S'too him, Bayes, or, Some observations upon the humour of writing Rehearsals transpros'd 1673 Approx. 143 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 72 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A52150 Wing M890 ESTC R94 12367292 ocm 12367292 60440 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A52150) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 60440) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 216:21) S'too him, Bayes, or, Some observations upon the humour of writing Rehearsals transpros'd Dryden, John, 1631-1700. [3], 124 [i.e. 133], [1] p. [s.n.], Oxon : 1673. Possibly written by J. Dryden. Cf. MacDonald, H. John Dryden, p. 196. Reproduction of original in British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Marvell, Andrew, 1621-1678. -- Rehearsal transpros'd. 2002-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-10 Emma (Leeson) Huber Sampled and proofread 2002-10 Emma (Leeson) Huber Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion S'too him Bayes : Or Some OBSERVATIONS Upon the HUMOUR of Writing Rehearsal's Transpros'd . — & Hanc Veniam petimusque damusque vicissim . OXON : Printed in the Year 1673. ADVERTISEMENT . The Reader will take notice , that it is the Second Impression of the Rehearsal Transpros'd to which these Animadversions are directed ● for , not being much curious of such things , it was but lately that I happened upon the Book . SOME OBSERVATIONS Upon the Humor of Writing Rehearsal's Transpros'd . TO begin with your Title : The Rehearsall Transpros'd . It Intimates the Author has imitated the Rehearsal , for which you think good to make a Play of the Author . It rests therefore to be examined , whether He be Bayes in a Preface , or you the fool in the Play. I come to the bottom of your Title Page — At the sign of the Kings Indulgence , on the South-side of the Lake of Lemane , and sold — In Chancery Lane. Amongst the Lawers ? will it sell best there ? Why , you don't think the Lincolns-Inn , and Temple-wits , will take the Rehearsal Transpros'd for a Case of Alienation , or Observations upon a Preface for A Book of Reports . Upon my word they don't like your Iesting with Playes so near them . Somebody may Transprose Ignoramus shortly at this Rate too , and , then , who knows where the Stone may light at last ? As for the Lake of Lemane I 'le suppose it a Standing water , and so may Tarry till I come to it again by and by . Then I shall exanine its Situation , and see if there be a North , or a South , or a Blind side belonging to it . But , — At the sign of the Kings Indulgence : 'T is true , He hath given you one , but I don't think He looks upon it for civilly or indeed craftily done of you , to be at every turn Quoting Him on this fashion for it upon Needless , or Buffoon occasions : You know in Scripture such and such things were permitted the Iews for the Hardness of their Hearts . Should they now ever and anon have been Rallying Moses for his Condescentions ? had they not as good have told him in Plain Hebrew that , the Hardness of their Hearts had been too Hard for Him ? But , to the business . Your book begins ( for a lucky hit ) with a Dilemma you say you have caught the Author in of his own making ; For , if he will not accept his own Charge , his modesty ( say you ) is all impudent . Call you this Catching him in a Dilemma ? Pray , what●s the meaning of Impudent Modesty ? Is your Design to Convince , or to Pose us ? We are Modest people , and shall remember Alonzo Tiveria as well as we can , but we would not be put altogether to submit to your Arguments by believing in your words . We cannot always ( as you desire ) expound a Pillar , or Explicate a Post : besides , one would think you had been told often enough of Particular & Universal Round Quadrangle ; that a man ought not to talk like a Ninny-hammer but when it were evidently Courteous and Gent , or Tuant , or Great . But if this be still a Dilemma , thou art the unluckyest Disputant in the world ; for thou pretendest to argue for General Liberty , and concludest for nothing but meer Lutheranism : for Impudent Modesty is the very Doctrine of Consubstantiation . Yet happy , happy thou ! ( since thou must needs Transprose ) hast had the fortune to light upon the Rehearsal ; for , since people will be so idle as ( at first dash you see ) to ask , what signify's Impudent Modesty ? Thou may'st there find an Answer which no Schoolman but Bayes ever light upon , and , may'st tell them , Nay pray Sirs , have a little patience : Godsookers you 'l spoil all my Transprosal . Why 't is impossible to answer every impertinent Question you ask . But , for all this , I know his Majesty does not intend his Toleration shall extend to Nonconformity in Sense also : and therefore , for this time I will tie you to that Ceremony of the Church of England , as to Speak it . But , to proceed : you hoped ( ay , and I dare say would have lost your ten pound wager on the Condition ) that He , nor nobody else would have written any more in behalf of the King of Englands Rights ( for all your being sure you had the Keys of Transprosing ; ) but he hath , that there are Grounds for Fears & jealousies of Popery . And pray , are there not ? Since the Popish Interest ( as your self make anon appear ) is founded chiefly upon Keeping the people in Ignorance ; and some of the wisest of them are so Ignorant already as to talk of Impudent Modesty ; yet if such kind of Terms seem necessary for the Ends you use them , then Oh too frail Reason that contradicts Transprosal ! But let 's see ; what is the mischief the Author is going to do ? To trick up Bishop Bramhal in a yellow Coif , and a Bulls Head ? What sense the Author can be said to trick him up in a Bull 's Head in , I confess , I do not understand . But , your Conceits are all so easie and familiar that I am confident you mean something by it . You fall next upon the unfortunate Invention that Printing has proved to be , That Villanous Engine the Press and Reformation being invented much about the same time . Pre'thee leave fooling , and tell us what thou art . Ieer the whole Reformation ? All that are not Romanists ? I have heard there was a certain Counsellor , that when he had pleaded a long while the Iudge asked him , who he was for , Plaintif or Defendent ? But , thou makest Our Case worse ; Thou abusest thy Clients . At this rate we must wish you would write express in defense of Popery , for the credit of the Protestant Religion . But you say , 'T was happy when all Learning was in Manuscript , & some little Officer like the Author kept the Keys of the Library : I doubt you 'l find him a great Officer by and by , and the Door of his Preface so well kept , that it will be past your Skill to pick the Lock . And , there was a time ( another happy time ) when the Clergy needed no more Knowledge then to read the Liturgy . ( The Wound was great because it was but small ) Th'adst been a Bishop needed none at all . Nor the Laity more Clerkship then to then to save them from Hanging . 'T is Sung , you might let point of Clerkship alone , having been your self sometime beholding to it : But , no more of that . You say next , the Mischief of Printing is , that , now if a man write a Book presently he is answered : Here you must give us leave to distinguish betwixt Transprosing and Answering . 'T is plain some Persons are presently Transprosed , but we can't perceive that any of the Principal things they say are Answered . Next you fall upon B. and L. and call them Publick Tooth-Drawers ( no doubt you mean Printing's Tooth-Drawers : ) For Publick Tooth-Drawers signifies no more then Tooth-Drawer , and were Tautology , like Publick Shooe-maker or Publick Cobler ; now you do not mean they are literally Tooth-Drawers , for that would spoile the Sense of your Allegory ; wherefore you have mistaken your self , and these things when B. and L. meet with , They expunge or stop them : and then , They are indeed ( in your sense ) Printing's Tooth-Drawers . But , the Dutchman ( you say ) ought to have been contented with a Wine press : Had it been a Churne or a Cheese-press , you had said something ; but if there be scarce a Bunch of Grapes ( much less one Vineyard ) in all Holland , why should the Dutchman be so contented with a Wine-Press ? would you serve him as the Wench serv'd her Master , and onely shew him Le trou par ou a passe son Vin ? Or , do you think ( because he loves a Dram of the Bottle ) that every time he was fudled he would imagine it was a Sluice , or some newer kind of Engine to defend His Country . But now , we come to a horrible business : The Author had said ( as Tra●sprosal tells me ) that He was imploy'd about matters of more comfortable importance . Now this Comfortable importance ( says Trans ) was one of three things , ( vide ) and that which he pitches upon of the three to be it , is a Female : and , when he has done ( like a Wise-Acres ) He makes nothing of it . There is onely an immodest Barbarian's way of being good Company , in the Paragraph , that speaks of Britches being down : Paw , There is a thing in our Land , and it is known by the name of Pitch ; this Pitch ( as thou should'st know ) defileth : So does the Style thou writest . Did Hudibras talk thus when he said , — The Modern's hence approve . The use of Rosemary in Love. But I see your Talent does not consist in Talking . Rosemary , but in rayling at Bayes , for which you will never deserve any of that , but , A great deal of Rosemary for your pains . And now I am come to these words : But He ( the Author ) knows not which way his mind will work it self . This Expression sets Trans's head so a working , that you would ●hink it would never have done . He works a Quarter of the Rehearsal ( especially , poor Volscius for doubting whether he had best pull on t'other boot , or leave off work ) almost off of it's legs . Sir William D' Avenant but offered to speak of warm weather , and He makes him Sweat for 't ; and Sydrophel for being a piece of an Astrologer , He 's resolv'd shall never have good luck after . Why , This is Whipping Tom , and ten times worse then the School-Master of Paul's he talks of : for He — Takes up all their Mayle-Pillians . Then , in conclusion , he ownes that his Friend I. O. ( after such another Dispute ) had prevailed with himself , and , much against his Inclination , to Write too . So that Bays did but imitate Him : Though Trans had not done like Trans ( it seems ) if he had Omitted ( as far as in him lies ) to make ridiculous all the Three . But , all this is but hanging forth a Picture , and sounding a Call. Now step in , for the monster himself begins . He comes to Mr. — Preface to Bishop Brambal . Take notice only by the way that a Headstal will serve a Monster for a Crupper , & you pass on to the next Room where you shall see one asking leave to call the Author Bayes . I don't find that any body gives it him ; so he ventures to do it of himself ; but , for several Reasons ; and , they are the best that ever I heard . He has no good faculty at being brief and tedious ; therefore ( to save Tyring ) the sum in short is this : He begins to apprehend that his Wit and Invention may fail him , and therefore thinks necessary to provide himself early of a Nick-name to take breath withal against he comes to be Iaded . Just ( methinks ) like Bartholmew-Cokes — Who sate in the Stocks Numps , Ha! Who , with that one word only Rehearsed again and again absolutely ranspros'd Numps . But if this does not give satisfaction , he will derive his Authority ( which Resolute Bat would have scorn'd now ) out of St. Thomas , who ( says Trans ) says , that not only Governors , but any thing else , may give Names . Sure , St. Thomas's words ( for I have him not all without Book ) are not , [ or any thing ] for every thing ( for example a Gooses's Quill ) can't speak ; but , any Person may give Names : Well , be it Person then . Why though any person may Give , he does not say , they may Call Names . Now if I am mistaken , pray when you have leisure to reward me for my pains . Call me any thing so you do not call me Spade . However I think it is by this plain , That such Mistaking and Perverting Sophisters as you ought not to be suffered to read the Scripture , nor indeed the School-men neither . But now , to the Monster of London-Derry . And first , ( that his Testimony may pass with the less prejudice against he comes with a whole Booth fall of Eloquence to describe him ) he begins with telling you that , He had formerly collected a deep Reverence for him , but He has now parted with part of the pleasure he injoy'd in thinking well of Him ; yet till He recreates himself with believing , that his simple Iudgment will make no bo●y thi●k the worse of Him , and we recreate our selves friend ( I doubt this Book will teach me to talk affectedly ) in believing so too . But , since He is not dead , I am the more obliged to repair in my self whatever Breaches of his Credit , by that Additional Civility which consecrates the Ashes of the Deceased . Heaven blest us ! what have we hear ? You talk of Bayes the 2d . and a luscious and effeminate Style ; Why here 's a very Syrrup of Additional Civility , besides Orice-powder of the Ashes of the Dead . However , if this Syrrup and Powder will make a Cement to repair the Breaches of the Bishop's credit , I am satisfied . Toleration , is that a Reward for such an Orator ? Why give him but a Trowel to help Imboss and fret the Flowers of his Rhetorical Mortar , when he Apologizes , Panegyricks , or Transproses , and I 'le undertake He shall deserve a Resignation o● Merry Andrew's and Puncinello's Patents , and to have all Lincolns-Inn Fields and Charing-Cross to himself . But I must dispatch , for I see He 's making Paul's work on 't already , and here 's as many Leaves almost as there are Windows and Doors in Salisbury Church , and all to prove , That the Bishop was a weak man , and laid an unfeisable Design . I beg your pardon ; not All to prove , for most of them indeed do but as good as repeat one another . But , before we proceed with the Bishop , He must have a fling at Bayes ; and then , He will upon the Bishop again , and after , ( if one Bawble or other do not come in his way ) at Bayes again , as before : So that I can hardly tell when I am answering , or , wherefore , or , for whom . For he manages this whole Discourse just like Iack , that was left at home to roast the Goose ; When he was turning the Spit he remembred he had the Spig●● in his hand , and when he was run to stop the Barrel , he remembred he had left Dogs in the Kitchin : But , betwixt both , with his extraordinary Diligence , and care of every thing , when the Company came from Church , there was neither Meat , nor Drink left for Dinner . Well , this Bayes we are speaking of having fam'd the Bishop for bravery , Trans says he should have furnisht him with a Sword like Bishop Odo's , which was like an other ( Irish ) Clergy-man's , which was as like a Nut-Cracker ( for — it Crack'd men clad in Steel ) as the men that were Crack'd , ( as he tells me that is crack'd ) were like Nuts . It is there describ'd however ( that the Bishop might not mistake it seems ) at large , in four Wild-Irish ( I think ) Verses . He might as well have took , Ay by His side he wore a long Pavade , And of his Sword full trenchant was the Blade . Out of Chaucer ( for they are better ) but , I believe he durst not look in him for fear of meeting with the Plow mans Tale. But let a man behave himself how he will with his Whineard , He gets no Commendations of Bayes , but upon two Conditions : That he dye , or be of his Party . Which I think is as much as to say , that He rejoyces at no bodies success that is against him , not will Preach at nobodies Funeral till they be Dead . But when he does , He will do it for Exploits which He will take out of the Knight of the Sun. Why Trans , is every thing that is Heroically done applicable to every Body ? Suppose you were past that which you may chance to come to ; I mean , suppose you were Dead . If I should say , Living He fought like Mad , or Drunk For Dame Religion as for Punck . Were this Commending the Author of the Rehearsal Transpros'd ? It is not , it is not : They abuse you only ( and so you ought to understand it ) whoever ( dead or alive ) does but offer to Glance at you with such an Expression . But Bayes gives the Bishop such improbable Elogies , that He had dyed the death of Secundinus if the swelling of Truth would have choaked him : Why Trans , art thou mad ? if the Elogies were not true , what hurt would the swelling of Truth have done Bayes ? but if they were , how horribly is all thou hast said swell'd with Lies ? But I perceive you think it would have been dangerous if you had done otherwise . Truth might have choaked you . Nay then I 'le never blame your Rayling at them both : Defaming the Church , and pretending to be only for Toleration ; for , I would have no man Guilty of his own death . But passing this , what News ? Why , while Bishop Bramhal was doing Feats in Ireland , Bishop Usher busied himself in Grubstreet about Modern Orthodoxy . I acknowledge this Expression to be nice and smart ; But I understand it not originally your own : What the Bishop busied himself about , was Refuting pretty ancient Error . So you endeavour by applying it here to abuse at once but the Bishop , the World , and the Author . But is there no more ? Yes , Bayes represents Bishop Bramhal like St. Christopher : who , though as big as big as ten Porters , sweats under the burthen of an Infant . Why then he means your Book : Which though it every where sufficiently discover the Infant ; yet the Title above all shews the Child could not so much as speak plain . But to be serious ▪ Bishop Bramhal ( you say ) endeavoured to make a Catholick agreement amongst the Churches of Christendom : Why are not you now endeavouring to make every body ( if you could ) Nonconformists ? But it was a most presumptuous thing to think he could perswade and fascinate ( are these two all one ? then all you perswade are bewitch'd . ) The Roman Church , which by a regular Contexture of Policy hath interwoven itself with the Secular Interest , and made it self necessary to most Princes : and at last erected a Throne of Infallibility over the Conscience . Now I perceive whom I am to speak to . Why , Mon Pere , hath she shew'd any more Policy then other Princes who have lost half what they had ? But she hath made her self necessary to most Princes . You do not mean sure so necessary , that they must let Her serve them in spight of their Teeths . But she has erected a Throne of Infallibility over the Conscience : Do'st thou take this to be the first of April when ( they say ) folks send fools of Errands ? We have searched the Pope's Person for this Infallibility ; but we find him ever and anon asking Placet , or Non placet ? of his Conclave of Cardinals . They both give the way to a General Council . Lastly , your Writers say , It is in the Body of the whole Catholick Church . I can liken our Journey to nothing so much as the imployment one finds in a Fortune-book : Where the first Chance sends you to the Philosopher Pythagoras ; He bids you Go to King Prian , and He to King Pipin ; at last you come to the Oracle , and when a man is there , He is told perhaps He shall have two Wives , or else his Wife miscarry of her first Child . But because I would be perfectly satisfy'd before I ventured to deliver my opinion of this ; I went to Lylly , and desired Him if he could , that He would give me some Information . So he told me , there was one indeed that was of such a Stature , such a Complexion , pretty well-spoken , grievous long-winded , and he was indeed a person that was ( Bating Errors ) infallible . But as for the Alteration which you say you think God hath signified in par● what means he will accomplish it by ; it is a sly Insinuation , and the answer consists onely in taking notice of it . But the Bishops project remains still as likely to go on as yours . And whereas you ask if he had hammered the Romanists and Protestants into one Coloss●an Church ( that 's Quibble round ) Now then shall the people do for Bibles ? Since the Bishop would not have unqualify'd people read the Scriptures . Why , they might have Bibles of the Doway Translation , which look like Bibles enough to satisfie them , yet are ( you know ) clean another thing . Again , you bring the Church of Rome to observe our weakness , that we should think of uniting our Neighbours , who can't agree together at home . Why , and we ( if you will have it ) observe Hers too in the same kind ● That she should send her Missions to ●he Indies , China , and the An●ipodes , affecting a Government ●ver Nations so remote , that she must direct her Dispatches — To our Dearly beloved , &c. In Aethiopia , their Children , or Grand-children , for a Generation or two must die at least before ●he Letter can be delivered . Otherwise as to our own Differences , I 'le ●ell you one piece of my mind without your giving me cause : And that is , I confess I think it a simple thing for Frogs and Mice to fall out till there be no Kites . But forsooth , the Ceremonial Controversie amongst us can be defended by no Arguments but what are fetch'd out of the Pope's Arsenal . We don't desire to defend the Controversie , but to end it . But would the Popes Arsonal be so kind ? Poor Arsenal ! 'T is pity it was not better stor'd with Arguments against Pillars too , when the French Embassador was lately us'd there with so little Ceremony . But thou mak'st the strangest Piece of the Pope , that keeps his Argum●●● in a Castle , and his Artillery in an I●●horn . Rather then have betray this , the Church of England should have defended themselves with the● old Arguments out of Scripture still , if they would ( had I been you ) before I would have told them where the● may have better . But now we come to that that 〈◊〉 material indeed , and highly necessary I promise you for States-men to consider , that is , whether if the Design of Union had gone on , England would not have undertook a Voyage 〈◊〉 Civita Vecchia ? Truly the Bishop was much overseen in not thinking of this ▪ for , if the Pope loves Eggs in Musc●●dine so well ( as you say ) for his mornings Draught , ( whose person you shall not find me speak so unreverendly of while he is a Great Prince ; ) no doubt Rome would presently have turn'd a Loadstone , and England a piece of Iron , and ( lying so commodious for Navigation ) if the Alps would not have come hither ( as you say is probable ) have sailed over them . And happy then would have been for us rather to have been tempted abraod at Wapping , and sold by Good Spirits to St. Christopher's or the Barbadoe's ; yet as if Rome's Throne were not infallible , or both sayls and reason insufficient for so short a Cut you say , besides the debates of that there is a better way of tampering to bring men over that have a power to conclude . Admit your Tribe have that way , are you such a fool to confess it ? You bring a fair suspicion upon whoever obliges you . But the Church of Rome has so much more wit then we had in Bishop Br●●hal's dayes , or seem to have yet learned : Whom do you mean here by We ? if you mean your self , and your Nonconforming Brethren ; truly We the King and Church of England have nothing to say against it : and they are beholding to you . But if you mean by We that have not learn'd more Wit yet , all that are not Non-Conformists : It is a Ioke upon Tolera●●●● made by your self , being your grateful return to his Majesty for it . But , the Bishops design was ill laid , though p. 36. ( I must make riddance of you , nothing but the same again and again ? This is talking upo● Beads rather then Transprosing ) it seems He had not the Art of Tampering : Yet , pag. 38. Doubtless he was a good natur'd Gentleman ( your Reason● are better here then those for Bayes's Name ) but yet He dwelt in the middle Story with Pots above , and Smoake below , ( p. 39. ) and so could not expect ( his Imagination was so good ) to enjoy his Imagination , without the Annoyances incident — to Additional Civility , & so forth : On my word this is a shrewd imputation to the Bishop , That He liv'd in the middle Story . However it seems his Servants had a good time on 't , for below were Pipes and Toleration ; above were Pots and Toleration . While the worthy Master ( like a liv●ng Emblem of the Church he was a Member of , whose sober , yet decent Government , equally recedes from the Clownish Devotions of some who hardly serve God with Civility , and the near Comical Fantasticness of others ) sate with honor , but without Pride , calm , and compos'd , in the middle Story . But what Temper in a Prince , what moderation in Government can ever satisfie People , who ( when you have said all ) must be protected as well as indulged , and taught as well as list'ned to , if that which best answers all ends , suits with both Interests , must be scorn'd , and excepted against , our middle Story ? But , I see where the Shoo most pinches ; The Smoake being below , and the Pots above , we have neither Drink nor Tobacco ; and so , can bid a Non Conformist welcome if he should come to our Chamber . You have some reason I confess to be little Zealous for these : For as there is nothing mo●e illustrates the Doctrine of New-Light then a Pipe , so no Arsenal affords mo●● plenty of Arguments , then a Fot for Liberty . You proceed , yet though the Bishop prudently undertook a design which 〈◊〉 hoped not to accomplish in his own dayes : It was some Judgement however to measure the difficulty of an enterprize . But thou art hoping to accomplish a Uniform inconformity by the meer assistance of impudent modesty : I doubt that will be a pretty while a doing too , wherefore you had better sure have kept to the Pot of good Ale , which so soon can be swallow'd ; for , Hac neque sum usquam , nec possum esse profecto . But now , breath a little , here● some variety : He falls upon Bayes again ; and for what do you think ? Not for saying , He had parted with the pleasure of thinking well of Him ; calling Him craz'd , and undertaking Churchman , saying He dwel't in the middle Story ; or , prudently laid a design he hoped not to live to see accomplished : but , for dishonouring and abusing the Bishop , — Where Honor was the furthest from his thoughts , and whom he used for a stalking Horse . I render my Cause ( as the Sword men would have it ) for fear I should not be credited . He taxes him farther with being severe to the other Reformed Churches : Still , he does not call him Ugly old Woman , nor challenge him of his sin● , being false to his own . Then comes your Pat-applications out of the Rehearsal again , of which there are and will be so many , that the Play will seem rather Transcrib'd , then Transp●os'd . Now he calls Bayes the Spiritual Draw-Can-Sir over Hungary , Transilvania , Bohemia , Poland , six Countries more , and many more ( he says ) besides , and a great part of England too . Of all whose Beards He will make his Comfortable Importance Simarrs . Truly Trans , as to his being Draw-can-Sir ; I say , for England what if he be ? Hath not your Rome one too for Italy , Spain , France , Purgatory , Germany , &c. that would be so for Hungary , Transylvania , Bohemia , &c. a great part of England , and the rest of it , and all but the Margin of Mercator's Map ? yet , I hope not to make Simarrs of then beards . Though , by the way , Friars might do well to leave shaving ; if there be any Jealousie , hair is imploy'd to make Comfortable Importances Simarrs : Nay , and then the Women may make themselves Fig-leaves of it too ( for ought I know . ) Transprose me that . As for his being Penitentiary U●●versal to the other Churches , and Buffoon General to our own : For the first , that would be no Imployment in this case , for Conformists don't nee● to Repent , and Nonconformists neve● do : And for Buffoon — I see no reason but we may be permitted to write Transprosal●s as well as your self . But now Ware-hawk ! You say the Author took in a couple in Partnership to help him : Why then he 's no Draw-can-Sir again . That 's some good news for Hungary , Transylvania , Bohemia , Popland , &c. Now I remember me you have often borrowed of the Gazette . You have acknowledged the Debt . Troth being you are come to Condition , send them this Intelligence , and Pay them . But these two Assistants ( as you represent them ) prove ( like Loiola in Ignati●s his Conclave , who was indeed the verier Lucifer himself ) to be ten times worse Conformists then Bayes , if he had been Draw-can-Sir ; ( such another slip may un-Bayes him too ; look to 't . ) For , they are as fit for his Design as those two that club●d with Mahumet to make the Alcoran , and by a perverse wit and Representation might Travesteere the Scripture , and render the serious part ( it seems you don't look upon it to be all so ) of Religion contemptible . Why , sure you han't deny'd one another fair Quarter all along Gentlemen , have you ? I can't imagine what should provoke , or where He could learn this Language , except he had it out of the Alcoran , or learn'd it of old Ioan ; nay , then ee'n at it I faith ; at your Mother you Rogue , y●● Rascal , and let Ursula defend the Rehearsal for me . He strikes immediately upon another , and perhaps a worse Shelf : He desires the World to take notice , that he does not mean Hudibras to be one of these that had a hand in M● ▪ — Book . Now have at you again Trans . If you think the World ( but for your Advancement ) would think Hudibras had a hand in it , then ( for all this Copy of your Countenance ) you do think your self , that it is an Excellent Piece : Or , if you think it a simple on● , the Complement is worse to Hudibras that way : For