The wives excuse, or, Cuckolds make themselves a comedy, as it is acted at the Theatre-Royal by Their Majesties servants / written by Tho. Southern. Southerne, Thomas, 1660-1746. This text is an enriched version of the TCP digital transcription A60971 of text R28172 in the English Short Title Catalog (Wing S4769). Textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. The text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with MorphAdorner. The annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). Textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish.This text has not been fully proofread Approx. 200 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 33 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. EarlyPrint Project Evanston,IL, Notre Dame, IN, St. Louis, MO 2017 A60971 Wing S4769 ESTC R28172 10445565 ocm 10445565 45042

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Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A60971) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 45042) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1390:9) The wives excuse, or, Cuckolds make themselves a comedy, as it is acted at the Theatre-Royal by Their Majesties servants / written by Tho. Southern. Southerne, Thomas, 1660-1746. Dryden, John, 1631-1700. [6], 55 p. Printed for W. Freeman, London : 1692. Dedication in verse signed John Dryden. Reproduction of original in the Bodleian Library. eng shcnoThe Wives' Excuse, or Cuckolds Make ThemselvesSoutherne, Thomas169233812160002010.65C The rate of 10.65 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 2002-07 Assigned for keying and markup 2002-08 Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-09 Sampled and proofread 2002-09 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-10 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

THE WIVES EXCUSE : OR , Cuckolds make Themselves . A COMEDY . As it is ACTED at the Theatre-Royal , BY Their MAJESTIES Servants .

Written by Tho. Southern .

Nihil est his , qui placere volunt , tam adversarium , quam expectatio . Cicero .

LONDON , Printed for W. Freeman , at the Bible in Fleet-street , near Temple-Barr , 1692.

TO Mr. Southern ; ON HIS COMEDY , Called the WIVES EXCUSE . SUre there 's a Fate in Plays ; and 't is in vain To write , while these malignant Planets Reign : Some very foolish Influence rules the Pit , Not always kind to Sence , or just to Wit. And whilst it lasts , let Buffoonry succeed , To make us laugh ; for never was more need . Farce , in it self , is of a nasty scent ; But the gain smells not of the Excrement . The Spanish Nymph , a Wit and Beauty too , With all her Charms bore but a single show : But , let a Monster Muscovite appear , He draws a crowded Audience round the Year . May be thou hast not pleas'd the Box and Pit , Yet those who blame thy Tale , commend thy Wit ; So Terence Plotted ; but so Terence Writ . Like his thy Thoughts are true , thy Language clean , Ev'n Lewdness is made Moral , in thy Scene . The Hearers may for want of Nokes repine , But rest secure , the Readers will be thine . Nor was thy Labour'd Drama , damn'd or hiss'd , But with a kind Civility , dismiss'd : With such good manners as the Wife did use , Who , not accepting , did but just refuse . There was a glance at parting ; such a look As bids thee not give o're , for one rebuke . But if thou wou'dst be seen , as well as read ; Copy one living Author , and one dead ; The Standard of thy Style , let Etherege be : For Wit , th' Immortal Spring of Wycherly . Learn after both , to draw some just Design , And the next Age will learn to Copy thine . JOHN DRYDEN .
PROLOGUE Spoken by Mr. Betterton . GAllants , you 're welcome to our homely cheer : If you have brought your English Stomachs here ; We 'll treat you , as the French say , Cherentine . And what we want of Humour , or of Wit , Make up with your She-Neighbours in the Pit ; For on the Stage whate're we do , or say , The Vizard Masks can find you better play : With all our pains , we can but bring 'em in ; 'T is you must take the Damsels out agen : And when we 've brought you kindly thus together , 'T is your fault if you 're parted by foul weather . We hope these natural Reasons may produce , In every Whoremaster , a kind excuse For all our Faults , the Poet 's , and the Players , You 'l pardon us , if you can find out theirs . [ To the Maskers . But to the gentler Men , who love at sight , And never care to come to closer fight , We have provided work for them to night . With safety they may draw their Cannon down , And into a Surrender bomb the Town . From both side-boxes play their Batteries ; And not a Bullet shot , but burning Eyes : Those they discharge with such successful Arts , They fire , three deep , into the Ladies hearts . Since each Man here finds his Diversion , Let not the damning of our Play be one . But to the Ladies , who must sit it out , To hear us prate , and see the Oglers shoot , Begging their favour , we have this to say , In hopes of their Protection for the Play , Here is a Musick meeting every day .
EPILOGUE , Spoken by Mrs. Barry . MY Character , not being much in Vogue , Has drawn me in to speak the Epilogue : But , pray conceive me right , not to disparage That ancient , English Perquisite of Marriage ; Which , when the Priests first made all Pleasure Sin , Faster than they could cheat us , drew us in With Rites and Liberties of Cuckolding . That us'd to be the Custom , and so common , No Girl but wish'd her self a Married Woman . Whether I 've done my Husband right , or no ; Most Women may be in the right , that do : Our Author does not set up for reforming , Or giving hints to Fools who won't take warning : He 's pleas'd , that other People are pleas'd too , To help to reap that Harvest which they sow : For among all the Cuckolds of this Town , Who show themselves , and are as daily shown , Our Poets may make some of 'em their own . You find in me what may excuse a Wife : Compare at home the Picture with the Life , And most of you may find a Friendal there ; And most of you more justly us'd than here : Our Author has his ends , if he can show , The Women ne'er want cause for what they do : For , Ladies , all his aim is pleasing you . Some metled Sparks , whom nothing can withstand , Your Velvet-Fortune-Hunters , may demand , Why , when the means were in the Lady's hand , The Husband civil , and the Lover near , No more was made of the Wife's Charecter ? Damn me , cries one , had I been Betterton , And struts , and cocks , I know what I had done ; She should not ha' got clear of me so soon . You only fear such Plays may spoil your Game : But Flesh and Frailty always are the same : And we shall still proceed in our old way , For all that you can do , or Poets say .
PERSONS Represented . By Mr. Betterton . Mr. Kynnaston . Mr. Williams . Mr. Bowman . Mr. Mich. Lee. Mr. Mountford . Mr. Bright . Mr. Harris .

WOMEN . By Mrs. Barry . Mrs. Bracegirdle . Mrs. Mountford . Mrs. Cory . Mrs. Richardson .

Scene London .

THE Wives EXCUSE , OR , Cuckolds Make themselves .
ACT I. SCENE I. The outward Room to the Musick-Meeting . Several Footmen at Hazard , Some rising from Play. 1 Foot. APox on these Musick Meetings ; there 's no Fifth Act Here , a free cost , as we have at the Play-Houses , To make Gentlemen of us , and keep us out of Harms way : Nothing but Lice , and Link-Boys , In this Anti-Chamber ; or a merry Main to divert us ; And that merry Main , as you call it , makes most of us Sad all the Week after . 2 Foot. Why , what hast thou done , Gill ? 1 Foot. Undone my self , and a very good Friend of mine , my Belly , For a Week forward : I am hungry already in the apprehension Of wanting a Supper ; for my Board-Wages Is gone to the Devil with his Bones . 3 Foot. Six is the Main , Gentlemen . 4 Foot. That was my last Tester . 5 Foot. I 'll play no more � Both rising from Play. 3 Foot. Set out my hand , don't leave me so , Gentlemen . 6 Foot. Come , Sir , Seven to Six , I set you � 3 Foot. Briskly my Boy . 6 Foot. I Set you this . 3 Foot. How much ? 6 Foot. Three halfperth of Farthings . 3 Foot. Three halfperth of Farthings ? [ Rises from Play ]

I see thou retain'st the Spirit of thy Ancestors , and as thou wert born , and bred , w�lt live rnd dye a Footman .

Three halfpenny worth of Farthings !

��� He ���s like a Small beer Butler , in a Widdow-Lady's Family . ��� May'st thou starve under the tyranny of a House-keeper , And never know the comfort of Board-wages again . ��� . Well , well , I have my Money for all that . 1 Foot. Why , what a Pretty Fellow have we here debauch'd from us , And our Society , by living in a Civil Family ! But this comes Of keeping good hours , and living orderly : Idleness After Supper , in your private houses , is the Mother Of many mischiefs among the Maids . 3 Foot. Ay , ay , want of Employment has thrown him upon some Gentle Chamber-maid , and now he sets up for good husbandry , To Father her Failings , and get a Wet-Nurse for his Lady . 6 Foot. Better so , than to Father your Master's Bastards , as you do Sometimes ; or now and then cheat him of his Wench , In the Convey , and steal his Clap from him . 4 Foot. Gad I mercy i'faith , Lad. 3 Foot. That indeed is a Sin I often commit , and sometimes repent of : But , the good with the bad , I have no reason To complain of my Service . 6. Foot. Pray don't trouble your head about mine then . 2 Foot. Come , come , we have all good Places if we can keep 'em : And for my part , I am too deep in my Master's affairs , to fear The losing of mine : What think you of the Family of the Friendals , My Lads ? a publick private Family , newly set up , And of very fair Reception . 3 Foot. Ay , Dick. Thou hast the time on 't indeed . 2 Foot.

The Master of it frank and free , to make an Invitation to the whole Town ; and the Mistress hospitable , and handsome ,

To give 'em wellcome , and content : For my Master knows Every body , and contrives that every body shall know her . 3 Foot. Ay , marry Sir , there 's a Family to breed up a Pimp in ! You may make a Fortune out of such a Mistress , Before your Master can get her with Child . 2 Foot. My Master has been married not a quarter of a year , And half the young men in Town , know his Wife already ; Nay , know that he has known enough of her , Not to care for her already . 3 Foot. And that may be a very good argument for some of 'em , To perswade her to know a little of some body else , And care as little for him . 4 Foot. A very good argument , if she takes it by the right handle 2 Foot. Some of your Masters , I warrant you Will put it into her hand . 3 Foot. I know my Master has a design upon her . 2 Foot. And upon all the Women in Town . 4 Foot. Mine is in love with her . 5 Foot. And mine has hopes of her . 3. Foot. Every man has hopes of a new marry'd Woman For she marries to like her Man ; and if upon Tryal She finds she can't like her Husband ; she 'll find some body else That she can like , in a very little time , I warrant her , Or change her Men 'till she does . 2 Foot. Let her like as many as she pleases , and wellcome : As they thrive with her , I shall thrive by them : I grind by her Mill , and some of 'em I hope will set it a going . Besides , she has discover'd some of my Master's Intrigues of late . That may help to fill the Sails ; but I say nothing , I will take Fees a both sides , and betray neither . 3 Foot. If your Lady loves play , as they say she does , she will be So far in your interest , that he that makes his Court to her , Must have money to recommend him � 2 Foot. To me he must indeed , if he expects my assistance 5 Foot. Come , come , what do you think of my Master , Mr. Lovemore , for the Lady ? 3 Foot. I don't think of him . 2 Foot. Not so much as she does , I believe you ; he 's a generous Gentleman , And deserves very well of her , and me . 1 Foot. My Master , Mr. Wellvile is often at your House . 3 Foot. He follows Mrs. Sightly , I can tell you . But if your Lady , Mrs. Friendall , has a mind to be very well us'd ; Not to settle to 't ; but only by the way of a fashionable revenge , Or so , to do her self justice upon her Husband ; I look upon Mr. Wilding , My Master , one or other , to be the cleverest Cuckold-Maker In Covent-Garden . 2 Foot. Not to settle to 't indeed , for your Master is not over constant . 3 Foot. He does not stay in a Family , to be challeng'd into Westminster Hall , By the Husband's Action of battery , for an assault upon his Wife ; He is not so constant . 4 Foot. Or if your Lady be dispos'd to the more refin'd part of an Amour , Without the brutality , or design of enjoyment , Only for the pleasure of being talkt of , or so forth � 3 Foot. Your Master Courtall will fit her to a hair : For he will be as fond of the appearances of an Entrigue , As she can be ; to see him in the chase , you wou'd think He had pleasure in the Sport ; for he will be as sure Always to follow her , as never to press her : He will take as much pains , to put her undeservedly Into a Lampoon , upon his account , as he would , to avoid A handsome occasion , in private , to qualifie her for the scandal . 2 Foot. In short , Mr. Courtall will do every thing , But what he ought to do , with a Woman . 4 Foot. He has broke off with three Gentlewomen , upon my word , Within these two Months , for coming on too fast upon that business . 2 Foot. Well , there are pretenders enow ; so I have the profit , Let my Lady take the pleasure of the choice : I 'm for the Fairest Bidder . 3 Foot. What , Harry , hast thou nothing to say of thy Mistress , Mrs. Witwoud ? 7 Foot. Nothing extraordinary , but that I ' mtir'd of her . 3 Foot. She lives , as she us'd to do , least at home ; has no Business Of her own , but a great deal of other Peoples . All the Men in Town follow her , but 't is for other Women ; For she has frightned every one from a Design upon her : Then she 's a general Confidant ; and sometimes reports No more than she knows ; but that 's a favour indeed , From a Wit , as they say she is . 7 Foot. If she be a Wit , I 'll be sworn , she does not take me for one ; For she sends me very often upon very ridiculous Errands . 3 Foot. I think you have a correspondent Porter , in every quarter Of the Town , to disperce her scandalous Letters , which she is Always bantering one Fool or other withall ? 7 Foot. Four or Five always in pay with her . 3 Foot. But when Horn-Fair comes , that 's sure to be a Holy Day , And every marry'd Man , that has a Wife handsomer than she is , At her proper cost and charges , may expect a Fairing , To put him in mind of his fortune . 7 Foot. I find you know her too well , to desire to live with her . 3 Foot. I had rather be Master of the Ceremonies to a Visiting Lady , To Squire about her how-d's-you , and Usher in the formal Salutations Of all the Fops in Town , upon her day ; Nay , tho' she kept two days a week , than live in a Family with her . 1 Foot. Will this damn'd Musick-Meeting never be done ? Wou'd the Cats-guts were in the Fidlers Bellies . Two Pages meeting . 1 Page . My Lady Smirkit's Page . 2 Page . Who 's there ? my Lady Woudmore ! 1. Page . At your dear Service , Madam . 2. Page . O Lord ! Madam , I am surpriz'd to see your Ladyship here . � 2. Foot. What have we here ? 3. Foot. The Monkies Apeing their Ladies , let 'em go on . 2. Page . How can your Ladyship descend into these little Diversions Of the Town , the Plays and the Musick-meetings ? 1. Page . Little Diversions indeed , Madam , to us , who have seen So much better abroad , and still retain too much of the Delicacy of the French , to be pleas'd with the Barbarous Performances of these English. 3. Foot. That 's a touch for some of ' em . 1. Page . Yet there 's no staying always at home , your Ladyship knows . � 2. Page . Nor being always seen in the Drawing-room , I vow , and swear : � 1. Page . So that , Madam , we are almost under a necessity Of appearing in these publick places . � 2. Page . An absolute necessity of shewing our selves sometimes . 1. Page . Ay , but , Madam , then the men , they do so Ogle one . � 3. Foot. Ah! very well , Mr. Charles . 1. Page . Into all the little Confusions , That a Woman is liable to upon those occasions . 2. Page . I swear my Lord Simperwel has an irrisistible way with him . 1. Page . He ogl'd me all the Musick long , I believe every body Took notice of it , so suriously , I could not bear it my self : I vow and swear , he almost made me blush ;

And I wou'd rather do any thing to deserve blushing , in another place , than by a Country modesty betray such an unpardonable want of breeding , to the censure of so much good Company .

3 Foot. I dare swear for her Ladyship , She had rather do it than blush for 't . 1 Page . Why how now , Jack Sauce ? [ to the Footman . ] But did I blush , Madam ? [ To the Page . ] 2 Page . Only for your Friends , Madam , to see us so neglected . 1 Page . Fye , fye , Madam , you made your Conquest too . I minded no body but my Lord ; and I vow and swear ,

I must own it , Madam , he ogles one more like a Man of Quality , than any body about Town , that I know of , and I think I am pretty well acquainted with all the soft looks in Town .

2 Page . One after another we have 'em all � but Jesu , Madam � 1 Page . Ay , Madam . 2 Page . They say the French Fleet will be here next Summer , With their Tourviles , and their things , And , Jesu , Madam , Ravish us all . 1 Page . O Lord , Madam , Ravishing us is nothing , But our dear Religion , Madam , what will they do to that ? 2 Page . Ay , what indeed , Madam ? 1 Page .

I wou'd not lose the gaping Galleries of our Churches , for the best Religion in Christendom .

3. Foot. You are pretious Pages indeed , Betray your Ladies secrets , before you come in to ' em . Within . Make way for my Lord there , bear back Gentlemen . 1 Foot. So , so , 't is done at last , Let 's get the Coaches to the door . [ Exeunt Omnes . ] The Curtain drawn up , shews the Company at the Musick-Meeting ; after an Italian Song , Lovemore , Wellvile , Wilding , Courtall , Springame , Friendall , Raffle , Mrs. Friendall , Sightly , Wittwoud , Fanny advance to the Front of the Stage . Mr. Fr. Ladies and Gentlemen , how did you like the Musick ? Sight . O very fine sure , Sir. Witt. What say you to 't , young Gentlemen ? Spring . I have something to say to you , I like a great deal better , Provided you won't laugh at me . [ Going aside with her . ] But the Musick 's extreamly sine � [ To the Company . ] Well . Especially the Vocal part . For I did not understand a word on 't . Mr. Fr. Nor I , faith , Wellvile , out the words were Italian . They sung well , and that 's enough for the pleasure of the Ear. Court. By which I find your sense is sound . Mr. Fr. And sound sense is a very good thing , Courtall � [ Goes to Wild. ] Well . That thou wot never be the better for . Mr. Fr. Wilding , thou hast been so busie about that Young Girl there , thou know'st nothing of the matter . Wild. O , Sir , you 're mistaken , I am a great Admirer � Mr. Fr. Of every thing in Petticoats . Wild.

