Grimellos fortunes, vvith his entertainment in his trauaile A discourse full of pleasure. Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? 1604 Approx. 61 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 17 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2005-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A16749 STC 3657 ESTC S104795 99840526 99840526 5038 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A16749) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 5038) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 702:14) Grimellos fortunes, vvith his entertainment in his trauaile A discourse full of pleasure. Breton, Nicholas, 1545?-1626? [32] p. Printed [by E. Allde] for E. VVhite, and are to bee solde at his shoppe neere the little norrh [sic] doore of S. Paules-Church at the signe of the Gun, London : 1604. "To the reader" signed: B.N., i.e. Nicholas Breton. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: [A]² B-D⁴ E² . Vertical chain lines. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng 2003-10 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-10 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2004-11 Paul Schaffner Sampled and proofread 2004-11 Paul Schaffner Text and markup reviewed and edited 2005-01 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion GRIMELLOS Fortunes , VVith his Entertainment in his trauaile . A discourse full of pleasure . LONDON , Printed for E. VVhite , and are to bee solde at his Shoppe neere the little North doore of S. Paules ▪ Church at the Signe of the Gun. 1604 To the Reader . GRimellos Fortunes were more then were spoken of , and such as are , you may easily consider of : Who runnes many courses , is some-time out of the way , and so was hee , and euery man cannot thriue , no more did he : yet his will was good , so may be yours : But his Fortune was so so , so may be yours . But what became of him in the end , is not spoken : and what you meane to doe , I cannot Iudge . Him I had litle acquaintance with , and you lesse : only his name I haue reade , but yours I know not , that I haue heard of : Of him I heare no euill , nor wish to heare any of you : Him I finde wittie , and you I hope to finde wise ; if not , I shall be sorrie for your witte , as mine owne Fortune , to let my labours fall into your hands . But I will thinke the best , and so in the best thought I rest in hope of your patience . Your friend , B. N. Faxit Deus THE ENTERTAINMENT OF Grimello , by Signior Ganuzido , as he ouer-tooke him on the way . Grimello . Ganuzido . Gri. YOu are well ouer taken Sir. Gan. What ? are you so sure of it ? Gri. Sure , of what sir ? Gan. Why , my Purse . Gri. Your Purse ? no sir , it was the least part of my thought . Gan. Why , what haue you taken then ? or haue you authoritie to take fooles as you finde them in your waie ? If you haue , you may happen yet to be deceiued . Gri. Why sir , I set no springs for Woodcocks , and though I be no great wise man , yet I can doe something else , then shooe the Boose for my liuing : and therefore , I pray you neither feare your Purse , nor play too much with my folly . But if you can finde in your hart to do good for him that cannot deserue it , and will trust a stranger , with as much as you dare loose , it may be I should tell you a longer tale then you would beleeue , or else finde you kinder then I can looke for . Gan. Why ? saie I were as I may be ( for ought you know ) an honest man , and of ability to doe for you more then I meane to prate of , if I like of your talke , and your behauiour , what would you saie to mee ? Gri. I could say somewhat vnto you , but that my hart is full . Gan. Of what ? Gri. Sorrowes . Gan. For what ? Gri. Oh sir , it were a worlde to tell you the discourse of the causes of them . Ga. Well then , by the waie , let me aske you a question or two . Gri. As many as please you . Ga. Then first , tell me whence came you ? Gri. From Terra Florida , and am going to Isola Brata . Ga. Oh , I vnderstand a litle Latin , and if I be not much mistaken , you came from the florishing Lande , and are trauailing towardes the blessed Iland . Gri. Uery true sir. Gan. Then figuratiuely , you came from the Ale-house , and are going to the Tauerne . Gri. Oh sir , you make too hard a construction of my disposition : for , though a cup of good Ale be comfortable in the morning , and a draught of old Sacke , warme the hart to bed-ward : yet for my selfe , I hold a moderate dyet the holsomest Phisick , and for those kinde of houses , they are but for necessitie : and therefore I pray you sir , be better conceiued of my condition . Gan. Well then , let me aske you , how you made your walke hither ? Gri. In briefe-sir , not knowing your busines , in admitting your leasure , or requiring more haste , and so fearing by teadiousnes , to be some trouble to your patience , with your good fauour sir , thus it is . After that I had past the great Mountaine of mishaps , I fell into a long vaile of miserie , in which I haue wandred to the foote of this hill of hope , on which I haue not bene a little comforted , since I came into your presence . Gan. Come , you are so fine , but will you not be angrie , if I tell you my minde , touching your figures ? Gri. Not for my life sir. Gan. Then it may be , you were going vp Holbourne-Hill , and so afterwarde to Tiburne : From whence , hauing escaped more by good fortune , then desert , you haue gone a begging euer since : and hauing learned your termes of arte , either at Schoole , ( which you haue not forgotten , to put to an ill vse ) or among such as your selfe , that with Eloquence , thinke to cosen simplicitie of a litle coine , you would draw a hand of me : but you are deceiued in me , or it may be , that I am deceiued in you , and therefore I pray you tell me what you are , your profession and purpose ? it may be for your good : for your hurt beléeue me it shall not be . Gri. Sir , to tel you what I am , you know what al men are , and so am I : Dust and Ashes and wormes meate , my profession honesty : which , if the heauens will fauour , I care for no fortune . Ga. Well said , but how do you professe honesty ? Gri. I protest . Gan. What , do you onely protest honesty ? Why then , your profession is but a protestation , as thus : You protest it a thing necessarie in a common wealth , but more commendable then commodious for many men to deale withall . Gri. Oh no sir , no such matter : I know there is no true commoditie without it , and for my selfe , in all the courses that I haue yet runne , I haue had so great a care of it , & so great a loue to it , that I haue had rather haue lost all that I had in the world , and my selfe last of all , then haue liued without it : and without boast be it spoken , I now haue it about me , and carrie it easily without any weight