Choice, chance, and change: or, Conceites in their colours Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? 1606 Approx. 131 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 47 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2008-09 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A68982 STC 3636 ESTC S104711 99840444 99840444 4950 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A68982) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 4950) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1167:14, 1477:12) Choice, chance, and change: or, Conceites in their colours Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? [4], 8, [64] p. [By R. Bradock] for Nathaniell Fosbrooke, and are to be sold at his shop in Paules Churchyard at the signe of the Helmet, Imprinted at London : 1606. By Nicholas Breton. Signatures: [A]² B-K⁴. Running title reads: Choice, chaunce, and change. Identified as STC 5142 on UMI microfilm reel 1167. Reproductions of the originals in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery and the Bodleian Library. Appears at reel 1167 (Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery copy) and at reel 1477 (Bodleian Library copy). Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Imprinted at London for Nathaniell Fosbrooke , and are to be sold at his shop in Pauls Churchyard at the signe of the Helmet . 1606. TO THE READER . IF your choise chaunce to bee good , change it not , if your conceit chance to chuse amisse , allowe it not : If it carry a good colour , and the cloth be naught , esteem it not : but if it be good and you conceite it not , change your humor , but keepe your choise : In briefe , here are conceits of diuerse colours , some in graine and none but will bide the weather : but if you be in loue , here is a lesson for your learning , where you may find passion put to her patience , wit to his whirligigge , the foole to his part , and the better conceite to his best corner : many wild Geese flie in their owne feathers , and a tame duck is a pretie fowle : In som , there is nothing so good but may be mended , nor so ill but may bee well taken : kind fellowes and honest wenches I know will not be angry , and if any man be out of his wits , God send him well into them againe : and so hoping that good conceites , will chuse the best and leaue the worst , I will change kind thankes for kind acceptance , and so rest , as I find cause . Insert these words into the beginning of the eight leafe before the end of the Booke : I could be glad of your fau . &c. A Dialogue , after a friendlie greeting , vpon a sodaine meeting , betweene Arnofilo and Tidero : as they trauailed vpon the way , betwixt Mount Ierkin , and the great City at the foot of the wood , in the long valley . Ar. TIDERO , Well met , of all the men in the world , I would neuer haue thoght to haue seene you in these parts : why ? how many thousand yeeres since I saw you last . Tidero : Not many thousand : what ? am I become a spirite that you wonder at mee ? this is as good as a good yeer on you : how long haue you been away , and how haue you done since yesternight : is a yeere or two such a time of absence , as if one should come out of his graue to maze the world with miracles ? I must confesse I haue beene abroade , and haue seene more then I haue eaten , and drunke more then hath done mee good : but what of that ? all is well that ends well : and therefore hoping that you will leaue your wondering , in honest kindnesse tell me how you doe ? and haue done euer since I saw you ? Ar. Sometime well , and sometime so so : meate whole , but : Tid . But , where is now the old shrug at that wicked but ? an old mezill will haue a misers tricke : if you had bin where I haue bin , and endured that I haue don , you would leaue your shrinking of your shoulder , at the burthen of ease . Ar. Why , but tell me , hast thou been a trauailer ? Tid . I haue walked a little ouer the great water , some ten thousand of miles , and yet haue found the waye home againe . Ar. And for ought I see , thou art welcome home , and no doubt but many of thy friends will be glad to see thee : for my selfe , I am glad euen with all my hart , to see thee so wel . Tid . You are glad of your eiesight , and so I think are many more , that after the common fashion carrye the name of friends , but : Ar. Tush I praye thee , leaue thy But : I doubte thou hast mette with some vnkinde kindred , fained friende , hollowe companion , cogging Rascall , or dogged pesaunte , that hath giuen you a dry salutation , bidden you to a hūgry breakfast , that you are not in full true charity with all the world : But put away melancholie , let the Diuell goe hang himselfe , one honest man is worth a hundred beggers : and for my poore state , thou knowest it : and such as it is , take parte with it : goe home with mee , and staie till I bidde thee goe . I protest I shall bee glad of thee : and for my little wealth , I had rather spend it on such a companion , then leaue it to a sight of Churles : for thou knowest I haue no store of Heires , and therefore I pray thee , bee let vs be merry , and let vs liue togither . Tid . Why how now ? doe you take me for a woman , that you come vpon mee with a ballad , of Come liue with me and be my Loue ; well , losse of time is but ventered ware , and the gaine of repentance , but the greefe of vnderstanding ; but , I will hope the best , that I haue now founde a man , whose breathe is not poisoned . Ar. Poisoned man , God forbid ; but say , where with all doest thou meane ? Tid . With deceit , lying , dissembling , in effect all one kind of poison ; which in these days is as cōmon among men , as painting among women . Ar. Fy vpon it , talke not of it , for my wife she I am sure vseth not the one , and for my self God blesse me from the other : But leaue tricks to trickers , and tell me I pray thee in a word , what hast thou seen in thy trauaile ? Tid . In a word , variety : I can not in one word better expresse the sum of all : for indeed I haue seen much , & much variety in that I haue seene . Ar. As how I pray thee ? Tid . I haue seene the greate water called the Sea , to which compared , the greatest Riuer is but a little Channell , and the greatest flood , except that which was in the time of Noah , is but as a dish of water : the taste of which water is salte : and in this water liue a whole worlde of straunge fishes ; of which I haue seen some very great , some not so great , and some far lesse : but , as vpon the Land , so in the Sea , I saw the great eat vp the little : a Whale would hunt a whole skull of Herings , and swallow down a number of them : The Porpoise would hunt the Samon and the Shad , the Seale would feed vpon the Whiting , but the Whale would take order with a world of small fishes : and so you see vpon the land , among the fowles of the ayr : the Eagle vpon the Phesant or the Poulte : the Faulcon vpon the Mallard , or the Partridge , the Hobby vpon the Larke , and so still the great feede vppon the small ones : so in beasts the Wolfe vpon the sheepe , the dog vpon the hare , the Fox vpon the Lamb , the greater euer makes his pray vpon the lesse : and yet as in birds and beasts , so in fishes haue I obserued , that the sword fish , and the Dolphin will be the death of a Whale : a little Iacke of a Marlin , will be on the neck of a Partridge , and a little dog will put downe a great Beare . Ar. Yea , but they can neuer do it , but when they haue them at aduantage . Tid . That is vnderstood , but they doe so : how euer they catche them at it . Ar. Yea they do indeed , but how they do it , that would be knowne . Tid . It is not for me to looke after , for I will neyther flie into the Ayr to aske the birds , nor diue into the sea , to aske the fishes : nor be a beast on the land , to learne a note of their nature ; and yet there comes much good by them . Ar. As how I pray thee ? Tid . Why when a Whale is wounded , he will runne to the shore , and then the fishermen make much mony of his oyle , when a Marlin killeth a Partridge , the faulconer fares the better , and when the dog pulls downe the Beare , it makes sport for the master of the game . Ar. Thou saist true , but let them alone with their sports , & tell me what els sawest thou at the sea ? Tid . I saw how woodden horses went with the wind , which carried men and Merchandize , ouer the water from one land to another : but sometimes , with a sodaine tempest man & horse ouerthrown vpon a Rock , and the goods all flote or drownd , somtime man , horse and ware through a leake , sink all into the sea : somtime swallowed in a sand , and sometime vpon a sodaine one fall vpon another , and by fire and sword , one or both fall to destruction : these horses were called Shippes , Pinnaces , Hoyes and such like : and let me tell you , as Dauid the Prophet said : he that passeth the deepe seeth the wonders of the Lord : for if I should tell thee what dangers I haue escaped both by sea and land , thou woldest say , I were bound to praise God. Ar. Thou saist well , I haue heard so much of the daungers of the sea , that I care not , if I keepe one foot of Land : but I pray thee tell me a little further of thy trauaile . Tid . I will tell you , at sea I saw none of those toyes that I haue heard fooles talke of , as Mermaides and Sirenes , for they are in deede but fictions : but I saw in a cleer day , a great depth vnder one ship vpon a calm , in a still water , the tops of steeples and old stone walles , which the Sea had swallowed by som great breache ouer the banks of that country : and as I heard afterward in my trauaile , in the drowning of those townes there perished a worlde of people , and no small masse of wealth . Arnofilo . A pittifull Spectacle , and yet we see , when wealth breedeth pride , GOD will send vs a sore plague : but I pray thee proceede , and tell me of thy further Trauaile . Tid . I will : when I first arriued on shore with some other of the Shippe , wherein I made my passage , I beheld the Soile , which was as this is , replenished with grasse , herbs , flowers , and trees , and so forth : and for the Fowles they did fly , the Beastes did feede , and men and woemen did walke and talke as we doe : onely they did vary in their attire , and in theyr language from vs : the poore did for the most part drinke water , and the ritch wine ; the poore fedde most vpon herbes , rootes , course bread , and little flesh : the riche vpon such Cates as the country will yeelde : their cities were faire to the eie , but slight for the substance , their wealth great , but in few mens hands , their lawes stricte , and well obserued ; the Men , neither Pigmeies nor monsters ; their women some fair , some foule : but one thing I noted chiefly in the country , that in euery house the inhabitants had a priuate law in their owne houses , and one neighbour with an other , besides the common lavves of the country . Arnofilo . For those , in that they may bee tedious to thee to recite , I will deferre them till another time : but , I pray thee tell mee something of the priuate lawes among them . Tid . Betvvixt neighbours it vvas one Lavv , that euery man shoulde pay his ovvne house rent , and not to trust vnto his neighbour . Another Law , that euery man should prouide for his owne houshold all things necessary , and not to borrow of his neighbour : another Lawe , that no man should owe his neihbour any thing but compliments : an other was that no man should be bould with his neighbours wife , further then she wold let him , howsoeuer the common Law woulde direct him . No man should slander his neighbours wife , for feare of hurting him , and doing her no good : No man should tell tales , though true , betwixt partie and partie , that might mooue strife , for breaking of peace : No man should denie a kindnesse promised vnto his neighbour , or his wife , least he should grow angry , and shee take thought : No man mighte make hornes at his neighbour , though hee knewe him to bee a cuckolde , for feare of breeding of bate betwixte a Man and his wife : these with many other priuate Lawes , were verie straightly and carefully obserued , betwixt neighbour and neighbour : besides , there is one other that I had forgotten , and that is this , that no man might father his neighbours childe , how soeuer hee had talked with the mother of it , for feare to breede the Fathers vnkindenesse , and the Mothers vndooing . Ar. Prety Lawes , and well noted ; I see there was some good fellowshippe among them , and that they had a care of their businesse : it was well , for without these lawes , knaues and fools might haue done much hurt : what was the punishment to bee layde vppon the offendors in any of these items , or priuate Lawes ? Tid . No open matter of shame , but among themselues he that did offend , according to the nature of his offence was censured ▪ if he wanted wealth , held a poor man , if he wanted wit , a foole : if honesty , a knaue , if kindnesse , a dog : and so though suffered to bee a dweller , yet not esteemed as a neighbour . Ar : Truely good , so it should be , as the world goes : neighbours should be kind one to another , or els there were no neighbourhood : but tell me I pray thee a little of the priuate lawes in eache house . Tid . If a man were maried to a scold , let her work for her liuing , and pray for patience : If a woman were maried to a foole , let him walke to wind yarne , or pick nuts . If a man had a whore to his wife , to think of his own case , and so : to conceale his sorrowe , or to bee rid of his mischiefe : If a woman be maried to an Eunuche , to do somthing to saue his shame from knowledge . No man must goe to market without money , nor to dinner without meate . No man must go to bed till he be sleepy , nor rise till he be awake . No man must looke for money till he haue earned it , nor pay money till he haue it . Many other such lawes , or Items there are agreed vpon , among them , which were but tedious to recite : som of which , I haue forgotten , but these I can well remember . Ar. Prety noted , I thanke thee for them with all my hart : but what punishment is there appointed for the offenders , in any of these agreements ; Tid . I will tel you , he that will liue with a scoulde must be laught at for his labour : Shee that is wife to a fool , liues in suspition of God forbid : Hee that will liue with a whore must wear a greate cap : Shee that is married to an Eunuch muste goe to phisick for the greene sicknes : He that goes to market without mony must come home without meate : Hee that dines without meate , must feed vpon fasting : He that goes to bed til he be sleepy , must lie & tumble till he be weary : and he that riseth ere he be wake must bee held for a mad man. Hee that lookes for mony he knowes not why , must haue it he knowes not when , and hee that will