Of these Musical Entertainments ; I am very Musical , and love any call , that brings the Women together .

Court. Tho' it were a Cat-call . Mr. Fr. Vocal , or Instrumental ! which do you most approve of ?

If you are for the Instrumental , there were the Sonata's to night , and the Chacons , which you know �

Wild. The Sonata's and the Chacons which I know !

Not I , Sir , I don't know 'em : they may be two Italian Fidlrs of your acquaintance , for any thing I know of ' em .

Mr. Fr.

Fye , fye , Fidlers ! Masters , if you please , Wilding , Masters , excellent in their Art , and Famous for many admirable Compositions .

[ mingles with the Company . ] Court. So , he 's fast in his own snare , with his Sonata's , And Chacons : But how goes the World , Wilding ? Wild. The same Women every day , and in every publick appearance . Court. Here are some faces , I see , of your acquaintance . Wild. Ay , Pox take 'em , I see 'em too often to forget 'em : Wou'd their Owners thought as ill of 'em as I do ,

They would keep 'em at home : but they are for shewing their Show still , tho' no body cares for the sight .

[ They mix with the Company . ] Witt. Methinks 't is but good manners in Mr. Lovemore , To be particular to your Sister , when her Husband Is so Universal to the Company . Spring . Prithee leave her to her Husband :

She has satisfied her Relations enough in marrying this Coxcomb ; now let her satisfie her self , if she pleases , with any body she likes better .

Witt. Fye , fye , there 's no talking to you , You carry my meaning further than I design'd . Spring . Faith I took it up but where you left it , Very near the matter . Spring . No , no , you grow scandalous ; and I would not Be thought to say a scandalous thing of a Friend . Spring . Since my Brother in Law is to be a Cuckold , As it must be mightily my Sister's fault , if he be not , I think Lovemore as proper a Fellow to carry on So charitable a work , as she cou'd ha' lit upon : And if he has her consent to the business , She has mine , I assure you . Witt. A very reasonable Brother ! Spring . Wou'd you would be as reasonable a Friend , And allow me as many Liberties as I do her . Witt. Why , so I will : she has the Men , and you shall have the Women , The whole Sex to pick and chuse � Spring . One Mistress out of � Witt. As many as you please , and as often as you have occasion . Spring . Why , faith , that pleases me very well ; you hit My constitution , as if you were familiar with it , Or had a mind to be so . Witt. Not I indeed , Sir. Spring . And I have , as you were saying � Witt. As I was saying ! Spring . Very often an occasion for a Mistress . Witt. You say so your self , I know nothing of your occasions . Spring . Shall I bring you acquainted with some of ' em ? I have great variety , and have , every day , a new occasion

For a new Mistress : If you have a mind to be satisfied in this point , let me go along with you �

Witt. Home with me ? Spring . Or home with me , will do my business as well . Wit. But it won't do mine , Sir. Spring . Then let it be home with you , Tho' my Lodging is very convenient . Witt. Why , this is suddain indeed , upon so small an acquaintance : But 't is something too soon for you , And a little too late for me . Spring . Not to repent , I hope , Madam ? better late than never , You know : Come , come , I have known A worse offer better received . Witt. And this offer you will make to every Woman , Till it be received , I dare answer for you . Spring . That 's more than you can do for your self for refusing it .

But the folly fall upon your o�n head : I have done my part , and 't is your fault if you 're idle �

[ Goes away . ] Sight . You have been entertain'd , Cozen � [ Sightly to her . ] Witt. By a very pretty prating Fellow , Cozen ;

And I could be contented to let him show his parts this way , as often as he pleas'd .

Sight . What! like a man of Honour , he 's for making good What he says � Witt. And comes so quick upon that business , he won't afford A Woman a reasonable liking-time , to make a decent Excuse to her self , if she shou'd allowd ��� a favour . Sight . The young Officer has heard enough of your Character , I suppose , not to put it too much into your power Of laughing at him . Witt. I 'm sorry for t : I would have a man know just enough Of me , to make him a Lover ; and then , in a little time , I should know enough of him , to make him an Ass. Sight . This will come home to you one day . Witt. In any shape but a Husband , Cozen. observing Lovemore with Mrs. Friendall . But methinks Lovemore , and Mrs. Friendall Are very seriously engag'd � Sight . I have had an Eye upon ' em . Wit. For such a trisle as Cuckolding a Husband is in this Town . Sight . The men will always design upon our Sex ; But I dare answer for her . � Wit.

And so will I. That if she should fall from the frailty of the Flesh , into that folly , she will appear no Monster ,

What ever her Husband may be . What say you to a ramble after the Musick ? Sight . I say nothing to 't . Wit. A Hackney jaunt , from one end of the Town to t'other ? Sight . 'T is too late . Wit. I know two several Companies gone into the City , One to Pontacks , and t'other to the Rummer , to Supper : I want to disturb , strangely ; what say you , Coz ? Let 's put on our Masques , draw up the Glasses , And send up for the Men , to make their Women uneasse : There 's one of 'em to be marry'd , it may do good upon her , By shewing what she must trust to , if she will have a Husband . Sight . And can you be so mischievous ? Wit. Can you resist the Temptation ? Sight . I came with Mrs. Friendal , and must go home with her . Look to your charge there . Wit. I have an Eye that way . Sight . We shall see you to morrow , Cousin ? Wit. At your Toylet , Cousin ; you are always My first Visit. [ Goes to Wilding and Fanny . Mrs. Fr. Is this your Friendship to Mr. Friendal ? I must not hear it . Love. You see he g��es you leave . Mrs. Fr. Therefore I can't take it ; the Confidence is so generous , That ev'n that wou'd secure me to him . Love. The Confidence is as generous on your side ; And do you think that will secure him to you ? Mrs. Fr. I 'll ask him , if you please . Love. You 'll but disturb him . Mrs. Fr. Mr. Friendal . [ Calling him . Mr. Fr. Ha! what 's the matter , Madam ? Mrs. Fr. There has happened her ��� scurvy Dispute between me And one of your Friends , Sir , as you think fit to call ' em . Mr. Fr. A Dispute ! about what , prithee ? but before I hear A word on 't , Lovemore , thou art certainly in the wrong , In holding an Argument with a Woman . Love. I begin to think so too , Sir , for contending with a Lady , That will be try'd by no body , but her Husband . Mr. Fr. But what 's the business ? Nothing extraordinary between you , I hope ? Mrs. Fr. Believe me , Sir , I think it very extraordinary . � Lov. Very extraordinary indeed , Madam , to be so publickly Expos'd for a private Opinion . Mrs. Fr. And you shall be the judge of the difference . Mr. Fr. No , no , no difference among Friends , it must not come to that , I 'le make up all differences between you . Love. You may do much indeed to set all straight . Mr. Fr. And so I will , i'faith Lovemore , I 'le reconcile all I warrant you ; but come , what is this mighty matter between you ? Mrs. Fr. I think it a mighty matter , Mr. Friendall , to be so far Suspected in my Conduct , that any one , under the Title Of your Friend , should dare , in your absense , To be so very Familiar with me � Mr. Fr. How , Madam ! Love. All will out , I see . [ Aside . Mr. Fr. In my absence , so very familiar with you . Mrs. Fr. As to censure these innocent Liberties that the Women Allow themselves in the Company of their Husbands . Love. So , she has sav'd her Credit with me , Mrs. Friendall joyns Mrs. Sightly , and Witwoud . And mine with her Husband . Mr. Fr. Why , Lovemore , thou art in the wrong of all this ;

I desir'd you to sport off a little Gallantry with my Wife , to Entertain and Divert her , from making her observations upon me , and thou dost nothing but play the Critick upon her .

Love. I find I was mistaken . But how wou'd you have me behave my self ? Mr. Fr. Why , I wou'd have you very frequent in your Visits , And very obliging to my Wife : Now and then , to carry on Our other Pleasures the better : For an amusement , or so , You may say a Civil thing to her , for every Woman , you know , Loves to have a Civil thing said to her sometimes ; But then you must be very cautious in the expression ; If she shou'd in the least apprehend that you had a design Upon her , 't wou'd raise the Devil in one part of the Family , And lay him in another , perhaps , where I had a mind to employ him : Therefore I wou'd have you keep in Favour with her � Love. I 'le do my best , I promise you . Mr. Fr. She 's inclining , you must know , to speak very well of you ; And that she does of very few of the Men , I assure you : She approves of the intimacy and Friendship between us , And of your coming to the House ; and that may Stand you instead with the Lady , you wot off � Love. I apprehend you � so begging the Ladies Pardon [ To Mrs. Friendal . With a design of doing something to deserve it . � Wit. That will never fail with the Women , Mr. Lovemore . Love. I will make an Interest with the Masters , To give you a Song at parting . [ Goes to the Masters . Sight . An English Song , good Mr. Lovemore . Mr. Fr. O by all means , an English Song . [ Goes the Masters too . Welvile . Any Song , which won't oblige a Man. To tell you , he has seen an Opera at Venice to understand . Mr. Fr. Pray , let him sing the Ladies the Song I gave him . Musick-Master . Which Song , Sir ? Mr. Fr. The last . Musick-Master . 'T is not set , Sir. Mr. Fr. Not set , Sir ! [ Turning from him , to the Ladies . Love. That 's a Fault he 'll never forgive you . Musick-Master . Why , really , Sir , I would serve any Gentleman to my power ; But the Words are so abominably out of the way of Musick , I don't know how to humour 'em : There 's no setting 'em , Or singing 'em , to please any body , but himself . Sight . O! but we lose by this . Mr. Fr. Hang e'm , idle Rascals ; they care not what Entertainment We lose , so they have but our Money . Sight . Is it your own Song , Mr. Friendall ? Mr. Fr. I must not rob your Ladyship of your Part in it . Sight . My Part in your Song , Sir ! Mr. Fr. You were the Muse that inspir'd me ; I writ it upon your Ladyship . Sight . Fye , fye ; That Pride wou'd ruin me : But I know you say so to every Woman . [ She turns from him . Mr. Fr. I gad , she 's i' th' right on 't ; I have told a Dozen so already at the Musick-meeting , And most of 'em believe me . Sight . Does Mr. Friendall often write Songs , Madam ? Mrs. Fr. He does many things , he shou'd not do , Madam ; But I think he loves me , and that excuses him to me : Tho' , you may be sure , 't is with the tenderest Concern for my own Reputation , that I see my Husband daily trifle away his So notoriously , in one Folly or other of the Town . [ Goes to Mr. Friendall . Witt. For his own Reputation , it must be ; For the World will believe , she turns such a Husband To the right Use , whatever she says to the contrary . Mrs. Fr. Mr. Friendall , pray be satisfied with a good Estate ; And not imagine , because you have that , you have every thing else . The business of writing Songs should be over with a married Man. And since I can't be suspected to be the Phillis , or Cloris . 'T is an Affront to me , to have any other Woman thought so . Mr. Fr. Indeed , Madam , so far you are right : I never heard of any Man , that writ a Song upon his Wife . SONG , By Major-General Sackvile . INgrateful Love ! Thus every Hour , To punish me by her Disdain ! You tyrannise to show your Power ; And She , to triumph in my Pain . You , who can laugh at Humane Woes , And Victims to her Pride decree , On me , your yielding Slave , impose Your Chains ; but leave the Rebel free . How fatal are your poyson'd Darts ! Her conqu'ring Eyes the Trophies boast , Whilst you insnare poor wandring Hearts , That in her Charms and Scorn are lost . Impious , and Cruel : You deny A Death , to ease me of my Care ; Which she delays , to make me try The force of Beauty , and Despair . Mr. Fr. Lovemore , We may thank you for this : But when you keep your Promise to me , at Dinner , to Morrow , And you , and you , and all of you , Gentlemen , [ Speaks to all the Men. I 'll do you Reason to the good Company . Some of my Servants there . � [ Goes to the Door . Court. Madam , I am very luckily here to offer you my Service . Mrs. Fr. No particular Woman must expect it from so general A Follower of the Sex , as Mr. Courtall is . Court. A general Follower of the Sex indeed , Madam , In my Care of ' em . Mrs. Fr. Besides , 't is dangerous to be seen with a Man of your Character ; For if you don't make it an Intrigue , the Town makes it for you : And that does most of your Business as well . Court. There 's no knowing a Man by his Character in this Town ; The Partiality of Friends , and the Prejudice of Enemies , who divide it , Always make him better or worse than he deserves . Mrs. Fr. If you have no regard to my Reputation , pray be tender of your own . 'T is now-a-days as scandalous in a Man , who wou'd be thought to know The Town ( as I know you wou'd ) to wait upon a bare Face to her Coach , As it us'd to be to lead out a Vizard-Mask : But the Pit has got the better of the Boxes , With most of you , in that point of Civility ; And I don't doubt , but it turns to better Account . Spring . Indeed , Sister , it does turn to better Account ; And therefore we must provide for our selves . � Takes Courtall with him . To Mrs. Witwoud . Why , here 's a Woman , Courtall � If she had a Vizard-Mask to encourage me � [ Lovemore goes to Mrs. Friendall . I cou'd go to the World's end with her : But , as she is , bare-fac'd , and an honest Woman � Wit. You 'll do a foolish thing , for once ; see her to her Coach , I dare say for you , to make her otherwise . Spring . Why , if it must be so � [ Addressing to her . Wild. You own your Aunt is a-bed ; and you see Mrs. Witwoud's Too busie to mind your going away with me . Fanny . I can't to night , but I 'll call upon you to morrow morning , As I go to Six a Clock Prayers . Love. I hope , Madam , I may without exception wait upon you . [ To Mrs. Friendall . Welvile . And , Madam , I have the Title of an old Servant to your Ladyship , To expect that favour from you � [ To Mrs. Sightly . Sight . Mr. Friendall , having a handsome Wife in the Company , May be jealous ; and you will pardon me , If I am unwilling to give him a suspicion of a Man , Whom I would have every body think as well of , as I do my self . Mrs. Fr. Mr. Friendall gives you more opportunities than I can approve of , And I cou'd wish you wou'd not take the advantage of 'em , They 'll turn to no account . [ Leads Mrs. Sightly . Mr. Fr. Come , Ladys , I am your Man I find � [ Mrs. Friendall following . Ruffle . What think you of this occasion ? Love. You can't have a better ; follow him � [ Springam leads Witwoud , And be famous � [ Wilding leads Fanny out . Well . What have you now in hand ? [ Raffle after the Company . Love. Why all my hopes of the Wife depending upon the Senceless behaviour of the Husband : I have contriv'd , by this Fellow , before her face too , to expose Him , a way , that must ruine him with her for ever ; Let 's follow , and expect the event � [ Exeunt .
SCENE Changes to the Street . Several Link-Boys , and Footmen . Link-boy . Have a light Gentlemen , have a light , Sir , [ Springam with Witwoud . Spring . Light your selves to the Devil . [ Wilding with Fanny , and several others . 2 Link B. Bless you Master , we can find the way in the dark . Shall I light your Worship there ? Spring . Then call a Coach , and thy Wit shall be thy reward . 5 Foot. Mr. Friendall's Coach there � Mr. Friend . enters , leading Mrs. Sightly with his Wife , Ruffle enters after ' em . Lovemore and Wellvile in the rear . 'T is at the door , Sir. Mr. Fr. I must improve ' every opportunity With your Ladyship , to convince you of the truths I have been telling you to night , and in this Billet , I give it under my Hand how very much I am your Servant � [ Sightly throws it behind her . Sight . Fye , fye , before your Wife � [ Ruffle takes it up . Mrs. Fr. Sir , that Paper don't belong to you . Friendall leads Mrs. Sightly off , and returns for his Wife . Ruffle . Don't be jealous , Lady , I know no design The Gentlewoman has as yet upon my Person And I 'll belong to you , if this Gentleman pleases . Mr. Fr. You 're pleas'd to be merry , Sir , but no touching her , I beseech you . Mrs. Fr. What wou'd the Fellow have ? Ruffl . Why , I wou'd have this Fellow gone about his business . Mr. Friend . My Business lies here at present , Sir. Raffle . You lye there , Sir. Hits Mr. Friendall a box on the ear , and draws , the Women shriek , Mrs. Friendall pretends to hold her Husband , the Company come about ' em . Mrs. Fr. Good Mr. Friendall , another time , Consider where you are . You are more a Man of honour , I know , than to draw your Sword Among the Women ; I am sorry this has hapned in a place Where you can't right your self , without wronging the Company . But you 'll find a time to do a justice to your self , and the Ladies , Who have suffer'd in the apprehension of such a brutality . Spring . I 'll go along with you � [ All go off but Witwoud . Wit. Wou'd the Devil had 'em , for drawing their Swords here ; I have lost my little Captain in the fray : My Charge is departed too , and for this night I suppose has left me To make an excuse to the Family , for her lying abroad With a Country Cozen , or so ; that Rogue Wilding has carry'd Her home with him , and 't is as well now , as a week hence , For when these young Wenches once set their hearts upon 't , Every thing gives them an opportunity to ruine themselves : Her Aunt Teazall has made her rise to Six a Clock Prayers , to sine Purpose , if this be the fruits of her Devotion : but since she must Fall to some body , I 'm glad Wilding has her , for he 'll use her ill enough In a little time , to make her wiser for the future , By the dear experience , and vexation of this Intrigue , ( Being disappointed of many things she expects ) She may make a virtue of necessity , repent because she can't keep him to her self , And make an honest man a very good Wife yet . [ Exit . Ruffle . I have done my part , and am satisfied [ Lovemore , Woolvile , Ruffle return . With the honour of the Atchievement . Love. 'T is a reputation clear-gain'd . Since there 's no danger of accounting for 't . Ruffle . So thanking you , for this occasion of shewing my self , I am your humble Servant � [ Exit . Wellvile . Who is this Hero , pray ? Love.