or trouble . Ga. And where , I pray you ? Gri. Truely sir , in my hart , Where I hope it is too fast , for euer getting out , while I liue . Gan. Well then , if I must needs ( as I haue yet no reason to the contrary ) beleeue what you saie . Let me heare a litle of your courses , and of your honesty in them . Gri. I will tell you Sir first : After I had past out Crosse-rowe , speld , and put together , read without a Festraw , had my Grammer Rules without booke , and was gone from Schoole to the Uniuersities , there beginning in Philosophie , by Gods grace to iudge betwixt good and euill : and what honour was in honestie , and what shame in the contrarie : I rather noted then loued the fallacies in arguments : and gouerning nature with reason , I was called the honest Scholler : For I neuer vsed Rhetorick to perswade wickednes , nor Poetrye in wantonnesse , nor Diuinitie in pride , nor law in Couetousnesse , nor Phisicke in malice , nor Musicque in beggery : but held learning so honorable in all studies , that I auoyded all that I might any waie disgrace her . Ga. And there-with-all you wakte . Gri. Why Sir ? Gan. Why , I cannot see how being awake , you could doe so : Temptations , Illusions , and suggestions ( and I know not what such other trickes ) would haue put you so out of your By-ace , that you would some time haue lost the cast , had you bowled neuer so well . But let me heare you a little speake of your honesty in all your poynts of learning . Gri. Why , I tell you , I made no loue to wenches , I did cosen no simple trust with vntruth : I fed my flocke , vndid no Clyent poysoned no patient , nor followed a Fayrie with a blinde Fiddle : but wonne the wilfull with good words , to a good waie : made verses in the onely honor of vertue : was true to my friends , followed my Clyents case to his content , Preached euery weeke in my Parish Church : Cured soundly my Patients , and made content my best Musique . Ga. And yet could not thriue with all this ? Gri. Oh no. Gan. The reason ? Gri. I will tell you , wordes had no weight without money , and I was poore , and the rich were couetous : therefore my good wordes onely did good , to good mindes , that benefited not a litle by my labours ; but my gaine was only a good name : so that most my enemy which wold saie , I was a foole , wold saie , that I was an honest man. My Poetry belyed no mans villanie , nor laide open his shame , but reprehended vice priuately , and touched no mans name in infamy . My Clyents would pray for my life , for my true pleading : and my Parish all loued me , because I was contented with what they gaue me : my patients commended my medicines , and my Musicque was pleasing , because it was not common . Gan. Wel , then sir , your Rhetoricke was gratious , your Potrye diuine , your diuinitie , pure , your Law Iustice , your Physicke learned , and your Musique Harmonious : and yet with all these you could not thriue . Gr. No , For I could not flatter nor faine , nor be idle , nor sell breath , nor beare malice , nor abide beggery . Gan. Well said , I like you well for this : but let me go a little farther on with you out of booke-matters . What other courses haue you past with this same honestie ? Gri. Truely Sir , after that I had left my hard studie , I became a Courtier . Gan. Yea marrie Sir , now you come to me : let me heare a little of that poynt with you . Gri. I will tell you Sir , my place being not great there , I can tell you of no great matters , but thus far without offence . I loued no Painting on my face , no superfluitie in my dyet nor excesse in my apparrell , nor to créepe to a Thorne nor to flatter a foole , nor conuerse with a Muchauilion , nor to make idle loue , nor to scoffe at vertue , nor to quarrel for trifles , nor to tell lies , nor to importune friends , nor to delay sutors : but in all poynts of courtesie , so linked honestie with modestie , that , being faithful to my God , loyall to my Soueraign , carefull of my selfe and kinde vnto my friend : my hart was all daie in a good harbour , and at night , my Conscience made me sléepe quietly . Gan. All this I like well , and the rather , for that your estate answeres ( at this time ) to the condition of simplicity : but on a litle further for I greatly care not to talke too much of Court-courses : and yet I pray you tell me the cause why you had such a care of your honesty in all your Court-time ? But first , let me aske you , why you would not paint your face as many doe ? Gri. Because I would not offend God with setting an other collour on my face , then Nature by his grace had giuen me . Gan. Well said , but why did you forbeare superfluitie in your diet ? Gri. For that , with gluttonie and drunkennesse , I would not please the deuill . Gan. Uery good now why doe you mislike excesse in apparrell ? Gri. Because the wise that saw my fashions should not laugh at me for my folly . Gan. A good care : but why would you not créepe to a Thistle ? Gri. For feare of pricking my knées , and making an idoll of idlenes . Gan. And why doe you hate to flatter a foole ? Gri. Because I fret at my miserie , to tye my patience to ignorance , and I would shunne the infection of a thirsting spirit . Ga. Well said , but why would you not conuerse with a Machauilion ? Gri. For feare of a villaine . Gan. Why would you not make loue ? Gri. Because of the fashion . Gan. How so ? Gri. Why , it is vnfit to the body , or the minde , or state , or common , or foolish , or an idle thing or an other about it , so that I was loth to loose time , about the triall of it . Ga. Good , but why durst you not scoffe at vertue ? Gri. For feare to be hatefull both to God and man. Ga. A gratious conceit : Now why did you mislike of quarrels ? Gri. Because they are enemies to peace , dangers of death , and disquietnes of the sences . Ga. Uery good : now why did you hate lying ? Grin . Because of the deuil is the author of it , no honest man but abhorres it : no Christian but may be ashamed of it : Few or none but the wicked loue it : Furthermore , when I tell true , I shall not be beléeued . Gan. You saie well : Now , why would you not importune friends ? Gri. For feare to weary them , and so to loose them . Gan. Why would you not delaie Sutors ? Gri. Because I would not abuse their trust , nor bee pittilesse of their misery . Gan. All this I like well : but for that I like not too much to talke of Court-courses , I pray you tell mee of your next course , and honestie in it . Gri. Uery willingly . The next was Armes : I left the Court and followed the field , sought by danger to winne Honor : and when by deserts of seruice , I had gotten to the charge of Gouernment : I did not abuse my credit , with either foolish hardines , or base Cowardice . Gan. What was your reason ? Gri. For feare , by the First , to loose either mine honor , or