why should you think the World would think ( had they not your Advertisement ) Hudibras had a hand in a simple Book ? However you do well to endeavour to satisfie that Author , that ( how blunderingly soever you understand your own notions ) you intend him no Dis-respect ; for though he has fal'n first upon true blue , you don't know but he may chance to make either Ralpho or Ignatius the Colonel next time , should he be disobliged . Your next Expression of a Daw-Divine derides the Faculty ( what needs that ? ) not the person . Can't you call whom you please Sir Roger without calling whoever is a Divine a Sir Iohn Daw ? One should make fine work , if as you compare a Divine to a Daw , I should compare the Throne , or Chair of Infallibility to his Nest : But Non tali auxilio , nec Defensoribus istis . And so , as to such scandalous and dangerous discouse as this , I once more take my leave of you , and bid your Transprosership heartily farewell . But the Author writes without a Name or Imprimatur . Of the first you might better have taxed him if you had told him your own : and for the other , I promise you I 'le have one now if I can get it . And since you call the Licensers Toothdrawers , if he that shall happen to oblige me in the case , will give it me as I would have him , instead of Nihil reperio bonis moribus , &c. contrarium , he shall say , In sign that this is Sooth. I bite it with my Gang tooth . And that I hope will please you . Here follows a whole leaf that belongs to Ursula ; & so he brings you to Astrologie , & Comets , & says you can't by a Tellescope , but you may with a Microscope see the Author in Heaven-Inn ▪ Calvins head . I never saw any thing so like Doll in her Fit. Certainly the Rabbins and Heathen Greeks are come at last — to teach the people of Great Britain ; for these are Stars in story that none see nor look at . Poor Calvin indeed , that can't lie quiet in his grave , but must have somebody in his head , every time that any body has a Maggot in theirs . But now to the Bramble and Lake of Lemane ; ! did not , nor no man alive I think would have thought , after all this Cracking , that you had caught the Author placing Geneva on the South side of the Lake of Lemane ; but that he had said such a thing in some such plain and apparent manner , that no excuse could have been made , no gloss nor interpretation have palliated it : but upon taking more heedful notice : for ought I see you do but quote Sir Thomas again . For all that the Authors words ( by you cited ) say is , That a Bramble spr●●g up on the South side of the Lake of Lemane , — whose soyl was rank , &c. Why must all the place either of Calvins birth , which he may mean by Springing up ; or that he ever lived and taught in , needs be the Town of Geneva ? You can't prove he was any Parish-child of the place , or bound Prentice ( like some of your Brethren ) in it , till he was fit for the Ministry . Now with your Critical people , th●● will exact truth from falshood , go on ▪ Ay but , said they ; and Nay but , say we . This was a cold conceit , and not enough matur'd ; that 's another it self . At last comes the main argument ; Geneva had turn'd her britch upon him . Why though some men have turn'd round , you did not find they all sail'd to Civita V●cchia : no more does it follow that Geneva ( except she skipt over the Lake ) must change from North to South , the place of her Relative Situation . Hence however he says a Good Wit might have deduced certain Theses ; as first that the Author design'd to make Calvin and Geneva ridicule , ( that 's a dainty word . ) Next , that he might have Transpros'd his Name , and turn'd Geneva's to Roaring Lions . Thirdly , that the Presbyterians were spawn'd . ( Gentlemen , take this for a Warning piece ; if you are wise look before you , and if you are men disdain the Affront . ) Item , that the River Rhesne grew sober , and that there are Bears in Bern. Would it not burst any man now to be cramm'd ( like Daniels Idol ) with such Pitch and Hair as this ? Why certainly thou ●●ingest these Pagan Periods ( as I suspected in your fourteen leaves about Bishop Bramhall ) ever and anon in our way ; out of the same design that the Turks , they say , will sacrifice a Forlorn of twenty or thirty thousand men , meerly to blunt the edge of the Christians Swords against they come to the Main Battel . I 'le swear it works its effect upon me ; for thou hast and shalt scape many an Observation that might easily be made , because I cant dig and delve , nor write Commentaries upon Tom Thumb for my living . To pass therefore more of what you call Mother Midnights Nuts , the next true-bred Period ends with your saying The Author runs a Muck : why then I would advise Bishop Odo , and Bishop Munster , the Bishops of Stratzbourgh & Colloigne , to girt on their swords ; and poor Bishop Usher and Bishop Bramhall to get out of the way ; for your Bishops are the onely people I find in danger when any body runs a Muck. But the Crocodile ( they say ) weeps when a man is slain , though for his own Table ; and this tender heart sobs another whole Page for the Credit of Calvin ; which ( as he says ) is attacqu'd by Bayes : Then , he laments the Author 's own weaknesses , ●nd his being fit for nothing but Bed●am , or H●gsden . Then gives an ●ccount of his Education , and writes ●wo Verses more out of the Rehearsal , ●ll such pitiful stuff , and so tedious , ●hat I must be excus'd ; for if He ●as any thing that is pretty well said , ●n relation to Coffee houseness , and Dis●ursive phansie , yet all is so ill as it ●elates to Iudgment that knows when it has done well , and said enough , that I must leave ( both here and elsewher . ) the burthen of the Song to the Reader ; and Him to find that it does its own work it self . ) After this the Author comes to Town , and gets one that lov'd Drolling to his Master ( if all Masters did so , thou wouldst never get a place . ) The Author 's Hypochondria , ( where 's your hat and your leg to Hudibras ? ) got up into his brain , and His head swel'd like — ee'ne what you please . In this Family he walk'd amongst the Innocent Hens , bowed toward their p●w , till — He left them as Innocent as he found them ; with which Libertinage he was so transported , that ( there being much more of the same still ) I wish all Fops at old Nick. But Lycanthropie ( I must take notice of that for the pain it cost me . ) He says the Author has contracted the Distemper of Lycanthropy ; in so much that if there were any sheep here ( to wit , in the 68 Page of the Rehearsal Transpros'd ) you should see him pull , and suck . Now I tell you Auditors , that I have look'd in Thomas his Dictionary , & I find Lycanthropy indeed a sort of melancholy humour with which the parties that are affected Howl ; but , that they believe themselves Wolves , is more then He knows . And I was the rather induced to misdoubt it , because I suppose Trans does not think himself a Plant-animal ; nor for all his repeating and imitating the Rehearsal , really believe himself to be Bayes . But to something else : Doctor P. yet again ? Well I see I must have t'other Tug at him , for I would willingly shew you him in a Telescope , though I can't in a Microscope if I die for 't , ( He 's too big already . ) Dr. P. ( I say ) tax'd Dr. H. for having New-fangled Divinity ( like yours ) but , Created him Doctor of Divinity , or ours . Bayes is an Enemy to Controversial skill , or the Calvinists . Does he call them any where Controversial Fishes ? Bayes persecuted Germany , taking it to be Mr. B. for which fault , if he should raise up Bishop Bramhal's Ghost , it would be angry ( as it had reason ) and rebuke him for it ( he shews you how ) in Rime . Then comes , once upon a Time , the Guelfs and Gibbelines ; which of them were the Nonconformists in those days he can no more determine , then which of us here at home ( you see He 's none of Us ) are now Schismatical : then he says Bayes won't forgive Mr. B. nor ( for all our Jesting ) be Penitentiary Universal . Hey ho ! Then , he blames him for Preaching upon nothing but that particular Repentance , which it seems he had chosen particularly for his Subject . He speaks of the Name of God with Reverence literally , but implicitely , wholly without it , Baye● is the first Minister that has Commission 〈◊〉 Rail against all Nations ; but , take notice it is void , because it never was sealed by St. Thomas . Britches again : So often fumbling with them ? What , ar't a Taylor ? Marry pray — He b●n't worse . Gentlemen , have a care of your Pockets . Let folks fear God , Honor the King , Look to their Chimneys : There 's Piety , Remarkable respect for his Majesty , and an End of the wittyest froth of five of his Leaves more . Skip soundly , and you come to a huge deal of Sport about I. O. and , the Letters of the Alphabet , Fighting through Squadrons of Mutes , Semi-vowels ( does any man know what they be ? ) and Liquids . With these Bayes , he says , keeps himself in exercise , as Cats whet their Cla●s against they incounter Rats : He had heard of Elephants whetting their Teeth , but forgetting He is not now talking of Elephants Teeth , he says Cats whet their Claws . They do not , they do not : They onely claw the Hangings sometimes to stretch themselves , as I am assured by a Lancashire witch , that was One. Now pick what letter you will , &c. but I 'le swear I am ashamed to let any body know ( when this was the Entertainment ) that I stay'd longer in the Company . Wherefore , to pass quietly ( without noise ) as I can by such Dull nuts as Io Poean , The Focus of Burning Glasses , ( I meant to Ieer , but I see , I need onely repeat him ; ) The Stars smiling , and the Fountains warbling ; nay , and Tom Triplet too ; — Quis enim tam durus ut in Te ? We come now at last to be told that I. O. ( He hath serv'd this whole Campaigne for , betray'd the Enemies Design to the Rats , and tormented the poor Letters worse then the Arrantest Dunce that ever made Acrostick , Telestick , or Anagram ) that I. O. I say ( though , like his Couzen Bartholomew , Trans could not pass by any shop , but He must be buying ) was not the Person Bayes intended , but the King. Now , it begins to work : His Majesty before his happy and miraculous Restauration . How , if you had begun thus ? Scarce had the ruddy Aurora risen from the Bed of the aged Titan , when , &c. But please your self : On●ly , I would not willingly be tyred at the very beginning of a Speech . Well — Sent over a Declaration of his Indulgence to Tender Consciences ; but ▪ before the Toleration , which is now pass'd , came out , Bayes put out his Ecclesiastical Policy , in which , the Grand Thesis , upon which He Stakes the Fates of Princes , and Conscience of Subjects ( to pass by your fiddle faddles ) is This : That , it is absolutely necessary to the Peace and Government of the World , That the Supreme : Magistrate of every Common-wealth should be vested with a power to Govern , and Conduct the Consciences of Subjects in Affairs of Religion . This ( say you ) being the Magisterial and main Point , the rest of his Assertions may be reckoned as Corollaries , without which it can never be justified . First , I confess I never heard before that Corollaries prove the matter that precedes , but that Justifies the Corollaries : He had the notions in his head ( jumbled together ) about Corollaries , & Postulat's ; and either could not find what the thing he meant to speak of was , or if he knew that which was the right name to call it by , because ( t' should seem ) it was not in His Iustine . I have been wondring all this while why he said the Author's Preface would serve for a Post-script to the Bishop's book . Now my Dream is out ; for I see he understands that a Consequence may Play at leap frog with a Proposition , and that which is a Postulat one may calla Corollary . If this World hold , there 's hopes we may baffle the Irrefragable Doctor , and the Master of Subtilities both by and by . After some more Citations ou● of the Author Trans says : Having 〈◊〉 enabled the Prince ( that is ) proved his Assertion by Corollaries , dispensed with Conscience , & fitted up a Moral Religio● , ( this is all impertinent now to the course of an Argument ) he ( the Author ) shews next how much those moral vert●●● are to be valued ; Affirming that it is 〈◊〉 necessary Princes should set up a stricter Go●vernment over mens Consciences & Per●swasions : And that it is less hazardous 〈◊〉 give Liberty to their Vices , then to 〈◊〉 Consciences . Why , this shews only how much the want of these Vertues is to be 〈◊〉 valued , not how much they are to 〈◊〉 valued . Thou alwaies provest ●li●d I expected to have heard what they would have given us : and if a 〈◊〉 should have got something by being a Good Subject . Go on ; But for what belongs to the use of their Power ( I thought you had meant the utility or usefulness of it , Exercise of their power ( and be whip'd ) then ) — If Princes will be Resolute , &c. Come , welfare mine Hoast of the Taberd — Thou do'st nought but spend 〈◊〉 , I tell thee friend thou shalt no longer rime . Next , he speaks of well meaning men , who Bayes says , may be punished if they do contrary to what they are bid , for all their meaning . In conclusion he cites one Corollary mor● to which the Grand Thesis it self ( 〈◊〉 says ) is subordinate . ( There are two kinds of subordination , one in order to Proof , the other , in order to Profit ▪ You shall not slink 〈◊〉 from being bold to what is in order to Proof ▪ though letting you do so would be in order both ways to you● Pr●●●● ▪ The Corollary i● — If Pr●●●s pl●●● a 〈…〉 of the Church , the 〈◊〉 presently T●●ters . I say then Bayes does not lay down this in order to proving ( as a Corollary ) his Thesis . But all this now ( as I told you ) is impertinent to the Canvassing that point where he left ▪ which is — The Grand Thesis . Onely I have trac'd his long maze of words , and dodging thus punctually ( for I never intended to make a business of Him ) to see if I could find how the King was glanced at , but perhaps we may come to it by and by . In the interim he concludes once more , this is the syntagm of Bayes his Divinity , 〈◊〉 the system of his Policy , the Principles of which confine upon the Territorys of Malmsbury . You have been at it once before as a Rectory , then I pass'd it : now look to it self as a Frontier . Thou art the imprudent'st ▪ Champion for For●i● Iurisdiction or Toleration ( chuse you which ) that ever I knew . Can't you let that Book alone ? we should forget if you 'd but hold your Tongue , why 't is the only thing that is as great a Hudibras to your Church , as Hudibras is a Leviathan to the Presbyterians . Now comes a great deal of rambling Invective against Bayes for endeavouring to Couch his business so , as ( by intangling matter of Conscience with the Magistrates Power ) no body should dare to meddle with it . Why if