The Travels of Don Francisco de Quevedo through terra australis incognita discovering the laws, customs, manners and fashions of the south Indians : a novel, originally in Spanish.
      
       
         
           1684
        
      
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             The Travels of Don Francisco de Quevedo through terra australis incognita discovering the laws, customs, manners and fashions of the south Indians : a novel, originally in Spanish.
             Quevedo, Francisco de, 1580-1645.
             Hall, Joseph, 1574-1656.
             Gentili, Alberico, 1552-1608.
          
           [15], 177 p.
           
             Printed for William Grantham ...,
             London :
             1684.
          
           
             Engraved frontispiece.
             This item can be found at reels 1429:4, 1432:16 and 1672:12.
             Wing number Q195 cancelled in Wing (CD-ROM, 1996); Wing number T2054 cancelled in Wing (2nd ed.).
             Variously attributed to Joseph Hall, Alberico Gentili, and Francisco de Quevedo y Villegas.
             Imperfect: pages stained and torn, with loss of print.
             Reproduction of original in the University of Illinois (Urbana-Champaign Campus). Library.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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           THE
           TRAVELS
           OF
           
             Don
             Francisco
             De
          
           QUEVEDO
           ,
           Through
           Terra
           Australis
           Incognita
           .
           Discovering
           The
           Laws
           ,
           Customs
           ,
           Manners
           and
           Fashions
           ,
           Of
           The
           South
           Indians
           .
           A
           NOVEL
           .
        
         
           Originally
           in
           Spanish
           .
        
         
           
             Omne
             tulit
             punctum
             qui
             miscuit
             utile
             dulci.
             
          
        
         
           LONDON
           ,
           Printed
           for
           
             William
             Grantham
          
           ,
           at
           the
           Crown
           and
           Pearl
           ,
           over
           against
           Exeter-Change
           ,
           in
           the
           Strand
           .
           1684.
           
        
      
       
         
           
             Quevedo's
             Travell's
             .
          
        
         
           Printed
           for
           William
           Grantham
           Booke-seller
           in
           the
           Strand
           .
        
         
           ●Draperitier
           .
           sculp
           .
        
         
         
      
       
         
         
         
           TO
           THE
           READER
           .
        
         
           
             Reader
             ,
          
        
         
           YOv
           are
           not
           to
           Attribute
           what
           follows
           ,
           to
           any
           vanity
           in
           the
           Translator
           ;
           as
           if
           like
           Pigmalion
           he
           had
           been
           in
           Love
           with
           his
           Work
           ;
           he
           values
           
             Popular
             Applause
          
           ,
           as
           a
           
             Transient
             Air
          
           ,
           that
           vanishes
           into
           an
           
             Insignificant
             Nothing
          
           .
        
         
           Vnder
           this
           Allegory
           ,
           the
           too
           much
           prevailing
           Fopperies
           ,
           and
           Vices
           of
           various
           sorts
           of
           People
           ,
           are
           lively
           represented
           ,
           and
           exposed
           to
           the
           World
           ,
           to
           
           the
           end
           that
           they
           may
           be
           perswaded
           from
           ,
           or
           made
           asham'd
           of
           them
           .
        
         
           Preambles
           and
           Allegories
           ,
           have
           been
           used
           in
           
             Sacred
             Writ
          
           ;
           yet
           not
           censured
           as
           Romantick
           ;
           and
           though
           this
           Peregrination
           is
           represented
           in
           the
           Nature
           of
           a
           Romance
           ;
           it
           is
           only
           with
           an
           intent
           by
           Delightful
           Vanity
           ,
           
             To
             Please
             and
             Convince
             at
             the
             same
             time
             ,
             Omne
             tulit
             punctum
             qui
             miscuit
             utile
             dulci
             ,
          
           profitable
           things
           intermixt
           with
           delightful
           are
           Captivating
           .
        
         
           Here
           is
           Brisk
           Ingenious
           Fancy
           ;
           and
           Satyrical
           enough
           against
           the
           usual
           Vices
           ,
           and
           
             Ragnant
             Roguries
          
           of
           both
           Sexes
           ;
           (
           for
           I
           think
           that
           word
           may
           be
           used
           in
           a
           Feminine
           ,
           as
           well
           as
           a
           Masculine
           Sence
           ;
           )
           if
           your
           fancy
           incline
           to
           read
           it
           ,
           you
           may
           ;
           if
           not
           ,
           you
           may
           let
           it
           alone
           .
        
         
           Touching
           the
           Original
           ;
           Know
           ,
           't
           was
           my
           good
           hap
           to
           Arrive
           at
           Bilboa
           ,
           just
           when
           this
           Ingenious
           Piece
           of
           Antiquity
           in
           Manuscript
           ,
           was
           taking
           Post
           
           from
           a
           
             Chandles
             Shop
          
           ,
           to
           the
           Land
           of
           Oblivian
           .
           By
           this
           means
           I
           had
           the
           Opportunity
           and
           Success
           ,
           to
           Redeem
           from
           the
           Teeth
           of
           time
           ,
           and
           very
           Paw
           of
           Destruction
           ,
           This
           so
           Admirable
           and
           pleasing
           a
           
             Tract
             ,
             Originally
             in
             Spanish
          
           ;
           whose
           beauty
           appeared
           to
           me
           in
           
             Tatter'd
             Robes
          
           ,
           to
           be
           the
           very
           Emblem
           of
           Eternity
           ,
           it
           having
           neither
           begining
           nor
           end
           ;
           and
           therefore
           the
           more
           justly
           I
           call
           it
           a
           piece
           of
           Antiquity
           .
        
         
           It
           was
           very
           much
           defaced
           ;
           Time
           or
           Accident
           having
           Worn
           ,
           or
           Torn
           out
           those
           Characters
           ,
           which
           serve
           for
           distinction
           of
           Ages
           ;
           as
           also
           our
           Travellers
           Name
           ;
           Except
           in
           one
           place
           ,
           where
           was
           Remaining
           thus
           much
           of
           the
           
             Mouse-eaten
             Author
             ,
             
               Don
               Q.
            
          
           And
           from
           hence
           I
           concluded
           ,
           it
           must
           be
           either
           Quevedo
           ,
           or
           Quixot
           ;
           but
           that
           it
           was
           rather
           the
           former
           :
           I
           offer
           this
           Reason
           .
        
         
           Because
           ,
           He
           of
           all
           the
           Spacious
           and
           Flourishing
           Kingdom
           of
           Castile
           ,
           was
           
           only
           Valiant
           to
           a
           Miracle
           :
           He
           that
           never
           flinch'd
           at
           a
           Voyage
           to
           those
           Dangerous
           Caverns
           ,
           in
           
             Plutos
             Subterranean
             Dominions
          
           ;
           was
           only
           capable
           to
           undertake
           this
           so
           hazardous
           a
           Journey
           ;
           Through
           the
           Confines
           of
           
             Terra
             Australis
             Incognita
          
           .
        
         
           But
           you
           may
           Answer
           ,
           that
           was
           but
           a
           Dream
           ,
           Why
           ?
           may
           be
           so
           too
           ;
           and
           what
           if
           this
           should
           prove
           no
           more
           ,
           for
           it
           seems
           as
           unlikely
           to
           be
           reall
           as
           that
           ;
           but
           I
           hope
           if
           our
           Circumstances
           can
           prove
           our
           Indefatigable
           Don
           the
           Author
           ,
           it
           will
           be
           sufficient
           to
           gain
           your
           good
           Opinion
           ,
           and
           Acceptance
           ;
           and
           pray
           why
           may
           not
           we
           allow
           him
           to
           walk
           in
           his
           sleep
           ,
           as
           well
           upon
           the
           Surface
           of
           the
           Terrestial
           Globe
           ,
           as
           to
           the
           Centre
           .
        
         
           And
           further
           to
           Convince
           you
           ,
           I
           assure
           you
           the
           Spanish
           was
           excellently
           Smooth
           and
           Eloquent
           ,
           in
           which
           our
           Elaborate
           Don
           was
           the
           Nonsuch
           .
        
         
           But
           then
           Indeed
           the
           Character
           was
           
             Black
             ,
             Knotty
             ,
             Rough
          
           and
           Uneven
           ;
           
           Like
           the
           Notes
           in
           Gamut
           ,
           well
           understood
           by
           him
           ;
           but
           allmost
           uninteligable
           to
           a
           Shallow
           Capacity
           .
           And
           hence
           a
           seeming
           Objection
           may
           arise
           ,
           in
           the
           Opinions
           of
           such
           as
           knew
           the
           fairness
           of
           his
           Writing
           :
           but
           in
           my
           Conceipt
           ,
           is
           answered
           with
           this
           Question
           .
        
         
           Think
           you
           that
           his
           intimacy
           with
           the
           Internals
           ,
           could
           not
           obtain
           for
           his
           Attendant
           ,
           one
           of
           
             Plutos
             Secretaries
          
           ,
           to
           note
           ,
           and
           transcribe
           what
           his
           Curiosity
           Observed
           ;
           yes
           doubtless
           ;
           and
           't
           is
           the
           rather
           my
           Opinion
           ,
           because
           it
           seem'd
           to
           be
           Written
           with
           a
           
             Cloven
             hoof
          
           .
        
         
           If
           so
           ,
           how
           far
           the
           Courtesie
           exceeded
           Common
           favours
           ,
           Judg
           ye
           ,
           when
           the
           Devil
           to
           Accomodate
           him
           ,
           should
           leave
           those
           
             Hot
             Subterranean
             Mansions
          
           ,
           and
           expose
           himself
           to
           the
           
             Sharp
             Ayr
          
           ,
           under
           the
           
             South
             Pole
          
           ,
           and
           run
           the
           hazard
           of
           getting
           a
           
             Kentish
             Ague
          
           .
        
         
           From
           these
           Arguments
           I
           Conclude
           in
           the
           Affirmative
           ,
           and
           I
           would
           have
           
           you
           do
           so
           too
           ;
           and
           then
           as
           soon
           as
           you
           will
           Hoist
           out
           the
           Boat
           ,
           and
           
             Ashore
             all
             hands
             ,
             to
             make
             new
             Discoveries
             .
          
        
         
           While
           I
           (
           Somewhat
           too
           stiff
           to
           Complement
           ,
           after
           so
           toylsom
           a
           Journey
           )
           will
           make
           bold
           to
           Rest
           ,
        
         
           
             Thine
             in
             good
             Earnest
             ,
             R.
             S.
             
          
        
      
       
         
         
           AN
           INDEX
           .
        
         
           
             
               THe
               Discovery
               of
               the
               Land
               of
            
             Belly-All-Main
             ,
             
               a
               part
               of
               the
            
             South
             Indies
             ,
             Called
             ,
             Terra
             Australis
             Incognita
             ,
             
               Bordering
               upon
            
             Terra
             Dell
             Fuego
             .
             Pag.
             1.
             
          
           
             Of
             Eat-All-Main
             or
             Gluttonia
             .
             p.
             3.
             
          
           
             Of
             Dressingburgh
             ,
             
               the
               first
               Canton
               of
            
             Eat-all-main
             .
             p.
             5.
             
          
           
             Of
             Banquetois
             ,
             
               the
               second
               Canton
               of
            
             Eat-all-main
             .
             p.
             9.
             
          
           
             Of
             Pewter-Plateria
             ,
             
               the
               third
               Canton
               of
            
             Eat-all-main
             .
             p.
             11.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Metropolitan
               City
               of
            
             Eat-all-main
             ,
             called
             ,
             Flesh-Pasti-Nople
             .
             p.
             12.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Wars
               of
               the
            
             Eat-all-mains
             .
             p.
             23.
             
          
           
             Of
             Idle-Burgh
             ,
             
               and
               Imperial
               free
               Town
            
             .
             p.
             25.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Religion
               of
               the
            
             Eat-all-mains
             .
             p.
             28.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Laws
               of
               the
            
             Eat-all-mains
             .
             p.
             31.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Election
               of
               the
               Great
               Duke
               .
            
             p.
             34.
             
          
           
             Of
             Starvling
             Island
             or
             Hungerland
             .
             p.
             43.
             
          
           
             Of
             Drink-all-main
             ,
             
               the
               second
               Province
               of
            
             Belly-all-main
             .
             p.
             44.
             
          
           
           
             
               Of
               the
               Shires
               of
               the
               Province
               of
            
             Drink-all-main
             .
             p.
             46.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Description
               of
            
             Carousi-Kanikin
             ,
             
               the
               chief
               City
               of
            
             Drink-all-main
             ;
             
               as
               also
               the
               Fashions
               ,
               and
               Manners
               of
               the
            
             Drink-all-mains
             .
             p.
             49.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
            
             Knights
             
               of
               the
            
             Golden
             Tun
             ,
             
               &
               the
               Laws
               of
               the
            
             Drink-all-mains
             .
             p.
             59.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Arts
               ,
               and
               Military
               Disciplines
               of
               the
            
             Drink-all-mains
             .
             p.
             63.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Funerals
               of
               one
               of
               the
               Chief
            
             Quagmirist's
             .
             p.
             65.
             
          
           
             Of
             Brandy-Burgh
             ,
             or
             Liquor-Ardens
             ;
             
               and
               of
               the
            
             Pilgrimage
             of
             St.
             Brochio
             .
             p.
             69.
             
          
           
             
               A
               Description
               of
            
             Bottles-Brook
             .
             p.
             77.
             
          
        
         
           
             The
             Second
             Part.
             
          
           
             
               THe
               Description
               of
            
             Woman-Decoia
             :
             Or
             Shee-Landt
             ,
             
               of
               the
               Scituation
               and
               Parts
               thereof
               .
            
             p.
             81.
             
          
           
             How
             Quevedo
             
               was
               used
               by
               the
            
             Gossip-Ingoesses
             .
             p.
             83.
             
          
           
             
               Their
               Forms
               of
               Government
               ,
               and
               Elections
               of
               Persons
               of
               State.
            
             p.
             87.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Original
               of
               the
            
             Shee-Landesses
             .
             p.
             90.
             
          
           
             Of
             Giglot-Tangier
             .
             p.
             92.
             
          
           
             Of
             Shrews-Burgh
             .
             p.
             96.
             
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Third
             Part.
             
          
           
             
               OF
               the
               Scituation
               of
            
             Fooliana
             
               and
               Populousness
               thereof
            
             .
             Pag.
             107.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Parts
               of
            
             Fooliana
             ,
             
               and
               the
               Peoples
               conditions
               in
               General
               .
            
             p.
             109.
             
          
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Fickle
            
             .
             p.
             116.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Peoples
               Conditions
               &
               Attire
               .
            
             p.
             119.
             
          
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Fond.
            
             p.
             126.
             
          
           
             Of
             Ass-Sex
             .
             p.
             128.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Cities
               of
            
             Cockscom-baya
             and
             Ass-Sex
             ,
             
               and
               of
            
             Blocks-ford
             
               the
               Metropolitan
            
             .
             p.
             131.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Marquisate
               of
            
             Spendall-ezza
             .
             p.
             140.
             
          
           
             Of
             Clawback-Court
             .
             p.
             143.
             
          
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Fat.
            
             p.
             147.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Quality
               and
               Conditions
               of
               the
               People
               .
            
             p.
             150.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Paradice
               of
            
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Fat.
            
             p.
             155.
             
          
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Devout
            
             .
             p.
             162.
             
          
           
             
               The
               State
               Publick
               of
            
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Devout
            
             .
             p.
             165.
             
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Fourth
             Part.
             
          
           
             
               THe
               Description
               of
            
             Theevingenia
             ,
             
               its
               Scituation
            
             .
             p.
             169.
             
          
           
             
               The
               Conditions
               of
               the
            
             Robbers-Walders
             .
             p.
             171.
             
          
           
             The
             Pyrates
             and
             Sea-Borderers
             of
             Robbers
             Waldt
             .
             p.
             177.
             
          
           
             Of
             Lyers-bury-Plain
             ,
             
               and
               of
               the
               City
               of
            
             Pick-Pocket-Angul
             ;
             
               with
               the
               Nature
               of
               the
            
             Liegerdemanians
             .
             p.
             179.
             
          
           
             
               Of
               the
               Province
               of
            
             Still-Moore
             :
             Or
             ,
             Nunquam
             Satis
             .
             p.
             190.
             
          
        
      
       
         
         
           A
           Prologue
           .
        
         
           REports
           by
           hear-say
           ,
           who
           will
           credit
           ?
        
         
           What
           though
           the
           Parish-Parson
           saidit
           ?
        
         
           But
           that
           the
           Truth
           may
           pass
           for
           Credo
           ,
        
         
           I
           ,
           even
           I
           my self
           ,
           Quevedo
           ;
        
         
           Resolv'd
           to
           visit
           Forreign
           Islands
           ,
        
         
           The
           Southern
           Climates
           ,
           Low
           and
           Highlands
           ,
        
         
           Lands
           which
           indeed
           were
           other
           Peoples
           ,
        
         
           To
           view
           their
           Towns
           ,
           their
           
             Churches
             ,
             Steeples
          
           ;
        
         
           Their
           
             Cities
             ,
             Forts
          
           ,
           and
           Magazines
           ,
        
         
           The
           Courts
           of
           Forreign
           Kings
           and
           Queens
           ;
        
         
           Their
           Manners
           ,
           Habits
           ,
           Customs
           ,
           Fashions
           ,
        
         
           And
           various
           kinds
           of
           Habitations
           .
        
         
           Such
           things
           ,
           so
           tickling
           to
           my
           Fancies
           ,
        
         
           As
           I
           have
           Read
           in
           Old
           Romances
           ,
        
         
           As
           Gyants
           ,
           and
           
             Inchanted
             Castles
          
           ,
        
         
           Whose
           Fanes
           &
           Sumptuous
           Turrets
           Dazles
        
         
           The
           Eyes
           of
           such
           as
           passed
           by
           ,
        
         
           If
           they
           by
           Chance
           Look
           up
           so
           high
           )
        
         
         
           These
           Curiosities
           invite
           me
           ,
        
         
           With
           hopes
           that
           Travel
           will
           delight
           me
           ,
        
         
           To
           lanch
           into
           the
           Curled
           Ocean
           ,
        
         
           And
           hoisting
           Sail
           the
           Ship
           had
           Motion
           ,
        
         
           Which
           ready
           lay
           ,
           when
           we
           had
           stept
           in
           ,
        
         
           To
           plow
           the
           Watry
           Plains
           of
           Neptune
           ,
        
         
           We
           having
           Sail'd
           3
           Leagues
           ,
           or
           Nine
           Miles
           ,
        
         
           Lost
           sight
           of
           
             Landmarks
             ,
             Steeples
             ,
             Wind-mills
          
           ;
        
         
           Now
           trusting
           only
           to
           the
           Compass
           ,
        
         
           Though
           Neptunes
           surly
           surges
           thump
           us
           ,
        
         
           Wee
           in
           good
           time
           got
           safely
           over
           ;
        
         
           But
           what
           our
           passage
           did
           discover
           ,
        
         
           To
           tell
           the
           Truth
           ,
           was
           no
           great
           matter
           ,
        
         
           For
           all
           we
           saw
           ,
           was
           Sky
           and
           Water
           .
        
         
           Well
           ,
           but
           suppose
           I
           'me
           come
           on
           Shore
           ,
        
         
           And
           then
           suppose
           but
           one
           thing
           more
           ,
        
         
           That
           what
           so
           e'er
           is
           worth
           your
           Notice
           ,
        
         
           Is
           in
           this
           Little
           Book
           ,
           
             and
             so
             '
             t
             is
          
           .
        
      
    
     
       
         
           
           
             The
             Discovery
             of
             the
             Land
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             ,
             a
             part
             of
             the
             South
             Indies
             ,
             Called
             ,
             Terra
             Australis
             Incognita
             ,
             Bordering
             upon
             Terra
             Dell
             Fuego
             .
          
           
             Of
             its
             Scituation
             .
          
           
             THE
             Land
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             ,
             is
             a
             Region
             far
             extending
             both
             in
             Longitude
             and
             Latitude
             ,
             bounded
             on
             the
             North
             with
             the
             Aethiopian
             Ocean
             ,
             on
             the
             East
             with
             the
             Sheelands
             ,
             on
             the
             South
             with
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat
             ,
             and
             on
             the
             West
             with
             the
             Filching-Fens
             .
             It
             lyeth
             in
             that
             undiscovered
             Continent
             ,
             where
             that
             monstrous
             Bird
             RVC
             snatcheth
             up
             now
             and
             then
             a
             whole
             Elephant
             at
             a
             
             stoop
             ,
             and
             swaps
             him
             up
             at
             a
             Bit
             ;
             Touching
             the
             Soyl
             ,
             the
             Fertility
             is
             most
             worthily
             Admirable
             ,
             and
             the
             Ayr
             most
             delicately
             Temperate
             .
             In
             Latitude
             ,
             It
             lieth
             full
             sixty
             Degrees
             ,
             and
             in
             Longitude
             seventy
             four
             from
             Cabo-de-Bon-Speranza
             ,
             and
             is
             Scituate
             almost
             directly
             opposite
             to
             the
             Southern
             Frontiers
             of
             Affrica
             .
          
           
             Such
             Cosmographers
             as
             Write
             hereof
             ,
             divide
             it
             generally
             into
             two
             Provinces
             ,
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             Called
             by
             the
             Inhabitants
             Gluttonia
             ,
             and
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             By
             the
             Natives
             also
             ,
             called
             Quaffonia
             .
             The
             former
             scituate
             in
             the
             same
             Longitude
             and
             Latitude
             with
             
               Old
               England
            
             ,
             and
             the
             Later
             ,
             with
             the
             two
             Germany's
             :
             Both
             have
             one
             Prince
             and
             one
             Law
             ,
             and
             a
             little
             Reformation
             would
             make
             them
             Concur
             also
             in
             Habits
             and
             Manners
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Eat-All-Main
             or
             Gluttonia
             .
          
           
             EAt-all-main
             is
             in
             Form
             Triangular
             ,
             and
             resembleth
             the
             Figure
             of
             Old-Egypt
             ,
             being
             full
             of
             Sky
             Towring-Hills
             ,
             and
             yet
             so
             Fertile
             ,
             that
             the
             very
             Birds
             that
             flock
             thither
             from
             all
             places
             to
             Feed
             ,
             If
             they
             stay
             but
             three
             Months
             at
             the
             admirable
             variety
             and
             plenty
             this
             Soyl
             afords
             :
             They
             are
             so
             Loaden
             with
             the
             luggage
             of
             their
             own
             Fat
             ,
             that
             they
             cannot
             possibly
             get
             wing
             so
             high
             as
             to
             over-top
             one
             of
             the
             meaner
             Mountains
             ,
             but
             become
             sworn
             Inhabitants
             of
             this
             Fat
             Country
             all
             their
             Lives
             after
             .
          
           
             The
             Shores
             abound
             with
             plenty
             of
             Fish
             of
             divers
             kinds
             ,
             and
             they
             are
             naturally
             so
             Ravenous
             and
             Greedy
             ,
             that
             you
             no
             sooner
             cast
             your
             Angling-hook
             among
             them
             ,
             but
             like
             Cole-Miners
             about
             the
             Rope
             ,
             when
             the
             Candles
             burn
             Blew
             ,
             (
             which
             foretells
             the
             coming
             of
             the
             Damp
             )
             you
             shall
             have
             hundreds
             about
             
             the
             Line
             ,
             some
             on
             the
             Hook
             ,
             and
             some
             on
             the
             String
             ,
             and
             such
             as
             miss
             that
             Opportunity
             will
             hold
             fast
             by
             the
             Tayls
             ,
             and
             Fins
             ,
             of
             such
             as
             took
             time
             by
             the
             foretop
             .
             'T
             would
             never
             Tyre
             a
             mans
             Patience
             to
             Angle
             in
             this
             Country
             ,
             where
             he
             is
             as
             sure
             of
             Sport
             ,
             as
             the
             Beggar
             ,
             when
             (
             with
             a
             Red
             woollen
             Rag
             put
             down
             his
             Back
             )
             he
             doth
             Angle
             for
             Lice
             .
          
           
             The
             Land
             hath
             divers
             good
             Havens
             ,
             but
             no
             Ship
             is
             suffered
             to
             Harbour
             There
             ,
             but
             such
             as
             comes
             Fraighted
             with
             good
             Fare
             ,
             and
             is
             Loaden
             with
             Delicates
             ;
             the
             Soyl
             bears
             no
             Tree
             that
             bears
             no
             Fruit
             ,
             but
             all
             the
             Hedges
             are
             stor'd
             with
             Apples
             ,
             Pears
             ,
             Plumbs
             ,
             and
             Nuts
             of
             all
             sorts
             ,
             and
             some
             Hops
             ,
             but
             not
             such
             quantities
             of
             the
             last
             as
             in
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             where
             their
             Plenty
             is
             Incredible
             :
             I
             Conceit
             our
             Western
             English
             had
             that
             kind
             of
             Custome
             from
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             .
          
           
           
             This
             Territory
             of
             old
             ,
             both
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             and
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             was
             under
             the
             Government
             of
             the
             Thrivingers
             ,
             held
             by
             the
             Succession
             of
             divers
             Thrivonian
             Princes
             ,
             whose
             principal
             Seat
             was
             Eat-All-Main
             :
             But
             foreign
             Invasions
             ensuing
             ,
             and
             those
             Antient
             Worthyes
             Chased
             from
             Soveraignty
             ,
             whose
             Memory
             is
             almost
             worn
             out
             ;
             By
             whose
             Extirpation
             it
             fell
             into
             the
             Hands
             of
             the
             Eat-All-mains
             ,
             as
             it
             continues
             at
             this
             present
             Time.
             
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Dressing
             burgh
             ,
             the
             first
             Canton
             of
             Eat-All-main
             .
          
           
             DRessing-burg
             is
             the
             first
             Canton
             of
             Eat-All-main
             ,
             which
             is
             too
             hot
             a
             Climate
             for
             any
             true
             Eat-All
             to
             Inhabit
             ;
             the
             South-Cape
             lying
             under
             the
             same
             Latitude
             with
             the
             most
             Southern
             part
             of
             Castile
             ,
             and
             is
             about
             42.
             
             Degrees
             distant
             from
             the
             Equinoctial
             .
             The
             Inhabitants
             are
             of
             a
             swarthy
             Tawny
             ,
             most
             of
             them
             having
             their
             skins
             shrivled
             ,
             
             and
             withered
             ,
             and
             their
             Bodies
             plump't
             up
             like
             a
             Glove
             upon
             a
             Gridiron
             ;
             they
             affect
             Deliciousness
             rather
             than
             Excess
             .
          
           
             Upon
             the
             point
             of
             this
             Canton
             ,
             called
             the
             Swarthy-Cape
             ,
             the
             Country
             is
             wondrously
             Overclowded
             with
             Smoak
             ,
             because
             of
             the
             nearness
             of
             
               Terra
               del
               Fuego
            
             ,
             the
             Land
             of
             Fire
             .
          
           
             Upon
             the
             left
             hand
             thereof
             lyeth
             the
             City
             of
             Kitchen-Norton
             ,
             the
             Buildings
             of
             which
             are
             generally
             very
             lofty
             ,
             and
             as
             generally
             smoaky
             and
             ill
             Scented
             .
          
           
             In
             the
             midst
             of
             this
             City
             stands
             a
             goodly
             Temple
             ,
             Dedicated
             to
             god
             All-Paunch
             ,
             a
             vast
             and
             spacious
             Building
             ,
             wherein
             are
             a
             Thousand
             Altars
             Burning
             with
             continual
             Incense
             (
             except
             from
             Shrovetide
             till
             Easter
             )
             unto
             the
             aforesaid
             Deity
             .
             In
             the
             Midst
             of
             this
             Temple
             is
             a
             Tower
             Erected
             of
             Incredible
             Altitude
             ,
             called
             by
             the
             Inhabitants
             
               Chimney
               Turret
            
             ,
             from
             the
             heighth
             whereof
             
             of
             the
             whole
             Region
             round
             about
             have
             the
             usual
             Signal
             of
             War
             given
             them
             ;
             for
             whensoever
             that
             Eternal
             fume
             ceaseth
             to
             ascend
             in
             Caligunous
             Clouds
             ,
             it
             is
             a
             certain
             warning
             that
             the
             Foe
             Approaches
             .
          
           
             And
             this
             Invasion
             is
             most
             commonly
             attempted
             by
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             the
             
               Starvling
               Isles
            
             ,
             otherwise
             called
             Hungerlanders
             ,
             for
             these
             are
             the
             most
             formidable
             Enemies
             that
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             have
             .
          
           
             Near
             unto
             this
             City
             of
             Kitchen-Norton
             lyeth
             Cistern-Burgh
             ,
             wherein
             is
             the
             famous
             Mountain
             Cock-Alty
             ,
             Exceeding
             high
             ,
             but
             directly
             opposite
             in
             nature
             to
             Mount
             Aetna
             ;
             for
             whereas
             that
             Disgorgeth
             streams
             of
             Fire
             ,
             to
             the
             Detriment
             of
             the
             Neighbour
             Cities
             ,
             and
             Villages
             ;
             so
             this
             Stupendious
             Mountain
             Cock-Alty
             sends
             forth
             continual
             Rivers
             of
             sweet
             and
             fresh
             water
             ;
             to
             the
             great
             advantage
             of
             the
             Neighbour
             Cityes
             ,
             especially
             the
             City
             of
             Kitchen-Norton
             .
             In
             Cistern-Burgh
             are
             only
             some
             few
             houses
             of
             
             entertainment
             ,
             where
             commonly
             do
             Sojourn
             for
             a
             small
             season
             the
             Journying
             Citizens
             of
             
               Carp-O-Pan
               ,
               Trout-On
            
             ,
             and
             Tench-More
             ;
             with
             Merchandize
             from
             those
             Marine
             parts
             ,
             to
             this
             tradeing
             City
             of
             Kitchen-Norton
             .
          
           
             Within
             the
             liberties
             of
             Kitchen-Norton
             ,
             are
             certain
             Villages
             ,
             first
             Hole-Cole
             ,
             a
             large
             Town
             ,
             consisting
             of
             a
             strange
             form
             of
             Building
             ,
             of
             Caves
             under
             ground
             .
             Tongs-Worth
             ,
             &
             Fire-Pan-Wick
             ,
             two
             small
             Villages
             both
             in
             one
             Parish
             ;
             and
             on
             the
             left
             hand
             you
             have
             three
             others
             ,
             
               Spitsted
               ,
               Kettle-Dorp
            
             and
             Spoons-by
             ,
             all
             pretty
             Towns
             ,
             and
             well
             Peopled
             ;
             Kittle-Dorp
             hath
             a
             fair
             River
             passeth
             through
             it
             ,
             call'd
             Ture-Mois
             ,
             which
             they
             say
             Boyleth
             every
             Twenty
             Four
             hours
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             of
             Spoons-By
             ,
             as
             also
             another
             small
             Village
             nigh
             it
             ,
             called
             Ladle-Cup
             ,
             are
             instructed
             in
             no
             other
             art
             ,
             but
             laving
             ,
             and
             are
             very
             expert
             in
             cleansing
             of
             Ditches
             ,
             Fish-ponds
             ,
             Wells
             ,
             or
             such
             places
             ;
             and
             these
             only
             are
             imployed
             in
             such
             
             Services
             ,
             not
             only
             in
             Kitchen-Norton
             ,
             but
             also
             in
             all
             the
             Rivers
             of
             the
             Circum-Jacent
             Cityes
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             ;
             as
             Gravy-Channel
             in
             the
             City
             of
             Flesh-Pasti-Nople
             ,
             and
             Sauce-Bourn
             ,
             which
             watereth
             the
             Plains
             of
             Pewter-Plateria
             ,
             but
             principally
             in
             those
             famous
             Hot-Wells
             ,
             called
             the
             Baths
             of
             Broathington
             in
             the
             Vallies
             of
             Poringerio
             ;
             for
             which
             Imployments
             they
             have
             the
             great
             Dukes
             Pattent
             ,
             so
             that
             no
             others
             dare
             intrench
             upon
             their
             priviledges
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Banquetois
             ,
             the
             Second
             Canton
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             .
          
           
             PAssing
             from
             Dressing-Burgh
             ,
             the
             first
             Canton
             you
             enter
             ,
             is
             the
             very
             Garden
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             ;
             it
             is
             called
             Banquetois
             ,
             and
             is
             as
             it
             were
             a
             continual
             Forrest
             of
             nothing
             but
             
               Dates
               ,
               Almonds
               ,
               Figs
               ,
               Ollives
               ,
               Pomgrantes
               ,
               Cytrons
               ,
            
             and
             Nutmegs
             .
             The
             River
             Oyl-Brook
             hath
             its
             Course
             through
             the
             heart
             of
             this
             goodly
             Territory
             .
          
           
           
             The
             City
             of
             Marchpane
             is
             the
             chief
             Town
             of
             note
             it
             this
             Canton
             ,
             being
             Built
             after
             a
             stately
             manner
             ,
             with
             Turrets
             ,
             and
             Obelisks
             ,
             all
             Guilt
             over
             ;
             but
             indeed
             it
             is
             but
             of
             a
             slender
             kind
             of
             Fortification
             ,
             and
             lyeth
             very
             open
             to
             the
             Enemies
             Cannon
             .
          
           
             A
             little
             above
             this
             City
             are
             certain
             Mines
             called
             the
             Sugar-Hills
             ,
             whence
             they
             dig
             a
             certain
             Ore
             ,
             in
             Colour
             whitish
             ,
             in
             Touch
             hard
             ,
             and
             in
             Tast
             sweet
             .
          
           
             This
             City
             hath
             very
             few
             Inhabitants
             of
             any
             years
             ,
             that
             have
             any
             Teeth
             left
             ;
             but
             all
             from
             Eighteen
             to
             the
             Grave
             ,
             are
             the
             Natural
             Heirs
             of
             a
             Stinking
             Breath
             .
          
           
             Next
             unto
             this
             ,
             lyeth
             another
             little
             Corporation
             called
             Drugs-Burgh
             ,
             and
             here
             they
             have
             a
             Law
             ,
             that
             none
             must
             be
             made
             free
             of
             the
             City
             ,
             but
             
               Apothecaries
               ,
               Grocers
            
             ,
             and
             Boxmakers
             .
             The
             very
             Heavens
             seems
             to
             Conspire
             with
             the
             places
             fitness
             to
             increas
             their
             Trading
             ;
             for
             at
             certain
             times
             of
             the
             year
             ,
             you
             shall
             have
             the
             whole
             Country
             
             covered
             quite
             over
             with
             Aromatical
             
               Trochices
               ,
               Comfits
            
             ,
             and
             Confections
             ,
             (
             congealed
             by
             the
             coolness
             of
             the
             Airs
             middle
             Region
             )
             that
             fall
             from
             the
             Clouds
             in
             as
             great
             Abundance
             ,
             (
             at
             those
             times
             when
             they
             do
             fall
             )
             as
             ever
             fell
             showre
             of
             Hail
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Pewter-Plateria
             ,
             the
             Third
             Canton
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             .
          
           
             AS
             we
             passed
             the
             55th
             Degree
             beyond
             the
             line
             ,
             we
             entered
             into
             a
             spacious
             Plain
             ;
             by
             the
             Inhabitants
             called
             Pewter-Plateria
             ,
             which
             we
             entered
             in
             our
             Map
             under
             the
             name
             of
             Platters-Plain
             ;
             it
             lyeth
             in
             the
             very
             heart
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             and
             the
             first
             City
             we
             met
             with
             in
             this
             Tract
             ,
             was
             Victualla
             ,
             through
             the
             midst
             of
             which
             there
             Passeth
             a
             River
             called
             Sauce-Bourn
             ,
             whose
             Water
             is
             somewhat
             Tart
             in
             tast
             .
             In
             the
             Market-Place
             of
             this
             Town
             I
             beheld
             a
             Monument
             ,
             it
             was
             no
             rare
             Piece
             of
             work
             ,
             but
             of
             a
             very
             Antient
             Model
             ,
             
             the
             top
             Stone
             being
             cut
             in
             form
             of
             a
             Sea
             Crab.
             
          
           
             I
             shall
             here
             omit
             the
             fruitful
             Plains
             of
             Goblet
             the
             great
             ,
             and
             Fatland
             Forrest
             ,
             together
             with
             the
             goodly
             City
             of
             Sausagenia
             ,
             a
             Town
             rarely
             Seated
             ,
             only
             it
             stands
             a
             little
             too
             near
             the
             Salt
             Water
             .
             I
             shall
             also
             pass
             by
             Butterkin
             the
             Fenny
             ,
             and
             Cheswick
             ,
             the
             last
             Town
             of
             all
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             and
             Situate
             upon
             the
             vory
             Borders
             of
             Quaffonia
             .
             These
             I
             slightly
             pass
             ,
             because
             I
             would
             fain
             be
             at
             the
             Metropolitan
             City
             of
             the
             whole
             Region
             ;
             for
             that
             very
             place
             alone
             ,
             in
             Structure
             of
             houses
             ,
             Manners
             of
             Inhabitants
             ,
             and
             formality
             of
             Discipline
             ,
             I
             esteem
             above
             all
             the
             rest
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Metropolitan
             City
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             called
             Flesh-Pasti-Nople
             .
          
           
             HEre-about
             are
             but
             few
             Villages
             ,
             The
             Cities
             having
             eat
             up
             most
             of
             the
             Burroughs
             ;
             neither
             are
             their
             Cityes
             so
             abundant
             in
             number
             as
             they
             are
             in
             Riches
             ,
             and
             populous
             
             Inhabitants
             ;
             but
             of
             them
             all
             ,
             the
             Prime
             and
             Mother-City
             is
             that
             Famous
             Flesh-Pasti-nople
             .
          
           
             Their
             Old
             Records
             do
             report
             ,
             that
             in
             former
             Ages
             ,
             there
             were
             two
             Rich
             and
             Potent
             Cityes
             ,
             Flesh-ton
             and
             Py-nople
             ,
             between
             whom
             there
             was
             long
             and
             vehement
             Contention
             about
             the
             Soveraignty
             ;
             Py-nople
             stood
             much
             upon
             its
             Antiquity
             ,
             but
             Flesh-ton
             Counterpoised
             the
             others
             Continuance
             with
             her
             own
             present
             Glory
             ,
             pleasant
             Scituation
             and
             Powerfulness
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             a
             Parliament
             was
             called
             ,
             and
             Finally
             ,
             the
             whole
             House
             with
             one
             Consent
             gave
             the
             Supremacy
             unto
             
               Flesh-ton
               .
               Py-nople
            
             thus
             disgraced
             ,
             decayed
             to
             nothing
             ,
             so
             that
             it
             is
             at
             this
             day
             almost
             Impossible
             to
             know
             where
             it
             stood
             .
             Now
             Flesh-ton
             grew
             more
             and
             more
             in
             Lustre
             ,
             and
             both
             to
             add
             a
             Magnificence
             to
             the
             Name
             ,
             as
             also
             to
             paste
             the
             Foile
             of
             Py-nople
             upon
             the
             Forehead
             of
             posterity
             .
             It
             left
             the
             
             last
             Syllable
             of
             its
             Old
             Name
             ,
             and
             Assumed
             the
             two
             Last
             of
             Py-nople
             ,
             joyning
             them
             together
             with
             the
             Cement
             whereof
             their
             Antient
             Walls
             were
             made
             ,
             and
             so
             was
             thenceforth
             called
             Flesh-Pasti-nople
             .
          
