl. For such freight I le finde roome , & be your servāt . Cook . Bring 'em , they shall not starve here , I le send 'em victualls Shall worke you a good turne , though it be ten daies hence sir . Lator. Godamercy noble maister . Cook . Nay I le doe 't . Yeo. Sel. And Wine they shall not want , let 'em drink like ducks . Lator. What misery it is that mindes so royall , And such most honest bounties as yours are , Sould be confin'd thus to uncertainties ? Butl. I , were the State once setled , then we had places . Yeo. sel. Then we could shew our selves and helpe our friends sir . Cook . I then there were some savour in 't , where now We live betweene two stooles , every hower ready To tumble on our Noses , and for ought we know yet For all this supper , ready to fast the next day . Lator. I would faine speake to you out of pitty , Out of the love I beare you , out of honesty , For your own goods , nay for the generall blessing . Cook And we would as fain hear you , pray goe forward . Lator. Dare yee but think to make your selves up certainties , Your places and your credits ten times doubled The Princes favour Rolloes ? Butl. A sweet gentleman . Yeo. sel. I , and as bounteous if he had his right too . Cook . By th' masse a royall gentleman indeed boies , Hee 'l make the Chimnies smoake . Lator. He would doe friends , And you too , if he had his right , true Courtiers , What could ye want then ? dare yee ? — Cook . Pray be short sir . Lator. And this my soule upon 't , I dare assure you If you but dare your parts . Cook . Dare not me Monsieur , For I that feare neither fire nor water sir , Dare doe enough a man would think . Yeo. sel. Beleeve 't sir , But make this good upon us you have promis'd , You shall not finde us flinchers . Lator. Then I le be suddaine . Pant. What may this meane , and whether would he drive us ? Lator. And first for what you must doe , because all dāger Shall be apparently ti'de up and muffel'd , The matter seeming mighty , there 's your pardons . Pant. Pardons ? is 't come to that ? good god defend us . Lator. And here 's five hūdred crowns in bounteous earnest . And now behold the matter . Lator . gives each a paper . Butl. What are these Sir ? Yeo. sell. And of what nature ? to what use ? Lator. Imagine . Cook . Will they kill rats ? they eat my pies abhominably , Or worke upon a woman , cold as Christmasse ? I have an old jade sticks upon my fingers . May I tast 'em ? Lator. Is your will made ? And have you said your prayers ? for they 'l pay ye , And now to come to you for your knowledge , And for the good you never shall repent yee , If ye be wisemen now . Cook . Wise as you will sir , Lator. These must be put then into the severall meats Young Otto loves , by you into his wine sir , Into his bread by you , by you into his linnen . Now if you desire , ye have found the meanes To make yee , and if ye dare not ye have Found your ruine , resolve me ere you goe . Butl. You 'l keep faith with us ? Lator. May I no more see light else . Cook . Why 't is done then . Butl. T is done . Pant. T is done which shall be undone . Lator. About it then , farewell , ye are all of one mind ? Cook . All . Omn. All , all . Lator. Why then , all happy . Exit . But. What did we promise him ? Yeo. sel. Doe you aske that now ? Butl. I would be glad to know what 't is . Pant. I le tell yee , It is to be all villaines knaves and traitors . Cook . Fine wholsome titles , But. But if we dare goe forward . Cook . We may be hang'd drawd & quartred . Pant. Very true Sir Cook . What a goodly swinge shall I give the gallowes , yet I thinke too , This may be done , and we may be rewarded Not with a rope , but with a Royall master , And yet we may be hang'd too . Yeo. sel. Say 't were done , Who is it done for ? is it not for Rollo and for his right ? Cook . And yet we may be hang'd too . Butl. Or say he take it , say we be discover'd . Yeo. sel. Is not the same man bound still to protect us ? Are we not his ? Butl. Sure he will never faile us . Cook . If he doe friends , we shall finde that will hold us , And yet me thinks this prologue to our purpose , These Crownes should promise more . T is easly done , As easy as a man would rost an egge , If that be all ; for look ye gentlemen Here stands my broths : my finger slipps a litle , Downe drops a dose , I stirre him with my ladle , And there 's a dish for a Duke : Olla podrilla : Here stands a bak't meate , he wants a litle seasning A foolish mistake , my spice boxe gentlemen . And put in some of this , the matters ended : Dredge ye a dish of Plovers , there 's the art on 't , Or in a galingale a little does it . Yeo. sel. Or as I fill my wine . Cook . T is very true Sir Blessing it with your hand , thus , quick and neatly first , T is past . Yeo. sel. And done once t is as easy For him to thank us for it , and reward us . Pant. But 't is a damned sinne . Cook . I never feare that , The fire 's my playfellow , and now I am resolv'd boyes . But. Why then have with yee . Yeo. sel. The same for mee . Pant. For me too . Cook . And now no more our worships , but our Lordships . Pā. Not this yeare o' my knowledge , I le un-lord ye . Exeūt .
SCENA 3. Enter Servant aud Shewer . Ser. Perfume the roome round : and prepare the table : Gentlemen officers waite in your places . Shewer . Make roome there , Roome for the Dukes meate , Gentlemen be bare there , Cleere all the entrance , Guard put by those papers , And Gentlemen Vshers see the Gallery cleere The Dukes are coming on . Ho boyes and banquet . Enter Sophia between Rollo and Otto , Aubrey , Latorch , Gisbert , Baldwin , attendants Hamon , Matilda . Serv. T is certainly inform'd . Otto . Reward the fellow , And looke you mainely to it . Ser. My life for you Sir . Soph. Now am I straight my Lords , and young againe , My long since blasted hopes shoote out in blossomes , The fruits of everlasting love appearing . O my blest boyes , the honour of my yeares , Of all my cares the bounteous faire rewarders ! O let me thus embrace you , thus for ever Within a mothers love lock up your friendships , And my sweet sonnes , once more with mutuall twineings , As one chast bed begot you , make one body : Blessings from heaven in thousand showers fall on yee . Aub. O womans goodnesse never to be equall'd , May the most sinfull creatures of thy Sex , But kneeling at thy Monument , rise Saints . Soph. Sit downe my worthy sonnes , my Lords your places . I , now me thinks the Table 's nobly furnish't , Now the meat nourishes , the wine gives Spirit , And all the roome stuck with a generall pleasure , Shewes like the peacefull bower of happinesse . Aub. Long may it last , and from a heart fill'd with it Full as my cup , I give it round my Lords . Bald. And may that stubborne heart be drunk with sorrow Refuses it , men dying now should take it , And by the vertue of this Ceremony Shake off their miseries and sleepe in peace , Roll. You are sad my noble brother . Otto . no indeed Sir . Soph. No sadnesse my sweet sonne this day . Roll. Pray ye eate , Something is here you have lov'd , tast of this dish , It will prepare your Stomack . Otto . Thank you brother , I am not now dispos'd to eate . Roll. Or that , You put us out of heart man , come these bak'd meats Were ever your best dyet . Otto . None I thanke you . Soph. Are you well noble Child ? Otto . Yes gratious mother . Roll. Give him a cup of wine then , pledge the health , Drinke it to me I le give it to my mother . Soph. Doe my best child . Otto . I must not my best mother , Indeed I dare not , for of late my body Has been much weakned , by excesse of dyet . The promise of a feaver hanging on mee , And even now ready , if not by abstinence . Roll. Excuse your selfe sir , Come t is your feare , & not your feaver brother , And you have done me a most worthy kindnesse . My Royall mother , and my noble Lords , Heare , for it now concernes me to speak boldly , What faith can be expected from such vowes , From his dissembling smiles , what fruit of friendship , From all his full embraces , what blest issue , When he shall brand me here with base suspition ? He takes me for a poysoner . Soph. Gods defend it sonne . Roll. For a foule knave , a villaine , and so feares mee Otto . I could say something too . Soph. You must not so sir , Without your great forgetfulnesse of virtue . This is your brother and your honour'd brother , Indeed your loving brother . Roll. If he please so . Soph. One noble Father with as noble thoughts , Begot your minds and bodies , one care rockt you , And one truth to you both was ever sacred ; Now fye my Otto , whether flyes your goodnesse ? Because the right hand has the power of cutting , Shall the left presently cry out , hee 's maymde ? They are one my childe , one power and one performance , And joyn'd together thus one love , one body . Aub. I doe beseech your Grace , take to your thoughts , More certaine Counsailors then doubts and feares , They strangle nature , and disperse themselves If once beleev'd , into such foggs and errors , That the bright truth her selfe can never sever . Your brother is a Royall gentleman , Full of him selfe honour and honesty , And take heed Sir , how nature bent to goodnesse , ( So straight a Cedar to himselfe ) uprightnesse Be wrested from his true use , prove not dangerous . Roll. Nay my good brother knowes I am to patient . Lator. Why should your grace think him a poysoner ? Has he no more respect to piety , And but he has by oath tyde up his fury , Who durst but think that thought ? Aub. Away thou firebrand . Lator. If men of his sort , of his power and place , The eldest sonne in honour to this Dukedome . — Bald. For shame cōtain thy tongue , thy poysonous tongue , That with her burning Venome will infect all , And once more blow a wildfire through the Dukedome . Gisb. Latorch , if thou bee'st honest or a man , Containe thy selfe . Aub. Goe to , no more , by heaven You 'l finde you have plaid the foole else , Not a word more . Soph. Prethee sweet sonne . Roll. Let him alone sweet mother , and my Lords To make you understand how much I honour This sacred peace , and next my innocence , And to avoid all future difference Discourse may draw on , to a way of danger , I quit my place , and take my leave for this night , Wishing a generall joy may dwell among yee . Aub. Shall we waite upon your Grace ? Rol. I dare not break yee , La Torch . Exit Roll. & Lator . Soph. Doe you now perceive your brothers sweetnesse ? Otto . O mother that your tendernesse had eyes , Discerning eyes , what would this man appeare then ? The tale of Synon when he took upon him To ruine Troy , with what a cloud of cunning He hid his heart ? nothing appearing outwards But came like innocence and dropping pitty , Sighes that would sinke a Navy , and had tales Able to take the eares of Saints beliefe too , and what did all these ? blew the fire to Ilion . My brother has put on , oh I could tell yee But for the reverence I beare to nature , Things that would make your honest bloud move backward Soph. Yee dare tell me . Otto . Yes in your private closet , Where I will presently attend you , rise I am a litle troubled but t will off . Soph. Is this the joy I lookt for ? Otto . All will mend . Be not disturb'd deere mother : I le not faile you . Exit Sophia , & Otto . Baldw. I doe not like this . Aub. That 's still in our powers , But how to make it so that we may like it — Bald. Beyond us ever . Latorch me thought was busie , That fellow , if not lookt to narrowly , will doe a suddain mischiefe . Aub. Hell look to him , For if there may be a divell above all yet , That rogue will make him . Keep your selfe up this night . And so will I , for much I feare a danger . Bald. I will , and in my watches use my praiers . Exeunt .
ACTUS 3. SCENA 1. A Stoole set out . Enter Sophia , Otto , Matilda , Edith . Otto . You wonder ( Madam ) that for all the shewes My brother Rollo makes of hearty love , And free possession of the Dukedome twixt us , I notwithstanding should stand still suspicious ; As if beneath those vailes , he did convey Intents and practises of hate and treason . Soph. It breeds indeed my wonder . Otto . Which makes mine , Since t is so safe and broad a beaten way Beneath the name of friendship to betray . Soph. Though in remote and further off affection These falshoods are so common , yet in him They cannot so force nature . Otto . The more neere the bonds of truth binde , The more oft they sever , Being better cloakes to falshood ever . Soph. It cannot be that fruits ( the tree so blasting ) Can grow in nature , take heed ( gentle sonne ) Lest some suborn'd suggester of these treasons Beleev'd in him by you , provok'd , the rather His tender envies to such fowle attempts . Or that your too much love to rule alone Bred not of him this jealous passion , There is not any ill we might not beare Were not our good held at a price too deere . Otto . So apt is treachery to be excus'd That innocence is still aloud abus'd , The fate of vertue ev'n her friends perverts To plead for vice oftimes against their hearts ; Heavens blessing is her curse , which she must beare , That she may never love . Soph. Alas ( my sonne ) nor fate nor heaven it selfe Can or would wrest my whole care of your good To any least securenesse in your ill . What I urge issues from my curious feare , Lest you should make your meanes to scape your snare , Doubt of sincerenesse is the only meane , Not to incense it but corrupt it cleane . Otto . I rest as far from wrong of all syncerenesse , As he flies from the practise , trust me ( Madam ) I know by their confessions he suborn'd , What I should eat , drink , touch , or only have sented This evening feast was poyson'd , but I feare , His open violence more than trecherous odds In his insatiate thirst of rule Is like to execute . Soph. Beleeve it sonne , If still his stomack be so foule , to feed On such grosse objects , and that thirst to rule The state alone , be yet unquencht in him , Poysons and such close treasons ask more time Then can suffice his fiery spirits hast , And were there in him such desire to hide So false a practise , there would likewise rest Conscience and feare in him of open force , And therefore close nor open you need feare . Mat. Good Madame stand not so inclin'd to trust , What proves his tendrest thoughts to doubt it just ; Who knowes not the unbounded flood and sea , In which my brother Rollo's appetites Alter and rage with every puffe of breath ? His swelling bloud exhales , and therefore heare What gives my temperate brother cause To use his circumspection , and consult , For remedy gainst all his wicked purposes ; If he arme , arme , if he strow mines of treason Meet him with countermines , 't is justice still ( For goodnesse sake ) to encounter ill for ill . Soph. Avert from us such justice ( equall heaven ) And all such cause of justice . Otto . Past all doubt , ( For all the sacred priviledge of night ) This is no time for us to sleep or rest in , Who knowes not all things holy are prevented With ends of all impiety ? all but Lust , gaine , ambition . Enter Rollo arm'd and Latorch . Rollo , Perish all the world Ere I but loose one foot of possible Empire By sleights and colour us'd by slaves and wretches , I am exempt by birth from both those curbes , And sit above them in all justice ; since I sit above in power , where power is given , Is all the right suppos'd of earth and heaven . Lat. Prove both Sir , see the Traitour . Otto . He comes arm'd . See mother now your confidence . Soph. What rage Affects this monster ? Rollo . Give me way or perish . Soph. Make thy way Viper if thou thus affect it . Otto . This is a Treason like thee . Rollo . Let her goe . Soph. Embrace me , weare me as thy sheild my sonne , And through my brest let his rude weapon run To thy lives innocence . Otto . Play not two parts , Treacher and coward both , but yeeld a sword , And let thy arming thee be odds enough Against my naked bosome . Rollo . Loose his hold . Mat. Forbeare base murtherer . Rollo . Forsake our Mother . Soph. Mother , do it thou name me , And put off nature thus ? Rollo . Forsake her traitour , Or by the spoile of nature through hers This leads unto thy heart . Otto . Hold . Soph. Hold me still . Otto . For twenty hearts and lives I will not hazard One drop of bloud in yours . Soph. O thou art lost then . Ot. Protect my innocence heaven . Soph. Call out murder . Mat. Be murdred all , but save him . Edith . Murder , murder . Rollo . Cannot I reach you yet ? Otto . No fiend . Rollo . Latorch Rescue , I am downe . Lat. Vp then , your sword cooles Sir , Ply it i' th flame and work your ends out . Rollo . Ha , Have at you there Sir . Ent. Aub. Aub. Author of prodigies , What sights are these ! Otto . O give me a weapon Aubrey . Soph. O part em , part 'em . Aub. For heavens sake no more . Otto . No more , resist his fury no rage can Adde to his mischiefe done . Dies . Soph. Take spirit my Otto , Heaven will not see thee dye thus . Mat. He is dead , And nothing lives but death of every goodnesse . Soph. O he hath slain his brother , curse him heaven . Rollo . Curse and be curst , it is the fruit of cursing . Latorch , take off here ; bring too of that bloud To bloudy ore my shirt , then raise the Court , And give it out how he attempted us In our bed naked ; shall the name of brother Forbid us to enlarge our state or powers ? Or place affects of bloud above our reason , That tells us all things good against another , Are good 'i th same line against a brother . Exit . Gisb. What affaires informe these outcries ? Enter Gisb. Baldwin , Aub. See and grieve . Gisb. Prince Otto slaine ! Bald. O execrable slaughter ! What hand hath author'd it ? Aub. Your Schollers , Baldwin . Baldw. Vnjustly urg'd Lord Aubrey , as if I For being his schoolemaster must teach this doctrine . You are his Counsellour did you advise him To this foule parricide ? Gisb. If rule affect this license , who would live To worse then dye , in force of his obedience ? Bald. Heavens cold and lingring spirit to punish sinne , And humane bloud so fiery to commit it ? One so outgoes the other it will never Be turn'd to fit obedience . Aub. Burst it then With his full swing given , where it brooks no ground , Complaints of it are vaine , and all that rests To be our refuge ( since our powers are strengthlesse ) Is to conforme our wills to suffer freely What with our murmures we can never master . Ladies be pleas'd with what heavens pleasure suffers , Erect your Princely countenances and spirits , And to redresse the mischiefe now resistlesse , Sooth it in shew , rather then curse or crosse it , Wish all amends and vow to it your best , But till you may performe it let it rest . Gisb. Those temporizings are both dull and servile To breath the free ayre of a manly soule Which shall in me expire in execrations Before for any life I sooth a murderer . Bald. Power lives before him till his own be drye Of all lives services and humane comforts , None left that looks at heaven's left halfe so base To doe these black and hellish actions grace . Enter Rollo , Latorch , Hamond , and Guard . Rollo . Hast Latorch , And raise the City as the Court is rais'd , Complaining the abhorr'd conspiracy In plot against my life . Lat. I shall my Lord . Exit . Rollo . You there that mourne upon the justly slayne Rise and leave it if you love your lives , And heare from me , what ( kept by you ) may save you . Mat. What will the Butcher doe ? I will not stir . Rollo . Stir , and unforc't stir , or stir never more . Command her you ( grave Beldam ) that know better My deadly resolutions , since I drew them From the infective fountaine of your own , Or if you have forgot , this fiery prompter Shall fix the fresh impression in your heart . Soph. Rise daughter serve his will in what we may , Lest what we may not he enforce the rather . Is this all you command us ? Rollo . This addition Only admitted , that when I endeavour To quit me of this slaughter , you presume not To crosse me with a syllable , nor your soules Murmur , nor think against it , but weigh well , It will not help your ill , but help to more ; And that my hand wrought thus far to my will Will check at nothing till his circle fill . Mat. Fill it so , I consent not , but who soothes it Consents , and who consents to tyranny does it . Rollo . False Traiteresse dye then with him . Aub. Are you mad To offer at more bloud , and make your selfe More horrid to your people ? I le proclaime It is not as your instrument will publish . Rollo . Doe , and take that along with you — so nimble : He disarms him . Resigne my sword , and dare not for thy soule To offer what thou insolently threatnest , One word proclaiming crosse to what Latorch Hath in commission , and intends to publish . Aub. Well Sir , not for your threats , but for your good , Since more hurt to you would more hurt your countrey , And that you must make vertue of the need That now compells you , I le consent as far As silence argues to your will proclaim'd . And since no more sonnes of your princely Father Survive to rule but you , and that I wish You should rule like your Father , with the love , And zeale of all your subjects , this foule slaughter That now you have committed made asham'd With that faire blessing that in place of plagues Heaven tries our mending disposition with , Take here your sword , which now use like a Prince , And no more like a Tyrant . Rollo . This sounds well . Live and be gratious with us . Gisb. & Bald. O Lord Aubrey . Mat. He flatter thus ? Soph. He temporizes fitly . Rollo . Wonder invades me , doe you two think much That he thus wisely and with need consents To what I author for your countries good , You being my Tutor , you my Chancellour ? Gisb. Your Chancellour is not your flatterer Sir . Bald. Nor i st your Tutors part to shield such doctrine . Rollo . Sir first know you , In praise of your pure Oratory that rais'd me , That when the people who I know by this Are rais'd out of their rests and hastning hither , To witnesse what is done here are arriv'd With our Latorch , you ( extempore ) Shall fashion an Oration to acquit And justifie this forced fact of mine , Or for the proud refusall loose your head . Gisb. I fashion an oration to acquit you ? Sir know you then that 't is a thing lesse easy T' excuse a parricide then to commit it . Roll. I doe not wish you Sir to excuse me , But to accuse my brother as the cause Of his owne slaughter , by attempting mine . Gisb. Not for the world , I should powre bloud on bloud , It were another murder to accuse Him that fell innocent . Roll. Away with him , Hence , haile him straight to execution . Aub. Far fly such rigor your amendfull hand . Rol. He perishes with him that speaks for him . Guard doe your office on him , on your lives paine . Gisb. Tyrant 't will hast thine own death . Roll. Let it wing it , He threatens mee , villaines teare him peece-meale hence . Guard . Avant Sir . Roll. Dispatch him Captaine , And bring me instant word he is dispatch't , And how his Rhetorique takes it . Ham. I le not faile sir . Roll. Captaine besides , remember this in chiefe , That being executed you deny To all his friends the Rites of funerall , And cast his carcase out to doggs and fowles . Ham. T is done my Lord . Exit . Roll. Vpon your life not faile . Bald. What impious dareing is there here of heaven ! Roll. Sir now prepare your selfe , against the people Make here their entry to discharge the Oration He hath denyde my will . Bald For feare of death , Ha , ha , ha . Roll. Is death ridiculous with you ? Workes misery of age this , or thy Iudgement ? Bald. Iudgement false Tyrant ? Rollo . You 'l make no Oration then . Baldw. Not to excuse But agravate thy murther if thou wilt , Which I will so inforce , I le make thee wreack it ( With hate of what thou win'st by 't ) on thy self With such another justly merited murther . Rollo . I le answer you anon . Enter Latorch . Lat. The Citizens Are hasting Sir in heapes , all full resolv'd By my perswasions of your brothers treasons . Rollo . Honest Latorch . Enter Hamond . Ham. See Sir Gisberts head . Rollo . Good speed , wa st with a sword ? Ham. An axe my Lord . Rollo . An axe , t was vilely done : I would have had Mine own fine headsman done it with a sword , Goe , take this dotard here , and take his head Off with a sword . Ham. Your Schoolemaster ? Roll. Even he . Bald. For teaching thee no better , 't is the best Of all thy damned Iustices , away Captaine , I le follow . Edith . O stay there Duke , And in the midst of all thy bloud and fury Heare a Poore maids petitions , heare a daughter The only daughter of a wretched father , O stay your hast , as you shall need this mercy . Roll. Away with this fond woman . Edith . You must heare mee : If there be any sparke of pitty in you , If sweet humanity and mercy rule you . I doe confesse you are a Prince , your anger As great as you , your execution greater . Roll. Away with him . Edith . O Captaine by thy man-hood By her soft soule that bare thee : — I doe confesse sir , Your doome of justice on your foes most righteous ; Good noble Prince looke on me . Roll. Take her from me . Edith . A curse upon his life that hinders me , May fathers blessing never fall upon him , May heaven never heare his prayers . I beseech you , O Sir , these teares beseech you , these chast hands woe you That never yet were heav'd but to things holy , Things like your selfe , you are a God above us , Be as a God then , full of saving mercy , Mercy , O mercy sir , for his sake mercy , That when your stout heart weepes , shall give you pitty . Here I must growe . Roll. By heaven I le strike thee woman . Edith . Most willingly , let all thy anger seize mee , All the most studyed torments , so this good man , This old man , and this innocent escape thee . Roll. Carry him away I say . Edith . Now blessing on thee : ô sweet pitty I see it in thy eyes . I charge ye souldiers , Even by the Princes power release my Father , The Prince is mercifull , why doe ye hold him ? The Prince forgets his fury , why doe ye tug him ? He is old , why doe ye hurt him ? speak O speak sir , Speak as you are a man , a mans life hangs sir , A friends life and a foster life upon you . 'T is but a word , but mercy , quickly spoke sir , O speake Prince speake . Roll. Will no man here obay mee ? Have I no rule yet ? as I live he dies That does not execute my will and suddenly . Bald. All thou canst doe takes but one short houre frō me . Roll. Hew off her hands . Ham. Lady hold off . Edith . No , hew 'em , Exit Baldwin with the Guard . Hew off my innocent hands as he commands you , They le hang the faster on for deaths convulsion . Thou seed of rocks , will nothing move thee then , Are all my teares lost , all my righteous prayers Drown'd in thy drunken wrath ? I stand up thus then , Thus boldly bloudy Tyrant , And to thy face in heavens high name defy thee , And may sweet mercy when thy soule sighs for it , When under thy black mischiefes thy flesh trembles , When neither strength nor youth , nor friends nor gold , Can stay one hower , when thy most wretched conscience Wak'd from her dreame of death , like fire shall melt thee , When all thy mothers teares , thy brothers wounds , Thy peoples feares and curses , and my losse , My aged fathers losse shall stand before thee — Roll. Save him I say , run save him , save her Father , Fly and redeeme his head . Ezit Latorch . Edith . May then that pitty , That comfort thou expect'st from heaven , that mercy Be lockt up from thee , fly thee , howlings finde thee , Dispaire , O my sweet father ! stormes of terrors , Bloud , till thou burst againe . Enter Latorch Hamond with a head . Roll. O faire sweet anger ! Lator. I came too late Sir , 't was dispatch't before , His head is heere . Roll. And my heart there goe bury him , Give him faire rites of funerall decent honours . Edith . Wilt thou not take mee monster ? high heaven , Give him a punishment fit for his mischiefe . Lator. I feare thy prayer is heard , and he rewarded Lady have patience 't was unhappy speed , Blame not the Duke , 't was not his fault but fates , He sent you know to stay it , and commanded In care of you , the heavy object hence Soone as it came , have better thoughts of him . Enter the Citizens . Cit. 1. Where 's this young Traitor ? Lator. Noble Citizens heere , And heere the wounds he gave your Soveraigne Lord . Cit. 1. This Prince of force must be Belov'd of Heaven , that heaven hath thus preserv'd . Cit. 2. And if he be lov'd of heaven you know , He must be just and all his actions so . Roll. Concluded like an Oracle , O how great A grace of heaven is a wise Citizen ! For heaven 't is makes them wise , as 't made mee just , As it preserv'd mee , as I now survive , By his strong hand to keep you all alive , Your wives your childrens goods and lands kept yours , That had been else prey to his Tyrannous power . That would have prey'd on mee , in bed assaulted mee In sacred time of peace , my mother heere , My sister this just Lord , and all had felt The Curtian Gulfe of this conspiracy , Of which my Tutor and my Chancellor , ( Two of the gravest and most counted honest In all my Dukedome ) were the monstrous heads . O trust no honest men for their sakes ever My politique Citizens , but those that beare , The names of Cutthroats , Vserers , and Tyrants . O those beleeve in ; for the foule mouth'd world Can give no better tearmes to simple goodnesse , Even me it dares blaspheme , and thinks me tyrannous For saving mine own life , sought by my brother ; Yet those that sought his life before by poison , ( Though mine own servants hoping to please me ) I le lead to death for 't which your eyes shall see . Cit. 1. Why what a Prince is here ! Cit. 2. How just ? Cit. 3. How gentle ? Rollo . Well now my deerest subjects , or much rather My nerves my spirits , or my vitall bloud , Turne to your needfull rest , and setled peace , Fixt in this root of steele , from whence it sprung In heavens great help and blessing , but ere sleep Binde in his sweet oblivions your dull sences , The name and vertue of heavens King advance For you ( in chiefe ) for my deliverance . Cit. Heaven and his King save our most pious Soveraign . Rollo . Thanks my good people , mother , & kind sister , Exeunt Cit. And you my noble kinsman , things borne thus , Shall make yee all command what ever I Enjoy in this my absolute Empery . Take in the body of my Princely brother , For whose death since his fate no other way Would give my eldest birth his supreme right , Wee 'l mourne the cruell influence it beares , And wash his Sepulcher with kindly teares . Aub. If this game end thus , heavens ! will rule the seat : Exeunt omnes praeter Latorch & Edith . What we have yeelded to , we could not let . Lat. Good Lady rise and raise your spirits withall More high then they are humbled , you have cause As much as ever honour'd happiest Lady , And when your eares are freer to take in Your most amendfull and unmatched fortunes , I le make yee drowne a hundred helplesse deaths In sea of one life pour'd into your bosome With which shall flowe into your armes the riches , The pleasures , honours , and the rules of Princes . Which though death stop your eares me thinks should ope them : Assay to forget death . Edith . O slaughtered Father ! Lat. Cast off what cannot be redrest , and blesse The fate that yet you curse so , since for that You spake so movingly , and your sweet eyes With so much grace fill'd , that you set on fire The Dukes affection , whom you now may rule As he rules all his Dukedome , i st not sweet ? Does it not shine away your sorrowes cloudes ? Sweet Lady take wise heart , and heare and tell me . Edith . I heare no word you speak . Lat. Prepare to heare then , And be not barr'd up from your selfe , nor adde To your ill fortune with your far worse judgement , Make me your servant to attend with all joyes Your sad estate , till they both blesse and speake it : See how thei l bow t' ye , make me wait , command me To watch out every minute , for the stay Your modest sorrow fancies , raise your graces , And doe my hopes the honour of your motion To all the offer'd heights that now attend you . O how your touches ravish ! how the Duke is slaine already with your flames imbrac't ! I will both serve and visit you and often . Edith . I am not fit Sir . Lat. Time will make you Lady . Exeunt . Enter Guard , 3 or 4 boyes , then the Sheriffe , Cook , Yeo. Seller , Butler , & Pantler to execution . Guard . 1. Come bring these fellowes on , away with em . Guard . 2. Make roome afore there , Roome there for the prisoners . Boy . 1. Le ts run afore boyes , we shall get no place else . Boy . 2. Are these the youths ? Cook . These are the youths you look for . And pray my honest friends be not so hasty . The'rle be nothing done till we come I assure you . Boy . 3. Here 's a wise hanging , are there no more ? But. Doe you heare Sir , You may come in for your share i ft please you . Cook . My friend if you be unprovided of a hanging You look like a good fellow I can afford you A reasonable penniworth . Boy . 2. Afore , afore boyes , Here 's e'en enough to make us sport . Yeo. sel. Pox take you , doe you call this sport ? Are these your recreations ? Must we be hang'd to make you mirth ? Cook . Doe you heare Sir , You Custard-pate , we goe too 't for high treason , An honourable fault , thy foolish father Was hang'd for stealing sheep . Boyes . Away , away boyes . Cook . Doe you see how that sneaking rogue lookes now ? you sheep Pantler , You peaching rogue that provided us these necklaces , You poore rogue , you costive rogue you . Pant. Pray , pray fellowes . Cook . Pray for thy crusty soul , where 's your reward now Good goodman manchet , for your fine discovery ? I doe beseech you Sir , where are your dollers ? Draw with your fellows and be hang'd . Yeo. sel, He must now , For now he shall be hang'd first that 's his comfort , A place too good for thee , thou meale-mouthd rascall . Coo. Hang handsomely for shame , come leave your praying You peaking knave , and die like a good Courtier , Die honestly and like a man , no preaching With I beseech you take example by me . I liv'd a lewd man good people . pox on 't , Die me as thou had'st din'd , say grace & God be with you . Guard . Come will yee forward ? Cook . Good Master Sheriffe your leave too . This hasty work was never done well , give us so much time As but to sing our own Ballad , for wee l trust no man Nor no tune but our own , 't was done in Ale too , And therefore cannot be refus'd in justice , Your penny pot-Poets are such pelting theeves , They hang men ever twice , we have it here Sir , And so must every marchant of our voyage , Hee le make a sweet returne else of his credit . Yeo. sel. One fit of our own mirth , and then we are for yee . Guard . 1. Make hast then and dispatch . Yeo. sel. There 's day enough Sir . Cook . Come boyes sing cheerefully , we shall never sing younger , We have chose a loud tune too because it should like well , They sing . Come fortune 's a whore I care not who tell her , Would offer to strangle a page of the Celler . That should by his oath to any mans thinking And place , have had a defence for his drinking . But this she does when she pleases to palter , Insteed of his wages she gives him a halter . Three merry boyes , and three merry boyes , and three merry boyes are we , As e're did sing three parts in a string , All under the triple tree . But I that was so lusty , and ever kept my bottles , That neither they were musty , and seldome lesse then pottles . For me to be thus stopt now With hemp insteed of Corke Sir , And from the Gallows lopt now Shewes that there is a forke Sir In death , and this the Token . Man may be two waies killed , Or like the bottle broken , Or like the wine be spilled . Three merry boyes , &c. O yet but looke on the master Cook the glory of the kitchin , In sowing whose fate at so lofty a rate no Tayler had a stitch in For though he make the man , The Cook yet makes the dishes : The which no Tailor can , Wherein I have my wishes . That I who at so many a feast have pleas'd so many Tasters , Should come my selfe for to be drest , a dish for you my masters . Three merry boyes , &c. O Man or Beast or you at least , That wears or Brow or Antler , Prick up your eares unto the teares , Of me poore Paul the Pantler . That am thus chipt , because I clipt , The cursed crust of Treason With loyall knife , O dolefull strife , To hang thus without Reason . Three merry boyes , &c. There 's a few copies for ye now , Farewell friends , and good Mr Sheriffe let me not Be printed with a brasse pot on my head . Butl. March faire , march faire , Afore good Captaine Pantler . Exeunt .
ACTUS 4. SCENA 1. Enter Aubrey and Latorch . Aub. Latorch I have waited here to speake to you And you must hearken : set not forth your leggs Of hast , nor put your face of businesse on , An honester affaire then this I urge too , You will not easily thinke on , and t will be Reward to entertaine it . 'T is your fortune To have our maisters Eare above the rest Of us that follow him , but that no man envies , For I have well considered , truth sometimes May be convay'd in by the same conduits That falshood is , These courses that he takes Cannot but end in ruine , Empire got By bloud and violence must so be held , And how unsafe it is , he first will prove , That toyling still to remove Enemies Makes himselfe meete it is not now a Brother , A faithfull Counsailor of state or two , That are his danger , they are faire dispatcht , It is a multitude that gin to feare And think , what began there must end in them , For all the fine Oration that was made 'em ; And they are not an easy monster quell'd . Princes may pick their suffering nobles on 't , And one by one employ them to the block : But when they once grow formidable to Their Clownes and Coblers , ware then guard themselves ; If you durst tell him this Latorch , the service Would not discredit the good name you hold With men : besides the profit to your maister , And to the publique . Lator. I conceive not Sir , Their ayery feares , and why should I object 'em Vnto his fancy , wound what is yet sound ? Your Counsells colour not with reason of state , Where all that 's necessary still is just . The actions of the Prince , while they succeed , Should be made good and glorifide , not question'd : Men doe but shew their ill affections That — Aub. What ? speake out . Lator. Doe murmure gainst their maisters Aub. Is this to mee ? Lator, It is to whosoever , Mislikes o' the Dukes courses . Aub. I ? is 't so ? At your state ward sir . Lator. I am sworne to heare , Nothing may prejudice the Prince . Aub. Why ? doe you ? Or have you ? ha ? Lator. I cannot tell : mens hearts Shew in their words sometimes . Aub. I ever thought thee Knave o' th chamber : art thou the spy too ? Lator. A watchman for the State , and one that 's known Sir , to be rightly affected . Aub. Baude of the State , No lesse then of thy maisters lusts ; I now See nothing can redeeme thee , dar'st thou mention , Affection or a heart that ne're hadst any ? Know'st not to love or hate , but by the scale As thy Prince does 't before thee , that dost never Weare thine own face , but putst on his , and gatherst Baites for his eares , liv'st wholy at his beck , And ere thou durst utter a thought thine owne , Must expect his , creep'st forth and wad'st into him , As if thou wert to passe a ford , there proving Yet , if thy tongue may step on safely or no , Then bringst his virtue a sleepe , and staist the wheele Both of his reason and Iudgement that they move not , Whit'st over all his vices , and at last Dost draw a cloud of words before his eyes , Till neither he can see thee nor himselfe . Wretch I dare give him honest Counsells , I , And love him whil'st I tell him truth : old Aubrey Dares goe the straightest way , which still 's the shortest . Walke on the thornes thou scaterst , Parasite , And tread 'em unto nothing : and if thou Then letst a looke fall of the least dislike , I le rip thy Crowne up with my sword at height , And pluck thy skinne over thy face in sight Of him thou flattrest : unto thee I speake it Slave , against whom all lawes should now conspire , And e'ry creature that hath sence be arm'd , As 'gainst the common enimy of mankind , That sleep'st within thy maisters eare , and whisper'st , 'T is better for him to be fear'd then lov'd , Bid'st him trust no mans friendship ; spare no bloud That may secure him ; T is no cruelty That hath a spatious end for soveraignety , Break all the lawes of kind , if it succeed , An honest noble and praiseworthy deed , While he that takes thy poysons in , shall feele , Their virulent workings in a point of time , When no repentance can bring aide , but all His spirits shall melt , with what his conscience burn'd , And dying in a flatterers armes shall fall unmourn'd . There 's matter for you now . Lator. My Lord this makes not , For loving of my maister . Aub. Loving ? no , They hate ill Princes most that make 'em so . Enter Rollo , Hamond , Allan , Guard . Roll. I le heare no more . Ham. Alas t is for my brother , I beseech your highnesse . Roll. How ? a brother ? Had not I one my selfe ? did title move mee , When it was fit that he should dye ? away . Allan . Brother loose no word more , leave my good cause To upbraid the Tyrant . I me glad I am falne Now in those times that will'd some great example T' assure men we can dye for honesty . Roll. Sir you are brave , pray that you hold your neck As bravely forth anon unto the headsman . Allan , Would he would strike as bravely , and thou by Rollo , 't would make thee quake to see me dye , Aub. What 's his offence ? Ham. For giving Gisbert buriall Who was sometimes his Maister . Allan . Yes Lord Aubrey , My gratitude and humanity are my Crimes . Roll. Why beare you him not hence ? Aub. My Lord , ( stay souldiers ) I doe beseech your highnesse doe not loose , Such men for so sleight clauses , this is one Hath still been faithfull to you , a try'd soule In all your fathers battailes . I have seen him Bestride a friend against a score of foes ; And look , he looks as he would kill his hundred For you Sir , were you in danger . Allan . Till he kills his Brother , his Chancellour , then his amster , To which he can adde nought to equall Nero But killing of his mother . Aub. Peace , brave foole , Thou valiant Asse , here 's his brother too Sir , A Captaine of your Guard hath serv'd you long With the most noble witnesse of his truth Mark'd in his face , and ev'ry part about him That turnes not from an enemie : but view him , And doe not grieve him , Sir , if you doe meane That he shall hold his place , it is not safe To tempt such spirits , and let 'em weare their swords , You make your Guards your terrours by these Acts , And throw more hearts off from you then you hold , And I must tell you Sir ( with my old freedome , And my old faith to boot ) you have not liv'd so , But that your state will need such men , such hands , Of which here 's one shall in an houre of triall Doe you more certaine service with a stroke , Then the whole bundle of your Flatterers , With all th' unsavorie unction of their tongues . Rollo . Peace talker . Aub. One that loves you yet my Lord , And would not see you pull on your own ruines , Mercy becomes a Prince , and guards him best , A weand affrights they are no ties of love , And when men 'gin to feare the Prince , they hate him . Rollo . Am I the Prince or you ? Aub. My Lord , I hope I have not utter'd ought should urge that question . Rollo . Then practise your obedience , see him dead . Aub. My Lord . Rollo . I le heare no word more . Aub. I am sorry then There is no small dispaire Sir of their safety , Whose eares are blocked up against the truth , Come Captaine . Ham. I doe thank you Sir . Aub. For what ? For seeing thy brother dye a man and honest , Live thou so Captaine , I will so , I assure thee , Although I die for 't too . Come . Exeunt omnes praeter Rollo , & Latorch . Rollo . Now Latorch , What doe you think ? Lat. That Aubries speech and manners Sound somewhat of the boldest . Rollo . T is his custome . Lat. It may be so , and yet be worth a feare . Rollo . If we thought so it should be worth his life , And quickly too . Lat. I dare not Sir be author Of what I would , he is so dangerous , But with your highnesse favour and your license . Rollo . He talkes 't is true , and he is licens'd : leave him . We now are Duke alone , Latorch secur'd , Nothing left standing to obscure our prospect , We look right forth , besides and round about us , And see it ours with pleasure : only one Wisht joy there wants to make us so possesse it , And that is Edith , Edith , she that got me In bloud and teares in such an opposite minute , As had I not at once felt all the flames , And shafts of love shot in me ( his whole armory ) I should have thought him as far off as death . Lat. My Lord expect a while , your happinesse Is ne'rer then you think it , yet her griefes Are greene and fresh , your vigilant Latorch Hath not been idle , I have leave already To visit her and send to her . Rollo . My life . Lat. And if I finde not out as speedy waies , And proper instruments to work and bring her To your fruition , that she be not watch'd Tame to your highnesse , say you have no servant Is capable of such a trust about you , Or worthy to be — of your delight . Rollo . O my Latorch , what shall I render thee For all thy travells , care , and love ? Lat. Sir , one sute , Which I will ever importune till you grant me . Rollo . About your Mathematitians . Lat. Yes to have The scheme of your nativity judg'd by them . I hav 't already erected , O my Lord , You doe not know the labour of my feares . My doubts for you are such as cannot hope Any security but from the starres , Who being rightly ask'd can tell man more , Then all power else , there being no power beyond them . Rollo . All thy petitions still are care of us . Aske for thy selfe . Lat. What more can concerne me Then this ? Rollo . Well rise true honest man and goe then , We 'le study our selves a meanes how to reward thee . Lat. Your Grace is now inspir'd , now , now your Highnes Begins to live , from this houre count your joyes , But Sir , I must have warrants with blanck figures To put in names such as I like . Rollo . You shall . Lat. They dare not else Sir offer at your figure , O I shall bring you wonders , there 's a Fryer , Russee an admirable man Another Gentleman , and then La fiske , The mirrour of his time , 't was he that set it , But there 's one Norbret , ( him I never saw ) Has made a mirrour , a meere lookin-glasse In show you 'd think 't no other , the forme ovall , As I am given to understand by letter , Which renders you such shapes , & those soe differing And some that will be question'd , and give answers , Then has he set it in a frame that wrought Vnto the revolutions of the starres , And so compacted by due proportions Vnto their harmony doth move alone A true Automicon : Thus Dedalus Statues Or Vulcans stooles — Rollo . Do'st thou beleeve this ? Lat. Sir , Why what should stay my faith or turn my sence , He has been about it above twenty yeares , Three seavens , the powerfull and the perfect numbers , And art and time Sir can produce such things , What doe we read there , that Hiarbaes banquet The great Gymnosophist that had his Butlers And Carvers of pure gold wait at the table : The images of Mercury too , that spoke , The wooden Dove that flew , a Snake of Brasse That hist : and Birds of silver that did sing . All these were done Sir by the Mathematiques : Without which there 's no science nor no truth . Rollo . You are in your own sphere ( Latorch ) & rather Then I le contend with you for it , I le beleeve you . Yo' have woon upon me that I wish to see My fate before me now , what ere it be . Lat. And I le endeavour you shall know 't with speed , For which I should have one of trust goe with me , If you please , Hamond , that I may by him Send you my first dispatches : after I Shall bring you more , as they come more , And accurate forth from them . Rollo . Take your way , Choose your own meanes , and be it prosperous to us . Exeunt .
SCENA 2. Enter Russe , De bube , La Fiske , Norbret , Pippeau . Russe . Come beare up Sirs , we shall have better daies , Mine Almanack tells mee . Bube. What 's that , your rumpe . Russ. It never itch't in vaine yet ; slid La Fiske , Throw off thy sluggish face , I cannot abide To see thee look like a poore Iade i' th pound , That saw no meat these three daies . Fiske . S'light to me , It seemes thirteen daies since I saw any . Russ. How ? Fisk. I cannot remember that I ever saw Or meat or mony , you may talke of both , To open a mans Stomack or his purse , But feed 'em still with aire . Bube. Fryer , I feare You doe not say your office well adaies , I cannot heare your beads knack . Nor. Pox , he feeds With lechery , and lives upon th' exchange Of his two eggs and puddings , with the market-women . Russ. And what doe you sir with the Advocates wife , That you perswade upon your Doctorall bed , To take the Mathematicall trance so often ? Fisk . Come we are starke nought all ; bad 's the best on 's , Foure of the Seaven deadly spots we are , Besides our lechery we are envious And most , most gluttinous when we have it thus , Most covetous now we want it : then our boy , He is a fift spot , sloth , and he undoes us . Bub. T is true the child was wont to be industrious , And now and then send in a Merchants wife Sick o' th husband , or a swearing Butler That mist one of his Boles ; a crying maid Had lost a silver spoone : the Curry-combe Sometimes was wanting , there was something gotten But now — Pip. What now , did I not yester-morning Bring you in a Cardicue there from the Peasant , Whose Asse I had driven aside and hid that you Might conjure for him ? and then last night Six souse from the Cookes wife , yee shard among yee To set a figure for the pestle I stole , It is not at home yet . These things my maisters , In a hard time they would be thought on , you Talke o' your Lands , and Castles in the aire O' your twelve houses there , but it is I That bring you in your rents for 'em , t is Pipeau That is your bird cal'd . Nor. Faith he does well , And cuts through the Element for us , I must needs say In a fine dextrous line . Fisk. But not as he did At first , then he would saile with any winde Int' ev'ry creek and corner . Pip. I was light then , New built and rigg'd , when I came to you Gentlemen , But now with often and farre ventring for you , Here be leakes sprung , and whole plancks wanting , see you , If you 'l new sheath me againe , yet I am for you To any bog or sleights , where you 'l send mee , For as I am , where can this ragged barke Put in for any service , lesse it be I' th ile of Rogues , and there turne Pyrate for you . Norb. Faith he saies reason , Fryer you must leave Your neat crispt Clarret , and fall to your Sider A while ; and you La Fiske your larded Capons And Turkies for a time , and take a good Cleane tripe in your way ; Debube too must content him With wholsome two sous'd pettitoes , no more crowne Ordinaries , Till we have clothd our Infant . Bube. So you 'l keepe your owne good motions Doctor , your deere selfe . Fiske . Yes for we all doe know the latitude O' your concupiscence . Russ. Heere , about your belly . Bube. You 'l pick a bottle open , or a whimsey As soone as the best on us . Fiske . And dip your wrist-bands , ( For cuffes you ha' none ) as comely in the sawce , Bells Ring within . As any Courtier — heark , the Bell , who 's there . Exit Pip. and enter againe . Russ. Good luck I doe conjure thee , boy look out . Pip. They are Gallants , Courtiers , one of 'em is Of the Dukes Bedchamber , Russ. Latorch downe , On with your Gowne , there 's a new sute arriv'd Did I not tell you Sonnes of honger ? Crownes Crownes are comming towards you : wine and wenches You shall have once againe : and Fidlers Into your studies close , each lay his eare This doore , and as you heare mee to prepare you , So come , and put me on that visour only . Enter Latorch and Hamond . Lato. You l not be farre hence Captain , when the businesse Is done , you shall receive present dispatch . Ham. I le walke sir i' th cloister . Russ. Mounsieur Latorch , my sonne , The starres are happy still that guide you hither . Lator. I am glad to heare their Secretary say so , My learned Father Russee , where 's La Fiske , Mounsieur La Bube , how doe they . Russ. At their studies , They are the Secretaries of the Starres sir , Still at their books , they will not be pull'd off , They stick like cupping glasses ; if ever men Spoke with the tongue of destiny , 't is they . Lator. For loves sake le ts salute 'em . Russ. Boy goe see , Tell 'em who 's heere , say that their friends doe challenge Some portion of their time , this is our minute , Pray them they will spare it , they are the Sunne & Moone Of knowledge , pitty two such noble lights Should live obscur'd , heere , heere in a Vniversity , Whose beams were fit t' illuminate any Court Of Christendome — Enter La Fiske , De Bube , and Pipeau . Fisk. Well look upon the Astrolobe , you 'l finde it For Almucanturies at least . Bube. It is so . Russ. Still of their learned stuffe , they care for nothing . But how to know , as negligent of their bodies In Dyet or else , especially in their clothes As if they had no change . Pip. They have so little , As may well free 'em from the name of shifters . Fisk. Mounsieur Latorch . Lator. How is it learned Gentlemen , With both your vertues . Bube. A most happy houre When we see you sir . Lator. When you heare me then , It will be happier ; The Duke greets you both Thus , & though you may touch no mony father , Yet you may take it . Russ. 'T is his highnesse bounty , But yet to me and those that have put off The world superfluous . Fisk. We have heard of late his highnesse good successe . Bube. And gratulate it . Lator. Indeed he hath scap't a strange conspiracy , Thanks to his starres , which starrs he prayes by mee , You would againe consult and make a judgement On what you lately erected for my love . Russ. O sir , we dare not . Fisk. For our lives . Bube. It is The Princes Scheme . Lator. T' incounter With that feare Here 's to assure you , his signet , write your names , And be secur'd all three . Bub. We must intreat some time Sir . Lat. I must then Intreat , it be as present as you can . Fisk. Ha' you the Scheme here ? Lat. Yes . Russ. I would you had Sir Another warrant . Lat. What would that doe . Russ. Marry , We have a Doctour Sir that in this businesse Would not performe the second part . Lat. Not Him that you writ to me of ? Rus. The very same . Lat. I should have made it Sir my sute to see him , Here is a warrant ( Father ) , I conceiv'd That he had soly apply'd himselfe to Magick . Rus. And to these studies too Sir , in this field He was imitated : but we shall hardly Draw him from his chaire . Lat. Tell him he shall have gold . Fisk. O such a syllable would make him forsweare Ever to breath in your sight . Sir , he ( if you doe please to give any thing ) Must hav 't convai'd under a paper . Rus. Or left behinde some book in his study . Bub. Or in some old wall . Fisk. Where his Familiars May tell him of it , and that pleases him sir . Bub. Or else I le goe and assay him . Lat. Take gold with you . Rus. That will not be amisse , give it the boy sir , He knowes his holes , and how to bait his spirits . Pip. We must lay in severall places sir . Rus. That 's true , That if one come not , the other may hit . Lat. Well goe then ; is he so learn'd Gentlemen ? Fisk. The very top of our profession , mouth of the Fates , Pray Heaven his spirits be in good humour to take , They 'le fling the gold about the house else . Bub. I , And beat the Fryer , if he goe not well Furnisht with holy water . Fisk. Sir you must observe him . Bub. Not crosse him in a word : for then he 's gone . Fisk. If he doe come , which is a hazard yet , Mas he 's there , this is speed . Enter Norbret , Russee , Pipteau . Norb. Where is your scheme ? Let 's see 't ; dispatch : nay fumbling now , who 's this ? Rus. Chiefe Gentleman of the Dukes chamber Doctour . Norb. O let him be , good even to him , he 's a Courtier , I le spare his complement tell him : what 's here ? The geniture nocturnall longitude At twenty one degrees the latitude At forty nine and ten minutes , how are the Cardines ? Fisk. Libra in twenty foure , forty foure minutes , And Capricorne . Norb. I see 't see the Planets Where , how they are dispos'd , the Sunne and Mercury , Mars with the Dragons taile , the third house , And pars fortuna in the Imo coeli . Then Iupiter in the twelfe , the Cacadaemon . Bud. And Venus in the second , inferna porta . Norb. I see it , peace ; then Saturne i' th fift , Luna i th' seaventh , and much of Scorpio , That Mars his gaudium rising in the ascendant , That joint with Libra too , the house of Venus , And Imum Coeli , Mars his exultation i th' seaventh house , Aries being his naturall house , And where he is now seated : and all these shew him To be the Almuter . Rus. Yes he 's Lord of the genitures , Whether you examine it by Ptolomies way , Or Nasahales , Laell , or Alkindus . Fisk . No other Planet hath so many dignities Either by himselfe , or in regard o' th Cuspes . Norb. Why hold your tongue then , if you know it ; Venus The Lady of the Horoscope , being Libra , The other part Mars rules so that the geniture Being nocturnall , Luna is the highest , None else being in sufficient dignitie , She being in Aries in the seaventh house Where Sol exalted is the Alchocoden . Bub. Yes for you see he hath his termine In the degrees where she is fand enjoyes By that six dignities . Fisk. Which are cleerely more Then any else that view her i' the scheme . Norb. Why I saw this , and could ha told you too That he beholds her with a trine aspect Here out of Sagitary , almost partly , And how that Mars out of the selfe same house , ( But another signe ) here by a platique aspect Looks at the hilage , with a quartile ruling The house where the sunne is ; all this could I Have told you , but that you will out-run me , and meete That this same quartile aspect to the Lady of life , Here the seaventh promises some danger , Cauda Draconis being so neere Mars , And Caput Algell in the house of death . Lat. How Sir ? I pray you cleere that . Norb. What is the question first ? Rus. Of the Dukes life , what dangers threaten him ? Norb, Apparent and those suddaine : when the Hyley , Or Alchocoden by direction come To a quartile opposition of the place Where Mars is in the geniture ( which is now At hand ) or else oppose to Mars himselfe , expect it . Lat. But they may be prevented . Nor. Wisdome only , That rules the starres may doe it , for Mars being Lord of the geniture in Capricorne , Is ( if you mark it ) now a Sextile here With Venus Lady of the Horoscope , So she being in her exilium , which is Scorpio And Mars his gaudium ; is o're rul'd by him . And cleere debillitated , five degrees Beneath her ordinary power , so That at the most she can but mittigate . Lat. You cannot name the Persons brings this danger ? Nor. No , that the starres tells not us , they name no man ; That 's a work Sir of another place . Rus. Tell him whom you suspect , & hee 'l guesse shrewdly . Lat. Sir , we doe feare one Aubrey , i ft t were he I should be glad , for we should soone prevent him . Fisk. I know him , the Dukes kinsman , a tall man . Lay hold on 't Norbret . Nor. Let me pause a litle , Is he not neere of bloud unto the Duke ? Lat. Yes reverend sir . Nor. Fart for your reverence , Keep it till then , and somewhat high of stature ? Lat He is so . Norb. How old is he ? Fisk. About seaven and fifty . Norb. His head and beard inclining to be gray ? Lat. Right Sir . Fisk. And fat . Norb. He 's somewhat corpulent , is he not ? Lat. You speak the man sir ? Norb. Well look to him , farewell . Exit Norb. Lat. O it is Aubrey : Gentlemen I pray you Let me receive this under all your hands . Rus. Why he will shew you him in his Magick glasse If you intreat him ; and but gratifie A spirit or two more . Lat. He shall eat gold If he will have it , so you shall all , there 's that Amongst you first : let me have this to send . The Duke in th' meane times and then what sights You please to shew I le have you so rewarded As never Artists were : you shall to Court Along with mee ; and there not waite your fortunes . Bube. We have a pretty part on 't in our pockets : Boy we will all be new , you shall along too . Enter Sophia , Matilda , Edith . Mat. Good Madam heare the sute that Edith urges With such submisse beseeches , nor remaine So strictly bound to sorrow for your sonne , That nothing else , though never so befitting , Obtaines your eares or observation . Soph. What would she say ? I heare . Edith . My sute is Madam , That you would please to think as well of justice , Due to your sonnes revenge , as of more wrong added To both your selves for it ; in only grieving , Th' undaunted power of Princes should not be , Confin'd in deedlesse cold calamity . Anger ( the twin of sorrow ) in your wrongs , Should not be smother'd when his right of birth Claimes th' ayre as well , and force of comming forth . Soph. Sorrow is due already , anger never Should be conceiv'd but where it may be borne . In some fact fit t' employ his active fame , That else consumes who bears it , and abides Like a false starre that quenches as it glides . Edith . I have such means t' employ it as your wish Can think no better , easier or securer And such , as but for th' honours I intend To your partakings I alone could ende But your parts in all dues to crying bloud For Vengeance in the shedder , are much greater , And therefore should worke your hands to his slaughter , For your consent , to which 't were infinite wrong , To your severe and most impartiall justice , To move you to forget so false a sonne , As with a mothers duty made you curse him . Mat. Edith he is forgot for any sonne Borne of my mother , or to mee a brother , For should we still performe our rights to him , We should pertake his wrongs , and as foule be In bloud and damned Parricide as he : And therefore tell the happy means that heaven Puts in thine hand , for all our long'd for freedom , From so abhorr'd and impious a Monster . Soph. Tell what she will I le lend nor hand nor eare , To whatsoever heaven puts in her power . Exit . Mat. How strange she is to what she chiefly wishes , Sweet Edith , be not any thought the more Discourag'd in thy purpose , but assur'd Her heart and prayers are thine : and that we two Shall be enough to all we wish to doe . Edith . Madam my selfe alone I make no doubt , Will be afforded power enough from heaven To end the Murderer : all I wish of you , Is but some richer ornaments and jewels , Then I am able to provide my selfe , To help out the defects of my poore beauty , That yet have beene enough as now they are , To make his fancy mad with my desire , But you know Maddam , women never can , Be too faire to torment an Amorous man ; And this mans torments I would heighten still , Till at their highest he were fit to kill . Mat. Thou shalt have all my jewells and my mothers , And thou shalt paint too , that his blouds desire , May make him perish in a painted fire . Hast thou been with him yet ? Edith . Been with him ? no ; I set that hower back t' hast more his longing , But I have promis'd to his Instruments , Th' admittance of a Visit at our house , Where yet I would receive him with all luster My sorrow would give leave too , to remove Suspition of my purpose . Mat. Thou shalt have , All I can adde , sweet wench , in jewels , tires , I le be my selfe thy dresser ; nor may I Serve mine owne love with an attracted husband , More sweetly nor more amptly then maist thou , Thy forward will with his bewich'd affections : Affects thou any personall aide of mine , Mine noblest Edith ? Edith . Nought but your kind prayers , For full effect and speed of my affaire . Mat. They 're thine ( my Edith ) as for me mine owne , For thou well know'st if bloud shed of the best , Should coole and be forgotten , who would feare To shed bloud still , or where ( alas ) were then , The endlesse love we owe to worthlesse men . Edith . Love of the worthiest ever blesse your highnesse . Exeunt .
ACTUS . 5. SCENA . 1. Enter Rollo with a glasse , Aubrey and Servants . Roll. I never studied my glasse till now , 'T is exceeding well , now leave me cosen , How takes your eye the object . Aub. I have learnt So much Sir of the Courtier , as to say Your person does become your habit , but Being call'd unto it by a noble warre , Would grace an Armour better . Roll. You are still For that great Art , of which you are the maister , Yet I must tell you , that to th' encounters We oft attempt , arm'd only thus we bring As troubled bloud , fears mixt with flattering hopes , The danger in the service too as great , As when we are to charge quite through and through The body of an Army . Aub. I le not argue How you may ranke the dangers , but will dye in 't , The ends which they arrive at , are as distant In e'ry circumstance , as farre as honour Is from shame and repentance . Roll. You are soure . Aub. I would speak my free thoughts yet not appeare so , Nor am I so ambitious of the title Of one , that dares talke any thing that runnes Against the Torrent of his owne opinion , That I affect to speake ought may offend you . And therefore gratious Sir , be pleas'd to think , My manners or discretion have inform'd mee , That I was borne in all good ends to serve you , And not to check at what concernes me not , I look not with sore eyes on your rich outside , Nor wrack my thoughts to finde out to what purpose 'T is now employ'd ; I wish it may be good , And that I hope offends not . For a Subject Towards his Prince in things indifferent , To use the austerenesse of a censuring Cato , Is arrogance not freedome . Roll. I commend This temper in you , and will cherish it . Enter Hamond with letters . Roll. They come from Rhoane , Latorch imploy'd you . I must not now be troubled with a thought , Of any new designe , good Aubrey read them , And as they shall direct you , use my power Or to reply or execute . Aub. I will Sir . Rollo . And Captaine bring a squadron of our guard , To the house that late was Baldwins , and there waite mee . Ham. I shall . Roll. Some two houres hence . Ham. With my best care . Roll. Inspire mee love , and be thy diety Or scorn'd or fear'd , as now thou favour'st mee . Exit Roll. Ham. My stay to doe my duty , may be wrongs Your Lordships privacy . Aub. Captaine your love Is ever welcome . I intreat your patience While I peruse these . How 's this ? a plot on mee ! Ham. What is contain'd In the letters that I brought that thus transports him ? Aub. To be wrought on by rogues , and have my head Brought to the Axe by knaves that cheat for bread , The creatures of a Parasite , a slave , I finde you here Latorch , nor wonder at it , But that this honest Captaine should be made His instrument , afflicts mee ; I le make tryall , Whether his will or weaknesse made him to it . Captaine you saw the Duke when he commanded I should doe what these letters did direct mee , And I presume you think I 'le not neglect For feare or favour , to remove all dangers , How neere soever that man can be to mee , From whom they should have birth . Ham. It is confirm'd . Aub. Nor would you Captaine I beleeve refuse , Or for respect of thankfullnesse or hopes , To use your sword with fullest confidence , Where he shall bid you strike . Ham. I never have don . Aub. Nor will I think . Ham. I hope it is not question'd . Aub. The meanes to have it so is now propos'd you , Draw , so , 't is well , and next ; — cut off my head . T is sir the Dukes pleasure , My innocence hath made me dangerous And I must be remov'd , and you the man Must act his will . Ham. I le be a traitor first , Before I serve it thus . Aub. It must be done , And that you may not doubt it , there 's your warrant , But as you read , remember Hamond that I never wrong'd one of your brave profession , And though it be not manly , I must grieve That man of whose love I was most ambitious , Could finde no object for his hate but mee , Ham. It is no time to talke now honour'd Sir , Be pleas'd to heare thy servant , I am wrong'd And cannot , being now to serve the Duke , Stay to expresse the manner how , but If I doe not suddenly give you strong proofes , Your life is deerer to me then my owne , May I live base and dye , so sir your pardon . Exit . Ham . Au. I am both waies ruin'd , both waies mark'd for slaughter , On every side about , behind , before mee , My certain fate is fixt , were I knave now I could avoid this : had my actions , But meere relations to their own ends , I could scape now : O honesty , thou elder child of vertue , Thou seed of heaven , why to acquire thy goodnesse , Should mallice and distrust stick thornes before us ? And make us swimme unto thee hung with hazards . But heaven is got by suffering , not disputeing : Say he know this before hand , where am I then ? Or say he doe not know it , where 's my loyalty ? I know his nature troubled as the Sea , And as the Sea devouring , where he is vex'd , And I know Princes are their own expounders , Am I afraid of death ? of dying nobly ? Of dying in my innocence uprightly ? Have I met death in all his formes and fears , Now on the points of swords , now pitcht on lances , In fires , in stormes of arrowes , battles , breaches , And shall I now shrink from him when he courts mee ? Smileing and full of Sanctity ? I le meet him , My loyall hand and heart shall give this to him , And though it beare , beyond what Poets feigne , A punishment ; duty shall meet that paine , And my most constant heart to doe him good , Enter Mess. Shall check at neither pale affright nor bloud . Mess. The Duchesse presently would crave your presence . Aub. I come ; and Aubrey now resolve to keepe , Thy honour living though thy body sleepe . Exit . Enter Edith and a boy . A banquet set out . Edith . Now for a Fathers murther and the ruine , All chastity shall suffer if he raigne , Thou blessed soule look downe and steel thy daughter , Looke on the Sacrifice she comes to send thee , And through that bloudy cloud behold my piety . Take from my cold heart feare , from my sexe pitty , And as I wipe these teares off , shed for thee , So all remembrance may I loose of mercy , Give mee a womans anger , bent to bloud , The wildnesse of the winds to drowne his prayers , Stormelike may my destruction fall upon him , My rage like roving Billowes as they rise , Pour'd on his soule to sinke it ; give me flattery , ( For yet my constant soule nere knew dissembling ) Flattery the food of fooles , that I may rock him , And lull him in the downe of his desires , That in the height of all his hopes and wishes , His Heaven forgot , and all his lusts upon him , My hand like thunder from a cloud may ceize him , Enter Rollo . I heare him come , goe boy and entertaine him . The Song . Take ô take those lipps away , That so sweetly were forsworne , And those eyes like break of day , Lights that doe mislead the morne , But my kisses bring againe , Seales of love though seal'd in vaine . Hide ô hide those hills of Snow , That thy frozen bosome beares , On whose tops the pincks that grow , Are yet of those that Aprill wears , But first set my poore heart free , Bound in those Icy chaines by thee . Roll. What bright starre taking beauties for me upon her , In all the happy lustre of heavens glory , Has dropt downe from the skye to comfort mee ? Wonder of nature , let it not prophane thee , My rude hand touch thy beauty , nor this kisse , The gentle sacrifice of love and service , Be offer'd to the honour of thy sweetnesse . Edith . My gratious Lord , no diety dwells here , Nor nothing of that vertue but obedience , The servant to your will affects no flattery . Roll. Can it be flattery to sweare those eyes Are loves eternall lamps , he fires all hearts with That tongue the smart string to his bow ; those sighes , The deadly shafts he sends into our soules , O look upon me with thy spring of beauty . Edith . Your Grace is full of game . Roll. By heaven my Edith , Thy mother fed on roses when she got thee . Edith . And thine on brambles , that hath prickt her heart out . Roll. The sweetnesse of th' Arabian winde still blowing , Vpon the treasures of perfumes and spices , In all their pride and pleasures call thee Mistris . Edith . Wil t please you sit Sir . Roll. So you please sit by mee . Faire gentle maid , there is no speaking to thee , The Excellency that appears upon thee Tyes up my tongue , pray speak to mee . Edith . Of what sir . Roll. Of any thing , and any thing is excellent , Will you take my direction , speak of love then , Speak of thy faire selfe Edith , and whilst thou speakst , Let me thus languishing give up my selfe wench . Edith . Has a strange cunning tongue , why doe you sigh sir , How masterly he turnes himselfe to catch me . Rollo . The way to Paradise ( my gentle maid ) Is hard and crooked , scarce repentance finding With all her holy helps the doore to enter , Give me thy hand , what dost thou feele ? Edith . Your teares sir , You weep extreamly : strengthen me now Iustice , Why are these sorrowes Sir ? Rollo . Thou 'lt never love me If I should tell thee , and yet there is no way left Ever to purchase this blest Paradise , But swimming thither in these teares . Edith . I stagger . Rollo . Are they not drops of bloud ? Edith . No . Rollo . They are for bloud then , For guiltlesse bloud , and they must drop my Edith , They must thus drop till I have drown'd my mischiefes . Edith . If this be true I have no strength to touch him . Rollo . Pree look upon me , turne not from me , Ahlas I doe confesse I 'me made of mischiefe , Begot with all mens miseries upon me , But see my sorrowes minde , and doe not thou learne , Whose only sweetest sacrifice is softnesse , Whose true condition tendernesse of nature . Edith . My anger melts , ô I shall loose my justice . Rollo . Doe not thou learne to kill with cruelty , ( Those blessed eyes ) as I have done with mallice , When thou hast wounded me to death with scorne , As I deserve it Lady for my true love When thou hadst loden me with earth for ever . Take heed my sorrowes , and the stings I suffer , Take heed my nightly dreames of death and horrour Pursue thee not , no time shall tell thy griefes then , Nor shall an houre of joy adde to thy beauties ; Look not upon me as I kill'd thy father , As I was smear'd in bloud doe thou not hate me , But thus in whitenesse of my wash'd repentance In my hearts teares and truth of love to Edith , In my faire life hereafter . Edith . He will foole me . Rollo . O with thine Angell eyes behold and blesse me , Of heaven we call for mercy , and obtaine it , To justice for our right on earth , and have it , Of thee I beg for love , save me , and give it . Edith . Now heaven thy help , or I am gone for ever , His tongue has turn'd me into melting pitty . Enter Hamond and Guard . Ham. Keep the doore safe , and upon paine of death Let no man enter till I give the word . Guard . We shall Sir . Ham. Here he is in all his pleasure . Rollo . I have my wish . How now , why dost thou stare so ? Edith . A help I hope . Rollo . What dost thou here ? who sent thee ? Ham. My brother , and the base malitious office Thou mad'st me doe to Aubrey : pray . Rollo . Pray ? Ham. Pray , Pray , if thou canst pray , I shall kill thy soule else , Pray suddenly . Rollo . Thou canst not be so traiterous . Ham. It is a justice : stay Lady , For I perceive your end ; a womans hand Must not rob me of vengeance . Edith . T is my glory . Ham. T is mine , stay & share with me : By the Gods Rollo There is no way to save thy life . Rol. No ? Ham. No , It is so monstrous no repentance cures it . Rollo . Why then thou shalt kill her first , and what this bloud Will cast upon thy cursed head . Ham. Poore guard Sir . Ed. Spare not brave Captaine . Rol. Feare or the divell ha thee . Ham. Such feare Sir as you gave your honour'd mother , When your most vertuous brother sheild-like held her , Such I le give you ; put her away . Rol. I will not , I will not dye so tamely . Ham. Murdrous villaine , Wilt thou draw seas of bloud upon thee ? Edith . Feare not , Kill him good Captaine anyway dispatch him , My body 's honour'd with that sword that through me Sends his black soule to hell , ô but for one hand . Ham Shake him off bravely . Edith . He 's too strong , strike him . Ham. O I am with you Sir , now keep you from him , What has he got a knife ? Edith . Look to him Captaine For now he will be mischievous . Ham. Doe you smile Sir ? Does it so tickle you , have at you once more . Edith . O bravely thrust , take heed he comes not in Sir , To him againe , you give him too much respit . Rollo . Yet wilt thou save my life , and I le forgive thee , And give thee all , all honours , all advancements , Call thee my friend . Edith . Strike , strike and heare him not , His tongue will tempt a Saint . Rollo . O for my soules sake . Edith . Save nothing of him . Ham. Now for your farewell , Are you so wary , take you that . Rollo . Thou that too . O thou hast kil'd me basely , basely , basely . Dyes . Edith . The just reward of murder falls upon thee , How doe you Sir , has he not hurt you ? Ham. No , I feele not any thing , Sophia , Matilda , Aubrey , and Lords at the doore . Aub. I charge yee let us passe . Guard . Yee cannot yet sir . Aub. I le make my way then . Guard . We are sworne to our Captaine , And till he give the word . Enter Soph. Matil . Aub. Lords and attendants . Ham. Now let 'em in there . Soph. O there he lies , sorrow on sorrow seeks me , O in his bloud he lies . Aub. Had you spoke sooner this might have beene Prevented , Take the Dutches , And lead her off , this is no sight for her eyes . Mat. O bravely done wench . Edith . There stands the noble doer . Mat. May honour ever seek thee for thy justice , O 't was a deed of high and brave adventure , A justice even for heaven to envy at . Farewell my sorrowes , and my teares take truce , My wishes are come round , ô bloudy brother , Till this houre never beautious ; till thy life Like a full sacrifice for all thy mischiefes Flow'd from thee in these rivers , never righteous , O how mine eyes are quarri'd with their joyes now , My longing heart ev'n leaping out for lightnesse , But , dye thy black sinnes with thee , I forgive thee . Aub. Who did this deed ? Ham I , and I will answer it . Dyes . Edith . He faints , ô that same cursed knife has kil'd him . Aub. How ? Edith . He snatcht it from my hand for whom I bore it , And as they grappell'd ? Aub. Iustice is ever equall . Had it not been on him th'had'st dy'de too honest . Did you know of his death ? Edith . Yes , and rejoyce in 't . Aub. I am sorry for your youth then , for though the strictnesse Of law shall not fall on you , that of life must presently ; Goe , to a Cloyster presently carry her , And there for ever lead your life in penitence . Edith . Best father to my soule , I give you thanks Sir And now my faint revenges have their ends , My vowes shall be my kin , my prayers my friends . Exit . Enter Latorch and Iuglers . Lator. Stay there , I le step in and prepare the Duke . Norb. We shall have brave rewards . Fisk. That 's without question . Lator. By this time where 's my huffing friend Lord Aubrey , Where 's that good gentleman — O I could laugh now , And burst my selfe with meere imagination , A wise man and a valiant man , a just man Should suffer himselfe to be juggl'd out of the world , By a number of poore Gipsies : farewell swash-buckler , For I know thy mouth 's cold enough by this time , A hundred on yee I can shave as neatly , And nere draw bloud in show : now shall my honour My power and vertue walke alone ; my pleasure Observ'd by all , all knees bent to my worship , All sute 's to mee , as saint of all their fortunes Preferr'd and crowded too : what full place of credit And what place now ? your Lordship ? no 't is common , But that I le think to morrow on , now for my businesse . Aub. Who 's there . Lator. Ha dead ? my maister dead ? Aubrey a live too ? Guard . Latorch sir . Aub. Ceize his body . Lator. O my fortune , My maister dead ? Aub. And you within this halfe houre Prepare your selfe good Divell , you must to it , Millions of gold shall not redeeme thy mischiefes , Behold the justice of thy practise villaine , The masse of murders thou hast drawne upon us , Behold thy Doctrine , you look now for reward sir , To be advanc'd I me sure for all your labours , And you shall have it : make his Gallowes higher By twenty foot at the least , and then advance him . Lator. Mercy , mercy , 't is too late foole . Exit Lator . Aub. Such as you meant for mee , away with him , What peeping knaves are those , bring 'em in fellowes ; Now , what are you ? Nor. Mathematicians , And it like your Lordship . Aub. And ye drew a figure . Fisk. We have drawn many . Aub. For the Duke I mean sir . Latorches knaves you are . Norb. We know the gentleman . Aub. What did he promise yee . Nor. We are paid already . Aub. But I will see you better paid , goe whip 'em . Nor. We doe beseech your Lordship , we were hired . Aub. I know you were and you shall have your hire , Whip 'em extreamely , whip that Doctour there , Till he record himselfe a rogue . Nor. I am one Sir . Aub. Whip him for being one , and when they 'r whipt , Lead 'em to the gallowes to see their Patron hang'd ; Away with 'em . Nor. Ah good my Lord . Exeunt Iuglers . Aub. Now to mine owne right Gentlemen . Lord . 1. You have the next indeed , we all confesse it , And here stand ready to invest you with it . Lord . 2. Which to make stronger to you and the surer , Then bloud or mischiefe dare infringe againe , Behold this Lady sir , this noble Lady , Full of that bloud as you are , of that neerenesse , How blessed would it be ? Aub. I apprehend yee , And so the faire Matilda dare accept mee , Her ever constant servant . Mat. In all purenesse , In all humillity of heart and service , To the most noble Aubrey I submit mee . Aub. Then this our first tye , now to our businesse . Lor. 1. W' are ready all to put that honour on you . Aub. These sad rights must be done first . Take up the bodies , This as he was a Prince so princely funerall Shall waite upon him : On this honest Captaine The decency of Armes , a teare for him too . Goe sadly on , and as we view his bloud , May his example in our rule raise good . Exeunt . Florish .
FINIS .
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Balwin Baldwin , Dutchess● The old Dutchesse . butten fortunes The Dukedome might be sav'd , had it but ten That stood affected to the generall Gown●men Atturneys lans prizadoes , And our brave Gown-men practisers of back-sword , The pewter of o●nes Exeunt omnes praeter Gisbert & Baldwin . u●der being the piller of the Lawes See them trod under foot , or forc't to serve The Princes unjust Lator●h Rollo , Latorch , Trevile , Granpree , Otto , Verdon , Duprete defenees Arguments , my title Needs not your schoole defences , but my sword With which the Gordian of foole● And thou thy double heart , thou popular foole: Your morrall rules of justice , and her me● I am for you my Lord , and if you'l have mee Ile act the Constables part . swords● Are in your fury choakt , throw downe your swords. Your duty should be swifter then my tongue you● soone and suddaine ) To her perswasion for you break● heart Hold yet a litle longer , and then break: I kneele to both , and will speak so , of● no enimies force Could ere dispoile thee of why dost thou tremble ? And with a fearefull ●hat your government , In cherishing the factions that destroy it . Far , far be this from you Dupr● omnes praet . Granpre , Verdon , Trevile , Duprete business● shall have meat too , and thats No usuall businesse to the men 'oth sword . Drink deep with o● each oath ratified Our tongues the Heralds of our hearts ? brothers● but never leave his nature . The jarres of brothers, two such mighty ones , Are like a small tumbles● up reconcilement on a billow Which as he tumbles totters down your fortune . Ist not your cou●h'd Comet He darkens all your light , can this couch'd Lyon ( Though now he licks and locks up me● Although a thousand Virgins kneele before me, And every dropping eye a Court of mercy ● name Let em have ten tire of teeth a peece , I care not . doz●n against that for two long houres together , Two dozen of maribones shall play continually . For ●ertues , And that no leane one , I bequeath your vertues . What friends hast thou to day , no Cittizens pastie● Sirrha , set by a choine of beefe and a hot pastie And let the jole of Sturgion be corrected No●es stooles , every hower ready To tumble on our Noses , and for ought we know yet For all this Cook● Cook ye● Dare yee but think to make your selves up certainties gentlema● A sweet gentleman . Cook● Cook. you● And this my soule upon't , I dare assure you If you but dare your parts . think● nor water sir , Dare doe enough a man would think. mussel'd all dāger Shall be apparently ti'de up and muffel'd , The matter seeming mighty , there's your gentlemen● rost an egge , If that be all ; for look ye gentlemen Here stands my broths : my finger slipps di●h stirre him with my ladle , And there's a dish for a Duke : Olla podrilla : Here stands seas●ing Here stands a bak't meate , he wants a litle seasning A foolish mistake , my spice boxe gentlemen easy● And done once tis as easy For him to thank us for it , and reward Pa●t. Pant. Serv●nt Enter Servant aud Shewer . Ham●● Latorch , Gisbert , Baldwin , attendants Hamon , Matilda . twin●ings my sweet sonnes , once more with mutuall twineings , As one chast bed begot you , make one ●ast eate , Something is here you have lov'd , tast of this dish , It will prepare your Stomack poys●ner Why should your grace think him a poysoner ? Has he no more respect to piety , And pitty● outwards But came like innocence and dropping pitty, Sighes that would sinke a Navy , and had backwar● Things that would make your honest bloud move backward ●onvey suspicious ; As if beneath those vailes , he did convey Intents and practises of hate and treason cur●e against their hearts ; Heavens blessing is her curse , which she must beare , That she may never that poyson'd , but I feare , His open violence more than trecherous odds In his insatiate thirst tr●●herous but I feare , His open violence more than trecherous odds In his insatiate thirst of rule Is rule● trecherous odds In his insatiate thirst of rule Is like to execute . Sop●. Soph. giv●n since I sit above in power , where power is given , Is all the right suppos'd of earth and con●●dence He comes arm'd . See mother now your confidence . affe●t Make thy way Viper if thou thus affect it . Trea●on This is a Treason like thee . Gibs● Enter Gisb Baldwin , heaven humane comforts , None left that looks at heaven's left halfe so base To doe these black and sleft comforts , None left that looks at heaven's left halfe so base To doe these black and hellish acquit● ( extempore ) Shall fashion an Oration to acquit▪ ▪ And justifie this forced fact of mine ●●hould Not for the world , I should powre bloud on bloud , It were another a●●●se bloud on bloud , It were another murder to accuse Him that fell innocent . heaven● What impious dareing is there here of heaven! death● For feare of death, Ha , ha , ha . you● teares beseech you , these chast hands woe you That never yet were heav'd but to things ●is saving mercy , Mercy , O mercy sir , for his sake mercy , That when your stout heart Tho● hang the faster on for deaths convulsion . Thou seed of rocks , will nothing move thee then mo●t nor gold , Can stay one hower , when thy most wretched conscience Wak'd from her dreame Father● Save him I say , run save him , save her Father, Fly and redeeme his head . ●ly heaven , that mercy Be lockt up from thee , fly thee , howlings finde thee , Dispaire , father● howlings finde thee , Dispaire , O my sweet father! ! stormes of terrors , Bloud , till thou ●ust peace , my mother heere , My sister this just Lord , and all had felt The Curtian Gulfe tyrannou● Even me it dares blaspheme , and thinks me tyrannous For saving mine own life , sought by my lea● mine own servants hoping to please me ) Ile lead to death for't which your eyes shall see gen●le How gentle ? eldestbirth since his fate no other way Would give my eldest birth his supreme right , Wee'l mourne the thus● If this game end thus, heavens ! will rule the seat : L●torch Exeunt omnes praeter Latorch & Edith . bowt'ye both blesse and speake it : See how theil bow t'ye , make me wait , command me To watch tou●hes heights that now attend you . O how your touches ravish ! how the Duke is slaine already pla●e Lets run afore boyes , we shall get no place else . m●n to sing our own Ballad , for weel trust no man Nor no tune but our own , 'twas done in refu●'d done in Ale too , And therefore cannot be refus'd in justice , Your penny pot-Poets are such ●are Come fortune's a whore I care not who tell her , Would offer to strangle sel●ome bottles , That neither they were musty , and seldome lesse then pottles . For me to be thus stopt h●mp pottles . For me to be thus stopt now With hemp insteed of Corke Sir , And from the Gallows ara●e kitchin , In sowing whose fate at so lofty a rate no Tayler had a stitch in For though fa●shood be convay'd in by the same conduits That falshood is , These courses that he takes Cannot ●akes That falshood is , These courses that he takes Cannot but end in ruine , Empire got By more● toyling still to remove Enemies Makes himselfe meete it is not now a Brother● A faithfull Counsailor Brother● Enemies Makes himselfe meete it is not now a Brother, A faithfull Counsailor of state or two , themselves● Their Clownes and Coblers , ware then guard themselves; If you durst tell him this Latorch , the enemie● ev'ry part about him That turnes not from an enemie: but view him , And doe not grieve him , c●rtaine shall in an houre of triall Doe you more certaine service with a stroke , Then the whole bundle them● power else , there being no power beyond them. banq●et , What doe we read there , that Hiarbaes banquet The great Gymnosophist that had his Butlers tran●e Doctorall bed , To take the Mathematicall trance so often ? Fisk● Fisk ha'none And dip your wrist-bands , ( For cuffes you ha' none ) as comely in the sawce , Ham● Ham. fitt heere in a Vniversity , Whose beams were fit t'illuminate any Court Of Christendome — illuminate heere in a Vniversity , Whose beams were fit t'illuminate any Court Of Christendome — Ru●s Russ. , Sir● We must intreat some time Sir. him● I should have made it Sir my sute to see him, Here is a warrant ( Father ) , I conceiv'd Fa●●● very top of our profession , mouth of the Fates , Pray Heaven his spirits be in good humour Pip●eau Enter Norbret , Russee , Pipteau . Mercury● Where , how they are dispos'd , the Sunne and Mercury, Mars with the Dragons taile , the third Drago●s dispos'd , the Sunne and Mercury● Mars with the Dragons taile , the third house , And pars fortuna peace● I see it , peace; then Saturne i'th fift , Luna ith' seaventh Satu●●e I see it , peace ▪ then Saturne i'th fift , Luna ith' seaventh , and much i●th I see it , peace ▪ then Saturne i'th fift , Luna ith' seaventh , and much of gen●tures Yes he's Lord of the genitures , Whether you examine it by Ptolomies way Fisk● Fisk rules● Horoscope , being Libra , The other part Mars rules so that the geniture Being nocturnall , to● Why I saw this , and could ha told you too That he beholds her with a trine aspect more● you , but that you will out-run me , and meete That this same quartile aspect to the Lady Sex●ile Capricorne , Is ( if you mark it ) now a Sextile here With Venus Lady of the Horoscope , him● Scorpio And Mars his gaudium ; is o're rul'd by him. And cleere debillitated , five degrees shrewdly● Tell him whom you suspect , & hee'l guesse shrewdly. Norb● Exit Norb. time● have this to send . The Duke in th' meane times and then what sights You please to shew ther● : you shall to Court Along with mee ; and there not waite your fortunes . no● shall to Court Along with mee ; and there not waite your fortunes . pretty● We have a pretty part on't in our pockets : Boy we will all pa●● We have a pretty part on't in our pockets : Boy we will all be E●ter Enter Sophia , Matilda , Edith . yo●● nor remaine So strictly bound to sorrow for your sonne , That nothing else , though never observation● never so befitting , Obtaines your eares or observation. Confin●d Th'undaunted power of Princes should not be , Confin'd in deedlesse cold calamity . Anger ( the os deedlesse cold calamity . Anger ( the twin of sorrow ) in your wrongs , Should not be intend● securer And such , as but for th'honours I intend To your partakings I alone could ende But end● intend● To your partakings I alone could ende But your parts in all dues to crying bloud Parraoi●●●● wrongs , and as foule be In bloud and damned Parricide as he : And therefore tell the happy means freedome● Puts in thine hand , for all our long'd for freedom, , From so abhorr'd and impious a Monster Exi● Exit . bu● say Your person does become your habit , but Being call'd unto it by a noble warre , runne● Of one , that dares talke any thing that runnes Against the Torrent of his owne opinion austerene●●e Prince in things indifferent , To use the austerenesse of a censuring Cato , Is arrogance not freedome them● thought , Of any new designe , good Aubrey read them, And as they shall direct you , use my Smile●ng now shrink from him when he courts mee ? Smileing and full of Sanctity ? ile meet him , My le●t should tell thee , and yet there is no way left Ever to purchase this blest Paradise , But c●res No , It is so monstrous no repentance cures it . body●●onour'd him good Captaine anyway dispatch him , My body's honour'd with that sword that through me b●●●k with that sword that through me Sends his black soule to hell , ô but for one hand . A●●● Aub. Ham● Ham Sir● Best father to my soule , I give you thanks Sir▪ ▪ And now my faint revenges have their ends hired● We doe beseech your Lordship , we were hired. . whipt● Whip him for being one , and when they'r whipt, Lead 'em to the gallowes to see their Matild● I apprehend yee , And so the faire Matilda dare accept mee , Her ever constant servant upon● a Prince so princely funerall Shall waite upon him : On this honest Captaine The decency
A46230 ---- The Widow Middleton, Thomas This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A46230 of text R10704 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing J1015). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Melina Yeh Lydia Zoells This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A46230.xml The widdow a comedie, as it was acted at the private house in Black-Fryers, with great applause, by His late Majesties servants / written by Ben. Johnson, John Fletcher, Tho. Middleton, Gent. ... Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627. 36 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2005 December (TCP phase 1) 12253737 Wing J1015. 57249 A46230

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 The widdow a comedie, as it was acted at the private house in Black-Fryers, with great applause, by His late Majesties servants / written by Ben. Johnson, John Fletcher, Tho. Middleton, Gent. ... Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Fletcher, John, 1579-1625. [4], 65, [1] p. Printed for Humphrey Moseley, and are to be sold at his shop ..., London : 1652. 1616

"To the reader" signed: Alexander Gough.

Written mainly by Middleton.

"Printed by the originall copy"

Reproduction of original in Huntington Library.

 A46230 shc The Widow Middleton, Thomas Melina Yeh Lydia Zoells 1615 play comedy shc no A46230 R10704 (Wing J1015). 25782 0 0 0 0000AThis text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

THE WIDDOW A COMEDIE . As it was Acted at the private House in Black-Fryers , with great Applause , by His late MAJESTIES Servants .

Written by BEN : JOHNSON . Gent. JOHN FLETCHER . Gent. Tho: MIDDLETON . Gent.

Printed by the Originall Copy .

LONDON , Printed for Humphrey Moseley and are to be Sold at his Shop , at the Sign of the Princes Arms in St. Pauls Church-yard . 1652 .

To the Reader .

COnsidering how the curious pay some part of their esteem to excellent persons in the carefull preservation but of their defaced statues , instead of decayed medals of the Romans greatness , I believed it of more value to present you this lively piece , drawn by the art of Johnson , Fletcher , and Middleton , which is thought to have a neer resemblance to the portracture we have in Terence of those worthy minds , where the great Scipio and Laelius strove to twist the Poets Ivy with the victors Bayes . As the one was deserv'd by their work in subduing their Countries enemies , so the other , by their recreation and delight which was to banish that folly and sadness , that were worse than Haniball , or all the monsters and venome of Africa . Since our own Countrymen are not in any thing inferior , It were to be wished , they had but so much incouragement , that the past licence and abuses charged on the Stage , might not ever be thought too unpardonable to pass in oblivion , and so good Laws and instructions for manners uncapable of being regulated , which if but according to this pattern , certainly none need think himself the less a good Christian for owning the same desire as

Your humble Servant . Alexander Gough .
The Persons of the Play . BRANDINO , an old Justice . MARTINO , his Clerk . FRANCISCO ATTILIO . 2 Gentlemen . 2 Old men Suters to the Widdow . RICARDO , A decayed young Gent. and Suter to the Widdow . ANSALDO , MARTIA disguis'd . LATROCINIO OCCULTO , SILVIO , STRATIO , FIDUCIO . Thieves . VALERIA , The Widow . MARTIA , Daughter to one of the old Suters and supposed a man . PHILIPPA , Justice BRANDINO's Wife . VIOLETTA , her waiting Maid . Officers . Servants .
The Widdow . A COMEDIE .
Actus 1. Scoena 1. Enter Signior MARTINO ( an old Justices Clerk ) and FRANCISCO . Fra. MArtino ? [ Table and Standish . ] Mar. Signior Francisco ? y' ar the luckiest Gentleman to meet Or see first in a morning : I never saw you yet But I was sure of money within less than half an hour . Fra. I bring you the same luck still . Mar. What you doe not ? I hope Sir you are not come for an other Warrant ? Fra. Yes faith , for an other Warrant . Mar.

Why ther 's my dream come out then . I never dream'd of a buttock but I was sure to have money for a Warrant . It is the luckiest part of all the body to me : let every man speak as he finds . Now your Usurer is of opinion , that to dream of the Devill is your wealthier dream ; and I think if a man dream of that part that brings many to the Devill , 't is as good ; and has all one smatch indeed ; for if one be the flesh , th'other 's the broth : So 't is in all his members and we mark it ; if Gluttony be the meat , Leachery is the Porredge , they 'r both boyld together , and wee Clerks will have our modicum too , though it conclude in the two penny chop : Why Sir , Signior Francisco .

Fra. 'T was her voice sure , Or my soul takes delight to think it was , And makes a sound like hers . Mar. Sir , I beseech you . Fra. It is the prettiest contriv'd building , this : What Poesie 's that I prethee ? Mar. Which Sir , that Under the great brass Squirt ? Fra. I that Sir , that Mar. From fire , from water , and all things amiss , Deliver the house of an honest Justice ? Fra.

Ther 's like to be a good house kept then , when fire and water 's forbidden to come into the Kitchin . Not yet a sight of hir ? this hour 's unfortunate . And what 's that yonder prethee ? O loves famine , Ther 's no affliction like thee . I , I hear you Sir .

Mar. Y' ar quicker ear'd than I then : you hear me Before I heard my self . Fra. A gift in friendship Some call it an instinct . Mar. It may be Th' other 's the sweeter phrase though ; Look you Sir , Mine own wit this , and 't is as true as turtle ; A Goose-quill and a Clerk , a Constable and a Lanthorn , Brings many a Baud from Coach to Cart , and many a Thief to one turn . Fra. That one turn helpt you well . Mar.

'Tas helpt me to money indeed for many a Warrant . I am 40. dollars the better for that one-turn ; and 't would come off quicker 't wer nere a whit the worse for me . But indeed when Thieves are taken , and break away twice or thrice one after an other , ther 's my gains ; then goes out more Warrants to fetch 'em agen : one fine nimble villain , may be worth a man ten dollars in and out a that fashion ; I love such a one with my heart , I , and will help him to scape to , and I can ; hear you me that : I le have him in at all times at a months warning : nay , say I let him run like a Summer Nag all the Vacation : See you these blancks , I le send him but one of these bridles , and bring him in at Michaelmas with a vengeance : nothing kils my heart , but when one of 'em dyes Sir ; then ther 's no hope of more money : I had rather lose at all times two of my best kindred , than an excellent Thief : for hee 's a Gentleman I 'm more beholding to .

Fra. You betray your mystery too much Sir . Yet no comfort ? 'T is but her sight that I waste precious time for , For more I cannot hope for , she 's so strict , Yet that I cannot have . Mar. I 'm ready now Signior .

Here are blanck Warrants of all dispositions , give me but the name and nature of your Malefactor , and I le bestow him according to his merits .

Fra. This only is th' excuse that bears me out , And keeps off impudence and suspition From my too frequent comming : what name now Shall I think on , and not to wrong the house ? This Coxcomb wil be prating . � One Astilio , His offence wilfull murder . Mar.

Wilfull murder ? oh I love a life to have such a fellow come under my fingers ; like a begger that 's long a taking leave of a fat lowce , I 'm loth to part with him , I must look upon him over and over first ; are you wilfull ? y'faith , I le be as wilfull as you then .

[ Philippa and Violetta at a Window . ] Phil. Martino ? Mar. Mistrisse ? Phil. Make haste , your Master 's going . Mar. I 'm but about a wilfull murder forsooth , I le dispatch that presently . Phil. Good morrow Sir : oh that I durst say more . Fra. 'T is gone agen , since ; such are all lifes pleasures , No sooner known , but lost ; he that enjoys 'em The length of life , has but a longer dream , He wakes to this i' th end , and sees all nothing . Phil. He cannot see me now ; I le mark him better Before I be too rash : sweetly compos'd he is ; Now as he stands , he 's worth a womans love , That loves only for shape , as most on 's doe : But I must have him wise , as well as proper , He comes not in my Books else , and indeed I have thought upon a course to try his wit : Violetta . Viol. Mistrisse . Phil. Yonder 's the Gentleman agen . Viol. Oh sweet Mistrisse Pray give me leave to see him . Phil. Nay take heed , Open not the window and you love me . Viol. No , I 've the view of whole body here , Mistrisse , At this pore little slit , oh enough , enough , In troth 't is a fine out-side . Phil. I see that . Viol. Has curld his hair most judiciously well . Phil.

I ther 's thy love , now , it begins in barbarism : she buys a Goose with feathers , that loves a Gentleman for 's hair ; she may be cozend to her face Wench . Away : he takes his leave . Reach me that letter hither , quick , quick Wench .

Mar.

Nay look upon 't , and spare not : every one cannot get that kind of Warrant from me Signior . Doe you see this prick i' th bottom , it betokens powr and speed , it is a privy mark , that runs betwixt the Constables and my Mr. Those that cannot read , when they see this , know 't is for Leacherie or Murder , and this being away , the Warrant comes gelded , and insufficient .

Fra. I thank you Sir , Mar. Look you ; all these are Nihils , They want the punction . Fra. Yes , I see they doe Sir , Ther 's for thy pains , mine must goe unrewarded . The better love , the worse by fate regarded . Exit . Mar.

Well , goe thy wayes , for the sweetest Costomer that ever Penman was blest withall : now will he come for an other to morrow agen ; if he hold on this course , he will leave never a knave i' th town within this twelve month : no matter , I shal be rich enough by that time .

Phil. Martino ? Mar. Say you forsooth . Phil. What paper 's that the Gentleman let fall there ? Mar. Paper ? T is the Warrant I hope , if it be I le hide it , and make him pay for 't agen . No Pox : 't is not so happy . Phil. What i' st Sirrah ? Mar. 'T is nothing but a letter forsooth . Phil. Is that nothing ? Mar. Nothing , in respect of a Warrant Mistriss . Phil. A letter ? why 'tas been many a mans undoing Sir . Mar. So has a Warrant , and you goe to that Mistriss . Phil, Read but the superscription ; and away with 't : Alas it may concern the Gentleman neerly . Mar. Why Mistriss , this letter is at home already . Phil. At home , how mean your Sir ? Mar.

You shall hear Mistriss . To the deservingst of all her Sex , and most worthie of his best respect and love , Mrs. Philippa Brandino .

Phil. How Sir , to me ? Mar. To you Mistriss . Phil. Run , as thou lov'st my honour , and thy life , Call him agen , I le not endure this injury : But stay , stay now I think on 't , 't is my credit , I le have your Masters Counsell : ah base fellow To leave his loose lines thus ; 't is even as much As a poor honest Gentlewomans undoing , Had I not a grave wiseman to my Husband : And thou a vigilant varlet to admit Thou car'st not whom Mar. 'Las 't is my office Mistriss . You know you have a Kirtle every year , And 't is within two months of the time now ,

The velvets comming over : pray be milder ; a man that has a place must take money of any body : please you to throw me down but half a dollar , and I le make you a warrant for him now , that 's all I care for him .

Phil. Well , look you be cleer now from this foul conspiracie Against mine honour ; or your Masters love to you That makes you stout , shall not maintain you here ; It shall not : trust to 't . � Exit . Mar. This is strange to me now : Dare she doe this , and but eight weeks to New-years tide ? A man that had his blood as hot as hers now , would fit her with French Velvet : I le goe neer it . Phil. If this be a wrong to modest reputation [ Enter Brandino ( the Justice ) and [ Philippa . Be you the censurer Sir , that are the Master Both of your fame and mine . Bran. Signior Francisco ? I le make him fly the land . Mar. That will be hard Sir ; I think he be not so well feather'd Master , H 'as spent the best part of his patrimonie . Phil. Hark of his bold confederate . Bran. There thour' t bitter ; And I must chide thee now . Phil. What should I think Sir ? He comes to your man for Warrants . Brand. There it goes then ; Come hither knave : Comes he to you for Warrants ? Mar. Why , what of that Sir ? You know I give no Warrants to make Cuckolds , That comes by fortune , and by nature Sir . Bran. True , that comes by fortune , and by nature ; Wife Why do'st thou wrong this man ? Mar.

He needs no Warrant Master , that goes about such business , a Cuckold-maker carrys always his warrant about him .

Bran. La : has he answered well now ? to the full ? What cause hast thou t' abuse him ? Phil. Hear me out I pray : Through his admittance , h 'as had opportunitie To come into the house , and court me bodly . Bran. Sirrah , y' ar foul agen me thinks . Mar. Who I Sir ? Bran. You gave this man admittance intoth' th' house . Mar. That 's true Sir , you never gave me any order yet To write my Warrants i th' street . Bran. Why sure thou tak'st delight to wrong this fellow , Wife : Hah , cause I love him . Phil. Pray see the fruits : see what has left behind here : Be angry where you should be : there 's few Wives Would doe as I doe Bran. Nay I le say that for thee I ne'r found thee but honest . Phil. She 's a beast That ever was found otherwayes . Bran. Read Martino , Mine eyes are sore already , and such business Would put 'em out quite Mar. Fair , dear and incomparable Mistrisse , � Bran. Oh! every letter draws a tooth me thinks . Mar. And it leads mine to watring . Phil. Here 's no villanie ? Mar.

My love being so violent , and the opportunitie so pretious in your husbands absence to night , who as I understand takes a journy this morning .

Bran. Oh plot of villany . Phil. Am I honest think you Sir ? Bran. Exactly honest , perfectly improov'd : on , on Martino . Mar.

I will make bold dear Mistresse , though your chastity has given me many a repulse , to wait the sweet blessings of this long desired opportunitie , at the back gate , between nine and ten this night .

Bran. I feel this Ins-a-Court man in my Temples . Mar.

Where if your affection bee pleas'd to receive me , you receive the faithfullest that ever vow'd service to woman � Francisco .

Bran. I will make Francisco smart for 't . Phil. Shew him the letter , let him know , you know him ; That will torment him : all your other courses Are nothing Sir to that : that breaks his heart . Bran. The strings shall not hold long then : Come Martino . Phil. Now if Francisco have any wit at all , He comes at night ; if not , he never shall . Exeunt .
Scoena . 2. Enter FRANCISCO and RICARDO and ATTILIO . Ric.

Nay mark , mark it Francisco : It was the naturalest curtesie that ever was ordaind ; A young Gentleman being spent , to have a rich Widow set him up agen : to see how fortune has provided for all mortalities ruins ; your College for your old standing Scholer , your Hospitall for your lame creeping Souldier , your Baud for your mangled Rorer , your open house for your Beggar , and your Widow for your Gentleman : ha Francisco ?

Fra. I Sir , you may be merry : you 'r in hope of a rich Widow . Ric.

And why shouldst not thou be in hope of an other , if there were any spirit in thee , thou art as likely a fellow as any is in the company . I le be hang'd now if I doe not hit the true cause of thy sadness ; and confess truly y'faith ; thou hast some land unsold yet , I hold my life .

Fra. Mary I hope so Sir . Ric.

A Pox on t , have I found it ? 'slight away with 't with all speed man . I was never merry at heart while I had a foot : why man , Fortune never minds us , till we are left alone to our selves : for what need she take care for them , that doe nothing but take care for themselves ? why , do'st think if I had kept my lands still , I should ever have look'd after a rich Widow ? alas , I should have married some poor young Maid , got five and twenty children , and undone my self .

Fra.

I protest Sir , I should not have the face though , to come to a rich Widow with nothing

Ric.

Why , art thou so simple , as thou mak'st thy self ? do'st think y'faith I come to a rich Widow with nothing ?

Fra. I mean with state not answerable to hers . Ric. Why ther 's the fortune , man , that I talkd on ; She knows all this , and yet I am welcome to her . Fra. I , that 's strange Sir . Ric.

Nay more to pierce thy hard heart , and make thee sell thy land if thou 'st any grace : she has 'mongst others two substantiall Suters ,

One , in good time bee 't spoke , I owe much money to , She knows this too , and yet I 'm welcome to her , Nor dares the unconscionable Rascall trouble me ; Sh 'as told him thus , those that profess love to her Shall have the libertie to come and goe , Or else get him gone first ; she knows not yet Where fortune may bestow her , she 's her gift , Therefore to all will shew a kind respect . Fra. Why this is like a woman : I ha' no luck in 't . Ric. And as at a Sheriffs table , O blest custome , A poor indebted Gentleman may dine , Feed well , and without fear , and depart so , So to her lips , fearless I come and goe ? Fra. You may well boast , y' ar much the happier man Sir Ric. So you would be , and you would sell your land Sir Fra. I have heard the circumstance of your sweet fortunes : Prethee give ear to my unlucky tale now . Ric. That 's an ill hearing ; but come on for once Sir . Fra. I never yet lov'd but one Woman . Ric. Right , I begun so too ; but I have lov'd a thousand since . Fra. Pray hear me Sir ; but this is a mans wife . Ric. So has five hundred of my thousand been . Fra. Nay see and you 'l regard me . Ric. No ? you see I doe , I bring you an example in for every thing . Fra. This mans wife Ric. So you said . Fra. Seems very strict Ric. Ha , humh . Fra. Doe you laugh at that ? Ric. Seems very strict you said , I hear you man , y'faith you are so jealous still . Fra. But why should that make you laugh ? Ric. Because she seems so : you 'r such an other � Fra. Nay Sir , I think she is . Ric. You cannot tell then . Fra. I dare not aske the question I protest For fear of a repulse , which yet not having . My mind 's the quieter , and I live in hope still . Ric. Ha , hum : this 't is to be a landed man . Come , I perceive I must show you a little of my fortune , and instruct you : Not aske the question ? Fra. Me thought still she fround Sir ? Ric. Why that 's the cause fool , that she look'd so scurvily . Come , come , make me your woman , you 'l ne'r do 't else , I le shew you her condition presently .

I perceive you must begin like a young Vaulter , and get up at horse-tail , before you get into the saddle ; have you the boldness to utter your mind to me now , being but in hose and doublet ? I think if I should put on a Farthingale , thou wouldest never have the heart to do 't .

Fra. Perhaps I should not then for laughing at you Sir . Ric. In the mean time I fear I shall laugh at thee without one . Fra. Nay you must think friend , I dare speak to a woman . Ric. You shall pardon me for that friend ; I will not think it , till I see 't . Fra.

Why you shall then : I shal be glad to learn too , Of one so deep as you are .

Ric.

So you may Sir ; Now 't is my best course to look mildly , I shall put him out at first else .

Fra. A word , sweet Lady . Ric. With me Sir ? say your pleasure . Fra. O Ricardo , Thou art too good to be a woman long . Ric. Doe not find fault with this , for fear I prove Too scornfull , be content when y' ar well us'd . Fra. You say well Sir . Lady I have lov'd you long . Ric. 'T is a good hearing Sir . If he be not out now I le be hang'd . Fra.

You play a scornefull woman ? I perceive Ricardo , You have not been us'd to 'em : why I le come in at my pleasure with you : alas 't is nothing for a man to talk , when a woman gives way too 't : one shall seldome meet with a Lady so kind , as thou playdst her .

Ric.

Not altogether perhaps : he that draws their pictures must flatter 'em a little , they 'l look he that plays 'em should doo 't a great deal then .

Fra. Come , come I le play the woman , that I 'm us'd too , I see you ne'r wore shooe that pincht you yet , All your things comes on easie . Ric. Say you so Sir ? I le try your Ladiship 'faith : Lady well met . Fra. I doe not think so Sir . Ric. A scornefull Gom ,

And at the first dash too : my Widow never gave me such an answer , I le to you agen Sir .

Fairest of creatures , I doe love thee infinitely . Fra. Ther 's no body bids you Sir . Ric.

Pox on thee thou art the beastliest crossest Baggage that ever man met withall ; but I le see thee hang'd sweet Lady ere I be daunted with this : why thou' rt too awkward Sirha .

Fra. Hang thee base fellow . Ric. Now by this light , he thinks he do'st indeed , Nay then have at your plumb-tree faith , I le not be foild ,

Though you seem to be careless Madam , as you have enough wherwith all to be , yet I doe , must , and will love you .

Fra. Sir , if you begin to be rude , I le call my woman . Ric.

What a pestilent Queans this ? I shall have much adoe with her I see that ; tell me as y' ar a woman Lady , what serve kisses for ? but to stop all your mouths .

Fra. Hold , hold Ricardo . Ric. Disgrace me VVidow . Fra. Ait mad , I 'm Francisco ? Atta. Signior Ricardo , up , up . Ric. VVho is 't Francisco ? Fra. Francisco quoth a ? what are you mad Sir ? Ric.

A bots on thee , thou do'st not know what injury thou hast done me , I was i' th' fairest dream , this is your way now , and you can follow it .

Fra. 'T is a strange way me thinks . Ric. Learn you to play a woman not so scornfully then , For I am like the Actor that you spoke on , I must have the part that overcomes the Lady , I never like the Play else . � Now your friendship , But to assist a subtle trick I ha' thought on , And the rich VVidows mine within these three hours . Att. Fra. VVe should be proud of that Sir . Ric. List to me then . I le place you too , I can do 't handsomly I know the house so well , to hear the conference 'Twixt her and I , she 's a most affable one , Her words will give advantage , and I le urge 'em To the kind proof , to catch her in a Contract , Then shall you both step in as witnesses , And take her in the snare . Fra. But doe you love hir ? And then 't will prosper . Ric. By this hand I doe , Not for her wealth , but for her person too . Fra. It shal be done then . Ric. But stay , stay Francisco , Where shall we meet with thee some two hours hence now ? Fra. Why hark you Sir . Ric. Enough , command my life , Get me the widow , I le get thee the wife . [ Exit . Ricardo & Attalio . ] Fra Oh that 's now with me past hope ; yet I must love her , I would I could not do 't . [ Enter Brandino and Martino . ] Mar. Yonder 's the villain Master . Bran. Francisco ; I am happy . Mar.

Let 's both draw Mr. for ther 's no body with him ; Stay , stay Mr.

Doe not you draw till I be ready too , Let 's draw just both together , and keep ev'n . Bran. What and we kill'd him now , before he saw us ? Mar. No , then he will hardly see to read the letter . Bran. That 's true : good counsell marry . Mar.

Marry thus much Sir , You may kill him lawfully , all the while he 's a reading on 't , as an Anabaptist may lie with a Brothers wife , all the while he 's a sleep .

Bran. He turns ; he looks : Come on Sir , you , Francisco , I lov'd your father well , but you 'r a villain : He lov'd me well too ; but you love my wife Sir , After whom take you that ? I will not say Your Mother plaid false . Fra. No Sir , you were not best . Bran. But I will say , in spight of thee , my wife 's honest . Mar. And I , my Mistriss . Fra. You may , I le give you leave . Bran. Leave , or leave not , there , she defies you Sir ; Keep your adulterous sheet to wind you in , Or cover your forbidden parts at least , For fear you want one ; many a leacher may That sins in Cambrick now . Mar. And in Lawn too Master . Bran. Nay read , and tremble Sir . Mar.

Now shall I do 't Mr ? I see a piece of an open seam in his Shirt , shall I run him in there , for my Sword has ne'r a point .

Bran. No , let him foam a while . Mar.

If your Sword be no better than mine , we shall not kill him by daylight , we had need have a Lanthorn .

Bran. Talk not of Lanthorns , he 's a sturdy Lecher , He would make the horns fly about my ears . Fra. I apprehend thee : admirable woman , Which to love best I know not ; thy wit , or beauty . Bran. Now Sir , have you well viewd your bastard there , Got of your lustfull brain ? give you joy on 't . Fra. I thank you Sir , although you speak in jest , I must confess , I sent your wife this letter , And often courted her , tempted , and urg'd her . Bran. Did you so Sir ? Then first before I kill thee , I for-warn thee my house . Mar.

And I before I kill thee , for-warn thee my office ; dye to morrow next , thou never getst Warrant of me more , for love , or money .

Fra. Remember but agen , from whence I came Sir , And then I know you cannot think amiss of me . Bran. How 's this ? Mar. Pray hear him : it may grow to a peace :

For Mr. though we have carried the business nobly , we are not altogether so valiant as we should be .

Bran. Peace , thou sayst true in that : what is 't you 'ld say Sir ? Fra. Was not my Father , ( quietness be with him ) And you sworn Brothers ? Bran. Why Right : that 's it urges me . Fra. And could you have a thought that I could wrong you , As far as the deed goes ? Bran. You took the course Sir . Fra. To make you happy , and you rightly weighd it . Mar. Troth I le put up at all adventures Mr. It comes off very fair yet . Fra. You in years Married a young Maid : what do's the world judge think you ? Mar. Birlady Mr. knavishly enough I warrant you , I should doe so my self . Fra. Now to damp slander , And all her envious and suspitious brood , I made this friendly tryall of her constancy , Being Son to him you lov'd ; that now confirm'd I might advance my Sword against the world In her most fair defence , which joys my spirit . Mar. Oh Mr. let me weep while you embrace him . Bran. Francisco ; is thy fathers soul in thee ? Lives he here still ? what , will he shew himself In his male seed to me ? give me thy hand , Me thinks it feels now like thy fathers to me , Prethee forgive me . Mar. And me to , prethee . Bran. Come to my house , thy father never miss'd it . Mar. Fetch now as many Warrants as you please Sir , And welcome too . Fra. To see how soon mans goodness May be abus'd . Bran. But now I know thy intent Welcome to all that I have . Fra. Sir , I take it : A gift so given , hang him that would forsake it . Exit . Bran. Martino , I applaud my fortune , and thy Counsell . Mar. You never have ill fortune when you follow it . Here was things carried now , in the true nature of a quiet Duello ; A great strife ended , without the rough Souldier , or the � And now you may take your journy . Bran. Thou art my glee Martino . Exeunt . Finis Actus Primi .
Actus 2. Scaena 1. Enter VALERIA the Widow and a Servant . Val. SErvellio . Ser. Mistris . Val. If that fellow come agen , Answer him without me : I le not speak with him . Ser. He in the Nutmeg-colourd band forsooth . Val. I , that spic'd-Coxcomb Sir : Never may I marry agen If his right worshipfull idolatrous face Be not most fearfully painted , painted , so hope comfort me , I might perceive it peel in many places , And under 's eye , lay a betraying fowlness , As Maids sweep dust o' th' house , all to one corner , It shewd me enough there , prodigious pride That cannot but fall scornfully . I 'm a woman , Yet I praise heaven , I never had the ambition To goe about to mend a better Workman , She ever shames her self i' th' end , that do's it . He that likes me not now , as heaven made me , I will never hazard hell to doe him a pleasure ; Nor lye every night like a Woodcock in past To please some gaudy Goose i' th' morning : A wise man likes that best , that is it self , Not that which onely seems , though it look fairer ; Heaven send me one that loves me , and I 'm happy , Of whom I le make great tryall ere I have him , Though I speak all men fair , and promise sweetly , I learn that of my Suitors , 't is their own , Therefore injustice 't were to keep it from 'em . Enter RICARDO . Ric. And so as I said sweet Widow . Val. Doe you begin where you left Sir ? Ric.

I alwaies desire when I come to a Window , to begin i' th' middle of a sentence , for I presume she has a bad memory of a woman that cannot remember what goes before .

Val. Stay , stay Sir , let me look upon you well , Are not you painted too ? Ric. How , painted , Widow ? Val. Not painted Widow , I doe not use it trust me Sir . Ric. That makes me love thee . Val. I mean painted Gentleman , Or if you please to give him a greater stile Sir ; Blame me not Sir , it s a dangerous age I tell you , Poor simple dealing women had need look about 'em . Ric. But is there such a fellow in the world , Widow , As you are pleas'd to talk on ? Val. Nay , here lately Sir . Ric.

Here ? a Pox , I think I smell him , 't is Vermillion sure , ha : oil of Ben , doe but show him me Widow , and let me never hope for comfort , if I doe not immediatly gueld him , and grind his face upon one o' th' stones .

Val.

Suffices y'have exprest me your love and valour , and manly hate against that unmanly pride : but Sir , I le save you that labour , he never comes within my dore agen .

Ric.

I le love your dore the better while I know 't Widow ; a pair of such Brothers were fitter for Postes without dore indeed , to make a shew at a new-chosen Magistrates gate , than to be us'd in a Womans Chamber : No , sweet Widow , having me , y'have the truth of a man , all that you see of me , is full mine own , and what you see , or not see , shall be yours : I ever hated to be beholding to art , or to borrow any thing but money .

[ Francisco and Attilio : stand unseen . ] Val. True , and that you never use to pay agen . Ric. What matter i' st ? if you be pleas'd to do 't For me , I hold it as good . Val. Oh , soft you Sir I pray . Ric. Why ' yfaith you may and you will . Val. I know that Sir . Ric. Troth , and I would have my will then if I were as you . Ther 's few women else but has . Val.

But since I cannot hav 't in all Signior , I care not to have it in any thing .

Ric. Why you may hav 't in all , and you will Widow . Val. Pish , I would have one that loves me for my self Sir , Not for my wealth : and that I cannot have . Ric. What say you to him that do's the thing you wish for ? Val. Why here 's my hand , I le marry none but him then . Ric. Your hand , and faith . Val. My hand , and faith . Ric. 'T is I then . Val. I shal be glad on 't trust me : shrew my heart else . Ric. A match . [ Enter Francisco and Attilio . Fra. Give you joy , sweet Widow . At. Joy to you both . Val. How ? Ric. Nay , ther 's no starting now , I have you fast Widow , You 'r witness Gentlemen . Fra. Att. Wee 'l be depos'd on 't . Val. Am I betraid to this then ? then I see 'T is for my wealth ; a womans wealth 's her Traitour . Ric. 'T is for love chiefly , I protest sweet Widow , I count wealth but a fiddle to make us merry . Val. Hence . Ric. Why thou' rt mine . Val. I doe renounce it utterly . Ric. Have I not hand and faith ? Val. Sir , take your course . Ric. With all my heart ; ten courses and you will Widow . Val. Sir , Sir , I 'm not so gamesome as you think me , I le stand you out by law . Ric. By Law ? O cruell merciless woman , To talk of law , and know I have no money . Val. I will consume my self to the last stamp , Before thou gett'st me . Ric.

' Life , I le be as wilfull then too : I le rob all the Carriers in Christendome , but I le have thee , and find my Lawyers money :

I scorn to get thee under forma pauperis , I have too proud a heart , and love thee better . Val. As for you Gentlemen , I le take course against you ; You came into my house without my leave ; Your practices are cunning , and deceitfull ; I know you not , and I hope law will right me . Ric. It is sufficient that your husband knows 'em , 'T is not your business to know every man , An honest wife contents her self with one . Val. You know what you shall trust to , pray depart Sir , And take your rude confederates along with you , Or I will send for those shall force your absence : I 'm glad I found your purpose out so soon . How quickly may poor women be undone . Ric.

Lose thee ? by this hand I le fee fifteen Counsellours first , though I undoe a hundred poor men for 'em , and I le make 'em yaul one an other deaf , but I le have thee .

Val. Me ? Ric. Thee . Val. I , fret thy heart out . Exit . Fra. Were I he now I l'd see thee starve for man before I had thee . Val. Pray counsell him to that Sir , and I le pay you well . Fra. Pay me ? pay your next husband . Val. Doe not scorn 't gallant : a worse woman than I , Has paid a better man than you . Enter two old Suiters . 1 Why how now sweet Widow ? Val. Oh kind Gentlemen , I am so abus'd here . Ambo. Abus'd ? Val. What will you doe Sirs ? put up your weapons . 2 Suiter .

Nay , they 'r not so easily drawn , that I must tell you you , mine has not been out this three ears ; mary in your cause Widow , 't would not be long a drawing . Abus'd ? by whom Widow ?

Val. Nay , by a begger . 2 Suiter .

A begger ? I le have him whipt then , and sent to the house of Correction .

Val. Ricardo ? Sir . 2 Suiter .

Ricardo ? nay by 'th' masse , he 's a Gentleman begger , he 'l be hang'd before he be whipt . Why you 'l give me leave to clap him up I hope ?

Val. 'T is too good for him ; that 's the thing he would have , He would be clapt up whether I would or no methinks ; Plac'd two of his companions privatly , Unknown to me , on purpose to entrap me In my kind answers , and at last stole from me , That which I fear will put me to some trouble , A kind of verball curtesie , which his witnesses And he forsooth call by the name of contract . 1 Suiter . O politick villain , Val. But I am resolv'd Gentlemen , If the whole power of my estate can cast him , He never shall obtain me . 2 Suiter . Hold you there Widow , Well fare your heart for that y'faith . 1 Suiter . Stay , stay , stay , You broke no gold between you ? Val. We broke nothing Sir . 1 Suiter . Nor drunck to one an other ? Val. Not a drop Sir . 1 Suiter . Y' ar sure of this you speak ? Val. Most certain Sir . 1 Suiter . Be of good comfort wench , I le undertake then At mine own charge to overthrow him for thee . Val. O doe but that Sir , and you bind me to you , Here shall I try your goodness . I 'm but a woman , And alas , ignorant in Law businesses , I le bear the charge most willingly . 1 Suiter . Not a penny , Thy love will reward me . Val. And where love must be , It is all but one purse now I think on 't . 1 Suiter . All comes to one , sweet Widow . 2 Suiter . Are you so forward ? 1 Suiter . I know his mates Attilio and Francisco , I le get out process and and attach 'em all , Wee 'l begin first with them . Val. I like that , strangely . 1 Suiter . I have a daughter run away I thank her , I le be a scourge to all youth for her sake : Some of 'em has got her up . Val. Your daughter ? what Sir ? Martia . 1 Suiter . I a shake wed her , I would have married her to a wealthie Gentleman , No older than my self , she was like to be shrewdly hurt Widow . Val. It was too happy for her . 1 Suiter . I 'm of thy mind . Farewell sweet Widow , I le about this strait , I le have 'em all three put into one Writ , And so save charges . Val. How I love your providence . Exit . 1 Suiter . 2 Suiter . Is my Nose board ? I le cross ye both for this , Although it cost me as much o' th' other side , I have enough , and I will have my humour . I may get out of her , what may undoe her too ; Hark you sweet Widow , you must now take heed , You be of a sure ground , hee 'l overthrow your else . Val. Marry fair hope forbid . 2 Suiter .

That will he : mary le' me see , le' me see : pray how far past it between you and Ricardo ?

Val. Farther Sir Than I would now it had , but I hope well yet . 2 Suiter . Pray let me hear 't : I 've a shrewd ghesse o' th' Law . Val. Faith Sir , I rashly gave my hand and faith To marry none but him . 2 Suiter . Indeed ? Val. I , trust me Sir . 2 Suiter . I 'm very glad on 't , I 'm an other witness , And he shall have you now . Val. What said you Sir . 2 Suiter . He shall not want money in an honest cause Widow , I know I have enough , and I will have my humour . Val. Are all the world betrayers . 2 Suiter . Pish , pish , Widow . Y'have borne me in hand this three months , and now fobd me I 've known the time when I could please a woman , I le not be laught at now ; when I 'm crost , I 'm a Tiger ; I have enough , and I will have my humour . Val. This only shows your malice to me Sir , The world knows you ha' small reason to help him , So much in your debt already . 2 Suiter . Therefore I do 't , I have no way but that to help my self ; Though I lose you , I will not lose all Widow ; He marrying you , as I will follow 't for him , I le make you pay his debts , or lye without him . Val. I lookd for this from you . Exit . 2 Suiter . I ha' not deceiv'd you then : Fret , vex , and chafe , I 'm obstinate where I take . I le seek him out , and cheer him up , against her , I ha' no charge at all , no child of mine own , But two I got once of a scowring woman , And they 'r both well provided for , they 'r i' th' Hospitall : I have ten thousand pound to bury me , and I will have my humour . Exit .
Scaena 2. Enter FRANCISCO . Fra. A man must have a time to serve his pleasure , As well as his dear Friend , I 'm forc'd to steal from 'em , To get this night of sport for mine own use : What says her amiable witty letter here ? 'Twixt nine and ten , now 't is 'twixt six and seaven , As fit as can be ; he that follows Lecherie , Leaves all at six and seaven , and so doe I me thinks : Sun sets at eight , it s 'bove an hour high yet , Some fifteen mile have I before I reach her , But I 've an excellent horse ; and a good gallop , [ Enter 1 Suiter with Officers . ] Helps man as much as a provoking Banquet . 1 Suiter . Here 's one of 'em , begin with him first Officers . Officer . By vertue of this writ we attach your body Sir . Fra. My body ? 'life , for what ? 1 Suiter . Hold him fast Officers . Officer The least of us can do 't , now his Sword 's off Sir , We have a trick of hanging upon Gentlemen , We never lose a man . Fra. O treacherous fortune , Why what 's the cause ? 1 Suiter . The Widow's business Sir , I hope you know me ? Fra. For a busie Coxcomb , This fifteen year , I take it . 1 Suiter . Oh y' ar mad Sir , Simple though you make me , I stand for the Widow . Fra. She 's simply stood for then : what 's this to me Sir , Or she , or you , or any of these flesh-hooks ? 1 Suiter . Y' ar like to find good bayl before you leave us , Or lye till the Suit 's tride . Fra. O my loves misery . 1 Suiter .

I 'm put in trust to follow 't , and I le do 't with all severitie ;

Build upon that Sir . [ Enter Ricardo and Attillio . ] Fra. How I would curss my self . Ric. Look , here 's Francisco , Will you believe me , now you see his qualities ? Attilio . 'T is strange to me . Ric. I tell you 't is his fashion , He never stole away in 's life from me , But still I found him in such scurvie Companie ; A pox on thee Francisco wilt never leave thy old Tricks , are these lowsy Companions for thee ? Fra. Pish , pish , pish . 1 Suiter . Here they be all three now : ' prehend 'em Officers . Ric. What 's this ? Fra. I gave you warning enough to make away , I 'm in for the Widows business , so are you now . Ric.

What , all three in a nooze ? this is like a Widows business indeed .

1 Suiter . Sh 'as catchd you Gentlemen , as you catchd her , The Widow means now , to begin with you Sir . Ric.

I thank her heartily , sh 'as taught me wit : for had I been any but an ass , I should ha' begun with her indeed : by this light , the Widows a notable House-wife , she bestirs her self , I have a greater mind to her now than e'r I had : I cannot goe to prison for one I love better I protest , that 's one good comfort , And what are you I pray Sir , for a Coxcomb ?

1 Suiter . It seems you know me by your anger Sir . Ric. I 've a neer ghess at you Sir . 1 Suiter . Ghess what you please Sir , I 'm he ordaind to trounce you , and indeed I am the man must carry her . Ric. I , to me . But I le swear she 's a beast , and she carry thee . 1 Suiter . Come , wher 's your Bail Sir , quickly , or away . Ric. Sir , I 'm held wrongfully , my Bayl 's taken already . 1 Suiter . Where i' st Sir , where ? [ Enter 2 Suiter . ] Ric.

Here they be both : pox on you , they were taken before I 'd need of 'em , and you be honest Officers let 's Bail one another , for by this hand , I doe not know who will else : � ' odds ' light is he come too ? I 'm in for midnight then , I shall never find the way out agen : my debts , my debts :

I 'm like to dye i' th' hole now . 1 Suiter . We have him fast old Signior , and his Consorts , Now you may lay action on action on him . 2 Suiter . That may I Sir , y'faith . 1 Suiter . And I 'ld not spare him Sir . 2 Suiter . Know you me Officers ? Officer . Your bounteous worship Sir . Ric. I know the rascall so well , I dare not look upon him . 2 Suiter . Upon my worth deliver me that Gentleman . Fra. Which Gentleman ? 2 Suiter . Not you Sir , y' ar too hastie ; No , nor you neither Sir : pray stay your time . Ric. Ther 's all but I now , and I dare not think he means me . 2 Suiter . Deliver me Ricardo . Ric. O sure he lyes . Or else I doe not hear well . Officer . Signior Ricardo . Ric. Well , what 's the matter ? you may goe , who let 's you ? Officer . It is his worships pleasure Sir to Bayl you . Ric. Bayl me ? 2 Suiter . I will , I Sir , look in my face man , Thou 'st a good cause , thou l't pay me when thour' t able ? Ric. I , every penny , as I am a Gentleman . 2 Suiter . No matter if thou do'st not , then , I le make thee , And that 's as good at all times . 1 Suiter . But I pray Sir , You goe against the Hair there . 2 Suiter . Against the Widow you mean Sir , Why 't is my purpose truly , and against you too , I saw your politick Combination , I was thrust out between you : here stands one Shall doe as much for you , and he stands rightest , His cause is strong and fair , nor shall he want Money , or means , or friends , but he shall have her , I 've enough , and I will have my humour . 1 Suiter . Hang thee ; I have a purss as good as thine . Ric. I think they 'r much alike , they 'r rich knaves both . ' Heart , and I take your rayling at my Patron Sir , I le cramp your joynts . 2 Suiter . Let him alone sweet honey , I thank thee for thy love though . Ric. This is wonderfull . Fra. Oh Ricardo , 'T is seaven , struck in my pocket : I lose time now . Ric. What sayst Francisco ? Fra. I ha' mighty business , That I ne'r thought on : get me Baild , I 'm spoild else . Ric. Why you know , 't is such a strange miraculous curtesie , I dare not be too forward , to aske more of him , For fear he repent this , and turn me in agen . Fra. Doe somewhat and you love me . Ric. I le make tryall 'faith May 't please you Sir : � 'life if I should spoil all now ? 2 Suiter . What sayst Ricardo ? Ric. Only a thing by 'th' way Sir , Use your own pleasure . 2 Suiter . That I like well from thee . Ric. 'T were good , and those two Gentlemen were Bayld too , They 'r both my witnesses . 2 Suiter . They 'r well , they 'r well : And they were Bayld , we know not where to find 'em , Let 'em goe to prison , they 'l be forth-comming the better , I have enough , and I will have my humour . Ric. I knew there was no more good to be done upon him , 'T is well I 've this , heav'n knows I never lookt for 't . Fra. What plaguy luck had I to be ensnar'd thus ? Officer . O , patience . [ Enter Brandino and Martino . ] Fra. Pox O your comfortable ignorance . Bran. Martino , we ride slow . Mar. But we ride sure Sir , Your hastie riders often come short home Mr. Bran. 'Bless this fair companie . Fra. Here he 's agen too , I am both sham'd , and cross'd . Bran. See'st thou who 's yonder , Martino ? Mar. We ride slow , I le be sworn now Mr. Bran. How now Francisco , art thou got before me ? Fra. Yes , thank my fortune , I am got before you . Bran. What no ? in hold ? Ric. I , o' my troth poor Gentleman , Your worship Sir , may doe a good deed to Bayl him . Bran. Why doe not you do 't then ? Mar. La you Sir now , my Mr. h 'as that honestie He 's loth to take a good deed from you Sir . Ric. I le tell you why I cannot , else I would Sir . Fra. Luck I beseech thee , If he should be wrought to Bail me now , to goe to His wife , 't were happiness beyond expression . Bran. A matter but of controversie . Ric. That 's all , trust me Sir . Bran. Francisco shall ne'r lye for 't ; he 's my friend , And I will Bayl him . Mar. He 's your secret friend Mr. Think upon that . Bran. Give him his liberty Officers , Upon my perill , he shal be forth comming . Fra. How I am bound to you ? 1 Suiter . Know you whom you cross Sir ? 'T is at your Sisters sute , be well advis'd Sir , Bran. How , at my Sisters sute ? take him agen then . Fra. Why Sir , doe you refuse me ? Bran. I le not hear thee . Rich. This is unkindly done sir . 1 suter . 'T is wisely done sir . 2 suter . Well shot , foul malice . 1 suter . Flattery stinks worse sir . Ric. You 'l never leave till I make you stink as bad sir . Fran. Oh Martino , have I this for my late kindness ? Mar. Alas poor Gentleman , dost complain to me ? Thou shalt not fare the worse for 't : Hark you Master , Your sisters sute said you ? Bran. I sir , my wifes sister . Mar. And shall that dant you Master ? think agen , Why wer 't your mothers sute ; your mothers sute , Mark what I say , the dearest sute of all sutes , You 'r bound in conscience sir to bayl this Gentleman . Bra. Yea , am I so , how proov'st thou that Martino ? Mar. Have you forgot so soon , what he did lately ? Has he not tri'd your wife to your hand master ? To cut the throat of slander and suspition ; And can you do too much for such a man ? Shall it be said , I serve an ingratfull master ? Bran. Never Martino ; I will bayl him now , And 't were at my wives sute . Fra. 'T is like to be so . Mar. And I his friend , to follow your example Mr. Fra. Precious Martino . 1 suter . Y 'ave done wondrous well sir . Your sister shall give you thanks . Ric. This makes him mad sir . 2 suter . Wee 'l follow 't now toth ' proof . 1 suter . Follow your humour out , The widdow shall find friends . 2 suter . And so shall he sir , Mony and means . Ric. Hear you me that old huddle . 2 suter . Mind him not , follow me and I le supply thee , Thou shalt give all thy Lawyers double fees , I 've burryed mony enough to burry me , And I will have my humour . Exit . Bran. Fare thee well once again my dear Francisco , I prethee use my house . Fran. It is my purpose sir . Bran. Nay you must do 't then ; though I am old , I 'm free . Exit Mar. And when you want a warrant , come to me . Exit . Fra. That will be shortly now , within this few hours . This fell out strangely happy . Now to horse , I shall be nighted ; but an hour or two Never breaks square in love ; he comes in time That comes at all ; absence is all loves crime . Exit . Finis Actus Secundi .
Actus 3. Scaena 1. Enter OCCULTO , SILVIO , and two or three other Thieves . Occulto . COme , come , let 's watch th' event on yonder hill , If he need help , we can releive him sudainly . Sil. I , and with safetie too , the hill being watcht Sir . Occ. Have you the Blew cotes and the Beards ? Sil. They 'r here Sir . Occ. Come , come away then , a fine Cock shoot evening . Exit . Enter Latrocinio the chief Thief , and Ansoldo . La. sings . Kuck before , and Kuck behind , &c. Ans. Troth y' ar the merriest , and delightfulst company Sir , That ever Traveller was blest withall , I praise my fortune that I overtook you Sir . La. Pish , I 've a hundred of 'em . Ans. And beleeve me Sir , I 'm infinitely taken with such things . La. I see ther 's musick in you , you kept time me thought Prety and handsomly with your little hand there . Ans. It only shews desire , but troth , no skill Sir . La. Well , while our horses walk down yonder hill Sir , I le have an other for you . Ans. It rids way pleasantly . La. Le' me see now : one confounds an other sir , Y'have heard this certainly : Come my daintie Doxes . Ans. Oh , that 's all the Country over sir , Ther 's scarce a Gentlewoman , but has that prickt . La. Well , here comes one I 'm sure you never heard then . Song . I keep my Horse , I keep my Whore , I take no Rents , yet am not poor ; I traverse all the Land about , And yet was born to never a foot : With Partridge plump , with Woodcock fine I doe at midnight often dine ; And if my Whore be not in case , My Hostesse daughter h 'as her place ; The Maids sit up , and watch their turns , If I stay long the Tapster mourns ; The Cook-maid has no mind to sin , Though tempted by the Chamber lin ; But when I knock , oh how they bustle , The Ostler yawns , the Geldings justle . If Maid but sleep , oh how they curse hir ! And all this comes of , Deliver your purse sir . Ans. How Sir ? La. Few words : quickly come , deliver your purse sir . Ans. Y' ar not that kind of Gentleman , I hope sir , To sing me out of my money ? La. 'T is most fit Art should be rewarded : you must pay your Musick sir Where ere you come . Ans. But not at your own carving . La. Nor am I co�mon in 't : Come , come your purse sir . Ans. Say it should prove the undoing of a Gentleman ? La. Why sir , doe you looke for more conscience in us , than In Usurers ? young gentleman , y'have small reason for that y'faith . Ans. There 't is , and all I have ; and so truth comfort me , All I know where to have . La. Sir , that 's not written In my belief yet ; search , 't is a fine evening , Your horse can take no harm : I must have more sir . Ans. May my hopes perish , if you have not all sir , And more I know than your compassionate charitie Would keep from me , if you but felt my wants . Ans. Search , and that speedily : if I take you in hand , You 'l find me rough , me thinks men should be rul'd , When they 'r so kindly spoke too , fy upon 't . Ans. Good fortune , and my wit assist me then , A thing I took in haste , and never thought on 't : Look sir , I 've search'd , here 's all that I can find , And you 'r so covetous , you will have all you say , And I 'm content you shall , being kindly spoke too . La. A pox o' that young devill of a handfull long . That ' as fraid many a tall thief from a rich purchase . Ans. This , and my money sir , keeps company ; Where one goes , th' other must ; assure your soul They vow'd never to part . La. Hold , I beseech you sir . Ans. You rob a prisoners box , and you rob me , sir . La. There 't is agen . Ans. I knew 't would never prosper with you ; Fy , rob a younger Brother , oh take heed sir , 'T is against nature that , perhaps your Father Was one sir , or your Uncle , it should seem so By the small means was left you , and lesse manners . Goe , keep you still before me , and do you hear me ; To passe away the time to the next Town , I charge you sir , sing all your Songs for nothing � Lat. Oh horrible punishment . � A Song : [ Enter Stratio . ] Stra. Honest Gentleman . Ans. How now , what art thou ? Stra. Stand you in need of help ? I made all haste I could , my Master charg'd me . A Knight of worship ; he saw you first assaulted . From top of yonder hill . Ans. Thanks honest friend . La. I taste this trick already . � Exit . Stra. Look , hee 's gone sir , Shall he be stop'd ; what is he ? Ans. Let him goe sir ; He can rejoyce in nothing , that 's the comfort . Stra. You have your purse still then ? Ans. I , thanks fair fortune , And this grym handfull . Stra. We were all so fraid o' you , How my good Lady cri'd O help the gentleman , 'T is a good woman that : but you 'r too mild sir , You should ha' markt him for a villain 'faith Before h 'ad gone , having so sound a means too . Ans. Why there 's the jest man ; he had once my purse . Stra. Oh villain , would you let him scape unmasacred ? Ans. Nay , hear me sir , I made him yield it streight agen , And so hope blesse me , with an uncharg'd Pistoll . Stra. 'Troth I should laugh at that . Ans. It was discharg'd Sir , Before I medled with 't . Stra. I 'me glad to hear 't . Ans. Why how now , What 's your will ? Stra. Hoh , Latrocinio , Occulto , Silvio . � [ Enter Latrocinio and the rest , Occulto , Silvio , Fiducio . ] La. What are you caught sir ? Stra. The Pistoll cannot speak . La. He was too young , I ever thought he could not ; yet I fear'd him . Ans. Y'have found out waies too merciless to betray Under the veil of friendship , and of charitie . La. Away sirs , bear him in to th' next Cops , and strip him . Stra. Brandino's Copps , the Justice ? La. Best of all sit , a man of law ? A Spider lies unsuspected in the corner of a buckeram bag , man . Ans. What seek you sirs ? take all and use no crueltie , La. You shall have Songs enough . Song . How round the world goes , and every thing that 's in it , The Tydes of gold and silver , ebb and flow in a minute : From the Usurer to his Sons , there a current swiftly runs , From the Sons to Queans in chief , from the gallant to the Thief , From the Thief unto his Host , from the Host to Husband-men ; From the Country to the Court , and so it comes to us agen . How round the world goes , and every thing that 's in it , The Tides of gold and silver , ebb and flow in a minute . Exeunt . Enter PHILIPP A and VIOLETTA above at the Window . Phil. What time of night is 't ? Viol. Time of night doe you call 't ? It s so late , 't is almost early Mistriss . Phil. Fy on him , ther 's no looking for him then ; Why sure this Gentleman apprehends me not . Viol. 'T is happy then y' ar rid of such a fool Mistriss . Phil. Nay sure Wench , if he find me not out in this Which were a beaten path to any wiseman , I le never trust him with my reputation ; Therefore I made this tryall of his wit , If he cannot conceive what 's good for himself , He will worse understand what 's good for me . Viol. But suppose Mrs. as it may be likely , He never saw your letter ? Phil. How thou plyest me , With suppositions ? why I tell thee wench , T is equally as impossible for my husband To keep it from him , as to be young agen , Or as his first wife knew him , which he brags on For bearing children by him . Viol. Ther 's no remedy then , I must conclude Francisco is an Ass . Phil. I would my letter , wench , were here agen , I 'ld know him wiser ere I sent him one ; And travail some five year first . Viol. So h 'ad need methinks , To understand the words , methinks the words Themselves should make him do 't , had he but the perseverance Of a Cock sparrow , that will come at philip , And can nor write , nor read poor fool , this Coxcomb He can doe both , and your names but Philippa , And yet to see , if he can come when 's calld , Phil. He never shall be calld agen for me sirha . Well , as hard as the world goes , wee 'l have a Song wench , Wee 'l not sit up for nothing . Viol. That 's poor comfort though . Phil.

Better then any 's brought , for ought I see yet ? So set to your Lute .

Song . 1 If in this question I propound to thee Be any , any choice , Let me have thy voice . 2 You shall most free . I Which hadst thou rather be If thou might choose thy life , A Fools , a fools Mistriss , Or an old mans wife ? 2 The choice is hard , I know not which is best , One ill y' ar bound too , and I think that 's least . 1 But being not bound , my dearest sweet , I could shake off the other . 2 Then as you lose your sport by one , You lose your name by t'other . 1 You counsell well , but love refuses , What good counsell often chooses . [ Enter Ansaldo in his Shirt . ] Ans. I ha' got my self unbound yet : merciless villains , I never felt such hardness since life dwelt in me ; 'T is for my sins : That light in yonder Window That was my only comfort in the woods , Which oft the trembling of a leaf would lose me , Has brought me thus far , yet I cannot hope For succour in this plight , the world 's so pittiless , And every one will fear or doubt me now : To knock will be to bold , I le to the gate , And listen if I can hear any stirring . [ Enter Francisco . Fra. Was ever man so cross'd ? no 't is but sweat sure , Or the dew dropping from the leaves above me , I thought ' thad bled agen : these wenching businesses Are strange unlucky things , and fatall fooleries , No mar'l so many gallants die ere thirtie , 'T is able to vex out a mans heart in five year , The crosses that belong to 't : first arrested , That set me back two mangey hours at least , Yet that 's a thing my heat could have forgiv'n , Because arresting , in what kind soever , Is a most Gentleman-like affliction : But here , within a mile o' th' town forsooth , And two mile off this place , when a mans oath Might ha' been taken for his own securitie , And his thoughts brisk , and set upon the business , To light upon a roguy flight of Thieves , Pox on 'em , here 's the length of one of their whistles , But one of my dear Rascals , I pursued so , The Gaol has him , and he shall bring ou' ts fellows : Had ever young mans love such crooked fortune ? I 'm glad I 'm so neer yet ; the Surgeon bad me too Have a great care ; I shall never think of that now . Ans. One of the Theeves come back agen ? I le stand close ; He dares not wrong me now , so neer the house , And call in vain 't is , till I see him offer 't . Fra. ' Life , what should that be ? a prodigious thing Stands just as I should enter , in that shape too , Which alwaies appears terrible . What ere it be , it is made strong against me By my ill purpose . For 't is mans own sin That puts on armor upon all his evils , And gives them strength to strike him : were it less Then what it is , my guilt would make it serve ; A wicked mans own shadow has distracted him : Were this a business now to save an honour , As 't is to spoil one , I would pass this then Stuck all hels horrors i' thee : now I dare not . Why may 't not be the spirit of my Father That lov'd this man so well , whom I make haste Now to abuse ? And I have been cross'd about it Most fearfully hitherto , if I well think on 't ; Scap'd death but lately too , nay most miraculously ; And what do's fond man venture all these ills for , That may so sweetly rest in honest peace ? For that which being obtaind , is as he was To his own sence but remov'd neerer still To death eternall : what delight has man Now at this present , for his pleasant sin Of yesterdaies committing ? 'las , 't is vanish'd , And nothing but the sting remains within him . The kind man baild me too ; I will not do 't now And 't were but only that : how blest were man , Might he but have his end appear still to him , That he might read his actions i' th' event ? 'T would make him write true , though he never meant . Whose Check so ere thou art , Fathers , or Friends , Or Enemies , I thank thee , peace require thee ; Light , and the lighter Mistris both farewell . He keeps his promise best that breaks with hell . .. Exit . Ans. He 's gone to call the rest , and makes all speed , I le knock what ere befalls , to please my fears , For no compassion can be lesse than theirs . Phil. He 's come , he 's come ; oh are you come at last sir ? Make little noise , away , he 'll knock agen els . Ans. I should have bin at I stria by day-break too , Neer to Valerias house the wealthy Widowes , There waites one purposely to doe me good . What will become of me ? [ Enter Violetta . ] Viol. Oh , y' ar a sweet Gallant , this your hour ? Give me your hand ; come , come sir , follow me , I le bring you to light presently : softly , softly sir . Exeunt . [ Ent. Philippa below . ] Phil. I should ha' given him up to all my thoughts The dullest young man , if he had not found it ; So short of apprehension , and so worthless , He were not fit for womans fellowship ; I 've been at cost too for a Banket for him ; Why 't would ha' kill'd my heart , and moste specially To think that man should ha' no more conceit ; I should ha' thought the worse on 's wit for ever , And blam'd mine own for too much forwardness . [ Enter Violetta . ] Viol. Oh Mistris , Mistris . Phil. How now , what 's the news ? Viol. Oh , I was out of my wits for a minute and a half . Phil. Hah ? Viol. They are scarce setled yet Mistris . Phil. What 's the matter ? Viol. Doe you ask that seriously ? Did you not hear me squeak ? Phil. How ? sure thou' rt out of thy wits indeed . Viol. Oh , I 'm well now , To what I was Mistris . Phil. Why where 's the gentleman ? Viol. The gentleman's forth-comming , and a lovely one , But not Francisco . Phil. What sai'st , not Francisco ? Viol. Pish , hee 's a coxcomb , think not on him Mistris . Phil. What 's all this ? Viol. I 'ave often heard you say , ye 'ad rather have A wise man in his shirt than a Fool featherd , And now fortune has sent you one , a sweet young gentleman , Rob'd ev'n to nothing but what first he brought with him , The slaves had stript him to th' very shirt Mistris , I think it was a shirt , I know not well , For Gallants wear both now adayes . Phil. This is strange . Viol. But for a face , a hand , and as much skin As I durst look upon , hee 's a most sweet one ; Francisco is a child of Egypt to him : I could not but in pitty to th' poor gentleman , Fetch him down one of my old Masters Suits . Phil. 'T was charitably done , Viol. You 'ld say Mistris , if you had seen him as I did . Sweet youth , I le be sworn Mistris hee 's the loveliest Proper'st young gentleman , and so you 'l say your self , If my Masters clothes do not spoil him , that 's all the fear now , I would 't had been your luck to have seen him Without 'em , but for scarring on you . Phil. Go , pre'thee fetch him in whom thou co�mend'st so , Exit Viol Since fortune sends him surely wee 'll make much on him ; And better he deserves our love , and welcome , Than the respectless fellow 't was prepar'd for ; Yet if he please mine ese never so happily , I will have tryall of his wit , and faith , Before I make him partner with my honour , 'T was just Francisco's case , and he deceiv'd me ; I le take more heed o' th' next for 't ; perhaps now To furnish his distress , he will appear Full of fair promising Courtship ; but I le prove him then For a next meeting , when he needs me not , And see what he performs then when the storm Of his so rude misfortunes is blown over , And he himself agen : A distrest mans flatteries Are like vowes made in drink , or bonds in prison , There 's poor assurance in 'em : when hee 's from me , And in 's own powr , then I shall see his love . [ Enter ANSALDO and VIOLETTA . ] 'Masse here he comes . Ans. Never was star-cross'd gentleman More happy in a curteous virgins love , Than I in yours . Viol. I 'm sorry they 'r no better for you , I wish'd 'em hansomer , and more in fashion , But truly Sir , our house affords it not : There is a Suit of our Clerks , hangs i' th' garret , But that 's far worse than this , if I may judge With modestie of mens matters . Ans. I deserve not This , dear , and kind gentlewoman , is yond' your Mistris ? Phil. Why trust me , here 's my Husband young agen , It is no sin to welcome you , Sweet gentleman . Ans. I am so much indebted , curteous Lady , To the unmatched charitie of your house , My thanks are such poor things they would but shame me . Phil. Beshrew thy heart for bringing o' him : I fear me I have found wit enough already in him , If I could truly but resolve my self My husband was thus handsome at nineteen , 'Troth I should think the better of him at fourscore now . Viol. Nay Mistris , what would he be , were he in fashion , A hempen curse on those that put him out on 't , That now appears so handsome , and so comely in clothes Able to make a man an unbeleever , And good for nothing but for shift , or so If a man chance to fall i' th' ditch with better ? This is the best , that ever I mark'd in 'em , A man may make him ready in such clothes Without a candle . Phil. I for shame of himself Wench . Viol. My Master do's it oft in winter mornings , And never sees himself till he be ready . Phil. No , nor then neither , as he should do Wench . I am sorry gentle Sir , we cannot shew you A curtesie , in all points answerable To your undoubted worth : your name I crave sir . Ans. Ansaldo , Lady . Phil. 'T is a noble name Sir . Ans. The most unfortunate now . Viol. So doe I think truly As long as that Suites on . Phil. The most unfitting , And unprovidest sir of all our curtesies , I doe presume is that y'have past already , Your pardon but for that , and wee 'r encourag'd . Ans. My faithfull service , Lady . Phil. Please you Sir To taste the next a poor slight Bancket , for sure I think you were Unluckily prevented of your supper sir . Ans. My fortune makes me more than amends Lady , In your sweet kindnesse , which so nobly shown to me , It makes me bold to speak my occasions to you : I am this morning , that with cleerness now So chearfully hastens me , to meet a Friend Upon my states establishing , and the place Ten mile from hence : oh , I am forc'd unwillingly To crave your leave for 't , which done I return In service plentifull . Phil. Is 't so important ? Ans. If I should fail , as much as my undoing . Phil. I think too well of you , to undo you sir , Upon this small acquaintance . Ans. My great happiness . Phil. But when should I be sure of you here agen sir ? Ans. As fast as speed can possibly return me . Phil. You will not fail ? Ans. May never wish goe well with me then . Phil. There 's to bear charges sir . Ans. Curtesie dwells in you . I brought my horse up with me from the woods , That 's all the good they left me , 'gainst their wils too , May your kind breast never want comfort Lady , But still supply'd , as liberally as you give . Phil. Farewell sir , and be faithfull . Ans. Time shall prove me . Exit Ans. Phil. In my opinion now , this young mans likeliest To keep his word , he 's modest , wise , and curteous ; He has the language of an honest soul in him : A womans reputation may lye safe there , I 'm much deceiv'd else , h 'as a faithfull eye If it be well observ'd . Viol. Good speed be with thee sir ; He puts him to 't y'faith . Phil. Violetta . Viol. Mistriss . Phil. Alas , what have we done wench ? Viol. What 's the matter Mistriss ? Phil. Run , run , call him agen ; he must stay tell him ; Though it be upon 's undoing , wee 'r undone else , Your Masters cloaths , their known the Country over . Viol. Now by this light that 's true , and well remembred , But ther 's no calling of him , he 's out of sight now . Phil. Oh what will people think ? Viol. What can they think Mistriss ? The Gentleman has the worst on 't : were I he now I 'ld make this ten mile , forty mile about Before I l'd ride through any market town with 'em . Phil. Will he be carefull think'st ? Viol. My life for yours Mistriss . Phil. I shall long mightily to see him agen . Viol. And so shall I , I shall nev'r laugh till then . Exeunt . Finis Actus Tertii .
Actus 4. Scaena 1. Enter RICARDO and 2 Suter at one dore , and VALERIA , and 1 Suter at another dore . Ric. IT goes well hitherto , my sweet Protector . 2 Suter . I , and shall still to th' end , to th' end my honey , Wherefore have I enough , but to hav 't goe well sir ? 1 Suter . My whole State on 't ; thou overthrowst him Widow . Val. I hope well still sir . 1 Suter . Hope ? be certain Wench : I make no question now , but thou art mine , As sure as if I had thee in thy night-geer . Val. By 'r Lady , that I doubt Sir . 1 Suter . Oh 't is cleer wench By one thing that I markt . Val. What 's that good sweet sir ? 1 Suter . A thing that never faild me . Val. Good sir , what ? 1 Suter . I heard our Counsellour speak a word of comfort Invita voluntate , hah , that 's he wench , The word of words , the precious chiefy's faith . Val. Invita voluntate , what 's the meaning sir ? 1 Suter . Nay there I leave you , but assure you thus much , I never heard him speak that word i' my life , But the cause went on 's side , that I market ever . 2 Suter . Doe , doe , and spare not : thou wouldst talk with her . Ric. Yes , with your leave , and liking . 2 Suter . Doe , my adoption , My chosen child , and thou holdst so obedient Sure thou wilt live , and cozen all my kindred . Ric. A Childs part in your love , that 's my ambition sir . 2 Suter . Goe , and deserve it then : please me well now ; I love wrangling a life Boy ; ther 's my delight , I have no other venery but vexation , That 's all my honey now : smartly now to her , I 've enough and I will have my humour . Ric. This need not ha' been Widow . Val. You say right sir . No , nor your treacherie , your close conspiracie Against me for my wealth , need not ha' been neither . Ric. I had your fairly , I scorn treacherie To your woman that I never ment to marry , Much more to you whom I reserv'd for wife . Val. How , wise ? Ric. I , Wife , Wife , Widow , be not ashamd on 't , It 's the best calling ever woman came to , And all your grace indeed , brag as you list . 2 Suter . Ha , ha . Val. I grant you sir , But not to be your wife . 1 Suter . Oh , oh . Ric. Not mine ? I think 't is the best bargain That ere thou mad'st i' thy life , or ever shall agen , When my heads laid : but that 's not yet this threescore year , Let 's talk of neerer matters . Val. Y' ar as neer sir As ere y' ar like to be , if Law can right me . Ric. Now before conscience , y' ar a wilfull housewife . Val. How ? Ric. I , and I fear you spend my goods lavishly . Val. Your goods ? Ric. I shall miss much I doubt me , When I come to look over the Inventorie . Val. I le give you my word you shall sir . Ric. Look too 't Widow , A night may come will call you to accompt for 't . Val. Oh if you had me now sir in this heat I doe but think how youl 'd be reveng'd on me . Ric. I , may I perish else ; if I would not get Three Children at a birth , and I could o' thee . 1 Suter . Take off your yongster there . 2 Suter . Take off your Widow first , He shall have the last word , I pay for 't dearly ; To her agen sweet Boy , that sides the weaker . I have enough , and I will have my humor . [ Enter Brandino and Martino . ] Val. O Brother see I 'm up to th' ears in law here ; Look , Copy upon Copie . Bra. 'T were grief enough if a man did but hear on 't But I 'm in pain to see 't . Val. What sore eys still Brother ? Bra. Worse , and worse Sister ; the old womans water Do's me no good . Val. Why , 't 'as helpt many sir . Bra. It helps not me I 'm sure � Marti , Oh , oh . Val. What ayls Martino too ? Mar. Oh , oh , the tooth-ach , the tooth-ach . Bra. Ah poor worm , this he endures for me now . There beats not a more mutuall pulse of passion , In a kind husband when his wife breeds child , Than in Martino ; I ha' mark't it ever , He breeds all my pains in 's teeth still : and to quit me , It is his eye-tooth too . Mar. I , I , I , I . Val. Where did I hear late of a skilfull fellow , Good for all kind of Malladies ? true , true sir , His flag hangs out in town here , i' th' Cross Inn , With admirable cures of all conditions , It shews him a great travelling , and learnd Emperick . Fra. Wee 'll both to him Martino . Val. Hark you Brother , Perhaps you may prevail , as one indifferent . 1 Suter . I , about that sweet Widow . Val. True ; speak low sir . Bra. Well , what 's the business , say , say . Val. Mary this Brother . Call the young man aside , from the old Woolf there , And whisper in his ear a thousand dollars If he will vanish , and let fall the Sute , And never put 's to no more cost and trouble . 1 Suter . Say me those words good sir , I le make 'em worth A chain of gold to you , at your Sisters wedding . [ Enter Violetta . ] Bra. I shall doe much for that . Val. Welcome sweet heart , Thou com'st most happily , I 'm bold to send for thee To make a purpose good . Viol. I take delight forsooth In any such employment . 1 Suter . ' Good wench trust me Ric. How Sir , let fall the Sute ? 'life I le goe naked first . Bra. A thousand Dollars sir , think upon them . Ric. Why they 'r but a thousand Dollars , when they 'r thought on . Bra. A good round summe . Ric. A good round Widow 's better , There 's meat and money too . I have been bought Out of my lands , and yielded , but ( sir ) scorn To be bought out of my affection . Bra. Why here 's ev'n just my Universitie spirit , I priz'd a piece of red Deer , above gold then . Ric. My Patron would be mad , and he should hear on 't . Mar. I pray what 's good Sir , for a wicked tooth ? Ric. Hang'd , drawn , and quartring ; is 't a hollow one ? Mar. I 't is a hollow one . Ric. Then take the powder Of a burnt Warrant , mixt with oil of Felon . Mar. Why sure you mock me . Ric. 'Troth I think I doe sir . 2. Suter . Come hither honey ; What 's the news in whispers ? Bra. He will not be bought out . Val. No ? that 's strange Brother . Pray take a little pains about this project then , And try what that effects . Bra. I like this better ; Look you sweet Gentles , see what I produce here For amities sake , and peace , to end all controversie ; This Gentlewoman my charge left by her friends , Whom for hir person , and hir portion , I could bestow most richly , but in pittie To her affection , which lyes bent at you sir , I am content to yield to her desire . Ric. At me ? Bra. But for this jar , 't had ne'r been offerd . I bring you flesh , and money , a rich heir , And a Maid too , and that 's a thing worth thanks , sir : Nay , one that has rid fifteen mile this morning For your love onely . 2. Suter . Honey , hearken after her ; Being rich , I can have all my money there : Ease my purse well , aud never wage law further . I have enough , yet I will have my humour . Ric. Doe you love me forsooth ? Viol. Oh infinitely . Ric. I doe not ask thee , that I meant to have thee , But only to know what came in thy head to love me . Viol. My time was come sir , that 's all I can say . Ric. 'Las poor soul , where didst thou love me first prethee ? Viol. In happy hour be 't spoke , out at a window sir . Ric. A window ? prithee clap it too , and call it in agen : What was I doing then should make thee love me ? Viol. Twiriling your band-string , which me thought became you so generously well . Ric.

'T was a good quality to choose a husband for : That love was likely to be ty'd in Matrimonie , that begun in a band-string : yet I ha' known asmuch come to passe ere now upon a tassell . Fare you well Sister ; I may be cozend in a Maid , I cannot in a Widow .

2. Suter . Art thou come home agen ; stickst thou there still ? I will defend thee still then . 1. Suter . Sir you malice Will have enough on 't . 2. Suter . I will have my humour . 1. Sut. Beggery will prove the spunge . 2. Sut. Spunge i' thy gascoyns , Thy gally-gascoyns there . Ric. Hah brave Protector . Bra. I thought 't would come to open Wars agen , Let 'em agree as they will ; two testie Fopps , I le have a care of mine eyes . Mar. I , of my chops . Exeunt .
Scaena 2. Enter Latrocinio and Occulto , ( a Banner of Cures and Diseases hung out . ) La. Away , out with the Banner , send 's good luck to day . Occ. I warrant you ; your name 's spread Sir , for an Emperick . There 's an old Mason troubled with the Stone , Has sent to you this morning for your counsell , He would have ease fain . La. Mary I cannot blame him sir . But how he will come by 't , there lyes the question , Occ. You must do somewhat sir , for hee 's swoln most piteously , Has urine in him now was brew'd last March . La. 'T will be rich geer for Dyers . Occ. I would 't were come to that sir . La. Le' me see , I le send him a whole Musket-charge of Gun-powder . Occ. Gun-powder ? what sir , to break the stone ? La. I by my faith sir , It is the likeliest thing I know to do 't , I 'm sure it breaks stone-walls , and Castles down , I see no reason , but 't should break the stone . Occ. Nay , use you pleasure sir . La. 'Troth , if that doe not I ha' nothing els that will . Occ. I know that too . La. Why then thou' rt a Coxcomb to make question on 't . Goe call in all the rest , I have employment for them . When the high-wayes grow thin with Travellers , And few Portmantues stirring , as all trades Have their dead time wee see ; Thee very , poor takings , And Lecherie cold doings , and so forwards still ; Then doe I tak my Inn , and those Curmoogions , Whose Purses I can never get abroad , I take 'em at more ease here i' my chamber , And make 'em come to me , it 's more state-like too : Hang him that has but one way to his trade , Hee 's like a mouth that eats but on one side , And half cozens his belly , specially if he dine among Shavers , Enter all the rest Silvio , Stratio , Fiducio . And both-handed feeders : Stratio , Silvio , and Fiducio , I will have none left out , there 's parts for you . Sil. For us ? pray let 's have 'em . La. Change your selves With all speed possible into severall shapes Far from your own , as you a Farmer sir , A Grazier you , and you may be a Miller . Fid. Oh no , a Miller comes too neer a Theef , That may spoil all agen . La. Some Country Taylor then . Fid. That 's neer enough by 'r lady , yet I le venture that ; The Miller 's a white Devill , he wears his theft Like Innocence in badges most apparently Upon his nose , sometimes between his lips ; The Tailor modestly between his legs . La. Why pray , do you present that modest thief then , And hark you , for the purpose . Sil. 'T will improve you sir . La. 'T will get believers , believe that my Masters , Repute and confidence , and make all things cleerer ; When you see any come , repair you to me As samples of my skill ; there are few arts But have their shadows Sirs to set 'em off ; Then where the Art it self is but a shadow What need is there my Friends ? make hast away sirs . Exeunt . Occ. Where are you Sir ? [ Enter Occulto . ] La. Not far man ; What 's the newes ? Occ. The old Justice sir , whom we rob'd once by Moon-light , And bound his man and he in haycock-time With a rope made of horse-meat , and in pittie Left their Mares by 'em , which I think ere midnight Did eat their hay-bound Masters both at libertie , � La. ' Life , what of him man ? Occ. Hee 's enquiring earnestly For the great man of art ; indeed for you sir : Therefore withdraw sweet sir ; make your self daintie now , And that 's three parts of any profession . La. I have enough on 't . Exit . [ Enter Ansaldo . ] Occ. How now , what thing 's this ? Now by this light , the second part o' th' Justice Newly reviv'd with never a hair on 's face , It should be the first rather by his smoothness , But I ha' known the first part written last : 'T is he , or let me perish , the young Gentleman We robd , and stript , but I am far from knowledge now . Ans. One word I pray Sir . Occ. With me gentle Sir ? Ans. Was there not lately seen about these parts sir A knot of fellows , whose conditions Are privily suspected ? Occ. Why doe you ask Sir ? Ans. There was a poor young gentleman rob'd last night . Occ. Robd ? Ans. Script of all y'faith . Occ. Oh beastly Rascals . 'Las what was he ? Ans. Look o' me , and know him sir . Occ. Hard-hearted villains , strip ? troth when I saw you Methought those cloaths were never made for you sir . Ans. Want made me glad o 'em . Occ. ' Send you better fortunes sir : That we may have about with you once agen . Ans. I thank you for your wish of love , kind sir . Occ. 'T is with my heart y'faith ; now store of coyn And better cloaths be with you . Ans. Ther 's some honest yet And charitably minded : how , wha't 's here to doe ? Here within this place is cur'd Reads . All the griefs that were ev'r endur'd . Nay there thou lyest , I endur'd one last night , Thou canst not cure this morning ; a strange Promiser . Palsey , Gout , Hydropick Humour , Breath that sticks beyond Perfumer , Fistula in ano , Ulcer , Megrum , Or what disease so ere beleaguer 'em , Stone , Rupture , Squinancie , Imposthuma , Yet too dear it shall not cost 'em . That 's conscionably said y'faith . In brief , you cannot I assure you Be unsound so fast , as I can cure you . [ Enter Brandino and Martino . By 'r Lady , you shall pardon me , I le not try 't sir . Bra. Martino , is not yond my hinder parts ? Mar. Yes , and your fore parts too Sir . Bra. I tro so , I never saw my hind parts in my life else , No , nor my fore ones neither : what are you sir ? Are you a Justice pray ? Ans. A Justice ? no truly . Bra. How came this Suit to you then ? Ans. How , this Suit ? Why must he needs be a Justice sir , that wears it ? Bra. You 'l find it so : 't was made for no body else . I pai'd for 't . Ans. Oh strange fortune , I have undone The charitable woman . Bra. Hee 'l be gone . Martino , hold him fast , I le call for aid . Ans. Hold me ? oh curss of fate ! Mar. Oh Mr , Mr. Bra. What ayls Martino ? Mar. In my conscience Has beat out the wrong tooth , I feel it now , Three degrees of . Bra. Oh slave , spoild a fine Penman . Ans. He lackd good manners though : lay hands o' me ? I scorn all the deserts , that belong to 't . [ Enter Latrocinio . ] La. Why how now ? what 's the broil ? Bra. The man of art I take you sir to be . La. I 'm the professor Of those slight cures you read of in the Banner . Bra. Our business was to you most skilfull sir , But in the way to you , right worshipfull I met a thief . La. A thief ? Bra. With my cloaths on sir , Let but the Hose be searcht , I le pawn my life Ther 's yet the Tailors bill in one o' th' pockets , And a white thimble that I found i' moon light , Thou sawst me when I put it in Martino . Mar. Oy , oy . Bra.

Oh , has spoild the worthiest Clark that ere drew Warrant here .

La. Sir , y' ar a stranger , but I must deal plain with you , That Suit of cloaths must needs come odly to you . Ans. I dare not say which way , that 's my affliction . La. Is not your worships name Signior Brandino sir ? Bra. It has been so , these threescore year and upwards . La. I heard there was a robbery done last night Neer to your house . Ans. You heard a truth then sir , And I the man was robd . La. Ah that 's too gross Send him away for fear of farther mischief , I doe not like him , he 's a cunning knave . Bra. I want but aid . [ Ent. 2 or 3 Servants . ] La. Within there . Bra. Ceize upon that impudent thief . Ans. Then here me speak . Bra. Away ; I le neither hear thee speak , nor wear those cloaths agen , To prison with the varlet . Ans. How am I punish'd ? Bra. I le make thee bring out all , before I leave thee . [ Ex. with Ansaldo . La.

Y'have took an excellent course with this bold villain sir .

Bra.

I am sworn for service to the Common-wealth sir ,

What are these , learned sir ? [ Enter Stratio , Silvio and Fiducio . ] La. Oh they 'r my patients . Good morrow , Gout , Rupture , and Palsie . Stra. 'T is farewell Gout almost , I thank your worship . La. What no , you cannot part so soon , I hope ? You came but lately to me . Stra. But most happily , I can goe neer to leap sir . La. What you cannot ? Away I say , take heed , be not to ventrous though , I 've had you but three daies , remember that . Stra. Those three are better than three hundred sir . La. Yet agen ? Stra. Ease takes pleasure to be known sir . La. You with the rupture there hernia in scrotum . Pray let me see your space this morning , walk sir , I le take your distance strait : 't was F. O. yesterday : Ah sirha , here 's a simple alteration , Secundo gradu , ye F. U. already , Here 's a most happy change ; be of good comfort sir , Your knees are come , within three inches now Of one an other ; by to morrow noon I le make 'em kiss , and justle . Sil. 'Bless your worship . Bra. You have a hundred pray'rs in a morning sir . La. 'Faith we have a few to pass away the day with : Taylor , you had a stitch . Fid. Oh good your worship I have had none since Easter : were I rid But of this whorson Palsey , I were happy ; I cannot thred my needle . La. No , that 's hard , I never markt so much . Fid. It comes by fits sir . La. 'Las poor man : what would your worship say now To see me help this fellow at an instant ? Bra. And make him firm from shaking ? La. As a steeple , From the disease on 't . Bra. 'T is to me miraculous . La. You , with your whoremaster disease , come hither ; Here , take me this round glass , and hold it stedfast , Yet more sir , yet I say ; so . Bra. Admirable . La. Goe , live , and thred thy needle . Bra. Here Martino : 'Las poor Fool , his mouth is full of praises And cannot utter 'em . La. No , what 's the malady ? Bra. The fury of a tooth . La. A tooth ? ha , ha , I though 't had been some Gangrene , Fistula , Canker , or Ramex . Bra. No , ' it s enough as 't is sir . La. My man shall ease that streight , sit you down there sir , Take the tooth sirha , daintily , insensibly : But what 's your worships malady , that 's for me sir ? Bra. Marry pray look you sir : your worships Counsell About mine eyes . La. Sore eyes ? that 's nothing too sir . Bra. By 'r Lady I that feel it , think it somewhat . La. Have you no Convulsions ? pricking aches sir , Ruptures , or Apostemates ? Bra. No by my faith sir , Not doe I desire to have 'em . La. Those are cures , There doe I win my fame sir : quickly sirrah , Reach me the eye-cup hither : doe you make water well sir ? Bra. I 'm all well there . La. You feel no grief i' th' kidney . Bra. Sound , sound , sound sir . La. Oh here 's a breath sir , I must talk withall One of these mornings . Bra. There I think y'faith , I am to blame indeed , and my Wises words Are come to passe sir . Mar. Oh , oh , 't is not that , 't is not that . It is the next beyond it ; there , there , there . Occ. The best have their mistakings : now I le fit you sir . Bra. What 's that sweet Sir , that comforts with his coolness ? La. Oh soverign geer : wink hard , and keep it in sir . Mar. Oh , oh , oh . Occ. Nay , here he goes , one twitch more , and he comes sir . Mar. Auh , ho . Occ. Spit out , I told you he was gone sir . Bra. How cheers Martino ? Mar. Oh , I can answer you now Master , I feel great ease sir . Bra. So doe I Martino . Mar. I 'm rid of a sore burden , for my part Master , Of a scal'd little one . La. Please but your worship now To take three drops of the rich water with you , I le undertake your man shall cure you sir At twice i' your own Chamber . Bra. Shall he so sir ? La. I will uphold him in 't . Mar. Then will I do 't sir . La. How lively your man 's now ? Mar. Oh I 'm so light me thinks Over I was . Bra. What is 't contents your worship ? La. Ev'n what your worship please , I am not mercenary . Bra. My purse is gone Martino . La. How , your purse sir ? Bra. 'T is gon y'faith : I 'ave been among some Rascalls . Mar. And that 's a thing I ever gave you warning of Master , you care not What company you run into . Bra. Lend me some money : chide me anon I pre' thee . A pox on 'em for vipers , they ha' suckt blood o' me . Mar. Oh Master . Bra. How now man ? Mar. My purse is gon too . Bra.

How ? I le never take warning more of thee while I live then , thou art an Hypocrite , and art not fit to give good counsell to thy Master , that canst not keep from ill company thy self .

La. This is most strange sir : both your purses gon . Mar. Sir , I 'de my hand on mine , when I came in . La. Are you but sure of that ; oh would you were . Mar. As I 'm of ease . La. Then , they 'r both gon one way , be that your comfort . Bra. I but what way 's that sir ? La. That close knave in your Clothes h 'as got 'em both , 'T is well y'have clapt him fast . Bra. Why that 's impossible . La. Oh tell not me sir : I ha' known purses gon , And the Theef stand , and look one full i' th' face , As I may doe your Worship , and your man now . Mar. Nay , that 's most certain Master . Bra. I will make That Rascall in my clothes answer all this then , And all the robberies that have been don Since the Moon chang'd ; get you home first Martino , And know if any of my wives things are missing , Or any more of mine : tell her hee 's taken , And by that token he has took both our purses . Mar. That 's an ill token Master . Bra. That 's all one sir , She must have that or nothing , for I 'm sure The Rascall has left nothing els for a Token . Begon , make hast agen ; and meet me part o' th' way . Mar. I le hang the villain , And 't were for nothing but the Sowce he gave me . Exit . Bra. Sir , I depart asham'd of my requitall , And leave this seal ring with you as a pledge Of further thankfulness . La. No , I beseech you sir . Bra. Indeed you shall sir . La. Oh , your worships word sir . Bra. You shall have my word too , for a rare gentleman As ere I met withall . Exit . La. Cleer sight be with you sir ; If Conduit-water , and my Hostesse Milk That comes with the ninth child now , may afford it . ' Life , I fear'd none but thee , my villanous toothdrawer , Occult. There was no fear of me ; I 've often told you I was bound Prentice to a Barber once , But ran away i' th' second year . La. I marry , That made thee give a pull at the wrong tooth . And me afraid of thee : what have we there sirs ? Occ. Some threescore Dollars i' th Masters purse , And sixteen in the Clerks , a Silver seal , Two or three Amber beads , and four blank Warrants . La. Warrants ? where be they ? the best news came yet . 'Masse here 's his hand , and here 's his Seal I thank him , This comes most luckily : one of our fellows Was took last night , wee 'l set him first at libertie , And other good Boyes after him : and if he In th' old Justices Suit , whom he rob'd lately , Will come off roundly , wee 'l set him free too . Occ. That were a good deed 'faith , we may in pitty . La. There 's nothing done meerly for pitty now adaies , Money or Ware must help too . Song , in parts by the Thieves . Give me fortune , give me health , Give me freedome , I le get wealth . Who complains his fate 's amiss , When he has the wide world his ? He that has the Devill in fee , Can have but all , and so have wee . Give us fortune , give us Health , Give us freedome , wee 'l get wealth . In every Hamlet , Town and Cittie , He has lands , that was born wittie . Exeunt . Finis Actus Quarti .
Actus 5. Scaena 1. Enter PHILIPPA and VIOLATTA . Phil. HOw well this Gentleman keeps his promise too ? Sure there 's no trust in man . Viol. They 'r all Francisco's , That 's my opinion Mistris : Fools , or false ones . He might have had the honestie yet y'faith To send my Masters clothes home . Phil. I those clothes . Viol. Collyers come by the dore ev'ry day Mistris , Nay , this is Market-day too , Powlterers , Butchers , They would have lay'n most deintily in a Panyer , And kept Veal from the wind . Phil. Those clothes much trouble me . Viol. 'Faith , and he were a gentleman as he seem'd to be , They would trouble him too I think ; Me thinks he should have small desire to keep 'em . Phil. 'Faith and lesse pride to wear 'em , I should think wench , Unlesse he kept 'em as a testimonie For after-times to shew what miserie He past in his young dayes , and then weep over 'em . [ Ext. Martino . ] Viol.

Weep Mistris ? nay sure me thinks he should not weep for laughing .

Phil. Martino ? oh w' are spolld wench , are they come then ? Mar.

Mistris , be of good cheer , I have excellent news for you , comfort your heart , what have you to breakfast Mistris , you shall have all agen , I warrant you .

Phil. What saies he Wench ? Viol. I 'm loth to understand him . Mar. Give me a note of all your things sweet Mistris , You shall not lose a hair , take 't of my word We have him safe enough . Phil. Olas , sweet wench This man talks fearfully . Viol. And I know not what yet That 's the worst Mistriss . Mar. Can you tell me pray , Whether the Rascall has broke ope my desk or no , Ther 's a fine little barrell of pom-citrons Would have serv'd me this seven year , oh , and my fig-cheese . The fig of everlasting obloquy Goe with him if he have eat it , I le make haste He cannot eat it all yet , he was taken Mistriss Grosly , and beastly , how doe you think y'faith ? Phil. I know not sir . Mar. Troth in my Masters cloaths , Would any thief but a beast been taken so ? Phil. Wench , wench . Viol. I have grief enough of mine own to tend Mistriss . Phil. Did he confess the robbery ? Mar. O no , no Mistriss He 's a young cunning Rascall , he confest nothing ; While we were examining on him , he took away My Masters purss and mine , but confest nothing still . Phil. That 's but some slanderous injury rais'd against him . Came not your Mr. with you ? Mar. No sweet Mistriss . I must make hast and meet him pray dispatch me then . Phil. I have lookd over all with speciall heedfulness , Ther 's nothing miss'd , I can assure you sir But that Suit of your Masters . Mar.

I 'm right glad on 't That Suit would hang him yet I would not have him hangd in that Suit though , it will disgrace my Masters fashion for ever , and make it as hatefull as yellow bands .

Exit . Phil. O what shall 's doe wench ? Viol. 'T is no marvail Mistriss The poor young Gentleman could not keep his promise . Phil. ' Alas sweet man , h 'as confess'd nothing yee wench . Viol. That shews his constancy , and love to you Mistriss : But you must do 't of force , there is no help for 't , The truth can neither shame nor hurt you much , Let 'em make what they can on 't , 't were sin and pitty y'faith To cast away so sweet a Gentleman , For such a pair of infidell hose and doublet , [ Enter Ansaldo . ] I would not hang a Jew for a whole wardrobe on 'em . Phil. Thou saist true wench . Viol. Oh , oh , they 'r come agen Mistriss . Phil. Signior Ansaldo ? Ans. The same mightily cross'd Lady , But past hope freed agen by a Doctors means , A man of art , I know not justly what indeed , But pitty , and the fortunate gold you gave me , Wrought my release between 'em . Pil. Met you not My husbands man ? Ans. I took such strange wayes Lady I hardly met a creature . Phil. Oh most welcome Viol. But how shall we bestow him now we have him Mris ? Phil. ' Alas , that 's true . Viol. Martino may come back agen . Phil. Step you into that little Chamber speedily sir , And dress him up in one of my Gowns and head-tyres His youth will well endure it . Viol. That wil be admirable . Phil. Nay do 't , do 't quickly then , and cut that Suit Into a hundred pieces , that it may never be known agen . Viol. A hundreth ? nay ten thousand at the least Mris. For if there be a piece of that Suit left , as big as my nail , The deed will come out , 't is worse than a murder , I fear 't will never be hid . Phil. Away , do your endeavour , and dispatch wench , Ex. Viol and Ansaldo . I 've thought upon a way of certain safetie , And I may keep him while I have him too , Without suspition now : I 've heard o' th' like : A Gentleman , that for a Ladies love Was thought six months her woman , tended on her In her own garments , and she being a Widow , Lay night by night with her in way of comfort , Mary in conclusion match they did together , [ Enter Brandino with a writing . ] Would I 'd a copy of the same conclusion : He 's come himself now , if thou be'st a happy wench Be fortunate in thy speed , I le delay time With all the means I can : oh welcome sir . Bra. I le speak to you anon wife , and kiss you shortly , I 'm very busie yet : Cocksey-down , Mem-berrie , Her Manner house at Well-dun . Phil. What 's that good sir ? Bra. The widows your sweet Sisters deed of gift ; Sh 'as made all her estate over to me wench : She 'l be too hard for 'em all : and now come buss me Good luck after thieves hansell . Phil. Oh 't is happy Sir You have him fast . Bra. I ha' laid him safe enough wench . Phil. I was so lost in joy at the report on 't I quight forgot one thing to tell Martino . Bra. What 's that sweet blood ? Phil. He , and his villains sir Robd a sweet Gentlewoman last night . Bra. A Gentlewoman ? Phil. Nay , most uncivilly and basely stript her sir . Bra. Oh barbarous slaves . Phil. I was ev'n fain for woman-hoods sake ( Alas ) and charities , to receive her in , And cloath her poor wants in a Suit of mine . Bra. 'T was most religiously done : I long for her ; Who have I brought to see thee think'st thou woman ? Phil. Nay Sir , I know not . Bra. Ghess , I prethee heartily : An enemy of thine . Phil. That I hope you have not sir . Bra. But all was done in jest : he crys thee mercy , Francisco sirha . Phil. Oh ; I think not on him . Bra. That Letter was but writ to try thy constancie , He confest all to me . Phil. Joy on him sir , [ Enter Francisco . ] So far am I from malice , look you sir ; Welcome sweet Signior ; but I le never trust you sir . Bra. Faith I 'm beholding to thee wife , for this . Fra. Methinks , I enter now this house with joy , Sweet peace , and quietness of conscience , I wear no guilty blush upon my cheek For a sin stampt last midnight : I can talk now With that kind man , and not abuse him inwardly , With any scornfull thought made of his shame : [ Enter Martino . ] What a sweet being is an honest mind ? It speaks peace to itself , and all mankind . Bra. Martino . Mar. Master . Bra. Ther 's an other robbery done sirha , By the same partie . Mar. What ? your worship mocks , Under correction . Phil. I forgot to tell thee He robd a lovely Gentlewoman . Mar. O Pagan , This fellow will be ston'd to death with Pipkins , Your women in the Suburbs will so maule him With broken crewzes , and pitchers without eares , [ Enter Ansaldo ( as Marria ) & Violetta . He will nev'r dye alive , that 's my opinion . Phil. Look you your judgments Gentlemen , yours especially Signior Francisco , whose meer object now Is woman at these years , that 's the eye Saint I know Amongst young Gallants , Husband , you have a glimpse too ; You offer half an eye , as old as you are , Bra. By 'r Lady better wench : an eye , and a half I troa , I should be sorry else . Phil. What think you now sirs Is 't not a goodly manly Gentlewoman ? Bra. Beshew my heart else wife . Pray soft a little Signior y' ar but my guest remember , I 'm Mr. of the house , I le have the first buss . Phil. But Husband , 't is the curtesie of all places To give a stranger ever the first bit . Bra. In Woodcock or so , but ther 's no heed to be taken in Mutton ; We commonly fall so roundly to that we forget our selves : I 'm sorry for thy fortune , but thou' rt welcome Lady Mar.

My Master kisses , as I 've heard a hackney man Cheer up his Mare , chap , chap.

Bra. I have him fast Lady , and he shall lye by 't close , Ans. You cannot doe me a greater pleasure Sir , Bra. I 'm happily glad on 't . Fra. Me thinks there 's somewhat whispers in my soul , This is the hour , I must begin my acquaintance With honest love , and banish all loose thoughts ; My fate speaks to me from the modest eye Of yon sweet Gentlewoman . Phil. Wench , Wench . Viol. Pish , hold in your breath Mistris , If you be seen to laugh , you spoil all presently , I keep it in with all the might I have � puh . Ans. Pray what young gentleman 's that sir ? Bra. An honest boy y'faith , And came of a good kind : do'st like him Lady , I would thou hadst him , and thou beest not promis'd , Hee 's worth ten thousand Dollars . Viol.

By this light Mistris , my Master will goe neer to make a match anon , me thinks I dream of admirable sport Mistris .

Phil. Peace , thou art a drab . Bra. Come hither now Francisco , I 've know the time , I 've had a better stomach ; Now I can dine with looking upon meat . Fra. That face deserv'd a better fortune Lady Than last nights rudeness shew'd . Ans. We cannot be Our choosers sir in our own desteny . Fra. I return better pleas'd , than when I went . Mar. And could that beastly Impe rob you forsooth ? Ans. Most true forsooth , I will not altogether sir , disgrace you , Because you look half like a Gentleman . Mar. And that 's the Mothers half . Ans. There 's my hand for you . Mar. I swear you could not give me any thing I love better , a hand gets me my living ; Oh sweet lymon-peel . Fra. May I request a modest word or two Lady In private with you ? Ans. With me sir ? Fra. To make it sure from all suspect of injurie , Or unbeseeming private , which heaven knows Is not my aym now , I le intreat this gentleman For an ear witness unto all our conference . Ans. Why so , I am content Sir , Exit . Fra. & Ansaldo . Bra. So am I Lady .. Mar. Oh Master , here 's a rare Bedfellow for my Mistris to night , For you know we must both out of Town agen . Bra. That 's true Martino . Mar. I do but think how they 'l lye telling of tales together The pretiest . Bra. The pretiliest indeed . Mar. Their tongues will never lyn wagging Master . Bra. Never Martino , never . Exeunt . Phil. Take heed you be not heard . Viol. I fear you most Mistris . Phil. Mee fool ? ha , ha . Viol. Why look you Mistris : faith y' are faultie , ha , ha , Phil. Well said y'faith , where lyes the fault now gossip . Viol. Oh for a husband ; I shall burst with laughing els , This house is able to spoil any Maid . Phil. I le be reveng'd now soundly of Francisco For failing me when time was . Viol. Are you there Mistris ? I thought you would not forget that How ever , a good turn disappointed is ever the last thing That a woman forgives , shee 'l scarce do 't when shee 's speechless , Nay , though she hold up her whole hand for all other injuries , Shee 'l forgive that but with one finger . Phil. I le vex his heart as much as he mock'd mine . Viol.

But that may marre your hopes too , if our gentlewoman be known to be a man .

Phil. Not as I le work it ; I would not lose this sweet revenge me thinks For a whole fortnight of the old mans absence , Which is the sweetest benefit next to this : [ Enter Ansaldo . ] Why how now sir , what course take you for laughing ? We are undone for one . Ans. Faith with great pain , Stifle it , and keep it in : I ha' no receipe for 't . But 'pray , in sadness say ; What is the Gentleman , I never knew his like for tedious urgings , He will receive no answer . Phil. Would he would not Sir . Ans. Sayes I 'm ordain'd for him : meerly for him , And that his wiving fate speaks in me to him ; Will force on me a joynture speedily Of some seven thousand Dollars . Phil. Would thou had'st 'em sir : I know he can and he will . Ans. For wonders pitty ; What is this Genleman ? Phil. 'Faith shall I tell you sir , One that would make an excellent honest husband For her that 's a just Maid at one and twentie ; For on my conscience he has his Maidenhead yet . Ans. Fye , out upon him beast . Phil. Sir , if you love me . Give way but to one thing I shall request of you . Ans. Your curtesies you know may lay commands on me . Phil. Then at his next sollicitings , let a consent Seem to come from you ; 'T will make noble sport sir , Wee 'll get joincture and all ; but you must bear Your self most affable to all his purposes . Ans. I can doe that . Phil. I , and take head of laughing . [ Enter Francisco . ] Ans. I 've bide the worst of that already Lady . Phil. Peace , set your countenance then ; for here he comes . Fra. There is no middle continent in this passion , I feel it since , it must be love , or death It was ordain'd for one . Phil. Seignior Francisco , I 'm sorry 't was your fortune , in my house sir , To have so violent a stroak come to you : The gentlewoman 's a stranger pray be counsell'd sir , Till you hear further of her Friends and portion . Fra. 'T is only but her love that I desire , She comes most rich in that . Phil. But be advis'd though , I think shee 's rich heir , but see the proof sir , Before you make her such a generous Jointure . Fra. 'T is mine , and I will doo 't . Phil. She shal be yours too , If I may rule her then . Fra. You speak all sweetness . Phil. She likes your person well , I tell you so much , But take no note I said so . Fra. Not a word . Phil. Come Lady , come , the gentleman desertfull , And O my conscience honest . Ans. Blame me not , I am a Maid , and fearfull . Fra. Never truth came perfecter from man . Phil. Give her a lip-taste , Enter Bradino and Martino . That she her self may praise it . Bra. Yea , a match y'faith : my house is luckly for 'em Now Martino . Mar. Master , the Widow has the day . Bra. The day ? Mar. She 's overthrown my youngster . Bra. Pretious tydings , Clap down four Woodcocks more . Mar. They 'r all at hand Sir . Bra. What both her adversaries too . Enter Valeria , Ricardo , and two Suters . Mar. They 'r come sir . Bra. God bid the Cook serve in two geese in a dish . Mar. I like your conceit Master beyond utterance . Bra. VVelcome sweet Sister ; which is the man must have you . I de welcome no body els . 1 Suter . Come to me then sir . Bra. Are yo' he ' faith , my chain of gold ? I 'm glad on 't . Val. I wonder you can have the face to follow me , That have so prosecuted things against me , But I ha' resolv'd my self 't is done to spight me . Ric. O dearth of truth . 2 Suter . Nay , do not spoil thy hair , Hold , hold I say , I le get thee a VVidow somewhere . Ric. If hand and faith be nothing for a Contract , VVhat shall man hope ? 2 Suter . 'T was wont to be enough , Honey . When there was honest meaning amongst Widows , But since your bribes came in , 't is not allow'd A contract without gifts to bind it fast , Every thing now must have a feeling first : Doe I come neer you Widow ? Val. No indeed sir , Nor ever shall I hope : and for your comfort sir , That sought all means t' entrap me for my wealth , Had Law unfortunately put you upon me , You had lost your labour , all your aym , and hopes sir : Here stands the honest Gentleman my Brother To whom I 've made a deed of gift of all . Bra. I that sheh ' as y'faith , I thank her Gentlemen Look you here sirs . Val. I must not look for pleasures That give more grief if they prove false , or fail us Then ever they gave joy . 1 Suter . Ha' you ser've me so widow 2 Suter . I 'm glad thou hast her not , laugh at him honey ; ha , ha . Val. I must take one that loves me for my self : Here 's as old Gentleman looks not after wealth But vertue , manners , and conditions . 1 Suter . Yes by my faith : I must have Lordships too Widow . Val. How sir ? 1 Suter . Your manners , vertue , and conditions Widow . Are prety things within dores , I like well on 'em , But I must have somewhat with out-lying or being In the tenure or occupation of me such a one : ha ? Those are fine things indeed . Val. Why sir , you swore to me it was for love . 1 Suter . True ; but ther 's two words to a bargain ever All the world over , and if love be one I 'm sure mony 's the other ; 't is no bargain else : Pardon me , I must dine , as well as sup Widow . Val. Cry mercy , I mistook you all this while sir . It was this antient Gentleman indeed , Whom I crave pardon on . 2 Suter . What of me Widow ? Val. ' Alas I have wrongd you sir ; 't was you that swore You lov'd me for my self ? 2 Suter . By my troth but I did not . Come , Father not your lyes upon me Widow : I love you for your self ? spit at me Gentlemen If ever I 'd such a thought , fetch me in Widow : You 'l find your reach too short . Val. Why you have enough you say . 2 Suter .

I , but I will have my humour too ; you never think of that , they 'r Coach horses , they goe together still .

Val. Whom should a Widow trust : I 'l swear 't was one of you That made me beleeve so : mass , think 't was you sir Now I remember me . Ric. I swore too much To be beleev'd so little . Val. Was it you then ? Beshrew my heart for wronging of you . Ric. Welcome blessing , Are you nine faithfully now ? Val. As love can make one . 1 Suter . Why this fils the Common-wealth so full of beggars , Marrying for love , which none of mine shall doe . Val. But now I think on 't : we must part agen sir . Ric. Agen ? Val. You 'r in debt , and I , in doubt of all , Left my self nothing too ; we must not hold , Want on both sides makes all affection cold : I shall not keep you from that Gentleman , You 'l be his more then mine and when he list He 'l make you lye from me in some soure prison , Then let him take you now for altogether sir , For he that 's mine shall be all mine or nothing . Ric. I never felt the evill of my debts Till this afflicting minute . 2 Suter .

I le be mad once in my daies : I have enough to cure me , and I will have my humour , they 'r now but desperate debts agen , I nev'r look for 'em ,

And ever since I knew what malice was I alwaies held it sweeter to sow mischief . Than to receive money ; 't is the finer pleasure . I le give him in his bonds as 't were in pitty To make the match , and bring 'em both to beggary , Then will they nev'r agree ; that 's a sure point , He 'l give her a black eye within these three daies , Beat half her teeth out by Alhall outide , And break the little houshold-stuffe they have With throwing at one another : O sweet sport . Come Widow , come , I le try your honestie Here to my honey y'have made many proffers , I fear they 'r all but tricks : here are his debts Gentlemen : How I came by 'em I know best my self . Take him before us faithfully for your husband And he shall tear 'em all before your face Widow . Val. Else may all faith refuse me : 2 Suter . Tear 'em honey 'T is firm in Law , a consideration given : What with thy teeth ? thou l't shortly tear her so That 's all my hope , thou d'st never had 'em else I 've enough , and I will have my humour . Ric. I 'm now at liberty Widow . Val. I le be so too And then I come to thee : give me this from you Brother , Bra. Hold Sister : Sister . Val. Look you , the deed of gift sir , I 'm as free He that has me , has all , and thou art he . 1. 2. How 's that ? Val. Y' ar bob'd , 't was but a deed in trust And all to prove thee , whom I have found most just . Bra. I 'm bob'd among the rest too : I 'd have sworn T 'had been a thing for me , and my heirs for ever ; If I 'd but got it up to the black box above I had been past redemption 1 Suter . How am I cheated ? 2 Suter . I hope you 'l have the conscience now to pay me sir . Ric. Oh wicked man , sower of strife and envy , open not thy lips . 2 Suter . How , how 's this ? Ric. Thou hast no charge at all , no child of thine own But two thou got'st once of a scowring woman , And they are both well provided for , thei 'r i' th hospitall , Thou hast ten thousand pound to bury thee , Hang thy self when thou wilt , a slave goe with thee 2 Suter . I 'm gone , my goodness comes all out together . [ Enter Violentta . I have enough , but I have not my humour . Viol. O Master , Gentlemen : and you sweet Widow I think you are no forwarder yet , I know not , If ever you be sure to laugh agen , Now is the time . Val. Why what 's the matter wench ? Viol. Ha , ha , ha . Bra. Speak , speak . Viol. Ha , a marriage , a marriage , I cannot tel 't for laughing : ha , ha . Bra. A marriage doe you make that a laughing matter ? [ Enter Francisco and Ansaldo Viol. Ha : I , and you 'l make it so when you know all , Here they come , here they come , one man married to an other . Val. How ? man to man ? Viol. I man to man y'faith Ther'l be good sport at night to bring 'em both to bed ; Doe you see 'em now , ha , ha , ha . 1 Suter . My daughter Martia . Ans. Oh my Father : your love , and pardon sir . Val. 'T is she indeed Gentlemen . Ans. I have been disobedient I confess Unto your mind , and Heaven has punished me With much affliction since I fled your sight ; But finding reconcilement from above In peace of heart ; the next I hopes your love . 1 Suter . I cannot but forgive thee now I see thee , Thou fledst a happy fortune of an old man , But Francisco's of a noble family . Though he be somewhat spent . Fra. I lov'd her not sir As she was yours , for I protest I knew 't not , But for her self sir , and her own deserving , Which had you been as foul , as y 'ave been spightfull I should have lov'd in her . 1 Suter . Well , hold your prating sir , Y' ar not like to loose by 't . Phil. Oh Violetta , who shall laugh at us now ? Viol. The child unborn Mistris . Ans. Be good . Fra. Be honest . Ans. Heav'n will not let you sin , and you 'ld be carefull . Fra. What means it sends to help you , think and mend , You 'r as much bound as we , to praise that frend . Phil. I am so , and I will so . Ans. Marry you speedily , Children tame you , you 'l die like a wild beast els . Viol. I by my troth should I , I 've much adoe to forbear Laughing now , more 's my hard fortune . Enter Martino . Mar. O Master , Mistris , and you gentles all ; To horse , to horse presently , if you mean to doe your Country any service . Bra. Art not asham'd Martino , to talk of horsing so openly Before young married couples thus . Mar. It do's concern the Common-wealth and me , And you Master , and all : the Theeves are taken . Ans. What sai'st Martino , Mar. Law , here 's Common-wealths-men , The man of art Master , that cupt your eyes Is prov'd an arrant rascall : and his man That drew my tooth , an excellent purse-drawer , I felt no pain in that , it went insensibly : Such notable villanies confest . Bra. Stop there sir : Wee 'l have time for them : Come gentle-folks , Take a slight meal with us : but the best cheer Is perfect joy , and that we wish all here . � Exeunt .
Prologue . A Sport , only for Christmas , is the Play This hour presents t' you ; to make you merry , Is all th' ambition 'thas ; and fullest aym Bent at your smiles , to win it self a name : And if you edge be not quite taken off , Wearied with sports , I hope 't will make you laugh .
Epilogue . STay , stay , Sir , I 'm as hungry of my Widdow As you can be upon your Maid beleeve it , But we must come to our desires in order , There 's duties to be paid , e'r we goe further ; Hee that without your likings , leaves this place , Is like one falls to meat , and forgets grace . And that 's not hansome trust me , no , Our rights being paid , and your loves understood , My Widow , and my meat , then do's me good ; I ha' no money Wench , I told thee true , For my report , pray let her hear 't from you , FINIS .
Machine-generated castlist A46230-brandino 150 A46230-ricardo 129 A46230-philippa 126 A46230-martia 111 A46230-francisco 110 A46230-valeria 97 A46230-ansaldo 83 A46230-latrocinio 80 A46230-violetta 65 A46230-1_suitor 55 A46230-2_suitor 52 A46230-occulto 26 A46230-stratio 15 A46230-officer 6 A46230-silvio 5 A46230-fiducio 4 A46230-attilio 3 A46230-multiple 2 A46230-servellio 2 A46230-ambo 1
Textual Notes

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saymore Good morrow Sir : oh that I durst say more . � leave . Reach me that letter hither , quick , quick Wench . intoth'house You gave this man admittance intoth' th'house . � I , that's strange Sir . Sit Francisco quoth a ? what are you mad Sir ? � before I kill thee , I for-warn thee my house . renonunce I doe renounce it utterly . � get this night of sport for mine own use : What says her amiable witty letter here besworn We ride slow , ile be sworn now Mr. sit 'Tis most fit Art should be rewarded : you must pay your Ohelp all so fraid o'you , How my good Lady cri'd O help the gentleman , 'Tis a good woman that y'arrid 'Tis happy then y'ar rid of such a fool Mistriss . we nch hard as the world goes , wee'l have a Song wench , Wee'l not sit up for nothing . thought'thad dew dropping from the leaves above me , I thought 'thad bled agen : these wenching businesses For'tis made strong against me By my ill purpose . For 'tis mans own sin That puts on armor upon sor't deceiv'd me ; Ile take more heed o'th' next for't ; perhaps now To furnish his distress , persumer Hydropick Humour , Breath that sticks beyond Perfumer , Fistula in ano , Ulcer , Megrum , Or what fell By'r Lady I that feel it � think it somewhat . � By'r Lady I that fell it , think it somewhat . � Spit out , I told you he was gone sir . i�'t What is't contents your worship ? gedtleman You shall have my word too , for a rare gentleman As ere I met withall . misetie a testimonie For after-times to shew what miserie He past in his young dayes , and then weep crew�es the Suburbs will so maule him With broken crewzes , and pitchers without eares , se've Ha'you ser've me so widow Getlemen 'Tis she indeed Gentlemen .
A18407 ---- Eastward Ho Chapman, George; Jonson, Ben; Marston, John This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A18407 of text S107691 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 4971). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Nayoon Ahn Yixin Xiao This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A18407.xml Eastward hoe. As it was playd in the Black-friers. By the Children of her Maiesties Reuels. Made by George Chapman. Ben: Ionson. Ioh: Marston. Chapman, George, 1559?-1634. 36 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2007 January (TCP phase 1) 99843387 STC (2nd ed.) 4971. Greg, I, 217(aII). 8117 A18407

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 Eastward hoe. As it was playd in the Black-friers. By the Children of her Maiesties Reuels. Made by George Chapman. Ben: Ionson. Ioh: Marston. Chapman, George, 1559?-1634. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. Marston, John, 1575?-1634. [72] p. Printed [by George Eld] for William Aspley, At London : 1605. 1605

Printer's name from STC.

Signatures: A-I4 (||-E3,4).

A later state of STC 4970, with leaves E3,4 cancels; E3v catchword reads: rously.

Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.

 A18407 shc Eastward Ho Chapman, George Jonson, Ben Marston, John Nayoon Ahn Yixin Xiao 1605 play comedy shc no A18407 S107691 (STC 4971). 31007 0 0 0 203290.9F The rate of 290.9 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

EASTVVARD HOE . As It was playd in the Black-friers . By The Children of her Maiesties Reuels

Made by GEO : CHAPMAN . BEN : IONSON . ION : MARSTON .

AT LONDON Printed for William Aspley . 1605 .

PROLOGVS . NOt out of Envy , for ther 's no effect Where there 's no cause ; nor out of Imitation For we haue euermore bin Imitated ; Nor out of our contention to doe better Then that which is opposde to ours in Title , For that was good ; and better cannot be : And for the Title if it seeme affected We might as well haue calde it , God you good Even : Onely that East-ward ; west-wards still exceedes , Honour the Sunnes faire rising , not his setting ; Nor is our Title vtterly enforste , As by the points we touch at , you shall see ; Beare with our willing paines , if dull or witty , We onely dedicate it to the Citty .
EAST-WARD HOE .
Actus primi , Scena prima . Enter Maister Touch-stone , and Quick-siluer at Seuerall dores , Quick-siluer with his hat , pumps , short sword and dagger , and a Racket trussed vp vnder his cloake . At the middle dore , Enter Golding discouering a Gold-smiths shoppe , and walking short turns before it . Touch-stone .

AND whether with you now ? what loose action are you bound for ? come what comrades are you to meete withall ? wher 's the supper ? wher 's the supper ? wher 's the randeuous ?

Quick.

Indeed , and in very good sober truth , Sir .

Touch.

Indeed , and in very good sober truth Sir ? Behinde my backe thou wilt sweare faster then a french foot boy , and talke more bawdily then a common midwife , and now indeede and in very good sober truth Sir : but if a priuie search should be made , with what furniture are you riggd now ? Sirrah I tell thee , I am thy maister William Tutchstone Goldsmith : and thou my Prentise Francis Quick-siluer : and will see whether you are running . Worke vpon that now .

Quick.

Why Sir I hope a man may vse his recreation with his maisters profit .

Touch.

Prentises recreations are seldome with their maisters profit . Worke vpon that now . You shall giue vp your cloake tho you be no Alderman . Heyday , Ruffins hall . Sword , pumps , heer 's a Racket indeed . Touch . vncloakes Quick .

Quick.

Worke vpon that now .

Touch.

Thou shamlesse Varlet dost thou iest at thy lawfull maister contrary to thy Indentures ?

Quick.