Why this is a Spark , that has had the misfortune of being kick'd very lately , and I have helpt him to this occasion of repairing his honour , upon our very good friend , a greater Coward than himself :

He has serv'd my ends , now let him serve the Towns. Wellv . But did you observe how the Lady behaved her self In the Quarrel , to conceal her Husband's Cowardise ? Love. What a handsome excuse she made in his favour , to the Company ? When she can never make any for him to her self . Wellvile .

This matter well manag'd , may turn to account ; tho' you must not be seen to expose him , you may take the advantage of his exposing himself .

Love.

And let her say what she can , upon this subject , I believe no Woman can be contented to have her Honour , much longer than her Fortune in the possession of a Man , who has no fund of his own , to answer in security for either .

Thus , who a Married Woman's Love wou'd win , Shou'd with the Husband's failings first begin ; Make him but in the fault , and you shall find A Good Excuse will make most Women kind . [ Exeunt .
ACT the Second , SCENE I. Witwou'd at a Table , with Betty , and a Footman waiting . Wit. NO News of my Cozen Fanny this morning ? Betty . For God's sake , Madam , not a word of her lying out To night , we shall have the Devil to do With the Old Gentlewoman , if she knows it . Wit. That 's a secret I can keep from her , for my own sake , Betty : But how comes this about ? I 'm quite out of Gilt Paper ; Harry , you fetch me two or three Quire from Mr. Bentleys , And call at Mrs. Da Robe's , my Mantoa-Womans , As you come back , for Letters � and d' you hear ? Give this Note to Joe the Porter , he needs no instructions ; Let him leave it for Mr. Wilding � [ Footman and Maid go out . I find I must meddle in this business ; For her Visits at this rate , will not only be troublesome To him ( as I would have 'em ) but in a little time , Be publick to the whole Town : Now , tho' I am very well pleased with any matter Of Scandal ; I am so nearly related to the interest Of this Girl , I wou'd not have her the occasion of it . They say the Understanding ought to be suited To the Condition , to make any one happy : Wou'd she were in a Condition suitable To her Understanding ; she has wit enough For a Wife , and nothing else that I know of . Teazall Enters to her . Teaz . O , Madam ! you 're wellcome home . Wit. Rather good morrow , Cozen. Teaz . Rather good morrow indeed , That 's the properer Salutation : For you 're never to be seen in your Lodging At any other time of the day ; and then too , As soon as you 're out a Bed in a morning , You Summon a Congregation of your Fellows Together , to hear you prate by the hour , Flatter every body in the Company , Speak ill of every one that 's absent , And scatter about the scandal of that day . Wit. Why , Madam , you won't quarrel at that , I hope , 'T is one of the most fashionable , innocent Diversions of the Town , It makes a great deal of mirth , speaking ill of People , And never does any body any harm . Teaz . Not with any that know you , I believe . How came you home last night ? The night before , you arriv'd like a Carted Bawd , Justly punished for the Sins of the People . You confess'd you were forc'd to bilk your Coach , To get rid of the Coxcombs , that dog'd you From the Play-House , and being pursu'd By the Coachman , and Footmen ( for I don't doubt But you gave the Gentlemen encouragement enough , To come home with you ) you lookt as if You belong'd to a Cellar , in some of the Allies You were hunted through , and had been Caterwawling in all the kennels in Town . Wit. That was an unfortunate night indeed . Teaz . Well , deliver every good womans Child , I say , From such daggle-tail'd Courses as these are ; What will be the end of 'em , I beseech you ? You will make your self as odious in a little time , As you endeavour to make every body else : This is not the way to get a Husband ; The Men know too much of you already , To desire any more of you . Wit. I don't set up for a Husband . Teaz . Marry come up here ! You may have An occasion for an Husband , when you can't get one , Husbands are not always to be had at a months Warn'ng , to finish anothers work : What , 't is beneath the Character of a she Wit , � suppose , to be constant : or is a Husband Out of fashion of you forsooth ? Another Woman's husband can go down with you , To my knowledge , and as ugly a Rogue too , With as hanging a Countenance , as I cou'd wish Any Villain I had a mind To be rid of � your diversion , as you call him . Wit. O spare my shame , I own he is my curse , Doom'd for my plague , and pleasure . Teaz . Spare your shame ! I 'll say that for you , You have not been sparing of any endeavour , That cou'd bring a shame any way into the Family Wherever you lived yet ; if there was ever a Fool Soft enough to throw it upon . All your Relations know you , and are afraid To have you in a House with 'em : And I suppose you are very well pleas'd to be From under their roof ; to have your Fellows come After you , to my House , as they do ; And as I am Fool enough to allow of . Wit. For no harm , Cousin , I hope . Teaz . Perhaps you think it no harm ; And , indeed , it can't easily do you any harm : But , I 'm sure , I have one of my Nieces Already undone , by your bringing her Acquainted with some of ' em . I was forc'd to marry her , you know , Below her Rank ( for the usual Reason Of this End of the Town ) into the City , Where 't was less scandalous , the Wives there Having a Charter for what they do . And now Fanny , a very Girl , when I have provided A Husband , and all , for her , ( for she must have a Husband , ) She takes after her Sister ; ( as a little thing Will make a President for what we are Inclined to ; ) she takes after her Sister , I say , And is unfortunately engaged in a Passion For Mr. Wilding : And how to prevent it � Wit. Indeed , I must acknowledge I was , in a great Measure , the unfortunate Cause of my Cousin Biddy's Miscarriage ; but for my Cousin Fanny , Rely upon me ; nothing shall come on 't : I am now going to Mr. Wilding On that Account ; and have sent a Note To secure him at his Lodgings till I come . Teaz . Well , Where 's this Girl ? [ Betty Enters . Why does not she come , when I send for her ? Betty . Madam , she went to Six-a-Clock Prayers , And is not come back yet . Teaz . God's Bodykins ! Has she got the trick on 't ? Of abusing the Church into the place Of Assignation already ? Wilding has carry'd her home with him . That 's certain : Get you gone after her ; May be you may prevent his wicked Design on her . Go , go , and redeem her , Tho' you leave your self in her room . Wit. I 'm oblig'd to you , truly , Madam . Teaz . I dare venture you , You 'll not be in Love with him ; You 'll give him as good as he brings ; And , let the worst come to the worst , You have lived too long in the Town , To be uneasie for any Man ; Or be concern'd beyond the Pleasure And Convenience of the Intrigue . Therefore I may venture you , a little time Goes a great way in this business ; deliver her , And I won't find fault with you , these three days You shall do what you please � [ Exeunt .
SCENE II. Mr. Friendall's House . Mrs. Friendall following Mr. Friendall . Mrs. Fr. Nay , Mr. Friendall , I know what you will object to me ; But you must hear me out . The concern , and care of your reputation , Is as dear to me , as it can be tender to you ; Since I must appear to the world , only in that rank of honour , Which you are pleas'd to maintain . Mr Fr. Why , Madam , you have as handsome an Equipage As any Man's Wife in Town , that has a Father alive . Mrs Fr. This must not put me off , I see you make little of the matter , to hide it from my fears ; And there indeed you 're kind : but 't is in vain To think of concealing from me , what you intend , From what you ought to do , I know what you will do , After so base a wrong . Mr. Fr. A Drunken extravagance , the Fellow Will be sorry for 't , when he 's sober � Mrs. Fr. If you wou'd stay till then . Mr. Fr. And beg my pardon . Mrs Fr. That he shall do , if that wou'd satisfie you . Mr. Fr. Satisfie me ! Mrs. Fr. And let it satisfie you , It ought to satisfie you from such a one . For , I believe he wou'd not have quarrel'd any where else , Nor there neither , but upon the prospect Of being prevented , or parted , or secur'd over night , In order to beg pardon in the morning . Mr. Fr. Ay , Madam , but consider � Mrs. Fr. Pray consider me , Mr. Friendall ; I must suffer every way , if you Proceed to a revenge ; In your danger , which must be mine ; In my honour , which ought to be more yours ; Than to expose it upon every little occasion � Come , come , in other things you have a good Opinion of my conduct , pray let me govern here : You may be assur'd , I 'll do nothing to lessen you , The satisfaction shall be as publick as the affront . Leave it to me for once , I won not be deny'd � He is not worth your danger . Mr. Fr. Well , you shall govern me . Mrs. Fr. What you are a marry'd man ; And have a good Estate settled upon you ; And shou'd not be accountable to every idle Rake-hell . That has a mind to establish a Renown , From being troublesome to publick places . Mr. Fr. What then wou'd you propose ? Mrs. Fr. A small request ; not to stir abroad , Nor be at home to any body , 'till you hear from me . Mr. Fr. I promise you I won't � [ Exit . Mrs. Fr. I dare take your word : His lameness last Night , And backwardness this Morning , In resenting that blow , satisfie me That he is not in a Fever for Fighting : I don't know that he is a Coward ; But having these reasons to suspect him , I thought this was my best way to hinder him From discovering himself . For if he had betray'd that baseness to me , I shou'd despise him ; and can I love the Man I most despise ? Brother , I sent for you � [ Springam to her . Spr. To make up this quarrel I know , and I come to lend A helping hand to the work , I design to be a Second in the business . Mrs. Fr. You must be my Second then , For I have taken the Quarrel upon me . Spr. With all my heart , I gad ; We , who live all the Summer for the Publick , Shou'd live in the Winter for our selves � Mrs. Fr. And the Women , good Captain � Spr. That 's living for our selves , For 't is not living without 'em : And a Duel now might but interrupt a Month Of other Business perhaps , that would be more agreeable To my constitution , I assure you : Then we are to have no fighting it seems ? Mrs. Fr. For Reasons I 'll tell you hereafter . Spr. Nay there was no great danger of it ; I have found out the Gentleman's Lodgings , and Character . We shall strike up a Peace before a Bottle's to an end . Mrs. Fr. This Challenge must be deliver'd as from him ; I trust the management to you : Only take this in advice , that Mr. Friendal Wants your assistance within ; you must stand by him , And oblige the Gentleman to make him satisfaction , Without bringing his Person in danger . And he shall satisfie him , or me . Spr. I understand you , and he shall satisfie him , or me . Mrs. Fr. See him satisfied , and I 'll satisfie you , with something Shall be better to a younger Brother , Than the false Musters of a Winters quarter . Spring . I warrant you . [ Exit . Mrs. Fr. Whatever I think of him , I must not let him fall Into the Contempt of the Town : Every little Fellow , I know , will be censoriously inquisitive , And maliciously witty , upon another Man's Cowardise , Out of the pleasure of finding as great a Rascal as himself . How despicable a Condition must that Matrimony be , When the Husband ( whom we look upon as a Sanctuary for a Woman's Honour ) must be obliged to the Discretion And Management of a Wife , For the Security of his own ! Have a care of thinking that way ; For in a marry'd State , as in the publick , We tye our selves up , indeed ; but to be protected In our Persons , Fortunes and Honours , By those very Laces , that restrain us in other things ; For few will obey , but for the Benefit They receive from the Government � [ Servant enters . Serv. Madam , Mr. Lovemore � [ Goes out . Mr. Fr. Lovemore here ! I know he comes to tempt me to rebel ; But I 'm prepar'd for him . � [ Lovemore Enters . Good Morrow Mr. Lovemore . Love. I cou'd not expect to see your Ladyship so early : I come to Mr. Friendall . Mr. Fr. May I thank you for the Visit ? Love. I came as a Friend , you may be sure , Madam : Where your Honour 's concern'd , I can't be an Enemy . Mrs. Fr. Not reasonably , indeed , to any Man that wou'd injure it , Since you are a profess'd Enemy . Love. An Enemy ! Mrs. Fr. Unless you will allow no body to ruin it , But your self . Love. Indeed , I wou'd allow no body to defend it , but my self , If I had the keeping of it : But a happier Man Has that Title , and I can only hope To be a Second in your Service . Mrs. Fr. I thank you for the Service you design me ; But that happier Man , as you call him , Who has the Title , will maintain it , it seems ; For he , and my Brother Springam , I 'm afraid , Are gone about it already . Love. Gone , Madam ! Mrs. Fr. An Hour ago , before I had notice to prevent 'em : For Mr. Friendall , you may be sure , Was impatient for an Occasion of righting himself . Love. I might have thought so , indeed , Madam : Wou'd I had come sooner . Mrs. Fr. You may yet be serviceable to me , Sir , tho' you are too late for Mr. Fr. Love. How , Madam , I beseech you ? Mrs. Fr. By endeavouring to prevent 'em : You are acquainted . With the Ways of reconciling Matters of this Honourable Nature . I am going to make an Interest with a Kinsman , A Collonel of the Guards , my self , to secure ' em . Let your good Nature in this , be a Proof of your Friendship ; And command me to my Power . � [ Exit . Love. Prevent ' em ! Yes , yes : That I must do for my own sake : For if he shou'd behave himself better than I imagin'd he wou'd , It may secure him in his Wife's Esteem , and only Ruin me with her , who laid the Design . [ Exit .
SCENE III. Wilding's Lodgings . Wilding , and his Man. Wild. Have you dispos'd of her ? Serv. Safe into a Chair , Sir ; she 's jogging homeward , Lighter by a Maiden-head , I presume , than she came , Sir. Wild. The Loss is not so light , but she may feel it . Serv. Heavy enough , perhaps , nine Months hence , Sir. But have you sent ever a Lye along with her ? Wild. How , Sirrah ? Serv. pardon me , Sir : Not that I believe your Honour Was sparing of your Conscience , in saying any thing , And swearing to 't , that she had a mind to believe . Wild. That you may swear , indeed . Serv. But she 's gone away so very well satisfy'd With what you have said and done to her , She 's above inventing a Lye for her self : The first angry Word they give her at home , I suppose , you may hear of her ; a Hackney-Coach Removes her , and her Commodes , upon very little warning ; And I expect when she will send in half a dozen Band-boxes , to take possession of your Lodgings . But , pray Sir , if I may be so bold � Wild. Yes , yes ; at this time you may be so bold : The Service of your Wit secures you the Privilege of your Jest. Serv. Then , pray Sir , why did you take so much pains To persuade this young Creature to come away From her Aunt , when I know you never design To take care of her your self ? Wild. Why , 'Faith , I can't make you a very good Answer : But the best Reason I know of , is , ( Besides the Reputation of undoing her ) It looks kind , at the time , to talk of providing For the Woman that does one the favour . 'T was a very plausible Argument , to cozen her into a Consent ; Level to my Design of Lying with her , And carry'd to the very Mark of Love. Indeed , it costs nothing to promise , Serv. When nothing can oblige you to pay : And if she depends upon it , at her peril ; 'T is she will be disappointed , not you ; Tho' Ten to One , poor little Rogue , from the Fondness Of her own Inclinations , she guesses at yours : And fancies , from the Courtesie she has done you , You will be so civil a Gentleman , to marry her . Wild. Not unlikely : There 's none of these young Girls , ( Let a Man's Character be never so loose among 'em , ) But , from one Vanity , or other , will be encouraged to design and venture upon him : And tho' Fifty Of their Acquaintance have fall'n in the Experiment , Each of them will still imagine , she has something , Particular , in her Person , forsooth , to reclaim , And engage him to her self . So most of 'em Miscarry , upon the Project of getting Husbands , Serv. Gad forgive me for Swearing ; but , as I hope to be sav'd , And that 's a bold Word for a Foot-man ��� beg your Pardon ; There 's a Lady below , in a Vizard , to speak with you . [ Exit . Wild. Get you gone , you Rascal ; beg her Pardon , and Leave To wait upon her : She wou'd have been admitted , in less time , To a Privy Counsellors leave , though he had laid aside The Business of the Nation , to manage hers . This must be the Letter-Lady : She comes a little unseasonable , if she knew all : If she has Experience enough to allow for some Natural Miscarriages , which may happen in the beginning Of an Amour , I may pacifie her that way : 'T is but swearing heartily , damming the Modesty Of my Constitution , laying its Faults upon an Over-respect To her , and promising better things for the future : That us'd to be a current Excuse ; but 't is the Women's Fault , If it pass too often upon ' em . � If she prove an old Acquaintance , the Coldness of the Entertainment will secure me from the Persecution of her Visits Hereafter : But if it be a Face I never saw , I may use her well enough yet , to encourage her To another Appointment . So every way does my Business , Whatever becomes of the Ladies . � [ Wittwood Enters Mask'd . O , Madam , I beg your Pardon . � Witt. No Excuses , good Sir ; Men of Employment are above Good Breeding ; and I see you have a great deal upon your hands , Wild. I am a Man of Business , indeed , Madam ; And , as you were pleas'd to signifie in your Letter , My Practice lies among the Women : What can I do for you ? Witt. Can't you tell what , Sir ? You are not the Man I took you for : But you are like our Fortune-tellers , Who come into our Secrets , more by our own Folly , In betraying our selves , than by any Skill Or Knowledge of their own . Wild. Indeed I shou'd ha' proceeded , as most of those Fellows do , Set out impudently at first , taken several things For granted ( as that you were no Maid , and so forth ) Ventur'd briskly at every thing , and something Might have hapned to please you . Wit. Did the Lady , just gone away from you , find it so ? Wild. She had what she came for : You wou'd take it ill , To lose your labour your self , Madam . Wit. She ventur'd at every thing , as briskly As you cou'd , I suppose , Sir ? Wild. 'T is a towardly Girl indeed , and comes on sinely ; I have no reason to complain of losing my labour Upon her : She 's ready for running away From her Relations already . Are not you a little that way inclin'd ? Come , come , If you have any troubles upon your ��� , Child � Wit. You can remove 'em into the �lesh , I warrant you . Wild. If you have ever a Husband , that lies heavy Upon your Conscience , I have a Cordial Will drive the Distemper from your heart . Wit. Why that 's kind indeed , to make some room for the Lover : But that is not my Distemper : I cou'd resolve it my self , If I had a Husband , whether I wou'd make him a Cuckold , or no : But I lie under a Difficulty of disposing of a Maiden head , Wild. There I must resolve you , that case I often handle . Wit. But hear if , I besee�h you , before you decide it . Wild. That wou'd do well in Westminster-hall , I grant you , But in Proceedings of this nature , we are always On the Plaintiffs side : Let the sober Party say what they can To the reason of the thing . You are certainly in the right , in pleasing your self . Wit. 'T will come to that , I believe : For you must know , Sir , That being under the Discretion , and Tyranny of an old Aunt � Wild. You will naturally run away from her . Wit. And being considerable enough , to be followed for my Fortune � Wild. You will certainly be betray'd , and Sold by her � Wit. To some Booby of her own Breed , who paying too dear For the Purchase , will undo himself , to undo me . Wild. Come , come , you are now under my Care , 'T is my Fault , if you miscarry � Wit. And mine too if I do . Wild. Let me be your Trustee � Wit. Indeed the Woman shou'd cheat the Man , as much as she can , Before Marriage , because , after it , He has a Title of cheating her , as long as he lives . Wild. If you can'� make over your Money , Make over your � Wit. Common conveyances both in our Sex , Sir. VVild. A Maiden-head's a Jewel of no value in Marriage � Wit. 'T is never set down indeed , In the particular of a Womans Estate . VVild. And therefore least mist by a Husband , Of any thing she brings along with her . Wit. If indeed , by the articles of Marriage , a Man should convenant For a Maiden-head , the Woman , In a legal honesty , ought to satisfie the Bargain , But the Men never mention that , For fear of inflaming the Joynture . Wild. And the Women never put 'em upon 't , Wit. Out of a Conscience in their dealings to be sure , for fear They shou'd not always be able to be as good as their words . Wild. I see , Madam , we differ �n�y in our Sexes ; And now , if you please , we will beg�� A right understanding between them two . Wit. How , Sir ! Wild. I 'll shew you how : have a care what you do , Madam , 'T is a very difficult matter , let me tell you , To refuse a man handsomly , Look you , Madam , I would have you make a decent resistance , A little of it enhaunces the favour , And keeps up the value of your Person , But too much on 't is an undervaluing of mine . Nay , nay , when it once comes to fighting , You often ruine what you wou'd raise . Strugling too long , is as much to your disadvantage , As not strugling at all ; and you know 't is the same thing To a Woman , a Mans being indifferent , As his being incapable to oblige her � Come , come , enough of this � Wit. So I say too , Sir , the jest will go no further , I see . VVild. Mrs. VVitwoud ! I did not expect [ Unmasks , he declines into a respect to her . To see you here , indeed , Madam . VVit. I came upon business , Mr. VVilding , but the temptation Of a Vizard Mask , and the pleasure of prating Upon such an occasion , has carried me a little beyond it , VVild. I am oblig'd to you , for a great deal of wit , Whatever else you design me by this visit . VVit. Which now you hardly thank me for ; Since 't is impossible for an old Acquaintance , To answer your expectations of a new face . VVild. To shew how I value your visit , and the regard I have for you , I will give some necessary Orders in the Family , To prevent your being seen in my Lodgings , And wait upon you agen . [ Exit . Wit. By this extraordinary care of my reputation , I find he has no design upon it himself : Not that I have any design upon Mr. VVilding ; But I am sorry to find , that every Man Has not a design upon me ; for since want is the rate of things , I know no real value of Reputation , But in regard of Common Women , who have none ; No extraordinary worth of a Maiden-head . But as 't is a temptation to the Man to take it away ; And the best commendation of Virtue is , That every Man has a design to put it to the tryal . It vexes me tho' to think he shou'd grow so tame , Upon the sight of me ; not that I believe , I had any thing in my face , that alter'd him ; Something did , that 's certain ; by which I find 'T is not enough for a Woman to be handsome , There must be a probability of making tha� handsome Woman kind , To make a Man in love with her , For no Man is in love without some encouragement To hope upon : Now from one of my Character , Who have impertinently prated away so much of my time , ( In setting up for a Wit , to the ruine of other Peoples pleasure , And loss of my own ) what encouragement , Or probability can there be , but that , as I have liv'd a fool , I ought to dye repenting , unpity'd , and a Maid : If I had dy'd a Maid , 't is but what I deserv'd , For laughing so many honest Gentlemen Off their charitable design of making me otherwise . Wilding enters to her . Wild. Now , Madam , you command me . Wit. It shall be to do your self a favour then , Mr. Wilding , To rid you of an incumbrance , which lies as heavy Upon your pleasures , as a Wife upon her Husband . Wild. O defend me from a Wife . Wit. And from a silly Mistriss , Sir , the greater burthen of the two : A Wife you may lay aside , but a foolish fond Mistriss , Will hang about you , like your Conscience , to put you in mind Of your Sins , before you are willing to repent of 'em : You know whom I mean , Mr. Wilding , you may trust me With the secret , because I know it already . Wild. That 's one very good Reason truly , Madam . Wit. My Cozen Fanny indeed is very well in her person � Wild. I 'm glad on 't . Wit. Very well to be lik'd I mean. Wild. I mean so too , Madam : Tho' I have known a Clap mistaken for a Maiden-head , before now . [ Aside . Wit. But she 's a Girl , and I can guess how very unfit A Girl must be , to give you any desire beyond undoing her : For I know your temper so well , ( Now you have satisfy'd the curiosity or vanity of your love ) You would not bear the punishment of her Company another day , To have the pleasure of it another night , Whatever you have said to perswade her to the contrary . Wild. Fy , Madam , think better of me . Witt.