paie it ere hee haue it , muste bee wondered at of all the worlde : Ar. Gramercy good wagge , for thy good noates , pretty laws , and pretty punishments , if tt were worse , it would not bee so well : for Scolds and whores , and fooles and cuckolds would be cut of order for pride , if they were not taken downe with some trick : And to tell a truth , it is requisite that a man shold not bee so lazy as to goe to bed , ere hee bee sleepy , nor so madde as to rise in a dreame : so foolish to goe to market without monye , or so peeuish , as to dine without meat , or so childish , as for to look for mony without desart , and to paie it before hee haue it , why it is a thing impossible : and therfore the Agreements are good , I like them well : pittie but they should be kepte : But I pray thee , tell me a little further of thy trauell , in that country or any other : Tid . I will tell you : for the greate men , I durst not look too greatly at them : for fear their greatnes would haue too greate an eie at my looking ; onely I sawe , they were wel proportioned , strong limmed , manlike faces , wore good cloathes , rode on fat horses , pinched not theire owne bellies , nor were not afraide of a cuppe of wine , kept their cuntries in peace , and liued in a league of greate loue : this was all that I there noted , amonge the greate ones : and for the name of the Countrie , as I heard ; it was called , Terra Straue . Ar. I find it not in the mappe by that name , but t is no matter , on with thy discourse . Tid . For the meaner sort of people , yet not the basest , for those are alikeeuery where : Roges will begge , beggars will not be bashfull , fooles wil crie , and dogs will barke , and therefore let them passe ; but , for the better sort , I found them good fellowes , of what condition soeuer : Male , or female , Learned , or vnlearned , there would none be out , for his hand in a helth , howsoeuer they had fared : the Schollar would dispute vpon none but the full pointe , and the vnlearned by Experience had a carouse , at the highest : Ciuill cariage and fair conditioned , drink , and spende and paie , like right lads and not quarrell , till the cuppe had made a conquest of al the cōpany ; & thē ipse hee qui the which leapte ouer the hedge , and fel in the ditch , A , B , C , non habet P : how rousts the henne when the cock is a sleep : t is twelue a clock , and god giue you good night : Ar. But is it possible , was ther such good good fellowship ? much good do their hearts , and yet t is pitty ther was not more dauncing and lesse drinke : for then their heeles might haue held vp their heads , and their waies might haue been fit for a better worke : but so long , as they went all one waie , I like the better of their trauell . Tid . Oh sir : a little nap makes them as fresh as if they had neuer been salted : and daunce and sing , and if need bee a better thinge : tushe they are a gallant people , the men were good musitians , and there wenches would sing excellently : but for that I had no long time to tary there , I could not obserue much more then I haue told you : and therefore if the time wil giue vs leaue , I will tell you what I saw in an other countrie , which I next fell vpon . Ar. I praie thee doe , thou canst not please mee better . Tid . I will tell you : crossing but a little riuer , and it was ouer a short narrow stone bridge , I fell into a Country that had another name , which mighte well be : for in many things me thoughte it differed in nature . Ar. As how ? I praie thee tell me . Tid . First for the soyle it was more full of sand , and Dust , and not so fair and fat , as the neighbour country , yet had it no lack of wood , nor Corne nor fruite : For the country people , I meane the meanest sort fed much of garden commodities ; which with helpe of a little oyle , and scarce sweet butter , made them dishes of meat fit for their stomackes : and their drinke was moste either vpon plaine water of the brooke , or vpon Apple water , otherwise called Sider which which was in a manner their wine : their villages large and their houses strong , though nothing stately : the people most plaine without welt or guarde , or almoste wit or vnderstanding , more then to know their owne , the way to the Church and the field , and the Taphouse if there were any in the Towne , the way to the Market and home againe ; to plough , and plant , and sowe , and reape , to thrash and grind , to make hard bread and eat it with strong teeth , to make Loue illfauouredly and to get children to furnish the parish : these were the main points of their conditions : for to talke of more then a Codshead , would trouble a fisherman , the shephearde more then of a sheepshead , nor the ploweman further then his tillage ▪ nor the Butcher more then his Bullock : for if you did goe any further , you did but trouble their capacities : but for those matters you should hear them talke so sauourly , that if you did want witt to consider how soone those small Cunnings woulde bee learned , you would haue been buried in a dungheape , ere you could get out of the cleane : oh how the fisherman would discourse of his angle , his line , his cork , his lead , his bait , his net , his grinne , his leape , his weere , and I know not what ; his obseruing of time day and night , his patience to attend , his crafte in drawing his baite along the streame , his dressing of his baite to drawe the fish to it , his playing with the fish when he hadde him , his hoising of him out of the water , and then what a messe or meate he could make of him , although perhappes it prooued all but a Gudgin : but if it were a Codshead , his lippes would bee worth the licking , and in this was his Element , heere was his study , and in these matters of little moment , woulde hee spen d the whole spirit of his vnderstanding . With whome , although it were no greate hurte , for to loose a little time , yet it was some pleasure for to heare him , and besides to noate his kinde of pride in his poore trade . The Sheepheard he would so talke of his Rammes and his Weathers , of his Ewes and his Lambs , his hogs and his sheerlings : the big h●●ne , and the fine wooll , the deepe side , and the broad Ioines : the nature of theyr breed , and of their feed , their washing , their shearing , their marking , their folding , their diseases and their medicines : the Flie and the Scabbe , and how to trimme them , and picke them , and dresse them , and then with a sigh to talke of the Rot , and what a heauy thing it is among them : to be short , if you had time to attend the end of his discourse , there is no Heraulde in searching out and deliuering of a coate of a very greate Antiquity , could weary you more then hee woulde your patience , with a tale of the Petigree of some of his choyce Cattell : for such a Ramme was of such an Ewe , that was bredde in such a grounde , of such a Mans , that had so many Rammes from such a ground , and he that was the Master of such a ground brought som twenty Rammes from such a Country , and withall the owner of those Sheepe had them out of such a Shire , of the best strayne that was in all that Countrey , and they in that Country : came I know not from whence , but and if I woulde hauè stayed for to haue hearde him out , I think that he woulde neuer haue left , till he had come to Iacob , or Laban , or Abell the first Shephearde that euer was , to come to the Straine of his Sheepe : but , I left at a point enough for my learning : for I gathered out of all in briefe , how soon he that had mony might learne to gaine by sheep , though he would not lap himselfe in a sheeps skinne : but , if you should take him out of his element ; then he was gone , and you did his capacity much hurt : for , there was the summe of his worlds paradise : of which he would speake with such a feeling contentment , th●● it were pitty such a spirite should be drawn from his pleasure : but , to be short by the sum of his speeche I gathered in briefe , with mony how to make a good shepheard in a little time : on a hard ground breed small sheepe ; on a fat ground bigger boned : put not the Rams to the Ewes too soon , for feare the Lamb be to forward : looke to them for the Scab , and the flie , least I loose my sheepe , or my sheepe loose her fleece : giue them dry layer , for fear of the rot ; and in lamming time , to take heed of the Fox , the wolfe the Brock , and other vermine : to wash them in fayre weather , not to sheare them till they be dry , and take heede of clipping of their skinnes , for feare of the flie : to put them in good pasture , and haue an eie to them for feare of the theese : many other such kind of matters belong to the care of such a course : but , because I rather desired the knowledge , then the profession of it , I left him to his flock , which God blesse to his holy pleasure , and so an end . Then fell I in with the ploughman , who tolde me such a tale of the nature of the earth , of the choise of his seede , of his first and second tilthe , of his manuring , plowing , sowing , harrowing , reaping , binding , carting , pitching , mowing , threshing , winowing , and fanning : and so putting vp into the Garner for store , or into the sacks for the mill , or the market , with haye Ree , & Who to his horse ; and hum and hah to me with such a garlicke breath , as would haue poisoned a dog : I learned enough in a little time , to serue me for a great while , for though I loue to know any thing , yet God blesse my brains , for my limmes are not not now fit for labour : Age and trauaile , hath giuen them too great a weaknesse , besides the nature of my spirit , that though it hath carried my bodie on the earth yet , hath it euer looked aboue the earth , for my comforte . Ar : I thanke thee for that yet , with all my hearte : and I am not a little glad to heare it : that all the worlde cannot make thee to forget heauen : for it is no little happinesse to see much , & knowe much , and make good vse of all : For , cannot a a man be a fisher , but he must gape like a cods head ? nor bee master of a fewe sheepe , but hee must liue and die in a sheepes coate ? or haue a barn full of corne , but hee muste bee bounde prentise to his flaile ? the miller & his mare may doe well both to carry sackes , but the Maister of them both shoulde not put his wits into a bagge : beleeue me , it is not a little griefe to think how men beefoole themselues , or the deuil bewitches men with folly : why , is it not a myserie to think , howe the breath of one villaine , poysons the heartes of an hundred : When he that trauailes a good subiect , comes home againe a traytor , serues god at home , and the deuill abroad , goes fourthe to gaine honour , and comes home to bee hanged ? are not these pittifull illusions ? well , ha●py art thou that haste been infected with none of these diseases : but tel mee I pray thee , what didst thou further note in the courtes , and cities of that country and other , where thou hast been . Tid . I will : the citties in that country were large , & well builded , for strength more then beauty , for they were most of stone , and couered with a kinde of slate , but many of theyr townes were decaied , their castles , and chief howses , ruinated , as it should seeme , either by some ciuill warres , or some vnciuil Enemy : for the gouernors , they wer men of further matter for theyr wit , thē their aspects , did make promise of : and yet they would knit the browes , look vnder the Eies , stroke downe their beards , nod with their heads , shake vp poore men ; whippe Roges , Rate Beggars , emprison offenders , hang vp theeues and in all they could , seeke to maintaine peace : that was one thing I cheefely noted in their Citties : but for their courts I staied so little a while in them , that I cannot iustly saie any thing in their commendation ; and yet in the contrary I would saie as little , for feere I shoulde wrong them : But in their townes , and citties , I sawe many things and many prettie lawes , and customes among them , which in mine opinion were not vnworthy the noting : The first law was , that no man should marry a faire wench without mony , except hee were rich : for fear of the horne for want of maintenance : Item that no old woman that had wealth and children should marry a young beggar , for feare of wasting her childies goods , and putting her selfe to her patience : No man aged should marry a wench too young , for feare of the curse of contrarietyes . No man should be a stranget to his owne howse , for fear his wife would procue a gossip . No woman should be master of her husband , for feare of the next neighbors riding . No man should bring his horse into a stable , but he should pay for his meat ere he came out . No man should take more then he had warrant for , lest he should answer it at the gallowes . No vintner should mingle water with his wine , except he vvere allovved it by his Company . No Tailor should put more stuffe in a garment , then vvas allowed him for his mesure . No shoemaker should make his shoos to strong , for feare they hold to long . No Tradesman should sell his ware too good cheape , for feare of hinderance to his Trade . No Iester should bee fauoured of the wise , for feare of being more knaue then foole . No Constable should be suffered to be drunk , for feare the vvatchmen should fall asleepe . No Fool should inherit too much land , for fear a knaue should to soone alter the property . He that could get no children should not mary : and she that could not abide a man , should bee set to keepe chickens . No man might haue two vviues , for feare of breeding vnquietnes . No woman might haue two husbands , for feare she should be in loue vvith neither . Many other such idle things there vvere agreed vpon among them ; vvhich for tediousnes I let passe : for being no maters of great moment , it is no great matter for their remembrance , only thus much I remember , that no man should be found drunke in a house , but he should be laid in the streete till he were sober ▪ Ar. Prety items , and good reason for the keeping of them : for as I said before , lack of care among mad people , may be the spoile of a whole market ; it is not meet that men should be perswaded , that the moon is made of a green cheese ; it is a principle in Philosophy : Contraries can not be togither : age and youth can not be in one predicament : Ianuary and May neuer meet togither , but , if age long to be in his graue , youth wil be a good staffe to lead him to it but I mean the crooked cripples , that are not able to looke vp so high as the eie of Venus , with a golden showr will think to come in at the window of her chamber : and therefore such an absurdum should not passe in the schoole of Cupid : though that somtime , for breeding an old Stalian , may be better then a yong Colte . Secondly , he that is a