Why zbloud sir , my mother 's a Gentlewoman : and my father a Iustice of Peace , and of Quorum , and tho I am a yonger brother and a prentise yet I hope I am my fathers sonne : and by Gods lidde , t is for your worship and for your commoditie that I keepe companie . I am intertaind among gallants , true : They call me coozen Franke , right ; I lend them monnies , good ; they spend it , well . But when they are spent , must not they striue to get more ? must not their land flye ? and to whom ? shall not your worship ha , the refusall ? well , I am a good member of the Citty if I were well considered . How would Morchants thriue , if Gentlemen would not be vnthriftes ? How could Gentlemen be vnthrists if their humours were not fed ? How should their humours be fedde but by whit meate , and cunning secondings ? well , the Cittie might consider vs . I am going to an Ordinary now ; the gallants fall to play , I carry light golde with me : the gallants call coozen Francke some golde for siluer , I change , gaine by it , the gallants loose the gold ; and then call coozen Francke lend me some siluer . Why �

Tou.

Why ? I cannot tell , seue� score pound art thou out in the cash , but looke to it , I will not be gallanted out of my monies . And as for my rising by other mens fall ; God shield me . Did I gaine my wealth by Ordinaries ? no : by exchanging of gold ? no : by keeping of gallants company ? no . I hired me a little shop , fought low , tooke small gaine , kept no debt booke , garnished my shop for want of Plate , with good wholsome thriftie sentences ; As , Touchstone , keepe thy shopp , and thy shoppe will keepe thee . Light gaines makes heauy purses . T is good to be merry and wise : And when I was wiu'd , hauing something to stick too , I had the horne of Suretiship euer before my eyes : You all know the deuise of the Horne , where the young fellow slippes in at the Butte end , and comes squesd out at the Buckall : and I grew vp , and I praise prouidence , I beare my browes now as high as the best of my neighbours : but thou-well looke to the accounts , your fathers bond lyes for you : seuen score pound is yet in the reere .

Quick.

Why Slid sir , I haue as good , as proper gallants wordes for it as any are in London , Gentlemen of good phrase , perfect language , passingly behau'd , Gallants that weare socks and cleane linnen , and call me kinde coozen Francke , good coozen Francke , for they know my Father ; and by god ; lidde shall not I trust hem ? not trust ?

Enter a Page as inquiring for Touch-stones Shoppe . Golding .

What doe yee lacke Sir ? What i st you 'le buye Sir ?

Touch-stone .

I marry Sir , there 's a youth of another peece . There 's thy fellowe-Prentise , as good a Gentleman borne as thou art : nay , and better mean'd . But dos he pumpe it , or Racket it ? Well , if he thriue not , if he out-last not a hundred such crackling Bauins as thou art , God and men neglect industrie .

Gold.

It is his Shop , and here my M. walkes . To the Page .

Touch.

With me Boy ?

Page .

My Maister , Sir Petronel Flash , recommends his loue to you , and will instantly visite you ,

Touch.

To make vp the match with my eldest daughter , my wiues Dilling , whom she longs to call Maddam . He shall finde me vnwillingly readie Boy . Exit Page .

Ther 's another afliction too . As I haue two Prentises : the one of a boundlesse prodigalitie , the other of a most hopefull Industrie . So haue I onely two daughters : the eldest , of a proud ambition and nice wantonnesse : the other of a modest humilitie and comely sobernesse . The one must bee Ladyfied forsooth : and be attir'd just to the Court-cut , and long tayle . So farre is she ill naturde to the place and meanes of my preferment and fortune , that shee throwes all the contempt and dispight , hatred it selfe can cast vpon it . Well , a peece of Land she has , t' was her Grandmothers gift : let her , and her Sir Petronel , flash out that . But as for my substance , shee that skornes mee , as I am a Citizen and Trades-man , shall neuer pamper her pride with my industrie : shall neuer vse me as men doe Foxes ; keepe themselues warme in the skinne , and throwe the body that bare it to the dung-hill . I must goe intertaine this Sir Petronell . Goulding , My vtmost care 's for thee , and onely trust in thee , looke to the shoppe , as for you , Maister Quick-siluer , thinke of huskes , for thy course is running directly to the prodigaills hogs trough . huskes Sra. Works vpon that now .

Exit . Tuch . Quick.

Mary sough goodman flat-cap : Sfoot tho I am a prentise I can giue armes , and my father 's a iustice a peace by discent : and zbloud �

Goul.

Fye how you sweare .

Qui.

Sfoot man I am a Gentleman , and may sweare by my pedegree , God 's my life . Sirrah Goulding , wilt be ruled by a foole ? turne good fellow , turne swaggering gallant , and let the Welkin roare , and Erebus also : Looke not Westward to the fall of Don Phoebus , but to the East ; Eastward Hoe , " Where radiant beames of lusty Sol appeare , " And bright Eovs makes the welkin cleare . We are both Gentlemen , and therefore should be no coxcombes : le ts be no longer fooles to this flat-cap Touchstone . Eastward Bully : this Sattin belly , & Canuas backt Touchstone ; Slife man his father was a Malt-man , and his mother sould Ginger-bread in Christ-church .

Goul.

What would yee ha me doe ?

Quick.

Why do nothing , be like a gentleman , be idle the cursse of man is labour . Wipe thy bum with testones , & make Duckes and Drakes with shillings : What Eastward hoe . Wilt thou crie , what i st yee lack ? stand with a bare pate , and a dropping nose , vnder a wodden pent-house , and art a gentleman ? wilt thou beare Tankards , and maist beare Aimes ? be rul'd , turne gallant , Eastward hoe , ta lyre , lyre , ro . , Who calls Ieronimo ? speake here I am : gods so , how like a sheepe thou lookst , a my conscience some cowheard begot thee , thou Goulding of Goulding-hall , ha boy ?

Gou.

Goe , yee are a prodigall coxcombe , I a cowheards sonne , because I turne not a drunke� whore-hunting rake-hell like thy selfe ? Offers to draw , & Goulding trips vp his heeles and holds him .

Quick.

Rakehell ? rakehell ?

Goul.

Pish , in soft termes yee are a cowardly bragging boy . I le ha you whipt .

Quic.

Whipt , that 's good ifaith , vntrusse me ?

Goul.

No , thou wilt vndoe thy selfe . Alas I behold thee with pitty , not with anger ; thou common shot-clog , gull of all companies : mee thinkes I see thee already walking in Moore fields without a Cloake , with halfe a Hatte , without a band , a Doublet with three Buttons , without a girdle , a hose with one point and no Garter , with a cudgell vnder thine arme borrowing and begging three pence .

Quic.

Nay Slife , take this and take all : as I am a Gentleman borne , I le be drunke , grow valiant , and beate thee . Exit .

Goul.

Goe thou most madly vaine , whom nothing can recouer but that which reclaimes Athiests , and makes great persons sometimes religious : Calamitie . As for my place and life thus I haue read :

What ere some vainer youth may terme disgrace , The gaine of honest paines is neuer base : From trades from artes , from valor honor springs , These three are founts of gentry , yea of Kings . Enter Girtred , Mildrid , Bettrice , and Poldauy a Taylor , Poldauy with a faire gowne , Scotch Varthing all , and French fall in his armes , girted in a French head attire , & Cittizens gowne ; Mildred sowing , & Bettrice leading a Monkey after her . Gir.

For the passion of patience , looke if sir Petronell approach ; that sweet , that fine , that delicate , that � for loues sake tell me if he come . O sister Mill , though my father be a low capt tradsman , yet I must be a Lady : and I praise God my mother must call me Medam , ( does he come ? ) off with this gowne for shames sakes , off with this gowne : let not my Knight take me in the Citty cut in any hand : tear 't , pax on t ( does he come ) tear 't of . Thus whilst shee sleepes I sorrow , for her sake , &c.

Mil.

Lord sister , with what an immodest impaciencie and disgracefull scorne , doe you put off your Citty tier : I am sorrie to thinke you imagin to right your selfe , in wronging that which hath made both you and vs .

Gir.

I tell you I cannot indure it , I must be a Lady : do you weare your Quoiffe with a London licket ; your Stammell petticoate with two guardes , the Buffin gowne with the Tuftaffitic cape , and the Veluet lace . I must be a Lady , and I will be a Lady . I like some humors of the Cittie Dames well , to eate Cherries onely at an Angell a pound , good ; to dye rich Scarlet black , pretty : to line a Grogaram gowne cleane thorough with veluet , tollerable ; their pure linnen , their smocks of 3. li. a smock are to be borne withall . But your minsing niceryes , taffata pipkins , durance petticotes , & siluer bodkins : � Gods my life , as I shall be a Lady I cannot indure it . Is hee come yet ? Lord what a long knight t is ! And euer shee cride shoute home , and yet I knew one longer , and euer she cryde shoute home , fa , la , ly , re , lo , la .

Mil.

Well Sister , those that scorne their nest , oft flye with a sicke wing .

Gir.

Boe-bell .

Mil.

Where Titles presume to thrust before fit meanes to second them , Wealth and respect often growe sullen and will not follow . For sure in this , I would for your sake I spake not truth . Where ambition of place goes before fitnesse of birth , contempt and disgrace follow . I heard a Scholler once say , that Ulisses when he counterfeited himselfe madde , yoakt cattes , and foxes , and dogges togither to draw his plowe , whilst he followed and sowed salt : But sure I judge them truely madde , that yoake citizens and courtiers , trades men and souldiers , a gold-smiths daughter and a knight : well sister , pray God my father sowe not salt too .

Gir.

Alas , poore Mil . when I am a Lady , I le pray for thee yet I faith : Nay , and I le vouchsafe to call thee sister Mil still , for though thou art not like to be a Lady as I am , yet sure thou art a creature of Gods making ; and mayest paraduenture to bee sau'd as soone as I , ( dos he come ? ) And euer and anon she doubled in her song .

Now ( Ladyes my comfort ) What a prophane Ape 's here ! Tailer , Poldavis , prethee fit it fit it : is this a right Scot ? Does it clip close ? and beare vp round ? Pold.

Fine and stifly i faith , t will keepe your thighes so coole and make your waste so small : here was a fault in your bodie , but I haue supplyed the defect , with the effect of my steele instrument which , though it haue but one eye , can see to rectifie the imperfection of the proportion .

Gir.

Most aedefying Tailer ! I protest you Tailers are most sanctified members , and make many crooked thing goe vpright . How must I beare my hands ? light ? light ?

Pold.

O I , now you are in the Lady-fashion , you must doe all things light . Tread light , light . I and fall so : that 's the court-Amble . She trips about the stage .

Gir.

Has the Court nere a trot ?

Pold.

No , but a false gallop , Ladie .

Gir.

And if she will not goe to bed Cantat .

Bett.

The knights come forsooth .

Enter Sir Petronell , M. Touch-stone , and Mistris Touchstone . Gir.

Is my knight come ? O the Lord . my band ? Sister doo my cheekes looke well ? giue me a little boxe a the eare that I may see me to blush : now , now . So , there , there , there ! here he is : O my dearest delight , Lord , Lord , and how doe my Knight ?

Touch:

Fye , with more modestie .

Gir.

Modestie ! why I am no cittizen now , modestie ? am I not to bee married ? y' are best to keepe me modest now I am to be a Ladie .

Sir Petro.

Boldnes is good fashion and courtlike .

Gir.

I , in a countrie Ladie I hope it is : as I shall be . And how chaunce ye came no sooner knight ?

Sir Petro.

Faith , I was so intertaind in the Progresse with one Count Epernoum a welch knight : wee had a match at Baloone too , with my Lord Whachum , for foure crownes .

Gir.

At Baboone ? Iesu ! you and I will play at Baboone in the countrey ? Knight .

Sir Pet.

O sweet Lady : t is a strong play with the arme .

Gir.

With arme , or legge , or any other member , if it bee a court-sport . And when shal 's be married my Knight ?

Sir Pet.

I come now to consumate it ; and your father may call a poore Knight , Sonne in Law .

M. Touch.

Sir , ye are come , what is not mine to keepe , I must not be sorry to forgoe : A 100. li. Land her Grandmother left her , t is yours , her selfe ( as her mothers gift ) is yours . But if you expect ought from me , know , my hand and mine eyes open together ; I doe not giue blindly : Worke vpon that now .

Sir Pet.

Sir , you mistrust not my meanes ? I am a Knight .

Touch.

Sir , Sir ; What I know not , you will giue me leaue to say , I am ignorant of .

Mistris Touch.

Yes , that he is a Knight ; I know where he had money to pay the Gentlemen Vshers , and Heralds their Fees . I , that he is a Knight : and so might you haue beene too , if you had beene ought else then an Asse , aswell as some of your neighbours . And I thought you would not ha beene Knighted , ( as I am an honest woman ) I would ha dub'd you my self , I praise God I haue wherewithall . But as for you daughter . �

Gir.

I mother , I must bee a Ladie to morrow : and by your leaue mother ( I speake it not without my dutie , but onely in the right of my husband ) I must take place of you , Mother .

Mistris Touch.

That you shall Lady-daughter , and haue a Coach as well as I too .

Cir.

Yes mother . But by your leaue mother , ( I speake it not without my dutie but onely in my husbands right ) my Coach-horses must take the wall of your Coach-horses .

Touch-stone .

Come , come , the day growes low : t is supper time ; vse my house the wedding solemnitie is at my wifes cost ; thanke mee for nothing but my willing blessing : for ( I cannot faine ) my hopes are faint . And Sir , respect my daughter , shee has refus'd for you wealthy and honest matches , knowne good men , well monied , better traded , best reputed .

Gir.

Boddy a truth , Chittizens , Chittizens . Sweet Knight , as soone as euer wee are married , take mee to to thy mercie out of this miserable Chittie , presently , carry me out of the sent of New-castle Coale , and the hearing of Boe-bell , I beseech thee downe with me for God sake .

Touch.

Well daughter , I haue read , that olde wit sings :

The greatest riuers flow from little springs . Though thou art full , skorne not thy meanes at first , He that 's most drunke may soonest be a thirst . Worke vpon that now . All but Touch-stone , Mildred , and Goulding depart .

No , no ; yon'd stand my hopes .

Milared ,

Come hither daughter . And how approue you your sisters fashion ? how doe you phantsie her cho yee ? what dost thou thinke ?

Mil

I hope as a sister , well .

Touch.

Nay but , nay but how dost thou like her behauiour and humour ? speake freely .

Mil.

I am loath to speake ill : and yet I am sorry of this , I cannot speake well .

Touch.

Well : very good , as I would wish : A modest answere � Goulding , come hither : hither Golding . How dost thou like the Knight . Sir Flash ? dos he not looke bigge ? how likst thou the Elephant ? he sayes he has a castle in the Countrey .

Gould .

Pray heauen , the Elephant carry not his Castle on his backe .

Touch.

Fore heauen , very well : But seriously , how dost repute him ?

Gould .

The best I can say of him is , I know him not .

Touch.

Ha Gulding ? I commend thee , I approoue thee , and will make it appeare my affection is strong to thee . My wife has her humour , and I will ha , mine . Dost thou see my daughter here ? shee is not faire , well-fauoured or so , indifferent , which modest measure of beautie , shall not make it thy onely worke to watch her , nor sufficient mischaunce , to suspect her . Thou art towardly , shee is modest , thou art prouident , shee is carefull . Shee 's nowe mine : giue me thy hand , shee 's now thine . Worke vpon that now .

Gould .

Sir , as your sonne , I honour you ; and as your seruant obey you .

Touch.

Sayest thou so , come hither Mildred . Doe you see yon'd fellow ? he is a gentleman ( tho my Prentise ) & has somewhat to take too : a Youth of good hope ; well friended , wel parted . Are you mine ? You are his . Worke ( you ) vpon that now .

Mil.

Sir , I am all yours : your body gaue mee life , your care and loue hapinesse of life : let your vertue still direct it , for to your wisedome I wholy dispose my selfe .

Touch.

Sayst thou so ? be you two better acquainted . Lip her , Lip her knaue . So shut vp shop : in � We must make holiday .

This match shal on , for I intend to prooue Ex. Gol. & Mil. Which thriues the best , the meane or loftie loue . Whether fit Wedlock vowd twixt like and like . Or prouder hopes , which daringly ore strike Their place and meanes : t is honest Times expence . When seeming lightnesse beares a moral sense .

Worke vpon that now . Exit .

Actus secundi . Scena Prima . Touchstone , Quickesiluer , Goulding and Mildred , sitting on eyther side of the stall . Touch.

Quickesiluer , maister Frances Quickesiluer , maister Quickesiluer ? Enter Quickesiluer .

Qui.

Here sir ; ( vmp . )

Touch.

So sir ; nothing but flat Maister Quickesiluer ( without any familiar addition ) will fetch you : will you trusse my points sir ?

Quick.

I forsooth : ( vmp . )

Touch.

How now sir ? the druncken hyckop , so soone this morning ?

Quick.

T is but the coldnesse of my stomack forsooth .

Touch.

What ? haue you the cause naturall for it ? y' are a very learned drunckerd : I beleeue I shall misse some of my siluer spoones with your learning . The nuptiall night will not moisten your throate sufficiently , but the morning likewise must raine her dews into your gluttonous wesand .

Quick.

An 't please you sir , we did but drinke ( vmp , ) to the comming off , of the Knightly Bridegrome .

Touch.

To the comming off an'him ?

Quick.

I forsooth : we druncke to his comming on ( vmp , ) when we went to bed ; and now we are vp , we must drinke to his comming off : for that 's the chiefe honour of a Souldier sir , and therfore we must drinke so much the more to it , forsooth . ( vmp . )

Touch.

A very capitall reason . So that you goe to bed late , and rise early to commit drunkennesse ? you fullfill the Scripture very sufficient wickedly forsooth .

Quick.

The Knights men forsooth be still a their knees at it , ( vmp ) & because t is for your credit sir , I wold be loth to flinch .

Touch.

I pray sir , een to 'hem againe then ; y' are one of the seperated crew , one of my wiues faction , & my young Ladies , with who� & with their great match , I wil haue nothing to do .

Quick.

So sir , now I will go keepe my ( vmp ) credit with 'hem an 't please you sir .

Touch.

In any case Sir , lay one cup of Sack more alyour cold stomack , I beseech you .

Quick.

Yes forsooth . Exit . Quick .

Touch.

This is for my credit Seruants euer maintaine drunkennesse in their maisters house , for their maisters credit ; a good idle Seruing-mans reason : I thanke Time , the night is past ; I nere wakt to such cost ; I thinke we haue stowd more sorts of flesh in our bellies , then euer Noahs Arke receiued : and for Wine , why my house turnes giddie with it , and more noise in it then at a Conduict ; Aye me , euen beasts condemne our gluttonie . Well , 't is our Citties fault , which because we commit seldome , we commit the more sinfully , wee lose no time in our sensualitie , but we make amends for it ; O that we would do so in vertue , and religious negligences ; But see here are all the sober parcels my house can showe , I le cauesdrop , heare what thoughts they vtter this morning .

Enter Goulding . Goul.

But is it possible , that you seeing your sister preferd to the bed of a Knight , should containe your affections in the armes of a Prentice ?

Myl.

I had rather make vp the garment of my affections in some of the same peece , then like a foole weare gownes of two coulours , or mix Sackcloth with Sattin .

Goul.

And doe the costly garments ; the title and fame of a Lady the fashion ; obseruation , and reuerence proper to such preferment , no more enflame you , then such conuenience as my poore meanes and industrie can offer to your vertues ?

Mil.

I haue obseru'd that the bridle giuen to those violent flatteries of fortune , is seldome recouer'd ; they beare one headlong in desire from one noueltie to another : and where those ranging appetites raigne , there is euer more passion then reasons no staye , and so no happinesse . These hastie aduancements are not naturall ; Nature hath giuen vs legges , to goe to our obiects ; not wings to flie to them .

Goul.

How deare an obiect you are to my desires I cannot expresse , whose fruition would my maisters absolute consent and yours vouchsafe me , I should be absolutely happy . And though it were a grace so farre beyond my merit , that I should blush with vnworthinesse to receiue it , yet thus farre both my loue & my meanes shall assure your requitall ; you shall want nothing fit for your birth and education ; what encrease of wealth and aduancement the honest and orderly industrie & skill of our trade will affoorde in any , I doubt not will be aspirde by me ; I will euer make your contenment the end of my endeuours ; I will loue you aboue all ; and onely your griefe shall be my miserie ; and your delight , my felicitie .

Touch.

Worke vpon that now . By my hopes , he woes honestly and orderly ; he shal be Anchor of my hopes . Looke , see the ill yoakt monster his fellow .

Enter Quickesiluer vnlac'd , a towell about his necke , in his flat Cap , drunke . Quick.

Eastward Hoe ; Holla ye pampered Iades of Asia .

Touch.

Drunke now downe right , a , my fidelitie .

Quic.

( Vmp ) pulldo , Pulldo ; showse quoth the Caliuer .

Goul.

Fie fellow Quickesiluer , what a pickle are you in ?

Quic.

Pickle ? pickle in thy throate ; zounes pickle ? wa ha ho , good morow knight Petronell : morow lady Gouldsmith . come of , Knight , with a counterbuff , for the honor of knighthood .

Goul.

Why how now sir ? doe yee know where you are ?

Quic.

Where I am ? why sbloud you loulthead where I am ?

Goul.

Go to , go to , for shame go to bed , and sleepe out this immodestie : thou sham'st both my maister and his house .

Quick.

Shame ? what shame ? I thought , thou wouldst show thy bringing vp : and thou wert a Gentleman as I am , thou wouldst thinke it no shame to be drunke . Lend me some money , saue my credit , I must dine with the Seruing men and their wiues ; and their wiues sirha .

Gou.

E'ene who you will , I le not lend thee three pence .

Quic.

Sfoote lend me some money , hast thou not Hyren here ?

Touch.

Why how now sirha ? what vain 's this , hah ?

Quic.

Who cries on murther ? lady was it you ? how does our maister ? pray thee crie Eastward ho ?

Touch.

Sirha , sirrha , y' are past your hickvp now , I see y' are drunke .

Quic.

T is for your credit maister .

Touch.

And heare you keepe a whore in towne .

Quic.

T is for your credit Maister .

Touch.

And what you are out in Cashe , I know .

Quick.

So do I . my fathers a Gentleman , Worke vpon that now ; Eastward hoe .

Touch.

Sir , Eastward hoe , will make you go Westward ho ; I will no longer dishonest my house , nor endanger my stocke with your licence ; There sir , there 's your Indenture , all your apparell ( that I must know ) is on your back ; and from this time my doore is shut to you : from me be free ; but for other freedome , and the moneys you haue wasted ; Eastward ho , shall not serue you .

Quic.

Am I free a , my fetters ? Rense ; Flye with a Duck in thy mouth : and now I tell thee Touchstone �

Touch.

Good sir .

Quic.

When this eternall substance of my soule ,

Touch.

Well said , chandge your gould ends for your play ends .

Quick.

Did liue imprison'd in my wanton flesh .

Touch.

What then sir ?

Quic.

I was a Courtier in the Spanish court , and Don Andrea was my name .

Touch.

Good maister Don Andrea will you marche ?

Quic.

Sweete Touchstone , will you lend me two shillings ?

Touch.

Not a penny .

Quic.

Not a penny ? I haue friends , & I haue acquaintance , I will pisse at thy shop posts , and throw rotten Egges at thy signe : Worke vpon that now . Exit , staggering .

Touch.

Now sirha , you ? heare you ? you shall serue me no more neither ; not an houre longer .

Goul.

What meane you sir ?

Touch.

I meane to giue thee thy freedome ; & with thy freedome my daughter : & with my daughter a fathers loue . And with all these such a portion , as shall make Knight Petronell himselfe enuie thee : y' are both agreed ? are yee not ?

Ambo.

With all submission , both of thanks and dutie .

Tou.

Well then , the great powre of heaue� blesse & confirme you . And , Goulding , that my loue to thee may not showe lesse then my wiues loue to my eldest daughter ; thy mariage feast shall equall the Knights and hers .

Goul.

Let me beseech you , no Sir , the superfluitie and colde meate left at their Nuptialls , will with bountie furnish ours . The grossest prodigallitie is superfluous cost of the Bellye : nor would I wish any invitement of States or friendes , onely your reuerent presence and witnesse shall sufficiently grace and confirme vs .

Touch.

Sonne to mine owne bosome , take her and my blessing : The nice fondling , my Lady sir-reuerence , that I must not nowe presume to call daughter , is so rauish't with desire to hansell her new Coche , and see her knights Eastward Castle , that the next morning will sweate with her busie setting foorth , awaye will she and her mother , and while their preparation is making , our selues with some two or three other friends will consumate the humble matche , we haue in Gods name concluded .

T is to my wish ; for I haue often read , Fit birth , fit age , keepes long a quiet bed . T is to my wish ; For Tradesmen ( well t is knowne ) Get with more ease , then Gentrie keepes his owne . Exit . Securitie solus . Secu.

My priuie Guest , lustie Quickesiluer , has drunke too deepe of the Bride-boule , but with a little sleepe he is much recouered ; And I thinke is making himselfe readie , to bee drunke in a gallanter likenes : My house is as t' were the Caue , where the yong Out-lawe hoords the stolne vayles of his occupation ; And here when he will reuell it in his prodigall similitude , he retires to his Trunks , and ( I may say softly ) his Punks : he dares trust me with the keeping of both : for I am Securitie it selfe , my name is Securitie , the famous Vsurer .

Enter Quickesiluer in his Prentises Cote and Cap his gallant Breeches and Stockings , gartering himselfe . Securitie following . Quic.

Come old Securitie , thou father of destruction : th' indented Sheepeskinne is burn'd wherein I was wrapt , and I am now loose , to get more children of perdition into thy vsurous Bonds . Thou feed'st my Lecherie , and I thy Couetousnes : Thou art Pandar to me for my wench , and I to thee for thy coosenages : K. mee , K. thee , runnes through Court and Countrey .

Secu.

Well said my subtle Quickesiluer , These K's ope the dores to all this worldes felicitie : the dullest forehead sees it . Let not mast . Courtier thinke hee carries all the knauery on his shoulders : I haue poore Hob in the countrie , that has worne hob-nayles on 's shoes , haue as much villanie in 's head , as he that weares gold bottons in 's cap .

Quic.

Why man , t is the London high-way to thrift , if vertue bee vsde ; t is but as a scrappe to the nette of villanie . They that vse it simplie , thriue simplie I warrant : Waight and fashion makes Goldsmiths Cockolds .

Enter Syndefie , with Quicke-siluers doublet , Cloake , Rapier , and Dagger . Synd.

Here sir , put of the other halfe of your Prentiship .

Quick. Well sayd sweet Syn : bring forth my brauerie . Now let my Truncks shoote foor their silkes concealde , I now am free ; and now will iustifie My Trunkes and Punkes : Auant dull Flat-cap then , Via , the curtaine that shaddowed Borgia ; There lie thou huske of my envassail'd State . I Sampson now , haue burst the Philistins Bands , And in thy lappe my louely Dalida , I le lie and snore out my enfranchisde state . When Sampson was a tall yong man His power and strength increased than , He sould no more , nor cup , nor can , But did them all dispise . Old Touchstone , now wright to thy friends , For one to sell thy base gold ends Quickesiluer , now no more attends Thee Touchstone .

But Dad , hast thou seene my running Gelding drest to day ?

Secu.

That I haue Franck , the Ostler a' th Cocke , drest him for a Breakefast .

Quick.

What did he eate him ?

Secu.

No , but he eate his breakefast for dressing him : and so drest him for breakfast . Quicksiluer . O wittie Age , where age is young in witte , And al youths words haue gray beards full of it !

Hyn.

But ah-las Francke , how will all this bee maintain'd now ?

Your place maintain'd it before .

Quickesiluer .

Why and I maintainde my place . I le to the Court , another manner of place for maintenance I hope then the silly Cittie . I heard my father say , I heard my mother sing an olde Song and a true : Tou art a shee foole , and know'st not what belongs to our male wisedome . I shall bee a Marchaunt for-sooth : trust my estate in a wooden Troughe as hee does ? What are these Shippes , but Tennis Balles for the windes to play withall ? Tost from one waue to another ; Nowe vnder-line ; Nowe ouer the house ; Sometimes Bricke-wal'd against a Rocke , so that the guttes flye out againe : sometimes strooke vnder the wide Hazzard , and farewell Mast . Marchant .

Synnedefie .

Well Francke , well ; the Seas you say are vncertaine : But hee that sayles in your Court Seas , shall finde 'hem tenne times fuller of hazzard ; wherein to see what is to bee seene , is torment more then a free Spirite can indure ; But when you come to suffer , howe many Iniuries swallowe you ? What care and deuotion must you vse , to humour an imperious Lord ? proportion your lookes to his lookes ? smiles to his smiles ? fit your sayles to the winde of his breath ?

Quick.

Tush hee 's no Iourney-man in his craft , that can not doe that .

Sinnedefie .

But hee 's worse then a Prentise that does it , not onely humouring the Lorde , but euery Trencherbearer , euery Groome that by indulgence and intelligence crept into his fauour , and by Pandatisme into his Chamber ; He rules the roste : And when my honourable Lorde sayes it shall bee thus , my worshipfull Rascall ( the Groome of his close stoole ) sayes it shall not bee thus , claps the doore after him , and who dares enter ? A Prentise , quoth you ? t is but to learne to liue , and does that disgrace a man ? hee that rises hardly , stands firmely : but hee that rises with ease , Alas , falles as easily .

Quickesiluer .

A pox on you , who taught you this morrallitie ?

Securitie .

T is long of this wittie Age , Maister Francis . But indeede , Mistris Synnedefie , all Trades complaine of inconuenience , and therefore t is best to haue none . The Marchaunt hee complaines , and sayes , Trafficke is subiect to much vncertaintie and losse : let 'hem keepe their goods on dry land with a vengeaunce , and not expose other mens substances to the mercie of the windes , vnder protection of a woodden wall ( as Maister Francis sayes ) and all for greedie desire , to enrich themselues with vnconscionable gaine , two for one , or so : where I , and such other honest men as liue by lending money , are content with moderate profite ; Thirtie , or Fortie i' th' hundred : so wee may haue it with quietnesse , and out of perill of winde and weather , rather then runne those daungerous courses of trading , as they doe .

Quick.

I Dad thou mayst well bee called Securitie , for thou takest the safest course .

Securitie .

Faith the quieter , and the more contented ; and , out of doubt , the more godly . For Marchants in their courses are neuer pleas'd , but euer repining against Heauen : One prayes for a Westerly winde to carry his shippe foorth ; another for an Easterly to bring his shippe home ; and at euery shaking of a lease , hee falles into an agonie , to thinke what daunger his Shippe is in on such a Coast , and so foorth . The Farmer hee is euer at oddes with the Weather , sometimes the clowdes haue beene too barren ; Sometimes the Heauens forgette themselues , their Haruests answere not their hopes ; Sometimes the Season falles out too fruitefull , Corne will beare no price , and so foorth . Th' Artificer , hee 's all for a stirring worlde , if his Trade bee too full and fall short of his expectation , then falles he out of ioynt . Where we that trade nothing but money , are free from all this , wee are pleas'd with all weathers : let it raine or hold vp , bee calme or windy , let the season be whatsoeuer , let Trade goe how it will , wee take all in good part ; een what please the heauens to send vs ; so the Sunne stand not still ; and the Moone keepe her vsuall returnes ; and make vp dayes , moneths , and yeares .

Quick.

And you haue good securitie ?

Secu.

I mary Francke , that 's the speciall point .

Quick.

And yet forsooth wee must haue Trades to liue withall ; For wee cannot stand without legges , nor flye without wings ; and a number of such skurvie phrases . No , I say still ; hee that has wit , let him liue by his wit : hee that has none , let him be a Trades-man .

Secu.

Witty Maister Francis !

T is pittie any Trade should dull that quicke braine of yours . Doe but bring Knight Petronell into my Parchment Toyles once , and you shall neuer neede to toyle in any trade , a my credit ! You know his wiues Land ?

Quickesiluer .

Euen to a foote Sir , I haue beene often there : a pretie fine Seate , good Land , all intire within it selfe .

Secu.

Well wooded ?

Quick.

Two hundered pounds woorth of wood readye to fell . And a fine sweete house that stands iust in the midst an 't , like a Pricke in the midst of a Circle ; would I were your Farmer , for a hundred pound a yeere .

Secu.

Excellent M. Francis ; how I do long to doe thee good : How I doe hunger , and thirst to haue the honour to inrich thee ? I , euen to die , that thou mightest inherite my liuing : euen hunger and thirst , for a my Religion , M. Francis . And so tell Knight Petrouell I doe it to doe him a pleasure .

Quickesiluer .

Marry Dad , his horses are now comming vp , to beare downe his Ladie , wilt thou lend him thy stable to set 'hem in ?

Secur.

Faith M. Francis , I would be lothe to lend my Stable out of dores , in a greater matter I will pleasure him , but not in this .

Quick.

A pox of your hunger and thirst . Well Dad , let him haue money : All he could any way get , is bestowed on a Ship , now bound for Virginia : the frame of which voiage is so closely conuaide , that his new Ladie nor any of her friendes know it . Notwithstanding , as soone as his Ladyes hand is gotten to the sale of her inheritance , and you haue furnisht him with money , he will instantly hoyst Saile , and away .

Secur.

Now a Franck gale of winde goe with him , Maister Franke , we haue too few such knight aduenturers : who would not sell away competent certainties , to purchase ( with any danger ) excellent vncertainties ? your true knight venturer euer does it . Let his wife seale to day , he shall haue his money to day .

Qui.

To morrow she shall , Dad , before she goes into the cou�try , to worke her to which actio , with the more engines , I purpose presently to preferre my sweete Sinne here , to the place of her Gentlewoman ; whom you ( for the more credit ) shall present as your friends daughter , a Gentlewoman of the countrie , new come vp with a will for a while to learne fashions for-sooth , and be toward some Ladie ; and she shall buzz prettie deuises into her Ladies eare ; feeding her humors so seruiceablie ( as the manner of such as she is you know . )

Secur.

True good Maister Fraunces .

Enter Sindefie . Quic.

That she shall keepe her Port open to any thing she commends to her .

Secur.

A' my religion , a most fashionable proiect ; as good she spoile the Lady , as the Lady spoile her ; for t is three to one of one side : sweete mistresse Sinne , how are you bound to maister Frances ! I doe not doubt to see you shortly wedde one of the head men of our cittie .

Sinne.

But sweete Franke , when shall my father Securitie present me ?

Quic.

With all festination ; I haue broken the Ice to it already ; and will presently to the Knights house , whether , my good old Dad , let me pray thee with all formallitie to man her .

Secur.

Commaund me Maister Frances ; I doe hunger and thirst to doe thee seruice . Come sweete Mistresse Sinne , take leaue of my Wynnifride , and we will instantly meete francke Maister Frances at your Ladies .

Enter Winnifride aboue . Win.

Where is my Cu there ? Cu ?

Secur.

I Winnie .

Win.

Wilt thou come in , sweete Cu ?

Secur.

I Wynney , presently . Exeunt .

Quic.

I Wynney , quod he ? that 's all he can doe poore man ; he may well cut off her name at Wynney . O t is an egregious Pandare ! what will not an vsurous knaue be , so he may bee riche ? O 't is a notable lewes trump ! I hope to liue to see dogs meate made of the old Vsurers flesh ; Dice of his bones ; and Indentures of his skinne : and yet his skinne is too thicke to make Parchment , 't would make good Bootes for a Peeter man to catch Salmon in . Your onely smooth skinne to make fine Vellam is your Puritanes skinne ; they be the smoothest and slickest knaues in a countrie .

Enter Sir Tetronell in Bootes with a riding wan . Petr.

I le out of this wicked towne as fast as my horse can trot : Here 's now no good action for a man to spend his time in . Tauerns growe dead ; Ordinaries are blowne vp ; Playes are at a stand ; Howses of Hospitallitie at a fall ; not a Feather wauing , nor a Spurre gingling any where : I le away instantlie .

Qui.

Y 'ad best take some crownes in your purse Knight , or else your Eastward Castle will smoake but miserably .

Petr.

O Francke ! my castle ? Alas all the Castles I haue , are built with ayre , thou know'st .

Quic.

I know it Knight , and therefore wonder whether your Lady is going .

Pet.

Faith to seeke her Fortune I thinke . I said I had a castle and land Eastward , and Eastward she will without contradiction ; her coach , and the coach of the Sunne must meete full butt : And the Sunne being out shined with her Lady-ships glorie , she feares hee goes Westward to hange himselfe .

Quic.

And I feare , when her enchanted Castle becomes inuisible , her Ladyship will returne and follow his example .

Petr.

O that she would haue the grace , for I shall neuer be able to pacific her , when she sees her selfe deceiued so .

Quic.

As easely as can be . Tell her she mistooke your directions , and that shortly , your selfe will downe with her to approoue it ; and then , cloath but her croupper in a new Gowne , and you may driue her any way you list : for these wome� Sir , are like Essex Calues , you must wriggle 'hem on by the tayle still , or they will neuer driue orderly .

Petr.

But alas sweet Francke , thou know'st my habilitie will not furnish her bloud with those costly humors .

Quic.

Cast that cost on me Sir , I haue spoken to my olde Pandare Securitie , for money or commoditie ; and commoditie ( if you will ) I know he will procure you .

Petr.

Commoditie ! Alas what commoditie ?

Qui.

Why Sir ? what say you to Figges , and Raysons ?

Petr.

A plague of Figges and Raysons , and all such fraile commodities , we shall make nothing of 'hem .

Quic.

Why then Sir , what say you to Fortie pound in rosted Beefe ?

Petr.

Out vpon 't , I haue lesse stomacke to that , then to the Figges and Raysons : I le out of Towne , though I soiourne with a friend of mine , for staye here I must not ; my creditors haue laide to arrest me , and I haue no friend vnder heauen but my Sword to baile me .

Qui.

Gods me Knight , put 'hem in sufficient sureties , rather then let your Sworde bayle you ; Let 'hem take their choice , eyther the Kings Benche , or the Fleete , or which of the two Counters they like best , for by the Lord I like none of 'hem .

Petr.

Well Francke there is no iesting with my earnest necessitie ; thou know'st if I make not present money to further my voyage begun all 's lost , and all I haue laid out about it .

Qui.

Why then Sir in earnest , if you can get your wise Lady to set her hand to the sale of her Inheritance , the bloud hound Securitie will smell out ready money for you instantly .

Petro.

There spake an Angell . To bring her to which conformitie , I must faine my selfe extreamly amorous ; and alledging vrgent excuses for my stay , behinde , part with her as passionately , as she would from her foysting hound .

Qui.

You haue the Sowe by the right eare Sir : I warrant there was neuer Childe longd more to ride a Cock horse , or weare his new coate , the� she longs to ride in her new Coache : She would long for euery thing when she was a maide ; and now she will runne mad for 'hem : I laye my life she will haue euery yeare foure children ; and what charge and change of humour you must endure while she is with childe ; and how she will tie you to your tackling till she be with child , a Dog would not endure : Nay , there is no Turne-spit Dog bound to his wheele more seruily , then you shall be to her wheele ; For as that Dogge can neuer climbe the top of his wheele , but when the toppe comes vnder him : so shall you neuer clime the top of her contentment , but when she is vnder you .

Petr.

Slight how thou terrifiest me ?

Quic.

Nay harke you sir ; what Nurses , what Midwiues , what Fooles , what Phisitions , what cunning women must be sought for ( fearing sometimes she is bewitcht , some times in a consumption ) to tell her tales , to talke bawdy to her , to make her laughe , to giue her glisters , to let her bloud vnder the tongue , and betwixt the toes ; how she will reuile and kisse you ; spit in your face , and lick it off againe ; how she will vaunt you are her Creature ; shee made you of nothing ; how shee could haue had thousand marke ioyntures ; she could haue bin made a Lady by a Scotche Knight ; & neuer ha' married him : Shee could haue had Poynados in her bed euery morning ; how she set you vp , and how she will pull you downe : you le neuer be able to stand of your legges to endure it .

Petr.

Out of my fortune , what a death is my life bound face to face too ? The best is , a large Time-fitted conscience is bound to nothing : Marriage is but a forme in the Schoole of Policie , to which Schollers sit fastned onely with painted chaines , old Securities young wife is nere the further of with me .

Quic.

Thereby lyes a tale sir . The old vsurer will be here instantly , with my Puncke Syndefie , whome you know your Lady has promist mee to entertaine for her Gentlewoman : and he ( with a purpose to feede on you ) inuites you most solemnly by me to supper .

Petr.

It falls out excellently fitly : I see desire of gaine makes Iealousie venturous : Enter Gyrt :

See Francke here comes my Lady ; Lord how she viewes thee , she knowes thee not I thinke in this brauerie .

Gyr.

How now ? who be you I pray ?

Quic.

One maister Frances Quickesiluer , an 't please your Ladiship .

Gyr.

Gods my dignitie ! as I am a Lady , if he did not make me blush so that mine eyes stood awater , would I were vnmaried againe : Enter Securitie and Sindefie .

Where 's my woman I pray ?

Qui.

See Madam , she now comes to attend you .

Secur.

God saue my honourable Knight , and his worshipfull Lady .

Gyr.

Y' are very welcome ! you must not put on your Hat yet .

Secur.

No Madam ; till I know your Ladiships further pleasure , I will not presume .

Gyr.

And is this a Gentlemans daughter new come out of the countrie ?

Secur.

She is Madam ; & one that her Father hath a speciall care to bestowe in some honourable Ladies seruice , to put her out of her honest humours forsooth , for she had a great desire to be a Nun , an 't please you .

Gyr.

A Nun ? what Nun ? a Nun Substantiue ? or a Nun Adiectiue ?

Secur.

A Nun Substantiue Madam I hope , if a Nun be a Noune . But I meane , Lady , a vowd maide of that order .

Gyr.

I le teach her to be a maide of the order I warrant you : and can you doe any worke belongs to a Ladyes Chamber ?

Synde.

What I cannot doe , Madam , I would bee glad to learne .

Gyr.

Well said , hold vp then ; hold vp your head I say , come hether a little .

Synd.

I thanke your Ladiship .

Gyr.

And harke you ; Good man , you may put on your Hatt now , I doe not looke on you : I must haue you of my faction now ; not of my Knights , maide .

Synd.

No forsooth Madam of yours .

Gyr.

And draw all my seruants in my Bowe , and keepe my counsell , and tell me tales , and put me Riddles and reade on a booke sometimes when I am busie , and laugh at countrie Gentlewomen , and command any thing in the house for my reteiners , and care not what you spend , for it is all mine ; and in any case , be still a Maide what soeuer you doe , or whatsoeuer any man can doe vnto you .

Secur.

I warrant your Ladiship for that .

Gyr.

Very well , you shall ride in my coach with me into the country to morrow morning ; Come Knight , pray thee le ts make a short supper , and to bed presently .

Secur.

Nay good Madam , this night I haue a short Supper at home , waites on his worships acceptation .

Gyr.

By my faith but he shall not goe Sir ; I shall swoune and he sup from me .

Petr.

Pray thee forbeare ; shall he lose his prouision ?

Gyr.

I by Lady Sir , rather then I lose my longing ; come in I say : as I am a Lady you shall not goe .

Quic.

I told him what a Burre he had gotten .

Secur.

If you will not sup from your Knight Madam , let me entreate your Ladiship to sup at my house with him .

Gyr.

No by my faith Sir , then we cannot be a bed soone enough , after supper .

Petr.

What a Medcine is this ? well Maister Securitie , you are new married as well as I ; I hope you are bound as well : we must honour our young wiues you know .

Quic.

In pollicie Dad , till to morrow she has seald .

Secur.

I hope in the morning yet your Knight-hood will breake-fast with me .

Petr.

As early as you will Sir .

Secur.

Thanke your good worship ; I do hunger and thirst to do you good Sir .

Gyr.

Come sweete Knight come , I do hunger and thyrst to be a bed with thee . Exeunt .

Actus Tertii . Scaena Prima . Enter Petronell , Quicksiluer , Securitie , Bramble , and Wynnifrid . Petr.

Thankes for our feastlike Breakefast good Maister Securitie , I am sory , ( by reason of my instant haste to so long a voyage as Virginia , ) I am without meanes , by any kinde amends to show how affectionatly I take your kindnesse , and to confirme by some worthy ceremonie a perpetuall league of friendship betwixt vs .

Secur.

Excellent Knight ; let this be a token betwixt vs of inuiolable friendship : I am new marryed to this fayre Gentlewoman you know ; & ( by my hope to make her fruitefull though I be something in yeares ) I vowe faithfully vnto you , to make you Godfather ( though in your absence ) to the first childe I am blest withall ; and henceforth call me Gossip I beseech you , if you please to accept it .

Petr.

In the highest degree of gratitude , my most worthy Gossip ; for confirmation of which friendly title , let me entreate my faire Gossip your Wife here , to accept this Diamond , and keepe it as my gift to her first Childe , wheresoeuer my Fortune in euent of my Voyage shall bestowe me .

Secur.

How now my coye wedlock ! make you strange of so Noble a fauour ? take it I charge you , with all affection , and ( by way of taking your leaue ) present boldly your lips to our honourable Gossip .

Quick.

How ventrous he is to him , and how iealous to others !

Pet.

Long may this kinde touch of our lippes Print in our hearts al the formes of affection . And now my good Gossip , if the writings be ready to which my wife should seale , let them be brought this morning , before she takes Coache into the countrie , and my kindnesse shall worke her to dispatche it .

Secur.

The writings are ready Sir . My learned counsell here , Maister Bramble , the Lawyer hath perusde them ; and within this houre , I will bring the Scriuenour with them to your worshipfull Lady .

Petr.

Good Maister Bramble , I will here take my leaue of you then ; God send you fortunate Pleas sir , and contentious Clients .

Bram.

And you foreright windes Sir , and a fortunate voyage . Exit . Enter a Messenger .

Mess.

Sir Petronell , here are three or foure Gentlemen desire to speake with you .

Pet.

What are they ?

Qui.

They are your followers in this voyage Knight , Captaine Seagull and his associates , I met them this morning , and told them you would be here .

Pet.

Let them enter I pray you , I know they long to bee gone , for their stay is dangerous .

Enter Seagull , Scapethrift , and Spendall . Sea.

God saue my honourable Collonell .

Pet.

Welcome good Captaine Seagull , and worthy Gentlemen , if you will meete my friend Francke here , and me , at the blew Anchor Tauerne by Billinsgate this Euening , we will there drinke to our happy voyage , be merry , and take Boate to our Ship with all expedition .

Spoyl .

Deferre it no longer I beseech you Sir , but as your voyage is hetherto carried closely , and in another Knights name , so for your owne safetie and ours , let it be continued , our meeting and speedy purpose of departing knowne to as few as is possible , least your Ship and goods be attacht .

Qui.

Well aduisd Captaine our Collonell shall haue money this morning to dispatch all our departures , bring those Gentlemen at night to the place appointed , and with our skinnes full of vintage , wee le take occasion by the vantage , and away .

Spoyl .

We will not faile but be there sir .

Pet.

Good morrow good Captaine , and my worthy associates . Health and all Soueraigntie to my beautifull gossip , for you sir , we shall see you presently with the writings .

Secur.

With writings and crownes to my honorable gossip : I do hunger and thirst to doe you good sir . Exeunt .

Actus tertii . Scena Secunda . Enter a Coachman in hast in 's frock feeding . Coach.

Heer 's a stirre when Cittizens ride out of Towne indeed , as if all the house were a fire ; Slight they will not giue a man leaue , to eat 's breakfast afore he rises .

Enter Hamlet a footeman in haste . Ham.

What Coachman ? my Ladyes Coach for shame ; her ladiship 's ready to come downe ;

Enter Potkinn , a Tankerd bearer . Pot.

Sfoote Hamlet ; are you madde ? whether run you now you should brushe vp my olde Mistresse ?

Enter Syndefye . Synd.

What Potkinn ? you must put off your Tankerd , and put on your blew cote and waite vpon Mistrisse Toochstone into the country . Exit .

Pot.

I will forsooth presently . Exit .

Enter Mistresse Fond , and Mistresse Gazer . Fond.

Come sweete Mistresse Gazer , le ts watch here , and see my Lady Flashe take coach .

Gaz.

A my word heer 's a most fine place to stand in , did you see the new Ship lancht last day Mistresse Fond .

Fond.

O God , and we cittizens should loose such a sight ?

Gaz.

I warrant , here will be double as many people to see her take coach , as there were to see it take water .

Fond.

O shee 's married to a most fine Castle ' i th' countrey they say ?

Gaz.

But there are no Gyants in the Castle , are there ?

Fond.

O no , they say her Knight kild 'hem all and therefore he was knighted .

Gaz.

Would to God her Ladiship would come away .

Enter Gyr. Mistris Tooch . Synd. Ham . Por. Fond.

She comes , she comes , she comes .

Gaz.

Fond . Pray heauen blesse your Ladiship .

Gyr.

Thanke you good people ; my coach for the loue of Heauen , my coach ? in good truth I shall swoune else .

Ham.

Coach ? coach my Ladies coach . Exit .

Gir.

As I am a Lady , I thinke I am with child already , I long for a coach so ; may one be with childe afore they are married Mother ?

Mist. Touch.

I by 'r ladie Madam , a little thing does that ; I haue seene a little prick no bigger then a pins head , swell bigger and bigger , til it has come to an Ancome ; & eene so t is in these cases .

Enter Ham. Ham.

Your Coach is comming , Madam .

Gyr.

That 's well said ; Now heauen ! me thinks , I am eene vp to the knees in preferment ; But a little higher , but a little higher , but a little higher , There , there , there lyes Cupids fire .

Mist. Touch.

But must this young man , an 't please you Madam , run by your coach all the way a foote ?

Gyr.

I by my faith I warrant him , he giues no other milke , as I haue an other seruant does .

Mist. Touch.

Ahlas ! t is eene pittie me thinks ; for Gods sake Madam buy him but a Hobbie horse , let the poore youth haue something betwixt his legges to ease 'hem ; Ahlas ! we must do as we would be done too ;

Gir.

Goe too , hold your peace dame , you talke like an olde foole I tell you .

Enter Petr. and Quicksiluer . Pet.

Wilt thou be gone , sweete Honny suckle , before I can goe with thee ?

Gyr.

I pray thee sweete Knight let me ; I do so long to dresse vp thy castle afore thou com'st : But I marle howe my modest Sister occupies her selfe this morning , that shee can not waite on me to my Coach , as well as her mother !

Quick.

Mary Madam , shee 's married by this time to Prentise Goulding ; your Father , and some one more , stole to Church with 'hem , in all the haste , that the cold meat lest at your wedding , might serue to furnish their Nuptiall table .

Gyr.

There 's no base fellowe , my Father , nowe : but hee 's eene fit to Father such a Daughter : he must call me daughter no more now ; but Madam ; and please you Madam : and please your worship Madam , indeede ; out vpon him , marry his daughter to a base Prentise ?

Mist. Touch.

What should one doe ? is there no lawe for one that marries a womans daughter against her will ? howe shall we punish him Madam .

Gyr.

As I am a Lady an 't would snowe , wee 'd so peble 'hem with snowe bals as they come from Church ; but sirra , Franck Quicksiluer .

Quick.

I Madam .

Gir.

Dost remember since thou and I clapt what d'ye clats ' in the Garrat ?

Quick.

I know not what you meane Madam .

Gyr. His head as white as mylke , All flaxen was his haire : But now he is dead , And laid in his Bedd , And neuer will come againe .

God be at your labour .

Enter Touch . Gould . Mild. with Rosemary . Pet.

Was there euer such a Lady ?

Quic.

See Madam , the Bride and Bridegrome :

Gyr.

Gods my precious ! God giue you ioy Mistrisse What lacke you . Now out vpon thee Baggage : my sister married in a Taffeta Hat ? Mary hang you ; Westward with a wanio� te' yee , Nay I haue done we ye Minion the? y'faith , neuer looke to haue my countnance any more : nor any thing I can do for thee . Thou ride in my Coach ? or come downe to my Castle ? fie vpon thee : I charge thee in my Ladiships name , call me Sister no more .

Touch.

An 't please your worship , this is not your Sister : This is my daughter , and she call me Father , and so does not your Ladiship an 't please your worship Madam .

Mist. Touch.

No nor she must not call thee Father by Heraldrie , because thou mak'st thy Prentise thy Sonne as well as she ; Ah thou misproude Prentise , dar'st thou presume to marry a Ladies Sister ?

Gou.

It pleas'd my Master forsooth to embolden me with his fauour : And though I confesse my selfe farre vnworthie so worthy a wife ( beeing in part , her seruant , as I am your Prentise ) yet ( since I may say it without boasting ) I am borne a Gentleman , and by the Trade I haue learn'd of my Master ( which I trust taints not my blood ) able with mine owne Industrie and portion to maintaine your daughter , my hope is , heauen will so blese our humble beginning , that in the end I shal be no disgrace to the grace with which my Master hath bound me his double Prentise .

Touch.

Master me nomore Sonne if thou think'st me worthy to be thy father .

Gry.

Sunne ? Now good Lord how he shines and you marke him ! hee 's a gentleman .

Gon.

I indeede Madam , a Gentleman borne .

Pet.

Neuer stand a' your Gentrye M. Bridgegrome : if your legges be no better then your Armes , you 'le be able to stand vpon neither shortly .

Touch.

An 't please your good worshippe Sir , there are two sorts of Gentlemen .

Pet.

What meane you Sir ?

Touch.

Bold to put off my hat to your worshippe .

Pet.

Nay pray forbeare Sir , and then foorth with your two sorts of Gentlemen .

Touch.

If your worship will haue it so ? I saye there are two sorts of Gentlemen . There is a Gentleman Artificiall , and a gentleman Naturall ; Now , though your worship be a Gentleman Naturall : Worke vpon that now .

Quick.

Well said olde Touchstone , I am proude to heare thee enter a set speech yfaith , forth I beseech thee .

Touch.

Cry you mercie Sir , your worship 's a Gentleman , I doe not know ? if you bee one of my acquaintance y' are very much disguisde Sir .

Quick.

Go too old Quipper : forth with thy speech I say .

Touch.

What Sir , my speeches were euer in vaine to your gratious worship : And therefore till I speake to you gallantry in deed , I will saue my breath for my broth anon . Come my poore sonne and daughter ; Let vs hide our selues in our poore humilitie and liue safe : Ambition consumes it selfe , with the very show . Worke vpon that now .

Gyr.

Let him goe , let him goe for Gods sake : let him make his Prentise , his sonne for Gods sake : giue away his daughter for Gods sake : and when they come a begging to vs for Gods sake , let 's laugh at their good husbandry for Gods sake . Fare-well sweet Knight , pray thee make haste after .

Pet.

What shall I say ? I would not haue thee goe ,

Quick. Now , O now , I must depart ; Parting though it absence moue , This Dittie knight , doe I see in thy lookes in Capitall Letters . What a grief 't is to depart , and leaue the slower that has my hart ? My sweete Ladie , and alacke for wee , why should we part so ?

Tell truth Knight , and shame all dissembling Louers ; does not your paine lye on that side ?

Pet.

If it doe , canst thou tell me how I may cure it ?

Quick.

Excellent easily ; diuide your selfe in two halfes , iust by the girdlestead ; send one halfe with your Lady , and keepe the tother your selfe : or else doe as all true Louers doe , part with your heart and leaue your bodie behinde : I haue seen 't done a hundred times : T is as easie a matter for a Louer to part without a heart from his sweete heart , and he nere the worse : as for a Mouse to get from a Trappe and leaue her taile behinde him . See here comes the Writings .

Enter Securitie with a Scriuener . Secu.

Good morrow to my worshipfull Ladie . I present your Ladishippe with this writing ; to which if you please to set your hand , with your Knights , a veluet Gowne shall attend your iourney a' my credite .

Gir.

What Writing is it Knight ?

Petrenell .

The sale ( sweete heart ) of the poore Tenement I tolde thee off , onely to make a little money to sende thee downe furniture for my Castle , to which my hand shall lead thee .

Gyr.

Very well : Now giue me your Pen I pray .

Qui.

It goes downe without chewing y'faith .

Scriue.

Your worships deliuer this as your deede ?

Ambo.

Wee doe .

Gyr.

So now Knight farewell till I see thee .

Pet.

All farewell to my sweet heart .

Mistris Touch.

God-boye , sonne Knight .

Pet.

Farewell my good Mother .

Gyr.

Farewell Francke , I would faine take thee downe if I could .

Quickesiluer .

I thanke your good Ladiship ; Farewell Mistrie Syndifie . Exeunt .

Pet.

O tedious Voyage , where of there is no ende ! What will they thinke of me ?

Quick.

Thinke what they list ; They long'd for a vagarie into the Countrie , and now they are fitted : So a woman marry to ride in a Coach , she cares not if she ride to her Ruine ; T is the great ende of many of their mariages : This is not first time a Lady has ridde a false iournie in her Coach I hope .

Pet.

Nay , t is no Matter , I care little what they thinke ; hee that wayes mens thoughts , has his handes full of nothing : A man in the course of this worlde should bee like a Surgeons instrument , worke in the woundes of others , and feele nothing himselfe . The sharper , and subtler , the better .

Quickesiluer .

As it falles out nowe Knight , you shall not neede to deuise excuses , or endure her out cryes , when shee returnes ; wee shall now bee gone before , where they can not reache vs .

Petronell .

Well my kinde Compere , you haue now Th' assurance we both can make you ; let mee now entreate you , the money wee agree'd on may bee brought to the Blewe Ancor , nere to Billings-gate , by Six a Clocke : where I and my cheife friends , bound for this voyage , will with Feastes attend you .

Secu.

The money my most honorable Compere , shall without fayle obserue your appointed howre .

Pet. Thankes my deare Gossip . I must now impart To your approued loue , a louing secret : As one on whome my life doth more relie In friendly trust , then any man aliue . Nor shall you be the chosen Secretarie Of my affections , for affection onely ; For I protest , ( if God blesse my returne , ) To make you Partner , in my actions gaine As deepely , as if you had ventur'd with me Halfe my expences . Know then , honest Gossip , I haue inioyed with such diuine contentment , A Gentle womans Bedde , whome you well knowe , That I shall nere enioy this tedious Voiage , Nor liue the lest part of the time it asketh , Without her presence ; So I thirst and hunger To taste the deare feast of her companie . And if the hunger and the thirst you vow ( As my sworne Gossip ) to my wished good Be ( as I knowe it is ) vnfainde and firme , Doe mee an easie fauour in your Power . Secur. Bee sure braue Gossip , all that I can doe To my best Nerue , is wholly at your seruice : Who is the woman ( first ) that is your friend ? Pet. The woman is your learned Counsailes wife , The Lawyer Maister Bramble : whome would you , Bring out this Euen , in honest Neighbour-hood To take his leaue with you , of me your Gossip . I , in the meane time , will send this my friende Home to his house , to bring his wife disguis'd Before his face , into our companie : For Loue hath made her looke for such a wile , To free her from his tyranous Ielosie . And I would take this course before another : In stealing her away to make vs sport , And gull his circumspection the more grosely . And I am sure that no man like your selfe , Hath credite with him to entice his Ielosie , To so long staye abrode , as may giue time To her enlardgment , in such safe disguise . Secu. A pretie , pithie , and most pleasant proiect ! Who would not straine a point of Neigh-bourhood , For such a point , de-vice ? that as the shippe Of famous Draco , went about the world , Will wind about the Lawyer , compassing , The world him selfe , he hath it in his armes : And that 's enough , for him , without his wife . A Lawyer is Ambitious , and his head , Can not bee prais'de , nor rais'de too high , With any Forcke , of highest knauerye . I le goe fetche her straight . Exit Securitie . Per. So , so , Now Franke goe thou home to his house , Stead of his Lawyers , and bring his wife hether : Who iust like to the Lawyers wife , is prison'd , With his sterne vsurous Ielosie ; which could neuer Be ouer reacht-thus , but with ouer-reaching . Enter Securitie . Secu. And M. Francis , watch you th' instant time To Enter with his Exit : t'wilbe rare , Two fine horn'd Beastes A Cammell and a Lawyer ! Quickesiluer . How the olde villaine ioyes in villany ? Enter Secur . And harke you Gossip , when you haue her here , Haue your Bote ready , shippe her to your Ship With vtmost haste , lest Maister Bramble stay you , To o're reach that head that outreacheth all heads ? T is a trick Rampant ; T is a very Quiblyn ; I hope this haruest , to pitch cart with Lawyers ; Their heads wil be so forked ; This slie tooche Will get Apes to inuent a number such . Exit . Quick.

Was euer Rascall , honied so with poyson ? He that delights in slauish Auarice . Is apt to ioy in euery sort of vice .

Wel , I le goe fetch his wife , whilst he the Lawyers .

Pet.

But stay Franck , le ts thinke how we may disguise her vpon this sodaine .

Quick.

Gods me there 's the mischiefe ; but harke you , here 's an excellent deuice ; fore God a Rare one : I will carry her a Saylers gowne and cap and couer her ; & a players beard ;

Pet.

And what vpon her head ?

Quick.

I tell you a Sailers Cap : slight God forgiue mee , what kind of figent memory haue you ?

Pet. Nay then , what kinde of figent wit hast thou ? A Saylers cap ? how shall she put it off When thou presentst her to our companie ? Quick.

Tush man , for that , make her a sawcie sayler .

Pet.

Tush tush t is no fit sawce for such sweete mutton ; I know not what t' aduise .

Enter Secur with his wiues gowne . Secur.

Knight , knight a rare deuise .

Pet.

Sownes yet againe .

Quick.

What stratagem haue you now ?

Secur.

The best that euer . You talkt of disguising ?

Pet.

I may Gossip that 's our present care .

Secur. Cast care a way then , here 's the best deuice For plaine Security ( for I am no better ) I think that euer liu'd : here 's my wiues gowne Which you may put vpon the Lawyers wife , And which I brought you sir for two great reasons ; One is , that Maister Bramble may take hold Of some suspition that it is my wife , And gird me so perhaps with his law wit , The other ( which is pollicie indeede ) Is , that my wife may now be tyed at home , Hauing no more but her old gowne abroade , And not showe me a quirck , while I fyrke others . Is not this rare ? Ambo.

The best that euer shas .

Secur.

Am I not borne to furnish Gentlemen ?

Pet.

O my deare Gossip !

Secur.

Well hold Maister Francis , watch when the Lawyer 's out , and put it in ; and now � I will go fetch him . Exit .

Quick.

O my Dad ! he goes as t were the Deuill to fetch the Lawyer ; and deuill shall he be if hornes wil make him .

Pet.

why how now Gossip , why stay you there musing ?

Secur.

A toye , a toy runns in my head yfaith .

Quick.

A pox of that head , is there more toyes yet ?

Pet.

What is it pray thee Gossip ?

Secur.

Why Sir ? what if you should slip away now with my wiues best gowne . I hauing no securitie for it ?

Quick.

For that I hope Dad you will take our words .

Secu. I by th' masse your word that 's a proper staffe For wise Security to leane vpon ; But t is no matter , once I le trust my Name , On your crackt credits , let it take no shame , Fetch the wench Franck . Exit . Quick. I le wait vpon you sir . And fetch you ouer , you were nere so fetcht : Go , to the Tauerne Knight , your followers Dare not be drunke I thinke , before their Captaine . Exit . Pet. Would I might lead them to no hotter seruise , Till our Virginian gould were in our purses Exit . Enter Seagull Spendall and Scapthrift in the Tauerne with a Drawer . Sca.

Come Drawer , pierce your neatest Hogsheades , & le ts haue cheare , not fit for your Billingsgate Tauerne ; but for our Virginian Colonel ; he wil be here instantly .

Draw.

You shall haue all things fit sir ; please you haue any more Wine .

Spend,

More wine Slaue ? whether we drinke it or no , spill it , and drawe more .

Scap.

Fill all the pottes in your house with all sorts of licour , and let 'hem waite on vs here like Souldiers in their Pewter , coates ; And though we doe not employe them now , yet wee will maintaine 'hem , till we doe .

Draw.

Said like an honourable Captaine ; you shall haue all you can command Sir . Exit Drawer .

Sea.

Come boyes , Virginia longs till we share the rest of her Maiden-head ,

Spend.

Why is she inhabited already with any English ?

Sea.

A whole Country of English is there man , bred of those that were left there in 79. They haue married with the Indians , and make 'hem bring forth as beautifull faces as any we haue in England : and therefore the Indians are so in loue with 'hem , that all the treasure they haue , they lay at their feete .

Scap.

But is there such treasure there Captaine , as I haue heard ?

Sea.

I tell thee , Golde is more plentifull there then Copper is with vs : and for as much redde Copper as I can bring , I le haue thrice the waight in Golde . Why man all their dripping Pans and their Chamber pottes are pure Gold ; and all the Chaines , with which they chaine vp their streetes , are massie Golde ; all the Prisoners they take , are fetterd in Gold : and for Rubies and Diamonds , they goe forth on holydayes and gather 'hem by the Sea-shore , to hang on their childrens Coates , and sticke in their Capps , as commonly as our children weare Saffron guilt Brooches , and groates with hoales in 'hem .

Scap.

And is it a pleasant Countrie withall ?

Sea.

As euer the Sunne shinde on : temperate and full of all sorts of excellent viands ; wilde Boare is as common there , as our tamest Bacon is here : Venison , as Mutton . And then you shall liue freely there , without Sargeants , or Courtiers , or Lawyers , or Intelligencers . Then for your meanes to aduancement , there , it is simple , and not preposterously mixt : You may be an Alderman there , and neuer be Scauinger ; you may be any other officer , and neuer be a Slaue . You may come to preferment enough , and neuer be a

Pandar .

To Riches , and Fortune inough and haue neuer the more Villany , nor the lesse wit . Besides , there , we shall haue no more Law then Conscience , and not too much of either ; serue God inough , eate and drinke inough , and inough is as good as a Feast .

Spend.

Gods me ! and how farre is it thether ?

Sea.

Some six weekes sayle , no more , with any indifferent good winde : And If I get to any part of the coaste of Affrica , I le saile thether with any winde . Or when I come to Cape Finister , ther 's a foreright winde continuall wasts vs till we come at Virginia . See , our Collonell 's come .

Enter Sir Petronell with his Followers . Petr.

Well mette good Captaine Seagull , and my Noble Gentlemen ! Nowe the sweete houre of our freedome is at hand .

Come Drawer . Fill vs some carowses ; and prepare vs for the mirth , that will be occasioned presently : Here will be a prety wenche Gentlemen , that will beare vs company all our voyage .

Sea.

Whatsoeuer she be ; here 's to her health Noble Colonell , both with Cap and Knee .

Petr.

Thankes kinde Captaine Seagull . Shee 's one I loue dearely ; and must not bee knowne till we bee free from all that knowe vs : And so Gentlemen , heer 's to her health .

Ambo.

Let it come worthy Collonell , Wee doe hunger and thirst for it ,

Petr.

Afore heauen , you haue hitte the phrase of one that her presence will touch , from the foote to the forehead , if ye knew it .

Spend.

Why then we wil ioyne his forehead , with her health , sir : and Captaine Scapethrift , here 's to 'hem both ,

Enter Securitie and Bramble . Secu.

See , see , Maister Bramble ; fore heauen their voyage cannot but prosper , they are o' their knees for successe to it .

Bram.

And they pray to God Bacchus .

Secu.

God saue my braue Colonell with all his tall Captaines and Corporalls ; see sir , my worshipfull learned Counsaile , M. Bramble , is come to take his leaue of you .

Pet.

Worshipfull M. Bramble , how farre doe you drawe vs into the sweete bryer of your kindnesse ? come Captain Seagull , another health to this rare Bramble , that hath neuer a pricke about him .

Sea.

I pledge his most smooth disposition sir : come maister Securitie , bend your supporters , and pleadge this notorious health here .

Secu.

Bend you yours likewise , M. Bramble , for it is you shal pleadge me .

Sea.

Not so , M. Securitie , hee must not pleadge his owne health .

Secu.

No Maister Captaine ? Enter Quickesiluer with Winny disguis'd .

Why then here 's one is fitly come to doe him that honour .

Quick.

Here 's the Gentlewoman your cosin sir , whom with much entreatie I haue brought to take her leaue of you in a Tauerne ; asham'd whereof , you must pardon her if she put not off her Maske .

Pet.

Pardon mee sweete Cosen , my kinde desire to see you before I went , made mee so importunate to entreat your presence here .

Secu.

How now M. Frances ? haue you honour'd this presence with a faire Gentlewoman ?

Quick.

Pray sir , take you no notice of her , for she will not be knowne to you .

Secu.

But my learn'd Counsaile , M. Bramble here , I hope may know her .

Quick.

No more then you sir , at this time , his learning must pardon her .

Secu.

Well , God pardon her for my part , and I doe I le bee sworne ; and so Maister Francis , here 's to all that are going Eastward to night , towardes Cuckolds hauen ; and so to the health of Maister Bramble .

Quick.

I pledge it Sir , hath it gone rounde , Captaines ?

Sea.

It has sweet Franck , and the rounde closes with thee .

Quic.

Wel Sir , here 's to al Eastward & toward Cuckolds , & so to famouse Cuckolds hauen so fatally remembred . Surgit .

Pet.

Nay pray thee Cuz weepe not ; Gossip Securitie ?

Secu.

I my braue Gossip .

Pet.

A word I beseech you Sir ; our friende , Mistresse Bramble here , is so dissolu'd in teares , that shee drownes the whole mirth of our meeting : sweete Gossip , take her aside and comfort her .

Secu.

Pittie of all true loue , Mistresse Bramble , what weepe you to enioy your loue ? what 's the cause Ladie ? i st because your husband is so neere , and your heart earnes , to haue a litle abus'd him ? Ahlas , Ahlas , the offence is too common to be respected ; So great a grace , hath seldome chanc'd to so vnthankfull a woman ; to be rid of an old ielous Dotard ; to enioy the armes , of a louing young Knight ; that when your prick-lesse Bramble is withered with griefe of your losse , will make you floorish a fresh in the Bed of a Ladie .

Enter Drawer . Draw.

Sir Petronell , here 's one of your water men come to tell you , it wil be flood these three houres ; and that t' will bee dangerous going against the Tyde : for the skie is ouer cast , & there was a Porcpisce , euen now seene at Londo� bridge , which is alwaies the messenger of tempests , he sayes .

Pet.

A Porcpisce ? what 's that to th' purpose ? charge him if he loue his life to attend vs : can we not reach Blacke wall ( where my ship lyes ) against the tide , and in spight of Tempests ? Captaines and Gentlemen , wee 'll begin a new ceremony at the beginning of our voyage , which I beleeue will be followd of all future aduenturers .

Sea.

What 's that good Colonell ?

Pet.

This , Captaine Seagull ; wee 'll haue our prouided Supper brought a bord Sir Francis Drakes Ship , that hath compast the world : where with full Cupps , and Banquets we wil doe sacrifice for a prosperous voyage . My minde giues me that some good Spirits of the waters should haunt the desart ribs of her ; and be auspicious to all that honour her memorie , and will with like Orgies , enter their voyages .

Sea.

Rarely conceipted ; one health more to this motion , & aboard to performe it . He that wil not this night be drunke , may he neuer be Sober . They compasse in Wynnifrid , daunce the dronken round , and drinke carowses .

Bram.

Sir Petronell and his honourable Captaines in these young seruices , we olde Seruitors may bee spard : We onely came to take our leaues , and with one health to you all , I le be bold to do so . Here neighbour Securitie , to the health of Sir Petronell , and all his Captaines .

Secu.

You must bend then Maister Bramble ; So , now I am for you : I haue one corner of my braine , I hope , fit to beare one carouse more . Here Lady , to you that are encompast there , & are asham'd of our company . Ha , ha , ha , by my troth , ( my learn'd counsaile Maister Bramble ) my minde runnes so of Cuckolds hauen to night , that my Head runnes ouer with admiration .

Bram.

But is not that your wife , Neighbour ?

Secu.

No by my troth Maister Bramble ; ha , ha , ha , a Pox of all Cuckolds-hauens I say .

Bram.

A' my faith , her garments are exceeding like your wiues .

Secu.

Cucullus non facit Monachum , my learn'd Counsaile ; all are not Cuckolds that seeme so , nor all seeme not that are so . Giue me your hand , my learn'd Counsaile , you and I will Supp some where else , then at Sir Frances Drakes Shipp to night . Adue my Noble Gossip .

Bram.

Good Fortune braue Captaines ; faire skies God send yee .

Omnes .

Farewell my harts , farewell .

Pet.

Gossip , laugh no more at Cuckolds-hauen Gossip .

Secu.

I haue done , I haue done Sir , will you leade Maister Bramble ? ha , ha , ha .

Pet.

Captaine Seagull , charge a boate .

Omnes .

A Boate , a boate , a boate . Exeunt .

Draw.

Y' are in a proper taking indeed to take a Boate , especially at this time of night , and against Tide and Tempest ; They say yet , drunken men neuer take harme ; this night will trie the truth of that Prouerbe . Exit .

Enter Securitie . Secu.

What Winnie ? Wife , I say ? out of dores at this time ! where should I seeke the Gad-flye ? Billingsgate , Billingsgate ,

Billingsgate .

Shee 's gone with the Knight , shee 's gone with the Knight ; woe be to thee Billingsgate . A boate , a boate , a boate , a full hunderd Markes for a boate . Exit .

Actus Quartus . Scena Prima . Enter Slitgut , with a paire of Oxe hornes , discouering Cuckolds-Hauen aboue . Slit.

All haile , faire Hauen of married men onely , for there are none but married men Cuckolds . For my part , I presume not to arriue here , but in my Maisters behalfe , ( a poore Butcher of East-cheape ) who sends me to set vp ( in honour of Saint Luke ) these necessarie Ensignes of his homage : And vp I got this morning , thus early , to get vp to the toppe of this famous Tree , that is all fruite and no leaues , to aduance this Crest of my Maisters occupation . Vp then , Heauen and Saint Luke blesse me , that I be not blowne into the Thames as I clime , with this furious Tempest ; Slight , I thinke the Deuill be abroade , in likenesse of a storme , to rob me of my Hornes : Harke how he roares . Lord ! what a coyle the Thames keepes ! she beares some vniust burthen I beleeue , that she kicks and curuets thus to cast it : Heauen blesse all honest passengers , that are vpon her back now , for the Bitte is out of her mouth I see , and shee will runne away with 'hem . So , so , I thinke I haue made it looke the right way , it runnes against London-Bridge ( as it were ) euen full butt . And now , let mee discouer from this loftie prospect , what pranckes the rude Thames playes in her desperate lunacie . O me , here 's a Boate has beene cast away hard by . Alas , alas , See one of her passengers , labouring for his life , to land at this Hauen here ; pray heauen he may recouer it : His next land is eue� iust vnder me ; hold out yet a little : whatsoeuer thou art , pray , and take a good heart to thee . T is a man , take a mans heart to thee ; yet a little further , get vp a thy legges man : now , t is snallowe enough . So , so , so ! Alas , hee 's downe againe ; hold thy winde Father : t is a man in a Night-cappe . So ! now hee 's got vp againe : now hee 's past the worst : yet thankes be to heauen ; he comes toward me pretie and strongly .

Enter Securitie without his hat , in an Night-cap , wett , band , &c. Secu.

Heauen , I beseech thee , how haue I offended thee ! where am I cast a shore nowe , that I may goe a righter way home by land ? Let me see . O I am scarce able to looke about me ! where is there any Sea-marke that I am acquainted withall ?

Slit.

Looke vp Father , are you acquainted with this Marke ?

Secu.

What! landed at Cuckolds hauen ? Hell and damnation . I will runne backe and drowne my selfe . He falles downe .

Slit.

Poore man how weake hee is ! the weake water ha's washt away his strength .

See.

Landed at Cuckolds hauen ? if it had not bin to die twentie times a liue , I should neuer haue scapt death : I will neuer arise more : I will grouell here , and eate durt till I be choak't : I will make the gentle earth doe that , which the cruell water ha's denied me .

Slit.

Alas good father , be not so desperate ; Rise man : if you will , I le come presently and lead you home .

Secu.

Home ? shall I make any know my Home , that has knowne me thus abrode ? how I owe shall I crouch away , that no eye may see mee ? I will creepe on the earth while I liue , and neuer looke heauen in the face more . Exit creep .

Slit.

What yong Planet raignes now troe , that olde men are so foolish ? What desperate yong Swaggerer would haue bin abroad such a wether as this , vpon the water ? Ay me , see a nother remnant of this vnfortunate ship-wrack ! or some other . A woman ! yfaith , a woman , though it be almost at S. Kath'rins , I discerne it to be a woman for al her bodie is aboue the water , & her clothes swim about her most handsomely . O they beare her vp most brauely ! has not a woman reason to loue the taking vp of her cloathes the better while she liues , for this ? Alas , how busie the rude Thames is about her ? A pox a'th at waue . It wil drowne her , yfaith , t will drowne her . Crye God mercie , shee has scapt it ! I thanke heauen she has scapt it . O , how she swimmes like a Mermaide ! some vigilant body looke out , and saue her . That 's well said , iust where the Priest fell in , there 's one sets downe a Ladder , and goes to take her vp : Gods blessing a thy heart boy , now take her vp in thy armes and to bedde with her . Shee 's vp , shee 's vp ! Shee 's a beautifull woman I warrant her , the Billowes durst not deuoure her .

Enter the Drawer in the Tauerne before with Wynnyfrid . Draw.

How fare you now Lady ?

Wynn.

Much better , my good friende then I wishe : as one desperate of her Fame , now my Life is preseru'd .

Draw.

Comfort your selfe ; That power that preserued you from death : can likewise defend you from infamie , howsoeuer you deserue it . Were not you one that tooke Bote , late this night , with a Knight , and other Gentlemen at Billings-gate ?

Wynn.

Vnhappy that I am , I was .

Draw.

I am glad it was my good happe to come downe thus farre after you , to a house of my friends heere in S. Kath'rines , since I am now happily made a meane to your rescue , from the ruthlesse tempest ; which ( when you tooke Bote ) was so extreame , and the Gentleman that brought you forth , so desperate and vnsober , that I fear'd long ere this I should heare of your ship-wracke , and therefore ( with little other reason ) made thus farre this way : And this I must tell you , since perhappes you may make vse of it , there was left behinde you at our Tauerne , brought by a Porter ( hyr'd by the yong Gentleman that brought you ) a Gentle womans Gowne , Hat , Stockings , and Shooes ; which if they be yours , and you please to shift you , taking a hard bed here , in this house of my friend , I will presently goe fetch you .

Wynn.

Thanks my good friend , for your more then good newes . The Gowne with all things bounde with it are myne ; which if you please to fetch as you haue promist , I will bouldly receiue the kinde fauour you haue offered , till your returne : intreating you , by all the good you haue done in preseruing me hitherto , to let none take knowledge of what fauour you doe me , or where such a one as I am bestowed , lest you incurre mee much more damage in my fame , then you haue done me pleasure in preseruing my life .

Draw.

Come in Lady , and shift your selfe ; resolue , that nothing , but your owne pleasure , shall bee vsde in your discouery .

Wynn.

Thanke you good friende : the time may come , I shall requite you . Exeunt .

Slit.

See , see , see ! I hold my life , there 's some other a taking vp at Wapping , now ! Looke , what a sort of people cluster about the Gallows there ! in good troth it is so . O me ! a fine yong Gentleman ! What ? and taken vp at the Gallowes ? Heauen graunt he be not one day taken downe there : A , my life it is ominous . Well , hee is deliuered for the time , I see the people haue all left him ; yet will I keepe my prospect a while , to see if any more haue bin shipwrackt . Enter Quick , bareheade .

Quick. Accur'st , that euer I was sau'd , or borne . How fatall is my sad ariuall here ? As if the Starres , and Prouidence spake to mee , And sayd , the drift of all vnlawfull courses , ( What euer ende they dare propose themselues , In frame of their licentious policyes . ) In the firme order of iust Destinie , They are the ready high wayes to our Ruines . I know not what to doe , my wicked hopes Are , with this Tempest , torne vp by the rootes . O , which way shall I bend my desperate steppes , In which vnsufferable Shame and Miserie Will not attend them ? I will walke this Banck , And see if I can meete the other reliques Of our poore ship-wrackt Crew , or heare of them . The Knight ( alas ) was so farre gone with wine , And th' other three , that I refus de their Boate , And tooke the haplesse Woman in another , Who cannot but be suncke , what euer Fortune Hath wrought vpon the others desperate liues . Enter Petronel , and Seagul , bareheaded . Pet.

Zounds Captaine , I tell thee , we are cast vp o' the Coast of France , Sfoote , I am not drunke still , ( I hope ? ) Dost remember where we were last Night ?

Sea.

No by my troth Knight , not I . but me thinkes wee haue bin a horrible while vpon the water , and in the water .

Pet.

Aye me we are vndone for euer : hast any money about thee ?

Sea.

Not a pennie by heauen .

Pet.

Not a pennie betwixt vs , and cast a shore in France ?

Sea.

Faith I cannot tell that ; my braines , nor mine eyes are not mine owne , yet .

Enter 2. Gentlemen Pet.

Sfoote wilt not beleeue me ? I know 't by th' eleuation of the Pole ; and by the altitude and latitude of the Climate . See! hers comes a coople of French Gentlemen ; I knew we were in France : dost thou think our Englishmen are so Frenchyfied , that a man knowes not whether he be in France , or in England , whe� he sees 'hem ? What shal we doe ? we must cene to 'hem , and intreat some reliefe of hem : Life is sweete , and we haue no other meanes to relieue our liues now , but their Charities ;

Sea.

Pray you , do you beg on 'hem the� , you can speak French .

Pet.

Monsieur , plaist il d'auoir pitie de nostre grand infortunes ? Iesuis vn poure Cheualier D'Angloterre qui a souffris infortune de Naufrage .

1. Gent.

Vn poure Cheualier D'Angliterre ?

Pet.

Oui Monsieur , il est trop vraye ; mais vovs scaves bien nous somes toutes subiect a fortune .

2. Gent.

A poore Knight of England ? a poore Knight of Windsore , are you not ? Why speake you this broken French , when y' are a whole English man ? on what coaste are you , thinke you ?

Pet.

on the coast of France , sir .

1. Gen.

On the cost of Doggs Sir : Y' are i th' I le a Doggs I tell you . I see y 'aue bene washt in the Thames here , & I beleeue ye were drownd in a Tauerne before , or els you would neuer haue tooke boate in such a dawning as this was . Farewel , farewel , we wil not know you for shaming of you . I ken the man wee l , hee 's one of my thirty pound Knights .

2. Gen.

No no , this is he that stole his knighthood o' the grand day , for foure pound giuing to a Page , all the money in 's purse I wot well . Exeunt .

Sea.

Death , Collonell , I knew you were ouer shot .

Pet.

Sure I thinke now indeede , Captaine Seagull , we were something ouershot . Enter Quicksiluer .

What ! my sweete Franck Quicksiluer ! dost thou surviue to reioyce me ? But what ? no bodie at thy heels , Franck ? Ay me , what is become of poore Mistresse Securitie .

Quick.

Faith gone quite from her Name , as she is from her Fame I thinke ; I left her to the mercie of the water .

Sea.

Let her goe , let her goe : let vs go to our ship at Blackwall and shift vs .

Pet.

Nay by my troth , let our clothes rotte vpon vs . and let vs rotte in them : twentie to one our Ship is attacht by this time ? if we set her not vnder Saile this last Tide , I neuer lookt for any other . Woe , woe is me , what shall become of vs ? the last money we could make , the greedy Thams has deuourde ; and if our Ship be attach't , there is no hope can relieue vs .

Quic.

Sfoote Knight , what an vn-knightly faintnesse transports thee ? let our Ship sinck , and all the world that 's without vs be taken from vs , I hope I haue some tricks , in this braine of mine , shall not let vs perish .

Sea.

Well said Francke faith . O my nimble-spirited Quick-siluer , Foregod , would thou hadst beene our Colonell .

Petr.

I like his spirit rarely , but I see no meanes he has to support that spirit .

Quic.

Go to Knight , I haue more meanes then thou art aware off : I haue not liu'd amongst Gould-smiths and Gouldmakers all this while , but I haue learned something worthy of my time with 'hem . And , not to let thee stinck where thou standst , Knight , I le let thee know some of my skill presently .

Sea.

Doe good Francke I beseech thee .

Quic.

I will blanche Copper so cunningly , that it shall endure all proofes , but the Test : it shall endure malleation , it shal haue the ponderositie of Luna , and the tenacitie of Luna , by no meanes friable .

Petr.

Slight , where learn'st thou these tearmes , tro ?

Quic.

Tush Knight , the tearmes of this Arte , euery ignorant Quack-saluer is perfect in : but I le tell you how your selfe shal blanche Copper thus cunningly . Take Arsnicke , otherwise called Realga , ( which indeede is plaine Ratsbane ) Sublime 'hem three or foure times , then take the Sublimate of this Realga , and put 'hem into a Glasse , into Chymia , & let 'hem haue a conuenient decoction Naturall , foure and twentie houres , & he will become perfectly fixt : Then take this fixed powder , & proiect him vpon wel-purgd Copper , et habebis Magistriu� .

Ambo.

Excellent Francke , let vs hugge thee .

Quick.

Nay this I will do besides ; I le take you off twelue pence from euery Angell , with a kind of Aquafortis , and neuer deface any part of the Image .

Pet.

But then it will want weight ?

Quic.

You shall restore that thus : Take your sal Achyme prepar'd , and your distild Vrine ; and let your Angels lie in it but foure and twenty howres , and they shall haue their perfect weight againe : come on now I hope this is enough to put some spirit into the liuers of you , I le infuse more an other time . We haue saluted the proud Ayre long enough with our bare skonces , now will I haue you to a wenches house of mine at London , there make shift to shift vs , and after such fortunes as the stars shal assigne vs .

Ambo.

Notable Franck ! we will euer adore thee . Exeunt .

Enter Drawer with Wynifrid , new attird . Wyn.

Nowe sweete friende you haue brought me nere enough your Tauerne , which I desired that I might with some colour be seene neare , enquiring for my husband ; who I must tel you stale thither last with my wet gowne we haue left at your friends : which , to continue your former honest kindnes , let me pray you to keepe close from the knowledge of any ; and so , with all vow of your requitall , let me now entreate you to leaue me to my womans wit , and fortune .

Draw.

All shall be done you desire ; and so , all the fortune you can wish for , attend you . Exit Draw .

Enter Securitie . Secu.

I wil once more to this vnhappy Tauerne before I shift one ragge of me more , that I may there know what is left behind , and what newes of their passengers . I haue bought me a Hat and band with the little money I had about me , and made the streets a litle leaue staring at my night-cap .

Win.

O my deare husband ! where haue you bin to night ? al night abroade at Tauernes ? rob me of my garments ? and fare as one run away from me ? Ahlas ! is this seemely for a man of your credit ? of your age ? and affection to your wife ?

Secu.

What should I say ? how miraculously sorts this ? was not I at home , and cald thee last night ?

Win.

Yes Sir , the harmelesse sleepe you broke , and my answer to you would haue witnest it , if you had had the patience to haue staid and answered me ; but your so sodaine retreate , made me imagine you were gone to Maister Brambles , and so rested patient , and hopefull of your comming againe , till this your unbeleeued absence brought me abroade with no lesse then wonder , to seeke you , where the false Knight had carried you .

Secu.

Villaine , and Monster that I was , howe haue I abus'd thee , I was sodainly gone indeede ! for my sodaine ielousie transferred me . I will say no more but this deare wife I suspected thee .

Win.

Did you suspect me ?

Secu.

Talke not of it I beseech thee , I am ashamed to imagine it ; I will home , I will home , and euery morning on my knees aske thee hartely forgiuenes . Exeunt . Nowe will I descend my honourable Prospect ; the farthiest seeing Sea marke of the World : Noe maruaile then if I could see two miles about me . I hope the redde Tempests anger be nowe ouer blowne , which sure I thinke Heauen sent as a punishment , for prophaning holy Saint Lukes memorie , with so ridiculous a custome . Thou dishonest Satyre , farewel to honest married Men ; Farewel , to all sorts , and degrees of thee . Farewel thou horne of hu�ger that calst th' Inns a court to their Manger ; Farewel thou horne of abounda�ce , that adornest the headsmen of the Common-wealth ; Farewell thou home of Direction , that is the Cittie Lanthorne ; Farewell thou Horne of Pleasure , the Ensigne of the huntsman ; Farewell thou Horne of Destinie , the signe of the married man ; Farewell thou Horne Tree that bearest nothing but Stone fruite Exit .

Enter Touchstone . Touch.

Ha Sirah ! Thinkes my Knight Aduenturer we can no point of our compasse ? Doe wee not knowe North-north-east ? North-east and by East ? East and by North ! nor plaine Eastward ? Ha ? haue we neuer heard of Virginia ? nor the Cauallaria ? not the Colonoria ? Can we discouer no discoueries ? well , mine errant Sir Flash , and my runnagate Quicksiluer , you may drinke dronke , crack cannes , hurle away a browne dozen of Monmouth Capps or so , in sea-ceremonie to your boon voyage but for reaching any Coast saue the coast of Kent ; or Essex , with this Tide , or with this fleete , I le be your warrant for a Grauesend Tost : There 's that gone afore , wil stay your Admiral and Vice-admirall , and Rere-admirall , were they al ( as they are ) but one Pinnace , and vnder saile , as wel as a Remora , doubt it not ; and from this Sconce , without eyther pouder or shot , worke vpon that now . Nay , and you 'll shew trickes , wee 'l vie with you , a little . My Daughter , his Lady , was sent Eastward , by land , to a Castle of his , i' the ayre ( in what region I knowe not ) and ( as I heare ) was glad to take vp her lodging in her Coach , she and her two waiting women , her maide , and her mother , like three Snailes in a shall , and the Coachman a top on 'hem , I thinke . Since they haue all found the way back againe by weeping Crosse . But I le not see them . And for two on 'hem , Madam , and her Malkm , they are like to bite o the bridle for William , as the poore horses haue done al this while that hurried 'hem , or else go graze o' the co�mon : So should my Dame Touchstone too , but she has bene my Crosse these thirty yeares , and I le now keepe her , to fright away sprights ; Ifaith . I wonder I heare no news of my sonne Goulding ! He was sent for to the Guild-hall , this Morning betimes , and I maruaile at the matter , if I had not layd vp Comfort , & hope in him , I should grow desperate of al . See , He is come I' my thought ! How now Sonne ? what newes at the Court of Aldermen ?

Enter Goulding . Gould .

Troth Sir , an Accident somewhat strange , els it hath litle in it worth the reporting .

Touch.

What ? It is not borrowing of money then ?

Gold.

No sir it hath pleasd the worshipful Commoners of the citty , to take me one i' their number at presentation of the inquest

Touch.

Ha!

Gould .

And the Alderman of the warde wherein Idwel , to appoint me his Deputy �

Touch.

Howe !

Gold.

In which place , I haue had an oath ministred me , since I went .

Touch.

Now my deare , & happy Sonnellet we kisse thy new worship , & a litle boast mine own happines in thee : What a fortune was it ( or rather my iudgment indeed ) for me , first to see that in his disposition , which a whole Citty so conspires to second ? Tane into the Liuory of his copany , the first day of his freedo�e ? now ( not a weeke maried ) chosen Commoner ? and Aldermans Deputie in a day ? note but the reward of a thrifty course . The wo�der of his Time ! Wel , I wil honour M. Alderman , for this act , ( as becomes me ) & shall think the better of the cômon Councels wisdo�e , & worship , while I liue , for thus meeting , or but co�ming after me in the opinion of his desert . Forward , my sufficient Sonne , and as this is the first , so esteeme it the least step , to that high and prime honour that expects thee .

Goul.

Sir , as I was not ambitious of this , so I couet no higher place ; it hath dignity enough , if it will but saue me from contempt : and I had rather my bearing , in this , or any other office , should adde worth to it ; then the Place giue the least opinion to me .

Touch.

Excellently spoken : This modest Answer of thine blushes , as if it said , I will weare Scarlet shortly . Worshipfull Sonne ! I cannot containe my selfe , I must tell thee , I hope to see thee one o' the Monuments of our Citty , and reckon'd among her worthies , to be remembred the same day with the Lady Ramsey , and graue Gresham : when the famous fable of Whittington , and his Pusse , shall be forgotten , and thou and thy Actes become the Posies for Hospitals , when thy name shall be written vpon Conduits , and thy deeds plaid i' thy life time , by the best companies of Actors , and be call'd their Get-peny . This I diuine . This I Prophecie .

Gold.

Sir , engage not your expectation farder , then my abilities will answer : I that know mine owne strengths , feare 'hem ; and there is so seldome a losse in promising the least , that commonly it brings with it a welcome deceipt . I haue other newes for you Sir .

Touch.

None more welcome , I am sure ?

Gould .

They haue their degree of welcome , I dare affirme . The Colonell , and all his company , this morning putting forth drunke from Belinsgate , had like to haue been cast away o'th is side Greenwich : and ( as I haue intelligence , by a false Brother , ) are come dropping to towne , like so many Masterlesse men , i' their doublets and hose , without Hatte , or Cloake , or any other �

Touch.

A miracle ! the Iustice of Heauen ! where are they ? le ts goe presently and lay for 'hem .

Goul.

I haue done that already Sir , both by Constables , and other officers , who shall take 'hem at their old Anchor ; and with lesse tumult , or suspition , then if your selfe were seene in 't : vnder coulour of a great Presse , that is now abroad , and they shall here be brought afore me .

Touch.

Prudent , & politique sonne ! Disgrace 'hem all that euer thou canst ; their Ship I haue already arrested . How to my wish it falls out , that thou hast the place of a Iusticer vpon 'hem ! I am partly glad of the iniury done to me , that thou maist punish it . Be seuere i' thy place , like a new officer o' the first quarter , vnreflected : you heare how our Lady is come back with her traine , from the inuisible Castle ?

Gould .

No , where is she ?

Touch.

Within , but I ha' not seene her yet , not her mother ; who now begins to wish her daughter vndub'd , they say , and that she had walkd a foot-pase with her sister . Here they come , stand back .

Touchstone , Mistresse Touchstone , Gyrtrude , Goulding , Mildred , Syndefie .

God saue your Ladiship ; 'saue your good Ladiship : your Ladiship is welcome from your inchanted Castell ; so are your beautious Retinew . I heare your Knight errant is trauayld on strange aduentures : Surely in my minde , your Ladiship hath fish'd faire , and caught a Frog , as the saying is .

Mist. Tou.

Speake to your Father , Madam , & kneele downe .

Gyrt.

Kneele ? I hope I am not brought so low yet : though my Knight be run away , & has sold my land , I am a Lady , stil .

Touch.

Your Ladiship says true , Madam , & it is fitter , and a greater decorum , that I should curtsie to you that are a knights wife , and a Lady , then you be brought a' your knees to me , who am a poore Cullion , and your Father .

Gyr.

Law ! my Father knowes his duty .

Mist. Tou.

O child !

Touch.

And therefore I doe desire your Ladiship , my good Lady Flash in all humility , to depart my obscure Cottage , and returne in quest of your bright , and most transparent Castell , how euer presently conceald to mortall eyes . And as for one poore woman of your traine here , I will take that order , she shall no longer be a charge vnto you , nor helpe to spend your Ladiship ; she shall stay at home with me , and not goe abroad , not put you to the pawning of an odde Coach-horse , or three wheeles , but take part with the Touchstone : If we lacke , we wil not complaine to your Ladiship . And so good Madam , with your Damoselle here , please you to let vs see your straight backs , in equipage ; for truly , here is no roust for such Chickens as you are , or birds o' your feather , if it like your Ladiship .

Gyrt.

Mary , fyste o' your kindnesse . I thought as much . Come away Sinne , we shall assoone get a fart from a dead man , as a farthing of court'sie here .

Mild.

O , good Sister !

Gyrt.

Sister , sir reuerence ? come away , I say , Hunger drops out at his nose .

Goul.

O Madam , Faire words neuer hurt the tongue .

Gyrt.

How say you by that ? you come out with your golde ends now !

Mi. Tou.

Stay Lady-daughter : good husband .

Touch.

Wife , no man loues his fetters , be they made of gold : I list not ha' my head fastned vnder my childs girdle ; as she has brew'd , so let her drinke , a Gods name : she went witlesse to wedding , now she may goe wisely a begging . It 's but hony-Moone yet with her Ladiship ; she has Coach horses , Apparell , Iewels yet left , she needs care for no friends , nor take knowledge of Father , Mother , Brother , Sister , or any body : When those are pawn'd , or spent , perhaps we shall returne into the list of her acquaintance .

Gyrt.

I scorne it ifaith . Come Sinne . ( Exit Gyrt .

Mi. Tou.

O Madam , why do you prouoke your Father , thus ?

Touch.

Nay , nay , eene let Pride goe afore , Shame wil follow after , I warrant you . Come , why doost thou weepe now ? thou art not the first good Cow hast had an ill Calfe , I trust . What 's the newes , with that fellow ? Enter Constable .

Goul.

Sir , the Knight , and your man Quickesiluer are without , will you ha 'hem brought in ?

Touch.

O by any meanes . And Sonne , here 's a Chaire ; appeare terrible vnto 'hem , on the first enter view . Let them behold the melancholy of a Magistrate , and taste the fury of a Citizen in office .

Goul.

Why Sir , I can do nothing to 'hem , except you charge 'hem with somwhat .

Touch.

I will charge 'hem , and recharge 'hem , rather then Authority should want foyle to set it of .

Gould .

No good Sir , I will not .

Touch.

Sonne , it is your place ; by any meanes .

Goul.

Beleeue it , I will not Sir .

Enter Knight Petronell , Quickesiluer , Constable , Officers . Pet.

How Misfortune pursues vs still in our misery !

Quic.

Would it had beene my fortune , to haue beene trust vp at Wapping , rather then euer ha' come here .

Pet.

Or mine , to haue famisht in the Iland .

Quic.

Must Goulding sit vpon vs ?

Consta.

You might carry an M. vnder your girdle to Maister Deputis worship .

Gould .

What are those , maister Constable ?

Const.

And 't please your worship , a couple of Maisterlesse men , I prest for the Low-countries , Sir .

Goul.

Why do you not cary 'hem to Bridewell , according to your order , they may be shipt away ?

Const.

An 't please your Worship , one of 'hem sayes he is a Knight ; and we thought good to shew him to your worship , for our discharge .

Goul.

Which is he ?

Const.

This Sir .

Goul.

And what 's the other ?

Const.

A Knights Fellow Sir , an 't please you .

Goul.

What ? a Knight , and his Fellow thus accoutred ? Where are their Hattes and Feathers , their Rapiers , and their Cloakes ?

Quic.

O they mock vs .

Const.

Nay truely sir , they had cast both their Feathers , and Hattes too , before wee see 'hem . Here 's all their furniture , an 't please you , that we found . They say , Knights are now to be knowne without Feathers , like Cockrels by their Spurres , Sir .

Goul.

What are their names , say they ?

Touch.

Very well this . He should not take knowledge of 'hem in his place , indeeed .

Con.

This is Sir Petronell Flash .

Touch.

How !

Con.

And this Francis Quickesiluer .

Touch.

Is 't possible ? I thought your Worship had beene gone for Virginia , Sir . You are welcome home sir . Your Worship has made a quick returne , it seemes and no doubt a good voyage . Nay pray you be couer'd Sir . How did your Bisquet hold out Sir ? Me thought , I had seene this Gentlemen afore ; good Maister Quickesiluer ! How a degree to the Southward has chang'd you .

Gould .

Doe you know 'hem Father ? Forbeare your offers a litle , you shall be heard anon .

Touch.

Yes , Maister Deputy : I had a small venture with them in the voyage , a Thing , cald a Sonne in Lawe , or so . Officers , you may let 'hem stand alone , they will not runne away , I le giue my word for them . A couple of very honest Gentlemen . One of 'hem was my Prentise , M. Quicksiluer , here , & whe� he had 2. yeare to serue , kept his whore , & his hunting Nag , would play his 100. pound at Gresco , or Primero , as familiarly ( & al a' my purse ) as any bright peice of Crimson on 'hem all , had his changable trunks of Apparel , standing at liuery , with his Mare , his Chest of perfumd linnen , and his Bathing Tubbs , which whe� I told him off , why he � he was a Gentleman , and I a poore Cheapeside Groome . The remedie was , we must part . Since when he hath had the gift of gathering vp some small parcels of mine , to the value of 500. pound disperst among my customers to furnish this his Virginian ve�ture ; wherin this knight was the chiefe , sir Flash : one that married a daughter of mine , Ladefied her , turn'd two thousand poundes worth of good land of hers , into Cash , within the first weeke , bought her a new Gowne , & a Coach , sent her to seeke her fortune by land , whilst himselfe prepared for his fortune by sea , tooke in fresh flesh at Belingsgate , for his owne diet , to serue him the whole voyage , the wife of a certaine vsurer , cald Securitie , who hath bene the broker for 'hem in all this businesse : Please Maister Deputy , Worke vpon that now .

Goul.

If my worshipfull Father haue ended .

Touch.

I haue , it shall please M. Deputy .

Goul.

Well then , vnder correction . �

Touch.

Now sonne , come ouer 'hem with some fine guird , as thus , Knight you shall be encountred , that is , had to the Counter ; or Quicksiluer , I will put you in a crucible or so .

Gould .

Sir Petronell Flash , I am sory to see such flashes as these proceede from a Gentleman of your Quality , & Rancke ; For mine own part , I could wish , I could say , I could not see the� : but such is the misery of Magistrates , and men in Place , that they must not winke at Offenders . Take him aside , I wil heare you anone sir .

Tou.

I like this wel yet : there 's some grace i' the knight , left , He cries .

Goul.

Francis Quick-siluer , would God thou hadst turnd Quack-saluer , rather then run into these dissolute , & lewd courses ; It is great pitty , thou art a proper yong man , of an honest and cleane face , somewhat neere a good one , ( God hath done his part in thee ) but , thou haste made too much , and beene to proud of that face , with the rest of thy body ; for maintenance of which in neate and garish attire , ( onely to be look'd vpon by some light houswifes ) thou hast prodigally consumed much of thy Masters estate : and being by him gently admonish'd , at seueral times , hast returnd thy selfe haughty , and rebellious , in thine answers , thundring out vnciuill comparisons , requiting al his kindnes with a course and harsh behauiour , neuer returning thanks for any one benefit , but receiuing all , as if they had bin Debts to thee , & no Courtesies . I must tel thee Francis , these are manifest signes of an ill nature ; and God doth often punish such pride , and outrecuidance , with scorne and infamy , which is the worst of misfortune . My worshipfull father , what do you please to charge them withall ? from the presse I wil free 'hem Maister Constable .

Const.

Then I le leaue your worship , Sir .

Gold.

No , you may stay , there will be other matters against 'hem .

Touch.

Sir I do charge this Gallant , Maister Quicksiluer , on suspicion of Felony ; and the Knight as being accessary , in the receipt of my goods .

Quick.

O God Sir !

Touch.

Hold thy peace , impude�t varlot , hold thy peace . With what forehead or face , dost thou offer to choppe Logick with me , hauing run such a race of Riot , as thou hast done ? Do's not the sight of this worshipful mans fortune & temper , confound thee , that was thy yonger fellow in houshold , and now come to haue the place of a Iudge vpon thee ? Dost not obserue this ? Which of al thy Gallants , & Gasters , thy Swearers & thy Swaggerers , will come now to mone thy misfortune , or pitty thy penurie ? They le looke out at a window , as thou rid'st in triumph to Tiborne , and crye , yonder goes honest Franck , mad Quicksiluer ; He was a free boone companion , when hee had money , sayes one ; Hang him foole , saies another , he could not keepe it when he had it ; A pox o' the Cullio� his Mr. ( sais a third ) he has brought him to this : when their Pox of pleasure , & their piles of perdition , would haue bene better bestowed vpon thee , that hast ventred for 'hem with the best , and by the clew of thy knauery , brought thy selfe weeping , to the Cart of Calamity .

Quic.

Worshipfull Maister .

Touch.

Offer not to speake , Crocodile , I will not heare a sound come from thee . Thou hast learnt to whine at the Play yonder . Maister Deputy , pray yon commit 'hem both to safe custody , till I be able farther to charge 'hem .

Quic.

O me , what an infortunate thing am I !

Pet.

Will you not take security Sir .

Touch.

Yes mary will I sir Flash , if I can find him , & charge him as deepe as the best on you . He has beene the plotter of all this : he is your Inginer , I heare . Maister Deputy , you 'll dispose of these ? In the meane time , I le to my Lo. Mayor , & get his warrant , to seize that Serpent Securitie into my hands , & seale vp both house , and goods , to the Kings vse , or my satisfaction .

Goul.

Officers take 'hem to the Counter .

Qui. & Pet.

O God .

Touch.

Nay on , on : you see the issue of your Sloth . Of Sloth commeth Pleasure , of Pleasure commeth Riot , of Ryot comes Whoring , of Whoring comes Spending , of Spending comes Want , of Want comes Theft , of Theft comes Hanging ; and there is my Quickesiluer fixt . Exeunt .

Actus Quintus . Scena Prima . Gyrtrude . Sindefie . Gyr.

Ah Sinne ! hast thou euer read i' the Chronicle of any Lady , and her waiting-woman , driuen to that extremity , that we are , Sinne ?

Syn.

Not I truely , Madam , and if I had , it were but colde comfort , should come out of bookes , now .

Gyr.

Why , good faith Sinne , I could dine with a lamentable storie , now . O hone , hone , o no nera , &c. Canst thou tell nere a one , Synne ?

Sin.

None , but mine owne , Madam , which is lamentable inough ; first to be stolne from my Friends , which were worshipfull , and of good accompt , by a Prentile , in the habite and disguise of a Gentleman , and here brought vp to London , and promis'd mariage , and now likely to be forsaken ( for he is in possibility to be hangd . )

Gyr.

Nay weepe not good Sinne . My Petronell , is in as good possibilitie as he . Thy miseries , are nothing to mine , Sinne : I was more then promis'd marriage , Sinne , I had it Sinne : & was made a Lady ; and by a Knight , Sin : which is now as good as no Knight , Sin : And I was borne in London , which is more then brought vp , Sin : and already forsaken ; which is past likelihood , Sin : and in stead of Land i' the Countrey , all my Knights Liuing lies i' the Counter , Syn . there 's his Castle now ?

Syn.

Which hee cannot be forc't out off , Madam .

Gyr.

Yes , if he would liue hungry a weeke , or two . Hunger they say breakes stone wals . But he is eene wel inough seru'd , Sin , that so soone as euer he had got my hand to the sale of my inheritance run away from me , and I had bene his Punke , God blesse vs . Would the Knight o' the Sunne , or Palmerin of England , haue vsd their Ladies so , Syn ? or sir Lancelot ? or sir Tristram ?

Syn.

I doe not know , Madam .

Gry,

Then thou know'st nothing , Syn . Thou art a Foole , Syn . The Knighthood now a daies , are nothing like the Knighthood of old time . They rid a horseback Ours goe afoote . They were attended by their Squires . Our by their Lacquaies . They went buckled in their Armor , Ours muffled in their Cloaks . They trauaild wildernesses ; & desarts , Ours dare scarce walke the streets . They were stil prest to engage their Honour , Ours stil ready to paune their cloaths . They would gallop on at sight of a Mo�ster , Ours run away at sight of a Serieant . They would helpe poore Ladies , Ours make poore Ladies .

Syn.

I Madam , they were Knights of the Round-Table at Winchester , that sought Adue�tures , but these of the Square Table at Ordinaries , that sit at Hazard .

Gyr.

True Syn , let him vanish And tel me , what shal we pawne next

Syn.

I mary , Mada� , a timely consideration , for our Hostes ( prophane woman ) has sworne by bread , & salt , she will not trust vs another meale .

Gyr.

Let it stinke in her hand the� : I le not be beholding to her . Let me see , my Iewels begone , & my Gownes , & my red veluet Petticote , that I was maried in , & my wedding silke stockings , & al thy best apparel , poore Syn . Good faith , rather the� thou shouldest pawne a ragge more , I l'd lay my Ladiship in lauender , if I knew where .

Syn.

Alas , Madam , your Ladiship ?

Gir.

I , why ? you do not scorne my Ladiship , though it is in a Wastcoate ? Gods my life , you are a Peate indeed ! do I offer to morgage my Ladiship , for you , and for your auaile , and do you turne the Lip , and the Alas to my Ladiship ?

Syn.

No Madam , but I make question , who will lend any thing vpon it ?

Gyr.

Who ? marry inow , I warrant you , if you 'le seeke 'hem out . I 'm sure I remember the time , when I would ha' giuen a thousand pound , ( if I had had it ) to haue bin a Ladie ; and I hope I was not bred and borne with that appetite alone : some other gentle-borne o' the Citie , haue the same longing I trust . And for my part , I would afford 'hem a peny'rth , my Ladiship is little the worse , for the wearing , and yet I would bate a good deale of the summe . I would lend it ( let me see ) for 40 li. in hand , Syn , that would apparrell vs ; and ten pound a yeare : that would keepe me , and you , Syn , ( with our needles ) and wee should neuer need to be beholding to our sciruy Parents ? Good Lord , that there are no Fayries now adayes , Syn .

Syn.

Why Madame ?

Gyr.

To doe Miracles , and bring Ladyes money . Sure , if we lay in a cleanly house , they would haunt it , Synne ? I le trie . I le sweepe the Chamber soone at night , & set a dish of water o' the Hearth . A Fayrie may come , and bring a Pearle , or a Diamonde Wee do not know Syn ? Or , there may be a pot of Gold hid o' the backe-side , if we had tooles to digge for 't ? why may not wee two rise earely i' the morning ( Syn ) afore any body is vp , and find a Iewell , i' the streets , worth a 100. li. ? May not some great Court-Lady , as she comes from Reuels at midnight , looke out of her Coach , as 't is running , and loose such a Iewell , and wee finde it ? Ha ?

Syn.

They are prettie waking dreames ; these .

Gyr.

Or may not some olde Vsurer bee drunke ouer-night , with a Bagge of money , and leaue it behinde him on a Stall ? for God-sake , Syn , let 's rise to morrow by breake of day , and see . I protest law , If I had as much money as an Alderman , I would seatter some on 't , i' th' streetes for poore Ladyes to finde , when their Knights were layd vp . And , nowe I remember my Song o' the Golden showre , why may not I haue such a fortune ?

I le sing it , and try what luck I shall haue after it .

Fond Fables tell of olde , How loue in Danaes lappe Fell in a showre of Gold , By which shee caught a clappe ; O , had it beene my hap , ( How ere the blow doth threaten ) So well I like the play , That I could wish all day And night to be so beaten . Enter Mistris Touchstone .

O , heer 's my Mother ! good lucke , I hope . Ha' you brought any money , Mother ? Pray you Mother , your Blessing . Nay , sweet Mother , doe not weepe .

Mistris Touch.

God blesse you ; I would I were in my Graue .

Gyr.

Nay , deare Mother , can you steale no more money from my father ? dry your eyes , & comfort me . Alas , it is my Knights fault , and not mine , that I am in a Wast-coate , and attyred thus simply .

Mistris Touch.

Simply ? T is better then thou deseru'st . Neuer whimper for the matter . Thou shouldst haue look'd , before thou hadst leap't . Thou wert a fire to be a Lady , and now your Ladishippe and you may both blowe at the Cole , for ought I know . Selfe doe , selfe haue . The hastie person neuer wants woe , they say .

Gyr.

Nay then Mother , you should ha look'd to it ; A bodie would thinke you were the older : I did but my kinde , l. He was a Knight , and I was fit to be a Lady . T is not lacke of liking , but lacke of liuing , that seuers vs . And you talke like your selfe and a Cittiner in this , yfaith . You shew what Husband you come on Iwys . You smell the Touch-stone . He that will doe more for his daughter , that he has marryed a sciruie Gold-end man , and his Prentise , then he will for his t'other Daughter , that has wedded a Knight , and his Customer . By this light , I thinke hee is not my legittimate Father .

Syn.

O good Madam , doe not take vp your mother so .

Mistris . Touch.

Nay , nay , let her cene alone . Let her Ladishippe grieue me still , with her bitter taunts and termes . I haue not dole inough to see her in this miserable case , l ? without her Veluet gownes , without Ribbands , without Iewels , without French-wires , or Cheat bread , or Quailes , or a little Dog , or a Genttleman Vsher , or any thing indeed , that 's fit for a Lady . �

Syn.

Except her tongue .

Mistris Touch.

And I not able to releiue her neither , being kept so short , by my husband . Well , God knowes my heart . I did little thinke , that euer shee should haue had need of her sister Golding .

Gyr.

Why Mother , I ha not yet . Alas , good Mother , bee not intoxicate for mee , I am well inough . I would not change husbands with my Sister , I . The legge of a Larke is better then the body of a Kight .

Mistris Touch.

I know that . But �

Gyr.

What sweete Mother , What ?

Mistris Touchstone .

It 's but ill food , when nothing's left but the Claw .

Gyr.

That 's true Mother ; Aye me .

Mistris Touchstone .

Nay , sweete Lady-bird , sigh not . Child , Madame . Why doe you weepe thus ? Bee of good cheere . I shall die , if you crye , and marre your complexion , thus ?

Gyr.

Alas Mother , what should I doe ,

Mistris Touch.

Goe to thy Sister's Childe , Shee 'le be proude , thy Lady-ship will come vnder her roofe . Shee 'le winne thy Father to release thy Knight , and redeeme thy Gownes , and thy Coach , and thy Horses , and set thee vp againe .

Gyr.

But will shee get him to set my Knight vp , too ?

Mistris Touchstone .

That shee will , or any thing else thou'lt aske her .

Gyr.

I will begin to loue her , if I thought she would doe this .

Mistris . Touch.

Try her good Chucke , I warrant thee .

Gyr.

Doost thou thinke shee 'le doo 't ?

Syn.

I Madame , and be glad you will receiue it .

Mistris . Touch.

That 's a good Mayden , shee tells you trew . Come , I le take order for your debts i the Ale-house .

Gyr.

Goe , Syn , and pray for thy Franck , as I will , for my Pet .

Enter Touchstone , Goulding , Woolfe . Touch.

I will receiue no Letters , M Woolf , you shal pardon me .

Gould .

Good Father let me entreat you .

Touch.

Sonne Goulding , I will not be tempted , I finde mine owne easie nature , and I know not what a well-pend subtile Letter may worke vpon it : There may be Tricks , Packing , doe you see ? Returne with your Packet , Sir .

Woolfe .

Beleeue it Sir , you need feare no packing here . These are but Letters of Submission , all .

Touch.

Sir , I doe looke for no Submission . I will beare my selfe in this like Blinde Iustice , Worke vpon that now . When the Sessions come , they shall heare from me .

Gould .

From whom come your Letters , M. Woolfe ?

Woolfe .

And 't please you Sir . One from Sir Petronell . Another from Francis Quickesiluer . And a third , from old Securitie , who is almost madde in Prison . There are two , to your worship : One from M. Francis , Sir . Another from the Knight .

Touch.

I doe wonder , M. Woolfe , why you should trauaile thus , in a businesse so contrarie to kinde , or the nature o' your Place ! that you beeing the Keeper of a Prison , should labour the release of your Prisoners ! Whereas mee thinkes , it were farre more Naturall , & Kindely in you , to be ranging about for more , & not let these scape you haue alreadie vnder the Tooth . But they say , you Wolues , when you ha' suck't the blood once , that they are drie , you ha' done .

Woolfe .

Sir , your Worship may descant as you please o' my name , but I protest , I was neuer so mortified with any mens discourse , or behauiour in Prison ; yet I haue had of all sorts of men i' the Kingdome , vnder my Keyes , & almost of all Religions i' the land , as Papist , Protestant , Puritane , Brownist , Anabaptist , Millenary , Family o' Loue , Iewe , Turke , Infidell , Atheist , Good Fellow , &c.

Gould .

And which of all these ( thinkes M. Woolfe ) was the best Religion ?

Woolfe .

Troth , M. Deputie , they that pay Fees best : we neuer examine their consciences farder .

Gould .

I beleeue you M. Woolfe . Good faith , Sir , Here 's a great deale of humilitie i'these Letters .

Woolfe .

Humilitie , Sir ? I , were your Worshippe an Eye-witnesse of it , you would say so . The Knight will i' the Knights-Ward , doe what wee can Sir , and Maister Quickesiluer , would be i' the Hole , if we would let him . I neuer knew , or saw Prisoners more penitent , or more deuout . They will sit you vp all night singing of Psalmes , and aedifying the whole Prison onely , Securitie sings a note to high , sometimes , because he lyes i' the Two-penny ward . farre of , and can not take his tune . The Neighbours can not rest for him , but come euery Morning to aske , what godly Prisoners we haue .

Touch.

Which on 'hem is 't is so deuout , the Knight , or the to'ther ?

Woolfe .

Both Sir . But the young Man especially ! I neuer heard his like ! He has cut his hayre too . He is so well giuen , and has such good gifts ! Hee can tell you , almost all the Stories of the Booke of Martyrs , and speake you all the Sicke-mans Salue without Booke .

Touch

I , if he had had grace , he was brought vp where it grew , I wis . On Maister Wolfe .

Wolfe .

And he has conuerted one Fangs a Sarieant , a fellow could neither write , nor read , he was call'd the Bandog o' the Counter : and he has brought him already to pare his nailes , and say his prayers , and 't is hop'd , he will sell his place shortly , and become an Intelligencer .

Touch.

No more , I am comming all ready . If I should giue any farder eare , I were take� . Adue good Maister Wolfe . Sonne , I doe feele mine owne weaknesses , do not importune me . Pity is a Rheume , that I am subiect too , but I will resist it . Maister Wolfe , Fish is cast away , that is cast in drye Pooles : Tell Hipocrisie , it will not do , I haue touchd , and tried too often ; I am yet proofe , and I will remaine so : when the Sessions come , they shall heare from me . In the meane time , to all suites , to all intreaties , to all letters , to all trickes , I will be deafe as an Adder , and blind as a Beetle , lay mine care to the ground , and lock mine eyes i' my hand , against all temptations . Exit .

Gold.

You see , maister Wolfe , how inexorable he is . There is no hope to recouer him Pray you commend me to my brother Knight , and to my fellow Francis , present 'hem with this small token of my loue ; tell 'hem , I wish I could do 'hem any worthier office , but in this , 't is desperate : yet I will not faile to trie the vttermost of my power for 'hem . And sir , as farre as I haue any credit with you pray you let 'hem want nothing : though I am not ambitious , they should know so much .

Wolse.

Sir , both your actions , and words speake you to be a true Gentleman . They shall know onely what is fit , and no more . Exeunt .

Holdfast . Bramble . Security . Hold.

Who would you speake with , Sir ?

Bra�.

I would speake with one Securitie , that is prisoner here .

Hold.

You' are welcome Sir . Stay there I le call him to you . Maister Securitie .

Secu.

Who call's ?

Hold.

Here 's a Gentleman would speake with you .

Secu.

What is he ? Is 't one that grafts my forehead now I am in prison , and comes to see how the Hornes shoote vp , and prosper .

Hold.

You must pardon him Sir : The old man is a little craz'd with his imprisonment .

Secu.

What say you to me , Sir ? Looke you here . My learned Counsaile , M. Bramble ! Crye you mercie , Sir : when sawe you my wife ?

Bram.

Shee is now at my house , Sir , and desir'd mee that I would come to Visite you and inquire of you your Case , that we might worke some meanes to get you foorth .

Secur.

My Case , M. Bramble , is stone walles , and yron grates ; you see it , this is the weakest part on 't . And , for getting me forth , no meanes but hang my selfe , and so to be carryed foorth , from which they haue here bound me , in intollerable bands .

Bram.

Why but what is 't you are in for , Sir ?

Secu.

For my Sinnes , for my Sinnes Sir , whereof Mariage , is the greatest . O , had I neuer marryed , I had neuer knowne this Purgatorie , to which Hell is a kinde of coole Bathe in respect : My wiues confederacie Sir , with olde Touchstone , that shee might keepe her Iubilaee , and the Feast of her New-Moone . Doe you vnderstand me Sir ? Enter Quickesiluer .

Quick.

Good Sir , goe in and talke with him . The Light dos him harme , and his example will bee hurtfull to the weake Prisoneis . Fit , Father Securitie , that you 'le bee still so prophane , will nothing humble you ? Enter two Prisoners , with a Friend .

Friend .

What 's he ?

Pri. 1.

O hee is a rare yong man . Doe you not know him ?

Frien.

Not I . I neuer saw him . I can remember .

Pri. 2.

Why , it is he that was the gallant Prentise of London , M. Touchstones man .

Frien.

Who Quickesiluer ?

Pri. 1.

I , this is hee .

Frien.

Is this hee ? They say , he has beene a Gallant indeede .

Pris.

O , the royall est fellow , that euer was bred vp i' the Citie . He would play you his thousand pound , a night at Dice ; keepe Knights and Lords Companie ; go with them to baudie houses ; had his fixe men in a Liuerie ; kept a stable of Hunting horses ; and his Wench in her veluet Gowne , and her Cloth of siluer . Here 's one Knight with him here in Prison .

Frien.

And how miserably he is chaung'd !

Pris. 1.

O , that 's voluntary in him ; he gaue away all his rich clothes , assoone as euer hee came in here , among the Prisoners : and will eate o' the Basket , for humilitie .

Friend .

Why will he doe so ?

Pris. 2.

Alas hee has no hope of life . Hee mortifies himselfe . He dos but linger on , till the Sessions .

Pris. 2.

O , he has pen'd the best thing , that hee calles his Repentance , or his Last Fare-well , that euer you heard : Hee is a pretie Poet , and for Prose � You would wonder how many Prisoners he has help't out , with penning Petitions for 'hem , and not take a penny . Looke , this is the Knight , in the rugge Gowne . Standby .

Enter Petronel , Bramble , Quickesiluer , Woolfe . Bram.

Sir , for Securities Case , I haue told him ; Say he should be condemned to be carted , or whipt , for a Bawde , or so , why I le lay an Execution on him o'two hundred pound , let him acknowledge a Iudgement , he shal do it in halfe an howre , they shal not all fetch him out , without paying the Execution , o' my word .

Pet.

But can we not be bay'ld M. Bramble ?

Bram.

Hardly , there are none of the Iudges in Towne , else you should remoue your selfe ( in spight of him ) with a Habeas Corpus : But if you haue a Friend to deliuer your tale sensibly to some Iustice o' the Towne , that hee may haue feeling of it , ( doe you see ) you may be bayl'd . For as I vnderstand the Case , t is onely done , In Terrorem , and you shall haue an Action of false Imprisonment against him , when you come out : and perhaps a thousand pound Costes . Enter M. Woolfe .

Quick.

How now , M , Woolfe ? What newes ? what returne ?

Woolfe .

Faith , bad all : yonder will bee no Letters receiued . He sayes the Sessions shall determine it . Onely , M. Deputie Golding commends him to you , and with this token , wishes he could doe you other good .

Quick.

I thanke him . Good M. Bramble , trouble our quiet no more ; doe not molest vs in Prison thus , with your winding deuises : Pray you depart . For my pat , I my cause to him that can succour mee , let God worke his will . M. Woolfe , I pray you let this be distributed , among the Prisoners , and desire 'hem to pray for vs .

Woolfe .

It shall bee done , M. Francis .

Pris. 1.

An excellent temper !

Pris. 2.

Nowe God send him good-lucke . Exeunt .

Pet.

But what said my Father in Lawe , M. Woolfe ?

Enter Hold . Hold.

Here 's one would speake with you , Sir .

Woolfe .

I le tell you anon Sir Petronell . who is 't ?

Hold.

A Gentleman , Sir , that will not be seene . Enter Gold .

Woolfe .

Where is he ? M. Deputie ! your wor: is wel-come . �

Gold.

Peace !

Woolfe .

Away , Srah .

Gold.

Good faith , M. Woolfe , the estate of these Gentlemen , for whome you were so late and willing a Sutor , doth much affect mee : and because I am desirous to doe them some faire office , and find there is no meanes to make my Father relent , so likely , as to bring him to be a Spectator of their Miseries ; I haue ventur'd on a deuice , which is , to make make my selfe your Prisoner : entreating , you will presently goe report it to my Father , and ( fayning , an Action , at sute of some third person ) pray him by this Token , that he will presently , and with all secrecie , come hether for my Bayle ; which trayne , ( if any ) I know will bring him abroad ; and then , hauing him here , I doubt not but we shall be all fortunate , in the Euent .

Woolf.

Sir , I wil put on my best speede , to effect it . Please you come in .

Gold.

Yes ; And let me rest conceal'd , I pray you .

VVoolfe .

See , here a Benefit , truely done ; when it is done timely , freely , and to no Ambition . Exit .

Enter Touchstone , VVife , Daughters , Syn , VVinyfred . Touch-stone .

I will sayle by you , and not heare you , like the wise Vlisses .

Mild.

Deare Father .

Mistris Touch.

Husband .

Gyr.

Father .

VVin. & Syn.

M. Touchstone .

Touc.

away syrens , I will inmure my selfe , against your cryes ; and locke my selfe vpto our Lamentations .

Mistris Touch.

Gentle Husband , heare me .

Gyr.

Father , It is I Father ; my Lady Flash : my sister and I am Friends .

Mil.

Good Father .

VVyn.

Be not hardned , good M. Touchstone .

Syn.

I pray you , Sir , be mercifull .

Touch.

I am dease , I doe not heare you ; I haue stopt mine eares , with Shoomakers waxe , and drunke Lethe , and Mandragora to forget you : All you speake to mee , I commit to the Ayre . Enter VVoolfe .

Mil.

How now , M. VVoolfe ?

VVoolfe .

Where 's M. Touchstone ? I must speake with him presently : I haue lost my breath for hast .

Mild.

What 's the matter Sir ? pray all be well .

Wolfe .

Maister Deputy Goulding is arrested vpon an execution , and desires him presently to come to him , forthwith .

Mild.

Aye me ; doe you heare Father ?

Touch.

Tricks , tricks , confederacie , tricks , I haue 'hem in my nose , I sent 'hem .

Wol.

Who 's that ? maister Touchstone ?

Mi. Tou.

Why it is M. Wolfe himselfe , husband .

Mil.

Father .

Touch.

I am dease still , I say : I will neither yeeld to the song of the Syren , nor the voice of the Hyena , the teares of the Crocodile , nor the howling o' the Wolfe : auoid my habitatio mo�sters ,

Wolfe .

Why you are not mad Sir ? I pray you looke forth , and see the token I haue brought you , Sir .

Touch.

Ha! what token is it ?

Wolf.

Do you know it Sir ?

Tou.

My sonne Gouldings ring ! Are you in earnest Mai Wolfe ?

Wolf.

I by my faith sir . He is in prison , and requir'd me to vse all speed , and secrecie to you .

Touch.

My Cloake there ( pray you be patient ) I am plagu'd for my Austeritie ; my Cloake : at whose suite maister Wolfe ?

Wolfe .

I le tell you as we goe sir . Exeunt .

Enter Friend . Prisoners . Frie.

Why , but is his offence such as he cannot hope of life ?

Pri. 1.

Troth it should seeme so : and 't is great pity ; for he is exceeding penitent .

Fri.

They say he is charg'd but on suspicion of Felony , yet .

Pri. 2.

I but his maister is a shrewd fellow , Hee le proue great matter against him .

Fri.

I 'de as liue as any thing , I could see his Farewell .

Pri. 1.

O t is rarely written : why Tobis may get him to sing it to you , hee 's not curious to any body .

Pri. 1.

O no . He would that all the world should take knowledge of his Repentance , and thinkes he merits in 't , the more shame he suffers .

Pri. 1.

Pray thee try , what thou canst doe .

Pri. 2.

I warrant you , he will not deny it ; if he be not hoarce with the often repeating of it . Exit .

Pri. 1.

You neuer saw a more courteous creature , then he is ; and the Knight too : the poorest Prisoner of the house may command 'hem . You shall heare a thing , admirably pend .

Fri.

Is the Knight any , Scholler too ?

Pris. 1.

No , but he will speake verie well , and discourse admirably of running Horses , and White-Friers , and against Baudes ; and of Cocks ; and talke as loude as a Hunter , but is none .

Enter Wolfe and Touchstone . Wolf.

Please you stay here sir , I le cal his worship downe to you .

Pris. 1.

See , he has brought him , and the Knight too . Salute him I pray , Sir , this Gentleman , vpon our report , is very desirous to heare some piece of your Repentance . Enter Quick . Pet. &c.

Quic.

Sir , with all my heart , & as I told M. Tobie , I shall be glad to haue any man a witnesse of it . And the more openly I prosesse it , I hope it will appeare the hartier and the more vnfained .

Touch.

Who is this ? my man Francis ? and my sonne in Lawe ?

Quick.

Sir , it is all the Testmonie I shall leaue behind me to the World , and my Master , that I haue so offended .

Friend .

Good Sir

Qui.

I writ it , whe� my spirits were opprest .

Pet.

I , I le be sworne for you Francis .

Quick.

It is in imitation of Maningtons ; he that was hangd at Cambridge , that cut of the Horses head at a blow .

Frie.

So sir .

Quick.

To the tune of I waile in woe , I plunge in paine .

Pet.

An excellent Ditty it is , and worthy of a new tune .

Qui. In Cheapside famous for Gold & Plate , Quicksiluer I did dwel of late : I had a Master good , and kind , That vvould haue vvrought me to his mind . He bad me still , VVorke vpon that , But alas I vvrought I knevv not vvhat . He vvas a Touchstone black , but true : And told me still , vvhat vvould ensue , Yet , vvoe is me , I vvould not learne , I savv , alas , but could not discerne . Frien.

Excellent , excellent well .

Gould .

O let him alone , Hee is taken already .

Quic. I cast my Coat , and Cap avvay , I vvent in silkci , and saitens gay , False Mettall of good manners , I Did dayly coint valavvsully . I scornd my Master , being drunke . I kept my Golding , and my Punke , And vvith a knight , sir Flash , by name , ( VVho novv is sory for the same ) Pet.

I thanke you Francis .

I thought by sea to runne , But Thames , and Tempest did me stay .

Touch.

This cannot be fained sure . Heauen pardon my seucrity . The Ragged Colt , may prooue a good Horse .

Gould .

How he listens ! and is transported ? He has forgot me .

Quic. Still Eastward hoe vvas all my word : But VVestward I had no regard . Nor neuer thought , vvhat vvould coine after As did alas his youngest Daughter , At last the black Oxe trode o' my foote , And I savv then vvhat longd vntoo 't , Novv try I , Touchstone , touch me stil , And make me currant by thy skill . Touch.

And I will do it , Francis .

Wolfe .

Stay him M. Deputie , now is the time , we shall loose the song else .

Frie.

I protest it is the best that euer I heard .

Quick.

How like you it Gentlemen ?

All .

O admirable , sir !

Quic.

This Stanze now following , alludes to the story of Mannington from whence I tooke my proiect for my inuention .

Frin.

Pray you goe on sir .

Quic. O Manington thy stories shevv , Thou cutst a Horse-head off at a blovv But I confesse , I haue not the force For to cut off the head of a horse , Yet I desire this grace to vvinne , That I may cut off the Horse-head of Sin . And leaue his body in the dust Of sinnes high vvay and bogges of Lust , VVherby I may take Vertues purse , And liue vvith her for better , for vvorse . Frin.

Admirable sir , & excellently conceited .

Quic.

Alas sir .

Touch.

Sonne Goulding & M. Wolfe , I thank you : the deceipt is welcome , especially from thee whose charitable soule in this hath shewne a high point of wisedome and honesty . Listen . I am rauished with his Repentance , and could stand here a whole prentiship to heare him ,

Frien.

Forth good sir .

Quick.

This is the last , and the Farewell .

Farevvel Cheapside , farewell svveet trade Of Goldsmithes all , that neuer shall fade Farevvell deare fellovv Prentises all And be you vvarned by my sall : Shun Vsurers , Bauds , and dice , and drabs . Auoide them as you vvould French scabs Seeke not to goe beyond your Tether , But cut your Thongs vnto your Lether So shall you thriue by little and little , Scape Tiborne , Cou�ters , & the Spitle Touch.

And scape them shalt thou my penitent , & deare Frances .

Quick.

Master !

Pet.

Father !

Touch.

I can no longer forbeare to doe your humility right : Arise , and let me honour your Repentance , with the hearty and ioyfull embraces , of a Father , and Friends loue . Quicksiluer , thou hast eate into my breast , Quicksiluer , with the dropps of thy sorrow , and kild the desperate opinion I had of thy reclaime :

Quick.

O sir , I am not worthy to see your worshipfull face .

Pet.

Forgiue me Father .

Touch.

Speake no more , all former passages , are forgotten , and here my word shall release you . Thanke this worthy Brother & kind friend , Francis . � M. Wolfe . I am their Bayle ;

A shoute in the Prison . Secu.

Maister Touchstone ? Maister Touchstone ?

Touch.

Who 's that ?

Wolfe .

Securitie , Sir .

Secu.

Pray you Sir , if you le be wonne with a Song , heare my lamentable tune , too :

SONG . O Maister Touchstone , My heart is full of vvoe ; Alasse , I am a Cuckold : And , vvhy should it be so ? Because I vvas a Usurer , And Bavvd , as all you knovv , For vvhich , againe I tell you , My heart is full of vvot . Touch.

Bring him forth , Maister Wolfe , and release his bands . This day shal be sacred to Mercy , & the mirth of this Encounter , in the Counter . � See , we are encountred with more Suters .

Enter Mist. Touchst. Gyr. Mil. Synd. Winnif . &c.

Saue your Breath , saue your Breath ; All things haue succeeded to your wishes : & we are heartely satisfied in their euents .

Gyr.

Ah Runaway , Runaway ! haue I caught you ? And , how has my poore Knight done all this while ?

Pet.

Deare Lady-wife ; forgiue me .

Gert.

As heartely , as I would be forgiuen , Knight . Deare Father , giue me your blessing , and forgiue me too ; I ha' bene proud , and lasciuious , Father ; and a Foole , Father ; and being raisd to the state of a wanton coy thing , calld a Lady , Father ; haue scorn'd you , Father ; and my Sister ; & my Sisters Veluet Cap , too ; and would make a mouth at the Citty , as I ridde through it ; and stop mine eares at Bow-bell : I haue said your Beard was a Base one , Father ; and that you look'd like Twierpipe , the Taberer ; and that my Mother was but my Midwife .

Mi. Tou.

Now God forgi' you , Child Madame .

Touch.

No more Repetitions . What is else wanting , to make our Harmony full ?

Gould

Only this , sir . That my fellow Francis make amends to mistresse Sindefie , with mariage .

Quic.

With all my heart .

Gould .

And Security giue her a dower , which shall be all the

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Ilend true : They call me coozen Franke , right ; I lend them monnies , good ; they spend it wiit pedegree , Gods my life . Sirrah Goulding , wilt be ruled by a foole ? turne good fellow Eous beames of lusty Sol appeare , " And bright Eovs makes the welkin cleare . We are both Gentlemen a�t dropping nose , vnder a wodden pent-house , and art a gentleman ? wilt thou beare Tankards , G ulding Ha Gulding ? I commend thee , I approoue thee , and wise appeare my affection is strong to thee . My wife has her humour , and I will ha , mine . mis�baunce onely worke to watch her , nor sufficient mischaunce , to suspect her . Thou art towardly , shee veriue care and loue hapinesse of life : let your vertue still direct it , for to your wisedome I l�st Which thriues the best , the meane or loftie loue . Whether fit morrallsence expence . When seeming lightnesse beares a morall sense . pickell Pickle ? pickle in thy throate ; zounes pickle ? wa ha ho , good morow knight Petronell ferters Am I free a , my fetters ? Rense ; Flye with a Duck in thy mouth soorth forth my brauerie . Now let my Truncks shoote foor their silkes concealde , I now am free ; mor rallitie A pox on you , who taught you this morrallitie ? sether earnest , if you can get your wise Lady to set her hand to the sale of her Inheritance hexr his new coate , the� she longs to ride in her new Coache : She would long for euery thing desne honest humours forsooth , for she had a great desire to be a Nun , an't please you . by ' rladie I by'r ladie Madam , a little thing does that ; rladie I by'r ladie Madam , a little thing does that ; I haue how thy castle afore thou com'st : But I marle howe my modest Sister occupies her selfe this emy castle afore thou com'st : But I marle howe my modest Sister occupies her selfe this morning blesle your daughter , my hope is , heauen will so blese our humble beginning , that in the end I grieftis in thy lookes in Capitall Letters . What a grief 'tis to depart , and leaue the slower that cother one halfe with your Lady , and keepe the tother your selfe : or else doe as all true Louers reachevs now bee gone before , where they can not reache vs . sigentmemorie Cap : slight God forgiue mee , what kind of figent memory haue you ? Imary I may Gossip thats our present care . Seaguli This , Captaine Seagull ; wee'll haue our prouided Supper brought espepecially a proper taking indeed to take a Boate , especially at this time of night , and against Tide Iowe Home , that has knowne me thus abrode ? how I owe shall I crouch away , that no eye may vousscaues Oui Monsieur , il est trop vraye ; mais vovs scaves bien nous somes toutes subiect a fortune thensigne huntsman ; Farewell thou Horne of Destinie , the signe of the married man ; Farewell thou asore for a Grauesend Tost : There's that gone afore , wil stay your Admiral and Ʋice-admirall co���� no doubt a good voyage . Nay pray you be couer'd Sir . How did your Bisquet hold out Sir Beling sgate fortune by sea , tooke in fresh flesh at Belingsgate , for his owne diet , to serue him the whole butrecuidance and God doth often punish such pride , and outrecuidance , with scorne and infamy , which is the keeepe him foole , saies another , he could not keepe it when he had it ; A pox o'the Cullio� li� summe . I would lend it ( let me see ) for 40 li. in hand , Syn , that would apparrell vs loook'd Nay then Mother , you should ha look'd to it ; A bodie would thinke you were the Paritane Religions i'the land , as Papist , Protestant , Puritane , Brownist , Anabaptist , Millenary , Family Fam�ly Paritane , Brownist , Anabaptist , Millenary , Family o' Loue , Iewe , Turke , Infidell , Atheist o'Loue Brownist , Anabaptist , Millenary , Family o' Loue , Iewe , Turke , Infidell , Atheist Priso� singing of Psalmes , and aedifying the whole Prison onely , Securitie sings a note to high , Excunt Exeunt . wor Where is he ? M. Deputie ! your wor: is wel-come . � sayning presently goe report it to my Father , and ( fayning , an Action , at sute of some third person withall Sir , with all my heart , & as I told M. Tobie , I shall vnsained it will appeare the hartier and the more vnfained . aster . Nor neuer thought , vvhat vvould coine after As did alas his youngest Daughter , At last sinneshigh of Sin . And leaue his body in the dust Of sinnes high vvay and bogges of Lust , VVherby I sarevvel Farevvel Cheapside , farewell svveet trade Of Goldsmithes all , that neuer Fatherl Father! ! shable Wolfe , and release his bands . This day shalbe sacred to Mercy , & the mirth of this Encounter forgi'you Now God forgi' you , Child Madame . do And Security giue her a dower wer , which shall be all the
A04645 ---- Epicoene, or The Silent Woman Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04645 of text S113330 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14763). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Hannah Bredar Keren Yi This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04645.xml Epicoene, or the silent woman. A comedie. Acted in the yeare 1609. By the children of her majesties revels. The author B. I. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 51 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2011 April (TCP phase 2) 99848566 STC (2nd ed.) 14763. 13668 A04645

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 Epicoene, or the silent woman. A comedie. Acted in the yeare 1609. By the children of her majesties revels. The author B. I. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [108] p. Printed by William Stansby, and are to be sold by Iohn Browne at his shop in Saint Dunstanes Church-yard in Fleetstreet, London : 1620. 1610

B. I. = Ben Jonson.

Signatures: A-O4 (-A1-2, blank?).

Reproduction of the original in the Bodleian Library.

 A04645 shc Epicoene or The Silent Woman Jonson, Ben Hannah Bredar 1609 play CO shc no A04645 S113330 (STC 14763). 35729 0 0 0 104336.14F The rate of 336.14 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the F category of texts with 100 or more defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

EPICOENE , OR The silent VVoman . A Comoedie . Acted in the yeare 1609 . By the Children of her Majesties REVELS .

The Author B. I.

HORAT Vt sis tu similis Coelî , Byrrhique latronum , Non ego sim Caprî , neque Sulcî . Cur metuas me ?

LONDON , Printed by William Stansby , and are to be sold by Iohn Browne at his shop in Saint Dunstanes Church-yard in Fleetstreet . 1620 .

TO THE TRVELY NOBLE , BY ALL TITLES , Sir Francis Stuart : SIR ,

MY hope is not so nourish'd by example , as it will conclude , this dumbe peece should please you , by cause it hath pleas'd others before : but by trust , that when you haue read it , you will find it worthy to haue dis-pleas'd none . This makes , that I now number you , not only in the Names of fauour , but the Names of iustice , to what I write ; and doe , presently , call you to the exercise of that noblest , and manlyest vertue : as coueting rather to be freed in my fame , by the authoritie of a Iudge , then the credit of an Vndertaker . Reade therefore , I pray you , and censure . There is not a line , or syllable in it changed from the simplicitie of the first Copie . And , when you shall consider , through the certaine hatred of some , how much a mans innocency may bee indanger'd by an vncertaine accusation ; you will , I doubt not , so beginne to hate the iniquitie of such natures , as I shall loue the contumely done me , whose end was so honorable , as to be wip'd off by your sentence .

Your vnprofitable , but true louer , BEN IONSON .
The Persons of the Play . A Gentleman that loues no noyse . A Knight , his nephew . A Gentleman , his friend . Another friend . A yong Gent. suppos'd the silent Woman . A Knight , her seruant . A Knight also . A land , and sea Captayne . A Barber . One of Morose his seruants . Ladies Collegiates . Ladies Collegiates . Ladies Collegiates . The Lady Haughties woman . The Captaynes wife . Pretenders . Parson . Pages . Seruants .

THE SCENE LONDON .

EPICOENE , OR The silent VVoman .
PROLOGVE . TRuth sayes , of old , the art of making Playes Was to content the people ; and their prayse Was to the Poet money , wine , and bayes . But in this age , a sect of Writers are , That , onely , for particular likings care , And will taste nothing that is populare . With such we mingle neither braynes , nor brests ; Our wishes , like to those ( make publike feasts ) Are not to please the Cookes tastes , but the guests . Yet , if those cunning palates hether come , They shall find guests entreatie , and good roome ; And though all rellish not , sure , there will be some , That , when they leaue their seates , shall make 'hem say , Who wrote that piece , could so haue wrote a Play : But that , he knew , this was the better way . For , to present all Custard , or all Tart , And haue no other meats , to beare a part , Or to want bread , and salt , were but course art . The Poet prayes you then , with better thought To sit ; and , when his Cates are all in brought , Though there be none farre fet , there will deare-bought Be fit for Ladies : some for Lords , Knights , Squires , Some for your waiting wench , and Citie-wires , Some for your men , and daughters of White-Fryars . Nor is it , onely , while you keepe your seate Here , that his feast will last ; but you shall eate A weeke at Ord'naries , on his broken meate : If his Muse be true , Who commends her to you . Another . THe ends of all , who for the Scene doe write , Are , Occasion'd by some persons impertinent exception . or should be , to profit , and delight . And still 't hath beene the prayse of all best times , So persons were not touch'd , to taxe the crimes . Then , in this Play , which we present tonight , And make the obiect of your eare , and sight , On forfeit of your selues , thinke nothing true , Lest so you make the maker to iudge you . For he knowes , Poet neuer credit gain'd By writing truths , but things ( like truths ) well fain'd . If any , yet , will ( with particular slight Of application ) wrest what he doth write ; And that he meant or him , or her , will say : They make a Libell , which he made a Play .
Act I.
Scene I. Clerimont , Boy , True-wit .

He comes out making himselfe ready . HA' you got the Song yet perfect I ga' you , Boy ?

Boy .

Yes , Sir .

Cle.

Let me heare it .

Boy .

You shall , Sir , but i'faith let no body else .

Cle.

Why , I pay ?

Boy .

It will get you the dangerous name of a Poet in Towne , Sir , besides me a perfect deale of ill will at the Mansion you wot of , whose Ladie is the Argument of it : where now I am the welcom'st thing vnder a man that comes there .

Cle.

I think , and aboue a man too , if the truth were rack'd out of you .

Boy .

No faith , I 'll confesse before , Sir . The Gentlewomen play with me , and throw me o' the bed ; and carry me into my Lady ; and shee kisses me with her oyl'd face ; and puts a Perruke o' my head ; and askes mee an' I will weare her Gowne ; and I say , no : and then shee hits mee a blow o' the eare , and cals me Innocent , and lets me goe .

Cle.

No maruell , if the doore bee kept shut against your Master , when the entrance is so easie to you — well Sir , you shall goe there no more , lest I bee faine to seeke your voice in my Ladies Rushes , a fortnight hence , Sing , Sir . Boy sings .

Tru.

Why , here 's the man that can melt away his time , and neuer feeles it ! what , betweene his Mistris abroad , and his Engle at home , high Fare , soft Lodging , fine Clothes , and his Fiddle ; he thinkes the houres ha' no wings , or the day no Post-horse . Well , Sir Gallant , were you strooke with the Plague this minute , or condemn'd to any capitall punishment to morrow , you would beginne then to thinke , and value euery Article o' your time , esteeme it at the true rate , and giue all for 't .

Cle.

Why , what should a man doe ?

Tru.

Why , nothing : or that , which when 't is done , is as idle . Harken after the next Horse-race , or Hunting-match ; lay Wagers , prayse Puppy , or Pepper-corne , White-foot , Franklin ; Horses o' the time . swere vpon White-maynes party ; spend aloud , that my Lords may heare you ; visit my Ladies at night , and bee able to giue 'hem the Character of euery Bowler , or Better o' the Greene . These be the things , wherein your fashionable men exercise themselues , and I for company .

Cle.

Nay , if I haue thy authority , I 'le not leaue yet . Come , the other are considerations , when wee come to haue gray heads , and weake hammes , moist eyes , and shrunke members . we thinke shee sleepes : nor , when the doores are shut , should men be inquiring , all is sacred within , then . Is it for vs to see their Perrukes put on , their false Teeth , their Complexion , their Eye-browes , their Nailes ? you see guilders will not worke , but inclos'd . They must not discouer , how little serue , with the helpe of arte , to adorne a great deale . How long did the Canuas hang afore Ald-gate ? were the people suffer'd to see the Cities Loue , and Charitie , while they were rude stone , before they were painted , and burnish'd ? No . No more should Seruants approch their Mistresses , but when they are compleat , and finish'd .

Cle.

Well said , my True-wit .

Tru.

And a wise Ladie will keepe a guard alwayes vpon the place , that she may doe things securely . I once followed a rude fellow into a Chamber , where the poore Madame , for haste , and troubled , snatch'd at her Perruke , to couer her baldnesse : and put it on , the wrong way .

Cle.

O prodigie !

Tru.

And the vn-conscionable Knaue held her in Complement an houre , with that reuerst face , when I still look'd when she should talke from the t'other side .

Cle.

Why , thou should'st ha' releeu'd her .

Tru.

No faith , I let her alone , as wee 'll let this argument , if you please , and passe to another , When saw you Dauphine , Eugenie ?

Cle.

Not these three dayes . Shall we goe to him this morning ? he is very melancholique , I heare .

Tru

Sicke o' the Vncle ? is hee ? I met that stiffe peece of Formalitie , his Vncle , yesterday , with a huge Turbant of Night-Caps on his head , buckled ouer his eares .

Cle.

O , that 's his custome when he walkes abroad . Hee can endure no noyse , man .

Tru.

So I haue heard . But is the disease so ridiculous in him , as it is made ? they say , hee has beene vpon diuers Treaties with the Fish-wiues , and Orenge-women ; and Articles propounded betweene them : marry , the Chimney-sweepers will not be drawne in .

Cle.

No , nor the Broome-men : They stand out stiffely . Hee cannot endure a Costard-monger , hee swounes if hee heare one .

Tru.

Me thinkes , a Smith should be ominous .

Cle.

Or any Hammer-man . A Brasier is not suffer'd to dwell in the Parish , nor an Armorer . He would haue hang'd a Pewterers 'prentice once vp on a Shroue-tuesdayes Ryot , for being o' that Trade , when the rest were quit .

Tru.

A Trumpet should fright him terribly , or the Hau'boyes ?

Cle.

Out of his senses . The Waights of the Citie haue a Pension of him , not to come neere that Ward . This Youth practis'd on him , one night , like the Bell-man ; and neuer left till hee had brought him downe to the doore , with a Long-Sword : and there left him flourishing with the Ayre .

Boy .

Why , Sir ! hee hath chosen a street to lye in , so narrow at both ends , that it will receiue no Coaches , nor Carts , nor any of these common noyses : and therefore , wee that loue him , deuise to bring him in such as wee may , now and then , for his exercise , to breath him . Hee would grow restie else in his ease . His Vertue would rust without action . I entreated a Beare-ward , one day , to come downe with the Dogges of some foure Parishes that way , and I thanke him , he did ; and cryed his Games vnder Master Morose's windore : till hee was sent crying away , with his head made a most bleding Spectacle to the multitude . And , another time , a Fencer , marching to his Prize , had his Drumme most tragically runne thorow , for taking that street in his way , at my request .

Tru.

A good Wagge . How do's he for the Bells ?

Cle.

O , i' the Queenes time , he was woont to goe out of Towne euery Satterday at ten a clocke , or on Holy-day-eues . But now , by reason of the sicknesse , the perpetuitie of ringing has made him deuise a roome , with double walles , and treble feelings ; the windores close shut , and calle'd : and there he liues by Candle-light . Hee turn'd away a man last weeke , for hauing a paire of new Shooes , that creak'd . And this fellow wayts on him now , in Tennis-court Sockes , or Slippers sol'd with Wooll : and they talke each to other , in a Trunke . See who comes here .

Act I. Scene II. Dauphine , Tru-wit , Clerimont .

HOw now ! what alle you Sirs ? dumbe ?

Tru.

Strooke into stone almost , I am here , with Tales o' thine Vncle ! There was neuer such a Prodigie heard of .

Daup.

I would you would once loose this subiect , my masters , for my sake . They are such as you are , that haue brought me into that predicament , I am , with him .

Tru.

How is that ?

Daup.

Marry , that he will dis-inherit mee , no more . Hee thinkes , I , and my companie are Authours of all the ridiculous Acts , and Moniments are told of him .

Tru.

Slid , I would bee the Authour of more , to vexe him , that purpose deserues it : it giues thee law of plaguing him . I 'll tell thee what I would doe . I would make a false Almanake ; get it printed : and then ha' him drawne out on a Coronation day to the Tower-Wharfe , and kill him with the noyse of the Ordinance . Dis-inherit thee ! hee cannot , man . Art not thou next of bloud , and his Sisters Sonne ?

Daup.

I but hee will thrust mee out of it , hee vowes , and marry .

Tru.

How ! that 's a more portent . Can he endure no noise , and will venter on a Wife ?

Cle.

Yes : why , thou art a stranger , it seemes , to his best tricke , yet . He has imployd a fellow this halfe yeere , all ouer England , to harken him out a dumbe woman ; be she of any forme , or any qualitie , so shee be able to beare children : her silence is Dowrie enough , he sayes .

Tru.

But , I trust to God , he has found none .

Cle.

No , but he has heard of one that 's lodg'd i' the next street to him , who is exceedingly soft-spoken ; thrifty of her speech ; that spends but sixe words a day . And her he 's about now , and shall haue her .

Tru.

Is 't possible ! who is his agent i' the businesse ?

Cle.

Marry , a Barber , one Cut-berd : an honest fellow , one that tels Dauphine all here .

Tru.

Why , you oppresse me with wonder ! A woman , and a Barber , and loue no noyse !

Cle.

Yes faith . The fellow trims him silently , and has not the knacke with his Sheeres , or his fingers : and that continence in a Barber hee thinkes so eminent a vertue , as it has made him chiefe of his counsell .

Tru.

Is the Barber to be seene ? or the Wench ?

Cle.

Yes , that they are .

Tru.

I pray thee , Dauphine , let 's goe thether .

Daup

I haue some businesse now : I cannot i' faith .

Tru.

You shall haue no businesse shall make you neglect this , Sir , wee 'll make her talke , beleeue it ; or if she will not , wee can giue out , at least so much as shall interrupt the Treaty : we will breake it . Thou art bound in conscience , when he suspects thee without cause to torment him .

Daup.

Not I , by any meanes . I ll giue no suffrage to 't . Hee shall neuer ha that plea against mee , that I oppos'd the least phant'sie of his . Let it lye vpon my Starres to be guilty , I 'll be innocent .

Tru.

Yes , and be poore , and begge ; doe , innocent : when some Groome of his has got him an Heire , or this Barber , if he himselfe cannot . Innocent ! I pray thee , Ned , where lyes she ? let him be innocent , still .

Cle.

Why , right ouer against the Barbers ; in the house , where Sir Iohn Daw lyes .

Tru.

You doe not meane to confound me !

Cle.

Why ?

Tru.

Do's he , that would marry her , know so much ?

Daup.

Excellent ! He was a fine youth last night , but now he is much finer ! what is his christen-name ? I ha' forgot .

Cle.

Si Amorous La-foole .

Boy .

The Gentleman is here below , that ownes that name .

Cle.

Hart , hee 's come , to inuite mee to Dinner , I hold my life .

Daup.

Like enough : pray thee , let 's ha' him vp .

Cle.

Boy , marshall him .

Boy .

With a Truncheon , Sir ?

Cle.

A way , I beseech you . I 'le make him tell vs his Pedegree , now ; and what meate hee has to Dinner ; and , who are his Guests ; and , the whole course of his fortunes : with a breath .

Act I. Scene IIII . La-Foole Clerimont , Dauphine .

S'Aue , deare Sir Dauphine , honor'd Master Clerimont .

Cle.

Sir Amorous ! you haue very much honested my Lodging , with your presence .

La-f.

Good faith it is a fine Lodging ! almost , as delicate a Lodging , as mine .

Cle.

Not so , Sir .

La-f.

Excuse me , Sir , if it were i' the Strand , I assure you . I am come , Master Clermont , to entreat you wait vpon two or three Ladies , to dinner , to day .

Cle.

How , Sir ! wait vpon 'hem ? did you euer see me carrie Dishes ?

La-f.

No , Sir , dispence with mee ; I meant , to beare 'hem company .

Cle.

O , that I will , Sir . The doubtfulnesse o' your phrase , beleeue it , Sir , would breed you a quarrell , once an houre , with the terrible Boyes , if you should but keepe 'hem fellowship a day .

La-f.

It should be extremely against my will , Sir , if I contested with any man .

Cle.

I beleeue it , Sir ; where hold you your Feast ?

La-f.

At Tom Otters , Sir .

Daup.

Tom Otter ? what 's he ?

La-f.

Captaine Otter , Sir ; he is a kind of Gamester : but he has had command , both by Sea , and by Land .

Daup.

O , then he is animal amphibium ?

La-f.

I , Sir : his Wife was the rich China-woman , that the Courtiers visited so often , that gaue the rare entertaynment . She commands all at home .

Cle.

Then , she is Captaine Otter ?

La-f.

You say very well , Sir : she is my Kins-woman , a La-Foole by the Mother side , and will inuite , any great Ladies , for my sake .

Daup.

Not of the La-Fooles of Essex ?

La-f.

No , Sir , the La-Fooles of London .

Cle.

Now , h 'is in .

La-f.

They all come out of our House , the La-fooles o' the North , the La-fooles o' the West , the La-Fooles of the East , and South — wee are as ancient a Family , as any is in Europe — but I my selfe am descended lineally of the French La-Fooles — and , wee doe beare for our Coat Yellow , or Or , checker'd Azure , and Gules , and some three or foure Colours more , which is a very noted Coate , and has , sometimes beene solemnely worne by diuers Nobilitie of our House — but let that goe , Antiquity is not respected now — I had a brace of fat Does sent mee Gentlemen , and halfe a dosen of Phesants , a dosen or two of God wits , and some other Fowle , which I would haue eaten , while they are good , and in good company — there will bee a grat Lady , or two , my Lady Haughty , my Lady Centaure , Mistris Dol Mauis — and they come a'purpose , to see the silent Gentlewoman , Mistris Epicoene , that honest Sir Iohn Daw has promis'd to bring thether — and then , Mistris Trusty , my Ladies Woman , will be there too , and this Honourable Knight , Sir Dauphine , with your selfe , Master Clerimont — and wee 'll be very merry , and haue Fidlers , and daunce — I haue beene a madde Wag , in my time , and haue spent some Crownes since I was a Page in Court , to my Lord Lofty , and after , my Ladies Gentleman-vsher , who got me knighted in Ireland , since it pleas'd my elder Brother to dye — I had as faire a gold Ierkin on that day , as any was worne in the Iland-Voyage , or at Caliz , none disprays'd , and I came ouer in it hither , show'd my selfe to my friends , in Court , and after went downe to my Tenants , in the Countrey , and suruai'd my Lands , let new Leases , tooke their Money , spent it in the eye o' the Land here , vpon Ladies — and now I can take vp at my pleasure .

Daup.

Can you take vp Ladies , Sir ?

Cle.

O , let him breathe , he has not recouer'd .

Daup.

Would I were your halfe , in that commoditie —

La-f.

No , Sir , excuse mee : I meant Money , which can take vp any thing . I haue another Guest , or two , to inuite , and say as much to , Gentlemen . I 'll take my leaue abruptly , in hope you will not faile — Your Seruant .

Daup.

Wee will not faile you , Sir precious La-Foole ; but she shall , that your Ladies come to see : if I haue credit , afore Sir Daw .

Cle.

Did you euer heare such a wind-sucker , as this ?

Daup.

Or , such a Rooke , as the other ! that will betray his Mistris , to be seene . Come , 't is time , we preuented it .

Cle.

Goe .

Act II.
Scene I. Morose , Mute .

CAnnot I , yet , finde out a more compendious method , then by this Trunke , to saue my Seruants the labour of speech , and mine eares , the discord of sounds ? Let me see : all Discourses , but mine owne , afflict mee , they seeme harsh , impertinent , and irkesome . Is it not possible , that thou should'st answere me , by Signes , and , I apprehend thee , fellow ? speake not , though I question you . You haue taken the Ring , off from the street doore , as I bad you ? answere mee not , by speech , but by silence ; vnlesse , At the breaches , still the fellow makes legs , or signes it be otherwise ( — ) very good . And , you haue fastened on a thick quilt , or flock-bed , on the out-side of the doore ; that if they knocke with their Daggers , or with Brick-bats , they can make no noyse ? but with your legge , your answere , vnlesse it bee otherwise ( — ) very good . This is not , onely , fit modestie in a Seruant , but good state , and discretion in a Master . And you haue beene with Cutberd , the Barber , to haue him come to mee ? ( — ) good . And , hee will come presently ? answere mee not but with your legge , vnlesse it bee otherwise : if it bee otherwise , shake your head , or shrugge ( — ) so . Your Italian , and Spaniard , are wise in these ! and it is a frugall , and comely grauitie . How long will it bee , ere Cutberd come ? stay , if an houre , hold vp your whole hand ; if halfe an houre , two fingers ; if a quarter , one ; ( — ) good : halfe a quarter ? 't is well . And haue you giuen him a Key , to come in without knocking ? ( — ) good . And , is the Lock oyld , and the Hinges , to day ? ( — ) good . And the Quilting of the stayres no where worne out , and bare ( — ) very good . I see , by much doctrine , and impulsion , it may be effected : stand by . The Turke , in this diuine discipline , is admirable , exceeding all the Potentates of the Earth ; still waited on by Mutes ; and all his Commands so executed ; yea , euen in the Warre ( as I haue heard ) and in his Marches , most of his Charges , and directions , giuen by Signes , and with silence : and exquisite art ! and I am heartily asham'd , and angry oftentimes , that the Princes of Christendome , should suffer a Barbarian , to transcend 'hem in so high a point of felicitie . I will practize it , hereafter . How now ? oh ! oh ! what Villaine ? what Prodigie of Mankinde is that ? looke . Oh! One winds a Horne without . Againe . cut his throat , cut his throat : what Murderer , Hell-hound , Deuill can this be ?

Mut.

It is a Post from the Court —

Mor.

Out Rogue , and must thou blow thy Horne , too ?

Mut.

Alas , it is a Post from the Court , Sir , that sayes , hee must speake with you , paine of death —

Mor.

Paine of thy life , be silent .

Act II. Scene II. True-wit , Morose , Cutherd .

BY your leaue , Sir ( I am a stranger here ) is your name , Master Morose ? is your name , Master Morose ? Fishes ! Pythagoreans all ! this is strange ! What say you , Sir , nothing ? Has Harpocrates been here , with his Club , among you ? well Sir , I will beleeue you to be the man , at this time : I will venter vpon you , Sir . Your friends at Court commend 'hem to you , Sir —

( Mor. O men ! O manners ! was there euer such an impudence ? ) Tru.

And are extremely sollicitous for you , Sir .

Mor.

Whose Knaue are you !

Tru.

Mine owne Knaue , and your Compere , Sir .

Mor.

Fetch me my Sword —

Tru.

You shall taste the one halfe of my Dagger , if you do ( Groome ) and you , the other , if you stirre , Sir : be patient , I charge you , in the Kings Name , and heare me without insurrection . They say , you are to marrie ? to marry ! doe you marke , Sir ?

Mor.

How then , rude companion !

Tru.

Marry , your friends doe wonder , Sir , the Thames being so neere , wherein you may drowne so handsomely ; or London-bridge , at a low fall , with a fine leape , to hurry you downe the streame ; or , such a delicate Steeple , i' the Towne , as Bow , to vault from ; or , a brauer height , as Pauls , or , if you affected to doe it neerer home , and a shorter way , an excellent Garret Windore , into the street ; or , a Beame , in the said Garret , with this Halter ; which they haue sent , and desire , Hee shewes him a halter that you would sooner commit your graue head to this knot , then to the Wed-locke nooze ; or , take a little Sublimate , and goe out of the World , like a Rat ; or a Flye ( as one said ) with a Straw i' your Arse : any way , rather , then to follow this Goblin Matrimonie . Alas , Sir , doe you euer thinke to find a chaste Wife , in these times ? now ? when there are so many Masques , Playes , Puritane Preachings , Mad-folkes , and other strange fights to be seene daily , priuate and publique ? if you had liu'd in King Etheldred's time , Sir , or Edward the Confessors , you might , perhaps haue found in some cold Countrey-Hamlet , then , a dull frostrie Wench , would haue beene contented with one man : now , they will as soone be pleas'd with one legge , or one eye . I 'll tell you , Sir , the monstrous hazards you shall runne with a Wife .

Mor.

Good Sir ! haue I euer cosen'd any friends of yours of their Land ? bought their Possessions ? taken forfeit of their Morgage ? begg'd a Reuersion from 'hem ? bastarded their Issue ? what haue I done , that may deserue this ?

Tru.

Nothing , Sir , that I know , but your itch of Marriage .

Mor.

Why ? if I had made an Assassinate vpon your Father ; vitiated your Mother ; rauished your Sisters —

Tru.

I would kill you , Sir , I would kill you , if you had .

Mor.

Why ? you doe more in this , Sir : It were a vengeance centuple , for all facinorous Acts , that could be nam'd , to doe that you doe —

Tru.

Alas , Sir , I am but a Messenger : I but tell you , what you must heare . It seemes , your friends are carefull after your soules health , Sir , and would haue you know the danger ( but you may doe your pleasure , for all them , I perswade not , Sir ) If , after you are marryed , your Wife doe run away with a Vaulter , or the Frenchman that walkes vpon Ropes , or him that daunces the Ijg , or a Fencer for his skill at his Weapon , why it is not their fault ; they haue discharged their consciences : when you know what may happen . Nay , suffer valiantly , Sir , for I must tell you , all the perils that you are obnoxious too . If shee be faire , and young , vegetous , no Sweet-meates euer drew more Flyes ; all the Yellow Doublets , and great Roses i' the Towne will bee there . If foule , and crooked , shee 'll bee with them , and buy those Doublets and Roses , Sir . If rich , and that you marry her Dowry , not her ; shee 'll raigne in your House , as imperious as a Widow . If Noble , all her Kindred will be your Tyrannes . If fruitfull , as proud as May , and humorous as April ; she must haue her Doctors , her Mid-wiues , her Nurses , her longings euerie houre : though it be for the dearest morsell of man . If learned , there was neuer such a Parrat ; all your Patrimonie will be too little for the Guests , that must be inuited , to heare her speake Latine and Greeke : and you must lye with her in those Languages too , if you will please her . If precise , you must feast all the silenc'd Brethren , once in three dayes ; salute the Sisters ; entertayne the whole Family , or Wood of 'hem ; and heare long-winded Exercises , Singings , and Catechisings , which you are not giuen to , and yet must giue for : to please the zealous Matron your Wife , who , for the holy cause , will cosen you , ouer and aboue . You begin to sweat , Sir ? but this is not halfe , i'faith : you may doe your pleasure notwithstanding , The Mute is stealing away . as I said before , I come not to perswade you . Vpon my faith , Master Seruingman , if you doe stirre , I will beate you .

Mor.

O , what is my sinne ! what is my sinne ?

Tru.

Then , if you loue your Wife , or rather , dote on her , Sir : O , how shee 'll torture you ! and take pleasure i' your torments ! you shall lye with her but when shee lists ; shee will not hurt her beauty , her complexion : or it must bee for that Iewell , or that Pearle , when shee do's ; euery halfe houres pleasure must be bought anew : and with the same paine , and charge , you woo'd her at first . Then , you must keepe what Seruants she please ; what company shee will ; that friend must not visit you without her licence ; and him shee loues most shee will seeme to hate eagerliest , to decline your iealousie ; or , faigne to bee iealous of you first ; and for that cause goe liue with her she-friend , or Cosen at the Colledge , that can instruct her in all the Mysteries , of writing Letters , corrupting Seruants , taming Spyes ; where shee must haue that rich Gowne for such a great day ; a new one for the next ; a richer for the third ; be seru'd in siluer ; haue the Chamber fill'd with a succession of Groomes , Foot-men , Vshers , and other Messengers ; besides Embroyderers , Iewellers , Tyre-women , Sempsters , Fether-men , Perfumers ; while she feeles not how the Land drops away ; nor the Acres melt ; nor foresees the change , when the Mercer has your Woods for her Veluets ; neuer weighes what her Pride costs , Sir : so she may kisse a Page , or a smooth chinne , that has the despayre of a Beard ; be a States-woman , know all the Newes , what was done at Salisbury , what at the Bath , what at Court , what in Progresse ; or , so shee may censure Poets , and Authors , and stiles , and compare 'hem , Daniel with Spenser , Iohnson with the tother youth , and so foorth ; or , be thought cunning in Controuersies , or the very knots of Diuinitie ; and haue , often in her mouth , the state of the question : and then skip to the Mathematiques , and demonstration and answere , in Religion to one ; in state , to another , in baud'ry to a third .

Mor.

O , ô !

Tru.

All this is very true , Sir . And then her going in disguise to that Coniurer , and this cunning woman : where the first question is , how soone you shall die ? next , if her present Seruant loue her ? next that , if she shall haue a new Seruant ? and how many ? which of her Family would make the best Baud , Male , or Female ? what precedence she shall haue by her next match ? and sets downe the answeres , and beleeues 'hem aboue the Scriptures . Nay , perhaps shee 'll study the Art .

Mor.

Gentle Sir , ha' you done ? ha' you had your pleasure o' me ? I 'll thinke of these things .

Tru.

Yes Sir : and then comes reeking home of vapor and sweat , with going afoot , and lyes in , a moneth , of a new face , all Oyle , and Bird-lime ; and rises in Asses Milke , & is clens'd with a new fucus : God b'w'you , Sir . One thing more ( which I had almost forgot . ) This too , with whom you are to marry , may haue made a conuayance of her Virginitie afore-hand , as your wise Widdowes doe of their states , before they marry , in trust to some friend , Sir : who can tell ? or if she haue not done it yet , she may doe , vpon the Wedding day , or the night before , and antidate you Cuckold . The like has bin heard of , in nature . 'T is no deuis'd impossible thing , Sir . God b'w'you : I 'll be bold to leaue this Rope with you , Sir , for a remembrance . Farewell Mute .

Mor.

The Horne againe Come , ha' mee to my Chamber : but first shut the doore . O , shut the doore , shut the doore : Is he come again ?

Cut.

'T is I , Sir , your Barber .

Mor.

O Cutberd , Cutberd , Cutberd ! here has beene a cut-throate with me : helpe me in to my bed , and giue me Physick with thy counsell .

Act II. Scene III . Daw , Clerimont , Dauphine , Epicoene .

NAy , and she will , let her refuse , at her owne charges : 't is nothing to me , Gentlemen . But she will not be inuited to the like Feasts , or Guests , euery day .

Cle.

They disswade her , priuately . O , by no meanes , shee may not refuse — to stay at home , if you loue your reputation : 'Slight , you are inuited thither o' purpose to bee seene , and laught at by the Lady of the Colledge , and her shadowes . This Trumpeter hath proclym'd you .

Daup.

You shall not goe ; let him bee laught at in your stead , for not bringing you : and put him to his extemporall facultie of fooling , and talking loud to satisfie the company .

Cle.

He will suspect vs , talke aloud . 'Pray , Mistris Epicoene , let 's see your Verses ; wee haue Sir Iohn Daw's leaue : doe not conceale your Seruants merit , and your owne glories .

Epi.

They 'll prooue my Seruants glories , if you haue his leaue so soone .

Daup.

His vaine glories , Ladie !

Daw .

Shew 'hem , shew 'hem , Mistris , I dare owne 'hem .

Epi.

Iudge you , what glories ?

Daw .

Nay , I 'll reade 'hem my selfe , too : an Author must recite his owne Worke . It is a Madrigall of Modestie .

Modest , and faire , for faire and good are neere Neighbours , how ere . — Daup.

Very good .

Cle.

I , Is 't not ?

Daw . No noble vertue euer was alone , But two in one . Daup.

Excellent !

Cle.

That againe , I pray' Sir Iohn .

Daup.

It has some thing in 't like rare wit , and sense .

Cle.

Peace .

Daw . No noble vertue euer was alone , But two in one . Then , when I prayse sweet Modestie , I prayse Bright Beauties rayes : And hauing prays'd both Beauty and Modestee , I haue prays'd thee . Daup.

Admirable !

Cle.

How it chimes , and cryes tinke i' the close , diuinely !

Daup.

I , 't is Seneca .

Cle.

No , I thinke 't is Plutarch .

Daw .

The dor on Plutarch , and Seneca , I hate it : they are mine owne imaginations , by that light . I wonder those fellowes haue such credit with Gentlemen !

Cle.

They are very graue Authors .

Daw .

Graue Asses ! meere Essaists ! a few loose Sentences , and that 's all . A man would talke so , his whole age , I doe vtter as good things euery houre , if they were collected , and obseru'd , as either of 'hem .

Daup.

Indeed ! Sir Iohn ?

Cle.

Hee must needes , liuing among the Wits , and Braueries too .

Daup.

I , and being President of 'hem , as he is .

Daw .

There 's Aristotle , a mere common place-fellow ; Plato , a Discourser ; Thucidides , and Liuic , tedious and drie ; Tacitus , an entyre knot : sometimes worth the vntying , very seldome .

Cle.

What doe you thinke of the Poets , Sir Iohn ?

Daw .

Not worthy to be nam'd for Authors . Homer , an old tedious prolixe Asse , talkes of Curriers , and Chines of Beefe . Virgil , of dunging of Land , and Bees . Horace , of I know not what .

Cle.

I thinke so .

Daw .

And so Pindarus , Lycophron , Anacreon , Catullus , Seneca the Tragoedian , Lucan , Propertius , Tibullus , Martiall , Iuuenal , Ausonius , Statius , Politian , Valerius Flaccus , and the rest —

Cle.

What a sacke-full of their names he has got !

Daup.

And how he powres 'hem out ! Politian , with Valerius Flaccus !

Cle.

Was not the Character right , of him ?

Daup.

As could be made , i'faith .

Daw .

And Persius , a crabbed Cockescombe , not to bee endur'd .

Daup.

Why ? whom doe you account for Authors , Sir Iohn Daw ?

Daw .

Syntagma Iuris Ciuilis , Corpus Iuris Ciuilis , Corpus Iuris Canonici , the King of Spaines Bible .

Daup.

Is the King of Spaines Bible an Author ?

Cle.

Yes , and Syntagma .

Daup.

What was that Syntagma , Sir ?

Daw .

A Ciuill Lawier , a Spaniard .

Daup.

Sure , Corpus was a Dutch-man .

Cle.

I , both the Corpusses , I knew 'hem : they were verie corpulent Authors .

Daw .

And , then there 's Vatablus , Pomponatius , Symancha , the other are not to bee receiu'd , within the thought of a Scholler .

Daup.

Fore God , you haue a simple learn'd Seruant , Ladie , in Titles .

Cle.

I wonder that hee is not called to the Helme , and made a Councellor !

Daup.

He is one extraordinary .

Cle.

Nay , but in Ordinarie ! to say truth , the State wants such .

Daup.

Why , that will follow .

Cle.

I muse , a Mistris can bee so silent to the dotes of such a Seruant .

Daw .

'T is her Vertue , Sir . I haue written somewhat of her silence too .

Daup.

In Verse , Sir Iohn ?

Cle.

What else ?

Daup.

Why ? how can you iustifie your owne being of a Poet , that so slight all the old Poets ?

Daw .

Why ? euery man , that writes in Verse , is not a Poet ; you haue of the Wits , that write Verses , and yet are no Poets : they are Poets that liue by it , the poore fellowes that liue by it .

Daup.

Why ? would not you liue by your Verses , Sir Iohn ?

Cle.

No , 't were pittie he should . A Knight liue by his Verses ? he did not make 'hem to that end , I hope .

Daup.

And yet the noble Sidney liues by his , and the Noble Family not asham'd .

Cle.

I , he profest himselfe ; but Sir Iohn Daw has more caution : hee 'll not hinder his owne rising i' the state so much ! doe you thinke he will ? Your Verses , good Sir Iohn , and no Poems .

Daw . Silence in woman , is like speech in man , Deny 't who can . Daup.

Not I , beleeue it : your reason , Sir .

Daup. Nor i' st a Tale , That Female Vice should be a Vertue Male , Or Masculine Vice , a Female Vertue be : You shall it see Prou'd with increase , I know to speake , and she to hold her peace .

Doe you conceiue me Gentlemen ?

Daup.

No faith , how meane you with increase , Sir Iohn ?

Daw .

Why , with increase is , when I court her for the common cause of Mankind ; and she sayes nothing , but consentire videtur : and in time is grauida .

Daup.

Then , this is a Ballad of Procreation ?

Cle.

A Madrigall of Procreation , you mistake .

Epi.

'Pray giue me my Verses againe , Seruant .

Daw .

If you you 'll aske 'hem aloud , you shall .

Cle.

See , here 's Tru-wit againe !

Act II. Scene IIII . Clerimont , Tru-wit , Dauphine , Cutherd , Daw , Epicoene .

WHere hast thou beene , in the name of madnesse ! thus accoutred with thy Horne ?

Tru.

Where the sound of it might haue pierc'd your senses , with gladnesse , had you beene in eare-reach of it . Dauphine , fall downe and worship me : I haue forbid the Banes , Lad . I haue beene with thy vertuous Vncle , and haue broke the match .

Daup.

You ha'not , I hope .

Tru.

Yes faith ; and thou shouldst hope otherwise , I should repent me : this Horne got mee entrance , kisse it . I had no other way to get in , but by fayning to be a Post ; but when I got in once , I prou'd none , but rather the contrary , turn'd him into a Post , or a Stone , or what is stiffer , with thundring into him the incommodities of a Wife , and the miseries of Marriage . If euer Gorgon were seene in the shape of a woman , he hath seene her in my description . I haue put him off o' that sent , for euer . Why doe you not applaud , and adore me , Sirs ? why stand you mute ? Are you stupid ? you are not worthy o' the benefit .

Daup.

Did not I tell you ? mischiefe ! —

Cle.

I would you had plac'd this benefit somewhere else .

Tru.

Why so ?

Cle.

Slight you haue done the most inconsiderate , rash , weake thing , that euer man did to his friend .

Daup.

Friend ! if the most malicious enemy I haue , had studied to inflict an iniury vpon mee , it could not bee a greater .

Tru.

Wherein ? for gods sake ! Gent , come to your selues againe .

Daup.

But I presag'd thus much afore , to you .

Cle.

Would my lips had beene soldred , when I spake on 't . Slight , what mou'd you to be thus impertinent ?

Tru.

My Masters , doe not put on this strange face to pay my courtesie : off with this Visor . Haue good turnes done you and thanke 'hem this way ?

Daup.

Fore Heau'n , you haue vndone me . That , which I haue plotted for , and beene maturing now these foure Moneths , you haue blasted in a minute : now I am lost , I may speake . This Gentlewoman was lodg'd here by mee o' purpose , and , to be put vpon my Vncle , hath profest this obstinate silence for my sake , being my entyre friend ; and one , that for the requitall of such a fortune , as to marry him , would haue made me very ample conditions : where now , all my hopes are vtterly miscarryed by this vnlucky accident .

Cle.

Thus 't is , when a man will be ignorantly officious ; doe seruices , and not know his why : I wonder what curteous itch possess'd you ! you neuer did absurder part i' your life , nor a greater trespasse to friendship , to humanitie .

Daup.

Faith , you may forgiue it , best : 't was your cause principally .

Cle.

I know it , would it had not .

Daup.

How now , Cutberd ? what newes ?

Cut.

The best , the happiest that euer was , Sir . There has beene a mad Gentleman with your Vncle , this morning , ( I thinke this be the Gentleman ) that has almost talk'd him out of his wits , with threatning him from Marriage —

Daup.

On , I pray thee .

Cut.

And your Vncle , Sir , he thinkes 't was done by your procurement ; therefore he will see the partie , you wot of , presently : and if hee like her , hee sayes , and that shee be so inclining to dombe , as I haue told him , he sweares , hee will marry her , to day , instantly , and not deferre it a minute longer .

Daup.

Excellent ! beyond our expectation !

Tru.

Beyond your expectation ? by this light , I knew , it would be thus .

Daup.

Nay , sweet Tru-wit , forgiue me .

Tru.

No , I was ignorantly officious , impertinent : this was the absurd , weake part .

Cle.

Wilt thou ascribe that to merit , now , was meere fortune ?

Tru.

Fortune ? meere Prouidence . Fortune had not a finger in 't . I saw it must necessarily in nature fall out so : my genius is neuer false to me in these things . Shew mee , how it could be otherwise .

Daup.

Nay , Gentlemen , contend not , t is well now .

Tru.

Alasse , I let him goe on with inconsiderate , and rash , and what he pleas'd .

Cle.

Away thou strange iustifier of thy selfe , to bee wiser then thou wert , by the euent .

Tru.

Euent ! By this light , thou shalt neuer perswade me , but I fore-saw it , aswell as the Starres themselues .

Daup.

Nay , Gentlemen , 't is well now doe you two entertaine Sir Iohn Daw , with discourse , while I send her away with instructions .

Tru.

I 'll be acquainted with her , first , by your favour .

Cle.

Master Tru-wit , Lady , a friend of ours .

Tru.

I am sorry , I haue not knowne you sooner , Lady , to celebrate this rare vertue of your silence .

Cle.

Faith , an' you had come sooner , you should ha' seene , and heard her well celebrated in Sir Iohn Daw's Madrigalls .

Tru.

Iacke Daw , God saue you , when saw you La-Foole ?

Daw .

Not since last night , Master Tru-wit .

Tru.

That 's Miracle ! I thought you two had beene inseparable .

Daw .

He 's gone to inuite his Guests .

Tru.

Gods so ! tls true ! what a false memory haue I towards that man ! I am one : I met him e'ne now , vpon that he calls his delicate fine blacke Horse , rid into a foame , with posting from place to place , and person to person , to giue hem the cue —

Cle.

lest they should forget ?

Tru.

Yes : there was neuer poore Captaine tooke more paines at a Muster to show men , then hee , at this meale , to shew friends .

Daw .

It is his Quarter-feast , Sir .

Cle.

What! doe you say so , Sir Iohn ?

Tru.

Nay , Iacke Daw will not be out , at the best friends he has , to the Talent of his wit : where 's his Mistris , to heare and applaud him ? is she gone !

Daw .

Is Mistris Epicoene gone ?

Cle.

Gone afore , with Sir Dauphine , I warrant to the place .

Tru.

Gone afore ! that were a manifest iniurie ; a disgrace and a halfe : to refuse him at such a Festiuall time , as this , being a Brauery , and a Wit too .

Cle.

Tut , hee 'll swallow it like Creame : hee 's better read in Iure Ciuili , then to esteeme any thing a disgrace is offer'd him from a Mistris .

Daw .

Nay , let her eene goe ; shee shall sit alone , and bee dumbe in her Chamber , a Weeke together , for Iohn Daw , I warrant her : do's she refuse me ?

Cle.

No , Sir , doe not take it so to heart : shee do's not refuse you , but a little neglect you . Good faith , Tru-wit , you were too blame to put it into his head , that shee do's refuse him .

Tru.

Shee do's refuse him , Sir , palpably : how euer you mince it . An' I were as he , I would sweare to speake ne're a word to her , to day , for 't .

Daw .

By this light , no more I will not .

Tru.

Nor to any body else , Sir .

Daw .

Nay , I will not say so , Gentlemen .

Cle.

It had beene an excellent happy condition for the company , if you could haue drawne him to it .

Daw .

I 'll be very melancholique , i'faith .

Cle.

As a Dogge , if I were as you , Sir Iohn .

Tru.

Or a Snaile , or a Hog-louse : I would roule my selfe vp for this day , introth , they should not vnwind mee .

Daw .

By this Pick-tooth , so I will .

Cle.

'T is well done : hee beginnes already to bee angry with his teeth .

Daw .

Will you goe , Gentlemen ?

Cle.

Nay , you must walke alone , if you bee right melancholique , Sir Iohn .

Tru.

Yes Sir , wee 'll dogge you , wee 'll follow you a farre off .

Cle.

Was there euer such a two yards of Knight-hood , measur'd out by Time , to be sold to laughter ?

Tru.

A meere talking Mole ! no Mushrome was euer so fresh . A fellow so vtterly nothing , as he knowes not what he would be .

Cle.

Let 's follow him : but first , let 's goe to Dauphine , hee 's houering about the House , to heare what newes .

Tru.

Content .

Act II. Scene V. Morose , Epicoene , Cutberd , Mute .

WElcome Cutberd ; draw neer with your faire charge : and , in her eare , softly intreat her to vnmasque ( — ) So . Is the doore shut ? ( — ) inough . Now , Cutberd , with the same discipline I vse to my Family , I will question you . As I conceiue , Cutberd , this Gentlewoman is shee , you haue prouided , and brought , in hope shee will fit mee in the place and person of a Wise ? Answere mee not , but with your legge , vnlesse it bee otherwise : ( — ) very well done , Cutberd . I conceiue , besides , Cutberd , you haue beene pre-acquainted with her birth , education , and qualities , or else you would not preferre her to my acceptance , in the waighty consequence of Marriage . ( — ) this I conceiue , Cutberd . Answer me not but with your legge , vnlesse it be otherwise . ( — ) Very well done Cutberd . Giue aside now a little , He goes about her , and viewes her . and leaue me to examine her condition , and aptitude to my affection . Shee is exceeding faire , and of a speciall good fauour ; a sweete composition , or harmony of limmes : her temper of beauty has the true height of my bloud . The Knaue hath exceedingly well fitted me without : I will now try her within . Come neere , faire Gentlewoman : let not my behauiour seeme rude , though vnto you , being rare , it may happily appeare strange . ( — ) Nay , Lady , She curtsies . you may speake , though Cutberd , and my man , might not : for , of all sounds , onely , the sweet voyce of a faire Lady has the just length of mine eare . I beseech you , say Lady , out of the first fire of meeting eyes , ( they say ) loue is stricken ; doe you feele any such motion , sodenly shot into you , from any part you see in me ? ha , Lady ? ( — ) Alasse , Lady , these answers by silent curt'sies , from you , are too courtlesse , and simple . Curt'sie . I haue euer had my breeding in Court : and shee that shall be my Wife , must be accomplished with Courtly , and audacious ornaments . Can you speake , Lady ?

Epi.

Iudge you , forsooth . She speakes softly .

Mor.

What say you , Lady ? speake out , I beseech you .

Epi.

Iudge you , forsooth .

Mor.

O' my iudgement , a diuine softnesse ! but can you naturally , Lady , as I enioyne these by doctrine and industry , referre your selfe to the search of my iudgement , and ( not taking pleasure in your tongue , which is a womans chiefest pleasure ) thinke it plausible , to answere mee by silent gestures , so long as my speeches iumpe right , with what you conceiue ? Curt'sie . ( — ) Excellent ! Diuine ! if it were possible , shee should hold out thus ! Peace , Cutherd , thou art made for euer , as thou hast made mee , if this felicity haue lasting : but I will try her further . Deare Lady , I am Courtly , I tell you , and I must haue mine eares banqueted with pleasant , and witty Conferences , pretty Girds , Scoffes , and Dalliance in her , that I meane to choose for my Bed-pheere . The Ladies in Court , thinke it a most desperate impayre to their quicknesse of wit , and good carriage , if they cannot giue occasion for a man to court 'hem ; and , when an amorous Discourse is set on foot , minister as good matter to continue it , as himselfe : and doe you alone so much differ from all them , that , what they ( with so much circumstance ) affect , and toyle for , to seeme learn'd , to seeme iudicious , to seeme sharpe , and conceited , you can bury in your selfe , with silence ? and rather trust your graces to the faire conscience of Vertue , then to the Worlds , or your owne Proclamation ?

Epi.

I should be sorrie else .

Mor.

What say you , Lady ? good Lady , speake out .

Epi.

I should be sorrie , else

Mor.

That sorrow doth fill me with gladnesse ! O Morose ! thou art happie aboue Mankind ! pray that thou mayest contayne thy selfe . I will onely put her to it once more , and it shall be with the vtmost touch , and test of their Sex . But heare me , faire Lady , I doe also loue to see her , whom I shall choose for my Heicfar , to be the first and principall in all Fashions ; praecede all the Dames at Court , by a fortnight ; haue her Counsell of Taylors , Linneners , Lace-women , Embroyderers , and sit with 'hem sometimes twise a day , vpon French Intelligences ; and then come foorth , varyed like Nature , or oftner then shee , and better , by the helpe of Art , her aemulous Seruant . This doe I affect . And how will you bee able , Lady , with this frugalitie of speech , to giue the manifold ( but necessarie ) instructions , for that Bodies , these Sleeues , those Skirts , this Cut , that Stitch , this Embroydery , that Lace , this Wire , those Knots , that Ruffe , those Roses , this Girdle , that Fanne , the tother Skarfe , these Gloues ? ha ! what say you , Ladie .

Epi.

I 'll leaue it to you , Sir .

Mor.

How , Lady ? pray you , rise a note .

Epi.

I leaue it to Wisdome , and you , Sir .

Mor.

Admirable Creature ! I will trouble you no more : I will not sinne against so sweet a simplicity . Let me now be bold to print , on those diuine lips , the seale of being mine . Cutberd , I giue thee the Lease of thy House free : thanke me not , but with thy legge ( — ) I know what thou wouldst say , she 's poore , and her friends deceased ; she has brought a wealthy dowrie in her silence , Cutberd : and in respect of her pouertie , Cutberd , I shall haue her more louing , and obedient , Cutberd . Goe thy wayes , and get me a Minister presently , with a soft , low voyce to marry vs , and pray him he will not be impertinent , but briefe as he can ; away : softly , Cutberd . Sirrah , conduct your Mistris into the dining Roome , your now-Mistris . O my felicity ! how I shall bee reueng'd on mine insolent Kinsman , and his plots to fright mee from marrying ! This night I will get an Heire , and thrust him out of my bloud like a Stranger ; hee would bee knighted , forsooth , and thought by that meanes to raigne ouer mee , his Title must doe it : no Kinsman , I will now make you bring me the tenth Lords , and the sixteenth Ladies Letter , Kinsman ; and it shall doe you no good , Kinsman . Your Knight-hood it selfe shall come on it's knees , and it shall bee reiected ; it shall bee sued for it's fees to execution , and not be redeem'd ; it shall cheat at the twelue-peny Ordinary , it Knight-hood , for it's Dyet all the Terme-time , and tell Tales for it in the Vacation , to the Hostesse : or it Knight-hood shall doe worse ; take Sanctuary in Cole-harbor , and fast . It shall fright all it friends , with borrowing Letters , and when one of the foure-score hath brought it Knight-hood tenne shillings , it Knight-hood shall go to the Cranes , or the Beare at the Bridge-foot , and be drunke in feare : it shall not haue money to discharge one Tauerne reckoning , to inuite the old Creditors , to forbeare it Knight-hood ; or the new , that should bee , to trust it Knight-hood . It shall bee the tenth name in the Bond , to take vp the commodity of Pipkins and stone Iugs ; and the part thereof shall not furnish it Knight-hood forth , for the attempting of a Bakers Widdow , a brown Bakers Widdow . It shall giue it Knight-hoods name , for a stallion , to all gamesome Citizens Wiues , and bee refus'd ; when the Master of a Dauncing Schoole , or ( How doe you call him ) the worst Reueller in the Towne is taken : it shall want Clothes , and by reason of that , wit , to foole to Lawyers . It shall not haue hope to repaire it selfe by Constantinople , Ireland , or Virginia ; but the best , and last fortune to it Knight-hood shall bee , to make Dol Teare-sheet , or Kate-Common , a Lady : and so , it Knight-hood may eate .

Act II. Scene VI. Tru-wit , Dauphine , Clerimont , Cutberd .

ARe you sure he is not gone by ?

Daup.

No , I staid in the shop euer since .

Cle.

But , he may take the other end of the Lane .

Daup.

No , I told him I would be here at this end : I appointed him hether .

Tru.

What a Barbarian it is to stay then !

Daup.

Yonder he comes .

Cle.

And his charge left behinde him , which is a verie good signe , Dauphine .

Daup.

How now Cutberd , succeeds it , or no ?

Cut.

Past imagination , Sir , omnia secunda ; you could not haue pray'd , to haue had it so well : Saltat senex , as it is i' the Prouerbe , hee do's triumph in his felicity ; admires the party ! hee has giuen mee the Lease of my House too ! and , I am now going for a silent Minister to marry 'hem , and away .

Tru.

Slight , get one o' the silenc'd Ministers , a zealous Brother would torment him purely .

Cut.

Cum priuilegio , Sir .

Daup.

O , by no meanes , let 's doe nothing to hinder it now when 't is done and finished , I am for you : for any deuise of vexation .

Cut.

And that shall be within this halfe houre , vpon my dexteritie , Gentlemen . Contriue what you can , in the meane time , bonis auibus .

Cle.

How the Slaue doth Latine it !

Tru.

It would be made a Iest to Posteritie , Sirs , this daies mirth , if ye will .

Cle.

Be shrew his heart that will not , I pronounce .

Daup.

And , for my part . What is 't ?

Tru.

To translate all La-Fooles company , and his Feast hether , to day , to celebrate this Bride-ale .

Daup.

I marry , but how will 't be done ?

Tru.

I 'll vndertake the directing of all the Ladie-Guests thether , and then the meat must follow .

Cle.

For Gods sake , let 's effect it : it will be an excellent Comoedy of affliction , so many seuerall noyses .

Daup.

But are they not at the other place already , thinke you ?

Tru.

I 'll warrant you for the Colledge-honours : one o' their faces has not the priming colour laid on yet , nor the other her Smocke sleek'd .

Cle.

O , but they 'll rise earlier then ordinary , to a Feast .

Tru.

Best goe see , and assure our selues .

Cle.

Who knowes the House ?

Tru.

I 'll lead you , were you neuer there yet ?

Daup.

Not I .

Cle.

Nor I .

Tru.

Where ha' you liu'd then ? not know Tom Otter !

Cle.

No : for Gods sake , what is he ?

Tru.

An excellent Animal , equall with your Daw , or La-Foole , if not transcendent ; and do's Latine it as much as your Barber : he is his Wifes Subiect , hee calls her Princesse , and at such times as these , followes her vp and downe the House like a Page , with his Hat off , partly for heate , partly for reuerence . At this instant , he is marshalling of his Bull , Beare , and Horse .

Daup.

What be those , in the name of Sphinx ?

Tru.

Why Sir ? hee has beene a great man at the Beare-Garden in his time : and from that subtle sport , has tane the witty denomination of his chiefe carousing Cups . One he calls his Bull , another his Beare , another his Horse . And then he has his lesser Glasses , that he calls his Deere , and his Ape ; and seuerall degrees of 'hem too : and neuer is well , nor thinkes any entertaynment perfect , till these be brought out , and set o' the Cupbord .

Cle.

For Gods loue ! wee should misse this , if wee should not goe .

Tru.

Nay , hee has a thousand things as good , that will speake him all day . He will raile on his Wife , with certaine common places , behind her backe ; and to her face —

Daup.

No more of him . Let 's goe see him , I petition you ,

Act III.
Scene I. Otter , Mrs. Otter , Tru-wit , Clerimont , Dauphine .

NAy , good Princesse , heare me pauca verba .

Mrs. Ot.

By that light , I 'll a' you chain'd vp , with your Bul-dogges , and Beare-dogges , if you be not ciuill the sooner . I 'll send you to kennell , i'faith . You were best bait me with your Bull , Beare , and Horse ? Neuer a time , that the Courtiers , or Collegiates come to the House , but you make it a Shrouetuesday ! I would haue you get your Whitsontide-Veluet-Cap , and your staffe i' your hand , to entertaine 'hem : yes in troth , doe .

Ott.

Not so Princesse , neither , but vnder correction , sweet Princesse , gi' me leaue — these things I am knowne to the Courtiers by . It is reported to them for my humour , and they receiue it so , and doe expect it . Tom Otters Bull , Beare , and Horse is knowne all ouer England , in rerum natura .

Mrs. Ot.

Fore me , I will na-ture 'hem ouer to Paris-Garden , and na-ture you thether too , if you pronounce them againe . Is a Beare a fit Beast , or a Bull , to mixe in societie with great Ladies ? thinke i' your discretion , in any good politie .

Ott.

The Horse then , good Princesse .

Mrs. Ot.

Well , I am contented for the Horse : they loue to be well hors'd , I know . I loue it my selfe .

Ott.

And it is a delicate fine Horse . Poetarum Pegasus . Vnder correction , Princesse , Iupiter did turne himselfe into a — Taurus , or Bull , vnder correction , good Princesse .

Mrs. Ot.

By my integritiy , I 'll send you ouer to the Banke-side , I 'll commit you to the Master of the Garden , if I heare but a sillable more . Must my house , or my roofe , bee polluted with the scent of Beares , and Buls , when it is perfum'd for great Ladies ? Is this according to the instrument , when I marryed you ? That I would be Princesse , and raigne in mine owne House : and you would bee my subiect , and obey me ? What did you bring me , should make you thus peremptory ? Doe I allow you your halfe-crowne a day , to spend , where you will , among your Gamesters , to vexe and torment me , at such times as these ? Who giues you your maintenance , I pray you ? who allowes you your Horse-meat , and Mans-meat ? your three Sutes of Apparell a yeere ? your foure paire of Stockings , one Silke , three Worsted ? your cleane Linnen , your Bands , and Cuffes when I can get you to weare 'hem ? 'T is mar'l you ha 'hem on now . Who graces you with Courtiers , or great Personages , to speake to you out of their Coaches , and come home to your House ? Were you euer so much as look'd vpon by a Lord , or a Lady , before I marryed you : but on the Easter , or Whitson-holy-dayes ? and then out at the Banquetting-house windore , when Ned Whiting , or George Stone , were at the stake ?

Tru.

( For Gods sake , let 's goe staue her off him . )

Mrs. Ot.

Answere mee to that . And did not I take you vp from thence , in an olde Greasie Buffe-Doublet , with Points ; and Greene Vellet Sleeues , out at the elbowes ? you forget this .

Tru.

( Shee 'll worry him , if we helpe not in time . )

Mrs. Ot.

O , here are some o' the Gallants ! Goe to , behaue your selfe distinctly , and with good moralitie ; Or , I protest , I 'll take away your exhibition .

Act III. Scene II. Tru-wit , Mrs. Otter , Cap. Otter , Clerimont , Dauphine , Cutberd .

BY your leaue , faire Mistris Otter , I 'll bee bold to enter these Gentlemen in your acquaintance .

Mrs. Ot.

It shall not be obnoxious , or difficill , Sir .

Tru.

How do's my noble Captaine ? Is the Bull , Beare , and Horse , in rerum natura still ?

Ott.

Sir . Sic visum superis .

Mrs. Ott.

I would you would but intimate 'hem , doe . Goe your wayes in , and get Tosts , and Butter , made for the Wood-cocks . That 's a fit Prouince for you .

Cle.

Alas , what a tyrannie , is this poore fellow marryed too .

Tru.

O , but the sport will be anon , when wee get him loose .

Daup.

Dares be euer speake ?

Tru.

No Anabaptist euer rail'd with the like licence : but marke her Language in the meane-time , I beseech you .

Mrs. Ot.

Gentlemen , you are very aptly come . My Cosin , Sir Amorous , will be here briefly .

Tru.

In good time , Lady . Was not Sir Iohn Daw here , to aske for him , and the company ?

Mrs. Ot.

I cannot assure you , Mr. Tru-wit . Here was a very melancholy Knight in a Ruffe , that demanded my subiect for some body , a Gentleman , I thinke .

Cle.

I , that was he , Lady .

Mrs. Ot.

But he departed straight , I can resolue you .

Daup.

What an excellent choice phrase , this Lady expresses in ?

Tru.

O , Sir ! she is the onely authenticall Courtier , that is not naturally bred one , in the Citie .

Mrs. Ot.

You haue taken that report vpon trust , Gentlemen .

Tru.

No , I assure you , the Court gouernes it so , Lady , in your behalfe .

Mrs. Ot.

I am the Seruant of the Court , and Courtiers , Sir .

Tru.

They are rather your Idolaters .

Mrs Ot.

Not so , Sir .

Daup.

How now , Cutberd ? Any crosse ?

and indeed , so ashamed of her iniurie to you , that shee desires you to forgiue her , and but grace her Wedding with your presence to day — She is to be marryed to a very good fortune , shee sayes , his Vncle , old Morose : and shee will'd mee in priuate to tell you , that shee shall be able to doe you more fauours , and with more securitie now , then before .

Daw .

Did she say so , i'faith ?

Cle.

Why , what doe you thinke of mee , Sir Iohn ! aske Sir Dauphine .

Daup.

Nay , I beleeue you . Good Sir Dauphine , did shee desire me to forgiue her ?

Cle.

I assure you , Sir Iohn , she did .

Daw .

Nay then , I doe with all my heart , and I 'll bee iouiall .

Cle.

Yes , for looke you Sir , this was the iniurie to you . La-Foole intended this Feast to honour her Bridale day , and made you the propertie to inuite the Colledge Ladies , and promise to bring her : and then at the time , shee should haue appear'd ( as his friend ) to haue giuen you the dor . Whereas now , Sir Dauphine has brought her to a feeling of it , with this kind of satisfaction , that you shall bring all the Ladies to the place where she is , and be very iouiall ; and there shee will haue a Dinner , which shall be in your name : and so disappoint La-Foole , to make you good againe , and ( as it were ) a sauer i' the man .