Better , nor worse , than I do of all the young men in Town : For I believe you wou'd now resign her to any body else , with as much satisfaction , as you got her for your self : I know most of those matters end in the benefit of the Publick : and a little of your ill usage ( which you will take care to supply her withall ) may make her one of the common goods of the Town : But that 's a ruine I wou'd prevent if I cou'd : Therefore , to save you the labour of getting rid of her ( for that 's the only design you have now upon her , I 'm sure ) I came to spare your good Nature the trouble , by making you a very fair Offer .

Wild. Let 's see how reasonable you can be , in another body's Bargain . Witt.

Very reasonable you shall find me , if you will but give over your farther attempts upon her , ( which now you may easily be persuaded to I suppose ) and contribute , by your assistance , to my design of marrying her : I will engage my self and interest ( which you know is very considerable in my own Sex ) to serve you in any other Woman of my acquaintance .

Wild. Faith , Madam , you bid like a Chapman Witt.

Any Woman , of any Family or Condition , the best Friend I have I 'll befriend you in , and thank you into the bargain .

Wild. Stay , Let me consider , Which � Witt.

But take this advice along with you ; Raise the Scene of your affairs above the conquest of a Girl . Some of you Sparks think , if you can but compass a Maiden-head , though but your Taylor 's Daughter 's , you have setled a reputation for ever . Why , Sir , there are Maiden-heads among the Women of Quality , though not so many perhaps ; but there are favours of all kinds to be had among 'em ; As easily brought about , and at the same price of pains that you can purchase a Chamber-maids .

Wild. I 'm glad you tell me so . Witt.

Why there 's Mrs. New-love and her Cozen Tru-game , Mrs. Artist , Mrs. Dancer , Lady Smirket , Lady Woudmore ; and twenty more of your Acquaintance and mine , all very fine Women to the Eye �

Wild. And of Reputation to the World. Witt.

Why those very Women of Reputation to the World have every one of 'em , to my certain knowlege , an entrigue upon their hands , at this very time ; for I 'm intimate with all of ' em .

Wild. I see you are . Witt.

But , as fine as they seem to the Eye , Mr. Wilding , what with the false complexions of their Skins , their Hair and Eye-brows ; with other defects about e'm , which I must not discover of my friends , you know ; with their stinking breath in the morning , and other unsavory smells all the day after , they are most of them intolerable to any Man that has the use of his Nose .

Wild. That I cou'd not believe indeed , but that you tell me so . Witt.

Then there 's Mrs. Faceall , a very fair Woman indeed , and a great Fortune : as much in shape as you see her , I have been a God mother to two of her Children , and she passes for a very good Maid still .

Wild.

She past upon me I assure you ; for I was very near marrying her my self once .

Witt.

Chuse where you please , but I wou'd not advise you to any I have nam'd yet .

Wild. Is there any hopes of Mrs. Friend-all ? Witt.

Little , or none , yet a while , I believe : Mr. Love-more has at present engaged her : But there 's my Cozen Slightly ! Lord , that I shou'd forget her so long ! That I shou'd be so backward in serving a friend ! She is the fittest Woman in the World for you ; the most convenient for your purpose , in all the Town ; easie in her humour and fortune , and able to make her Lover so every way : She shall be the Woman .

Wild. Wou'd you wou'd make her so . Witt.

I can and will make her so . We shall walk in the Mall this Morning , if you think fit to be there , it may introduce the acquaintance .

Wild. I 'll but but dress , and be with you . Witt.

I don't doubt , but in a little time , to give you an opportunity , and the Lady an inclination of having it improved , but that must be your business ; I 'm a going about mine , to make her a Visit. Remember our bargain , Sir.

[ Exit . Wild. I warrant you : Let Whore-masters rejoice ; the times must mend , If every Woman has but such a friend . [ Exit .
ACT III. SCENE I. Ruffle's Lodgings . Ruffle and Servant . Ruff. A Gentleman to speak with me ! I am gon to Banstead-downs , to the Horse-match . Serv. There 's no Match there , Sir , this fortnight . Ruff.

Not this fortnight ! I had forgot my se�� : But you may say , I went out by five in the morning ; and you don't know when I come back . Go , tell him so .

Serv. I have told him already , you were within , Sir. Ruff.

Pox on him , what manner of man is he ? Does he look like a man of business ?

Serv. Not much like a man of business . Ruff.

No , I warrant you ; some Coxcombly Companion or other , that visits in a morning ; and makes other People idle , not to be idle himself . But can't you tell what he wou'd have with me ?

Serv. I 'll ask him , if you please . Ruff. He may be a Messenger for ought I know . Serv. I 'll bring an account of him . [ Exit . Ruff.

Wou'd he were a Messenger : I cou'd be contented to pay the fees , to be secur'd in the hands of the Government for a fortnight . Well , This guilt is certainly very terrible . The Blow I gave Friendall was a very ill thing done of me ; It lies heavier upon my Conscience this morning , than it did upon his Face last night .

[ Servant re-enters . Serv. His name is Captain Springam : You know his business , he says . Ruff. Yes , yes , I guess at it : I thought what it wou'd come to . Show him up to me . [ Exit Servant . I must do as well as I can . [ Strips into his Gown and Cap.

There comes no good of being too forward upon these occasions � 't will require some Time to dress agen : 't is Gaming-time at least .

Springam Enters . Spring . Good Morrow , Sir , I have a small Bill upon you here . Ruff. A Challenge I suppose . Spring . Payable at sight , as you will find it . Ruff. You take me unprovided , you see , Sir , to answer you at sight . Spring . I le stay till you dress , Sir , if that be all , to have you along with me . Ruff.

Ay , ay , Sir , I 'll go along with you ; never doubt it Sir ; you shan't stay long for me ; I may dress time enuff for some Body , if that be your business : I 'll do the Gentleman reason , I warrant him .

Spr. We ask no more , Sir. Ruff. You are his Friend I suppose ? Spring .

At your Friends Service : I serve upon these occasions sometimes , by way of second , or so , when I want employment of my own .

Ruff. Is fighting your Employment ? Spring . 'T is a Soldiers Employment . Ruff.

Why really , Sir , I beg your pardon , I 'm sorry I must disappoint you ; I never make use of a second ; especially in such a Quarrel , as this is ; where I am so much in the wrong already , that I am almost unwilling to engage in it any farther my self : Where is your Friend , pray ?

Spring . Below , in a Coach , Sir. Ruff.

O dear , Sir , don't let him wait upon me , bring him up , I beseech you � and d'ye hear Sir ? I 'm loath to justifie an ill thing , if he is resolved to be satisfied , why with all my heart , Sir , I 'll give him the Satisfaction of a Gentleman , I 'll beg his pardon ; pray tell him so .

[ Exit Springam . Ruff.

If fighting be his Employment , wou'd he were at it , any where else , and I fairly rid of him : I cou'd discover now that Lovemore set me on to affront him ; that wou'd throw the Quarrel upon Lovemore : But then Lovemore knows me , and I must expect to be scurvily us'd by him if I do : Hang baseness ; 't is but begging pardon at last .

Spring . A very Civil Gentleman , Brother , Springam Enters with Mr. Friendall . He is not the Man you took him for . Ruff. No , indeed , Sir , the Captain 's in the right ; I never justifie an ill thing . Mr. Fr. 'T is very well you don't , Sir. Ruff. I am more a Man of Honour , I assure you Sir. Mr. Fr. I shall be glad to find you so . Ruff.

Sir you shall find me so ; I scorn to do an ill thing , as much as any Man : I was last Night in the wrong , as every Man is sometimes ; and I 'm sorry for 't : what would you have more Sir ?

Mr. Fr. That is is not enough , Sir , I must have more . Ruff. Why , I beg your Pardon , Sir. Mr. Fr. What 's begging my Pardon , Sir , for such a Publick Asfront ? Spr. So , now he grows upon him . [ Aside . Mr. Fr.

That won't do my business , begging my pardon : My Reputation 's at Stake , and that must be satisfied , before you and I part Sir.

Ruff.

Lord , Sir , you are the strangest Man in the World ; You won't oblige me to justifie an ill thing , wou'd you ?

Mr. Fr. Damme , Sir , what do you mean ? Not to give me satisfaction ? Ruff.

I mean , Sir , to give you any satisfaction , in reason ; But I can't fight against my Conscience , if I were to be hang'd , Sir , not I.

Spring .

No , Brother , that 's a little too hard upon the Gentleman : You see his Conscience won't suffer him to fight with you .

Mr. Fr. Dam him and his Conscience ; he made no Conscience of affronting me . Spring . But his Conscience has flown in his Face since , it seems . Mr. Fr. And now he finds it only in his fears . Spring . Come , come , you may be satisfied without fighting . Mr. Fr. If you think so Brother � Lovemore enters . Joins with Friendall . Love. Pox on 't , they 'r here before me . Ruff.

Captain , I 'll beg your Friends pard�n , in any publick Place , at the Musick Meeting , if he pleases �

Spr. That 's staying too long for 't . Ruff.

Or in full Mall , before the Beau's , or the Officers of the Guard ; or at Will 's Coffee-House before the Witts , or in the Play-House , in the Pitt , before the Vizard Masks , and Orange-Wenches ; or behind the Scenes , he fore the Women-Actors ; or any where else , but upon the Stage ; and you know , one wou'd not willingly be a Jest to the upper Galleries .

Mr. Fr. You hear what he says , Mr. Lovemore . Love. I 'll do you Justice . Sir. Ruff.

If none of these offers will serve his Turn , Sir , if your Friend will be satisfied with nothing but Extremities ; let him look to himself , let what will be the Consequence ; I must do as well as I can with him .

Seeing Lovemore he takes heart again . Love. So , he has seen me , I find . [ Aside . Spring . What the Devil he won't fight at last sure . [ Aside . Ruff

Sir , your most humble Servant You guess these Gentlemens business I suppose : I have offer'd 'em any satisfaction , in reason : But taking me , as you see , Sir , at a Disadvantage , two to one , nothing wou'd content 'em , without exposing my self , as a Rascal , to all the Town , Sir ; now Sir , you are more a Gentleman I know , and they shall be damn'd , before I give 'em any other satisfaction , now I have a Man of Honour to stand by me .

Love. Gentlemen I came to reconcile you , if I can : what say you ? Spring . He offer'd just now to beg my Brother's Pardon in the Play-house . Ruff. Make your best on 't ; I did so . Mr. Fr. Then let it be to Night in the Side-box , before the Ladies . � Ruff. With all my heart , Sir. Mr. Fr.

For they are the Part of the Town , that a Man of Pleasure should secure a Reputation withal . Your Servant Sir. Lovemore , your humble Servant .

Friendall and Springam go out . Love. And hast thou begg'd his Pardon ? Ruff.

And glad to come off so : I was never so put to 't , to bring my self off a Quarrel before , it had been impossible , if the Captain had not done a good Office between us , but I bore up as soon as I saw you .

Love.

But then 't was too late . You had sneakingly begg'd his Pardon be-before : if you had sent to me at first , I wou'd have brought you off cleverly : Suppose he had carry'd you behind Southampton house , which he never intended , 't was but falling down , or dopping your Sword , when you came there , to have sav'd all : but now you have ruin'd your own Reputation , and my Design upon him for ever .