he does , that does not concern you , for you are far enough from so much as handling the Question , yet for ought I see . We proceed ; Bayes being fortify'd ( with that Intanglement ) on one side , took himself to be impregnable on the other , since His Majesty must needs take it kindly that He gave him such an accession of Territory , and That what ? That Bayes shewd him He ought to submit to His Instructions , lest by vertue of Page 271. Bayes should not think him fit to Govern : For still , this the King must take kindly too , or we can't look that Bayes should expect ( by vertue of your ●●ference ) to be impregnable on both sides ; if that which you say is in Pag. 271. be true , which I don't belie●e , and shall not make a Journey to look . I suppose the Book 〈◊〉 e●●ant for any body that please to satisfie themselves . And so I conclude this , with saying that in respect of any words of His which I observe by you set down in this Book ( for your Qu●tation of p. 271. ( contrary to your Custom ) recites none . ) I see no reason for your saying — The King is the person ( in any indecent way ) intended by Bayes from the beginning . Well then we come to what Bayes has said , and something we are sure of : That is , the before repeated Thesis , which is a Universal Proposition , and none of them meddle with any particular persons Actions . Therefore it is only to be inqired of such an one whether it be true or no. Under the Title of unlimited Magistrate He undertakes to Examine the Matter . And first , he puts off his Cap , and salutes the Company ( as Tumblers do before they begin ) excusing himself by reason of his private fortune and Education . Truly , we have not seen either over much Learning nor Manners yet , ( as to the Education ; ) and for your Fortune I 'le look a little further before I believe 't is ( in earnest ) so bad as you make it . But if thou be'st a poor Scholar , let 's see if there be any hopes of thy coming to ought that 's good that way . Thou art Respondent . Bayes argues thus . Princes ought not to forgo that Soveraignty which is absolutely necessary to Govern. The Soveraignty over mens Consciences is such . Ergo , One would think now He should deny the Minor , and let Bayes go on , and ( if he did not know his way ) lose himself : Or else find some fault ( ex vi Formae ) in the syllogism : not a bit of either does He : But first starting another Proposition of Bayes's , That no Rites or Ceremonies can be esteemed unlawful , unless they tend to Debau●● men in their Practice or Conceptions of the Deity : Upon which Trans Infert ( that 's not thy business still ) that if the Other be true , no man is ( in Ingenuity ) bound to do God that service ( which we deny to follow too : ) but let that pass . To the Grand Argument ; which we have made such a Grand do about , and which is or should be the Grand Subject and Conquest of this Grand Book ● instead of Answering He turns Opp●nent ; and praemising that the King has a terrible way of Kicking , and will fling you to the Stable door ; that He k●ows all is , but that the Priest may ri●e him ( fine Language ) th●ugh to a Precipice : ) Only tells you first , That he is confi●e●t if Bishop Bramhal were alive he would rebuke Bayes for it . Secondly , That no Bishop , nor any of their Chaplains would have Licensed his Book without certain Non-Obstantes . Thirdly , That the King ( though they be his Right ) does not love to hear of conceal'd Lands . Whoever can find any more , let them take it for the Discovery . Now would any one believe that this man had read St. Thomas ? Nay , or Iack Seton , or Burgersdicius : why he does not know what Arguing is , He does not so much as Confute him with Not. He onely Imitates the School Master , that when the Child desired to know what was the English of such a word , asked him who wash'd his face . Go Bayes , go ; what do you Dispute with a Durty face ? Now I begin to take him for a Quaker , for as broken & Mystical Logick is a sign of Infallibility , so having none at all , is ( in earnest ) a sign of a mans private Fortune and Education . Tell him of Modes , Figures and Syllogism● : he has a Toleration for that , and will tell you again , They are all but Forms invented by Aristotle , who may have been some Primate or Metropolitan Bishop ( for ought he knows ) under Alexander the Great . Nay Trans if you leave his Foundation standing thus firm , you may make an Egregious ●lay with the rest of your Whinny-whanneys ; but where 's the Plot ? So ee'n go thy ways with thy Publick Conscience , Moral Vertue , Debauchery Tolerated , Persecution Recommended , and thy meer , meer Pushpin Divinity . So by this , I think you may guess the Reason why I told you , that though some are presently Transpros'd , we can't perceive their ●rand Thesis is ( by your turning Oponent ) Answered . Hang serious Counsel , I le to the Dance again if there be any more Musick . White Apron'd Ameril●● ! are you ●o near ? I must take you out by my ●roth : What 's your Dance ? The Rehearsal Transpros'd . The Blockheads don't know it by that name , Madam . Play the New Figary . So — But now what make you here ▪ Has C●ris●● coverted you to appear against Moral Grace ? No forsooth , I came onely to oblige Squire Ralph● , and be a witness for the Orthodo●eness of what d' ee cal 't . Your Servant Madam . 'T is well though you spoke Italian , for I should never have known you by your White apron : And D' ee hear ? have a care you come no more in this Company : They 'l make you leave your Santissima Honesta , to talk like Nanna and Pippa ; ( but I shall not repeat their discourse out of the famous Giornate . ) But let 's see , who have we next ? Iuvenal ? No , here 's none but two poor Thredbare Verses of his that have been Quotation-worn ( I 'le count as exact as Trans ) 732. times since Montag●● Essays . What 's here , a third too ? — Te facimus Fortuna Deam . Why this is worse Rash then them all , besides so Hal'd in , and so Phlegmatickly apply'd , that I wonder your Overseers at the the Lake of Lemane did not correct it . Your right Topers now , when a friend begins to flag at the latter end of a day , use to Rouse him up again , and cry — Brother , you are not Merry . What did you write this Strain by your self all alone ? But let 's see , what 's next ? Oh he rails at Bayes : Rail on , how he Preaches ( about Debauchery Tolerated ) like — Him that a Monk would be ; Ordains Lucan too . Good Doctrine no doubt , and true ; but not as recommended as a Consequence to Two and three make five . Ergo , as if I should tell a man ( I name no body ) He ought not to give ill Language , Jest with Sacred things , talk Ribaldry , and the like , because Bayes walk'd amongst Innocent Hens ; and Amarillis her Apron was pure white : Whereas the reason in truth is , because it is Prophane , Scurrilous , and Simple . His next Head is Persecution Recommended . Here he compares Bayes to the Emperor Iulian , and Bishopsgate-street to Butcher-r●w in such lamentable Threnothriambicks , that you would think Nineve were going to be Destroy●d immediately . — Quis talia fando , Mirmidonum Dolopumve , &c. — Temperet a lachrymis ? But will he eat your Children Trans ? What would you give for a Publick Tooth drawer now ? Or your own , and Mrs. Abigails — For take his 〈…〉 and pluck them out ; but let 's see , what Joyn● does he begin at ? — You hav● seen how he ( the A●hor ) inveighs against Trading Combinations : Therefore Farmers lay by your Plows , Lawyers Adjourn the Terms , Landlords set Bills on your Shop doors : These are all Trading Combinations , or Trans sees no reason why the Part●es concern'd should not Mistake as well as He , and think them so . But that that most Muses me , is this ▪ When a man sees a Bill on a Shop dorr , he commonly says This shop is to be Le●s : Now how will it be● a means to destroy Trading , to ●ell people where they may have Shops ? But it is no I●sting matter he assures us ▪ for Bayes has taken a List of all the Fanatick Ministers and their people : Why so Trans , by your leave for all that ● are all the Fanatick Ministers Tradesmen ? O● , most every body that goes to Law or to Plow hereafter be judg'd a Fanatick ? Or is it still a Iesting matter ? or no matter at all : Since for ought I perceive neither you , nor I can very well tell what matter this can any way be to the t'other . But Bayes would expose well meaning Zealot's to the Galleys : That 's a horrid thing indeed , to condemn them all for Sforzato's for onely — Poisoning Cardinal Bembo's Cook. For Trans his part He , seems condemn'd to be transported already : He 's roving to Turkey , Malta and Port● Longone to look for Galleys . I suppose ( if the Brethren must row ) He would find the Quakers a Vessel which may be call'd the Ioseph and Mary : but ( for his own part ) the Santa Teresa , or St. Iohn of Ierusalem will serve Him ; And if Bayes and his partners will make the Galley ▪ , the King hath already up a Squadron . — It will be singular Obligation to the General of them , and ( no less ) to his Linsey-woolsey Ciurma , provided He may be call'd Saint Iohn Ana-Baptist Du Tel. For that will be as good as a What cheer ? and gratifie all parties ; both Father Trans's and Iohn of Leyden's together . But I don't like your way of Iesting ( if it be so ) that follows : Where remembring some sort of people ( for it is no less ) how daring things some of their Perswasion have formerly resolv'd , you after intimate How easie a thing it were to Deifie the Divine after the ancient manner , and no man ( you say ) be the wiser : Which hint to them you pursue with aggravating Bayes his unkindness for them . That He frequently sneer's at them in an Ironical manner : That his Entre-messes must be of their Giblets and their Heads his Handkerchief , and then conclude ( as to another purpose ) We know your Inclination , and we know your Lodging . I pass by the rest of the the Declamation ; for as to Rigor and Cruelty , I have told you Mine , and I presume Mr. Bayes's Abborrency of it already . Now for you so much to distrust the good effects your own Book may produce : Or , however set your Dogs at people ( you know some are Heady enough ) and get a man assassinated without your own appearing in it , if you can ; is such a thing that I am confident your own Party ( whoever they be ) scorn to owe more then their Liberty to such an Expedient : And I have heard the Person we both pretend to serve , hath refused his Crown it self when it was often offered Him , if he would have permitted such an Action . For my part , I can very hardly forbear running you up here with Terms you 'd be as loth to hear , as unable to Disown that you Deserv'd them . But to something else . The next passage in you , is that you tell us this is an Age wherein men cannot well support their Quality without some Accession from the Publick . Oh! are you Begging ? I thought I should smoke you : Is it come to this in truth ? Subdola tenduntur crassis mode ●etia Turdis . Because you are so good at Translating Verbatim , to shew we can match you at that too , take it thus , He wanted Food and Linen : So he took Toleration for his Seam-stress , and his Cook. And then he crys out like King Harry in Shakespear , My Conscience ! My Conscience ! He has not the Conscience to see himself want : and 't is pity he should ( while there is any Monoye de Cordelier ) He is so Religious . There needs little more be said to the rest , the reason why is given already : Onely whereas upon the Authors saying , If a pin be pull'd out of the Church , &c. and mentioning Pushpin Divinity , you say you will have a care you don't swallow the pin . The pin ( it seems ) is in the Church : So we 'l ease you of that care , by keeping you from Swallowing Her. I think I have answered all your Quidlibet's ; if not , Remember the Thesis , Trans . Now does it come in my head that this would make a Burthen for a Song . Your performance deserves richly to be Recorded : 'T is a Dull thing to be alwaies Transcribing other peoples Verses as you do : Troth le ts ee'n try once what We can do our selves . Ho! The Wine press . Give me a Glass of Champaigne . There was a Wight , And He was no Knight , And he took Pen in hand : He writ so well , He did excell , Most Quakers in the Land. He Transpros'd Playes , And he hop'd that Bayes He could bring to the Roman Danc● . Now hands all . But I pray remember the Thesis , the Thesis , Remember the Thesis Trans . Is not that very well now ? I Ca● I 'le be Bayes my self now I think on 't , and have it sung next time Love in a Nunnery is Acted . And now I make account I have done my business , and completely answered your Book : There are not above 200 pages or so left . But after the Memorable Battel of Thesis , there 's no body needs take any more notice of any thing you say as pretending to Argue : 'T is but crying — Hus redi , & mecum contende sub illo . And therefore henceforth ( as it fell out after the Chivy-Chase Engagement ) Your Logick must rue that is unborn , The Bickering of that Day . So now we 'l go on , only to make an end of Christmas ( as they say : ) and first , I find you can't forget a Grudging till the cold weather be over , and to shew us a man need not be idle when he kept his Chamber , you give us a Punctual account at large of the Rise and Cure of the F. Pox. We don't doubt but you have Conversed with a Chirurgeon . But Mr. Bayes will see you recover well before he venture to follow your Directions . But ( say you ) To resume the former History concerning the Author's Books , He has not been considered , nor got no Preferment ( by writing ) for his pains , Oh! you would discourage us that way from Patronizing this ▪ Cause any further if you could , would you ? Why Trans I 'le tell thee , for my part , whether ever I get any thing or no , I will scorn to beg in Print , and take an occasion when there is none to say , Good people , A Gentleman of your side can't well support his Quality without some Accession from the Publick . Then as for the success his Books have : I don't know what success an Argument can have if that be none , that they shew themselves forc'd as cunningly as they can to slip by , who pretend to Answer it . And so I think you do I. O. no great Courtesie neither , in repeating nothing of him but his asking what was become of the old Plea of Ius Divinum ? For it is as much as to say , that He did not go about ( which in this respect was his Place ) To answer neither . I never saw the Gentleman●s Book , and so don't determine there is nothing in it more to the purpose he may write for then this Question . But Trans , I will say something for thee still , though thou hast not done what thou shouldest , that is , Answered ; thou hast done what thou couldest . Thou hast chatter'd hideously , and spread thy Tail at the Hawk like thine own Magpie . Thou hast mudded ( as thou callest it ) the matter with Ink like any