Daw .

As I am a Knight , I honour her , and forgiue her heartily .

Cle.

About it then presently , Tru-wit is gone before to confront the Coaches , and to acquaint you with so much , if he meet you . Ioyne with him , and 't is well . See , heere comes your Antagonist , but take you no notice , but be verie iouiall .

La-F.

Are the Ladies come , Sir Iohn Daw , and your Mistris ? Sir Dauphine ! you are exceeding welcome , and honest Master Clerimont . Where 's my Cossen ? did you see no Collegiats , Gentlemen ?

Daup.

Collegiats ! Doe you not heare , Sir Amorous , how you are abus'd ?

La-F.

How Sir !

Cle.

Will you speake so kindly to Sir Iohn Daw , that has done you such an affront ?

La-F.

Wherein Gentlemen ? let mee be a Sutor to you to know , I beseech you !

Cle.

Why Sir , his Mistris is marryed to day , to Sir Dauphines Vncle , your Cosens Neighbour , and hee has diuerted all the Ladies , and all your company thether , to frustrate your prouision , and sticke a disgrace vpon you . He was here , now , to haue intic'd vs away from you too : but wee told him his owne , I thinke .

La-F.

Has Sir Iohn Daw wrong'd mee so in-humanely ?

Daw .

Hee has done it , Sir Amorous , most maliciously , and trecherously : but if you 'll be rul'd by vs , you shall quit him i'faith .

La-F.

Good Gentlemen ! I 'll make one , beleeue it . How I pray ?

Daup.

Marry Sir , get mee your Phesants , your Godwits , and your best meate , and dish it in Siluer Dishes of your Cosens presently , and say nothing , but clap me a cleane Towell about you , like a Sewer ; and bare-headed , march afore it with a good confidence ( 't is but ouer the way , hard by ) and wee 'll second you , where you shall set o' the Boord , and bid 'hem welcome to 't , which shall show 't is yours , and disgrace his preparation vtterly : and , for your Cosen , whereas shee should be troubled here at home with care of making and giuing welcome , she shall transferre all that labour thether , and be a principall guest her selfe , sit rank'd with the Colledge-Honors , and bee honor'd , and haue her Health drunke as often , as bare , and as lowd as the best of 'hem .

La-F.

I 'll goe tell her presently . It shall bee done , that 's resolu'd .

Cle.

I thought hee would not heare it out , but 't would take him .

Daup.

Well , there bee Guests , and meat now ; how shall we doe for Musique ?

Cle.

The smell of the Venison , going through the Street , will inuite one noyse of Fidlers , or other .

Daup.

I would it would call the Trumpeters thether .

Cle.

Faith , there is hope , they haue intelligence of all Feasts . There 's good correspondence betwixt them , and the London-Cookes . 'T is twenty to one but we haue 'hem .

Daup.

'T will be a most solemne day for my Vncle , and an excellent fit of mirth for vs .

Cle.

I , if we can hold vp the aemulation betwixt Foole and Daw , and neuer bring them to expostulate .

Daup.

Tut , flatter 'hem both ( as Tru-wit sayes ) and you may take their vnderstandings in a Purse-net . They 'll beleeue themselues to be iust such men as we make 'hem , neither more nor lesse . They haue nothing , not the vse of their senses , but by tradition .

Cle.

See! Sir Amorous has his Towell on already . He enters like a Sewer Haue you perswaded your Cossen ?

La-F.

Yes , 't is very faesible : shee 'll doe any thing , shee sayes , rather then the La-Fooles shall be disgrac'd .

Daup.

She is a Noble Kinswoman . It will be such a pest'-ling deuice , Sir Amorous ! It will pound all your enemies practises to poulder , and blow him vp with his owne mine , his owne traine .

La-F.

Nay , wee 'll giue fire , I warrant you .

Cle.

But you must carry it priuately , without any noyse , and take no notice by any meanes —

Ott.

Gentlemen , my Princesse sayes , you shall haue all her Siluer Dishes , festinate : and she 's gone to alter her Tyre a little , and goe with you —

Cle.

And your selfe too , Captaine Otter .

Daup.

By any meanes , Sir .

Ott.

Yes Sir , I doe meane it : but I would entreate my Cosen Sir Amorous , and you Gentlemen , to be Sutors to my Princesse , that I may carry my Bull , and my Beare , as well as my Horse .

Cle.

That you shall doe , Captaine Otter .

La-F.

My Cosen will neuer consent , Gentlemen .

Daup.

She must consent , Sir Amorous , to reason .

La-F.

Why , she sayes they are no decorum among Ladies .

Ott.

But they are decora , and that 's better , Sir .

Cle.

I , shee must heare argument . Did not Pasiphae , who was a Queene , loue a Bull ? and was not Calisto , the Mother of Arcas , turn'd into a Beare , and made a Starre , Mistris Ursula , i' the Heauens ?

Ott.

O God! that I could ha' said as much ! I will haue these Stories painted i' the Beare-garden , Ex Ouidij Metamorphosi .

Daup.

Where is your Princesse , Captaine ? pray' be our Leader .

Ott.

That I shall , Sir .

Cle.

Make haste , good Sir Amorous .

Act III. Scene IIII . Morose , Epicaene , Parson , Cutberd .

SIr , there 's an Angell for your selfe , and a brace of Angels for your cold . Muse not at this mannage of my bounty , It is fit , we should thanke Fortune , double to Nature , for any benefit she conferres vpon vs ; besides , it is your imperfection , but my solace . The Parson speakes , as hauing a cold .

Par.

I thanke your Worship , so is it mine , now .

Mor.

What sayes he , Cutberd ?

Cut.

Hee sayes , Praesto , Sir , whensoeuer your Worship needs him , he can be readie with the like . Hee got this cold with sitting vp late , & singing Catches with Cloth-workers .

Mor.

No more . I thanke him .

Par.

God keepe your Worship , and giue you much ioy with your faire Spouse . He coughes . ( Vmh , vmb . )

Mor.

O , ô , stay Cutberd ! let him giue me fiue shillings of my money back . As it is bounty to reward benefits , so is it equity to mulct iniuries . I will haue it . What sayes he ?

Cut.

He cannot change it , Sir

Mor.

It must be chang'd .

Cut.

Cough againe .

Mor.

What sayes he ?

Cut.

He will cough out the rest , Sir .

Par.

( Vmh , Againe . vmh , vmh . )

Mor.

Away , away with him , stop his mouth , away , I forgiue it . —

Epi.

Fye , Master Morose , that you will vse this violence to a man of the Church .

Mor.

How !

Epi.

It do's not become your grauitie , or breeding , ( as you pretend in Court ) to haue offer'd this out-rage on a water-man , or any more boystrous creature , much lesse on a man of his ciuill Coat .

Mor.

You can speake then !

Epi.

Yes , Sir .

Mor.

Speake out I meane .

Epi.

I Sir . Why , did you thinke you had marryed a Statue ? or a Motion , onely ? one of the French Puppets , with the eyes turn'd with a Wire ? or some innocent out of the Hospitall that would stand with her hands thus , and a playse mouth , and looke vpon you .

Mar.

O immodestie ! a manifest woman ! what Cutberd ?

Epi.

Nay , neuer quarrell with Cutberd , Sir , it is too late now . I confesse , it doth bate somewhat of the modestie I had , when I writ simply Maide : but I hope , I shall make it a stocke still competent , to the estate , and dignitie of your Wife .

Mor.

She can talke !

Epi.

Yes indeed , Sir .

Mor.

What , Sirrah . None of my Knaues there ? where is this Impostor , Cutberd ?

Epi.

Speake to him , fellow , speake to him , I 'll haue none of this coacted , vnnaturall dumbnesse in my house , in a Family where I gouerne .

Mor.

She is my Regent already ! I haue marryed a Penthesilea , a Semiramis , sold my liberty to a Distaffe !

Act III. Scene V. Tru-wit , Morose , Epicoene .

VVHere 's Master Morose ?

Mor.

Is he come againe ! Lord haue mercie vpon mee .

Tru.

I wish you all ioy , Mistris Epicoene , with your graue and honourable match .

Epi.

I returne you the thankes , Master Tru-wit , so friendly a wish deserues .

Mor.

She has acquaintance , too !

Tru.

God saue you Sir , and giue you all contentment in your faire choice , here . Before I was the Bird of night to you , the Owle but now I am the Messenger of Peace , a Doue , and bring you the glad wishes of many friends , to the celebration of this good houre .

Mor.

What houre , Sir ?

Tru.

Your Marriage houre Sir . I commend your resolution , that ( notwithstanding all the dangers I laid afore you , in the voice of a Night-Crow ) would yet goe on , and bee your selfe . It shewes you are a man constant to your , owne ends , and vpright to your purposes , that would not bee put off with left-handed cryes .

Mor.

How should you arriue at the knowledge of so much !

Tru.

Why , did you euer hope , Sir committing the secrecie of it to a Barber , that lesse then the whole Towne should know it ? you might as well ha' told it to the Conduit , or the Bake-house , or the Infant'ry that follow the Court , and with more securitie . Could your Grauitie forget so old and noted a remnant , as , lippis & tonsoribus notum , Well Sir , forgiue it your selfe now , the fault , and bee communicable with your friends . Here will bee three or foure fashionable Ladies , from the Colledge to visit you presently , and their trayne of Minions , and Followers .

Mor.

Barre my doores ! barre my doores ! where are all my eaters ? my mouthes now ? baire vp my doores , you Varlets .

Epi.

He is a Varlet , that stirres to such an office . Let 'hem stand open . I would see him that dares mooue his eyes toward it . Shall I haue a Barricado made against my friends , to be barr'd of any pleasure they can bring in to me with honorable visitation .

Mor.

O Amazonian impudence !

Tru.

Nay faith , in this , Sir , shee speakes but reason : and me thinkes is more continent then you . Would you goe to bed so presently , Sir , afore noone ? a man of your head , and haire , should owe more to that reuerend Ceremony , and not mount the Marriage-bed , like a Towne-Bull , or a Mountayne-Goate ; but stay the due season ; and ascend it then with Religion , and feare . Those delights are to bee steep'd in the humor , and silence of the night ; and giue the day to other open pleasures , and iollities of Feast , of Musique , of Reuels , of Discourse : wee 'll haue all , Sir , that may make your Hymen high , and happy .

Mor.

O , my torment , my torment !

Tru.

Nay , if you indure the first halfe houre , Sir , so tediously , and with this irksomnesse ; what comfort , or hope , can this faire Gentlewoman make to her selfe hereafter , in the consideration of so many yeeres as are to come —

Mor.

Of my affliction . Good Sir , depart , and let her doe it alone .

Tru.

I haue done , Sir .

Mor.

That cursed Barber !

Tru.

( Yes faith , a cursed Wretch indeed , Sir . )

Mor.

I haue marryed his Citterne , that 's common to all men . Some plague aboue the plague —

Tru.

( All Egypts ten Plagues )

Mor.

Reuenge me on him .

Tru.

'T is very well , Sir . If you laid on a curse or two , more , I 'll assure you hee 'll beare 'hem . As , that hee may get the Poxe with seeking to cure it , Sir ? Or , that while he is curling another mans haire , his owne may drop off ? Or , for burning some Male-baudes Locke , he may haue his braine beat out with the Curling-Iron ?

Mor.

No , let the Wretch liue wretched . May hee get the Itch , and his Shop so lousie , as no man dare come at him , nor he come at no man .

Tru.

( I , and if he would swallow all his Balles for Pils , let not them purge him )

Mor.

Let his Warming-Pan be euer cold .

Tru.

( A perpetuall Frost vnderneath it , Sir )

Mor.

Let him neuer hope to see fire againe .

Tru.

( But in Hell , Sir )

Mor.

His Chayres bee alwayes empty , his Scissors rust , and his Combes mould in their Cases .

Tru.

Very dreadfull that ! ( And may he loose the inuention , Sir , of caruing Lanternes in Paper )

Mor.

Let there bee no Baud carted that yeere , to employ a Bason of his : but let him be glad to eate his Sponge , for Bread .

Tru.

And drinke lotium to it , and much good doe him .

Mor.

Or , for want of Bread —

Tru.

Eate Eare-Waxe , Sir . I 'll helpe you . Or draw'h is owne Teeth , and adde them to the Lute-string .

Mor.

No , beate the olde ones to poulder , and make Bread of them .

Tru.

( Yes , make meale o' the Milstones . )

Mor.

May all the Botches , and Burnes , that he has cur'd on others , breake out vpon him .

Tru.

And he now forget the cure of 'hem in himselfe , Sir : or , if hee doe remember it , let him ha' scrap'd all his Linnen into Lint for 't , and haue not a ragge left him , to set vp with .

Tru.

That falls out often , Madame , that hee that thinkes himselfe the Master-wit , is the Master-foole . I assure your Ladiship , ye cannot laugh at her .

Hau.

No , wee 'll haue her to the Colledge : and she haue wit , she shall be one of vs . ! shall shee not Centaure ? wee 'll make her a Collegiate .

Cen.

Yes faith , Madame , and Mauis , and shee will set vp a side .

Tru.

Beleeue it Madame , and Mistris Mauis , shee will sustaine her part .

Mau.

I 'll tell you that , when I haue talk'd with her , and try'd her .

Hau.

Use her very ciuilly , Mauis .

Mau.

So I will , Madame .

Mor.

Blessed minute , that they would whisper thus euer .

Tru.

In the the meane time , Madame , would but your Ladiship helpe to vexe him a little : you know his disease , talke to him about the Wedding Ceremonies , or call for your Gloues , or —

Hau.

Let me alone . Centaure , helpe mee . Master Bride-groome , where are you ?

Mor.

O , it was too miraculously good to last !

Hau.

We see no Ensignes of a Wedding , here ; no Character of a Brideale : where be our Skarfes , and our Gloues ? I pray you , giue 'hem vs . Let 's know your Brides Colours , and yours , at least .

Cen.

Alas , Madame , he has prouided none .

Mor.

Had I knowne your Ladiships Painter , I would .

Hau.

He has giuen it you , Centaure , yfaith . But doe you heare Master Morose , a Iest will not absolue you in this manner . You that haue suck'd the Milke of the Court , and from thence haue beene brought vp to the very strong meates , and Wine , of it ; beene a Courtier from the Biggen , to the Night-Cap : ( as wee may say ) and you , to offend in such a high point of Ceremonie , as this and let your Nuptialls want all markes of solemnitie ! How much Plate haue you lost to day ( if you had but regarded your profit ) what gifts , what friends , through your meere Rusticitie ?

Mor.

Madame —

Hau.

Pardon me , Sir , I must insinuate your errors to you . No Gloues ? no Garters ? no Skarfes ? no Epithalamium ? no Masque ?

Daw .

Yes , Madame , I 'll make an Epithalamium , I promis'd my Mistris , I haue begunne it already : will your Ladiship heare it ?

Hau.

I , good Iack Daw .

Mor.

Will it please your Ladiship command a Chamber , and bee priuate with hour friend ? you shall haue your choice of Roomes , to retyre to after : my whole House is yours . I know , it hath beene your ladiships errand , into the Citie , at other times , how euer now you haue beene vnhappily diuerted vpon mee ; but I shall bee loth to breake any honorable custome of your Ladiships . And therefore , good Madame —

Epi.

Come , you are a rude Bride-groome , to entertayne Ladies of honour in this fashion .

Cer.

He is a rude Groome , indeed .

Tru.

By that light , you deserue to grafted , and haue your Hornes reach from one side of the Iland , to the other . Doe not mistake mee , Sir , I but speake this , to giue the Ladies some heart againe , not for any malice to you .

Mor.

Is this your Brauo , Ladies ?

Tru.

As God helpe mee , if you vtter such another word , I 'll take Mistris Bride in and begin to you , in a very sad cup , doe you see ? Goe too , know your friends , and such , as loue you .

Act III. Scene VII. Clerimont , Morose , Tru-wit , Dauphine , La-Foole , Otter , Mrs. Otter , &c.

BY your leaue , Ladies . Doe you want any Musique ? I haue brought you varietie of noyses . Play , Sirs , all of you .

Mor.

Musique of all sorts . O , a plot , a plot , a plot , a plot vpon me ! This day , I shall bee their Anuile to worke on , they will grate mee asunder . 'T is worse then the noyse of a Saw .

Cle.

No , they are Haire , Rosin , and Guts . I can giue you the Receipt .

Tru.

Peace , Boyes .

Cle.

Play , I say .

Tru.

Peace , Rascals . You see who 's your friend now , Sir ? Take courage , put on a Martyrs resolution . Mocke downe all their attemptings , with patience . 'T is but a day , and I would suffer heroically . Should an Asse exceed mee in fortitude ? No . You betray your infirmitie with your hanging dull eares , and make them insult : beare vp brauely , and constantly . Looke you here , Sir , what honour is done you vnexpected , La-Foole passes ouer sewing the meate . by your Nephew ; a Wedding Dinner come , and a Knight Sewer before it , for the more reputation : and fine Mistris Otter , your Neighbour , in the Rump , or Tayle of it .

Mor.

Is that Gorgon , that Medusa come ? Hide mee , hide me .

Tru.

I warrant you , Sir , shee will not transforme you . Looke vpon her with a good courage . Pray you entertayne her , and conduct your Guests in , No ? Mistris Bride , will you entreat in the Ladies ? your Bridegroome is so shame-fac'd , here —

Epi.

Will it please your Ladiship , Madame ?

Hau.

With the benefit of your companie , Mistris .

Epi.

Seruant , pray you performe your duties .

Daw .

And glad to be commanded , Mistris .

Cen.

How like you her wit , Mauis .

Mau.

Very prettily , absolutely well .

Mrs. Ot.

'T is my place .

Mau.

You shall pardon me , Mistris Otter .

Mrs. Ot.

Why , I am a Collegiate .

Mau.

But not in ordinary .

Mrs. Ot.

But I am .

Mau.

Wee 'll dispute that within .

Cle.

Would this had lasted a little longer .

Tru.

And that they had sent for the Heralds . Captayne Otter , what newes ?

Ott.

I haue brought my Bull , Beare , and Horse , in priuate , and yonder are the Trumpetters without , and the Drum , Gentlemen .

Mor.

O , ô , ô. The Drum , and Trumpets sound ,

Ott.

And we will haue a rouse in each of 'hem , anon , for bold Britons , yfaith .

Mor.

Follow , follow , follow .

Act IIII .
Scene I. Tru-wit , Clerimont , Dauphine .

WAs there euer poore Bride-groome so tormented ? or man indeed ?

Cle.

I haue not read of the like , in the Chronicles of the Land .

Tru.

Sure , he cannot but goe to a place of rest , after all this Purgatorie .

Cle.

He may presume it , I thinke .

Tru

The spitting , the coughing , the laughter , the neesing , the farting , dauncing , noyse of the Musique , and her masculine , and lowd commanding , and vrging the whole Family , makes him thinke he has marryed a Furie .

Cle.

And she carries it vp brauely .

Tru.

I , she takes any occasion to speake : that 's the height on 't .

Cle.

And how soberly Dauphine labours to satisfie him , that it was none of his plot !

Tru.

And has almost brought him to the faith , i' the article . Here he comes . Where is he now ? what 's become of him , Dauphine ?

Daup.

O , hold me vp a little , I shall goe away i' the iest else . Hee has got on his whole Nest of Night-caps , and lock'd himselfe vp , i' the top o' the House , as high as euer he can climbe from the noyse . I peep'd in at a cranny , and saw him sitting ouer a crosse-beame o' the roofe , like him o' the Sadlers Horse in Fleetstreet , vp-right : and hee will sleepe there .

Cle.

But where are your Collegiates ?

Daup.

With-drawne with the Bride in priuate .

Tru.

O , they are instructing her i' the Colledge-Grammar . If shee haue grace with them , shee knowes all their secrets instantly .

Cle.

Mee thinkes , the Lady Haughty lookes well to day , for all my disprayse of her i' the morning . I thinke , I shall come about to thee againe , Tru-wit .

Tru.

Beleeue it , I told you right . Women ought to repayre the losses , time and yeeres haue made i' their features , with dressings . And an intelligent Woman , if shee know by her selfe the least defect , will bee most curious , to hide it : and it becomes her . If shee bee short , let her sit much , lest when she stands , she be thought to sit . If she haue an ill foot , let her weare her Gowne the longer , and her Shoo the thinner . If a fat Hand , and scald Nailes , let her carue the lesse , and act in Gloues . If a sowre breath , let her neuer discourse fasting : and alwayes talke at her distance . If she haue black and rugged Teeth , let her offer the lesse at laughter , especially if she laugh wide , and open .

Cle.

O , you shall haue some women , when they laugh , you would thinke they bray'd , it is so rude , and —

Tru.

I , and others , that will stalke i' their gait like an Estrich , and take huge strides . I cannot endure such a sight . I loue measure i' the feet , and number i' the voyce : they are Gentlenesses , that oft-times draw no lesse then the face .

Daup.

How cam'st thou to studie these Creatures so exactly ? I would thou would'st make me a Proficient .

Tru.

Yes , but you must leaue to liue i' your Chamber then a month together vpon Amadis de Gaule , or Don Quixote , as you are wont ; and come abroad where the matter is frequent , to Court , to Tiltings , publique Showes , and Feasts , to Playes , and Church sometimes : thither they come to shew their new Tyres too , to see , and to be seene . In these places a man shall find whome to loue , whome to play with , whome to touch once , whom to hold euer . The varietie arrests his iudgement . A Wench to please a man comes not downe dropping from the seeling , as hee lyes on his backe droning a Tobacco Pipe . He must goe where she is .

Daup.

Yes , and be neuer the neere .

Tru.

Out Heretique . That diffidence makes thee worthy , it should be so .

Cle.

He sayes true to you , Dauphine .

Daup.

Why ?

Tru.

A man should not doubt to ouer come any Woman . Thinke hee can vanquish 'hem , and he shall , for though they denie , their desire is to bee tempted . Penelope her selfe cannot hold out long . Ostend , you saw , was taken at last . You must perseuer , and hold to your purpose . They would sollicite vs , but that they are afraid . Howsoeuer , they wish in their hearts wee should sollicite them . Prayse them , flatter . 'hem , you shall neuer want Eloquence , or trust : euen the chastest delight to feele themselues that way rub'd . With Prayses you must mixe Kisses too . If they take them , they 'll take more . Though they striue , they would bee ouercome .

Cle.

O , but a man must beware of force .

Tru.

It is to them an acceptable violence , and has oft-times the place of the greatest courtesie . Shee that might haue beene forc'd , and you let her goe free without touching though she then seeme to thanke you , will euer hate you after : and glad i' the face , is assuredly sad at the heart .

Cle.

But all women are not to be taken alwayes .

Tru.

'T is true . No more then all Birds , or all Fishes . If you appeare learned to an ignorant Wench , or iocund to a sad , or witty to a foolish , why shee presently beginnes to mistrust herselfe . You must approch them i' their owne height , their owne line : for the contrary makes many that feare to commit themselues to noble and worthy fellowes , runne into the imbraces of a Rascall . If she loue Wit , giue Verses , though you borrow 'hem of a friend , or buy 'hem , to haue good . If Valour , talke of your Sword , and be frequent in the mention of Quarrels , though you be staunch in fighting . If actiuity be seen o' your Barbary often , or leaping ouer stooles , for the credit of your back . If she loue good clothes or dressing haue your learned Counsel about you euery morning , your French Taylor , Barber , Linnener , &c. Let your Poulder , your Glasse , and your Combe , be your dearest acquaintance . Take more care for the ornament of your head , then the safetie : and wish the Common-wealth rather troubled , then a haire about you . That will take her . Then if shee bee couetous and crauing , doe you promise any thing , and performe sparingly : so shall you keepe her in appetite still . Seeme as you would giue , but be like a barren field that yeelds little , or vnlucky Dice , to foolish , and hoping Gamesters . Let your gifts be flight , and daintie , ra her then precious . Let cunning be aboue cost . Giue Cherries at time of yeere , or Apricots ; and say they were sent you out of the Countrey , though you bought 'hem in Cheap-side . Admire her Tyres ; like her in all fashions ; compare her in euery habit to some Deitie ; inuent excellent Dreames to flatter her , and Riddles ; or , if shee bee a great one , performe alwayes the second parts to her : like what she likes , prayse whom shee prayses , and faile not to make the Houshold and Seruants yours , yea the whole Family , and salute 'hem by their names : ( 't is but light cost if you can purchase 'hem so ) and make her Physician your Pensioner , and her chiefe woman . Nor will it bee out of your gaine to make loue to her too , so she follow , not vsher , her Ladies pleasure . All blabbing is taken away , when she comes to be a part of the crime .

Daup.

On what Courtly lap hast thou late slept , to come forth so sudden and absolute a Courtling ?

Tru.

Good faith , I should rather question you , that are so harkening after these Mysteries . I begin to suspect your diligence , Dauphine . Speake , art thou in loue in earnest ?

Daup.

Yes by my troth am I : 't were ill dissembling before thee .

Tru.

With which of 'hem , I pray thee ?

Daup.

With all the Collegiates .

Cle.

Out on thee . Wee 'll keepe you at home , beleeue it , i' the Stable , and you be such a Stallion .

Tru.

No , I like him well . Men should loue wisely , and all women : someone for the face , and let her please the eye ; another for the skin , and let her please the touch ; a third for the voyce , and let her please the eare ; and where the Obiects mixe , let the senses so too . Thou wouldst thinke it strange , if I should make 'hem all in loue with thee a fore Night !

Daup.

I would say thou had'st the best Philtre i' the World , and couldst doe more then Madame Medea , or Doctor Foreman .

Tru.

If I doe not , let me play the Mounte-banke for my meate while I liue , and the Bawd for my drinke .

Daup.

So be it , I say .

Act IIII. Scene II. Otter , Clerimont , Daw , Dauphine , Morose , Tru-wit , La-Foole , Mrs. Otter .

O Lord , Gentlemen , how my Knights and I haue mist you here !

Cle.

Why , Captaine , what Seruice ? what Seruice ?

Ott.

To see mee bring vp my Bull , Beare , and Horse to fight .

Daw .

Yes faith , the Captaine sayes we shall be his Dogs to bait 'hem .

Daup.

A good imployment .

Tru.

Come on , let 's see a course then .

La-F.

I am afraid my Cousin will bee offended if shee come .

Ott.

Be afraid of nothing . Gentlemen , I haue plac'd the Drumme and the Trumpets , and one to giue 'hem the signe when you are readie . Here 's my Bull for my selfe , and my Beare for Sir Iohn Daw , and my Horse for Sir Amorous . Now set your foot to mine , and yours to his , and —

La-F.

Pray God my Cousin come not .

Ott.

Saint George , and Saint Andrew , feare no Cousins . Come , sound , sound . Et rauco strepuerunt cornuacantu .

Tru.

Well said , Captaine , yfaith : well fought at the Bull .

Cle.

Well held at the Beare .

Tru.

Low , low , Captaine .

Daup.

O' the Horse has kickt off his Dogge alreadie .

La-F.

I cannot drinke it , as I am a Knight .

Tru.

Gods so , off with his Spurres , some-body .

La-F.

It goes againe my conscience . My Cousin will be angry with it .

Daw .

I ha' done mine .

Tru.

You fought high and faire , Sir Iohn .

Cle.

At the head .

Daup.

Like an excellent Beare-Dogge .

Cle.

You take no notice of the businesse I hope .

Daw .

Not a word , Sir , you see we are iouiall .

Ott.

Sir Amorous , you must not aequiuocate . It must bee pull'd downe , for all my Cousin .

Cle.

Sfoot , if you take not your drinke , they 'll thinke you are discontented with some thing : you 'll betray all , if you take the least notice .

La-F.

Not I , I 'll both drinke , and talke then .

Ott.

You must pull the Horse on his knees , Sir Amorous : feare no Cousins . Iacta est alea.

Tru.

O , now hee 's in his vaine , and bold . The least hint giuen him of his Wife now will make him raile desperately .

Cle.

Speake to him of her .

Tru.

Doe you , and I 'll fetch her to the hearing of it .

Daup.

Captaine hee-Otter , your shee-Otter is comming , your Wife .

Ott.

Wife ! Buz . Titinilitium . There 's no such thing in nature . I confesse , Gentlemen , I haue a Cooke , a Laundresse , a House-Drudge , that serues my necessary turnes , and goes vnder that title : But hee 's an Asse that will bee so vxorious , to tye his affections to one Circle . Come , the name duls appetite . Here , replenish againe : another bout . Wiues are nasty , sluttish Animalls .

Daw .

O , Captaine .

Ott.

As euer the Earth bare , tribus verbis . Where 's Master Tru-wit ?

Daw .

Hee 's slipt aside , Sir .

Cle.

But you must drinke , and be iouiall ,

Daw .

Yes , giue it me .

La-F.

And me , too .

Daw .

Let 's be iouiall .

La-F.

As iouiall as you will .

Ott.

Agreed . Now you shall ha' the Beare , Cousin , and Sir Iohn Daw the Horse , and I 'll ha' the Bull still . Sound Tritons o' the Thames . Nunc est bibendum , nunc pede libero —

Mor.

Morose speakes from aboue : the Trumpets sounding . Villaines , Murderers , Sonnes of the Earth , and Traytors , what doe you there ?

Cle.

O , now the Trumpets haue wak'd him , wee shall haue his company .

Ott.

A Wife is a sciruy Clogdogdo ; an vnlucky thing , a very fore-said Beare-whelpe , without any good fashion or breeding : mala bestia .

Daup.

Why did you marry one then , Captaine ?

Ott.

His Wife is brought out to beare him . A poxe — I marryed with sixe thousand pound , I . I was in loue with that . I ha' not kist my Furie these fortie weekes .

Cle.

The more to blame you , Captaine .

Tru.

Nay , Mistris Otter , heare him a little first .

Ott.

Shee has a breath worse then my Grand-mothers , profecto .

Mrs. Ot.

O trecherous Lyar . Kisse mee sweete Master Tru-wit , and proue him a slandring Knaue .

Tru.

I 'll rather beleeue you , Lady .

Ott.

And shee has a Perruke , that 's like a pound of Hempe , made vp in Shoo-thrids .

Mrs. Ot.

O Viper , Mandrake !

Ott.

A most vile face ! and yet she spends me fortie pound a yeere in Mercurie , and Hogs-bones . All her Teeth were made i' the Blacke-Friers : both her eye-browes i' the Strand , and her Haire in Siuer-street . Euery part o' the Towne ownes a piece of her .

Mrs. Ot.

I cannot hold .

Ott.

Shee takes her selfe asunder still when shee goes to bed , into some twentie Boxes ; and about next day noone is put together againe , like a great Germane Clocke : and so comes forth and rings a tedious larum to the whole House , and then is quiet againe for an houre , but for her quarters . Ha' you done me right , Gentlemen ?

Mrs. Ot.

No , Sir , I 'll doe you right with my quarters , with my quarters .

Ott.

Shee falls vpon him and beats vpon him , O , hold , good Princesse .

Tru.

Sound , sound .

Cle.

A battell , a battell .

Mrs. Ot.

You notorious stinkardly Beareward , do's my breath smell ?

Ott.

Vnder correction , deare Princesse : looke to my Beare , and my Horse , Gentlemen .

Mrs. Ot.

Doe I want Teeth , and Eye-browes , thou Bul-Dogge ?

Tru.

Sound , sound still .

Ott.

No , I protest , vnder correction —

Mrs. Ott.

I , now you are vnder correction , you protest : but you did not protest before correction , Sir . Thou Iudas , to offer to betray thy Princesse ! I 'll make thee an example —

Mor.

Morose descends with a longsword I will haue no such examples in my House , Lady Otter .

Mrs. Ot.

Ah —

Mor.

Mistris Mary Ambree , your examples are dangerous . Rogues , Hell-hounds , Stentors , out of my doores , you sonnes of noyse and tumult , begot on an ill May-day , or when the Gally-foist is a-float to Westminster ! A Trumpetter could not be conceiu'd but then !

Daup.

What ailes you , Sir ?

Mor.

They haue rent my Roofe , Walles , and all my Windores asunder , with their brazen throates .

Tru.

Best follow him , Dauphine .

Daup.

So I will .

Cle.

Where 's Daw , and La-Foole ?

Ott.

They are both runne away , Sir . Good Gentlemen , helpe to pacifie my Princesse , and speake to the great Ladies for mee . Now must I goe lye with the Beares this fortnight , and keepe out o' the way , till my peace bee made , for this scandale shee has taken . Did you not see my Bull-head , Gentlemen ?

Cle.

Is 't not on , Captaine ?

Tru.

No : but hee may make a new one , by that , is on .

Ott.

O , here 't is . And you come ouer , Gentlemen , and aske for Tom Otter , wee 'll goe downe to Ratcliffe , and haue a course yfaith : for all these disasters . There 's bona spet left .

Tru.

Away , Captaine , get off while you are well .

Cle.

I am glad we are rid of him .

Tru.

You had neuer beene , vnlesse wee had put his Wife vpon him . His humour is as tedious at last , as it was ridiculous at first .

Act IIII. Scene III. Haughty , Mistris Otter , Mauis , Daw , La-Foole , Centaure , Epicoene , Tru-wit , Clerimont .

WE wondred why you shreek'd so , Mistris Otter .

Mrs. Ot.

O God , Madame , hee came downe with a huge long naked Weapon in both his hands , and look'd so dreadfully ! Sure , hee 's beside himselfe .

Mau.

Why , what made you there , Mistris Otter ?

Mrs. Ot.

Alas , Mistris Mauis , I was chastising my subiect , and thought nothing of him .

Daw .

Faith , Mistris , you must doe so too . Learne to chastize . Mistris Otter corrects her Husband so , hee dares not speake , but vnder correction .

La-F.

And with his Hat off to her : 't would doe you good to see .

Hau.

In sadnesse 't is good , and mature counsell : practize it , Morose . I 'll call you Morose still now , as I call Centaure , and Mauis : we foure will be all one .

Cen.

And you 'll come to the Colledge , and liue with vs ?

Hau.

Make him giue Milke , and Honey .

Mau.

Looke how you manage him at first , you shall haue him euer after .

Cen.

Let him allow you your Coach , and foure Horses , your Woman , your Chamber-maid , your Page your Gentleman-Vsher , your French Cooke , and foure Groomes .

Hau.

And goe with vs , to Bed'lem , to the China Houses , and to the Exchange .

Cen.

It will open the gate to your fame .

Hau.

Here 's Centaure has immortaliz'd her selfe , with taming of her wilde Male .

Mau.

I , shee has done the Miracle of the Kingdome .

Epi.

But Ladies , doe you count it lawfull to haue such pluralitie of Seruants , and doe 'hem all graces ?

Hau.

Why not ? why should women denie their Fauours to men ? Are they the poorer , or the worse ?

Daw .

Is the Thames the lesse for the Dyers Water , Mistris ?

La-F.

Or a Torch , for lighting many Torches ?

Tru.

Well said , La-Foole ; what a new one hee has got !

Cen.

They are emptie losses , women feare , in this kind .

Hau.

Besides , Ladies should bee mindfull of the approch of age , and let no time want his due vse . The best of our dayes passe first .

Mau.

We are Riuers , that cannot bee call'd backe , Madame : shee that now excludes her Louers , may liue to lye a forsaken Beldame , in a frozen Bed .

Gen.

'T is true , Mauis : and who will wait on vs to coach then ? or write , or tell vs the newes then ? Make Anagrams of our names , and inuite vs to the Cock-pit , and kisse our hands all the Play-time , and draw their weapons for our honours ?

Hau.

Not one .

Daw .

Nay , my Mistris is not altogether vn-intelligent of these things ; here bee in presence haue tasted of her fauours .

Cle.

What a neighing Hobby-horse is this !

Epi.

But not with intent to boast 'hem againe , Seruant . And haue you those excellent Receits , Madame , to keepe your selues from bearing of Children ?

now to comfort a poore Gentlewoman ? Ay me ! what fortune had I to marrie a distracted man ?

Daw .

I 'll tell you , Mistris —

Tru.

How rarely shee holds it vp !

Mor.

What meane you , Gentlemen ?

Epi.

What will you tell me , Seruant ?

Daw .

The Disease in Greeke , is called Mayia , in Latine , Insania , Furor , vel Ecstasis melancholica , that is , Egressio , when a man ex melancholico , euadit fanaticus .

Mor.

Shall I haue a Lecture read vpon me aliue ?

Daw .

But he may be but Phreneticus , yet , Mistris ? and Phrenetis is only delirium , or so —

Epi.

I , that is for the Disease , Seruant : but what is this to the cure ? we are sure enough of the Disease .

Mor.

Let me goe .

Tru.

Why , wee 'll intreat her to hold her peace , Sir .

Mor.

O , no . Labour not to stop her . Shee is like a Conduit-pipe , that will gush out with more force , when shee opens againe .

Hau.

I 'll tell you , Morose , you must talke Diuinitie to her altogether , or morall Philosophy .

La-F.

I , and there 's an excellent Booke of morall Philosophy , Madame , of Raynard the Foxe , and all the Beasts , call'd Dones Philosophy .

Cen.

There is , indeed , Sir Amorous La-Foole .

Mor.

O misery !

La-F.

I haue read it , my Lady Centaure , all ouer to my Cousin , hers .

Mrs. Ot.

I , and 't is a very good Booke as any is , of the Modernes .

Daw .

Tut , he must haue Seneca read to him , and Plutarch , and the Ancients ; the Modernes are not for this Disease .

Cle.

Why , you discommended them too , to day , Sir Iohn

Daw .

I , in some Cases : but in these they are best , and Aristotles Ethicks .

Mau.

Say you so , Sir Iohn ? I thinke you are deceiu'd : you tooke it vpon trust .

Hau.

Where 's Trusty , my woman ? I 'll end this difference . I pr'y thee , Otter , call her . Her Father and Mother were both mad , when they put her to mee .

Mor.

I thinke so . Nay , Gentlemen , I am tame . This is but an exercise , I know a Marriage Ceremonie , which I must endure .

Hau.

And one of 'hem ( I know not which ) was cur'd with the Sick-mans Salue ; and the other with Greens Groats-worth of wit .

Tru.

A very cheape Cure , Madame .

Hau.

I , it 's very faesible .

Mrs. Ot.

My Lady call'd for you , Mistris Trusty : you must decide a Controuersie .

Hau.

O Trusty , which was it you said , your Father , or your Mother , that was cur'd with the Sick-mans Salue ?

Trus.

My Mother , Madame , with the Salue .

Tru.

Then it was the Sick-womans Salue .

Trus.

And my Father with the Groats-worth of wit . But there was other meanes vs'd : we had a Preacher that would preach folke asleepe still ; and so they were prescrib'd to goe to Church , by an old Woman that was their Physician , thrise a Weeke —

Epi.

To sleepe ?

Trus.

Yes forsooth : and euery night they reade themselues asleepe on those Bookes .

Epi.

Good faith , it stands with great reason . I would I knew where to procure those Bookes .

Mor.

Oh .

La-F.

I can helpe you with one of 'hem , Mistris Morose , the Groats-worth of wit .

Epi.

But I shall disfurnish you , Sir Amorous : can you spare it ?

La-F.

O , yes , for a Weeke , or so ; I 'll reade it my selfe to him .

Epi.

No , I must doe that , Sir : that must be my office .

Mor.

Sure , hee would doe well inough , if hee could sleepe .

Mor.

No , I should doe well inough , if you could sleepe . Haue I no friend that will make her drunke ? or giue her a little ladanum ? or opium ?

Tru.

Why , Sir , shee talkes tenne times worse in her sleepe .

Mor.

How !

Cle.

Doe you not know that , Sir ? neuer ceases all night .

Tru.

And snores like a Porcpisce .

Mor.

O , redeeme me , Fate , redeeme me , Fate . For how how many causes may a man be diuorc'd , Nephew ?

Daw .

I know not truly , Sir .

Tru.

Some Diuine must resolue you in that , Sir , or Canon Lawyer .

Mor.

I will not rest , I will not thinke of any other hope or comfort till I know .

Cle.

Alas , poore man .

Tru.

You 'll make him mad indeed , Ladies , if you pursue this .

Hau.

No , wee 'll let him breathe , now a quarter of an houre , or so .

Cle.

By my faith , a large Truce .

Hau.

Is that his keeper , that is gone with him ?

Daw .

It is his Nephew , Madame .

La-F.

Sir Dauphine , Eugenie .

Cen.

He lookes like a very pittifull Knight —

Daw .

As can bee . This Marriage , has put him out of all .

La-F.

He has not a penny in his Purse , Madame —

Daw .

He is ready to cry all this day .

La-F.

A very Sharke , hee set me i' the nicke t'other night at Primero .

Tru.

How these Swabbers talke !

Cle.

I , Otters Wine has swell'd their humours aboue a Spring-tide .

Hau.

Good Morose , let 's goe in againe . I like your couches exceeding well : wee 'll goe lie , and talke there .

Epi.

I wait on you , Madame .

Tru.

'Slight , I will haue 'hem as silent as Signes , and their Posts too , e're I ha' done . Doe you heare , Ladie-Bride ? I pray thee now , as thou art a noble Wench , continue this Discourse of Dauphine within : but prayse him exceedingly . Magnifie him with all the height of affection thou canst . ( I haue some purpose in 't ) and but beate off these two Rookes , Iack Daw , and his fellow , with any discontentment hether , and I 'll honour thee for euer .

Epi.

I was about it , here . It angred me to the soule , to heare 'hem beginne to talke so malepert .

Tru.

Pray thee performe it , and thou win'st mee an Idolater to thee , euerlasting .

Epi.

Will you goe in , and heare me doe it ?

Cle.

No , I 'll stay heere . Driue 'hem out of your companie , 't is all I aske : which cannot bee any way better done , then by extolling Dauphine , whome they haue so slighted .

Epi.

I warrant you : you shall expect one of 'hem presently .

Cle.

What a cast of Kastrils are these , to hawke after Ladies , thus ?

Tru.

I , and strike at such an Eagle as Dauphine .

Cle.

Hee will bee madde , when wee will tell him . Here he comes .

Act IIII. Scene V. Clerimont , Tru-wit , Dauphine , Daw , La-Foole .

O Sir , you are welcome .

Tru.

Where 's thine Vncle ?

Daup.

Runne out o'doores in 's Night-caps , to talke with a Casuist , about his Diuorce . It workes admirably .

Tru.

Thou would'st ha' said so , and thou had'st been here ! The Ladies haue laught at thee , most Comically , since thou wentst , Dauphine .

Cle.

And askt , if thou wert thine Vncles keeper ?

Tru.

And the brace of Babouns answer'd , yes ; and said , thou wert a pittifull poore fellow , and did'st liue vpon posts : and had'st nothing but three Sutes of Apparell , and some few Beneuolences that Lords ga'thee to foole to hem , and swagger .

Daup.

Let mee not liue , I 'll beate 'hem . I 'll binde 'hem both to grand Madames Bed . postes , and haue 'hem bayted with Monkeyes .

Tru.

Thou shalt not need , they shall bee beaten to thy hand , Dauphine . I haue an Execution to serue vpon 'hem , I warrant thee shall serue : trust my plot .

Daup.

I , you haue many plots ! So you had one , to make all the Wenches in loue with mee .

Tru.

Why , If I doe not yet afore night , as neere as 't is ; and that they doe not euery one inuite thee , and bee ready to scratch for thee : take the morgage of my wit .

Cle.

'Fore God , I 'll bee his witnesse ; thou shalt haue it , Dauphine : thou shalt bee his Foole for euer , if thou doest not .

Tru.

Agreed . Perhaps 't will bee the better estate . Doe you obserue this Gallerie ? or rather Lobby , indeed ? Here are a couple of Studies , at each end one : here will I act such a Tragi-comoedy betweene the Guelphes , and the Ghibellines , Daw and La-Foole — which of 'hem comes out first , will I seize on : ( you two shall be the Chorus behind the Arras , and whip out betweene the Acts , and speake . ) If I doe not make 'hem keepe the peace , for this remnant of the day , if not of the yeere , I haue faild once — I heare Daw comming : Hide , and doe not laugh , for Gods sake .

Daw .

Which is the way into the Garden , trow ?

Tru.

O , Iack Daw ! I am glad I haue met with you . In good faith , I must haue this matter goe no furder betweene you . I must ha' it taken vp .

Daw .

What matter , Sir ? Betweene whom ?

Tru.

Come , you disguise it — Sir Amorous and you . If you loue me , Iack , you shal make vse of your Philosophy now , for this once , and deliuer me your Sword . This is not the Wedding the Centaures were at , though there be a shee-one here . The Bride has entreated mee I will see no bloud shed at her Bridall , you saw her whisper me ere-while .

Daw .

As I hope to finish Tacitus , I intend no Murder .

Tru.

Doe you not wait for Sir Amorous ?

Daw .

Not I , by my Knight-hood .

Tru.

And your Schollership too ?

Daw .

And my Schollership too .

Tru.

Goe to , then I returne you your Sword , and aske you mercy ; but put it not vp , for you will bee assaulted . I vnderstood that you had apprehended it , and walkt here to braue him : and that you had held your life contemptible , in regard of your honour .

Daw .

No , no , no such thing I assure you . He and I parted now , as good friends as could be .

Tru.

Trust not you to that Visor . I saw him since Dinner with another face : I haue knowne many men in my time vex'd with losses , with deaths , and with abuses , but so offended a Wight as Sir Amorous , did I neuer see , or read of . For taking away his Guests , Sir , to day , that 's the cause : and he declares it behind your back ; with such threatnings and contempts — Hee said to Dauphine , you were the errandst Asse —

Daw .

I , he may say his pleasure .

Tru.

And sweares you are so protested a Coward , that hee knowes you will neuer doe him any manly or single right , and therefore he will take his course .

Daw .

I 'll giue him any satisfaction , Sir — but fighting .

Tru.

I , Sir , but who knowes what satisfaction hee 'll take ? bloud hee thirsts for , and bloud hee will haue : and where-abouts on you he will haue it , who knowes but himselfe ?

Daw .

I pray you , Master Tru-wit , be you a Mediator .

Tru.

He puts him vp . Well , Sir , conceale your selfe then in this studie , till I returne . Nay , you must bee content to bee lock'd in : for , for mine owne reputation I would not haue you seene to receiue a publique disgrace , while I haue the matter in managing . Gods so , here hee comes : keepe your breath close , that he doe not heare you sigh . In good faith , Sir Amorous , he is not this way , I pray you be mercifull , doe not murder him ; hee is a Christian as good as you : you are arm'd as if you sought a reuenge on all his Race . Good Dauphine , get him away from this place . I neuer knew a mans choller so high , but hee would speake to his friends , he would heare reason . Iack Daw , Iack Daw ! a-sleepe ?

Daw .

Is he gone , Master Tru-wit ?

Tru.

I , did you heare him ?

Daw .

O God , yes .

Tru.

What a quicke eare feare has ?

Daw .

But is he so arm'd , as you say ?

Tru.

Arm'd ? did you euer see a fellow , set out to take possession ?

Daw .

I , Sir .

Tru.

That may giue you some light , to conceiue of him : but 't is nothing to the principall . Some false Brother i' the house has furnish'd him strangely . Or , if it were out o' the house , it was Tom Otter .

Daw .

Indeed , hee 's a Captaine , and his Wife is his Kinswoman .

Tru.

Hee has got some-bodies old two-hand-sword to mow you off at the knees . And that Sword hath spawn'd such a Dagger ! — but then he is so hung with Pikes , Halberds , Peitronells , Calliuers , and Muskets , that hee lookes like a Iustice of Peace's Hall : a man of two thousand a yeere , is not sess'd at so many weapons , as he has on . There was neuer Fencer challeng'd at so many seuerall Foyles . You would think he meant to murder all Saint Pulehres Parish . If he could but victuall himselfe for halfe a yeere , in his breeches , he is sufficiently arm'd to ouer-runne a Countrie .

Daw .

Good Lord , what meanes he , Sir ! I pray you Master Tru-wit , be you a Mediator ?

Tru.

Well , I 'll try if he will be appeas'd with a Legge or an Arme , if not you must die once .

Daw .

I would be loth to loose my right Arme , for writing Madrigalls .

Tru.

Why , if hee will bee satisfied with a thumb , or a little finger , all 's one to me . You must think , I 'll do my best .

Daw .

Good Sir , doe .

Cle.

He puts him vp againe , and then came forth . What hast thou done ?

Tru.

He will let me doe nothing , man , hee do's all afore me , he offers his left arme .

Cle.

His left wing , for a Iack Daw .

Daw .

Take it , by all meanes .

Tru.

How ! Maime a man for euer , for a iest ? what a conscience hast thou ?

Daup.

'T is no losse to him : hee has no employment for his Armes , but to eat spoone-meat . Beside , as goods maime his bodie as his reputation .

Tru.

Hee is a Scholler , and a Wit , and yet hee do's not thinke so . But he looses no reputation with vs , for we all resolu'd him an Asse before . To your places againe .

Cle.

I pray thee , let me be in at the other a little .

Tru.

Looke , you 'll spoyle all : these be euer your tricks .

Cle.

No , but I could hit of somethings that thou wilt misse , and thou wilt say are good ones .

Tru.

I warrant you . I pray forbeare , I 'll leaue it off , else .

Daup.

Come away , Clerimont .

Tru.

Sir Amorous !

La-F.

Master Tru-wit .

Tru.

Whither were you going ?

La-F.

Downe into the Court , to make water .

Tru.

By no meanes , Sir , you shall rather tempt your breeches .

La-F.

Why , Sir ?

Tru.

Enter here , if you loue your life .

La-F.

Why ! why !

Tru.

Question till your throat be cut , doe : dally till the enraged soule find you .

La-F.

Who 's that ?

Tru.

Daw it is : will you in ?

La-F.

I , I , I 'll in : what 's the matter ?

Tru.

Nay , if hee had beene coole inough to tell vs that , there had beene some hope to attone you , but hee seemes so implacably enrag'd .

La-F.

'Slight , let him rage . I 'll hide my selfe .

Tru.

Doe , good Sir . But what haue you done to him within , that should prouoke him thus ? you haue broke some Iest vpon him , a-fore the Ladies —

La-F.

Not I , neuer in my life , broke Iest vpon any man . The Bride was praysing Sir Dauphine , and he went away in snuffe , and I followed him , vnlesse he tooke offence at me , in his drink ere while , that I would not pledge al the horse full .

Tru.

By my faith , and that may be , you remember well : but he walkes the round vp and down , through euery roome o' the house , with a Towell in his hand , crying , where 's La-Foole ? who saw La-Foole ? and when Dauphine , and I , demanded the cause , wee can force no answere from him , but ( ô reuenge , how sweete art thou ! I will strangle him in this Towell ) which leads vs to coniecture , that the maine cause of his furie is for bringing your meate to day , with a Towell about you , to his discredit .

La-F.

Like inough . Why , and he be angry for that . I 'll stay here , till his anger be blowne ouer .

Tru.

A good becomming resolution , Sir . If you can put it on o' the sudden .

La-F.

Yes , I can put it on . Or , I 'll away into the Countrey presently .

Tru.

How will you get out o' the house , Sir ? Hee knowes you are i' the house , and hee 'll watch you this se'n-night but hee 'll haue you . Hee 'll out-wait a Seriant for you .

La-F.

Why , then I 'll stay here .

Tru.

You must thinke , how to victuall your selfe in time , then .

La-F.

Why , sweet Master Tru-wit , will you entreat my Cousin Otter , to send me a cold Venison Pasty , a Bottle or two of Wine , and a Chamber Pot .

Tru.

A stoole were better , Sir , of Sir A-iax his inuention .

La-F.

I , that will be better indeed : and a Pallat to lye on .

Tru.

O , I would not aduise you to sleepe by any meanes .

La-F.

Would you not , Sir ? why , then I will not .

Tru.

Yet , there 's another feare —

La-F.

Is there , Sir ? What is 't ?

Tru.

No , hee cannot breake open this doore with his foote , sure .

La-F.

I 'll set my backe against it , Sir . I haue a good backe .

Tru.

But , then if he should batter .

La-F.

Batter ! if he dare , I 'll haue an Action of Batt'ry , against him .

Tru.

Cast you the worst . Hee has sent for poulder alreadie , and what he will doe with it , no man knowes : perhaps blow vp the corner o' the house where hee suspects you are . Here he comes , in quickly . I protest , Sir Iohn Daw , Hee faines as if one were present , to fright the other , who is run in to hide himselfe . he is not this way : what will you doe ? before God , you shall hang no petar de here . I 'll dye rather Will you not take my word ? I neuer knew one but would be satisfied . Sir Amorous , there 's no standing out . Hee has made a petarde of an olde brasse Pot , to force your doore . Thinke vpon some satisfaction or termes , to offer him .

La-F.

Sir , I 'll giue him any satisfaction . I dare giue any termes .

Tru.

You 'll leaue it to me , then ?

La-F.

I , Sir . I 'll stand to any conditions .

Tru.

Hee cals forth Clerimont , and Dauphine . How now , what thinke you , Sirs ? were 't not a difficult thing to determine , which of these two fear'd most .

Cle.

Yes , but this feares the brauest : the other a whiniling dastard , Iack Daw : but La-Foole , a braue heroique coward ! and is afraid in a great looke , and a stout accent . I like him rarely .

Tru.

Had it not beene pitty , these two should ha' beene conceal'd ?

Cle.

Shall I make a motion ?

Tru.

Briefly . For I must strike while 't is hot .

Cle.

Shall I goe fetch the Ladies to the Catastrophe ?

Tru.

Vmh ? I , by my troth .

Daup.

By no mortall meanes . Let them continue in the state of ignorance , and erre still : thinke 'hem wits , and fine fellowes , as they haue done . 'T were sinne to reforme them .

Tru.

Well , J will haue 'hem fetch'd , now I thinke on 't , for a priuate purpose of mine : doe , Clerimont , fetch 'hem , and discourse to 'hem all that 's past , and bring 'hem into the Gallery here .

Daup.

This is thy extreme vanitie , now : thou think'st thou wert vndone , if euery Iest thou mak'st were not publish'd .

Tru.

Thou shalt see , how vniust thou art , presently . Clerimont , say it was Dauphine's plot . Trust mee not , if the whole drift bee not for thy good . There 's a Carpet i' the next roome , put it on , with this Scarfe ouer thy face , and a Cushion o' thy head , and be ready when I call Amorous . Away — . Iohn Daw .

Daw .

What good newes , Sir ?

Tru.

Faith , I haue followed , and argued with him hard for you . I told him , you were a Knight , and a Scholler ; and that you knew fortitude did consist magis patiendo quam faciendo , magis ferendo quam feriendo .

Daw .

It doth so indeed , Sir .

Tru.

And that you would suffer , I told him : so , at first he demanded , by my troth , in my conceipt , too much .

Daw .

What was it , Sir .

Tru.

Your vpper lip , and six o' your fore-teeth .

Daw .

'T was vnreasonable .

Tru.

Nay , I told him plainly , you could not spare 'hem all . So after long argument ( pro & con , as you know ) I brought him downe to your two Butter-teeth , and them he would haue .

Daw .

O , did you so ? why , he shall haue 'hem .

Tru.

But he shall not , Sir , by your leaue . The conclusion is this , Sir , because you shall be very good friends hereafter , and this neuer to be remembred , or vpbrayded ; besides , that he may not boast , he has done any such thing to you in his owne person : hee is to come here in disguise , giue you fiue kicks in priuate , Sir , take your Sword from you , and lock you vp in that Studie , during pleasure . Which will be but a little while , wee 'll get it releas'd presently .

Daw .

Fiue kicks ? he shall haue six , Sir , to be friends .

Tru.

Beleeue me , you shall not ouer-shoot your selfe , to send him that word by me .

Daw .

Deliuer it , Sir . He shall haue it with all my heart , to be friends .

Tru.

Friends ? Nay , and he should not be so , and heartily too , vpon these termes , he shall haue me to enemie while I liue . Come , Sir , beare it brauely .

Daw .

O God , Sir , 't is nothing .

Tru.

Tru . What 's six kicks to a man , that reades Seneca ?

Daw .

I haue had a hundred , Sir .

Tru.

Sir Amorous . No speaking one to another , Dauphine comes forth , and kicks him . or rehearsing old matters .

Daw .

One , two , three , foure , fiue . I protest , Sir Amorous , you shall haue six .

Tru.

Nay , I told you should not talke . Come giue him six , and he will needs . Your Sword . Now returne to your safe custody : you shall presently meete afore the Ladies , and be the dearest friends one to another — Giue mee the Scarfe , now , thou shalt beat the other bare-fac'd . Stand by , Sir Amorous .

La-F.

What 's here ? A Sword .

Tru.

I cannot helpe it , without I should take the quarrell vpon my selfe : here he has sent you his Sword —

La-F.

I ll receiue none on 't .

Tru.

And hee wils you to fasten it against a wall , and breake your head in some few seuerall places against the Hilts .

La-F.

I will not : tell him roundly . I cannot endure to shed my owne bloud .

Tru.

Will you not ?

La-F.

No . I ll beat it against a faire flat wall , if that will satisfie him : If not , he shall beat it himselfe , for Amorous .

Tru.

Why , this is strange starting off , when a man vndertakes for you ! I offered him another condition : will you stand to that ?

La-F.

Yes , I am content , at the blunt .

Tru.

Then you must submit your selfe to bee hood-wink'd in this Skarse , and bee led to him , where hee will take your Sword from you , and make you beare a blow , ouer the Mouth , Gules , and tweakes by the Nose , Sans numbre .

La-F.

I am content . But why must I be blinded ?

Tru.

That 's for your good , Sir : because , if hee should grow insolent vpon this , and publish it hereafter to your disgrace ( which I hope hee will not doe ) you might sweare safely and protest , hee neuer beate you to your knowledge .

La-F.

O , I conceiue .

Tru.

I doe not doubt , but you 'll bee perfect good friends vpon 't , and not dare to vtter an ill thought one of another , in future .

La-F.

Not I , as God helpe me , of him .

Tru.

Nor he of you , Sir . If he should — Come , Sir . All hid , Sir Iohn .

La-F.

Oh , Sir Iohn , Sir Iohn . Dauphine enters to tweake him , Oh , ô-ô ô ô ô Oh —

Tru.

Good Sir Iohn , leaue tweaking , you 'll blow his Nose off . 'T is Sir Iohn's pleasure , you should retyre into the Studie . Why , now you are friendes . All bitternesse betweene you , I hope , is buried ; you shall come forth by and by , Damon and Pythias vpon 't : and embrace with all the ranknesse of Friendship that can bee . I trust , we shall haue 'hem tamer i' their Language hereafter . Dauphine , I worship thee . Gods will , the Ladies haue surpris'd vs !

Act IIII. Scene VI. Hauing discouerd part of the past Scene aboue : Haughty , Centaure , Mauis , Mistris Otter , Epicoene , Trusty , Dauphine , Tru-wit , &c.

CEntaure , how our iudgements were impos'd on by these adulterate Knights !

Cen.

Nay , Madame , Mauis was more deceiu'd then wee , 't was her commendation vtter'd 'hem in the Colledge .

Mau.

I commended but their wits , Madame , and their braueries . I neuer look'd toward their valours .

Hau.

Sir Dauphine is valiant , and a wit too , it seemes .

Mau.

And a brauery too .

Hau.

Was this his proiect ?

Mrs. Ot.

So Master Clerimont intimates , Madame .

Hau.

Good Morose , when you come to the Colledge , will you bring him with you ? Hee seemes a very perfect Gentleman .

Epi.

He is so Madame , beleeue it .

Cen.

But when will you come , Morose ?

Epi.

Three or foure dayes hence , Madame , when I haue got me a Coach , and Horses .

Hau.

No , to morrow , good Morose , Centaure shall send you her Coach .

Mau.

Yes faith , doe , and bring Sir Dauphine with you .

Hau.

Shee has promis'd that Mauis .

Mau.

Hee is a very worthy Gentleman , in his exteriors , Madame .

Hau.

I , he showes he is iudiciall in his clothes .

Cen.

And yet not so superlatiuely neat as some , Madame , that haue their faces set in a Brake !

Hau.

I , and haue euery haire in forme !

Mau.

That weare purer Linnen then our selues , and professe more neatnesse , then the French Hermaphrodite !

Epi.

I Ladies , they , what they tell one of vs , haue tolde a thousand , and are the only Theeues of our fame : that thinke to take vs with that Perfume , or with that Lace , and laugh at vs vn-conscionably when they haue done .

Hau.

But , Sir Dauphines carelesnesse becomes him .

Cen.

I could loue a man , for such a Nose !

Mau.

Or such a Legge !

Cen.

He has an exceeding good eye , Madame !

Mau.

And a very good Lock !

Cen.

Good Morose , bring him to my Chamber first .

Mrs. Ot.

Please your Honours , to meete at my House , Madame ?

Tru.

See , how they eye thee , man ! they are taken I warrant thee .

Hau.

You haue vnbrac'd our brace of Knights , heere , Master Tru-wit .

Tru.

Not I , Madame , it was Sir Dauphines inginer : who , if he haue disfurnish'd your Ladiship of any guard , or seruice by it , is able to make the place good againe , in himself .

Hau.

There 's no suspition of that , Sir .

Cen.

God so , Mauis , Haughty is kissing .

Mau.

Let vs goe too , and take part .

Hau.

But I am glad of the fortune ( beside the discouerie of two such emptie Caskets ) to gaine the knowledge of so rich a Mine of Vertue , as Sir Dauphine .

Cen.

Wee would bee all glad to stile him of our friendship , and see him at the Colledge .

Mau.

Hee cannot mixe with a sweeter societie , I 'll prophesie , and I hope he himselfe will thinke so .

Daup.

I should be rude to imagine otherwise , Ladie .

Tru.

Did not I tell thee , Dauphine ? Why , all their actions are gouerned by crude opinion , without reason or cause ; they know not why they doe any thing : but as they are inform'd , beleeue , iudge , prayse , condemne , loue , hate , and in aemulation one of another , doe all these things alike . Onely , they haue a naturall inclination swayes 'hem generally to the worst , when they are left to themselues . But , pursue it , now thou hast 'hem .

Hau.

Shall we goe in againe , Morose ?

Epi.

Yes , Madame .

Cen.

Wee 'll entreate Sir Dauphines company .

Tru.

Stay , good Madame , the inter-view of the two friends , Pylades and Orestes : I 'll fetch 'hem out to you straight .

Hau.

Will you , Master Tru-wit ?

Daup.

I , but noble Ladies , do not confesse in your countenance , or outward bearing to 'hem any discouerie of their follies , that wee may see , how they will beare vp againe , with what assurance , and erection .

Hau.

We will not , Sir Dauphine .

Cen.

Mau . Vpon our honours , Sir Dauphine .

Tru.

Sir Amorous , Sir Amorous . The Ladies are here .

La-F.

Are they ?

Tru.

Yes , but slip out by and by , as their backes are turn'd , and meet Sir Iohn here , as by chance , when I call you . Iack Daw .

Daw .

What say you , Sir ?

Tru.

Whip out behinde mee suddenly : and no anger i' your lookes to your Aduersarie . Now , now .

La-F.

Noble Sir Iohn Daw ! where ha' you beene ?

Daw .

To seeke you , Sir Amorous .

La-F.

Me ! I honour you .

Daw .

I preuent you , Sir .

Cle.

They haue forgot their Rapiers !

Tru.

O , they meet in peace , man .

Daup.

Where 's your Sword , Sir Iohn ?

Cle.

And yours , Sir Amorous ?

Daw .

Mine ! my Boy had it forth , to mend the handle , cene now .

La-F.

And my gold handle was broke too , and my Boy had it forth .

Daup.

Indeed , Sir ? How their excuses meet !

Cle.

What a consent there is , i' the handles ?

Tru.

Nay , there is so i' the points too , I warrant you .

Mrs. Ot.

O me ! Madame , hee comes againe , the madde man , away .

Act. IIII. Scene VII. Morose , Tru-wit , Clerimont , Dauphine .

Hee had sound the two Swords drawne within . WHat make these naked weapons here , Gentlemen ?

Tru.

O , Sir ! here hath like to beene muder since you went ! A couple of Knights fallen out about the Brides fauours : we were faine to take away their weapons , your house had beene begg'd by this time else —

Mor.

For what ?

Cle.

For Man slaughter , Sir , as being accessary .

Mor,

And , for her fauours ?

Tru.

I , Sir , heretofore , not present . Clerimont , carrie 'hem their Swords , now . They haue done all the hurt they will doe .

Daup.

Ha' you spoke with a Lawyer , Sir ?

Mor.

O , no! there is such a noyse i' the Court , that they haue frighted me home , with more violence then I went ! such speaking , and counter-speaking , with their seuerall voyces of Citations , Appellations , Allegations , Certificates , Attachments , Intergatories , References , Conuictions , and Afflictions indeed , among the Doctors and Proctors ! that the noyse here is silence too 't ! a kind of mid-night !

Tru.

Why , Sir , if you would bee resolu'd indeed , I can bring you hither a very sufficient Lawyer , and a Learned Diuine , that shall inquire into euery least scruple for you .

Mor.

Can you Master Tru-wit ?

Yes , and are very sober graue persons , that will dispatch it in a Chamber , with a whisper , or two .

Mor.

Good Sir , shall I hope this benefit from you , and trust my selfe into your hands ?

Tru.

Alas , Sir ! your Nephew , and I , haue beene asham'd , and oft-times mad since you went , to thinke how you are abus'd . Goe in , good Sir , and locke your selfe vp till we call you , wee 'll tell you more anon , Sir .

Mor.

Doe your pleasure with mee , Gentlemen ; I beleeue in you : and that deserues no delusion —

Tru.

You shall find none , Sir : but heapt , heapt plentie of vexation .

Daup.

What wilt thou doe now , Wit ?

Tru.

Recouer me hither Otter , and the Barber if you can , by any meanes , presently .

Daup.

Why ? to what purpose ?

Tru.

O , I 'll make the deepest Diuine , and grauest Lawyer , out o' them two , for him —

Daup.

Thou canst not man , these are waking Dreames .

Tru.

Doe not feare mee . Clap but a Ciuill Gowne with a Welt , o' the one ; and a Canonicall Cloke with Sleeues , o' the other : and giue 'hem a few termes i' their mouthes , if there come not forth as able a Doctor , and compleat a Parson , for this turne , as may bee wish'd , trust not my Election . And , I hope without wronging the dignitie of eyther Profession , since they are but persons put on , and for mirths sake , to torment him . The Barber smatters Latine , I remember .

Daup.

Yes , and Otter too .

Tru.

Well then , if I make 'hem not wrangle out this Case , to his no comfort , let mee bee thought a lack Daw , or La-Foole , or any thing worse , Goe you to your Ladies , but first send for them .

Daup.

I will .

Act V.
Scene I. La-Foole , Clerimont , Daw , Manis .

WHere had you our Swords , Master Clerimont ?

Cle.

Why , Dauphine tooke 'hem from the mad-man .

La-F.

And hee tooke 'hem from our Boyes , I warrant you ?

Cle.

Very like , Sir .

La-F.

Thanke you good Master Clerimont . Sir Iohn Daw , and I are both beholden to you .

Cle.

Would I knew how to make you so , Gentlemen :

Daw .

Sir Amorous , and I are your Seruants , Sir .

Mau.

Gentlemen , haue any of you a Pen-and-Inke . I would faine write out a Riddle in Italian , for Sir Dauphine , to translate .

Cle.

Not I , in troth Lady , I am no Scriuener .

Daw .

I can furnish you , I thinke , Lady .

Cle.

He has it in the Haft of a Knife , I beleeue !

La-F.

No , he has his Boxe of Instruments .

Cle.

Like a Surgean !

La-F.

For the Mathematiques : his Squire , his Compasses , his Brasse Pens , and Black-lead , to draw Maps of euery place , and person , where he comes .

Cle.

How , Maps of persons !

La-F.

Yes , Sir , of Nomentack , when he was here , and of the Prince of Moldauia , and of Mistris , Mistris Epicane .

Cle.

Away ! he has not found our her Latitude , I hope .

La-F.

You are a pleasant Gentleman , Sir .

Cle.

Faith , now we are in priuate , let 's wanton it a little , and talke waggishly . Sir Iohn , I am telling Sir Amorous here , that you two gouerne the Ladies , where e're you come . you carry the Feminine Gender afore you .

Daw .

They shall rather carry vs afore them , if they will , Sir .

Cle.

Nay , I beleeue that they doe , withall — But , that you are the prime-men in their affections , and direct all their actions —

Daw .

Not I : Sir Amorous is .

La-F.

I protest , Sir Iohn is .

Daw .

As I hope to rise i' the state , Sir Amorous , you ha' the person .

La-F.

Sir Iohn , you ha' the person , and the Discourse too .

Daw .

Not I , Sir . I haue no discourse — and then you haue actiuitie beside .

La-F.

I protest , Sir Iohn , you come as high from Tripoly , as I doe euery whit : and lift as many ioyn'd stooles , and leape ouer 'hem , if you would vse it —

Cle.

Well , agree on 't together Knights ; for betweene you , you diuide the Kingdome , or Common-wealth of Ladies affections : I see it , and can perceiue a little how they obserue you , and fear you , indeed . You could tell strange Stories , my Masters , if you would , I know .

Daw .

Faith , we haue seene somewhat , Sir .

La-F.

That we haue — Vellet Petticoates , and wrought Smocks , or so .

Daw .

I , and —

Nay , out with it , Sir Iohn : doe not enuie your friend the pleasure of hearing , when you haue had the delight of tasting .

Daw .

Why — a — doe you speake , Sir Amorous .

La-F.

No , doe you , Sir Iohn Daw .

Daw .

I'faith , you shall .

La-F.

I'faith , you shall .

Daw .

Why , we haue beene —

La-F.

In the great Bed at Ware together in our time . On , Sir Iohn .

Daw .

Nay , doe you , Sir Amorous .

Cle.

And these Ladies with you , Knights ?

La-F.

No , excuse vs , Sir .

Daw .

We must not wound reputation .

La-F.

No matter — they were these , or others . Our bath cost vs fifteene pound , when we came home .

Cle.

Doe you heare , Sir Iohn , you shall tell mee but one thing truly , as you loue me .

Daw .

If I can , I will , Sir .

Cle.

You lay in the same house with the Bride , here ?

Daw .

Yes , and conuerst with her hourely , Sir .

Cle.

And what humour is she of ? is shee comming , and open , free ?

Daw .

O , exceeding open , Sir . I was her Seruant , and Sir Amorous was to be .

Cle.

Come , you haue both had fauours from her ? I know , and haue heard so much .

Daw .

O , no , Sir .

La-F.

You shall excuse vs , Sir : we must not wound reputation .

Cle.

Tut , she is marryed , now ; and you cannot hurt her with any report , and therefore speake plainly : how many times , yfaith ? which of you lead first ? Ha ?

La-F.

Sir Iohn had her Mayden-head , indeed .

Daw .

O , it pleases him to say so , Sir , but Sir Amorous knowes what 's what , as well .

Cle.

Do'st thou yfaith , Amorous ?

La-F.

In a manner , Sir .

Cle.

Why , I commend you Lads . Little knowes Don Bride groome of this . Nor shall he , for me .

Daw .

Hang him , mad Oxe .

Cle.

Speake softly : here comes his Nephew , with the Ladie Haughty . Hee 'll get the Ladies from you , Sirs , if you looke not to him in time .

La-F.

Why , if he doe , wee 'll fetch 'hem home againe , I warrant you .

Act V. Scene II. Haughtie , Dauphine , Centaure , Mauis , Clerimont .

I Assure you , Sir Dauphine , it is the price and estimation of your vertue only , that hath embarqu'd mee to this aduenture , and I could not but make out to tell you ; nor can I repent me of the act , since it is alwayes an argument of some vertue in our selues , that wee loue and affect it so in others .

Daup.

Your Ladiship sets too high a price , on my weaknesse .

Hau.

Sir , I can distinguish Gemmes from Peebles —

Daup.

( Are you so skilfull in Stones ? )

Hau.

And , howsoever I may suffer in such a iudgement as yours , by admitting equality of ranke , or societie , with Centaure or Mauis —

Daup.

You doe not , Madame , I perceiue they are your mere Foyles .

Hau.

Then are you a friend to truth , Sir . It makes mee loue you the more . It is not the outward , but the inward man that I affect . They are not apprehensiue of an eminent perfection , but loue flat , and dully .

Cen.

Where are you , my Lady Haughty .

Hau.

I come presently , Centawe . My Chamber , Sir , my Page shall show you ; and Trusty , my woman , shall be euer a wake for you : you neede not feare to communicate any thing with her , for shee is a Fidelia . I pray you weare this Iewell for my sake , Sir Dauphine . Where 's Mauis , Centaure ?

Cen.

Within , Madame , a writing . I 'll follow you presently . I 'll but speake a word with Sir Dauphine .

Daup.

With me , Madame ?

Cen.

Good Sir Dauphine , doe not trust Haughty , nor make any credit to her , what euer you doe besides . Sir Dauphine , I giue you this caution , shee is a perfect Courtier ; and loues no body , but for her vses : and for her vses , she loues all . Besides , her Phisicians giue her out to be none o' the cleerest , whether she pay 'hem or no , Heau'n knowes : and she 's abode fiftie too , and pargets ! See her in a fore-noone . Heere comes Mauis , a worse face then shee ! you would not like this , by Candle-light . If you 'll come to my Chamber one o' these Mornings early , or late in an Euening , I 'll tell you more . Where 's Haughty , Mauis ?

Mau.

Within , Centaure .

Cen.

What ha' you , there ?

Mau.

An Italian Riddle for Sir Dauphine , ( you shall not see it yfaith , Centaure . ) Good Sir Dauphine , solue it for me . I 'll call for it anon .

Cle.

How now , Dauphine ? how do'st thou quit thy selfe of these Females ?

Daup.

'Slight , they haunt mee like Fayries , and giue mee Iewels here , I cannot be rid of 'hem ,

Cle

O , you must not tell , though .

Daup.

Masse , I forgot that : I was neuer so assaulted . One loues for vertue , and bribes mee with this . Another loues mee with caution , and so would possesse mee . A third brings mee a Riddle here , and all are iealous : and raile each at other .

Cle.

He reades the Paper . A Riddle ? pray le' mee see 't ? Sir Dauphine , I chose this way of intimation for priuacie . The Ladies here , I know , haue both hope , and purpose , to make a Collegiate and Seruant of you . If I might bee so honour'd , as to appeare at any end of so noble a Worke , I would enter into a fame of taking Phisicke to morrow , and continue you it foure or fiue dayes , or longer , for your visitation . Mauis . By my faith , a subtle one ! Call you this a Riddle ? What 's their plaine dealing , trow ?

Daup.

We lack Tru-wit , to tell vs that .

Cle.

Wee lacke him for somewhat else too : his Knights reformados are wound vp as high , and insolent , as euer they were .

Daup.

You iest .

Cle ,

No Drunkards , either with Wine or Vanitie , euer confess'd such Stories of themselues . I would not giue a Flyes legge , in ballance against all the womens reputations here , if they could be but thought to speake truth : and , for the Bride , they haue made their affidauit against her directly —

Daup.

What , they haue lyen with her ?

Cle.

Yes , and tell times , and circumstances , with the cause why , and the place where . I had almost brought 'hem to affirme that they had done it , to day .

Daup.

Not both of 'hem .

Cle.

Yes faith : with a sooth or two more I had effected it . They would ha' set it downe vnder their hands .

Daup.

Why , they will bee our sport , I see , still ! whether we will , or no .

Act V. Scene III . Tru-wit , Morose , Otter , Cutberd , Clerimont , Dauphine .

O , Are you here ? Come Dauphine , Goe call your Vncle presently . I haue fitted my Diuine , and my Canonist , dyed their Beards and all : the Knaues doe not know themselues they are so exalted , and alter'd . Preferment changes any man . Thou shalt keepe one doore , and I another , and then Clerimont in the midst , that hee may haue no meanes of escape from their cauilling , when they grow hot once againe . And then the women ( as I haue giuen the Bride her instructions ) to breake in vpon him , i' the l'enuoy . O , 't will bee full and twanging ! Away , fetch him . Come , Master Doctor , and Master Parson , looke to your parts now , and discharge 'hem brauely : you are well set forth , performe it as well . If you chance to be out , doe not confesse it with standing still , or humming , or gaping one at another : but go on , and talke alowd , and eagerly , vse vehement action , and onely remember your termes , and you are safe . Let the matter goe where it will : you haue many will doe so . But at first , be very solemne , and graue like your garments , though you lose your selues after , and skip out like a brace of Iugglers on a Table . Here he comes ! set your faces , and looke superciliously , while I present you .

Mor.

Are these the two learned men ?

Tru.

Yes , Sir , please you salute 'hem ?

Mor.

Salute 'hem ? I had rather doe any thing , then weare out time so vnfruitfully , Sir . I wonder , how these common formes , as God saue you , and you are well-come , are come to be a habit in our liues ! or , I am glad to see you ! when I cannot see , what the profit can be of these words , so long as it is no whit better with him , whose affaires are sad , and grieuous , that he heares this salutation .

Tru.

'T is true , Sir , wee 'll goe to the matter then . Gentlemen , Master Doctor , and Master Parson , I haue acquainted you sufficiently with the businesse , for which you are come hither . And you are not now to enforme your selues in the state of the question , I know . This is the Gentleman , who expects your resolution , and therefore , when you please , begin .

Ott.

Please you , Master Doctor .

Cut.

Please you , good Master Parson .

Ott.

I would heare the Canon law speake first .

Cut.

It must giue place to positiue Diunitie , Sir .

Mor.

Nay , good Gentlemen , doe not throw me into circumstances . Let your comforts arrive quickly at me , those that are . Be swift in affoording mee my peace , if so I shall hope any . I loue not your Dispurations , or your Court-tumults . And that it be not strange to you , I will tell you . My Father , in my education , was woont to aduise mee , that I should alwayes collect , and contayne my mind , not suffring it to flow loosely ; that I should looke to what things were necessarie to the carriage of my life , and what not : embracing the one and eschewing the other . In short , that I should endeare my selfe to rest , and auoid turmoile : which now is growne to bee another nature to mee . So that I come not to your publike pleadings , or your places of noyse ; not that I neglect those things , that make for the dignitie of the Common-wealth : but for the meere auoyding of clamours , and impertinences of Orators , that know not how to bee silent . Aud for the cause of noyse , am I now a sutor to you You doe not know in what a miserie I haue beene exercis'd this day , what a torrent of euill ! My very House turnes round with the tumult ! I dwell in a Wind-mill ! The perpetuall about motion is here , and not at Eltham .

Tru.

Well , good Master Doctor , will you breake the ice ? Master parson will wade after .

Cut.

Sir , though vnworthy , and the weaker , I will presume .

Ott.

'T is no presumption , Domine Doctor .

Mor.

Yet againe !

Cut.

Your question is , for how many causes a man may haue diuortium legitimum , a lawfull Diuorce . First , you must vnderstand the nature of the word Diuorce , a diuertendo —

Mor.

No excursions vpon words , good Doctor , to the question briefly .

Cut.

I answere then , the Canon-law affords Diuorce but in few cases , and the principall is in the common case , the adulterous case . But there are duodecim impedimenta , twelue impediments ( as wee call 'hem ) all which doe not dirimere contractum , but irritum reddere matrimonium , as wee say in the Canon-law , not take away the bond , but cause a nullitie therein .

Mor.

I vnderstood you , before : good Sir , auoyd your impertinencie of Translation .

Ott.

He cannot open this too much , Sir , by your fauour .

Mor.

Yet more !

Tru.

O , you must giue the learned men leaue , Sir . To your impediments , Master Doctor .

Cut.

The first is impedimentum erroris .

Ott.

Of which there are seuerall species .

Cut.

I , as error personae .

Ott.

If you contract your selfe to one person , thinking her another .

Cut.

Then , error fortunae .

Ott.

If she be a Begger , and you thought her rich .

Cut.

Then , error qualitatis .

Ott.

If shee prooue stubborne , or head-strong , that you thought obedient .

Mor.

How ? is that , Sir , a lawfull impediment ? One at once , I pray you Gentlemen .

Ott.

I , ante copulam , but not post copulam , Sir .

Cut.

Master Parson sayes right . Nec post nuptiarum benedictionem . It doth indeed but irrita reddere sponsalia , annull the Contract : after Marriage it is of no obstancy .

Tru.

Alas , Sir , what a hope are wee fall'n from , by this time !

Cut.

The next is conditio : if you thought her free borne , and shee prooue a bond-woman , there is impediment of estate and condition .

Ott.

I , but Master Doctor , those seruitudes are sublate , now , among vs Christians .

Cut.

By your fauour , Master Parson —

Ott.

You shall giue me leaue , Master Doctor .

Mor.

Nay , Gentlemen , quarrell not in that question ; it concernes not my case : passe to the third .

Cut.

Well then , the third is votum . If either partie haue made a vow of Chastitie . But that practice , as Master Parson said of the other , is taken away among vs , thankes bee to discipline . The fourth is cognatio : if the persons bee of kinne , within the degrees .

Ott.

I : doe you know , what the degrees are , Sir ?

Mor.

No , nor I care not , Sir : they offer me no comfort in the question , I am sure ,

Cut.

But , there is a branch of this impediment may , which is cognatio spiritualis . If you were her Godfather , Sir , then the Marriage is incestuous .

Ott.

That comment is absurd , and superstitious , Master Doctor . I cannot endure it . Are wee not all Brothers and Sisters , and as much a kinne in that , as God-fathers , and God-daughters ?

Mor.

O me ! to end the Controuersie , I neuer was a Godfather , I neuer was a God-father in my life , Sir . Passe to the next .

Cut.

The sift is crimen adulterij : the knowne Case . The sixt , cultus disparitas , difference of Religion : haue you euer examin'd her what Religion she is of ?

Mor.

No , I would rather shee were of none , then bee put to the trouble of it !

Ott.

You may haue it done for you , Sir .

Mor.

By no meanes , good Sir , on to the rest : shall you euer come to an end , thinke you ?

Tru.

Yes , he has done halfe , Sir . ( On , to the rest ) be patient , and expect , Sir .

Cut.

The seuenth is , vis : if it were vpon compulsion , or force .

Mor.

O no , it was too voluntary , mine : too voluntary .

Cut.

The eighth is , ordo : if euer shee haue taken holy Orders .

Ott.

That 's superstitious , too .

Mor.

No matter , Master Parson : would she would goe into a Nunnerie yet .

Cut.

The ninth is , ligamen : if you were bound , Sir , to any other before .

Mor.

I thrust my selfe too soone into these Fetters .

Cut.

The tenth is , publica honestas : which is inchoata quaedam affinitas .

Ott.

I , or affinitas orta ex sponsalibus : and is but leue impedimentum .

Mor.

I feele no ayre of comfort blowing to mee , in all this .

Cut.

The eleuenth is , affinitas ex fornicatione .

Ott.

Which is no lesse vera affinitas , then the other Master Doctor .

Cut.

True , quae oritur ex legitimo matrimonio .

Ott.

You say right , venerable Doctor . And , nascitur ex co , quod per coniugium duae personae efficiuntur vna caro —

Mor.

Hey-day , now they beginne .

Cut.

I conceiue you , Master Parson . Ita per fornicationem aeque est verus pater , qui sic generat —

Ott.

Et vere filius qui sic generatur —

Mor.

What 's all this to me ?

Cle.

Now it growes warme .

Cut.

The twelfth , and last is , si forte coire nequibis .

Ott.

I , that is impedimentum grauissimum . It doth vtterly annull , and annihilate , that . If you haue manifestam frigiditatem , you are well , Sir .

Tru.

Why , there is comfort come at length , Sir . Confesse your selfe but a man vnable , and shee will sue to be diuorc'd first .

Ott.

I , or if there be morbus perpetuus , & insanabilis , as Paralysis , Elephantiasis , or so —

Daup.

O , but frigiditas is the fairer way , Gentlemen .

Ott.

You say troth , Sir , and as it is in the Canon Master Doctor .

Cut.

I conceiue you , Sir .

Cle.

Before he speakes .

Ott.

That a Boy , or child , vnder yeeres , is not fit for marriage , because he cannot reddere debitum . So your omnipotentes —

Tru.

Your impotentes , you whorson Lobster .

Ott.

Your impotentes , I should say , are minime apti ad contrahenda matrimonium .

Tru.

Matrimonium ? We shall haue most vn-matrimoniall Latin , with you : Matrimonia , and be hang'd .

Doup.

You put 'hem out , man .

Cut.

But then there will arise a doubt , Master Parson , in our Case , post Matrimonium : that frigiditate praeditus ( doe you conceiue me , Sir ? )

Ott.

Very well , Sir .

Cut.

Who cannot vti vxore pro vxore , may habere cam pro sorore .

Ott.

Absurd , absurd , absurd , and meerly Apostaticall .

Cut.

You shall pardon me , Master Parson , I can proue it .

Ott.

You can prooue a Will , Master Doctor , you can prooue nothing else . Do's not the Verse of your owne Caxan say , Haec socianda vetant connubia , facta retractant —

Cut.

I grant you , but how doe they retractare , Master Parson ?

Mor.

( O , this was it , I fear'd . )

Ott.

In aeternum , Sir .

Cut.

That 's false in Diuinitie , by your fauour .

Ott.

'T is false in humanitie , to say so . Is hee not prorsus inutilis ad Thorum ? Can he praestare fidem datam ? I would faine know .

Cut.

Yes : how if he doe conualere ?

Ott.

He cannot connulere , it is impossible .

Tru.

Nay , good Sir , attend the learned men , they 'll thinke you neglect 'hem else .

Cut.

Or , if he doe simulare himselfe frigidum , odio vxoris , or so ?

Ott.

I say , he is adulter manifestus , then .

Daup.

( They dispute it very learnedly , yfaith . )

Ott.

And prostitutor vxoris , and this is positiue .

Mor.

Good Sir , let me escape .

Tru.

You will not doe me that wrong , Sir ?

Ott.

And therefore , if he be manifeste frigidus , Sir —

Cut.

I , if he be manifeste frigidus , I grant you —

Ott.

Why , that was my conclusion .

Cut.

And mine too .

Tru.

Nay , heare the conclusion , Sir .

Ott.

Then frigiditatis causa —

Cut.

Yes , causa frigiditatis —

Mor.

O , mine eares !

Ott.

She may haue libellum diuortij , against you .

Cut.

I , diuorty libellum she will sure haue .

Mor.

Good Eccho's , forbeare .

Ott.

If you confesse it .

Cut.

Which I would doe , Sir —

Mor.

I will doe any thing —

Ott.

And cleere my selfe in Foro Conscientiae —

Cut.

Because you want indeed —

Mor.

Yet more ?

Ott.

Exercende potestate .

Act V. Scene IIII . Epicoene , Morose , Haughty , Centaure , Mauis , Mistris Otter , Daw , Tru-wit , Dauphine , Clerimont , La-Foole , Otter , Cutherd .

I Wil not endure it any longer . Ladies , I beseech you helpe me . This is such a wrong , as neuer was offer'd to poore Bride before . Vpon her Marriage day , to haue her Husband conspire against her , and a couple of Mercinary Companions , to be brought in for formes sake , to perswade a Separation ! If you had bloud , or vertue in you , Gentlemen , you would not suffer such Eare-wigs about a Husband , or Scorpions , to creepe betweene Man and Wife —

Mor.

O , the varietie , and changes of my torment !

Hau.

Let 'hem bee cudgell'd out of doores , by our Groomes .

Cen.

I 'll lend you my Foot-man .

Mau.

Wee 'll haue our men blanket 'hem i' the Hall .

Mrs. Ot.

As there was one , at our House , Madame , for peeping in at the doore .

Daw .

Content , yfaith .

Tru.

Stay , Ladies , and Gentlemen , you 'll heare , before u proceed ?

Mau.

I 'lld ha' the Bride-groome blanketted , too .

Cen.

Begin with him first .

Hau.

Yes , by my troth .

Mor.

O , Mankind Generation !

Daup.

Ladies , for my sake forbeare .

Hau.

Yes , for Sir Dauphines sake .

Cen.

He shall command vs .

La-F.

Hee is as fine a Gentleman of his inches , Madame , as any is about the Towne , and weares as good colours when he lift .

Tru.

Bee briefe , Sir , and confesse your infirmitie , shee 'll be a-fire to be quit of you , if she but heare that nam'd once , you shall not entreat her to stay . Shee 'll flye you , like one that had the markes vpon him .

Mor.

Ladies , I must craue all your pardons —

Tru.

Silence , Ladies .

Mor.

For a wrong I haue done to your whole sexe , in marrying this faire , and vertuous Gentlewoman —

Cle.

Heare him , good Ladies .

Mor.

Being guiltie of an infirmitie , which before I conferr'd with these learned men , I thought I might haue conceald —

Tru.

But now being better inform'd in his conscience by them , hee is to declare it , and giue satisfaction , by asking your publique forgiuenesse .

Mor.

I am no man , Ladies .

All .

How !

Mor.

Vtterly vn-abled in nature , by reason of frigiditie , to performe the duties , or any the least office of a Husband .

Mau.

Now , out vpon him , prodigious creature !

Cen.

Bride-groome vncarnate .

Hau.

And would you offer it to a yong Gentlewoman ?

Mrs. Ot.

A Lady of her longings ?

Epi.

Tut , a deuice , a deuice , this , it smels rankly , Ladies . A mere comment of his owne .

Tru.

Why , if you suspect that , Ladies , you may haue him search'd .

Daw .

As the custome is , by a Iurie of Physitians .

La-F.

Yes faith , 't will be braue .

Mor.

O me , must I vndergoe that !

Mrs. Ot.

No , let women search him , Madame : wee can doe it our selues .

Mor.

Our on me , worse !

Epi.

No Ladies , you shall not need , I 'll take him with all his faults .

Mor.

Worst of all !

Cle.

Why , then 't is no Diuorce , Doctor , if shee consent not ?

Cut.

No , if the man be frigidus , it is de parte vxoris , that we grant Libellum diuorty , in the Law .

Ott.

I , it is the same in Theologie .

Mor.

Worse , worse then worst !

Tru.

Nay , Sir , be not vtterly dis-heartned , wee haue yet a small relike of hope left , as neare as our comfort is blowne out . Clerimont , produce your brace of Knights . What was that , Master Parson , you told me in errore qualitatis e'ne now ? Dauphine , whisper the Bride , that she carry it as if she were guiltie , and asham'd .

Ott.

Mary Sir , in errore qualitatis ( which Master Doctor did forbeare to vrge ) if she be found corupta , that is , vitiated or broken vp , that was pro virgine desponsa , espous'd for a Maid —

Mor.

What then , Sir ?

Ott.

It doth dirimere contractum , and irritum reddere too .

Tru.

If this bee true , wee are happy againe , Sir , once more . Here are an honourable brace of Knights , that shall affirme so much .

Daw .

Pardon vs , good Master Clerimont .

La-F.

You shall excuse vs , Master Clerimont .

Cle.

Nay , you must make it good now , Knights , there is no remedie , I 'll eate no words for you , nor no men : you know you spoke it to me ?

Daw .

Is this Gentleman-like-like , Sir ?

Tru.

Iack Daw , hee 's worse then Sir Amorous : fiercer a great deale . Sir Amorous , beware , there bee tenne Dawes in this Clerimont .

La-F.

I 'll confesse it , Sir .

Daw .

Will you , Sir Amorous ? will you wound reputation ?

La-F.

I am resolu'd .

Tru.

So should you be too , Iack Daw : what should keep you off ? shee is but a woman , and in disgrace . Hee 'll bee glad on 't .

Daw .

Will he ? I thought he would ha' beene angry .

Cle.

You will dispatch , Knights , it must bee done , yfaith .

Tru.

Why , an' it must it shall , Sir , they say . They 'll ne're goe backe . Doe not tempt his patience .

Daw .

It is true indeed , Sir .

La-F.

Yes , I assure you , Sir .

Mor.

What is true Gentlemen ? what doe you assure me ?

Daw .

That we haue knowne your Bride , Sir —

La-F.

In good fashion . Shee was our Mistris , or so —

Cle.

Nay , you must bee plaine , Knights , as you were to mee .

Ott.

I , the question is , if you haue carnaliter , or no .

La-F.

Carnaliter ? what else , Sir ?

Ott.

It is enough : a plaine nullitie .

Epi.

I am vn-done , I am vn-done !

Mor.

O , let me worship and adore you , Gentlemen !

Epi.

I am vndone !

Mor.

Yes , to my hand , I thanke these Knights : Master Parson , let me thanke you otherwise .

Cen.

And , ha' they confess'd ?

Mau.

Now out vpon 'hem , Informers !

Tru.

You see , what creatures you may bestow your fauours on , Madames .

Hau.

I would except against 'hem as beaten Knights , Wench , and not good Witnesses in Law .

Mrs. Ot.

Poore Gentlewoman , how she takes it !

Hau.

Be comforted , Morose , I loue you the better for 't .

Cen.

So doe I , I protest .

Cut.

But Gentlemen , you haue not knowne her , since matrimonium ?

Daw .

Not to day , Master Doctor .

La F.

No , Sir , not to day .

Cut.

Why , then I say , for any act before , the matrimonium is good and perfect : vnlesse , the worshipfull Bridegroome did precisely , before witnesse demand , if shee were virgo ante nuptias .

Epi.

No , that he did not , I assure you , Master Doctor .

Cut.

If he cannot proue that , it is ratum coniugium , notwithstanding the premises . And they doe no way impedire . And this is my Sentence , this I pronounce .

Ott.

I am of Master Doctors resolution too , Sir : if you made not that demand , ante nuptias .

Mor.

O my heart ! wilt thou breake ? wilt thou breake ? this is worst of all worst worsts ! that Hell could haue deuis'd ! Marry a Whore ! and so much noise !

Daup.

Come , I see now plaine confederacie in this Doctor , and this Parson , to abuse a Gentleman . You studie his affliction . I pray' bee gone companions . And Gentlemen , I begin to suspect you for hauing parts with 'hem . Sir , will it please you heare me ?

Mor.

O , doe not talke to me , take not from me the pleasure of dying in silence , Nephew .

Daup.

Sir , I must speake to you . I haue beene long your poore despis'd Kins-man , and many a hard thought has strength'ned you against me : but now it shall appeare if either I loue you or your peace , and preferre them to all the World beside . I will not be long or grieuous to you , Sir . If I free you of this vnhappy match absolutely , and instantly after all this trouble , and almost in your despaire , now —

Mor.

( It cannot be . )

Daup.

Sir , that you bee neuer troubled with a murmure of it more , what shall I hope for , or deserue of you ?

Mor.

O , what thou wilt , Nephew ! thou shalt deserue me , and haue me .

Daup.

Shall I haue your fauour perfect to mee , and loue hereafter ?

Mor.

That , and any thing beside . Make thine owne conditions . My whole estate is thine . Manage it , I will become thy Ward .

Daup.

Nay , Sir , I will not be so vnreasonable .

Epi.

Will Sir Dauphine be mine enemie too ?

Daup.

You know , I haue beene a long Suter to you , Vncle , that out of your estate , which is fifteen hundred a yeere , you would allow me but fiue hundred during life , and assure the rest vpon mee after : to which I haue often , by my selfe and friends tendred you a writing to signe , which you would neuer consent , or incline too . If you please to effect it now —

Mor.

Thou shalt haue it , Nephew . I will doe it , and more .

Daup.

If I quit you not presently ? and for-euer of this cumber , you shall haue power instantly , afore all these , to reuoke your act , and I will become , whose Slaue you will giue me to , for-euer .

Mor.

Where is the Writing ? I will seale to it , that , or to a Blanke , and write thine owne conditions .

Epi.

O me , most vnfortunate wretched Gentlewoman !

Hau.

Will Sir Dauphine doe this ?

Epi.

Good Sir , haue some compassion on me .

Mor.

O , my Nephew knowes you belike : away Crocodile .

Cen.

He do's it not sure , without good ground .

Daup.

Here , Sir .

Mor.

Come Nephew : giue me the Pen . I will subscribe to any thing , and seale to what thou wilt , for my deliuerance . Thou art my restorer . Here , I deliuer it thee as my Deed . If there bee a word in it lacking , or writ with false Orthographie , I protest before — I will not take the aduantage .

Daup.

Then here is your release , 〈…〉 Sir : you haue marryed a Boy : a Gentlemans sonne , that I haue brought vp this halfe yeere , at my great charges , and for this composition , which I haue now made with you . What say you , Master Doctor ? this is iustum impedimentum , I hope , error personae ?

Ott.

Yes Sir , in primo gradu .

Cut.

In primo graou .

Daup.

He puls off their beards , and disguise . I thanke you , good Doctor Cutberd , and Parson Otter . You are beholden to 'hem , Sir , that haue taken this paines for you : and my friend , Master Tru-wit , who enabled 'hem for the businesse . Now you may goe in and rest , be as priuate as you will , Sir . I 'll not trouble you , till you trouble me with your Funerall , which I care not how soone it come . Cutberd , I 'll make your Lease good . Thanke me not , but with your legge , Cutberd . And Tom Otter , your Princesse shall be reconcil'd to you . How now , Gentlemen ! doe you looke at me ?

Cle.

A Boy .

Daup.

Yes , Mistris Epicoene .

Tru.

Well , Dauphine , you haue lurch'd your friends of the better halfe of the Garland , by concealing this part of the plot : but much good doe it thee , thou deseru'st it , Lad . And Clerimont , for thy vnexpected bringing in these two to confession , weare my part of it freely . Nay , Sir Daw , and Sir La-Foole , you see the Gentlewoman that has done you the fauours ! we are all thankfull to you , and so should the woman-kind here , specially for lying on her , though not with her ! You meant so , I am sure ? But , that wee haue stuck it vpon you to day , in your owne imagin'd persons , and so lately ; this Amazon , the Champion of the sexe , should beat you now thriftily , for the common slanders , which Ladies receiue from such Cuckowes , as you are . You are they , that when no merit or fortune can make you hope to enioy their bodies , will yet lye with their reputations , and make their fame suffer . Away you common Moths of these , and all Ladies honours , Goe , trauaile to make legges and faces , and come home with some new matter to be laught at : you deserue to liue in an Ayre as corrupted , as that wherewith you feed rumour . Madames , you are mute , vpon this new Metamorphosis ! but here stands she , that has vindicated your fames . Take heed of such insectae hereafter . And let it not trouble you that you haue discouer'd any Mysteries to this yong Gentleman . He is ( a'most ) of yeeres , and will make a good Visitant within this twelue-month . In the meane time , wee 'l all vndertake for his secrecie , that can speake so well of his silence . Spectators , if you like this Comoedie , rise cheerfully , and now Morose is gone in , clap your hands . It may bee , that noyse will cure him , at least please him .

THE END
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Ord'narie● will last ; but you shall eate A weeke at Ord'naries , on his broken meate : If his Muse be true Hau●boyes Trumpet should fright him terribly , or the Hau'boyes ? emient that continence in a Barber hee thinkes so eminent a vertue , as it has made him chiefe of p●ay I pray thee , Dauphine , let's goe thether . Wind-fucker Did you euer heare such a wind-sucker , as this ? F●shes Master Morose ? is your name , Master Morose ? Fishes ! Pythagoreans all ! this is strange ! What otherwsse Yes faith ; and thou shouldst hope otherwise , I should repent me : this Horne got mee courtesic doe not put on this strange face to pay my courtesie : off with this Visor . Haue good turnes instifier Away thou strange iustifier of thy selfe , to bee wiser then thou wert t●at euer had my breeding in Court : and shee that shall be my Wife , must be accomplished sortnight ; praecede all the Dames at Court , by a fortnight ; haue her Counsell of Taylors , Linneners Sirkts , for that Bodies , these Sleeues , those Skirts , this Cut , that Stitch , this Embroydery Clcrimont Tru-wit , Dauphine , Clerimont , Cutberd . Whitsonti●e-Veluet-Cap Shrouetuesday ! I would haue you get your Whitsontide-Veluet-Cap , and your staffe i'your hand , to entertaine Sut or Wherein Gentlemen ? let mee be a Sutor to you to know , I beseech you ! stēep'd Religion , and feare . Those delights are to bee steep'd in the humor , and silence of the night Mufique open pleasures , and iollities of Feast , of Musique , of Reuels , of Discourse : wee'll haue Geutlewoman ; what comfort , or hope , can this faire Gentlewoman make to her selfe hereafter , in the consideration Ladishis House is yours . I know , it hath beene your ladiships errand , into the Citie , at other times so berly And how soberly Dauphine labours to satisfie him , that Sadiers crosse-beame o' the roofe , like him o' the Sadlers Horse in Fleetstreet , vp-right : and hee thaa number i' the voyce : they are Gentlenesses , that oft-times draw no lesse then the face . m●n see , and to be seene . In these places a man shall find whome to loue , whome to play ●hem hearts wee should sollicite them . Prayse them , flatter . 'hem , you shall neuer want Cheap-siae the Countrey , though you bought 'hem in Cheap-side . Admire her Tyres ; like her in all fashions bibe●dum . Sound Tritons o' the Thames . Nunc est bibendum , nunc pede libero — Cenraure Mistris Otter , Mauis , Daw , La-Foole , Centaure , Epicoene , Tru-wit , Clerimont . manago Looke how you manage him at first , you shall haue him euer after decelu'd Say you so , Sir Iohn ? I thinke you are deceiu'd : you tooke it vpon trust . Cuelphes will I act such a Tragi-comoedy betweene the Guelphes , and the Ghibellines , Daw and La-Foole fileds assure you . He and I parted now , as good friends as could be . doeths many men in my time vex'd with losses , with deaths , and with abuses , but so offended a Wight centempts behind your back ; with such threatnings and contempts — Hee said to Dauphine , you were the errandst f●om demanded the cause , wee can force no answere from him , but ( ô reuenge , how sweete art thou bee perhaps blow vp the corner o'the house where hee suspects you are . Here he comes , in quickly ha●●g what will you doe ? before God , you shall hang no petar de here . I'll dye rather Will daftard feares the brauest : the other a whiniling dastard , Iack Daw : but La-Foole , a braue heroique publ●sh hee should grow insolent vpon this , and publish it hereafter to your disgrace ( which I IAssure I Assure you , Sir Dauphine , it is the price meelike 'Slight , they haunt mee like Fayries , and giue mee Iewels here ballauce themselues . I would not giue a Flyes legge , in ballance against all the womens reputations here ar●iue me into circumstances . Let your comforts arrive quickly at me , those that are . Be swift id was a Godfather , I neuer was a God-father in my life , Sir . Passe to the next . wanc Because you want indeed — uproceed Ladies , and Gentlemen , you'll heare , before u proceed ? aisguise He puls off their beards , and disguise .
A04658 ---- The New Inn Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04658 of text S109237 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14780). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Hannah Bredar This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04658.xml The nevv inne. Or, The light heart. A comoedy. As it was neuer acted, but most negligently play'd, by some, the Kings Seruants. And more squeamishly beheld, and censured by others, the Kings subiects. 1629. Now, at last, set at liberty to the readers, his Maties seruants, and subiects, to be iudg'd. 1631. By the author, B. Ionson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 63 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844887 STC (2nd ed.) 14780. Greg, II, 442(a). 9739 A04658

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 The nevv inne. Or, The light heart. A comoedy. As it was neuer acted, but most negligently play'd, by some, the Kings Seruants. And more squeamishly beheld, and censured by others, the Kings subiects. 1629. Now, at last, set at liberty to the readers, his Maties seruants, and subiects, to be iudg'd. 1631. By the author, B. Ionson. New inne New inne. Or, The light heart. Light heart. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [120] p. Printed by Thomas Harper, for Thomas Alchorne, and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Church-yeard, at the signe of the greene Dragon, London : MDCXXXI. [1631] 1629

Partly in verse.

Signatures: (*) A2 B-G (G7 || H2).

The last leaf is blank.

Reproduction of the original in the British Library.

 A04658 shc The New Inn, or The Light Heart Jonson, Ben Hannah Bredar 1629 play comedy shc no A04658 S109237 (STC 14780). 33057 3 0 0 0000.91B The rate of 0.91 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

THE NEVV INNE OR , The light Heart .

A COMOEDY . As it was neuer acted , but most negligently play'd , by some , the Kings Seruants . And more squeamishly beheld , and censured by others , the Kings Subiects . 1629 .

Now , at last , set at liberty to the Readers , his Maties Seruants , and Subiects , to be iudg'd . 1631 .

By the Author , B. Ionson . Hor. .... me lectori credere mallem : Quam spectatoris fastidia ferre superbi .

LONDON , Printed by Thomas Harper , for Thomas Alchorne , and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Church-yeard , at the signe of the greene Dragon . MDCXXXI .

THE DEDICATION , TO THE READER .

IF thou bee such , I make thee my Patron , and dedicate the Piece to thee : If not so much , would I had bene at the charge of thy better litterature . How-so-euer , if thou canst but spell , and ioyne my sense ; there is more hope of thee , then of a hundred fastidious impertinents , who were there present the first day , yet neuer made piece of their prospect the right way . What did they come for , then ? thou wil't aske me . I will as punctually answer : To see , and to bee seene . To make a generall muster of themselues in their clothes of credit : and possesse the Stage , against the Play . To dislike all , but marke nothing . And by their confidence of rising between the Actes , in oblique lines , make affidauit to the whole house , of their not vnderstanding one Scene . Arm'd , with this praeiudice , as the Stage-furniture , or Arrasclothes , they were there , as Spectators , away . For the faces in the hangings , and they beheld alike . So I wish , they may doe euer . And doe trust my selfe , and my Booke , rather to thy rusticke candor , than all the pompe of their pride , and solemne ignorance , to boote . Fare thee well , and fall too . Read

BEN IONSON . But , first
THE ARGVMENT .

THe Lord FRAMPVL , a noble Gentleman , well educated , and bred a Schollar , in Oxford , was married yong , to a vertuous Gentlewoman , Sylly's daughter of the South , whose worth ( though he truly enioy'd ) hee neuer could rightly value ; but , as many greene Husbands ( giuen ouer to their extrauagant delights , and some peccant humors of their owne ) occasion'd in his ouer louing wife , so deepe a melancholy , by his leauing her in the time of her lying in , of her second daughter , shee hauing brought him only two daughters , Frances , and Laetitia : and ( out of her hurt fancy ) interpreting that to bee a cause of her husbands couldnesse in affection , her not being blest with a sonne , tooke a resolution with her selfe , after her months time , and thanksgiuing ritely in the Church , to quit her home , with a vow neuer to returne , till by reducing her Lord , she could bring a wish'd happinesse to the family .

He , in the meane time returning , and hearing of this departure of his Lady , began , though ouer-late , to resent the iniury he had done her : and out of his cockbraind resolution , entred into as solemne a quest of her . Since when , neither of them had beene heard of . But the eldest daughter Frances , by the title of Lady Frampul , enioyed the state , her sister being lost yong , and is the sole relict of the family .

Act 1. Here begins our Comoedy .

This Lady , being a braue , bountifull Lady , and enioying this free , and plentifull estate , hath an ambitious disposition to be esteemed the Mistresse of many seruants , but loues none . And hearing of a famous new-Inne , that is kept by a merry Host , call'd Good-stock , in Barnet , inuites some Lords , and Gentlemen to wait on her thither , as well to see the fashions of the place , as to make themselues merry , with the accidents on the by . It happens , there is a melancholique Gentleman , one Master Lovel , hath beene lodg'd there some dayes before in the Inne , who ( vnwilling to be seene ) is surpriz'd by the Lady , and inuited by Prudence , the Ladies Chamber-maid , who is elected Gouernesse of the Sports , in the Inne , for that day , and instal'd their Soueraigne Lovel is perswaded by the Host , and yeelds to the Ladies inuitation , which concludes the first Act. Hauing reueal'd his quality before , to the Host .

In the second Act .

Prudence , and her Lady expresse their anger conceiu'd , at the Taylor , who had promised to make Prudence a new suite , and bring it home , as on the Eue , against this day . But , hee failing of his word , the Lady had commanded a standard of her owne best apparrell to bee brought downe : and Prudence is so fitted . The Lady being put in mind , that shee is there alone without other company of women , borrowes ( by the aduice of Pru ) the Hosts sonne of the house , whom they dresse with the Hosts consent , like a Lady , and send out the Coachman , with the empty Coach , as for a kinswoman of her Ladiships , Mistresse Laetitia Sylly , to beare her company : Who attended with his Nurse , an old chare-woman in the Inne , drest odly by the Hosts councell , is beleeued to be a Lady of quality , and so receiu'd , entertain'd , and loue made to her , by the yong Lord Beaufort , &c : In the meane time , the Fly of the Inne is discouer'd to Colonell Glorious , with the Militia of the house , below the stayres , in the Drawer , Tapster , Chamberlaine , and Hostler , inferiour officers , with the Coachman Trundle , Ferret , &c. And , the preparation is made , to the Ladies designe vpon Lovel , his vpon her , and the Soueraignes vpon both .

Here begins , at the third Act , the Epitasis , or businesse of the Play .

Lovel , by the dexterity , and wit of the Soueraigne of the Sports , Prudence ; hauing two houres assigned him , of free colloquy , and loue-making to his Mistresse , one , after Dinner , the other after Supper ; The Court being set , is demanded by the Lady Frampul , what Loue is ? as doubting if there were any such power , or no . To whom , hee first by definition , and after by argument answeres , prouing , and describing the effects . of Loue , so vively , as she , who had derided the name of Loue before , hearing his discourse , is now so taken both with the Man , and his matter , as shee confesseth her selfe enamour'd of him , and , but for the ambition shee hath to enioy the other houre , had presently declar'd her selfe : which giues both him , and the spectators occasion to thinke she yet dissembles , notwithstanding the payment of her kisse , which hee celebrates . And the Court dissolues , vpon a newes brought , of a new Lady , a newer Coach , and a new Coachman call'd Barnaby .

Act 4.

The house being put into a noyse , with the rumor of this new Lady , and there being drinking below in the court , the Colonel , Sir Glorious , with Bat : Burst , a broken Citizen , and Hodge Huffle his champion ; she fals into their hands , and being attended but with one footman , is vnciuilly entreated by them , and a quarrell commenc'd , but is rescued by the valour of Lovel ; which beheld by the Lady Frampul , from the window , shee is inuited vp , for safety , where comming , and conducted by the Host , her gowne is first discouer'd to bee the same with the whole suite , which was bespoken for Pru : and she her selfe , vpon examination , found to be Pinnacia Stuffe , the Taylors wife , who was wont to be preocupied in all his Customers best clothes , by the footman her husband . They are both condem'd , and censur'd , shee stript like a Doxey , and sent home a foote . In the interim , the second houre goes on , and the question , at sute of the Lady Frampul , is chang'd from loue to valour ; which ended , he receiues his second kisse , and by the rigor of the Soueraigne , fals into a fit of melancholy , worse , or more desperate then the first .

The fifth , and last Act is the Catastrophe , or knitting vp of all , where Fly brings word to the Host , of the Lord Beauforts being married priuately in the new stable , to the suppos'd Lady , his sonne ; which the Host receiues as an omen of mirth . But complaines , that Lovel is gon to bed melancholique , when Prudence appeares drest in the new suit applauded by her Lady , and employd to retriue Louel . The Host encounters them , with this relation of L. Beauforts mariage , which is seconded by the L. Latimer , and all the seruants of the house . In this while , L. Beaufort comes in , and professes it , calls for his bed , and bride-bowle , to be made ready , the Host forbids both , shewes whom hee hath married , and discouers him to be his sonne , a boy . The Lord Bridegrome confounded , the Nurse enters like a franticke bed lem , cries out on Flie , sayes shee is vndone , in her daughter , who is confessed to be the Lord Frampuls child , sister to the other Lady , the Host to be their Father . She his wife . He finding his children , bestows them one on Louel , the other on the Lord Beaufort , the Inne vpon Flie , who had beene a Gipsey with him , offers a portion with Prudence , for her wit , which is refused ; and she taken , by the Lord Latimer , to wife ; for the crowne of her vertue , and goodnesse . And all are contented .

The Scene BARNET . The PERSONS of the PLAY . With some short Characterisme of the chiefe Actors .

Good-stocke , the Host ( playd well ) alias , the Lord Frampul . He pretends to be a Gentleman , and a Scholer , neglected by the times , turnes Host , and keepes an Inne , the Signe of the light Heart , in Barnet : is supposed to haue one onely Sonne , but is found to haue none , but two Daughters , Francis , and Laetitia , who was lost yong . &c.

Louel . A compleat Gentleman , a Souldier , and a Scholer , is a melancholy Guest in the Inne . first quarreld , after , much honor'd , and belou'd by the Host . He is knowne to haue beene Page , to the old Lo. Beaufort , follow'd him in the French warres , after a companion of his studies , and left Guardian to his sonne . Hee is assisted in his loue to the Lady Frampul , by the Host , and the Chambermayd , Prudence . He was one , that acted well too .

Ferret . Who is also called Stote , and Vermin , is Lovels seruant , a fellow of a quick , nimble wit , knowes the manners and affections of people , and can make profitable , and timely discoueries of them .

Franke . Suppos'd a boy , and the Hosts sonne , borrowed to be drest for a Lady , and set vp as a stale by Prudence , to catch Beaufort , or Latimer , prooues to be Laetitia , sister to Frances , and Lord Frampuls yonger daughter , stolne by a begger-woman , shorne , put into boyes apparrell , sold to the Host , and brought vp by him as his sonne .

Nurse . A poore chare-woman in the Inne , with one eye , that tends the boy , is thought the Irish begger that sold him , but is truly the Lady Frampul ; who left her home melancholique , and iealous that her Lord lou'd her not , because she brought him none but daughters , and liues , vnknowne to her husband , as he to her .

Frances . Supposed the Lady Frampul , being reputed his sole daughter , and heire , the Barony descending vpon her , is a Lady of great fortunes , and beauty , but phantasticall : thinks nothing a felicity , but to haue a multitude of seruants , and be call'd Mistresse by them , comes to the Inne to be merry , with a Chambermaid only , and her Seruants her ghests , &c.

Prudence . The Chamber-maid , is elected Soueraigne of the Sports in the Inne , gouernes all , commands , and so orders , as the Lord Latimer is exceedingly taken with her , and takes her to his wife , in conclusion .

Lord Latimer and Lord Beaufort , are a paire of yong Lords , seruants and ghests to the Lady Frampul , but as Latimer fall's enamour'd of Prudence , so doth Beaufort on the boy , the Hosts sonne , set vp for Laetitia , the yonger sister , which shee prooues to bee indeed .

Sir Glorious Tipto . A Knight , and Colonell , hath the luck to thinke well of himselfe , without a riuall , talkes gloriously of any thing , but very seldome is in the right . He is the Ladies ghest , and her seruant too ; but this day vtterly neglects his seruice , or that him . For he is so enamour'd on the Fly of the Inne , and the Militia below stayres , with Hodge Huffle , and Bat : Burst , ghests that come in , and Trundle , Barnabe , &c. as no other society relisheth with him .

Fly . Is the Parasite of the Inne , visiter generall of the house , one that had beene a strolling Gipsee , but now is reclam'd , to be Inflamer of the reckonings .

Peirce . The Drawer , knighted by the Colonel , stil'd Sir Pierce , and yong Anone , one of the chiefe of the infantery .

Iordan . The Chamberlaine , Another of the Militia , & an officer commands the Tertia of the Beds .

Iug . The Tapster , a Through-fare of Newes .

Peck . The Hostler .

Bat : Burst . A broken Citizen , an in and in man .

Hodge Huffle . A cheater , his champion .

Nick Stuffe . The Ladies Taylor .

Pinnacia Stuffe . His wife .

Trundle . A Coachman .

Barnabe . A hir'd Coachman .

Staggers . The Smith . Only talk'd on .

Tree . The Sadler .

The Prologue . YOu are welcome , welcome all , to the new Inne ; Though the old house , we hope our cheare will win Your acceptation : we ha' the same Cooke , Still , and the fat , who sayes , you sha' not looke Long , for your bill of fare , but euery dish Be seru'd in , i' the time , and to your wish : If any thing be set to a wrong taste , 'T is not the meat , there , but the mouth 's displac'd , Remoue but that sick palat , all is well . For this , the secure dresser badd me tell , Nothing more hurts iust meetings , then a croud ; Or , when the expectation 's growne too loud : That the nice stomack , would ha' this or that , And being ask'd , or vrg'd , it knowes not what : When sharpe , or sweet , haue beene too much a feast , And both out liu'd the palate of the ghest . Beware to bring such appetites to the stage , They doe confesse a weake , sick , queasie age , And a shrew'd grudging too of ignorance , When clothes and faces 'boue the men aduance : Heare for your health , then , But at any hand , Before you iudge , vouchsafe to vnderstand , Concoct , digest : if then , it doe not hit , Some are in a consumption of wit , Deepe , he dares say , he will not thinke , that all — For Hecticks are not epidemicall .
THE NEVV INNE .
Act 1.
Scene 1. Host . Ferret . I Am not pleas'd , indeed , you are i' the right ; Nor is my house pleas'd , if my signe could speake , The signe o' the light Heart . There , you may read it ; So may your master too , if he looke on 't . A heart weigh'd with a fether , and out weigh'd too : A brayne-child o' mine owne ! and I am proud on 't ! And if his worship thinke , here , to be melancholy , In spight of me or my wit , he is deceiu'd ; I will maintayne the Rebus 'gainst all humors , And all complexions i' the body of Man , That 's my word , or i' the Isle of Britaine ! You haue reason good mine host . Hos. Sir I haue rime too . Whether it be by chance or art , A heauy purse makes a light Heart . There 't is exprest ! first , by a purse of gold , A heauy purse , and then two Turtles , makes , A heart with a light stuck in 't , a light heart ! Old Abbot Islip could not inuent better , Or Prior Bolton with his bolt and Ton . I am an Innekeeper , and know my grounds , And study 'hem ; Brayne o'man , I study 'hem : I must ha' iouiall guests to driue my ploughs , And-whistling boyes to bring my haruest home , Or I shall heare no Flayles thwack . Here , your master , And you ha' beene this fornight , drawing fleas Out of my mattes , and pounding 'hem in cages Cut out of cards , & those rop'd round with pack-thred , Drawne thorow birdlime ! a fine subtilty ! Or poring through a multiplying glasse , Vpon a captiu'd crab-louse , or a cheese-mite To be dissected , as the sports of nature , With a neat Spanish needle ! Speculations That doe become the age , I doe consesse ! As measuring an Ants egges , with the Silke-wormes , By a phantastique instrument of thred , Shall giue you their iust difference , to a haire ! Or else recouering o'dead flyes , with crums ! ( Another queint conclusion i' the physicks ) Which I ha seene you busie at , through the key-hole - But neuer had the fate to see a flye — Ent. Louel . Aliue i' your cups , or once heard , drinke mine host , Or such a chearfull chirping charme come from you .
Act 1.
Scene 2. Lovet . Ferret . Host . What 's that ? what 's that ? Fer. A buzzing of mine About a flye ! a murmure that he has . Host. Sir I am telling your Stote here , Monsieur Ferret , host For that I heare 's his name ) and dare tell you , Sir , If you haue a minde to be melancholy , and musty , There 's Footmans Inne , at the townes end , the stockes , Or Carriers Place , at signe o' the broken Waine , Mansions of State ! Take vp your harbour there ; There are both flyes and fleas , and all variety Of vermine , for inspection , or dissection . Lov. We ha set our rest vp here , Sir , i' your Heart . Host. Sir set your heart at rest , you shall not doe it : vnlesse you can be iouiall . Brayne o'man , be iouiall first , and drinke , and dance , and drinke . Your lodging here , and wi'your daily dumps , Is a mere libell 'gayn' my house and me ; And , then , your scandalous commons . Lov. How mine host ? Host. Sir , they doe scandall me , vpo'the road , here A poore quotidian rack o'mutton , roasted , Drie , to be grated ! and that driuen downe VVith beare , and butter-milke , mingled together , Or clarified whey , instead of Claret ! It is against my free-hold , my inheritance , My Magna charta , Cor laetificat , To drinke such balderdash , or bonny clabbee ! Gi' me good wine , or catholique , or christian , Wine is the word , that glads the heart of man : And mine 's the house of wine , Sack , say's my bush , Be merry , and drinke Sherry ; that 's my poesie ! For I shall neuer ioy i' my light heart , So long as I conceiue a sullen ghest , Or any thing that 's earthy ! Lov. Humerous Host . Host. I care not if I be . Lov. But airy also , Not to defraud you of your rights , or trench Vpo'your priviledges , or great charter , ( For those are euery hostlers language now ) Say , you were borne beneath those smiling starres , Haue made you Lord , and owner of the Heart , Of the Light Heart in Barnet ; suffer vs Who are more Saturnine , t' enioy the shade Of your round roofe yet . Host. Sir I keepe no shades Nor shelters , I : for either Owles or Rere-mise .
Act 1.
Scene 3. Ferret . Host . Louel . He 'll make you a bird of night , Sir . Host. Blesse you child , You 'l make your selues such . Lov. ' 'That your son mine host ? En. Fra. to his child o' the by the Host speakes Host. He 's all the sonnes I haue Sir . Lov. Pretty boy ! Goes he to schoole ? Fer. O Lord , Sir , he prates Latine And 't were a parrat , or a play . boy . Lov. Thou — commend'st him fitly . Fer. To the pitch , he flies , Sir , hee 'l tell you what is Latine for a looking-glasse , beard-brush , rubber , or quick-warming pan . Lov. What 's that ? Fer. a wench , i' the Inn-phrase , is al these ; A looking-glasse in her eye , A beard-brush with her lips , A rubber with her hand , And a warming pan with her hips . Host. This , in your scurrile dialect . But my Inne Knowes no such language . F. That 's because , mine host , you doe professe the teaching him your selfe . Host. Sir , I doe teach him somewhat . By degrees , And with a funnell , I make shift to fill the narrow vessell , he is but yet , a bottell . Lov O let him lose no time , though . Hos. Sir , he do's not . Lov. And lesse his manners . Hos. I prouide for those , too . Come hither Franke , speake to the gentleman Latine : He is melancholy ; say , I long to see him merry , and so would treat him . Fra. Subtristis visu' es esse aliquantulùm patri , Qui te lautè excipere , etiam ac tractare gestit . Lov. Pulchro . Host. Tell him , I feare it bodes vs some ill luck , His too reseruednesse . Fra. Veretur pater , Ne quid nobis mali ominis apportet iste Nimis praeclusus vultus . Lov. Bellè . A fine child ! You wou'not part with him , mine host ? H. Who told you would not ? Lov. I but aske you . Hos. And I answere . To whom ? for what ? Lov. To me , to be my Page . Host. I know no mischiese yet the child hath done , To deserue such a destiny . Lov. Why ? Hos. Go down boy , And get your break-fast . Trust me , I had rather Take a faire halter , wash my hands , and hang him My selfe , make a cleane riddance of him : then . Lo. What ? Host. Then dam him to that desperate course of life . Lov. Call you that desperate , which by a line Of institution , from our Ancestors , Hath beene deriu'd downe to vs , and receiu'd In a succession , for the noblest way Of breeding vp our youth , in letters , armes , Faire meine , discourses , ciuill exercise , And all the blazon of a Gentleman ? Where can he learne to vault , to ride , to fence , To moue his body gracefuller ? to speake His language purer ? or to tune his minde , Or manners , more to the harmony of Nature Then , in these nourceries of nobility ? — Host. I that was , when the nourceries selfe , was noble And only vertue made it , not the mercate , That titles were not vented at the drum , Or common out-cry ; goodnesse gaue the greatnesse , And greatnesse worship : Euery house became An Academy of honour , and those parts — We see departed , in the practise , now , Quite from the institution . Lov. Why doe you say so ? Or thinke so enviously ? doe they not still Learne there , the Centaures skill , the art of Thrace , To ride ? or Pollux mystery , to fence ? The Pyrrhick gestures , both to dance , and spring In armour , to be actiue for the Warres ? To study figures , numbers , and proportions , May yeeld 'hem great in counsels , and the arts Graue Nestor , and the wise Vlysses practis'd ? To make their English sweet vpon their tongue ! As reu'rend Chaucer sayes ? Host. Sir you mistake , To play Sir Pandarus my copy hath it , And carry messages to Madam Cresside . instead of backing the braue Steed , o'mornings , To mount the Chambermaid ; and for a leape O' the vaulting horse , to ply the vaulting house : For exercise of armes , a bale of dice , Or two or three packs of cards , to shew the cheat , And nimblenesse of hand : mistake a cloake From my Lords back , and pawne it . Ease his pockets Of a superfluous Watch , or geld a iewell Of an odde stone , or so . Twinge three or foure buttons From off my Ladyes gowne . These are the arts , Or seuen liberall deadly sciences Of Pagery , or rather Paganisme , As the tides run . To which , if he apply him , He may , perhaps , take a degree at Tiburne , A yeare the earlier : come to read a lecture Vpon Aquinas at S. Thomas a Waterings , And so goe forth a Laureat in hempe circle ! Lov. Yo' are tart , mine host , and talke aboue your seasoning , Ore what you seeme : it should not come , me thinkes , Vnder your cap , this veine of salt , and sharpnesse ! These strikings vpon learning , now and then ? How long haue you , ( if your dul ghest may aske it , ) Droue this quick trade , of keeping the light-heart , Your Mansion , Palace here , or Hostelry . Host. Troth , I was borne to somewhat , Sir , aboue it . Lov. I easily suspect that : Mine host , your name . Hos. They call me Good-stock . Lov. Sir , and you confesse it , Both i' your language , treaty , and your bearing . Hos. Yet all , Sir , are not sonnes o' the white Hen ; Nor can we , as the Songster sayes , come all To be wrapt soft and warme in fortunes smock : When she is pleas'd to trick , or trompe mankinde : Some may be Cotes , as in the cards ; but , then Some must be knaues , some varlets , baudes , and ostlers , As aces , duizes , cards o'ten , to face it Out , i' the game , which all the world is . Lov. But , It being i' your free will ( as 't was ) to choose What parts you would sustaine , me thinkes , a man Of your sagacity , and cleare nostrill , should Haue made , another choise , then of a place So sordid , as the keeping of an Inne : Where euery Iouial Tinker , for his chinke , May cry , mine host , to crambe , giue vs drinke ; And doe not slinke , but skinke , or else you stinke . Rogue , Baud , and Cheater , call you by the surnames , And knowne Synonyma of your profession . Hos. But if I be no such ; who then 's the Rogue , In vnderstanding , Sir , I meane ? who erres ? Who tinkleth then ? or personates Thom. Tinker ? Your weazill here may tell you I talke baudy , And teach my boy it ; and you may beleeue him : But Sir at your owne peril , if I doe not : And at his too , if he doe lie , and affirme it . No slander strikes , lesse hurts , the innocent : If I be honest , and that all the cheat Be , of my selfe , in keeping this Light Heart , VVhere , I imagine all the world 's a Play ; The state , and mens affaires , all passages Of life , to spring new , scenes come in , goe out , And shift , and vanish ; and if I haue got A seat , to sit at ease here , i'mine Inne , To see the Comedy ; and laugh , and chuck At the variety , and throng of humors , And dispositions , that come iustling in , And out still , as they one droue hence another : VVhy , will you enuy me my happinesse ? Because you are sad , and lumpish ; carry a Loade stone I' your pocket , to hang kniues on ; or let-rings , T' entice light strawes to leape at 'hem : are not taken VVith the alacrities of an host ! 'T is more , And iustlier , Sir , my wonder , why you tooke My house vp , Fidlers Hall , the Seate of noyse , And mirth , an Inne here , to be drousie in , And lodge your lethargie in the Light Heart , As if some cloud from Court had beene your Harbinger , Or Cheape-side debt-Bookes , or some Mistresse charge , Seeing your loue grow corpulent , gi' it a dyet , By absence some , such mouldy passion ! Lo. 'T is guess'd vnhappily . Fe. Mine host , yo' are cal'd . H. I come , boyes . L. Ferret haue not you bin ploughing VVith this mad Oxe , mine host ? nor he with you ? Fer. For what Sir ? Lov. VVhy , to finde my riddle out . Fer. I hope , you doe beleeue , Sir , I can finde Other discourse to be at , then my Master With Hostes , and Host'lers . Lou. If you can , 't is well . Goe downe , and see , who they are come in , what ghests ; And bring me word .
Act. 1.
Scene 4. Lovel . O loue , what passion art thou ! So tyrannous ! and trecherous ! first t' en-slaue , And then betray , all that in truth do serue thee ! That not the wisest , nor the wariest creature , Can more dissemble thee , then he can beare Hot burning coales , in his bare palme , or bosome ! And lesse , conceale , or hide thee , then a flash Of enflam'd powder , whose whole light doth lay it Open , to all discouery , euen of those , Who haue but halfe an eye , and lesse of nose ! An Host , to find me ! who is , commonly , The log , a little o' this side the signe-post ! Or , at the best , some round growne thing ! a Iug , Fac'd , with a beard , that fills out to the ghests , And takes in , fro' the fragments o' their iestes ? But , I may wrong this , out of sullennes , Or my mis-taking humor ? Pray thee , phant'sie , Be lay'd , againe . And , gentle-Melancholy , Do not oppresse me . I will be as silent , As the tame louer should be , and as foolish .
Act 1.
Scene . 5. Host . Ferret . Louel . My Ghest , my Ghest , be Iouiall , I beseech thee . I' haue fresh golden ghests , ghests o' the game : Three coach-full ! Lords ! and Ladies ! new come in . And I will cry them to thee , and thee , to them , So I can spring a smile , but this brow , That like the rugged Roman Alderman , — Old master Grosse , surnam'd {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . Ent. Ferret . Was neuer seene to laugh , but at an Asse . Fer. Sir here 's the Lady Frampul . Lou. How ! Fer. And her train . Lord Beaufort , & Lord Latimer , the Coronel Tipto ' , with Mistris Cis , the Chamber-mayd : Trundle , the Coachman — Lou. Stop , discharge the house : And get my horses ready , bid the Groome Bring 'hem to the back gate . Hos. What meane you Sir ? Lou. To take faire leaue , mine Host . Hos. I hope , my Ghest , Though I haue talked somwhat aboue my share , At large , and bene i' the altitudes , th' extrauagants , Neither my selfe , nor any of mine haue gi'n you The cause , to quit my house , thus , on the sodaine , Lou. No , I affirme it , on my faith . Excuse me , From such a rudenes ; I was now beginning To tast , and loue you : and am heartily sory , Any occasion should be so compelling , To vrge my abrupt departure , thus . But — Necessity 's a Tyran , and commands it . Hos. She shall command me first to fire my bush ; Then breake vp house : Or , if that will not serue , To breake with all the world . Turne country bankrupt . I' mine owne towne , vpo' the Mercat-day , And be protested , for my butter , and egges , To the last bodge of oates , and bottle of hay ; Ere you shall leaue me , I will breake my heart : Coach , and Coach-horses , Lords , and Ladies pack ? All my fresh ghests shall stinke ! I 'le pul my signe , down Conuert mine Inne , to an Almes-house ! or a Spittle , For lazers , or switch-sellers ! Turne it , to An Academy o'rogues ! or gi' it away For a free-schoole , to breed vp beggers in , And send 'hem to the canting Vniuersities Before you leaue me . Lov. Troth , and I confesse , I am loath , mine host , to leaue you : your expressions Both take , and hold me . But , in case I stay , I must enioyne you and your whole family To priuacy , and to conceale me . For , The secret is , I would not willingly , See , or be seene , to any of this ging , Especially , the Lady . Hos. Braine o'man , What monster is she ? or Cocatrice in veluet , That kils thus ? Lov. O good words , mine host . She is A noble Lady ! great in blood ! and fortune ! Faire ! and a wit ! but of so bent a phant'sie , As she thinks nought a happinesse , but to haue A multitude of seruants ! and , to get them , ( Though she be very honest ) yet she venters Vpon these precipices , that would make her Not seeme so , to some prying , narrow natures . We call her , Sir , the Lady Frances Frampul , Daughter and heire to the Lord Frampul . Hos. Who ? He that did loue in Oxford , first , a student , And , after , married with the daughter of — Lo. Silly . Hos. Right , of whom the tale went , to turne Puppet-mr . Lov. And trauell with Yong Goose , the Motion-man . Hos. And lie , and liue with the Gipsies halfe a yeare Together , from his wife . Lo. The very same : The mad Lord Frampul ! And this same is his daughter ! But as cock-brain'd as ere the father was ! There were two of 'hem , Frances and Laetitiae ; But Laetice was lost yong ; and , as the rumor Flew then , the mother vpon it lost her selfe . A fond weake woman , went away in a melancholy , Because she brought him none but girles , she thought Her husband lou'd her not . And he , as foolish , Too late resenting the cause giu'n , went after ; In quest of her , and was not heard of since . Hos. A strange diuision of a familie ! Lov. And scattered , as i' the great confusion ! Hos. But yet the Lady , th' heire , enioyes the land . Lov. And takes all lordly wayes how to consume it As nobly as she can ; if cloathes , and feasting , And the authoriz'd meanes of riot will doe it . Ent. Fer. Host. She shewes her extract , and I honor her for it .
Act. 1.
Scene . 6 Ferret . Lovel . Host . Cicelie . Your horses Sir are ready ; and the house Dis - Lou. Pleas'd , thou thinkst ? Fer. I cannot tel , dischargd I 'am sure it is . Lou. Charge it again , good Ferret . And make vnready the horses : Thou knowst how . Chalke , and renew the rondels . I am , now Resolu'd to stay . Fer. I easily thought so , When you should heare what 's purpos'd . L. What ? Fer. To throw The house out o' the windo ? Host. Braine o'man , I shall ha' the worst o'th at ! will they not throw My houshold stuffe out , first ? Cushions , and Carpets , Chaires , stooles , & bedding ? is not their sport my ruine ? Lov. Feare not , mine host , I am not o' the fellowship . Fer. I cannot see , Sir , how you will auoid it ; They know already all , you are i' the house . Lov. Who know ? F. The Lords : they haue seene me , & enquir'd it . Lov. Why were you seene ? Fer Because indeed I had No med'cine , Sir , to goe inuisible : No Ferne-seed in my pocket ; Nor an Opal Wrapt in a Bay-leafe , i' my left fist , To charme their eyes with . H. He dos giue you reasons As round as Giges ring : which , say the Ancients , Was a hoop ring ; and that is , round as a hoop ! Lov. You will ha' your Rebus still , mine host . Hos. I must : Fer. My Lady , too , lookt out o' the windo , & cal'd me . And see where Secretary Pru. comes from her , Ent. Pru. Emploi'd vpon some Ambassy vnto you — Host. I le meet her , if she come vpon emploiment ; Faire Lady , welcome , as your host can make you . Pru. Forbeare , Sir , I am first to haue mine audience , Before the complement . This gentleman Is my addresse to . Host. And it is in state . Pru. My Lady , Sir , as glad o' the encounter To finde a seruant , here , and such a seruant , Whom she so values ; with her best respects , Desires to be remembred : and inuites Your noblenesse , to be a part , to day , Of the society , and mirth intended By her , and the yong Lords , your fellow-seruants . Who are alike ambitious of enioying The faire request ; and to that end haue sent Me , their imperfect Orator , to obtaine it : Which if I may , they haue elected me , And crown'd me , with the title of a soueraigne Of the dayes sports deuised i' the Inne , So you be pleas'd to adde your suffrage to it . Lov. So I be pleas'd , my gentle mistresse Prudence ? You cannot thinke me of that course condition , T' enuy you any thing . Host. That 's nobly say'd ! And like my ghest ! Lov. I gratulate your honor ; And should , with cheare , lay hold on any handle , That could aduance it . But for me to thinke , I can be any rag , or particle O' your Ladyes care , more then to fill her list , She being the Lady , that professeth still To loue no soule , or body , but for endes ; Which are her sports : And is not nice to speake this , But doth proclame it , in all companies : Her Ladiship must pardon my weake counsels , And weaker will , if it decline t' obay her . Pru. O master Louel you must not giue credit To all that Ladies publiquely professe , Or talke , o' th vollee , vnto their seruants . Their tongues and thoughts , oft times lie far asunder . Yet , when they please , they haue their cabinet-counsels And reserud thoughts , and can retire themselues As well as others . Host. I , the subtlest of vs ! Al that is borne within a Ladies lips — Pru. Is not the issue of their hearts , mine host . Hos. Or kisse , or drinke afore me . Pru. Stay , excuse me ; Mine errand is not done . Yet , if her Ladyships Slighting , or disesteeme , Sir , of your seruice , Hath formerly begot any distaste , Which I not know of : here , I vow vnto you , Vpon a Chambermaids simplicity , Reseruing , still , the honour of my Lady , I will be bold to hold the glasse vp to her , To shew her Ladyship where she hath err'd , And how to tender satisfaction : So you vouchsafe to proue , but the dayes venter . Ho. What say you , Sir ? where are you ? are you within ? Lov. Yes : I will waite vpon her , and the company . Hos. It is enough , Queene Prudence ; I will bring him : And , o'th is kisse . I long'd to kisse a Queene ! Lov. There is no life on earth , but being in loue ! There are no studies , no delights , no businesse , No entercourse , or trade of sense , or soule , But what is loue ! I was the laziest creature , The most vnprofitable signe of nothing , The veriest drone , and slept away my life Beyond the Dormouse , till I was in loue ! And , now , I can out-wake the Nightingale , Out-watch an vsurer , and out-walke him too , Stalke like a ghost , that haunted bout a treasure , And all that phant'si'd treasure , it is loue ! Host. But is your name Loue-ill , Sir , or Loue-well ? I would know that . Lov. I doe not know 't my selfe , Whether it is . But it is Loue hath beene The hereditary passion of our house , My gentle host , and , as I guesse , my friend ; The truth is , I haue lou'd this Lady long , And impotently , with desire enough , But no successe : for I haue still forborne To expresse it , in my person , to her . Hos. How then ? Lov. I ha' sent her toyes , verses , and Anagram's , Trials o' wit , mere trifles she has commended , But knew not whence they came , nor could she guesse . Host. This was a pretty ridling way of wooing ! Lov. I oft haue bene , too , in her company ; And look'd vpon her , a whole day ; admird her ; Lou'd her , and did not tell her so ; lou'd still , Look'd still , and lou'd : and lou'd , and look'd , and sigh'd ; But , as a man neglected , I came of , And vnregarded — Host. Could you blame her , Sir , When you were silent , and not said a word ? Lov. O but I lou'd the more ; and she might read it Best , in my silence , had she bin — Host. As melancholique As you are . 'Pray you , why would you stand mute , Sir ? Lov. O thereon hangs a history , mine host . Did you euer know , or heare , of the Lord Beaufort , Who seru'd so brauely in France ? I was his page , And , ere he dy'd , his friend ! I follow'd him , First , i' the warres ; and i' the times of peace , I waited on his studies : which were right . He had no Arthurs , nor no Rosicleer's , No Knights o' the Sunne , nor Amadis de Gaule's , Primalions , and Pantagruel's , publique Nothings ; Abortiues of the fabulous , darke cloyster , Sent out to poison courts , and infest manners : But great Achilles , Agamemnons acts , Sage Nestors counsels , and Vlysses slights , Tydides fortitude , as Homer wrought them In his immortall phant'sie , for examples Of the Heroick vertue . Or , as Virgil , That master of the Epick poeme , limn'd Pious Aeneas , his religious Prince , Bearing his aged Parent on his shoulders , Rapt from the flames of Troy , with his yong sonne . And these he brought to practise , and to vse . He gaue me first my breeding , I acknowledge , Then showr'd his bounties on me , like the Howres , That open-handed sit vpon the Clouds , And presse the liberality of heauen Downe to the laps of thankfull men ! But then ! The trust committed to me , at his death , Was aboue all ! and left so strong a tye On all my powers ! as time shall not dissolue ! Till it dissolue it selfe , and bury all ! The care of his braue heire , and only sonne ! Who being a vertuous , sweet , yong , hopefull Lord , Hath cast his first affections on this Lady . And though I know , and may presume her such , As , out of humor , will returne no loue ; And therefore might indifferently be made The courting-stock , for all to practise on . As she doth practise on all vs , to scorne : Yet , out of a religion to my charge , And debt profess'd , I ha' made a selfe-decree , Nere to expresse my person ; though my passion Burne me to cinders . Host. Then yo' are not so subtle , Or halfe so read in loue-craft , as I tooke you . Come , come , you are no Phoenix , an' you were , I should expect no miracle from your ashes . Take some aduice . Be still that rag of loue , You are . Burne on till you turne tinder . This Chambermaid may hap to proue the steele , To strike a sparkle out o' the flint , your mistresse May beget bonfires yet , you doe not know , What light may be forc'd out , and from what darknes . Lov. Nay , I am so resolu'd , as still I le loue Tho' not confesse it . Host. That 's , Sir , as it chances : Wee 'll throw the dice for it : Cheare vp . Lov. I doe .
Act 2.
Scene 1. Lady . Prudence . Come wench , this sute will serue : dispatch , make ready . It was a great deale with the biggest for me ; Which made me leaue it off after once wearing . How do's it fit ? wil t come together ? Pru. hardly . Lad. Thou must make shift with it . Pride feeles no pain . Girt thee hard , Pru. Pox o' this errand Taylour , He angers me beyond all marke of patience . These base Mechanicks neuer keepe their word , In any thing they promise . Pru . 'T is their trade , madam ; To sweare and breake , they all grow rich by breaking , More then their words ; their honesties , and credits , Are still the first commodity they put off . Lad. And worst , it seemes , which makes them do 't so often . If he had but broke with me , I had not car'd , But , with the company , the body politique - Pru. Frustrate our whole designe , hauing that time , And the materials in so long before ? Lad. And he to faile in all , and disappoint vs ? The rogue deserues a torture - Pru. To be crop'd With his owne Scizzers . Lad. Let 's deuise him one . Pru. And ha' the stumps fear'd vp with his owne searing candle ? Lad. Close to his head , to trundle on his pillow ? I le ha' the Leasse of his house cut out in measures . Pru. And he be strangl'd with 'hem ? Lad. No , no life I would ha' touch't , but stretch'd on his owne yard He shold be alittle , ha' the strappado ? Pru. Or an ell of taffata Drawne thorow his guts , by way of glister , & fir'd With aqua vitae ? Lad. Burning i' the hand With the pressing iron cannot saue him . Pru. Yes , Now I haue got this on : I doe forgiue him , What robes he should ha' brought . Lad. Thou art not cruell , Although streight-lac'd , I see , Pru ! Pru. This is well . Lad. 'T is rich enough ! But 't is not what I meant thee ! I would ha' had thee brauer then my selfe , And brighter farre . 'T will fit the Players yet , When thou hast done with it , and yeeld thee somwhat . Pru. That were illiberall , madam , and mere sordid In me , to let a sute of yours come there . Lad. Tut , all are Players , and but serue the Scene . Pru , Dispatch ; I feare thou dost not like the prouince , Thou art so long a fitting thy selfe for it . Here is a Scarfe , to make thee a knot finer . Pr. You send me a feasting , madame . La. Weare it wench Pru. Yes . but , with leaue o' your Ladiship , I would tel you This can but beare the face of an odde iourney . Lad. Why Pru ? Pru. A Lady of your ranke and quality , To come to a publique Inne , so many men , Yong Lords , and others , i' your company ! And not a woman but my selfe , a Chamber-maid ! Lad. Thou doubt'st to be ouer-layd Pru ? Feare it not , I le beare my part , and share with thee , i' the venter . Pru. O but the censure , madame , is the maine , What will they say of you ? or iudge of me ? To be translated thus , 'boue all the bound Of fitnesse , or decorum ? Lad. How , now ! Pru ! Turn'd foole vpo'the suddaine , and talke idly I' thy best cloathes ! shoot bolts , and sentences T' affright babies with ? as if I liu'd To any other scale then what 's my owne ? Or sought my selfe , without my selfe , from home ? Pru. Your Ladyship will pardon me , my fault , If I haue ouer-shot , I 'le shoote no more . Lad. Yes shoot againe , good Pru , I le ha' thee shoot , And aime , and hit : I know 't is loue in thee , And so I doe interpret it . Pru. Then madame , I l'd craue a farther leaue . Lad. Be it to licence , It sha'not want an eare , Pru , Say , what is it ? Pru. A toy I haue , to raise a little mirth , To the designe in hand . Lad. Out with it Pru . If it but chime of mirth . Pru. Mine host has , madame , A pretty boy i' the house , a deinty child , His sonne , and is o' your Ladiships name too , Frances , Whom if your Ladiship would borrow of him , And giue me leaue to dresse him , as I would , Should make the finest Lady , and kins-woman , To keepe you company , and deceiue my Lords , Vpo'the matter , with a fountaine o'sport . Lad. I apprehend thee , and the source of mirth That it may breed , but is he bold enough , The child ? and well assur'd ? Pru. As I am , madame , Haue him in no suspicion , more then me : Here comes mine host : will you but please to aske him , Or let me make the motion ? Lad. Which thou wilt , Pru.
Act 2.
Scene 2. Host . Lady . Prudence . Franke . Your Ladiship , and all your traine are welcome . Lad. I thank my hearty host . Host. So is your souerainty , Madame , I wish you ioy o' your new gowne . Lad. It should ha' bin , my host , but Stuffe , our Taylor Has broke with vs , you shall be o' the counsell . Pru. He will deserue it , madame , my Lady has heard You haue a pretty sonne , mine host , she 'ld see him . Lad. I very faine , I pr'y thee let me see him , host . Host. Your Ladiship shall presently , Bid Franke come hither , anone , vnto my Lady , It is a bashfull child , homely brought vp , In a rude hostelry . But the light Heart Is his fathers , and it may be his . Here he comes . Frank salute my Lady . Fra. I doe . What , madame , I am desin'd to doe , by my birth right , As heire of the light Heart , bid you most welcome . Lad. And I beleeue your most , my prettie boy , Being so emphased , by you . Fra. Your Ladiship , If you beleeue it such , are sure to make it . Lad. Pretily answer'd ! Is your name Francis ? Fra. Yes madame . Lad. I loue mine own the better . Fra. If I knew yours , I should make haste to doe so too , good madame . Lad. It is the same with yours . F. Mine then acknowledgeth The lustre it receiues , by being nam'd , after . Lad. You will win vpon me in complement . Fra. By silence . Lad. A modest , and a faire well spoken-child . Hos. Her Ladiship , shall haue him , soueraigne Pru , Or what I haue beside : diuide my heart , Betweene you and your Lady . Make your vse of it : My house is yours , my sonne is yours . Behold , I tender him to your seruice ; Franke , become What these braue Ladies would ha' you . Only this , There is a chare-woman i' the house , his nurse , An Irish woman , I tooke in , a beggar , That waits vpon him ; a poore silly foole , But an impertinent , and sedulous one , As euer was : will vexe you on all occasions , Neuer be off , or from you , but in her sleepe ; Or drinke which makes it . She doth loue him so , Or rather doate on him . Now , for her , a shape , As we may dresse her ( and I 'le helpe ) to fit her , With a tuft-taffata cloake , an old French hood , And other pieces , heterogene enough . Pru. We ha' brought a standard of apparrell , down , Because this Taylor fayld vs i' the maine . Hos. She shall aduance the game . Pru. About it then . And send but Trundle , hither , the coachman , to me . Hos. I shall : But Pru , let Louel ha' faire quarter . Pru. The best . Lad. Our Host ( me thinks ) is very game some ! Pru. How like you the boy ? Lad. A miracle ! Pru. Good Madame But take him in , and sort a sute for him , we giue our Trundle his instructions ; And wayt vpon your Ladiship , i' the instant . Lad. But Pru , what shall we call him , when we ha' drest him ? Pr. My Lady-No-body , Any thing what you wil . Lad. Call him Laetitia , by my sisters name , And so t' will minde our mirth too , we haue in hand .
Act 2.
Scene . 3. Prudence . Trundle . Good Trundle , you must straight make ready the Coach , And lead the horses out but halfe a mile , Into the fields , whether you will , and then Driue in againe , with the Coach-leaues put downe , At the backe gate , and so to the backe stayres , As if you brought in some body , to my Lady , A Kinswoman , that she sent for , Make that answer If you be askd ; and giue it out i' the house , so . Tru. What trick is this , good Mistrisse Secretary , Youl 'd put vpon vs ? Pru. Vs ? Do you speake plurall ? Tru. Me and my Mares are vs . Pru. If you so ioyne 'hem . Elegant Trundle , you may vse your figures . I can but vrge , it is my Ladies seruice . Tru. Good Mistrisse Prudence , you can vrge inough . I know you are Secretary to my Lady , And Mistresse Steward . Pru. You 'l still be trundling , And ha' your wages stopt , now at the Audite . Tru. T is true , you are Gentlewoman o' the horse too . Or what you will beside , Pru , I do thinke it : My best to obey you . Pru. And I thinke so too , Trundle .
Act. 2.
Scene . 4. Beaufort . Latimer . Host . Why here 's returne inough of both our venters , If we doe make no more discouery . Lat. what ? Then o' this Parasite ? Bea. O he 's a deinty one . The Parasite o' the house . Lat. here comes mine host . Hos. My Lords , you both are welcome to the Heart . Bea. To the light heart we hope . Lat. And mery I sweare . We neuer yet felt such a fit of laughter , As your glad heart hath offerd vs , sin' we entred . Bea. How came you by this propertie ? Hos. who ! my Fly ! Bea. Your Fly if you call him so . Hos. nay , he is that . And will be still . Beau. In euery dish and pot ? Hos. In euery Cup , and company , my Lords , A Creature of all liquors , all complexions , Be the drinke what it will , hee 'l haue his sip . Lat. He 'is fitted with a name . Hos. And he ioyes in 't : I had him when I came to take the Inne , here , Assign'd me ouer , in the Inuentory , As an old implement , a peice of houshold-stuffe , And so he doth remaine . Bea. Iust such a thing , We thought him , Lat. Is he a scholler ? Hos. Nothing lesse . But colours for it , as you see : wear's black ; And speakes a little taynted , fly-blowne Latin , After the Schoole . Bea. Of Stratford o' the Bow . For Lillies Latine , is to him vnknown . Lat. What calling ' he ? Hos. Only to call in , still . Enflame the reckoning , bold to charge a bill , Bring vp the shot i' the reare , as his owne word is , Bea. And do's it in the discipline of the house ? As Corporall o' the field , Maestro del Campo , Hos. And visiter generall , of all the roome , He has form'd a fine militia for the Inne too . Bea. And meanes to publish it ? Hos. With all his titles . Some call him Deacon Fly , some Doctor Fly . Some Captaine , some Leiutenant , But my folkes Doe call him Quarter-master , Fly , which he is .
Act. 2.
Scene . 5. Tipto . Host . Flie. L. Bea. L. Lati . Come Quarter-master Fly . Hos. Here 's one , already , Hath got his Titles . Tip. Doctor ! Fly. Noble Colonel ! No Doctor , yet . A poore professor of ceremony , Here i' the Inne , retainer to the host , I discipline the house . Tip. Thou read'st a lecture . Vnto the family here , when is the day ? Fli. This is the day . Tip. I 'le heare thee , and I 'le ha'thee a Doctour , Thou shalt be one , thou hast a Doctors looke ! A face disputatiue , of Salamanca . Hos. Who 's this ? Lat. The glorious Colonel Tipto , Host , Bea. One talkes vpon his tiptoes , if you 'l heare him . Tip. Thou hast good learning in thee , macte Fly . Fly. And I say macte , to my Colonel . Host. Well macted of 'hem both . Bea. They are match'd i'faith . Tip. But Fly , why macte ? Fly. Quasi magis ancte , My honourable Colonel . Tip. What a Critique ? Host. There 's another accession , Critique Fly . Lat. I feare a taynt here i' the Mathematiques . They say , lines paralell doe neuer meet ; He has met his paralell in wit , and schole-craft . Bea. They side , not meet man , mend your metaphor , And saue the credit of your Mathematiques . Tip. But Fly , how cam'st thou to be here , committed Vnto this Inne ? Fly , Vpon suspicion o'drinke , Sir , I was taken late one night , here , with the Tapster , And the vnder-officers , and so deposited . Tip. I will redeeme thee , Fly , and place thee better , With a faire Lady . Fly. A Lady , sweet Sir Glorious ! Tip. A Sou'raigne Lady . Thou shalt be the Bird To Soueraigne Pru , Queene of our sports , her Fly , The Fly in houshold , and in ordinary ; Bird of her care , and she shall weare thee there ! A Fly of gold , enamel'd , and a schoole-Fly . Host. The schoole , then are my stables , or the cellar , VVhere he doth study , deepely , at his houres , Cases of cups , I doe not know how spic'd VVith conscience , for the Tapster , and the Hostler : as VVhose horses may be cossen'd ? or what Iugs Fil'd vp with froth ? that is his way of learning , Tip. VVhat antiquated Father 's that , that talkes ? Fly. The worshipfull host , my patron , Mr. Good-stock : A merry Greke , and cants in Latine , comely . Spins like the parish top . Tip. I 'le set him vp , then . Art thou the Dominus ? Host. Fac-totum here , Sir . Tip. Host reall o' the house ? and Cap of Maintenance ? Host. The Lord o' the light Heart , Sir , Cap a pie ; VVhereof the Fether is the Embleme , Colonel , Put vp , with the Ace of Hearts ! Tip. But why in Cuerpo ? I hate to see an host , and old , in Cuerpo . Host. Cuerpo ? what 's that ? Tip. Light , skipping hose and doublet , The horse boyes garbe ! poore blank , and halfe blank Cuerpo , They relish not the grauity of an host , VVho should be King at Armes , and ceremonies , In his owne house ! know all , to the goldweights . Bea. VVhy that his Fly doth for him here , your Bird . Tip. But I would doe it my selfe , were I my Host , I would not speake vnto a Cooke of quality , Your Lordships footman , or my Ladies Trundle , In Cuerpo ! If a Dog but stay'd below That were a dog of fashion , and well nos'd , And could present himselfe ; I would put on The Savoy chaine about my neck ; the ruffe ; And cuffes of Flanders ; then the Naples hat ; VVith the Rome hatband ; and the Florentine Agate ; The Millan sword ; the cloake of Genoa ; set With Brabant buttons ; all my giuen pieces : Except my gloues , the natiues of Madrid , To entertaine him in ! and complement With a tame cony , as with a Prince that sent it . Hos. The same deeds , though , become not euery man , That fits a Colonel , will not fit an host , Tip. Your Spanish host is neuer seen in Cuerpo , Without his Paramento's cloake , & sword . Fli. Sir he has the father Of swords , within a long sword ; Blade cornish stil'd Of Sir Rud Hughdibras . Tip. And with a long sword , bully bird ? thy sence ? Fli. To note him a tall-man , and a Master offence : Tip. But doth he teach the Spanish way of Don Lewis ? Fli. No , the Greeke Master he . Tip. what cal you him ? Fli. Euclide . Tip. Fart vpon Euclide , he is stale , & antique , Gi' me the modernes . Fli. Sir he minds no modernes , Go by , Hieronymo ! Tip. What was he ? Fli. The Italian , That plaid with Abbot Antony , i' the Friars , And Blinkin-sops the bold . Tip. I mary , those , Had fencing names , what 's become o' them ? Hos. They had their times , and we can say , they were So had Caranza-his : so had Don Lewis . Tip. Don Lewis of Madrid , is the sole Master Now , of the world . Hos. But this , o' the other world Euclide demonstrates ! he ! Hee 's for all ! The only fencer of name , now in Elysium . Fli. He do's it all , by lines , and angles , Colonel . By parallels , and sections , has his Diagrammes ! Bea. Wilt thou be flying , Fly ? Lat. At all , why not ? The ayre 's as free for a fly , as for an Eagle . Bea A Buzzard ! he is in his contemplation ! Tip. Euclide a fencer , and in the Elysium ! Hos. He play'd a prize , last weeke , with Archimedes , And beate him I assure you . Tip. Doe you assure me ? For what ? Hos. For foure i' the hundred . Gi' me fiue , And I assure you , againe . Tip. Host , Peremptory , You may be tane , But where ? whence had you this ? Hos. Vpo' the road , A post , that came from thence , Three dayes agoe , here , left it with the Tapster . Fli. Who is indeede a thorough fare of newes , Iack Iug with the broken belly , a witty fellow ! Hos. Your Bird here heard him . Tip. Did you heare him Bird ? Hos. Speake i' the faith of a flie . Fli. Yes , and he told vs , Of one that was the Prince of Oranges fencer , Tip. Steuinus ? Fli. Sir the same , had challeng'd Euclide A thirty weapons more then Archimedes Ere saw ; and engines : most of his owne Inuention : Tip. This may haue credit , and chimes reason , this ! If any man endanger Euclide , Bird , Obserue , that had the honor to quit Europe This forty yeare , t is he . He put downe Scaliger . Fli. And he was a great Master . Bea. Not of fence , Fly . Tip. Excuse him , Lord , he went o' the same grounds . Bea. On the same earth I thinke , with other Mortals ? Tip. I meane , sweete Lord , the Mathematiques . Basta ! When thou know'st more , thou wilt take lesse , greene honor . He had his circles , semicircles , quadrants — Fli. He writ a booke o' the quadrature o' the Circle , Tip. Cyclometria , I read — Bea. The title onely . Lat. And Indice . Bea. If it had one of that quare What insolent , halfe-witted things , these are ? Lat. So are all smatterers , insolent , and impudent . Bea. They lightly go together . Lat. T' is my wonder ! Two animals should hawke at all discourse thus ! Flie euery subiect to the Marke , or retriue — Bea. And neuer ha' the lucke to be i' the right ! Lat. T' is fome folkes fortune ! Bea. Fortune 's a Bawd And a blind Begger : 't is their vanity ! And shewes most vilely ! Tip. I could take the heart now . To write vnto Don Lewis , into Spaine , To make a progresse to the Elysian fields , Next summer — Bea. And perswade him die for same , Of fencing with a shadow ! Where 's mine Host ? I would he had heard this buble breake , i'fayth .
Act. 2.
Scene 6. Host . Tipto . Prudence . Beaufort . Latimer . Franke . Nurse . Lady . Flie. Lovel . Make place , stand by , for the Queene Regent , Gentlemen . Tip. This is thy Queen , that shal be , Bird , our Soueraign . Bea. Translated Prudence ! Pru. Sweet my Lord , hand off ; It is not now , as when plaine Prudence liu'd , And reach'd her Ladiship — Host. The Chamber-pot . Pru. The looking-glasse , mine Host , loose your house Metaphore You haue a negligent memory , indeed ; Speake the host's language . Here 's a yong Lord , Will make 't a precedent else . Lat. Well acted Pru . Host. First minute of her raigne ! what will she doe Forty yeare hence ? God blesse her ! Pru. If you 'll kisse , Or complement , my Lord , behold a Lady , A stranger , and my Ladyes kinswoman . Bea. I doe confesse my rudenesse , that had need To haue mine eye directed to this beauty . Fra. It was so little , as it ask'd a perspicill . Bea. Lady , your name ? Fra. My Lord , it is Laetitia . Bea. Laetitia ! a faire omen ! And I take it . Let me haue still such Lettice for my lips : But that o' your family , Lady ? Fra. Silly , Sir . Bea. My Ladyes kinswoman ? Fra. I am so honour'd . Host. Already , it takes ! Lad. An excellent fine boy . Nur. He is descended of a right good stock , Sir . Bea. What 's this ? an Antiquary ? Host. An Antiquity , By th' dresse , you 'ld sweare ! An old Welsh Heralds widdow : She 's a wild-Irish borne ! Sir , and a Hybride , That liues with this yong Lady , a mile off here , And studies Vincent against Yorke . Bea. She 'l conquer , If she read Vincent . Let me study her . Host. She 's perfect in most pedigrees , most descents . Bea. A Baud , I hope , and knowes to blaze a coate . Host. And iudgeth all things with a single eye , Fly , come you hither ; No discouery Of what you see , to your Colonel Toe , or Tip , here , But keepe all close , tho'you stand i' the way o'preferment , Seeke it , off from the roade ; no flattery for 't : No lick-foote , paine of loosing your proboscis : My Licorish Fly . Tip. What sayes old veluet-head ? Fli. He will present me himselfe , Sir , if you will not . Tip. Who ? he present ? what ? whom ? An Host ? A Groome ? Diuide the thanks with me ? share in my glories ? Lay vp . I say no more . Hos. Then silence Sir , And heare the sou'raigne . Tip. Hostlers ? to vsurpe Vpon my Sparta or Prouince , as they say ? No broome but mine ? Hos. Still Colonel , you mutter ? Tip. I dare speake out , as Cuerpo . Fli. Noble Colonel . Tip. And carry what I aske - Hos. Ask what you can Sr. So 't be i' the house . Tip. I ask my rights & priuiledges , And though for forme I please to cal 't a suit , I haue not beene accustomed to repulse . Pru. No sweet Sir Glorious , you may still command . Hos. And go without . Pru. But yet Sir being the first , And call'd a suit , you 'll looke it shall be such As we may grant . Lad. It else denies it selfe . Pru. You heare the opinion of the Court . Tip. I mind No Court opinions . Pru. T' is my Ladies , though . Tip. My Lady is a Spinster , at the Law , And my petition is of right . Pru. What is it ? Tip. It is for this poore learned bird . Hos. The Fly ? Tip. Professour in the Inne , here , of small matters : Lat. How he commends him ! Hos. As , to saue himselfe ( in him . Lad. So do all Politiques in their commendations . Hos. This is a State-bird , and the verier flie ? Tip. Heare him problematize . Pr. Blesse vs , what 's that ? Tip. Or syllogize , elenchize . Lad. Sure , petard's , To blow vs vp . Lat. Some inginous strong words ! Hos. He meanes to erect a castle i' the ayre , And make his flie an Elephant to carry it . Tip. Bird of the Arts he is , and Fly by name ! Pru. Buz . Hos. Blow him off good Pru , they 'l mar all else . Tip. The Soueraigne's honor is to cherish learning . Pru. What in a Fly ? Tip. In any thing industrious . Pr. But Flies are busie ! Lad. Nothing more troublesom , Or importune ! Tip. Ther 's nothing more domestick , Tame , or familiar then your Flie in Cuerpo . Hos. That is when his wings are cut , he is tame indeed , else Nothing more impudent , and greedy ; licking : Lad. Or sawcy , good Sir Glorious . Pr. Leaue your Aduocate-ship Except that we shall call you Orator Flie , And send you downe to the dresser , and the dishes . Hos. A good flap , that ! Pru. Commit you to the steem ! Lad. Or els condemn you to the bottles . Pr. And pots . There is his quarry . Hos He will chirp , far better , Your bird , below . Lad. And make you finer Musique . Pru. His buz will there become him . Tip. Come away . Buz , in their faces : Giue 'hem all the Buz , Dor in their eares , and eyes , Hum , Dor , and Buz ! I will statuminate and vnder prop thee . If they scorne vs , let vs scorne them - Wee 'll finde The thorough-fare below , and Quaere him , Leaue these relicts , Buz ; they shall see that I , Spight of their jeares , dare drinke , and with a Flie . Lat. A faire remoue at once , of two impertinents ! Excellent Pru ! I loue thee for thy wit , No lesse then State . Pru. One must preserue the other . Lad. Who 's here ? Pru. O Lovel , Madam , your sad seruant . Lad. Sad ? he is sollen still , and weares a cloud About his browes ; I know not how to approach him . Pru. I will instruct you , madame , if that be all , Goe to him and kisse him . Lad. How , Pru ? Pru. Goe , and kisse him , I doe command it . Lad. Th' art not wilde , wench ! Pru. No , Tame , and exceeding tame , but still your Sou'raigne . Lad. Hath too much brauery made thee mad ? Pru. Nor proud Doe , what I doe enioyne you . No disputing Of my prerogatiue , with a front , or frowne ; Doe not detrect : you know th' authority Is mine , and I will exercise it , swiftly , If you prouoke me . Lad. I haue wouen a net To snare my selfe in ! Sir I am enioyn'd To tender you a kisse ; but doe not know Why , or wherefore , onely the pleasure royall Will haue it so , and vrges — Doe not you Triumph on my obedience , seeing it forc't thus . There 't is . Lov. And welcome . Was there euer kisse That relish'd thus ! or had a sting like this , Of so much Nectar , but , with Aloës mixt . Pru. No murmuring , nor repining , I am fixt . Lov. It had , me thinks , a quintessence of either , But that which was the better , drown'd the bitter . How soone it pass'd away ! how vnrecouered ! The distillation of another soule Was not so sweet ! and till I meet againe , That kisse , those lips , like relish , and this taste , Let me turne all , consumption , and , here waste . Pru. The royall assent is past , and cannot alter . Lad. You 'l turne a Tyran . Pru. Be not you a Rebell , It is a name is alike odious . Lad. You 'l heare me ? Pru. No , not o'th is argument . Would you make lawes , and be the first that break 'hem ? The example is pernicious in a subiect , And of your quality , most . Lat. Excellent Princesse ! Host. Iust Queene ! Lat. Braue Sou'raigne . Host A she-Traian ! this ! Bea. What is 't ? Proceede incomparable Pru ! I am glad I am scarce at leasure to applaud thee . Lat. It 's well for you , you haue so happy expressions . Lad. Yes , cry her vp , with acclamations , doe , And cry me downe , runne all with soueraignty . Prince Power will neuer want her Parasites . Pru. Nor Murmure her pretences : Master Lovel , For so your libell here , or bill of complaint , Exhibited , in our high Court of Sou'raignty , At this first hower of our raigne , declares Against this noble Lady , a dis-respect You haue conceiu'd , if not receiu'd , from her . Host. Receiued , so the charge lies in our bill . Pru. We see it , his learned Councell , leaue your planing , We that doe loue our iustice , aboue all Our other Attributes ; and haue the nearnesse , To know your extraordinary merit ; As also to discerne this Ladyes goodnesse ; And finde how loth shee 'd be , to lose the honour , And reputation , she hath had , in hauing So worthy a seruant , though but for few minutes . Do here enioyne . Hos. Good ! Pru. Charge , will , & command Her Ladiship , pain of our high displeasure And the committing an extreame contempt , Vnto the Court , our crowne and dignity . Host. Excellent Soueraigne ! And egregious Pru. Pru. To entertaine you for a payre of howres , ( Choose , when you please , this day ) with all respects , And valuation of a principall seruant , To giue you all the titles , all the priuiledges , The freedomes , fauours , rights , she can bestow . Hos. Large , ample words , of a braue latitude ! Pru. Or can be expected , from a Lady of honor , Or quality , in discourse , accesse , addresse . Hos. Good . Pru. Not to giue eare , or admit conference With any person but your selfe . Nor there , Of any other argument , but loue , And the companion of it , gentile courtship . For which your two howres seruice , you shall take Two kisses . Hos. Noble ! Pru. For each howre , a kisse , To be tane freely , fully , and legally ; Before vs ; in the Court here , & our presence . Hos. Rare ? Pru. But those howres past , and the two kisses paid , The binding caution is , neuer to hope Renewing of the time , or of the suit , On any circumstance . Hos. A hard condition ! Lat. Had it beene easier , I should haue suspected The sou'raignes iustice . Hos. O you are seruant , My Lord , vnto the Lady , and a Riuall : In point of law , my Lord , you may be challeng'd . Lat. I am not iealous ! Host. Of so short a time Your Lorship needs not , and being done , in foro . Pru. What is the answer ? Host. He craues respite , madame , To aduise with his learned Councell . Pru. Be you he , And goe together quickly . Lad. You are , no Tyran ? Pru. If I be madam , you were best appeale me ! Lat. Beaufort — Bea. I am busie , pr'y thee let me alone : I haue a cause in hearing too . Lat. At what Barre ? Bea. Lou's Court o'Requests ! Lat. Bring 't into the Souerainty : It is the nobler Court , afore Iudge Pru , The only learned mother of the Law ! And Lady o' conscience , too ! Bea. 'T is well enough Before this mistresse of Requests , where it is . Host. Let 'hem not scorne you . Beare vp master Lovel , And take your howres , and kisses , They are a fortune . Lov. Which I cannot approue , and lesse make vse of : Host. Still i'th is cloud ! why cannot you make vse of ? Lov. Who would be rich to be so soone vndone ? The beggars best is wealth , he doth not know : And , but to shew it him , in flames his want : Host. Two howers at height ? Lov. That ioy is too too narrow , Would bound a loue , so infinite as mine : And being past , leaues an eternall losse . Who so prodigiously affects a feast , To forfeit health , and appetite , to see it ? Or but to taste a spoone-full , would forgoe All gust of delicacy euer after ? Host. These , yet , are houres of hope . Lov. But all houres following Yeares of despaire , ages of misery ! Nor can so short a happinesse , but spring A world of feare , with thought of loosing it ; Better be neuer happy , then to feele A litle of it , and then loose it euer . Host. I doe confesse , it is a strict iniunction ; But , then the hope is , it may not be kept . A thousand things may interuene , We see The winde shift often , thrice a day , sometimes ; Decrees may alter vpon better motion , And riper hearing . The best bow may start , And th' hand may vary . Pru may be a sage In Law , and yet not soure , sweet Pru , smooth Pru , Soft , debonaire , and amiable Pru , May doe as well as rough , and rigid Pru ; And yet maintayne her , venerable Pru , Maiestique Pru , and Serenissimous Pru . Trie but one hower first , and as you like The loose o'th at , Draw home and prove the other . Lov. If one howre could , the other happy make , I should attempt it . Hos. Put it on : and doe . Lov. Or in the blest attempt that I might die ! Hos. I mary , there were happinesse indeed ; Transcendent to the Melancholy , meant . It were a fate , aboue a monument , And all inscription , to die so . A Death For Emperours to enioy ! And the Kings Of the rich East , to pawne their regions for ; To sow their treasure , open all their mines , Spend all their spices to embalme their corps , And wrap the inches vp in sheets of gold , That fell by such a noble destiny ! And for the wrong to your friend , that feare 's away , He rather wrongs himselfe , following fresh light , New eies to sweare by . If Lord Beaufort change , It is no crime in you to remaine constant . And vpon these conditions , at a game So vrg'd vpon you . Pru. Sir your resolution — Hos. How is the Lady affected ? Pru. Sou'raignes vse not To aske their subiects suffrage where 't is due ; But where conditionall . Host. A royall Sou'raigne ! Lat. And a rare States-woman . I admire her bearing In her new regiment . Host. Come choose your houres , Better be happy for a part of time , Then not the whole : and a short part , then neuer . Shall I appoint 'hem , pronounce for you ? Lov. Your pleasure . Host. Then he designes his first houre after dinner ; His second after supper . Say yee ? Content ? Pru. Content . Lad. I am content . Lat. Content . Fra. Content . Bea. What 's that ? I am content too . Lat. You haue reason , You had it on the by , and we obseru'd it . Nur. Trot I am not content : in fait' I am not . Host. Why art not thou content , Good shelee-nien ? Nur. He tauk so desperate , and so debausht , So baudy like a Courtier , and a Lord , God blesse him , one that tak'th Tobacco . Host. Very well mixt . What did he say ? Nur. Nay , nothing to the purposh , Or very little , nothing at all to purposh . Host. Let him alone Nurse . Nur. I did tell him of Serly Was a great family come out of Ireland , Descended of O Neale , Mac Con , Mac Dermot , Mac Murrogh , but he mark'd not . Host. Nor doe I , Good Queene of Heralds , ply the bottle , and sleepe .
Act 3.
Scene 1. Tipto . Flie. Iug. Peirce . Iordan . Ferret . Trundle . I like the plot of your Militia , well ! It is a fine Militia , and well order'd ! And the diuision 's neat ! 'T will be desir'd Only , th e'expressions were a little more Spanish : For there 's the best Militia o' the world ! To call 'hem Tertias . Tertia of the kitchin , The Tertia of the cellar , Tertia of the chamber , And Tertia of the stables . Fly. That I can , Sir , And find out very able , fit commanders . In euery Tertia . Tip. Now you are i' the right ! As i' the Tertia o' the kitchin , your selfe Being a person , elegant in sawces , There to command , as prime Maestro del Campo , Chiefe Master of the palate , for that Tertia : Or the Cooke vnder you , 'cause you are the Marshall ; And the next officer i' the field , to the Host . Then for the cellar , you haue young Ano ne , Is a rare fellow , what 's his other name ? Fly. Pierce , Sir . Tip. Sir Pierce , I 'le ha 'him a Caualier . Sir Pierce Anon , will peirce vs a new hogs-head ! And then your thorow-fare , Iug here , his Alferez : An able officer , giu'me thy beard , round Iug , I take thee by this handle , and doe loue One of thy inches ! I' the chambers , Iordan , here . He is the Don , del Campo o' the beds . And for the stables , what 's his name ? Fly. old Peck . Tip. Maestro del Campo , Peck ! his name is curt , A monosyllabe , but commands the horse well . Fly. O , in an Inne , Sir , we haue other horse , Let those troopes rest a while . Wine is the horse , That wee must charge with here . Tip. Bring vp the troopes , Or call sweet Fly , 't is an exact Militia , And thou an exact professor , Lipsius Fly , Thou shalt be cal'd , and Iouse : lack Ferret , welcome , Old Trench-master , and Colonel o' the Pyoners , What canst thou bolt vs now ? a Coney ? or two Out of Thom : Trundles burrow , here , the Coach ? This is the master of the carriages ! How is thy driuing Thom : good , as t was ? Tru. It serues my Lady , and our officer Pru . Twelue mile an houre ! Thom has the old trundle still . Tip. I am taken with the family , here , fine fellowes ? Viewing the muster roll . Tru. They are braue men ! Fer. And of the Fly , blowne discipline all , the Quarter-Master ! Tip. The Fly 's a rare bird , in his profession ! Let 's sip a priuate pinte with him , I would haue him Quit this light signe of the light heart , my bird : And lighter house . It is not for his tall And growing grauity so Cedar-like , To be the second to an Host in Cuerpo , That knowes no elegancies , vse his owne Dictamen , and his Genius , I would haue him Flie high , and strike at all . Heer 's yong Anone , too . Pei. What wine is 't Gentlemen , white or claret ? Tip. White . My briske Anone . Pei. I 'le draw you Iuno's milke That died the Lilies , Colonel . Tip. Do so Peirce . Pec. A plague of all Iades , what a clap he has gi'n me Fli. Why how now Cossen ? Tip. Who 's that ? Fer. The Hostler . Fli. What ayl'st thou Cossen Peck ? Pec. O me , my hanches ! As sure as you liue , Sir , he knew perfectly I meant to Cossin him . He did leere so on me , And then he sneerd . As who would say take heed S'ah , And when he saw our halfe-pecke , which you know Was but an old court-dish , Lord how he stamp't ? I thought , 't had beene for ioy . When suddainly He cuts me a backe caper with his heeles , And takes me iust o' the crouper . Downe come I And my whole ounce of oates ! Then he neighed out , As if he had a Mare by the tayle . Fli. Troth Cossin , You are to blame to vse the poore dumbe Christians , So cruelly , defraud 'hem o' their dimensum , Yonder 's the Colonels horse ( there I look'd in ) Keeping our Ladies Eue ! The diuell a bit He ha's got , sin'e he came in yet ! There he stands , And lookes and lookes , but t' is your pleasure , Cosse , He should looke leane enough . Pec. He ha's hay before him . Fli. Yes , but as grosse as hempe , and assoone will choake him , Vnlesse he eat it butter'd . H 'had foure shoes , And good ones , when he came in : It is a wonder , With standing still he should cast three . Pec. Troth Quarter-Master , This trade is a kind of mystery , that corrupts Our standing manners quickely : Once a weeke , I meet with such a brush to mollifie me . Sometimes a brace , to awake my Conscience , Yet still , I sleepe securely . Fli. Cossin Peck , You must vse better dealing , fayth you must . Pec. Troth , to giue good example , to my successors , I could be well content to steale but two girths , And now and then a saddle cloth , change a bridle , For exercise : and stay there . Fli. If you could There were some hope , on you , Cosse . But the fate is You are drunke so early , you mistake whole Saddles : Sometimes a horse . Pec. I there 's — Fli. The wine , come Cosse , I le talk with you anone . Pec. Doe , loose no time , good Quarter-Master . Tip There are the horse , come , Flie . Fli. Charge , in Boyes , in ; Lieutenant o' the ordinance . Tobacco , & pipes . Tip. Who 's that ? Old Iordan , good ! A comely vessell , and a necessary . New-scour'd he is : Here 's to thee , Martiall Fly . In milke , my yong Anone sayes . Pei. Cream o' the grape ! That drop't from Iuno's breasts , and sprung the Lilly ! I can recite your fables , Fly. Here is , too , The blood of Venus , mother o' the Rose ! Ior. The dinner is gone vp . Iug. I heare the whistle . Ior. I , and the fidlers . We must all goe waite . Pei. Pox o'th is waiting , Quarter Master , Fly . Fly. When Chambermaids are soueraignes , waite their Ladies . Fly scornes to breath . Pec. or blow vpon thē , he . Pei. Old Parcel Peck ! Art thou there ? how now ? lame Pec. Yes faith : it is ill halting afore criples , I ha' got a dash of a Iade , here , will stick by me . Pei. O you haue had some phant'sie , fellow Peck , Some reuelation — Pec. What ? Pei. To steale the hay , Out o' the racks againe : Fly. I told him so , When the ghests backs were turn'd . Pei. Or bring his peck The bottome vpwards , heap'd with oates ; and cry . Here 's the best measure vpon all the roade ! when You know the ghest , put in his hand , to feele , And smell to the oates , that grated all his fingers Vpo'the wood — Pec. Mum ! Pei. And foūd out your cheat . Pec. I ha' bin i' the cellar , Peirce . Pei. You were then , there , Vpo' your knees ; I doe remember it : To ha' the fact conceald . I could tell more , Soping of saddles , cutting of horse tailes , And cropping — pranks of ale , and hostelry — Fly. Which he cannot forget , he sayes , yong Knight : No more then you can other deeds of darknesse , Done i' the cellar . Tip. Well said , bold professor . Fer. We shall ha' some truth explain'd . Pei. We are all mortall , And haue our visions . Pec. Truly it seemes to me That euery horse has his whole peck , and tumbles vp to the eares in littour , Fly. When , indeed There 's no such matter ; not a smell of prouander . Fer. Not so much straw as would tie vp a horse-taile ! Fly. Nor any thing i' the rack , but two old cob webs ! And so much rotten hay , as had beene a hens riest ! Tru. And yet he 's euer apt to sweepe the mangers ! Fer. But puts in nothing . Pei. These are fits , and fancies , Which you must leaue , good Peck . Fly. And you must pray it may be reueal'd to you , at some-times , Whose horse you ought to cosen ; with what conscience ; The how ; and when ; a Parsons horse may suffer — Pei. Who 's master 's double benefic'd ; put in that . Fly. A little greasing i' the teeth ; 't is wholesome : And keepes him in a sober shuffle . Pei. His saddle too May want a stirrop . Fly. And , it may be sworne , His learning lay o' one side , and so broke it . Pec. They haue euer oates i' their cloake-bags , to affront vs . Fly. And therefore 't is an office meritorious , To tith such soundly . Pei. And a graziers may . Fer. O they are pinching puckfists ! Tru. And suspicious . Pei. Suffer before the masters face , sometimes . Fly. He shall thinke he sees his horse eate halfe a bushell , Pei. When the slight is , rubbing his gummes with salt , Till all the skin come off , he shall but mumble , Like an old woman that were chewing brawne , And drop 'hem out againe . Tip. Well argued Caualier , Fly. It may doe well : and goe for an example : But Cosse , haue care of vnderstanding horses , Horses with angry heeles , Nobility horses . Horses that know the world ; let them haue meat Till their teeth ake ; and rubbing till their ribbes Shine like a wenches forehead : They are Diuels else Will looke into your dealings . Pec. For mine own part , The next I cossen o' the pampred breed , I wish he may be found'red . Fli. Foun-de-red . Prolate it right . Pec. And of all foure , I wish it , I loue no crouper complements . Pei. Whose horse was it ? Pec. Why , Mr Bursts . Pei. Is Bat Burst come ? Pec. An howre he has beene heere . Tip. What Burst ? Pei. Mas , Bartolmew Burst . One that hath beene a Citizen , since a Courtier , And now a Gamester . Hath had all his whirles , And bouts of fortune , as a man would say , Once a Bat , and euer a Bat ! a Rere-mouse , And Bird o' twilight , he has broken thrice Tip. Your better man , the Geno'way Prouerbe say , Men are not made of steele . Pei. Nor are they bound Alwayes to hold . Fli. Thrice honourable Colonel ! Hinges will crack - Tip. Though they be Spanish iron Pei. He is a merchant still , Aduenturer , At in , and in : and is our thorough-fares friend . Tip. Who ? lugs ? Pei. The same : and a fine gentle Was with him ! Pec. Mr Huffle . Pei. Who ? Hodge Huffle ? Ti. What 's he ? Pei. A cheater , & another fine gentle A friend o' the Chamberlaynes ! Iordans ! Mr Huffle He is Bursts protection . Fli. Fights , and vapors for him Pei. He will be drunk so ciuilly - Fli. So discreetly - Pei. And punctually ! iust at his houre . Fli. And then Call for his Iordan , with that hum and state , As if he piss'd the Politiques ! Pei. And sup With his tuft-taffata night-geere , heere , so silently ! Fli. Nothing but Musique ! Pei. A dozen of bawdy songs . Tip. And knowes the Generall this ? Fl. O no , Sr. Dormis , Dormit Patronus , still , the master sleepes . They 'll steale to bed . Pei. In priuate Sir , and pay , The Fidlers with that modesty , next morning . Fli. Take a disiune of muscadell , and egges ! Pei. And packe away i' their trundling cheats , like Gipsies Tru. Mysteries , mysteries , Ferret . Fer. I we see , Trundle , What the great Officers , in an Inne may doe ; I doe not say the Officers of the Crowne But the light heart . Tip. I 'le see the Bat , and Huffle . Fer. I ha' some busines Sir , I craue your pardon - Tip. What ? Fer. To be sober . Tip. Pox , goe get you gone then . Trundle shall stay . Tru. No I besech you Colonel , Your Lordship ha's a minde to bee drunke priuate , With these braue Gallants ; I will step aside Into the stables , and salute my Mares . Pei. Yes doe : and sleepe with 'hem , let him go base — whip-stocke . Hee 's as drunke as a fish now , almost as dead . Tip. Come , I will see the flicker mouse , my Flie .
Act 3.
Scene 2. Prudence vsher'd by the Host , takes her seat of Iudicature , Nurse , Franke , the two Lords Beaufort , and Latimer , assist of the Bench : The Lady and Louel are brought in , and sit on the two sides of the stage , confronting each the other . Ferret . Trundle . Pru. Heere set the hower ; but first produce the parties : And cleere the court . The time is now of price . Hos. Iug , get you down , and Trundle get you vp , You shall be Crier . Ferret here , the Clearke . Iordan , smell you without , till the Ladies call you ; Take downe the Fidlers too , silence that noyse , Deepe , i' the cellar , safe . Pru. Who keepes the watch ? Hos. Old Sheelinin heere , is the Madame Tel-clocke . Nur. No fait and trot , sweet Maister , I shall sleep ; I fait , I shall . Bea. I pr'y thee , doe then , Schrich . Owle . She brings to mind the fable o' the Dragon , That kept the Hesperian fruit . Would I could charme her . Hos. Trundle will do it with his hum . Come Trundle . Precede him Ferret , i' the forme . Fer. Oyez , oyez , oyez . Whereas there hath beene awarded , By the Queene Regent of Loue , In this high court of soueraignty , Two speciall howers of addresse , To Herebert Lovel , appellant , Against the Lady Frampul , defendant Herebert Lovel , Come into the Court . Make challenge to thy first hower , And saue thee , and thy bayle . Tru. O yez , &c. Whereas , &c. By the Qu. &c. In this high , &c. Two speciall , &c To Herebert , &c. Against the , &c. Herebert Lov . &c. Make , &c. And saue , &c. Hos. Loe , louting where he comes into the Court ! Clearke of the sou'raignty take his apparance . And how accoutred , how design'd he comes ! Fer. T 's done . Now Crier , call the Lady Frampul , And by the name of , Francis , Lady Frampul , defendant , Come into the Court , Make answer to the award , And saue thee , and thy bayle . Tru. Francis &c. Come into the , &c. Make answer , &c. And saue thee , &c. Enter Lady Hos. She makes a noble , and a just apparance . Set it downe likewise , and how armd she comes . Pru. Vsher of Loues Court , giue 'hem their oath . According to the forme , vpon Loue 's Missal . Hos. Arise , and lay your hands , vpon the Booke .

Herebert Lovel Appellant , and Lady Frances Frampul , Defendant , you shall sweare vpon the Liturgie of Loue , Ouid de arte amandi , that you neither haue , ne will haue , nor in any wise beare about you , thing , or things , pointed , or blunt , within these these lists , other then what are naturall , and allow'd by the Court : No inchanted Armes , or weapons , Stones of vertue , Herbe of Grace , Charme , Character , Spel , Philtre , or other power , then Loues only , and the iustnessee of your cause . So helpe you Loue , his Mother , and the contents of this Booke : Kisse it . Returne vnto your seats . Crier bid silence .

Tru. Oyez . Oyez . Oyez . Fe. I' the name o' the Soueraigne of Loue Notice is giuen by the Court , To the Appellant , and Defendant , That the first houre of addresse proceeds . And Loue saue the Soueraigne . Tru. I' the &c. Notice is &c. To the Ap &c. That the &c. And loue &c. Tru. Euery man , or woman keep silence paine of imprisonment . Pru. Do your endeuours , in the name of Loue . Lov. To make my first approaches , then , in loue . Lad. Tell vs what Loue is , that we may be sure There 's such a thing , and that it is in nature . Lov. Excellent Lady , I did not expect To meet an Infidell ! much lesse an Atheist ! Here in Loue 's lists ! of so much vnbeleefe ! To raise a question of his being — Host. Well-charg'd ! Lov. I rather thought , and , with religion , thinke , Had all the character of loue beene lost , His lines , demensions , and whole signature Raz'd , and defac'd , with dull humanity : That both his nature , and his essence might Haue found their mighty instauration here , Here where the confluence of faire , and good , Meets to make vp all beauty . For , what else Is Loue , but the most noble , pure affection Of what is truly beautifull , and faire ? Desire of vnion with the thing beloued ? ( Beau. Haue the assistants of the Court their votes , And writ of priuiledge , to speake them freely ? Pru. Yes , to assist ; but not to interrupt . Bea. Then I haue read somwhere , that man and woman Were , in the first creation , both one piece , And being cleft asunder , euer since , Loue was an appetite to be reioyn'd . As for example — Nur. Cramo-cree ! what meansh' tou ? Bea. Only , to kisse , and part . Hos. So much is lawfull . Lat. And stands with the prerogatiue of loues Court ! Lov. It is a fable of Plato's , in his Banquet , And vtter'd , there , by Aristophanes . Hos. 'T was well remembred here , and to good vse . ) But on with your description , what Loue is . Desire of vnion with the thing belou'd . Lov. I meant a definition . For I make The efficient cause , what 's beautifull , and faire . The formall cause , the appetite of vnion . The finall cause , the vnion it selfe . But larger , if you 'l haue it , by description , It is a flame , and ardor of the minde , Dead , in the proper corps , quick in anothers : Trans-ferres the Louer into the Loued . The he , or she , that loues , engraues , or stamps Th' Idea of what they loue , first in themselues : Or , like to glasses , so their mindes take in The formes of their belou'd , and them reflect , It is the likenesse of affections , Is both the parent , and the nurse of loue . Loue is a spirituall coupling of two soules , So much more excellent , as it least relates Vnto the body ; circular , eternall ; Not fain'd , or made , but borne : And then , so pretious , As nought can value it , but it selfe . So free , As nothing can command it , but it selfe . And in it selfe , so round , and liberall , As where it fauours , it bestowes it selfe . ( Bea. And , that doe I ; here my whole selfe , I tender , According to the practise o' the Court . Nur I'tish a naughty practish , a lewd practish , Be quiet man , dou shalt not leip her , here . Bea. Leape her ? I lip her , foolish Queene at Armes , Thy blazon 's false : wilt thou blaspheme thine office ? ) Lov. But , we must take , and vnderstand this loue Along still , as a name of dignity ; Not pleasure . ( Hos. Mark you that , my light yong Lord ? ) Lov. True loue hath no vnworthy thought , no light , Loose , vn-becoming appetite , or straine , But fixed , constant , pure , immutable . ( Bea. I relish not these philosophicall feasts : Giue me a banquet o'sense , like that of Ovid : A forme , to take the eye ; a voyce , mine care ; Pure aromatiques , to my sent ; a soft , Smooth , deinty hand , to touch ; and , for my taste , Ambrosiack kisses , to melt downe the palat . ) Lov. They are the earthly , lower forme of louers , Are only taken with what strikes the senses ! And loue by that loose scale . Although I grant , We like , what 's faire and gracefull in an obiect , And ( true ) would vse it , in the all we tend to , Both of our ciuill , and domestick deedes . In ordering of an army , in our style , Apparell , gesture , building , or what not ? All arts , and actions doe affect their beauty . But put the case , in trauayle I may meet Some gorgeous Structure , a braue Frontispice , Shall I stay captiue i' the outer court , Surpris'd with that , and not aduance to know Who dwels there , and inhabiteth the house ? There is my friendship to be made , within ; With what can loue me againe : not , with the walles , Dores , windo'es , architrabes , the frieze , and coronice . My end is lost in louing of a face , An eye , lip , nose , hand , foot , or other part , Whose all is but a statue , if the mind Moue not , which only can make the returne . The end of loue is , to haue two made one In will , and in affection , that the mindes Be first inoculated , not the bodies . Bea. Gi' me the body , if it be a good one . Fra. Nay , sweet my Lord , I must appeale the Soueraigne For better quarter ; If you hold your practise ; Tru . Silence , paine of imprisonment : Heare the Court . Lov. The bodyes loue is fraile , subiect to change , And alter still , with it : The mindes is firme , One , and the same , proceedeth first , from weighing , And well examining , what is faire , and good ; Then , what is like in reason , fit in manners ; That breeds good will : good will desire of vnion . So knowledge first , begets beneuolence , Beneuolence breeds friendship , friendship loue . And where it starts or steps aside from this , It is a mere degenerous appetite , A lost , oblique , deprau'd affection , And beares no marke , or character of Loue . Lad. How am I changed ! By what alchimy Of loue , or language , am I thus translated ! His tongue is tip'd with the Philosophers stone , And that hath touch'd me through euery vaine ! I feele that transmutation o' my blood , As I were quite become another creature , And all he speakes , it is proiection ! Pru. Well fain'd , my Lady : now her parts begin ! Lat. And she will act 'hem subtilly . Pru. She fails me else . Lov. Nor doe they trespasse within bounds of pardon , That giuing way , and licence to their loue , Di-uest him of his noblest ornaments , Which are his modesty , and shamefac'tnesse : And so they doe , that haue vnfit designes , Vpon the parties , they pretend to loue . For , what 's more monstrous , more a prodigie , Then to heare me protest truth of affection Vnto a person that I would dishonor ? And what 's a more dishonor , then defacing Anothers good , with forfeiting mine owne ? And drawing on a fellowship of sinne ; From note of which , though ( for a while ) we may Be both kept safe , by caution , yet the conscience Cannot be cleans'd . For what was hitherto Cal'd by the name of loue , becomes destroyd Then , with the fact : the innocency lost , The bating of affection soone will follow : And Loue is neuer true , that is not lasting . No more then any can be pure , or perfect , That entertaines more then one obiect . Dixi . Lad. O speake , and speake for euer ! let min'eare Be feasted still , and filled with this banquet ! No sense can euer surfet on such truth ! It is the marrow of all louers tenents ! Who hath read Plato , Heliodore , or Tatius , Sydney , D'Vrse , or all Loues Fathers , like him ? He , is there the Master of the Sentences , Their Schoole , their Commentary , Text , and Glosse , And breathes the true diuinity of Loue ! Pru. Excellent actor ! how she hits this passion ! Lad. Where haue I liu'd , in heresie , so long Out o' the Congregation of Loue , And stood irregular , by all his Canons ? Lat. But doe you thinke she playes ? Pru. Vpo'my Soueraignty , Marke her anon . Lat. I shake , and am halfe iealous . Lad. What penance shall I doe , to be receiu'd , And reconcil'd , to the Church of Loue ? Goe on procession , bare-foot , to his Image , And say some hundred penitentiall verses , There , out of Chaucers Troilus , and Cresside ? Or to his mothers shrine , vow a Waxe-candle As large as the Towne May-pole is , and pay it ! Enioyne me any thing this Court thinks fit , For I haue trespass'd , and blasphemed Loue . I haue , indeed , despis'd his Deity , Whom ( till this miracle wrought on me ) I knew not . Now I adore Loue , and would kisse the rushes That beare this reuerend Gentleman , his Priest , If that would expiate — but , I feare it will not . For , tho' he be somewhat strooke in yeares , and old Enough to be my father , he is wise , And onely wise men loue , the other couet . I could begin to be in loue with him , But will not tell him yet , because I hope T' enioy the other houre , with more delight , And proue him farther . Pru. Most Socratick Lady ! Or , if you will Ironick ! gi' you ioy O' you Platonick loue here , Mr Lovel . But pay him his first kisse , yet , i' the Court , Which is a debt , and due : For the houre 's run . Lad. How swift is time , and slily steales away From them would hug it , value it , embrace it ? I should haue thought it scarce had run ten minutes , When the whole houre is fled . Here , take your kisse , Sir , Which I most willing tender you , in Court . ( Bea. And we doe imitate — ) Lad. And I could wish , It had bene twenty — so the Soueraignes Poore narrow nature had decreed it so — But that is past , irreuocable , now : She did her kind , according to her latitude — Pru Beware , you doe not coniure vp a spirit You cannot lay . Lad. I dare you , doe your worst , Shew me but such an iniustice : I would thanke you To alter your award . Lat. Sure she is serious ! I shall haue another fit of iealousie ! I feele a grudging ! Host. Cheare vp , noble ghest , We cannot guesse what this may come to , yet ; The braine of man , or woman , is vncertaine ! Lov. Tut , she dissembles ! All is personated , And counterfeit comes from her ! If it were not , The Spanish Monarchy , with both the Indies , Could not buy off the treasure of this kisse , Or halfe giue balance for my happinesse . Host. Why , as it is yet , it glads my light Heart To see you rouz'd thus from a sleepy humor , Of drouzy , accidentall melancholy ; And all those braue parts of your soule awake , That did before seeme drown'd , and buried in you ! That you expresse your selfe , as you had back'd The Muses Horse ! or got Bellerophons armes ! What newes with Fly ? Fly. Newes , of a newer Lady , A finer , fresher , brauer , bonnier beauty , A very bona-Roba , and a Bouncer ! In yeallow , glistering , golden Satten . Lad. Pru , Adiourne the Court . Pru. Cry Trundle - Tru. Oyez , Any man , or woman , that hath any personal attendance To giue vnto the Court ; Keepe the second houre , And Loue saue the Sou'raigne .
Act 4.
Scene 1. Iug. Barnabe . Iordan . O Barnabe ! Ior. Welcome Barnabe ! Where hast thou beene ? Bar. I' the foule weather . Iug. Which has wet thee , Ban . Bar. As drie as a chip ! Good Iug , a cast o' thy name , As well as thy office ; two iugges ! Iug. By , and by . Ior. What Lady 's this thou hast brought here ? Bar. A great Lady I know no more : one , that will trie you , Iordan . Shee 'll finde your gage , your circle , your capacity , How do's old Staggers the Smith ? and Tree , the Sadler ? Keep they their peny-club , stil ? Ior. And th' old catch too , Of whoop Barnaby - Bar. Doe they sing at me ? Ior. They' are reeling at it , in the parlour , now : Bar. I le to 'hem : Gi' mee a drinke first . Ior. Where 's thy hat Bar. I lost it by the way gi' me — another . Iug. A hat ? Bar. A drinke . Iug. Take heed of taking cold , Ban - Bar. The wind blew 't off at High-gate , and my Lady Would not endure mee , light , to take it vp , But made me driue bare-headed i' the raine . Ior. That she might be mistaken for a Countesse ? Bar. Troth , like inough ! She might be an o're-grown Dutchesse , For ought I know . Iug. What! with one man ! Bar. At a time , They cary no more , the best of 'hem . Ior. Nor the brauest . Bar. And she is very braue ! Ior. A stately gowne ! And peticote , she has on ! Bar. Ha' you spi'd that , Iordan You' are a notable peerer , an old Rabbi , At a smocks hem , boy . Iug. As he is Chamberlane , He may doe that , by his place . Ior. What 's her Squire ? Bar. A toy , that she allowes eight pence a day . A slight Man-net , to port her , vp , and downe . Come shew me to my play-fellowes , old Staggers , And father Tree . Ior. Here , this way , Barnabe .
Act 4.
Scene 2. Tipto . Burst . Huffle . Fly. Come , let' vs take in fresco , here , one quart . Bur. Two quarts , my man of war , let' vs not be stinted . Huf. Aduance three iordans , varlet o' the house : Tip. I do not like your Burst , Bird ; He is sawcy : Some Shop-keeper he was ? Fly. Yes , Sir . Tip. I knew it . A broke-wing'd Shop-keeper ? I nose 'hem , streight . He had no Father , I warrant him , that durst own him ; Some foundling in a stall , or the Church porch ; Brought vp it'he Hospitall ; and so bound Prentise ; Then Master of a shop ; then one o' th Inquest ; Then breakes out Bankrupt ; or starts Alderman : The originall of both is a Church-porch — Fli. Of some , my Colonel . Tip. Good fayth , of most ! O' your shop Citizens , th' are rude Animals ! And let 'hem get but ten mile out a towne Th' outswagger all the wapen-take . Fli. What 's that ? Tip. A Saxon word , to signifie the hundred . Bur. Come let vs drinke , Sir Glorious , some braue health Vpon our tip-toos . Tip. To the health o' the Bursts . Bu. Why Bursts ? Ti. Why Tipto's ? Bu. O' I cry you mercy ! Tip. It is sufficient . Huf. What is so sufficient ? Tip. To drinke to you is sufficient . Huf. On what terms ? Tip. That you shall giue security to pledge me . Huf. So you will name no Spaniard , I will pledge you . Tip. I rather choose to thirst : and will thirst euer , Then leaue that creame of nations , vn-cry'd vp . Perish all wine , and gust of wine . Huf. How spill it ? Spill it at me ? Tip. I wrek not , but I spilt it . Fli. Nay pray you be quiet , noble bloods . Bur. No Spaniards , I crie , with my cossen Huffle . Huf. Spaniards ? Pilchers ? Tip. Do not prouoke my patient blade . It sleep's , And would not heare thee : Huffle , thou art rude , And dost not know the Spanish composition . Bur. What is the Recipe ? Name the ingredients . Tip. Valor . Bur. Two ounces ! Tip. Prudence . Bur. Half a dram ! Tip. Iustice , Bur. A peny weight ! Tip. Religion . Bur. Three scruples ! Tip. And of grauida'd Bur. A facefull ! Tip. He carries such a dose of it in his lookes , Actions , and gestures , as it breeds respect , To him , from Sauages , and reputation With all the sonnes of men . Bur. Will it giue him credit With Gamesters , Courtiers , Citizens , or Tradesmen ? Tip. Hee 'll borrow money on the stroke of his beard ! Or turne off his Mustaccio ! His meere cuello , Or Ruffe about his necke is a Bill of Exchange In any Banke , in Europe ! Not a Marchant That fees his gate , but straight will furnish him Vpon his pase ! Huf. I haue heard the Spanish name Is terrible , to children in some Countries ; And vs'd to make them eat — their bread and butter : Or take their worm-seed . Tip. Huffle , you doe shuffle : — to them : Stuffe , Pinnacia . Bur. Slid heer 's a Lady ! Huf. And a Lady gay ! Tip. A well-trimm'd Lady ! Huf. Lett 's lay her a boord . Bur. Lett 's haile her first . Tip. By your sweet fauour Lady , Stu. Good Gentlemen be ciuill , we are strangers . Bur. And you were Flemings , Sir ! Huf. Or Spaniards ! Tip. The' are here , haue beene at Seuil i' their dayes , And at Madrid too ! Pin. He is a foolish fellow , I pray you minde him not , He is my Protection . Tip. In your protection , he is safe , sweet Lady . So shall you be , in mine . Huf. A share , good Coronell . Tip. Of what ? Huf. Of your fine Lady ! I am Hodge , My name is Huffle . Tip. Huffling Hodge , be quiet . Bur. And I pray you , be you so , Glorious Coronel , Hodge Huffle shall be quiet . Huf. A Lady gay , gay . For she is a Lady gay , gay , gay . For she 's a Lady gay . Tip. Bird o' the Vespers , Vespertilio , Burst ; You are a Gentleman , o' the first head , But that head may be broke , as all the Body is — Burst , if you tie not vp your Huffle , quickly . Huf. Tie dogs , not man . Hur. Nay pray thee , Hodge , be still . Tip. This steele here rides not , on this thigh , in vaine . Huf. Shew'st thou thy steele , & thigh , thou glorious Dirt , Then Hodge sings Sampson , and no ties shall hold . — Peirce . Iug . Iorden . To them . Pei. Keepe the peace gentlemen : what do you mean ? Tip. I will not discompose my selfe , for Huffle . Pin. You see what your entreaty , and pressure still Of gentlemen , to be ciuill , doth bring on ? A quarrell ? and perhaps man-slaughter ? You Will carry your goose about you , stil ? your planing Iron ? Your tongue to smooth all is not here fine stuffe ? Stu. Why wife ? Pin. Your wife ? ha'not I forbiden you that ? Doe you thinke I 'le call you husband i'th is gowne , Or any thing , in that iacket , but Protection ? Here tie my shooe ; and shew my vellute petticote , And my silke stocking ! why doe you make me a Lady , If I may not doe like a Lady , in fine clothes . Stu. Sweet heart , you may doe what you will , with me . Pin. I ; I knew that at home ; what to doe with you ; But why was I brought hither ? to see fashions ? Stu. And weare them too , sweet heart , but this wild Company Pin. Why doe you bring me in wild Company ? You 'd ha' me tame , and ciuill , in wild Company ? I hope I know , wild Company are fine Company , And in fine Company , where I am fine my selfe , A Lady may doe any thing , deny nothing To a fine party , I haue heard you say 't . — To them Pierce . Pei. There are a Company of Ladies aboue Desire your Ladiships Company , and to take The surety of their lodgings , from the affront Of these halfe-beasts , were heere een now , the Centaures , Pin. Are they fine Ladies ? Pei. Some very fine Ladies . Pin. As fine as I ? Pei. I dare vse no comparisons , Being a seruant , sent — Pin. Spoke , like a fine fellow ! I would thou wert one ; I 'de not then deny thee : But , thank thy Lady . — To them Host . Hos. Madam , I must craue you To afford a Lady a visit , would excuse Some harshnesse o' the house , you haue receiu'd From the brute ghests . Pin. This 's a fine old man ! I 'ld goe with him an' he were a little finer ! Stu. You may sweet heart , it is mine Host . Pin. mine Host ! Host. Yes madame , I must bid you welcom . Pin. Do then . Stu. But doe not stay . Pin. I 'le be aduis'd by you , yes !
Act 4.
Scene . 3. — To them Latimer . Beaufort . Lady . Pru. Frank . Host . Pinnacia . Stuffe . What more then Thracian Barbarisme was this ! Bea. The battayle o' the Centaures , with the Lapithes ! Lad. There is no taming o' the Monster drinke . Lat. But what a glorious beast our Tipto shew'd ! He would not discompose himselfe , the Don ! Your Spaniard , nere , doth discompose himselfe . Bea. Yet , how he talkt , and ror'd i' the beginning ! Pru. And ran as fast , as a knock'd Marro'bone . Bea. So they did all at last , when Lovel went downe , And chas'd hem bout the Court . Lat. For all 's Don Lewis ! Or fencing after Euclide ! Lad. I nere saw A lightning shoot so , as my seruant did , His rapier was a Meteor , and he wau'd it Ouer 'hem , like a Comet ! as they fled him ! I mark'd his manhood ! euery stoope he made Was like an Eagles , at a flight of Cranes ! ( As I haue read somewhere . ) Bea. Brauely exprest : Lat. And like a Louer ! Lad. Of his valour , I am ! He seem'd a body , rarifi'd , to ayre ! Or that his sword , and arme were of a peece , They went together so ! Here , comes the Lady . Bea. A bouncing Bona-roba ! as the Flie sayd . Fra. She is some Giantesse ! I le stand off , For feare she swallow me . La. Is not this our Gown , Pru ? That I bespoke of Stuffe ? Pru. It is the fashion ! Lad. I , and the Silke ! Feele , sure it is the same ! Pru. And the same Peticote , lace , and all ! Lad. I le sweare it . How came it hither ? make a bill of inquiry . Pru. Yo'haue a fine sute on , Madam ! and a rich one ! Lad. And of a curious making ! Pru. And a new ! Pin. As new , as Day . Lat. She answers like a fish-wife . Pin. I put it on , since Noone , I doe assure you , Pru. Who is your Taylor ? Lad. 'Pray you , your Fashioners name . Pin My Fashioner is a certaine man o' mine owne , He is i' the house : no matter for his name . Host. O , but to satisfie this beuy of Ladies : Of which a brace , here , long'd to bid you well-come Pin. He 'is one , in truth , I title my Protection : Bid him come vp . Host. Our new Ladies Protection ! What is your Ladiships stile ? Pin. Countesse Pinnaccia . Host. Countesse Pinnacias man , come to your Lady , Pru. Your Ladiships Taylor ! mas , Stuffe ! Lad. How Stuffe ? He the Protection ! Hos. Stuffe lookes like a remnant . Stu. I am vndone , discouerd ! Pru. T is the suit , Madame , Now , without scruple ! and this , some deuise To bring it home with . Pin. Why , vpon your knees ? Is this your Lady Godmother ? Stu. Mum , Pinnacia . It is the Lady Frampol : my best customer . Lad. What shew is this , that you present vs with ? Stu. I doe beseech your Ladiship , forgiue me . She did but say the suit on . Lad. Who ? Which she ? Stu. My wife forsooth . Lad. How ? Mistresse Stuffe ? Your wife ! Is that the riddle ? Pru. We all look'd for a Lady , A Dutchesse , or a Countesse at the least . Stu. She is my owne lawfully begotten wife , In wedlocke . We ha' beene coupled now seuen yeares . Lad. And why thus mas'qd ? You like a footman , ha ! And she your Countesse ! Pin. To make a foole of himselfe And of me too . Stu. I pray thee , Pinnace , peace . Pin. Nay it shall out , since you haue cald me wife , And openly dis-Ladied me ! though I am dis-Countess'd I am not yet dis-countenanc'd . These shall see . Hos silence ! Pi. It is a foolish tricke Madame , he has ; For though he be your Taylour , he is my beast . I may be bold with him , and tell his story . When he makes any fine garment will fit me , Or any rich thing that he thinkes of price , Then must I put it on , and be his Countesse , Before he carry it home vnto the owners . A coach is hir'd , and foure horse , he runnes In his veluet Iackat thus , to Rumford , Croyden , Hounslow , or Barnet , the next bawdy road : And takes me out , carries me vp , and throw's me Vpon a bed . Lad. Peace thou immodest woman : She glories in the brauery o' the vice . Lat. T is a queint one ! Bea. A fine species , Of fornicating with a mans owne wife , Found out by ( what 's his name ? ) Lat. Mr Nic Stuffe ! Host. The very figure of preoccupation In all his customers best clothes . Lat. He lies With his owne Succuba , in all your names . Bea. And all your credits . Host. I , and at all their costs . Lat. This gown was then bespoken , for the Soueraign Bea. I marry was it . Lad. And a maine offence , Committed 'gainst the soueraignty : being not brought Home i' the time . Beside , the prophanation , Which may call on the censure of the Court . Host. Let him be blanketted . Call vp the Quarter-master . Deliuer him ore , to Flie . Stu. O good my Lord . Host. Pillage the Pinnace . Lad. Let his wife be stript . Bea. Blow off her vpper deck . Lat. Teare all her tackle , Lad. Pluck the polluted robes ouer her eares ; Or cut them all to pieces , make a fire o' them : Pru. To rags , and cinders , burn th' idolatrous vestures . Hos. Flie , & your fellowes , see that the whole censure Be throughly executed . Fly. Wee l tosse him , brauely . Till the stuffe stinke againe . Host. And send her home , Diuested to her flanell , in a cart . Lat. And let her Footman beat the bason afore her . Fli. The Court shall be obei'd . Hos. Fly , & his officers Will doe it fiercely . Stu. Mercifull queene Pru . Pru. I cannot help you . Bea. Go thy wayes Nic Stuffe , Thou hast nickt it for a fashioner of Venery ! Lat. For his owne hell ! though he run ten mile for 't . Pru. O here comes Lovel , for his second houre . Bea. And after him , the tipe of Spanish valour .
Act 4.
Scene 4. Lady . Lovel . Tipto . Latimer . Beaufort . Pru. Franke . Nurse . Host . Seruant , what haue you there ? Lou. A meditation , Or rather a vision , Madam , and of Beauty Our former subiect . Lad. Pray you let vs heare it . Lov. It was a beauty that I saw So pure , so perfect , as the frame Of all the vniuerse was lame , To that one figure , could I draw , Or giue least line of it a law ! A skeine of silke without a knot ! A faire march made without a halt ! A curious forme without a fault ! A printed booke without a blot . All beauty , and without a spot . Lad. They are gentle words , and would deserue a note , Set to 'hem , as gentle . Lov. I haue tri'd my skill . To close the second houre , if you will heare them , My boy by that time will haue got it perfect . Lad. Yes , gentle seruant . In what calme he speakes , After this noise , and tumult , so vnmou'd , With that serenity of countenance , As if his thoughts did acquiesce in that Which is the obiect of the second houre , And nothing else . Pru. Well then summon the Court . Lad. I haue a sute to the Soueraigne of loue , If it may stand with the honour of the Court , To change the question but from loue , to valour , To heare , it said , but , what true valour is , Which oft begets true loue . Lat. It is a question Fit for the Court , to take true knowledge of , And hath my iust assent . Pru. Content . Bea. Content . Fra. Content . I am content , giue him his oath . Host.