           
             Touching
             the
             form
             ,
             it
             is
             rather
             vast
             in
             Compass
             ,
             than
             comely
             in
             Building
             .
             It
             hath
             a
             Rivelet
             of
             Spring-Water
             Running
             almost
             through
             every
             Street
             ;
             in
             which
             you
             shall
             see
             a
             thousand
             several
             impaled
             Fishponds
             ,
             wherein
             they
             keep
             
               Swans
               ,
               Geese
               ,
               Ducks
               ,
               Teals
               ,
            
             and
             all
             kinds
             of
             Water-fowl
             .
             This
             Current
             is
             called
             Gravie-Channel
             .
             The
             City
             is
             Double-walled
             about
             with
             the
             Bones
             that
             remained
             of
             their
             Carnival
             Feastings
             .
             These
             Bones
             are
             Artificially
             and
             with
             Judgment
             cemented
             together
             with
             Morter
             made
             of
             the
             whites
             of
             Eggs.
             Their
             Houses
             within
             are
             neither
             too
             Stately
             ,
             nor
             too
             Lofty
             .
             They
             love
             no
             Assents
             by
             Staires
             up
             to
             their
             Doors
             ,
             partly
             ,
             because
             't
             is
             dangerous
             to
             
             come
             down
             ,
             when
             their
             Brains
             are
             throughly
             moistned
             ;
             and
             partly
             because
             't
             is
             toilesome
             to
             climb
             up
             ,
             when
             their
             Bellies
             are
             bumbasted
             .
             Instead
             of
             
               Lead
               ,
               Tyle
            
             and
             Slat
             ,
             their
             Houses
             are
             all
             Rooft
             with
             shoulder-bones
             of
             Beasts
             very
             cunningly
             knit
             together
             .
          
           
             The
             City
             consists
             not
             of
             any
             but
             such
             as
             have
             one
             dependance
             or
             other
             upon
             Rack
             and
             Manger
             ,
             the
             Husbandmen
             ,
             Carpenters
             ,
             Millers
             ,
             and
             Butchers
             ,
             have
             each
             their
             Habitations
             assigned
             in
             the
             Suburbs
             ,
             who
             notwithstanding
             ,
             if
             they
             can
             bring
             their
             Bellies
             to
             a
             certain
             size
             ,
             are
             presently
             Summon'd
             to
             Gurmands
             Hall
             ,
             and
             made
             free
             of
             the
             Wide-throats
             ;
             no
             Stranger
             can
             have
             his
             Freedom
             at
             first
             ,
             unless
             he
             be
             either
             a
             Cook
             ,
             a
             Baker
             ,
             or
             an
             Inkeeper
             .
          
           
             The
             City
             is
             Govern'd
             by
             a
             certain
             number
             of
             Grave
             Senators
             ,
             peculiarly
             stiled
             Alder-maws
             ,
             who
             are
             not
             Elected
             for
             their
             Wisdom
             ,
             their
             Wealth
             ,
             or
             their
             Horse-Tail
             Beards
             ;
             
             but
             by
             the
             circumference
             of
             their
             Paunches
             ,
             which
             at
             a
             solemn
             set
             Feast
             once
             every
             Year
             ,
             are
             Measured
             ,
             and
             the
             more
             that
             each
             mans
             Rotundity
             is
             found
             to
             be
             inlarged
             ,
             unto
             the
             higher
             place
             he
             is
             presently
             Advanced
             :
             But
             if
             either
             sickness
             ,
             or
             age
             ,
             do
             chance
             to
             make
             any
             of
             these
             Alder-maws
             cast
             their
             Collops
             ,
             they
             are
             immediately
             put
             off
             the
             Bench
             ;
             and
             as
             they
             have
             lost
             their
             Grease
             ,
             so
             must
             they
             lose
             their
             Grace
             at
             a
             clap
             :
             Why
             this
             is
             hard
             now
             :
             but
             't
             is
             true
             ,
             as
             hard
             as
             it
             is
             I
             can
             tell
             you
             that
             .
          
           
             The
             Geometrical
             form
             of
             the
             City
             is
             Oval
             ,
             and
             hath
             four
             Gates
             ;
             at
             which
             there
             do
             daily
             attend
             course
             by
             course
             four
             Alder-maws
             ,
             Selected
             to
             the
             Office
             of
             
               Supervisors
               of
               the
               Paunchery
            
             ;
             and
             these
             are
             to
             examine
             all
             that
             come
             in
             ,
             and
             go
             out
             ,
             and
             to
             mind
             that
             none
             go
             out
             Fasting
             .
             If
             they
             find
             any
             Person
             so
             offending
             ,
             he
             is
             condemned
             to
             eat
             two
             Suppers
             .
             They
             are
             also
             
             to
             mind
             that
             none
             come
             in
             Empty-handed
             :
             for
             not
             to
             go
             out
             full-Bellied
             ,
             and
             not
             to
             come
             in
             full-Handed
             ,
             is
             an
             heinous
             contempt
             of
             the
             Cities
             Right-healthful
             Government
             .
          
           
             Every
             Month
             they
             are
             bound
             by
             Law
             to
             Celebrate
             a
             solemn
             Feast
             ,
             where
             every
             Alder-maw
             of
             the
             whole
             Society
             must
             be
             present
             ,
             to
             consult
             about
             the
             Publick
             good
             :
             Their
             place
             of
             meeting
             is
             Gurmonds
             Hall
             ,
             where
             being
             met
             ,
             and
             having
             turned
             their
             Wine
             into
             Water
             ,
             and
             their
             Oysters
             into
             Shells
             :
             Every
             one
             takes
             his
             Chair
             ,
             and
             to
             Dinner
             they
             go
             :
             Now
             ,
             they
             may
             not
             in
             any
             case
             have
             their
             
               Boars
               ,
               Sheep
               ,
               Goats
               ,
               Lambs
               ,
            
             &c.
             serv'd
             up
             in
             Parcels
             and
             Joynts
             ,
             but
             they
             must
             have
             all
             whole
             .
             You
             shall
             see
             the
             waiters
             come
             sweating
             with
             a
             whole
             Hogg
             ,
             or
             a
             whole
             Calf
             ,
             upon
             a
             great
             Pewter
             Engine
             ;
             you
             would
             bless
             your self
             to
             behold
             it
             :
             and
             he
             that
             riseth
             before
             six
             hours
             be
             fully
             run
             ,
             runs
             his
             head
             under
             a
             rigorous
             fine
             .
          
           
           
             And
             for
             the
             breaking
             up
             of
             the
             Feast
             ,
             thus
             is
             their
             Order
             .
             They
             have
             a
             Door
             in
             the
             Hall
             ,
             large
             enough
             for
             the
             greatest
             Gutmonger
             that
             lives
             ,
             and
             take
             him
             fasting
             .
             At
             this
             Door
             they
             enter
             when
             they
             come
             to
             the
             Feast
             ,
             which
             being
             ended
             ,
             he
             that
             cannot
             get
             his
             Belly
             through
             ,
             is
             let
             forth
             another
             way
             ;
             but
             he
             that
             passes
             as
             easily
             as
             he
             came
             in
             ,
             is
             stay'd
             by
             an
             Officer
             appointed
             for
             that
             purpose
             ,
             called
             the
             Sergeant
             of
             the
             Maw
             ,
             and
             brought
             back
             again
             ,
             where
             he
             must
             seetle
             himself
             to
             a
             renewed
             Rouse
             ,
             untell
             his
             Belly
             be
             able
             to
             kiss
             both
             the
             Cheeks
             of
             the
             Door
             at
             once
             ,
             and
             then
             he
             is
             dismissed
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             a
             common
             Hospital
             belonging
             to
             this
             City
             ,
             wherein
             all
             such
             as
             have
             got
             the
             Dropsie
             or
             the
             Gout
             ,
             or
             any
             such
             disease
             ,
             by
             his
             Valour
             in
             Gurmondizing
             ,
             are
             Maintained
             at
             the
             Publick
             charge
             .
          
           
             But
             all
             such
             as
             have
             lost
             their
             Teeth
             by
             Age
             ,
             or
             by
             eating
             their
             
             Broath
             too
             hot
             ,
             are
             forthwith
             provided
             for
             very
             conveniently
             ,
             and
             sent
             away
             into
             the
             Spoon-meat
             Islands
             .
          
           
             The
             Citizens
             are
             Generally
             of
             an
             unmeasurable
             Groseness
             ,
             and
             seemed
             to
             me
             ,
             when
             I
             saw
             them
             walk
             ,
             just
             like
             so
             many
             Tunns
             ,
             moving
             each
             upon
             two
             pottle
             Pots
             ;
             nor
             is
             that
             man
             worthy
             of
             the
             least
             Salutation
             that
             is
             not
             all
             Cheeks
             to
             the
             Belly
             ,
             and
             all
             Belly
             to
             the
             Knees
             .
          
           
             And
             such
             shapes
             do
             the
             Women
             of
             this
             City
             walk
             in
             also
             ,
             the
             German
             froes
             do
             pretty
             well
             in
             Imitation
             of
             these
             Souse-Barrels
             ;
             the
             Young
             Women
             may
             not
             Marry
             ,
             till
             such
             time
             as
             before
             a
             Bench
             of
             Matrons
             ,
             They
             make
             a
             publick
             Demonstration
             ,
             that
             their
             Dugs
             ,
             and
             their
             Chins
             ,
             can
             meet
             without
             forceing
             of
             either
             .
          
           
             They
             go
             for
             the
             most
             part
             all
             naked
             ,
             only
             their
             Alder-Maws
             may
             wear
             Gowns
             ,
             which
             must
             be
             only
             the
             Skins
             of
             such
             Beasts
             as
             they
             
             are
             able
             to
             devour
             alone
             at
             one
             sitting
             .
          
           
             Their
             Schools
             have
             no
             Lecture
             Read
             in
             them
             ,
             but
             only
             Apicius
             .
             His
             Institutions
             of
             the
             Art
             of
             Muncherie
             ,
             and
             there
             are
             all
             the
             young
             fry
             taught
             the
             Sciences
             of
             Carving
             ,
             Chewing
             ,
             and
             Swallowing
             most
             profoundly
             .
             The
             
               Munchery
               Lecturer
            
             ,
             when
             I
             was
             there
             ,
             was
             one
             Doctor
             Full-Gorge
             ;
             a
             man
             most
             rare
             in
             his
             Profession
             ,
             and
             thorowly
             arquainted
             with
             all
             the
             Fundamentals
             of
             the
             said
             Sciences
             .
          
           
             Their
             Library
             is
             a
             large
             Room
             ranked
             full
             of
             Pots
             and
             Cans
             of
             all
             sorts
             ,
             every
             sort
             in
             their
             several
             Classes
             ;
             so
             the
             Schollers
             have
             also
             each
             his
             full
             Pot
             ,
             and
             his
             laden
             Platter
             for
             his
             Book
             .
             The
             Fresh
             men
             have
             lesser
             measures
             ;
             the
             Sophisters
             larger
             ,
             and
             so
             up
             to
             the
             Graduaits
             .
             The
             first
             perhaps
             has
             his
             Pint
             ,
             and
             his
             Pullet
             ;
             the
             next
             ,
             his
             Quart
             and
             his
             Goose
             ;
             the
             third
             ,
             his
             Pottle
             and
             his
             Lamb
             ,
             and
             so
             upwards
             .
             
             Nor
             may
             any
             leave
             his
             Task
             ,
             or
             have
             leave
             to
             play
             ,
             till
             he
             have
             made
             an
             end
             of
             what
             was
             injoyned
             him
             .
          
           
             If
             any
             one
             stay
             Seven
             years
             in
             these
             Schools
             ,
             and
             benefit
             nothing
             ,
             he
             is
             forthwith
             Banished
             for
             ever
             into
             the
             
               Starveling
               Isles
            
             ,
             or
             Hungerland
             ,
             to
             deal
             upon
             Spanish
             dinners
             ,
             furnished
             with
             half
             Pilchards
             .
             Thither
             also
             they
             thrust
             all
             Physitians
             ,
             and
             Prescribers
             of
             diets
             .
             If
             any
             one
             of
             them
             be
             ill
             at
             ease
             ,
             he
             presently
             eats
             a
             raw
             Radish
             ,
             drinks
             a
             little
             hot
             Water
             ,
             Spews
             a
             while
             ,
             and
             within
             a
             quarter
             of
             an
             hour
             ,
             Viah
             he
             lets
             fly
             upon
             Ajax
             ,
             and
             rises
             from
             his
             roast
             as
             sound
             as
             a
             Bell.
             
          
           
             They
             love
             venison
             entirely
             well
             ,
             but
             cannot
             tell
             how
             to
             catch
             it
             ;
             only
             such
             Deer
             as
             comes
             willingly
             amongst
             them
             ,
             those
             they
             Intangle
             in
             Nets
             ,
             and
             take
             them
             .
             But
             the
             noble
             Swine
             ,
             Oh
             they
             prise
             that
             Beast
             above
             all
             others
             !
             whether
             because
             of
             their
             sympathy
             of
             natures
             ,
             
             being
             both
             fatally
             Consecrated
             to
             the
             Table
             ,
             or
             by
             reason
             that
             the
             Swine
             will
             feed
             on
             the
             Coursest
             meat
             ,
             and
             be
             soonest
             fed
             ,
             I
             am
             uncapable
             to
             determine
             .
          
           
             If
             any
             one
             keep
             his
             provant
             while
             it
             stinks
             ,
             he
             is
             forthwith
             condemn'd
             of
             High
             Treason
             ,
             and
             spitted
             upon
             a
             Stake
             .
             Only
             two
             Reservations
             their
             Law
             agreeth
             unto
             ;
             The
             first
             is
             ,
             they
             may
             keep
             Venison
             till
             it
             be
             all
             Hoary
             ,
             and
             Mouldy
             ;
             And
             the
             second
             is
             ,
             they
             may
             lay
             their
             Cheese
             where
             they
             think
             good
             ,
             till
             it
             be
             ready
             to
             creep
             away
             with
             Maggots
             :
             To
             these
             Worms
             they
             usually
             scrape
             a
             little
             fine
             Sugar
             ,
             and
             with
             the
             point
             of
             a
             Knife
             ,
             or
             a
             Spoon
             ,
             crash
             them
             up
             as
             if
             they
             were
             so
             many
             Almond
             Comfits
             .
             I
             wonder
             our
             Low-Dutch
             should
             be
             such
             Loggerheads
             to
             follow
             them
             in
             this
             filthy
             fashion
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Wars
             of
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             .
          
           
             THE
             Eat-All-Mains
             have
             unreconcilable
             Wars
             with
             two
             other
             Nations
             ,
             the
             
               Hunger
               landers
            
             of
             the
             
               Starveling
               Islands
            
             ,
             and
             the
             Thrivengers
             of
             Thriveingois
             .
          
           
             The
             first
             Inhabit
             certain
             Western
             Isles
             in
             the
             Atlantick
             Sea
             ,
             not
             far
             Distant
             from
             Eat-All-Main
             ;
             but
             the
             Latter
             lye
             Somwhat
             farther
             off
             it
             ,
             by
             reason
             of
             a
             great
             part
             of
             the
             Territorie
             of
             Fool-I-Ana
             ,
             and
             some
             parcel
             also
             of
             Shee-Land
             ,
             that
             puts
             in
             between
             them
             .
          
           
             Their
             Historical
             Monuments
             relate
             ,
             that
             the
             Hungerlanders
             ,
             being
             confederate
             with
             the
             Thevingenians
             ,
             have
             made
             many
             Terrible
             Invasions
             upon
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             Borders
             ,
             and
             one
             time
             gave
             them
             a
             sore
             Foyl
             ,
             the
             Inhabitants
             being
             forced
             to
             hide
             themselves
             in
             Caves
             under
             ground
             ,
             untill
             their
             gods
             pittying
             them
             ,
             made
             their
             foes
             own
             Chops
             their
             fatal
             destruction
             ;
             for
             
             they
             did
             so
             Engorge
             themselves
             after
             this
             sudden
             change
             ,
             that
             growing
             hereby
             all
             diseased
             ,
             there
             was
             not
             a
             man
             of
             them
             left
             in
             three
             years
             .
             If
             you
             would
             have
             given
             a
             Spanish
             Royal
             for
             a
             man
             ,
             no
             not
             a
             man
             to
             Cast
             at
             a
             Dog.
             
          
           
             The
             Thriveingers
             also
             ,
             the
             Antient
             Inhabitants
             of
             this
             Land
             ,
             have
             made
             many
             attempts
             to
             Regain
             their
             lost
             Possessions
             ,
             but
             have
             been
             continually
             beaten
             back
             by
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             good
             success
             .
          
           
             They
             march
             unto
             Battle
             Armed
             only
             before
             ,
             (
             needing
             no
             defence
             behind
             ,
             because
             they
             cannot
             Run
             away
             )
             in
             Ox
             Hides
             ,
             Sheep-Skins
             ,
             and
             Swines
             Pelts
             ,
             that
             you
             would
             imagine
             them
             to
             be
             a
             herd
             of
             Cattel
             that
             were
             driving
             to
             the
             watering
             place
             .
          
           
             Their
             weapons
             commonly
             are
             Spits
             ,
             and-Fire
             Forks
             ,
             and
             some
             of
             them
             have
             Cross-bows
             made
             of
             the
             bones
             of
             large
             Oxen.
             But
             the
             very
             truth
             is
             ,
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             give
             
             them
             their
             best
             Assistance
             ,
             for
             had
             it
             not
             been
             for
             them
             ,
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             had
             been
             down
             the
             wind
             long
             ere
             this
             ;
             and
             there
             's
             the
             main
             of
             the
             whole
             matter
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Idle-Burgh
             ,
             an
             Imperial
             free
             Town
             .
          
           
             IDle-Burgh
             is
             a
             famous
             and
             free
             State
             ,
             and
             hath
             a
             large
             territory
             under
             command
             ;
             it
             is
             Scituate
             in
             the
             farthest
             confines
             of
             Platters-Plain
             towards
             Fooliana
             .
             The
             Citizens
             live
             in
             far
             more
             happy
             Estate
             than
             ever
             Monk
             did
             ,
             having
             all
             things
             they
             can
             desire
             in
             Abundance
             .
          
           
             The
             Town
             is
             so
             strongly
             scituated
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             Impregnable
             ,
             being
             Built
             upon
             a
             Rock
             ten
             German
             Miles
             in
             height
             ,
             and
             withall
             ,
             so
             steep
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             utterly
             Inaccessible
             ;
             at
             the
             foot
             of
             this
             Cliff
             Runs
             the
             River
             Idle
             ,
             whereof
             the
             City
             taketh
             her
             name
             .
             Runs
             did
             I
             say
             ,
             hold
             ,
             it
             seems
             rather
             to
             Creep
             ,
             being
             more
             like
             a
             Lake
             than
             a
             River
             .
          
           
           
             There
             is
             but
             one
             way
             up
             to
             the
             Town
             ,
             that
             is
             ,
             the
             Townsmen
             leting
             down
             a
             Basket
             fastned
             to
             the
             end
             of
             a
             Rope
             ,
             do
             hale
             up
             the
             Passengers
             .
          
           
             They
             live
             all
             upon
             certain
             Birds
             Naturally
             bred
             amongst
             them
             ,
             the
             Inhabitants
             call
             them
             Gulls
             ,
             which
             serve
             the
             Cities
             use
             with
             three
             sorts
             of
             Meats
             ,
             Flesh
             ,
             Eggs
             ,
             and
             Fish
             :
             Flesh
             from
             their
             own
             Carkasses
             ,
             Eggs
             from
             their
             Nests
             ,
             and
             Fish
             which
             they
             bring
             for
             the
             feeding
             their
             young
             ones
             in
             huge
             excess
             :
             And
             besides
             ,
             the
             Sticks
             of
             their
             Nests
             finds
             the
             Citizens
             with
             perpetual
             fireing
             ;
             What
             would
             you
             have
             more
             ,
             and
             more
             you
             shall
             have
             ?
             Their
             Feathers
             serve
             the
             Citizens
             for
             stuffing
             their
             Beds
             ;
             yes
             marry
             do
             they
             ,
             and
             some
             to
             spare
             also
             for
             Transportation
             .
          
           
             The
             Ground
             within
             the
             Walls
             brings-forth
             whole
             Vintages
             of
             delicate
             Grapes
             ,
             and
             whole
             Harvests
             of
             the
             purest
             Wheat
             .
          
           
           
             The
             People
             do
             live
             an
             uncurious
             Life
             ,
             they
             Sup
             ,
             they
             Sleep
             ,
             they
             Rise
             ,
             they
             Breakfast
             ,
             they
             Dine
             ,
             they
             Sup
             ,
             and
             so
             round
             in
             a
             Ring
             .
             Unless
             a
             little
             whoreing
             now
             and
             then
             chance
             to
             add
             one
             dance
             more
             to
             the
             Round
             .
          
           
             The
             Richer
             sort
             have
             many
             Servants
             to
             attend
             on
             them
             ;
             one
             to
             open
             the
             Masters
             eyes
             gently
             when
             he
             awaketh
             ,
             Another
             to
             fan
             a
             cool
             Aire
             whilst
             he
             eateth
             ,
             A
             third
             to
             pop
             in
             his
             victuals
             when
             he
             gapeth
             ,
             A
             fourth
             to
             fit
             his
             Girdle
             to
             his
             paunch
             as
             it
             riseth
             ,
             and
             falleth
             :
             The
             Master
             only
             Exerciseth
             Eating
             ,
             Digesting
             ,
             and
             Laying
             out
             .
          
           
             There
             are
             Divers
             other
             Cityes
             that
             hold
             of
             this
             Idleburgh
             in
             Capite
             ,
             and
             under
             protection
             of
             her
             ,
             enjoy
             the
             same
             priviledges
             with
             her
             ,
             as
             Sleep-on
             ,
             and
             Snort-apace
             ,
             where
             the
             Inhabitants
             are
             seldom
             or
             never
             awake
             ;
             and
             it
             is
             strange
             to
             see
             how
             fat
             they
             grow
             with
             this
             Drousie
             Lethergy
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Religion
             of
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             .
          
           
             THey
             cannot
             endure
             Jupiter
             ,
             for
             he
             ,
             when
             he
             Thunders
             ,
             Sowers
             all
             their
             Wines
             ;
             but
             they
             have
             a
             good
             Devotion
             to
             god
             Trine
             ,
             because
             he
             eateth
             up
             all
             things
             before
             him
             ,
             and
             shews
             himself
             therein
             a
             true
             Eat-All-Main
             .
             They
             have
             built
             a
             goodly
             Temple
             unto
             him
             ,
             in
             which
             I
             saw
             the
             Picture
             of
             Saturn
             eating
             up
             his
             Children
             very
             Artificially
             pourtraid
             .
          
           
             On
             Shrove-tuesday
             ,
             They
             Offer
             Sacrifice
             to
             this
             Deity
             ,
             whose
             power
             appears
             to
             them
             once
             every
             year
             in
             form
             of
             a
             huge
             Monstrous
             ,
             Ravenous
             Fowl
             :
             The
             Inhabitants
             call
             him
             RVC
             ,
             to
             whom
             they
             present
             whole
             Hecatombs
             of
             Raw
             Flesh
             thus
             Ordered
             .
          
           
             Shrove-tuesday
             ,
             As
             I
             said
             before
             ,
             is
             the
             day
             of
             Sacrifice
             .
             The
             place
             in
             Pewter-Plateria
             ,
             where
             is
             a
             large
             Plain
             ,
             lying
             towards
             the
             South
             ,
             incirculed
             
             with
             Mountains
             ;
             unto
             this
             Plain
             do
             all
             the
             Inhabitants
             flock
             ,
             bringing
             with
             them
             an
             Ocean
             of
             Victuals
             ,
             as
             
               Elephants
               ,
               Camels
               ,
               Oxen
            
             of
             the
             largest
             size
             ,
             
               Boars
               ,
               Sheep
               ,
               Goats
            
             ,
             with
             a
             whole
             Army
             of
             Fowl
             ,
             all
             with
             their
             Feathers
             pluckt
             off
             :
             All
             these
             are
             put
             as
             it
             were
             into
             this
             large
             Cage
             ;
             which
             done
             ,
             they
             get
             them
             up
             on
             the
             top
             of
             the
             Mountains
             sides
             ,
             as
             if
             they
             took
             their
             Seats
             in
             a
             Playhouse
             ,
             and
             with
             bended
             knees
             do
             there
             expect
             the
             comeing
             of
             this
             Deity
             ,
             
               Old
               RVC
            
             of
             Rucks-Hall
             .
             At
             length
             Sir
             ,
             you
             shall
             see
             him
             come
             afar
             off
             ,
             with
             a
             noise
             Able
             to
             Deaf
             the
             whole
             Nation
             three
             hundred
             miles
             about
             ,
             with
             a
             great
             crooked
             Bill
             ,
             as
             bigg
             almost
             as
             half
             the
             
               Equinoctial
               Circle
            
             ,
             with
             a
             pair
             of
             Tallons
             like
             two
             broad
             spread
             Oakes
             ,
             with
             two
             Eyes
             in
             his
             head
             like
             two
             Towns
             that
             were
             on
             fire
             ,
             and
             such
             an
             Inundation
             of
             
               Harpies
               ,
               Ravens
               ,
               Vultures
            
             and
             Hawks
             ,
             about
             him
             .
             
               O!
               strange
               stupendious
               sight
               for
               
               Men
               to
               behold
               !
            
             and
             with
             a
             Cry
             able
             to
             procure
             an
             Earthquake
             ,
             they
             Approach
             the
             Plain
             ,
             and
             by
             and
             by
             their
             Wings
             Eclips
             the
             Sun
             ,
             and
             bring
             a
             Midnight
             over
             the
             whole
             Valley
             .
          
           
             Three
             times
             they
             flag
             about
             the
             Plain
             ,
             while
             the
             People
             pour
             out
             their
             very
             Bladders
             in
             Tears
             ,
             and
             all
             that
             is
             in
             their
             Bellies
             in
             hearty
             prayers
             to
             this
             Rout
             of
             Religious
             Birds
             .
          
           
             By
             this
             time
             General
             RVC
             ,
             the
             Leader
             of
             this
             Starved
             Regiment
             ,
             hath
             spied
             his
             Prey
             :
             For
             you
             must
             Note
             ,
             he
             out
             of
             all
             this
             
               Folio
               Catologue
            
             of
             Carcasses
             ,
             must
             chuse
             what
             pleaseth
             his
             Tooth
             first
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             suppose
             he
             take
             some
             five
             Elephants
             ,
             or
             half
             a
             score
             of
             Oxen
             ,
             he
             is
             to
             be
             first
             served
             ,
             and
             then
             every
             one
             to
             his
             shark
             ,
             
               Tag
               ,
               Rag
            
             ,
             and
             Longtail
             .
             Here
             you
             shall
             see
             one
             fly
             away
             with
             a
             Calf
             ,
             there
             another
             with
             a
             Lamb
             ;
             here
             one
             with
             a
             Boar
             ,
             and
             there
             another
             with
             a
             
             Swan
             ;
             every
             one
             fitting
             his
             Luggage
             to
             his
             strength
             :
             And
             thus
             with
             a
             Reverend
             applause
             of
             all
             the
             spectators
             ,
             they
             depart
             every
             one
             with
             his
             carriage
             ,
             and
             leaves
             the
             rest
             behind
             them
             .
          
           
             All
             which
             the
             people
             are
             bound
             in
             Conscience
             to
             make
             ready
             ,
             and
             eat
             up
             ere
             they
             depart
             ,
             whereby
             their
             Bellies
             are
             so
             overcram'd
             ,
             that
             they
             loath
             flesh
             forty
             dayes
             after
             ;
             During
             which
             space
             they
             live
             all
             upon
             Fish
             :
             This
             vacancy
             sharpens
             their
             Appetites
             ,
             to
             fall
             greedily
             to
             Flesh
             again
             at
             the
             time
             expired
             .
             As
             sure
             as
             Death
             ,
             the
             Pope
             had
             his
             Lent
             sent
             him
             out
             of
             this
             Country
             ,
             upon
             granting
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             some
             odd
             Indulgences
             ,
             or
             upon
             dispenceing
             with
             them
             for
             Ember-Weeks
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Laws
             of
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             .
          
           
             GVrmonds-Hall
             is
             a
             stately
             Structure
             Built
             in
             Orbicular
             
             form
             like
             a
             Theatre
             ,
             as
             well
             large
             and
             high
             as
             Beautiful
             ,
             set
             forth
             with
             fair
             Arched
             Windows
             ,
             whose
             Lights
             are
             of
             transparent
             Horn
             Curiously
             pannelled
             ;
             the
             Roof
             supported
             by
             Pillars
             ,
             which
             are
             of
             the
             Thigh
             Bones
             of
             Elephants
             ,
             very
             artificially
             cemented
             together
             ;
             and
             over
             the
             front
             of
             the
             Entrance
             ,
             are
             these
             Verses
             fairly
             Engraven
             in
             Letters
             of
             Gold.
             
          
           
             
               Let
               no
               Thin
               Jaws
               presume
               to
               pass
               this
               Stone
               ,
            
             
               The
               place
               is
               Sacred
               to
               the
               Plump
               alone
               .
            
          
           
             And
             within
             the
             Hall
             hangs
             a
             Table
             chained
             to
             a
             Pillar
             ,
             containing
             these
             Inviolable
             Laws
             .
          
           
             
               
                 
                   
                     I.
                     That
                     Eating
                     but
                     one
                     Meal
                     a
                     day
                     be
                     henceforth
                     held
                     for
                     A
                     Capital
                     Transgression
                     .
                  
                   
                     II.
                     He
                     that
                     overthrows
                     a
                     full
                     Dish
                     ,
                     or
                     Cup
                     Rashly
                     ,
                     shall
                     be
                     forthwith
                     by
                     This
                     Statute
                     ,
                     enjoyned
                     Standing
                     upright
                     on
                     his
                     Feet
                     ,
                     to
                     have
                     a
                     dish
                     of
                     Broth
                     set
                     between
                     his
                     heels
                     ,
                     which
                     he
                     must
                     eat
                     all
                     up
                     with
                     a
                     Thimble
                     .
                  
                   
                   
                     III.
                     That
                     none
                     Eat
                     alone
                     ,
                     nor
                     violate
                     the
                     Laws
                     of
                     the
                     Table
                     by
                     any
                     private
                     Suppers
                     ,
                     upon
                     pain
                     of
                     Eating
                     his
                     next
                     Meal
                     with
                     his
                     heels
                     upwards
                     .
                  
                   
                     IV.
                     That
                     if
                     the
                     Mouth
                     be
                     full
                     ,
                     it
                     shall
                     be
                     sufficient
                     to
                     answer
                     by
                     holding
                     up
                     the
                     finger
                     .
                  
                   
                     V.
                     That
                     breaking
                     Wind
                     ,
                     either
                     by
                     belching
                     or
                     otherwise
                     ,
                     be
                     held
                     not
                     only
                     Lawful
                     ,
                     but
                     Honourable
                     .
                  
                   
                     VI.
                     That
                     if
                     any
                     one
                     hold
                     his
                     breath
                     while
                     his
                     Belly
                     is
                     Measuring
                     ,
                     he
                     shall
                     be
                     forthwith
                     made
                     uncapable
                     of
                     Advancement
                     .
                  
                   
                     VII
                     .
                     That
                     no
                     Person
                     shall
                     leave
                     on
                     his
                     Trencher
                     or
                     Plate
                     ,
                     any
                     piece
                     of
                     meat
                     ,
                     under
                     pretence
                     it
                     is
                     too
                     fat
                     ,
                     or
                     will
                     overlay
                     his
                     Stomak
                     ,
                     under
                     the
                     penalty
                     of
                     being
                     punished
                     for
                     a
                     puny
                     ;
                     which
                     is
                     ,
                     that
                     he
                     make
                     his
                     next
                     Meal
                     at
                     a
                     Side
                     Board
                     ,
                     out
                     of
                     picking
                     the
                     Bones
                     that
                     remained
                     of
                     the
                     last
                     ,
                     and
                     this
                     in
                     the
                     sight
                     of
                     all
                     the
                     rest
                     ,
                     as
                     well
                     for
                     their
                     Sport
                     ,
                     as
                     that
                     it
                     may
                     be
                     a
                     warning
                     to
                     them
                     :
                     for
                     this
                     is
                     held
                     of
                     great
                     Disrepute
                     .
                  
                   
                   
                     VIII
                     .
                     That
                     a
                     Register
                     be
                     kept
                     of
                     all
                     Transgressors
                     from
                     time
                     to
                     time
                     ;
                     and
                     that
                     both
                     Guilt
                     and
                     Punishment
                     be
                     Recorded
                     ;
                     as
                     to
                     place
                     where
                     ,
                     and
                     time
                     when
                     ;
                     whose
                     Offences
                     may
                     remain
                     as
                     Badges
                     of
                     Disgrace
                     to
                     posterity
                     ,
                     and
                     of
                     Fame
                     ,
                     Credit
                     ,
                     and
                     Worthy
                     Commendations
                     ,
                     to
                     such
                     as
                     are
                     Loyal
                     and
                     obedient
                     Observers
                     of
                     the
                     Law.
                     
                  
                   
                     
                       Signed
                       All-Paunch
                       .
                    
                  
                
              
            
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Election
             of
             the
             Great
             DUKE
             .
          
           
             THere
             is
             a
             stately
             Palace
             built
             upon
             a
             narrow
             ledg
             of
             Land
             lying
             just
             between
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             and
             Drink-All-Main
             :
             It
             was
             built
             as
             their
             Antient
             Chronicles
             Report
             by
             a
             Gyant
             called
             All-Paunch
             ,
             who
             was
             of
             an
             incredible
             height
             of
             Body
             ,
             
               Pliny's
               Orestes
            
             :
             Or
             ,
             
               Plutarches
               Orian
            
             ,
             were
             but
             Dwarfs
             in
             comparison
             of
             this
             almighty
             All-Paunch
             ;
             
             suppose
             rather
             that
             you
             saw
             Antaeus
             ,
             that
             was
             Sixty
             Cubits
             high
             ,
             or
             him
             whose
             Carcass
             was
             digged
             up
             at
             Drepano
             ,
             whom
             the
             Symetrions
             judged
             by
             his
             Thigh-bone
             ,
             could
             be
             no
             less
             then
             two
             hundred
             Cubits
             high
             .
             This
             latter
             ,
             I
             suppose
             ,
             might
             be
             the
             Brother
             of
             All-Paunch
             .
          
           
             This
             All-Paunch
             was
             the
             first
             that
             by
             Conquest
             drave
             the
             Thrivonians
             out
             of
             this
             Land
             ,
             brought
             in
             a
             New
             People
             ,
             and
             gave
             them
             new
             Laws
             ,
             and
             his
             Soul
             they
             Imagine
             to
             be
             entred
             into
             that
             huge
             Bird
             RVC
             ,
             in
             which
             shape
             they
             do
             yearly
             adore
             him
             ,
             and
             have
             him
             in
             as
             great
             reverence
             as
             the
             Turks
             their
             Mahomet
             .
          
           
             He
             Lyeth
             Buried
             in
             the
             midst
             of
             the
             Pallace
             Court
             ,
             where
             for
             a
             sacred
             Memorial
             of
             him
             ,
             is
             a
             Statue
             Erected
             ,
             far
             higher
             than
             Lysippus
             his
             Brazen
             Colossus
             ,
             and
             upon
             the
             Bases
             thereof
             ,
             
               Like
               the
               English
               Inscription
               on
               the
            
             London
             Monument
             ,
             was
             this
             Epigraph
             fairly
             ingraven
             in
             Capital
             
             Characters
             ,
             in
             the
             Belly-All-Mic
             Tongue
             .
          
           
             I
             All-Paunch
             ,
             Duke
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             ,
             Lye
             here
             Entombed
             ,
             Dying
             a
             Lord
             ,
             a
             Victor
             ,
             a
             Prince
             ,
             a
             Deity
             .
             Let
             none
             pass
             by
             me
             Fasting
             ,
             nor
             name
             me
             Hungry
             ,
             nor
             salute
             me
             Sober
             :
             Be
             mine
             Heir
             he
             that
             can
             ,
             my
             Subject
             he
             that
             will
             ,
             Mine
             Enemy
             he
             that
             dare
             .
          
           
             This
             Dukedom
             is
             Elective
             ,
             their
             being
             four
             chief
             Linnages
             or
             Families
             that
             may
             stand
             for
             the
             Election
             ,
             which
             are
             the
             Treble-chins
             ,
             the
             Bacon-chops
             ,
             the
             Wool-sacks
             ,
             and
             the
             Tun-Bellies
             .
             The
             Nimble-chops
             have
             pretended
             a
             Tytle
             to
             their
             Right
             in
             the
             Election
             ,
             who
             after
             some
             Debates
             were
             cast
             ,
             so
             that
             they
             
             may
             not
             attain
             to
             it
             ,
             unless
             first
             by
             Adoption
             into
             one
             of
             those
             four
             Royal
             Families
             .
          
           
             Now
             this
             is
             the
             Order
             of
             the
             Election
             ,
             There
             is
             Yearly
             a
             Tilting
             ordained
             ,
             not
             with
             Spears
             ,
             but
             of
             Barrels
             .
             Whereunto
             every
             one
             comes
             Armed
             with
             his
             Teeth
             all
             new
             sharpned
             ,
             and
             too
             't
             they
             go
             ;
             where
             he
             that
             unhorses
             most
             meat
             ,
             and
             lifteth
             most
             measures
             of
             Wire
             out
             of
             their
             Pewter
             Sadles
             ,
             is
             Honoured
             with
             a
             Crown
             of
             clustred-Vines
             ,
             and
             Saluted
             by
             the
             Title
             of
             Lord
             High-Steward
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             ,
             the
             Dukes
             next
             Inferiour
             .
          
           
             The
             Tournament
             ended
             ,
             each
             one
             ariseth
             if
             he
             can
             ,
             and
             laying
             his
             hand
             on
             the
             sacred
             Tomb
             of
             dead-Duke
             All-Paunch
             ,
             taketh
             an
             Oath
             by
             the
             Deities
             of
             Bacchus
             ,
             and
             the
             Reverend
             All-Paunch
             ,
             to
             perform
             his
             Duty
             in
             the
             Election
             without
             partiallity
             .
          
           
           
             Then
             they
             depart
             to
             the
             Theatre
             ,
             and
             take
             their
             places
             to
             Behold
             the
             Ceremonies
             of
             the
             Election
             .
          