my people : By the other , to loose my credite vnrecouerable . Gan. Well said . Now to your next poynt . Gri. I would not deceiue my souldier of his pay , nor make a melch-Cow of a man. Gan. And why ? profite goeth beyond Conscience in many considerations . Gri. Yea , with such as thinke of no other world but this : but I haue no part in their play , for honor admitts no Auarice , and it is an vnchristian humor , to make money of men . Gan. Well said , and what was your next care ? Gri. Not to forget mercie in Iustice , not to fauour the vitious , nor to pardon the obstinate . Gan. And why ? Gri. Because as Iustice is the grace of Iudgement , so is mercy the glory of Iustice. Gan. Why would you not fauour the vitious ? Gri. Because they are the enemies of God , and the spoyle of men . Gan. You saie true , but last of all , wherefore would you not pardon the obstinate ? Gri. For feare of infecting of other , and growing into a greater mischiefe , if hee scape vnpunished . Ga. A good consideration , for in time of warre , one mutinous villaine may marre a whole Campe : these indéed were honest cares in you : but it séemes , fortune was not alwaies your friend , or else she would haue furnished you better for your preferment : But I sée , you haue learned patience , which is a great vertue in all men , and in all courses . It séemes you had no pleasure in fyring of Cities , in bloudy massacres , nor in robbing of Churches . Gri. Oh no , for God neuer prospereth the blood-thirstie , the mercilesse , nor the vngratious : and indéed , I must saie what I know , that a true Souldier , is neither Thiefe , Murtherer , nor vnmercifull . Gan. I am of your minde in this : But not to trouble you too much with enquiring after your courses in the warres : let mee a litle aske you of the next course , and as you said , of your honestie in it . Gri. Uery willingly . The next course I tooke was this : finding my bodie , not answerable to my minde , and the gaines of my aduentures no greater then would defraie the charges of my necessarie expences : I left the field , and tooke me to my chamber , where resolued to betake my selfe wholy to my booke : I fell soundly to the study of the law : in which , when I had so profited , that I was able to pleade a case , and iudge betwixt right and wrong . I had that care of my conscience , that , of poore men I would take no money , and of the rich , I would not be bribed : And finding by some small ordinary fées , I could hardly paie for my bookes , my chamber , and my apparell , and my out-side being farre vnfit for the comelines of that profession : I was enforced to leaue that course , to a conscience of an other kinde : and séeing the misery of Clients , the quiddities in Cases , and the long delayings in Courts : I left the Law , sold my bookes , and my chamber , and kéeping only a Night-gowne to kéepe mee warme in a cold winter . I got me into the Country , there intending to plaie the good husband : where , hauing taken the lease of a prettie farme , I hoped to make much of a litle . Gri. Well said , but let me aske you , why you would not take money of poore men for counsell ? Gri. Because their miserie should not curse my Couetousnesse : for though therich would wrong them , I would not wring them . Ga. And well saide , a signe of a good minde : But why would you receiue no bribes of the rich ? Gri. Because I would not sell breath for money ; and I had more care of my Conscience , then their Coine . Ga. Well spoken , a signe of a gratious spirit . And since a good Conscience , is better then a golden Castell , you did better to séeke a quiet life with a meane gaine , then to charge your Conscience with a heape of treasure . But since the studie of the Law is both tedious & costly , I hold a good Pleader worthie his Foe , and a reuerent Iudge worthy his Honor , without whose great care and trauaile , the Common wealth would hardly be kept in good order : And therefore I will leaue further to talke of your Law-courses , and intreat you to tell me how you fared with the farme ? Gri. Oh very well : as long as my Purse was my friend , I had Horses , Bullocks , Cowes , Shéepe and Corne , and companie enough to helpe me to spend more then I got : yet would I not mingle the fusty , ouer-growne corne , with the swéet and good . I would not sell an old shéepe for a Lambe , nor an old Cowe for a yong Heiffor I would not forestall any markets , take any house ouer a Tennants head : sell rotten Trées for good timber , raise the price of graine nor of Cattell , nor defraud the labourer of his hyre : But when my Cattle dyed , my fruit was blasted , and my Purse grew so bare , that great rents would not be paide with faire words : two or thrée yeares brought me so downe the winde , that I could neuer looke vp more to the welkin : and so in briefe , selling all that I had , hauing no charge of wife , nor children , I tooke that litle that remained after the discharge of my debts , & going into some strange place where I was not knowen , I meant to séeke my fortune , in the seruice of some such Noble or honest Gentleman , as would in his discretion , regard the care of my duty . Ga. Why , haue you euer serued ? Gri. Yes a while , but I haue obserued the carriage of diuerse , and not the worst wits in their places that haue serued : which , if it were my happe to come into , I would vtterly auoide . Ga. I pray you tell mee some of your notes , for by your iudgement in that you haue rehearsed , I can beléeue nothing in you to be idle . Gri. I thanke you Sir , for your good opinion of me , but howsoeuer I prooue , I will satisfie your request . When I came into a house where I saw diuersity of seruants , and euery one make a gaine in his place : I began to cast mine eies about me , when I might sée one carrie a ring in his mouth , & it made not his téeth bléed . I heard an other claw a back , as though he would leaue no flesh on the bones : an other playe so on both hands , as if he had put downe a cunning Iugler : an other playing at Bo-peepe , with the eies of his mistresse : an other following Iudas , in betraying his maister , and yet not one of these but made a gaine of his villanie . Ga. As how I pray you ? if at least you can tell mee , and first for the King-carrier ? Gri. Why , when no man would challenge the Stone , he should haue the gold for his labour . Ga. Well couched ; Now , for the next : to the Claw-backe , what got hee by his trade ? Gri. Some-what more then a Lowse , when he met with a suit of Satten . Gan. Well saide , now to the third : the Ambodxeter , he that plaies an both hands ? Gri. Sir , Iacke of both sides , got a cloke of his master , and a shirt of his mistres , when he did fit her humor , & serue his turne . Gan. Well hit , but , to the fourth now : Wagge-wanton with his mistresse . Gri. Oh , hee gate