Ruff.

What cou'd I do ? he not only sent me a Challenge , but came himself to carry me along with him .

Love.

How ? send you a Challenge , and come with it himself ! That 's something odd ; pray , let 's see the Challenge .

Ruff.

There 't is ; make your best on 't ; the Paper will make admirable Crackers for a Lord. Major's Show , every word in 't is as hot as Gun-powder , I 'm glad I 'm rid on 't .

[ Exit . Love.

If this be Friendall's Stile , 't is mightily mended of late : I have a Note of his about me , upon Child , for money , won at play : I 'll compare ' em . � 'T is not his hand neither � Nay then there 's more in 't � This may be a Stratagem of his Wifes � I 've seen her hand , and think this very near it : It must be so : But then Friendall's coming for Satisfaction , is an Argument he might send this Challenge : But coming at the same time , with it himself , is an Argument against him , that he knew nothing of the matter . For tho' he delivers his Love-Letters , he wou'd hardly deliver his Challenges himself : And for his coming here , Springam might put him upon 't , from a reasonable Probability , that this Fellow was a Rascal . I don't know what to fix upon : This Challenge will be of use to me , with the Lady : I 'll take it for granted , that she writ it , and proceed upon it accordingly .

[ Exit . [ Scene changes to St. James's Park . ] [ Mr. Friendall , Springam , with Mrs. Friendall , and Mrs. Teazall . Spring .

Brother , if you have no farther Service for me , I must think of employing my self , my Walk lies another way .

[ Exit . Mrs. Fr.

I 'm glad you 'r rid of this Business so handsomely , Mr. Friendall , and that Mr. Lovemore was by , at his begging your pardon .

Mr. Fr.

When I undertake things of this kind , I always go thro' with ' em .

Mrs. Fr.

This is very well over , and I hope , you will take care to keep out of 'em for the future .

Mr. Fr.

Every man has the misfortune of 'em sometimes , Madam .

Mrs. Fr.

But 't is a prudent Man's part , to keep out of the occasion of 'em : And , in order to 't , Mr. Friendall , I cou'd wish , you wou'd not make your House , as you daily do , one of the publick Places of the Town .

Teaz .

She 's in the right on 't indeed , Mr. Friendall , you are very happy in the Discretion of a good Lady , if you know when you 'r well ; there are very few Women wou'd quarrel with your good Nature , in this Point , Sir ; But she has too great a regard to her own , and your Reputation , you see , not to apprehend the Malice of ill Tongues , upon the Liberties you allow in your Family , the graver part of your Friends take notice of it already , and let me tell you , Sir , are extremely concern'd .

Mr. Fr.

That they are past the pleasures of good Company themselves : Why really , Madam , I believe it : But they may say what they will , I shall do what I please : I live to my self , and not to the whimsical Humour of the graver part of my friends , and so you may tell 'em , good Madam , from your humble Servant .

[ going . Mrs. Fr. You won't leave us , Mr. Friendall ? Mr. Fr.

I 'le go home with you , like a good Husband , Madam ; but no man of fashion , you know , walks with his Wife ; besides , there 's a Noble Lord I must walk with .

[ Exit . Mrs. Fr. Any thing to be rid of my Company . Teaz .

Why , how have the men , at this rate , the impudence to think the Women shou'd not Cuckold ' em ! if I had such a Husband , as old as I am , a' my Conscience , I believe , I shou'd use him as he deserved : But that 's some comfort , use him as you please , no Body will think you wrong him ; and let me tell you , 't is a great thing to have the Town on ones side .

Mrs. Fr. I 'le keep 'em so , if I can . Teaz .

Nay , Faith and Troth , you have given him fair warning ; if he won't take it , he must answer himself for all the miscarriages you can be guilty of , in your Conduct hereafter .

Mrs. Fr. There 's something more in that Mrs. Teazall . [ Exeunt . Lovemore , Wellvile following ' em . Well .

There 's your Mrs. Friendall before us : I honour her Character as much as I despise her Husbands .

Love.

Tho' he has scap'd the publick discovery , if he knows him to be a Coward , it does my business still as well .

Well .

If I did not think him one , I wou'd put him to a tryal , he shou'd not so easily get clear off ; for putting a Note into Mrs. Slightly's hand at the Musick-meeting .

Love. How ! Well . But I owe him a good turn for it . Love.

It comes into my head , and you shall pay him the good turn : What if you put Mrs. Sightly upon telling his Wife of it ?

Well . Ha! Love. You ought to do it . VVell .

I think so too my self ; and you may be satisfied I 'le do 't ; more out of a regard to the Women I value so much , than any design of promoting your Cuckolding the Fool.

Love.

Good grave Sir , the Plot is never the worse , I hope , for carrying your Friends interest along with the Ladys .

Well .

Make your best use on 't , Lovemore ; I 'm contented you shou'd thrive together .

[ Exeunt . Mrs. Sightly and Witwoud after ' em . Witt.

You are mightily injur'd indeed , Madam , to be persuaded to come abroad , so much to your disadvantage , such a delicate Morning , as this is , so much against your inclinations : But you 'l know your int'rest better , in a little time , and me for your friend , I suppose , when you find the benefit of it .

Sight .

Nay , Cozen , the Injury may be forgiven , for the pleasure of the walk , at this time of the Year .

Witt.

Why , the very walk is to be lik'd , tho' there were no Body in it to like us : But there 's a great deal of good Company in the Mall , and , I warrant you , we 'll have our share of the Commendation of the place , in spight of fresher Faces : You are sure of your part of it already .

Sight . How so , good Mrs. Wittwoud ? Witt. Why , good Mrs. Sightly , there 's Mr. Wellvile before you . Sight . My Platonick Lover as you call him . Witt. And as you find him . Sight . I think him very much my Friend . Witt.

Very much your Friend ! I grant you indeed , every Woman , that is not wholly insensible , ( and one wou'd not be thought insensible you know , ) every Woman ought to have a Platonick Passion for one Man or other : But a Platonick Lover in a Man ! is �

Sight . What pray ? Witt.

Why , he is a very unmannerly Fellow ; he is not what he shou'd be ; that 's certain : As for the matter of Respect , which we keep such a clutter about , and seem to value so much in the Men , all that I know of it , is , that if any Man pretended to follow and like me , I shou'd never believe what he said ; if he did not do something to convince me , I shoud think he affronted me extreamly ; if upon the first handsome occasion , he did not offer me every thing in his power .

Sight . How Cozen ! VVitt.

I hate a Blockhead , that will never give a Woman a reputable occasion of refusing him : 'T is one of the best Complements a Lover can make his Mistresses pride and I never knew any man , that did his business without it .

Sight . Why Wittwoud , thou art Mad sure . Witt.

And for your Mr. Wellvile , if I were in your place , I shou'd have something the better opinion of him , if he wou'd have a little worse opinion of me : But between you and me , I shou'd not like him for a Lover .

Sight . He does not pretend to be one . Witt.

Who 's here ? Wilding and Courtall behind us ? That Wilding , Cozen , is a very pretty Gentleman .

Sight . And Courtall too , very well . Witt. I must bring you acquainted with Wilding . Sight . No more acquaintance , good Wittwoud . Witt.

For his Discretion , and Conduct , his good Behaviour , and all that , Wellvile is his acquaintance , and will answer for : But his agreeable , easie Wit , and good Humor , you may take upon my word : You 'l thank me , when you know him .

[ Exeunt . Wilding and Courtall Enter . Wild.

She 's a Woman of her word : You see she has brought Mrs. Sightly along with her .

Court.

I never doubted it : She 'l carry her to Supper in a Night or two : She 's never the worse Bawd , I hope , for being a Gentlewoman .

Wild.

A good Family indeed gives a countenance to the profession ; and a Reputation is necessary to carry on the Credit of a Trade .

Court. Here 's Wellvile just behind us . Wild. Prithee stay with him : I 'le tell you how I thrive . [ Exit . Wellvile Enters . Well . Good Morrow Mr. Courtall . Court. O Sir , yours . Well . Was not that Wilding left you ? Court. He 's in his Employment , Sir , very busie . Well .

In pursuit of the Women I know : It hardly answers the Expence I doubt .

Court.

You have no reason to say so : There 's a Lady before us , of your acquaintance , Mrs. Sightly by Name , of another opinion : I suppose , she thinks such an assurance , as his , in coming to the point , is more to the nature of the thing , than all your Ceremony and Respect .

Well . Mrs. Sightly ! Court.

She , Sir , the very same : I cou'd tell you a Secret , Wellvile ; but you are one of those Fellows , that hate another Man shou'd lie with a Woman , tho' you never attempt her your self : I confess I am something of your mind : I think the enjoyment the dull part of an Intrigue , and therefore I give it over , when I see the Lady in earnest .

Well . But the Secret Courtall . Court.

Why Faith , Wellvile , if you have temper to manage it , the Secret may be of use to you : Wilding , you know , never Debauches a Woman , only for himself ; where he visits , in a little time , every Man may be received in his turn . You must know , 't was Wittwoud put him upon Mrs. Sightly , she knew what she did I suppose , and has promised him a good Office , in her way : make your advantage of what I tell you ; but not a Syllable to any one .

Springam Enters . Spring .

O Courtall ! here are a Couple of Vizard-masks have set upon me in the next Walk , and I wanted thee to take one of 'em off my hands .

Court. I 'le stand by you , my Noble Captain . [ Exeunt . VVell .

( solus ) I 'll think no more on 't , 't is impossible : what 's impossible ? nothing's impossible to a Woman : we judge but on the outside of that Sex ; and know not what they can , nor what they doe , more than they please to shew us . I have known Mrs. Sightly these seven years � known her ! I mean , I have seen her , observed her , followed her : may be there 's no knowing a Woman : but in all that time , I never found a freedom , that allowed me any encouragement beyond a friend � May be I have been wanting to my self � . But then she would not throw her self away upon a common Lover ; that 's not probable : If she had been affectedly reserv'd , I wou'd suspect , the Devil in her heart had stampt the sign of Vertue in her looks , that she might cheat the world , and sin more close . But she is open in her carriage , easie , clear of those arts that have made Lust a Trade � Perhaps that openness may be design � 'T is easie to raise doubts � And still she may be � I won't think she can � till I know more : But Wittwoud is , I know her , every thing that 's mischievous ; abandon'd and undone ; undone her self , she wou'd undo the Sex : she is to bawd for VVilding : I know her bad enough for any trade . But Bawds have some good Nature , and procure pleasure for pay : VVittwoud has baser ends , A general ruine upon all her friends .

Several pass over the Stage , Mr. Friendall slighted by 'em , one after another . 1. Lord ,

I have a little business at present ; But I shall see you at the Play.

[ Ex. Mr. Fr. In the King's Box , my Lord. � My Dear Lord , I 'm your humble Servant [ to another . 2. Lord ,

Another time , Good Mr. Friendall ; You see I 'm engag'd .

[ Exit . Mr. Fr.

A Pox o' their Engagements : A Man can't make one among 'em O my most noble Lord.

3. Lord ,

I know you will upbraid me , Mr. Friendall ; But I 'll recover your opinion , and come and dine with you . Let 's have Jack Dreyden and VVill. VVicherly , as you call 'em : Some of these days , we 'll be very witty together : But now I am your Servant .

[ Exit . Mr. Fr.

This is a very unfortunate Morning with me : I have not walkt one turn with a Lord , since I came in : I see I must take up with the men of wit to day � O Mr. VVellvile !

VVell . Don't let me keep you from better Company . Mr. Fr.

Faith , Sir , I prefer a Man of Wit , to a Man of Quality at any time .

VVell .

If she thinks VVittwoud her friend , after this , 't is a sign she 's pleas'd with with it , and there 's an end on 't .

Mr. Fr.

Why , VVellvile , thou art cogitabund , as a man may say ; thy head is running upon thy Poetry .

VVell . I beg your pardon . Sir , I did not mind you indeed . Your Servant , Mr. VVilding � � � [ Wilding enters to ' em . Mr. Fr.

VVilding , Yours . But VVellvile , Prithee , what is 't to be ? A Song ? a Tribue to the whole Sex ? or , a particular Sacrifice ? or , is 't a Libel upon the Court , ha ? ( we 'll keep your council ; ) or , a Lampoon upon the Town ? What , I am a great Honourer , and humble Servant of the Muses my self �

Well . A very Favourite of 'em , I hear Sir. Mr. Fr. I sometimes scribble indeed , for my diversion � Wild. And the diversion of the Ladys , Mr. Friend-all � Well . And the diversion of all the Town , Mr. Friend-all . Mr. Fr.

Why , Faith Gentlemen , Poetry is a very pretty Amusement , and , in the way of Intrigue , or so , among the better rank of people , I have known a Paper of Verses go farther with a Lady in the purchase of a Favour , than a Present of fifty pounds wou'd have done .

Wild.

O , Sir , 't is the only way of purchasing a Woman that is not to be bought .

Mr. Fr. But , Wellvile , prithee communicate , Man. Well . Why , if you will have it , I have a design upon a Play. Mr. Fr.

Gad so , let me write a Scene in it : I have a thousand times had it in my head , but never cou'd bring it about to write a Play yet .

Wild. No ; no ; You had it not in your head , Sir. Mr. Fr.

I vow to Gad , but I have then , twenty times , I 'm confident ; but one thing or other always kickt it out again : But I promise you , I 'll write a Scene for you .

Wild. Before you know the Subject ? Mr. Fr.

Prithee , what is 't ? But be what it will ; Here 's my hand upon 't ; I 'll write it for you .

Well .

You must know then , Sir , I am scandaliz'd extremely to see the Women upon the Stage make Cuckolds at that insatiable rate they do in all our modern Comedies : without any other reason from the Poets , but , because a man is married he must be a Cuckold : Now , Sir , I think , the Women are most unconscionably injur'd by this general Scandal upon their Sex ; therefore to do 'em what service I can in their vindication , I design to write a Play , and call it �

Mr. Fr.

Ay , what , I beseech you , I love to know the Name of a new Play.

Well . The Wives Excuse , or , Cuckolds make themselves . Mr. Fr.

A very pretty Name faith and troth ; and very like to be popular among the Women .

VVild. And true among the Men. Mr. Fr. But what Characters have you ? VVell .

What Characters ? Why I design to shew a fine young Woman marry'd to an impertinent , nonsensical , silly , entrigueing , cowardly , good for-nothing Coxcomb .

VVild. This Blockhead does not know his own Picture . ( Aside . ) Mr Fr. Well , and how ? She must make him a Cuckold I suppose . VVell . 'T was that I was thinking on when you came to me . Mr. Fr. O , Yes , You must make him a Cuckold . VVild. By all means a Cuckold . Mr. Fr.

For such a Character , Gentlemen , will vindicate a Wise in any thing she can doe to him . He must be a Cuckold .

VVell .

I am satisfied he ought to be a Cuckold ; and indeed , if the Lady wou'd take my advice , she shou'd make him a Cuckold .

Mr. Fr. She 'll hear reason I warrant her . VVell .

I have not yet determin'd how to dispose of her . But in regard to the Ladies , I believe I shall make her honest at last .

Mr. Fr.

I think the Ladies ought to take it very ill of you , if you do : But if she proves honest to the last , that 's certain , 't is more than the fellow deserves . A very pretty Character this , faith and troth .

[ To Wilding . Wild. And very well known in this Town . Mr. Fr.

Gad , I believe , I can help you to a great many hints , that may be very serviceable to you .

Well .

I design to make use of you : We , who write Plays , must sometimes be beholden to our friends . But more of this at leisure .

Mr. Fr. VVill you walk , Gentlemen , the Ladies are before us . VVell . I have a little business with VVilding . VVe 'll follow you . [ Exit Friendall VVild. Business with me , VVellvile ? VVell . About a fair Lady , I 'll tell you as we walk . [ Exeunt . Enter Lovemore with Mrs. Friendall , Mrs. Sightly , Mrs. VVittwoud , and Mrs. Teazall . Teaz .

Nay , indeed , Mr. Lovemore , as matters are manag'd between the men and women of the Town , 't is no less a blessing for a Lady to have a Husband that will but so much as offer to fight for her and her honour , than 't is for a Husband to have a Lady , that has any honour to defend : There 's such a depravity in Matrimony , o' both sides , now-a-days .

Sight .

VVhy , good Madam , is it such a business , for a Man to offer to fight for his VVife ?

VVitt.

All that I know is , the Man that wou'd not fight for me , shou'd do nothing else for me .

Teaz . You 'll have your witt , let who 's will blush for 't . Love.

As you say , Madam , ( to Mrs. Teazall ) A Man of honour is a great blessing in a Husband ; such as Mr. Friendall has shown himself to be . And here 's a Lady will value the blessing as it deserves .

Mrs. Fr. I must indeed , despise him in my thoughts . ( Aside . ) VVitt.

Fulsome and foolish ! let 's hear no more on 't : They don't think this can blind us :

[ walking off with Sightly . ] Love.

If you were not inclin'd to it before , Madam , this last behaviour of his wou'd engage you to value such a blessing as you ought .

Mrs. Fr. My duty wou'd engage me � VVhat does he mean by this ? VVitt. Cozen Teazall , your opinion pray . Love.

I have something to tell you , Madam , if you wou'd but allow me ; this is no place .

Mrs. Fr.

You 'll find a time I warrant you . Ladies the Mall begins to thin .

[ Goes to ' em . [ VVelvile and VVilding coming forward . VVild.