           
             And
             first
             cometh
             forth
             the
             new
             chosen
             Lord
             High-Steward
             ,
             bringing
             in
             his
             hand
             a
             Golden
             Girdle
             ,
             enchaced
             with
             Pearls
             ,
             Diamonds
             and
             Rubies
             :
             This
             they
             call
             the
             Sacred
             Belt
             of
             State
             ;
             then
             the
             last
             years
             Duke
             puts
             it
             on
             ,
             and
             taketh
             an
             exact
             Measure
             of
             his
             own
             Sowse-tub
             ;
             so
             do
             all
             the
             rest
             of
             the
             Nobility
             after
             him
             ,
             one
             after
             another
             ;
             and
             he
             that
             can
             set
             it
             on
             the
             Tenters
             without
             stretching
             of
             his
             belly
             ,
             or
             holding
             his
             breath
             (
             if
             it
             sit
             so
             stiff
             that
             it
             must
             needs
             be
             let
             out
             one
             hole
             more
             )
             he
             is
             the
             man
             that
             with
             loud
             Acclamations
             both
             of
             the
             Nobility
             ,
             and
             Mobile
             ,
             is
             proclaimed
             high
             Duke
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             .
             But
             if
             none
             exceed
             the
             Magnitude
             of
             the
             former
             Duke
             ,
             he
             holds
             his
             Monarchy
             till
             the
             next
             year
             ,
             or
             till
             anothers
             guts
             over-vote
             him
             by
             Pole.
             
          
           
           
             Then
             cometh
             his
             Cup-bearer
             ,
             and
             upon
             his
             knees
             presents
             him
             with
             a
             Silver
             Tankard
             of
             some
             dozen
             quarts
             ,
             and
             intreats
             his
             Grace
             to
             Drink
             a
             health
             to
             the
             People
             .
          
           
             Who
             taking
             it
             ,
             and
             lifting
             up
             the
             lid
             ,
             begins
             an
             Oration
             ,
             and
             taking
             a
             fresh
             Oath
             by
             St.
             All-Paunch
             ,
             declares
             that
             he
             will
             be
             a
             Bulwark
             to
             their
             Liberties
             ,
             a
             Drudg
             to
             their
             Business
             ;
             a
             Terror
             to
             their
             Enemies
             ;
             a
             Father
             to
             their
             desires
             ;
             and
             an
             Increaser
             and
             Inlarger
             of
             their
             Measures
             ;
             Denounceing
             himself
             a
             professed
             Enemy
             to
             Hunger
             ,
             and
             Thirst
             ,
             to
             sower
             Ale
             ,
             to
             Meagerness
             of
             Wine
             ,
             Beer
             ,
             and
             Bodies
             ,
             so
             long
             as
             he
             shall
             wear
             that
             Royal
             Belt
             ;
             protesting
             that
             none
             should
             Fast
             unpunished
             ,
             or
             be
             Drunk
             unrewarded
             .
          
           
             Then
             setting
             the
             Tankard
             to
             his
             mouth
             ,
             stole
             off
             the
             Liquor
             every
             drop
             ,
             save
             a
             little
             remainder
             which
             he
             was
             by
             custom
             to
             set
             upon
             his
             Thumbs
             Nail
             ,
             and
             lick
             it
             off
             ,
             and
             so
             he
             did
             ;
             then
             continuing
             his
             Oration
             ,
             
             said
             ,
             
               From
               the
               bottom
               of
               my
               Heart
               I
               do
               wish
               you
               continually
               drunken
               Heads
               ,
               full
               Bellies
               ,
               and
               fat
               Fortunes
               .
            
             Which
             ended
             ,
             the
             Audience
             bellow
             out
             their
             Aplause
             ,
             with
             long
             live
             
               Bowsing-gut-Wool-Sack
               ,
               Caesar
               Emperor
            
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             .
             At
             least
             a
             dozen
             times
             ,
             every
             time
             inter
             ecco'd
             with
             a
             Volley
             of
             Acclamations
             .
          
           
             Then
             the
             Lord
             High-Steward
             presents
             him
             with
             the
             Sword
             and
             Mace
             of
             the
             Government
             ,
             which
             are
             a
             great
             long
             Knife
             ,
             and
             a
             pretty
             Golden
             Tunn
             ,
             pronouncing
             according
             to
             custom
             ,
             these
             words
             ,
             
               Vse
               and
               Enjoy
            
             .
          
           
             But
             then
             for
             the
             Coronation
             Dinner
             and
             Supper
             ,
             O!
             Monstrous
             what
             piramids
             of
             Platters
             and
             Chargers
             !
             What
             Mountains
             of
             Flesh
             and
             Pastery
             !
             What
             Castles
             of
             Banquetry
             !
             And
             what
             Deluges
             of
             Wine
             ,
             Beer
             ,
             Ale
             ,
             and
             Brandy
             did
             I
             behold
             there
             !
             It
             is
             impossible
             to
             particularise
             ;
             only
             this
             I
             declare
             ,
             the
             Streets
             that
             Night
             were
             strewed
             so
             thick
             
             with
             Drunken
             Carkasses
             ,
             that
             't
             is
             my
             opinion
             there
             were
             never
             more
             Memories
             left
             in
             the
             Field
             ,
             of
             the
             greatest
             Massacre
             that
             ever
             this
             Modern
             Age
             was
             witness
             of
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Starvling
             Island
             :
             Or
             ,
             Hungerland
          
           
             VVE
             have
             almost
             lost
             the
             Remembrance
             of
             Starvling
             Island
             ;
             take
             it
             therefore
             now
             as
             a
             penance
             for
             your
             tedious
             abode
             in
             Eat-All-Main
             .
             It
             lyeth
             under
             three
             and
             thirty
             Degrees
             of
             Longitude
             ;
             and
             four
             and
             fifty
             of
             Latitude
             ,
             being
             on
             the
             North
             directly
             opposite
             to
             
               Cabo
               Bianco
            
             ;
             and
             on
             the
             South
             unto
             Filching-Fens
             .
             It
             is
             a
             Stony
             Barren
             ,
             Grasless
             ,
             Sandy
             Soyl.
             
          
           
             There
             are
             some
             Trees
             in
             it
             ,
             but
             they
             have
             no
             Bark
             left
             ;
             no
             Blossom
             nor
             Bud
             ;
             nay
             the
             Weed
             cannot
             find
             in
             its
             heart
             to
             make
             the
             smallest
             Residence
             in
             these
             quarters
             .
          
           
             The
             Lands
             Natural
             Barrenness
             affords
             no
             distinction
             either
             of
             
             Summer
             or
             Winter
             ;
             because
             the
             Inhabitants
             snap
             up
             their
             herbs
             as
             soon
             as
             ever
             they
             peep
             out
             of
             the
             ground
             .
          
           
             All
             that
             dwell
             in
             these
             parts
             are
             Exiles
             ,
             and
             their
             hew
             is
             naturally
             between
             a
             Pale
             and
             a
             Swarthy
             ,
             their
             Skins
             are
             crumpled
             like
             half
             burnt
             Parchment
             ,
             and
             puckerd
             like
             the
             hide
             of
             an
             Elephant
             .
             The
             alviewing
             Sun
             in
             all
             his
             Race
             never
             beheld
             such
             gastly
             Animals
             ;
             you
             would
             swear
             they
             were
             Anatomies
             cover'd
             over
             with
             fresh
             Skins
             .
          
           
             Here
             you
             shall
             have
             one
             laying
             a
             Plot
             how
             to
             intrap
             the
             Flies
             ,
             there
             another
             contriving
             a
             conspiracy
             against
             the
             Worms
             ;
             yonder
             another
             sit
             shaving
             the
             Earths
             new
             shorn
             Beard
             ,
             to
             discover
             the
             Roots
             of
             the
             ungrown
             Grass
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             a
             strange
             and
             fierce
             wild
             Beast
             Rangeth
             continually
             in
             the
             Nights
             all
             about
             the
             desarts
             of
             this
             Island
             ,
             which
             they
             call
             Empty-Maw
             ;
             it
             will
             keep
             such
             a
             terrible
             
             barking
             ,
             that
             it
             makes
             the
             hollow
             Ayr
             Eccho
             again
             ;
             and
             whosoever
             in
             this
             Island
             heareth
             it
             not
             bark
             once
             in
             twelve
             hours
             ,
             grows
             immediately
             Deaf
             ;
             but
             he
             that
             heareth
             it
             thrice
             in
             thirty
             six
             hours
             ,
             and
             giveth
             it
             nothing
             to
             devour
             ,
             ere
             twelve
             hours
             more
             be
             run
             ,
             dyeth
             immediately
             ,
             provided
             alwayes
             he
             can
             live
             no
             longer
             .
          
           
             Other
             Beasts
             I
             saw
             none
             in
             all
             this
             Island
             ,
             except
             a
             sort
             of
             Wolves
             ,
             and
             some
             Monkyes
             that
             had
             eaten
             off
             great
             part
             of
             their
             Tailes
             .
          
           
             Indeed
             I
             durst
             not
             make
             any
             long
             abode
             in
             so
             lean
             a
             Land
             ,
             I
             think
             it
             was
             no
             great
             Wisdom
             :
             What
             think
             you
             ?
          
           
             Thus
             far
             of
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             and
             the
             adjacent
             Isles
             ;
             now
             proceed
             we
             to
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             and
             so
             good
             night
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             the
             Second
             Province
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             .
          
           
             YOU
             cannot
             expect
             an
             exact
             Description
             of
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             for
             I
             durst
             not
             for
             my
             Ears
             enter
             into
             any
             City
             of
             the
             whole
             Province
             ,
             untill
             it
             was
             dark
             night
             ,
             that
             all
             the
             Citizens
             were
             wrap'd
             in
             Wine
             and
             warm
             Clouts
             ;
             And
             then
             how
             was
             't
             possible
             to
             discover
             any
             thing
             to
             purpose
             ?
             For
             to
             tell
             you
             the
             truth
             ,
             I
             feared
             the
             Burgomasters
             bounty
             ;
             it
             being
             their
             fashion
             ,
             as
             soon
             as
             any
             one
             sets
             a
             foot
             within
             the
             City-gate
             ,
             to
             give
             him
             I
             know
             not
             how
             many
             Lifts
             of
             Wine
             for
             his
             welcome
             ,
             receiving
             him
             in
             such
             Pomp
             ,
             and
             State
             ;
             and
             all
             out
             of
             the
             common
             Purse
             of
             the
             City
             :
             All
             which
             Folio
             Cups
             he
             must
             take
             off
             ,
             or
             else
             he
             is
             held
             an
             ungrateful
             ,
             unmannerly
             fellow
             .
             Nay
             ,
             which
             is
             worse
             ,
             a
             direct
             Foe
             to
             the
             common
             good
             of
             the
             City
             .
             Now
             I
             feared
             both
             this
             Honour
             ,
             and
             this
             Danger
             .
          
           
           
             This
             Province
             is
             somewhat
             larger
             than
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             being
             as
             broad
             ,
             or
             rather
             broader
             than
             both
             the
             Germanies
             .
          
           
             No
             Nation
             under
             the
             Cope
             of
             Heaven
             ,
             so
             fortunate
             ,
             nor
             so
             abounding
             in
             the
             delicate
             Juce
             of
             the
             Grape
             as
             this
             :
             The
             peculiar
             Wines
             of
             all
             our
             Europian
             Kingdomes
             are
             here
             ;
             the
             
               Germans
               Rhenish
            
             ,
             the
             
               Frenchmans
               White
            
             and
             Red
             ,
             the
             
               Spaniards
               Maligo
            
             ,
             and
             the
             Canaries
             purest
             Sack
             ;
             pshau
             ,
             they
             have
             all
             ,
             all
             to
             Excess
             .
          
           
             The
             Temperature
             of
             their
             bodies
             are
             different
             from
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             ,
             who
             delight
             in
             the
             qualities
             of
             heat
             and
             drought
             ;
             whereas
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             affect
             heat
             and
             moysture
             ;
             so
             that
             the
             bordering
             neighbours
             do
             jearingly
             call
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             Kitchen-Bellies
             ,
             and
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             Celerian-Bellies
             .
          
           
             As
             they
             are
             more
             ingenious
             than
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             ,
             so
             are
             they
             more
             Lascivious
             .
             In
             their
             youths
             they
             are
             generally
             quick-witted
             ;
             but
             being
             
             grown
             to
             a
             Graver
             Age
             ,
             especially
             Old
             Age
             ,
             they
             grow
             so
             forgetful
             ,
             that
             you
             shall
             not
             have
             one
             amongst
             Twenty
             that
             can
             remember
             his
             own
             name
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Shires
             of
             the
             Province
             of
             Drink-All-Main
             .
          
           
             THE
             whole
             Province
             is
             Divided
             into
             three
             Counties
             ,
             the
             County
             of
             Wine-cester
             ,
             the
             County
             of
             Vsquebah
             ,
             or
             Brandy-Bridg
             ,
             and
             the
             County
             of
             Hopsack-octun
             ,
             or
             Bru-Malta
             ,
             called
             by
             some
             Strong-Biera
             .
          
           
             Wine-cester
             is
             parted
             from
             Eat-All-Main
             ,
             on
             the
             West
             by
             the
             River
             Piss-On
             ,
             a
             salt
             Current
             that
             Ebbs
             and
             Flows
             ;
             which
             River
             runs
             round
             about
             the
             Dukes
             Pallace
             .
             The
             Philosophers
             of
             this
             Country
             affirm
             ,
             that
             it
             hath
             not
             its
             Saltness
             from
             the
             Sea
             ,
             but
             from
             an
             airy
             humor
             that
             often
             falls
             upon
             it
             .
          
           
             The
             first
             Town
             I
             came
             unto
             in
             this
             Region
             ,
             was
             called
             Vine-Spring
             .
             It
             is
             in
             form
             of
             a
             five
             angled
             Trencher
             ,
             
             whose
             Borders
             extend
             as
             far
             as
             Vine-Prop
             hills
             ;
             so
             that
             some
             of
             it
             became
             part
             of
             the
             Suburbs
             of
             Cluster-Beg
             ,
             a
             prety
             fine
             City
             wall'd
             about
             with
             Stones
             of
             the
             Colour
             of
             Brick
             ,
             but
             somwhat
             deeper
             of
             Dye
             .
             This
             City
             stands
             in
             the
             bottom
             of
             Pressing-Dale
             ,
             a
             Valley
             so
             called
             ;
             through
             which
             runs
             a
             delicate
             River
             called
             Juce
             ,
             which
             passeth
             along
             by
             three
             or
             four
             pretty
             Cities
             ,
             seated
             upon
             the
             the
             Banks
             thereof
             ,
             to
             the
             founders
             eternal
             commendations
             .
          
           
             Their
             names
             are
             ,
             first
             Tankards-Bridg
             ,
             next
             Tunning-Tree
             ,
             then
             Broaching-Ford
             ,
             and
             lastly
             Carousi-Kanikin
             .
          
           
             Tunning-Tree
             is
             fortified
             with
             a
             wall
             of
             wood
             ,
             and
             
               Broaching
               Ford
            
             hath
             never
             but
             one
             gate
             open
             at
             once
             ;
             and
             that
             when
             it
             is
             shut
             ,
             is
             made
             fast
             with
             nothing
             but
             the
             end
             of
             a
             Faggot
             stick
             .
             There
             is
             not
             in
             all
             the
             World
             any
             one
             River
             comparable
             to
             this
             ,
             which
             runs
             through
             these
             Cities
             ;
             for
             besides
             the
             pleasing
             
             meanders
             that
             it
             makes
             in
             its
             wanton
             course
             ;
             the
             water
             is
             so
             sweet
             and
             delicate
             ,
             that
             neither
             the
             best
             of
             Europes
             Wines
             ,
             nor
             the
             Turks
             delicious
             Zerbeth
             can
             possibly
             excell
             it
             .
          
           
             It
             hath
             but
             one
             peculiar
             Fish
             belonging
             to
             it
             called
             a
             Tap
             ,
             and
             this
             Fish
             will
             somtimes
             lye
             by
             the
             Shore
             ,
             and
             spout
             a
             huge
             deal
             of
             the
             water
             aloft
             ;
             and
             it
             is
             somewhat
             more
             pleasing
             in
             taste
             than
             before
             ,
             and
             this
             the
             Inhabitants
             watch
             for
             in
             Boats
             ;
             and
             when
             they
             get
             it
             ,
             make
             great
             store
             of
             it
             .
          
           
             This
             River
             ,
             as
             I
             told
             you
             ,
             passeth
             through
             Tunning-Tree
             :
             but
             hold
             ,
             I
             had
             forgotten
             one
             Town
             ,
             it
             goeth
             from
             thence
             to
             Celleridg
             ,
             ere
             it
             come
             to
             Broaching-Ford
             ,
             and
             so
             by
             Broaching-Ford
             passeth
             directly
             unto
             Carousi-Kanikin
             ,
             the
             prime
             City
             of
             the
             whole
             Province
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Description
             of
             Carousi-Kanikin
             the
             chief
             City
             of
             Drink-All-Main
             ,
             as
             also
             the
             Fashions
             ,
             and
             Manners
             of
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             .
          
           
             CArousi-Kanikin
             is
             a
             name
             ,
             I
             understand
             not
             farther
             then
             what
             light
             I
             have
             of
             it
             from
             the
             German
             tongue
             .
          
           
             The
             City
             is
             built
             upon
             a
             Hill
             ,
             and
             carrieth
             the
             form
             of
             a
             Tankard
             from
             what
             Quarter
             so
             ever
             you
             behold
             it
             .
          
           
             It
             is
             of
             Antient
             Renown
             ,
             and
             one
             of
             the
             best
             seated
             Ports
             for
             Traffique
             in
             all
             the
             whole
             Land.
             
          
           
             It
             is
             strongly
             fortified
             with
             Barricado's
             ,
             and
             Bulwarks
             built
             all
             of
             Barrels
             ,
             the
             Roofs
             also
             of
             the
             houses
             are
             tiled
             with
             the
             Boards
             of
             broken
             Casks
             .
          
           
             In
             the
             entrance
             of
             the
             gate
             is
             placed
             a
             double
             Cannon
             of
             Pewter
             ,
             charged
             to
             the
             Muzzel
             .
             This
             their
             
             Law
             Commands
             to
             be
             duly
             observed
             ;
             the
             Citizens
             call
             it
             the
             Flaggon
             of
             Hospitality
             ,
             and
             round
             about
             it
             are
             these
             words
             Engraven'd
             ,
             
               Aut
               Bibe
               Aut
               Abi
            
             ,
             drink
             or
             be
             packing
             ;
             and
             whosoever
             ariveth
             ,
             must
             either
             drink
             it
             all
             off
             ,
             or
             be
             carried
             before
             the
             Magistrate
             to
             Render
             an
             account
             of
             his
             Contumacy
             .
          
           
             But
             by
             chance
             ,
             I
             met
             with
             a
             Traveller
             who
             was
             bound
             to
             the
             City
             as
             will
             a
             I
             ;
             who
             being
             acquainted
             with
             their
             fashions
             ,
             brought
             me
             secretly
             by
             night
             into
             the
             Town
             ,
             and
             shew'd
             me
             such
             things
             as
             I
             should
             never
             have
             discovered
             of
             my self
             .
          
           
             The
             Fronts
             of
             their
             Buildings
             are
             so
             wholly
             hid
             with
             spreading
             Vines
             ,
             that
             had
             I
             not
             seen
             the
             Signs
             hang
             out
             on
             every
             side
             ,
             I
             should
             have
             sworn
             I
             had
             been
             in
             a
             Vineyard
             ,
             and
             not
             in
             a
             City
             :
             it
             is
             indeed
             a
             very
             pleasant
             Prospect
             .
          
           
           
             In
             the
             Market-place
             are
             all
             the
             Measures
             hung
             up
             in
             chains
             ,
             Sealed
             with
             the
             Dukes
             Stamp
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             go
             all
             naked
             ,
             but
             for
             a
             Wreath
             of
             Vines
             about
             their
             Fore-heads
             ;
             but
             their
             skins
             are
             all
             painted
             after
             the
             manner
             of
             the
             Ancient
             Picts
             ,
             every
             one
             after
             what
             form
             he
             pleases
             :
             you
             shall
             see
             some
             so
             perfectly
             painted
             like
             Flaggons
             ,
             that
             if
             one
             of
             them
             set
             but
             his
             Armes
             a
             Kimbo
             ,
             you
             wou'd
             swear
             it
             was
             a
             living
             Flaggon
             with
             two
             Handles
             :
             I
             saw
             one
             painted
             so
             directly
             in
             the
             shape
             of
             a
             Whale
             ,
             that
             when
             he
             Vomited
             ,
             no
             Man
             in
             the
             World
             ,
             but
             would
             have
             taken
             him
             for
             a
             live
             Whale
             Spewing
             up
             the
             Ocean
             .
          
           
             I
             had
             a
             great
             desire
             to
             see
             the
             manner
             of
             their
             Publick
             Feasts
             ,
             and
             not
             be
             seen
             by
             the
             Citizens
             ;
             and
             mine
             Host
             with
             much
             intreaty
             agreed
             to
             perform
             my
             Requests
             ,
             giving
             me
             withal
             certain
             Cautions
             of
             Danger
             ;
             and
             likewise
             informed
             
             me
             in
             some
             necessary
             Points
             of
             Behaviour
             ;
             So
             mine
             Host
             and
             I
             got
             us
             into
             the
             Town-Hall
             in
             the
             Evening
             un-espyed
             ,
             by
             and
             by
             came
             the
             Feasters
             ,
             and
             taking
             their
             places
             just
             as
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             did
             ,
             only
             these
             had
             less
             Meat
             ,
             and
             more
             Drink
             .
          
           
             At
             first
             they
             began
             a
             Sacrifice
             to
             Bacchus
             ,
             their
             general
             god
             ,
             whose
             Statue
             standeth
             at
             the
             upper
             end
             of
             the
             Table
             ,
             holding
             in
             his
             right
             Hand
             supported
             by
             his
             left
             ,
             a
             mighty
             Goblet
             :
             into
             this
             standing
             Cup
             ,
             the
             Master
             of
             the
             Ceremonies
             ,
             in
             the
             Name
             of
             the
             whole
             Company
             ,
             pours
             a
             Hogs-head
             of
             Wine
             (
             for
             it
             holds
             no
             less
             )
             which
             passeth
             in
             Pipes
             ,
             as
             through
             Veins
             into
             his
             Body
             ,
             and
             from
             thence
             he
             pisseth
             it
             ,
             till
             it
             be
             all
             out
             ;
             and
             this
             is
             the
             Hour-glass
             ,
             proportioning
             the
             continuance
             of
             the
             Feast
             ;
             for
             when
             he
             leaves
             pouring
             out
             ,
             they
             must
             all
             leave
             pouring
             in
             ,
             and
             that
             upon
             pain
             of
             Sacriledge
             .
          
           
           
             Then
             comes
             up
             a
             Service
             ;
             I
             protest
             at
             first
             sight
             ,
             I
             took
             it
             for
             a
             Dish
             of
             Shooing-Hornes
             ,
             but
             upon
             stricter
             Observation
             ,
             found
             they
             were
             Red-Herrings
             :
             There
             was
             also
             a
             Dish
             of
             Anchovis
             ,
             with
             Capers
             ,
             and
             Pickled-Cowcumbers
             ;
             and
             lastly
             ,
             a
             Westphalia-Gamon
             .
          
           
             Then
             begins
             the
             Full-pots
             to
             move
             about
             the
             Table
             ,
             and
             the
             empty
             ones
             against
             the
             Wall
             ;
             so
             that
             one
             could
             not
             possibly
             tell
             ,
             whether
             they
             were
             sooner
             fill'd
             to
             be
             emptied
             ,
             or
             emptied
             to
             be
             fill'd
             .
          
           
             Now
             ,
             when
             one
             of
             them
             will
             Drink
             to
             another
             ,
             he
             first
             Challengeth
             him
             with
             a
             Solemn
             Ceremonious
             Song
             :
             Then
             they
             joyn
             hands
             fast
             together
             ,
             and
             giving
             a
             sound
             shake
             ,
             the
             Challenger
             Advanceth
             his
             moistned
             Weapon
             ,
             and
             blowes
             it
             dry
             :
             he
             may
             puff
             a
             little
             ,
             but
             the
             Pot
             must
             be
             sure
             to
             be
             Discharged
             of
             its
             Liquor
             ,
             ere
             it
             be
             severed
             from
             his
             Gripe
             ;
             and
             then
             the
             other
             answers
             him
             at
             his
             own
             Weapon
             .
          
           
           
             Well
             ,
             the
             Seasoning
             Banquet
             being
             Devoured
             ,
             and
             the
             Cloath
             thrust
             up
             on
             a
             heap
             :
             The
             Master
             of
             the
             Ceremonys
             Cryeth
             ,
             Healths
             ,
             Three
             times
             ,
             with
             an
             Audable
             Voyce
             :
             And
             I
             supposing
             this
             had
             been
             a
             Summons
             to
             the
             breaking
             up
             of
             the
             Company
             ,
             began
             to
             be
             jogging
             ,
             till
             my
             Host
             pulling
             me
             by
             the
             Sleeve
             ,
             told
             me
             ,
             the
             Feast
             was
             hardly
             begun
             :
             Pray
             stay
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             and
             see
             the
             Conclusion
             ;
             don't
             you
             see
             how
             fast
             god
             
             Bacchus's
             Hour-glass
             Runs
             ?
             So
             I
             sate
             down
             again
             .
          
           
             Then
             steps
             me
             out
             one
             of
             the
             Company
             ,
             and
             taking
             off
             his
             Wreath
             ,
             down
             upon
             his
             Knees
             he
             falls
             ,
             (
             I
             thought
             he
             had
             been
             going
             to
             Prayers
             )
             and
             presently
             calls
             for
             a
             Quart.
             A
             Health
             quoth
             he
             to
             Great
             
               Bowsing-gut
               Wool-sack
               Duke
            
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             ,
             and
             presently
             the
             Pot
             stops
             his
             Breath
             ,
             he
             Drinks
             ,
             he
             Puffs
             ,
             he
             Belches
             ,
             he
             Talks
             ,
             untill
             within
             a
             while
             he
             had
             Gulped
             down
             as
             
             many
             Quarts
             as
             his
             Name
             had
             Letters
             in
             it
             :
             and
             when
             he
             had
             done
             ,
             falls
             a
             Spewing
             ,
             till
             all
             cry'd
             Twang
             again
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             they
             all
             follow
             in
             Order
             ,
             from
             the
             Highest
             to
             the
             Lowest
             ,
             each
             one
             with
             the
             same
             Pot
             ,
             Execution
             ,
             and
             Ejection
             ,
             proving
             himself
             thereby
             a
             Faithful
             Citizen
             ;
             this
             past
             ,
             up
             starts
             another
             with
             this
             Catch
             .
          
           
             
               A
               Health
               to
               thee
               ,
               and
               ev'ry
               Swain
               ,
            
             
               That
               Wisheth
               well
               to
               Drink-All-Main
               .
            
          
           
             Seasoning
             his
             Song
             with
             many
             a
             Goodly
             Belch
             ,
             and
             so
             down
             upon
             his
             Marrow-bones
             ,
             and
             up
             with
             the
             Pot
             hand
             smooth
             ,
             the
             Devil
             a
             Bone
             finds
             he
             in
             the
             Drink
             ;
             and
             after
             him
             they
             must
             all
             Follow
             ;
             wo
             be
             to
             him
             that
             Hangs
             an
             Ars.
             
          
           
             This
             Showre
             over-blown
             ,
             out
             steps
             a
             Third
             ,
             Advancing
             a
             quart
             of
             Plump
             Claret
             to
             the
             Health
             of
             all
             
             the
             Quagmirists
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             General
             Name
             of
             the
             Nobility
             of
             this
             Famous
             City
             of
             Carousi-Kanikin
             ;
             briefly
             after
             him
             they
             go
             ,
             and
             thus
             every
             man
             in
             Order
             brings
             in
             his
             Foundation
             of
             a
             new
             Round
             .
          
           
             Now
             every
             man
             having
             his
             Share
             ,
             they
             must
             each
             one
             in
             Order
             (
             Pox
             on
             't
             that
             Madded
             me
             )
             go
             play
             the
             Poet
             ,
             out
             of
             the
             Inspiration
             of
             Bacchus
             only
             ,
             every
             one
             Sings
             his
             own
             Song
             ;
             and
             instead
             of
             Harps
             ,
             they
             have
             their
             Knives
             and
             the
             quart
             Pots
             ,
             and
             truly
             they
             made
             fine
             Musick
             on
             't
             .
             One
             in
             his
             Song
             commends
             his
             Mistriss
             ,
             another
             the
             Goodness
             of
             the
             Wine
             ,
             a
             Third
             Relates
             all
             the
             Passages
             between
             him
             and
             his
             Wife
             at
             home
             ,
             another
             Rhimes
             all
             in
             Satyr
             against
             one
             that
             was
             not
             at
             this
             Drinking
             ,
             every
             one
             keeping
             Tyme
             with
             the
             Musick
             .
          
           
             While
             these
             Songs
             were
             Singing
             ,
             it
             was
             strange
             to
             see
             their
             several
             Postures
             ,
             and
             Behaviours
             ;
             you
             shall
             
             see
             one
             for
             pure
             Love
             weeping
             in
             his
             Fellows
             Bosom
             ,
             another
             sit
             kissing
             his
             Companion
             ,
             one
             in
             an
             Extasie
             of
             Laughter
             ,
             though
             himself
             knows
             not
             at
             what
             ,
             another
             down
             upon
             all
             four
             in
             Devotion
             to
             Bacchus
             ,
             another
             Arguing
             of
             Religion
             ,
             and
             matters
             of
             State
             ;
             and
             here
             in
             a
             Corner
             ,
             you
             shall
             have
             another
             sit
             Nodding
             ,
             and
             Slavering
             :
             'T
             would
             do
             a
             Blind
             mans
             heart
             good
             to
             see
             it
             .
             But
             all
             this
             while
             the
             Cup
             is
             not
             forgotten
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             the
             Hour-glass
             being
             run
             all
             out
             ,
             they
             Rise
             (
             if
             they
             can
             )
             and
             with
             wheeling
             Complements
             ,
             are
             taking
             Leave
             of
             each
             other
             .
          
           
             One
             thing
             my
             thought
             was
             very
             Observable
             ;
             they
             have
             certain
             Flamins
             ,
             who
             are
             Priests
             to
             Bacchus
             ,
             who
             frequent
             these
             Revelling
             Feasts
             ,
             they
             go
             Cloathed
             only
             in
             a
             Gown
             of
             Black
             ,
             girt
             about
             their
             Wastes
             ,
             with
             a
             Silken
             Cord
             ;
             and
             seeing
             these
             amongst
             the
             rest
             in
             motion
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             chuse
             but
             smile
             ;
             for
             their
             all
             
             black
             Bodies
             ,
             and
             shining
             
               Rubrick
               Faces
            
             ,
             seemed
             just
             like
             so
             many
             Charcoles
             lighted
             at
             one
             end
             ,
             dancing
             the
             Hay
             amongst
             the
             Reeling
             Multitude
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             but
             quoth
             I
             to
             mine
             Host
             ,
             how
             the
             Devil
             will
             they
             get
             all
             home
             now
             ?
             Fear
             nothing
             quoth
             he
             ,
             don't
             you
             see
             those
             Ropes
             there
             in
             the
             Court
             ,
             that
             are
             fastned
             to
             them
             Iron
             Rings
             ,
             Sir
             they
             have
             an
             Officer
             who
             is
             always
             kept
             Sober
             for
             the
             purpose
             ,
             he
             guids
             each
             person
             to
             his
             Ropes
             end
             ,
             the
             other
             end
             being
             fastned
             to
             the
             Door
             of
             each
             mans
             House
             ,
             these
             Ropes
             are
             as
             good
             to
             them
             ,
             as
             the
             Clue
             of
             Thread
             in
             Rosamonds
             Bower
             ,
             or
             Ariadnes
             that
             guided
             Theseus
             from
             the
             Labyrinth
             of
             Minotaur
             :
             very
             likely
             quoth
             I
             ,
             But
             what
             if
             an
             unhappy
             Wag
             should
             come
             in
             the
             mean
             time
             ,
             and
             tye
             the
             Ropes
             farther
             end
             to
             the
             wrong
             door
             ?
             Why
             ,
             do
             you
             think
             ,
             quoth
             he
             smiling
             ,
             that
             any
             are
             awake
             in
             this
             City
             in
             
             the
             Night
             ?
             Yet
             I
             have
             known
             it
             done
             ,
             and
             the
             men
             have
             gone
             to
             bed
             to
             other
             mens
             Wives
             ,
             who
             perhaps
             being
             as
             Drunk
             as
             they
             ,
             never
             discovers
             the
             matter
             till
             next
             day
             at
             noon
             ,
             and
             then
             ,
             that
             which
             they
             ignorantly
             committed
             ,
             they
             make
             a
             double
             sport
             of
             ,
             and
             is
             but
             the
             Preface
             to
             repeated
             Impressions
             .
             For
             it
             is
             a
             Principle
             here
             ,
             that
             a
             Drunken
             man
             can
             never
             Offend
             ,
             it
             being
             the
             Effects
             of
             Bacchus
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             They
             being
             gone
             ,
             mine
             Host
             and
             I
             broke
             off
             discourse
             ,
             and
             very
             privately
             sneak'd
             home
             to
             our
             Quarters
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Knights
             of
             the
             Golden-Tun
             ,
             and
             the
             Laws
             of
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             .
          
           
             IN
             the
             Town-Hall
             ,
             properly
             called
             Gulpers-Court
             ,
             hangeth
             the
             Golden-Tun
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             Antient
             Emblem
             of
             the
             Knights
             of
             that
             Order
             .
          
           
             He
             that
             can
             drink
             this
             Vessel
             
             Thrice
             off
             ,
             and
             go
             his
             way
             without
             Indenting
             ,
             for
             his
             Good
             Service
             is
             presently
             Knighted
             by
             the
             Great
             Duke
             ,
             and
             hath
             a
             Chain
             of
             Extraordinary
             Value
             bestowed
             upon
             him
             .
          
           
             These
             Knights
             have
             a
             large
             Charter
             ,
             and
             are
             allowed
             many
             goodly
             Priviledges
             ;
             they
             bear
             absolute
             Command
             in
             all
             Taverns
             and
             Ale-Houses
             ,
             as
             also
             at
             all
             publique
             Revels
             ,
             and
             are
             allow'd
             to
             Furnish
             so
             many
             Souldiers
             in
             
               Pewter
               Jackets
            
             ,
             out
             of
             any
             mans
             Celler
             in
             the
             Town
             .
          
           
             These
             hardy
             men
             have
             great
             Conflicts
             at
             every
             publick
             Meeting
             ,
             their
             Weapons
             are
             full
             charg'd
             Cups
             ,
             and
             he
             that
             carrieth
             most
             of
             them
             away
             clear
             ,
             is
             Conqueror
             ,
             and
             leads
             the
             rest
             about
             the
             Town
             (
             if
             they
             can
             go
             )
             in
             Triumph
             ;
             and
             by
             this
             Tryal
             ,
             they
             prove
             who
             is
             the
             Victor
             ,
             if
             he
             can
             put
             his
             Finger
             into
             the
             Flame
             of
             the
             Candle
             ,
             without
             playing
             hit
             I
             ,
             miss
             I
             ,
             let
             him
             Spew
             whole
             Fish-ponds
             is
             held
             a
             Sober
             
             man
             ,
             and
             wears
             the
             Wreath
             of
             Conquest
             for
             that
             day
             .
          
           
             Over
             the
             enterance
             of
             Gulpers-Court
             is
             Engraved
             this
             Couplet
             in
             the
             Belly-All-mic
             Tongue
             .
          
           
             
               The
               House
               of
               youthful
               Mirth
               ,
               and
               Lusty
               Cheer
               ,
            
             
               Peace
               ,
               Wine
               ,
               Sport
               ,
               Rest
               ,
               have
               all
               their
               Mansions
               here
               .
            
          
           
             Upon
             the
             two
             heads
             of
             the
             
               Golden
               Tun
            
             ,
             in
             a
             fair
             Character
             is
             written
             some
             of
             the
             Principal
             Laws
             of
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             ,
             which
             I
             carefully
             Coppied
             .
          
           
             
               
                 
                   
                     I.
                     That
                     all
                     Promises
                     ,
                     Bills
                     ,
                     Bonds
                     ,
                     Indentures
                     ,
                     Bargains
                     ,
                     or
                     any
                     other
                     Conveyances
                     whatsoever
                     ,
                     made
                     ,
                     or
                     caused
                     to
                     be
                     made
                     in
                     the
                     Afternoon
                     ,
                     shall
                     be
                     utterly
                     void
                     and
                     of
                     no
                     Effect
                     .
                  
                   
                     II.
                     That
                     if
                     any
                     one
                     cast
                     away
                     any
                     Liquor
                     ,
                     or
                     Bottom
                     ,
                     which
                     is
                     called
                     a
                     Snuff
                     ,
                     he
                     shall
                     be
                     forthwith
                     enjoyned
                     to
                     lye
                     flat
                     upon
                     the
                     ground
                     ,
                     and
                     snuff
                     up
                     the
                     same
                     into
                     his
                     Nostrils
                     .
                  
                   
                     III.
                     That
                     every
                     one
                     pledg
                     his
                     Challenger
                     in
                     the
                     same
                     Cup
                     ,
                     and
                     after
                     the
                     same
                     fashion
                     ,
                     upon
                     pain
                     of
                     drinking
                     
                     the
                     quantity
                     double
                     out
                     of
                     a
                     pispot
                     .
                  
                   
                     IV.
                     That
                     the
                     pots
                     be
                     either
                     always
                     full
                     or
                     empty
                     ,
                     for
                     the
                     Waiter
                     that
                     presents
                     a
                     pot
                     half
                     filled
                     ,
                     and
                     the
                     Person
                     that
                     takes
                     it
                     ,
                     shall
                     be
                     both
                     guilty
                     of
                     the
                     breach
                     of
                     good
                     fellowship
                     .
                  
                   
                     V.
                     That
                     he
                     that
                     being
                     sober
                     shall
                     strike
                     him
                     that
                     is
                     drunk
                     ;
                     shall
                     be
                     thenceforth
                     disabled
                     for
                     giving
                     Testimony
                     in
                     any
                     cause
                     whatsoever
                     ,
                     but
                     the
                     drunken
                     man
                     striking
                     the
                     sober
                     shall
                     be
                     acquitted
                     .
                  
                   
                     VI.
                     That
                     he
                     that
                     goeth
                     from
                     any
                     publick
                     Meeting
                     without
                     staggering
                     ,
                     shall
                     be
                     accounted
                     a
                     Malefactor
                     ,
                     in
                     a
                     high
                     degree
                     ;
                     and
                     if
                     it
                     be
                     made
                     appear
                     that
                     he
                     counterfeiteth
                     Reeling
                     ,
                     thereby
                     to
                     avoid
                     the
                     disgrace
                     ,
                     he
                     shall
                     be
                     proceeded
                     against
                     as
                     a
                     Traytor
                     to
                     the
                     Laws
                     of
                     All-Paunch
                     .
                  