Sepia ; and ( like thy Taylors Wife ) thou hast held up thy Thumbs at him in the very Ducking-stool . Thou wantedst nothing but a Good cause , for thou hast sufficiently shewed a voluble tongue ; and mayest pretend still if thou wilt for me , That her were as good a Shentleman as the best of them if her horse would but go . After this he falls to quoting several passages in the Authors books , to shew the Authors Principles thwa●● one another . He begins about Magistrates power . To this I need onely keep where I was , and tell you , that if the grand Th●sis stand firm what●ver Consequences are legitimately deduced from that , are good and true , whatever become of the rest : and that your going about thus to confound us with a deal of stuff that does not belong to the way you should handle the Question , is but like Gipseys toling us on with a ramble of words , till we have forgot our selves at last , and then they pick our pockets . However to please you , to your first whole side of Citation , which ends in — Therefore 't is necessary for the security of Government , to set bounds to its Iurisdiction . I answer , it is bounded by being subordinate to the will of God ; and so I believe the Author answers too , though you found it not so convenient ( I suppose ) to continue on your quotation till he came to shewing in what manner he explains himself . Now though that does indeed oblige the Magistrate to as tender a conscience ( as you say ) as any of his Subjects ; yet it does not take away the Magistrates power he pleads for , and so you may go Hoop ( as you do ) and Holla with your rest . Now comes Transprosal to be agreeved that the Author had said , A Prince that sottishly neglects his Security deserved to Perish like Sardanapalus . Whereupon he says , He knows not why a Prince should not be willing to enjoy the Innocent Comforts of this life , as well as do the Common Drudgeries : Truly , nor I neither , nor any Honest man else : But how comes this in upon the Author 's naming Sardanapalus ? Was Sardanapalus his Sloth and Effeminacy Innocent Comfort ? Or would you have every Prince enjoy such as were Sarnadapalus's ? Thou doest meanly aim now at making some poor and wretched Complement . Fie for shame , shew thus in Print what you would condescend to do ( if any body would imploy you ) rather then a Gentleman should 〈◊〉 from the Publick wherewithall to support his Quality ! But now he must see how matter● stand betwixt the Author and His Answerer , ( any thing in the World Trans , but undertaking to Answer your self may be safe . ) Go to then . His Answerer had objected , that Bayes had represented all Tradesmen as Seditio●s . The Author reply's , He onely supposed some Tradesmen tainted with Sediti●●● Principles : Trans will shew He contradicts himself , and having quoted those words crys , Holla Bayes in the 49 page , &c. you say , no sort of people are so inclinable to seditious practices as the Trading part of a Nation : Upon which he wisely asks , Is this the same thing now ? No ▪ sure ; but Bayes never told you he never talked but one thing all his life . But do these two deserve to be brought to confront one another as contraries ; or does either confess the Accusation ? What should one talk further to a Corollary-maker for ? So in his further Quotations about Magistrates power , Inward Conscience , ( that 's a pure word too ; I wonder who inventd throwing away Butter upon basting of fat meat . ) Can you tell me where a man may buy a piece of Red Scarlet to make a Coat for his outward back ? And the Wednesday Act he seems sometimes to leave out , otherwhile to subjoyn words of the Authors , that are not , nor never were intended , as I guess to be Relatives to the matter he cites before ; or else he will not , or does not understand how that which he represents for contrary is consistent , as it really is . Here follows but two leaves and a half of most dissolute and groundless Invective , that Railing is the most material part of Bayes his Religion , his ●e●son , his Oratory , his Practice , and the ultimate end of all his books ▪ For thy part , if this be the way of Triump●ing I believe it will be a most scan●al●● thing ere long to get a victory . There is nothing in my way that hinders me , and so I may now go on to the Preface to Bishop Bramhall . I believe the Reader has forgot any such thing was ever mentioned . You should have plac'd your Title-page here . Well , the King puts out his Declaration of Indulgence , March the 15th . — 71. Upon which Bayes fell into many war● and glowing Meditations , which occasioned his writing this Preface . First , here Trans brings his Dilemm● again . You should have mended it though , or got a new one ; for take my word this has a hurt — in the Fiddle . Next , he calls Bayes Incendiary , Idle Fellow : ( You are a Sh●d , and a Whit , and a very Tim. ) Give him no more Ale ; he shall not have a drop more . But , what Bayes sayes of His Majesty and the Council ( being toward the later end of his Discourse ) I am forced to defer that a little , ( he defers that which he is not come to ) lest there being no method in it , I should be in a perpetual maze , and never know when I am at my Iourney 's end . Marry that 's a provident care indeed for a Mad-man ; for thou shewest plainly enough , I think , that thou art in a maze already . He continues ; And here I cannot altogether escape the mentioning of I. O. again : Is this Going on to the Preface ? Do'st thou take I. O. to be the Preface to Bishop Bramhall ? Prethee tell me in plain words , and other folks too that never read word of any of your writings , when you come to 't with your Going on , and say , Hic incipit the Rehearsal Transpros'd , or Animadversions upon a late book entituled a Preface , &c. Now must I run , I see , to I. O. and a Garden of Flowers , and never know but that I also am in a 〈◊〉 there , and that I. O. may be a Thief , or a Gardner , or — knows who but — Why this is Lardella's Funeral On then Rabbi Harpocrates . He ( the Author ) singles I. O. out , and 〈◊〉 pretence runs down all the Non conf●●●ists : This being ( as he imagined ) the safest way to undermine and blow up 〈◊〉 Majesty's Declaration . If he had run down His Majesty's Declaration , he had undermined and blown up all the No● conformists : but to run down the No● conformists , I suppose is not to undermine or blow up , but to take away the subject of His Majesty's Declaration . The next thing in the Garden o● Preface ( if they be all one ) is , th●● Bayes , you say , undertakes to prove , that Railing is both lawful a●d expedient , Now this you say ( but that you make a conscience of doing it ) you could prove a sin by Scripture if you would ▪ No doubt it requires a great Doctor to do it . But why should you make a conscience ( if any holds it lawful to rail ) to convince him by Scripture that it is not ? Nor is it worth ones while to teach him out of other Authors . What confute him neither way ? Why then it seems if he does hold it lawful to rail , he may hold it still if he will for Trans . What art thou doing ? or what would'st thou do ? You say you could quote a place out of my Lord Verulam to his confusion ; why don't you ? It is not that where he distinguishes betwixt Idola Tribus and Idola Specus , is it ? If it be , you are much in the right for forbearing ; for that would explain to us how , though all your Tribe have a large faculty at mistakes and railing ; yet you may have an extraordinary gift that way beyond them all , and a particular cran●y by your self . Now this comes of your crying I know what I know . Therefore pray next time either tell us down right what you would be at , or else — I ●ad suppose the whole Play. But I must shorten a little , and not take notice of every thing , out of tender consideration ( by what I now suffer ) of the patience and pains of my gentle Reader : Otherwise it would be a shorter Penance to injoyn the reading of the whole Book of Martyrs ; then this , of such a one Martyr , as it were an easie thing in every line almost to make of you . But now you will take a walk in the Garden , and gather some of Bayes's flowers : I would not advise you to smell on them though , for they are all Roses , and grow upon that that may chance prick your nostrils , mark else . The first you observe , is that Bayes says , Several of the Non-conformists themselves , if a Chimney but take fire in the City , are immediately crying Iesuits and Firehals : To which you Reply , I understand you , Sir. Why , does Bayes suspect you to be a Iesuit ? I 'le assure you I onely suspect there is one that may be of that Religion , that is a Coxcomb . I don't desire to reflect upon any Societies of men . It is not just nor civil , and besides forein to my Matter , and therefore I would not be so understood ; but , else the World may distinguish if they please betwixt some of that Order , that deserve esteem upon the true account of their Wit ; and others ( if you be one ) that have nothing to shew but a troublesome Industry , and their being indeed — Indefatigable Brambles . So walk on : And next you seem very tender that the people should cry out Iesuits and Popish plots upon accidents : and I say too , God forbid that any man ( be he of what Religion soever ) should be accused wrongfully : But as for any course I see you take to make folks wiser , you had better ( in my opinion ) have passed this Flower by , but perhaps you could not . But whereas you say next ( speaking to the Author ) Take heed the Reasons which sparkle in your your Discourse have not set their Chimneys on fire . I must observe , this is something that is darkly said , and seems to intimate more then my Skill dares attempt the explaining . After this you say , Socinian Books sell as openly as the Bible . Since you an so well versed amongst the Booksellers , Pray what 's the price of an Answer that contains only a Question ? What ne'r a word ? What time of day is it ? Nor that neither . Why , you have not forsworn ever making an Answer to any thing again have you ? Thou art just like the fellow , that when he had told the Senate he saw Iulia ascend to Heaven , Et pro tam bono Nuntio nemo illi credidisset , swore he would never tell any body again for his part , if he saw a man kill'd in the open Market place . However that honest Gentlemen may not be at a loss ; they may please to know , that I never looked after the Rehearsal Transpros'd , till I heard it was come to 18 d. again . I find it very dear ; but if they please to stay a while , I suppose they may have it ●'r long for 2 d. or 3 d. or a Groat at most . The next Flower we come to , is the Termination Ism ; Whereupon you take occasion as cunningly as you can under pretence of Riming to it , first to shew the Church of England is guilty of Schism ; and secondly that those who separate from Her are not . You need not have troubled your self about the former , if your Design be onely Toleration and the latter : For the reasons you bring for this stand upon their own Bases , and borrow not their Strength from Her Example of having first separated from Rome . But , Trans , I smell thee as rank as a Fox ; otherwise I could have spared taking notice of the Church of Rome . The Pope is a Worthy Prince , and lives in Italy , and long may He live and injoy his health at Castle Gundolpho , before ever I 'le begin to disturb him first : But if Cardinal Chigi covets Bansted Mutton , and Colchester Oysters , and can't be contented with Muscadine and Eggs , but must have Mornings Draughts out of our Herefordshire Red-streak and Kentish Pipins ; in this case I must ( like Frier Iohn ) take up Arms for my Vineyard , and if I catch him there ( as sure as his Cap 's made of wool ) I 'le knock him down with a Hop-pole . Therefore pray hence forward let alone my Mistress , for if you come to fooling with Her , I must hedge my Bet , and be revenged ( if I can ) upon your Wife . But to your Arguments , and first to the latter : Your Author Mr. Hales divides his Discourse of Schism ( you say ) into two main Branches ; The Cause of it , and the Occasion of it . The Occasion he again subdivides , but upon the whole upon this Head he asks , Who shall be Iudge ? Now say we ) Let that question be asked not onely of who gives the occasion of Schism , but of who gives the Cause also ; or ( if you please ) of whether it be a Cause or no. You will perhaps find no body but the Magistrate is proper Judge of either . Now ( to do you a Courtesie Trans ) if you think this very same answer be not a sufficient reason to warrant our Separation from Rome also , ( Reserving still like you , that I know what I know ) at this time for shortness sake I will trouble you with no other . And if you had thought good , I might have had your mind in as short a compass as I have told you mine . And so you have indeed ( in less then seven leaves ) proved ( as you say ) that Schism rimes to Ism , and just nothing else . Now , for having undergone this grateful Penance ( He means done the meritorious Act ) of transcribing these Citations , He exults and Cackles like any Hen , that were just come off her Nest after laying ; in so affected a Style and nonsensical Phrase , ( as Masculine Truth , and Falshood deformed by Ornaments ) that his Commendations of Mr. Hales prove more simple , then his Rayling at Bayes ; and the whole Speech worse ( if worse can be ) then that about Additional Civility : and when he has done ( for fear no body should think he could be such a fool ) expresly tells us , He was Serious . Here follows a fond Expression , which it is easie to apprehend the Prefacer used as repeating words of the Persons whom he answered : Yet Trans could not make less then a whole side of it ; but I shall . Next , Welcom poor Macedo : What the Ioke of that is I don't know . Next he undertakes the Patronage of I. O. whose Quarrel ( but a few leaves since ) he said He Interested himself no more in then , if He were John a Nokes , and rayled at by John a Stiles . The meaning was ( it seems ) He cares not for him as of any Religion ; but for him or any body else that will but oppose the Church of England . Now will I nick thee here , Trans , worse then any where in all my Book : For thy business is onely to Foment our unhappy Differences ; and I won't speak one word neither against I. O. nor to that Controversie . How simply do you next sneer at such things for Flowers as are printed in Books in distinct Characters ? Is not your own Book full of them ? A man is put to a hard shift for a conceit , if for having it He must Jeer himself : Then you pursue , ( for you alwaies run on upon any scent ) and bring in , telling us the advantages Booksellers may set out Books withall , as fine paper , large fair Letter , Calves Leather Covers , &c. Though this ( as it happens ) is the onely useful thing your Book teaches ; being very necessary Information for us young Authors , and