his masters loue through her commendation , and her comfort through his owne diligence . Ga. A necessarie seruant , it is a signe he was not idle , when he was so well occupyed . Gri. Exercised , you would haue said , Sir I thinke at least . Ga. Oh you saie well : but nothing is ill-spoken that is not ill-taken . But , now to the last , the Iudas , what gained he ? Gri. That , which of all I praie God kéep me from . Ga. Why man , what was it ? Gri. Why Sir , the Gallowes , if not hell . But it is a shrewde presumption : for Treason is surely the very high-waie to hell . Ga. Well said : then if thou wert well entertained , with a good maister , thou wouldest neither carrie a ring , clawe a backe , plaie on both hands , be no wagge-wanton , with thy mistresse , nor Iudas with thy maister ? Gri. No indéede Sir , I would be none of these . Ga. What would you then doe , or can you do , if vpon my good liking , of your behauiour , I should procure your preferment ? Gri. Sir , I can do many things , more thē I meane to boast of , and when I know of what title , either for honor or honesty , my maister or mistres may be , I will then tell you , how I can fit my seruice to their contentment . Ga. Well then , saie he were a yong Lord , and I would preferre you to attend him in his chamber . Gri. I would neuer be without a brush for his apparrell : I would sée his chamber neatly kept , his bed soft and finely made , his linnen cleane washed , and his chestes fast locked : I would be humble in my behauiour , and ciuill in my demeanour , go discréetly on a message , bring him word of his mistresse health , and his Cosins good rest : and what time of the daie it is , &c. Ga. Well put off , but saie it were a fine Gentlewoman , that I would put you to ? Gri , Oh , I would be full of curtesse , hold her Glasse stedie , bring her painting vnséene , and her Perriwig vncrushed : Haue her taylour at a becke , runne quickly for her errand , now and then tel her a merrie tale : and once in fauour , neuer loose it againe I warrant you . Ga. But will you not commend her fauorite . Gri. No , I hate that vile basenes , or rather , base villanie , to make my tongue an enemie to my hart : I would rather leaue her to séeke a seruant , then I would be found in such a seruice . Ga. Well said : but saie that it were to a meaner person , I should put thée , I cannot saie , prefer thée to : as for example : Let me saie it be some honest man of trade or traffique , or so forth ; how could you behaue your selfe , that I might hope of your credite ? Gri. Why Sir , I would kéepe his booke of account , cast vp by his reckoning● once in foure and twēty houres , looke wel vnto his shoppe , learne the price of his wares , aske what lacke you of passers bye , vse his Chap-men kindely , and euery one with courtesie : so that I would get more with good words , then some other should do with good ware . In briefe , I would be an honest man , and that is worth all . Gan. Good all that I yet heare : & if there be no worse matter in you , then I haue yet heard from you , nor hope to finde in you , I do not greatly care , if your case be desperate , that for lacke of entertainment , to saue the charge of an empty purse , you would venture vpon a bad maister rather then none , I le trie a litle what you can doe about my house : Base actions , as filling the Dung-cart , going to plough , kéeping of hogs , or washing of buckes , swéeping the houses , or making cleane shooes : these offices , I haue in my house ; Boyes and Girles enough , fit for the purpose . But to ouer-sée my family , to instruct my children , to be Steward of my courts , kéeper of my Parke , ranger of my Forrest , and now and then to wait on my wife : one of these offices , if any be void , I care not if I place thée in , so that in thy good carriage , thou doest not deceiue my expectation ? Gri. . Sir , not to trouble you with idle ceremonies , trye me , and trust me : either you or your Ladie . Ga. You saie well : but by the waie , because it is aboue thrée miles to my house , and good talke passeth the time well away , Let me entreat you to tell mee some-what of your Fortunes in your crosse courses ; if , at least , they be not such , as you will in modestie conceale , or are not willing to call in memorie . Gri. No Sir , I feare not to satisfie your desire , either in respect of my follie or my fortune . For the first is excusable in youth , and the other is her selfe in all ages : and therefore let me tell you , thus it was : In my young and litle better then childish yeares , my father hauing put me to schoole , to a more furious then wise Schoole-master , who by the helpe of his Usher ( a better scholler then himself , ) brought vp a fewe good wits , to better vnderstanding then his owne : I hauing learn'd to spell and put together , to Construe , and Parce , to write my letters and to ioyne , and to make my mistresse Pistles , when my maister was from home : It fell out I know not how , that he , being a man very vigilant in all his courses ; and séeing my mistresse beautie able to make a good Scholler forget his lesson , imagining by his studie in Astronomie , that the signe of his Fortune , stood too straight vpon Capricorne , meaning to crosse the fates in their powers , founde a meanes to remooue all his Boorders from his house , in regarde of a Meigrum in his head , which was much troubled by the noise of our Pu-rulines . Now I , as litle guiltie , as any of the cause of his follie , was yet among my fellowes banished his house , and shortly after , sent home to our friendes . Where hauing idled it so long , that bookes were enemies to our delights , I like a good wagge among other , séeing one daie a gallant knight come home to my fathers house , finding my spirite not so dull as to dwell alwaies in one place : made all the meanes I could to preferre my selfe into his seruice . Which , with my mothers entreatie , my father brought to passe : Preferred I was to this Gallant , and from a Scholler must turne Page ; when , if I should tell you the tenth part of the waggeries , that I passed thorough , I should breake mine oathe on the Pantable , call olde trickes in question , and perhaps , wrong some that were my fellowes then , who would bee loath to heare of it nowe : Yet will I not be so sparing of my spéech , but that I dare tell you one merrie parte , that I and my good fellowes plaide , that perhaps is worth the laughing at . Gan. I pray you do . Gri. I will tell you : thus it was . I being in my youth reasonably well-fauoured , of a pure complexion , and of a reasonable good stature , and hauing wit enough , vpon a litle warning to plaie the wagge in the right vaine : It was my happe among other my fellow-Pages , to take knowledge , of a certaine Gallant in our Court , a man of no great worth any waie , and