Herebert Lovel , Thou shalt sweare vpon the testament of loue , To make answer to this question propounded to thee by the Court , What true valour is . And therein to tell the truth , the whole truth , and nothing but the truth . So help thee loue , and thy bright sword at need .

Lov. So help me loue and my good sword at need . It is the greatest vertue , and the safety Of all mankinde , the obiect of it is danger . A certaine meane 'twixt feare , and confidence : No inconsiderate rashnesse , or vaine appetite Of false encountring formidable things ; But a true science of distinguishing What 's good or euill . It springs out of reason , And tends to perfect honesty , the scope Is alwayes honour , and the publique good : It is no valour for a priuate cause . Bea. No ? not for reputation ? Lov That 's mans Idoll , Set vp 'gainst God , the maker of all lawes , Who hath commanded vs we should not kill ; And yet we say , we must for reputation . What honest man can either feare his owne , Or else will hurt anothers reputation ? Feare to doe base , vnworthy things , is valour , If they be done to vs , to suffer them , Is valour too . The office of a man That 's truly valiant , is considerable Three wayes : The first is in respect of matter , Which still is danger ; in respect of forme , Wherein he must preserue his dignity ; And in the end , which must be euer lawfull . Lat. But men , when they are heated , and in passion , Cannot consider . Lov. Then it is not valour . I neuer thought an angry person valiant : Vertue is neuer ayded by a vice . What need is there of anger , and of tumult ? When reason can doe the same things , or more ? Bea. O yes , 't is profitable , and of vse , It makes vs fierce , and fit to vndertake . Lov. Why so will drink make vs both bold , and rash . Or phrensie if you will , doe these make valiant ? They are poore helps , and vertue needs them not . No man is valianter by being angry , But he that could not valiant be without : So , that it comes not in the aid of vertue , But in the stead of it . Lat. He holds the right . Lov. And 't is an odious kinde of remedy , To owe our health to a disease . Tip. If man Should follow the dictamen of his passion , He could not scape — Bea. To discompose himselfe . Lat. According to Don Lewis ! Host. Or Caranza ! Lov. Good Colonel Glorious , whilst we treat of valour , Dismisse your selfe . Lat. You are not concern'd . Lov. Go drink , And congregate the Hostlers , and the Tapsters , The vnder-officers o' your regiment ; Compose with them , and be not angry valiant ! Tipto goes out . Bea. How do's that differ from true valour ? Lov. Thus . In the efficient , or that which makes it , For it proceeds from passion , not from iudgement : Then brute beasts haue it , wicked persons , there It differs in the subiect : in the forme , 'T is carried rashly , and with violence : Then i' the end , where it respects not truth , Or publique honesty ; but mere reuenge . Now confident , and vndertaking valour , Swayes from the true , two other wayes ; as being A trust in our owne faculties , skill , or strength , And not the right , or conscience o' th' cause , That workes it : Then i' the end , which is the victory , And not the honour . Bea. But the ignorant valour That knowes not why it undertakes , but doth it T' escape the infamy merely — Lov. Is worst of all : That valour lies , i' the eyes o' the lookers on ; And is cal'd valour with a witnesse . Bea. Right : Lov. The things true valour is exercis'd about , Are pouerty , restraint , captiuity , Banishment , losse of children , long disease : The least is death . Here valour is beheld , Properly seene ; about these it is present : Not triuiall things , which but require our confidence . And , yet to those , we must obiect our selues , Only for honesty : if any other Respect be mixt , we quite put out her light . And as all knowledge , when it is remou'd Or separate from iustice , is cal'd craft , Rather then wisdome : so a minde affecting , Or vndertaking dangers , for ambition , Or any selfe pretext , not for the publique , Deserues the name of daring , not of valour , And ouer-daring is as great a vice , As ouer-fearing . Lat. Yes , and often greater . Lov. But as is not the mere punishment , But cause that , makes a martyr , so it is not Fighting , or dying ; but the manner of it Renders a man himselfe . A valiant man Ought not to vndergoe , or tempt a danger , But worthily , and by selected wayes : He vndertakes with reason , not by chance . His valour is the salt to his other vertues , They are all vnseason'd without it . The waiting maids , Or the concomitants of it , are his patience , His magnanimity , his confidence , His constancy , security , and quiet ; He can assure himselfe against all rumour ! Despaires of nothing ! laughs at contumelies ! As knowing himselfe , aduanced in a height Where iniury cannot reach him , nor aspersion Touch him with soyle ! Lad. Most manly vtterd all ! As if Achilles had the chaire in valour , And Hercules were but a Lecturer ! Who would not hang vpon those lips for euer ! That strike such musique ? I could run on them ; But modesty is such a schoole mistresse , To keepe our sexe in awe . Pru. Or you can faine ! my Subtill and dissembling Lady mistresse . Lat. I feare she meanes it , Pru , in too good earnest ! Lov. The purpose of an iniury 't is to vexe And trouble me : now , nothing can doe that , To him that 's valiant . He that is affected With the least iniury , is lesse then it . It is but reasonable , to conclude That should be stronger , still , which hurts , then that Which is hurt . Now no wickednesse is stronger , Then what opposeth it : Not Fortunes selfe , When she encounters vertue , but comes off Both lame , and lesse ! why should a wise man then , Confesse himselfe the weaker , by the feeling Of a fooles wrong ? There may an iniury Be meant me , I may choose , if I will take it . But we are , now , come to that delicacie , And tendernesse of sense , we thinke an insolence Worse then an iniury , beare words worse then deeds ; We are not so much troubled with the wrong , As with the opinion of the wrong ! like children , We are made afraid with visors ! Such poore sounds As is the lie , or common words of spight . Wise lawes thought neuer worthy a reuenge ; And 't is the narrownesse of humane nature , Our pouerty , and beggery of spirit , To take exception at these things . He laugh'd at me ! He broke a iest ! a third tooke place of me ! How most ridiculous quarrels are all these ? Notes of a queasie , and sick stomack , labouring With want of a true iniury ! the maine part Of the wrong , is , our vice of taking it . Lat. Or our interpreting it to be such . Lov. You take it rightly . If a woman , or child Giue me the lie , would I be angry ? no , Not if I were i' my wits , sure I should thinke it No spice of a disgrace . No more is theirs , If I will thinke it , who are to be held In as contemptible a ranke , or worse . I am kept out a Masque , sometime thrust out , Made wait a day , two , three , for a great word , Which ( when it comes forth ) is all frown , and forehead ! What laughter should this breed , rather then anger ! Out of the tumult , of so many errors , To feele , with contemplation , mine owne quiet ? If a great person doe me an affront , A Giant of the time , sure , I will beare it Or out of patience , or necessity ! Shall I doe more for feare , then for my iudgement ? For me now to be angry with Hodge Huffle , Or Burst ( his broken charge ) if he be sawcy , Or our owne type of Spanish valour , Tipto , ( Who were he now necessited to beg Would aske an almes , like Conde Oliuares ) Were iust to make my selfe , such a vaine Animal As one of them . If light wrongs touch me not , No more shall great ; if not a few , not many . There 's nought so sacred with vs but may finde A sacrilegious person , yet the thing is No lesse diuine , cause the prophane can reach it . He is shot free , in battayle , is not hurt , Not he that is not hit . So he is valiant , That yeelds not vnto wrongs ; not he that scapes 'hem They that do pull downe Churches , and deface The holiest Altars , cannot hurt the God-head . A calme wise man may shew as much true valour , Amid'st these popular prouocations , As can an able Captaine shew security , By his braue conduct , through an enemies country . A wise man neuer goes the peoples way , But as the Planets still moue contrary To the worlds motion ; so doth he , to opinion : He will examine , if those accidents ( Which common fame cals iniuries ) happen to him Deseruedly , or no ? come they deseruedly , They are no wrongs then , but his punishments : If vndeseruedly , and he not guilty , The doer of them , first , should blush , not he . Lat. Excellent ! Bea. Truth , and right ! Fra. An Oracle Could not haue spoken more ! Lad. Beene more beleeu'd ! Pru. The whole Court runnes into your sentence , Sir ! And see , your second houre is almost ended . Lad. It cannot be ! O clip the wings of time , Good Pru , or make him stand still with a charme . Distill the gout into it , cramps , all diseases T' arrest him in the foot , and fix him here : O , for an engine , to keepe backe all clocks ! Or make the Sunne forget his motion ! If I but knew what drinke the Time now lou'd , To set my Trundle at him , mine owne Barnabe ! Pru. Why ? I 'le consult our Shelee nien , To-mas . Nur. Er grae Chreest . Bea. Wake her not . Nur. Tower een Cuppan D'vsque bagh doone . Pru. Vsquebagh 's her drinke . But 't wi' not make the time drunke . Host. As 't hath her , Away with her , my Lord , but marry her first . Pru , Pru. I , that 'll be sport anone too , for my Lady . But she hath other game to fly at yet : The houre is come , your kisse . Lad. My seruants song , first . Pru. I say the kisse , first ; and I so enioyn'd it : At your owne perill , doe , make the contempt . Lad. Well Sir , you must be pay'd , and legally . Pru. Nay nothing , Sir , beyond . Lov. One more I — except . This was but halfe a kisse , and I would change it . Pur. The Court 's dissolu'd , remou'd , and the play ended . No sound , or aire of Loue more , I decree it . Lov. From what a happinesse hath that one word Throwne me , into the gulfe of misery ? To what a bottomlesse despaire ? how like A Court remoouing , or an ended Play Shewes , my abrupt precipitate estate , By how much more my vaine hopes were encreas'd By these false houres of conuersation ? Did not I prophesie this , of my selfe , And gaue the true prognosticks ? o my braine ! How art thou turned ! and my blood congeald ! My sinewes slackned ! and my marrow melted ! That I remember not where I haue bin , Or what I am ? Only my tongue 's on fire ; And burning downward , hurles forth coales , & cinders , To tell , this temple of loue , will soone be ashes ! Come Indignation , now , and be my mistresse , No more of Loues ingratefull tyranny . His wheele of torture , and his pits of bird-lime , His nets of nooses , whirle-pooles of vexation , His mils , to grind his seruants into powder — I will goe catch the wind first in a sieue , Weigh smoak , and measure shadowes , plough the water , And sow my hopes there , ere I stay in Loue . Lat. My iealousie is off , I am now secure . Lov. Farewell the craft of crocodiles , womens piety , And practise of it , in this art of flattering , And fooling men . I ha' not lost my reason , Though I haue lent my selfe out , for two howres , Thus to be baffuld by a Chambermaid , And the good Actor , her Lady , afore mine Host , Of the light Heart , here , that hath laught at all — , Host. Who I ? Lov. Laugh on , Sir , I le to bed , and sleepe , And dreame away the vapour of Loue , if th' house And your leere drunkards let me . Lad . Pru . Pru. Sweet Madame . Lad. Why would you let him goe thus ? Pru. In whose power Was it to stay him , prop'rer then my Ladies ! Lad. Why , in her Ladies ? Are not you the Soueraigne ? Pru. Would you , in conscience , Madame , ha me vexe His patience more ? Lad. Not but apply the cure , Now it is vex't . Pru. That 's but one bodies worke . Two cannot doe the same thing handsomely . Lad. But had not you the authority , absolute ? Pru. And were not you i'rebellion , Lady Frampal , From the beginning ? Lad. I was somewhat froward , I must confesse , but frowardnesse sometime Becomes a beauty , being but a visor Put on . You 'l let a Lady weare her masque , Pru . Pru. But how do I know , when her Ladiship is pleas'd To leaue it off , except she tell me so ? Lad. You might ha' knowne that by my lookes , and language , Had you beene or regardant , or obseruant . One woman , reads anothers character , Without the tedious trouble of deciphering : If she but giue her mind to 't , you knew well , It could not sort with any reputation Of mine , to come in first , hauing stood out So long , without conditions , for mine honor . Pru. I thought you did expect none , you so jeer'd him , And put him off with scorne - Lad. Who , I , with scorn ? I did expresse my loue , to idolatry rather , And so am iustly plagu'd , not vnderstood . Pru. I sweare , I thought you had dissembled , Madam , And doubt , you do so yet . Lad. Dull , stupid , wench ! Stay i' thy state of ignorance still , be damn'd , An idiot Chambermayd ! Hath all my care , My breeding thee in fashion , thy rich clothes , Honours , and titles wrought no brighter effects On thy darke soule , then thus ? Well! go thy wayes , Were not the Tailors wife , to be demolish'd , Ruin'd , vncas'd , thou shouldst be she , I vow . Pru. Why , take your spangled properties , your gown , And scarfes . Lad. Pru , Pru , what doest thou meane ? Pru. I will not buy this play-boyes brauery , At such a price , to be vpbraided for it , Thus , euery minute . Lad. Take it not to heart so . Pru. The Taylors wife ? There was a word of scorn ! Lad. It was a word fell from me , Pru , by chance . Pru. Good Madame , please to vndeceaue your selfe , I know when words do slip , and when they are darted With all their bitternesse : vncas'd ? demolish't ? An idiot — Chambermaid , stupid , and dull ? Be damn'd for ignorance ? I will be so . And thinke I doe deserue it , that , and more , Much more I do . Lad. Here comes mine Host ! No crying ! Good Pru . Where is my seruant Lovel , Host ? Hos. Yo ha sent him vp to bed , would , you would follow him ! And make my house amends ! Lad. Would you aduise it ? Hos. I would I could command it . My light heart Should leape till midnight . Lad. Pray thee be not sullen , I yet must ha' thy counsell . Thou shalt weare , Pru , The new gowne , yet . Pru. After the Taylours wise ? Lad. Come , be not angrie , or grieu'd : I haue a project . Hos. Wake Sheleenien Thomas ! Is this your Heraldrie ? And keeping of records , to loose the maine ? Where is your charge ? Nur. Gra chreest ! Hos. Goe aske , th' oracle O' the bottle , at your girdle , there you lost it : You are a sober setter of the watch .
Act. 5.
Scene 1. Host . Fly. Come Fly , and legacie , the Bird o' the heart : Prime insect of the Inne , Professor , Quarter-master , As euer thou deserued'st thy daily drinke , Padling in sacke , and licking i' the same , Now shew thy selfe an implement of price , And helpe to raise a nap to vs , out of nothing , Thou saw'st 'hem married ? Fly. I doe thinke , I did , And heard the words , Philip , I take thee , Latice , I gaue her too , was then the father Flie , And heard the Priest do his part , far as fiue nobles Would lead him i' the lines of matrimonie . Host. Where were they married ? Fly. I' th new stable , ( Hos. Ominous ! I ha' knowne many a church beene made a stable , But not a stable made a church till now I wish 'hem ioy . Fly , was he a full priest ? Fly. He belly'd for it , had his veluet sleeues , And his branch'd cassock , a side sweeping gowne , All his formalities , a good cramm'd diuine ! I went not farre to fetch him , the next Inne , Where he was lodg'd , for the action . Hos. Had they a licence ? Fly. Licence of loue , I saw no other , and purse , To pay the duties both of Church , and house , The angels flew about . Host. Those birds send luck : And mirth will follow . I had thought to ha' sacrific'd , To merriment to night , i' my light Heart , Fly , And like a noble Poet , to haue had My last act best : but all failes i' the plot . Lovel is gone to bed ; the Lady Frampull And Soueraigne Pru falne out : Tipto , and his Regiment Of mine-men , al drunk dumbe , from his whop Barnaby , To his hoope Trundle : they are his two Tropicks . No proiect to reare laughter on , but this , The marriage of Lord Beaufort , with Laetitia . Stay ! what 's here ! The sattin gowne redeem'd ! And Pru restor'd in 't , to her Ladyes grace ! Fly. She is set forth in 't ! rig'd for some imployment ! Hos. An Embassy at least ! Fly. Some treaty of state ! Host. 'T is a fine tack about ! and worth the obseruing .
Act 5.
Scene 2. Lady . Prudence . Host . Fly. Sweet Pru , I , now thou art a Queene indeed ! These robes doe royally ! and thou becom'st 'hem ! So they doe thee ! rich garments only fit The partyes they are made for ! they shame others . How did they shew on good'y Taylors back ! Like a Caparison for a Sow , God saue vs ! Thy putting hem on hath purg'd , and hallow'd 'hem From all pollution , meant by the Mechanicks . Pru. Hang him poore snip , a secular shop-wit ! H' hath nought but his sheeres to claime by , & his measures , His prentise may as well put in , for his needle , And plead a stitch . Lad. They haue no taint in 'hem , Now o' the Taylor . Pru. Yes , of his wiues hanches , Thus thick of fat ; I smell 'hem , o' the say . Lad. It is restoratiue , Pru ! with thy but chafing it , A barren Hindes grease may worke miracles . Finde but his chamber doore , and he will rise To thee ! or if thou pleasest , faine to be The wretched party her selfe , and com'st vnto him In forma pauperis , to craue the aide Of his Knight errant valour , to the rescue Of thy distressed robes ! name but thy gowne , And he will rise to that ! Pru . I le fire the charme first , I had rather dye in a ditch , with Mistresse Shore , Without a smock , as the pitifull matter has it , Then owe my wit to cloathes , or ha' it beholden . Host. Still spirit of Pru ! Fly. And smelling o' the Soueraigne ! Pru. No , I will tell him , as it is , indeed ; I come from the fine , froward , frampull Lady , One was runne mad with pride , wild with selfe-loue , But late encountring a wise man , who scorn'd her , And knew the way to his owne bed , without Borrowing her warming pan , she hath recouerd Part of her wits : so much as to consider How farre she hath trespass'd , vpon whom , and how . And now sits penitent and solitary , Like the forsaken Turtle , in the volary Of the light Heart , the cage , she hath abus'd , Mourning her folly , weeping at the height She measures with her eye , from whence she is falne , Since she did branch it , on the top o' the wood . Lad. I pr'y thee Pru , abuse me enough , that 's vse me As thou thinkest fit , any course way , to humble me , Or bring me home againe , or Lovel on : Thou doest not know my suffrings , what I feele , my fires , and feares , are met : I burne , and freeze , My liuer 's one great coale , my heart shrunke vp With all the fiuers , and the masse of blood Within me , is a standing lake of fire , Curl'd with the cold wind of my gelid sighs , That driue a drift of sleete through all my body , And shoot a February through my veines . Vntill I see him , I am drunke with thirst , And surfeted with hunger of his presence . I know not wher I am , or no , or speake , Or whether thou doest heare me . Pru. Spare expressions . I le once more venture for your Ladiship , So you will vse your fortunes reuerendly . Lad. Religiously , deare Pru , Loue and his Mother , I le build them seuerall Churches , Shrines , and Altars , And ouer head , I le haue , in the glasse windowes , The story of this day be painted , round , For the poore Layety of loue to read , I le make my selfe their booke , nay their example , To bid them take occasion by the forelock , And play no after-games of Loue , hereafter . Host. And here your Host , and 's Fly , witnes your vowes . And like two lucky birds , bring the presage Of a loud iest : Lord Beaufort married is . Lad. Ha ! Fli. All to be married . Pru. To whom , not your sonne ? Host. The same Pru. If her Ladiship could take truce A little with her passion , and giue way To their mirth now running . Lad. Runn's it mirth , let 't come , It shall be well receiu'd , and much made of it . Pru. We must of this , It was our owne conception .
Act 5.
Scene 3. — Latimer . To them . Roome for green rushes , raise the Fidlers , Chamberlain , Call vp the house in armes . Hos. This will rouze Lovel . Fly. And bring him on too . Lat. Shelee-neen . Runns like a Heyfar , bitten with the Brieze , About the court , crying on Fly , and cursing . Fly. For what , my Lord ? Lat. Yo'were best heare that from her , It is no office , Fly , fits my relation . Here come the happy couple ! Ioy , Lord Beaufort . Fly. And my yong Lady too . Hos. Much ioy , my Lord !
Act 5.
Scene 4. Beaufort . Franke . Seruant . ( To them . I thanke you all , I thanke thee , Father Fly . Madam , my Cossen , you looke discompos'd , I haue beene bold with a sallad , after supper , O' your owne lettice , here : Lad. You haue , my Lord . But lawes of hospitality , and faire rites , Would haue made me acquainted . Bea. I' your owne house , I doe acknowledge : Else , I much had trespass'd . But in an Inne , and publique , where there is licence Of all community : a pardon o' course May be su'de out . Lat. It will , my Lord , and carry it . I doe not see , how any storme , or tempest Can helpe it , now . Pru. The thing being done , and past , You beare it wisely , and like a Lady of iudgement . Bea. She is that , secretary Pru . Pru. Why secretary ? My wise Lord ? is your braine lately maried ? Bea. Your raigne is ended , Pru , no soueraigne now : Your date is out , and dignity expir'd . Pru. I am annul'd , how can I treat with Lovel , Without a new commission ? Lad. Thy gown's commission . Host. Haue patience , Pru , expect , bid the Lord ioy . Pru. And this braue Lady too . I wish them ioy . Pei. Ioy . Ior . Ioy . Iug . All ioy . Hos. I , the house full of ioy . Fly Play the bels , Fidlers , crack your strings with ioy . Pru. But Lady Letice , you shew'd a neglect Vn-to-be-pardon'd , to'ards my Lady , your kinswoman , Not to advise with her . Bea. Good politique Pru , Vrge not your state-aduice , your after-wit ; 'T is neare vpbraiding . Get our bed ready , Chamberlain , And Host , a Bride-cup , you haue rare conceipts , And good ingredients , euer an old Host Vpo' the road , has his prouocatiue drinks . Lat. He is either a good Baud , or a Physician . Bea. 'T was well he heard you not , his back was turn'd . A bed , the Geniall bed , a brace of boyes To night I play for . Pru. Giue vs points , my Lord . Bea. Here take 'hem , Pru , my cod-piece point , and all , I ha' claspes , my Letice armes here take 'hem boyes . What is the chamber ready ? speake , why stare you ! On one another ? Ior. No Sir . Bea. And why no ? Ior. My master has forbid it . He yet doubts That you are married . Bea. Aske his vicar generall , His Fly , here . Fly. I must make that good , they are married . Host. But I must make it bad , my hot yong Lord . Gi' him his doublet againe , the aier is peircing ; You may take cold , my Lord . See whom you ha' married , Your hosts sonne , and a boy . Fly. You are abus'd . Lad. Much ioy , my Lord . Pru. If this be your Latitia , Shee 'l proue a counterfeit mirth , and a clip'd Lady . Ser. A boy , a boy ; my Lord has married a boy . Lat. Raise all the house in shout , and laughter , a boy ! Host. Stay , what is here ! peace rascals , stop your throats .
Act 5.
Scene 5. — Nurse . ( To them . That magot , worme , that insect ! O my child , My daughter ! where 's that Fly ? I le fly in his face , The vermin , let me come to him . Fly. Why Nurse Shelee ? Nur. Hang thee thou Parasite , thou sonne of crums , And ortes , thou hast vndone me , and my child , My daughter , my deare daughter . Ho. What meanes this ? Nur. O Sir , my daughter , my deare child is ruin'd , By this your Fly , here , married in a stable , And sold vnto a husband . Host. Stint thy cry , Harlot , if that be all , did'st thou not sell him To me for a boy ? and brought'st him in boyes rags , Here to my doore , to beg an almes of me ? Nur. I did good Mr , and I craue your pardon . But 't is my daughter , and a girle . Host. Why sayd'st thou It was a boy , and sold'st him then , to me With such entreaty , for ten shillings , Carlin ? Nur. Because you were a charitable man I heard , good Mr , and would breed him well , I would ha' giu'n him you , for nothing , gladly . Forgiue the lie o' my mouth , it was to saue The fruit o' my wombe . A parents needs are vrgent . And few doe know that tyrant o're good natures . But you relieu'd her , and me too , the Mother , And tooke me into your house to be the nurse , For which heauen heape all blessings on your head , Whilst there can one be added . Host. Sure thou speakst Quite like another creature , then th' hast liu'd , Here , i' the house , a Shelee-neen Thomas , An Irish beggar . Nur. So I am , God helpe me . Host. What art thou ? tell , The match is a good match , For ought I see : ring the bels once a gaine . Bea. Stint , I say , Fidlers . Lad. No going off my Lord . Bea. Nor comming on sweet Lady , things thus standing ! Fly. But what 's the haynousnesse of my offence ? Or the degrees of wrong you suffer'd by it ? In hauing your daughter match't thus happily , Into a noble house , a braue yong blood , And a prime peere o' the Realme ? Bea. Was that your plot , Fly ? Gi' me a cloak , take her againe among you . I le none of your light-Heart fosterlings , no Inmates , suppositions fruits of an Host's braine , And his Flys hatching , to be put vpon me . There is a royall Court o' the Star-chamber Will scatter all these mists , disperse these vapours , And cleare the truth . Let beggers match with beggers . That shall decide it , I will try it there . Nur. Nay then my Lord , It s not enough , I see You are licentious , but you will be wicked . Yo' are not alone content to take my daughter , Against the law ; but hauing taken her , You would repudiate , and cast her off , Now , at your pleasure , like a beast of power , Without all cause , or colour of a cause , That , or a noble , or an honest man , Should dare t' except against , her pouerty . Is pouerty a vice ? Bea. Th' age counts it so . Nur. God helpe your Lordship , and your peeres that think so , If any be : if not , God blesse them all , And helpe the number o' the vertuous , If pouerty be a crime . You may obiect Our beggery to vs , as an accident , But neuer deeper , no inherent basenesse . And I must tell you , now , yong Lord of durt , As an incensed mother , she hath more , And better blood , running i'those small veines , Then all the race of Beauforts haue in masse , Though they distill their drops from the left rib Of Iohn O' Gaunt . Host. Old mother o' records , Thou know'st her pedegree , then : whose daughter is she ? Nur. The daughter and coheire to the Lord Frampull , This Ladies sister ! Lad. Mine ? what is her name ? Nur. Laetitia . Lad That was lost ? Nur. The true Latitia . Lad. Sister , O gladnesse ! Then you are our mother ? Nur. I am , deare daughter . Lad. On my knees , I blesse The light I see you by . Nur. And to the author Of that blest light , I ope my other eye , Which hath almost , now , seuen yeare beene shut , Darke , as my vow was , neuer to see light , Till such a light restor'd it , as my children , Or your deare father , who ( I heare ) is not . Bea. Giue me my wife , I owne her now , and will haue her . Host. But you must aske my leaue first , my yong Lord , Leaue is but light . Ferret , Goe bolt your Master , Here 's geare will startle him . I cannot keepe The passion in me , I am eene turn'd child , And I must weepe . Fly , take away mine host , My beard , and cap here , from me , and fetch my Lord . I am her father , Sir , and you shall now Aske my consent , before you haue her . Wife ! My deare and louing wife ! my honor'd wife ! Who here hath gain'd but I ? I am Lord Frampull , The cause of all this trouble ? I am he Haue measur'd all the Shires of England ouer : Wales , and her mountaines , seene those wilder nations , Of people in the Peake , and Lancashire ; Their Pipers , Fidlers , Rushers , Puppet-masters , Iuglers , and Gipseys , all the sorts of Canters , And Colonies of beggars , Tumblers , Ape-carriers , For to these sauages I was addicted , To search their natures , and make odde discoueries ! And here my wife , like a she Mandeuile , Ventred in disquisition , after me . Nur. I may looke vp , admire , I cannot speake Yet , to my Lord . Host. Take heart , and breath , recouer , Thou hast recouer'd me , who here had coffin'd My selfe aliue , in a poore hostelry , In pennance of my wrongs done vnto thee Whom I long since gaue lost . Nur. So did I you , Till stealing mine owne daughter from her sister , I lighted on this errour hath cur'd all . Bea. And in that cure , include my trespasse , Mother , And Father , for my wife - Host. No , the Star-chamber . Bea. Away with that , you sowre the sweetest lettice Was euer tasted . Host. Gi' you ioy , my Sonne , Cast her not off againe . O call me Father , Lovel , and this your Mother , if you like : But take your Mistris , first , my child ; I haue power To giue her now , with her consent , her sister Is giuen already to your brother Beaufort . Lov. Is this a dreame now , after my first sleepe ? Or are these phant'sies made i' the light Heart ? And sold i' the new Inne ? Host. Best goe to bed , And dreame it ouer all . Let 's all goe sleepe , Each with his Turtle . Fly , prouide vs lodgings , Get beds prepar'd : yo' are master now o' the Inne , The Lord o' the light Heart , I giue it you . Fly , was my fellow Gipsey . All my family , Indeed , were Gipseys , Tapsters , Ostlers , Chamberlaines , Reduced vessels of ciuility . But here stands Pru , neglected , best deseruing Of all that are i' the house , or i' my Heart , Whom though I cannot helpe to a fit husband , I le helpe to that will bring one , a iust portion : I haue two thousand pound in banke , for Pru , Call for it when she will Bea. And I as much . Host. There 's somewhat yet , foure thousand pound ! that 's better , Then sounds the prouerbe , foure bare legs in a bed . Lov. Me , and her mistresse , she hath power to coyne Vp , into what she will . Lad. Indefinite Pru . Lat. But I must doe the crowning act of bounty ! Host. What 's that , my Lord ? Lat. Giue her my selfe , By all the holy vowes of loue I doe , Spare all your promis'd portions , she is a dowry which here So all sufficient in her vertue and manners , That fortune cannot adde to her . Pru. My Lord , Your praises , are instructions to mine eares , Whence , you haue made your wife , to liue your seruant . Host. Lights , get vs seuerall lights . Lov. Stay let my Mrs But heare my vision sung , my dreame of beauty , Which I haue brought , prepar'd , to bid vs ioy , And light vs all to bed , 't will be instead Of ayring of the sheets with a sweet odour . Host. 'T will be an incense to our sacrifice Of loue to night , where I will woo afresh , And like Mecaenas , hauing but one wife , I le marry her , euery houre of life , hereafter . They goe out , with a Song .
Epilogue . PLayes in themselues haue neither hopes , nor feares , Their fate is only in their hearers eares : If you expect more then you had to night , The maker is sick , and sad . But doe him right , He meant to please you : for he sent things fit , In all the numbers , both of sense , and wit , If they ha' not miscarried ! if they haue , All that his faint , and faltring tongue doth craue , Is , that you not impute it to his braine . That 's yet vnhurt , although set round with paine , It cannot long hold out . All strength must yeeld . Yet iudgement would the last be , i the field , With a true Poet . He could haue hal'd in The drunkards , and the noyses of the Inne , In his last Act ; if he had thought it fit To vent you vapours , in the place of wit : But better 't was , that they should sleepe , or spew , Then in the Scene to offend or him , or you . This he did thinke ; and this doe you forgiue : When ere the carcasse dies , this Art will liue . And had he liu'd the care of King , and Queene , His Art in somthing more yet had beene seene ; But Maiors , and Shriffes may yearely fill the stage : A Kings , or Poets birth doe aske an age .
Another Epilogue there was , made for the Play in the Poets defence , but the Play liu'd not , in opinion , to haue it spoken . A Iouiall Host , and Lord of the new Inne , Clep't the light Heart , with all that past therein , Hath beene the subiect of our Play to night , To giue the King , and Queene , and Court delight . But , then we meane , the Court aboue the stayres , And past the guard ; men that haue more of eares , Then eyes to iudge vs : Such as will not hisse Because the Chambermaid was named Cis . We thinke , it would haue seru'd our Scene as true , If , as it is , at first we had call'd her Pru , For any mystery we there haue found , Or magick in the letters , or the sound . She only meant was , for a girle of wit , To whom her Lady did a Prouince fit : Which she would haue discharg'd , and , done as well , Had she beene christned Ioyce , Grace , Doll , or Nell .
The iust indignation the Author tooke at the vulgar censure of his Play , by some malicious spectators , begat this following Ode to himselfe . COme leaue the lothed stage , And the more lothsome age : Where pride , and impudence ( in faction knit ) Vsurpe the chaire of wit ! Indicting , and arraigning euery day Something they call a Play . Let their fastidious , vaine Commission of the braine Run on , and rage , sweat , censure , and condem'n : They were not made for thee , lesse , thou for them . Say , that thou pour'st them wheat , And they will acornes eat : 'T were simple fury , still , thy selfe to waste On such as haue no taste ! To offer them a surfet of pure bread , Whose appetites are dead ! No , giue them graines their fill , Huskes , draffe to drinke , and swill . If they loue lees , and leaue the lusty wine , Enuy them not their palate's , with the swine . No doubt some mouldy tale , Like Pericles ; and stale As the Shrieues custs , and nasty as his fishscraps , out euery dish , Throwne forth , and rak't into the common tub , May keepe vp the Play-club : There , sweepings doe as well As the best order'd meale . For , who the relish of these ghests will fit , Needs set them , but , the almes-basket of wit . And much good do 't you then : Braue plush , and veluet-men ; Can feed on orts : And safe in your stage-clothes , Dare quit , vpon your oathes , The stagers , and the stage-wrights too ( your peeres ) Of larding your large eares With their foule comick socks ; Wrought vpon twenty blocks : Which , if they are torne , and turn'd , & patch't enough , The gamesters share your guilt , and you their stuffe . Leaue things so prostitute , And take the Alcaick Lute ; Or thine owne Horace , or Anacreons Lyre ; Warme thee , by Findares fire : And though thy nerues be shrunke , and blood be cold , Ere yeares haue made thee old ; Strike that disdaine-full heate Throughout , to their defeate : As curious fooles , and enuious of thy straine , May , blushing , sweare no palsey 's in thy braine . But , when they heare thee sing The glories of thy King , His zeale to God , and his iust awe o're men ; They may , blood shaken , then , Feele such a flesh-quake to possesse their powers : As they shall cry , like ours In sound of peace , or warres , No Harpe ere hit the starres ; In tuning forth the acts of his sweet raigne : And raysing Charles his chariot , 'boue his Waine . The end .
Machine-generated castlist A04658-host 190 A04658-prudence 138 A04658-lady 116 A04658-tipto 104 A04658-lovell 95 A04658-beaufort 81 A04658-fly 75 A04658-latimer 59 A04658-peirce 38 A04658-ferret 30 A04658-nurse 25 A04658-pinnacia 20 A04658-peck 19 A04658-burst 16 A04658-frampul 16 A04658-trundle 16 A04658-huffle 15 A04658-stuff 13 A04658-barnabe 13 A04658-jordan 12 A04658-jug 8 A04658-unassigned 4 A04658-lovel 2 A04658-hodge 2 A04658-servant 1 A04658-huf 1
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be●e Piece to thee : If not so much , would I had bene at the charge of thy better litterature Misiresse of free colloquy , and loue-making to his Mistresse , one , after Dinner , the other after Supper ●nuited Lady Frampul , from the window , shee is inuited vp , for safety , where comming , and conducted knit●ing fifth , and last Act is the Catastrophe , or knitting vp of all , where Fly brings word to the whil● and all the seruants of the house . In this while , L. Beaufort comes in , and professes it GOod-stocke Good-stocke , the Host ( playd well ) alias , the Lord alia● Good-stocke , the Host ( playd well ) alias , the Lord Frampul . He pretends to be a S●nne in Barnet : is supposed to haue one onely Sonne , but is found to haue none , but two Daughters Frampu's be Laetitia , sister to Frances , and Lord Frampuls yonger daughter , stolne by a begger-woman Sou●raigne Prudence . The Chamber-maid , is elected Soueraigne of the Sports in the Inne , gouernes all ●iuall luck to thinke well of himselfe , without a riuall , talkes gloriously of any thing , but very ●ne the Inne , visiter generall of the house , one that had beene a strolling Gipsee , but ig norance queasie age , And a shrew'd grudging too of ignorance , When clothes and faces 'boue the men aduance complexionsi'the maintayne the Rebus 'gainst all humors , And all complexions i'the body of Man , That's my word , or hea● boyes to bring my haruest home , Or I shall heare no Flayles thwack . Here , your master , phantallique Ants egges , with the Silke-wormes , By a phantastique instrument of thred , Shall giue you their fl●e key-hole - But neuer had the fate to see a flye — L● Ent. Louel. ●'your We ha set our rest vp here , Sir , i'your Heart . ●nlesse your heart at rest , you shall not doe it : vnlesse you can be iouiall . Brayne o'man , be iouiall ●e vnlesse you can be iouiall . Brayne o'man , be iouiall first , and drinke , and dance , ●s lodging here , and wi'your daily dumps , Is a mere libell 'gayn' my house and me ; And ●rie poore quotidian rack o'mutton , roasted , Drie , to be grated ! and that driuen downe VVith balder dash charta , Cor laetificat , To drinke such balderdash , or bonny clabbee ! Gi'me good wine , or po●sie Be merry , and drinke Sherry ; that's my poesie ! For I shall neuer ioy i'my light heart speak● En. Fra. to his child o'the by the Host speakes ●d O Lord , Sir , he prates Latine And 'twere a parrat , or a play . boy . ●ommend'st Thou — commend'st him fitly . ●beard-brush you what is Latine for a looking-glasse , beard-brush , rubber , or quick-warming pan . ●v. Lov. ●owes , in your scurrile dialect . But my Inne Knowes no such language . ●d , I doe teach him somewhat . By degrees , And with a funnell , I make shift to fill the ●me I prouide for those , too . Come hither Franke , speake to the gentleman ●ong gentleman Latine : He is melancholy ; say , I long to see him merry , and so would treat him ●ite Subtristis visu' es esse aliquantulùm patri , Qui te lautè excipere , etiam a● tractare gestit a● aliquantulùm patri , ●ite lautè excipere , etiam ac tractare gestit . ge●tit , ●ite lautè excipere , etiam a● tractare gestit . Pulchr● Pulchro . ●s him , I feare it bodes vs some ill luck , His too reseruednesse . pa●er Veretur pater , 〈◊〉 quid nobis mali ominis apportet iste 〈◊〉 Veretur pa●er , Ne quid nobis mali ominis apportet iste ●mis ●mis 〈◊〉 quid nobis mali ominis apportet iste Nimis praeclusus vultus . ●u Bellè . A fine child ! You wou'not part with him , mine host ? ●o And I answere . To whom ? for what ? H●.. Hos. nobl● that was , when the nourceries selfe , was noble And only vertue made it , not the mercate my stery , the art of Thrace , To ride ? or Pollux mystery , to fence ? The Pyrrhick gestures , both confeffeit Sir , and you confesse it , Both i'your language , treaty , and B●th Sir , and you confesse it , Both i'your language , treaty , and your bearing say●s white Hen ; Nor can we , as the Songster sayes , come all To be wrapt soft and warme in Rogu● slinke , but skinke , or else you stinke . Rogue , Baud , and Cheater , call you by the surnames L●ade Because you are sad , and lumpish ; carry a Loade stone I'your pocket , to hang kniues on ●his , to them , So I can spring a smile , but this brow , That like the rugged Roman Alderman th'extrau●gants share , At large , and bene i'the altitudes , th'extrauagants , Neither my selfe , nor any of mine haue confume And takes all lordly wayes how to consume it As nobly as she can ; if cloathes , and Icannot I cannot tel , dischargd I'am sure it is . seene● Why were you seene? B●y-leafe Ferne-seed in my pocket ; Nor an Opal Wrapt in a Bay-leafe , i'my left fist , To charme their eyes 〈◊〉 I , the subtlest of vs ! Al that is borne vnprositable loue ! I was the laziest creature , The most vnprofitable signe of nothing , The veriest drone , and Tn●u Thou must make shift with it . Pride feeles no pain● must make shift with it . Pride feeles no pain. Girt thee hard , Scizzer● To be crop'd With his owne Scizzers . stumpssear'd And ha' the stumps fear'd vp with his owne searing candle ? ha'touch't No , no life I would ha' touch't , but stretch'd on his owne yard He shold strappad● his owne yard He shold be alittle , ha' the strappado ? wenc● Weare it wench br●ed thee , and the source of mirth That it may breed , but is he bold enough , The child ? and Pr● Which thou wilt , Pru. ●ayld of apparrell , down , Because this Taylor fayld vs i'the maine . ●e But take him in , and sort a sute for him , we giue our Trundle his instructions ; And ●'the that answer If you be askd ; and giue it out i'the house , so . pl●rall Vs ? Do you speake plurall ? Trundl● And I thinke so too , Trundle . ●ace shalt be one , thou hast a Doctors looke ! A face disputatiue , of Salamanca . tiptocs One talkes vpon his tiptoes , if you'l heare him . a●cte Quasi magis ancte , My honourable Colonel . F●ther's VVhat antiquated Father's that , that talkes ? ●atron The worshipfull host , my patron , Mr. Good-stock : A merry Greke , and ofnewes Who is indeede a thorough fare of newes , Iack Iug with the broken belly , I●g is indeede a thorough fare of newes , Iack Iug with the broken belly , a witty fellow ! Ba●d Fortune's a Bawd And a blind Begger : 'tis their vanity ! Ti● Host. Tipto . Prudence . Beaufort . Latimer . Franke ●et Laetitia ! a faire omen ! And I take it . Let me haue still such Lettice for my lips : 〈◊〉 I mind No Court opinions . ●n As , to saue himselfe ( in him . ●s Or els condemn you to the bottles . pres●rue One must preserue the other . It●s It's well for you , you haue so happy expressions expressio●s It's well for you , you haue so happy expressions . commaud Charge , will , & command Her Ladiship , pain of our high displeasure Pru● Excellent Soueraigne ! And egregious Pru. appr●ue Which I cannot approue , and lesse make vse of : sh●ft thousand things may interuene , We see The winde shift often , thrice a day , sometimes ; Decrees awa● for the wrong to your friend , that feare's away , He rather wrongs himselfe , following Sou'●aignes Sou'raignes vse not To aske their subiects suffrage h●ures Come choose your houres , Better be happy for a part of time , Then fait Trot I am not content : in fait' I am not . Ser● I did tell him of Serly Was a great family come out of Ireland , ●hom our officer Pru . Twelue mile an houre ! Thom has the old trundle still . m● plague of all Iades , what a clap he has gi'n me sheerd him . He did leere so on me , And then he sneerd . As who would say take heed S'ah , And Ladi● Chambermaids are soueraignes , waite their Ladies. Fly scornes to breath . lam● Parcel Peck ! Art thou there ? how now ? lame 〈◊〉 Or bring his pe● The bottome vpwards , heap'd with oates pe● Or bring 〈◊〉 peck The bottome vpwards , heap'd with oates 〈◊〉 And foūd out your cheat. th● You were then, there , Vpo' your knees ; I doe remember ●p euery horse has his whole peck , and tumbles vp to the eares in littour , ●nd thing i'the rack , but two old cob webs ! And so much rotten hay , as had beene a hens ●er. Fer. hōrse be reueal'd to you , at some-times , Whose horse you ought to cosen ; with what conscience w● Whose horse was it ? 〈◊〉 Nor are they bound Alwayes to hold . iro● Though they be Spanish iron gentl● The same : and a fine gentle Was with him ! H● Who ? Hodge Huffle? gentl● A cheater , & another fine gentle A friend o' the Chamberlaynes ! Iordans Huf● friend o' the Chamberlaynes ! Iordans ! Mr Huffle He is Bursts protection . pis●'d Iordan , with that hum and state , As if he piss'd the Politiques ! Gipsies● packe away i' their trundling cheats , like Gipsies Huffl● I'le see the Bat , and Huffle . ●side , With these braue Gallants ; I will step aside Into the stables , and salute my Mares . go-base Yes doe : and sleepe with 'hem , let him go — base — whip-stocke . Hee's as drunke as Hee'● with 'hem , let him go base — whip-stocke . Hee's as drunke as a fish now , almost as dead O● I pr'y thee , doe then , Schrich . Owle . She brings to mind the fable o'the Dragon soueraig●ty Queene Regent of Loue , In this high court of soueraignty , Two speciall howers of addresse , To Herebert ●n O yez , &c. Whereas , &c. By the Qu. &c. In this high , &c. Two speciall , &c To Herebert ●aue , &c. Herebert Lov . &c. Make , &c. And saue , &c. c●ll T's done . Now Crier , call the Lady Frampul , And by the name of , f●rme , giue 'hem their oath . According to the forme , vpon Loue's Missal . ●ay Arise , and lay your hands , vpon the Booke . w●se neither haue , ne will haue , nor in any wise beare about you , thing , or things , pointed theselists things , pointed , or blunt , within these these lists , other then what are naturall , and iustneste or other power , then Loues only , and the iustnessee of your cause . So helpe you Loue , his yourseats contents of this Booke : Kisse it . Returne vnto your seats . Crier bid silence . N●r. Nur. N● relates Vnto the body ; circular , eternall ; Not fain'd , or made , but borne : And then notthese I relish not these philosophicall feasts : Giue me a oflouers They are the earthly , lower forme of louers , Are only taken with what strikes saire scale . Although I grant , We like , what's faire and gracefull in an obiect , And ( true ●'the braue Frontispice , Shall I stay captiue i'the outer court , Surpris'd with that , and 〈◊〉 heare me protest truth of affection Vnto a person that I would dishonor ? And what's cleans●d by caution , yet the conscience Cannot be cleans'd . For what was hitherto Cal'd by the name 〈◊〉 Plato , Heliodore , or Tatius , Sydney , D'Vrse , or all Loues Fathers , like him ? He , C●nons of Loue , And stood irregular , by all his Canons ? L●. Lat. Cr●ide verses , There , out of Chaucers Troilus , and Cresside ? Or to his mothers shrine , vow a Waxe-candle S●cratick Most Socratick Lady ! Or , if you will Ironick ! gi' you s●ly How swift is time , and slily steales away From them would hug it , value T●t Tut , she dissembles ! All is personated , And ha● Welcome Barnabe ! Where hast thou beene ? B● Which has wet thee , Ban . dri● As drie as a chip ! Good Iug , a cast o'thy name Lad● A great Lady I know no more : one , that will trie you Wher● Wheres thy hat 〈◊〉 Wher● thy hat way-Gi'me I lost it by the way — gi'me — another . I●. Ior. I●r. Ior. p●ticote A stately gowne ! And peticote , she has on ! 〈◊〉 Ha'you spi'd that , Iordan You'are a notable peerer , an old Rabbi Staggert . Come shew me to my play-fellowes , old Staggers , And father Tree . Bar●abe Here , this way , Barnabe . pa●e , but straight will furnish him Vpon his pase ! H●dge Of your fine Lady ! I am Hodge , My name is Huffle . wha● Keepe the peace gentlemen : what do you m● m● Keepe the peace gentlemen : what do you mean? pla●ing carry your goose about you , stil ? your planing 〈◊〉 Your tongue to smooth all is not here 〈◊〉 your goose about you , stil ? your pla●ing Iron? Your tongue to smooth all is not here fine that● Your wife ? ha'not I forbiden you that▪ ▪ Doe you thinke I'le call you husband i'this ▪ Your wife ? ha'not I forbiden you that ? Doe you thinke I'le call you husband i'this ●'this that ▪ Doe you thinke I'le call you husband i'this gowne , Or any thing , in that iacket , 〈◊〉 I ; I knew that at home ; what to doe with Stu● goe with him an' he were a little finer ! Stu. You may sweet heart , it is mine Host . aduil'd I'le be aduis'd by you , yes ! He'●s He'is one , in truth , I title my Protection : M●m Mum , Pinnacia . It is the Lady Frampol : my I ackat and foure horse , he runnes In his veluet Iackat thus , to Rumford , Croyden , Hounslow , glori●s Peace thou immodest woman : She glories in the brauery o'the vice . sornicating A fine species , Of fornicating with a mans owne wife , Found out by ( what's Souer aig● This gown was then bespoken , for the Soueraign office●s Fly , & his officers Will doe it fiercely . Tipt● Lady . Lovel . Tipto . Latimer . Beaufort . Pru. Franke . Nurse c●untenance tumult , so vnmou'd , With that serenity of countenance , As i● his thoughts did acquiesce in that i● , With that serenity of countenance , As if his thoughts did acquiesce in that Which acquies●e serenity of countenance , As i● his thoughts did acquiesce in that Which is the obiect of the second qu●stion with the honour of the Court , To change the question but from loue , to valour , To heare , it thing● appetite Of false encountring formidable things ; But a true science of distinguishing What's tumul● vice . What need is there of anger , and of tumult ? When reason can doe the same things , do● of anger , and of tumult ? When reason can doe the same things , or more ? k●epe and fix him here : O , for an engine , to keepe backe all clocks ! Or make the Sunne forget ni●n Why ? I'le consult our Shelee nien , To-mas . Vsque bagh's Vsquebagh's her drinke . But 'twi' 'twi' not make the wa● smoak , and measure shadowes , plough the water , And sow my hopes there , ere I stay in La●. Lat. ●ru th'house And your leere drunkards let me . Lad . Pru . ●st with any reputation Of mine , to come in first , hauing stood out So long , without conditions f●r stood out So long , without conditions , for mine honor . sco● The Taylors wife ? There was a word of scorn! ●llen Pray thee be not sullen , I yet must ha' thy counsell . Thou shalt angri● Come , be not angrie , or grieu'd : I haue a project . N●r. Nur. ●hreest Gra chreest ! th'oracl● Goe aske , th'oracle O'the bottle , at your girdle , there you ●nne the Bird o'the heart : Prime insect of the Inne , Professor , Quarter-master , As euer thou Prosessor o'the heart : Prime insect of the ●nne , Professor , Quarter-master , As euer thou deserued'st saw'st'hem raise a nap to vs , out of nothing , Thou saw'st 'hem married ? ●'th I'th ne● stable , ne● ●'th new stable , Omin● Ominous ! I ha' knowne many a church beene made for malities cassock , a side sweeping gowne , All his formalities , a good cramm'd diuine ! I went not farre m●rriment follow . I had thought to ha' sacrific'd , To merriment to night , i'my light Heart , Fly , And cloath●s pitifull matter has it , Then owe my wit to cloathes , or ha' it beholden . srampull indeed ; I come from the fine , froward , frampull Lady , One was runne mad with pride , wild hathrecouerd , without Borrowing her warming pan , she hath recouerd Par● of her wits : so much as to Par● Borrowing her warming pan , she hath recouerd Part of her wits : so much as to consider How trespast'd so much as to consider How farre she hath trespass'd , vpon whom , and how . And now sits penitent ha●h volary Of the light Heart , the cage , she hath abus'd , Mourning her folly , weeping at fe●le Thou doest not know my suffrings , what I feele , my fires , and feares , are met : I burne ●y doest not know my suffrings , what I feele , my fires , and feares , are met : I burne , T●at Curl'd with the cold wind of my gelid sighs , That d●ine a drift of sleete through all my body d●ine with the cold wind of my gelid sighs , That driue a drift of sleete through all my body , shoo● drift of sleete through all my body , And shoot a February through my veines . Vntill I 〈◊〉 And shoot a February through my veines . Vntill I see him , I am drunke with thirst , And expressi●ns Spare expressions . Ile once more venture for your Ladiship Lou● Religiously , deare Pru , Loue and his Mother , Ile build them seuerall Alt●rs build them seuerall Churches , Shrines , and Altars , And ouer head , Ile haue , in the glasse sonn● To whom , not your sonne ? Sernant Beaufort . Franke . Seruant . ( To them . su'd● all community : a pardon o' course May be su'de out . Phyfician He is either a good Baud , or a Physician . a●mes point , and all , I ha' claspes , my Letice armes here take 'hem boyes . What is the chamber aboy whom you ha'married , Your hosts sonne , and a boy . pr●ue If this be your Latitia , Shee'l proue a counterfeit mirth , and a clip'd Lady H●st. Host. ●ermin where's that Fly ? Ile fly in his face , The vermin , let me come to him . Shele● Why Nurse Shelee ? ottes thou Parasite , thou sonne of crums , And ortes , thou hast vndone me , and my child , My d●are vndone me , and my child , My daughter , my deare daughter . tuin'd O Sir , my daughter , my deare child is ruin'd , By this your Fly , here , married in a ●raue I did good Mr , and I craue your pardon . But 'tis my daughter , and g●rle your pardon . But 'tis my daughter , and a girle . s●illings then , to me With such entreaty , for ten shillings , Carlin ? ●eard Because you were a charitable man I heard , good Mr , and would breed him well , I br●ed charitable man I heard , good Mr , and would breed him well , I would ha' giu'n him you , for Surethou Sure thou speakst Quite like another creature bra●ne Inmates , suppositions fruits of an Host's braine , And his Flys hatching , to be put vpon Framp●ll The daughter and coheire to the Lord Frampull , This Ladies sister ! ●ne . I cannot keepe The passion in me , I am eene turn'd child , And I must weepe . Fly , pennan●e My selfe aliue , in a poore hostelry , In pennance of my wrongs done vnto thee Whom I long coy●e Me , and her mistresse , she hath power to coyne Vp , into what she will . yo● Whence , you haue made your wife , to liue your seruant . brai●e craue , Is , that you not impute it to his braine . That's yet vnhurt , although set round ask● the stage : A Kings , or Poets birth doe aske an age . s●ru'd was named Cis . We thinke , it would haue seru'd our Scene as true , If , as it is , at first lett●s mystery we there haue found , Or magick in the letters , or the sound . She only meant was , for shewould whom her Lady did a Prouince fit : Which she would haue discharg'd , and , done as well rak'tinto fishscraps , out euery dish , Throwne forth , and rak't into the common tub , May keepe vp the Play-club Anacr●ns Alcaick Lute ; Or thine owne Horace , or Anacreons Lyre ; Warme thee , by Findares fire : And
A46228 ---- The Devil Is an Ass Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A46228 of text R5735 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing J1011). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Madeline Burg Lydia Zoells This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A46228.xml The divell is an asse a comedie acted in the yeare 1616, by His Majesties servants / the author, Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 36 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 12086374 Wing J1011. 53757 A46228

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 The divell is an asse a comedie acted in the yeare 1616, by His Majesties servants / the author, Ben. Iohnson. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [4], 66 p. [s.n.], Imprinted at London : 1641. 1616

Reproduction of original in Yale University Library.

 A46228 shc The Devil Is an Ass Jonson, Ben Madeline Burg Lydia Zoells 1616 play comedy shc no A46228 R5735 (Wing J1011). 37284 9 0 0 9004.83B The rate of 4.83 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

THE DIVELL IS AN ASSE .

A COMEDIE ACTED IN THE YEARE , 1616 . BY HIS MAIESTIES SERVANTS .

The Author BEN : IOHNSON .

HOR. de ART POET. Fucta voluptatis Causa , sint proxima veris.

Imprinted at London , 1641 .

THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY . The great divell . The lesse divell . The vice . A Squire of Norfolk . His wife . The Projector . His Champion . A young Gallant . His friend . A Broaker . The Projectors man . A Gold-smith . His sonne . A Lawyer , and Iustice . His wife . The Lady Projectresse . Her Woman . Her Gentleman usher . A Smith , the Constable . Keeper of Newgate .

The Sceane , LONDON .