VVell , Sir , since you declare your self in love with the Lady , and I am not , I promise you , and you may trust me , I 'll never follow her more .

VVell . I do trust , and thank you for the promise . Ladies your Servant . [ He addresses to Sightly . VVitt. O! he 's come at last . [ VVilding to VVittwoud .

There 's nothing to be done here ; You 've outstay'd your time ; But we 'll call at the Chocalate-house in St. Alban-street , as we go home ; You may meet us there by accident , you know .

Wild.

If I were to be hang'd now , I must meet 'em there ; though I have given my word to the contrary .

Teaz . Is that the filthy fellow ? Witt. That 's Wilding , Madam . Teaz .

I see there 's no knowing a Whore master by his Face ; He looks like a modest , civil Gentleman .

Well .

Your friend , Mrs. Wittwoud , Madam , may be of ( to Sightly ) that good natur'd opinion that Lovemore is familiar with the Husband , only to be more familar with the Wife . But you must be cautious of what you say ; for fear we turn the Scandal upon you .

Sight . Upon me , Mrs. Wellvile ? Well .

Pardon me , Madam , I have the freedom of a friend : But Mr. Friendall declares he is in love with you ; And after that , the good natur'd Town ( whatever they believe ) will go near to say , that your familiarity with his Wife may be in order to the Husband .

Sight . Contemptible ! Sure no-body wou'd think so . Well . 'T is an ill natur'd Age to handsome women , Madam . Sight . Must I suffer , because he 's a Fool ? Well . You may suffer , because he 's a Fool. Sight .

This is not only to be accountable for our own conduct , but to answer for all the indiscretion of the Mens .

Well . You must , Madam , for those Mens you allow to be so near you . Sight .

It wou'd be but an ungratefull piece of News to Mrs. Friendall , if I should be serious enough to tell her of it .

Well .

' Twou'd be more ungratefull to her , if any body else did ; and wou'd go near to make you serious , if another should tell her for you .

Sight . But who can tell ? It may be the cause of a breach between ' em . Well .

Nay , Madam , if it be considerable enough to make a breach in Marriage ; You may be sure 't will make a breach in Friendship : And how much that will be to the advantage of your reputation upon such an occasion �

Sight .

I am convinc'd you are my friend , Mr. Wellvile , And thank you for this care of me .

They mingle with Lovemore , Mrs. Friendall , & the rest . Witt.

This is the Aunt wou'd ha' been upon your bones , I assure you , if I had not deliver'd you .

Wild. How shall I do to appease her ? Witt.

There 's but one way now to please her . You must know she has been in her time ; like other women , in at most of the pleasures of this Town ; But being too passionate a Lover of the Sport , she has been , � � , a Bubble at all Games : And having now nothing to lose but her money , she declares for Lanterelow , and is contented to be only cheated at Cards .

Mr. Friendall with Springam and Courtall . Mr. Fr.

Why , what do you think , Ladies ? these Gentlemen here , in spight of the temptation of so , much good Company , refuse to dine with me .

Spring . O Madam ! Are you there ? [ To Wittwoud . Court. Your Brother has seduced me , Madam . [ To Mrs. Friendall . Spring .

We 'll visit you at Night , Ladies , in Masquerade ; when the privilege of a Vizard will allow us a Conversation , out of your forms , and more to our humour a great deal , Ladies .

[ Exeunt Springam and Courtall . Mr. Fr. Lovemore , Wellvile , Wilding , � You 'll follow us ? Love. We won't fail you , Sir. [ Mr. Friendall goes out with the Ladies . Witt. St. Albans street � � Wild. We 'll tell you more of this . Well . Wilding , you 'll take another turn with us ? Wild. Faith no , I 'm tir'd : we shall meet at Friendall's all . [ Exit . Well . At Friendall's be it then ; Where the kind Husband wellcomes every Guest . Love. He but invites , his Wife must make the Feast . [ Exeunt .
ACT IV. SCENE I. Mr. Friendall's House . All the Company enters after Dinner . Love.

MR. Friendall , You have the best VVines , and the greatest choice of any man in Town .

Mr. Fr.

There 's an elegance in Eating and Drinking , Gentlemen , as well as in VVriting .

Well . Or your style wou'd never go down . ( Aside . ) Mr. Fr.

How did you like the Lucina I gave you , the Galicia , the Mountain-Alicant ? You taste the Sun in them perfectly , Gentlemen .

Wild. O , plainly , Sir ! Mr. Fr.

Then the Aracina , the Ranchio , and the Peralta , the Carcavelis , the Lacrymae , the Schiveas , the Zephalonia , the Montalchyno , with all the Muschatellos , and to conclude , my single Bottle of Tockay .

Love. Admirable all , Sir. Mr. Fr.

A Friend of mine , that brought the Tockay from Buda , assures me , the stones of all those Grapes are Gold.

Well . That makes the VVine so scarce . Mr. Fr.

Nay , not unlikely : But of all the VVines of all the Climates under the Sun �

Wild. Give me the Greek . Mr. Fr. O , I abominate � Well . The Language , but not the Wines ; you may relish them without it . Mr. Fr.

Ay , that may be : But of all the Wines , Pagan , or Christian , in the World , I think the Borachio the Noblest .

Well .

'T is of the roughest kind indeed of Beasts , wou'd he were in the Skin of one of ' em .

Wild. But your Vine de Congress , Mr. Friendall � Mr. Fr.

True ; but 't is a Dutch Wine , and grows in the Province of Zealand , I have drank it upon the place .

Wild.

But , Mr. Friendall , pray in all your variety and interest among your Friends in the City , have you not sometimes met with such a Wine , as the Vine de Short-Neck ?

Mr. Fr.

Vine de Short-Neck ? Yes , I have drank of it at Thompson's , and was the first that took notice of it ; but 't is a Prohibited French Wine , and I have too great an Acquaintance with the Members of Parliament , not to Drink according to Law.

Wild. Yours is very good Snuff , Mr. Friendall . Mr. Fr. Yes , truly , I think 't is pretty good Powder . Wild. Pray your Opinion of mine , you are a Critick . Mr. Fr.

This is Havanna indeed ; but then 't is wash'd : Give me your dry Powders , they never lose their Scent : Besides , yours is made of the Leaves of the Tobacco �

Well . Why , what the Devil 's yours ? Mr. Fr.

Mine , Sir , is right Palillio , made of the Fibres , the Spirituous part of the Plant ; there 's not a pinch of it out of my Box in England ; 't was made I a��ure you to the Pallat of His Most Catholick Majesty , and sent me by a great Don of Spain , that 's in his Prince's particular Pleasures .

[ Goes to the Women . Well . And his , it seems , lie in his Nose . Mr. Fr.

Ladies what say you to the Fresko of the Garden ? we 'll Drink our Tea upon the Mount , and be the Envy of the Neighbourhood .

Wittw . O delicately thought upon ! Mr. Fr. Madam , which Tea shall we have ? Mrs. Fr. Which the Company pleases , Mr. Friendall . Mr. Fr.

The plain Canton , the Nanquin , the Bohe , the Latheroon , the Sunloe , or which ? Ha!

Well . Have you any of the Non Amo Te ? Mr. Fr.

Faith , No , Sir , there came but little of it over this Year ; but I am promis'd a whole Canister by a Friend of a considerable interest in the Committee .

Love. Then the Bohe , Sir , the Bohe will do our business . Mr. Fr.

My Bohe , at the best hand too , Cost me Ten Pound a Pound , but I have a Tea , with a damn'd Heathenish hard Name , that I think I was very much befriended in , at an Indian House in the City , if you please , we 'll have some of that .

Mrs. Fr.

'T is in my Cabinet , Mr. Friendall , I must order it my self for you .

[ Goes out . Mr. Fr.

That Madam must make the Complement the greater to the Company : Allons , you know the way , I wait upon you .

[ �ll go out but Lovemore Love.

This way she must come , she can't avoid me , thanks to the honest Husband .

[ Mrs. Friendall returns . Mrs. Fr.

Are you one of the Gentlemen that love the Tea with a hard Name ?

Love.

Faith , Madam , I must love any thing that gives me an Opportunity �

Mrs. Fr. With any Woman that has a mind to improve it . Love. Of Adoring you . Mrs. Fr. Me , Mr. Lovemore ! I was going before , but now you drive me . Love.

Stay , this Violence , if you can call it Violence on my Knees , excuses you to all your Female Forms ; nay , to your self , severer than your Forms , if you should stay and hear me .

Mrs. Fr. Well , what 's the matter ? Love.

Every thing is matter of your Praise , the subject of fresh wonder : your Beauty made to tire the Painter's Art , your Wit to strike the Poet's Envy dumb .

Mrs. Fr. Are you turn'd Poet too ? Love. Indeed you can inspire me � Mrs. Fr.

With the Spirit of Scandal I may , a small matter Conjures up a Lampoon against the Women � But to the purpose , Sir , you pretend business with me , and have insinuated a great deal of pains all this Day to get an occasion of speaking to me in private ; which now , by Mr. Friendall's assistance , you think you have ingeniously secur'd : Why , Sir , after all , I know no business between us that is to be carried on , by my being alone with you .

Love. I 'm sorry for that indeed , Madam . Mrs. Fr. Suppose , Mr. Lovemore , a Man shou'd hit you a Box on the Ear. Love. Only suppose it , good Madam . Mrs. Fr.

Why , Sir , any man that 's Brute enough may do it , tho' that Brute shou'd beg your Pardon never so publickly for the wrong , you wou'd never heartily forgive him , for pitching upon you .

Love. Not heartily I believe indeed . Mrs. Fr.

Why , very well : You keep me here against my Will , against all Rules of Decency , to me , my Sex , and Character ; the worst of Wrongs ; yet you will think it hard to be Condemn'd , or Hated for your Light Opinion of me , that first encourag'd you to this design .

Love. Hated for Loving you ! Mrs. Fr.

Ay , there 's the business : Who wou'd not stay to see her Worshipper upon his Knees , thus Prais'd , and thus Ador'd ? Her Beauty made to tire the Painter's Art , her Wit to strike the Poet's Envy dumb ; and all deliver'd in such a dying tone , no Lady can out-live it . Mr. Lovemore , you might have known me better , than to imagine your fly Flattery , and softly Sing me into a Consent to any thing my Virtue had abhorr'd . But how have I behav'd my self ? What have I done to deserve this ? What encouragement have I giv'n you ?

Love. A Lover makes his Hopes . Mrs. Fr.

Perhaps 't is from the general encouragement of being a Marry'd Woman , supported on your side by that Honourable Opinion of our Sex , that , because some Women Abuse their Husbands , every Woman may . I grant you indeed , the Custom of England has been very prevailing in that point ; and I must own to you , an ill Husband is a great provocation to a Wife , when she has a mind to believe as ill of him as she can

Love. How if the Wife believe too well of him ? Mrs. Fr.

Why then the Folly 's hers : For my part , I have known Mr. Friendall too long , not to know justly what he deserves ; I won't justifie his Faults , but because he does not take that care of me he shou'd , must not I have that regard to my self I ought ? What I do is for my own sake : Nay what is past , which , by your hints , I know you do suspect , I own I did it ; not for the Commendation of your VVit , nor as a Debt to him , but to my self , foreseeing a long Life of Infamy , which in his Follies I was Marry'd to ; and therefore sav'd my self by saving him .

Love.

Your Conduct every where is excellent , but there it was a Master-piece indeed , and worthy Admiration .

Mrs. Fr.

And wou'd you have me lose that Character , so worthy Admiration , which , ev'n you , an Enemy , must praise , when you wou'd ruin ? No , what I 've done to raise this Character , may be an Argument I will do more to heighten it , to the last Act of Life .

Love.

And all for the reward of being thought too good a VVife to such a Husband .

Mrs. Fr. How ! you know him then ? Love. You and I know him . Mrs. Fr.

Fit to bear a wrong ? Is that the reason of your wronging him ? I want but that ; O let me but believe you injure him , because you know you may ; and attempt me , because you think it safe ; and I will scorn you low , as you do him : You say you know him : Now , Sir , I know you , you , and your Practices , against us both : You have encourag'd all that has been done , exposing him , only to ruin me . 'T is necessary to believe as ill of you as I can : And for the future , till you clear your self �

Love. I can clear my self . Mrs. Fr.

I le think you capable of every thing ; of any baseness to advance your ends ; so leave you to your Triumph .

[ going . Love.

Madam stay , I must be Justified : This Challenge here has taught me all I know ; made me suspect who writ it , and presume all I have said to you .

Mr. Fr. VVhere had you it ? Love.

Russle gave it me . I hope you may forgive my knowing it , since by resigning it into your hands , I give you up the only evidence , that can rise up against him : Such a piece of News , Madam , wou'd have been welcome enough to the ill nature of the Town ; and I might have had my ends in such a report , had I encourag'd the exposing him : But when I saw how near you were concern'd , I had no other pleasure , but the thought of serving you ; if I have served you , I am over-paid , if not , I must serve on . For I but live to serve you .

Mrs. Fr.

My employment calls upon me ; Are not you for Tea ?

Two Footmen with a Service of Tea enter , and go out with Mrs. Friendall . Love.

I find I am restor'd , but I was reduc'd to the necessity of a lye to come into favour again ; but that 's a Necessity that every man of honour must submit to , sometimes , that has any thing to manage with the women : For a Lover , that never speaks more than the truth , is never believed to be a Lover : and he that won't lye to his Mistress , will hardly lye with her : So let his Honesty reward him ; the Lady won't , I dare say for her . There must be a cheat upon the sense sometimes , to make a perfect pleasure to the soul : For if the women did but always know what really we are ; we shou'd not so often know so much of them as we doe : But 't is their own faults ; they know we can't live without 'em , and therefore ask more of us than we have honestly to give for the purchase . So , very often , they put us upon dissimulation , slattery and false love , to come up to their price . Mrs. Friendall went away a little abruptly : I 'm glad she did : for that methinks confesses an obligation which she has not yet in her power to return .

[ VVellvile enters to him . Well .

Lovemore , your Plot begins to thrive : I left Mrs. Sightly telling Mrs. Friendall every thing between her and Mr. Friendall : I thought fit to acquaint you with it , that you might be prepared : You know best what use to turn it to : my business is with Mrs. Sightly .

Lov.

I thank you for the News : they 'r coming this way , I wou'd not have 'em see us : I must hover here .

[ Exeunt Lov. and Wellv . Enter Mrs. Friendall and Mrs. Sightly . Mrs. Fr. I cou'd not have believ'd it . Sight .

I am sorry you have reason to believe it upon my account : indeed , I was unwilling to believe it ; I suffered it as long as I cou'd ; but finding no end of this persecution �

Mrs. Fr.

You have us'd me like a friend , and I thank you � his Note since Dinner , desires you wou'd meet him at 7 , at Rosamond's pond : You can't be so hard hearted to disappoint him ?

Sight . If you have a mind to have a plainner proof of his treachery � Mrs. Fr.

The proof is plain enough : You say it : Besides , he has giv'n it under his hand here ; And I believe the Gentleman , though you won't .

Sight .

Or if you wou'd , let him know you have discover'd him , and upbraid him with his baseness before me �

Mrs. Fr.

That wou'd but harden him , or make him vain , By shewing a concern for him .

Sight .

If you have any curiosity to be satisfied , I 'll go with you to the place appointed .

Mrs. Fr. I wou'd not have him know either of us . Sight . Then we must have a man to secure us . Mrs. Fr. We may trust your friend Mr. Wellvile . Sight .

Mr. Friendall , you must know , thinks him in love with me ; So being a Rival , may make him avoid us : But Mr. Lovemore will do as well .

Mrs. Fr. I wou'd not have him know it . Sight .

He knows it already ; I made no secret of it , and Mr. Wellvile told it him .

Mrs. Fr. Then he , or any one � [ Lovemore enters to ' em . Sight . O! here he comes : Mr. Lovemore , we must employ you this afternoon . Love. To serve my self , in waiting upon you . The rest of the Company enter to ' em . Teaz .

Well , here 's such a Clutter to get you to Cards : You have drank your Tea : what will you do next , I trow ?

Witt.

Why take a Napp , or smoak a Pipe , any body that has a mind to be private .

Teaz . Wou'd I had one civilly in a Corner . Mr. Fr. Get the Cards in the Drawing-room . [ To a Servant . Witt. Not till we have the Song , Mr. Friendall , you promis'd us . Mr. Fr.

Why , faith , I was forc'd to set it my self : I don't know how you 'll like it with my voice ; but faith and troth , I believe the Masters of the Musick-meeting , may set their own words , for any trouble I shall give 'em for the future about mine .

Wild. Nay , then you ruine ' em . Witt. The Song , the Song , Sir. [ Song written by a Man of Quality . ] I. Say , cruell Amoret , how long In billet-dous , and humble Song , Shall poor Alexis woo ? If neither writing , sighing , dying , Reduce you to a soft complying : O! when will you come to ? II. Full thirteen Moons are now past o'er , Since first those Stars I did adore , That set my heart on fire : The conscious Play-house , Parks and Court , Have seen my sufferings made your sport : Yet am I ne'er the nigher . III. A faithfull Lover shou'd deserve A better fate , than thus to starve In sight of such a Feast : But Oh! if you 'll not think it fit , Your hungry Slave shou'd taste one bit ; Give some kind looks at least . Wild. Admirable well � Witt. Sett and sung , Sir. Love. A Gentleman does these things always best . Well . When he has a Genius . Mr. Fr.

Ay , Sir , he must have a Genius : There 's no being a Master of any thing without a Genius .

