A description of Mr. D-n's funeral a poem. Brown, Thomas, 1663-1704. 1700 Approx. 19 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 7 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A29774 Wing B5058 ESTC R12476 11825140 ocm 11825140 49680 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A29774) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 49680) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 810:16) A description of Mr. D-n's funeral a poem. Brown, Thomas, 1663-1704. The third edition. 11, [1] p. Printed for A. Baldwin ..., London : 1700. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. Advertisement: p. [1] Satirical poem describing Dryden's funeral. Attributed to Thomas Brown. cf. NUC pre-1956. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Dryden, John, 1631-1700 -- Poetry. 2002-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-09 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-10 Chris Scherer Sampled and proofread 2002-10 Chris Scherer Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A DESCRIPTION OF Mr. D — n's FUNERAL A Poem . The Third Edition , with Additions . LONDON , Printed for A. Baldwin in VVarwicklane , M.DCC. Price 6 d. A DESCRIPTION , &c. OF Kings Renown'd and Mighty Bards I write , Some slain by Whores , and others kill'd in Fight ; Some starving liv'd , whilst others were prefer'd ; But all , when dead , are in one place inter'd . A Fabrick stands by Antient Heroes built , Design'd for Holy Use t' atone their Guilt ; Here sacred Urns of Majesty they keep , Here Kings and Poets most profoundly sleep ; Heer Choristers in Hymns their Voices raise , And charm the dreadful Goblins from the Place . Tho throng'd with Tombs , no Specter here is found , They sing the very Devil off the Ground : No Night-Mare dances 'mongst the antient Tombs , Nor sulphurous Incubus dispenses Fumes ; Nor let no subterranean Hag afright My Muse , whilst of the Funeral I write . A Bard there was , who whilome did command , And held the Lawrel in his potent Hand ; He o'er Parnassus bore Imperial Sway , Him all the little Tribes of Bards obey : But Bards and Kings , how e'er approv'd and great , Must stoop at last to the Decrees of Fate . Fate bid him for the stroke of Death prepare , And then remov'd him to the Lord knows where . If to the Living we such Tributes owe , We on the Dead must pious Rites bestow ; To our Assistance all the Wits must call , To grace the Glory of the Funeral . Who is the first appears unto our View , But haughty , proud , imperious M — Who cocks his Chin , and scarce affords a VVord , But looks as big as any Belgick Lord ; In the best Dairies fed , grown sleek and fat , The creeping Mouse is turn'd into a Rat : Of others brows he licks the toilsom Sweat , And by our Sins grows impudently great : As chief of VVits he does himself prefer , And with our Gold bribes ev'ry Flatterer ; But Men of Sense and Honour does despise , And crushes such as would by Virtue rise , VVhilst each lewd Rakehel of the nauseous Town He fills with Coin , and does with Honours crown . The Nation 's VVealth he most profusely spends , But not on such as are the Nation 's Friends ; But such as wrote our Country to inslave , His Kindness follows even to the Grave . He the great Bard at his own Charge Inters , And dying Vice to living VVorth prefers . Some others too in the Affair are join'd , Alike in Morals , and alike in Mind ; But these my Muse must here forbear to name , Scarce worthy Honour , or deserving Fame . The Day is come , and all the VVits must meet From Covent-Garden down to Watling-street ; They all repair to the Physicians Dome , There lies the Corps , and there the Eagles come : No Corps an Entrance has within this Gate , None are admitted here to lie in State , But such as Fate a noted Death has carv'd , A Cutpurse hang'd , or a poor Poet starv'd ; One is anatomiz'd when he is dead . The other in his Life for want of Bread. A Troop of Stationers at first appear'd , And Iacob T — n Captain of the Guard ; Iacob the Muses Midwife , who well knows To ease a lab'ring Muse of Pangs and Throws ; He oft has kept the Infant-Poet warm , Oft lick'd