Moreau Integration II Professor Hnatusko Moreau FYE 3 December 2021 Integration II: Finding my People and Looking Forward I have encountered loneliness and will respond by broadening my horizons. Frequently this semester, I have grown angry with myself after seeing hordes of friends at the dining hall, taking pictures in front of the Main Building, or studying at the library together. I felt, for sure, that the reason why I did not have this huge friend group was because of wrongdoing on my end: I spoke too loudly or too much, did not wear the right clothing or makeup and preferred to play board games rather than go out on Friday nights. I missed so dearly my friends back home with whom I shared so many memories, and I greatly missed the happiness that high school brought me. These thoughts turned into questions such as “did I peak in high school?” and “what am I doing wrong?” I soon realized that just because I did not immediately find my people at Notre Dame did not mean that I peaked in high school, nor did it mean that I was doing anything wrong. Emery Bergmann, a Cornell student, touches on this subject of loneliness, stating, of her experience, “expecting close relationships like the ones that had taken years to develop was unfair to myself and the people around me” (“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week 9 ). I reflected on how I had felt four years ago when I stepped into my high school for the first time. I remembered that it took months of experiences and memories and trying new things until I found the people I https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html came to care for so strongly. I had to try new things -- clubs, sports, and classes -- to meet my very best friends. I decided to take the same approach at Notre Dame. I signed up for the club swim team and joined NDTV. I asked people in my classes out for lunch and began to talk to anyone and everyone I ran into. While it hasn’t been perfect -- I still feel times of loneliness and homesickness -- I feel that I have made significant progress in expanding my comfort zone and meeting new people. I have encountered brokenness and will respond by surrounding myself with those I love. In broadening my horizons by trying new things, I have encountered people and activities that I do not get along well with or enjoy. Though often, especially when finding that friends I made during Welcome Weekend don’t share the same interests that I do, it is hard to let these people or activities go, I remember that nothing is permanent, but that everything I do must be out of love and care for myself. Self-care is essential when you are living on your own for the first time, and a significant component of self-care is to surround yourself with people who love and care for you. According to Father John Jenkins, “love is the deepest human need. Each human has a deep spiritual, psychological, emotional longing for love. And not to get it injures us deeply” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 10). I find that when I am sad, a quick FaceTime call home to my family or getting dinner with a friend who always makes me laugh is a very successful remedy. This is because these things remind me that I am loved. It is so easy, especially when navigating college life for the first time, to forget about all of the people who got you where you are today or the people who you have met on your journey together. Though my days often get hectic, I always try to socialize with family and friends to remember that I am never alone. https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ I have encountered difficult experiences and will respond with an openness to different perspectives. Being at Notre Dame for four months, it is inevitable that I have faced some experiences that I have found frustrating. Coming into college, I didn’t exactly realize that specific experiences would be as difficult as they came to be; Notre Dame was my dream school, after all. I had figured that my classes would be difficult and cause frustration at times, yes, but I had believed that this would be the extent of my hardships. It was unexpected to face conflict in my living situation, or between friends that I thought, upon meeting them, would be at my wedding. But these experiences are unavoidable and build character. According to Parker J. Palmer, “hard experiences -- such as meeting the enemy within, or dealing with the conflict and betrayal that are an inevitable part of living closely with others -- are not the death knell of community: they are the gateway to the real thing” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). Having to face turmoil with my roommate and friends was no easy task; it was uncomfortable and awkward at times, especially living and sleeping in the same room. But I realized I grew immensely as a human being in dealing with these situations, and I gained some new life lessons and perspectives along the way. In facing conflict with my friends, I found other outlets to turn to in times of hardship. In disagreements with my roommate, we both learned and picked up hobbies from each other. Though these conflicts were difficult, they allowed me to expand my perspectives and grow as a person. I have encountered days of despondence, and I will respond by finding hope in the Lord. http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ Overall, I have greatly enjoyed my short time at Notre Dame and happily look forward to the spring semester and the years to come. However, there have been days where I feel hopeless. There are weeks and weeks until I can go home and see my family. It is dark out until 8:30 in the morning. I have to drag myself out of bed to go to my 8:20 microeconomics class. In times like these, it is so difficult to have hope. However, as difficult as it is, I always try to remind myself that there are always things to appreciate and always reasons to look forward to the future because of the Lord. Fr. James B. King, C.S.C states, “Still, the first four principles of mind, heart, zeal, and family, important though they are, would have little distinctive Christian purpose apart from hope in the cross of Christ” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week 12). According to King, Christ is the glue that holds everything together and creates purpose in the world. While I understand the importance of maintaining good study habits and relationships with family and friends, I realize that these things would be insignificant if it weren’t for Christ. Therefore, I always cut out a portion of my week to attend the Basilica mass or Ryan Hall’s biweekly masses. I feel that this peaceful reflection allows me to wind down from a long week and remember that there are always reasons to be grateful and hopeful for the possibilities of the future. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/27120/files/186051?module_item_id=102825