Mrs. Fr. Mrs. Teazall Pam wants you in the next room . Scene draws , shews Tables and Cards . Teaz .

I 'll make the more of him , when I get him into my hands .

Well .

I have something to tell you , worth more than the Cards can win for you .

[ To Mrs. Sightly Mrs. Fr. Who 's for Comet ? Lov. I am your Man Madam Mrs. Fr. You play too deep for me . Witt. Cozen , you 'll make one of us ? They go in to play . The Scene shut's upon 'em , Wellvile and Sightly stay . Sight .

I go your halves , if you please , I don't care for playing my self .

Sight .

Now , Mr. Wellvile , you have something extraordinary to say to me .

Well .

I have , indeed , Madam , but I shou'd prepare you for the Story , there are some Friends in it , that you will be concern'd to have an ill opinion of .

Sight . I have reason to think you my Friend . Well .

Then pray give me leave to ask , How long you have known Mr. Wilding .

Sight .

I never spoke to him till this Morning , at the Chocolate-house , as we came from the Park .

Well . I think he 's Mrs. Wittwoud's particular acquaintance . Sight . That , I suppose , gave him his Title of speaking to us . Well .

And she has a mind to bring him acquainted with you . I 'm sorry I must warn you of him : I was in hopes it wou'd have dy'd of it self : But his talking to you , at the Chocolate house , after he had promised never to follow you more , makes me apprehend , that he is still carrying on his design upon you .

Sight . A design upon me ! Well .

He has a design upon you : And you have heard enough of his Character , to suspect the honour of any design he has upon any woman : But such as it is , your Cozen Wittwood , and very good friend , for ends of her own , which I can inform you in , has undertaken to bring it about . I see you are surpriz'd .

Sight . I pray , Sir , go on . Well .

I never pretended to be a friend of Mrs. Wittwoud's , but now I hate her : and what I tell you , is not to ruine her with you ; but of nearer consequence , to save you from being undone by her : This is not a Secret ; I 'll tell her of it my self ; and my thoughts of her into the bargain : But , Madam , you know best , how far she has solicited his cause to you ; how far my Story is probable ; and whether you don't think , she persuaded you to walk this morning in the Mall , in order to Mr. Wilding : That was the business of her visit to you , as he tells me , whatever she pretended to the contrary .

Sight . You astonish me . Well .

I am astonish'd my self , indeed Madam , not to find her as I always thought her , fit for any mischief : But to think she can pretend to be a Bawd , and provide no better for a friend : to sacrifice you to a Man , who wou'd tell all the Town of it , as well as Courtall , and has consessed to me , that he never was in love with you , nor had a thought that way , till she put it into his head , and promis'd to assist him in 't .

Sight . Unheard of Villany ! Well .

Faith , Madam , if I might advise you , it shou'd be to a Man of honour at least ; that can be so tender of a reputation , not to lessen a Ladies favour so far , to make it the common mirth of the Town : if you have any favours to dispose of dispose of 'em your self : let not another run away with the benefit of your good turns : I have been an old Admirer , Madam ; and I hope stand as fair , and have as good a Title to put in my Claim , as any Man of her providing .

Sight .

So , Sir , then it seems you think I must be provided for , and therefore these Advances must please me : I have some reason to believe what you say of my Cozen VVittwoud , but I have no reason to think you very much my Friend ; she has betray'd me , and you are pleased to think I deserve it : I thank you for your Caution ; but it shall secure me for the future , against her and you : For as much as I thought you my Friend ; nay , though I languish'd for you , the encouragement you are pleased to make , from other Peoples Base Opinion of me , shall teach me to despise you .

[ The Scene opens , the Company rises from play , and comes forward . Teaz .

Nay , nay , I have done with you : If this be your fair play , there 's no danger of your soul ; why you make no Conscience of Cheating any Body out of your own Gang.

Witt.

Conscience at Cards Cozen ! you are a better bred Lady than to expect it .

Mr. Fr.

Conscience , Madam , is for serious Affairs , no Body minds it at play .

Teaz .

Nay I 'm ev'n right enough served , I deserved it , that 's the truth on 't : I must be playing with Company so much younger than my self , but I shall be wiser for the future , and play the Fool in my own form , where I may Cheat in my turn .

Mrs. Fr.

If you speak of your Losings , Madam , I believe my Fortune has been harder than yours ; in Ten Sets running with Mr. Wilding , I n�ver turn'd one , nor had Comet in my hand .

Witt.

Nay , if you win her Money , you may win every thing of her , if you know how to manage your Game .

[ Goes to Mrs. Sightly . Wild. And Faith I 'le play it as well as I can . Witt. Cozen , I have won an Estate for you . Sight . You have undone me . [ Exit Wittwoud . Wild. I 'le watch my time , and follow ' em . [ following . Mr. Fr.

Lovemore , prithee keep the Company together ; I have an appointment upon my hands , and must leave you : We must serve one another sometimes , you know .

[ Goes off . Servant Enters . Serv.

Madam , the Jew , newly turn'd Protestant , that my Master was God-father to , has brought the Essences and Sweet-waters he order'd him to rastle for .

Mrs. Fr. Shall we try , whether we like any of ' em . [ Going . Well . We shall find him a Jew still in his dealings , I suppose . Love. You wou'd not have him lose by his Conversion , I hope . Wild.

Like other wise Men , he 's for saving Soul and Body together , I warrant him .

[ They go in .
SCENE Changes to the Garden . Wittwoud following Sightly . Sight .

Never think of denying , or excusing it to me , I am satisfied there 's more in 't than you ought to defend , there are so many Circumstances to convince me , of your Treachery to me , I must believe it

Witt.

I see Cozen , you will believe any thing against me : But as I hope to be sav'd , upon the Faith of a Christian , and may I never rise off my Knees into your good Opinion agen , if I don't abhor the Villany you lay to my Charge ; something I must confess to you , but I beg you to forgive me , 't was unadvis'd indeed , but innocent , and without a design upon you : Courtell's a Coxcomb , and nothing but VVilding's Vanity , or VVellvile's Revenge , cou'd be accessary to the Ruin of me with you , the only Relation I love and value in the World.

Sight .

O! I had forgot the pains you took to secure me , to Morrow Night at Cards , at your Lodgings with Mr : VVilding : Cozen , let me tell you , a Bawd is the worst part of an Intrigue , and the least to be said for 't in excuse of the Infamy . But you had something more than a Lover to provide for me , or you wou'd not have expos'd me to a Man that wou'd expose me to all the Town ; is it because I have been your best and last Friend , ( for you will hardly find such another in your Family ) that thus you reward me for the Folly ? Or is it because I am a witness of your Shame , that you wou'd be a Contriver of mine ? I know , ( and I look upon it as a Judgment upon the former Follies of your Life , ) that you are notoriously abandon'd to the Beastly Love of a Fellow , that no Body else can look upon ; and , may be , you are mischievously pleas'd to make me as despicable as your self , there must be the Devil in the bottom on 't , and I 'le fly from him in you .

Witt.

O! don't leave me in this Passion , I am utterly ruin'd if you go ; upon my Knees I beg it of you .

Sight .

Cozen , I forgive you ; what 's past shall be a Secret for both our sakes ; but I 'm resolv'd never more to come into your power ; so farewell , and find a better Friend than I have been .

[ Goes out . Witt.

She 's lost , and my design upon her , which is yet a greater misfortune to me .

[ Wilding to her .

O! Sir , I am obliged to you � and you are oblig'd to your self for your success with Mrs. Sightly ; so like a Boy , to discover the Secret , before 't was in your power to expose ! Away , I 'le have no more to say to you .

[ Goes out . Wild.

So , Sir , you have made fine work on 't with the Woman . I thought I had satisfied you in the Mall this Morning .

Well .

Sir I must be better satisfied than I was in the Morning , I find there 's no relying upon your word , since , after your promise , never to follow her more , you cou'd excuse your self to me in the Mall , to meet her at the Chocolate House .

Wild.

Nay then we have both our Grievances , and this must Answer ' em .

[ Going to Fight , Courtall enters to part ' em . Court.

Fie , Fie , Friends , and Fighting ! that must not be Gentlemen , Mrs. Wittwoud has tole me the matter ; and unless you had a Fourth Man to entertain me , you had ev'n as good put up agen : We are all in fault , and all deserve to be swing'd for 't , that 's certain : Wilding was a Fool for telling me of his design , and I was a Fool for talking on 't to VVellvile ; and VVellvile no wiser than either , for making such a Bustle about it : Therefore pray Gentlemen let 's agree in this Opinion , that by our own Prating , and prying into other Peoples Affairs , we often discover and ruin one anothers designs ;

For Women are by Nature well inclind : Our Follies frighten 'em from being kind . [ Exeunt .
ACT V. SCENE I. Wittwoud's Lodgings . Wilding following Wittwoud . Witt.

NAy I don't wonder you thrive no better with the Women , when you can part with such an Advantage over Mrs. Friendall : You say you have won a Summ of her , which she wou'd not be known to lose : Why , another Man wou'd take the priviledg of a winning Gamester , upon such an occasion to press her to a Promise , at least , of coming out of her Debt .

Wild.

I shall improve , I find , upon the advantage of your hints : But Mrs. Sightly , Madam �

Witt.

Ay , Mrs Sightly indeed : Was that a Woman to throw away upon the vanity of being talk'd of for her ? In the time you were bragging to other People , of being in her Favour , you might have been every where you desir'd .

Wild. Nay , not unlikely . Witt.

I have made all the Excuse I could for you ; some too , that in my Conscience I thought very unreasonable my self ; and cou'd pass upon no Body but a Woman , that was easily dispos'd to forgive you .

Wild. If she wou'd but hear what I have to say for my self . Witt.

Nay , she 's pretty well prepar'd , but you must not think of speaking to her bare-fac'd , that she can't consent to for her own sake : You have made the matter so publick , she has Eyes upon her to be sure now : But it happens very luckily , Friendall has a Masq'rade to Night at his House : There , if you please , I can give you an opportunity of clearing your self to her .

Wild. I Ask no more of you . VVitt.

Never think of defending your self , for what 's past you were certainly i' th' wrong ; and she thinks you so : You know well enough what to say to a Woman , that has a mind to believe you .

VVild. How shall I know her at the Masq'rade ? Witt.

Go , you , and prepare for 't : and depend upon me for your Intelligence .

[ Wilding goes out .

I find I am declining in my Reputation ; and will bring every Woman , of my Acquaintance , into my own condition , of being suspected , at least : I have promis'd more than I can do with my Cozen Sightly ; I have lost my Credit with her too lately , to betray her in the way of frendship � let me see � Betty �

[ Betty Enters .

You know where the Man lives , that made my Cozen Sightly's Scarf , go to him from me , desire him to borrow it , that a Lady may see it , who likes it , and desires to have one made of the same Pattern . �

[ Exit . Betty .

I despair of bringing her to the Masquerade : I must personate her my self , and meet VVilding in her room : but what may be the Issue of that ? Let what will be the Issue : the farther he presses his Design upon me , the further I carry my Design upon her : and for once , in Order to my revenge , rather than not expose her , I 'll venture to grant him the favour , that he may tell on 't ; and she have the benefit of the Scandal �

[ goes out .
SCENE II. In St. James's Park . Lovemore , with Mrs. Friendall , and Mrs. Sightly . Love. Yonder comes Mr. Friendall , Madam . Mrs. Fr.

Wou'd I were at home agen : I came upon a foolish discovery of his Actions , to be surpris'd in a very unaccountable one of my own .

Sight .

That is , walking Incognito on this side the Park with a Man of your Character , Mr. Lovemore .

Mrs. Fr. I hope he won't know us . [ they put on their masques . Sight . He 's too busie in his own affairs . Love. He comes upon us . I must speak to him . [ Friendall enters . Mr. Fr.

You are provided for , I see : The Ladies , I suppose , wish I cou'd say as much for them too : very gentile women both , faith and troth : I warrant 'em Women of Condition , if not Women of Quality , by their assignation at Rosomond's Pond .

Love. You fansie that from the quality of your own Entrigue . Mr. Fr.

Why there 's something in that too : and the truth on 't is , my assignation is with a Woman of Quality .

Love. Mrs. Sightly I fansie Friendall . Mr. Fr.

Fy , fy , why shou'd you think so ? But let her be who she will , if she disappoint me , I 'll own it to morrow to every body �

Love. That she disappointed you ? Mr. Fr. No ; that 't was Mrs. Sightly I had an intreigue with . Sight . A small matter makes an intreigue of his side , I find . Mr. Fr. Sure I have seen some-body very like this Lady ? [ Viewing his Wife . Mrs. Fr. I would not be known for the World. Love. I 'll bring you oft , I warrant you . Mr. Fr.

She has the Air and Mein very much , of a Lady of my acquaintance .

Love.

Not unlikely , faith : it may be she her self , for ought I know to the contrary : but if you have a mind to be satisfied �

Mrs. Fr. Lord ! what do you do ? Love. I have no occasion for her at present : This is my Woman : To Mrs. Sightly .

She 's but an ill-natur'd incumbrance , at this time ; and you 'll do me a favour to dispose of her .

Mr. Fr.

Nay , if you are so free to dispose of her , I 'm satisfy'd she is not the Woman I took her for : For , to tell you the truth , Lovemore , I thought 't was my Wife : And , I gad , I began to be very uneasie ; not so much , for finding her in your Company ; as that she shou'd come so peevishly to disturb me , in an affair , so very much above her .

Sight . Why , Sir , they say your Wife is a very fine Woman . Mr. Fr.

A Wife a fine Woman , Madam ? I never knew a Husband that thought so in my life .

Mrs. Fr.

But some body else may , Sir , if you allow her to make these Entertainments for the Town , that I hear you do .

Mr. Fr.

Gad so , Lovemore , prithee bring the Ladies to my Masquerade to Night ; there 's no body but People of Quality to be there , for pleasure is my Business , you know ; and I am very well pleas'd , to allow my Wife the Liberties she takes , in favour of my own ; for to tell you the Truth , the chief End of my marrying her , ( next to having the Estate setled upon me ) was to carry on my Entrigues more swimmingly with the Ladies .

Love. That 's a Convenience in Matrimony , I did not think of : Mr. Fr.

One of the greatest , upon my word , Sir. For being seen so often abroad , and visiting with my Wife , I pass upon the formal part of the Town , for a very good Husband ; and upon the Priviledge of that Character , I grow intimate with all her Acquaintance , ( and , by the way , there 's hardly a Family in Town , but I can contrive to come acquainted with , upon her account ) there I pick and , and chuse in the very Face of their reverend Relations , and deliver my Billets my self .

Mrs. Fr. You have 'em ready then ? Mr. Fr. Two , or three , always in my Pocket : � [ Shews ' em . I write half a Dozen in a Morning , for the Service of that Day . Love. Hard service , I assure you . Mr. Fr.

Not at all : the Letters are but Copies one of another ; and a Love-letter should be a Love letter , you know , passionate , and tender , who-ever 't is design'd for . Ha! yonder are two Women in Masks ! I must not be seen with you : Ladies , you know when you 'r well , I suppose , by the Choice of your Man ; make much of him , he 's my Bosom-friend , and Confidant of my pleasures .

Mrs. Fr.

And you of his , I suppose ? There 's no pleasure without a Confidant .

Mr. Fr.

Faith , Madam , I am of your mind : But Lovemore's a little too reserved , 't is , at present , his fault , from a want of knowing the Town ; but he 'll mend of it , I hope , when he comes to have a Woman , worth talking of . Lovemore , not a word at home of seeing me here ; as you value the Fortune of your Friend : Adieu .

[ Goes out . Mrs. Fr. Are you the Confidant of the Gentleman's pleasures ? Love. I have not betray'd 'em , Madam . Mrs. Fr. Methinks a Friend should have warn'd me of ' em . Love.

I wou'd not be thought to do ill Offices , especially in Marriage , Madam .

Mrs. Fr.

I don't think you wou'd ; wou'd Mr. Friendall were as tender of wronging me , �

[ Aside . Sight .

You have had a handsome Account of their Expedition : And we are both oblig'd to Mr. Friendall .

Mr. Fr.

I am very well pay'd for my Curiosity of coming here : I suppose we shall have a Rendezvous of his Wenches , at the Masquerade ; pray let 's be ready to receive ' em .

[ Exeunt .
SCENE , Mr. Friendall's House . Men and VVomen in Masquerading Habit. Wellvile , Wilding , Courtall , Springam , Wittwood , and Betty . VVellw .

VVilding has his Eye upon us I see : I have something to say to him , in my own Person , and then I must change Scarfs with you : Be sure you are i' th' way .

Well . I thought I had known you ; [ To Betty . I beg your pardon , Madam , for the mistake . Betty .

You 'r very welcome to 't , Sir , I wou'd have you mistaken ; and that you will always be , when you judge upon the Outsides of the Women .

VVell .

You are for a stricter Examination , I find : There are Conveniencies for a full Discovery , in the next room , some Body will show you the way .

[ Leaves her . Wild.

That 's Sightly in the Scarf , and Wittwood with her , I suppose ; I must not be mistaken .

Court.

I like the Freedom of a Masquerade , very well ; but it confounds a Man's Choice .

Spring .

Why , faith , I have a mind to be particular , if I cou'd but hitt upon the Woman .

Witt.

And that you shall presently , little Captain , I 'll put my self in your way .

Spring . Behind a Cloud my pretty Moon ! [ To Betty . Shall I be the Man in you ? Betty .

With the Bush at your Back-side : You deserve to be whipt for your Witt , Sir.