The Prologue . THe DIVELL is an ASSE . That is , to day , The name of what you are met for , a new Play , Yet Grandee's , would you were not come to grace Our matter , with allowing us no place . Though you presume SATAN a subtill thing , And may have heard he 's worne in a thumb-ring ; Doe not on these presumptions , force us act , In compasse of a cheese-trencher . This tract Will ne're admit our vice , because of yours . Anone , who , worse then you , the fault endures That your selves make ? when you will thrust and spurne , And knocke us o' the elbowes and bid , turne ; As if , when we had spoke , we must be gone , Or , till we speake , must all runne in , to one ; Like the young adders , at the old ones mouth ? Would we could stand due North ; or had no South , If that offend : or were Muscovy glasse , That you might looke our Scenes through as they passe . We know not how to affect you . If you 'll come To see new Plaies , pray you affoord us roome , And shew this , but the same face you have done Your deare delight the Divell of Edmunton . Or , if , for want of roome , it must mis-carry , 'T will be but Iustice , that your censure tarry , Till you give some . And when six times you ha' seen 't , If this Play doe not like , the Divell is in 't .
THE DIVELL IS AN ASSE .
Act. I. Scene . I. Divell . Pug. Iniquity . HOh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , &c. To earth ? and why to earth , thou foolish Spirit ? What wold'st thou do on earth ? Pug. For that , great Chiefe ! As time shall work , I do but aske my mon'th . Which every petty pui'nee Divell has ; Within that terme , the Court of Hell will heare Something may gaine a longer grant , perhaps . Sat. For what ? the laming a poore Cow , or two ? Entring a Sow , to make her cast her farrow ? Or crossing of a Market-womans Mare , 'Twixt this and Totnam ? these were wont to bee Your maine atchievements , Pug , you have some plot , now , Vpon a tonning of Ale , to stale the yest , Or keepe the churne so , that the butter come not ; Spight o' the houswives cord , or her hot spit ? Or some good Ribibe , about Kentish Towne , Or Hogsden , you would hang now , for a witch , Because shee will not let you play round Robbin : And you 'll goe sowre the Cittisens Creame 'gainst Sunday ? That she may be accus'd for t , and condemn'd By a Middlesex Jury ; to the satisfaction Of their offended friends , the Londoners wives Whose teeth were set on edge with it ? Foolish fiend , Stay i' your place , know your owne strengths , and put not Beyond the spheare of your activity . You are too dull a Divell to be trusted Forth into those parts , Pug , upon any affaire That may concerne our name , on earth . It is not Every ones worke . The state of Hell must care Whome it imployes , in point of reputation , Heere about London . You would make , I thinke An Agent , to be sent , for Lancashire , Proper inough ; or some parts of Northumberland , So yo 'had good instructions , Pug . Pug. O Chiefe ! You doe not know , deare Chiefe , what there is in mee . Prove me but for a fortnight , for a weeke , And lend me but a Vice , to carry with me , To practice there-with any play-fellow , And , you will see , there will come more upon 't , Then you 'll imagine , pretious Chiefe . Sat. What Vice ? What kinde wouldst th'have it of ? Pug. Why , any Fraud ; Or Covetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; Or old Iniquity : I 'll call him hither . ��� What is he , calls upon me , and would seem to lack a Vice ? ��� words be halfe spoken , I am with him in a trice ; ��� there , and every where , as the Cat is with the mice : True vetus iniquitas . Lack'st thou Cards , friend , or Dice ? I will teach thee cheat , Child , to cog , lye , and swagger , And ever and anon , to be drawing forth thy dagger : To sweare by Gogs-nownes , like a lusty Iuventus , In a cloake to thy heele , and a hat like a pent-house . Thy breeches of three fingers , and thy doublet all belly , With a Wench that shall feed thee , with cock-stones and gelly . Pug. Is it not excellent , Chiefe ? how nimble he is ! Ini. Child of hell , this is nothing ! I will fetch thee a leape From the top of Pauls-steeple , to the Standard in Cheape : And lead thee a dance , through the streets without faile , Like a needle of Spaine , with a thred at my taile . We will survay the Suburbs , and make forth our sallyes , Downe Petticoate-lane , and up the Smock-allies , To Shoreditch , Whitechappell , and so to Saint Kathernes . To drinke with the Dutch there , and take forth their patternes : From thence , we will put in at Custome-house key there , And see , how the Factors , and Prentizes play there , False with their Masters ; and gueld many a full packe , To spend it in pies , at the Dagger , and the Wool sacke . Pug. Brave , brave , Iniquity ! will not this doe , Chiefe ? Ini. Nay , boy , I will bring thee to the Bawds , and the Roysters , At Belins-gate , feasting with claret-wine , and oysters , From thence shoot the Bridge , childe , to the Cranes i' the Vintry , And see , there the gimblets , how they make their entry ! Or , if thou hadst rather , to the Strand downe to fall , 'Gainst the Lawyers come dabled from Westminster-hall And marke how they cling , with their clients together , Like Ivie to Oake ; so Velvet to Leather : Ha , boy , I would shew thee . Pug. Rare , rare ! Div. Peace , dotard , And thou more ignorant thing , that so admir'st . Art thou the spirit thou seem'st ? so poore ? to choose This , for a Vice , t' advance the cause of Hell , Now ? as Vice stands this present yeare ? Remember , What number it is . Six hundred and sixteen . Had it but beene five hundred , though some sixty Above ; that 's fifty yeeres agone , and six . ( When every great man had his Vice stand by him , In his long coat , shaking his woodden dagger ) I could consent , that , then this your grave choice Might have done that , with his Lord Chiefe , the which Most of his chamber can doe now . But Pug , As the times are , who is it , will receive you ? What company will you goe to ? or whom mix with ? Where canst thou carry him ? except to Tavernes ? To mount up on a joynt-stoole , with a Iewes-trumpe , To put downe Cokeley , and that must be to Citizens ? He ne're will be admitted , there , where Vennor comes . He may perchance , in taile of a Sheriffes dinner , Skip with a rime o' the Table , from New-nothing , And take his Almaine-leape into a custard , Shall make my Lad Majoresse , and her sisters , Laugh all their hoods over their shoulders . But , This is not that will doe , they are other things That are receiv'd now upon earth , for Vices ; Stranger , and newer : and chang'd every houre . They ride 'hem like their horses off their legges , And here they come to Hell , whole legions of 'hem , Every weeke tyr'd . Wee , still strive to breed , And reare 'hem up new ones ; but they doe not stand , When they come there : they turne 'hem on our hands . And it is fear'd they have a stud o' their owne Will put downe ours . Both our breed , and trade Will suddenly decay , if we prevent not . Unlesse it be a Vice of quality , Or fashion , now , they take none from us . Car-men Are got into the yellow starch , and Chimney-sweepers To their tobacco , and strong-waters , Hum , Meath , and Obarni . Wee must therefore aime At extraordinary subtile ones , now , When we do send to keepe us up in credit . Not old Iniquities . Get you e'ne back , Sir , To making of your rope of sand againe . You are not for the manners , nor the times : They have their Vices , there , most like to Vertues ; You cannot know 'hem , apart , by any difference : They weare the same clothes , eate the same meate , Sleepe i' the selfe-same beds , ride i'those coaches . Or very like , foure horses in a coach , As the best men and women . Tissue gownes , Garters and roses , fourescore pound a paire ; Embrothered stockins , cut-worke smocks , and shirts , More certaine marks of lechery , now , and pride , Then ere they were of true nobility ! But Pug , since you doe burne with such desire To doe the Common-wealth of Hell some service ; I am content , assuming of a body , You goe to earth , and visit men , a day . But you must take a body ready made , Pug , I can create you none , nor shall you forme Your selfe an aery one , but become subject To all impression of the flesh , you take , So farre as humane frailty . So , this morning , There is a handsome Cutpurse hang'd at Tiborne , Whose spirit departed , you may enter his body : For clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman , Or let our tribe of Brokers furnish you . ��� looke , how farre your subtilty can worke Though those organs , with that body , spie Amongst mankind , ( you cannot there want vices , And therefore the lesse need to carry 'hem wi' you ) But as you make your soone at nights relation , And we shall find , it merits from the State , You shall have both trust from us , and imploiment . Pug. Most gracious Chiefe ! Div. Onely , thus more I bind you , To serve the first man that you meete ; and him I 'll shew you , now : Observe him . Yon' is he , You shall see , first after your clothing . Follow him : But once engag'd , there you must stay and fix ; Not shift , untill the midnights cocke doe crow . Pug. Any conditions to be gone . Div. Away , then .
Act. I. Scene II. Fitz-dottrell . I , they doe , now , name Bretnor , as before ; They talk'd of Gresham , and of Doctor Fore-man , Franklin , and Fiske , and Savory ( he was in too ) But ther 's not one of these , that ever could Yet shew a man the Divell , in true sort . They have their christalls , I doe know , and rings , And virgin parchment , and their dead-mens sculls Their ravens wings , their lights , and pentacles , With characters ; I ha' seene all these . But � Would I might see the Divell . I would give A hundred o'these picture , to see him Once out of picture . May I prove a cuckold , ( And that 's the one maine mortall thing I feare ) If I beginne not , now , to thinke , the Painters Have only made him . 'Slight , he would be seene . One time or other else . He would not let An ancient gentleman , of a good house , As most are now in England , the Fitz-dottrel's , Runne wild , and call upon him thus in vaine , As I ha' done this twelue mone'th . If he be not , At all , why , are there Conjurers ? If they be not , Why , are there lawes against 'hem ? The best artists Of Cambridge , Oxford , Middlesex , and London , Essex , and Kent , I have had in pay to raise him ; These fifty weekes , and yet h' appeares not . 'Sdeath , I shall suspect , they , can make circle onely , Shortly , and know but his hard names . They doe say , H 'will meet a man ( of himselfe ) that has a mind to him . If he would so , I have a minde and a halfe for him : He should not be long absent . Pray thee , come I long for thee . An' I were with child by him , And my wife , too ; I could not more . Come , yet , Good Beelezebub . Were he a kind divell , And had humanity in him , he would come , but To save ones longing . I should use him well , I sweare , and with respect ( would he would try me ) Not , as the Conjurers doe , when they ha' rais'd him . Get him in bonds , and send him post , on errands . A thousand miles , it is preposterous , that : And I beleeve , is the true cause he comes not . And he has reason . Who would be engag'd , That might live freely , as he may doe ? I sweare , They are wrong all . The burn't child dreads the fire . They doe not know to entertaine the Divell . I would so welcome him , obserue his diet , Get him his chamber hung with arras , two of 'hem , I' my owne house ; lend him my wives wrought pillowes : And as I am an honest man , I thinke , If he had a minde to her , too ; I should grant him , To make our friend-ship perfect . So I would not To every man . If he but heare me , now ? And should come to me in a brave yong shape , And take me at my word ? ha ! Who is this ?
Act. I. Scene . III . Pug. Fitz-dottrell . SIr , your good pardon , that I thus presume Upon your privacy . I am borne a Gentleman , A younger brother ; but in some disgrace , Now , with my friends : and want some little meanes , To keepe me upright , while things be reconcil'd . Please you , to let my service be of use to you , Sir . Fit. Service ? 'fore hell , my heart was at my mouth , Till I had view'd his shooes well : for , those roses Were bigge inough to hide a cloven foot . No , friend , my number 's full . I have one servant , Who is my all , indeed ; and , from the broome Unto the brush : for , just so farre , I trust him . He is my Ward-robe man , my Cater , Cooke , Butler , and Steward ; lookes unto my horse : And helpes to watch my wife . H' has all the places , That I can thinke on , from the garret downward , E'en to the manger , and the curry-combe . Pug. Sir , I shall put your worship to no charge , More then my meate , and that but very little , I 'll serve you for your love . Fit. Ha ? without wages ? I 'le harken o'th at eare , were I at leasure . But now , I 'm busie . 'Pry'the , friend forbeare mee , And' thou hadst beene a Divell , I should say Somewhat more to thee . Thou dost hinder , now , My meditations . Pug. Sir , I am a Divell . Fit. How ! Pug. A true Divell , Sir . Fit. Nay , now , you ly : Under your favour , friend , for , I 'll not quarrell . I look'd o' your feet , afore , you cannot coozen me , Your shoo 's not cloven , Sir , you are whole hoof'd . Pug. Sir that 's a popular error deceives many : But I am that , I tell you . Fit. What 's your name ? Pug. My name is Divell , Sir . Fit. Sai'st thou true . Pug. Indeed , Sir . Fit. 'Slid ! there 's some omen i'th is ! what countryman ? Pug. Of Derby-shire , Sir , about the Peake . Fit. That Hole Belong'd to your Ancestors ? Pug. Yes , Divells arse , Sir . Fit. I 'll entertaine him for the name sake . Ha ? And turne away my tother man ? and saue Foure pound a yeere by that ? there 's luck and thrift too ! The very Divell may come hereafter , as well . Friend , I receive you : but ( withall ) I acquaint you , Aforehand , if yo'offend mee , I must beat you . It is a kind of exercise , I use . And cannot be without . Pug. Yes , if I doe not Offend , you can , sure . Fit. Faith , Divell , very hardly : I 'll call you by your surname , 'cause I love it .
Act. I. Scene . IIII . Ingine . Wittipol . Manly . Fitzdottrell . Pug. YOnder he walkes , Sir , I 'll goe lift him for you . Wit. To him , good Ingine , raise him up by degrees , Gently , and hold him there too , you can doe it . Shew your selfe now , a Mathematicall broker . Ing. I 'll warrant you for halfe a piece . Wit. 'T is done , Sir . Man. Is 't possible there should be such a man ? Wit. You shall be your owne witnesse , I 'll not labour To tempt you past your faith . Man. And is his wife So very handsome , say you ? Wit. I ha' not seene her , Since I came home from travell : and they say , Shee is not alter'd . Then before I went , I saw her once ; but so , as she hath stucke Still i' my view , no object hath remov'd her . Man. 'T is a faire guest , Friend , beauty : and once lodg'd Deepe in the eyes , she hardly leaves the Inne . How do's he keepe her ? Wit. Very brave . However , Himselfe be sordide , he is sensuall that way . In every dressing , he do's study her . Man. And furnish forth himselfe so from the Brokers ? Wit. Yes , that 's a hyr'd suite , he now has on , To see the Divell is an Asse , to day , in ( This Ingine gets three or foure pound a weeke by him ) He dares not misse a new Play , or a Feast , What rate soever clothes be at ; and thinkes Himselfe still new in other mens old . Man. But stay , Do's he love meat so ? Wit. Faith he do's not hate it . But that 's not it . His belly and his palate Would be compounded with for reason . Mary , A wit he has , of that strange credit with him , 'Gainst all mankinde ; as it doth make him doe Just what it list : it ravishes him forth , Whither it please , to any assembly or place , And would conclude him ruin'd , should he scape One publike meeting , out of the beliefe He has of his owne great , and Catholike strengths , In arguing , and discourse . It takes , I see : H' has got the cloake upon him . Fit. A faire garment , By my faith , Ingine ! Ing. It was never made , Sir , For threescore pound , I assure you : 'T will yeeld thirty . The plush , Sir , cost three pound , ten shillings a yard ! And then the lace , and velvet . Fit. I shall , Ingine , Be look'd at , prettily , in it ! Art thou sure The Play is play'd to day ? Ing. ô here 's the bill , Sir . I , had forgot to gi 't you . Fit. Ha ? the Divell ! I will not loose you , Sirah ! But , Ingine , thinke you , The Gallant is so furious in his folly ? So mad upon the matter , that he 'll part With 's cloake upo' those termes ? Ing. Trust not your Ingine , Breake me to pieces else , as you would doe A rotten Crane , or an old rusty Iacke , That has not one true wheele in him . Doe but talke with him . Fit. I shall doe that , to satisfie you , Ingine , And my selfe too . With your leave , Gentlemen . Which of you is it , is so meere Idolater To my wives beauty , and so very prodigall Unto my patience , that , for the short parlee ? Of one swift houres quarter , with my wife , He will depart with ( let me see ) this cloake here The price of folly ? Sir , are you the man ? Wit. I am that vent'rer , Sir . Fit. Good time ! your name Is Witty-pol ? Wit. The same , Sir . Fit. And 't is told me , Yo'have travell'd lately ? Wit. That I have , Sir . Fit. Truly , Your travells have alter'd your complexion ; But sure your wit stood still . Wit. It may well be , Sir . All heads ha'not like growth . Fit. The good mans gravity , That left you land , your father , never taught you These pleasant matches ? Wit. No , nor can his mirth , With whom I make 'hem , put me off . Fit. You are Resolv'd then ? Wit. Yes , Sir . Fit. Beauty is the Saint , You 'll sacrifice your selfe , into the shirt too ? Wit. So I may still cloth , and keepe warme your wisdome ? Fit. You lade me Sir ! Wit. I know what you will beare , Sir , Fit. Well , to the point . 'T is only , Sir , you say , To speake unto my wife ? Wit. Only , to speake to her . Fit. And in my presence ? Wit. In your very presence . Fit. And in my hearing ? Wit. In your hearing : so , You interrupt us not . Fit. For the short space You doe demand , the fourth part of an houre , I think I shall , with some convenient study , And this good helpe to boot , bring my selfe to 't . Wit. I aske no more . Fit. Please you , walk to'ard my house , Speake what you list ; that times yours : My right I have departed with . But , not beyond , A minute , or a second , looke for . Length , And drawing out , ma'advance much , to these matches . And I except all kissing . Kisses are Silent petitions still with willing Lovers . Wit. Lovers ? How falls that o' your phantsie ? Fit. Sir . I doe know somewhat , I forbid all lip-worke . Wit. I am not eager at forbidden dainties . Who covets unfit thinks , denies him selfe . Fit. You say well , Sir , 'T was prettily said , that same , He do's , indeed . I 'll have no touches , therefore , Nor takings by the armes , nor tender circles Cast 'bout the wast , but all be done at distance . Love is brought up with those soft migniard handlings ; His pulse lies in his palme : and I defend All melting joynts , and fingers , ( that 's my bargaine ) I doe defend 'hem any thing like action . But talke , Sir , what you will . Use all the Tropes And Schemes , that Prince Quintilian can afford you : And much good do your Rhetoriques heart . You are welcome , Sir . Ingine , God b'w'you . Wit. Sir , I must condition To have this Gentleman by , a witnesse . Fit. Well , I am content so he be silent . Man. Yes , Sir . Fit. Come Divell , I 'll make you roome , streight . But I 'll shew you First , to your Mistresse , who 's no common one , You must conceive , that brings gaine to see her . I hope thou 'st brought me good lucke . Pug. I shall do 't . Sir .
Act. I. Scene . V. Wittipol . Manly . INgine , you hope o' your halfe piece ? 'T is there , Sir . Be gone . Friend Manly , who 's within here ? fixed ? Man. I am directly in a fit of wonder what 'll be the issue of this conference ! Wit. For that , ne'r vex your selfe , till the event . How like yo'him ? Man. I would faine see more of him . Wit. What thinke you of this ? Man. I am past degrees of thinking . Old Africk , and the new America , With all their fruite of Monsters cannot shew So just a prodigie . Wit. Could you have beleev'd , Without your sight , a minde so sordide inward , Should be so specious , and laid forth abroad , To all the shew , that ever shop , or ware was ? Man. I beleeve any thing now , though I confesse His Vices are the most extremities I ever knew in nature . But , why loves he The Divell so ? Wit. O Sir ! for hidden treasure , He hopes to finde : and has propos'd himselfe So infinite a Masse as to recover , He cares not what he parts with , of the present , To his men of Art , who are the race , may coine him . Promise gold-mountaines , and the covetous Are still most prodigall . Man. But ha' you faith , That he will hold his bargaine ? Wit. O deare , Sir ! He will not off on 't . Feare him not . I know him . One basenesse still accompanies another . See! he is heere already , and his wife too . Man. A wondrous handsome creature , as I live !
Act. I. Scene . VI. Fitz-dottrell . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Wittipol . Manly . COme wife , this is the Gentleman . Nay , blush not . Mrs. Fit. Why what doe you meane Sir ? ha' you your reason ? Fit. Wife , I do not know , that I have lent it forth To any one at least without a pawne , wife : Or that I'have eate or drunke the thing , of late , That should corrupt it . Wherefore gentle wife , Obey , it is thy vertue : hold no acts Of disputation . Mrs. Fit. Are you not enough The talke , of feasts , and meetings , but you 'll still Make argument for fresh ? Fit. Why , carefull wedlocke , If I have a longing to have one tale more Goe of me , what is that to thee , deare heart ? Why shouldst thou envie my delight ? or crosse it ? By being solicitous , when it not concernes thee ? Mis. Fit. Yes I have share in this . The scorne will fall As bitterly on me , where both are laught at . Fit. Laught at , sweet bird ? is that the scruple ? Come , come , Thou art a Niaise . Which of your great houses , ( I will not meane at home , here , but abroad ) Your families in France , wife , send not forth Something , within the seven yeere , may be laught at ? I doe not say seven moneths , nor seven weekes , Nor seven daies , nor houres : but seven yeere wife . I give 'hem time . Once within seven yeere , I thinke they may doe something may be laught at . In France , I keepe me there , still . Wherfore , wife , Let them that list , laugh still , rather then weepe For mee ; Heere is a cloake cost fifty pound , wife , Which I can fell for thirty , when I ha' seene All London in 't , and London has seene me . To day , I goe to the Black-friers Play-house , Sit i' the view , salute all my acquaintance , Rise up betweene the Acts , let fall my cloake , Publish a handsome man , and a rich suite ( As that 's a speciall end , why we goe thither , All that pretend , to stand for 't o' the Stage ) The Ladies aske who 's that ? ( For , they do come To see us , Love , as we doe to see them ) Now , I shall lose all this , for the false feare Of being laught at ? Yes , wusse . Let 'hem laugh , wife , Let me have such another cloake to morrow . And let 'hem laugh againe , wife , and againe , And then grow fat with laughing and then fatter , All my young Gallants , let 'hem bring their friends too : Shall I forbid 'hem ? No let heaven forbid 'hem : Or wit , if 't have any charge on 'hem . Come , thy eare , wife , Is all I 'll borrow of thee . Set your watch , Sir , Thou , only art to heare , not speake a word , Dove , To ought he saies . That I do gi' you in precept , No lesse then councell , on your wive-hood , wife , Not though he flatter you , or make court , or Love , ( As you must loke for these ) or say , he raile ; What ere his arts bee , wife , I will have thee Delude 'hem with a trick , thy obstinate silence ; I know advantages ; and I love to hit These pragmaticke young men , at their owne weapons . Is your watch ready ? Here my saile beares , for you : Tack toward him , sweet Pinnace , wher 's your watch ? Wit. I 'll set it , Sir , with yours . Mis. Fit. I must obey . Man. Her modesty seemes to suffer with her beauty , And so , as if his folly were away , It were worth pitty . Fit. Now , th' art right , beginne , Sir . But first , let me repeat the contract , briefely . I am , Sir , to injoy this cloake , I stand in , Freely , and as your gift ; upon condition You may as freely , speake here to my spouse , Your quarter of an houre alwaies keeping The measur'd distance of your yard , or more , From my said Spouse : and in my sight and hearing . This is your covenant ? Wit. Yes , but you 'll allow For this time spent , now ? Fit. Set 'hem so much backe . Wit. I thinke , I shall not need it . Fit. Well , begin , Sir , There is your bound , Sir . Not beyond that rush . Wit. If you interrupt me , Sir , I shall discloake you . The time I have purchast , Lady , is but short ; And , therefore , if I imploy it thriftily , I hope I stand the neerer to my pardon . I am not here , to tell you , you are faire , Or lovely , or how well you dresse you , Lady , I 'll save my selfe that eloquence of your glasse , Which can speake these things better to you then I , And 't is a knowledge , wherein fooles may be As wise as a Court Parliament . Nor come I , With any prejudice , or doubt , that you Should , to the notice of your owne worth , neede Least revelation . Shee 's a simple woman , Know's not her good : ( who ever knowes her ill ) And at all caracts . That you are the wife , To so much blasted flesh , as scarce hath soule , In stead of salt , to keepe it sweet ; I thinke , Will aske no witnesses , to prove . The cold Sheetes that you lie in , with the watching candle , That sees , how dull to any thaw of beauty , Pieces , and quarters , halfe , and whole nights , sometimes , The Divell-given Elfine Squire , your husband , Doth leave you , quitting heere his proper circle , For a much-worse i' the walks of Lincolnes Inne , Under the Elmes , t' expect the feind in vane , there Will confesse for you . Fit. I did looke for this geere . Wit. And what a daughter of darknesse , he do's make you , Lock'd up from all society , or object ; Your eye not let to looke upon a face , Under a Conjurers ( or some mould for one , Hollow , and leane like his ) but , by great meanes , As I now make ; your owne too sensible sufferings , Without the extraordinary aydes , Of spells , or spirits , may assure you , Lady . For my part , I protest 'gainst all such practice , I work by no false arts , medicines , or charmes To be said forward and backward . Fit. No , I except : Wit. Sir , I shall ease you . Fit. Mum . Wit. Nor have I ends , Lady , Upon you , more then this : to tell you how Love Beauties good Angell , he that waits upon her At all occasions , and no lesse then Fortune , Helps th' adventurous , in me makes that proffer , Which never faire one was so fond , to lose ; Who could but reach a hand out to her freedome . On the first sight I lov'd you : since which time , Though I have travell'd , I have beene in travell More for this second blessing of your eies Which now I'have purchas'd , then for all aimes else . Thinke of it , Lady , be your mind as active , As is your beauty : view your object well . Examine both my fashion , and my yeeres Things , that are like , are soone familiar : And Nature joyes , still in equality . Let not the signe o' the husband fright you , Lady . But ere your spring be gone , injoy it . Flowers , Though faire , are oft but of one morning . Think , All beauty doth not last untill the Autumne . You grow old , while I tell you this . And such , As cannot use the present , are not wise , If Love and Fortune will take care of us , Why should our will be wanting ? This is all . Wha doe you answer , Lady ? Fit. Now , the sport comes . Let him still waite , waite , waite : while the watch goes , And the time runs . Wife ! Wit. How ! not any word ? Nay , then , I taste a tricke in 't . Worthy Lady , I cannot be so false to mine owne thoughts Of your presumed goodnesse , to conceive This as your rudenesse , which I see 's impos'd . Yet , since your cautelous Iaylor , here stands by you , And yo' are deni'd the liberty o' the house ; Let me take warrant , Lady , from your silence , ( Which ever is interpreted consent ) To make your answer for you : which shall be To as good purpose , as I can imagine , And what I thinke you 'ld speak . Fit. No , no , no , no . Wit. I shall resume , Sir . Man. Sir , what doe you meane ? Wit. One interruption more , Sir , and you goe Into your hose and doublet , nothing saves you . And therefore harken . This is for your wife . Man. You must play faire , Sir . Wit. Stand for me , good friend . Troth , Sir , t is more then true , that you have uttred Of my unequall , and so sordide match heere , With all the circumstances of my bondage . I have a husband , and a two-legg'd one , But such a moon-ling , as no wit of man Or roses can redeeme from being an Asse . H 'is growne too much , the story of mens mouthes To scape his lading : should I mak 't my study , And lay all waies , yea , call mankind to helpe , To take his burden off , why , this one act Of his , to let his wife out to be courted , And , at a price , proclaimes his asinine nature So lowd , as I am weary of my title to him . But Sir , you seeme a Gentleman of vertue , No lesse then blood ; and one that every way Lookes as hee were of too good quality , To intrap a credulous woman , or betray her Since you have paid thus deare , Sir , for a visit , And made such venter , on your wit , and charge Meerely to see me , or at most to speake to me , I were too stupid ; or ( what 's worse ) ingrate Not to returne your venter . Thinke , but how , I may with safety doe it ; I shall trust My love and honour to you , and presume , You 'll ever husband both , against this husband ; Who , if we chance to change his liberall eares , To other ensignes , and with labour make A new beast of him , as he shall deserve , Cannot complaine , he is unkindly dealth with . This day he is to goe to a new play , Sir , From whence no feare , no , nor authority , Scarsely the Kings command , Sir , will restraine him , Now you have fitted him with a Stage-garment , For the meere names sake , were there nothing else , And many more such journeies , he will make . Which , if they now , or , any time heereafter , Offer us opportunity , you heare , Sir , who 'll be as glad , and forward to imbrace , Meete , and enjoy it chearefully as you . I humbly thanke you , Lady . Fit. Keepe your ground Sir . Wit. Will you be lightned ? Fit. Mum . Wit. And but I am , By the sad contract , thus to take my leave of you At this so envious distance , I had taught Our lips ere this , to seale the happy mixture Made of our soules . But we must both , now , yeeld To the necessity . Doe not thinke yet , Lady , But I can kisse , and touch , and laugh , and whisper , And doe those crowning court-ships too , for which Day , and the publike have allow'd no name But , now , my bargaine binds me . 'T were rude injury , T' importune more , or urge a noble nature , To what of it's owne bounty it is prone to : Else , I should speake � But , Lady , I love so well , As I will hope , you 'll do so to . I have done , Sir . Fit. Well , then , I ha' won ? Wit. Sir , And I may win , too . Fit. O yes ! no doubt on 't . I 'll take carefull order , That shee shall hang forth ensignes at the window , To tell you when I am absent . Or I 'll keepe Three or foure foote-men , ready still of purpose , To runne and fetch you at her longings , Sir . I 'll goe bespeake me straight a guilt caroch , For her and you to take the aire in : yes , Into Hide-parke , and thence into Black-Friers , Visit the painters , where you may see pictures , And note the properest limbs , and how to make 'hem . Or what doe you say unto a middling Gossip ? To bring you aye together , at her lodging ? Under pretext of teaching o' my wife Some rare receit of drawing almond milke ? ha ? It shall bee a part of my care . Good Sir , God b'w'you . I ha' kept the contract , and the cloak is mine owne . Wit. Why , much good do 't you Sir ; it may fall out , That you ha' bought it deare , though I ha' not sould it . Fit. A pretty riddle ! Fare you well , good Sir . Wife , your face this way , looke on me : and thinke Yo'have had a wicked dreame , wife , and forget it . Man. This is the strangest motion I ere saw . Fit. Now , wife , sits this faire cloake the worse upon me , For my great sufferings , or your little patience ? ha ? They laugh , you thinke ? Mis. Fit. Why Sir , and you might see 't . What thought , they have of you , may be soone collected By the young Gentlmans speach . Fit. Young Gentleman ? Death ! you are in love with him , are you ? could he not Be nam'd the Gentleman , without the young ? Up to your Cabbin againe . Mis. Fit. My cage , yo'were best To call it ? Fit. Yes , sing there . You 'ld faine be making Blanck Manger with it at your mothers ! I know you . Goe get you up . How now ! what say you , Divell ?
Act. I. Scene . VII. Pug. Fitz. dottrell . Ingine . HEere is one Ingine , Sir , desires to speake with you . Fit. I thought he brought some newes , of a broker ! well , Let him come in , good Divell : fetch him else O , my fine Ingine ! what 's th' affaire ? more cheats ? Ing. No Sir , the Wit , the Braine , the great Projector , I told you of , is newly come to towne . Fit. Where , Ingine ? Ing. I ha' brought him � ( H 'is without ) Ere he pull'd off his boots , Sir , but so follow'd , For businesse : Fit. But what is a Projector ? I would conceive . Ing. Why , one Sir , that projects Waies to enrich men , or to make 'hem great , But suites , by marriages , by undertaking : According as he sees they humour it . Fit. Can he not conjure at all ? Ing. I thinke he can , Sir . ( To tell you true ) but , you doe know , of late , The State hath tane such note of 'hem , and compell'd 'hem , To enter such great bonds , they dare not practice . Fit. 'T is true , and I lie fallow for 't , the while ! Ing. O , Sir ! you 'll grow the richer for the rest . Fit. I hope I shall : but Ingine , you do talke Somewhat too much , o' my courses . My Cloake-customer Could tell me strange particulars . Ing. By my meanes ? Fit. How should he have 'hem else ? Ing. You doe not know , Sir , What he has : and by what arts ! A monied man , Sir , And is as great with your Almanack-Men , as you are ! Fit. That Gallant ? Ing. You make the other waite too long , here : And he is extreme punctuall . Fit. Is he a gallant ? Ing. Sir you shall see : He 'is in his riding suit , As he comes now from Court . But heere him speake : Minister matter to him , and then tell me .
Act. II. Scene . I. Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . Traines . Pug. SIr , money 's a whore , a bawd , a drudge ; Fit to runne out on errands : Let her goe . Via pecunia ! when she 's runne and gone , And fled and dead ; then will I fetch her , againe , With Aqua-vitae , out of an old Hogs-head ! While there are lees of wine , or dregs of beere , I 'll never want her ! Coine her out of cobwebs , Dust , but I 'll have her ! Raise wooll upon egge-shells , Sir , and make grasse grow out o'marro-bones . To make her come . ( Commend me to your Mistresse , Say , let the thousand pound but be had ready , And it is done ) I would but see the creature ( Of flesh , and blood ) the man , the Prince , indeed , That could imploy so many millions As I would helpe him to . Fit. How , talks he ? millions ? Mer. ( I 'll give you an account of this to morrow . ) Yes , I will take no lesse , and doe it too ; If they were Myriades : and without the Divell , By direct meanes , it shall be good in law . Ing. Sir . Mer. Tell Mr. Wood-cock , I 'll not faile to meet him Upon th' Exchange at night . Pray him to have The writings there , and wee 'll dispatch it : Sir , You are a Gentleman of a good presence , A handsome man ( I have considered you ) As a fit stocke to graft honours upon : I have a Project to make you a Duke , now . That you must be one , within so many moneths , And I set down , out of true reason of state , You sha' not avoid it . But you must harken , then . Ing. Harken ? why Sir , doe you doubt his eares ? Alas ! You doe not know Master Fitz-dottrel . Fit. He do's not know me indeed . I thank you , Ingine , For rectifying him . Mer. Good ! Why , Ingine , then I 'll tell you . ( I see you ha' credit , here , And , that you can keepe counsell , I 'll not question . ) He shall but be an undertaker with me , In a most feasible bus'nesse . It shall cost him Nothing . Ing. Good , Sir . Mer. Except he please , but 's count'nance ; ( That I will have ) t' appeare in 't , to great men , For which I 'll make him one . He shall not draw A string of 's purse . I 'll drive his pattent for him . We 'll take in Cit'zens , Commoners , and Aldermen , To beare the charge , and blow 'hem off againe , Like so many dead flies , when 't is carried . The thing is for recovery of drown'd Land , Whereof the Crown 's to have a moiety , If it be owner ; Else , the Crowne and Owners To share that moiety : and the recoverers T' enjoy the tother moiety , for their charge . Ing. Throughout England ? Mer. Yes , which will arise To eighteene millions , seven the first yeere : I have computed all , and made my survay Unto an acre , I 'll beginne at the Pan , Not , at the skirts : as some ha' done , and lost , All that they wrought , their timber-worke , their trench , Their bankes all borne away , or else fill'd up By the next winter . Tut , they never went The way . I 'll have it all . Ing. A Gallant tract Of land it is ! Mer. 'T will yeeld a pound an acre . We must let cheape , ever , at first . But Sir , This lookes too large for you , I see . Come hither , We 'll have a lesse . Here 's a plaine fellow , you see him , Has his black bag of papers , there , in Buckram , Wi'not be sould for th' Earldome of Pancridge : Draw , Gi' me out one , by chance . Project ; foure dogs skins ? Twelve thousand pound ! the very worst , at first . Fit. Pray you let 's see 't Sir . Mer. 'T is a toy , a trifle ! Fit. Trifle ! 12. thousand pound for dogs-skins ? Mer. Yes , But , by way of dressing , you must know , Sir , And med'cining the leather , to a height Of improv'd ware , like your Borachio Of Spaine , Sir . I can fetch nine thousand for 't � Ing. Of the Kings glover ? Mer. Yes , how heard you that ? Ing. Sir , I doe know you can . Mer. Within this houre And reserve halfe my secret . Pluck another ; See if thou hast a happier hand : I thought so . The very next worse to it ! Bottle-ale . Yet , this is two and twenty thousand ! Pr'y thee Pull out another , two or three . Fit. Good , stay , friend , By bottle-ale , two and twenty thousand pound ? Mer. Yes , Sir , it 's cast to penny-hal'penny-farthing , O' the back-side , there you may see it , read , I will not bate a Harrington o' the summe . I 'll winne it i' my water , and my malt , My furnaces , and hanging o' my coppers , The tonning , and subtilty o' my yest ; And , then the earth of my bottles , which I dig , Turne up , and steepe , and worke , and neale , my selfe , To a degree of Proc'lane . You will wonder , At my proportions , what I will put up In seven yeeres ! for so long time , I aske For my invention . I will save in corke , In my mere stop'ling , 'bove three thousand pound , Within that terme : by googing of 'hem out Just to the size of my bottles , and not flieing . There 's infinite losse i'th at . What hast thou there ? O'making wine of raisins : this is in hand , now , Ing. Is not that strange , Sir , to make wine of raisins ? Mer. Yes , and as true wine , as th' wines of France , Or Spaine , or Italy , Looke of what grape My raisin is , that wine I 'll render perfect , As of the muscatell grape , I 'll render muscatell ; Of Canary , his ; the Claret , his ; So of all kinds : and bate you of the prices , Of wine , throughout the kingdome , halfe in halfe . Ing. But , how , Sir , if you raise the other commodity , Raisins ? Mer. Why , then I 'll make it out of black-berries : And it shall doe the same . 'T is but more art , And the charge lesse . Take out another . Fit. No , good Sir . Save you the trouble , I 'll not looke , nor heare Of any , but your first , there ; the Drown'd-land : If 't will doe , as you say . Mer. Sir , there 's not place , To gi' you demonstration of these things . They are a little to subtle . But , I could shew you Such a necessity in 't , as you must be But what you please : against the receiv'd heresie , That England beares no Dukes . Keepe you the land , Sir , The greatnesse of th' estate shall throw 't upon you . If you like better turning it to money , What may not you , Sir , purchase with that wealth ? Say , you should part with two o' your millions , To be the thing you would , who would not do 't ? As I protest , I will , out of my divident , Lay , for some pretty principality , In Italy , from the Church : Now , you perhaps , Fancy the smoake of England , rather ? But � Ha' you no private roome , Sir , to draw to , T' enlarge our selves more upon . Fit. O yes , Divell ! Mer. These , Sir , are bus'nesses , aske to be carried With caution � and in cloud . Fit. I apprehend , They doe so , Sir , Divell , which way is your Mistresse ? Pug. Above , Sir , in her chamber . Fit. O that 's well . Then this way good , Sir . Mer. I shall follow you ; Traines , Gi' me the bag , and goe you presently , Commend my service to my Lady Tail-bush . Tell her I am come from Court this morning ; say , I'have got our bus'nesse mov'd , and well : Intreat her , That she give you the foure-score Angels , and see 'hem Dispos'd of to my Councel , Sir Poul Eitherside . Sometime , to day , I 'll waite upon her Ladiship , With the relation . Ing. Sir , of what dispatch , He is ! Do you mark ? Mer. Ingine , when did you see My cousin Ever-ill ? keepes he still your quarter ? I' the Bermudas ? Ing. Yes , Sir , he was writing This morning , very hard . Mer. Be not you knowne to him , That I am come to Towne : I have effected A businesse for him , but I would have it take him , Before he thinks for 't . Ing. It is past ? Mer. Not yet . 'T is well o' the way . Ing. O Sir ! your worship takes Infinite paines . Mer. I love Friends , to be active : A sluggish nature puts off man , and kinde . Ing. And such a blessing followes it . Mer. I thanke My fate . Pray you let 's be private , Sir ? Fit. In , here . Mer. Where none may interrupt us . Fit. You heare , Divell , Lock the street-doores fast , and let no one in ( Except they be this Gentlemans followers ) To trouble me . Doe you marke ? Yo'have hard and seene Something , to day ; and , by it , you may gather Your Mistresse is a fruite , that 's worth the stealing And therefore worth the watching . Be you sure , now , Yo'have all your eies about you ; and let in No lace-woman ; nor bawd , that brings French-masques , And cut-works . See you ? Nor old croanes , with wafers , To convey letters . Nor no youths , disguis'd Like country-wives , with creame , and marrow-puddings . Much knavery may be vented in a pudding , Much baudy intelligence : They' are shrewd ciphers . Nor turne the key to any neighbours need ; Be 't but to kindle fire , or begg a little , Put it out , rather : all out , to an ashe , That they may see no smoke . Or water , spill it : Knock o' the empty tubs , that by the sound , They may be forbid entry . Say , we are robb'd , If any come to borrow a spoone , or so . I wi'not have good fortune , or gods blessing Let in , while I am busie . Pug. I 'll take care , Sir , They sha'not trouble you , if they would . Fit. Well doe so .
Act. II. Scene . II. Pug. Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . I Have no singular service of this , now ? Nor no superlative Master ? I shall wish To be in hell againe , at leasure ? Bring , A Vice from thence ? That had bin such a subtilty , As to bring broad-clothes hither : or transport Fresh Oranges into Spaine . I finde it , now ; My Chiefe was i' the right . Can any fiend Boast of a better Vice , then heere by nature , And art , th' are owners of ? Hell ne'r owne me , But I am taken ! the fine tract of it Pulls me along ! To heare men such professors Growne in our subtlest Sciences ! My first Act , now , Shall be , to make this Master of mine cuckold : The primitive worke of darkenesse , I will practise ! I will deserve so well of my faire Mistresse , By my discoveries , first ; my counsells after ; And keeping counsell , after that : as who , So ever , is one , I 'll be another , sure , I 'll ha' my share . Most delicate damn'd flesh ! She will be ! O! that I could stay time , now , Midnight will come too fast upon me , I feare , To cut my pleasure � Mis. Fit. Looke at the back-doore , One knocks , see who it is . Pug. Dainty she Divell ! Mis. Fit. I cannot get this venter of the cloake , Out of my fancie ; nor the Gentlemans way , He tooke , which though 't were strange , yet 't was handsome , And had a grace withall , beyond the newnesse . Sure he will thinke me that dull stupid creature , He said , and may conclude it ; if I finde not Some thought to thanke th' attempt . He did presume , By all the carriage of it , on my braine , For answer ; and will sweare 't is very barren , If it can yeeld him no returne . Who is it ? Pug. Mistresse , it is , but first , let me assure The excellence , of Mistresses , I am , Although my Masters man , My Mistresse slave , The servant of her secrets , and sweet turnes , And know , what fitly will conduce to either . Mis. Fit. What 's this ? I pray you come to your selfe and thinke What your part is : to make an answer . Tell , Who is it at the doore ? Pug. The Gentleman , Mistresse , Who was at the cloake-charge to speake with you , This morning , who expects onely to take Some small command'ments from you , what you please , Worthy your forme , he saies , and gentlest manners . Mis. Fit. O! you 'll anon prove his hir'd man , I feare , What has he giv'n you , for this message ? Sir , Bid him put off his hopes of straw , and leave To spread his nets , in view , thus . Though they take Master Fitz-dottrel , I am no such foule , Nor faire one , tell him , will be had with stalking . And wish him to for-beare his acting to me , At the Gentlemans chamber-window in Lincolnes-Inne there , That opens to my gallery : else , I sweare T' acquaint my husband with his folly , and leave him To the just rage of his offended jealousie . Or if your Masters sense be not so quicke To right me , tell him , I shall finde a friend That will repaire me . Say , I will be quiet In mine owne house ? Pray you , in those words give it him . Pug. This is some foole turn'd ! Mis. Fit. If he be the Master , Now , of that state and wit , which I allow him ; Sure , he will understand me : I durst not Be more direct . For this officious fellow , My husbands new groome , is a spie upon me , I finde already . Yet , if he but tell him This in my words , he cannot but conceive Himselfe both apprehended , and requited . I would not have him thinke he met a statue : Or spoke to one , not there , though I were silent . How now ? ha' you tould him ? Pug. Yes . Mis. Fit. And what saies he ? Pug. Saies he ? That which my selfe would say to you , if I durst . That you are proude , sweet Mistresse ! and with-all , A little ignorant , to entertaine The good that 's proffer'd ; and ( by your beauties leave ) Not all so wise , as some true politique wife Would be : who having match'd with such a Nupson ( I speake it with my Masters peace ) whose face Hath left t' accuse him , now , for 't doth confesse him , What you can make him ; will yet ( out of scruple , And a spic'd conscience ) defraud the poore Gentleman , At least delay him in the thing he longs for , And makes it his whole study , how to compasse , Onely a title . Could but he write Cuckold , He had his ends . For , looke you � Mis. Fit. This can be None but my husbands wit . Pug. My pretious Mistresse . Mis. Fit. It creaks his Ingine : The groome never durst Be , else , so saucy � Pug. If it were not clearely , His worshipfull ambition ; and the top of it ; The very forked top too : why should he Keepe you , thus mur'd up in a back-roome , Mistresse , Allow you ne'r a casement to the streete , Feare of engendring by the eyes , with gallants , Forbid you paper , pen and inke , like Rats-bane . Search your halfe pint of muscatell , lest a letter Be suncke i' the pot : and hold your new-laid egge Against the fire � least any charme be writ there ? Will you make benefit of truth , deare Mistresse , If I doe tell it you : I do 't not often ? I am set over you , imploy'd , indeed , To watch your steps , your lookes , your very breathings , And to report them to him . Now , if you Will be a true , right , delicate sweet Mistresse , Why , we will make a cokes of this Wise Master , We will , my Mistresse , an absolute fine Cokes , And mock , to aire , all the deepe diligences Of such a solemne , and effectuall Asse , An Asse to so good purpose , as we 'll use him . I will contrive it so , that you shall goe To Plaies , to Masques , to Meetings , and to Feasts . For , why is all this Rigging , and fine Tackle , Mistresse , If you neate handsome vessells , of good saile , Put not forth ever , and anon , with your nets Abroad into the world . It is your fishing . There you shall chuse your friends , your servants , Lady , Your squires of honour ; I 'll convey your letters , Fetch answers , doe you all the offices , That can belong to your bloud , and beauty . And , For the variety , at my times , although I am not in due symmetrie , the man Of that proportion ; or in rule Of physicke , of the just complexion ; Or of that truth of Piccardell , in clothes , To boast a soveraignty o're Ladies : yet I know , to doe my turnes , sweet Mistresse . Come , kisse � Mis. Fit. How now ! Pug. Deare delicate Mistresse , I am your slave , Your little worme , that loves you : your fine Monkie ; Your Dogge , your Iack , your Pug , that longs to be Stil'd , o' your pleasures . Mis. Fit. Heare you all this ? Sir , Pray you , Come from your standing , doe , a little , spare Your selfe , Sir , from your watch , t' applaud your Squire , That so well followes your instructions !
Act. II. Scene . III . Fitz-dottrell . Mis. Fitz-dottrell . Pug. HOw now , sweetheart ? what 's the matter ? Mis. Fit. Good ! You are a stranger to the plot ! you set not Your saucy Divell , here , to tempt your wife , With all the insolent uncivill language , Or action , he could vent ? Fit. Did you so , Divell ? Mis. Fit. Not you ? you were not planted i' your hole to heare him , Upo'the stayres ? or here , behinde the hangings ? I doe not know your qualities ? he durst doe it , And you not give directions ? Fit. You shall see , wife , Whether he durst , or no : and what it was I did direct . Pug. Sweet Mistresse , are you mad ? Fit. You most meere Rogue ! you open manifest Villaine ! You Fiend apparant you ! you declar'd Hel-hound ! Pug. Good Sir . Fit. Good Knave , good Rascall , and good Traitor . Now , I doe finde you parcel-Divell , indeed . Upo' the point of trust ? I' your first charge ? The very day o' your probation ? To tempt your Mistresse ? You doe see , good wedlocke , How I directed him , Mis. Fit. Why , where Sir , were you ? Fit. Nay , there is one blow more , for exercise : I told you , I should doe it . Pug. Would you had done , Sir . Fit. O wife , the rarest man ! yet there 's another To put you in mind o' the last . Such a brave man , wife ! Within , he has his projects , and do's vent 'hem , The gallantest ! where you tentiginous ? ha ? Would you be acting of the Incubus ? Did her silkes rustling move you ? Pug. Gentle Sir . Fit. Out of my sight . If thy name were not Divell , Thou should'st not stay a minute with me . In , Goe , yet stay : yet goe too . I am resolv'd , What I will doe : and you shall know 't afore-hand . Soone as the Gentleman is gone , doe you heare ? I 'll helpe your lisping . Wife , such a man , wife ! He has such plots ! He will make me a Duke ! No lesse , by heaven ! six Mares , to your coach , wife ! That 's your proportion ! And your coach-man bald ! Because he shall be bare , inough , Doe not you laugh , We are looking for a place , and all , i' the map What to be of . Have faith , be not an Infidell . You know I am not easie to be gull'd . I sweare , when I have my millions , else , I 'll make Another Dutchesse ; if you ha' not faith . Mis. Fit. You 'll ha' too much , I feare , in these false spirits , Fit. Spirits ? O , no such thing ! wife ! wit , meere wit ! This man defies the Divell , and all his works ! He dos't by Ingine , and devises , he ! He has his winged ploughes , that goe with sailes , Will plough you forty acres , at once ! and mills , Will spout you water , ten miles off ! All Crowland Is ours , wife ; and the fens , from us , in Norfolke , To the utmost bound of Lincoln-shire ! we have view'd it . And measur'd it within all ; by the scale ! The richest tract of land , Love , i' the kingdome ! There will be made seventeene , or eighteene millions ; Or more , as 't may be handled ! wherefore , thinke , Sweet heart , if th' hast a fancy to one place , More then another , to be Dutchesse of ; Now , name it : I will ha 't , what ere it cost , ( If 't will be had for mony ) either here , Or'n France , or Italy . Mis. Fit. You ha' strange phantasies !
Act. II. Scene . IV. Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . WHere are you , Sir ? Fit. I see thou hast no talent This way , wife . Up to thy gallery ; doe , Chuck , Leave us to talke of it , who understand it . Mer. I thinke we ha' found a place to fit you , now , Sir . Gloc'ster . Fit. O , no , I 'll none ! Mer. Why , Sir ? Fit. T is fatall . Mer. That you say right in . Spenser , I thinke , the younger , Had his last honour thence . But , he was but Earle . Fit. I know not that , Sir . But Thomas of Woodstocke , I 'm sure , was Duke , and he was made away , At Calice ; as Duke Humphrey was at Bury : And Richard the third , you know what end he came too . Mer. By m'faith you are cunning i' the Chronicle , Sir . Fit. No , I confesse I ha 't from the Play-bookes , And thinke they' are more authentique . Ing. That 's sure , Sir . Mer. What say you ( to this then ) Fit. No a noble house . Pretends to that . I will doe no man wrong . Mer. Then take one proposition more , and here it As past exception . Fit. What 's that ? Mer. To be Duke of those lands , you shall recover : take Your title , thence , Sir , Duke of the Drown'd-lands , Or Drown'd-land . Fit. Ha ? that last has a good sound ! I like it well . The Duke of Dround-'land ? Ing. Yes ; It goes like Green-land , Sir , if you marke it . Mer. I , And drawing thus your honour from the worke , You make the reputation of that , greater ; And stay 't the longer i' your name . Fit. 'T is true . Droun'd-lands will live in Droun'd-land ! Mer. Yes , when you Ha' no foote left ; as that must bee , Sir , one day . And , though it tarry in your heyres , some forty , Fifty descents , the longer liver , at last , yet , Must thrust 'hem out on 't : if no quirk in law , Or odde Vice o'ther owne not do 't first . We see those changes , daily : the faire lands , That were the Clyents , are the Lawyers , now : And those rich Mannors , there , of good man Tailors , Had once more wood upon 'hem then the yard , By which th'were measur'd out for the last purchase . Nature hath these vicissitudes . Shee makes No man a state of perpetuity , Sir . Fit. Yo' are i' the right . Let 's in then , and conclude . I my sight , againe ? I 'll talke with you , anon .
Act. II. Scene . V. Pug. SUre he will geld me , if I stay : or worse , Pluck out my tongue , one o' the two . This Foole , There is no trusting of him : and to quit him , Were a contempt against my Chiefe , past pardon . It was a shrewd disheartning this at first ! Who would ha' thought a woman so well harness'd , Or rather well-caparison'd , indeed , That weares such petticoates , and lace to her smoks , Broad seaming laces ( as I see 'hem hang there ) And garters which are lost , if she can shew 'hem , Could ha' done this ? Hell ! why is shee so brave ? It cannot be to please Duke Dottrel , sure , Nor the dull pictures , in her gallery , Nor her owne deare reflection , in her glasse ; Yet that may be : I have knowne many of 'hem , Beginne their pleasure , but none end it , there : ( That I consider , as I goe a long with it ) They may , for want of better company , Or that they thinke the better , spend an houre ; Two , three , or foure , discoursing with their shaddow : But sure they have a farther speculation . No woman drest with so much care , and study , Doth dresse her selfe in vaine . I 'll vexe this probleme , A little more , before I leave it , sure .
Act. II. Scene . VI. Wittipol . Manly . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Pug. THis was a fortune , happy aboue thought , That this should prove thy chamber ; which I fear'd Would be my greatest trouble ! this must be The very window , and that the roome . Man. It is . I now remember , I have often seen there A woman but I never mark'd her much . Wit. Where was your soule , friend ? Man. Faith , but now , and then , Awake unto those objects . Wit. You pretend so . Let me not live , if I am not in love More with her wit , for this direction , now , Then with her forme , though I ha' prais'd that prettily , Since I saw her , and you , to day . Read those . They 'll goe unto the aire you love so well . Try 'hem unto the note , may be the musique Will call her sooner ; light , shee 's here ! Sing quickly . Mis. Fit. Either he understood him not : or else , The fellow was not faithfull in delivery , Of what I bad . And , I am justly pay'd , That might have made my profit of his service , But , by mis-taking , have drawne on his envy , And done the worse defeate upon my selfe . How ! Musique ? then he may be there : and is sure . Pug. O! Is it so ? Is there the enter-view ? Have I drawne to you , at last , my cunning Lady ? The Divell is an Asse ! fool'd off ! and beaten ! Nay , made an instrument ! and could not sent it ! Well , since yo'have showne the malice of a woman , No lesse then her true wit , and learning , Mistresse , I 'll try , if little Pug have the malignity To recompence it , and so save his danger . 'T is not the paine , but the discredite of it , The Divell should not keepe a body intire . Wit. Away , fall backe , shee comes . Man. I 'll leave you , Sir , The Master of my chamber . I have businesse . Wit. Mis. ! Mis. Fit. You make me paint , Sir . Wit. The' are faire colours , Lady , and naturall ! I did receive Some commands from you lately , gentle Lady , But so perplex'd , and wrap'd in the delivery , As I may feare t' have mis-interpreted : But must make sute still , to be neere your grace . Mis. Fit. Who is there with you , Sir ? Wit. None , but my selfe . It falls out , Lady , to be a deare friends lodging . Wherein there 's some conspiracy of fortune With your poore servants blest affections . Mis. Fit. Who was it sung ? Wi. He , Lady , but he 's gone , Upon my intreaty of him , seeing you Approach the window . Neither need you doubt him , If he were here . He is too much a gentleman . Mis. Fit. Sir if you judge me by this simple action And by the outward habite , and complexion Of easinesse , it hath , to your designe ; You may with Justice , say , I am a woman : And a strange woman . But when you shall please , To bring but that concurrence of my fortune , To memory , which to day your selfe did urge : It may beget some favor like excuse , Though none like reason . Wit. No , my tune-full Mistresse ? Then , surely , Love hath none ; nor Beauty any ; Nor Nature violenced , in both these : With all whose gentle tongues you speake , at once . I thought I had inough remov'd , already , That scruple from your brest , and left yo'all reason ; When , through my mornings perspective I shewd you A man so above excuse , as he is the cause , Why any thing is to be done upon him : And nothing call'd an injury , mis-plac'd . I rather now had hope , to shew you how Love By his accesses , growes more naturall : And , what was done , this morning , with such force Was but devis'd to serve the present , then . That since love hath the honour to approach These sister-swelling brests ; and touch this soft , And rosie hand ; he hath the skill to draw Their Nectar forth , with kissing ; and could make More wanton salts , from this brave promontory , Downe to this valley , then the nimble Roe ; Could play the hopping Sparrow , 'bout these nets ; And sporting Squirell in these crisped groves ; Bury himselfe in every Silke-wormes kell , Is here unravel'd ; runne into the snare , Which every haire is , is cast into a curle , To catch a Cupid flying : Bath himselfe In milke , and roses , here , and dry him , there ; Warme his cold hands , to play with this smooth , round , And well torn'd chin , as with the Billyard ball ; Rowle on these lips , the banks of love , and there At once both plant , and gather kisses . Lady , Shall I , with what I have made to day here , call All sense to wonder , and all faith to signe The misteries revealed in your forme ? And will Love pardon me the blasphemy I utter'd , when I said , a glasse could speake This beauty , or that fooles had power to judge it ? Doe but looke , on her eies ! They doe light � All that Love's world comprizeth ! Doe but looke on her haire ! it is bright , As Love's starre , when it riseth ! Doe but marke , her fore-head smoother , Then words that sooth her ! And from her arched browes , such grace Sheds it selfe through the face ; As alone , there triumphs to the life , All the gaine , all the good , of the elements strife ! Have you seene but a bright Lilly grow , Before rude hands have touch'd it ? Have you mark'd but the fall of Snow , Before the soyle hath smutch'd it ? Have you felt the wooll o' the Bever ? Or Swans downe , ever ? Or , have smelt o' the bud o' the Brier ? Or the Nard i' the fire ? Or , have tasted the bag o' the Bee ? O , so white ! O , so soft ! O , so sweet is shee .
Act. II. Scene . VII. Fitz-dottrell . Wittipol . Pug. IS shee so , Sir ? and , I will keepe her so . If I know how , or can : that wit of man Will doe 't , I 'll goe no farther . At this window ' She shall no more be buz'd at . Take your leave on 't . If you be sweet meates , wedlock , or sweet flesh , All 's one : I doe not love this hum about you . A fly-blowne wife is not so proper , In : For you , Sir , looke to heare from me .. Wit. So , I doe , Sir . Fit. No , but in other tearmes . There 's no man offers This to my wife , but paies for 't , Wit. That have I , Sir . Fit. Nay , then , I tell you , you are . Wit. What am I , Sir ? Fit. Why , that I 'll thinke on , when I ha' cut your throat . Wit. Goe , you are an Asse . Fit. I am resolv'd on 't , Sir . Wit. I thinke you are . Fit. To call you to a reckoning . Wit. Away , you brokers blocke , you property . Fit. S'light , if you strike me , I 'll strike your Mistresse , Wit. O! I could shoote my eyes at him , for that , now ; Or leave my teeth in him , were they cuckolds bane , Inough to kill him . What prodigious , Blinde , and most wicked change of fortune 's this ? I ha' no aire of patience : all my vaines Swell , and my sinewes start at iniquity of it . I shall breake , breake . Pug. This for the malice of it , And my revenge may passe ! But , now , my conscience Tells mee , I have profited the cause of Hell But little , in the breaking-off their loves . Which , if some other act of mine repaire not , I shall heare ill of my accompt . Fit. O , Bird ! Could you doe this ? 'gainst me ? and at this time , now ? When I was so imploy'd , wholly for you , Drown'd i' my care ( more , then the land , I sweare , I'have hope to win ) to make you peere-lesse ? studying , For footmen for you , fine pac'd huishers , pages , To serve you o' the knee ; with what Knights wife , To beare your traine , and sit with your foure women In councell , and receive intelligences , From forraine parts , to dresse you at all pieces ! Y'have ( a'most ) turn'd my good affection , to you ; Sowr'd my sweet thoughts ; all my pure purposes : I could now finde ( i' my very heart ) to make Another , Lady Dutchesse ; and depose you . Well , goe your waies in . Divell , you have redeem'd all . I doe forgive you . And I 'll doe you good .
Act. III. Scene . VIII. Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . Traines . WHy ha' you these excursions ? where ha' you beene , Sir ? Fit. Where I ha' beene vex'd a little , with a toy ! Mer. O Sir ! no toies must trouble your grave head , Now it is growing to be great . You must Be above all those things . Fit. Nay , nay , so I will . Mer. Now you are to'ard the Lord , you must put off The man , Sir . Ing. He saies true . Mer. You must doe nothing As you ha' done it heretofore ; not know , Or salute any man . Ing. That was your bed-fellow , The other moneth . Mer. The other moneth ? the weeke . Thou dost not know the priviledges , Ingine , Follow that Title ; nor how swift : To day , When he has put on his Lords face once , then � Fit. Sir , for these things I shall doe well enough , There is no feare of me . But then , my wife is Such an untoward thing ! shee 'll never learne How to comport with it ! I am out of all Conceipt , on her behalfe . Mer. Best have her taught , Sir . Fit. Where ? Are there any Schooles for Ladies ? Is there An Academy for women ? I doe know , For men there was : I learn'd in it , my selfe , To make my legges , and doe my postures . Ing. Sir . Doe you remember the conceipt you had � O' the Spanish gowne , at home ? Mer. Ha! I doe thanke thee , With all my heart , deare Ingine . Sir , there is A certaine Lady , here about the Towne , An English widdow , who hath lately travell'd , But shee 's call'd the Spaniard ; cause she came Latest from thence : keeps the Spanish habit . Such a rare woman ! all our women heere , That are of spirit , and fashion flocke , unto her , As to their President ; their Law ; their Canon ; More then they ever did , to Oracle-Foreman . Such rare receipts she has , Sir , for the face ; Such oyles ; such tinctures ; such pomatumn's ; Such perfumes ; med'cines ; quintessences , &c. And such a mistresse of behavior ; She knowes , from the Dukes daughter , to the Doxey , What is their due just : and no more ! Fit. O , Sir ! You please me i'th is , more then mine owne greatnesse . Where is she ? Let us have her . Mer. by your patience , We must use meanes ; cast how to be acquainted � Fit. Good Sir , about it . Mer. We must think how , first , Fit. O! I do not love to tarry for a thing , When I have a mind to 't . You doe not know me . If you doe offer it . Mer. Your wife must send Some pretty token to her , with a complement , And pray to be receiv'd in her graces , All the great Ladies do 't , Fit. She shall , she shall , What were it best to be ? Mer. Some little toy , I would not have it any great matter , Sir : A Diamant ring , of forty or fifty pound , Would doe it handsomely : and be a gift Fit for your wife to send , and her to take . Fit. I 'll goe , and tell my wife on 't , streight . Mer. Why this Is well ! the clothes we'have now : But where 's this Lady ? If we could get a witty boy , now , Ingine ; That were an excellent cracke . I could instruct him , To the true height . For any thing takes this dottrel . Ing. Why , Sir your best will be one o' the players ! Mer. No , there 's no trusting them . They 'll talke on 't , And tell their Poets . Ing. What if they doe ? the jest Will brooke the Stage . But there be some of 'hem Are very honest Lads . There 's Dicke Robinson A very pretty fellow , and comes often To a Gentlemans chamber , a friends of mine . We had The merriest supper of it there , one night , The Gentlemans Land-lady invited him To'a Gossips feast , Now , he Sir brought Dick Robinson , Drest like a Lawyers wife , amongst 'hem all ; ( I lent him cloathes ) but , to see him behave it ; And lay the law ; and carve ; and drinke unto 'hem ; And then talke baudy : and send frolicks ! o ! It would have burst your bottons , or not left you A seame . Mer. They say hee 's an ingenious youth ! Ing. O Sir ! and dresses himselfe , the best ! beyond Forty o' your very Ladies ! did you ne'r see him ? Mer. No , I doe seldome see those toyes . But thinke you , That we may have him ? Ing. Sir , the young Gentleman I tell you of , can command him . Shall I attempt it ? Mer. Yes doe it . Fit. S'light , I cannot get my wife To part with a ring , on any termes : and yet , The sollen Monkey has two . Mer. It were 'gainst reason , That you should urge it ; Sir , send to a Gold-smith , Let not her lose by 't . Fit. How do's she lose by 't ? Is 't not for her ? Mer. Make it your owne bounty , It will ha' the better successe ; what is a matter Of fifty pound to you , Sir . Fit. I have but a hundred Pieces , to shew here ; that I would not breake � Mer. You shall ha' credit , Sir . I 'll send a ticket Unto my Gold-smith . Heere , my man comes too , To carry it fitly . How , now , Traines ? What birds ? Tra. Your Cousin Ever-ill met me , and has beat me , Because I would not tell him where you were : I thinke he has dogd me to the house too . Fit. Well � You shall goe out at the back-doore , then , Traines . You must get Guilt-head hither , by some meanes : Tra. 'T is impossible ! Fit. Tell him we have venison , I 'll g 'him a piece , and send his wife a Phesant . Tra. A Forrest moves not till that forty pound , Yo 'had of him , last , be pai'd . He keepes more stirre , For that same petty some , then for your bond Of sixe ; and Statute of eight hundred ! Fit. Tell him Wee 'll hedge in that . Cry up Fitz-dottrell to him , Double his price : Make him a man of mettall . Tra. That will not need , his bond is currant inough .
Act. III. Scene . I. Guilt-head . Plutarchus . ALl this is to make you a Gentleman : I 'll have you learne , Sonne . Wherefore have I plac'd you With Sir . Pould Either-side , but to have so much Law To keepe your owne ? Besides , he is a Iustice , Here i' the Towne ; and dwelling , Sonne , with him , You shall learne that in a yeere , shall be worth twenty Of having stay'd you at Oxford , or at Cambridge , Or sending you to the Innes of Court , or France . I am call'd for now in haste , by Master Meere-craft To trust Master Fitz-dottrell , a good man : I'have inquir'd him , eighteene hundred a yeere , ( His name is currant ) for a diamant ring Of forty , shall not be worth thirty ( that 's gain'd ) And this is to make you a Gentleman ! Plu. O , but good father , you trust too much ! Gui. Boy , boy , We live , by finding fooles out , to be trusted . Our shop-bookes are our pastures , our corn-grounds , We lay 'hem op'n , for them to come into : And when we have 'hem there , we drive 'hem up In t'one of our two Pounds , the Compters , streight , And this is to make you a Gentleman ! We Citizens never trust , but we doe coozen : For , if our debters pay , we coozen them ; And if they do not , then we coozen our selves . But that 's a hazard every one must runne , That hopes to make his Sonne a Gentleman ! Plu. I doe not wish to be one , truly , Father . In a descent , or two , we come to be Just 'itheir state , fit to be coozend , like 'hem . And I had rather ha' tarried i' your trade : For , since the Gentry scorne the Citty so much , Me thinks we should in time , holding together , And matching in our owne tribes , as they say , Have got an Act of Common Councell , for it , That we might coozen them out of rerum natura . Gui. I , if we had an Act first to forbid The marrying of our wealthy heires unto 'hem : And daughters , with such lavish portions , That confounds all . Plu. And makes a Mungril breed , Father . And when they have your money then they laugh at you : Or kick you downe the staires . I cannot abide 'hem . I would faine have 'hem coozen'd , but not trusted .
Act. III. Scene . II. Meere-craft . Guilt-head . Fitz-dottrell . Plutarchus . O , Is he come ! I knew he would not faile me . Welcome , good Guilt-head , I must ha' you doe A noble Gentleman , a courtesie , here : In a mere toy ( some pretty Ring , or Jewell ) Of fifty , or threescore pound ( Make it a hundred , And hedge in the last forty , that I owe you , And your owne price for the Ring ) He 's a good man , Sir , And you may hap ' see him a great one ! He , Is likely to bestow hundreds , and thousands , Wi' you ; if you can humour him . A great Prince He will be shortly . What doe you say ? Gui. In truth , Sir I cannot . 'T has beene a long vacation with us . Fit. Of what , I pray thee ? of wit ? or honesty ? Those are your Citizens long vacations . Plu. Good Father do not trust 'hem . Mer. Nay , Thom. Guilt-head . He will not buy a courtesie and begge it : He 'll rather pay , then pray . If you doe for him , You must doe cheerefully . His credit , Sir , Is not yet prostitute ! Who 's this ? thy sonne ? A pretty youth , what 's his name ? Plu. Plutarchus , Sir . Mer. Plutarchus ! How came that about ? Gui. That yeere Sir , That I begot him , I bought Plutarch's lives , And fell s' in love with the booke , as I call'd my sonne By' his name ; In hope he should be like him : And write the lives of our great men ! Mer. I' the City ? And you doe breed him , there ? Gui. His mind , Sir , lies Much to that way . Mer. Why , then , he is i' the right way . Gui. But , now , I had rather get him him a good wife , And plant him i' the country ; there to use The blessing I shall leave him . Mer. Out upont 't ! And lose the laudable meanes , thou hast at home , here , T' advance , and make him a young Alderman ? Buy him a Captaines place , for shame ; and let him Into the world , early , and with his plume , And Scarfes , march through Cheapside , or along Cornehill , And by the vertue ' of those , draw downe a wife There from a windo' , worth ten thousand pound ! Get him the posture booke , and 's leaden men , To set upon a table , 'gainst his Mistresse Chance to come by , that he may draw her in , And shew her Finsbury battells . Gui. I have plac'd him With Justice Etherside , to get so much law � Mer. As thou hast conscience ! Come , come , thou dost wrong Pretty Plutarchus , who had not his name , For nothing : but was borne to traine the youth Of London , in the millitary truth � That way his Genius lies . My Cousin Everill !
Act. III. Scene . III . Ever-ill . Plutarchus . Guilt-head . Meer-craft . Fitz-dottrell . O , Are you heere , Sir ? 'pray you let us whisper . Plu. Father , deare Father , trust him if you love me . Guil. Why , I doe meane it , boy ; but , what I doe , Must not come easily from me : Wee must deale With Courtiers , boy , as Courtiers deale with us . If I have a Businesse there , with any of them , Why , I must waite , I 'am sure on 't , Son : and though My Lord dispatch me , yet his worshipfull man � Will keepe me for his sport , a moneth , or two , To shew me with my fellow Cittizens . I must make his traine long , and full , one quarter ; And helpe the spectacle of his greatnesse . There , Nothing is done at once , but injuries , boy : And they come head-long ! all their good turnes move not , Or very slowly . Plu. Yet sweet father , trust him . Gui. Well , I will thinke .. Ev. Come , you must do 't , Sir . I 'am undone else , and your Lady Tail-bush Has sent for me to dinner , and my cloaths Are all at pawne . I had sent out this morning , Before I heard you were come to towne , some twenty Of my Epistles , and no one returne � Mer. Why , I ha' told you o'th is . This comes of wearing Scarlet , gold lace , and cut-works ! your fine gartring ! With your blowne roses , Cousin ! and your eating Phesant , and Godwit . here in London ! haunting The Globes , and Mermaides ! and wedging in with Lords , Still at the table ! and affecting lechery , In velvet ! where could you ha' contented your selfe With cheese , salt-butter , and a pickled hering , I' the Low-countries ; there worne cloth , and fustian ! Beene satisfied with a leape o' your Host's daughter , In garrison , a wench of a stoter ! or , Your Sutlers wife , i' the leaguer , of two blanks ! You never , then , had runne upon this flat , To write your letters missive , and send out Your privy seales , that thus have frighted off All your acquaintance ; that they shun you at distance , Worse , then you do the Bailies ! Eve. Pox upon you . I come not to you for counsell , I lack money . Mer. You doe not thinke , what you owe me already ? Eve. I ? They owe you that meane to pay you . I 'll be sworne , I never meant it . Come , you will project , I shall undoe your practice , for this moneth ��� You know me . Mer. I yo' are a right sweet nature ! Eve. Well , that 's all one ! Mer. You 'll leave this Empire , one day ? You will not ever have this tribute payd , Your scepter o' the sword ? Eve. Tye up your wit , Doe , and provoke me not � Mer. Will you , Sir , helpe , To what I shall provoke another for you ? Eve. I cannot tell ; try me : I thinke I am not So utterly , of an ore un-to-be-melted , But I can doe my selfe good , on occasions . Mer. Strike in then , for your part . Mr. Fitz-dottrel If I transgresse in point of manners , afford me Your best construction ; I must beg my freedome From your affaires , this day . Fit. How , Sir . Mer. It is In succor of this Gentlemans occasions , My kins-man � Fit. You 'll not doe me that affront , Sir . Mer. I am sorry you should so interpret it , But , Sir , it stands upon his being invested , In a new , office , he has stood for , long : Master of the Dependances ! A place Of my projection too , Sir , and hath met Much opposition ; but the State , now see 's That great necessity of it , as after all Their writing , and their speaking , against Divells , They have erected it . His booke is drawne � For , since , there will be differences , daily , 'Twixt Gentlemen ; and that the roaring manner Is growne offensive ; that those few , we call The civill men o' the sword , abhorre the vapours ; They shall refer now , hither , for their processe ; And such as trespasse 'gainst the rule of Court , Are to be fin'd � Fit. In troth , a pretty place ! Mer. A kinde of arbitrary Court 't will be , Sir . Fit. I shall have matter for it , I beleeve , Ere it be long : I had a distast . Mer. But now , Sir , My learned councell , they must have a feeling , They 'll part , Sir , with no bookes , without the hand gout Be oyld , and I must furnish . If 't be money , To me streight . I am Mine , Mint and Exchequer , To supply all . What is 't ? a hundred pound ? Eve. No th' Harpey , now stands on a hundred pieces . Mer. Why , he must have 'hem , if he will . To morrow , Sir , Will equally serve your occasion's , � And therefore , let me obtaine , that you will yeeld To timing a poore Gentlemans distresses , In termes of hazard . � Fit. By no meanes ! Mer. I must Get him him this money , and will . � Fit. Sir , I protest , I 'd rather stand engag'd for it my selfe : Then you should leave me . Mer. O good Sir , doe you thinke So coursely of our manners , that we would , For any need of ours , be prest to take it : Though you be pleas'd to offer it . Fit. Why by heaven , I meane it ! Mer. I can never beleeve lesse . But we , Sir , must preserve our dignity , As you doe publish yours . By your faire leave , Sir . Fit. As I am a Gentleman , if you doe offer To leave me now , or if you doe refuse me , I will not thinke you love me . Mer. Sir , I honour you . And with just reason , for these noble notes , Of the nobility , you pretend too ! But , Sir � I would know , why ? a motive ( he a stranger ) You should doe this ? ( Eve. You 'll mar all with your finenesse ) Fit. Why , that 's all one , if 't were , Sir , but my fancy . But I have a Businesse , that perhaps I 'd have Brought to his office . Mer. O , Sir ! I have done , then ; If he can be made profitable , to you . Fit. Yes , and it shall be one of my ambitions To have it the first Businesse ? May I not ? Eve. So you doe meane to make 't , a perfect Businesse . Fit. Nay I 'll doe that assure you : shew me once . Mer Sir , ��� concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse , For his own honour ! Eve. I , and th' reputation To of my place . Fit. Why , why , doe I take this course , else ? ��� not altogether , an Asse , good Gentlemen , Wherefore should I consult you ? doe you thinke ? To make a song on 't ? How 's your manner ? tell us . Mer. Doe , satisfie him : give him the whole course . Eve. First , by request , or otherwise you offer Your Businesse to the Court : wherein you crave : The judgement of the Master and the Assistants . Fit. Well , that 's done , now , what doe you upon it ? Eve. We streight Sir , haue recourse to the spring-head ; Visit the ground ; and so disclose the nature : If it will carry , or no . If we doe finde , By your proportions it is like to prove A sullen , and blacke Bus'nesse That it be Incorrigible ; and out of , treaty ; then , We file it , a Dependance ! Fit. So 't is fil'd . What followes ? I doe love the order of these things . Eve. We then advise the party , if he be A man of meanes and havings � that forth-with , He settle his estate : if not , at least That he pretend it . For , by that , the world Takes notice , thatt inow is a Dependance . And this we call , Sir , Publication . Fit. Very sufficient ! After Publication , now ? Eve Then we grant out our Processe , which is divers ; Either by Chartell , Sir , or ore-tenus , Wherein the Challenger , and Challengee Or ( with your Spaniard ) your Provocador , And Provocado , have their severall courses � Fit. I have enough on 't ! for an hundred pieces ? Yes , for two hundred , under-write me doe . Your man will take my bond ? Mer. That he will , sure , But , these same Citizens , they are such sharks ! There 's an old debt of forty , I ga'my word For one is runne away , into the Bermudas , And he will hooke in that , or he wi'not doe . Fit. Why let him . That and the ring , and a hundred pieces , Will all but make two hundred ? Mer. No , no more , Sir . What ready Arithmetique you have ? do you heare ? A pretty mornings worke for you , this ? Do it , You shall ha' twenty pound on 't . Gui. Twenty pieces ? ( Plu. Good Father , do 't ) Mer. You will hooke still ? well , Shew us your ring . You could not ha' done this , now With gentlenesse , at first , we might ha' thank'd you ? But groane , and ha' your courtesies come from you Like a hard stoole , and stinke ? A man may draw Your teeth out easier , then your money ? Come , Were little Guilt-head heere , no better a nature , I should ne'r love him , that could pull his lips off , now ! Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman ? Plu. Yes , Sir . Mer. And went to the Court at Christmas , and St. Georges-tide ? And lent the Lords-men , chaines ? Plu. Of gold , and pearle , Sir . Mer. I knew , thou must take , after some body ! Thou could'st not be else . This was no shop-looke I 'll ha'thee Captaine Guilt-head , and march up , And take in Pimlico , and kill the bush , At every taverne ! Thou shalt have a wife , If smocks will mount , boy . How now ? you ha' there now Some Bristo-stone , or Cornish counterfet You 'ld put upon us . Guil. No , Sir , I assure you : Looke on his luster ! he will speake himselfe ! I 'le gi' you leave to put him i' the Mill , H 'is no great , large stone , but a true Paragon , H' has all his corners , view him well . Mer. H 'is yellow . Gui. Vpo'my faith , Sir , o' the right black-water , And very deepe ! H 'is set without a foyle , too . Here 's one o' the yellow water , I 'll sell cheape . Mer. And what doe you valew this at ? thirty pound ? Gui. No , Sir , he cost me forty , ere he was set . Mer. Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks : You' are growne the better Fathers of 'hem o'late , Well , where 't must goe , t will be judg'd , and therefore , Looke you't be right . You shall have fifty pound for 't . Not a deneer more ! And because you would Have things dispatch'd , Sir , I 'll goe presently , Inquire out this Lady , If you thinke good Sir . Having an hundred pieces ready , you may Part with those , now , to serve my kinsmans turnes , That he may wait upon you , anon , the freer ; And take 'hem when you ha' seal'd , againe , of Guilt-head . Fit. I care not if I doe ! Mer. And dispatch all , Together , Fit. Th' are just : a hundred pieces ! I' ha' told 'hem over , twice a day , these two months . Mer. Well , goe and seale then , Sir , make your returne As speedy as you can . Eve. Come gi' me . Mer. Soft Sir . Eve. Marry , and faire too , then . I 'll no delaying , Sir . Mer. But you will heare ? Eve. Yes , when I have my divident . Mer. There 's forty pieces for you . Eve. What is this for ? Mer. Your halfe . You know that Guilt-head must ha' twenty . Eve. And what 's your ring there ? shall I ha' none o'th at ? Mer. O , that 's to be given to a Lady ! Eve. Is 't so ? Mer. By that good light , it is . Eve. Come , gi' me Ten pieces more then . Mer. Why ? Eve. For Guilt , head ? Sir , Doe you thinke , I 'll 'low him any such share . Mer. You must . Eve. Must I ? Doe you your musts , Sir , I 'll doe mine , You wi'not part with the whole , Sir ? Will you ? Goe too . Gi' me ten pieces ! Mer. By what law doe you this ? Eve. E'n Lyon-law , Sir , I must roare else . Mer. Good ! Eve. Yo'have heard , how th' Asse made his divisions wisely ? Mer. And I am he , I thanke you . Eve. Much good doe you , Sir . Mer. I shall be rid o'th is tyranny , one day ? Eve. Not , While you doe eate , and lie about the towne here ; And coozen i' your bullions and I stand Your name of credit , and compound your businesse ; Adjourne beatings every terme ; and make New parties for your projects . I have now A pretty tasque of it , to hold you in Wi'your Lady Taile-bush : but the toy will be , How we shall both come off ? Mer. Leave your doubting , And doe your portion , what 's assign'd you : I Never fail'd yet . Eve. With reference to your aides ? You 'll still be unthankfull . Where shall I meete you anon ? You ha' some feate to be done alone , now , I see ; You wish me gone , well , I will finde you out , And bring you after to the audit . Mer. S'light ! There 's Ingines share too , I had forgot ! This raigne Is too-too unsuportable ! I must Quit my selfe of this vassalege ! Ingine ! welcome .
Act. III. Scene . IV. Meer-craft . Wittipol . Ingine . HOw goes the cry ? Ing Excellent well ! Mer. Wil 't do ? Where 's Robinson ? Ing. Here is the Gentleman , Sir . Will undertake t'himselfe . I have acquainted him . Mer. Why did you so ? Ing. Why , Robinson would ha' told him , You know . And he 's a pleasant wit ! will hurt Nothing you purpose . Then , he 'is of opinion , That Robinson might have audacity , She being such a gallant . Now , he has beene , In Spaine , and knowes the fashions there , and can Discourse ; and being but mirth ( he saies ) leave much , To his care : Mer. But he is too tall ! Ing. For that , He has the bravest device ! ( you 'll love him for 't ) To say , he weares Cioppines : and they doe so In Spaine . And Robinson 's as tall , as he . Mer. Is he so ? Ing. Every jot . Mer. Nay , I had rather To trust a Gentleman with it , o' the two . Ing. Pray you goe to him , then , Sir , and salute him . Mer. Sir , my friend Ingine has acquainted you With a strange businesse , here . Wit. A merry one , Sir . The Duke of Droun'd land , and his Dutchesse ? Mer. Yes , Sir . Now , that the Conjurers ha' laid him by , I ha' made bold to borrow him a while ; Wit. With purpose , yet , to put him out I hope To his best use ? Mer. Yes , Sir . Wit. For that small part , That I am trusted with , put off your care : I would not lose to doe it , for the mirth , Will follow of it ; and well I have a fancy . Mer. Sir , that will make it well . Wit. You will report it so . Where must I have my dressing ? Ing. At my house , Sir . Mer. You shall have caution , Sir , for what he yeelds , To six pence . Wit. You shall pardon me . I will share , Sir , I' your sports , only : nothing i' your purchase . But you must furnish me with complements , To th' manner of Spaine ; my coach , my guarda duenn'as ; Mer. Ingine 's your Pro'vedor . But , Sir , I must ( Now I'have entred trust wi' you , thus farre ) Secure still i' your quality , acquaint you With somewhat , beyond this . The place design'd To be the Scene , for this our merry matter , Because it must have countenance of women , To draw discourse , and offer it , is hereby , At the Lady Taile-bushes . Wit. I know her , Sir , And her Gentleman huisher . Mer. Mr. Ambler ? Wit. Yes , Sir . Mer. Sir , it shall be no shame to me , to confesse To you that we poore Gentlemen , that want acres , Must for our needs , turne fooles up , and plough Ladies Sometimes , to try what glebe they are : and this Is no unfruitfull piece . She and I now , Are on a project for the fact , and venting Of a new kinde of fucus ( paint for Ladies ) To serve the kingdome : wherein she her selfe Hath travell'd , specially by way of service Vnto her sexe , and hopes to get the Monopoly , As the reward of her invention . Wit. What is her end , in this ? Ev. Merely ambition , Sir , to grow great , and court it with the secret : Though she pretend some other . For she 's dealing , Already , upon caution for the shares , And Mr. Ambler , is he nam'd Examiner For the ingredients ; and the Register Of what is vented ; and shall keepe the Office . Now , if she breake with you , of this ( as I Must make the leading thred to your acquaintance , That how experience gotten i' your being Abroad , will helpe our businesse ) thinke of some Pretty additions , but to keepe her floting : It may be , she will offer you a part , Any strange names of � Wit. Sir , I have my instructions . Is it not high time to be making ready ? Mer. Yes , Sir , Ing. The foole 's in sight , Dottrel . Mer. Away then .
Act. III. Scene . V. Mere-craft , Fitz-dottrell , Pug. REturn'd so soone ? Fit. Yes , here 's the ring : I ha' seal'd . But there 's not so much gold in all the row , he saies � Till 't come fro' the Mint . 'T is tane up for the gamsters . Mer. There 's a shop-shift ! plague on 'hem . Fit. He do's sweare it . Mer. He 'll sweare , and forsweare too , it is his trade , You should not have left him . Fit. S'lid , I can goe backe , And beat him , yet . Mer. No , now let him alone . Fit. I was so earnest , after the maine Businesse , To have this ring , gone . Mer. True , and 't is time . I have learn'd , Sir , sin'you went , her Ladiship eats With the Lady Tail-bush , here , hard by . Fit. I' the lane here ? Mer. Yes , if yo 'had a servant , now of presence , Well cloth'd , and of an aëry voluble tongue , Neither too bigge , or little for his mouth , That could deliver your wives complement ; To send along withall . Fit. I have one Sir , A very handsome , gentleman-like-fellow , That I doe meane to make my Dutchesse Vsher � I entertain'd him , but this morning , too : I 'll call him to you . The worst of him , is his name ! Mer. She 'll take no note of that , but of his message . Fit. Divell ! How like you him , Sir . Pace , go a little . Let 's see you move . Mer. He 'll serve , Sir , give it him : And let him goe along with me , I 'll helpe To present him , and it . Fit. Looke , you doe sirah , Discharge this well , as you expect your place . Do' you heare , goe on , come off with all your honours . I would faine see him , do it . Mer. Trust him , with it ; Fit. Remember kissing of your hand , and answering With the French-time , in flexure of your body . I could not so instruct him � and for his words � Mer I 'll put them in his mouth . Fit. O , but I have 'hem O' the very Academies ! Mer. Sir , you 'll have use for 'hem , Anon , your selfe , I warrant you : after dinner , When you are call'd . Fit. S'light , that 'll be just play-time . It cannot be , I must not lose the play ! Mer. Sir , but you must , if she appoint to sit . And , she 's president . Fit. S'lid , it is the Divell ! Mer. And 't were his Damme too , you must now apply Your selfe , Sir , to this , wholly ; or lose all . Fit. If I could but see a piece � Mer. Sir . Never think on 't . Fit. Come but to one act , and I did not care � But to be seene to rise , and goe away , To vex the Players , and to punish their Poet � Keepe him in awe ! Mer. But say , that he be on t , Wi'not be aw'd ! but laugh at you . How then ? Fit. Then he shall pay for'h is dinner himselfe . Mer. Perhaps , He would do that twice , rather then thanke you . Come , get the Diuell out of your head , my Lord , ( I 'll call you so in private still ) and take Your Lord-ship i' your minde . You were , sweet Lord , In talke to bringe a Businesse to the Office . Fit. Yes . Mer. Why should not you , Sir , carry it o' your selfe , Before the Office be up ? and shew the world , You had no need of any mans direction ; In point , Sir , of sufficiency . I speake Against a kinsman , but as one that tenders Your graces good . Fit. I thanke you ; to proceed � Mer. To Publications : ha' your Deed drawne presently . And leave a blancke to put in your Feoffees One , two , or more , as you see cause � Fit. I thanke you Heartily , I doe thanke you . Not a word more , I pray you , as you love me . Let me alone . That I could not thinke o'th is , as well as he ? O , I could beate my infinite blocke-head � ! Mer. Come , we must this way . Pug. How far is 't . Mer. Hard by here Over the way . Now , to atchieve this ring , From this same fellow , that is to assure it ; Before he give it . Though my Spanish Lady , Be a young Gentleman of meanes , and scorne To share as he doth say , I doe not know How such a toy may tempt his Ladyship : And therefore , I thinke best , it be assur'd . Pug. Sir , be the Ladies brave , we goe unto ? Mer. O , yes . Pug. And shall I see 'hem , and speake to 'hem ? Mer. What else ? ha' you your false beard about you ? Traines . Tra. Yes . Mer. And is this one of your double Cloakes ? Tra. The best of 'hem . Mer. Be ready then . Sweet Pitfall !
Act. III. Scene . VI. Mere-craft , Pitfall , Pug , Traines . COme , I must busse � Pit. Away . Mer. I 'll set thee up againe ; Never feare that : canst thou get ne'r a bird ? No Thrushes hungry ? Stay till cold weather come , I 'll helpe thee to an Ousell , or a Field-fare . Who 's within with Madame ? Pit. I 'll tell you straight . Mer. Please you stay here a while Sir , I 'll goe in . Pug. I doe so long to have a little venery , While I am in this body ! I would taste Of every sinne , a little , if it might be After the manner of man ! Sweet heart ! Pit. What would you , Sir ? Pug. Nothing but fall in , to you , be your Blacke-bird , My pretty pit ( as the Gentleman said ) your Throstle : Lye tame , and taken with you ; here'i 's gold ! To buy you so much new stuffes from the shop , As I may take the old up � Tra. You must send , Sir , The Gentleman the ring . Pug. There 't is . Nay looke , Will you be foolish , Pit . Pit. This is strange rudenesse . Pug Deare Pit . Pit. I 'll call , I sweare . Mer. Where are you , Sir ? Is your ring ready ? Goe with me . Pug. I sent it you . Mer. Me ? When ? by whom ? Pug. A fellow here , e'en now , Came for it i' your name . Mer. I sent none , sure . My meaning ever was , you should deliver it , Your selfe : So was your Masters charge , you know . What fellow was it , doe you know him ? Pug. Here , But now , he had it . Mer. Saw you any ? Traines ? Tra. Not I . Pug. The gentleman saw him . Mer. Enquire . Pug. I was so earnest upon her , I mark'd not ! My divellish Chiefe has put me here in flesh , To shame me ! This dull body I am in , I perceive nothing with ! I offer at nothing , That will succeed ! Tra. Sir , she saw none , she saies . Pug. Satan himselfe , has tane a shape t' abuse me . It could not be else ! Mer. This is above strange ? That you should be so retchlesse . what 'll you do Sir ? How will you answer this , when you are question'd ? Pug. Run from my flesh , if I could : put off mankind ! This 's such a scorne ! and will be a new exercise , For my Arch-Duke ! Woe to the severall cudgells , Must suffer , on this backe ! Can you no suckers ? Sir ? Mer. Alas ! use of it is so present . Pug. I aske , Sir , credit for another , but till to morrow ? Mer. There is not so much time , Sir . But how ever , The Lady is a noble Lady , and will ( To save a Gentleman from check ) be intreated To say , she ha's receiv'd it . Pug. Do you thinke so ? Will she be won ? Mer. No doubt , to such an office , It will be a Lady's bravery , and her pride . Pug. And not be knowne on 't after , unto him ? Mer. That were a treachery ! Upon my word . Be confident . Returne unto your master , My Lady President sits this after-noone , Ha's tane the ring , commends her services Vnto your Lady-Dutchesse . You may say She 's a civell Lady , and do's give her All her respects , already : Bad you tell her She lives , but to receive her wish'd commandements , And have the honour here to kisse her hands : For which shee 'll stay this houre yet . Hasten you Your Prince , away . Pug. And Sir , you will take care Th' excuse be perfect ? Mer. You confesse your feares . Too much . Pug. The shame is more , I 'll quit you of either .
Act. VI. Scene . I. Taile � bush . Mere-craft , Manly . A pox upo ' referring to Commissioners , I 'had rather heare that it were past the seales : Your Courtiers move so Snaile-like i' your Businesse . Would I had not begun wi' you . Mer. Wee must move , Madame , in order , by degrees : not jump . Tai. Why , there was Sr. Iohn Monie-man could jump A Businesse quickely . Mer. True he had great friends , But because some , sweet Madame , can leape ditches , We must not all shunne to goe over bridges , The harder parts , I make account are done : Now 't is referr'd . You are infinitely bound Vnto the Ladies , they ha' so cri'd it up ! Tay. Doe they like it then ? Mer. They ha' sent the Spanish Lady To gratulate with you � Tay. I must send 'hem thankes And some remembrances . Mer. That you must , and visit 'hem . Where 's Ambler ? Tay. Lost to day , we cannot heare of him . Mer. Not madame ? Tay. No in good faith . They say he lay not At home to night , And here has fallen a Businesse Betweene your Cousin and Master Manly , has Vnquieted us all . Mer. So I heare , madame . Pray you how was it ? Tay. Troth , it but appeares Ill o' your Kinsmans part . You may have heard , That Manly is a sutor to me , I doubt not : Mer. I guess'd it , madame . Tay. And it seemes he trusted Your Cousin to let fall some faire reports Of him unto me . Mer. Which he did ! Tay. So farre From it , as he came in and tooke him rayling Against him . Mer. How ! And what said Manly to him ? Tay. Enough , I doe assure you : and with that scorne Of him , and the injury , as I doe wonder How Everill bore it ! But that guilt undoe's Many mens valors . Mer. Here comes Manly . Man . madame , I 'll take my leave � Tay. You sha'not goe , i'faith . I 'll ha' you stay and see this Spanish miracle , Of our English Lady . Man. Let me pray your Ladiship , Lay your commands on me some other time . Tay. Now , I protest : and I will have all piec'd , And friends againe . Man. It will be but ill soldered ! Tay. You are too much affected with it . Man. I cannot Madame , but thinke on 't for th' injustice . Tay. Sir , His Kinsman here is sorry . Not I Madame , I am no kin to him , we but call Cousins , And if we were , I have no relation Vnto his crimes . Man. You are not urged with 'hem . I can accuse Sir , none but mine owne judgement , For though it were his crime so to betray me : I am sure 't was more mine owne , at all to trust him . But he therein did use but his old manners , And favor strongly what he was before . Tay. Come , he will change ! Man. Faith , I must never thinke it . Nor were it reason in me to expect That for my sake , he should put off a nature He suck'd in with his milke . It may be Madame , Deceiving trust is all he has to trust to : If so , I shall be loath that any hope Of mine should bate him of his meanes . Tay. Yo' are sharpe Sir . This act may make him honest ! Man. If he were To be made honest , by an act of Parliament , I should not alter , i' my faith of him . Tay. Either-side ! Welcome , deare Either-side ! how hast thou done , good wench ? Thou hast beene a stranger ! I ha'not seene thee , this weeke .
Act. IIII. Scene . II. Either-side . To them EVer your servant , madame . Tay. Where hast'hou beene ? I did so long to see thee . Eit. Visiting , and so tir'd ! I protest , madame , 't is a monstrous trouble ! Tay. And so it is . I sweare I must to morrow , Begin my visits ( would they were over ) at Court . It tortures me , to thinke on 'hem . Eit. I doe heare You ha' cause , madame , your sute goes on . Tay. Who told thee ? Eit. One , that can tell : Mr. Either-side . Tay. O , thy husband ! Yes faith , their 's life in 't , now : It is referr'd . If we once see it under the seales , wench , then , Have with 'hem for the great Carroch , sixe horses , And the two Coach-men , with my Ambler , bare , And my three women : we will live , i'faith , The examples o' the towne , and governe it . I 'll leade the fashion still . Eit. You doe that , now , Sweet madame . Tay. O , but then , I 'll every day Bring up some new device . Thou and I , Either-side , Will first be in it , I will give it thee ; And they shall follow us . Thou shalt , I sweare , Weare every moneth a new gowne , out of it . Eit. Thanke you good madame . Tay. Pray thee call mee Taile-bush As I thee , Either-side ; I not love this , madame . Eit. Then I protest to you Taile bush , I am glad Your Businesse so succeeds . Tay. Thanke thee , good Either-side . Eit. But Mr. Either-side tells me , that he likes Your other Businesse better . Tay. Which ? Eit. O , the Toothpicks . Tay. I never heard on 't . Eit. Aske Mr. Mere-craft . Mer. Madame ? H 'is one , in a word , I 'll trust his malice , With any mans credit , I would have abus'd ! Man. Sir , if you thinke you doe please me , in this , You are deceiv'd ! Mer. No , but because my Lady , Nam'd him my kinsman , I would satisfie you , What I thinke of him : and pray you , upon it To judge mee ! Man. So I doe : that ill mens friendship , Is as unfaithfull , as themselves . Tay. Doe you heare ? Ha' you a Businesse about Tooth-picks ? Mer. Yes , madame . Did I ne'r tel lt you ? I ment to have offer'd it Your Lady-ship , on the perfecting the pattent . Tay. How is 't ! Mer. For serving the whole state with Tooth picks ; ( Somewhat in intricate Businesse to discourse ) but � I shew , how much the Subject is abus'd , First in that one commodity ? then what diseases , And putrefactions in the gummes are bred , By those are made ' of ' adultrate , and false wood ? My plot , for reformation of these , followes . To have all Tooth-picks , brought unto an office , There seal'd ; and such as counterfait 'hem , mulcted . And last , for venting 'hem to have a booke Printed , to teach their use , which every childe Shall have throughout the kingdome , that can read , And learne to picke his teeth by . Which beginning Early to practice , with some other rules , Of never sleeping with the mouth open , chawing Some graines of mastick , will preserve the breath Pure , and so free from taint � ha' what is 't ? sai'st thou ? Tay. Good faith , it sounds a very prety Bus'nesse ! Eit. So Mr. Either-side saies , madame . Mer. The Lady is come . Tay. Is she ? Good , waite upon her in . My Ambler Was never so ill absent . Either-side , How doe I looke to day ? Am I not drest , Spruntly ? Fit. Yes , verily , madame . Tay. Pox o' madame , Will you not leave that ? Eit. Yes good Tail-bush . Tay. So ? Sounds not that better ? What vile Fucus is this , Thou hast got on ? Eit. 'T is Pearle . Tay. Pearle ? oister-shells : As I breath , Either-side , I know 't . Here comes ( They say ) a wonder , sirrah , has beene in Spaine ! Wil teach us all ! shee 's sent to me , from Court . To gratulate with me ! Pr'y thee , let 's observe her , What faults she has , that wee may laugh at 'hem , When she is gone . Eit. That we will heartily , Tail bush . Tay. O , me ! the very Infanta of the Giants !
Act. IV. Scene . III . Mere-craft . Wittipol . to them MER. Here is a noble Lady , madame , come , From your great friends , at Court , to see your Ladi-ship : And have the honour of your acquaintance . Tay. Sir . She do's us honour . Wit. Pray you , say to her Ladiship , It is the manner of Spaine , to imbrace onely , Never to kisse . She will excuse the custome ! Tay. Your use of it is law . Please you , sweete madame , To take a seate . Wit. Yes , madame , I'have had The favour , through a world of faire report To know your vertues , madame , ; and in that Name have deserv'd the happinesse of presenting My service to your Ladiship ! Tay. Your love , madame , I must not owne it else . Wit. Both are due madame , To your great undertakings . Tay. Great ? In troth , madame , They are my friends , that thinke 'hem any thing : If I can doe my sexe ( by 'hem ) any service , I'have my ends , madame . Wit. And they are noble ones , That make a multitude beholden , madame : The common-wealth of Ladies , must acknowledge from you . Eit. Except some envious , madame . Wit. Yo' are right in that , madame , Of which race , I encountred some but lately . Who ( 't seemes ) have studied reasons to discredit Your businesse . Tay. How sweet madames ? Wit. Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause � Most ruinous things , madame , That have put off all hope of being recover'd To a degree of handsomenesse . Tay. But their reasons , madame ? I would faine heare . Wit. Some madame , I remember . They say , that painting quite destroyes the face � Eit. O , that 's an old one , madame . Wit. There are new ones , too . Corrupts the breath ; hath left so little sweetnesse In kissing , as 't is now us'd , but for fashion : And shortly will be taken for a punishment . Decaies the fore-teeth , that should guard the tongue ; And suffers that runne riot everlasting ! And ( which is worse ) some Ladies when they meete Cannot be merry , and laugh , but they doo spit In one anothers faces ! Man. I should know This voice , and face too : Wit. Then they say , 't is dangerous To all the falne , yet well dispos'd Mad-dames , That are industrious , and desire to earne Their living with their sweate ! For any distemper Of heate , and motion , may displace the colours ; And if the paint once runne about their faces , Twenty to one , they will appeare so ill-favour'd , Their servants run away , too , and leave the pleasure Imperfect , and the reckoning als' unpaid . Eit. Pox , these are Poets reasons . Tay. Some old Lady That keeps a Poet , has devis'd these scandals . Eit. Faith we must have the Poets banish'd , madame , As Master Either-side saies . Mer. Master Fitz-dottrell ? And his wife : where ? madame , the Duke of Droun'd-land , That will be shortly . Wit. Is this my Lord ? Mer. The same .
Act. IV. Scene . IV. Fitz-dottrell . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Pug. to them . YOur servant , madame ! Wit. How now ? Friend ? offended , That I have found your haunt here ? Man. No but wondring At your strange fashion'd venture , hither . Wit. It is To shew you what they are , you so pursue . Man. I thinke 't will prove a med'cine against marriage ; To know their manners . Wit. Stay , and profit then . Mer. The Lady , madame , whose Prince has brought her here , To be instructed . Wit. Please you sit with us Lady . Mer. That 's Lady-President . Fit. A goodly woman ! I cannot see the ring , though . Mer. Sir , she has it . Tay. But madame , these are very feeble reasons ! Wit. So I urg'd madame , that the new complexion , Now to come forth , in name o' your Ladishipes fucus , Had no ingredient � Tay. But I durst eate , I assure you . Wit. So doe they in Spaine . Tay. Sweet madame be so liberall , To give us some o' your Spanish Fucuses ! Wit. They are infinite madame . Tay. So I heare they have Water of Gourdes , of Radish , the white Beanes , Flowers of Glasse , of Thistles , Rose-marine . Raw Honey , Mustard-seed , and bread dough-bak'd , The crums o'bread , Goates milke , and whites of Egges , Campheere and Lilly-rootes , the fat of Swannes , Marrow of Veale , white Pidgeons , and pine-kernells , The seed of Nettles , perse'line , and hares gall . Limons , thine skind � Eit. How , her Ladiship has studied All excellent things ! Wit. But ordinary madame , No , the true rarities are th'Alvagada , And Argentata of Queene Isabella ! Tay. I , what are their ingredients , gentle madame ? Wit. Your Allum Scagliola , or Polidipedra ; And Zuccarino ; Turpentine of Abezzo , Wash'd in nine waters : Soda di gotta ; Grosia di serpe ; Porcelleto marino ; Oyles of Lentisco ; Zucchi Mugia ; make The admirable Vernish for the face , Gives the right luster ; but two drops rub'd on With a piece of scarlet , makes a Lady of sixty Looke at sixteene . But above all , the water Of the white Hen , of the Lady Estifanias ! Tay. O I , that same good madame , I have heard of : How is it done ? Wit. madame , you take your Hen , Plume it , and skin it , cleanse it o' the inwards : Then chop it , bones and all : adde to foure ounces Of Carrnuacins , Pipitas , Sope of Cyprus , Make the decoction , straine it . Then distill it , And keepe it in your galley-pot well glidder'd : Three droppes preserves from wrinkles , warts , spots , moles , blemish , or Sun-burnings , and keepes the skin In decimo sexto , ever bright , and smooth , As any looking-glasse ; and indeed is call'd The Virgins milke for the face , Oglioreale ; A Ceruse , neither cold or heat will hurt ; And mixt with oyle of myrrhe , and the red Gilli-flower Call'd Cataputia ; and flowers of Rovistico ; Makes the best muta , or die of the whole world . Tay. Deare madame , will you let us be familiar ? Wit. Your Ladiships servant . Mer. How doe you like her . Fit. Admirable ! But , yet , I cannot see the ring . Pug. Sir . Mer. I must Deliver it , or marre all . This foole 's so jealous . Madame � Sir , weare this ring , and pray you take knowledge , 'T was sent you by his wife . And give her thanks , Doe not you dwindle , Sir , beare up . Pug. I thanke you , Sir . Tay. But for the manner of Spaine ! Sweet , madame , let us Be bold , now we are in : Are all Ladies , There , i' the fashion ? Wit. None but Grandee's , madame . O' the clasp'd traine , which may be worne at length , too , Or thus , upon my arme . Tay. And doe they weare Cioppino's all ? Wit. If they be drest in punto , madame . Eit. Guilt as those are ? madame ? Wit. Of Goldsmiths work , madame ; And set with diamants : and their Spanish pumps Of perfum'd leather . Tay. I should thinke it hard To goe in 'hem , madame . Wit. At the first , it is , madame . Tai. Do you never fall in 'hem ? Wit. Never . Eit. I sweare , I should Six times an houre . Wit. But you have men at hand , still , To helpe you , if you fall ? Eit. Onely one , madame , The Guardo duennas , such alittle old man , As this . Eit. Alas ! he can doe nothing ! this ! Wit. I 'll tell you , madame , I saw i' the Court of Spaine once , A Lady fall i' the Kings sight , along . And there she lay , flat spred , as an Vmbrella , Her hoope here crack'd ; no man durst reach a hand To helpe her , till the Guarda duenn as came , Who is the person one l'allowed to touch A Lady there : and he but by this finger . Eit. Ha'they no servants , madame , there ? nor friends ? Wit. An Escudero , or so madame , that waits Vpon 'hem in another Coach , at distance , And when they walke , or dance , holds by a hand-kercher , Never presumes to touch 'hem . Eit. This 's scurvy ! And a forc'd gravity ! I doe not like it . I like our owne much better . Tay. 'T is more French , And Courtly ours . Eit. And tasts more liberty . We may have our doozen of visiters , at once , Make love t' us . Tay. And before our husbands ? Eit. Husband ? As I am honest , Tayle-bush I doe thinke If no body should love me , but my poore husband , I should e'n hang my selfe . Tay. Fortune forbid , wench : So faire a necke should have so foule a neck-lace , Eit. 'T is true , as I am handsome ! Wit. I receiv'd , Lady , A token from you , which I would not be Rude to refuse , being your first remembrance . ( Fit. O , I am satisfied now ! Mer. Do you see it , Sir . ) Wit. But since you come , to know me , neerer , Lady , I 'll begge the honour , you will weare it for me , It must be so . Mist. Fit. Surely I have heard this tongue . Mer. What doe you meane Sir ? Wit. Would you ha' me mercenary ? We 'll recompence it anon , in somwhat else . Fit. I doe not love to be gull'd , though in a toy . Wife , doe you heare ? yo' are come in the schoole , wife , Where you may learne , I doe perceive it , any thing ! How to be fine , or faire , or great , or proud , Or what you will , indeed , wife ; here 't is taught . And I am glad on 't , that you may not say , Another day , when honours come upon you , You wanted meanes . I ha' done my parts : beene , To day at fifty pound charge , first , for a ring , To get you entred . Then let my new Play , To wait upon you , here , to see 't confirm'd . That I may say , both to mine owne eyes , and eares , Senses , you are my witnesse , sha' hath injoy'd All helpes that could be had for love or money � Mrs. Fit. To make a foole of her . Fit. Wife , that 's your malice , The wickednesse o' your nature to interpret Your husbands kindnesse thus . But I 'll not leave ; Still to doe good for your deprav'd affections : Intend it . Bend this stubborne will ; be great . Tay. Good Madame , whom do they use in messages ? Wit. They commonly use their slaves Madam . Tai. And do's your Ladiship . Thinke that so good , Madame ? Wit. No indeed Madame ; I , Therein preferre the fashion of England farre , Of your young delicate Page , or discreet Vsher . Fit. And I goe with your Ladiship in opinion , Directly for your Gentleman-usher , There 's not a finer Officer goes on ground . Wit. If he be made and broken to his place once . Fit. Nay so I presuppose him . Wit. And they are fitter Managers too Sir , but I would have 'hem call'd Our Escudero's . Fit. Good . Wit. Say I should send To your Ladiship , who ( I presume ) has gather'd All the deare secrets to know how to make Pastillos of the Dutchesse of Braganza , Coquettas , Almoiavana's , Mantecada's , Alcoreas , Mustaccioli ; or say it were The Peladore of Isabella , or balls Against the itch , or aqua nanfa , or oyle Of Iessamine for gloves , of the Marquesse Muja ; Or for the head and haire : why , these are offices . Fit. Fit for a gentleman , not a slave . They onely Might aske for your pivety , Spanish-cole , To burne and sweeten a roome : but the Arcana Of Ladies Cabinets � Fit. Should be else-where trusted . Yo' are much about the truth . Sweet honoured Ladies , Let me fall in wi' you . I ha' my female wit , As well as my male . And I doe know what sutes A Lady of spirit , or a woman of fashion ! Wit. And you would have your wife such . Fit. Yes , madame , aërie , Light ; not to plaine dishonesty , I meane : But , somewhat o'th is side . Wit. I take you , Sir . H' has reason Ladies . I 'll not give this rush For any Lady , that cannot be honest Within a thred . Tay. Yes , madame , and yet venter As far for th' other , in her Fame � Wit. As can be ; Coach it to Pimlico ; dance the Saraband , Heare , and talke baudy ; laugh as loud , as a larum ; Squeake , spring , do any thing . Eit. In young company , madame . Tay. Or afore gallants . If they be brave , or Lords , A woman is ingag'd . Eit. I say so , Ladies , It is civility to deny us nothing . Pug. You talke of a Vniversity ! why , Hell is A Grammer-schoole to this ! Eit. But then , Shee must not lose a looke on stuffes , or cloth , madame . Tay. Nor no course fellow . Wit. She must be guided , madame By the clothes he weares , and company he is in ; Whom to salute , how farre � Fit. I ha' told her this . And how that baudery too , upo'the point , Is ( in it selfe ) as civell a discourse � Wit. As any other affaire of flesh , what ever . Fit. But shee will ne'r be capable , she is not So much as comming , madame ; I know not how Shee loses all her opportunities With hoping to be forc'd . I'have entertain'd A gentleman , a younger brother , here , Whom I would faine breed up , her Escudero , Against some expectation's that I have , And she 'll not countenance him . Wit. What 's his name ? Fit. Divell , o'Darby-shire . Eit. Blesse us from him ! Tay. Divell ? Call him De-vile , sweet madame . Mis Fit. What you please , Ladies . Tay. De-vile 's a prettier name ! Eit. And sounds , me thinks , As it came in with the Conquerour � Man. Over smocks ! What things they are ? That nature should be at leasure Ever to make 'hem ! my woing is at an end . Wit. What can he do ? Eit. Le ts heare him . Tay. Can he manage ? Fit. Please you to try him , Ladies . Stand forth , Divell . Pug. Was all this but the preface to my torment ? Fit. Come , let their Ladiship see your honours . Eit. O , He makes a wicked leg . Tay. As ever I saw ! Wit. Fit for a Divell . Tay. Good madame , call him De-vile . Wit. De-vile , what property is there most required I' your conceit , now , in the Escudero ? Fit. Why do you not speake ? Pug. A setled discreet pause , madame . Wit. I thinke , a barren head , Sir , Mountaine-like , To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers � Fit. I , for his Valley is beneath the waste , madame , And to be fruitfull there , it is sufficient . Dulnesse upon you ! Could not you hit this ? Pug. Good Sir � Wit. He then had had no barren head . You daw him too much , in troth , Sir . Fit. I must walke With the French sticke , like an old vierger , for you . Pug. O , Chiefe , call me to Hell againe , and free me . Fit. Do you murmur now ? Pug. Not I , Sir . Wit. What do you take Mr. Divele , the height of your imployment , In the true perfect Escudero ? Fit. When ? What doe you answer ? Pug. To be able , madame , First to enquire , then report the working , Of any Ladies physicke , in sweete phrase , Wit. Yes , that 's an act of elegance , and importance . But what above ? Fit. O , that I had a goad for him . Pug. To finde out a good Corne-cutter . Tay. Out on him ! Eit. Most barbarous ! Fit. Why did you doe this , now ? Of purpose to discredite me ? you damn'd Divell . Pug. Sure , if I be not yet , I shall be . All My daies in Hell , were holy-daies to this ! Tay. 'T is labour lost , madame ? Eit. H 'is a dull fellow Of no capacity ! Tay. Of no discourse ! O , if my Ambler had beene here ! Eit. I , madame ; You talke of a man , where is there such another ? Wit. Mr. Devile , put case , one of my Ladies , heere , Had a fine brach : and would imploy you forth To treate 'bout a convenient match for her . What would you observe ? Pug. The color , and the size , madame . Wit. And nothing else ? Fit. The Moon , you calfe , the Moone ! Wit. I , and the Signe . Tay. Yes , and receits for pronenesse . Wit. Then when the Puppies came , what would you doe ? Pug. Get their nativities cast ! Wit. This 's well . What more ? Pug. Consult the Almanack-man which would be least ? Which cleaneliest ? Wit. And which silentest ? This 's well , madame ? Wit. And while she were with puppy ? Pug. Walke her out , And aire her every morning ! Wit. Very good ! And be industrious to kill her fleas ? Pug. Yes ! Wit. He will make a pretty proficient . Pug. Who , Comming from Hell , could look for such Catechising ? The Divell is an Asse . I doe acknowledge it . Fit. The top of woman ! All her sex in abstract ! I love her , to each syllable , falls from her . Tay. Good madame give me leave to goe aside with him ! And try him a little ! Wit. Do , and I 'll with-draw , madame , With this faire Lady : read to her the while . Tay. Come , Sir . Pug. Deare Chiefe , relieve me , or I perish . Wit. Lady , we 'll follow . You are not jealous Sir ? Fit. O , madame ! you shall see . Stay wife , behold , I give her up heere , absolvtely , to you , She is your owne . Doe with her what yo will ! Melt , cast , and forme her as you shall thinke good ! Set any stamp on ! I 'll receive her from you As a new thing , by your owne standard ! Wit. Well , Sir !
Act. IV. Scene . III . Mere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Pit-fall Ever-ill . Plutarchus . BUt what ha' you done i' your Dependance , since ? Fit. O , it goes on , I met your Cousin , the Master � Mer. You did not acquaint him , Sir ? Fit. Faith , but I did , Sir . And upon better thought , not without reason ! He being chiefe Officer , might ha' taine it ill , else , As a Contempt against his Place , and that In time Sir , ha' drawne on another Dependance . No , I did finde him in good termes , and ready To doe me any service . Mer. So he said to you ? But Sir , you doe not know him . Fit. Why , I presum'd Because this bus'nesse of my wives , requir'd me , I could not ha' done better : And he told Me , that he would goe presently to your Councell , A Knight , here , i' the Lane � Mer. Yes , Iustice Either-side . Fit. And get the Feoffment drawne , with a letter of Atturney . For livery and seisen ! Mer. That I knowe's the course . But , Sir , you meane not to make him Feoffee ? Fit. Nay , that I 'll pause on ! Mer. How now little Pit-fall ? Pit. Your Cousin Mr. Ever-ill , would come in � But he would know if Master Manly were here . Mer. No , tell him , if he were , I ha' made his peace ! Hee 's one , Sir , has no state , and a man knowes not , How such a trust may tempt him . Fit: I conceive you . Eve. Sir , this same deed is done here . Mer. Pretty Plutarchus ? Art thou come with it ? and has Sir Paul view'd it ? Plu. His hand is to the draught . Mer. Will you step in , Sir , And reade it ? Fit. Yes . Eve. I pray you a word wi' you , Sir Paul Either-side will'd me give you caution Whom you did make Feoffee : for 't is the trust O' your whole State : and though my Cousin heere Be a worthy Gentleman , yet his valour has At the tall board bin question'd ; and we hold Any man so impeach'd of doubtfull honesty ! I will not justifie this ; but give it you To make your profit of it : if you utter it , I can forswere it ! Fit. I beleeve you , and thanke you , Sir .
Act. IV. Scene . VI. Wittipol . Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Manly . Mere-craft . BE not afraid , sweet Lady : yo' are trusted To love , not violence here ; I am no ravisher , But one , whome you , by your faire trust againe , May of a servant make a most true friend . Mis. Fit. And such a one I need , but not this way : Sir , I confesse me to you , the meere manner Of your attempting me , this morning tooke mee , And I did hold m' invention , and my manners , Were both engag'd , to give it a requitall ; But not unto your ends : my hope was then , ( Though interrupted , ere it could be utter'd ) That whom I found the Master of such language , That braine and spirit , for such an enterprise , Could not but if those succours were demanded To a right use , employ them vertuously ! And make that profit of his noble parts , Which they would yeeld . Sir , you have now the ground , To exercise them in : I am a woman , That cannot speake more wretchednesse of my selfe , Then you can read ; march'd to a masse of folly ; That every day makes haste to his owne ruine ; The wealthy portion , that I brought him , spent ; And ( through my friends neglect ) no joynture made me . My fortunes standing in this precipice , 'T is Counsell that I want , and honest aides : And in this name , I need you , for a friend ! Never in any other ; for his ill , Must not make me , Sir , worse . Man. O friend ! forsake not The brave occasion , vertue offers you , To keepe you innocent : I have fear'd for both ; And watch'd you to prevent the ill I fear'd . But since the weaker side hath so assur'd me , Let not the stronger fall by his owne vice , Or be the lesse a friend , cause vertue needs him . Wit. Vertue shall never aske my succours twice ; Most friend , most man ; your Counsells are commands : Lady , I can love goodnesse in you , more Then I did Beauty ; and doe here intitle Your vertue to the power , upon a life You shall engage in any faithfull service , Even to forfeit . Mer. Madame : Do you heare , Sir , We have another leg-strain'd , for this Dottrel . He'ha's a quarrell to carry , and ha's caus'd A deed of Feoffment , of his whole estate To be drawne yonder ; ha'st within : And you , Only , he meanes to make Feoffee . H 'is falne So desperatly enamour'd on you , and talkes Most like a mad-man : you did never heare A Phrentick , so in love with his owne favour ! Now , you doe know , 't is of no validity In your name , as you stand ; Therefore advise him To put in me . ( h 'is come here : ) You shall share Sir .
Act. IV. Scene . VII. Wittipoll . Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Manly . Meere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Ever-ill . Plutarchus . FIT. Madame , I have a sute to you ; and a fore-hand , I doe bespeake you ; you must not deny me , I will be graunted . Wit. Sir , I must know it , though . Fit. No Lady ; you must not know it : yet , you must too . For the trust of it , and the fame indeed , Which else were lost me . I would use your name , But in a Feoffment : make my whole estate Over unto you : a trifle a thing of nothing , Some eighteene hundred . Wit. Alas ! I understand not Those things Sir . I am a woman , and most loath , To embarque my selfe � Fit. You will not slight me , madame ? Wit. Nor you 'll not quarrell me ? Fit. No , sweet madame , I have Already a dependance ; for which cause I doe this : let me put you in , deare madame , I may be fairely kill'd . Wit. You have your friends , Sir , About you here , for choice . Eve. She tells you right , Sir . Fit. Death , if she doe , what doe I care for that ? Say , I would have her tell me wrong . Wit. Why , Sir , If for the trust , you 'll let me have the honor To name you one . Fit. Nay , you doe me honor , madame : Who is 't ? Wit. This Gentleman . Fit. O , no , sweet madame , H 'is friend to him , with whom I ha' the dependance . Wit. O , might he be ? Fit. One Wittipol : do you know him ? Wit. Alas Sir , he , a toy : This Gentleman A friend to him , no more then I am Sir ! Fit. But will your Ladiship undertake that , madame ? Wit. Yes , and what else , for him , you will engage me . Fit. What is his name ? Wit. His name is Eustace Manly . Fit. Whence do's he write himselfe ? Wit. Of Middle-sex , Esquire . Fit. Say nothing , madame . Clerke , come hether , Write Eustace Manly , Squire o' Middle-sex . Mer. What ha' you done , Sir ? Wit. Nam'd a gentleman , That I 'll be answerable for , to you , Sir . Had I nam'd you , it might ha' beene suspected : This way , 't is safe . Fit. Come Gentlemen , your hands , For witnes . Man. What is this ? Eve. You ha' made Election Of a most worthy Gentleman ! Man. Would one of worth Had spoke it : whence it comes , it is Rather a shame to me , then a praise . Eve. Sir , I will give you any Satisfaction . Man. Be silent then : " falshood commends not truth . Plu. You do deliver this , Sir , as your deed , To th' use of Mr. Manly ? Fit. Yes : and Sir � When did you see yong Wittipol ? I am ready , For processe now ; Sir , this is Publication . He shall heare from me , he would needs be courting My Wife , Sir . Man. Yes : So witnesseth his Cloake there . Fit. Nay good Sir , � Madame , you did undertake � What. What ? Fit. That he was not Wittipols friend . Wit. I heare Sir , no confession of it . Fit. O she knows not ; Now I remember , madame ! This young Wittipol , Would ha' debauch'd my wife , and made me Cuckold , Through a casement ; he did fly her home To mine owne window : but I thinke I sou't him , And ravish'd her away , out of his pownces . I ha' sworne to ha' him by the eares : I fear The toy , wi' not do me right . Wit. No ? that were pitty ! What right doe you aske , Sir ? Here he is will do 't you ? Fit. Ha ? Wittipol ? Wit. I Sir , no more Lady now , Nor Spaniard ! Man. No indeed , 't is Wittipol . Fit. Am I the thing I feard'd ? Wit. A Cuckold ? No Sir , But you were late in possibility , I 'll tell you so much . Man. But your wife 's too vertuous ! Wit. Wee 'll see her Sir , at home , and leave you here , To be made Duke o'Shore-ditch with a project . Fit. Theeves , ravishers . Wit. Crie but another note , Sir , I 'll marre the tune , o' your pipe ! Fit. Gi' me my deed , then . Wit. Neither : that shall be kept for your wives goood , Who will know , better how to use it . Fit. Ha' To feast with my land ? Wit. Sir , be you quiet , Or I shall gag you , ere I goe , consult You Master of dependances ; how to make this A second businesse , you have time Sir . Fit. Oh! What will the ghost of my wise Grandfather , My learned Father , with my worshipfull Mother Thinke of me now , that left me in this world In state to be their Heire ? that am become A Cuckold , and an Asse , and my wives Ward ; Likely to lose my land ; ha' my throat cut : All , by her practice ! Mer. Sir , we are all abus'd ! Fit. And be so still ! Who hinders you , I pray you , Let me alone , I would injoy my selfe , And be the Duke o' Dround'd-Land , you ha' made me . Mer. Sir , we must play an after-game o' this Fit. But I am not in case to be a Gam-ster : I tell you once againe � Mer. You must be rul'd And take some counsell . Fit. Sir , I doe hate counsell , As I doe hate my wife , my wicked wife ! Mer. But we may thinke how to recover all : If you will act . Fit. I will not think ; nor act ; Nor yet recover ; do not talke to me ? I 'll runne out o' my witts , rather then heare ; I will be what I am , Fabian Fitz dottrel , Though all the world say nay to 't . Mer. Let 's follow him .
Act. V. Scene . I. Ambler . Pitfall , Mere-craft , BUt ha's my Lady mist me ? Pit. Beyond telling ! Here has been that infinity of strangers ! And then she would ha 'had you , to ha' sampled you With , one within , that they are now a teaching ; And do's pretend to your ranck . Amb. Good fellow Pit-fall Tel Mr. Meer-craft , I intreat a word with him . This most unlucky accident will goe neare To be the losse o' my place ; I am in doubt ! Mer. With me ? what say you Mr. Ambler ? Amb. Sir , I would beseech your worship stand betwene Me , and my Ladies displeasure , for my absence . Mer. O , is this all ? I warrant you . Amb. I would tell you Sir But how it happnened . Mer. Briefe , good Mr. Ambler , Put your selfe to your rack : for I have a tasque Of more importance . Amb. Sir you 'll laugh at me ! But ( so is Truth ) a verie friend of mine , Finding by conference with me , that I liv'd Too chast for my complexion ( and indeed Too honest for my place , Sir ) did advise me If I did love my selfe ( as that I do , I must confesse ) Mer. Spare your Parenthesis , Amb. To gi' my body a little evacuation � Mer. Well , and you went to a whore ? Amb. No , Sir . I durst not ( For feare it might arive at some body's eare , It should not ) trust my selfe to a common house ; But got the Gentlewoman to goe with me , And carry her bedding to a Conduit-head , Hard by the place toward Tiburne , which they call My L. Majors Banqueting-house . Now , Sir , This morning Was Execution ; and I ne'e dream't on 't , Till I heard the noise o' the people , and the horses ; And neither I , nor the poore Gentlewoman Durst stirre , till all was done and past : so that I' the Interim , we fell a sleepe againe . Mer. Nay , if you fall , from your gallop , I am gone Sir . Amb. But when I wak'd , to put on my cloathes , a sute , I made new for the action , it was gone , And all my mony , with my purse , and seales , My hard-wax , and my table-books , my studies , And a fine new devise , I had to carry My pen , and inke , my civet , and my tooth-picks , All under one . But , that which greiv'd me , was The Gentlewomans shoes ( with a paire of roses , And garters , I had given her for the businesse ) So as that made us stay , till it was darke . For I was faine to lend her mine , and walke In a rug , by her , bare foot , to Saint Giles'es . Mer. A kind of Irish penance ! Is this all , Sir ? Amb. To satisfie my Lady . Mer. I will promise you , Sir . Amb. I ha' told the true Disaster . Mer. I cannot stay wi' you Sir , to condole ; but gratulate your returne . Amb. An honest gentleman , but he 's never at leisure To be himselfe : He ha's such tides of businesse .
Act. V. Scene . II. Pug. Ambler . O , Call me home againe , deare Chiefe , and put me To yoaking foxes , milking of Hee-goates , Pounding of water in a morter , laving The sea dry with a nut-shell , gathering all The leaves are falne this Autumne , drawing farts Out of dead bodies , making ropes of sand , Catching the windes together in a net , Mustring of ants , and numbring atomes ; all That hell , and you thought exquisite torments , rather Then stay me here , a thought more : I would sooner Keepe fleas within a circle , and be accomptant A thousand yeere , which of 'hem and how far Out leap'd the other , then endure a minute Such as I have within . There is no hell To a Lady of fashion . All your tortures there Are pastimes to it . 'T would be a refreshing For me , to be i' the fire againe , from hence . Amb. This is my suite , and those the shoes and roses ! Pug. Th'have such impertinent vexations , A generall Councell o' divels could not hit � Ha! This is he I tooke a sleepe with his Wench , And borrowed his cloathes . What might I doe to balke him ? Amb. Do you heare , Sir ? Pug. Answer but not to th' purpose . Amb. What is your name , I pray you Sir . Pug. Is 't so late Sir ? Amb. I aske not o' the time , but of your name , Sir . Pug. I thanke you , Sir . Yes it dos hold Sir , certaine . Amb. Hold , Sir ? What holds ? I must both hold , and talke to you About these clothes . Pug. A very pritty lace ! But the Taylor cossend me . Amb. No , I am cossend By you ! robb'd . Pug. Why , when you please Sir , I am For three peny Gleeke , your man . Amb. Pox o' your gleeke , And three pence . Give me an answere . Pug. Sir , My master is the best at it . Amb. Your master ! Who is your Master . Pug. Let it be friday night . Amb. What should be then ? Pug. Your best songs Tom o' Bet'lem Amb. I thinke , you are he . Do's he mocke me trow , from purpose ? Or doe not I speake to him , what I meane ? Good Sir your name . Pug. Only a couple a'Cocks Sir , If we can get a Widgin , 't is in season . Amb. He hopes to make one o'these Scipticks o' me ( I thinke I name 'him right ) and do's not flie me . I wonder at that ! 't is a strange confidence ! I 'll proove another way , to draw his answer .
Act. V. Scene . III . Mere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . Everill . Pug. IT is the easiest thing Sir , to be done . As plaine , as fizzling : roule but wi'your eies , And foame at th' mouth . A little castle-soape Will do 't , to rub your lips : And then a nutshell , With toe , and touch-wood in it to spit fire , Did you ner'e read , Sir , little Darrels tricks , With the boy o' Burton , and the 7 in Lancashire , Summers at Nottingham ? All these do teach it . And wee 'll give out , Sir , that your wife ha's bewitch'd you : Eve. And practised with those two , as Sorcerers . Mer. And ga' you potions , by which means you were Not Compos mentis , when you made your feoffment . There 's no recovery o' your estate , but this : This , Sir , will sting . Eve. And move in a court of equity . Mer. For it is more then manifest , that this was A plot o' your wives , to get your land . Fit. I thinke it . Eve. Sir it appeares . Mer. Nay and my cossen has knowne These gallants in these shapes . Eve. T' have done strange things , Sir . One as the Lady , the other as the Squire . Mer. How , a mans honesty may be fool'd ! I thought him A very Lady . Fit. So do I : renounce me else . Mer. But this way , Sir you 'll be reveng'd at height . Eve. Upon 'hem all . Mer. Yes faith , and since your Wife Has runne the way of woman thus , e'en give her � Fit. Lost by this hand , to me ; dead to all ioyes Of her deare Dottrell , I shall never pitty her : That could , pitty her selfe . Mer. Princly resolv'd Sir , And like your selfe still , in Potentiâ .
Act. V. Scene . IV. Mere-craft , &c. to them . Gvilt-head . Sledge . Plutarchus . Serjants . GVilt-head what newes ? Fit. O Sir , my hundred peices : Let me ha 'them yet . Gui. Yes Sir , officers Arrest him . Fit. Me ? Ser. I arrest you . Sle. Keepe the peace , I charge you gentlemen . Fit. Arrest me ? Why ? Gui. For better security , Sir . My sonne Plutarchus Assures me , y' are not worth a groat . Plu. Pardon me , Father , I said his worship had no foot of Land left : And that I 'll justifie , for I writ the deed . Fit. Ha' you these tricks i' the citty ? Gui. Yes , and more . Arrest this gallant too , here , at my sute . Sle. I , and at mine . He owes me for his lodging Two yeere and a quarter . Mer. Why M. Guilt-head , Land-Lord , Thou art not mad , though th' art Constable Puft up with the pride of the place ? Doe you heare , Sirs . Have I deserv'd this from you two ? for all My paines at Court , to get you each a patent . Gui. For what ? Mer. Upo' my project o' the forkes . Sle. Forkes ? what be they ? Mer. The laudable use of forkes , Brought into custome here , as they are in Italy , To th' sparing o'Napkins . That , that should have made Your bellowes goe at the forge , as his at the furnace . I ha' procured it , ha' the Signet for it , Dealt with the Linnen-drapers , on my private , By cause , I fear'd , they were the likeliest ever To stirre against , to crosse it : for 't will be A mighty saver of Linnen through the Kingdome ( As that is one o' my grounds , and so spare washing ) Now , on you two , had I laid all the profits . Guilt-head to have the making of all those Of gould and silver , for the better personages ; And you of those of Steele for the common sort . And both by Pattent , I had brought you your seales in . But now you have prevented me , and I thanke you . Sle. Sir , I will baile you , at my owne ap-perill . Mer. Nay choose . Plu. Do you so too , good Father . Gui. I like the fashin o' the project , well , The forkes ! It may be a lucky one ! and is not Intricate , as one would say , but fit for Plaine heads , as ours , to deale in . Do you heare . Officers , we discharge you . Mer. Why this shewes A little good nature in you , I confesse , But doe not tempt your friends thus . Little Guilt-head , Advise your fire , great Guilt-head from these courses : And , here , to trouble a great man in reversion , For a matter o'fifty on a false Alarme , Away , it shewes not well . Let him get the pieces And bring 'hem . Yo 'll heare more else . Plu. Father .
Act. V. Scene . V. Ambler . To them . O Master Sledge , are you here ? I ha' been to seeke you . You are the Constable , they say . Here 's one That I do charge with Felony , for the suite He weares , Sir . Mer. Who ? M. Fitz-dottrels man ? Ware what you do , M. Ambler . Amb. Sir , these clothes I 'll sweare , are mine : and the shooes the gentlewomans I told you of : and ha 'him afore a Iustice , I will . Pug. My master , Sir , will passe his word for me . Amb. O , can you speake to purpose now ? Fit. Not I , If you be such a one Sir , I will leave you To your God-fathers in Law . Let twelve men worke . Pug. Do you heare Sir , pray , in private . Fit. Well , what say you ? Briefe , for I have no time to loose . Pug. Truth is , Sir , I am the very Divell , and had leave To take this body , I am in , to serve you : Which was a Cutpurses , and hang'd this Morning . And it is likewise true , I stole this suite To cloth me with . But Sir let me not goe To prison for it . I have hitherto Lost time , done nothing ; showne , indeed , no part . O' my Divels nature . Now , I will so helpe Your malice , 'gainst these parties : so advance The businesse , that you have in hand of witchcraft , And your possession , as my selfe were in you . Teach you such tricks , to make your belly swell , And your eyes turne , to foame , to stare , to gnash Your teeth together , and to beat your selfe , Laugh loud , and faine six voices � Fit. Out you Rogue ! You most infernall counterfeit wretch ! Avant ! Do you thinke to gull me with your AEsops Fables ? Here take him to you , I ha' no part in him . Pug. Sir . Fit. Away , I do disclaime , I will not heare you . Mer. What said he to you , Sir ? Fit. Like a lying raskall Told me he was the Divell . Mer. How ! a good jest ! Fit. And that he would teach me , such fine divels tricks For our new resolution . Eve. O'pox on him , 'T was excellent wisely done , Sir , not to trust him . Mer. Why , if he were the Divell , we sha'not need him , If you 'll be rul'd . Goe throw your selfe on a bed , Sir , And faine you ill . Wee 'll not be seen wi' you , Till after , that you have a fit : and all Confirm'd within . Keepe you with the two Ladies And perswade them . I 'll to Iustice Either-side , And possesse him with all . Traines shall seeke out Ingine , And they to fill the towne with 't , every cable It is to be veer'd . We must imploy out all Our emissaries now ; Sir , I will send you Bladders and Bellowes . Sir , be confident , 'T is no hard thing t' outdoe the Divell in : A Boy o'thirteen yeere old made him an Asse But t'toher day . Fit. Well , I 'll beginne to practice , And scape the imputation of being Cuckold , By mine owne act . Mer. Yo' are right . Eve. Come , you ha' put Your selfe to a simple coile here , and your freinds , By dealing with new Agents , in new plots . Mer. No more o'th at , sweet cousin . Eve. What had you To doe with this same Wittipol , for a Lady ? Mer. Question not that : 't is done . Eve. You had some straine 'Bove E-la ? Mer. I had indeed . Eve. And , now , you crack for t . Mer. Do not upbraid me . Eve. Come , you must be told on 't ; You are so covetous , still , to imbrace More then you can , that you loose all . Mer. 'T is right . What would you more , then Guilty ? Now , your succours .
Act. V. Scene . VI. Shakles . Pug. Iniquity . Divell . HEre you are lodg'd , Sir , you must send your garnish , If you 'll be privat . Pug. There it is , Sir , leave me . To New-Gate , brought ? How is the name of Divell Discredited in me ! What a lost fiend Shall I be , on returne ? My Chiefe will roare In triumph , now , that I have beene on earth , A day , and done no noted thing , but brought That body back here , was hang'd out this morning . Well! would it once were midnight , that I knew My utmost . I thinke Time be drunke , and sleepes : He is so still , and moves not ! I do glory Now i' my torment . Neither can I expect it , I have it with my fact . Ini. Child of hell , be thou merry : Put a looke on , as round , boy , and red as a cherry . Cast care at thy posternes ; and firke in thy fetters , They are ornaments , Baby , have graced thy betters : Looke upon me , and hearken . Our Chiefe doth salute thee , And least the could yron should chance to confuse thee , H' hath sent thee , grant-paroll by me to stay longer A moneth here on earth , against cold Child , or honger Pug. How ? longer here a moneth ? Ini. Yes , boy , till the Session , That so thou maiest have a triumphall egression . Pug. In a cart , to be hang'd . Ini. No , Child , in a Carte , The charriot of Triumph , which most of them are . And in the meane time , to be greazy , and bouzy , And nasty , and filthy , and ragged and louzy , With dam'n me , renounce me , and all the fine phrases ; That bring , unto Tiborne , the plentifull gazes . Pug. He is a Divell ! and may be our Chiefe ! The great superior Divell ! for his malice : Arch-divel ! I acknowledge him . He knew What I would suffer , when he tie'd me up thus In a rogues body : and he has ( I thanke him ) His tirannous pleasure on me , to confine me To the unlucky carcasse of a Cutpurse Wherin I could do nothing . Div. Impudent fiend , Stop thy lewd mouth . Doest thou not shame and tremble To lay thine owne dull damn'd defects upon An innocent case , there ? Why thou heavy slave ! The spirit , that did possesse that flesh before Put more true life , in a finger , and a thumbe . Then thou in the whole Masse . Yet thou rebell'st And murmurst ? What one proffer hast thou made , Wicked inough , this day , that might be call'd Worthy thine owne , much lesse the name that sent thee ? First , thou did'st helpe thy selfe into a beating Promptly , and with 't endangerdd'st too thy tongue : A Divell , and could not keepe a body intire One day ! That , for our credit . And to vindicate it , Hinderd'st ( for ought thou know'st ) a deed of darknesse : Which was an act of that egregious folly , As no one , to'ard the Divell , could ha' thought on . This for your acting ! but for suffering ! why Thou hast beene cheated on , with a false beard , And a turn'd cloake . Faith would your predecessour The Cutpurse , thinke you , ha' been so ? Out upon thee , The hurt th' hast don , to let men know their strength , And that they are able to out-doe a divel Put in a body , will for ever be A scarre upon our Name ! whom hast thou dealt with , Woman or man , this day , but have out-gone thee Some way , and most have prov'd the better fiends ? Yet , you would be imploy'd ? Yes , hell shall make you Provinciall o' the heaters ! or Baud-ledger , For this side o' the towne ! No doubt you 'll render A rare account of things . Bane o' your itch , And scratching for imployment . I 'll ha' brimstone To allay it sure , and fire to singe your nailes off , But , that I would not such a damn'd dishonor Sticke on our state , as that the divell were hang'd ; And could not save a body , that he tooke From Tiborne , but it must come thither againe : You should e'en ride . But up away with him � Ini. Mount , dearling of darknesse , my shoulders are broad : He that caries the fiend , is sure of his loade . The Divell was wont to carry away the evill ; But , now , the Evill out-carries the Divell .
Act. V. Scene . VII. Shackles . keeper . O mee ! Kee. 1. What 's this ? 2. A peece of Iustice Hall Is broken downe . 3. Fough ! what a steeme of brimstone Is here ? 4. The prisoner 's dead , came in but now ! Sha. Ha ? where ? 4. Look here . Kee. S'lid I should know his countenance ! It is Gil-Cut-purse , was hang'd out , this morning ! Sha. 'T is he ! 2. The Divell , sure , has a hand in this ! 3. What shall we doe ? Sha. Carry the newes of it Unto the Sherifes . 1. And to the Iustices . 4. This strange ! 3. And savours of the Divell , strongly ! 2. I' ha' the sulphure of Hell-coale i' my nose . 1. Fough . Sha. Carry him in . 1. Away . 2. How ranke it is !
Act. V. Scene . VIII. Sir Poule . Meere-craft . Ever-ill . Traines . Pitfall . Fitz-dottrell . to them . Wittipoll . Manly . Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Ingine . to them Guilt-head . Sledge . to them . Shackles . THis was the notablest Conspiracy , That ere I heard of . Mer. Sir , they had giv'n him potions , That did enamour him on the counterfeit Lady � Eve .. Iust to the time o'delivery o' the deed � Mer. And then the witchcraft ' gan t' appeare , for straight He fell into his fit . Eve. Of rage at first , Sir , Which since has so increased . Tay. Good Sir Poule , see him , And punish the impostors . Pou. Therefore I come , madame . Eit. Let M. Eitherside alone , madame . Pou. Do you heare ? Call in the Constable , I will have him by : H 'is the Kings Officer ! and some Cittizens , Of creadit ! I 'll discharge my conscience clearly . Mer. Yes , Sir , and send for his wife . Eve. And the two Sorcerers , By any meanes ! Tay. I thought one a true Lady , I should be sworne . So did you , Either-side ? Eit. Yes , by that light , would I might ne'r stir else , Tailbush . Tay. And the other a civill Gentleman . Eve. But , madam , You know what I tould your Ladiship . Tay. I now see it : I was providing of a banquet for 'hem After I had done instructing o' the fellow De-vile , the Gentlemans man . Mer. Who 's found a thiefe , madam . And to have rob'd your Usher , Master Ambler This morning . Tay. How ? Mer. I le tell you more , anon . Fit. Gi' me some garlicke , garlicke , garlicke , garlicke . Mer. Harke the poore Gentleman , how he is tormented ! Fit. My wife is a whore , I 'll kisse her no more : and why ? Ma'st not thou be a Cuckold as well as I ? Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , &c. Pou. That is the Divell speakes , and laughes in him . Mer. Do you think so Sir . Pou. I discharge my conscience . Fit. And is not the Divell good company ? Yes , wis . Eve. How he changes , Sir , his voice ! Fit. And a Cuckold is Where ere hee put his head , with a Wanion , If his hornes be forth , the Divells companion ! Looke , looke , looke , else . Mer. How he fomes ! Eve. And swells ! Tay. O , me ! what 's that there , rises in his belly ! Eit. A strange thing ! hold it downe : Tra. Pit. We cannot , madame . Pou. 'T is too apparent this ! Fit. Wittipol , Wittipol . Wit. How now , what play ha' we here . Man. What fine new , matters ? Wit. The Cockscombe , and the Coverlet . Mer. O strange impudence ! That these should come to face their sinne ! Eve. And out-face Iustice , they are the parties , Sir . Pou. Say nothing . Mer. Did you marke , Sir , upon their comming in , How he call'd Wittipol . Eve. And never saw 'hem . Pou. I warrant you did I , let 'hem play a while . Fit. Buz , buz , buz , buz . Tay Lasse poore Gentleman ! How he is tortur'd ! Mis. Fit Fie , Master Fitz-dottrel ! What doe yo meane to counterfait thus ? Fit. O , ô , Shee comes with a needle , and thrusts it in , She pulls out that , and shee puts in a pinne , And now , and now , I doe not know how , nor where , But shee pricks mee heere , and shee pricks me there : ôh , ôh , Pou. Woman forbeare . Wit. What , Sir ? Pou. A practice foule For one so faire : Wit. Hath this , then , credit with you ? Man. Do you believe in 't ? Pou. Gentlemen , I 'll discharge My conscience : 'T is a cleare conspiracy ! A darke and divellish practice ! I detest it ! Wit. The Iustice sure will prove to be the merrier ! Man. This is most strange , Sir . Pou. Come not to confront Authority with insolence : I tell you , I doe detest it . Here comes the Kings Constable , And with him a right worshipfull Commoner ; My good friend , Master Guilt-head ! I am glad I can before such witnesses , professe My conscience , and my detestation of it . Horrible ! most unaturall ! Abominable ! Eve. You doe not rumble enough . Mer. Wallow , gnash : Tay. O , how he is vexed ! Pou. 'T is too manifest . Eve. Give him more sope to foame with , now lie still . Mer. And act a little . Tay. What do's he now , Sir . Pou. Shew The taking of Tobacco , with which the Divell Is so delighted . Fit. Hum ! Pov. And calls for Hum . You takers of Waters and Tobacco , Marke this . Fit. Yellow , yellow , yellow , yellow , &c. Pou. That 's Starch ! the Divells Idoll of that colour . He ratifies it , clapping of his hands . The proofes are pregnant . Gui. How the Divel can act ! Pou. He is the Master of Players ? Master Guilt-head , And Poets , too ! you heard him talke in rime ! I had forgot to observe it to you , ere while ! Tay. See , he spits fire . Pou. O no , he plaies at Figgum , The Divell is the Author of wicked Figgum � Man. Why speake you not unto him ? Wit. If I had All innocence of man to be indanger'd And he could save , or ruine it : I 'ld not breath A syllable in request , to such a fellow , I 'd rather fall . Fit. ô they whisper , they whisper , whisper , &c. We shall have more , of Divells a score , To come to dinner , in me the sinner . Eyt. Alas , poore Gentleman ! Pou. Put 'hem asunder . Keepe 'hem one from the other . Man. Are you phrenticke , Sir , Or what grave dotage moves you , to take part With so much villany ? we are not afraid Either of law , or tryall ; let us be Examin'd what our ends were , what the meanes , To worke by ; and possibility of those meanes . Doe not conclude against us , ere you heare us . Pou. I will not heare you , yet I will conclude Out of the circumstances . Man. Will you so , Sir ? Pou. Yes they are palpable : Man. Not as your folly : Pou. I will discharge my conscience , and doe all To the Meridian of Iustice . Gui. You doe well , Sir : Fit. Provide me to eate , three or foure dishes o'good meat , I 'll feast them , and their traines , a Iustice head and braines Shall be the first . Pou. The Divell loves not Iustice , There you may see . Fit. A spare-rib o' my wife , And a whores purt'nance ! a Guilt-head whole . Pou. Be not you troubled , Sir , the Divell speakes it . Fit. Yes , wis , Knight , shite , Poule , Ioule , owle , foule , troule , boule . Pou. Crambe , another of the Divell's games ! Mer. Speake , Sir , some Greeke , if you can . Is not the Iustice A solemne gamester ? Eve. Peace . Fit. {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} , {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} . Pou. Hee curses In Greeke , I thinke . Eve. Your Spanish , that I taught you . Fit. Qu brémosel ojo de burlas . Eve. How ? your rest � Let 's breake his necke in jest , the Divell saies , Fit. Di gratia , Signòr mio se baúete denári fataméne parte . Mer. What , would the Divell borrow money ? Fit. Ouy , Ouy , Monsiur , ùn pàuure Diable ! Diablet in ! Pou. It is the Divell , by his severall languages . Sha. Where 's Sir Paule Either-side ? Pou. Here , what 's the matter ? Sha. O! such an accident falne out at Newgate , Sir : A great piece of the prison is rent downe ! The Divell has beene there , Sir , in the body � Of the young Cut-purse , was hang'd out this morning , But in new clothes , Sir , every one of us know him . These things were found in his pocket . Amb. Those are mine , Sir . Sha. I thinke he was committed on your charge , Sir . For a new felony Amb. Yes . Sha. Hee 's gone , Sir , now , And left us the dead body . But with all , Sir , Such an infernall stinke , and steeme behind , You cannot see St. Pulchars Steeple , yet . They smell 't as far as Ware , as the winde lies , By this time , sure . Fit. Is this upon your credit , friend ? Sha. Sir , you may see , and satisfie your selfe . Fit. Nay , then , 't is time to leave off counterfeiting . Sir I am not bewitch'd , nor have a Divell � No more then you . I doe defie him , I , And did abuse you . These two Gentlemen Put me upon it . ( I have faith against him ) They taught me all my trickes . I will tell truth , And shame the Fiend . See , here , Sir are my bellowes , And my falle belly , and my Mouse , and all That should ha' come forth ? Man. Sir , are not you asham'd Now of your solemne , serious vanity ? Pou. I will make honourable amends to truth . Fit. And so will I . But these are Coozners , still ; And ha' my land , as plotters , with my wife : Who , though she be not a witch , is worse , a whore . Man. Sir , you belie her . She is chast , and vertuous , and we are honest . I doe know no glory A man should hope , by venting his owne follies , But you 'll still be an Asse , in spite of providence . please you goe in , Sir , and here truths , then judge 'hem : and make amends for your late rashnesse ; when , You shall but here the paines and care was taken , To save this foole from ruine ( his Grace of Droun'd land ) Fit. My land is droun'd indeed � Pou. Peace . Man. And how much is modest and too worthy wife hath suffer'd By misconstruction , from him , you will blush , First for your owne beliefe , more for his actions ! His land is his : and never , by my friend , Or by my selfe , meant to another use , But for her succours , who hath equall right . If any other had worse counsells in 't , ( I know I speake to those can apprehend me ) Let 'hem repent 'hem , and be not detected . It is not manly to take joy , or pride In humane errours ( we doe all ill things , They doe 'hem worst that love 'hem , and dwell there , Till the plague comes ) The few that have the seeds Of goodnesse left , will sooner make their way To a true life , by shame , then punishment .
The END
Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A46228-e100840 He shewes Fitz-dottrel to him , comming forth . He expresses a longing to see the Divell . Hee lookes and survays's his feet ; over and over . He viewes his feet againe . Ingine hath won Fitz-dottrel , to say on the cloake . He gives him the Play-bill . He turnes to Wittipol . Hee shrugs himselfe up in the cloak . Wittipol knocks his friend o' the brest . A Niaise is a young Hawke , tane crying out of the nest . He disposes his wife to his place , and sets his watch . He repeats his contract againe . Wittipol beginnes . He offers to discloake him . Shee stands mute . He sets Mr. Manly his friend in her place . And speakes for her . He turnes his wife about . To a waiter . To another . He pluckes out the 2. Bottle-ale . Hee drawes out an other Raisines . She sends Divell out � Divell returnes . He goes out . She thinkes � her husband watches . Her husband goes out , and enters presently with a cudgell upon him . After a pause . He strikes him againe � and againe . Divell goes out . He whispers him of a place . Hee spies Divell . He gives him a paper , wherein is the copy of a Song . Manly sings , Pug enters perceives it . This Scene is acted at two windo's , as out of two contiguous buildings . Hee growes more familiar in his Court-ship . Plaies with her paps , kisseth her hands , &c. Her husband appeares at her back . Hee speakes out of his wives window . He strikes his wife . The Divell speakes below . Fitz-dottrel enters with his wife as come down . Ingine whispers Merecraft , Merecraft turnes to Fitz-dottrel . Fitz-dottrel goes out . Enters again . Traines enters . Mere-craft tells him of his faults . He repines , and threatens him . They joynes Meere-craft pretends businesse . Meere-craft describes the office of Dependancy . He offers to be gone . He whispers Fitz-dottrel aside . And then Guilt-head . He pulls Plutarchus by the lips . He turns to old Guilt-head . Now to Fitz-dottrel . He turnes 'hem out together . And Everill and he fall to share . He excepts at his stature . He shewes him his Pug. Gives him instructions . He longs to see the play . Because it is the Divell . He puts him in mind of his quarrell . He is angry with himselfe . He thinkes how to coozen the bearer of the ring . Questions his man . Offers to kisse . She runs in , in haste : he followes . Pug leaps at Pitfall's comming in . Traine's in his false cloak brings a false message , & gets the ring . Mere craft followes presently , and askes for it . Ent. Train's as himselfe againe . The Divell confesseth himselfe coozen'd . Meere-craft accuseth him of negligence . He asketh aide . Merecraft promiseth faintly , yet comforts him . The Divell is doubtfull . He flatters her . Manly offers to be gone . Meer-craft denies him . She spies the Lady Either-side . Meere-craft hath whisper'd with the while . The Project for Tooth-picks . Trains his man whispers him . She lookes in her glasse . Wittipol enters . Wittipol is drest like a Spanish Lady . Excuses him selfe for not kissing . Manly begins to know him . Wittipol whispers with Manly . He presents Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . He is jealous about his ring , and Mere-craft delivers it . Wittipol gives it Mistresse Fitz-dottrell . Mere-craft murmures . He is satisfied , now he sees it . He upbraids her with his Bill of costs . He enters himselfe with the Ladies . The Divell admires him . He shews his Pug. Manly goes out with indignation . They begin their Catechisme . He strikes him . The Divell praies . Fitz-dottrel admires Wittipol . The Divell praies againe . He gives his wife to him , taking him to be a Lady . Mere-craft whispers against him . Everil whispers against Mere-craft . Manly , conceal'd this while , shews himselfe . Meere-craft taks Wittipol aside , & moves a project for himselfe . He hopes to be the man . She designes Manly . Everil applaudes it . Fitz-dottrel is suspicious of Manly still . Wittipol discovers himselfe . He would have his deed again . Wittipol baffles him , and goes out . Pitfall goes out . Meere-craft seemes full of business Ambler this too with extraordinary speed He stags Ambler comes in , & survaies him . He answers quite from the purpose . For Scepticks . They repair their old plot . Fitz dottrel askes for his money . Meaning Mere-raft . The Project of forks . Sledge is brought about . And Guilt-head comes . Fitz-dottrel disclaimes him . And sends him away . Mere-craft gives the instructions to him and the rest . Pug is brought to New-gate . Enter Iniquity the Vice . The great Divell enters , and upbraids him with all his daies work . Iniquity takes him on his back . A great noise is heard in Newgate , and the Keepers come out affrighted . The Iustice comes out wondring and the rest informing him . He beginnes his fit . The Iustice interpret all Wittipol , and Manly and Mistr- Fitz-dottrel enter . His wife goes to him They whisper him . And give sope to act with . Sir Poule interprets Figgum a Iuglers game . Enter the Keeper of New-gate Fitx . dottrel leaves counterfaiting .
The Epilogue . THus , the Projector , here , is over-throwne . But I have now a Project of mine owne , If it may passe : that no man would invite The Poet from us , to sup forth to night , If the play please . If it displeasant be , We doe presume , that no man will : nor we :
Machine-generated castlist A46228-fitzdottrell 245 A46228-meerecraft 232 A46228-wittipol 155 A46228-pug 91 A46228-tailbush 80 A46228-everill 57 A46228-manly 48 A46228-ingine 44 A46228-eitherside 41 A46228-mrs_fitzdottrel 30 A46228-poule 29 A46228-ambler 26 A46228-guilt_head 20 A46228-plutarchus 15 A46228-trains 9 A46228-shackles 9 A46228-pitfall 7 A46228-iniquity 6 A46228-sledge 4 A46228-devil 4 A46228-keeper_2 4 A46228-keeper_1 4 A46228-unassigned 4 A46228-keeper_4 3 A46228-keeper_3 2 A46228-satan 2 A46228-servant 1 A46228-keeper 1 keeper_3 1 A46228-multiple 1
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�lbowes will thrust and spurne , And knocke us o'the elbowes and bid , turne ; As if , when we had spoke ha'seen't Till you give some . And when six times you ha' seen't , If this Play doe not like , the Chiefe� For that , great Chiefe! ! As time shall work , I do but aske my Tot�am of a Market-womans Mare , 'Twixt this and Totnam ? these were wont to bee Your maine atchievements ��� Why , any Fraud ; Or Covetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; ��� Iniquity ��� Fraud ; ��� Covetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; Or old Iniquity : I'll call him hither . ��� thy heele , and a hat like a pent-house . Thy breeches of three fingers , and thy doublet H�m Chimney-sweepers To their tobacco , and strong-waters , Hum , Meath , and Obarni . Wee must therefore ��� spirit departed , you may enter his body : For clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman ��� clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman , Or let our tribe of Brokers furnish you . ��� cloak� Ingine hath won Fitz-dottrel , to say on the cloake. . . giv� He gives him the Play-bill . upo'those the matter , that he'll part With's cloake upo' those termes ? And'tis And 'tis told me , Yo'have travell'd lately th� For the short space You doe demand , the fourth convenien� of an houre , I think I shall , with some convenient study , And this good helpe to boot , bring Cast'bout takings by the armes , nor tender circles Cast 'bout the wast , but all be done at distance ve� For that , ne'r vex your selfe , till the event . How like yo'him �ew degrees of thinking . Old Africk , and the new America , With all their fruite of Monsters � Pancridge : Draw , Gi'me out one , by chance . Project ; foure dogs skins ? Twelve thousand thinke� She thinkes � her husband watches . � richest tract of land , Love , i'the kingdome ! There will be made seventeene , or eighteene Gr�en-land Yes ; It goes like Green-land , Sir , if you marke it . were'gainst It were 'gainst reason , That you should urge it ; Sir , Ev�rill truth � That way his Genius lies . My Cousin Everill ! � Why , I must waite , I'am sure on't , Son : and though My Lord dispatch me , yet his �ells Mere-craft tells him of his faults . joyne� They joynes pou�d Exchequer , To supply all . What is't ? a hundred pound ? ��� , and it shall be one of my ambitions To have it the first Businesse ? May I not ? ��� Mer Sir� Sir� � ��� concernes , the first be a perfect � Sir , ��� concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse ��� concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse , For his own honour ! ow��onour the first be a perfect Businesse , ��� his own honour ! ��� I , and th'reputation To of my place . � that's done , now , what doe you upon it ? � grant out our Processe , which is divers ; Either by Chartell , Sir , or ore-tenus � You will hooke still ? well , Shew us your ring . You could not ha'done ha'thank'd now With gentlenesse , at first , we might ha' thank'd you � But groane , and ha'your courtesies � gentlenesse , at first , we might ha' thank'd you ? But groane , and ha'your courtesies come � him , that could pull his lips off , now ! Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman ? tu�ns He turns to old Guilt-head . Equivocks Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks � You'are growne the better Fathers of'hem � Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks : You'are growne the better Fathers of'hem fity therefore , Looke you't be right . You shall have fifty pound for't . Not a deneer more ! And because dencer You shall have fifty pound for't . Not a deneer more ! And because you would Have things � S'light ! There's Ingines share too , I had forgot ! This raigne Is too-too unsuportable Cioppin�s you'll love him for't ) To say , he weares Cioppines : and they doe so In Spaine . And Robinson's � I know her , Sir , And her Gentleman huisher . � What is her end , in this ? ��� Ev. . D�ttrel The foole's in sight , Dottrel . � But say , that he be ont , Wi'not be aw'd ! but laugh at you . How then ? Di�ell , rather then thanke you . Come , get the Diuell out of your head , my Lord , ( I'll call �enders speake Against a kinsman , but as one that tenders Your graces good . Fe�ffees presently . And leave a blancke to put in your Feoffees One , two , or more , as you see cause � comfor�� Merecraft promiseth faintly , yet comforts him . _APox A pox upo ' referring to Commissioners , I'had � must move , Madame , in order , by degrees : not jump . M�mis-man Why , there was Sr. Iohn Monie-man could jump A Businesse quickely . su�or part . You may have heard , That Manly is a sutor to me , I doubt not : �'faith You sha'not goe , i'faith . I'll ha' you stay and see this Spanish �avor therein did use but his old manners , And favor strongly what he was before . stranger� thou done , good wench ? Thou hast beene a stranger! ! I ha'not seene thee , this weeke . Ambl�r horses , And the two Coach-men , with my Ambler , bare , And my three women : we will live ha'what the breath Pure , and so free from taint � ha' what is't ? sai'st thou ? W�'not Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause � Most ruinous things p�use Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause � Most ruinous things , madame , That have Man�ly Wittipol whispers with Manly . Pol�dipedra Your Allum Scagliola , or Polidipedra ; And Zuccarino ; Turpentine of Abezzo , �lemish preserves from wrinkles , warts , spots , moles , blemish , or Sun-burnings , and keepes the skin � flowers of Rovistico ; Makes the best muta , or die of the whole world . fool�'s I must Deliver it , or marre all . This foole's so jealous . Madame � Sir , weare this ring � Ha'they no servants , madame , there ? nor friends ? � To get you entred . Then let my new Play , To wait upon you , here , to see't confirm'd Conqueronr sounds , me thinks , As it came in with the Conquerour � amires Fitz-dottrel admires Wittipol . sttamp forme her as you shall thinke good ! Set any stamp on ! I'll receive her from you As a new Meere�craft Meere-craft taks Wittipol aside , & moves a project meves Meere-craft taks Wittipol aside , & moves a project for himselfe . Fitz-doftrell Wittipoll . Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Manly . Meere-craft . Fitz-dottrell . designe She designes � Manly . Ny heare from me , he would needs be courting My Wife , Sir . S�r me , he would needs be courting My Wife , Sir . tell�ng Beyond telling ! Here has been that infinity of strangers indoubt goe neare To be the losse o'my place ; I am in doubt ! fu��� Meere-craft seemes full of business busine�� Meere-craft seemes full of business wit� Ambler this too with extraordinary speed spe�� Ambler this too with extraordinary speed H� He stags �mbler Ambler comes in , & survaies ��� . �omes Ambler comes in , & survaies ��� . ���vaies Ambler comes in , & survaies ��� . ��� Ambler comes in , & survaies him . dd So do I : renounce me else . �orks The Project of forks . We�'ll your selfe on a bed , Sir , And faine you ill . Wee'll not be seen wi'you , Till after , that you t'out doe . Sir , be confident , 'Tis no hard thing t'outdoe the Divell in : A Boy o'thirteen yeere old simpe Come , you ha'put Your selfe to a simple coile here , and your freinds , By dealing � Child of hell , be thou merry : Put a looke on , as round , boy , and red � ornaments , Baby , have graced thy betters : Looke upon me , and hearken . Our Chiefe � better fiends ? Yet , you would be imploy'd ? Yes , hell shall make you Provinciall o'the gan't'appeare And then the witchcraft ' gan t'appeare , for straight He fell into his Iustic� The Iustice interpret all ou�-face And out-face Iustice , they are the parties , Sir . F�e Gentleman ! How he is tortur'd ! Mis. Fit Fie , Master Fitz-dottrel ! What doe yo meane hi� His wife goes to him beloeve Do you believe in't ? � My conscience : 'Tis a cleare conspiracy ! A darke and divellish practice ! I detest �umble You doe not rumble enough . Merid�an discharge my conscience , and doe all To the Meridian of Iustice . �nd belie her . She is chast , and vertuous , and we are honest . I doe know no glory A man � , and we are honest . I doe know no glory A man should hope , by venting his owne follies �ut should hope , by venting his owne follies , But you'll still be an Asse , in spite of providence ��ase still be an Asse , in spite of providence . please you goe in , Sir , and here truths , then �o� make amends for your late rashnesse ; when , You shall but here the paines and care was taken �o but here the paines and care was taken , To save this foole from ruine ( his Grace of � modest and too worthy wife hath suffer'd By misconstruction , from him , you will blush ��st misconstruction , from him , you will blush , First for your owne beliefe , more for his actions ��� your owne beliefe , more for his actions ! His land is his : and never , by my friend , ��� land is his : and never , by my friend , Or by my selfe , meant to another use , ��� ��� ��� by my selfe , meant to another use , But for her succours , who hath equall right
A04633 ---- Bartholmew fayre : a comedie, acted in the yeare, 1614 by the Lady Elizabeths seruants, and then dedicated to King Iames, of most blessed memorie ; The diuell is an asse : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1616, by His Maiesties seruants ; The staple of newes : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1625, by His Maiesties seruants by the author, Beniamin Iohnson. Plays. Selections Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1631 Approx. 778 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 129 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2005-10 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A04633 STC 14753.5 ESTC S4350 24183010 ocm 24183010 27326 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A04633) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 27326) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1819:12) Bartholmew fayre : a comedie, acted in the yeare, 1614 by the Lady Elizabeths seruants, and then dedicated to King Iames, of most blessed memorie ; The diuell is an asse : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1616, by His Maiesties seruants ; The staple of newes : a comedie acted in the yeare, 1625, by His Maiesties seruants by the author, Beniamin Iohnson. Plays. Selections Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [10], 88, [2], 93-170, 75, [1] p. Printed by I.B. for Robert Allot, and are to be sold at the signe of the Beare, in Pauls Church-yard, London : 1631. Each play has special t.p. with same imprint. Author's name taken from first t.p. Second volume of "The workes of Benjamin Jonson."--Cf. STC (2nd ed.). Signatures: A⁶ (first leaf blank) B-Y⁴ 2A-2C⁴, ²D-H⁴ I⁶. Includes marginal notes. Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). 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After proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of 100 instances per text. Any remaining illegibles were encoded as s. Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2004-11 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2005-01 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2005-02 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2005-02 Judith Siefring Text and markup reviewed and edited 2005-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion BARTHOLMEW FAYRE : A COMEDIE , ACTED IN THE YEARE , 1614. By the Lady ELIZABETHS SERVANTS . And then dedicated to King IAMES , of most Blessed Memorie ; By the Author , BENIAMIN IOHNSON . Si foret in terris , rideret Democritus : nam Spectaret populum ludis attentiùs ipsis , Vt sibi praebentem , mimo spectacula plura . Scriptores autem narrare putaret assello Fabellam surdo . Hor. lib. 2. Epist. 1. LONDON , Printed by I. B. for ROBERT ALLOT , and are to be sold at the signe of the Beare , in Pauls Church-yard . 1631. THE PROLOGVE TO THE KINGS MAIESTY . YOur Maiesty is welcome to a Fayre ; Such place , such men , such language & such ware , You must expect : with these , the zealous noyse Of your lands Faction , scandaliz'd at toyes , As Babies , Hobby-horses , Puppet-playes , And such like rage , whereof the petulant wayes Your selfe haue knowne , and haue bin vext with long . These for your sport , without perticular wrong , Or iust complaint of any priuat● man , ( Who of himselfe , or shall thinke well or can ) The Maker doth present : and hopes , to night To giue you for a Fayring , true delight . THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY . IOHN LITTLE WIT. A Proctor . WIN LITTLE-WIT . His wife . DAME PVRE CRAFT . Her mother and a widdow . ZEAL-OF-THE-LAND BVSY. Her Suitor , a Banbury man. WIN-WIFE . His Riuall , a Gentleman . QVARLOVS . His companion , a Gamester . BARTHOLMEW COKES . An Esquire of Harrow . HVMPHREY WASPE. His man. ADAM OVER-DOO . A Iustice of Peace . DAME OVERDOO . His wife . GRACE WELBORNE . His Ward . LANT . LEATHERHEAD . A Hobbi-horse seller . IOANE TRASH . A Ginger-bread woman . EZECHIEL EDGWORTH . A Cutpurse . NIGHTINGALE . A Ballad-singer . VRSLA. A Pigge-woman . MOON-CALFE . Her Tapster . IORDAN KNOCK-HVM . A Horse-courser , and ranger o' Turnbull . VAL. CVTTING . A Roarer . CAPTAINE WHIT. A Bawd. PVNQVE ALICE . Mistresse o' the Game . TROVBLE-ALL . A Madman . WHTCHMEN , three . COSTARD-monger . MOVSETRAP-man . CLOTHIER . WRESTLER . PORTERS . DOORE-KEEPERS . PVPPETS . THE INDVCTION . ON THE STAGE . STAGE-KEEPER . GEntlemen , haue a little patience , they are e'en vpon comming , instantly ▪ He that should beginne the Play , Master Littlewit , the Proctor , has a stitch new falne in his black silk stocking ; 't will be drawn vp ere you can tell twenty . He playes one o' the Arches , that dwels about the Hospitall , and hee has a very pretty part . But for the whole Play , will you ha' the truth on 't ? ( I am looking , lest the Poet heare me , or his man , Master Broome , behind the Arras ) it is like to be a very conceited scuruy one , in plaine English. When 't comes to the Fayre , once : you were e'en as good goe to Virginia , for any thing there is of Smith-field . Hee has not hit the humors , he do's not know 'hem ; hee has not conuers'd with the Bartholmew-birds , as they say ; hee has ne're a Sword , and Buckler man in his Fayre , nor a little Dauy , to take toll o' the Bawds there , as in my time , nor a Kind-heart , if any bodies teeth should chance to ake in his Play. Nor a Iugler with a wel-educated Ape to come ouer the chaine , for the King of England , and backe againe for the Prince , and sit still on his arse for the Pope , and the King of Spaine ! None o'these fine sights ! Nor has he the Canuas-cut'ithe night , for a Hobby-horse-man to creepe into his she-neighbour , and take his leap , there ! Nothing ! No , and some writer ( that I know ) had had but the penning o' this matter , hee would ha' made you such a Iig-ajogge i' the boothes , you should ha' thought an earthquake had beene i' the Fayre ! But these Master - Poets , they will ha' their owne absurd courses ; they will be inform'd of nothing ! Hee has ( sirreuerence ) kick'd me three , or foure times about the Tyring-house , I thanke him , for but offering to putt in , with my experience . I 'le be iudg'd by you , Gentlemen , now , but for one conceit of mine ! would not a fine Pumpe vpon the Stage ha' done well , for a property now ? and a Punque set vnder vpon her head , with her Sterne vpward , and ha' beene fous'd by my wity young masters o' the Innes o' Court ? what thinke you o'th is for a shew , now ? hee will not heare o'th is ! I am an Asse ! I ! and yet I kept the Stage in Master Tarletons time , I thanke my starres . Ho! and that man had liu'd to haue play'd in Bartholmew Fayre , you should ha' seene him ha' come in , and ha' beene coozened i' the Cloath-quarter , so finely ! And Adams , the Rogue , ha leap'd and caper'd vpon him , and ha' dealt his vermine about , as though they had cost him nothing . And then a substantiall watch to ha' stolne in vpon 'hem , and taken 'hem away , with mistaking words , as the fashion is , in the Stage-practice . Booke-holder : Scriuener . To him . Booke . How now ? what rare discourse are you falne vpon ? ha ? ha' you found any familiars here , that you are so free ? what 's the businesse ? Sta. Nothing , but the vnderstanding Gentlemen o● the ground here , ask'd my iudgement . Booke . Your iudgement , Rascall ? for what ? sweeping the Stage ? or gathering vp the broken Apples for the beares within ? Away Rogue , it 's come to a fine degree in these spectacles when such a youth as you pretend to a iudgement . And yet hee may , i' the most o'th is matter i'faith : For the Author hath writ it iust to his Meridian , and the Scale of the grounded Iudgements here , his Play-fellowes in wit. Gentlemen ; not for want of a Prologue , but by way of a new one , I am sent out to you here , with a Scriuener , and certaine Articles drawne out in hast betweene our Author , and you ; which if you please to heare , and as they appeare reasonable , to approue of ; the Play will follow presently . Read , Scribe , gi'me the Counterpaine . Scr. ARTICLES of Agreement , indented , between the Spectators or Hearers , at the Hope on the Bankeside , in the County of Surrey on the one party ; And the Author of Bartholmew Fayre in the said place , and County on the other party : the one and thirtieth day of Octob. 1614. and in the twelfth yeere of the Raigne of our Soueragine Lord , IAMES by the grace of God King of England , France , & Ireland , Defender of the faith . And of Scotland the seauen and fortieth . INPRIMIS , It is couenanted and agreed , by and betweene the parties abouesaid , and the said Spectators , and Hearers , aswell the curious and enuious , as the fauouring and iudicious , as also the grounded Iudgements and vnderstandings , doe for themselues seuerally Couenant , and agree to remaine in the places , their money or friends haue put them in , with patience , for the space of two houres and an halfe , and somewhat more . In which time the Author promiseth to present them by vs , with a new sufficient Play called BARTHOLMEW FAYRE , merry , and as full of noise , as sport : made to delight all , and to offend none . Prouided they haue either , the wit or the honesty to thinke well of themselues . It is further agreed that euery person here , haue his or their free-will of censure , to like or dislike at their owne charge , the Author hauing now departed with his right : It shall bee lawfull for any man to iudge his six pen'orth his twelue pen'orth , so to his eighteene pence , 2. shillings , halfe a crowne , to the value of his place : Prouided alwaies his place get not aboue his wit. And if he pay for halfe a dozen , hee may censure for all them too , so that he will vndertake that they shall bee silent . Hee shall put in for Censures here , as they doe for lots at the lottery : mary if he drop but sixe pence at the doore , and will censure a crownes worth , it is thought there is no conscience , or iustice in that . It is also agreed , that euery man heere , exercise his owne Iudgement , and not censure by Contagion , or vpon trust , from anothers voice , or face , that sits by him , be he neuer so first , in the Commission of Wit : As also , that hee bee fixt and settled in his censure , that what hee approues , or not approues to day , hee will doe the same to morrow , and if to morrow , the next day , and so the next weeke ( if neede be : ) and not to be brought about by any that sits on the Bench with him , though they indite , and arraigne Playes daily . Hee that will sweare , Ieronimo , or Andronicus are the best playes , yet , shall passe vnexcepted at , heere , as a man whose Iudgement shewes it is constant , and hath stood still , these fiue and twentie , or thirtie yeeres . Though it be an Ignorance , it is a vertuous and stay'd ignorance ; and next to truth , a confirm'd errour does well ; such a one the Author knowes where to finde him . It is further couenanted , concluded and agreed , that how great soeuer the expectation bee , no person here , is to expect more then hee knowes , or better ware then a Fayre will affoord : neyther to looke backe to the sword and buckler-age of Smithfield , but content himselfe with the present . In stead of a little Dauy ; to take toll o' the Bawds , the Author doth promise a strutting Horse-courser , with a leere-Drunkard , two or three to attend him , in as good Equipage as you would wish . And then for Kinde-heart , the Tooth-drawer , a fine oyly Pig-woman with her Tapster , to bid you welcome , and a consort of Roarers for musique . A wise Iustice of Peace meditant , in stead of a Iugler , with an Ape . A ciuill Cutpurse searchant . A sweete Singer of new Ballads allur●nt : and as fresh an Hypocrite , as euer was broach'd rampant . If there bee neuer a Seruant-monster i' the Fayre ; who can helpe it ? he sayes ; nor a nest of Antiques ? Hee is loth to make Nature afraid in his Playes , like those that beget Tales , Tempests , and such like Drolleries , to mixe his head with other mens heeles ; let the concupisence of Iigges and Dances , raigne as strong as it will amongst you : yet if the Puppets will please any body , they shall be entreated to come in . In consideration of which , it is finally agreed , by the foresaid hearers , and spectators , that they neyther in themselues conceale , nor suffer by them to be concealed any State-decipherer , or politique Picklocke of the Scene , so solemnly ridiculous , as to search out , who was meant by the Ginger-bread-woman , who by the Hobby-horse-man , who by the Costard-monger , nay , who by their Wares . Or that will pretend to affirme ( on his owne inspired ignorance ) what Mirror of Magistrates is meant by the Iustice , what great Lady by the Pigge-woman , what conceal'd States-man , by the Seller of Mouse-trappes , and so of the rest . But that such person , or persons so found , be left discouered to the mercy of the Author , as a forfeiture to the Stage , and your laughter , aforesaid . As also , such as shall so desperately , or ambitiously , play the foole by his place aforesaid , to challenge the Author of scurrilitie , because the language some where sauours of Smithfield , the Booth , and the Pig-broath , or of prophanenesse , because a Mad-man cryes , God quit you , or blesse you . In witnesse whereof , as you haue preposterously put to your Seales already ( which is your money ) you will now adde the other part of suffrage , your hands , The Play shall presently begin . And though the Fayre be not kept in the same Region , that some here , perhaps , would haue it , yet thinke ▪ that therein the Author hath obseru'd a speciall Decorum , the place being as durty as Smithfield , and as stinking euery whit . Howsoeuer , hee prayes you to beleeue , his Ware is still the same , else you will make him iustly suspect that hee that is so loth to looke on a Baby , or an Hobby-horse , heere , would bee glad to take vp a Commodity of them , at any laughter , or losse , in another place . BARTHOLMEVV FAYRE . ACT. I. SCENE . I. LITTLE-VVIT . To him VVIN. A Pretty conceit , and worth the finding ! I ha' such lucke to spinne out these fine things still , and like a Silke-worme , out of my selfe . Her 's Master Bartholomew Cokes , of Harrow o' th hill , i' th County of Middlesex , Esquire , takes forth his Licence , to marry Mistresse Grace Wel-borne of the said place and County : and when do's hee take it foorth ? to day ! the foure and twentieth of August ! Bartholmew day ! Bartholmew vpon Bartholmew ! there 's the deuice ! who would haue mark'd such a leap-frogge chance now ? A very lesse then Ames-ace , on two Dice ! well , goe thy wayes Iohn Little-wit , Proctor Iohn Little-wit : One o' the pretty wits o' Pauls , the Little wit of London ( so thou art call'd ) and some thing beside . When a quirk , or a quiblin do's scape thee , and thou dost not watch , and apprehend it , and bring it afore the Constable of conceit : ( there now , I speake quib too ) let 'hem carry thee out o' the Archdeacons Court , into his Kitchin , and make a Iack of thee , in stead of a Iohn . ( There I am againe la ! ) Win , Good morrow , Win. I marry Win ! Now you looke finely indeed , Win ! this Cap do's conuince ! youl 'd not ha● worne it , VVin , nor ha' had it veluet , but a rough countrey Beauer , with a copper-band , like the Conney-skinne woman of Budge-row ? Sweete VVin , let me kisse it ! And. her fine high shooes , like the Spanish Lady ! Good VVin , goe a litle I would faine see thee pace , pretty VVin ! By this fine Cap , I could neuer leaue kissing on 't . WIN. Come , indeede la , you are such a foole , still ! LITT. No , but halfe a one , Win , you are the tother halfe : man and wife make one foole , Win. ( Good ! ) Is there the Proctor , or Doctor indeed , i' the Diocesse , that euer had the fortune to win him such a Win ! ( There I am againe ! ) I doe feele conceits comming vpon mee , more then I am able to turne tongue too . A poxe o these pretenders , to wit ! your Three Cranes , Miter , and Mermaid men ! Not a corne of true salt , nor a graine of right mustard amongst them all . They may stand for places or so , againe the next Wit fall , and pay two pence in a quart more for their Canary , then other men . But gi' mee the man , can start vp a Iustice of Wit out of six-shillings beare , and giue the law to all the Poets , and Poet-suckers i' Towne , because they are the Players Gossips ? 'Slid , other men haue wiues as fine as the Players , and as well drest . Come hither , Win. ACT. I. SCENE . IJ. WIN-WIFE . LITTLEVVIT . WIN. WHy , how now Master Little-wit ! measuring of lips ? or molding of kisses ? which is it ? LITT. Troth I am a little taken with my Wins dressing here ! Do'st not fine Master Win-wife ? How doe you apprehend , Sir ? Shee would not ha' worne this habit . I challenge all Cheapside , to shew such another : Morefields , Pimlic● path , or the Exchange , in a sommer euening , with a Lace to boot as this has . Deare Win , let Master Win-wife kisse you . Hee comes a wooing to our mother Win , and may be our father perhaps , Win. There 's no harme in him , Win. WIN-W. None i' the earth , Master Little-wit . LITT. I enuy no man , my delicates , Sir. WIN-W. Alas , you ha' the garden where they grow still ! A wife heere with a Strawbery-breath , Chery-lips , Apricot-cheekes , and a soft veluet head , like a Melicotion . LITT. Good y'faith ! now dulnesse vpon mee , that I had not that before him , that I should not light on 't , as well as he ! Veluet head ! WIN-W. But my taste , Master Little-wit , tends to fruict of a later kinde : the sober Matron , your wiues mother . LITT. I ! wee know you are a Suitor , Sir. Win , and I both , wish you well : by this Licence here , would you had her , that your two names were as fast in it , as here are a couple . Win would faine haue a fine young father i' law , with a fether : that her mother might hood it , and chaine it , with Mistris Ouer-doo . But , you doe not take the right course , Master Win-wife . WIN-W. No ? Master Litle-wit , why ? LIT. You are not madde enough . WIN-W. How ? Is madnesse a right course ? LIT. I say nothing , but I winke vpon Win. You haue a friend , one ( Master Quarlous ) comes here some times ? WIN-W. Why ? he makes no loue to her , do's he ? LIT. Not a tokenworth that euer I saw , I assure you , But — WIN-W. What ? LIT. He is the more Mad-cap o' the two . You doe not apprehend mee . WIN. You haue a hot coale i' your mouth , now , you cannot hold . LIT. Let mee out with it , deare Win. WIN. I 'll tell him my selfe . LIT. Doe , and take all the thanks , and much do good thy pretty heart , Win. WIN. Sir , my mother has had her natiuity-water cast lately by the Cunning men in Cow●lane , and they ha' told her her fortune , and doe ensure her , shee shall neuer haue happy houre ; vnlesse shee marry within this sen'night , and when it is , it must be a Madde-man , they say . LIT. I , but it must be a Gentle-man Mad-man . WIN. Yes , so the tother man of More-fields sayes . WIN-W. But do's shee beleeue ' hem ? LIT. Yes , and ha's beene at Bedlem twice since , euery day , to enquire if any Gentleman be there , or to come there , mad ! WIN-W. Why , this is a confederacy , a meere piece of practice vpon her , by these Impostors ? LIT. I tell her so ; or else say I , that they meane some young . Madcap-Gentleman ( for the diuell can equiuocate , as well as a Shop-keeper ) and therefore would I aduise you , to be a little madder , then Master Quarlous , hereafter . WIN. Where is shee ? stirring yet ? LIT. Stirring ! Yes , and studying an old Elder , come from Banbury , a Suitor that puts in heere at meale-tyde , to praise the painefull brethren , or pray that the sweet singers may be restor'd ; Sayes a grace as long as his breath lasts him ! Some time the spirit is so strong with him , it gets quite out of him , and then my mother , or Win , are faine to fetch it againe with Malmesey , or Aqua coelestis . WIN. Yes indeed , we haue such a tedious life with him for his dyet , and his clothes too , he breaks his buttons , and cracks seames at euery saying he sobs out . IOH. He cannot abide my Vocation , he sayes . WIN. No , he told my mother , a Proctor was a claw of the Beast , and that she had little lesse then committed abomination in marrying me so as she ha's done . IOH. Euery line ( he sayes ) that a Proctor writes , when it comes to be read in the Bishops Court , is a long blacke hayre , kemb'd out of the tayle of Anti-Christ . WIN-W. When came this Proselyte ? IOH. Some three dayes since . ACT. I. SCENE . IIJ. QVARLOVS , IOHN , WIN , WIN-VVIFE . O Sir , ha' you tane soyle , here ? it's well , a man may reach you , after 3. houres running , yet ! what an vnmercifull companion art thou , to quit thy lodging , at such vngentle manly houres ? None but a scatterd couey of Fidiers , or one of these Rag-rakers in dung-hills , or some Marrow-bone man at most , would haue beene vp , when thou wert gone abroad , by all description . I pray thee what aylest thou , thou canst not sleepe ? hast thou Thornes i' thy eye-lids , or Thistles i' thy bed . WIN-W. I cannot tell : It seemes you had neither i' your feet ; that tooke this paine to finde me . QVAR. No , and I had , all the Lime-hounds o' the City should haue drawne after you , by the sent rather , Mr Iohn Little-wit ! God saue you , Sir. 'T was a hot night with some of vs , last night , Iohn : shal we pluck a hayre o' the same Wolfe , to day , Proctor Iohn ? IOH. Doe you remember Master Quarlous , what wee discourst on , last night ? QVAR. Not I , Iohn : nothing that I eyther discourse or doe , at those times I forfeit all to forgetfulnesse . IOH. No ? not concerning Win , looke you : there shee is , and drest as I told you she should be : harke you Sir , had you forgot ? QVAR. By this head , I 'le beware how I keepe you company , Iohn , when I drunke , and you haue this dangerous memory ! that 's certaine . IOH. Why Sir ? QVAR. Why ? we were all a little stain'd last night , sprinckled with a cup or two , and I agreed with Proctor Iohn heere , to come and doe somewhat with Win ( I know not what 't was ) to day ; and he puts mee in minde on 't , now ; hee sayes hee was comming to fetch me : before Truth , if you haue that fearefull quality , Iohn , to remember , when you are sober , Iohn , what you promise drunke , Iohn ; I shall take heed of you , Iohn . For this once , I am content to winke at you , where 's your wife ? come hither Win. ( He kisseth her . WIN. Why , Iohn ! doe you see this , Iohn ? looke you ! helpe me , Iohn . IOH. O Win , fie , what do you meane , Win ! Be womanly , Win ; make an outcry to your mother , Win ? Master Quarlous is an honest Gentleman , and our worshipfull good friend , Win : and he is Master Winwifes friends , too : And Master Win-wife comes a Suitor to your mother Win ; as I told you before , Win , and may perhaps , be our Father , Win , they 'll do you no harme , Win , they are both our worshipfull good friends . Master Quarlous ! you must know Mr. Quarlous , Win ; you must not quarrell with Master Quarlous , VVin. QVAR. No , wee 'll kisse againe and fall in . IOH. Yes , doe good Win. WIN. Y'faith you are a foole , Iohn . IOH. A Foole-Iohn she calls me , doe you marke that , Gentlemen ? pretty littlewit of veluet ! a foole - Iohn ! QVAR. She may call you an Apple - Iohn , if you vse this . WIN-W. Pray thee forbeare , for my respect somewhat . QVAR. Hoy-day ! how respectiue you are become o' the sudden ! I feare this family will turne you reformed too , pray you come about againe . Because she is in possibility to be your daughter in law , and may aske you blessing hereafter , when she courts it to Totnam to eat creame . Well , I will forbeare , Sir , but i'faith , would thou wouldst leaue thy exercise of widdow-hunting once ! this drawing after an old reuerend Smocke by the splay-foote : There cannot be an ancient Tripe or Trillibub i' the Towne , but thou art straight nosing it , and 't is a fine occupation thou 'lt confine thy selfe to , when thou ha'st got one ; scrubbing a piece of Buffe , as if thou hadst the perpetuity of Pannyer-alley to stinke in ; or perhaps , worse , currying a carkasse , that thou hast bound thy selfe to aliue . I 'll besworne , some of them , ( that thou art , or hast beene a Suitor to ) are so old , as no chast or marryed pleasure can euer become 'hem : the honest Instrument of procreation , has ( forty yeeres since ) left to belong to 'hem , thou must visit 'hem , as thou wouldst doe a Tombe , with a Torch , or three hand-fulls of Lincke , flaming hot , and so thou maist hap to make 'hem feele thee , and after , come to inherit according to thy inches . A sweet course for a man to waste the brand of life for , to be still ●aking himselfe a fortune in an old womans embers ; we shall ha' thee after thou hast beene but a moneth marryed to one of 'hem , looke like the quartane ague , and the black Iaundise met in a face , and walke as if thou had'st borrow'd legges of a Spinner , and voyce of a Cricket . I would endure to heare fifteene Sermons aweeke for her , and such course , and lowd one's , as some of 'hem must be ; I would een desire of Fate , I might dwell in a drumme , and take in my sustenance , with an old broken Tobacco-pipe and a Straw . Dost thou euer thinke to bring thine eares or stomack , to the patience of a drie grace , as long as thy Tablecloth ? and droan'd out by thy sonne , here , ( that might be thy father ; ) till all the meat o' thy board has forgot , it was that day i' the Kitchin ? Or to brooke the noise made , in a question of Predestination , by the good labourers and painefull eaters , assembled together , put to 'hem by the Matron , your Spouse ; who moderates with a cup of wine , euer and anone , and a Sentence out of Knoxe between ? or the perpetuall spitting , before , and after a sober drawne exhortation of six houres , whose better part was the hum-hahum ? Or to heare prayers groan'd out , ouer thy iron-chests , as if they were charmes to breake ' hem ? And all this for the hope of two Apostle-spoones , to suffer ! and a cup to eate a cawdle in ! For that will be thy legacy . She 'll ha' conuey'd her state , safe enough from thee , an' she be a right widdow . WIN. Alasse , I am quite off that sent now . QVAR. How so ? WINW. Put off by a Brother of Banbury , one , that , they say , is come heere , and gouernes all , already . QVAR. What doe you call him ? I knew diuers of those Banburians when I was in Oxford . WIN-W. Master Little-wit can tell vs. IOH. Sir ! good VVin , goe in , and if Master Bartholmew Cokes - his man come for the Licence : ( the little old fellow ) let him speake with me ; what say you , Gentlemen ? WIN-W. What call you the Reuerend Elder ? you told me of ? your Banbury-man . IOH. Rabbi Busy , Sir , he is more then an Elder , he is a Prophet , Sir. QVAR. O , I know him ! a Baker , is he not ? IOH. Hee was a Baker , Sir , but hee do's dreame now , and see visions , hee has giuen ouer his Trade . QVAR. I remember that too : out of a scruple hee tooke , that ( in spic'd conscience ) those Cakes hee made , were seru'd to Bridales , May-poles , Morrisses , and such prophane feasts and meetings ; his Christen-name is Zeale-of-the-land . IOH. Yes , Sir , Zeale-of-the-land Busye . WIN-W. How , what a name 's there ! IOH. O , they haue all such names , Sir ; he was Witnesse , for Win , here , ( they will not be call'd God-fathers ) and nam'd her VVinne-the-fight , you thought her name had beene VVinnifred , did you not ? WIN-W. I did indeed . IOH. Hee would ha' thought himselfe a starke Reprobate , if it had . QVAR. I , for there was a Blew-starch-woman o' the name , at the same time . A notable hypocriticall vermine it is ; I know him . One that stands vpon his face , more then his faith , at all times ; Euer in seditious motion , and reprouing for vaine-glory : of a most lunatique conscience , and splene , and affects the violence of Singularity in all he do's : ( He has vndone a Grocer here , in New-gate-market , that broke with him , trusted him with Currans , as errant a Zeale as he , that 's by the way : by his profession , hee will euer be i' the state of Innocence , though ; and child-hood ; derides all Antiquity ; defies any other Learning , then Inspiration ; and what discretion soeuer , yeeres should afford him , it is all preuented in his Originall ignorance ; ha' not to doe with him : for hee is a fellow of a most arrogant , and inuincible dulnesse , I assure you ; who is this ? ACT. I. SCEENE . IIIJ. WASPE. IOHN . WIN-WIFE . QVARLOVS . BY your leaue , Gentlemen , with all my heart to you : and god you good morrow ; Mr Little-wit , my businesse is to you . Is this Licence ready ? IOH. Heere , I ha' it for you , in my hand , Master Humphrey . WAS. That 's well , nay , neuer open , or read it to me , it 's labour in vaine , you know . I am no Clearke , I scorne to be sau'd by my booke , i'faith I 'll hang first ; fold it vp o' your word and gi' it mee ; what must you ha' for 't ? IOH. We 'll talke of that anon , Master Humphrey . WAS. Now , or not at all , good Mr Proctor , I am for no anon's , I assure you . IOH. Sweet VVin , bid Salomon send mee the little blacke boxe within , in my study . WAS. I , quickly , good Mistresse , I pray you : for I haue both egges o' the Spit , and yron i' the fire , say , what you must haue , good Mr Little-wit . IOH. Why , you know the price , Mr Numps . WAS. I know ? I know nothing . I , what tell you mee of knowing ? ( now I am in hast ) Sir , I do not know , and I will not know , and I scorne to know , and yet , ( now I think on 't ) I will , and do know , as well as another ; you must haue a Marke for your thing here , and eight pence for the boxe ; I could ha' sau'd two pence i'th at , an' I had bought it my selfe , but heere 's foureteene shillings for you . Good Lord ! how long your little wife staies ! pray God , Salomon , your Clerke , be not looking i' the wrong boxe , Mr Proctor . IOH. Good i'faith ! no , I warrant you , Salomon is wiser then so , Sir. WAS. Fie , fie , fie , by your leaue Master Little-wit , this is scuruy , idle , foolish and abominable , with all my heart ; I doe not like it . WIN-W. Doe you heare ? Iacke Little-wit , what businesse do's thy pretty head thinke , this fellow may haue , that he keepes such a coyle with ? QVAR. More then buying of ginger-bread i' the Cloyster , here , ( for that wee allow him ) or a guilt pouch i' the Fayre ? IOH. Master Quarlous , doe not mistake him : he is his Masters both-hands , I assure you . QVAR. What ? to pull on his boots , a mornings , or his stockings , do's hee ? IOH. Sir , if you haue a minde to mocke him , mocke him softly , and looke to'ther way : for if hee apprehend you flout him , once , he will flie at you presently . A terrible testie old fellow , and his name is Waspe too . QVAR. Pretty Insect ! make much on him . WAS. A plag●e o'th is boxe , and the poxe too , and on him that made it , and her that went for 't , and all that should ha' sought it , sent it , or brought it ! doe you see , Sir ? IOH. Nay , good Mr Waspe . WAS. Good Master Hornet , turd i' your teeth , hold you your tongue ; doe not I know you ? your father was a Pothecary , and sold glisters , more then hee gaue , I wusse : and turd i' your little wiues teeth too ( heere she come● ) 't will make her spit as fine as she is , for all her veluet-custerd on her head , Sir. IOH. O! be ciuill Master Numpes . WAS. Why , say I haue a humour not to be ciuill ; how then ? who shall compell me ? you ? IOH. Here is the boxe , now . WAS. Why a pox o' your boxe , once againe : let your little wife stale in it , and she will. Sir , I would haue you to vnderstand , and these Gentlemen too , if they please — WIN-W. With all our hearts . Sir. WAS. That I haue a charge . Gentlemen . IOH. They doe apprehend , Sir. WAS. Pardon me , Sir , neither they nor you , can apprehend mee , yet . ( you are an Asse ) I haue a young Master , hee is now vpon his making and marring ; the whole care of his well doing , is now mine . His foolish scholemasters haue done nothing , but runne vp and downe the Countrey with him , to beg puddings , and cake-bread , of his tennants , and almost spoyled him , he has learn'd nothing , but to sing catches , and repeat rattle bladder rattle , and O , Madge . I dare not let him walke alone , for feare of learning of vile tunes , which hee will sing at supper , and in the sermon-times ! if hee meete but a Carman i' the streete , and I finde him not talke to keepe him off on him , hee will whistle him , and all his tunes ouer , at night in his sleepe ! he has a head full of Bees ! I am faine now ( for this little time I am absent ) to leaue him in charge with a Gentlewoman ; 'T is true , shee is A Iustice of Peace his wife , and a Gentlewoman o' the hood , and his naturall sister ▪ But what may happen , vnder a womans gouernment , there 's the doubt . Gentlemen , you doe not know him : hee is another manner of peece then you think for ! but nineteen yeere old , and yet hee is taller then either of you , by the head , God blesse him . QVAR. Well , mee thinkes , this is a fine fellow ! WIN-W. He has made his Master a finer by this description , I should thinke . QVAR. 'Faith , much about one , it 's crosse and pile , whether for a new farthing . WAS. I 'll tell you Gentlemen — IOH. Will 't please you drinke , Master VVaspe ? WAS. Why , I ha' not talk't so long to be drie , Sir , you see no dust or cobwebs come out o' my mouth : doe you ? you 'ld ha' me gone , would you ? IOH. No , but you were in hast e'en now , Mr Numpes . WAS. What an' I were ? so I am still , and yet I will stay too ; meddle you with your match , your Win , there , she has as little wit , as her husband it seemes : I haue others to talke to . IOH. She 's my match indeede , and as little wit as I , Good ! WAS. We ha' bin but a day and a halfe in towne , Gentlemen , 't is true , and yester day i' the afternoone , we walk'd London , to shew the City to the Gentlewoman , he shall marry , Mistresse Grace ; but , afore I will endure such another halfe day , with him , I 'll be drawne with a good Gib-cat , through the great pond at home , as his vncle Hodge was ! why , we could not meet that heathen thing , all day , but ●ayd him : he would name you all the Signes ouer , as hee went , aloud : and where hee spi'd a Parrat , or a Monkey , there hee was pitch'd , with all the littl-long-coats about him , male and female ; no getting him away ! I thought he would ha' runne madde o' the blacke boy in Bucklers-bury , that takes the scury , roguy tobacco , there . IOH. You say true , Master Numpes : there 's such a one indeed . WAS. It 's no matter , whether there be , or no , what 's that to you ? QVAR. He will not allow of Iohn's reading at any hand , ACT. I. SCENE . V. COKES . Mistris OVER-DOO . WASPE. GRACE . QVARLOVS . WIN-WIFE . IOHN . WIN. O Numpes ! are you here Numpes ? looke where I am , Numpes ! and Mistris Grace , too ! nay , doe not looke angerly , Numpes : my Sister is heere , and all , I doe not come without her . WAS. What , the mischiefe , doe you come with her ? or shee with you ? COK. We came all to seeke you , Numpes . WAS. To seeke mee ? why , did you all thinke I was lost ? or runne away with your foureteene shillings worth of small ware , here ? or that I had chang'd it i' the Fayre , for hobby-horses ? S'pretious — to seeke me ! OVER. Nay , good Mr Numpes , doe you shew discretion , though he bee exorbitant , ( as Mr Ouer-doo saies , ) and 't be but for conseruation of the peace . WAS. Mary gip , goody she - Iustice , Mistris French-hood ! turd i' your teeth ; and turd i' your French-hoods teeth , too , to doe you seruice , doe you see ? must you quote your Adam to me ! you thinke , you are Madam Regent still , Mistris Ouer-doo ; when I am in place ? no such matter , I assure you , your raigne is out , when I am in , Dame. OVER. I am content to be in abeyance , Sir , and be gouern'd by you ; so should hee too , if he did well ; but 't will be expected , you should also gouerne your passions . WAS. Will 't so forsooth ? good Lord ! how sharpe you are ! with being at Bet'lem yesterday ? VVhetston has set an edge vpon you , has hee ? OVER. Nay , if you know not what belongs to your dignity : I doe , yet , to mine . WAS. Very well , then . COK. Is this the Licence , Numpes ? for Loues sake , let me see 't . I neuer saw a Licence . WAS. Did you not so ? why , you shall not see 't , then . COK. An' you loue mee , good Numpes . WAS. Sir , I loue you , and yet I do not loue you , i'these fooleries , set your heart at rest ; there 's nothing in 't , but hard words : and what would you see 't for ? COK. I would see the length and the breadth on 't , that 's all ; and I will see 't now , so I will. WAS. You sha' not see it , heere . COK. Then I 'll see 't at home , and I 'll looke vpo ' the case heere . WAS. Why , doe so , a man must giue way to him a little in trifles : Gentlemen . These are errors , diseases of youth : which he will mend , when he comes to iudgement , and knowledge of matters . I pray you conceiue so , and I thanke you . And I pray you pardon him , and I thanke you againe . QVAR. Well , this dry-nurse , I say still , is a delicate man. WIN-W. And I , am , for the Cosset , his charge ! Did you euer see a fellowes face more accuse him for an Asse ? QVAR. Accuse him ? it confesses him one without accusing . What pitty 't is yonder wench should marry such a Cokes ? WIN-W. 'T is true . QVAR. Shee seemes to be discreete , and as sober as shee is handsome . WIN-W. I , and if you marke her , what a restrain'd scorne she casts vpon all his behauiour , and speeches ? COK. Well , Numpes , I am now for another piece of businesse more , the Fayre , Numpes , and then — WAS. Blesse me ! deliuer me , helpe , hold mee ! the Fayre ! COK. Nay , neuer fidge vp and downe , Numpes , and vexe it selfe . I am resolute Bartholmew , in this ; I l'e make no suite on 't to you ; 't was all the end of my iourney , indeed , to shew Mistris Grace my Fayre : I call 't my Fayre , because of Bartholmew : you know my name is Bartholmew , and Bartholmew Fayre . IOH. That was mine afore , Gentlemen : this morning . I had that i'faith , vpon his Licence , beleeue me , there he comes , after me . QVAR. Come , Iohn , this ambitious wit of yours , ( I am afraid ) will doe you no good i' the end . IOH. No ? why Sir ? QVAR. You grow so insolent with it , and ouerdoing , Iohn : that if you looke not to it , and tie it vp , it will bring you to some obscure place in time , and there'twill leaue you . WIN-W. Doe not trust it too much , Iohn , be more sparing , and vse it , but now and then ; a wit is a dangerous thing , in this age ; doe not ouer buy it . IOH. Thinke you so , Gentlemen ? I 'll take heed on 't , hereafter . WIN. Yes , doe Iohn . COK. A prety little soule , this same Mistris Little-wit ! would I might marry her . GRA. So would I , or any body else , so I might scape you , COK. Numps , I will see it , Numpes , 't is decreed : neuer be melancholy for the matter . WAS. Why , see it , Sir , see it , doe see it ! who hinders you ? why doe you not goe see it ? 'Slid see it . COK. The Fayre , Numps , the Fayre . WAS. Would the Fayre and all the Drums , and Rattles in 't , were i' your belly for mee : they are already i' your braine : he that had the meanes to trauell you head , now , should meet finer sights then any are i' the Fayre ; and make a finer voyage on 't ; to see it all hung with cockle-shels , pebbles , fine wheat-strawes , and here and there a chicken's feather , and a cob-web . QVAR. Goodfaith , hee lookes , me thinkes an' you marke him , like one that were made to catch flies , with his Sir Cranion-legs . WIN-W. And his Numpes , to flap 'hem away . WAS. God , be w'you , Sir , there 's your Bee in a box , and much good doo 't , you . COK. Why , your friend , and Bartholmew ; an' you be so contumacious . QVAR. What meane you , Numpes ? WAS. I 'll not be guilty , I , Gentlemen . OVER. You will not let him goe , Brother , and loose him ? COK. Who can hold that will away ? I had rather loose him then the Fayre , I wusse . WAS. You doe not know the inconuenience , Gentlemen , you perswade to : nor what trouble I haue with him in these humours . If he goe to the Fayre , he will buy of euery thing , to a Baby there ; and houshold-stuffe for that too . If a legge or an arme on him did not grow on , hee would lose it i' the presse . Pray heauen I bring him off with one stone ! And then he is such a Rauener after fruite ! you will not beleeue what a coyle I had , t'other day , to compound a businesse betweene a Katerne-peare-woman , and him , about snatching ! 't is intolerable , Gentlemen . WIN-W. O! but you must not leaue him , now , to these hazards , Numpes . WAS. Nay , hee knowes too well , I will not leaue him , and that makes him presume : well , Sir , will you goe now ? if you haue such an itch i' your feete , to foote it to the Fayre , why doe you stop , am I your Tarriars ? goe , will you goe ? Sir , why doe you not goe ? COK. O Numps ! haue I brought you about ? come Mistresse Grace , and Sister , I am resolute Batt , i'faith , still . GRA. Truely , I haue no such fancy to the Fayre ; nor ambition to see it ; there 's none goes thither of any quality or fashion . COK. O Lord , Sir ! you shall pardon me , Mistris Grace , we are inow of our selues to make it a fashion : and for qualities , let Numps alone , he 'l finde qualities . QVAR. What a Rogue in apprehension is this ! to vnderstand her language no better . WIN-W. I , and offer to marry to her ? well , I will leaue the chase of my widdow , for to day , and directly to the Fayre . These flies 〈…〉 this hot season , but engender vs excellent creeping sport . 〈…〉 man that has but a spoone full of braine , would think ●o ●arewell , Iohn . IOH. Win , you see , 't is in fashion , to goe to the Fayre , Win : we ●u●t to the Fayre too , you , and I , Win. I haue an affaire i' the Fayre , 〈◊〉 , a Puppet-play of mine owne making , say nothing , that I writ for ●he motion man , which you must see , Win. WIN. I would I might Iohn , but my mother will neuer consent to such a prophane motion : she will call it . IOH. Tut , we 'll haue a deuice , a dainty one ; ( Now , Wit , helpe at a pinch , good Wit come , come , good Wit , and 't be thy will. ) I haue it , Win , I haue it 'ifaith , and 't is a fine one . Win , long to eate of a Pigge , sweet Win , i' the Fayre ; doe you see ? i' the heart o' the Fayre ; not at Pye-Corner . Your mother will doe any thing , Win , to satisfie your longing , you know , pray thee long , presently , and be sicke o' the sudden , good Win. I 'll goe in and tell her , cut thy lace i' the meane time , and play the Hypocrite , sweet Win. WIN. No , I 'll not make me vnready for it . I can be Hypocrite enough , though I were neuer so straight lac'd . IOH. You say true , you haue bin bred i' the family , and brought vp to 't . Our mother is a most elect Hypocrite , and has maintain'd us all this seuen yeere with it , like Gentle-folkes . WIN. I , Let her alone , Iohn , she is not a wise wilfull widdow for nothing , nor a sanctified sister for a song . And let me alone too , I ha' somewhat o' the mother in me , you shall see , fetch her , fetch her , ah , ah . ACT. I. SCENE . VI. PVRECRAFT . WIN. IOHN . BVSY. SALOMON . NOw , the blaze of the beauteous discipline , fright away this euill from our house ! how now Win-the-fight , Child : how do you ? Sweet child , speake to me . WIN. Yes , forsooth . PVR. Looke vp , sweet Win-the-fight , and suffer not the enemy to enter you at this doore , remember that your education has bin with the purest , what polluted one was it , that nam'd first the vncleane beast , Pigge , to you , Child ? WIN. ( Vh , vh . ) IOH. Not I , o' my sincerity , mother : she long'd aboue three houres , ere she would let me know it ; who was it Win ? WIN. A prophane blacke thing with a beard , Iohn . PVR. O! resist it , Win-the-fight , it is the Tempter , the wicked Tempter , you may know it by the fleshly motion of Pig , be strong against it , and it 's foule temptations , in these assaults , whereby it broacheth flesh and blood , as it were , on the weaker side , and pray against it's carnall prouocations , good child , sweet child , pray . IOH. Good mother , I pray you ; that she may eate some Pigge , and her belly full , too ; and doe not you cast away your owne child , and perhaps one of mine , with your tale of the Tempter : how doe you , Win ? Are you not sicke ? WIN. Yes , a great deale , Iohn , ( vh , vh . ) PVR. What shall we doe ? call our zealous brother Busy hither , for his faithfull fortification in this charge of the aduersary ; child , my deare childe , you shall eate Pigge , be comforted , my sweet child . WIN. I , but i' the Fayre , mother . PVR. I meane i' the Fayre , if it can be any way made , or found lawfull ; where is our brother Busy ? Will hee not come ? looke vp , child . IOH. Presently , mother , as soone as he has cleans'd his beard . I found him , fast by the teeth , i' the cold Turkey-pye , i' the cupbord , with a great white loafe on his left hand , and a glasse of Malmesey on his right . PVR. Slander not the Brethren , wicked one . IOH. Here hee is , now , purified , Mother . PVR. O brother Busy ! your helpe heere to edifie , and raise vs vp in a scruple ; my daughter Win-the-fight is visited with a naturall disease of women ; call'd , A longing to eate Pigge . IOH. I Sir , a Bartholmew-pigge : and in the Fayre . PVR. And I would be satisfied from you , Religiously-wise , whether a widdow of the sanctified assembly , or a widdowes daughter , may commit the act , without offence to the weaker sisters . BVS. Verily , for the disease of longing , it is a disease , a carnall disease , or appetite , incident to women : and as it is carnall , and incident , it is naturall , very naturall : Now Pigge , it is a meat , and a meat that is nourishing , and may be long'd for , and so consequently eaten ; it may be eaten ; very exceeding well eaten : but in the Fayre , and as a Bartholmew-pig , it cannot be eaten , for the very calling it a Bartholmew-pigge , and to eat it so , is a spice of Idolatry , and you make the Fayre , no better then one of the high Places . This I take it , is the state of the question . A high place . IOH. I , but in state of necessity : Place should giue place , Mr ▪ Busy , ( I haue a conceit left , yet . ) PVR. Good Brother , Zeale-of-the-land , thinke to make it as lawfull as you can . IOH. Yes Sir , and as soone as you can : for it must be Sir ; you see the danger my little wife is in , Sir. PVR. Truely , I doe loue my child dearely , and I would not haue her miscarry , or hazard her first fruites , if it might be otherwise . BVS. Surely , it may be otherwise , but it is subiect , to construction , subiect , and hath a face of offence , with the weake , a great face , a foule face , but that face may haue a vaile put ouer it , and be shaddowed , as it were , it may be eaten , and in the Fayre , I take it , in a Booth , the tents of the wicked : the place is not much , not very much , we may be religious in midst of the prophane , so it be eaten with a reformed mouth , with sobriety , and humblenesse ; not gorg'd in with gluttony , or greedinesse ; there 's the feare : for , should she goe there , as taking pride in the place , or delight in the vncleane dressing , to feed the vanity of the eye , or the lust of the palat , it were not well , it were not fit , it were abominable , and not good . IOH. Nay , I knew that afore , and told her on 't , but courage , Win , we 'll be humble enough ; we 'll seeke out the homeliest Booth i' the Fayre , that 's certaine , rather then faile , wee 'll eate it o' the ground . PVR. I , and I 'll goe with you my selfe , Win th e-fight , and my brother , Zeale-of-the-land , shall goe with vs too , for our better consolation . WIN. Vh , vh . IOH. I , and Salomon too , Win , ( the more the merrier ) Win , we 'll leaue Rabby Busy in a Booth . Salomon , my cloake . SAL. Here , Sir. BVS. In the way of comfort to the weake , I will goe , and eat . I will eate exceedingly , and prophesie ; there may be a good vse made of it , too , now I thinke on 't : by the publike eating of Swines flesh , to professe our hate , and loathing of Iudaisme , whereof the brethren stand taxed . I will therefore eate , yea , I will eate exceedingly . IOH. Good , i'faith , I will eate heartily too , because I will be no Iew , I could neuer away with that stiffenecked generation : and truely , I hope my little one will be like me , that cries for Pigge so , i' the mothers belly . BVS. Very likely , exceeding likely , very exceeding likely . ACT. II. SCENE . I. IVSTICE OVERDOO . WEll , in Iustice name , and the Kings ; and for the common-wealth ! defie all the world , Adam Ouerdoo , for a disguise , and all story ; for thou hast fitted thy selfe , I sweare ; faine would I meet the Linccus now , that Eagles eye , that peircing Epidaurian serpent ( as my Quint. Horace cal's him ) that could discouer a Iustice of Peace , ( and lately of the Quorum ) vnder this couering . They may haue seene many a foole in the habite of a Iustice ; but neuer till now , a Iustice in the habit of a foole . Thus must we doe , though , that wake for the publike good : and thus hath the wise Magistrate done in all ages . There is a doing of right out of wrong , if the way be found . Neuer shall I enough commend a worthy worshipfull man , sometime a capitall member of this City , for his high wisdome , in this point , who would take you , now the habit of a Porter ; now of a Carman ; now of the Dog-killer , in this moneth of August ; and in the winter , of a Seller of tinder-boxes ; and what would hee doe in all these shapes ? mary goe you into euery Alehouse , and down into euery Celler ; measure the length of puddings , take the gage of blacke pots , and cannes , I , and custards with a sticke ; and their circumference , with a thrid ; weigh the loaues of bread on his middle-finger ; then would he send for 'hem , home ; giue the puddings to the poore , the bread to the hungry , the custards to his children ; breake the pots , and burne the cannes , himselfe ; hee Would not trust his corrupt officers ; he would do 't himselfe . would all men in authority would follow this worthy president ! For ( alas ) as we are publike persons , what doe we know ? nay , what can wee know ? wee heare with other mens eares ; wee see with other mens eyes ? a foolish Constable , or a sleepy Watchman , is all our information , he slanders a Gentleman , by the vertue of his place , ( as he calls it ) and wee by the vice of ours , must beleeue him . As a while agone , they made mee , yea me , to mistake an honest zealous Pursiuant , for a Seminary : and a proper yong Batcheler of Musicke , for a Bawd. This wee are subiect to , that liue in high place , all our intelligence is idle , and most of our intelligencers , knaues : and by your leaue , our selues , thought little better , if not errant fooles , for beleeuing ' hem . I Adam Ouerdoo , am resolu'd therefore , to spare spy-money hereafter , and make mine owne discoueries . Many are the yeerely enormities of of this Fayre , in whose courts of Pye-pouldres I haue had the honour during the three dayes sometimes to sit as Iudge . But this is the speciall day for detection of those foresaid enormities . Here is my blacke booke , for the purpose ; this the cloud that hides me : vnder this couert I shall see , and not be seene . On Iunius Brutus . And as I began , so I 'll end : in Iustice name , and the Kings ; and for the Common-wealth . ACT. II. SCENE . II. LEATHERHEAD . TRASH . IVSTICE . VRS'LA . MOONE-CALFE . NIGHTINGALE . Costermonger . Passengers . THe Fayre's pestlence dead , mee thinkes ; people come not abroad , to day , what euer the matter is . Doe you heare , Sister Trash , Lady o' the Basket ? sit farther with your ginger-bread-progeny there , and hinder not the prospect of my shop , or I 'll ha' it proclaim'd i' the Fayre , what stuffe they are made on . TRA. Why , what stuffe are they made on , Brother Leather-head ? nothing but what 's wholesome , I assure you . LEA. Yes , stale bread , rotten egges , musty ginger , and dead honey , you know . IVS. I ! haue I met with enormity , so soone ? LEA. I shall marre your market , old Ione . TRA. Marre my market , thou too-proud Pedler ? do thy worst ; I defie thee , I , and thy stable of hobby-horses . I pay for my ground , as well as thou dost , and thou wrong'st mee for all thou art parcell-poet , and an Inginer . I 'll finde a friend shall right me , and make a ballad of thee , and thy cattell all ouer . Are you puft vp with the pride of your wares ? your Arsedine ? LEA. Goe to , old Ione , I 'll talke with you anone ; and take you downe too , afore Iustice Ouerdoo , he is the man must charme you , I le ha' you i' the Piepouldres . TRA. Charme me ? I 'll meet thee face to face , afore his worship , when thou dar'st : and though I be a little crooked o' my body , I 'll be found as vpright in my dealing , as any woman in Smithfield , I , charme me ? IVS. I am glad , to heare , my name is their terror , yet , this is doing of Iustice. LEA. What doe you lacke ? what is 't you buy ? what do you lacke ? Rattles , Drums , Halberts , Horses , Babies o●the best ? Fiddles o' th finest ? Enter Cost . COS. Buy any peares , peares , fine , very fine peares . TRA. Buy any ginger-bread , guilt ginger-beard ! NIG. Hey , now the Fayre 's a filling ! O , for a Tune to startle The Birds o' the Booths here billing ▪ Yeerely with old Saint Barthle ! The Drunkards they are wading , The Punques , and Chapmen trading ; who 'ld see the Fayre without his lading ? Buy any ballads ; new ballads ? VRS. Fye vpon 't : who would weare out their youth , and prime thus , in roasting of pigges , that had any cooler vocation ? Hell 's a kind of cold cellar to t , a very fine vault , o' my conscience ! what Moone-calfe . MOo. Heere , Mistresse . NIG. How now Vrsla ? in a heate , in a heat ? VRS. My chayre , you false faucet you ; and my mornings draught , quickly , a botle of Ale , to quench mee , Rascall . I am all sire , and fat , Nightingale , I shall e'en melt away to the first woman , a ribbe againe , I am afraid . I doe water the ground in knots , as I goe , like a great Garden-pot , you may follow me by the S.S. s. I make . NIG. Alas , good Vr's ; was Zekiel heere this morning ? VRS. Zekiel ? what Zekiel ? NIG. Zekiel Edgeworth , the ciuill cut-purse , you know him well enough ; hee that talkes bawdy to you still : I call him my Secretary . VRS. He promis'd to be heere this morning , I remember . NIG. When he comes , bid him stay : I 'll be backe againe presently . VRS. Best take your mornings dew in your belly , Nightingale , come , Moon-calfe brings in the Chaire . Sir , set it heere , did not I bid you should get this chayre let out o' the sides , for me , that my hips might play ? you 'll neuer thinke of any thing , till your dame be rumpgall'd ; 't is well , Changeling : because it can take in your Grasse-hoppers thighes , you care for no more . Now , you looke as you had been i' the corner o' the Booth , fleaing your breech , with a candles end , and set fire o' the Fayre . Fill , Stote : fill . IVS. This Pig-woman doe I know , and I will put her in , for my second enormity , shee hath beene before mee , Punke , Pinnace and Bawd , any time these two and twenty yeeres , vpon record i' the Pie-poudres . VRS. Fill againe , you vnlucky vermine . MOO. 'Pray you be not angry , Mistresse , I 'll ha' it widen'd anone . VRS. No , no , I shall e'en dwindle away to 't , ere the Fayre be done , you thinke , now you ha' heated me ? A poore vex'd thing I am , I feele my selfe dropping already , as fast as I can : two stone a sewet aday is my proportion : I can but hold life & soule together , with this ( heere 's to you , Nightingale ) and a whiffe of tobacco , at most . Where 's my pipe now ? not fill'd ? thou errant Incubee . NIG. Nay , Vrsla , thou 'lt gall betweene the tongue and the teeth , with fretting , now . VRS. How can I hope , that euer hee 'll discharge his place of trust , Tapster , a man of reckoning vnder me , that remembers nothing I say to him ? but looke too 't , sirrah , you were best , three pence a pipe full , I will ha' made , of all my whole halfe pound of tabacco , and a quarter of a pound of Coltsfoot , mixt with it too , to itch it out . I that haue dealt so long in the fire , will not be to seek in smoak , now . Then 6. and 20. shillings a barrell I will aduance o' my Beere ; and fifty shillings a hundred o' my bottle-ale , I ha' told you the waies how to raise it . Froth your cannes well i' the filling , at length Rogue , and iogge your bottles o' the buttocke , Sirrah , then skinke out the first glasse , euer , and drinke with all companies , though you be sure to be drunke ; you 'll mis-reckon the better , and be lesse asham'd on 't . But your true tricke , Rascall , must be , to be euer busie , and mis-take away the bottles and cannes , in hast , before they be halfe drunke off , and neuer heare any body call , ( if they should chance to marke you ) till you ha' brought fresh , and be able to forsweare ' hem . Giue me a drinke of Ale. IVS. This is the very wombe , and bedde of enormitie ! grosse , as her selfe ! this must all downe for enormity , all , euery whit on 't . VRS. Looke , who 's there , Sirrah ? One knocks . fiue shillings a Pigge is my price , at least ; if it be a sow-pig , six pence more ▪ if she be a great bellied wife , and long for 't , six pence more for that . IVS. O Tempora ! O mores ! I would not ha' lost my discouery of this one grieuance , for my place , and worship o' the Bench , how is the poore subiect abus'd , here ! well , I will fall in with her , and with her Moone-calfe , and winne out wonders of enormity . By thy leaue , goodly woman , and the fatnesse of the Fayre : oyly as the Kings constables Lampe , and shining as his Shooing-horne ! hath thy Ale vertue , or thy Beere strength ? that the tongue of man may be tickled ? and his palat pleas'd in the morning ? let thy pretty Nephew here , goe search and see . VRS. What new Roarer is this ? MOO. O Lord ! doe you not know him , Mistris , 't is mad Arthur of Bradley , that makes the Orations ▪ Braue Master , old Arthur of Bradley , how doe you ? welcome to the Fayre , when shall wee heare you againe , to handle your matters ? with your backe againe a Booth , ha ? I ha' bin one o' your little disciples , i' my dayes ! IVS. Let me drinke , boy , with my loue , thy Aunt , here ; that I may be eloquent : but of thy best , lest it be bitter in my mouth , and my words fall foule on the Fayre . VRS. Why dost thou not fetch him drinke ? and offer him to sit ? MOO. Is 't Ale , or Beere ? Master Arthur ? IVS. Thy best , pretty stripling , thy best ; the same thy Doue drinketh , and thou drawest on holy daies . VRS. Bring him a sixe penny bottle of Ale ; they say , a fooles handsell is lucky . IVS. Bring both , child . Ale for Arthur , and Beere for Bradley . Ale for thine Aunt , boy . My disguise takes to the very wish , and reach of it . I shall by the benefit of this , discouer enough , and more : and yet get off with the reputation of what I would be . A certaine midling thing , betweene a foole and a madman . ACT. II. SCENE . III. KNOCKHVM . to them . WHat ! my little leane Vrsla ! my shee-Beare ! art thou aliue yet ? with thy litter of pigges , to grunt out another Bartholmew Fayre ? ha ! VRS. Yes , and to amble afoote , when the Fayre is done , to heare you groane out of a cart , vp the heauy hill . KNO. Of Holbourne , Vrsla , meanst thou so ? for what ? for what , pretty Vrs ? VRS. For cutting halfe-penny purses : or stealing little penny dogges , out o' the Fayre . KNO. O! good words , good words Vrs. IVS. Another speciall enormitie . A cutpurse of the sword ! the boote , and the feather ! those are his marks . VRS. You are one of those horsleaches , that gaue out I was dead , in Turne-bull streete , of a surfet of botle ale , and tripes ? KNO. No , 't was better meat Vrs : cowes vdders , cowes vdders ! VRS. Well , I shall be meet with your mumbling mouth one day . KNO. What ? thou 'lt poyson mee with a neuft in a bottle of Ale , will 't thou ? or a spider in a tobacco-pipe , Vrs ? Come , there 's no malice in these fat folkes , I neuer feare thee , and I can scape thy leane Moonecalfe heere . Let 's drinke it out , good Vrs , and no vapours ! IVS. Dost thou heare , boy ? ( there 's for thy Ale , and the remnant for thee ) speake in thy faith of a faucet , now ; is this goodly person before vs here , this vapours , a knight of the knife ? MOO. What meane you by that , Master Arthur ? IVS. I meane a child of the horne-thumb , a babe of booty , boy ; a cutpurse . MOO. O Lord , Sir ! far from it . This is Master Dan. Knockhum : Iordane the Ranger of Turnebull . He is a horse-courser , Sir. IVS. Thy dainty dame , though , call'd him cutpurse . MOO. Like enough , Sir , shee 'll doe forty such things in an houre ( an you listen to her ) for her recreation , if the toy take her i' the greasie kerchiefe : it makes her fat you see . Shee battens with it . IVS. Here might I ha' beene deceiu'd , now : and ha' put a fooles blot vpon my selfe , if I had not play'd an after game o' discretion . KNO. Alas poore Vrs , this 's an ill season for thee . Vrsla comes in againe dropping . VRS. Hang your selfe , Hacney-man . KNO. How ? how ? Vrs , vapours ! motion breede vapours ? VRS. Vapours ? Neuer tuske , nor twirle your dibble , good Iordane , I know what you 'll take to a very drop . Though you be Captaine o' the Roarers , and fight well at the case of pis-pots , you shall not fright me with your Lyon-chap , Sir , nor your tuskes , you angry ? you are hungry : come , a pigs head will stop your mouth , and stay your stomacke , at all times . KNO. Thou art such another mad merry Vrs still ! Troth I doe make conscience of vexing thee , now i' the dog-daies , this hot weather , for feare of foundring thee i' the bodie ; and melting down a Piller of the Fayre . Pray thee take thy chayre againe , and keepe state ; and let 's haue a fresh bottle of Ale , and a pipe of tabacco ; and no vapours . I 'le ha' this belly o' thine taken vp , and thy grasse scour'd , wench ; looke ! heere 's Ezechiel Edgworth ; a fine boy of his inches , as any is i' the Fayre ! has still money in his purse , and will pay all , with a kind heart ; and good vapours . ACT. II. SCENE . IIII. To them EDGVVORTH . NIGHTINGALE . Corne-cutter . Tinder-box-man . Passengers . THat I will , indeede , willingly , Master Knockhum , fetch some Ale , and Tabacco . LEA. What doe you lacke , Gentlemen ? Maid : see a fine hobby horse for your young Master : cost you but a token a weeke his prouander . COR. Ha' you any cornes ' iyour feete , and toes ? TIN. Buy a Mouse-trap , a Mouse-trap , or a Tormentor for a Flea . TRA. Buy some Ginger-bread . NIG. Ballads , Ballads ! fine new ballads : Heare for your loue , and buy for your money . A delicate ballad o' the Ferret and the Coney . A preseruatiue again ' the Punques euill . Another of Goose-greene-starch , and the Deuill . A dozen of diuine points , and the Godly garters . The Fairing of good councell , of an ell and three quarters . What is 't you buy ? The Wind-mill blowne downe by the witches fart ! Or Saint George , that O! did breake the Dragons heart ! EDG. Master Nightingale , come hither , leaue your mart a little . NIG. O my Secretary ! what sayes my Secretarie ? IVS. Childe o' the bottles , what 's he ? what he ? MOO. A ciuill young Gentleman , Master Arthur , that keepes company with the Roarers , and disburses all , still . He has euer money in his purse ; He payes for them ; and they roare for him : one do's good offices for another . They call him the Secretary , but he serues no body . A great friend of the Ballad-mans they are neuer asunder . IVS. What pitty 't is , so ciuill a young man should haunt this debaucht company ? here 's the bane of the youth of our time apparant . A proper penman , I see 't in his countenance , he has a good Clerks looke with him , and I warrant him a quicke hand . MOO. A very quicke hand , Sir. EDG. All the purses , and purchase , I giue you to day by conueyance , bring hither to Vrsla's presently . This they whisper , that Ouerdoo heares it not . Heere we will meet at night in her ●odge , and share . Looke you choose good places , for your standing i' the Fayre , when you sing , Nightingale . VRS. I , neere the fullest passages ; and shift 'hem often . EDG. And i' your singing , you must vse your hawks eye nimbly , and flye the purse to a marke , still , where 't is worne , and o'which side ; that you may gi'me the signe with your beake , or hang your head that way i' the tune . VRS. Enough , talke no more on 't : your friendship ( Masters ) is not now to beginne . Drinke your draught of Indenture , your sup of Couenant , and away , the Fayre fils apace , company begins to come in , and I ha' ne'er a Pigge ready , yet . KNO. Well said ! fill the cups , and light the tabacco : let 's giue fire i' th' works , and noble vapours . EDG. And shall we ha' smockes Vrsla , and good whimsies , ha ? VRS. Come , you are i' your bawdy vaine ! the best the Fayre will afford , Zekiel , if Bawd Whit keepe his word ; how doe the Pigges , Moone-calfe ? MOO. Very passionate , Mistresse , one on 'hem has wept out an eye . Master Arthur o' Bradley is melancholy , heere , no body talkes to him . Will you any tabacco Master Arthur ? IVS. No , boy , let my meditations alone . MOO. He 's studying for an Oration , now . IVS. If I can , with this daies trauell , and all my policy , but rescue this youth , here , out of the hands of the lewd man , and the strange woman . I will sit downe at night , and say with my friend Ouid , Iamque opus exegi , quod nec Iouis ira , nec ignis , &c. KNO. Here Zekiel ; here 's a health to Vrsla , and a kind vapour , thou hast money i' thy purse still ; and store ! how dost thou come by it ? Pray thee vapour thy friends some in a courteous vapour . EDG. Halfe I haue , Master Dan. Knockhum , is alwaies at your seruice , IVS. Ha , sweete nature ! what Goshawke would prey vpon such a Lambe ? KNO. Let 's see , what 't is , Zekiel ! count it , come , fill him to pledge mee . ACT. II. SCENE . V. WIN-WIFE . QVARLOVS . to them . WEe are heere before 'hem , me thinkes . QVAR. All the better , we shall see 'hem come in now . LEA. What doe you lacke , Gentlemen , what is 't you lacke ? a fine Horse ? a Lyon ? a Bull ? a Beare ? a Dog , or a Cat ? an excellent fine Bartholmew ▪ bird ? or an Instrument ? what is 't you lacke ? QVAR. S'lid ! heere 's Orpheus among the beasts , with his Fiddle , and all ! TRA. Will you buy any comfortable bread , Gentlemen ? QVAR. And Ceres selling her daughters picture , in Ginger-worke ! WIN. That these people should be so ignorant to thinke vs chapmen for ' hem ! doe wee looke as if wee would buy Ginger-bread ? or Hobby-horses ? QVAR. Why , they know no better ware then they haue , nor better customers then come . And our very being here makes vs fit to be demanded , as well as others . Would Cokes would come ! there were a true customer for ' hem . KNO. How much is 't ▪ thirty shillings ? who 's yonder ! Ned Winwife ? and Tom Quarlous , I thinke ! yes , ( gi' me it all ) ( gi' me it all ) Master Win-wife ! Master Quarlous ! will you take a pipe of tabacco with vs ? do not discredit me now , Zekiel . WIN. Doe not see him ! he is the roaring horse-courser , pray thee let 's auoyd him : turne downe this way . QVAR. S'lud , I 'le see him , and roare with him , too , and hee roar'd as loud as Neptune , pray thee goe with me . WIN. You may draw me to as likely an inconuenience , when you please , as this . QVAR. Goe to then , come along , we ha' nothing to doe , man , but to see sights , now . KNO. Welcome Master Quarlous , and Master Winwife ! will you take any froth , and smoake with vs ? QVAR. Yes , Sir , but you 'l pardon vs , if we knew not of so much familiarity betweene vs afore . KNO. As what , Sir ? QVAR. To be so lightly inuited to smoake , and ●roth . KNO. A good vapour ! will you sit downe , Sir ? this is old Vrsla's mansion , how like you her bower ? heere you may ha'your Punque , and your Pigge in state , Sir , both piping hot . QVAR. I had rather ha' my Punque , cold , Sir. IVS. There 's for me , Punque ! and Pigge ! VRS. What Moonecalfe ? you Rogue . She calls within . MOO. By and by , the bottle is almost off Mistresse , here Master Arthur . VRS. I 'le part you , and your play-fellow there , i' the garded coat , an' you sunder not the sooner . KNO. Master Win-wife , you are proud ( me thinkes ) you doe not talke , nor drinke , are you proud ? WIN. Not of the company I am in , Sir , nor the place , I assure you . KNO. You doe not except at the company ! doe you ? are you in vapours , Sir ? MOO. Nay , good Master Dan : Knockhum , respect my Mistris Bower , as you call it ; for the honour of our Booth , none o' your vapours , heere . VRS. Why , you thinne leane Polcat you , and they haue a minde to be i' their vapours , must you hinder 'hem ? what did you know Vermine , if they would ha' lost a cloake , or such a triflle ? She comes out with a fire-brand . must you be drawing the ayre of pacification heere ? while I am tormented , within , i' the fire , you Weasell ? MOO. Good Mistresse , 't was in the behalfe of your Booth's credit , that I spoke . VRS , Why ? would my Booth ha' broake , if they had fal'ne out in 't ? Sir ? or would their heate ha' fit'd it ? in , you Rogue , and wipe the pigges , and mend the fire , that they fall not , or I 'le both baste and roast you , till your eyes drop out , like ' hem . ( Leaue the bottle behinde you , and be curst a while . ) QVAR. Body o' the Fayre ! what 's this ? mother o' the Bawds ? KNO. No , she 's mother o' the Pigs , Sir , mother o' the Pigs ! WIN. Mother o' the Furies , I thinke , by her firebrand . QVAR. Nay , shee is too fat to be a Fury , sure , some walking Sow of tallow ! WIN. An inspir'd vessell of Kitchin-sluffe ! QVAR. She 'll make excellent geere for the Coach-makers , She drinkes this while . here in Smithfield , to anoynt wheeles and axell trees with . VRS. I , I , Gamesters , mocke a plaine plumpe soft wench o' the Suburbs , doe , because she 's iuicy and wholesome : you must ha' your thinne pinch'd ware , pent vp i' the compasse of a dogge-collar , ( or 't will not do ) that lookes like a long lac'd Conger , set vpright , and a greene feather , like fennell i' the Ioll on 't . KNO. Well said Vrs , my good Vrs ; to 'hem Vrs. QVAR. Is shee your quagmite , Dan : Knockhum ? is this your Bogge ? NIG. We shall haue a quarrel presently . KNO. How ? Bog ? Quagmire ? foule vapours ! hum'h ! QVAR. Yes , hee that would venture for 't , I assure him , might sinke into her , and be drown'd a weeke , ere any friend hee had , could find where he were . WIN. And then he would be a fort'night weighing vp againe . QVAR. 'T were like falling into a whole Shire of butter : they had need be a teeme of Dutchmen , should draw him out . KNO. Answer 'hem , Vrs , where 's thy Bartholmew-wit , now ? Vrs , thy Bartholmew-wit ? VRS. Hang 'hem , rotten , roguy Cheaters , I hope to see 'hem plagu'd one day ( pox'd they are already , I am sure ) with leane play-house poultry , that has the boany rumpe , sticking out like the Ace of Spades , or the point of a Partizan , that euery rib of 'hem is like the tooth of a Saw : and will so grate 'hem with their hips , & shoulders , as ( take 'hem altogether ) they were as good lye with a hurdle . QVAR. Out vpon her , how she drips ! she 's able to giue a man the sweating Sicknesse , with looking on her . VRS. Mary looke off , with a patch o' your face ; and a dosen i' your breech , though they be o'scarlet , Sir. I ha' seene as fine outsides , as either o' yours , bring lowsie linings to the Brokers , ere now , twice a weeke ? QVAR. Doe you thinke there may be a fine new Cuckingstoole i' the Fayre , to be purchas'd ? one large inough , I meane . I know there is a pond of capacity , for her . VRS. For your mother , you Rascall , out you Rogue , you hedge bird , you Pimpe , you pannier-mans bastard , you . QVAR. Ha , ha , ha . VRS. Doe you sneere , you dogs-head , you Trendle tayle ! you looke as you were begotten a'top of a Cart in haruest-time , when the whelp was hot and eager . Go , snuffe after your brothers bitch , Mrs Commodity , that 's the Liuory you weare , 't will be out at the elbows , shortly . It 's time you went to 't , for the to'ther remnant . KNO. Peace , Vrs , peace , Vrs , they 'll kill the poore Whale , and make oyle of her . Pray thee goe in . VRS. I 'le see 'hem pox'd first , and pil'd , and double pil'd . WIN. Let 's away , her language growes greasier then her Pigs . VRS. Dos't so , snotty nose ? good Lord ! are you sniueling ? you were engendred on a she-begger , in a barne , when the bald Thrasher , your Sire , was scarce warme . WIN. Pray thee , let 's goe . QVAR. No , faith : I 'le stay the end of her , now : I know shee cannot last long ; I finde by her similes , shee wanes a pace . VRS. Do's shee so ? I 'le set you gone . Gi' mee my Pig-pan hither a little . I 'le scald you hence , and you will not goe . KNO. Gentlemen , these are very strange vapours ! and very idle vapours ! I assure you . QVAR. You are a very serious asse , wee assure you . KNO. Humh ! Asse ? and serious ? nay , then pardon mee my vapour . I haue a foolish vapour , Gentlemen : any man that doe's vapour me , the Asse , Master Quarlous — QVAR. What then , Master Iordan ? KNO. I doe vapour him the lye . QVAR. Faith , and to any man that vapours mee the lie , I doe vapour that . KNO. Nay , then , vapours vpon vapours . EDG. NIG. ' Ware the pan , the pan , the pan , shee comes with the pan , Gentlemen . God blesse the woman . VRS. Oh. ERA. What 's the matter ? IVS. Goodly woman ! MOO. Mistresse ! VRS. Curse of hell , that euer I saw these Feinds , oh ! I ha' scalded my leg , my leg , my leg , my leg . I ha' lost a limb in the seruice ! run for some creame and sallad oyle , quickly . Are you vnder-peering , you Baboun ? rip off my hose , an' you be men , men , men . MOO. Runne you for some creame , good mother Ione . I 'le looke to your basket . LEA. Best sit vp i' your chaire , Vrsla . Helpe , Gentlemen . KNO. Be of good cheere , Vrs , thou hast hindred me the currying of a couple of Stallions , here , that abus'd the good race - Bawd o'Smithfield ; 't was time for 'hem to goe . NIG. I faith , when the panne came , they had made you runne else . ( this had beene a fine time for purchase , if you had ventur'd . ) EDG. Not a whit , these fellowes were too fine to carry money . KNO. Nightingale , get some helpe to carry her legge out o' the ayre ; take off her shooes ; body o' me , she has the Mallanders , the scratches , the crowne scabbe , and the quitter bone , i' the tother legge . VRS. Oh! the poxe , why doe you put me in minde o' my leg , thus , to make it prick , and shoot ? would you ha' me i' the Hospitall , afore my time ? KNO. Patience , Vrs , take a good heart , 't is but a blister , as big as a Windgall ; I 'le take it away with the white of an egge , a little honey , and hogs grease , ha' thy pasternes well rol'd , and thou shall 't pase againe by to morrow . I 'le tend thy Booth , and looke to thy affaires , the while : thou shalt sit i' thy chaire , and giue directions , and shine Vrsa maior . ACT. II. SCENE . VI. IVSTICE . EDGEWORTH . NIGHTINGALE . COKES . WASPE. Mistris OVERDOO . GRACE . THese are the fruites of bottle-ale , and tabacco ! the some of the one , and the fumes of the other ! Stay young man , and despise not the wisedome of these few hayres , that are growne gray in care of thee . EDG. Nightingale , stay a little . Indeede I 'le heare some o' this ! COK. Come , Numps , come , where are you ? welcome into the Fayre , Mistris Grace . EDG. S'light , hee will call company , you shall see , and put vs into doings presently . IVS. Thirst not after that frothy liquor , Ale : for , who knowes , when hee openeth the stopple , what may be in the bottle ? hath not a Snaile , a Spider , yea , a Neuft bin found there ? thirst not after it , youth : thirst not after it . COK. This is a braue fellow , Numps , let 's heare him . WAS. S'blood , how braue is he ? in a garded coate ? you were best trucke with him , e'en strip , and trucke presently , it will become you , why will you heare him , because he is an Asse , and may be a kinnne to the Cokeses ? COK. O , good Numps ! IVS. Neither doe thou lust after that tawney weede , tabacco . COK. Braue words ! IVS. Whose complexion is like the Indians that vents it ! COK. Are they not braue words , Sister ? IVS. And who can tell , if , before the gathering , and making vp thereof , the Alligarta hath not piss'd thereon ? WAS. Heart let 'hem be braue words ▪ as braue as they will ! and they were all the braue words in a Countrey , how then ? will you away yet ? ha'you inough on him ? Mistris Grace , come you away , I pray you , be not you accessary . If you doe lose your Licence , or somewhat else , Sir , with listning to his fables : say , Numps , is a witch , with all my heart , doe , say so . COK. Avoyd i' your sattin doublet , Numps . IVS. The creeping venome of which subtill serpent , as some late writers affirme ; neither the cutting of the perrillous plant , nor the drying of it , nor the lighting , or burning , can any way perssway or , asswage . COK. Good , i'faith ! is 't not Sister ? IVS. Hence it is , that the lungs of the Tabacconist are rotted , the Liuer spotted , the braine smoak'd like the backside of the Pig-womans Booth , here , and the whole body within , blacke , as her Pan , you saw e'en now , without . COK. A sine similitude , that , Sir ! did you see the panne ? EDG. Yes , Sir. IVS. Nay , the hole in the nose heere , of some tabacco-takers , or the third nostrill , ( if I may so call it ) which makes , that they can vent the tabacco out , like the Ace of clubs , or rather the Flower-de-lice , is caused from the tabacco , the meere tabacco ! when the poore innocent pox , hauing nothing to doe there , is miserably , and most vnconscionably slander'd . COK. Who would ha' mist this , Sister ? OVER. Not any body , but Numps . COK. He do's not vnderstand . EDG. Nor you feele . COK. What would you haue , Sister , Hee picketh his purse . of a fellow that knowes nothing but a basket-hilt , and an old Fox in 't ? the best musique i' the Fayre , will not moue a logge . EDG. In , to Vrsla , Nightingale , and carry her comfort : see it told . This fellow was sent to vs by fortune , for our first fairing . IVS. But what speake I of the diseases of the body , children of the Fayre ? COK. That 's to vs , Sister . Braue i'faith ! IVS. Harke , O , you sonnes and daughters of Smithfield ! and heare what mallady it doth the minde : It causeth swearing , it causeth swaggering , it causeth snuffling , and snarling , and now and then a hurt . OVE. He hath something of Master Ouerdo● , mee thinkes , brother . COK. So mee thought , Sister , very much of my brother Ouerdoo : And 't is , when he speakes . IVS. Looke into any Angle o' the towne , ( the Streights , or the Bermuda's ) where the quarrelling lesson is read , and how doe they entertaine the time , but with bottle-ale , and tabacco ? The Lecturer is o'one side , and his Pupils o' the other ; But the seconds are still bottle ale , and tabacco , for which the Lecturer reads , and rhe Nouices pay . Thirty pound a weeke in bo●●le-ale ! forty in tabacco ! and ten more in Ale againe . Then for a sute to drinke in , so much , and ( that being slauer'd ) so much for another sute , and then a third sute , and a fourth sute ! and still the bottle-ale slauereth , and the tabacco stinketh ! WAS. Heart of a mad-man ! are you rooted heere ? well you neuer away ? what can any man finde out in this bawling fellow , to grow heere for ? hee is a full handfull higher , sin'he heard him , will you fix heere ? and set vp a Booth ? Sir ? IVS. I will conclude briefely — WAS. Hold your peace , you roaring Rascall , I 'le runne my head i' your chaps else . You were best build a Booth , and entertaine him , make your Will , and you say the word , and him your heyre ! heart , I neuer knew one taken with a mouth of a peeke , afore . By this light , I 'le carry you away o' my backe , and you will not come . He gets him vp on pick-packe . COK. Stay Numpes , stay , set mee downe : I ha' lost my purse , Numps , O my purse ! one o' my fine purses is gone . OVER. Is 't indeed , brother ? COK. I , as I am an honest man , would I were an errant Rogue , else ! a plague of all roguy , damn'd cut-purses for me . WAS. Blesse 'hem with all my heart , with all my heart , do you see ! Now , as I am no Infidell , that I know of , I am glad on 't . I I am , ( here 's my witnesse ! ) doe you see , Sir ? I did not tell you of his fables , I ? no , no , I am a dull malt-horse , I , I know nothing . Are you not iustly seru'd i' your conscience now ? speake i' your conscience . Much good doe you with all my heart , and his good heart that has it , with all my heart againe . EDG. This fellow is very charitable , would he had a purse too ! but , I must not be too bold , all at a time . COK. Nay , Numps , it is not my best purse . WAS. Not your best ! death ! why should it be your worst ? why should it be any , indeed , at all ? answer me to that , gi'mee a reason from you , why it should be any ? COK. Nor my gold , Numps ; I ha' that yet , looke heere else , Sister . WAS. Why so , there 's all the feeling he has ! OVER. I pray you , haue a better care of that , brother . COK. Nay , so I will , I warrant you ; let him catch this , that catch can . I would ●aine see him get this , looke you heere . WAS. So , so , so , so , so , so , so , so ! Very good . COK. I would ha' him come againe , now , and but offer at it . Sister , will you take notice of a good iest ? I will put it iust where th' other was , and if we ha' good lucke , you shall see a delicate fine trap to catch the cutpurse , nibling . EDG. Faith , and he 'll trye ere you be out o' the Fayre . COK. Come , Mistresse Grace , pre'thee be not melancholy for my mis-chance ; sorrow wi'not keepe it , Sweet heart . GRA. I doe not thinke on 't , Sir. COOK . 'T was but a little scuruy white money , hang it : it may hang the cutpurse , one day . I ha' gold left to gi'thee a fayring , yet , as hard as the world goes : nothing angers me , but that no body heere , look'd like a cutpurse , vnlesse 't were Numps . WAS How ? I ? I looke like a cutpurse ? death ! your Sister 's a cutpurse ! and your mother and father , and all your kinne were cutpurses ! And here is a Rogue is the baud o' the cutpurses , whom I will beat to begin with . COK. Numps , Numps . OVER. Good Mr Humphrey . WAS. You are the Patrico ! are you ? the Patriarch of the cutpurses ? you share , Sir , they say , let them share this with you . Are you i' your hot fit of preaching againe ? I 'le coole you . IVS. Murther , murther , murther . IVS. Hold thy hand , childe of wrath , and heyre of anger , They speake all together : and Waspe beats the Iustice. make it not Childermasse day in thy fury , or the feast of the French Bartholmew , Parent of the of the Massacre . ACT. III. SCENE . I. WHIT. HAGGISE . BRISTLE . LEATHER-HEAD . TRASH . NAy , tish all gone , now ! dish tish , phen tou vilt not be phitin call , Master Offisher , phat ish a man te better to lishen out noyshes for tee , & tou art in an oder 'orld , being very shuffishient noyshes and gallantsh too , one o' their brabblesh woud haue fed vsh all dish fortnight , but tou art so bushy about beggersh stil , tou hast no leshure to intend shentlemen , and 't be . HAG. Why , I told you , Dauy Bristle . BRI. Come , come , you told mee a pudding , Toby Haggise ; A matter of nothing ; I am sure it came to nothing ! you said , let 's goe ●o Vrsla's , indeede ; but then you met the man with the monsters , and I could not get you from him . An old foole , not leaue seeing yet ? HAG. Why , who would ha' thought any body would ha' quarrell'd so earely ? or that the ale o' the Fayre would ha' beene vp so soone . WHI. Phy ? phat a clocke toest tou tinke it ish , man ? HAG. I cannot tell . WHI ▪ Tou art a vishe vatchman , i'te meane teeme . HAG. Why ? should the watch goe by the clocke , or the clock by the watch , I pray ? BRI. One should goe by another , if they did well . WHI. Tou art right now ! phen didst tou euer know , or heare of a shuffishient vatchman , but he did tell the clocke , phat bushinesse soeuer he had ? BRI. Nay , that 's most true , a sufficient watchman knowes what a clocke it is . WHI. Shleeping , or vaking ! ash well as te clocke himshelfe , or te lack dat shtrikes him ! BRI. Let 's enquire of Master Leatherhead , or Ione Trash heere . Master Leatherhead , doe you heare , Master Leatherhead ? WHI. If it be a Ledderhead , tish a very tick Ledderhead , tat sho mush noish vill not peirsh him . LEA. I haue a little businesse now , good friends doe not trouble me . WHI. Phat ? because o'ty wrought neet cap , and ty pheluet sherkin , Man ? phy ? I haue sheene tee in ty Ledder sherkin , ere now , Mashter o'de hobby-Horses , as bushy and as stately as tou sheem'st to be ▪ TRA. Why , what an' you haue , Captaine Whit ? hee has his choyce of Ierkins , you may see by that , and his caps too , I assure you , when hee pleases to be either sicke , or imploy'd . LEA. God a mercy Ione , answer for me . WHI. Away , be not sheen i' my company , here be shentlemen , and men of vorship . ACT. III. SCENE . II. QVARLOVS . WHIT. WIN-VVIFE . BVSY. IOHN . PVRE-CRAFT . WIN. KNOK . HVM . MOON-CALFE . VRSLA. WEe had wonderfull ill lucke , to misse this prologue o' the purse , but the best is , we shall haue fiue Acts of him ere night : hee 'le be spectacle enough ! I 'le answer for 't . WHI. O Creesh ! Duke Quarlous , how dosht tou ? tou dosht not know me , I feare ? I am te vishesht man , but Iustish Ouerdoo , in all Bartholmew Fayre , now . Gi' me tweluepence from tee , I vill help tee to a vife vorth forty marks for 't , and 't be . QVAR. Away , Rogue , Pimpe away . WHI. And shee shall shew tee as fine cut o'rke fort 't in her shmock too , as tou cansht vishe i'faith ; vilt tou haue her , vorshipfull Vin vife ? I vill helpe tee to her , heere , be an 't be , in te pig-quarter ▪ gi'me ty twelpence from tee , WIN-W. Why , there 's twelpence , pray thee wilt thou be gone . WHI , Tou art a vorthy man , and a vorshipfull man still . QVAR. Get you gone , Rascall . WHI. I doe meane it , man. Prinsh Quarlous if tou has●t need on me , tou shalt finde me heere , at Vrsla's , I vill see phat ale , and punque ish i'te pigshty , for tee , blesse ty good vorship . QVAR. Looke ! who comes heere ! Iohn Little-wit ! WIN-W. And his wife , and my widdow , her mother : the whole family . QVAR. 'Slight , you must gi 'hem all fairings , now ! WIN-W. Not I , I 'le not see 'hem , QVAR. They are going a feasting . What Schole-master 's that ●s with ' hem ? WIN-W. That 's my Riuall , I beleeue , the Baker ! BVS. So , walke on in the middle way , fore-right , turne neyther to the right hand , nor to the left : let not your eyes be drawne aside with vanity , nor your eare with noyses . QVAR. O , I know him by that start ! LEA. What do you lack ? what do you buy , pretty Mistris ! a fine Hobby-Horse , to make your sonne a Tilter ? a Drum to make him a Souldier ? a Fiddle , to make him a Reueller ? What is 't you lack ? Little Dogs for your Daughters ! or Babies , male , or female ? BVS. Look not toward them , harken not : the place is Smithfield , or the field of Smiths , the Groue of Hobbi-horses and trinkets , the wares are the wares of diuels . And the whole Fayre is the shop of Satan ! They are hooks , and baites , very baites , that are hung out on euery side , to catch you , and to hold you as it were , by the gills ; and by the nostrills , as the Fisher doth : therefore , you must not looke , nor turne toward them — The Heathen man could stop his eares with wax , against the harlot o' the sea : Doe you the like , with your fingers against the bells of the Beast . WIN-W. What flashes comes from him ! QVAR. O , he has those of his ouen ! a notable hot Baker 't was , when hee ply'd the peele : hee is leading his flocke into the Fayre , now . WIN-W. Rather driuing 'hem to the Pens : for he will let 'hem looke vpon nothing . KNO. Gentlewomen , the weather 's hot ! whither walke you ? Haue a care o' your fine veluet caps , the Fayre is dusty . Take a sweet delicate Booth , Little-wit is gazing at the signe ; which is the Pigs-head with a large writing vnder it . with boughs , here , i the way , and coole your selues i' the shade : you and your friends . The best pig and bottle-ale i' the Fayre , Sir. Old Vrsla is Cooke , there you may read : the pigges head speakes it . Poore soule , shee has had a Sringhalt , the Maryhinchco : but shee 's prettily amended . WHI. A delicate show-pig , little Mistris , with shweet sauce , and crackling , like de bay-leafe I 'de fire , la ! Tou shalt ha' de cleane side o'de table-clot and di glass vash'd with phatersh of Dame Annessh Cleare . IOH. This 's sine , verily , here be the best pigs : and shee doe's roast 'hem as well as euer she did ; the Pigs head sayes . KNO. Excellent , excellent , Mistris , with fire o' Iuniper and Rosemary branches ! The Oracle of the Pigs head , that , Sir. PVR. Sonne , were you not warn'd of the vanity of the eye ? haue you forgot the wholesome admonition , so soone ? IOH. Good mother , how shall we finde a pigge , if we doe not looke about for 't ? will it run off o' the spit , into our mouths thinke you ? as in Lubberland ? and cry , we , we ? BVS. No , but your mother , religiously wise , conceiueth it may offer it selfe , by other meanes , to the sense , as by way of steeme which I thinke it doth , here in this place ( Huh , huh ) yes , it doth . and it were a sinne of obstinacy , Busy sents after it like a Hound . great obstinacy , high and horrible obstinacy , to decline , or resist the good titillation of the famelick sense , which is the smell . Therefore be bold ( huh , huh , huh ) follow the sent . Enter the Tents of the vncleane , for once , and satisfie your wiues frailty . Let your fraile wife be satisfied : your zealous mother , and my suffering selfe , will also be satisfied . IOH. Come , Win , as good winny here , as goe farther , and see nothing . BVS. Wee scape so much of the other vanities , by our earely entring . PVR. It is an aedifying consideration . WIN. This is scuruy , that wee must come into the Fayre , and not looke on 't . IOH. Win , haue patience , Win , I 'le tell you more anon . KNO. Moone-calfe , entertaine within there , the best pig i' the Booth ; a Porklike pig . These are Banbury-bloods , o' the sincere stud , come a pigge-hunting . Whit , wait Whit , looke to your charge . BVS. A pigge prepare , presently , let a pigge be prepared to vs. MOo. S'light , who be these ? VRS. Is this the good seruice , Iordan , you 'ld doe me ? KNO. Why , Vrs ? why , Vrs ? thou 'lt ha' vapours i' thy legge againe presently , pray thee go in , 't may turne to the scratches else . VRS. Hang your vapours , they are stale , and stinke like you , are these the guests o' the game , you promis'd to fill my pit withall , to day ? KNO. I● what aile they Vrs ? VRS. Aile they ? they are all sippers , sippers o' the City , they looke as they would not drinke off two penn'orth of bottle-ale amongst ' hem . MOO. A body may read that i' their small printed ruffes . KNO. Away , thou art a foole , Vrs , and thy Moone-calfe too , i' your ignorant vapours , now ? hence , good guests , I say right hypocrites , good gluttons . In , and set a couple o'pigs o' the board , and halfe a dozen of the biggest bottles afore 'hem , and call Whit , I doe not loue to heare Innocents abus'd : Fine ambling hypocrites ! and a stone-puritane , with a sorrell head , and beard , good mouth'd gluttons : two to a pigge , away . VRS. Are you sure they are such ? KNO. O' the right breed , thou shalt try 'hem by the teeth , Vrs , where 's this Whit ? WHI. Behold , man and see , what a worthy man am ee ! With the fury of my sword , and the shaking of my beard , I will make ten thousand men afeard . KNO. Well said , braue Whit , in , and feare the ale out o' the bottles , into the bellies of the brethren , and the sisters drinke to the cause , and pure vapours . QVAR. My Roarer is turn'd Tapster , mee thinks . Now were a fine time for thee , Win-wife , to lay aboard thy widdow , thou 'lt neuer be Master of a better season , or place ; shee that will venture her selfe into the Fayre , and a pig-boxe , will admit any assault , be assur'd of that . WIN. I loue not enterprises of that suddennesse , though . QVAR. I 'le warrant thee , then , no wife out o' the widdowes Hundred : if I had but as much Title to her , as to haue breath'd once on that streight stomacher of hers , I would now assure my selfe to carrry her , yet , ere shewent out of Smithfield . Or she should carry me , which were the fitter sight , I confesse . But you are a modest vndertaker , by circumstances , and degrees ; come , 't is Disease in thee , not Iudgement , I should offer at all together . Looke , here 's the poore foole , againe , that was stung by the waspe , ere while . ACT. III. SCENE . III. IVSTICE . WIN-WIFE . QVARLOVS . I will make no more orations , shall draw on these tragicall conclusions . And I begin now to thinke , that by a spice of collaterall Iustice , Adam Ouerdoo , deseru'd this beating ; for I the said Adam , was one cause ( a by-cause ) why the purse was lost : and my wiues brothers purse too , which they know not of yet . But I shall make very good mirth with it , at supper , ( that will be the sport ) and put my little friend , Mr Humphrey Wasp's choler quite out of countenance . When , sitting at the vpper end o' my Table , as I vse , & drinking to my brother Cokes , and Mrs . Alice Ouerdoo , as I wil , my wife , for their good affectiō to old Bradley , I deliuer to'hem , it was I , that was cudgell'd , and shew 'hem the marks . To see what bad euents may peepe out o' the taile of good purposes ! the care I had of that ciuil yong man , I tooke fancy to this morning , ( and haue not left it yet ) drew me to that exhortation , which drew the company , indeeede , which drew the ●ut-purse ; which drew the money ; which drew my brother Cokes his losse ; which drew on Wasp's anger ; which drew on my beating : a pretty gradation ! And they shall ha' it i' their dish , i'faith , at night for fruit : I loue to be merry at my Table . I had thought once , at one speciall blow he ga'me , to haue reuealed my selfe ? but then ( I thank thee fortitude ) I remembred that a wise man ( and who is euer so great a part , o' the Common-wealth in himselfe ) for no particular disaster ought to abandon a publike good designe . The husbandman ought not for one vnthankful yeer , to forsake the plough ; The Shepheard ought not , for one scabb'd sheep , to throw by his tar-boxe ; The Pilot ought not for one leake i' the poope , to quit the Helme ; Nor the Alderman ought not for one custerd more , at a meale , to giue vp his cloake ; The Constable ought not to breake his staffe , and forsweare the watch , for one roaring night ; Nor the Piper o' the Parish ( Vt paruis componere magna solebam ) to put vp his pipes , for one rainy Sunday . These are certaine knocking conclusions ; out of which , I am resolu'd , come what come can , come beating , come imprisonment , come infamy , come banishment , nay , come the rack , come the hurdle , ( welcome all ) I will not discouer who I am , till my due time ; and yet still , all shall be , as I said euer , in Iustice name , and the King 's , and for the Common-wealth . WIN. What doe's he talke to himselfe , and act so seriously ? poore foole ! QVAR. No matter what . Here 's fresher argument , intend that . ACT. III. SCENE . IIIJ. COKES . LEATHERHEAD . WASPE. Mistresse OVERDOO . WIN-VVIFE . QVARLOVS . TRASH . GRACE . COme , Mistresse Grace , come Sister , heere 's more fine sights , yet i'faith . God 's ' lid where 's Numps ? LEA. What doe you lacke , Gentlemen ? what is 't you buy ? fine Rattles ! Drummes ? Babies ? little Dogges ? and Birds for Ladies ? What doe you lacke ? COK. Good honest Numpes , keepe afore , I am so afraid thou 'lt lose somewhat : my heart was at my mouth , when I mist thee . WAS. You were best buy a whip i' your hand to driue me . COK. Nay , doe not mistake , Numps , thou art so apt to mistake : I would but watch the goods . Looke you now , the treble fiddle , was e'en almost like to be lost . WAS. Pray you take heede you lose not your selfe : your best way , were e'en get vp , and ride for more surety . Buy a tokens worth of great pinnes , to fasten your selfe to my shoulder . LEA. What doe you lacke , Gentlemen ? fine purses , pouches , pincases , pipes ? What is 't you lacke ? a paire o'smithes to wake you i' the morning ? or a fine whistling bird ? COK. Numps , here be finer things then any we ha' bought by oddes ! and more delicate horses , a great deale ! good Numpes , stay ▪ and come hither . WAS. Will you scourse with him ? you are in Smithfield , you may fit your selfe with a fine easy-going street-nag , for your saddle again ' Michaelmasse-terme , doe , has he ne'er a little odde cart for you , to make a Carroch on , i' the countrey , with foure pyed hobbyhorses ? why the meazills , should you stand heere , with your traine , cheaping of Dogges , Birds , and Babies ? you ha' no children to bestow 'hem on ? ha' you ? COK. No , but again ' I ha' children , Numps , that 's all one . WAS. Do , do , do , do ; how many shall you haue , think you ? an' I were as you , I 'ld buy for all my Tenants , too , they are a kind o'ciuill Sauages , that wil part with their children for rattles , pipes , and kniues . You were best buy a hatchet , or two , & truck with ' hem . COK. Good Numps , hold that little tongue o' thine , and saue it a labour . I am resolute Bat , thou know'st . WAS. A resolute foole , you are , I know , and a very sufficient Coxcombe ; with all my heart ; nay you haue it , Sir , and you be angry , turd i' your teeth , twice : ( if I said it not once afore ) and much good doe you . WIN. Was there euer such a selfe-affliction ? and so impertinent ? QVAR. Alas ! his care will goe neere to cracke him , let 's in , and comfort him . WAS. Would I had beene set i' the ground , all but the head on me , and had my braines bowl'd at , or thresh'd out , when first I vnderwent this plague of a charge ! QVAR. How now , Numps ! almost tir'd i' your Protectorship ? ouerparted ? ouerparted ? WAS. Why , I cannot tell , Sir , it may be I am , dos't grieue you ? QVAR. No , I sweare dos't not , Numps : to satisfie you . WAS. Numps ? S'blood , you are fine and familiar ! how long ha' wee bin acquainted , I pray you ? QVAR. I thinke it may be remembred , Numps , that ? 't was since morning sure . WAS. Why , I hope I know 't well enough , Sir , I did not aske to be told . QVAR. No ? why then ? WAS. It 's no matter why , you see with your eyes , now , what I said to you to day ? you 'll beleeue me another time ? QVAR. Are you remouing the Fayre , Numps ? WAS. A pretty question ! and a very ciuill one ! yes faith , I ha' my lading you see ; or shall haue anon , you may know whose beast I am , by my burthen . If the pannier-mans Iacke were euer better knowne by his loynes of mutton , I 'le be flead , and feede dogs for him , when his time comes . WIN. How melancholi ' Mistresse Grace is yonder ! pray thee let 's goe enter our selues in Grace , with her . COK , Those sixe horses , friend I 'le haue — WAS. How ! COK. And the three Iewes trumps ; and halfe a dozen o'Birds , and that Drum , ( I haue one Drumme already ) and your Smiths ; I like that deuice ▪ o' your smiths , very pretty well , and foure Halberts — and ( le'me see ) that fine painted great Lady , and her three women for state , I 'le haue . WAS. No , the shop ; buy the whole shop , it will be best , the shop , the shop ! LEA. If his worship please . WAS. Yes , and keepe it during the Fayre , Bobchin . COK. Peace , Numps , friend , doe not meddle with him , an' you be wise , and would shew your head aboue board : hee will sting thorow your wrought night-cap , beleeue me . A set of these Violines , I would buy too , for a delicate young noise I haue i' the countrey , that are euery one a size lesse then another , iust like your fiddles . I would faine haue a fine young Masque at my marriage , now I thinke on 't : but I doe want such a number o'things . And Numps will not helpe me now , and I dare not speake to him . TRA. Will your worship buy any ginger-bread , very good bread , comfortable bread ? COK. Ginger-bread ! yes , let 's see . WAS. There 's the tother sprindge ? He runnes to her shop . LEA. Is this well , goody Ione ? to interrupt my market ? in the midst ? and call away my customers ? can you answer this , at the Piepouldres ? TRA. Why ? if his Master-ship haue a minde to buy , I hope my ware lies as open as another's ; I may shew my ware , as well as you yours . COK. Hold your peace ; I 'le content you both : I 'le buy vp his shop , and thy basket . WAS. Will you i'faith ? LEA. Why should you put him from it , friend ? WAS. Cry you mercy ! you 'ld be sold too , would you ? what 's the price on you ? Ierkin , and all as you stand ? ha' you any qualities ? TRA. Yes , good-man angry-man , you shall finde he has qualities , if you cheapen him . WAS. Gods so , you ha' the selling of him ! what are they ? will they be bought for loue , or money ? TRA. No indeed , Sir. WAS. For what then ? victualls ? TRA. He scornes victuals , Sir , he has bread and butter at home , thanks be to God! and yet he will do more for a good meale , if the toy take him i' the belly , mary then they must not set him at lower end ; if they do , he 'll goe away , though he fast . But put him a top o' the Table , where his place is , and hee 'll doe you forty fiue things . Hee has not been sent for , and sought out for nothing , at your great citty-suppers , to put downe Coriat , and Cokeley , and bin laught at for his labour ; he 'll play you all the Puppets i' the towne ouer , and the Players , euery company , and his owne company too ; he spares no body ! COK. I'faith ? TRA. Hee was the first , Sir , that euer baited the fellow i' the beare's skin , an 't like your worship : no dog euer came neer him , since . And for fine motions ! COK. Is hee good at those too ? can hee set out a Masque trow ? TRA. O Lord , Master ! sought to farre , and neere , for his inuentions : and hee engrosses all , hee makes all the Puppets i' the Fayre . COK. Do'st thou ( in troth ) old veluet Ierkin ▪ giue mee thy hand . TRA. Nay , Sir , you shall see him in his veluet Ierkin , and a scarfe , too , at night , when you heare him interpret Master Littlewit's Motion . COK. Speake no more , but shut vp shop presently , friend . I 'le buy both it , and thee too , to carry downe with me , and he● hamper , beside . Thy shop shall furnish out the Masque , and hers the Banquet : I cannot goe lesse , to set out any thing with credit ▪ what 's the price , at a word , o' thy whole shop , case , and all as it stands ? LEA. Sir , it stands me in sixe and twenty shillings seuen pence , halfe-peny , besides three shillings for my ground . COK. Well , thirty shillings will doe all , then ! And what comes yours too ? TRA. Foure shillings , and eleauen pence , Sir , ground , and all , an 't like your worship . COK. Yes , it do's like my worship very well , poore woman , that 's fiue shillings more , what a Masque shall I furnish out , for forty shillings ? ( twenty pound scotsh ) and a Banquet of Ginger-bread ? there 's a stately thing ! Numps ? Sister ? and my wedding gloues too ? ( that I neuer thought on afore . ) All my wedding gloues , Ginger-bread ? O me ! what a deuice will there be ? to make 'hem eate their fingers ends ! and delicate Brooches for the Bride-men ! and all ! and then I 'le h● ' this poesie put to 'hem : For the best grace , meaning Mistresse Grace , my wedding poesie . GRA. I am beholden to you , Sir , and to your Bartholmew-wit . WAS. You doe not meane this , doe you ? is this your first purchase ? COK. Yes faith , and I doe not thinke , Numpes , but thou 'lt say , it was the wisest Act , that euer I did in my wardship . WAS. Like inough ! I shall say any thing . I ! ACT. III. SCENE . V. IVSTICE . EDGVVORTH . NIGHTINGALE . I Cannot beget a Proiect , with all my politicall braine , yet ; my Proiect is how to fetch off this proper young man , from his debaucht company : I haue followed him all the Fayre ouer , and still I finde him with this songster : And I begin shrewdly to suspect their familiarity ; and the young man of a terrible taint , Poetry ! with which idle disease , if he be infected , there 's no hope of him , in a state-course . Actum est , of him for a common-wealths-man : i● hee goe to 't in Rime , once . EDG. Yonder he is buying o'Ginger-bread : set in quickly , be●fore he part wirh too much on his money . NIG. My masters and friends , and good people , draw neere , &c. COK. Ballads ! harke , harke ! pray thee , fellow , stay a little , He runn's ●● the Ballad man. good Numpes , looke to the goods . What Ballads hast thou ? let me see , let me see my selfe . WAS. Why so ! hee 's flowne to another lime-bush , there he will flutter as long more ; till hee ha' ne'r a feather left . Is there a vexation like this , Gentlemen ? will you beleeue mee now , hereafter ? shall I haue credit with you ? QVAR. Yes faith , shalt thou , Numps , and thou art worthy on 't , for thou sweatest for 't . I neuer saw a young Pimpe errant , and his Squire better match'd . WIN-W. Faith , the sister comes after 'hem , well , too . GRA. Nay , if you saw the Iustice her husband , my Guardian , you were fitted for the Messe , hee is such a wise one his way — WIN-W. I wonder , wee see him not heere . GRA. O! hee is too serious for this place , and yet better sport then then the other three , I assure you , Gentlemen : where ere he is , though 't be o' the Bench. COK. How dost thou call it ! A caueat against cutpurses ! a good iest , i'faith , I would faine see that Daemon , your Cutpurse , you talke of , that delicate handed Diuell ; He show's his purse boastingly . they say he walkes hereabout ; I would see him walke , now . Looke you sister , here , here , let him come , sister , and welcome . Ballad-man , do's any cutpurses haunt hereabout ? pray thee raise me one or two ▪ beginne and shew me one . NIG. Sir , this is a spell against 'hem , spicke and span new ; and 't is made as 't were in mine owne person , and I sing it in mine owne defence . But 't will cost a penny alone , if you buy it . COK. No matter for the price , thou dost not know me , I see , I am an odd Bartholmew . OVE. Ha'st a fine picture , Brother ? COK. O Sister , doe you remember the ballads ouer the Nursery-chimney at home o' my owne pasting vp , there be braue pictures . Other manner of pictures , than these , friend . WAS. Yet these will serue to picke the pictures out o' your pockets , you shall see . COK. So , I heard 'hem say . Pray thee mind him not , fellow : hee 'll haue an oare in euery thing . NIG. It was intended Sir , as if a purse should chance to be cut in my presence , now , I may be blamelesse , though : as by the sequell , will more plainely appeare . COK. We shall find that i' the matter . Pray thee begin . NIG. To the tune of Paggingtons Pound , Sir. COK. Fa , la la la , la la la , fa la la la. Nay , I 'll put thee in tune , and all ! mine owne country dance ! Pray thee begin . NIG. It is a gentle admonition , you must know , Sir , both to the purse-cutter , and the purse-bearer . COK. Not a word more , out o' the tune , an' thou lou'st mee : Fa , la la la , la la la , fa la la la. Come , when ? NIG. My masters and friends , and good people draw neere , And looke to your purses , for that I doe say ; COK. Ha , ha , this chimes ! good counsell at first dash . NIG. And though little money , in them you doe beare . It cost more to get , then to lose in a day . COK. Good ! You oft haue beene told , Both the young and the old ; And bidden beware of the cutpurse so bold : COK. Well said ! hee were to blame that wold not i'faith . Then if you take heed not , free me from the curse , Who both giue you warning , for and , the cutpurse . Youth , youth , thou hadst better bin staru'd by thy Nurse , Then liue to be hanged for cutting a purse . COK. Good i'faith , how say you , Numps ? Is there any harme i'th is ? NIG. It hath bin vpbrayded to men of my trade , That oftē times we are the cause of this crime . COK. The more coxcōbes they that did it , I wusse . Alacke and for pitty , why should it be said ? As if they regarded or places , or time . Examples haue been Of some that were seen , In Westminster Hall , yea the pleaders between , Then why should the Iudges be free from this curse , More then my poore selfe , for cutting the purse ? COK. God a mercy for that ! why should they be more free indeede ? Youth , youth , thou hadst better bin staru'd by the Nurse , Then liue to be hanged for cutting a purse . COK. That againe , good Ballad-man , that againe . O rare ! I would faine rubbe mine elbow now , but I dare not pull out my hand . On , I pray thee , hee that made this ballad , shall be Poet to my Masque . He sings the burden with him . NIG. At Worc'ter 't is knowne well , and euen i' the Iayle , A Knight of good worship did there shew his face , Against the foule sinners , in zeale for to rayle , And lost ( ipso facto ) his purse in the place . COK. Is it possible ? Nay , once from the Seat Of Iudgement so great , A Iudge there did lose a faire pouch of veluete . COK. I'faith ? O Lord for thy mercy , how wicked or worse , Are those that so venture their necks for a purse ! Youth , youth , &c. COK. Youth , youth , & c ? pray thee stay a little , friend , yet o' thy conscience , Numps , speake , is there any harme i'th is ? WAS. To tell you true , 't is too good for you , lesse you had grace to follow it . IVS. It doth discouer enormitie , I 'le marke it more : I ha'not lik'd a paltry piece of poetry , so well a good while . COK. Youth , youth , & c ! where 's this youth , now ? A man must call vpon him , for his owne good , and yet hee will not appeare : looke here , here 's for him , handy-dandy , Hee shewes his purse . which hand will he haue ? On , I pray there , with the rest , I doe heare of him , but I cannot see him , this Master Youth , the cutpurse . NIG. At Playes and at Sermons , and at the Sessions , 'T is daily their practice such booty to make : Yea , vnder the Gallowes , at Executions , They sticke not the Stare-abouts purses to take . Nay one without-grace , at a better place , COK. That was a fine fellow ! I would haue him , now . At Court , & in Christmas , before the Kings face , Alacke then for pitty must I beare the curse , That onely belongs to the cunning cutpurse ? COK. But where 's their cunning , now , when they should vse it ? they are all chain'd now , I warrant you . Youth , youth , thou hadst better , &c. The Rat-catchers charme , are all fooles and Asses to this ! A poxe on 'hem , that they will not come ! that a man should haue such a desire to a thing , and want it . QVAR. 'Fore God , I 'ld giue halfe the Fayre , and 't were mine , for a cutpurse for him , to saue his longing . COK. Looke you Sister , heere , heere , where is 't now ? Hee shewes his purse againe . which pocket is 't in ? for a wager ? WAS. I beseech you leaue your wagers , and let him end his matter , an 't may be . COK. O , are you aedified Numps ? IVS. Indeed hee do's interrupt him , too much : There Numps spoke to purpose . COK. againe . Sister , I am an Asse , I cannot keepe my purse : on , on ; I pray thee , friend . NIG. But O , you vile nation of cutpurses all , Relent and repent , and amend and be sound , Edgworth gets vp to him , and tickles him in the care with a straw twice to draw his hand out of his pocket . And know that you ought not , by honest mens fall , Aduance your owne fortunes , to die aboue ground , And though you goe gay , In silkes as you may , It is not the high way to heauen , ( as they say ) Repent then , repent you , for better , for worse : And kisse not the Gallowes for cutting a purse . Youth , youth , thou hadst better bin steru'd by thy Nurse , Then liue to be hanged for cutting a purse . WINW. Will you see sport ? looke , there 's a fellow gathers vp to him , marke . QVA. Good , ' i faith● ô he has lighted on the wrōg pocket . WINW. He has it , 'fore God hee is a braue fellow ; pitty hee should be detected . ALL An excellent ballad ! an excellent ballad ! EDG. Friend , let mee ha' the first , let mee ha' the first , I pray you . COK. Pardon mee , Sir. First come , first seru'd ; and I 'le buy the whole bundle too . WIN. That conueyance was better then all , did you see 't ? he has giuen the purse to the ballad-singer . QVAR. Has hee ? EDG. Sir , I cry you mercy ; I 'le not hinder the poore mans profit : pray you mistake me not . COK. Sir , I take you for an honest Gentleman ; if that be mistaking , I met you to day afore : ha ! humh ! O God! my purse is gone , my purse , my purse , &c. WAS. Come , doe not make a stirre , and cry your selfe an Asse , thorow the Fayre afore your time . COK. Why , hast thou it , Numpes ? good Numpes , how came you by it ? I mar'le ! WAS. I pray you seeke some other gamster , to play the foole with : you may lose it time enough , for all your Fayre-wit . COK. By this good hand , gloue and all , I ha' lost it already , if thou hast it not : feele else , and Mistris Grace's handkercher , too , out o' the tother pocket . WAS. Why , 't is well ; very well , exceeding pretty , and well . EDG. Are you sure you ha' lost it , Sir ? COK. O God! yes ; as I am an honest man , I had it but e'en now , at youth , youth . NIG. I hope you suspect not me , Sir. EDG. Thee ? that were a iest indeede ! Dost thou thinke the Gentleman is foolish ? where hadst thou hands , I pray thee ? Away Asse , away . IVS. I shall be beaten againe , if I be spi'd . EDG. Sir , I suspect an odde fellow , yonder , is stealing away . OVE. Brother , it is the preaching fellow ! you shall suspect him . He was at your tother purse , you know ! Nay , stay , Sir , and view the worke you ha' done , an'you be benefie'd at the Gallowes , and preach there , thanke your owne handy-worke . COK. Sir , you shall take no pride in your preferment : you shall be silenc'd quickly . IVS. What doe you meane ? sweet buds of gentility . COK. To ha' my peneworths out on you : Bud. No lesse then two purses a day , serue you ? I thought you a simple fellow , when my man Numpes beate you , i' the morning , and pittied you — OVE. So did I , I 'll besworne , brother ; but now I see hee is a lewd , and pernicious Enormity : ( as Master Ouerdoo calls him . ) IVS. Mine owne words turn'd vpon mee , like swords . COK. Cannot a man's purse be at quiet for you , i' the Masters pocket , but you must intice it forth , and debauch it ? WAS. Sir , Sir , keepe your debauch , and your fine Bartholmew-termes to your selfe ; and make as much on 'hem as you please . But gi'me this from you , i' the meane time : I beseech you , see if I can looke to this . Wasp takes the Licence from him . COK. Why , Numps ? WAS. Why ? because you are an Asse , Sir , there 's a reason the shortest way , and you will needs ha' it ; now you ha' got the tricke of losing , you 'ld lose your breech , an 't 't were loose . I know you , Sir , come , deliuer , you 'll goe and cracke the vermine , you breed now , will you ? 't is very fine , will you ha' the truth on 't ? they are such retchlesse flies as you are , that blow cutpurses abroad in euery corner ; your foolish hauing of money , makes ' hem . An' there were no wiser then I , Sir , the trade should lye open for you , Sir , it should i'faith , Sir. I would teach your wit to come to your head , Sir , as well as your land to come into your hand , I assure you , Sir. WIN. Alacke , good Numps . WAS. Nay , Gentlemen , neuer pitty mee , I am not worth it : Lord send me at home once , to Harrow o' the Hill againe , if I trauell any more , call me Coriat ; withall my heart . QVAR. Stay , Sir , I must haue a word with you in priuate . Doe you heare ? EDG. With me , Sir ? what 's your pleasure ? good Sir. QVAR. Doe not deny it . You are a cutpurse , Sir , this Gentleman here , and I , saw you , nor doe we meane to detect you ( though we can sufficiently informe our selues , toward the danger of concealing you ) but you must doe vs a piece of seruice . EDG. Good Gentlemen , doe not vndoe me ; I am a ciuill young man , and but a beginner , indeed . QVAR. Sir , your beginning shall bring on your ending , for vs. We are no Catchpoles nor Constables . That you are to vndertake , is this ; you saw the old fellow , with the bl●cke boxe , here ? EDG. The little old Gouernour , Sir ? QVAR. That same : I see , you haue flowne him to a marke already . I would ha'you get away that boxe from him , and bring it vs. EDG. Would you ha' the boxe and all , Sir ? or onely that , that is in 't ? I 'le get you that , and leaue him the boxe , to play with still : ( which will be the harder o' the two ) because I would gaine your worships good opinion of me . WIN-W. He sayes well , 't is the greater Mastry , and 't will make the more sport when 't is mist. EDG. I , and 't will be the longer a missing , to draw on the sport . QVAR. But looke you doe it now , sirrah , and keepe your word : or — EDG. Sir , if euer I breake my word , with a Gentleman , may I neuer read word at my need . Where shall I find you ? QVAR. Some-where i'the Fayre , heereabouts . Dispatch it quickly . I would faine see the carefull foole deluded ! of all Beasts , I loue the serious Asse . He that takes paines to be one , and playes the foole , with the greatest diligence that can be . GRA. Then you would not chose , Sir , but loue my Guardian , Iustice Ouerdo● , who is answerable to that description , in euery haire of him . QVAR. So I haue heard . But how came you , Mistis Welborne , to be his Ward ? or haue relation to him , at first ? GRA. Faith , through a common calamity , he bought me , Sir ; and now he will marry me to his wiues brother , this wise Gentleman , that you see , or else I must pay value o' my land QVAR. S'lid , is there no deuice of disparagement ? or so ? talke with some crafty fellow , some picklocke o' the Law ! Would I had studied a yeere longer i' the Innes of Court , and 't had beene but i' your case . WIN-W. I Master Quarlous , are you proffering ? GRA. You 'ld bring but little ayde , Sir. WIN-W. ( I 'le looke to you 'ifaith , Gamster . ) An vnfortunate foolish Tribe you are falne into , Lady , I wonder you can endure ' hem . GRA. Sir , they that cannot worke their fetters off ; must weare ' hem . WINW. You see what care they haue on you , to leaue you thus . GRA. Faith the same they haue of themselues , Sir. I cannot greatly complaine , if this were all the plea I had against ' hem . WIN. 'T is true ! but will you please to withdraw with vs , a little , and make them thinke , they haue lost you . I hope our manners ha' beene such hitherto , and our language , as will giue you no cause , to doubt your selfe , in our company . GRA. Sir , I will giue my selfe , no cause ; I am so secure of mine owne manners , as I suspect not yours . QVAR. Looke where Iohn Little-wit comes . WIN-W. Away , I 'le not be seene , by him . QVAR. No , you were not best , hee 'ld tell his mother , the widdow . WIN W. Heatt , what doe you meane ? QVAR. Cry you mercy , is the winde there ? must not the widdow be nam'd ? ACT. III SCENE . VI. IOHN . WIN. TRASH . LEATHERHEAD . KNOCKHVM . BVSY. PVRE CRAFT . DOe you heare Win , Win ? WIN. What say you , Iohn ? IOH. While they are paying the reckoning , Win , I 'll tell you a thing Win , wee shall neuer see any sights i' the Fayre , Win , except you long still , Win , good Win , sweet Win , long to see some Hobby-horses , and some Drummes , and Rattles , and Dogs , and fine deuices , Win. The Bull with the fiue legs , Win ; and the great Hog : now you ha' begun with Pigge , you may long for any thing , Win , and so for my Motion , Win. WIN. But we sha'not eat o' the Bull , and the Hogge , Iohn , how shall I long then ? IOH. O yes ! Win : you may long to see , as well as to taste , Win : how did the Pothecarie's wife , Win , that long'd to see the Anatomy , Win ? or the Lady , Win , that desir'd to spit i' the great Lawyers mouth , after an eloquent pleading ? I assure you they long'd , VVin , good Win , goe in , and long . TRA. I think we are rid of our new customer , brother Leather-head , wee shall heare no more of him . They plot to be gone . LEA. All the better , let 's packe vp all , and be gone , before he finde vs TRA. Stay a little , yonder comes a company : it may be wee may take some more money . KNO , Sir , I will take your counsell , and cut my haire , and leaue vapours : I see , that Tabacco , and Bottle-Ale , and Pig , and Whit , and very Vrsla , her selfe , is all vanity . BVS. Onely Pigge was not comprehended in my admonition , the rest were . For long haire , it is an Ensigne of pride , a banner , and the world is full of those banners , very full of Banners . And , bottle-ale is a drinke of Sathan's , a diet-drinke of Sathans , deuised to puffe vs vp , and make vs swell in this latter age of vanity , as the smoake of tabacco , to keepe vs in mist and error : But the fleshly woman , ( which you call Vrsla ) is aboue all to be auoyded , hauing the marks vpon her , of the three enemies of Man , the World , as being in the Faire ; the Deuill , as being in the fire ; and and the Flesh , as being her selfe . PVR. Brother Zeale-of-the land ! what shall we doe ? my daughter Win-the-fight , is falne into her fit of longing againe . BVS. For more pig ? there is no more , is there ? PVR. To see some sights , i' the Faire . BVS. Sister , let her fly the impurity of the place , swiftly , lest shee partake of the pitch thereof . Thou art the seate of the Beast , O Smithfield , and I will leaue thee . Idolatry peepeth out on euery side of thee . KNO. An excellent right Hypocrite ! now his belly is full , he falls a railing and kicking , the Iade . A very good vapour ! I 'll in , and ioy Vrsla , with telling , how her pigge works , two and a halfe he eate to his share . And he has drunke a pailefull . He eates with his eyes , as well as his teeth . LEA. What doe you lack , Gentlemen ? What is 't you buy ? Rattles , Drumms , Babies . — BVS. Peace , with thy Apocryphall wares , thou prophane Publican : thy Bells , thy Dragons , and thy Tobie's Dogges . Thy Hobby-horse is an Idoll , a very Idoll , a feirce and rancke Idoll : And thou , the Nabuchadnezzar , the proud Nabuchadnezzar of the Faire , that set'st it vp , for children to fall downe to , and worship . LEA. Cry you mercy , Sir , will you buy a fiddle to fill vp your noise . IOH. Looke Win. doe , looke a Gods name , and saue your longing . Here be fine sights . PVR. I child , so you hate 'hem , as our Brother Zeale do's , you may looke on ' hem . LEA. Or what do you say , to a Drumme . Sir ? BVS. It is the broken belly of the Beast , and thy Bellowes there are his lungs , and these Pipes are his throate , those Feathers are of his taile , and thy Rattles , the gnashing of his teeth . TRA. And what 's my ginger-bread ? I pray you . BVS. The prouander that pricks him vp . Hence with thy basket of Popery , thy nest of Images : and whole legend of ginger-worke . LEA. Sir if you be not quiet , the quicklier , I 'll ha'you clapp'd fairely by the heeles , for disturbing the Faire . BVS. The sinne of the Faire prouokes me , I cannot bee silent . PVR. Good brother Zeale ! LEA. Sir , I 'll make you silent , beleeue it . IOH. I l'd giue a shilling , you could i'faith , friend . LEA. Sir , giue me your shilling , I 'll giue you my shop , if I do not , and I 'll leaue it in pawne with you , i' the meane time . IOH. A match i'faith , but do it quickly , then . BVS. Hinder me not , woman . I was mou'd in spirit , He speakes to the widdow . to bee here , this day , in this Faire , this wicked , and foule Faire ; and fitter may it be a called a foule , then a Faire : To protest against the abuses of it , the foule abuses of it , in regard of the afflicted Saints , that are troubled , very much troubled , exceedingly troubled , with the opening of the merchandize of Babylon againe , & the peeping of Popery vpon the stals , here , here , in the high places . See you not Goldylocks , the purple strumpet , there ? in her yellow gowne , and greene sleeues ? the prophane pipes , the tinckling timbrells ? A shop of reliques ! IOH. Pray you forbeare , I am put in trust with ' hem . BVS. And this Idolatrous Groue of Images , this flasket of Idols ! Ouerthrows the ginger-bread . which I will pull downe — ( TRA. O my ware , my ware , God blesse it . ) BVS. In my zeale , and glory to be thus exercis'd . LEA. Here he is , pray you lay hold on his zeale , wee cannot sell a whistle , for him , in tune . Stop his noyse , first ! BVS. Thou canst not : 't is a sanctified noise . Leather-head enters with officers I will make a loud and most strong noise , till I haue daunted the prophane enemy . And for this cause . — LEA. Sir , heer 's no man afraid of you , or your cause . You shall sweare it , i' the stocks , Sir. BVS. I will thrust my selfe into the stocks , vpon the pikes of the Land. LEA. Carry him away . PVR. What doe you meane , wicked men ? BVS. Let them alone ; I feare them not . IOH. Was not this shilling well ventur'd , Win ? for our liberty ? Now we may goe play , and see ouer the Fayre , where we list our selues ; my mother is gone after him , and let her ee'n go , and loose vs. WIN. Yes Iohn , but I know not what to doe . IOH. For what , Win ? WIN. For a thing , I am asham'd to tell you , i'faith , and 't is too farre to go home . IOH. I pray thee bee not asham'd , VVin. Come , i'faith thou shall not be asham'd , is it any thing about the Hobby-horse-man ? an 't be , speake freely . WIN. Hang him , base Bobchin , I scorne him ; no , I haue very great , what sha' call 'um , Iohn . IOH. ô ! Is that all , Win ? wee 'll goe backe to Captaine Iordan ; to the pig-womans , Win. hee 'll helpe vs , or she with a dripping pan , or an old kettle , or something . The poore greasie soule loues you , Win , and after we 'll visit the Fayre all ouer , Win , and , see my Puppet play , Win , you know it 's a fine matter , Win. LEA. Let 's away , I counsell'd you to packe vp afore , Ione . TRA. A poxe of his Bedlem purity . Hee has spoyl'd halfe my ware : but the best is , wee lose nothing , if wee misse our first Merchant . LEA. It shall be hard for him to finde , or know vs , when we are translated , Ione . ACT. IIII. SCENE . I. TROVBLE-ALL . BRISTLE . HAGGISE , COKES . IVSTICE . POCHER , BVSY. PVRECRAFT . MY Masters , I doe make no doubt , but you are officers . BRI. What then , Sir ? TRO. And the Kings louing , and obedient subiects . BRI. Obedient , friend ? take heede what you speake , I aduise you : Oliuer Bristle aduises you . His louing subiects , we grant you : but not his obedient , at this time , by your leaue , wee know our selues , a little better then so , wee are to command , Sr. and such as you are to be obedient . Here 's one of his obedient subiects , going to the stocks , and wee 'll make you such another , if you talke . TRO. You are all wise enough i' your places , I know . BRI. If you know it , Sir , why doe you bring it in question ? TRO. I question nothing , pardon me . I do only hope you haue warrant , for what you doe , and so , quit you , and so , multiply you . HAG. He goes away againe . What 's hee ? bring him vp to the stocks there . Why bring you him not vp ? TRO. If you haue Iustice Ouerdoo's warrant , 't is well : comes again . you are safe ; that is the warrant of warrants . I 'le not giue this button , for any mans warrant else . BRI. Like enough , Sir , but let me tell you , an' you play away your buttons , thus , you will want 'hem ere night , goes away . for any store I see about you : you might keepe 'hem , and saue pinnes , I wusse . IVS. What should hee be , that doth so esteeme , and aduance my warrant ? he seemes a sober and discreet person ! it is a comfort to a good conscience , to be follow'd with a good fame , in his sufferings . The world will haue a pretty tast by this , how I can beare aduersity : and it will beget a kind of reuerence , toward me , hereafter , euen from mine enemies , when they shall see I carry my calamity nobly , and that it doth neither breake mee , nor bend mee . HAG. Come , Sir , heere 's a place for you to preach in . They put him in the stocks . Will you put in your legge ? IVS. That I will , cheerefully . BRI. O' my conscience a Seminary ! hee kisses the stockes . COK. Well my Masters , I 'le leaue him with you ; now I see him bestow'd , I 'le goe looke for my goods , and Numps . HAG. You may , Sir , I warrant you ; where 's the tother Bawler ? fetch him too , you shall find 'hem both fast enough . IVS. In the mid'st of this tumult , I will yet be the Author of mine owne rest , and not minding their fury , sit in the stockes , in that calme , as shall be able to trouble a Triumph . TRO. Doe you assure me vpon your words ? comes again , may I vndertake for you , if I be ask'd the question ; that you haue this warrant ? HAG. What 's this fellow , for Gods sake ? TRO. Doe but shew me Adam Ouerdoo , and I am satisfied ▪ goes out . BRI. Hee is a fellow that is distracted , they say ; one Trouble-all ▪ hee was an officer in the Court of Pie-poulders , here last yeere , and put out on his place by Iustice Ouerdoo . IVS. Ha! BRI. Vpon which , he tooke an idle conceipt , and 's runne mad vpon 't . So that euer since , hee will doe nothing , but by Iustice Ouerdoo's warrant , he will not eate a crust , nor drinke a little , nor make him in his apparell , ready . His wife , Sirreuerence , cannot get him make his water , or shift his shirt , without his warrant . IVS. If this be true , this is my greatest disaster ! how am I bound to satisfie this poore man , that is of so good a nature to mee , out of his wits ! where there is no roome left for dissembling . comes in . TRO. If you cannot shew me Adam Ouerdoo , I am in doubt of you : I am afraid you cannot answere it . HAG. Before me , goes againe . Neighbour Bristle ( and now I thinke on 't better ) Iustice Ouerdoo , is a very parantory person . BRI. O! are you aduis'd of that ? and a seuere Iusticer , by your leaue . IVS. Doe I heare ill o'th at side , too ? BRI. He will sit as vpright o' the bench , an' you marke him , as a candle i' the socket , and giue light to the whole Court in euery businesse . HAG. But he will burne blew , and swell like a bile ( God blesse vs ) an' he be angry . BRI. . I , and hee will be angry too , when his list , that 's more : and when hee is angry , be it right or wrong ; hee has the Law on 's side , euer . I marke that too . IVS. I will be more tender hereafter . I see compassion may become a Iustice , though it be a weaknesse , I confesse ; and neerer a vice , then a vertue . HAG. They take the Iustice out . Well , take him out o' the stocks againe , wee 'll goe a sure way to worke , wee 'll ha' the Ace of hearts of our side , if we can . POC. Come , bring him away to his fellow , there . Master Busy , we shall rule your legges , I hope , though wee cannot rule your tongue . BVS. No , Minister of darkenesse , no , thou canst not rule my tongue , my tongue it is mine own ; and with it I will both kn●●ke● and mocke downe your Bartholmew abhominat●●ns , till you 〈◊〉 made a hissing to the neighbour Parishes , round about . HAG. Let him alone , we haue deuis'd better vpon 't . PVR. And shall he not into the stocks then ? BRI. No , Mistresse , wee 'll haue 'hem both to Iustice Ouerdoo , and let him doe ouer 'hem as is fitting . Then I , and my gossip Haggis , and my beadle Pocher are discharg'd . PVR. O , I thanke you , blessed , honest men ! BRI. Nay , neuer thank vs , but thank this mad-man that comes heere , hee put it in our heads . PVR. Is hee mad ? Now heauen increase his madnesse , and blesse it , Comes againe . and thanke it , Sir , your poore hand-maide thanks you . TRO. Haue you a warrant ? an' you haue a warrant , shew it . PVR. Yes , I haue a warrant out of the word , to giue thankes for remouing any scorne intended to the brethren . TRO. It is Iustice Ouerdoo's warrant , that I looke for , if you haue not that , keepe your word , I 'le keepe mine . Quit yee , and multiply yee . ACT. IIII. SCENE . II. EDGVVORTH . TROVBLE-ALL . NIGHTINGALE . COKES . COSTARDMONGER . COme away Nightingale , I pray thee . TRO. Whither goe you ? where 's your warrant ? EDG. Warrant , for what , Sir ? TRO. For what you goe about , you know how fit it is , an' you haue no warrant , blesse you , I 'le pray for you , Goes out . that 's all I can doe . EDG. What meanes hee ? NIG. A mad-man that haunts the Fayre , doe you not know him ? it's maruell hee has not more followers , after his ragged heeles . EDG. Beshrew him , he startled me : I thought he had knowne of our plot . Guilt 's a terrible thing ! ha' you prepar'd the Costard-monger ? NIG. Yes , and agreed for his basket of peares ; hee is at the corner here , ready . And your Prise , he comes downe , sailing , that way , all alone ; without his Protector : hee is rid of him , it seemes . EDG. I , I know ; I should ha' follow'd his Protector-ship for a feat I am to doe vpon him : But this offer'd it selfe , so i' the way , I could not let it scape : heere he comes , whistle , Nightingale whistles be this sport call'd Dorring the Dottrell . NIG. Wh , wh , wh , wh , &c. COK. By this light , I cannot finde my ginger-bread-Wife , nor my Hobby-horse-man in all the Fayre , now ; to ha' my money againe . And I do not know the way out on 't , to go home for more , doe you heare , friend , you that whistle ; what tune is that , you whistle ? NIG. A new tune , I am practising , Sir. COK. Dost thou know where I dwell , I pray thee ? nay , on with thy tune , I ha' no such hast , for an answer : I 'le practise with thee . Nightingale sets his foote afore him , and he falls with his basket . COS. Buy any peares , very fine peares , peares fine . COK. Gods so ! a musse , a musse , a musse , a musse . COS. Good Gentleman , my ware , my ware , I am a poore man. Good Sir , my ware . NIG. Cokes falls a scrambling whilest they runne away with his things . Let me hold your sword , Sir , it troubles you . COK. Doe , and my cloake , an'thou wilt ; and my hat , too . EDG. A delicate great boy ! me thinks , he out-scrambles 'hem all . I cannot perswade my selfe , but he goes to grammer-schole yet ; and playes the trewant , to day . NIG. Would he had another purse to cut , Zekiel . EDG. Purse ? a man might cut out his kidneys , I thinke ; and he neuer feele 'hem , he is so earnest at the sport . NIG. His soule is halfe way out on 's body , at the game . EDG. Away , Nightingale : that way . COK. I thinke I am furnish'd for Catherne peares , for one vnder-meale : gi'me my cloake . COS. Good Gentleman , giue me my ware . COK. Where 's the fellow , I ga' my cloake to ? my cloake ? and my hat ? He runs out . ha ! Gods'lid , is he gone ? thieues , thieues , helpe me to cry , Gentlemen . EDG. Away , Costermonger , come to vs to Vrsla's . Talke of him to haue a soule ? ' heart , if hee haue any more then a thing giuen him in stead of salt , onely to keepe him from stinking , I 'le be hang'd afore my time , presently , where should it be trow ? in his blood ; hee has not so much to'ard it in his whole body , as will maintaine a good Flea ; And if hee take this course , he will not ha' so much land left , as to reare a Calfe within this twelue month . Was there euer greene Plouer so pull'd ! That his little Ouerseer had beene heere now , and beene but tall enough , to see him steale peares , in exchange , for his beauer-hat , and his cloake thus ? I must goe finde him out , next , for his blacke boxe , and his Patent ( it seemes ) hee has of his place ; which I thinke the Gentleman would haue a reuersion of ; that spoke to me for it so earnestly . COK. He comes againe . Would I might lose my doublet , and hose , too ; as I am an honest man , and neuer stirre , if I thinke there be any thing , but thieuing , and cooz'ning , i'th is whole Fayre ▪ Bartholmew-fayre , quoth he ; an' euer any Bartholmew had that lucke in 't , that I haue had , I 'le be martyr'd for him , throws away his peares . and in Smithfield , too . I ha' paid for my peares , a rot on 'hem , I 'le keepe 'hem no longer ; you were choake-peares to mee ; I had bin better ha' gone to mum chance for you , I wusse . Me thinks the Fayre should not haue vs'd me thus , and 't were but for my names sake , I would not ha' vs'd a dog o' the name , so . O , Numps will triumph , now ! Friend , doe you know who I am ? or where I lye ? I doe not my selfe , I 'll besworne . Doe but carry me home , and I 'le please thee , I ha' money enough there , I ha' lost my selfe , and my cloake and my hat ; and my fine sword , and my sister , and Numps , and Mistris Grace , ( a Gentlewoman that I should ha' marryed ) and a cut-worke handkercher , shee ga' mee , and two purses to day . And my bargaine o'Hobby-horses and Ginger-bread , which grieues me worst of all . TRO. Trouble-all comes again . By whose warrant , Sir , haue you done all this ? COK. Warrant ? thou art a wise fellow , indeed , as if a man need a warrant to lose any thing , with . TRO. Yes , Iustice Ouerdo's warrant , a man may get , and lose with , I 'le stand to 't . COK. Iustice Ouerdoo ? Dost thou know him ? I lye there , hee is my brother in Law , hee marryed my sister : pray thee shew me the way , dost thou know the house ? TRO. Sir , shew mee your warrant , I know nothing without a warrant , pardon me . COK. Why , I warrant thee , come along : thou shalt see , I haue wrought pillowes there , and cambricke sheetes , and sweete bags , too . Pray thee guide me to the house . TRO. Sir , I 'le tell you ; goe you thither your selfe , first , alone ; tell your worshipfull brother your minde : and but bring me three lines of his hand , or his Clerkes , with Adam Ouerdoo , vnderneath ; here I 'le stay you , I le obey you , and I 'le guide you presently . COK. S'lid , this is an Asse , I ha' found him , poxe vpon mee , what doe I talking to such a dull foole ; farewell , you are a very Coxcomb , doe you heare ? TRO. I thinke , I am , if Iustice Ouerdoo signe to it , I am , and so wee are all , hee 'll quit vs all , multiply vs all . ACT. IIII. SCENE . IIJ. GRACE . QVARLOVS . WIN-WIFE . They enter with their swords drawne . TROVBLE-ALL . EDGVVORTH . GEntlemen , this is no way that you take : you do but breed one another trouble , and offence , and giue me no contentment at all . I am no she , that affects to be quarell'd for , or haue my name or fortune made the question of mens swords . QVA. S'lood , wee loue you . GRA. If you both loue mee , as you pretend , your owne reason will tell you , but one can enioy me ; and to that point , there leads a directer line , then by my infamy , which must follow , if you fight . 'T is true , I haue profest it to you ingenuously , that rather then to be yoak'd with this Bridegroome is appointed me , I would take vp any husband , almost vpon any trust . Though Subtilty would say to me , ( I know ) hee is a foole , and has an estate , and I might gouerne him , and enioy a friend , beside . But these are not my aymes , I must haue a husband I must loue , or I cannot liue with him . I shall ill make one of these politique wiues ! WIN-W. Why , if you can like either of vs , Lady , say , which is he , and the other shall sweare instantly to desist . QVA. Content , I accord to that willingly . GRA. Sure you thinke me a woman of an extreme leuity , Gentlemen , or a strange fancy , that ( meeting you by chance in such a place , as this , both at one instant , and not yet of two hours acquaintance , neither of you deseruing afore the other , of me ) I should so forsake my modesty ( though I might affect one more particularly ) as to say , This is he , and name him . QVA. Why , wherefore should you not ? What should hinder you ? GRA. If you would not giue it to my modesty , allow it yet to my wit ; giue me so much of woman , and cunning , as not to betray my selfe impertinently . How can I iudge of you , so farre as to a choyse , without knowing you more ? you are both equall , and alike to mee , yet : and so indifferently affected by mee , as each of you might be the man , if the other were away . For you are reasonable creatures , you haue vnderstanding , and discourse . And if fate send me an vnderstanding husband , I haue no feare at all , but mine owne manners shall make him a good one . QVAR. Would I were put forth to making for you , then . GRA. It may be you are , you know not what 's toward you : will you consent to a motion of mine , Gentlemen ? WINW. What euer it be , we 'll presume reasonablenesse , comming from you . QVAR. And fitnesse , too . GRA. I saw one of you buy a paire of tables , e'en now . WIN-W. Yes , heere they be , and maiden ones too , vnwritten in . GRA. The fitter for what they may be imployed in . You shall write either of you , heere , a word , or a name , what you like best ; but of two , or three syllables at most : and the next person that comes this way ( because Destiny has a high hand in businesse of this nature ) I 'le demand , which of the two words , he , or she doth approue ; and according to that sentence , fixe my resolution , and affection , without change . QVAR. Agreed , my word is conceiued already . WIN-W. And mine shall not be long creating after . GRA. But you shall promise , Gentlemen , not to be curious to know , which of you it is , taken ; but giue me leaue to conceale that till you haue brought me , either home , or where I may safely tender my selfe . WIN-W Why that 's but equall . QVAR. Wee are pleas'd . GRA. Because I will bind both your indeauours to work together , friendly , and ioyntly , each to the others fortune , and haue my selfe fitted with some meanes , to make him that is forsaken , a part of amends . QVAR. These conditions are very curteous . Well my word is out of the Arcadia , then : Argalus . WIN-W. And mine out of the play , Palemon . TRO. Haue you any warrant for this , Gentlemen ? Trouble-all comes again . QVAR. WIN-W. Ha! TRO. There must be a warrant had , beleeue it . WIN-W. For what ? TRO. Fot whatsoeuer it is , any thing indeede , no matter what . QVA. S'light , here 's a fine ragged Prophet , dropt downe ' ithe nicke ! TRO. Heauen quit you , Gentlemen . QVA. Nay , stay a little , good Lady , put him to the question . GRA. You are content , then ? WIN-W. QVAR. Yes yes . GRA. Sir , heere are two names written — TRO. Is Iudice Ouerdoo , one ? GRA. How , Sir ? I pray you read 'hem to your selfe , it is for a wager betweene these Gentlemen , and with a stroake or any difference , marke which you approue best . TRO. They may be both worshipfull names for ought I know , Mistresse , but Adam Ouerdoo had beene worth three of 'hem , I assure you , in this place , that 's in plaine english . GRA. This man amazes mee ! I pray you , like one of 'hem , Sir. TRO. I doe like him there , that has the best warrant , Mistresse , to saue your longing , and ( multiply him ) It may be this . But I am I still for Iustice Ouerdoo , that 's my conscience . And quit you . WIN-W. Is 't done , Lady ? GRA. I , and strangely , as euer I saw ! What fellow is this trow ? QVA. No matter what , a Fortune-teller wee ha' made him . Which is 't , which is 't . GRA. Nay , did you not promise , not to enquire ? QVA. S'lid , I forgot that , pray you pardon mee . Looke , here 's our Mercury come : The Licence arriues i' the finest time , too ! 't is but scraping out Cokes his name , and 't is done . WIN-W. How now lime-twig ? hast thou touch'd . EDG. Not yet , Sir , except you would goe with mee , and see 't , it 's not worth speaking on . The act is nothing , without a witnesse . Yonder he is , your man with the boxe falne into the finest company , and so transported with vapours , they ha' got in a Northren Clothier , and one Puppy , a Westerne man , that 's come to wrastle before my Lord Maior , anone , and Captaine Whit , and one Val Cutting , that helpes Captaine Iordan to roare , a circling boy : with whom your Numps , is so taken , that you may strip him of his cloathes , if you will. I 'le vndertake to geld him for you ; if you had but a Surgeon , ready , to feare him . And Mistresse Iustice , there , is the goodest woman ! shee do's so loue 'hem all ouer , in termes of Iustice , and the Stile of authority , with her hood vpright — that I beseech you come away Gentlemen , and see 't . QVAR. S'light , I would not lose it for the Fayre , what 'll you doe , Ned ? WIN-W. Why , stay heere about for you , Mistresse Welborne must not be seene . QVA. Doe so , and find out a Priest i' the meane time , I 'le bring the License . Lead , which way is 't ? EDG. Here , Sir , you are o' the backeside o' the Booth already , you may heare the noise . ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . IV. KNOCKHVM . NORDERN . PVPPY . CVTTING . WHIT. EDGVVORTH . QVARLOVS . OVERDOO . WASPE. BRISTLE . WHit , bid Vall Cutting continue the vapours for a lift , Whit , for a lift . NOR. I l'e ne mare , I l'e ne mare , the eale's too meeghty . KNO. How now ! my Galloway Nag , the staggers ? ha ! Whit , gi 'him a slit i' the fore-head . Cheare vp , man , a needle , and threed to stitch his eares . I 'ld cure him now an'I had it , with a little butter , and garlike , long-pepper , and graines . Where 's my horne ? I 'le gi 'him a mash , presently , shall take away this dizzinesse . PVP. Why , where are you zurs ? doe you vlinch , and leaue vs i' the zuds , now ? NOR. I 'le ne mare , I'is e'en as vull as a Paipers bag , by my troth , I. PVP. Doe my Northerne cloth zhrinke i' the wetting ? ha ? KNO. Why , well said , old Flea-bitten , thou 'lt neuer tyre , I see . CVT. They fall to their vapours , againe . No , Sir , but he may tire , if it please him . WHI. Who told dee sho ? that he vuld neuer teer , man ? CVT. No matter who told him so , so long as he knowes . KNO. Nay , I know nothing , Sir , pardon me there . EDG. They are at it stil , Sir , this they call vapours . WHI. He shall not pardon dee , Captaine , dou shalt not be pardon'd . Pre'de shweete heart doe not pardon him . CVT. S'light , I 'le pardon him , an'I list , whosoeuer saies nay to 't . QVAR. Where 's Numps ? I misse him . Here they continue their game of vapours , which is non sense . Euery man to oppose the last man that spake : whethe it concern'd him , or no. WAS. Why , I say nay to 't . QVAR. O there he is ! KNO. To what doe you say nay , Sir ? WAS. To any thing , whatsoeuer it is , so long as I do not like it . WHI. Pardon me , little man , dou musht like it a little . CVT. No , hee must not like it at all , Sir , there you are i' the wrong . WHI. I tinke I be , he musht not like it , indeede . CVT. Nay , then he both must , and will like it , Sir , for all you . KNO. If he haue reason , he may like it , Sir. WHI. By no meansh Captaine , vpon reason , he may like nothing vpon reason . WAS. I haue no reason , nor I will heare of no reason , nor I will looke for no reason , and he is an Asse , that either knowes any , or lookes for 't from me . CVT. Yes , in some sense you may haue reason , Sir. WAS. I , in some sense , I care not if I grant you . WHI. Pardon mee , thou ougsht to grant him nothing , in no she●sh , if dou doe loue dy shelfe , angry man. WAS. Why then , I doe grant him nothing ; and I haue no sense . CVT. 'T is true , thou hast no sense indeed . WAS. S'lid , but I haue sense , now I thinke on 't better , and I will grant him any thing , doe you see ? KNO. He is i' the right , and do's vtter a sufficient vapour . CVT. Nay , it is no sufficient vapour , neither , I deny that . KNO. Then it is a sweet vapour . CVT. It may be a sweet vapour . WAS. Nay , it is no sweet vapour , neither , Sir , it stinkes , and I 'le stand to 't . WHI. Yes , I tinke it dosh shtinke , Captaine . All vapour dosh shtinke . WAS. Nay , then it do's not stinke , Sir , and it shall not stinke . CVT. By your leaue , it may , Sir. WAS. I , by my leaue , it may stinke , I know that . WHI. Pardon me , thou knowesht nothing , it cannot by thy leaue , angry man. WAS. How can it not ? KNO. Nay , neuer question him , for he is i' the right . WHI. Yesh , I am I 'de right , I confesh it , so ish de little man too . WAS. I 'le haue nothing confest , that concernes mee . I am not i' the right , nor neuer was i' the right , nor neuer will be i' the right , while I am in my right minde , CVT. Minde ? why , heere 's no man mindes you , Sir , They drinke againe . nor any thing else . PVP. Vreind , will you mind this that wee doe ? QVA. Call you this vapours ? this is such beltching of quarrell , as I neuer heard . Will you minde your businesse , Sir ? EDG. You shall see , Sir. NOR. I 'le ne maire , my waimb warkes too mickle with this anready . EDG. Will you take that , Master Waspe , that no body should minde you ? WAS. Why ? what ha' you to doe ? is 't any matter to you ? EDG. No , but me thinks you should not be vnminded , though , WAS. Nor , I wu'not be , now I thinke on 't , doe you heare , new acquaintance , do's no man mind me , say you ? CVT. Yes , Sir , euery man heere mindes you , but how ? WAS. Nay , I care as little how , as you doe , that was not my question . WHI. No , noting was ty question , tou art a learned man , and I am a valiant man , i'faith la , tou shalt speake for mee , and I vill fight for tee . KNO. Fight for him , Whit ? A grosse vapour , hee can fight for himselfe . WAS. It may be I can , but it may be , I wu' not , how then ? CVT. Why , then you may chuse . WAS. Why , and I 'le chuse whether I 'le chuse or no. KNO. I thinke you may , and 't is true ; and I allow it for a resolute vapour . WAS. Nay , then , I doe thinke you doe not thinke , and it is no resolute vapour . CVT. Yes , in some sort he may allow you . KNO. In no sort , Sir , pardon me , I can allow him nothing . You mistake the vapour . WAS. He mistakes nothing , Sir , in no sort . WHI. Yes , I pre dee now , let him mistake . WAS. A turd i' your teeth , neuer pre dee mee , for I will haue nothing mistaken . KNO. They fall by the cares . Turd , ha turd ? a noysome vapour , strike Whit. OVE. Why , Gentlemen , why Gentlemen , I charge you vpon my authority , conserue the peace . In the Kings name , and my Husbands , put vp your weapons , I shall be driuen to commit you my selfe , else . QVA. Ha , ha , ha . WAS. Why doe you laugh , Sir ? QVA. Sir , you 'll allow mee my christian liberty . I may laugh , I hope . CVT. In some sort you may , and in some sort you may not , Sir. KNO. Nay in some sort , Sir , hee may neither laugh , nor hope , in this company . WAS. Yes , then he may both laugh , and hope in any sort , an 't please him . QVA. Faith , and I will then , for it doth please mee exceedingly . WAS. No exceeding neither , Sir. KNO. No , that vapour is too lofty . QVA. Gentlemen , I doe not play well at your game of vapours , I am not very good at it , but — CVT. Doe you heare , Sir ? I would speake with you in circle ? Hee drawes a circle on the ground . QVA. In circle , Sir ? what would you with me in circle ? CVT. Can you lend me a Piece , a Iacobus ? in circle ? QVA. S'lid , your circle will proue more costly then your vapours , then . Sir , no , I lend you none . CVT. Your beard 's not well turn'd vp , Sir. QVA. How Rascall ? are you playing with my beard ? They draw all , and fight . I 'le breake circle with you . PVP. NOR. Gentlemen , Gentlemen ! KNO. Gather vp , Whit , gather vp , Whit , good vapours . OVE. What meane you ? are you Rebells ? Gentlemen ? shall I send out a Sericant at Armes , or a Writ o'Rebellion , against you ? I 'le commit you vpon my woman-hood , for a Riot , vpon my Iustice-hood , if you persist . WAS. Vpon your Iustice-hood ? Mary shite o' your hood , you 'll commit ? Spoke like a true Iustice of peace's wife , indeed , and a fine female Lawyer ! turd i' your teeth for a fee , now . OVER. Why , Numps , in Master Ouerdoo's name , I charge you . WAS. Good Mistresse Vnderdoo hold your tongue . OVER. Alas ! poore Numps . WAS. Alas ! and why alas from you , I beseech you ? or why poore Numps , goody Rich ? am I come to be pittied by your tuft taffata now ? why Mistresse , I knew Adam , the Clerke , your husband , when he was Adam Scriuener , and writ for two pence a sheet , as high as he beares his head now , or you your hood , Dame. What are you , Sir ? The watch comes in . BRI. Wee be men , and no Infidells ; what is the matter , here , and the noyses ? can you tell ? WAS. Heart , what ha' you to doe ? cannot a man quarrell in quietnesse ? but hee must be put out on 't by you ? what are you ? BRI. Why , wee be his Maiesties Watch , Sir. WAS. Watch ? S'blood , you are a sweet watch , indeede . A body would thinke , and you watch'd well a nights , you should be contented to sleepe at this time a day . Get you to your fleas , and your flocke-beds , you Rogues , your kennells , and lye downe close . BRI. Downe ? yes , we will downe , I warrant you , downe with him in his Maiesties name , downe , downe with him , and carry him away , to the pigeon-holes . OVE. I thanke you honest friends , in the behalfe o' the Crowne , and the peace , and in Master Ouerdoo's name , for suppressing enormities . WHI. Stay , Bristle , heere ish a noder brash o'drunkards , but very quiet , speciall drunkards , will pay dee , fiue shillings very well . Take 'hem to d ee , in de graish o' God : one of hem do's change cloth , for Ale in the Fayre , here , te toder ish a strong man , a mighty man , my Lord Mayors man , and a wrastler . Hee has wrashled so long with the bottle , heere , that the man with the beard , hash almosht streeke vp hish heelsh . BRI. S'lid , the Clerke o' the Market , has beene to cry him all the Fayre ouer , here , for my Lords seruice . WHI. Tere he ish , pre de taik him hensh , and make ty best on him . How now woman o' shilke , vat ailsh ty shweet faish ? art tou melancholy ? OVE. A little distemper'd with these enormities ; shall I intreat a curtesie of you , Captaine ? WHI. Intreat a hundred , veluet voman , I vill doe it , shpeake out . OVE. I cannot with modesty speake it out , but — WHI. I vill doe it , and more , and more , for dee . What Vrsla , and 't be bitch , and 't be baud and 't be ! VRS. How now Rascall ? what roare you for ? old Pimpe . WHI. Heere , put vp de cloakes Vrsh ; de purchase , pre dee now , shweet Vrsh , help dis good braue voman , to a Iordan , and 't be . VRS. S'lid call your Captaine Iordan to her , can you not ? WHI. Nay , pre dee leaue dy consheits , and bring the veluet woman to de — VRS. I bring her , hang her : heart must I find a common pot for euery punque i' your purlews ? WHI. O good voordsh , Vrsh , it ish a guest o'veluet , i'fait la. VRS. Let her sell her hood , and buy a spunge , with a poxe to her , my vessell , employed Sir. I haue but one , and 't is the bottome of an old bottle . An honest Proctor , and his wife , are at it , within , if shee 'll stay her time , so . WHI. As soone ash tou cansht shwet Vrsh. Of a valiant man I tinke I am the patientsh man i' the world , or in all Smithfield . KNO. How now Whit ? close vapours , stealing your leaps ? couering in corners , ha ? WHI. No fait , Captaine , dough tou beesht a vishe man , dy vit is a mile hence , now . I vas procuring a shmall courtesie , for a woman of fashion here . OVE. Yes , Captaine , though I am Iustice of peace's wife , I doe loue Men of warre , and the Sonnes of the sword , when they come before my husband . KNO. Say'st thou so Filly ? thou shalt haue a leape presently , I 'le horse thee my selfe , else . VRS. Come , will you bring her in now ? and let her talke her turne ? WHI. Gramercy good Vrsh , I tanke dee . OVER. Master Ouerdoo shall thanke her . ACT. IIII. SCENE . V. IOHN . WIN. VRSLA. KNOCKHVM . WHIT. OVERDOO . ALES . Good Ga'mere Vrs ; Win , and I , are exceedingly beholden to you , and to Captaine Iordan , and Captaine Whit. Win , I 'le be bold to leaue you , i'th is good company , Win : for halfe an houre , or so Win , while I goe , and see how my matter goes forward , and if the Puppets be perfect : and then I 'le come & fetch you , Win. WIN. Will you leaue me alone with two men , Iohn ? IOH. I , they are honest Gentlmen Win , Captaine Iordan , and Captaine Whit , they 'll vse you very ciuilly , Win , God b'w'you , Win. VRS. What 's her husband gone ? KNO. On his false , gallop , Vrs , away . VRS. An' you be right Bartholmew-birds , now shew your selues so : we are vndone for want of fowle i' the Fayre , here . Here will be Zekiell Edgworth , and three or foure gallants , with him at night , and I ha' neither Plouer nor Quaile for 'hem : perswade this betweene you two , to become a Bird o' the game , while I worke the veluet woman , within , ( as you call her . ) KNO. I conceiue thee , Vrs ! goe thy waies , doest thou heare , Whit ? is 't not pitty , my delicate darke chestnut here ; with the fine leane head , large fore-head , round eyes , euen mouth , sharpe eares , long necke , thinne crest , close withers , plaine backe , deepe sides , short fillets , and full flankes : with a round belly , a plumpe but tocke , large thighes , knit knees , streight legges , short pasternes , smooth hoofes , and short heeles ; should lead a dull honest womans life , that might liue the life of a Lady ? WHI. Yes , by my fait , and trot , it is , Captaine : de honesht womans life is a scuruy dull life , indeed , la. WIN. How , Sir ? is an honest womans life a scuruy life ? WHI. Yes fait , shweet heart , beleeue him , de leefe of a Bond. woman ! but if dou vilt harken to me , I vill make tee a free-woman , and a Lady : dou shalt liue like a Lady , as te Captaine saish . KNO. I , and be honest too sometimes : haue her wiers , and her tires , her greene gownes , and veluet petticoates . WHI. I , and ride to Ware and Rumford i'dy Coash , shee de Players , be in loue vit 'hem ; sup vit gallantsh , be drunke , and cost de noting . KNO. Braue vapours ! WHI. And lye by twenty on 'hem , if dou pleash shweet heart . WIN. What , and be honest still , that were fine sport . WHI. Tish common , shweet heart , tou may'st doe it by my hand : it shall be iustified to ty husbands faish , now : tou shalt be as honesht as the skinne betweene his hornsh , la ! KNO. Yes , and weare a dressing , top , and top-gallant , to compare with ere a husband on 'hem all , for a fore-top : it is the vapour of spirit in the wife , to cuckold , now adaies ; as it is the vapour of fashion , in the husband , not to suspect . Your prying cat-eyed-citizen , is an abominable vapour . WIN. Lord , what a foole haue I beene ! WHI. Mend then , and doe euery ting like a Lady , heereafter , neuer know ty husband , from another man. KNO. Nor any one man from another , but i' the darke . WHI. I , and then it ish no dishgrash to know any man. VRS. Helpe , helpe here . KNO. How now ? what vapour 's there ? VRS. O , you are a sweet Ranger ! and looke well to your walks . Yonder is your Punque of Turnbull , Ramping Ales , has falne vpon the poore Gentlewoman within , and pull'd her hood ouer her eares , Alice eners , beating he Iustice's wife . and her hayre through it . OVE. Helpe , helpe , i' the Kings name . ALE. A mischiefe on you , they are such as you are , that vndoe vs , and take our trade from vs , with your tuft-taffata hanches . KNO. How now Alice ! ALE. The poore common whores can ha' no traffique , for the priuy rich ones ; your caps and hoods of veluet , call away our customers , and lick the fat from vs. VRS. Peace you foule ramping Iade , you — ALE. Od's foote , you Bawd in greace , are you talking ? KNO. VVhy , Alice , I say . ALE. Thou Sow of Smithfield , thou . VRS. Thou tripe of Turnebull . KNO. Cat-a-mountaine-vapours ! ha ! VRS. You know where you were taw'd lately , both lash'd , and slash'd you were in Bridewell . ALE. I , by the same token , you rid that weeke , and broake out the bottome o' the Cart , Night-tub . KNO. VVhy , Lyon face ! ha ! doe you know who I am ? shall I teare ruffe , slit wastcoat , make ragges of petticoat ? ha ! goe to , vanish , for feare of vapours . Whit , a kick , Whit , in the parting vapour . Come braue woman , take a good heart , thou shalt be a Lady , too . WHI. Yes fait , dey shal all both be Ladies , and write Madame . I vill do 't my selfe for dem . Doe , is the vord , and D is the middle letter of Madame , D D , put 'hem together , and make deeds , without which , all words are alike , la. KNO. 'T is true , Vrsla , take 'hem in , open thy wardrope , and fit 'hem to their calling . Greene-gownes , Crimson-petticoats , green women ! my Lord Maiors green women ! guests o' the Game , true bred . I 'le prouide you a Coach , to take the ayre , in . VVIN. But doe you thinke you can get one ? KNO. O , they are as common as wheelebarrowes , where there are great dunghills . Euery Pettifoggers wife , has 'hem , for first he buyes a Coach , that he may marry , and then hee marries that hee may be made Cuckold in 't : For if their wiues ride not to their Cuckolding , they doe 'hem no credit . Hide , and be hidden ; ride , and be ridden , sayes the vapour of experience . ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . VI. TROBLE-ALL . KNOCKHVM . VVHIT . QVARLOVS . EDGVVORTH . BRISTLE . WASPE. HAGGISE . IVSTICE . BVSY. PVRE-CRAFT . BY what warrant do's it say so ? KNO. Ha● mad child o' the Pye-pouldres , art thou there ? fill vs a fresh kan , Vrs , wee may drinke together . TRO. I may not drinke without a warrant , Captaine . KNO. S'lood , thou'll not stale without a warant , shortly . Whit , Giue mee pen , inke and paper . I 'l draw him a warrant presently . TRO. It must be Iustice Ouerdoo's ? KNO. I know , man , Fetch the drinke , Whit. VVHI. I pre dee now , be very briefe , Captaine ; for de new Ladies stay for dee . KNO. O , as briefe as can be , here 't is already . Adam Ouerdoo . TRO. VVhy , now , I 'le pledge you , Captaine . KNO. Drinke it off . I 'll come to thee , anone , againe . QVA. Well , Sir. You are now discharg'd : Quarlous to the Cut-purse ▪ beware of being spi'd , hereafter . EDG. Sir , will it please you , enter in here , at Vrsla's ; and take part of a silken gowne , a veluet petticoate , or a wrought smocke ; I am promis'd such : and I can spare any Gentleman a moity . QVA. Keepe it for your companions in beastlinesse , I am none of 'hem , Sir. If I had not already forgiuen you a greater trespasse , or thought you yet worth my beating , I would instruct your manners , to whom you made your offers . But goe your wayes , talke not to me , the hangman is onely fit to discourse with you ; the hand of Beadle is too mercifull a punishment for your Trade of life . I am sorry I employ'd this fellow ; for he thinks me such : Facinus quos inquinat , aequat . But , it was for sport . And would I make it serious , the getting of this Licence is nothing to me , without other circumstances concurre . I do thinke how impertinently I labour , if the word bee not mine , that the ragged fellow mark'd : And what aduantage I haue giuen Ned Win-wife in this time now , of working her , though it be mine . Hee 'll go neare to forme to her what a debauch'd Rascall I am , and fright her out of all good conceipt of me : I should doe so by him , I am sure , if I had the opportunity . But my hope is in her temper , yet ; and it must needs bee next to despaire , that is grounded on any part of a woman's discretion . I would giue by my troth , now , all I could spare ( to my cloathes , and my sword ) to meete my tatter'd sooth-sayer againe , who was my iudge i' the question , to know certainly whose word he has damn'd or sau'd . For , till then , I liue but vnder a Repreiue . I must seeke him . Who be these ? WAS. Ent Waspe with the officers . Sir , you are a welsh Cuckold , and a prating Runt , and no Constable . BRI. You say very well . Come put in his legge in the middle roundell , and let him hole there . WAS. You stinke of leeks , Metheglyn , and chee●e . You Rogue . BRI. Why , what is that to you , if you sit sweetly in the stocks in the meane time ? if you haue a minde to stinke too , your breeches sit close enough to your bumm . Sit you merry , Sir. QVA How now , Numps ? WAS. It is no matter , how ; pray you looke off . QVA. Nay I 'll not offend you , Numps . I thought you had sate there to be seen . WAS. And to be sold , did you not ? pray you mind your businesse , an' you haue any . QVA. Cry you mercy , Numps . Do's your leg lie high enough ? BRI. How now , neighbour Haggise , what sayes Iustice Ouerdo's worship , to the other offenders ? HAG. Why , hee sayes iust nothing , what should hee say ? Or where should he say ? He is not to be found , Man. He ha' not been seen i' the Fayre , here , all this liue-long day , neuer since seuen a clocke i' the morning . His Clearks know not what to thinke on 't . There is no Court of Pie-poulders yet . Heere they be return'd . BRI. What shall be done with 'hem , then ? in your discretion ? HAG. I thinke wee were best put 'hem in the stocks , in discretion ( there they will be safe in discretion ) for the valour of an houre , or such a thing , till his worship come . As they open the stockes , Waspe puts his shooe on his hand , and slips it in for his legge . BRI It is but a hole matter , if wee doe , Neighbour Haggise , come , Sir , heere is company for you , heaue vp the stocks . WAS. I shall put a tricke vpon your welsh diligence , perhaps . BRI. Put in your legge , Sir. QVA. What , Rabby Busy ! is hee come ? BVS. I doe obey thee , the Lyon may roare , but he cannot bite . They bring Busy , and put him in . I am glad to be thus separated from the heathen of the land , and put a part in the stocks , for the holy cause . WAS. VVhat are you , Sir ? BVS. One that reioyceth in his affliction , and sitteth here to prophesie , the destruction of Fayres and May-games , Wakes , and Whitson-ales , and doth sigh and groane for the reformation , of these abuses . WAS. And doe you sigh , and groane too , or reioyce in your affliction ? IVS. I doe not feele it , I doe not thinke of it , it is a thing without mee . Adam , thou art aboue these battries , these contumelies . In te manca ruit fortuna , as thy friend Horace saies ; thou art one , Quem neque pauperies , neque mors , neque vincula terrent , . And therefore as another friend of thine saies , ( I thinke it be thy friend Persius ) Non te quaesi●cris extra . QVA. What 's heere ! a Stoick i' the stocks ? the Foole is turn'd Philosopher . BVS. Friend , I will leaue to communicate my spirit with you , if I heare any more of those superstitious reliques , those lists of Latin , the very rags of Rome , and patches of Poperie . WAS. Nay , an'you begin to quarrel , Gentlemen , I 'll leaue you . I ha' paid for quarrelling too lately : looke you , a deuice , He gets out . but shifting in a hand for a foot . God b'w'you . BVS. Wilt thou then leaue thy brethren in tribulation ? WAS. For this once , Sir. BVS. Thou art a halting Neutrall stay him there , stop him : that will not endure the heat of persecution . BRI. How now , what 's the matter ? BVS. Hee is fled , he is fled , and dares not sit it out . BRI. What , has he made an escape , which way ? follow , neighbour Haggise . PVR. O me ! in the stocks ! haue the wicked preuail'd ? BVS. Peace religious sister , it is my calling , comfort your selfe , an extraordinary calling , and done for my better standing , my surer standing , hereafter . TRO. By whose warrant , by whose warrant , this ? The mad-man enters . QVA. O , here 's my man ! dropt in , I look'd for . IVS. Ha! PVR. O good Sir , they haue set the faithfull , here to be wonder'd at ; and prouided holes , for the holy of the land . TRO. Had they warrant for it ? shew'd they Iusticce Ouerdoo's hand ? if they had no warrant , they shall answer it . BRI. Sure you did not locke the stocks sufficiently , neighbour Toby ! HAG. No! see if you can lock 'hem better . BRI. They are very sufficiently lock'd , and truely , yet some thing is in the mater . TRO. True , your warrant is the matter that is in question , by what warrant ? BRI. Mad man , hold your peace , I will put you in his roome else , in the very same hole , doe you see ? QVA. How ! is hee a mad-man ! TRO. Shew me Iustice Ouerdoo's warrant . I obey you . HAG. You are a mad foole , hold your tongue . TRO. Shewes his Kanne . In Iustice Ouerdoo's name , I drinke to you , and here 's my warrant . IVS. Alas poore wretch ! how it earnes my heart for him ! QVA. If hee be mad , it is in vaine to question him . I 'le try though , friend : there was a Gentlewoman , shew'd you two names , some houre since , Argalus and Palemon , to marke in a booke , which of 'hem was it you mark'd ? TRO. I marke no name , but Adam Ouerdoo , that is the name of names , hee onely is the sufficient Magistrate ; and that name I reuerence , shew it mee . QVA. This fellowes madde indeede : I am further off , now , then afore . IVS. I shall not breath in peace , till I haue made him some amends . QVA. Well , I will make another vse of him , is come in my head : I haue a nest of beards in my Truncke , one some thing like his . BRI. The watch-men come back againe . The mad-man fights with 'hem , and they leaue open the stocks . This mad foole has made mee that I know not whether I I haue lock'd the stocks or no , I thinke I lock'd ' hem . TRO. Take Adam Ouerdoo in your minde , and feare nothing . BRI. S'lid , madnesse it selfe , hold thy peace , and take that . TRO. Strikest thou without a warrant ? take thou that . BVS. Wee are deliuered by miracle ; fellow in fetters , let vs not refuse the meanes , this madnesse was of the spirit : The malice of the enemy hath mock'd it selfe . PVR. Mad doe they call him ! the world is mad in error , but hee is mad in truth : I loue him o' the sudden , ( the cunning man sayd all true ) and shall loue him more , and more . How well it becomes a man to be mad in truth ! O , that I might be his yoake-fellow , and be mad with him , what a many should wee draw to madnesse in truth , with vs ! BRI. How now ! all scap'd ? where 's the woman ? it is witchcraft ! The watch missing them are affrighted . Her veluet hat is a witch , o' my conscience , or my key ! t'one . The mad-man was a Diuell , and I am an Asse ; so blesse me , my place , and mine office . ACT. V. SCENE . I. LANTHORNE . FILCHER . SHARKVVEL . WEll , Lucke and Saint Bartholmew ; out with the signe of our inuention , in the name of Wit , and do you beat the Drum , the while ; All the fowle i' the Fayre , I meane , all the dirt in Smithfield , ( that 's one of Master Littlewit's Carwhitchets now ) will be throwne at our Banner to day , if the matter do's not please the people . O the Motions , that I Lanthorne Leatherhead haue giuen light to , i' my time , since my Master Pod dyed ! Ierusalem was a stately thing ; and so was Niniue , and the citty of Norwich , and Sodom and Gomorrah ; with the rising o' the prentises ; and pulling downe the bawdy houses there , vpon Shroue-Tuesday ; but the Gunpowder-plot , there was a get-penny ! I haue presented that to an eighteene , or twenty pence audience , nine times in an afternoone . Your home-borne proiects proue euer the best , they are so easie , and familiar , they put too much learning i' their things now o'dayes : and that I feare will be the spoile o'th is . Little-wit ? I say , Mickle-wit ! if not too mickle ! looke to your gathering there , good man Filcher . FIL. I warrant you , Sir. LAN. And there come any Gentlefolks , take two pence a piece , Sharkwell . SHA. I warrant you , Sir , three pence , an'we can . ACT. V. SCENE . II. IVSTICE . WIN-WIFE . GRACE . QVARLOVS . PVRE-CRAFT . THis later disguise , I haue borrow'd of a Porter , shall carry me out to all my great and good ends ; The Iustice comes in like a Porter . which how euer interrupted , were neuer destroyed in me : neither is the houre of my seuerity yet come , to reueale my selfe , wherein cloud-like , I will breake out in raine , and haile , lightning , and thunder , vpon the head of enormity . Two maine works I haue to prosecute : first , one is to inuent some satisfaction for the poore , kinde wretch , who is out of his wits for my sake , and yonder I see him comming , I will walke aside , and proiect for it . WIN. I wonder where Tom Quarlous is , that hee returnes not , it may be he is strucke in here to seeke vs. GRA. See , heere 's our mad-man againe . QVA. I haue made my selfe as like him , as his gowne , and cap will giue me leaue . Quarlous in the habit of the mad-man is mistaken by Mrs Pure-craft . PVR. Sir , I loue you , and would be glad to be mad with you in truth . WIN-W. How ! my widdow in loue with a mad-man ? PVR. Verily , I can be as mad in spirit , as you . QVA. By whose warrant ? leaue your canting . Gentlewoman , haue I found you ? ( saue yee , quit yee , and multiply yee ) where 's your booke ? 't was a sufficient name I mark'd , let me see 't , be not afraid to shew 't me . GRA. What would you with it , Sir ? QVA. Marke it againe , and againe , at your seruice . GRA. Heere it is , Sir , this was it you mark'd . QVA. Palemon ? fare you well , fare you well . WIN-W. How , Palemon ! GRA. Yes faith , hee has discouer'd it to you , now , and therefore 't were vaine to disguise it longer , I am yours , Sir , by the benefit of your fortune . WIN-W. And you haue him Mistresse , beleeue it , that shall neuer giue you cause to repent her benefit , but make you rather to thinke that in this choyce , she had both her eyes . GRA. I desire to put it to no danger of protestation . QVA. Palemon , the word , and Win-wife the man ? PVR. Good Sir , vouchsafe a yoakefellow in your madnesse , shun not one of the sanctified sisters , that would draw with you , in truth . QVA. Away , you are a heard of hypocriticall proud Ignorants , rather wilde , then mad . Fitter for woods , and the society of beasts then houses , and the congregation of men . You are the second part of the society of Canters , Outlawes to order and Discipline , and the onely priuiledg'd Church-robbers of Christendome . Let me alone . Palemon , the word , and Winwife the man ? PVR. I must vncouer my selfe vnto him , or I shall neuer enioy him , for all the cunning mens promises . Good Sir , heare mee , I am worth sixe thousand pound , my loue to you , is become my racke , I 'll tell you all , and the truth : since you hate the hyporisie of the party-coloured brother-hood . These seuen yeeres , I haue beene a wilfull holy widdow , onely to draw feasts , and gifts from my intangled suitors : I am also by office , an assisting sister of the Deacons , and a deuourer , in stead of a distributer of the alms . I am a speciall maker of marriages for our decayed Brethren , with our rich widdowes ; for a third part of their wealth , when they are marryed , for the reliefe of the poore elect : as also our poore handsome yong Virgins , with our wealthy Batchelors , or Widdowers ; to make them steale from their husbands , when I haue confirmed them in the faith , and got all put into their custodies . And if I ha' not my bargaine , they may sooner turne a scolding drab , in to a silent Minister , then make me leaue pronouncing reprobation , and damnation vnto them . Our elder , Zeale-of-the-land , would haue had me , but I know him to be the capitall Knaue of the land , making himselfe rich , by being made Feoffee in trust to deceased Brethren , and coozning their heyres , by swearing the absolute gift of their inheritance . And thus hauing eas'd my conscience , and vtter'd my heart , with the tongue of my loue : enioy all my deceits together . I beseech you . I should not haue reuealed this to you , but that in time I thinke you are mad , and I hope you 'll thinke mee so too , Sir ? QVA. Stand aside , I 'le answer you , presently . Why should not I marry this sixe thousand pound , now I thinke on 't ? and a good trade too , that shee has beside , ha ? The tother wench , Winwife , is sure of ; there 's no expectation for me there ! here I may make my selfe some sauer , yet , if shee continue mad , there 's the question . It is money that I want , why should I not marry the money , when 't is offer'd mee ? I haue a License and all , it is but razing out one name , and putting in another . There 's no playing with a man's fortune ! I am resolu'd ! I were truly mad , an' I would not ! well , come your wayes , follow mee , an' you will be mad , I 'll shew you a warrant ! PVR. Most zealously , it is that I zealously desire . IVS. Sir , let mee speake with you . QVA. By whose warrant ? IVS. The warrant that you tender , and respect so ; Iustice Ouerdoo's ! I am the man , friend Trouble-all , though thus disguis'd ( as the carefull Magistrate ought ) for the good of the Republique , in the Fayre , and the weeding out of enormity . Doe you want a house or meat , or drinke , or cloathes ? speake whatsoeuer it is , it shall be supplyed you , what want you ? QVA. Nothing but your warrant . IVS. My warrant ? for what ? QVA. To be gone , Sir. IVS. Nay , I pray thee stay , I am serious , and haue not many words , nor much time to exchange with thee ; thinke what may doe thee good . QVA. Your hand and seale , will doe me a great deale of good ; nothing else in the whole Fayre , that I know . IVS. If it were to any end , thou should'st haue it willingly . QVA. Why , it will satisfie me , that 's end enough , to looke on ; an' you will not gi' it mee , let me goe . IVS. Alas ! thou shalt ha' it presently : I 'll but step into the Scriueners , The Iustice goes out . hereby , and bring it . Doe not go away . QVA. Why , this mad mans shape , will proue a very fortunate one , I thinke ! can a ragged robe produce these effects ? if this be the wise Iustice , and he bring mee his hand , I shall goe neere to make some vse on 't . Hee is come already ! IVS. and returns . Looke thee ! heere is my hand and seale , Adam Ouerdoo , if there be any thing to be written , aboue in the paper , that thou want'st now , or at any time hereafter ; thinke on 't ; it is my deed , I deliuer it so , can your friend write ? QVA. Hee vrgeth Mistresse Purecraft . Her hand for a witnesse , and all is well . IVS. With all my heart . QVA. Why should not I ha' the conscience , to make this a bond of a thousand pound ? now , or what I would else ? IVS. Looke you , there it is ; and I deliuer it as my deede againe . QVA. Let vs now proceed in madnesse . IVS. He takes her in with him . Well , my conscience is much eas'd ; I ha' done my part , though it doth him no good , yet Adam hath offer'd satisfaction ! The sting is remoued from hence : poore man , he is much alter'd with his affliction , it has brought him low ! Now , for my other worke , reducing the young man ( I haue follow'd so long in loue ) from the brinke of his bane , to the center of safety . Here , or in some such like vaine place , I shall be sure to finde him . I will waite the good time . ACT. V. SCENE . IIJ. COKES . SHAKRVVEL . IVSTICE . FILCHER . IOHN . LANTERNE . HOw now ? what 's here to doe ? friend , art thou the Master of the Monuments ? SHA. 