                   
                     VII
                     .
                     That
                     all
                     that
                     stay
                     three
                     daies
                     in
                     this
                     City
                     of
                     Carousi-kanikin
                     ,
                     do
                     offer
                     Sacrifice
                     to
                     Bacchus
                     .
                  
                   
                     VIII
                     .
                     That
                     he
                     that
                     mixeth
                     Water
                     with
                     his
                     Wine
                     ,
                     shall
                     be
                     forthwith
                     obliged
                     to
                     Drink
                     a
                     brimmer
                     of
                     Hoggwash
                     .
                  
                   
                   
                     IX
                     .
                     That
                     he
                     that
                     striketh
                     with
                     a
                     Pot
                     ,
                     be
                     injoyned
                     to
                     have
                     his
                     hands
                     Tyed
                     behind
                     him
                     ,
                     and
                     take
                     up
                     every
                     Cup
                     that
                     comes
                     to
                     his
                     turn
                     in
                     his
                     Teeth
                     ,
                     during
                     the
                     continuance
                     of
                     the
                     Banquet
                     .
                  
                   
                     
                       Subscribed
                       Stil-Yard
                       .
                    
                  
                
              
            
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Arts
             ,
             and
             Millitary
             Disciplines
             of
             the
             Drink-All-Mains
             .
          
           
             THe
             People
             of
             this
             Province
             are
             almost
             all
             blear-ey'd
             ,
             and
             troubled
             with
             the
             Palsie
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             some
             Poets
             among
             them
             whom
             they
             never
             Crown
             with
             Lawrel
             (
             because
             that
             Tree
             is
             a
             foe
             to
             the
             Vine
             )
             but
             with
             Ivie
             :
             these
             are
             the
             very
             Offscum
             of
             the
             
               Rascally
               Rabble
            
             ,
             the
             veryest
             Lack-Latins
             ,
             and
             most
             
               Vnalphabetical
               Raggabashes
            
             ,
             that
             ever
             bred
             Louse
             ,
             living
             only
             by
             other
             mens
             Trenchers
             .
          
           
             These
             fill
             all
             the
             Taverns
             in
             Town
             with
             
               Epigrams
               ,
               Elegies
            
             ,
             and
             
             Epitaphs
             ,
             which
             would
             make
             ones
             Ears
             Blister
             to
             hear
             them
             :
             They
             have
             had
             but
             one
             good
             Poet
             this
             Twenty
             Years
             ,
             and
             his
             Tallent
             lyes
             in
             Drollery
             ;
             but
             for
             the
             most
             part
             Prose
             ,
             who
             is
             an
             excellent
             Observator
             of
             the
             Times
             ,
             and
             Seasons
             ,
             and
             can
             with
             much
             Facility
             Convert
             all
             Occurrences
             to
             Comedy
             ,
             and
             represent
             all
             Comedy
             in
             the
             morose
             habit
             of
             Tragedy
             .
             These
             Poets
             have
             the
             same
             sway
             over
             the
             Ballad
             Makers
             ,
             as
             the
             Knights
             of
             the
             Tunn
             have
             over
             the
             barrells
             .
          
           
             The
             Drink-All-Mains
             go
             often
             to
             War
             in
             Assistance
             of
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             ;
             but
             they
             never
             go
             armed
             ,
             no
             not
             so
             much
             as
             with
             a
             Shirt
             on
             their
             backs
             ,
             their
             Lances
             are
             saplings
             of
             Elmes
             ,
             sharpned
             and
             hardned
             at
             the
             Spires
             in
             the
             Fire
             ;
             one
             would
             swear
             in
             beholding
             them
             at
             a
             distance
             ,
             they
             were
             a
             moving
             Hop-garden
             ;
             but
             notwithstanding
             (
             for
             stand
             well
             they
             cannot
             )
             't
             is
             admirable
             to
             see
             both
             their
             Valour
             in
             Fight
             ,
             and
             Fortune
             in
             Conquest
             .
          
           
           
             They
             have
             a
             Law
             that
             none
             must
             go
             sober
             to
             the
             Field
             ;
             so
             that
             Wine
             maketh
             them
             as
             Bold
             as
             Lyons
             ,
             
               Audaces
               fortuna
               Juvat
            
             ,
             fortune
             helps
             the
             forward
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Funerals
             of
             one
             the
             Chief
             Quagmirist's
             .
          
           
             ONe
             of
             the
             Quagmirist's
             whose
             House
             was
             of
             some
             height
             ,
             being
             loose
             in
             the
             hilts
             ,
             and
             intending
             to
             go
             where
             neither
             Pope
             nor
             Emperour
             can
             send
             an
             Embassador
             ,
             being
             throughly
             tap-shackled
             ,
             mistook
             the
             Window
             for
             the
             door
             ,
             and
             steping
             rashly
             on
             ,
             down
             he
             came
             with
             the
             wrong
             end
             forward
             ,
             and
             in
             plain
             English
             broke
             his
             Neck
             .
          
           
             His
             Funerals
             was
             very
             richly
             set
             forth
             ;
             I
             can
             tell
             ,
             for
             I
             was
             there
             ;
             every
             man
             was
             painted
             over
             with
             black
             for
             that
             day
             ,
             and
             wore
             a
             Cypress
             wreath
             instead
             of
             his
             Vines
             .
             The
             Body
             was
             not
             laid
             in
             a
             Coffin
             ,
             but
             put
             into
             a
             Cask
             half
             full
             of
             Wine
             ,
             and
             so
             Boarn
             to
             the
             Grave
             ,
             
             and
             rouled
             in
             rather
             to
             a
             Cistern
             of
             Sack
             ,
             than
             a
             Grave
             of
             Earth
             ;
             and
             was
             rather
             drown'd
             ,
             than
             buried
             ;
             each
             one
             having
             instead
             of
             Rosemary
             ,
             a
             Kan
             of
             Wine
             his
             hand
             ,
             which
             they
             threw
             into
             the
             Grave
             ,
             Kan
             an
             all
             ;
             and
             taking
             their
             leaves
             in
             these
             Words
             ,
             thrice
             repeated
             ,
             
               Adieu
               sweet
               Corpulent
               Country-man
            
             :
             and
             instead
             of
             putting
             finger
             in
             Eye
             ,
             each
             thrusts
             his
             finger
             into
             his
             Mouth
             ,
             and
             disgorges
             ,
             instead
             of
             tears
             some
             Quarts
             :
             Then
             hand
             in
             hand
             to
             the
             Tavern
             they
             go
             to
             drink
             his
             Remembrance
             .
          
           
             This
             Quagmirist
             it
             seems
             was
             well
             esteemed
             amongst
             them
             ,
             for
             he
             had
             a
             Statue
             erected
             in
             Bacchus
             Court
             ,
             and
             under
             it
             these
             two
             Verses
             in
             the
             Belly-All-Mic
             Tongue
             .
          
           
             
               Though
               he
               mistook
               his
               Window
               for
               his
               Door
               ,
            
             
               His
               Valiant
               Death
               shall
               make
               his
               Honour
               more
               .
            
          
           
             Now
             I
             had
             staid
             two
             dayes
             in
             this
             City
             ,
             without
             being
             demanded
             what
             I
             was
             ;
             but
             then
             mine
             Host
             came
             and
             told
             me
             ,
             if
             I
             staid
             one
             
             day
             longer
             ,
             I
             must
             prepare
             my self
             to
             Sacrifice
             to
             Bacchus
             :
             For
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               I
               must
               not
               conceal
               you
               any
               longer
               ,
               unless
               you
               would
               have
               me
               forsworn
               .
               
                 No
                 quoth
                 I
              
               ,
               pray
               tell
               me
               then
               the
               Custom
               and
               I
               le
            
             either
             perform
             it
             ,
             and
             stay
             longer
             ,
             or
             get
             me
             gon
             presently
             ,
             and
             rid
             us
             both
             from
             danger
             .
          
           
             
               Well
               Sir
               ,
               quoth
               he
               ,
               saw
               you
               not
               the
               Statue
               of
               Bacchus
               yesterday
               in
               Gulpers-Court
               ?
               And
               the
               great
               Goblet
               he
               holdeth
               ,
               wherein
               they
               poured
               the
               Wine
               that
               issued
               from
               his
               Yard
               ?
               Yes
               that
               I
               did
               ,
               said
               I.
               Well
               then
               ,
               quoth
               he
               ,
               you
               must
               set
               your
               Mouth
               to
               this
               Tap
               ,
               and
               suck
               till
               you
               be
               able
               to
               stand
               no
               longer
               ,
               but
               fall
               flat
               to
               the
               ground
               ,
               and
               so
               must
               you
               lie
               under
               the
               Spout
               till
               all
               be
               run
               out
               upon
               you
               :
               How
               like
               you
               this
               ?
               Faith
               not
               altogether
               so
               delightful
               qnoth
               I
               ;
               But
               pray
               tell
               me
               ,
               was
               there
               ever
               any
               Strangers
               that
               offered
               this
               Sacrifice
               ?
               All
               ,
               All
               ,
               quoth
               he
               ,
               not
               a
               man
               escapes
               it
               :
               
               Too
               't
               he
               must
               in
               spite
               of
               his
               nose
               :
               some
               will
               come
               willingly
               ,
               but
               others
               are
               fain
               to
               be
               hailed
               to
               their
               Teat
               ,
               like
               a
               Bear
               to
               the
               Stake
               .
               Well
               Sir
               quoth
               I
               ,
               but
               I
               le
               be
               jogging
               ,
               only
               I
               intreat
               you
               to
               inform
               me
               what
               Country
               in
               this
               Tract
               is
               next
               in
               Dignity
               to
               this
               of
               yours
               ,
               and
               worthiest
               of
               a
               Travellers
               observation
               ;
               and
               he
               told
               me
               Brandy-Burgh
               ,
               by
               some
               called
               ,
               Liquor-Ardence
               ,
               it
               is
               under
               the
               Government
               of
               Sir
               Limbeck-Stilletory
               ,
               a
               Knight
               of
               the
               Noble
               Family
               of
               King
               Cups
               so
               leading
               me
               forth
               ,
               shewed
               me
            
             ;
             the
             way
             as
             plain
             as
             Dunstable-Road
             ;
             and
             then
             courteously
             gave
             me
             the
             
               Basio
               Les
               Manos
            
             ;
             and
             I
             thanked
             him
             heartily
             for
             his
             Valiendo
             ,
             and
             parted
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Brandy-burgh
             ,
             or
             Liquor-Ardens
             ,
             and
             of
             the
             Pilgrimage
             of
             St.
             Brochio
             .
          
           
             ALl
             alone
             I
             took
             my
             way
             toward
             the
             North
             ,
             leaving
             the
             River
             Forth
             behind
             me
             ,
             untill
             I
             came
             to
             Spews-bury
             ,
             the
             filthiest
             Town
             that
             ever
             I
             saw
             since
             my
             Mother
             bound
             my
             head
             ;
             I
             staid
             not
             long
             there
             (
             I
             had
             not
             need
             )
             but
             passed
             on
             ,
             till
             I
             came
             to
             Coopers-Norton
             ,
             a
             pretty
             well
             seated
             Village
             ,
             but
             not
             a
             drop
             of
             Water
             was
             to
             be
             got
             in
             it
             ,
             for
             Love
             nor
             Mony.
             The
             Reason
             is
             (
             as
             I
             heard
             afterwards
             )
             lest
             they
             should
             mix
             it
             with
             the
             Wine
             ,
             and
             so
             prove
             bad
             Common-VVealths
             men
             .
          
           
             I
             was
             as
             much
             troubled
             with
             Pots
             and
             Flaggons
             in
             my
             Journey
             ,
             as
             a
             Traveller
             in
             Spain
             or
             Italy
             is
             with
             Crosses
             ;
             I
             could
             not
             go
             two
             Miles
             to
             an
             end
             ,
             but
             I
             should
             find
             a
             bouncing
             Tankard
             kennell'd
             
             under
             an
             Arch
             ;
             and
             Drink
             I
             must
             ,
             no
             gain-saying
             the
             Laws
             .
          
           
             At
             last
             I
             overtook
             a
             Traveller
             in
             a
             Tatter'd
             Cassock
             of
             Haircloath
             ,
             Bare-Foot
             and
             bare-Headed
             ,
             and
             demanding
             whither
             he
             Travell'd
             ;
             Sir
             quoth
             he
             ,
             on
             Pilgrimage
             to
             St.
             Brochio
             of
             Bottles-brook
             :
             I
             questioned
             him
             at
             large
             of
             the
             Towns
             Scituation
             and
             Discipline
             ,
             and
             also
             of
             the
             Virtues
             of
             this
             St.
             Brochio
             .
             (
             Quoth
             he
             )
             Bottles-brook
             is
             seated
             in
             the
             Confines
             of
             Brandy-burgh
             ,
             in
             the
             Town
             is
             a
             Temple
             of
             Bacchus-Fiery-Face
             .
             They
             call
             it
             
               Chappel
               Ardent
            
             .
             The
             top
             of
             this
             Temple
             is
             all
             set
             with
             Carbuncles
             and
             sparkling
             Diamonds
             ,
             and
             Rubies
             very
             Rich
             to
             behold
             :
             And
             from
             the
             Embowed
             Arch
             there
             drops
             (
             they
             say
             )
             a
             king
             of
             hot
             Fuming
             Liquor
             ,
             which
             is
             received
             into
             a
             Vessel
             placed
             for
             that
             purpose
             ,
             whose
             Virtue
             is
             such
             ,
             that
             if
             one
             drink
             a
             large
             Draught
             of
             it
             with
             good
             Devotion
             ,
             he
             shall
             never
             after
             either
             
             be
             Drunk
             before
             Noon
             ,
             or
             Thirst
             before
             Midnight
             ;
             both
             which
             helps
             may
             do
             me
             much
             good
             ,
             for
             I
             am
             a
             man
             so
             imployed
             in
             my
             Country
             ,
             that
             I
             can
             never
             lye
             in
             my
             Bed
             till
             Midnight
             for
             Thirst
             ,
             nor
             never
             Rise
             in
             the
             Morning
             ;
             but
             before
             Noon
             ,
             I
             am
             Drunk
             and
             fast
             asleep
             again
             :
             therefore
             have
             I
             gone
             these
             three
             days
             without
             Drinking
             ,
             because
             I
             would
             merit
             the
             more
             of
             this
             Holy
             Saint
             ,
             when
             I
             come
             there
             :
             nor
             dares
             any
             importune
             me
             to
             Drink
             ,
             or
             any
             in
             my
             company
             as
             long
             as
             I
             wear
             this
             Weed
             .
          
           
             I
             was
             glad
             of
             so
             good
             a
             Priviledge
             ,
             and
             intreated
             his
             Company
             and
             Patronage
             .
             VVell
             ,
             we
             went
             Chatting
             on
             ,
             untill
             I
             observing
             the
             Soyl
             altered
             ,
             asked
             where
             we
             were
             now
             ?
          
           
             This
             Country
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             ever
             since
             we
             came
             over
             the
             Lake-Metheglin
             ,
             is
             called
             the
             County
             of
             Vsquebah
             ,
             being
             the
             first
             Shire
             of
             Brandy-burgh
             ;
             it
             is
             not
             so
             well
             Husbanded
             ,
             
             yet
             is
             more
             fertil
             than
             our
             County
             of
             Wine-cester
             ,
             both
             in
             Fatness
             of
             Soil
             ,
             and
             pureness
             of
             Ayr
             ;
             the
             People
             of
             this
             Nation
             are
             generally
             Slovenly
             ,
             and
             of
             a
             Fierce
             and
             Terrible
             Aspect
             ,
             yet
             they
             used
             us
             very
             kindly
             ;
             we
             lodg'd
             in
             a
             little
             City
             ,
             (
             I
             have
             forgot
             the
             Name
             of
             it
             )
             very
             quietly
             ,
             for
             we
             found
             almost
             all
             the
             Town
             dead
             Drunk
             ,
             at
             our
             coming
             ;
             and
             left
             them
             so
             at
             our
             parting
             .
          
           
             And
             next
             day
             Travelling
             through
             many
             Craggy
             ,
             Fenny
             ,
             Woody
             passages
             ,
             we
             arrived
             at
             a
             Famous
             Port-Town
             called
             ,
             
               Aqua
               Fort
            
             :
             (
             Now
             quoth
             I
             )
             being
             as
             weary
             as
             a
             Dog
             ,
             is
             not
             this
             Bottles-brook
             ?
             No
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             but
             chear
             up
             ,
             for
             we
             go
             not
             a
             Foot
             more
             by
             Land
             ,
             all
             the
             rest
             of
             our
             Journey
             is
             by
             VVater
             .
          
           
             VVell
             ,
             to
             Ship
             we
             went
             ,
             and
             by
             this
             time
             imagine
             us
             Lanched
             into
             the
             Main
             Ocean
             ;
             but
             what
             an
             eminent
             Danger
             ,
             think
             you
             we
             escaped
             there
             ?
             Our
             Marriners
             were
             
             all
             as
             drunk
             as
             Wheelbarrows
             ,
             not
             a
             man
             could
             guide
             himself
             ,
             one
             was
             asleep
             at
             the
             Helm
             ,
             another
             going
             about
             to
             Row
             ,
             fell
             overboard
             ;
             whom
             two
             more
             seeking
             to
             hall
             up
             again
             ,
             had
             not
             we
             two
             held
             them
             ,
             had
             both
             fallen
             after
             ;
             a
             third
             quarrels
             and
             layes
             a
             fourth
             over
             the
             Pate
             for
             not
             helping
             his
             fellow
             ,
             he
             strikes
             again
             ,
             and
             too
             't
             they
             go
             ,
             fight
             Dog
             ,
             fight
             Bear
             :
             All
             the
             rest
             divided
             themselves
             into
             two
             partyes
             ;
             now
             flew
             the
             ponderous
             Oars
             about
             their
             Ears
             ,
             and
             hand
             Spikes
             and
             Pump-staves
             .
             The
             water
             was
             quiet
             ,
             and
             every
             one
             used
             his
             Oar
             in
             the
             Air
             ;
             but
             indeed
             they
             were
             easily
             knocked
             down
             ,
             whose
             
               hamstrings
               Bacchus
            
             had
             already
             cut
             in
             two
             ,
             only
             two
             stood
             Conquerors
             ,
             who
             being
             too
             weary
             of
             the
             Massacree
             fell
             upon
             us
             ;
             but
             we
             scorning
             to
             be
             put
             down
             by
             a
             couple
             of
             walking
             Tankards
             ,
             got
             up
             a
             Brace
             of
             Cudgels
             ,
             disarm'd
             them
             ,
             bound
             them
             fast
             to
             the
             Mast
             ,
             and
             play'd
             the
             Sailors
             our Selves
             ;
             
             but
             our
             Vessel
             sympathizing
             with
             her
             Antient
             Masters
             ,
             did
             so
             reel
             from
             side
             to
             side
             ,
             that
             had
             not
             a
             brisk
             gale
             sprung
             us
             forward
             ,
             we
             had
             laid
             our
             Bones
             in
             the
             Bottom
             of
             those
             Seas
             .
          
           
             As
             we
             passed
             on
             ,
             I
             descried
             as-far
             off
             a
             high
             smoaking
             Land
             ,
             and
             enquiring
             of
             my
             Fellow
             Traveller
             how
             it
             was
             called
             :
             
               That
               Smoak
            
             quoth
             he
             
               comes
               out
               of
               Mount
            
             Dennis
             ,
             
               wherein
               the
               Souls
               of
               such
               as
               lived
               too
               sober
               ,
               are
               purified
               by
               Fire
               ,
               until
               some
               of
               their
               Living-Friends
               go
               on
               Pilgrimage
               to
            
             Chappel-Ardent
             
               for
               a
               Bottle
               of
               St.
            
             Brochio's
             
               Liquor
               ,
               and
               powring
               it
               upon
               their
               Tombs
               they
               are
               freed
               .
            
             I
             smiled
             at
             this
             ,
             and
             thought
             now
             sure
             I
             have
             found
             the
             Original
             of
             Purgatory
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             by
             that
             time
             our
             Sailers
             were
             sober
             ,
             our
             Ship
             became
             drunk
             ;
             for
             we
             sustained
             a
             most
             Terrible
             Tempest
             ,
             which
             lasted
             all
             night
             in
             most
             violent
             manner
             ;
             but
             growing
             somewhat
             calmer
             with
             the
             dayes
             
             approach
             ,
             we
             with
             comfort
             had
             the
             prospect
             of
             our
             desired
             Port
             ,
             which
             in
             little
             time
             (
             though
             with
             great
             difficulty
             )
             we
             attained
             ;
             I
             was
             cold
             and
             faint
             ,
             and
             the
             motion
             of
             the
             Ship
             had
             so
             jumbled
             my
             brains
             together
             ,
             that
             my
             head
             seem'd
             to
             turn
             round
             upon
             my
             shoulders
             ,
             as
             if
             it
             had
             been
             set
             on
             with
             a
             Swivel
             :
             I
             wished
             heartily
             for
             a
             Dram
             of
             Dr.
             Stephens
             ,
             and
             entering
             the
             first
             door
             I
             found
             open
             ,
             got
             such
             refreshment
             as
             the
             Country
             afforded
             ,
             and
             whilest
             I
             was
             thus
             recruiting
             my
             Spirits
             ,
             my
             fellow
             Traveller
             seeing
             a
             sheet
             or
             Writing
             Paper
             lye
             on
             the
             Counter
             ,
             exercised
             his
             skill
             in
             Poetry
             ,
             expressing
             the
             Terror
             of
             the
             late
             Storm
             ;
             at
             which
             I
             was
             very
             well
             pleased
             and
             therefore
             took
             a
             Copy
             ,
             which
             take
             you
             as
             freely
             .
          
           
             
               All
               Round
               the
               Horizon
               Black
               Clouds
               appear
               ,
            
             
               A
               Storm
               is
               near
               .
            
             
               Darkness
               Eclipseth
               the
               scerener
               Sky
               ,
            
             
               The
               Winds
               grow
               high
               .
            
             
             
               Making
               the
               surface
               of
               the
               Ocean
               show
               ,
            
             
               Like
               Mountains
               lofty
               ,
               and
               like
               Vallies
               low
               .
            
          
           
             
               The
               weighty
               Seas
               are
               rouled
               from
               the
               Deeps
               ,
            
             
               In
               Mighty
               heaps
               .
            
             
               And
               from
               the
               Rocks
               Foundations
               do
               arise
               ,
            
             
               To
               kiss
               the
               Skies
               .
            
             
               Wave
               after
               Wave
               in
               Hills
               each
               other
               crouds
               ,
            
             
               As
               though
               the
               Deeps
               resolv'd
               to
               storm
               the
               Clouds
               .
            
          
           
             
               How
               did
               the
               surging
               Billows
               Beat
               and
               Roar
               ?
            
             
               Against
               the
               Shore
               .
            
             
               Threatning
               to
               bring
               the
               Land
               under
               their
               Power
               ,
            
             
               And
               it
               devour
               .
            
             
               The
               curled
               Waves
               against
               the
               Land
               were
               hurl'd
               ,
            
             
               As
               to
               a
               Choas
               they
               would
               shake
               the
               World.
               
            
          
           
             
               The
               Earth
               did
               interpose
               the
               Prince
               of
               Light
               ,
            
             
               'T
               was
               sable
               Night
               .
            
             
               All
               Darkness
               was
               but
               when
               the
               Lightnings
               fly
               ,
            
             
               And
               Light
               the
               Skye
               .
            
             
               
                 Night
                 ,
                 Thunder
                 ,
                 Lightning
                 ,
                 Rain
              
               and
               Blustring
               Wind
               ,
            
             
               To
               make
               a
               Storm
               ,
               had
               all
               their
               Forces
               joyn'd
               .
            
          
        
         
           
           
             A
             Description
             of
             Bottles-Brook
             .
          
           
             WE
             found
             this
             a
             pretty
             sweet
             Town
             in
             truth
             ;
             it
             is
             paved
             with
             Bottles
             ,
             and
             roofed
             with
             Leathern
             Budgets
             ;
             I
             do
             not
             remember
             I
             saw
             any
             Artificer
             in
             all
             the
             Town
             ,
             but
             Leathern
             Jack-makers
             ,
             and
             Taylors
             for
             Bottle-Cases
             .
             So
             that
             now
             I
             saw
             where
             the
             Eat-All-Mains
             had
             utterance
             for
             their
             Hides
             .
          
           
             The
             Men
             of
             this
             Town
             and
             Country
             ,
             use
             no
             pure
             Wine
             ,
             but
             certain
             Distilled
             Waters
             ,
             mixed
             with
             the
             strongest
             Grape
             that
             they
             can
             get
             ,
             which
             are
             so
             forcibly
             hot
             ,
             that
             the
             brittle
             Glass
             cannot
             hold
             them
             ;
             and
             therefore
             they
             are
             driven
             to
             fortify
             their
             Bottles
             with
             Leathern
             Dublets
             ,
             Rivetted
             together
             with
             Pitch
             and
             Rozin
             .
          
           
             The
             Citizens
             are
             fiery
             of
             Face
             ,
             and
             cholerick
             of
             Conditions
             ,
             and
             of
             a
             staggering
             manner
             of
             Pace
             in
             their
             Going
             ;
             but
             that
             which
             is
             most
             terrible
             of
             all
             ,
             they
             drink
             and
             
             they
             belch
             nothing
             but
             Flames
             :
             one
             of
             them
             is
             able
             to
             drink
             as
             much
             Fire
             ,
             as
             one
             of
             us
             can
             Water
             .
             A
             Man
             would
             veryly
             imagine
             when
             he
             saw
             them
             ,
             that
             they
             were
             so
             many
             Fire-Drakes
             ,
             Or
             ,
             St.
             
               George's
               Dragons
            
             :
             I
             was
             in
             danger
             before
             of
             drowning
             in
             Water
             ,
             but
             now
             I
             feared
             nothing
             but
             stifling
             with
             Fire
             .
          
           
             There
             I
             left
             my
             Companion
             to
             his
             Orisons
             ;
             I
             loved
             him
             well
             ,
             but
             my self
             better
             ,
             and
             the
             next
             morning
             got
             me
             out
             of
             this
             Vulcans
             Shop
             ,
             this
             Ciclops
             Forge
             ;
             and
             being
             upon
             my
             way
             ,
             began
             to
             consult
             whith
             my self
             ,
             if
             it
             were
             not
             convenient
             to
             Travel
             towards
             Brewmaulta
             ,
             to
             observe
             the
             manners
             ,
             and
             fashions
             of
             the
             Hopsackoctuns
             .
             But
             considering
             as
             my
             Pilgrim
             had
             told
             me
             ,
             it
             was
             the
             basest
             part
             of
             the
             Land
             ,
             and
             (
             but
             that
             it
             is
             more
             Beast-like
             )
             differs
             in
             nothing
             from
             the
             other
             parts
             of
             Drink-All-Main
             .
             And
             while
             I
             was
             thus
             plodding
             on
             ,
             with
             many
             
             Cogitations
             in
             my
             mind
             what
             to
             do
             ,
             to
             my
             great
             surprize
             rushes
             forth
             an
             Ambush
             of
             armed
             Shee-Landesses
             ,
             besieg'd
             me
             ,
             took
             me
             ,
             bound
             me
             ,
             and
             carried
             me
             Prisoner
             (
             the
             more
             unfortunate
             man
             I
             )
             a
             long
             and
             toylsome
             Journey
             ,
             even
             to
             the
             chief
             City
             of
             the
             Land
             called
             Gossip-Pingoa
             .
          
        
      
       
         
         
         
           THE
           Second
           Part.
           
        
         
           
             The
             Description
             of
             Woman-Decoia
             :
             Or
             ,
             Shee-Landt
             ,
             of
             the
             Scituation
             and
             Parts
             thereof
             .
          
           
             THE
             New
             Discovered
             Woman-Decoia
             :
             Or
             ,
             Shee-Landt
             ,
             lieth
             in
             that
             part
             of
             the
             Southern
             Continent
             ,
             which
             our
             Geographers
             of
             Europ
             called
             Psytaccorum-Regio
             ,
             the
             Land
             of
             Parrots
             ;
             the
             North
             side
             is
             bounded
             upon
             Lecheritania
             ,
             the
             South
             upon
             Thrivingois
             ,
             the
             East
             upon
             two
             of
             the
             Foolianas
             ,
             the
             
             Fickle
             ,
             and
             the
             Fat
             :
             The
             Soyl
             thereof
             is
             very
             Fruitful
             ,
             but
             badly
             Husbanded
             .
             It
             is
             divided
             into
             many
             Provinces
             ,
             both
             large
             and
             rich
             ,
             yet
             all
             of
             several
             Conditions
             ,
             Habits
             and
             Languages
             .
             The
             Principal
             of
             them
             are
             these
             ,
             
               Tatlington
               ,
               Soldonia
               ,
               Blubberick
               ,
               Giglot-Tangier
            
             high
             and
             low
             ,
             
               Cockatrixia
               ,
               Sluts-Burrow
               ,
               Shrows-Burgh
            
             ,
             and
             Blackswans-Mark
             ,
             otherwise
             called
             Modestiana
             ;
             many
             of
             these
             Provinces
             did
             I
             pass
             through
             ,
             though
             against
             my
             will
             ;
             but
             to
             speak
             Truth
             ,
             Tatlington
             is
             the
             best
             Country
             of
             them
             all
             ,
             and
             hath
             many
             fair
             Cities
             in
             it
             ,
             as
             
               Pratlingnople
               ,
               Tales-borne
            
             and
             Lips-wagg
             ;
             through
             the
             last
             of
             which
             runneth
             a
             great
             River
             called
             Slaver
             ,
             which
             sometimes
             will
             overflow
             the
             Banks
             ,
             and
             drown
             all
             the
             lower
             part
             of
             the
             Country
             ,
             as
             far
             as
             Chin-dale
             ;
             but
             the
             Inhabitants
             have
             lately
             devised
             strong
             rampiers
             of
             Bones
             ,
             and
             bent
             Leather
             ,
             to
             keep
             it
             from
             breaking
             out
             .
          
           
           
             Of
             all
             the
             Cities
             of
             Tatlington
             ,
             or
             of
             all
             
               Woman-Decoia
               ,
               Gossip-ingoa
            
             is
             the
             Principal
             ,
             thither
             was
             I
             brought
             Prisoner
             :
             Therefore
             take
             first
             an
             Account
             of
             their
             dealing
             with
             me
             ,
             and
             then
             I
             le
             proceed
             to
             Describe
             the
             conditions
             of
             these
             New
             Nations
             .
          
        
         
           
             How
             Quevedo
             was
             used
             by
             the
             Gossip-Ingoesses
             .
          
           
             BEing
             brought
             to
             this
             City
             ,
             and
             so
             to
             the
             Court
             ,
             a
             Bell
             was
             caused
             to
             be
             tolled
             ,
             and
             presently
             all
             the
             Inhabitants
             came
             flocking
             together
             ,
             whose
             diligent
             eyes
             began
             to
             survey
             me
             narrowly
             ,
             who
             stood
             bound
             fast
             enough
             for
             attempting
             Resistance
             ,
             or
             offering
             to
             make
             any
             escape
             .
          
           
             At
             length
             in
             the
             midst
             of
             the
             Multitude
             ,
             I
             could
             hear
             one
             baul
             out
             for
             silence
             ,
             this
             by
             her
             Garb
             and
             port
             ,
             I
             supposed
             to
             be
             their
             Captainess
             ,
             who
             by
             many
             signes
             and
             much
             a
             do
             ,
             had
             somewhat
             abated
             the
             claimer
             ;
             so
             that
             with
             an
             elevated
             voice
             ,
             I
             could
             hear
             her
             
             adress
             her
             Speech
             to
             the
             rest
             after
             this
             manner
             .
             
               Vncontroulable
               and
               Vndaunted
            
             Gossip-Ingoesses
             ,
             
               Be
               it
               known
               unto
               you
               ,
               that
               we
               took
               this
               Fellow
               ,
               in
               the
               Confines
               of
               that
               damn'd
               Country
               of
            
             Letcheritania
             ,
             
               who
               are
               a
               People
               you
               well
               know
               that
               have
               offered
               us
               the
               greatest
               of
               injuries
               :
               I
               therefore
               hold
               it
               fit
               in
               taking
               Revenge
               of
               them
               to
               begin
               with
               this
               Prisoner
               ,
               and
               if
               my
               advice
               may
               Gain
               your
               Approbation
               ,
               let
               him
               be
               condemned
               to
               run
               the
               Gantlet
               To
               morrow
               stark
               naked
               ,
               through
               our
               Regiment
               of
            
             Auxilaries
             .
          
           
             She
             having
             made
             an
             end
             of
             my
             severe
             Sentence
             ,
             (
             with
             much
             ado
             for
             the
             noise
             to
             be
             heard
             )
             I
             got
             leave
             to
             speak
             for
             my self
             ,
             declaring
             my
             Nation
             to
             be
             Old
             England
             ;
             (
             had
             I
             said
             Spain
             ,
             I
             had
             been
             ruin'd
             to
             all
             intents
             and
             purposes
             .
             )
             The
             cause
             of
             my
             wandring
             to
             make
             some
             new
             Discoveries
             ,
             of
             this
             unknown
             part
             of
             the
             Earth
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             no
             Letcheritanian
             ,
             nor
             had
             no
             acquaintance
             with
             any
             of
             them
             :
             
             Telling
             her
             Ladyship
             that
             it
             would
             derogate
             much
             from
             her
             Nature
             and
             Clemency
             ,
             and
             from
             the
             Honour
             of
             her
             Just
             Government
             ,
             to
             condemn
             an
             innocent
             Pilgrim
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             these
             good
             words
             I
             can
             tell
             you
             wrought
             so
             pretty
             well
             ,
             that
             the
             poor
             Young
             Wenches
             began
             most
             of
             them
             to
             weep
             ;
             but
             the
             Old
             Countesses
             were
             not
             so
             soon
             Mollified
             ;
             but
             to
             the
             Louse
             house
             I
             must
             go
             ,
             till
             my
             Country
             ,
             and
             cause
             of
             Travel
             was
             more
             clearly
             made
             manifest
             before
             the
             Grand-Shee-Councel
             ,
             into
             whose
             presence
             I
             was
             brought
             with
             a
             Guard
             next
             Morning
             .
          
           
             Where
             ,
             if
             it
             had
             not
             been
             for
             my
             feign'd
             Countries
             Name
             ,
             the
             only
             Paradice
             for
             Women
             ,
             which
             pleaded
             on
             my
             side
             ,
             I
             had
             received
             Sentance
             immediately
             .
          
           
             
               Which
               the
            
             Speaker
             
               of
               the
               Grand
               Counsel
               called
               there
               the
               Pratris
               ,
               signified
               to
               me
               in
               these
               Words
               ,
            
             Sir
             ,
             It
             is
             the
             Pleasure
             of
             this
             Honourable
             Counsel
             ,
             Both
             to
             remit
             your
             Punnishment
             ,
             
             and
             give
             you
             Liberty
             ,
             because
             they
             have
             heard
             that
             your
             Country
             is
             Famous
             for
             the
             Freedom
             of
             Females
             .
          
           
             So
             I
             was
             there
             immediately
             quitted
             by
             Proclamation
             ,
             but
             not
             without
             an
             Oath
             ;
             for
             I
             was
             brought
             to
             Janus
             Altar
             ,
             and
             laying
             my
             hand
             on
             the
             same
             ,
             swore
             solemnly
             to
             observe
             all
             these
             Conditions
             following
             .
          
           
             I.
             That
             I
             should
             never
             go
             about
             to
             Injure
             this
             Noble
             Sex
             ,
             by
             Word
             nor
             Deed.
             
          
           
             II.
             That
             I
             should
             never
             Interrupt
             a
             Woman
             in
             her
             Talk.
             
          
           
             III.
             That
             I
             should
             commit
             the
             whole
             Rule
             of
             the
             House
             to
             my
             Wife
             .
          
           
             IV.
             That
             I
             should
             never
             betray
             any
             Womans
             Secrets
             .
          
           
             V.
             That
             I
             should
             never
             deny
             my
             Wife
             any
             Womans
             Ornaments
             .
          
           
             VI.
             That
             I
             should
             continually
             (
             no
             matter
             whether
             right
             or
             wrong
             )
             declare
             the
             praise
             of
             Women
             ,
             for
             Beauty
             ,
             Wit
             ,
             and
             Eloquence
             ,
             and
             defend
             it
             against
             all
             men
             .
          
           
           
             Now
             therefore
             ,
             you
             see
             my
             Tongue
             is
             tyed
             by
             Oath
             ,
             not
             to
             tell
             all
             the
             Cunundrums
             that
             I
             saw
             amongst
             these
             mad
             Wenches
             ;
             somewhat
             I
             may
             say
             ,
             but
             no
             harm
             ;
             and
             I
             le
             venture
             to
             stretch
             as
             far
             as
             I
             can
             without
             Violating
             my
             Oath
             .
          
        
         
           
             Their
             Forms
             of
             Government
             ,
             and
             Elections
             of
             Persons
             of
             State.
             
          
           
             THeir
             State
             is
             popular
             ,
             each
             one
             seeking
             Superiority
             ;
             and
             avoiding
             Obedience
             ,
             they
             have
             no
             absolute
             Laws
             ,
             but
             do
             every
             thing
             by
             the
             number
             of
             their
             Voices
             :
             But
             the
             manner
             of
             giving
             up
             their
             Votes
             amazed
             me
             ,
             being
             unacquainted
             therewith
             ;
             for
             they
             set
             up
             a
             cry
             altogether
             ,
             none
             gives
             ear
             ,
             but
             every
             one
             yells
             as
             if
             she
             were
             stark
             staring
             mad
             .
          
           
             They
             hold
             a
             continual
             Parliament
             about
             their
             more
             Weighty
             Affairs
             of
             State
             ;
             now
             this
             continuance
             
             is
             necessary
             ,
             because
             of
             their
             Laws
             uncertainty
             ;
             for
             the
             Decrees
             of
             this
             Day
             may
             be
             all
             disanulled
             to
             morrow
             ,
             but
             the
             same
             day
             they
             cannot
             ,
             lest
             their
             Law-givers
             should
             seem
             unconstant
             .
          
           
             Every
             ones
             voice
             is
             a
             like
             in
             worth
             ,
             the
             whole
             City
             through
             ,
             but
             not
             every
             ones
             Dignity
             ;
             for
             they
             have
             a
             certain
             number
             of
             chosen
             Women
             ,
             which
             they
             call
             Gravesses
             ;
             and
             these
             have
             great
             Authority
             and
             Honour
             in
             each
             particular
             City
             ;
             but
             they
             are
             not
             born
             to
             this
             Dignity
             ,
             but
             Elected
             .
          