[ Goes from him . Spring . I stand corrected , Madam . VVitt.

Does she beat thee , little Master ? Come a' me , and I 'll make much of thee � �

Spring . As much as you can of me , I dare say for you . VVitt. Come , come , I 'll use you better � � Spring .

To use me worse ; is not that , your Design ? She has given me my Answer at once ; you perhaps wou'd linger me thro' a Winter's Expectation , and not do my Business at last �

VVitt. What 's your Business pray ? Spring .

VVhy your Business , any VVomans Business , that has a mind to employ me in 't .

Witt.

No touching me : I have an unfashionable Husband in the Company , that won't thank you , for making him a Cuckold �

Spring . But you will , I 'm sure , if it be but to teach him better manners . VVitt.

I like your Company extremely ; but I have a great deal of Business , and wou'd willingly be ridd of you , at this Time ; but this Ring shall answer for me , till I see you agen .

[ Going . Spring . Pray redeem it , as soon as you can . VVitt.

Sir , Sir , if you have any Interest in the Family , pray let 's have a Song , or a Dance , to divert us .

Spring . I 'll see what I can do for you � [ Goes away . VVitt. You shou'd be VVilding . VVild. And you shou'd be as good as your word . VVitt.

The Lady is better than you can expect : That 's flie in the Embroider'd Scarf . You must not speak to her , before the Company , take her aside , by and by , in a Corner ; She 'll thank you for your care of her .

Here 's more Company : Lovemore Enters with Mrs. Friendall , and Mrs. Sightly . I won't be seen with you � Now Betty for the Change � [ VVittwood and Betty go out . VVell .

Lovemore , I am in disgrace with Mrs. Sightly : And can't find her , to come into favour agen .

Love.

That 's she , that came in just now with Mrs Friendall : I 'll direct you to one , by going to the other .

[ They go to em . A SONG , Written by Tho. Cheek Esq Corinna I excuse thy Face ; The erring Lines which Nature drew : When I reflect , that every Grace Thy Mind adorns is just , and true : But oh ! thy VVitt what God has sent ? Surprizing , airy , unconfin'd : Some wonder sure Apollo meant , And shot himself into thy Mind . A SONG , In the First Scene of the Fourth Act. Hang this whining way of wooing , Loving was design'd a Sport : Sighing , talking , without doing , Makes a silly , idle Court. Don't believe that words can move her , If she be not well inclin'd : She her self must be the Lover , To perswade her to be kind . If , at last , she grants the favour , And consents to be undone : Never think her passion gave her , To your VVishes , but her own . After the Song , Wittwood and Betty , having chang'd Scarfs , Enter , to be ready for the Dance , after which � � Love. Some can't get Husbands , and others can't get ridd of ' em . Mrs. Fr.

Every Woman carries her Cross in this World : A Husband happens to be mine , and I must bear it , as well as I can .

Love. I wou'd ease you of it . Mrs. Fr.

No more upon this subject , you have carried the Argument so far , 'T is allowing what you say , to listen any longer . But Mr. Lovemore , I will give you what satisfaction I have in my power , and Praise is the reward of Vertue you know ; I think you have proceeded like a Man of experience in this business , and taken the natural road to undermine most Women . I must doe you this stice , that nothing has been wanting on your side

Love. I wou'd have nothing wanting on my side , Madam . Mrs. Fr.

And however you came by the knowledge of Mr. Friendall's weaknesses , you have improv'd 'em as much as they cou'd bear upon the Conduct of his Wife : if they have not carry'd me as far as you design'd ; 't is the fault of my heaviness , perhaps , that can't be transported into the Woman you 'd have me .

Love. There 's a fault somewhere . Mrs. Fr.

Mr. Lovemore , some Women won't speak so plain ; but I will own to you , I can't think the worse of you for thinking well of me : Nay , I don't blame you for designing upon me , custome has fashion'd it into the way of living among the men ; and you may be i' th' right to all the Town : But let me be i' th' right too to my Sex and to my self : thus far may be excus'd : You 've prov'd your Passion and my Vertue try'd ; but all beyond that tryal is my crime , and not to be forgiven : therefore I intreat you , don't make it impossible to me for the future , to receive you as a friend ; for I must own , I wou'd secure you always for my Friend : Nay more , I will confess my heart to you : If I cou'd make you mine � �

Love. For ever Yours . Mrs. Fr. But I am marry'd , only pitty me � [ Goes from him . Love.

Pity her ! She does not deserve it , that won't better her condition , when she may : But she 's marry'd she says ; why , that was the best of my reasons of following her at first ; and I like her so well , as she 's another Man's wife , I shou'd hardly mend the matter by making her my own . I won't think yet my two months thrown away upon her : One time or other , some way or other , I may be the better for her ; at least with some other Women : but I begin to believe that every Man loses his labour this way sometimes .

Sight . Who can that Woman be ? [ Observing , Wilding and Wittwoud . Well . Wilding's the Man I know . Sight . Then it may be my good Cozen Wittwoud . Well .

Presuming upon the Scarf , which is very like yours , I ventur'd , and spake to her . I shou'd have known Mrs. Wittwoud I believe .

Sight . Pray try if you can learn who she is . [ They parl in a low voice . Witt.

This Place is too publick for a Vindication of this Nature , if you retire into the next room , I may accept of your excuses , upon your Promise of good behaviour , and better Conduct for the future .

Wild. I 'll follow you � [ Wittwood retires , Wellvile to Wilding . Well .

You will be the Man I see , Wilding : The Lady 's withdrawn ; don 't let her stay for you .

Wild.

Faith , Wellvile , 't is a fortune thrown upon me ; and since it came without my seeking , methinks , you should hardly think it worth your courting : She 'll bring it about one way of other , you find .

Well . You speak as if I knew the Lady . Wild.

I wou'd have you know so much , that she is not worth the honourable care you have of her .

Well . Of whom . Wild. As if you did not know her . Well . Why , 't is not Mrs. Sightly . Wild.

I have declin'd it as much as I cou'd in regard to a Friend ; but when she follows me .

Well . Mrs Sightly follow you ! [ Mr. Friendall enters and joyns with Mr. Lovemi Wild. No naming Names , good VVellvile . VVell .

Nay , then I must convince you ; I just lest Mrs. Sightly to come to you ; She 's now in the Company , and I 'll carry you to hear me speak to her . � � �

[ Carrys Wilding to Sightly . Love. Why , this was a terrible disappointment . Mr. Fr.

There are Lampoons , Sir , I say no more ; But I may do my self reason in one of 'em , and disappoint her yet of her disappointment .

[ Among the VVomen fastens upon Sightly VVild.

Why then VVittwood has put another Woman upon me ; and abus'd Mrs. Sightly and me : I am satisfied of the Cheat , and wou'd be assisting to the revenge of it if I cou'd .

VVell . You wou'd not be the instrument , to make it publick your self ? VVild. No , that I can't consent to . VVell .

Then leave it to me : Friendall's a property fit for our several interests : But Lovemore must employ him .

[ Wellvile to Lovemore Mr. Fr.

Faith , Madam , I am very fit for your purpose , at present , I have met with a little ill usage from a Lady ; by not meeting with her : but you may be the better for it , if you please : You shall have the pleasure , and she shall have the reputation of the entrigue .

Sight . I am for all or none . [ Lovemore comes to him . Love.

The rarest accident , Friendall ; the reason that you were disappointed in the Park , I can tell you , was , the Lady had appointed to meet Wilding here : She is now withdrawn into the next room in expectation of him ; which Wellvile , her old Lover , suspecting , has taxt him of , and ruin'd the design . Now if you wou'd have me , I 'll keep up the jealousie between 'em , and give you an opportunity to go in to her .

Mr. Fr.

By all means , Lovemore , this was unexpected , and done like a Friend ; I owe you a good turn for 't , be sure you keep 'em here .

[ Sneaks out after Wittwoud . Sight . What are you designing upon Mr. Friendall ? [ To Wellvile . Well . There 's mischief in 't ; and you may all be the better for 't . Mrs. Teazall pressing in with a Footman upon the Company . Mrs. Fr. What 's the noise there ? Footman ,

Madam , here 's a rude , unmannerly Gentlewoman presses in upon me , and refuses to pull off her Masque , as your Honour order'd .

Teaz .

You saucy Rascal you , I shew a better Face than thy Mother had , when she laid thee to the Parish , you Rogue : Prate to me , you Varlet ! and an honester one , tho' I say it , than any of the Company : Here 's fine work indeed in a civil Family ! What , Are you asham'd of your doings , that you won't discover your selves ?

Spring .

Mistress , you have the natural privilege of a Masque . And being disguised in your own Face , you may say what you please .

Teaz .

Marry , come up here ; Will nothing but a good Face down with you ? a Woman has a fine time on 't , with your finical fancy : but I want leasure to laugh at you .

[ Looking every where for her Niece . Court. Do you know me ? Teaz .

Ay , ay , I guess at you : learn to speak without a question , You Fool , before you set up for a Witt.

Court. I know You. Teaz . Why then you may be satisfied , I shall think you an Ass. Spring .

Nay , good Mother , you had e'en as good pull off your Masque . You see you are discover'd .

Teaz .

Discover'd you snotty-nos'd Jacanapes ! Wou'd I cou'd discover your Master ; I wou'd send him a Note of your Name : You are not yet clean from School , and are setting up for the Women forsooth : You have been so us'd to be turn'd up for a Blockhead , as you are , for peeping into every bodys back-door , to find as great a fool as your self : Sirrah , Sirrah , a good Burch Rod for your Mistress ; that wou'd tickle your tail , as you deserve .

Spring , Nay , good your Reverence . Mrs. Fr. What 's the Matter pray ? Teaz .

Why the wicked ways of Living in this Town , are matter enough for the vexation of any Woman , that has a Girl to look after : God 's my life ! Can't you keep up your Masquerades , in the primitive institution of making Cuckolds , as it us'd to be , without bringing the young Wenches into the Mystery of Matrimony before their time ? VVhere 's my Niece among you ? 't is a burning shame to draw away a poor young Girl into these deboist gallopping doings , as you do .

Mrs. Fr.

Good Mrs. Teazall , not so censorious : Pray where 's the harm of a little innocent diversion ?

Teaz .

Innocent diversion , with a Pox to 't ! for that will be the end on 't , at last : very innocent diversion indeed ; why , your Musick-meetings , Dancing-meetings , Masquing-meetings , are all but pretences to bring you together : and when you meet , we know what you meet for well enough ; 't is to the same purpose , in good troth : all ends in the innocent diversion .

Well . Nay , saith , the Gentlewoman has reason for what she says . Teaz .

Well , make me thankfull for it ; there 's one civil Gentleman among you : and really there 's a great deal of comfort in opening a poor Woman's case , to a discreet good-natur'd Gentleman : Pray , Sir , hear me ; and if you don't allow that I have some cause for what I do , I will be contented never to see Coat-card , nor have Pam in my Pocket agen .

Mrs. Fr. But who are you looking for all this while ? Teaz .

An untowardly Girl , to be sure , my Cozen Fanny , Madam : she has undone her self , and my hopes of a Husband for her : Gad forgive me , I have no Patience , when I think upon 't : last night , VVittwoud forsooth , she carries her to the Musick-meeting ; then one VVilding , an impudent Whore-mastering fellow , he carries her home with him , which I cou'd forgive well enough too , if it ended there : but now , when all things were agreed upon , and Mr. Buttybun was to give us a Supper , and sign the Writings , in order to Marry her to morrow ; when the Baggage was call'd upon , to perform her part , whip , she had given us the slip , tuckt up her tail , and run a rogueing after that fellow agen : but I shall light upon her .

Love. VVilding , what say you to this ? Teaz .

O , Sir , are you there ? if there be any Justice in England for the Women , I 'll have you bound to the Good behaviour ; I 'll swear the Peace against you my self ; for there 's no-body safe , young or old , at this rate , if such Whore-masters as you are allow'd to do as you do .

VVild.

I am bound already to behave my self like a Gentleman : I do what good I can , in my Generation ; but injure no-body .

Teaz .

Sirrah , sirrah , you shall find you have injur'd my Niece , and me , before I have done with you .

VVild.

You won't bring it to VVestminster , I hope , to be decided , who has most injur'd her ; I , by being civil to her , or you , by telling it to all the Town

Teaz . Why that 's true agen . VVild.

And let the Company judge , who appears to be most her Enemy ; I , in teaching her a very good Trade ; or you , in endeavouring to break her , before she 's well set up in 't .

Court. Nay , now it goes against you . [ to Teazall . VVild.

I have put her in a very good way ; if she manage it well , she 'll make more on 't , than her Mother made of her Matrimony .

Teaz . Nay , 't was the ruin of her , that I grant you . VVild.

And let the worst come to the worst , if she fails in this calling : she may begin in another , ( as they do in the City sometimes ) 't is but setting up for a Husband at last .

Teaz . But that you won't consent to , it seems . VVild.

Faith , Madam , I ha'nt seen your Niece since morning ; and then Mrs. VVittwoud oblig'd me to give over my pretensions to her , upon the promise of procuring Mrs. Sightly for me .

Sight . Without my knowledge , Sir ? VVild. Indeed , Madam , you were not to know of the bargain . Teaz . Then you don't know where Fanny is ? VVild. Not I faith , Madam . VVell .

We were just complaining of Mrs. VVittwoud's unkindness to you , as you came in .

Teaz . Ay , Sir , I am beholding to you . VVell .

She has been very busie all this night in carrying on an intreigue , between your Niece and some-body : They are retir'd into the next Room ; they went out at that door , if you have a mind to be satisfy'd .

Teaz .

I 'm sorry , Sir , I ��� time to thank you for this favour : I must make haste , for I 'm resolv'd to be satisfied .

[ Scene draws , shows Friendall and Wittwoud upon a Couch . Very fine ! here is a sight indeed ! Wittw . Confusion ! Mr. Fr.

What a pox ! disturb a Gentleman's pleasures ! and in his own House too ! ha ! VVittwoud here ! Nay then , wou'd you had come sooner : Madam , I beg your pardon for some Liberties I have taken with your Ladyship : But , saith , I took you for Mrs. Sightly .

VVitt. I never was mistaken in you . Wild.

You see I had too great a respect for you , and therefore provided you a more deserving �

Witt. Fool. Well .

And one that had as good-natur'd a design upon Mrs. Sightly , as you had your self .

Teaz .

Nay , now , Gentlewoman , I think 't is come home to you , and I am glad on 't , with all my heart .

Sight .

You have paid dear enough for that Scarf ; you may keep it for a pattern for your friends , as 't was borrow'd for : I won't insult over you , and am only pleas'd , that I have scap'd your snares .

Witt.

That disappointment is my greatest Curse ; and disappointments light upon you all .

[ Goes out . Court. This is your Mistress , Captain . Spring .

And I gad she shall be mine now in spight of her teeth : For since I find she can be civil upon occasion , I shall beat her into good manners , if she refuses me .

[ Goes after her . Well .

Every thing has fallen so much to your advantage , that sure the sault I made may be forgiven : What amends I have in my power , I am ready to make you : my liberty , of what I have to give , is what I value most ; and that is yours , when you consent to let me make you mine .

Sight .

This is too sudden to be serious : when you 're in earnest , you won't need an answer .

Wild.

They are striking up a Peace on all hands , Gentlemen ; we shall be left out of the Treaty .

Love. There 's yet a Lady to declare her self . Mrs. Fr.

Mr. Friendall , I 'm sorry you thought it necessary to your pleasures , to make me a witness of my ill usage : you know I can , and have past many things , some Women wou'd think wrongs , as such resent 'em , and return 'em too : but you can tell how I 've behav'd my self .

Mr. Fr. Like a Gentlewoman always , Madam , and my Wife . Mrs. Fr.

The unjust World , let what will be cause of our complaint ( as there is cause sufficient still at home : ) condemn us to slavery for life : And if by separation we get free , then all our Husband's faults are laid on us : This hard Condition of a Woman's fate , I 've often weigh'd , therefore resolv'd to bear : And I have born ; O! what have I not born ? But patience tires with such oppressing wrongs , when they come home , to triumph over me ; and tell the Town , how much I am despis'd .

Mr. Fr.

I see we are both disappointed in this affair of Matrimony ; it is not the condition you expected ; nor has it the advantages I propos'd . Now , Madam , since 't is impossible to make it happy between us , let us ev'n resolve to make it as easie as we can .

Mrs. Fr. That must be my business now . Mr. Fr.

And mine too , I assure you : look you , Madam , your own Relations shall provide for you at pleasure , out of my Estate ; I only article that I may have a freedom of visiting you , in the round of my acquaintance .

Mrs. Fr. I must be still your Wife , and still unhappy . Love.

What alteration this may make in my Fortune with her , I don't know ; but I 'm glad I have parted ' em .

Mr. Fr.

VVell , Gentlemen , I can't be very much displeas'd at the recovery of my liberty , I am only sorry Wittwoud was the occasion of it : For an old blown-upon she-wit , is hardly an intreigue to justifie the separation on my side , or make a man very vain of his Fortune .

Love. This you must all expect , who marry Fools ; Unless you form 'em early in your Schools , And make 'em , what they were design'd for , Tools .
FINIS .
ADVERTISEMENT .

A Treatise of Jealousie ; Or Means to preserve Peace in Marriage . Written Originally in French by the Author of Rules of Civility . In Twelves , Price bound One Shilling . Sold by W. Freeman at the Bible in Fleetstreet .

Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
Notes for div A60971-e140 The Wife in the Play , Mrs. Friendall .