th' unweildy Monster into Form ; Oft do they in high Flights and Raptures swell , Drunk with the Waters of our Iacob's Well . Next these the Play-house Sparks do take their Turn , With such as under Mercury are born , As Poets , Fidlers , Cut-purses , and Whores , Draps of the Playhouse , and of Common-shores ; Pimps , Panders , Bullies , and Eternal Beaux , Fam'd for short VVits , loug VVigs , and gaudy Clothes ; All Sons of Meter tune the Voice in praise , From lofty Strains , to humble Ekes and Ays : The Singing-men and Clarks who charm the Soul , And all the Traders in fa la fa sol : All these the Funeral Obsequies do aid , As younger Brothers of the Rhyming Trade . The tuneful Rabble now together come , They fill with dolesome Sighs the sable Room ; Some groan'd , some sob'd , and some I think there wept , And some got drunk , loll'd down , and snoar'd and slept . Around the Corps in State they wildly press ; In Notes unequal , like Pindarick Verse , Each one does his sad Sentiments express . The Player says , My Friends , we are undone , See here , the Muses best and darling Son Is from us to the blest Elizium gone : What other Poet for us will engage To be the Prop of the declining Stage ? All other Poets are not worth a Louse , There fell the Prop of our once glorious House : But now from us by Fate untimely torn , Leaves the dull Stage a Desart and forlorn . A dismal Sadness in each Face appears ; And such as could not speak , burst out in Tears ▪ His Death , alas ! affected ev'ry Body , And fetcht deep Sighs and Tears from ev'ry Noddy : It much affected every tuneful Ringer , But most of all the jolly Ballad-singer , Who now at a Street's Corner must no more A Play-house Song in equal Numbers roar : Nay , I am told , when he his last Gasp groan'd , The Bel-rope trembl'd and the Organ ton'd : And as great things affect a little thing , This was the Death of many a Fiddle-string . No Chronicles I read of do relate Such a sad Hurricane in Church and State. The charming Songsters at our great S. Paul's Cou'd scarce sing Pray'rs to save their very Souls ; The Boys were dumb ; the Singingmen were wounded , All the whole Choir disabl'd and confounded ; And when the Prayers were ended , alas then The Clark could hardly sob out an Amen . Not a Crowdero at a Bawdy-house , Who us'd in racy Liquors to carouse , But with sad haste unto the Burial ran , Forgets his Tipple , and neglects his Can. With Tag-Rag , Bob-Tail was the Room full fill'd , You 'd think another Babel to be built ; Not more Confusion at St. Batt's fam'd Fair , Or at Guild-Hall for choice of a Lord Mayor . But stay my Muse , the learned G — th appears , He sighing comes , and is half drown'd in Tears ; The famous G — th whom learned Poets call Knight of the Order of the Urinal . He of Apollo learnt his wondrous Skill , He taught him how to sing and how to kill ; For all he sends unto the darksom Grave , He honours also with an Epitaph . He entertain'd the Audience with Oration , Tho very new , yet something out of fashion : But 'cause the Hearers were with Learning blest , He said it in the Language of the Beast : But so pronounc'd , the Sound and Sense agrees , A Country Mouse talks better in a Cheese , Or Iack-at-a pinch , when reeling he repairs To neighb'ring Church to mumble o'er his Pray'rs . The Sense and Wit they say was very good , Tho neither seen , felt , heard , nor understood . Thus we must all , as common Rumour saith , Believe the Doctor by implicit Faith : Next him the Sons of Musick pass along , And murder Horace in confounded Song ; VVhose Monument , more durable than Brass , Is now defac'd by every chanting Ass. No Man at Tyburn , doom'd to take a swinging , VVould stay to hear such miserable Singing , Where all the Beasts of Musick try their Throats , And different Species use their different Notes : Here the Ox bellows , there the Satyr howls ; The Puppies whine , and the bold Mastiff growls ; The Magpys chatter , and the Night-Owls screek ; The old Pigs grunt , and all the young ones squeek : Yet all together make melodious Songs , As Bumpkin Trols to rusty pair of Tongs . Now , now the time is come , the Parson says , And for their Exeunt to the Grave he prays : The Way is long , and Folk the Streets are clogging , Therefore my Friends away , come let 's be jogging . Assist me thou who , clad in Sun-beam VVeeds , Driv'st round the Orb each Day with fiery Steeds ; VVho neither art with Heat nor Cold opprest , Art never weary , tho thou tak'st no rest : Assist me to describe the Cavalcade , VVhat mighty Figure thro the Streets they made . Before the Herse the mourning Hautboys go , And screech a dismal sound of Grief and VVo ; More dismal Notes from Bogtrotters may fall , More dismal Plaints at Irish Funeral . But no such Flood of Tears e'er stopt our Tide Since Charles the Martyr and the Monarch dy'd . The Decency and Order first describe , VVithout regard to either Sex or Tribe . The sable Coaches lead the dismal Van , But by their sides I think few Footmen ran , Nor needed these , the Rabble fill the Streets , And Mob with Mob in great Disorder meets . See next the Coaches how they are accouter'd Both in the inside , eke and on the outward . One pocky Spark , one sound as any Roach , One Poet and two Fidlers in a Coach ; The Play-house Drab , that beats the Beggars Bush , And Bawdy talks , would make an old Whore blush , By every Bully kiss'd , good truth , but such is Now her good Fate to ride with Mrs. Dutchess . Was e'er Immortal Poet thus buffoon'd ? In a long Line of Coaches thus lampoon'd ? A Man with Gout and Stone quite wearied , Would rather live than thus be buried . What greater Plague can Heav'n on Man bestow , Who must with Knaves on Life's dull Journy go ? And when on t' other Shoar he 's landed safe , A Crowd of Fools attend him to the Grave , A Crowd so nauseous , so profusely lewd , VVith all the Vices of the Times endu'd , That Cowley's Marble wept to see the Throng , Old Chaucer laugh'd at their unpolish'd Song , And Spencer thought he once again had seen The Imps attending on his Fairy Queen ; Her little Tib , and Tom , and Mib , and Mab , Come to lament the Death of Poet Squab . But Burying is not all the Rites we owe , Some other Obsequies we must bestow : Must so religious , so profound a VVit , Be toss'd like common Dust into the Pit ? The Fates forbid ! We 'l surely fill the Plains And neighb'ring VVoods with Elegiack Strains : E'en Newgate's Chaplain , who in 's Office fell , Instructing Villains in the way to Hell ; He had the Muses Pass-port on his Herse , His Praises sung in Everlasting Verse . Nay , a Dutch Mastiff late in State did lie ; My Lady's Lap-dog had an Elegy ; And shall not Dr — n have one Oh! Fy , fy ? Yes , say the Oxford and the Cambridg Sparks , We 'll sing his Death as sweet as any Larks ; Oxford and Cambridg , the renowned Schools , Fam'd for a Breed of wise Men and of Fools , VVhere Infant Wits , with water-gruel fed , And little puny sucking Priests are bred ; Where Conjurers employ their Time in Vision , Whence many a Learned Saffold has his Mission ? These always march in Verse in rank and file , In Company pursue Poetick Toil ; Here a Battalion do's in English lead , While one in Latin dos the Troopers head : But such the Wit and Sense , you 'd think the Elves Did only write but just to please themselves : Pl — rd laments that he their Lines bespoke , And swears the Bookseller is almost broke . FINIS . Books sold by A. Baldwin in VVarwicklane . THE Dream . A Poem , addrest to Sir Charles Duncomb . By R. Gold. The Foreigners . A Poem . Part I. A Letter to his Majesty K. William , shewing , 1. The Original Foundation of the English Monarchy . 2. The Means by which it was remov'd from that Foundation . 3. The Expedients by which it has been supported since that Removal . 4. It s present Constitution as to all its integral Parts . 5. The best Means by which its Grandeur may be for ever maintain'd . By the Reverend Mr. Stephens Rector of Sutton in Surrey . A Letter to a Member of Parliament , shewing that a Restraint on the Press is inconsistent with the Protestant Religion , and dangerous to the Liberties of the Nation . A short Account how the Kingdom of Denmark was chang'd from a Popular Government to an Hereditary and Absolute Monarchy , through a Difference betwixt the Lords and Commons . An Answer to a Letter from a Gentleman in the Country , containing seven Queries relating to the present Ministry , and Men in Imployments . 