           
             They
             had
             once
             a
             Custom
             to
             Elect
             those
             Gravesses
             by
             Vote
             from
             amongst
             themselves
             ,
             but
             every
             one
             giving
             her
             Vote
             for
             her self
             only
             ,
             it
             bred
             a
             strange
             confusion
             ;
             which
             made
             them
             Abolish
             that
             kind
             of
             Election
             ,
             and
             make
             a
             Decree
             ,
             that
             only
             such
             should
             have
             a
             Right
             to
             Vote
             ,
             as
             would
             profess
             themselves
             neither
             Young
             ,
             Fair
             ,
             nor
             Eloquent
             ;
             and
             this
             brought
             all
             things
             to
             as
             bad
             a
             pass
             
             as
             the
             other
             extream
             ;
             for
             now
             there
             was
             not
             one
             that
             would
             Vote
             for
             any
             body
             at
             all
             ;
             so
             that
             the
             State
             was
             like
             to
             want
             Governesses
             .
          
           
             At
             length
             they
             all
             agreed
             (
             and
             that
             was
             very
             strange
             )
             to
             pass
             over
             those
             places
             of
             Electresses
             ,
             unto
             Twelve
             of
             the
             most
             aged
             Matrons
             of
             
               Old
               Mumping-ton
            
             ,
             a
             ruinous
             Village
             hard
             by
             ,
             giving
             them
             the
             glorious
             Titles
             of
             
               Electres
               Gravessial
            
             ,
             to
             set
             them
             the
             more
             agog
             to
             perform
             their
             charges
             .
          
           
             Insted
             of
             Scepters
             and
             Swords
             ,
             the
             Gravesses
             have
             Fans
             and
             Glasses
             born
             before
             them
             ,
             great
             square
             Christal
             Glasses
             .
             And
             allwayes
             as
             they
             pass
             along
             through
             the
             Streets
             ,
             they
             prink
             up
             their
             Atires
             ,
             and
             Ornaments
             ,
             and
             set
             their
             Bulls
             ,
             and
             curl'd
             Towrs
             ,
             in
             even
             and
             decent
             Order
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Original
             of
             the
             Shee-Landesses
             .
          
           
             THere
             are
             few
             of
             these
             Shee-Landesses
             born
             in
             this
             Nation
             ,
             and
             those
             are
             such
             as
             are
             transported
             hither
             in
             their
             Mothers
             bellies
             ;
             but
             the
             Principal
             Inhabitants
             ,
             are
             either
             such
             as
             will
             needs
             wear
             their
             Husbands
             Breeches
             ,
             or
             such
             as
             the
             Husbands
             Jealousie
             Banishes
             ;
             these
             run
             Flocking
             from
             all
             parts
             hither
             .
          
           
             Now
             all
             such
             as
             are
             their
             Husbands
             Masters
             ,
             and
             are
             thereupon
             banished
             for
             their
             unjust
             claim
             to
             Soveraignty
             ,
             these
             are
             assigned
             to
             inhabit
             the
             frontiers
             of
             Shee-Landt
             ,
             especially
             in
             the
             Countries
             of
             Shrows-burgh
             ,
             and
             there
             they
             are
             all
             put
             in
             Garrisons
             .
          
           
             But
             as
             for
             those
             that
             are
             Voluntier
             Exiles
             ,
             being
             generally
             of
             Meek
             Spirits
             ,
             they
             are
             seated
             in
             the
             heart
             of
             the
             Land
             ,
             to
             become
             Votaresses
             to
             Peace
             and
             Beauty
             .
          
           
           
             Yet
             there
             is
             no
             fear
             that
             this
             weal
             Publick
             should
             go
             to
             ruine
             for
             want
             of
             Members
             ;
             and
             I
             le
             tell
             you
             why
             ,
             because
             there
             are
             so
             many
             Voluntiers
             comes
             to
             this
             Camp
             ,
             that
             the
             fear
             is
             rather
             want
             of
             room
             for
             new
             Inhabitants
             then
             otherwise
             .
          
           
             I
             am
             in
             great
             fear
             ,
             lest
             my
             Country
             Women
             should
             have
             any
             understanding
             of
             this
             State
             ;
             for
             if
             once
             they
             scent
             it
             ,
             or
             get
             the
             least
             smatch
             of
             this
             Land
             of
             uncontrouled
             Liberty
             ,
             we
             may
             e'ne
             go
             hang
             our selves
             ;
             for
             the
             Devil
             a
             Female
             will
             stay
             amongst
             us
             ,
             nay
             (
             which
             will
             be
             dreadful
             )
             we
             shall
             not
             have
             one
             big-Belly
             left
             ,
             to
             lay
             the
             Foundation
             of
             a
             future
             Age
             by
             .
             Therefore
             let
             me
             intreat
             you
             Sir
             ,
             as
             you
             love
             the
             preservation
             of
             our
             Linneage
             ,
             and
             the
             General
             Multiplication
             of
             Mankind
             ,
             be
             silent
             in
             this
             so
             important
             a
             matter
             ,
             and
             keep
             this
             Secret
             ,
             as
             it
             highly
             concerns
             us
             undiscovered
             from
             our
             giddy
             Females
             ,
             
             unless
             we
             can
             find
             a
             better
             means
             of
             Generation
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Giglot-Tangier
             .
          
           
             AT
             Gossip-Ingoa
             ,
             I
             Obtained
             ,
             besides
             my
             Freedom
             ,
             the
             Cities
             Letters
             for
             my
             pasport
             ;
             and
             from
             thence
             took
             my
             way
             towards
             Giglot-Tangier
             ,
             a
             Country
             lying
             upon
             the
             South
             part
             of
             Woman-Decoia
             toward
             Letcheritania
             :
             the
             Land
             of
             it self
             in
             these
             parts
             ,
             is
             the
             Worlds
             Paradice
             .
             It
             is
             not
             many
             Leagues
             from
             Loves-Den
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             first
             Town
             in
             this
             Road
             ;
             here
             I
             entred
             into
             an
             Aire
             as
             delicately
             scented
             ,
             as
             if
             all
             the
             Perfumers
             in
             England
             had
             lately
             played
             their
             prizes
             here
             for
             Soveraignty
             .
          
           
             The
             whole
             Country
             round
             about
             is
             crowded
             with
             Apothecaries
             and
             Pomandrificoes
             .
          
           
             The
             Women
             of
             this
             Wapentake
             ,
             are
             generally
             Tall
             ,
             and
             Excellent●y
             adorned
             with
             Millinery
             and
             Rich
             
             Laces
             ;
             only
             they
             practice
             the
             Art
             of
             Cheek-oyling
             too
             much
             ,
             thereby
             to
             help
             the
             defects
             of
             Nature
             ,
             by
             the
             Effects
             of
             Art
             ;
             they
             wear
             nothing
             on
             their
             Faces
             ,
             nor
             on
             their
             Breasts
             ;
             for
             their
             Habit
             it
             is
             fair
             in
             show
             ,
             light
             in
             weight
             ,
             and
             so
             easie
             to
             mount
             with
             the
             smallest
             puff
             of
             Ayr
             ;
             some
             of
             them
             have
             their
             Naked
             parts
             crusted
             over
             with
             gross
             painting
             ,
             but
             this
             is
             most
             commonly
             used
             by
             the
             Commoners
             of
             Merritrixton
             ,
             who
             are
             now
             no
             entire
             Nation
             ,
             but
             scattered
             (
             as
             are
             the
             Jews
             in
             Europe
             )
             through
             all
             the
             Provinces
             of
             Shee-Landt
             .
          
           
             The
             Women
             of
             Shameless
             (
             for
             so
             they
             call
             the
             Shire-Town
             of
             Giglot-Tangier
             )
             have
             their
             Houses
             (
             Except
             four
             Pillars
             that
             supports
             the
             Roof
             )
             built
             all
             with
             Muscovy
             Glass
             as
             transparent
             as
             Air.
             
          
           
             It
             is
             lost
             labour
             to
             seek
             any
             of
             them
             at
             home
             ,
             unless
             you
             make
             your
             Inquest
             immediately
             upon
             their
             dressing-time
             ,
             or
             somewhat
             
             before
             ,
             but
             lay
             your
             Plot
             to
             seek
             them
             at
             a
             Play
             house
             ,
             or
             in
             a
             Tavern
             ;
             and
             it
             stands
             upon
             a
             good
             Foundation
             ,
             for
             there
             you
             may
             be
             sure
             to
             find
             them
             in
             droves
             either
             Laughing
             ,
             Singing
             or
             Danceing
             ,
             or
             very
             diligently
             imployed
             in
             some
             such
             Exercise
             all
             the
             Afternoon
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             one
             Street
             in
             this
             Town
             where
             are
             more
             Danceing
             Schools
             ,
             then
             there
             are
             Colledges
             ,
             both
             in
             Oxford
             and
             Cambridg
             ,
             and
             produces
             more
             Practitioners
             and
             Proficients
             ;
             and
             since
             the
             Inhabitants
             are
             so
             merrily
             conceited
             ,
             Take
             the
             account
             in
             four
             or
             five
             Brace
             of
             Gingles
             .
          
           
             High-Clif-Rad-Way
             ,
             for
             so
             the
             Street
             is
             Named
             ,
          
           
             For
             frisking
             Female
             Academies
             Famed
             .
          
           
             The
             Language
             of
             the
             Feet
             is
             there
             Instructed
             ,
          
           
             And
             though
             some
             Brisk
             Ones
             daily
             are
             deducted
             .
          
           
             From
             those
             well-Peopl'd
             Schools
             ,
             whose
             constant
             Trade
             is
             ,
          
           
             To
             teach
             true
             Vaulting
             to
             the
             Youthful
             Ladies
             .
          
           
             There
             still
             remains
             such
             Crowds
             of
             Beauteous
             Ones
             ,
          
           
             Would
             stock
             a
             Court
             as
             Large
             as
             Solomons
             .
          
           
             But
             leaving
             to
             their
             Studies
             my
             Brisk
             Lasses
             ,
          
           
             To
             Shrows-Burgh
             I
             ,
             from
             Giglot-Tangier
             passes
             .
          
           
           
             But
             leaving
             the
             Road
             on
             my
             Right
             hand
             ,
             
               Noot
               a
               boon
               Sax
               Mayls
               an
               a
               waa
               Bit
               ,
            
             (
             according
             to
             the
             pronounciation
             of
             the
             Natives
             )
             wide
             of
             this
             Town
             of
             Shameless
             ,
             lieth
             
               Sluts
               Burrow
            
             :
             Or
             ,
             as
             the
             Neighbour
             Countries
             call
             it
             Scotts-Brough
             :
             To
             this
             Town
             (
             though
             it
             was
             out
             of
             my
             way
             )
             I
             Travelled
             ,
             because
             I
             would
             pass
             by
             no
             curiosities
             ;
             and
             here
             I
             was
             fitted
             .
          
           
             The
             Air
             I
             think
             might
             be
             wholesome
             ,
             but
             for
             the
             stinking
             Inhabitants
             .
          
           
             Their
             Beasts
             hereabouts
             (
             as
             there
             are
             a
             great
             many
             )
             are
             generally
             small
             ,
             women
             only
             excepted
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             great
             store
             of
             Fowl
             also
             ,
             as
             foul
             Houses
             ,
             foul
             Wollen
             ,
             foul
             Linnen
             ,
             foul
             Pots
             ,
             foul
             Dishes
             ,
             and
             foul
             Trenchers
             .
          
           
             I
             saw
             but
             little
             Grass
             but
             what
             was
             in
             their
             Pottage
             :
             The
             word
             Hay
             is
             heathen
             Greek
             to
             them
             ,
             neither
             Man
             nor
             Beast
             knowes
             what
             it
             means
             .
          
           
           
             I
             made
             but
             small
             stay
             here
             ,
             for
             I
             thought
             it
             not
             safe
             ,
             unless
             a
             man
             could
             have
             (
             for
             every
             Morsel
             which
             he
             eats
             )
             an
             Antidote
             ,
             therefore
             by
             the
             same
             way
             I
             came
             ,
             I
             returned
             toward
             Shrows-Burg
             ,
             and
             glad
             was
             I
             ,
             that
             I
             was
             got
             into
             the
             fresh
             Air
             again
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Shrews-Burg
             .
          
           
             IN
             my
             return
             from
             the
             Confines
             Giglot-Tangier
             ,
             being
             now
             upon
             the
             most
             Western
             Angle
             of
             the
             same
             ,
             I
             happened
             (
             just
             as
             my
             Staff
             fell
             )
             into
             the
             Country
             of
             Shrews-Burg
             ,
             the
             only
             Garrison
             of
             this
             Feminine
             Government
             ,
             and
             the
             only
             defence
             it
             hath
             against
             Foreign
             Invasions
             .
          
           
             Here
             I
             was
             finely
             gull'd
             ,
             for
             seeing
             Persons
             in
             the
             Habits
             of
             men
             ,
             this
             is
             good
             thought
             I
             ,
             I
             am
             now
             gotten
             out
             of
             Woman-Decoia
             ;
             but
             when
             all
             came
             to
             all
             ,
             I
             found
             my self
             palpably
             cousen'd
             with
             a
             borrowed
             shape
             ;
             for
             in
             this
             Country
             Women
             wear
             
             Breeches
             and
             long
             .
             Perriwigs
             ,
             and
             Men
             go
             with
             their
             Chins
             naked
             in
             Jesticoes
             and
             Petticoats
             ,
             Spinning
             and
             Carding
             Wool
             ,
             whilest
             their
             Wives
             discharge
             the
             main
             Affairs
             of
             State
             :
             the
             Barbarians
             in
             Aristotles
             time
             never
             used
             their
             Women
             half
             so
             Imperiously
             as
             the
             men
             are
             used
             here
             ;
             the
             poor
             Snakes
             dare
             not
             so
             much
             as
             wipe
             their
             Mouths
             unless
             their
             Wives
             bid
             them
             ,
             nor
             so
             much
             as
             visit
             the
             places
             of
             ease
             ,
             or
             speak
             a
             word
             with
             their
             best
             Friend
             ,
             but
             they
             must
             first
             come
             to
             their
             Wives
             with
             a
             Petition
             of
             
               Quaeso
               Magristra
               ,
               Good
               Mistris
               give
               me
               leave
               to
               go
               ,
            
             &c.
             
             I
             Observed
             this
             Custom
             strictly
             required
             ,
             and
             the
             neglect
             more
             narrowly
             peeped
             into
             one
             certain
             day
             when
             I
             was
             there
             ,
             than
             at
             other
             times
             .
          
           
             The
             reason
             was
             ,
             because
             some
             of
             the
             better-spirited
             Husbands
             disdaining
             to
             be
             chained
             in
             this
             unmanly
             Subjection
             by
             their
             Tyrannizing
             Wives
             ,
             had
             laid
             a
             Plot
             among
             
             themselves
             ,
             to
             rise
             unanimously
             on
             an
             appointed
             Night
             in
             open
             Armes
             ,
             and
             on
             a
             sudden
             ,
             against
             this
             Female
             Government
             ,
             thereby
             resolving
             to
             shake
             off
             this
             Infamous
             and
             Disgraceful
             Servitude
             .
             This
             Plot
             had
             took
             very
             good
             Effect
             ,
             had
             not
             Misfortune
             crossed
             their
             good
             Intentions
             ,
             and
             Valiant
             Resolutions
             .
          
           
             Which
             was
             by
             the
             Means
             of
             one
             Cowardly
             ,
             low-Spirited
             ,
             narrow-Soul'd
             ,
             Henhearted
             Fellow
             of
             their
             confideracy
             ,
             who
             being
             threatned
             by
             his
             Wife
             to
             be
             soundly
             cudgeled
             ,
             for
             some
             other
             private
             Fault
             ;
             to
             procure
             himself
             a
             pardon
             ,
             went
             and
             Revealed
             the
             whole
             Plat-form
             of
             the
             Conspiracy
             ,
             just
             the
             Evening
             before
             the
             Night
             appointed
             for
             the
             performance
             .
          
           
             The
             Women
             sit
             at
             meat
             ,
             and
             the
             Men
             attend
             ;
             the
             Women
             sleep
             ,
             and
             the
             Men
             watch
             ;
             the
             Women
             scold
             and
             fight
             ,
             while
             the
             Men
             are
             fain
             to
             ward
             with
             their
             ears
             ,
             head
             and
             shoulders
             .
          
           
           
             What
             an
             uncomly
             sight
             was
             it
             to
             see
             a
             Distaff
             and
             Spindle
             in
             a
             Mans
             hand
             ,
             and
             a
             Sword
             and
             Buckler
             in
             a
             Womans
             ?
             yet
             I
             concealed
             my
             dislike
             as
             well
             as
             I
             could
             ,
             desiring
             only
             to
             see
             without
             suffering
             .
          
           
             If
             any
             Woman
             use
             her
             Husband
             somewhat
             gentlier
             than
             Ordinary
             ,
             (
             as
             some
             of
             them
             are
             tender-hearted
             )
             she
             is
             presently
             informed
             against
             ,
             and
             cited
             to
             appear
             before
             the
             High
             Court
             of
             Parliament
             of
             Shrews-Burg
             ,
             and
             there
             Indicted
             of
             High
             Treason
             against
             the
             State
             ;
             her
             next
             Neighbours
             give
             Evidence
             against
             her
             with
             such
             a
             noise
             and
             fury
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             strange
             to
             see
             their
             Impatience
             .
          
           
             If
             she
             be
             but
             convicted
             by
             the
             smallest
             circumstance
             that
             is
             ,
             she
             is
             immediately
             condemn'd
             to
             this
             Punishment
             ;
             first
             ,
             she
             must
             change
             attires
             with
             her
             Husband
             ,
             and
             then
             shave
             off
             all
             her
             hair
             ;
             and
             so
             being
             led
             by
             a
             strong
             Guard
             of
             armed
             
             Shrews-Burgisses
             ,
             through
             the
             Market-place
             to
             the
             High-Cross
             ,
             where
             she
             must
             stand
             one
             whole
             day
             upon
             the
             Pillory
             ,
             as
             an
             Object
             to
             all
             the
             fleering
             Scoffs
             ,
             and
             Derisions
             of
             those
             Crouds
             of
             Spectatresses
             ;
             nor
             shall
             the
             man
             escape
             scot-free
             ,
             for
             being
             so
             audatious
             to
             accept
             of
             the
             favours
             offered
             by
             his
             Wife
             ,
             without
             a
             modest
             refusal
             .
             And
             when
             the
             Woman
             comes
             home
             ,
             she
             must
             not
             put
             off
             those
             Garments
             ,
             or
             reassume
             her
             others
             ,
             until
             she
             brings
             a
             Cudgel
             into
             the
             Court
             all
             died
             with
             the
             fresh
             blood
             of
             her
             Husbands
             broken
             pate
             .
          
           
             He
             that
             out-liveth
             his
             Wife
             ,
             must
             either
             marry
             his
             Maid
             ,
             and
             be
             sworn
             to
             her
             service
             ,
             as
             he
             was
             to
             his
             former
             Wives
             ,
             or
             else
             he
             must
             become
             Slave
             to
             the
             next
             Neighbours
             Wife
             ,
             wherein
             he
             hath
             this
             favour
             allowed
             ,
             to
             chose
             whether
             to
             his
             right-hand
             Neighbours
             ,
             or
             to
             his
             left-hand
             Neighbours
             ;
             and
             this
             Law
             they
             call
             
               An
               Act
               of
               Grace
            
             .
          
           
           
             For
             no
             man
             in
             this
             City
             may
             be
             the
             Ruler
             of
             his
             own
             House
             .
          
           
             In
             this
             Country
             ,
             when
             the
             Wife
             goeth
             forth
             either
             to
             Wars
             ,
             Consultations
             ,
             or
             for
             pleasure
             ,
             she
             leaveth
             her
             Keys
             ,
             and
             therewith
             her
             whole
             Authority
             and
             Government
             to
             her
             Maid
             ,
             or
             her
             Daughter
             ;
             either
             of
             which
             ,
             if
             the
             Husband
             but
             once
             mutter
             against
             ,
             or
             grumble
             to
             obey
             ,
             nay
             ,
             should
             he
             but
             pout
             ,
             or
             go
             unwillingly
             about
             the
             performance
             of
             his
             duty
             ,
             his
             shoulders
             are
             sure
             to
             suffer
             severely
             for
             it
             at
             his
             Wives
             return
             ,
             unless
             he
             can
             either
             begg
             or
             bribe
             the
             Silence
             of
             the
             Deputy-Governesses
             .
          
           
             They
             never
             Lye
             with
             their
             Husbands
             ,
             but
             when
             an
             Appetite
             (
             for
             you
             know
             what
             makes
             them
             sharp
             set
             )
             for
             that
             they
             hold
             would
             procure
             too
             much
             Familiarity
             :
             Notwithstanding
             ,
             If
             the
             Husband
             arise
             not
             out
             of
             his
             Cabbin
             in
             the
             entry
             ,
             or
             under
             the
             Stairs
             ,
             before
             the
             Wife
             be
             warm
             in
             her
             Bed
             ,
             and
             
             coming
             up
             stairs
             barefoot
             ,
             knock
             three
             times
             very
             gently
             at
             her
             Chamber
             door
             ,
             and
             offer
             her
             his
             Service
             in
             a
             Low
             voice
             ,
             and
             wait
             her
             Answer
             ,
             he
             is
             sure
             to
             be
             Dissiplin'd
             with
             a
             Bastinado
             next
             Morning
             .
          
           
             The
             Women
             of
             this
             Country
             observe
             a
             Fashion
             directly
             contrary
             to
             Ours
             ,
             for
             they
             clip
             their
             hair
             ,
             and
             let
             their
             Nailes
             grow
             long
             .
          
           
             There
             are
             also
             certain
             amongst
             them
             that
             are
             Professors
             of
             the
             Noble
             Science
             of
             Offence
             ,
             and
             keep
             Free-Schools
             ,
             wherein
             the
             rest
             are
             taught
             all
             the
             Wards
             Offencive
             and
             Defencive
             ,
             both
             of
             Heels
             ,
             Nails
             and
             Teeth
             ;
             as
             also
             the
             most
             Exact
             and
             modish
             Methods
             of
             Clawing
             off
             the
             Skin
             of
             Mens
             Faces
             ,
             Picking
             out
             of
             Eyes
             ,
             Biting
             of
             Arms
             ,
             wringing
             of
             Ears
             ,
             and
             tearing
             of
             Hair.
             These
             Lectures
             they
             are
             instructed
             in
             both
             by
             Precept
             and
             Practice
             .
          
           
           
             I
             met
             many
             of
             my
             own
             Country
             men
             (
             was
             it
             not
             very
             strange
             in
             a
             Country
             so
             remote
             )
             whom
             I
             knew
             by
             sight
             as
             well
             as
             a
             Beggar
             knows
             his
             dish
             :
             These
             Acquaintance
             (
             like
             true
             Friends
             )
             gave
             me
             Cautions
             from
             their
             own
             Experiences
             ,
             of
             what
             Inconveniencies
             might
             attend
             me
             in
             staying
             here
             Long
             ,
             or
             being
             over-curious
             to
             inspect
             their
             Customs
             and
             Manners
             ;
             also
             giving
             me
             such
             directions
             ,
             which
             with
             heed
             I
             Observed
             :
             And
             following
             their
             Advices
             ,
             found
             the
             way
             (
             at
             length
             ,
             though
             with
             much
             difficulty
             ,
             )
             through
             the
             dirty
             Fens
             of
             Blubberick
             ,
             over
             the
             Mushrum-Palian
             Mountains
             ,
             and
             so
             arrived
             upon
             the
             Confines
             of
             Fooliana
             .
          
           
             But
             you
             may
             ask
             why
             I
             travelled
             not
             into
             that
             part
             where
             the
             Modestianians
             ;
             otherwise
             called
             the
             Women
             of
             Black-Swan-Mark
             had
             their
             Habitations
             .
          
           
             Why
             truly
             ,
             I
             hold
             my self
             Infortunate
             in
             that
             one
             thing
             alone
             ,
             
             That
             I
             could
             not
             come
             to
             see
             their
             State
             as
             well
             as
             the
             rest
             ;
             seeing
             that
             my
             mind
             presaged
             unto
             me
             ,
             that
             it
             excelleth
             all
             the
             forenamed
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             such
             a
             People
             ,
             my
             friend
             ,
             I
             tell
             thee
             plainly
             ,
             but
             the
             Region
             wherein
             they
             Inhabit
             ,
             I
             could
             never
             come
             to
             discover
             ;
             only
             their
             name
             ,
             I
             had
             from
             the
             Antient
             Chronicles
             of
             the
             others
             States
             ,
             and
             that
             as
             I
             said
             ,
             is
             Black-Swan-Mark
             .
          
           
             Indeed
             there
             are
             some
             of
             them
             that
             live
             as
             Hermitisses
             ,
             in
             the
             Craggy-Desarts
             of
             some
             other
             parts
             of
             Shee-Land●
             ;
             but
             their
             Habitations
             are
             generally
             unknown
             ,
             and
             almost
             Inaccessible
             ;
             he
             that
             will
             take
             the
             pains
             to
             search
             those
             vast
             desarts
             ,
             may
             by
             Miracle
             meet
             with
             some
             of
             those
             holy
             Votaresses
             .
          
           
             I
             happened
             ,
             I
             think
             ,
             unless
             it
             was
             a
             Dream
             ,
             to
             see
             one
             or
             two
             of
             them
             ,
             whose
             variety
             of
             Virtues
             ,
             Beauties
             and
             Behaviours
             ,
             have
             left
             me
             in
             an
             extasy
             until
             this
             very
             hour
             ,
             which
             made
             me
             so
             eager
             in
             the
             pursuit
             of
             
             so
             pleasing
             a
             Discovery
             ,
             that
             I
             almost
             ransact
             every
             corner
             of
             that
             prodigious
             Continent
             :
             But
             notwithstanding
             all
             my
             dilligence
             ,
             could
             set
             eye
             of
             no
             more
             .
             Therefore
             whosoever
             has
             a
             mind
             to
             Embark
             in
             so
             desperate
             a
             Voyage
             ;
             Let
             him
             begin
             to
             Travel
             in
             his
             Youth
             ,
             lest
             gray
             hairs
             overtake
             him
             ere
             he
             attains
             his
             intended
             Discovery
             :
             As
             for
             my
             part
             I
             le
             give
             it
             over
             .
          
        
      
       
         
         
         
           THE
           Third
           Part.
           
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Scituation
             of
             Fooliana
             and
             Populousness
             thereof
             .
          
           
             FOliana
             is
             the
             most
             vast
             and
             Ill-husbanded
             Region
             that
             ever
             mine
             eyes
             beheld
             ;
             and
             yet
             of
             all
             ,
             the
             most
             populous
             ;
             go
             but
             upon
             the
             Exchange
             of
             any
             Town
             of
             Traffick
             in
             this
             whole
             Nation
             ,
             and
             you
             would
             swear
             that
             the
             whole
             World
             came
             to
             trade
             thither
             .
          
           
           
             Historyographers
             in
             their
             Account
             of
             the
             number
             of
             People
             that
             are
             imagined
             to
             be
             in
             all
             Europe
             ,
             say
             ,
             that
             Italy
             is
             supposed
             to
             contain
             9000000
             more
             or
             less
             ;
             Spain
             a
             number
             somewhat
             less
             ;
             England
             6000000.
             
             The
             
               Low
               Countries
            
             near
             as
             many
             ;
             
               Germany
               15000000.
               
               France
            
             as
             many
             ;
             Sicilia
             150000.
             
             They
             account
             also
             that
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             China
             amount
             to
             70000000.
             
             That
             Country
             parallel'd
             with
             the
             whole
             Country
             of
             Fooliana
             ,
             is
             rather
             an
             uninhabitable
             desart
             ,
             than
             a
             Peopled
             Nation
             .
          
           
             It
             Lieth
             just
             under
             the
             Antartick
             pole
             ,
             as
             the
             Land
             of
             Pigmies
             is
             under
             the
             Artick
             ;
             and
             hence
             I
             gather
             ,
             that
             the
             Extremity
             of
             cold
             in
             both
             these
             opposed
             Regions
             ,
             is
             the
             cause
             both
             of
             the
             Pigmies
             smalness
             ,
             and
             the
             Foolianders
             blockishness
             .
             Nature
             graceing
             her self
             in
             Counterpoising
             the
             defect
             of
             the
             body
             in
             one
             place
             ,
             with
             as
             great
             defect
             of
             wit
             in
             another
             .
          
           
           
             Fooliana
             on
             the
             South
             ,
             butteth
             upon
             Belly-All-Main
             ;
             On
             the
             East
             ,
             upon
             Woman-Decoia
             ;
             and
             the
             farthest
             Corner
             of
             Theving-genia
             :
             And
             on
             the
             West
             ,
             upon
             the
             Mushrom-Palian
             Mountains
             .
          
        
         
           
             The
             Parts
             of
             Fooliana
             and
             the
             Peoples
             Conditions
             in
             General
             .
          
           
             FOoliana
             the
             Great
             ,
             is
             divided
             into
             four
             lesser
             ,
             as
             namely
             Fooliana
             the
             Fickle
             just
             under
             the
             Pole
             ,
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat
             towards
             the
             South
             ,
             Fooliana
             the
             fond
             Easternly
             ,
             and
             Fooliana
             the
             Devout
             towards
             the
             West
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             of
             all
             these
             are
             generally
             tall
             ,
             their
             hair
             of
             a
             pale
             Flaxen
             ;
             their
             heads
             like
             Sugar-loaves
             ,
             their
             Lips
             big
             like
             Moors
             ,
             and
             their
             Ears
             thick
             and
             broad
             ,
             but
             their
             Conditions
             keep
             not
             all
             one
             form
             ;
             some
             things
             they
             have
             general
             amongst
             them
             ,
             and
             they
             are
             these
             .
          
           
           
             What
             ever
             Stranger
             arrives
             amongst
             them
             ,
             they
             presently
             entertain
             him
             with
             all
             the
             pleasures
             that
             Town
             ,
             House
             and
             Table
             can
             afford
             .
             If
             ye
             come
             to
             any
             of
             them
             all
             with
             a
             Conge
             
             Spaniard-like
             ;
             and
             either
             commend
             his
             good
             face
             ,
             his
             new
             Coat
             ,
             his
             fine
             Hand
             ,
             or
             his
             fair
             House
             ;
             seasoning
             his
             Affections
             with
             admiring
             applause
             :
             Your
             obsequiousness
             will
             purchase
             you
             any
             thing
             ,
             his
             courtesie
             will
             Imagine
             nothing
             to
             dear
             for
             you
             ;
             for
             good
             words
             ,
             and
             fair
             promises
             ,
             is
             all
             the
             Money
             that
             this
             Nation
             useth
             .
          
           
             Yet
             they
             have
             Gold
             in
             abundance
             ,
             which
             they
             barter
             away
             for
             painted
             Feathers
             ,
             Glass
             Beads
             ,
             small
             Bells
             ,
             and
             the
             Shels
             of
             Snails
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             are
             of
             a
             hard
             Constitution
             ,
             going
             bare-breasted
             ,
             and
             thin
             attired
             in
             the
             depth
             of
             Winter
             ,
             to
             have
             the
             more
             benefit
             of
             the
             Ayr
             ;
             and
             wrap
             themselves
             up
             in
             Rugg
             Gowns
             in
             the
             midst
             of
             Summer
             ,
             to
             keep
             off
             the
             heat
             of
             the
             Sun.
             
             They
             have
             some
             Phylosotterical
             professors
             among
             them
             ,
             that
             will
             go
             almost
             naked
             in
             the
             midst
             of
             Winter
             in
             contempt
             of
             the
             cold
             ;
             and
             their
             reason
             is
             this
             :
             That
             seeing
             all
             Creatures
             ,
             except
             Man
             ,
             can
             be
             content
             with
             hair
             and
             hide
             only
             ,
             Why
             should
             not
             man
             ,
             that
             is
             Master
             of
             them
             all
             ,
             break
             through
             all
             the
             Battalions
             of
             Cold
             ,
             being
             only
             armed
             in
             his
             Shirt
             of
             nature
             ,
             his
             Skin
             ?
             And
             I
             promise
             you
             it
             is
             a
             very
             
               Sensible
               Argument
            
             .
          
           
             You
             shall
             never
             take
             any
             of
             them
             solitary
             ,
             for
             they
             continually
             talk
             and
             contend
             in
             Argument
             with
             themselves
             ;
             sometimes
             one
             word
             provoking
             him
             to
             tears
             ,
             and
             another
             immediatly
             to
             laughter
             ,
             the
             person
             being
             all
             this
             while
             single
             by
             himself
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             also
             certain
             Religious
             virtuosies
             ,
             among
             them
             ,
             who
             begg
             for
             scraps
             ,
             wandring
             through
             the
             verges
             of
             Fooliana
             ;
             and
             where
             they
             find
             a
             Stone
             with
             any
             Picture
             upon
             
             it
             ,
             down
             they
             go
             upon
             all
             four
             with
             strange
             mimmical
             conges
             and
             cringes
             .
             Tapers
             and
             noon-day
             meet
             ordinarily
             at
             every
             Dinner-time
             among
             them
             ,
             they
             whip
             themselves
             cruelly
             .
             First
             ,
             because
             no
             man
             but
             themselves
             will
             undergo
             such
             severe
             Lashes
             .
             Secondly
             ,
             Because
             
               Calves
               Blood
            
             is
             a
             pleasing
             Sacrifice
             in
             the
             Nostrils
             of
             their
             god
             ;
             their
             Crowns
             are
             shaved
             ,
             lest
             the
             hair
             growing
             between
             the
             Heaven
             and
             the
             brain
             ,
             should
             be
             a
             Hindrance
             to
             the
             mind
             in
             her
             Celestial
             Meditation
             .
          
           
             The
             Women
             of
             this
             Nation
             are
             the
             Principal
             Governesses
             ,
             which
             I
             was
             told
             grew
             first
             upon
             this
             occasion
             .
             The
             Shrews-Burgisses
             had
             overcome
             the
             whole
             Region
             of
             Fooliana
             ;
             yet
             notwithstanding
             ,
             by
             Reason
             of
             the
             Barrenness
             of
             the
             Soy
             I
             would
             not
             possess
             it
             ,
             but
             left
             the
             Natives
             in
             possession
             ,
             upon
             condition
             they
             did
             homage
             for
             it
             unto
             them
             ;
             paying
             them
             an
             Ass
             loaden
             with
             Gold
             yearly
             for
             Tribute
             ,
             which
             
             was
             paid
             a
             long
             time
             ,
             until
             at
             length
             the
             Foolianders
             brake
             the
             peace
             upon
             these
             Terms
             ;
             though
             as
             for
             the
             Gold
             they
             did
             not
             value
             it
             ;
             but
             were
             contented
             to
             pay
             it
             ,
             had
             it
             been
             twice
             as
             much
             ,
             provided
             the
             Shrews-Burgisses
             would
             come
             and
             fetch
             it
             themselves
             ,
             when
             it
             was
             due
             .
          
           
             But
             for
             them
             to
             force
             a
             loving
             Creature
             ,
             and
             one
             of
             their
             Native
             Town-born
             Country-Brood
             ,
             with
             severe
             strokes
             and
             lashes
             ,
             to
             bear
             this
             burthen
             out
             of
             their
             land
             against
             his
             own
             proper
             will
             and
             pleasure
             ;
             This
             they
             look
             upon
             to
             be
             very
             hard
             ,
             and
             in
             their
             Judgment
             intolerable
             ;
             whereupon
             they
             revolted
             ,
             refusing
             to
             perform
             those
             Articles
             and
             Ratifications
             on
             which
             their
             peace
             stood
             .
          
           
             This
             Revolt
             incensed
             the
             Shrews-Burgisses
             ,
             whereupon
             they
             repair
             to
             Armes
             ,
             and
             entring
             Fooliana
             ,
             marching
             without
             resistance
             through
             the
             Country
             ,
             even
             to
             the
             Metropolitan
             
             City
             of
             Blocks-ford
             ,
             otherwise
             called
             Dunce-Town
             ;
             and
             entring
             the
             same
             ,
             Allarms
             were
             suddenly
             spread
             through
             the
             City
             ,
             out
             comes
             all
             the
             Blocks-fordians
             crowding
             themselves
             in
             heaps
             without
             Armes
             ,
             or
             Order
             .
             The
             Foe
             was
             Drawn
             up
             with
             Judgment
             ,
             and
             Marshalled
             in
             good
             order
             ,
             who
             valiantly
             giving
             the
             on-set
             ,
             down
             falls
             a
             Citizen
             or
             two
             ,
             which
             the
             rest
             beholding
             ,
             fell
             prostrate
             upon
             their
             knees
             with
             Submission
             ,
             the
             Conquerors
             weapons
             were
             held
             ,
             so
             that
             there
             was
             a
             sudden
             Cessation
             of
             Arms.
             
          
           
             By
             and
             by
             one
             of
             the
             most
             Eminent
             and
             gravest
             Foolianders
             made
             a
             Speech
             after
             this
             Manner
             .
          
           
             
               
                 
                   
                     
                       Right
                       Valiant
                       and
                       Unconquerable
                       Shrews-Burgisses
                       ,
                    
                  
                   
                     HOW
                     could
                     You
                     be
                     so
                     cruel
                     ,
                     for
                     one
                     poor
                     Ass
                     ,
                     to
                     destroy
                     so
                     many
                     propper
                     Men
                     ,
                     and
                     pretty
                     Schollars
                     ;
                     for
                     as
                     much
                     as
                     one
                     living
                     Ass
                     might
                     have
                     been
                     more
                     serviceable
                     to
                     Your
                     
                     State
                     ,
                     Than
                     a
                     Thousand
                     ,
                     nay
                     ;
                     than
                     five
                     and
                     forty
                     men
                     being
                     as
                     dead
                     as
                     so
                     many
                     door-Nails
                     :
                     Now
                     therefore
                     ,
                     take
                     every
                     one
                     an
                     Ass
                     ,
                     and
                     his
                     Burthen
                     of
                     Gold
                     ,
                     for
                     we
                     had
                     rather
                     live
                     without
                     them
                     ,
                     then
                     die
                     for
                     them
                     :
                     Asses
                     are
                     not
                     so
                     scarce
                     in
                     this
                     Country
                     of
                     ours
                     ,
                     Therefore
                     we
                     intreat
                     You
                     ,
                     put
                     up
                     Your
                     shineing
                     things
                     ,
                     and
                     spare
                     the
                     Lives
                     of
                     many
                     
                       Weaponless
                       Men.
                    
                     I
                     know
                     ,
                     and
                     to
                     your
                     Honour
                     be
                     it
                     spoken
                     ,
                     that
                     your
                     Valour
                     scornes
                     to
                     try
                     the
                     utmost
                     against
                     Men
                     without
                     weapons
                     .
                     Therefore
                     we
                     submitting
                     ,
                     beseech
                     You
                     to
                     spare
                     us
                     ,
                     and
                     free
                     us
                     from
                     our
                     present
                     fears
                     .
                  