yet , a sufficient Blocke for Frogges to leape vppon : His yeeres about some twentie two , or there abouts , his complexion , Sea , cole-sanguine , a most wicked face , and a wit correspondent : to be short , for that ill faces make no pleasant descriptions , let it suffice , that hee was euery waie a verie filthie fellow : and yet , hauing better clothes then he was worthy to weare , and more money then he could wisely vse : This Lob-lollie , with slauering lips , would be making loue , and that not onely to one , but euerie daie one : & though he were scarse welcome to any , yet would be blush at no disgrace . This yonker had we founde out , and hearing of his disposition , we fitted his humor , one of vs would borrow a Ladies cōmendations , to get an Angell withall , for a message : An other get a Nose-gaie or a Baie leafe , and bring from his mistresse , which came vp with fiue , with a French Crowne : An other or two of vs , haunt him at dinner , and with a song or a Galliard , nibble on his Purse for a piece of gold : An other of vs , somewhat towards the man , and in a manner past a Page , would fall in hand with him for a rest or two , till which , some secrete tricks of our owne setting , we could diue into a few Crowns worth the taking vp . Now when we had fedde vpon him so long , that we feared it would come out : we deuised to laie a plot to be-foole him to the full . We had among vs one fine boie , ( I will not saie , my selfe , whose feature and beauty made him an amiable creature . ) This youth , we had agréed among our selues , to make a meanes , by which , to catch this Wood-cocke in a fine spring : Which , in few daies after , wee enacted , as I will tell you : we got apparrell of a Gentle-woman , ( a waiting woman of a Ladie ) of whom , hauing acquainted her with our intended sport , wee borrowed manie things fit for our purpose . This Boye ( being now a supposed Wenche ) we caused to take a lodging right ouer against this Wizards hospitall : Where , out of his window , beholding this beautifull obiect , his eies were no sooner Lymed with blindnesse , but , his heart was so set on fire with folly , that there was no wais to quench it , but the fauour of this imagined faire Ladie , Gentle-woman , or mistresse , what you will. Now , we that dailie vsed , ( more for our comfort , then his commoditie ) to visite him , no sooner in his chamber hauing gotten a view of her , but wee fell with admiration to commende her beyond the Moone for an excellent creature : Oh , what an Eie ? What a Lippe ? what a fore-head ? what a chéeke ? what a harie ? what a hand ? what a bodie ? For further , at the window we could not sée : Thus by litle and litle , we brought him halfe madde before , with conceite , ready to hang himselfe for loue . And now must those litle wits he had , go to worke , to shew his folly . Now wee must get him a Poet , to make him verses in her commendation , a Scholler to write his Loue-letters , Musique to play vnder her window , and Gloues , Scarfes , and Fannes to bee sent for presents , which might be as it were fore-speakers for his entertainment : And thus , when we had fitted him for all turnes , wee got him such fauorable accesse , vpon promise of no dishonorable attempt , that where before he was but ouer-shooes , he was nowe ouer-head-and-eares for an Asse . For now began he to thinke well of him selfe , and that he should carrie the Bellawaie for Beautie ; when hee should indéede carrie awaie the Bable for follie . Well thus , hauing a fewe daies played with his Nose , & hauing agréed with thē of the house to séeme ignorant of her name and cuntrie : but that she was a suitor at the Court : They knew not wherefore , when , in pittie , to pull the poore foole too lowe on his knées : with holding him off too long from his off or on : We deuised one night that he should be at great cost with a supper in her lodging , and there should be certaine Gentle-women , to accompanie her & that should offer her what kindnesse might lie in their powers in the Court. These we brought , as wee made him beléeue , to let them sée his fauour , and good regarde with this rare creature , but came indéed onely with a forced modestie , to conceale a laughing at this Cockes-combe : not to dwell too long vpon circumstances , the Supper was prouided , the guestes bidden , the Musique in tune , the Gentleman welcome , and the Boye plaide his part in the Q. Hee had the kisse of the hand , vowes and protestations , gifts and presents , and what not , that might be witnesse of his folly ? Now a little before supper vnderstanding ( by the imagined wench , ) that she was the next morning to go out of towne , after solemne promise to bring her on her waie ( kindly accepted on her part ) to supper they went : where there were so many healths drunk to his mistrisse , that with as much a doe as might be drunken to saue his credite , hee tooke his leaue till morning , and so got him home to his lodging : where , hauing scarce , power to stand on his féet , he fell downe on his bedde , where with the helpe of a litle tricke that was put in a Cuppe of wine , he slept till next daie noone , when like a great Beare , grunting and blowing , hee goeth to the window , where missing his former object ( who was now turned Page againe ) ashamed of his breach of promise , got him to bed againe : Where , keeping his chamber for a daie or two , and then comming into the Court , séeing some of his fauours worne by one of the Pages , The Boye that plaide the Wagge with him , ashamed to demand them , and fearing his folly to be knowen in the Court : suddenly turned Clown , & with a sighing song , To the tune of , Wela-day , wel-adaie , got him in y e cuntrie , where wee neuer heard more of him . Now Sir , was not this a prettie iest , & wel handled ? Ga. Yea for wagges : I know since my selfe was a Page , a number of such waggeries . But yet , I thanke you for this merrie tale , it hath lasted a good while . But now tell mee when you had past the Page , in your next course , what merrie conceit can you remember , that maie last an other mile ? that I may thanke you for it . Gri. I will Sir , since you take this so well : The next course I fell into was Armes : and there I remember in a Towne of Garrison , where I was in paie , the Gouernour a man whome some ill fortune without desart , had throwen vpon an unworthy honour , bring of himselfe so tymerous of nature , as that a base note of a Sagbutte would haue made him start , as if he had heard the report of a piece of Ordinance . This wicked Creature , by the meanes of his Sister ( a Minion of our Generals ) gotten into this place : where , though it were farre enough from the enemie , yet , for that ( if the skie fall , wee mase haue larkes ; and so , if the Souldiers were wearie of their liues , they might