Integration 2 Tran 1 Nhat Nguyen Moreau First Year Experience 24 November 2021 My Journey at Notre Dame Thus Far I have now completed almost a whole semester of my college career, and this new, ongoing chapter of my story of life has introduced me to many challenges and unique experiences. Characters have entered my life, mainly in the form of new friends, but foes have also joined the plot, namely in the form of failures, setbacks, and my own insecurities. These factors seem like they would weigh me down and hinder me from succeeding in school and life, but I have grown to deal with these adversaries in effective, proactive ways. The Moreau class has taught me various strategies to understand my values and enhance my personal development process against adversity. “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood” is a quote from “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost that echoed throughout my pre-secondary education and represents my struggle to decide to depart from my home and all my family and friends that live there for the University of Notre Dame. I got a full-ride and had to attend Notre Dame, but leaving my friends behind pained my heart; I could only look forward with optimism to find my future besties in college, specifically, my future bridesmaid. Oh how I was mistaken. As Emery Bergmann from the New York Times conveys, “Expecting close relationships like the ones that had taken years to develop was unfair to myself and the people around me” (“Advice from a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Tran 2 Emery Bergmann, NY Times - Moreau FYE Week Nine). This paralleled my life accurately, as I anticipated finding close friends instantly upon entering college, just like the movies portray, but reality is not like that. I have made a few friends up to this point in the semester, but cultivating these relationships with them took weeks, and my closest friends come from my dorm after everyday interactions. I have found that college is filled with short encounters with small talk instead of long, meaningful conversations, and it takes two to form a real bond, reciprocating the same energy with each other. Moving past my dilemma with the college expectations of being a social butterfly with close friends, I realized that I needed to work on self-love as well. Even before I stepped foot on campus, I have struggled with appreciating and loving myself, which most likely stemmed from not only my parents’ desire for a successful American daughter, but my own unrealistic expectations of perfection, whether that be in grades, looks, or personality. However, the Grotto kintsugi video featuring Kirsten where she shares, “They [kintsugi participants] learn that the things they’ve experienced- the good, the bad, the ugly, all of that- it has made them this beautiful dynamic, interesting person that they are today” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto ft. Kirsten Helgeson - Moreau FYE Week Ten). I feel comforted by this quote because I had a series of hard experiences the few months before I went to Notre Dame, and they had a grave impact on my self-image, breaking my confidence. Going to Notre Dame and being around smart and accomplished fellow students did not improve my self-impression, and it just felt like I was a broken bowl while everyone else was fine China. The video showed me that this view is wrong; instead of depreciating myself for past mistakes, I Tran 3 should honor what these mishaps have made me. I need to recognize the flaws that make me different from others and lovable to myself, as self-love is the best love. Upon building my own self-confidence and love, I will be able to serve as a benefactor for my community. In the past, I attended monthly leadership conferences, and I led many clubs at my high schools, but the college community is much different and more separated. One tip from Palmer’s “Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” stood out to me, which was “I need other people for comfort, encouragement, and support, and for criticism, challenge, and collaboration” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer, Center for Courage and Renewal - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). This portrays the need for different people in a community. Blind followers cannot fully encompass a community; critical members must also be present in order to keep the community in check and contribute new ideas for the better of the group. For instance, when I participated in Asian Allure, an annual performance festival that showcases the different Asian cultures of Notre Dame, the organizer of the event was determining how the performers would give their final bows, and she wanted each performance group to leave the stage after taking their bow, but some performers were involved in multiple groups. Therefore, other members of the event organizing committee criticized the leader’s decisions, and a more effective organization of bows was set in motion. I first-hand saw the necessity for different voices in the community to be appreciated in order for the community to succeed. No matter how often I think that my present condition, whether good or bad, will last forever, I must realize that I am subject to change. Lewis conveys this in his satirical words from “The Screwtape Letters,” “This means that while their spirit can be directed to an external object, Tran 4 their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change'' (“The Screwtape Letters” Chapter 8 by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). This well-rounds my viewpoint of the world, as I realize how I will inevitably experience change. My understanding of change will provide me a reservoir of hope; there is a future no matter what stage of life I am in. This hope can be for anything and everything, whether it is hope to accomplish a career goal or something as broad as hope for a good life. I really need this hope in my conscious to keep going when times are rough, like when I failed my first bio module quiz in what I thought was the one class I understood, or when I felt socially isolated in my sociology class when we were supposed to get fake married and no one would be my pretend spouse. These were low points in my time in college, no matter how miniscule they seem to others, but I understand that these experiences are just modes of change I am going through as I step forward through time. These changes make me who I am in the present, and I will accept them as gifts to have a brighter viewpoint on life. Now, I would personally identify myself as an ambitious college student trying to survive all her classes. I do not feel as smart as everyone else, nor do I have the clearest idea of my future career goals, but I do know that I am an amazing person. Like all people, I have my pitfalls and troughs in life, but there’s light in every darkness, and that makes life so much more interesting to live. I am bound to change as I experience many different events in my journey, and I only look forward to the person I will be in the future while focusing my everything on the present, which is what matters.