'T is a Motion , an 't please your worship . IVS. My phantasticall brother in Law , Master Bartholmew Cokes ! COK. A Motion , what 's that ? He reads the Bill . The ancient moderne history of Hero , and Leander , otherwise called The Touchstone of true Loue , with as true a tryall of friendship , betweene Damon , and Pithias , two faithfull friends o' the Bankside ? pretty i'faith , what 's the meaning on 't ? is 't an Enterlude ? or what is 't ? FIL. Yes Sir , please you come neere , wee 'll take your money within . COK. Backe with these children ; The boyes o' the Fayre follow him . they doe so follow mee vp and downe . IOH. By your leaue , friend . FIL. You must pay , Sir , an' you goe in . IOH. Who , I ? I perceiue thou know'st not mee : call the Master o' the Motion . SHA What , doe you not know the Author , fellow Filcher ? you must take no money of him ; he must come in gratis : Mr. Little-wit is a voluntary ; he is the Author . IOH. Peace , speake not too lowd , I would not haue any notice taken , that I am the Author , till wee see how it passes . COK. Master Littlewit , how do'st thou ? IOH. Master Cokes ! you are exceeding well met : what , in your doublet , and hose , without a cloake , or a hat ? COK. I would I might neuer stirre , as I am an honest man , and by that fire ; I haue lost all i' the Fayre , and all my acquaintance too ; did'st thou meet any body that I know , Master Littlewit ? my man Numps , or my sister Ouerdoo , or Mistresse Grace ? pray thee Master Littlewit , lend mee some money to see the Interlude , here . I 'le pay thee againe , as I am a Gentleman . If thou 'lt but carry mee home , I haue money enough there . IOH. O , Sir , you shall command it , what , will a crowne serue you ? COK. I think it well , what do we pay for comming in , fellowes ? FIL. Two pence , Sir. COK. Two pence ? there 's twelue pence , friend ; Nay , I am a Gallant , as simple as I looke now ; if you see mee with my man about me , and my Artillery , againe . IOH. Your man was i' the Stocks , ee'n now , Sir. COK. Who , Numps ? IOH. Yes faith . COK. For what i' saith , I am glad o' that ; remember to tell me on 't anone ; I haue enough , now ! What manner of matter is this , Mr. Littl● wit ? What kind of Actors ha' you ? Are they good Actors ? IOH. Pretty youthes , Sir , all children both old and yong , heer 's the Master of 'hem — ( LAN. Leatherhead whispers to Littl-wit . Call me not Leatherhead , but Lanterne . ) IOH. Master Lanterne , that giues light to the businesse , COK ▪ In good time , Sir , I would faine see 'hem , I would be glad drinke with the young company ; which is the Tiring-house ? LAN. Troth , Sir , our Tiring-house is somewhat little , we are but beginners , yet , pray pardon vs ; you cannot goe vpright in 't . COK. No ? not now my hat is off ? what would you haue done with me , if you had had me , feather , and all , as I was once to day ? Ha' you none of your pretty impudent boyes , now ; to bring stooles , fill Tabacco , fetch Ale , and beg money , as they haue at other houses ? let me see some o' your Actors . ION. Shew him 'hem , shew him ' hem . Master Lanterne , this is a Gentleman , that is a fauorer of the quality . IVS. I , the fauouring of this licencious quality , is the consumption of many a young Gentleman ; a pernicious enormity . COK. What , doe they liue in baskets ? LEA. He brings them out in a basket . They doe lye in a basket , Sir , they are o' the small Players . COK. These be Players minors , indeed . Doe you call these Players ? LAN. They are Actors , Sir , and as good as any , none disprais'd , for dumb showes : indeed , I am the mouth of 'hem all ! COK. Thy mouth will hold 'hem all . I thinke , one Taylor , would goe neere to beat all this company , with a hand bound behinde him . IOH. I , and eate 'hem all , too , an' they were in cake-bread . COK. I thanke you for that , Master Littlewit , a good ●est ! which is your Burbage now ? LAN. What meane you by that , Sir ? COK. Your best Actor . Your Field ? IOH. Good ifaith ! you are euen with me , Sir. LAN. This is he , that acts young Leander , Sir. He is extreamly belou'd of the womenkind , they doe so affect his action , the green gamesters , that come here , and this is louely Hero ; this with the beard , Damon ; and this pretty Pythias : this is the ghost of King Dionysius in the habit of a scriuener : as you shall see anone , at large . COK. Well they are a ciuill company , I like 'hem for that ; they offer not to fleere , nor geere , nor breake iests , as the great Players doe : And then , there goes not so much charge to the feasting of 'hem , or making 'hem drunke , as to the other , by reason of their littlenesse . Doe they vse to play perfect ? Are they neuer fluster'd ? LAN. No , Sir. I thanke my industry , and policy for it ; they are as well gouern'd a company , though I say it — And heere is young Leander , is as proper an Actor of his inches ; and shakes his head like an hostler . COK. But doe you play it according to the printed booke ? I haue read that . LAN. By no meanes , Sir. COK. No ? How then ? LAN. A better way , Sir , that is too learned , and poeticall for our audience ; what doe they know what Hellespont is ? Guilty of true loues blood ? or what Abidos is ? or the other Sestos hight ? COK. Th' art i' the right , I do not know my selfe . LAN. No , I haue entreated Master Littlewit , to take a little paines to reduce it to a more familiar straine for our people . COK. How , I pray thee , good Mr. Littlewit ? IOH. It pleases him to make a matter of it , Sir. But there is no such matter I assure you : I haue onely made it a little easie , and moderne for the times , Sir , that 's all ; As , for the Hellespont I imagine our Thames here ; and then Leander , I make a Diers sonne , about Puddle-wharfe : and Hero a wench o' the Banke-side , who going ouer one morning , to old fish-street ; Leander spies her land at Trigsstayers , and falls in loue with her : Now do I introduce Cupid , hauing Metamorphos'd himselfe into a Drawer , and hee strikes Hero in loue with a pint of Sherry , and other pretty passages there are , o' the friendship , that will delight you , Sir , and please you of iudgement . COK. I 'll be sworne they shall ; I am in loue with the Actors already , and I 'll be allyed to them presently . ( They respect gentlemen , these fellowes ) Hero shall be my fayring : But , which of my fayrings ? ( Le' me see ) i'faith , my fiddle ! and Leander my fiddle-sticke : Then Damon , my drum ; and Pythias , my Pipe and the ghost of Dionysius , my hobby-horse . All fitted . ACT. V. SCENE IV. To them WIN-WIFE . GRACE . KNOCKHVM . WHITT . EDGVVORTH . VVIN. Mistris OVERDOO . And to them VVASPE . Looke yonder 's your Cokes gotten in among his play-fellowes ; I thought we could not misse him , at such a Spectacle . GRA. Let him alone , he is so busie , he will neuer spie vs. LEA. Nay , good Sir. COK. I warrant thee , I will not hurt her , fellow ; what dost think me vnciuill ? I pray thee be not iealous : I am toward a wife . IOH ▪ Well good Master Lanterne , make ready to begin , that I may fetch my wife , and looke you be perfect , you vndoe me else , i' my reputation . LAN. I warrant you Sir , doe not you breed too great an expectation of it , among your friends : that 's the onely hurter of these things . IOH. No , no , no. COK. I 'll stay here , and see ; pray thee let me see . WIN-VV. How diligent and troublesome he is ! GRA. The place becomes him , me thinkes . IVS. My ward , Mistresse Grace in the company of a stranger ? I doubt I shall be compell'd to discouer my selfe , before my time ! FIL. Two pence a piece Gentlemen , an excellent Motion . KNO. The doore-keepers speake . Shall we haue fine fire-works , and good vapours ! SHA. Yes Captaine , and water-works , too . WHI. I pree dee , take a care o'dy shmall Lady , there , Edgworth ; I will looke to dish tall Lady my selfe . LAN. Welcome Gentlemen , welcome Gentlemen . WHI. Predee , Mashter o'de Monshtersh , helpe a very sicke Lady , here , to a chayre , to shit in . LAN. Presently , Sir. WHI. They bring Mistr●s Ouerdoo a chayre . Good fait now , Vrsla's Ale , and Aqua-vitae ish to blame for 't ; shit downe shweet heart , shit downe ▪ and shleep a little . EDG. Madame , you are very welcom hither . KNO. Yes , and you shall see very good vapours . IVS. Here is my care come ! I like to see him in so good company ; and yet I wonder that persons of such fashion , should resort hither ! EDG. This is a very priuate house , Madame . LAN. Will it please your Ladiship sit , Madame ? WIN. Yes good-man . They doe so all to be Madame mee , I thinke they thinke me a very Lady ! EDG. What else Madame ? WIN. Must I put off my masque to him ? EDG. O , by no meanes . WIN. How would my husband know mee , then ? KNO. Husband ? an idle vapour ; he must not know you , nor you ●im ; there 's the true vapour . IVS. Y●● , I will obserue more of this : is this a Lady , friend ? WHI. I and 〈◊〉 is anoder Lady , shweet heart ; if dou hasht a minde to 'hem gi●e me twelue pence from tee , and dou shalt haue eder-oder on ' hem ! IVS. I ? This will prooue my chiefest enormity : I will follow this . EDG , Is not this a finer life , Lady , then to be clogg'd with a husband ? WIN. Yes , a great deale . When will they beginne , trow ? in the name o' the Motion ? EDG. By and by Madame , they stay but for company . KNO. Doe you heare , Puppet . Master , these are tedious vapours ; when begin you ? LAN. We stay but for Master Littlewit , the Author , who is gone for his wife ; and we begin presently . WIN. That 's I , that 's I. EDG. That was you , Lady ; but now you are no such poore thing . KNO. Hang the Authors wife , a running vapour ! here be Ladies , will stay for nere a Delia o 'hem all . WHI. But heare mee now , heere ish one o'de Ladish , a shleep , stay till shee but vake man. WAS. How now friends ? what 's heere to doe ? FIL. Two pence a piece , Sir , the best Motion , in the Fayre . WAS. I beleeue you lye ; if you doe , I 'll haue my money againe , and beat you . WIN. Numps is come ! WAS. Did you see a Master of mine , come in here , a tall yong Squire of Harrow o' the Hill ; Master Bartholmew Cokes ? FIL. I thinke there be such a one , within . WAS. Looke hee be , you were best : but it is very likely : I wonder I found him not at all the rest . I ha' beene at the Eagle , and the blacke Wolfe , and the Bull with the fiue legges , and two pizzles ; ( hee was a Calfe at Vxbridge Fayre , two yeeres agone ) And at the dogges that daunce the Morrice , and the Hare o' the Taber ; and mist him at all these ! Sure this must needs be some fine sight , that holds him so , if it haue him . COK. Come , come , are you ready now ? LAN. Presently , Sir. WAS. Hoyday , hee 's at worke in his Dublet , and hose ; doe you heare , Sir ? are you imploy'd ? that you are bare headed , and so busie ? COK. Hold your peace , Numpes ; you ha' beene i' the Stocks , I heare . WAS. Do's he know that ? nay , then the date of my Authority is out ; I must thinke no longer to raigne , my gouernment is at an end . He that will correct another , must want fault in himselfe . WIN-W. Sententious Numps ! I neuer heard so much from him , before . LAN. Sure , Master Littlewit will not come ; please you take your place , Sir , wee 'll beginne . COK. I pray thee doe , mine eares long to be at it ; and my eyes too . O Numps , i' the Stocks , Numps ? where 's your sword , Numps ? WAS. I pray you intend your game , Sir , let me alone . COK. Well then , we are quit for all . Come , sit downe , Numps ; I 'le interpret to thee : did you see Mistresse Grace ? it's no matter , neither , now I thinke on 't , tell mee anon . WIN-W. A great deale of loue , and care , he expresses . GRA. Alas ! would you haue him to expresse more then hee has ? that were tyranny . COK. Peace , ho ; now , now . LAN. Gentles , that no longer your expectations may wander , Behold our chief Actor , amorous Leander . With a great deale of cloth , lap'd about him like a Scarfe , For he yet serues his father , a Dyer at Puddle wharfe , Which place wee 'll make bold with , to call it our Abidus , As the Banke-side is our Sestos , and let it not be deny'd vs. Now , as he is beating , to make the Dye take the fuller , Who chances to come by , but faire Hero , in a Sculler ; And seeing Leanders naked legge , and goodly calfe , Cast at him , from the boat , a Sheepes eye , and a halfe . Now she is landed , and the Sculler come backe ; By and by , you shall see what Leander doth lacke . PVP. L. Cole , Cole , old Cole . LAN. That is the Scullers name without controle . PVP. L. Cole , Cole , I say , Cole . LAN. We doe heare you . PVP. L. Old Cole . LAN Old cole ? Is the Dyer turn'd Collier ? how do you sell ? PVP. L. A pox o' your maners , kisse my hole here , and smell . LAN. Kisse your hole , and smell ? there 's manners indeed . PVP. L. Why , Cole , I say , Cole . LAN. It 's the Sculler you need ! PVP. L. I , and be hang'd . LAN. Be hang'd ; looke you yonder , Old Cole , you must go hang with Master Leander . PVP. C. Where is he ? PVP. L. Here , Cole , what fayerest of Fayers , was that fare , that thou landedst but now a Trigsstayres ? COK. What was that , fellow ? Pray thee tell me , I scarse vnderstand ' hem . LAN. Leander do's aske , Sir , what fayrest of Fayers , Was the fare thhe landed , but now , at Trigsstayers ? PVP. C. It is louely Hero. PVP. L. Nero ? PVP. C. No , Hero. LAN. It is Hero. Of the Bankside , he saith ▪ to tell you truthwith out erring , Is come ouer into Fish-street to eat some fresh herring . Leander sayes no more , but as fast as he can , Gets on all his best cloathes ; and will after to the Swan . COK. Most admirable good , is 't not ? LAN. Stay , Sculler . PVP. C. What say you ? LAN. You must stay for Leander , and carry him to the wench . PVP. C. You Rogue , I am no Pandar . COK. He sayes he is no Pandar . 'T is a fine language ; I vnderstand it , now . LAN. Are you no Pandar , Goodman Cole ? heer 's no man sayes you are , You 'll grow a hot Cole , it seemes , pray you stay for your fare . PVP. C. Will hee come away ? LAN. What doe you say ? PVP. C. I 'de ha' him come away . LEA. VVould you ha' Leander come away ? why 'pray' Sir , stay . You are angry , Goodman Cole ; I beleeue the faire Mayd Came ouer w' you a' trust : tell vs Sculler , are you paid . PVP. C. Yes Goodman Hogrubber , o' Pickt-hatch . LAV : How , Hogrubber , o' Pickt-hatch ? PVP. C. I Hogrubber o' Pickt-hatch . Take you that . LAN. O , my head ! The Puppet strikes him ouer the pate PVP. C. Harme watch , harme catch . COK. Harme watch , harme catch , he sayes : very good i' faith , the Sculler had like to ha' knock'd you , sirrah . LAN. Yes , but that his fare call'd him away . PVP. L. Row apace , row apace , row , row , row , row , row . LAN. You are knauishly loaden , Sculler , take heed where you goe . PVP. C. Knaue i' your face , Goodman Rogue . PVP. L Row , row , row , row , row , row . COK. Hee said knaue i' your face , friend . LAN. I Sir , I heard him . But there 's no talking to these water●men , they will ha' the last word COK. God's my life ! I am not allied to the Sculler , yet ; hee shall be Dauphin my boy . But my Fiddle-sticke do's fiddle in and out too much ; I pray thee speake to him , on 't : tell him , I would haue him tarry in my sight , more . LAN. I Pray you be content ; you 'll haue enough on him , Sir. Now gentles , I take it , here is none of you so stupid , but that you haue heard of a little god of loue , call'd Cupid . VVho out of kindnes to Leander , hearing he but ( aw her , this present day and houre , doth turne himselfe to a Drawer . And because , he would haue their first meeting to be merry , he strikes Hero in loue to him , with a pint of Sherry . VVhich he tells her ▪ from amorous Leander is sent her , PVP. Leander goes into Mistris Hero's room who after him , into the roome of Hero , doth venter . PVP. IO : A pint of sacke , score a pint of sacke , i' the Conney . COK. Sack ? you said but ee'n now it should be Sherry . PVP. IO : Why so it is ; sherry , sherry , sherry . COK. Sherry , sherry , sherry . By my troth he makes me merry . I must haue a name for Cupid , too . Let me see , thou mightst helpe me now , an' thou wouldest , Numps , at a dead lift , but thou art dreaming o' the stocks , still ! Do not thinke on 't , I haue forgot it : 't is but a nine dayes wonder , man ; let it not trouble thee . WAS. I would the stocks were about your necke , Sir ; condition I hung by the heeles in them , till the wonder were off from you , with all my heart . COK. Well said resolute Numps : but hearke you friend , where is the friendship , all this while , betweene my Drum , Damon ; and my Pipe , Pythias ? LAN. You shall see by and by , Sir ? COK. You thinke my Hobby-horse is forgotten , too ; no , I 'll see ▪ 'hem all enact before I go ; I shall not know which to loue best , else KNO. This Gallant has interrupting vapours , troublesome vapours , Whitt , puffe with him . WHIT. No , I pre dee , Captaine , let him alone . Hee is a Child i' faith , la ' . LAN. Now gentles , to the freinds , who in number , are two , and lodg'd in that Ale-house , in which faire Hero do's doe . Damon ( for some kindnesse done him the last weeke ) is come faire Hero , in Fish-streete , this morning to seeke : Pythias do's smell the knauery of the meeting , and now you shall see their true friendly greeting . PVP. Pi. You whore-masterly Slaue , you· COK. Whore-masterly slaue , you ? very friendly , & familiar , that . PVP. Da. Whore-master i' thy face , Thou hast lien with her thy selfe , I 'll proue 't i'th is place . COK. Damon sayes Pythias has lien with her , himselfe , hee 'll prooue 't in this place . LAN. They are Whore-masters both , Sir , that 's a plaine case . PVP. Pi. You lye , like a Rogue . LAN. Doe I ly , like a Rogue ? PVP. Pi. A Pimpe , and a Scabbe . LAN. A Pimpe , and a Scabbe ? I say between you , you haue both but one Drabbe . PVP. Da. You lye againe . LAN. Doe I lye againe ? PVP. Da. Like a Rogue againe . LAN. Like a Rogue againe ? PVP. Pi. And you are a Pimpe , againe . COK. And you are a Pimpe againe , he sayes . PVP. Da. And a Scabbe , againe . COK. And a Scabbe againe , he sayes . LAN. And I say againe , you are both whore-masters againe , They fight . and you haue both but one Drabbe againe . PVP. Da. Pi. Do'st thou , do'st thou , do'st thou ? AN. What , both at once ? PVP. P. Downe with him , Damon PVP. D. Pinke his guts , Pythias ▪ LAN. What , so malicious ? will ye murder me , Masters both , i'mine owne house ? COK. Ho! well acted my Drum , well acted my Pipe , well acted still . WAS. Well acted , with all my heart . LAN. Hld , hold your hands COK. I , both your hands , for ▪ my sake ! for you ha' both done well . PVP. D. Gramercy pure Pythias . PVP. P. Gramercy , Deare Damon . COK. Gramercy to you both , my Pipe , and my drum . PVP. P. D. Come now wee 'll together to breakfast to Hero. LAN. 'T is well , you can now go to breakfast to Hero , you haue giuen many breakfast , with a hone and honero . COK. How is 't friend , ha' they hurt thee ? LAN. O no! Betweene you and I Sir , we doe but make show . Thus Gentles you perceiue , without any deniall , 'twixt Damon and Pythias here , friendships true tryall . Though hourely they quarrell thus , and roare each with other , they fight you no more , then do's brother with brother . But friendly together , at the next man they meet , they let fly their anger as here you might see 't . COK. Well , we haue seen 't , and thou hast felt it , whatsoeuer thou sayest , what 's next ? what 's next ? LEA. This while young Leander , with faire Hero is drinking , and Hero growne drunke , to any mans thinking ! Yet was it not three pints of Sherry could flaw her . till Cupid distinguish'd like Ionas the Drawer , From vnder his apron , where his lechery lurkes , put loue in her Sacke . Now marke how it workes . PVP. H. O Leander Leander , my deare my deare Leander , I 'le for euer be thy goose , so thou 'lt be my gander● COK. Excellently well said , Fiddle , shee 'll euer be his goose , so hee 'll be her gander : was 't not so ? LAN. Yes , Sir , but marke his answer , now : PVP. L· And sweetest of geese , before I goe to bed , I 'll swimme o're the Thames , my goose , thee to tread . COK. Braue ! he will swimme o're the Thames , and tread his goose , too night , he sayes . LAN. I , peace , Sir , the 'll be angry , if they heare you eaues-dropping , now they are setting their match . PVP. L. But lest the Thames should be dark , my goose , my deare friend , let thy window be prouided of a candles end . PVP. H. Feare not my gander , I protest , I should handle my matters very ill , if I had not a whole candle . PVP. L. Well then , looke to 't , and kisse me to boote . LAN. Now , heere come the friends againe , Pythias , and Damon , and vnder their clokes , Damon and Pythias enter . they haue of Bacon , a gammon . PVP. P. Drawer , fill some wine heere . LAN. How , some wine there ? there 's company already , Sir , pray forbeare ! PVP. D. 'T is Hero. LAN. Yes , but shee will not be taken , after sacke , and fresh herring , with your Dunmow - bacon . PVP. P You lye , it 's Westfabian . LAN. Westphalian you should say . PVP. D. Leander and Hero are kissing . If you hold not your peace , you are a Coxcombe , I would say . PVP. What 's here ? what 's here ? kisse , kisse , vpon kisse . LAN. I , Wherefore should they not ? what harme is in this ? 't is Mistresse Hero. PVP. D. Mistresse Hero's a whore . LAN. Is shee a whore ? keepe you quiet , or Sir Knaue out of dore . PVP. D. Knaue out of doore ? PVP. H. Yes , Knaue , out of doore . PVP. D. Whore out of doore . PVP. H. Heere the Puppets quarrell and fall together by the eares . I say , Knaue , out of doore . PVP. D. I say , whore , out of doore . PVP. P. Yea , so say I too . PVP. H. Kisse the whore o' the arse . LAN. Now you ha' something to doe : you must kisse her o' the arse shee sayes : PVP. D. P. So we will , so we will. PVP. H. O my hanches , O my hanches , hold , hold . LAN. Stand'st thou still ? Leander , where art thou ? stand'st thou still like a sot , and not offer'st to breake both their heads with a pot ? See who 's at thine elbow , there ! Puppet Ionas and Cupid . PVP. I. Vpon 'hem Leander , be not so stupid . They fight . PVP. L. You Goat-bearded slaue ! PVP. D. You whore-master Knaue . PVP. L. Thou art a whore-master . PVP. I. Whore-masters all . LAN. See , Cupid with a word has tane vp the brawle . KNO. These be fine vapours ! COK. By this good day they fight brauely ! doe they not , Numps ? WAS. Yes , they lack'd but you to be their second , all this while . LAN. This tragicall encounter , falling out thus to busie vs , It raises vp the ghost of their friend Dionysius : Not like a Monarch , but the Master of a Schoole , in a Scriueners furr'd gowne , which shewes he is no foole . for therein he hath wit enough to keepe himselfe warme . O Demon he cries , and Pythias ; what harme , Hath poore Dionysius done you in his graue , That after his death , you should fall out thus , and raue , And call amorous Leander whore-master Knaue ? PVP. D. I cannot , I will not , I promise you endure it . ACT. V. SCENE . V. To them BVSY. BVS. Downe with Dagon , downe with Dagon ; 't is I , will no longer endure your prophanations . LAN. What meane you , Sir ? BVS. I wil remoue Dagon there , I say , that Idoll , that heathenish Idoll , that remaines ( as I may say ) a beame , a very beame , not a beame of the Sunne , nor a beame of the Moone , nor a beame of a ballance , neither a house-beame , nor a Weauers beame , but a beame in the eye , in the eye of the brethren ; a very great beame , an exceeding great beame ; such as are your Stage players , Rimers , and Morrise-dancers , who haue walked hand in hand , in contempt of the Brethren , and the Cause ; and beene borne out by instruments , of no meane countenance . LAN. Sir , I present nothing , but what is licens'd by authority . BAS. Thou art all license , euen licentiousnesse it selfe , Shimei ! LAN. I haue the Master of the Reuell's hand for 't , Sir. BVS. The Master of Rebells hand , thou hast ; Satan's ! hold thy peace , thy scurrility shut vp thy mouth , thy profession is damnable , and in pleading for it , thou dost plead for Baal . I haue long opened my mouth wide , and gaped , I haue gaped as the oyster for the tide after thy destruction ▪ but cannot compasse it by sute , or dispute ; so thar I looke for a bickering , ere long , and then a battell . KNO. Good Banbury-vapours . COK. Friend , you 'ld haue an ill match on 't , if you bicker with him here , though he be no man o' the fist , hee has friends that will goe to cuffes for him , Numps , will not you take our side ? EDG. Sir , it shall not need , in my minde ; he offers him a fairer course , to end it by disputation ! hast thou nothing to say for thy selfe , in defence of thy quality ? LAN. Faith , Sir , I am not well studied in these controuersies , betweene the hypocrites and vs. But here 's one of my Motion , Puppet Donisius shall vndertake him , and I 'le venture the cause on 't . COK. Who ? my Hobby-horse ? will he dispute with him ? LAN. Yes , Sir , and make a Hobby-Asse of him , I hope . COK. That 's excellent ! indeed he lookes like the best scholler of 'hem all . Come , Sir , you must be as good as your word , now . BVS. I will not feare to make my spirit , and gifts knowne ! assist me zeale , fill me , fill me , that is , make me full . WIN-W. What a desperate , prophane wretch is this ! is there any Ignorance , or impudence like his ? to call his zeale to fill him against a Puppet ? QVA. I know no fitter mat●h , then a Puppet to commit with an Hypocrite ! BVS. First , I say vnto thee , Idoll , thou hast no Calling . PVP. D. You lie , I am call'd Dionisius . LAN. The Motion sayes you lie , he is call'd Dionisius i the matter , and to that calling he answers . BVS. I meane no vocation , Idoll , no present lawfull Calling . PVP. D. Is yours a lawfull Calling ? LAN. The Motion asketh , if yours be a lawfull Calling ? BVS. Yes , mine is of the Spirit . PVP. D. Then Idoll is a lawfull Calling . LAN. He saies , then Idoll is a lawfull Calling ! for you call'd him Idoll , and your Calling is of the spirit . COK. Well disputed , Hobby-horse ! BVS. Take not part with the wicked young Gallant ▪ He neygheth and hinneyeth , all is but hir nying Sophistry . I call him Idoll againe . Yet , I say , his Calling , his Profession is prophane , it is prophane , Idoll . PVP. D. It is not prophane ! LAN. It is not prophane , he sayes . BVS. It is prophane . PVP. It is not prophane . BVS. It is prophane . PVP. It is not prophane . LAN Well said , confute him with not , still . You cannot beare him downe with your base noyse , Sir. BVS. Nor he me , with his treble creeking , though he creeke like the chariot wheeles of Satan ; I am zealous for the Cause — LAN. As a dog for a bone . BVS. And I say , it is prophane , as being the Page of Pride , and the waiting woman of vanity . PVP. D. Yea ? what say you to your Tire-women , then ? LAN. Good. PVP. Or feather-makers i' the Fryers , that are o' your faction of faith ? Are not they with their perrukes , and their puffes , their fannes , and their huffes , as much Pages of Pride , and waiters vpon vanity ? what say you ? what say you ? what say you ? BVS. I will not answer for them . PVP. Because you cannot , because you cannot . Is a Bugle-maker a lawfull Calling ? or the Confect-makers ? such you haue there : or your French Fashioner ? you 'ld haue all the sinne within your selues , would you not ? would you not ? BVS. No , Dagon . PVS. What then , Dagonet ? is a Puppet worse then these ? BVS. Yes , and my maine argument against you , is , that you are an abomination : for the Male , among you , putteth on the apparell of the Female , and the Female of the Male. PVP. You lye , you lye , you lye abominably . COK. Good , by my troth , he has giuen him the lye thrice . PVP. It is your old stale argument against the Players , but it will not hold against the Puppets ; for we haue neyther Male nor Female amongst vs. And that thou may'st see , if thou wilt , The Puppet takes vp his garment . like a malicious purblinde zeale as thou art ! EDG. By my faith , there he has answer'd you , friend ; by playne demonstration . PVP. Nay , I 'le proue , against ere a Rabbin of 'hem all , that my standing is as lawfull as his ; that I speak by inspiration , as well as he ; that I haue as little to doe with learning as he ; and doe scorne her helps as much as he . BVS , I am confuted , the Cause hath failed me . PVS. Then be conuerted , be conuerted . LAN. Be conuerted , I pray you , and let the Play goe on ! BVS. Let it goe on . For I am changed , and will become a beholder with you ! COK. That 's braue i'saith , thou hast carryed it away , Hobby-horse , on with the Play ! IVS. Stay , now do I forbid , I Adam Ouerdoo ! sit still , I charge you . The Iustice discouers himselfe . COK. What , my Brother i'law ! GRA. My wise Guardian ! EDG. Iustice Ouerdoo ! IVS. It is time , to take Enormity by the fore head , and brand it ▪ for , I haue discouer'd enough . ACT. V. SCENE . VI. To them , QVARLOVS . ( like the Mad-man ) PVRE-CRAFT . ( a while after ) IOHN . to them TROVBLE-ALL . VRSLA. NIGHTIGALE . QVAR. Nay , come Mistresse Bride . You must doe as I doe , now . You must be mad with mee , in truth . I haue heere Iustice Ouerdoo for it . IVS. Peace good Trouble-all ; come hither , and you shall trouble n●ne . To the Cutpurse , and Mistresse Litwit . I will take the charge of you , and your friend too , you also , young man shall be my care , stand there . EDG. Now , mercy vpon mee . KNO. Would we were away , Whit , these are dangerous vapours , The rest are stealing away . best fall off with our birds , for feare o' the Cage . IVS. Stay , is not my name your terror ? WHI. Yesh faith man , and it ish fot tat , we would be gone man. IOH. O Gentlemen ! did you not see a wife of mine ? I ha' lost my little wife , as I shall be trusted : my little pretty Win , I left her at the great woman's house in trust yonder , the Pig-womans , with Captaine Iordan , and Captaine Whit , very good men , and I cannot heare of her . Poore foole , I feare shee 's stepp'd aside . Mother , did you not see Win ? IVS. If this graue Matron be your mother , Sir , stand by her , Et digito compesc● labellum , I may perhaps spring a wife for you , anone . Brother Bartholmew , I am sadly sorry , to see you so lightly giuen , and such a Disciple of enormity : with your graue Gouernour Humphrey : but stand you both there , in the middle place ; I will reprehend you in your course . Mistresse Grace , let me rescue you out of the hands of the stranger . WIN-W. Pardon me , Sir , I am a kinsman of hers . IVS. Are you so ? of what name , Sir ? WIN-W. Winwife , Sir ▪ IVS. Master Winwife ? I hope you haue won no wife of her , Sir. If you haue , I will examine the possibility of it , at fit leasure . Now , to my enormities : looke vpon mee , O London ! and see mee , O Smithfield ; The example of Iustice , and Mirror of Magistrates : the true top of formality , and scourge of enormity . Harken vnto my labours , and but obserue my discoueries ; and compare Hercules with me , if thou dar'st , of old ; or Columbus ; Magellan ; or our countrey man Drake of later times : stand forth you weedes of enormity , and spread . First , Rabbi Busy , thou superlunaticall hypocrite , next , To Busy , To Lantern , To the horse courser , and Cutpurse . Then Cap. Whit , and Mistresse Littlewit . thou other extremity , thou prophane professor of Puppetry , little better then Poetry : then thou strong Debaucher , and Seducer of youth ; witnesse this easie and honest young man : now thou Esquire of Dames , Madams , and twelue-penny Ladies : now my greene Madame her selfe , of the price . Let mee vnmasque your Ladiship . IOH. O my wife , my wife , my wife ! IVS. Is she your wife ? Redde te Harpocratem ! TRO. By your leaue , stand by my Masters , be vncouer'd . VRS. O stay him , stay him , helpe to cry , Nightingale ; my pan , Enter Trouble-all . my panne . IVS. What 's the matter ? NIG. Hee has stolne gammar Vrsla's panne . TRO. Yes , and I feare no man but Iustice Ouerdoo . IVS. Vrsla ? where is she ? O the Sow of enormity , this ! To Vrsla , and Nightingale . welcome , stand you there , you Songster , there . VRS. An' please your worship , I am in no fault : A Gentleman stripp'd him in my Booth , and borrow'd his gown , and his hat ; and hee ranne away with my goods , here , for it . IVS· Then this is the true mad-man , and you are the enormity ! QVA. You are i' the right , I am mad , To Quarlous . but from the gowne outward . IVS. Stand you there . QVA. Where you please , Sir. OVER O lend me a bason , I am sicke , I am sicke ; Mistresse Ouerdoo is sicke : and her husband is silenc'd . where 's Mr. Ouerdoo ? Bridget , call hither my Adam . IVS. How ? WHI. Dy very owne wi●e , i'fait , worshipfull Adam . OVER. Will not my Adam come at mee ? shall I see him no more then ? QVA. Sir , why doe you not goe on with the enormity ? are you opprest with it ? I 'le helpe you : harke you Sir , i' your eare , your Innocent young man , you haue tane such care of , all this day , is a Cutpurse ; that hath got all your brother Cokes his things , and help'd you to your beating , and the stocks ; if you haue a minde to hang him now , and shew him your Magistrates wit , you may ▪ but I should think it were better , recouering the goods , and to saue your estimation in him . I thank you Sr. for the gift of your Ward , Mrs . Grace : look you , here is your hand & seale , by the way . Mr. Win-wife giue you ioy , you are Palemon , you are possest o' the Gentlewoman , but she must pay me value , here 's warrant for it . And honest mad-man , there 's thy gowne , and cap againe ; I thanke thee for my wife . Nay , I can be mad , sweet heart , when I please , still ; neuer feare me : To the widdow . And carefull Numps , where 's he ? I thanke him for my licence . WAS. Waspe misseth the Licence . How ! QVA. 'T is true , Numps . WAS. I 'll be hang'd then . QVA. Loke i' your boxe , Numps , nay , Sir , stand not you fixt here , like a stake in Finsbury to be shot at , or the whipping post i' the Fayre , but get your wife out o' the ayre , it wil make her worse else ; and remember you are but Adam , Flesh , and blood ! you haue your frailty , forget your other name of Ouerdoo , and inuite vs all to supper . There you and I will compare our discoueries ; and drowne the memory of all enormity in your bigg'st bowle at home . COK. How now , Numps , ha' you lost it ? I warrant , 't was when thou wert i' the stocks : why dost not speake ? WAS. I will neuer speak while I liue , againe , for ought I know . IVS. Nay , Humphrey , if I be patient , you must be so too ; this pleasant conceited Gentleman hath wrought vpon my iudgement , and preuail'd : I pray you take care of your sicke friend , Mistresse Alice , and my good friends all — QVA. And no enormities . IVS. I inuite you home , with mee to my house , to supper : I will haue none feare to go along , for my intents are Ad correctionem , non ad destructionem ; Ad aedificandum , non ad diruendum : so lead on . COK. Yes , and bring the Actors along , wee 'll ha' the rest o' the Play at home . The end . The EPILOGVE . YOur Maiesty hath seene the Play , and you can best allow it from your care , and view . You know the scope of Writers , and what store , of leaue is giuen them , if they take not more , And turne it into licence : you can tell if we haue vs'd that leaue you gaue vs , well ▪ Or whether wee to rage , or licence breake , or be prophane , or make prophane men speake ? This is your power to iudge ( great Sir ) and not the enuy of a few . Which if wee haue got , Wee value lesse what their dislike can bring , if it so happy be , t' haue pleas'd the King. THE DIUELL IS AN ASSE : A COMEDIE ACTED IN THE YEARE , 1616. BY HIS MAIESTIES SERVANTS . The Author BEN : IONSON . HOR. de ART . POET. Ficta voluptatis Causâ , sint proxima veris. LONDON , Printed by I. B. for ROBERT ALLOT , and are to be sold at the signe of the Beare , in Pauls Church-yard . 1631. THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY . SATAN . The great diuell . PVG. The lesse diuell . INIQVITY . The Vice. FITZ-DOTTRELL . A Squire of Norfolk . Mistresse FRANCES . His wife . MEERE-CRAFT . The Proiector . EVERILL . His champion . WITTIPOL· A young Gallant . MANLY. His friend . INGINE. A Broaker . TRAINES . The Proiectors man. GVILT-HEAD . A Gold-smith . PLVTARCHVS . His sonne . Sir POVLE EITHER-SIDE . A Lawyer , and Iustice. Lady EITHER-SIDE . His wife . Lady TAILE-BVSH . The Lady Proiectresse . PIT-FALL . Her woman . AMBLER . Her Gentleman vsher . SLEDGE . A Smith , the Constable . SHACKLES . Keeper of Newgate . SERIEANTS . The Scene , LONDON . The Prologue . THe DIVELL is an ASSE . That is , to day , The name of what you are met for , a new Play ▪ Yet Grandee's , would you were not come to grace Our matter , with allowing vs no place . Though you presume SATAN a subtill thing , And may haue heard hee 's worne in a thumbe-ring ; Doe not on these presumptions , force vs act , Incompasse of a cheese-trencher . This tract Will ne'er admit our vice , because of yours . Anone , who , worse then you , the fault endures That your selues make ? when you will thrust and spurne , And knocke vs o' the elbowes , and hid , turne ; As if , when wee had spoke , wee must be gone , Or , till wee speake , must all runne in , to one , Like the young adders , at the old ones mouth ? Would wee could stand due North ; or had no South , If that offend : or were Muscouy glasse , That you might looke our Scenes through as they passe . We know not how to affect you . If you 'll come To see new Playes , pray you affoord vs roome , And shew this , but the same face you ha●e done Your deare delight , the Diuell of Edmunton . Or , if , for want of roome it must mis-carry , 'T will be but Iustice , that your censure tarry , Till you giue some . And when sixe times you ha' seen 't , If this Play doe not like , the Diuell is in 't . THE DIVELL IS AN ASSE . ACT. I. SCENE . I. DIVELL . PVG. INIQVITY . HOh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , hoh , &c. To earth ? and why to earth , thou foolish Spirit ? What wold'st thou do on earth ? PVG. For that , great Chiefe ! As time shal work , I do but ask my mon'th . Which euery petty pui'nee Diuell has ; Within that terme , the Coutt of Hell will heare Something , may gaine a longer grant , perhaps . SAT. For what ? the laming a poore Cow , or two ? Entring a Sow , to make her cast her farrow ? Or crossing of a Mercat●womans Mare , 'Twixt this and Totnam ? these were wont to be Your maine atchieuements , Pug , you haue some plot , now , Vpon a ronning of Ale , to stale the yest , Or keepe the churne so , that the butter come not ; Spight o' the housewiues cord , or her hot spit ? Or some good Ribibe , about Kentish Towne , Or Hogsden , you would hang now , for a witch , Because shee will not let you play round Robbin : And you 'll goe sowre the Cittiens Creame 'gainst Sunday ? That shee may be accus'd for 't , and condemn'd , By a Middlesex Iury , to the satisfaction Of their offended friends , the Londoners wiues Whose teeth were set on edge with it ? Foolish feind , Stay i' your place , know your owne strengths , and put not Beyond the spheare of your actiuity . You are too dull a Diuell to be trusted Forth in those parts , Pug , vpon any affayre That may concerne our name , on earth . It is not Euery ones worke . The state of Hell must care Whom it imployes , in point of reputation , Heere about London . You would make , ● thinke An Agent , to be sent , for Lancashire , Proper inough ; or some parts of Northumberland , So yo' had good instructions , Pug. PVG. O Chiefe ! You doe not know , deare Chiefe , what there is in mee . Proue me but for a fortnight , for a weeke , And lend mee but a Vice , to carry with mee , To practice there-with any play-fellow , And , you will see , there will come more vpon 't , Then you 'll imagine , pretious Chiefe . SAT. What Vice ? What kind wouldst th'haue it of ? PVG. Why , any Fraud ; Or Couetousnesse ; or Lady Vanity ; Or old Iniquity : I 'll call him hither . INI. What is he , calls vpon me , and would seeme to lack a Vice ▪ Ere his words be halfe spoken , I am with him in a trice ; Here , there , and euery where , as the Cat is with the mice : True vetus Iniquitas . Lack'st thou Cards , friend , or Dice ? I will teach thee cheate , Child , to cog , lye , and swagger , And euer and anon , to be drawing forth thy dagger : To sweare by Gogs-nownes , like a lusty Inuentus , In a cloake to thy heele , and a hat like a pent-house . Thy breeches of three fingers , and thy doublet all belly , With a Wench that shall feede thee , with cock-stones and gelly . PVG. Is it not excellent , Chiefe ? how nimble he is ! INI. Child of hell , this is nothing ! I will fetch thee a leape From the top of Pauls-steeple , to the Standard in Cheepe : And lead thee a daunce , through the streets without faile , Like a needle of Spaine , with a thred at my tayle . We will suruay the Suburbs , and make forth our sallyes , Downe Petticoate-lane , and vp the Smock-allies , To Shoreditch , Whitechappell , and so to Saint Kathernes . To drinke with the Dutch there , and take forth their patternes : From thence , wee will put in at Custome-house key there , And see , how the Factors , and Prentizes play there , False with their Masters ; and gueld many a full packe , To spend it in pies , at the Dagger , and the Wool●sacke . PVG. Braue , braue , Iniquity ! will not this doe , Chiefe ? INI. Nay ▪ boy , I wil bring thee to the Bawds , and the Roysters , At Belins gate , feasting with claret-wine , and oysters , From thence shoot the Bridge , childe , to the Cranes i' the Vintry , And see , there the gimblets , how they make their entry ! Or , if thou hadst rather , to the Strand downe to ●all , 'Gainst the Lawyers come dabled from Westminster-hall And marke how they cling , with their clyents together , Like Iuie to Oake ; so Veluet to Leather : Ha , boy , I would shew thee . PVG. Rare , rare ! DIV. Peace , dotard , And thou more ignorant thing , that so admir'st . Art thou the spirit thou seem'st ? so poore ? to choose This , for a Vice , t' aduance the cause of Hell , Now ? as Vice stands this present yeere ? Remember , What number it is . Six hundred and sixteene . Had it but beene fiue hundred , though some sixty Aboue ; that 's fifty yeeres agone , and six , ( When euery great man had his Vice stand by him , In his long coat , shaking his wooden dagger ) I could consent , that , then this your graue choice Might haue done that , with his Lord Chiefe , the which Most of his chamber can doe now . But Pug , As the times are , who is it , will receiue you ? What company will you goe to ? or whom mix with ? Where canst thou carry him ? except to Tauernes ? To mount vp on a joynt-stoole , with a Iewes-trumpe , To put downe Cokeley , and that must be to Citizens ? He ne're will be admitted , there , where Vennor comes . Hee may perchance , in taile of a Sheriffes dinner , Skip with a rime o' the Table , from New-nothing , And take his Almaine-leape into a custard , Shall make my Lad Maioresse , and her sisters , Laugh all their hoods ouer their shoulders . But , This is not that will doe , they are other things That are receiu'd now vpon earth , for Vices ; Stranger , and newer : and chang'd euery houre . They ride 'hem like their horses off their legges , And here they come to Hell , whole legions of 'hem , Euery weeke tyr'd . Wee , still striue to breed , And reare 'hem vp new ones ; but they doe not stand , When they come there : they turne 'hem on our hands . And it is fear'd they haue a stud o' their owne Will put downe ours . Both our breed , and trade VVill suddenly decay , if we preuent not . Vnlesse it be a Vice of quality , Or fashion , now , they take none from vs. Car-men Are got into the yellow starch , and Chimney-sweepers To their tabacco , and strong-waters , Hum , Meath , and Obarni . VVe must therefore ayme At extraordinary subtill ones , now , VVhen we doe send to keepe vs vp in credit . Not old Iniquities . Get you e'ne backe , Sir , To making of your rope of sand againe . You are not for the manners , nor the times : They haue their Vices , there , most like to Vertues ; You cannnot know 'hem , apart , by any difference : They weare the same clothes , eate the same meate ▪ Sleepe i' the selfe-same beds , ride i'those coaches . Or very like , foure horses in a coach , As the best men and women . Tissue gownes , Garters and roses , fourescore pound a paire , Embroydred stockings , cut-worke smocks , and shirts , More certaine marks of lechery , now , and pride , Then ere they were of true nobility ! But Pug , since you doe burne with such desire To doe the Common-wealth of Hell some seruice ▪ I am content , assuming of a body , You goe to earth , and visit men , a day . But you must take a body ready made , Pug , I can create you none : nor shall you forme Your selfe an aery one , but become subiect To all impression of the flesh , you take , So farre as humane frailty . So , this morning , There is a handsome Cutpurse hang'd at Tiborne , Whose spirit departed , you may enter his body : For clothes imploy your credit , with the Hangman , Or let our tribe of Brokers furnish you . And , looke , how farre your subtilty can worke Thorow those organs , with that body , spye Amongst mankind , ( you cannot there want vices , And therefore the lesse need to carry 'hem wi' you ) But as you make your soone at nights relation , And we shall find , it merits from the State , You shall haue both trust from vs , and imployment . PVG. Most gracious Chiefe ! DIV. Onely , thus more I bind you , He shewes Fitz-dottrel to him , comming forth . To serue the first man that you meete ; and him I 'le shew you , now : Obserue him . You ' is hee , You shall see , first , after your clothing . Follow him : But once engag'd , there you must stay and fixe ; Not shift , vntill the midnights cocke doe crow . PVG. Any conditions to be gone . DIV. Away , then . ACT. I. SCENE . II. FITZ-DOTTRELL . I , they doe , now , name Bretnor , as before , They talk'd of Gresham , and of Doctor Fore-man , Francklin , and Fiske , and Sauory ( he was in too ) But there 's not one of these , that euer could Yet shew a man the Diuell , in true sort . They haue their christalls , I doe know , and rings , And virgin parchment , and their dead-mens ●culls Their rauens wings , their lights , and pentacles , With characters ; I ha' seene all these . But — Would I might see the Diuell . I would giue A hundred o'these pictures , to see him Once out of picture . May I proue a cuckold , ( And that 's the one maine mortall thing I feare ) If I beginne not , now , to thinke , the Painters Haue onely made him . 'Slight , he would be seene , One time or other else . He would not let An ancient gentleman , of a good house , As most are now in England , the Fitz-dottrel's , Runne wilde , and call vpon him thus in vaine , As I ha' done this twelue mone'th . If he be not , At all , why , are there Coniurers ? If they be not , Why , are there lawes against ' hem ? The best artists Of Cambridge , Oxford , Middlesex , and London , Essex , and Kent , I haue had in pay to raise him , These fifty weekes , and yet h' appeares not . 'Sdeath , I shall suspect , they , can make circles onely Shortly , and know but his hard names . They doe say , H 'will meet a man ( of himselfe ) that has a mind to him . If hee would so , I haue a minde and a halfe for him : He should not be long absent . Pray thee , come I long for thee . An' I were with child by him , And my wife , too ; I could not more . Come , yet , Good Beelezebub . Were hee a kinde diuell , And had humanity in him , hee would come , but To saue ones longing . I should vse him well , I sweare , and with respect ( would he would try mee ) Not , as the Conjurers doe , when they ha' rais'd him . Get him in bonds , and send him post , on errands . A thousand miles , it is preposterous , that : And I beleeue , is the true cause he comes not . And hee has reason . Who would be engag'd , That might liue freely , as he may doe ? I sweare , They are wrong all . The burn't child dreads the fire . They doe not know to entertaine the Diuell . I would so welcome him , obserue his diet , Get him his chamber hung with arras , two of ●hem , I' my own house ; lend him my wiues wrought pillowes : And as I am an honest man , I thinke , If he had a minde to her , too ; I should grant him , To make our friend-ship perfect . So I would not To euery man. If hee but heare me , now ? And should come to mee in a braue young shape , And take me at my word ? ha ! Who is this ? ACT. I. SCENE . IIJ. PVG. FITZ-DOTTRELL . SIR , your good pardon , that I thus presume Vpon your priuacy . I am borne a Gentleman , A younger brother ; but , in some disgrace , Now , with my friends : and want some little meanes , To keepe me vpright , while things be reconcil'd . Please you , to let my seruice be of vse to you , Sir. FIT. Seruice ? 'fore hell , my heart was at my mouth ▪ Hee lookes and suruay's his feet : ouer and ouer . Till I had view'd his shooes well : for , those roses Were bigge inough to hide a clouen foote . No , friend , my number 's full . I haue one seruant , Who is my all , indeed ; and , from the broome Vnto the brush : for , iust so farre , I trust him . He is my Ward-robe man , my Cater , Cooke , Butler , and Steward ; lookes vnto my horse : And helpes to watch my wife . H' has all the places , That I can thinke on , from the garret downward , E'en to the manger , and the curry-combe . PVG. Sir , I shall put your worship to no charge , More then my meate , and that but very little , I 'le serue you for your loue . FIT. Ha ? without wages ? I 'le harken o'th at eare , were I at leasure . But now , I 'm busie . ' Pr'y the , friend forbeare mee , And ' thou hadst beene a Diuell , I should say Somewhat more to thee . Thou dost hinder , now , My meditations . PVG. Sir , I am a Diuell . FIT. How ! PVG. A true Diuell , Sr. FIT. Nay , now , you ly : Vnder your fauour , friend , for , I 'll not quarrell . I look'd o' your feet , afore , you cannot coozen mee , Your shoo 's not clouen , Sir , you are whole hoof'd . He viewes his feete againe . PVG. Sir , that 's a popular error , deceiues many : But I am that , I tell you . FIT. What 's your name ? PVG. My name is Diuell , Sr. FIT. Sai'st thou true . PVG. Indeed , Sr. FIT. ' Slid ! there 's some omen i'th is ! what countryman ? PVG. Of Derby-shire , Sr. about the Peake . FIT. That Hole Belong'd to your Ancestors ? PVG. Yes , Diuells arse , Sr. FIT. I 'll entertaine him for the name sake . Ha ? And turne away my tother man ? and saue Foure pound a yeere by that ? there 's lucke , and thrift too ! The very Diuell may come , heereafter , as well . Friend , I receiue you : but ( withall ) I acquaint you , Aforehand , if yo' offend mee , I must beat you . It is a kinde of exercise , I vse . And cannot be without . PVG. Yes , if I doe not Offend , you can , sure . FIT. Faith , Diuell , very hardly : I 'll call you by your surname , 'cause I loue it . ACT. I. SCENE . IIII. INGINE. VVITTIPOL . MANLY. FITZDOTTRELL . PVG. YOnder hee walkes , Sir , I 'll goe lift him for you . WIT. To him , good Ingine , raise him vp by degrees , Gently , and hold him there too , you can doe it . Shew your selfe now , a Mathematicall broker . ING . I 'll warrant you for halfe a piece . WIT. 'T is done , Sr. MAN. Is 't possible there should be such a man ? WIT. You shall be your owne witnesse , I 'll not labour To tempt you past your faith . MAN. And is his wife So very handsome , say you ? WIT. I ha' not seene her , Since I came home from trauell : and they say , Shee is not alter'd . Then , before I went , I saw her once ; but so , as shee hath stuck Still i' my view , no obiect hath remou'd her . MAN. 'T is a faire guest , Friend , beauty : and once lodg'd Deepe in the eyes , shee hardly leaues the Inne . How do's he keepe her ? WIT. Very braue . Howeuer , Himselfe be sordide , hee is sensuall that way . In euery dressing , hee do's study her . MAN. And furnish forth himselfe so from the Brokers ? WIT. Yes , that 's a hyr'd suite , hee now has one , To see the Diuell is an Asse , to day , in ▪ ( This Ingine gets three or foure pound a weeke by him ) He dares not misse a new Play , or a Feast , What rate soeuer clothes be at ; and thinkes Himselfe still new , in other mens old . MAN. But stay , Do's he loue meat so ? WIT. Faith he do's not hate it . But that 's not it . His belly and his palate Would be compounded with for reason . Mary , A wit he has , of that strange credit with him , 'Gainst all mankinde ; as it doth make him doe Iust what it list : it rauishes him forth , Whither it please , to any assembly'or place , And would conclude him ruin'd , should hee scape One publike meeting , out of the beliefe He has of his owne great , and Catholike strengths , In arguing , and discourse . It takes , I see : ●'has got the cloak vpon him . FIT. A faire garment , By my faith , Ingine ! ING . It was neuer made , Sir , For three score pound , I assure you : 'T will yeeld thirty . The plush , Sir , cost three pound , ten shillings a yard ! And then the lace , and veluet . FIT. I shall , Ingine , Be look'd at , pretitly , in it ! Art thou sure The Play is play'd to day ? ING . ô here 's the bill , Sr. Hee giues him the Play-bill . I' , had forgot to gi 't you . FIT. Ha ? the Diuell ! I will not lose you , Sirah ! But , Ingine , thinke you , The Gallant is so furious in his folly ? So mad vpon the matter , that hee 'll part With 's cloake vpo'these termes ? ING . Trust not your Ingine , Breake me to pieces else , as you would doe A rotten Crane , or an old rusty Iacke , That has not one true wheele in him . Doe but talke with him . FIT. I shall doe that , to satisfie you , Ingine , And my selfe too . With your leaue , Gentlemen . Hee turnes to Wittipol . Which of you is it , is so meere Idolater To my wiues beauty , and so very prodigall Vnto my patience , that , for the short parlee ? Of one swift houres quarter , with my wife , He will depart with ( let mee see ) this cloake here The price of folly ? Sir , are you the man ? WIT. I am that vent'rer , Sir. FIT. Good time ! your name Is Witty-pol ? WIT. The same , Sr. FIT. And 't is told me , Yo' haue trauell'd lately ? WIT. That I haue , Sr. FIT. Truly , Your trauells may haue alter'd your complexion ; But sure , your wit stood still . WIT. It may well be , Sir. All heads ha'not like growth . FIT. The good mans grauity , That left you land , your father , neuer taught you These pleasant matches ? WIT. No , nor can his mirth , With whom I make 'hem , put me off . FIT. You are Resolu'd then ? WIT. Yes , Sr. FIT. Beauty is the Saint , You 'll sacrifice your selfe , into the shirt too ? WIT. So I may still cloth , and keepe warme your wisdome ? FIT. You lade me Sr ! WIT. I know what you wil beare , Sr. FIT. Well , to the point . 'T is only , Sir , you say , To speake vnto my wife ? WIT. Only , to speake to her . FIT. And in my presence ? WIT. In your very presence . FIT. And in my hearing ? WIT. In your hearing : so , You interrupt vs not . FIT. For the short space You doe demand , the fourth part of an houre , I thinke I shall , with some conuenient study , Hee shrugs himselfe vp in the cloake . And this good helpe to boot , bring my selfe to 't . WIT. I aske no more . FIT. Please you , walk to'ard my house , Speake what you list ; that time is yours : My right I haue departed with . But , not beyond , A minute , or a second , looke for . Length , And drawing out , ma'aduance much , to these matches . And I except all kissing . Kisses are Silent petitions still with willing Louers . WIT. Louers ? How falls that o' your phantsie ? FIT. Sir. I doe know somewhat , I forbid all lip-worke . WIT. I am not eager at forbidden dainties . Who couets vnfit things , denies him selfe . FIT. You say well , Sir , 'T was prettily said , that same , He do's , indeed . I 'll haue no touches , therefore , Nor takings by the armes , nor tender circles Cast 'bout the wast , but all be done at distance . Loue is brought vp with those soft migniard handlings ; His pulse lies in his palme : and I defend All melting ioynts , and fingers , ( that 's my bargaine ) I doe defend 'hem ; any thing like action . But talke , Sir , what you will. Vse all the Tropes And Schemes , that Prince Quintilian can afford you : And much good do your Rhetoriques heart . You are welcome , Sir. Ingine , God b'w'you . WIT. Sir , I must condition To haue this Gentleman by , a witnesse . FIT. Well , I am content , so he be silent . MAN. Yes , Sir. FIT. Come Diuell , I 'll make you roome , streight . But I 'll shew you First , to your Mistresse , who 's no common one , You must conceiue , that brings this gaine to see her . I hope thou 'st brought me good lucke . PVG. I shall do 't . Sir. ACT. I. SCENE . V. VVITTIPOL . MANLY. INgine , you hope o' your halfe piece ? 'T is there , Sir. Wittipol knocks his friend o' the brest . Be gone . Friend Manly , who 's within here ? fixed ? MAN. I am directly in a fit of wonder what 'll be the issue of this conference ! WIT. For that , ne'r vex your selfe , till the euent . How like yo'him ? MAN. I would faine see more of him . WIT. What thinke you of this ? MAN. I am past degrees of thinking . Old Africk , and the new America , With all their fruite of Monsters cannot shew So iust a prodigie . WIT. Could you haue beleeu'd , Without your sight , a minde so sordide inward , Should be so specious , and layd forth abroad , To all the shew , that euer shop , or ware was ? MAN. I beleeue any thing now , though I confesse His Vices are the most extremities I euer knew in nature . But , why loues hee The Diuell so ? WIT. O Sr ! for hidden treasure , Hee hopes to finde : and has propos'd himselfe So infinite a Masse , as to recouer , He cares not what he parts with , of the present , To his men of Art , who are the race , may coyne him . Promise gold-mountaines , and the couetous Are still most prodigall . MAN. But ha' you faith , That he will hold his bargaine ? WIT. O deare , Sir ! He will not off on 't . Feare him not . I know him ▪ One basenesse still accompanies another . See! he is heere already , and his wife too . MAN. A wondrous handsome creature , as I liue ! ACT. I. SCENE . VI. FITZ-DOTTRELL . Mistresse FITZ-DOTTREL . WITTIPOL . MANLY. COme wife , this is the Gentleman . Nay , blush not . Mrs . FI. Why , what do you meane Sir ? ha'you your reason ? FIT. Wife , I do not know , that I haue lent it forth To any one ; at least , without a pawne , wife : Or that I'haue eat or drunke the thing , of late , That should corrupt it . Wherefore gentle wife , Obey , it is thy vertue : hold no acts Of disputation . Mrs . FI. Are you not enough The talke , of feasts , and meetingy , but you 'll still Make argument for fresh ? FIT. Why , carefull wedlocke , If I haue haue a longing to haue one tale more Goe of mee , what is that to thee , deare heart ? Why shouldst thou enuy my delight ? or crosse it ? By being solicitous , when it not concernes thee ? Mrs . FI. Yes , I haue share in this The scorne will fall As bittterly on me , where both are laught at . FIT. Laught at , sweet bird ? is that the scruple ? Come , come , Thou art a Niaise . Which of your great houses , ( I will not meane at home , here , but abroad ) Your families in France , wife , send not forth Something , within the seuen yeere , may be laught at ? I doe not say seuen moneths , nor seuen weekes , Nor seuen daies , nor houres : but seuen yeere wife . I giue 'hem time . Once , within seuen yeere , I thinke they may doe something may be laught at . In France , I keepe me there , still . Wherefore , wife , Let them that list , laugh still , rather then weepe For me ; Heere is a cloake cost fifty pound , wife , Which I can sell for thirty , when I ha' seene All London in 't , and London has seene mee . To day , I goe to the Black fryers Play-house , Sit i the view , salute all my acquaintance , Rise vp betweene the Acts , let fall my cloake , Publish a handsome man , and a rich suite ( As that 's a speciall end , why we goe thither , All that pretend , to stand for 't o' the Stage ) The Ladies aske who 's that ? ( For , they doe come To see vs , Loue , as wee doe to see them ) Now , I shall lose all this , for the false feare Of being laught at ? Yes , wusse . Let 'hem laugh , wife , Let me haue such another cloake to morrow . And let 'hem laugh againe , wife , and againe , And then grow fat with laughing , and then fatter , All my young Gallants , let 'hem bring their friends too : Shall I forbid ' hem ? No , let heauen forbid 'hem : Or wit , if 't haue any charge on ' hem . Come , thy eate , wife , Is all , I 'll borrow of thee . Set your watch , Sir , Thou , onely art to heare , not speake a word , Doue , To ought he sayes . That I doe gi'you in precept , No lesse then councell , on your wiue-hood , wife , Not though he flatter you , or make court , or Loue , ( As you must looke for these ) or say , he raile ; What ere his arts be , wife , I will haue thee Delude 'hem with a trick , thy obstinate silence ; I know aduantages ; and I loue to hit These pragmaticke young men , at their owne weapons . He disposes his wife to his place , and sets his watch . Is your watch ready ? Here my saile beares , for you ▪ Tack toward him , sweet Pinnace , where 's your watch ? WIT. I 'le set it , Sir , with yours . Mrs . FI. I must obey . MAN. Her modesty seemes to suffer with her beauty , And so , as if his folly were away , It were worth pitty . FIT. Now , th'a●e right , beginne , Sir. But first , let me repeat the contract , briefely . I am , Sir , to inioy this cloake , I stand in , Freely , and as your gift ; vpon condition You may as freely , speake here to my spouse , Your quarter of an houre alwaies keeping The measur'd distance of your yard , or more , From my said Spouse : and in my sight and hearing . This is your couenant ? WIT. Yes , but you 'll allow For this time spent , now ? FIT. Set 'hem so much backe . WIT. I thinke , I shall not need it . FIT. Well , begin , Sir , There is your bound , Sir. Not beyond that rush . WIT. If you interrupt me , Sir , I shall discloake you . The time I haue purchast , Lady , is but short ; And , therefore , if I imploy it thriftily , I hope I stand the neerer to my pardon . I am not here , to tell you , you are faire , Or louely , or how well you dresse you , Lady , I 'll saue my selfe that eloquence of your glasse , Which can speake these things better to you then I. And 't is a knowledge , wherein fooles may be As wise as a Court Parliament . Nor come I , With any preiudice , or doubt , that you Should , to the notice of your owne worth , neede Least reuelation . Shee 's a simple woman , Know's not her good : ( who euer knowes her ill ) And at all caracts . That you are the wife , To so much blasted flesh , as scarce hath soule , In stead of salt , to keepe it sweete ; I thinke , Will aske no witnesses , to proue . The cold Sheetes that you lie in , with the watching candle , That sees , how dull to any thaw of beauty , Pieces , and quarters , halfe , and whole nights , sometimes , The Diuell-giuen Elfine Squire , your husband , Doth leaue you , quitting heere his proper circle , For a much-worse i' the walks of Lincolnes Inne , Vnder the Elmes , t' expect the feind in vaine , there Will confesse for you . FIT. I did looke for this geere . WIT. And what a daughter of darknesse , he do's make you , Lock'd vp from all society , or object ; Your eye not let to looke vpon a face , Vnder a Conjurers ( or some mould for one , Hollow , and leane like his ) but , by great meanes , As I now make ; your owne too sensible sufferings , Without the extraordinary aydes , Of spells , or spirits , may assure you , Lady . For my part , I protest 'gainst all such practice , I worke by no false arts , medicines , or charmes To be said forward and backward . FIT. No , I except : WIT. Sir I shall ease you . FIT. Mum. WIT. Nor haue I ends , Lady , He offers to discloake him . Vpon you , more then this : to tell you how Loue Beauties good Angell , he that waits vpon her At all occasions , and no lesse then Fortune , Helps th'aduenturous , in mee makes that proffer , Which neuer faire one was so fond , to lose ; Who could but reach a hand forth to her freedome . On the first sight , I lou'd you : since which time , Though I haue trauell'd , I haue beene in trauell More for this second blessing of your eyes Which now I' haue purchas'd , then for all aymes else . Thinke of it , Lady , be your minde as actiue , As is your beauty : view your object well . Examine both my fashion , and my yeeres Things , that are like , are soone familiar : And Nature ioyes , still in equality . Let not the signe o' the husband fright you , Lady . But ere your spring be gone , inioy it . Flowers , Though faire , are oft but of one morning . Thinke , All beauty doth not last vntill the autumne . You grow old , while I tell you this . And such , As cannot vse the present , are not wise . If Loue and Fortune will take care of vs , Why ●should our will be wanting ? This is all . Wha doe you answer , Lady ? FIT. Now , the sport comes . Shee stands mute . Let him still waite , waite , waite : while the watch goes , And the time runs . Wife ! WIT. How ! not any word ? Nay , then , I taste a tricke in 't . Worthy Lady , I cannot be so false to mine owne thoughts Of your presumed goodnesse , to conceiue This , as your rudenesse , which I see 's impos'd . Yet , since your cautelous Iaylor , here stands by you , And yo' are deni'd the liberty o' the house , Let me take warrant , Lady , from your silence , ( Which euer is interpreted consent ) To make your answer for you : which shall be To as good purpose , as I can imagine , And what I thinke you 'ld speake . FIT. No , no , no , no. WIT. He sets Mr. Manly , his friend in her place . I shall resume , Sr. MAN. Sir , what doe you meane ? WIT. One interruption more , Sir , and you goe Into your hose and doublet , nothing saues you . And therefore harken . This is for your wife . MAN. You mus● play faire , Sr. WIT. Stand for mee , good friend . Troth , Sir , t is more then true , that you haue vttred And speaks for her . Of my vnequall , and so sordide match heere , With all the circumstances of my bondage . I haue a husband , and a two-legg'd one , But such a moon-ling , as no wit of man Or roses can redeeme from being an Asse . H 'is growne too much , the story of mens mouthes , To scape his lading : should I make 't my study , And lay all wayes , yea , call mankind to helpe , To take his burden off , why , this one act Of his , to let his wife out to be courted , And , at a price , proclaimes his asinine nature So lowd , as I am weary of my title to him . But Sir , you seeme a Gentleman of vertue , No lesse then blood ; and one that euery way Lookes as he were of too good quality , To intrap a credulous woman , or betray her : Since you haue payd thus deare , Sir , for a visit , And made such venter , on your wit , and charge Meerely to see mee , or at most to speake to mee , I were too stupid ; or ( what 's worse ) ingrate Not to returne your venter . Thinke , but how , I may with safety doe it ; I shall trust My loue and honour to you , and presume ▪ You 'll euer husband both , against this husband ; Who , if we chance to change his liberall eares , To other ensignes , and with labour make A new beast of him , as hee shall deserue , Cannot complaine , hee is vnkindly dealth with . This day hee is to goe to a new play , Sir. From whence no feare , no , nor authority , Scarcely the Kings command , Sir , will restraine him , Now you haue fitted him with a Stage-garment , For the meere names sake , were there nothing else : And many more such iourneyes , hee will make . Whieh , if they now , or , any time heereafter , Offer vs opportunity , you heare , Sir , who 'll be as glad , and forward to imbrace , Hee shifts to his owne place againe Meete , and enioy it chearefully as you . I humbly thanke you , Lady . FIT. Keepe your ground Sir. WIT. Will you be lightned ? FIT. Mum. WIT. And but I am , By the sad contract , thus to take my leaue of you At this so enuious distance , I had taught Our lips ere this , to seale the happy mixture Made of our soules . But we must both , now , yeeld To the necessity . Doe not thinke yet , Lady , But I can kisse , and touch , and laugh , and whisper , And doe those crowning court-ships too , for which Day , and the publike haue allow'd no name But , now , my bargaine binds me . 'T were rude iniury , T' importune more , or vrge a noble nature , To what of it's owne bounty it is prone to : Else , I should speake — But , Lady , I loue so well , As I will hope , you 'll doe so to . I haue done , Sir. FIT. Well , then , I ha' won ? WIT. Sir , And I may win , too . FIT. O yes ! no doubt on 't . I 'll take carefull order , That shee shall hang forth ensignes at the window , To tell you when I am absent . Or I 'll keepe Three or foure foote-men , ready still of purpose , To runne and fetch you , at her longings , Sir. I 'll goe bespeake me straight a guilt caroch , For her and you to take the ayre in . Yes , Into Hide-parke , and thence into Black-Fryers , Visit the painters , where you may see pictures , And note the properest limbs , and how to make ' hem . Or what doe you say vnto a middling Gossip ? To bring you aye together , at her lodging ? Vnder pretext of teaching o' my wife Some rare receit of drawing almond milke ? ha ? It shall be a part of my care . Good Sir , God b'w'you . I ha' kept the contract , and the cloake is mine . WIT. Why , much good do 't you Sr ; it may fall out , That you ha' bought it deare , though I ha' not sold it . FIT. A pretty riddle ! Fare you well , good Sir. Hee turnes his wife about . W●●e , your face this way , looke on me : and thinke Yo'haue had a wicked dreame , wife , and forget it . MAN. This is the strangest motion I ere saw . FIT. Now , wife , sits this faire cloake the worse vpon me , For my great sufferings , or your little patience ? ha ? They laugh , you thinke ? Mrs . FI. Why Sr. and you might see 't . What thought , they haue of you , may be soone collected By the young Genlemans speache . FIT. Young Gentleman ? Death ! you are in loue with him , are you ? could he not Be nam'd the Gentleman , without the young ? Vp to your Cabbin againe . Mrs . FI My cage , yo' were best To call it ? FIT. Yes , sing there . You 'ld faine be making Blanck Manger with him at your mothers ! I know you . Goe get you vp . How now ! what say you , Diuell ? ACT. I. SCENE . VII . PVG. FITZDOTTREL . INGINE. HEere is one Ingine , Sir , desires to speake with you . FIT. I thought he brought some newes , of a broker ! Well , Let him come in , good Diuell : fetch him else . O , my fine Ingine ! what 's th' affaire ? more cheats ? ING . No Sir , the Wit , the Braine , the great Proiector , I told you of , is newly come to towne . FIT. Where , Ingine ? ING . I ha' brought him ( H 'is without ) Ere hee pull'd off his boots , Sir , but so follow'd , For businesses : FIT. But what is a Proiector ? I would conceiue . ING . Why , one Sir , that proiects Wayes to enrich men , or to make 'hem great , By suites , by marriages , by vndertakings : According as hee sees they humour it . FIT. Can hee not coniure at all ? ING . I thinke he can , Sir. ( To tell you true ) but , you doe know , of late , The State hath tane such note of 'hem , and compell'd 'hem , To enter such great bonds , they dare not practice . FIT. 'T is true , and I lie fallow for 't , the while ! ING . O , Sir ! you 'll grow the richer for the rest . FIT. I hope I shall : but Ingine , you doe talke Somewhat too much , o' my courses . My Cloake-customer Could tell mee strange particulars . ING . By my meanes ? FIT. How should he haue 'hem else ? ING . You do not know , Sr , What he has : and by what arts ! A monei'd man , Sir , And is as great with your Almanack-Men , as you are ! FIT. That Gallant ? ING . You make the other wait too long , here : And hee is extreme punctuall . FIT. Is he a gallant ? ING . Sir , you shall see : He 'is in his riding suit , As hee comes now from Court. But heere him speake : Minister matter to him , and then tell mee . ACT. IJ. SCENE . I. MEER-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTREL . INGINE. TRAINES . PVG. SIr , money 's a whore , a bawd , a drudge ; Fit to runne out on errands : Let her goe . Via pecunia ! when she 's runne and gone , And fled and dead ; then will I fetch her , againe , With Aqua-vitae , out of an old Hogs-head ! While there are lees of wine , or dregs of beere , I 'le neuer want her ! Coyne her out of cobwebs , Dust , but I 'll haue her ! Raise wooll vpon egge-shells , Sir , and make grasse grow out o' marro-bones . To make her come . ( Commend mee to your Mistresse , Say , let the thousand pound but be had ready , To a waiter . And it is done ) I would but see the creature ( Of flesh , and blood ) the man , the prince , indeed , That could imploy so many millions As I would help him to . FIT. How , talks he ? millions ? MER. ( I 'll giue you an account of this to morrow . ) Yes , I will talke no lesse , and doe it too ; To another . If they were Myriades : and without the Diuell , By direct meanes , it shall be good in law . ING . Sir. MER. To a third . Tell Mr. Wood cock , I 'll not faile to meet him Vpon th' Exchange at night . Pray him to haue The writings there , and wee 'll dispatch it . Sir , You are a Gentleman of a good presence , He turnes to Fitz-dottrel . A handsome man ( I haue considered you ) As a fit stocke to graft honours vpon : I haue a proiect to make you a Duke , now . That you must be one , within so many moneths , As I set downe , out of true reason of state , You sha' not auoyd it . But you must harken , then . ING . Harken ? why Sr , do you doubt his eares ? Alas ! You doe not know Master Fitz-dottrel . FIT. He do's not know me indeed . I thank you , Ingine , He turnes to Ingine . Fo● rectifying him . MER. Good ! Why , Ingine , then I 'le tell it you . ( I see you ha' credit , here , And , that you can keepe counsell , I 'll not question . ) Hee shall but be an vndertaker with mee , In a most feasible bus'nesse . It shall cost him Nothing . ING . Good , Sr. MER ▪ Except he please , but 's count'nance ; ( That I will haue ) t' appeare in 't , to great men , For which I 'll make him one . Hee shall not draw A string of 's purse . I 'll driue his pattent for him . We 'll take in Cittizens , Commoners , and Aldermen , To beare the charge , and blow 'hem off againe , Like so many dead flyes , when 't is carryed . The thing is for recouery of drown'd land , Whereof the Crowne 's to haue his moiety , If it be owner ; Else , the Crowne and Owners To share that moyety : and the recouerers T' enioy the tother moyety , for their charge . ING . Thorowout England ? MER. Yes , which will arise To eyghteene millions , seuen the first yeere : I haue computed all , and made my suruay Vnto an acre . I 'll beginne at the Pan , Not , at the skirts : as some ha' done , and lost , All that they wrought , their timber-worke , their trench , Their bankes all borne away , or else fill'd vp By the next winter . Tut , they neuer went The way : I 'll haue it all . ING . A gallant tract Of land it is ! MER. 'T will yeeld a pound an acre . Wee must let cheape , euer , at first . But Sir , This lookes too large for you , I see . Come hither , We 'll haue a lesse . Here 's a plain fellow , you see him , Has his black bag of papers , there , in Buckram , Wi'not be sold for th'Earledome of Pancridge : Draw , Gi'me out one , by chance . Proiect. 4. Dog-skinnes ? Twelue thousand pound ! the very worst , at first . FIT. Pray you let 's see 't Sir. MER. 'T is a toy , a trifle ! FIT. Trifle ! 12. thousand pound for dogs-skins ? MER. Yes , But , by my way of dressing , you must know , Sir , And med'cining the leather , to a height Of improu'd ware , like your Borachio Of Spaine , Sir. I can fetch nine thousand for 't — ING . Of the Kings glouer ? MER. Yes , how heard you that ? ING . Sir , I doe know you can . MER. Within this houre : And reserue halfe my secret . Pluck another ; See if thou hast a happier hand : I thought so . Hee pluckes out the 2. Bottle-ale . The very next worse to it ! Bottle-ale . Yet , this is two and twenty thousand ! Pr'y thee Pull out another , two or three . FIT. Good , stay , friend , By bottle-ale , two and twenty thousand pound ? MER. Yes , Sir , it 's cast to penny-hal'penny-farthing , O' the back-side , there you may see it , read , I will not bate a Harrington o' the summe . I 'll winne it i' my water , and my malt , My furnaces , and hanging o' my coppers , The tonning , and the subtilty o' my yest ; And , then the earth of my bottles , which I dig , Turne vp , and steepe , and worke , and neale , my selfe , To a degree of Porc'lane . You will wonder , At my proportions , what I will put vp In seuen yeeres ! for so long time , I aske For my inuention . I will saue in cork , In my mere stop'ling , ' boue three thousand pound , Within that terme : by googing of 'hem out Iust to the size of my bottles , and not slicing . There 's infinite losse i'th at . What hast thou there ? Hee drawes out another . Raisines . O'making wine of raisins : this is in hand , now , ING . Is not that strange , Sr , to make wine of raisins ? MER. Yes , and as true a wine , as th' wines of France , Or Spaine , or Italy , Looke of what grape My raisin is , that wine I 'll render perfect , As of the muscatell grape , I 'll render muscatell ; Of the Canary , his ; the Claret , his ; So of all kinds : and bate you of the prices , Of wine , throughout the kingdome , halfe in halfe . ING . But , how , Sr , if you raise the other commodity , Raysin●s ? MER. Why , then I 'll make it out of black-berries : And it shall doe the same . 'T is but more art , And the charge lesse . Take out another . FIT. No , good Sir. Saue you the trouble , I 'le not looke , nor heare Of any , but your first , there ; the Drown'd-land : If 't will doe , as you say . MER. Sir , there 's not place , To gi'you demonstration of these things . They are a little to subtle . But , I could shew you Such a necessity in 't , as you must be But what you please : against the receiu'd heresie , That England beares no Dukes . Keepe you the land , Sr , The greatnesse of th' estate shall throw 't vpon you . If you like better turning it to money , What may not you , Sr , purchase with that wealth ? Say , you should part with two o' your millions , To be the thing you would , who would not do 't ? As I protest , I will , out of my diuident , Lay , for some pretty principality , In Italy , from the Church ▪ Now , you perhaps , Fancy the smoake of England , rather ? But — Ha' you no priuate roome , Sir , to draw to , T' enlarge our selues more vpon . FIT. O yes , Diuell ! MER. These , Sir , are bus'nesses , aske to be carryed With caution , and in cloud . FIT. I apprehend , They doe so , Sr. Diuell , which way is your Mistresse ? PVG. Aboue , Sr. in her chamber . FIT. O that 's well . Then , this way , good , Sir. MER. I shall follow you ; Traines , Gi'mee the bag , and goe you presently , Commend my seruice to my Lady Tail-bush . Tell her I am come from Court this morning ; say , I' haue got our bus'nesse mou'd , and well : Intreat her , That shee giue you the four-score Angels , and see 'hem Dispos'd of to my Councel , Sir Poul Eytherside . Sometime , to day , I 'll waite vpon her Ladiship , With the relation . ING . Sir , of what dispatch , He is ! Do you marke ? MER. Ingine , when did you see My cousin Euer-ill ? keepes he still your quarter ? I' the Bermudas ? ING . Yes , Sir , he was writing This morning , very hard . MER. Be not you knowne to him , That I am come to Towne : I haue effected A businesse for him , but I would haue it take him , Before he thinks for 't . ING . Is it past ? MER. Not yet . 'T is well o' the way . ING . O Sir ! your worship takes Infinit paines . MER. I loue Friends , to be actiue : A sluggish nature puts off man , and kinde . ING . And such a blessing followes it· MER. I thanke My fate . Pray you let 's be priuate , Sir ? FIT. In , here . MER. Where none may interrupt vs. FIT. You heare , Diuel , Lock the streete-doores fast , and let no one in ( Except they be this Gentlemans followers ) To trouble mee . Doe you marke ? Yo'haue heard and seene Something , to day ; and , by it , you may gather Your Mistresse is a fruite , that 's worth the stealing And therefore worth the watching . Be you sure , now , Yo' haue all your eyes about you ; and let in No lace-woman ; nor bawd , that brings French-masques , And cut-works . See you ? Nor old croanes , with wafers , To conuey letters . Nor no youths , disguis'd Like country-wiues , with creame , and marrow-puddings . Much knauery may be vented in a pudding , Much bawdy intelligence : They' are shrewd ciphers . Nor turne the key to any neyghbours neede ; Be 't but to kindle fire , or begg a little , Put it out , rather : all out , to an ashe , That they may see no smoake . Or water , spill it : Knock o' the empty tubs , that by the sound , They may be forbid entry . Say , wee are robb'd , If any come to borrow a spoone , or so . I wi' not haue good fortune , or gods blessing Let in , while I am busie . PVG. I 'le take care , Sir : They sha' not trouble you , if they would . FIT. Well , doe so . ACT. II. SCENE . II. PVG. Mistresse FITZDOTTRELL . I haue no singular seruice of this , now ? Nor no superlatiue Master ? I shall wish To be in hell againe , at leasure ? Bring , A Vice from thence ? That had bin such a subtilty , As to bring broad-clothes hither : or transport Fresh oranges into Spaine . I finde it , now ; My Chiefe was i' the right . Can any feind Boast of a better Vice , then heere by nature , And art , th' are owners of ? Hell ne'r owne mee , But I am taken ! the fine tract of it Pulls mee along ! To heare men such professors Growne in our subtlest Sciences ! My first Act , now , Shall be , to make this Master of mine cuckold : The primitiue worke of darknesse , I will practise ! I will deserue so well of my faire Mistresse , By my discoueries , first ; my counsells after ; And keeping counsell , after that : as who , So euer , is one , I 'le be another , sure , I 'll ha' my share . Most delicate damn'd flesh ! Shee will be ! O! that I could stay time , now , Midnight will come too fast vpon mee , I feare , Shee sends Diuell out . To cut my pleasure — Mrs . FI. Looke at the back-doore , One knocks , see who it is . PVG. Dainty she-Diuell ! Mrs . FI. I cannot get this venter of the cloake , Out of my fancie ; nor the Gentlemans way , He tooke , which though 't were strange , yet 't was handsome , And had a grace withall , beyond the newnesse . Sure he will thinke mee that dull stupid cre●ture , Hee said , and may conclude it ; if I finde not Some thought to thanke th'attemp . He did presume , By all the carriage of it , on my braine , For answer ; and will sweare 't is very barren , Diuell returnes . If it can yeeld him no returne Who is it ? PVG. Mistresse , it is , but first , let me assure The excellence , of Mistresses , I am , Although my Masters man , my Mistresse slaue , The seruant of her secrets , and sweete turnes , And know , what fitly will conduce to either . Mrs . FI. What 's this ? I pray you come to your selfe and thinke What your part is : to make an answer . Tell , Who is it at the doore ? PVG. The Gentleman , Mrs , Who was at the cloake-charge to speake with you , This morning , who expects onely to take Some small command'ments from you , what you please , Worthy your forme , hee saies , and gentlest manners . Mrs . FI. O! you 'll anon proue his hyr'd man , I feare , What has he giu'n you , for this message ? Sir , Bid him put off his hopes of straw , and leaue To spread his nets , in view , thus . Though they take Master Fitz-dottrel , I am no such foule , Nor faire one , tell him , will be had with stalking . And wish him to for-beare his acting to mee , At the Gentlemans chamber-window in Lincolnes-Inne there , That opens to my gallery : else , I sweare T' acquaint my husband with his folly , and leaue him To the iust rage of his offended iealousie . Or if your Masters sense be not so quicke To right mee , tell him , I shall finde a friend That will repaire mee . Say , I will be quiet . In mine owne house ? Pray you , in those words giue it him . PVG. He goes out . This is some foole turn'd ! Mrs . FI. If he be the Master , Now , of that state and wit , which I allow him ; Sure , hee will vnderstand mee : I durst not Be more direct . For this officious fellow , My husbands new groome , is a spie vpon me , I finde already . Yet , if he but tell him This in my words , hee cannot but conceiue Himselfe both apprehended , and requited . I would not haue him thinke hee met a statue : Or spoke to one , not there , though I were silent . How now ? ha' you told him ? PVG. Yes . Mrs . FI. And what saies he ? PVG. Sayes he ? That which my self would say to you , if I durst . That you are proude , sweet Mistresse ? and with-all , A little ignorant , to entertaine The good that 's proffer'd ; and ( by your beauties leaue ) Not all so wise , as some true politique wife Would be : who hauing match'd with such a Nupson ( I speake it with my Masters peace ) whose face Hath left t' accuse him , now , for 't doth confesse him , What you can make him ; will yet ( out of scruple , And a spic'd conscience ) defraud the poore Gentleman , At least delay him in the thing he longs for , And makes it hs whole study , how to compasse , Onely a title . Could but he write Cuckold , He had his ends . For , looke you — Mrs . FI. This can be None but my husbands wit. PVG. My pretious Mrs . M. FI. It creaks his Ingine : The groome neuer durst Be , else , so saucy — PVG. If it were not clearely , His worshipfull ambition ; and the top of it ; The very forked top too : why should hee Keepe you , thus mur'd vp in a back-roome , Mistresse , Allow you ne'r a casement to the streete , Feare of engendering by the eyes , with gallants , Forbid you paper , pen and inke , like Rats-bane . Search your halfe pint of muscatell , lest a letter Be suncke i' the pot : and hold your new-laid egge Against the fire , lest any charme be writ there ? Will you make benefit of truth , deare Mistresse , If I doe tell it you : I do 't not often ? I am set ouer you , imploy'd , indeed , To watch your steps , your lookes , your very breathings , And to report them to him . Now , if you Will be a true , right , delicate sweete Mistresse , Why , wee will make a Cokes of this Wise Master , We will , my Mistresse , an absolute fine Cokes , And mock , to ayre , all the deepe diligences Of such a solemne , and effectuall Asse , An Asse to so good purpose , as wee 'll vse him . I will contriue it so , that you shall goe To Playes , to Masques , to Meetings , and to Feasts . For , why is all this Rigging , and fine Tackle , Mistris , If you neat handsome vessells , of good sayle , Put not forth euer , and anon , with your nets Abroad into the world . It is your fishing . I here , you shal choose your friends , your seruants , Lady , Your squires of honour ; I 'le conuey your letters , Fetch answers , doe you all the offices , That can belong to your bloud , and beauty . And , For the variety , at my times , although I am not in due symmetrie , the man Of that proportion ; or in rule Of physicke , of the iust complexion ; Or of that truth of Picardill , in clothes , To boast a soueraignty o're Ladies : yet I know , to do my turnes , sweet Mistresse . Come , kisse — Mrs . FI. How now ! PVG. Deare delicate Mist. I am your slaue , Your little worme , that loues you : your fine Monkey ; Your Dogge , your Iacke , your Pug , that longs to be Stil'd , o' your pleasures . Mrs . FIT. Heare you all this ? Sir , Pray you , Come from your standing , doe , a little , spare Your selfe , Sir , from your watch , t' applaud your Squire , That so well followes your instructions ! ACT. II. SCENE . III. FITZ-DOTTRELL . Mistresse FITZ-DOTTREL . PVG. HOw now , sweet heart ? what 's the matter ? Mrs . FI. Good ! You are a stranger to the plot ! you set not Your saucy Diuell , here , to tempt your wife , With all the insolent vnciuill language , Or action , he could vent ? FIT. Did you so , Diuell ? Mrs . FIT. Not you ? you were not planted i' your hole to heare him , Vpo'the stayres ? or here , behinde the hangings ? I doe not know your qualities ? he durst doe it , And you not giue directions ? FIT. You shall see , wise , Her husband goes out , and enters presently with a cudgell vpon him . Whether he durst , or no : and what it was , I did direct . PVG. Sweet Mistresse , are you mad ? FIT. You most mere Rogue ! you open manifest Villaine ! You Feind apparant you ! you declar'd Hel-hound ! PVG. Good Sr. FIT. Good Knaue , good Rascal , and good Traitor . Now , I doe finde you parcel - Diuell , indeed . Vpo ' the point of trust ? I' your first charge ? The very day o' your probation ? To tempt your Mistresse ? You doe see , good wedlocke , How I directed him . Mrs . FIT. Why ▪ where Sr , were you ? FIT. Nay , there is one blow more , for exercise : After a pause . He strikes him againe I told you , I should doe it . PVG. Would you had done , Sir. FIT. O wife , the rarest man ! yet there 's another To put you in mind o' the last ▪ such a braue man , wife ! Within , he has his proiects , and do's vent 'hem , The gallantest ! where you tentiginous ? ha ? and againe . Would you be acting of the Incubus ? Did her silks rustling moue you ? PVG. Gentle Sir. FIT. Out of my sight . If thy name were not Diuell , Thou should'st not stay a minute with me . In , Goe , yet stay : yet goe too . I am resolu'd , What I will doe : and you shall know 't afore-hand . Soone as the Gentleman is gone , doe you heare ? I 'll helpe your lisping . Wife , such a man , wife ! Diuell goes out . He has such plots ! He will make mee a Duke ! No lesse , by heauen ! six Mares , to your coach , wife ! That 's your proportion ! And your coach-man bald ! Because he shall be bare , inough . Doe not you laugh , We are looking for a place , and all , i' the map What to be of . Haue faith , be not an Infidell . You know , I am not easie to be gull'd . I sweare , when I haue my millions , else , I 'll make Another Dutchesse ; if you ha' not faith . Mrs . FI. You 'll ha'too much , I feare , in these false spirits , FIT. Spirits ? O , no such thing ! wife ! wit , mere wit ! This man defies the Diuell , and all his works ! He dos't by Ingine , and deuises , hee ! He has his winged ploughes , that goe with sailes , Will plough you forty acres , at once ! and mills , Will spout you water , ten miles off ! All Crowland Is ours , wife ; and the fens , from vs , in Norfolke , To the vtmost bound of Lincoln-shire ! we haue view'd it , And measur'd it within all ; by the scale ! The richest tract of land , Loue , i' the kingdome ! There will be made seuenteene , or eighteene millions ; Or more , as 't may be handled ! wherefore , thinke , Sweet heart , if th' hast a fancy to one place , More then another , to be Dutchesse of ; Now , name it : I will ha 't , what ere it cost , ( If 't will be had for money ) either here , Or'n France , or Italy . Mrs . FI. You ha' strange phantasies ! ACT. II. SCENE . IV. MERE-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTRELL . INGINE. WHere are you , Sir ? FIT. I see thou hast no talent This way , wi●e . Vp to thy gallery ; doe , Chuck , Leaue vs to talke of it , who vnderstand it . MER. I thinke we ha' found a place to fit you , now , Sir. Gloc'ster . FIT. O , no , I 'll none ! MER. Why , Sr ? FIT. T is fatall . MER. That you say right in . Spenser , I thinke , the younger , Had his last honour thence . But , he was but Earle . FIT I know not that , Sir. But Thomas of Woodstock● , I 'm sure , was Duke , and he was made away , At Calice ; as Duke Humphrey was at Bury : And Richard the third , you know what end he came too . MER. By m'faith you are cunning i' the Chronicle , Sir. FIT. No , I confesse I ha 't from the Play-bookes , And thinke they' are more authentique . ING . That 's sure , Sir. MER. He whispers him of a place . What say you ( to this then ) FIT. No , a noble house . Pretends to that . I will doe no man wrong . MER. Then take one proposition more , and heare it As past exception . FIT. What 's that ? MER. To be Duke of those lands , you shall recouer : take Your title , thence , Sir , Duke of the Drown'd-lands , Or Drown'd-land . FIT. Ha ? that last has a good sound ! I like it well . The Duke of Drown'd-land ? ING . Yes ; It goes like Groen-land , Sir , if you marke it . MER. I , And drawing thus your honour from the worke , You make the reputation of that , greater ; And stay 't the longer i' your name . FIT. 'T is true . Drown'd-lands will liue in Drown'd-land ! MER. Yes , when you Ha' no foote left ; as that must be , Sir , one day . And , though it tarry in your heyres , some forty , Fifty descents , the longer liuer , at last , yet , Must thrust 'hem out on 't : if no quirk in law , Or odde Vice o' their owne not do' it first . Wee see those changes , daily : the faire lands , That were the Clyents , are the Lawyers , now : And those rich Mannors , there , of good man Taylors , Had once more wood vpon 'hem , then the yard , By which th'were measur'd out for the last purchase . Nature hath these vicissitudes . Shee makes No man a state of perpetuety , Sir. FIT. Yo' are i' the right . Let 's in then , and conclude . Hee spies Diuell . I my sight , againe ? I 'll talke with you , anon . ACT. II. SCENE . V. PVG. SVre hee will geld mee , if I stay : or worse , Pluck out my tongue , one o' the two . This Foole , There is no trusting of him : and to quit him , Were a contempt against my Chiefe , past pardon . It was a shrewd disheartning this , at first ! Who would ha' thought a woman so well harness'd , Or rather well-caparison'd , indeed , That weares such petticoates , and lace to her smocks , Broad seaming laces ( as I see 'hem hang there ) And garters which are lost , if shee can shew 'hem , Could ha' done this ? Hell ! why is shee so braue ? It cannot be to please Duke Dottrel , sure , Nor the dull pictures , in her gallery , Nor her owne deare reflection , in her glasse ; Yet that may be : I haue knowne many of 'hem , Beginne their pleasure , but none end it , there : ( That I consider , as I goe a long with it ) They may , for want of better company , Or that they thinke the better , spend an houre ; Two , three , or foure , discoursing with their shaddow : But sure they haue a farther speculation . No woman drest with so much care , and study , Doth dresse her selfe in vaine . I 'll vexe this probleme , A little more , before I leaue it , sure . ACT. IJ. SCENE . VI. VVITTIPOL . MANLY. Mistresse FITZ-DOTTREL . PVG. THis was a fortune , happy aboue thought , That this should proue thy chamber ; which I fear'd Would be my greatest trouble ! this must be The very window , and that the roome . MAN. It is . I now remember , I haue often seene there A woman , but I neuer mark'd her much . WIT. Where was your soule , friend ? MAN. Faith , but now , and then , Awake vnto those obiects . WIT. You pretend so . Let mee not liue , if I am not in loue More with her wit , for this direction , now , Then with her forme , though I ha' prais'd that prettily , Since I saw her , and you , to day . Read those . Hee giues him a paper , wherein is the copy of a Song . They 'll goe vnto the ayre you loue so well . Try 'hem vnto the note , may be the musique Will call her sooner ; light , shee 's here ! Sing quickly . Mrs . FIT. Either he vnderstood him not : or else , The fellow was not faithfull in deliuery , Of what I bad . And , I am iustly pay'd , That might haue made my profit of his seruice , But , by mis-taking , haue drawne on his enuy , And done the worse defeate vpon my selfe . Manly sings , Pug enters perceiues it . How ! Musique ? then he may be there : and is sure . PVG. O! Is it so ? Is there the enter-view ? Haue I drawne to you , at last , my cunning Lady ? The Diuell is an Asse ! fool'd of● ! and beaten ! Nay , made an instrument ! and could not sent it ! Well , since yo' haue showne the malice of a woman , No lesse then her true wit , and learning , Mistresse , I 'll try , if little Pug haue the malignity To recompence it , and so saue his danger . 'T is not the paine , but the discredite of it , The Diuell should not keepe a body intire . WIT. Away , fall backe , she comes . MAN. I 'll leaue you , Sir , The Master of my chamber . I haue businesse WIT. Mrs ! Mrs . FI. You make me paint , Sr. WIT. The' are faire colours , Lady , and naturall ! I did receiue Some commands from you , lately , gentle Lady , This Scene is acted at two windo's , as out of two contiguous buildings , But so perplex'd , and wrap'd in the deliuery , As I may feare t' haue mis-interpreted : But must make suit still , to be neere your grace . Mrs . FI. Who is there with you , Sr ? WIT. None , but my selfe . It falls out , Lady , to be a deare friends lodging . Wherein there 's some conspiracy of fortune With your poore seruants blest affections . Mrs . FI. Who was it sung ? WIT. He , Lady , but hee 's gone , Vpon my entreaty of him , seeing you Approach the window . Neither need you doubt him , If he were here . He is too much a gentleman . Mrs . FI. Sir , if you iudge me by this simple action , And by the outward habite , and complexion Of easinesse , it hath , to your designe ; You may with Iustice , say , I am a woman : And a strange woman But when you shall please , To bring but that concurrence of my fortune , To memory , which to day your selfe did vrge : It may beget some fauour like excuse , Though none like reason . WIT. No , my tune-full Mistresse ? Then , surely , Loue hath none ; nor Beauty any ; Nor Nature-violenced , in both these : With all whose gentle tongues you speake , at once . I thought I had inough remou'd , already , That scruple from your brest , and left yo' all reason ; When , through my mornings perspectiue I shewd you A man so aboue excuse , as he is the cause , Why any thing is to be done vpon him : And nothing call'd an iniury , mis-plac'd . I'rather , now had hope , to shew you how Loue By his accesses , growes more naturall : And , what was done , this morning , with such force Was but deuis'd to serue the present , then . That since Loue hath the honour to approach These sister-swelling brests ; and touch this soft , And rosie hand ; hee hath the skill to draw Their Nectar forth , with kissing ; and could make More wanton salts , from this braue promontory , Downe to this valley , then the nimble Roe ; playes with her paps , kisseth her hands , &c. Could play the hopping Sparrow , 'bout these nets ; And sporting Squirell in these crisped groues ; Bury himselfe in euery Silke-wormes kell , Is here vnrauell'd ; runne into the snare , Which euery hayre is , cast into a curle , To catch a Cupid flying : Bath himselfe In milke , and roses , here , and dry him , there ; Warme his cold hands , to play with this smooth , ●ound , And well torn'd chin , as with the Billyard ball ; Rowle on these lips , the banks of loue , and there At once both plant , and gather kisses . Lady , Shall I , with what I haue made to day here , call All sense to wonder , and all faith to signe The mysteries reuealed in your forme ? And will Loue pardon mee the blasphemy I vtter'd , when I said , a glasse could speake This beauty , or that fooles had power to iudge it ? Doe but looke , on her eyes ! They doe light — All that Loue 's world comprizeth ! Doe but looke on her hayre ! it is bright , As Loue 's starre , when it riseth ! Doe but marke , her fore head 's smoother , Then words that sooth her ! And from her arched browes , such a grace Sheds it selfe through the face ; As alone , there triumphs to the life , All the gaine , all the good , of the elements strife ! Haue you seene but a bright Lilly grow , Before rude hands haue touch'd it ? Haue you mark'd but the fall of the Snow , Before the soyle hath smuch'd it ? Haue you felt the wooll o' the Beuer ? Or Swans downe , euer ? Or , haue smelt o' the bud o' the Bryer ? Or the Nard i' the fire ? Or , haue tasted the bag o' the Bee ? O , so white ! O , so soft ! O , so sweet is shee ! ACT. II. SCENE . VII . FITZ-DOTTRELL . WITTIPOL . PVG. IS shee so , Sir ? and , I will keepe her so . Her husband appeares at her back . If I know how , or can : that wit of man Will doe 't , I 'll goe no farther . At this windo ' She shall no more be buz'd at . Take your leaue on 't . If you be sweet meates , wedlock , or sweet flesh , All 's one : I doe not loue this hum about you . A flye-blowne wife is not so proper , In : Hee speakes out of his wiues window . For you , Sr , looke to heare from mee . WIT. So , I doe , Sir. FIT. No , but in other termes . There 's no man offers This to my wife , but paies for 't . WIT. That haue I , Sir. FIT. Nay , then , I tell you , you are . WIT. What am I , Sir ? FIT. Why , that I 'll thinke on , when I ha' cut your throat . WIT. Goe , you are an Asse . FIT. I am resolu'd on 't , Sir. WIT. I thinke you are . FIT. To call you to a reckoning . WIT. Away , you brokers blocke , you property . FIT. S'light , if you strike me , I 'll strike your Mistresse , WIT. O! I could shoote mine eyes at him , for that , now ; Hee strikes his wife . Or leaue my teeth in'him , were they cuckolds bane , Inough to kill him . What prodigious , Blinde , and most wicked change of fortune 's this ? I ha' no ayre of patience : all my vaines Swell , and my sinewes start at iniquity of it . I shall breake , breake . PVG. This for the malice of it , And my reuenge may passe ! But , now , The Diuell speakes below . my conscience Tells mee , I haue profited the cause of Hell But little , in the breaking-off their loues . Which , if some other act of mine repaire not , I shall heare ill of in my accompt . FIT. O , Bird ! Could you do this ? 'gainst me ? and at this time , now ? Fitz-dottrel enters with his wife as come downe . When I was so imploy'd , wholly for you , Drown'd i' my care ( more , then the land , I sweare , I'haue hope to win ) to make you peere-lesse ? studying , For footemen for you , fine pac'd huishers , pages , To serue you o' the knee ; with what Knights wife , To beare your traine , and sit with your foure women In councell , and receiue intelligences , From forraigne parts , to dresse you at all pieces ! Y'haue ( a'most ) turn'd my good affection , to you ; Sowr'd my sweet thoughts ; all my pure purposes : I could now finde ( i' my very heart ) to make Another , Lady Dutchesse ; and depose you . Well , goe your waies in . Diuell , you haue redeem'd all . I doe forgiue you . And I 'll doe you good . ACT. II. SCENE . VIIJ. MERE-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTREL . INGINE. TRAINES . WHy ha you these excursions ? where ha' you beene , Sir ? FIT. Where I ha' beene vex'd a little , with a toy ! MER. O Sir ! no toyes must trouble your graue head , Now it is growing to be great . You must Be aboue all those things . FIT. Nay , nay , so I will. MER. Now you are to'ard the Lord , you must put off The man , Sir. ING . He saies true . MER. You must do nothing As you ha' done it heretofore ; not know , Or salute any man. ING . That was your bed-fellow , The other moneth . MER. The other moneth ? the weeke . Thou dost not know the priuiledges , Ingine , Follow that Title ; nor how swift : To day , When he has put on his Lords face once , then — FIT. Sir , for these things I shall doe well enough , There is no feare of me . But then , my wife is Such an vntoward thing ! shee 'll neuer learne How to comport with it ! I am out of all Conceipt , on her behalfe . MER. Best haue her taught , Sir. FIT. Where ? Are there any Schooles for Ladies ? Is there An Academy for women ? I doe know , For men , there was : I learn'd in it , my selfe , Ingine whispers Merecraft , Merecraft turnes to Fitz-dottrel . To make my legges , and doe my postures . ING . Sir. Doe you remember the conceipt you had — O' the Spanish gowne , at home ? MER. Ha! I doe thanke thee , With all my heart , deare Ingine . Sir , there is A certaine Lady , here about the Towne , An English widdow , who hath lately trauell'd , But shee 's call'd the Spaniard ; cause she came Latest from thence : and keepes the Spanish habit . Such a rare woman ! all our women heere , That are of spirit , and fashion flocke , vnto her , As to their President ; their Law ; their Canon ; More then they euer did , to Oracle-Foreman . Such rare receipts shee has , Sir , for the face ; Such oyles ; such tinctures ; such pomatumn's ; Such perfumes ; med'cines ; quintessences , &c. And such a Mistresse of behauiour ; She knowes , from the Dukes daughter , to the Doxey , What is their due iust : and no more ! FIT. O Sir ! You please me i'th is , more then mine owne greatnesse . Where is shee ? Let vs haue her . MER. By your patience , We must vse meanes ; cast how to be acquainted — FIT. Good , Sr , about it . MER. We must think how , first . FIT. O! I doe not loue to tarry for a thing , When I haue a mind to 't . You doe not know me . If you doe offer it . MER. Your wife must send Some pretty token to her , with a complement , And pray to be receiu'd in her good graces , All the great Ladies do 't , FIT. She shall , she shall , What were it best to be ? MER. Some little toy , I would not haue it any great matter , Sir : A Diamant ring , of forty or fifty pound , Would doe it handsomely : and be a gift Fit for your wife to send , and her to take . FIT. I 'll goe , and tell my wife on 't , streight . MER. Why this Fitz-dottrel goes out . Is well ! The clothes we'haue now : But , where 's this Lady ? If we could get a witty boy , now , Ingine ; That were an excellent cracke . I could instruct him , To the true height . For any thing takes this dottrel . ING . Why , Sir your best will be one o' the players ! MER. No , there 's no trusting them . They 'll talke on 't , And tell their Poets . ING . What if they doe ? the iest will brooke the Stage . But , there be some of 'hem Are very honest Lads . There 's Dicke Robinson A very pretty fellow , and comes often To a Gentlemans chamber , a friends of mine . We had The merriest supper of it there , one night , The Gentlemans Land-lady invited him To'a Gossips feast , Now , he Sir brought Dick Robinson , Drest like a Lawyers wife , amongst 'hem all ; ( I lent him cloathes ) but , to see him behaue it ; And lay the law ; and carue ; and drinke vnto 'hem ; And then talke baudy : and send frolicks ! o ! It would haue burst your buttons , or not left you A seame . MER. They say hee 's an ingenious youth ! ING . O Sir ! and dresses himselfe , the best ! beyond Forty o' your very Ladies ! did you ne'r see him ? MER. No , I do seldome see those toyes . But thinke you , That we may haue him ? ING . Sir , the young Gentleman I tell you of , can command him . Shall I attempt it ? MER. Yes , doe it . FIT. S'light , I cannot get my wife Enters againe . To part with a ring , on any termes : and yet , The sollen Monkey has two . MER. It were'gainst reason , That you should vrge it ; Sir , send to a Gold-smith , ●e not her lose by 't . FIT. How do's she lose by 't ? Is 't not for her ? MER. Make it your owne bounty , It will ha' the better successe ; what is a matter Of fifty pound to you , Sr. FIT. I' haue but a hundred Pieces , to shew here ; that I would not breake — MER. You shall ha' credit , Sir. I 'll send a ticket Vnto my Gold-smith . Heer , my man comes too , Traines enters . To carry it fitly . How now , Traines ? What birds ? TRA. Your Cousin Euer-ill met me , and has beat mee , Because I would not tell him where you were : I think he has dogd me to the house too . FIT. Well — You shall goe out at the back-doore , then , Traines . You must get Guilt-head hither ▪ by some meanes : TRA. 'T is impossible ! ●IT . Tell him , we haue venison , I 'll g' him a piece , and send his wife a Phesant . TRA. A Forrest moues not , till that forty pound , Yo' had of him , last , be pai'd . He keepes more stirre , For that same petty summe , then for your bond Of sixe ; and Statute of eight hundred ! ●IT . Tell him Wee 'll hedge in that . Cry vp Fitz-dottrell to him , Double his price : Make him a man of mettall . TRA. That will not need , his bond is currant inough . ACT. III. SCENE . I. GVILT-HEAD . PLVTARCHVS . ALl this is to make you a Gentleman : I 'll haue you learne , Sonne . Wherefore haue I plac'd you With Sr. Poul Either-side , but to haue so much Law To keepe your owne ? Besides , he is a Iustice , Here i' the Towne ; and dwelling , Sonne , with him , You shal learne that in a yeere , shall be worth twenty Of hauing stay'd you at Oxford , or at Cambridge , Or sending you to the Innes of Court , or France . I am call'd for now in haste , by Master Meere-craft To trust Master Fitz-dottrel , a good man : I' haue inquir'd him , eighteene hundred a yeere , ( His name is currant ) for a diamant ring Of forty , shall not be worth thirty ( that 's gain'd ) And this is to make you a Gentleman ! PLV. O , but good father you trust too much ! GVI. Boy , boy , We liue , by finding fooles out , to be trusted . Our shop-bookes are our pastures , our corn-grounds , We lay 'hem op'n , for them to come into : And when wee haue 'hem there , wee driue 'hem vp In ●one of our two Pounds , the Compters , streight , And this is to make you a Gentleman ! Wee Citizens neuer trust , but wee doe coozen : For , if our debtors pay , wee coozen them ; And if they doe not , then we coozen our selues . But that 's a hazard euery one must runne , That hopes to make his Sonne a Gentleman ! PLV. I doe not wish to be one , truely , Father . In a descent , or two , wee come to be Iust 'itheir state , fit to be coozend , like ' hem . And I had rather ha' tarryed i' your trade : For , since the Gentry scorne the Citty so much , Me thinkes we should in time , holding together , And matching in our owne tribes , as they say , Haue got an Act of Common Councell , for it , That we might coozen them out of rerum natura . GVI. I , if we had an Act first to forbid The marrying of our wealthy heyres vnto 'hem : And daughters , with such lauish portions . That confounds all . PLV. And makes a Mungril breed , Father . And when they haue your money , then they laugh at you : Or kick you downe the stayres . I cannot abide ' hem . I would faine haue 'hem coozen'd , but not trusted . ACT. III. SCENE . II. MERE-CRAFT . GVILT-HEAD . FITZ-DOTTRELL . PLVTARCHVS . O , is he come ! I knew he would not faile me . Welcome , good Guilt-head , I must ha' you doe A noble Gentleman , a courtesie , here : In a mere toy ( some pretty Ring , or Iewell ) Of fifty , or threescore pound ( Make it a hundred , And hedge in the last forty , that I owe you , And your owne price for the Ring ) He 's a good man , Sr , And you may hap ' see him a great one ! Hee , Is likely to bestow hundreds , and thousands , Wi' you ; if you can humour him . A great prince He will be shortly . What doe you say ? GVI. In truth , Sir I cannot . 'T has beene a long vacation with vs , FIT. Of what , I pray thee ? of wit ? or honesty ? Those are your Citizens long vacations . PLV. Good Father do not trust ' hem . MER. Nay , Thom. Guilt-head . Hee will not buy a courtesie and begge it : Hee 'll rather pay , then pray . If you doe for him , You must doe cheerefully . His credit , Sir , Is not yet prostitute ! Who 's this ? thy sonne ? A pretty youth , what 's his name ? PLV. Plutarchus , Sir. MER. Plutarchus ! How came that about ? GVI. That yeere Sr , That I begot him , I bought Plutarch's liues , And fell s' in loue with the booke , as I call'd my sonne By ' his name ; In hope he should be like him : And write the liues of our great men ! MER. I' the City ? And you do breed him , there ? GVI. His minde , Sir , lies Much to that way . MER. Why , then , he is i' the right way . GVI. But , now , I had rather get him a good wife , And plant him i' the countrey ; there to vse The blessing I shall leaue him ▪ MER. Out vpon 't ! And lose the laudable meanes , thou hast at home , heere , T' aduance , and make him a young Alderman ? Buy him a Captaines place , for shame ; and let him Into the world , early , and with his plume , And Scarfes , march through Cheapside , or along Cornehill , And by the vertue ' of those , draw downe a wife There from a windo ' , worth ten thousand pound ! Get him the posture booke , and 's leaden men , To set vpon a table , 'gainst his Mistresse Chance to come by , that hee may draw her in , And shew her Finsbury battells . GVI. I haue plac'd him With Iustice Eytherside , to get so much law — MER. As thou hast conscience . Come , come , thou dost wrong Pretty Plutarchus , who had not his name , For nothing : but was borne to traine the youth Of London , in the military truth — That way his Genius lies . My Cousin Euerill ! ACT. III. SCENE . IIJ. EVER-ILL . PLVTARCHVS . GVILT-HEAD . MERE-CRAFT . FITZDOTTRELL . O , are you heere , Sir ? 'pray you let vs whisper . PLV. Father , deare Father , trust him if you loue mee . GVI. Why , I doe meane it , boy ; but , what I doe , Must not come easily from mee : Wee must deale With Courtiers , boy , as Courtiers deale with vs. If I haue a Businesse there , with any of them , Why , I must wait , I 'am sure on 't , Son : and though My Lord dispatch me , yet his worshipfull man — Will keepe me for his sport , a moneth , or two , To shew mee with my fellow Cittizens . I must make his traine long , and full , one quarter ; And helpe the spectacle of his greatnesse . There , Nothing is done at once , but iniuries , boy : And they come head-long ! all their good turnes moue not , Or very slowly PLV. Yet sweet father , trust him . GVI. VVell , I will thinke . EV. Come , you must do 't , Sir. I 'am vndone else , and your Lady Tayle-bush Has sent for mee to dinner , and my cloaths A●e all at pawne . I had sent out this morning , Before I heard you were come to towne , some twenty Of my epistles , and no one returne — MER. Mere-craft tells him of his faults . VVhy , I ha' told you o'th is . This comes of wearing Scarlet , gold lace , and cut-works ! your fine gartring ! VVith your blowne roses , Cousin ! and your eating Phesant , and Godwit , here in London ! haunting The Globes , and Mermaides ! wedging in with Lords , Still at the table ! and affecting lechery , In veluet ! where could you ha' contented your selfe VVith cheese , salt-butter , and a pickled hering , I' the Low-countries ; there worne cloth , and fustian ! Beene satisfied with a leape o' your Host's daughter , In garrison , a wench of a stoter ! or , Your Sutlers wife , i' the leaguer , of two blanks ! You neuer , then , had runne vpon this flat , To write your letters missiue , and send out Your priuy seales , that thus haue frighted off All your acquintance ; that they shun you at distance , VVorse , then you do the Bailies ! EV. Pox vpon you . Hee repines , I come not to you for counsell , I lacke money . MER. You doe not thinke , what you owe me already ? EV. I ? They owe you , that meane to pay you . I 'll besworne , I neuer meant it . Come , you will proiect , I shall vndoe your practice , for this moneth else : and threatens him . You know mee . MER. I , yo' are a right sweet nature ! EV. Well , that 's all one ! MER. You 'll leaue this Empire , one day ? You will not euer haue this tribute payd , Your scepter o' the sword ? EV. Tye vp your wit , Doe , and prouoke me not — MER. Will you , Sir , helpe , To what I shall prouoke another for you ? EV. I cannot tell ; try me : I thinke I am not So vtterly , of an ore vn-to-be-melted , But I can doe my selfe good , on occasions . MER. They ioyne . Strike in then , for your part . Mr. Fitz-dottrel If I transgresse in point of manners , afford mee Your best construction ; I must beg my freedome From your affayres , this day . FIT. How , Sr. MER. It is Mere-craft pretends businesse . In succour of this Gentlemans occasions , My kins-man — FIT. You 'll not do me that affront , Sr. MER. I am sory you should so interpret it , But , Sir , it stands vpon his being inuested In a new office , hee has stood for , long : Master of the Dependances ! A place Of my proiection too , Sir , and hath met Much opposition ; but the State , now , see 's That great necessity of it , as after all Their writing , and their speaking , against Duells , They haue erected it . His booke is drawne — For , since , there will be differences , daily , 'Twixt Gentlemen ; and that the roaring manner Is growne offensiue ; that those few , we call The ciuill men o' the sword , abhorre the vapours ; They shall refer now , hither , for their processe ; And such as trespasse 'gainst the rule of Court , Are to be fin'd — FIT. In troth , a pretty place ! MER· A kinde of arbitrary Court 't will be , Sir. FIT. I shall haue matter for it , I beleeue , Ere it be long : I had a distast . MER. But now , Sir , My learned councell , they must haue a feeling , They 'll part , Sir , with no bookes , without the hand gout Be oyld , and I must furnish . If 't be money , To me streight . I am Mine , Mint and Exchequer , To supply all . What is 't ? a hundred pound ? EVE . No , th' Harpey , now , stands on a hundred pieces . MER. Why , he must haue 'hem , if he will. To morrow , Sir , Will equally serue your occasion's , — And therefore , let me obtaine , that you will yeeld To timing a poore Gentlemans distresses , In termes of hazard . — FIT. By no meanes ! MER. I must Get him this money , and will. — FIT. Sir , I protest , I 'd rather stand engag'd for it my selfe : Then you should leaue mee . MER. O good Sr. do you thinke So coursely of our manners , that we would , For any need of ours , be prest to take it : Though you be pleas'd to offer it . FIT. Why , by heauen , I meane it ! MER. I can neuer beleeue lesse . But wee , Sir , must preserue our dignity , As you doe publish yours . By your faire leaue , Sir. FIT. As I am a Gentleman , if you doe offer To leaue mee now , or if you doe refuse mee , I will not thinke you loue mee . MER. Sir , I honour you . And with iust reason , for these noble notes , Of the nobility , you pretend too ! But , Sir — I would know , why ? a motiue ( he a stranger ) You should doe this ? EVE . You 'll mar all with your finenesse FIT. Why , that 's all one , if'twere , Sir , but my fancy . But I haue a Businesse , that perhaps I 'd haue Brought to his office . MER. O , Sir ! I haue done , then ; If hee can be made profitable , to you . FIT. Yes , and it shall be one of my ambitions To haue it the first Businesse ? May I not ? EVE . So you doe meane to make 't , a perfect Businesse . FIT. Nay , I 'll doe that , assure you : shew me once . MER. Sr , it concernes , the first be a perfect Businesse , For his owne honour ! EVE . I , and th' reputation Too , of my place . FIT. Why , why doe I take this course , else ? I am not altogether , an Asse , good Gentlemen , Wherefore should I consult you ? doe you thinke ? To make a song on 't ? How 's your manner ? tell vs. MER. Doe , satisfie him : giue him the whole course . EVE . First , by request , or otherwise , you offer Your Businesse to the Court : wherein you craue : The iudgement of the Master and the Assistants . FIT. Well , that 's done , now , what doe you vpon it ? EVE . We streight Sr , haue recourse to the spring-head ; Visit the ground ; and , so disclose the nature : If it will carry , or no. If wee doe finde , By our proportions it is like to proue A sul●en , and blacke Bus'nesse That it be Incorrigible ; and out of , treaty ; then , We file it , a Dependance ! FIT. So 't is fil'd . What followes ? I doe loue the order of these things . EVE . We then aduise the party , if he be A man of meanes , and hauings , that forth-with , He settle his estate : if not , at least That he pretend it . For , by that , the world Takes notice , that it now is a Dependance . And this we call , Sir , Publication . FIT. Very sufficient ! After Publication , now ? EVE . Then we grant out our Processe , which is diuers ; Eyther by Chartell , Sir , or ore-tenus , Wherein the Challenger , and Challengee Or ( with your Spaniard ) your Prouocador , And Prouocado , haue their seuerall courses — FIT. I haue enough on 't ! for an hundred pieces ? Yes , for two hundred , vnder-write me , doe . Your man will take my bond ? MER. That he will , sure , But , these same Citizens , they are such sharks ! He whispers Fitz-dottrell aside . There 's an old debt of forty , I ga● my word For one is runne away , to the Bermudas , And he will hooke in that , or he wi' not doe . FIT. Why , let him . That and the ring , and a hundred pieces , Will all but make two hundred ? MER. No , no more , Sir. What ready Arithmetique you haue ? doe you heare ? And then Guilt-head A pretty mornings worke for you , this ? Do it , You shall ha' twenty pound on 't . GVI. Twenty pieces ? ( PLV. Good Father , do 't ) MER. You will hooke still ? well , Shew vs your ring . You could not ha' done this , now With gentlenesse , at first , wee might ha' thank'd you ? But groane , and ha' you courtesies come from you Like a hard stoole , and stinke ? A man may draw Your teeth out easier , then your money ? Come , Were little Guilt-head heere , no better a nature , Hee pulls Plutarchus by the lips . I should ne'r loue him , that could pull his lips off , now ! Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman ? PLV. Yes , Sir. MER. And went to the Court at Christmas , and St. Georges-tide ? And lent the Lords-men , chaines ? PLV. Of gold , and pearle , Sr. MER. I knew , thou must take , after some body ! Thou could'st not be else . This was no shop-looke ! 'll ha' thee Captaine Guilt-head , and march vp , And take in Pimlico , , and kill the bush , At euery tauerne ! Thou shalt haue a wife , If smocks will mount , boy . How now ? you ha' there now Some Bristo-stone , He turnes to old Guilt-head . or Cornish counterfeit You 'ld put vpon vs. GVI. No , Sir , I assure you : Looke on his luster ! hee will speake himselfe ! I 'le gi'you leaue to put him i' the Mill , H 'is no great , large stone , but a true Paragon , H' has all his corners , view him well . MER. H 'is yellow . GVI. Vpo'my faith , Sr , o' the right black-water , And very deepe ! H 'is set without a foyle , too . Here 's one o' the yellow-water , I 'll sell cheape . MER. And what do you valew this , at ? thirty pound ? GVI. No , Sir , he cost me forty , ere he was set . MER. Turnings , you meane ? I know your Equinocks : You' are growne the better Fathers of 'hem o'late . Well , where 't must goe , 't will be iudg'd , and , therefore , Looke you't be right . You shall haue fifty pound for 't . Not a deneer more ! And , Now to Fitz-dottrel . because you would Haue things dispatch'd , Sir , I 'll goe presently , Inquire out this Lady . If you thinke good , Sir. Hauing an hundred pieces ready , you may Part with those , now , to serue my kinsmans turnes , That he may wait vpon you , anon , the freer ; And take 'hem when you ha' seal'd , a gaine , of Guilt-head . FIT. I care not if I do ! MER. And dispatch all , Together . FIT. There , th' are iust : a hundred pieces ! I' ha' told 'hem ouer , twice a day , these two moneths . Hee turnes 'hem out together . And Euerill and hee fall to share . MER. Well , go , and seale then , Sr , make your returne As speedy as you can . EVE . Come gi' mee . MER. Soft , Sir , EVE· Mary , and faire too , then . I 'll no delaying , Sir. MER. But , you will heare ? EV. Yes , when I haue my diuident . MER. There 's forty pieces for you . EVE . What is this for ? MER. Your halfe . You know , that Guilt-head must ha' twenty . EVE . And what 's your ring there ? shall I ha' none o'th at ? MER. O , that 's to be giuen to a Lady ! EVE . Is 't so ? MER. By that good light , it is . EV. Come , gi'me Ten pieces more , then . MER. Why ? EV. For Guilt-head ? Sir , Do' you thinke , I 'll ' low him any such share : MER. You must . EVE . Must I ? Doe you your musts , Sir , I 'll doe mine , You wi'not part with the whole , Sir ? Will you ? Goe too . Gi' me ten pieces ! MER. By what law , doe you this ? EVE . E'n Lyon-law , Sir , I must roare else . MER. Good ! EVE . Yo' haue heard , how th' Asse made his diuisions , wisely ? MER. And , I am he : I thanke you . EV. Much good do you , Sr. MER. I shall be rid o'th is tyranny , one day ? EVE . Not , While you doe eate ; and lie , about the towne , here ; And coozen i' your bullions ; and I stand Your name of credit , and compound your businesse ; Adiourne your beatings euery terme ; and make New parties for your proiects . I haue , now , A pretty tasque , of it , to hold you in W● ' your Lady Tayle-bush : but the toy will be , How we shall both come off ? MER. Leaue you your doubting . And doe your portion , what 's assign'd you : I Neuer fail'd yet . EVE . With reference to your aydes ? You 'll still be vnthankfull . Where shall I meete you , anon ? You ha' some feate to doe alone , now , I see ; You wish me gone , well , I will finde you out , And bring you after to the audit . MER. S'light ! There 's Ingines share too , I had forgot ! This raigne Is too-too-vnsuportable ! I must Quit my selfe of this vassalage ! Ingine ! welcome . ACT. IIJ. SCENE . IV. MERE-CRAFT . INGINE. VVITTIPOL . HOw goes the cry ? ING . Excellent well ! MER. Wil 't do ? VVhere 's Robinson ? ING . Here is the Gentleman , Sir. VVill vndertake t'himselfe . I haue acquainted him , MER. VVhy did you so ? ING . VVhy , Robinson would ha' told him , You know . And hee 's a pleasant wit ! will hurt Nothing you purpose . Then , he 'is of opinion , That Robinson might want audacity , She being such a gallant . Now , hee has beene , In Spaine , and knowes the fashions there ; and can Discourse ; and being but mirth ( hee saies ) leaue much , To his care : MER. But he is too tall ! ING . For that , He has the brauest deuice ! ( you 'll loue him for 't ) To say , he weares Cioppinos : and they doe so In Spaine . And Robinson 's as tall , as hee . MER. Is he so ? ING . Euery iot . MER. Nay , I had rather To trust a Gentleman with it , o' the two . ING . Pray you goe to him , then , Sir , and salute him . MER. Sir , my friend Ingine has acquainted you With a strange businesse , here . WIT. A merry one , Sir. The Duke of Drown'd-land , and his Dutchesse ? MER. Yes , Sir. Now , that the Coniurers ha' laid him by , I ha' made bold , to borrow him a while ; WIT. With purpose , yet , to put him out I hope To his best vse ? MER. Yes , Sir. WIT. For that small part , That I am trusted with , put off your care : I would not lose to doe it , for the mirth , Will follow of it ; and well , I haue a fancy . MER. Sir , that will make it well . WIT. You will report it so . Where must I haue my dressing ? ING . At my house , Sir. MER. You shall haue caution , Sir , for what he yeelds , To six pence . WIT. You shall pardon me . I will share , Sir , I' your sports , onely : nothing i' your purchase . But you must furnish mee with complements , To th' manner of Spaine ; my coach , my guarda duenn'as ; MER. Ingine 's your Pro'uedor . But , Sir , I must ( Now I'haue entred trust wi' you , thus farre ) Secure still i' your quality , acquaint you With somewhat , beyond this . The place , design'd To be the Scene , for this our mery matter , Because it must haue countenance of women , To draw discourse , and offer it , is here by , At the Lady Taile-bushes . WIT. I know her , Sir , And her Gentleman huisher . MER. Mr Ambler ? WIT. Yes , Sir. MER. Sir , It shall be no shame to mee , to confesse To you , that wee poore Gentlemen , that want acres , Must for our needs , turne fooles vp , and plough Ladies Sometimes , to try what glebe they a●e : and this Is no vnfruitefull piece . She , and I now , Are on a proiect , for the fact , and venting Of a new kinde of fucus ( paint , for Ladies ) To serue the kingdome : wherein shee her selfe Hath trauell'd , specially , by way of seruice Vnto her sexe , and hopes to get the Monopoly , As the reward , of her inuention . WIT. What is her end , in this ? EV. Merely ambition , Sir , to grow great , and court it with the secret : Though shee pretend some other . For , she 's dealing , Already , vpon caution for the shares , And Mr. Ambler , is hee nam'd Examiner For the ingredients ; and the Register Of what is vented ; and shall keepe the Office. Now , if shee breake with you , of this ( as I Must make the leading thred to your acquaintance , That , how experience gotten i' your being Abroad , will helpe our businesse ) thinke of some Pretty additions , but to keepe her floting : It may be , shee will offer you a part , Any strange names of — WIT. Sr , I haue my'instructions . Is it not high time to be making ready ? MER. Yes , Sir , ING . The foole 's in sight , Dottrel . MER. Away , then . ACT. IIJ. SCENE . V. MERE-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTREL . PVG. REturn'd so soone ? FIT. Yes , here 's the ring : I ha'seal'd . But there 's not so much gold in all the row , he saies — Till'● come fro' the Mint . 'T is tane vp for the gamesters . MER. There 's a shop-shift ! plague on 'hem . FIT. He do's sweare it . MER. He 'll sweare , and forsweare too , it is his trade , You should not haue left him . FIT. S'lid , I can goe backe , And beat him , yet . MER. No , now let him alone . FIT. I was so earnest , after the maine Businesse , To haue this ring , gone . MER. True , and 't is time . I haue learn'd , Sir , sin' you went , her Ladi●ship●ats ●ats With the Lady Tail bush , here , hard by . FIT. I' the lane here ? MER. Yes , if you ' had a seruant , now of presence , Well cloth'd , and of an aë●y voluble tongue , Neither too bigge , or little for his mouth , That could deliuer your wiues complement ; To send along withall . FIT. I haue one Sir , A very handsome , gentleman-like-fellow , That I doe meane to make my Dutchesse Vsher — I entertain'd him , but this morning , too : I 'll call him to you . The worst of him , is his name ! MER. She 'll take no note of that , but of his message . Hee shewes him his Pug. FIT. Diuell ! How like you him , Sir. Pace , go a little . Let 's see you moue . MER. He 'll serue , Sr , giue it him : And let him goe along with mee , I 'll helpe To present him , and it . FIT. Looke , you doe sirah , Discharge this well , as you expect your place . Do' you heare , goe on , come off with all your honours . I would faine see him , do it . MER. Trust him , with it ; Giues him instructions . FIT. Remember kissing of your hand , and answering With the French-time , in flexure of your body . I could now ▪ so instruct him — and for his words — MER. I 'll put them in his mouth . FIT. O , but I haue 'hem O' the very Academies . MER. Sir , you 'll haue vse for 'hem , Anon , your selfe , I warrant you : after dinner , When you are call'd . FIT. S'light , that 'll be iust play-time . It cannot be , I must not lose the play ! MER. Sir , but you must , if she appoint to sit . And , shee 's president . FIT. S'lid , it is the Diuell ! MER. And , 't were his Damme too , you must now apply Your selfe , Sir , to this , wholly ; or lose all . FIT. If I could but see a piece — MER. Sr. Neuer think on 't . FIT. Come but to one act , and I did not care — But to be seene to rise , and goe away , To vex the Players , and to punish their Poet — K●epe him in awe ! MER. But say , that he be one , Wi'not be aw'd ! but laugh at you . How then ? FIT. Then he shall pay for ' his dinner himselfe . MER. Perhaps , He would doe that twice , rather then thanke you . Come , get the Diuell out of your head , my Lord , ( I 'll call you so in priuate still ) and take Your Lord ship i' your minde . You were , sweete Lord , In ta●ke to bring a Businesse to the Office. FIT. Yes . MER. Why should no● you , Sr , carry it o' your selfe , Before the Office be vp ? and shew the world , You had no need of any mans direction ; In point , Sir , of sufficiency . I speake Against a kinsman , but as one that tenders Your graces good . FIT. I thanke you ; to proceed — MER. To Publications : ha ▪ your Deed drawne presently . And leaue a blancke to put in your Feoff●es One , two , or more , as you see cause — FIT. I thank you Heartily , I doe thanke you . Not a word more , I pray you , as you loue mee . Let mee alone . That I could not thinke o'th is , as well , as hee ? O , I could beat my infinite blocke-head — ! MER. Come , we must this way . PVG. How far is 't . MER. Hard by here Ouer the way . Now , to atchieue this ring , From this same fellow , that is to assure it ; Before hee giue it . Though my Spanish Lady , Be a young Gentleman of meanes , and scorne To share , as hee doth say , I doe not know How such a toy may tempt his Lady-ship : And therefore , I thinke best , it be assur'd . PVG. Sir , be the Ladies braue , wee goe vnto ? MER. O , yes . PVG. And shall I see 'hem , and speake to ' hem ? MER. What else ? ha'you your false-beard about you ? Traines . TRA. Yes , MER. And is this one of your double Cloakes ? TRA. The best of ' hem . MER. Be ready then . Sweet Pi●fall ! ACT. IIJ. SCENE . VI. MERE-CRAFT . PITFALL . PVG. TRAINES . COme , I must busse — PIT . Away . MER. I 'll set thee vp again . Offers to kisse . Neuer feare that : canst thou get ne'r a bird ? No Thrushes hungry ? Stay , till cold weather come , I 'll help thee to an Onsell , or , a Field-fare . She runs in , in haste : he followes . Who 's within , with Madame ? PIT . I 'll tell you straight . MER. Please you stay here , a while Sir , I 'le goe in . PVG. I doe so long to haue a little venery , While I am in this body ! I would tast Pug leaps at Pitfall's comming in . Of euery sinne , a little , if it might be After the māner of man ! Sweet-heart ! PIT . What would you , Sr ? PVG. Nothing but fall in , to you , be your Black-bird , My pretty pit ( as the Gentleman said ) your Throstle : Lye tame , and taken with you ; here'i 's gold ! To buy you so much new stuffes , from the shop , Traine's in his false cloak , brings a false message , and gets the ring . Mere-craft followes presently , and askes for it . Ent. Train's as himselfe againe . As I may take the old vp — TRA. You must send , Sir. The Gentleman the ring . PVG. There ' t is . Nay looke , Will you be foolish , Pit , PIT . This is strange rudenesse . PVG. Deare Pit. PIT . I 'll call , I sweare . MER. Where are you , Sr ? Is your ring ready ? Goe with me . PVG. I sent it you . MER. Me ? When ? by whom ? PVG. A fellow here , e'en now , Came for it i' your name . MER. I sent none , sure . My meaning euer was , you should deliuer it , Your selfe : So was your Masters charge , you know . What fellow was it , doe you know him ? PVG. Here , But now , he had it . MER. Saw you any ? Traines ? TRA. Not I. PVG. The Gentleman saw him . MER. Enquire . PVG. I was so earnest vpon her , I mark'd not ! My diuellish Chiefe has put mee here in flesh , To shame mee ! This dull body I am in , I perceiue nothing with ! I offer at nothing , That will succeed ! TRA. Sir , she saw none , she saies . PVG. Satan himselfe , has tane a shape t' abuse me . It could not be else ! MER. This is aboue strange ! That you should be so retchlesse . what 'll you do , Sir ? How will you answer this , when you are question'd ? PVG. Run from my flesh , if I could ▪ put off mankind ! This 's such a scorne ! and will be a new exercise , For my Arch-Duke ! Woe to the seuerall cudgells , Must suffer , on this backe ! Can you no succours ? Sir ? MER. Alas ! the vse of it is so present , PVG I aske , Sir , credit for another , but till to morrow ? MER. There is not so much time , Sir. But how euer , The Lady is a noble Lady , and will ( To saue a Gentleman from check ) be intreated To say , she ha's receiu'd it . PVG. Do you thinke so ? Will shee be won ? MER. No doubt , to such an office , It will be a Lady's brauery , and her pride . PVG. And not be knowne on 't after , vnto him ? MER. That were a treachery ! Vpon my word , Be confident . Returne vnto your master , My Lady President sits this after-noone , Ha'stan● the ring , commends her seruices ●nto your Lady-Dutchesse . You may say She 's a ciuill Lady , and do's giue her All her respects , already : Bad you , tell her She liues , but to receiue her wish'd commandements , And haue the honor here to kisse her hands : For which shee 'll stay this houre yet . Hasten you Your Prince , away . PVG. And Sir , you will take care Th' excuse be perfect ? MER. You confesse your feares . Too much . PVG. The shame is more , I 'll quit you of either . ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . I. TAILE-BVSH . MERE-CRAFT . MANLY. A Pox vpo ' referring to Commissioners , I 'had rather heare that it were past the seales : Your Courtiers moue so Snaile-like i' your Businesse . Wuld I had not begun wi' you . MER. We must moue , Madame , in order , by degrees : not iump . TAY. Why , there was Sr. Iohn Monie-man could iump A Businesse quickely . MER. True , hee had great friends , But , because some , sweete Madame , can leape ditches , Wee must not all shunne to goe ouer bridges . The harder parts , I make account are done : Now , 't is referr'd . You are infinitly bound Vnto the Ladies , they ha' so cri'd it vp ! TAY. Doe they like it then ? MER. They ha' sent the Spanish-Lady , To gratulate with you — TAY. I must send 'hem thankes And some remembrances . MER. That you must , and visit ' hem . Where 's Ambler ? TAY. Lost , to day , we cannot heare of him . MER. Not Madam ? TAY. No in good faith . They say he lay not At home , to night . And here has fall'n a Businesse Betweene your Cousin , and Master Manly , has Vnquieted vs all . MER. So I heare , Madame . Pray you how was it ? TAY. Troth , it but appeares Ill o' your Kinsmans part . You may haue heard , That Manly is a sutor to me , I doubt not : MER. I guess'd it , Madame . TAY. And it seemes , he trusted Your Cousin to let fall some faire reports Of him vnto mee . MER. Which he did ! TAY. So farre From it , as hee came in , and tooke him rayling Against him . MER. How ! And what said Manly to him ? TAY. Inough , I doe assure you : and with that scorne Of him , and the iniury , as I doe wonder How Euerill bore it ! But that guilt vndoe's Many mens valors MER. Here comes Manly . MAN. Madame , I 'll take my leaue — TAY. You sha'not goe , i'faith . I 'll ha' you stay , and see this Spanish miracle , Of our English Ladie . MAN. Let me pray your Ladiship , Lay your commands on me , some other time . TAY. Now , I protest : and I will haue all piec'd , And friends againe . MAN. It will be but ill solder'd ▪ TAY. You are too much affected with it . MAN. I cannot Madame , but thinke on 't for th'iniustice . TAY. Sir , His kinsman here is sorry . MER. Not I , Madam , I am no kin to him , wee but call Cousins , And if wee were , Sir , I haue no relation Vnto his crimes . MAN. You are not vrged with ' hem . I can accuse , Sir , none but mine owne iudgement , For though it were his crime , so to betray mee : I 'am sure , 't was more mine owne , at all to trust him . But he , therein , did vse but his old manners , And sauour strongly what hee was before . TAY. Come , he will change ! MAN. Faith , I must neuer think it . Nor were it reason in mee to expect That for my sake , hee should put off a nature Hee suck'd in with his milke . It may be Madam , Deceiuing trust , is all he has to trust to : If ●o , I shall be loath , that any hope Of mine , should bate him of his meanes . TAY. Yo' are sharp , Sir. This act may make him honest ! MAN If he were To be made honest , by an act of Parliament , I should not alter , i' my faith of him . TAY. Eyther-side ! Welcome , deare Either-side ! how hast thou done , good wench ? She spies the Lady Eyther-side . Thou hast beene a stranger ! I ha' not seene thee , this weeke . ACT. IIIJ. SCEN. E II. EJTHERSIDE . To them EVer your seruant , Madame . TAY. Where hast'hou beene ? I did so long to see thee . EIT. Visiting , and so tyr'd ! I protest , Madame , 't is a monstrous trouble ! TAY. And so it is . I sweare I must to morrow , Beginne my visits ( would they were ouer ) at Court. It tortures me , to thinke on 'hem . EIT. I doe heare You ha' cause , Madam , your sute goes on . TAY. Who told thee ? EYT. One , that can tell : Mr. Eyther-side . TAY. O , thy husband ! Yes faith , there 's life in 't , now : It is referr'd . If wee once see it vnder the seales , wench , then , Haue with 'hem for the great Carroch , sixe horses , And the two Coach-men , with my Ambler , bare , And my three women : wee will liue , i'faith , The examples o' the towne , and gouerne it . I 'le lead the fashion still . EIT. You doe that , now , Sweet Madame . TAY. O , but then , I 'll euery day Bring vp some new deuice . Thou and I , Either-side , Will first be in it , I will giue it thee ; And they shall follow vs. Thou shalt , I sweare , Weare euery moneth a new gowne , out of it . EIT. Thanke you good Madame . TAY. Pray thee call mee Taile-bush As I thee , Either-side ; I not loue this , Madame . EYT. Then I protest to you , Taile-bush , I am glad Your Businesse so succeeds . TAY. Thanke thee , good Eyther-side . EYT. But Master Either-side tells me , that he likes Your other Businesse better . TAY. Which ? EIT. O' the Tooth-picks . TAY. I neuer heard on 't . EIT. Aske Mr. Mere craft . MER. Madame ? H 'is one , in a word , I 'll trust his malice , With any mans credit , I would haue abus'd ! MAN. Mere-craft hath whisper'd with 〈◊〉 while . Sir , if you thinke you doe please mee , in this , You are deceiu'd ! MER. No , but because my Lady , Nam'd him my kinsman ; I would satisfie you , What I thinke of him : and pray you , vpon it To iudge mee ! MAN. So I doe : that ill mens friendship , Is as vnfaithfull , as themselues . TAY. Doe you heare ? Ha'you a Businesse about Tooth-picks ? MER. Yes , Madame . Did I ne'r tell 't you ? I meant to haue offer'd it Your Lady-ship ▪ on the perfecting the pattent . TAY. How is 't ! MER. For seruing the whole state with Tooth-picks ; ( Somewhat an intricate Businesse to discourse ) but — I shew , how much the Subiect is abus'd , First , in that one commodity ? then what diseases , And putrefactions in the gummes are bred , By those are made ' of ' adultrate , and false wood ? My plot , for reformation of these , followes . To haue all Tooth-picks , brought vnto an office , There seal'd ; and such as counterfait 'hem ▪ mulcted . And last , for venting 'hem to haue a booke Printed , to teach their vse , which euery childe Shall haue throughout the kingdome , that can read , And learne to picke his teeth by . Which beginning Earely to practice , with some other rules , Of neuer sleeping with the mouth open , ch●wing Some graines of masticke , Traines his man whispers him . will preserue the breath Pure , and so free from tayn ! — ha'what is 't ? sai'st thou ? TAY. Good faith , it sounds a very pretty Bus'nesse ! EIT. So Mr Either-side saies , Madame . MER. The Lady is come . TAY. Is she ? Good , waite vpon her in . My Ambler Was neuer so ill absent . Either-side , How doe I looke to day ? Am I not drest , She lookes in her glasse Spruntly ? ●IT . Yes , verily , Madame . TAY. Pox o' Madame , Will you not leaue that ? EIT. Yes , good Taile-bush . TAY. So ? Sounds not that better ? What vile Fucus is this , Thou hast got on ? EIT. 'T is Pearle . TAY. Pearle ? Oyster-shells : As I breath , Either-side , I know 't . Here comes ( They say ) a wonder , sirrah , has beene in Spaine ! Will teach vs all ! shee 's sent to mee , from Court. To gratulate with mee ! Pr'y thee , let 's obserue her , What faults she has , that wee may laugh at 'hem , When she is gone , EIT. That we will heartily , Tail-bush . Wittipol enters . TAY. O , mee ! the very Infanta of the Giants ! ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . IJI. MERE-CRAFT . WITTIPOL . to them . MER. Here is a noble Lady , Madame , come , Wittipol i● drest like a Spanish Lady . Excuses him selfe for not kissing . From your great friends , at Court , to see your Ladi-ship : And haue the honour of your acquaintance . TAY. Sir. She do's vs honour . WIT. Pray you , say to her Ladiship , It is the manner of Spaine , to imbrace onely , Neuer to kisse . She will excuse the custome ! TAY. Your vse of it is law . Please you , sweete , Madame , To take a seate . WIT. Yes , Madame . I' haue had The fauour , through a world of faire report ●o know your vertues , Madame ; and in that Name , haue desir'd the happinesse of presenting My seruice to your Ladiship ! TAY. Your loue , Madame , I must not owne it else . WIT. Both are due , Madame , To your great vndertakings . TAY. Great ? In troth , Madame , They are my friends , that thinke 'hem any thing : ●f I can doe my sexe ( by 'hem ) any seruice , I'haue my ends , Madame . WIT. And they are noble ones , That make a multitude beholden , Madame ▪ The common-wealth of Ladies , must acknowledge from you . EIT. Except some enuious , Madame . WIT. Yo' are right in that , Madame , Of which race , I encountred some but lately . ●●ho ( 't seemes ) haue studyed reasons to discredit Your businesse . TAY. How ▪ sweet Madame . WIT. Nay , the parties Wi'not be worth your pause — Most ruinous things , Madame , That haue put off all hope of being recouer'd To a degree of handsomenesse . TAY. But their reasons , Madame ? I would faine heare . WIT. Some Madame , I remember . They say , that painting quite destroyes the face — E●T . O , that 's an old one , Madame . WIT. There are new ones , too . Corrupts the breath ; hath left so little sweetnesse In kissing , as 't is now vs'd , but for fashion : And shortly will be taken for a punishment . Decayes the fore-teeth , that should guard the tongue ; And suffers that runne riot euer-lasting ! And ( which is worse ) some Ladies when they meete Manly begins to know him . Cannot be merry , and laugh , but they doe spit In one anothers faces ! MAN. I should know This voyce , and face too : VVIT. Then they say , 't is dangerous To all the falne , yet well dispos'd Mad-dames , That are industrious , and desire to earne Their liuing with their sweate ! For any distemper Of heat , and motion , may displace the colours ; And if the paint once runne about their faces , Twenty to one , they will appeare so ill-fauour'd , Their seruants run away , too , and leaue the pleasure Imperfect , and the reckoning al 's ' vnpay'd . EIT. Pox , these are Poets reasons . TAY. Some old Lady That keepes a Poet , has deuis'd these scandales . EIT. Faith we must haue the Poets banish'd , Madame , As Master Either-side saies . MER. Master Fitz dottrel ? And his wife : where ? Madame , the Duke of Drown'd-land , That will be shortly . VVIT. Is this my Lord ? MER. The same . ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . IV. FITZ-DOTTREL . Mistresse FITZ-DOTTRELL . PVG. to them . YOur seruant , Madame ! VVIT. How now ? Friend ? offended , That I haue found your haunt here ? MAN. No , Wittipol whispers with Manly . but wondring At your strange fashion'd venture , hither . VVIT. It is To shew you what they are , you so pursue . MAN. I thinke 't will proue a med'cine against marriage ; To know their manners . VVIT. Stay , and profit then . MER. The Lady , Madame , whose Prince has brought her , here , To be instructed . VVIT. Please you sit with vs , Lady . Hee presents Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . MER. That 's Lady-President . FIT. A goodly woman ! I cannot see the ring , though . MER. Sir , she has it . TAY. But , Madame , these are very feeble reasons ! WIT. So I vrg'd Madame , that the new complexion , Now to come forth , in name o' your Ladiship 's fucus , Had no ingredient — TAY. But I durst eate , I assure you . WIT. So do they , in Spaine . TAY. Sweet Madam be so liberall , To giue vs some o' your Spanish Fucuses ! VVIT. They are infinit , Madame . TAY. So I heare , they haue VVater of Gourdes , of Radish , the white Beanes , Flowers of Glasse , of Thistles , Rose-marine . Raw Honey , Mustard-seed , and Bread dough-bak'd , The crums o'bread , Goats-milke , and whites of Egges , Campheere , and Lilly-roots , the fat of Swannes , Marrow of Veale , white Pidgeons , and pine - kernells , The seedes of Nettles , perse'line , and hares gall . Limons , thin-skind — EIT. How , her Ladiship has studied Al excellent things ! VVIT. But ordinary , Madame . No , the true rarities , are th' Aluagada , And Argenta●a of Queene Isabella ! TAY. I , what are their ingredients , gentle Madame ? WIT. Your Allum Scagliola , or Pol-dipedra ; And Zuccarino ; Turpentine of Abezzo . VVash'd in nine waters : Soda di leuante , Or your Ferne ashes ; Beniamin di gotta ; Grasso di serpe ; Porcelletto marino ; Oyles of Lentisco ; Zucche Mugia ; make The admirable Vernish for the face , Giues the right luster ; but two drops rub'd on VVi●h a piece of scarlet , makes a Lady of sixty Looke at sixteen . But , aboue all , the water Of the white Hen , of the Lady Estifanias ! TAY. O , I , that same , good Madame , I haue heard of : How is it done ? VVIT. Madame , you take your Hen , Plume it , and skin it , cleanse it o' the inwards : Then chop it , bones and all : adde to foure ounces Of Carrnuacins , Pipitas , Sope of Cyprus , Make the decoction , streine it . Then distill it , And keepe it in your galley-pot well , glidder'd : Three drops preserues from wrinkles , warts , spots , moles , Blemish , or Sun-burnings , and keepes the skin In decimo sexto , euer bright , and smooth , As any looking-glasse ; and indeed , is call'd The Virgins milke for the face , Oglio reale ; A Ceruse , neyther cold or heat , will hurt ; And mixt with oyle of myrrhe , and the red Gilli-flower Call'd Cataputia ; and flowers of Rouistico ; Makes the best muta , or dye of the whole world . TAY. Deare Madame , will you let vs be familiar ? WIT. Your Ladiships seruant . MER ▪ How do you like her . FIT. Admirable ! Hee is iealous about his ring , and Mere-craft deliuers it . But , yet , I cannot see the ring . PVG. Sir. MER ▪ I must Deliuer it , or marre all . This foole 's so iealous . Madame — Sir , weare this ring , and pray you take knowledge , 'T was sent you by his wife . And giue her thanks , Doe not you dwindle , Sir , beare vp . PVG. I thanke you , Sir , TAY. But for the manner of Spaine ! Sweet , Madame , let vs Be bold , now we are in : Are all the Ladies , There , i' the fashion ? VVIT. None but Grandee's , Madame , O' the clasp'd traine , which may be worne at length , too , Or thus , vpon my arme . TAY. And doe they weare Cioppino's all ? VVIT. If they be drest in punto , Madame . EIT. Guilt as those are ? madame ? WIT. Of Goldsmiths work , madame ▪ And set with diamants : and their Spanish pumps Of perfum'd leather . TAI . I should thinke it hard To go in 'hem ▪ madame . WIT. At the first , it is , madame . TAI . Do you neuer fall in ' hem ? WIT. Neuer . EI. I sweare , I should Six times an houre . WIT. But you haue men at hand , still , To helpe you , if you fall ? EIT. Onely one , madame , The Guardo-duennas , such a little old man , As this . EIT. Alas ! hee can doe nothing ! this ! WIT. I 'll tell you , madame , I saw i' the Court of Spaine once , A Lady fall i' the Kings sight , along . And there shee lay , flat spred , as an Vmbrella , Her hoope here crack'd ; no man durst reach a hand To helpe her , till the Guarda-duenn'as came , VVho is the person onel'allow'd to touch A Lady there : and he but by this finger . EIT. Ha' they no seruants , madame , there ? nor friends ? WIT. An Escudero , or so madame , that wayts Vpon 'hem in another Coach , at distance , And when they walke , or daunce , holds by a hand-kercher , Neuer presumes to touch ' hem . EIT. This 's sciruy ! And a forc'd grauity ! I doe not like it . I like our owne much better . TAY. 'T is more French , And Courtly ours . EIT. And tasts more liberty . VVe may haue our doozen of visiters , at once , Make loue t 'vs . TAY. And before our husbands ? EIT. Husband ? As I am honest , Tayle-bush I doe thinke If no body should loue mee , but my poore husband , I should e'n hang my selfe . TAY. Fortune forbid , wench : So faire a necke should haue so foule a neck-lace , EIT. 'T is true , as I am handsome ! WIT. I receiu'd , Lady , A token from you , which I would not bee Rude to refuse , being your first remembrance . ( FIT. O , I am satisfied now ! MER. Do you see it , Sir. ) WIT. But since you come , to know me , neerer , Lady , I 'll begge the honour , you will weare it for mee , It must be so . Mrs . FIT. Sure I haue heard this tongue . MER. What do you meane , Sr ? WIT. Would you ha'me mercenary ? We 'll recompence it anon , in somewhat else , FIT. I doe not loue to be gull'd , though in a toy . VVife , doe you heare ? yo' are come into the Schole , wife , VVhere you may learne , I doe perceiue it , any thing ! How to be fine , or faire , or great , or proud , Or what you will , indeed , wife ; heere 't is taught . And I am glad on 't , that you may not say , Another day , when honours come vpon you , You wanted meanes . I ha' done my parts : beene , To day , at fifty pound charge , first , for a ring , To get you entred . Then left my new Play , To wait vpon you , here , to see 't confirm'd . That I may say , both to mine owne eyes , and eares , Senses , you are my witnesse , sha' hath inioy'd All helps that could be had , for loue , or money — Mrs . FIT. To make a foole of her . FIT. Wife , that 's your malice , The wickednesse o' you nature to interpret Your husbands kindesse thus . But I 'll not leaue ; Still to doe good , for your deprau'd affections : Intend it . Bend this stubborne will ; be great . TAY. Good Madame , whom do they vse in messages ? WI. They cōmonly vse their slaues , Madame . TAI . And do's your Ladiship . Thinke that so good , Madame ? WIT. no , indeed , Madame ; I , Therein preferre the fashion of England farre , Of your young delicate Page , or discreet Vsher , FIT. And I goe with your Ladiship , in opinion , Directly for your Gentleman-vsher , There 's not a finer Officer ▪ goes on ground . WIT. If hee be made and broken to his place , once . FIT. Nay , so I presuppose him . WIT. And they are fitter Managers too , Sir , but I would haue 'hem call'd Our Escudero's . FIT. Good. WIT. Say , I should send To your Ladiship , who ( I presume ) has gather'd All the deare secrets , to know how to make Pastillos of the Dutchesse of Braganza , Coquettas , Almoiauana's , Mantecada's , Alcoreas , Mustaccioli ; or say it were The Peladore of Isabella , or balls Against the itch , or aqua nanfa , or oyle Of lessamine for gloues , of the Marquesse Muja ; Or for the head , and hayre : why , these are offices FIT. Fit for a gentleman , not a slaue . They onely Might aske for your Spanish-cole , To burne , and sweeten a roome : but the Arcana Of Ladies Cabinets — FIT. Should be else where trusted . Yo' are much about the truth . Sweet honoured Ladies , Let mee fall in wi' you . I'ha ' my female wit , As well as my male . And I doe know what sutes A Lady of spirit , or a woman of fashion ! WIT. And you would haue your wife such . FIT. Yes , Madame , aërie , Light ; not to plaine dishonesty , I meane : But , somewhat o'th is side . WIT. I take you , Sir. H' has reason Ladies . I 'll not giue this rush For any Lady , that cannot be honest Within a thred . TAY. Yes , Madame , and yet venter As far for th' other , in her Fame — WIT. As can be ; Coach it to Pimlico ; daunce the Saraband ; Heare , and talke bawdy ; laugh as loud , as a larum ; Squeake , spring , do any thing . EIT. In young company , Madame . TAY. Or afore gallants . If they be braue , or Lords , A woman is ingag'd . FIT. I say so , Ladies , It is ciuility to deny vs nothing . PVG. You talke of a Vniuersity ! why , Hell is A Grammar-schoole to this ! EIT. But then , Shee must not lose a looke on stuffes , or cloth , Madame . TAY. Nor no course fellow . WIT. She must be guided , Madame By the clothes he weares , and company he is in ; Whom to salute , how farre — FIT. I ha' told her this . And how that baw●ry too , vpo ' the point , Is ( in it selfe ) as ciuill a discourse — WIT ▪ As any other affayre of flesh , what euer . FIT. But shee will ne'r be capable , shee is not So much as comming , Madame ; I know not how She lo●es all her opportunities With hoping to be forc'd . I'haue entertain'd A gentleman , a younger brother , here , Whom I would faine breed vp , her Escudero , He shews his Pug. Against some expectation's that I haue , And she 'll not countenance him . WIT. What 's his name ? FIT. Diuel , o' Darbi-shire . EIT. Blesse vs from him ! TAY. Diuell ? Call him De uile , sweet Madame . Mrs . FI What you please , Ladies . TAY. De-uile's a prettier name ! EIT. And sounds , me thinks , As it came in with the Conquerour — MAN. Ouer smocks ! What things they are ? That nature should be at leasure Euer to make ' hem ! my woing is at an end . Manly goes out with indignation . WIT. What can he do ? EIT. Let 's heare him . TAY. Can he manage ? FIT. Please you to try him , Ladies . Stand forth , Diuell . PVG. Was all this but the preface to my torment ? FIT. Come , let their Ladiships see your honours . EIT. O , Hee makes a wicked leg . TAY. As euer I saw ! WIT. Fit for a Diuell . TAY. Good Madame , call him De-uile . WIT. De-uile , They begin their Catechisme . what property is there most required I' your conceit , now , in the Escudero ? FIT. Why doe you not speake ? PVG. A setled discreet pase , Madame . WIT. I thinke , a barren head , Sir , Mountaine-like , To be expos'd to the cruelty of weathers — FIT. I , for his Valley is beneath the waste , Madame , And to be fruitfull there , it is sufficient . Dulnesse vpon you ! Could not you hit this ? PVG. Good Sir — WIT. He then had had no barren head . He strikes him . You daw him too much , in troth , Sir. FIT. I must walke With the French sticke , like an old vierger for you , The Diuell prayes . PVG. O , Chiefe , call mee to Hell againe , and free mee . FIT. Do you murmur now ? PVG. Not I , Sr. WIT. What do you take M ● . Deuile , the height of your employment , In the true perfect Escudero ? FIT. When ? What doe you answer ? PVG. To be able , Madame , First to enquire , then report the working , Of any Ladies physicke , in sweete phrase , WIT. Yes , that 's an act of elegance , and importance . But what aboue ? FIT. O , that I had a goad for him . PVG. To find out a good Corne-cutter . TAY. Out on him ! EIT. Most barbarous ! FIT. Why did you doe this , now ? Of purpose to discredit me ? you damn'd Diuell . PVG. Sure , if I be not yet , I shall be . All My daies in Hell , were holy-daies to this ! TAY. 'T is labour lost , Madame ? EIT. H 'is a dull fellow Of no capacity ! TAI Of no discourse ! O , if my Ambler had beene here ! EIT. I , Madame ; You talke of a man , where is there such another ? WIT. Mr. Deuile , put case , one of my Ladies , heere , Had a fine brach : and would imploy you forth To treate 'bout a conuenient match for her . What would you obserue ? PVG. The color , and the size , Madame . WIT. And nothing else ? FIT. The Moon , you calfe , the Moone ! WIT. I , and the Signe . TAI . Yes , and receits for pronenesse . WIT. Then when the Puppies came , what would you doe ? PVG. Get their natiuities cast ! WIT. This 's wel . What more ? PVG. Consult the Almanack-man which would be least ? Which cleaneliest ? WIT. And which silentest ? This 's wel , madame ! WIT. And while she were with puppy ? PVG. Walke her out , And ayre her euery morning ! WIT. Very good ! And be industrious to kill her fleas ? PVG. Yes ! WIT. He will make a pretty proficient . PVG. Who , Comming from Hell , could looke for such Catechising ? The Diuell is an Asse . I doe acknowledge it . FIT. Fitz-dottrel admires Wittipol . The top of woman ! All her sexe in abstract ! I loue her , to each syllable , falls from her . TAI . Good madame giue me leaue to goe aside with him ! And try him a little ! WIT. Do , and I 'll with-draw , Madame , The Diuell praies again . VVith this faire Lady : read to her , the while . TAI . Come , Sr. PVG. Deare Chiefe , relieue me , or I perish . WIT. Lady , we 'll follow . You are not iealous Sir ? FIT He giues his wife to him , taking him to be a Lady . O , madame ! you shall see . Stay wife , behold , I giue her vp heere , absolutely , to you , She is your owne . Do with her what you will ! Melt , cast , and forme her as you shall thinke good ! Set any stamp on ! I 'll receiue her from you As a new thing , by your owne standard ! VVIT. Well , Sir ! ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . V. MERE-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTREL . PIT-FAL . EVER-ILL . PLVTARCHVS . BVt what ha' you done i' your Dependance , since ? FIT. O , it goes on , I met your Cousin , the Master — MER. You did not acquaint him , Sr ? FIT. Faith , but I did , Sr. And vpon better thought , not without reason ! He being chiefe Officer , might ha'tane it ill , else , As a Contempt against his Place , and that In time Sir , ha' drawne on another Dependance . No , I did finde him in good termes , and ready To doe me any seruice . MER. So he said , to you ? But Sr , you do not know him . FIT. VVhy , I presum'd Because this bus'nesse of my wiues , requir'd mee , I could not ha' done better : And hee told Me , that he would goe presently to your Councell , A Knight , here , i' the Lane — MER. Yes , Iustice Either-side . FIT : And get the Feoffment drawne , with a letter of Atturney , For liuerie and seisen ! MER. That I knowe's the course . But Sir , you meane not to make him Feoffee ? FIT. Nay , that I 'll pause on ! MER. How now little Pit-fall . PIT . Your Cousin Master Euer-ill , would come in — But he would know if Master Manly were heere . MER. No , tell him , if he were , I ha' made his peace ! Mere-craft whispers against him . Hee 's one , Sir , has no State , and a man knowes not , How such a trust may tempt him . FIT. I conceiue you . EVE . Sr. this same deed is done here . MER. Pretty Plutarchus ? Art thou come with it ? and has Sir Paul view'd it ? PLV. His hand is to the draught . MER. VVill you step in , Sr. And read it ? FIT. Yes . EVE . I pray you a word wi' you . Eueril whispers against Mere-craft . Sir Paul Eitherside will'd mee gi' you caution , VVhom you did make Feoffee : for 't is the trust O' your whole State : and though my Cousin heere Be a worthy Gentleman , yet his valour has At the tall board bin question'd ; and we hold Any man so impeach'd , of doubtfull honesty ! I will not iustifie this ; but giue it you To make your profit of it : if you vtter it , I can forsweare it ! FIT. I beleeue you , and thanke you , Sir. ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . VI. VVITTIPOL . Mistresse FITZ-DOTTREL . MANLY. MERE-CRAFT . BE not afraid , sweet Lady : yo' are trusted To loue , not violence here ; I am no rauisher , But one , whom you , by your faire trust againe , May of a seruant make a most true friend . Mrs . FI. And such a one I need , but not this way : Sir , I confesse me to you , the meere manner Of your attempting mee , this morning tooke mee , And I did hold m'inuention , and my manners , Were both engag'd , to giue it a requitall ; But not vnto your ends : my hope was then , ( Though interrrupted , ere it could be vtter'd ) That whom I found the Master of such language , That braine and spirit , for such an enterprise , Could not , but if those succours were demanded To a right vse , employ them vertuously ! And make that profit of his noble parts , Which they would yeeld . Sr , you haue now the ground , To exercise them in : I am a woman ; That cannot speake more wretchednesse of my selfe , Then you can read ; match'd to a masse of folly ; That euery day makes haste to his owne ruine ; The wealthy portion , that I brought him , spent ▪ And ( through my friends neglect ) no ioynture made me . My fortunes standing in this precipice , T is Counsell that I want , and honest aides : And in this name , I need you , for a friend ! Neuer in any other ; for his ill , Must not make me , Sr , worse . MAN. O friend ! forsake not Manly , conceal'd this while , shews himselfe . The braue occasion , vertue offers you , To keepe you innocent : I haue fear'd for both ; And watch'd you , to preuent the ill I fear'd . But , since the weaker side hath so assur'd mee , Let not the stronger fall by his owne vice , Or be the lesse a friend , cause vertue needs him . WIT. Vertue shall neuer aske my succours twice ; Most friend , most man ; your Counsells are commands : Lady , I can loue goodnes in you , more Then I did Beauty ; and doe here intitle Your vertue , to the power , vpon a life You shall engage in any fruitfull seruice , Euen to forfeit . MER. Madame : Do you heare , Sir , We haue another leg-strain'd , for this Dottrel . Mere-craft takes Wittipol aside , & moues a proiect for himselfe . He ' ha's a quarrell to carry , and ha's caus'd A deed of Feoffment , of his whole estate To be drawne yonder ; h'ha'st within : And you , Onely , he meanes to make Feoffee . H 'is falne So desperatly enamour'd on you , and talkes Most like a mad-man : you did neuer heare A Phre●t●●● so in loue with his owne fauour ! Now , you doe know , 't is of no validity In your name , as you stand ; Therefore aduise him To put in me . ( h 'is come here : ) You shall share Sir. ACT. IV. SCENE . VIJ. VVITTIPOL . Mistresse FITZ-DOTTREL . MANLY. MERE-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTRELL . EVERILL . PLVTARCHVS . FIT. Madame , I haue a suit to you ; and afore-hand , I doe bespeake you ; you must not deny me , I will be graunted . WIT. Sir , I must know it , though . FIT. No Lady ; you must not know it : yet , you must too . For the trust of it , and the fame indeed , Which else were lost me . I would vse your name , But in a Feoffment : make my whole estate Ouer vnto you : a trifle , a thing of nothing , Some eighteene hundred . Wit. Alas ! I vnderstand not Those things Sir. I am a woman , and most loath , To embarque my selfe — FIT. You will not slight me , Madame ? WIT. Nor you 'll not quarrell me ? FIT. No , sweet Madame , I haue Already a dependance ; for which cause I doe this : let me put you in , deare Madame , I may be fairely kill'd . WIT. You haue your friends , Sir , About you here , for choice . EVE . She tells you right , Sir. FIT. Death , if she doe , what do I care for that ? Say , I would haue her tell me wrong . WIT. Why , Sir , If for the trust , you 'll let me haue the honor To name you one . FIT. Nay , you do me the honor , Madame : Who is 't ? WIT. This Gentleman : FIT. O , no , sweet Madame , ●●'is friend to him , with whom I ha' the dependance . WIT. Who might he bee ? FIT. One Wittipol : do you know him ? WIT. Alas Sir , he , a toy : This Gentleman A friend to him ? no more then I am Sir ! FIT. But will your Ladyship vndertake that , Madame ? WIT. Yes , and what else , for him , you will engage me . FIT. What is his name ? VVIT. His name is Eustace Manly . FIT. VVhence do's he write himselfe ? VVIT. of Middle-sex , Esquire . FIT. Say nothing , Madame . Clerke , come hether VVrite Eustace Manly , Squire o' Middle-sex . MER. What ha' you done , Sir ? VVIT. Nam'd a gentleman , That I 'll be answerable for , to you , Sir. Had I nam'd you , it might ha' beene suspected : This way , 't is safe . FIT. Come Gentlemen , your hands , For witnes . MAN. VVhat is this ? EVE . You ha' made Election Of a most worthy Gentleman ! MAN. VVould one of worth Had spoke it : whence it comes , it is Rather a shame to me , then a praise . EVE . Sir , I will giue you any Satisfaction . MAN. Be silent then : " falshood commends not truth . PLV. You do deliuer this , Sir , as your deed . To th' vse of Mr. Manly ? FIT. Yes : and Sir — VVhen did you see yong Wittipol ? I am ready , For processe now ; Sir , this is Publication . He shall heare from me , he would needes be courting My wife , Sir. MAN. Yes : So witnesseth his Cloake there . FIT. Nay good Sir , — Madame , you did vndertake — VVIT. VVhat ? FIT. That he was not Wittipols friend . VVIT. I heare Sr. no confession of it . FIT. O she know's not ; Now I remember , Madame ! This young Wittipol , VVould ha' debauch'd my wife , and made me Cuckold , Through a casement ; he did fly her home To mine owne window : but I think I sou't him , And raui●h'd her away , out of his pownces . I ha' sworne to ha 'him by the eares : I feare The toy , wi' not do me right . VVIT. No ? that were pitty ! VVhat right doe you aske , Sir ? Here he is will do 't you ? FIT. Wittipol discouers himselfe . Ha ? Wittipol ? VVIT. I Sir , no more Lady now , Not Spaniard ! MAN. No indeed , 't is Wittipol . FIT. Am I the thing I fear'd ? VVIT. A Cuckold ? No Sir , But you were late in possibility , I 'll tell you so much . MAN. But your wife 's too vertuous ! VVIT. VVee 'll see her Sir , at home , and leaue you here , To be made Duke o' Shore-ditch with a proiect . FIT. Theeues , rauishers . VVIT. Crie but another note , Sir , I 'll marre the tune , o' your pipe ! FIT. Gi'me my deed , then . VVIT. Neither : that shall be kept for your wiues good , VVho will know , better how to vse it . FIT. Ha' To feast you with my land ? VVIT. Sir , be you quiet , Or I shall gag you , ere I goe , consult Your Master of dependances ; how to make this A second businesse , you haue time Sir. FIT· Oh! VVhat will the ghost of my wise Grandfather , VVitipol bafflees him , and goes out My learned Father , with my worshipfull Mother , Thinke of me now , that left me in this world In state to be their Heire ? that am become A Cuckold , and an Asse , and my wiues Ward ; Likely to loose my land ; ha' my throat cut : All , by her practice ! MER. Sir , we are all abus'd ! FIT. And be so still ! VVho hinders you , I pray you , Let me alone , I would enioy my selfe , And be the Duke o' Drown'd Land , you ha' made me . MER. Sir , we must play an after-game o' this FIT. But I am not in case to be a Gam-ster : I tell you once againe — MER You must be rul'd And take some counsell . FIT. Sir , I do hate counsell , As I do hate my wife , my wicked wife ! MER. But we may thinke how to recouer all : If you will act . FIT. I will not think ; nor act ; Nor yet recouer ; do not talke to me ? I 'll runne out o' my witts , rather then heare ; I will be what I am , Fabian Fitz-Dottrel , Though all the world say nay to 't . MER. Let 's follow him . ACT. V. SCENE . I. AMBLER . PITFALL . MERE-CRAFT . BVt ha's my Lady mist me ? PIT . Beyond telling ! Here ha's been that infinity of strangers ! And then she would ha' had you , to ha' sampled you VVith one within , that they are now a teaching ; And do's pretend to your ranck . AMB. Good fellow Pit-fall , Tel Mr. Mere-craft , I intreat a word with him . Pitfall goes out . This most vnlucky accident will goe neare To be the losse o' my place ; I am in doubt ! MER. VVith me ? what say you Mr Ambler ? AMB. Sir , I would beseech your worship stand betweene Me , and my Ladies displeasure , for my absence . MER. O , is that all ? I warrant you . AMB. I would tell you Sir But how it happened . MER. Briefe , good Master Ambler , Put your selfe to your rack : for I haue tasque Of more importance . AMB. Sir you 'll laugh at me ! But ( so is Truth ) a very friend of mine , Finding by conference with me , that I liu'd Too chast for my complexion ( and indeed Too honest for my place , Sir ) did aduise me If I did loue my selfe ( as that I do , I must confesse ) MER. Spare your Parenthesis . AMB. To gi' my body a little euacuation — MER. Well , and you went to a whore ? AMB. No , Sr. I durst not ( For feare it might arriue at some body's eare , It should not ) trust my selfe to a common house ; Ambler tels this with extraordinary speed . But got the Gentlewoman to goe with me , And carry her bedding to a Conduit-head , Hard by the place toward Tyborne , which they call My L. Majors Banqueting-house . Now Sir , This morning Was Execution ; and I ner'e dream't on 't , Till I heard the noise o' the people , and the horses ; And neither I ▪ nor the poore Gentlewoman Durst stirre , till all was done and past : so that I' the Interim , we fell a sleepe againe . He stags MER. Nay , if you fall , from your gallop , I am gone Sr. AMB. But , when I wak'd , to put on my cloathes , a sute , I made new for the action , it was gone , And all my money , with my purse , my seales , My hard-wax , and my table-bookes , my studies , And a fine new deuise , I had to carry My pen , and inke , my ciuet , and my tooth-picks , All vnder one . But , that which greiu'd me , was The Gentlewomans shoes ( with a paire of roses , And garters , I had giuen her for the businesse ) So as that made vs stay , till it was darke . For I was faine to lend her mine , and walke In a rug , by her , barefoote , to Saint Giles'es . MER. A kind of Irish penance ! Is this all , Sir ? AMB. To satisfie my Lady . MER. I will promise you , Sr. AMB. I ha' told the true Disaster . MER. I cannot stay wi' you Sir , to condole ; but gratulate your returne . AMB. An honest gentleman , but he 's neuer at leisure To be himselfe : He ha's such tides of businesse . ACT. V. SCENE . II. PVG. AMBLER . O , Call me home againe , deare Chiefe , and put me To yoaking foxes , milking of Hee-goates , Pounding of water in a morter , lauing The sea dry with a nut-shell , gathering all The leaues are falne this Autumne , drawing farts Out of dead bodies , making ropes of sand , Catching the windes together in a net , Mustring of ants , and numbring atomes ; all That hell , and you thought exquisite torments , rather Then stay me here , a thought more : I would sooner Keepe fleas within a circle , and be accomptant A thousand yeere , which of 'hem and how far Out leap'd the other , then endure a minute Such as I haue within . There is no hell To a Lady of fashion . All your tortures there Ambler comes in , & suruayes him Are pastimes to it . 'T would be a refreshing For me , to be i' the sire againe , from hence . AMB. This is my suite , and those the shoes and roses ! PVG. Th' haue such impertinent vexations , A generall Councell o' diuels could not hit — Pug perceiues it , and starts . Ha! This is hee , I tooke a sleepe with his Wench , And borrow'd his cloathes . What might I doe to balke him ? AMB. Do you heare , Sr ? PVG. Answ. him but not to th' purpose AMB. What is your name , I pray you Sir. PVG. Is 't so late Sir ? AMB. I aske not o' the time , but of your name , Sir , PVG. I thanke you , Sir. Yes it dos hold Sir , certaine . AMB. Hold , Sir ? What holds ? I must both hold , and talke to you About these clothes . PVG. A very pretty lace ! But the Taylor cossend me . AMB. No , I am cossend By you ! robb'd . PVG· Why , when you please Sir , I am For three peny Gleeke , your man AMB. Pox o' your gleeke , And three pence . Giue me an answere . PVG. Sir , My master is the best at it . AMB. Your master ! Who is your Master . PVG. Let it be friday night . AMB. What should be then ? PVG. Your best songs Thom. o' Bet'lem AMB. I thinke , you are he . Do's he mocke me trow , from purpose ? Or do ●ot I speake to him , what I meane ? Good Sir your name . PVG. Only a couple a' Cocks Sir , If we can get a Widgin , 't is in season . AMB. He hopes to make on o' these Scipticks o' me ( I thinke I name 'hem right ) and do's not fly me . I wonder at that ! 't is a strange confidence ! I 'll prooue another way , to draw his answer . ACT. V. SCENE . IIJ. MERE-CRAFT . FITZ-DOTTREL ▪ EVERILL . PVG. It is the easiest thing Sir , to be done . As plaine , as fizzling : roule but wi' your eyes , And foame at th' mouth . A little castle-soape Will do 't , to rub your lips : And then a nutshell , With toe , and touch-wood in it to spit fire , Did you ner'e read , Sir , little Darrels tricks , With the boy o' Burton , and the 7. in Lancashire , Sommers at Nottingham ? All these do teach it . And wee 'll giue out , Sir , that your wife ha's bewitch'd you : EVE . And practised with those two , as Sorcerers . MER. And ga' you potions , by which meanes you were Not Compos mentis , when you made your feoffment . There 's no recouery o' your state , but this : This , Sir , will sting . EVE . And moue in a Court of equity . MER. For , it is more then manifest , that this was A plot o' your wiues , to get your land . FIT. I thinke it . EVE . Sir it appeares . MER. Nay , and my cossen has knowne These gallants in these shapes . EVE . T' haue don strange things , Sir ▪ One as the Lady , the other as the Squire . MER. How , a mans honesty may be fool'd ! I thought him A very Lady . FIT. So did I : renounce me else . MER. But this way , Sir , you 'll be reueng'd at height . EVE . Vpon 'hem all . MER. Yes faith , and since your Wife Has runne the way of woman thus , e'en giue her — FIT. Lost by this hand , to me ; dead to all ioyes Of her deare Dottrell , I shall neuer pitty her : That could , pitty her selfe . MER. Princely resolu'd Sir , And like your selfe still , in Potentià . ACT. V. SCENE . IV. MERE-CRAFT , &c. to them . GVILT-HEAD . SLEDGE-PLVTARCHVS . SERIEANTS . GVilt-head what newes . ? FIT. O Sir , my hundred peices : Let me ha' them yet . GVI. Yes Sir , officers Arrest him . FIT. Me ? SER. I arrest you . SLE. Keepe the peace , I charge you gentlemen . FIT. Arrest me ? Why ? GVI. For better security , Sir. My sonne Plutarchus Assures me , y' are not worth a groat . PLV. Pardon me , Father , I said his worship had no foote of Land left : And that I 'll iustifie , for I writ the deed . FIT. Ha' you these tricks i' the citty ? GVI. Yes , and more . Arrest this gallant too , here , at my suite . SLE. I , and at mine . He owes me for his lodging Two yeere and a quarter . MER. Why M. Guilt-head , Land-Lord , Thou art not mad , though th' art Constable Puft vp with th'pride of the place ? Do you heare , Sirs . Haue I deseru'd this from you two ? for all My paines at Court , to get you each a patent GVI. For what ? MER. Vpo ' my proiect o' the forkes , SLE. Forkes ? what be they ? MER. The laudable vse of forkes , Brought into custome here , as they are in Italy , To th' sparing o' Napkins . That , that should haue made Your bellowes goe at the forge , as his at the fornace . I ha' procur'd it , ha' the Signet for it , Dealt with the Linnen-drapers , on my priuate , By cause , I fear'd , they were the likelyest euer To stirre against , to crosse it : for 't will be A mighty sauer of Linnen through the kingdome ( As that is one o' my grounds , and to spare washing ) Now , on you two , had I layd all the profits . Guilt-h●ad to haue the making of all those O● go●d and siluer , for the better personages ; And you , of those of Steele for the common sort . And both by Pattent , I had brought you your seales in . But now you haue preuented me , and I thanke you . SLE. Sir , I will bayle you , at mine owne ap-perill . MER. Nay choose . PLV. Do you so too , good Father . CVI. I like the fashion o' the proiect , well , The forkes ! It may be a lucky one ! and is not Intricate , as one would say , but fit for Plaine heads , as ours , to deale in . Do you heare Officers , we discharge you . MER. Why this shewes A little good nature in you , I confesse , But do not tempt your friends thus . Little Guilt-head , Aduise your sire , great Guilt-head from these courses : And , here , to trouble a great man in reuersion , For a matter o' fifty on a false Alarme , Away , it shewes not well . Let him get the pieces And bring ' hem . Yo 'll heare more else . PLV. Father . ACT. V. SCENE . V. AMBLER . To them . O Master Sledge , are you here ? I ha' been to seeke you . You are the Constable , they say . Here 's one That I do charge with Felony , for the suite He weares , Sir. MER. Who ? M. Fitz-Dottrels man ? Ware what you do , M. Ambler . AMB. Sir , these clothes I 'll sweare , are mine : and the shooes the gentlewomans I told you of : and ha' him afore a Iustice , I will. PVG. My master , Sir , will passe his word for me . AMB. O , can you speake to purpose now ? FIT. Not I , If you be such a one Sir , I will leaue you To your God fathers in Law. Let twelue men worke . PVG Do you heare Sir , pray , in priuate . FIT. well , what say you ? Briefe , for I haue no time to loose ▪ PVG. Truth is , Sir , I am the very Diuell , and had leaue To take this body , I am in , to serue you : Which was a Cutpurses , and hang'd this Morning ▪ And it is likewise true , I stole this suite To cl●th me with . Bu● Sir let me not goe To prison for it . I haue hitherto Lost time , done nothing ; showne , indeed , no part ▪ O' my Diuels nature . Now , I will so helpe Your malice , 'gainst these parties : so aduance The businesse , that you haue in hand of witchcraft , An● your possession , as my selfe were in you . Teach you ●uch tricks , to make your belly swell , And your eyes turne , to foame , to stare , to gnash Your teeth together , and to beate your selfe , Laugh loud , and faine six voices — FIT. Out you Rogue ! You most infernall counterfeit wretch ! Auaunt ! Do you thinke to gull me with your ▪ Aesops Fables ? Here take him to you , I ha' no part in him . PVG. Sir. FIT. Away , I do disclaime , I will not heare you . MER. What said he to you , Sir ? FIT. Like a lying raskall And sends him away . Told me he was the Diuel . MER. How ! a good iest ! FIT. And that he would teach me , such fine diuels tricks For our new resolution . EVE . O' pox on him , 'T was excellent wisely done , Sir , not to trust him ▪ MER Why , if he were the Diuel , we sha' not need him , If you 'll be rul'd . Goe throw your selfe on a bed , Sir , And faine you ill . Wee 'll not be seene wi' you , Till after , that you haue a fit : and all Confirm'd within . Keepe you with the two Ladies And perswade them . I 'll to Iustice Either-side , And possesse him with all . Traines shall seeke out Ingine , And they two fill the towne with 't , euery cable Is to be veer'd . We must employ out all Our emissaries now ; Sir , I will send you Bladders and Bellowes . Sir , be confident , 'T is no hard thing t' out doe the Deuill in : A Boy o' thirteene yeere old made him an Asse But ●'toher day . FIT. Well , I 'll beginne to practice , And scape the imputation of being Cuckold , By mine owne act . MER. yo' are right . EVE . Come , you ha' put Your selfe to a simple coyle here , and your freinds , By dealing with new Agents , in new plots . MER. No more o' that , sweet cousin . EVE . What had you To doe with this same Wittipol , for a Lady ? MER. Question not tha● : 't is done . EVE . You had some straine ' Boue E la ? MER. I had indeed . EVE . And , now , you crack for 't . MER. Do not vpbraid me . EVE . Come , you must be told on 't ; You are so couetous , still , to embrace More then you can , that you loose all . MER. 'T is right . What would you more , then Guilty ? Now , your succours . ACT. V. SCENE . VJ. SHAKLES . PVG INIQVITY . DIVEL . HEre you are lodg'd , Sir , you must send your garnish , Pug is brought to New-gate . If you 'll be priuat . PVG. There it is , Sir , leaue me . To New-gate , brought ? How is the name of Deuill Discredited in me ! What a lost fiend Shall I be , on returne ? My Cheife will roare ●n triumph , now , that I haue beene on earth , A day , and done no noted thing , but brought That body back here , was hang'd out this morning . Enter Iniquity the Vice. Well! would it once were midnight , that I knew My vtmost . I thinke Time be drunke , and sleepes ; He is so still , and moues not ! I doe glory Now i' my torment . Neither can I expect it , I haue it with my fact . INI. Child of hell , be thou merry : Put a looke on , as round , boy , and red as a cherry . Cast care at thy posternes ; and firke i' thy fetters , They are ornaments , Baby , haue graced thy betters : Looke vpon me , and hearken . Our Cheife doth salute thee , And least the coldyron should chance to confute thee , H' hath sent thee , grant-paroll by me to stay longer A moneth here on earth , against cold Child , or honger PVG. How ? longer here a moneth ? ING . Yes , boy , till the Session , That so thou mayest haue a triumphall egression . PVG. In a cart , to be hang'd . ING . No , Child , in a Carre , The charriot of Triumph , which most of them are . And in the meane time , to be greazy , and bouzy , And nasty , and filthy , and ragged and louzy , With dam'n me , renounce me , and all the fine phrases ; That bring , vnto Tiborne , the plentifull gazes . PVG. He is a Diuell ! and may be our Cheife ! The great Superiour Diuell ! for his malice : Arch-diuel ! I acknowledge him . He knew What I would suffer , when he tie'd me vp thus In a rogues body : and he has ( I thanke him ) His tyrannous pleasure on me , to confine me To the vnlucky carkasse of a Cutpurse , Wherein I could do nothing . DIV. Impudent fiend , Stop thy lewd mouth . The great Deuill enters , and vpbraids him with all his dayes worke . Doest thou not shame and tremble To lay thine owne dull damn'd defects vpon An innocent case , there ? Why thou heauy slaue ! The spirit , that did possesse that fresh before Put more true life , in a finger , and a thumbe , Then thou in the whole Masse . Yet thou rebell'st And murmur'st ? What one profer hast thou made , Wicked inough , this day , that might be call'd Worthy thine owne , much lesse the name that sent thee ? First , thou did'st helpe thy selfe into a beating Promptly , and with t endangered'st too thy tongue : A Diuell , and could not keepe a body intire One day ! That , for our credit . And to vindicate it , Hinderd'st ( for ought thou know'st ) a deed of darknesse : Which was an act of that egregious folly , As no one , to'ard the Diuel , could ha' thought on . This for your acting ! but for suffering ! why Thou hast beene cheated on , with a false beard , And a turn'd cloake . Faith , would your predecessour The Cutpurse , thinke you , ha' been so ? Out vpon thee , The hurt th' hast don , to let men know their strength , And that the' are able to out-doe a diuel Put in a body , will for euer be A scarre vpon our Name ! whom hast thou dealt with , Woman or man , this day , but haue out-gone thee Some way , and most haue prou'd the better fiendes ? Yet , you would be imploy'd ? Yes , hell shall make you Prouinciall o' the heaters ! or Bawd-ledger , For this side o' the towne ! No doubt you 'll render A rare accompt of things . Bane o' your itch , And scratching for imployment . I 'll ha' brimstone To al lay it sure , and fire to sindge your nayles off , But , that I would not such a damn'd dishonor Sticke on our state , as that the diuell were hang'd ; And could not saue a body , that he tooke From Tyborne , but it must come thither againe : Iniquity takes him on his back . You should e'en ride . But , vp away with him — INI. Mount , dearling of darkenesse , my shoulders are broad : He that caries the fiend , is sure of his loade . The Diuell was wont to carry away the euill ; But , now , the Euill out-carries the Diuell . ACT. V. SCENE . VIJ. SHACKLES . KEEPERS . O mee ! 1. KEE . What 's this ? 2. A piece of Iustice Hall Is broken downe . A great noise is heard in Newgate , and the Keepers come out affrighted . 3. Fough ! what 〈…〉 of brimstone Is here ? 4. The prisoner 's dead , came in but now ▪ SHA Ha ? where ? 4. Look here . KEE . S'lid , I shuld know his countenance ! It is Gill-Cut-purse , was hang'd out , this morning ! SHA. 'T is he ! 2. The Diuell , sure , has a hand in this ! 3. What shall wee doe ? SHA. Carry the newes of it Vnto the Sherifes . 1. And to the Iustices . 4. This strange ! 3. And sauours of the Diuell , strongly ! 2. I' ha' the sulphure of Hell-coale i' my nose . 1. Fough . SHA. Carry him in . 1. Away . 2. How ranke it is ! ACT. V. SCENE . VIII . Sir POVLE . MERE-CRAFT . EVER-ILL . TRAINES . PITFALL . FITZ-DOTTREL . them VVITTIPOL-MANLY . Mistresse FITZ-DOTTREL . INGINE. them GVILT-HEAD . SLEDGE . them SHACKLES . THis was the notablest Conspiracy , The Iustice comes out wondring , and the rest informing him . That ere I heard of . MER. Sir , They had giu'n him potions , That did enamour him on the counterfeit Lady — EVE . Iust to the time o'deliuery o' the deed — MER. And then the witchcraft ' gan't ' appeare , for streight He fell into his fit . EVE . Of rage at first , Sir , Which since has so increased . TAY. Good Sr. Poule , see him , And punish the impostors . POV. Therefore I come , Madame . EIT. Let Mr Etherside alone , Madame . POV. Do you heare ? Call in the Constable , I will haue him by : H 'is the Kings Officer ! and some Cittizens , Of credit ! I 'll discharge my conscience clearly . MER. Yes , Sir , and send for his wife . EVE . And the two Sorcerers , By any meanes ! TAY. I thought one a true Lady , I should be sworne . So did you , Eyther-si●● ? EIT. Yes , by that light , would I might ●e'r stir else , Tailbush . TAY. And the other a ciuill Gentleman . EVE . But ▪ Madame , You know what I told your Ladyship . TAY. I now see it : I was prouiding of a banquet for ' hem . After I had done instructing o' the fellow De●uile , the Gentlemans man MER. Who 's found a thiefe , Madam . And to haue rob'd your Vsher , Master Ambler , This morning . TAY. How ? MER. I'●l tell you more , anon . He beginnes his fit . FIT. Gi me some garlicke , garlicke , garlicke , garlicke . MER. Harke the poore Gentleman , how he is tormented ! FIT. My wife is a whore , I 'll kisse her no more : and why ? Ma'st not thou be a Cuckold , as well as I ? Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , &c. POV. That is the Diuell speakes , and laughes in him . MER. Do you thinke so , Sr. POV. I discharge my conscience . FIT. And is not the Diuell good company ? Yes , wis . EVE . How he changes , Sir , his voyce ! FIT. And a Cuckold is Where ere hee put his head , with a a Wa●ion , If his hornes be forth , the Diuells companion ! Looke , looke , looke , else . MER. How he foames ! EVE . And swells ! TAY. O , me ! what 's that there , rises in his belly ! EIT. A strange thing ! hold it downe : TRA. PIT . We cannot , Madam . POV. 'T is too apparent this ! FIT. Wittipol , Wittipol . WIT. How now , what play ha' we here . MAN. What fine , new matters ? Wittipol , and Manly ▪ and Mistr. Fitz-dottrel enter . WIT. The Cockscomb , and the Couerlet . MER. O strang impudēce ! That these should come to face their sinne ! EVE : And out-face Iustice , they are the parties , Sir. POV. Say nothing . MER. Did you marke , Sir , vpon their comming in , How he call'd Wittipol . EVE . And neuer saw ' hem . POV. I warrant you did I , let 'hem play a while . FIT. Buz , buz , buz , buz . TAY. Lasse poore Gentleman ! How he is tortur'd ! Mrs . FI. Fie , Master Fitz-dottrel ! What doe you meane to counterfait thus ? FIT : O , ô , His wife goes to him . Shee comes with a needle , and thrusts it in , Shee pulls out that , and shee puts in a pinne , And now , and now , I doe not know how , nor where , But shee pricks mee heere , and shee pricks me there : ôh , ôh : POV. Woman forbeare . WIT. What , Sr ? POV. A practice soule For one so faire : WIT. Hath this , then , credit with you ? MAN. Do you beleeue in 't ? POV. Gentlemen , I 'll discharge My conscience : 'T is a cleare conspiracy ! A darke , and diuellish practice ! I detest it ! WIT. The Iustice sure will proue to be the merrier ! MAN. This is most strange , Sir. POV. Come not to confront Authority with insolence : I tell you , I doe detest it . Here comes the Kings Constable , And with him a right worshipfull Commoner ; My good friend , Master Guilt-head ! I am glad I can before such witnesses , professe My conscience , and my detestation of it . Horible ! most vnaturall ! Abominable ! EVE . They whisper him . You doe not tumble enough . MER. Wallow , gnash : TAY. O , how he is vexed ! POV. 'T is too manifest . EVE . Giue him more soap to foame with , now lie still . MER. And giue soape to act with . And act a little . TAY. What do's he now , Sr. POV. Shew The taking of Tabacco , with which the Diuell Is so delighted . FIT. Hum ! POV. And calls for Hum. You takers of strong Waters , and Tabacco , Marke this . FIT. Yellow , yellow , yellow , yellow , &c. POV. That 's Starch ! the Diuells Idoll of that colour . He ratifies it , clapping of his hands . The proofes are pregnant . GVI. How the Diuel can act ! POV. He is the Master of Players ! Master Guilt-head , And Poets , too ! you heard him talke in rime ! I had forgot to obserue it to you , ere while ! TAY. Sir Poule inter●rets Fig●●m a ●●●lers game . See , he spits fire . POV. O no , he plaies at Figgum , The Diuell is the Author of wicked Figgum — MAN. Why speake you not vnto him ? WIT. If I had All innocence of man to be indanger'd , And he could saue , or ruine it : I 'ld not breath A syllable in request , to such a fellow , I 'd rather fall . FIT. ô they whisper , they whisper , whisper . &c. Wee shall haue more , of Diuells a score , To come to dinner , in mee the sinner . EYT. Alas , poore Gentleman ! POV. Put 'hem asunder . Keepe 'hem one from the other . MAN. Are you phrenticke , Sir , Or what graue dotage moues you , to take part VVith so much villany ? wee are not afraid Either of law , or triall ; let vs be Examin'd what our ends were , what the meanes , To worke by ; and possibility of those meanes . Doe not conclude against vs , ere you heare vs. POV. I will not heare you , yet I will conclude Out of the circumstances . MAN. VVill you so , Sir ? POV. Yes , they are palpable : MAN. Not as your folly : POV : I will discharge my conscience , and doe all To the Meridian of Iustice : GVI. You doe well , Sir : F●T . Prouide mee to eat , three or foure dishes o'good meat , I 'll feast them , and their traines , a Iustice head and braines Shall be the first . POV. The Diuell loues not Iustice , There you may see . FIT. A spare-rib o' my wife , And a whores purt'nance ! a Guilt-head whole . POV. Be not you troubled , Sir , the Diuell speakes it . FIT. Yes , wis , Knight , shite , Poule , Ioule , owle , foule , troule , boule . POV. Crambe , another of the Diuell 's games ! MER. Speake , Sir , some Greeke , if you can . Is not the Iustice A solemne gamester ? EVE . Peace . FIT. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . POV. Hee curses In Greeke I thinke . EVE . Your Spanish , that I taught you . FIT. Quebrémos el ojo de burlas , EVE . How ? your rest — Let 's breake his necke in iest , the Diuell saies , FIT. Di grátia , Signòr miose haú●te denári fataméne parte . MER. What , would the Diuell borrow money ? FIT. Ouy , Ouy Monsieur , ùn pàuure Diable ! Diablet in ! POV. It is the diuell , by his seuerall languages . SHA. Where 's St. Poule Ether-side ? POV. Here , what 's the matter ? Enter the Keeper of New-gate . SHA. O! such an accident falne out at Newgate , Sir : A great piece of the prison is ●ent downe ! The Diuell has beene there , Sir , in the body — Of the young Cut-purse , was hang'd out this morning , But , in new clothes , Sir , euery one of vs know him . These things were found in his pocket . AMB. Those are mine , Sr. SHA. I thinke he was commited on your charge , Sir. For a new felony AMB ▪ Yes . SHA. Hee 's gone , Sir , now , And left vs the dead body . But withall , Sir , Such an infernall stincke , and steame behinde , You cannot see St. Pulchars Steeple , yet . They smell 't as farre as Ware , as the wind lies , By this time , sure . FIT. Is this vpon your credit , friend ? SHA. Sir , you may see , and satisfie your selfe . FIT. Nay , then , 't is time to leaue off counterfeiting . Sir I am not bewitch'd , nor haue a Diuell : No more then you . I doe defie him , I , And did abuse you . These two Gentlemen Put me vpon it . ( I haue faith against him ) They taught me all my tricks . I will tell truth , And shame the Feind . See , here , Sir , are my bellowes , And my false belly , and my Mouse , and all That should ha' come forth ? MAN. Sir , are not you asham'd Now of your solemne , serious vanity ? POV. I will make honorable amends to truth . FIT. And so will I. But these are Coozeners , still ; And ha' my land , as plotters , with my wife : Who , though she be not a witch , is worse , a whore . MAN. Sir , you belie her . She is chaste , and vertuous , And we are honest . I doe know no glory A man should hope , by venting his owne follyes , But you 'll still be an Asse , in spight of prouidence . Please you goe in , Sir , and heare truths , then iudge 'hem : And make amends for your late rashnesse ; when , You shall but heare the paines and care was taken , To saue this foole from ruine ( his Grace of Drown'd land ) FIT. My land is drown'd indeed — POV. Peace . MAN. And how much His modest , and too worthy wife hath suffer'd By mis-construction , from him , you will blush , First , for your owne beliefe , more for his actions ! His land is his : and neuer , by my friend , Or by my selfe , meant to another vse , But for her succours , who hath equall right . If any other had worse counsells in 't , ( I know I speake to those can apprehend mee ) Let 'hem repent 'hem , and be not detected . It is not manly to take ioy , or pride In humane errours ( wee doe all ill things , They doe 'hem worst that loue 'hem , and dwell there , Till the plague comes ) The few that haue the seeds Of goodnesse left , will sooner make their way To a true life , by shame , then punishment . The End. The Epilogue . THus , the Proiecter , here , is ouer-throwne . But I haue now a Proiect of mine owne , If it may passe : that no man would inuite The Poet from vs , to sup forth to night , If the play please . If it displeasant be , We doe presume , that no man will : nor wee . THE STAPLE OF NEVVES . A COMEDIE ACTED IN THE YEARE , 1625. BY HIS MAIESTIES SERVANTS . The Author BEN : IONSON . HOR. in ART . POET. Aut prodesse volunt , aut delectare poetae : Aut simul & iucunda , & idonea dicere vitae LONDON , Printed by I. B. for ROBERT ALLOT , and are to be sold at the signe of the Beare , in Pauls Church-yard . 1631. THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY . PENI-BOY . the Sonne , the heire and Suiter . PENI-BOY . the Father . the Canter . PENI-BOY . the Vncle. The Vsurer . CYMBAL . Master of the Staple , and prime Ieerer . FITTON . Emissary Court , and Ieerer . ALMANACH Doctor in Physick , and Ieerer . SHVN-FIELD . Sea-captaine , and Ieerer . MADRIGAL . Poetaster , and Ieerer . PICKLOCK . Man o' law , and Emissary Westminster . PYED-MANTLE . Pursiuant at armes , and Heraldet . REGISTER . Of the Staple , or Office. NATHANEEL . First Clerke of the Office. THO : BARBR . Second Clerke of the Office. PECVNIA . Infanta of the Mynes . MORTGAGE . Her Nurse . STATVTE . First Woman . BAND . Second Woman . VVAXE . Chambermaid . BROKER . Secretary , and Gentleman vsher to her Grace . LICK-FINGER . A Master Cooke , and parcell Poet. FASHIONER . The Taylor of the times . LINENER . HABERDASHER . SHOOMAKER . SPVRRIER . CVSTOMERS . Male and Female . PORTER . DOGGES . II. The SCENE . London . THE INDVCTION . The PROLOGVE enters . After him , Gossip MIRTH. Gos. TATLE. Gos. EXPECTATION . and Gossip CENSVRE . 4. Gentlewomen LADY-like attyred . PROLOGVE . FOr your owne sake , not ours — MIRTH. Come Gossip , be not asham'd . The Play is the Staple of Newes , and you are the Mistresse , and Lady of Tatle , let 's ha' your opinion of it : Do you heare Gentleman ? what are you ? Gentleman-vsher to the Play ? pray you helpe vs to some stooles here . PROLOGVE . Where ? o' the Stage , Ladies ? MIRTH. Yes , o' the Stage ; wee are persons of quality , I assure you , and women of fashion ; and come to see , and to be seene : My Gossip Tatle here , and Gossip Expectation , and my Gossip Censure , and I am Mirth , the daughter of Christmas , and spirit of Shrouetide . They say , It 's merry when Gossips meet , I hope your Play will be a merry one ! PROLOGVE Or you will make it such , Ladies . Bring a forme here , but what will the Noblemen thinke , or the graue Wits here , to see you seated on the bench thus ? MIRTH. Why , what should they thinke ? but that they had Mothers , as we had , and those Mothers had Gossips ( if their children were christned ) as we are , and such as had a longing to see Playes , and sit vpon them , as wee doe , and arraigne both them , and their Poëts . PROLOGVE . O! Is that your purpose ? Why , Mrs . Mirth , and Madame Tatle , enioy your delights freely . TATLE. Looke your Newes be new , and fresh , Mr. Prologue , and vntainted , I shall find them else , if they be stale , or flye-blowne , quickly ! PROLOGVE . Wee aske no fauour from you , onely wee would entreate of Madame Expectation — EXPECTATION . What , Mr. Prologue ? PROLOGVE . That your Ladi-ship would expect no more then you vnderstand . EXPECTATION . Sir , I can expect enough ! PROLOGVE . I feare too much , Lady , and teach others to do the like ? EXPECTATION . I can doe that too , if I haue cause . PROLOGVE . Cry you mercy , you neuer did wrong , but with iust cause . What 's this , Lady ? MIRTH. Curiosity , my Lady Censure . PROLOGVE . O Curiosity ! you come to see , who weares the new sute to day ? whose clothes are best penn'd , what euer the part be ? which Actor has the best legge and foote ? what King playes without cuffes ? and his Queene without gloues ? who rides post in stockings ? and daunces in bootes ? CENSVRE . Yes , and which amorous Prince makes loue in drinke , or doe's ouer-act prodigiously in beaten satten , and , hauing got the tricke on 't , will be monstrous still , in despight of Counsell ! BOOK-HOLDER . The Tire-men enter to mend the lights . Mend your lights , Gentlemen . Master Prologue , beginne . TATLE. Ay me ! EXPECTATION , Who 's that ? PROLOGVE . Nay , start not Ladies , these carry no fire-workes to fright you , but a Torch i' their hands , to giue light to the businesse . The truth is , there are a set of gamesters within , in tra●●ll of a thing call'd a Play , and would faine be deliuer●d of it : and they haue intreated me to be their Man - Midwife , the Prologue ; for they are like to haue a hard labour on 't . TATLE. Then the Poet has abus'd himselfe , like an Asse , as hee is . MIRTH. No , his Actors will abuse him enough , or I am deceiu'd . Yonder he is within ( I was i' the Tiring-house a while to see the Actors drest ) rowling himselfe vp and downe like a tun , i' the midst of 'hem , and spurges , neuer did vessel of wort , or wine worke so ! His sweating put me in minde of a good Shrouing dish ( and I beleeue would be taken vp for a seruice of state somewhere , an 't were knowne ) a stew'd Poet ▪ He doth sit like an vnbrac'd Drum with one of his heads beaten out : For , that you must note , a Poet hath two heads , as a Drum has , one for making , the other repeating , and his repeating head is all to pieces : they may gather it vp i' the tiring-house ; for hee hath torne the booke in a Poeticall fury , and put himselfe to silence in dead Sacke , which , were there no other vexation , were sufficient to make him the most miserable Embleme of patience . CENSVRE . The Prologue , peace . THE PROLOGVE FOR THE STAGE . FOr your owne sakes , not his , he bad me say , Would you were come to heare , not see a Play. Though we his Actors must prouide for those , Who are our guests , here , in the way of showes , The maker hath not so ; he 'ld haue you wise , Much ●ather by your eares , then by your eyes : And prayes you 'll not preiudge his Play for ill , Because you marke it not , and sit not still ; But haue a longing to salute , or talke With such a female , and from her to walke With your discourse , to what is done , and where , How , and by whom , in all the towne ; but here . Alas ! what is it to his Scene , to know How many Coaches in Hide-parke did show Last spring , what fare to day at Medleyes was , If Dunstan , or the Phoenix best wine has ? They are things — But yet , the Stage might stand as wel , If it did neither heare these things , nor tell . Great noble wits , be good vnto your selues , And make a difference 'twixt Poetique elues , And Poets : All that dable in the inke , And defile quills , are not those few , can thinke , Conceiue , expresse , and steere the soules of men , As with a rudder , round thus , with their pen. He must be one that can instruct your youth , And keepe your Acme in the state of truth , Must enterprize this worke , marke but his wayes , What flight he makes , how new ; And then he sayes , If that not like you , that he sends to night , 'T is you haue left to iudge , not hee to write ▪ THE PROLOGVE FOR THE COVRT . A Worke not smelling of the Lampe , to night , But fitted for your Maiesties disport , And writ to the Meridian of your Court , VVee bring ; and hope it may produce delight : The rather , being offered , as a Rite To Schollers , that can iudge , and faire report The sense they heare , aboue the vulgar sort Of Nut-crackers , that onely come for sight . Wherein , although our Title , Sir , be Newes . Wee yet aduenture , here , to tell you none ; But shew you common follies , and so knowne , That though they are not truths , th' innocent Muse Hath made so like , as Phant'sie could them state , Or Poetry , without scandall , imitate . THE STAPLE OF NEVVES . ACT. I. SCENE . I. PENI-BOY . IV. LETHER-LEGGE . GRamercie Letherleg : Get me the Spurrier , * And thou hast fitted me . LET. I 'll do 't presently . P. IV. Look to me , wit , and look to my wit , Land , That is , looke on me , and with all thine eyes , Male , Female , yea , Hermaphroditicke eyes , And those bring all your helpes , and perspicills , To see me at best aduantage , and augment My forme as I come forth , for I doe feele I will be one , worth looking after , shortly . Now , by and by , that 's shortly . * 't strikes ! One , two , Three , foure , fiue , six . Inough , inough , deare watch , Thy pulse hath beate inough . Now sleepe , and rest ; Would thou couldst make the time to doe so too : I 'll winde thee vp no more . The houre is come So long expected ! There , there , * drop my wardship , My pupill age , and vassalage together . And Liberty , come throw thy selfe about me , In a rich suite , cloake , hat , and band , for now I 'le sue out no mans Liuery , but miny owne , I stand on my owne feete , so much a yeere , Right , round , and sound , the Lord of mine owne ground , And ( to ryme to it ) threescore thousand Pound ! * Not come ? Not yet ? Taylor thou art a vermine , Worse then the same thou prosecut'st , and prick'st In subtill seame — ( Go too , I say no more ) Thus to retard my longings : on the day I doe write man , to beat thee . One and twenty , S●nce the clock strooke , compleat ! and thou wilt feele it Thou foolish Animall ! I could pitty him , ( An' I were not heartily angry with him now ) For this one peece of folly he beares about him , To dare to tempt the Furie of an heyre , T' aboue two thousand a yeere ; yet hope his custome ! Well , Mr. Fashioner , there 's some must breake — A head , for this your breaking . Are you come , Sir , ACT. II. SCENE . IJ. FASHIONER . PENIBOY . THOMAS BARBER . HABERDASHER . GOd giue your worship ioy . P. IV. What ? of your staying ? And leauing me to stalke here in my trowses , Like a tame Her'n-sew for you ? FAS. I but waited Below , till the clocke strooke . P. IV. Why , if you had come Before a quarter , would it so haue hurt you , In reputation , to haue wayted here ? FAS. No , but your worship might haue pleaded nonage , If you had got 'hem on , ere I could make Iust Affidauit of the time . P. IV. That iest Has gain'd thy pardon , thou had'st liu'd , condemn'd To thine owne hell else , neuer to haue wrought Stitch more for me , or any Peniboy , I could haue hindred thee : but now thou art mine . For one and twenty yeeres , or for three liues , Chuse which thou wilt , I 'll make thee a Copy-holder , And thy first Bill vnquestion'd . Helpe me on . FAS. Presently , Sir , I am bound vnto your worship . P. IV. Thou shalt be , when I haue seal'd thee a Lease of my Custome . FAS. Your wor ps , Barbar is without . P. IN. Who ? Thom ? Come in Thom : set thy things vpon the Boord And spread thy clothes , lay all forth in procinctu , And tell 's what newes ? THO. O Sir , a staple of newes ! Or the New Staple , which you please . P. IV. What 's that ? FAS. An Office , Sir , a braue young Office set vp . I had forgot to tell your worship . P. IV. For what ? THO. To enter all the Newes , Sir , o' the time , FAS. And vent it as occasion serues ! A place Of huge commerce it will be ! P. IV. Pray thee peace , I cannot abide a talking Taylor : let Thom ( He 's a Barber ) by his place relate it , What is 't , an Office , Thom ? THO. Newly erected Here in the house , almost on the same floore , Where all the newes of all sorts shall be brought , And there be examin'd , and then registred , And so be issu'd vnder the Seale of the Office , As Staple Newes ; no other newes be currant . P. IV. 'Fore me , thou speak'st of a braue busines , Thom. FAS. Nay , if you knew the brain that hatch'd it Sr — P. IV. I know thee wel inough : giue him a loaf , Thom — Quiet his mouth , that Ouen will be venting else . Proceed — THO. He tels you true Sr. Mr Cymbal , Is Master of the Office , he proiected it , Hee lies here i' the house : and the great roomes He has taken for the Office , and set vp His Deskes and Classes , Tables and his Shelues , FAS. He 's my Customer , and a Wit Sir , too . But , h' has braue wits vnder him — THO. Yes , foure Emissaries , P. IV. Emissaries ? stay , there 's a fine new word , Thom ! 'Pray God it signifie any thing , what are Emissaries ? THO. Men imploy'd outward , that are sent abroad To fetch in the commodity . FAS. From all regions Where the best newes are made . THO. Or vented forth . FAS. By way of exchange , or trade . P. IV. Nay , thou wilt speak — FAS. My share Sr. there 's enough for both . P. IV. Goe on then , Speake all thou canst : me thinkes , the ordinaries Should helpe them much . FAS. Sir , they haue ordinaries , And extraordinaries , as many changes , And variations , as there are points i' the compasse . THO. But the 4. Cardinall Quarters — P. IV. I , those Thom — THO. The Court , Sir , Pauls , Exchange , and Westminster-hall . P. IV. Who is the Chiefe ? which hath preceedencie ? THO. The gouernour o' the Staple , Master Cymball . He is the Chiefe ; and after him the Emissaries : First Emissary Court , one Master Fitton , He 's a Ieerer too . P. IV. What 's that ? FAS. A Wit. THO. Or halfe a Wit , some of them are Halfe-wits , Two to a Wit , there are a set of ' hem . Then Master Ambler , Emissary Paules , A fine pac'd gentleman , as you shall see , walke The middle I le : And then my Froy Hans Buz , A Dutch-man ; he 's Emissary Exhange . FAS. I had thought Mr. Burst the Marchant had had it . THO. No , He has a rupture , hee has sprung a leake , Emissarie Westminster's vndispos'd of yet ; Then the Examiner , Register , and two Clerkes , They mannage all at home , and sort , and file , And seale the newes , and issue them . P. IV. Thom , deare Thom. What may my meanes doe for thee , aske , and haue it , I 'd faine be doing some good . It is my birth-day . And I 'd doe it betimes , I feele a grudging Of bounty , and I would not long lye fallow . I pray thee thinke , and speake , or wish for something . THO. I would I had but one o' the Clerkes places , I'th is Newes Office , . P. IV. Thou shalt haue it , Thom , If siluer , or gold will fetch it ; what 's the rate ? At what is 't set i' the Mercat ? THO. Fiftie pound , Sir. P. IV. An 't were a hundred , Thom , thou shalt not want it . FAS. The Taylor leapes , and embraceth him . O Noble Master ! P. IV. How now Aesops Asse ! Because I play with Thom , must I needes runne Into your rude embraces ? stand you still , Sir ; Clownes fawnings , are a horses salutations . How do'st thou like my suite , Thom ? THO. Mr Fashioner Has hit your measures , Sir , h' has moulded you , And made you , as they say . FAS. No , no , not I , I am an Asse , old Aesops Asse . P. IV. Nay , Fashioner , I can doe thee a good turne too , be not musty , Though thou hast moulded me , as little Thom sayes , He drawes out his pockets . ( I thinke thou hast put me in mouldy pockets . ) FAS. As good , Right Spanish perfume , the Lady Estifania's , They cost twelue pound a payre . P. IV. Thy bill will say so . I pray thee tell me , Fashioner , what Authors Thou read'st to helpe thy inuention ? Italian prints ? Or Arras hangings ? They are Taylors Libraries . FAS. I scorne such helps . P. IV. O , though thou art a silk-worme ! And deal'st in sattins and veluets , and rich plushes , Thou canst not spin all formes out of thy selfe ; They are quite other things : I thinke this suite Has made me wittier , then I was . FAS. Belieue it Sir , That clothes doe much vpon the wit , as weather Do's on the braine ; and thence comes your prouerbe ; The Taylor makes the man : I speake by experience Of my owne Customers . I haue had Gallants , Both Court and Countrey , would ha' fool'd you vp In a new suite , with the best wits , in being , And kept their speed , as long as their clothes lasted Han'some , and neate ; but then as they grew out At the elbowes againe , or had a staine , or spot , They haue sunke most wretchedly . P. IV. What thou report'st , Is but the common calamity , and seene daily ; And therefore you ' haue another answering prouerbe : A broken sleeue keepes the arme backe , FAS. 'T is true , Sir. And thence wee say , that such a one playes at peepe-arme . P. IV. Doe you so ? it is wittily sayd . I wonder , Gentlemen , And men of meanes will not maintaine themselues Fresher in wit , I meane in clothes , to the highest . For hee that 's out o' clothes , is out o'fashion , And out of fashion , is out of countenance , And out o' countenance , is out o' Wit. Is not Rogue Haberdasher come ? HAB. Yes , here , Sir. They are all about him , busie . I ha' beene without this halfe houre . P IV. Giue me my hat . Put on my Girdle . Rascall , sits my Ruffe well ? LIN. In print . P. IV. Slaue . LIN. See your selfe . P. IV. ●s this same hat O' the blocke passant ? Do not answer mee , I cannot stay for an answer . I doe feele The powers of one and twenty , like a ●ide Flow in vpon mee , and perceiue an Heyre , Can Coniure vp all spirits in all circles , Rogue , Rascall , Slaue ▪ giue tradesmen their true names , And they appeare to 'hem pr●sently . LIN. For profit . P. IV. Come cast my cloake about me , I 'll goe see , This Office Thom , and be trimm'd afterwards . I 'll put thee in possession , my prime worke ! Gods so ▪ my Spurrier ! put hem on boy , quickly , His Spurrier comes in . 〈…〉 lost my Spurres with too much speed . ACT. I. SCENE . IIJ. PENI-BOY , Canter . to them singing . Good morning to my Ioy , My iolly Peni-boy ! The Lord , and the Prince of plenty ! I come to see what riches , Thou bearest in thy breeches , The first of thy one and twenty ▪ What , doe thy pockets gingle ? Or shall wee neede to mingle Our strength both of foote and horses ! These fellows looke so eager , As if they would beleaguer An Heyre in the midst of his forces ! I hope they be no S●rieants ! That hang vpon thy margents . This Rogue has the Ioule of a Iaylor ▪ P. IV. O Founder , no such matter , My Spurrier , and my Hatter , The young Peny-boy answers in tune . My Linnen man , and my Taylor . Thou should'st haue beene brought in too , Shoomaker , If the time had beene longer , and Thom Barber . How do'st thou like my company , old Canter ? Doe I not muster a braue troupe ? all Bill-men ? Present your Armes , before my Founder here , This is my Founder , this same learned Canter ! He brought me the first newes of my fathers death , He takes the bils , and puts them vp in his pockets . I thanke him , and euer since , I call him Founder ▪ Worship him , boyes , I 'll read onely the summes . And passe 'hem streight . SHO. Now Ale. REST. And strong Ale blesse him . P. IV. Gods so , some Ale , and Sugar for my Founder ! Good Bills , sufficient Bills , these Bills may passe . P. CA. I do not like those paper-squibs , good Master . They may vndoe your store , I meane , of Credit , And fire your Arsenall , if case you doe not In time make good those outerworkes , your pockets , And take a Garrison in of some two hundred , To beat these Pyoners off , that carry a Mine Would blow you vp , at last . Secure your Casamates , Here Master Picklocke , Sir , your man o' Law , And learn'd Att●rney , has sent you a Bag of munition . P. IV. What is 't ? P. CA. Three hundred pieces . P. IV. I 'll dispatch ' hem . P. CA. Do , I would haue your strengths lin'd , and perfum'd With Gold , as well as Amber . P. IV. God a mercy , Come , Ad soluendum , boyes ! there , there , and there , &c. He payes all . I looke on nothing but Totalis . P. CA· See! The difference 'twixt the couetous , and the prodigall ! " The Couetous man neuer has money ! and " The Prodigall will haue none shortly ! P. IV. Ha , What saies my Founder ? I thanke you , I thanke you Sirs . ALL. God blesse your worship , and your worships Chanter . P CA. I say 't is nobly done , to cherish Shop-keepers , And pay their Bills , without examining thus . P. IV. Alas ! they haue had a pittifull hard time on 't , A long vacation , from their coozening . Poore Rascalls , I doe doe it out of charity . I would aduance their trade againe , and haue them Haste to be rich , sweare , and forsweare wealthily , What doe you stay for , Sirrah ? SPV. To my boxe Sir , P. IV. Your boxe , why , there 's an angel , if my Spurres He giues the Spurrier , to his boxe . Be not right Rippon . SPV. Giue me neuer a penny If I strike not thorow your bounty with the Rowells . P. IV. Do'st thou want any money Founder ? P. CA. Who , Sr. I , Did I not tell you I was bred i' the Mines , Vnder Sir Beuis Bullion . P. IV. That is true , I quite forgot , you Myne-men want no money , Your streets are pau'd with 't : there , the molten siluer Runns out like creame , on cakes of gold . P. CA. And Rubies Doe grow like Strawberries . P. IV. 'T were braue being there ! Come Thom , we 'll go to the Office now . P. CA. What Office ? P. IV. Newes Office , the New Staple ; thou shalt goe too , 'T is here i' the house , on the same floore , Thom. sayes , Come , Founder , let vs trade in Ale , and nutmegges . ACT. I. SCENE . IIII. REGISTER . CLERKE . VVOMAN . WHat , are those Desks fit now ? set forth the Table , The Carpet and the Chayre : where are the Newes That were examin'd last ? ha' you fil'd them vp ? CLE. Not yet , I had no time . REG. Are those newes registred , That Emissary Buz sent in last night ? Of Spinola , and his Egges ? CLE. Yes Sir , and fil'd . REG. What are you now vpon ? CLE. That our new Emissary Westminster , gaue vs , of the Golden Heyre . REG. Dispatch , that 's newes indeed , and of importance . What would you haue good woman ? WO. I would haue Sir , A groatsworth of any Newes , I care not what , A countrey-woman waites there . To carry downe this Saturday , to our Vicar . REG. O! You are a Butterwoman , aske Nathaniel The Clerke , there . CLE. Sir , I tell her , she must stay Till Emissary Exchange , or Pauls send in , And then I 'll fit her . REG. Doe good woman , haue patience , It is not now , as when the Captaine liu'd . CLE. You 'll blast the reputation of the Office , Now i' the Bud , if you dispatch these Groats , So soone : let them attend in name of policie . ACT. I. SCENE . V. PENIBOY . CYMBAL . FITTON . THO : BARBER . CANTER . IN troth they are dainty roomes ; what place is this ? CYM. This is the outer roome , where my Clerkes sit ▪ And keepe their sides , the Register i' the midst , The Examiner , he sits priuate there , within , And here I haue my seuerall Rowles , and Fyles Of Newes by the Alphabet , and all put vp Vnder their heads . P. IV. But those , too , subdiuided ? CYM. Into Authenticall , and Apocryphall . FIT. Or Newes of doubtfull credit , as Barbers newes . CYM. And Taylors Newes , Porters , and Watermens newes , FIT. Whereto , beside the Corant● , and Gazetti . CYM. I haue the Newes of the season . FIT. As vacation newes , Terme-newes , and Christmas-newes . CIM. And newes o' the faction . FIT. As the Reformed newes , Protestant newes , CYM. And Pontificiall newes , o● all which seuerall , The Day-bookes , Characters , Precedents are kept . Together with the names of speciall friends — FIT. And men of Correspondence i' the Countrey — CYM. Yes , of all ranks , and all Religions . — FIT. Factors , and Agents — CYM. Liegers , that lie out Through all the Shires o' the kingdome . P. IV. This is fine ! And beates a braue relation ! but what sayes Mercurius Britannicus to this ? CYM O Sir , he gaines by 't halfe in halfe . FIT. Nay more I 'll stan● to 't . For , where he was wont to get In , hungry Captaines ▪ obscure Statesmen . CYM. Fellowes To drinke with him in a darke roome in a Tauerne , And eat a Sawsage . FIT. We ha' seen 't , CYM. As faine , To keepe so many politique pennes Going , to feed the presse . FIT. And dish ou● newes , Were 't true , or false . CYM. Now all that charge is sau'd The publique Chronicler . FIT. How , doe you call him there ? CYM. And gentle Reader . FIT. He that has the maidenhead Of all the bookes . CYM. Yes , dedicated to him , FIT. Or rather prostituted . P. IV. You are right , Sir. CYM. No more shall be abus'd , nor countrey - Parsons O' the Inquisition , nor busie Iustices , Trouble the peace , and both torment themselues , And their poore ign'rant Neighbours with enquiries After the many , and most innocent Monsters , That neuer came i' th' Counties they were charg'd with . P. IV. Why , me thinkes Sir , if the honest common people Will be abus'd , why should not they ha' their pleasure , In the belieuing Lyes , are made for them ; As you i' th' Office , making them your selues ? FIT. O Sir ! it is the printing we oppose . CYM. We not forbid that any Newes , be made , But that 't be printed ; for when Newes is printed , It leaues Sir to be Newes . while 't is but written — FIT. Though it be ne're so false , it runnes Newes still . P. IV. See diuers mens opinions ! vnto some , The very printing of them , makes them Newes ; That ha' not the heart to beleeue any thing , But what they see in print . FIT. I , that 's an Error Ha's abus'd many ; but we shall reforme it , As many things beside ( we haue a hope ) Are crept among the popular abuses . CYM. Nor shall the Stationer cheat vpon the Time , By buttering ouer againe — FIT. once , in Seuen Yeares , As the age doates — CYM : And growes forgetfull o' them , ●is antiquated Pamphlets , with new dates . But all shall come from the Mint . FIT. Fresh and new stamp'd , CYM. With the Office-Seale , Staple Commoditie . FIT. And if a man will assure his Newes , he may : Two-pence a Sheet he shall be warranted , And haue a policie for 't . P. IV. Sir , I admire The method o' your place ; all things within 't Are so digested , fitted , and compos'd , As it shewes Wit had married Order . FIT. Sir. CYM. The best wee could to inuite the Times . FIT. It ha's Cost sweat , and freesing . CYM. And some broken sleepes Before it came to this . P. IV. I easily thinke it . FIT. But now it ha's the shape — CYM. And is come forth . P. IV. A most polite neat thing ! with all the limbs , As sense can tast ! CYM. It is Sir , though I say it , As well-begotten a busines , and as fairely Helpt to the World. P. IV. You must be a Mid-wife Sir ! Or els the sonne of a Mid-wife ! ( pray you pardon me ) Haue helpt it forth so happily ! what Newes ha' you ? Newes o' this morning ? I would faine heare some Fresh , from the forge ( as new as day , as they say . ) CYM. And such we haue Sir. REG. Shew him the last Rowle , Of Emissary West-minster 's , The Heire . P. IV. Come nearer , Thom : CLA. There is a braue yong Heire Pe●y reioyceth , that he 〈◊〉 . Is come of age this morning , Mr. Peny-boy . P. IV. That 's I ! CLA. His Father dy'd on this day seuenth-night . P. IV. True ! CLA. At sixe o' the Clocke i' the morning , iust a weeke 〈◊〉 Thom : of it . Ere he was One and Twenty . P. IV. I am here , Thom ! Proceed , I pray thee . CLA. An old Canting Begger Brought him first Newes , whom he has entertain'd , Call in the Canter . Hee giues the Clerke . To follow him , since . P. IV. Why , you shall see him ! Founder , Come in ; no Follower , but Companion , I pray thee put him in , Friend . There 's an Angell — Thou do'st not know , hee 's a wise old Fellow , Though he seeme patch'd thus , and made vp o' peeces , Founder , we are in , here , in , i' the Newes-Office ! In this dayes Rowle , already ! I doe muse How you came by vs Sir's ! CYM. One Master Pick-locke A Lawyer , that hath purchas'd here a place , This morning , of an Emissary vnder me . FIT. Emissarie Westminster . CYM. Gaue it into th' Office , FIT. For his Essay , his peece . P. IV. My man o' Law ! Hee 's my Attorney , and Sollicitour too ! A fine pragmaticke ! what 's his place worth ? CYM. A Nemo-scit , Sir. FIT. 'T is as Newes come , in , CYM. And as they are issued . I haue the iust mcoytie For my part : then the other mocytie Is parted into seuen . The foure Emissaries ; Whereof my Cozen Fitton here 's for Court , Ambler for Pauls , and Buz for the Exchange , Picklocke , for Westminster , with the Examiner , And Register , they haue full parts : and then one part Is vnder-parted to a couple of Clarkes ; And there 's the iust diuision of the profits ! P. IV. Ha' you those Clarks Sir. CYM. There is one Desk empty , But it has many Suitors . P. IV. Sir , may I Present one more and carry it , if his parts Or Gifts , ( which you will , call 'hem ) CYM. Be sufficient Sir. P. IV. What are your present Clarkes habilities ? How is he qualified ? CYM ▪ A decay'd Stationer He was , but knowes Newes well , can sort and ranke ' hem . FIT. And for a need can make ' hem . CYM. True Paules bred , I' the Church-yard . P. IV. And this at the West-dore , O' th other side , hee 's my Barber Thom , A pretty Scholler , and a Master of Arts , Was made , or went out Master of Arts in a throng , At the Vniuersitie ; as before , one Christmas , He got into a Masque at Court , by his wit , And the good meanes of his Cythern , holding vp thus For one o' the Musique , Hee 's a nimble Fellow ! And alike skil'd in euery liberall Science , As hauing certaine snaps of all , a neat , Quick-vaine , in forging Newes too . I doe loue him , And promis'd him a good turne , and I would doe it . What 's your price ? the value ? CYM. Fifty pounds , Sr. P. IV. Get in Thom , take possession , I install thee ; Here , tell your money ; giue thee ioy , good Thom ; And let me heare from thee euery minute of Newes , While the New Staple stands , or the Office lasts , Which I doe wish , may ne're be lesse for thy sake . CLA. The Emissaries , Sir , would speake with you , And Master Fitton , they haue brought in Newes , Three Bale together . CYM. Sr , you are welcome , here . FIT. So is your creature . CYM. Businesse calls vs off , Sir , They take leaue of Peny-boy , and Canter . That may concerne the Office. P. IV. Keepe me faire , Sir , Still i' your Staple , I am here your friend , On the same flooer . FIT. We shall be your seruants . P. IV. How dost thou like it , Founder ? P. CA. All is well , But that your man o' law me thinks appeares not In his due time . O! Here comes Masters worship . ACT. I. SCENE . VI. PICKLOCK . PENI-BOY . IV. P. CANTER . HOw do's the Heyre , bright Master Peniboy ? Is hee awake yet in his One and Twenty ? Why , this is better farre , then to weare Cypresse , Dull smutting gloues , or melancholy blacks , And haue a payre of twelue-peny broad ribbands Laid out like Labells . P. IV. I should ha' made shift To haue laught as heartily in my mourners hood , As in this Suite , if it had pleas'd my father To haue beene buried , with the Trumpeters : PIC. The Heralds of Armes , you meane . P. IV. I meane , All noyse , that is superfluous ! PIC. All that idle pompe , And vanity of a Tombe-stone , your wise father Did , by his will , preuent . Your worship had — P. IV. A louing and obedient father of him , I know it : a right , kinde-natur'd man , To dye so opportunely . PIC. And to settle All things so well , compounded for your ward ship The weeke afore , and left your state entyre Without any charge vpon 't . P. IV. I must needes say , I lost an Officer of him , a good Bayliffe , And I shall want him ; but all peace be with him , I will not wish him aliue , againe ; not I , For all my Fortune ; giue your worship ioy O' your new place , your Emissary-ship , I' the Newes Office. PIC. Know you , why I bought it Sr ? P. IV. Not I. PIC. To worke for you , and carry a myne Against the Master of it , Master Cymball ; Who hath a plot vpon a Gentlewoman , Was once design'd for you , Sir. P. IV. Me ? PIC. Your father , Old Master Peni-boy , of happy memory , And wisdome too , as any i' the County , Carefull to finde out a fit match for you , In his owne life time ( but hee was preuented ) Left it in writing in a Schedule here , To be annexed to his Will ; that you , His onely Sonne , vpon his charge , and blessing , Should take due notice of a Gentlewoman , Soiourning with your vncle , Richer Peni-boy . P. IV. A Cornish Gentlewoman , I doe know her , Mistresse , Pecunia doe-all . PIC. A great Lady , Indeede shee is , and not of mortall race , Infanta of the Mines ; her Graces Grandfather , Was Duke , and Cousin to the King of Ophyr , The Subterranean , let that passe . Her name is , Or rather , her three names are ( for such shee is ) Aurelia Clara Pecunia , A great Princesse , Of mighty power , though shee liue in priuate With a contracted family ! Her Secretary — P. CA. Who is her Gentleman-vsher too . PIC. One Broker , And then two Gentlewomen ; Mistresse Statute , And Mistresse Band , with Waxe the Chambermaide , And Mother Mortgage , the old Nurse , two Groomes , Pawne , and his fellow ; you haue not many to bribe , Sir. The worke is feizible , and th' approches easie , By your owne kindred . Now , Sir , Cymball thinkes , The Master here , and gouernor o' the Staple , By his fine arts , and pompe of his great place To draw her ! He concludes , shee is a woman ! And that so soone as sh' heares of the New Office , Shee 'll come to visit it , as they all haue longings After new sights , and motions ! But your bounty , Person , and brauery must atchieue her . P. CA. Shee is The talke o' the time ▪ th' aduenture o' the age ! PIC. You cannot put your selfe vpon an action Of more importance . P. CA. All the world are suiters to her . PIC. All sorts of men , and all professions ! P. CA. You shall haue stall-fed Doctors , cram'd Diuines Make loue to her , and with those studied And perfum'd flatteries , as no rome can stinke More elegant , then where they are . PIC. Well chanted Old Canter thou singst true . P. CA. And ( by your leaue ) Good Masters worship , some of your veluet coate Make corpulent curt'●ies to her , till they cracke for 't . PIC. There 's Doctor Almanack wooes her , one of the Ieerers , A fine Physitian . P. CA. Your Sea-captaine , Shun field , Giues out hee 'll goe vpon the Cannon for her . PIC. Though his lowd mouthing get him little credit , P. CA. Young Master Pyed mantle , the fine Herrald Professes to deriuer her through all ages , From all the Kings , and Queenes , that euer were . PIC. And Master Madrigall , the crowned Poet Of these our times , doth off●r at her praises As faire as any , when it shall please Apollo , That wit and rime may meete both in one subiect . P. CA. And you to beare her from all these , it will be — PIC. A work of fame . P. CA. Of honor . PIC. Celebration . P. CA. Worthy your name . PIC. The Peni-boyes to liue in 't , P. CA. It is an action you were built for , Sir , PIC. And none but you can doe it . P. IV. I 'll vndertake it , P. CA. And carry it . P. IV. Feare me not , for since I came Of mature age , I haue had a certaine itch In my right eye , this corner , here , doe you see ? To doe some worke , and worthy of a Chronicle . The first Intermeane after the first Act. MIRTH. How now Gossip ! how doe's the Play please you ? CENSVRE . Very scuruily , me thinks , and sufficiently naught . EXPECTATION . As a body would wish : here 's nothing but a young Prodigall , come of age , who makes much of the Barber , buyes him a place in a new Office , i' the ayre , I know not where , and his man o'Law to follow him , with the Begger to boote , and they two helpe him to a wife . MIRTH. I , shee is a proper piece ! that such creatures can broke for . TATLE. I cannot abide that nasty fellow , the Begger , if hee had beene a Court-Begger in good clothes ; a Begger in veluet , as they say , I could haue endur'd him . MIRTH. Or a begging scholler in blacke , or one of these beggerly Poets , gossip , that would hang vpon a young heyre like a horseleech . EXPEC. Or a thred-bare Doctor of Physicke , a poore Quackesaluer . CENSVRE . Or a Sea-captaine , halfe steru'd . MIRTH. I , these were tolerable Beggers , Beggers of fashion ! you shall see some such anon ! TATLE. I would faine see the Foole , gossip , the Foole is the finest man t 'the company , they say , and has all the wit : Hee is the very Iustice o' Peace o' the Play , and can cemmit whom hee will , and what hee will , errour , absurdity , as the toy takes him , and no man say , blacke is his eye , but laugh at him . MIRTH. But they ha' no Foole i' this Play , I am afraid , gossip . TATLE. It 's a wise Play , then . EXPECTATION . They are all fooles , the rather , in that . CENSVRE . Like enough . TATLE. My husband , ( Timothy Tatle , God rest his poore soule ) was wont to say , there was no Play without a Foole , and a Diuell in 't ; he was for the Diuell still God blesse him . The Diuell for his money , would hee say , I would faine see the Diuell . And why would you so faine see the Diuell ? would I say . Because hee has hornes , wife , and may be a cuckold , as well as a Diuell , hee would answer : You are e'en such another , husband , quoth I. Was the Diuell euer married ? where doe you read , the Di●●ll was euer so honorable to commit Matrimony ; The Play will tell vs , that , sayes hee , wee 'll goe see 't to morrow , the Diuell is an Asse . Hee is an errant learn'd man , that made it , and can write , they say , and I am fouly deceiu'd , but hee can read too . MIRTH. I remember it gossip , I went with you , by the same token , Mrs . Trouble Truth diswaded vs , and told vs , hee was a prophane Poet , and all his Playes had Diuels in them . That he kept schole vpo ' the Stage , could coniure there , aboue the Schole of Westminster , and Doctor Lamb too : not a Play he made , but had a Diuell in it . And that he would learne vs all to make our husbands Cuckolds at Playes : by another token , that a young married wife i' the company , said , shee could finde in her heart to steale thither , and see a little o' the vanity through her masque , and come practice at home . TATLE. O , it was , Mistresse — MIRTH. Nay , Gossip , I name no body . It may be 't was my selfe . EXPECTATION . But was the Diuell a proper man , Gossip ? MIRTH. As fine a gentleman ▪ of his inches , as euer I saw trusted to the Stage ▪ or any where else : and lou'd the common wealth , as well as ere a Patriot of 'hem all : hee would carry away the Vice on his backe , quicke to Hell , in euery Play where he came , and reforme abuses . EXPECTATION . There was the Diuell of Edmonton , no such man , I warrant you . CENSVRE . The Coniurer coosen'd him with a candles end , hee was an Asse . MIRTH. But there was one Smug , a Smith , would haue made a horse laugh , and broke his halter , as they say . TATLE. O , but the poore man had got a shrewd mischance , one day . EXPECTATION . How , Gossip ? TATLE. He had drest a Rogue Iade i' the morning , that had the Staggers , and had got such a spice of 'hem himselfe , by noone , as they would not away all the Play time , doe what hee could , for his heart . MIRTH. 'T was his part , Gossip , he was to be drunke , by his part . TATLE. Say you so , I vnderstood not so much . EXPECTA. Would wee had such an other part , and such a man in this play , I feare 't will be an excellent dull thing . CENSVRE . Expect , intend it . ACT. II. SCENE . I. PENI-BOY . Sen. PECVNIA . MORTGAGE . STATVTE . BAND . BROKER . YOur Grace is sad me thinks , and melancholy ! You doe not looke vpon me with that face , As you were wont , my Godnesse , bright Pecunia : Although your Grace be falne , of two i' the hundred , In vulgar estimation ; yet am I , You Graces seruant still : and teach this body , To bend , and these my aged knees to buckle , In adoration , and iust worship of you . Indeed , I doe confesse , I haue no shape To make a minion of , but I 'm your Martyr , Your Graces Martyr . I can heare the Rogues , As I doe walke the streetes , whisper , and point , There goes old Peni-boy , the slaue of money , Rich Peni-boy , Lady Pecunia's drudge , A sordid Rascall , one that neuer made Good meale in his sleep , but sells the acates are sent him , Fish , Fowle , and venison , and preserues himselfe , Like an old hoary Rat , with mouldy pye-crust . This I doe heare , reioycing , I can suffer This , and much more , for your good Graces sake . PEC. Why do you so my Guardian ? I not bid you , Cannot my Grace be gotten , and held too , Without your selfe-tormentings , and your watches , Your macerating of your body thus With cares , and scantings of your dyet , and rest ? P. SE. O , no , your seruices , my Princely Lady , Cannot with too much zeale of rites be done , They are so sacred . PEC. But my Reputation . May suffer , and the worship of my family , When by ●o seruile me●nes they both are sought . P. SE. You are a noble , young , free , gracious Lady , And would be euery bodies , in your bounty , But you must not be so . They are a few That know your merit , Lady , and can valew 't . Your selfe scarce vnderstan●s your proper powers . They are all-mighty , and that wee your seruants , That haue the honour here to stand so neere you , Know ; and can vse too . All this Nether-world Is yours , you command it , and doe sway it , The honour of it , and the honesty , The reputation , I , and the religion , ( I was about to say , and had not err'd ) Is Queene Pecunia's . For that stile is yours , If mortals knew your Grace , or their owne good . MOR. Please your Grace to retire . BAN. I feare your Grace Hath ta'ne too much of the sharpe ayre . PEC. O no! I could endure to take a great deale more ( And with my constitution , were it left ) Vnto my choice , what thinke you of it , Statute ? STA. A little now and then does well , and keepes Your Grace in your complexion . BAN. And true temper . MOR. But too much Madame ▪ may encrease cold rheumes , Nou●ish catarrhes , greene sicknesses , and agues , And put you in consumption P. SE. Best to take Aduice of your graue women , Noble Madame , They know the state o' your body , and ha'studied Your Graces health . BAN. And honour . Here'll be visitants , Or Suitors by and by ; and 't is not fit They find you here . STA. 'T will make your Grace too cheape To giue them audience presently . MOR. Leaue your Secretary , To answer them . PEC. Waite you here . Broker . BRO. I shal Madame . And doe your Graces trusts with diligence . ACT. II. SCENE . II. PYED-MANTLE . BROKER . PENI-BOY . SEN. WHat luck 's this ? I am come an inch too late , Doe you heare Sir ? Is your worship o' the family Vnto the Lady Pecunia ? BRO. I serue her Grace , Sir , Aurelia Clara Pecunia , the Infanta . PYE. Has she all those Titles , and her Grace besides , I must correct that ignorance and ouer-sight , Before I doe present . Sir , I haue drawne A Pedigree for her Grace , though yet a Nouice In that so noble study . BRO. A Herald at Armes ? PYE. No Sir , a Pursiuant , my name is Pyed-mantle . BRO. Good Master Pyed-mantle . PYE. I haue deduc'd her . — BRO. From all the Spanish Mines in the West-Indi'es , I hope : for she comes that way by her mother , But , by her Grand-mother , she 's Dutches of Mines . PYE. From mans creation I haue brought her . BRO. No further ? Before Sr , long before , you haue done nothing else , Your Mines were before Adam , search your Office , Rowle fiue and twenty , you will finde it so , I see you are but a Nouice , Master Pyed-mantle . If you had not told mee so . PYE. Sir , an apprentise In armoiry . I haue read the Elements , And Accidence , and all the leading bookes , And I haue , now , vpon me a great ambition , How to be brought to her Grace , to kisse her hands . BRO. Why , if you haue acquaintance with Mistresse Statute , Or Mistresse Band , my Ladies Gentlewomen , They can induce you . One is a Iudges Daughter , But somewhat stately ; th' other Mistresse Band , Her father 's but a Scriuener , but shee can Almost as much with my Lady , as the other , Especially , if Rose Waxe the Chambermaid Be willing . Doe you not know her , Sir , neither ? PYE. No in troth Sir. BRO. She 's a good plyant wench , And easie to be wrought , Sir , but the Nurse Old mother Mortgage , if you haue a Tenement , Or such a morsell ? though shee haue no teeth , Shee loues a sweet meat , any thing that melts In her warme gummes , she could command it for you On such a trifle , a toy . Sir , you may see , How for your loue , and this so pure complexion , ( A perfect Sanguine ) I ha' ventur'd thus , The straining of a ward , opening a doore Into the secrets of our family : PYE. I pray you let mee know , Sir , vnto whom I am so much beholden ; but your name . BRO. My name is Broker , I am Secretary , And Vsher , to her Grace . PYE. Good Master Broker ! BRO. Good Mr. Pyed-mantle . PYE. Why ? you could do me , If you would , now , this fauour of your selfe . BRO. Truely , I thinke I could : but if I would , I hardly should , without , or Mistresse Band , Or Mistresse Statute , please to appeare in it . Or the good Nurse I told you of , Mistresse Mortgage ▪ We know our places here , wee mingle not One in anothers sphere , but all moue orderly , In our owne orbes ; yet wee are all Concentricks . PYE. Well , Sir , I 'll waite a better season . BRO. Doe , And study the right meanes , get Mistresse Band Broker makes a mouth at him . He ieeres him againe . Old Peny-boy leaps To vrge on your behalfe , or little Waxe . PYE. I haue a hope , Sir , that I may , by chance , Light on her Grace , as she 's taking the ayre : BRO. That ayre of hope , has blasted many an ayrie Of Castrills like your selfe : Good Master Pyed-mantle , P. SE. Well said , Master Secretary , I stood behinde And h●ard thee all . I honor thy dispatches . If they be rude , vntrained it our method And haue not studied the rule , dismisse 'hem quickly , Where 's Lickfinger my Cooke ? that vnctuous rascall ? Hee 'll neuer keepe his houre , that vessell of kitchinstuffe ! ACT. II. SCENE . IIJ. BROKER . PENY-BOY . SE. LICK-FINGER . HEere hee is come , Sir. P. SE. Pox vpon him kidney , Alwaies too late ! LIC. To wish 'hem you , I confesse , That ha 'them already . P. SE. What ? LIC. The pox ! P. SE. The piles , The plague , and all diseases light on him , Knowes not to keepe his word . I 'ld keepe my word sure ! I hate that man that will not keepe his word , When did I breake my word ? LIC. Or I , till now ? And 't is but halfe an houre . P. SE. Halfe a yeere : To mee that stands vpon a minute of time . I am a iust man , I loue still to be iust . LIC. Why ? you thinke I can runne like light-foot Ralph , Or keep a wheele-barrow , with a sayle in towne here , To whirle me to you : I haue lost two stone Of suet i' the seruice posting hither , You might haue followed me like a watering pot , And seene the knots I made along the street ; My face dropt like the skimmer in a fritter panne , And my whole body , is yet ( to say the truth ) A rosted pound of butter , with grated bread in ' t ! He sweepes his face . P. SE. Belieue you , he that list . You stay'd of purpose , To haue my venison stinke , and my fowle mortify'd , That you might ha' 'hem — LIC. A shilling or two cheaper , That 's your iealousie . P. SE. Perhaps it is . Will you goe in , and view , and value all ? Yonder is venison sent mee ! fowle ! and fish ! In such abundance ! I am sicke to see it ! I wonder what they meane ! I ha told 'hem of it ! To burthen a weake stomacke ! and prouoke A dying appetite ! thrust a sinne vpon me I ne'r was guilty of ! nothing but gluttony ! Grosse gluttony ! that will vndoe this Land ! LIC. And bating two i' the hundred . P. SE. I , that same 's A crying sinne , a fearefull damn'd deuice , Eats vp the poore , deuoures 'hem — LIC. Sir , take heed What you giue out . P. SE. Against your graue great Solons ? Numae Pompilij , they that made that Law ? To take away the poore's inheritance ? It was their portion : I will stand to 't . And they haue rob'd 'hem of it , plainly rob'd 'hem , I still am a iust man , I tell the truth . When moneies went at Ten i' the hundred , I , And such as I , the seruants of Pecunia , Could spare the poore two out of ten , and did it , How say you , Broker ? ( LIC. Ask your Eccho ) BRO. You did it . P. S● . I am for Iustice , when did I leaue Iustice ? We knew 't was theirs , they 'had right and Title to 't . Now — LIC. You can spare 'hem nothing . P. SE. Very little , LIC. As good as nothing . P. SE. They haue bound our hands With their wise solemne act , shortned our armes . LIC. Beware those worshipfull eares , Sir , be not shortned , And you play Crop i' the fleete , if you vse this licence . P. SE. What licence , Knaue ? Informer ? LIC. I am Lickfinger , Your Cooke . P. SE. A saucy Iacke you are , that 's once ; VVhat said I , Broker ? BRO. Nothing that I heard , Sir. LIC. I know his gift , hee can be deafe when he list . P. SE. Ha' you prouided me my bushell of egges ? I did bespeake ? I doe not care how stale , Or stincking that they be ; let 'hem be rotten : For ammunition here to pelt the boyes , That breake my windowes ? LIC. Yes Sir , I ha' spar'd 'hem Out of the custard politique for you , the Maiors . P. SE. 'T is well , goe in , take hence all that excesse , Make what you can of it , your best : and when I haue friends , that I inuite at home , prouide mee Such , such , and such a dish , as I bespeake ; One at a time , no superfluitie . Or if you haue it not , returne mee money ; You know my waies . LIC. They are a little crooked . P. SE. How knaue ? LIC. Because you do indent . P. SE. 'T is true , Sir , I do indent you shall returne me money . LIC. Rather then meat , I know it : you are iust still . P. SE. I loue it still . And therefore if you spend The red-Deere pyes i' your house , or sell 'hem forth , Sir , Cast so , that I may haue their coffins all , Return'd here , and pil'd vp : I would be thought To keepe some kind of house . LIC. By the mouldie signes ? P. SE. And then remember meat for my two dogs : Fat flaps of mutton ; kidneyes ; rumps of veale ; Good plentious scraps ; my maid shall eat the reliques . LIC. VVhen you & your dogs haue din'd . A sweet reuersion . P. SE. VVho 's here ? my Courtier ? and my little Doctor ? My Muster-Master ? and what Plouer 's that They haue brought to pull ? BRO. I know not , some green Plouer . I 'le find him out . P. SE. Doe , for I know the rest , They are the Ieerers , mocking , flouting Iackes . ACT. II. SCENE . IV. FITTON . PENI-BOY . SE. ALMANACH . SHVNFIELD . MADRIGAL . LICK-FINGER . BROKER . HOw now old Money-Bawd ? w' are come — P. IV. To ieere me , As you were wont , I know you . ALM. No , to giue thee Some good security , and see Pecunia . P. SE. What is 't ? FIT. Our selues . ALM. Wee 'l be one bound for another . FIT. This noble Doctor here . ALM. This worthy Courtier . FIT. This Man o' war , he was our Muster-Master . ALM. But a Sea-Captaine now , braue Captaine Shun-field . He holds vp his nose . SHVN. You snuffe the ayre now , as the scent displeas'd you ? FIT. Thou needst not feare him man , his credit is sound , ALM. And season'd too , since he tooke salt at Sea. P. SE. I doe not loue pickl●d security , Would I had one good Fresh-man in for all ; For truth is , you three stinke . SHV. You are a Rogue , P. SE. I thinke I am , but I will lend no money On that security , Captaine . ALM. Here 's a Gentleman , A Fresh-man i' the world , one Master Madrigall . FIT. Of an vntainted credit ; what say you to him ? SHV. Hee 's gone me thinkes , where is he ? Madrigall ? Madrigall steps aside with Broker . P. SE. H' has an odde singing name , is he an Heyre ? FIT. An Heyre to a faire fortune , ALM. And full hopes : A dainty Scholler , and a pretty Poët ! P. SE. Y 'aue said enough . I ha' no money , Gentlemen , An● he goe to 't in ryme once , not a penny SHV. Why , hee 's of yeares , though he haue little beard . He snuffes againe . P. SE. His beard has time to grow . I haue no money : Let him still dable in Poetry . No Pecunia Is to be seene . ALM. Come , thou lou'st to be costiue Still i' thy curt'sie ; but I haue a pill , A golden pill to purge away this melancholly . SHV. T is nothing but his keeping o' the house here , With his two drowsie doggs . FIT. A drench of sacke At a good tauerne , and a fine fresh pullet , Would cure him . LIC. Nothing but a yong Haire in white-broth , I know his diet better then the Doctor . SHV. What Lick-finger ? mine old host of Ram-Alley ? You ha' some mer●at here . ALM. Some dosser of Fish Or Fowle to fetch of . FIT. An odde bargaine of Venison , To driue . P. SE. Will you goe in , knaue ? LIC. I must needs , You see who driues me , gentlemen . ALM. Not the diuell . FIT , Hee may be in time , hee is his Agent , now . P. SE. You are all cogging Iacks , a Couy o' wits , The Ieerers , that still call together at meales : Or rather an Airy , for you are birds of prey : Peny-boy thrusts him in . And flie at all , nothing's too bigge or high for you . And are so truely fear'd , but not belou'd One of another : as no one dares breake Company from the rest , lest they should fall , Vpon him absent . ALM. O! the onely Oracle That euer peept , or spake out of a dublet . SHV. How the rogue stinks , worse then a Fishmonger sleeues ! FIT. Or Curriers hands ! SHV. And such a perboil'd visage ! FIT. His face lookes like a Diers apron , iust ! ALM. A sodden head , and his whole braine a possit curd ! P. SE. I , now you ieere , ieere on ; I haue no money . ALM. I wonder what religion hee 's of ! FIT. No certaine species sure , A kinde of mule ! That 's halfe an Ethnicke , halfe a Christian ! P. Se. I haue no monie , gentlemen . SHV. This stocke . He has no sense of any vertue , honour , Gentrie or merit . P. Se. You say very right , My meritorious Captaine , ( as I take it ! ) Merit will keepe no house , nor pay no house rent . Will Mistresse Merit goe to mercat , thinke you ? Set on the pot , or feed the family ? Will Gentry cleare with the Butcher ? or the Baker ? Fetch in a Phessant , or a brace of Partridges , From good-wife Poulter , for my Ladies supper . FIT. See! this pure rogue ! P. Se. This rogue has money tho' , My worshipfull braue Courtier has no money . No , nor my valiant Captaine . SHV. Hang you rascall . P. Se. Nor you , my learned Doctor . I lou'd you Whil you did hold your practice , and kill tripe wiues . And kept you to your vrinall ; but since your thombes Haue greas'd the Ephemerides , casting figures , And turning ouer for your Candle-rents , And your twelue houses in the Zodiacke : With your Almutens , Alma cantaras , Troth you shall cant alone for Peny-boy . SHV. I told you what we should find him , a meere Bawd. FIT. A rogue , a cheater . P. Se. What you please , gentlemen , I am of that humble nature and condition , Neuer to minde your worships , or take notice Of what you throw away , thus . I keepe house here Like a lame Cobler , neuer out of doores , With my two dogs , my friends ; and ( as you say ) Driue a quicke pretty trade , still . I get money : And as for Titles , be they Rogue , or Rascall , Or what your worships fancy , let 'hem passe As transitory things ; they 're mine to day , And yours to morrow . ALM. Hang thee dog . SHV. Thou curre . P. Se. You see how I doe blush , and am asham'd Of these large attributes ? yet you haue no money . ALM. Well wolfe , Hyaena , you old pockie rascall , You will ha' the Hernia fall downe againe Into your Scrotum , and I shall be sent for . I will remember then , that ; and your Fistula In ano , I cur'd you of . P. Se. Thanke your dog-leech craft . They were ' holesome piles , afore you meddl'd with ' hem . ALM. What an vngratefull wretch is this ? SHV. Hee minds A curtesie no more , then London-bridge , What Arch was mended last . FIT. Hee neuer thinkes . More then a logge , of any grace at Court , A man may doe him : or that such a Lord Reach't him his hand . P. Se. O yes ! if grace would strike The brewers Tally , or my good Lords hand , Would quit the scores . But Sir , they will not doe it , Here 's a piece , my good Lord piece , doth all . Goes to the Butehers ▪ fetches in a muton , He shewes a piece . Then to the Bakers , brings in bread , makes fires , Gets wine , and does more reall Curtesies , Then all my Lords , I know : My sweet Lord peece ! You are my Lord , the rest are cogging Iacks , Vnder the Rose . SHV. Rogue , I could beat you now , P. Se. True Captaine , if you durst beat any other . I should belieue you , but indeed you are hungry ; You are not angry Captaine , if I know you Aright ; good Captaine . No , Pecunia , Is to be seene , though Mistresse Band would speake , Or little Blushet - Waxe , be ne'r so easie , I 'll stop mine eares with her , against the Syrens , Court , and Philosophy . God be wi● you , Gentlemen , Prouide you better names . Pecunia is for you . FIT. What a damn'd Harpy it is ? where 's Madrigall ? Is he sneek'd hence . SHV. Here he comes with Broker , Madrigall returnes . Pecunia's Secretary . ALM. He may doe some good With him perhaps . Where ha' you beene Madrigall ? MAD. Aboue with my Ladies women , reading verses . FIT. That was a fauour . Good morrow , Master Secretary . SHV. Good morrow , Master Vsher. ALM. Sir , by both Your worshipfull Titles , and your name Mas Broker . Good morrow . MAD. I did aske him if hee were Amphibion Broker . SHV. Why ? ALM. A creature of two natures , Because hee has two Offices . BRO. You may ieere , You ha' the wits , young Gentlemen . But your hope Of Helicon , will neuer carry it , heere , With our fat family ; we ha' the dullest , Most unboar'd Eares for verse amongst our females . I grieu'd you read so long , Sir , old Nurse Mortgage , Shee snoar'd i' the Chaire , and Statute ( if you mark'd her ) Fell fast a sleepe , and Mistresse Band , shee nodded , But not with any consent to what you read . They must haue somwhat else to chinke , then rymes . If you could make an Epitaph on your Land , ( Imagine it on departure ) such a Poem Would wake 'hem ▪ and bring Waxe to her true temper . MAD. I faith Sir , and I will try . BRO. 'T is but earth , Fit to make brickes and tyles of . SHV. Pocks vpon 't 'T is but for pots , or pipkins at the best . If it would keepe vs in good tabacco pipes , BRO. 'T were worth keeping . FIT. Or in porc lane dishes There were some hope . ALM. But this is a hungry soile , And must be helpt . FIT. Who would hold any Land To haue the trouble to marle it . SHV. Not a gentleman . BRO. Let clownes and hyndes affect it , that loue ploughes , And carts , and harrowes , and are busie still , In vexing the dull element . ALM. Our sweete Songster Shall rarifie 't into ayre . FIT. And you Mas. Broker Shall haue a feeling . BRO. So it supple , Sir , The nerues . MAD. O! it shall be palpable , Make thee runne thorow a hoope , or a thombe-ring , The nose of a tabacco pipe , and draw Thy ductile bones out , like a knitting needle , To serue my subtill turnes . BRO. I shall obey , Sir , And run a thred , like an houre-glasse . P. S● . Where is Broker ? Are not these flies gone yet ? pray' quit my house , I 'le smoake you out else . FIT. O! the Prodigall ! Will you be at so much charge with vs , and losse ? MAD. I haue heard you ha' offered Sir , to lock vp smoake , And cauke your windores , spar up all your doores , Thinking to keepe it a close prisoner wi' you , And wept , when it went out , Sir , at your chimney . FIT. And yet his eyes were dryer then a pummise . SHV. A wretched rascall , that will binde about The nose of his bellowes , lest the wind get out When hee 's abroad . ALM. Sweepes downe no cobwebs here , But sells 'hem for cut-fingers . And the spiders , As creatures rear'd of dust , and cost him nothing , To fat old Ladies monkeyes . FIT. Hee has offer●d To gather vp spilt water , and preserue Each haire falls from him to stop balls with all . SHV. A slaue , and an Idolater to Pecunia ! P. SE. You all haue happy memories , Gentlemen , In rocking my poore cradle . I remember too , When you had lands , and credit , worship , friends , I , and could giue security : now , you haue none , Or will haue none right shortly . This can time , And the vicissitude of things . I haue All these . and money too , and doe possesse 'hem , And am right heartily glad of all our memories , And both the changes . FIT. Let vs leaue the viper . P. SE. Hee 's glad he is rid of his torture , and so soone . Broker , come hither , vp , and tell your Lady , Shee must be readie presently , and Statute , Band , Mortgage , VVax . My prodigall young kinsman Will streight be here to see her ; ' top of our house , The flourishing , and flanting Peny-boy . Wee were but three of vs in all the world , My brother Francis , whom they call'd Franck Peny-boy , Father to this : hee 's dead . This Peny-boy , Is now the heire ! I , Richer Peny-boy , Not Richard , but old Harry Peny-boy , And ( to make rime ) close , wary Peny-boy I shall haue all at last , my hopes doe tell me . Goe , see all ready ; and where my dogs haue falted , Remoue it with a broome , and sweeten all VVith a slice of iuniper , not too much , but sparing , VVe may be faultie our selues else , and turne prodigall , In entertaining of the Prodigall . Here hee is ! and with him — what ! a Clapper Dudgeon ! That 's a good signe ; to haue the begger follow him , So neere at his first entry into fortune . ACT. II. SCENE . V. PENY-BOY . IV. PENI-BOY . SEN. PICLOCK . CANTER . ) BROKER . PECVNIA . STATVTE . BAND . WAX. MORTGAGE . hid in the study . HOw now old Vncle ? I am come to see thee . And the braue Lady , here , the daughter of Ophir , They say thou keepst . P. SE. Sweet Nephew , if she were The daughter o' the Sunne , shee 's at your seruice , And so am I , and the whole family , Worshipfull Nephew . P. IV. Sai'st thou so , deare Vncle ? Welcome my friends then : Here is , Domine Picklocke : My man o' Law , sollicits all my causes . Followes my businesse , makes , and compounds my quarrells , Betweene my tenants and mee , sowes all my strifes , And reapes them too , troubles the country for mee , And vexes any neighbour , that I please . P. SE. But with commission ? P. IV. Vnder my hand & seale . P. Se. A worshipfull place ! PIC. I thanke his worship for it . P. SE. But what is this old Gentleman ? P. CA. A Rogue , A very Canter , I Sir , one that maunds Vpon the Pad , wee should be brothers though : For you are neere as wretched as my selfe , You dare not vse your money , and I haue none . P. SE. Not vse my money , cogging Iacke , who vses it At better rates ? le ts it for more i' the hundred , Then I doe , Sirrah ? P. IV. Be not angry vncle . P. SE. What ? to disgrace me , with my Queene ? as if I did not know her valew . P. CA. Sir , I meant You durst not to enioy it . P. SE. Hold your peace , Young Peny-boy is angyry . You are a Iacke . P. SE. Vncle , he shall be a Iohn , And , you goe to that , as good a man as you are . An' I can make him so , a better man , Perhaps I will too . Come , let vs goe . P. SE. Nay , kinsman , My worshipfull kinsman ; and the top of our house ; Doe not your penitent vncle that affront , For a rash word , to leaue his ioyfull threshold , Before you see the Lady that you long for . The Venus of the time , and state , Pecunia ! I doe perceiue , your bounty loues the man , 〈…〉 concealed vertue , that he hides Vnder th●se ●ags . P. CA. I owe my happinesse to him , ●qord● waiting on his worship , since I brought him 〈…〉 , welcome to all young heires . P. IV. Thou didst indeed , for which I thanke thee yet , Your 〈◊〉 Princesse , Vncle , is long a comming . P. CA. She is not rigg'd , Sir , setting forth some Lady , ●ill cost as much as furnishing a Fleete , 〈◊〉 she 's come at last , and like a Galley 〈◊〉 i' the prow . P. IV. Is this Pecunia ? P. S● . Vouchsafe my toward kinsman , gracious Madame , The sauour of your hand . PEC. Nay , of my lips , Sir , To him . P. IV. She kisses like a mortall creature , Almighty Mad●●e , I haue long'd to see you . PEC. And I haue my desire , Sir , to behold That youth , and shape , which in my dreames and wakes ▪ I haue so oft contemplated , and felt Warme in my v●ynes , and natiue as my blood . When I was told of your arriuall here , I felt my heart beat , as it would leape out , In speach ; and all my face it was a flame , But how it came to passe I doe not know . P. I● . O! beauty loues to be more proud then nature , That made you blush . I cannot satisfie My curious eyes , by which alone I 'am happy , In my beholding you . P. CA. They passe the complement Prettily well . PIC. I , he does kisse her , I like him . P. IV. My passion was cleare contrary , and doubtfull , He kisseth her . I shooke for feare , and yet I danc'd for ioy , I had such motions as the Sunne-beames make Against a wall , or playing on a water , Or trembling vapour of a boyling pot — P. SE. That 's not so good , it should ha' bin a Crucible , With molten mettall , she had vnderstood it . P. IV. I cannot talke , but I can loue you , Madame . Are these your Gentlewomen ? I loue them too . And which is mistresse Statute ? Mistresse Band ▪ They all kisse close , the last stucke to my lips . B●O. It was my Ladies Chamber-maid , soft - Waxe . P. IV. Soft lips she has , I am sure on 't . Mother Mortgage , I' lowe a kisse ▪ till she be yonger , Statute , Sweet Mistresse Band , and honey , little VVaxe , We must be better acquainted . STA. We are but seruants , Sir. BAND . But whom her Grace is so content to grace , We shall obserue . WAX. Aand with all fit respect . MOR. In our poore places . WAX. Being her Graces shadowes . P. IV. A fine well-spoken family . What 's thy name ? BRO. Broker . P. IV. Me thinks my vncle should not need thee , Who is a crafty Knaue , enough , beleeue it . Art thou her Graces Steward ? BRO. No , her Vsher , Sir. P. IV. What , o' the Hall ? thou hast a sweeping face , Thy beard is like a broome . BRO. No barren chin , Sir , I am no Eunuch , though a Gentleman-Vsher . P. IV. Thou shalt goe with vs. Vncle , I must haue My Princesse forth to day . P. SE. Whither you please , Sir , You shall command her . PEC. I will doe all grace To my new seruant . P. SE. Thanks vnto your bounty ; He is my Nephew , and my Chiefe , the Point , Tip , Top , and Tuft of all our family ! But , Sir , condition'd alwaies , you returne Statute , and Band home , with my sweet , soft Waxe , And my good Nurse , here , Mortgage . P. IV. O! what else ? P. SE. By Broker . P. IV. Do not feare . P. SE. She shall go wi' you , Whither you please , Sir , any where . P. CA. I see A Money-Bawd , is lightly a Flesh-Bawd , too . PIC. Are you aduis●d ? Now o' my faith , this Canter Would make a good graue Burgesse in some Barne . P. IV. Come , thou shalt go with vs , vncle . P. CA. By no means , Sir. P. IV. We 'll haue both Sack , and Fidlers . P. SE. I 'll not draw That charge vpon your worship . P. CA. He speakes modestly , And like an Vncle , P. SE. But Mas Broker , here , He shall attend you , Nephew ; her Graces Vsher , And what you fancy to bestow on him , Be not too lauish , vse a temperate bounty , I 'll take it to my selfe . P. IV. I will be princely , While I possesse my Princesse , my Pecunia . P. SE. Where is 't you eat ? P. IV. Hard by , at Picklocks lodging . Old Lickfinger 's the Cooke , here in Ram-Alley . P. SE. He has good cheare ; perhaps I 'll come and see you . P. CAN. O , fie ! an Alley , and a Cooks-shop , grosse , The Canter takes him aside , and perswades him , 'T will sauour , Sir , most rankly of 'hem both . Let your meat rather follow you , to a tauerne . PIC. A tauern 's as vnfit too , for a Princesse . P. CA. No , I haue knowne a Princesse , and a great one , Come forth of a tauerne . PIC. Not goe in , Sir , though . P. CA. She must goe in , if she came forth : the blessed Pokahontas ( as the Historian calls her And great Kings daughters of Virginia ) Hath bin in womb of a tauerne ; and besides , Your nasty Vncle will spoyle all your mirth , And be as noysome . PIC. That 's true . P. CA. No 'faith , Dine in Apollo with Pecunia , At braue Duke Wadloos , haue your friends about you , And make a day on 't . P. IV. Content 'ifaith : Our meat shall be brought thither . Simon the King , Will bid vs welcome . PIC. Patron , I haue a suite . P. IV. What 's that ? PIC. That you will carry the Infanta , To see the Staple ' , her Grace will be a grace , To all the members of it . P. IV. I will doe it : And haue her Armes set vp there , with her Titles , Aurelia Clara Pecunia , the Infanta . And in Apollo . Come ( sweete Princesse ) goe . P. SE. Broker , be careful of your charge . BRO. I warrant you . The second Intermeane after the second Act. CENSVRE . Why , this is duller and duller ! intolerable ! scuruy ! neither Diuel nor Foole in this Play ! pray God , some on vs be not a witch , Gossip , to forespeake the matter thus . MIRTH. I feare we are all such , and we were old enough : But we are not all old enough to make one witch . How like you the Vice i' the Play. EXPECTATION . Which is he ? MIR. Three or foure : old Couetousnesse , the sordid Peny-boy , the Money-bawd , who is a flesh-bawd too , they say . TATLE. But here is neuer a Fiend to carry him away . Besides , he has neuer a wooden dagger ! I 'ld not giue a rush for a Vice , that has not a wooden dagger to snap at euery body he meetes . MIRTH. That was the old way , Gossip , when Iniquity came in like Hokos Pokos , in a Iuglers ierkin , with false skirts ▪ like the Knaue of Clubs ! but now they are attir'd like men and women o' the time , the Vices , male and female ! Prodigality like a young heyre , and his Mistresse Money ( whose fauours he scatters like counters ) prank't vp like a prime Lady , the Infanta of the Mines . CEN. I , therein they abuse an honorable Princesse , it is thought . MIRTH. By whom is it so thought ? or where lies the abuse ? CEN. Plaine in the stiling her Infanta , and giuing her three names . MIRTH. Take heed , it lie not in the vice of your interpretation : what haue Aurelia , Clara , Pecunia to do with any person ? do they any more , but expresse the property of Money , which is the daughter of earth , and drawne out of the Mines ? Is there nothing to be call'd Infanta , but what is subiect to exception ? Why not the Infanta of the Beggers ? or Infanta o' the Gipsies ? as well as King of Beggers , and King of Gipsies ? CEN. Well , and there were no wiser then I , I would sow him in a sack , and send him by sea to his Princesse . MIRT. Faith , and hee heard you Censure , he would goe neere to sticke the Asses eares to your high dressing , and perhaps to all ours for harkening to you . TATLE. By 'r Lady but he should not to mine , I would harken , and harken , and censure , if I saw cause , for th' other Princesse sake Pokahontas , surnam'd the blessed , whom hee has abus'd indeed ( and I doe censure him , and will censure him ) to say she came foorth of a Tauerne , was said like a paltry Poet. MIRTH. That 's but one Gossips opinion , and my Gossip Tatle's too ! but what saies Expectation , here , she sits sullen and silent . EXP. Troth I expect their Office , their great Office ! the Staple , what it will be ! they haue talk't on 't , but wee see 't not open yet ; would Butter would come in , and spread it-selfe a little to vs. MIRTH. Or the butter-box , Buz , the Emissary . TATLE. When it is churn'd , and dish't , we shall heare of it . EXP. If it be fresh and sweet butter ; but say it be sower and wheyish . MIR. Then it is worth nothing , meere pot - butter , fit to be spent in suppositories , or greasing coach-wheeles , stale stinking butter , and such I feare it is , by the being barrell'd vp so long . EXPECTATION . Or ranke Irish butter . CEN. Haue patience Gossips , say that contrary to our expectations it proue right , seasonable , salt butter . MIR. Or to the time of yeer , in Lent , delicate Almond butter ! I haue a sweet tooth yet , and I will hope the best ; and sit downe as quiet , and calme as butter ; looke as smooth , and soft as butter ; be merry , and melt like butter ; laugh and be fat like butter : so butter answer my expectation , and be not mad butter ; If it be : It shall both Iuly and December see . I say no more , But — Dixi. TO THE READERS . IN this following Act , the Office is open'd , and shew'n to the Prodigall , and his Princesse Pecunia , wherein the allegory , and purpose of the Author hath hitherto beene wholly mistaken , and so sinister an interpretation beene made , as if the soules of most of the Spectators had liu'd in the eyes and eares of these ridiculous Gossips that tattle betweene the Acts. But hee prayes you thus to mend it . To consider the Newes here vented , to be none of his Newes , or any reasonable mans ; but Newes made like the times Newes , ( a weekly cheat to draw mony ) and could not be fitter reprehended , then in raising this ridiculous Office of the Staple , wherin the age may see her owne folly , or hunger and thirst after publish'd pamphlets of Newes , set out euery Saturday , but made all at home , & no syllable of truth in them : then which there cannot be a greater disease in nature , or a fouler scorne put vpon the times . And so apprehending it , you shall doe the Author , and your owne iudgement a courtesie , and perceiue the tricke of alluring money to the Office , and there cooz'ning the people . If you haue the truth , rest quiet , and consider that Ficta , voluptatis causa , sint proxima veris. ACT. III. SCENE . I. FITTON . CYMBAL , to them PICKLOCKE . REGISTER . CLERKE . THO : BARBER . YOu hunt vpon a wrong scent still , and thinke The ayre of things will carry 'hem , but it must Be reason and proportion , not fine sounds , My cousin Cymball , must get you this Lady . You haue entertain'd a petty-fogger here , Picklocke , with trust of an Emissartes place , And he is , all , for the young Prodigall , You see he has left vs. CYM. Come , you doe not know him , That speake thus of him . He will haue a tricke , To open vs a gap ▪ by a trap-doore , When they least dreame on 't . Here he comes . What newes ? PICK. Where is my brother Buz ? my brother Ambler : The Register , Examiner , and the Clerkes ? Appeare , and let vs muster all in pompe , For here will be the rich Infanta , presently , To make her visit . Peny-boy the heyre , My Patron , has got leaue for her to play With all her traine , of the old churle , her Guardian . Now is your time to make all court vnto her ; That she may first but know , then loue the place , And shew it by her frequent visits here : And afterwards , get her to soiourne with you . She will be weary of the Prodigall , quickly . CYM. Excellent newes ! FIT. And counsell of an Oracle ! CYM. How say you cousin Fitton ? FIT. brother Picklock , I shall adore thee , for this parcell of tidings , It will cry vp the credit of our Office , Eternally , and make our Staple immortall ! PICK. Looke your addresses , then , be faire and fit , And entertaine her , and her creatures , too , With all the migniar dise , and quaint Caresses , You can put on ' hem . FIT. Thou seem'st , by thy language , No lesse a Courtier , then a man o' Law. I must embrace thee . PIC. Tut , I am Vertumnus , On euery change , or chance , vpon occasion , A true Chamaelion , I can colour for 't . I moue vpon my axell , like a turne-pike . Fit my face to the parties , and become Streight , one of them . CYM. Sirs , vp , into your Desks , And spread the rolls vpon the Table , so . Is the Examiner set ? REG. Yes , Sir. CYM. Ambler , and Buz , Are both abroad , now . PIC. Wee 'll sustaine their parts . No matter , let them ply the affayres without , Fitton puts on the office cloake , and Cymbal the gowne . Let vs alone within , I like that well . On with the cloake , and you with the Staple gowne , And keep your state , stoupe only to the Infanta ; We 'll haue a flight at Mortgage , Statute , Band , And hard , but we 'll bring Wax vnto the retriue : Each know his seuerall prouince , and discharge it . FIT. Fitton is brought abent . I do admire this nimble ingine , Picklock . CYM. Cuz , What did I say ? FIT. You haue rectified my errour ! ACT. III. SCENE . II. PENI-BOY . IV. P. CANTER . PECVNIA . STATVTE . BAND . MORTGAGE . WAX. BROKER . CVSTOMERS . BY your leaue , Gentlemen , what newes ? good , good still ? I' your new Office ? Princesse , here 's the Staple ! This is the Gouernor , kisse him , noble Princesse , For my sake . Thom , how is it honest Thom ? How does thy place , and thou ? my Creature , Princesse ? This is my Creature , giue him your hand to kisse , He was my Barber , now he writes Clericus ! I bought this place for him , and gaue it him . P. CA. He should haue spoke of that , Sir , and not you : Two doe not doe one Office well . P. IV. 'T is true , But I am loth to lose my curtesies . P. CA. So are all they , that doe them , to vaine ends , And yet you do lose , when you pay you selues . P. IV. No more o' your sentences , Canter , they are stale , We come for newes , remember where you are . I pray thee let my Princesse heare some newes , Good Master Cymbal . CYM. What newes would she heare ? Or of what kind , Sir ? P. IV. Any , any kind . So it be newes , the newest that thou hast , Some newes of State , for a Princesse . CYM. Read from Rome , there . THO. They write , the King of Spaine is chosen Pope . P. IV. How ? THO. And Emperor too , the thirtieth of February . P. IV. Is the Emperor dead ? CYM. No , but he has resign'd , And trailes a pike now , vnder Tilly. FIT. For pennance . P. IV. These will beget strange turnes in Christendome ! THO. And Spinola is made Generall of the Iesuits . P. IV. Stranger ! FIT , Sir , all are alike true , and certaine . CYM. All the pretence to the fifth Monarchy , Was held but vaine , vntill the ecclesiastique , And secular powers , were vnited , thus , Both in one person . FIT. 'T has bin long the ayme Of the house of Austria . CYM. See but Maximilian , His letters to the Baron of Bouttersheim , Or Scheiter-huyssen . FIT. No , of Liechtenstein , Lord Paul , I thinke . P. IV. I haue heard of some such thing . Don Spinola made Generall of the Iesuits ! A Priest ! CYM. O , no , he is dispenc'd with all , And the whole society , who doe now appeare The onely Enginers of Christendome . P. IV. They haue bin thought so long , and rightly too . FIT. Witnesse the Engine , that they haue presented him , To winde himselfe with , vp , into the Moone : And thence make all his discoueries ! CYM. Read on . THO. And Vittellesco , he that was last Generall , Being now turn'd Cooke to the society , Has drest his excellence , such a dish of egges — P. IV. What potch'd ? THO. No , powder'd . CYM. All the yolke is wilde fire , As he shall need beleaguer no more townes , But throw his Egge in . FIT. It shall cleare consume , Palace , and place ; demolish and beare downe , All strengths before it ! CYM. Neuer be extinguish'd ! Till all become one ruine ! F● . And from Florence , THO. They write was found in Galileos study , A burning Glasse ( which they haue sent him too ) To fire any Fleet that 's out at Sea — CYM. By Mooneshine , is 't not so ? THO. Yes , Sir , i' the water . P. IV. His strengths will be vnresistable , if this hold ! Ha'you no Newes against him , on the contrary ? CLA. Yes , Sit , they write here , one Cornelius - 〈◊〉 , Hath made the Hollanders an inuisible Ecle , To swimme the hauen at Dunk●●ke , and sinke all The shipping there . P. IV. Why ha●not you this , Thom ? 〈◊〉 . Because he keeps the Pontificiall side . P. IV. How , change sides , Thom. 'T was neuer in my thought To put thee vp against our selues . Come downe , Quickly . CYM. Why , Sir ? P. IV. I venter'd not my mony Vpon those termes : If he may change ; why so . I 'll ha him keepe his owne side , sure . FIT , Why , let him , 'T is but writing so much ouer againe . P. IV. For that I 'll beare the charge : There 's two Pieces , FIT. Come , do not stick with the gentleman . CYM. I 'l take none Sir ▪ And yet he shall ha' the place . P. IV. They shall be 〈…〉 , Vp , Thom : and th' Office shall take ' hem . Keep your side , Thom. Know your owne side , doe not forsake your side , Thom. CYM. Read. THO. They write here one Cornelius - 〈◊〉 , Hath made the Hollanders an inuisible Ecle , To swimme the Hauen at Dunkirke , and sinke all The shipping there . P. IV. But how is 't done ? CYM. I 'll shew you Sir It is an A●toma , runnes vnder water , With a s●●g nose , and has a nimble taile Made like an anger , with which taile she wrigles Betwixt the coasts of a Ship , and sinkes it streight . P. IV. Whence ha'you this newes . FIT. From a right hand I assure you , The Ecle-boats here , that lye before Queen-Hyth , Came out of Holland . P. IV. A most braue deuice , To murder their flat bottomes . FIT. I doe grant you ▪ But what if Spinola haue a new Proiect : To bring an army ouer in corke-shooes , And land them , here , at Harwich ? all his horse Are shod with corke , and fourescore pieces of ordinance , Mounted vpon cork-carriages , with bladders , In stead of wheeles to runne the passage ouer At a spring-tide . P. IV. Is 't true ? FIT. As true as the rest ▪ P. IV. He 'll neuer leaue his engines : I would heare now Some curious newes . CYM. As what ? P. IV. Magick , or 〈◊〉 Or flying i' the ayre , I care not what . CLA. They write from Libtzig ( reuerence to your 〈◊〉 ) The Art of drawing farts out of dead bodies , Is by the Brotherhood of the Rosie Crosse , Produc'd vnto perfection , in so sweet And rich a tincture — FIT. As there is no Princesse , But may perfume her chamber with th' extraction . P. IV. There 's for you , Princesse . P. CA. What , a fart for her ? P. IV. I meane the spirit . P. CA. Beware how she r●sents it . P. IV. And what hast thou , Thom ? THO. The perpetuall Motion ▪ Is here found out by an Alewife in Saint Katherines , At the signe o' the dancing Beares ▪ P. IV. What , from her tap ? I 'll goe see that , or else I 'll send old Canter . He can make that discouery . P. CA. Yes , in Ale. P. IV. Let me haue all this Newes , made vp , and seal'd ▪ REG. The people presse vpon vs , please you , Sir , The Register offers him a roome . Withdraw with your faire Princesse . There 's a roome Within , Sir , to retyre too . P. IV. No , good Register , We 'll stand it out here , and obserue your Office ; What Newes it issues . REG. 'T is the house of fame , Sir , Where both the curious , and the negligent ; The scrupulous , and carelesse ; wilde , and stay'd ; The idle , and laborious ; all doe meet , To tast the Cornu copiae of her rumors , Which she , the mother of sport ▪ pleaseth to scatter Among the vulgar : Baites , Sir , for the people ! And they will bite like fishes . P. IV. Let 's see 't . DOP. Ha'you in your prophane Shop , any Newes O' the Saints at Amsterdam ? REG. Yes , how much would you ? DOP. Six peny worth . REG. Lay your mony down , read , Thomas . THO. The Saints do write , they expect a Prophet , shortly , The Prophet Baal , to be sent ouer to them , To calculate a time , and halfe a time , And the whole time , according to Naömetry . P. IV. What 's that ? THO. The measuring o' the Temple : a Cabal Found out but lately , and set out by Archie , Or some such head , of whose long coat they haue heard , And being black , desire it . DOP. Peace be with them ! REG ▪ So there had need , for they are still by the eares One with another . DOP. It is their zeale . REG. Most likely . DOP. Haue you no other of that species ? REG. Yes , But dearer , it will cost you a shilling . DOP. Verily , There is a nine-pence , I will shed no more . REG. Not , to the good o' the Saints ? DOP. I am not sure , That , man is good . REG. Read , from Constantinople , Nine penny'orth . THO. They giue out here , the grand Signior Is certainely turn'd Christian , and to cleare The controuersie'twixt the Pope and him , Which is the Antichrist ; he meanes to visit The Church at Amsterdam , this very Sommer , And quit all marks o' the beast . DOP. Now ioyfull tydings . Who brought in this ? Which Emissary ? REG. Buz. Your countrey-man . DOP. Now , blessed be the man , And his whole Family , with the Nation . REG. Yes , for Amboyna , and the Iustice there ! This is a Doper , a she Anabaptist ! Seale and deliuer her her newes , dispatch . C. 2. Ha'you any newes from the Indies ? any mirac● Done in Iapan , by the Iesuites ? or in China ? CLA. No , but we heare of a Colony of cookes To be set a shore o' the coast of America , For the conuersion of the Caniballs , And making them good , eating Christians . Here comes the Colonell that vndertakes it . C. 2. Who ? captaine Lickfinger ? LIC. Newes , newes my boyes ! I am to furnish a great feast to day , And I would haue what newes the Office affords . CLA. We were venting some of you , of your new proiect , REG. Afore 't was paid for , you were somewhat too hasty . P. IV. What Lickfinger ! wilt thou conuert the Caniballs , With spit and pan Diuinity ? LIC. Sir , for that I will not vrge , but for the fire and zeale To the true cause ; thus I haue vndertaken : With two Lay-brethren , to my selfe , no more , One o' the broach , th' other o' the boyler , In one sixe months , and by plaine cookery , No magick to 't , but old Iap●ets physicke , The father of the Europaean Arts , To make such sauces for the Sauages , And cookes their meats , with those inticing steemes , As it would make our Caniball-Christians , Forbeare the mutuall eating one another , Which they doe doe , more cunningly , then the wilde Anthropophagi ; that snatch onely strangers , Like my old Patrons dogs , there . P. IV. O , my Vncles ! Is dinner ready , Lickfinger ? LIC. When you please , Sir. I was bespeaking but a parcell of newes , To strew out the long meale withall , but 't seemes You are furnish'd here already . P. IV. O , not halfe ! LIC. What Court-newes is there ? any Proclamations , Or Edicts to come forth . THO. Yes , there is one . That the Kings Barber has got , for aid of our trade : Whereof there is a manifest decay . A Precept for the wearing of long haire , To runne to seed , to sow bald pates withall , And the preseruing fruitfull heads , and chins , To help a mistery , almost antiquated . Such as are bald and barren beyond hope , Are to be separated , and set by For Vshers , to old Countesses . LIC. And Coachmen . To mount their boxes , reuerently , and driue , Like Lapwings , with a shell vpo ' their heads . Thorow the streets . Ha'you no Newes o the St●ge ? They 'll aske me about new Playes , at dinner time . And I should be as dumbe as a fish . THO. O! yes . There is a Legacy left to the Kings Players , Both for their various shifting of their Scene , And dext'rous change o' their persons to all shapes , And all disguises : by the right reuerend Archbishop of Spalato . LIC. He is dead , That plai'd him ! THO. Then , h' has lost his share o' the Legacy . LIC. What newes of Gundomar ? THO. A second Fistula , Or an excoriation ( at the least ) For putting the poore English-play , was writ of him , To such a sordid vse , as ( is said ) he did , Of cleansing his posterior's . LIC. Iustice ! Iustice ! THO. Since when , he liues condemn'd to his share , at Bruxels . And there sits filing certaine politique hinges , To hang the States on , h' has heau'd off the hookes . LIC. What must you haue for these ? P. IV. Thou shalt pay nothing , But reckon 'hem in i' the bill . There 's twenty pieces , Her Grace bestowes vpon the Office , Thom , Hee giues 20. pieces , to the Office . Doubles it . Write thou that downe for Newes . REG. We may well do 't , We haue not many such . P. IV. There 's twenty more , If you say so ; my Prin●cesse is a Princesse ! And put that too , vnder the Office Seale . CYM. If it will please your Grace to soiourne here , Cymbal takes Pecunia aside , courts and wooes her , to the Office. And take my roofe for couert , you shall know The rites belonging to your blood , and birth , Which few can apprehend : these sordid seruants , Which rather are your keepers , then attendants , Should not come neere your presence . I would haue You waited on by Ladies , and your traine Borne vp by persons of quality , and honour , Your meat should be seru'd in with curious dances , And set vpon the boord , with virgin hands , Tun'd to their voices ; not a dish remou'd , But to the Musicke , nor a drop of wine , Mixt , with his water , without Harmony , PEC. You are a Courtier , Sir , or somewhat more ; That haue this tempting language ! CYM. I 'm your seruant , Exellent Princesse , and would ha'you appeare That , which you are . Come forth State , and wonder , Of these our times , dazle the vulgar eyes . And strike the people blind with admiration . P. CAN. Why , that 's the end of wealth ! thrust riches outward , And remaine beggers within : contemplate nothing But the vile sordid things of time , place , money , And let the noble , and the precious goe , Vertue and honesty ; hang 'hem ; poore thinne membranes Of honour ; who respects them ? O , the Fates ! How hath all iust , true reputation fall'n , Fitton hath beene courting the waiting-women , this while , and is ieered by them . Since money , this base money 'gan to haue any ! BAN. Pitty , the Gentleman is not immortall . WAX. As he giues out , the place is , by description . FIT. A very Paradise , if you saw all , Lady . WAX. I am the Chamber-maid , Sir , you mistake , My Lady may see all . FIT. Sweet Mistresse Statute , gentle Mistresse Band , And Mother Mortgage , doe but get her Grace To soiourne here . — PIC. I thanke you gentle Waxe , MOR. If it were a Chattell , I would try my credit . PIC. So it is , for terme of life , we count it so . STA. She meanes , Inheritance to him , and his heyres ▪ Or that he could assure a State , of yeeres : I 'll be his Statute-Staple , Statute-Merchant , Or what he please . PIC. He can expect no more . BAN. His cousin Alderman Security , That he did talke of so , e'en now — STA. Who , is The very broch o' the bench , gem o' the City . BAN. He and his Deputy , but assure his life For one seuen yeeres . STA. And see what we 'll doe for him , Vpon his scarlet motion . BAN. And old Chaine , That drawes the city-eares . WAX. When he sayes nothing , But twirles it thus . STA. A mouing Oratory ! BAN. Dumb Rethoricke , and silent eloquence ! As the fine Poet saies ! FIT. Come , they all scorne vs , Doe you not see 't ? the family of scorne ! BRO. Doe not belieue him ! gentle Master Picklocke , They vnderstood you not : the Gentlewomen , They thought you would ha'my Lady soiourne , with you , And you desire but now and then , a visit ? PIC. Yes , if she pleas'd , Sir , it would much aduance Vnto the Office , her continuall residence ! ( I speake but as a member ) BRO. 'T is inough . I apprehend you . And it shall goe hard , But I 'll so worke , as some body shall worke her ! PIC. 'pray you change with our Master , but a word about it . P. IV. Well , Lickfinger , see that our meat be ready , Thou hast Newes inough . LIC. Something of Bethlem Gabor , And then I 'm gone . THO. We heare he has deuis'd A Drumme , to fill all Christendome with the sound : But that he cannot drawe his forces neere it , To march yet , for the violence of the noise . And therefore he is faine by a designe , To carry 'hem in the ayre , and at some distance , Till he be married , then they shall appeare . LIC. Or neuer ; well , God b'wi'you ( stay , who 's here ? ) A little of the Duke of Bauier , and then — CLA. H●has taken a gray habit , and is turn'd The Churches Millar , grinds the catholique grist With euery wind : and Tilly takes the toll . CVS. 4. Ha'you any newes o' the Pageants to send downe ? Into the seuerall Counties . All the countrey Expected from the city most braue speeches ▪ Now , at the Coronation . LIC. It expected More then it vnderstood : for , they stand mute , Poore innocent dumb things ; they are but wood . As is the bench and blocks , they were wrought on , yet If May-day come , and the Sunne shine , perhaps , They 'll sing like Memnons Statue , and be vocall . CVS. 5. Ha'you any Forest-newes ? THO. None very wild , Sir , Some tame there is , out o' the Forrest of fooles , A new Parke is a making there , to seuer Cuckolds of Antler , from the Rascalls . Such , Whose wiues are dead , and haue since cast their heads , Shall remaine Cuckolds-pollard . LIC. I 'll ha'that newes . CVS. 1. And I. 2. And I. 3. And I. 4. And I. 5. And I. CYM. Sir , I desire to be excus'd ; and , Madame : I cannot leaue my Office , the first day . My Cousin Fitton here , shall wait vpon you . And Emissary Picklocke . P. IV. And Thom : Clericus ? CYM. I cannot spare him yet , but he shall follow you , When they haue ordered the Rolls . Shut vp th' Office , When you ha' done , till two a clocke . ACT. III. SCENE . III. SHVNFIELD . ALMANACK . MADRIGAL . CLERKES . BY your leaue , Clerkes , Where shall we dine to day ? doe you know ? the Ieerers . ALM. Where 's my fellow Fitton ? THO. New gone forth . SHV. Cannot your Office tell vs , what braue fellowes Doe eat together to day , in towne , and where ? THO. Yes , there 's a Gentleman , the braue heire , yong Peny-boy , Dines in Apollo . MAD. Come , let 's thither then , I ha' supt in Apollo ! ALM. With the Muses ? MAD. No , But with two Gentlewomen , call'd , the Graces ▪ ALM. They ' were euer three in Poetry . MAD. This was truth , Sir. THO. Sir , Master Fitton 's there too ! SHV. All the better ! ALM. We may haue a ieere , perhaps . SHV. Yes , you 'll drink , Doctor . ( If there be any good meat ) as much good wine now , As would lay vp a Dutch Ambassador . THO. If he dine there , he 's sure to haue good meat , For , Lickfinger prouides the dinner . ALM. Who ? The glory o' the Kitchin ? that holds Cookery , A trade from Adam ? quotes his broths ▪ and sallads ? And sweares he 's not dead yet , but translated In some immortall crust , the past of Almonds ? MAD. The same . He holds no man can be a Poet , That is not a good Cooke , to know the palats , And seuerall tastes o' the time . He drawes all Arts Out of the Kitchin , but the Art of Poetry , which he concludes the same with Cookery . SHV. Tut , he maintaines more heresies then that . He 'll draw the Magisterium from a minc'd-pye , And preferre Iellies , to your Iulips , Doctor ▪ ALM. I was at an Olla Podrida of his making , Was a braue piece of cookery ! at a funerall ! But opening the pot-lid , he made vs laugh , who 'had wept all day ! and sent vs such a tickling Into our nostrills , as the funerall feast Had bin a wedding-dinner . SHV. Gi 'him allowance , And that but moderate , he will make a Syren Sing i' the Kettle , send in an Arion , In a braue broth , and of a watry greene , Iust the Sea-colour , mounted on the backe Of a growne Cunger , but , in such a posture , As all the world would take him for a Dolphin . MAD. Hee 's a rare fellow , without question ! but He holds some Paradoxes . ALM. I , and Pseudodoxes . Mary , for most , he 's Orthodox i' the Kitchin. MAD. And knowes the Clergies tast ! ALM. I , and the Layties ! SHV. You thinke not o' your time , we 'll come too late , If we go not presently . MAD. Away then . SHV. Sirs , You must get o'th is newes , to store your Office , VVho dines and sups i' the towne ? where , and with whom ? 'T will be beneficiall : when you are stor'd ; And as we like our fare , we shall reward you . CLA. A hungry trade , 't will be . THO. Much like D. Humphries , But , now and then , as th' holesome prouerb saies , 'T will obsonare samem ambulando . CLA. Shut vp the Office : gentle brother Thomas . THO. Brother , Nathaniel , I ha' the wine for you . I hope to see vs , one day , Emissaries . CLA. Why not ? S'lid , I despaire not to be Master ! ACT. III. SCENE . IV. PENI-BOY . SE. BROKER . CYMBAL . HOw now ? I thinke I was borne vnder Hercules starre ! Nothing but trouble and tumult to oppresse me ? He is started with Broker's comming back . Why come you backe ? where is your charge ? BRO. I ha' brought A Gentleman to speake with you ? P. SE. To speake with me ? You know 't is death for me to speake with any man. What is he ? set me a chaire . BRO. He 's the Master Of the great Office. P. SE. What ? BRO. The Staple of Newes , A mighty thing , they talke Six thousand a yeere . P. SE. Well bring your sixe in . Where ha' you left Pecunia ? BRO. Sir , in Apollo , they are scarce set . P. SE. Bring sixe . BRO. Here is the Gentleman . P. SE. He must pardon me , I cannot rise , a diseas'd man. CYM. By no meanes , Sir , Respect your health , and ease . P. SE. It is no pride in me ! But paine , paine ; what 's your errand , Sir , to me ? Hee sends Broker backe . Broker , returne to your charge , be Argus-eyed , Awake , to the affaire you haue in hand , Serue in Apollo , but take heed of Bacchus . Goe on , Sir. CYM. I am come to speake with you . P. SE. 'T is paine for me to speake , a very death , But I will heare you ! CYM. Sir , you haue a Lady , That soiournes with you . P. SE. Ha ? He pretends infirmity . I am somewhat short In my sense too — CYM. Pecunia . P. SE. O' that side , Very imperfect , on — CYM. Whom I would draw Oftner to a poore Office , I am Master of — P. SE. My hearing is very dead , you must speake quicker . CYM. Or , if it please you , Sir , to let her soiourne In part with me ; I haue a moyety We will diuide , halfe of the profits . P. SE. Ha ? I heare you better now , how come they in ? Is it a certaine businesse , or a casuall ? For I am loth to seeke out doubtfull courses , Runne any hazardous paths , I loue streight waies , A iust , and vpright man ! now all trade totters . The trade of money , is fall'n , two i' the hundred . That was a certaine trade , while th' age was thrifty , And men good husbands , look'd vnto their stockes , Had their mindes bounded ; now the publike Riot Prostitutes all , scatters away in coaches , In foot-mens coates , and waiting womens gownes , They must haue veluet hanches ( with a pox ) Now taken vp , and yet not pay the vse ; Hee talkes vehemently and aloud . Bate of the vse ? I am mad with this times manners . CYM. You said e'en now , it was death for you to speake . P. SE. I , but an anger , a iust anger , ( as this is ) Puts life in man. Who can endure to see The fury of mens gullets , and their groines ? Is mou'd more and more . What fires , what cookes , what kitchins might be spar'd ? What Stewes , Ponds , Parks , Coupes , Garners , Magazines ? What veluets , tissues , scarfes , embroyderies ? And laces they might lacke ? They couet things — Superfluous still ; when it were much more honour They could want necessary ! What need hath Nature Of siluer dishes ? or gold chamber-pots ? Of perfum'd napkins ? or a numerous family , To see her eate ? Poore , and wise she , requires Meate onely ; Hunger is not ambitious : Say , that you were the Emperour of pleasures , The great Dictator of fashions , for all Europe , And had the pompe of all the Courts , and Kingdomes , Laid forth vnto the shew ? to make your selfe Gaz'd , and admir'd at ? You must goe to bed , And take your naturall rest : then , all this vanisheth . Your brauery was but showen ; 't was not possest : While it did boast it selfe , it was then perishing . CYM. This man has healthfull lungs . P. SE. All that excesse Appear'd as little yours , as the Spectators . It scarce fills vp the expectation Of a few houres , that entertaines mens liues . CYM. He has the monopoly of sole-speaking . He is angry . Why , good Sir ? you talke all . P. SE. Why should I not ? Is it not vnder mine owne roofe ? my feeling ? CYM. But I came hete to talk with you . P. S. Why , an'I will not Talke with you , Sir ? you are answer'd , who sent for you ? CYM. No body sent for me — P. SE. But you came , why then Goe , as you came , here 's no man holds you , There , There lies your way , you see the doore . CYM. This 's strange ! P. Se. 'T is my ciuility , when I doe not rellish The party , or his businesse . Pray you be gone , Sir. I 'll ha' no venter in your Ship , the Office Your Barke of Six , if'twere sixteene , good , Sir , CYM. You are a rogue . P. SE. I thinke I am Sir , truly . CYM. A Rascall , and a money-bawd . P. SE. My surnames : CYM. A wretched Rascall ! P. S. You will ouerflow — And spill all . CYM. Caterpiller , moath , Horse-leach , and dung-worme — P. SE. Still you lose your labor . I am a broken vessell , all runnes out : A shrunke old Dryfat . Fare you well , good Sixe . The third Intermeane after the third Act. CENSVRE . A notable tough Rascall ! this old Peny-boy ! right City-bred ! MIRTH. In Siluer-streete , the Region of money , a good seat for a Vsurer . TATLE. He has rich ingredients in him , I warrant you , if they were extracted , a true receit to make an Alderman , an' he were well wrought vpon , according to Art. EXP. I would faine see an Alderman in chimia ! that is a treatise of Aldermanity truely written . CEN. To shew how much it differs from Vrbanity . MIRTH. I , or humanity . Either would appeare in this Peny-boy , an' hee were rightly distill'd . But how like you the newes ? you are gone from that . CEN. O , they are monstrous ! scuruy ! and stale ! and too exotick ! ill cook'd ! and ill dish'd ! EXP. They were as good , yet , as butter could make them ! TAT. In a word , they were beastly buttered ! he shall neuer come o' my bread more , nor my in mouth , if I can helpe it . I haue had better newes from the bake-house , by ten thousand parts , in a morning : or the conduicts in Westminster ! all the newes of Tutle-street , and both the Alm'ries ! the two Sanctuaries ▪ long , and round Wool-staple ! with Kings-street , and Chanon-row to boot ! MIRTH. I , my Gossip Tatle knew what fine slips grew in Gardiners-lane ; who kist the Butchers wife with the Cowes-breath ; what matches were made in the bowling-Alley , and what bettes wonne and lost ; how much grieft went to the Mill and what besides : who coniur'd in Tutle-fields , and how many ? when they neuer came there . And which Boy rode vpon Doctor Lambe , in the likenesse of a roaring Lyon , that runne away with him in his teeth , and ha's not deuour'd him yet . TAT. Why , I had it from my maid Ioane Heare-say : and shee had it from a limbe o' the schoole , shee saies , a little limbe of nine yeere old ; who told her , the Master left out his coniuring booke one day , and hee found it , and so the Fable came about . But whether it were true , or no , we Gossips are bound to beleeue it , an 't be once out , and a foot : how should wee entertaine the time else , or finde our selues in fashionable discourse , for all companies , if we do not credit all , and make more of it , in the reporting ? CEN. For my part , I beleeue it : and there were no wiser then I , I would haue ne'er a cunning Schoole-Master in England . I meane a Cunning-Man , a Schoole-Master ; that is a Coniurour , or a Poet , or that had any acquaintance with a Poet. They make all their schollers Play-boyes ! Is 't not a fine sight , to see all our children made Enterluders ? Doe wee pay our money for this ? wee send them to learne their Grammar , and their Terence , and they learne their play-books ? well , they talke , we shall haue no more Parliaments ( God blesse vs ) but an'wee haue , I hope , Zeale-of-the-land Buzy , and my Gossip , Rabby Trouble-truth will start vp , and see we shall haue painfull good Ministers to keepe Schoole , and Catechise our youth , and not teach 'hem to speake Playes , and Act Fables of false newes , in this manner , to the super-uexation of Towne and Countrey , with a wanion . ACT. IIII. SCENE . I. PENY-BOY . IV. FITTON . SHVNFIELD . ALMANACK . MADRIGAL . CANTER . PICKLOCKE . COme , Gentlemen , let 's breath from healths a while . This Lickfinger has made vs a good dinner , For our Pecunia : what shal 's doe with our selues , While the women water ? and the Fidlers eat ? FIT. Let 's ieere a little . P. IV. Ieere ? what 's that ? SHV. Expect , Sr. ALM. We first begin with our selues , & then at you , SHV. A game we vse . MAD. We ieere all kind of persons We meete withall , of any rancke or quality , And if we cannot ieere them , we ieere our selues . P. CA. A pretty sweete society ! and a gratefull ! PIC. 'Pray let 's see some . SHV. Haue at you , then Lawyer . They say , there was one of your coate in Bet'lem , lately , ALM. I wonder all his Clients were not there . MAD. They were the madder sort . PIC. Except , Sir , one Like you , and he made verses . FIT. Madrigall , A ieere . MAD. I know . SHV. But what did you doe , Lawyer ? When you made loue to Mistresse Band , at dinner . MAD. Why ? of an Aduocate , he grew the Clyent . P. IV. Well play'd , my Poet. MAD. And shew'd the Law of nature Was there aboue the Common-Law . SHV. Quit , quit , P. IV. Call you this ieering ? I can play at this , 'T is like a Ball at Tennis . FIT. Very like , But we were not well in . ALM. 'T is indeed , Sir. When we doe speake at volley , all the ill We can one of another . SHV. As this morning , ( I would you had heard vs ) of the Rogue your Vncle. ALM That Mony-bawd . MAD. We call'd him a Coat-card O' the last order . P. IV. What 's that ? a Knaue ? MAD. Some readings haue it so , my manuscript Doth speake it , ●arlet . P. CA. And your selfe a Foole O' the first ranke , and one shall haue the leading O' the right-hand file , vnder this braue Commander . P. IV. What saist thou , Canter ? P. CA. Sir , I say this is A very wholesome exercise , and comely . Like Lepers , shewing one another their scabs . Or flies feeding on vlcers . P. IV. What Newes Gentlemen ? Ha' you any newes for after dinner ? me thinks We should not spend our time vnprofitably . P. CA. They neuer lie , Sir , betweene meales , 'gainst supper You may haue a Bale or two brought in . FIT. This Canter , Is an old enuious Knaue ! ALM. A very Rascall ! FIT. I ha' mark'd him all this meale , he has done nothing But mocke , with scuruy faces , all wee said . ALM. A supercilious Rogue ! he lookes as if He were the Patrico — MAD. Or Arch-priest o' Canters , SHV. Hee 's some primate metropolitan Rascall , Our shot-clog makes so much of him . ALM The Law , And he does gouerne him P. IV. What say you , Gentlemen ? FIT. We say , we wonder not , your man o' Law , Should be so gracious wi' you ; but how it comes , This Rogue , this Canter ! P. IV. O , good words . FIT. A fellow That speakes no language — ALM. But what gingling Gipsies , And Pedlers trade in — FIT. And no honest Christian Can vnderstand — P. CA. Why ? by that argument , You all are Canters , you , and you , and you , All the whole world are Canters , I will proue it In your professions . P. IV. I would faine heare this , But stay , my Princesse comes , prouide the while , I 'll call for 't anone . How fares your Grace ? ACT. IIII. SCENE . II. LICKFINGER . PECVNIA . STATVTE-BAND . VVAXE . to them . I hope the fare was good . PEC. Yes , Lickfinger , And we shall thanke you for 't and reward you . MAD. Nay , I 'll not lose my argument , Lickfinger ; Before these Gentlemen , I affirme , The perfect , and true straine of poetry , Is rather to be giuen the quicke Celler , Then the fat Kitchin. LIC. Heretique , I see Thou art for the vaine Oracle of the Botle . The hogshead , Trismegistus , is thy Pegasus . Thence flowes thy Muses spring , from that hard hoofe : Seduced Poet , I doe say to thee , A Boyler , Range , and Dresser were the Fountaines , Of all the knowledge in the vniuerse . And they ' are the Kitchins , where the Master-Cooke — ( Thou dost not know the man , nor canst thou know him , Till thou hast seru'd some yeeres in that deepe schoole , That 's both the Nurse and Mother of the Arts , And hear'st him read , interpret , and demonstrate ! ) A Master-Cooke ! Why , he 's the man o' men , For a Professor ! he designes , he drawes , He paints , he carues , he builds , he fortifies , Makes Citadels of curious fowle and fish , Some he dri-dishes , some motes round with broths . Mounts marrowbones , cuts fifty angled custards , Reares bulwark pies , and for his outerworkes He raiseth Ramparts of immortall crust ; And teacheth all the Tacticks , at one dinner : What Rankes , what Files , to put his dishes in ; The whole Art Military . Then he knowes , The influence of the Starres vpon his meats , And all their seasons , tempers , qualities , And so to fit his relishes , and sauces , He has Nature in a pot , ' boue all the Chymists , Or airy brethren of the Rosie-crosse . He is an Architect , an Inginer , A Souldiour , a Physician , a Philosopher , A generall Mathematician . MAD. It is granted . LIC. And that you may not doubt him , for a Poet — ALM. This fury shewes , if there were nothing else ! And 't is diuine ! I shall for euer hereafter , Admire the wisedome of a Cooke ! BAN. And we , Sir ! P. IV. O , how my Princesse drawes me , with her lookes , Peny-boy is courting his Princesse all the while . And hales me in , as eddies draw in boats , Or strong Charybdis ships , that saile too neere The shelues of Loue ! The tydes of your two eyes ! Wind of your breath , are such as sucke in all , That doe approach you ! PEC. Who hath chang'd my seruant ? P. IV. Your selfe , who drinke my blood vp with your beames ; As doth the Sunne , the Sea ! Pecunia shines More in the world then he : and makes it Spring Where e'r she fauours ! ' please her but to show Her melting wrests , or bare her yuorie hands , She catches still ! her smiles they are Loue 's fetters ! Her brests his apples ! her teats Stawberries ! Where Cupid ( were he present now ) would cry Fare well my mothers milke , here 's sweeter Nectar ! Helpe me to praise Pecunia , Gentlemen : She 's your Princesse , lend your wits , FIT. A Lady , The Graces taught to moue ! ALM. The Floures did nurse ! FIT. Whose lips are the instructions of all Louers ! ALM. Her eyes their lights , and riualls to the Starres ! FIT. A voyce , as if that Harmony still spake ! ALM. And polish'd skinne , whiter then Venus foote ! FIT. Young Hebes necke , or Iunoe's armes ! ALM. A haire , Large as the Mornings , and her breath as sweete , As meddowes after raine , and but new mowne ! FIT. Laeda might yeeld vnto her , for a face ! ALM. Hermione for brests ! FIT. Flora , for cheekes ! ALM. And Helen for a mouth ! P. IV. Kisse , kisse 'hem , Princesse . She kisseth them . FIT. The pearle doth striue in whitenesse , with her necke , ALM. But loseth by it : here the Snow thawes Snow ; One frost resolues another ! FIT. O , she has A front too slippery to be look't vpon ! ALM. And glances that beguile the seers eyes ! P. IV. Kisse , kisse againe , what saies my man o' warre ? Againe . SHV. I say , she 's more , then Fame can promise of her . A Theame , that 's ouercome with her owne matter ! Praise is strucke blind , and deafe , and dumbe with her ! Shee doth astonish Commendation ! P. IV. Well pumpt i'faith old Sailor : kisse him too : Though he be a slugge . What saies my Poet-sucker ! She kisseth Captaine Shunfield . He 's chewing his Muses cudde , I doe see by him . MAD. I haue almost done , I want but e'ne to finish . FIT. That 's the ' ill luck of all his workes still . P. IV. What ? FIT. To beginne many works , but finish none ; P. IV. How does he do his Mistresse work ? FIT. Imperfect . ALM. I cannot thinke he finisheth that . P. IV. Let 's heare ▪ MAD. It is a Madrigall , I affect that kind Of Poem , much . P. IV. And thence you ha' the name . FIT. It is his Rose . He can make nothing else MAD. I made it to the tune the Fidlers play'd , That we all lik'd so well . P. IV. Good , read it , read it . MAD. The Sunne is father of all mettalls , you know , Siluer , and gold . P. IV. I , leaue your Prologues , say ! SONG . MADRIGAL . As bright as is the Sunne her Sire , Or Earth her mother , in her best atyre , Or Mint , the Mid-wife , with her sire , Comes forth her Grace ! The splendour of the wealthiest Mines ! The stamp , and strength of all imperiall lines , Both maiesty and beauty shines , In her sweet face ! Looke how a Torch , of Taper light , Or of that Torches flame , a Beacon bright ; P. IV. That Mint the Midwife does well . FIT. That 's fairely said of Money . P. IV. Good ! MAD. Now there , I want a line to finish , Sir. P. IV. Or of that Beacons fire , Moone-light : MAD. So takes she place ! FIT. 'T is good . And then I ' haue a Saraband — She makes good cheare , she keepes full boards , She holds a Faire of Knights , and Lords , A Mercat of all Offices , And Shops of honour , more or lesse . According to Pecunia's Grace , The Bride hath beauty , blood , and place , The Bridegrome vertue , valour , wit , And wisedome , as he stands for it . PIC. Call in the Fidlers . Nicke , the boy shall sing it , Sweet Princesse , kisse him , kisse 'hem all , deare Madame , And at the close , vouchsafe to call them Cousins . PEC. Sweet Cousin Madrigall , and Cousin Fitton , My Cousin Shunfield , and my learned Cousin . P. CA. Al-manach , though they call him Almanack . P. IV. Why , here 's the Prodigall prostitutes his Mistresse ! P·IV. And Picklocke , he must be a kinsman too . My man o' Law will teach vs all to winne , And keepe our owne . Old Founder . P. CA. Nothing , I Sir ? I am a wretch , a begger . She the fortunate . Can want no kindred , wee , the poore know none . FIT. Nor none shall know , by my consent . ALM. Nor mine , P. IV. Sing , boy , stand here . P. CA. Look , look , The boy sings the song . how all their eyes Dance i' their heads ( obserue ) scatter'd with lust ! At sight o' their braue Idoll ! how they are tickl'd , With a light ayre ! the bawdy Saraband ! They are a kinde of dancing engines all ! And set , by nature , thus , to runne alone To euery sound ! All things within , withou them , Moue , but their braine , and that stands still ! mere monsters Here , in a chamber , of most subtill feet ! And make their legs in tune , passing the streetes ! These are the gallant spirits o' the age ! The miracles o' the time ! that can cry vp And downe mens wits ! and set what rate on things Their half-brain'd fancies please ! Now pox vpon 'hem . See how solicitously he learnes the Iigge , As if it were a mystery of his faith ! SHV. A dainty ditty ! FIT. O , hee 's a dainty Poet ! When he sets to 't ! P. IV. And a dainty Scholler ! They are all struck with admiration . ALM. No , no great scholler , he writes like a Gentleman . SHV. Pox o' your Scholler . P. CA. Pox o' your distinction ! As if a Scholler were no Gentleman . With these , to write like a Gentleman , will in time Become , all one , as to write like an Asse , These Gentlemen ? these Rascalls ! I am sicke Of indignation at ' hem . P. IV. How doe you lik't , Sir ? FIT. 'T is excellent ! ALM. 'T was excellently sung ! FIT. A dainty Ayre ! P. IV. What saies my Lickfinger ? LIC. I am telling Mistresse Band , and Mistresse Statute , What a braue Gentleman you are , and Waxe , here ! How much 't were better , that my Ladies Grace , Would here take vp Sir , and keepe house with you . P. IV. What say they ? STA. We could consent , Sr , willingly . BAND . I , if we knew her Grace had the least liking . WAX. We must obey her Graces will , and pleasure . P. IV. I thanke you , Gentlewomen , ply 'hem , Lickfinger . Giue mother Mortgage , there — LIC. Her doze of Sacke . I haue it for her , and her distance of Hum. PEC. Indeede therein , I must confesse , deare Cousin , The Gallants are all about Pecunia . I am a most vnfortunate Princesse . ALM. And You still will be so , when your Grace may helpe it . MAD. who 'ld lie in a roome , with a close-stoole , and garlick ? And kennell with his dogges ? that had a Prince Like this young Peny-boy , to soiourne with ? SHV. He 'll let you ha' your liberty — ALM. Goe forth , Whither you please , and to what company — MAD. Scatter your selfe amongst vs — P. IV. Hope of Pernassus ! Thy Iuy shall not wither , nor thy Bayes , Thou shalt be had into her Graces Cellar , And there know Sacke , and Claret , all December , Thy veine is rich , and we must cherish it . Poets and Bees swarme now adaies , but yet There are not those good Tauernes , for the one sort , As there are Flowrie fields to feed the other . Though Bees be pleas'd with dew , aske little Waxe That brings the honey to her Ladyes hiue : The Poet must haue wine . And he shall haue it . ACT. IIII. SCENE . IIJ. PENI-BOY . SE. PENY-BOY . IV. LICKFINGER . &c. BRoker ? what Broker ? P. IV. Who 's that ? my Vncle ! P. SE. I am abus'd , where is my Knaue ? my Broker ? LIC. Your Broker is laid out vpon a bench , yonder , Sacke hath seaz'd on him , in the shape of sleepe . PIC. Hee hath beene dead to vs almost this houre . P. SE This houre ? P. CA. Why sigh you Sr ? 'cause he 's at rest ? P. SE. It breeds my vnrest . LIC. Will you take a cup He strikes the Sacke out of his hand . And try if you can sleepe ? P. SE. No , cogging Iacke , Thou and thy cups too , perish . SHV. O , the Sacke ! MAD. The sacke , the sacke ! P. CA. A Madrigall on Sacke ! PIC. Or rather an Elegy , for the Sacke is gone . PEC. VVhy doe you this , Sir ? spill the wine , and raue ? For Brokers sleeping ? P. SE. VVhat through sleepe , and Sacke , My trust is wrong'd : but I am still awake , To waite vpon your Grace , please you to quit This strange lewd company , they are not for you . PEC. No Guardian , I doe like them very well . P. SE Your Graces pleasure be obseru'd , but you Statute , and Band , and Waxe , will goe with me . SAT. Truly we will not . BAN. VVe will stay , and wait here Vpon her Grace , and this your Noble Kinsman . P. SE. Noble ? how noble ! who hath made him noble ? P. IV. VVhy , my most noble money hath , or shall ▪ My Princesse , here . She that had you but kept , And treated kindly , would haue made you noble , And wise , too : nay , perhaps haue done that for you , An Act of Parliament could not , made you honest . The truth is , Vncle , that her Grace dislikes Her entertainment : specially her lodging . PEC. Nay , say her iaile . Neuer vnfortunate Princesse , Was vs'd so by a Iaylor . Aske my women , Band , you can tell , and Statute , how he has vs'd me , Kept me close prisoner , vnder twenty bolts — STA. And forty padlocks — BAN. All malicious ingines A wicked Smith could forge out of his yron : As locks , and keyes , shacles , and manacles , To torture a great Lady . STA. H' has abus'd Your Graces body . PEC. No , he would ha' done , That lay not in his power : he had the vse Of our bodies , Band , and Waxe , and sometimes Statutes : But once he would ha'smother'd me in a chest , And strangl'd me in leather , but that you Came to my rescue , then , and gaue mee ayre . STA. For which he cramb'd vs vp in a close boxe , All three together , where we saw no Sunne In one sixe moneths . WAX. A cruell man he is ! BAN. H' has left my fellow Waxe out , i' the cold , STA. Till she was stiffe , as any frost , and crumbl'd Away to dust , and almost lost her forme . WAX. Much adoe to recouer me . P. SE. Women Ieerers ! Haue you learn'd too , the subtill facultie ? Come , I 'll shew you the way home , if drinke , Or , too full diet haue disguis'd you . BAN. Troth , We haue not any mind , Sir , of returne — STA. To be bound back to backe . — BAN. And haue our legs Turn'd in , or writh'd about — WAX. Or else display'd — STA. Be lodg'd with dust and fleas , as we were wont — BAN. And dyeted with dogs dung . P. SE. Why ? you whores , My bawds , my instruments , what should I call you , Man may thinke base inough for you ? P. IV. Heare you , vncle . I must not heare this of my Princesse seruants , And in Apollo , in Pecunia's roome , Goe , get you downe the staires : Home , to your Kennell , As swiftly as you can . Consult your dogges , The Lares of your family ; or beleeue it , The fury of a foote-man , and a drawer Hangs ouer you . SHV. Cudgell , and pot doe threaten A kinde of vengeance . MAD. Barbers are at hand . ALM. Washing and shauing will ensue . FIT. The Pumpe They all threaten , Is not farre off ; If 't were , the sinke is neere : Or a good Iordan . MAD. You haue now no money , SHV. But are a Rascall . P. SE. I am cheated , robb'd Ieer'd by confederacy . FIT. No , you are kick'd And vsed kindly , as you should be . SHV. Spurn'd , And spurne him . From all commerce of men , who are a curre . ALM. A stinking dogge , in a dublet , with foule linnen . MAD. A snarling Rascall , hence . SHV. Out . P. SE. Wel , remember , I am coozen'd by my Cousin , and his whore ! Bane o'these meetings in Apollo ! LIC. Goe , Sir , You will be tost like Block , in a blanket else . P. IV. Downe with him , Lickfinger . P. SE. Saucy Iacke away , Pecunia is a whore . P. IV. Play him downe , Fidlers , And drown his noise . Who 's this ! FIT. O Master Pyed-mantle ! ACT. IIIJ. SCENE . IV. PYED-MANTLE . to them . Pyed-mantle brings the Lady Pecunia her pedigree . BY your leaue , Gentlemen . FIT. Her Graces Herald , ALM. No Herald yet , a Heraldet . P. IV. What 's that ? P. CA. A Canter . P. IV. O , thou said'st thou 'dst sprone vs all so ! P. CA. Sir , here is one will proue himselfe so , streight , So shall the rest , in time . PEC. My Pedigree ? I tell you , friend , he must be a good Scholler , Can my discent . I am of Princely race , And as good blood , as any is i' the mines , Runnes through my veines . I am , euery limb , a Princesse ! Dutchesse o' mynes , was my great Grandmother . And by the Fathers side , I come from Sol. My Grand-father was Duke of Or , and match'd In the blood-royall of Ophyr . PYE. Here 's his Coat . PEC. I know it , if I heare the Blazon . PYE. He beares In a field Azure , a Sunne proper , beamy , Twelue of the second . P. CA. How farr 's this from canting ? P. IV. Her Grace doth vnderstand ti . P. CA. She can cant , S ● . PEC. What be these ? Besants ? PYE. Yes , an 't please your Grace . PEC. That is our Coat too , as we come from Or. What line 's this ? PYE. The rich mynes of Potosi . The Spanish mynes i' the West-Indies . PEC. This ? PYE. The mynes o' Hungary , this of Barbary . PEC. But this , this little branch . PEC. The Welsh-myne that . PEC. I ha' Welsh-blood in me too , blaze , Sir , that Coat . PYE. She beares ( an 't please you ) Argent , three leekes vert In Canton Or , and tassel'd of the first . P. CA. Is not this canting ? doe you vnderstand him ? P. IV. Not I , but it sounds well , and the whole thing Is rarely painted , I will haue such a scrowle , What ere it cost me . PEC. VVell , at better leasure , We 'll take a view of it , and so reward you . P. IV. Kisse him , sweet Princesse , and stile him a Cousin . She kisseth . PEC. I will , if you will haue it . Cousin Pyed-mantle . P. IV. I loue all men of vertue , from my Princesse , Vnto my begger , here , old Canter , on , On to thy proofe , whom proue you the next Canter ? P. CA. The Doctor here , I will proceed with the learned . VVhen he discourseth of dissection , Or any point of Anatomy : that hee tells you , Of Vena caua , and of vena porta , The Meseraicks , and the Mesenterium . VVhat does hee else but cant ? Or if he runne To his Iudiciall Astrologie , And trowle the Trine , the Quartile and the Sextile , Platicke aspect , and Partile , with his Hyleg Or Alchochoden , Cuspes , and Horroscope . Does not he cant ? VVho here does vnderstand him ? ALM. This is no Canter , tho ! P. CA. Or when my Muster-Master Talkes of his Tacticks , and his Rankes , and Files ; His Bringers vp , his Leaders on , and cries , Faces about to the right hand , the left , Now , as you were : then tells you of Redoubts , Of Cats , and Cortines . Doth not he cant ? P. IV. Yes , ' faith . P. CA. My Eg-chind Laureat , here , when he comes forth With Dimeters , and Trimeters , Tetrameters , Pentameters , Hexameters , Catalecticks , His Hyper , and his Brachy-Catalecticks , His Pyrrhichs , Epitrites , and Choriambicks . What is all this , but canting ? MAD. A rare fellow ! SHV. Some begging Scholler ! FIT. A decay'd Doctor at least ! P. IV. Nay , I doe cherish vertue , though in rags . P. CA. And you , Mas Courtier . P. IV. Now he treats of you , Stand forth to him , faire . P. CA. With all your fly-blowne proiects , And lookes out of the politicks , your shut-faces , And reseru'd Questions , and Answers that you game with , As Is 't a Cleare businesse ? will it mannage well ? My name must not be vs'd else . Here , 't will dash . Your businesse has receiu'd a taint , giue off , I may not prostitute my selfe . Tut , tut , That little dust I can blow off , at pleasure . Here 's no such mountaine , yet , i' the whole worke ! But a light purse may leuell . I will tyde This affayre for you ; giue it freight , and passage . And such mynt-phrase , as 't is the worst of canting , By how much it affects the sense , it has not . FIT. This is some other then he seemes ! P. IV. How like you him ? FIT. This cannot be a Canter ! P. IV. But he is , Sir , And shall be still , and so shall you be too : We 'll all be Canters . Now , I thinke of it , A noble Whimsie 's come into my braine ! I 'll build a Colledge , I , and my Pecunia , And call it Canters Colledge , sounds it well ? ALM. Excellent ! P. IV. And here stands my Father Rector , And you Professors , you shall all professe Something , and liue there , with her Grace and me , Your Founders : I 'll endow 't with lands , and meanes , And Lickfinger shall be my Master-Cooke . What ? is he gone ? P. CA. And a Professor . P. IV. Yes . P. CA. And read Apicius de reculinaria To your braue Doxie , and you ! P. IV. You , Cousin Fitton , Shall ( as a Courtier ) read the politicks ; Doctor Al-manack , hee shall read Astrology , Shunfield shall read the Military Arts. P. CA. As caruing , and assaulting the cold custard . P. IV. And Horace here , the Art of Poetry . His Lyricks , and his Madrigalls , fine Songs , Which we will haue at dinner , steept in claret , And against supper , sowc't in sacke . MAD. In troth A diuine Whimsey ! SHV. And a worthy worke , Fit for a Chronicle ! P. IV. Is 't not ? SHV. To all ages . P. IV. And Pyed-mantle , shall giue vs all our Armes , But Picklocke , what wouldst thou be ? Thou canst cant too . PIC. In all the languages in Westminster-Hall , Fleas , Bench , or Chancery . Fee-Farme , Fee-Tayle , Tennant in dower , At will , For Terme of life , By Copy of Court Roll , Knights seruice , Homage , Fealty , Escuage , Soccage , or Frank almoigne , Grand Sergeanty , or B●rgage . P. IV. Thou appear'st , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a Canter . Thou shalt read All Littletons tenures to me , and indeed All my Conueyances . PIC. And make 'hem too , Sir ? Keepe all your Courts , be Steward o' your lands , Let all your Leases , keepe your Euidences , But first , I must procure , and passe your mort-maine You must haue licence from aboue , Sir. P. IV. Feare not , Pecunia's friends shall doe it . P. CA. But I shall stop it . Your worships louing , and obedient father , Your painefull Steward , and lost Officer ! Here his father discouers himselfe . Who haue done this , to try how you would vse Pecunia , when you had her : which since I see , I will take home the Lady , to my charge , And these her seruants , and leaue you my Cloak , To trauell in to Beggers Bush ! A Seate , Is built already , furnish'd too , worth twentie Of your imagin'd structures , Canters Colledge . FIT. 'T is his Father ! MAD. Hee 's aliue , me thinks . ALM. I knew he was no Rogue ! P. CA. Thou , Prodigall , Was I so carefull for thee , to procure , And plot wi' my learn'd Counsell , Master Picklocke , This noble match for thee , and dost thou prostitute , Scatter thy Mistresse fauours , throw away Her bounties , as they were red-burning coales , Too hot for thee to handle , on such rascalls ? Who are the scumme , and excrements of men ? If thou had'st sought out good , and vertuous persons Of these professions : I 'had lou'd thee , and them . For these shall neuer haue that plea 'gainst me , Or colour of aduantage , that I hate Their callings , but their manners , and their vices . A worthy Courtier , is the ornament Of a Kings Palace , his great Masters honour . This is a moth , a rascall , a Court-rat , That gnawes the common-wealth with broking suits , And eating grieuances ! So , a true Souldier , He is his Countryes strength , his Soueraignes safety , And to secure his peace , he makes himselfe . The heyre of danger , nay the subiect of it , And runnes those vertuous hazards , that this Scarre-crow Cannot endure to heare of . SHV. You are pleasant , Sir. P. CA. With you I dare be ! Here is Pyed-mantle , 'Cause he 's an Asse , doe not I loue a Herald ? Who is the pure preseruer of descents , The keeper faire of all Nobility , Without which all would runne into confusion ? Were he a learned Herald , I would tell him He can giue Armes , and markes , he cannot honour , No more then money can make Noble : It may Giue place , and ranke , but it can giue no Vertue . And he would thanke me , for this truth . This dog-Leach , You stile him Doctor , 'cause he can compile An Almanack ; perhaps erect a Scheme For my great Madame monkey : when 't has ta'ne A glister , and bewrai'd the Ephemerides . Doe I despise a learn'd Physician ? In calling him a Quack-Saluer ? or blast The euer-liuing ghirl●nd , alwaies greene Of a good Poet ? when I say his wreath Is piec'd and patch'd of dirty witherd flowers ? Away , I am impatient of these vlcers , ( That I not call you worse ) There is no sore , Or Plague but you to infect the times . I abhorre Your very scent . Come , Lady , since my Prodigall Knew not to entertaine you to your worth , I 'll see if I haue learn'd , how to receiue you , Hee points him to his patch'd cloake throwne off . With more respect to you , and your faire traine here . Farewell my Begger in veluet , for to day , To morrow you may put on that graue Robe , And enter your great worke of Canters Colledge , Your worke and worthy of a Chronicle , The fourth Intermeane after the fourth Act. TATLE. Why ? This was the worst of all ! the Catastrophe ! CEN. The matter began to be good , but now : and he has spoyl'd it all , with his Begger there ! MIRT. A beggerly Iacke it is , I warrant him , and a kin to the Poet. TAT. Like enough , for hee had the chiefest part in his play , if you marke it . EXP. Absurdity on him , for a huge ouergrowne Play-maker ! why should he make him liue againe , when they , and we all thought him dead ? If he had left him to his ragges , there had beene an end of him . TAT. I , but set a beggar on horse-backe , hee 'll neuer linne till hee be a gallop . CEN. The young heyre grew a fine Gentleman , in this last Act ! EXP. So he did , Gossip : and kept the best company . CEN. And feasted 'hem , and his Mistresse ! TAT. And shew'd her to 'hem all ! was not iealous ! MIRTH. But very communicatiue , and liberall , and beganne to be magnificent , if the churle his father would haue let him alone . CEN. It was spitefully done o' the Poet , to make the Chuffe take him off in his heighth , when he was going to doe all his braue deedes ! EXP. To found an Academy ! TAT. Erect a Colledge ! EXP. Plant his Professors , and water his Lectures . MIRTH. With wine , gossips , as he meant to doe , and then to defraud his purposes ? EXP. Kill the hopes of so many towardly young spirits ? TAT. As the Doctors ? CEN. And the Courtiers ! I protest , I was in loue with Master Fitton . He did weare all he had , from the hat-band , to the shooe-tye , so politically , and would stoop , and leere ? MIRTH. And lie so , in waite for a piece of wit , like a Mouse-trap ? EXP. Indeed Gossip , so would the little Doctor , all his behauiour was meere glister ! O' my conscience , hee would make any parties physicke i' the world worke , with his discourse . MIR. I wonder they would suffer it , a foolish old fornicating Father , to rauish away his sonnes Mistresse . CEN. And all her women , at once , as hee did ! TAT. I would ha' flyen in his gypsies face i'faith . MIRTH. It was a plaine piece of politicall incest , and worthy to be brought afore the high Commission of wit. Suppose we were to censure him , you are the youngest voyce , Gossip Tatle , beginne . TATLE. Mary , I would ha' the old conicatcher coozen'd of all he has , i' the young heyres defence , by his learn'd Counsell , Mr Picklocke ! CENSVRE . I would rather the Courtier had found out some tricke to begge him , from his estate ! EXP. Or the Captaine had courage enough to beat him . CEN. Or the fine Madrigall-man , in rime , to haue runne him out o' the Countrey , like an Irish rat . TAT. No , I would haue Master Pyed-mantle , her Graces Herald , to pluck downe his hatchments , reuerse his coat-armour , and nullifie him for no Gentleman . EXP. Nay , then let Master Doctor dissect him , haue him open'd , and his tripes translated to Lickfinger , to make a probation dish of . CEN. TAT. Agreed ! Agreed ! MIRTH. Faith I would haue him flat disinherited , by a decree of Court , bound to make restitution of the Lady Pecunia , and the vse of her body to his sonne . EXP. And her traine , to the Gentlemen . CEN. And both the Poet , and himselfe , to aske them all forgiuenesse ! TAT. And vs too ▪ CEN. In two large sheetes of paper — EXP. Or to stand in a skin of parchment , ( which the Court please ) CEN. And those fill'd with newes ! MIRTH. And dedicated to the sustaining of the Staple ! EXP. Which their Poet hath let fall , most abruptly ? MIRTH. Banckruptly , indeede ! CEN. You say wittily , Gossip , and therefore let a protest goe out against him . MIR. A mourniuall of protests ; or a gleeke at least ! EXP. In all our names : CEN. For a decay'd wit — EXP. Broken — TAT. Non-soluent — CENSVRE . And , for euer , forfet — MIRTH. To scorne , of Mirth ? CEN. Censure ! EXP. Expectation ! TAT. Subsign'd . Tatle , Stay , they come againe . ACT. V. SCENE . I. PENY-BOY . IV. to him THO. BARBER . after , PICKLOCKE . Hee comes out in the patchd cloak his father left him . NAy , they are fit , as they had been made for me , And I am now a thing , worth looking at ! The same , I said I would be in the morning . No Rogue , at a Comitia of the Canters , Did euer there become his Parents Robes Better , then I do these : great foole ! and begger ! Why doe not all that are of those societies , Come forth , and gratulate mee one of theirs ? Me thinkes , I should be , on euery side , saluted , Dauphin of beggers ! Prince of Prodigalls ! That haue so fall'n vnder the eares , and eyes , And tongues of all , the fable o' the time , Matter of scorne , and marke of reprehension ! I now begin to see my vanity , Shine in this Glasse , reflected by the foile ! Where is my Fashioner ? my Feather-man ? My Linnener ? Perfumer ? Barber ? all ? That tayle of Riot , follow'd me this morning ? Not one ! but a darke solitude about mee , Worthy my cloake , and patches ; as I had The epidemicall disease vpon mee : And I 'll sit downe with it . THO. My Master ! Maker ! How doe you ? Why doe you sit thus o' the ground , Sir ? Heare you the newes ? P. IV. No , nor I care to heare none . Would I could here sit still , and slip away The other one and twenty , to haue this Forgotten , and the day rac'd out , expung'd , In euery Ephemerides , or Almanack . Or if it must be in , that Time and Nature Haue decree'd ; still , let it be a day Of tickling Prodigalls , about the gills ; Deluding gaping heires , loosing their loues , And their discretions ; falling from the fauours Of their best friends , and parents ; their owne hopes ; And entring the society of Canters . THO. A dolefull day it is , and dismall times Are come vpon vs : I am cleare vndone . P. IV. How , Thom ? THO. Why ? broke ! broke ! wretchedly broke ! P. IV. Ha! THO. Our Staple is all to pieces , quite dissolu'd ! P. IV. Ha! THO. Shiuer'd , as in an earth-quake ! heard you not The cracke and ruines ? we are all blowne vp ! Soone as they heard th' Infanta was got from them , Whom they had so deuoured i' their hopes , To be their Patronesse , and soiourne with 'hem ; Our Emissaries , Register , Examiner , Flew into vapor : our graue Gouernour Into a subt'ler ayre ; and is return'd ( As we doe heare ) grand - Captaine of the Ieerers . I , and my fellow melted into butter , And spoyl'd our Inke , and so the Office vanish'd . The last hum that it made , was , that your Father , And Picklocke are fall'n out , the man o' Law. Hee starts vp at this . P. IV. How ? this awakes me from my lethargy . THO. And a great suite , is like to be betweene 'hem , Picklocke denies the Feofement , and the Trust , ( Your Father saies ) he made of the whole estate , Vnto him , as respecting his mortalitie , When he first laid this late deuice , to try you . P. IV. Has Picklock then a trust ? THO. I cannot tell , Here comes the worshipfull — PIC. What ? my veluet - heyre , Picklocke enters . Turn'd begger in minde , as robes ? P. IV. You see what case , Your , and my Fathers plots haue brought me to . P. C. Your Fathers , you may say , indeed , not mine . Hee 's a hard hearted Gentleman ! I am sorie To see his rigid resolution ! That any man should so put off affection , And humane nature , to destroy his owne ! And triumph in a victory so cruell ! He 's fall'n out with mee , for being yours , And calls me Knaue , and Traytors to his Trust , Saies he will haue me throwne ouer the Barre — P. IV. Ha'you deseru'd it ? PIC. O , good heauen knowes My conscience , and the silly latitude of it ! A narrow minded man ! my thoughts doe dwell All in a Lane , or line indeed ; No turning , Nor scarce obliquitie in them . I still looke Right forward to th' intent , and scope of that Which he would go from now . P. IV. Had you a Trust , then ? PIC. Sir , I had somewhat , will keepe you still Lord Of all the estate , ( if I be honest ) as I hope I shall . My tender scrupulous brest Will not permit me see the heyre defrauded , And like an Alyen , thrust out of the blood , The Lawes forbid that I should giue consent , To such a ciuill slaughter of a Sonne . P. IV. Where is the deed ? hast thou it with thee ? PIC. No , It is a thing of greater consequence , Then to be borne about in a blacke boxe , Like a Low-countrey vorloffe , or Welsh-briefe . It is at Lickfingers , vnder locke and key . P. IV. O , fetch it hither . PIC. I haue bid him bring it , That you might see it . P. IV. Knowes he what brings ? PIC. No more then a Gardiners Asse , what roots he carries , P. IV. I was a sending my Father , like an Asse , A penitent Epistle , but I am glad I did not , now . PIC. Hang him , an austere grape , That has no iuice , but what is veriuice in him . P. IV. I 'll shew you my letter ! P●C . Shew me a defiance ! Peny-boy runnes out to fetch his letter . If I can now commit Father , and Sonne , And make my profits out of both . Commence A suite with the old man , for his whole state , And goe to Law with the Sonnes credit , vndoe Both , both with their owne money , it were a piece Worthy my night-cap , and the Gowne I weare , A Picklockes name in Law. Where are you Sir ? What doe you doe so long ? P. IV. I cannot find Where I haue laid it , but I haue laid it safe . PIC No matter , Sir , trust you vnto my Trust , 'T is that that shall secure you , an absolute deed ! And I confesse , it was in Trust , for you , Lest any thing might haue hapned mortall to him : But there must be a gratitude thought on , And aid , Sir , for the charges of the suite , Which will be great , 'gainst such a mighty man , As is our Father , and a man possest Of so much Land , Pecunia and her friends . I am not able to wage Law with him , Yet must maintaine the thing , as mine owne right , Still for your good , and therefore must be bold To vse your credit for monies . P. IV. What thou wilt , So wee be safe , and the Trust beare it . PIC. Feare not , 'T is hee must pay arrerages in the end . Wee 'l milke him , and Pecunia , draw their creame downe , Before he get the deed into his hands . My name is Picklocke , but hee●ll finde me a Padlocke . ACT. V. SCENE . II. PENY-BOY . CAN. PENY-BOY . IV. PICKLOCK . THO. BARBAR . HOw now ? conferring wi'your learned Counsell , Vpo ' the Cheat ? Are you o' the plot to coozen mee ? P. IV. What plot ? P. ●● . Your Counsell knowes there , Mr Picklock , Will you restore the Trust yet ? PIC. Sir , take patience . And memory vnto you , and bethinke you , What Trust ? where dost appeare ? I haue your Deed , Doth your Deed specifie any Trust ? Is 't not A perfect Act ? and absolute in Law ? Seal'd and deliuer'd before witnesses ? The day and date , emergent . P. CA. But what conference ? What othes , and vowes preceded ? PIC. I will tell you , Sir , Since I am vrg'd of those , as I remember , You told me you had got a growen estate , By griping meanes , sinisterly . ( P. CA. How ! ) PIC. And were Eu'n weary of it ; if the parties liued , From whom you had wrested it — ( P. CA. Ha! ) PIC. You could be glad , To part with all , for satisfaction : But since they 'had yeelded to humanity , And that iust heauen had sent you , for a punishment ( You did acknowledge it ) this riotous heyre , That would bring all to beggery in the end , And daily sow'd consumption , where he went — P. CA. You'old coozen both , then ? your Confederate , too ? PIC. After a long , mature deliberation , You could not thinke , where , better , how to place it — P. CA. Then on you , Rascall ? PIC. What you please i' your passion , But with your reason , you will come about And thinke a faithfull , and a frugall friend To be preferr'd . P. CA. Before a Sonne ? PIC. A Prodigall , A tubbe without a bottome , as you term'd him ; For which , I might returne you a vow , or two , And seale it with an oath of thankfulnesse , I not repent it , neither haue I cause , Yet — P. CA. Fore-head of steele , and mouth of brasse ! hath impudence Polish'd so grosse a lie , and dar'st thou vent it ? Engine , compos'd of all mixt mettalls ! hence , I will not change a syllab , with thee , more , Till I may meet thee , at a Barre in Court , Before thy Iudges . PIC. Thither it must come , Before I part with it , to you , or you , Sir. P. CA. His Son entreats him . I will not heare thee . P. IV. Sir , your eare to mee , though . Not that I see through his perplexed plots , And hidden ends , nor that my parts depend Vpon the vnwinding this so knotted skeane , Doe I beseech your patience . Vnto mee He hath confest the trust . PIC. How ? I confesse it ? P. IV. I thou , false man. P. ●● . Stand vp to him , & confront him . PIC. Where ? when ? to whom ? P· IV. To me , euen now , and here , Canst thou deny it ? PIC. Can I eate or drinke ? Sleepe , wake , or dreame ? arise , sit , goe , or stand ? Doe any thing that 's naturall ? P. IV. Yes , lye : It seemes thou canst , and periure : that is naturall ! PIC. O me ! what times are these ! of frontlesse carriage ▪ An Egge o' the same nest ! the Fathers Bird ! It runs in a blood , I see ! P. IV. I 'll stop your mouth . PIC. With what ? P. IV. With truth . PIC. With noise , I must haue witnes . Where is your witnes ? you can produce witnes ? P. IV. As if my testimony were not twenty , Balanc'd with thine ? PIC. So say all Prodigalls , Sicke of selfe-loue , but that 's not Law , young Scatter-good . I liue by Law. P. IV. Why ? if thou hast a conscience , That is a thoussnd witnesses . PIC. No , Court , Grants out a Writ of Summons , for the Conscience , That I know , nor Sub-paena , nor Attachment . I must haue witnesse , and of your producing , Ere this can come to hearing , and it must Be heard on oath , and witnesse . P. IV. Come forth , Thom , Hee produceth Thom. Speake what thou heard'st , the truth , and the whole truth , And nothing but the truth . What said this varlet ? PIC. A rat behind the hangings ! THO. Sir , he said It was a Trust ! an Act , the which your Father Had will to alter : but his tender brest Would not permit to see the heyre defrauded ; And like an alyen , thrust out of the blood . The Lawes forbid that he should giue consent To such a ciuill slaughter of a Sonne — P. IV. And talk'd of a gratuitie to be giuen , And ayd vnto the charges of the suite ; Which he was to maintaine , in his owne name , But for my vse , he said . P. CA. It is enough . THO. And he would milke Pecunia , and draw downe Her creame , before you got the Trust , againe . P. CA. Your eares are in my pocket , Knaue , goe shake 'hem , The little while you haue them . PIC. You doe trust To your great purse . P. CA. I ha' you in a purse-net , Good Master Picklocke , wi' your worming braine , And wrigling ingine-head of maintenance , Which I shall see you hole with , very shortly . A fine round head , when those two lugs are off , To trundle through a Pillory . You are sure You heard him speake this ? P. IV. I , and more . THO. Much more ! PIC. I 'll proue yours maintenance , and combination , And sue you all . P. CA. Doe , doe , my gowned Vulture , Crop in Reuersion : I shall see you coyted Ouer the Barre , as Barge-men doe their billets . PIC. This 't is , when men repent of their good deeds , And would ha 'hem in againe — They are almost mad ! But I forgiue their Lucida Interualla . O , Lickfinger ? come hither . Where 's my writing ? Pick-lock spies Lickfinger , and askes him aside for the writing . ACT. V. SCENE . III. LICKFINGER . to them . I sent it you , together with your keyes , PIC. How ? LIC. By the Porter , that came for it , from you , And by the token , you had giu'n me the keyes , And bad me bring it . PIC. And why did you not ? LIC. Why did you send a counter-mand ? PIC. Who , I ? LIC. You , or some other you , you put in trust . PIC. In trust ? LIC. Your Trust 's another selfe , you know , And without Trust , and your Trust , how should he Take notice of your keyes , or of my charge . PIC. Know you the man ? LIC. I know he was a Porter , And a seal'd Porter for he bore the badge On brest , I am sure . PIC. I am lost ! a plot ! I sent it ! LIC. Why ! and I sent it by the man you sent Whom else , I had not trusted . PIC. Plague o' your trust . Picklocke goes out . I am truss'd vp among you . P. IV. Or you may be . PIC. In mine owne halter , I haue made the Noose . P. IV. What was it , Lickfinger ? LIC. A writing , Sir , Young Peny-boy discouers it , to his Father to be his plot of sending for it by the Porter , and that hee is in possession of the Deed. He sent for 't by a token , I was bringing it : But that he sent a Porter , and hee seem'd A man of decent carriage . P. CA. 'T was good fortune ! To cheat the Cheater , was no cheat , but iustice , Put off your ragges , and be your selfe againe , This Act of piety , and good affection , Hath partly reconcil'd me to you . P. IV. Sir. P. C. No vowes , no promises : too much protestation Makes that suspected oft , we would perswade . LIC. Elder Peny-boy startles at the newes . Heare you the Newes ? P. IV. The Office is downe , how should we ? LIC. But of your vncle ? P. IV. No. LIC. He 's runne mad , Sir. P. CA. How , Lickfinger ? LIC. Stark staring mad , your brother , H' has almost kill'd his maid . P. CA. Now , heauen forbid . LIC. But that she 's Cat-liu'd , and Squirrill-limb'd , With throwing bed-staues at her : h' has set wide His outer doores , and now keepes open house , For all the passers by to see his iustice : First , he has apprehended his two dogges , As being o' the plot to coozen him : And there hee sits like an old worme of the peace , Wrap'd vp in furres at a square table , screwing , Examining , and committing the poore curres , To two old cases of close stooles , as prisons ; The one of which , he calls his Lollard's tower , Th' other his Blocke-house , 'cause his two dogs names Are Blocke , and Lollard . P. IV. This would be braue matter Vnto the Ieerers . P. CA. I , If so the subiect Were not so wretched . LIC. Sure , I met them all , I thinke , vpon that quest . P. CA. 'Faith , like enough ▪ The vicious still are swift to shew their natures . I 'll thither too , but with another ayme , If all succeed well , and my simples take . ACT. V. SCENE . IIIJ. He is seene sitting at his Table with papers before him . PENI-BOY . SEN. PORTER . WHere are the prisoners ? POR. They are forth-comming , Sr , Or comming forth at least . P. SE. The Rogue is drunke , Since I committed them to his charge . Come hither , Hee smells him . Neere me , yet neerer ; breath vpon me . Wine ! Wine , o' my worship ! sacke ! Canary sacke ! Could not your Badge ha' bin drunke with fulsome Ale ? Or Beere ? the Porters element ? but sacke ! POR. I am not drunke , we had , Sir , but one pynt , An honest carrier , and my selfe . P. SE. Who paid for 't ? POR. Sir , I did giue it him . P. SE. What ? and spend sixpence ! A Frocke spend sixpence ! sixpence ! POR. Once in a yeere , Sir , P. SE. In seuen yeers , varlet ! Know'st thou what thou hast done ? What a consumption thou hast made of a State ? It might please heauen , ( a lusty Knaue and young ) To let thee liue some seuenty yeeres longer . Till thou art fourescore , and ten ; perhaps , a hundred . Say seuenty yeeres ▪ how many times seuen in seuenty ? Why , seuen times ten , is ten times seuen , marke me , I will demonstrate to thee on my fingers , Six-pence in seuen yeere ( vse vpon vse ) Growes in that first seuen yeere , to be a twelue-pence . That , in the next , two-shillings ; the third foure-shillings ; The fourth seuen yeere , eight-shillings ; the fifth , sixteen : The sixth , two and thirty ; the seuenth , three-pound foure , The eighth , sixe pound , and eyght ; the ninth , twelue pound sixteen ; And the tenth seuen , fiue and twenty pound , Twelue Shillings . This thou art fall'n from , by thy riot ! Should'st thou liue seuenty yeeres , by spending six-pence , Once i' the seuen : but in a day to wast it ! There is a Summe that number cannot reach ! Out o' my house , thou pest o' prodigality ! Seed o' consumption ! hence , a wicked keeper Is oft worse then the prisoners . There 's thy penny , Foure tokens for thee . Out , away . My dogges , May yet be innocent , and honest . If not , I haue an entrapping question , or two more , To put vnto 'hem , a crosse Intergatory , And I shall catch 'hem ; Lollard ? Peace , What whispring was that you had with Mortgage , Hee calls forth Lollard , and examines him . When you last lick'd her feet ? The truth now . Ha ? Did you smell shee was going ? Put downe that . And not , Not to returne ? You are silent . good . And , when Leap'd you on Statute ? As she went forth ? Consent . There was Consent , as shee was going forth . 'T would haue beene fitter at her comming home , He commits him againe . But you knew that she would not ? To your Tower , You are cunning , are you ? I will meet your craft . Blocke , shew your face , leaue your caresses , tell me , Calls forth Blocke , and examines him . And tell me truly , what affronts do you know Were done Pecunia ? that she left my house ? None , say you so ? not that you know ? or will know ? I feare me , I shall find you an obstinate Curre . Why , did your fellow Lollard cry this morning ? 'Cause Broker kickt him ? why did Broker kicke him ? Because he pist against my Ladies Gowne ? Why , that was no affront ? no ? no distast ? You knew o' none . Yo' are a dissembling Tyke , Commits him . To your hole , againe , your Blocke-house . Lollard , arise , Where did you lift your legge vp , last ? 'gainst what ? Lollard is call'd again . Are you struck Dummerer now ? and whine for mercy ? Whose Kirtle was 't , you gnaw'd too ? Mistresse Bands ? And Waxe's stockings ? who did ? Blocke bescumber Statutes white suite ? wi' the parchment lace there ? And Brokers Sattin dublet ? all will out . They had offence , offence enough to quit mee . Blocke is sūmon'd the second time . Appeare Blocke , fough , 't is manifest . He shewes it , Should he for-sweare 't , make all the Affadauits , Against it , that he could afore the Bench , And twenty Iuries ; hee would be conuinc'd . Hee is remanded - He beares an ayre about him , doth confesse it ! To prison againe , close prison . Not you Lollard , You may enioy the liberty o' the house , And yet there is a quirke come in my head , For which I must commit you too , and close , Doe not repine , it will be better for you . Enter the Ieerers . ACT. V. SCENE . II. CYMBAL . FITTON . SHVNFIELD . ALMANACH . MADRIGAL . PENY-BOY . SEN. LICKFINGER . THis is enough to make the dogs mad too , Let 's in vpon him . P. SE. How now ? what 's the matter ? Come you to force the prisoners ? make a rescue ? FIT. We come to baile your dogs . P. SE. They are not baileable , They stand committed without baile , or mainprise , Your baile cannot be taken . SHV. Then the truth is , We come to vex you . ALM. Ieere you . MAD. Bate you rather . CYM. A bated vserer will be good flesh . FIT. And tender , we are told . P. SE. Who is the Butcher , Amongst you , that is come to cut my throat ? SHV. You would dye a calues death faine : but'tis an Oxes , Is meant you . FIT. To be fairely knock'd o' the head . SHV. With a good Ieere or two . P. SE. And from your iaw-bone , Don Assinigo ? CYM. Shunfield , a Ieere , you haue it . SHV. I doe confesse a washing blow ? but Snarle , You that might play the third dogge , for your teeth , You ha' no money now ? FIT. No , nor no Mortgage . ALM. Nor Band. MAD. Nor Statute . CYM. No , nor blushet Wax . P. SE. Nor you no Office , as I take it . SHV. Cymbal , A mighty Ieere . FIT. Pox o'these true ieasts , I say . MAD. He will turne the better ieerer . ALM. Let 's vpon him , And if we cannot ieere him downe in wit , MAD. Let 's do 't in noyse . SHV. Content . MAD. Charge , man o' warre . ALM. Lay him , abord . SHV. We 'll gi' him a broad side , first . FIT. Wher 's your venison , now ? CYM. Your red-Deer-pyes ? SHV. Wi' your bak'd Turkyes ? ALM. and your Partridges ? MAD. Your Phessants , & fat Swans ? P. SE. Like you , turn'd Geese . MAD. But such as will not keepe your Capitol ? SHV. You were wont to ha●your Breams — ALM. And Trouts sent in ? CYM. Fat Carps , and Salmons ? FIT. I , and now , and then , An Embleme , o' your selfe , an o're-growne Pyke ? P. SE. You are a Iack , Sir. FIT. You ha' made a shift To swallow twenty such poore Iacks ere now . ALM. If he should come to feed vpon poore - Iohn ? MAD. Or turne pure Iack-a-Lent after all this ? FIT. Tut , he 'll liue like a Gras●hopper — MAD. On dew . SHV. Or like a Beare , with licking his owne clawes . CYM. I , If his dogs were away . ALM. He 'll eat them , first , While they are fat . FIT , Faith , and when they are gone , Here 's nothing to be seene beyond . CYM. Except His kindred , Spiders , natiues o' the soyle . ALM. Dust , he will ha' enough here , to breed fleas . MAD. But , by that time , he 'll ha' no blood to reare ' hem . SHV. He will be as thin as a lanterne , we shall see thorow him , ALM. And his gut colon , tell his Intestina — P. SE. Rogues , Rascalls ( * baw waw ) FIT. He calls his dogs to his ayd . ALM. O! they but rise at mention of his tripes . CYM. Let them alone , they doe it not for him . MAD. They barke , se defend●ndo . SHV. Or for custome , As commonly currres doe , one for another . LIC. Arme , arme you , Gentlemen Ieerers , th' old Canter Is comming in vpon you , with his forces , The Gentleman , that was the Canter . SHV. Hence . FIT. Away . CYM. What is he ? ALM. stay not to ask questions . FIT. Hee 's a flame . SHV. A fornace . ALM. A consumption , Kills where hee goes . LIC. See! the whole Couy is scatter'd , They all run away . ' Ware , ' ware the Hawkes . I loue to see him flye . ACT. V. SCENE . VI. PENY-BOY . CA. PENY-BOY . SE. PENI-BOY . IV. PECVNIA . TRAINE . YOu see by this amazement , and distraction , What your companions were , a poore , affrighted , And guilty race of men , that dare to stand No breath of truth : but conscious to themselues Of their no-wit , or honesty , ranne routed At euery Pannicke terror themselues bred . Where else , as confident as sounding brasse , Their tinckling Captaine , Cymbal , and the rest , Dare put on any visor , to deride The wretched : or with buffo● licence , ieast At whatsoe'r is serious , if not sacred . P. SE. Who 's this ? my brother ! and restor'd to life ! P. CA Yes , and sent hither to restore your wits : If your short madnesse , be not more then anger , Conceiued for your losse ! which I returne you . See here , your Mortgage , Statute , Band , and Waxe , Without your Broker , come to abide with you ▪ And vindicate the Prodigall , from stealing Away the Lady . Nay , Pecunia her selfe , Is come to free him fairely , and discharge All ties , but those of Loue , vnto her person , To vse her like a friend , not like a slaue , Or like an Idoll . Superstition Doth violate the Deity it worships : No lesse then scorne doth . And beleeue it , brother The vse of things is all , and not the Store ; Surfet , and fulnesse , haue kill'd more then famine . The Sparrow , with his little plumage , flyes , While the proud Peacocke , ouer-charg●d with pennes , Is faine to sweepe the ground , with his growne traine , And load of feathers . P. SE. Wise , and honour'd brother ! None but a Brother , and sent from the dead , As you are to me , could haue altered me : I thanke my Destiny , that is so gracious . Are there no paines , no Penalties decreed From whence you come , to vs that smother money , In chests , and strangle her in bagges . P. CA. O , mighty , Intolerable fines , and mulcts impo'sd ! ( Of which I come to warne you ) forfeitures Of whole estates , if they be knowne , and taken ! P. SE. I thanke you Brother for the light you haue giuen mee , I will preuent 'hem all . First free my dogges , Lest what I ha' done to them ( and against Law ) Be a Premuniri , for by Magna Charta They could not be committed , as close prisoners , My learned Counsell tells me here , my Cooke . And yet he shew'd me , the way , first . LIC. Who did ? I ? I trench the liberty o' the subiects ? P. CA. Peace , Picklocke , your Ghest , that Stentor , hath infected you , Whom I haue safe enough in a wooden collar . P. SE. Next , I restore these seruants to their Ladie , With freedome , heart of cheare , and countenance ; It is their yeere , and day of Iubilee . TRA. We thanke you , Sir. P. SE. And lastly , to my Nephew , I giue my house , goods , lands , all but my vices , And those I goe to cleanse ; kissing this Lady Whom I doe giue him too , and ioyne their bands . P. CA. If the Spectators will ioyne theirs , wee thanke 'hem . P. IV. And wish they may , as I , enioy Pecunia . PEC. And so Pecunia her selfe doth wish , That shee may still be ayde vnto their vses , Not slaue vnto their pleasures , or a Tyrant Oner their faire desires ; but teach them all The golden meane : the Prodigall , how to liue , The sordid , and the couetous , how to dye , That with sound mind ; this safe frugality . THE END . The Epilogue . THus haue you seene the Makers double scope , To profit , and delight ; wherein our hope Is , though the clout we doe not alwaies hit , It will not be imputed to his wit : A Tree so tri'd , and bent , as'twill not start . Nor doth he often cracke a string of Art , Though there may other accidents as strange Happen , the weather of your lookes may change , Or some high wind of mis-conceit arise , To cause an alteration in our Skyes ; If so , we' are sorry that haue so mis-spent Our Time and Tackle , yet he 'is confident , And vow 's the next faire day , hee 'll haue vs shoot The same match o're for him , if you 'll come to 't . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A04633-e12400 Vrsla comes in , with the scalding-pan . They fight . Shee falls with it . Notes for div A04633-e47020 Pod was a Master of motions before him . He desires to see the booke of Mistresse Grace . He consider with himselfe of it . He takes her along with him . The Iustice calls him . Cokes is handling the Puppets . By Edgeworth . The Cut-purse courts Mistresse Litt●● wit. The doore-keepers againe . Notes for div A04633-e66750 He expresses a longing to see the Diuell . Ingine hath won Fitzdo●trel , to ' say on the cloake . A Niaise is a young Hawke , tane crying out of the nest . Hee repeats his contract againe . Wittipol beginnes . Notes for div A04633-e80100 Shee thinkes her husband watches . He growes more familiar in his Court-ship . Notes for div A04633-e95000 Mere-craft describes the office of Dependancy . Hee offers to be gone . He excepts at his stature . He longs to 〈…〉 . Because it is the Diuell . He puts him in mind of his quarrell . He is angry with himselfe . He thi●kes how to coozen the bearer , of the ring . Questions his man. The Diuell confess●th himselfe c●ozen'd . Mere-craft accuseth him of negligence . He asketh ayde . Mere-craft promiseth faintly , yet comforts him . The Diuel is doubtfull . Notes for div A04633-e109030 He flatters her . Manly offer● to be gone . Mere-craft denies him . The 〈…〉 Tooth-picks . Wittipol giues 〈◊〉 Mistresse Fitz-dottrel . Mere-craft murmures , He is satisfied , now he sees it . He vpbraids her , with his Bill of costs . He enters himselfe with the Ladie 's The Diuell admires him . Hee hopes to be the man. She designes Manly . Eueril applaudes it . Fitz-dottrel is suspicious of Manly still . He would haue his 〈◊〉 again . Notes for div A04633-e129180 Mere-craft seemes full of businesse . He answers quite from the purpose . For Scepticks . They repaire their old plot Fitz-dottrel money· Meaning Mere-craft The Project of forks Sledge is brought about . And Guilt-head comes . Fitz-dottrel disclaimes him . Mere-craft giues the instructions to him and the rest . The Iustice interpret all : Fitz-dottrel leaues counterfaiting . Notes for div A04633-e146710 * His Shooe-maker has pull'd on a new payre of bootes ; and hee walks in his Gowne , wastcoate , and trouses , expecting his Taylor . * He ●rawes foorth his watch , and sets it on the Table . * He throws off his gowne * He goes to the doore , and lookes . He sayes his sute . Hee giues the Taylor leaue to talk . Hee buyes Thom a Clerkes place . Notes for div A04633-e163250 The study is open'd where she sit in state . Shee kisseth him . He doubles the complement to them all . Old Peny-boy thankes her , but makes his condition . Notes for div A04633-e180280 Hee tells Pecunia of Thom. Newes from Rome . Newes of the Emperor , and Tilly. Newes of Spinola . The fifth Monarchy , vniting the Ecclesiasticke and Secular power . A plot of the house of Austria . More of Spinola . His Egges . Galilaeo's study . The burning glasse , by Moon-shine . 〈…〉 Ecle . Peny-boy will haue him change sides ▪ though hee pay for it . Spinola's new proiect : an army in cork-shooes . Extraction of farts The perpetuall Motion . The Office call'd the house of fame . 1. Cust. Ashe baptist . Prophet Baal expected in Helland . Archie mourn'd then . The great Turk turn'd Christian ▪ 2. Cust. A Coloney ●e Cookes sent ouer to con●ert the Canniballs . 3. Cust. By Colonel Lickfinger . T● let long hayre runne to seed ▪ to sow bald pates . Spalato's Legacy to the Players . Gundomar's vse of the game at Chesse , or Play so called . Bethlem Gabors Drum. The Duke of Bauier . 4. Cust. The Pageants . 5. Cust. The new Parke in the Forrest of Fooles . Peny-boy would inuite the Master of the Office Bids him get out of his house . Cymbal railes at him . He ieeres him . Notes for div A04633-e197710 He speakes to all the Ieerers . Lickfinger is challeng'd by Madrigal of an argument . They all beginne the ●ncomium of Pecunia . He vrgeth her to kisse them all . Hee would haue Pecunia home . But shee refuseth . And her Traine . Kicke him , out ▪ Hee exclaimes . One of his Dogges . Canters-Colledge , begun to be erected . That 's Madrigall . Notes for div A04633-e216910 Lollard has the liberty of the house . * His dogges barke . Peny-boy Se. acknowledgeth his elder brother . Her Traine thanks him . A04648 ---- Every Man Out of His Humour Jonson, Ben This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A04648 of text S109225 in the English Short Title Catalog (STC 14767). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. Martin Mueller Incompletely or incorrectly transcribed words were reviewed and in many cases fixed by Nayoon Ahn Yixin Xiao This text has not been fully proofread EarlyPrint Project Evanston IL, Notre Dame IN, St.Louis, Washington MO 2017 Distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License A04648.xml The comicall satyre of euery man out of his humor. As it was first composed by the author B.I. Containing more than hath been publickely spoken or acted. VVith the seuerall character of euery person. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 67 600dpi TIFF G4 page images University of Michigan, Digital Library Production Service Ann Arbor, Michigan 2003 January (TCP phase 1) 99844875 STC (2nd ed.) 14767. Greg, I, 163(a). 9724 A04648