                
              
            
          
           
             Well
             ,
             the
             Conqueresses
             are
             moved
             by
             this
             pathetical
             Oration
             ,
             and
             granted
             their
             pardons
             ,
             upon
             condition
             that
             the
             Women
             of
             Fooliana
             ,
             should
             henceforth
             in
             all
             Domestick
             Imployments
             have
             preheminence
             of
             Men
             :
             To
             which
             the
             Vanquished
             gave
             their
             humble
             consents
             ,
             and
             the
             Army
             drew
             off
             ,
             marching
             back
             
             (
             with
             the
             Spoils
             in
             a
             most
             incredible
             quantity
             )
             to
             their
             own
             Garrison
             of
             Shrews-Burgh
             ,
             the
             most
             formidable
             Garrison
             of
             all
             the
             Provinces
             of
             Woman-Decoia
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             the
             Fickle
             .
          
           
             FOoliana
             the
             Fickle
             is
             the
             easternmost
             part
             of
             Fooliana
             the
             Great
             ,
             and
             Bordering
             upon
             Woman-Decoia
             or
             Shee-Landt
             ;
             but
             you
             must
             not
             expect
             an
             exact
             description
             thereof
             ;
             yet
             how
             I
             found
             it
             ,
             and
             how
             I
             left
             it
             ,
             you
             shall
             know
             as
             well
             as
             I
             ;
             but
             if
             you
             chance
             to
             go
             thither
             your self
             ,
             as
             many
             fine
             Worshipful
             Gentlemen
             ,
             and
             Men
             of
             large
             possessions
             have
             done
             within
             these
             few
             years
             ,
             and
             find
             not
             the
             State
             ,
             as
             I
             have
             described
             it
             ,
             blame
             not
             any
             defect
             in
             me
             ,
             for
             their
             Forms
             of
             Government
             are
             so
             daily
             altered
             ;
             that
             't
             is
             easier
             to
             describe
             the
             shape
             of
             Proteus
             ,
             or
             the
             Colour
             of
             a
             Camelion
             ,
             than
             discover
             their
             form
             of
             Discipline
             .
          
           
           
             I
             durst
             venture
             a
             wager
             ,
             that
             the
             Antient
             French
             were
             the
             first
             Discoverers
             of
             this
             Country
             ;
             for
             there
             are
             some
             Monuments
             remaining
             ,
             that
             that
             do
             signify
             as
             much
             ;
             as
             their
             names
             of
             Towns
             ,
             their
             most
             Antient
             Laws
             ,
             and
             their
             chief
             Coyns
             .
          
           
             Their
             Grounds
             never
             carry
             one
             certain
             form
             two
             years
             together
             ;
             that
             which
             is
             pasture
             this
             year
             ,
             shall
             be
             arrable
             the
             next
             :
             That
             which
             was
             all
             high
             Mountaines
             this
             year
             ,
             shall
             be
             carried
             away
             to
             fill
             up
             Dales
             the
             next
             :
             Nay
             ,
             they
             turn
             the
             very
             course
             of
             their
             Rivers
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             many
             Magnificent
             Cities
             ,
             but
             they
             change
             their
             Fashion
             almost
             every
             other
             day
             .
          
           
             The
             chief
             of
             these
             Cities
             ,
             at
             my
             first
             coming
             ,
             was
             called
             Fair-Felia
             ;
             but
             ere
             I
             went
             away
             ,
             it
             was
             Ordered
             in
             Counsel
             ,
             That
             it
             should
             thenceforth
             be
             called
             Butter-Flieux
             ;
             the
             whole
             frame
             of
             this
             City
             runs
             upon
             Wheels
             ,
             and
             may
             be
             drawn
             whether
             the
             Counsel
             pleases
             to
             Order
             ;
             or
             
             every
             particular
             mans
             House
             where
             the
             Owner
             sees
             good
             .
          
           
             It
             is
             Recorded
             ,
             that
             the
             whole
             City
             hath
             altered
             its
             Scituation
             a
             Hundred
             times
             since
             the
             Foundation
             ,
             and
             thirty
             times
             hath
             quite
             lost
             its
             former
             shape
             ;
             when
             I
             came
             there
             ,
             it
             was
             seated
             upon
             the
             River
             Water-less
             :
             But
             there
             was
             an
             Order
             from
             the
             Counsel
             Board
             ,
             that
             the
             next
             Winter
             it
             must
             be
             drawn
             up
             to
             the
             top
             of
             Mount
             Want-Wood
             ;
             and
             as
             I
             was
             told
             ,
             the
             last
             place
             it
             was
             wheel'd
             from
             ,
             was
             Barren-Down
             .
          
           
             The
             Rivers
             are
             so
             Frozen
             with
             extream
             Cold
             ,
             that
             if
             any
             be
             weary
             of
             its
             old
             place
             ,
             it
             may
             pass
             the
             Waters
             to
             a
             new
             one
             almost
             every
             month
             .
          
           
             These
             Cities
             often
             change
             their
             formes
             ,
             for
             every
             House
             is
             separate
             from
             the
             next
             :
             So
             that
             as
             soon
             as
             they
             find
             the
             least
             fault
             with
             the
             old
             Neighbourhood
             ,
             away
             goes
             House
             ,
             Houshold
             and
             all
             ,
             seating
             themselves
             in
             another
             Street
             where
             
             they
             find
             a
             vacancy
             be
             the
             removing
             of
             others
             .
          
           
             The
             Cities
             Arms
             had
             lately
             been
             ,
             in
             a
             field
             Argent
             ,
             three
             Snails
             bear-in
             their
             Shells
             passant
             Gules
             :
             The
             Motto
             on
             a
             Scrowl
             
               Mea
               Mecum
            
             ,
             I
             carry
             my
             own
             ;
             But
             now
             it
             is
             (
             as
             long
             as
             it
             continues
             so
             )
             A
             Field
             Vert
             ,
             charged
             with
             a
             Butterfly
             with
             Wings
             displayed
             Argent
             ,
             Flowred
             Or
             ,
             The
             Motto
             
               Vbi
               Libit
            
             ,
             where
             I
             list
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Peoples
             Conditions
             and
             Attire
             .
          
           
             THe
             Inhabitants
             go
             all
             in
             painted
             Feathers
             ,
             as
             some
             of
             the
             East
             and
             West
             Indians
             do
             ;
             for
             say
             they
             ,
             seeing
             that
             these
             light
             things
             are
             sufficient
             to
             keep
             the
             little
             Birds
             warm
             enough
             :
             Why
             should
             we
             desire
             more
             ,
             being
             much
             better
             able
             to
             bear
             out
             the
             Cold
             than
             these
             tender
             Creatures
             ?
          
           
           
             Now
             ,
             when
             they
             would
             seem
             to
             have
             new
             Cloaths
             ,
             they
             change
             the
             places
             of
             their
             Feathers
             ;
             so
             that
             that
             which
             in
             the
             Morning
             they
             wore
             on
             their
             heads
             ,
             cometh
             before
             night
             to
             wipe
             the
             dust
             from
             their
             Heels
             ;
             and
             that
             which
             kept
             the
             knee
             warm
             but
             now
             ,
             by
             and
             by
             sits
             up
             half
             a
             yard
             higher
             .
          
           
             They
             Marry
             Wives
             ,
             and
             love
             them
             confoundedly
             for
             a
             while
             ,
             till
             they
             take
             some
             occasion
             of
             dislike
             in
             their
             Old
             Bed-fellow
             :
             Or
             ,
             chance
             to
             spie
             another
             fairer
             ;
             
               Then
               farwel
               Wife
               :
               And
               welcome
               with
               all
               my
               Heart
               Huband
               ,
            
             saies
             she
             to
             another
             ;
             for
             the
             Wife
             is
             commonly
             as
             willing
             to
             change
             ,
             as
             the
             Husband
             ;
             and
             often
             takes
             the
             first
             occasion
             ,
             especially
             if
             she
             dislike
             the
             Husbands
             Cockship
             .
          
           
             They
             use
             a
             Stranger
             as
             kindly
             as
             if
             he
             were
             their
             own
             Brother
             ;
             and
             the
             next
             day
             will
             pass
             by
             him
             ,
             and
             forget
             that
             ever
             they
             saw
             him
             .
          
           
           
             They
             seldome
             or
             never
             proffer
             any
             thing
             ,
             that
             they
             do
             not
             recall
             next
             breath
             ;
             nor
             do
             they
             ever
             promise
             ,
             but
             they
             afterwards
             forswear
             it
             ;
             nor
             do
             they
             ever
             perform
             any
             thing
             ,
             which
             they
             do
             not
             afterwards
             repent
             ,
             and
             be
             sorry
             for
             ;
             what
             they
             sell
             you
             to
             day
             ,
             if
             you
             dislike
             it
             ,
             they
             will
             give
             you
             double
             the
             price
             you
             paid
             for
             it
             to
             morrow
             .
          
           
             They
             make
             their
             Laws
             new
             every
             Year
             once
             ;
             for
             say
             they
             ,
             
               It
               is
               not
               fit
               ,
               seeing
               Mans
               Life
               is
               Mutable
               ,
               that
               the
               Rules
               of
               his
               Life
               should
               not
               be
               Mutable
               also
               ;
               besides
               second
               Cogitations
               being
               most
               Generally
               perfect
               ,
               it
               is
               a
               Slavery
               to
               be
               tyed
               to
               a
               first
               Decree
               .
            
          
           
             In
             this
             City
             ,
             nigh
             the
             Asschange
             ,
             standeth
             Turncotes
             Tomb
             ;
             upon
             which
             I
             read
             this
             following
             Incription
             ,
             in
             the
             Foolianick
             Tongue
             .
          
           
             Stay
             ,
             Sit
             ,
             Walk
             ,
             Read
             :
             Here
             Lyeth
             ,
             Standing
             upright
             ,
             
               Tomkin
               
               Turncote
            
             ,
             who
             was
             neither
             Forreigner
             nor
             Freeman
             ;
             Slave
             nor
             Soldier
             ,
             Physitian
             nor
             Fencer
             ,
             Cobler
             nor
             Courtier
             ,
             Lawyer
             nor
             Usurer
             ;
             But
             All.
             Who
             lived
             neither
             in
             City
             nor
             Country
             ,
             neither
             at
             Home
             nor
             Abroad
             ,
             neither
             at
             Sea
             nor
             on
             Land
             ;
             nor
             here
             nor
             elsewhere
             :
             But
             every
             where
             .
             Who
             Dyed
             neither
             of
             Hungar
             nor
             Chirst
             ,
             nor
             Poyson
             nor
             Pox
             ,
             nor
             Hatchet
             nor
             Halter
             ,
             neither
             by
             Casualty
             nor
             Disease
             ,
             but
             of
             all
             together
             .
             I
             
               P.
               Q.
            
             Being
             neither
             his
             Debter
             nor
             Creditor
             ,
             nor
             Heir
             nor
             Executor
             ,
             nor
             Kinsman
             nor
             Friend
             ,
             nor
             Neighbour
             nor
             Stranger
             ,
             but
             all
             .
             In
             his
             Memory
             have
             erected
             this
             ,
             neither
             Monument
             nor
             Comb
             ,
             nor
             Sepulcher
             nor
             Grave
             ;
             But
             all
             these
             .
             Wishing
             neither
             Evil
             nor
             Good
             ,
             neither
             to
             Thee
             nor
             Mee
             ,
             nor
             Him
             ,
             But
             All
             unto
             All.
             
          
           
             This
             City
             stands
             at
             present
             within
             few
             Miles
             of
             the
             City
             of
             Giggum-Bobba
             :
             
             So
             famous
             for
             the
             Invention
             of
             Pendants
             ,
             Knots
             ,
             Fanns
             and
             false
             Curls
             for
             the
             Females
             :
             Here
             also
             was
             found
             out
             that
             most
             Incomparable
             Fashion
             of
             
               Sholder
               Tassells
            
             ,
             by
             which
             any
             Ingenious
             Man
             with
             careful
             Observation
             ,
             may
             come
             to
             know
             his
             Right
             hand
             from
             his
             left
             ,
             and
             therein
             readily
             answer
             the
             Queriest
             without
             study
             .
          
           
             As
             I
             Travelled
             along
             the
             Valley
             Capricious
             ,
             I
             chanced
             to
             enter
             a
             Town
             that
             had
             some
             shape
             of
             an
             University
             :
             The
             Name
             they
             told
             me
             was
             Gallipotilliter
             ;
             here
             I
             met
             with
             some
             Shadows
             of
             Philosophers
             ,
             but
             no
             substance
             :
             It
             is
             lost
             labour
             to
             look
             for
             any
             Lectors
             ,
             Rectors
             ,
             Books
             ,
             or
             Schools
             of
             the
             Seven
             Sciences
             here
             ;
             every
             particular
             man
             being
             his
             own
             Teacher
             ,
             and
             his
             own
             Auditor
             :
             Yet
             here
             are
             two
             Colledges
             ;
             one
             of
             the
             Scepticks
             ,
             who
             deny
             that
             any
             trust
             is
             to
             be
             given
             to
             the
             Sence
             ;
             and
             they
             are
             herein
             so
             absolute
             ,
             that
             they
             will
             not
             believe
             
             any
             thing
             positive
             .
             Steal
             away
             one
             of
             their
             Purses
             ,
             or
             his
             Gown
             ,
             and
             he
             presently
             falls
             in
             doubt
             ,
             whether
             ever
             he
             was
             possessor
             of
             such
             a
             thing
             or
             no.
             Strike
             one
             of
             them
             as
             hard
             as
             you
             can
             ,
             he
             doubts
             whether
             you
             struck
             or
             not
             ,
             or
             whether
             he
             felt
             any
             stroke
             or
             not
             .
             Speak
             to
             him
             ,
             or
             touch
             him
             ,
             though
             he
             hears
             ,
             feels
             and
             sees
             ,
             yet
             he
             dares
             not
             assure
             himself
             ,
             that
             any
             one
             thing
             of
             this
             is
             true
             .
          
           
             The
             other
             Colledg
             ,
             consisteth
             wholly
             of
             Gewgawists
             ,
             who
             give
             themselves
             wholly
             to
             the
             Invention
             of
             Novelties
             ;
             in
             Sports
             ,
             Games
             ,
             Buildings
             ,
             Garments
             and
             Governments
             .
             He
             that
             can
             devise
             a
             new
             Game
             ,
             or
             a
             New
             fashion
             ,
             according
             to
             his
             Invention
             ,
             hath
             a
             place
             of
             Dignity
             Assigned
             him
             by
             the
             Duke
             .
          
           
             He
             that
             first
             Invented
             to
             blow
             bladders
             of
             Sope
             and
             Water
             out
             of
             a
             Galli-pot
             with
             a
             Tobacco-pipe
             ,
             is
             of
             as
             great
             Renown
             among
             them
             ,
             as
             
             the
             Inventers
             of
             Printing
             ,
             Gun-founding
             ,
             and
             the
             most
             Ingenious
             of
             Water-works
             are
             amongst
             us
             of
             Europe
             .
             These
             Gewgawists
             are
             in
             great
             esteem
             at
             Court
             ,
             and
             among
             the
             meaner
             sort
             too
             ;
             for
             many
             of
             them
             will
             not
             so
             much
             as
             have
             a
             Button
             sewed
             to
             their
             Coats
             ,
             without
             first
             consulting
             their
             Approbations
             .
          
           
             These
             Gewgawists
             are
             not
             only
             Scholars
             ,
             but
             Originals
             ,
             for
             they
             have
             devised
             a
             new
             Language
             ,
             wherein
             they
             keep
             the
             Mysteries
             of
             their
             knowledg
             only
             to
             themselves
             :
             It
             is
             called
             the
             Supermonical
             Tongue
             ,
             Parracelsus
             was
             provast
             of
             the
             Colledg
             ,
             whose
             Judgment
             went
             a
             great
             way
             in
             the
             Invention
             of
             this
             strange
             Language
             .
             But
             indeed
             ,
             I
             am
             not
             sure
             whether
             this
             Tongue
             continues
             still
             amongst
             them
             ,
             or
             has
             by
             this
             time
             given
             place
             to
             some
             Language
             of
             the
             Later
             Edition
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             the
             Fond.
             
          
           
             THis
             Part
             of
             Fooliana
             is
             the
             largest
             ,
             and
             most
             Antient
             of
             all
             the
             rest
             .
             The
             Inhabitants
             of
             it
             affirm
             themselves
             the
             Original
             of
             all
             other
             Nations
             ,
             as
             Blocksford
             the
             Mother
             of
             all
             other
             Cities
             .
          
           
             It
             Lieth
             in
             the
             midst
             of
             the
             rest
             ,
             as
             the
             Navel
             of
             this
             goodly
             Body
             ;
             on
             the
             East
             it
             hath
             Fooliana
             the
             Fickle
             ;
             on
             the
             West
             the
             Devout
             ;
             and
             on
             the
             North
             the
             Fatt
             .
             The
             Southern
             part
             of
             it
             is
             called
             Cocks-Combaia
             ,
             of
             which
             the
             farthest
             Sourthern
             canton
             is
             just
             under
             the
             Pole
             ,
             where
             there
             is
             an
             
               Iron
               Rock
            
             ,
             just
             like
             the
             Rock
             of
             Loadstone
             that
             is
             under
             the
             North
             Pole
             ,
             and
             this
             is
             the
             reason
             why
             the
             Compass
             (
             after
             you
             are
             past
             the
             Equinoctial
             )
             declines
             toward
             the
             South
             .
          
           
             This
             part
             of
             the
             Province
             of
             Cocks-Combaia
             ,
             is
             peopled
             with
             sloathful
             Inhabitants
             ,
             but
             the
             Northern
             
             part
             is
             possessed
             by
             more
             Industrious
             and
             Active
             Spirits
             .
          
           
             Had
             I
             not
             beheld
             the
             strange
             beviour
             of
             these
             Southern
             Cocks-Combaians
             ,
             I
             could
             never
             have
             believed
             that
             Nature
             had
             bestowed
             so
             Divine
             a
             Gift
             as
             Reason
             ,
             upon
             such
             bruitish
             Animals
             ;
             for
             all
             of
             them
             go
             like
             Beasts
             upon
             all
             four
             ,
             nor
             do
             they
             know
             any
             other
             way
             of
             Travelling
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             no
             house
             in
             all
             this
             part
             of
             the
             Country
             ,
             because
             ,
             neither
             the
             Inhabitants
             can
             build
             any
             themselves
             ,
             nor
             will
             suffer
             others
             to
             Build
             any
             ;
             for
             they
             dare
             not
             adventure
             under
             a
             Roof
             ,
             lest
             it
             should
             fall
             upon
             their
             heads
             .
          
           
             They
             are
             every
             year
             many
             of
             them
             starved
             to
             death
             ,
             with
             hunger
             and
             cold
             ,
             for
             they
             can
             neither
             dress
             their
             meat
             ,
             nor
             make
             themselves
             Apparrel
             ,
             or
             Bedding
             ;
             nor
             can
             they
             speak
             one
             word
             of
             Sence
             ,
             There
             's
             not
             a
             man
             of
             them
             knows
             his
             own
             Father
             ,
             nor
             his
             own
             Son
             ,
             nor
             Wife
             ;
             nor
             how
             to
             Return
             the
             
             same
             way
             he
             came
             ,
             nor
             can
             distinguish
             a
             Bear
             from
             a
             Sheep
             ,
             or
             a
             Lyon
             from
             a
             Catt
             ;
             nay
             ,
             there
             are
             some
             of
             them
             ,
             that
             cannot
             tell
             whether
             they
             should
             put
             their
             meat
             in
             at
             their
             Mouths
             ,
             Nostrils
             ,
             or
             Ears
             .
             In
             short
             ,
             Imagin
             you
             saw
             a
             real
             Ass
             in
             Humane
             shape
             ,
             and
             such
             a
             one
             is
             a
             true
             
               South-Country
               Cocks-Combaian
            
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Ass-Sex
             .
          
           
             ASS-Sex
             a
             Northern
             part
             of
             Fooliana
             the
             Fond
             ,
             is
             somewhat
             better
             furnished
             with
             wit
             ,
             and
             worthyer
             of
             a
             Travellers
             Observation
             ;
             the
             People
             account
             themselves
             wondeful
             wise
             ,
             and
             profess
             the
             searching
             into
             Natures
             most
             Abstruce
             Effects
             ,
             never
             leaving
             till
             they
             have
             drawn
             one
             reason
             or
             other
             ,
             from
             the
             very
             bottom
             of
             Investigation
             .
          
           
             They
             have
             but
             one
             eye
             a
             piece
             ;
             not
             Born
             so
             ,
             but
             the
             Parents
             at
             the
             
             Childs
             Birth
             plucks
             out
             the
             other
             as
             being
             useless
             in
             nature
             ;
             for
             say
             they
             ,
             when
             one
             Eye
             is
             shut
             ,
             the
             other
             hath
             a
             stronger
             faculty
             to
             discern
             .
          
           
             Part
             of
             this
             Nation
             go
             all
             naked
             ,
             to
             avoid
             the
             Labour
             of
             caseing
             and
             uncaseing
             :
             Some
             of
             them
             have
             Houses
             built
             without
             Walls
             ,
             that
             the
             fresh
             Aire
             may
             have
             free
             Access
             ;
             some
             of
             them
             build
             Nests
             like
             Daws
             in
             the
             highest
             Trees
             ,
             partly
             because
             they
             might
             dwell
             nigher
             Heaven
             ,
             and
             partly
             to
             exercise
             themselves
             in
             Climbing
             .
          
           
             Every
             particular
             man
             has
             his
             peculiar
             Opinion
             ,
             and
             profession
             ;
             ambition
             and
             desire
             of
             Glory
             ,
             draws
             some
             of
             them
             into
             strange
             and
             incredible
             Actions
             ;
             you
             shall
             have
             some
             going
             up
             and
             down
             the
             Streets
             on
             their
             Heads
             and
             Hands
             ,
             others
             flying
             about
             with
             Wings
             made
             of
             Wax
             and
             Feathers
             .
          
           
           
             Some
             like
             your
             
               Italian
               Mountebanks
            
             ,
             draw
             the
             People
             together
             ,
             to
             behold
             the
             effects
             of
             some
             rare
             Vnguento
             ,
             or
             some
             strange
             Engine
             .
          
           
             Others
             out
             of
             the
             basest
             Mettals
             ,
             by
             a
             Secret
             Art
             ,
             can
             extract
             the
             purest
             Gold
             ;
             't
             is
             worth
             the
             laughing
             at
             ,
             to
             see
             the
             Toylsome
             folly
             of
             these
             Extractors
             :
             These
             Students
             for
             the
             
               Phylosopher
               Stone
            
             ;
             for
             look
             ye
             ,
             while
             they
             hope
             all
             goes
             well
             ,
             it
             being
             brought
             to
             the
             Magnitude
             of
             a
             Brick-Bat
             ,
             they
             are
             gull'd
             ,
             and
             gull'd
             and
             Treble
             gull'd
             ,
             and
             yet
             can't
             find
             in
             their
             hearts
             to
             give
             ▪
             it
             over
             ,
             till
             all
             their
             Gold
             be
             converted
             to
             Dross
             ,
             and
             all
             their
             Land
             by
             fire
             turn'd
             to
             Aire
             .
          
           
             One
             of
             them
             of
             late
             ,
             as
             I
             was
             informed
             ,
             would
             needs
             repair
             to
             the
             Oracle
             ,
             to
             know
             the
             event
             of
             this
             so
             ponderous
             a
             business
             ;
             the
             Oracle
             gave
             him
             this
             answer
             ,
             Travaillex
             ,
             which
             is
             ,
             
               take
               pains
            
             ;
             home
             comes
             my
             Student
             with
             such
             an
             Extacy
             of
             Joy
             ,
             as
             if
             he
             had
             hold
             
             of
             his
             god
             by
             the
             Finger
             ;
             and
             when
             all
             came
             to
             all
             ,
             it
             was
             the
             
               Devil
               by
               the
               great
               Toe
            
             .
             Well
             ,
             to
             work
             he
             falls
             ,
             with
             Circulations
             ,
             Sublimations
             ,
             Conjunctions
             and
             Ferminations
             ,
             till
             all
             his
             Brazen
             headless
             labour
             ended
             in
             putrefaction
             ,
             till
             Revenues
             and
             Reputation
             were
             both
             dead
             and
             rotten
             ;
             whereas
             indeed
             ,
             the
             Oracle
             gave
             him
             better
             Councel
             than
             he
             could
             comprehend
             ,
             
               Take
               Pains
            
             .
             That
             is
             ,
          
           
             A
             Mathook
             ,
             and
             a
             Spade
             ,
             will
             get
             thee
             Gold
             ,
          
           
             Sooner
             than
             Chymistry
             a
             Thousand
             Fold
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Cityes
             of
             Cockscom-baya
             and
             Ass-Sex
             ,
             and
             of
             Blocks-ford
             the
             Metropolitan
             .
          
           
             THe
             first
             City
             I
             Accosted
             in
             this
             Country
             ,
             was
             Hollow-Pate
             ,
             a
             Town
             of
             Good
             antiquity
             and
             well
             contrived
             ,
             but
             affords
             no
             rarity
             ;
             therefore
             I
             leave
             it
             ,
             and
             pass
             on
             to
             
             Bauble-dock
             ,
             a
             Corporation
             Worthily
             Famous
             ,
             for
             the
             Wisdom
             of
             their
             Aldermen
             :
             These
             men
             a
             little
             before
             my
             arrival
             ,
             held
             a
             Court
             about
             Determination
             of
             a
             very
             doubtful
             matter
             ;
             which
             was
             thus
             .
          
           
             The
             Sky
             was
             very
             Cloudy
             ,
             and
             a
             terrible
             storm
             of
             Rain
             or
             hail
             was
             generally
             feared
             .
             The
             Mayor
             immediately
             calls
             a
             Bench
             ,
             who
             were
             to
             Consult
             how
             to
             dispel
             the
             suspected
             Storm
             .
          
           
             The
             First
             Mans
             advice
             ,
             was
             to
             Ring
             all
             the
             Bells
             in
             the
             Town
             ;
             another
             Advised
             rather
             to
             make
             great
             Fires
             in
             every
             Street
             ;
             thereby
             to
             dry
             up
             the
             Moysture
             of
             those
             thick
             Clouds
             ;
             at
             length
             ,
             the
             Opinion
             of
             one
             of
             the
             gravest
             Aldermen
             was
             demanded
             ,
             who
             standing
             up
             ,
             Confutes
             the
             Opinions
             of
             the
             two
             former
             Politicians
             ,
             adding
             his
             advice
             ,
             which
             was
             ,
             that
             the
             only
             quirk
             to
             avoid
             the
             impending
             peremptory
             Storm
             ,
             was
             to
             Issue
             forth
             Immediate
             Orders
             ,
             commanding
             
             all
             the
             Citizens
             to
             shroud
             themselves
             under
             the
             Roofs
             of
             their
             own
             Houses
             ,
             and
             so
             let
             it
             all
             fall
             to
             the
             ground
             ,
             that
             so
             when
             those
             biggfac'd
             ,
             bragging
             Clouds
             ,
             found
             no
             resistance
             ,
             they
             would
             destroy
             themselves
             ,
             and
             expend
             their
             fury
             before
             they
             were
             aware
             ;
             Was
             not
             this
             an
             ingenious
             Intrigue
             ?
             Yes
             ,
             believe
             me
             t'
             was
             ,
             and
             had
             the
             Unanimous
             approbation
             of
             the
             whole
             Bench
             ;
             
               Twittle
               Twattle
               ,
               don't
               tell
               me
               ,
               Wisdom
               is
               not
               bound
               to
               Inhabit
               only
               Europe
               .
            
          
           
             Blocks-ford
             The
             very
             eye
             of
             all
             Terrestial
             Cities
             is
             here
             seated
             ,
             
               Civitas
               Angelorum
            
             ,
             are
             but
             Peas-Markets
             in
             comparison
             of
             this
             .
          
           
             It
             stands
             partly
             on
             a
             plashy
             plain
             ,
             and
             partly
             upon
             a
             little
             Mountain
             ,
             both
             lying
             Northward
             ,
             a
             great
             distance
             from
             any
             Wood
             or
             River
             :
             The
             upper
             part
             of
             the
             Town
             serves
             the
             lower
             with
             Snow-Water
             ;
             the
             lower
             serving
             the
             upper
             with
             Spring-Water
             .
          
           
           
             There
             are
             in
             the
             Circumference
             of
             the
             Walls
             ,
             just
             
               Sixteen
               Gates
            
             ,
             wherein
             (
             to
             the
             Founders
             Fame
             )
             it
             exceeds
             all
             the
             Cities
             of
             the
             World
             by
             four
             ;
             the
             Geometrical
             form
             is
             neither
             Circuler
             nor
             Oval
             ,
             but
             like
             the
             portraiture
             of
             a
             mans
             Body
             ;
             he
             that
             Surveys
             this
             Town
             ,
             will
             Imagine
             that
             he
             beholds
             Prometheus
             ,
             as
             he
             lies
             bound
             upon
             Mount
             Adazer
             :
             Or
             ,
             the
             Lineaments
             of
             some
             mighty
             Colossus
             .
          
           
             The
             Market
             place
             is
             on
             the
             Hills
             top
             ,
             for
             that
             being
             the
             Head
             of
             the
             City
             ,
             Administers
             life
             and
             Nourishment
             to
             the
             expanded
             Body
             .
          
           
             On
             this
             Mountains
             top
             ,
             the
             Magnificoes
             and
             Seniors
             of
             the
             City
             have
             their
             habitations
             ,
             to
             the
             end
             ,
             that
             as
             they
             are
             the
             Head
             and
             Eye
             of
             of
             the
             City
             ;
             so
             the
             Body
             should
             lye
             as
             a
             fitter
             Object
             to
             their
             prospect
             .
          
           
             Down
             from
             this
             head
             descendeth
             a
             narrow
             Street
             ,
             which
             resembles
             the
             Neck
             ;
             which
             is
             Inhabited
             only
             
             with
             
               Sergeants
               ,
               Beadles
            
             ,
             and
             
               Deputy
               Constables
            
             :
             From
             the
             lower
             end
             of
             this
             Street
             ,
             do
             two
             other
             extend
             themselves
             on
             either
             side
             ,
             resembling
             the
             Arms
             and
             Hands
             .
             These
             are
             peopled
             ,
             though
             but
             sorrily
             ,
             with
             Handy-crafts
             Men
             ,
             but
             with
             few
             or
             no
             Crafts-Masters
             .
          
           
             The
             Bulk
             of
             this
             Fabrick
             Lyes
             in
             a
             Broader
             Street
             ,
             and
             here
             you
             have
             all
             your
             
               Inns
               ,
               Ale-Houses
            
             ,
             and
             Taverns
             ,
             down
             to
             the
             Loyns
             ;
             the
             lower
             parts
             being
             Inhabited
             by
             
               Scavingers
               ,
               Jackes-Firmers
               ,
               Broom-Men
               ,
               Fish-Wives
               ,
            
             and
             
               Card-match
               Wenches
            
             ,
             which
             I
             shall
             Let
             alone
             .
          
           
             The
             Magnificoes
             build
             their
             Houses
             of
             a
             stately
             Form
             ,
             and
             very
             lofty
             ,
             to
             be
             thereby
             the
             nearer
             to
             Heaven
             ;
             and
             more
             elevated
             from
             this
             unrefined
             Dunghil
             of
             Terrestial
             Conversation
             .
             Their
             Houses
             are
             curiously
             depicted
             within
             ,
             with
             the
             Names
             of
             their
             Ancestors
             ,
             Guests
             ,
             and
             intimate
             Acquaintance
             ;
             
               Done
               with
               Charcoal
               ,
               or
               the
               Flame
               of
               a
               Tallow
               Candle
               .
            
          
           
           
             The
             Grand-Dunsonions
             ,
             for
             so
             the
             Burgomasters
             Tytle
             themselves
             ,
             whilst
             I
             was
             there
             ,
             held
             a
             Parliament
             about
             matters
             of
             State
             in
             general
             ;
             and
             in
             particular
             about
             Securing
             ,
             Brautifying
             ,
             and
             Advancing
             the
             Publick
             good
             of
             this
             City
             of
             Blocks-ford
             ,
             where
             every
             one
             (
             as
             is
             allowed
             )
             gave
             his
             Opinion
             ,
             touching
             the
             Commodious
             Advantages
             thereof
             ;
             one
             Advises
             them
             to
             cause
             a
             Convenient
             Haven
             to
             be
             cut
             through
             the
             Mountains
             ,
             (
             though
             it
             was
             above
             five
             hundred
             Miles
             from
             the
             Sea
             )
             that
             Ships
             may
             Trade
             to
             the
             City
             ;
             produceing
             examples
             of
             other
             Cities
             ,
             whose
             Glory
             stood
             wholly
             upon
             the
             Riches
             of
             a
             Navigable
             Trade
             .
          
           
             A
             Second
             riseth
             ,
             and
             to
             confute
             all
             the
             others
             Arguments
             ,
             Discourses
             what
             a
             dangerous
             thing
             it
             is
             to
             repose
             Confidence
             in
             such
             an
             inconstant
             element
             ;
             producing
             divers
             Examples
             of
             Cities
             that
             lay
             buried
             in
             the
             devouring
             Womb
             of
             the
             Seas
             .
          
           
           
             Another
             rather
             advises
             ,
             that
             Conduits
             may
             be
             Erected
             in
             the
             Vallies
             ,
             that
             will
             elevate
             ,
             and
             defuse
             the
             Water
             in
             smaller
             streams
             ,
             without
             fear
             of
             Delluges
             ;
             which
             may
             be
             conveyed
             in
             pipes
             from
             below
             to
             the
             Mountains
             top
             ,
             which
             is
             easy
             to
             be
             done
             ;
             saies
             he
             ,
             for
             if
             you
             observe
             the
             Water
             ,
             how
             it
             bubbles
             upwards
             ,
             thereby
             denoting
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             willing
             to
             ascend
             ,
             if
             it
             had
             but
             Pipes
             for
             Conveyence
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             none
             of
             these
             passes
             the
             Approbation
             of
             the
             Bench
             ,
             but
             then
             suddenly
             up
             starts
             a
             Fourth
             ,
             and
             he
             is
             for
             raising
             a
             high
             Mountain
             above
             the
             City
             ,
             for
             these
             subsequent
             uses
             .
          
           
             First
             ,
             because
             the
             whole
             World
             might
             not
             take
             notice
             of
             the
             Actions
             of
             the
             Blocks-fordians
             ;
             and
             more
             especially
             of
             the
             Grand-Dunsonions
             .
             Secondly
             ,
             That
             thereby
             the
             City
             would
             be
             better
             fortified
             .
             Thirdly
             ,
             That
             they
             might
             be
             better
             defended
             from
             Cold
             ,
             by
             the
             warm
             Scituation
             of
             the
             City
             ,
             under
             so
             high
             a
             Mount
             ;
             
             and
             that
             this
             Mountain
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             the
             Valley
             should
             dig
             below
             ,
             and
             so
             lay
             it
             together
             above
             the
             head
             of
             the
             City
             ,
             and
             then
             a
             Bridge
             should
             be
             built
             from
             one
             Mountain
             to
             the
             other
             ;
             by
             which
             the
             City
             might
             be
             Accommodated
             with
             necessaries
             .
          
           
             This
             Speech
             ended
             ,
             up
             steps
             another
             ,
             and
             smiling
             ,
             demands
             if
             it
             were
             possible
             
               that
               a
               Valley
               should
               produce
               a
               Mountain
               :
            
             But
             said
             he
             ,
             should
             we
             allow
             a
             posibility
             ,
             yet
             to
             build
             a
             Bridg
             were
             indiscretion
             ;
             for
             ,
             should
             a
             Traveller
             stumble
             ,
             or
             lose
             foot-hold
             ;
             there
             were
             no
             way
             in
             the
             World
             to
             escape
             present
             death
             ,
             or
             which
             is
             worse
             ,
             the
             breaking
             of
             an
             Arm
             or
             a
             Leg
             :
             No
             ,
             but
             if
             my
             small
             Experience
             in
             State-Affairs
             ,
             may
             Receive
             Approbation
             of
             this
             Grave
             Assembly
             of
             Dunsonions
             ,
             I
             would
             rather
             advise
             to
             an
             enterprise
             which
             may
             be
             easily
             effected
             ,
             and
             would
             advance
             the
             Honour
             and
             Dignity
             of
             this
             Metropolitan
             City
             ,
             which
             is
             this
             :
          
           
           
             That
             every
             man
             according
             to
             his
             Ability
             ,
             shall
             erect
             a
             Spire
             upon
             the
             top
             of
             his
             House
             ;
             and
             upon
             the
             uppermost
             point
             thereof
             shall
             advance
             a
             Cock
             ,
             Vulgarly
             called
             a
             Weather-Cock
             ;
             either
             of
             Brass
             ,
             or
             Silver
             ,
             with
             a
             Combe
             of
             Gold
             ,
             or
             Goldsmiths
             Work.
             This
             Cock
             to
             be
             moveable
             ,
             and
             to
             follow
             the
             express
             commands
             of
             the
             Wind.
             
          
           
             And
             in
             every
             Spire
             I
             would
             have
             Chimes
             ,
             or
             at
             least
             a
             Clock
             ,
             to
             strike
             hourly
             ;
             which
             being
             once
             compleated
             ,
             O!
             What
             Pathetick
             Spirit
             can
             express
             the
             reduplicated
             delight
             which
             will
             redound
             from
             hence
             ,
             both
             to
             the
             Eye
             and
             Ear
             !
          
           
             To
             see
             such
             a
             glittering
             fulgur
             of
             
               Lofty
               Spires
            
             ,
             and
             to
             hear
             such
             a
             sweet
             Clamor
             of
             
               Harmonious
               Bells
            
             .
          
           
             He
             had
             not
             quite
             closed
             his
             Mouth
             ,
             before
             the
             whole
             Court
             opens
             in
             Acclamations
             ,
             and
             Approbations
             ,
             of
             this
             Project
             ,
             so
             gravely
             and
             States-Man
             like
             propounded
             ,
             and
             presently
             the
             Bench
             arose
             ,
             
             Commanding
             the
             performance
             ,
             according
             to
             this
             so
             Learned
             Advice
             ;
             so
             that
             ,
             he
             that
             in
             his
             Travels
             shall
             hereafter
             Arrive
             at
             this
             City
             ,
             will
             find
             it
             in
             far
             more
             Glorious
             Estate
             then
             it
             was
             my
             hap
             to
             behold
             .
             That
             's
             certain
             ,
             for
             I
             saw
             some
             of
             the
             Scaffolds
             raised
             before
             I
             came
             from
             thence
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             the
             Marquisate
             of
             Spendall-ezza
             .
          