so truly I thank you Lovingly , and I 'le take a Copy of this . But the word he now finds thus marked in the Preface is Categoricalness . Ism ( it seems ) is lost , but there 's another Rattle for the Child like Sheerness , Dongioness , Innerness , and Cathness : So he falls a Playing with Ness. Now for all your witty Conceit , this does but come from the Nesses , Tudes and Ty's of Malmsbury ( Odi Imitatores ) which have this difference : That they were first His own , secondly New , thirdly Brief . But your's are — another Nation of Tartarians , as you may see in my Cutter of Colemanstreet Transpros'd Pag. the 84th . just at this place . But in pursuance : Bayes having translated Peace , Gal. 5 , &c. into Peaceableness , &c. He asks which of the Systematical , German , Geneva , Orthodox Divines ( Do you understand him beloved , you that are his Brethren ? You see he distinguishes you all from the Orthodox ) nay of the Sober ( here I 'm sure he held his Handkerchief before his face to hide his laughing ) Intelligent , Episcopal Divines could not ( how simple soever you are all ) have taught him better then such Forgery or Ignorance as this ? The reason is plain , for we shall but be laid by the heels if we don't keep the Peace ; but to require Peaceableness of us , is to exact our being really good and worthy men ; and that 's worse then a Penal Law. Here he takes an occasion from the Day of Iudgment 's having been mentioned betwixt I. O. and the Prefacer , ( in which was no occasion to do thus ) to talk himself very lightly of it : Ironically cites Proofs of it out of what he calls the Fanatical Book of Martyrs , and the Scotch History . This Discourse takes up two leaves in him ; but I shall prosecute it no further . Then he comes to Point of Honour , and treats nicely ( taking no notice whom he imitates ) of the Lu : More Quotations out of the Rehearsal ; — They fly , they fly , Who first did give the lie . Truly you are mistaken , thy are onely gone to dinner . Next we come to Symbolicalness ; which you tax the Author for having describ'd in several extravagant fashions : I know not with what Fidelitie you have either collected , or do present them to us . I confess I am no Approver of swelling nor harsh expressions : But whereas you say this Symbolicalness is a flower , nay a flower of the Sun , made at the Cock or Nags-head ; I say 't is pity neither of those houses had the Sun for their Sign , that you might have been i' th' right ▪ But having not , I can see little but that if it be a flower of the Sun , it is the strangest of the kind that ever the Sun saw , for it grows upon a mere imaginary or no ground at all . But Mr. Bayes , or Mr. Thunder , or Mr. Cartwright ; why Mr. Trans , or Mr. Toleration , or Mr. Guy Faux , he is not ashamed to be call'd Player by him that calls Preaching Playing his part : and if you call him as many Names as Philippus , Aureolus , Theophrastus , Paracelsus , Bombast of Hohenheim , he will be still ready to make an answer to Satan , Lucifer , Belzebub , Leviathan , Abaddon . Well , we have now seen the last flower , and so here 's an end of the Garden I think ; wee 'l suppose it at least , De bene esse . The next thing thou tellest us is , that thou hast laboured and moil'd like any poor Philistin in binding up this Sampson with his own words , as fast ( you say ) as such a Proteus could be pinion'd . It seems then you begin to perceive he 's loose again already . He is so ; but the reason ( you Goose ) is , not because he is Proteus , but because your Cords were slight ones , and the Knots slipt . You should have cut off his Beard , and have made a Simarr of it , and then you had had him sure . Well , but Trans fain would do something though ; and let Bayes make more or less of it if he can . Why you have been defying him all this while , have you not ? Are you resolv'd now you can fend no longer , nor prove no longer , nor bind no longer , to threaten him still as you are running away , and part like Borgio : Backward on Goltho many a look he cast , And through his eyes his sparkling anger flam'd . 'T is true no man can hinder you from knowing what you know , and talking to your self however . Well , Your business , Abel ? Princes have always found the Government over Conscience unsafe and unpracticable . Oh , are you come ? Their Right to such a Government stands firm then after all . Then Trans , as for the unsafeness of it , if uncontroulable libertie prove safe , All 's well . But as for its unpracticableness , I beg your pardon for that . Would His Majesty would please to command me any harder matter ; if I did not do it , I 'de nere answer Transprosal more . This next leaf belongs to Ursula , Mol Gifford , and the Father of Lies ; let them ee'n agree together about sharing it amongst them . The Miscellany ends in your saving , Bayes's design was so much too hard for a man , that it would have giddied any Goose. I never heard so much said for the C●●dit of Geese , before : Are Geese brains so much better settled then , then ours ? Let me ask you one question more if you please , for this seems to hint something above common observation . Do you every time you find a knotty place , that is more difficult then ordinary in Bayes's Preface , repair to some Goose or other to help you answer it ? It was proper , and natural I confess , to associate with Geese when you were at the Lake of Lemane , and I suspected nothing then because of the place . And it did not methought look so much like advising or consulting , but onely like padling in a Dish of Tea , or over a Cup of Coffee together : But is it not rather to prepare an excuse for your self against you have occasion , that you make this Comparison ? by which you may make a Grand Thesis for your self too , to wit , That a Goose is the ablest man. From whence you may deduce Corollaries at pleasure , and ( if any bodie excepts against what you say ) prove 't is irrefragable , and all perfect Transprosal ; because no Goose could have done it better . Nay then I 'le help you a little , but it must be by a Quibble : You know I have one with you ; you owe me Colossian Church : So now take one of mine , and then haply we may continue to trade on by Bill of Exchange hereafter . Why the business is , I think , You say nothing to the Prefacer worth a rush ; besides , your book has a puzling Title : therefore now you have proved a Goose is the wisest and most solid thing , I would have you talk no more of a Rehearsal Transpros'd , or go to oppose Animadversions to a late Book , &c. but an Answer , Since though she but hiss , and we can't understand her ; Yet still you 'l have gi'n him a Goose for his Gander . If this ( strictly speaking ) be no Quibble , but a Pun now ; excuse me , for you understand these things better then I : but I am sure it s no Corollary . Now we will pass to the Point you pretend to be most Zealous for , you 〈◊〉 pag. 209. That some of the Nonconformists under the name of symbolical Ceremonies , dispute the Lawfulness of those which are by our Church injoyned ; whereby ( now mark ) say you ) They can only intend that these Ceremonies are so applyed , as if they were of a Sacramental Nature and Institution ; and that therefore they are unlawful . You add further , that the Author's Answerer ( handling this Place ) makes use of a Pertinent passage in St. Austin ; Signa , cum ad res divinas pertinent , Sacramenta vocantur . I don't intend to meddle with any body but your self , for I will not make more holes then I mend : ( Possibly the other Nonconformists and we may come to agree kindly together for all this . ) But Trans my Foe is thy self ; whom you see I shrewdly suspect to care for neither of us . So then , that which I am going to reply to is , your commending that passage in St. Austin as Pertinent to the precedent Matter . Take notice you have first said , The Nonconformists can onely intend our Ceremonies are so applyed as if they were of a Sacramental nature : What you mean by Applyed , you explain where you say , This is it they complain of , that they are imposed upon them with so high a Penalty , &c. and by your Conclusion ; But here I say is their main Exception , that things Indifferent , &c. should be made ( by reason of equal Penalty with neglect of Sacraments ) necessary conditions of Church Communion . So that all the Nonconformists ( in your understanding ) go about to prove , is onely the unreasonableness or unlawfulness of the Penalty . And you your self acknowledge that our Ceremonies are Indifferent things . Now if after all you commend this Text as in order to its proving our Ceremonies to be Sacraments : You give your self the , what i st ? Oh , — The word no flesh can bear . But if you commend it as pertinent to prove the Penalty unlawful , you talk non-sense , for it does not at all concern Matter of Penalty ; and so it is neither way a Pertinent , but an Impertinent passage ; and you might as well have commended the Pertinency of the Cover of St. Austins Book . But your aim ( I see every where ) is but to keep up the Iangle amongst us as long as you can , and ( it seems ) we are not a little distracted already : For there are two Books ( whilst I am now writing ) come out against you ; and the second finds fault with the first : And if there be e're an addle Headed fellow to follow this , ten to one but he picks one hole or another in us all Three ; but men of sense sure will have more Wit , and if they do write , mind their Business . I am come now where the Quotation I meet is certainly one of the Sor●es Virgilianae you speak of , for your own self : — Cum Tot sustineas , & tanta Negotia solus ; for thou seest I leave all ( and will ) upon thy own back . But I must take notice now of your Apologizing here ( as several times you have done before ) for your so often speaking Latine . You being now ( forsooth ) ee'n hardned in it . I must tell you I have sometimes heard men ta●k Latine Pedantically , but you excuse yours so affectedly , that I must say you are the first that ever I saw Pedantically decline speaking it . If your Latine Citations are pertinent , they need not be excused ; if they are not , they can't be . So pray trouble us no more like my Lady would be , with — My breeding hath not been so course — To offend with Pertinacy , ( we do believe it ) — You may believe it , &c. for Latine or no Latine you 'r like to get but little here ; besides , The Plot stands still , and the Grand Thesis is all this while you are Courtesying , taking its pleasure near Lambeth in a Gundalo . This ramble of yours ends in the Author 's knowing it is not always safe nor Honourable to be of a Father's Opinion . You don't mean to bring your Proofs out of St. Thomas , or St Austin do you ? I shall not speak a word ( ex professo ) about their Controversie , who affect in their Worship a simplicity free from all External Circumstances , but such as are Natural or Customary ; which I am now come to , Nempe superba manet Babylon spolianda Troph●is . If you can find any thing formerly said that touches them , either by Implication or Consequence , much good do you : And so you may take me for one of them my self if you please , I am sure you are not that say , they foul St. Austin with their Thumbs , &c. And so I skip both good , bad , and indifferent from this place to your Citation out of Bishop Bramhal ; whose Ashes ( by your leave ) shall not be Consecrated in the Form you do it : As if That which he saw in matter of Doctrine , he would not see in matter of Discipline : No certainly , nor He could not , except his Name had been Cinna ; — Quod non est Cinna videre potest . At last , you wish the Author may not prove An accursed Bay Tree : And He wishes that you may not turn to a Huge Elephant , but — I hope there 's no danger . You are deadly sly in your next Paragraph 〈◊〉 Our Church ( you say ) does piously declare , that Kneeling at the Lords Supper is not for Adoration of those Elements ; and so of the other Ceremonies , &c. But the Romanists ( this is your Roman Emp●re too , Trans , that comes in as often as you well cau ) fr●m whence we have them ( who have Wine from the Canary's , and Plums from Z●●t ) and who said of old , we would come to feed of their meat , as well as eat of their P●rridge , ( Oh! This is the Alteration belike , that you like a Minor Prophet under them , said , You think God has signify'd by what means he will effect ) do offer us here many a fair distinction and Declaration in very weighty matters : To which nevertheless the Conscience of our Church hath not complyed . And thus on . Now I think it is plain enough whose cause you are Pleading , but I will not bind you in such cords as you bound the Prefacer : for I see well enough what hole you will slip out at , if I should charge you here too home . You will but cry like Falstaff , ( when the Prince asked him if he had said he was a Sneak-Cup ) . Did I Bardol ? You can't deny , but you will own nothing . Wherefore passing the rest of your Good morrow's ( which are as many as you could tell how to sum up ) I come to the end , where you innocently conclude ; Which things I do thus sparingly set down , onely to shew the Danger of Inventive Piety . Why truly , Trans , and I will be very civil to you , and ( since you say that 's your sole reason ) I will not deny it . But then I expect you should be so civil to me as to acknowledge that I ( neither ) do not present , and hint these things as absolutely concluding that you are neither Roman Catholick , or Iesuite , or Design Popery ; but onely to shew the danger there may possibly be , of being wheedled and over-reached , and cheated under many a mans pretending to be Consciencious , onely against Cruelty , and for a Brotherly and Christian Tenderness to one another . To your long business about the Clause to the Wednesday Act , and its binding the Conscience or no , I answer , it does not bind as Gods immediate commands do , but it does as He commands us to obey the Magistrate , who hath power to injoyn it . But I find my self run into a World of Seriousness ; who ( as I am a Virgin ) never intended at first to meddle with any thing of you but that which thou would'st have us take to be Wit : But when I find you come to forget : Play with me , but hurt me not : Iest with me , but shame me not . You see what a troublesome Alteration you have brought upon the Company : You might have writ Plays , Governed the Coffeehouse , drunk your Glass of Wine ; nay , more too , and I had ne'r contradicted you : But if you must needs talk of Conscience , cry Conformists have Bull's-heads , and Nonconformists Durty Thumbs , and tire a body's heart out with a Bramble , and the Lake of Lemane : Why 't is as bad as giving us the Que ditez vous ? And I must cry then , Brother George hold my Band ; and At you , if you were as big as Paul's Steeple . Now I begin to grow sick again , for I am looking to see what 's