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 The comicall satyre of euery man out of his humor. As it was first composed by the author B.I. Containing more than hath been publickely spoken or acted. VVith the seuerall character of euery person. Every man out of his humor Every man out of his humor. Comicall satyre of every man out of his humor. Euery man out of his humor. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. [136] p. Printed [by Adam Islip] for William Holme, and are to be sold at his shop at Sarjeants Inne gate in Fleetstreet, London : 1600. 1599

B.I. = Ben Jonson.

Printer's name from STC.

Signatures: A-R4.

The first leaf is blank.

Running title reads: Euery man out of his humor.

Quires A-Q have vertical chain lines.

 A04648 shc Every Man Out of His Humour Jonson, Ben Nayoon Ahn Yixin Xiao 1599 play comedy shc no A04648 S109225 (STC 14767). 50237 3 0 0 3001.19B The rate of 1.19 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the B category of texts with fewer than 10 defects per 10,000 words. Incorporated ~ 10,000 textual changes made to the SHC corpus by Hannah Bredar, Kate Needham, and Lydia Zoells between April and July 2015 during visits, separately or together, to the Bodleian, Folger and Houghton Libraries as well as the Rare Book Libraries at Northwestern University and the University of Chicago

The Comicall Satyre of EVERY MAN OVT OF HIS HVMOR .

AS IT WAS FIRST COMPOSED by the AUTHOR B. I.

Containing more than hath been Publickely Spoken or Acted .

VVith the seuerall Character of euery Person .

Non aliena meo pressipede � * si propius stes Te capient magis � * & decies repetita placebunt .

LONDON , Printed for William Holme , and are to be sold at his Shop at Sarjeants Inne gate in Fleetstreet . 1600 .

The names of the Actors . ASPER , The Presenter . MACILENTE . SAVIOLINA . PUNTARVOLO His Ladie . waiting Gent. Huntsman . Seruingmen 2. Dog and Cat . CARLO BUFFONE . FASTID . BRISKE . Cine�do his Page . DELIRO . FALLACE . Fido their Seruant . Musitians . SORDIDO . His Hind . FUNGOSO Taylor . Haberdasher . Shomaker . SOGLIARDO . SHIFT . CLOVE . Rustici . A Groome . Drawers . Co�stable , and Officers . ORENGE . GREX. Cordatus . MITIS .
ASPER his Character .

HE is of an ingenious and free spirit , eager and constant in reproofe , without feare controuling the worlds abuses ; One whome no seruile hope of Gaine , or frostie apprehension of Daunger , can make to be a Parasite , either to Time , Place , or Opinion .

MACILENTE .

A Man well parted , a sufficient Scholler , and travail'd ; who ( wanting that place in the worlds account , which he thinkes his merit capable of ) fals into such an envious Apoplexie , with which his iudgement is so dazeled and distasted , that he growes violently impatient of any opposite happinesse in another .

PUNTARVOLO .

A Vaine-glorious Knight , ouer-Englishing his trauels , and wholly consecrated to Singularitie ; the very Iacobs staffe of Complement : a Sir that hath liu'd to see the revolution of Time in most of his apparell . Of presence good ynough , but so palpably affected to his owne praise , that ( for want of flatterers ) he commends himself to the floutage of his own Familie . He deales vpon returns , and strange performances , resoluing ( in despight of publicke derision ) to sticke to his own particular fashion , phrase , and gesture .

CARLO BUFFONE .

A Publick scurrulous , and prophane Iester ; that ( more swift than Circe ) with absurd Simile's will transforme any person into Deformitie . A good Feast-hound or Banket-beagell , that will sent you out a supper some three mile off , and sweare to his Patrons ( God dam me ) he came in Oars when he was but wasted ouer in a Sculler . A slaue that hath an extraordinarie gift in pleasing his Pallat , and will swill vp more Sacke at a sitting , than would make all the Guard a Posset . His Religion is railing , and his discourse Ribaldrie . They stand highest in his respect , whom he studies most to reproch .

FASTIDIUS BRISKE .

A Neat , spruce , affecting Courtier , one that weares clothes well , and in Fashion ; practiseth by his glasse how to salute ; speakes good Remnants ( notwithstanding the Base-violl and Tabacco : ) sweares tersely , and with varietie , cares not what Ladies fauor he belies , or great mans familiaritie : a good propertie to perfume the boot of a Coach . Hee will borrow another mans Horse to praise , and backs him as his own . Or for a need on foot can post himselfe into credite with his Merchant , only with the Gingle of his spurre , and the Ierke of his Wand .

DELIRO .

A Good doting Citizen , who ( it is thought ) might be of the Common Counsell for his wealth : a fellow sincerely besotted on his owne wife , and so rapt with a conceit of her perfections , that hee simply holds himselfe vnworthie of her . And in that hood-winkt Humour , liues more like a Suter than a husband ; standing in as true dread of her displeasure , as when hee first made loue to her . He doth sacrifice twopence in Iuniper to her euery morning before sherises , & wakes her with villanous-out-of-tune Musick , which shee out of her Contempt ( though not out of her iudgement ) is sure to dislike .

FALLACE .

DEliro's Wise and Idoll , a proud mincing Peat , and as peruerse as hee is officious , shee dotes as perfectly vpon the Courtier , as her husband doth on her , and onely wants the Face to be dishonest .

SAVIOLINA .

A Court Ladie , whose weightiest praise is a light wit , admir'd by her selfe and one more , her seruant Briske .

SORDIDO .

A Wretched Hobnail'd Chuffe , whose recreation , is reading of Almanacks ; and selicitie , foule weather . One that neuer pray'd , but for a leane Dearth , and euer wept in a fat Haruest .

FUNGOSO .

THe sonne of Sordido , and a student : one that has revel'd in his time , and followes the Fashion a farre off like a Spie . He makes it the whole bent of his endeuours to wring sufficient meanes from his wretched father , to put him in the Courtiers Cut : at which he earnestly aims , but so vnluckily , that he still lights short a Sute .

SOGLIARDO .

AN essentiall clowne , brother to Sordido , yet so enamour'd of the name of a Gentleman , that he will haue it though be buyes it . Hee comes vp euery . Tearm to learn to take Tabacco & see new Motions . He is in his Kingdome when hee can get himselfe into companie , where hee may bee well laught at .

SHIFT .

A Thredbare Sharke . One that neuer was Soldior , yet liues vpon lendings . His profession is skeldring and odling , his Banke Poules , and his Ware-house Pict-hatch . Takes vp single Testons vpon Oths till dooms day . Fals vnder Executions of three shillings , & enters into fiue groat Bonds . He way-layes the reports of seruices , and cons them without booke , damming himselfe be came new from them , when all the while hee was taking the diet in a bawdie house , or lay pawn'd in his chamber for rent and victuals . Hee is of that admirable and happie Memorie , that hee will salute one for an old acquaintance , that hee neuer saw in his life before . Hee vsurps vpon Cheats , Quarrels , & Robberies , which he neuer did , only to get but a name . His cheef exercises are taking the VVhiffe , squiring a Cocatrice , and making priuie searches for Imparters .

CLOVE AND ORENGE .

AN inseperable Case of Coxcombs , citie-born ; The Gemini or Twins of ��� of better ranke ( to auoid the suspect of insufficiencie ) will enforce their Ignorance most desperatly , to set vpon the vnderstanding of any thing . Orenge is the more humorous of the two ( whose small portion of iuice ( being squeez'd out ) Cloue serues to sticke him with Commendations .

CORDATUS .

THe Authors friend ; A man inly acquainted with the Scope & Drift of his Plot : Of a discreet and vnderstanding Iudgement ; and has the place of a Moderator .

MITIS .

IS a person of no Action , and therefore wee haue REASON to affourd him no Character .

IT was not neere his thoughts that hath publisht this , either to traduce the Authour ; or to make vulgar and cheape , any the peculiar and sufficient deserts of the Actors ; but rather ( whereas many Censures flutter'd about it ) to giue all leaue , and leisure , to iudge with Distinction .

Euery man out of his Humor . Inductio , sono secundo . GREX . Asper , Cordatus , Mitis . Cord. NAy my deere Asper , Mit. Stay your mind , Asp. Away . VVho is so patient of this impious world , That he can checke his spirit , or reine his tongue ? Or who hath such a dead vnfeeling sence , That heauens horride thunders cannot wake ? To see the earth , crackt with the weight of sinne , Hell gaping vnder vs , and o're our heads Blacke rau'nous Ruine with her saile-stretcht wings , Readie to sinke vs downe and couer vs . VVho can behold such prodigies as these , And haue his lips seal'd vp ? not I : my soule VVas neuer ground into such oyly colours , To flatter Vice and daube Iniquitie : But ( with an armed , and resolued hand ) I le strip the ragged follies of the time Naked as at their birth : Cord. Be not too bold , Asp. You trouble me , and with a whip of steele Print wounding lashes in their yron ribs . I feare no mood stampt in a private brow , VVhen I am pleas'd t' vnmaske a publicke vice . I feare no strumpets drugs , nor ruffians stab , Should I detect their hatefull luxuries ; No brokers , vsurers , or lawyers gripe , VVere I dispos'd to say , they 're all corrupt . I feare no courtiers frowne , should I applaud The easie flexure of his supple hammes : Tut , these are so innate and popular , That drunken Custome would not shame to laugh ( In scorne ) at him , that should but dare to taxe 'hem : And yet , not one of these but knowes his VVorkes , Knowes what Damnation is , the Deuill , and Hell , Yet howerly they persist , grow ranke in sinne , Puffing their soules away in perj'rous aire , To cherish their extortion , pride , or lusts . Mit. Forbeare good Asper , be not like your name . Asp. O , but to such , whose faces are all zeale , And ( with the words of Hercules ) invade Such crimes as these ; that will not smell of sinne , But seeme as they were made of Sanctitie ; Religion in their garments , and their haire Cut shorter than their eie-browes ; when the conscience Is vaster than the Ocean , and deuours More wretches than the Counters . Mit. Gentle Asper , Containe your spirit in more stricter bounds , And be not thus transported with the violence Of your strong thoughts . Cord. Vnlesse your breath had power To melt the world , and mould it new againe , It is in vaine to spend it in these moods . Asp. I not obseru'd this thronged round till now : Gracious , and kind Spectators , you are welcome , Apollo , and the Muses feast your eies VVith gracefull obiects ; and may our Minerva Answere your hopes , vnto their largest straine . Yet here , mistake me not judicious friends : I doe not this to beg your patience , Or servilely to fawne on your applause , Like some drie braine , despairing in his merit : Let me be censur'd , by th' austerest brow , VVhere I want art , or judgement , taxe me freely : Let envious Critickes with their broadest eies Looke through and through me ; I pursue no fauor : Onely vouchsafe me your attentions , And I will giue you musicke worth your eares . O how I hate the monstrousnesse of time , VVhere every servile imitating spirit , ( Plagu'd with an itching leprosie of wit ) In a meere halting furie , striues to fling His vlc'rous bodie in the Thespian spring , And streight leap's forth a Poet ; but as lame As Vulcane , or the founder of Criplegate . Mit. In faith this Humor will come ill to some , You will be thought to be too peremptorie . Asp. This Humor ? good ; and why this Humour , Mitis ? Nay doe not turne , but answere . Mit. Answere ? what ? Asp. I will not stirre your patience , pardon mee , I vrg'd it for some reasons , and the rather To give these ignorant well-spoken daies Some tast of their abuse of this word Humor . Cor. O doe not let your purpose fall , good Asper , It cannot but arriue most acceptable , Cheefely to such as have the happinesse Daily to see how the poore innocent word Is rackt , and tortur'd . Mit. I ; I pray you proceed . Asp. Ha ? what ? what is 't ? Cord. For the abuse of Humor . Asp. O , I craue pardon , I had lost my thoughts . VVhy Humor ( as 't is ens ) we thus define it To be a qualitie of aire or water , And in it selfe holds these two properties , Moisture and Fluxure : As for demonstration , Poure water on this floore , 't will wet and runne , Likewise the aire ( forc't through a horne or trumpet ) Flowes instantly away , and leaves behind A kind of dew ; and hence we doe conclude , That what soe're hath fluxure and humiditie , As wanting power to containe it selfe , Is Humor : so in euery humane bodie The choller , melancholy , flegme , and bloud , By reason that they flow continually In some one part , and are not continent , Receiue the name of Humors . Now thus farre It may by Metaphore applie it selfe Vnto the generall disposition , As when some one peculiar qualitie Doth so possesse a man , that it doth draw All his affects , his spirits , and his powers In their confluctions all to runne one way , This may be truly said to be a Humor , But that a Rooke in wearing a pied feather , The cable hatband , or the three-pild ruffe , A yard of shoe-tie , or the Switzers knot On his French garters , should affect a Humour , O , 't is more than most ridiculous . Cord. He speakes pure truth : now if an Ideot Have but an Apish or Phantasticke straine , It is his Humour . Asp. VVell I will scourge those apes , And to these courteous eies oppose a mirror As large as is the stage whereon we act , VVhere they shall see the times deformitie , Anatomiz'd in every Nerve and sinew , VVith constant courage , and contempt of feare . Mit. Asper ( I urge it as your friend ) take heed , The daies are dangerous , full of exception , And men are growne impatient of reproofe . Asp. Ha , ha : You might as well haue told me , yond' is heauen , This earth , these men ; and all had mou'd alike . Doe not I know the times condition ? Yes Mitis ; and their soules , and who they be That either will or can except against me : None but a sort of fooles , so sicke in tast , That they contemne all Phisicke of the mind , And like gald Camels kicke at every touch Good men , and vertuous spirits , that loath their vices , VVill cherish my free labours , love my lines , And with the fervor of their shining grace , Make my braine fruitfull to bring forth more obiects VVorthie their serious and intentiue eies . But why enforce I this , as fainting ? no : If any here chance to behold himselfe , Let him not dare to challenge me of wrong , For if he shame to have his follies knowne , First he should shame to act 'hem : my strict hand VVas made to ceaze on vice ; and with a gripe Crush out the Humor of such spongie soules , As licke vp euery idle vanitie . Cord. VVhy this is right Furor Poeticus : Kind gentlemen , we hope your patience VVill yet conceiue the best , or entertaine This supposition , That a madman speakes . Asp. VVhat ? are you readie there ? Mitis sit downe ; And my Cordatus . Sound hoe , and begin : I leave you two as Censors to sit here , Obserue what I present , and liberally Speake your opinions , vpon euery Scene , As it shall passe the view of these Spectators , Nay now , y' are tedious Sirs , for shame begin : And Mitis , note me if in all this front , You can espie a gallant of this marke , VVho ( to be thought one of the judicious ) Sits with his armes thus wreath'd , his hat pul'd here , Cries meaw , and nods , then shakes his empty head , VVill shew more seuerall motions in his face Than the new London , Rome , or Nineueh , And ( now and then ) breakes a drie bisket jest , VVhich that it may more easily be chew'd , He steeps in his owne laughter . Cord. VVhy ? will that Make it be sooner swallow'd ? Asp. O , assure you : Or if it did not , yet as Horace sings : " Ieiunus rar stomachus vulgaria temnit , " Meane cates are welcome still to hungrie guests . Cord. 'T is true , but why should we obserue 'hem Asper ? Asp. O I would know 'hem , for in such assemblies , Th' are more infectious than the Pestilence , And therefore I would giue them pils to purge , And make 'hem fit for faire societies . How monstrous and detested is 't to see A fellow that has neither art nor braine , Sit like an Aristarchus , or starke asse , Taking mens lines with a Tabacco face In snuffe , still spitting , vsing his wried lookes ( In nature of a vice ) to wrest and turne The good aspect of those that shall sit neere him , From what they doe behold ? O t is most vile . Mit. Nay Asper . Asp. Peace Mitis , I doe know your thought : You 'le say , your audience will except at this ? Pish : you are too timorous , and full of doubt : Then , he a patient , shall reiect all Phisicke 'Cause the physitian tels him you are sicke : Or , if I say That he is vicious , You will not heare of vertue : come , y' are fond . Shall I be so extravagant to thinke That happie judgements and composed spirits VVill challenge me for taxing such as these ? I am asham'd . Cord. Nay , but good pardon vs : VVe must not beare this peremptorie saile , But vse our best endevours how to please . Asp. VVhy therein I commend your carefull thoughts , And I will mixe with you in industrie To please ; but whom ? attentive auditors , Such as will joine their profit with their pleasure , And come to feed their vnderstanding parts : For these , I le prodigally spend my selfe , And speake away my spirit into aire ; For these , I le melt my braine into invention , Coine new conceits , and hang my richest words As polisht jewels in their bounteous eares . But stay , I loose my selfe , and wrong their patience ; If I dwell here , they 'le not begin , I see : Friends sit you still , and entertaine this troupe VVith some familiar and by-conference , I le hast them sound : now gentlemen I goe To turne an Actor , and a Humorist , VVhere ( ere I doe resume my present person ) VVe hope to make the circles of your eies Flow with distilled laughter : if we faile , VVe must impute it to this onely chance , " Art hath an enemie cal'd Ignorance . Exit . Cord. How doe you like his spirit , Mitis ? Mit. I should like it much better , if he were lesse confident . Cord. VVhy , doe you suspect his merit ? Mit. No , but I feare this will procure him much envie . Cordatus .

O , that sets the stronger seale on his desert , if he had no enemies , I should esteeme his fortunes most wretched at this instant .

Mit.

You have seene his play Cordatus ? pray you ; how is 't ?

Cord.

Faith sir , I must refraine to judge , onely this I can say of it , 't is strange , and of a perticular kind by it selfe , somewhat like Vetus Comoedia : a worke that hath bounteously pleased me , how it will answere the generall expectation , I know not .

Mit.

Does he observe all the lawes of Comedie in it ?

Cord.

VVhat lawes meane you ?

Mit.

VVhy the equall deuision of it into Acts and Scenes , according to the Terentian manner , his true number of Actors ; the furnishing of the Scene with Grex or Chorus , and that the whole Argument fall within compasse of a daies efficiencie .

Cord.

O no , these are too nice observations .

Mit.

They are such as must bee received by your fauour , or it cannot be Authentique .

Cord.

Troth I can discerne no such necessitie .

Mit.

No ?

Cord.

No , I assure you signior ; if those lawes you speake of , had beene deliuered vs , ab Initio ; and in their present vertue and perfection , there had beene some reason of obeying their powers : but 't is extant , that that which wee call Comoedia , was at first nothing but a simple and continued Satyre , sung by one only person , till Susario invented a second , after him Epicharmus a third , Phormus , and Chionides devised to have foure actors , with a Prologue and Chorus ; to which Cratinus ( long after ) added a fift and sixt ; Eupolis more , Aristophanes more than they : every man in the dignitie of his spirit and judgement , supplied something : and ( though that in him this kind of Poeme appeared absolute , and fully perfected ) yet how is the face of it chang'd since , in Menander , Philemon , Cecilius , Plautus , and the rest ; who have vtterly excluded the Chorus , altered the propertie of the persons , their names , and natures , and augmented it with all libertie , according to the elegancie and disposition of those times wherein they wrote ? I see not then but we should enjoy the same Licentia or free power , to illustrate and heighten our invention as they did ; and not be tied to those strict and regular forms , which the nicenesse of a fewe ( who are nothing but Forme ) would thrust vpon vs .

Mit.

VVell , we will not dispute of this now : but what 's his Scene ?

Cor.

Mary Insula fortunata , Sir .

Mit.

O , the fortunate Iland ? masse hee has bound himselfe to a strict law there .

Cor.

VVhy so ?

Mit.

He cannot lightly alter the Scene without crossing the seas .

Cor.

He needs not , having a whole Iland to runne through , I thinke .

Mit.

No ? how comes it then , that in some one play wee see so many seas , countries , and kingdomes , past over with such admirable dexteritie ?

Cor.

O , that but shewes how well the Authors can travaile in their vocation , and out-run the apprehension of their Auditorie . But leaving this , I would they would begin once : this protraction is able to sower the best-setled patience in the Theatre .

Mit.

They have answered your wish sir : they sound .

Sound the third time . ENTER PROLOGVE . Cord.

O here comes the Prologue : Now sir , if you had staid a little longer , I meant to have spoke your Prologue for you , I faith .

Prol.

Mary with all my heart sir , you shall doe it yet , and I thanke you .

Cord.

Nay , nay , stay , stay , heare you ?

Pro.

You could not have studied to ha' done me a greater benefit at the instant , for I protest to you , I am vnperfect , and ( had I spoke it ) I must of necessitie have been out .

Cor.

VVhy but doe you speake this seriously ?

Pro.

Seriously ! I ( God 's my helpe doe I ) and esteeme my selfe indebted to your kindnesse for it .

Cor.

For what ?

Pro.

VVhy for vndertaking the Prologue for me .

Cor.

How ? did I vndertake it for you ?

Pro.

Did you ! I appeale to all these gentlemen whether you did or no ? Come , it pleases you to cast a strange looke on 't now ; but 't will not serue .

Cor.

Fore God but it must serue : and therefore speake your Prologue .

Pro.

And I doe , let me die poyson'd with some venemous hisse , and neuer liue to looke as high as the two-pennie roome againe .

Exit . Mit.

He has put you to it , sir .

Cord.

Sdeath , what a humorous fellow is this ? Gentlemen , good faith I can speake no Prologue , howsoeuer his weake wit has had the fortune to make this strong vse of me here before you : but I protest ;

Enter Carlo Buffone , with a boy . Carl.

Come , come , leave these fustian protestations : away , come , I cannot abide these gray-headed ceremonies . Boy , fetch me a glasse , quickly , I may bid these gentlemen welcom ; giue 'hem a health here : I marl'e whose wit 't was to put a Prologue in you 'd sackbuts mouth : they might well thinke hee 'ld be out of tune , and yet you 'ld play vpon him too .

Exit boy . Cord.

Hang him dull blocke .

Carl.

O good words , good words , a well-timberd fellow , he would ha' made a good columne and he had been thought on when the house was a building . O art thou Enter boy with a glasse . come ? well said : giue me ; boy , fill , so : here 's a cup of wine sparkles like a diamond . Gentlewomen , ( I am sworne to put them in first ) and Gentlemen , a round , in place of a bad Prologue , I drinke this good draught to your health here , Canarie , the verie Elixi'r and spirit of ( He drinks . ) wine : this is that our Poet calls Castalian liquor , whe� he comes abroad ( now and then ) once in a fortnight , and makes a good meale among Players , where hee has Caninum appetitum : mary at home he keepes a good Philosophicall diet , beans and butter-milke : an honest pure rogue , he will take you off three , foure , fiue of these one after another , and looke vilanously when he has done , like a one-headed Cerberus ( he do' not heare me I hope ) and then ( when his belly is well ballac't , and his braine rigg'd a little ) hee sailes away withall , as though hee would worke wonders when he comes home : he has made a play here , & he calls it ; Euery man out of his Humor : Sblood and he get me out of the humor hee has put me in , I le ner'e trust none of his tribe againe , while I liue : Gentles , all I can say for him , is , you are welcome . I could wish my bottle here amongst you : but there 's an old rule ; No pledging your own health : mary if any here be thirstie for it , their best way ( that I know ) is , sit still , seale vp their lips , and drinke so much of the play in at their eares .

Exit . Mit.

VVhat may this fellow be , Cordatus ?

Cord.

Faith , if the time will suffer his description , I 'le giue it you : he is one , the Author calls him Carlo Buffone , an impudent common jester , a violent railer , and an incomprehensible Epicure : one , whose companie is desir'd of all men , but belou'd of none ; hee will sooner loose his soule than a jest , and prophane euen the most holy things , to excite laughter : no honourable or reuerend personage whatsoeuer , can come within the reach of his eye , but is turn'd into all manner of varietie , by his adult'rate simile's .

Mit.

You paint forth a monster .

Cord.

Hee will preferre all countries before his natiue , and thinkes he can neuer sufficiently , or with admiration enough , deliuer his affectionate conceit of forrein Atheisticall pollicies : but stay , obserue these , hee 'le appeare himselfe anon .

Enter Macilente , solus . Mit.

O , this is your enuious man ( Macilente ) I thinke .

Cor.

The same , sir .

ACTVS PRIMVS .
SCENA PRIMA . Mac. Viri est , fortunae caecitatem facile ferre : T is true ; but Stoique : where ( in the vast world ) Doth that man breath , that can so much commaund His blood and his affection ? well : I see , I striue in vaine to cure my wounded soule ; For euery cordiall that my thoughts apply Turns to a cor'siue , and doth eat it farder . There is no tast in this Philosophie , T is like a Potion that a man should drinke , But turnes his stomacke with the sight of it . I am no such pild Cinique , to beleeue That beggerie is the only happinesse ; Or ( with a number of these patient fooles ) To sing : My mind to me a kingdome is , VVhen the lanke hungrie belly barkes for food : I looke into the world , and there I meet VVith obiects , that doe strike my blood-shot eyes Into my braine : where , when I view my selfe ; Having before obseru'd : this man is great , Mightie , and fear'd : that , lou'd and highly fauour'd : A third , thought wise and learned : a fourth , rich , And therefore honour'd : a fifth , rarely featur'd : A sixth , admir'd for his nuptiall fortunes : VVhen I see these ( I say ) and view my selfe , I wish my Optique instruments were crackt ; And that the engine of my griefe could cast Mine eye-balls like two globes of wild-fire forth , To melt this vnproportion'd frame of Nature . Oh , they are thoughts that haue transfixt my heart , And often ( i' the strength of apprehension ) Made my cold passion stand vpon my face , Like drops of sweat on a stiffe cake of yce . GREX . Cor. This alludes well to that of the Poet , Inuidus suspirat , gemit , incutitque dentes , Sudat frigidus , intuens quod odit . Mit. O peace , you breake the Scene . Enter Sogliardo , with Carlo Buffone .
SCENA SEC . Mac. Soft , who be these ? I 'le lay me downe a while till they be past . GREX . Cor.

Signior , note this gallant I pray you .

Mit.

VVhat is hee ?

Cor.

A tame Rooke , you le take him presently : List .

Sog.

Nay looke you Carlo : this is my Humour now ; I haue land and money , my friends left me well , and I will be a gentleman whatsoever it cost me .

Car.

A most gentleman-like resolution .

Sog.

Tut , and I take an humour of a thing once , I am like your taylors needle , I go through : but , for my name Signior , how think you ? will it not serue for a gentlemans name , when the Signior is put to it ? Ha ?

Car.

Let me heare : how is 't ?

Sog.

Signior Insulso Sogliardo : me thinkes it sounds well .

Car.

O excellent : tut and all fitted to your name , you might very well stand for a gentleman : I know many Sogliardos gentlemen .

Sog.

VVhy and for my wealth I might be a Iustice of peace .

Car.

I , and a Constable for your wit .

Sog.

All this is my lordship you see here , and those farmes you came by .

Car.

Good steps to gentilitie too , mary : but Sogliardo , if you affect to be a gentleman indeed , you must observe all the rare qualities , humors , and complements of a gentleman .

Sog.

I know it signior , and if you please to instruct , I am not too good to learne , I le assure you .

Car.

Inough sir : I le make admirable vse i' the proiection of my medicine vpon this lumpe of copper here . I le bethinke me for you sir .

Sog.

Signior , I will both pay you and pray you , and thanke you and thinke on you .

GREX . Cord.

Is not this purely good ?

Mac. Sbloud , why should such a prick-eard Hind as this Bee rich ? Ha ? a foole ? such a transparent gull That may be seene through ? wherefore should hee haue land , Houses , and lordships ? O , I could eat my entrailes , And sinke my soule into the earth with sorrow . Car.

First ( to be an accomplisht gentleman , that is , a gentleman of the time ) you must giue o're housekeeping in the cou�trey , and liue altogether in the citie amongst gallants ; where , at your first apparance , 't were good you turnd foure or fiue hundred acres of your best land into two or three trunkes of apparell ; you may doe it without going to a Coniurer : and be sure you mixe your selfe still , with such as flourish in the spring of the fashion , and are least popular ; studie their carriage and behauior in all : learne to play at Primero and Passage , and ( euer when you loose ) ha' two or three peculiar othes to sweare by , that no man else sweares : but aboue all , protest in your play , and affirme , Vpon your credite ; As you are a true gentleman ( at euery cast : ) you may do it with a safe conscience , I warrant you .

Sog.

O admirable rare ! hee cannot chuse but bee a gentleman , that ha's these excellent gifts : more , more , I beseech you .

Car.

You must endevour to feed cleanly at your Ordinarie , sit melancholy , and pick your teeth when you cannot speake : and when you come to Plaies , bee Humorous , looke with a good starch't face , and ruffle your brow like a new boot , laugh at nothing but your own jests , or else as the Noblemen laugh ; that 's a speciall grace you must obserue .

Sog.

I warrant you , sir .

Car.

I , and sit o' the stage , and flout ; prouided , you haue a good suit .

Sog.

O I 'le haue a suit only for that sir .

Car.

You must talke much of your kinred and allies .

Sog.

Lies ! no Signior , I shall not need to doe so , I haue kinred i' the cittie to talke of : I haue a neece is a merchants wife ; and a nephew , my brother Sordidos sonne , of the Innes of court .

Car.

O but you must pretend alliance with Courtiours and great persons : and euer when you are to dine or suppe in any strange presence , hire a fellow with a great chaine ( though it be copper it 's no matter ) to bring you letters , feign'd from such a noble man , or such a knight , or such a Ladie , To their worshipfull , right rare , and noble qualified friend or kinsman , Signior Insulso Sogliardo ; giue your selfe stile enough . And there ( while you intend circumstances of newes , or enquirie of their health , or so ) one of your familiars ( whome you must carrie about you still ) breakes it vp ( as 't were in a jeast ) and reads it publikely at the table : at which , you must seeme to take as vnpardonable offence as if hee had torne your mistresse colours , or breath'd vpon her picture ; and pursue it with that hot grace , as if you would enforce a challenge vpon it presently .

Sog.

Stay , I doe not like that humor of challenge , it may be accepted : but I 'le tell you what 's my humor now : I will do this , I will take occasion of sending one of my suites to the Taylors to haue the pocket repaired , or so ; and there such a letter as you talke of ( broke open and all ) shall be left : O , the Taylor will presently giue out what I am vpon the reading of it : worth twentie of your Gallants .

Car.

But then you must put on an extreame face of discontentment at your mans negligence .

Sog.

O , so I will , and beate him too : I 'le haue a man for the purpose .

Mac.

You may ; you haue land and crownes : O partiall Fate !

Car.

Masse well remembred , you must keepe your men gallant , at the first , fine pied Liueries laid with good gold lace , there 's no losse in it , they may rip 't off and pawn it , when they lacke victuals .

Sog.

By r Ladie that is chargeable Signior , 't will bring a man in debt .

Car.

Debt ? why that 's the more for your credit sir : it 's an excellent pollicie to owe much in these daies , if you note it .

Sog.

As how good Signior ? I would faine be a Polititian .

Car.

O , looke where you are indebted any great summe , your creditor observes you with no lesse regard , than if he were bound to you for some huge benefit , and will quake to giue you the least cause of offence , least hee loose his money : I assure you ( in these times ) no man has his servant more obsequious and pliant , than gentlemen their creditors : to whome ( if at any time ) you pay but a moiety or a fourth part , it comes more acceptedly , than if you gaue 'hem a new yeares gift .

Sog.

I perceiue you sir , I will take up , aud bring my selfe in credit sure .

Car.

Marry this ; alwaies beware you commerce not with bankrupts , or poore needie Ludgathians : they are impudent creatures , turbulent spirits , they care not what violent tragedies they stirre , nor how they play fast and loose with a poore gentlemans fortunes to get their owne : marry , these rich fellowes ( that ha' the world , or the better part of it , sleeping in their countinghouses ) they are ten times more placable , they : either feare , hope , or modestie , restraines them from offering any outrages : but this is nothing to your followers , you shall not run a pennie more in arrerage for them , and you list your selfe .

Sog.

No ? how should I keepe 'hem then ?

Carl.

Keepe 'hem ? Sbloud let them keepe themselves , they are no sheepe , are they ? VVhat ? you shall come in houses , where plate , apparrell , rewels , and diverse other prettie commodities lie negligently scattered , and I would ha' those Mercuries follow me ( I trow ) should remember they had not their fingers for nothing .

Sog.

That 's not so good me thinkes .

Car.

VVhy after you have kept 'hem a fornight or so , and shew'd 'hem ynough to the world , you may turne 'hem away , and keepe no more but a boy , it 's ynough .

Sog.

Nay my humor is not for boies , I le keepe men , and I keepe any ; and I le giue coats , that 's my humour : but I lacke a Cullisen .

Car.

VVhy now you ride to the citie , you may buy one , I le bring you where you shall ha' your choise for money .

Sog.

Can you sir ?

Car.

O I : you shall haue one take measure of you , and make you a Coat of armes to fit you of what fashion you will .

Sog.

By word of mouth I thank you Signior ; I le be once a little prodigal in a Humor in faith , and haue a most prodigious Coat .

Mac. Torment and death , breake head and braine at once To be deliuer'd of your fighting issue . VVho can endure to see blind Fortune dote thus ? To be enamour'd on this dustie Turfe ? This clod ? a horson Puckefist ? O God , God , God , God , &c. I could runne wild with greefe now to behold The ranknesse of her bounties , that doth breed Such bullrushes ; these Mushrompe Gentlemen , That shoot vp in a night to place and worship . Car.

Let him alone , some stray , some stray .

Sog.

Nay I will examine him before I goe sure .

Car.

The Lord of the soile ha's all wefts and straies here ? ha's he not ?

Sog.

Yes sir .

Car.

Faith then I pittie the poore fellow , he 's falne into a fooles hands .

Sog.

Sirah , who gaue you commission to lie in my Lordship ?

Mac.

Your Lordship ?

Sog.

How ? my Lordship ? doe you know me sir ?

Mac.

I doe know you sir .

Car.

S'heart , he answeres him like an Eccho .

Sog.

VVhy , who am I Sir ?

Mac.

One of those that fortune fauors .

Car.

The Periphrasis of a foole ; I le obserue this better .

Sog.

That fortune fauors ? how meane you that friend ?

Mac.

I meane simply ; That you are one that liues not by your wits .

Sog.

By my wits ? No sir , I scorne to liue by my wits , I ; I haue better meanes I tell thee , than to take such base courses , as to liue by my wits . Sbloud doest thou thinke I liue by my wits ?

Mac.

Me thinkes Iester , you should not relish this well .

Car.

Ha ? does he know me ?

Mac.

Though yours be the worst vse a man can put his wit too of thousands , to prostitute it at euery Tauerne and Ordinarie ; yet ( me thinks ) you should haue turn'd your broad side at this , and haue been readie with an Apologie , able to sinke this Hulke of Ignorance into the bottome , and depth of his Contempt .

Car.

Sbloud 't is Macilente : Signior , you are wel encountred , how is 't ? O we must not regard what he saies man , a Trout , a shallow foole , he ha's no more braine than a Butterflie , a meer stuft suit , he looks like a mustie Bottle , new wickerd , his head 's the Corke , light , light . I am glad to see you so well return'd Signior .

Mac.

You are ? Gramercie good Ianus .

Sog.

Is he one of your acquaintance ? I loue him the better for that .

Car.

Gods pretious , come away man , what do you mean ? and you knew him as I do , you 'ld shun him , as you 'ld do the plague ?

Sog.

VVhy sir ?

Car.

O , hee 's a blacke fellow , take heed on him .

Sog.

Is he a Scholler or a Soldior ?

Car.

Both , both ; a leane Mungrell , hee lookes as if he were chap-falne with barking at other mens good fortunes : 'ware how you offend him , hee carries Oile and Fire in his pen , will scald where it drops , his Spirit 's like Powder , quick , violent : hee 'le blow a man vp with a jest : I feare him worse than a rotten VVall do's the Cannon , shake an hower after at the report : away , come not neere him .

Sog.

For Gods sake let 's be gone , and he be a Scholler , you know I cannot abide him , I had as leeue see a Cocatrice , specially as Cocatrices goe now .

Car.

VVhat , you 'le stay signior ? this gentleman Sogliardo and I are to visit the knight Puntarvolo , and from thence to the Citie , we shall meet there .

Exeunt Car. and Sog. Mac. I , when I cannot shun you , we will meet . 'T is strange : of all the creatures I haue seene , I enuie not this Buffon , for indeed Neither his fortunes nor his parts deserue it ; But I doe hate him as I hate the deuill , Or that brasse-visag'd monster Barbarisme . O , 't is an open-throated , blacke-mouth'd curre , That bites at all , but eates on those that feed him , A slaue , that to your face will ( Serpent-like ) Creepe on the ground , as he would eat the dust ; And to your backe will turne the taile and sting More deadly than a Scorpion : stay , who 's this ? Now for my soule , another minion Of the old lady Chance's : I 'le obserue him . Enter Sordido with a Prognostication .
SCENA TER. Sord.

O rare , good , good , good , good , good , I thanke my Christ , I thanke my Christ for it .

Mac. Said I not true ? doth not his passion speake Out of my diuination ? O my sences , VVhy loose you not your powers , and become Dead , dull , and blunted with this Spectacle ? I know him , 't is Sordido , the farmer , A Boore , and brother to that Swine was here . Sor. Excellent , excelle�t , excelle�t , as I would wish , as I would wish . Mac. See how the strumpet Fortune tickles him , And makes him swoune with laughter , O , O , O. Sord.

Ha , ha , ha , I will not sow my grounds this yeere , Let me see , what haruest shall we haue ? Iune , Iulie ?

Mac.

VVhat is 't a Prognostication rap's him so ?

Sord.

The xx. xxi.xxij . daies , raine and wind , O good , good ; the xxiij . and xxiiij . raine and some wind , good ; the xxv. rain , good still ; xxvj . xxvij.xxviij , wind and some raine ; would it had been raine and some wind : well 't is good ( when it can bee no better ) xxix. inclining to raine : in to raine that 's not so good now . xxx. and xxxj. wind and no raine : no raine ? S'lid stay ; this is worse and worse : what saies he of S. Swithins ? turne backe , looke , S. Swithins : no raine ?

Mac. O here 's a pretious filthy damned rogue , That fats himselfe with expectation Of rotten weather , and vnseason'd howers ; And he is rich for it , an elder brother , His barnes are full , his reekes , and mowes well trod , His garners cracke with store . O , t is well ; ha , ha , ha : A plague consume thee and thy house . Sord.

O here , S. Swithins , the xv. day , variable weather , for the most part raine , good ; for the most part raine : VVhy it should raine fortie daies after now , more or lesse , it was a rule held afore I was able to hold a plough , and yet here are two daies , no rain ; ha ? it makes me muse . VVee le see how the next month begins , if that be better . August : August , first , second , third , and fourth daies , rainie , and blustering ; this is well now : fift , sixt , seventh , eight , and ninth , raine , with some thunder ; I marry , this is excellent ; the other was false printed sure : the tenth and eleuenth , great store of raine ; O good , good , good , good , good ; the twelft , thirteenth , and fourteenth daies , rain ; good still : fifteenth and sixteenth , raine ; good still : seuenteenth and eighteenth , raine , good still ; nineteenth and twentieth , Good still , good still , good still , good still , good still ; one and twentieth , some raine ; some raine ? well , wee must bee patient , and attend the heauens pleasure , would it were more though : the one and twentith , two and twentith , three and twentith , great tempest of raine , thunder , and lightning .