           
             NEre
             unto
             Blocks-ford
             ,
             lyeth
             the
             Marquisate
             of
             Spendall-ezza
             ,
             a
             Country
             not
             long
             since
             very
             Rich
             ,
             and
             of
             Antique
             and
             Honourable
             Memory
             ;
             but
             now
             it
             is
             quite
             gon
             down
             the
             Wind
             :
             I
             observed
             nothing
             worthy
             of
             note
             ,
             except
             a
             Large
             Forrest
             called
             
               Acteons
               Dogg-Kennel
            
             ,
             and
             an
             Eight
             square
             City
             called
             Hey-Dice
             ;
             with
             another
             little
             Corporation
             ,
             by
             the
             Inhabitants
             named
             Hawks-Pearch
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             of
             all
             these
             are
             
             the
             only
             Spenders
             under
             the
             Moon
             ;
             they
             study
             nothing
             in
             the
             World
             but
             the
             Mistery
             of
             scattering
             ;
             some
             delighting
             in
             Rich
             Habits
             ,
             some
             in
             Doggs
             ,
             some
             in
             Hawks
             ,
             some
             upon
             a
             pair
             of
             
               Ivory
               Cubes
            
             ,
             or
             
               A
               pack
               of
               Speckled
               Past-boards
            
             ;
             and
             thus
             their
             patrimonies
             take
             Wing
             ,
             and
             when
             all
             is
             gone
             but
             Garments
             ,
             Ene
             have
             at
             all
             ,
             and
             farewell
             them
             too
             .
          
           
             The
             Dice
             ,
             or
             the
             Brokers
             ,
             are
             their
             Ordinary
             Chapmen
             ;
             well
             ,
             what
             's
             a
             man
             but
             his
             pleasure
             :
             But
             now
             whether
             this
             Marquisate
             belongs
             to
             
               Fooliana
               the
               Fond
            
             :
             Or
             ,
             
               the
               Fat
            
             ?
             that
             I
             cannot
             resolve
             :
             But
             however
             ,
             I
             am
             sure
             't
             is
             within
             the
             Territories
             of
             
               Fooliana
               the
               Great
            
             .
          
           
             Some
             Lawyers
             and
             Usurers
             have
             formerly
             inhabited
             about
             this
             Country
             ,
             but
             in
             this
             Latter
             Age
             they
             are
             all
             transported
             ,
             and
             most
             of
             them
             dwell
             now
             about
             the
             City
             of
             Pick-Pocket-an-gul
             ,
             in
             the
             Province
             of
             Thevingenia
             ,
             of
             which
             I
             shall
             discourse
             by
             and
             by
             .
          
           
           
             In
             this
             Continent
             joyning
             to
             Spendall-ezza
             ,
             is
             the
             Antient
             port
             of
             Cold-harbour
             ,
             which
             is
             joyning
             to
             
               Prodigalls
               Promentory
            
             ,
             which
             is
             a
             Sanctuary
             to
             Banckrupt
             Debtors
             .
             To
             this
             place
             Resorts
             all
             that
             are
             cast
             in
             Law
             ,
             or
             such
             as
             are
             Insufficient
             to
             satisfie
             their
             deluded
             Creditors
             .
          
           
             Those
             in
             this
             Country
             that
             have
             any
             Sons
             ,
             Assign
             them
             their
             patrimonys
             before
             Nature
             allows
             them
             any
             Beards
             :
             And
             if
             in
             case
             they
             dye
             before
             this
             time
             ,
             all
             the
             Estate
             is
             left
             to
             their
             Wives
             ;
             out
             of
             which
             she
             pays
             their
             debts
             by
             Sequestration
             .
             But
             if
             they
             bury
             their
             Wives
             ,
             they
             lavish
             more
             on
             their
             Funerals
             ,
             than
             would
             serve
             for
             a
             portion
             with
             the
             Foulest
             of
             their
             Daughters
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Clawback-Court
             .
          
           
             BEtween
             this
             Marquisate
             and
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat
             ,
             lieth
             another
             Nation
             called
             Clawback-Court
             ,
             which
             is
             peopled
             with
             the
             strangest
             Monsters
             that
             ever
             man
             beheld
             ;
             every
             man
             has
             two
             faces
             ,
             and
             speaks
             with
             two
             Tongues
             .
          
           
             This
             Nation
             is
             Born
             to
             servitude
             ,
             and
             voluntarily
             make
             themselves
             Slaves
             to
             the
             Magnificoes
             of
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat
             ,
             which
             Borders
             upon
             this
             Country
             ?
             And
             though
             they
             are
             so
             sottish
             ,
             that
             they
             cannot
             of
             themselves
             enterprise
             any
             thing
             worthy
             of
             commendation
             ;
             yet
             they
             can
             immitate
             ,
             and
             Counterfeit
             any
             Action
             they
             see
             done
             before
             them
             .
             The
             World
             has
             not
             the
             like
             for
             exact
             resemblances
             ;
             they
             neither
             wear
             Attire
             ,
             speak
             word
             ,
             or
             do
             deed
             ,
             but
             they
             have
             seen
             the
             like
             before
             .
          
           
           
             When
             I
             was
             there
             ,
             they
             halted
             all
             upon
             one
             Leg
             ,
             and
             went
             Spiting
             and
             Spawling
             from
             Morning
             till
             Night
             :
             The
             Reason
             was
             ,
             as
             I
             since
             understood
             ,
             that
             Seignor-Tickle-Ear
             their
             Governour
             ,
             had
             of
             late
             hurt
             his
             Foot
             ,
             and
             withall
             was
             troubled
             with
             an
             Old
             
               Pocky
               Cough
            
             .
          
           
             There
             are
             by
             Report
             ,
             some
             Gallants
             among
             them
             ,
             pertaining
             to
             the
             Court
             ,
             speak
             to
             ,
             or
             look
             but
             upon
             one
             of
             them
             ,
             and
             you
             shall
             have
             him
             presently
             kiss
             his
             hand
             ,
             cringe
             in
             the
             Ham
             ,
             and
             with
             a
             Laborious
             Congee
             ,
             like
             an
             Eccho
             ,
             Reverberate
             the
             last
             word
             you
             speak
             ;
             and
             with
             an
             Applauding
             smile
             twist
             within
             you
             ,
             with
             the
             most
             fawning
             Terms
             immaginable
             ,
             Mustring
             up
             a
             whole
             Heralds-Office
             of
             Titles
             ,
             and
             top-heavie
             Preambles
             .
             Then
             putting
             his
             lips
             together
             ,
             stand
             hovering
             for
             your
             next
             Syllable
             ,
             to
             understand
             how
             his
             last
             was
             approved
             :
             which
             if
             Current
             ,
             though
             scarcely
             Sense
             ,
             is
             presently
             Recorded
             in
             his
             
             Tables
             as
             more
             than
             Humane
             Conceipt
             ,
             nay
             ,
             as
             an
             adored
             Oracle
             ;
             then
             standing
             with
             his
             Eyes
             fixt
             on
             the
             Element
             ,
             adores
             you
             with
             as
             warm
             a
             Zeal
             ,
             as
             a
             Drink-All-Main
             does
             Bacchus
             upon
             all
             four
             .
          
           
             These
             increditable
             Courtiers
             are
             the
             Principal
             Gentry
             in
             these
             parts
             ,
             or
             at
             least
             their
             outward
             appearance
             presents
             them
             so
             :
             As
             for
             the
             rest
             ,
             they
             are
             ,
             or
             look
             like
             
               Barbers
               ,
               Sales-Men
            
             and
             Milleners
             .
          
           
             They
             acknowledge
             no
             God
             ,
             but
             the
             man
             whom
             they
             make
             choice
             to
             serve
             ;
             and
             him
             they
             observe
             with
             more
             Sacrifices
             and
             Adoration
             than
             an
             Idol
             ,
             but
             it
             is
             from
             the
             the
             Teeth
             Outwards
             .
          
           
             The
             first
             City
             in
             this
             Region
             is
             called
             ,
             Praise-all
             :
             A
             sight-affecting
             Structure
             ;
             but
             so
             slightly
             Built
             ,
             that
             there
             is
             no
             hope
             it
             should
             stand
             long
             .
             It
             is
             much
             enriched
             by
             the
             Traffick
             of
             the
             River
             Fiction
             ,
             and
             is
             often
             damnified
             by
             the
             Inundations
             of
             the
             same
             .
             Nere
             this
             
             Town
             standeth
             a
             Village
             called
             Tongue-Walk
             ,
             where
             the
             Inhabitants
             are
             continually
             talking
             ;
             this
             Village
             is
             Scituate
             at
             the
             Foot
             of
             a
             Mountain
             ,
             from
             whence
             it
             ariseth
             as
             far
             as
             Tickle-ear
             ,
             a
             Famous
             Burrow-Town
             ,
             where
             stands
             the
             Mannor-House
             of
             their
             Senior
             ;
             who
             derives
             his
             Title
             from
             hence
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             imploy
             themselves
             in
             continual
             Laughters
             .
          
           
             On
             the
             other
             side
             of
             this
             Mount
             ,
             lieth
             a
             pleasant
             valley
             called
             Soothing-Dale
             ;
             and
             at
             the
             further
             end
             thereof
             ,
             is
             a
             Marsh
             called
             Scoffstowfen
             ,
             which
             reacheth
             down
             as
             far
             as
             Shamesteed
             ;
             a
             Town
             of
             infamous
             note
             ,
             whither
             they
             use
             to
             banish
             all
             their
             
               Witches
               ,
               Conjurers
               ,
               Ass-trologers
            
             and
             Almanack-Makers
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat.
             
          
           
             THis
             Region
             appears
             to
             exceed
             all
             the
             Southern
             Countries
             round
             about
             for
             Wealth
             and
             Pleasure
             ;
             and
             were
             it
             as
             it
             seems
             ,
             I
             question
             whether
             the
             whole
             Northern
             World
             ,
             could
             find
             a
             Country
             to
             parallel
             it
             :
             But
             indeed
             ,
             the
             People
             generally
             feign
             to
             have
             what
             really
             they
             have
             not
             ;
             and
             do
             fairly
             amplify
             that
             which
             they
             possess
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             a
             double
             ledg
             of
             Mountains
             extend
             some
             ninety
             German
             Miles
             in
             length
             ,
             and
             between
             them
             is
             a
             spacious
             Plain
             of
             the
             same
             length
             ;
             and
             this
             is
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat
             ,
             through
             which
             the
             River
             of
             Ease
             ,
             a
             very
             goodly
             Current
             ,
             hath
             its
             course
             ,
             with
             many
             Semi-circling
             Meanders
             .
          
           
             Do
             but
             imagine
             what
             delicate
             Prospects
             ,
             are
             from
             so
             many
             stately
             Cities
             ,
             as
             are
             ranked
             on
             the
             Mountains
             sides
             ,
             over
             the
             fertil
             
             Plaines
             ,
             so
             Richly
             watred
             ;
             and
             stored
             with
             fat
             pastures
             ,
             which
             are
             Inviron'd
             with
             comely
             ranks
             of
             flourishing
             Willows
             .
          
           
             The
             neatness
             of
             these
             Cities
             excells
             their
             number
             ;
             yet
             are
             they
             but
             of
             a
             slight
             kind
             of
             building
             ;
             and
             though
             their
             outward
             forms
             promise
             all
             decorum
             ;
             yet
             within
             you
             shall
             find
             very
             little
             good
             Order
             .
          
           
             At
             the
             Mouth
             of
             the
             passage
             ,
             through
             these
             Mountains
             ,
             standeth
             the
             Castle
             of
             Braggadril
             ,
             proudly
             Built
             ,
             but
             beggarly
             Stated
             ;
             And
             nigh
             unto
             it
             is
             Backbiting-Burg
             :
             By
             this
             Town
             is
             a
             Rock
             of
             incredible
             altitude
             called
             Breakneccliff
             ;
             it
             is
             as
             broad
             at
             the
             top
             ,
             as
             at
             the
             bottom
             ,
             and
             beareth
             the
             form
             rather
             of
             a
             Tower
             built
             by
             mans
             hand
             ,
             than
             any
             work
             of
             Nature
             .
             This
             Rock
             is
             as
             famous
             for
             a
             place
             of
             Execution
             here
             ,
             
               as
               ever
               the
            
             Tarpeian
             Cliff
             
               was
               in
            
             Rome
             .
          
           
             On
             the
             other
             side
             of
             this
             Famous
             Cliff
             stands
             the
             City
             of
             Bawds-Den
             .
             
             This
             City
             has
             been
             oftener
             on
             fire
             than
             ever
             was
             Old
             Rome
             ;
             partly
             through
             the
             Negligence
             of
             the
             Citizens
             ,
             and
             partly
             through
             the
             aptness
             to
             take
             fire
             ;
             for
             they
             use
             in
             their
             Buildings
             Brimstone
             instead
             of
             Lime
             ,
             and
             Brandy
             instead
             of
             Water
             ,
             which
             serves
             them
             instead
             of
             Tarris
             or
             Morter
             ,
             being
             mixed
             together
             .
          
           
             Adjoyning
             to
             this
             ,
             is
             Scituate
             another
             little
             City
             called
             Puncks-nest
             Built
             all
             of
             Flint
             ;
             and
             a
             little
             further
             towards
             the
             Frontires
             of
             Idle-Burg
             ,
             lie
             those
             large
             Mountains
             ,
             commonly
             called
             Holiday-Hills
             ;
             where
             the
             people
             keep
             continual
             Revels
             ,
             and
             sit
             in
             Judgment
             upon
             such
             as
             offend
             by
             observing
             working
             dayes
             .
          
           
             Two
             fair
             Cities
             are
             seated
             on
             these
             Hills
             ,
             Games-bury
             and
             Merry-Com-twang
             ;
             and
             on
             the
             East
             side
             of
             them
             the
             River
             Ease
             falls
             into
             the
             River
             Idle
             ,
             making
             three
             or
             four
             Islands
             ,
             called
             by
             the
             Inhabitants
             
             the
             Dancing-Isles
             ,
             Inhabited
             only
             by
             
               Organists
               ,
               Pipers
            
             and
             Fidlers
             .
          
        
         
           
             The
             Quality
             and
             Conditions
             of
             the
             People
             .
          
           
             EVery
             Individual
             man
             in
             this
             Country
             professes
             himself
             a
             Gentleman
             Born.
             And
             most
             of
             them
             can
             shew
             Pedigrees
             for
             a
             thousand
             years
             before
             the
             World
             was
             created
             ;
             you
             shall
             have
             their
             Galleries
             drawn
             with
             their
             Lineal
             and
             Colateral
             Descents
             ,
             though
             the
             Neighbours
             are
             able
             to
             prove
             ,
             their
             Grandfathers
             were
             either
             
               Carters
               ,
               Costermongers
            
             ,
             or
             Coblers
             .
          
           
             Their
             best
             sort
             of
             Gentry
             content
             themselves
             with
             the
             poorest
             fare
             that
             ever
             attended
             a
             fasting-day
             ;
             yet
             some
             of
             them
             perhaps
             will
             make
             a
             feast
             once
             a
             year
             ;
             which
             for
             excess
             of
             Provisions
             ,
             and
             Multitudes
             of
             Guest
             ,
             will
             put
             a
             period
             to
             the
             Inviters
             Revenues
             ;
             who
             all
             the
             year
             after
             will
             defraud
             
             his
             barking
             stomach
             ,
             to
             accomodate
             the
             back
             with
             the
             best
             he
             can
             rake
             together
             ;
             yet
             will
             they
             never
             acknowledg
             or
             confess
             their
             defect
             of
             Belly-Timber
             ,
             but
             the
             contrary
             ;
             where
             ever
             you
             meet
             them
             about
             dinner
             time
             ,
             you
             may
             observe
             them
             picking
             their
             Teeths
             ,
             as
             if
             newly
             come
             from
             the
             destruction
             of
             a
             Regiment
             of
             Dishes
             .
          
           
             No
             man
             that
             knows
             them
             will
             lend
             them
             a
             Groat
             upon
             their
             Credits
             :
             Therefore
             they
             are
             obliged
             to
             to
             hire
             their
             Apparel
             at
             the
             Burrow
             Town
             of
             Brokeria
             ,
             or
             take
             it
             up
             at
             Bumaree
             of
             the
             Merchants
             of
             Tallymore
             .
          
           
             They
             give
             themselves
             tedious
             long
             Names
             ,
             and
             delight
             to
             have
             their
             Country
             and
             alliance
             mentioned
             in
             their
             Titles
             ;
             which
             being
             joyned
             together
             ,
             it
             is
             directly
             impossible
             to
             pronounce
             in
             a
             breath
             .
             
               The
               Gentleman-Cook
            
             at
             the
             Ordinary
             where
             I
             dined
             ,
             was
             named
             
               Signior
               Hernando
               Gonzalo
               Ribadenira
               
               de
               Toledo
            
             ;
             They
             wear
             their
             Swords
             generally
             as
             long
             as
             their
             Titles
             ;
             for
             I
             hapned
             to
             be
             there
             when
             the
             Youth
             were
             Training
             ,
             or
             indeed
             more
             properly
             Trayling
             ;
             as
             appears
             by
             their
             Trayling
             of
             Swords
             at
             their
             heels
             ,
             as
             we
             our
             Pikes
             to
             accommodate
             the
             Funerals
             of
             a
             Field-Officer
             :
             But
             hold
             there
             ,
             stand
             clear
             a
             little
             ,
             I
             am
             resolved
             to
             have
             one
             touch
             at
             this
             long
             Sword
             with
             my
             verse-Pen
             :
          
           
             Walking
             the
             Fields
             to
             view
             the
             
               Martial
               Train
            
             ,
          
           
             With
             Drums
             and
             Colours
             Marching
             on
             the
             Plain
             .
          
           
             That
             which
             I
             saw
             which
             most
             Delight
             affords
             ,
          
           
             Was
             Pigmy-Gyants
             ,
             with
             
               Gygantick
               Swords
            
             .
          
           
             Have
             you
             a
             
               Barbers
               Pole
            
             ,
             or
             Sign-Post
             view'd
             ,
          
           
             Such
             was
             each
             Weapon
             ,
             as
             to
             Longitude
             :
          
           
             But
             was
             not
             altogether
             quite
             so
             Large
             ,
          
           
             Hung
             like
             the
             Rudder
             of
             a
             
               Western
               Barge
            
             ?
          
           
             The
             Pommel
             like
             the
             Helm
             ,
             each
             by
             his
             Hand
             ,
          
           
             Steers
             his
             
               small
               Burthen'd
               Bark
            
             with
             ,
             at
             Comand
             .
          
           
             The
             Guard
             or
             Hilt
             I
             fancied
             did
             appear
             ,
          
           
             Like
             nothing
             more
             than
             a
             deep
             Cullender
             .
          
           
             I
             saw
             one
             drawn
             ;
             and
             then
             it
             look't
             ,
             me
             thought
             ,
          
           
             Like
             a
             long
             Spit
             run
             through
             a
             Porridg-Pot
             .
          
           
           
             Which
             on
             a
             March
             Good
             Service
             may
             afford
             ,
          
           
             Steal
             but
             a
             Lamb
             and
             Spit
             it
             on
             the
             Sword
             ;
          
           
             And
             a
             good
             shift
             for
             Rost-meat
             ,
             take
             my
             Word
             .
          
           
             Ostridge
             Feathers
             are
             as
             dear
             with
             them
             ,
             as
             
               Russia
               Furs
            
             with
             us
             ;
             some
             of
             them
             will
             hang
             Bells
             at
             their
             heels
             ,
             that
             the
             noise
             may
             attract
             peoples
             eyes
             upon
             their
             graceful
             carriage
             as
             they
             pass
             the
             Streets
             .
          
           
             One
             thing
             I
             marvelled
             at
             among
             the
             rest
             ,
             (
             as
             well
             I
             might
             )
             ;
             most
             of
             them
             ,
             instead
             of
             Meat
             ,
             live
             upon
             the
             fume
             of
             a
             certain
             Herb
             ,
             which
             they
             receive
             through
             a
             long
             Engine
             made
             of
             white
             Clay
             into
             their
             Mouths
             ;
             from
             whence
             it
             issues
             like
             the
             fume
             of
             a
             
               Brewers
               Chimney
            
             ;
             I
             know
             not
             certainly
             whether
             they
             had
             this
             from
             the
             
               West
               Indians
            
             ,
             or
             the
             
               West
               Indians
            
             from
             them
             :
             Yet
             some
             affirm
             ,
             that
             the
             Indians
             of
             the
             
               Torred
               Zone
            
             Invented
             the
             same
             to
             make
             themselves
             black
             within
             ,
             disliking
             to
             have
             their
             inner
             parts
             of
             one
             Colour
             ,
             and
             their
             outward
             of
             another
             .
             
             Some
             of
             them
             wa
             st
             their
             patrimonies
             upon
             this
             kind
             of
             Diet
             ,
             Smoaking
             so
             long
             till
             all
             the
             Fat
             be
             in
             the
             Fire
             ,
             and
             all
             the
             Fire
             out
             of
             the
             Kitchen
             .
          
           
             Some
             of
             them
             especially
             in
             Bawds-Den
             ,
             and
             Punks-nest
             ,
             keep
             certain
             females
             as
             long
             as
             their
             Estates
             will
             last
             ;
             (
             certain
             did
             I
             say
             )
             well
             I
             was
             mistaken
             ;
             for
             when
             they
             have
             sweetned
             you
             out
             of
             most
             of
             your
             
               Superfluous
               Guinies
            
             :
             Their
             Lodgings
             are
             removed
             ,
             and
             't
             is
             very
             uncertain
             where
             ,
             or
             when
             ,
             either
             you
             or
             their
             Landladies
             shall
             see
             them
             again
             .
             These
             had
             formerly
             the
             Titles
             of
             Harlots
             :
             But
             since
             their
             Language
             has
             been
             more
             Civilized
             ,
             they
             give
             them
             the
             
               Alamode
               Name
               of
               Courtezans
            
             ,
             which
             the
             Modern
             Translation
             Renders
             Miss
             :
             Besides
             a
             Wife
             ,
             these
             Supernumeraries
             are
             allowed
             ,
             to
             such
             as
             can
             maintain
             them
             both
             by
             Law
             ,
             and
             the
             Antient
             Custom
             of
             the
             Country
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             the
             Paradice
             of
             Fooliana
             the
             Fat.
             
          
           
             THere
             is
             not
             in
             all
             Fooliana
             ,
             so
             Rare
             and
             Stupendious
             a
             Monument
             ,
             as
             
               The
               Paradice
               of
            
             Fooliana
             
               the
               Fat
            
             ;
             A
             work
             worthy
             of
             admiration
             :
             You
             shall
             afar
             off
             ,
             behold
             a
             shining
             Mountain
             all
             of
             pure
             Gold
             ,
             or
             it
             seems
             so
             ,
             and
             that
             's
             as
             good
             ;
             framed
             in
             old
             time
             by
             Chymical
             Art.
             On
             the
             top
             of
             this
             Mountain
             standeth
             a
             Palace
             of
             Cristal
             ,
             built
             by
             the
             
               Goddess
               Fortune
            
             ,
             where
             she
             Inhabits
             ,
             giving
             freely
             all
             Abundance
             to
             her
             Credulous
             Worshipers
             .
          
           
             Hither
             do
             People
             Flock
             from
             all
             the
             Nations
             of
             the
             World
             ;
             but
             especially
             from
             Fooliana
             the
             Devout
             :
             There
             are
             very
             few
             in
             the
             World
             but
             have
             seen
             this
             Mount
             ,
             and
             Ascended
             it
             .
          
           
           
             Men
             may
             talk
             of
             our
             Lady
             of
             Loretto
             :
             Or
             ,
             St.
             James
             of
             Compostella
             :
             They
             are
             but
             Desarts
             in
             Comparison
             of
             this
             .
             Here
             the
             Pilgrims
             lye
             prostrate
             in
             the
             Valley
             as
             thick
             as
             hailstones
             in
             the
             Road
             after
             a
             frosty
             Storm
             ,
             but
             none
             must
             approach
             the
             ascent
             of
             the
             Hill
             ,
             till
             they
             behold
             a
             white
             Banner
             displayed
             ,
             which
             is
             a
             sign
             the
             Goddess
             is
             pleased
             they
             should
             ascend
             ;
             then
             unanimously
             with
             Acclamations
             they
             bellow
             ,
             
               Madona
               Scoperta
            
             ;
             and
             then
             run
             that
             run
             can
             ,
             crowding
             one
             another
             in
             the
             narrowness
             of
             the
             passage
             ;
             happy
             is
             he
             that
             can
             get
             first
             ;
             each
             praying
             that
             it
             would
             be
             the
             Goddesses
             pleasure
             to
             grant
             his
             desires
             .
          
           
             One
             prayes
             to
             attain
             his
             Love
             ;
             Another
             ,
             that
             Fortune
             would
             send
             him
             a
             Wife
             that
             is
             no
             Shrew
             :
             A
             Third
             ,
             for
             Honours
             ;
             A
             Fourth
             ,
             for
             Riches
             ;
             here
             you
             shall
             have
             a
             parcel
             of
             Young
             Heirs
             praying
             for
             the
             
               Deaths
               of
               Parents
               and
               Vncles
            
             ;
             
             and
             there
             a
             
               Crowd
               of
               Beardless
               Students
            
             ,
             praying
             devoutly
             for
             the
             Funerals
             of
             the
             Reverend
             ,
             and
             Right
             Reverend
             .
          
           
             Their
             was
             an
             
               Old
               Fat
               Blade
            
             Cloathed
             with
             a
             Coate
             paley
             of
             Argent
             and
             Sable
             ,
             and
             on
             his
             head
             a
             Crown
             of
             very
             Antick
             Fashion
             ,
             almost
             like
             a
             
             Dutch-Womans
             Stove-Pot
             with
             the
             Bottom
             out
             ;
             this
             kind
             of
             Crown
             the
             Inhabitants
             call
             a
             Timer
             .
             This
             Old
             Fellow
             prayed
             heartily
             for
             the
             Death
             of
             the
             present
             Pope
             .
          
           
             Another
             King-like
             Person
             sued
             for
             the
             next
             Monarchy
             that
             fell
             ;
             but
             he
             was
             sent
             away
             as
             cold
             as
             a
             Snow-Ball
             .
             Here
             stood
             a
             Flock
             of
             hard-favoured
             Wenches
             ,
             most
             of
             their
             suit
             was
             for
             Beauty
             ;
             some
             for
             Sweet-Hearts
             :
             There
             a
             parcel
             of
             Old
             Women
             with
             as
             many
             
               Oaken
               Trees
            
             in
             their
             heads
             ,
             as
             Teeth
             ;
             and
             these
             expected
             to
             be
             set
             back
             to
             the
             age
             of
             Eighteen
             :
             You
             must
             note
             ,
             there
             were
             abundance
             more
             than
             I
             could
             take
             notice
             of
             .
          
           
           
             Well
             ,
             But
             how
             came
             they
             off
             ?
             For
             that
             take
             one
             Example
             of
             a
             person
             that
             sought
             for
             Honour
             :
             Comes
             one
             of
             the
             Flammins
             to
             him
             ,
             blindfolds
             him
             ,
             takes
             him
             by
             the
             hand
             ,
             and
             leads
             him
             through
             a
             hundred
             Turnings
             ,
             to
             a
             place
             which
             he
             is
             to
             believe
             is
             the
             Temple
             of
             the
             Goddess
             ,
             not
             to
             be
             beheld
             with
             mortal
             eyes
             ,
             and
             therefore
             he
             was
             Muffled
             :
             Down
             he
             must
             upon
             all
             four
             ,
             and
             kiss
             the
             pavement
             ,
             and
             so
             continue
             without
             moving
             ,
             till
             the
             Goddess
             call
             him
             by
             his
             Name
             :
             Then
             let
             him
             demand
             what
             he
             list
             ;
             (
             If
             he
             effect
             her
             commands
             without
             delay
             or
             distrust
             )
             be
             his
             request
             never
             so
             difficult
             ,
             it
             shall
             be
             fulfilled
             .
             Well
             ,
             he
             propounds
             his
             petition
             ,
             which
             was
             the
             highest
             pitch
             of
             earthly
             honours
             :
             the
             Goddess
             assents
             very
             gratiously
             ,
             commanding
             him
             to
             receive
             a
             Holy
             portion
             ;
             whereby
             his
             Spirits
             should
             be
             better
             adapted
             for
             the
             ensuing
             felicity
             ;
             the
             Flammin
             presents
             him
             the
             Cup
             ,
             
             which
             he
             freely
             drinks
             off
             ,
             praising
             in
             his
             thoughts
             its
             delicious
             taste
             ;
             being
             ignorant
             that
             it
             is
             a
             portion
             prepared
             of
             
               Poppy
               ,
               Opium
            
             and
             Lettice
             ;
             and
             such
             other
             procurers
             of
             Sleep
             ;
             well
             ,
             within
             an
             hour
             he
             's
             as
             fast
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             as
             easie
             to
             remove
             a
             Mountain
             as
             to
             awake
             him
             .
          
           
             Then
             the
             Attendants
             lay
             him
             in
             a
             Rich
             Bed
             ,
             and
             in
             a
             Chamber
             like
             a
             Kings
             ,
             Clad
             with
             Ivory
             ,
             and
             Arched
             with
             Golden
             Pillars
             ;
             all
             the
             Tables
             spread
             with
             Carpets
             :
             
               The
               Arras
               of
               Champania
               ,
               and
               the
               Tapestry
               of
               Alexandria
               ,
            
             are
             but
             Sackcloath
             in
             comparison
             to
             them
             .
          
           
             About
             the
             Door
             stands
             the
             Atendants
             in
             Gold
             Chaines
             ,
             and
             all
             other
             Courtier-like
             Accouterments
             ,
             expecting
             when
             this
             
               Endimmion
               Junior
            
             will
             awake
             ,
             which
             is
             commonly
             three
             dayes
             after
             ;
             who
             lifting
             up
             his
             head
             ,
             beholds
             the
             Room
             with
             amazement
             :
             And
             seeing
             this
             fair
             company
             of
             shining
             attendance
             ,
             is
             wholly
             transformed
             with
             wonder
             .
          
           
           
             Whilest
             they
             approach
             in
             Order
             with
             a
             Ceremonious
             reverence
             ,
             saluting
             the
             awakened
             King
             ,
             with
             the
             Titles
             of
             Majesty
             ,
             (
             I
             protest
             this
             is
             brave
             )
             :
             sayes
             one
             ,
             What
             Apparrel
             will
             it
             please
             Your
             Majesty
             to
             wear
             to
             day
             ;
             either
             your
             suit
             of
             Tissue
             Embrodered
             with
             Rubies
             ,
             or
             your
             
               Gold
               Vest
            
             with
             
               Carbuncle
               Buttons
            
             ,
             or
             your
             
               Pearl-powdered
               Campaign
            
             ?
             Yes
             ,
             yes
             ,
             
               Tissues
               ,
               Rubies
               ,
               Pearles
               ,
               Diamonds
               ,
               Carbuncles
            
             ;
             hay
             day
             ,
             why
             the
             man
             's
             an
             Endimmion
             indeed
             ;
             and
             won't
             change
             states
             with
             the
             
               Man
               in
               the
               Moon
            
             ,
             for
             all
             his
             Cellar
             of
             Claret
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             Rich
             Garments
             are
             brought
             ,
             every
             one
             Assisting
             to
             array
             this
             Mighty
             Monarch
             ,
             setting
             a
             Diadem
             upon
             his
             head
             ;
             adorned
             with
             Pearles
             of
             Incredible
             Magnitude
             ,
             and
             Lustre
             :
             All
             this
             goes
             well
             still
             .
          
           
             Well
             thinks
             he
             to
             himself
             ,
             get
             Dinner
             ready
             ,
             (
             as
             't
             was
             time
             ,
             having
             not
             eat
             in
             three
             dayes
             )
             ;
             so
             
             thought
             ,
             so
             done
             ;
             Dinner
             is
             prepared
             and
             served
             up
             in
             State
             ;
             such
             rare
             Services
             ;
             such
             brave
             Attendants
             ;
             with
             such
             Harmonious
             Musick
             .
             
               Nineteen
               Muses
            
             can't
             furnish
             a
             man
             with
             words
             sufficient
             to
             describe
             it
             .
          
           
             Thus
             is
             the
             whole
             day
             spent
             ,
             the
             fine
             King
             supposing
             all
             his
             own
             still
             :
             Well
             ,
             Night
             comes
             up
             with
             supper
             ;
             and
             up
             comes
             Supper
             with
             more
             Rarities
             ,
             and
             Richer
             Attendants
             then
             waited
             at
             Dinner
             ;
             and
             for
             Conclusion
             of
             the
             Feast
             ,
             the
             Royal
             King
             has
             tother
             Draught
             given
             him
             of
             the
             Holy
             Potion
             ,
             which
             presently
             locks
             up
             his
             sences
             fast
             enough
             ;
             and
             then
             my
             poor
             twelve-hours
             King
             is
             stript
             of
             his
             Tissues
             and
             Rubies
             ,
             and
             reinvested
             with
             his
             own
             Garments
             ;
             carryed
             out
             at
             a
             Postern
             Gate
             ,
             and
             laid
             in
             the
             High-way
             for
             passengers
             to
             gaze
             on
             ;
             who
             when
             he
             awakes
             ,
             falls
             into
             as
             great
             amazement
             as
             before
             ,
             and
             calling
             to
             mind
             how
             glorious
             
             a
             state
             he
             was
             enthroned
             in
             yesterday
             ;
             and
             now
             finding
             himself
             utterly
             deprived
             of
             all
             ;
             curses
             his
             own
             misfortune
             ;
             not
             attributing
             the
             least
             deficiency
             or
             unwillingness
             to
             the
             
               Infallable
               Goddess
            
             .
          
        
         
           
             Of
             Fooliana
             the
             Devout
             .
          
           
             UPon
             the
             Western
             part
             of
             the
             two
             Foolianas
             ,
             the
             Fat
             ,
             and
             the
             Fond
             ,
             lyeth
             Fooliana
             the
             Devout
             ;
             a
             Region
             fertile
             enough
             in
             it self
             ,
             but
             through
             the
             Inhabitants
             negligence
             ,
             altogether
             uncultured
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             are
             of
             Opinion
             ,
             that
             a
             man
             cannot
             do
             God
             better
             service
             ,
             than
             in
             the
             utter
             neglect
             of
             himself
             .
          
           
             There
             are
             several
             pretty
             Hamlets
             in
             this
             Province
             ;
             as
             Fragment
             ,
             Sirnamed
             the
             
               Mouldy
               ,
               Wonderfield
            
             ;
             and
             a
             little
             way
             from
             them
             ,
             lieth
             Creep-ham-high-Cross
             ,
             and
             Cringing-Beck
             .
          
           
           
             The
             Borders
             of
             this
             Nation
             are
             but
             desarts
             ;
             and
             some
             of
             the
             Villages
             have
             but
             few
             Inhabitants
             ,
             as
             
               Lent-Stow
               ,
               Pilgrims-Inn
            
             ,
             and
             Scourge-Nock
             ,
             are
             left
             almost
             desolate
             ,
             only
             once
             a
             year
             they
             are
             visited
             by
             some
             few
             Venetians
             .
          
           
             The
             number
             of
             Monastries
             in
             this
             Country
             ,
             exceeds
             the
             Number
             of
             their
             Towns
             ;
             there
             is
             not
             one
             Free-holder
             Inhabiting
             in
             all
             these
             parts
             ,
             for
             the
             Cloysters
             have
             Monopolized
             all
             the
             Land
             every
             Straws
             bredth
             ,
             to
             make
             the
             better
             Cheer
             for
             their
             gods
             .
          
           
             Four
             sorts
             of
             Building
             is
             observed
             in
             this
             Country
             ,
             
               Temples
               ,
               Monastries
               ,
               Hospitals
            
             ,
             and
             Hovels
             .
          
           
             They
             are
             all
             of
             one
             Religion
             ,
             but
             they
             know
             not
             what
             it
             is
             ;
             for
             they
             profess
             Ignorance
             ,
             and
             neglect
             enquiry
             ,
             following
             Tradition
             .
          
           
             In
             their
             pace
             ,
             they
             make
             continual
             Crosses
             ;
             one
             thigh
             Thwarting
             the
             other
             at
             every
             step
             ;
             so
             likewise
             ,
             they
             carry
             their
             Armes
             one
             
             Cross
             another
             :
             They
             have
             goodly
             Temples
             ,
             and
             yet
             they
             will
             down
             on
             their
             Marrowbones
             in
             the
             open
             Fields
             (
             if
             they
             spy
             but
             an
             Antick-face
             upon
             a
             Stone
             ,
             or
             an
             Old
             Logg
             )
             ratling
             their
             Beads
             at
             least
             two
             and
             fifty
             times
             over
             .
          
           
             There
             are
             more
             gods
             belonging
             to
             this
             Country
             than
             men
             ,
             some
             of
             them
             augmenting
             the
             number
             of
             their
             Deities
             with
             Adoration
             of
             Horses
             ,
             Hoggs
             and
             Hounds
             ;
             every
             day
             giving
             life
             to
             a
             new
             Deity
             .
             There
             has
             been
             two
             hundred
             made
             in
             one
             Temple
             upon
             one
             day
             .
          
           
             These
             Foolianders
             never
             touch
             any
             thing
             ,
             be
             it
             Water
             ,
             Oyl
             ,
             Salt
             ,
             Wax
             ,
             or
             Iron
             ,
             before
             the
             Divel
             is
             driven
             out
             of
             every
             corner
             of
             it
             .
          
           
             In
             this
             Province
             ,
             is
             the
             rarest
             Miracle
             that
             ever
             Nature
             saw
             ,
             or
             man
             heard
             of
             .
             In
             the
             Hamlet
             of
             Wonder-field
             ,
             there
             is
             not
             a
             Stone
             but
             can
             hear
             ,
             see
             ,
             weep
             ,
             laugh
             ,
             
             move
             ,
             cure
             Diseases
             ,
             sweat
             Blood
             ,
             and
             do
             more
             than
             ever
             was
             done
             by
             the
             Semones
             ,
             the
             Daemons
             ,
             or
             all
             the
             Black-Guard
             whatsoever
             .
          
        
         
           
             The
             State
             Publick
             of
             Fooliana
             the
             Devout
             .
          
           
             THeir
             principal
             Governer
             ,
             is
             a
             Compound
             of
             Emperor
             and
             Priest
             ,
             or
             half
             Prince
             ,
             and
             half
             Bishop
             ;
             
               parte
               per
               pale
            
             ,
             wearing
             a
             Crown
             upon
             a
             Miter
             :
             Or
             ,
             a
             Miter
             in
             a
             Crown
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             alwaies
             born
             before
             him
             ,
             a
             Key
             and
             a
             Sword
             ,
             the
             emblems
             of
             of
             riches
             and
             Power
             .
             His
             Key
             signifieth
             ,
             that
             all
             the
             Foolianders
             Cabinets
             are
             at
             his
             Command
             ;
             his
             Sword
             denotes
             ,
             that
             he
             may
             at
             his
             own
             pleasure
             take
             from
             others
             ,
             and
             defend
             his
             own
             .
          
           
           
             All
             that
             comes
             into
             his
             presence
             ,
             must
             kiss
             his
             Toe
             .
             He
             is
             not
             born
             ,
             but
             chosen
             ,
             to
             this
             Dignity
             ;
             yet
             not
             before
             he
             be
             very
             Old
             ,
             lest
             the
             People
             should
             be
             weary
             of
             him
             ,
             before
             he
             be
             weary
             of
             his
             Life
             .
          