next in thy book . Well , I will not put my self out of humour any more , if troppo imperfetta natura can possibly bear it . Mr. Bayes his Hiccough : Well said ; hast thou any skill in that ? I cannot tell certainly , though I have a shrewd guess what is the cause of it : He 'l poison him by Heaven . You are just as good a Doctor as the Farrier turn'd Physician . Why , is the Circulation of the Hypochondria into the Brain , the usus partium of Mr. Hales's cleer head , and prepared breast , and the Receptacle of Grace or Conscience in the Anatomical Dissection , come to this ? Must he be put in a pit-hole , & have his Ashes consecrated , & all for the Hiccough ? Where 's the Nostrum you kept so close in my L. Bacon ? ne'r a miracle ex vita Sancti Patricii , or Pallas to turn him into a Banques , ( smelling to Bread cures sneezing ) to help the Hiccough ? See , see , good now : May be Spirit of Symbolicalness , or Assa foetida , may bring him again . No remedy ? Well , I 'le besworn you kill'd him : He could never have died of this , but that you broke his heart with answering his Thesis . But since he is gone , Farewell , poor Mac●d● . Let 's see what he has left behind him — This is the Tap-lash of what he said page 110. How ? Sure you mistake : Every body gives Burn'd wine at Funerals . — When the Civil Magistrate takes upon him to determine any particular Forms , &c. What dost thou tell me ( like Mosca ) — Turkey Carpets nine , is pag. 108. pag. 441. pag. 461. and pag. 462. a true Inventory ? Why , here 's nothing bequeath'd but the dominion over the significations of ●●ds , and the King is sole Executor . ●ome , Trans , the truth of it is , He does but make fools of us both all this while ; and I pity thee most , because thou dost not understand it . Does not the King go in Masquerade sometimes ? and is not he then a Turk , or a Spaniard , or Bishop Bramball , or what he please ? Well , now is it not a great deal more to change a man , then to change a word ? Very well then : why now this is the main thing , &c. and that which Bayes ( on his part too ) principally insists upon , that because Masquerade is in fashion in Winter , therefore our Ceremonies are not Symbolical ; and therefore never beat your brains about it : Let Henry the Fourth and Augustus Caesar alone ; for this is a plain Dilemma , ( and say that I told you ) that nere a Popish Independent nor Systematical Iesuit of them both can answer . You may think upon it ; but so much at present for the Universal language . But when he was drawn thus low , did he not think you stand in need of Tilting ? A while since your Style was , This is the taplash of , &c. and that the Blew Iohn of Asher ; ( for the Kings unhoopable-ness , perhaps the Subject might fairly lead a man to the conceit ( without his having ever been a Butler , or something near it ) if not the expression . ) Now you are at drawn low and tilting : and in all these places it is the very matter of your Phansie and Invention . The like vulgar way of conceit I observe about Britches , and Sine cure , and several other places . Well , upon all this whatever you are now , I 'm sure you give one cause to suspect , you have had formerly but really some private Fortune and Education . But still , what manner of wit is there in this ? Bayes had said the King may define the significations of words : You say , When he was drawn thus low , &c. How low ? You and any body may see his Argument is so good , that you dare not so much as cast an eye toward opposing it in carn●st You pour indeed a floud of words upon it ; but they have no more life in them all then so much Tap-lash , or ( as I should say ) then Dead Beer . But He had better have laid by these Argumentations , and imitated the Deacon , &c. Why , you had better have let the Argumentation alone , except you could have refuted it better , and not be altogether Contemptor famae , and thrust your self in at every place that is not teneable . Just like that infortunate Son as Labienus ; — Nunquam Roma fortuna sine i●●o Succubuit . But the Deacon ( you say ) had been much more to the purpose then that beaten Text , Let all things be done decently and in order . Was this the Text he deserv'd Tilting for bringing ? Bring you but as good a one , and let them call it Tilting , or Broaching , you will not fear but it will give those their belly-full that go about to swallow it . Therefore pray call it no more beaten Text , for it is a beating Text , and that every body can see plain enough so long as they are sober . He comes next to — Ratio ultima Cleri ; and makes a very pathetical Speech against Whipping : and if there had been any Isms or Nesses belonging to it , he had done it ( I suppose ) in Rime , and as well as Tom Triplet himself . Prethee who defends this Military part of Religion ? Quis unquam Herculem vituper avit ? Who is Busbys Scholar that rails against his Master now ? But there are men of a fiery nature , which I know not very well , or perhaps I do know , ( and perhaps you don't know ; for we will have it if the last word stands ) that are sometimes preferr'd , and come to the Title of Your Grace : Why , what an Hebrew Iew art thou to rail all this while against the King's giving us the Significations of words , and comest now thy self to tell us , that that signify's in Latine Vestra Clementia ? Therefore leave your prating about a Discerning Prince , for He know's what 's Latine for Your Grace without your telling him . But the softness of the University , the gentleness of Christianity , the Fountain's warbling at Rosamond's Well , and The Winds whispering ( since he was born ) at Shot-over , and The Universal Bridal of Nature ( in which he was Nurtured ; ) should have softned him . Ponite ante oculos : I do not ask onely ( Harry ) where thou spendest thy time , but also in what Company ? For though the Camomil , &c. well : Cedite Romani Scriptores , cedite Graii . for my part , He hath absolutely melted my heart , and I could ee'n weep at so Uncomfortable an Importance , like Sir Roger , for hard Abigail , or Mr. Tall boy for Mrs. Bridget . And you Mr. Bayes , had you lived in the dayes of Augustus Caesar : ( what if he had lived in the dayes of Augustus Caesar , He would not have been an old man by this time , would He ? ) Would not you have made an Excellent Privy Counsellor ? Is that it ? Troth Trans this is a point indeed I never knew before : Would I had liv'd then too my self , if people for living in Augustus Caesar's days , must needs be Privy Counsellor's . But Henry the Fourth took other measures of Government , and accordingly it succeeded with him . ( I doubt you forget your self here Trans ) and His Majesty ( in probability ) will not be so forward to hearken to Bayes his advice , as to follow their Example : How ? Follow Henry the Fourth his Example ? I am no Lawyer to know what it is , or else I should here cry out Treason . But Kings have a shrewd understanding , and so do not think fit to require any thing of their Subjects that is impossible ; ( Marry that 's a shrewd sign of a shrewd understanding , to think nothing fit that is impossible ) and are fain upon all occasions to give the people good words , ( would you would learn that Quality . ) They observe how the Parliament of Poland will be their Kings Taylor ; ( but they I have much ado to take measure of an unlimited Magistrate . ) But though a certain Queen sate down naked upon the Snow , Kings do not approve the Example : ( No sure , a bottle of Wine in Ice is better behalf . ) And you now Mr. Bayes will think these and a hundred more which I could tell you , ( what a deal of rif-raf is in thy poor Noddle ? ) idle Stories ; and yet Kings can tell how to make use of ' em . Why then you are no good Subject that you don't tell 'em all : The King ought to be informed of all that conduces to Publick Good. And hence it is , that in stead of assuming your unhoopable Iurisdiction : ( Why , is all the difference betwixt Kings and their Subjects that they are Tun's of Heidlebergh , and these but Vinegar barrels ? ) the greater their Fortune is , they are content to use the less Extravagancy . Oh horrible ! Did you ever hear the like To conclude all this Categorical , Mechanical , Political , Apodictical Speech with intimating , That Kings are a Company of Extravagant men , onely The greater their power is , they are content to use ( forsooth ) the less Extravagancy . The next Peroration says , that the Pope grants the weak a Dispensation from Lent and Fasting-days ; Ay , and many a thing that strikes deeper in his Religion . And would you have us do as the Pope does ? You know we have our Ceremonies from the Romanists , be careful what you do . You are damn'd without remedy if you conform to them . But here comes the pleasantest thing certainly that ever was pen'd : He says , It would almost Tempt a Prince that is Curious , & pretty well settled , to try ( for Experiment ) whether the pulling one of these Pins out of the Church would make the State Totter or no. I will not say when our Saviour was Tempted to fall down and Worship upon promise of all the Kingdoms in the World , it had been a good Experiment to have try'd and seen whether the Promiser would have been as good as his word . But I am sure it would bring little Credit to Philosophers , if because some Physicians affirm , that a person executed may be recovered to life again , so he ben't quite cold ; I say if any Virtuoso should Hang himself to Try. But if you are for these kind of Experiments in earnest Trans , I wish you may never have a worse Doctor afterwards , then he that cur'd the Hiccough . But Mr. Bayes , there is more in it ; 't is matter of conscience : Well remembred ; and in troth this conscience I fear'd I should have heard no more on 't , for we have not had it in our thought methinks a great while . Why the argument for condesc●●tion to Conscience is a fortiori : If the King never minds what T — says ; and Lords keep off their very Hats but to save a new Periwig ; Will the Clergie onely , & c ? I tell thee they will , they will , Trans ; and therefore thou hadst as good put up thy Pipes , and say nothing to them . But , I say Princes ( so far as I can take the height of things so far above me ) why , thou canst not ; they are Objects neither for a Telescope nor Microscope must needs have other thoughts : Why , and they may have the same too for all the Euclid you pretend to . Yet now he comes to tell us what they think ; That God might have given them other kind of cattel for their Sub●ects ▪ and have made them Supreme Graziers . Supreme Grazier ( by the way ) Friend is Nonsense ; for a Grazier is not a Grazier of Graziers , nor a Shepherd a Shepherd of Shepherds : w●ll , but what do Kings think ? ( I 'le be a Turk for once , and expect Revelations from a man that 's mad . ) That in case their Subjects had been all Beasts , the laziness of that Brutal Magistracy might have been more secure . First , questionless no King in the world ever had so Roving a Head as to Philosophize upon this Notion . And secondly , to think that one Man amongst a whole Country of Beasts , wild and tame , should be more secure for being lazy . I 'le be a Christian again , for I can't believe it . But I am come now to the ingeniousest Argument for Toleration in all thy book ; The Body is in the power of the Mind , so that corporal punishments do never reach the Offender , but the Innocent suffers for the guilty . This is a kind of Transprosal of the Ballad of the Colchester Quaker , where Lay what you can Of Brother Greens outward man , The Saint is uninfected . Why in this case ( because I confess I can't answer it ) I 'le ee'n slink a t'other side the Hedge once like you , and oppose thus ; Anima cujusque est quisq●● . Now if Bayes onely falls upon your bones , he may claw you and taw you , and rub you and sub you , till heart ake , and you can't complain he 's either of a fiery nature , or for sang●inary councils , or that he so much as ever touch'd you ; and so you may take the — Non quod odio habeam , sed quod amem , ( at any time ) with a Spartan Resolution . But now to Case of conscience again . You say the Non conformists say , that they are bound in conscience to act as far as they can ; and for the rest ; to suffer to the utmost . You adde presently , They mean honestly : and on my word 't is well you do so ; for these words in termini● may mean any thing . But Kings have Royal Understandings , and Gentlemens Memories : No doubt of it ; and may they long be preserv'd , I say , and neither of them ever destroy the other . Next comes a wise Descant upon Queen Elizabeths days , and a long Citation out of Bishop Parker . Thou hadst better have left out some of it , and told us what my Lord Bacon said : There had been a great deal less tedeousness in a little of one and a little of t'other ; and how little soever that could have prov'd , I dare say , they would have been both equally to the purpose . But now , ware the Application ; These words do run so directly against the Genius of some m●n : Ay , of all that love short and sweet , &c. Here he does relate how the Church of Rome brought in by Degrees innumerable burthensome , and useless Ceremonies ; ( to do him right ) he seems to tax Her for it ; but for all this , for my part , Mulieri ne credas , ne mortu● quidem . So he very gravely cry'd , The Engish Clergy have been the most eminent for Divinity and Piety since the Reformation ; yet otherwise he laughs both at that and them , and says Printing has brought more mischief to Discipline , then all their Doctrine can make a mends for , &c. But let me keep on in humor : ( 'T is having a care of my self , I am troubled with the Spleen . ) Bayes he says has got the Philosopher's Stone for Rayling : Well , if there be one Philosopher's Stone for Gold , and another for Rayling , would I had them both . But he has taken all the Posts of Rayling : The Posts of Rayling ? Why , he never confuted you with a Cudgel , did he ? but he has bought up all the Ammunition of Rayling , and searched every Corner of the Bible and Don Quixot for Powder . The Prophanest wretch alive would but have said , he had rak●d Hell and skim'd the Devil for it . But to make the Bible a Magazin of the the same Ammunition with Don Quixot , can evince nothing in the Earth , but your ●●ld pretensions , and shew the World ( as you say ) There 's more in 't , 't is matter of Conscience that you write for . I am come now to your handling Bayes his Grouuds for Fears and Iealousies , or ( which it seems you less start at ) his likelyhood or danger of the Return of Popery . Though you have been bountiful , and given Bayes three Names , I see you are clearly for taking away these four words . Thou art in as sad a case about Popery , as the King and no King : if those words Brother and Sister were but away , you two might make a Match . I won't much meddle with disturbing