Moreau Integration Two Encounters of a Lifetime November 30, 2021 As I watched my family drive away, I could feel my heart sink into my stomach. Questions, worries, and anxieties were rolling around my head with seemingly no end in sight. I picked up my suitcase and walked up to the front door of my dorm, realizing that although I had made it to Notre Dame, the biggest emotion I felt was fear. Leaving my family, friends, and world at home behind was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life, and it began with my final glance at the car driving away. Though the initial anxiety and heartbreak of leaving everything behind as I began my career at Notre Dame was difficult, I came to realize that this journey will be one I will remember and rely upon for the rest of my life, and how I choose to spend it is up to me. With this shift in mindset, I was ready to take on the college scene, including living with others my own age, attending rigorous classes, and forming a new social life. Through my first semester at college, I have made many unforgettable memories, and with this, forged through new encounters and determined the ways in which I respond. Upon my arrival at Notre Dame and within the first weeks of classes, I began to develop a feeling that I was in a completely different academic environment than I had ever been immersed in before. Looking around me in each of my classes, I observed that nearly every single other student was engaged, taking notes, asking questions, preparing material, and apparently excelling in the new scene. This was a stark contrast to my high school environment, in which there were certainly students who were able to achieve great things in the system, but not as large of a sheer number of high-achievers as at Notre Dame. Starting to worry, I began to develop what I have now come to understand as imposter syndrome, and as one quote expertly explains, “People who are highly skilled or accomplished often tend to think that others are just as skilled. This can spiral into feelings that they don’t deserve accolades and opportunities over other people” (“What is Imposter Syndrome” by Elizabeth Cox - Moreau FYE Week 9). As I began to get good grades on homework assignments and tests, my feelings of accomplishment seemed to diminish knowing I was surrounded by students who likely performed as well or even better than me. Over time, however, I was able to grasp the notion that while students here at Notre Dame are very strong academically, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and likewise each accomplishment should be celebrated no matter what. I became so worried about the performance of others that I overlooked my own successes in the classroom, and now realize that it is good to feel good about the things I have achieved. Amidst the chaos of a busy academic calendar, crammed social setting, and craze of new opportunities, I made sure to take time away from the congestion of day to day life and continue pursuing my faith as I had done so back home. Participating in weekly mass was an aspect of life I cherished before coming to college, and I wanted to expand upon that desire to stay engaged with the church at Notre Dame. Stepping into the Basilica for the first time was an unforgettable experience, and attending my first Sunday mass here on campus was even better. Though I did not have my family around me, I had a new family of fellow followers of Christ all around me, as we prayed, sang, and worshipped together. In reflecting upon this experience, I was reminded of the quote, “We can drag our patients along by continual temping, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week 12). This quote from the Screwtape Letters outlines the notion that humans are alive for a purpose, and in the midst of a busy life in college, it was crucial for me to stay connected to my faith and understand my purpose here on campus and in the greater scope of life. I feel as though I am called to stay engaged in my community and faith traditions as I had done so back home, and by attending mass and becoming involved in faith services, I feel I have stayed close to my life purpose. Following my Catholic faith at Notre Dame has been one of the best decisions I have made, and I plan to continue to stay involved throughout my entire time at this school. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23747/files/187501/download?download_frd=1 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23747/files/187501/download?download_frd=1 Even among many great times here at Notre Dame, at one point, I was reminded of the harsh reality away from the Notre Dame sphere of positivity. What started as a routine check in call with my mom turned into one of heartbreak when she brought up that one of my closest uncles had passed away earlier in the week. Not only that, I needed to put my studies and social life on hold to come back home for the funeral, and as difficult of words as these were to hear, I knew I could not let the family down. On Friday night, instead of going out or spending time with friends, I had to pack my bags for the weekend trip home, only to be met with sadness and grief from my cherished family members. In this process, I found a particular quote to be very fitting, and it reads, “I want people to also know that their hearts are breakable, and it’s a very good thing, that it’s worth celebrating because it allows you to grow and expand” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto / Kirsten Helgeson - Moreau FYE Week 10). The notion of hearts being breakable, yet able to be mended, was very reassuring to hear as I reflect on a time of sadness within my family life. Though I had to travel home for a funeral and mourn the loss of a loved one, I was also reminded of all the great times we had together, and heard encouraging words of hope that my uncle will never truly be gone from our lives. Though my heart was initially broken, it was able to be mended over time and has now become even stronger than before. A final point of emphasis as it relates to my encounters here at Notre Dame is closely tied to a notion I think about nearly every single day, and have made a point of emphasis for myself in this course. Since the beginning of my time at Notre Dame, one of the biggest challenges for me personally has been finding friends, being vulnerable, and spending time with other people. Coming from high school, where I preferred doing everything on my own and not spending time around other people besides my family, moving to college was a daunting task. Aside from those I was living with and saw occasionally in passing, I had very little interaction with others my age range for the first few months of school. One of the ideas I came to realize eventually is noted in the quote, “The most common connotation of the word ‘community’ in our https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ culture is ‘intimacy,’ but this is a trap” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). I had been thinking too much of friendship, meeting others, and finding a community as an intimate experience, where everyone involved needed to be very close and inseparable. Through my time here at Notre Dame, however, I have come to realize that being a part of a community and staying engaged with other people can take nearly any form I choose, whether it be through dorm events or religious groups. Once I overcame this mental hurdle, I was able to branch out of my comfort zone and start to become engaged with those around me, and the results have been surreal. In a complete flip of the script from my high school experience, I am now involved with teams, groups, and various organizations, all of which make me happy and feel connected. Through stepping outside my comfort zone at Notre Dame, I have been able to forge and craft connections which will likely last a lifetime. http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/