stranger to his wife , is worthy to find her a straggler : and she that is master of her husband , must weare the breeches . Againe , hay is deere , prouender is costly , and horse meate must be paied for , and therefore let trauailers looke to their purses . And for theeues , when they are hanged , honest men thriue the better . For Vintners , Tailers , Shoomakers , and all Tradesmen , pitty but they should liue by their trades . And for a drunken Constable , why he may be the spoile of a watch ; but for fooles and iesters the world is prettly well rid of them , and therfore I say no more to them . But I pray thee go on with thy trauail , and tell me somwhat els that thou hast seen and noted . Tid . I saw somthing that it grieued me to see , and no lesse to remember . I saw in a City or borrough towne , I know not well whether a pitifull sight , An old old , and very very very aged old man , with a most exceeding illfauoured and ougly face , and a much far and a great deale worse body , whose legs were worse then wood , for they would haue stood vpright , which his could not ; with a pair of eies worse then glasse , for they were cleer and his were not : and , with such a breath , as except to the stinke of a rotten toothe , I cannot compare it to any ill sauor in the world . Now this vntimely , misbegotten and accursed borne creature , was ( alas that I should speake it ) maried for his money to a most fayr , sweet , yong , dainty , strait , fine damsell that a man might see in a whole city , oh fine loue that could be betwixt them . Ar. Fy vpon it , what an ouersight was that in the whole parish ? why , the maids or the young men , or some good body or other might haue forbid the banes , or haue taken hir away from him , by the way : was there neuer an Orlando that wold venter a lim for Issabell ? Tid . Yes that there was , for els I feare I should haue spoild the Groome , howsoeuer it woulde after haue faln out with the Bride ; but , to tell you what fell out , vpon a sodaine as this monster of a Man was comming homewards to his owne house , a little from the towne , in a little Lane at the turning of a hedge , were prepared for the purpose tenn gallant Caualieroes , well horsed , and weaponed , and euery way fully appointed for the purpose : put the peasaunte to his palsey , and on a spare horse furnished for the purpose , took the Bride in all her ritche Iewells and costly attire , and farre from that country carried her , from whence he coulde neuer fetch her : for griefe whereof , I meane his rich Chaines of pearls , and iewels , wherewith hee had adorned his worlds idol , he took such a heauines in his hearte , as tumbled his head in his graue : and shee sweet Lady , liued a happy life with a more worthy beloued . Ar. More saist thou ? why lesse worthy could none bee , if he were as thou hast described him : oh cursed pelf , that makes such a Coblatiue couiunction : but this is the fault of many fooles , that , as Iewes doe Moors , sel their children for mony : but the end of thy tale , was better then the beginning , which I was glad to heare : but tell me hast thou such an other ? Tid . Yes that I haue , and much of the same nature , In a country market towne , neare vnto this citty dwelt a woman of great wealth , who being of the yeares of scarce vnderstanding , for shee could hardly goe , with out Leaning , a most hollow eied , wrincled faced , dropping nosed , toothlesse mouthed , slauering lipped , most ill countenanced , worie complexioned , and worse conditioned , crooked , creeping and cripled old woman , fel in loue with a most gallant , neat , handsome , tall , straight and goodly gentleman , who for the only loue of that she had , caste himselfe away , vpon this old Croane : but , though he had a little troubled his conscience , with a little ceremony , the matter far from his hart , finding her humour too much enclined , to the spanish grape , and for want of naturall heat , to drincke much of spirits of wine ▪ & hot waters plied her so with such drinks , as droue her into such a heate , as put her into such a feuer , as carried her quickly to her long home , and left him possessor of all her wealth : Ar. A good bargaine , but ill gotten for such a kindnes , was but a kinde of poyson : but yet , if hee meante not her death , it was no great matter for her sicknes . Tid . Oh no , I haue heard him protest , not for all the world , for had she liued she should haue lacked no cherishing , but for lyeing with her , hee woulde not haue come in bed with her , for hurting her ; for shee was so tender that shee was ready to fal in peeces . Ar. It was done like an honest man , to haue some pitty on her that had so much loued him , I thanke him for it , euery man would not bee so kinde : but on I praye you , haste thou any more of these ? Tid . Not in this nature , but if it may not seeme tedious , I could tel you a merry tale , how I lost my selfe at a wedding . Ar. I praie thee doe . Tid . It was my hap one daie to hear of a great Bridail , or contry wedding , in a pretty village neer vnto a market towne , which solemnity was kept , at the house of one sir Slapsawce , a slouenly knight , that by an vnhappy chaunce came by a title more then hee was worthy of : for hee had nothing in him of a knighte , more then his title , excepte it were , that hee wore spurres and a sworde : for hee was vsed to ride very often to the faires , and to the Market , and they were both guilte and dammasked for feare of wearing out too soone , A satten Ierkin he wore , which was his greate grandfathers , & it was his pride to speak of it in honor of the Antiquitie , beside a brooch in his hat , which was the Bosse of some horse bridle , that hauing beene some pawne to his ancetors , was left to him for a legasie : which beeing set in his hat , would make him shake the head with no small pride : but not to stand too long vpon an idle description , Let it suffice that he was fat , both in belly and purse : dwelte in a faire house , and kept good victuals for his friends which were not many , nor often : but , at feasts , hee would be lusty , brewe good beare , & down with a bullock : and make no spare as long as it woulde last : So now at this time betwixt Maister Ienkin his eldest sonne , and mistris Parnel , his neighbours daughter whose fathers purse made a match with his land , there I say at his house at this bridale feast , was a great meeting of all the gallants of both genders in the Country I omit to tel what charge he saued by the world , of Capons , Chickins , Geese , Lambes , pigs , yea and some Bullocks , brought in by the tennants , with malt and meale , beside Apples plummes and plumm cakes , that there wāted nothing that might be had , so good cheap but all this is nothing to the purpose of that I meane to speak of , for during this time of feasting being in the Summer time , ther wanted no variety of sports , as hunting , hawking Musicke and dauncing , courting , and kissing , and what not , that was necessary : and yet for my self , being brought thither by a friend , I left my selfe I know not how and not being out of a chamber was as it were in a wood , sawe many waies and knewe not which to take : for when I had taken a superficiall view of them all olde and young , faire and foule : men and woemen : I was in such a case , that I knew not which waie to turne mee , for , first touching the men , one hee was so fine at kissing of his hand , as if he did wipe his mouth at euery worde , an other would congey so low that his points had much adoe to holde , so that those were too full of compliments , for my conference , an other hee was so neate , fine , and all so fine , that for fear of tutching his ruffes , displacing his sword pointe , or some such nice kinde of Anoyance , I durst not come too neer him : An other , he was so rude & so buisie with euery bodie , that I was loath to be troubled with him : An other was so eloquent , that I knew not how to talk with him : An other was so dull of vnderstanding , that I had no edge to deale with him , Another so bashfull , that I was loath to make him blush : and another so sawcy ▪ that I was glad to shunne him , and other was so old that I should haue had a Chronicle , to answer him and an other so young , that it was pitty to trouble him : thus among men I could single out no mate : And for the woemen , if one had a good wit , then was her face nothing answerable , so that I coulde rather desire to hear her , then see her : and if an other were faire , then her wit was oute of the waie , so that I mighte rather please mine eie then trouble my tong with her , another if shee were rich , then was she so olde that shee was out of date with mee : an other was so younge , that I was affraid to venter on her : So that , in some , I knewe not how to bestirre mee : either to stand like a spie , to heer , and see , and saie nothing , and to loose time , in talking to idlenes , but to tell you of the graces , and countenances of them all , as well men as woemen ▪ it were a prety Iest to thinke on : if I could remember them all in the right : for the men , one would stand snuffing and spitting , as if he had bin new come from Tabacco : An other would sit shaking of his legs , as though hee were kicking of a dull horse : an other would stand with his armes astrut , like a Scarcrow in a peas-garden , another wold set out his foot to look vpon his new shoostrings : another would frown , as though he were too good for the company , and another bite the lippe , as though he had som pain in his middle finger : one did look as if he woulde whine for an ill looke of his Mistrisse , another stand like a Godson that should be conning of his lesson by heart , one like a foole that was ashamed of good company : and another like a knaue that was a Setter for fooles : so that , afrayd to touche one , come neere an other , trouble one , or bee troubled with another , I left my old Masters to their ha now ha , and the Madcapps to their heidegies , and for a while rather stood to the blame of silence , then would flie the shame of folly : and so leauing euery one to his humor , fell to note the variety of countenances , among the woemen : one would sit mumping , as though teeth would haue much pleasured her : Another nod the head , as though she hadd bin nurtering of youth ; another lere on either side , as a Cat at a mousehole ; another swell with pride , as if she were Mistris of the Haruest cart , another make so many faces , that shee had nere a good one among them ; one would be stretching of her bodies , as if her waste were too streight , another bee putting off and on hir gloues , to shew the rings on her fingers , another stand and sigh as if her heart would haue burst for loue . Ar. Yea marry , that was the wenche I looked for all this while : did not her colour come and go often , and did she not vse little speech , and change the coppy of her countenance , and fiddle much with her fingers , and wag the forepart of her soot and withdraw her selfe from much company ? Tid . She did all this and much more , as somtime laying her hand on her heart , another while stretching her fingers to heare them cracke , as if euery ierke of a ioynt were a husband , and by and by look in her hand , as though she had been tolde of her fortune vnder her middle finger , and then a little shake the head , as if it wer not fully to her mind ; & this wēch did I fall aboord withall ; and for lack of better busines , fell to court her with a few good words . Ar. As how I pray thee : Tid . In this manner : fayr virgin , if it be no trouble to your patience to put you out of your passion , let me intreat you to remoue your melancholy , for it is not agreeable to your complexion : sir quoth she , it may bee you haue made me blush , to think what you would say to me , but if my mind be not in perfect state , I can not take you for a Phisician : yet for your good counsaile I thanke you , and that is all the fee you must looke for . Ar. The wench had some wit , I perceiue by her answer . Tid Wit , yes at will , for this was but the first blowe , but see what followed : Lady quoth I , your fee is too greate , for such a small peece of Phisicke ; but , indeede if that I did but knowe the Nature of your disease , I woulde studye for your cure , and deserue a fee before I woulde take it : but the mynde of sickenesse is vpon so many causes , that the griefe is hard to gesse , without som light from the agrieued : but that known , he is either vnlearned or vnlucky that can minister no cōfort : you say well quoth she , but what if it be known to be cureles , what then is any counsaile without comfort ? Ar. Perilous Ape , I feare it will proue an Vrchin . Tid . Oh no , t is a prety creature , as you will confesse when you heare more : but let me tell you my replie . It may quoth I seem cureles , that may haue helpe , and therefore good words may do good in the nature of a good wil : words quoth she are good when they are wel spoken ; better when they are well meant , & good when they are well taken , and better when they are well returned : but for good will , it is a kind of riddle that simple wits vnderstād not ; for fine wits can so equiuocate , that plain meaning is much abused , where the misbeliefe of good words makes the ouerthrovv of a good mind . Ar. Why how now man , was this a wenche ? Tid . It was a woman at least of woman kind , as fayr a damsell as I thinke liues in the world : but , let me tell you how I went about with my witts to meete a little with her good will. Lady quoth I , good will grounded vpon good cause , may out of a good meaning bring forth good words , which working good effect in agood mind , may vpon a good consideration worke a good conclusion ; Beauty is a good thing to the Eie , vertue to the mind these work a loue in desart , which is good in reason : Novv loue in reason hauing a great povver in nature , may make the riddle easy to be red , wher knowledge vvill not dissemble ignorance . Ar. Well said wag , it was well put to . Tid . No such matter , my fortune vvas yet too far from such a figure ; for , let me tell you her ansvver , and then giue your iudgment . Ar. I pray thee do . Tid . Why Sir quoth she I perceiue you go from one Riddle to another ; knovvledge to dissemble ignorance is for vvisedom to bee hid in folly , vvhich is a strange construction for a weak capacity : if the cause of good will be misconceiued , the good words may then be displaced , and so the matter mistaken the time may be but mispent : Beauty is but a shadow that hath no substāce , where reason may be blinded with illusion , and vertue is so far from nature , that it is not seen but with the eye of grace ; and for Loue it is grown such a lest , that it is rather laughed at then beleeued in the world : therfore where you find beauty , do not flatter