O good againe , past expectation good : I thanke my blessed angell ; neuer , neuer , Laid I penny better out than this , To purchase this deare booke : not deare for price , And yet of me as dearely priz'd as life , Since in it is contain'd the very life , Bloud , strength , and sinewes of my happinesse : Blest be the houre wherein I bought this booke , His studies happy that compos'd the booke , And the man fortunate that sold the booke : Sleepe with this charme , and be as true to me As I am joy'd and confident in thee . Enter a Hind to Sordido with a paper . Mac. Ha , ha , ha ? I'not this good ? Is 't not pleasing this ? ha , ha ? Gods ha ? Is 't possible that such a spacious villaine Should liue and not be plagu'd ? or lies he hid VVithin the wrinckled bosome of the world , VVhere heauen cannot see him ? Sbloud ( me thinkes ) 'T is rare and admirable , that he should breath , and walke . Feed with disgestion , sleepe , enjoy his health , And ( like a boist'rous VVhale swallowing the poore ) Still swimme in wealth and pleasure : is 't not strange ? Vnlesse his house and skin were thunder-proofe , I wonder at it . Me thinkes now , the Hecticke , Gout , Leprosie , or some such loth'd disease Might light vpon him ; or that fire ( from heauen ) Might fall upon his barnes ; or mice and rats Eat vp his graine ; or else that it might rot VVithin the hoarie Reekes , e'ne as it stands : Me thinkes this might be well ; and after all The deuill might come and fetch him : I , 't is true . Meane time he surfets in prosperitie , And thou ( in envie of him ) gnaw'st thy selfe , Peace foole , get hence , and tell thy vexed spirit , " Wealth in this age will scarcely looke on merit . Exit . Sord.

VVho brought this same sir ha ?

Hind .

Marry sir one of the justices men , hee saies 't is a precept , and all their Hands be at it :

Sord. I , and the prints of them sticke in my flesh Deeper than i' their letters : They haue sent me Pils wrapt in paper here , that should I take 'hem , VVould poison all the sweetnesse of my Booke , And turne my Honey into Hemlocke juice : But I am wiser than to serue their precepts , Or follow their prescriptions : Here 's a deuise , To charge me bring my Graine vnto the markets : I , much , when I haue neither Barne nor Garner , Nor Earth to hide it in , I 'le bring it ; but till then , Ech corne I send shall be as big as Paules . O , but ( say some ) the poore are like to sterue . VVhy let 'hem sterue , what 's that to me ? are Bees Bound to keepe life in Drones and idle Moaths ? no : VVhy such are these ( that tearme themselues the poore , Only because they would be pittied ) But are indeed a sort of lazie Beggers , Licencious Rogues and sturdie Vagabonds , Bred ( by the sloth of a fat plenteous yeare ) Like snakes in heat of summer out of dung , And this is all that these cheape times are good for : VVhereas a holsome and penurious Dearth Purges the soile of such vile excrements , And kils the Vipers vp . Hind . O but maister , Take heed they heare you not . Sord. VVhy so ? Hind . They will exclaime against you . Sord. I , their exclaimes Moue me as much , as thy breath moues a Mountaine ; Poore wormes , they hisse at me , whilst I at home Can be contented to applaud my selfe , To sit and clap my hands , and laugh and leape , Knocking my head against my roofe , with joy To see how plumpe my bags are , and my barnes . Sirah , goe , hie you home , and bid your fellowes Get all their flailes readie againe I come . Hind . I will Sir . Exit Hind . Sord. I 'le instantly set all my hinds to thrashing Of a whole Reeke of corne , which I will hide Vnder the ground ; and with the straw thereof I 'le stuffe the outsides of my other Mowes : That done , I 'le haue 'hem emptie all my Garners , And i' the friendly Earth bury my store , That when the Searchers come they may suppose All 's spent , and that my fortunes were belied . And to lend more opinion to my want , And stop that many-mouthed vulgar Dog , ( VVhich else would still be baying at my dore ) Each market day , I will be seene to buy Part of the purest VVheat , as for my houshold : VVhere when it comes , it shall encrease my heapes , T will yeeld me treble gaine at this deare time , Promisd in this deere Booke : I haue cast all , Till then I will not sell an care , I 'le hang first . O I shall make my prizes as I list , My House and I can feed on Pease and Barley , VVhat though a world of VVretches sterue the while ? " He that will thriue , must thinke no courses vile . Exit . GREX . Cord.

Now signior , how approue you this ? haue the Humorists exprest themselues truly or no ?

Mit.

Yes ( if it be wel prosecuted ) 't is hitherto happy ynough : but me thinks Macilente went hence too soone , he might haue been made to stay and speake somewhat in reproofe of Sordido's wretchednesse , now at the last .

Cor.

O no , that had bin extreamly improper , besides he had co�tinued the Scene too lo�g with him as 't was , being in no more actio� .

Mit.

You may enforce the length as a necessarie reason ; but for propriety the Scene wold very wel haue born it , in my judgeme�t .

Cor.

O worst of both : why you mistake his Humor vtterly the� .

Mit.

How ? do I mistake it ? is 't not Envie ?

Cord.

Yes , but you must vnderstand Signior , hee enuies him not as he is a villaine , a wolfe i' the commonwealth , but as he is rich and fortunate ; for the true condition of envie , is Dolor alienae felicitatis , to haue our eies continually fixt vpon another mans prosperitie , that is his cheefe happinesse , and to grieue at that . VVhere as if we make his monstrous and abhord actions , our object , the greefe ( we take then ) comes neerer the nature of Hate than Enuie , as being bred out of a kind of contempt and lothing in our selues .

Mit.

So you 'le infer it had been Hate , not Envie in him , to reprehend the humor of Sordido ?

Cord.

Right , for what a man truly enuies in another , he could alwaies loue , and cherish in himselfe ; but no man truly reprehends in another what he loues in himselfe , therefore Reprehension is out of his Hate . And this distinction hath he himselfe made in a speech there ( if you markt it ) where hee saies , I enuie not this Buffon , but I hate him .

Mit.

Stay sir : I enuie not this Buffon , but I hate him : why might he not as well haue hated Sordido as him ?

Cord.

No sir , there was subject for his envie in Sordido ; his wealth : So was there not in the other , he stood possest of no one eminent gift , but a most odious and fiend-like disposition , that would turne Charitie it selfe into Hate , much more Envie for the present .

Enter Carlo Buffone , Sogliardo , Fastidius Briske , Cinedo .
ACTUS SECUNDUS ,
SCENA PRIMA . Mit.

You haue satisfied mee sir , O here comes the Foole and the Iester againe me thinkes .

Cord.

'T were pitie they should be parted sir .

Mit.

VVhat bright-shining gallant 's that with them ? the knight they went to ?

Cord.

No sir , this is one Monsieur Fastidius Briske , otherwise cal'd the fresh Frenchefied courtier .

Mit.

A humorist too ?

Cord.

As humorous as quickesiluer , doe but obserue him , the Scene is the countrey still , remember .

Fast.

Cinedo , watch when the knight comes , & giue vs word .

Cine.

I will sir .

Exit . Fast.

How lik'st thou my boy , Carlo ?

Car.

O wel , wel , he looks like a colonel of the Pigmies horse , or one of these motions in a great antique clocke : hee would shew well vpon a Habberdashers stall , at a corner shop rarely .

Fast.

S'heart , what a damn'd wittie rogue 's this ? how hee confounds with his simile's ?

Car.

Better with simile's than smiles : and whither were you riding now Signior ?

Fast.

VVho I ? what a silly jest 's that ? whither should I ride but to the Court ?

Car.

O pardon me sir , twentie places more : your hot-house , or your �

Fast.

By the vertue of my soule this knight dwels in Elizium here .

Carl.

Hee 's gone now , I thought he would flie out presently . These be our nimble-sprighted Catso's that ha' there euasions at pleasure , wil run ouer a bog like your wild Irish ; no sooner started , but they 'le leape from one thing to another like a squirrell , heigh ; Daunce , and do tricks i' their discourse , from Fire to VVater , fro� VVater to Aire , fro� Aire to Earth , as if their tongues did but e'en lick the foure Elements ouer , and away .

Fast.

Sirra Carlo , thou neuer saw'st my grey Hobbie yet , didst thou ?

Carl.

No : ha' you such a one ?

Fast.

The best in Europe ( my good villaine ) thou 'lt say , when thou seest him .

Car.

But when shall I see him ?

Fast.

There was a Noble man i' the Court offered me 100 pound for him by this light : a fine little fierie slave , hee runs like a ( O ) excellent , excellent , with the very sound of the spur .

Carl.

How ? the sound of the spurre ?

Fast.

O , it 's your only humor now extant sir : a good gingle , a good gingle .

Carl.

Sbloud you shall see him turne morrisedancer , he ha's got him bels , a good sute , and a Hobbie-horse .

Sog.

Signior , now you talk of a Hobby-horse , I know where one is , will not be giuen for a brace of angels .

Fast.

How is that Sir ?

Sog.

Mary sir I am telling this gentleman of a Hobby-horse , it was my fathers indeed , and ( though I say it

Carl.

That should not say it ) on , on .

Sog.

He did daunce in it with as good humour and as good regard as any man of his degree whatsoeuer , being no Gentleman : I haue daunc't in it my selfe too .

Car.

Not since the Humour of gentilitie was vpon you ? did you ?

Sog.

Yes once ; marry , that was but to shew what a gentleman might doe in a Humor .

Carl.

O very good .

GREX . Mit.

VVhy this fellowes discourse were nothing but for the word Humor .

Cord.

O beare with him , and he should lacke matter and words too , 't were pittifull .

Sog.

Nay looke you Sir , there 's ne're a Gentleman i' the countrie has the like humors for the Hobby-horse as I haue ; I haue the Methode for the threeding of the needle , the �

Carl.

How the Methode .

Sog.

I , the Leigeritie for that , and the wigh-hie , and the daggers in the nose , and the trauels of the egge from finger to finger , all the humors incident to the qualitie . The horse hangs at home in my parlor , I 'le keepe it for a monument , as long as I liue sure .

Carl.

Doe so ; and when you die , 't will be an excellent Trophee to hang ouer your tombe .

Sog.

Masse , and I 'le haue a tombe ( now I thinke on 't ) 't is but so much charges .

Carl.

Best build it in your life time then , your heires may hap to forget it else .

Sog.

Nay I meane so , I le not trust to them .

Carl.

No , for heirs and executors are grown damnably carelesse , specially since the ghosts of Testators left walking : how like you him Signior ?

Fast.

'Fore heauens his Humor arrides me exceedingly .

Car.

Arrides you ?

Fast.

I , pleases me ( a pox on 't ) I am so haunted at the court & at my lodging with your refin'd choise spirits , that it makes me cleane of another Garbe , another straine , I know not how ; I cannot frame me to your harsh vulgar phrase , 't is against my Genius .

Sog.

Signior Carlo .

GREX . Cord.

This is right to that of Horace , Dum vitant stulti vitia in contraria currunt : so this gallant labouring to auoid Popularitie , fals into a habit of Affectatio� ten thousand times more hatefull than the former .

Car.

VVho he ? a gull ? a foole ? no salt in him i' the earth man : he lookes like a fresh Salmon kept in a tub ; hee 'le bee spent shortly , his braine 's lighter than his feather alreadie , and his tongue more subject to lie , than that 's to wag : he sleepes with a muske-cat euery night , and walkes all day hang'd in Pomander chaines for pennance : hee ha's his skinne tan'd in ciuet , to make his complexion strong , and the sweetnesse of his youth lasting in the sence of his sweet ladie . A good emptie Puffe , hee loues you well Signior .

Sog.

There shall be no loue lost Sir , I 'le assure you .

Fast.

Nay Carlo , I am not happie i' thy loue I see , pr'y thee suffer me to enjoy thy companie a little ( sweet mischeefe ) by this aire , I shall envie this gentlemans place in thy affections , if you be thus priuate I faith : how now ? is the knight arriu'd ?

Enter Cinedo . Cine.

No sir , but 't is gest he will arriue presently , by his forerunners .

Fast.

His hounds ! by Minerua an excellent Figure ; a good boy .

Carl.

You should giue him a French crowne for it : the boy would find two better Figures i' that , & a good Figure of your bountie beside .

Fast.

Tut , the boy wants no crownes .

Carl.

No crowne : speake i' the singular number , and wee 'le beleeue you .

Fast.

Nay , thou art so capriciously conceited now : Sirra ( Damnation ) I haue heard this knight Puntarvolo , reported to be a gentleman of exceeding good humour : thou know'st him ; pr'ythee , how is his disposition ? I ne're was so fauour'd of my starres as to see him yet . Boy , doe you looke to the Hobbie ?

Cin.

I sir , the groome has set him vp .

Fast.

'T is well : I rid out of my way of intent to visit him , and take knowledge of his : Nay good Wickednesse , his humor , his humor .

Carl.

VVhy he loues dogges , and haukes , and his wife well : he has a good riding face , and he can sit a great horse ; hee will taint a staffe well at tilt : when hee is mounted , he lookes like the signe of the George , that 's all I know ; saue that in stead of a Dragon he will brandish against a tree , and breake his sword as confidently vpon the knottie barke , as the other did vpon the skales of the beast .

Fast.

O , but this is nothing to that 's deliuerd of him : they say he has dialogues , and discourses betweene his horse , himselfe , and his dogge ; and that he will court his owne Ladie , as shee were a stranger neuer encounter'd before ,

Car.

I , that he will , and make fresh loue to her euerie morning : this Gentleman has been a Spectator of it , Signior Insulso .

Sog.

I am resolute to keepe a Page : say you sir ?

Carl.

You haue seene Signior Puntarvolo accost his Ladie ?

Sog.

O , I sir .

Fast.

And how is the maner of it pr'ythee good Signior ?

Sog.

Faith sir in verie good sort ; he has his humors for it sir : as first , ( suppose he were now to come from riding , or hunting , or so ) he has his trumpet to sound , and then the waiting Gentlewoman , shee lookes out ; and then he speaks , and then shee speakes : very prettie I faith Gentlemen .

Fast.

VVhy , but doe you remember no particulars , Signior ?

Sog.

O , yes sir : first , the Gentlewoman shee lookes out at the window .

Carl.

After the trumpet has summon'd a parle ? not before ?

Sog.

No sir , not before : and then saies hee ; ha , ha , ha , ha , &c.

Car.

VVhat saies he ? be not rapt so .

Sog.

Sayes he ; ha , ha , ha , ha , &c.

Fast.

Nay speake , speake .

Sog.

Ha , ha , ha , Sayes he : God saue you , ha , ha , &c.

Car.

VVas this the ridiculous motiue to all this passion ?

Sog.

Nay that , that comes after is : ha , ha , ha , ha , &c.

Car.

Doubtlesse hee apprehends more than hee vtters , this fellow : or else .

Sog.

Lift , lift , they are come from hunting : A crie of hounds within . stand by , close vnder this Tarras , & you shall see it done better than I can shew it .

Car.

So it had need , 't will scarse poize the obseruation else .

Sog.

Faith I remember all , but the manner of it is quite out of my head .

Fast.

O withdraw , withdraw , it cannot be but a most pleasing object .

Enter Puntarvolo , a Huntsman with a greyhound . Pun.

Forrester , giue wind to thy Horne . Inough ; by this the sound hath toucht the ears of the enclosed : Depart , leaue the dogge , and take with thee what thou hast deseru'd ; the Horne , and thankes .

Carl.

I mary , there 's some tast in this .

Fast.

It 's not good ?

Sog.

Ah peace , now aboue , now aboue .

The waiting Gentlewoman appeares at the window . Punt.

Stay : mine eye hath ( on the instant ) through the bountie of the window , receiu'd the forme of a Nymph . I will step forward three paces : of the which , I will barely retire one ; and ( after some little flexure of the knee ) with an erected grace salute her : 1 , 2 , and 3. Sweet Ladie , God saue you .

Gent.

No forsooth : I am but the waiting Gentlewoman .

Carl.

He knew that before .

Punt.

Pardon me : Humanum est errare .

Carl.

He learn'd that of a Puritane .

Punt.

To the perfection of Complement ( which is the dyall of the thought , and guided by the Sunne of your beauties ) are requir'd these three Projects : the Gnomon , the Puntilio's , and the Superficies : the Superficies , is that we call Place ; the Puntilio's , Circumstance ; and the Gnomon , ceremonie : in either of which , for a stranger to erre , 't is easie and facile ; and such am I .

Carl.

True , not knowing her Horizon , hee must needs erre : which I feare , he knowes too well .

Punt.

VVhat call you the Lord of the castle ? sweet Face .

Gent.

The Lord of the castle is a knight sir ; Signior Puntarvolo .

Punt.

Puntarvolo ? O.

Car.

Now must he ruminate .

Fast.

Does the wench know him all this while then ?

Carl.

O , doe you know me man ? why therein lies the sirrup of the jeast ; it 's a Project , a designment of his owne , a thing studied , and rehearst as ordinarily at his comming from hawking or hunting , as a jigge after a Play .

Sog.

I , e'en like your jigge sir .

Punt.

'T is a most sumptuous and stately edifice ; what yeers is the knight , faire Damsell ?

Gent.

Faith much about your yeeres sir .

Punt.

VVhat complexion , or what stature beares hee ?

Gen.

Of your stature , and very nere vpon your complexion .

Punt.

Mine is Melancholly :

Carl.

So is the dogges , just .

Pun.

And doth argue constancie , chiefly in loue . VVhat are his endowments ? Is he courteous ?

Gent.

O the most courteous Knight vpon Gods earth sir .

Punt.

Is he magnanimous ?

Gent.

As the skin betweene your browes sir .

Pun.

Is he bountifull ?

Carl.

Sbloud , hee takes an Inuentorie of his owne good parts .

Gent.

Bountifull ? I sir I would you should know it ; the poore are seru'd at his gate early and late sir .

Punt.

Is he learned ?

Gen.

O , I sir , he can speake the French and Italian .

Punt.

Then he is trauail'd ?

Gen.

I forsooth , he hath been beyond-sea once or twise .

Carl.

As far as Paris , to fetch ouer a fashion and come backe againe .

Punt.

Is he religious ?

Gent.

Religious ? I know not what you call Religious , but he goes to Church I am sure .

Fast.

S'hd me thinkes these answeres should offend him .

Carl.

Tut no ; he knowes they are excellent , and to her capacitie that speakes 'hem .

Punt.

VVould I might see his face .

Carl.

Shee should let downe a glasse from the window at that word , and request him to looke in 't .

Punt.

Doubtlesse , the gentleman is most exact , and absolutely qualified ? doth the castle containe him ?

Gen.

No Sir , he is from home , but his Ladie is within .

Punt.

His Ladie ? what is shee faire ? splendidious ? and amiable ?

Gent.

O Iesu sir !

Punt.

Pr'y thee deare Nymph , intreat her beauties to shine on this side of the building .

Exit Gent. from the window . Carl.

That he may erect a new dyall of complement , with his Gnomons , and his Puntilio's .

Fast.

Nay , thou art such another Cinique now , a man had need walke vprightly before thee .

Carl.

Heart , can any man walke more vpright than hee does ? Looke , looke ; as if hee went in a frame , or had a sute of wanescot on : and the dogge watching him least he should leape out on 't .

Fast.

O villaine !

Carl.

VVell , and e'er I meet him in the cittie , I 'le ha' him joynted , I 'le pawne him in East-cheape among butchers else .

Fast.

Peace , who be these , Carlo ?

Enter Sordido , with his sonne Fungoso . Sord.

Yonder 's your godfather ; do your dutie to him sonne .

Sog.

This sir ? a poore elder brother of mine sir , a yeoman , may dispend some seuen or eight hundred a yeere : that 's his sonne , my nephew there .

Punt.

You are not ill-come neighbour Sordido , though I haue not yet said welcom : what , my god-sonne is growne a great Proficient by this ?

Sord.

I hope he will grow great one day , sir .

Fast.

VVhat does he studie ? the law ?

Sog.

I sir , he is a gentleman , though his father be but a yeoman .

Car.

VVhat call you your nephew , Signior ?

Sog.

Mary his name is Fungoso .

Car.

Fungoso ? O , hee lookt somewhat like a spunge in that pinckt doublet me thought : well , make much of him ; I see he was neuer borne to ride vpon a moile .

Gen.

My Ladie will come presently sir .

Enter Gent. aboue . Sog.

O now , now .

Punt.

Stand by , retire your selues a space : nay , pray you , forget not the vse of your hat ; the aire is piercing .

Sordido and Fungoso withdraw at the other part of the stage , meane time the Ladie is come to the window . Fast.

VVhat ? will not their presence preuaile against the current of his humor ?

Carl.

O no : it 's a meere floud , a Torrent , carries all afore it .

Punt. What more than heauenly pulchritude is this ? What Magazine , or treasurie of blisse ? Dazle , you organs to my optique sence , To view a creature of such eminence : O I am planet-strooke , and in yond Sphere , A brighter starre than Venus doth appeare . Fast.

How ? in verse ?

Carl.

an Extasie , an Extasie , man .

Lady .

Is your desire to speake with me , sir Knight ?

Carl.

He will tell you that anon ; neither his Braine , nor his Bodie , are yet moulded for an answere .

Punt.

Most debonaire , and Luculent Ladie , I decline me as low as the Basis of your Altitude .

GREX . Cord.

Hee makes congies to his wife in Geometricall proportions .

Mit.

Is 't possible there should be any such Humorist ?

Cor.

Very easily possible , Sir , you see there is .

Punt.

I haue scarse collected my spirits , but lately scatter'd in the admiration of your Forme ; to which ( if the bounties of your mind be any way responsible ) I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure passage . I am a poore Knight-errant ( Ladie ) that hunting in the adjacent Forrest , was by aduenture in the pursuit of a Hart , brought to this place ; which Hart ( deare Madame ) escaped by enchantment : the euening approching ( my selfe and seruant wearied ) my suit is , to enter your faire Castle , and refresh me .

Lady .

Sir Knight , albeit it be not vsuall with me ( chiefly in the absence of a husband ) to admit any entrance to strangers , yet in the true regard of those innated vertues , and faire parts which so striue to expresse themselues in you ; I am resolu'd to enterteine you to the best of my vnworthie power ; which I acknowledge to be nothing , valew'd with what so worthy a person may deserue . Please you but stay , while I descend .

Shee departs : and Puntarvolo falls in with Sordido , and his sonne . Punt.

Most admir'd Ladie , you astonish me .

Car.

VVhat ? with speaking a speech of your own penning ?

Fast.

Nay looke ; pray thee peace .

Carl.

Pox on 't : I am impatient of such fopperie .

Fast.

O le ts heare the rest .

Carl.

VVhat ? a tedious Chapter of Courtship , after sir Lancelot , and Queene Guevener ? away : I mar'le in what dull cold nooke he found this Ladie out ? that ( being a woman ) she was blest with no more Copie of wit , but to serue his Humor thus . Sblood , I thinke he feeds her with Porridge , I : she could ne're haue such a thicke braine else .

Sog.

VVhy is Porridge so hurtfull , Signior ?

Carl.

O , nothing vnder heauen more prejudiciall to those ascending subtile powers , or doth sooner abate that which we call , Acumen Ingenij , than your grosse fare : why I 'le make you an Instance : your Cittie wiues , but obserue 'hem , you ha' not more perfect true fooles i' the world bred than they are generally ; & yet you see ( by the finenesse and delicacie of their Diet , diuing into the fat Capons , drinking your rich wines , feeding on Larkes , Sparrows , Potato pyes , and such good vnctuous meats ) how their wits are refin'd and rarefi'd : & sometimes a very Quintessence of conceit flows from 'hem , able to drowne a weake Apprehension .

Fast.

Peace , here comes the Ladie .

Enter Ladie with her Gent. and seeing them , turnes in againe . Lady .

Gods me , here 's companie : turne in againe .

Fast.

S'light , our presence has cut off the convoy of the jest .

Car.

All the better ; I am glad on 't : for the issue was verie perspicuous . Come , let 's discouer , and salute the knight .

Carlo and the other two , step forth to Punt. Punt.

Stay : who be these that addresse themselues towards vs ? what Carlo ? now by the Sinceritie of my Soule , welcome ; welcome Gentlemen : and how doest thou , thou Grand Scourge ; or , Second Vntrusse of the time ?

Carl.

Faith spending my mettall in this Reeling world ( here and there ) as the sway of my Affection carries me , and perhaps stumble vpon a yeoman Pheuterer , as I doe now ; or one of Fortunes Moyles laden with treasure , and an empty Cloke-bagge following him , gaping when a bagge will vntie .

Punt.

Peace you Bandogge peace : what briske Nimfadoro is that in the white virgin boot there ?

Carl.

Mary sir , one , that I must entreat you take a very particular knowledge of , and with more than ordinarie respect : Monsieur Fastidius .

Punt.

Sir , I could wish that for the time of your vouchsaft abiding here , and more Reall entertainment , this my house stood on the Muses hill ; and these my Orchards were those of the Hesperide's .

Fast.

I possesse as much in your wish sir , as if I were made Lord of the Indies ; and I pray you beleeue it .

Carl.

I haue a better opinion of his Faith , than to thinke it will be so corrupted .

Sog.

Come brother , I 'le bring you acquainted with Gentlemen , & good fellows , such as shall do you more grace , than �

Sord.

Brother , I hunger not for such acquaintance : Do you take heed , least : �

Carlo is comming toward them . Sog.

Husht : my Brother sir , for want of education sir , somewhat nodding to the Boore , the Clowne ; but I request you in priuat sir .

Fung.

By Iesu , it 's a very fine sute of cloathes .

GREX . Cor.

Doe you obserue that , Signior ? there 's another Humour has new crackt the shell .

Mit.

VVhat ? he is enamour'd of the Fashion , is hee ?

Cor.

O you forestall the jeast .

Fun.

I mar'le what it might stand him in ?

Sog.

Nephew ?

Fun.

'Fore God it 's an excellent Sute , and as neatly becomes him . VVhat said you Vncle ?

Sog.

VVhen saw you my Neece ?

Fun.

Mary yesternight I supt there . That kind of Boot does very rare too .

Sog.

And what newes heare you ?

Fun.

The guilt Spurre and all : would I were hang'd , but 't is exceeding good . Say you ?

Sog.

Your mind is carried away with somewhat else : I aske what newes you heare ?

Fung.

Troth wee heare none : in good faith I was neuer so pleas'd with a fashion daies of my life ; O ( and I might haue but my wish ) I 'ld aske no more of God no�� but such a Suit , such a Hat , such a Band , such a Doublet , such a Hose , such a Boot , and such a �

Sog.

They say there 's a new Motion of the citie of Nineueh , with Ionas and the VVhale , to be seene at Fleet-bridge ? you can tell cousin ?

Fung.

Here 's such a world of question with him now : Yes , I thinke there be such a thing , I saw the picture : would hee would once be satisfi'd . Let me see , the Doublet , say fiftie shillings the Doublet , & betwene three or four pound the Hose ; then Bootes , the Hat , and Band : some ten or eleuen pound would do it all , and suit me for the heauens .

Sog.

I 'le see all those deuises , and I come to London once .

Fung.

Gods s'lid , and I could compasse it , 't were rare : harke you Vncle .

Sog.

VVhat sayes my Nephew ?

Fung.

Faith Vncle , I 'ld ha' desir'd you to haue made a motion for me to my father in a thing , that ; walke aside and I 'le tell you sir , no more but this : there 's a parcell of Law books , ( some twentie pounds worth ) that lie in a place for little more than halfe the money they cost ; and I thinke for some twelue pound or twentie marke , I could goe neere to redeeme 'hem : there 's Plowden , Diar , Brooke , and Fitz-Herbert ; diuers such as I must haue ere long : and you know I were as good saue fiue or sixe pound as not , Vncle : I pray you mooue it for me .

Sog.

That I will : when would you haue me do it ? presently ?

Fung.

O I , I pray you good Vncle : God send me good luck ; Lord ( and 't be thy will ) prosper it : O Iesu ; now , now , if it take ( O Christ ) I am made for euer .

Fast.

Shall I tell you sir : by this aire I am the most beholding to that Lord , of any Gentleman liuing ; hee does vse me the most honourably , and with the greatest respect , more indeed , than can be vtter'd with any opinion of truth .

Punt.

Then haue you , the Count Gratiato ?

Fast.

As true noble a Gentleman too as any breaths ; I am exceedingly endear'd to his loue : by Iesu , ( I protest to you Signior , I speake it not gloriously , nor out of affectation , but ) there 's he , and the Count Frugale , Signior Illustre , Signior Luculento , and a sort of 'hem ; that ( when I am at the Court ) they doe share me amongst 'hem . Happie is he can enjoy me most priuat ; I doe wish my selfe sometime an Vbiquitarie for their loue , in good faith .

Carl:

There 's ne're a one of these but might lie a weeke on the racke , ere they could bring foorth his name ; and yet hee powres them out as familiarly as if hee had seene 'hem stand by the firc i' the Presence , or ta'ne Tabacco with them ouer the stage i' the Lords roome .

Punt.

Then you must of necessitie know our Court-starre there ? that Planet of wit , Maddona Saviolina ?

Fast.

O Lord Sir ! my mistresse .

Punt.

Is shee your mistresse ?

Fast.

Faith , here be some slight fauours of hers sir , that doe speak it , Shee is ; as this Scarfe sir , or this Ribband in mine eare , or so ; this Fether grew in her sweet Fanne sometimes , though now it be my poore fortunes to weare it as you see sir ; slight , slight ; a foolish toy .

Punt.

VVell , shee is the Ladie of a most exalted , and ingenous spirit .

Fast.

Did you euer heare any woman speake like her ? or enricht with a more plentifull discourse ?

Carl.

O vilanous ! nothing but Sound , Sound , a meere Eccho ; shee speaks as shee goes tir'd , in Cobweb lawne , light , thinne : good enough to catch flies withall .

Punt.

O , manage your affections .

Fast.

VVell , if thou beest not plagu'd for this blasphemie one day : �

Punt.

Come , regard not a jeaster ; it is in the power of my purse to make him speake well or ill of me .

Fast.

Sir , I affirme it to you ( vpon my Credit and Iudgement ) shee has the most Harmonious and Musicall straine of VVit , that euer tempted a true eare ; and yet to see , a rude tongue will profane Heauen .

Punt.

I am not ignorant of it sir .

Fast.

Oh , it flowes from her like Nectar , and shee doth giue it , that sweet , quicke grace , and exornation in the composure , that ( By this good Heauen ) she does obserue as pure a Phrase , and vse as choise Figures in her ordinarie conferences , as any be i' the Arcadia .

Carl.

Or rather in Greenes works , whence she may steale with more securitie .

Sord.

VVell , if ten pound will fetch 'hem , you shall haue it , but I 'le part with no more .

Fun.

I 'le trie what that will doe , if you please .

Sord.

Doe so : and when you haue 'hem , studie hard .

Fun.

Yes sir : and I could studie to get fortie shillings more now : well , I will put my selfe into the Fashion , as farre as this will goe presently .

Sord.

I wonder it raines not ! the Almanack sayes we should haue store of raine to daie .

Pun.

VVhy sir , to morrow I will associate you to the Court my selfe ; and from thence to the Cittie , about a Businesse , a Project I haue : I will expose it to you sir : Carlo I am sure has heard of it .

Car.

VVhat 's that sir ?

Punt.

I doe entend this yeere of Iubile to trauaile : and ( because I will not altogither goe vpon expence ) I am determined to put forth some fiue thousand pound , to be paid me fiue for one , vpon the returne of my selfe , my VVife , and my Dog , from the Turkes Court in Constantinople . If all , or either of vs miscarrie in the journey , 't is gone : if we be successefull , why , there will be xxv. thousand pound to entertaine time withall . Nay , go not neighbour Sordido ; stay to night , and help to make our societie the fuller . Gentlemen , frolicke : Carlo ? what ? dull now ?

Carl.

I was thinking on your Project sir , and you call it so : is this the Dog goes with you ?

Punt.

This is the Dogge sir .

Carl.

He do'not goe bare-foot , does he ?

Punt.

Away you traytour , away .

Carl.

Nay afore God , I speak simply ; he may pricke his foot with a thorne , and be as much as the whole venter is woorth . Besides , for a Dog that neuer trauail'd before , it's huge journey to Constantinople : I 'le tell you now ( and hee were mine ) I 'ld haue some present conference with a Phisician , what Antidotes were good to giue him , and Preseruatiues against poison : for ( assure you ) if once your money be out , there 'll be diuers attempts made against the life of the poore Animal .

Punt.

Thou art still dangerous .

Fast.

Is Signior Deliros wife your kinswoman ?

Sog.

I sir , she is my Neece , my brothers daughter here , and my Nephewes sister .

Sord.

Doe you know her sir ?

Fast.

O God sir , Signior Deliro her husband is my Merchant .

Fung.

I , I haue seene this Gentleman there , often .

Fast.

I crie you mercie sir : let me craue your name , pray you .

Fun.

Fungoso sir .

Fast.

Good Signior Fungoso , I shall request to know you better sir .

Fun.

I am her brother Sir .

Fast.

In faire time sir .

Pun.

Come Gentlemen , I will be your Conduct .

Fast.

Nay pray you sir ; we shall meet at Signior Deliro's often .

Sog.

You shall ha' me at the Heralds office sir , for some week or so , at my first comming vp . Come Carlo .

Exeunt . GREX . Mit.

Me thinks Cordatus , he dwelt somwhat too long on this Scene ; it hung i' the hand .

Cord.

I see not where he could haue insisted lesse , and t' haue made the Humors perspicuous enough .

Mit.

True , as his Subject lies : but he might haue altered the shape of Argument , & explicated 'hem better in single Scenes .

Cord.

That had been Single indeed : why ? be they not the same persons in this , as they would haue been in those ? and is it not an object of more State , to behold the Scene full , and relieu'd with varietie of Speakers to the end , than to see a vast emptie stage , and the Actors come in ( one by one ) as if they were dropt down with a feather into the eie of the Audience ?

Mit.

Nay , you are better traded with these things than I , and therefore I 'le subscribe to your judgement ; mary you shall giue me leaue to make objections .

Cord.

O what else ? it 's the speciall intent of the Author you should do so : for thereby others ( that are present ) may as well be satisfied , who happily would object the same you doe .

Mit.

So sir , but when appeares Macilente againe ?

Enter Macilente , Deliro , Fido , with hearbs and persumes . Cord.

Mary he staies but till our silence giue him leaue : here he comes , and with him Signior Deliro a merchant , at whose house he is come to sojourne : Make your owne obscruation now ; onely transferre your thoughts to the Cittie with the Scene ; where , suppose they speake .

SCENA TERTIA Deliro . I 'le tell you by and by sir . VVelcome ( good Macilente ) to my house , To sojourne euen for euer ; if my best In cates , and euerie sort of good intreatie May mooue you stay with me . Deliro turnes to his boy , and falls a strowing of flowers . Mac. I thanke you sir : And yet the muffled Fates ( had it pleas'd them ) Might haue suppli'd me from their owne full store VVithout this word ( I thanke you ) to a foole . I see no reason why that Dog ( call'd Chaunce ) Should fawne vpon this fellow more than me : I am a man , and I haue Limmes , Flesh , Blood , Bones , Sinewes , and a Soule as well as he : My parts are euery way as good as his , If I said better ? why I did not lie , Nath'lesse his wealth ( but nodding on my wants ) Must make me bow , and crie : I thanke you Sir . Deli.

Dispatch , take heed your mistresse see you not .

Fido.

I warrant you sir .

Exit Fido . Deli. Nay gentle friend be merrie , raise your lookes Out of your bosome , I protest ( by heauen ) You are the man most welcome in the world . Mac.

I thanke you Sir , I know my cue I thinke .

Enter Fido with two Censors . Fido.

VVhere will you haue 'hem burne Sir ?

Deli. Here good Fido : VVhat ? she did not see thee ? Fido.

No Sir .

Deli. That 's well : Strew , strew , good Fido , the freshest flowers , so . Mac.

VVhat meanes this Signior Deliro ?

Deli. Cast in more Frankincence , yet more , well said . O Macilente , I haue such a wife , So passing faire , so passing faire vnkind , And of such worth and right to be vnkind , ( Since no man can be worthie of her kindnesse . ) Mac. VVhat can there not ? Deli. No , that is sure as death , No man aliue : I doe not say is not , But cannot possibly be worth her kindnesse . Nay that is certaine , let me doe her Right : How said I ? do her Right ? as though I could , As though this dull grosse tongue of mine could vtter The rare , the true , the pure , the infinite Rights That sit ( as high as I can looke ) within her . Mac. This is such dotage as was neuer heard . Deli. VVell , this must needs be granted . Maci. Graunted quoth you ? Deli. Nay Macilente ; doe not so discredit The goodnesse of your judgement to denie it , For I doe speake the very least of her . And I would craue and beg no more of heauen For all my fortunes here , but to be able To vtter first in fit tearmes , what she is , And then the true joies I conceiue in her . Maci. Is 't possible she should deserue so well As you pretend ? Deli. I , and she knowes so well Her owne deserts that ( when I striue t' enjoy them ) She waies the things I doe , with what she merits : And ( seeing my worth outwai'd so in her graces ) She is so solemne , so precise , so froward , That no obseruance I can doe to her , Can make her kind to me : if she find fault , I mend that fault , and then she saies I faulted That I did mend it . Now good Friend aduise me How I may temper this strange Splene in her . Mac. You are too amorous , too obsequious , And make her , too assur'd she may commaund you . VVhen women doubt most of their husbands loues , They are most louing . Husbands must take heed They giue no gluts of kindnesse to their wiues , But vse them like their Horses , whom they feed Not with a manger-full of meat together , But halfe a pecke at once , and keepe them so Still with an appetite to that they giue them . He that desires to haue a louing wife , Must bridle all the shew of that desire : Be kind , not amorous , nor bewraying kindnesse , As if Loue wrought it , but considerate Dutie : " Offer no loue-rites , but let wiues still seeke them , " For when they come vnsought , they seldome like them . Deli. Beleeue me Macilente , this is Gospell . O that a man were his owne man so much , To rule himselfe thus ; I will striue i' faith To be more strange and carelesse : yet I hope I haue now taken such a perfect course , To make her kind to me , and liue contented , That I shall find my kindnesse well return'd , And haue no need to fight with my affections . She ( late ) hath found much fault with euery roome VVithin my house ; One was too big ( she said ) Another was not furnisht to her mind , And so through all : All which I haue alter'd . Then here she hath a place ( on my backeside ) VVherein shee loues to walke ; and that ( shee said ) Had some ill smels about it . Now this walke Haue I ( before she knowes it ) thus perfum'd VVith herbes and flowers , and laid in diuerse places ( As 't were on Altars consecrate to her ) Perfumed Gloues , and delicate chaines of Amber , To keepe the aire in awe of her sweet nosthrils : This haue I done , and this I thinke will please her . Behold she comes . Enter Fallace . Fall. Here 's a sweet stinke indeed : VVhat , shall I euer be thus crost and plagu'd ? And sicke of Husband ? O my head doth ake As it would cleaue asunder with these sauors , All my Room 's alter'd , and but one poore VValke That I delighted in , and that is made So fulsome with perfumes , that I am fear'd ( My braine doth sweat so ) I haue caught the Plague . Deli. VVhy ( gentle wife ) is now thy VValke too sweet ? Thou said'st of late it had sower aires about it , And found'st much fault , that I did not correct it . Fal.

VVhy , and I did find fault Sir ?

Deli. Nay deere wife ; I know thou hast said thou hast lou'd perfumes , No woman better . Fall. I , long since perhaps , But now that Sence is alterd : you would haue me ( Like to a puddle or a standing poole ) To haue no motion , nor no spirit within me . No , I am like a pure and sprightly Riuer , That moues for euer , and yet still the same ; Or fire that burnes much wood , yet still one flame . Deli. But yesterday , I saw thee at our garden Smelling on Roses and on purple flowers , And since I hope the Humor of thy Sence Is nothing chang'd . Fall. VVhy those were growing flowers , And these within my walke are cut and strew'd . Deli. But yet they haue one sent . Fall. I , haue they so ? In your grosse judgement : if you make no difference Betwixt the sent of growing flowers and cut ones , You haue a sence to tast Lampe-oyle , yfaith . And with such judgement haue you chang'd the chambers , Leauing no roome that I can joy to be in In all your house : and now my VValke and all You smoke me from , as if I were a Foxe , And long belike to driue me quite away : VVell walke you there , and I 'le walke where I list . Deli. VVhat shall I doe ? oh I shall neuer please her . Mic. Out on thee dotard , what starre rul'd his birth ? That brought him such a Starre ? blind Fortune still Bestowes her gifts on such as cannot vse them : How long shall I liue , ere I be so happie , To haue a wife of this exceeding Forme ? Away with 'hem , would I had broke a joint , VVhen I deuis'd this that should so dislike her , Away , be are all away . Fido beares all away . Fall. I doe : for feare . Ought that is there should like her . O this man How cunningly he can conceale himselfe , As though he lou'd ? lou'd ? nay honour'd and ador'd ? Deli.

VVhy , my sweet heart ?

Fall. Sweet heart ? oh , better still : And asking , why ? wherefore ? and looking strangely , As if he were as white as innocence . Alas , you 'r simple , you : you cannot change , Looke pale at pleasure , and then red with VVonder : No , no , not you : I did but cast an amorous eye e'en now Vpon a paire of Gloues that somwhat likt me , And straight he noted it , and gaue commaund All should be ta'ne away . Deli. Be they my bane then : VVhat sirra , Fido , bring in those Gloues againe You tooke from hence . Enter Fido . Fall. S'body sirra , but do not : Bring in no Gloues to spite me : if you doe � Deli. Ay me , most wretched ; how am I misconstru'd ? Mac. O , how she tempts my heart-strings with her eye , To knit them to her Beauties , or to breake ? VVhat mou'd the heauens , that they could not make Me such a woman ? but a man ; a Beast , That hath no blisse like to others . VVould to God ( In wreake of my misfortunes ) I were turn'd To some faire water-Nymph , that set vpon The deepest whirlepit of the rau'nous Seas , My Adamantine eyes might headlong hale This Iron world to me , and drowne it all . Enter Fungoso in Briskes sute . GREX . Cord.

Behold , behold , the translated Gallant .

Mit.

O , he is welcome .

Fung.

God saue you Brother , and Sister , God saue you sir ; I haue commendations for you out i' the countrey : ( I wonder they take no knowledge of my Sute : ) mine Vncle Soghardo is in towne ; Sister , me thinkes you are Melancholly : why are you so sad ? I thinke you tooke me for Master Fastidius Briske ( Sister ) did you not ?

Fall.

VVhy should I take you for him ?

Fung.

Nay nothing , I was lately in Maister Fastidius his companie , and me thinkes we are very like .

Deli.

You haue a faire suit Brother , God giue you joy on 't .

Fung.

Faith good ynough to ride in Brother , I made it to ride in .

Fall.

O , now I see the cause of his idle demaund was his new suit .

Deli.

Pray you good Brother ; trie if you can cha�ge her mood .

Fung.

I warrant you , let mee alone . I 'le put her out of her dumpes . Sister , how like you my suit ?

Fall.

O you are a gallant in print now Brother .

Fung.

Faith , how like you the fashion ? it 's the last Edition I assure you .

Fall.

I cannot but like it to the desert .

Fung.

Troth sister , I was faine to borrow these Spurres , I ha' left my gowne in gage for 'hem , pray you lend me an angell .

Fall.

Now beshrow my heart then .

Fung.

Good truth I 'le pay you againe at my next exhibitior : I had but bare tenne pound of my father , and it would not reach to put me wholly into the fashion .

Fall.

I care not .

Fung.

I had Spurres of mine owne before , but they were not Ginglers . Monsieur Fastidius will be here anone Sister .

Fall.

You jest ?

Fung.

Neuer lend me penny more ( while you liue then ) and that I 'ld be loth to say , in truth .

Fall.

VVhen did you see him ?

Fung.

Yesterday , I came acquainted with him at Sir Puntarvolo's : nay sweet Sister .

Mac. I faine would know of heauen now , why yond foole Should weare a suit of Sattin ? he ? that Rooke ? That painted Iay with such a deale of outside ? VVhat is his inside trow ? ha , ha , ha , ha , ha . Good Heauen giue me patience , A number of these Popenjayes there are , VVhom if a man conferre , and but examine Their inward merit , with such men as want ; Lord , Lord , what things they are ! Fall.

Come , when will you pay me againe now ?

Fung.

O God Sister .

Enter Fastidius Briske in a new suit . Mac.

Here comes another .

Fast.

Saue you Signior Deliro : how do'st thou sweet Ladie ? Let me kisse thee .

Fung.

How ? a new sute ? Ay mee .

Deli.

And how do's Maister Fastidius Briske ?

Fast.

Faith liue in court Signior Deliro , in grace I thanke God , both of the noble Masculine and Feminine . I must speake with you in priuate by and by .

Deli.

VVhen you please Sir .

Fall.

VVhy looke you so pale brother ?

Fung.

S'lid all this money is cast away now .

Mac.

I , ther 's a newer Edition come forth .

Fung.

T is but my hard fortune : wel , I 'le haue my sute cha�g'd , I 'le goe fetch my tailor presently , but first I 'le deuise a letter to my father . Ha' you any pen and inke Sister ?

Fall.

VVhat would you doe withall ?

Fung.

I would vse it . S'light and it had come but foure daies sooner the Fashion .

Exit . Fast.

There was a Countesse gaue mee her hand to kisse to day i' the presence : 'did me more good by Iesu , then , and yesternight sent her Coach twise to my lodging , to intreat me accompanie her , and my sweet mistresse , with some two or three namelesse Ladies more : O , I haue been grac't by 'hem beyond all aime of affection : this' her garter my dagger hangs in : and they doe so commend and approue my apparell , with my judicious wearing of it , it 's aboue wonder .

Fall.

Indeed Sir , 't is a most excellent suit , and you do weare it as extraordinarie .

Fast.

VVhy I 'le tell you now ( in good faith ) and by this Chaire , which ( by the grace of God ) I entend presently to sit in , I had three Sutes in one yeere , made three great Ladies in loue with me : I had other three , vndid three Gentlemen in imitation : & other three , gat three other Gentlemen , VViddowes of three thousand pound a yeere .

Deli.

Is 't possible ?

Fast.

O beleeue it sir ; your good Face is the VVitch , & your Apparell the Spells , that bring all the pleasures of the world into their Circle .

Fall.

Ah , the sweet Grace of a Courtier !

Mac.

VVell , would my father had left me but a good Face for my portion yet ; though I had shar'd the vnfortunate VVit that goes with it , I had not car'd : I might haue past for somewhat i' the world then .

Fast.

VVhy , assure you Signior , rich apparell has strange vertues : it makes him that hath it without meanes , esteemed for an excellent VVit : he that enjoyes it with means , puts the world in remembrance of his meanes : it helpes the deformities of Nature , and giues Lustre to her beauties ; makes continuall Holiday where it shines ; sets the wits of Ladies at worke , that otherwise would be idle : furnisheth your two-shilling Ordinarie ; takes possession of your Stage at your new Play ; and enricheth your Oares , as scorning to go with your Scull .

Mac.

Pray you sir , adde this ; it giues Respect to your fooles , makes many Theeues , as many Strumpets , and no fewer Bankrupts .

Fall.

Out , out , vnworthy to speake where he breatheth .

Fast.

VVhat 's he , Signior ?

Deli.

A friend of mine , sir .

Fast.

By heauen , I wonder at you Cittizens , what kind of Creatures you are ?

Deli.

VVhy sir ?

Fast.

That you can consort your selues with such poore seame-rent fellowes .

Fall.

He sayes true .

Deli.

Sir I will assure you ( how euer you esteeme of him ) hee 's a man worthie of regard .

Fast.

VVhy ? what ha's he in him of such vertue to bee reguarded ? ha ?

Deli.

Marry he is a Scholler Sir .

Fast.

Nothing else ?

Deli.

And he is well trauail'd .

Fast.

He should get him cloths : I would cherish those good parts of trauell in him , and preferre him to some Nobleman of good place .

Deli.

Sir , such a benefit should bind me to you for euer ( in my friends right ) and I doubt not but his desert shall more than answere my praise .

Fast.

VVhy , and he had good cloths , I 'ld carrie him to the Court with me to morrow .

Deli.

Hee shall not want for those Sir , if Gold and the whole Cittie will furnish him .

Fast.

You say well Sir : faith Signior Deliro , I am come to haue you play the Alchymist with me , and chaunge the Species of my land , into that mettall you talke of .

Deli.

VVith all my heart Sir , what summe will serue you ?

Fast.

Faith some three or fourescore pound .

Deli.

Troth Sir I haue promist to meet a Gentleman this morning in Paules , but vpon my returne I 'le dispatch you .

Fast.

I 'le accompanie you thither .

Deli.

As you please Sir ; but I goe not thither directly .

Fast.

'T is no matter , I haue no other designement in hand , and therefore as good goe along .

Deli.

I were as good haue a Quartane feauer follow me now , for I shall ne're bee rid of him : ( bring me a Cloke there one ) Still vpon his grace at the Court am I sure to be visited ; I was a beast to giue him any hope . VVel , would I were in that I am out with him once , and � Come Signior Macilente , I must co�ferre with you as wee goe . Nay deere wife , I beseech thee forsake these moods : looke not like winter thus . Here take my keres , open my counting houses , spread all my wealth before thee , choose any object that delights thee : If thou wilt eate the spirit of Gold , and drinke dissolu'd Pearle in wine , 't is for thee .

Fall.

So Sir .

Deli.

Nay my sweet wife .

Fall.

Good Lord ! how you are perfumed in your tearmes and all : pray you leaue vs .

Deli.

Come Gentlemen .

Fast.

Adiew , sweet Ladie .

Exeunt all but Fallace . Fall.

I , I , Let thy words euer sound in mine eares , and thy Graces disperse contentment through all my sences : O , how happie is that Ladie aboue other Ladies , that enjoyes so absolute a Gentleman to her Seruant ! A Countesse giue him her hand to kisse ! ah foolish Countesse ; he e's a man worthie ( if a woman may speake of a mans worth ) to kisse the lips of an Empresse .

Enter Eungoso , with his Taylor . Fun.

VVhat 's Master Fastidius gone , Sister ?

Fall.

I brother : he has a Face like a Cherubin .

Fun.

Gods me , what lucke 's this ? I haue fetcht my Taylor and all : which way went he Sister ? can you tell ?

Fall.

Not I , in good faith : and hee has a Bodie like an Angell .

Fun.

How long is 't since he went ?

Fall.

VVhy but e'en now : did you not meet him ? and a Tongue able to rauish any woman i' the earth .

Fun.

O , for Gods sake ( I 'le please you for your paines : ) but e'en now , say you ? Come good sir : S'lid I had forgot it too : Sister , if any body aske for mine Vncle Sogliardo , they shall ha' him at the Heralds Office yonder by Paules .

Exit , with his Taylor . Fall.

VVell , I will not altogither despaire : I haue heard of a Cittizens wife has been belou'd of a Courtier ; and why not I ? heigh ho : well , I will into my priuat Chamber , locke the dore to me , and thinke ouer all his good parts one after another .

Exit . GREX . Mit.

VVell , I doubt this last Scene will endure some grieuous Torture .

Cord.

How ? you feare 't will be rackt by some hard Construction ?

Mit.

Doe not you ?

Cord.

No in good faith : vnlesse mine eyes could light mee beyond Sence , I see no reason why this should be more Liable to the Racke than the rest : you 'le say perhaps the Cittie will not take it wel , that the Merchant is made here to dote so perfectly vpon his wife ; and shee againe , to be so Fastidiously affected , as she is ?

Mit.

You haue vtter'd my thought sir , indeed .

Cord.

VVhy ( by that proportion ) the Court might as well take offence at him we call the Courtier , and with much more Pretext , by how much the place transcends and goes before in dignitie and vertue : but can you imagine that any Noble or true spirit in the Court ( whose Sinewie , and altogither vnaffected graces , very worthily expresse him a Courtier ) will make any exception at the opening of such an emptie Trunk as this Briske is ? or thinke his owne worth empeacht by beholding his motley inside ?

Mit.

No Sir , I doe not .

Cord.

No more , assure you , will any graue wise Cittizen , or modest Matron , take the object of this Follie in Deliro and his VVife ; but rather apply it as the foile to their owne vertues : For that were to affirme , that a man writing of Nero , should meane all Emperours : or speaking of Machiavell , comprehend all States-men ; or in our Sordido , all Farmars ; and so of the rest : than which , nothing can bee vtter'd more malicious and absurd . Indeed there are a sort of these narrow-ey'd Decipherers , I confesse , that will extort straunge and abstruse meanings out of any Subject , bee it neuer so Conspicuous and Innocently deliuerd . But to such ( where e're they sit conceald ) let them know , the Authour defies them , and their writing-Tables ; and hopes , no sound or safe judgement will infect it selfe with their contagious Comments , who ( indeed ) come here only to pervert and poyson the sence of what they heare , and for nought else .

Mit.

Stay , what new Mute is this that walkes so suspiciously ?

ACTUS TERTIUS ,
SCENA PRIMA . Enter Cavalier Shift , with two Siquisses in his hand . Cord.

O , marry this is one , for whose better Illustration ; we must desire you to presuppose the Stage , the middle Isle in Paules ; and that , the VVest end of it .

Mit.

So Sir : and what followes ?

Cord.

Faith a whole volume of Humor , and worthie the vnclasping

Mit.

As how ? what name doe you giue him first ?

Cord.

Hee hath shift of names Sir : some call him Apple Iohn , some Signior Whiffe , marry his maine standing name is Cavalier Shift : the rest are but as cleane shirts to his Natures

Mit.

And what makes he in Paules now ?

Cord.

Troth as you see , for the aduancement of a Siquis or two ; wherein he has so varied himselfe , that if any one of 'hem take , he may hul vp and down i' the Humorous world a litle longer :

Mit.

It seemes then , he beares a very changing saile ?

Cord.

O , as the wind Sir : here comes More .

Enter Orenge . Shift .

This is rare , I haue set vp my bils without discouerie .

Oren.

VVhat ? Signior Whiffe ? what fortune has brought you into these VVest parts ?

Shift .

Troth Signior , nothing but your Rheume ; I haue ben taking an ounce of Tabacco hard by here with a gentleman , and I am come to spit priuate in Paules . God saue you Sir .

Oren.

A dieu good Signior Whiffe .

Enter Cloue . Cloue .

Maister Apple Iohn ? you are well met : when shall wee sup together , and laugh and be fat with those good wenches ? ha ?

Shift .

Faith Sir , I must now leaue you , vpon a few Humours and occasions : but when you please Sir .

Exit . Cloue .

Farewell sweet Apple Iohn : I wonder there are no more store of Gallants here ?

GREX . Mit.

VVhat be these two , Signior ?

Cor.

Mary a couple sir , that are meere straungers to the whole scope of our Play ; only come to walke a turne or two i'th is Scene of Paules by chaunce .

They walke togither . Oren.

Saue you , good Master Clouc .

Cloue .

Sweet Master Orenge .

GREX . Mit.

How ? Cloue , and Orenge ?

Cor.

I , & they are well met , for 't is as dry an Orenge as euer Grew : nothing but Salutation , and O God sir , and It pleases you to say so Sir ; one that can laugh at a jest for co�panie with a most plausible , and extemporall grace ; and some houre after in priuate aske you what it was : the other , Monsieur Cloue , is a more spic't youth : he wil sit you a whole afternoon sometimes , in a book-sellers shop , reading the Greeke , Italian , and Spanish ; when hee vnderstands not a word of either : if hee had the Tongues to his Sutes , he were an excellent Linguist .

Cloue .

Doe you heare this reported for certeintie ?

Oreng .

O good sir .

Enter Puntarvolo , Carlo : two seruing men following , one leading the Dogge . Punt.

Sirrah , take my Cloake : and you sir knaue , follow me closer : if thou loosest my Dogge , thou shalt die a Dogges death ; I will hang thee .

Carl.

Tut , feare him not , hee 's a good leane slaue , hee loues a Dogge well I warrant him ; I see by his lookes , I : masse hee 's somewhat like him . Sblood poyson him , make him away with a crooked pinne , or somwhat man ; thou maist haue more securitie of thy life : and so Sir , what ? you ha' not put out your whole venter yet ? ha' you ?

Punt.

No , I doe want yet some fifteene or sixteene hundred pounds : but my Ladie ( my wife ) is out of her Humor ; she does not now goe .

Carl.

No ? how then ?

Punt.

Mary , I am now enforc't to giue it out , vpon the returne of my selfe , my Dogge , and my Cat .

Carl.

Your Cat ? where is shee ?

Punt.

My Squire has her there in the Bag : Sirrah , looke to her : How lik'st thou my change , Carlo ?

Car.

Oh , for the better sir ; your Cat has nine liues , & your wife ha' but one .

Punt.

Besides , shee will neuer be Sea-sicke , which will saue me so much in Conserues : when saw you Signior Sogliardo ?

Car.

I came from him but now , hee is at the Heralds Office yonder : hee requested me to goe afore and take vp a man or two for him in Paules , against his Cognisance was readie .

Punt.

VVhat ? has he purchast armes then ?

Car.

I , and rare ones too : of as many Colours , as e're you saw any fooles coat in your life . I 'le go look among yond' Bills , and I can fit him with Legs to his Armes .

Punt.

VVith Legs to his Arms ! Good : I will go with you sir .

They goe to looke vpon the Bills . Enter Fastidius , Deliro , and Macilente . Fast.

Come , le ts walke in the Mediterraneum : I assure you sir I am not the least respected among Ladies ; but let that passe : doe you know how to goe into the Presence Sir ?

Mac.

VVhy , on my feet sir .

Fast.

No , on your head sir : for 't is that must beare you out , I assure you : as thus sir : You must first haue an especiall care so to weare your Hat , that it oppresse not confusedly this your Predominant or Fore-top ; because ( when you come at the Presence dore ) you may with once or twice stroking vp your Forehead thus , enter with your Predominant perfect : that is , standing vp stiffe .

Mac.

As if one were frighted ?

Fast.

I sir .

Mac.

VVhich indeed , a true feare of your Mistresse should doe , rather than Gumme water , or whites of Egges : is 't not so Sir ?

Fast.

An Ingenious obseruation : giue mee leaue to craue your name sir .

Deli.

His name is Macilente sir .

Fast.

Good Signior Macilente : if this Gentleman , Signior Deliro , furnish you ( as he saies he will ) with clothes , I will bring you to morrow by this time into the Presence of the most Diuine and Acute Ladie of the Court : you shall see sweet Silent Rhetorique , and Dumbe Eloquence speaking in her eye ; but when shee speakes her selfe , such an Anatomie of VVit , so Sinewiz'd and Arteriz'd , that 't is the goodliest Modell of pleasure that euer was , to behold . Oh , shee strikes the world into Admiration of her ; ( O , O , O ) I cannot expresse 'hem beleeue me .

Mac.

O , your onely Admiration , is your silence , sir .

Punt.

'Fore God Carlo , this is good ; let 's read 'hem againe : If there be any Ladie , or Gentlewoman of good carriage , that is desirous to entertaine ( to her priuat vses ) a young , straight , and vpright Gentleman , of the age of fiue , or sixe and twentie at the most : who can serue in the nature of a Gentleman Vsher , and hath little legges of purpose , and a blacke Satten Sute of his owne to goe before her in : which Sute ( for the more sweetning ) now lyes in Lauander : and can hide his face with her Fanne , if need require : or sit in the cold at the stayre foot for her as well as an other Gentleman : Let her subscribe her Name and Place , and diligent respect shall bee giuen . This is aboue measure excellent : ha ?

Carl.

No this , this : here 's a fine slaue .

Punt.

If this Cittie , or the Sub-urbs of the same , doe affourd any yong Gentleman , of the first , second , or third head , more or lesse , whose friends are but lately deceased , & whose lands are but new come to his hands , that ( to bee as exactly qualified as the best of our Ordinaric Gallants are ) is affected to entertaine the most Gentlemanlike vse of Tabacco : as first , to giue it the most exquisite Persume : then , to know all the delicate sweet Formes for the Assumption of it : as also the rare Corollarie and practise of the Cuban Ebolition , EVRIPVS , and Whiffe ; which wee shall receiue or take in here at London , and evaporate at Vxbridge , or farder , if it please him . If there be any such Generous spirit , that is truly enamour'd of these good faculties : May it please him , but ( by a note of his hand ) to specifie the place , or Ordinarie where he vses to eat and Lie , and most sweete attendance with Tabacco , and Pipes of the best sort shall be ministred : STET QVAESO CANDIDE LECTOR . why this is without Paralell , this !

Carlo

VVell , I 'le marke this fellow for Sogliardo's vse presently .

Punt.

Or rather , Sogliardo for his vse .

Carlo .

Faith either of 'hem will serue , they are both good Properties : I 'le designe the other a place too , that we may see him .

Punt.

No better place than the Mitre , that we may be Spectators with you Carlo . Soft , behold , who enters here : Signior Sogliardo ! God saue you .

Enter Sog. Sog.

Saue you good sir Punt arvolo ; your Dogge 's in health sir I see : how now Carlo ?

Carl.

VVe haue ta'ne simple paines to choose you out followers here .

Punt.

Come hither Signior .

They shew him the Bills . Cloue .

Monsieur Orenge , yond' Gallants obserues vs ; pr'y thee let 's talke Fustian a little and gull 'hem : make 'hem beleeue we are great Schollers .

Oreng .

O Lord sir .

Cloue .

Nay , pr'y thee let 's , by Iesu ; you haue an excellent habit in discourse .

Oreng .

It pleases you to say so sir .

Cloue .

By this Church you ha' la : nay come , begin : Aristotle in his Daemonologia approoues Scaliger for the best Nauigator in his time : and in his Hypercritiques , hee reports him to be Heautontimoroumenos : you vnderstand the Greeke sir ?

Oreng .

O God sir .

Mac.

For societies sake hee does . O here be a couple of fine tame Parrats .

Cloue .

Now Sir , VVhereas the Ingenuitie of the time , and the soules Synderisis are but Embrions in Nature , added to the panch of Esquiline , and the Inter-vallum of the Zodiack , besides the Eclipticke line being Opticke , and not Mentall , but by the contemplatiue and Theoricke part there of , doth demonstrate to vs the vegetable circumference , and the ventositie of the Tropicks , and whereas our intellectuall or mincing capreall , ( according to the Metaphisickes ) as you may read in Plato's Histriomastix . You conceiue me Sir ?

Oren.

O Lord Sir .

Cloue .

Then comming to the pretie Animall , as Reason long since is fled to Animals you know , or indeed for the more modellizing or enamelling , or rather diamondizing of your subiect , you shall perceiue the Hipothersis or Galaxia , ( where of the Meteors long since had their Initiall inceptions and Notions ) to be meerely Pithagoricall , Mathematicall , and Aristocraticall : for looke you Sir , there is euer a kind of Concinnitie and Species . Let us turne to our former discourse , for they marke vs not .

Fast.

Masse , yonder 's the knight Puntarvolo .

Deli.

And my cousin Sogliardo me thinkes .

Mac.

I , and his familiar that haunts him , the Deuill with a shining face .

Deli.

Let 'hem alone , obserue 'hem not .

Sogliardo , Punt. Car . walke . Sog.

Nay I will haue him , I am resolute for that , by this Parchment Gentlemen , I haue ben so toil'd among the Harrots yonder , you will not beleeue , they doe speake i' the straungest language , and giue a man the hardest termes for his money , that euer you knew .

Carl.

But ha' you armes ? ha' your armes ?

Sog.

Yfaith , I thanke God I can write my selfe Gentleman now , here 's my Pattent , it cost me thirtie pound by this breath .

Punt.

A very faire Coat , well charg'd and full of Armorie .

Sog.

Nay , it has as much varietie of colours in it , as you haue seene a Coat haue , how like you the Crest Sir ?

Punt.

I vnderstand it not well , what is 't ?

Sog.

Marry Sir , it is your Bore without a head Rampant .

Punt.

A Bore without a head , that 's very rare .

Carl.

I , and Rampant too : troth I commend the Heralds wit , he has deciphered him well : A Swine without a head , without braine , wit , any thing indeed , Ramping to Gentilitie . You can blazon the rest signior ? can you not ?

Sog.

OI , I haue it in writing here of purpose , it cost me two shillings the tricking .

Carl.

Let 's heare , Let 's heare .

Punt.

It is the most vile , foolish , absurd , palpable , and ridiculous Escutcheon that euer this eye survis'd . Saue you good Mounsieur Fastidius .

They salute as they meet in the walke . Carl.

Silence good knight : on , on .

Sog.

GYRONY of eight peeces , AZVRE and GVLES , between three plates a CHEV'RON engrailed checkey , OR , VERT and ERMINES ; on a cheefe ARGENT between two ANN'LETS , sables a Bores head PROPER

Carl.

How 's that ? on a cheefe ARGENT ?

Sog.

On a Cheefe ARGENT , a Bores head PROPER betweene two ANN'LETS sables .

Carl.

S'lud , it 's a Hogs Cheeke and Puddings in a Peuter field this

Sog.

How like you them signior ?

Punt.

Let the word be , Not without mustard , your Crest is very rare sir .

Here they Shift , Fast mixes with Punt. Carl. and Sogli . Deliro and Macilente , Cloue and Orenge , foure couple . Carl.

A frying pan to the Crest had had no fellow .

Fast.

Intreat your poore friend to walke off a little Signior , I will salute the knight .

Carl.

Come , lap 't vp , lap 't vp .

Fast.

You are right wel encou�tred sir , how do's your fair Dog ?

Punt.

In reasonable state sir , what Cittizen is that you were consorted with ? a merchant of any worth ?

Fast.

'T is Signior Deliro sir .

Punt.

Is it he ? Saue you sir .

Deli.

Good sir Puntarvolo .

Salute . Mac.

O what Copie of foole would this place minister to one endew'd with Patience to obserue it ?

Car.

Nay looke you sir , now you are a Gentleman , you must carry a more exalted presence , change your mood and habite to a more austere forme , be exceeding proud , stand vpon your Gentilitie , and scorne euery man . Speak nothing humbly , neuer discourse vnder a Nobleman , though you ne're saw him but riding to the Starre-chamber , it 's all one . Loue no man , Trust no man , Speake ill of no man to his face , nor well of any man behind his backe . Salute fairly on the front , and wish 'hem hangd vpon the turne . Spread your selfe vpon his bosome publickely , whose heart you would eat in priuat . These be principles , think on 'hem , I 'le come to you againe presently .

Exit Car. Sogliardo mixes with Punt. and Fast. Pun.

Sirah , keep close , yet not so close , thy breath wil thaw my ruffe .

Sog.

O good cousin , I am a little busie , how do's my neece , I am to walk with a knight here .

Enter Fung. with his Tailor . Fung.

O he is here , look you sir , that 's the Gentleman :

Tail.

VVhat he i' the blush-colour'd Sattin ?

Fun.

I , he sir , though his Sute blush , he blushes not : look you , that 's the Sute sir : I would haue mine , such a Sute without differe�ce , such Stuffe , such a VVing , such a Sleeue , such a Skirt , Belly & all ; therfore , pray you obserue it . Haue you a pair of Tables ?

Fast.

VVhy do you see sir ? they say I am Phantastical : why true , I know it , & I pursue my Humor stil in co�tempt of this censorious age : S'light & a man should do nothing but what a sort of stale iudgeme�ts about this town wil approue in him , he were a sweet Asse , I l'd beg him yfaith : I ne're knew any more find fault with a fashion , then they that knew not how to put themselues into 't . For mine owne part , so I please mine own appetite , I am carelesse what the fustie VVorld speakes of me , puh :

Fung.

Doe you marke how it hangs at the knee there ?

Tail.

I warrant you sir .

Fung.

For Gods sake do , note all : do you see the Coller sir ?

Tail.

Feare nothing , it shall not differ in a stitch sir .

Fun.

Pray God it do not , you 'le make these linings serue ? & helpe me to a Chapman for the outside , will you ?

Tail.

I 'le doe my best sir : you 'le put it off presently :

Fung.

I , goe with me to my chamber you shall haue it , but make hast of it , for the loue of Christ , for I 'le sit i' my old sute , or else lie a bed and read the Arcadia , till you haue done .

Exit with tailor . Enter Car. Carl.

O , if euer you were strucke with a jest , gallants , now , now . I doe vsher the most strange peece of Militarie Profession , that euer was discouer'd in Insula Paulina .

Fast.

VVhere ? where ?

Punt.

VVhat is he for a Creature ?

Car.

A Pimpe , a Pimpe , that I haue obseru'd yonder , the rarest Superficies of a Humor ; hee comes euery morning to emptie his lungs in Paules here , and offers vp some fiue or six Hecatomb's of faces and sighes , and away againe . Here he comes ; nay walk , walke , be not seene to note him , and wee shall haue excellent sport .

Enter Shift : Walkes by , and vses action to his-Rapier . Punt.

S'lid he vented a sigh e'ne now , I thought hee would haue blowne vp the church .

Carl.

O you shall haue him giue a number of those false fires ere he depart .

Fast.

See now he is expostulating with his Rapier , Looke , Looke .

Carl.

Did you euer in your daies obserue better passion ouer a hilt ?

Punt.

Except it were in the person of a Cutlers boy , or that the fellow were nothing but Vapour , I should thinke it impossible .

Carl.

See , again , he claps his sword o' the head , as who should say , VVell , goe to .

Fast.

O violence , I wonder the blade can containe it selfe , being so prouokt .

Carl. With that , the moodie Squire thumpt his brest , And rear'd his eyen to Heauen for Reuenge . Sog.

Troth , and you be Gentlemen , Let 's make 'hem friends , and take vp the matter betweene his Rapier and he .

Car.

Nay , if you intend that , you must lay downe the matter , for this Rapier ( it seemes ) is in the nature of a Hanger on , and the good Gentleman would happily be rid of him .

Fast.

By my faith , and 't is to be suspected , I 'le aske him .

Mac. O here 's rich stuffe , for Christ sake , let vs goe , A man would wish himselfe a sencelesse pillar , Rather than view these monstrous prodigies : Nil habet infelix Paupertas durius in se , Quam quod Ridiculos homines facit . Exit , with Deliro . Fast.

Signior .

Shift .

At your seruice .

Fast.

VVill you sell your Rapier ?

Carl.

Sbloud he is turn'd wild vpon the question , hee lookes as he had seene a Serjeant .

Shift .

Sell my Rapier ? now God blesse me .

Punt.

Amen .

Shift .

You ask't me , if I would sell my Rapier Sir ?

Fast.

I did indeed .

Shift .

Now Lord haue mercie vpon me .

Punt.

Amen I say still .

Shift .

S'lud Sir , what should you behold in my face Sir , that should moue you ( as they say Sir ) to aske me Sir , if I would sell my Rapier ?

Fast.

Nay ( let me pray you Sir ) bee not mou'd : I protest I would rather haue been silent than any way offensiue , had I knowne your nature .

Shift .

Sell my Rapier ? Gods lid : Nay Sir ( for mine own part ) as I am a man that has seru'd in causes , or so , so I am not apt to injure any Gentleman in the degree of falling foule , but : sell my Rapier ? I will tell you Sir , I haue seru'd with this foolish Rapier , where some of vs dare not appeare in hast , I name no man : but let that passe ; Sell my Rapier ? Death to my Lungs . This Rapier Sir , has trauail'd by my side Sir , the best part of Fraunce and the low Countrey : I haue seene Vlishing , Brill , and the Haghe with this Rapier sir , in my Lord of Leysters time : and ( by Gods will ) he that should offer to disrapier me now , I would . � Looke you sir , you presume to bee a Gentleman of good sort , and so likewise your friends here , if you haue any disposition to trauell , for the sight of seruice or so , One , two , or all of you , I can lend you letters to diuers Officers and Commaunders in the Low Countries , that shall for my cause do you all the good offices that shall pertaine or belong to Gentlemen of your � Please you to shew the Bountie of your mind Sir , to impart some ten groates or halfe a Crowne to our vse , till our abilitie be of grow'th to returne it , and we shall thinke our selfe . � Sbloud , sell my Rapier ?

Sog.

I pray you what said he Signior , hee 's a proper man .

Fast.

Mary hee tells me , If I please to shew the bountie of my mind , to impart some ten groats to his vse or so .

Punt.

Breake his head , and giue it him .

Carl.

I thought he had been playing on the Iewes Trump I .

Shift .

My Rapier ? no Sir : my Rapier is my Guard , my Defence , my Reuenew , my Honour : ( if you cannot impart bee secret I beseech you ) and I will maintaine it , where there is a graine of dust or a drop of water : ( hard is the choise when the valiant must eat their Armes or clem : ) Sell my Rapier ? no my Deare , I will not be diuorc't from thee yet , I haue euer found thee true as Steele : and ( you cannot impart Sir ) God saue you Gentlemen : ( neuerthelesse if you hauie a fancie to it sir . )

Fast.

Pr'y thee away : is Signior Deliro departed ?

Car.

Ha' you seene a Pimpe out-face his owne wants better .

Sog.

I commend him , that can dissemble them so well .

Punt.

True , and hauing no better a cloake for it than he has neither .

Fast.

Gods precious , what mischieuous lucke is this : adiew Gentleme� .

Punt.

VVhither Monsieur such hast , Monsieur Fastidius ?

Fast.

After my Merchant , Signior Deliro sir .

Carl.

O hinder him not , he may hap loose his Tide , a good Flounder i' faith .

Exit . Oren.

Harke you Sig . Whiffe , a word with you .

Carl.

How ? Signior Whiffe ?

Oren . & Cloue call Shift aside . Oren.

VVhat was the difference betweene t hast young Gallant that 's gone , and you sir .

Shift .

No difference : hee would ha' giu'n me fiue pound for my Rapier , and I refus'd it ; that 's all .

Clou.

O , was it no otherwise ? we thought you had ben vpon some terms .

Shift .

No other than you saw sir .

Clou.

Adieu good Master Apple Iohn .

Exeu�t Oren . & Cloue . Carl.

How ? Whiffe , and Apple Ioan too ? Hart , what 'll you say if this be the Appendix , or Labell to both yond' Indentures ?

Punt.

It may be .

Car.

Resolue vs of it Ianus , thou that lookst euery way ; or thou Hercules , that hast trauail'd all Countries .

Pun.

Nay Carlo , spend not time in Inuocations now ; t is late .

Car.

Signior , here 's a Gentleman desirous of your name sir .

Shift .

Sir , my name is Caualier Shift : I am knowne sufficiently in this walke sir .

Carl.

Shift ? I heard your name varied e'en now , as I take it .

Shift .

True sir , it pleases the world ( as I am her excellent Tabacconist ) to giue me the Style of Signior Whiffe : as I am a poore Esquire about the towne here , they call me Master Apple Iohn : varietie of good names does well sir .

Carl.

I , and good parts , to make those good names : out of which I imagine yond' Bills to be yours .

Shift .

Sir , if I should denie the Scriptures , I were worthy to be banisht the middle I 'le for euer .

Carl.

I take your word Sir : this Gentleman has subscrib'd to 'hem , & is most desirous to become your Pupil ; mary you must vse expedition : Signior Insulso Sogliardo , this is the Professor .

Sog.

In good time sir , nay good sir house your head , doe your professe these sleights in Tabacco ?

Shift .

I doe more than professe sir , and ( if you please to be a practioner ) I wil vndertake in one fortnight to bring you , that you shall take it plausibly in any Ordinarie , Theatre , or the Tilt-yard if need be ; the most popular assembly that is .

Punt.

But you cannot bring him to the Whiffe so soone ?

Shift .

Yes as soone sir ; he shall receiue the 1 , 2 , and 3 Whiffe , if it please him , & ( vpon the receit ) take his horse , drinke his three cups of Canarie , and expose one at Hounslow , a second at Stanes , and a third at Bagshot .

Carl.

Baw-waw .

Sog.

You wil not serue me sir , will you� ? I 'le giue you more tha� Countenance .

Shift .

Pardon me sir , I doe scorne to serue any man .

Carl.

VVho ? he serue ? Sbloud he keeps High men , & Low men , he ; he has a faire liuing at Fullam .

Shift .

But in the nature of a fellow , I 'le bee your follower if you please .

Sog.

Sir you shall stay and dine with me , and if we can agree , wee le not part in hast : I am very bountifull to men of qualitie . VVhere shall we go Signior .

Punt.

Your Miter is your best house .

Shift .

I can make this dog take as many whiffes as I list , and he shall retaine or efume them at my pleasure .

Punt.

By your patience , follow me fellowes .

Sog.

Sir Puntarvolo .

Punt.

Pardon me , my Dog shall not eat in his companie for a Million .

Exit Puntarvolo with his followers . Carl.

Nay be not you amaz'd signior Whiffe , what e're that stiffeneckt Gentleman say's .

Sog.

No , for you doe not know the Humor of the dog as wee do : where shall we dine Carlo ? I would faine goe to one of these Ordinaries now I am a Gentleman .

Carl.

So you may , were you neuer at none yet ?

Sog.

No faith , but they say there resorts your most choise gallants .

Car.

True , and the fashion is , when any straunger comes in amongst 'hem , they all stand vp and stare at him , as hee were some vnknowne beast brought out of Affricke , but that 'll bee help't with a good adventurous face , you must bee impudent ynough , sit downe and vse no respect , when any thing 's propounded aboue your capacitie , smile at it , make two or three faces , and 't is excellent , they 'le thinke you haue trauail'd : though you argue a whole day in Silence thus , and discourse in nothing but Laughter , 't will passe . Onely ( now and then ) giue fire , Discharge a good full Oth , and offer a great VVager , 't will be admirable .

Sog.

I warrant you , I am resolute , come good Signior , there 's a poore French crowne for your Ordenarie .

Shift .

It comes well , for I had not so much as the least Portcullice of come before .

Exeunt . GREX . Mit.

I trauell with another objection Signior , which I feare will be enforc'd against the Author , ere I can be deliuer'd of it

Cord.

VVhat 's that sir ?

Mit.

That the argument of his Comedie might haue ben of some other nature , as of a Duke to be in loue with a Countesse , & that Countesse to be in loue with the Dukes son , & the son to loue the Ladies waiting maid : some such crosse woing , with a Clowne to their seruingman , better than to be thus neere and familiarly allied to the time .

Cord.

You say well , but I would faine hear one of these Autumne - judgements define once , Quid sit Comoedia ? if he cannot , let him content himselfe with Ciceros definition ( till hee haue strength to propose to himself a better ) who would haue a Comedie to be Imitatio vitae , Speculum Consuetudinis , Imago veritatis , a thing throughout pleasant and ridiculous , and accommodated to the correction of manners : if the maker haue fail'd in any particle of this , they may worthily taxe him , but if not , why ; be you ( that are for them ) silent , as I will bee for him ; and giue way to the Actors .

SCENA SECUNDA Enter Sordido with a halter about his necke . Sord.

Nay Gods-pretious , if the weather and the Season be so respectlesse , that Beggers shall liue as well as their betters ; and that my hunger and thirst for Riches , shall not make them hunger and thirst with Pouertie ; that my sleepes shall be broken , and their hearts not broken ; that my coffers shall be full , and yet care ; theirs emptie , and yet merry : T is time that a Crosse should beare flesh and bloud , since flesh and bloud cannot beare this crosse .

GREX . Mit.

VVhat will he hang himselfe ?

Cor.

Faith I , it seemes his Prognostication has not kept touch with him , and that makes him despaire .

Mit.

Be shrow me , he wil be out of his Humor then indeed .

Sord.

Tut , these star-monger knaues , who would trust 'hem ? one saies , darke and rainie , when 't is as cleare as Christall ; another saies , tempestuous blasts , and stormes , and 't was as calme as a Milke bowle ; here be sweet rascals for a man to credite his whole fortunes with : You skie-staring Cocks combes you : you fat braines , out upon you ; you are good for nothing but to sweat night-caps and make rug-gownes deare : you learned men , and haue not a Legion of Deuils , a vostre seruice : a vostre seruice ? By heauen I thinke I shall die a better scholler than they , but soft , how now sirah .

Enter a Hind with a letter . Hind .

Here 's a letter come from your Sonne sir .

Sord.

From my Sonne sir ? what would my Sonne sir ? some good newes no doubt .

The letter .

Sweet and deare father , ( desiring you first to send mee your blessing , which is more worth to me than Gold or Siluer ) I desire you likewise to bee aduertised , that this Shrouctide ( contrarie to custome ) wee vse alwaies to haue Reuels ; which is indeed Dauncing , and makes an excellent shew in truth ; especially if wee Gentlemen bee well attir'd , which our Seniors note , and thinke the better of our fathers , the better wee are maintain'd , and that they shall know if they come vp , and haue any thing to doe in the Law : therefore good Father , these are ( for your owne sake as well as mine ) to re-desire you , that you let me not want that which is fit for the setting vp of our name in the honourable volume of Gentilitie , that I may say to our Calumnators with Tullie , EGO SVM ORTVS DOMVS MEAE , TV OCCASVSTVAE . And thus ( not doubting of your fatherly Beneuolence ) humbly ask you blessing , and pray God to blesse you .

Yours , if his owne .

How 's this ; Yours , if his owne ? is he not my Sonne , except he be his owne Sonne . Belike this is some new kind of subscription the Gallants vse . VVell , wherefore doest thou stay knaue ? Away : goe .

Exit Hind .

Here 's a letter indeed ; Reuels ? and benevolence ? is this a weather to send beneuolence ? or is this a season to reuell in ? Slid the Deuill and all takes part to vexe me I thinke : this letter would neuer haue come now else , now , now , when the sunne shines , and the aire thus cleare . Soule if this hold , we shall shortly haue an excellent crop of Corne spring out of the high waies , the Streets , and Houses of the towne will be hid with the rankenesse of the fruits that grow there in spight of good Husbandrie . Goe to I 'le preuent the sight of it , come as quickly as it can , I will preuent the sight of it . I haue this remedie Heauen : stay ; I 'le trie the paine thus a little , O , nothing , nothing . VVell now : shall my sonne gaine a beneuolence by my death ? or any bodie be the better for my Gold or so forth : No Aliue , I kept it fro� 'hem , and ( dead ) my ghost shall walke about it and preserue it , my Sonne and Daughter shal sterue ere they touch it , I haue hid it as deepe as Hell from the sight of Heauen , and to it I go now .

Falls off . Enter Rustici , 5 or 6 , one after another . Rust. 1

Aye me , what pitifull sight is this ? helpe , helpe , help !

Rust. 2

How now ? what 's the matter ?

Rust. 1

O here 's a man has hang'd himselfe , helpe to get him againe .

Rust. 2

Hang'd himselfe ? Slid carry him afore a Iustice , 't is chance medley on my word .

Rust. 3

How now , what 's here to do ?

Rust. 4

How comes this ?

Rust. 2

One has executed himselfe contrarie to the order of Law , and by my consent he shall answer 't .

Rust. 5

VVould he were in case to answere it .

Rust. 1

Stand by , he recouers , giue him breath .

Sord.

Oh .

Rust. 5

Masse , 't was well you went the footway neighbour .

Rust. 1

I , and I had not cut the halter .

Sord.

How ? cut the halter ? Aye me , I am vndone , I am vndone .

Rust. 2

Marry if you had not been vndone , you had beene hang'd I can tell you .

Sord.

You thredbare horse-bread eating rascals , if you would needs haue been medling , could you not haue vntied it , but you must cut it ? and in the midst too ? Aye me .

Rust. 1

Out on me , 't is the Caterpiller Sordido ; how cursed are the poore , that the viper was blest with this good fortune ?

Rust. 2

Nay how accurst are thou , that art cause to the curse of the poore ?

Rust. 3

I , and to saue so wretched a Caytife .

Rust. 4

Curst be thy fingers that loos'd him .

Rust. 2

Some desperate furie possesse thee , that thou maist hang thy selfe too .

Rust. 5

Neuer maiest thou be sau'd , that sau'd so damn'd a monster .

Sord. VVhat curses breath these men ? how haue my deeds Made my lookes differ from another mans , That they should thus detest , and loth my life ? Out on my wretched Humor , it is that Makes me thus monstrous in true humane eies . Pardon me ( gentle friends ) I 'le make faire mends For my foule errors past and twentie-fold Restore to all men , what with wrong I rob'd them : My Barnes and Garners shall stand open still To all the poore that come , and my best graine Be made almes-bread to feed halfe-famisht mouths . Though hetherto amongst you I haue liu'd Like an vnsauorie Muck hill to my selfe , Yet now my gather'd heapes being spread abroad , Shall turne to better , and more fruitfull vses . Blesse then this man , curse him no more for sauing My life and soule together . O how deepely The bitter curses or the poore do pierce ! I am by wonder chang'd ; come in with me And witnesse my repentance : now I proue , " No life is blest , that is not grac't with Loue . Rust. 2

O miracle ! see when a man ha's grace .

Rust. 3

Had 't not been pitie so good a man should haue ben cast away ?

Rust. 2

VVell , I 'le get our Clarke put his conversion in the Chronicle .

Rust. 4

Doe , for I warrant him hee 's a vertuous man .

Rust.

O god how he wept if you mark't it : did you see how the teares trill'd ?

Rust. 5

Yes beleeue mee ; like maister Vicars bowles vpon the greene , for all the world .

3 or 4

O neighbour , god's blessing your heart neighbour , 't was a good gratefull deed .

Exeunt . GREX . Cord.

How now Mitis ? what 's that you consider so seriously ?

Mit.

Troth , that which doth essentially please me : the warping condition of this greene and soggie multitude : but in good faith Signior , your Author hath largely outstript my expectation in this Scene , I will liberally confesse it . For when I saw Sordido so desperately intended , I thought I had had a hand of him then .

Cord.

VVhat ? you suppos'd hee should haue hung himselfe indeed ?

Mit.

I did ; and had fram'd my objection to it readie , which may yet be very fitly vrg'd , & with some necessitie : for though his purpos'd violence lost th' effect , & extended not to death , yet the Intent & Horror of the object was more than the nature of a Comedie will in any sort allow .

Cord.

I ? what thinke you of Plautus in his Come die called Cistellaria there ? where he brings in Alcesimarchus with a drawne sword readie to kill himselfe , and as hee is e'ne fixing his breast vpon it , to bee restrain'd from his resolu'd outrage by Silenium and the Bawd : is not his authoritie of power to giue our Scene approbation ?

Mit.

Sir , I haue this ( your only ) euasion left mee , to say , I thinke it bee so indeed , your memorie is happier than mine : but I wonder what engine he will vse to bring the rest out of their Humors ?

Cord.

That will appeare anone , neuer preoccupie your imagination withall . Let your mind keepe companie with the Scene stil , which now remoues it selfe from the Countrie to the Court . Here comes Macilente and Signior Briske freshly suted , loose not your selfe , for now the Epitasis or busie part of our Subject is in Action .

SCENA TERTIA Enter Macilente , Briske , Cinedo , with Tabacco . Fast.

VVell now Signior Macilente , you are not onely welcome to the Court , but also to my mistresse with drawing cha�ber : Boy get me some Tabacco , I 'le but goe in , and shew I am here , and come to you presently sir .

Exit . Mac. VVhat 's that he said ? by heauen I markt him not , My thoughts , and I were of another world ; I was admiring mine owne outside here , To thinke what priuiledge and palme it beares Here in the court : Be a man ne're so vile In wit , in judgement , manners , or what else ; If he can purchase but a Silken couer , He shall not only passe , but passe regarded : VVhereas let him be poore and meanely clad , Though ne're so richly parted ; you shall haue A fellow ( that knowes nothing but his Beefe Or how to rince his clammie guts in beere ) VVill take him by the shoulders or the throte , And kicke him downe the staires , Such is the state Of vertue in bad Cloths , ha , ha , ha , ha , That Raiment should be in such high request ? How long should I be ere I should put off To my Lord Chancelors tombe , or the Shriues posts ? By heauen ( I think ) a thousand thousand yeare , His Grauities , his wisdome , and his faith , To my dread Soueraigne ( graces that suruiue him ) These I could well endure to reuerence , But not his Tombe , no more than I 'le commend The Chappell Organ for the guilt without , Or this bace Violl for the varnisht face . Enter Fast. Fast.

In faith I haue made you stay somewhat long sir , but is my Tabacco readie boy ?

Cinc.

I Sir .

Fast.

Giue me , my mistresse is upon comming , you shall see her presently sir , ( Tab. ) you 'le say you neuer accosted a more piercing wit . This Tabacco is not dried Boy , or else the Pipe 's defectiue . Oh , your wits of Italie are nothing comparable to her , her braine 's a very Quiuer of jests , and she do's dart them abroad with that sweet loose and judiciall aime that you would � here she comes sir .

Enter Sauiolina , and goes in againe . Mac.

'T was time , his inuention had been bogd else .

Saui.

Giue me my fanne there .

Mac.

How now Mounsieur Briske ?

Fast.

A kind of affectionate reuerence strikes me with a cold shiuering ( me thinkes . )

Mac.

I like such tempers well , as stand before their Mistresses with feare and trembling , and before their Maker like impudent mountaines .

Fast.

By Iesu , I 'ld spend twentie pound my vauting Horse stood here now , she might see me doe but one tricke ?

Mac.

VVhy do's she loue actiuitie ?

Cine.

Or if you had but your long stockings on to be dauncing a Galliard , as she comes by .

Fast.

I either . O these stirring humors make Ladies mad with desire , she comes . My good Genius embolden me , Boy the Pipe quickly .

Enter Sauiolina . Mac.

VVhat ? will he giue her musicke ?

Fast.

A second good morrow to my faire mistresse .

Saui.

Faire seruant , I 'le thanke you a day hence , when the date of your salutation comes forth .

Fast.

How like you that answere ? is 't not admirable ?

Mac.

I were a simple Courtier , if I could not admire trifles sir .

Fast.

Troth sweet Ladie I shall ( Tab. ) be prepar'd to giue you thankes for those thanks , and ( Tab. ) studie more officious and obsequous regards ( Tab. ) to your faire beauties : ( Tab. ) mend the pipe boy .

Mac.

I ne're knew Tabacco taken as a parenthesis before .

Fast.

Fore God ( sweet Ladie ) beleeue it , I doe honour the meanest rush in this chamber for your loue .

Saui.

I , you need not tell me that sir , I do think you do prize a rush before my loue .

Mac.

Is this the wonder of nations ?

Fast.

O , by Iesu pardon me , I said for your loue , by this light ; but it is the accustomed sharpenesse of your Ingenuitie sweet Mistresse to � Masse your Violl 's new strung me thinkes .

Takes downe the Violl . Mac.

ingenuitie ; I see his ignorance will not suffer him to slander her ; which he had done most notably , if he had said Wit for Ingenuitie , as he meant it .

Fast.

By the soule of Musicke Ladie ( hum , hum . )

Saui.

VVould we might heare it once .

Fast.

I doe more adore and admire your ( hum , hum ) predominant perfections than ( hum , hum ) euer I shall haue power and facultie to expresse ( hum . )

Saui.

Vpon the Violl de Gambo you meane ?

Fast.

It 's miserably out of tune , by this hand .

Saui.

Nay rather by the fingers .

Mac.

It makes good Harmonie with her wit .

Fast.

Sweet Ladie tune it . Boy some Tabacco .

Mac.

Tabacco againe ? hee do's court his mistresse with very exceeding good changes .

Fast.

Signior Macilente , you take none sir ? ( Tab. )

Mac.

No , vnlesse I had a mistresse Signior , it were a great Indecorum for me to take Tabacco .

Fast.

How like you her wit ? ( Tab. )

Mac.

Her ingenuitie is excellent sir .

Fast.

You see the subject of her sweet fingers there ? ( Tab. ) Oh shee tickles it so , that ( Tab. ) shee makes it laugh most Diuinely ; ( Tab. ) I 'le tell you a good jeast now , and your selfe shall say it 's a good one : I haue wisht my selfe to be that Instrument ( I thinke ) a thousand times , and not so few , by Heauens ( Tab. )

Maci.

Not vnlike Sir : but how ? to be cas'd vp and hung by on the wall ?

Fast.

O , no Sir , to be in vse I assure you ; as your judicious eyes may testifie . ( Tab. )

Saui.

Here Seruant , if you will play , come .

Fast.

Instantly sweet Ladie ( Tab. ) In good faith here 's most Diuine Tabacco .

Saui.

Nay , I cannot stay to Daunce after your Pipe .

Fast.

Good , nay deare Ladie stay : by this sweet Smoake , I thinke your wit be all fire : ( Tab. )

Mac.

And hee 's the Salamander that liues by it .

Saui.

Is your Tabacco perfum'd Sir ? that you sweare by the sweet Smoake ?

Fast.

Still more excellent : ( before God , and these bright Heauens ) I thinke ( Tab. ) you are made of Ingenuitie , I ( Tab. )

Maci.

True , as your discourse is : O abhominable !

Fast.

VVill your Ladiship take any ?

Saui.

O , peace I pray you ; I loue not the breath of a Woodcocks head .

Fast.

Meaning my head , Ladie ?

Saui.

Not altogither so Sir ; but ( as it were Fatall to their follies that thinke to grace themselues with taking Tabacco , when they want better entertainment ) you see your Pipe beares the true forme of a Woodcocks head .

Fast.

O Admirable Simile !

Saui.

'T is best leauing of you in Admiration , Sir .

Exit Sauiolina . Mac.

Are these the admired Ladie-wits , that hauing so good a Plaine-song , can runne no better Diuision vpon it . S'heart , all her jests are of the stampe March was fifteene yeeres agoe . Is this the Comet Monsieur Fastidius , that your Gallants wonder at so ?

Fast.

Hart of a Gentleman to neglect mee afore presence thus : Sweet sir , I beseech you be silent in my disgrace , By Iesu , I neuer was in so vile a Humor in my life , and her wit was at the floud too , Report it not for a million good sir ; let me be so farre endear'd to your loue .

Exeunt . GREX . Mit.

VVhat followes next Signior Cordatus ? this Gallants Humor is almost spent mee thinkes , it ebbes apace , with this contrarie breath of his mistresse .

Cord.

O , but it will flow againe for all this , till there come a generall drought of Humor among all our Actors , and then I feare not but his will fall as low as any . See who presents himselfe here :

Mit.

VVhat , i' the old case ?

Cord.

Yfaith , which makes it the more pittifull , you vnderstand where the Scene is ?

ACTUS QUARTUS ,
SCENA PRIMA . Enter Fungoso , Fallace following him . Fall.

VVhy are you so melancholy Brother ?

Fun.

I am not melancholy I thanke you Sister .

Fall.

VVhy are you not merry then ? there are but two of vs in all the world , and if we should not be comforts to one another , God helpe vs .

Fung.

Faith , I cannot tell Sister , but if a man had any true Melancholie in him , it would make him melancholie , to see his yeomanly father cut his neighbours throats to make his sonne a Gentleman : and yet when he has cut 'hem , hee will see his sonnes throat cut too , ere he make him a true Gentleman indeed , before Death cut his owne throat � I must be the first Head of our house , and yet he will not giue mee the head , till I be made so . Is any man tearm'd a Gentleman that is not alwaies i' the fashion ? I would know but that .

Fall.

If you be melancholy for that Brother , I think I haue as much cause to be melancholy , as one ; for I 'le be sworne I liue as little in the fashion , as any woman in London . By the Bible of heauen ( beast that I am to say it ) I haue not one friend i' the world besides my husband . VVhen saw you Maister Fastidius Briske , Brother ?

Fung.

But a while since Sister , I thinke , I know not well in truth . By Gods lid I could sight with all my heart me thinkes .

Fall.

Nay good Brother , be not resolute .

Fung.

I sent him a letter , and hee writes mee no answere neither .

Fall.

Oh sweet Fastidius Briske , O fine Courtier , thou art hee mak'st me sigh and say , How blessed is that woman that hath a Courtier to her husband ? and how miserable a dame she is that hath neither husband nor friend in the Court : O sweet Fastidius , O fine Courtier . How comely hee bowes him in his courtesie ? how full hee hits a woman betwixt the lips when hee kisses ? how vpright hee sits at the Table ? how daintily hee carues ? how sweetly hee talkes , and tels newes of this Lord , and of that Ladie ? how cleanely hee wipes his spoon at euery spoonfull of any whit-meat hee eats , and what a near case of picketooths hee carries about him still ? Oh sweet Fastidius , O fine Courtier !

Enter Deliro with Musitians . Deli.

See yonder shee is Gentlemen , now ( as euer you 'le beare the name of Musitians ) touch your instruments sweetly , shee has a delicate eare , I tell you , play not a false note I beseech you .

Music .

Feare not Signior Deliro .

Deli.

O begin , begin , some sprightly thing ; Lord , how my imagination labours with the successe of it : well said , good yfaith , heauen graunt it please her , I 'le not bee seene , for then shee 'le be sure to dislike it .

Fall.

Hey da , this is excellent , I 'le lay my life this is my husbands dotage , I thought so , nay neuer play peeke-boe with me , I know you do nothing but studie how to anger me sir .

Deli.

Anger thee , sweet wife ? why didst thou not send for Musitians to supper last night thy selfe ?

Fall.

To Supper sir ? now come vp to Supper I beseech you : as though there were no difference betweene Supper time when folkes should be merrie , and this time when they would be Melancholly ? I would neuer take vpon me to take a wife , if I had no more Iudgement to please her .

Deli

Be pleas'd sweet wife , and they shall ha' done : & would to Christ my life were done , if I can neuer please thee .

Exit Musitians . Enter Macilente . Mac.

God saue you Ladie ; where is Master Deliro ?

Deli.

Here , Master Macilente : you 'r welcome from the Court Sir ; no doubt you haue been grac't exceedingly of Master Briskes Mistresse , and the rest of the Ladies for his sake ?

Maci. Alas , the poore Phantasticke , hee 's scarse knowne To any Ladie there : and those that know him , Know him the simplest man of all they know : Deride , and play vpon his amorous Humors , Though he but Apishly doth imitate The gallan't Courtiers , kissing ladies Pumps , Holding the Cloth for them , praising their VVits , And seruilely obseruing euery one , May doe them pleasure : Fearefull to be seene VVith any man ( though he be ne're so worthy ) That 's not in grace with some that are the greatest . Thus Courtiers doe , and these he counterfeits , But sets not such a sightly carriage Vpon their vanities , as they themselues ; And therefore they despise him : for indeed Hee 's like a Zani to a Tumbler , That tries trickes after him to make men laugh . Fall.

Here 's an vnthankfull spitefull wretch : the good Gentleman vouchsaft to make him his companion ( because my husband put him into a few Rags ) and now see how the vnrude Rascall backbites him .

Deli.

Is he no more grac't amongst 'hem then ? say you ?

Mac.

Faith like a pawne at Chesse , fills vp a roume , that 's all .

Fall.

O monster of men ! can the Earth beare such an enuious Caitiffe ?

Deli.

VVell , I repent mee I e're credited him so much : but ( now I see what he is , and that his masking viz or is of ) I 'le forbear him no longer : all his lands are morgag'd to me , and forfeited : besides , I haue Bonds of his in my hand for the receit of now xx pound , now xxx , now xxv : still as hee has had a Fan but wagg'd at him , he would be in a new Sute . VVel , I 'le salute him by a Sergeant , the next time I see him yfaith , I 'le Suit him .

Mac.

VVhy , you may soone see him Sir , for hee is to meet Signior Puntarvolo at a Notaries by the Exchange presently , where he meanes to take vp vpon returne .

Fall.

Now out vpon thee Iudas ; canst thou not be content to backbite thy friend , but thou must betray him ? wilt thou seeke the vndoing of any man ? and of such a man too ? and will you Sir get your liuing by the counsell of Traitors ?

Deli.

Deare wife , haue patience .

Fall.

The house wil fal , the ground wil open , and swallow vs : I 'le not bide here for all the Gold an Siluer in Heauen .

Exit . Deli.

O good Macilente , let 's follow and appease her , or the Peace of my life is at an end .

Exit . Maci.

Now Pease , and not Peace feed that life , whose head hangs so heauily ouer a womans Manger .

Exit . Enter Fallace running , at another dore , and claps it too . Fall.

Help me brother : Gods body and you come here , I 'le do my selfe a mischiefe .

Deli.

Nay , heare me sweet wife , vnlesse thou wilt haue mee goe , I will not goe .

Within . Fall.

Tut , you shall ne're ha' that vantage of me , to say you are vndone by mee : I 'le not bid you stay , I . Brother , sweet brother , here 's foure Angels , I 'le giue you toward your Sute ; for the loue of Iesu , and as euer you came of Christen creature , make hast to the water side ( you know where Master Fastidius vses to land ) and giue him warning of my husbands intent ; and tell him of that leane Rascals treacherie : O Iesu , how my flesh rises at him ? nay , sweet brother make hast ; you may say I would haue writ to him , but that the necessitie of the time would not suffer it : He cannot choose but take it extraordinarily from me : and Commend me to him , good brother : say I sent you .

Exit . Fung.

Let me see ; these foure Angels : and then fortie shillings more I can borrow on my Gowne in Fetter-lane : well , I will goe presently , say on my Sute , pay as much money as I haue , and sweare my selfe into Credit with my Taylor for the rest .

Exit .
SCENA SECUNDA . Enter Deliro , with Macilente , speaking as they passe ouer the Stage . Deli.

O , on my Soule you wrong her , Macilente , Though she be froward , yet I know she is honest .

Mac.

VVell , then haue I no Iudgement ; would nay woman ( but one that were wild in her affections ) haue broke out into that immodest and violent Passion against her husband ? or is 't possible �

Deli.

If you loue me , forbeare ; all the Arguments i' the world shall neuer wrest my heart to beleeue it .

Exeunt . GREX . Cord.

How like you the Deciphering of his Dotage ?

Mit.

O , strangely ; and of the others Enuie too , that labors so seriously to set debate betwixt a man and his wife , Stay , here comes the Knight Aduenturer .

Cord.

I , and his Scriuener with him .

SCENA TERTIA Enter Puntarvolo , Notarie , with Serving-men . Punt.

I wonder Monsieur Fastidius comes not ! but Notarie , if thou please to draw the Indentures the while , I will giue thee the Theorie .

Not.

VVith all my heart Sir ; and I 'le fall in hand with 'hem presently .

Punt.

VVell then , first ; the Summe is to be vnderstood .

Not.

Good sir .

Punt.

Next , our seuerall Appellations , and Character of my Dog and Cat must be knowne : shew him the Cat Sirrah .

Not.

So sir .

Punt.

Then , that the intended Point , is the Turkes Court in Constantinople : the Time limited for our Returne , a yeere : and that if either of vs miscarrie , the whole Venter is lost . These are Generall ; conceiu'st thou ? or if either of vs turne Turque .

Not.

I Sir .

Punt.

Now for Particulars : that I may make my trauails by Sea or Land , to my best liking : and that ( hiring a Coach for my selfe ) it shall be lawfull for my Dog and Cat to ride with mee in the said Coach .

Not.

Very good sir .

Punt.

That I may choose to giue my Dog or Cat Fish , for feare of Bones , or any other Nutriment , that ( by the judgement of the most Autenticall Physicians where I trauaile ) shall be thought dangerous .

Not.

VVell sir .

Punt.

That ( after the receit of his money ) he shall neither in his owne person , nor any other , either by direct or indirect meanes ; as Magique , Witchcraft , or other such Exoticke Artes , attempt , practise , or complot any thing , to the prejudice of Mee , my Dogge , or my Cat : Neither shall I vse the helpe of any such Sorceries or Enchantments ; as Vnctions , to make our skinnes impenetrable , or to trauaile inuisible by vertue of a Pouder , or a Ring , or to hang any three-forked Charme about my Dogs necke , secretly conuey'd into his Collar : vnderstand you ? but that all be performed , sincerely , without fraud or Imposture .

Not.

So sir .

Punt.

That ( for testimonie of the Performance ) my selfe am to bring thence a Turkes Mustachio , my Dogge a Hares lip , and my Cat the traine or taile of a Rat .

Not.

'T is done sir .

Punt.

'T is said Sir , not done sir , but forward . That vpon my returne and landing on the Tower wharfe with the aforesaid Testimonie , I am to receiue fiue for one , according to the proportion of the summes putforth .

Not.

VVell Sir .

Punt.

Prouided , That if before our departure or setting forth , either my selfe , or these be visited with sicknesse , or any other casuall euent , so that the whole course of the Aduenture be hindred thereby ; that then , He is to returne , and I am to receiue the prenominated Proportion , vpon faire and equall tearmes .

Not.

Very good sir ; is this all ?

Punt.

It is all Sir : and dispatch them good Notarie .

Not.

As fast as is possible Sir .

Exit Enter Carlo . Punt.

O Carlo , welcome : saw you Monsieur Briske ?

Car.

Not I : did he appoint you to meet here ?

Punt.

I , and I muse he should be so tardie : hee is to take an hundred pounds of mee in venter , if hee maintaine his promise .

Car.

Is his houre past ?

Punt.

Not yet , but it comes on apace .

Carl.

Tut , be not jealous of him ; he will sooner breake all the ten Commaundements , than his Houre ; vpon my life in such a case trust him .

Punt.

Me thinkes Carlo , you looke very smooth ? ha ?

Carl.

VVhy I come but now from a Hothouse , I must needs looke smooth .

Punt.

From a Hothouse ?

Car.

I , doe you make a wonder on 't ? why it 's your onely Phisicke . Let a man sweat once a weeke in a Hothouse , and be well rubd and froted with a good plumpe juicie wench , and sweet linnen , he shall ne're ha' the Poxe .

Punt.

VVhat ? the French Poxe ?

Car.

The French Poxe ! our Poxe : S'blood wee haue 'hem in as good forme as then man : what ?

Punt.

Let me perish , but thou art a Villaine : was your new-created Gallant there with you ? Sogliardo ?

Carl.

O Porpuse , hang him , no : hee 's a Lieger at Hornes Ordinarie yonder : his villanous Ganimede and hee ha' been droning a Tabacco Pipe there , euer sin' yesterday noone .

Punt.

VVho ? Signior Tripartite , that would giue my Dogge the Whiffse ?

Car.

I , hee : they haue hir'd a chamber and all priuat to practise in , for the making of the Patoun , the Receit Reciprocall , and a number of other mysteries , not yet extant . I brought some dosen or twentie Gallants this morning to view 'hem ( as you 'ld doe a piece of Perspectiue ) in at a key-hole ; and there we might see Sogliardo sit in a Chaire , holding his snowt vp like a Sow vnder an Apple-tree , while th' other open'd his Nostrills with a Poking-sticke , to giue the smoake a more free deliuerie . They had spit some three or fourescore ounces betweene 'hem , afore we came away .

Punt.

How ! spit three or fourscore ounces ?

Carl.

I , and preseru'd it in Porrengers , as a Barber does his Blood when he pricks a veine .

Punt.

Out Pagan ; how dost thou pricke the Vaine of thy friend ?

Carl.

Friend ? Is there any such foolish thing i' the world ? ha ? S'lid I ne're rellisht it yet .

Punt.

Thy Humor is the more dangerous .

Carl.

No not a whit Signior : Tut , a man must keepe time in all : I can oyle my tongue when I meet him next , and looke with a good slicke forehead ; 't will take away all soyle of Suspicion , and that 's inough : what Lynceus can see my heart ? Pish , the title of a Friend , it 's a vaine idle thing , only venerable among fooles : you shall not haue one that has any opinion of wit affect it .

Enter Deliro , and Macilente . Deli.

Saue you good Sir Puntarvolo .

Punt.

Signior Deliro ! Welcome .

Deli.

Pray you sir , did you see Master Fastidius Briske ? I heard he was to meet your VVorship here .

Punt.

You heard no Figment sir , I doe expect him euery minute my VVatch strikes .

Deli.

In good time sir .

Carl.

There 's a fellow now , lookes like one of the Patricians of Sparta , mary his wit 's after ten i' the hundred . A good Bloud-hound , a close mouth'd Dog , hee followes the sent well , marry hee 's at a fault now me thinks .

Punt.

I should wonder at that Creature is free from the daunger of thy tongue .

Carl.

O I cannot abide these limmes of Sattin , or rather Sathan indeed , that 'll walke ( like the children of darkenesse ) all day in a melancholy shop , with their pockets full of Blankes , readie to swallow vp as many poore vnthrifts , as come within the verge .

Punt.

So : and what hast thou for him that is with him now ?

Carl.

O ( Damne me ) Immortalitie , I 'le not meddle with him , the pure Element of Fire , all Spirit , Extraction .

Punt.

How Carlo ? ha , what is he man ?

Car.

A scholler , Macilente , doe you not know him ? a lanke rawbon'd Anatomie , he walks vp and down like a charg'd Musket , no man dares encounter him : that 's his Rest there .

Punt.

His Rest ? why has he a forked head ?

Carl.

Pardon me , that 's to be suspended , you are too quick , too apprehensiue .

Deli.

Troth ( now I think on 't ) I 'le defer it til some other time .

Mac.

Gods-pretious , not by any meanes Signior , you shall not loose this opportunitie , he will be here presently now .

Deli.

Yes faith Macilente , 't is best . For looke you sir , I shall so exceedingly offend my wife in 't , that �

Mac.

Your wife ? now for shame loose these thoughts , and become the master of your own spirits . Should I ( if I had a wife ) suffer my self to be thus passionatly caried ( to and for ) with the streame of her Humort and neglect my deepest affairs , to serue her affections ? Sbloud I would geld my selfe first .

Deli.

O but Signior , had you such a wife as mine is , you wold �

Mac.

Such a wife : Now God hate mee sir , if euer I discern'd any wonder in your wife yet , with all the Speculation I haue : I haue seene some that ha' beene thought fairer than she , in my time ; and I haue seene those , ha'not beene altogether so tall , esteem'd proper women ; and I haue seen lesse Noses grow vpon sweeteer Faces , that haue done very well too in my judgemment : but in good faith Signior for all this , the Gentlewoman is a good prettie prowd hard-fauour'd thing , mary not so peerlessely to be doted vpon , I must confesse : nay be not angrie .

Deli.

VVell sir ( how euer you please to forget your selfe ) I haue not deseru'd to be thus plai'd vpon , but henceforth , pray you forbear my house , for I can but faintly endure the sauor of his breath at my table , that shal thus jade me for my courtesies .

Mac.

Nay then Signior , let me tell you , your wife is no proper woman by Iesu , and I suspect her honestie , that 's more , which you may likewise suspect ( if you please : ) doe you see ? I le vrge you to nothing against your appetite , but if you please , you may suspect it .

Deli.

Good Sir .

Exit . Mac.

Good sir ? Now Horne vpon Horne pursue thee , thou blind egregious Dotard .

Carl.

O you shall heare him speake like Enuie . Signior Macilente , you saw Mounsieur Briske lately ? I heard you were with him at the Court .

Mac.

I Buffone , I was with him .

Carl.

And how is hee respected there ? ( I know you le deale ingeniously with us ) is he made of amongst the sweeter sort of gallants ?

Mac. Faith I , his Ciuet and his casting glasse , Haue helpt him to a place amongst the rest , And there his Seniors giue him good sleight lookes , After their Garbe , smile , and salute in French VVith some new complement . Carl.

VVhat is this all ?

Mac. VVhy say , that they should shew the frothie foole , Such grace as they pretend comes from the heart , He had a mightie wind-fall out of doubt . VVhy all their Graces are not to doe Grace To vertue , or desert : but to ride both VVith their guilt Spurres quite breathlesse from themselues . 'T is now esteem'd Precisianisme in wit ; And a Disease in Nature to be kind Toward Desert , to Loue , or seeke good Names : VVho feeds with a Good name ? who thriues with louing ? VVho can prouide feast for his owne desires , VVith seruing others ? ha , ha , ha : 'T is follie by our wisest worldlings prou'd ( If not to gaine by loue ) to be belou'd . Carl.

How like you him ? is 't not a good spitefull slaue ? ha ?

Punt.

Shrewd , shrewd .

Carl.

Damme me , I could eat his flesh now : Deuine sweet villaine .

Maci.

Nay , pr'y thee leaue : what 's he there ?

Carl.

VVho ? this i' the starcht Beard ? it 's the dull stiffe Knight Puntarvolo man ; hee 's to trauaile now presently : hee has a good knottie wit , marry he carries little on 't out of the land with him .

Maci.

How then ?

Carl.

He puts it forth in venter , as he does his money ; vpon the returne of a Dog and Cat .

Maci.

Is this hee ?

Carl.

I , this is hee ; a good tough Gentleman : he looks like a Chine of Brawne at Shrouetide , out of date , and readie to take his leaue : or a drie Poule of Ling vpon Easter-eue , that has furnisht the Table all Lent , as hee has done the Cittie this last Vacation .

Maci.

Come , you 'le neuer leaue your stabbing Simile's : I shall ha' you aiming at me with 'hem by and by , but �

Carl.

O , renounce me then : pure , honest , good Deuill , I loue thee aboue the loue of women ; I could e'en melt in Admiration of thee now : Gods so , looke here man ; Sir Dagonet and his Squire .

Enter Sog. and Shift . Sog.

Saue you my deare Gallanto's . nay , come approach , good Caualier : pr'y thee ( sweet Knight ) know this Gentleman , hee 's one that it pleases me to vse as my good friend and companion ; and therefore doe him good offices : I beseech you Gentles , know him .

Punt.

Sir ( for Signior Sogliardos sake ) let it suffice , I know you .

Sog.

VVhy by Iesu , I thanke you Knight , and it shall suffice . Hearke you Sir Puntarvolo , you 'ld little thinke it ; hee 's as resolute a piece of flesh as any 's i' the world .

Punt.

Indeed sir ?

Sog.

Vpon my Gentilitie sir : Carlo , a word with you ; Doe you see that same fellow there ?

Carl.

VVhat ? Caualier Shift ?

Sog.

O , you know him ; crie you mercie : before God , I think him the tallest man liuing within the walls of Europe .

Carl.

The walls of Europe ! take heed what you say Signior , Europe 's a huge thing within the walls .

Sog.

Tut , ( and 't were as huge againe ) I 'ld justifie what I speake . S'lid he swagger'd e'en now in a place where we were : I neuer saw a man doe it more resolute .

Carl.

Nay indeed swaggering is a good Argument of Resolution . Doe you heare this , Signior ?

Mac. I , to my griefe . O that such muddie Flags For euery drunken florish , should atchieue The name of Manhood ; whil'st true perfect Valour ( Hating to shew it selfe ) goes by despis'd . Sbloud , I doc know now ( in afaire just cause ) I dare doe more than hee ; a thousand times : VVhy should not they take knowledge of this ? ha ? And giue my worth allowance before his ? Because I cannot swagger . Now the Poxe Light on your Pickt-Hatch prowesse . Sog.

VVhy I tell you Sir , he has been the only Bid-stand that euer was , kept New-Market , Salisburie Plaine , Hockley i' the hole , Gads-Hill ; all the high places of any Request : hee has had his Mares and his Geldings hee , ha' been worth fortie , threescore , a hundred pound a Horse , would ha' sprung you ouer hedge and ditch like your Greyhound : hee has done fiue hundred Robberies in his time , more or lesse , I assure you .

Punt.

VVhat ? and scapt ?

Sog.

Scapt ! yfaith I : he has broken the jayle when hee has been in yrons , and yrons ; and been out , and in againe ; & out , and in ; fortie times and not so few , hee .

Mac.

A fit Trumpet to proclaime such a person .

Carl.

But can this be possible ?

Shift .

why 't is nothing sir , when a man giues his Affections to it .

Sog.

Good Pylades discourse a Robberie or two , to satisfie these Gentlemen of thy worth .

Shift .

Pardon me my deare Orestes : Causes haue their Quiddits , and 't is ill jesting with Bell-ropes .

Carl.

How ? Pylades and Orestes ?

Sog.

I , he is my Pylades , and I am his Orestes : how like you the conceit ?

Carl.

O , it 's an old stale Enterlude deuise : No , I 'le giue you Names my selfe : looke you , he shal be your Iudas , and you shal be his Elder tree to hang on .

Maci.

Nay rather , let him be Captaine Pod , and this his Motion ; for he does nothing but Shew him .

Car.

Excellent : or thus ; you shall be Holden , and hee your camell .

Shift .

You doe not meane to ride Gentlemen ?

Punt.

Faith let me end it for you Gallants : you shall be his Countenance , and he your Resolution .

Sog.

Troth that 's prettie : how say you Caualier , shalt be so ?

Carl.

I , I , most voices .

Shift .

Faith I am eas'ly yeelding to any good Impressions :

Sog.

Then giue hands good Resolution .

Car.

Masse he cannot say good Countenance now ( properly ) to him againe .

Punt.

Yes , by an Ironie .

Mac.

O sir , the countenance of Resolution should , as hee 's altogither grim and vnpleasant .

Enter Briske . Fast.

Good houres make Musicke with your mirth Gentlemen , and keepe time to your humors : how now Carlo ?

Punt.

Monsieur Briske ! many a long looke haue I extended for you sir .

Fast.

Good faith I must craue pardon ; I was inuited this morning ere I was out of my bedde , by a Beuie of Ladies , to a Banquet : whence it was almost one of Hercules Labors for me to come away , but that the respect of my promise did so preuaile with me : I know they 'le take it verie ill , especially one that gaue me this Bracelet of her Haire but ouer night , and this Pearle another gaue me from her forehead , Mary she � what ? are the VVritings readie ?

Punt.

I will send my man to know . Sirrah , goe you to the Notaries , and learne if he be readie : leaue the Dog sir .

Exit Seruing-man . Fast.

And how does my rare qualified friend Sogliardo ? oh Signior Macilente ! by these eyes I saw you not , I had saluted you sooner else on my troth : I hope sir I may presume vpon you that you will not divulge my late cheeke , or disgrace indeed sir .

Mac.

You may sir .

Carl.

S'heart hee knowes some notorious jest by this Gull , that he hath him so obsequious .

Sog.

Monsieur Fastidius , doe you see this fellow there ? does hee not looke like a Clowne ? would you thinke there 's any thing in him ?

Fast.

Any thing in him ? beshrow me , I ; the fellow hath a good ingenious face .

Sog.

By this Element , hee is an ingenious tall man as euer swaggerd about London : hee and I call Countenance & Resolution , but his name is Caualier Shift .

Punt.

Caualier , you knew Signior Clog , that was hang'd for the robberie at Harrow on the hill ?

Sog.

Knew him Sir ! why 't was hee gaue all the directions for the Action .

Punt.

How ? was 't your Project sir ?

Shift .

Pardon me Countenance , you doe me some wrong to make that publicke , which I imparted to you in priuat .

Sog.

Gods will , here are none but friends Resolution .

Shift .

That 's all one ; things of Consequence must haue their respects , where , how , and to whome . Yes sir , he shewed himselfe a true Clogge in the Coherence of that affaire sir ; for if he had manag'd matters as they were corroborated to him , it had been better for him by a fortie or fiftie score of pounds sir , and hee himselfe might ha' liu'd ( in despight of Fate ) to haue fedde on Woodcockes with the rest : but it was his heauie fortunes to sinke poore Clogge , and therefore talke no more of him .

Punt.

why , had hee more Agents then ?

Sog.

O God sir ; I , there were some present there , that were the nine Worthies to him yfaith .

Shift .

I sir , I can satisfie you at more conuenient conference : but ( for mine owne part ) I haue now reconcil'd my selfe to other courses , and professe a liuing out of my other qualities .

Sog.

Nay , he has left all now ( I assure you ) and is able to liue like a Gentleman by his Qualitie . By this Dogge , hee has the most rare gift in Tabacco that euer you knew .

Carl.

S'heart , hee keeps more adoe with this Monster , than euer Bankes did with his Horse , or the Fellow with the Elephant .

Mac.

Hee will hang out his Picture shortly in a cloath , you shall see .

Sog.

O , hee do's manage a quarrell the best that euer you saw , for Termes and Circumstances .

Fast.

Good faith Signior ( now you speake of a quarrell ) I 'le acquaint you with a difference that happened betweene a Gallant and my selfe : sir Puntarvolo , you know him if I should name him ; Signior Luculento .

Punt.

Luculento ! what inauspicious chaunce interpos'd it selfe betwixt your two loues ?

Fast.

Faith sir , the same that sundred Agamemnon and great Thetis son ; but let the cause escape Sir : He sent me a challenge ( mixt with some few braues ) which I restor'd , and in fine wee met . Now indeed Sir ( I must tell you ) he did offer at first very desperatly , but without judgement : for looke you sir . I cast my selfe into this figure : now he , comes violently on , and withall advancing his Rapier to strike , I thought to haue took his arme ( for he had left his whole body to my election , and I was sure he could not recouer his guard ) Sir , I mist my purpose in his arme , rasht his doublet sleeue , ran him close by the left cheeke , and through his haire : He again lights me here , I had a gold Cable hatband then new come vp , ( which I wore about a murrey French Hat I had ) cuts my Hatband ( and yet it was Massie , gold-Smithes worke ) cuts my brimmes , which by good fortune ( being thicke embrodered with gold twist , and Spangles ) disapointed the force of the blow : Neuerthelesse it graz'd on my shoulder , takes mee away sixe purles of an Italian cut-worke Band I wore , cost me three pounds in the exchaunge but three daies before .

Punt.

This was a straunge encounter .

Fastid.

Nay you shall heare sir , with this wee both fell out and breath'd : Now ( vpon the second signe of his assault ) I betooke mee to the former manner of my defence ; hee ( on the other side ) abandon'd his bodie to the same daunger as before , and followes mee still with blowes . But I ( being loth to take the deadly advauntage that lay before mee of his left side ) made a kind of stramazoun , ran him vp to the hilts , through the Doublet , through the Shirt , and yet mist the skin . He ( making a reuerse blow ) fals vpon my emboss'd girdle ( I had throwne off the hangers a little before ) strikes off a skirt of a thick lac't Sattin Doublet I had ( lin'd with some foure Taffataes ) cuts of two panes embrodered with Pearle , rents through the drawings out of Tyssow , enters the linings , and skips the flesh .

Carl.

I wonder he speakes not of his wrought Shirt .

Fast.

Here ( in the opinion of mutuall dammage ) we paus'd : but ( ere I proceed ) I must tell you Signior , that ( in this last encounter ) not hauing leisure to put off my siluer Spurres , one of the rowels catcht hold of the ruffle of my Boot , and ( being Spanish leather , and subject to teare ) ouerthrowes me , rends me two paire of silke stockings ( that I put on being somewhat a raw morning , a Peach colour and another ) and strikes me some halfe inch deepe into the side of the Calfe ; He ( seeing the bloud come ) presently takes horse and away . I ( hauing bound vp my wound with a peece of my wrought Shirt )

Car.

O comes it there ?

Fast.

Rid after him , and ( lighting at the court gate both together ) embrac'd and marcht hand in hand vp into the Presence .

Mac.

VVell , by this we can gesse what apparrell the Gentleman wore .

Punt.

'Fore God it was a designment begun with much resolution , maintain'd with as much prowesse , and ended with more humanitie . How now , what saies he ?

His Seruingman enters . Seruing.

The Notarie saies hee is readie sir , he staies but your VVorships pleasure .

Punt.

Come wee will goe to him Mounsieur . Gentlemen shall wee entreat you to be witnesses .

Sog.

You shall entreat mee sir , come Resolution .

Shift .

I follow you good Countenance .

Carl.

Come Signior , come , come .

Maci. O , that there should be fortune To cloth these men , so naked in desert , And that the iust Storme of a wretched life , Beats 'hem not ragged for their wretched soules , And since as fruitlesse , euen as blacke as coales . Exeunt . GREX . Mitis .

VVhy but Signior , how comes it that Fungoso appear'd not with his sisters intelligence to Briske .

Cord.

Mary long of the euill Angels that shee gaue him , who haue indeed tempted the good simple youth to follow the taile of the Fashion , and neglect the imposition of his friends . Behold here hee comes , very VVorshipfully attended , and with good varietie .

SCENA QUARTA . Enter Fungoso with Taylor , Shoe-maker , and Haberdasher . Fung. Gramercie good Shoe-maker , I 'le put too strings my selfe . Exit Shoe-maker . Now Sir , let mee see , what must you haue for this Hat ? Haber.

Here 's the bill , sir .

Fung.

How doest become me , well ?

Taylor .

Excellent Sir , as euer you had any Hat in your life .

Haber.

Nay faith Sir , the Hat 's as good as any man i' this towne can serue you . And will maintaine Fashion as long , ne're trust me for a groat else .

Fung.

Do's it apply well to my sute ?

Tay.

Exceeding well sir .

Fung.

How lik'st thou my suit Haberdasher ?

Hab.

By my troth sir 't is very rarely well made , I neuer saw a sute sit better I can tell on .

Tay.

Nay , we haue no Art to please our friends , we .

Fung.

Here Haberdasher tell this same .

Haberdasher .

Good faith sir , it makes you haue an excellent bodie .

Fung.

Nay ( beleeue me ) I thinke I haue as good a bodie in cloths as another .

Taylor .

You lacke points to bring your apparrell together .

Fung.

I 'le haue points anone : how now ? is 't right ?

Hab.

Faith sir 't is too little , but vpon farther hopes . Good morrow to you sir .

Exit Haberdasher . Fung.

Farewell good Haberdasher , well now maister Smp let me see your bill .

GREX . Mit. Cord.

Mee thinkes he discharges his followers too thicke , O therin he saucily imitates some Great man . I warrant you though he turnes off them , he keepes this Taylor in place of a Page to follow him still .

Fung.

This Bill is very reasonable in faith , harke you maister Snip . Troth sir I am not altogether so well furnisht at this present , as I could wish I were : but � If you 'le doe me the fauour to take part in hand , you shall haue all I haue by Iesu .

Tay.

Sir �

Fung.

And but giue me credite for the rest , till the beginning of the next Tearme .

Tay.

O Lord sir �

Fung.

'Fore God and by this light I 'le pay you to the vtmost , and acknowledge my selfe very deepely engag'd to you by this hand .

Tay.

Why how much haue you there Sir ?

Fung.

Marry I haue here foure Angels , and fifteene shillings of White money , it 's all I haue as' hope to be sau'd .

Tay.

You will not faile mee at the next Tearme with the rest .

Fung.

No and I doe , pray God I bee hang'd . Let me neuer breath againe vpon this mortall Stage , as the Philosopher cals it . By this aire , and ( as I am a Gentleman ) I 'le hold .

GREX . Cord.

He were an yron-hearted fellow in my judgement , that would not credite him vpon these monstrous others .

Tay.

VVell sir , I 'le not sticke with any Gentleman for a trifle : you know what 't is remaines ?

Fung.

I sir , and I giue you thankes in good faith , O God how happie am I made in this good fortune . VVell , now I 'le goe seeke out Mounsieur Briske . Gods so , I haue forgot Ribband for my shoes ; and points . S'lid what lucke 's this ? how shall I doe ? Maister Snippe , pray let me reduct some two or three shillings for points and Ribband , by Iesu I haue vtterly disfurnisht my selfe in the default of memorie , pray , le' mee bee beholding to you , it shall come home i' the bill beleeue mee .

Tay.

Faith sir , I can hardly depart with money , but I 'le take vp and send you by my boy presently . VVhat colour'd Ribband would you haue ?

Fung.

VVhat you shall thinke meet i' your judgement Sir to my sute .

Tayl.

VVell , I 'le send you some presently .

Fung.

And points too sir ?

Tayl.

And points too sir .

Exit Taylor . Fung.

Good Lord how shall I studie to deserue this kindnes of you sir . Pray let your youth make hast , for I should haue done a businesse an hower since , that I doubt I shall come too late . Now in good truth I am exceeding prowd of my sute .

Exit . GREX . Cord.

Do you obserue the plunges that this poore Gallant is put too ( Signior ) to purchase the Fashion .

Mit.

I , and to be still a Fashion behind with the world , that 's the sport .

Cord.

Stay : O here they come from seal'd and deliuer'd .

SCENA QUINTA . Enter Puntarvolo , Fastidius Briske , seruing men with the Dog . Punt.

VVell now my whole venter is forth , I will resolue to depart shortly .

Fast.

Faith sir Puntaruolo goe to the Court , and take leaue of the Ladies first .

Punt.

I care not if it bee this afternoones labour . VVhere is Carlo ?

Fast.

Here he comes .

Enter Carlo , Sogliardo , Shift , and Macilente . Carl.

Faith Gallants , I am persuading this Gentleman to turne Courtier , he is a man of faire Reuenue , and his estate will beare the charge well , besides for his other gifts of the mind , or so , why , they are as Nature lent him 'hem , pure , simple , without any Artificiall drug or mixture of these two thredbare beggerly qualities , Learning and Knowledge , and therefore the more accommodate and Genuine . Now for the life it selfe �

Fasti.

O , the most Celestiall , and full of wonder and delight that can bee imagin'd Signior , beyond all thought and apprehension of Pleasure . A man liues there in that deuine Rapture , that he will thinke himselfe i' the third Heauen for the time , and loose all sence of Mortalitie whatsoeuer ; when hee shall behold such glorious ( and almost immortall ) beauties , heare such Angelicall and Harmonious voices , discourse with such flowing and Ambrosian spirits , whose wits as suddaine as Lightning , and humorous as Nectar ; Oh : it makes a man all Quintessence and Flame , and lifts him vp ( in a moment ) to the very Christall Crowne o' the skie , where ( houering in the stre�gth of his Imagination ) he shall behold all the delights of the Hesperides , the Insulae Fortunatae , Adonis gardens , Tempe , or what else ( confin'd within the amplest verge of Poesie ) to bee meere Vmbrae , and imperfect Figures , confer'd with the most essentiall felicitie of your Court .

Mac.

VVel this ENCOMION was not extemporall , it came too perfectly off .

Car.

Besides Sir , you shall neuer need to goe to a hothouse , you shall sweat there with courting your mistresse , or loosing your money at Primero , as well as in all the Stoues in Flaunders . Mary this sir , you must euer be sure to carrie a good strong perfume about you , that your mistresse Dog may smell you out amongst the rest ; and ( in making loue to her ) neuer feare to be out : for you may haue a pipe of Tabacco , or a base Violl shall hang o' the wall of purpose , will put you in presently . The Tricks your Resolution has taught you in Tabacco , ( the VVhiffe , and those sleights ) will stand you in very good Ornament there ?

Fasti.

I , to some perhaps : but , and hee should come to my Mistresse with Tabacco ( this Gentleman knowes ) shee 'ld replie vpon him yfaith . Oh ( by this bright sunne ) shee has the most acute , readie , and facetious wit , that � tut there 's no spirit able to stand her . You can report it Signior , you haue seene her ?

Punt.

Then can he report no lesse out of his judgement , I assure him .

Maci.

Troth I like her well ynough , but shee 's too selfe-conceited me thinkes .

Fast.

I indeed , shee 's a little too selfe-conceited , and 't were not for that Humor , she were the most to bee admir'd Ladie in the world .

Punt.

Indeed it is a Humor that takes from her other excellencies .

Maci.

VVhy it may easily bee made to forsake her in my thought .

Fasti.

Easily Sir ? then are all impossibilities easie .

Maci.

You conclude too quicke vpon me Signior , what will you say if I make it so perspicuously appeare now , that your selfe shall confesse nothing more possible .

Fasti.

Marry I will say , I will both applaud you , and admire you for it .

Punt.

And I will second him .

Mac.

VVhy I 'le shew you Gentlemen , Carlo come hether .

Macilente , Carlo , Puntarvolo , and Briske , whisper . Sog.

Good faith I haue a great Humor to the Court , what thinkes my Resolutions ? shall I aduenture ?

Shift .

Troth Countenance , as you please ; the Place is a place of good Reputation and Capacitie .

Sog.

O , my trickes in Tabacco ( as Carlo saies ) will shew excellent there .

Shift .

VVhy you may goe with these Gentlemen now , and see fashions ; and after , as you shall see Correspondence .

Sog.

You say true . You will goe with me Resolution ?

Shift .

I will meet you Countenance , about three or foure of Clocke , but , to say to goe with you I cannot , for ( as I am Apple Iohn ) I am to goe before the Cocatrice you saw this morning , and therefore pray , present me excus'd good Countenance .

Sog.

Farewell good Resolution , but faile not to meet .

Shift .

As I liue .

Exit Shift . They breake silence : Punt.

Admirably excellent .

Mac.

If you can but persuade Sogliardo to the Court , there 's all now .

Carl.

O let me alone , that 's my taske :

Fast.

Now by Iesu Macilente , it 's aboue measure excellent : 't will bee the onely courtly exploit that euer prou'd Courtier ingenious .

Punt.

Vpon my soule it puts the Ladie quite out of her Humor , and we shall laugh with judgement .

Carl.

Come , the Gentleman was of himselfe resolu'd to goe with you , afore I mou'd it .

Mac.

VVhy then Gallants , you two and Carlo goe afore to prepare the jeast : Sogliardo and I will come some while after you .

Carl.

Pardon me , I am not for the Court .

Punt.

That 's true : Carlo comes not at the Court indeed well , you shall leaue it to the facultie of Mounsieur Briske , and my selfe ; vpon our liues wee will mannage it happily . Carlo shall bespeake supper at the Miter against wee come backe : where we will meet , and dimple our cheeks with laughter at the successe .

Carl.

I , but will you all promise to come .

Punt.

My selfe shall manfrede it for them : he that failes , let his Reputation lie vnder the lash of thy tongue .

Carl.

Gods so ' , looke who comes here .

Enter Fungoso . Sog.

VVhat , Nephew ?

Fun.

Vncle , God saue you ; did you see a Gentleman , one Monsieur Briske ? a Courtier , he goes in such a Sute as I doe .

Sog.

Here is the Gentleman Nephew , but not in such a Sute .

Fung.

Another Sute !

He Swounes . Sog.

How now Nephew ?

Fast.

VVould you speake to mee Sir ?

Carl.

I , when he has recouered himselfe : poore Poll .

Punt.

Some Rosa-solis .

Maci.

How now Signior ?

Fun.

I am not well Sir .

Mac.

VVhy this it is , to dog the Fashion .

Carl.

Nay come Gentlemen , remember your affaires ; his disease is nothing but the Fluxe of Apparell .

Punt.

Sirs , returne to the lodging , keepe the Cat safe ; I 'le be the Dogs Guardian my selfe .

Exeunt Seruingmen . Sog.

Nephew , will you goe to the Court with vs ; these Gentlemen and I are for the Court : nay be not so Melancholly .

Fung.

By Gods lid I think no man in Christendome has that rescally fortune that I haue .

Maci.

Faith your Sute is well enough Signior .

Fun.

Nay , not for that I protest ; but I had an errand to Monsieur Fastidius , and I haue forgot it .

Maci.

VVhy goe along to the Court with vs , and remember it , come . Gentlemen , you three take one Boat , and Sogliardo and I will take another : we shall be there instantly .

Fast.

Content : good Sir vouchsafe vs your pleasance .

Punt.

Farewell Carlo ; remember .

Carl.

I warrant you : would I had one of Kemps shooes to throw after you .

Punt.

Good Fortune will close the eyes of our jest , feare not : and we shall frollicke .

Exeunt . GREX . Mit.

This Macilente Signior begins to bee more sociable on a suddaine me thinkes , than he was before , there 's some Portent in 't , I beleeue .

Cord.

O hee 's a fellow of a strange Nature . Now do's hee ( in this calme of his Humor ) plot and store vp a world of malicious thoughts in his braine , till he is so full with 'hem , that you shall see the very Torrent of his Envie breake forth , and against the course of all their affections oppose it selfe so violently , that you will almost haue wonder to thinke how 't is possible the current of their Dispositions shall receiue so quicke and strong an alteration .

Mit.

I marry sir , this is that on which my Expectation has dwelt all this while : for I must tell you Signior ( though I was loth to interrupt the Scene ) yet I made it a question in mine owne priuate discourse , how hee should properly call it , Euerie man out of his Humor , when I saw all his Actors so strongly pursue and continue their Humors ?

Cord.

VVhy therein his Art appeares most full of lustre , and approcheth nearest the life , especially when in the flame and height of their Humors they are laid flat , it fils the eye better , and with more contentment . How tedious a sight were it to behold a prowd exalted tree lopt and cut downe by degrees , when it might be feld in a moment ? and to set the Axe to it , before it came to that pride and fulnesse , were as not it haue it grow .

Mit.

VVell I shall long till I see this fall you talke of .

Cord.

To helpe your longing , Signior , let your imagination be swifter than a paire of Oares , and by this , suppose Puntarvolo , Briske , Fungoso , and the Dog , arriu'd at the court gate , and going vp to the great chamber . Macilente and Sogliardo , wee 'le leaue them on the water till Possibilitie and Naturall meanes may land 'hem . Here come the Gallants , now prepare your Expectation .

ACTUS QUINTUS ,
SCENA PRIMA . Enter Puntarvolo , Fastidius Briske , Fungoso , and the Dog . Punt.

Come Lordings . Signior you are sufficiently instructed .

Fast.

VVho I sir ?

Punt.

No , this Gentleman . But stay , I take thought how to bestow my dog , he is no competent atte�dant for the Presence .

Fast.

Masse that 's true in deed knight , you must not carrie him into the Presence .

Punt.

I know it , and I ( like a dull beast ) forgot to bring one of my Cormorants to attend me .

Fast.

VVhy you 're best leaue him at the Porters lodge .

Punt.

Not so : his worth is too well knowne amongst them , to be forth-comming .

Fast.

Slight , how 'll you doe then ?

Punt.

I must leaue him with one that is ignorant of his qualitie , if I will haue him to be safe . And see ; Here comes one that will carrie coales , Ergo , will hold my Dogge . My honest friend , may I commit the tuition of this Dog to thy prudent care ?

Enter a Groome with a basket . Groome .

You may if you please sir .

Punt.

Pray thee let me find thee here at my returne : it shall not be long , till I will Ease thee of thy emploiment , and Please thee . Forth Gentles .

Fast.

VVhy , but will you leaue him with so slight command , and infuse no more charge vpon the fellow ?

Punt.

Charge ? no , there weare no pollicie in that ; that were to let him know the value of the Gem he holds , and so , to tempt fraile nature against her disposition . No , pray thee let thy Honestie be sweet and short .

Groome .

Yes sir .

Punt.

But heark you Gallants , and cheefely Monsieur Brisk , VVhen wee come in eye-shot or presence of this Ladie , let not other matters carrie vs from our Project : but ( if wee can ) single her forth to some place .

Fast.

I warrant you .

Punt.

And be not too suddaine , but let the deuise induce it selfe with good Circumstance : on .

Fun.

Is this the way ? good truth here be fine hangings .

Exeunt Puntarvolo , Briske , Fungoso . Groome .

Honestie , Sweet and Short ? mary it shall sir , doubt you not : for euen at this instant if one would giue me twentie pounds , I would not deliuer him ; there 's for the Sweet : but now , if any man come offer me but two-pence , he shall haue him ; there 's for the Short now . Sbloud , what a mad Humorous Gentleman is this to leaue his Dogge with me : I could runne away with him now and he were worth any thing : well , I pray God send him quickly againe .

Enter Macilente and Sogliardo . Maci.

Come on Signior , now prepare to Court this All-witted Ladie , most Naturally and like your selfe .

Sog.

Faith and you say the word , I 'le begin to her in Tabacco .

Maci.

O , fie on 't . no : you shall begin with , How does my sweet Ladie ; or , Why are you so melancholly Madame ? though she be very merrie , it 's all one : be sure to kisse your hand often enough ; pray for her health , and tell her , how more than most faire she is : Screw your face at' ' one side thus , & Protest ; let her fleere and looke a skaunce , and hide her Teeth with her Fanne , when shee laughes a fitte , to bring her into more matter ; that 's nothing : you must talke forward ( though it be without sense , so it be without blushing ) 't is most Courtlike and well .

Sog.

But shall I not vse Tabacco at all ?

Mac.

O , by no meanes , 't will but make your breath suspected ; and that you vse it onely to confound the rankenesse of that .

Sog.

Nay , I 'le be aduis'd sir by my friends .

Maci.

Gods my life , see where sir Puntars Dogge is .

Groome .

I would the Gentleman would returne for his follower here , I 'le leaue him to his fortunes else .

Maci.

S'heart , 't were the onely true jest in the world to poison him now : ha ? by Gods will I 'le doe it , if I could but get him of the fellow . Signior Sogliardo , walke aside , and thinke vpon some deuise to entertaine the Ladie with .

Sog.

So I doe sir .

Sog. walkes off , meditating . Mac.

How now mine honest friend ? whose Dog-keeper art thou ?

Groome .

Dog-keeper sir ? I hope I scorne that yfaith .

Mac.

VVhy ? do'st thou not keepe a Dogge ?

Groome .

Sir , now I doe , and now I doe not : I thinke this be Sweet and Short : make me his Dog-keeper ?

Throwes off the Dogge , & Exit . Maci.

This is excellent aboue expectation : nay stay sir , you 'ld be trauailing ; but I 'le giue you a Dramme shall shorten your voyage : here : so sir , I 'le be bold to take my leaue of you : now to the Turkes Court in the Deuils name , for you shal neuer go on Gods name . [ Kicks him out . ] Sogliardo , come .

Sog.

I ha' 't yfaith now , will sting it .

Maci.

Take heed you leese it not Signior , ere you come there : preserue it .

Exeunt . GREX . Cor.

How like you this first exploit of his ?

Mit.

O , a piece of true Enuie , but I expect the issue of the other deuise .

Cor.

Here they come , will make it appeare .

SCENA SECUNDA . Enter Puntarvolo , Sauiolina , Fastidius Briske , Fungoso . Saui.

VVhy I thought Sir Puntarvolo , you had been gone your Voyage ?

Punt.

Deare , and most Amiable Ladie , your Diuine Beauties doe bind me to those Offices , that I cannot depart when I would .

Saui.

'T is most Courtlike spoken sir ; but how might we doe to haue a sight of your Dog and Cat ?

Fast.

His Dogge 's in the Court , Ladie .

Saui.

And not your Cat ? how dare you trust her behind you Sir ?

Punt.

Troth Madame shee hath sore eyes , and shee doth keepe her Chamber : marry I haue left her vnder sufficient guard : there are two of my Hinds to attend her .

Saui.

I le giue you some VVater for her eyes : when do you goe sir ?

Punt.

Certes sweet Ladie , I know not .

Fast.

He doth stay the rather Madame , to present your Acute judgement with so Courtly , and well-Parted a Gentleman , as yet your Ladiship hath neuer seene .

Saui.

VVhat 's hee , gentle Monsieur Briske ? not that Gentleman ?

Fast.

No Lady , this is a Kinsman of Iustice Silence .

Punt.

Pray' sir , giue me leaue to report him : hee 's a Gentleman ( Ladie ) of that rare and admirable facultie , as ( I protest ) I know not his like in Europe : he is exceedingly Valiant , an excellent Scholler , and so exactly trauail'd , that hee is able in discourse , to deliuer you a Modell of any Princes Court in the world : 'speakes the Languages with that puritie of Phrase , and facilitie of Accent , that it breeds astonishment : his VVit , the most Exuberant , and ( aboue wonder ) pleasant , of all that euer entred the concaue of this care .

Fast.

'T is most true Ladie ; mary he is no such excellent proper man .

Punt.

His Trauailes haue chang'd his complexion , Madam .

Saui.

O Sir Puntarvolo , you must thinke euery man was not borne to haue my Seruant Briskes feature .

Punt.

But that which transcends all , Ladie ; he doth so Peerlessely imitate any manner of person for Gesture , Action , Passion , or what euer �

Fast.

I , especially a Rusticke or a Clowne Madam , that it is not possible for the sharpest-sighted wit ( in the world ) to discerne any sparkes of the Gentleman in him , when he does it .

Saui.

O Monsieur Briske , be not so Tyranous to confine all VVits within the compasse of your owne : Not find the sparks of a Gentleman in him , if he be a Gentleman ?

Fun.

No in truth ( sweet Ladie ) I beleeue you cannot .

Saui.

Doe you beleeue so ? Why I can find sparkes of a Gentleman in you Sir .

Punt.

I , he is a Gentleman Madam , and a Reueller .

Fung.

Indeed I thinke I haue seene your Ladiship at our Reuels .

Saui.

Like enough sir : but would I might see this wonder you talke of : may one haue a sight of him for any reasonable summe ?

Punt.

Yes Madam , he will arriue presently .

Saui.

VVhat , and shall we see him Clowne it ?

Fast.

I faith ( sweet Ladie ) that you shall : see here he comes .

Enter Macilente with Sogliardo . Punt.

This is hee ; pray obserue him Ladie .

Saui.

Beshrew me , he Clownes it properly indeed .

Punt.

Nay , marke his Courtship .

Sog.

How does my sweet Ladie ; hote and moist ? Beautifull and lustie ? ha ?

Saui.

Beautifull and it please you sir , but not lustie .

Sog.

O ho Ladie ; it pleases you to say so in truth : and how does my sweet Ladie ; in health ? Bonaroba , quaeso ? que Novelles ? que Novelles ? Sweet creature .

Saui.

O excellent : why Gallants , is this hee cannot be Decipher'd ? they were very bleare-witted yfaith that could not discerne the Gentleman in him .

Punt.

But doe you , in earnest Ladie ?

Saui.

Doe I sir ? why if you had any true Court-judgement in the carriage of his eye , and that inward power that forms his countenance , you might perceiue his counterfaiting as cleere as the noone day : Alas ; Nay if you would haue tried my VVit indeed , you should neuer haue told me hee was a Gentleman , but presented him for a true Clowne indeed ; and then haue seene if I could haue Decipher'd him .

Fast.

'Fore God , her Ladiship sayes true ( Knight : ) but does he not affect the Clowne most naturally , Mistresse ?

Punt.

O , shee cannot but affirme that , out of the Bountie of her Iudgement .

Saui.

Nay out of doubt hee does well , for a Gentleman to imitate ; but I warrant you , he becomes his Naturall carriage of the Gentleman , much better than his Clownerie .

Fast.

'T is straunge in truth , her Ladiship should see so farre into him .

Punt.

I , is 't not .

Saui.

Faith as easily as may bee : not Decipher him , quoth you ?

Fun.

Good sadnesse , I wonder at it .

Mac.

VVhy , has shee Decipher'd him , Gentlemen ?

Punt.

O most miraculously , and beyond Admiration .

Mac.

Is 't possible ?

Fast.

Shee hath giuen most infallible signes of the Gentleman in him , that 's certaine .

Saui.

VVhy Gallants , let me laugh at you a little : was this your deuice , to try my judgement in a Gentleman ?

Maci.

Nay Ladie , doe not scorne vs , though you haue this gift of Perspicacie aboue others : VVhat if he should be no Gentleman now , but a Clowne indeed Ladie ?

Punt.

How thinke you of that ? would not your Ladiship be out of your Humour ?

Fast.

O , but she knowes it is not so .

Saui.

VVhat if he were not a man , yee may as well say ? nay if your VVorships could Gull me so indeed , you were wiser than you are taken for .

Maci.

In good faith Ladie , hee is a verie perfect Clowne , both by Father and Mother : that I 'le assure you .

Saui.

O Sir , you are very pleasurable .

Maci.

Nay , do but looke on his Hand , and that shall resolue you : Looke you Ladie , what a Palme here is .

Sog.

Tut , that was with holding the Plough .

Maci.

The Plough ! did you discerne any such thing in him Madame ?

Fast.

Faith no , she saw the Gentleman as bright as at noon-day shee : she decipher'd him at first .

Maci.

Troth I am sorrie your Ladiships sight should be so suddainly strooke .

Saui.

O , you 're goodly Beagles !

Fast.

VVhat , is shee gone ?

Sog.

Nay stay sweet Ladie ; Que Novelles , Que Novelles .

Saui.

Out , you foole you .

Exit Saui. Fung.

Shee 's out of her Humor yfaith .

Fast.

Nay , let 's follow it while 't is hot Gentlemen .

Punt.

Come , on mine Honour wee 'le make her blush in the Presence : my splene is great with laughter .

Maci.

Your laughter will be a child of a feeble life I beleeue sir . Come Signior , your lookes are too dejected me thinkes : why mixe you not mirth with the rest ?

Fun.

By Gods will this Sute frets me at the Soule . I 'le haue it alter'd to morrow sure .

Exeunt . Enter Shift . Shift .

I am come to the Court to meet with my Countenance Sogliardo : poore men must be glad of such Countenance , when they can get no better . VVel , Need may insult vpon a man , but it shall neuer make him despaire of Consequence : The world will say , 't is base ; tush , base ! 't is base to liue vnder the earth , not base to liue aboue it , by any meanes .

Enter Puntarvolo , Fastidius , Sogliardo , Fungoso , Macilente . Fast.

The poore Lady is most miserably out of her Humour yfaith .

Punt.

There was neuer so wittie a jeast broken at the Tilt , of all the Court wits christen'd .

Maci.

O , this applause taints it fowly .

Sog.

I thinke I did my part in Courting . O Resolution !

Punt.

Aye me , my Dogge .

Maci.

VVhere is hee ?

Fast.

Gods pretious , go seeke for the fellow , good Signior .

Sends away Fungoso . Punt.

Here , here I left him .

Maci.

VVhy none was here when we came in now , but Caualier Shift , enquire of him .

Fast.

Did you see Sir Puntarvolos Dogge here Cavalier , since you came ?

Shift .

His Dog sir ? he may looke his Dog sir ; I see none of his Dog sir .

Maci.

Vpon my life hee hath stol'ne your Dog sir , and been hir'd to it by some that haue ventur'd with you ; you may gesse by his peremptorie answeres .

Pun.

Not vnlike ; for he hath been a notorious theefe by his owne confession . Sirrah , where 's my Dogge ?

Shift .

Charge me with your Dog sir ? I ha' none of your Dog Sir .

Punt.

Villaine , thou lyest .

Shift .

Lie sir ? S'blood y' are but a man sir .

Punt.

Rogue and Thiefe , restore him .

Sog.

Take heed sir Puntarvolo what you doe ; hee 'le beare no coales I can tell you ( of my word . )

Maci.

This is rare .

Sog.

It 's mar'le he stabs you not : by this Light , he hath stab'd fortie for fortie times lesse matter , I can tell you , of my knowledge .

Punt.

I will make thee stoupe , thou Abject .

Sog.

Make him stoupe sir ! Gentlemen pacifie him or hee 'le be kill'd .

Maci.

Is he so tall a man ?

Sog.

Tall a man ? if you loue his life stand betwixt 'hem : make him stoupe !

Punt.

My Dog Villaine , or I will hang thee : thou hast confest robberies , and other Fellonious acts to this Gentleman thy Countenance .

Sog.

I 'le beare no witnesse .

Punt.

And without my Dog I will hang thee , for them .

Shift kneeles . Sog.

VVhat ? kneele to thine enemie ?

Shift .

Pardon me good sir ; God is my Iudge I neuer did Robberie in all my life .

Enter Fungoso . Fung.

O sir Puntarvolo , your Dog lies giuing vp the ghost in the wood-yard .

Maci.

S'blood is he not dead yet ?

Punt.

O , my Dogge borne to disastrous fortune ! pray you conduct me sir .

Exit Punt : with Fung. Sog.

How ? did you neuer doe any robberie in your life ?

Maci.

O this is good : so he swore sir .

Sog.

I , I heard him . And did you sweare true sir ?

Shift .

I ( as God shall haue part of my soule Sir ) I ne're rob'd any man I ; neuer stood by the high way side sir , but only said so , because I would get my self a name & be counted a tall ma� .

Sog.

Now out base Viliaco : Thou my Resolution ? I thy Countenance ? By this light Gentlemen , he hath confest to me the most inexorable companie of Robberies , and damn'd himselfe that he did 'hem ; you neuer heard the like : out skoundrell out , follow me no more I commaund thee : out of my sight , goe , hence , speake not : I will not heare thee ; away Camouccio .

Mac.

O , how I do feed vpon this now , and fat my self ? here were a couple vnexpectedly dishumor'd : well , by this time I hope sir Puntarvolo and his Dog are both out of Humor to trauaile : nay Gentlemen , why do you not seeke out the Knight , and comfort him ? our Supper at the Mitre must of necessitie hold to night , if you loue your Reputations .

Fast.

'Fore God I am so Melancholly for his Dogs disaster , but I 'le goe .

Sog.

Faith and I may goe too , but I know I shall be so Melancholly .

Mac.

Tush , Melancholly ? you must forget that now , and remember you lie at the mercie of a Furie : Carlo will racke your sinews asunder , and raile you to dust if you come not .

Exeu�t . GREX . Mit.

O then their feare of Carlo be like , makes them hold their meeting .

Cor.

I , here he comes : conceiue him but to bee enter'd the Mitre , and 't is enough .

SCENA TERTIA Enter Carlo . Carl.

Holla : where be these Shot-sharkes ?

Enter Drawer . Draw.

By and by : you 're welcome good Master Buffone .

Carl.

VVhere 's George ? call me George hither quickly .

Draw.

VVhat wine please you haue Sir ? I 'le draw you that 's neat Master Buffone .

Carl.

Away Neophite , doe as I bid ; bring my deare George to me : Masse here he comes .

Enter George . Georg.

VVelcome Master Carlo .

Carl.

VVhat 's Supper readie , George ?

Georg.

I sir , almost : will you haue the cloath laid , Master Carlo ?

Carl.

O , what else : are none of the Gallants come yet ?

Georg.

None yet sir .

Carl.

Stay , take me with you George : let me haue a good fat Loyne of Porke laid to the fire presently .

Georg.

It shall sir .

Carl.

And withall , heare you ? draw me the biggest shaft you haue out of the But you wot of : away , you know my meaning George , quicke .

George .

Done sir .

Exit . Carl.

Sbloud , I neuer hungred so much for thing in my life , as I doe to know our Gallants successe at the Court : now is that leane Bald-rib Macilente , that salt Villaine , plotting some mischieuous deuise , and lyes a soaking in their frothy Humors like a dry crust , till he has drunke 'hem all vp : could the Kecks but hold vp 's eyes at other mens happinesse in any reasonable proportion , S'lid the slaue were to be loued next Heauen , aboue Honour , VVealth , rich Fare , Apparell , VVenches , all the delights of the Belly , and the Groine , whateuer .

Enter Geor. Geor.

Here Master Carlo .

Carl.

Is 't right , Boy ?

Geor.

I sir , I assure you 't is right .

Carl.

VVell said my deare George , depart : Come , my small Gymblet , you in the false scabberd , away ; so : Now to you sir Burgomaster , let 's tast of your Bountie .

Puts forth the Drawer and shuts the dore . GREX . Mit.

VVhat , will he deale vpon such quantities of VVine alone .

Cor.

You shall perceiue that sir .

He drinkes . Car.

I marry sir , here 's puritie : O George , I could bite off thy nose for this now : Sweet Rogue , hee has drawne Nectar , the very Soule of the Grape : I 'le wash my temples with some on 't presently , and drinke some halfe a score draughts ; 't will heat the Braine , kindle my Imagination , I shall talke nothing but Crackers and Fire-worke to night . So sir ; Please you to be here sir , and I here : So .

He sets the two cups asunder , and first drinkes with the one , and pledges with the other . GREX . Cord.

This is worth the obseruation , Signior .

Carl. 1 cup.

Now sir , here 's to you ; and I present you with so much of my loue .

2 Cup.

I take it kindly from you Sir . ( Drinks ) And will return you the like proportion : but withall sir , remembring the merrie night we had at the Countesses ; you know where sir .

1 Cup.

By Iesu you doe put me in mind now of a very necessarie office , which I wil propose in your pledge sir : The health of that Honorable Countesse , and the sweet Ladie that sat by her sir .

2 I do vail to it with reuerence . ( Drinks . ) 2. And now Signior , with these Ladies , I 'le be bold to mixe the health of your Diuine Mistresse . 1. Doe you know her sir ? 2 O Lord sir , I , and in the respectfull memorie and mention of her , I could wish this VVine were the most ��� is drugge in the world .

1 Good faith sir , you do honor me ��� exceedingly .

( Drinks ) GREX . Mit.

VVhome should he personate in this , Signior ?

Cor.

Faith I know not sir , obserue , obserue him .

2 If it were the basest filth or mudde that runnes in the channell , I am bound to pledge it by God sir . ( Drinks . ) And now sir , here is againe a replenisht bowle sir , which I will reciprocally returne vpon you to the health of the Count Frugale . 1 The Count Frugales health sir ? I 'le pledge it on my knees by Iesu . 2 VVill you sir ? I le drinke it on my knees then , by the Lord .

( Drinkes . ) GREX . Mit.

VVhy this is strange .

Cor.

Ha' you heard a better drunken Dialogue ?

2 Nay , do me right Sir . 1 So I doe in good faith . 2 Good faith you doe not ; mine was fuller . 1 VVhy by Iesu it was not . 2 By Iesu it was , and you doe lie . 1 Lie sir . 2 I Sir . 1 S'wounds you Rascall . 2 O , come , stabbe if you haue a mind to it . 1 Stabbe ? dost thou thinke I dare not ? [ In his owne person . ] Nay , I beseech you Gentlemen , what meanes this ; nay looke , for shame respect your Reputations .

Ouer-turnes Wine , Pot , Cuppes , and all . Enter Macilente . Mac.

VVhy how now Carlo ; what Humor 's this ?

Carl.

O my good Mischiefe , art thou come ? where are the rest ? where are the rest ?

Mac.

Faith three of our Ordinance are burst .

Carl.

Burst ? how comes that ?

Mac.

Faith ouer-charg'd , ouer-charg'd .

Carl.

But did not the traine hold ?

Mac.

O yes , and the poore Ladie is irrecouerably blown vp .

Carl.

VVhy , but which of the Munition is miscarried ? ha ?

Maci.

Imprimis , Sir Puntarvolo : next , the Countenance , and Resolution .

Carl.

How ? how for thes loue of God ?

Mac.

Troth the Resolution is proou'd Recreant ; the Countenance hath chang'd his Coppie ; and the Passionate Knight , is shedding Funerall teares ouer his departed Dogge .

Carl.

VVhat 's his Dogge dead ?

Mac.

Poison'd 't is thought : mary how , or by whom , that 's left for some Cunning woman heere o' the Banke-side to resolue : For my part , I know nothing , more than that wee are like to haue an exceeding Melancholly Supper of it .

Carl.

S'life , and I had purpos'd to be extraordinarily merry : I had drunke off a good Preparatiue of old Sacke here : but will they come , will they come ?

Mac.

They will assuredly come : marry Carlo ( as thou lou'st me ) runne ouer 'hem all freely to night , and especially the Knight ; spare no Sulphurous jest that may come out of that sweatie Forge of thine , but ply 'hem with all manner of Shot , Minion , Saker , Culverine , or any thing what thou wilt .

Car.

I warrant thee my deare Case of Petrionels , so I stand not in dread of thee , but that thou 'lt second me .

Maci.

VVhy my good Germane Tapster , I will .

Car.

VVhat George . Lomtero , Lomtero , &c.

Daunceth . Georg.

Did you call , Master Carlo ?

Carl.

More Nectar , George : Lomtero , &c.

Geor.

Your meat 's readie sir and your companie were come .

Carl.

Is the Loine a Porke enough ?

Georg.

I Sir , it is enough ?

Maci.

Porke ? S'heart what dost thou with such a greasie Dish ; I thinke thou dost Varnish thy face with the fat on 't , it lookes so like a Glew-pot .

Carl.

True , my Raw-bon'd Rogue : and if thou would'st farce thy leane Ribs wth it too , they would not ( like ragged Lathes ) rub out so many Dublets as they do : but thou know'st not a good Dish , thou . O , it 's the only nourishing meat in the world : No maruaile though that saucie stubborne Generation the Iewes , were forbidden it : for what would they ha' done , well pamper'd with fat Porke , that durst murmure at their maker out of Garlicke and Onions . Sblood fed with it , the ��� strummell patcht , Goggle-ey'd Grumble doryes , would ha' Gigantomachiz'd . VVell said my sweet George , fill , fill .

GREX . Mit.

This sauours too much of Prophanation .

Cor.

O servetur ad imum , qualis ab incepto processerit , & sibo constet . The necessitie of his vaine compels a tolleratio� : for , barre this , and dash him out of Humor before his time .

Carl.

'T is an Axiome in Naturall Philosophie , What comes nearest the Nature of that it feeds , conuerts quicker to nourishment , and doth sooner essentiate . Now nothing in Flesh and Entrailes , assimulates or resembles Man more , than a Hog or Swine .

( Drinkes . ) Mac.

True ; and hee ( to requite their courtesie ) oftentimes d'offeth off his owne Nature , and puts on theirs ; as when hee becomes as churlish as a Hogge , or as drunke as a Sow : but to your conclusion .

( Drinkes . ) Carl.

Marry I say , nothing resembling Man more than a Swine , it followes , nothing can be more nourishing : for indeed ( but that it abhorres from our nice Nature ) if we fed one vpon another , we should shoot vp a great deale faster , & thriue much better : I referre me to your Long-lane Cannibals , or such like : but since 't is so contrarie ; Porke , Porke ; is your only feed .

Maci.

I take it your Deuill be of the same Diet ; hee would ne're ha' desir'd to been incorporated into Swine else . O here comes the Melancholly messe : vpo� 'hem Carlo , charge , charge .

Enter Puntarvolo , Fastidius , Sogliardo , Fungoso . Carl.

'Fore God sir Puntarvolo , I am sorie for your heauinesse ; Bodie a mee , a shrewd mischaunce : why had you no Vnicorne horne , nor Bezars stone about you ? ha ?

Punt.

Sir , I would request you be silent .

Maci.

Nay , to him againe .

Carl.

Take comfort good Knight , if your Cat ha' recouered her Cataract , feare nothing ; your Dogges mischaunce may be holpen .

Fast.

Say how ( sweet Carlo ) for so God mend me , the poore Knights mones draw mee into fellowship of his misfortunes . But be not discouraged good sir Puntarvolo , I am content your aduenture shall be perform'd vpon your Cat .

Maci.

I beleeue you Musk-cod , I beleeue you , for rather than thou would'st make present repaime�t , thou would'st take it vpon his owne bare returne from Callice .

Carl.

Nay Gods life , hee 'ld be content ( so he were well rid out of his companie ) to pay him fiue for one at his next meeting him in Paules . But for your Dogge , sir Puntar , if he be not out-right dead , there is a friend of mine a Quack-saluer , shall put life in him againe , that 's certaine .

Fung.

O no , that comes too late .

Maci.

Gods pretious Knight , will you suffer this ?

Punt.

Drawer ; get me a Candle and hard waxe presently .

Sog.

I , and bring vp Supper ; for I am so Melancholly .

Car.

Ah Signior , where 's your Resolution ?

Sog.

Resolution ! hang him Rascall : O Carlo , if you loue me doe not mention him .

Carl.

VVhy , how so ? how so ?

Sog.

O the arrant'st Crocodile that euer Christian was acquainted with . By Iesu , I shall thinke the worse of Tabacco while I liue for his sake : I did thinke him to be as tall a man �

Maci.

Nay Buffone , the Knight , the Knight .

Car.

Sblood , hee lookes like an Image carued out of Boxe , full of knots : his Face is ( for all the world ) like a Dutch purse with the mouth downward ; his beard 's the Tassels : and hee walkes ( let me see ) as Melancholly as one o' the Masters side in the Counter . Doe you heare sir Puntar ?

Punt.

Sir , I doe entreat you no more , but enjoyne you to silence , as you affect your peace .

Car.

Nay but deare Knight vnderstand ( here are none but friends , & such as wish you well ) I would ha' you do this now ; Fleame your Dog presently ( but in any case keep the head ) & stuffe his skin well with straw , as you see these dead monsters at Bartholmew faire .

Punt.

I shall be suddaine I tell you .

Car.

Or if you like not that sir , get me somewhat a lesse dog and clap into the skin ; here 's a slaue about the towne here , a Iew , one Yohan ; or a fellow that makes Periwigs will glew it on artificially , it shall ne're bee discern'd ; besides , 't will be so much the warmer for the Hound to travell in you know .

Maci.

Sir Puntarvolo , Sdeath can you be so patient ?

Carl.

Or thus Sir : you may haue ( as you come through Germanie ) a Familiar for little or nothing shall turn it selfe into the shape of your Dog , or any thing ( what you will ) for certaine howers : Gods my life knight , what do you meane ? you le offer no violence , will you ? Hold , hold .

Punt.

Sbloud you slaue , you Bandog you .

Carlo .

As you loue God , stay the enraged knight , Gentlemen .

Punt.

By my knighthood , hee that stirres in his rescue , dies . Drawer be gone .

Carl.

Murder , murder , murder .

Punt.

I , are you houling , you VVolfe ? Gentlemen , as you tender your liues , suffer no man to enter , till my reuenge bee perfect . Sirha Buffone , lie downe ; make no exclamations , but downe ; downe you Curre , or I will make thy blood flow on my Rapier hilts :

Carl.

Sweet knight hold in thy furie , and 'fore God I 'le honour thee more than the Turke do's Mahomet .

Pun.

Downe ( I say . ) VVhos 's there ?

Const.

Here 's the Constable , open the dores .

Within . Carl.

Good Macilente .

Punt.

Open no dore , if the Adalantado of Spaine were here , he should not enter : On , helpe me with the light , Gentlemen : you knocke in vaine sir officer .

Carl.

Et tu Brute .

Punt.

Sirha close your lips , or I will drop it in thine eyes by heauen .

Carl.

O , O.

They seale vp his lips . Const.

Open the dore , or I will breake it open .

Maci.

Nay good Constable haue patience a little , you shall come in presently , we haue almost done .

Punt.

So ; now , are you out of your humor sir . Shift Gentlemen .

They all draw & Exeunt . Enter Constable with Officers , and stay Briske . Const.

Lay hold vpon this gallant , and pursue the rest .

Fast.

Lay hold on me sir ! for what ?

Const.

Mary for your riot here sir , with the rest of your companions .

Fast.

My riot ! God's my judge , take heed what you doe ; Carlo did I offer any violence ?

Const.

O sir , you see he is not in case to answere you , & that makes you so paramptorie .

Fast.

Peremptorie , Shife I appeale to the Drawers , if I did him any hard measure .

Enter George . Georg.

They are all gone , there 's none of them will bee laid any hold on .

Const.

VVell sir , you are like to answere till the rest can bee found out .

Fast.

Sbloud I appeale to George here .

Const.

Tut George was not here : away with him to the Counter sirs . Come sir you were best get your selfe drest somewhere .

Exeunt . Manent two Drawers . Geor.

Good Lord that maister Carlo could not take heed , and knowing what a Gentleman the knight is if he be angrie .

Drawer .

A poxe on 'hem , they haue left all the meat on our hands , would they were choakt with it for me .

Enter Macilente . Mac.

VVhat are they gone sirs .

Georg.

O here 's maister Macilente .

Mac.

Sirha George do' you see that concealement there ? that Napkin vnder the Table ?

Geor.

Gods so ' , Signior Fungoso !

Maci.

Hee 's a good pawne for the reckoning ; be sure you keepe him here , and let him not goe away till I come againe , though he offer to discharge all ; I 'le returne presently .

Geor.

Sirrah , we haue a pawne for the Reckoning .

Draw.

VVhat ? of Macilente ?

Geor.

No ; looke vnder the Table .

Fung.

I hope all be quiet now ; if I can get but forth of this street , I care not . Masters , I pray you tell me , is the Constable gone ?

Lookes out vnder the Table . Georg.

VVhat ? Master Fungoso ?

Fun.

VVas 't not a good deuise the same of me Sirs ?

Geor.

Yes faith ; ha' you been here all this while ?

Fun.

O God I : good sirs looke and the coast be cleere , I 'ld faine be going .

Geor.

All 's cleere Sir , but the Reckoning ; and that you must cleare and pay before you goe , I assure you .

Fung.

I pay ? S'light , I eate not a bit since I came into the house yet .

Draw.

VVhy you may when you please sir , 't is all ready below that was bespoken .

Fung.

Bespoken ? not by me , I hope ?

Geor.

By you Sir ? I know not that : but 't was for you and your companie , I am sure .

Fun.

My companie ? S'lid I was an inuited guest , so I was .

Draw.

Faith we haue nothing to doe with that Sir , they 're all gone but you , and we must be answer'd ; that 's the short and the long on 't .

Fung.

Nay , if you will grow to extremities , my Masters , then would this Pot , Cup , and all were in my belly , if I haue a crosse about me .

Geor.

VVhat , and haue such Apparell ? Doe not say so , Signior , that mightily discredits your clothes .

Fung.

By Iesu the Taylour had all my money this morning , and yet I must be faine to alter my Sute too : good sirs , let me goe , 't is Friday night ; and in good truth I haue no stomack in the world to eat any thing .

Draw.

That 's no matter so you pay sir .

Fung.

Pay ? Gods light , with what conscience can you aske me to pay that I neuer dranke for ?

Geor.

Yes sir , I did see you drinke once .

Fung.

By this Cup ( which is siluer ) but you did not , you doe mee infinite wrong , I look't in the pot once indeed , but I did not drinke .

Draw.

VVell sir , if you can satisfie my Maister , it shall be all one to vs . By and by .

One cals George within . Exeunt . GREX . Cord.

Loose not your selfe now Signior .

Enter Macilente and Deliro . Maci.

Tut sir , you did beare too hard a conceit of me in that , but I will now make my loue to you most transparent , in spight of any dust of suspition , that may bee raised to dimme it : and henceforth since I see it is so against your Humor , I will neuer labour to persuade you .

Deli.

VVhy I thanke you Signior , but what 's that you tell me may concerne my peace so much ?

Mac.

Faith sir 't is thus . Your wiues brother Signior Fungoso , being at supper to night at a Tauerne with a sort of Gallants : there happened some diuision amongst 'hem , and he is left in pawne for the Reckoning : now if euer you looke that time shall present you with a happie occasion to doe your wife some gracious and acceptable seruice , take hold of this Opportunitie , and presently go and redeeme him ; for being her brother , and his credite so amply engaged as now it is , when shee shall heare ( as he cannot himselfe , but hee must out of extremitie report it ) that you came and offered your selfe so kindly , and with that respect of his Reputation , Slud the benefit cannot but make hir doat , and grow mad of your affections .

Deli.

Now by heauen Macilente , I acknowledge my selfe exceedingly indebted to you , by this kind tender of your loue ; and I am sorry to remember that I was euer so rude to neglect a friend of your worth , bring me shoes and a cloke there , I was going to bed if you had not come , what Tauerne is it ?

Maci.

The Miter sir .

Deli.

O ; why Fido , my shoes . Good faith it cannot but please her exceedingly .

Enter Fallace . Fall.

Come , I mar'le what peece of nightworke you haue in hand now , that you call for your cloke and your shoes : what , is this your Pandor ?

Deli.

O sweet wife speak lower , I would not he should heare thee for a world �

Fall.

Hang him rascall , I cannot abide him for his trecherie , with his wild quicke-set beard there . VVhether goe you now with him ?

Deli.

No whether with him deare wife , I goe alone to a place , from whence I will returne instantly . Good Macilente acquaint not her with it by any meanes , it may come so much the more accepted , frame some other answere , I 'le come backe immediately .

Exit Deliro . Fall.

Nay , and I be not worthy to know whether you go , stay till I take knowledge of your comming backe .

Mac.

Heare you mistres Deliro .

Fall.

So Sir , and what say you ?

Mac.

Faith Ladie , my intents will not deserue this slight respect , when you shall know 'hem .

Fall.

Your intents ? why , what may your intents be for Gods sake ?

Mac.

Troth the time allows no circumstance Ladie , therfore know , this was but a deuise to remoue your Husband hence , & bestow him securely , whilest ( with more conueniencie ) I might report to you a misfortune that hath happened to Mounsieur Briske ; nay comfort sweet Ladie . This night ( being at supper ) a sort of young Gallants committed a Riot , for the which hee ( onely ) is apprehended and caried to the Counter , where if your Husband and other Creditors should but haue knowledge of him , the poore Gentleman were vndone for euer .

Fall.

Aye me , that he were .

Maci.

Now therefore , if you can thinke vpon any present meanes for his deliuerie , doe not forslow it . A bribe to the officer that committed him , will doe it .

Fall.

O God Sir , he shall not want for a bribe : pray you , will you commend me to him , and say I 'le visit him presently .

Mac.

No Ladie , I shall do you better seruice in protracting your husbands returne , that you may goe with more safetie ?

Exit . Fall.

Good truth so you may ; farewell good Sir . Lord how a woman may be mistaken in a man ? I would haue sworne vpon all the Testaments in the world he had not lou'd maister Briske . Bring me my keyes there maid : Alasse good Gentleman , if all I haue i' this earthly world will pleasure him , it shall bee at his seruice .

Exit . GREX . Mitis .

How Macilente sweats i' this businesse , if you marke him ?

Cord.

I , you shall see the true picture of Spight anone , here comes the Pawne and his Redeemer .

Enter Deliro , Fungoso , Drawer following them . Deli.

Come Brother , be not discourag'd for this man , what ?

Drawer .

No truly , I am not discourag'd , but I protest to you Brother I haue done imitating any more Gallants either in purse or apparrell , but as shall become a Gentleman for good carriage or so .

Deli.

You say well . This is all i' the bill here ? is 't not ?

Georg.

I Sir .

Deli.

There 's your money , tell it : and Brother , I am glad I met with so good occasion to shew my loue to you .

Fung.

I will studie to deserue it in good truth , and I liue .

Deli.

VVhat is 't right ?

Geor.

I Sir , and I thanke you .

Fung.

Let me haue a Capons legge sau'd , now the reckoning is paid .

Geor.

You shall Sir :

Exit . Enter Macilente . Mac.

VVhere 's Signior Deliro ?

Deli.

Here Macilente .

Maci.

Harke you sir , ha' you dispatcht this same ?

Deli.

I marry haue I .

Maci.

VVell then , I can tell you newes , Briske is i' the Counter .

Deli.

I' the Counter ?

Mac.

'T is true Sir , committed for the stirre here to night . Now would I haue you send your brother home afore , with the report of this your kindnesse done him to his sister , which will so pleasingly possesse her , and out of his mouth too , that i' the meane time you may clap your Action on Briske , and your wife ( being in so happie a mood ) cannot entertaine it ill by any meanes .

Deli.

'T is very true , she cannot indeed , I thinke .

Mac.

Thinke ? why 'ts past thought , you shall neuer meet the like opportunitie , I assure you .

Deli.

I will doe it . Brother pray you go home afore , this Gent. and I haue some priuate businesse ; and tell my sweet wife , I 'le come presently .

Fung.

I will Brother .

Maci.

And Signior , acquaint your sister , how liberally and out of his bountie , you brother has vs'd you . ( Doe you see ? ) made you a man of good Reckoning ; redeem'd that you neuer were possest of , Credite ; gaue you as Gentlemanlike terms as might be ; found no fault with your comming behind the fashion ; nor nothing .

Fung.

Nay I am out of those Humors now .

Maci.

VVell , if you be out , keepe your distance , and be not made a Shot-clog no more . Come Signior , let 's make hast .

Exeunt . Enter Briske and Fallace . Fallace .

O maister Fastidius , what pittie is 't to see so sweet a man as you are , in so soure a place ?

and kisses him . GREX . Cord.

As vpon her lips do's she meane ?

Mit.

O , this is to be imagin'd the Counter belike ?

Fast.

Troth faire Ladie , 't is first the pleasure of the Fates , and next of the Constable to haue it so , but , I am patient , and indeed comforted the more in your kind visitation .

Fall.

Nay , you shall bee comforted in me more than this , if you please Sir . I sent you word by my Brother Sir , that my husband laid to rest you this morning , I know not whether you receiu'd it , or no ?

Fast.

No beleeue it , sweet Creature , your Brother gaue mee no such intelligence .

Fall.

O the Lord !

Fast.

But has your husband any such purpose ?

Fall.

O God Maister Briske , yes : and therefore bee presently discharg'd ; for if he come with his Actions vpon you ( Lord deliuer you ) you are in for one halfe a score yeare ; he kept a poor man in Ludgate once , twelue year for sixteene shillings . VVhere 's your keeper , for Gods loue call him , let him take a bribe , and dispatch you , Lord how my heart trembles ! here are no spies ? are there ?

Fast.

No sweet mistresse , why are you in this passion ?

Fall.

O Christ Maister Fastidius , if you knew how I tooke vp my husband to day , when he said he would arrest you ; and how I rail'd at him that persuaded him to 't , the Scholler there , ( who on my conscience loues you now ) & what care I tooke to send you intelligence by my Brother ; and how I gaue him foure Soueraignes for his paines ; and now , how I came running out hether without man or boy with mee , so soone as I heard on 't ; you 'ld say , I were in a Passion indeed : your keeper for Gods sake . O Maister Briske ( as 't is in Euphues ) Hard is the choise , when one is compelled either by silence to die with greefe , or by speaking to liue with shame .

Fast.

Faire Ladie I conceiue you , and may this kisse assure you , that where Aduersitie hath ( as it were ) contracted , Prosperitie shall not � Gods light your Husband .

Fall.

O mee !

Enter Deliro , Macilente . Deli.

I ? is 't thus !

Maci.

VVhy how now Signior Deliro ? has the VVolfe seene you ? ha ? hath Gorgons head made marble on you ?

Deli. Some Planet strike me dead . Maci.

VVhy looke you Sir , I told you , you might haue suspected this long afore , had you pleas'd ; and ha' sau'd this labor of Admiration now , and Passion , and such extremities as this fraile lumpe of Flesh is subiect vnto . Nay , why doe you not dote now Signior ? Me thinks you should say it were some Enchantment , Deceptio visus , or so , ha ? if you could persuade your selfe it were a dreame now , 't were excellent : faith trie what you can doe Signior ; it may bee your Imagination will bee brought to it in time , there 's nothing impossible .

Fall.

Sweet Husband ?

Deli.

Out lasciuious Strumpet .

Exit Deliro . Maci.

VVhat ? did you see how ill that stale vain became him afore , of Sweet VVife , and Deare heart ? and are you falne just into the same now ? with Sweet Husband . Away , follow him , goe , keepe state , what ? Remember you are a woman : turn impudent : gi' him not the head , though you gi' him the horns , Away . Exit Fallace . And yet mee thinkes you should take your leaue of Infans-perdus here , your forlorn hope . How now Mounsieur Brisk : what ? Friday at night ? and in affliction too ? and yet your Pulpamenta ? your delicate Morsels : I perceiue the affection of Ladies and Gentlewomen , pursues you wheresoeuer you goe Mounsieur .

Fast.

Now in good faith ( and as I am Gentle ) there could not haue come a thing i' this world to haue distracted mee more than the wrinckled fortunes of this poore Dame .

Maci.

O yes Sir : I can tell you a thing will distract you much better , beleeue it . Signior Deliro has entred three Actions against you , three Actions Mounsieur : mary one of them ( I 'le put you in comfort ) is but three thousand mark , and the other two some fiue thousand pound together , trifles , trifles .

Fast.

O God , I am vndone .

Maci.

Nay not altogether so Sir , the Knight must haue his hundred pound repai'd , that 'll helpe too , and then sixescore pound for a Diamond : you know where ? these be things will weigh Mounsieur ; they will weigh .

Fast.

O Iesu !

Maci.

VVhat doe you sigh ? this it is to kisse the hand of a Countesse , to haue hir Coach sent for you , to hang Poinards in Ladies garters , to weare Bracelets of their haire , and for euery one of these great fauours to giue some slight Iewell of fiue hundred crownes , or so , why 't is nothing . Now Mounsieur , you see the plague that treads o' the heeles of your fopperie , well , goe your waies in ; Remoue your selfe to the two-penny ward quickly to saue charges , and there set vp your rest to spend Sir Puntars hundred pound for him . Away good Pomander , goe .

Exit Briske . VVhy here 's a change : Now is my soule at peace , I am as emptie of all Envie now , As they of Merit to be envied at , My Humor ( like a flame ) no longer lasts Than it hath stuffe to feed it , and their vertue , Being now rak't vp in embers of their Follie , Affords no ampler Subject to my Spirit ; I am so farre from malicing their states , That I begin to pittie 'hem : it greeues me To thinke they haue a being ; I could wish They might turne wise vpon it , and be sau'd now , So Heauen were pleas'd : but let them vanish Vapors . And now with Aspers tongue ( though not his shape ) Kind Patrons of our sports ( you that can judge , And with discerning thoughts measure the pace Of our strange Muse in this her Maze of Humor , You , whose true Notions doe confine the former And nature of sweet Poesie ) to you I tender solemne and most duteous thankes , For your stretcht patience and attentiue grace . VVe know ( and we are pleas'd to know so much ) The Cates that you haue tasted were not season'd For euery vulgar Pallat , but prepar'd To banket pure and apprehensiue eares : Let then their Voices speake for our desert ; Be their Applause the Trumpet to proclaime Defiance to rebelling Ignorance , And the greene spirits of some tainted Few , That ( spight of pitie ) betray themselues To Scorne and Laughter ; and like guiltie Children , Publish their infancie before their time , By their owne fond exception : Such as these VVe pawne 'hem to your censure , till Time , VVit , Or Obseruation , set some stronger seale Of iudgement on their indgements ; and intreat The happier spirits in this faire-fild Globe , ( So many as haue sweet minds in their breasts , And are too wife to thinke themselues are taxt In any generall Figure , or too vertuous To need that wisdomes imputation : ) That with their bounteous Hands they would confirme This , as their pleasures Pattent : which so sign'd , Our leane and spent Endeuours shall renue Their Beauties with the Spring to smile on you . FINIS .

IT had another Catastrophe or Conclusion , at the first Playing : which ( {non-Roman} {non-Roman} {non-Roman} ) many seem'd not to rellish it ; and therefore 't was since alter'd : yet that a right-ei'd and solide Reader may perceiue it was not so great a part of the Heauen awry , as they would make it ; we request him but to looke downe vpon these following Reasons .

1 There hath been President of the like Presentation in diuers Playes : and is yeerely in our Cittie Pageants or shewes of Triumph .

2 It is to be conceiu'd , that Macilente being so strongly possest with Enuie , ( as the Poet heere makes him ) it must bee no sleight or common Object , that should effect so suddaine and straunge a cure vpon him , as the putting him cleane Out of his Humor .

3 If his Imagination had discours't the whole world ouer for an Object , it could not haue met with a more Proper , Emiment , or worthie Figure , than that of her Maiesties : which his Election ( though boldly , yet respectively ) vs'd to a Morall and Mysterious end .

4 His greedinesse to catch at any Occasion , that might expresse his affection to his Soueraigne , may worthily plead for him .

5 There was nothing ( in his examin'd Opinion ) that could more neare or truly exemplifie the power and strength of her Inualuable Vertues , than the working of so perfect a Miracle on so oppos'd a Spirit , who not only persisted in his Humor , but was now come to the Court with a purpos'd resolution ( his Soule as it were new drest in Enuie ) to maligne at any thing that should front him ; when sodainly ( against expectation , and all steele of his Malice ) the verie wonder of her Presence strikes him to the earth dumbe , and astonisht . From whence rising and recouering heart , his Passion thus vtters it selfe .

Maci. Blessed , Diuine , Vnblemisht , Sacred , Pure , Glorious , Immortall , and indeed Immense ; O that I had a world of Attributes , To lend or adde to this high Maiestie : Neuer till now did Obiect greet mine eyes VVith any light Content : but in her Graces All my malitious Powers haue lost their stings : Enuie is fled my Soule at sight of her , And shee hath chac'd all blacke thoughts from my bosome , Like as the Sunne doth darkenesse from the world . My streame of Humor is runne out of me : And as our Citties Torrent ( bent t' infect The hallow'd bowels of the siluer Thames ) Is checkt by strength and clearenesse of the Riuer , Till it hath spent it selfe e'ene at the shore ; So in the ample and vnmeasur'd Flood Of her Perfections , are my Passions drown'd : And I haue now a Spirit as sweet and cleere , As the most rarefi'd and subtile Aire ; VVith which , and with a heart as pure as Fire , ( Yet humble as the Earth ) doe I implore , He Kneeles . O Heauen : that Shee ( whose Figure hath effected This change in me ) may neuer suffer Change In her Admir'd and happie Gouernment : May still this Iland be call'd Fortunate , And Rugged Treason tremble at the sound VVhen Fame shall speake it with an Emphasis . Let forraine Pollicie be dull as Lead , And pale Inuasion come with halfe a heart VVhen he but lookes vpon her blessed Soile : The Throat of Warre be stopt within her Land , And Turtle-footed Peace daunce fairie Rings About her Court ; where neuer may there come Suspect or Daunger , but all Trust and Safetie : Let Flatterie be dumbe , and Enuie blind In her dread Presence : Death himselfe admire her : And may her Vertues make him to forget The vse of his ineuitable hand . Fly from her Age ; Sleepe Time before her Throne , Our strongest wall falls downe when shee is gone . Here the Trumpets sound a florish , in which time Macilente conuerts himselfe to them that supply the place of GREX , and speakes . GREX . Maci.

How now Sirs ? how like you it ? has 't not bentedious ?

Cor.

Nay , we ha' done censuring , now .

Mit.

Yes faith .

Maci.

How so ?

Cor.

Mary because wee 'le imitate your Actors , and be out of our Humors . Besides , here are those ( round about you ) of more abilitie in Censure than wee , whose Iudgements can giue it a more satisfying Allowance : wee 'le refer you to them .

Mac.

I ? is 't e'en so ? VVel , Gentleme� , I should haue gone in , and return'd to you as I was Asper at the first : but ( by reason the Shift would haue been somewhat long , and we are loth to draw your Patience any farder ) wee 'le intreat you to imagine it . And now ( that you may see I will be out of Humor for companie ) I stand wholly to your kind Approbation , and ( indeed ) am nothing so peremptorie as I was in the beginning : Mary I will not doe as Plautus in his Amphitryo for all this ( Summi Iouis causa , Plaudite : ) begge a Plaudite for Gods sake ; but if you ( out of the Bountie of your good liking ) will bestow it ; why , you may ( in time ) make leane Macilente as fat as Sir Iohn Fallstaffe .

Exeunt . Non ego ventosoe plebis suffragia venor .
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�apable worlds account , which he thinkes his merit capable of ) fals into such an envious Apoplexie discou�se Posset . His Religion is railing , and his discourse Ribaldrie . They stand highest in his respect hau� of the name of a Gentleman , that he will haue it though be buyes it . Hee comes vp euery bee that admirable and happie Memorie , that hee will salute one for an old acquaintance Vnl�sse Vnlesse your breath had power To melt the world Po�ticus VVhy this is right Furor Poeticus : Kind gentlemen , we hope your patience they ' le wrong their patience ; If I dwell here , they'le not begin , I see : Friends sit you still C�rb�rus vilanously when he has done , like a one-headed Cerberus ( he do' not heare me I hope ) and then adult ' rate turn'd into all manner of varietie , by his adult'rate simile's . Viriest Viri est , fortunae caecitatem facile ferre : trans�ixt Nature . Oh , they are thoughts that haue transfixt my heart , And often ( i' the strength of �ittie not need to doe so , I haue kinred i'the cittie to talke of : I haue a neece is a merchants newy more acceptedly , than if you gaue 'hem a new yeares gift . eares acceptedly , than if you gaue 'hem a new yeares gift . Mercu�ies negligently scattered , and I would ha'those Mercuries follow me ( I trow ) should remember they we�ts The Lord of the soile ha's all wefts and straies here ? ha's he not ? Punta�volo gentleman Sogliardo and I are to visit the knight Puntarvolo , and from thence to the Citie , we shall di�ination true ? doth not his passion speake Out of my diuination ? O my sences , VVhy loose you not your look� spirit , " Wealth in this age will scarcely looke on merit . appl��d me , whilst I at home Can be contented to applaud my selfe , To sit and clap my hands , and alien� for the true condition of envie , is Dolor alienae felicitatis , to haue our eies continually Ent�r Enter Carlo Buffone , Sogliardo , Fastidius Briske tomb� be an excellent Trophee to hang ouer your tombe . Min�rua His hounds ! by Minerua an excellent Figure ; a good boy . strang�r will court his owne Ladie , as shee were a stranger neuer encounter'd before , �rrare Pardon me : Humanum est errare . appea�� Sphere , A brighter starre than Venus doth appeare . �n an Extasie , an Extasie , man . l�w debonaire , and Luculent Ladie , I decline me as low as the Basis of your Altitude . ��arse I haue scarse collected my spirits , but lately scatter'd s�ooth ) I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure passage . I am a poore Knight-errant Knight�rrant smooth and secure passage . I am a poore Knight-errant ( Ladie ) that hunting in the adjacent Forrest wear�ed euening approching ( my selfe and seruant wearied ) my suit is , to enter your faire Castle refr�sh suit is , to enter your faire Castle , and refresh me . spe�king VVhat ? with speaking a speech of your own penning ? pr�y Nay looke ; pray thee peace . peac� Nay looke ; pray thee peace . �opperie Pox on't : I am impatient of such fopperie . Lan��lot tedious Chapter of Courtship , after sir Lancelot , and Queene Guevener ? away : I mar'le �his I mar'le in what dull cold nooke he found this Ladie out ? that ( being a woman ) she was di�ing the finenesse and delicacie of their Diet , diuing into the fat Capons , drinking your rich refi�'d good vnctuous meats ) how their wits are refin'd and rarefi'd : & sometimes a very Quintessence rare�i'd vnctuous meats ) how their wits are refin'd and rarefi'd : & sometimes a very Quintessence of conceit ��ows sometimes a very Quintessence of conceit flows from 'hem , able to drowne a weake Apprehension Nim�adoro Peace you Bandogge peace : what briske Nimfadoro is that in the white virgin boot there ? Fastid��� with more than ordinarie respect : Monsieur Fastidius . S�te 'Fore God it's an excellent Sute , and as neatly becomes him . VVhat said O� pleas'd with a fashion daies of my life ; O ( and I might haue but my wish ) I'ld aske �nd pleas'd with a fashion daies of my life ; O ( and I might haue but my wish ) I'ld aske no S�dido entertaine time withall . Nay , go not neighbour Sordido ; stay to night , and help to make our societie D�liros Is Signior Deliros wife your kinswoman ? moou� cates , and euerie sort of good intreatie May mooue you stay with me . �all'd a foole . I see no reason why that Dog ( call'd Chaunce ) Should fawne vpon this fellow kindness� is not , But cannot possibly be worth her kindnesse . Nay that is certaine , let me doe her e'ennow , not you : I did but cast an amorous eye e'en now Vpon a paire of Gloues that somwhat likt Puntar�olo's Yesterday , I came acquainted with him at Sir Puntarvolo's : nay sweet Sister . do ' st Saue you Signior Deliro : how do'st thou sweet Ladie ? Let me kisse thee . designem���� 'Tis no matter , I haue no other designement in hand , and therefore as good goe along ����lente am out with him once , and � Come Signior Macilente , I must co�ferre with you as wee goe . a��foolish A Countesse giue him her hand to kisse ! ah foolish Countesse ; he e's a man worthie Hu�orous 'hem take , he may hul vp and down i'the Humorous world a litle longer : �ortune VVhat ? Signior Whiffe ? what fortune has brought you into these VVest parts ? �it I'le go look among yond' Bills , and I can fit him with Legs to his Armes . D�liro Signior Macilente : if this Gentleman , Signior Deliro , furnish you ( as he saies he will ) with ��ban also the rare Corollarie and practise of the Cuban Ebolition , EVRIPVS , and Whiffe ; which �ee Ebolition , EVRIPVS , and Whiffe ; which wee shall receiue or take in here at London Ordinari� of his hand ) to specifie the place , or Ordinarie where he vses to eat and Lie , and most �at the place , or Ordinarie where he vses to eat and Lie , and most sweete attendance with H�autontimorumenos his Hypercritiques , hee reports him to be Heautontimoroumenos : you vnderstand the Greeke sir ? Ingenuiti� Now Sir , VVhereas the Ingenuitie of the time , and the soules Synderisis contemplatine being Opticke , and not Mentall , but by the contemplatiue and Theoricke part there of , doth demonstrate enam�lling know , or indeed for the more modellizing or enamelling , or rather diamondizing of your subiect �ell A very faire Coat , well charg'd and full of Armorie . �ables on a cheefe ARGENT between two ANN'LETS , sables a Bores head PROPER PROPE�� between two ANN'LETS , sables a Bores head PROPER Fast�mixes Here they Shift , Fast mixes with Punt. Carl. and Sogli . Deliro S�gliardo Exit Car. Sogliardo mixes with Punt. and Fast. censor�ous pursue my Humor stil in co�tempt of this censorious age : S'light & a man should do nothing fusti� mine own appetite , I am carelesse what the fustie VVorld speakes of me , puh : you ' le I'le doe my best sir : you'le put it off presently : � it , for the loue of Christ , for I'le sit i' my old sute , or else lie a bed and read in s�elix view these monstrous prodigies : Nil habet infelix Paupertas durius in se , Quam quod Ridiculos Paupert as these monstrous prodigies : Nil habet infelix Paupertas durius in se , Quam quod Ridiculos homines inse prodigies : Nil habet infelix Paupertas durius in se , Quam quod Ridiculos homines facit . �omines Paupertas durius in se , Quam quod Ridiculos homines facit . Deliro� Exit , with Deliro. . �ell VVill you sell your Rapier ? Sbl��d Sbloud he is turn'd wild vpon the question , hee �aue bee not mou'd : I protest I would rather haue been silent than any way offensiue , had diuor�'t Sell my Rapier ? no my Deare , I will not be diuorc't from thee yet , I haue euer found thee true adiew� precious , what mischieuous lucke is this : adiew Gentleme� . ? VVhither Monsieur in such hast , Monsie ur Fastidius ? siue No difference : hee would ha' giu'n me fiue pound for my Rapier , and I refus'd it ; yo� most desirous to become your Pupil ; mary you must vse expedition : Signior Insulso Sogliardo e�ume whiffes as I list , and he shall retaine or efume them at my pleasure . whereshall not know the Humor of the dog as wee do : where shall we dine Carlo ? I would faine goe they ' le two or three faces , and 'tis excellent , they'le thinke you haue trauail'd : though you argue Port�ullice well , for I had not so much as the least Portcullice of come before . vostr� men , and haue not a Legion of Deuils , a vostre seruice : a vostre seruice ? By heauen I ��umbly not doubting of your fatherly Beneuolence ) humbly ask you blessing , and pray God to blesse shalsterue it and preserue it , my Sonne and Daughter shal sterue ere they touch it , I haue hid it �ight , I haue hid it as deepe as Hell from the sight of Heauen , and to it I go now . Bles�e turne to better , and more fruitfull vses . Blesse then this man , curse him no more for sauing Come die the object was more than the nature of a Comedie will in any sort allow . leftmee Sir , I haue this ( your only ) euasion left mee , to say , ??? thinke it bee so indeed Ingenuiti� done most notably , if he had said Wit for Ingenuitie , as he meant it . Harmoni� It makes good Harmonie with her wit . ing�nuitie Her ingenuitie is excellent sir . Ex�unt Exeunt . �bbes Gallants Humor is almost spent mee thinkes , it ebbes apace , with this contrarie breath of his sine about him still ? Oh sweet Fastidius , O fine Courtier ! wilfal The house wil fal , the ground wil open , and swallow Fallacerunning Enter Fallace running , at another dore , and claps it too . mec heare me sweet wife , vnlesse thou wilt haue mee goe , I will not goe . h�ue I , hee : they haue hir'd a chamber and all priuat to practise them�elues their guilt Spurres quite breathlesse from themselues . 'Tis now esteem'd Precisianisme in wit Simil�'s Come , you'le neuer leaue your stabbing Simile's : I shall ha' you aiming at me with 'hem Fai�h Faith sir , the same that sundred Agamemnon and �igne out and breath'd : Now ( vpon the second signe of his assault ) I betooke mee to the former d�epe another ) and strikes me some halfe inch deepe into the side of the Calfe ; He ( seeing faucily discharges his followers too thicke , O therin he saucily imitates some Great man . I warrant you lea�e sir Puntaruolo goe to the Court , and take leaue of the Ladies first . Gen�ine , and therefore the more accommodate and Genuine . Now for the life it selfe � Imagin�tion , where ( houering in the stre�gth of his Imagination ) he shall behold all the delights of the shee ' ld Mistresse with Tabacco ( this Gentleman knowes ) shee'ld replie vpon him yfaith . Oh ( by this bright Rosa-�olis Some Rosa-solis . oflustre VVhy therein his Art appeares most full of lustre , and approcheth nearest the life , especially wee ' le great chamber . Macilente and Sogliardo , wee'le leaue them on the water till Possibilitie �emp the value of the Gem he holds , and so , to tempt fraile nature against her disposition . Brisk� heark you Gallants , and cheefely Monsieur Brisk, , VVhen wee come in eye-shot or presence �acultie Gentleman ( Ladie ) of that rare and admirable facultie , as ( I protest ) I know not his like in b�e I , here he comes : conceiue him but to bee enter'd the Mitre , and 'tis enough . �e their frothy Humors like a dry crust , till he has drunke 'hem all vp : could the Kecks Ke�ks till he has drunke 'hem all vp : could the Kecks but hold vp's eyes at other mens happinesse �laue in any reasonable proportion , S'lid the slaue were to be loued next Heauen , aboue Honour Is�t Is't right , Boy ? r�membring you the like proportion : but withall sir , remembring the merrie night we had at the Countesses Ie�u you doe not ; mine was fuller . 1 VVhy by Iesu it was not . 2 By Iesu it was , and you �est Mischiefe , art thou come ? where are the rest ? where are the rest ? he�re whom , that's left for some Cunning woman heere o' the Banke-side to resolue : For my part thoulou'st They will assuredly come : marry Carlo ( as thou lou'st me ) runne ouer 'hem all freely to night Daunc�th Daunceth . stubb�rne the world : No maruaile though that saucie stubborne Generation the Iewes , were forbidden it Garli�ke that durst murmure at their maker out of Garlicke and Onions . Sblood fed with it , the ��� S�lood their maker out of Garlicke and Onions . Sblood fed with it , the ��� strummell patcht , pa�cht . Sblood fed with it , the ��� strummell patcht , Goggle-ey'd Grumble doryes , would ha' thri�e should shoot vp a great deale faster , & thriue much better : I referre me to your Long-lane Long-la�e thriue much better : I referre me to your Long-lane Cannibals , or such like : but since 'tis ha'recouered Take comfort good Knight , if your Cat ha' recouered her Cataract , feare nothing ; �id life , hee'ld be content ( so he were well rid out of his companie ) to pay him fiue for en�reat Sir , I doe entreat you no more , but enjoyne you to silence no�� brother , and his credite so amply engaged as now it is , when shee shall heare ( as he cannot Cloun�er , I can tell you newes , Briske is i' the Counter . ha'sau'd suspected this long afore , had you pleas'd ; and ha' sau'd this labor of Admiration now , and cro�nes to giue some slight Iewell of fiue hundred crownes , or so , why 'tis nothing . Now Mounsieur Poesi� doe confine the former And nature of sweet Poesie ) to you I tender solemne and most duteous perceiu� yet that a right-ei'd and solide Reader may perceiue it was not so great a part of the Heauen �vtters rising and recouering heart , his Passion thus vtters it selfe .