come thither for a hanging : for , except wee would fall out among our selues , there was no feare of any thing but Sparrow-blasting ; and yet here I know not what cause more then to skarre flyes , ) wee held a strong Garrison : For the Gouernour being better mooued , then otherwise minded , fearing some two-legged Rats , should breake into the mouthes of his bags , did not onely enuyron his feare ( for he was compounded all of litle better matter ) within some seauen walles without his Castle , beside Ditches of no litle breadth and déepnesse : and within , some seauentéene double and treble walles within the house : where , ( as close as a Flea in a flockebed ) he kept himselfe warme from the cold winde . Now , in this close Cabin , ( as he vsed much to conteine himself , in casting vp of his accounts ) one night , after the receipt of money for the paye of the Souldiers , locking up his bags in cheffes of Iron and then laying vp the keyes vnder his beds head , trusting none to lye in his chamber , but a sonne of his owne , who was too young to be a thiefe , and yet by outward appearance séemed to be weary of the father : with this sonne , a Page as it was said , ( a bastard of his by a Beggar ) to whom he gaue but sire pence for a daies worke : With these two ( in a Touch by his beds side ) to bedde gueth his base worship , and there , hauing made a reasonable supper tooke indifferent rest . But , after his first sléepe ( which was but a kinde of starting slumber ) he fell into a dreame : all of warres , discharging of Ordinance , fyring of houses , and crye of people : in which , not a litle amazed or frighted , he started out of his bed , with crying out Arme , Arme. The watch ( or rather the Guarde ) hearing this suddaine noyse , fearing some great Rat had bitten their Capitaine by the Nose , ( where there was a rich breakfast for a dozen of leane Mise : ) upon the suddaine brake in with , Now now my Lord ? Well quoth he , with a Hah , as though his foote being in the Chamber pot , he had bene afraid of drowning : But as a man in such a maze might some-what come to himselfe , brake into this spéech . My maisters and friends , there is no inexpected great matter of importance , but , vnto carefull spirits are reuealed in their sléepes , that by the prouidence of Gods discretion , they may be preuented . This Towne is a place of great regard with our Generall , the carefull gouernment thereof is committed vnto my honestie : I would be loath to sée the perishing of so many soules , and the secke of so manie houses , as by lacke of care may fall out , if it be not the better looked vnto : Now , what stratagems are in band we know not : The enemie is subtill and strong , wee cannot be too warie of a mischiefe , you know : Had-I-wist is a foole in all courses , and I would bee loath to loose my credite , in slacking my care in the charge committed vnto me : to be short , I was this night much troubled in my sléepe with sharpe warres , fyring of houses , the report of the Canon , and great crie of the people : and the vision , as it was very dreadfull , so it continued long , and therefore being perswaded , that it giueth me warning of some mischiefe intended against this towne , so would I bee glad in what I may to preuent it ; And therfore call hither the Capitaine of the watch vnto mee . This , when hee had stammeringly in a pitifull feare brought out , with a Palsey-shaking-hand , hauing buttoned vp his Doublet , called for his Armour ( which all of Musket proofe he put on , with al the hast y t might be ) and being furnished to méete with a whole swarme of flies , ( with his double guard ) out he goes and méetes the Capitaine in his Hall : where , the winde blowing high , and making a noyse in the house , he staied & asked him , harke quoth he , doe you not heare the noyse of some shot ? Oh no , Sir quoth he , it is the winde in the Chimney . Oh , is it so said he , then good enough . But let me tel you , I haue had a shrewde dreame to night : and therefore am willing to walke the Round , to sée how the Souldiers kéepe watch . My Lord , quoth the Capitaine , you shall néed to doubt nothing vpon my life I warrant you . It is now towards daie , and the watch is vpon discharge ; I praie you kéepe your Chamber , and take your rest . Well , quoth he , if it be so , I know you carefull and honest , and I will leaue all to your charge , till I come abroad : And so leauing the Capitaine , retires himselfe into his chamber : where , kéeping on his Armour , here sets him downe in a chaire , and there not trusting his bed any longer for that time , hauing taken a nappe or two ; the watch vpon their discharge , gaue the Capitaine a volley of shot ; the noyse whereof awaking this gallant man of two Armes : Doe , quoth he , to the Guard , one of ye know , what shot is this ? who bringing him word of the discharge of the watch , he was a litle at quiet . But the daie being a Saints daie , when vsually the Countrie people used to make such pastime , as fitted the condition of their humors : some-what early from a Wood vnder a hill , which fronted the Towne , and there with Drummes and Fifes ( and a few loose shot ) came toward the towne , to make the Gouernour merrie , with a Maie-game and a Morris . Now such a Wagge as my selfe minding to make my selfe and some of my friends merrie with a Iest , hauing intelligence of the same the night before , yet seeming ignorant thereof , came into the Towne , with Arme , Arme , for the enemie is at hande . This crie being brought to the gouernour , ( he in a colde sweat , what with feare , and the weight of his Armour ) called presently for his Captaines , gaue euery one their charge what to doe : which done , prouiding as well as hee might for one : Barricadod all his gates without , and all his doores within : And in the midst of a Loue-roome , within a wall of twentie yeardes thicke of stone , Barricadod himselfe within a great wall of earth , which was made for a Fornace to caste mettell in for Ordinance : There , ouer-head and eares in feare sits he with his two Pages . The doore fast locked to him , till anone , the people being come in with their merrie shew : went a messenger from the Capitaine of the watch , to entreat his Lordship to bee partaker of the Pastime , and to entreat the people with some kindnesse . The messenger being come to the doore and let in , before he could deliuer his message : Well quoth hee , ( imagining the enemies before the walles ) What is the Parlée that he offereth thée ? Parley my Lord , quoth the Messenger , it is a Pastime : There is no enemie , all friends : Your poore neighbours are come to make you merrie with a Morris-daunce , and a Maie-game . Yea , quoth he , is it none other ? and with looking in his Purse , and giuing him iust nothing : It is well ; staie awhile , Boie , giue me my sword and my Target , that my neighbours shall sée how readie I was to méete the enemie vpon the least Alarum . And with these wordes , causing the Trumpet to sound a merrie Dote for ioye of the deliuerance of his feare : Out he comes among them , and like an Asse ( as euer man was ) shewes himselfe . After , a litle gratulation ( leauing them in their sports ) got him againe into his lodging , and there calling for his breakfast , put off his Armour , and went to bed againe : where , let him lye till I raise him . Ga. Is it possible that there is such a 〈◊〉 in the world ? Gri. Yes , and they wonder al that know him how hee should come to haue charge of men , that would be afraide of a shaddow , and be Gouernour of a Towne that would runne into a bench hole . But the Iest was in the Maie-game : ( if you had séene it ) For they had made a Lord and a Ladie : and the Foole was like him as one could be like an other . But it was but a Tale , and therefore I will not trouble you any further with it . Ga. Gramercy hartely , thou art as good as thy word , it is a merrie tale and well tolde . But if I may not trouble thée too much let me heare one more , that you light on in your next course . Ga. With a good will Sir. The next was , ( as I saide before ) after I left the warres , I fell againe to my booke , and studied the Law , where I heard a pretty Iest betwixt a Lawyer and two Clyents , but it was but short . Ga. No matter : Short or long , I will thanke thée for it , and therefore I praie thée out with it . Gri. Why Sir , then thus it was : There were two Countrie men rich Farmers , fat in Purses : ( how leane soeuer in the face ) These two , hauing in some twenty yeares or moe ( with kéeping of bare houses , and wearing of bad cloathes , selling of wheate , and spending of Rie , ) scraped together more money then manie better men : It fell out , that ( about or a litle after mowing-time ) these two dwelling néere together , and ( as it seemed ) each one of them nigh enough vnto himselfe : Fell at controuersie about a Hey-cock , the value whereof ( by the iudgement of the Parson , and the Constable , and other of the Auncients of the Parish ) could not amount to aboue two and twentie-pence : yet such being the stubbornesse of both their stomackes , that no meanes would be made to bring them to agréement : To Lawe they would for the tryall of their right . And now the Angels that had bene long lyen in their Chestes , must vse their winges for the accomplishing of their willes . Counsellours were retayned , Attorneyes were féede , and Soliciters were not forgotten : Daies of hearing delayed , demurres , and iniunctions , ( and I know not what diuises were vsed ) from one Court to another to kéepe them in their courses so long , till in the ende the Iudge ( of more conscience then the pleader ) noting the long-time of their sute , the nature of their controuersie , and the substance of the matter , when he had heard all that could be said on either side , made this open speech in the whole Court. Yee two ( maisters ) that haue made a long haruest of a little Torne , and haue spent a great deale of money about a litle matter : the cause being such , as is more to be laughed at , then lamented , Let me tell you a litle short tale , and so I will haue done with you . There were on a time , two men went a fishing for Oysters vpon the Sands at a low Ebbe : the one was blinde , and the other lame : The blinde-man carried the lame-man : so when they had gone a litle waie , they found an Oyster , which the lame-man espied , and shewed the blind-man , with guiding of his hand to take it vp . When he had taken it vp , the lame-man challenged it to be his , because he first saw it : The blinde-man would haue it , because he had taken it out of the Sandes : Thus arguing the case , in conscience who should haue it , There méetes them a Lawyer , who , hearing the controuersie betwixt them , made this short ende betwixt them . Giue me , quoth he the Oyster , which , when he had gotten into his hands , he picked out the fish and gaue each of them a shell , and went his waie . So you two , hauing made the Lawyers rich with your wilfulues , may repent ye of your follies , & go home & agrée together like neighbours , & keep your money in your purses : for I am wearie to heare more of it . The men ashamed of their follies , fulfilled his commandement : went home , cashéerd their counsaile , let fall their actions , went home & liued like honest good fellowes . Now how like you of this for a Lawyers iest ? Ga. I will serue to warne a wise man how hee plays the foole with his purse . But one more of your next course and then I will trouble you no more . Gri. Well Sir , I will satisfie your request : The next course was the Farmer , in which time , I remember a prettie Iest , which , if you haue not heard before , will surely make you laugh : But howsoeuer it be , I will tell it you , and thus it was . A neighbour of mine , in good case to liue , though not verie wealthie , and yet such a one as with his formality on a Hollidaie at Church , would haue bene taken for the Hedborough of the Parish . This honest substantiall man , drawing one daie a Mill-poole , among other fish , lighted on a verie great Eele : which , hauing got on lande , hee brought into his house , and put it with small Eeles into a Cesterne , where , féeding of it euery Morning and Euening , hee made ( as it were ) an Idoll of it . For , there passed not a daie wherein hee had not that care of his Eele , that it séemed , that hee had not of greater and better matters . This Eele , being taken about Candelmas ( hee meant to kéepe and féede till Lent following ) when hee meant to present him to his Land-lord , for a great gratulation : In the meane-time , hee neuer went out of doores without giuing warning to his wife and his seruants , to looke wel to his Eele . When he came in , how doth mine Eele ? when were you with mine Eele ? who looked to mine Eele ? I charge you looke well to mine Eele . Now his wife , a iollie stout Dame , who made more reckoning of honestie , then either beautie or wisdome ( for she was troubled with neither ) had in her house a young Pie : ( which we call a Magot-a-Pie ) This Bird , hauing bin hatched in a Neste hard vnder her chamber window , she chaunced to take into her education : and being one that loued to heare a tongue wagge ; either her owne , her Gossips , her Maides , or her Pyes : For if one were still , the other must be walking : And when they were all vpon the going , there was no still-piece of Musique : It fell out that this Good-wife , ( not a little displeased at her Goose-mans folly ) in such so much rare ouer the fish , that the flesh was but a litle set by : one daie ; ( when her Asseband was gone forth ) sitting with her maid at the wheele : ( so full at her heart , that yet her tongue would haue swelled , if it had not broke out at her mouth , began thus to fall in hande with her Maid-seruant . ) I dare not depose for her Uirginitie , but , as I said , her maid : she fell thus to breake her minde vnto . Wench quoth the , doest thou not sée what a sturre thy maister keepes with a scuruy Eele ? In good earnest a litle thing would make me take her out of the Cesterne , and put her in a Pye , or eate her some waie or other : For better haue one chiding for all , then haue such a doo as we haue about her . In truth mistresse , quoth she , ( as one whose mouth hung verie fitting for such a piece of meate ) If it please you , I will quickly ridde you of this trouble . My maister is ridde to your Landlords , and there I know he will tarie to night : if it please you , I will fetch her out of the Cesterne , and kill her , and flea her , and put her in a Pye , and you may dispatch her ere he come home ; or saue a piece for him when he is quiet after his chiding . Content wench quoth she , I pray thee dispatch her quickly : I warrant you , quoth shee , for sooth with a 〈◊〉 . Thus was the Eeles death approching , and the matter thoroughly enacted . Now the Pye being made and baked , and set on the Table , and betwixt the maide and her Dame ( or mistresse ) brought to such a passe , that there was very little left for her master . The Magot-a-Pye like a vyle Bird ( that would kéepe no counsaile , but duely would use her tongue , to talke of all that she saw or heard ) no sooner saw the good-man come into the house , ( but as shee was taught to speake ) began with welcome home maister : ( and then more then she was taught , she fell to pratle ) Noh maister , my Dame hath eaten the Eele : my Dame hath eaten the Eele : my Dame hath eaten the great Eele . The goodman remembring his fish , began now to aske his wife , Now doth mine Eele ? What meanes the Bird , to talke thus of eating the great Eele Tush Husband , quoth she , warme you I pray you , and goe to bed . It is cold and late , talke of your Eele to morrow : No quoth he , I will not goe to bed , till I haue séene mine Eele : and there within a bodily feare of that which was fallen out , goes to the Cesterne , and there finding his Eele gonne , comes in againe , as dead at hart as a Stocke-fish , ( and yet resolued to brawle out of reason ) Comes out : Why hoh ( the good-wife ready to burst with laughing , and yet kéeping it in with a fayned sigh ) sits downe in a chaire , and hangs the head , as though she had had the mother : The maid hauing wit enough , ( to make a foole of a tame-goose , ) méetes her maister , and catching him in her armes : cries out , but softly maister , be a man , and mooue not all . My dame you know loues you well , and it may be she breedes , and bring you a boye worth twenty bushels of Eeles : saie she had a minde to it , and hath eaten it : if you should séeme to chide for it , it may be a meane to cast her awaie , and that she goes with : And therfore saie nothing of it , let it goe . For indéed it is gone : saist thou so my Girle , quoth hee , I thanke thee : hold thée , there is a Letter for thée , for thy good counsaile , I warrant thée all shall be well . Then in a goes to his wife , & findes her in her chaire sitting as if were heauily : comes to her and takes her by the hand , with how now wife ? be of good chéere , and take no thought , much good doe thy hart with her , take the rest that are left , if thou haue a minde to them I pray thée . With this , she ( as it were awaked out of a trance ) said , I thanke you good husband , and so after a few home-complaints , to bed they went , where they agréed so well , that the next morning hee had his part ( though it were the least ) of that was left , and glad of it to , and so without more adoe , goes about his busines . But no sooner was he out of doores , but the mistresse and the maid , went to the bird the Pye , and taking her out of the Cage , plucked all the feathers off from her head , and left her as bare as a balde Coote , which in the cold winter was very vncomfortable : Which done , she was put into the Cage againe , with these wordes , Tell tales againe of the Eele , doe : Now about dinner-time , comes in againe the goodman , and brings in with him a neighbour of his , with a good face , but a balde head , that he had almost no haire on it . Now the Pye being let out of the Cage , no sooner sées this man put off his hat , but she skips on his shoulder and sayes : Oh , your head hath bene puld aswell as mine , for telling of tales . You haue told my maister , how my dame eate the great Eele : ( and so she would do to any that shee saw bald , that came into the house . ) And was not this a merrie iest of the Pye and an Eele ? Ga. I thinke I haue heard it long agoe , but not as thou hast told it : and therefore as it is , I thanke thée for it . And now since it is not farre to the Towne , I pray thée let me trie a litle of thy wit , in the aunswers of a few questions that I will put vnto thée ? Gri. With all my heart Sir , I am for you at this time . Ga. I pray thée , who was the happiest man that euer thou knewest ? Gri. My Lord Gouernours Foole. Ga. And why ? Gri. Because his maister fauours him , and none dare hurt him : hee fares well , and sléepes well , weares good cloathes , and takes no paines . Ga. Countest thou this a happines ? Gri. For a lazie spirit , but not for my selfe . Ga. Why , how wouldest thou be happie ? Gri. In a feeling of Gods grace , in sufficiency of abilitie , to liue without borrowing : in wit , to discerne iustly : in Conscience , to deale truly : in an honest kinde wife , gratious children , honest seruants , faithfull friendes , and quiet neighbours : Neither disire of life , nor feare of death , but a scorne of the one , and contented minde in the other . Ga. Well said : But all this while , I heare thee speake of no maister . Gri. Oh no Sir , for to a frée spirit , there is no greater miserie then bondage : And yet , a kinde maister , is a kinde of father : where loue breeding obedience , maketh a seruant like a Sonne . Ga. And what sayest thou of a kinde mistresse ? Gri. With a kinde maister , they are the harts comforter , and they are like vnto a paire of Gloues , that fitte both hands . Ga. But couldest thou please both ? Gri. If I know both . Gan Then let me put thee in comfort , of me thou shalt haue rather a father then a friend to nourish thy good spirite & of my wife , rather a sister then a mistresse to make much of thee for my sake . Gr. I thanke you Sir , and for the good I see in you , and the good I hope of you , I will trie my Fortune with you . Ga. And do not thinke it shall be the worst . Come on , you shall goe to the towne , and there dine with mee , and so home . Gri. I will attend you . FINIS .