it with vertue , till you see it : and for vertue do not amisse conceiue it , least you wrong your self in it , but where in deed you find it , I can not blame you to loue it . Ar. Oh vnhappy the●fe , able to rob reason of his vnderstanding : but I hope thou wouldest not leaue her so . Tid . I think not , for thus I fell vpon a replie : to blame loue were a blot in kindnes , and to yeelde to reason is a bond in wit ▪ to find folly in wisedom is the searche of a deep wit , and to wey words in their true worth , is the proofe of good vnderstāding : but to laugh at loue is no proof of good wil : If therefore the vertue of your spirit in the beauty of your eies hath drawn my hart to loue , will you not be as good as your word , not to blame me for dooïng well : for if reason faile not my conceipte , let me not mooue patience in speaking truth , & let not truth seeme flattery , where vertue hath but her due honoure : so shall the riddle be soone read , whose substance is but your selfe , and the passion best cured wher my humble seruice may be graced : Sir quoth she I hope you wil pardon my weaknes , to entertain your patience with idlenes : for to answere your Argumēts , would require a better Scholar , then my learning : you may iudge amisse and meane well , Complexions and conditions may differ , and I maie beleeue , and be deceiued , when wordes may want their weighte in good will : Loue is a dangerous spirit , and where hee is snared by any subtilty , doth much hurt , where he is taken : If I were so well acquainted with him , as you woulde seeme to bee , it maye be , I shoulde employe him as you woulde , but to leaue ridling , in reason let me tell you this : as I woulde not bee vuthankfull to a straunger : so would I not bee straunge to my selfe , as I can commend your wit , I must haue care of my will , & til I be able to be a friēd , not to admit the entertainmēt of a seruāt ; & therfore , whē you know my disease , hoping you wil be my Phisitiā , I wil follow your counsail ▪ to be as merry as I maie , & hauing no better fee , onely I thank you for your kindnes : Lady quoth I , I am sory , Time admits me not , with your fauour , to deliuer you further my minde , Let it suffice you that I am youres more then I can saye , thoughe I can saie no more , then that I am yours : if occasion in your commaundement may make triall of my trust , I will attend my desart in the hope of your regarde : and so hoping , that loue will bee without daunger , where words carry the true weight : if affection may helpe a passion , let me intreat you to applye my faith to your fancy , and I hope my phisick will doe you good : but since , neither time , nor place doth fitte our further conference , I praie you let me intreat you thus f●re to honour my fortune , as to wear this ring for my sake , a littie hoope of gold , in which was ingraued , Sic fides , so is faith , pure , and without end : which with a blushinge deniall , vpon such importunity , shee tooke and gaue me for a fauour to weare for her sake , a little Cupid of Bugle finely wroght , and written ouer his eyes in black letters : Caecus sictus Amor ; vpon the mutuall receipte of these tokens , with some little shorte congey wee parted , leauing her to her old passion , that I knew not ; or to this newe passion that I had mooued , but yet , founde not , or to smile at my folly , which I doubted not : and so sequestring my selfe from the woemen to chewe the cud of this kindnesse , I fell , or at lest was falen vpon , by a young gallant in shewe , but indeed a companion for a dogge , rather then for any better condition : Yet to bleer the eies of fools he could plaie the knoue with setting on the face of an honest man : this youth in a basket , with a face of Brasse , vpon a little acquaintance ( for a little would serue his turne ) comes to me , with this salutation : by your leaue sir : It seemes you are a straunger in these partes , but if you can awaie with our countrie sports , will you make one at bowles for a rubber or two ? we wil play no great game ( and yet would hee cheat for a shilling : ) No good sir quoth I , I thank you , I am not acquainted with your groūd , & should but pul down a side , & therfore I pray you nowe pardon mee : will you then sir quoth hee haue a reste at Primero , or a game or two at tables : it is the worst thing in the world to stand idle : true sir quoth I , but it is as good be Idle , as ill exercised , and to tell truth , I am no gamster : besides indeede , vnder the shadowe of iesting ; I did not like he should iest awaie my mony : Indeed Sir , to saie the truth you do the better , it is the worst spent mony at plaie , that can bee : for recreation , among good company , a little mony is not ill ventered : but I pray you sir , what news abroad ? hear you nothing from the Court ? nor from beyonde the Seas ? now I knowing his condition , and desirous to bee ridde of his Company , told him , that I heard no late newes from the court , but from beyonde the Seas I heard some letters read , in which I saw no matter of Import ; but one I pray you sir quoth hee ( Rowsing vp his rascall humour ) in hope to hear of some matter for his purpose : let me be holding to hear it , for we in the Country liue so farre off from al good places , that news com to vs like fishes , neuer till it bee stale : and and yet ther too , are we glad of it : why sir quoth I , thus it is ; I read , that there was a notable knaue vnder the shadow of a fool , vsed to great mēs howses , wher with a bold face railing vpon one to please an other , he would abuse both : and euer chiefly following the best cheere , the deepest purses , and shallowest wits , thus somtime with a gull , and otherwhile with a white pigeon , one while with a Gander , an other while with his grey goose , it fell out , that there was diuers mischiefes wrought by his villany : The Chamber maid , was poisoned in her sleep , wherevpon shee fel into a timpany : my young master lost much money at play , and tales went betwixt friendes to set neighbours together by the Eares : with theese , and many other such Trickes , this customer with all his confederates , being founde one daie together , aboute some wicked consultation , were by a generall consent , taken suddenly together , whipte all out of the citty , and banished the Country , vpon pain of death neuer to returne . Is it possible quoth hee strange newes in deede , I thank you for it : wel Sir , you will not walke abroad , I will leaue you for a while , and com to you anon : but I heard no more of him for that time . Ar. It is no matter if you neuer hear more of him , nor any of his condition : for , if there he one honest man of them , he is out of the waie from al his companie , but I praie thee tell me what became of the wench , didst thou see her no more nether ? Tid . Yes that I did , I saw her , I spake with her , and with much adoe obtained fauor at her hand : but if it might not be tedious ▪ I will tell you a little of the circumstance that passed betwixt vs , ere we came to the chief pointe . Ar. Which pointe was that ? the buske pointe , or the gaskin pointe ? Tid . Tush a pinne for those points , our thoughtes were carried in a higher course of contentment : I will tell yow shee was faire , which made me not foolish , she was kinde , which made not me careles , shee was wise , which made not me wilfull , and shee was vertuous , which made not me vnhappy : but , while I thus commend her , I saie nothing of our conference , which was as I will tell you : The next daie beeing fair , & many Ladies , and gentlewomen willing to take the aire , hand in hand , euery one singling out his mistresse , leading them along vpon a fayr green , conuersing as they thought conuenient ; my selfe not willing to bee lefte alone , and moste willing to haue so good a friende , tooke out my Mistrisse by entreaty , to take a little patience with my trouble ; with whome , hauing trod a step or two , I fel aboord with in this manner . Sweet mistris , though idle heads make a fiction of Cupid , yet better Iudging heartes know , that Loue can neuer bee blinded : for the eies of Loue looking into the hearte of vertue , sweare the seruice of Reason , to the honour of Beautye : Seruante quoth shee , ( since you will needes haue it so ) Let mee tell you yet , that there is no golde pure vntill it bee refined , nor any ringe but it hath two endes , till they bee both ioyned in one : so faith is not knowne , till it be prooued , nor endlesse , but in the knot of Loue : But , as it is a greate Arte to refine golde , and no lesse cunning to caste it into a Ring : so is it a greate proofe of Witte , to find out the purenesse of faith ▪ and no lesse happinesse to make vse of it in Loue : but , as good mindes will euer construe good things vnto the best , so for to doubte the worse , is not amisse in the best meaning : Lady quoth I , a causelesse suspition breedes a needelesse iealousie , and where all good is intended , why shoulde any be misconstrued : the refining of gold is in the fire , and the sitting of the Ring in the hande ; so , is the trying of faith in the care of affection , but the knitting of Loue , is in the content of the heart . Where if feare bee a hinderaunce vnto happinesse , reason must want a part of his perfection : In deede quoth she , hope is a prety humour , but it is not alwayes followed with felicity : but for that I would neither hide the Sunne in a cloude , nor make daye light of Mooneshine , I will leaue to your owne discretion to consider , what is best to bee conceiued : and for that , all eyes are not in one head , nor all thoughtes in one heart , let mee intreate you to bee wise for your selfe , and I shall bee the gladder of your vvell dooing : Lady quoth I , I shall do well in nothing , but your gladnesse , neyther shall I bee glad of any thing , but in that you shall well allowe of : for , to be wise in your will , shall stand the happinesse of my witt , and to passe the course of your contentment , shall bee the imperfection of my discretion ; and therefore let eies looke how they liste , and heartes thinke what they list , to your vertue I auowe my loue , and in your Loue be the ioy of my life . Seruant quoth shee , I commaund you then whatsoeuer you see to haue patience , and whatsoeuer you heare to haue silence , vntill the next time that wee meete againe , when you shal heare that shall not greeue you , though not enioy that may content you : and so let vs away , for our company is going in , and I haue spoiled a Goose that I must plucke a feather with : with these good wordes and such like , wee went something fast , vntill we ouertooke our company that were going before vs , and in we went into the parlor , where beeing all set , some fell to cardes , some to Tables , some to playing vppon Instruments of Musique , and some to singing , I placing my selfe somewhat neere vnto my newe Mistrisse , tooke a booke in myne hand , and fell to reading of it , which beeing of the spoile of Troy , scarce had I read three lines of the first lease , but a straunge humorde braine , that had but a little wit in his head , falles in hand with my fair mistris : but , if I should tell you howe shee handled him , it were a tale almost worth the telling . Ar. I praie thee doe for ten to one , if hee were a cappe , she would fit him with a coks combe : Tid . And so shee did , and a bell and a bable to it , or els I am deceiued : for let me tell you , first for his proportion , he was squared out of a timber logge , which was crooked at both ends , and little better in the midst , his face bigge enough , and wanted no nose , and for his lippes they suted his slauer well , his haire of the color of a roane horse , and as hard as the stumpe of a Rubbing brush : and for a beard it was so thick , that it harboured a greate traine of his retinue , his body much after the Barrell , and his legges with the wrong ende vpwardes , yet had this fellow a paire of bootes on , and spurres , that were too long for his heeles : now for his apparrel , had hee been a trauailer , I should haue taken him for some straunge foole , but beeing , as I after heard , a neighbours childe , I found he was a notable gull : Nowe this foole falls to courting of my Mistris , and thus hee comes to her : Mistris are you heere ? I thinke I haue fitted you nowe , am I not in your colours : why quoth shee , you haue so many , that I cannot tell which is mine , if I were a greate Lady , folks would take you for my foole : but I see your trickes well enough ; because you haue many mistresses , you woulde haue coloures for them all ; why , let me see , you have Ashe coloure for one , Oh that is for her that hath the greene sicknesse : and yealow for another , that is for her , that hath the yealow Iaunders , you know who I meane , that was sick for loue of you : and white for an other , that was lately recouered of an Ague , or a worse matter , you know the cause of her sicknesse : and blewe for an other , because she is in a consūption through your vnkindnes : and tawny for an other , you knowe who that was , that painted her selfe , and her coloure was not right : and Carnation for another , who you knowe , is daintilie painted , but for whom is your Crimson ? truly for you mistris : I thought so in earnest , quoth shee ; for I cannot chuse but blush when I see you , and so you wear crimson , for my colour : well when I perceiue I am among your mistresses : but I pray you henceforth leaue me out , for he that is my seruante shall weare no other liuery but mine : who ? I mistris quoth hee : no , though I am not so rich as I would be , I weare no liueries , I can tell you : No , yes said shee , I hard you saie not long since , that one of your mistresses had put the foole vpon you , but you would shake off her livery ▪ why so I haue quoth the good goose , I haue both shakē off her and her liuery : but in truth mistris , but that I haue loued you wel , I could not beare these floutes at your hand : for I hope I am not beholding to you , but t is no matter , they say with brawling and squabling beggars comme still together and so maie wee if you will , why quoth shee , so wee are already methinkes , are wee not mette heere together : But harken vnto mee seruaunre , it seemes by youre gloue , you nowe haue been a hawking , what ? haue you flushed a woodcock ? I heare there was one Iuste in your waie , the last time I saw you : indeede quoth hee it is true , and a vengeance on it , For my Tassel made after it , and went so farre ; that I had like to haue loste him : But you are so full of quibibbles , that I feare you meane knauery : But it is no matter when you haue done your wil , make an end : Oh seruante quoth shee , you forget your selfe , will you nowe bee angry with your mistrisse ? but tell mee I praie you , doe you not sometime vse