your Nuptials ; but let 's see what Sport shall we have at the Wedding● — Un sinistre Accident ; That 's Ominious , and a Couple of smutty French Verses upon it : Is this your b●est Epithalmium ? I doubt that may be as Ominous too ; for since you will have them Translated , I think they may be properer ( then your way ) done thus : Un sinistra accident , Un Accident sinistre . That she should prove a Wench , a Nonconformist calls a Sister . Good morrow , Mr. Bridegroom , Good morrow . But no sooner Married , but presently grow's Iealous ; but of what think you ? Why lest any body should think Popery is designed indeed , whereupon he falls to taking a World of pains to clear the Point . Take heed ; our Granam's — had a notable saying , That Iealousie is a sign of Love. And there was one told me , that when Epiectetus lin'd his Gown with Fox-skin , He charg'd the Taylor not to let so much as one hair of it be seen on the out-side , for that ( quoth he ) would spoil all . But you us'd to haunt the Ordinary : Come away then , a Merry Tale is worth all : You us'd to haunt the Ordinary , and you play'd at Picquet — Peeces . ( 'T was done like a Gentleman ; and I think it very material that you omitted not to inform us thus particularly . ) A Gentleman of the Robe us'd to go something with you , and look'd in your hand . In fine , you lost your Money ; and so you imagine He gave the Sign . To see what a case you were in when you had lost your Money ! You suspected your friends when you had none near you . Now do I believe rather the Gentleman was your friend ; and onely look'd in your hand ( as we do ) to see if you did not Oversee , and Play a Knave when you should Play a King. However would you forsake the Church for this ? You should rather have forsook the Ordinary ; for 't is a senseless thing for being angry with the Royal Game of Picquet , to turn Nonconformist , and Play at Knave out of Doors . But there was one that robb'd folks near Hampton Court in a Bishops Habit. Prethee Trans : — N'a il pas a Paris des Filoux Et de Mine , & de Taille aussi bonne que vous ? Can the Clergy help that ? or would'st thou have us all strip our selves naked , and sit down in the Snow , lest if we wear any Cloaths Thieves should learn what Habits to Rob in ? Next comes a long Story of Dr. Sibthorp , not a word to the purpose ; for Bayes his Doctrine ( if you would please to understand it ) is not the same with His , nor Manwaring's neither . But thou art more refractory than D●me Plyant , that would not understand the Count when he spoke Spanish ; and if I could speak any , I would tell you so in Spanish ; Carvous non vogliate entendre plano Anglese . Then follows a matter of Eleven leaves more about meer Ragione del non Stat● . How shall I do to crowd in all into five lines ? or rather , how shall I do to finish five good ones out on 't ? Here 's Amunition good store if you talk of Amunition : But 't is all of Rusty Murrious , old Bow 's and Targets . His late Majesty ( he says ) though a Prince of Exquisite understanding ) injoy'd but an Imaginary absolute Government , and but by the Bishops Assignment neither . Here No body was importunate , but the Author was Courteous . The present Clergymen have had ( some of them ) Private Meetings ( he knows not whether in Grubstreet or no ) with the Divines of the other Party , promising to lay by all Animosities ( you must suppose they went in Coaches then , for he told you before , these were the men that would never step one step , but to run things up to Extremity's . ) Yet after , ( to shew how Inveterate a thing those endeavours of Reconcilement , were he says , His Majesty gave Commmission under the Great Seal for a Conference betwixt the two parties , to prepare things for an Accommodation : I have much ado to restrain Troppo imperfetta natura , and canvase no further this Speech of Sc●●o of Mantua . What does not he sc●ap● up ? Commends none for being in the Right upon a Debate , but blames all when any are in the wrong . Cries they preferr'd Manwaring for giving the King all : after accuses them for the persons that constantly obstruct the Kings Parliamentary Supplies . I am weary on 't : Let 's see , I hope our sport is not at at an end ; I 'de fain have a little more of t'other . Well , I know a Lady that would not have her Lacquay chi●d for Swearing , because she said it shewed courage , and his acknowledgment of a Deity . By such a way as this Bayes vindicates himself , and shews he is no Atheist . Puh ; this is no Jest : : this is Abomination . I know a Lady shall dispute the business with you and your Lady too , and that 's Madam Ursula . But thou art grown very dull , Trans , ( I observe ) of late ; thou hast not met the Parson again since at the Ordinary , hast thou ? There was a jovial Ioyner , that haunted the Comb-makers , ( and sure you two could not but know one another ) that when he had lost 30 or 40 pounds , would have light a man home at midnight as merrily for 3 pence , as if he had won both Chaplain , Preface , and all the Books in England . Bear up , Man ; I 'le speak to Mr. Dreyden , and he shall help thee to a Comrade that 's an Artist against the next time ; and you two shall — Top upon ' em . Or is it upon any other score that thou art thus down ? Why if there be Fears and Iealousies of Popery , there 's nobody will take thee for Bellarmine . Bayes distinguishes ( you know ) betwixt the Wealth and the Phanatick ; and so he 'l do too betwixt the Wit and the Papist : and if there be never so many Penal Acts , there 's nobody will meddle with Paul the simple . Besides , who can accuse you for either Preacher or Disputant ? The most they can make of thee is but a Nunti● ; for thou dost indeed mentiri pro patria sufficiently . But , still that Quality is Sacred ; and therefore do you but onely ( as they say at N●●ga●e ) Plead you Rogue as I bid you , and I warrant thee come off jure gentium . Wherefore , since we are now so near , let 's pass Rubicon merrily : for though Moses dissuaded Caesar , yet He does not hinder any of us : and if it were the Hellespont , I hope one might go drink a Pot with Parthenope after so long a Journey . Well , I have lookt to the End , & see it 's in vain to spur , for thou art quite tired , and settest ( in a kind of a hard Trot ) to give us solemnly the Reasons that occasioned thy Writing . Why Trans you must know that we take our selves to have very good reason to suspect that you writ this Book , but one Reason , and that is , for a Reason that was Given you . For it seems to me ( thou goest on so lumpishly every where ) that thou wer't meerly dragg'd to 't , after a much wiser man ( as I am inform'd ) had refused the Imployment . But Madam D' Olonne could not refuse Paget when his Letter argued from so undeniable a Maxim as 2000 Pistols ; and so you condescended at last to talk of Kings and Princes , notwithstanding your private Fortune and Education , and Your Thoughts ( as well as Bayes his ) resolved which way to work themselves , when you saw Arguments produced for it . That were not meerly symbolical . But le' ts see , what are thy Reasons ? First , you were offended at Bayes's Arrogant Style ; since there is nothing ( you say ) in it worth his own taking notice of . Why , Trans , this is the strangest Reason that ever I heard , that it should be pity that a man that writes simply should be so fond as to like his work : I should think rather 't were pity but he should be condemn'd for his pains to the stupidity of never knowing what an Ass he had made himself . So that you and I differ clearly ( though we are both ( I see ) Tender-hearted ) in application of our Charity : For in your case now I am content you should think you have done very well still . Next , His infinite Tautology was burthensome : Marry come up . A small T●●e then about Bishop Bramhal , a Manual of the Letters of the Alphabet , a Parenthesis of seven sides out of Mr. Hales , the old Legend ( twice over ) of Austin the Monk , and the Novel's of Sibthorp and Manwaring , and Manwaring and Sibthorp , I warrant Tire no body . Why thy whole Book consists of nothing but Long Distichs ; though I believe thou wouldst make any man glad of a Seat upon hearing but a Dimeter of thine : Nay thou canst do it in less compass then Impudent Modesty . Your Third reason , is your Exception against him , because All the Variety of his Treat is Pork . Here thou dost abuse the word Variety abominably . Your friend Henry the Fourth would not have pardoned you if you had perswaded him that Chapon Boullis was Variety , and Ven●● would sooner have sworn by Stix when — By Love's sweetest part Variety she swore . Then this , if it must be Castrated into Conformity with your understanding ; nay thou debauchest the very Age too , for thou bringest Love it self , which should be a Divine thing , and the noblest passion of an Heroick mind to meer — Boar beckons Pig●hog wil't thou be mine ? When thou offerest to say , all the Variety of the Treat is Pork . You talk of Bayes's miserableness ? you are more miserable ; for you destroy the very notion of Variety , and so I don't wonder at your being a Iew , &c. by Consequence being offended with Pork . But you add cunningly — You know the Story . Prethee if Bayes himself does know it , what 's that to us ? You have set our mouths a watering , and now you take away the Meat : But though we ben't worthy , methinks you might have had the manners to have told it , that the King at least might know it ; who you say , Can make use of all these things . Therefore pray out with it , and ( since I have as great a Concern for the Ships as you pretend for Galleys ) if you have any more about Beef and Peason , let 's have them too ; for the Pork and they being digested in a convenient Memorial together , ( but I must pen it then , for the Fleet will not have Stowage enough for the very Paper if it be left to thee ) possibly His Majesty may make use of it indeed , and find out some Cheaper way for Victualling the Navy . After this comes Eight Verses out of Gondibert . Treat thee Quoth a ? if ever I Treat thee with Pork , I 'le swear the Hog shall have his Skin on : I see shew thee but Victuals , and thou wil't carry away as much as will serve six men in thy Handkerchief . You object Signing ( in Baptism ) with the Cross is made a necessary Condition of Church Communion ? I believe the reason why you are separated in truth is , because no body dares let you come to their Christning ; and so you uuderstanding the words Astragon , But those that may have more , yet will have less : Wiser then Nature , make her kindness vain ; to be meant of Eating : No marvel if you think his Discourse the better Scheme of Religion . After this he forces himself to talk Relig●ously again : He had almost forgot who he was to be for . On my conscience I might have writ for them as well as thee ; but it would have look'd so like Masculine Truth , and Falshood deformed by Ornaments , that I resolv'd ( like a good man ) to be for Feminine Truth , and set nothing but my own best face upon 't to — win fair Lady . But having been so well paid for his Gibbelineship , he gives them one more Acquittance , ( since the rest will scarce prove a Discharge ) here at the end of his book for their money . Do , good People ; if you have any thing more to be ingross'd , or Petitions to draw , or need any further Instructions how to go on like Fools , here 's one that you shall have very fair dealing with : he 'l keep touch , and receive all you bring him in open Market , though he commit it to never so close a Coffer , or private Till when you are gone . But now I have done : And a pious end thou hast made , ( I 'le say that for thee ) but no body that hop'd to have a Reprieve ever spun out time at last as thou hast done : nay and the Decorum on 't is , he dies too with an Exhortation in his mouth . That people will learn ( by his Example ) to be Angry and Merry . Merry ar't say'st thou ? Methinks thou takest more pains then any Horse : Let any man but look and see how hard thou art set . Why since the Magisterium of the Grand Thesis is gone in Fum● , thou art come to desire to save but any small matter . Though it would but cure the Itch , and so fall'st to tyring if thou can'st at least scrue Bayes his words to purport , but that he made our Saviour a Player . Now Mode and Figure , Enthymeme , Sorites and Corollary . You shall see how ( betwixt two Stools ) he does it . To put on the person of , &c. is Induere Personam ( as sure Trans , as Your Grace is Vestra Clementia . ) Then comes — What part did he Play ? How ? This is a Saltus , ( bona ingenia saltant ; ) you should have proceeded with saying Induere Personam , was to Act ; and ( if any body believed that ) then have ask'd your Question . Come , you had all this out of the Answerer of Salmasius : and your way had been to have transcrib'd the whole side again just as it lay : For I see thou can'st not tell how to apply it . Thou wilt make both all the High Sheriffs and Embassadors in Chris●endom Players , as thou handlest the matter : and in truth , I believe , though they should be angry , they can't chuse but be merry , to see how much in the simplicity of thy heart thou dost it . And now this last strangling for more breath is the way thou would'st persuade us thou art Merry : So to crack'd Pipe and broken Tabor , In Me●riment Clowns Drudge and Labour . Thou hadst much better have let these after drops of thy Manna alone , and all thy reasons too , since we might have possibly took it for some amends if thou hadst onely told us in short — That is as well as I can do . Thou shalt see I 'le do Politickly now , and give no reason , except that I had nothing else to do , and End so . Onely since thou would'st needs bestow a thing like an Epitaph upon the Author , to shew I will not be behindhand with Apollo in Courtesie if you like it , take you this : Here lies Transprosal , That Writ a Book he could not name , And Answered the Prefacer to Bishop Bramhall Without Replying a word . So I pray remember the Thesis , the Thesis , Remember the Thesis , Trans . FINIS . By reason of the Authors being in the Countrey , these Errata have happened . Pag. 21. line 16. read , have two husbands , or else miscarry of his first child . p. 22. l. 12. r. Quibble would be . p. 25. l. 5. abroad r. aboard . p. 27. l. 23. r. cannot bid . p. 29. l. 7. r. Whos 's Honor. p. 32. l. 13. r. Out you Rascal . l. 23. advancement r. advertisement . p. 25. l. 17. r. I did not . p. 36. l. 2. . r. St. Thomas . p. 40. l. 4. r. endless fops . l. 8. after Lycanthropy add , for he believes himself a wolf ; l. 12. r. Auditores . p. 44. l. 12. after onely add , I have heard that so often , and. p. 91. l. 21. r. Anser . p. 99. l. 21. r. either . p. 101. l. 21. after cause of it add , O'ds S'deins ! you have a shrewd guess , and you can't tell the cause of it . p. 119. l. 11. finish r. furnish .