           
             He
             seldom
             Rides
             but
             upon
             Mens
             Shoulders
             ,
             to
             shew
             that
             men
             in
             respect
             of
             him
             ,
             are
             but
             as
             Beasts
             in
             respect
             of
             Men.
             
          
           
             He
             never
             demands
             a
             penny
             Tribute
             of
             any
             Subject
             ,
             but
             what
             they
             give
             willingly
             ;
             he
             receives
             thankfully
             ,
             and
             spends
             freely
             .
          
           
             He
             makes
             no
             Laws
             ,
             nor
             keeps
             any
             ;
             nor
             issues
             any
             Decree
             ,
             but
             once
             within
             two
             Years
             it
             is
             out
             of
             use
             .
          
           
             He
             useth
             his
             Servants
             with
             much
             Familiarity
             ;
             and
             when
             he
             pleases
             ,
             lifts
             them
             up
             above
             the
             greatest
             Men
             in
             his
             Court.
             
          
           
             I
             might
             have
             learned
             much
             more
             in
             this
             Court
             worthy
             of
             
             Observation
             ;
             but
             to
             tell
             you
             the
             Truth
             ,
             I
             was
             weary
             on
             't
             ,
             and
             did
             not
             care
             to
             tarry
             any
             longer
             then
             needs
             must
             .
          
        
      
       
         
         
         
           THE
           Fourth
           Part.
           
        
         
           
             The
             Description
             of
             Theevingenia
             .
          
           
             It
             s
             Scituation
             .
          
           
             THeevingenia
             is
             bounded
             on
             the
             West
             with
             the
             Streights
             of
             Magellanus
             ,
             and
             on
             the
             East
             with
             Fooliana
             the
             Devout
             ,
             and
             part
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             .
             It
             is
             a
             Soyl
             so
             utterly
             void
             of
             fertillity
             ,
             that
             not
             a
             Shepheard
             nor
             Husbandman
             can
             be
             
             found
             in
             all
             the
             borders
             ;
             yet
             is
             it
             not
             strange
             that
             this
             barren
             Country
             should
             so
             abound
             in
             all
             necessaries
             ;
             nay
             ,
             and
             Superfluities
             also
             ?
             There
             is
             no
             rarity
             ,
             or
             excellent
             thing
             of
             valuable
             worth
             in
             the
             World
             ,
             but
             they
             will
             have
             it
             by
             hook
             ,
             or
             by
             Crook
             ;
             and
             when
             they
             have
             got
             it
             ,
             you
             may
             as
             soon
             get
             a
             fart
             from
             a
             Dead
             man
             ,
             as
             recover
             it
             again
             from
             their
             Clutches
             .
          
           
             The
             Easternmost
             part
             is
             inriched
             by
             the
             
               Spoyles
               of
               the
               two
            
             Foolianas
             ;
             the
             Fat
             ,
             
               and
               the
            
             Devout
             .
             The
             Western
             by
             the
             
               Spaniards
               Cacaplates
            
             .
             These
             are
             the
             most
             Notable
             Pyrates
             of
             the
             Globe
             .
          
           
             The
             whole
             Country
             is
             divided
             into
             two
             Seigniories
             ,
             Robbers-Waldt
             ,
             and
             Liegerdemain
             .
             The
             first
             of
             which
             butts
             upon
             Fooliana
             ,
             and
             an
             Angle
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             :
             The
             latter
             lieth
             more
             West
             .
          
           
             Contrary
             to
             the
             other
             Thievingenians
             .
             The
             wandring
             Robbers-Walders
             keep
             themselves
             in
             their
             
             own
             Bounds
             ;
             but
             all
             of
             them
             are
             for
             the
             most
             part
             Barbarous
             and
             Inhospitable
             .
          
        
         
           
             The
             Conditions
             Of
             the
             Robbers-Walders
             .
          
           
             RObbers-Waldt
             is
             divided
             from
             the
             two
             Foolianas
             by
             the
             Fenns
             ,
             usually
             called
             the
             Filching-Fenns
             ;
             wherein
             there
             are
             Many
             Islands
             made
             by
             the
             turnings
             of
             the
             Water
             ;
             The
             whole
             Region
             is
             so
             Woody
             and
             Mountainous
             ,
             that
             it
             seems
             rather
             a
             Desart
             than
             a
             place
             Inhabited
             ;
             and
             appears
             a
             place
             fitter
             for
             Rebellion
             ,
             then
             Habitation
             .
          
           
             Their
             Language
             is
             very
             crabbed
             ,
             and
             though
             I
             did
             not
             care
             to
             understand
             it
             ;
             I
             observ'd
             in
             it
             a
             
               Mixture
               of
               Welsh
            
             ;
             which
             seems
             to
             have
             been
             taught
             them
             by
             some
             Antient
             Travellers
             of
             our
             Western
             Brittains
             .
          
           
           
             This
             Seigniority
             is
             Indifferenly
             well
             peopled
             ,
             but
             under
             no
             Government
             ;
             each
             man
             holds
             himself
             born
             only
             for
             himself
             ,
             and
             liveth
             obeying
             and
             respecting
             himself
             only
             ;
             what
             he
             gets
             from
             another
             is
             forthwith
             his
             own
             ,
             as
             good
             and
             Lawful
             prize
             .
          
           
             In
             Bodily
             shape
             they
             are
             like
             us
             ,
             only
             all
             the
             Inlanders
             have
             Claws
             upon
             their
             Hands
             instead
             of
             Nails
             ;
             and
             this
             is
             not
             only
             Natural
             to
             all
             the
             Robbers-Walders
             ,
             but
             to
             the
             Liegerdemainists
             also
             .
          
           
             Upon
             the
             Mountaines
             of
             this
             Soyl
             breedeth
             a
             kind
             of
             People
             called
             the
             Bandity
             ;
             who
             usually
             beggs
             of
             Passengers
             ,
             with
             a
             Fezee
             upon
             their
             Shoulders
             :
             they
             are
             the
             Keepers
             of
             
               Booty
               Forrest
            
             ,
             a
             frith
             so
             called
             ;
             which
             is
             of
             that
             breadth
             ,
             that
             the
             high
             
               Dutch
               Hercinian
            
             adding
             to
             it
             
               Englands
               Sherwood
            
             :
             They
             are
             both
             but
             a
             dayes
             Journey
             for
             an
             
               Irish
               Louse
            
             ,
             (
             Let
             her
             march
             never
             so
             fast
             )
             if
             compar'd
             to
             this
             .
          
           
           
             I
             le
             justifie
             ,
             and
             be
             as
             good
             as
             my
             word
             ;
             that
             if
             Hercinia
             kept
             ten
             thousand
             Thieves
             ,
             (
             as
             't
             is
             supposed
             it
             did
             ,
             
               Booty
               Forrest
            
             maintains
             a
             hundred
             thousand
             Hercinia
             !
             Why
             't
             is
             a
             Blanket
             for
             a
             Cat
             ,
             a
             meer
             Cock-pit
             ;
             nay
             ,
             't
             is
             no
             bigger
             then
             a
             Tobacco-Box
             ,
             in
             comparison
             of
             Booty-Forrest
             .
          
           
             You
             shall
             not
             find
             any
             man
             of
             State
             but
             keeps
             a
             Fort
             or
             Garrison
             :
             And
             in
             these
             Fortresses
             they
             keep
             all
             they
             purchace
             ;
             and
             that
             's
             no
             small
             prize
             .
             They
             are
             no
             Shittle-cocks
             ;
             what
             they
             have
             they
             hold
             .
          
           
             When
             they
             march
             out
             upon
             their
             Expeditions
             ;
             The
             poor
             Commonalty
             are
             sure
             to
             untruss
             their
             Portmantles
             under
             the
             Branches
             ,
             and
             lay
             their
             Noddles
             close
             to
             the
             Root
             of
             some
             Antient
             Oak
             ,
             
               (
               Sic
               fuit
               ab
               Initio
            
             )
             quoth
             the
             Gentleman
             to
             the
             Chandlers
             Son
             ;
             So
             did
             your
             Fathers
             ,
             and
             so
             must
             you
             ,
             be
             you
             never
             so
             top-gallant
             .
             
             Some
             of
             these
             Villiacoes
             lye
             in
             wait
             to
             make
             prize
             of
             poor
             Passengers
             ;
             and
             when
             they
             catch
             them
             ,
             they
             uncase
             them
             to
             the
             Skin
             ,
             not
             leaving
             them
             so
             much
             as
             a
             tatter
             ,
             to
             serve
             for
             a
             Curtain
             to
             the
             Worlds
             propagater
             .
          
           
             The
             Liegerdemainists
             of
             late
             made
             a
             Decree
             ,
             that
             no
             Younger
             Brothers
             shall
             have
             any
             share
             in
             the
             Fathers
             Land
             ;
             and
             this
             Law
             hath
             added
             a
             great
             multitude
             of
             Voluntiers
             to
             the
             
               Robbers
               Walders
            
             .
          
           
             The
             
               Devout
               Foolianders
            
             you
             know
             are
             great
             Lovers
             of
             Crossess
             .
             Well
             ,
             but
             they
             cannot
             love
             them
             so
             much
             as
             these
             hate
             them
             ;
             therefore
             if
             any
             of
             them
             hap
             to
             be
             taken
             in
             Robbers-Waldt
             ,
             farewel
             Fooliander
             ,
             up
             they
             go
             as
             round
             as
             a
             
               Juglers
               Box
            
             ;
             and
             the
             chief
             reason
             is
             ,
             because
             these
             Devout
             Foolianders
             do
             use
             to
             mock
             the
             Robbers-Walders
             ,
             by
             making
             Gibbets
             at
             them
             with
             their
             Fingers
             .
          
           
           
             There
             is
             continual
             Dissention
             and
             Civil
             Wars
             among
             themselves
             ,
             about
             injurious
             Booties
             forced
             from
             one
             another
             ,
             or
             about
             dividing
             the
             Spoyles
             .
             And
             take
             my
             word
             Sir
             ,
             the
             whole
             World
             fares
             the
             better
             for
             't
             ;
             for
             should
             they
             lay
             their
             heads
             together
             against
             our
             world
             ,
             we
             might
             e'n
             put
             up
             our
             Pipes
             ,
             and
             cast
             our
             Caps
             at
             the
             Moon
             ,
             for
             any
             Estates
             we
             should
             hold
             long
             .
          
           
             It
             is
             a
             great
             Commendation
             ,
             and
             sign
             of
             towardness
             in
             their
             Children
             ,
             to
             be
             expert
             at
             Filching
             in
             their
             Early
             Years
             ,
             which
             they
             are
             taught
             to
             practice
             from
             their
             Infancyes
             ;
             you
             shall
             have
             the
             little
             Theevelings
             while
             they
             suck
             at
             their
             Mothers
             Breast
             ,
             to
             pick
             pinns
             out
             of
             their
             Heads
             ,
             and
             Pence
             out
             of
             their
             Purses
             :
             But
             if
             they
             be
             taken
             in
             being
             either
             too
             slow-handed
             ,
             or
             to
             boysterous
             ,
             up
             goes
             their
             Bumms
             without
             Baile
             .
             And
             
             as
             they
             grow
             in
             Years
             ,
             they
             must
             Augment
             their
             practice
             ,
             by
             stealing
             
               Ducks
               ,
               Geese
            
             ,
             and
             so
             advanceing
             to
             Cattle
             :
             If
             Trading
             be
             dead
             ,
             and
             nothing
             of
             worth
             to
             be
             had
             ,
             then
             they
             must
             keep
             their
             hands
             in
             practice
             ,
             by
             stealing
             a
             Clod
             from
             their
             Neighbours
             Ground
             ,
             or
             a
             stake
             from
             his
             Hedg
             .
             This
             is
             usuall
             among
             the
             Borderers
             of
             Liegerdemain
             ;
             between
             which
             ,
             and
             Robbers-Waldt
             lyeth
             a
             large
             Heath
             called
             Lyers-bury-Plain
             ,
             of
             which
             we
             will
             Discourse
             when
             we
             have
             passed
             the
             Marine
             parts
             of
             Robbers-Waldt
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             The
             Pyrates
             and
             Sea
             Borderors
             of
             Robbers-Waldt
             .
          
           
             THese
             Pyrates
             disperse
             themselves
             all
             along
             the
             Shores
             of
             
               Magellanus's
               Streat
            
             ,
             on
             the
             Banks
             Theevingenia
             ,
             and
             among
             the
             Isles
             of
             the
             
               Filching
               Fenns
            
             .
          
           
             Europe
             affords
             not
             any
             Sea-man
             that
             knows
             his
             Bays
             ,
             Creeks
             ,
             Tides
             ,
             Shelfs
             ,
             Rocks
             and
             Channels
             better
             then
             these
             men
             do
             in
             general
             ;
             besides
             ,
             they
             naturally
             Swim
             as
             the
             Fishes
             themselves
             .
          
           
             Their
             chief
             Haven
             is
             Jeer-All
             ,
             a
             Town
             of
             no
             great
             strength
             and
             compass
             ,
             but
             of
             as
             hardy
             Pyrates
             as
             the
             World
             affords
             ;
             it
             is
             Scituate
             in
             that
             Angle
             of
             Robbers-Waldt
             ,
             that
             lyeth
             just
             upon
             the
             head
             of
             the
             Filching-Fenns
             ,
             over
             against
             a
             part
             of
             Belly-All-Main
             .
          
           
           
             The
             Shores
             hereabout
             are
             reported
             to
             be
             edged
             with
             Rocks
             of
             Loadstones
             ,
             which
             draws
             the
             Ships
             upon
             the
             Coasts
             from
             an
             incredible
             distance
             .
          
           
             A
             little
             within
             the
             River
             Filching
             there
             is
             another
             Town
             called
             Lysal
             ,
             which
             takes
             Tribute
             of
             all
             Vessels
             that
             pass
             that
             way
             .
          
           
             The
             Inhabitants
             lay
             out
             great
             Hooks
             baited
             with
             Load-stones
             ,
             wherewith
             they
             Angle
             for
             Ships
             as
             do
             for
             Trouts
             ;
             and
             where
             it
             once
             seizeth
             ,
             it
             keepeth
             its
             hold
             fast
             .
             These
             are
             also
             good
             Swimmers
             ,
             being
             as
             expert
             and
             perfect
             in
             the
             Art
             as
             the
             Dolphins
             ,
             and
             like
             Crocodiles
             ,
             or
             
               English
               Otters
            
             ,
             live
             as
             much
             in
             the
             Water
             as
             on
             the
             Land
             ;
             of
             these
             do
             our
             European
             Navigators
             stand
             in
             great
             fear
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             Lyers-Bury-Plain
             ,
             and
             of
             the
             City
             of
             Pick-Pocket-Angul
             ;
             with
             the
             Nature
             of
             the
             Liegerdemanians
             .
          
           
             NOw
             I
             return
             to
             Lyers-Bury-Plain
             ,
             which
             lyeth
             upon
             the
             verges
             of
             Robbers-Waldt
             and
             Liegerdemain
             ;
             And
             serves
             for
             
               a
               free
               Common
            
             to
             them
             both
             ;
             there
             is
             a
             River
             Runs
             through
             the
             midst
             of
             it
             called
             Memento
             ,
             which
             divides
             the
             whole
             plain
             into
             two
             parts
             ;
             and
             on
             this
             River
             are
             divers
             of
             the
             Liegerdemanian
             Towns
             and
             Garrisons
             seated
             .
          
           
             Ever
             since
             Spain
             obtained
             the
             Conquest
             of
             these
             Indians
             ,
             that
             border
             upon
             this
             Continent
             ,
             the
             Liegerdemanians
             have
             tollerated
             the
             Jesuits
             ,
             (
             those
             busie-bodies
             that
             will
             needs
             scald
             their
             Chops
             in
             the
             
             whole
             Worlds
             Porridg
             )
             to
             pay
             their
             visits
             here
             ;
             and
             also
             to
             Inhabit
             this
             Land
             ;
             which
             the
             Irruptions
             of
             the
             Robbers-Walders
             had
             otherwise
             Depopulated
             .
          
           
             Here
             are
             many
             Astrology-Schools
             ,
             whose
             professors
             are
             more
             in
             favour
             with
             the
             Leigerdemanians
             ,
             than
             any
             other
             Artists
             whatsoever
             ,
             except
             Poets
             and
             Lawyers
             .
          
           
             Here
             in
             a
             little
             Town
             called
             Prediction
             ,
             I
             set
             up
             School
             my self
             ,
             and
             read
             the
             Lecture
             of
             spying
             wonders
             in
             the
             Heavens
             urinal
             ,
             as
             Methodically
             as
             any
             Star-gazer
             of
             them
             all
             :
             I
             had
             my
             
               Ptolomy
               ,
               Tycho
               ,
               Guido
               Bonatus
               ,
            
             my
             Bencorat
             ,
             my
             Zabel
             ,
             my
             Messahalach
             ,
             my
             Abbohali
             ,
             and
             my
             
               Hali
               Aben
               Razehel
            
             all
             at
             my
             beck
             ;
             and
             by
             their
             Prescriptions
             I
             wrote
             an
             infallible
             Prognostication
             of
             these
             present
             Times
             .
          
           
             These
             Liegerdemanians
             are
             far
             more
             Sociable
             ,
             or
             at
             least
             more
             
             circumspect
             and
             secret
             in
             their
             intriegues
             than
             the
             Robbers-Walders
             ;
             for
             what
             these
             do
             in
             publick
             ,
             the
             Legerdemanians
             act
             privately
             ,
             living
             under
             a
             Law
             and
             a
             Prince
             also
             ,
             whose
             Title
             is
             Triberio-De-Golden-Gripo
             ;
             he
             keeps
             his
             State
             in
             a
             Delicate
             City
             called
             Free-purloyn
             ,
             Scituate
             in
             the
             very
             heart
             of
             Lyers-Bury-Plain
             .
          
           
             They
             never
             budge
             abroad
             in
             the
             day
             time
             ,
             but
             keep
             within-doors
             ,
             and
             contrive
             ,
             what
             they
             bring
             to
             Action
             in
             the
             Night
             :
             They
             hate
             the
             Sun
             ,
             and
             love
             the
             Moon
             with
             like
             extreams
             of
             Affection
             .
          
           
             The
             Trees
             of
             this
             Soyl
             are
             Naturally
             qualified
             like
             the
             Inhabitants
             :
             No
             Bird
             can
             light
             upon
             them
             ,
             but
             is
             presently
             taken
             as
             with
             Lime-\twigs
             .
          
           
             The
             Chief
             Town
             of
             traffick
             in
             these
             parts
             is
             Pick-Pocket-Angle
             ,
             wherein
             are
             two
             Streets
             ,
             Tongue-Street
             ,
             and
             Pawns-Brook
             ,
             which
             in
             
             my
             judgment
             ,
             exceeds
             all
             the
             Streets
             of
             any
             one
             City
             in
             the
             World
             ,
             for
             length
             and
             stateliness
             of
             Buildings
             .
             Tongue-Street
             is
             the
             general
             Rendezvouz
             of
             all
             the
             Lawyers
             ;
             and
             Pawns-Brook
             of
             the
             
               Brokers
               ,
               Vsurers
               ,
               Taylors
            
             and
             Scriveners
             .
          
           
             'T
             is
             most
             certain
             ,
             that
             no
             Nation
             under
             the
             Moon
             is
             stored
             with
             Lawyers
             as
             this
             is
             ,
             who
             if
             they
             want
             means
             of
             Contention
             ,
             play
             the
             Seedsmen
             themselves
             ;
             sowing
             the
             Seeds
             of
             Animosity
             and
             Discord
             among
             their
             peaceable
             Neighbours
             .
          
           
             Our
             Westminster
             ,
             adding
             all
             the
             Inns
             of
             Court
             and
             Chancery
             to
             it
             ,
             makes
             but
             a
             meer
             St.
             Katherins-Hall
             ,
             in
             comparison
             of
             the
             Inner-Temple
             of
             this
             Town
             .
          
           
             Their
             Numbers
             do
             daily
             encrease
             ;
             yet
             notwithstanding
             ,
             it
             is
             the
             Opinion
             of
             the
             wisest
             Polititians
             of
             this
             Land
             ;
             that
             they
             cannot
             continue
             long
             ;
             for
             when
             they
             have
             eat
             up
             
             the
             whole
             Country
             ,
             as
             they
             have
             almost
             done
             already
             ;
             they
             must
             needs
             decline
             for
             want
             of
             Clyents
             ,
             unless
             by
             the
             want
             of
             business
             to
             imploy
             themselves
             ,
             they
             should
             fall
             out
             ,
             and
             go
             to
             Law
             one
             with
             another
             ;
             and
             by
             that
             means
             disperse
             abroad
             what
             they
             have
             Ravenously
             claw'd
             together
             ,
             among
             the
             Comonalty
             again
             ;
             and
             indeed
             ,
             by
             this
             means
             ,
             they
             may
             leave
             to
             their
             posterities
             ,
             a
             prospect
             of
             more
             business
             ,
             and
             better
             imployment
             ,
             in
             succeeding
             Times
             .
          
           
             These
             
               Lawyers
               Footmen
            
             are
             cloathed
             in
             party-Coloured
             Liveries
             ,
             
               Like
               the
               Knave
               of
               Clubs
            
             ,
             to
             signify
             that
             their
             Masters
             are
             ready
             to
             take
             Fees
             on
             either
             side
             .
          
           
             The
             Usurers
             afford
             them
             a
             considerable
             part
             of
             their
             imployment
             ;
             but
             principally
             the
             violent
             Current
             of
             the
             River
             Fraud
             ;
             which
             running
             among
             the
             
               Quirkney
               Isles
            
             ,
             eateth
             away
             one
             piece
             of
             Land
             here
             ,
             and
             
             casteth
             it
             up
             there
             ;
             and
             afterwards
             washeth
             it
             away
             from
             thence
             ,
             and
             layes
             it
             in
             a
             third
             place
             ;
             changing
             its
             course
             now
             and
             then
             ,
             and
             taking
             away
             one
             mans
             whole
             Estate
             ,
             gives
             it
             to
             another
             :
             And
             this
             is
             that
             which
             makes
             work
             for
             the
             Lawyers
             .
          
           
             Nature
             has
             wrought
             a
             very
             strange
             work
             upon
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             this
             Town
             ;
             their
             Skins
             do
             naturally
             attract
             Gold
             and
             Silver
             ,
             with
             as
             powerful
             a
             strength
             as
             the
             Loadstone
             draweth
             Steel
             ,
             and
             holds
             it
             as
             fast
             :
             If
             a
             piece
             of
             Gold
             touch
             but
             their
             hands
             ,
             it
             sticks
             so
             close
             ,
             that
             it
             is
             impossible
             with
             all
             your
             strength
             or
             force
             to
             unloose
             it
             from
             thence
             ;
             a
             thing
             never
             seen
             elsewhere
             ,
             and
             therefore
             the
             worthyer
             of
             Record
             .
          
           
             Pawns-Brook
             is
             peopled
             with
             all
             sorts
             of
             Artificers
             ;
             yet
             they
             open
             no
             Shops
             ,
             but
             every
             one
             attends
             the
             Passenger
             at
             his
             own
             Door
             ,
             with
             a
             
             
               What
               lack
               you
               Gentlemen
            
             ?
             And
             then
             if
             he
             gets
             a
             Chapman
             ,
             he
             leads
             him
             in
             ,
             and
             shews
             him
             his
             Wares
             in
             private
             ;
             one
             shall
             shew
             you
             a
             chain
             Crusted
             over
             with
             thin
             Plates
             of
             Gold
             ;
             and
             swear
             ,
             that
             India
             ,
             nor
             Arabia
             did
             never
             afford
             purer
             Mettal
             .
          
           
             Another
             Cheats
             you
             with
             a
             counterfeit
             
               Musk
               Cod.
            
             A
             third
             with
             Pearls
             so
             dexterously
             adulterated
             ,
             both
             for
             Weight
             ,
             Fashion
             ,
             Clearness
             ,
             Smoothness
             and
             Bigness
             ;
             that
             you
             cannot
             decern
             them
             from
             true
             ones
             ;
             and
             there
             will
             he
             shew
             you
             the
             Shells
             wherein
             they
             grew
             .
             Here
             also
             you
             shall
             have
             your
             Lapidaries
             ,
             with
             Gems
             of
             all
             sorts
             ,
             able
             to
             delude
             the
             most
             decerning
             Eye
             in
             the
             World
             :
             The
             
               Cyprian
               Diamond
            
             ,
             the
             
               Sicilian
               Agate
            
             ,
             the
             
               Indian
               Berrill
            
             ,
             the
             
               Persian
               Eagle-Stone
            
             ,
             the
             
               Affrican
               Chalcedon
            
             ,
             the
             
               Sythian
               Smaradg
            
             ,
             the
             
               German
               Corneil
            
             ,
             the
             
               Ethiopian
               Chrysolite
            
             ,
             and
             the
             
               Lybian
               
               Garbuncle
            
             ;
             here
             they
             are
             all
             ,
             and
             many
             more
             ready
             prepared
             by
             Art-Forgery
             .
          
           
             Here
             are
             also
             Apothecaries
             in
             great
             abundance
             ;
             and
             these
             do
             nothing
             but
             Sophisticate
             Receipts
             with
             their
             
               quid
               pro
               quo
            
             ,
             which
             would
             fill
             a
             Volume
             to
             make
             a
             discovery
             of
             their
             Deceits
             .
          
           
             One
             thing
             I
             am
             both
             Amaz'd
             and
             Grieved
             at
             ,
             they
             are
             never
             taken
             in
             their
             Falcifications
             ,
             be
             they
             never
             so
             Palpable
             ;
             but
             they
             have
             this
             Prevention
             ,
             they
             can
             change
             their
             Shapes
             ,
             Voices
             ,
             Trades
             ,
             and
             Habits
             instantly
             ,
             and
             so
             Cunningly
             ,
             that
             he
             goes
             about
             to
             wash
             a
             Guiney-Negar
             white
             ,
             that
             seeks
             for
             the
             man
             to
             day
             ,
             that
             bubbled
             him
             yesterday
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             a
             Famous
             School
             in
             the
             Suburbs
             ,
             where
             Art
             -
             Spagirick
             is
             read
             to
             the
             Youth
             of
             this
             City
             ;
             and
             here
             they
             have
             a
             Book
             which
             they
             esteem
             as
             Holy
             as
             the
             Turks
             
             their
             Alcaron
             ;
             it
             is
             called
             the
             History
             of
             Mercury
             ,
             wherein
             is
             related
             ,
             how
             he
             in
             his
             Infancy
             ,
             stole
             
               Neptunes
               Trydent
               ,
               Mars
            
             ,
             his
             
               Sword
               ,
               Phoebus
            
             his
             Bow
             and
             
               Arrows
               ,
               Vulcans-Tongs
            
             ,
             and
             
             Venus's
             Girdle
             ;
             and
             how
             ingeniously
             he
             cheated
             Jove
             of
             his
             Thunder
             ,
             being
             as
             then
             so
             young
             ,
             that
             he
             must
             of
             necessity
             learn
             the
             Theory
             of
             this
             Art
             in
             his
             Mothers
             Belly
             :
             This
             Book
             conteineth
             also
             ,
             all
             instructions
             partaining
             to
             the
             said
             Science
             ,
             whereby
             the
             Student
             is
             thoroughly
             furnished
             with
             all
             Expert
             and
             Methodical
             Rules
             ,
             how
             to
             Pick
             Locks
             ,
             how
             to
             draw
             Latches
             ,
             how
             to
             Tread
             without
             noise
             ,
             how
             to
             Angle
             in
             a
             Lock'd
             Chest
             ,
             with
             a
             twine
             Thred
             ,
             how
             to
             Nim
             the
             Cole
             and
             never
             touch
             the
             Purse
             ,
             and
             how
             to
             forswear
             all
             without
             Blushing
             ;
             and
             a
             thousand
             such
             Secrets
             .
          
           
             One
             of
             these
             Practitioners
             was
             ingeniously
             over-reached
             by
             a
             Merchant
             
             Trading
             to
             this
             City
             ,
             (
             no
             Foolianian
             I
             assure
             you
             )
             from
             whose
             Pockets
             some
             Forty
             Royals
             had
             disimbarked
             themselves
             at
             the
             publick
             Exchange
             of
             this
             City
             :
             Well
             ,
             our
             Merchant
             resolves
             to
             Fish
             for
             the
             Angler
             and
             to
             put
             his
             resolution
             in
             practice
             ,
             caus'd
             his
             Pockets
             to
             be
             lin'd
             with
             Fish-hooks
             ,
             fastned
             with
             the
             points
             downwards
             ,
             and
             coming
             upon
             Change
             next
             day
             ,
             would
             often
             clap
             his
             hands
             on
             his
             Pockets
             ;
             this
             Bait
             was
             a
             sign
             of
             care
             in
             him
             ,
             and
             of
             purchase
             to
             the
             busie
             Eyes
             of
             the
             watchful
             diver
             ,
             who
             observing
             when
             he
             was
             more
             busie
             and
             less
             careful
             ,
             slides
             his
             hand
             gently
             into
             the
             Trap
             ,
             which
             the
             Gentleman
             all
             this
             while
             observed
             ,
             but
             took
             no
             seeming
             notice
             ,
             till
             he
             found
             him
             sunk
             pretty
             deep
             ;
             when
             giving
             a
             sudden
             half
             turn
             ,
             my
             nimble
             Artist
             was
             as
             fast
             moared
             ,
             as
             a
             Ship
             with
             two
             Anchors
             at
             head
             ,
             who
             rather
             then
             
             view
             the
             face
             of
             Justice
             ,
             disgorges
             the
             Royals
             very
             willingly
             ,
             and
             (
             
               Receiving
               two
               or
               three
               kicks
               on
               the
               Arss
               very
               thankfully
            
             )
             sneaks
             off
             .
          
           
             There
             are
             in
             this
             Town
             more
             then
             a
             good
             many
             Inn-Keepers
             ;
             these
             are
             Knaves
             Rampant
             .
             A
             Traveller
             dares
             not
             trust
             his
             Purse
             under
             his
             Pillow
             ,
             nor
             in
             an
             Iron
             Trunk
             ;
             but
             must
             as
             the
             Jews
             did
             when
             Besieged
             ,
             swallow
             their
             Gold
             all
             the
             night
             ,
             and
             rake
             for
             it
             in
             his
             Close-stool
             next
             Morning
             ,
             or
             it
             would
             be
             gon
             every
             scruple
             .
          
           
             The
             Villages
             are
             only
             inhabited
             by
             
               Millers
               ,
               Taylors
            
             and
             Hostlers
             ;
             or
             according
             to
             the
             Antient
             Orthography
             Oatstealers
             ,
             unless
             by
             chance
             you
             may
             meet
             with
             here
             and
             there
             a
             few
             straggling
             Gypsies
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             Of
             the
             Province
             of
             Still-More
             :
             Or
             ,
             Nunquam
             .
             Satis
             .
          
           
             NOt
             far
             from
             Pick-Pocket-Angul
             ,
             lyeth
             the
             Province
             of
             Still-More
             ,
             Antiently
             called
             
               Nunquam
               Satis
            
             .
          
           
             It
             is
             in
             the
             Hands
             of
             a
             Monstrous
             sort
             of
             Humane
             Creatures
             ,
             such
             as
             you
             see
             depicted
             in
             the
             Emblems
             of
             Mondevill
             ,
             with
             Heads
             like
             Hoggs
             .
          
           
             They
             go
             alwayes
             on
             their
             hands
             and
             Knees
             ,
             lest
             they
             should
             miss
             any
             thing
             as
             they
             pass
             along
             the
             Streets
             ,
             as
             is
             worth
             the
             taking
             up
             ;
             their
             Voice
             is
             a
             kind
             of
             a
             grunting
             .
          
           
             None
             are
             allowed
             to
             dwell
             amongst
             them
             but
             Old
             Folks
             ,
             their
             Youth
             if
             they
             be
             Valiant
             ,
             they
             send
             into
             Booty-Forrest
             ,
             or
             else
             to
             the
             Schools
             of
             Pick-Pocket-Angul
             .
          
           
           
             They
             do
             eat
             earth
             as
             the
             Woolf
             does
             when
             he
             is
             to
             fight
             ;
             and
             some
             of
             them
             eat
             nothing
             at
             all
             ,
             but
             live
             upon
             the
             sight
             of
             Gold
             and
             Silver
             ,
             and
             never
             sleep
             but
             with
             their
             eyes
             open
             .
          
           
             They
             serve
             a
             God
             ,
             whom
             they
             call
             Full-Chest
             ,
             with
             all
             Superstious
             Reverence
             ;
             and
             they
             never
             go
             to
             their
             Rests
             till
             they
             have
             seen
             him
             ,
             nor
             do
             they
             eat
             but
             in
             his
             presence
             .
          
           
             In
             the
             heart
             of
             this
             Province
             is
             a
             vast
             and
             bottomless
             Lake
             ,
             called
             the
             Gulph
             of
             Vsury
             ;
             into
             which
             divers
             pleasant
             and
             famous
             Rivers
             ,
             pay
             the
             last
             offerings
             of
             their
             
               Silver
               Streams
            
             ;
             though
             no
             Currant
             can
             possibly
             be
             observ'd
             to
             take
             its
             head
             from
             this
             Lake
             ;
             It
             being
             suppos'd
             to
             have
             some
             subterranean
             passage
             ,
             which
             they
             imagine
             breaks
             out
             at
             the
             foot
             of
             
               Executor
               Hill
            
             ,
             in
             the
             Marquizate
             of
             Spendaleza
             .
          
           
           
             On
             the
             Banks
             of
             this
             dead
             Sea
             ,
             are
             seated
             several
             Considerable
             Cities
             ,
             whereof
             Extortington
             is
             the
             most
             formidable
             for
             a
             Garrison
             ;
             it
             is
             under
             the
             Government
             of
             the
             
               Lord
               Covetuous
               Rack-rent
            
             .
          
           
             The
             Citizens
             are
             unwilling
             to
             attempt
             any
             thing
             that
             is
             hazardous
             ;
             yet
             when
             once
             they
             are
             Ingaged
             ,
             will
             studdy
             a
             thousand
             Intriegues
             and
             Stratagems
             to
             preserve
             their
             interests
             .
          
           
             This
             City
             was
             lately
             invaded
             ,
             by
             the
             Valiant
             Mendico
             ,
             Son
             to
             Tatterdemallion
             Duke
             of
             Ragland
             .
             The
             Reason
             of
             which
             Invasion
             was
             (
             as
             I
             am
             inform'd
             )
             That
             whereas
             the
             Inhabitants
             of
             this
             Province
             ,
             were
             Obliged
             by
             certain
             Articles
             ,
             to
             defend
             and
             protect
             the
             Tatter'd
             Offspring
             of
             the
             Duke
             of
             Ragland
             :
             They
             have
             of
             late
             ,
             not
             only
             withdrawn
             their
             assisting
             Auxiliaries
             ,
             but
             likewise
             committed
             many
             Outrages
             upon
             his
             Subjects
             ,
             having
             
             lately
             Murdered
             one
             of
             his
             Antient
             and
             Dear
             Allies
             ,
             called
             Hospitality
             ,
             and
             sorely
             bruised
             another
             ,
             called
             Charity
             ,
             which
             Cruelty
             was
             committed
             by
             Sir
             
               Lavish
               Lackwit
            
             ,
             Son-in-Law
             to
             the
             Lord
             
               Covetous
               Rack-rent
            
             ,
             by
             driving
             a
             Coach
             full
             of
             Ladies
             (
             with
             
               Six
               Horses
            
             )
             over
             them
             .
          
           
             The
             aforesaid
             Mendico
             ,
             with
             a
             mighty
             Army
             of
             Raglanders
             ,
             having
             a
             Confedracy
             with
             ,
             and
             Assistants
             of
             ,
             two
             other
             Valiant
             Commanders
             ,
             drew
             up
             his
             forces
             against
             this
             City
             ,
             and
             besieged
             it
             :
             These
             Assistants
             were
             Senior
             Gulletto
             ,
             Marquess
             of
             Bowsington
             ,
             with
             his
             Regiment
             of
             Journeymen-Shoomakers
             ;
             and
             Count-Coucumber
             ,
             with
             two
             Regiments
             ,
             consisting
             of
             about
             20000
             Journeymen-Taylors
             ,
             all
             Cloath'd
             ,
             not
             as
             Adam
             with
             Figg-leaves
             ,
             but
             what
             is
             more
             serviceable
             ,
             Cabbage
             ;
             there
             came
             also
             as
             Voluntiers
             ,
             a
             Troop
             of
             Old
             Serving-men
             ,
             and
             another
             of
             Younger-Brothers
             .
          
           
           
             During
             this
             Siege
             ,
             many
             Sallies
             ,
             and
             Skirmishes
             happened
             ,
             the
             Besiegers
             for
             the
             most
             part
             being
             the
             greatest
             Losers
             ,
             especially
             at
             that
             Resolute
             and
             Fatal
             Sally
             of
             Captain
             Tallymando
             ,
             who
             with
             a
             Party
             of
             Foot
             ,
             Consisting
             of
             Marshals-men
             ,
             made
             great
             havock
             amongst
             them
             ;
             so
             that
             what
             with
             the
             hardships
             of
             a
             long
             Siege
             ,
             and
             being
             infeebled
             with
             dayly
             Losses
             ,
             they
             were
             compell'd
             to
             quit
             their
             Stations
             ,
             and
             leave
             the
             Citizens
             to
             their
             Antient
             Liberties
             ,
             whilst
             the
             Recruitless
             Raglanders
             with
             their
             Weather-beaten
             Troops
             ,
             drew
             off
             to
             their
             Winter
             Quarters
             :
             and
             't
             is
             thought
             Poverty
             will
             hence-forward
             keep
             them
             in
             Peace
             .
          
           
             Touching
             the
             other
             Cities
             of
             this
             Province
             ,
             there
             is
             Swine-burrow
             ,
             a
             filthy
             stinking
             Town
             ;
             then
             there
             is
             
               Gatherington
               ,
               Hoardsterdam
            
             ,
             and
             Lock-ad-a-lid
             ,
             all
             handsome
             Built
             things
             ;
             but
             truly
             I
             could
             not
             come
             to
             View
             them
             〈◊〉
             
             because
             every
             particular
             Citizen
             of
             all
             these
             places
             ,
             hath
             a
             private
             Key
             to
             the
             Gates
             ,
             to
             Lock
             at
             their
             going
             out
             ,
             and
             their
             coming
             in
             ;
             so
             that
             by
             this
             meanes
             they
             prevent
             the
             Access
             of
             all
             Strangers
             :
             Therefore
             expect
             no
             farther
             Account
             of
             them
             ,
             nor
             of
             any
             others
             ,
             till
             farther
             discoveries
             are
             made
             ,
             by
             a
             second
             Travel
             .
          
           
             FINIS
             .