to hawke at the Iaie and the woodpicker ? Yes quoth hee that I doe , yea but quoth shee not in those cloathes : why mistrisse I pray you quoth hee , doe you thinke I am affraid of my cloathes ? No I am able to buy newe when these are donne , I woulde you shoulde well know it : I knowe it well Seruaunte quoth shee , but I meane an other matter that the Hawke mistaking her game should ( seeing your colours ) Seise vpon your selfe , insteede of a woodcock , a woodpicker I woulde haue saide , well saide mistris , quoth hee , there is an other blowe , but I will beare it as well as I may : but it is no matter I will thinke of it as I haue reason ; yea Seruaunte quoth shee will you take my pepper in your nose , and snuffe at a little mirth ? Naye then I perceiue your prouerb will not holde , wee shall neuer come neerer together then wee are : yes faith good Mistris quoth he , that I will come a little neerer you , when Remoouing his stoole hee sits close by her , and offers to take her by the hande , when she desired him to forbear her , for his hands did so sweate that shee coulde not indure them : speake quoth shee your minde , and I will heare you , but if you will not hold your fingers , I will leaue you : well then mistrisse quoth hee , let mee tell you , you knowe I loue you : if it bee true quoth shoe , I am sorry for it , for I loue not you , I like you , I delighte not in you : but I am sure quoth he , you doe not hate me : bee you assured quoth shee , I will not hate my selfe : I hope qnoth hee , you will not make a foole of me ; I praye you quoth shee , doe not make a foole of your selfe : With this the gentleman began to grow Angrie : when vpon the sodaine , a gentlewoman of the companie , full of wittie conceits came to my mistrisse with these wordes : come cosen , you and your seruaunte neuer meete , but there is some warres ere you part : but come on , let vs leaue this fiddle faddle , and nowe fall to some prettie sport , or other : contente quoth shee withall my heart ; when making of a little rounde , sate ther downe vnder a greate baye windowe in the parlor some fiue coople of vs , and no sewe madde laddes , and wenches at our backes , to heare and note our pastimes : which was as I will tell you , neither purposes , tales , nor Rideles , but a merry iest , that I neuer hearde of before , callen Decorums and Absurdums , euerie one muste shewe his witte , till either the braines were wearie , or the dinner were readie : and thus they beganne . The sharpe witted wenche , whome I often spake of before , was the firste , who thus fell to her businesse : To speake good words to a good vnderstanding , is a decorum in iudgement : to which the next replied : To speake wisely to a foole is an absurdum in Reason : then followed another with this speech ; To answer loue with kindnes is a decorum in Nature : to which the next replied , To bestow loue vnworthily is an absurdum in wit : then followes another , To hope on desart , is a decorum in reason : to whome the next replyed , To be afraide of fortune is an absurdum in iudgement : then came it to my Mistris , who thus deliuered her opinion , To honour wisedom is a decorum in Loue : and then it came to me , who thus made my reply , and not to loue vertue , were an absurdum in humanity : then comes it to our foole , who thus brought out the treasure of his casket , To gather wealth is a decorum in thrift : to which was sodenly replied , To dig in a dunghill is an absurdum in honor , then comes it about again to the first , who thus began againe . To keep promise in kindnesse , is a decorum in loue : to which was replied , To performe an ill vow , is an absurdum in Grace : then followed the next in this manner , To play the foole wisely is a decorum in conceit , to which was replied : To play the wag vnkindly is an absurdum in good manner : then comes it againe to my Mistresse , who thus deliuered her mind , To be constant in loue is a decorum in honor : to which I replied , To be false to honour is an absurdum in Loue : then comes it to the gull , who thus fell to plaine English . To be kind to her seruant were a decorum in my Mistresse : to which a mad wenche replyed , A seruant to be too saucy with his Mistrisse , wer an absurdum in duty : Now as it vvas comming about againe , comes in the seruice for dinner , whereupon we brake off our talke for that time ; but after we had dined , and passed away a little time vvith idle prattle , wee gat our selues togither againe , all sauing the Asse , who for feare of more coales then he could carry , gat himselfe out of doors , vvhere vve neuer looked after him , but fell to a new sport , to answer many words in one : one must propound , and an other answer . Ar. As how ? I pray thee tell me . Tid . You shall heare , the first began thus : If a man labour all the daies of his life , and get nothing till his death , vvhat shal he be thought ? Awn . Vnhappy . Pro. If a vvoman bee kind but vnconstant , vvhat shall she be accounted ? Awn . Vnwise . Pro. If a man deserue vvell of his Mistrisse , and she requite him ill , vvhat shal she be thought ? Awn . Vnkind . Pro. If a virgin be faithfull to her Louer , and he proue a Traitor to her trust , vvhat shall he be called ? Awn . Vngratious . Pro. What is the fairest thing in the vvorld ? Aw . Trueth . Pro. What is the svveetest thought in the mind ? A. Loue Pro. What is the most sure in the vvorld ? Awn . Death . Pro. What the greatest offence in the world ? A. Treasō . Pro. What is the noblest thing in the vvorld ? Aw . Valor Pro. What is most dangerous ? Awn . Trust . Pro. What is most fearful ? Aw Warre . Pro. What most ioyful ? Aw . Peace . Pro. What is most rare ? Aw . Honesty . Pro. What most common ? Aw . Beggery . Pro. What most subtill ? Aw . Wit. Pro. What most kind ? Aw . Will , if it be pleased : oh you are out , quoth all the company , for talking of pleasing : and so with a pleasing laughter the company brake off , and euery one with his Mistris , fell to walking abroad , when my Mistris making one , I had no reason to staye behind ; and therefore to be short , singling our selues from the company , I fell thus into discourse with hir : Mistris , is there any thing more pretious in the mind then the Loue of the heart ? I beseech you answer me in a word : No quoth she I thinke nor ; But quoth I , would you loue that heart , where you found that spirit ? yea , I think I should : but would you beleeue that tongue that did speak from such a heart ? yes , I think I should quoth she ; and will you esteem of that loue , that such a tongue speaks , out of such a heart ? yes , I haue reason for it ; then good Mistris , let your eies in my heart , see the trueth of that loue that can not liue , but in your grace : well Seruant quoth she , I see you would speak well if you could hit on it , oh Mistrisse quoth I , I had rather hit wel then speake of it : wel quoth she , I perceiue you haue learned to turne the point vpon a quarrell : oh but quoth I , I had rather ioine hands vpon a friendship : but when ioyning of hands may cause the breaking of hearts , the conceit quoth she is ill caried : yea but quoth I , when the want of hands breeds the woe of hearts , content is much hindered : oh , but patience ( quoth she ) is an excellent trial of trueth : yea but quoth I delay is the death of delight : yea but quoth she loue is euer constant , so long quoth I as kindnes is comfortable : oh seruant quoth shee , loue sees in absence , nothing qd . I but sorow : oh sir , who wil not watch his hauk shall neuer reclaim her : but quoth I if she be flying she is better on the fist then on the mew : wel , he that wil not pluck for a card , is not worthie of a prime , but qd . I , he that can be flush , may better carrie the rest : wel seruant , I will consider of your discretion , & where honor may be kind , reason wil not be vngrateful : you are a stranger in this coūtry , & yet I heare well of your estate , but giue me leaue to be my selfe , & as I find you wise , continu my good opiniō , which being more then I will speake of , I wil leaue to you to thinke : and so once more let me intreat your silent patience to put off one sutor more : who speaks so by rule that I can hardly answer him by roat : Mistris , let he cariage of my discretion so continue your good opiniō , that the hope of my fortune be in the honor of your fauor , in which let me be whollie yours , or els not be mine own : with this vve brake off our talk for that time , & going in , my Mistris was saluted by a spruse cōpanion that loookt like a letter in print : who with a smoothe Anus coūtenāce , as if he had bin a prologue to a play , with a wink & simper thus begins . Fair Lady , manie fair dayes to the looks of your fair eies : & sir , as manie quiet nights to your troubled brains , to bring your wits in tēper . I read qd . he , in the rule of affection , beauty is loues obiect , loue beauties subiect : but qd . she where simplicity vnderstāds not the proiect , the subtilty may be an abiect . qd . he where reason caries affection it fauours discretion : but qd . she wher wit wāts iudgmēt , wil goes to repētāce for vnderstāding : I but qd . he wher wits wilful reasō wāts in iudgmēt : & qd . she , reason without discresion leads vvit out course : why Mistrisse quoth he , can reason be without discretion ? I haue heard so quoth she , of a scholer in Philosophy , where in searching the secretes of Nature , may be the ouerthrow of reason , which only proceeds from want of discretion : oh but Mistrisse , extreamities exceed the rule of reason , and therefore he is a simple Scholar , that will loose himselfe in finding nothing : and yet quoth she , he that seeks too far may loose himselfe ere he be aware : yea but quoth she , he that gaines more then himselfe , in loosing but himselfe , may thinke well of his profit , what euer be his paines : yea but quoth she , if desire be fed with vaine hope , when the gayne is but losse , what is the issue of such a profite ? Sorrowe quoth he to Reason , but patience to discretion : alas quoth she , all one sence set down in two words , where the griefe of patience is the sorrow of reason : why but Mistrisse quoth he , what is the helpe ? I know not quoth she better then this , I thinke you were better keepe siluer in your purse , then spend it in making of golde . Indeede quoth he you say wel , there be so many All-missers , that Alcumistry is out of credite , and yet it is so pleasing a studie , as sets many good wits a worke ; yea , but then quoth she , if wise men wil be madde , who can helpe their disease ? indeed you say true ; and I think that Loue and Alcumistrie are alike , for when reason affecte●h beauty , and wit honoreth vertue , yet shall fortune giue a blow , that shall breake the necke of both theyr trauailers . He then quoth she that is wise wil shunn it , and a cowarde naturallye will feare it : but I hope you haue wit enough to auoide it : well Mistrisse quoth he , though I scare not the worst , yet since I can not hope the best , you shall see I will not grow mad in the studie of feminine Philosophie : howsoeuer I follow the masculine rules of reason . You do well qnoth shee , for if in the study of the feminine Philosophy , the rules of reasō mistakē make the masculinewit proue folly , it wil proue a very pittifull peece of learning : but since you are com to your Grammer rules , and I an ill Sholer in an Accidens , I pray you pardon my simplicitie if my partes of speech be imperfect : with that the quick witted wench that stood by , and gaue audience to their eloquence , as the Scholer was about to frame his answer , brake it off with these words ; com on Cosen , let vs go to cards , & leaue your Pro & Contra : Master Scholer , you must haue a wife from schoole , if you will win her by learning : Indeed forsooth quoth he , Panpudding is a good dish for a grosse stomack : O sir quoth she , I hope it wil doe well for a scholers commōs : how now Cosen quoth my Mistris , you are euer crossing my friendes , in trueth I loue learning with my heart , though not to read in a booke that I like not : truly Mistris quoth hee , I woulde I had a book to your liking : in deed quoth she so would not I , for I had rather be beholding to you for nothing , then be indebted for a trifle : but quoth she if you pleas , let vs go to som other sports , for it maie be , we haue wearied som of the companie with too much idle talke ; I hope not , but what shal please you and them , I shal bee contented with ; and if I maie be admitted , I wil be readie to make one , com on quoth mistris Madcap , let vs goe to griefes and ioies , let vs sit round ; which soon agreed vpon , we sate round , and thus fell to our businesse . First began my quick wit with these words , what a griefe it is , for a good witte to want mony ? the next followed , what a ioy is , it to be content with a little : then the next ▪ what a grief it is , to be wronged and cannot helpe it , the fourth : what a ioye it is to see the ruine of oppressiō ? an other what grief doth grow by the death of a frind ▪ an other what ioy doth come by the death of an Enemy ? then comes it to the Scholer , what grief doth growe by the pride of beauty ? then to my mistris what ioie doth grow in the preuenting of folly : then to me , what grief to reason ? not to deserue grace : then againe to Madcap , and what ioy hath loue in the secret of fauour ? then an other : what grief to vnkindnes : thē the next , what ioy to cōfort : what grief to ingratitude ? what ioie to kindnes : what grief to falshood ? what ioy to faith ? Oh quoth Madcappe then bring in health & sicknes , & I knowe not what , tush we wil giue ouer this and to some other sports , but look supper is comingin , and therefore we must giue ouer , so for that time we brake off , but what followed after I will tell you . A. I pray thee do , & hartily thank thee for this I haue hard . Tid . After Supper we had some table talk , of diuers idle thinges , amonge other , there was some speech of the natures of despights : wherof one was this : what a spight it is , for a faire sweet wench , to marry a filthy ougly fellowe , another was , what a spight it was to see a horse of seruice drawe in a doung-carte , an other a Hawke to be killed by an owle , another a milk-cowe to be stung by a hedgehog , an other to see a hound coupled with a mastiffe , an other to see a nightingale killed by a cat . another what a spight it is to see good meate , and haue no stomake , and an other , to haue a stomack and wante meate , and an other , to want teeth , and for a woman to want her tonge : at last , one merry fellowe comes out wyth his ierke : what a spight it is for a poore man to be made cuckoulde , by a filthy fellow ? yea quoth Madcap , but it is a greate comforte to a thief , to see his fellows hang with him for company : indeed , quoth