1699. The State of the Navy considered in relation to the Victualling , particularly in the Straits and the West Indies . With some Thoughts on the late Mismanagements of the Admiralty , and a Proposal to prevent the like for the future . 1698. Remarks on the present condition of the Navy , and particularly of the Victualling . In two Parts . The first exploding the Notion of fortifying of Garisons , and proving that the only Security of England consists in a good Fleet. The second containing a Reply to the Observations on the first Part , with a Discourse on the Discipline of the Navy ; shewing that the Abuses of the Seamen are the highest Violation of Magna Charta , and of the Rights and Liberties of English-men . 1699. A Letter to a Member of Parliament concerning Clandestine Trade ; shewing how far the evil Practices at the Custom-house at London tend to the Incouragement of such a Trade . Written by a fair Merchant . A Dialogue between a Director of the New East India Company , and one of the Committee for preparing By-laws : in which those for an impartial Rotation of Directors , and the preventing of Bribes , are particularly debated . Memoirs of Sir Iohn Berkely , containing an Account of his Negotiation with Lieutenant General Cromwel , Commissary General Ireton , and other Officers of the Army , for restoring K. Charles the First to the Exercise of the Government of England . Memoirs of Secret Service . Containing the fullest and most early Discovery , 1. Of the late intended Assassination of his Majesty King William , with the Consultations and Meetings in order thereunto . 2. Of the intended Invasion from France . 3. Of the arrival of the Thoulon Fleet at . Brest . 4. Of a Number of Arms conceal'd in Warwickshire by Sir William Parkyns , which his since lodg'd in the Tower : With other Affairs of great moment . To which is added , A Character of Rob. F — n. By Capt. Matthew Smyth , who kept a private Correspondence for several years with a great Minister of State. Two Pamphlets in vindication of the said Memoirs ; the one in answer to the D. of S's Letter , the other against R. K. Books written against a Standing Army . AN Argument shewing , that a Standing Army is inconsistent with a Free Government , and absolutely destructive to the Constitution of the English Monarchy . In 2 Parts . A Letter from the Author of the Argument against a Standing Army , to the Author of the Ballancing Letter . Some Queries for the better understanding K. Iames's List of 18000 Irish Heroes published at the Savoy , in answer to what had bin , and what should be writ against a Standing Army . A Discourse of Government with relation to Militias . The Militia Reform'd , or an easy Scheme of furnishing England with a constant Land Force , capable to prevent or to subdue any Foreign Power , and to maintain perpetual Quiet at home , without endangering the Publick Liberty . A short History of Standing Armies in England . A Letter to a Member of Parliament concerning Guards and Garisons . A 2 d Letter concerning the four Regiments commonly called Mareeners . The Seaman's Opinion of a Standing Army , in opposition to a Fleet at Sea as the best security of the Kingdom . In a Letter to a Merchant written by a Sailor . The State of the Case , or the Case of the State. A Confutation of a late Pamphlet intituled , A Letter ballancing the Necessity of keeping up a Land Force in times of Peace with the Dangers that may follow on it . Part I. The second Part of the Confutation of the Ballancing Letter ; containing an occasional Discourse in vindication of Magna Charta . In which is shewn , 1. That Magna Charta is much older than K. Iohn . 2. That the Confirmations procured to it in his and Henry the 3 d's Reigns , were far from being gain'd by Rebellion . The whole containing an Historical Account and Defence of the Proceedings of the Barons against those Kings for their open and notorious Violations of Magna Charta , and the English Laws and Liberties .