Cashel O’Connor
Father Kevin
Integration Two
23 November 2021

Becoming a Fish
What are you made for?

Interesting question. I have been making a bucket-list of sorts during my time here at Notre Dame, so let’s explore that. These are things I want to accomplish sometime in my life, in no particular order. I believe that I am made for them.
Firstly, I want to be a ski instructor. Growing up, skiing was a huge passion of mine. I know this sounds silly coming from a Florida boy but it's true, I promise. My grandparents live in Big Sky, Montana, and every year my family would go up to visit them, either over Christmas or spring break. This is where I discovered my passion for skiing. I was born on the mountain, molded by it. Skiing was my life. Now, as a young adult, one of my greatest desires is to take my passion for skiing and transform it into something bigger than myself. I want to help other kids experience the joys of skiing. So, it is a goal of mine to one day become a ski instructor.
	Playing off the instructor aspect of the first point, another dream of mine is to teach English in foreign country. For a while I was set on Japan; however, now I am also considering Korea. To be honest, who knows. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it's that my passions and interests are always shifting. Nevertheless, one day I will teach English in a foreign country.
	Another dream of mine is to travel Europe. My grand plan is to study abroad and travel on the weekends, but this is just a plan. Like Eisenhower said, “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” It is the idea of setting goals like this that enthralls me, not so much delving into the minute details years beforehand. In Europe, I want to see the Dolomites, the Alps, the Rock of Cashel (named after me) in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Hungary, and so much more.
	Finally, the last item on the list is to start my own private wealth management firm. The catch to this is that I want to structure the compensation system ethically, allowing me to help people grow their financial wealth at a vertiginous rate. Don’t worry, I am aware that money cannot guarantee happiness. However, I am a firm believer that a shortage of money hinders happiness. By starting my own firm and ethically structuring the compensation, I aspire to provide people with happier lives - without taking anything away from them. This, I feel, will help me with my ultimate goal: fulfilment. In week 2, we talked about having to “give to receive,” and I see this as the perfect way to give to others. 

What are you made of?

Recently I read a poem called “Gospel” by Stephen Scobie for my theology class. This poem really exposed me to the idea of perspective - it is written from what seems to me as Jesus’s perspective on his life. Seeing Jesus show anxiety and uncertainty, as a result of being fully human, really shocked me at my core. What I am getting at here is the idea of perspective. In week 7 we listened to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk, in which she said. “Stories matter. Many stories matter.” In Scobie’s poem, I heard another story. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are all stories about Jesus that I am familiar with; however, the poem offered me a new perspective. Instead of looking at Jesus from the outside, I looked at him from the inside for the first time. This brought me to a deeper realization: people only know me as an outsider looking in. In a sense, they only know me as much as I let them; they can’t hear my thoughts, my reasonings, my convictions, my motivations, my goals, or my beliefs... unless I tell them myself! So, in a very convoluted way, I have just explained why I believe that I don’t have the words or time to express to you all of what I am made of. I believe that actions play a role in this and I can’t communicate actions in a paper; however, I also believe that I can still do the prompt justice by explaining part of what I am made of. Even if I cannot give you the whole story, hopefully I can give you the important parts. The best way to express my story to others is to reach a point of vulnerability and form, as week 4 describes it, a “healthy relationship.” This means that we can, “talk honestly and freely to each other.” Thankfully, I feel as if I have made many of those already in my brief time here at Notre Dame.  
In week 6 we wrote “Where I’m From'' poems. Mine was, in my typical fashion, very lighthearted and humorous. However, after returning to my beloved home of Boca Raton, Florida for Thanksgiving break, I realized that where I’m from plays an integral part in explaining what I am made of. In fact, I think the poem itself is an excellent expression of what I am made of: I am made of humor. I love to make people laugh and it is a huge part of what I am. However, as Brené Brown said in week 1, “we cannot selectively numb emotion.” Since humor is such a vital part of my life, it stands to reason that negative emotions play an important part as well. Thankfully, in week 3 father Pete talked to us about creating and applying a standardized framework in our lives. Here at Notre Dame, I feel as if I have succeeded in establishing a framework to help deal with emotions that in the past I would prefer to “numb.” As I said in week 9, when responding to dissonance, “I close my eyes, go to my mental cave, see my power animal, and remind myself that I am doing my best and that is the best I can do.” I think that, again, humor is my best device in accomplishing this. Once again, I am made of humor. 
In week 10, I talked about metaphysics of identity, specifically the Ship of Theseus. Going further, I learned recently about a different way to view the same problem. Simply put, can one ever say they swam in the same river twice? Since the water is constantly flowing downstream, it stands to reckon that you will never be swimming in the same water twice - so are you still swimming in the same river? I have come to believe that the answer to these questions and more like them is yes and no. Complex but warranted, for in my mind identity is subjective not objective. As a person, I change and grow everyday. I feel as if I am very different from myself several years ago, even several months ago, yet at the same time I am still the same Cash you are familiar with. In my view, it is best to allow the changes to add onto your identity and complement your character, but not let them engulf your identity entirely. I address this last part to my future self: what I am trying to say is: don’t be afraid to change. It’s part of life. However, don’t let the change separate you from who you really are, your true identity - a man of joyous whimsy who has a bucket list to get through. It is time to become a fish.