an other to liue alone is too much solitarynes , yea quoth an other , and some time a foole mars a play : t is true quoth maddecap it is a spighte a gald lade shold come among good horses : with that the Knight , the master of the house riseth , and calls a hall hoh , Gentlewoemen , and my good frinds , what shal the minstrels stand Idle ? and so forgetting the name of musitians , bid call in the fidlers , and my maisters , euery one to his wench , oh when I was a young mā I could haue beene nimble at this geare : Sonne take your Bride and call in your frinds , and aboute the house , bestirre your stumpes a little , come on : when The wags and the wenches , with the groome and his bride , fell to take hands , and scarce had begun a steppe or two in foure square , I would haue said a quadrant pauen , but in comes a poste for puddings , a messenger from a maske , that deliuered such a speech of the aduenturs of an asse vpon the but of a rams horn , & the dangerous passage oner a puddle of water , that but for the honor of that knight , & trouble of his house , they wold not vndertake for a bushel of wheate , with a deal of trash as was not worth remembrance : somewhat absurdly ere the tale was told , with a drū & bagpipe came such a morice daūce , a maske I would say ther ; but they made fools merry , and themselues sporte , I could saye little in their Commendation , but that for their cost and their cariage , bred and cheese , and a cup of ale , had ben a sufficient banquet for such a company : who hauing daunced , which they did very ilfauouredly , fel to dicing being both Maskers and mummers , when after the rate of nine shillings among eighteene ▪ of them , they fell to plaie , and hauing gotten some ten groates , struck vp the drumm with no little mirth : for , though they cared not for their mony , yet theire gaines would pay for their vizards : and for theire clothes , they were but borrowed of their neighboures : but thus , after they had masked and mummed , away they went , and lefte it by this time , aboute the hower of sleepe , when euery one taking leaue o● the other , my mistris gaue me a kinde good night , which made mee sleepe neuer the worse . Ar. I beleeue thee , but I pray thee , tell mee what followed the next morning . T. I wil tel you ; after some kind of visiō fancie or dream I know not whether , troubled with I knowe not what remembring a lesson that a Lady of worth once gaue mee , that I shoulde not obserue dreames , for that they are but illusions , forbidden in the worde of the most wise , I did what I could , to put them out of my mind , and getting vp something early went abroad into the garden , wishing rather in the daie to behold the liuing Substaunce of my loue , then in the night to be illuded , with the shadow of my delight , whereafter a diuine exercise , in the humble cōtemplation of my spirit , I met ( with wide heauen ) the ioye of my heart , in a worde my mistris , who whether , according to the custome of her good houswifery , in rising early , or whether she vsed the prime of the morning for the time of her deuotion , or that she chose that time for the preicruation of her health , I know not , but there I met her at the corner of a walke with her waiting gentlewoman , who knowing her duty , and loath to displease , fell a little behinde her : nowe my Mistrisse had a booke in her hand , which shutting vppe with a modest smile , shee did thus salute me . Seruante good morrow , what abroade so earlie ? I had thought no bodie had been so earlie a stirrer as my selfe : but I see I am deceiued : mistris quoth I , shall the setuant bee in bed after his Mis ? that wer to much sluggardise : but for your good morrow , many thousand requite you ; A fayre morning ▪ a faire garden , and a faire Lady , fair befall these fair meetings : why how now seruant , quoth she , A faire minde , faire thoughts , and faire wordes ; you should doe well to goe to the faire with such faire wakes : So I doe mistris quoth he , you are the faire that haue boughte me and mine : yea Seruant , haue I all ? what then haue you leaft for your self ? enough quoth I , Grace , and duty , the one to serue , and the other to please : and what quoth shee ? mistris quoth I , in loue and honour ▪ and how quoth shee ? in obedience & patience : As how quoth shee ? I answered , to doe your will , and attend your will : is it possible seruant , quoth shee , that I haue such a power ouer you ? why mistris quoth I is it so strange , that you shoulde haue power ouer your owne ? Ales quoth she , I pitty thy fortune in thy affecting of vnworthines and quoth I , I ioie in my happines to haue sauour in so much honour : oh but my good seruant , if your estate want meane to answer the noblenesse of your mind , a greeuous ioy wil make a miserable passion : yea but Mistrisse , if the content of the minde bee a kingdome in conceite , patience that knowes no pride , makes loue the happinesse of life : but how is reason satisfied , where necessitie is not supplied ? patience in hope finds the comfort of grace : but where time is grieuous , how is loue comfortable ? why though the winter be cold , is not the spring pleasing ▪ yes : but a thin haruest makes a poore farmer : oh Mistris , liues not the Shepheard somtime merier then the Master of the sheepe : and the wench with the milk paile , then the lady of much riches ? Indeed qd . she I haue heard much of the shepheardes & their loues , but whether they be fictions or figures I know not ; but giue me leaue , shall I leaue Lady for Mistris , wealth for want , a court for a cottage , & command for obedience , & all for the hope of loue ? no Mistris , loue makes a cottage a court , where content is a kingdom , and what greater wealth then in the riches of the mind ? for obedience in kindnesse it is the worke of Loue , and to be a worthy mistris , is better then an vnworthy Lady : and therefore let hope bee an assurāce in the perswasion of loue : but who is the worthy Mistris ? she that hath power ouer her selfe : and who the most worthy seruant ? he whom such a Mistris hath entertained : good seruant hurt not thy self , in doing me good ; good Mistris doe mee good in not wishing my hurt : If I should loue , & not liue with you , where is the contēt of your conceit ▪ if I can liue without your loue , let no conceit content me : if I shold fauor you & ouerthrow my fortune , what shal be the reward of my folly ? If your vertue grace my loue , howe much should my seruice honour you ? If the world frowne on mee , who wil helpe me ? If the Heauēs blesse you , who can hurt you ? nowe fie vpon thee seruant , I knowe not what to say to thee : and for that there are company comming , let this in brief suffice thee : so farre as I maie , I doe affect thee , in honor I wil grace thee , haue patience for a time , & it shall be happy for thee : sor though my estate be not much , yet it is in mine owne disposing , and my parents in the Earth , I am at the heauens direction , for my resolution : and therefore , feare not the fruit of thy faith in the hope of my fauoure , for , I am thine , but I pray thee giue me a little leaue , to shake off one suter more : walke by and heare vs , and when he is gon , let him goe for euer ▪ Mistris quoth I , your commaund is a lawe , take your pleasure in any thinge , make mee onely happy in beeing what you will I shall bee ; and with this woorde , taking of her a sober smiling leaue , I stept a little aside , and seeing company comming , left her to entertaine a young gallant , who a little stepping forwardes from his company , saluted my mistris in this manner . Faire Ladie what al a Nimphale ? Blessed be those ▪ Siluane creatures that can enioy the presence of such a goddesse . Peace quoth she , I wil run away rather then make you an idolater , speake not so prophanely , there is no goddesse on earth ▪ and for your Nymphes , they are but poets fictions : pardon mee Lady quoth hee , if I speak vnprobably and Let mee say what I think : how much is this sweet ground sweetned by so sweet a creature ? nothing at all quoth shee , it is your sweet gloues , whose perfume puts downe all the sent of the flowers : Oh how much quoth he , doth your Beautie giue a lustre to the fairest flower vvhen in the Roses of your cheeks maid Flora blushes to see the pure crimson of her best colour ▪ O Sir quoth she , you meane the roses of your shooestrings ; indeede they are of a good Ribbin , and well died I thinke they are in graine : and so is all aboute you , cloath and silke , I see you euer haue the best ; I woulde be loath quoth he to weare the worst , but Ladie . Ar. Tush , I praie thee let him goe with his foolery ; I see it was some noddy , that I doubte not was quickly shaken off . Let me heere what followed betwixt you , and your saire mistris . Tid . I will ; this gallant with a fewe flouts pretily put off , After the company had walked aboute the garden , wee were called in to breakefast , where a bride-cake and a messe of cream , with the helpe of a cold pie , staiied our stomackes well , till dinner : but breakefast done , Madcappe , that was ever busie with inuentions to set our braines aboute something calls vs together , and downe wee must sit in a ring : and fall to yea and no : one must propound , another answere , and the third giue the reason , and propound the next : As thus Madcap began : If you see a fayre wenche , would you not haue her if you could come by her ▪ The second answeres , No ; the third makes the reason : beecause shee maie be more costly then comfortable : nowe hee beginnes ; If you were married to a foule slut , will ye keepe her ? second yea : third because ther is no remedie . If you loue a wenche , and cannot haue her ; will you fret : 2 , no , 3 for loue is full of patience : If you loue your mistris and can enioye her ; will you not bee glad of it ? 2 , yea , 3 or else hee were mad : If your wise make you Cuckold , wil you put her away ? 2 No , third , for shee may be profitable : If your mistris commaund you any thinge , will you disobey it ? 2 yea . 3 , for shee may commaūd him not to loue her , which he cannot . If your friend abuse you , will you not hate him ? a no. 3 for he may do it vnwillingly , and then is to be pardoned : If you come where a faire wench is will you hide your eies , because you wold not see her ? 2. yea : 3 because she may blinde the wit , which is , worse then the eie sight . If your friends get your wife with child , and you cannot , will you be angrie with any of them ? 2 no , 3 for it hides an imperfection . If your mistris haue a fine wit , and your wife , but a plaine vnderstanding , will you loue her better then your wife ? 2 , no. 3 for that witte that will rule a wife will not please a Mistris If your mis . be kind & your wife dogged : wil you loue your mis . better then your wife ? 2 yea . third for , there is cōsort in kindnes , but ther is none in doggednes . If your husband be a fool , and your friend be wise , wil you loue your frind best : 2 yea . 3. for a fool is butthe trouble of vvit : but , quoth mad cappe , let me aske you one thing , what is most likest a halfe moone ? 2 a Romain C. 3 , because it is sharp at both ends ; wel quoth an other but what is like to loue ? second nothing , third because quoth Maddecappe , there is no such thinge there is bargaining and selling ; looking and telling , lust and folly , commanding & obeying , marying & getting of Children , the sous monie must marry the daughter , and the widows purse , marry her yonger son : this must be done , & that must be done , friends must talk , & folks must meet , the Banes must be asked , the Church must be paid , the guests must be bidden , the dinner must bee eaten , the minstrels must play , the youth must dance , & the Bride must blush , and the Groom must make a leg , and gloues must be worn , and the cakes must be set vp , and the night grows late , and you must get you to bed , and here is a stir : but for loue , alas , where is he all this while ▪ god knows and not I : for old folks cannot , yonger folks do not , wise folks will not , and as for fools , let them whistle , I wil not com to them : but quoth she , now we are out of our yeas and noes , and therefore let vs all to some other sport , when sodenly comes in sir Swadd the old knight in stead of a gentleman , an hee no naye must haue a dance : fie for shame , come come , to morrow is the last day I tell you , and therefore bee liuely & nimble , and haue abowt with these guirles : when to satisfie the olde huddle wee called for the musique , and passed the time in dancing till dinner ; which done , Ar. Yea that I would learne ? what follow d after dinner ; Tid . After dinner we fell to such table talk , as was thoght best fitting to the company ; one descrying of a parasite by soothing of errors , another girding at a pandar by his brazen face , and his intelligence of leue : another commending beautye to bee a foile vnto vertue , another the honour of wit in the guiding of loue , another what difference was betwixt valour and fury , an other of the plague of loue in the solly of iealousie , another out of his epicurious humor , made a kinde of oration in the praise of a goose pie , and one of Bacchus sworn men , could talke of nothing but of a cup of wine , the scholar commended learning , because it was the Mistris of Art : and another experience , for that it was the labor of reason : Madcap commended a fool , because he could take no thought , but my Mistrisse a wise man for consideration of all natures , and I my Mistris for her wisedom in iudgement . Ar. I thought where I should haue you , but what proceeded ? Tid . I will tell you , as we were going on with our opinions vpon such points , as we were to talke of , came in certaine strangers , for the entertainment of whom , we rose from the table , and after a little ordinary courtesie , leauing euery one to his friend or his Mistrisse , I with my mistris tooke a turne in the garden , where in very much kindnes , we fell to this conference : Seruant quoth my Mistris , to feed you with vaine hopes might argue much indiscretion in my cariage , & so breed som tuch in my reputation , and not to regard your worthines , might be a disgrace to mine vnderstanding : & therfore if you can conceiue me right , you shal do your self no wrong : mistris qd . I far be it from my good , to wish your hurt : do with me what you wil , for I am but as you wil : your direction shall be my course in the due care of your commademēt : my hopes cannot be vain that feed on the honor of your vertue , & in your regard of my vnworthines , shall be the height of my worlds happines : well seruant , I will now altar your Title , for you haue made a conquest of your Mistris , and therefore must now be called my master : & therfore now master , since your seruant hath no doubt of your honorable emploiment , let me see to what good office you will preferre the care of my seruice : oh Mistris quoth I , I can not so soone forget my duetie , but yet to satisfie your will , I will thus far take your fauour : that since you will bee at my commaund , I command you the office of a most kind and true friend ; that you will in your loue commaund my life , in your wisedome aduise my will , and so frame my affection to your discretion , that my heart beeing in your hands , you may worke it to your pleasure : and therefore since the effecting of my felicity resteth onlie in your fauour ; in the title of a friend , carie all things to your contentment : wel seruant quoth she , in your humblenes I see such noblenes , that were I a Princesse , you should be no beggar : but as I am , let this suffice for thy comfort : That I haue often seen thee , desired to know thee ▪ heard well of thee , and now haue seene that in thee : that wherein I can honour thee , bee sure I wil not faile thee : and in token of that trueth that shall neuer deceiue thee , with the loue of my heart , my hand heere I giue thee : but to bleare the eies of aduersaries to our fortunes , if discontentments should be taken , let vs go in as friends , and remaine louers , it shall not be long before you shall heare of me to your comfort : with this speeche being rauished , as one founding in delight , as a full hart could speake , I made her this answer : to your hand I giue my heart , with a more happy then worthie hand , your sight of me was my blisse , your speeche to me my comfort , your regard of me my honour , and your fauor my felicitie : but for your loue , what a ioie it is to my life , I shall leaue it to your better iudgement then my speeche : and therefore if I passe a point of your direction , let me lose the dial of my comfort . With which words we went in , and seeming more strange then before : after manie pleasing passages among the merrie company , the next daye b●●ing the breaking vpp of the feast , till the next time of our meeting , wee tooke a kind of strange leaue eache one of other . Ar. But tell me , what followed ? now she was Lady of thy hart , how camest thou to be Lord of her house ? or what was the issue of thy fortune ? Tid . Good I assure you , but yet came news of , as you shall heare : within few daies after my comming home to my lodging where I laie in a Citie , not far distante from her habitation , which I had before acquainted her with : sodenlie in a morning comes a letter vnto me by a footman brought me from my Mistrisse , the superscription wherof was this . To my assured louing friend Tidero , with speed : The contents whereof were in brief as followeth . As a friend I request you , as a Seruant I command you , and as a Master I entreate you , without answer of excuse , presently to make your appearāce at my house , there to vnderstand what shall happen , much is conceiued by a little , in which I rest . Yours as you know , Lamina . I thanked the messenger , and with as much speede as I could , returned him with this answer . To my best and onely beloued friende , the Lady Lamina . FAir Mistrisse , kind seruant , and deere friend , excuse shall be abuse , where there is possibilitie of performance : If I could flie , I woulde vse wings for wordes : in the assuraunce , of my happines , ioyful of what shal happen : so til I come , comming I rest , in the loue a seruant , your kinde master , and euer bounden friende : Tidero . This letter was no sooner sealed vp and sent awaie , but I hasted all I could to be at the heeles of it , ere it came at home , but it was receiued , perused , and tricks Inuented , and put in practise , and all er●l coulde come there : where with such attendants as I thought fit . I was entertained at the gate , with a young damsell , very beautiful , ritchlie attired , and Eloquently spoken , who after the passage of ordinarie curteous demeanour , leading me along a base Court into a Gardame , and so a gallary , fell by the waie to court me with these wordes . Sir : my cosen the Ladie of this house , hath this daie performed a kind part with me : I praye you pardon me , if in the passion of Loue , I passe the care of modesty : Shee hath but supplied my place , and for mee hath pleaded in your affectiō : she hath told me of your worthynes , and I hope hath made you hers , whom before you knew her was wholly yours : I know you wise and honourable , and therefore hope you will no lesse conceale my disgrace , then deuise my comforte : Shee is gon from hence , and left me heere for that purpose : what you see , howse , land , or wealth , whatsoeuer , is at my will , and in your will at my commaund , be pleased therefore I beseech you with my suite , and work not my ruine in youre deniall : for in the one you maie haue both a seruāt , and a friend , in the other , a stranger and an Enemie : Lady quoth I , if I could be false to fauour , but faith feares no fortune , my resolution beeing setled in the fixing of affection , I will rather haue patience with the vnkindnes of a friend , then deserue the rage of an enemy : It is nether house , lād , nor wealth that can corrupt me , beauty nor words that can bewich me , nor the threats of fortune that can affright mee : Lamia is the day light of my loue , let the starrs giue their light where they list : to her haue I auowed my seruice , and in her loue will I run the course of my life : this one honor for her sake I will doe you , bury your words in obliuion , and take leaue to returne to my discomforte : no quoth the Lady that must not bee , here is nothing intended you but pleasure : and therefore feare nothing may befall you , your horses are stabled , your seruants shall be merry , and their Master not malcontent : returne you must not , till you heare from your Mistrisse , for such was her commaund , and therefore I pray you haue patience : my mistrisse apparelled like a young man but with a Periwigge , and a false Bearde , comes vppon the soddaine as wee were entering into the greate Chamber , and presentes mee with a Letter from my Mistrisse , the superscription in this manner : To my trusty seruant , my louing Master , and approoued friend Tidero with speede : pardon mee to perswade you to that may perhappes displease you , to lacke my presence for your better benefite : for I leaue you a hearte that deerelie loues you , and a hand of honour , I saie , that in her fauoure maie grace you , shee is another , and not my selfe , beleeue her , trust her , and Loue her , and I will thanke you for her , for her seruant is my friend , consider of these contents , and in her command make my contentment ; so till I see you , which shall be I know not when , in hope of your kindnes to my friend , I will rest euer . Your very louing friend , Lamia . This Letter when I had read , and knew it to bee her hand , what tricke soeuer was in her head , I presently tooke a pen and inke and returned the messenger with this answer . To my gratious Mistris , my louing seruant and faithfull friend the Lady Lamia with speede . LAdy , is it the part of a friend to perswade falshood in Loue ? your presence is the Sun of my daylight , & your absence the darknes of delight . I seeke no benefite but your loue , nor can loue other then your only selfe ; disgrace be all worlds grace but in your eies , nor will I honour a heart but in your hands ; your self vvithout an other I serue , and you only and no other can I loue : and therefore hovvsoeuer you account of a friend , I vvill neuer be false to my affection , & so till I see you , vvhich if it be neuer , yet vvhile you liue vvill I loue you euer ; and so rest . Your faithfull friend Tidero . This letter sealed & deliuered , avvay goes the messenger , vvhispering vvith the yong Lady a vvord or two , to entertain me with a little talke , till shee were gotten in , and new attired , which was not long a dooing : for by the time that we had heard a little musique of a prettie lad that did plaie vpon a base violl and sing to it : the song was scarce ended , but in comes my loue , my Mistrisse attired like a horse woman , that had bin new dismounted , and with a prety smile after shee had saluted many , at last comes to me , with what ? Friend , in truth you are welcom : did you not receiue a letter from me ? yes good friend quoth I a couple : In deed friend quoth she you are beholding to me , for had it not bin discurtesie to bid a friende to dinner , and not giue him entertainment , I had not come againe so soone : but if I had not com , you should haue had no great cause to mislike of your company : but I hope it is wel , in trueth you are welcom , you shall stay with me to night , to morrow go as soon as you wil ; good friend quoth I , I thank you , you shall command a greater matter in my seruice : So after a few complimēts we sate down to dinner , where there wanted no part of comfort that might be found in Table kindnes ; as welcome , caruing and drinking , and so forth . But after dinner was done , Ar. Yea now you com to the matter that I long to heare of . Tid . I will tell you ; after the cloath was taken away , my Mistris began to entertain the company vvith these vvords . In generall hoh , you are all vvelcome ; you that come from a feast can better beare vvith a lesse pittāce but vvhat lacks in meat , let vs fill out in mirth ; and first quoth she to her Page : Sirra take your viole and plaie , and sing the song that was taught you of Loue , which commanded , was soon obeied , and thus performed : the Boy taking his instrument , fell to play & sing this ditty , which I will recite vnto you : for I got it out of his book . Of all Conceites which is the best ? Loue. Yet what is that is thought a iest ? Loue. What thought is that giues smallest rest ? Loue. Yet in the end makes reason blest ? Loue. What wound is that is hardly healed ? Loue. What deed is that is surest sealed ? Loue. What thought is sweetest best concealed ? Loue. What comfort kindest best reuealed ? Loue. What word is sweetest to be heard ? Loue. What soundly made can not be mard ? Loue. What seruice merits most reward ? Loue. What grace is worthy most regard ? Loue. What Loue most constant in a friend ? Where Loue is louely without end ? Well said Boie quoth she , now goe your waies to dinner : Let vs alone , and now my masters quoth she , doe but imagine ye are at a Bridall , and let vs bee as merrie as we were there , let vs fall to some sport or other ▪ play maie be costlie , musique we shall haue enough anon , & therefore let vs spend a little time in some pleasing exercise : I will begin to you : whereto euery one giuing a willing consent , she began thus : we haue been at yeas and noes , griefes and ioies ; let vs now goe to Buts , one propound , another answer , the Third giue the reason : Beautie is a blessed hue : 2 But : 3 it workes manie cursed actions : then another , monie is a good thing : 2 But , 3 ▪ it brings many to miserie : Again vertue is honourable , 2 But , 3 somtime she wants mony : Againe Loue is pretious , 2 But ; 3 if it be right : Againe , kindnesse is the ioye of loue : 2 But , 3 in constancy : then qd . I loue is the ioy of life : 2 But quoth the second : in a true friend quoth my Mistris : Again patience is a vertue : 2 But , 3 a poor one : another , hope is comfortable , 2 But ▪ 3 when it is happy : Content is a kingdome , 2 But , 3 in conceite . As we were going on with our Buts , comes in a gallant youth wel accompanied and attended , who as it afterwards fell out , was a Suter to the young Lady , that to trie my constancie came about me with a trick of loue , or rather wit indeed , to find out the trueth or falshood of a louer : wherupon the company rose , and after al obseruances of due compliments , he with his yong Lady , and I with my Mistris fell to such parlee , as we thought best for our purpose : he in the Parlour , and wee in the garden , where what followed you shall heare . Ar. Good I doubt not . Tid . Good indeed , and better to : for after that we had walked a turne or two , shee reuealing of her deuise , to try the constancy of my affection , tooke all thinges so well , and requited them so kindly , as honour could desire , that Loue might enioye : but by the waie among other talke , I praie thee friend quoth Shee , do me this kindnesse for to lend me your little Table book in your poeket : for I did a little ouerlooke you the other daie and I am much mistaken , but I sawe you writing of verses : In deede Mistrisse quoth I it is true , vppon some certaine idle notes that I tooke out of my obseruation of certaine Creatures , I wrote a fewe idle odde lines , which I will committe vnto your kindenesse in secrete to make vse of : which no sooner hadd shee taken , and read it ouer , but a heartie laughter , and much thankes she tooke of me : and told me she vvould reade them at nighte in her bedde ; but the booke put vp in her pocket , vvith contented mindes in we go together , passed avvaie the daie pleasantly , and after supper the young gallant a neighbour hard by tooke his leaue of his mistris , and avvaie leauing vs to fall to such fortunes as fell out . Ar. Oh , but I praie thee kinde wagge , tell me some of thy verses . Tid . I will , vpon a finicall Asse I wrote a kind of Epigramicall sonnet in this manner . A dapper fellow that is fine and neate , His hose well gartered , and his Ruffes well set Without his picktoothe can not eate his meate , Nor sit at Table where the clothe is wet . Can talke of nothing but of daintie fare , And thinke of nothing but of fashion ; Troubles his conscience but with little cares And yet will shew some idle passions : Can smile and simper , congey , kisse the hand , And cast a sheeps eie at a fie for shame And on the tiptoes of his honour stand , When God he knowes it neuer knew his name . What will this Gallant leaue vpon his graue ? He liu'd a Rascall , and he died a knaue . Ar. Good in trueth , more I pray thee , what was the next ? Tid . The next was on a fool , on a swaggering ruffe . He that was gotten in a drunken fit , Bred vp in brabbles , and by shifting liues , His Dad a Tinker , and his Dam a Tit , His portion nothing but what Fortune giues : Studies no art , but how to cheate and cosen , To packe a Card , or cleanly strike a Die , Swears by the Elle , anddrinketh by the douzen , Talkes what he list , and euery word a lie : Bragges of his state , ard ietts like Iack an Apes , Weares no good cloths , but of an others cost : Gets some odd booties , by vnhappy scapes , Spends on the score , and neuer paies his Hoste . What will be said of him another daie ? God hath done well to take a knaue away . Ar. Another honest wagge , if thou louest me . Tid . I will , and another and another to , and as many as I can remember , if you like them so well . Ar. The more the better , I pray thee out with them . Tid . I will : vpon a shamfast clovvn in gaie clothes . He that makes curtsie at a Ladies doore , And blusheth at a clappe vpon the Cheeke , And saies good morrowe Mistrisse and no more , And weares his silken clothes but once a weeke . Stoupes and goes backward , when he makes a legge And saies forsooth at euery word is spoken : And onely keeps his Maidenhead for Megge And in his hat will weare her true loues token : Can not endure to tast a Cup of wine , And loues the Browne loafe better then the white : Will at the spending of a penny whine , And alwaies goes to bed at Candlelight . VVwat will be written on his worshippes Tombe ? Wo to the Bride that meets with such a Groome . Vpon a churle that was a great vsurer . A chuffe that scarce hath teeth to chew his meate , Heare 's with deafe eares , and sees with glassy eies , Vnto his graue his path doth daily beate , Or like a logg vpon his pallet lies : Hath not a thought of God , nor of his grace , Speaks not a word but what intends to gaine , Can haue no pitty on the poore Mans case , But will the hart strings of the needy straine : Cries not till death , and then but giues a groane , To leaue his siluer , and his golden bags , Then gaspes and dies , and with a little moane Is lapped vp in a few rotten ragges : What will this Clunchfist leaue vpon his graue ? Here lies the Carkasse of a wretched knaue . Ar. Rightly hit , more I pray thee . Tid . Vpon a cheating Companion . He that was borne out of a Bastard race , Betwixt a beggar and a Gentleman , A filthy Carkasse and an ougly face , And plaies the foole before Maid Marian : Can seeme as sober as a Millers Mare , And can not blush at any villany : In euery Market shifteth for a share , And sits himselfe for euery company : Hath all the Cards vpon his fingers ends , And keeps a knaue in store for many a tricke . VVill be a traitor to his truest friends , And liues not by the dead , but by the quicke . Vpon his Tombe what memory will passe ? Here lies the damnedst Rogue that euer was . Ar. Oh filthy rascall , it is pitty that he should come among good company , but on I pray thee with some more . Tid . The next was vpon a Gull , that for a little wealth was made a Gentleman of the first head , which was thus : He that is well conceited of his wit , Because a knaue or foole doth flatter him , And knowes not how to stand , nor goe nor sit , When in his garments he is gaie and trim : Rides like the trey of Clubs betwixt two Clownes , Ayealow doublet , and a tawny hose , Hath halfe ayeard of Land , in two country townes , And like a Hogge doth gruntle as he goes : Weares a course stocking , and a Holland Ruffe , A Brooche and picktoothe , in an old silke hat , Lookes bigge at Beggars , takes a iest in snuffe , And in an alchonse spends he cares not what : Of this great Gull what memory will passe ? He liu'd a Cockscombe , and he died an asse . Another vpon a Pander . He that is hatcht out of a Cucker broode , Betwixt a Kistrell , and a Bagige kite , Feedes all on offall and such filthy foode , Is neither fit for feather , nor for flight : But in his teeth can closely keepe a ring . And make a motion for a filthy matche , Can beare the Bob , while other play and sing , And hath the craft to cloake and connicatche : Can like a dogge lie sneaking at a doore , And creepe and curtsie , couche and bowe the knee , And be a carier to a common store , What will be said of such a swad as he : Here lies a tronke of natures trechery ▪ A slaue that onely liu'd by lechery . Ar. Some more I pray thee , what was the next ? Tid . Vpon a louing foole , as you shall heare . A foole that knowes not how to vse his eies , But takes a picture for an Angells face , And in his thoughts strange wonders will deuise , To bring his wits into a pitteous case : Matcheth the light with darknes , heauen with hell , Wisedome with folly , Ignorance with wit : And to himselfe will such fond fancies tell , As neither are for wit , nor reason fit . But like a Madman mumbleth to himselfe , His dainty Parnell hath no paragon , But like an Ape sits sidling with an Elfe , Till Lands and goods and life , and all are gone . What will some write that did his folly proue ? Here lies the foole that liu'd and died for loue . The next was vpon a prodigall Cockescomb , that troubled all good company . He that will strew his mony in the streetes , Followes the dice , and alwaies throwes at all , Offers disgrace to euery Man he meetes , Snuffes vp the Nose , and swaggers for the wall : Cares for no lawe , and knowes not how to loue , Makes sleepe and eating his soules paradice , Will not put vp that may his patience moue , Treads on a worm , and braues a flight of flies : Lookes a to side , and swears at euery word , Knits vp the Browes , and sets his armes a strut , Takes all mens tables , laics his knife aboord , And plaies the slouen with a filthy slut ? After his death what will befall his due ? Here lies the Captaine of the damned crue . Ar. Good waggeries , but hadst thou none of the feminine gender ▪ Tid Yes some one or two , but no more . Ar. I pray thee tell me them . Tid . I will : the first was this , vpon a fowle idle slut . She that is neither faire nor riche , nor wise , And yet as proude as any Peacocks taile , Mumpes with her lippes , and winketh with her eies , And thinkes the world of fooles will neuer faile . Stands on her pantofles for lacke of shoos , And idly talkes for want of better wit , Will haue her will , what euer so she loose , And say her mind , although she die for it : Is Cosen germane to a iacke an Apes , And sister to her Mothers speckled sowe , Kin to a Codshead , when he kindly gapes , Aunt to an Asse , and Cosen to a Cowe . What will be saide of her so fit for no man ? Oh fie vpon her , t was a filthy woman . The next was vpon a cunning Tit , as thus She that lookes fifteene thousand waies at once , Makes twenty faces ere she dresse her head , Studies for words to serue her for the nonce , With idle trickes to bring a foole to bed : Turnes vp the white of an ilfauoured eie , Treads on her toes , because her heeles are sore , Splaies out her foote ▪ and holds her head awry , And be ares her placket far enough before : Speakes all in print , and reads with a strange grace , Writes like a scriuener , like a Fidler sing , Sits fourteen howrs a painting of her face , And tries the vse of many a secret thing : Of such a Minkes what memory will passe ? A cunning Ape , will Cosen many an asse . Ar. Pretily put on , but I pray thee didst thou write none in commendation of some worthy Creature ? Tid . Yes , some two or three which you shall heare . The first vpon a true souldier . He that was well begot , and truely bredde , VVrought all with true stitche , and both sides alike , Hath not his fancie on vaine humors fed , Eut finds the blisse , that basenesse can not seeke . Starts not to heare a Demiculucrin , Nor feares to charge upon a stand of pikes , Fights like a fury , when his hand is in , Shrinkes not the shoulder where the Coward strikes : But loue : a Trompet better then a pipe , Prefers a March before a Moris daunce , Reares a dead wound but as a little stripe : And a coate armour for his cognisaunce : Gets yet this good , that when his bones be rotten , His worthy fame will neuer be forgotten . The next was of an honest man that tooke great pains for small profit , and yet held vp the head : As thus . VVho beates his braines to write for no rewarde , May breake his Pen and lay his paper by : VVho serues for Grace , and liues without regard , May sigh and sob , and grieue and mourne and die : And yet againe since Heauen will haue it so , Some shall haue wealth , and other some haue woes : Patience doth many passions ouergoe , That are vntemperate spirits ouerthrowe : Let him that can not liue then learne to die , VVhat shall be , shall be , spight of death and hell , They are but babies that will howle and crie , Cowards that faint to bid the world farewell : No , fill the hearts with sorrow to the brinke , A true bred spirit hath no power to sinke . The next was vpon a merry honest fellow that was out of tune for his purse . He that was gotten in a Christmasse night , After a deale of mirth and merry cheere , When Tom , and Tib , were in their true delight , And hee lou'd her , and she held him full deere Brought vpon plainnesse trueth and honesty , Can not away to heare of Knauery , Liues with his Neighbors in true amity , And cares not for this worldly brauery : Goes through the world , with yea and nay and so , And meddles with no matters of import , When to his graue this honest man shall goe , What will the world of all his worth report ? Here lies a man , like hiues that haue no hony , An honest Creature but he had no mony . The last I wrote of my selfe , which was this . He that is moulded of a noble mind , Purified mettall , steele vnto the backe , Flies not with fethers of a Buzzards kind , Cries not with feare , to heare a thunder cracke . Sups vp his sighes , and swallowes downe his griefe , Begs but of God , or of his greate vicegerents , Can not endure to name the word reliefe , And serues but honor , or her loues adherents : Knowes his desart , and yet can not importune , Bites on bare neede , and yet laments no lacke , Hates to be cald , or thought the child of fortune , Stoupes not to death vntill the heart do crack : Liues like himselfe , and at his latest breath , Dies like himselfe , ye though he starue to death . Ar , Starue saist thou ? no it is pitty that such a spirit should haue such a fortune : howsoeuer it stand with thee , bee thus far bold with me : liue with me & share with my fortunes , I protest I will want of my mind , ere thou shalt want that thou needest but with many thanks for thy kind verses , & discourses , I pray thee tell me , what followed of thy fortunes with thy Mistris ▪ Tid . I will tell you : after she had taken my Table book and perused such trifles as shee founde , well Seruante quoth shee , I see you are a wagge ; but it is no matter , I must tell you in plaine termes , I know som of them deserued as much as you haue written , but letting al these toies passe , let me tel thee , the loue I bear thee , with the truth I haue foūd in thee , haue made me so much thine , that I am no more my owne : & in token hereof , receiue from me this diamond , & for that I know not how thou art furnished for mony , take here this purse of golde , to defray such charges as may fall vpō you for your good : besides here is a pair of bracelets , which you shal wear for my sake : in the morning be stirring early , for I mean to be at the Church hereby ioyning to my house , there to make fast that knot that shall neuer be vndone : & so , let vs go in and passe away the time as friends , but no further in the eie of the world : for it shall be best to my content , that the care be priuately caried , till our comfort be not to be crossed : with these words , as it were ouercom with ioy , with willing consēt I obeied her cōmandement : all which euening and night we passed in such exercises , that all parties pleased , we went euery one to his lodging , but how little sleep I tooke , I leaue to the wachmē in the work of loue : in the morning the Lady not long after me at the Church dore , seing me at my praiers , kindly saluted me , & the Churchman ready with a few witnesses of her prouiding & my only seruāt hauing sent another home vppon necessary occasions : scarce was the book opened , a few words read , and our harts ioyning hands , but by a villanus plot of a damnable Iew , that in the shape of a man caried the spirit of a deuil , came into the Church with some dozen of Mascarados with ougly vizards on their faces , with swords and daggars drawne , cried out Tidero : with the afrighte wherof the Lady fell down , & after many soundings lay as dead : the Captain of these accursed caitifes , was one Sulferino a gallant there in the country , who hauing wasted his estate , thought likewise to be the ouerthrow of this Ladies , who in the pretence of loue to her , practised this villany to me : well , vpon sodaine how was I here distressed ? my Loue lying as it were dead before me , my enemies ready to dispatch me : but vppon the sodaine holding my life at as high a rate as I could , determining to sell it deare , among them I went , & with a Pistoll that my Man gaue me , and such weapons as we had , we laid the chiefe villaine on the earth , & those that could , got away ▪ but my selfe sore wounded , & my seruāt no lesse , looking vpon my Mistris , I saw her come to life againe , when her eies alifted vp , she sighed out , on friend art thou aliue ? thou maist say thou hast had an enemy and not a friend , but good friend leade mee home : which I did with some few that were with vs : but no sooner come into the chamber , but sending for her Cousen the fayr Lady , after she had deliuered the whole discourse , in mine armes tooke her leaue of the world : beseching her ( euen a little before her last gasp ) for her sake , to doe me all the honour she could : to tell you my case in the passion , that then took me , it is more then I can expresse : but the Lady her Cosen priuately keeping me till I was healed of my wounde , within a fewe daies after finding the sharpe reuenge intended me by a brother of my late dead enemy , conueied mee away with my seruants to Sea , furnishing mee with all things necessary for my voiage , but as one mischief foloweth another , so was it with me ; for being neer vnto the coast of this countrie ; came a sodaine tempest , in which our ship driuen on a rocke , tooke a wracke , by means whereof , goods none at all , and men few , were saued , yet my selfe by meanes of a piece of a Maste that floated on the waues , was driuen on land , and with a few crownes in my pocket , and these bracelets on my armes , that had like to haue spoiled my swimming gat to shore , and am come away as you see , not yet three daies since , and your selfe the first of my friends that I haue met with . Ar. Thou hast told me of such a Merry goe sory , as I haue not often heard of : I am sory for thy ill fortune , but am glad to see thee aliue : sorrowe not for her that is gone , for that is helplesse , nor for thy self too much , for that is needlesse , thy fortunes may be better at home , then they haue bin abroade ; take no thought , be merry , we are now hard at the Towne , we will dine togither , and soone we will home togither : I haue a neighbor within a mile , may hap liue to do thee good : Let vs goe . Tid . Arnofilo I thanke you , and thinke my selfe happy to haue mett with you ; when wee come home wee will talke further of the world , in the aduancement of my fortune , you shall but bind a friend : now what his fortune was , and what courses he ran in it , if I heare you like well of this , you shall hear of the rest , ere it be long . FINIS .